The two-year anniversary of the breakup is really looming over me - it will be May 23rd. Somehow I keep feeling that it’s a kind of milestone, that I need to find closure by then, or make some dramatic gesture, or take some significant action.
Part of me just wants it to be over with and passed, with me having done nothing and said nothing to anyone but my therapist and Reddit. The goal is just to keep my head down, to act as much as possible like it’s any other day, and just keep doing the work of trying to rebuild my life one day at a time. The more I ponder what I long for when I wish for closure, the more I’m convinced that closure is something I can’t have except by time passing.
I miss the innocence of when Clive and I were just platonic friends, when I could still think he was a wonderful person I was lucky to get to hang out with. I miss hanging out with Oonagh, and him, and John at their house. I spent two Christmases with them. At least it’s true that the long battle with grief has beaten a lot of the nostalgia out of me. I don’t remember the good times well enough to miss them as much as I used to - the horror of the breakup, and of him telling me he’d never cared about me and was just using me the whole time, has been at the forefront of my consciousness for two years now.
But I just feel like my psyche is playing all these weird tricks on me where the breakup-anniversary is concerned. I know it’s all a mirage and an illusion - the two-year mark, objectively, has no significance. One of the tricks it’s playing on me is this sense that if I can just get past it without doing or saying anything crazy to anyone, I can breathe more freely, and make a new start at putting it behind me.
I did two tarot readings this week, one yesterday and one today. Yesterday I asked, “How should I regard the upcoming anniversary of the breakup?” I did a four-card “situation reading” spread. The top card, the heart of the matter, was the Two of Pentacles. This is the card of someone trying to juggle and balance things against a background of a roiling sea. It’s a symbol of having to handle a lot of things all at once and balance competing demands. Which is accurate, between work and parenting and trying to have a social life and heal from trauma and improve my fitness and eat and sleep and keep two households running in two states, and keep to a meticulous habit of budgeting and tracking my financial accounts.
The three “contributing factors” cards underneath were the Queen of Cups, the Chariot, and the Ace of Pentacles. The Queen of Cups is clearly meant to be me - sensitive and perceptive, with knowledge, experience, and authority. Her perceptiveness helps heal others, but her sensitivity cuts both ways, making her vulnerable as well as powerful. The Chariot represents strength of will and determination, the potential for movement and triumph. The Ace of Pentacles is a very lucky card - a beginning, like all the aces, with the potential for great prosperity or a windfall of wealth. So, I think the tarot was telling me that it’s going to be a rough period of time with a lot for me to handle. The energy I bring to it is that of a perceptive person who is powerful and has healing gifts, but who is also very vulnerable for the same reasons she is powerful. I have the power to get through this difficult period with strength of will, and when I do it will be the start of a period of prospering in body and soul.
Today, I kept imagining scenarios where I would try to speak up about what Clive did, in order to protect others. I asked the tarot, “If I spoke up again about what happened, could I help protect others without excessive harm to myself or putting myself in too much danger?”
This time the heart of the matter was the Nine of Cups - the card of the heart’s wishes being granted. The three contributing factor cards were the Hierophant, the Two of Wands, and Temperance. This seems like, overall, a very positive reading. The Hierophant is about learning and finding a teacher. The Two of Wands is about vision and determination, making a decision based on courage and will rather than emotions (cups), logic (swords), or practical considerations (pentacles). And Temperance is about exercising restraint and self-control. I think what’s it’s telling me is that yes, I can speak my truth and try to protect others. But, I have to keep trying to learn more, to listen and continue trying to understand - I have to have the humility to realize I have blind spots and gaps of knowledge, so I need to stay open-minded. I need to be courageous and determined to do right by people, and I need to act with restraint and patience, waiting until the time is right. I can speak up, but maybe not right now - I have to wait until the time is right and make sure I’m choosing the right people to communicate with in the most effective way. If I do all this, I can have my heart’s wish, to protect others while also not endangering myself or setting back my own healing.
I was a little confused initially about how to interpret this reading, and thought maybe it was giving me a green light to reach out to Oonagh and ask her for a conversation. But when I sat down to try to think what I could say to her, I couldn’t get out a letter I was happy with, and in writing it, it was all too clear that trying to communicate with her that way would be disastrous and pointless. I remembered all the reasons why I decided I couldn’t trust her and felt that talking more with her could do no good. So I posted the letter in UnsentLetters, because it’s very therapeutic to not send such letters, and to post them on Reddit instead.

First Previous Wiki
Ezeonwha was walking down a long hallway. The dry and plain painted walls and the pure white lighting of the lower levels of the 102nd Visitor Welcome Office helped to frame the dingy realities of those who could only afford these floors. Not even capable of having windows, these were for those who were the cheapest of the cheap or those who mingled with them. He'd passed several Guides on the way in, their claws echoing in the halls as a sign of authority in this lawless land.
Here, mediocrity was king, and he was a loyal servant. He drew his cloak closer about his neck, unwilling to reveal himself to those who weren't already equipped to see through it all. He was famous enough to be an abduction target if he let his guard down. This place was no exception, though Justicar tried to make them such. Too much security on the higher levels and too little on the lower levels. That was the way of things.
Another hallway, this one marked with bullet holes. Two contractors and a Guide were discussing the pricing of the fix project when he turned the corner. Their voices quieted to nothing, the stillness pressing down upon them with the same intensity as the false lighting. Ezeonwha clacked his jaws, giving them a low bow before continuing on his way. He saw the Guide's eyes light up with the sign of his implants getting a reading. It was another impromptu way of tracking via facial recognition, but it was an ancient practice.
Nothing was new about what the Guides did; only how many of them seemed to be on general patrol. Had Justicar hired more of them or actually done full conversions for all of them? Those arm cannons surely weren't cheap or ethical to insert into unwilling participants. And giving a victim a gun they couldn't be disarmed of was a very bad idea, even for Elders. And Justicar was better than most Elders when it came to abject stupidity. He'd likely only been dropped a few hundred times as a child versus the more likely Elder average of a few thousand.
Ezeonwha chuckled at his internal joke, heading deeper underground into the complex. He was going to a certain meeting, and it would be best not to be late. Even if the Guides tracked him, it wouldn't be negative. The group he had been approached by a few days ago wasn't a terror group. He'd looked them up. They dealt in 'freedom and liberation from all chains.'
The Eyes Of Liberty had focused upon Penny as their latest propaganda target and perhaps as a valuable ally in their fight against all tyranny. Though such a flowery message was likely steeped in idealism for the lower ranks, with more pragmatic and likely richer inner circle elites and leaders ensuring the pot would always simmer but never boil or grow cold. That was the way movements such as these managed to skirt the line between inaction and terrorism.
It was a dangerous thing to do. But these were dangerous times. If Penny left, he'd die. Someone with a grudge would kill him. It was a given, and he'd made peace with it now. He needed to get to work, to help others like him and those worse off, with just a small piece of the meager time he had left.
He was in the system as a friend of Penny, so little scrutiny would fall on him as he came and went. He had a new friend, one who was very interested in connecting to Penny.
The offer had come through his communicator, and he'd answered it given its interesting title. After a lengthy discussion about their goals for him and Penny, he'd agreed to at least have a meeting. He didn't tell them that he had a tracker from Phoebe, which would 'be impossible to miss' if things went badly. He knew the value he had, which was why one of the androids was also accompanying him under the guise of being a Sprilnav.
The android was 'walking' on all fours, its mechanical motion entirely silent. It was obscured by a wave of holograms and hard light holograms that would ensure that it wouldn't be considered suspicious beside him. His only guard was a capable one, and Phoebe had all the confidence of an AI who knew that the destruction of her android would only be an inconvenience for her.
Ezeonwha came to an unmarked door with a well-worn door frame. One knock. One pause. Two knocks. Another pause. Four knocks. He waited, and the door swung open. Eight Sprilnav greeted him warily but warmly, their eyes shifting to Phoebe.
The inside of the room was a dull red, coming from a pair of lights in the center of the ceiling that cast dark shadows near the edges. The whole room felt dark and dangerous, and the walls were lined with guns, computers, and several drones. Shelves and drawers were neatly stacked against the wall, as well as five couches and four double beds with ladder access to the top portions.
Bags of food rested atop a trash compactor unit, and the room service button on the inner side of the wall that Ezeonwha could see in the mirror was worn down to the raw metal. No paint jobs here, only grit and business. The room faintly smelled of body odor and assorted foods. Not entirely unpleasant, but also not what he'd expected from a group with sich a flamboyant name. Perhaps they worked in cell-based units. And that was another thing.
Minds were visible in the distance of the mindscape, but the people here were huddled together mentally. They appeared to be haphazard, but Ezeonwha recognized an old army-type defensive formation a mere step from each of their positions. They were more than they appeared. Though based on how their room looked, they probably weren't veterans, just decently trained.
As they walked through the doorway, a scanner activated. One of the Sprilnav, wearing a headset with numbers and letters swirling on the inner side of the visor, called out: "Phoebe android. Commando variant. Risk assessment: Certain Death. Ezeonwha. Carrying two pistols, one hidden in the pack on his left, and the other tucked inside a strap near the lower bottom of his chest."
That made them all pause, sizing each other up. Ezeonwha smiled nervously, failing terribly to break the building tension once again. His nerves started to get to him, but finally, Phoebe spoke. "Well, friends. I, for one, am happy to talk of the business of liberty. Tell us, what do you have in mind for my friend Ezeonwha?"
"It is not about him, AI. It is about the freedom all sentient beings deserve, and which we shall bring to the galaxy no matter if we are alive or dead."
"An honorable goal to strive toward," Phoebe said.
"Thank you. Your words are quite kind for your type."
"I didn't know I had one," Phoebe replied. "But thank you."
Ezeonwha turned his head toward the Sprilnav with all the fancy equipment.
"What is the best way for me and Penny to help in the fight?"
"The best way would be for you to start killing the gang leaders you come across. Barring that, have Penny ignore the graveyards, and continue freeing the slaves as she ought to. The dead have their freedom; the living need her work more."
"I agree with my companion," another of them said. "So far, Penny has done more for the fight for justice than any other on Justicar in generations, so it is a terrible thing to ask more, but we must ask. Even knowing the terrible toll it would have if she loses the Judgment, Sprilnav are at stake."
"People are at stake, you mean," Ezeonwha said. "There is no need to bring species into this."
"There would not be, but it is still a clear factor," another of them said, a female who looked more shifty in her gaze and demeanor. The Eyes of Liberty seemed like one of those groups with too much division.
"Do you disagree with each other often?" Ezeonwha asked innocently.
"Here and there," the tech guy said. "Not often enough to be a problem, and not when what matters is at stake."
"But that is the thing. How can you agree on when something that matters is a stake?"
"Is this a test?"
"Why would it be? Think of it as a genuine concern," Ezeonwha said. "To associate with your group, I have to be certain it will be resilient to change and risks escalating in the future. If the gangs cannot strike at Penny, they will pick the next best targets. Currently, that is me. If I associate with you in a way they can find out, and I assure you they will find out eventually, you all may be at risk as well. And your group's seemingly cell-based design also means large scale mobilization is difficult, ineffective, and risks severe coordination issues which cannot be quickly or safely remedied without changing core security features of it."
"You deduced all of that from context? You are smart, Ezeonwha. And have a good brain in your head. Everlasting knows we need one of those between all of us."
They all shared a laugh.
"I am not as young as I may look," Ezeonwha said. "Penny is not properly learned of the danger that faces us here. I am. The Underground will kill me when this is over. Do you want to die alongside me, all for your beliefs?"
Silence descended again. Ezeonwha kept the pressure on them when one of them stepped forward. "For freedom and liberty? Yes. I would die for that."
"As would I."
"And I."
They all declared the rest in orders that followed the patterns Ezeonwha was noticing. There were variances in their levels of belief and faith in their purpose. Each person had a different level of value difference, which meant that their lives would be worth more or less comparatively.
Cohesion was weaker, too. Not a full defector team, but likely pieces of several. Was that by design from a higher up leader, or was that just circumstance? Another thing to figure out later, that wasn't critical yet, but he would know before he truly went on any missions with them, if he did at all.
He suspected running messages to Penny would be the majority of their tasks. The quality of intelligence the Eyes of Liberty had offered was substantial. Perhaps enough for Penny to turn herself from a major annoyance to the gangs into an actual existential threat. With Justicar's swarming protection of the Fort Court and the 102nd Visitor Welcome Office, there was a limited amount of things that even the gangs could do. And if the rumors were correct, a Progenitor would be partaking in the trial.
"To be clear, if I join up with you, Phoebe would come too."
"Why would we let an AI join us?"
Phoebe smiled. "Without me, you'll die in this fight. You have trained for around 2000 days. You're acceptable combatants, as is Ezeonwha. But you are fighting in a city, and underneath it. You need to know how to keep a low profile. You need to know how to move through a crowd, get in and out. And you need to keep collateral damage to a zero, or the gangs will use you like they have others who had your purpose and were less careful to justify their 'protection' continuing. If you march in there and kill 50 slavers, if you kill a few slaves or a single bystander in the process, your credibility will be smeared. And frankly, with me on your team, you won't get blown up by an IED when you try clearing your first room in a fortress."
"IED?" One of them asked, while the rest digested her statement, going through various levels of offended looks.
"Your translator is too cheap. Improvised explosive device. Here, that can be old engines, reused oil, cracked plastic, frictional fuel bombs, circuit extruders, sodium splash grenades, as well as the more military style attacks they can pack, from small micro rockets all the way up to lower level fission or fusion bombs. Though if you're in a fight with those things involved, you're already dead."
"Why?"
"Because unless you're Elders, or holograms, a nuke will kill you whether you're right next to it or just inside the same shield. They concentrate the thermal pulse, so your bones would be ash before the pain hit your eyes."
"And what protection could you bring against that?"
"Telling you it's there before you start the attack. That is, if you listen to me. I value your lives over that of this android, but also I value Ezeonwha over all of you combined. I will not prevent him from doing this, but I will have you all know the risks involved."
"We are prepared, Phoebe. We have done much of the training you say, though we do not believe the gangs would plant explosive devices in their own fortresses. There is too much risk around that, with betrayals so common. However, the minefields we have scouted are easy to defeat with the right tactics. Perhaps you can give us a briefing on those, too?"
A challenge.
"I can, depending on how long you wish to do this for. But I have the stamina for either hours or weeks, depending on which you choose."
"What of your batteries?"
"They are of sufficient quality," Phoebe assured.
"I hope so."
Their tech guy nodded, more numbers flashing on his visor. Ezeonwha hoped he had a different way of display, like through an implant or something, for the missions in darker areas. The Underground was, by its name, not a place where much natural light was to be found. And the gangs controlled all the power systems in their territory. It was another part of the racket.
"Why aren't you guarding Penny?"
Phoebe's back straightened, a subconscious posture change to make her seem more confident. Ezeonwha caught the tactic for what it was, though without extensive knowledge of bipedal forms, it was less likely the surrounding Sprilnav knew it.
"Penny proved before a trillion eyes she's capable of fighting Elders, Progenitors, and a Dreadnaught Captain. Not to mention her immense power. I can shoot bullets, but she can literally snatch them out of the air and eat them. She has her own way of doing things, and it is a good way."
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Penny landed in the rubble and headed for the Vaquah with a trail of survivors behind her. Many of them, she could recognize the marks of slavery on, with numbers or brands on their skin or just the trauma crouching in their eyes dulled by the pain of a long life in a work camp. Penny went through the wreckage to the shield surrounding the rubble and the defining line between the rest of the city and the destruction. Several news drones flew above her.
More were arriving from various directions. The soft footsteps grew into a constant drumming sound, like a beating heart of doom. Penny marched with them, heading to the spaceport. A large medical operation there quickly rerouted many of its various branches to the most injured freed slaves.
Penny pressed her considerable psychic energy on the entire group, accelerating their healing, slowing bleeding, and generally repairing their bodies and cells from the trauma they'd suffered. But the cloud over their heads did not brighten. The atmosphere remained tense and mournful. Many of them had lost friends, family, and more. She had no right to ask them to feel any different.
She had freed them, that was all. They were not her servants. She was not their ruler.
Several of them came up to her, offering thanks in the small ways they could. Kind words. Attempts at hugs. Even offers of devout prayer and worship, which Penny respectfully declined. She knew, as did most of them, that veneration for her deeds was inevitable. She didn't want to be seen encouraging it at all, since this was a public place where many eyes were upon her.
She knew that it would be misconstrued as a threat if she did. Religions were some of the most major threats entrenched powers could face if not properly co-opted by the state to suit their needs. And here, the 'state' was a military dictatorship billions of years old, ripened with corruption, money, and the immortality of Elders sporting technology beyond any other in the galaxy.
The sky was blue with shields overhead. The Vaquah hung in the distance, its thrusters gently burning to keep it aloft. A trail of shuttles linked the massive ship with several spaceports, including this one. Penny watched the freed Sprilnav get on it one by one, promising themselves to a new life aboard her ship. Technically, they were citizens of the Autonomous Peoples' Stars.
That protection, Penny knew, was why the Vaquah and its innocent inhabitants were still intact. Elders already had hired mercenaries to attack it. They'd failed, thanks to Rimiaha and Penny, but also the defenses of Kashaunta's Grand Fleet when it was in higher orbit. Kashaunta, despite her willingness to use Penny as she would, also had a certain intelligence and empathy. It was highly selective, and only money and power seemed to flip that switch.
But Penny needed the Elder, and Kashaunta only had use for her as an asset. She palmed the new communicator Kashaunta had issued her after the last one's destruction. Kashaunta's hologram appeared. It looked around, noticing the news drones in the air.
"Not here."
"Where?"
"You will know."
In the mindscape, a Sprilnav appeared on Penny's layer. They felt odd to her, almost like the minds of certain humans high up in the hivemind's network. Penny greeted the Sprilnav warmly.
"Hello."
"Queen and Elder Kashaunta requests your presence on her flagship."
"Very well."
In reality, Penny looked around at the crowd. She waited until it dwindled to nothing, and then spoke.
"Displace."
Conceptual energy twisted, and she stood on Kashaunta's flagship, though nearer to the edge than she'd expected. The Elder was waiting for her in an outfit that looked much like pajamas, though they were under a few armor pieces that appeared anything but decorative. Now that Penny noticed it, it was the same sort of armor that Yasihaut had worn to their last encounter, which interfered with conceptual energy. The Sprilnav were highly advanced. She wondered just how far their technology could go. She'd heard mentions of some ships having artificial gravity, and of nanites and programmable matter. But nothing certain.
"Hmm," Kashaunta said, giving Penny a once over. "You have come back. Shall I assume you are still my ally?"
"Nervous, are we?"
"Nervous is what you should be, Penny. The Judgment is coming. Ten days. Indrafabar and Justicar will both be on the court as High Judges. That is not good for us at all. So I figured a bit of prudence was in order. I have thought long and hard about this, and with the great battles of our time so fast approaching, I figure it is time to mend our relationship before the chasm grows any wider."
Kashaunta motioned to a special looking sword sheath on her back. Slowly, she drew a sword. A Soul Blade. Penny began to draw up her armor.
"Oh, I am not wishing for a fight, Penny. I know the damage you could do, even in my sanctum in the sky. Tell me, do you know how Soul Blades are forged?"
"No."
"Good. And tell me, do you know why they draw so much power to swing, even for Elders and beings as capable as us?"
"I have a few theories."
"I am sure you do," Kashaunta said. "But here is the thing. Soul Blades are typically weapons assigned to highly promising Elders, or even Progenitors. Filnatra, undisputed sword master that she is, can wield them as easily as breathing. If I were to swing this blade, there would be no drawback. Why?"
"Because you own that Soul Blade."
"Because this Soul Blade is mine. It is not just something I own. I own around seven or so more Soul Blades, with some weapons nearing their quality lying in my various vaults even now. You did not detect them, because I willed that not to be. I need you to understand this, Penny. You have power. You have might. But you are not invincible. My Soul Blade, if it struck you, would not cutely separate Nilnacrawla or Cardinality from you. Nor would your speeding space entity be able to block this blade with his flesh. If this cut you, it would release unending agony upon you before you exploded in a burst of burnt gore."
Penny sighed. "There is no need to threaten me. Allies do not threaten each other."
"But you do not see me as an ally. You see me as your means to get through the Judgment. You believe I see you as nothing more but a linear singularity maker, and perhaps a passing curiosity I'm backing on a whim. You neglect to imagine that there might be firmer reasons why I back you, and why more Elders are getting drawn into this conflict. You believe I am comfortable with showing you my more pragmatic and ruthless sides because I am comfortable with the fact that you cannot harm me. That you would not dare to do so, when you need my assistance so badly. That I might even be aiming to normalize my 'new' self with you."
"That is hardly my belief alone."
"Is it now."
Kashaunta grinned. There was no warmth in her gaze.
"Nilnacrawla," Kashaunta said. "Cardinality. Exile. Come out and show yourselves. You are being rude as guests."
Exile detached from Penny's head. He grew into the shifting array of fractals and shapes she was more familiar with. What had once grated on her eyes did so no longer. Kashaunta stared at the speeding space entity for ten seconds, then looked back up at Penny.
"He will not work on us. I will cover his form with holograms if he walks through my ship out of courtesy for my workers and crew, if he cannot."
"I am capable, Queen Kashaunta."
"You are quite knowledgable, aren't you?" Kashaunta mused, looking at him hungrily. "Oh, how I wonder what secrets you have in your head. How many of ours do you know?"
"I will not be taken as a hostage," Exile said.
"You will not because I decide not to," Kashaunta said. "Formally, our species are still at war. There is no treaty."
"The Sp'rkial'nova no longer exist."
"Yes, they do," Kashaunta said. "The name was discontinued for use regarding the lesser specimens we created. But I can assure you, Exile, if you wish to go by that name here, that we still do exist. I am a Sp'rkial'nova in the flesh. In the blood. In the mind. In the soul."
"Say what you will, Sprilnav. It changes nothing."
"On that I agree. Though our views on how things are may differ, and yours is wrong, your opinion is not valuable enough to matter."
She turned to Penny. She would have defended Exile, but he gave her a simple shake of his head area.
Nilnacrawla formed out of psychic energy in front of Penny. Cardi did the same beside her. Kashaunta tapped a claw on the ground. Tables and chairs appeared. A chef brought in food that looked passable and a few decent attempts at human cuisine.
"We do not have to eat, though I would expect that all of you at least sit at the table. We will discuss our grievances, and how to solve them before we proceed with the future. We shall first go to the matter of the Alliance. Penny, many in their number wish to establish contact with you. Do you agree to this? If so, I will add their communicator numbers to the translation program I have reserved for your personal use, in case your own device needs another sudden replacement."
"I agree."
"Good. A first step of diplomacy, I would say. Agreement. Now, Nilnacrawla, you look like you have something to say to me. What is it?"
"Free Meridia."
"Meridia was detonated by planet cracker during the 139th Sector 9 Border War. I am sorry more could not be done."
A cold draft of air rushed out of Nilnacrawla's nose. He glared at her. "You let them die."
"I did not. A Grand Fleet was defending that star system, and three came to lay siege. I am many things. A tactician, a queen, an Elder. But I am not a god. I cannot perform miracles. I evacuated 30 billion people from that world and its surrounding stations before the planet crackers hit it. 4 trillion more souls died in that blast. The best I can do is to offer an apology."
"That will never be enough for what you did. If you had never established your nation, they would still be alive."
"They would be slaves. Chattel slaves, not that cute little 'wage slavery' concept privileged people throw around. Perhaps I should remind you just how much darker that reality would have been for your female descendents, specifically. I am a brutal warlord, a dictator with an iron fist. But my claws do not squeeze nearly as tightly as I could. Metrics say that I could extract at least 370% more profit from my people if I simply enslaved them. But despite the shock this may bring to you all, I do have principles. The Autonomous Peoples' Stars are my people. My nation. My empire, if you think I'm imperialist. But I protect them as best I can."
Nilnacrawla's cold anger didn't lessen. Penny placed a calming hand on his front left thigh. He blinked. He let out a long, pained sigh. And he bowed his head to her. Not to Kashaunta, but to Penny.
"There is no need to be cruel."
"My language was accurate, Penny. He is a strong Elder. Everlasting knows he's stronger than most of these fools. Nilnacrawla was and is a hero of the Source war. I respect him enough not to mince words, or to give platitudes. Coddling is for babies. Nilnacrawla is far more mature."
Kashaunta turned to Cardi. "You have been remarkably silent in this, concept."
"I have."
"A wonderfully succinct statement. Perhaps you can shorten it further. But nevertheless, you and I will be working together with Penny much more in the near future. Rest assured, if you refuse to become more independent, you will be nothing more than a crutch for her to rely on before leaving her to fall when you are ripped away."
"When, Elder? I would like to think your protection is sufficient."
"I am sure the truth is quite the opposite, dear. I will now get to the point. Penny needs to move faster, and needs to break out of her shell. She needs to be pushed to do more. She has signed a binding treaty, which shows she is capable of more than barbarian aliens, as some Elders would call her. You, Cardinality, will help her be a high achiever. To do this, you need to learn more about your own history.
That is the theme of the year, after all. History. My history, Penny's history, Sprilnav history, and even Gaia's history, it would seem."
"Gaia? What do they have to do with all of this?" Penny asked.
"Oh, you don't need to worry about that."
"Excuse me? You don't get to decide that, Kashaunta. You will tell me. I refuse to be coddled, like you say. I demand the respect I am owed."
"You forget yourself, Penny."
"I remember myself, actually. I am all I need to be. I can become all I need if I must. You can hold your backing against me all you want, but you won't withdraw it. As you said, more binds you and I than mere money and ideology."
"And if you're wrong?"
"Then I've doomed my species and my nation to war, and this planet to the full power of my wrath."
"Wrath, Penny. Wrath. The Sprilnav have many words for anger, rage, hatred. There is the desire for vengeance, in varying degrees. There is that for justice, which does differ. And that for belonging. I know you believe you are standing up to me as a way to assert your own authority in this relationship of ours. You believe I see you as inferior, and will pull back my help when it is profitable for me. I will not offer you the consequences of what your words could mean.
You already know them, and that argument is as stale as your view on us Elders. I will say this once, Penny. You are the Champion of Humanity. The apex predator of your planet, the only one mostly in charge of an Alliance that does more than merely dream of overthrowing us. It is easy for me to say you are not a threat, though I do not ignore the threat you and your nation are trying to become. Gaia will be a part of your movement, but even my information is not entirely complete. I will not mislead you by claiming I know Gaia's link to this, just that there likely is one.
And I am not unreasonably petty. I am willing to put all our animosity behind us and start anew. Even if you are not willing to do the same, I am willing to make this work for us. You have more people to care for than just the Alliance, now. Do not forget them."
"A lot of words that mean nothing."
"Because you heard, but did not listen. Perhaps it will be easier this way, Penny. I want you to win."
"Explain."
"You wish to overthrow the current Sprilnav led order of the galaxy. Your path to that will likely be through mass slave revolt. A viable strategy that I could spread far beyond just this planet. And I actually agree with you. This Judgment, this utter insanity around the Alliance and your species has shown me the truth. The Elders as a class and a species cannot be trusted to rule any longer. We need new leaders. Better leaders."
"And yourself?"
"As the hypocrite that I am, and the power-hungry ruler of the Sprilnav, I would obviously exclude myself from that number. Let's be realistic. The Sprilnav will never accept a non-Elder ruler. If you wish to see what our insurgencies would be like, imagine the 2090s Struggles of Asia. Expand that to billions of planets, large and small. Countless ships and space stations. We have more collective ships than you have people. And as your military planners know, there is no such thing as an unarmed ship. Without us, without me, your plans are stillborn. Your galactic Alliance or whatever you make will fall to pieces without proper counseling. In essence, my offer to you, and you alone, is this. The galaxy, for the Sprilnav."
"Who backs your offer, with the power to give it?"
Progenitors Lecalicus and Nova appeared in the room.
"I back Kashaunta," Lecalicus wheezed.
"I observe her offer, and wish it a proper outcome," Nova said.
"Thank you, esteemed Progenitors," Kashaunta said, standing just to bow to them. Penny stared at Nova, balling her fists.
"There will be time for battle later," he said. "But not now. Hear out her request. She does not make it lightly."
The Progenitors disappeared.
"If I accept your offer, it will be on a written record."
"No. It will not be, because if that record is written, my nation will be facing war on all sides. A better idea would be for us to keep this under wraps."
"Perfect for betrayal," Nilnacrawla muttered.
"It would be, yes. But consider the second part of this situation, Nilncrawla. If word of this galactic offer, not just the Pact, were to get out, which is why two Progenitors who know the price of interference were called here, it would mean the deaths of Penny and all her kind. Or do you forget what rapidly approaches us?"
Nilnacrawla frowned. "I did. I apologize, Penny."
Kashaunta spoke up again.
"Penny. You believe I will betray you. So I make an offer of collateral. An offer so unbelievably sacred for us Elders that many would recoil at the mere thought of it. Now that you have signed a backed treaty, you are fully qualified."
Kashaunta grabbed her Soul Blade and presented it to Penny.
"What does this mean?"
"Nilnacrawla, tell her," Kashaunta said. "She will trust your mouth more than mine."
"Bonded Soul Blades are priceless artifacts," Nilnacrawla said. "To offer one to another is the ultimate gesture of trust and respect among many martial Sprilnav cultures. It can also allow for a mind bridge, a soul pact, or a proposal for marriage between two great houses, martial families, or Elders of great wealth and power. To offer this to a human... to anyone... is an ultimate sign of backing, and one of trust.
It is a sacrosanct honor, the absolute agreement of speaking truth and respect. The words I can use in any human language are insufficient to describe the weight of this honor. This gesture is one of absolute truth. Family lines with hatred going back millions of years would never dare to violate this honor."
"Only one Elder in history did so, one who once led a group known as the Stannic Resistance. He does so no longer. Penny Balica, Champion of Humanity... if there is nothing else I can give you to prove that I do really back you, there is this."
"...Just how low are my chances in the Judgment for you to resort to this?" Penny asked.
"They are not zero, but your battle with be incredibly difficult even with this boon of mine. The future of the galaxy, I now realize, hinges on the outcome of this. If we do not have enough trust, they will sniff it out, and we will fail."
So she had no choice. But as Nilncrawla continued to explain in her mind, Kashaunta was getting the worse side of the deal. Which meant she was throwing her backing behind Penny for real, beyond all reproach and retraction. Kashaunta, the most powerful Elder in the galaxy.
"And if I reject this gift, or your reasons for it?"
"Circumstances would demand that I kill you and then myself using this blade as a way to cut apart the dishonor, before my remains are dumped into a black hole to be forgotten forever. I would not do this."
"A dark and archaic custom," Penny said. She would have said more, but she looked at Nilnacrawla's face. He was clearly deeply uncomfortable. Her five words had shaken him more than anything she'd ever said to him before.
"You do not understand," Nilnacrawla said. "This is not something to joke or lie about. With a Soul Blade Pact in play, all else must cease. Right now, there is you, and there is her. Accept or decline. The choice, your only choice, is yours."
"How will this look to the Elders in the court? To the Sprilnav, and the people who back me?"
She could see how it would be a boon and a curse.
"You, and I," Kashaunta said. "The whole of the universe between us right now is you and I. No others exist until this one act is done. There will be trust or there will be death. No in between. No middle ground. The nature of this bond will be a Pact of Blades."
Conceptual energy swirled between them. Penny's natural translation, as part of the hivemind, failed for the first time ever. Her communicator likewise did not translate the words Kashaunta spoke.
"Eis nama kaste Penny Balica, sun lanci Dorima Kashaunta. Ko'ri, lanci nupa bes na Dorima'Pecunyanova. Sp'rkial'nova. Sun. Homo Sapiens."
The air grew thick with tension. It was not just emotional, either. Psychic and conceptual energy gathered. The mindscape started to distort as more and more eyes began to view Kashaunta and Penny. But all of them were Sprilnav eyes. All of them were Progenitors. Nova's appeared brightest and largest, nearly six times the size of the next largest pair. They stared at her, sending psychic and conceptual energy down upon her in waves that forced her and Kashaunta to kneel to the ground.
"I apologize for my earlier words," Penny said. "I should not have denigrated this."
Penny stood for an hour, deeply contemplating the Pact. If it was as Nilnacrawla was describing to her, it was a promise that Kashaunta would not break. If she was offering it at all, especially to Penny, it meant she had a level of trust in Penny's capability far above what Penny had previously thought. Apparently, there were even higher agreements than this that were possible, with this Pact being the lowest level of bond and considered unbreakable with the enforcement of consequences coming from the Progenitors themselves.
She thought of her place in Justicar and the wider universe. Hours passed like water. And then, by the end of it, after nearly 19 hours, Penny finally had decided. She gave a short nod to Kashaunta, who had been kneeling to Nova all this time.
Kashaunta gestured at the sword. "Tol, nopa shikai."
Nilnacrawla fed her a few suggestions on what she would need to say.
"I come to this Pact seeking peace, justice, and hope," Penny said. "And a promise not to betray one another, by lies or by treachery."
Nilnacrawla translated Kashaunta's next words to her.
"I come to this seeking trust, understanding, respect, and peace," Kashaunta said. "And a promise not to betray one another, by lies or by treachery. I make this Pact before the gods, those who equal them, and those who surpass them. I bind them to an oath of silence regarding this event, until I directly instruct them otherwise, in a state of a sound mind, body, and soul. Here, we shall step into a future that needs both of us, casting aside that which is unimportant to focus on the ultimate goals we have. I offer my Blade to Penny Balica, of species Homo Sapiens. In this way, we forge a new future, and walk a new path. I accept the Pact."
"I accept the Pact."
Nova and a hundred Progenitors descended. Nova grew larger, and Kashaunta knelt to him. Penny remained standing. His sharp teeth glittered in the light. He pressed his claws to Penny's chest, and to Kashaunta's chest.
"The Pact of Blades is made before the Progenitors. We agree to your vow of silence. The penalty of breaking it will be dismemberment and disposal into a black hole. Penny Balica, Engineer Kashaunta. To break this Pact without mutual agreement is to call down our collective wrath upon yourselves. You both have agreed, and are of sound mind, body, and soul. The Pact is forged. By sword, by word, by action. I, Nova, Everlasting, Lord of the Progenitors, King of all Sp'rkial'nova, Heir to the Mantle of Power, Heir to Narvravarana, Progenitor, Elder, and Sprilnav, declare the deed done, etched in time, space, and Reality."
They winked out of existence one by one, leaving Penny and Kashaunta alone, to ponder the future. Penny's thoughts turned to the Judgment, and her confidence she could win it began to waver. How much worse was this Judgment going to be than before?
Penny stared at Kashaunta's Soul Blade. With careful fingers, she took it. Kashaunta sat up, satisfied.
"Now we can begin. I shall compile all the news about you I can find, and we shall see how to address the questions the High Judges will ask. Now that you trust me, I cannot betray you."

Link if it's hard to read in this post: https://jordankligman.substack.com/p/ontario-intentionally-denying-health
Who Is Denying Health Care?
I’d like to tell you this is an outlier, but across the board patients are getting denied access to health care. How do I know? It’s happening to me.
Family Doctors Are Denying Health Care
What do family doctors do? They don’t do physicals anymore. Their jobs is essentially order referrals and requisitions. They don’t even do that well. Roughly half of my referrals don’t go through. I had a previous family doctor use my entire appointment to lecture me on getting the COVID vaccine. I had already had my first dose and was scheduled to get my second shot at the time. Keep in mind I had that doctor’s appointment because I have serious physical pain. The doctor wasn’t interested in treating me. He was interested in pushing a specific ideology. I’ve had the Pfizer COVID vaccine in total five times. I was overdue for my tetanus vaccine. I had to ask during three different appointments before I was granted that vaccine. This is absurd.
What’s more absurd is I have had multiple family doctors reject me as a patient. Health Care Connect, a government funded service, claimed these doctors were accepting new patients but they weren’t. I found one doctor on my own that was accepting new patients. The receptionist made me bring a printout out of my prescriptions as if I was a drug addict. After waiting a month for my appointment to meet this doctor he refused to take me as a patient. Claimed he couldn’t help me. He didn’t even ask for the prescription printouts. He couldn’t give me an answer as to why he couldn’t help me. So I asked him to put in it in writing he was declining me as a patient. He declined to do so and said he wasn’t obligated to do so.
Walk-in Doctors Are Denying Health Care
I requested imaging to try to find the source of my pain from a walk-in doctor. They claim they sent the requisition. A year later and the hospital the requisition was supposedly sent to had no record of it. So I went back to the walk-in clinic to try to get them to resend the referral. Instead of seeing a doctor this time they gave me a physicians assistant. The PA refused to resend my imaging referral. Told me to go to the emergency room to get my imaging. I thought the entire point of a walk-in clinic was to keep people out of the ER? I’ve since been to the ER. No they won’t just giving you imaging if you ask even if you are prepared to wait 5+ hours. I demanded a copy of the requisition for the imaging from the walk-in clinic they claim they initially sent. I scanned it in and emailed to the hospital.
Hospitals Are Denying Health Care
Even with the requisition dated a year earlier they would not honour the requisition. It gets worse. Multiple hospitals have denied me health care. An ER doctor looked at my medical records and essentially denied me health care. He basically inferred since other doctors couldn’t find the source of my pain he wasn’t going to waste his time thinking about it. He ordered bloodwork to confirm I wasn’t actively dying and then kicked me out. I signed up for a virtual emergency call with another hospital as recommended to me by telehealth. That hospital nurse during the call denied me care because she said they don’t do second opinions. So I said fine get me an appointment with any doctor of your choosing. She then claimed where I lived wasn’t in the catchment zone for that hospital. I’ve been to this hospital many times. I have an outstanding referral that has gone unanswered from this hospital. Changing the reason mid conversation as to why I am being denied health care seems like a lot of nonsense. A finally my favourite hospital. That’s sarcasm because this third hospital scanned the wrong part of my body and then lied about it. Not only did they bully my family doctor into taking the blame for this error, but they had all my personal information wrong. This hospital thought I was in a wheelchair. They also had the wrong phone number for me. It was a area code for a city not even in the Greater Toronto Area. All I wanted from this hospital was an apology and for them to fix their mistake. The PR person from this hospital told me they were taking steps to ensure this would never happen again. I asked what steps were taking place. I was not given an coherent answer. They gave me another scan, but I have no idea if that was even done correctly. I tried to confirm with the technician what part of my body they were scanning. Her response was that she is doing the requisition called for. So no steps to ensure correct scans were being done. The extra radiation from another CT scan probably isn’t ideal but what I am more concerned about is the dye. My scan didn’t call for dye, but at some point the hospital changed the scan and decided it was a good idea to inject me with dye for a scan I didn’t need my I remind you.
The Government Is Denying Health Care
I have tried to get in touch with the Minister of Health for Ontario, Sylvia Jones. All I get back is a copy paste form letter that doesn’t relate to my situation. I have spoken to my local MPP. She was defending the doctors that denied me care. Then claimed the government is hiring more family doctors. Not sure how that related to my situation, but okay… Then she asked me if I was open to private health care. My response was I was open on a contingency basis, but I don’t think she understood me. If a private doctor could can diagnosis me I’ll pay whatever their fee is. If they phone it in and cannot figure anything out I don’t agree with private health care. The problem is private health is rampant in Ontario. So much so it’s a two-tier system. From my understanding private health care was not currently legal in Ontario, but there are loopholes. These private doctors sell yearly subscriptions ranging from $3000 to $10,000/year. I’ve heard speculation that some of these private clinics may even charge as much as $20,000 but I have been unable to verify that claim. It’s kind of hard when these clinics don’t post their rates online and operate in the shadows.
https://jordankligman.substack.com/p/ontario-intentionally-denying-health

One of my LORs (a medicine-adjacent non-science teacher within my minor) is making me a little nervous because they keep asking for more and more information about me. They want a resume and separate essay about my candidacy and background. I have already sent my transcript, my Personal Statement, and my entire activities section to them.
They have already written some medicine LORs in the past, but I am concerned that their essay may be unfocused from the actions and character that they have directly witnessed from me, given the type and quantity of external information I am providing. I have a good relationship with this person, but I don’t want my app to be hurt unintentionally by an LOR.
How do I resolve this? Do I politely send an email clarifying the focus of this letter, provide the desired info and then clarify, or do I just pray that they write well and maintain focus within their writing?
Any advice would be appreciated.

On another Korean subreddit:

• Parent Accusing Me of Sexual Misconduct
• School is asking me to hide from the parents and come to work in private

If you have your blackbelt in Hagwon Ju Jitsu, the first thing (and this is what I DM'd the user) is to be highly suspicious of the take-down move going for the legs of "A parent / student said" maneuver. In search bar: Hagwon: Phantom Complaints. How to Fight Back
My clairvoyant comment 4 years ago:

If they need to get you out in a hurry, expect the scare tactic, "You molested a kid! Quick! Run to the airport and leave us all your money before we call the police!" -Hmmm, funny the PARENTS didn't call the police instead of the money-grubbing Hagwon owner.

The first 🚩 red flag 🚩 is, most places on earth would not have the staff contact you about a serious misdeed. The first time you heard about it would be a knock on your door from the police, and be told not to return to work until the situation has been resolved. This is because you are a flight risk and informing you of a crime would be the stupidest thing they could do. A Hagwonite mulling over whether to have the police involved is a clear sign it's made up. If an accusation is serious enough to be made by anyone, then there would be an official complaint made to the authorities. They would quickly take it from there, no one would tip you off the wheels were in motion.

Also, I was told to move out of my apartment to make way for a new teacher, I am constantly being micromanaged, surveilled, and pulled into arguments, and now I'm receiving messages that a parent is accusing me of sexual misconduct.

🚩 Red flag #2 is that the relationship has been increasingly threatening, abusive, hostile etc. The foreigner hasn't taken the hint that they are not wanted and should pack up and head out, Midnight Run it. The Achilles heel of Hagwonites is to push the shame on to the target. They QUIT, couldn't handle it, were failures, left us high & dry without notice, broke the contract, have to stack classes on the other teachers, everyone is a victim because of their selfish actions! They don't want to fire people except as a last resort due to labor laws and looking like they abused a person that didn't do anything wrong. Search bar: Resign, or I will harass you until you do!

First, it was all the arguments, one of which included the director screaming at me and almost crying on the phone at 8 pm while driving because I taught the students to spell "Cabbage" instead of "Lettuce".

--Never underestimate the depths a Hagwonite will stoop, to make a mountain out of a molehill. They are not very smart to begin with, so they find the smallest turn-signal violation and exaggerate it into a 1st degree felony. That's happened to me, and I simply responded, "Yeah, so what?" I didn't allow them to drag me in to apologizing, groveling, get into the weeds about literally nothing, or any of that. The argument for the next 10 minutes was whether it was important or not, and if the subject was befitting someone in a management position who should be able to discern things that need attention and things that can be ignored. The intent is to harass and they won't leave until they have exhausted all of their energy and are happy with the victim's response to it. I concluded by saying it was not important and I'm not changing anything. They can teach the class themselves if they think they can go the entire day without making a single error.
🚩 Red flag #3, ridiculous reasons and excuses, -no evidence.

I eventually received a call from the director telling that one of the parents believes that her daughter saw my private area in the bathroom (I am a male teacher and this accusation or anything close to it never occurred)

1. Oh yeah? Which parent? What's the student's name, which classroom of mine is she in, what time did this occur, and why would she be in the men's bathroom? Let me see the CCTV footage?
2. It's so weak, it's obviously made up. The foreigner would certainly have seen a student of the opposite gender in his bathroom and told them to leave and would not have unzipped anything if that happened.
3. What is a student doing entering or peeping into the men's rest room in the first place? That sounds like student misconduct to me. Why isn't the parent being told to correct their child's behavior and none of this would be an issue?
4. It's not illegal to pull your junk out in the rest room and try to relieve yourself, that's what it's for, it's not the hallway or classroom.

In the follow-up: School is asking me to hide from the parents and come to work in private
is by-the-numbers attempt to continue to harass, but the director doesn't know what to do after a lawyer was called. So first it was a "major" problem of exposing himself to a student, then when a lawyer contacts the school, that was an even bigger error by the employee. Wow, no one can ever do anything right in that place.

Fast forward, the attorney contacted the school, the school says no police were coming to talk to me, but instead, the school talked to the police already on my behalf and I will not be talking to police, so I shouldn't worry.

--NONE OF THIS HAPPENED! Ask the attorney to call the precinct and ask for a copy of the POLICE REPORT. They have to fill out any interaction with the public so it's not all from memory, even if no action is taken. The next officer that fields a call about it, can pull up the report and get a summary of events, dates, names etc.
Yeah, "don't worry" I talked to the police about your felony charge, fine, deportation, and de-escalated the situation for you. You're welcome!

AND IT JUST GETS STUPIDER

Now, my school is asking me to no longer come to work at 9 am and greet the parents, but instead, come to work 30 minutes earlier, hide from the parents, not teach kindergarten anymore, and sit behind a computer on a different floor, alone, doing random administrative tasks.

--A blackbelt would NEVER come in to work 30 minutes earlier without pay, should come a hour later since he's not teaching anyway. He should absolutely make his presence known to the parents and children so that the lies they were told, would visually be false. They are trying to hide the employee until they quit or get fired, or may have already told everyone a lie that he ran off w/o notice, because that's what they were expecting from the false sexual exposure claim.
Why cooperate? Come down from 2nd floor, walk around, enter the classroom, say hi to everyone when they show and leave.
Why would the other 4 foreigners cooperate? This is a serious accusation, they should all refuse work until the director is made to apologize and reinstate the teacher.
They are apparently bleeding student numbers, are in way over their heads, barely a year old, are over-staffed now, and need to shed labor costs. A foreigner strike would be the nail in the coffin. They would have to reverse themselves, or face foreclosure in about a week after parents yank their kids not having a NET teaching them.
A golden opportunity to bring them to their knees will undoubtedly be totally wasted. It's like the entire defense fell down, and the person with the ball is not sure whether they should go for a lay-up or not.....ridiculous.

Hi! I'm interviewing for an art teacher job at a STEM magnet school this Thursday.
I'm not a teacher and didn't go to school for teaching, so I'm honestly pretty clueless. I just (i'm talking 4 days ago) graduated from a well-known art college and am moving to kind of a dinky little midwestern city where this school is. While I have been a teaching assistant at the college level, I think I mostly got this interview because of my college's name and maybe an enthusiastic cover letter.
So yeah, I'm a little lost and not even sure if I'm qualified for this! Would love to hear advice about interviews, whats different about magnet schools, and if you would recommend I even go for this or not.
Thank you!

This letter is for my girl. I love you. I only want you. I only see a future with you. I miss you. Let’s talk soon. I need to hear your voice.
XoXO
do not love just because
I am a fool in love
Goofing and gaffing
Detonating all love faux pas
I ardently and breathlessly love deep into the recesses of your heart
Your orbs have beheld and admired the captivating wonders of ancient civilization
Your optics have the accuracy and precision of an X-ray
To distinguish between fierce, boundless love and ooly-drooly infatuation
My adoration and devotion are often misconceived and underestimated
My physical displays of affection and words of affirmation were not surreptitiously and disgeniously orchestrated
Love is bittersweet
Agathokakological (contradictory)
A tragicomic like, “The Merchant of Venice”
A poisonous berry like Nightshade
Our love does not emulate the blueprint
Or adhere to the model of a perfect triangle
Our love is quintessential and sublimate in its own way
A blissful parfait
The tailor-made proportion, congruity, and harmony of intimacy, passion and commitment
You dubiously wavered and distrusted me and my love for you
Because your lenses were obfuscated and befuddled
Obstructing a spiritual awakening and breakthrough
Your confusion retarding and stonewalling your point of view
Words, actions, and intentions mused, assumed, and misconstrued
I love faithfully and steadfastly with high-minded principles
Integrity, virtue, honor, righteousness, and goodness
Unconditionally, truthfully and wholeheartedly
No diabolical motivations
No closeted skeletons
No quid pro quo
Please do not restrain, repress or restrict out of fear of meeting in disaster
Or of belly-whopping and belly-flopping
Bounce, bound, vault carefree
Catapult into an airborne, aerial descent with me
Free-fall
Leapfrog
Balloon
Parachute
I recognized and understood that I hungered for you for a long time
Like a famished Ethiopian deficient on mealtimes
I love the whole caboodle that you are
The wrecked, the prickly, the complete and the 24-carat authentic superstar
It took forever and a day for the universe to prep and prime you for my deserving love
Love is an emotion and a choice
Our behavior and actions establish and rule whether love extinguishes or endures
I covet a few intentions and wishes for us Long and lust with our eyes
Inspire, exalt, elevate, and empathize
Tune in, listen, and be all ears
Acknowledge, accept and appreciate each other
Hierarchize, synchronize, harmonize and apologize
Our love is a melding linkage that cracks, cleaves and crushes any prescripts and axioms
Propagating and perpetuating all things osculating and aphrodisia to be desired

First Reddit post ever… apologize if this is the incorrect place.
I feel like many of our questions are rather simple but I cannot seem to find answers. Our HOA seems to have it out for us. The only reasoning I can come up with is most of the homeowners are original owners from when the homes were built. All elderly. ALL. We seem to be the first young couple to buy a home in the area, and this is the only conclusion I can come to as to why we’re being targeted. Below is a random list of things that have occurred over the first few years.
I would like to preface with ALL of the events below have happened on the day the board walks the neighborhood to review properties

1. People have come onto our property and removed a flag and flag pole and put it in our backyard. The flag and pole is completely in line with HOA rules and was actually there when we bought the house and we chose to keep it up. We never received a letter or request to take it down. Just came home one day to it disassembled and tossed in our back yard.
   
2. We have a small walkway that goes behind our backyard that is very highly trafficked. When we would have friends over it would get blocked by their cars (though completely legally parked by law and hoa rules) One of our friends came back to their car with a not so nicely written letter to not block the walkway. Keep in mind it is not a driveway or for house access it is for… walking your dog etc. through the neighborhood. We made an effort to ask all of our friends to not block it. One night my sister was leaving and came back to dog shit smeared all across her windshield.
   
3. Someone is using our trash can on trash days to expose of excessive amounts of dog waste. As far as I’ve been able to find this is actually illegal. It’s not just one baggy from a walk etc. I will come home on the day of trash disposal to it already having an amount of baggies exceeding people walking by. I wrote the hoa about this, and the board president responded in a nasty way how it was our fault for leaving the cans out too long after removal. I work all day and put them away as soon as I’m home…her remark basically justifying it was absurd to me.
   
4. We like to use a drying rack and have yet to put one up because we must submit an architecture approval form before putting one up. Taking 40-70 days to get approved. My understanding is in California they cannot impose unreasonable restrictions on the racks themselves, but can they require approval before putting them up?
   

There are many, many other things that have taken place but this gives the general idea. We’re just looking for a solution. I feel as though installing security cameras would fix a lot of our problems just as a deterrent but I’m concerned they would reject the application for installation. Any ideas of how we me may approach this? It may be a single individual we’re dealing with. But based on the responses we receive when expressing concerns it seems as though they’re all “out to get us”
Thanks in advance.

So I made this comment to another person's post recently about her feeling annoyed at the teachestudent relationship in Maxton Hall and that it wasn't being properly addressed as toxic. I agree. But that's hardly my only issue with the show. Because a lot of really young people are into these genres, I feel the need to address these points as someone who's actually lived the Ruby/James storyline, different ways and multiple times. A veteran, one might say. You can take my statements as a grain of salt, or whatever you like, but may those who have ears listen:
Spoilers throughout if someone hasn't finished the season:
This is the thing...I actually find the lead actors cute and super talented even despite this being a genre that I find deplorably predictable and drab. I actually only got invested to improve my German, sadly now I'm actually invested in the characters at this point despite me seeing everything that's going to happen a mile away, because a lot of these writers who may actually be creative but stifle it for the sake of hashing out another "proven to make money" storyline that has been recreated time and time again. Yes, the teachestudent situation is problematic not because they're both consenting individuals who or of age, but because apparently they knew each long before which hints that she would've most likely have been a minor when the relationship took form. Maybe people who have read the books can shed better light on the matter.
Beyond that, my biggest issue with these common bad boy meets good girl trope shows beyond how oversaturated the romance world is with these stories (damn, not even a reversal like good boy meets bad girl), is the very negative expectations they put on real girls out there. These stories fuel the idea that they "can fix him" and even those overly toxic traits he possesses should be downplayed in some way, and even the slightest redeemable qualities he shows should be made out as holy. This is one of the large reasons I hate this genre. For example, despite James's slight transition in S1 (and yes, I'm fully aware that he will most likely continue to change for the better in some ways), to say I think Ruby deserves better is an understatement. Women/girls keep fawning over the swimming pool scene where he saves Ruby, but I was honestly pissed at him for this whole catastrophic scenario and how it unfolded. Firstly, he invited her to this godforsaken hive of scum and villainy of a party despite him knowing full well this is not normally her scene, ignores Ruby's actualized fears of pupils teasing hedisliking her for being with James, and gives her an invitation into the lion's den thinking she'll come out unscathed? For someone who hints at himself having an impressive GPA, I'm not impressed by his lack of logical deduction. When viewed from this perspective, the blame of Ruby getting pushed into the pool and being triggered into a panic attack that nearly got her drowned largely rests on James's shoulders, especially as one of the sole people at that party claiming to "care" about her. Despite this, no open moment from James of reflection of responsibility for what took place there and nothing even remotely resembling an apology not even the following morning of the incident, but rather even gave off the impression that it wasn't even that big of a deal. He sent a text asking if she was doing better (not even the first text the following morning, mind you), and that was the end of that. Not a question or care more before a slew of flirting between the two. Of course, at that point Ruby is already infatuated with him, so it makes little difference. But to someone from the outside looking in, the selfishness and ambivalence is glaringly obvious.
It's an ongoing theme in S1 that apparently getting apologies out of James is like pulling teeth (another highly toxic masculinity trait that we need to stop treating with humor or something "enduring" when interest is involved). I believe I counted him saying it only twice in the last episodes and it was always backed by some sort of excuse "but I did it because I was embarrassed by my parents...sorry, but I can't...my father...etc." In reality he's been needing to give proper apologies since the show began, but the moment he finally formulates the words, it's always accompanied by some excuse? Immaturity. What was the topper on the cake for me and an ultimate red flag (yes, yes...it's fantasy, a show...but in real life, run for the hills), he continues to take decisions that should normally involve both of them, into his own hands and gravely gauging her whims wrongly in these situations. First with the poster of them, then again ending the relationship in order to "protect" her. He's very creative at finding solutions when it's getting back at Ruby for things in the beginning, but now he's just willing to throw in the towel anytime he has to fight for their relationship? Again questioning his logical capabilities and even his intentions at this point. Perhaps it's actually just rooted in him being afraid of commitment after a life of whoring himself out to hush people up or a slew of one night stands which has left him detached? If not, as I suspect it isn't, a form of self-sabotage due to his father's hold on him. I know it's most likely the latter, and as relatable and sad as that may be, this is catastrophic and needs therapy to get resolved. Rose-tinted romance isn't going to fix that (trust me, speaking from experience, girlies). And to make matters worse, I can read the handwriting on the wall from the last episode ending, that James is liable to take matters into his own hands again and hurt Ruby because he keeps trying to decide what HE thinks is best for HER life. I'm not a teen or in my early twenties watching this show, so I tend to view these from a mother hen type of perspective. If you see a guy like James Beaufort, it might be entertaining on TV or film, but in REAL life, run for the hills unless you have written proof he's attending therapy and counselling for his issues and start seeing a difference. My interest in the show is starting to wane after already guessing (like most things in this show and others of its genre) what's coming next season...such as James getting cold feet, taking executive control of their relationship again and bailing...very sure. I don't even need to read the books for that. I've lived this, girlies.
Hopefully, the writers exceed my expectations and do something unexpected. As I said in another post, it wouldn't be the most drastic of plot twists, but make the chauffeur the old flame James's mother was alluded to and have James secretly be his kid, which would give light on why he acts like a father figure (or at least the closest positive one James has) and his passionate defense of James. That would maybe keep me invested and one my toes knowing there are actually all these secrets being unraveled. Okay, anyway, that's my rant on this. That was waaay too long. Bye.

Hello Folks. Sweetie here, with a "lovely" memory that popped up when I was chatting with a friend.
((TW: Mentions of an authority figure laying hands on a minor, womanly issues, and a very, VERY pissed me....Oh and Light cursing..))
This takes me back to the early 00s. I was in high school and....was not doing good. I was undiagnosed and I refused medication (because I was a teen and knew all and nothing at the same time). This happened when it was assembly day (for school spirit or some other nonsense) and we were being herded into the gym like cattle...
This was the day my "Aunty Flo" decided to "bless" me that day. So, I did the only thing I could do... RUN FOR THE FUCKING BATHROOM! I ran so fast that I practically left scorch marks on the floor. Luckily I had my purse with me and was quite prepared. So, I tidied myself up, washed my hands and walked out of the bathroom. Upon my exit I was met with an extremely red faced teacher's aid (let's dub him "Grippy").
Immediately, I was grabbed by the shoulders, pinned to the wall and then shook as Grippy yelled at me.... I could make out "Thought you left", "dangerous out there" and "tell an ADULT!" Dude was almost foaming at the mouth screaming at me. I was already in intense pain and he made it worse, so I did what I could, which was "Just nod, apologize and say ok"..
APPARENTLY, my voice "sounded off", but he released me... THE NEXT DAY I was taken to the dean for "inappropriate conduct" . Grippy was there and said " I only see you as a student. I am married."
Can we say "OH HELL NAW!"..... Grippy thought I "enjoyed being touched by a male teacher's Aid".. After all that I went home, waltzed into the bathroom and vomited to the point where I almost lost my voice. I then proceeded to laugh and cry at the same time!
I may not have many standards back then, BUT THAT MAN MET NONE OF THEM! I know these days I have to be inclusive, but fuck bruh..... What the unholy FUCK......
Now, I know I was in the wrong for not telling anyone, but if I waited longer I would be in a puddle of blood. I had to visit the nurse for a thicker pad....Also my pain was like being repeatedly stabbed by white hot sabers....
TL;DR: Teacher's aid laid hands on me then told me it was my fault....
Thanks for reading....Take care and remember to take your medication.....

Alright, this might be a long one due to my current emotional state. I found out today I’m being non renewed. I’m a first year English teacher. My boss explained it’s due to budget cuts, and she was having to let multiple people go. She gave me the option of resigning or letting my contract run out. She told me it might look better if I resign, since I’m a first year teacher. What do ya’ll think would be the best? I’m just worried about finances here. I hear some teachers can apply for unemployment, but that might vary state to state.
This year has been crazy. I have struggled with whether teaching is for me or not. I don’t know how to feel about this. This year has been tough because I was figuring out my teaching style and how to do things. I feel like if I was given a second chance here, I really could have done it. Now, I don’t know whether to apply for other teaching jobs or take this as a blessing in disguise and run.
My boss said they would write me a letter of recommendation and that my observation scores are all average or where they expect a first year teacher to be. They also mentioned that they think I would be better suited for the high school level than middle school based on the way I teach. I’m not sure how to take that statement.
All I know is that I have to survive a field trip tomorrow and a ceremony afterwards. I have to pretend to be okay because it’s not fair to the students. All I want to do is lick my wounds, but I owe it to the kids I’ve worked with all year to be there.

I don't know if anyone remembers but, approximately a month ago, I was bitten/nipped by an American Bull Terrier in my apartment elevator.
OP here: https://www.reddit.com/BanPitBulls/comments/1c4hiwp/just_got_nipped_by_an_american_bull_terrier_in_an/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Welp, I reported it to my property manager (I rent) and the strata, the handyman/owner spoke directly to the dog's owner, he adviced him the dog Must be muzzled anywhere on property and that he is lucky it was me and not a child or senior.
The dog's owner stopped by our apartment with an apology letter and box of chocolate, he seemed genuinely remorseful and and I reassured him that I held no resentment/hard feelings and just wanted to ensure the dog was muzzled, for it's own sake, in the future.
All fine and dandy right?
Nope!
We're in the process of moving and I stopped by the apartment to grab some more stuff, I step out of the elevator and WHO'S FUCKING THERE? Unmuzzled?
The bull terrier, of Course!
I legitimately jumped a little when the elevator doors opened and I was face to face with it again, my own reaction surprised me a bit. It also lunged forward slightly.
I made pleasantries, went inside and immediately called the ownehandyman (a lovely older gentlemen), he sounded More pissed as I was and said 'I HAVE to report it to the Rangers now! They'll have to seize the dog, why didn't he just bloody muzzle it!'
So, unfortunately, seems like a sad ending. The dog doesn't deserve to be a cosmetic accessory to a walking mid-life crisis and the poor bugger is probably gonna be the one paying the price.

Apologies in advance if this is a dumb question. I received a letter to allow me to reduce taxes at source for 2024 but because I applied late I only provided the letter to my employer at the end of April.
However, I've noticed since submitting the letter to my employer they've only reduced my federal tax by 24 dollars on my paycheck.
For context, my employer has included the correct number from the letter in the taxes section of my employee record as "reduction of tax at source" but I'm not understanding how the value of around 4k only becomes 24 dollars back on my paycheck.
I've already reached out to them but thought it wouldn't hurt to ask here if anyone has any information about typically how much would actually be returned to my paycheck following completing t1213 etc?

Demographics:

• Gender: Male
• Race: White
• Residence: Suburbs outside of Philadelphia, PA
• Income bracket: Upper Middle Class
• Intended Majors: Chemical or Mechanical Engineering

Academics:

• 4.0 unweighted GPA (4.23 on a 4.5 scale where honors are +0.25 and AP is +0.5)
• My school doesn't do class rankings
• 1560 SAT (800 Math)
• Will finish high school with 12 APs although I'm only in my Junior year so I'm only taking/have taken 7
• All 5s on the 3 AP exams I've taken
• Unless I choked probably another 3 5's and a 4 after how my current exams went

Extracurriculars:

• FBLA: Made it to states twice for FBLA in Mobile App Development, placed 9th last year and 3rd this year and am now attending nationals where I probably will not place top 10 but who knows maybe I'm the goat. I am running for PR this year (No clue if I'm winning)
• Student Council: I was a chair for our school charity drive and a chair for a school dance we held and have 40+ volunteer hours in the club and am running for Historian this year (No clue if I'm winning once again)
• Tutoring Club: I am currently PR in our schools tutoring club so I run a social media although not much has been posted on it and also look through application on who to accept or deny as a tutor
• STEM Club: A little weaker since it's mostly just in house competitions but I am an active member and also am running for an officer position since a lot of officers are graduating and I'm one of the most active members but I probably won't win.
• Track and Field: I ran indoor and outdoor track and field my freshman and sophomore years and only did not run this year due to a knee injury that I've been going to physical therapy for
• NHS: I have literally done nothing in this club yet other than my 10 hours that were required.
• MiniTHON: My school hosts their own version of Penn State's "THON" where we stand for 10 hours and raise awareness for pediatric cancer. I was a part of the Business Outreach Management committee and went door to door to businesses in order to get businesses to sponsor our event as well as raising over $100 for the event outside of just businesses
• Part Time Job: I work at MOD Pizza and have worked there for roughly a year now where I've had to train numerous new employees. In the summer I work 4 days a week and in the school year I work 1-2 a week.
• German NHS (Basically nothing)

Awards:

• 9th place at Pennsylvania FBLA's State Leadership Conference in Mobile Application Development
• 3rd place at Pennsylvania FBLA's State Leadership Conference in Mobile Application Development
• Student of the Month (IK this doesn't mean a lot I just have few awards unfortunately)
• 1 time Thanksgiving football champion as starting running back (Strongest EC)

Letters of Rec:

• I asked for one from my English teacher who should write some gas and then I'm between my math and bio teacher because they both know me well and I feel like my math teacher likes me more but my bio teacher might write a better one but then again the math teacher might spend more time on one because he gets asked less for them but yeah.

Essay:

• I've only drafted my essay and not many people have looked at it but it certainly isn't bad so ill give it a 5-6/10 for now but hopefully I can make it not ass cuz otherwise I'm cooked

Schools that stick out for me that I'd want to apply to of many different difficulties and that are in no particular order:

1. Drexel
2. University of Michigan
3. GA Tech (I realize that this is a big reach)
4. University of Maryland, College Park
5. Notre Dame
6. UT Austin
7. University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign (Grainger)

The list is very incomplete and I have yet to visit some of these campuses but I was wondering as of now what my odds would be at some of these schools and what I might have to do in the future in order to have a better shot at getting into these places

(Updated a misspelled word)
If you think of honors, you would think that it would be a place where kids will be able to learn without disruptions, but this is not the case - "unsmart" and "dumb" kids fill the honors system with their unique troubles, disrupting classes, and generally being a nuisance.
My solution to this problem is honors impeachment. Similar to a presidential impeachment or a ousting within the government, series of inquiries and votes will decide whether a student should be removed from the honors system or not. The system will require "jury panel" groups of students from every grade (2 groups of 13 and 5 groups of 7 from each grade - groups subject to frequent change), and a impeachment secretary (their job is to organize and facilitate the process that will be explained below). Currently, this will not require an extra room or permanent space.
The system will work like this: First, an inquiry is sent by a student against another student in their official class. The impeachment secretary will check the inquiry to determine whether the inquiry should be dismissed or continue to the voting stage. If it is dismissed, the student must file another inquiry if he wishes to try again. If the inquiry is approved, the official class will hold a vote to decide whether to keep the kid in honors or remove him. There must be at least 70% class approval to remove the kid for the kid to move on to the jury process. If over 50% but less than 70% of the class approve to remove him, a single revote will be considered at the discretion of the impeachment secretary. If the removal vote receives less than 50% approval, the process will end and another inquiry must be filed to start the process over again. If the kid makes it to the jury process after the first vote or the revote, a random group of 7 jurors will decide on the case. They can only decide his removal sentence (innocent verdict prohibited to prevent corruption). The minimum sentence is 2 weeks removal, and the longest/worst is permanent removal for the school year. The impeachment secretary has no control nor authority over the jury panel. Once the kid is sentenced, he may file an appeal by receiving 3 recommendation letters (1 from his past honors teacher, 1 from his current teacher, and 1 from a school official, such as a dean or AP). If he procures these letters, he may file an appeal. A jury panel of 13 will decide whether to keep his sentence or drop it and restore him to his past honors class. The impeachment secretary has the ability to override the jury panel of 13’s decision in this case. Otherwise, the kid must serve his sentence.
This process and proposal may sound crazy, but it has racked a lot of support and comments praising its anti-corruption procedures. An anonymous student of 825 said ”If they make this, we can finally have a perfect class”. Another student from a different class said “There’s no way someone can rig the vote with this”. With the support the program has collected so far, it will be easy, fast, and effective to put this program in place.
Ending, my point is that the school should create a honors impeachment system to remove disruptive or “not supposed to be in honors” kids without much trouble.

I apologize in advance for the long post, but I'm mostly just confused about all of this.
Long story short, we let our yard get a bit out of hand over the spring; we had gotten used to not having to mow or anything over the winter, and then some medical challenges came up, and the yard got a bit overgrown. However, when I say overgrown, it wasn't so crazy we had to hire professionals- we started a few weeks ago and pretty immediately got it back to normal.
However, today we received a letter (we're in Augusta, GA) from the county code enforcement people saying that we were in violation of a code about nuisances. We have 10 days to let them know we've fixed up the yard, and then we have to pay a re-inspection fee.
My main question is: how enforceable is a code like this? There's no definition of what constitutes "overgrown", it just says "overgrown grass and weeds." (Augusta GA title 7 chapter 2 section 7-2-1 and 7-2-2) How are we supposed to know (I mean, we won't have this issue again, this was literally a one-time issue because of the circumstances) how far the yard is allowed to grow? It just feels very vague and more like a sort of Fear tactic rather than an actual enforceable code.
Like I said, we've already fixed the yard way before we even received this notice, so we'll just call for the re-inspection and pay the $50 or whatever it is, but I'm very mad that this is still a thing we have to worry about when we specifically chose this house because it's not in an HOA and have been living here for about 3 years now with no problems.

I am a floater who has only been working in daycare for about 5 months and I also don't have my ECE yet. My degree is in Youth Ministry (in ministry there is a difference between youth and children, youth=teens), but I have many years of experience working with kids in settings other than daycare. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I am disciplining a child and another teacher walks into the situation and sees me, for example: with a crying child, pulling a child away from another kid, speaking firmly with a child, etc., and they don't know the context, and even when I tell them the context, they play good cop and make me the bad guy in the child's eyes. I always feel like they are judging me.
Here are some examples: A child is climbing on something and the situation has become unsafe. The child won't come down on his own after being asked nicely. I remove him but he keeps running back to climb again, trying to push past me, and has started crying. Another teacher steps in who has witnessed the whole thing and starts rubbing his back and telling him he is not in trouble in a soft voice after he completely ignored my soft polite voice, then my more firm voice when I asked him to walk away after he was removed from the play structure.
A two year old cannot keep her hands off of her older brother and keeps hitting, grabbing, and pulling him. After being asked to stop by me and her brother, I pull her off of him but she keeps repeating the behaviour. Finally I pick her up and she is crying and saying she won't apologize to her brother. The other teacher walks in and I tell her what happened and she pinches the kid's cheeks and says "leave your brother alone" in the same tone as like "you silly goose" or something and then she takes her from my arms and the child is laughing.
I've already spoken about a particular child who doesn't seem to like any of his teachers apart from one. He is a very difficult child and often hits, pushes, screams at, grabs toys from, etc., other children and treats most of his teachers pretty much the same way and will even bite us. Whenever one of us is trying to discipline him, he will scream at, hit, throw toys at, and/or bite us, then run to his favourite teacher who will pick him up and comfort him and after she's told what he did, she will either do nothing or just say to him "uh oh, not nice" in a "whoopsie!" kind of tone. When I got bit the other day she didn't do a thing and she was right there.
A kid was repeatedly throwing sand in the sandbox. The lead teacher would remove any kid from the sandbox after doing this once, so after a few times, I removed this child and he ran away. I have a great relationship with this kid and I just wanted to explain to him that if he wants to stay in the sandbox, he can't throw sand. I was playfully chasing him around outside like "I'm gonna getcha!" and he was laughing and then I said that I wanted to talk to him so I plopped him on my lap for a second. He wasn't even resisting or anything and kept getting distracted and saying funny things when I was trying to talk to him. Another teacher from very afar just saw me remove him from the sandbox, run after him, and plop him on my lap and immediately started barking my name and then asked what the child had done. Being in the middle of everything, I just gave her a quick answer and then my next free moment she rudely told me to go home. It was around the time I'm usually dismissed, but she had said that my coworker and I could go at the same time, but then when I tried to clean up a few things on my way out to make HER job easier, she rudely repeated for me to go home while she stood and chatted with my otjer coworker who was also supposed to be leaving. A simple misunderstanding where I was heavily judged and treated rudely without even an attempt at hearing my side of things.
A child has been biting, hitting and pushing the other kids all day and has just had a recent bite incident and is crying after being removed from the other kids. Another teacher asks why she is crying and I say "she has bitten three times today and has just bitten (baby)". The other teacher says "3 bites in the span of...what?" and then tells the biter to go seek comfort from her older sister. Does it matter how recent the other 2 bites were? I don't understand.
I don't resort to physically removing a child unless they are going to get hurt or they are hurting other children. For the sand one, I was following what the lead teacher was doing. I only chased the child and put him on my lap not because throwing sand was such a serious offense, but because "I'm gonna getcha" is like a little game with this kid, and I wouldn't put a kid on my lap who didn't want to be there but he was laughing and was clearly okay with it to the point he couldn't even pay attention to what I was saying because he was talking to me too much.
I feel like my coworkers don't trust me and they undermine me. There are kids who don't even view me as their teacher and will tell me they don't have to listen to me because I'm not their teacher when I am.
Any advice? I hate pulling out my firm voice and always speak softly and politely first. I still say please when I'm firm. I never yell. I hate having to touch a child as a form of discipline (pulling them away from a situation). Am I the problem? Are these just misunderstandings? Thoughts?

TL;DR: ^{Struggled with social interactions, obsessive tendencies, and learning difficulties throughout life. Diagnosed with multiple conditions including Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 2 and anxiety disorders. Unemployed since 2019, unable to find accommodating work due to conditions. Considering applying for disability benefits but unsure of eligibility. Feeling lost and overwhelmed.}
My whole life I've had a hard time relating with people, connecting with people, making eye contact, enjoying the same things as others. I always tended to obsess on something for example if I took a part-time job I would burn myself out because I couldn't help but focus on work after work. To the point I'd break rules to login to resources and do research off the clock, resulting in me being fired.
When I was a child I would be more excited about the box the gift came in that I could hide in from everyone, instead of the gift itself. I didn't ever like parties with lots of kids, I would tend to hide until the party was over and call my mom until she came and picked me up. I couldn't handle kids tapping pencils in the class so my teacher would put me in the hallway, this to me was a treat not a punishment. I don't like making eye contact it feels really weird and I'm not good at it. When I practiced it someone said I creeped them out because I would just stare straight into their eyes without breaking contact like normal so I just avoid it altogether.
Anyhow a lot of these issues I adapted to pretty decently until I turned 30 and realized the stuff wasn't improving even with a few years of weekly therapy sessions with 2 different psychotherapists. Always struggled with panic attacks and chronic anxiety. I also have never been able to learn math equasions for example x = y type stuff. My brain goes "Why is a letter in math" and I used to read and write backwards.
I recently got engaged and my FIance after spending 8 months with me said she thinks somethings off, "No offense". None taken.. Anyways.. I saw a top psychologist in my state and spent a few hours on a few different occasions with them. Took some tests and they told me I have:

• Schizotypal Personality Disorder
• Mathematics Learning Disability
• Post Concussion Syndrome (Severe TBI in a motor vehicle accident 2013)
• Panic Disorder
• Generalized Anxiety Disorder
• Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 2

I know it's a laundry list. I have been unemployed since 2019 I only am able to work side jobs anymore. I just have constant panic attacks that have been unmanaged with medications and psychotherapy so I actually quit going to therapy and seeing a shrink. Therefor I only have 12 work credits on my record which I've read some of those fall off every 5 years.
I'm just wondering, do I even have a chance in hell at applying for SSI/SSDI or any type of assistance or am I going to have to try and find a job that will accomodate me or something? I have yet to find one of those by the way. I am very forthcoming with my conditions and typically this results in no hire. I have applied for over 100 jobs since 2019. I've heard back from a dozen or so, and the rest just likely throw my application in the trash.
I don't understand anything about disability or social security and my mom has told me I need to try and apply for benefits. Is it worth my time at all having only 12 work credits? Am I even eligible for SSI or SSDI? I don't know what to do anymore I'm feeling kinda depressed now because I have lived my whole life in a lie it feels like. I have had to always do things that "normal" people do and it has ground me into the dirt. I was very lucky to meet my fiancee online and we ended up talking for a few months before meeting in person. SHe loves me to death, I love her very much too although it took me a long time to learn what I was actually feeling and learn how to commit myself and be a good Fiance.
I just don't know anymore what to do, where to turn, who to ask.. Thank you.
p.s My mother never took me to a doctor even though family and friends of hers always told her something was wrong with me and that she needed to. My aunt used to tell her I had asperger's or something. She was afraid they'd medicate me. I kinda got screwed in that sense now that I am learning more about this process..

Hey y’all…I just need to vent.\ I decided to move to a school district closer to home a few years ago as a starry-eyed teacher for the Deaf convinced that I could build a better program.\ And, with the help of some wonderful interpreters and outreach to some Deaf adults in the surrounding community, WE did build a better program!! One that emphasized communication access and respect for Deaf space. We ousted a teacher who abused the kids and had zero care or respect for the Deaf. We brought some students out of years of language deprivation and into varying degrees of functional communication; given their ages at when this transition occurred…it was remarkable! I even saw a few kids go from not being able to name letters to reading at a 6th grade level or greater within a few years of intense intervention.\
A few weeks ago, our special education director retired and some new person not local to the area took over. They have no Deaf Education experience or even classroom experience. They are closing our Deaf Edu elementary program. Everything we’ve built…gone. \
I’m so tired of watching Deaf kids get the bare fucking minimum.
Edit: I apologize for any weird formatting issues. I’m really upset right now and on mobile.

Conspiracy theories involving “elite” pedophile rings have recently been dominating social media in a disorienting frenzy. They have been around for some time but in this century rose back to popularity during the 2016 Election cycle. This crop, at least, took root with what became known as “Pizzagate.”
Promoters of that conspiracy theory in 2016 used social media platforms to make unfounded but viral allegations that Hillary Clinton and other prominent Democrats were running a pedophile ring out of the basement of a pizzeria even though that restaurant had no basement, or any ties to known politicians other than the typical flesh pressing (Phrasing I know) moments fit for a picture hung on the wall.
Since then, the dark theme of Pizzagate has found new life with permutations forming part of the #Qanon conspiracy theory, incorporated under the umbrella term “pedogate.” The gist of the #pedogate conspiracy theory is that global elites (politicians, celebrities, and wealthy businesspersons) are covertly involved in a far-reaching ring that uses young children for sexual purposes.
“What most of these conspiracy theories involve in one way or another is laying accusations of pedophilia or involvement in pedophile rings at the feet of people that they despise or hate, and during the 16’ election cycle, Democrats were a wide target for an opposing political movement that had hijacked the rival Republican party. Pizzagate originated with the “alt right” and “alt lite,” far right extremists who range from outright white supremacists to those who publicly shun racists but otherwise fall in step with their belief systems.
Pizzagate jumped from the fringes to the mainstream because as it denigrated Hillary Clinton, it sucked in supporters of then-candidate Donald Trump.
After the election all mention of pedogate seemed to be put on a simmer while other National outrages boiled over (#Covid #RussiaGate #BLM) and just like clockwork (heading into our next election cycle has been turned back up.
The pedogate conspiracy and all associated stories employ a centuries-old tactic: playing on deep-seated human anxieties by conjuring images of imperiled children, the purest and defenseless victim of any manner of injustice.
An example in the modern era of weaponized conspiracy was the satanic panic of the 1980s, in which a wave of hysteria over alleged child molestation at daycare centers swept the nation. But while that phenomenon was a moral panic attributable, at least in part, to social anxiety over white middle class women entering the work force en masse for the first time and entrusting their children to others, the current conspiracy theories about pedophile rings equate to similar propaganda. They carry a danger for stirring up violence.
If you want to elicit violent action the way to do it is through hate and fear. Once you target and label a population as pedophiles, you can do anything you like to that population with full excuse being given to the myth you’ve wrapped around it.
That’s not to say fears of child abuse or sex trafficking are unfounded. There are many as pedophilia has ancient roots and in many cases was encourage by many world cultures and religions a lot later into Civilization than we’d like to admit. The International Labor Organization reports that 25 percent of the world’s 40.3 million victims of human trafficking are children.
The most vulnerable, according to the National Human Trafficking Hotline, are migrants, runaways, the homeless, and youngsters who have been victims of violence. Despite their obsession over the topic, conspiracy followers aren’t worked up about those children who are in true harm’s way.
In the world of propaganda, it’s never about real children. Instead, it’s about what children represent. The children imperiled by conspiracy theories, in other words, are only metaphors.
Children carry a vast amount of weight in any society, but especially modern ones when they’re expected to survive past the age of five. It wasn’t as intense before the 18th century when child mortality rates were really high. They represent the future, and all that is beautiful and decent and honest in a society, because they are innocent.
For most people also, the meaning of their existence is rooted in their children. Children are eschatological, they represent death for us, and what is coming behind us after we are gone. They also represent the threat of loss, if they disappear, if they die, that is the death of society. That’s why they became so crucial and central to Cold War propaganda. The real terror of the nuclear holocaust would be the death of the children, because that’s the death of everyone.
A recent example of this is in a recent police investigation into conspiracy claims of PizzaGate style accusation of Portland’s Voodoo Doughnuts. Detectives attempted to contact the person accusing Voodoo Doughnuts on social media of running a pedophile ring. The accuser did not cooperate with investigators and it’s been documented in other coverage online that they had become agitated and accused the Police with complicity when tracked down in person, even though they were attempting to investigate.
The pendulum of conspiracy theories about systematic child abuse has swung back and forth for centuries. Examples such as blood libel, when Jewish communities were attacked over false allegations of murdering and consuming Christian children in the Middle Ages.
In Europe, During the Thirty Years War, entire villages were put to the sword because it was believed they were abusing children of the other religions.
One characteristic that helps Pizzagate-style conspiracy theories gain popularity is that they function like a puzzle game and give its audience a large level of involvement through social media.
A lot of conspiracy theories are oracular, where the information comes from one source an oracle. Then there are others where there are a few people who promote the notions, almost like gurus or a conspiracy priesthood.
With Pizzagate, it’s more of what one would call a participatory conspiracy theory. Participatory conspiracy theories lay out a scenario or situation and then they ask their audience, ‘what more can you find out about this, what more can you add?’ It turns the audience into willing participants, some knowing they are creating a destructive madlib and other (potential real victims) caking on mystical distraction to issues that have been unreported or scars that have not bee properly treated.
The thing about participatory conspiracy theories is it can really create a devoted following because it gives people something to do, it makes them feel they can solve the whole thing or uncover new aspects to it. Once you get that energy going it’s almost self-sustaining. Followers of the Qanon conspiracy theory, call themselves “bakers” because their protagonist “Q” pops up on Internet message boards and leaves “crumbs” (i.e., clues), and they are tasked with picking up the crumbs in order to solve the puzzle. (“Q” is supposed to reference the character’s government security clearance level).
*#Q followers believe an even more incoherent version of Pizzagate. This is largely a right-wing fantasy that originated in a series of incoherent posts on #4chan in 2017 by someone calling themselves #QAnon. Following on the heels of similar idiocy such as Pizzagate, it advances a fantastic web of deceit that wraps up Trumpism, deep state fearmongering, evil, satanic pedophilia rings controlled by the Democratic Party, investigations into Russian meddling in the 2016 US election, the Las Vegas shooting, and New World Order paranoia into a package easily and wholeheartedly promoted by internet cesspools and far-right personalities such as Alex Jones.
The premise is that President Trump is secretly working to take down a global ring of elite, cannibalistic, satanic pedophiles. And the investigation into Russian meddling into the 2016 election, led by former FBI director Robert Mueller, is actually an investigation into the so-called “deep state”, where a cabal of evil, globalists, including Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, are responsible for everything from a global pedophile ring to the mass shooting in Las Vegas in 2017.
According to the enlightened, when Trump awkwardly took a drink from a bottle of Fiji water at a press conference in November 2017, it wasn’t because he was thirsty; it was actually a secret signal to those in the know that the annihilation of deep state pedophiles had begun (or was about to begin). Because as everyone knows, Fiji is a hot spot for child trafficking.* ( I could go on and on with this poorly thought-out shit, I will spare you )
The role the Internet and social media play in helping to spread such insanity can’t be underestimated. Just a few decades earlier, conspiracy theorists would identify each other using letters to the editor printed in newspapers and magazines. It was a lot harder to identify your fellow conspiracy theorists. You would have to physically meet to swap your stories or send letters or call. They would set up these groups that would communicate by newsletter. They would meet in a physical space, like someone’s living room.
I personally witnessed people from my childhood, dutifully photocopying newsletters they had received in the mail to give to others (Primarily at my #JW congregation, how ironic). Now obviously it can go much more quickly, because you can identity people immediately. You can quickly share ideas and the data you’ve collected.
The Internet allows such people to exist in bubbles where they rarely have their beliefs challenged. The extraordinarily polarized society we’re in right now has made people less willing to seek out other view points. Because of the internet you have less chance of doing this.
There’s very little incentive to look outside one’s own bubble once they have become invested in a conspiracy theory. Once you start to act out on those behaviors you are forced to double down by repeating the act to prove it was a just act. Eventually you get caught up in a movement that totally defines your conscious and you can’t get out of it. The second you step out of that world view your actions go back to being reprehensible.
Now the question becomes, “What’s the harm? If it sheds light on child abuse, then isn’t it still productive?” The answer in this case is a resounding NO. In my opinion and PAINFUL experience, the root cause and sustaining factors of institutionalized child sex abuse are all things that would counter your typical Conspiracy Nut’s world view, thus causing a complete blackout to the problems.
The entity taking part in the harming of children on a local and tangible level aren’t some suit and tie wearing global elitist. It’s a guidance counselor, youth pastor, unvetted young substitute teacher, aunt/uncle/cousin/neighbor.
It’s anyone who has been given routine private access to a child’s mind and body because of the social conventions that have been protected for generations by our relatives whether they themselves are guilty of abuse or not.
In all the Qanon madness I also kept very close tabs on the pending prosecution of the Boy scouts of America and never saw any widely shared memes about their involvement in the abuse syndicate.
Why is this? How is this so? Aren’t these people watching the news, seeing the court records and hearing the individual cases being brought against Scout Leaders (SOME OF WHO RAN THEIR OWN NETWORKS!!)?
When I would find mention of accusation it was met with the ever scarce “skepticism” because if the media is covering it, it must be a plot to destroy the organization. There are now non-for profit organizations setting up victim funds and protections for people to come out with their stories and somehow THIS is the fake ruse.
Some that know me know that I was a Jehovah’s Witness as a youth/teen/young adult. That chapter of my life could fill many chapters and the research on the organization, the real true black and white history of the religion would honestly surprise you. I saw what I now know was abuse, I personally experienced abuse in many forms. The perpetrators involved are either still Witnesses or are dead or have moved “away from the organization”.
One thing that was left intact in each situation was the secret that they prey on children. The parents, these organizations and the collective promise to keep up appearances are directly to blame for the suffering untold thousands, millions of children and broken adults.
All for what? Pride and Vanity and a commitment to all involved to protect them from the “mean old world” despite allowing predators to eat their children from within.
Being a #JW was a very interesting experience. It provides a very efficient form of insulation from outside society and allows people involved to view the chaos from afar. There is this persistent (albeit false) sense of shared peace that members have. It’s as though for three days a week you go to this meeting where no matter what, everyone has a smile and feels about things EXACTLY how you do. There is no cursing, there are no politics, there surely isn’t any destructive influences that would tarnish your chances of salvation. For a parent this is a refuge when raising a child in a world that is dangerously unpredictable.
A Child that you are unable (or unwilling) to teach coping skills to get along by societal standards, A child you want to protect by hiding. This is problem #1.
As an adult the congregation presents an avenue for which you can act and behave in a way that allows you to reconcile your past, a way to have less of those nights awake because you think about past wrongs you’ve committed against people. It’s the proverbial band-aid for a guilty, bruised, destroyed conscious of any size. Coming into the organization takes nothing more than the desire to change, publicly declaring your willingness to hand over your life to God (The organization). Bam, You’re in! No credit check, no background check. This is problem #2.
A JW is taught that “every facet is an asset” (Ministerial Servants know what I’m talking about). What this means is that every facet of your life is an asset to the organization to spread its word. If the world see’s their product’s application into your life and thereby how much better it is than a normal person’s, then they’ve made an “Effective Witness” to the world. This causes Witnesses of any age to allow almost every facet of their life to be a tool by the organization. For a parent this includes their children. This is problem #3.
When you get a culture that insulates itself from the real world, that allows you to enter without any coherent vetting, give access to children whose parents feel obligated to present as a “witness” to the lifestyle. You get a twisted corridor in which victims can get lost for a lifetime and predators can hide in plain sight.
For any proponents of the “Save-The-Children” movement to not take a step back and really analyze their local community and lifestyle through these lenses only illustrates that child abuse is being weaponized politically at the expense of others whom you aren’t willing to save because it would look bad for ‘your side’. If you truly care, you wouldn’t be sharing email forwards about what evil unverified unmentionable thing you read some celebrity or politician did. Instead, you’d be drawing back on your experiences as a child.
Even if nothing happened directly to you, I’m sure you know some one that had an experience that forever harmed their life. Who did it? Was there a pattern or social condition that allowed for this as was laid out in the JW example?
How could it have been avoided? Would you have stopped it if you saw the signs? Are you willing to stop it in the future, knowing what you know now?
If you can answer any of those questions with a yes, then you have all you need to WRITE your own material to reach real victims and their families. Does your action cause problems for your ‘side’? It shouldn’t matter and you know that. If it does make a difference to you then you are no better than the shadowy pedophilic cabal that you are so obsessed with.

This is a little long, so I apologize. I (F18), am in my first year of college. I have stayed friends with a group of 4 other girls(most are F18 but some may be 19) since age 16 when our friend group founded. I haven't been as close to them recently, but I'm wondering if I'm just over reacting. (BTW, I went an all girls school, so no boy drama).
When I was 16, I was new to my school. It wasn't a super welcoming environment and I was quite unpopular. Introducing Eliza. She calls herself my first friend, but I was actually originally friends with a girl who is insignificant in this story. I clung to Eliza in my first 5 months at school, as I was scared and had never been new to a school before. After a while, Eliza informed me that another girl, Venom, thought I was "stealing her away". I was pretty shocked. However, I starting hanging out with her less and less.
Venom wasn't the only one. Willa, another friend of Eliza was also jealous of me. I was partnered with her for a group project, and we got along quite well. By 2/3 of the way into the school year, we had chosen to sit together in snack, meaning we would have to see each other each day for 15 minutes for a month (we got pick our seats but after we picked, we couldn't move). After the first month, we always chose to sit together. I remember Eliza approaching me and asking if we were friends. Not too long after, SIX formed. This was our friend group name, though there was only 5 of us.
When the friend group formed, I mostly knew of Alex by reputation. She was kind, caring, shy, and in all ways the opposite of a high school mean girl. She was also very smart. The friend group formed because we all loved writing, mystery, and fun. We immediately became close knit, something I didn't realize was so toxic until this year. I remember when we started letting people in it caused drama and Willa said "It's better just the 5 of us." We became so close because we came together to start an etsy store together. Anyways, either right before SIX founded or right after, I was partnered with Alex by the same teacher who started me and Willa's friendship. We bonded and I really enjoyed her company.
By the end of 11th grade, I had a close knit group and people who I believed cared about me. I haven't mentioned the fifth one yet, but nothing significant happened between us until this year. We most hung out of nesecity.
12 grade was mostly uneventful. In fall, SIX disbanded, as Alex though running a business was too dramatic and hard for seniors. We stayed friends, but it marked the end of an era in our friendship. Next, I will go over all the toxic encounters I have had with these people from 12 grade and the start of college, as well as why I dumped them and my petty revenge.
Eliza:
She tends to be distant and uses information to manipulate and show favor. Stills, she is overall the best in the group. She could easily be manipulating us all. She's also jealous when I talk to anyone not in SIX. Like all my "friends" she always took Mary's side in every argument.
Willa:
She said "If I wasn't friends with you, no one would like you." She also told me she uses all her friends. She also uses information to manipulate and show favor. She is jealous when I talk to anyone not in SIX. and of course, she always took Mary's side in every argument
Alex:
She set too high of an expectation of perfection. She gossips about Willa and Eliza to me. She also lied to my face about something, which made me question if she was lying about other things. She never cared when I was upset or sad and never asked if I was ok. No surprise, the queen of perfect also always took Mary's side in every argument.
Mary:
We became friends by gossiping about how annoying Alex is and stuff. She is very judgy and we never got along well. She was going through a lot but never saw that I was going through similar things.
Okay, so that was the backstory. I apologize again for how long it was. It all came out when we were going to a party this year. On the bus I was texting a friend from before I went to the school I met them at. She had heard all my concerns because she doesn't know these people and when I told her I was sitting next to Eliza and Willa she said "They're such b words." (she said the word, but I had to remove it due to rules) she quickly unsent it and said "I hate them for being so mean to u", but the damage was done. Willa saw the text was really mad and upset. However, we moved past it and Mary and Alex stole mt hair ties. I chased them around, though I was actually annoyed and just wanted my things back. I got one back and then took one of Mary's until she gave mine back. She yelled at me because Alex had taken mine and I told her that they had hidden it together nad she could give it back. Five seconds later, she's so sad because she just wanted it back, and we are screaming at each other. Alex comes to ask me my side of the story and says "Oh don't worry Mary isn't mad at you, she just feels bad for you because everyone hates you." and "Oh I should leave, I don't want Mary to be suspicious I'm talking to you." I laughed both of these of but was actually pretty hurt. I went home soon after and I haven't talked to Mary or Alex since. Both of tried to contact me but I haven't responded.
Ok so recently I had an idea. I need to know if it's too mean. So I mentioned we all like writing. All of us (except Willa) have been writing a story that is 80 ish pages now. I haven't written on it in a while because I wanted to give Mary and Alex space but recently I noticed that the characters are based on us. I, of course, am the villain. It isn't based on real events so it's not like things I've done, just a girl with my name being evil. I noticed that I'm the owner and I'm wondering if I would be justified to remove all of them from it. I know it's evil, but they treated me badly and even my friend, who showed me a lot of ways I'm in the wrong in the past said that I should do it. I know it would be evil, but I want some kind of revenge. Would it be worth it? Any other times I'm in the wrong that I haven't noticed? Please let me know.
TL;DR:
I have been friends with a group of 4 girls since age 16, but I haven't been as close to them recently. I experienced different forms of toxic behavior with each friend in 11th and 12th grades, including their always taking Mary's side in every argument. We got into a petty argument about when I took back her hair ties from Mary and Alex after they stole them. Mary also said everyone hates me. So, am I justified in removing them from a story they have been writing together because they feel that they have been portraying me as the villain? I am considering this as a form of revenge for being treated badly by my friends. I am also seeking feedback on any wrongdoings I may have committed in this story.
Thank you so much for reading!

I’m planning on applying to grad school and am trying to get letters of recommendation from my teachers. One of my teachers has told me to submit a request through the MSU portals but I can’t find the area to submit such a request. Does anyone know where to find such a place online?