Hello, I'm looking to buy a house and I got the below from the inspection company that my realtor is reocmmending. This is the second home I've bought and the first home it was much more straight forward as it was a slightly newer build and was a townhouse. Which of the below options make sense given the house details below:
Home Details:
Located in Albany, OR

Type & style

• Home type: Single Family
• Property subType: Single Family Residence

Bedrooms & bathrooms

• Bedrooms: 3
• Bathrooms: 2
• Full bathrooms: 2
• Main level bathrooms: 2

Material information

• Construction materials: Composite, Lap Siding
• Foundation: Continuous
• Roof: Composition

Condition

• New construction: No
• Year built: 1979

Flooring

• Flooring: Carpet

Heating

• Heating features: Natural Gas, Forced Air

Cooling

• Cooling features: Central Air

Other construction

• Warranty included: Yes

"Well-maintained with new roof & triple-paned windows. Tastefully updated with LVP flooring in kitchen, dining, hall and bath, new carpets in bedrooms, new kitchen lighting, new appliances, dishwasher, refrigerator, microwave and water heater."
\***Seller did disclose owner prior to them had electrical fire damage**\**
The house is very well maintained and looks like whoever has been living there the last 10 years has taken a lot of effort to ensure the place is practically spotless for a house built in 1979
BELOW ARE THE OPTIONS FROM THE INSPECTION COMPANY
The Premium Package
The Premium Package is our most popular choice, the most thorough inspection, and the best value for your dollar. This inspection includes a checklist that will encompass the entire home inspection process (i.e. structure and foundation; a representative sample of windows, doors, lights, and receptacles; moisture detection; attic and crawlspace areas; roof, gutters, and drainage; walls, floors, and ceilings; porches and decks; plumbing systems and fixtures in kitchens, baths, and laundries; electrical sytems and breaker panels; HVAC; built-in appliances; and a general check for wood destroying organisms*). Everything is compiled for you on-site so that when we are done, you have all the information provided in a printed report which is computer-generated with color photos and presented to you in a professional binder. Inside the binder, you will find a seasonal maintenance checklist, a cost guide for remodeling and repairs, and a filing system to keep track of receipts. Since Pillar To Post is the largest home inspection company in North America, we have alliances with many vendors on services you may need as a homeowner. In addition, we use infrared technology that allows us to check the electrical system to detect overheating circuit wires and breakers and for any hidden water leaks that would not normally be seen by the naked eye. Also included is a Rodent Inspection, Visual Summary with Measured Floor Plans, and a Centriq Report.
Infrared Scan - Using the most technologically advanced tools available allows us to detect moisture in wet areas of the home (i.e. kitchens and bathrooms and around windows and doors) that is invisible to the human eye. The use of these tools also enables us to locate areas throughout the home or structure that have overheating or malfunctioning electrical components (i.e. breakers and electrical panels). This work can make a critical difference during the home inspection process.
Centriq Report - During your inspection, we will capture the information of up to five major home appliances and provide you with a computerized report on any safety recalls for those appliances using the Centriq app. Centriq is a home inventory and maintenance platform designed to monitor for appliance recalls and track user manuals, parts, and support videos for your home. During the inspection, the inspector will add appliances and systems from the home into the Centriq app, and you will receive a Centriq recall report via e-mail within 48 hours. You will also have the option of adding items to the app in the future.
Rodent Inspection - In addition to our high quality, comprehensive home inspection which will highlight past or present infestation, we will also investigate and report on conditions in the home that are conducive to rodent activity so that you may be pre-emptive in the containment and control of these potential issues before a problem occurs. This includes checking for points of entry and signs of nesting, especially in the crawlspace of the home.
PTP360 - During our inspection, we will construct an interactive virtual tour that will provide you with 360° visuals of your future home. It will include thumbnails with comments and photos from your inspection report in relation to their location within the home. This feature also includes measured floor plans to aid you in any future projects or home planning.
Lifetime Maintenance Advisory Service - Following our inspection, and your purchase of the home, we will provide advice and answer your questions on home maintenance, the inspection report, and other home-related topics for as long as you own the home. Feel free to give us a call anytime! We are happy to continue our service to you.
Enhanced Customer Service Commitment - Our aim is to provide you with quality reporting and excellent customer care. Our office staff are available to direct your questions and concerns should the occasion arise, and our inspectors have a wealth of knowledge and expertise to assist you with all of your inspection needs. If you are not satisfied with our service, we will pay another inspection company of your choice to inspect your home again up to the value of your investment with our company.
*During each of our inspections, we do a general check for Wood Destroying Organisms (i.e. carpenter ants, termites, and wood-boring beetles) as well as evidence of dry rot. We do not, however, list the specific insects observed without the purchase of a WDO report. This is due to Oregon's home inspection laws regarding the reporting of Pest & Dry Rot information, sometimes required by lenders. If you do not need your report to specifically state which insects are or are not observed at the time of inspection, you may not need to add the WDO report to your inspection package. Please check with your loan officer before considering this add-on option and let us know if we can provide you with any further clarification.
The cost of this package is $ 742.35 You will also receive a 15% discount on any Added Service options.

The Prestige Package
This package provides you with additional peace of mind. It includes everything that comes with the Premium Package, as well as an air-mold anaylsis and a screen of the home for common allergens (i.e. cat, dog, cockroach, and dust mites), benefiting those who suffer from allergies, asthma, or immune deficiencies. It uses the most up-to-date technology to determine potential health risks in those areas and recommendations for further action.
Healthy Home Package - Houses safeguard the lives of the people who live in them. Increasingly so, it is known that poor air quality, including allergens, can pose potential health risks if not detected and addressed. Indeed, if someone in your home suffers from allergies, asthma, chronic sinus issues, or other breathing disorders, poor air quality becomes critical to their love and enjoyment of the home. In addition, mold can eventually cause structural damage to your home.
The Pillar To Post Healthy Home Package provides: -An air quality sampling to test for molds and allergens that may be present in the home, identified and verified through a certified third-party laboratory analysis. -An easy-to-read report that helps you understand what was found and a recommended course of action to follow. -The knowledge of what you need to do to protect your investment and, at the same time, make your home a healthier place for you and your family to live.
Please keep in mind that the results of the mold and allergen tests take 5-7 business days to get back to us. We will provide you with those reports as soon as they are available.
The cost of the healthy home package is $ 1388.75 You would also get a 30% discount of any Added Service options.

The Plus Package
This package is our third offering and the most basic whole house inspection we provide. It is just like the Premium inspection but without the extras(Infrared Technology, Rodent Inspection, Visual Summary with Measured Floor Plans, and Centriq Report).
Selecting this package does not provide any discounts on various Added Service options. The cost of this package is $ 505.00

Recommended Added Service options for your inspection:
Sewer Scoping : $195.00
Radon Testing : $195.00
Wood Destroying Organisms : $80.00

Last night, someone on here made a post asking us what Dropouts opinion are we would defend 1M vs. one. My answer was that no matter how great the podcast is now, nothing will top the dynamic of the original trio. That discussion gave me an idea.
For some who may be new to Dropouts, I figured I would take a dive into “the lore” (as the kids say these days) to help explain some nostalgic pieces of the podcast you may or may not been here for. The best way to do that is talk about original running gags. Some of these are more known than others, some you may have forgot about, and some you may not remember.
But as someone who has watched from the very beginning, here are my top 6 Dropouts running gags of all time.
#6 - Indiana’s “fake” accent
This gag was fueled by social media comments that always wondered about the inconsistency of Indiana’s Australian accent. But it eventually became one of the more iconic jokes of the podcast. It seems stupid but for whatever reason, we always thought it was pretty funny when Indiana was called out her accent dropping out or coming back. With Zach constantly mimicking her sometimes-thick Australian accent whenever there’s a noticeable difference in annunciation. It was quite simple but genius. Turning a common misconception into a deadpan gag that still leaves people wondering to this day. Is Indiana from Australia? Yes. Does her accent come and go making it very confusing for a majority of viewers? Also, yes.
#5 - Swag-daddies
Who remembers this VERY old one? This gag was part of what each of the trio would call their individual teams/fanbases. Swag-daddies was the original name for team Zach in the very beginning. No one really knew what it meant, why it worked, or where it came from. But it stuck for a while and somehow perfectly displayed the embodiment of Zach’s presence. Memeable, out of pocket, and backhandedly crass. If I had to guess, I would say it’s kind of an ironic-undertone to mock the “TikTok fuckboy” population that was pretty relevant at the time. Although Zach’s online persona can be very polarizing on the internet, the OG fans would jokingly justify his antics as “just being a swag-daddy.” A much simpler time when Zach’s verbal antics were publicly seen as satire and nothing else.
#4 - Team Whole Milk
Swag-daddies was Team Zach, but this team name was by far the best. Team Whole Milk was the original name for team Jared in the beginning. In early episodes, Jared would open up about struggles with his weight as a kid. Which Jared would refer to this chapter of his life as ‘F.J.’ or ‘Fat Jared’. He shortly after revealed that as a kid that he would drink multiple glasses of whole milk every single day, believing it was healthy. For those who don’t know, it’s exact opposite. Either way, team Whole Milk was born. Representing Jared fairly well. The happy-go-lucky underdog with a wholesome and positive energy.
#3 - The Ketchup Bottle
This one is a bit controversial because of the behind-the-camera details we know now, but it’s still an iconic part of the podcast that needs to be mentioned. For the new fans of the podcast, next time you’re watching, make sure to look for the Ketchup and Mustard bottles that are now catty-cornered in between Zach and Tara these days. The history of those two inanimate objects is a lot deeper than you might think. For those of you that don’t know about the first recording set, it was originally supposed be for a show called “Zach’s Diner”. Where Zach would have guests on in a Nickelodeon-metaverse feel of Jack Black’s “Between Two Ferns”. In original diner set, between to the shiny red booths, were subway-style themed Ketchup and Mustard bottles, that would eventually be part of the Dropouts set. And still are to this day. The originated gag went like this. Whenever Zach pissed off Indiana, she would pick up the Ketchup bottle, and throw it at Zach as hard as she could. Missing him 99.9% of the time. This bit/gag was harmlessly funny at the beginning until we found out there was more darker story to it. I’m just glad Indiana has grown so much since then and really took the time to learn from her actions. It sucks that this iconic gag was a falling out example of the original trio. But it’s still huge part of the Dropouts Podcast lore. And it shouldn’t be forgotten.
#2 - The Beach
What happened at the beach? I’m asking because we still… really… don’t know. In an early episode of Dropouts, the trio had a psychic on as a guest to give them all readings. Whether you believe in it or not, the psychic went on to ask Zach and Indiana: “what’s the deal with the beach?” Prompting Indiana and Jared to freak out and run off the set. The comments blew up after this and the speculation of what this was about caught fire. In the following episode, the trio took notice of the fans reactions. Then challenged them to give the video version of the episode 20K likes and they’ll tell the story of what happened at the beach. To this day, this episode only has around 11K likes on YouTube and the story has still not been told. Even though hints were dropped over later episodes, sidetrack jokes were made, no one on the internet ACTUALLY knows what happened at the beach. And with this episode being 4+ years old, we most likely will never know. As far as we’re concerned, it will be locked away in the Dropouts vault forever.
#1 - The Snickers wrapper story
I’m pretty sure everyone who watches the podcast now or started watching from the beginning knows this one. The Snickers wrapper story is not only the most bizarre story told on the podcast but also a running gag that will probably contest the will of time. The origin of this story goes like this. In an early Valentine’s themed episode, Indiana asks Zach and Jared what was the weirdest thing they ever used as a condom. After Zach’s quick-witted answer of “prayer” (which is btw one of Zach’s funniest jokes on the podcast to this day), Jared revealed that he once used a king sized Snickers wrapper as a condom. It’s pretty safe to say that Jared regrets telling this story as the references to it are still made 200+ episodes later. Just know that as funny or as bizarre this story is, it goes back multiple years of episodes. And I don’t think it will ever get old. Making it an easy decision for the #1 Dropouts running gag of all time.
Now of course, every list has to have some honorable mentions:
HM1 - What’s up B-Words HM2 - Zach hitting on Indiana’s mom HM3 - Jared’s two moms/CB270 HM4 - Zach’s estranged father HM5 - Only Indiana gets censored HM6 - Sad-boy mic
I’d be also happy to explain any of the honorable mentions to anyone who wants the backstory on those as well.
Let me know what you guys think of this top 6. Thanks for reading if you made it this far lol.

**Introduction**
In 2024, the world teetered on the brink of all-out global warfare as numerous active combat zones threatened to escalate into catastrophic conflicts. One such hotspot was Ukraine, where the Russian winter offensive inflicted devastating casualties on both sides. Faced with dwindling options, President Vladimir Putin made a fateful decision that would alter the course of history: the deployment of a tactical nuclear warhead on the Ukrainian capital of Kiev. This act was intended to deal a crippling blow to the Ukrainian government and serve as a stark warning to NATO, signaling Russia's willingness to employ nuclear weapons in defense against perceived Western aggression. As the countdown to impact began, Officer Blake Collins, a US Special Forces commander stationed in Kiev, received a chilling call from the Office of President Joe Biden, informing him of the inbound nuclear missile and advising him to seek shelter, bracing for the inevitable blast.
**Part 1**
The detonation was nothing short of cataclysmic. As the nuclear bomb engulfed the heart of Kiev, millions perished instantaneously in a maelstrom of destruction. In response to the attack, the United States declared war on the Russian Federation, retaliating with a tactical nuclear strike on Leningrad. This exchange of nuclear blows marked the point of no return, as Putin ordered a full-scale first strike against NATO, launching over 1200 nuclear weapons at more than 500 targets, predominantly major cities. The USA countered with over 1000 nuclear missiles aimed squarely at Russian territory. Within a mere 24 hours, the world as it was known ceased to exist.
**Two weeks after the blast...**
Commander Blake Collins reflects on the harrowing moment of the explosion, narrowly escaping the devastation of Kiev. Fleeing towards France amidst the desolation, he bore witness to the widespread ruin that now plagued the world. Amidst the chaos, he sought to establish a semblance of order, setting up a base in Paris and extending a helping hand to fellow survivors. With a small farm, access to clean water, and shelter for a few souls, hope flickered amidst the darkness.
**Three weeks after the blast...**
Encountering Rose, a former nurse, during a scavenging excursion, Blake extends an invitation to join his fledgling community. Her medical expertise proves invaluable as she tends to his wounds, sustained in a confrontation with an assailant. Meanwhile, Revere, another survivor with technical proficiency, joins their ranks, enhancing their base's infrastructure and capabilities.
**Part 2**
**Three months after the blast...**
Amidst burgeoning hope, the community expands under Blake and Rose's guidance. With Revere's expertise, they fortify their base and establish essential systems for survival. Dubbed "New Hope," their settlement symbolizes a beacon of resilience in a ravaged world. As their numbers swell, they institute a governing council, with Rose as president, Blake as Head of Security, and Revere as Head of Infrastructure.
**Four months after the blast...**
New Hope faces its first trial by fire as raiders descend upon them under cover of darkness. Despite sustaining losses, including Blake's trusted lieutenant, Rudy, the community repels the attackers, vowing to fortify their defenses against future assaults. Amidst the tragedy, hope perseveres, albeit tinged with the harsh reality of their new existence.
**Six months after the blast...**
Reflecting on six months of rebuilding, Blake takes pride in New Hope's progress. With fifty residents, essential services, and even a sense of normalcy, their once-fledgling settlement now resembles a thriving township. However, the specter of danger looms large, prompting Blake to lead raids against marauding gangs in defense of their newfound home. Amidst the turmoil, a ray of light shines as Blake and Rose anticipate the arrival of their first child.
**Twelve months after the blast...**
Surveying the burgeoning fields and bustling community of New Hope, Blake reflects on his journey from devastation to triumph. His dream of rebuilding amidst the ruins has become a reality, a testament to human resilience and determination. As he signs off, Commander Blake Collins leaves behind a legacy of hope amidst the ashes of a shattered world.

The REPEAT command greatly simplifies gameplay by reducing the need for continuous input, enhancing both tactical and strategic management. Here's a look at how it impacts various commands in a shuffled order:
LOAD, UNLOAD: Automates troop transportation, with transports systematically moving units between designated loading and unloading zones, boosting operational efficiency.
CONSTRUCT: Keeps constructors actively building or rebuilding units and defenses, ensuring no downtime and reinforcing defensive lines continuously.
ATTACK: In the scenario where a circle is established as the command zone, units set to REPEAT mode will engage in offensive actions against any intruders that venture into this radius, regardless of whether the enemy was initially visible or not.
Interceptor types, such as Shurikens, have the capability to patrol a substantial perimeter around your stronghold. They activate autonomously, sparing you the task of micromanaging each movement. These units methodically switch their focus from one enemy to another, immobilizing each in succession, thereby maintaining control over all adversaries without requiring your direct oversight. It's advisable to program a defensive MOVE so that they regroup back at your base post-engagement.
Integrating an ATTACK circle with a MOVE command sets a different dynamic where units hold position at the MOVE coordinate, ready to surge into combat when the opportunity arises. Artillery units exploit their maximum firing range to strike as soon as targets emerge, subsequently retreating to the MOVE coordinate once the area within the circle is secured. If this circle is strategically placed within the Fog of War, its revelation triggers immediate artillery action, showcasing the tactical depth of pre-planned maneuvers.
MOVE: Allows units to travel between points without engaging in combat, perfect for managing damage and distracting enemy fire.
PRIORITY TARGET: Facilitates precise control over units like Catapults, focusing their attacks on a specific area while minimizing the risk of friendly fire.
FIGHT MOVE: Operates similarly to a patrol, with units engaging enemies along their route and then returning to starting points, enabling continuous action without manual direction.
These varied applications of the REPEAT command underscore its role in optimizing gameplay, inviting players to experiment with these setups for strategic advantages.

Part 5
Gerard, God
Somewhere in time and space
He watched the passers-by as they moved about, following their daily routines, unaware of the fate that would shortly befall them. This was the time that fascinated Him the most. The moments before they finally understood that The Threat was here.
It was a sort of last hurrah, He thought. They didn't know it, but Gerard could nonetheless sense a sort of joi de vivre, a liveliness that simply didn't exist in prior times, and couldn't possibly exist in future ones. He watched mothers dote lovingly over their children, watched children hurl themselves into play with abandon, watched addicts take in their drugs like a drowning man would gulp for air. They might not known that there was no tomorrow for most of them, but they nonetheless seemed to put just a little bit of extra effort into everything.
Eventually, it came to an end, of course. It always did, no matter how many times He watched it. He saw happiness and mundanity give way to pain and suffering. Laughter was replaced by the screams of the dying. Life was replaced by death. The world replaced by destruction.
He sighed, leaving this timeline. He never watched the arrival of The Threat twice in the same timeline. There was nothing for Him to learn that way. His power was immense and total. He only had to witness The Threat once in each timeline to understand it.
Worst of all was the knowledge. The knowledge that He would only be able to save a single timeline. That all others would fall into ruin, destroyed and left to rot away. Only one could survive; the one that He chose. He could stop The Threat only once, for doing so would require Him to remain. Ever vigilant, ever ready to stop any recurrence.
He had to choose which timeline. That task was less than He feared, for now he knew that there were an infinite number of them. He could choose one with the right qualities, one whose nature would aid Him in His work. He realized then that He would, once He had chosen the proper timeline, finally watch The Threat come twice. Once, when He reviewed that timeline prior to choosing. And again, when He would stop it.
And stop it, He would. No other outcome was acceptable. He had already sacrificed too much. His mortality, His life, His happiness, His very soul itself. He had wrought Himself into a weapon, to strike down The Threat, and He would fulfill that purpose, no matter what.
----
Jerry Williams, Godslayer
Nibiru
We were sharks, swimming and darting among a school of fish. Gods and devas fled, screaming in terror as we flew through the swirling, chaotic energies that should have driven us -or at least my wife and daughter- mad within seconds. They had thought that their realm protected them.
Little did they know, we were already mad.
Inanna and I flanked a group of fleeing gods, preventing them from leaving this world, extending their essence into manifested bodies somewhere in one of the countless material worlds, or simply crossing the energy that was the core of their beings into the Spirit World. Here, in Nibiru, our divinities and demi-divinities gave us access to unlimited power. We seized it and wove nets with which to entrap those minor gods who could not find escape elsewhere, and had huddled here in fear of our coming.
As the group fled, we sped up, curving our course, which caused them to curve theirs, fearful of drawing too close to either of us. We moved slowly, carefully, angling them where we wanted them to go.
It wasn't long before the gaping maw of the Grandfather of the Gods came into view. Ixlublotl, the primordial god, the originator of divinity. The gods we herded realized their peril and turned to flee back the opposite direction, but there they found Aaina, burning towards them, screaming in rage and bristling with offensive energies.
Trapped, they had no choice. They attacked us. Emotions and thoughts, energy and matter, all of it flew at us in an orgy of sudden violence that churned the substrate of this world into a screaming chaos. All three of us linked our magics into a shield; a half-sphere of anti-magic that absorbed their attacks, sending the energy of which they were made back into into the swirling chaos around us.
They threw everything they had at us, a desperate last stand, driven by necessity and panic. All of it crashed against our defenses, the resulting streamers of magic filling the space around us with an all but impenetrable cloud. Hidden by that cloud, Ixy closed in.
By the time they realized that it was too late, it was over.
Ixy's physical body, that cloud-wrapped cacophony of maw-stalks, eye-stalks, spider-like legs and whipping tentacles, currently the size of a skyscraper, swept in, mouths snapping up the energies that were the cores of our quarry.
We came together when it was done. Inanna created a haven for us, allowing us to release the magic that held our bodies in stasis and protected us from the wild magic all around. It was a copy of our house, something she'd come up with a while back and shown to me with great pride. I had loved it, of course.
I sank into the loveseat with Inanna next to me as Aaina took the recliner.
"That's most of them," Aaina said.
"About thirty more," I replied. "And then we can start the next phase."
"Do either of you have any doubts about what we're doing?" she asked. I could see the indecision in her eyes. She was so young, and such a good girl. My heart broke at having dragged her into such dirty business.
"No," Inanna answered, her voice hard and confident.
"Yes," I added. "But at the end of the day, this is what needs doing."
Aaina looked back and forth between us, then nodded. None of us smiled.
----
Emily Windham, Wizard, Artificer
Fremont, Nebraska, at the corner of E 4th Ave and N Main St
Emily turned just in time to see the massive troll hit Jim Carmichael with a shoulder, sending the trooper flying before angling at her with no change in speed.
Acting on pure instinct, she conjured a wall of force between them. The troll slammed into it, shattering the magics that held it together with raw force, but the wall did its job, stopping the warrior in his tracks.
Emily snatched the rune-engraved knife off her belt and surged forward, jumping at the last second to put her in range of the troll's huge neck. The blade plunged in, and she released a quick burst of magic that made her legs and off hand sticky, allowing her to cling to the thing, too close for it to use its battleaxe on her.
She ripped the knife out and plunged it in again and again as the barbarian roared in pain and indignation at being hurt so badly by a foe so tiny. Emily grabbed his beard, yanking hard to bring his eyes to hers as she slammed the knife in and twisted, the magic in the blade telling her when it found his windpipe and carotid artery.
Blood sprayed, coating her face and shoulders. The troll's roars were cut off in a gurgling, breathy hiss. He stumbled, then fell. Emily rode him down, her eyes locked onto his, watching all hopes of victory, or even survival, fade from them. She lost herself in those eyes, in the mystery that was this troll's life, ending right before her. She saw the regrets, the crushed hopes, the shame of defeat and wondered at the context.
The impact as they hit the ground broke the spell.
Emily released the magic and stood up, instincts trained into her by the security troops and war wizards making her search for more threats before she could even process what had just happened. But there were no more threats. That had been the last one.
Greg Ramirez walked towards her, his rifle barrel pointed down, hanging from the sling in front of his armor and all the various attachments that he and the security troops referred to as their 'battle rattle'.
"Nice work," he said, eyeing the troll, who continued to gasp for air, the sound of his labored breaths reminding Emily of a pig squealing. She looked down, searching for that orgasmic feeling her bio-dad had so desperately wanted her to share with him, but not finding it. All she found was a sense of satisfaction, yet even that was too much.
Years of therapy, of telling her story to trained clinicians and listening to and internalizing their advice. All of it had helped her make friends and move among the normal people, but it had never erased that feeling of satisfaction. This was the fourth time she'd killed a sentient being, and each time, she felt the exact same way. It was a victory.
Her maudlin thoughts were interrupted by the bark of Greg's rifle. The troll's head jerked and deformed, a splattering of blood coming out as a .277 fury round drilled a hole straight through his temples. She glanced up to find Greg still eyeing her.
"You did good," he said, his expression showing some concern.
"I liked it," she said quietly, her eyes turning back.
"You liked killing him?" Greg asked. Emily nodded, wondering if she'd always be fucked up.
"I killed him," Greg said. "And I damn sure liked it."
Emily turned back, eyeing him with some interest. Greg was, in many ways, the opposite of her. Cool, confident, charming and just all-around well-adjusted. She hadn't ever imagined that he wound enjoy something like this.
"It means I won," he explained. "It means that big, badass motherfucker showed up here trying to bully us, and take whatever he wanted from us, and little old me stood up and said 'no', and when he tried to force the issue, I took his life away. It feels like justice. It feels like one less motherfucker trying to kill me and my friends. Damn straight I liked it."
Emily smiled. She didn't realized she had smiled until Greg smiled back.
"I read your psych eval," he went on. "I know you think you're fucked in the head, but I'm gonna tell you right now, you're not. You're a warrior, that's it. Bloodlust isn't a bad thing, if it can be controlled. Enjoying killing isn't a bad thing, if you're killing the people that need killing. Give yourself a break, girl."
He clapped her on the shoulder, then took the back of her head with his free hand and pressed her forehead to his.
"I'm gonna recommend you be allowed to join the war wizard roster. You're all trained up, you're prepared for it, and from what I've seen today, you're a fucking natural."
Without waiting for a response, he let her go and turned away, grabbing the radio fob on his armor and squeezing it.
"Black Lead, this is Black-Two Actual. All raiders at the target site are neutralized. We're commencing a sweep now, will report back in thirty mikes."
Emily smiled at his back as he walked away. A part of her reflected that he was a natural leader, knowing exactly what to say to her in that moment. Another part didn't care, because it worked. She glanced down at the troll again, and didn't see a victim.
She saw a victory.
----
Kathy Evenson, Professional
Somewhere in the ruins of an ancient city in the Seventh World
Kells shifted nervously as Kathy continued to cut chits from the electrical panel lid with the magical laser emerging from her fingertip. He held his machete, really a short sword, in one hand, and his dagger in the other.
"We really shouldn't be much longer, Kath," he said. Kathy had explained to him the difference between Kath and Kathy, and even hinted at the things she'd done while possessed by Pissface and calling herself 'Kath', and even gone into some detail about how much she hated the nickname. Kells hadn't cared. He simply agreed with her, then continued to call her 'Kath'.
And the truth was, she really didn't mind that much.
She wasn't quite sure why, though she could hazard a guess. The man was disarming to a great degree. He presented himself as a dirty wanderer, a simple, violent man who shouldn't be trusted as far as you could throw him. But within just a few minutes of meeting him, she'd seen the intelligence in his eyes and words. She had seen the integrity in his negotiations with her, and the ethics that had turned him protective when the Searchers had appeared.
And despite that protectiveness, he still managed to avoid being patronizing. When she'd told him how she planned to get his chits, he had warned her of the dangers, then agreed to come along without hesitation when she didn't change her mind. Kells was a good man, she thought, and if a good man wanted to call her Kath, she supposed she could let him reclaim the name from the hell it had once represented.
"It won't be much longer," she said. She already had over seven hundred, and this plate would bring her to eight hundred. She only needed five or six more. This deep in the ruins, there was an untouched electrical box on almost every building. Some had been corroded, but most were surprisingly intact.
As she cut the final strip into chits, a roar sounded. It was a gurgling, rasping roar, unlike anything she had ever heard before. Or rather, the first one had been unlike anything she had ever heard before. This was the third time she'd heard it, and it sounded closer than the last two.
"That's no good sign, right thur," Kells said.
Kathy finished, dumping the little squares of galvanized steel into her bag and standing up.
"Come on," she said. "We'll go a couple blocks away from whatever that was before I cut the next one."
"Aye," Kells agreed, his head swiveling on his shoulders as he followed her down the alley. Kathy took note of how spooked he was. He seemed more nervous here than he had with the Searchers right in front of him. She supposed that might have something to do with the nature of the threats. The Searchers were, regardless of power and reputation, mere humans. Whereas whatever was making that roar was clearly some sort of monster.
She led him six blocks in a direction away from the roar before she stopped to examine the buildings. They had moved into a downtown area, which was one of the reasons she had stopped. The buildings here were closer together, which should make the rest of her task quicker. She found a good cover and ripped the little padlock off, then pulled it open and off its hinges.
A mass of spiders rushed out of the electrical box. She jerked her hand away, but they ignored her, scurrying down the wall and vanishing into the cracks between the bricks, safe once again in enclosed darkness.
She began to cut as Kells again stood watch.
She hadn't even made it halfway through the panel when another roar sounded, even closer than the last, and from a different direction.
"Call it," Kells said. "Call it now, Kath. Better ye collect some more later on than deal with the beast makin' them sounds."
"What kind of beast?" Kathy asked. She kept cutting, but glanced up and around, not seeing anything but filthy, dilapidated alleys.
"Walkers, they call 'em," Kells said. "Like great spiders, but rottin' away, with bones stickin' out an' flesh hangin' off th'legs."
"Great spiders?" Kathy asked. "How big?"
"Bigger'n a building."
"You've seen them yourself?" Kathy asked.
"Only once," Kells said, his voice growing quieter. He seemed to be done speaking for a moment, staring around. But after a few seconds, he continued.
"Friend o'mine, name o' Gil. We used t'work together, he an' I. I were real new to runnin' a caravan crew back then, about ten years back. Gil were an old hand at it, though. Took me under 'is wing and taught me th'roads, as it were.
"Anyways, we'd taken a pair o' contracts. Rough ones, with a tight timetable. Merchants needed t'get to Freeman's Port post-haste. One faster'n th'other. Gil took that one, left me with the easier one, though that weren't t'say it were an easy job.
"We was in Craster's Holdfast at th'time, an smack in between there an' Freeman's Port were an ancient ruin. Big one, 'bout the size o' this'un, in fact. Normally, it took about a week t'travel between the two places, but if one were brave or foolhardy enough, they could cut through th'ruins an' make it in five days.
"Well, old Gil had that in mind. We left together, an' at th'place where ye normally would turn north t'go around the ruins, he led his caravan on straight. I prayed fer their safety that night, but never really believed anything would happen. Gil were an experienced caravaner, an' tougher'n anyone else I'd ever met.
"Two days later, we was walkin' this ridgeline north o'the ruins when somethin' called out t'me. Not sure what, exactly. I started lookin' south, scannin' the ruins, an' sure enough, I found Gil's caravan, walking down a wide road between th'largest buildings. They was movin' at quite a clip, I hav'ta say.
"I were tickled pink, at first. Because we'd made near as good a time as they had, despite movin' almost a day's north to skirt th'ruins. But as I watched, I realized that they weren't just travelin', they was runnin'."
Kells sighed, his eyes distant and full of old regrets.
"That's when I saw one. A great Walker, striding out o' th'deepest part o' th'ruins. The way it moved were like nothin' I ever seen before. It crawled along th'sides o' the ruins themselves, like a spider almost, but always with two or three feet on th'ground.
"It came fer th'caravan, and fell on 'em in a slaughter. I watched it breathe fire down on 'em, stompin' men flat with its feet an' scooping 'em up with its great claws."
He sighed again, then looked down. He tucked his sword under his armpit and used his hand to rub his eyes for a moment, before taking the blade up again.
"Killed 'em all, it did. Erry single one, as I live an' breath. An' when it were done, it went around, stompin' th'bodies flat. Never ate one, jes did all it could t'make sure that not a single survivor lived t'tell the tale. I were shook something fierce, I tell ya. Took me own caravan down off the ridge, t'avoid bein' spotted. We ended up arriving a day late, but to this day, I thank me lucky stars we made it at all."
Another sigh came, and Kathy heard the cracks in his voice as he continued on.
"Not Gil, though. Nor any o'them what worked for him, or th'merchant what hired him. A few years later, I worked up th'courage t'take a couple o'men into the ruins, t'find the bodies. I found bones dressed in Gil's clothes. I took his sword, which had survived, an' is th'one I carry to this day. I think Gil'd be pleased to know his blade had saved me life, quite a few times since."
Kathy finished cutting the cover up and stood to put her hands on Kells' shoulder.
"Thank you for telling me that," she said, her voice gentle. "I can tell it's an important story to you."
Kells nodded and sniffed once, then jerked his head in the direction away from the most recent roar. "I still think we should get out o' here, Kath," he said. "I'll face down the Searchers an' be happy o' a good death, should they take me. But them Walkers... They ain't warriors ye can face an' die with honor. One o'them things finds us, there ain't no fightin' it. We jes' die screaming, th'only consolation coming when it's all over."
Kathy weighed his words carefully. Kells knew this world far better than she did. And while she knew her own abilities far better than anyone here, she had to be mindful not to be too arrogant. Kells had told her how a single Walker had slaughtered an entire caravan of experienced fighters, led by an experienced leader.
"Okay," she said. She handed the bag to Kells. "There should be about eight hundred and fifty chits in there. You can count them out later, and I'll trust your count. After I find what I'm looking for, I'll collect the rest and we'll settle up."
"Good call," Kells said. He tied the bag off to his belt and walked to the corner of the building, peeking around. When he was satisfied, he nodded. Kathy joined him, and together, they made a beeline to the edge of the ruins.
They had made it about halfway out when another roar sounded, this one right on top of them. A rumbling crash sounded from her right, and Kathy turned to see rubble falling to the ground as something massive rose off the ground, two blocks over.
"Stars an' stones," Kells swore, then shouted "Run!"

Hello people,
I am currently playing a second time through the campaign on hard difficulty and since for my first go I got very frustrated from times to times and shared some (I think Helms Deep and Minas Tirith) in this sub and got questions I couldn't really answer since it was too long ago, I thought I recollect my impressions from my second playthrough as some things have changed (at least it feels like). In general: It got easier.
Moria: Very straight forward. Seperated hobbits and actual heroes into 2 groups and started clearing out goblins and skipping level ups. Once an actual hero got to lvl 2 I picked up a level-up getting them to lvl 3. Fittingly there are 5 hidden level ups and 5 actual heroes. So by the end of the level everyone who matters was lvl 3. Yes I hate the hobbits go sue me.
Lorien: Cloak the hobbits, proceed with heroes. Kill the Lumber mill in the bottom left corner, bring the hobbits. Enter Lorien and build 2 Archery Ranges. The hobbits are send to collect the treasure while everyone else is gathering at the north-western bridge. The hobbits naturally arrive at the norther bridge where they will cross and kill the lumber mill. Constantly produce elven archers and keep an eye on gimli, aragorn and boromir as they tend to get themselves isolated at the front without archer support. just get them back and heal if nessesary. between waves the hobbits go and kill the third lumber mill in the north and then run from chasing lumber jacks and orcs. Either kite them to your archers (go back around, don't try to get past a wave) or just enaugh so you can cloak them. once cloaked/save cloak them and forget about them. Southern bridge will be attacked next, so reposition to the south, after which reposition to the north. Freewin.
Rohan:
Your priorities should be: +Command, +Special, +Resources. Use the early missions, which are very easy, to max out on Rohirrim and get all upgrades asap. You should be able to train new units after every mission (as you get +command) which lets you recruit rohirrim archers and sell them at the main building to level your stables to get shields. At around Fangorn the missions will get more tricky as the enemy will have large numbers of spears with improved weapons. Don't charge them if possible. Kite them to a base with towers or just outrun them. You are usually not in a hurry. You are in a hurry tho in 2 missions where "Isengard will arrive in X minutes" - you don't want that. The army that arrives is strong and has wargs and spears which will decimate your Rohirrim. You want your Rohirrim to level from mission to mission as lvl 2 Rohirrim will not be sufficient.
Helms Deep:
There is no use in defending the lower Wall. I sell everything, archers and peasants in the main building and build Elves exclusively (unlucked once the elves arrive). Station them on the third ring at the very top. Leave all gates open, don't close them. Gather as much resources as possible while upgrading your elves with standards and fire arrows. Ignore improved weapons. Use the Rohirrim and Theoden and Eowyn to safe the peasents, let them gather the treasure and sell them. Defend the right gate on the 3rd wall with gimli, aragorn and boromir. Keep them close so they always have archer support.
The enemy will attack soon and flood the first wall (the one you're supposed to protect) but some of them will be diverted to the open gate. Your elves will kill a constant but slow stream of enemies as they trickle through. Close the lower gate from time to time to waste the enemies time as they will walk towards the ladders to climb them. Just open the gate again when rams arrive. The rams will walk through the opened gate and kill the farmsteads on the lower leve. Your archers will take care of them.
At some point ladders will gather up infront of the game unable to pass through. At that point keep the gate open at all times as ballistas will appear. They wont be able to get past the ladders and get stuck. Like this your losses are kept to a minum. From here on out it's basically just holding out. Once Eomer is ready to be called wait. Another wave will trigger shortly after. Once that has passed/reached your first gate call Eomer. Mount Gandalf and charge the first base with Eomers "For the King" ability. your losses will be minimal. After that turn around and charge whatever is left inside the keep and reunite with Theoden. Heal up on a well, maybe wait out another wave and then ride out. Eomers and Theodens abilities make your riders very tanky so you can charge the second base. After that's done retreat into the keep. No more waves will be spawned. Use your heroes to clear up the map like this you can level them up some more.
Isengard:
Became irrelevant, total cake walk. Before fire arrows where a real issue as they just DELETED ents so you had to cheese the Mission. But now, you are so strong no cheese needed. Defend the first attack, clear the goblins and the troll cave, build up ents. Walk around the base and bombard the urukhai pits and any fire-archer troops you can find while 2-3 ents defend while standing in the puddle outside the gate. Then just go in and kill everything. manouver burning ents into puddles and use heal at your own disgretion. Keep Treebeard alive and mount the Hobbits or cloak them.
Ithilien: Build only rangers and equip them with fire arrows. Try to keep everyone alive, you don't want to lose entire battalions. In the south there are a few rangers and a catapult. You can clear a big deal of the enemy camp on the middle plateau with that catapult. Aswell as the Oliphaunt in the top right corner. It will try to attack your catapult but the invisible wall makes it impossible. You can reach the Oliphaunt with your catapult from a cliff spot on the right side of the walkable map. Just area bombard where the oliphaunt stands it will return after charging you after each hit. Once that is done and the middle plateau is cleared position in front of the ramp and use the Terrain ability (that green circle where your units get boni) as close to the top right base as possible. This will trigger the orcs and trolls to attack you. Then proceed to bombard the bottom right base with your catapult and take it down with your rangers. Just take them to the topright base you cleared already and raze it to the ground. this should work ideally before mordor arrives so you can save most of your rangers.
After that you can pick missions again, and again: Command->Special->Resource.
Be careful in Dunharg, there are a lot of spears on that map and it is rather small. Striking fast is the key to victory although I lost some riders.
Osgiliath:
Then the defence of Osgiliath. This mission got a lot easier but is still tricky.
Right at the start move 2 catapults south aswell as the tower guard. Retreat with your rangers so they don't die to the attacking catapult (your otwer guard in the south will most likely be dead already). Build up the base in the south and kill the catapult with towerguard and your own catapults. Focus on Smithies only, build a well in the southern base. Man the towers with rangers and keep towerguard in defensive formation as a meatshield. Don't advance over the bridges. Maybe I got lucky but the Ai ignored the southern bridge from there on and only send waves down the middle and north. The north can easily be defended with 3 Ranger battalions and 1 towerguard.
From there on build your army up: A few tower guard are enaugh (I guess 6-8 batallions) rest Rangers. Get all upgrades from all buildings. Once your army is maxed call faramir, not earlier. You'll need the additional firepower. I used that time to upgrade the ithilien rangers that haven't been upgraded yet and leveled Faramir on the middle bridge to 5 for the +50% armor leadership bonus. I attacked the catapults one by one luring them into death while I also started building all towers in the southern base. Then I gathered everything except for 2 Ranger battalions and 1 Towerguard which stayed north and crossed the river. This will trigger nazgul to attack. Kill them asap. Establish a footholt on the other side and start taking down the base right across the river. Mount Faramir so he can dispatch any catapults quickly. Once that base is fully destroyed a large and very powerful (lvl 4+ Trolls, Oliphaunts and Orcs) will spawn. This is true for every base the enemy has. Therefor I gather all of my troops around the center of the base, once it's cleared I build a base of my own. the entrance will be to the southwest where I will build Towers at the entrance and on each spot while building a statue and a well in the back. The towers in the front will be cleared almost instantly, just rebuild them that gives your rangers till to kill anything that moves. Expect some heavy losses. Rebuild your army and kill everything but one small tower in the bottom right base. then go topside and do the same for the north base. Kill the manned towers with your catapults. Then kill both bases simultaneously and the mordor army will not spawn for base 2 and 3.
Kankra's Lair: Just walk around with Sam and kill all spiders. Don't free any soldiers. In the top left there is a troll which is too strong for Sam. So you let him throw rocks at it, until he is one hit away from death. use heal and wait until his health drops below half (after his health turns yellow one more hit) then activate the light. Once the troll flees just cloak. Wait for Sam to heal up and heal come off cooldown. Repeat this once and on your third fight with the troll sam should win. Proceed to clear everything with sam until you can only move south-east. Go and free all soldiers. Proceed with sam, kill spiders and free soldiers with soldiers. In the south there is a large arena. Gather all soldiers and tank Kankra with Sam. You will need to heal here so Sam doesn't die. Kankra runs and small spiders swarm. Your soldiers will take care of them. Kankra returns and who she focuses is random afaik so try to kite soldiers she targets away so your losses are not too big. After kankra is defeated clear the rest of the caves, gather treasure and free soldiers and gather at the exit. There is a small base in the bottom right corner guarded by some orcs. Kill them. Build the base and build 3 Smithies and a Farmstead where the Lumber Mill stood. Wait until your smithies reach Lvl 2 then research all upgrades. After the upgrades went through demolish 2 Smithies. Build an archery range and a barracks. Recruit 3 swordsmen battalions from the baracks so it reaches lvl 2. Take them and the rescued soldiers and let them die at the enemy base. They're all worthless. Recruit 12 batallions of Tower guard and 12 batallions of Archers. Fully upgrade them. Delete the archery range and build another Smithy. Throw your army against the enemy base. Once you breach the walls mordor will send a strong army so your first army is most likely lost. I managed to kill a lot by positioning towerguard wisely but in the end it wasn't enaugh. The army wont cross the bridge tho so you can just save up and build 12 Tower guard. Demolish the barracks and build an Archery Range. Build 12 Archer Battallions, full upgrade everyone. This force should be enaugh to overwhelm the defenders.
After that is Minas Tirith. That's where I am right now and I will update in the coming days once I complete it.
General: So far I feel like my troops survive more easily, the enemy armies aren't as punishing as before but I had to resort to cheesy strategies in Helms Deep and expect to cheese Minas Tirith aswell. This playthrough is therefor less challenging and usually I prefer more challenging games even or especiall when it frustrates me. But the changes just made me cheese less and restart less because I accidentally wiped 8 batallions of Rohirrim on a single urukhai spear batallion.
Mistakes I made so far: I didn't really level Gandalf in Fangorn or Helms Deep so I wont have access to lvl 10 in minas tirith. Wihch might be an issue.
I lost some Rohirrim in Dunharg which I couldn't really replenish.
(Maybe) bought the Rohirrim special power and am at 11 Special points with Anduril and Army of the dead missing.
Speaking of which: Special abilities, which I took and why:
Heal: Best ability in the game.
Bonus dmg for heroes: Worth the 1 point.
Gandalf the White: Grey is just useless.
Green-Land-Thingy: Handy in some missions.
Rohirrim: Helped me out at some later missions as fodder to throw into dangerous troops like spears and keep them occupied.
Anduril (not bought yet): Stronger Aragorn is always good, but it is a prereq for Army of the Dead.
Army of the Dead: Is good.
Eagles and Ents are not worth the points you can't use them in most missions. Elves were always underwhelming for me, they deal little to no damage, their range is kinda meh and their melee capabilities suck as in those missions you can use them the enemy has leveled and upgraded orcs/urukhai which delete the elves. Upgraded Peasents: The same reason I don't level Hobits. Sure you can take your time to do so but what's the point?

Yo. Love this car. It has some quirks I'm interested in understanding though.
Before that though, the car is a 2011 Jazz GE8 Vti, Manual transmission. Its got about 90,000k on the clock (55,000-ish Miles).

• 1. Is there a speed lock on shifting down to 2nd and 1st? I cannot down shift when going anything over around 30kph / 18-ish MPH. If I try to force it I get grinding. Never had any other manual car do this when downshifting...

From what I've seen when researching this it could be a plethora of things; worn clutch disk, worn out synchros, air in the clutch fluid, etc.
Because of the cars history and low odometer I can't see it being a wear & tear issue, the clutch oil is a fair bit dark though so that's going to get seen to anyway. Apart from that I've no idea... Anyone else?

• 2nd. The fan blower resistor has blown. I'm not sure I trust the cheap Chinese replacements to not have way to much solder to break when overloaded and start a fire in my car...

Would like to know if anyone has had any experience with them though. The OEM resistor is 4x the price.

• 3rd. I've got a slight grind/rattle when accelerating around 2k RPM. Took it to a family member with a hoist and we noticed a little rotational (not radial thankfully) play in the CV axle on the front+left side. Apparently the sound is fairly common with most MT Honda's of this year range.

Wondering if anyone else had similar experiences. The sound only happens at 2k RPM under medium load, but I'm sure it's not the engine lugging. The sound is very directional and doesn't not happen when accelerating below 2k RPM (which I'm not setting out to do mind you I know what RPM the engine is happy at.)
That's about it. If anyone here has answers for any of these questions I'm eager to listen. I've got a month left on my dealership warranty so I'd like to get any unusual service work done before that expires.
Thanks!

In a lot of sci-fi, people often dismiss surface defenses, or make them overpowered or ridiculous. Orbital bombardment's effectiveness is quite overstated when we look at the history of warfare. In particular wet navies at sea get overlooked. Certain writers will fight tooth and nail to keep infantry, tanks, planes, and artillery in a story, then laugh at the idea of a space marine ever setting foot in water. But why? Submarines are naturally stealthy, and theoretically can avoid getting shot from orbit by diving. Yet they'll be dismissed or ignored. A surface vessel has 71% of the globe to maneuver in, it can carry a large reactor and plenty of weapons of any kind. Yet it is generally taken for granted that all surface vessels would be sunk immediately in any conflict, and are worthless. Other criticisms abound, yet the most common threads are presumption or omission. There is an undercurrent that consistently believes the ability to destroy a planet will make all enemies submit, when that hasn't stopped us since Trinity. I submit that naval vessels are underutilized, and could be more useful than expected, as a mobile source of energy and firepower that's bigger than anything ever put on land, and through their maneuverability have an advantage no stationary installation can match in terms of survivability and strategic deployment.
The arguments generally made against naval vessels are that a wet navy ship can't hide. You can't throw a tarp over it like you can infantry, tanks, or planes. Critics will insist that a seagoing vessel will be instantly lit up, it will be a target that will immediately be destroyed. If a submarine pops up to fire, they'll get nuclear depth charge'd or shot with a laser. Here's a few questions; what's the difference between that and infantry? Why have ground forces at all? Some critics will ask that exact question. In some circles it's presumed that space warfare makes all other kinds of conflict obsolete, or that significant firepower does the same thing. The ability to destroy a planet has done nothing to dissuade us from having conventional war. But that's what we've always said with any new weapon. The Templin Institute video on planetary invasion had a great description of this.
https://youtu.be/XgN5yq362_s
Before WWII, strategic bombing was seen as a game ender. It's effects on breaking the enemy's will to fight is dubious at best. Strategic bombing and nuclear weapons did nothing to end war, or force the enemy to surrender. Even with Hiroshima and Nagasaki, that was a country at its breaking point after fifteen years of near-constant conflict, and five years of a global war. And still, some holdouts tried to stage a coup to prevent the emperor from surrendering.
After WWII, there were those who believed the nuclear age put an end to conventional war. The air force insisted the Navy and Marines were obsolete. This was part of a conflict that would be known as the Revolt of the Admirals. Air Force General Frank A Armstrong was quoted in Nathan Miller's "The US Navy: A History":
"You gentlemen had better understand that the Army Air Force is tired of being a subordinate outfit. It was a predominant force during the war, and it is going to be a predominant force during the peace, and you might as well make up your minds whether you like it or not, and we do not care whether you like it or not. The Army Air Force is going to run the show. You, the Navy, are not going to have anything but a couple of carriers that are ineffective anyway, and they will probably be sunk in the first battle. Now as for the Marines, you know what the Marines are, a small bitched-up army talking Navy lingo. We are going to put those Marines in the Regular Army and make efficient soldiers out of them."
This was accompanied by:
"In the age of atomic warfare, the fast carrier task force was regarded as an anachronism, and such a massive concentration of ships was seen as being more vulnerable to the bomb than any other weapon system...some strategists doubted that the navy would have an important part to play in the future...Admiral Nimitz, then chief of naval operations, pointed out the same thing had been said about the navy when the submarine, the torpedo, and the airplane were introduced. 'While the prophets of naval doom are shouting themselves hoarse, the Navy will be at work to make the changes needed to accommodate American sea power to the new weapons,' he declared..."
They can't think of a war without nuclear weapons. Then the very first war we came across after WWII, Korea, they could not use nuclear weapons at all. Political, economic, or military reasons could all make orbital bombardment less than desirable in certain situations. The situation might prevent it politically. There's limited wars, there's rules of engagement, there's resources you need, there's stuff you want. On the other side of the equation the weapons might not show the results you expect. They might not be accurate, they might be affected by some new flaw, they're just not what you hoped. Or the enemy is more capable than you expect.
Heinlein said in Starship Troopers that "War is not violence and killing, pure and simple; war is controlled violence, for a purpose." Clausewitz once said that "War is a mere continuation of policy by other means". And I say that the ability to destroy a planet is insignificant compared to the power of "why on earth would you do that". If your goal is to conquer a planet, simply glassing it won't get you anything. If you wish to conquer and seize land, you need to send troops. You need someone to hold it and die for it.
So why in the world must this apply to everything but the wet navy? You will see people with big garrisons, you'll see Bolo cybertanks with megaton-per-second firepower, you'll see infantry doing guerilla warfare, you'll even see aircraft. Why is the wet navy seen as so obsolete in sci-fi circles? The largest vehicle ever built in the real world is the ship Seawise Giant, nearly twice the size of the Hindenburg, the largest flying machine ever built, and longer than the largest aircraft carriers ever. This means that a future battleship, carrier, or other vessel could be just as big and carry enormous weapons. Yet still folks insist that because surface ships can't throw a tarp over themselves, that they'll be sitting ducks.
Submarines I've noticed in some circles are a solution. They are small, sneaky, and can use lasers as much as missiles. Others say that they're vulnerable when launching, hence the laser idea. One cool idea I've seen is a boat that extends out big laser arrays on the surface connected by a tether to the sub hiding deep underwater, so that if the laser is shot the submarine is safe beneath the waves. Yet just as often when this idea is proposed, it is claimed that if a submarine pops up, they'll be bombed, insisting that satellites have advanced too far. I don't know enough to speak to that, but there's a lot of ocean. What do you gain by wasting ammo dropping rocks on 71% of the planet just to be sure they don't have a submarine hiding? Wouldn't that be an excellent reason to have submarines, just so the enemy has to waste ships patrolling and not hitting the land targets?
The arguments eventually circle around to "we can nuke it". First of all, the ocean is big and it is deep. You'd trash the environment, including things you might want to conquer, if you vaporized thousands of square kilometers of sea water to kill a single hundred-meter sub. As I must repeat, the ability to destroy a planet is insignificant compared to the power of "why on earth would you do that?" During the Cold War, despite having the ability to glass the planet, we still built tanks, ships, and artillery, because there are certain kinds of war, certain modes of operation, certain things that don't involve total annihilation, because so often that's not what war is about. If you want to conquer a planet, you have to take it. The Soviets being able to annihilate Washington didn't magically alter the fact that they didn't have the ships to move any troops to hold it.
A submarine is one thing. If that can survive, why not a surface ship? Again, that tarp thing would be the answer. "They're sitting ducks!" One must ask why? During the Cold War, carriers were vulnerable, sure, but we still built them, and they can carry nukes too. And they can do a lot more things than a battleship can, from disaster relief to moving the crew's cars. A surface ship can be stealthy, just not as much as a sub. They can carry larger weapons than a sub, with more power to put through them.
While it's said a surface ship can't hide, neither can a starship, it's sitting up there shedding heat like mad. A surface ship has the whole planet to play with.
http://www.rocketpunk-manifesto.com/2009/06/space-warfare-i-gravity-well.html
One scenario pitched to me recently is a bunch of corvettes and frigates loaded down with missiles and lasers that shoot their wad in the opening salvos like a lot of Cold War plans. But does it have to be that small?
Let me be clear. Current generations of naval vessels likely wouldn't stand a chance. But they create an interesting precedent, because there exist multiple anti-satellite(ASAT) weapon projects that we could extrapolate for use on a surface vessel. We have a ton of projects, from the MIRACL directed-energy weapon, to the ASM-135 air-launched missile, the YAL-1 Airborne Laser(ABL), to the RIM-161 Standard Missile 3(not technically anti-satellite, it's an anti-ballistic missile that has been used in ASAT roles). These are ground-based, air-launched, and sea-based. We also can think about space guns, i.e. weapons used to launch projectiles into space. Project HARP in the 1960s used modified 16-inch naval guns to launch projectiles high into space. They succeeded, and a mass driverailgun would likely be able to get the same performance out of a smaller package. Keep in mind, these weapons don't need to achieve orbit, they just need to hit something in orbit, so they can be much smaller. They were flawed, and less than accurate, but they do exist. So this means that we can speculate on the future of these weapons if they were more mature. And all of these could be mounted on relatively conventional platforms. Size isn't everything, yet a war machine's power isn't in just its armor, but in its ability to deliver offensive power as much as defensive power.
The MIRACL was ground-based, and not mobile; they tried to use it to shoot at a satellite. It didn't work well, they ended up using a smaller less powerful weapon for the job. The YAL-1 ABL was a 747 modified with a weapon of the same output as the MIRACL, only airborne. The ASM-135 was attached to a squadron of unmodified F-15s that would go into supersonic zoom climbs to launch the missiles. The RIM-161 is an anti-ballistic missile mounted on standard AEGIS VLS cells that has successfully intercepted satellites. 16-inch guns have been used on battleships for years. And with newer technologies, you don't need anything that dramatic, or that big. In the 1970s, the US experimented with an eight-inch gun mounted on a destroyer. That project didn't go very far, but it did function, and it means big guns can be mounted on small ships.
So, let me lay it out. F-15s(which people have considered using for aircraft carriers), conventional VLS cells, and cannons have precedent for being able to intercept spacecraft. Modern stealth systems do exist even for surface vessels, they can't hide as well, but they can carry a larger variety of weapons, and more powerful reactors than a sub. This creates precedent that modern destroyers, or something similar, and aircraft carriers, could serve a role in space warfare. As for surviving orbital bombardment? Super-cavitation is a process for reducing drag on a ship or a weapon's hull as it travels through the water. We also have hydrojets, hydrofoils, and other technologies that are deployed or in the works. Increasing the speed of a surface ship could be the difference between life and death for it.
A futuristic carrier group might consist of a carrier, smaller than ours perhaps, equipped with futuristic air-breathing aircraft, protected by destroyers and submarines. These destroyers are armed with energy weapons, missiles, and cannons capable of firing at targets in orbit. The submarines can do the same thing. The carrier can provide air support to land-based units and fire at the enemy in space without having to worry about needing specialized runways or that they might get hit in a first strike. The escorts can shoot at the enemy, provide gunfire support when needed, and light out at a hundred knots to escape the blast of an orbital bomb.
Now, there are certainly challenges. What warrants posting a large force like this on a planet that might not have any fighting? I'm not sure that is easy to answer, though one thought is to ask what's the point of the Kansas National Guard? They're not likely to see any combat anytime soon. On the other hand, navies in our world exist to fight potential threats. Depending on a setting, your colony world might only have one faction there. Having a trained naval force might be very useful for disaster relief and keeping the peace.
There's also reason for water-based Marines, with amphibious assault ships and all the bells and whistles therein; big transports, air cushion landing craft, helicopters, etc. What if the enemy lands across the continent? Or across an ocean? Might you need sea transportation? Imagine if you didn't have surface defenses. You have militia to play guerilla, and orbital defenses, and your colony only settled on one of two continents on the planet. The enemy blows up your orbital defenses, then steals some mining equipment and sets up a whole operation on the other side, eating up your planet's resources, sending them off to the war effort, while you're completely helpless because the biggest boat you have is a yacht. You can't fight back without being bombed, but you can't even fight back without that because you don't have any missiles, lasers, or any other weapons capable of hitting their ships, and more than that, you can't even get your four thousand militia over there to destroy the mine. A futuristic carrier group would make all the difference here, with access to amphibious assault equipment and other gear that can move in one go what could take months by helicopter.
One thing that keeps coming back in this debate is "but they could get bombed, why bother investing in them?" In the Cold War, trillions were invested in technologies they knew would get annihilated in any conflict. That a first strike could wipe out all our bombers and missiles in one stroke. And that is what second strike capability is about, the ability to hit back even if they hit you first. No matter how much you destroyed, no matter how many ships you sank, missiles you found, or bombers you shot, you could never ever be sure the enemy couldn't drop a hundred more nukes on you hidden somewhere. If even a single plane, a single fighter jet, with a single pilot, got through, millions would die. So much of modern warfare is based on the idea that this advanced weapon could easily be wiped out in a master stroke.
I submit that wet naval vessels are underutilized in sci-fi circles, and could be more useful than expected, as a mobile source of energy and firepower that's bigger than anything ever put on land, and demonstrate strategic mobility and survivability their maneuverability have an advantage no stationary installation can match. They can respond to threats all over a planet, and engage with the enemy in space. Like how nuclear weapons didn't end the age of the carrier, I doubt orbital bombardment would put an end to the sea.
Let me know your thoughts, or suggestions you have for using sea vessels in the context of space warfare!

My hopes of Gerry Andersons Cutaway by and done by Graham Bleathman and here are the list
Fireball XL5
• Fireball XL5

• Space City


Planet 46
• Subterrain Fighter

Hypnotic Sphere
• Hypnotic Sphere

• E-Type Tanker (EF-Z4)

The Doomed Planet
• Flying Saucer


The Sun Temple
• J17 Warrior Rocket

• Sun Temple


Space Immigrants
• Mayflower Colony Ship (Mayflower 3)


Spy In Space
• SS Thor


Space Pirates
• Liberty-Class Space Freighter

• Q-Ship


Last Of The Zanadus
• Explorer EX10


Space Pen
• Freighter 2X4


Convict In Space
• Type 37H Spacecraft


Wings Of Danger
• Robot Bird


The Triads
• Trooper 2 Rocket

Sabotage
• Light Patrol Craft (LP22)

• Gamma Ship

• Space Rescue Craft

Mystery Of The TA2
• TA-Class Explorer Craft (TA2)


The Granatoid Tanks
• Granatoid Tanks

The Robot Freighter Mystery
• Robot Freighter

• SCS Valiant

Invasion Earth
• Invaders Ship

A Day In The Life Of a Space General
• A-Type Bulk Freighter (Freighter A14)

• G-Type Tanker (Tanker G (for George))

Space City Special
• Supersonic Military Airliner (SL6 Supersonic Airliner)

Stingray
• Marineville

• WSP Headquarters

• Terror Fish

• Titanica

• Island of Lemoy

• X20’s Sub

• WASP Spearhead Jet

• WASP Arrowhead Jet

• WASP Helicopter


Stingray
• WSP Sea Probe Sub

Plant Of Doom
• Pacifica

Sea Of Oil
• Oil Rig

• Gerit's Sub

Hostages Of The Deep
• Island of Lull

• Gadas’s Sub

• Gadas’s Base

The Big Gun
• Solarstar Missile Ejector Sub

• Solarstar


The Golden Sea
• FD7 Ship

• B1 Bathyscaphe

• Titan's Personal Underwater Craft

The Ghost Ship
• Ghost Galleon Ship

The Ghost Of The Sea
• Yellow Sub

• WSP Guard Submarine

Emergency Marineville
• Val Island

The Invaders
• WASP Weather Station

• Epayus & Ilium’s Base

• Underground Travel Drilling Cylinder


Raptures Of The Deep
• Hepcat Sub

• Tempest Tower



The Man From The Navy
• WN27 Sub


Pink Ice
• Pink Ice Sub

Star Of The East
• Gunboat Wadi

• WSP Remote Control Freight Airliner

Deep Heat
• Robot Sea Probe

• Voldana


In Search Of The Tajmanon
• Tajmanon


Titan Goes Pop
• WASP Hover Scooter


Tune Of Danger
• Downbeat Sub


A Nut For Marineville
• Missile Sub


Trapped In The Depths
• Undersea Fish Farm

• Magnet Tug


Eastern Eclipse
• APF1 Biplane

A Christmas To Remember
• Mystery Sub

The Lighthouse Dwellers
• Supersonic 101 Airliner

Thunderbirds
• Thunderbird 1


• Thunderbird 2


• Thunderbird 3


• Thunderbird 4


• Thunderbird 5


• FAB1


• Round House


• Hood’s Temple


• Creighton-Ward Mansion


Pod Vehicles
• Mole


• Firefly


• Monobrake


• Jet-Air Transporter


• Firecat


• Neutralizer Tractor


• DOMO (Demolition and Object Moving Operator)


• Elevator Cars


• Mobile Crane


• Booster Mortar


• Excavator


• Laser Cutter


• Recovery Vehicles


• Transmitter Truck


• Dicetylene Cage


Trapped In The Sky
• London International Airport


• Fireflash


• TX-204 Target Carrying Aircraft


Pit Of Peril
• Sidewinder


• Copter Watchdog





The Perils Of Penelope
• Monorail


• Anderbad Tunnel


Terror In New York City
• U.S.N. Sentinel


• Operation Moving Empire State Building


• Terror In New York City Rescue


Edge Of Impact
• Red Arrow Jet


• Foreign Fighter Jet


• British Telecom Tower


• Edge Of Impact Rescue

Day For Disaster
• Martian Space Probe (M.S.P)


• Day For Disaster Rescue


30 Minutes After Noon
• Hudson Building


Desperate Intruder
• Submarine Transport Truck


• 3E Submarine


• Mobile Control Room Caravans


• Lake Anasta/Lost Temple


End Of The Road
• Gray & Houseman Road Construction Vehicle


• Explosives Truck


• End Of The Road Rescue


The Uninvited
• Desert Jeep


• Zombite Fighter Jets


• Lost Pyramid of Khamandides


Sun Probe
• Sun Probe


• Cape Kennedy Solar Control Centre


Operation Crash-Dive
• Operation Crash-Dive Rescue


Vault Of Death
• Bank of England


The Mighty Atom
• Atomic Irrigation Station (Australia)


• Government Research Unit


• Saharan Atomic Station


City of Fire
• Thompson Tower


• City Of Fire Rescue


The Impostors
• EJ2 Jet


• Central Office of the General Staff Command


• Space Observatory 3


• Jeremiah Tuttle's House


The Man From MI.5
• FAB 2


• Carl’s Submarine


Cry Wolf
• Dunsley Tracker


Danger at Ocean Deep
• Ocean Pioneer Tanker


Move - And You're Dead
• Parola Sands Raceway


The Duchess Assignment
• Gazelle Automations Inc

• The Duchess Assignment Rescue


Brink Of Disaster
• Brink Of Disaster Rescue


Attack of the Alligators!
• Ambro River House


Martian Invasion
• Martian Invasion Movie Set


The Cham-Cham
• RTL-2


• Matthews Field Air Base


Security Hazard
• Security Hazard Rescue


Atlantic Inferno
• W.N.S. Reaper

• Seascape

• Bonga-Bonga

• Atlantic Inferno Rescue


Path Of Destruction
• Crablogger

• Crablogger Base Control Vehicle

• Path Of Destruction Rescue


Alias Mr. Hackenbacker
• Skythrust

• D103 Airliner







Lord Parker's 'Oliday
• Solar Station (Monte Bianco)


Ricochet
• Sentinel Base

• Pirate Satellite TV Station KLA

• Telsat 4


Give Or Take A Million
• Container Rocket/Christmas Rocket

• Coralville Children's Hospital


Captain Scarlet & The Mysterons

The Mysterons
• London Car-Vu


Winged Assassin
• Delta Tango One-Niner (DT19)


Manhunt
• Culver Atomic Centre


Point 783
• Observation Post Point 783


Renegade Rocket
• Base Concord

• Variable Geometry Rocket (VGR)

• J17 Interceptor Jet


White as Snow
• TVR-17

• USS Panther ll

Spectrum Strikes Back
• Hunting Lodge


Avalanche
• Liquid Oxygen Truck


Shadow Of Fear
• K14 Observatory

• Mini Sat 5


The Trap
• XQR


Lunarville 7
• XK3 Rocket


The Heart Of New York
• Spectrum Security Vault

• Criminal Sub

• Second National Bank


Traitor
• Koala Base


Fire at Rig 15
• Rig 15


Flight to Atlantica
• V.17-Alpha Bomber


Crater 101
• Lunarville 6

• Moon Tank

• Moon Tractor

• Mysteron Attack Vehicle

• Mysteron Control Vehicle

• CB29 Space Probe



Noose of Ice
• Snow Cougar 21


Treble Cross
• XK107 Bomber


Inferno
• Euro Tracker

• SKR4 Rocket


Flight 104
• Flight 104 Airliner


Expo 2068
• Nuclear Reactor Facility

• Transport Truck 43

• Seneca Remote Control Cargo Helicopter


The Launching
• Tribune 3

• Atomic Liner (President Roberts)


Codename Europa
• Vadon Base

• Maximum Security Centre


Attack on Cloudbase
• Mysterons Flying Saucer


Joe 90

• McClaines’s Cottage

• W.I.N Headquaters

• Jet Air Car

• W.I.N Company Car


The Most Special Agent
• MiG 242 Fighter


Hi-Jacked
• Hovervan


Splashdown
• AV21 Passenger Jet


Big Fish
• U85 Submarine


Business Holiday
• Fast Attack Vehicle A14

• Beneleta Army Base


Most Special Astronaut
• O.T.C Space Station


• Orbital Transfer Company (O.T.C) Triton OC2 Rocket


Arctic Adventure
• V107 Bomber

• Vostula Base

• Deep Sea Recovery Vessel Athena Submarine (DSRV-3)


The Fortress
• Fortress

• Stealth Hovercraft


Colonel McClaine
• U59 Wildcat


The Race
• U87 Army Vehicle


The Professional
• Langallo Castle


• Spider Riot Control Vehicle and Guard Vehicle


Talkdown
• F116 Jet


Breakout
• Cherook Penitentiary Truck

• Prime Minster's Monorail

Attack Of The Tiger
• VG104 Fighter Bomber

• Eastern Alliance Missile Base


Mission X-41
• Test X-41 Helijets


Test Flight
• Orbital Glide Transport 780 (O.G.T)


UFO

• Harlington-Straker Film Studios

• Space Intruder Detector (S.I.D)

• Space Interceptor

• Moonmoblie

• Moonbase Defence Vehicle

• Lunar Carrier

• Lunar Module

• Neptune Space Monitor

• SkydiveSky 1

• Seagull X-Ray

• S.H.A.D.O Albatross

• Kingfisher VTOL Aircraft

• S.H.A.D.O Mobiles

• UFO Flying Saucer

• SHADO Executive Car


Terrahawks

• Hawknest

• Treehawk

• Spacehawk

• Hawkwing

• Battlehawk

• Terrahawk

• Battletank

• Hudson

• Groundhawk

• MEV

• Zelda’s Ships/Lair (Fin, Dog, Shark, Rhino, Ice-Box, and Phantom)

• ZEAF

First off, I hate myself and think I’m a terrible person already, so I don’t care if it makes people hate me more. FFS if you were homeless everyone would hate you just for that, so why wouldn’t you want to go a route as such just to win and stop being a victim and away from all the a holes and the evils of the world. People get r word and k word out there. (Reddit doesn’t like these words, but they’re not hard to figure out what they are).
Also, what many people consider a scam is sometimes technically legal. Like “how to get rich doing this” courses. As long as you disclaim that results aren’t guaranteed, and that you’re just teaching ways that COULD make you rich, you’re committing no crime. In fact you might even help people. College is just as much as a scam as that, because degrees “don’t guarantee jobs”, and many people now they there are TOO MANY degrees, so I guess there are more college graduates than there are jobs available.
I’m so fed up with looking up ways to make money online and every result being a get rich quick guru, so maybe that IS the way, telling other people how to (POSSIBLY) get rich.
It’s like the entire system is broken, capitalism/supply and demand, by design there HAS to be people in poverty, and SO MANY jobs REFUSE to pay a living wage (I even read about a grocery store that chose to close down instead of raising pay by $4 more an hour, so instead of paying employees more, they chose to stop making money completely, wtfh?
It seems like all these great promising opportunities come out but then they get over saturated, like GME and crypto and NFTs, they all seem pretty dead now.
Society respects rich frauds more than humble people struggling to survive anyway. And I rather be DEAD than homeless or in prison, or any type of isolation/imprisonment, even if the police rescue you you’re just going to end up homeless anyway, there are reasons victims of abuse stay and don’t leave.
AI is making life easier AND MORE FAIR, but people aren’t willing to pay as much if at all for something that they can themselves tell AI to do for little to no cost.
I’m gonna be SO GLAD when self driving cars make human driving illegal, I’ll VOTE FOR IT, then I can never be stranded or disqualified purely because I can’t safely and steady control a death machine surrounded by other death machines with police constantly watching to ruin your life even if you didn’t ruin anyone else’s life.
I’ll never understand how most people work better jobs for years and years (although supposedly most people DO experience getting fired at least once, maybe that’s normal now) with all the psychological tricks and gaslighting and secret languages and communications they use to test you, and all the awkward focus on things that aren’t really that important.
But just in general despite all these it’s BS you’re not allowed to make more than a set amount per hour, AND not allowed to work either less, OR MORE hours than you want or need. Having to work more than 40 hours is kind of BS, but it’s also BS to not be able to GET 40 hours.
And lose your job lose your health insurance and then have to go into massive debt until your credit card is cut off and you go into withdrawal from 4+ meds and then end up in the ER with even more debt and the police might kill you and they send people to prison to be annually rapped it’s part of the prison punishment system.
But yeah people with the best ideas succeed average barely survive and disadvantaged suffer and die.
They’re never going to let me out of this because they know I’ll sue them and get millions and THEY’LL go to prison and get annually rapped. If that’s what’s really going on, it would explain A LOT.
But idk how tf you be financially successful in modern day USA. All the opportunities for the untalented are quickly oversaturated and the market lose interest. I guess everyone just stuck wage slaving until the next thing? Maybe some have secret methods they’re not sharing but most probably have nothing but the wage slaving until the next opportunity is created and released and they HOPEFULLY catch it before it takes off.
Like this “go to a job and do meaningless bs for less than a living wage” can’t be the only way the masses can access.
I stopped even writing fanfiction or anything really creative for enjoyment because im too worried about money. My parents want to retire in a few years and im already 28 now.
They’re now telling me I should look into applying for disability to supplement my job, solidifying I’m a failure.
I don’t want to be a victim of my circumstances anymore, I lost most of my life already, my parents even told me that I’m getting “up in age”, all that “you’re young you have time”was worthless BS for me, the time passed and I’ve barely been able to progress.
I rather be a con artist than a bum and/or a mooch off the taxpayers and/or be homeless, I rather be DEAD than those things.
I don’t understand why life is so hard, but it has become clear to me that it’s all a contest, and many must lose and suffer for less to win and succeed and thrive.
I just want to be able to generate income remotely and be left the hell alone from society, even without being homeless I rather be away from society, be left alone.
Most jobs don’t really benefit or attribute to society anyway.
There has to be something I can create that goes viral and somehow has advertising/marketing opportunities…….
But even if I did it’d probably be very cynical reflecting myself, but much of media is and people love it.
Hmm, I’m honestly kind of waiting for AI to do more like generating VIDEO and editing and all that. But then everyone else will be using it and over saturating the market the likes history has never seen, it will be completely unprecedented.
But AI allows more people to create without all the technical requirements getting in the way.
Nobody even understands what the hell I’m saying. I swear I really am on a different dimensional plane of existence.

First off, I hate myself and think I’m a terrible person already, so I don’t care if it makes people hate me more. FFS if you were homeless everyone would hate you just for that, so why wouldn’t you want to go a route as such just to win and stop being a victim and away from all the a holes and the evils of the world. People get r word and k word out there. (Reddit doesn’t like these words, but they’re not hard to figure out what they are).
Also, what many people consider a scam is sometimes technically legal. Like “how to get rich doing this” courses. As long as you disclaim that results aren’t guaranteed, and that you’re just teaching ways that COULD make you rich, you’re committing no crime. In fact you might even help people. College is just as much as a scam as that, because degrees “don’t guarantee jobs”, and many people now they there are TOO MANY degrees, so I guess there are more college graduates than there are jobs available.
I’m so fed up with looking up ways to make money online and every result being a get rich quick guru, so maybe that IS the way, telling other people how to (POSSIBLY) get rich.
It’s like the entire system is broken, capitalism/supply and demand, by design there HAS to be people in poverty, and SO MANY jobs REFUSE to pay a living wage (I even read about a grocery store that chose to close down instead of raising pay by $4 more an hour, so instead of paying employees more, they chose to stop making money completely, wtfh?
It seems like all these great promising opportunities come out but then they get over saturated, like GME and crypto and NFTs, they all seem pretty dead now.
Society respects rich frauds more than humble people struggling to survive anyway. And I rather be DEAD than homeless or in prison, or any type of isolation/imprisonment, even if the police rescue you you’re just going to end up homeless anyway, there are reasons victims of abuse stay and don’t leave.
AI is making life easier AND MORE FAIR, but people aren’t willing to pay as much if at all for something that they can themselves tell AI to do for little to no cost.
I’m gonna be SO GLAD when self driving cars make human driving illegal, I’ll VOTE FOR IT, then I can never be stranded or disqualified purely because I can’t safely and steady control a death machine surrounded by other death machines with police constantly watching to ruin your life even if you didn’t ruin anyone else’s life.
I’ll never understand how most people work better jobs for years and years (although supposedly most people DO experience getting fired at least once, maybe that’s normal now) with all the psychological tricks and gaslighting and secret languages and communications they use to test you, and all the awkward focus on things that aren’t really that important.
But just in general despite all these it’s BS you’re not allowed to make more than a set amount per hour, AND not allowed to work either less, OR MORE hours than you want or need. Having to work more than 40 hours is kind of BS, but it’s also BS to not be able to GET 40 hours.
And lose your job lose your health insurance and then have to go into massive debt until your credit card is cut off and you go into withdrawal from 4+ meds and then end up in the ER with even more debt and the police might kill you and they send people to prison to be annually rapped it’s part of the prison punishment system.
But yeah people with the best ideas succeed average barely survive and disadvantaged suffer and die.
They’re never going to let me out of this because they know I’ll sue them and get millions and THEY’LL go to prison and get annually rapped. If that’s what’s really going on, it would explain A LOT.
But idk how tf you be financially successful in modern day USA. All the opportunities for the untalented are quickly oversaturated and the market lose interest. I guess everyone just stuck wage slaving until the next thing? Maybe some have secret methods they’re not sharing but most probably have nothing but the wage slaving until the next opportunity is created and released and they HOPEFULLY catch it before it takes off.
Like this “go to a job and do meaningless bs for less than a living wage” can’t be the only way the masses can access.
I stopped even writing fanfiction or anything really creative for enjoyment because im too worried about money. My parents want to retire in a few years and im already 28 now.
They’re now telling me I should look into applying for disability to supplement my job, solidifying I’m a failure.
I don’t want to be a victim of my circumstances anymore, I lost most of my life already, my parents even told me that I’m getting “up in age”, all that “you’re young you have time”was worthless BS for me, the time passed and I’ve barely been able to progress.
I rather be a con artist than a bum and/or a mooch off the taxpayers and/or be homeless, I rather be DEAD than those things.
I don’t understand why life is so hard, but it has become clear to me that it’s all a contest, and many must lose and suffer for less to win and succeed and thrive.
I just want to be able to generate income remotely and be left the hell alone from society, even without being homeless I rather be away from society, be left alone.
Most jobs don’t really benefit or attribute to society anyway.
There has to be something I can create that goes viral and somehow has advertising/marketing opportunities…….
But even if I did it’d probably be very cynical reflecting myself, but much of media is and people love it.
Hmm, I’m honestly kind of waiting for AI to do more like generating VIDEO and editing and all that. But then everyone else will be using it and over saturating the market the likes history has never seen, it will be completely unprecedented.
But AI allows more people to create without all the technical requirements getting in the way.
Nobody even understands what the hell I’m saying. I swear I really am on a different dimensional plane of existence.

Has anyone experimented with a tweak to the Django ORM that raises an exception if code tries to access a relation that hasn’t been queried already (via pre_select, pre_fetch, or manually assigned to the object)? Or are there any projects that do this?
My intent would be to have very explicit enforcement of n+1 query prevention.
I know there are various APM services and great profilers like https://github.com/jazzband/django-silk or the Debug toolbar, but this seems like it could be a more active way of finding issues.
Some additional things it would probably need to do:

• make it so it can be turned on or off via settings, similar to `DEBUG_TOOLBAR_ENABLED = True`, since I’d expect no one would want this enabled in prod
• add some way to safely access a relation, e.g., something like `safe_access_relation(instance, field_name)`
• decorators and/or context managers to isolate sections of code that should enforce this feature or not
• logging mode that doesn't raise exceptions, but tracks when relation auto-lookups happen and reports them in some way

Obviously there are other problems this doesn’t address, like inefficient queries (missing indices, missing pagination or limits, doing too much, etc.), so I don’t see this as a silver bullet, but could be one way to get developers to be more aware of database queries.

My idea for the GxK sequel plot would begin with Godzilla waking up from his sleep in the Colosseum and returning to Tiamat's former layer to complete his evolution. Fast forward a few months later, and Godzilla emerges from the lair, completing his evolution and starting to look a little bit more like Tiamat.
Fast forward a few years, and Monarch detects two previously unknown Titans emerge from the Hollow Earth, Titanus Qalupalik, an ugly serpent-like fish or amphibian emerging from the Arctic Circle, and Titanus Dakuwaqa, a shark Titan emerging from a portal in the sea near Kadavu Island. Monarch figures they are here to take over the niches left by Scylla and Tiamat. Godzilla encounters Qalupalik first, who is combative, and they get into a quick one-sided fight which forces Qalupalik to submit. Godzilla gives her a pass and accepts her to take Tiamat's place. Then Godzilla meets up with Dakuwaqa, who begins a ritualistic dance of sorts to gain Godzilla's approval. After Godzilla inspects him and his demeanor, he accepts Dakuwaqa to take his new territory. Then, Godzilla moves to Madagascar to rest.
On the human side of the story, public outrage over the incompetence of both Monarch and world governments to prepare for these Titan attacks is at an all-time high. Governments are now arguing over how to deal with them. Some leaders want to eliminate Godzilla because they believe Godzilla is going to attack them anyway regardless of whether they provoke him or not and that he is too powerful to let alive. Others want to focus more on a Hollow Earth takeover and declare war on the Kongs because they fear that they can plan another attack on the surface world. Monarch tries to assure them that such an event would not happen again because of their change in leadership, but many are still unconvinced. The American government, along with other NATO countries, begin investing in developing a new type of military weapon to deal with Godzilla, the Super X. They also are trying to seal up the holes left in Hong Kong, Cairo, and Rio de Janeiro to ensure nothing from the Hollow Earth can use those portals to invade the surface world again. Monarch gets into heated conflicts over world governments over the portals, as they want to keep a few open for research purposes among other things. The governments relent and allow the portal in Barbados to remain open but require them to invest in extra security in case of an emergency.
Returning to Godzilla, he is suffering from irritating skin parasites (these parasites would be Shockirus, Endoswarmers, or an original kaiju). To deal with them, he begins trying to scrape them off by rubbing himself against the seafloor near the coast of Madagascar. He also tries reaching for some with his jaws and claws. The people on the beach are witnessing this as it is happening, and once Godzilla gets rid of most of the parasites, the beachgoers realize that some of them haven't been killed yet, and as they are aggressive and still larger than humans, they emerge from the shore to attack humans. But this terror is short lived as Godzilla quickly comes in to finish them off. Godzilla then returns back to the water but stays close enough to the island where people can clearly see him. He floats in the water, similarly to a crocodile, with his head and eyes above the water. He is staring at the people and the coasts intensely, which makes the beachgoers feel uncomfortable. Then, it transitions to some flashbacks where we see Madagascar 5 million years ago. These flashbacks would likely be of Godzilla's memories of his youth, from his birth to the other megafauna that used to exist on the island back in the day. Then, it would transition to another flashback where Godzilla encounters some indigenous people on Madagascar as a more mature individual. He curiously stares at the people and the chieftain looks back with great reverence. The people bow and begin to worship him, and Godzilla continues to look at them tenderly. Returning back to the present day, Godzilla lets out a deep low bellow, which gives off the impression of sadness. In reality, Godzilla is upset that he has become more disconnected to the world he protects and now feels like his life has become nothing but fighting to protect it without being able to take pleasure in its wonders.
Switching the attention to Kong, a fight sequence occurs between Kong and another Great Ape wielding a heavy machete. They are fighting in the battle arena as some apes watch the fight while others are busy doing other things. Kong prevails and the Great Ape falls to the ground. After the fight, Kong helps the Great Ape back up. It turns out the fight was nothing more than training; one of the things Kong has begun to do since his rise to power is to teach his people self-defense. As the audience gets a better look of what life is now like in their layer, it is revealed that Kong has recruited a group of Great Apes to assist him in pushing forward his policies. For example, there is a group of Great Apes that are tasked with keeping track of their inventory and rationing their food and water for the tribe. Another group was tasked to build a safe bridge replacing the giant skeleton, which was at this point completed. Others are taking care of the children and so on. Then there are apes that are farming fields of crops, which Mothra periodically visits to pollinate. Shimo, meanwhile, is just chilling with the apes and is not confined to her pit anymore. Kong has no generals or anyone with military roles as he has no interest in conquest and does not see the need for an army at the moment. Kong also does not allow anyone to gather food or water on their own except for him, because he does not want to put anyone else in danger. He meets up with Suko after his duel and is approached by Boots, who is also now a trusted advisor to him, and is alerting him of an approaching Titan. It turns out to be a squadron of Monarch HEAVs and Jet Jaguar, piloted by Trapper. After the fight in Rio, Monarch sent expedition crews to visit the Kong lair, and were horrified by the living conditions that Skar King created. So, they planned an initiative to deliver humanitarian aid to the apes, providing them with food or water, and also trying to make diplomatic measures with them and the Iwi tribe. They have developed a new type of bioengineered crop made from various Hollow Earth flora and Titan cells to feed the apes (which can be a set-up for Biollante in a future installment) and a new type of HEAV that can carry a heavier load to transport these resources. They also created a humanoid mech named Jet Jaguar, piloted by Trapper, which serves as both a diplomat and a vet, fully equipped with veterinary tools that allow it to treat pathologies for Titans, including the Great Apes. In addition, Monarch has rebuilt the Titan Hunter with some improvements as NATO voted to force them to reconstruct it as a self-defense weapon in case of another Titan attack. Since that has not happened yet since the Rio attack, the Titan Hunter has not yet been used. Jet Jaguar and the HEAVs are arriving at the lair with another shipment of resources, including more tools for the apes to plant their own crops. While the Great Apes begin to collect the shipments from the HEAVs, Kong greets Jet Jaguar, who is here to treat a Great Ape with severe physical ailments. This ape has torn tendons and ligaments from slave labor and requires casts for all of his limbs. The challenge with treating the apes is that they are still cautious of foreigners, so Monarch has had to learn patience when working with them. They also have only one mech to perform surgeries with, so they can only treat one ape at a time. Kong and Jet Jaguar meet up with the patient, an as they perform surgery, Kong has to be with the ape to soothe and comfort him as Jet Jaguar begins surgery. After a successful surgery is completed and the Monarch team departs, Kong sits back and looks at his tribe. He begins to have feelings of self-doubt, that he is not up for the task, despite trying his best. He also still feels Skar King's presence, as the pain and damage he has caused still greatly lingers even after death. Kong begins to suffer from insomnia and nightmares from Skar King, showing his presence is still strong and relentless even after death.
Then, the Monarch team visits the Iwi city and delivers the rest of their resources which were designated for them. Here, in this scene, while the audience gets a better glimpse of what life for the Iwi is like, they also get to see Phosphera, another guardian Titan (The best explanation I can come up for why Phosphera did not show up to fight Skar King in the previous movie here would be that she was in a metamorphosing stage during the events of GxK and was too immature to safely break out of her cocoon until after the events of the movie.)
Back on the surface world, in a lab somewhere in the U.S, scientists are experimenting with a genetically modified colony of Shinomura, which would be the main antagonist(s) of the first half. These scientists work closely with the federal government. They believe that it would be more effective to genetically engineer a kaiju superbug that can quickly evolve, spread and annihilate the Hollow Earth ecosystem at much lower costs than constructing mechs which take much longer to do and a lot more money. The cells are dormant and can only be activated by exposure to radiation, which is why Godzilla does not detect them or see them as a threat. The cells are transported by a ship to North Carolina where another portal to the Hollow Earth has been opened. The military plans to release them into the Hollow Earth and then quickly seal it, but it is backfired by a group of mercenaries who attack the ship and want to take the cells for themselves. Unfortunately, the cells are released, and they are not far from a nuclear power plant which also happens to be using the pink super charged radiation gathered from the Hollow Earth, so the cells multiply and grow, turning into a swarm. The cells combine into arthropod like monsters that are too small to be Titans but large enough to attack humans. They begin attacking nuclear plants and surrounding cities while others retreat into the Hollow Earth, which catches Godzilla's attention. Mothra gains wind of it too and emerges onto the surface world to aid Godzilla. By the time Godzilla gets to North Carolina, the swarm has absorbed enough energy to combine into a singular, massive, supercharged form that rivals Godzilla in size. They begin to fight, while the military decides to resort to Plan B and send the Super X against Godzilla. The first battle is fairly even until the Super X begins to attack both Shinomura and Godzilla, blasting chunks of Shinomura away. It becomes a three-way battle until Shinomura escapes and retreats into the ocean while Godzilla is distracted fighting the Super X. Mothra eventually arrives and Godzilla and Mothra destroy the Super X. Then Godzilla pursues the main Shinomura heading for Japan while a few other smaller colonies move to other locations.
Back in the Hollow Earth, the Shinomuras that escaped there quickly grow and begin running amok on the planet. Kong is travelling with Shimo and Suko. They are gathering more food and water to bring back to the tribe, but their trip is quickly interrupted by a squadron of Shinomuras that have combined into their arthropod like forms but now rival Kong in size. Kong leaves Suko with Shimo and takes them on himself. He has no problem ripping the Shinomuras apart with his axe and bare hands. He overpowers them individually, but as the Shinomuras recombine and reshape themselves, they begin to overwhelm him. He notices Shimo and Suko are prompted to do something about it, even though he doesn't want them to, but eventually relents and retreats into a nearby body of water to shake them off of him. Kong quickly jumps out of the water and Shimo freezes and traps the Shinomuras in the water. The trio realize that even more Shinomuras are on the way and transforming into something deadlier. The three immediately turn back and run straight for the lair. As they are running, Kong gets flashbacks of being pursued by Skar King's goons; the Shinomuras remind him of the destruction and chaos that was left behind in Skar King's advance. Kong calls out to the apes farming as he makes it back to the lair and motions them to get inside immediately. He closes up the entrance and warns everyone of the emergency. He has everyone gather all of the resources they have and take refuge in Shimo's former lair, which they now use as an emergency bunker. Boots signs Kong what are they going to do next, and Kong admits he doesn't know, but he intends to be the one to check when it is safe to leave again. Meanwhile, the Iwi are in a similar predicament and Phosphera swoops in to defend the barrier against the invading Shinomuras.
In response to all of this, Monarch sends militaristic HEAVs to neutralize the Shinomuras and has Trapper (or some other character) tasked to pilot Titan Hunter to pursue the main Shinomura on the surface and kill it. Kashiwazaki is evacuated before Shinomura arrives on the scene. Shinomura begins to attack the Kashiwazaki nuclear plant when Godzilla and Mothra arrive to fight it once again. As this is happening, the other colonies arrive to other regions of the world, gaining more strength and attacking other major cities. Godzilla notices this and is conflicted on how to deal with the threats as he is fighting, but Jet Jaguar arrives in Kashiwazaki to fight Shinomura. Godzilla charges up to attack Titan Hunter, thinking he is a threat to him just like the Super X, but Trapper notices this and bows to Godzilla before he can attack. Godzilla accepts this surrender, but quickly shifts his attention back to the Shinomura. Eventually, Titan Hunter, Godzilla, and Mothra defeat the Shinomura, but soon after, several Shinomura supercolonies that supercharged themselves on Hollow Earth energy have reemerged on the surface world to the point where there is at least one attacking each continent of the world. The largest and most powerful colony is in the Yucca Mountain Nuclear West Repository in Nevada. Godzilla is forced to send his alpha call and awaken all of the surface Titans to attack the Shinomuras, so battles begin breaking out across the world. But Godzilla realizes it is not enough and ventures into the Hollow Earth to get more help. Mothra and the Titan Hunter stay behind to hold the line while Godzilla is away and Mothra moves on to Nevada to tackle the Shinomura there, and the Titan Hunter follows her.
Most of the Titans appear to be holding their ground for the most part, but not outright winning either. However, they start to have more problems as some Titans take advantage of the chaos to pursue ulterior motives. Amhuluk wants to fight to claim his desired territory in the Amazon again and travels to the Amazon to fight Behemoth over it and causing a three-way fight between them and the Shinomura colony attacking the region. Meanwhile, in the Hollow Earth, Camazotz reemerges and sends his minions out to devour everything in their path, including the smaller Shinomuras. So Amhuluk and Camazotz become the main antagonists during the second half. Some of the hell swarm attacks the ape lair, and Kong leaves to confront them before they break through. He is able to kill a large number of them, but there are too many for him to handle, forcing him to retreat back into the lair. Several escape into the lair, which Kong is able to kill. When he reunites with his people, he gets more flashbacks of his memories of both Camazotz and Skar King. The attack of the hell swarm reminds him of the invasion Skar King launched against the Hollow Earth and surface world a few years back.
Godzilla travels through oceanic Hollow Earth portals and passes through various ruins of extinct Hollow Earth civilizations along the way. He detects Amhuluk's movements and realizes what he is doing. Godzilla gets really mad, but reluctantly continues on his current path as going back to confront Amhuluk would take up too much time and energy. He makes it into the Hollow Earth and heads over to the ape lair and finishes off the rest of the hell swarm that was still attacking the lair. Afterwards, he charges up his breath and blasts the entrance open again, startling all of the apes. Kong grabs his axe and gets in a defensive position, but after hearing a roar realizes it is Godzilla. He calmly walks into the ape lair, but the other great apes become angry and leave the bunker to mob, surround and harass Godzilla. Godzilla does his best not to escalate tensions, but snaps his jaws, hisses, and sometimes pushes the apes away. Kong roars at the apes and directs them to move away from him. The apes follow his orders and Kong approaches Godzilla. He realizes that he has called on him for help against the Shinomuras. Kong decides to go with Godzilla but does not want to bring Shimo or any of the apes with him. The apes beg for him not to go, and even Shimo seems to cry out for Kong to stay, but he rejects allowing any of his people to put themselves in danger, and he puts Boots in charge while he is away. He says one final goodbye to Suko and leaves with Godzilla.
They have to fight off many smaller Shinomuras while travelling to the surface world while heading for Nevada. Meanwhile, Mothra and the Titan Hunter are already there fighting with the super Shinomura colony. The fight is rather even, but Trapper feels like the fight is going to quicky turn against their favor if they do not get backup soon. Some drones and fighter jets arrive to strike the Shinomura. Eventually, Godzilla and Kong arrive to fight the Shinomura, but Kong notices the Titan Hunter, and has a vision of Skar King, seeing both the Titan Hunter and Skar King as the embodiment of cruelty, destruction, and conquest. Kong attacks the Titan Hunter out of anger, forcing Godzilla to be the one to shove Kong away and break it up. Kong takes a closer look at the Titan Hunter and realizes that it is not the same pilot as the one that hunted Hollow Earth fauna. The Titan Hunter bows to Kong to show he is on the same side and they resume fighting the Shinomura. So, a large portion of the movie would be showing scenes of the Titans fighting the Shinomuras at random intervals, giving a glimpse of what is going on in all of the areas where fights are happening.
Shifting back to Godzilla and Kong's fight, things begin to look grim as more Shinomuras arrive from the Hollow Earth and combine with the supercolony, and Godzilla, Kong, Mothra, and the Titan Hunter begin to struggle against it. Godzilla is still capable of holding some of his ground, while Kong and Mothra are forced to step back as close-range combat is no longer viable. The Titan Hunter gets beaten up really bad and seems to be done for until an ice blast hits the Shinomura. It is Boots, who is riding Shimo, and has gathered the strongest and physically capable apes to help their leader (A fairly large number of fit apes were left behind to care for the elderly and the children). Kong does not know whether to feel happy that his people have his back or mad that they disobeyed his orders but regroups with them regardless and regain their edge against the Shinomura. Then we see more scenes of the other fights going on around the world before Kong's army, Shimo, Godzilla, Mothra, and the Titan Hunter defeat the super Shinomura. While the organic Titans return to the Hollow Earth to finish off the Shinomuras still running around in there, the Titan Hunter lags behind from all of the damage it has sustained, but the pilot persists with helping the Titans.
Back in the Hollow Earth, Godzilla, Mothra, Kong's army, and Shimo run through the Hollow Earth, assisting the local fauna in fighting off the Shinomuras. The Titan Hunter tries its best to follow them and fight off the Shinomuras, but they eventually overwhelm them, forcing the pilot to eject himself. Luckily, a HEAV is nearby and is able to rescue him. Then, a good chunk of the plot would then focus on shifting back between the Hollow Earth fight and the rest of the fights happening on the surface. Kong directs a portion of his army to join Phosphera in defending the Iwi city, which is now under attack by both Shinomuras and Camazotz's minions. Phosphera is close to dying (and eventually does), but the apes are able to kill most of the enemies while the rest retreat. Godzilla and Kong split up, with Kong pursuing Camazotz and Godzilla returning to the surface to confront Amhuluk. Kong leaves Boots in charge of his army and takes a few other trusted friends of his to confront Camazotz, but Shimo follows them, wanting to accompany them. Kong gets more flashbacks of Skar King when he used Shimo to try to execute him, and Kong was unwilling to let Shimo go with them since he did not want to use her for fighting his enemies. Shimo persists and eventually Kong reluctantly lets her join them.
Back on the surface world, Behemoth is not faring well against Amhuluk. The Shinomura colonies in the eastern hemisphere begin to lose the fight and as some of them are killed, the victor Titans travel to regions of the world where they still persist. In South America, however, the Shinomura colonies are still giving the defending Titans a hard time. Behemoth and Amhuluk killed the Shinomura colony, but to Behemoth's dismay, Amhuluk absorbs the remains of the Shinomura colony. It is close to killing Behemoth until Rodan shows up to fight Amhuluk. Rodan quickly gets the upper hand over Amhuluk with his airborne abilities and greater agility. But Amhuluk is not affected that much by Rodan's fiery attacks, as he reinforced his body with fire resistant plants like redwoods. The tables turn on Rodan until Godzilla emerges to fight Amhuluk. So Rodan and Godzilla tag team Amhuluk while Behemoth tries to get the strength to get back up.
Meanwhile, back in the Hollow Earth, Kong, his few trustees, and Shimo are looking for Camazotz and travel through a dark, stormy stretch of rough, mountainous terrain. They find Camazotz in a plateau surrounded by a supercell. They see that Camazotz's minions are feeding him, and he is gaining strength from the radiation that his minions got from hunting Shinomuras. So, Kong, his trustees, and Shimo fight the hell swarm and Camazotz. At this point, the Shinomuras are losing out on the fight with a few large colonies remaining, and Amhuluk and Camazotz become the main threats now. The plot then moves on to showcase some of the final remaining fights between defending Titans and the last Shinomura colonies and see the fights end with the Shinomuras killed. So, the main focus turns to Godzilla's fight, Kong's fight, the fight at the Iwi city barrier, and Boots' crusade to kill the last Shinomuras, which is coming to an end. The fight between Kong and his allies and Camazotz eventually breaks through onto the surface in Canada. Camazotz creates a supercell storm and begins getting an upper hand against Kong and his allies with his new power up. Back in Brazil, Godzilla eventually kills Amhuluk and Rodan and Godzilla both head to Canada. Behemoth gets the strength to get back up.
Back in Canada, Kong and the apes come up with a new strategy to cover their ears with dirt as protection against Camazotz's sonic screams. Kong then tries to do the same with Shimo, but when he does, Shimo does not like the sensation and pushes Kong away. He does not bother trying again and tries to kill all of the minions which are biting him and the apes and causing too much blood loss. Shimo does not fare well against Camazotz despite her size as his cyclone and sonic scream overwhelm her ice breath. Eventually, Mothra emerges to fight him after dealing with the last of the Shinomuras and blasts him with her god rays. Highly stunned and weakened, Kong grabs ahold of Camazotz and notices Rodan approaching to help. He throws him at Rodan's direction, who grabs him with his talons and starts burning him. He holds him in place for Mothra to shoot Camazotz with her webbing. Then Rodan drops Camazotz and Kong finishes him off.
Godzilla arrives onto the scene not long after and shoots his atomic breath to eliminate Camazotz's storm. With all of the hostile Titans dead, Godzilla almost sends the Titans back to sleep, but Mothra approaches him and begins to communicate. The plot then ends with Godzilla returning to Madagascar to take a rest at the coast and watch life as it happens on the island. Kong returns to his people in victory, and they are finally able to leave their lair safely. And Mothra takes over Godzilla's role of balancer, allowing Godzilla to take his well-deserved vacation. This idea of a plotline would mean the movie would be 2 hr 30 min or even 3 hrs so we get the most fighting sequences out of it. I know I glossed over a lot of the human aspects and that I left a lot of the specifics of how a lot of the fights between most of the unseen KOTM Titans would look like, so let me know what your thoughts on this are.

NSFW Warning
I truly don't know what to do anymore, I'm completely lost.
I'm a 20 year old male with autism and possible OCD.
There are many things I want to talk about so this is going to be really long and unorganised.
From age 18 up until last year, I viewed and masturbated to CSAM, and the way I went about getting hold of it is equally bad, if not worse. I cannot express in words the shame and remorse I feel for this.
I know most of you hate me now and I don't blame you, and I guarantee you I hate myself more for it.
The most confusing part about it is I don't find children attractive, there's no groinal response, urges, desires, arousal, nothing. I don't even take a second glance or stare, the only thing I have is intrusive thoughts. Recently I was sat in the corner of a crowded bus, and since there was nowhere else to sit, three boys, none of which could have been older than 13 sat by me, one next to me, and the other two across from me, to which I felt nothing of that nature whatsoever.
My instincts when I've been around children in recent times is purely parental and protective.
I'd never hurt a child, especially in that way, I'd slit my wrists or set myself on fire before I did that, I might just slit my wrists anyway.
I'd run into a burning building, I'd run out onto a busy road, I'd give my life to save a child's life.
I don't go out of my way to be around children, I find them for the most part irritating, I don't hate them though. Throughout my entire life I preferred the company of adults. I even live across from a playground ffs.
I'm scarred for life by some of the things I saw in those images and videos, how the hell could someone do something like that?! I want to climb through the screen and protect those kids, give them a hug and let them know nothing can hurt them anymore.
I stumbled across an image hosting site when I was 16 whilst trying to find material involving my peers again, and the site hosted lots of cropped images of teens on webcams and older kids on webcams (it was obvious what they were doing), and on the page for the accounts, it usually displayed an email where stuff could be traded, but I didn't pursue that until 2 years later.
I went about acquiring it through sending old images and videos of myself, and in a lot worse way as well.
Starting from 14 up until last year, I very occasionally placed my phone in the bathroom and filmed my friends urinating, this happened definitely less than ten times, and most of them I deleted from everywhere, but I kept one and a screenshot of a few others, I started posting these images, as well as my own nudes, on an old reddit account which was deleted not long after, I made sure to hide their identities while doing this, I enjoyed the attention and compliments I would get, and I loved bigging up my friends and seeing them get compliments.
Then I used this content to acquire the bad stuff years later, including the stuff of me.
I had an Idea that this was considered wrong but I didn't understand how it could have been harmful.
This happened to less than 5 friends, all the content I had I have long since deleted and wiped any access to, and I have no intention to do this again, but the main issue is the fact that copies could have been made of it, and I accidentally sent the uncropped video once. There's the possibility none of this stuff is out there, but it's still vile and repulsive.
One of them was my closest friend, who I had known basically all my life, I broke down to him and told him what I had done and what I believe does me to this awful, reprehensible place, and you know what he did? He told me he forgave me and that some video possibly being out there doesn't phase him and his life isn't ruined at all and it will go on either way.
But he understandably said we can't see each other anymore, that he still loves me, believes I'm a good person and wants me to live a good life and make the world a better place, which was a dream of ours.
It's extra difficult because we were so close, we had experienced so much together, held all the same interests and beliefs, and I loved him only like family could, so the fact I committed this vile act of betrayal rids me with so much shame, and deservedly so. In a way I find it harder to get through because I didn't understand the true consequences of my actions and how this could have affected him and others, it would be less confusing and easier to accept I'm just the lowest form of humanity that way.
I displayed other problematic behaviours from a young age, all to do with boundary issues, I sometimes used to touch my friends when I was 12 but never their actual genitals, and I used to jokingly show my erection to people as well.
The only constant that I knew for certain is wrong is genuine rape and molestation, which is a line I know for certain I could never cross, and never will.
From a very young age (around 3 or 4) my mother would do very inappropriate party tricks around me with her friends late at night when they were drinking, her friends would call me sexy, and as I got older and hit puberty, she started making comments about my bulge and other things despite the fact I hated it and told her so.
When I was 7 I was groomed and molested by an 8 year old boy, I wanted him to help me pass a level on my DS game and he said he'll do it if I have sex with him, me being 7 I didn't understand what that was and with him being older I complied. We were naked during this, he fondled my genitals and got me to do the same to him, he inserted his fingers into my anus as well.
When I was 10, two of my close friends groomed me, they simulated blowjobs on each other and got me to do the same to them.
When I was 11, my 12 year old friend groomed and molested me despite me protesting, he got me to get in my bed with him and he rubbed up against me. Earlier that day he also got me to sit in his lap whilst cuddling me from behind, we were wearing underwear.
When I was 13, that same friend when he was nearly 14 and another friend who was already 14 groomed and molested me in my pool again, I had an erection in the pool and jokingly showed one of them it, and it escalated from there. They both got naked and got me to do so, I protested but eventually gave in to the pressure, they also showed each other their genitals and got me to do the same, later that boy got me to sit in his lap again whilst the older boy rubbed up against me.
There was also just the normal experimenting stuff, one of my friends used to show me his erections and I would do the same.
All of my friends were going through puberty and their bodies were changing and so was mine, which I found incredibly fascinating and arousing, and I had seen most of my friends genitals and some other students genitals throughout growing up, so me being young and autistic, I became very curious.
Kids before finishing Elementary/Primary School were swearing and talking about sex, then as I got older (11) kids were drinking, smoking, doing drugs, talking about masturbation habits and apparently having genuine sex. Then by the time I was 13, there was a lot of students taking nudes, nudes being spread around school and nudes being leaked (including mine, which distressed me for a few days, but only because people knew they were mine, if they were spread around but they didn't know it was me, I wouldn't have cared), kids with condoms and other stuff etc.
I started watching non-pornographic sexual content online (sex scenes from movies, TV shows, games etc) at age 9 which I would genuinely get an erection from watching.
At age 10 I hit puberty (testicles largened) and I started masturbating to non pornographic stuff. Including videos of animals mating. I also tried to find stuff involving my peers and found a fake video of stuff suggestive of that.
At 11 I started to grow pubic hair and had my first ejaculations, as well as discover porn, and I had my first crush which was on a 12 year old boy who was another friend, who I would masturbate to. This crush lasted a number of years, but he was straight so it couldn't go anywhere. This was also the age I started taking nudes and videos of me masturbating.
At 12 I started to grow underarm har and facial hair began to appear on my upper lip, I was watching porn very heavily at this point.
At 13 my voice had broken and I was nearly my full adult height, this was also the age I first masturbated to a non-sexual nude image of a child. As well as videos of stuff like naturism and videos of circumcision (I don't have a pain or gore fetish, I would just blank it out and focus on the genitals.)
By 14 I was my full adult height, I had adult sized ejacualtions and my penis had fully grown. And that is when I started posting my nudes online. To which I would have sexual conversations with adults, not knowing I was setting myself up to be groomed and have something normalised in my head which shouldn't be.
By 15 I was growing facial hair, as well as chest and abdominal hair. And I found a shotacon involving a boy my age having sex with an adult woman, and I would pretend to be him.
At 17, a 19 year old flirted with me and got me into sending nudes to him, and he did the same, which I didn't see as bad and despite it being technically illegal, I still don't.
I also did the same when I was 19 with a 17 year old stranger online, but they were very willing and I didn't pressure them, no personal info was shared between us.
I also messaged a 15 and 14 year old at some point but stopped myself from letting it go any further. And cut them off before anything could be shared.
And when I started watching the CSAM, it was mostly teens 9n webcams that I watched, I was lured into thinking that this content isn't kids being assaulted or anything (which it is) and due to my experiences twisting my view, I thought kids were enjoying it (which they weren't) since I would have had enjoyed it at that age (which I wouldn't have) it wasn't until I saw unmistakable suffering which is when I stopped and vowed to never go there again. It was mostly stuff involving boys, the stuff involving girls I just found too revolting. I wanted to relive those experiences, go back to a time I was happier. It felt safe and comforting.
All of these experiencs warped my views and understanding of things, desensitised me and made me believe things were ok that weren't and that kids aren't as innocent as they are seen to be (which they are). I have never commited rape or an act of molestation and never will, these are acts I've always seen as vile and disgusting.
I've suffered with mental health issues for a long time as well.
I've struggled with feelings of self-hatred and worthlessness since around 9 or 10.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 13, I've been self harming and suicidal since 15, I've also been attempting suicide since 15.
I've always felt like the odd one out, I always felt like I was the worst at everything, I was the one who was left out of games at school, the one who was always picked last in sports.
I was bullied a lot growing up, by students and occasionally teachers alike.
My mother is narcissistic and has been emotionally and occasionally physically abusive to me since I was 14 (telling me she hates me and that everyone else hates me, tells me how horrible I am, tells me that I should kill myself and do everyone a favour, threatened to stab me in my sleep, hit me on the occasion, bit me, threw things at me, including heavy things and glass, strangled me).
I truly don't know what to do anymore, I'm completely lost.
I'm a 20 year old male with autism and possible OCD.
There are many things I want to talk about so this is going to be really long and unorganised.
From age 18 up until last year, I viewed and masturbated to CSAM, and the way I went about getting hold of it is equally bad, if not worse. I cannot express in words the shame and remorse I feel for this.
I know most of you hate me now and I don't blame you, and I guarantee you I hate myself more for it.
The most confusing part about it is I don't find children attractive, there's no groinal response, urges, desires, arousal, nothing. I don't even take a second glance or stare, the only thing I have is intrusive thoughts. Recently I was sat in the corner of a crowded bus, and since there was nowhere else to sit, three boys, none of which could have been older than 13 sat by me, one next to me, and the other two across from me, to which I felt nothing of that nature whatsoever.
I'm sexually attracted to males 20 and over, and I'm romantically and sexually attracted to females 20 and over, I wouldn't even date an 18 or 19 year old.
My instincts when I've been around children in recent times is purely parental and protective.
I'd never hurt a child, especially in that way, I'd slit my wrists or set myself on fire before I did that, I might just slit my wrists anyway.
I'd run into a burning building, I'd run out onto a busy road, I'd give my life to save a child's life.
I don't go out of my way to be around children, I find them for the most part irritating, I don't hate them though. Throughout my entire life I preferred the company of adults. I even live across from a playground ffs.
I'm scarred for life by some of the things I saw in those images and videos, how the hell could someone do something like that?! I want to climb through the screen and protect those kids, give them a hug and let them know nothing can hurt them anymore.
I stumbled across an image hosting site when I was 16 whilst trying to find material involving my peers again, and the site hosted lots of cropped images of teens on webcams and older kids on webcams (it was obvious what they were doing), and on the page for the accounts, it usually displayed an email where stuff could be traded, but I didn't pursue that until 2 years later.
I went about acquiring it through sending old images and videos of myself, and in a lot worse way as well.
Starting from 14 up until last year, I very occasionally placed my phone in the bathroom and filmed my friends urinating, this happened definitely less than ten times, and most of them I deleted from everywhere, but I kept one and a screenshot of a few others, I started posting these images, as well as my own nudes, on an old reddit account which was deleted not long after, I made sure to hide their identities while doing this, I enjoyed the attention and compliments I would get, and I loved bigging up my friends and seeing them get compliments.
Then I used this content to acquire the bad stuff years later, including the stuff of me.
I had an Idea that this was considered wrong but I didn't understand how it could have been harmful.
This happened to less than 5 friends, all the content I had I have long since deleted and wiped any access to, and I have no intention to do this again, but the main issue is the fact that copies could have been made of it, and I accidentally sent the uncropped video once. There's the possibility none of this stuff is out there, but it's still vile and repulsive.
One of them was my closest friend, who I had known basically all my life, I broke down to him and told him what I had done and what I believe does me to this awful, reprehensible place, and you know what he did? He told me he forgave me and that some video possibly being out there doesn't phase him and his life isn't ruined at all and it will go on either way.
But he understandably said we can't see each other anymore, that he still loves me, believes I'm a good person and wants me to live a good life and make the world a better place, which was a dream of ours.
It's extra difficult because we were so close, we had experienced so much together, held all the same interests and beliefs, and I loved him only like family could, so the fact I committed this vile act of betrayal rids me with so much shame, and deservedly so. In a way I find it harder to get through because I didn't understand the true consequences of my actions and how this could have affected him and others, it would be less confusing and easier to accept I'm just the lowest form of humanity that way.
The other two friends I stopped communicating with, I wiped the account wiped the content from all areas they were stored on, deleted what they were stored, everything, and there is a possibility it's not out their at all.
I displayed other problematic behaviours from a young age, all to do with boundary issues, I sometimes used to touch my friends when I was 12 but never their actual genitals, and I used to jokingly show my erection to people as well.
The only constant that I knew for certain is wrong is genuine rape and molestation, which is a line I know for certain I could never cross, and never will.
From a very young age (around 3 or 4) my mother would do very inappropriate party tricks around me with her friends late at night when they were drinking, her friends would call me sexy, and as I got older and hit puberty, she started making comments about my bulge and other things despite the fact I hated it and told her so.
When I was 7 I was groomed and molested by an 8 year old boy, I wanted him to help me pass a level on my DS game and he said he'll do it if I have sex with him, me being 7 I didn't understand what that was and with him being older I complied. We were naked during this, he fondled my genitals and got me to do the same to him, he inserted his fingers into my anus as well.
When I was 10, two of my close friends groomed me, they simulated blowjobs on each other and got me to do the same to them.
When I was 11, my 12 year old friend groomed and molested me despite me protesting, he got me to get in my bed with him and he rubbed up against me. Earlier that day he also got me to sit in his lap whilst cuddling me from behind, we were wearing underwear.
When I was 13, that same friend when he was nearly 14 and another friend who was already 14 groomed and molested me in my pool again, I had an erection in the pool and jokingly showed one of them it, and it escalated from there. They both got naked and got me to do so, I protested but eventually gave in to the pressure, they also showed each other their genitals and got me to do the same, later that boy got me to sit in his lap again whilst the older boy rubbed up against me.
There was also just the normal experimenting stuff, one of my friends used to show me his erections and I would do the same.
All of my friends were going through puberty and their bodies were changing and so was mine, which I found incredibly fascinating and arousing, and I had seen most of my friends genitals and some other students genitals throughout growing up, so me being young and autistic, I became very curious.
Kids before finishing Elementary/Primary School were swearing and talking about sex, then as I got older (11) kids were drinking, smoking, doing drugs, talking about masturbation habits and apparently having genuine sex. Then by the time I was 13, there was a lot of students taking nudes, nudes being spread around school and nudes being leaked (including mine, which distressed me for a few days, but only because people knew they were mine, if they were spread around but they didn't know it was me, I wouldn't have cared), kids with condoms and other stuff etc.
I started watching non-pornographic sexual content online (sex scenes from movies, TV shows, games etc) at age 9 which I would genuinely get an erection from watching.
At age 10 I hit puberty (testicles largened) and I started masturbating to non pornographic stuff. Including videos of animals mating. I also tried to find stuff involving my peers and found a fake video of stuff suggestive of that.
At 11 I started to grow pubic hair and had my first ejaculations, as well as discover porn, there was also an image I masturbated to which depicted a boy of my age giving oral to a man, and I had my first crush which was on a 12 year old boy who was another friend, who I would masturbate to. This crush lasted a number of years, but he was straight so it couldn't go anywhere. This was also the age I started taking nudes and videos of me masturbating.
At 12 I started to grow underarm har and facial hair began to appear on my upper lip, I was watching porn very heavily at this point.
At 13 my voice had broken and I was nearly my full adult height, this was also the age I first masturbated to a non-sexual nude image of a child. As well as videos of stuff like naturism and videos of circumcision (I don't have a pain or gore fetish, I would just blank it out and focus on the genitals.)
By 14 I was my full adult height, I had adult sized ejacualtions and my penis had fully grown. And that is when I started posting my nudes online. To which I would have sexual conversations with adults, not knowing I was setting myself up to be groomed and have something normalised in my head which shouldn't be.
By 15 I was growing facial hair, as well as chest and abdominal hair. And I found a shotacon involving a boy my age having sex with an adult woman, and I would pretend to be him.
At 17, a 19 year old flirted with me and got me into sending nudes to him, and he did the same, which I didn't see as bad and despite it being technically illegal, I still don't.
I also did the same when I was 19 with a 17 year old stranger online, but they were very willing and I didn't pressure them, no personal info was shared between us.
I also messaged a 15 and 14 year old at some point but stopped myself from letting it go any further. And cut them off before anything could be shared, or any messages could be exchanged for that matter.
And when I started watching the CSAM, it was mostly teens 9n webcams that I watched, I was lured into thinking that this content isn't kids being assaulted or anything (which it is) and due to my experiences twisting my view, I thought kids were enjoying it (which they weren't) since I would have had enjoyed it at that age (which I wouldn't have), it wasn't until I saw unmistakable suffering which is when I stopped and vowed to never go there again. It was mostly stuff involving boys, the stuff involving girls I just found too revolting. I wanted to relive those experiences, go back to a time I was happier. It felt safe and comforting. It was relatable.
All of these experiencs warped my views and understanding of things, desensitised me and made me believe things were ok that weren't and that kids aren't as innocent as they are seen to be (which they are). I have never commited rape or an act of molestation and never will, these are acts I've always seen as vile and disgusting.
I've suffered with mental health issues for a long time as well.
I've struggled with feelings of self-hatred and worthlessness since around 9 or 10.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 13, I've been self harming and suicidal since 15, I've also been attempting suicide since 15.
I've always felt like the odd one out, I always felt like I was the worst at everything, I was the one who was left out of games at school, the one who was always picked last in sports.
I was bullied a lot growing up, by students and occasionally teachers alike, and even my boss at my first job.
My mother is a heavy drinker, narcissistic and has been emotionally and occasionally physically abusive to me since I was 14 (telling me she hates me and that everyone else hates me, tells me how horrible I am, tells me that I should kill myself and do everyone a favour, threatened to stab me in my sleep, hit me on the occasion, bit me, threw things at me, including heavy things and glass, strangled me). There was also manipulation tactics like gaslighting, she alienated me from others by telling her friends and family how awful I was. Pushed me into meltdowns and got me to lash out, to which she called the police and got me arrested and made me look like the bad one on multiple occasions.
My father was a drug addict who died when I was 14, I saw him less than ten times my whole life, he grew drugs in my room when I was an infant, my most distinct memory is him coming to my house very late one night when I was around 9 or 10 talking about demons and bad spirits.
Addiction runs in my family (my father's father is an equally heavy drinker, his mother is a drug addict who ran a brothel), so the addictive tendencies have been past down to me.
I probably was addicted to porn by 13, and had been feeding it for years without knowing it.
My adopted grandfather died when I was 4, and my adopted grandmother (which I lived with from birth) who was my guiding light, died less than a week before my dad did.
The only father figure I really had (who was an alcoholic but otherwise very good with me) was my mother's partner who she met when I was 6, and he died when I was 8.
I was also very close to my mother's best friend, who had been more of a mother to me than my actual one had been some time died when I was 17.
My mother had an abusive ex who stalked her and threatened to set fire to the house, who also left ranting letters and stood in the back garden at night, so we lived in fear of stuff like that for over a year from when I was 12 through 13.
She also had an abusive lodger who was an even heavier drinker than she is, so from when I was 14 through 16 I witnessed them physically fight, both get arrested and on a few occasions I had to defend her from him.
Many of my friends have betrayed me over the years (I know I'm one to talk) but when this started to happen I would have never dreamed of betraying anyone, personal stuff was shared about me which I trusted them with, there was a lot of bad talking about me without me knowing. My toe closest friend turned on me at age 12 and isolated me from my other friends, I blamed myself at the time which I why I moved schools at 13 since I thought I was just making everyone miserable.
I didn't get diagnosed with autism until I was q9 despite trying to get it since I was 12, it hurt knowing I had been paying my whole life for being different, feeling ashamed of who I am (and rightly so now really), wondering why what I said was offensive, why I didn't understandfulky why this was wrong, why I was so sensitive to jokes, why I took e everyhing literally, why I made impulsive and reckless decisions without understanding the consequences of them.
I was never considered attractive and was ridiculed for it (girls used to jokingly flirt with me to torment me at school). I'm 5'6, always have struggled with weight, hairline started receding at 16, eczema so my skin is always red, dry and flaky, really bad diastema and acid reflux which means it's really hard to make my breath smell nice and my teeth are very worn because of it. I have had sex with someone who was older than me and we were both consenting adults, and we were both very respectful of boundaries.
I was also desensitised to other things slide gore and violence, I played a lot of violent video games when I was a kid, my mother is really into controversial shock movies (she got me to watch Cannibal Holocaust with her when I was 11).
The worst part about all of this is the fact all my friends who I love would hate me if they knew about what I've done so, none of them would trust me anymore or respect me, which is what friendships are all about right? So in a way they feel strange, they feel fake.
I could never find a relationship or true love because nobody wants to date a serial sex offender.
I hate knowing the fact I'm a sex offender, it's eating me alive.
I'm not registered and there is no real proof of what I did, so I can't turn myself in or anything.
I want to do good in the world, I have so much love to give, but it feels wrong me helping people because it feels like there is a sinister undertone to everything I do.
I've always enjoyed being charitable, I love giving money to the homeless or putting change in a donations box.
I feel guilty whenever I feel hapoy since I don't deserve to be, the only things that I enjoy now are food and playing video games, it's the only job I get out of day to day life.
The only fate I deserve is being stabbed to death in prison or something.
All I want is to be loved and accepted despite my flaws and mistakes, but I never could be.
The only other person I've told is my mother, who has been supportive.
I've been on antidepressants since 18 and I'm trying to get therapy, but I'm not hoping or expecting anything good will happen from this. I've been in and out of therapy since I was 11.
I had dreams, I had aspirations, I wanted to change the world for the better, I wanted to have a son, not to hurt him, but so he doesn't end up like me, but I reliase that is not possible. I don't deserve to be around children.
I hate keeping secrets, but I have no choice but to keep this one.
I want to identify with good people, but I can't.
Every good thing I do is invalidated now.
I forgive everyone who has wronged me in anyway, since I'm worse than them.
I just pray I can go out doing good, doing the right thing.
I am no better than Jimmy Saville, Ian Watkins or any of them types of people.
If you want to motivate me to end it all, feel free.
If you have read through all of this, thank you.

What am I doing? Dominick Mason asked himself for the hundredth time that night. It was late on a rainy Sunday evening and Dom, a tall, lanky man-boy of twenty-five with a prominent Adam’s apple and too big eyes, stared out the rain-slicked window of the 905. The big bus swayed and jostled as it lumbered down Central Avenue, the movements strangely comforting, conducive to reflection…and self-doubt.
As if on cue, his phone buzzed, and a pit opened up in his stomach. He fumbled it out with long fingers and read the text. Are u almost here
His thumb hovered over the screen, but he did not reply. Part of him wanted to block the number, slink back home with his tail between his legs, and forget the whole thing. He could boot up his PS4 and play Red Dead Redemption or GTA V like always. Safe. Familiar. The thought, however, stirred a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach.
It was dread.
Every night, he did the same thing. He came home from work to his tiny prison cell apartment. He had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He played video games until it was time to go to bed. The worst part of the whole night was when he turned off the TV and saw his murky reflection in the screen. Plaid. Scrawny. Disgusting. He hated being locked in that apartment, with its old smells and white walls, but he hated going out even more. At least in his hole, he was safe, like a mouse. No one hurt or lied to him there. No one gave him funny looks. No one rejected him. He was completely safe in his solitude, a wounded animal hiding in its den and licking its wounds.
He was wounded and he knew it.
And he hated himself for it. Hated that he wasn’t stronger or better. Hated that even though he tried so hard, everything he did fell apart…if it even came together in the first place, which it rarely did.
The phone buzzed again.
Just a question mark this time.
His heart began to race and a steely fist slowly closed around his lungs. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and took a deep breath. He pictured himself alone in his little apartment. He loved the image, but he hated it too. Most nights, he didn’t mind being alone. He had to not mind it, because he didn’t have a choice. Some nights…some nights he didn’t want to be alone. Some nights he wanted warmth, he wanted tenderness…some nights, he wanted to be human.
Every so often, Dom would get the urge to find those things. They came less frequently than they did before, but unfortunately, they still came. He would create an account on Plenty of Fish and OKCupid, maybe some of the other sites as well. He would agonize over his stupid intro and his stupid list of hobbies. He would spend hours - literally hours - writing and rewriting them, trying at first to be serious, then light and funny, then cool, then aloof, then vulnerable. He would take the best possible pictures from the best possible angles, then upload them, never lingering over them because he hated the way he looked. He didn’t think he was ugly - mid was more like it - but apparently, he was ugly. Too ugly for love, too ugly even to talk to.
The ugly barnacle. So ugly that everyone died. The end.
All of Dom’s pictures were all selfies, of course. Guys he listened to on YouTube said he needed action shots, shots with friends, shots that showed women he had a life, was valued by those around him, and knew how to have fun. Too bad for him, he had no friends and no one valued him, not even his own mother. On the surface, maybe, but she had hurt him so many times over the years in so many ways that even the most devout son would stop and think.
It had to be selfies.
When his profile was in order - or as much in order as he could get it - he would start to browse. Dom knew his place and never messaged women who were too beautiful. He used to, but they never responded. He eventually began to skip their profiles with a pang of loss and a quiet what if? Now, he barely noticed them. Blonde. Petite. Blue eyes. Maybe she was a cheerleader at one time, maybe she was the type of girl who looked down her nose at guys like him. Maybe she was a sweetheart. In any case, he would never find out, so who cares?
He went for women he could realistically obtain…the type of women he’d dated and hooked up with in the past. Some were attractive in their own way, others were hard to look at, he wasn’t picky; he couldn’t afford to be picky. One woman he saw was a good three hundred pounds. She was nice and he liked her enough, but he lapsed into depression while they were dating and he never messaged her back…not that she made a huge effort to message him. Another was a pre-K teacher in her mid-thirties. Overweight with a big nose, glasses, and a plain face when she wasn’t wearing make-up. He liked her a lot and wanted to be with her, but after a month of weekend hookups, she said she didn’t love him. She told him she wanted a family - three kids, to be exact - but “changed her mind.” No, she didn’t. She just didn’t want those things with him.
Now she was in her late thirties, single, and having regrets.
She still wouldn’t settle for him, though.
Another woman he’d seen recently (six months ago) was fifty, but not unattractive. They texted for weeks, hot and heavy. She outright told him that she wanted to have sex with him. Said all sorts of nasty and sexual things. Their first (and only date) was her coming to his apartment. Instead of tender kisses, loving caresses, and intense emotions, they shared an awkward two hours on his couch. When he tried to hold her hand and put his arm around her, she stiffened. Not much, just a little. She said she “wasn’t ready.” He sat there and watched the flowers he’d gotten her wilt as she talked about her ex for an hour and a half, his arms pointedly crossed. He even leaned as far away from her as humanly possible, trying to communicate with his body language what he didn’t have the guts to communicate with his words: I’m uncomfortable, please leave. He planned to take her to a nice restaurant after they made love. Instead, he ordered something after she finally got the hint and left, eating alone like always.
After her, he deleted his profile (again) and resolved to never bother with dating again. Obviously there was something wrong with him. He saw guys who were uglier and more awkward than him with girlfriends, some actually stunning, but there was something about him in particular, something that repelled women…and men too.
Everyone.
It repelled everyone.
Maybe it was his self-loathing. After all, no one likes a sad sack. But that’s the thing: He was like this because of those experiences. It was a what came first, the chicken or the egg situation. Looking back, he had almost normal confidence at one point. Then all of this happened. The hundreds of messages he sent on the dating apps staying on read, unanswered, like he never sent them at all, like he was garbage unworthy of even a hello. The awkward dates. The occasional “success” that eventually fell apart…sometimes because of him, and sometimes because of them. The one girl who ran away from him when he tried to walk her to her car after a date. They didn’t click, he knew that, but he didn’t say or do anything creepy. Why did she do that? The girls who lead him on, talking about sex and sometimes even love but always had a reason they couldn’t meet.
There were other examples - many others - but it was all the same. Who cared?
Dom wanted to crawl back into his hole and stay there, to stop poking his head out and getting hurt. He wanted it so bad…but he was only human. Deep down, buried beneath layer after layer of scar tissue, there was still hope. Hope for love, for companionship, for acceptance, for intimacy and human touch. It was only an ember now, but even an ember is enough to spark a fire.
Some nights, he wanted to be safe. Other nights, he wanted to take a risk.
And this night was one of the latter.
Be there soon, he texted. He swallowed hard and wetted his lips. His heart was pounding faster and his bowels were loose. He really hoped this worked out. He didn’t think he could handle another rejection. If she turned him down, he’d probably go home and kill himself. Why go on like this?
He’d had that thought before…but he never followed through.
Maybe one day he’d actually shut the fuck up and do it already.
Maybe.
Ok :)
Her name was Heather and she was fat. She was not unattractive in the face and she wore her weight well, not that that mattered - he would take what he could get. They started talking on OKCupid last week and very soon, the conversation became sexual. He didn’t start it, though, she did. She was ahem very excited, she said. He liked to think that she was lonely, desperate, and wanted intimacy - any intimacy - just like him.
That really turned him on.
They agreed to meet, and now here he was, on the bus to her apartment on the other side of the city, hoping against hope that she didn’t hurt him too.
He put the phone away and stared straight ahead. The bus was nearly deserted, save for an old bag lady up front and a few Mexican guys in the back. Lights lined the bus’s roof, providing a cold, impersonal light. Dom took a deep breath and forced his dark emotions away. It was all on him to make this work. He would accept her fat, ugly, poor, and crippled, but he had to work to earn her love. He could do it.
When the bus finally reached his stop, he yanked the cord and got off. There was a plexiglass shelter lit by a single, lonely bulb. Trash littered the ground. Beyond the shelter, a park lay in darkness. Behind him, on the other side of the road, a housing project not unlike his own towered into the sky, lit up like a ship at sail. Dom swallowed his nerves and crossed the street. He found the door that she had directed him to use, and climbed the stairs. He expected trash, graffiti, and winos passed out on every landing. Instead, the stairwell was clean and deserted. His nerves welled as he climbed but he forced them down again. On the ninth floor, he went down the hall, battered on all sides by the stale smells of cooking and the murmur of TVs and voices coming from every apartment.
Dom paused at Apartment 237.
Heather’s.
You got this, he told himself.
And really, he did. Their plan - well, Heather’s, really - was simple and straightforward. She told him that she would leave the door unlocked. He was to come in, go to the bedroom, and she would be waiting for him. She said it was a fantasy of hers.
On some level, he knew all along that the whole setup sounded fishy. Was he being set up to get robbed? Would he walk in and get jumped by a bunch of Crips? He hesitated, but his need for love - and, yes, release - pushed him on.
He opened the door.
Inside, the apartment was small and messy, a living room to the right and a tiny kitchen to the left. The only light on was the one above the stove.
Everything else was in shadows.
Dom’s heart skipped a beat.
This didn’t feel right.
That thought was overpowered by the smell, a sickly sweet odor that suddenly seemed to be everywhere. His stomach twisted and he turned his head slightly to one side, as if to spare his nose. It smelled like something spoiled.
A voice spoke from the darkness, startling him. “I’m in here.”
It was light, airy, and cute.
For the last time, Dom hesitated. Some primal sense told him to turn around and leave…
…but he wanted to be loved.
Dom entered and shut the door behind him.
The smell was stronger. The atmosphere darker.
Ahead, he could barely make out an open doorway in the shadows.
He crossed to it.
The smell was overpowering here and Dom felt like he was going to puke. Any desire he had felt was gone, replaced only by revulsion and claustrophobia. It was cold, he realized, so cold that his teeth chattered.
Okay, fuck this.
He started to turn around, intent on leaving, but a small, white hand reached from the darkness. Icy fingertips brushed his cheek and his heart blasted into his throat.
Then she was there, her body pressing against his and her lips fused with his. The smell, the freezer chill, both stronger than ever.
They were both coming from her.
Her tongue hungrily lashed his own, and she pushed him against the wall. Her hands slipped under his shirt and pressed flat against his chest. They were so cold that he almost cried out.
Dom wanted to push her away, to run, but he didn’t. Instead, he froze up and allowed her to push him onto the bed. Was he too gutless to tell her no, the way he’d been too gutless to tell the woman who went on and on about her ex to shut up and leave? Did he secretly want to go through with this? He didn’t know, and he didn’t have time to figure it out. She was on top of him now, straddling him, his legs caged between her ample thighs. She grabbed his hands and pressed them to her bare breasts.
They were as cold as the rest of her.
She leaned down and kissed him again. He hadn’t noticed it before, but her tongue was…dry. Her mouth itself tasted strange. Off.
Heather broke from his lips and peppered kisses on his cheek and forehead, assaulting him with an intimacy that Dom no longer wanted.
Through it all, she was as silent as a tomb. She wasn’t panting or rasping with excitement. In fact, he didn’t think she was even breathing.
She brushed her lips along the exposed curve of his throat, and tingles of revulsion shot down his spine. She found his pulse and kissed it. Trembles of excitement raced through her body and she started to lap his neck like a dog.
Without warning, a fiery pinprick of pain exploded over him and Heather began to shake and pant. Dom cried out and tried to fight her off, but she was too heavy, too much.
With a tiny, mouse-like squeak - a sound of pitiable fear and resignation - Dom blacked out.

Hello all,
I'm trying to identify which tracker etf is most recommended for buy and invest next 15 to 20 years. This would be for my SIPP account.
I was about to select these from my research
VANGUARD FUNDS PLC S&P 500 UCITS ETF USD ACC (GBP) (VUAG) HSBC ETFS PLC S&P 500 UCITS ETF (GBP) (HSPX) VANGUARD FUNDS PLC FTSE ALL-WORLD UCITS ETF (USD) ACCUMULATING (VWRP)
However was I was told by HL that these are not listed in their direct debit offering (even though they are available on the manual deal list)
https://www.hl.co.uk/investment-services/invest-by-direct-debit
I am slightly bias towards USA and big tech shares.
Does anyone has any recommendations?
Many thanks in advance.
A fellow Fire aspirer