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I owe about $23,000 in parking tickets to the city of ny.. i make a little over minimum wage. The tickets keep increasing in interest and at this point I am drowned.. i need the car for work and as I have been driving much cleaner these days i cant seem to stay on track with these tickets payments.. i have no payment plan as I cant keep up and the Dof just suspended my registration so now i cant even use the car. The car is financed and still has 1 more year of payments left on it. The car is damaged so the value is low.. 160k miles. Im newly married and cant afford to start my new life with my wife. Someone please tell me what to do? . I have no idea how to get out of this.. Im 28 years old and did make these stupid decisions while I was younger.. wish I didnt let it rack up that far as now Im totally stuck.

I need advice on how to deal with my situation appropriately and it’s been going on for awhile now. It seems to be getting worse each time.
I’m almost 22 and have been married since 2021. My Husband and I have a beautiful 2 year old Daughter. Back when I first met my husband I was 18 and had gotten kicked out of my house (my mom and I had a bad relationship at the time) Having nowhere to go my now husband asked his parents if I could stay with them. He was 19 at the time and had just came back from Army Basic Training. His Dad didn’t have a problem with it but his Mom didn’t want me there and I didn’t know it at that time but I never resented her for that especially now as a Mom myself. I wasn’t talking to my Mom or any of my family at the time. I really appreciated them taking me in. I was very shy and didn’t talk much. It was a new environment for me. He told his parents everything. They seemed to have a really close bond. We sat at the dinner table every night with them. It was all new for me and naturally I felt like a burden.
My Mom called out of the blue and my Husband convinced me to answer and talk things out. My mom apologized for everything and she seen that I went to the doctor from an email she had gotten and she knew I was pregnant. When my Husband and I found out we decided we wanted to move to Florida so he could start a career and become a cop eventually so he applied for correctional officer jobs in Fl. My mom knew and she had to take me to my appointments while we still lived in Nc because my husband worked and I didn’t have a car. My husband’s sister knew because he couldn’t keep it from her. His sister told their Grandpa and even told their Mom “I won’t say yes, but I won’t say no” when asked if I was pregnant. We didn’t tell his parents because almost everyday was a lecture about how we better not get pregnant and she would constantly ask if I was taking birth control. She said a few times that she’d “kick our ass” if she found out we were. I didn’t know them well enough to feel comfortable telling them and my Husband just didn’t want a lecture about something we wanted. We were 18 and 19. Yes, that’s super young but we talked about starting a family and moving away and starting a life together. He wanted to be a cop and I wanted to Stay home and raise babies.
So my family got together to throw us a going away party/gender reveal party and also that’s the day my husband proposed to me. His parents knew about the engagement (which btw I later found out his mom didn’t approve when he first told them he wanted to marry me) but they still didn’t know we were pregnant. At this point I felt like his parents liked me and I really liked them. We moved to Fl and his parents even volunteered to put a down payment on a house if we pay the mortgage and eventually buy it from them. We were incredibly grateful. I was actually shocked they offered. I wasn’t there when they talked it over but my Husband and I were planning to rent somewhere before they came up with this idea. His Mom did make comments to people that it was going to be their vacation home and also telling us that the spare room in the house would be their room when they come down Meanwhile, we knew the spare room would be our future child’s room and It did make me a little uncomfortable about it all but I was still trying to show respect and gratitude.
We were staying in an airbnb until the house closed and we got married at a courthouse shortly after and that’s when he called his parents and told them we were pregnant. Naturally they were upset and felt left out and I felt bad but they put some much pressure on us. After that we made the announcement publicly to all friends and family that we were expecting a baby and everything seemed fine. His Mom and Dad were happy, My parents were happy. My mom did later on. tell me that my Husband’s Mom called her telling her that she was going to be in charge of the baby shower since we left her out and that she was owed the right to be there for the first ultrasound for the next baby and she was making my mom feel like she couldn’t be involved in the baby shower, but it didn’t work out the way she wanted because I was the one that planned my own baby shower and my Mom stayed there all night making desserts and that I am sure made her mad when she could’ve went there and helped my mom that night and since then it felt like my Husband’s Mom didn’t like mine.
Slowly I started to realize that they didn’t respect us. For a few examples, lecturing us over and over about something, calling telling us to do things that didn’t concern them something as simple as sending an important paper in the mail, or fixing our car. if we didn’t agree with them, we just said OK to them we never talked back or argued. I told them that I didn’t want anyone at the house when we had our daughter and they came down to stay for a week and she was trying so hard to stay for me to go into labor when my own mom couldn’t make it down to be there. I just wanted it to be me and my Husband because by that point we found out that he was going to deploy two months after we were going to have our baby for a whole year and I wanted that time with just him. luckily, I went into labor the day after they got back home.
He deployed when our daughter was only a month and a half old and I went to live with his parents for a year because I couldn’t be by myself. I didn’t know anyone I had no family or friends down in Florida, so I just wanted some emotional support during that time two months postpartum with a newborn, and I had a fear of driving. sorry, I started regretting that decision because I felt judged and uncomfortable and unwelcome. They would say little out-of-the-way things to me and make me feel like what I was going through, wasn’t a reason to feel the way I did. I had no motivation I was depressed and I was homesick but I still got up every day and took care of my baby. I never needed their help taking care of her. I just wanted people to talk to when I was having anxiety or when my husband and I were going through problems. she never wanted to be comforting during our fights. She would always tell me or my husband that we weren’t gonna make it and we were gonna end up getting a divorce and she even told me one time that she would not let our daughter grow up around that meaning us arguing when we were going through a long-distance relationship and having a hard time. while living with her, she told me that I needed to get off my phone and pay more attention to our daughter even though it wasn’t like I was neglecting her, I would just do things to keep my mind busy when my daughter was content and didn’t need me. my husband was overseas so we had different time zone so I had to adjust to that while taking care of a baby. I constantly felt judged by them. I didn’t like driving so I would always DoorDash things I needed. I bought everything that my daughter needed. I bought breakfast and lunch for us. The only thing that they provided was dinner.
my mother-in-law’s aunt lived right next-door and she would asked me to go out and run errands with her all the time and it helped me get out of the house. We would go grocery shopping together and she took me anywhere i needed to go. we had good conversations and it was a way to bring us closer. she was really there for me when no one else was emotionally . multiple times while living with them. They would ignore me when I would ask for my daughter back tell me “no it’s okay” they got her or when she was screaming they thought that they could comfort her more than I could and they would not hand her back to me.
I’m sorry this is super freaking long but fast forward to May of last year.
my sister-in-law, and I have the same birthday and she lives in North Carolina and at this time his parents live in Tennessee they took off work to go down to North Carolina to spend time with their daughter on her birthday but she decided to go to the beach so they took the opportunity to come down to Florida for my birthday and I was already upset that my family couldn’t be there but I decided to try and enjoy it. we had been arguing with his parents a week before, and I didn’t want them to come down and continue to argue with us and ruin my birthday and that’s exactly what happened the day after my birthday they were outside washing our house because they said it was really dirty and we went next-door to swim for 20 minutes.
We came back and they were so mad and said that we needed to get rid of our dog, because it chewed the table they gave us, and before we had time to even react, she told us the table was destroyed, and we need to figure something out about the dog so we went in and saw that the leg of the table was chewed, and our dog was in a cage shaking with P all over the house. We were upset because they were demanding that we get rid of our dog before even trying to talk it out like adults and for us to actually feel sorry about what had happened we let it go for a little bit and I was in my room on the phone with my mom and that’s when I heard my husband and his dad getting into an argument. His dad was cussing him and my husband walked through our room to go outside because we were grilling out and his dad followed so I told my mom that I would have to call her back at that same moment my husbands mom open the door and demanded that I get outside and listen to what they had to say. I didn’t say anything I just walked outside and they bashed for everything, our financial struggles, the fact that I didn’t take Mother’s Day to go get cookies to my husband’s grandma in a nursing home
I was shaking so bad I was so upset that they were just yelling and screaming and bashing us, and I was just sitting there quiet not saying anything back. I finally had enough and I started standing up for myself, saying that I didn’t appreciate how they didn’t care about my feelings so they asked me to give them examples. I told them whenever I had my wedding, I also had a miscarriage and I didn’t feel comfortable with one of my sister-in-law‘s friends coming, and I was made out to be the bad guy, and they only thought about her and how I ended up giving in and letting her come because I didn’t want her sitting at a hotel by herself so I was still thinking about someone else’s feelings, but no one was thinking about mine and how I was going through a hard time and they of course shut that down and gave excuses.
I gave them another example about how Christmas of 2022 was going to be mine and my husband and daughter‘s first Christmas ever together because he was deployed for our daughter’s first Christmas my dad had also died December 5 of 2022 and I was also supposed to be pregnant by that time but I lost the baby. I didn’t even get to get anything out and explain my side. The only thing I could get out was “like Christmas-“ and she started waving her hands and screaming and sayin “my son was deployed for a year and I lost my dad”(he died in 2019) I was taken back, but I calmly said” my dad died too” and she fires back and yells. “Yeah, but mine was my life “ I shut down after that how dare she say that and try to one up me ? because my dad had just died a few weeks before that Christmas that we were talking about but she made it about her, which honestly proves my point when I told him they didn’t care about my feelings. She turns around and attacks me and makes it about her but I didn’t even have time to explain that I just wanted Christmas morning to be a tradition with my family. My daughter and my husband and I was going through a hard time anyways, so I was trying to say that it upset me that they made it out to people like we didn’t even want them there when they spent a week with us before Christmas. They live 7 hours away so we can’t have the normal grandparents come over Christmas afternoon like everyone else in my family can’t come over for Christmas morning so they shouldn’t be able to either and the point at the end of the day is that we were that’s what we wanted as a family of three to have Christmas mornings with our daughter.
she didn’t talk to me for the rest of that day and the next day they had left early to go see my husband’s grandma at the nursing home that they moved her to and my mother-in-law texted my husband and asked if we wanted to meet them for lunch so we did I said right across from her in a booth and she didn’t even look at me once or speak to me at all when my daughter‘s food came out it was hot so I put it closer to me to try to break up her food and let it cool down each time she would pull it away from me because my daughter was sitting next to her. I would pull it back and take out the bag of chips and then she would pull it back I would pull it back and dump out her green beans and she would take it back. She did it 3 times all while not looking at me and I still was the bigger person and didn’t say anything and continue to act like nothing happened
when we got back to our house, I went to my screen porch for the rest of the time that they were there. My husband and his parents were in our kitchen and when they were ready to leave my husband came and got me and told me that I should come say goodbye, so I stood in the driveway while my husband, my daughter and his parents all laughed, hugged and kissed and said goodbyes, and then she walks up to me and speaks like a robot in a way of not even wanting to come up to me, like it was bothering her that she even had to speak to me and she just said “bye. Love you” in a really rude way over something that she said to me and it’s funny too because in her hand was a homemade Mother’s Day gift that I made her but she’s going to talk to me like that, and ignore me and treat me like that over her yelling at me and putting me down about my pain with my dad. After they pulled out of the driveway , I went back to the screen porch and cried because that’s the first time I fully felt like I wasn’t part of their family and she showed her true colors once I tried to stand up for myself about her being disrespectful to me when for the three years that I’ve been with my husband at this point, I’ve never spoken back to her or disrespected her
for days they ignored us, and I just cried over my dad because he’s gone and it was like throwing my grief in my face and my husband finally told his mom that she needed to apologize to me. She called him and asked to speak to him alone, and I later found out that she was saying that I took everything the wrong way and she didn’t mean it like that. Finally she text me and basically tells me the same thing that she wasn’t saying anything about my relationship with my dad. She was simply saying why she needed Christmas morning with her family. I didn’t accept her apology because it was basically making excuses, but I decided not to hold her accountable and I just simply explain to her that Christmas has never been the same for me since my grandparents died and then I just wanted that special moment with my daughter especially now that my dad it was gone and I moved on from it I for gave her a few months after this happened she came down for my daughters birthday, and it was still awkward and I was still a little hurt by the way she treated me, but I was trying to MoveOn for it for my husband and daughter sake, and even my own.
After May 2023 it seemed like things were going good they would call and the conversations were nice they weren’t lecturing. We finally thought they learned their lesson after the big blowup in May but then fast forward to April 2024.
they came down suddenly in April after coming down a few weeks before just to visit because my husband’s grandma wasn’t doing too good she was in the hospital and they were preparing for her to pass away. I was taking ovulation medication because we were trying to have another baby. I felt very hung over sound out am I anxiety was the worst it has ever been I would cry almost every night because I would almost go into panic attacks so while they were here, I stopped taking the medicine and was still suffering side effects so I try to stay out of the way because I know they were grieving and everything was happening so suddenly for them and I wanted to be there to support my husband, his work schedule was so messed up that he only had a few hours after waking up to be able to go to the hospital before having to leave for work until 1 AM in the morning so I was never able to go with him to see his grandma, but he asked me if he thought she was about to die if I would go with her and I said of course. Well she passed away before we can make it to the hospital and I know everyone was devastated. This was a day after Easter. My husband had to work on Easter so before we even knew the condition of his grandma’s health, we plan to have our own Easter and egg hunt the day after Easter because my husband would be off work, and that is the day that she passed away so I told my husband that we could cancel our egg hunt and he said no because he wanted to be there with our daughter and enjoy that time. I also invited his parents because I thought it would be good for them to get their mind off of things, and I made a bunch of desserts, including homemade cookies that his mother had asked me to make weeks before this for the next time they came down we grilled out and there was gonna be plenty of food for them and I wanted that time with them as well, but I respected that they needed time to themselves after his dad had just lost his mother.
they had been staying in a hotel, the whole time they were here but the day after she passed away, they came over that morning, and our house was a mess because we had a cookout the night before, and my husband was grieving and upset and we were just too tired to clean and we were planning to get it the next morning They wanted to take our daughter to the park and Dairy Queen and we were going to stay back because we both weren’t feeling too well and we were going to clean the house but before they left my husband’s Dad told us “I wish I would come with us.” so my husband told him that we would get ready and meet him there and that’s exactly what we did. We had lunch with them and the little things like forcing her to eat a hamburger when I told him that she like chicken nuggets or taking her drink away and telling her she’s not feeling up on a drink that she’s going to eat always bothered me and there’s always done it but I knew that at this time it wasn’t my opportunity to stand up because he just lost his mom and I didn’t want to start anything not that I would’ve been rude about it but they never take it for what it is. It’s disrespect if we stand up or tell them we don’t like what they’re doing but I told my husband that what happened in May would never happen again.
we were driving my mom’s truck because my husband‘s truck was in the shop and we went to a thrift store while his parents took our daughter to the park at the thrift store. I found an angel that I wanted to gift his dad to show sympathy. I got a few little toys for my daughter to so when we left we were on our way to meet them at the park and that’s when the mechanic called my husband and said his truck was ready. He called his mom to ask if his dad would follow him and get the truck and if his mom will drive my mom’s truck back home because I was under the influence with the side effects of the medication. She then asked if I couldn’t just make it to the park and the mechanics is right behind the park so of course I could have, but I didn’t see the difference of them going to getting it when we were ready to leave the park together or us going and getting it so we went to the park instead so I could give my daughter her toys.
while I was in the truck getting the gifts out for my husband’s dad, my husband went over to explain that I would just feel more comfortable if they went and got the truck because I was under the influence and later on I found out that his mom said “no she’s not, and saying that I was lying” but when I got out of the truck, she was talking all nice to me and explaining that my husband and my father-in-law we’re going to go get his truck and she even told me to watch my daughter for a second while she went and grabbed her drink out of the car and hit my head. I thought that was crazy that she told me to watch my own daughter, but she those are the little things that I let go and let her say because there’s no point of talking back. It always will start something.
if you’re with me so far, this is the end in our current situation. We all got back home and they walked in and saw that our puppy Peed on the floor and they got mad. We tried to let it go because my father-in-law‘s mom just died and there’s no sense of getting into an argument. We went to our neighbors to give them desserts that I had made for a cookout because I didn’t want them to go to waste while we were there. His mom texted him asking if our daughter could spend the night with them in a hotel when we thought they were staying with us first I didn’t say no I just said where is she going to sleep and they said in the bed with us I didn’t like that. I wanted her to be in a crib so we said no but we even called the hotel to ask if they had cribs to rent because somebody in the hotel said no so we were trying to compromise. We got back to our house and they were so mad. They were ready to leave without saying bye his dad was already in the car and his mom was walking out the door and didn’t really wanna speak to us. We asked her what the issue was and they went off. He went to the car to talk to his dad. his dad screamed at him and drove off. I was so upset because there was no reason to treat us like that when we have boundaries with our daughter and they were supposed to stay with us, but they decided that they were too upset about the dog peeing, and that our house was a little messy from the night before that they wanted to stay in a hotel, and they wanted to take our daughter too.
The next day I had an eye doctors appointment that I scheduled months in advance, and my husband had a job interview and they did not communicate when they were coming over so my husband was already gone and I was about to walk out the door. My husband’s grandpa lives right next-door because we moved him down here a few months ago and they were out there talking to him so I let my daughter go say bye to them and they didn’t speak to me at all. again the same treatment like back in May how she didn’t even want to look in my direction or speak to me so I left and they then texted my husband how I just took off with my own daughter, so there was no reason to stick around blaming me, of course.
I understand that his dad was going through a hard time but my husband also just lost his grandma and that just so happen to be my dad‘s birthday. I wasn’t going to make it about me of course not but I still didn’t wanna get yelled at on my dad‘s birthday I wanted to remember him and have a good day. I texted his mom three days after the incident. Nothing about the text was rude. I just told her that I was blown way by the disrespect and I didn’t like how they treated us. I brought back up me and how it was unfair that she thinks she can continue to yell and scream at us and ignore us. she read it and instantly called my husband and tried to bash me and I tried to speak up and she shut me up telling me that she was talking to her son not me my husband told her not to speak to his wife that way and she tries to bash me and say that I didn’t even want to say sorry to my father-in-law for his loss when I tried to do little things like buy him that angel and make cookies for them and I made a grocery order the night they came down and I clean the house and I was expecting to cook dinner for them and host them but they stayed in a hotel the whole time
she bashed us saying that we didn’t even offer them a shower, or anything to drink or anything to eat when they came home but right when we walked in the door is when they started yelling and lecturing us about dog pee, and it went downhill from there so we didn’t even have time to offer anything that they wanted or needed but every time they come over they make themselves at home because their name is on the deed even though we pay for the home, they act like it’s their home and they do whatever they please, so there was no reason we felt like we needed to assist them to the shower or ask if they needed anything even though that morning they got there She asked if I had any Dr Pepper and I said no that I had Sprite and she didn’t want that so at this point she’s just trying to make us look bad like it was our fault and they didn’t feel welcome here so that’s why they went to a hotel that night.
she was so rude and making excuses and disrespecting me not wanting me to talk to her. She kept saying she wanted to talk to her son and not me and she even called me a little girl at that point I had enough I was finally standing up for myself after four years of my mother-in-law saying out-of-the-way things to me and putting me down and lecturing me, I finally had enough I never cussed once at her I never cussed on her because I respect her enough, but I finally had enough of shutting my mouth and letting her talk to me anyway she want it. I told her she was not gonna call me a little girl and that she was going to hear from me because she’s bashing me to my husband, I tried to explain my side, but she kept on and on accusing us and saying that we were the reason for all of this and that they did nothing wrong and keep in mind, we have never raised our voice to them. We have never cussed at them we have never told them. Hey you’re wrong we don’t agree we just let them have their way and we were done May 2023 was our breaking point even though then we still were respectful, this time we weren’t gonna let them have their way and feel like they were right
The next week my husband went to go pick up his grandma’s ashes because before the fight that was the arrangements because they had to go back home to Tennessee he called the funeral home and they said that the day before his mom called and told them that they were coming down for the weekend to get them but they said nothing about that to us and at this point he hasn’t spoken to his dad in a week. he told his mom that he didn’t even feel welcome at the funeral, and that it really upset him. His mom told him that I had nothing to do with the fight, and that his dad simply just wanted his mothers ashes and she made excuses of course later that day she calls and I heard everything she said even though she thought I wasn’t around and she continue to bash me over and over about how everything was my fault, and I never wanted them around our daughter or to have a relationship with her.
it was extremely hard for me to keep my mouth shut for an entire hour when someone’s making things up and bashing you she think those want to say that she’s sick and tired of me calling her a liar, which I’m never said hey you’re a liar I just said that her apology wasn’t sincere and she continued to say that I took it the wrong way when she was bashing me about my dad and tell her that’s calling her a liar because she continues to say she didn’t mean it like that but the reason I brought back up made her was to say she thinks she can continue to talk to me that way and get away with it and that I was tired of it. my husband try to stand up for me and tell her how it made me feel like she was comparing my pain to hers about my dad and then she makes the snarky remark” I actually had a relationship with Mine”. she was talking about her relationship with her dad and comparing it to mine so again she’s throwing up my pain and trying to one up me and again argue on why she should’ve been there Christmas morning and she even said” I was explaining what I needed Christmas morning with my son and his daughter” His daughter???!
after that phone call, everything seem to be fine with his parents and my husband but she was still ignoring me. She wouldn’t call or message me and apologize or even explain herself. She just wanted to bash me to my husband and now everything was cool with them and they came down for a weekend to get my husband’s grandma‘s ashes and they went to the park with my husband and daughter and I decided to stay home because I didn’t want anything to go down and I be blamed for ruining that hard time for his family. My husband said they didn’t even ask about me and I know that they were happy that I wasn’t around because she made a post about how she just needed that time with her son and granddaughter, and everything was worded perfectly but I know that that was a dig at me and every time I would post something about the way I was feeling just little quotes that I see she would always post something as if she was speaking to me. it didn’t matter if it was something to do with disrespect or my daughter, or supporting my husband she would always find a post to relate it about what I’m posting. stuff like “no one could love her children the way she does” when I would post about how I love my husband and that I am there to support him
ever since then she has been calling my husband to bash me and come up with a new reasons on why I am the bad guy and I’m sick of it so if you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading my story because I don’t even know what to do at this point my husband wants to cut her off maybe not forever but he wants her to understand that she can’t keep treating me like this and even treating him like this because the last phone call was two days ago when we thought everything was at least cool with my husband and his parents even though I knew she still had a problem with me over things she said to me she calls him and bashes me and tells my husband that he’s not standing up for his parents and that that’s wrong and that that is his blood family and that he should be the hero and fix everything or she’s not gonna want to be around me
i’ve read a bunch of other stories about toxic in-laws, and there’s a lot that are way worse than my situation but I’ve had enough of her talking to me anyway she wants, putting me down, lecturing me, throwing my dad’s death in my face as if her relationship was greater and her pain is worse and I’m just sick of it because I can’t even look at pictures of my dad without crying and regretting and it’s really hard to stand up for myself when someone bashes me and makes themself the victim when I know for a fact, the last four years I’ve been nothing but kind to her. Yes, she has done things for me, but when she treats me bad, she uses that as a way to say “look at everything I’ve done for her and she wants to treat me like this?” just because I stand up for myself when she yells at me and I don’t know what to do so if you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading and I need help

41/M. I can't say for sure, but I'm fairly certain my relationship of five years is coming to a close. I recently learned that she cheated on me repeatedly with four different people (sex with two of them, making out with one and plans to physically meet another), all of whom are in our social circle. She's remorseful, but I just don't think I'll be able to move past what she did or trust her again. I was planning on proposing this summer, and financially we had hedged everything on her parents who are quite wealthy. They were going to provide the down payment on a house, and retirement would have been more than handled with her inheritance. As for me I got a late start in life, and a result have next to nothing in savings. My parents are dead broke, and from time to time I send them money.
The upside is I still have a full head of hair, look about 10 years younger than my actual age, and make $130k a year working remotely in NYC. Zero debt. I think my plan is to move somewhere cheap and save every penny I can for the next few years. With any luck my dating late will pick back up, but considering my age and lack of savings I'm worried that it will be slim pickings. I also wanted to start a family, yesterday, but at this rate I'll be in my mid to late 40's by the time I have a kid...Has anyone been in a similar situation? It feelings daunting, to say the least. Tick tock...

• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.
-I am a 30-year-old biological female, mentally male most of the time.
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?
-I don't think so. I'm relatively mentally stable, I think.
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?
-My upbringing was relatively boring. I have my parents and my two younger sisters (28 and 22). I think that my parents were irresponsible for wanting to have children for their reasons. My parents both broke out of religious households and my sisters and I (have one wish before we die and it may sound strange as if our minds are deranged) grew up sans religion. (Extra credit points if you get the reference.)
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?
-I am employed as a veterinary assistant by my veterinarian mother. Yay, nepotism. I don't really enjoy my job, but I get paid fairly well for the hours I put in. I enjoy working more when it's just me and the vet because then I have way more control over everything than when the other assistant(s) and the receptionist are at the clinic. When it's just me and the veterinarian, I can get the vet and her patient prepared and in surgery, set up for all of the appointments and other surgeries during the day, prepare vaccine certificates, take phone calls and assist clients, get the X-ray table ready, do any bloodwork/urinalysis for patients done, schedule appointments, and overall get everything done how I want to get it done right then.
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?
-I could probably spend eons by myself and not get sad or lonely. I can have my surroundings be as quiet as I want them.
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?
-I'm not really good at sports, especially team sports. I do like archery, cycling, hiking, weightlifting, kettlebell exercises, weight drafting/pulling and can pull my 1.5 ton car on good days.
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?
-First of all, it's *than. I would say that I am pretty curious, I think. I don't really know about executing ideas. I tend to hyperfocus on one thing, if this is what the question is asking. Most my "ideas" are storylines in my head and I have a couple of those. Other more realistic (at least I think they're realistic) ideas are more based on the future of humanity and future civilizations and other crap like that.
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
-I do not want to take on a leadership role. I think if I had someone else to tell what to do who would do what I say would be the best way that I could be a leader.
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?
-Coordinated as in calculated or not clumsy? Well, I enjoy gardening, home improvement, and all of the physical things I said about the sports question.
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.
-I am pretty artistic, but not the most. I draw mostly tangible things like dogs, cats, horses, and humans. I also like drawing dragons and aliens and other crap. I would just say that animals and outside scenery are the main focus of my drawing. I also draw some surreal and kaleidoscope-esque things and other things. I am not very good with clay, but I like making tiny clay sculptures. I also like making music. I play a dozen different instruments and use my ability to read music (western notation and tablature) to play with modes, transpose, transcribe, etc my sheet music from lessons and schools in between each instrument. It's a sort of my own little game with my own rules for me. I can do this by ear, but it's more fun and more challenging with actually mapping things out. I also incorporate basic algebra and the FOIL method into my music theory game rules. I don't know if that made sense.
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?
-I think we can learn from the past, but it's not something to get hung up on. Wars, genocides, mass extinctions, and more efficient ways of life (on a softer note) are something to consider. I think it's kind of stupid when parents don't understand that their child is an adult and has changed while they won't let the past go, or whatever. For the present, it's just here. I just go along with whatever is thrown my way whether I can take it or not in the end. For the future? I'm not sure. I don't want to sound contradictory to what I said about the present, but while the present is here and is... here, I like to think about what I can be doing in the future. I will reach my 80lb weight loss goal in 1 year, for one example. I will have this sort of "devil on the deep blue sea behind me" moment (another reference of The Police) if I can just figure out how to break those chains that bind me here.
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?
-If it's something that I can realistically and physically help them with, then I will help them. If it's something isn't detrimental to me, I don't see why not. If I can't help them with something, then I will point them to something or someone who can.
• Do you need logical consistency in your life?
-Yes.
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?
-It is very important. I think it should be important to everyone. Like I said in an earlier question, I like to take charge of the productivity because then I know it will get done correctly even if it's not done how someone would like it done.
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?
-Yes and yes. As said earlier, I get everything in my external surroundings prepared exactly how I think it should be done and everyone else (whether coworker or client, at least in the workspace) just follow with what I already have set up. Other than at work, I don't really interact with other people all that much, so I just have control over people at work.
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
-My hobbies are the exercise things and "art" things that I mentioned earlier along with reading books. I enjoy them because they are essentially an escape from reality as well as that I make a little money from taking drawing commissions for art roleplay games, so there's something to that. The exercise and music are more for helping my mind and body. I can come home to walk on my treadmill for an hour, do some deadlifts, and then play bass a little bit once I have exerted myself, for a small example.
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?
-I could have done better in school with how smart I was (my teachers would pull me out of class and would nag me about my grades). I had to have paras in some classes for some reason, but they and the teachers both sucked at explaining things to me in ways that I would understand. I think my science and band classes had the highest grades. I was bad at math and with understanding what my English literature and writing teachers were trying to teach me. TLDR for this is that I can't learn things on other people's terms. For school in specific, if I had dropped out and learned the world my way without the pressure of grades, I probably would have learned things a lot quicker. I like a lot of things now that I hated learning in school. I know that this question isn't all about school. I think logic and creativity would be most how I prefer classes. With science classes and band, I could easily use both.
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?
-This depends on the task. I have a bunch of notes that I make for myself regarding a task so that I can come back and either do it the same if it works or change it if it messed up. Usually, I start something completely new sometimes by winging it and piecing things together to what works in the most convenient way.
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?
-Well, like I said before, I'd like to lose 80 more pounds by the end of this year. I'd like a different career and to move out of the current state I live in. I'd also like to keep myself independent for the rest of my life.
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?
-I don't really have any fears. Smalltalk and hyper people make me uncomfortable. People trying to "help" me with things I've already planned out because they think their way is better without thinking things through or explaining why their way is better annoy me. Clients who come in and tell some dumb sob story about how their dog was badly abused by its previous owner and about how sick it makes them to think about it annoy me. Do they abuse their dog? No. The dog is with them, now. They need to stop worrying about the dog's past because the only "trauma" their dog has now is its owner's negative and irrational emotions towards the past situation.
• What do the "highs" in your life look like?
-My highs are that pretty on top of the world feeling. It can be little things like getting my rent, utility bills, and car payments done on time. I also am more mentally "aggressive" if that makes sense. Usually, I keep my highs internal. I don't really know how to explain the non-sensory highs.
• What do the "lows" in your life look like?
-The lows are me being externally crabby, no motivation to do anything, naggy, eating an ungodly amount of unhealthy and savory food. I think "bitchy" is a good way to describe it.
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?
-What is spatial awareness? I am aware that I am here, but I feel very detached from my body almost constantly. I can completely lose myself in whichever of my storylines I want to. I do it at work a lot where I can just autopilot my body while my brain goes to LaLa Land.
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?
-If it's a blank and empty room, that sounds like prime breeding grounds to just zone out and not think about anything. If I get bored, I can revisit my internal storylines and look for something in their to either start a new storyline or go back and rewatch one of my other filed storylines. I often like to think about if I were to trade bodies with an unrelated biological cisgender male and about the differences that I would experience like what having a higher center of gravity would feel like, for one. Another thing is what a civilization would do with having to harness radiation from black holes to use as power.
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?
-This depends on the situation. If it's a pet that broke its back and has no use of any of its legs, that's an automatic euthanasia. Other times, because I have no examples right off the top of my head for this, it can probably take a while for it to mull over.
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?
-So, everyone's emotions are valid, but they should not let them get in the way of logic. I feel pretty calm most of the time, but sometimes there will be one thing that just sets me off and then I get passive aggressive and snappy. These times are all shallow and short-lived, though.
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?
-Not really. I don't like talking to people just to talk and I will tell them what I think if they ask for my opinion. If something comes up in their conversation that I can reply to, if it's something I disagree with I'll answer them so long as they will listen without interrupting my point of view. If they get hissy with me for disagreeing, then they shouldn't have asked for my opinion. This only goes for people who engage in conversation with me. I do not seek out conversation with others unless it's important information.
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?
-I break rules if the rule in place doesn't make sense. If the rule does make logical sense, then I'll follow it. I follow most rules at work, but sometimes I'll be extremely honest with clients and tell them things that I think they need to hear even if the vet yells at me later for it. She usually puts the receptionist and me in charge of bluntness, though, because she can't bring herself to hurt her clients' feelings. In the real world, this also depends on the rules broken because I don't want to do something against the rules (speeding, for instance) and have to fork money over for a ticket or go waste time in a court of something that could have been avoided if I had followed the rule in the first place. Authority figures depend on the person in charge. Some of them do and some of them don't. I don't know what else to say about this. I think it's pretty straightforward.

I need some help with a mortgage payout calculation to help decide on whether to payout early or wait till the end of the term.
Mortgage details: rate - 1.59%, 5 year term, amortized over 12 years (not the usual 25). Matures Mar. 2026
Due to the choice to amortize over 12 years, the monthly payment is $1105 (as opposed to $525 if we had amortized over 25 years).
Scenario 1: We presently have a GIC (inheritance) in a TFSA earning 5.6%. It matures Oct 22/24 and will be around $93,700 at maturity. Payout of the mortgage in Nov.2024 will be $90,776 plus 3 months interest penalty of about $320. By doing this we will be up by around $3000 from the GIC and will no longer have to pay 16 more months of mortgage payments which would total $15,931. So, $3000 + $15,930= $18,931- $320 (minus payout penalty)=. UP $18,661
Scenario 2: We reinvest the GIC at 5%(maybe) from Oct. 22/24 - Feb.22/24 and maybe earn another $6,500 in interest. Mortgage term ends Mar 22/26 with a remaining amount of $74, 845. So $99,975 (total amount in GIC and rollovers including interest) - $74,845 (remaining amount owed at end of mortgage term) = $25,130 (extra remaining from the GIC). However, we still pay the mortgage payment of $1105 over these 16 extra months (vs the scenario 1 plan). These extra 16 months equal $15,931. So we are up $25,130 from the difference between GIC amount and payout but still had to pay the mortgage payment every month. So, $25,130 - $15,931= UP $9,199
Scenario #1 seems to be the clear winner but I must be wrong
Is this how to calculate these 2 scenarios?? It seems like it should make more sense to keep paying the 1.59% mortgage till end of term and leave the inheritance money in the GIC earning around 5% and bank the difference. However, when I do the calculation it seems to make sense to do scenario #1. Am I missing something??

Human Life Value (HLV) is a concept used in insurance to determine the economic value of an individual’s life based on their potential future earnings and financial contributions to their family or dependents. It quantifies the present value of the individual’s future income and services, taking into account factors such as age, occupation, education, earning capacity, and personal circumstances.
Key points about Human Life Value (HLV) in insurance:

1. Calculation: HLV is calculated by estimating the individual’s future earnings over their expected working life and discounting them to their present value using an appropriate discount rate. This involves projecting the individual’s income growth, career trajectory, and expected retirement age, among other factors. 2. Financial Protection: HLV serves as a basis for determining the amount of life insurance coverage needed to financially protect the individual’s family or dependents in the event of their premature death or disability. The insurance coverage should ideally replace the lost income and provide financial stability to the beneficiaries. 3. Factors Considered: Various factors are taken into account when calculating HLV, including the individual’s current income, potential future earnings growth rate, inflation rate, employment stability, expenses, debts, financial goals, and the financial needs of dependents, such as education expenses and mortgage payments. 4. Risk Management: HLV helps individuals and insurance professionals assess the level of financial risk associated with premature death or disability and determine the appropriate amount of life insurance coverage needed to mitigate that risk. It allows for a more accurate and personalized approach to insurance planning. 5. Adjustments: HLV should be periodically reviewed and adjusted to reflect changes in the individual’s life circumstances, such as career advancements, salary increases, changes in family size, or major financial obligations. Regular reassessment ensures that the insurance coverage remains adequate and aligned with the individual’s evolving financial needs. 

Overall, Human Life Value (HLV) provides a systematic framework for evaluating the economic worth of an individual’s life in insurance planning. By quantifying the financial impact of premature death or disability, HLV helps ensure that adequate protection is in place to safeguard the financial well-being of loved ones and dependents in times of adversity.

Hi all,
My partner and I are in a good spot, but we're trying to get more financially literate. We're both reading Ramit Sethi's I Will Teach You To Be Rich to start.
The numbers:

• MMF/Cash - $470k
• Traditional IRA - $36k (looking to convert this into a Roth this year)
• HYSA - $323k ($132k is for estimated tax payments, $147k will be reinvested into a business within the next few months)
• Brokerage - $111k (88% US Stocks, 11% Int Stocks)
• Debt - $75k student loans (2-6.5%, payments will start in August), $18k car loan (@ 5.5%)
• Income for the next 2-3 years is expected to be $200k at least.
• NW right now is about $900k.

No employer retirement accounts. My partner doesn't have a personal or employer retirement account. Employer retirement will become a priority when we have access to one.
We only started investing in the past two months. We live in a VHCOL area and will likely stay & end up here.
Coming up:

• We're planning to get married in the next 1-2 years
• We're hoping to buy a house in the next 2-8 years

Our plan right now:

• Start an IRA for my partner
• Pay off loans. Pay the minimum but throw extra money into the higher interest ones until they're all paid off. (Possibly consolidate them if the interest rate is good)
• If we decide a house isn't a going to happen in the next 5 years, start investing that MMF money?
• Invest as much as we can - get our brokerage percentages to 60% US Stocks, 30% Int Stocks, 10% Bonds

We're not really sure what to do other than just invest...
We do want to get to a point of financial independence, but worried we're starting a bit late (both early 30s) in terms of retirement and investing. I'd appreciate any advice or thoughts. Happy to answer any clarifying questions if more context is needed.
Thank you.

Hi all I am applying for a visa on behalf of my grandmother so that she can visit me in the UK.
I am showing proof of bank statements for the previous 6 months. My issue is that in November 2023, I had quite a few large cash payments coming in and out of my account (some over £2000). These payments were money I gave to family, which they are going to pay me back for.
My question is, will this raise concerns with the visa officer? I am planning to explain each of these transactions, but I don't want this to be a reason for the visa to be refused. I would rather apply in a month's time if this is risky, so I don't have to include that particular bank statement.
Anyone have any advice or experience with this?

We purchased a duplex 2.5 years ago in a great school district HCOL area. It’s super private on 5 acres. Interest rate is 3%. We get $1000 a month from our tenant and our escrow payment is $1400 a month.
We have been told by multiple realtors and comps that if we sell today we will make around 180-200k to use as the down payment for our next home.
We recently got prequalified with a 6.3 interest rate and have been looking to build or buy. With this interest rate and around 150-200k down we are looking at a mortgage payment around $3000 a month. We want to stay within 25-28% of gross income for our principal interest and taxes.
Our current living situation is a two bedroom, one bathroom and the kids don’t share a room. We tried and it didn’t go well. So we sleep in the living room on the pull out couch.
We bought a fixer upper and most of our cash is going to major upgrades such as boiler, roof, floors.
If we stay here we will have to plan to convert one of our garages into another bedroom. We will still have another garage.
We are not able to easily convert the entire duplex into one house because there are utilities and garages in between apartments and we are a slab. Also if we stay here we will need to plan to replace an above ground septic system that will be around 30,000 in the next 5 years, add mini splits and renovate garage and maybe add screened in porch. Need to clean up our landscaping as well.
We feel stuck because of this amazing interest rate and really low monthly payment and very competitive housing market.
This house has been a blessing and a major weight at the same time. Should we stay here a few more years while kids are young? Or sell and go rent for $2500-3500 a month for a year or so until we find our next home?

40k in debt and growing
About 16.8k of it is one credit card. A little over 13-14k on back taxes from 2022/23 And 7k left on car loan.
I only make 1100-1200 a week on a 1099 job. Minimum monthly payment at the moment is 523 on the credit card and 539 on the car loan. How fucked am I? My credit score is still somehow over 700 but barely.
here are some additional monthly expenses 340 on fuel for car 150 on car insurance 100 on phone bill 300 on health insurance (bronze plan) 600 I give to my parents since I’m living with them at the moment. Household of 6 people all adults.

Just curious if anyone has been successful at being returned to previous payment plan/amount that re certification resulted in a higher payment?
It has now been about two months since the dept of education has announced this, and I can't recall seeing ONE person having had this done.
I have been in a processing/administrative forbearance just waiting in limbo as they supposedly "process this request".
When is someone going to take responsibility and force them to follow the directions of the department of education?

I recently came upon a gift from a family member in the amount of $50,000. I am trying to plan and finalize how I am going to use this money to spend it on the (hopefully) right things and save the rest to grow wisely for my family.
I am a 34 year old in the construction management industry with a solid 401(k) and even better ESOP. I’m married with a little one on the way here in late July so we also have a 529 (just upped to $500/mo) that we started about a year ago ($7K now). We own our house and have a $520K balance on our mortgage with a $4M current home value (we got lucky and bought in 2020). In terms of liabilities, my wife has a car payment ($12k), student loan debt ($14K), and credit card debt ($10K). I have just credit card debt ($15K).
We just finalized our joint account and the mechanics to make bills efficient, leaving each of us with about $2K/month in personal deposits to work with. We have been looking into some interior remodeling for the house, along with some other fun items, but we’re not sure if that’s the best thing to pull the trigger on yet.
Given the context, if you were in my position, how would you handle this $50K gift?

Project Overview:
The following is a detailed scope of services to be provided by the freelancer to the client on a freelance basis.
The below is a general Scope of Work subject to adjustments to specific project requirements.
Scope of Work:
Client Proposal: - Drafting client proposals/pitch decks to outline services and win new business.
Press Release Drafting: - Drafting/Editing press releases based on provided information and client briefs.
Media Relations: - Crafting media pitches tailored to targeted journalists and publications. - Building and maintaining media lists and relationships. - Meeting key media to benefit the client. - Pitching press releases and campaign angles to targeted media outlets. - Facilitating media interviews and coordinating press coverage.
Social Media Campaigns: - Providing social media planning and campaigns. - Building influencer relations to best suit the client. - Scouting and acquiring influencers for paid/organic activities.
Strategic Planning: - Developing creative PR strategies and campaigns to meet client objectives. - Providing strategic guidance on messaging and positioning to best fit the client. - Working on strategic Brand/Talent Partnerships to benefit the client and maximize campaign potential.
Event Organizing: - Curating events, if needed, to maximize campaign reach and engagement. - Securing event venues, vendors, and equipment. - Managing event logistics, including media and personnel invitations, RSVPs, and guest lists. - Overseeing event setup, execution, and post-event follow-ups.
Reporting and Analysis: - Monitoring media coverage and providing reports with the team. - Providing PR performance metrics and making recommendations for improvement.
Timeline: Specific timelines and deadlines will be outlined in the assigned projects.
Proposal Type: Two options are provided in this proposal and can be chosen based on how both parties see best fit.
Fixed Term Basis: A proposed fixed fee of £5,000 per month for the duration of 4 months, totaling £20,000. The fee will include all the above scopes to be applied but not limited to the discussed projects.
Payment Terms: If the project duration spans less than 30 days, payment is to be made over 2 installments: - An upfront 50% payment is to be made at the start of the project(s). - The remainder 50% is to be made upon the completion of the project(s).
If the project duration spans for 30+ days, a monthly installment can be agreed: - First installment to be made at the start of the project(s). - Subsequent payments are due on the 1st of every month for the duration of the project.
Other arrangements can be agreed per project.
Terms and Conditions: Any additional tasks or revisions beyond the scope of this agreement will be subject to additional fees. The client is to cover any business-related expenses. The freelancer to notify prior and to invoice expenses clearly. The freelancer to have access to client offices & facilities for the benefit of client work. Additional projects assigned to be discussed and assigned with specific scopes. Working schedule to be agreed upon as best suits both parties.
Client Approval: The client acknowledges receipt and acceptance of this Statement of Work.

I sent back an item in March because I no longer needed it. Amazon gave me a refund when I sent it off via Whole Foods, but now they have charged me again (only for this item???) and are telling me that I need to upload ID to get a refund (to my original payment method no less, the same payment method I’ve used for years on Amazon which is suddenly “suspicious”???). I’ve never had this issue before and I absolutely refuse to upload my ID, so I asked that they just send the item back to me if that is the case. They won’t. How is this legal ?? They can’t even tell me what is suspicious about my account??? I’ve filed a complaint with BBB, but is there any other recourse?? It’s only a $20 item so if there’s no recourse I’ll just let it go, I’m already planning to cancel, but honestly it’s the principle of it all that’s pissing me off. Anyone else dealing with this?

Hello everyone. My roommate and I are looking for two people to sublease our apartment for this upcoming 2024/2025 school year with the lease starting August 23rd.
Our apartment is located at 56 e Daniel St. Rent is $550/person so $1100 a month, it is a 2 bed/1 bath with pretty good and fast WIFI. Only thing we pay extra for is electricity and gas, usually 60-80 if you don’t use it too much.
The apartment is located right next to the 22N, 22S, and Navy 14 bus stop. It is also located two blocks away from green street and straight down to Kams. Parking spots are also available below the apartment and near by, cost is separate though, $650 for an open area spot and $750 for a roof top spot. Parking payments are done in two installments.
Laundry is located one building down and is completely free. The laundry room consist of 6 washers and 8 dryers so plenty of space to wash your clothes any day of the week.
I am willing to give you an apartment showing if you’d like to see it in person but I am also going to provide yall with images including the apartment template, however keep in mind the tenants do refurnish the apartments during break including fridge, stove, microwave and furniture.
Please PM me or reach out below if interested or if you’d like more information.
Thank you!

Since I started playing, I've found myself immerse in this whole world. However, I noticed that some stuff can be quite problematic.
​
1.- I find myself way too many times being overweighted by the loot I find in my trips to the unknown. I appreciate the system letting us have a stat system as SPECIAL but most recently, when I finally reached 50 and wanted to use a legendary machine gun, I found out that the perks related to it are the same as the ones related to weight simplification. So now I gotta choose between space for stuff and machine gun damage, which at this point hinders me, since I got no perks related to damage and my main gun is a modded shotgun (which perks are locked behind the strength stat as well)
2.- Enemy balancing seems good, but only if you're not wandering alone. Then, suddenly an ambush of super mutants ran you over like it's nothing 'cause they just wanted to. This relates to my first point, in which I find myself lacking severe damage that limits me to use either handguns or rifles (which I do not hold any relevant weapon nor I could make one if I wanted to because I need to find a plan).
3.- Fallout 1st, being a subscription service should not be purchasable only with IRL money. In these modern times, games have proven that paying your subscription with the in game currency is possible and engaging, even more with your premium currency (atoms). Some countries have restrictions on payments for different digital libraries such as Steam or Epic, so in order to prevent the loss of casual players, Fallout 1st could be paid with Atoms, since these are available everywhere and you can earn it with PROGRESS on the regular game.
​
Those are my main points of struggle so far. Didn't mentioned an extra point of merging same type armor to save up durability but that will be for some other time.
​
I want to hear your opinions about this. I'm a PC Windows player that just started and would love to hear suggestions.

I have around $70,000 in loans (including uncapitalized interest) with about 6 years’ PSLF payments. There are also a couple of loans of around $2,000 total that have no PSLF credit because they’re with a different provider.
I’m on the PAYE plan, and I wouldn’t meet the requirements to be placed on it now. Is there any advantage to consolidating to get the PSLF credit on the couple of additional loans? The additional loans are with ECSI, which seems to be even worse than MOHELA.
From what I understand, there’s no way for me to get back onto the PAYE plan with a consolidated loan, because I don’t meet the requirements. Is that right?

so i've been trying to get diagnosed for over a year now, and as of thursday, i have been officially diagnosed with ASD (level 2 support needs), and i am over the moon. i also received multiple other diagnoses, some of which had been hitherto unconfirmed. i wanted to share the name and website of my assessor for anyone looking to get an assessment. (i'm not getting any kind of commission or anything for referring people; i just want to share because going through the assessment was a really healing experience for me.)
the person who assessed me was dr. stephanie, who is licensed in california, washington d.c., maine, vermont, new jersey, new york, and oregon. the entire assessment was completed online. here is a link to her website: https://empoweredtogetherla.com/our-team
before working with dr. stephanie, i had previously attempted to get evaluted for autism by kaiser, which, as an adult...was hell. i was referred to a psychologist by a really nice therapist, but the psychologist refused to evaluted me for autism because i'd never had an individualized education plan when i was younger.
after researching a few different options, i had a free consultation call with dr. stephanie and decided to continue the assessment process with her because she uses a neurodiversity-affirming approach, because i felt comfortable with her, and also because she has adhd and is queer, which made me feel even more comfortable and which made it easier for me to connect with her. (i also have adhd and i am queer and trans.)
the assessment process with dr. stephanie was very thorough and she evaluated me for not just autism, but for pretty much everything. so she got a very complete picture of my life/mental health and she diagnosed me with a few other things on top of the autism, and now i feel like a lot of more things in my life make sense.
as far as payment is concerned, there is a sliding scale option for people who are struggling financially. (my mom helped me pay for my diagnosis, so i didn't qualify for the sliding scale.) there are two different payment options, and the only difference between them is that the more expensive payment option includes an extensive written report. i chose this option because i am going to apply for SSI, and social security typically likes to see a written report. the option without the written report still involves the same amount of time with her and still involves extensive feedback (she made a 104 slide powerpoint for me about my diagnoses, recommendations, and resources).
here is a link to assessment faqs, which include discussion of cost and logistics: https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5e16902a26484743f584e74b/t/657de92f8d70cc66b0e5da10/1702750511708/ETP+Adult+Assessment+Process+%28updated+12-2023%29.pdf
and here is a link to general assessment info: and here is a link specifically to the assessment info: https://empoweredtogetherla.com/psych-assessment-evaluation
if anyone has any questions about the process of being evaluated by dr. stephanie or about the process of being evaluated in general, i am happy to answer them (:

I'm seeking advice on what to do legally or otherwise.
When I was fresh out of high school my biological father forced me to sign for student loans and had the funds deposited into his account otherwise he would kick me out. For context, I was barely a legal adult at the time and had no other family or any means to survive on my own. He also took away my phone and isolated me. When I did try to leave and seek help, he forced me to stay and live there on his terms. I was scared and confused partly because although he has always been abusive and horrible, he never cared about my schooling until he learned that I wasn't going to the state school I got into or studying what he thought I was gonna study just because he mentioned it one time. Why did he think I would just blindly obey him on such an important decision when he never even wanted to discuss anything? I didn't think he would care as long that I paid rent (or more like being bled dry by him) and looked after my mom and sister. So I was completely blindsided by his outrage and wasn't sure what to do. He had already taken all the money I earned as a minor so I didn't even have any saving to even survive temporarily. I also initially wanted to stay at home and watch over my weak mother and young sister (2 yr old at the time) cause I didn't trust him with them. Thus, I decided to attend community college for a few years and transfer later for the major I wanted. He turned into a complete tyrant due to this and tried to take control of my academic career, sabotaged my plan to transfer, continued to take huge chunks of my income when I started working part-time, took my student loan money and used it to invest for his own gain.
I eventually managed to regain control of my finances and successfully transferred to a 4-year university. However, I now have these debts that I didn't see a dime of and I'm not sure what I can do legally to make him pay back the money he took out under my name. I've asked him many times to pay back these loans but he keeps refusing and pushing it back to the due date. It's now past the due date and I have no other choice but making payments myself or it would start to affect my credits. Is there anything I can do? Do I have any legal stand on this when I did sign it?