Puisi good morning

Hi all! This will be a very long post, but I hope it will be an invaluable resource in parrot care for anyone who is either considering getting a bird or has one already. I am NOT an expert and all provided information I have cited below for your viewing leisure; these are simply tips and educational content I've amassed over months of dedicated research and cobbled together in one convenient package. I will continue to update or make amends to this post as necessary and encourage insights from others so we can all do the very best for our feathered companions as possible. Particularly, I encourage anyone struggling with parrot behavioral issues to read what I am about to write lest it provides you with any answers.
(I should mention that there will always be exceptions to some of the broad generalizations elucidated here: for example, you might have a cuddly IRN despite the species' known aversiveness to touch).
With that being said, let's start by dismantling some very prevalent myths about parrot husbandry.
Myth #1: Placing your bird on your shoulder or the top of its cage will cause your parrot to think of itself as the "alpha" of the flock and thus, will encourage aggressive or dominant behavior towards the subservient human(s).
The reality is that most parrots don't operate within a hierarchal system. Any observation of a "pecking order" among flock members is more than likely individual personality differences clashing or resource-guarding behavior. However, a social dominance hierarchy has been observed in Monk parakeets. Whether this translates to height dominance is a different matter entirely, though.
Myth #2: All parrots need 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep in total darkness.
This is the myth I see peddled everywhere, and while there are some species less likely to be affected by these nocturnal habits, it can be detrimental to the welfare of others: a study showed that sleeping for more than 8 hours in 24 hours increased the likelihood that African Greys would feather pluck. Keep in mind that artificially decreasing daylight time by increasing the number of hours a parrot sleeps to ward off hormones won’t always work — in old-world parrots (cockatoos, greys) SHORTER daylight corresponds more with the breeding cycle and hormone triggers. The crux of the argument against this widely circulated fallacy is that, at best, parrots don't need 12 hours of sleep in complete darkness and at worst, it posits a significant risk factor for FDB (feather-damaging behavior). Yes, there is a 12/12 day-night cycle in the tropics, but that does not mean that parrots sleep for 12 hours straight and certainly not in what we presume must be deathly still darkness, for the wilderness is neither pitch-black nor soundless at night.
Crucial to proper parrot psychosocial functioning is the ability to ROOST before sleeping; this is when birds start to settle down, hang out with and preen one another, an activity which confers numerous benefits to their overall health, one of which may implicate lifespan longevity.
I want to take a slight detour to discuss the popularity of "sleeper cages" and how replicating parrot breeding conditions in this manner (the only time a wild bird is isolated in darkness is when caring for its young in a nesting hollow) can promote a litany of unwanted hormonal behaviors. Not all birds will be affected by this of course, but it's something to be aware of. Your best bulwark against avoiding problem behaviors associated with avian sleep hygiene is to set up a stand in your bedroom or wherever you sleep and have your bird go to sleep at the same time you do. I understand that this arrangement isn’t feasible for everyone, so do what works best for you and your bird!
Myth #3: Cockatoos are unique among parrots for their “cuddliness.”
This statement is only partially true and for all the wrong reasons. In the wild, cockatoos take UP TO A YEAR OR LONGER to wean. Cockatoo parents are highly involved in the rearing of their offspring, providing feedings and physical comfort even after the young has fledged. Contrast this with the Amazon parrot's relatively neglectful parenting practices, and you'll see why many neotropical parrot species adapt better to captivity than their old-world brethren. Many new-world species can afford to encourage early independence in their young given the (relative) abundance of resources in the regions from which they originate compared to the arid, often harsh geographical range of some of the old-world parrots like cockatoos. It stands to reason, intuitively, that it would be evolutionarily advantageous for young to enlist the support of their parents for longer to help them navigate their environment's unique challenges.
Most breeders won't keep the babies for up to a year to ensure they are ABUNDANCE-WEANED and ready for their new homes. Consequently, most, if not all, captive-bred cockatoos end up neurotic and demanding due to being deprived of adequate physical and emotional nurturance in the formative period of their development. The psychologically stunted bird’s hunger for nurturance is then reinforced, often by well-intentioned caretakers, through petting and affection which further conditions the cockatoo's excessive reliance on us to meet his or her emotional needs. Though the damage has sadly been done by this point, the best we can do is incentivize parallel and independent play/foraging to create as well-adjusted a bird as we can given the limited resources at our disposal. This is why it is important to be judicious when selecting a breeder, but ideally, adopt cockatoos from your local sanctuaries.
I'm sure most of us know to avoid stroking anywhere but your bird's head to avoid sexually frustrating them, but the truth is that PROXIMITY alone is sufficient to establish a pair bond. In the wild, only mates spend much of their time near one another while maintaining a large personal space bubble with all other members of the flock (conures, a naturally "cuddly" species, are the exception to these observations). It's best to limit close contact and use the "capture" training method to reward desirable, autonomous behavior — more on that later.
Myth #4: Biting is par for the course of bird ownership.
While it is true that as a bird owner you will, if you haven't already, get bitten at least once, if not occasionally, to suggest sustaining bites with any regularity is normal takes away the onus of responsibility we have towards evaluating our contribution to receiving that bite — at least for people new to parrot keeping. Birds in the wild rarely bite, and frequent biting indicates the bird's body language cues have been ignored or overlooked. Once that first real bite happens, it increases the likelihood of biting as that bird's preferred means of communication for all foreseeable interactions. Of course, we all have days where we're not tuned in to our birds' emotional states, and that’s okay, but outside of certain factors (i.e. rescue or adopted parrots with a history of abuse, neglect, improper weaning, or insecurity due to clipped wings) biting should not be a major issue — even during the hormonal season.
A survey (referenced below) had roughly half of the participants report no observable differences in behavior (aside from attempts to mate and associated acts) from their birds during their respective species’ breeding season. The surge of hormones merely AMPLIFIES existing problems the bird is having that either go undetected or happen sparingly enough outside of the breeding period.
Now that we’ve tackled some of the most common myths perpetuated in the parrot lovers community, I’d like to delve into some species-specific information for those curious.
Let's start with individual species' touch receptivity. Conures are the most hands-on and are recommended for anyone looking for a more handleable parrot. They have a reputation for being nippy but their affections are worth the impishness!
Australian grass parrots, Eclectus, and Asiatic parrots are (generally) hands-off species. Their wild conspecifics do NOT allopreen, so ALL touch is considered sexual to these birds. I'm sure many people here have heard that Asiatic parrots go through a "bluffing phase." This is not true. What we anthropomorphize as the bird's "teenage rebellion" is, in reality, the maturing parrot's efforts to assert their touch aversion. What parrots are willing to tolerate or enjoy as babies they might eschew entirely as adults depending on the species. I'm not saying there are no cuddly Asiatic parrots, and some will be more tolerant than others, but for the most part, they won't accept scritches as eagerly as a conure might.
Other species like Amazons, macaws, caiques, etc. fall somewhere along the middle of the continuum when it comes to touch tolerance. I believe cockatiels are affectionate, but I'm not sure. Someone who has one will have to chime in!
And here's some supplemental species-specific material:
Caiques "hand-surf" because in the wild they bathe themselves by rubbing against wet leaves.
Male Asiatic, Vasa, as well as Eclectus parrots, are unusual in the sense that the males are generally calmer and sweeter than the females.
Asiatic parrots, while less likely to bite you compared to other species (provided you respect their unwillingness to be touched), are big chewers and require a lot of wood relative to their small size.
Golden conures are reputed to be the least nippy conure though should have a companion to mitigate their higher risk for FDB.
Eclectus parrots are considered more inscrutable than other species because they communicate subtly via plumage fluorescence (they can alter how much light is reflected off their feathers to convey their emotions or intentions). The male Eclectus, like the golden conure, is prone to FDB though for different reasons. In the wild, they spend EXTENSIVE time foraging and handling food items — conditions that many people find difficult to emulate in a captive setting.
Black cockatoos, compared to white or pink 'toos, occupy more niche areas in their natural habitat and have evolved to be more frugal with their food (less likely to fling or waste food compared to other parrots).
(If you want to know more about your specific species of parrot, the Avian Avenue forum is worth perusing. They also have a detailed itinerary of household dangers for your parrot)!
Here are some quick parrot don'ts:

• Colored pellets
• Parrot cozy huts (potential for crop impaction)
• Certain clips that can catch a bird's beak in it (use Quick Links)
• Grit
• Mirrors (may cause emotional stress)
• Bird sprays that are marketed to increase feather luster (once the feathers grow out, they're all dead, so save your money. The only thing birds need for good feather condition is a quality diet and regular baths)

AVIARY SETUP & ENRICHMENT
When it comes to enrichment, aim to provide your bird with at least 4-8 hours of foraging opportunities per day. To best approximate their wild habits, you want to have them forage in the morning after waking and in the evening before sleeping.
Here are some foraging ideas:

1. Stuff brown paper lunch bags with paper, straws, and treats.
2. Buy cork stoppers in bulk from Amazon, hide treats in them, and string them up around the house (good for encouraging sedentary parrots to exercise more)!
3. Hide seeds in large dog snuffle mats to simulate ground foraging behavior for parrots whose wild counterparts naturally do so.
4. Place a stainless steel bowl of pellets inside a cardboard box to increase foraging time!
5. Some must-have indestructible options are stainless steel baffle cages and the Rings of Fortune toy.
6. My Safe Bird Store has lots of toys and toy parts for a dollar or under for more creative DIY endeavors. If you want other store recommendations, just let me know!
7. If you feel like splurging a bit, I recommend the Sockatoo, which has been helpful for plucking birds. You can make the same thing at home by cutting holes in a clean, dry sock and filling it with treats and items of your choice.

As for aviary setup and placement, you want to maximize your cage space (a combination of hanging toys and those you can clip to the sides). The WIDTH and LENGTH of the aviary matter more than the height. Position their living space in a high-traffic area but not next to an entryway or aisle where unexpected visitors will startle your bird(s). This is another risk factor for FDB. The best substrate is paper, though you can also use plexiglass or vinyl chair mats. Perches should be of different sizes and textures to prevent bumblefoot.
DIET & HORMONES
Unfortunately, there is a paucity of empirically validated research on the link between diet and hormones in parrots. Some speculate that increased protein intake stimulates hormonal behaviors because hormonal parrots gravitate toward protein-rich food sources, but then we're left to identify the direction of causality. What we do know is to avoid a high-fat, high-carbohydrate diet. It's also vitally important not to overfeed (i.e. portion control) because if birds are given too much food, they're tempted to selectively feed on their favorite pieces making it less likely they'll reap complete nutritional benefits from their meal(s). Provide 1-3 tablespoons of chop in your bird's bowl, depending on your parrot's weight. Dr. Jason Crean has a comprehensive video on parrot nutrition, which I've linked below.
I'd feed fresh chop in the AM and a pellet brand like TOP's or the Shelby/Mikey and Mia dry mix in the PM. When I asked about the sugar content of the M&M mix, I was told it's <20%, but I believe the Shelby variety has even less.
Also, for anyone who has (or is thinking of getting an Amazon), make sure they are getting orange veggies daily and feed nuts very sparingly as these parrots are prone to Vitamin A deficiency and fatty liver disease.
For hormone management, you can try avian-safe herbal teas. Keep your birds away from dark cavities, but do encourage natural behaviors for hormonal birds like cardboard shredding.
TRAINING & BEHAVIOR
I suggest holding off on training until you've established a secure bond with your bird. Target training and stationing are foundational training tenets, which can help nip a lot of behavioral issues in the bud before they become overwhelming. For example, if your bird gets territorially defensive around its perches, you can target-stick train the bird to go where you want it to go and reward desired actions. Keep ABC in mind — antecedent, behavior, consequence. I’ve linked a more comprehensive article on how to implement these behavioral training techniques into your daily bird routine. It discusses everything from making sure desirable behaviors don't become extinct over time (offering treats to a bird playing quietly and independently with its toys) to capturing other behaviors without having to issue commands all the time (giving a treat to a bird lifting its wings and cueing with a clicker).
Freedom of choice and agency are VERY important for avian welfare, so employ a permission-based training approach (courtesy of Bird Tricks) to human-bird interactions. Pamela Clark also has a great segment on what she calls progressive parrot keeping, so if that's something you're interested in, I've linked all these resources below!
I probably could have trimmed the fat off this post, but I didn’t want to overlook anything. If you have any questions or anything to add, please do so. Thank you for reading, and I hope this was a helpful resource :)
Sources:
https://naturalencounters.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Understanding_Parrot_Behavior_Naturally-Steve_Martin.pdf
https://bioone.org/journals/the-auk/volume-131/issue-4/AUK-14-14.1/The-socioecology-of-Monk-Parakeets--Insights-into-parrot-social/10.1642/AUK-14-14.1.full
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8279392/
https://blogpamelaclarkonline.com/2019/08/14/the-inconvenient-truth-about-cockatoos/
https://youtu.be/OCaboAUYQ2g?si=FEURWr1pSLfeFe4s
https://youtu.be/rZ4sGh6NGK8?si=DidNWTikZw2CVxvB
https://youtu.be/xP9tpQWBw0U?si=jskNxrY6BpX-Mgub
https://youtu.be/xs1L49yFryQ?si=KdOKeRGndcsUWstq
https://www.birdhealth.com.au/research-wild-diet
https://www.birdhealth.com.au/cockatoos
https://youtu.be/wPZkqALzfus?si=mwqHKc3sw1j_Incw
https://youtu.be/Wabzu68btg0?si=X30ZnLstxZlvyJRR
https://youtu.be/KrCHKyKD484?si=uxBL8zKqyfz6_2mi
https://youtu.be/aslyqWWRlck?si=ky2dYxrql5hXCGBS
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-020-76572-7
https://www.parrots.org/pdfs/all_about_parrots/reference_library/behaviour_and_environmental_enrichment/The%20ABCs%20of%20Behaviour.pdf
https://blogpamelaclarkonline.com/tag/feather-picking/

Apologies as this is probably going to be a long entry.
Earlier this year I started a new job in the police, to do this I left another job in the prison service where I was doing well. This was a position which my girlfriend told me to apply for as it was where she worked and was more money. I accepted, applied and got the job. She appeared really happy that I got the job and it was supposed to be our way out of my mum's house where we both lived.
On the evening of my second shift I had to stay up to the early hours of the morning to pick up my girlfriend. She had to stay late as she was having some serious issues with her mental health including self harm and suicidal thoughts. I have been supportive of this taking up extra duties in the house and doing my lions share to sort her as I always have. She told me that she stayed late to talk about previous traumas. She told me about them when I picked her up and I stayed up to talk to her to make sure she was ok. We had a really good talk where I was supportive and said we would get through it together and I'll do what I can to make life easier. I woke up and went to work and when I finished I was walking to the gate and 3 detectives asked me to follow them and took me to the gate where everyone was leaving took my eppilettes and badge and informed me that I was under arrest for an alleged assault on my girlfriend.
Just for context I would never lay a hand on a woman especially not in anger or frustration, I know the second you lose your temper you lose the argument so if anything ever started feeling heated I would leave so we both had time to cool down and have a proper conversation.
I was very confused however pressumed they had mistaken me with an ex-boyfriend who I know had assaulted her and she was talking to her manager about it. Because of this I wasnt to worried as I knew I had never done anything that was even close to assault, I'm not saying we were perfect , we argued but it was always verbal (at least from my end) and always came to a reasonable end. We never lost our temper with each other.
When I got to the station they said that she had said that I slapped her once outside a bar, I was shocked by this and when they said it was 9 months ago I knew they hadn't mistaken me for her ex as we were together for four years by this point. I was placed in prison Grey's and put in a cell then interviewed. They released me on bail with conditions not to contact her and they took my phone for evidence incase I had messaged anyone admitting that I slapped her. I need to stress at this point that THIS NEVER HAPPENED.
The case was classed as a no further action after a month of pointless attempts to crack my phone and trying to persuade myself and my girlfriend to give them the pin which I refused to do without being told by the court that I had to. As a result of this whole incident I lost my job in the police and cannot reapply as now I have an arrest on my record. My life fell apart as a result of this whole thing and now my degree in policing and criminal investigation seams like a complete waste. Any jobs I want and suit are in public service or military and this throws a massive spanner in the works.
When I first saw her we went through everything that had happend and why she said it. She said that we were playing about and that I had tapped her face which she found disrespectfu but that she never meant that she wanted police involvement as she had kicked me first. Again this had never happend. I have spoken to many police officers and staff that I know who have said that it sounds suspicious and that they had absolutely no reason to arrest me if what my girlfriend had told me was true. When I said this and said would she get the transcript of what was said as it was a recorded session she said "what if I have remembered wrong" this shook me to my core as it strikes me as she has said more than what she told me. She had also changed her story about when and what happened.
As a result of this whole thing I have lost loads of trust, money, motivation and I'd be lying if I hadnt suffered some darker thoughts such as driving my car into a wall at 100mph. I was looked at by people I didn't know as a wife bearer and it made me sick. To top it off she got everything she wanted as she wanted to move out but financially we couldn't save money for a house and we would also be leaving my mum in the shit if we left as we payed all the bills. To avoid this I let her stay at my mum's and I slept in my car so she was close to work and could continue her way of life. However she decided she knew best and got an appartment which we now both live in and I can't afford. She's also saying that she's more confident now and showed me messages of guys who are trying to get in her pants. Meanwhile I have gone from being confident and strong to being a complete shell of my former self. And she didn't want to take any responsibility for any of it. She also told me that she had my back and told the manager that reported me to the police that she was upset with her however looking at the messages to her manager she was nothing but friendly with her.
My head's fucked, I feel betrayed, small, insignificant and like everything that happend to me just didn't matter to her. I don't know what to do, I'm trying to get my head right by going back to the gym but my motivation is shot. I don't know if I can trust her anymore and I feel bitter and resentful. What do I do to start feeling better and should I confront her about what I've gone through because of her bullshit story or should I just leave. I want to make it work as this is the only bad thing in our relationship. But it's fucking written me off and I don't know how I can get past it. I appreciate any advice or guidance to help me get past this portion of my life.

Hi there - Ugh.
I'm emotional just writing this. I was with this man for nearly 5 months now, and things just ended.
Backstory (and yes, I know - the FLAGS). He ended a relationship with a live in GF of 7 years in September. We met Jan 1 following, and he assured me, he's ready to date - the relationship was long over and when probed about how I could know he's over his relationship he states "There's nothing I can say that will make this clearer, you'll just have to see for yourself."
5 months go by, things are good - we take a few trips together, and yes, his ex comes up, but it's reasonable and rational comments, he's clear in telling me he's still grieving, and that he's interested to see where this goes, but needs to go slow. He's being a great prospective partner - deep chats, romance, plans with me in the nearer future - so I am patient.
These past few weeks, I'm getting a little antsy - wanting the "where is this going, am I wasting my time with you?" - first chat, he's open clear, wants to continue dating but has a lot of his own stuff to process. Against my better judgement (and after some good wine...) - I bring it up again when we meet in person this past weekend, being clear about what I'm looking for - long term plans. guys...homie upped and walked out. He said he can't give me what I wanted and that he should know after 5 months... and then leaves! We agreed to chat in a few days and left it at that.
We had not chatted yet, but looked this morning and homie unmatched me on the dating app. My heart is stung - we have a plan to chat on Thursday. I am struggling - I want him, but I also want to be strong enough to want what wants me back. Help...

My girlfriend tried manipulating me and forcing me into having a threesome with her friend
Wow. Just- wow. I honestly didn’t think any1 would read this, I was hoping for 2-3 people just giving advice. A lot more than I had expected read it and commented with advice. Some of it was a lil rude lmao. Which is fine because I think I needed to hear people say I’m dumb or an idiot. Despite what u think I’m not delusional, I’m aware that it’s ridiculous, I just haven’t been able to bring myself to leave. That might be delusional but idk. Gonna respond to comments and then say what my plan is. A couple comments stood out to me. The 1st 1 I read when I woke up this morning was “when did god say it wasn’t ok for 3somes but okay for premarital sex” good question, and honestly my plan when I became a Christian again was to stop premarital sex all around. Obviously I’ve kinda failed at that because it is hard, however I’ve made some great progress in that battle recently. Another comment said that they’ve been hooking up behind my back. Though it seems like the were. They haven’t. I’ve been to Liz house many times and her parents never even let me go to her room, we had to stay in the living room everytime. On top of that I have always had Mary’s location even when we broke up, I even have access to her ring camera so I know who came and when. That was a stipulation when I found out she was cheating the 1st time. Last comment I wanna respond too is 1 that said “she’s prob the prettiest girl you’ve ever been with and 1st love stuff” yea, she’s the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen in real life and to this day. She’s drop dead gorgeous and Ik for a fact I couldn’t do better. Koreans man, gotta go with em. She’s also not my 1st love. I had a gf back in sophomore year and half of junior year that I dated that I was in love with. Lookin back I’m not sure why cuz she’s not v attractive. We broke up because of long distance after she moved away. Side note she just got married so good for her. My plan going forward is to have a talk with Mary about her relationship with Liz. Im gonna give her the chance to completely cut it off and move on. I know she went behind my back 3 times. But it seems that Liz is just her kryptonite, and I get why cuz she’s rlly hot and amazing n bed but not rlly gf/wifey material. Ig I don’t rlly know cuz I thought Mary was gf/wifey material. I’m gonna add some xtra stipulations into the mix. I have some in mind like asking for logins and passwords for everything. I know u may think I need to move on. But this girl is like someone you’ve never met. Whenever it’s good it’s great. I can still remember a time when she was amazing and my best friend and I’m jus trying to get back To that. I’ll have an update either tmr or a couple days later. Also a side note. I’m moving to riverside California in the summer. So if all goes wrong that could be my out bcuz quite frankly idk if I have the balls to end it. Some might not respect me and that’s fine but I went though my hoe phase and treated woman like shit, when I found Mary I knew I only ever wanted to be with her. Thank you for the comments even the rude 1s. I hope u get to read all of this and wait for me to update.

a lot of context for this one, sorry in advance lmao strap in if you choose to read. my (22M) ex-girlfriend (23F) broke up with me about a month ago, after we met about 5 months prior and dated for 3. I know that from the time frame it probably seems a little unserious, but i am NOT a people person, when people try to introduce themselves to me i literally run away, and i don’t do relationships. i don’t get caught up in feelings for people, and it doesn’t take a lot to push me away. until i met her. genuinely, she is the only person i have ever met that i could and would do literally anything with and still have the time of my life. things were going amazing, or so i thought, until one day out of the blue we went from texting literally all day to barely talking anymore. i hadn’t heard from her all day and i was worried so i called and texted a few times, asking if we were okay or if there was anything she wanted/needed to talk to me about. she answered the next day, we met up to talk, and she told me that our relationship put too much pressure on her to live up to my expectations. mind you, this is the first time we had ever even had an issue. she said that she decided she couldn’t handle it right now, but that she wanted to stay friends if i did too. like i said, not a people person, so i thought “i can handle a breakup, but not losing the only person i actually like hanging out with” and agreed. we didn’t talk for a few days, but then we started texting like a lot again and started hanging out again and have been consistently for the last month. where it gets confusing is the long list of mixed signals im about to run through. like when one day i get a good morning text and she asks to make plans and whatnot, and the next it feels like i’m being annoying everytime i text her. i was going on a vacation with her and her family over the summer, and when we broke up i assumed i obviously wouldn’t be going, but she held onto my ticket (instead of refunding it) and told me after we started to hang out again that they still had it and she really really wanted me to come still. so now i’m going on a week long trip with my ex and her family, where there’s gonna be lots of drinking, which is kinda terrifying because everytime we drink she acts like flirty towards me and like we’re more than just friends. like last week i went to dinner with just her and her parents, we all got drunk and i had to stay at their house since i drove there, and i offered to sleep in the spare room like 8 times and she said no and fell asleep in my arms. i know she’s not like trying to pull one over on me or whatever, she’s a strong person and not the type to keep me in her life unless she actually wants me there, and also not the type who usually seeks physical attention like that. at this point i’m okay with whatever, friends or more i don’t care, i just don’t understand anything that’s happening. most of the time when we hang out it feels like it did before we started dating, when it was obvious we were both into each other, but because she was the one to end things i feel like it would be disrespectful to flirt any more than i already am trying to. i just don’t know if i’m supposed to just be her friend or if she’s waiting for me to respond to one of those mixed signals. she is fully aware of my feelings, i made it clear a few times, so even if there’s no intentions from her end she still has to know what she is doing. we leave for vacation in two weeks, and i wanna talk to her about it but i don’t wanna make anything awkward on the trip. im also fully aware im too delusional and blindsided by my own feelings for her which is why i desperately would like some outside perspective. if anyone has ideas or thoughts or advice they’d all be greatly appreciated :/ even if you’re just guessing at motivations, you can see clearer than i lmfao

Background: Me (26F) and my husband (26M) are having a bit of a dispute and I want some advice. My father in law (fil) and his wife is going on holiday to Portugal to visit my husbands grandma, see his farm etc very soon. He’s been desperate to take our 4 year old daughter to show her Portugal as she’s never been. I’ve already said no for over a year because I don’t want to be away from her for that distance for me it’s just too far away, especially as we don’t drive and don’t have a lot of money to get there ourselves if anything happened. Well fil has finally annoyed my husband enough who had also been saying no til now and he’s caving going okay fine I had fun as a child on holiday with his dad so we should let our daughter go to have that fun.
The issue: For me I already feel uncomfortable with the idea of her going abroad without me or my husband. Neither of us have annual leave to be able to go with her and we won’t get new annual leave til January 2025. So we can’t go, I feel nervous her being so far away. She stays with fil and his wife loads but they’re only 40 minutes down the road although we only recently moved, before that we were practically neighbours, her school was quite literally the building next to our apartment so she’s always been close and again she’s 4 years old. In total between where we are and travel time to where they’ll be excluding any delays and the waiting times so literally just travel time is 5 hours so like closer to a good 7 hours plus it being abroad between us and her and a lot of money it won’t be easy nor fast for us to get over there.
My fil wants to take her for 3 weeks. Well he started with 1 week, now wants 3 weeks, then let it slip he wanted 2 months. I have firmly put my foot down and said absolutely not 7 days including flying days are what I will allow. I’d rather not allow it at all but my husbands on his side saying I’m being selfish that I’m taking away fun for her etc that he was okay as a child (but he was around 7/8 years old btw when he first went on these extended holidays, also he has a terrible relationship with his mother as no contact so for her she really didn’t care all that much) and that basically I’m being pointlessly difficult and will make problems for him (as he has to stay at his dads house a few nights a week because of his job being in our old town only offering hybrid and his dad is unbelievably annoying and stubborn and will just moan about it constantly basically) by me saying 7 days. I’ve said I’m happy to tell him myself and take full responsibility for the 7 days timeframe.
But my husband is pissed that I won’t budge on the 7 days, saying that fil will never accept that, to be able to do the things he wants to do he can’t do it all in a week. He thinks I’m just being an ass for just the sake of being an ass basically and that I’m unjustifiably against 3 weeks which husband has decided is okay out of nowhere. Fil is a safe person I trust him but she’s going to a country she doesn’t know the language to and again way too far away for my comfort. I wouldn’t agree to my own dad taking my daughters abroad so it doesn’t matter who is asking for me it feels unnatural for her to be so far away. Also if we could drive and had more money I’d feel better so that if something happened we could make a quick exit and get to her asap, I’d also feel better if this has happened lots more often but this is her first ever holiday and first time flying so I’m nervous about how she will cope as she is a very anxious child and has delays in learning, communicating and speech already and that’s in her first language. It was only a couple months ago a dr said they feel she may have asd because of said delays but needs to do more investigative work first.
So her age, her current speech in her native language let alone if she got lost or in trouble abroad, her delays, she’s just recovering from a gut infection, her being her first holiday and first flight I just really worry her going at all that’s why I offered 7 days including flying day as a compromise to please husband and fil.
I’ve said if he gets early morning flights like 6am land around 8/9ish they have a whole day in Porto to do things, his grandma (where they’d stay) is a couple hours away everything from his grandma is around 30 minute drive. They want to take her to their farm and to three towns. For me 7 days is plenty of time especially if they get a late afternoon or evening flight home on the 7th day.
I have said as she gets older and I feel more confident about it as does she then she can go for longer but this is first time and I don’t want her going at all so I’m trying to compromise on 7 days including flying days.
Idk I can’t seem to shake this
AITAH and being unreasonable by saying 7 days no more?

Good morning all,
I’m currently building a house in an area that is still copper, though I believe the NBN pit is only about 100 meters from my property. I’m pretty close to the cabling install and rather than have an NBN tech screw conduit all over my house, I figured it might be smart to get on the front foot and throw a fibre cable in during construction.
I do have a few questions that I’m struggling to find formal answers to on Google:

1. Given that this address will have copper running to the house, can the house connect to this on fibre or do I need to run a cat 6 cable too for the meantime?
   
2. Do I have to legally run conduit or can I just run the fibre through the cavity like electrical cable?
   

Thanks in advance.

I [30M] recently moved back in with my parents to save money for a house in SoCal (average homes in this area are $1.3 million). I actually own my parent’s home at this point due to their serious debt issues, and work for one of the most prestigious companies in the world, so this isn’t exactly a case of “loser son moves back in with parents”.
My nMom has serious boundary issues and insisted on having no lock on my bedroom door as a child so she could walk in at any moment unannounced. Prior to moving back in, I had a very serious talk with her about entering my room without my approval. She did begin in the first week by knocking, but has been testing the boundaries recently and even walked in on my girlfriend and I a couple times while we were in bed.
This morning, I slept in late after getting approval from my boss to take the day off and she opened my door around 9:30AM, waking me up and said:
Mom: “why aren’t you up yet?!”
Me: “I’m tired and taking today off work.” (I was exhausted after the move)
Mom: “That’s not a good excuse. Get up, I’ll get your coffee started.”
I then enter the kitchen to sternly confront her about opening my door again and that whether or not I’m at work is none of her business…. She wanted none of it. She completely interrupted me and talked over me. I could feel her getting more irritated as she said my childhood name in a stern tone as a parent talks to a child and said:
“Johnny…. I needed to make sure you weren’t dead.”
Flabbergasted and angry, I told her she was being absolutely ridiculous and that I’m going to install a lock on my door as soon as possible.
She told me it’s not ridiculous and that she “has to make sure your father isn’t dead all the time.” I told her that’s some elite level manipulation.

Hey guys, I am starting week 4. I am past all the side effects. My sleep is amazing. I wake up at 5:30am every morning not matter if I fall asleep at 8pm or 1am and I wake up with enough energy to bike to the gym every morning.
I am 5” 6’ and I started at 230lbs and I’m down to 220lbs! I feel amazing! I have noticed that on week 3 I did not loose any weight, on the contrary I fluctuate between a 1-2 pounds gain throughout the week. Have any of you guys experienced this?
I think that I am going to start measuring my self and base my progress from that because I feel good and if the scale is not reflecting my progress maybe there is another way that I can track it. What are you guys doing to track your progress?

I (m 23) have been spending some time with my grandfather recently. The dude is more chill than I remember and I figured I would spend some of the summer with him.
I showed him YouTube recently and he has been fascinated with the ability to just pick and chose to watch short clips at will.
This morning at we were having breakfast he has if he can use my laptop for some YouTube. I told him it's all good and just handed him my laptop.
He opened it and the first words out of his mouth were "oh fuck". I have actually never heard him swear before and then he turns to me and says "is this your new girlfriend?"
He hands me the laptop and it's the gif of this girl I was looking at late last night. I was pretty embarrassed but he seemed chill about it haha.
Not sure if it's really a fuck up but just got me thinking. Wonder what went through his mind when he first saw it.
For context
TL;DR - Grandpa asked to use my laptop but I forgot to close out of a gif I was looking at

Reflecting on 2021, truly marked the zenith of my young career. The pandemic was coming to an end, I was fresh from the hallowed halls of a prestigious but unheralded college, thrust into the corporate labyrinth where, as a mere sidekick to the big shots, I contributed to a deal of record-breaking magnitude. My modest corporate minion life was exaggerated into legend by my professors during an alumni reunion, leading to a rather embarrassing episode where I was paraded around as the poster child of their education career’s success. My parents, not ones to shy away from a bit of pomp, lauded my achievements to anyone within earshot.
But as 2022 unfurled its chaos with the epidemic, my professional life spiralled downwards as swiftly as it had risen. I was laid off, and replaced by a nepotistic hire—my boss's new mistress's nephew. During my dismal final days, my colleagues, once comrades became corporate sharks, whispers of them scheming to claim my last efforts as their own filled the empty office spaces.
Compelled by financial duress to abandon my central city dwelling, I relocated to the outskirts with two college mates, Jaz and Kath, who had similarly found themselves victims of the economic downturn. We settled into apartment 606, a unit with dubious charm, suspiciously affordable on the 13th floor of a dreary building, its corridor haunted by a flickering sensor light that was only designed to function on rare occasions. Yet, the apartment itself was surprisingly very well furnished, almost like something that jumped out from a design mag, out beating sample rooms in Ikea, boasting a spacious balcony, a living room ready for an impromptu soirée, a dining table that’s good enough to hold a banquet(became our co-working space) and a kitchen isle that became our sanctuary and curse.
When we first settled into our new abode, we discovered a trove of fine kitchen utensils, perfect for whipping up sophisticated cuisine and crafting cocktails worthy of a swanky soirée. Tucked away in the fridge, among the remnants of the previous tenants' life, was a quaint note: “The three of us really enjoyed our stay here, especially our meals and nights spent by the kitchen island. We hope you find as much joy in it as we did. Use it well.” With a casual flick of my wrist, I dismissed the note into the garbage can, oblivious to the depth of its seemingly innocuous message. Little did I know, that piece of paper was more a passing of the torch than a simple goodbye.
Our initial days in apartment 606 brimmed with camaraderie and impromptu celebrations: movie nights sprawled on the living room sofas, barbeque dinners under the stars on our balcony, and co-working sessions at the dining table, peppered with resume tweaks and contemplative conversations over cocktails. We even scored a second-hand karaoke machine, allowing me to channel my inner diva—a throwback to my musical theatre days in college and my stint as the voice of corporate presentations and negotiations at my previous job, where I was known for my resonant yet finely tuned voice.
Yet, as the months wore on and the job market remained unyielding, our early merriment slowly surrendered to a creeping anxiety. The kitchen island, once the heart of our home where laughter and shared meals flowed freely, gradually morphed into the epicenter of our collective unease, bearing silent witness to the quiet desperation settling over us.
One evening, in the suspiciously affordable yet stylish apartment, I sank into the sofa, my spirits dampened by my favorite team's disheartening loss. The mood was grim, mirroring my fears of my beloved player's potential retirement at season's end. Later, as we congregated around the kitchen island for dinner, I transformed into an impromptu sports commentator, passionately preaching about the game’s disappointing details that led to failure and my favorite player’s fine qualities. Meanwhile, Jaz updated us on a friend's melodramatic breakup, with guesses that something ugly must have happened behind the scenes. Kath, ever the culinary enthusiast, not only served up her delicious pasta but also dished out the latest celebrity gossip, each tidbit as spicy as her sauce.
The next day, during a late breakfast at the same kitchen island—our unwitting oracle—we were hit by a triple whammy of reality checks. The news of my favorite player's retirement broke, echoing my gloomy predictions from the night before. Jaz chimed in with an update that our friend had uncovered a cheating scandal worthy of its own reality TV special. And Kath, never one to be left out of the drama: her favorite celebrity was now the star of a scandal.
By the third morning, as we sipped our coffee, the newspaper slapped me with another bizarre twist. I was going through the devastating economics and politics sections, then I saw the sports section——featured an irate coach, hell-bent on convincing my favorite player to dismiss retirement plans and keep his jersey on a little longer. Meanwhile, Jaz had good news for a change: it turned out our friend's love story might have a second act after all, as misunderstandings were being cleared up. Amidst these revelations, Kath, who had been grumbling about the nearby supermarket’s inability to stock anything remotely gourmet, and hadn’t had a taste of her favorite Blue Mountain coffee since the beginning of that year, triumphantly found a can of Blue Mountain coffee, and it was on sale and therefore affordable—proof that miracles happen, and sometimes they even go on discount.
As I sat there, absorbing the serendipity of our discussions manifesting into real-world events, I couldn't help but marvel at the mysterious knack of our kitchen island. Was it merely a coincidence, or had this stylish piece of decor become the unlikely conductor of our lives symphony? One thing was certain: life in apartment 606 was never dull, and our kitchen island seemed to be more than just a place to eat—it was a place where, apparently, you could stir the pot of fate.
I decided to conduct a whimsical experiment with our now seemingly magical kitchen island. Clearing my throat theatrically, I declared, "I should be interviewed for a director position." To my sheer astonishment, the next day a headhunter rang me up, claiming I was the ideal candidate for a directorial role at a prestigious corporation in my field. Despite the other candidates possessing decades more experience which defeated me with no effort, and my own lingering self-doubt from months of unemployment, I sailed to the final interview round with the company's executives.
Upon returning to our apartment, I found Kath flaunting a chic dress from a designer brand brand she’d snagged on clearance—a little luxury courtesy of our wish-granting island. Inspired, I approached the island and cheekily requested, "Get us jobs. Something fun." Lo and behold, the following day was spent lounging and binge-watching Netflix, only to be interrupted by a call from a former bigwig at my old job. He was venturing into a more illustrious company and wanted me onboard. The informal chat that followed was a breeze, and just like that, I was back in the game with a fancier title and a fatter paycheck.
The subsequent week was a flurry of celebrations. Jaz secured a senior-level position, and Kath landed her dream job at an influencer management agency. Feeling triumphant, we decided to indulge in a night of fine dining—our first in months. That Friday evening when I went from office to restaurant, on a whim, stopped at a convenience store to grab snacks and cigarettes for our post-dinner revelry. Outside, I encountered a homeless person. After offering him a sandwich (which he traded for a cigarette instead), he took a drag, peered into my eyes, and ominously muttered, “Look, young lady, this isn’t my business, but be wary of what you wish for; everything comes with a price. Good luck and god bless you.”
His words barely registered until later that evening when a mishap occurred that seemed to underline his warning. As we enjoyed syphon coffee post-dinner, a barista accidentally tripped over Kath’s flowing dress. The resulting spill left her with first-degree burns, abruptly ending our night as we rushed to the emergency room. Though it was "just" a first-degree burn, the pain was significant enough to require several days off for Kath’s recovery. Amid the drama, I couldn't help but wonder about the cryptic caution from the man outside the store—had our fortunate streak come with a hidden cost?
We chalked up the coffee calamity to bad luck. The next month flowed smoothly: Kath's fingers healed, she returned to work, and I quickly found my groove at the new job. With all of us gainfully employed, our communal meals at the kitchen island became rare. My mornings were a whirlwind of grabbing breakfast and coffee on the go, followed by an hour's commute to a job that had me scarfing down instant noodles by nightfall, just in time for a quick shower.
As the busy season kicked in, my workload ballooned—not just from the seasonal uptick, but because I was hell-bent on proving my mettle. I quickly outshone most of my peers, and my employer, recognizing a budding overachiever, piled on major tasks, which I eagerly accepted. What started as the occasional hour of overtime soon devoured my weekends. Unpaid overtime, as the fine print in my contract gleefully noted, became my new norm. Driven by a mix of ambition and expectation, I had become the go-to young hotshot, the erstwhile record-breaker now expected to continually outdo myself.
Mentally, I was too swamped to entertain thoughts of anything beyond work, which, in a twisted way, felt like a break. Physically, however, the strain began to show. A bout of flu caught on a business trip escalated into a fever. Sick as I was, deadlines waited for no one, and I soldiered on medicated and miserable. By the time I made it home, my voice had abandoned me. Unable to utter a word the next morning, I resorted to emailing my manager about my sorry state.
That week, robbed of my voice, I mused that it was perhaps a well-deserved hiatus for my overworked vocal cords—a silent retreat if you will. But when my voice did return, it was as a raspy whisper, a shadow of its former crisp and melodious timbre. My doctor offered a grim prognosis: slight improvement might come, but the golden tones were gone for good—scarred by the relentless grind. Ah, the price of ambition—a scratchy throat as a permanent reminder of my corporate conquests.
It seemed I had unwittingly exchanged the clarity of my voice for the tumult of career success. In the midst of our domestic enchantment with the possibly mystical kitchen island, Kath unearthed the contact of a reputed psychic, hailed as the finest in the land. However, the consultation fee was nothing short of princely, and with Jaz vehemently dismissing anything that couldn't be explained by cold, hard science, she promptly opted out of splitting the bill. Kath and I, unwilling to drain our wallets on what could be mere phantasmagoria, reluctantly let the opportunity pass.
Meanwhile, I couldn’t help but notice a curious change in Jaz’s routine. She had ceased dining at the kitchen island, avoiding it as if it were cursed—or perhaps, in her view, simply out of style. The Saturday morning brought a particularly harsh twist: a murder of crows took to spiralling above our balcony, their cries as sharp as the plot of a Poe novel. We found ourselves drawn to the infamous kitchen island, lined up like the cast of a macabre play, silently praying for the birds to disperse. Kath, ever trying to restore some semblance of normalcy, offered up cups of Blue Mountain coffee. She absentmindedly inquired if I wanted cream or sugar in mine—a blunder that made me realize just how long it had been since our last coffee klatch at this very spot. My inner monologue couldn't resist a dark wish for the crows to scatter, perhaps too dark, for they began to dive bomb our balcony in a feathery kamikaze. The spectacle was enough to knock Jaz off her feet—literally—as her mug met its end on the floor. Kath, meanwhile, made a hasty retreat to worship the porcelain god, and I sat frozen, my brain offline, pondering the twisted power of our kitchen island's apparent wish-granting.
After the unnerving spectacle of crows turning our balcony into a scene straight out of a Hitchcock film, our first rational step—post-collective fainting, of course—was to summon cleaners to manage the feathery carnage. Then, still rattled but increasingly curious, we visited a psychic, who, contrary to the crystal-ball-gazer image, operated out of a posh boutique in a high-end mall and dressed more like she was headed to a fashion show than a séance. We laid bare our saga of the seemingly cursed kitchen island, complete with photographic evidence of where domestic bliss meets eerie phenomena.
The psychic introduced a term that chilled the air around us: “limbo,” the threshold between our world and the otherworldly, and she dubbed our kitchen island the "Devil’s Bargain Counter." According to her, our wishes came with a heavy and unpredictable price, because we have accidentally started trades with beings from the netherworld. Her advice was disarmingly simple: cease all trades on the island. To address the repercussions of past wishes, she advised us the first line of defence, which was an eclectic mix of offerings laid out on our cursed countertop: raw meat(rooster works the best), a cocktail of spices(coca and cinnamon preferably), liberal splashes of spirits(whiskey and rum ideally), and an eerie bouquet of black flowers(luckily I found some black roses at a flower shop of the mall). In a grander gesture of appeasement, Kath relinquished her shiny new diamond bracelet, Jaz her absurdly expensive headphones, and I parted with cash—— a hefty slice of my bonus in hopes of placating whatever capricious spirits we'd angered.
Our return to normalcy was brief but sweet, prompting us to plan a getaway, eager to forget about our nefarious kitchen island. Yet, the respite was merely a tease. Jaz, in a stroke of spectacular misfortune, narrowly dodged disaster twice in one day—first nearly becoming subway track fodder on her way back after work, and then almost getting knocked out by a rogue plant at our apartment building’s doorstep. Clearly, our previous offerings were mere appetizers to whatever forces we'd stirred. The psychic, summoned once again to our now-dubious sanctuary, decreed that the spirits had developed rather expensive tastes, unsatisfied by our initial gestures.
In a desperate bid for closure, we had the psychic over for a nighttime ritual, timed perfectly with Earth's closest approach to the netherworld, according to her. Our living room turned into a ritual chamber, with windows blacked out for days, to keep the otherworldly dealings strictly nocturnal. That night, we arranged ourselves around the island, now less a kitchen fixture and more an altar of last resort.
The psychic, amidst a chorus of Latin incantations, directed us through a chilling séance that included a mirror that reflected nothing but darkness and a burning black candle, the three of us sat in a row, joined hands, eyes closed. When the black candle was flickering at its last, the first eerie scratches heard prompted our eyes to open prematurely, we saw a command appear on the island, written by invisible hand and pen, in blood-red script, urging us to find the next "succeeder" before our lease on otherworldly disturbances could be terminated.
With bated breath, we agreed, and as if by magic, our signatures materialized on the countertop, then faded as the candle sputtered out. We tore off the black cardboard taped on the windows at dawn, the sunrise revealed a final message etched into the surface: "Debt cleared." As the daylight grew, the ominous inscription dissolved into nothingness, signalling the end of our spectral saga.
The ordeal, now officially behind us, left us enjoying a semblance of normalcy: life in 606 returned to its mundane rhythm, with dinners and movie nights back on our social calendar. Though not without its scars—literal and figurative.
It’s been two years since then, Jaz, in the throes of romantic bliss, is now gearing up for a new chapter waiting to be written alongside her soon-to-be spouse; Kath, her career finally taking a lucrative turn, was poised to upgrade her living situation, she secured a lease on a lavish serviced apartment in the city center—a place that matched her newfound financial swagger.
I’m not without my own leaps forward. With a modest boost from my parents, I took the plunge into homeownership, snagging a property within the city’s vibrant confines. The process was a whirlwind of paperwork and decorating decisions, culminating in a space I could truly call my own.
As we are packing up now, my last act is to type out our story, at the infamous island, and of course, I left a note in the fridge for the next tenants:
"Welcome to 606. We had a wonderful time here, especially at the kitchen island, filled with joy and unforgettable moments. We hope you find as much happiness as we did. Use the isle well. Warm wishes, the previous tenants."

So a little back story, i met this girl for the first time a few days ago, went for drinks, and we hooked up. We hadn't talked about what we were planning for but she told me I never really asked her out. So i did and she invited me over to her place for some pasta as she had a long work day.
So as she doesn't drink and loves dark chocolate, I took some chocolates as my culture taught me that when ever you're visiting someone carry something nice, and she completely ignores it and gives it back because she doesn't want any chocolates today, maybe some other day. So onto the date, we start talking and immediately she mentions that we're on the second date because her friend thought I was nice and she should give me a second chance. That kinda bummed me off but I let it slide because I thought it was a joke ( it wasn't ). And then we decided to make some pasta and watch a movie, but all along she did was scroll her IG, check up on some work or text her girl friends. I'm someone who doesn't like checking up on phone when I'm around someone so it kinda felt bad. After dinner, she said let's cuddle and then you can go as i have early work day tomorrow. So yeah we cuddle and end up having sex, and she doesn't sleep at her time so while we're in bed after the sex, she mentions it's my fault if she wakes up late. I said lol I'll wake you up in the morning by giving you a call to make sure you're not late and then she tells me that I'm crossing boundaries by trying to help her and she wants to take things slow ? I mean what ? I didn't even mention anything about the future, just wanted to make sure she didn't get late for work. And I'm a morning person anyways. So yeah I got pissed and got up to wear my shoes and while wearing them she asked me for a hug and I was already tying my laces by then so I tied them and leaned in for a good bye hug and she tells me that now you're touching me after touching your shoes, now you shouldn't. And then I was completely mad and i just told her you sleep, I'll leave now. And left her house.
I don't know what she wanted from me, just a hookup, dating idk. But atleast talk about it and communicate.

Hi all.
I (35F) have been friends with "Dave" (44M) for about 8 years now. We met at work and over the years became pretty good friends. About two years ago Dave's wife left him for another guy and he was devastated. I was there with him the whole time, helped him move into his own place. We became especially close during this time, I'd visit often and we'd hang out, drink, play card games, watch shit YouTube, etc or head into town and go to gigs. When he was sick, I'd come round with a little care package and food for him. He's also been there for me when I needed some support after dealing with some trauma.
About a year ago Dave began to distance himself from me. When I finally got him to talk about it (he isn't the best at being able to actually communicate when emotions are involved) he admitted that he was conflicted about how he felt for me. He said he didn't want to date me, still wasn't over his ex (understandably). To be clear, I didn't want to date him either. It wasn't something I saw as a possibility. He said he just needed some time to sort his head out. I thanked him for his honesty and gave him space. He slowly made his way back into my life and things went back to normal, we were best buddies again.
Six months ago he left our place of work under some quite nasty circumstances. I cried when he told me, I listened when he needed to vent and I kept everything he told me in strictest confidence. On his last day I took him for a beer and asked whether we'd still be friends. He promised we would, that I meant a lot to him. And, sure enough, we continued to catch up. Mostly just through text but we did go for a beer once. Until four weeks ago.
We were in the middle of a text conversation, he was telling me about all the stuff he was doing around the house, I was telling him about a recent doctor's visit. Just chit chat. I asked if he'd like to catch up for a drink. No reply. No worries, I thought, sometimes he'll get busy (especially if he has his kids that week) and he won't reply til the next day. But then nothing. We were talking every second or third day before this point so four weeks is very unusual.
Two weeks later I sent another text like "Hey, hope you're doing good, know that you can talk to me if you need. Miss you heaps." Still nothing. I know he can tend to retreat if he's going through a hard time but never to the point where he'd outright ignore me. A day later I followed up with "Can you at least let me know if youre okay. I'm worried about you." Still. Nothing.
I tried to ring him last week, no answer. I tried again this morning, no answer.
Like, obviously I know he doesn't have to talk to me but if someone says they were worried about you would you not at least say "yeah, sorry I'm going through something, I don't want to talk about it but I'll reach out when I'm feeling better" or just ANYTHING. It's causing me so much anxiety. I wake up in the morning thinking about him.
It was just so abrupt. I want to check on him, make sure he's okay. How do I get in touch with him?
TL,DR: my buddy of eight years just suddenly stopped contacting me four weeks ago, when at the time we had been in regular (near daily) contact. I'm worried about him but don't know what to do to check on him.

I’ll start this off where it’s relevant. Me and my partner were looking to buy a house and when we found the one we wanted of course my mom wanted to do a walk through with us. So we did the walk through and she thought it was nice and even joked about the basement being all set up for a mother in-law suite. To which my husband replied we don’t have any intention of renting it out and we don’t know if we will need that space yet.
Later I was at her house visiting getting some help doing out taxes and she was on the phone then asked my about giving her landlord notice. I was busy I didn’t really hear her or know what she was asking and just said “ya ya, give me a minute.” And she walked away and I figured she’d ask me again after think it was about lunch or something. She never brought it up again but we had talked about it in the past and I always told her the same thing my husband had. We don’t plan on rent out the basement and we will probably need the space.
Fast-ward we just finish moving our stuff not even unpacked yet and she needs to move out cus she’s given her notice and of course I felt terrible saying “ya ya” not know what I was saying yes to. I convinced my husband to let her move in and his wasn’t happy but we moved her into the basement. We did say a few rules not smoking in the house there is a detached heated garage for that. The upstairs was supposed to be our space. And don’t overstep boundaries or our parenting.
That’s when all the issues started. My mom would make plans for me with little notice and monopolies my and my kids time. At first it was fine to get to spend time out with her and the kids but it became an issues when she wouldn’t respect my boundaries. Like I need more notice cus I do make plans with my husband to do family stuff or friends. Or I don’t want certain people around my kids and she would bring us there or invite them over. If I invited friends over she’d come upstairs and take over the conversation and not let me talk and try to bring them downstairs to sell them stuff she’s made. She never respected the upstairs was our space rule.
She would talk down to me in front of my kids why isn’t the house spotless. Why are there dishes in the sink etc.. she would complain about everything but never help. She would not listen if I told hethe kids no to something ex. Candy before dinner. Me: No you can’t have candy before dinner, maybe after. Her: They are only kids once let them have it. And would give it to them. They need to eat lunch but “oh she was on a diet.” And so on
It got to the point where she would tell me she doesn’t have to listen to me cus she’s my mother. My kids started to throw fits and say I was mean and “they wanted nana cus she gave them anything they wanted.” Or “why do I have to listen to you when nana doesn’t have too?”
One Christmas I was working to afford a better Christmas and help pay off the line of credit we needed for the house. We hosted the Christmas dinner and had family and friends and everyone helped out. I cooked all day and then took a nap while everyone else was enjoying dinner as I had to work the night and was already going to be running on fumes. When I got up to my surprise everyone was still there. They were helping put the food away and had made me a plate for work. When I got home the house was clean and I was relieved as I was exhausted and just wanted to get some sleep. My mom told me she did all the dishes for me and cleaned to kitchen.
I worked for a few months before and after Christmas and during this time my mom was chain smoking in the basement. Her bedroom right below ours and our kids rooms. Me and the kids have asthma and my husband has crippling migraines that helped encourage him to quit smoking years ago. I didn’t notice the smell unless I was down stairs but he noticed it immediately. Saying he can’t sleeping and his crippling migraines had come back and the house smelled like cigarettes smoke. I confronted my mother and she said no of course she would smoke in the house but all her stuff clothes, furniture, smells that way cus she use to smoke in the house at her old place. (Mind you she was living with us for months now, and some of her future was new and we only just started having a problem suddenly after months with no issues related to smoke/smell)
Me and my husband fought over this as I really didn’t want to believe she would smoke in the house. First off it’s illegal here and second she knows off all our health issues. And you can get in trouble with child protective services if they thinking your smoking in the house which is considered endangering the health and safety of your children. And asthma can be considered the fault of the parents if they are smoking around them. You can’t even smoke in the car if a child is in the car with you
So my husband got a nicotine testing kit and when it finally came in we put it to use. The house was completely clean when we moved in. We found next to nothing upstairs but downstairs was a different story. My mom’s bedroom and kitchen being the worst. I was so mad that I decided I would look around to see if I could find an ashtray. Well I found it in her nightstand right beside the bed…. I was pissed. I can still remembered her fallling asleep with a cigarette in her hand on multiple occasions as a kid and how lucky we were that she never burned the house down back then
I confronted her when she got home and her instantly denied it till I showed her my proof and that I found her ashtray “your husband didn’t want her there always” was her response. I was floored. The whole time I stood up for her after confronting her the first time. she was lying saying “I’m so sick, I’m not even smoking right now, I’m quitting.”
He had bin upset at first but the first few months were great till all the issues started. But I quickly realized that no matter what I said I’d be wrong and she wouldn’t apologize. She had no remorse or sympathy not even when I mentioned the kids health or mine and my husbands. As she was my mother I felt it was my personal responsibility to hold her accountable for her actions we were going to give her till the spring as she is old but her response infuriated me.
She made it clear she didn’t have any level of respect for me or my husband and didn’t care about her grandchildren’s health…. I told her she had till the end of the month to move. She was pissed. She wanted to die here and how could I pick my husband over her and allow him to force her to move and in a month no less. I told her it was my choice to only give her a month and that I couldn’t stand to look at her. And this was the straw that back the camel’s back.
After that she avoided us and would hide in the basement when she wasn’t at work. A day or so later I woke up in the middle of the night to a noise only to find my mother in kitchen going through our cupboards…. I asked her what the H she was doing in my kitchen in the middle of the night? After that I started double checking the door separating the basement from the upstairs was locked at night.
She didn’t want to move so naturally I helped her looked for a place. Did the walk throughs with her till she settled for a place and of course she complained the whole time. How could I do this to her, look at the house I was forcing her into. (She picked it) and it was the nicest one we looked at. In her price range. And it was still close enough to visit and come help her if she needed it.
She refused to pack so I ended up packing everything for her and as I was packing her things I kept coming across things she had stolen from us. A can opener, canned goods, cereal, shopping bags, a blanket she had knitted for the family for Christmas and other things she had got the kids among many random things she must have wanted. I was growing more upset as the days passed and I told my husband everything I had come across while packing her things each day. He told me not to bother taking anything back because she would probably forget she stole it and claim we were stoking her things. He said she could have anything she wanted and hopefully with time she would remember that we still gave her whatever she wanted and there might be hope to fix the relationship with her in the future.
We called a couple friends to help us move here. We even put the furniture in the rooms/spots she asked for them to be put and we them up. As for the boxes I was going to help her empty them and put everything away but the first night she refused to let me touch anything and I just ended up sitting there while she berated me. “You’re a horrible daughter!” “A horrible mother!” “You’d let your own mother live in this dump!” “Who going to take care of me now? I might as well just die” “if I die it’s because of what you put me through” and those are only thing things a can remember
She keep my there in till 2 in the morning after that I said I couldn’t help her because I still had kids at home I had to get up with and she wouldn’t let me help anyway just berate me the whole time.
Me and my husband both agreed that we wouldn’t stop her from seeing the kids but she would have to respect our boundaries or we would have to put a stop to it. She refuses to see us or the kids. She refuses to apologize or admit to any wrong doing. She going around telling everyone I’m dead to her and take we took everything from her and we used her and abused her. We stopped talking to her all together and stopped trying to visit her.

Age: 37M white 5'8" 161lbs
Hi all-- I was somewhat of a heavy drinker late into my 20s and early 30s, otherwise healthy. I did have an unknown stomach issue from 2020 through 2021 that exhibited GERD-like symptoms (which was the remote clinical diagnosis due to COVID lockdown), but it mysteriously disappeared over the course of 2 months and has never resurfaced. I lost a good 20 pounds during that time and really was only able to eat bland food apart from the monthly attempts to reintroduce normal foods/spices/acidic drinks/alcohol back into my diet.
Buzzed my head this morning as I always do, and I never noticed these spots before (though I very rarely pay attention to the back of my head).
I am concerned that this may be liver-related and will get tests later on this week as I have also felt occasional discomfort in my right ribcage over the last couple of months (occasional sharp pain, 2-3 out of 10). Back in February, the doctor thinks that I could have pulled some sort of muscle in my ribcage and suggested I monitor over the coming weeks. At that time, metabolic tests were normal as well as GGT/total estrogen levels/platelet count.
Have noticed what look like 3 small spider angiomas on the face (2-3mm wide, looks like a single capillary) and, while they could have been there for years, I just noticed them over the past month or so.
The spots on the back of my head are flat, not raised, and I don't feel anything out of the ordinary (no itching, pain etc.). If I press down on them, they disappear for a second and come back.
Pictures here and here.
Thanks in advance!

Beseiged by nasty rumours and a whisper campaign, Priyanka Chopra has decided to immerse herself in work and focus on her forthcoming music album. But while the 29-year-old Pee Cee has opted for a dignified silence in the face of nasty media whispers, friends of the actress claim that her calm faade is just that.
Juggling work, her father's illness, and these rumours have taken a toll on the star. In particular she is upset and flummoxed by the campaign unleashed by a powerful producer-director who can make and break careers in Bollywood. "At a recent party while he was feeding her cupcakes, she heard rumours of him bitching her out-all this is very hurtful," said a close associate of the actress who did not want to be identified. The associate-cum-friend believes that a powerful clique of star wives is behind this spate of anti-Priyanka stories. "Priyanka has done nothing wrong. If these women are insecure about their relationships with their husbands, they should sort it out with them, at home. Why should they attack her?" thunders the friend.
The actress, who along with Vidya Balan has often been seen as Bollywood's go-to girl for meaty writer-backed roles, has confided to her friends that whatever is happening to her could be a function of the way the male-dominated industry operates. But she refuses to let it affect her work. "The only way she can strike back is by doing more work, good work. And it is not just films. There is music, endorsements… she is a brand, a multi-faceted personality and there is no way any star-wife can take that away from her." Says the friend emphatically, adding, "To all those who are calling her names, we would like to ask them, what are your achievements? You will only be remembered as Mrs so and so…!"
As for the stars that have allegedly refused to work with the actress, another friend counters by pointing out that she has always maintained a healthy professional relationship with her stars. "Truth is, she has not signed any new films for this year, as she is busy till October. There are several big-ticket projects she has been approached for. But since she has a policy of not announcing any project before it is ready to go on the floors, people will have to wait until August for news on that front."
When Mumbai Mirror called for her version of the events, Priyanka said she would only talk about her work and the music album. "Whatever has happened is in the past," is all she would say.
However, her protective friends were more forthcoming. "Ever since she was nine years old Priyanka has been in awe of Shah Rukh Khan. But now she is scared to even utter his name in public, no matter how innocent or professional the context." Responding to rumours that the two will not be seen together because of various pressures, the friend says, "Priyanka and SRK shot together for Farhan Akhtar's adult literacy mission film recently. There is nothing on the anvil right now for them to share a platform in public." But sources close to the actress say they continue to remain friendly.
The actress, who is flying out of the country to finish work on her music album, has a lot going on in her life right now. For the last six months her father has not been keeping well. According to her concerned friends, it is not easy for her parents to read the vicious reports about their daughter every day.
"She is a feisty fighter, a hardworking girl and will not tolerate any attempts to discredit her
professionally," says the friend, before joining the actress on the sets of Krrish, where she is shooting till the wee hours of the morning
Poor Little Rich Gauri
Is she on the verge of a nervous breakdown or is she just a bratty star wife?
From being fiercely private to being Bollywood's biggest party animal – Gauri Khan's recent uncharacteristic and irregular behavior has left her husband and friends shocked. So, what's really going on with the gorgeous Mrs Khan?
Kicked out of London hotspot
Gauri Khan and friends were kicked out of famed London club Tramp, leaving lines of illegal substances and broken bottles of Champagne in their trail. Known for its infamous celebrity guests, the club is no stranger to nefarious activities, so the party of 10 must have been doing something seriously bad to have to be escorted out of the premises!
Partied till 7am at IPL without SRK
Despite her husband leaving South Africa mid IPL, Gauri decided to stay back and party till 7am every night with her four girlfriends. Fellow party animals were shocked to see that the usually reserved Gauri was letting her hair down on the dance floor, somthing no one had seen her do before. Masala! heard someone quipping, 'We want what she's on!'
Keeping bad company
From safe (and boring) K-Jo to wild (and bored) star wives, Bhavna Pandey and Maheep Khan and hot (and spoilt) south Mumbai IT girls Renu Chainani and Nandita Mahtani – Gauri has changed her company drastically in the past few years. SRK expressed how he did not approve of their group activities and was heard telling Gauri to 'grow up and accept the responsibilities that fame comes along with'. His harsh lecture, however, fell on deaf ears as she made plans to go to with the same friends to Europe, Miami and then LA soon after! When confronted about her irresponsible behavior and the fact that SRK was sitting at home playing video games with the kids, while Gauri was out partying and neglecting the kids, the latter lashed out at SRK telling him that he had no right to control her life and abused him. So angry was the actor that he finally threatened to leave for Mumbai with the kids if she didn't get her act together!
Fed up of being the perfect mrs Khan
For years now Gauri has played the role of the perfect star wife – dressing and acting the part, being seen with the right people (only those who SRK approved of!) and building an image that she exploited and enjoyed at the time. She confided in a friend saying: 'I am tired of living for the world of fans, I want to live for myself. Why can't I?'
Breaking free or breaking down?
While many of Gauri's friends believe that she's just living life for herself, other's are convinced that she is on the verge of a nervous breakdown!
Masala! verdict
Tired and fed up of playing the perfect celeb spouce, the allegedly bratty Gauri is trying to break free. A friend of the couple told Masala! "Gauri now wants to live life for herself. What's wrong with living in the fast lane?" Nothing, we guess, as long as she's got her seatbelt on and her hands firmly on the wheel!

Hello, I am a frequent viewer of this subreddit and I am having an issue that I am second guessing. So I've known my male friend since around high school. Things never really worked in high school but we both had huge crushes on each other but never reciprocated it correctly (from both of our own admissions). We get to college and we went to separate schools and became somewhat distant but were still close friends as we'd both come home a lot and we'd still hang out. Most of the time we just hung out as friends and enjoyed each others company, a few times we got intimate but never to the point of sex. His senior year of college he had a girlfriend and we got more distant out of respect for the relationship. They broke up shortly after he graduated. After their breakup we got intimate one more time but we had an intimate talk about progressing to sex and how it was a big step for both of us, so we decided to not go that far with things.
In present day, we were still friends but our communication became a lot more distant. I admit I had feelings for him in this year and still do now. I just really admire the person he is and I would love to be with him. We still maintained communication and always checked in on each other but never spent much time physically together due to time consuming careers, especially since my job requires me to travel a lot.
I am a lot more settled and stationary with my job now and we ended up hanging out at each others place about a week ago. Everything felt comfortable and like old times and eventually we ended up having sex, multiple times... It was really good and we had great chemistry. I stayed over at his house and we cuddled and ended up having sex again in the morning. But instantly after I went home I began to second guess everything and regret the sex.. We texted that same morning and he mentioned how he wanted me to come over again that night, but he ended up going ghost that night, so I feel like this really triggered me.... The sex just seemed to happen so fast too... like we were both turned on and I really enjoyed it but his energy just seemed much more different than the last time we were intimate. I guess it made me feel distrustful of him as well.
I used to be a lot more open with sexual things and did so more freely. After lots of experiences where I was used for sex and led on to believe things would be more but didn't, the act of sex now always fills me with regret, dread and anxiety and I always think of how I should've waited. I have kind of shut myself off to dating and sex in general for a bit over a year as I just couldn't deal with all of the ups and downs.
So in the morning i felt really horrible about the whole thing, and in my head I figured he just wants me as a hookup... Especially since prior to we said we both get attached to sex but it didn't seem like he was any different..
So I called him and told him that I think we should just be friends.. I basically told him that I didn't want to ruin our friendship by being just about hooking up with each other. He simply responded Okay and we hung up and haven't spoke since which is weird because we are generally close even prior to this..
Did I make the right call? Was this likely going to just result in a hookup situation? I feel like if it wasn't he would've said something, especially since I made sure to say the reason for this decision was because I hadn't had sex in so long and didnt want things to become just about sex with us... And guys will usually say that a guy will make it known if he wants to be with a girl. and there will be no confusion... I would love to be with him but I cant be that same girl I was pining over a guy that tells me "sweet nothings" just to keep me around which has happened pretty much every time before... I should also mention I have never been in a fully committed relationship... just talking stages and situationships so I dont know if Im going about this all wrong.
Tl;Dr: Childhood close friends and I hooked up with each other. I told him I just want to keep things platonic because Im not looking for a hookup. I am wondering if I made the wrong decision or self sabotaged...

hello, hope everyone is doing good! long story short, i broke up with my bf a few weeks back. what happened was: he was extremely cold and uncaring JUST with me (he said he was going through a rough patch in his life so he couldnt be as affectionate, however, when he was with his friends, he was completely normal, attentive, chatty and happy); he made 0 effort to talk to me (i came home from work everyday wanting to chat and be with him and he never talked and wanted to be alone); whenever i tried to talk to him, i felt like i was talking to a brick wall, i was the only one talking.
he had always been chatty and very curious about my day and always asked questions, he was very present but became very distant. this lasted for around 3 weeks. i felt like my presence wasnt wanted nor needed.
at the same time this was happening, i always saw his status appearing as Online on instagram, at the time he was supposed to be asleep, while i was away at work (i work very early mornings). i say 'as he was supposed to be asleep' bc he would text me back( like 5 hours after) saying 'good morning, just woke up'.
i know apps can bug and can be faulty, but this has never happened before in the 7 months we were dating, and it kept happening EVERYDAY for 3 whole weeks.
him texting and talking to another girl honestly didnt even cross my mind bc idk if he'd be the type to do that, but i got a little insecure bc the first thing he used to do when he woke up was text me, it was a little cute thing we had, our dynamic. we texted a lot! i really used to feel like i was the first thing on his mind whenevrr he woke up, and i had gotten a little sad thinking he now was waking up, spending hours alone, and lying about his waking hours just so he doesnt have to text me back. this + him being so distant carved a little hole in my heart and i began to think he really didnt like my presence that much.
so i decided to talk to him about it, to let him know i had been feeling a bit uncared for and a little insecure; i explained how i always saw him online for hours and i also mentioned how he wasnt the way he was with me with his friends, and if he could please show me he still cared through reassuring me or something.
i didnt think this problem would escalate and i never even considered breaking up with him, to me it was just an 'asking for reassurance' type of thing; however, he got super defensive and lashed out at me.
he told me the app is wrong and hes never online, and that i dont know what im talking about. he said i was essentially accusing him of lying and he was super pissed at me.
he didnt reassure me at all; and his way of fixing this situation? he turned off his status activity so i couldnt see him online anymore, and said: 'there, now u cant see shit'.
i felt disrespected bc to me it showed he was more concerned over being seen as a 'liar', than to actually reassure me and than to make sure i felt loved, and so i broke up with him. he saw me very nervous and crying my eyes out while i was being vulnerable and sharing my feelings (i struggle a bit with that as i tend to bottle things up) and all he did was defend himself while being rude and insensitive. this was a few weeks back. i dont know if i overreacted but at the time it felt like the right thing to do.
i wanted a third person view on this whole thing to really figure out if i actually overreacted and if i should reach out to him to try and talk things through, since now im doubting my own choices. thank you for reading. sorry if my english isnt great, not a native speaker. was it an overreaction on my part?
tl;dr: i broke up with my bf since he didnt reassure me when i asked due to his recently distant personality and constantly appearing online in apps when he was allegedly asleep.

Good morning swappers, I've got one more awesome knife up for grabs. Feel free to ask anything, price includes shipping of course and payments will be via PPFF with no notes.
Piratech Kraken s90v I am the second owner. Lightly carried by both of us. Factory edge. Has been disassembled by me to clean and oil the bearings, It had a little grittyness to it when I received it but it's very smooth now. Couple small snails on the scales, one scratch on the clip, otherwise in great condition. Centering favors the show side just a hair. Box, CoA, and all original packaging included.
SV: 250 225
Fantastic knife, I'm just looking to recoup some funds, and I don't reach for this one very often. Not looking for trades.
Timestamp/video: https://imgur.com/a/7LAqvqt

Since last Wednesday the USDA told me that the seller needed to install a handrail for my loan to be approved. He got that done literally the next day. Apparently the pictures taken weren’t good enough, and the appraiser has to update the appraisal with better pictures. Mind you, this was last Wednesday.
The appraiser was scheduled to come Monday, but didn’t. Then I was told by my lender she’d have it done by 11 AM this morning only to be told that she’s coming tomorrow. All I need is a dang picture to send to the USDA so I can receive my funding. There’s no way that will happen by Friday.
I guess this is more of a vent than anything, but is this normal? The seller has been trying to sell his property for months ASAP, and I’m afraid he’s gonna get upset. Anyways, I’m thinking of calling the appraiser myself and asking what the deal is. You’re telling me you can’t stop by and take a simple picture? At the same time, I went through a realtor and lender so I wouldn’t have to go through all of this frustration.
The house buying process is such a headache, I don’t even feel excited anymore.

TLDR: despite some symptoms improving and some getting worse from lowering my thyroid dose 6 weeks ago to get my TSH from 0.00 to the normal range (currently still only at 0.07 and have to make more adjustments), I generally feel much worse.
I need some tips on this because I've struggled to find good information online. I previously was on 150mcg synthroid and 5mcg liothyronine when I had tethered cord (was originally on a balanced dose, but felt a lot of tethered cord symptom improvement being hyperthyroid). For reasons I won't get into and can only speculate on, despite the blood labs showing I was taking too much thyroid meds, it's clear that being in a state of hyperthyroidism was reducing my tethered cord symptoms at the time. It's been 17 months since my tethered cord surgery, and now it's clear that since most tethered cord symptoms are gone that the hyperthyroidism is only hurting instead of helping.
Over 3 months I've lowed my synthroid to 75mcg. My TSH test as of yesterday morning was 0.07 where it was previously at 0.00. Here's where I'm struggling. I noticed that when Canadian winter came, I became extremely symptomatic and found that increasing liothyronine to 10mcg reduced all my new symptoms which suggests to me that my liothyronine is probably around the right dose (though I may have to lower it soon since it's becoming hot where I am now). However, it's been 6 weeks since my last synthroid adjustment from 90mcg to 75mcg, and I feel incredibly brain fogged, bitchy, worse memory, and have worse sleep than I did when my TSH was at 0.00.
I'm wondering two things:

1. Since we all have slightly different conversion capabilities from T4 to T3, how likely do you think it is that I will actually need to increase my T3 while reducing my T4 even more?
2. How likely is it that I just simply need to adjust the T4 more and then wait a long time to feel better? It's been 6 weeks since my last adjustment

EDIT: I'm really brain fogged right now, so if someone asks a question or says something which tells me I miscommunicated something, I'll just edit this post to clear up the confusion