Reading focus walls

Matt, Lamia, Kyle, Kali, and Gary were all there, holding their weapons. I noticed they were all bloody, dirty, and utterly covered in the guts and blood of god knows what.
“Fucking idiots,” I groaned, when I saw who we were fighting with. “Did you check to see who you were shooting at before opening fire?”
“Well…” Kyle shrugged. “You guys didn’t announce yourselves as friendlies. Might as well have worn a shirt that said, 'shooting range!'”
“How the hell do we get out of this cave system?” I asked. “We must be miles under the surface by now.”
Lamia stepped forward, wiping blood from her face. "I've been tracking our movements using the tunnel layouts," she said, pointing to a rough map drawn on her arm. "If we head down this path here, it should lead us to a central chamber with an exit."
Gary nodded in agreement. "I can hear water flowing in that direction. There's got to be an opening towards the surface."
“Are you stupid?” I asked Lamia. “Sorry to be rude, but we’re so deep at this point the core of the earth will fucking erupt before we reach the surface.”
Marlow chuckled. “You got that right, kid. But don't worry, we'll find a way out.”
I sighed and looked at the others. “Alright, let's follow Lamia's plan. We have no better options right now.”
As we started to move down the path, I noticed the air becoming thinner, and the temperature dropping rapidly. We were getting closer to the heart of the cave system.
“You saw what was back there, right?” I asked Lamia. “The graveyard?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I know what that means. Almost every known and unknown faction of the supernatural has come down here at some point to go to war, and lost to whatever commanded these tunnels. That INCLUDES K’lah Tegothlku’s factions. Maybe they ruled the oceans with him, but they could never touch what was down here. But we have all the heavy hitters from DOSACD down here except a few, if there’s anyone who can kill whatever’s down here, we can."
I shrugged. "We haven’t even made direct contact with a single entity yet. Also, Azazel’s still lost somewhere down here, and as far as I know, she's the only one who's ALMOST managed to find a way out of here before. We should probably focus on finding her first."
“The human with the highest recorded IQ in history?” Matt turned to me. “No shit, kid. She’ll find us if the time comes.”
The deeper into the system we went, despite our group of literal super-soldiers, I felt like something was watching us at all times, and the primal dread in my gut only grew stronger. The air was now almost unbearable to breathe, and the temperature had dropped to a point where our breaths were visible in the torchlight.
"We're getting closer, dawg." Blame remarked, wiping his brow. "It’s like these motherfuckers are scoping us out.”
I nodded in agreement. "We should be more cautious. Post someone up ahead to keep an eye out."
Blame, ever the suspicious and brave one, volunteered. "Alright, I'll go check the next bend," he said, walking ahead slowly, his weapon at the ready.
“What the fuck?!” I heard Blame yell, as we ran to catch up.
We turned the corner and saw Blame staring at an enormous chamber that seemed to stretch on for miles. A massive river of tar-black liquid flowed through the center, and on either side, towering walls were covered in ancient runes and symbols. The air was thick with the stench of sulfur and burning rock.
“There’s something coming,” I said.
In the deep, dark pitch black river of tar-black liquid, a massive shape was slowly emerging. Tendrils, appendages fitted with hundreds of feelers like a starfish mixed with a centipede. Its body looked like it was coming from a crevice in the wall, long and slender, halfway submerged in the river and halfway out, like some kind of monstrous serpent or sea creature.
Before I could even blink, Kali, Matt, and Kyle jumped on it, and the entire tunnel exploded into chaos.

Yangchen's mistake appears to be that she upset the balance between the mortal and spirit realms by favoring humans (I havent read the yangchen novels so no spoilers)
Kuruk's mistake was focusing on hunting dark spirits and letting the mortal world fall into chaos.
Kyoshi's biggest mistake is the Dai Li, which obviously caused the downfall of the Earth Kingdom due to their power hunger and corruption.
Roku...enough said.
Korra's biggest mistake won't be seen unless they make a third series about the new earth avatar.
But I can't really figure out Aang's long lasting mistake. Perhaps not founding Republic City with more bendenon bender equality but that doesn't really seem like such a huge deal compared to other avatars.

Tl;dr: Had a fantastic time with a potential FWB I'd known for years, and then she left me.on Read and unfriended. I'm at a loss.
So I worked with her for a couple years. Nothing happened, but we always got along along well. Eventually one of us left that job, and we traded info before saying bye. We got to messaging (I know, I know, but I wasn't even sure she wanted to get together, and she's a big messaging type, anyway) and pretty soon we talked our way into acknowledging we both wanted an ongoing casual thing with absolutely no strings. HHH, right? So we made very quick plans for her to come over and potentially stay over. She came over the next night, wine in hand, and it went just about perfect. Didn't even watch a movie as we planned since we were talking and laughing for hours. Naturally cuddled up midconversation. Casually kissed her at one point and went back to talking. Pretty soon, doing little talking. We took our time, too. Did almost everything, but we'd agreed on a red line of "No matter what, no full hooking up the first hangout." Fine with me. We enjoyed each other extensively, anyway. Had some similar semifreaky interests, too. When we finished, she stayed over, and we slept either with her on my shoulder or me spooning her, alternating all night. Morning, we had a little more fun, but she had to go quickly. Nothing was awkward. We still made time for some of that morning fun. We parted ways with some flirty words about how it went and about the future.
That night, I messaged her that it was great our interests meshed so well and I couldn't wait for next time. Left on Read.
Few days later, I sent the second and last message, about wanting to share some flirty thoughts I'd had along the lines of things we'd discussed. Left on Read.
Now, a couple weeks after our meet, I see she unfriended me.
I'm lost, confused, a bit butthurt, and man just a bit plain old hurt. We clicked well, really well, in conversation and in having our fun. We'd known each other for years. We had a lot in common. We had a great acquaintance (and once we got to talking possibilities, I was always casually clear we were not just friends and I didn't want that). And truly everything I can think of from our meet, start to finish, suggested we'd talk more often and meet again soon.
Instead, ghosted and unfriended. Someone I'd known for years.
Like I said, I'm lost, confused, and a bit butthurt. I know better than to reach out to her. But that's as far as I can make sense of it, so that's why I'm reaching out here.
Rather than telling me what to do from here (forget her and focus on yourself), can anyone offer any insight or similar experiences? I just have a million questions I'll neve ask, so making sense of those would help most of all.

Tl;dr: Had a fantastic time with a potential FWB I'd known for years, and then she left me on Read and unfriended. I'm at a loss.
So I worked with her for a couple years. Nothing happened, but we always got along along well. Eventually one of us left that job, and we traded info before saying bye. We got to messaging (I know, I know, but I wasn't even sure she wanted to get together, and she's a big messaging type, anyway) and pretty soon we talked our way into acknowledging we both wanted an ongoing casual thing with absolutely no strings. HHH, right? So we made very quick plans for her to come over and potentially stay over. She came over the next night, wine in hand, and it went just about perfect. Didn't even watch a movie as we planned since we were talking and laughing for hours. Naturally cuddled up midconversation. Casually kissed her at one point and went back to talking. Pretty soon, doing little talking. We took our time, too. Did almost everything, but we'd agreed on a red line of "No matter what, no full hooking up the first hangout." Fine with me. We enjoyed each other extensively, anyway. Had some similar semifreaky interests, too. When we finished, she stayed over, and we slept either with her on my shoulder or me spooning her, alternating all night. Morning, we had a little more fun, but she had to go quickly. Nothing was awkward. We still made time for some of that morning fun. We parted ways with some flirty words about how it went and about the future.
That night, I messaged her that it was great our interests meshed so well and I couldn't wait for next time. Left on Read.
Few days later, I sent the second and last message, about wanting to share some flirty thoughts I'd had along the lines of things we'd discussed. Left on Read.
Now, a couple weeks after our meet, I see she unfriended me.
I'm lost, confused, a bit butthurt, and man just a bit plain old hurt. We clicked well, really well, in conversation and in having our fun. We'd known each other for years. We had a lot in common. We had a great acquaintance (and once we got to talking possibilities, I was always casually clear we were not just friends and I didn't want that). And truly everything I can think of from our meet, start to finish, suggested we'd talk more often and meet again soon.
Instead, ghosted and unfriended. Someone I'd known for years.
Like I said, I'm lost, confused, and a bit butthurt. I know better than to reach out to her. But that's as far as I can make sense of it, so that's why I'm reaching out here.
Rather than telling me what to do from here (forget her and focus on yourself), can anyone offer any insight or similar experiences? I just have a million questions I'll neve ask, so making sense of those would help most of all.

I’ve been reading a lot of articles from the columns and I’m interested in writing some articles to give advice. But I’m wondering how relevant these can be, and if I should instead focus my efforts on other stuff

Please bare with me as this will be a long one, it's my first ever post on reddit.
TW of child loss.
I (32f) my FH (35m) are getting married august this year. We live in Australia in a different state to both sides of our family. As we thought instead of picking between the two states we are from, we will have it where we are now.
History as I know all you lot love the background stories. We met in 2019, through tinder(in the state we currently both are atm). It was love at first sight for me. I already had a son who in 2019 was 8yo. My son adorned my partner, he would talk about future siblings and us getting married. Which led my partner n I picking wedding songs and talking about marriage. In 2021 my partner n I were a bit rocky. But my world came crashing apart when I got a phone call my son passed in a car crash. I flew back to my home state and well as you can imagine I was a mess. My family which I hadn't spoken to in 4 years due to being accused for something I did not do. They found out I didn't. But long story short I was in the head space to nit pick. My sons funeral happened and well I just got left by all my siblings to do the clean up my self while they went to the after do. I missed it. I'm only one person and I got blamed and made to feel like crap for it. And a lot other shit. In other words three of my siblings are arseholes. If they dont get their way. My sister we'll call her Petal(24), brothers Steve (31) n Bob (27).
My partner n I always stayed in contact but we spilt as he was still in the state we met. His boss wouldn't let him take time off etc. In the beginning 2023 I came back to the state to organise my sons stuff. Realising this man kept everything of his and mine in the same spot. He still looked after my cat n dog after all that time also. We rekindled and both realised the flame was always still there for each other. So by September last year we were ready to move forward with life as short as it is announce to our family's save the dates. Via Txt as we both have huge families, we would save the money this way.
A few weeks go by. I get a phone call from Steve. (Whom I havent spoken to since before coming up here as I had enough of always being cancelled on or never picking up my calls or barely responding to my texts) So I was like why am I getting a call. Turns out I just got questions after questions... well statements 'you never asked me to move' 'mum will be staying with me not you on your wedding' 'im not babysitting joey' youngest brother 12yo we I stated he would be other brother Dale (second youngest 21- they are all my siblings from my mother's side) as they are always together when Dale visits. I just focused on the positive. I knew he was wanting me to bite. Then when I was explaining joey would be walking behind my nieces with my sons photo Steve interrupted when are you getting married and laughed. He then said no, His daughter wasn't going to be wearing a dress she'll be wearing the same as her dad... and laughed. at the beginning of his save the date I put 'Aunty would love niece to be a flower girl if she would like' Remember no contact since this phone call at all. So I thought he was joking as he laughed. He then started repeating she was wearing the same as him. He also asked why would joey be following them and as I was explaining what I was thinking as my son would've wanted his cousins up there with him. I got cut off. I just planned all this and I said no I asked and you never responded. You never said no even when I spoke about the dresses. Apparently I just don't know what no sounds like and I've not changed and she is HIS flower girl for when him and his partner get married. I understand wanting your child to be apart of your wedding.... hence why I was trying to do what I know damn sure my boy would have done - to the point if they weren't in the party he would walk up to them n get them to help throw petal down the isle. I was upset. He rambled on and yelled shit at me and hung up when I said well if you didn't want her being a flower girl you could've just said it straight out.
I am still upset but I'm only upset due to he only brought it up when I was talking about what my son would want. If he had a problem with it why didn't he say it before hand. Later mum(51) found out him n his partner were upset I was getting married before them ( they have been engaged since 2021 and no mention of a wedding date) and they didn't want their daughter being someone else's flower girl before hand. Which again I understand so why not say that instead of starting the shit?
The next day Bob decided to tell me he couldn't come to the wedding as he doesn't know what his life would bring him to be doing then 🤦🏼‍♀️
Anyway I start to move forward with wedding planning . I let a friend know, as i was going to ask her to be a Bm. After saying getting married she bloody laughed so hard like i told the most funniest joke ever.... her daughter came in she is still laughing n said ' can you believe they are getting married' while wiping away tears from her eyes she laughed so hard. So I decided not to mention the bm part. She later started telling me what I should do for colours, who the bms should be, that the best man wears something different to the groomsmen. Etc. It was getting out of hand and everytime I mentioned we had decided what we are doing already is was wrong .... until she decided to make a competition with my unaware mother 'she better wear a dress or ill look better then her. Maybe even you' so I cut her out of my social group, my partner still thinks she was just helping. He needs the fog to clear.
I ask my best friend who I have known since 2017 and who was still there for me through the hard time of my son passing and still is to this day. Kel(43f) to be my MOH. My two sisters Petal n Kay(28f on father's side) as bridesmaids. As iTs tHe rIgHt tHiNg to do 🤦🏼‍♀️ at first I thought petal would flake first. If it's not her way she'll make some sort of version (even if it's LIES) that you did her wrong. I picked the dresses they were more then happy to pay for them. $160 ish each(aus). Well Kay went Mia for a few weeks. Then in January this year asked me if the place accepted afterpay. I said I know they accept Kalana or what ever its called. N then she was busting her arse for me to check.... she had the website I asked if she had her flights and accommodation prebooked. Nothing. As I was going to offer to pay for the dress if she was struggling. So I offered for her to come as a guest. 2 weeks NOT A SINGLE WORD. Not answering my calls or texts that wasn't even about the wedding. Its now Feb. I ask my cousin to be a back BM she was more then happy n as I was on the phone to her Kay said ' im getting a job so it'll be all sorted' now Kay is a sister who will take advantage for other people's hand outs. Where we are the closer to august you leave it your looking at 1600 n back minimum. N the week we are getting married not only with it be tourist session but race day also ( we forgot about race day 😅) After explaining this to her she decided with many more weeks in between she'll not come to the wedding at all.
So then it was my BF, petal and cousin.
Two weeks ago I got asked by my fathers (he is a dead beat) sister if he was invited. Long story short, I'm the child he never wanted. He never met my son at all while he was alive and loves to cause drama when it's not about him. He was a junkie when I first met him. So I politely said sorry no he is not and sorry for putting you in this position.
Just up until last week petal flaked. Family drama was happening and I pulled her up on her lies she had put in a group chat. She hadn't spoken to me since May. She would read the wedding chat but not respond. And I found out she had me on mute. Laste week I messaged her on the group chat, our private chat and text her can you aleast let me know whats going on. She came back with ' im not coming nor will I be in your wedding' I thanked her for letting me know. Went in the group chat for the wedding n she had already removed herself. N I blocked her shortly after my mum called. Mum had asked if I had heard from Petal. I told her what happened. Well, mum Being a mum was like 'ill get to the bottom of this' She asked why are you not part of the wedding anymore. My sister turned n said its not of your business. N then said I blocked her from the chat a while ago and I have not once messaged her n I'm mean. Mum caught her out n said she seen her lil picture keep up with the messaged just today etc. N she just banged on how no one understands her. So I blocked her.
I have now asked for my partners Sister to be a bm and she's more then happy to and I paid for her dress straight away so it should arrive to her before she is due to come up.
I found out in April my son will finally be a older brother like he always wanted. This is a miracle baby as I've had a few health problems with my uterus. To the point doctors said I might not even be able to do IVF. My partner n I are over the moon. I am in a a place where I'm happy and upset because my son is not here to witness what he always wanted. We have only told those that have been supportive, mu mum Dale and joey and my Sil.
All the stress of just my family has taken its toll. We have already paid majority of the wedding off and can't elope. I've lost all happiness for our day. I'm scared my father will rock up (he is spiteful like that) n im just deflated. With the add stress of being now 12weeks pregnant and still worried I could lose it at any point.
I have gotten all their jewellery, personalised pjs since Kay was involved. Personalised gifts and im paying for their hair and make up.
Kel my Moh is ready to go on a witch hunt. She's pissed that I have let it all go on for so long. So I'm trying to see if I am in the right or if I am in the wrong.
Am I being the Arsehole ? Bridezilla? Just feels no matter what happens in my life it's not good enough. If anything needs clearing up please let me know. Sorry for the long post. Thankyou in advance And if anyone has any advice ? Thankyou

Why did the farmer drive his tractor to the pharmacy? He wanted to visit the farm-assist!
Hi and welcome to my post! Wanted to start off with a funny to me dad joke.
Nice to meet you, I'm Dylan! To put it simple, I am a single 22 year old person who has been pretty lonely in life and lacking human connection. Any gender is welcome :) part of what comes with that is the desire to be intimate with a person. I am very mature for my age and will always be respectful of your boundaries and feelings, especially with anything sexual. Lately all I have is myself when it comes to sexual desires, so I would like to have someone to keep company with in that regard too. And I've also been fairly horny lately so perhaps if you are too we can help each other.
I'm just relaxing at work tonight as it's a slow day. Thinking about going home and burning a woodwick candle. I love candles! 🕯️ Sometimes a campfire outside on a fall night or a crackling WoodWick candle is a relaxing constant among our busy and hectic world. It's nice to just disconnect, feel grounded and happy in your own little cozy space. Feeling calm and collected and at peace. Something that fewer people take the time to do these days.
I am seeking a woman around my age or older to build a close connection with that could possibly lead to a something intimate which includes the possibility of teasing/sharing pics etc. but only when we were comfortable. Figured I would be open in my Intentions as that's the best way to be.
You:
Kind, respectful, and easy going.
Comfortable with the idea of eventually sharing intimate things together.
Willing to eventually move off of Reddit.
Want something genuine and fun!
Are honest in your intentions and a good person to be around!
That's about it, we will get along great I know it.
I've been feeling a little bummed out lately. I always try and stay happy and see the best in things. But.. I've just been so alone. Most of my whole childhood and adult years have been spent feeling lonely. I grew up surrounded by cornfields which was peaceful but also has a lonely aspect to it. My family never really were close and never did anything as a family really. And part of it too is the fact that I never had any neighbors my age to interact with. But aside from that, my adult life has been very lonely. I'm just always by myself. I barely have any meaningful adult relationships or experiences, or even any friends.
I work a 3-11 job in building maintenance at my company world headquarters building which I love, but again it's very lonely. I work the off shift so the building is always empty. I don't get normal social interaction with people my age or a chance to build relationships. I only have 3 older men as co-workers and we are mostly in the basement away from any people on the floors from knowing our existence. I always walk the floors and see office people laughing and chatting with their coworkers and I just don't have that kind of experience. And just.. no one knows I exist really. Everyone probably assumes I have a lot of friends, but I'm struggling inside with being so alone and trying to meet people and get past the "hi how are you?" "I'm good thanks" stage. Most people don't seem to want to talk beyond that. And most women are already in relationships and thus it would seem weird to approach them in an office setting trying to get to know them deeper. But man those "hi how are yous" are the only real interactions I get during my day.. so thus I decided to come here lol. Rant over, sorry! I promise I'm not a downer. 😅
Now for some things about me!
I am left handed which is pretty cool. I'm not much of a party person or a drinker, I much prefer a quiet night at home and maybe a beer or two on a weekend but that's about it. I am simple and stay out of drama and trouble and don't get much into politics or other things that cause drama with people. I much prefer a relaxing campfire and a night at home and to just let the world keep on turning haha.
Physically I'm 180 pounds, have brown hair, green eyes, and a typical build. There's a few pictures on my profile.
Some of my hobbies are:
• Photography
I have a Nikon D200 and D5500 that I love to shoot with. I love nature scenes, abstract, black and white/goth kinda photography, sunsets, etc. it's so fun to just let your mind explore. It's not about what camera you have, but those who are behind the camera!
• Cooking and baking
I loveeee to cook and bake! I enjoy making various meals but also love to just have a frozen pizza once in awhile or something like that. I recently made homemade chili which turned out great. I love to bake, especially in the fall! I love pies, cakes, pastries, cookies, etc. I restored a vintage KitchenAid mixer that needed tbe gearbox rebuilt. Eventually I would love to practice home canning my own food.
• Music
Oh my gosh, I like so much!! Alternative rock, punk, post punk, electronic, synth pop, psychedelic rock, hard rock, etc. I am very non judgemental and open when it comes to music. My three current favorite bands are Type O Negative, Joy Division, and the Cure.
• Nature walks and camping
I really enjoy camping, making fires, and relaxing by a campfire. I love to take walks outside and just enjoy the beauty and simplicity of nature. It's wonderful, especially in a world so focused on everything digital.
• Repairing things
I'm a maintenance guy and one of my hobbies is electronics repair so I am good with my hands and just all around good at troubleshooting and fixing all sorts of things around the house. Last week I helped my elderly neighbor get his tractor started, it needed a new component in the starting circuit. So I'm pretty handy which... Comes in handy! 😂
• Autumn 🍁
This isn't a hobby per say, but man do I love the fall!!! It's my absolute favorite time of the year. Oh my gosh. The beautiful colors, crisp cool air, misty and foggy days, rain, lack of bugs, being cuddled up with a candle or by the fire drinking a tea, etc. I love it! There's only two seasons for me. Fall, and waiting for fall! Haha.
• Scented Candles and incense
Going along with my love for fall, I absolutely love candles! I have like 30 something lol. 😂 Currently my favorite are WoodWick, which are owned by Yankee candle. They have such a soothing crackle and the scents are great! I also love to burn incense from time to time as well. I have cottagecore hippie vibes.
• Old houses and architecture
I love old houses! Especially 1900s and Victorian era homes. Old homes have so much character to them and are just so beautiful from a time when people took pride in their craft. I strongly dislike the modern cookie cutter cheap construction of homes today. I would love to live in an old home one day. I also love their architecture and uniqueness, as well as architecture of old cathedrals and other buildings.
• Relaxing
Basic I know, but sometimes on the weekend I just love to get cozy in bed and relax and put on a YouTube video or an album! 😊
That's about it for me, I'm a pretty laid back and simple person. My ideal person is someone who is respectful and honest! I am very straightforward and open minded and would hope that you are as well.
If I seem interesting to you at all I would love to hear from you!
Thank you so much for reading.

"Good afternoon Ms. Lopez." I say, warmly greeting an elderly Cuban woman in her sixties. She smiles sweetly at me as she asks me if I am the chef behind today's food, in Spanish. I smile and nod at her, and she excitedly begins to chatter in Spanish, telling me the latest chisme regarding the latest romantic escapades occurring in her son's life.
I lightly place some ham on the sandwich I'm preparing for her as she excitedly gossips with me. I cleverly practice my active listening skills, while occasionally chiming in to let her know that I am actively aware of what she's saying. The woman is one of the last people to arrive during today's meal hour. She seems to operate on a sense of punctuality that is uniquely hers, almost like a force of nature. I almost admire it, if I'm being honest. My fellow volunteers look at me and smile as they sense the passive patience I radiate in this minor interaction.
The day has been one of the more chill ones in the soup kitchen, especially since I started actively championing the place. At our most busy we've served hundreds of families in a single day, and today we've served a few dozen. There's something quite nice about this moment of normalcy. I wonder if I sometimes took this level of mundanity for granted during this jump...
To be fair to myself a part of me is almost acting like I'm guaranteed to send myself to some apocalyptic hellscape and that's just not happening. I'm almost guaranteed to go to a place more dangerous than "9-5; a white-collar simulator", but I'm picking my next destination and after the decade of serenity I've had here I've got no reason to act like a dumbass and jeopardize my odds of long-term success in this career by sending myself to a death trap. Ms. Lopez smiles as she walks away, clearly believing she's shared vital chisme with me. To be fair, she did share gossip plenty of people would find juicy, but since I'm not some gossip I was the wrong audience for her words.
My fellow volunteers look at me and glance at my phone with curious looks. I pick up the thing and see that I've been missing an exhilarating conversation in our group chat. I skim the thing, my perfected memory allowing me to instantly catch up with the conversation the small gaggle of brave volunteers who kindly donate our weekend hours have been having before I begin to text the group back.
The rest of the day passes by in a blur. We wait for the people who've come for a meal to finish their food up and then we get to cleaning. After that we do a few sweeps of the parts of the church we've used before going our separate ways. I make my way home, and I do some light meal-prepping as well as practice a few more of my skills. At this point in my stay I've perfected my routine and could do it in my sleep... If I ever slept that is. In the entire time I've been in this setting I don't believe I've slept once. That is a nice feeling, since it means I never wasted an hour of my time, much less six.
The work week is a bit of a slog, since I am eagerly anticipating the news regarding my final promotion. I was never the sort to believe that time felt longer when you were excited about something, or dreading it, but in the time since I came to this setting I've gradually become a believer in such ideas even if they still feel a bit silly. Nonetheless. I diligently work through the week, keep my team on track, and when Friday rolls around I get the news I've waited for.
Thanks to "Gamer's Mind" I am able to keep my face even as the office's general supervisor explains this news to me and not outwardly express my excitement, but internally I am more excited than I've been about anything since I first entered this world. This news means that I'll be getting right around $3,000 dollars every two weeks just for existing! This means that in future jumps working will be optional unless I get really greedy, which frees me up to decide what I want to do in most modern settings. In medieval settings this amount of money could be even more vital, though at the same time such a thing could just... not matter, since in such a setting I could easily just avoid civilization, but this money will certainly liberate me from a lot of the struggles of wasting vast swathes of a jump at a job I don't want.
At the time that I was being told the good news I almost began to cry. Thank goodness for Gamer's Mind, I guess.
Nine years ago I was down on my luck and down to my last dollars when I got the job offer that led me here and this news means that I am free from such things. The freedom and power that comes with making enough to get by, especially passively, is awe-inspiring, and it's quite difficult for me to find the words to express how excited it makes me feel even days after it. I spend... close to a week passively smiling and being just ambiently happy, as I begin to integrate a new set of responsibilities into my work life.
During this time my decision to fix the coffee machine in the office break-room by hand after it almost burns a colleague results in me getting a new class; "Handyman" and the initial ability I receive is a simple one that bolsters my agility a touch, agility being my attribute tied to fine motor skills. I skillfully use this class to actually fix various things by hand, and I begin to steadily accrue various maintenance skills. In days I gain class levels, and with each class level I am able to repair things faster, more cheaply, and eventually my ability to fix matures into an ability to improve things, which I instinctively know will lead to some shenanigans down the line. Before I know it days have turned into weeks, which age and turn into months. My skills with leadership and motivation have continued to improve and I lead my team with my full focus and skillful decision-making. Before I know it I am in the final leg of the final stretch of my first jump.
I've been here for 119 months. Nine years and eleven months. It's actually been... even longer than that. I'm at the beginning of the final week of my stay here, and my hands idly clean a dish as I passively listen to Pastor Charlie, one of the few guest pastors the church has invited in years deliver a sermon. He has the congregants enraptured and eating out of the palm of his hand as he speaks about a miracle that "Our Lord" once performed. His voice is a pleasant distraction and one of my twin trains of thought listens and takes notes on how the man delivers his sermon. Physically I seem to be engrossed in the man's sermon when someone, one of the church's assistants, taps on my shoulder and gestures for me to walk over to the pastor's office. I stealthy get up, activating "Rogue" and make my way out of the serving area adjacent to the kitchen. I relax a touch when I'm in the long hallway leading me to Tyler's, Pastor Rhodes's, office.
As I walk down the humble hallway I feel a strange sense of finality wash over me. There's something uncommonly... real about this trek. I feel more solid, more whole than I have in a while, and I suspect that it's because this is my last time in this soup kitchen, this church. I won't be returning here, at least not for a while, and that's sad. It's not the saddest thing that's ever happened to me, but it is kind of a bummer and I allow myself to feel a touch of real, genuine sadness at the sobering realization that when I leave this place I'll be leaving for a long time.
I eventually put that thought away, shelving it and compartmentalizing my thoughts so I can focus on better, happier things. My enhanced senses allow me to spot things like faint cracks too thin for normal humans to spot, and as I walk past them I cast my handy spell on them. I watch as the walls of the hallway repair themselves and I smile, sensing the powerful potential of the spell at my fingertips. I reach the office of the man I've spent plenty of weekends working alongside, and under, and I smile, even internally, when he looks up and spots me. He greets me with a smile and motions for me to sit down. When I do what he asks, he immediately begins to speak.
"Lucas, I apologize for calling out to you but I wanted to check in. Today you seemed... Out of it." The man exclaims, and judging from the way my heart jumps in my chest I realize that some people are just.... more intuitive than others. My acting skill gets a nice little load of experience when I mask my reaction to his words and let out a small, natural sounding laugh in response to his question.
"Tyler," I begin, causing the man to wince. I'm an atheist, or at least I was pre-chain, now... well, now I'm a lot more curious about religion than I was before. I'm not sure if gods exist, but I sure as shit know the supernatural does and I'm not in the business of denying what I can see. I've made my vague religious position clear to the man long ago so he insists I call him "Tyler" which I've personally always found a bit awkward, but there's something a little funny about how it disarms him so cleanly during this interaction. "I'm doing... Okay. I AM bummed I won't be here next week." I state, calmly. This causes my friend's eyes to widen in surprise.
"You're missing a week? I'm sure some of our regulars will be disappointed. Is everything alright?" The man asks. His question is so sincere, so genuine that it's mildly disarming.
I'm... not a nice person. I'm far from mean, sure, but I've come to accept that there's a core of kindness in some people, even in many people, and I am not someone who has that core, that central, unconscious, guiding light that moves them towards kindness with the ease and naturalness of a heartbeat. At my core rests something else, something I don't know if I can articulate in just a few words.
I wouldn't say I'm mean or anything like that but I'm far more cynical than a lot of the people I've met are. In this world, especially, it seems like a lot of people are just decent at heart and I suspect that that was and is the case in the world I was born on as well. Tyler is one of the people I've met whose central guiding light seems to be centered around decency and kindness and I think in any world the man could find himself in he'd strive to be kind. It's almost like interacting with a real version of Ned Flanders from The Simpsons...
"I'm okay. I'm gonna be doing other stuff, and I normally prioritize the soup kitchen over my work or social life," I state, and this isn't a flex it's simply a very true statement. Tyler hears the remark and smiles faintly. "But I've been asked to help out with other stuff from friends who wouldn't ask if it wasn't something they really felt they could handle alone. I'm just gonna miss one weekend, and then I'll be back." I remark, and Tyler smiles at me.
"Okay Lucas. If you need any help you'd ask, right?" Tyler asks, and I consider the question. This is only somewhat an act, as I don't know if I'd ask for help if I needed it. I ultimately nod at the man and I can sense a touch of sadness as he studies my response, which I don't love but I also don't really feel right lying anymore than is necessary. The man makes some small talk and I quickly breeze through it. In minutes I am back in the kitchen with the others. And minutes after that I am cleaning with my fellow volunteers. Almost before I know it I'm stepping out of the church after we've cleaned out the kitchen. I glance at it one last time before I make my way home.
The next few days pass by in a blur, with only two minor oddities; the first being that I ask Hannah to come out with me on Friday night. I have got to see if I can stomach the idea of any sort of romance in a jump, and this is a consequence free way for me to do something along those lines. The second oddity is that I spend nearly all of my money purchasing... well, everything. Every night after work I go to various stores and spend the money that I really haven't needed all that much until now, purchasing things like weapons, food, and especially books. I buy boatloads of books, both ready and willing to use up something I won't be able to take with me into future jumps anyway in exchange for stuff I CAN take with me, thanks to the fiat-backed power of an infinite inventory.
The work week is, aside from what I do after work every night, pretty normal but Friday itself is weirdly solemn. The day passes by as quickly as any other day has, filled with minor encounters with glitches, and a few more annoyances with my small number of drawbacks but when five rolls around I clock out one last time and give the office a final look. I am weirdly slow when it comes to getting up and leaving my cubicle, in fact I'm actually one of the last office workers to leave the office but as I step out of the building I experience another burst of gratitude to Gamer's Mind, which keeps me from acting odd or even tearing up as I glance back at the place I've spent thousands of hours in.
I allow myself a beat to... honestly, grieve. I tell myself that it's okay to have feelings about leaving, even if those feelings are big and weird and are not the most fun. Nonetheless I don't linger here, at my place of employment, I have other things I both need and want to do. I use my inventory and change into a pretty casual outfit before I begin a brief walk. _________________________________________________________________________
​The park beside the office building is a rare example of a pristine location in the city. It is filled with natural greenery, and at the moment a stunningly pretty redhead glances at her phone waiting for someone to pop into view.
The redhead is wearing a pleasant looking dress and a jacket, as the weather is just beginning to take the seasonal turn towards the unpleasant. It's still warm enough that the clothes are mostly unnecessary but as she waits for her friend, a young man who has finally gotten the courage to ask her out on something vaguely approximating a date, she appreciates the wisdom of her decision to wear the slightly warmer than necessary clothes.
Her "date", mostly in her eyes though he is aware of her feelings and a part of him feels some happiness in the idea that this is a date, enters the park and spots her before she spots him. He reaches into his inventory and he retrieves something, a nice little bouquet he purchased earlier today and safely stored away. The flowers, prettily packed and all, appear as he walks towards the young woman.
Lucas is testing the waters here. He isn't testing the waters with Hannah specifically, but rather what it feels like to go on a date as a jumper. He has long had strange feelings about this, but he knows that he is going to leave tomorrow and so he wants to see if he can enjoy a date as a jumper, so he is doing a scientific experiment even if he feels... less than great about some aspects of all of this.
"Hannah!" Lucas says, calling out to one of his first, in fact one of his only, real friends in this world. The redhead excitedly turns and spots her longtime friend, waving at him and waving him over. She spots the bouquet and lets out a delighted sounding laugh, and when Lucas hears it the smile that alights his features is heartwarming.
In his day to day life some facets of Lucas's charisma-heavy build only rarely surface in ways that matter and his looks tends to be one such thing He is attractive enough that his looks can captivate and reside in one's imagination for a while after they first meet him, but right now, this early on along his chain his looks are only enough to make people have schoolgirl crushes on him and people can and do get used to his looks after a while. Still, in some moments this is enough to color the impression he makes on people. Right now, in a romantic context, his supernatural attractiveness is enough to change the sort of impression he makes on someone.
The handsome actor reaches his friend and sits down next to her. He hands her the flowers and for a moment a strange serenity washes over the two as they enjoy each other's company. Lucas looks inward and he realizes that he genuinely, well and truly, likes this moment. Hannah looks at him and eventually asks an important question.
"Lucas... how am I gonna hold these flowers?" She asks, and this makes him smile. He is quick to offer her a response.
"I'll take them when we get going but I saw them and I thought of you. I felt like I'd regret it if I didn't give you these." He says, and there is an odd, for him, level of sincerity and genuineness in his voice that makes Hannah giggle girlishly. Lucas right now is relying on his perk-enhanced instincts and the charisma he has honed through social encounters for the last decade, and he's enjoying how it feels.
Both of the figures on the "Date", though neither of them officially dubbed it that, enjoy the moment. Their passive delight and infatuation create an envy-inducing atmosphere of closeness and quiet joy that radiates outward. The park is nearly abandoned so there is no one to witness this moment other than Lucas's benefactor, and Lucas is simply at peace.
Eventually he lightly touches Hannah's hand, and asks her if she'd like to go and get dinner before they go to the movie they agreed on going to watch earlier this week. Hannah agrees, handing Lucas the bouquet and he, to her surprise, puts it in the bag he has on his person. When she asks if that will squish or hurt the flowers Lucas tells her, with a bizarre amount of confidence, that it won't. She eventually accepts this, having learned to trust that Lucas knows what he is doing, and the two of them begin a short walk to a mall they both know well.

I've actually frequented this sub before just to read as at my current home we have lots of bats outside and my kids and I think they're cool, but now I have a question. Bare with my longwinded self.
We bought a home and closed on it about a week ago. My kids and I went and spent some time there wandering the house last Wednesday, saw nothing unusual. My oldest son is disabled so he stayed home but my youngest is 6 so if she definitely would have told me if she saw anything. My best friend stayed late into the night building furniture and then went home. She went back Thursday night and at around midnight texted me "THERE'S A BIRD FLYING AROUND IN THE HOUSE!" Needless to say it wasn't a bird, lol. My husband drove over and trapped the bat in a bathroom and we called animal control who said we will be right there and never came. My husband finally gave up and came home to our current home.
He went back the next morning with supplies to catch the bat and surprise, bat was gone. He's been at the house every day and night since (this was on Saturday morning) looking high and low, no bat. We had a company that specializes in bats come investigate our whole home today and found nothing. No entry points on the roof, chimney is airtight and the flue was closed. The attic was pristine with zero signs of any animals, however there are 5 vents in the attic that are not bat proofed (remedying that next week) AND the stupid appraisal company had left the large wall panel that screws on OFF of the wall.
Long story somewhat shorter, this guy could have taken a wrong turn into the attic vents and gotten lost or I guess could have just as easily gotten in while the sellers were moving out. No one is sleeping at the home so thankfully no exposures, but how long do I have to worry about my kids turning and corner and running into a bat?
Could he still potentially be hiding in the house? Did he crawl into a vent and die? Where's the damn bat guys. Where's the bat. 🤣 We won't be sleeping at the house for another 3 weeks but I would really love to not have to take anyone for rabies shots!

I am a professor at a local community college where I have taught English for about 14 years. I have had a variety of themes/topics in class (such as film analysis), but only recently, I started thinking about wealth/finance as a theme for a course and how I might go about creating it. I primarily teach intro level courses - ENGL 1301 and 1302. Off the top of my head, things I could include are: 1. An essay prompt option over whethewhy wealthy families tend to lose wealth over generations, 2. Rhetorical modes of persuasion (ethos, pathos, logos, and kairos) applied to the topic of spending and saving habits, 3. Articles on debt/finance with questions/discussion board posts for reading comprehension, 4. A research paper with wealth/debt/finance as its focus, 5. Analysis of a documentary concerned with building wealth, 6. The rhetoric of pricing items, etc.
The idea would not be to turn an English course into a finance class, but rather to apply writing/reading/analysis to the topic of wealth/debt/finance. Do you think that having a course like this would have helped you think more clearly/preemptively about money, had you attended it? Or do you think such a course would be too limiting (IE "I'm taking an English course, not a finance class, so what are you doing here?"), and it wouldn't have benefited you in the future?

Hi everyone! I (29M) am wanting to get into reading fiction because I seem to have hit a huge reader wall. I’ve read quite of bit of non fiction but it just hasn’t cut it and I can’t seem to finish a book so was thinking I need a break from non fiction and find myself in fiction books again. A few fiction books I really enjoyed: 1984, The Kite Runner, Old Man and the Sea, Slaughterhouse 5, Hunger games! I would prefer a series and I really enjoy Humor, historical fiction, and sci-fi so please shoot me some recommendations! Thanks in advance!

Date: 5/26/24
Location: Buffalo, NY
Time: 3:19:01
My Strava for More Information. Give me a follow if you feel so inclined :)
Sorry to be be dramatic with the title. I promise I'm not posting this SOLELY for internet sympathy. I realize I might seem ungrateful but I just feel like I left a large amount of time out on the course and I'm not entirely sure how I would correct my performance if I could. I'm a newer marathon runner who has made a lot of progress in the last year by training super hard, cross training, cleaning up my diet, recovering, etc... . I want to learn as much as I can from this experience. I could use the perspective of some more experience runners.

Goal	Description	Completed
A	3:05 BQ	no
B	3:07	no
C	3:10	no

Background:
This was my 2nd Marathon. My first marathon was a 3:28:30 at Wine Glass in Corning, NY, 6 months ago (10/1/23). My marathon training follows my weight loss story, starting in November 2022; 230 lbs (104 kg) down to 183 lbs (83 kg) today. For reference, I am a 6'-2" male. I ran a few half marathons prior to 2022 but my training has been on and off for the last 5 years and never more than 25 miles per week.
My training leading up to my first marathon followed a fairly long MAF intensity build (30 mpw at the end) leading into Advanced Marathoning - Pfitz 18/55 with the "Long Run" & "Medium Long Run" done at MAF effort. I knew I was compromising on speed by doing this however, the mileage seemed intimidating at the time. I later committed to follow the Pfitz pace instruction for these runs for my Buffalo block (10%-20% Marathon pace for the last 5-10 miles)
Following my first marathon, I was lucky to have a very experienced friend (2:37 marathoner) coach me though another Pfitz block. I decided to set the goal of running under 3 hours in 2024. My goal time for Buffalo was initially 3:15 to get me half way there. As you will read, that quickly changed...
Training:
Pre Pfitz Block - 1 month mostly off running after Wine Glass. 10 weeks running build prior to Pfitz 18/55. In this 10 weeks, I focused heavily on zwift indoor cycling (zwift academy, rapha 500, alp du zwift >60, etc) and was running 30-35 mpw using the 80:20 rule. The last 3-4 weeks I just did the first 2 weeks of the pfitz plan over and over again. I think the cross training severed me very well to lose weight and strengthen my overall fitness
Pfitz 18/55 - First 9 Weeks - I feel like I made a lot of progress in the first half of this training plan with the following race times reflecting my gains; Wk. 4 Lake Effect Half Marathon 1:37:17, Wk. 9 Syracuse Half Marathon 1:31:51 (a very hilly course covered in ice.) These races gave me a lot of confidence knowing that I did not taper for them at all. I used the VDOT 02 predictor for marathon and saw 3:22 and 3:11 equivalent Marathon times and got very excited.
Pfitz 18/55 - Last 9 Weeks - Using my new predicted marathon time of 3:10 , I started really pushing my long runs and found that I could sustain 7:40 pace consistently on my final 10 miles of my long runs. I was also pushing the first part of these long runs to stay under 8 min / mile. I felt like I had alot of success initially pushing the pace during these workouts. I ran several non-tapered tune-up races: Wk. 14 10k 40:58, Wk. 16 10k 40:35. These results gave me the confidence to go for a 3:05 marathon. On Wk. 13, I did a 18 mi run w/ 14 miles at marathon pace and my heart rate was very high and I struggled to stay at 7:05. I chalked this up to training fatigue but in retrospect this should have been a red flag?
Pre-race:
I regret doing a bit of dieting prior to my carb load at the beginning of my taper, knowing I would gain some weight lbs in the week before the race. During the last 3 days of the taper, I ate too much bread and pasta and felt overly full up until the night before the race. My typical diet of 80% whole food plant based really fell out of sorts. I'm not a vegetarian or anything, but I find this helps me keep my weight down. Hydration and electrolytes were OK.
Race:
The strategy was to go out at 7:08/mi through 16 miles and make a decision to negative split to 6:57/mi for the last 10, or try to hang-on for a 3:07.
The day ranged from 55 degrees to the low 70s but very humid. The course was very hazy at times. I did not feel burdened by the weather but I'm sure it had some effect.
I had a maurten non-caf gel every 4-5 miles. I stopped at most water stations.
Miles 1-10 - I was surprised by the ease of my goal pace, even banking some time on a few down-hill miles. I regret this.
Miles 10-13 felt like I needed to push a small amount to keep pace but I let me self slow down 5-10 seconds per mile to minimize fatigue.
Miles 13-15 definitely required some effort to maintain pace. This effort reminded me of the early miles of the 10% marathon pace for the long runs. I did not feel like I was about to bonk at this time.
Miles 16 - I felt confident enough to speed up and test a sub 7 minute pace which I achieved for the first mile. The next 7 miles were incredible hard for me with the lactate really building up in my muscles. I progressively slowing to a 9:21/ mi pace a mile 24. I feel like I had done an OK job creating an environment during training where I needed to push through pain however, this level of muscle fatigue did not feel like it could be overcome with grit. I found my self periodically walking for 10 seconds to regain my composure. This part of the race left me with a lot of doubt about my fitness level.
Mile 25 - I saw the 3:20 pacer and decided to beat him with a very difficult last mile given the down-hill nature of the last mile.
Conclusions:
My lack of experience at this distance leaves me with more questions and than answers unfortunately. Part of me thinks I had no business shooting for a 3:05 to begin with, and that I should have read the signs and the difficulty of my predicted marathon pace during my long runs. I certainly hope to be testing this more in the future before setting a goal time. I would like to think that I may have had a chance at going under 3:10 or 3:15 if I had paced the race better and did not mess with my diet as much. Typically, when I have bonked before my heart-rate skyrockets. Here, I can only attribute my fatigue to lactic acid since my heart-rate was mostly in control and my breathing did not feel like the limiting factor.
I would love to hear advice and thoughts on this race as I recover and start training for Wineglass Marathon again in the fall marathon.
Thanks in Advance(d) for your advice,
Ken

Mile	Pace	Elev (ft)	Heart Rate (Max 190)
1	7:08	63	148
2	6:53	-15	161
3	6:56	-44	160
4	7:06	23	164
5	7:04	28	165
6	6:57	-37	164
7	6:54	-18	165
8	7:13	-15	163
9	7:14	7	164
10	7:12	-15	159
11	7:09	-1	165
12	7:07	0	171
13	7:13	26	169
14	7:17	28	167
15	7:34	26	167
16	7:15	-34	167
17	6:53	-24	168
18	7:10	24	171
19	7:42	3	165
20	7:51	-13	166
21	8:28	-11	156
22	8:08	1	160
23	8:59	20	154
24	9:20	8	151
25	9:02	37	155
26	7:54	-62	155

I have gotten back into burnout paradise lately and have been thinking about how awful the DLC cars are. I don't mean that they perform poorly, the opposite actually, but that is a problem. The DLC cars required no effort to unlock other than buying them as DLC (though they come free with remastered).
They are extremely unbalanced and greatly overshadow the other cars in the game that you have to put effort into unlocking. When BP first came out, the best cars were the last ones to unlock by playing offline, but after the DLC cars you could just pay $5 to get the GT nighthawk, the strongest car in the game that also has the fastest acceleration and excellent handling and top speed. Why would you waste time unlocking cars that are slower and worse than the nighthawk? The nighthawk is also a jack of all trades, master of all situation. In the base game, you had to choose a car that suited how you wanted to drive (raw speed, handling and maneuverability for stunts, strength/weight for takedowns, there were also in between options). However, the nighthawk is hands down the best all-rounder. Every online lobby has over 50% of people driving the nighthawk. The existence of this car ruins balance and diversity of vehicle selection.
Another big issue I have with the DLC cars are that ONLY 1 is actually a new car (the dust storm). I wont count the Olympus and Raj-jin Turbo since they were free and only available while playing online for some reason. All others are just variants of existing cars and their introductions don't really add anything to the game. It would have been much better to see less DLC cars but new additions that were actually new never before seen cars. There are so many cars that I would have loved to see a version of in BP.
Speaking of variants, I HATE how BP has the burning route system where you win another car, but it is just the exact same car with a different livery, tweaked stats, or sometimes a direct upgrade or in some cases, a direct downgrade. I think it would have been better to just have only one of each car and unlock new liveries instead. They could have also added unlockable "tuning packages" that alter the car's stats. Some could be direct and significant upgrades that are unlocked late game to keep cars unlocked early on competitive with late game cars.
Lastly, I just don't think the DLC cars "fit in" BP. I know the game is not at all realistic with the ramps everywhere and cars falling 100 feet and not being damaged and the fact that the entire city has an uncanny valley vibe with the city and the cars that move but no people in the cars or anywhere. However, I think BP should have focused on real world cars rather than tiny toy cars, hovercrafts, space alien technology cars, and the overpowered GT nightshit. That doesn't fit with the base game.
Overall, I'm really disappointed with how the burnout paradise DLC turned out. However, I LOVE big surf island even though all the unlockable cars with it are -you guessed it- VARIANTS.
Things I would have preferred as DLC as opposed to the GT nightshit and all other shitty variants: rain, additional map expansions, more game modes (I actually like cops and robbers, at least when I don't have to play against someone with invincibility cheats on), Cars and Bikes TOGETHER, and more in game versions of real world cars.
Thank you for reading my rant. I hope one day we get another burnout game that incorporates these ideas.

Welcome to another detailed guide from TheKitchenApplianceDad.com. Today, we’re diving into a common issue that many homeowners face with their freezers – a faulty defrost timer. Particularly, we are focusing on Frigidaire freezers, a popular brand known for its reliability and efficiency. Howev ........
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[CW: talk of ableism and trauma]
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TL;DR: My dad said to my mom when I took out my new fidget toy after a fairly traumatic day: “he’s (not my preferred pronouns) just going into ‘Autistic Mode’”. He said that he would look into group homes tomorrow again because I “treat them like shit”. I shut down around them, and have been doing so for at least a week or more. I don’t have a job, freshly graduated from college as of December, and I have been struggling to get interviews. I have been using my university’s career services and got accepted into Vocational Rehab, but my parents keep threatening to kick me out of the house and be done with me.
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For reference, I am highly confident I am Autistic and ADHD, but I have not been officially diagnosed. I have a referral and am in the process. My med manager is treating me with non-stimulants which work well and have increased executive function. I have also been exploring my being queer over the last few years, but only recently tried to explain to my parents in totality last November.
I knew they are queerphobic, and I knew that I annoy / upset them when I don’t talk and engage, and that when I talk it’s too much and not about the right thing. I just wanted to believe I was wrong. I wanted to believe I was reading into things because I’ve had so many past experiences where what I felt and what I thought turned out to be false. And they say they love me, and they love me so much that they hate to see me in pain, and so I wanted to believe that it’s true.
The last few days have been hard. My parents had family friends over (that have known me since I was a baby, and they have two adult children that didn’t come this round) for memorial day weekend from out of state. Since seeing the friends last, I have been doing a lot of self-discovery and further accepting the queer parts of myself. I hadn’t been planning to change my name, until by happenstance I found one online that I wanted to be mine due to it's simplicity and androgynous nature. But my parents (and my brother, though he has trans friends) have not been supportive. I just thought they raised me and gave me a name they picked out and so didn’t want to use a new one. It doesn’t make it better, but it’s something.
But they have made it clear in past conversations that it would be unfair for me to tell family friends and extended relatives. And so I spent all of last week before the weekend trying to debate whether I should tell the family friends that were coming over in a text message before they arrived. I tried to summon the courage, but I ended up not doing that. So when I first saw them, I shut down when their first words were “Hey, ”. I decided that I would make myself scarce because I knew I would just keep shutting down and having trouble speaking with them. Literally, it would be the same as with my parents where either the words don’t come or I don’t have the energy to get them past my throat.
So, I tried to be polite when I saw them and just didn’t engage in extensive conversation. When they left, my dad told me I was rude and selfish, and that I need to write them a letter to apologize. I ended up sending them a text today to apologize (didn't explain everything), but I didn’t want to send a letter because I am tired of using my dead name, and I would need to sign it.
I have been trying to avoid my parents even though we live in the same house because I don’t have a job yet. I recently graduated from college in December, but I have not been able to get interviews. I have been making use of my university’s career services and made appointments with the head of engineering to make my resume more appealing in terms of software engineering. I graduated with Interdisciplinary Studies focusing on Computer Science, Creative Writing, and Linguistics. I just want a job right now, and computer jobs pay well. I am hoping to figure out something beneficial in Creative Writing later, maybe Ghost Writing or something that might pay better than that. I also got accepted to use Vocational Rehab, and so I have been working with them.
But, since I am avoiding my parents, they believe I am trying to make it clear that I hate them. They consistently say that I “treat them like shit” and I am “lazy and just want an easy life”. Today has been a hard day after all the turmoil over the last week, and so I have had very little energy. I thought I could be experiencing depression, but I know what that feels like and where it leads. I am not there yet. So, I think the best word to describe it is probably dejected. Like the people who are constantly in my life don’t want me. In the late afternoon, I decided I didn’t just want to sit up in my room anymore, so I drove down to my bookstore to browse, and then checked to see if I could refill my meds. I had about an hour where I started feeling happy and enjoying myself, especially being able to browse the books and look at the descriptions on the back and recording the ones I want to read for later.
When I got home for dinner so my parents didn’t get mad, it was like all that happiness disappeared the moment I saw them. I could not move my face even if I wanted to, to pretend like I was cheery and all right. We got dinner out, and then I sat down. The counselor I like seeing at career services is also an ADHDer. I saw her last week to go over more plans for jobs, and she showed me the various baskets of stim toys she keeps on her bookshelf to hand out to students. She gave me one that’s a tightly knit, long rectangle and has a small glass ball inside. You squeeze it and the ball moves back and forth.
I haven’t used stim toys much growing up because I thought I was supposed to bear all the frustration and anxiety. But I have been trying to treat myself kinder over the last few months. So, I’ve been taking that stim toy with me, and had it when I went to the bookstore. With dinner set up, my parents were trying to get me to interact and “be better”. Without thinking, I took out the stim toy. My dad said I was going into “Autistic Mode” and that they can’t do anything. He will look at group homes again tomorrow.
…
Up until that moment, I had doubts. I thought that they really were trying to accept me and it was just hard, especially with all the queerness and years of mental health management (since 2019 when I broke down). But over the last month or so, I’ve had various times where I needed to record my mental health history for intake and I started talking about my parents and how I am starting to recognize the gaslighting and emotional abuse.
I have also been trying hard to remember the good moments. But I can't remember a moment where I was showing signs I am clearly Autistic or ADHD, and that they genuinely enjoyed and loved it. Especially as I've gotten older. I remember them expecting me to get good grades in school from the beginning. If it wasn't "A"s they were upset, and if I failed a test they told me to study again and took me down to school to convince the teacher to let me test again. If I couldn't prove I knew the material and the teacher didn't let me retake it, then I was shunned on the way home.
I want so much to be wrong. I want so much for them to be right and that it's me who is abusing them like they say it is. I don't know why--I don't really feel any emotional love for them and I don't think I ever did, I just don't want them to suffer--but if I am the one who's hurting them then maybe I can change and stop. Maybe I can get better and show them love and be nice to them like they deserve. I wouldn't need to make a plan to estrange myself from them when I am on my feet to better take care of myself. I wish it was me.
I don't know why I am writing all of this. You all have your own problems and don't need to load on mine, and I am not going to pretend I have it the worst even just in my own city. I also feel manipulative, like I am only writing the bad parts and that I should try to remember and describe the good parts.
I just don't have anyone I can talk to right now. I have been out of therapy for a few months. I have been on wait lists for more experienced therapists dealing with gender-affirming care, since that has become a bigger problem. I have something scheduled for the middle of next month with a more general therapist and a referral to a specialized therapist as well.
But I just want to talk to someone who understands. I don't have that in my life. When doctors ask me if I have anyone I can just vent to or trust, I can't think of anyone. I have one friend, but since graduating we only meet up once a month. I can share a lot with her and she is supportive, but then I feel like that one meeting is filled with me trying to vent and seek therapy from her. I don't really want more social interaction, but I want to feel like someone sees me, the real me, and they actually like what they see.
I plan to call the suicide hotline tomorrow. Not because I am suicidal, but because I was told I don't need to be suicidal to call. I know my parents will hear me on the phone if I call tonight, and I don't really want to spend a long time writing out the words in a text to the text number to explain everything when the person on the other end might not be able to fully understand, and so they would just tell me what they think I need to hear. But I guess I'd get the same from the phone call.
I don't know how to wrap this up, and it sounds when I read this over like I am quite lucid and therefore being petty by putting this here. I am lucid, but it doesn't really help me feel better. I can't lie to myself anymore; I've been trying so hard to not lie to myself when I spot it. I am sorry for the long rambling and various tangents. I just want to put this somewhere where people might understand.

My boyfriend emotionally cheated on me with a girl from a dating app, he took her out on a date and took her back to his apartment. They didn’t sleep together that’s why I called it emotional cheating. I took the girls Snapchat and asked her questions and she said she thought he had a girlfriend with all the stuff in his apartment, but she never reached out to me we have pictures up and he’s tagged. She said she blocked him and he has now permanently deleted all of his social media besides Facebook. Everyone says I need to break up with him, but I’m almost positive he is having a manic episode with how he is acting. He is not medicated or officially diagnosed, but ive been around people that has bi-polar and it’s not far off from what he is acting. It’s always an emotional roller coaster with him when he gets episodes he’s just never have done any of this. I figured he was cheating because he spends all of his days off with me and he was being weird about a certain day off he had and I told him I was gonna go through his phone and I still found the texts on Snapchat. It’s just the carelessness and the lack of any kind of emotions and the impulsiveness he randomly out of know where got a 2 month old kitten when he works 12 hour shifts he does 4 days on and 2 days off I had to take the last cat he got almost 9 months ago because we both decided that his schedule wasn’t working and having to care for a kitten just wasn’t working. He told me he feels like he’s in a fog and is depressed and has no emotions, he’s usually a pretty emotional person. He has autism, mostly with reading people he struggles with that. I’ve been with him since my freshman year in college and he’s had a couple episodes, but he’s never cheated. I’m just upset because i literally do not know if I should stay or leave. I don’t have trust for him and I literally only cry and stay in bed, I took off work because I’m so emotional, but I don’t have bi-polar so I have a hard time. he said he’s scheduling an appointment some time this week, but I can’t tell if he is in control of his actions when he is manic like this. Everyone keeps telling me he knows what he’s doing, but i or them don’t have bi-polar. He says we need to take a break because he needs to focus on getting help and building a relationship back up right now is not something he can do right now. which is hard, but it’s true. He at first said he is sick of hurting me and we need to break up, which I didn’t want to do because this isn’t him, or I don’t think it is. After talking I told him you don’t get to decide anything when you’re like this after getting an appointment set up with a therapist and a doctor we can talk after that and he agreed, but he wants to do it alone. It’s just so frustrating, because I literally don’t know anything anymore is this him or is this not him because I literally can’t tell.
Sorry for the long rant. This is a throw away account btw.

Hi there! I am reading through inter-war history, with a focus on intellectuals in Western Europe at that time. I'm very curious about how Italians would view Gramsci years after his death. Any comments welcome!

Title explanation: Lilia lost her airpods at school but found them the next day.
Today is Lilia’s very last day of middle school ever. Her 8th grade graduation is tomorrow. Today is her last in service day of school. Jess is so sad dropping Lilia off. Jess sent her first born off to her very last day of middle school. The next time Jess drops Lilia off it will be at high school. Lilia’s graduation is not until tomorrow. Today is Lilia’s last academic day of school. Jess can’t believe that this day has come. Jess came to home depot because she will finish the bathroom this week. They have been doing it themselves. It is taking quite a while and is low on the priority list. Jess wants to finish it this week. On the way to home depot Jess remembered when she had Lilia. Jess was pregnant at 17 and had Lilia at 18. Even something as simple as calculating how old Jess would be when Lilia was 10. Jess feels like everyone does that when you first have a kid. Jess has always known that when Lilia graduates high school she will be 36. Jess was thinking about all the memories of Lilia. It dawned on Jess that she is 32. Lilia only has 4 more years left of school. 18 year old Jess thought that that moment was so far away. However it is here and not so far away. It was a blink of an eye. Jess will be a mess tomorrow at Lilia’s graduation. Jess already feels it. Jess is not a crier. (I already knew that. She fake cries all the time but no actual tears come out.) In The last 2 years Jess has gotten more emotional because she realizes more how beautiful life is. Everything is making Jess emotional. Even some movies Jess watches are making her emotional. Jess hates watching people cry because it is so annoying. Jess can’t believe that she is here and that this is happening. It goes by in the blink of an eye and then it is over. Jess still has so much time left. Jess is going to focus on the bathroom because it is getting out of control and is sad.
Jess is wearing Landen’s crocs because they were the only shoes she could find and they fit her. Kyson and Kaden’s shoes are too big. Jess wants to do a retro curvy strip across the bathroom wall. Jess is going to do 5 colors that complement each other and go with the theme. Jess doesn’t know how this will turn out. Jess is winging this. Chris had to come and save the day because they don't take apple pay. After Chris dropped the little kids off at school he came and met Jess at home depot.
Jess doesn’t have too much time because Lilia has a minimum day. The guys are working on the ADU today. Lilia has a minimum day since it is the very last day of school. Jess doesn’t have too much time. The rest of the kids are not out of school today. It is not their last day of school. They have a whole week left of school. They are on a very different schedule. They still have a solid week and a half. Today is Lilia’s last academic day. Tomorrow is her graduation. The following day is when Lilia leaves on her 8th grade trip to washington dc/new york. Jess is excited for Lilia but also nervous. Jess finished all of the cabinet doors and put the paint away. However she forgot a door so she had to put everything back out.
Jess is going to attempt the very first line of the bathroom. The wall is just so plain. Jess wants a little something to go across. Her vision is for it to go up the wall and over the other wall above the light fixture. There is so much space. Jess doesn’t know. She is going to completely wing this. Jess needs to finish off the wall paint. Jess ended up sticking with the darker pepto bismol color on one wall, and the lighter one on the other 2 walls. Jess went back and forth but she decided to try it like that. If she hates it she will repaint it. Jess does hate it but she didn’t want to repaint it and then she liked the contrast. They will see it with the strip on it. The strip will add another element.
Jess just came to Lilia’s school to pick her up. Yesterday they had a picnic outside for lunch. At some point in the day Lilia realized she was missing her airpods. She doesn’t know at what point she lost them. Lilia thinks she lost them somewhere out in the huge grass area. They checked lost and found but no one turned them in. They are hoping they are in the tall grass area. They are not catching a signal through the find my iphone setting. They are still not connecting. It is not looking good. They found them. Jess is shocked. They were buried in a patch of grass. That is a miracle. They were exactly where Lilia’s phone said they were. Jess can’t believe it. What a way to kick off summer. Jess is shook. Jess knew they could do it. Jess is so happy.
Addie has cheer today. Today is going to be a crazy day for Addie. Addie has cheer, then straight to dance for pictures. Landen got his hair repermed yesterday. Jess is confident about it this time because they cut it shorter which Jess loves. The guy that they take Landen to get his hair permed. The guy is so amazing that they started taking the rest of the kids to get their hair cut from him. Chris started getting his haircut from him. This was a really good find. The downside is that he only works 3 days a week so you have to plan for those days. Those days are the days that they have soccer. Landen goes from getting his hair freshly permed straight to soccer practice. Jess feels like it isn’t good but they don’t have any other options. This week their soccer schedule has completely changed because it is the end of the season. Jess feels like it will stick better this time because Landen wore a bonnet to bed last night. Jess is going to get Landen one for himself. Everyone should wear them. Landen isn’t going to practice and sweating it out and he is protecting his hair at night. Landen just has Jess’s hair texture which never has held a curl. Jess got a perm once or twice but it didn’t stick. It went straight immediately. That is exactly what Landen’s did. Jess thinks it also might be a hair texture thing. Even to this day Jess’s curls won’t last all day. It is flat by the end of the day. Even if Jess puts certain products in it it still doesn’t hold like others do.
Mango has been extremely happy. His beard isn’t black, his appetite is back and he is eating normally. Mango started dribbling from the side when eating. The lump has gotten bigger. (Well you decided to stop all meds and let nature take its course. Nature is taking its course.) His mouth is open on the side that has the lump. Jess doesn’t know why. The lump is getting bigger. However Mango is really happy and in good spirits. Mango is eating normal. Jess doesn’t know what to do. (How about going back to the vet and resuming the meds?) They are taking it day by day. Mango is happy and that is all Jess cares about.
Addie has flight school today. It teaches how to do lifts in cheer. Jess isn’t a seasoned cheer mom yet. Then they have to go straight to her dance dress rehearsal.

Hey guys, I don’t post on Reddit much, but am super scared for my doctor’s appointment tomorrow. I (F14) have (what seems to be) some form of hypothyroidism. Though my TSH is just slightly above the normal range (4.84), when I got an antibodies test done my T3 and T4 came back normal, but my antibodies were pretty wack. My “Thyroid Peroxidase Ab” was 76, and my “Thyroglobulin Ab” was 394. I don’t know much about what all the blood levels mean exactly, but I was told that I am (most likely) in the early stages of hypothyroidism and have Hashimoto’s Disease. I was then referred to a pediatric endocrinologist, who managed to squeeze me in for an appointment tomorrow. My mom and grandma both have hypothyroidism, so I was bound to get it at some point… I just didn’t realize that it would come so soon! Another important thing to mention is that I’m an elite level age group competitive swimmer, who swims for over 15 hours a week and is ranked in the top 100 (in multiple events, might I add) every year. For the last 18 months, I have been experiencing MAJOR fatigue in both races and in practice. I’ve always been the type of person who is super strong (I’m over 6 feet tall, haha) and can thug it out whenever workouts get hard, especially at the parts in them where others fail— that has NOT been the case, and has honestly gotten wayyyyy worse over time. Though I didn’t realize what these symptoms were at the time, I am now strongly believing that they are associated with hypothyroidism, or my Hashimoto’s Disease. Here are some of my symptoms that follow:

• EXTREME FATIGUE… like I’m talking extreme! I’ve never been this tired before, not just out of the water but in it as well. I am totally dying in all of my sets, and in my races.
  
• Muscle Weakness. My muscles just give out on me after what feels like a 50.
  
• Muscle Soreness. My muscles are sore— they’ve never been sore before!! Additionally, when I look back on videos of me swimming in a race, I look like I’m taking it easy. It doesn’t feel that way at all— rather, I feel like I’m pushing it harder than I ever have before.
  
• Dry Skin. My skin is constantly peeling, dry, and prone to break outs. I live in a very humid place as well, where most of my friends have extremely oily skin.
  
• Hair Loss/Thinning Hair. My hair has always been super thick and curly, but it has started falling out a lot!!
  
• Puffy Face. My face has also gotten a lot fatter, if I’m being honest. I’ve always been the type of person with a long, skinny face, but over the last year my face has turned incredibly round and makes me look like I weigh a lot more than I actually do.
  
• Weight Gain. I’ve always had a fast metabolism, but my weight gain has progressed a lot more exponentially within the past month. One week, I went from 153 pounds to 160… I hadn’t been eating any differently than I was before, and was working out at the same intensity.
  
• Cold Sensitivity. I sleep in an 80 degree room every night, and still wake up due to being too cold. Well we’re on the topic of sleep, I sleep well over 10 hours a night (I’ve never needed more than 8) and still wake up feeling exhausted.
  
• Depression. Since January of 2023, I’ve been feeling depressed, and it has only gotten worse since then. I’ve found Jesus, focused on the positives, gone to a therapist, and I am still feeling pretty depressed. Though it’s only minor (I never think about killing myself or anything), I’ve read a lot about how hypothyroidism can trigger this sort of thing, which makes a lot of sense, as that’s when all of my other symptoms began to form as well.
  
• I have more symptoms as well, which I could mention in the comments, if necessary.
  

My coaches and mother all thought that I was burned out. I kept on saying “I’m not! I feel motivated, and I absolutely can’t live without this sport!” (I LOVE swimming with all of my heart, and have never doubted that I wouldn’t be wanting to do it anymore.) Well, once the lab results came back… I was finally believed! I’ve changed my workouts to be shorter and all at race-pace (USRPT, if you swim), which has helped a little bit, with me taking a rest after I feel myself get to that same level of fatigued.
Where I’m going with this, is that my mother and older sister don’t believe I’m going to be medicated for this, as my mother wasn’t put on medication until her TSH was well over 10. I can’t express through words how much I believe that being medicated would help me, especially in swimming. My energy levels are impacted everything I do, and I’m sure that if I wasn’t an athlete, it wouldn’t be as big of a deal. The problem is that swimming is my bloodline, and also incredibly difficult— even if you don’t have a thyroid issue! The surplus makes it almost impossible for me to achieve my full potential and go much faster than I am right now.
I’d be surprised if anyone were to have read this through the whole way, but these are my questions: - Will I (more than likely) be medicated after my appointment tomorrow? - If I’m not, should I go to another endocrinologist to see if they will? - Are there any other (serious) athletes on this sub who have gone through hypothyroidism, and would they have any sort of tips for dealing with this issue well?
Thanks again if any of you read this far!!