Streetcar called desire script

I've recently been tinkering with Ubuntu 22.04's Unattended Installation using a preseed file. During installation, I noticed that apt would download and upgrade all packages, which I could skip by expanding the drop down menu and press Skip. I really need to disable this, since I'll be running this unattended installation on a relatively big number of machines. Is there any way to add this "Skip" to the preseed file, or somehow modify the installation image to make this happen?
For reference, my preseed file is quite similar to https://www.virtualbox.org/browsevbox/trunk/src/VBox/Main/UnattendedTemplates/ubuntu_preseed.cfg, and is loaded onto the installation image with grub config. To create the installation image, I chroot into the original installation image then repack it, and I also use late_command to call a cleanup script.

Saint Theodore was called “Sanctified” because he had purified his heart of its passions and made his body a worthy temple of the Holy Spirit, so that he was the first in his monastery to be ordained to the priesthood.*
Saint Theodore came from Egypt and was the son of wealthy and noble Christian parents. The yearning for monastic life appeared early in him. Once there was a large party at the house of his parents during the feast of Theophany. The boy did not want to take part in the festivities, grieving that because of earthly joys he might be deprived of joys in the life to come. He secretly left home when he was fourteen and entered one of the monasteries in the diocese of Sne, near the modern town of Esna, Egypt. A brother from Theodores’ monastery stayed with Abba Pachomios in Tabennisi while traveling and preached of the virtues of the cenobium upon his return to Sne.
Hearing about Pachomios the Great, he burned with the desire to see the ascetic. Although initially denied passage to Tabennese by a Pachomian monk due to his wealthy background, Theodore opted to follow the visiting monk, and his persistence (and lack of obedience) paid off. He was welcomed by Pachomios upon his arrival, having been informed by God beforehand about his coming, and quickly integrated into the community at Tabennisi around 328. Remaining at the monastery, Saint Theodore quickly succeeded in all his monastic tasks, particularly in his complete obedience to his spiritual father, and in his compassion towards the other brethren. Theodore’s mother, learning that he was at the Tabennisi monastery, came to Saint Pachomios with a letter from the bishop, asking to see her son. Saint Theodore did not wish to break his vow to renounce the world, so he refused to meet with his mother. Seeing a convent not far away which was under the spiritual direction of Pachomios' sister, she entered the convent and was tonsured a nun. After a period of time Paphnutios, Theodore's brother, also came to the monastery and was tonsured a monk.
Seeing Theodore’s strength of mind and ability, Pachomios once told him to instruct the brethren on Holy Scripture. Saint Theodore was then only twenty years old. He obeyed and began to speak, but some of the older brethren took offense that a new monk should teach them, and they departed. Pachomios said to them, “You have given in to the devil and because of your conceit, your efforts will come to naught. You have not rejected Theodore, but rather the word of God, and have deprived yourselves of the Holy Spirit.”
Pachomius appointed Saint Theodore as overseer of the Tabennisi monastery, and withdrew to the more solitary Monastery of Phbow (several new monasteries had been built by this time). However, Pachomios recalled him from the position after witnessing several monks under Theodores’ watch violating the monastic rules without reprimand. Having failed to prove his governing ability and once more in a position no higher than when he had entered the monastery, Theodore became a personal assistant to Pachomios and remained relatively quiet for some years. Despite his clear potential and popularity, Pachomios refused to grant Theodore any kind of authority; though the old man's failing health soon changed things forever.
When Theodore the Sanctified was in Panopolis with Saint Pachomios, his spiritual father, a philosopher came to him and offered to debate with him about the Christian faith. The philosopher then posed these three questions to Theodore: "Who was not born, but died?" "Who was born and did not die?" "Who died and did not decay?" To these questions, Theodore replied: "Adam was not born and died. Enoch was born and did not die. Lot's wife died and did not decay." And the Saint added this advice to the philosopher: "Heed our sound advice; depart from these useless questions and scholastic syllogisms; draw near to Christ Whom we are serving and you will receive forgiveness of sins."
After Theodore had been assisting Pachomios at Tabennisi for several years following his demotion, Pachomios became very ill and seemed to be on the verge of death. Pachomios had not named a successor, and several brothers pleaded with Theodore to assert himself as head of the cenobium when the sickly man died. Despite the assertion that Theodore apparently did not want the rank of a father, he consented. Unfortunately for the would-be leader, Pachomios recovered, and upon hearing of Theodore’ decision, exiled the ambitious young man. After living a life of constant weeping and prayer in solitude, Pachomios forgave Theodore and allowed him to live among the brothers once more. Normalcy returned, though never again would Pachomios fully trust his former protégé.
In 348 Saint Pachomios died, naming the monk Petronios as his successor rather than the clearly qualified Theodore. The death of Petronios later that year would leave Apa Horsiesios (Orsisius) in charge, and the popular Theodore would retreat to the distant Monastery of Phnoum. Although it seems Theodore practiced complete submission to the new leader of the cenobium, problems soon arose in several Pachomian monasteries that viewed Horsiesios as a weak leader. Refusing to work or communicate and demanding a new leader, many of the elder monks completely abandoned any notion of obedience to Horsiesios. The federation of monasteries was falling apart, and Theodore rushed to Tabennisi to placate the rebels. Soon after his arrival, Theodore was the new de facto leader, though he claimed to be only acting on behalf of Horsiesios. For eighteen years Theodore administered from Pachomios’ old headquarters in Phbow, using techniques far more assertive than his predecessors, such as constantly shuffling the offices and locations of the most ambitious monks. Yet in spite of this somewhat unstable shifting, he oversaw the Thebaid monasteries peacefully for nearly two decades, at which point Theodore predicted he would soon die. Within a few months his prediction came true, and Apa Horsiesios once more took his place as the head of the communities in both title and authority.
Saint Theodore the Sanctified was famed for his sanctity of life, and the great gifts of wonderworking and prophecy (many of his miracles and prophecies are recorded in the Letter of Ammon), and he was well known to Saint Athanasius, Patriarch of Alexandria, who heaped praises on Theodore after his passing. Saint Theodore reposed in his old age in the year 368.
Source

Saint Theodore was called “Sanctified” because he had purified his heart of its passions and made his body a worthy temple of the Holy Spirit, so that he was the first in his monastery to be ordained to the priesthood.*
Saint Theodore came from Egypt and was the son of wealthy and noble Christian parents. The yearning for monastic life appeared early in him. Once there was a large party at the house of his parents during the feast of Theophany. The boy did not want to take part in the festivities, grieving that because of earthly joys he might be deprived of joys in the life to come. He secretly left home when he was fourteen and entered one of the monasteries in the diocese of Sne, near the modern town of Esna, Egypt. A brother from Theodores’ monastery stayed with Abba Pachomios in Tabennisi while traveling and preached of the virtues of the cenobium upon his return to Sne.
Hearing about Pachomios the Great, he burned with the desire to see the ascetic. Although initially denied passage to Tabennese by a Pachomian monk due to his wealthy background, Theodore opted to follow the visiting monk, and his persistence (and lack of obedience) paid off. He was welcomed by Pachomios upon his arrival, having been informed by God beforehand about his coming, and quickly integrated into the community at Tabennisi around 328. Remaining at the monastery, Saint Theodore quickly succeeded in all his monastic tasks, particularly in his complete obedience to his spiritual father, and in his compassion towards the other brethren. Theodore’s mother, learning that he was at the Tabennisi monastery, came to Saint Pachomios with a letter from the bishop, asking to see her son. Saint Theodore did not wish to break his vow to renounce the world, so he refused to meet with his mother. Seeing a convent not far away which was under the spiritual direction of Pachomios' sister, she entered the convent and was tonsured a nun. After a period of time Paphnutios, Theodore's brother, also came to the monastery and was tonsured a monk.
Seeing Theodore’s strength of mind and ability, Pachomios once told him to instruct the brethren on Holy Scripture. Saint Theodore was then only twenty years old. He obeyed and began to speak, but some of the older brethren took offense that a new monk should teach them, and they departed. Pachomios said to them, “You have given in to the devil and because of your conceit, your efforts will come to naught. You have not rejected Theodore, but rather the word of God, and have deprived yourselves of the Holy Spirit.”
Pachomius appointed Saint Theodore as overseer of the Tabennisi monastery, and withdrew to the more solitary Monastery of Phbow (several new monasteries had been built by this time). However, Pachomios recalled him from the position after witnessing several monks under Theodores’ watch violating the monastic rules without reprimand. Having failed to prove his governing ability and once more in a position no higher than when he had entered the monastery, Theodore became a personal assistant to Pachomios and remained relatively quiet for some years. Despite his clear potential and popularity, Pachomios refused to grant Theodore any kind of authority; though the old man's failing health soon changed things forever.
When Theodore the Sanctified was in Panopolis with Saint Pachomios, his spiritual father, a philosopher came to him and offered to debate with him about the Christian faith. The philosopher then posed these three questions to Theodore: "Who was not born, but died?" "Who was born and did not die?" "Who died and did not decay?" To these questions, Theodore replied: "Adam was not born and died. Enoch was born and did not die. Lot's wife died and did not decay." And the Saint added this advice to the philosopher: "Heed our sound advice; depart from these useless questions and scholastic syllogisms; draw near to Christ Whom we are serving and you will receive forgiveness of sins."
After Theodore had been assisting Pachomios at Tabennisi for several years following his demotion, Pachomios became very ill and seemed to be on the verge of death. Pachomios had not named a successor, and several brothers pleaded with Theodore to assert himself as head of the cenobium when the sickly man died. Despite the assertion that Theodore apparently did not want the rank of a father, he consented. Unfortunately for the would-be leader, Pachomios recovered, and upon hearing of Theodore’ decision, exiled the ambitious young man. After living a life of constant weeping and prayer in solitude, Pachomios forgave Theodore and allowed him to live among the brothers once more. Normalcy returned, though never again would Pachomios fully trust his former protégé.
In 348 Saint Pachomios died, naming the monk Petronios as his successor rather than the clearly qualified Theodore. The death of Petronios later that year would leave Apa Horsiesios (Orsisius) in charge, and the popular Theodore would retreat to the distant Monastery of Phnoum. Although it seems Theodore practiced complete submission to the new leader of the cenobium, problems soon arose in several Pachomian monasteries that viewed Horsiesios as a weak leader. Refusing to work or communicate and demanding a new leader, many of the elder monks completely abandoned any notion of obedience to Horsiesios. The federation of monasteries was falling apart, and Theodore rushed to Tabennisi to placate the rebels. Soon after his arrival, Theodore was the new de facto leader, though he claimed to be only acting on behalf of Horsiesios. For eighteen years Theodore administered from Pachomios’ old headquarters in Phbow, using techniques far more assertive than his predecessors, such as constantly shuffling the offices and locations of the most ambitious monks. Yet in spite of this somewhat unstable shifting, he oversaw the Thebaid monasteries peacefully for nearly two decades, at which point Theodore predicted he would soon die. Within a few months his prediction came true, and Apa Horsiesios once more took his place as the head of the communities in both title and authority.
Saint Theodore the Sanctified was famed for his sanctity of life, and the great gifts of wonderworking and prophecy (many of his miracles and prophecies are recorded in the Letter of Ammon), and he was well known to Saint Athanasius, Patriarch of Alexandria, who heaped praises on Theodore after his passing. Saint Theodore reposed in his old age in the year 368.
Source

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Visit vocaroo.com, record the script provided, and include the link in your application.
Script:
"Hello, my name is [Your Name]. I represent Concierge Elite. Are you currently hiring? Great, where could I send my resume? Thank you and we will talk soon"

I have been using Walgreens three months. They have my meds in stock, while CVS does not. So I transferred it all to Walgreens. In those three months, I've become a labeled junkie. I take two buprenorphine a day. I suffer unimaginable anxiety, agoraphobia, panic, PTSD. Yall, I'm really struggling. The pharmacists do NOT know my story. I am not a former heroin user. I was on norco, 4/day. Doctor just stopped them. Kept me on a leash of sorts, knowing I'd withdrawal and need more. I ALONE decided to stop. Went to IOP and started Suboxone. For five years, never got meds early. In March 2024, my doc and I experienced a sort of miscommunication. If the pharmacist would have asked, they would have understood. I'm having hard time with the pills and more anxiety than ever. So this month my doc changed me back to strips. Also, Sublocade was just approved for 0$. Paise god! Walgreens called CVS where I had the scripts five years. Proceeded to tell a doctor to LOOK at all her issues. She is doctor and pharm shopping. I have one doc and one pharm. damn!! Why??? Why AssUMe that all ppl on this drug are on the last train to the city, with needles hanging out of their toes? Addicts (I am one) are all the same. Our stories are ours and not everyone is bad. In fact, we love hard. I was told today that this is the last time we do this. Hell, it was due last month on 16th and it's due again. This is it!!!! Or you won't get any of your meds. There's no need for action like that. Even if you think I'm a junkie. Perhaps Walgreens pharmacists got caught doing things they shouldn't. It's sch III. Please! Bruh is in TX, and maybe they have his nads in the palm of their hands. Tell me why they have to do this. No moral COOTH or class. Just brass audacity, bad vibes, and shi*** managers.

I need to join cgpeers . I was active for years and for many reasons I lost my data and my acc . I tried to talk with admin on irc . He was very very rude and he had a very bad attitude calling me lying many times . I was very polite and honest about my case but he called me lier many times . I said thx for ur attitude he kicked me out .. actually I don’t accept that type of people who r just trying to insult u for no reason . I am a very polite person I respect everyone but I have dignity and I can’t accept these types of people .. I really need help how can I get an invite for cgpeers . I don’t have much experience of private trackers but I am always active helping the community in uploading. All my experience is about cg . And I don’t want to talk to the admin again in irc . Some people advised me to get invite by being active on other private trackers like BHD GGN MAM MTV or RED . I never used any of these but when I googled I found that those are also private and need invitation. I feel like I am in a closed loop . I do need cgpeers for living because I am not willing to buy most of cg softwares plugins and scripts because of my country currency .. I get money for living with my experience in cg . And nw I don’t have the source of stuff I need to work and I can’t find them on the internet . I don’t expect an easy way to join cgpeers again . But I need an advise From the community here to join cgpeers again . Also I can do everything for that . I can be very active for helping others and being active for uploading for others . Please help me

Me (21M) and my GF (20F) are in a long distance relationship and we are so close of seeing each other for the first time and giving a big step, but some dumb things i did are consuming me, please help
Me (21M) and a Girl (20F) have been in a long distance relationship for little more than 3 years now, and we are so close to taking a VERY important step and making progress, but there's something really worrying me, what you guys think?
Well, we knew each other at the beggining of 2021, initially as friends, we just started talking with each other with absolutely no other intentions, so i must say our relation developed very differently from all other relationships i've had before.
All the other relationships i had before kinda followed a script: A girl i found attractive, started developing a feeling of ''omg i want her so bad'', then i started talking to the girl and then boom, it happened, butterflies in the stomach, infatuation at its finest, but with her things developed very differently actually, almost like we had skipped the infatuation and jumped directly into a relationship based on a different kind of feeling, a feeling of being calm, at home with each other, at peace, comfortable, you know?
We became friends, started to talking to each other more, more and more, then at some point we started flirting with each other, feeling again more and more comfortable with each other, then after all of this we just started calling one another ''love'', talking to each other everyday, sharing all of our days, feelings, actually treating each other like a couple would, now the problem kicks in.
At the time we met i was 18 and she was 17, we felt sooo good with each other, a level of connection and you know, freedom to be who we really are that we never felt with literally anyone, but for the first 2 years of it we never had a serious conversation about commitment, about boundaries, wether or not it was a exclusive thing. And i won't lie, i would be sad if she did something with other guys, i knew she would be sad if i did too with other girls, even knowing that it wasn't exactly ''prohibited'' since we had never talked about it.
Well. in that meantime of the first 2 years, with this in mind, i ended up kissing 2 girls, nothing related to feelings, just 2 party kisses like ok we kissed now fuck off, and i also flirted with other girls with the same freedom i would have if i were single, and at that time i remember pretty well that it wasn't actually bothering me, i wasn't feeling that i was doing something tremendously wrong, but lets continue.
Time passed, i started thinking about all of those things and it REALLY started bothering me, i really started to think like ''wtf? i don't need any of this, none of these girls comes close to making me feel so good about everything we do together like she does'' and well, at this time, my friends, it started to absolutely consume me. I started thinking about how she would react if i told her about all of it, i started asking myself more and more why i gave myself this freedom in first place, why didn't i think about her feelings more before? I started feeling so fucking bad about it, to the point of crying thinking about the possibility of hurting her, etc etc.
Well reality is, i was dealing with her as my certainty for the future, my plan for the future, but not as my plan for the present, but at the same time i said nothing to her about this vision i had about us, cause deep inside i really didn't want to live a poligamous relationship you know? Never liked and never will like this idea, i just thought well, we are not serious yet, so it isn't wrong, it won't hurt her cause it's not something i have the obligation to tell her nor she have the obligation of telling me if it happens.
Well, after all of it i came to the point of having the absolute certainty about who i truly wanted to be with me, who i wanted to build a future with, then i immediately stopped giving me the liberty of flirting with other people, i stopped looking at it as a ''not wrong'' thing and started focusing only and exclusively on her, and started to think to myself, bruh, she is NOT your plan for the future, she is your future and also should be your biggest plan for the present.
At this point i felt the need of oficializing all the things, felt the needing of feeling my lungs and properly calling her my girlfriend. But one thing was keeping me from doing it, the things i did in the past while we were already together sharing feelings for each other and making plans.
So i think i did the hardest and scariest decision i ever did in all my life, i decided that i definitely wouldn't be asking her to be my girl, to seriously have the commitment talk, before letting her know about all that happened in this meantime. I knew that she could simply get emotionally destroyed, end up everything, end all the plans, dump me, and i knew that i would need to leave forever with the feeling of having messed up my future with the most amazing, caring, incredible, attractive, passionate girl of this entire world right in that moment, but well, i absolutely couldn't look at that damn eyes, at that fucking pretty smile of her and hide all of this from her, i wanted to tell her about all of it so she could decide what she wanted to do.
So this is what i did, i waited for her to go home after her work and i told her about it. I explained what was in my head at the moment, told about the kissing, the flirting, and etc. She obviously got very affected, sad, kinda surprised, and oh gosh it hurted so much on me too, but well, after all she said that she didn't consider those things as cheating cause she agreed that we weren't oficially commited, but that it was emotionally irresponsible, but ok, at the end she was happy for me to have told her about it, she said that she understands it, that she loves me so much, that never someone treated her so well, also said to not worry cause her trust in me hadn't changed, and well guys, we finally had the conversation we needed to have since the beggining, she accepted, she knew i regretted all those things so fucking much, she even told me ''hey, stop crying it's ok'', told me she knew i wouldn't make those things again from now on and oof, let's proceed to the main point now.
We are very close to seeing each other for the first time, making a very big step, our families actually supports us, and i am happy with all of it, but i honestly didn't managed to get over the guilt. Looks like independently of all the things i feel for her, my thoughts keeps hitting me like a fucking hammer saying ''you wouldn't do those things if you really loved her, really cared for her'' also good to remember that im a extremely anxious person, also have ocd, and overthinking about all of this is honestly making me lose my mind, i know that our love developed with time, that i changed so much since the beggining of it, 18 to 21 seems like a short period of time but oh god, i changed perspective completely and well, sometimes i even feel unworthy of her, of her love, i can't separate my anxiety from my true feelings sometimes, and it makes me constantly doubt my feelings.
I know that she is the most important thing on my life, i know that i feel for her something magical i never felt for anyone else, but this guilt makes me feel bad, and makes me want to believe i don't love her because of those things. And i will be honest, i get to the point of crying thinking about the possibility of not loving her, i know that it VERY probably is just my anxiety consuming me, but whatever, i don't know wheter i am making a thunderstorm inside a cup of water, overthinking about it or i don't know.
I have a feeling that i left a scratch on a relationship that was supposed to be perfect. I try to convince myself that it's been absolutely perfect since the moment we oficially commited, so there's nothing to talk about ''scratches'', that it is all going perfectly, that our history begins now, but i sometimes can't.
Well guys, what do you think about it? and also, have any of you gone through sommething like this? Do i need to stop overthinking, or do you guys think it will chase me forever? I feel so bad about the things i did, sometimes i feel an urge to break up only because i feel unworthy of her, well, give your opinion.
TL;DR: I feel bad for kissing and flirting with other people during a LDR, cause at the time we didn't had a conversation about commitment, basically: lack of communication, and i feel horribly guilty about it sometimes, even knowing that i changed priorities and told her about all of it before moving on.

As many parents like to keep marriage within culture which there is nothing wrong of you can preserve your culture and if you push for same race marriage etc nothing wrong with that it’s your preference. For example I am from Pakistan i prefer my wife be from the same country as me as I don’t think many women really like Pakistanis for whatever reason so not really like I have a choice but Wallahu Allam. But still if I have a righteous Muslim woman who is black, white, etc who wants to marry I would do it. Many Mashayakh said it could be better with compatibility as they see it happen Wallahu Allam.
But back to marrying a potential if your parents don’t like them and if they are not of your religious background or known by your family is it permissible to for your wali to reject the proposal. It is not and I do not say this the Mashayakh and the prophet say this.
This is what Shaykh Ibn Baz former head mufti of Saudi Arabia, our father in Salafiyyah and our senior in Fiqh and Hadith said:

Yes. It is obligatory upon a guardian (waliyy) to choose for his ward or daughter a righteous man – and he should not refuse a man who is pious due to him being a relative or a non-relative. Rather, he should choose someone whom he is pleased with in his religion and character even if he is not related – this is what is obligatory upon a waliyy, whether he’s the father or other than him. Likewise, it is obligatory upon the woman that she strives to accept a proposal from a man who is good in his Religion, and fine and pleasant in his character – and she should not accept a proposal for marriage from one who is not good in his religion or his character even if he happens to be a relative.

Fatāwā Noor ‘alad-Darb, 20/151.
Shaykh Al Pakistan, Shaykh Zubayr Ali Zai (rahimullah) the Muhhadith and one of the biggest mountains of Hadith said:

If the parents of the (girl) are known to commit Dhulm on this or they are (misguided and innovated) with their daughters regarding this (girl) can come to us (the ulema and the imams/scholars) and we will indefinitely get her married to the person she likes who is upon Deen.

This is from a phone call Shaykh Zubayr also said:

I get surprised listening about issues like this because I can see both sides. Many sisters (unfortunately) marry a man who is not on deen because she likes how he (looks) so then the parents disagree and the woman says this is Dhulm then when the woman marries her, her life is ruined likewise some men lie to the woman and the parents were right about him lying but the sister here didn’t listen but at the same time many sisters want to marry the (Ahlul Hadith) who are upon deen, who do pray, who will teach them, who will love them, who will speak to them in a kind manner, who will keep her face as a Noor, who will maintain her Haya, who will maintain her financially and chastity. The parents deny them and get her married to a man she doesn’t like who may be abusive or she may not enjoy him as he enjoys her, this will take her Noor away imagine if we as men weren’t allowed to marry women of our desires (upon Deen). Indeed many of the scholars (Malik Ibn Anas, Ibn Abdul Barr, Abu Hanifah etc) believed that marriage without your parents approval isnt permissible but we as the followers of the sunnah say If it is out of extreme necessity and the sister can’t get on without him we as the Ulema (our duty is to tend to the Deen) will try to get her married as we are eligible to be the Wali. May Allah remove us from Jahiliyyah.

This is what the prophet said:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.

Sahih Al Bukhari 5090.
Why is this important as this shows the man not to look at her for her culture but the criterion mentioned above.
Now with your parents what to do with them You have to obey your parents and this is a very strong scent which a Muslim has to do. Even with oppressive parents we have to obey them no matter how much we hate it shaykh Al Abani was asked about an abusive mother in law, the man asked what should he do with the man whose mother abuses his wife. Shaykh Al Abani told him to go to his mother in the kindest manner and if she doesn’t listen then make dua as in a Hadith Anas Ibn Malik says to his companions about an oppressive ruler “Be patient (even if it is till your death) and fear Allah” as this is the best foundation upon a Muslim to have his dua answered . He feared the sin of disobeying parents as indeed Allah gave them high status. But does this mean a woman can not marry without a wali, Yes a woman can not marry without a wali but she can choose someone else to be her wali. If the woman fears her father won’t be a good fit she can choose her brother likewise if both aren’t good she can go to the Imam or the scholars may Allah have Mercy on them.
My brothers and sisters please be patient towards your parents especially in times like this. There have been many times where the parents have called out a person and they have been turned to bad even though the man or the woman like them. Muslimeen nowadays think about the bad parents too much where they either think their parents have the same mindset or they believe all parents have the same mindset. Now there are still many righteous and religious parents who want the best for you. Who are affected by their issues remember this is the first time your parents are living life as well behind ever abusive father is an even more abusive grandfather. Behind every Jealous and oppressive mother in law was an even more jealous and oppressing mother in law. They maybe get affected by their own people . I can’t tell you how many times I have seen my dad tear up talking about his father who once threw the hard part of a shoe at his lip because he woke up too late. My mother May Allah protect her has always comforted my father through this.
Now no doubt a father or mother can be abusive in times like this in fact there are many but we should still give them a benefit in one thing we looobat their evidences. We look at whatever they say if it is in align with Islam then listen if not then you can either give them dawah or leave that. Do what is better for your deen In Shaa Allah.
Your deen is the most important factor to you. Love your deen more than your family whatever preserves it pick that over the other. Is it permissible for a man or a woman to go against their parents in Marriage ?
Yes if the reasons are not due to matters in their deen but their aql and biases.
May Allah grant us all pious spouses and parents who will accept our deen over Aql.

Note: Taken from Introducing my first OC
PS: Largely minor changes.
(Let me know if there is any inconsistency.)
Letter R in team REPR(Reaper): Rogert "Roth" Oberon
Sex: Male
Age: 25 during the Fall of Beacon, 26 or 27 during Atlas arc.
Birthday: 18th day of the 10th month
Height: 1,87 meters
Species: Faunus, Bear. Notable markers: Bear snout.
Family: Father and mother, lost a younger sister and brother in a Grimm attack.
Class: Tank. Speciality: Defense, taking and holding ground.
Colours: Cares little for the colour rule yet the colour of the symbol is brown and uses black armour. Varied colours in the rest of the attire intended for camouflage depending on the environment.
Semblance: =Redacted under orders of Headmaster of Beacon= Authorized personnel only as follows:
Animal morphing, Roth Oberon is able to turn into a big bear and is able to remain in full control after years of practice. However, to maintain control of his semblance he needs to change into a bear once every 2 weeks for at least 2 hours to avoid permanently damaging his body. Gained the semblance in his 3rd year as a Huntsman trainee during a hunting mission. Becomes stronger, aura takes more damage and is more animalistic in animal form.
=Classified information ends=
Profession: Huntsman in training at Beacon Academy, team leader. (Former)
Vale defence forces. (Former)
Guardsman of Beacon. (Current)
Appearance: Strong arms with strong legs, broad shoulders, gold brown bear eyes, and brown hair. Bear mouth/snout. Note: Functional muscles instead for show.
Weapons:
Graduate Huntsman in Atlas arc: Two gauntlets with automatic machine guns and a sword blade coming out of them, grappling hooks on both, a spear tip and spear adjusted for his height and physique that can be split into 2 pieces. Carries dust grenades with him with empty dust slots and different dust with him.
Student to graduate Huntsman in Mistral arc: Spear, machine gun gauntlet, sword gauntlet, one-shot reloadable rocket launcher with ammo and a spear tip from a broken spear.
Strengths:

• Roth is very strong and durable allowing him to survive hits that would kill many others.
• Adaptable to changing situations and has strong willpower, keen intelligence, and a sharp mind.
• Versatile combat technique and knows how to use a variety of weapons or forms.
• His ability as a leader and calm attitude has kept his team in tip-top shape and has made them self-reliant on themselves making the team effective alone, in pairs or as a group.
• Bear´s sense of smell.
• Classified ahead: Can gain bear´s abilities because of his semblance when turning fully into a bear or just partially.

Weaknesses:

• Can be slower in a fight than most fighters even in his younger years.
• Workaholic.
• Roth´s darker impulses are closer to the surface when he is in charge.
• Great anger towards Grimm makes him hunt them with abandon or lure them in relatively easily. (Weakness in academy years, in adult years unorthodox trapping and luring method against Grimm. Double-edged sword.)

Inspiration: What I want to be. A person who could beat Hazel Rainart and Brutes from Batman Arkham Knight. Gregor Eisenhorn of Warhammer 40k. Kratos of God of war in his Nordic life.
Skills:

• Knows many melee weapon combat forms and has a lot of fist-fighting experience. After training and fighting in missions in a military unit for 3 years after graduation, he has learned to fight like a commando.
• Edit: Knows how to train dogs.
• Knows how to make new weapons from the ground up with primitive equipment and knows how to maintain them effectively and how to repair them.
• Rogert knows how to survive in the wilderness for potentially years. Building shelter, use of camouflage, hunting for food and foraging, how to lose a hunter, navigating etc. His speciality is tracking a target or missing supplies.
• Advanced stealth skills and ability to disappear enhanced by military education.
• Knows how to make grenades and bombs and how to defuse them. (Trained in the military and by Parish Broc.)
• Knows the basics of using military equipment and weapons after graduation and training in the military.
• Interrogation skills enhanced by his physical presence and knows how to gain information by talking. (And knows how to extract information by inflicting pain and suffering. Trained with some success by Elena Nathara.)
• Knows psychological warfare and guerrilla tactics. Specializes in Grimm.
• Knows criminal psychology, how to establish a crime scene and how to gather evidence. (Trained by his father and Raina Odell.)
• Knows how to administer first aid. (Basic and Huntsman academy training.)

Personality: Rogert is a loner who was given the job of a leader despite not wanting it. He became more comfortable in the role over the years yet deep down never truly believed he should be a leader.
While a humble person, Roth has no illusions of his strengths and how powerful he can be when in battle.
Roth values loyalty and honesty, things he has shown to his team by having no secrets from them and has encouraged his team to do the same with great effect. Because of his values in honesty, Rogert does not forgive attempts to lie to him and tries to limit his words to be as truthful as possible.
Roth has a ruthless attitude when it comes to leadership and dealing with enemies. As a leader, Roth expects nothing but competence and giving 100% in combination with a firm chain of command and on-the-spot obedience.
Roth is a strong believer in learning and improving skills. Because of this, Roth has learned from his teammates the skills he lacked before meeting them and has instructed them to do the same.
Desiring always to have the upper hand, he learned to keep his emotions in check at all times and focused on his studies in his free time and school time. Other people often consider him emotionless, yet no one is willing to say it in his earshot, and he doesn´t mind this thought about him.
Rogert has mastered his emotions, and he can make decisions that would make other people disgusted with themselves be it torture or cruel punishments without flinching as he got older. While his team reminds him about his better nature and while his actions have never been directed against an innocent, Rogert believes he can´t afford to hesitate to act when many lives are at stake.
His team, REPR, has helped him loosen up, and he discovered his liking for playing the saxophone and driving. His team has helped him to become a better man than he thinks he needs to be as the years went by.
Facts about the character:

• Rogert prefers to be called Roth because the name is easier to pronounce, and he prefers a shorter name.
• Rogert put the team to vote during graduation on whether they should stick together as a group. Ultimately, the team was split up, yet REPR occasionally would help each other on big operations. He voted No, yet never said why, even when asked.
• Roth´s closest relationships are with his parents, Elena and Raina, and he thinks highly of Doctor Bartholomew Oobleck due to his teaching and wisdom.
• Intended to be a counter for Elm, an Ace Operative.

Extra skills:

• Scholar: His lack of social interaction in his school years made Rogert focus more on his studies than on making friends. Due to this, he has gained a lot of knowledge and an interest in researching history and myths. Math skills and history were his best subjects, and he often likes to talk about both when asked.

Hey everyone, I am currently learning TypeScript and I came up with the idea of developing a vscode extension to practice. Its called CSS Storage and the main functionality is to save css selectors and be able to reuse them in any project. I would like to hear your feedback to improve my code, add features or anything else.
Github here and vscode extension here.
Thanks!

So I had trouble falling asleep, very nervous, nightmares. About me, I am slim, 6 feet tall, blond hair, greenish eyes
I was listening to my brown noise to help but it just wouldnt do anything for over an hour. I looked online and saw a "GF cuddles you to sleep" kind of ASMR. I didnt really think about it but thought it could be calming.
My god. I think I am more lonely and needy than I thought.
At first I was just.. laying there, enjoying it. But after a while instinct took more and more over and I started to hug my pillow as if it was her chest like she said in the video. My leg started to shake around wildly like a dogstail whenever she said she was proud of me and called me a good boy. I drooled and teared up hard, it was like my brain was melting in my skull.
Honestly, if this was a real women doing that to me I think I might break, like I genuienly think she could hardwire me to forgetting my name and becoming a complete, unironic, stupid, braindead mess.
And thats what I want. I need it bad, I am gonna be honest. All I want is to be held and just melted with love and head rubbies. Even on a call. This a genuient, none NSFW desire I have.
So if you want to break me down into a completely addicted mess for a night or so hit me up

Hey there, fellow game devs!
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As specialists in Narrative Design, Game Design, Visual Design, and Project Management, we bring a wealth of combined experience to the table. Each of us has dedicated years to honing our respective skills, fueled by a desire to transition into the realm of game development. As passionate advocates for creativity in gaming, we offer invaluable insights and guidance to developers at every stage of their projects. We want to serve as a trusted ally, ensuring that every game achieves its full potential and captivates audiences with immersive storytelling, innovative gameplay, and striking visuals.
While we're busy cooking up our own games, we're looking forward to teaming up with like-minded folks like you.
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Hi guys.
Here is my first Jailmaker template that install Emby Server directly as a jail without the need of docker.
I created this because I don't really like the idea of a docker inside of a jail ( like running docker inside docker) and I'm trying have a set up that makes sense for me.
Emby is more responsive and Intel iGPU transcoding works without any additional installs or settings.

startup=1 gpu_passthrough_intel=1 gpu_passthrough_nvidia=1 # Turning off seccomp filtering improves performance at the expense of security seccomp=1 # Add additional systemd-nspawn flags # !!!Replace XXX with your network card!!! # MODIFY BEFORE STARTTING THE JAIL FOR THE FIRST TIME systemd_nspawn_user_args=--network-macvlan=XXX --resolv-conf=bind-host --bind= '/path/to/youmedia/and/config: /media' # Specify command/script to run on the HOST before starting the jail # For example to load kernel modules and config kernel settings pre_start_hook=#!/usbin/bash set -euo pipefail echo 'PRE_START_HOOK_EXAMPLE' echo 1 > /proc/sys/net/ipv4/ip_forward modprobe br_netfilter echo 1 > /proc/sys/net/bridge/bridge-nf-call-iptables echo 1 > /proc/sys/net/bridge/bridge-nf-call-ip6tables # Specify a command/script to run on the HOST after stopping the jail post_stop_hook= # post_stop_hook=echo 'POST_STOP_HOOK_EXAMPLE' # Only used while creating the jail distro=debian release=bookworm # Specify command/script to run IN THE JAIL before the first start # Useful to install packages on top of the base rootfs # NOTE: this script will run in the host networking namespace and # ignores all systemd_nspawn_user_args such as bind mounts initial_setup=#!/usbin/bash set -euo pipefail apt-get update && apt-get -y install wget nano mkdir /home/embyserve && cd /home/embyserver wget https://github.com/MediaBrowseEmby.Releases/releases/download/4.8.6.0/emby-server-deb_4.8.6.0_amd64.deb dpkg -i emby-server-deb_4.8.6.0_amd64.deb rm -r /home/embyserver # Usually no need to change systemd_run_default_args systemd_run_default_args=--collect --property=Delegate=yes --property=RestartForceExitStatus=133 --property=SuccessExitStatus=133 --property=TasksMax=infinity --property=Type=notify --setenv=SYSTEMD_NSPAWN_LOCK=0 --property=KillMode=mixed # Usually no need to change systemd_nspawn_default_args systemd_nspawn_default_args=--bind-ro=/sys/module --boot --inaccessible=/sys/module/apparmor --quiet --keep-unit 

To install Nvidia drivers you can use this commands inside the created jail:

apt install dirmngr ca-certificates software-properties-common apt-transport-https dkms curl -y curl -fSsL https://developer.download.nvidia.com/compute/cuda/repos/debian12/x86_64/3bf863cc.pub sudo gpg --dearmor sudo tee /usshare/keyrings/nvidia-drivers.gpg > /dev/null 2>&1 echo 'deb [signed-by=/usshare/keyrings/nvidia-drivers.gpg] https://developer.download.nvidia.com/compute/cuda/repos/debian12/x86_64/ /' sudo tee /etc/apt/sources.list.d/nvidia-drivers.list apt install nvidia-driver nvidia-kernel-open-dkms cuda nvidia-smi -y 

Chapter 3:
Jason hated traveling through The Void; that unknowable space between worlds, the infinite cracks in the fabric of reality, through which divinity traveled the multiverse; the bloody place was hell on his senses. No matter how many times he was sent through it, it always felt like he was somehow falling in three different directions, and a few different dimensions, all at once. The experience had left him puking his guts out on the shoes of more than one noble lord or lady, once he finally materialized onto whatever backwater planet his current mission sent him to. It had gotten better, or at least he had gotten better at holding down his lunch, after the eighth summoning... or was it the tenth? He couldn’t quite remember at the moment.

The lack of direction was hardly the only ‘selling point’ for why The Void was such a pain to deal with. As the name implied, the space between worlds was devoid of anything and everything. He could still vaguely remember the first time he was shunted through the place; he had thought he was blind. The complete lack of light in the place made it basically impossible to tell if you had your eyes open or closed at any given moment. Hell, he still wasn’t 100% if he even HAD eyes while in this place. Heck it was not beyond possibility that the more delicate organs simply didn’t exist while transitioning, only reappearing once the traveler was spat out into the new world.

Worst of all though, had to be the utter lack of ‘stuff’ within The Void. There was something... unsettling, about “falling” through space without the feeling of air, water, dust, ANYTHING touching your skin. Ok well maybe he was being a bit hyperbolic saying “anything”, he could feel the clothes on his body. He had thought maybe it was just his imagination, his mind desperately trying to force some semblance of order onto this strange and order-less place. That thought, however, had been dispelled after... was it the fourth or fifth trip? He wasn’t sure why it took him so long to finally try it, but he had finally gotten around to trying to touch something. To no one's surprise, there was nothing to touch within this place; well, nothing other than himself. His skin, his clothes, his hair; all of it was real, the only real things in this bizarre place.

He claimed that the lack of stimuli was the biggest issue with The Void, but the more he thought about it, the less sure he was that that was really the case. Without stimuli it became increasingly difficult to measure time. Each trip was somehow an eternity that passed in an instant, while also being a moment that stretched out for what felt like an epoch. Part of him assumed it had to be a fairly short period of time spent in this place, the human mind was not exactly known to do well in utter sensory deprivation. But another part of him concluded that he must spend ungodly amounts of time stuck in this perfect darkness. Why else would he always materialize with eyes dilated and skin so pale it was like he hadn’t seen a lick of sunlight for decades?

With an unnatural suddenness, Jason’s attention snapped back to the present. He could suddenly feel air rushing against the back of his head, his clothes flapped and snapped in this abrupt hurricane force gale. Even with his eyelids tightly shut, his eyes sent wave after wave of pain crashing into his brain. Light streamed through his squinted lids. He wasn’t 100%, but experience told him that he was either smack dab in front of a raging inferno... or he had just materialized in such a way as to be staring directly at this world’s star.

...Stars?

After the initial shock of materialization wore off, Jason realized quite quickly that he was in fact falling. A hiccup, made into a proper problem by the fact that he never had gotten around to trying skydiving back on Earth, so he was not really sure how to go about righting himself. He tried spreading out his limbs, having some ambient knowledge that more surface area meant more wind resistance, which meant a (albeit small) decrease in his velocity towards the ground. It had been little more than luck, but his right arm spasmed for a moment and remained locked to his side. The sudden rise of air resistance on only half of his body, caused him to flip over, finally sparing his precious eyes from the harsh sunlight.

Cracking his eyes just the tiniest bit open, the world around him was a smudgy mess. Even with his eyes having managed to adjust to some small degree, it still hurt to have them open. An experience made all the worse by the wind buffeting his face and threatening to dry them out. He closed his eyes and blinked a few times. Fighting through the discomfort, he tried opening his eyes a little more. This time as his eyes opened, the world came into crisp view.

The sky was mostly clear, allowing him to marvel at its breathtaking orange color. A few puffy green clouds dotted the otherwise unmarred horizon. He could make out the faint outline of two small moons, barely visible in the midday light. The third moon was slightly harder to miss; he had seen his fair share of supermoons back on Earth, but they paled in comparison. This Ubermoon as he decided to call it, was clear as can be and took up a good fourth of the sky.

A stray curiosity flickered through his mind about how this world’s oceans must be affected by three moons, and what kind of effects the close proximity of the Ubermoon, would have on the tides. He decided to shelve that particular thought for now, figuring that once he was safely back on Terra Firma he could spend all the time he wished admiring the sky and moons. The ground seemed particularly enamored with him, apparently wanting to get a nice face-to-face greeting, as it rushed to meet him at what he guessed was probably about 200-300 MPH.

A part of Jason had to chuckle at how calm he was. If he had to guess, he had been falling for a good two minutes now. His previous record was a measly two to three seconds before his courage had run dry and he had cast a Slow Fall spell. As the wind continued to whip at his face, Jason decided that he had had his fun. He closed his eyes, he breathed deeply, and extended his senses outwards searching for the telltale signs of magic in this world. Immediately he could feel it in the air, he could sense it spiderwebbed across the planet in great magical Leylines. Magic was heavy upon this world, heavier than he had ever felt before. He mused that with this density of Aether, even the common folk were like as not to be proficient mages. It wouldn’t surprise him if a common farmer in this world had more aptitude for magic than a few of the high mages he’d run into during previous incarnations.

So intoxicated by the power of this world, Jason decided to try casting a spell that had evaded him in many of his past lives. Pulling the raw power into himself he spoke the word, Fly. For the briefest of moments, he felt his descent slow; felt the magical power wash over his body as it tried to fight the forces of gravity. Then he felt the searing agony as this world’s mana flowed through his body. The sudden burst of pain broke his concentration on the spell. As quickly as it started, the feeling passed, his body once more becoming as buoyant as a flesh filled lead balloon. A nearly imperceptible *ding* went off as the spell failed; sadly, Jason could not hear it over the wind screaming past his ears.

He pondered why the spell had started to work, only for him to be consumed with immense pain. Stranger still was that apparently the pain did not translate to actual damage taken. It had felt like his hands were about to burn away, but according to the logs he had taken a whooping 0 damage, fire or otherwise. “Another thing to explore once I’m safely on the ground”, he thought to himself.

Seeing as how the spell had started to work, Jason deduced that he must have just used the wrong word of power. This was not entirely surprising; he was still using the language settings from his last mission... maybe this world used different terms? He thought he remembered something similar to this happening to him way back when, if he remembered right, he thought it was referred to as ‘mana burn’. Given the limited amount of time he had for trial and error, he decided to simply cut out the middleman and use Primal. Sure, saying anything, much less casting anything, using the elder tongue took far longer, but it did have the appeal of being a universal language... Real shame the Gods hoarded the knowledge of the language's existence.

Hells he had only learned about it by sheer luck. Having caught the tail end of a conversation between two Divines, after he had mysteriously dropped dead during one of his missions. Then he had had to game the system for several incarnations to squirrel away enough credits, to buy the upgrade that let him translate and speak the blasted thing.

“Grg’Thun dilock aragos nevadool IMPERITOS. Eloom daruso igora myrousnar barumbarae“, he chanted. Again, his body felt lighter than air, and again just as fast as it started his body was racked with a searing pain. Another almost silent chirp, this one just ever so slightly louder, sounded as the spell fizzled out. Once more Jason failed to notice the background noise over the gale force howling in his ears.

Gritting his teeth through the pain, he tried to understand what was happening. He noticed that his hands were covered in blisters as if he had just grabbed a red-hot coal directly out of a firepit. He checked his stats and found everything in proper order. He still had the Divine Protections, and his life bar didn’t show a single point of fire damage, so what the hell was going on?

The spell had been perfect, but for whatever reason Jason knew that it simply hadn't had enough power to activate properly. A sickening thought flashed through his head. Yes, it was possible... the world was flush with mana, but that mana was crude; unrefined. Was it possible that since this world was so rich in crude ambient Aether, that casters had to actively purify and distill their mana before it could be used? The first hints of fear started to creep into the corners of Jason’s mind. He snuck a peak at the ground, and immediately wished he hadn’t. He could already make out the rough outlines of some kind of merchant caravan traveling between the massive trees. He knew that he didn’t have time to distill the necessary mana to try and cast the Fly spell again.

Thinking quickly, he decided that the only safe option was to use a simple Slow Fall spell. It wasn’t glorious, and the abrupt change in descent speed would feel like shit, and make him look worse upon landing, but at least there didn’t look to be too many witnesses around to see him land like a goober. Taking another deep breath, he pulled in as much ambient mana as he could from his surroundings. Working as fast as his body could, he purified and distilled the mana down. He could feel the immense power of it, as bolts of magic coursed across his skin.

He could feel that mana straining against him, singeding off the hair along his arms. He tried to ignore the pain, he just needed to last a little longer, but the process BURNED. According to every system based data point he had access to, Jason was 10,000% fine. According to what his body was telling him, his blood had been replaced with magma.

Once more he spoke the word of power. He channeled every ounce of the pure mana into the spell, willing the arcane words into existence with all his might. Mana flew from his skin, infusing the script with more power than it had any right to be able to handle. Pale blue lights began to swirl around his body, he could feel the effects of the magic taking hold. He could feel his body becoming lighter and lighter. As joy flooded his heart, he heard it. A high-pitched whine, that was getting louder and louder.

Then with a sickening *snap* he saw his spell shatter apart. The excess mana, having finally strained the arcane construct to its breaking point. As if in some twisted mockery, the spell folded back in on itself. The surge of magic rewriting and reforging the spell into something new. He felt his body return back to its normal weight, then increase. Heavier and heavier he became, his weight increasing quintuple fold. In addition to the added weight came added speed, he rocketed towards the ground, faster and faster. He didn’t even have time to curse his luck, before he hit the ground, headfirst.

As his body, gear, items.... basically, everything that was even tangentially “Jason” and/or “Jason” adjacent, were turned to a fine mist. Two separate, yet equally important things happened nearly simultaneously. First, a single, otherwise unassuming, gold coin pulsed a vibrant cerulean before shattering into countless shards. As the energy rippled outwards, time seemed to slow to a nearly imperceptible stop. This first effect was both heavily fortunate and deeply problematic for Jason. As time slowed, the core of what made Jason, Jason, was able to activate a single automated ability, [Ignore Pain]. The ability did its best to bank the entirety of the damage influx, turning the sudden burst of damage into a much more manageable damage over time effect. Sadly, as would be a running theme for Jason in the immediate future, the sheer level of incoming damage tore through the ability's limiters like a cannonball through wet tissue paper.
< l l Next>

It reminds me of a particular candidate who could soon become POTUS
"5 Behold, O ye my people, or my brethren, for I esteem you as such, I desire that ye should consider the cause which ye are called to consider—for ye are desirous to have a king. (...)
10 And now let us be wise and look forward to these things, and do that which will make for the peace of this people. (...)
16 Now I say unto you, that because all men are not just it is not expedient that ye should have a king or kings to rule over you.
17 For behold, how much iniquity doth one wicked king cause to be committed, yea, and what great destruction! (...)
21 And behold, now I say unto you, ye cannot dethrone an iniquitous king save it be through much contention, and the shedding of much blood.
22 For behold, he has his friends in iniquity, and he keepeth his guards about him; and he teareth up the laws of those who have reigned in righteousness before him; and he trampleth under his feet the commandments of God;
23 And he enacteth laws, and sendeth them forth among his people, yea, laws after the manner of his own wickedness; and whosoever doth not obey his laws he causeth to be destroyed; and whosoever doth rebel against him he will send his armies against them to war, and if he can he will destroy them; and thus an unrighteous king doth pervert the ways of all righteousness." Mosiah 29.

Hi everyone, I am writing this not necessarily because I am in search of advice but instead because I feel a real burning inside to say what I have to say about this because I do not feel comfortable at all talking about this to my immediate family or friends, and to ascertain if anyone else has similar issues. I am a cis 19M and I am having gender and sexuality related issues, but I cannot work out the cause nor appropriate response to them. All my life I have suffered severely from anxiety, not necessarily in the social sense, but just a general ongoing feeling of angst and concern that has never desisted. I also have severe mood swings, and bouts of depression, although I have never seriously felt suicidal. I feel very strongly that this is caused or confounded by some degree of autism. I have not been diagnosed, and I recognise a surge in misdiagnoses for these kinds of mental problems, but I do feel strongly about this (mainly due to very extreme repetitive behaviours and hyper-sensitivity to physical stimuli, as well as majoring in engineering related fields etc, and colour-grapheme synaesthesia). I say this as I believe it may be relevant to what I am going through.
I should also say that, despite an immense personal toll this has had on me, I have had a very positive few years in the later years of high school, both socially and academically, in a friendly and very typical cis-het group of male friends, where this kind of thing is entirely taboo. I present normally as a cis straight male to absolutely everyone in my life. However, I have faced a very distressing dilemma. In short, I enjoy secretly cross-dressing as female. The question I face is whether or not this is indicative of me being trans in someway, or whether this is a confounding issue due to other mental issues, or a kind of coping mechanism for those other issues, and whether or not any of this would undermine a transition. I should also add that, I do not plan to transition in any way in the foreseeable future for a few reasons, although I have considered it. One of them is that it would just be impossible to cling onto my previous life in any way due to the standard relationships I have with those closest to me. Although I am certain that my parents would appear accepting, I know that they would harbour deep concern inside and would resist telling me. Although I do not have a directly negative relationship with my parents, I do not have a close one either. I have lived with them for 19 years, but I do not think I have ever had a serious conversation with them about anything personal in my life at all. They are lovely people but I am just awful at opening up to them. The second reason is that I do not have gender dysphoria (probably), and would likely be fine continuing as I am. I only wish to work out whether I am in fact trans or at least gain clarity on my situation.
This being said, I do think that I have a kind of gender euphoria. I fantasise often about being the opposite sex. I yearn desperately for when I am home alone so I can cross-dress for the whole day. It is an overwhelmingly positive experience. This is not because of an immediate disgust for my body parts, but instead a real desire to just be female. I am aware of what many call autogynephilia, and I understand the problematic nature of this term, but for me it is very slightly sexual as well. Admittedly, I am slightly turned on not really by seeing myself as a woman, but instead a feeling of being “desirable”. However, this is not the whole story. When I dress female, I do not dress in a sexual way at all, and the feeling to dress up is there regardless of sex drive. I am very often not turned on in any way but still love dressing up. Basically, I would appear female every day if I could, and I am gaining a lot from it that is non-sexual. (I also don't get anything out of the whole humiliation kink thing in any way at all). This is partly because I just love doing my own makeup. I remember secretly having my makeup done by a cis female friend when I was really young, before I had any concept of sex, and it just feeling great. There is something about the attention and intimacy involved that is so comforting.
I often do feel like I would have fitted in amongst my peers if I was born female far better, merely because of the sheer disgust and inability to understand or get on with most of the males immediately around me. However, I am very conscious of the struggles that males face, since I myself of course am male, and am able to empathise strongly with such feelings and insecurities. Since I went to an all boys-school, the initial years of high school were incredibly hard and lonely for me, and I absolutely hated every minute of it. I was not bullied really at all, but I was nevertheless thoroughly miserable and felt very alone. I also have these desires more when I am lonely, and when I have a normal social interaction again I do often feel like I am giving a completely fabricated version of myself, that does however feel like a kind of reality-check. Its not obvious to me that if I was female in some sense, that my sense of outward appearance toward others would feel entirely natural, although I do think it would be more natural.
I feel like I can perpetually distract myself from these feelings in a way that is manageable, but also simultaneously wish that I was female. It seems to me like being born female would have been my ideal, then second best would be continuing to exist normally as I am now, and third best would be to transition, simply due to the stigmas and other related issues attached. Although I think I am attracted to women (although I developed lately in this regard) I cant help but think it is a kind of envy of her appearance. I am also attracted to some parts of the male body, like the chest for example, and imagine in my head often seeing men romantically, rather than sexually. I have never been in a relationship (although have had sexual relations with women in my normal life in the later and better years of high school), but I also do not want to be in a relationship with a woman really at all. But that may again be due to other confounding problems like anxiety. Basically, I am just very confused. I think that when I go to uni at the end of this year a lot of this will fade into the background, and I will be able to function as a usual cis straight male, but I am confident these feelings will never go away. Anyway, I appreciate anyone who read this far, but I would be very curious if anyone else has experienced anything remotely close to this (I also haven’t researched really into any of this stuff, and am very uninformed). Thanks.

Gf (24f) wants to pull back and get her mind clean on what she wants in life. 24F has desire to back into missionary work, also start school for surg tech and also keep our friendship/relationship. We both got out of bed relationships and pretty much "saved" each other 6 months ago. We work very well together but I don't fulfill her on a spiritual basis(she's a bit non-denominational/goes to worship and praise; I was raised Catholic but don't follow religion) we both developed a deep love and caring for each other to the point we call each "best friends" We started off as coworkers and now she has left the job to start another but the new job has been dragging feet during the hiring process. (We both work in medical; was supposed to start on 05/01 and as of 05/14 hasn't started yet.) I've showed interest in her hobbies and vise versa. We've described it as puzzle pieces that fit except just one thing: the spiritual aspect. We both cried when we first talked about this and then again when we could sit down again. She has told a couple of mutual coworkers who have asked that she wants to keep the friendship but will take some time.Communication has gone from constant to barely short worded responses. How do I get my self emotionally through this "waiting period" to know if we are going to be in each other life's. How do I make sure I don't over step and make things worse and push her away? Is the relationship over at this point?

The human brain is one of the most important organs in our body. It is the control center for our thoughts, emotions, and actions, conducting everything from basic survival functions to the highest forms of creativity. Yet, not many people know the importance of knowing and understanding how the brain works and functions, this is crucial for improving mental health, enhancing cognitive functions and addressing imbalances that may be taking place within your brain.
I found something doing research online one day, and it's called Neurofeedback Therapy. This is a powerful tool in the world of brain science. This technique allows individuals to train their brains to function more optimally. This is how it works..
Brainwave activity is monitored using sensors placed on the scaled which detect electrical patterns, providing real-time feedback on brain activity. Then with the sensors attached to the scalp the individual will receive feedback through either visual or auditorial signals. For example; if the brainwave activity moves towards a desired state, the individual might see a positive visual cue, or hear a pleasant sound. Doing this through repeated sessions, individuals can learn to regulate their brainwave patterns. This helps people with various conditions like, ADHD, anxiety, chronic pain, addiction, and several others.
The key benefit to neurofeedback therapy is being able to see and identify irregularities in brain function. These irregularities might manifest as excessive slow-wave activity, which is often associated with conditions like depression, anxiety, and ADHD.
What are your thoughts on neurofeedback therapy?

Okay, hope this helps one or three people.
I have been struggling for YEARS. Now, I’ve made a LOT of progress in this time. My life is WAY better. But, I still struggle in ways I KNOW are unnecessary.
Having been a long time student of philosophy, Eastern religion, mysticism (though I’m a skeptical atheist, there are babies in the bath water) psychology, pop-psychology, self help, healing modalities etc etc. literally several hundred books.
I was asking myself “what’s going on? Why do I have ALL the answers and yet, here I am, still struggling.” I was extraordinarily intent on getting “the” answer.
I did a low-ish dose of mushrooms and went to the park and was just intently asking this question over and over.
Then it hit me. It’s SO fucking simple. I share the insight in hopes that a couple people will “get it” and be able to escape the apparent trap that resembles what I am in. I saw it all at once, but have to share it in a few “facts”.
Warning: this is not pleasant. I couldn’t believe I “wasted” over half a lifetime ignoring these things, when they are SO obvious.
Facts:

1. The universe/reality doesn’t care. It doesn’t know you exist. It is just being as it is. Full stop.

This means it’s not “on your side” it’s not “against you” it’s just there being. When acted upon, it will react according to its nature, every fucking time. The universe is NOT a “problem” and it’s not an “opportunity” it JUST IS.

1. There isn’t an option that doesn’t exist for you. There are myriad options for you. And all of them exist.

Now you might say “but, if I had a million dollars to start a business, I could succeed”. But, if you don’t have the million, then this isn’t an option, by definition. It simply isn’t. It doesn’t exist. Thus, each apparent option that you don’t have is simply a thought, an idea, a DENIAL OF FACT ONE.
When you don’t want to acknowledge fact one, you create thoughts about non-existent options. You create a world that doesn’t exist as an escape mechanism from the ruthless fact above.
If an option exists, it does. If it doesn’t, it exists as mere thought. Period.

1. For each extant option there are things you can do to bring it about. If there isn’t something you can do to make it real, it isn’t an option.

Formulating “if I could only _. Then I could have __” is an avoidance mechanism of the above fact, fact 2.
If you don’t know what to do, the action is to find out. This is, of course, an action.
If there isn’t anything you can do about it, it is NOT an option for you. Really.
(Warning, it’s about to get real, you will be triggered)

1. Each action has an emotional price tag. There is a way you will feel when you take the action. Often, it won’t be a feeling you want to feel.

You may see that you should “call X and ask Y” and immediately you feel trepidation. The feeling is the price tag for the action that will bring about the desired condition.
It is the emotion unwillingness to experience this feeling that prevents you from acting. Full stop.
When you decide not to act, because you don’t want to feel the way you will feel, this is an avoidance and denial mechanism of the above fact, fact 3.

1. Unwillingness to pay the emotional price is the cause of confusion and delusion.

There is a simplicity to this “I want X, I must therefore do Y and I will feel Z”. But when you are unwilling to pay the emotional price, you try to concoct ways around feeing Z. These are increasingly indirect and convoluted.
This, you guessed it, is the denial of fact 4.
It is so painfully simple, do the thing, have the condition. Don’t, and you won’t.

1. Whatever you do, you become, instantly. If you want to be a “runner” you must simply run. If you want to be a painter, you must paint.

Whatever you want to “be” you must do. Example: want to be “brave” you must do the thing you fear. You don’t have to “get rid of the fear” first, in fact, if you did that successfully and then took the same action, you would NOT be brave.
There are a myriad intentions and motives within you, the ones you act on determines what you are. If you act on the faint call to be kind, you are a kind person.
Not acting on the thing you want, is a denial of the above fact, fact 5.

1. Any thought or action, repeated, get easier (relative to conditions) and repeated often enough it will be easier to do it than to not. This is what a “habit” is.

So, if you want to be a runner, you must run. And, it will be “hard” which is to say there will be a high initial price tag. This price will lower each time the process is repeated. Eventually the emotional price for running will be less then that of not running. Now, you will “identify” as a runner, or painter, singer etc.
The dark side of this is that the fact is neutral. So, if you repeat avoidance and denial as outlined above, this will be how you see yourself, and this will be your life. This IS YOUR LIFE. (if you struggle as I have.)
This is both the source and the result of the denial of the fact above.

1. One of the primary drives of a human is to be “self consistent”. This is a force that will operate to change your view of reality, so that you don’t feel the discomfort of “being wrong”

So, when you start to “see yourself” as a runner it creates a desire to run, so that you won’t feel the “pain” of self inconsistency. Of course, if you forego the the same force will work to make you avoid running.
This is why you are the person you are, the good aspects and the bad. It’s an impersonal fact of being human. It’s the “hardware” you have. However you show up in the world is the “software”.
The failure to be the person you want to be is the denial of fact 7, repeated.

1. You are going to die. Sorry to be the one to tell you, but at some point which you may infuence but not decide, this will be all over and the reality you perceive will no longer exist. Others will be left, themselves waiting to die.

What you do between now that moment IS YOUR LIFE. Your ONE AND ONLY LIFE.
You are alive now and you have many options. FAR more than you could ever become aware of. What you do about the above facts regarding the condition of your life is your life. What you have done prior to this moment is only information stored in your mind.
This is urgent.
The denial of this fact underlies the denial of all the others. If you felt the actual urgency, you would pick an option appealing to you and act.

1. The process of applying the above facts is truly LIVING rather than waiting to die.

Think about the times you have really felt alive. See that you were in alignment with the above facts. Think of the good parts of life, this is why they are good.
Likewise the aspects of your life that suck, you will find the above delusions at play. And the lows in your life will be times you were mired in the delusions.
I’m sure most people are trying to find the exceptions, which may indeed exist. You can do everything right and get hit by a bus. (Bonus fact)
Still, I would propose to you that the reason you are seeking the exceptions in the first place is to be “self consistent” and to not feel as you would were you to acknowledge them.
The search for the exceptions IS YOUR DELUSION at work.
I know this is harsh, but it’s meant with love. Really. You have ti accept your human-ness and let go the mistakes up til now. Forgive yourself. Be willing to pay the emotional price and if you feel sad, or like me, angry at yourself this is simply you paying the emotional price, in real time. You’re doing the right thing!
Now what? That’s for you to decide. Decide what you want and pick an action you are currently willing to pay the price for and. DO IT. Repeat.
If you don’t know what you want, then the first action is to make a decision.
Figure out what you want, find an action you can do and are willing to pay the price for an do it. Repeat. This is ALWAYS the answer.
This is truly living instead of waiting to die.
I hope someone that reads this decides to live!
Oh, and be patient with yourself. It takes as long as it takes and you don’t get to decide this. All you get to decide is whether or not you will truly LIVE while you’re alive.
Love you all, I swear.

Sorry guys. Long read ahead.
Still in my heart, it’s hard for me not to be sentimental and still pour my heart out and call her the most beautiful person ever. but I know that at the end of the day, we are both just normal people trying to balance our reasons to both leave and stay with each other. For context, I broke up with her right before our 6 month anniversary right after my birthday. The challenges of becoming long distance did not add to the list of underlying problems between us. Honestly, I tried to break up at 5 months, because I knew my birthday was coming up and didn’t want to lead her on or blindside her. But despite my intentions and attempt, she pleaded with me to hold on and stay until she visited me and I gave in and stayed that extra month knowing better.
The relationship ultimately failed because we no longer reached the point of compromise, and it is both our faults the relationship failed. I will try my best not to villainize the person I used to love on the internet, but in short, to me she needed reassurance in a way that placed a strain on my security in us and it strained our relationship. She told me that when we started dating that she did have some anger issues and was still haunted by some problems in her first relationship. Honestly, a lot of things that happened what a lot of people considered red flags and things they wouldn’t let any friend do to them. But I wasn’t perfect either and I never had the heart to tell her what she was doing was hurting me until it was too late, and I enabled and pulled myself apart trying to give her the reassurance she wanted until it was too much and thought I could ofc change her . Eventually, one night I got so hurt after giving my all, and I broke down. She had only ever apologized to me after hurting me so much, and she promised to never treat me like that again. But people are hard to change, and the same issues kept happening and I could feel myself losing hope in both her and us. It was eating me alive, and I knew I had to be the one to walk away, because she told me she could never walk away from someone she loves. It hurt even more knowing that I was main person she depended on the most since moving, but I knew it was an insult to her to become the great person she’s meant to be if I didn’t believe she could find herself and new friends and continued to stay because of that. Despite her attempts to say we should just take a 1 month break, we both have talked that if we ever got to the point where we considered a break, we should just call it. It ended up with me hanging up on her for taking my feelings and desire to break up seriously. The following morning we texted and agreed that our doors are closed for now and Scott Street’d each other.
But despite all the relationship advice and reddit posts that say its NC no matter what and that they aren’t thinking of you, I had always planned to reach back out to her in a month of NC after finishing my classes and figuring my feelings out more first. In my situation, I still feel like it is right to communicate after a bit of time rather than pretend that we never happened. I never expected it to be her because I was the one who broke up. It wasn’t easy. To many of you wondering if the dumper ever thinks of you, I placed away a lot of the stuff she gave me for my birthday, but I still can’t put away the picture frame she made with pictures of us. I put all our pictures in a hidden album but I will still look through them at night. I binged watched countless sad poetry tiktoks. I got sad seeing her contact name that I couldn’t change slowly move down under other names. I listen to all our songs, cried so many times and thought of her almost constantly for the first two weeks especially. I still typed but never send good night messages to her at the usual time we talked at night, and hoped to see she was typing too. I would play the mobile game she introduced to me and I played more hoping to catch her on there. I never saw her. The first week was especially rough. I wanted to share so many achievements and events with her during the month, but I kept strong when in truth I would throw all of my dignity to take her back if she asked within the first two weeks. Even though she was a burning house, she felt like home to me.
I had planned several conditions prior in breaking NC: First, I would ultimately respect her response, whether it is an answer or no answer. She doesn’t owe me anything. Second, I had to first work on myself and only contact her after I finished up the school semester and start finding myself again. Third, I can only contact her when I am relatively secure in my breakup decision and not in a state where I was missing her more than usual. Fourth, I would write out and remind myself why we broke up and avoid getting sentimental and reminiscing to avoid getting my heart swayed like always in both respect of my decision and her sake. I will ask her if there’s anything she would like return to me and just have one last talk between the both of us if there are any unspoken words left to be said. This is especially important because my heart is fickle and I was the one who threw it away, and I respect her too much to expect her to take me back and have respect for myself to not go back on my decision. Lastly, this is where is it especially selfish of me. Even though it was an unconditional gift, I still wanted to pay her back with a birthday present early. Even though I know it is breadcrumbing, I selfishly want to give a gift to her, but I don’t want to do it in August rather than we are months into moving on. I’ll talk to her about it, and see how she feels about it before I decide to rip this band aid off. If she doesn’t want it, I won’t bother.
Here is how it went. I texted her if she comfortable enough to talk first of all. 10 minutes later, she responded about what and I basically explained that I wanted communicate after sometime and see if there’s anything left to be said between us and apologize for the night I hung up on her. She said she was never mad about me hanging up and we agreed to talk the following night. We exchange awkward “how have you been” and I explain that I wanted to talk about our feelings and thoughts in the past month. I was honestly in my heart, I still have a lot of attachment for her and was trying my best to run back into that burning house, but in my head I know that we could only start again as strangers and that 1 month is not enough time for us to both change as people. She said she wants us to meet again by chance but I said I don’t us to wait on each other to grow, and that we both don’t chance to make us work and that if we wanted it to work, we would make it work. She agreed. We caught up on things that happened and left off on. I told her about getting an A+ in my class, and she told me about the dance classes she started going to. It honestly felt like we picked up where we left off but without the certain words like “baby” and the L-word. We talk about the concerts we had planned. She told me that she didn’t have any hate for me at all and doesn’t blame me for hating her. I told her that I could never hate her even though she did hurt me. I apologize that I wasn’t strong enough and apologize for all the pain I did too. We talked about the clothing hauls we just had and we laughed at myself for my latest haircut that I didn’t like and I knew she wouldn’t like either. I told her that I know her enough that she doesn’t want someone who is scared to love her, and she agreed. We caught up about work, and she told me that she is fully remote now, and I laughed and countered that I get 2 hours off early on Friday at my in-person job because it’s Employee Appreciation month. I told her I’ve been reading the book she gave me for my birthday, but it is laughably stereotypically Asian even though it’s a good read. I told her I put away most of her stuff in the closest and she did too. She said I should take down the picture frame she made because she could tell I was still looking at it through Facetime. She told me she found a letter I wrote and she cried reading it and I told her I did the same. I told her I haven’t even touched the crochet kit I bought and she told me she returned hers after failing to make a loop. I told her that I wouldn’t have changed and a thing and she said she wouldn’t either. We ended up getting sentimental and reminiscing. We laughed at the coping we had both done like stalking each other’s Linkedin and Spotify despite unfollowing each other on social media. She uploaded our pictures on Google Drive and deleted our messages but restored them once she realized she could redownload them. She told me she deleted the phone game she showed me because she didn’t have a reason to play it again. I asked her if this is the last time and she said maybe. I told her that I wouldn’t change a thing and she said she wouldn’t either. She just wished we started off as friends longer. We cried, laughed and talked for 4 hours. It was getting late. We both were afraid of falling asleep together on call again. It felt like we were both waiting for the other to say it what was both on our minds and hoping the other felt the same, but it felt like it would be so easy to light it back up, but we both knew better than to rush back in. I told her that I wasn’t feeling strong anymore and to also not take me back if my heart folds. She said she wouldn’t. I told her that we should hang up but I say I honestly don’t know if I can and she said she’ll end the call at 3 on her side. We both say we miss each other and she hangs up.
Do I regret it or like it interrupted my healing? Not really. Last night was bittersweet. She still the same person I loved and that’s the most tragic problem. I told her that we shouldn’t wait for each other, but I lied and do truly do hope we meet again by chance again. I know this feeling might change with time, but for now, I do still care for her and I still wish the best for her and I know she will become a great person. I know I’m still holding on, but I am glad we talked and can continue on being the best person I can be. I do feel like there will always be a part of me that will grieve losing her love and being the person who walked away. I still do worry about her but I know she’ll be ok.

This isn’t a question as it is an elaborate answer. I’ve been looking for answers pertaining to this question for a while now and since I made a YouTube video essay on it, I can finally share my own answer to this question. (If ur interested the video is titled “is ascended Astarion Cazador 2.0?” - KOOLPLUG)
Note: the following essay is copy pasted from the video script so it’s got a few fillers in it.
INTRODUCTION This videoessay evaluates the arguments posed in the debate between whether Astarion is "Cazador 2.0" or not. The phrasing, "Cazador 2.0" originates from a conversation at camp between Astarion and the player after his Ascension. This essay will question the validity of that phrase in light of Astarion's character, Cazador's rules and even Cazador's master- Vellioth's lessons. (as of current update x).
THE CYCLE OF ABUSE Before trying to draw parallels and contrasts between ascendant Astarion and Cazador, it is important to understand why the term "Cazador 2.0" is mentioned in a dialogue choice to begin with. The reason for this, is that an important theme in Astarion's story is the cycle of abuse and its perpetuation. This is hinted to the players by the existence of not just Cazador being abusive towards Astarion, but the existence of Cazador's abusive master- Vellioth, that players can learn about by exploring Cazador's mansion. Furthermore, the existence of this theme is explicitly made clear in the story when Astarion, choosing not to ascend, admits that the player saw it in him to end the "cycle of abuse" that had perpetuated for centuries. Being able to use the term "cazador 2.0" after Astarion's ascension, proves that the cycle has not been broken and might continue to exist through him. Some dialogues within the game even suggest that the spawn player becomes to Astarion, what Astarion was to Cazador. Also, it should be noted that the dialogue options in Baldur’s Gate serve a few purposes. firstly that dialogue options in Baldur's Gate 3 aim to emulate the freedom and flexibility of playing traditional Dungeons & Dragons (D&D) tabletop sessions, where players interact with a Dungeon Master (DM) who responds dynamically to their actions and dialogue choices. This diversity in dialogue options, ranging from calculated responses to unhinged ones, serves the purpose of recreating the immersive experience of D&D gameplay, where players feel empowered to shape the narrative and express themselves within the game world. At the same time, another purpose of the dialogue options within the game is to serve as a tool for story-telling on it’s own. It is this purpose that helps us understand the world of Baldur’s gate 3 better and one that most of the inferences in this video are based on. and to provide a better background, the rules being discussed in this video are rules of vampiric existence mentioned during different parts of the gameplay. Vellioths rules are exposed when exploring cazadors palace and cazadors rules are explained during a dream Astarion has in his origin run.
VELLIOTH'S LESSONS Before we move onto Cazador's rules it is important to look at Vellioth's lessons. This is because a dialogue by Astarion suggests that Cazador copied and derived his rules from his master- Vellioth's. ("He stole everything. Even his precious rules.")
Vellioth's first lesson is to always to dominate. and allow none to be your equal: This is a rule that leads Cazador to treat those around him as inferior. In the case of Astarion, Cazador belittles and demeans him by calling him his pet, imperfect, and a weak, pathetic boy who never amounted to anything. Similary, ascended Astarion tries to assert control over the romanced player and doesn't allow them to be his equal. While Astarion hasn't been outright demeaning and even calls the player flowery terms like beautiful and perfect, an insight check reveals that Astarion thinks that the player is degrading themself by staying with him. A contrast to this is spawn Astarion who after choosing not to ascend says that he sees the player as his equal (spawn becomes an equal and share his future with you). Similarly when Cazador once broke this rule of Vellioth's and confided in a friend, he was forced to watch Vellioth drain his friend dry. (this stroke of luck that gave Astarion a chance Cazador didn't have will be discussed in yet another video.) Vellioth's second lesson is that power comes from solitude. to share with others is to be weak, fail and die: This once again ties in with treating others as inferiors. Furthermore, the players are told that Cazador had once rebelled against this rule which led him to be impaled for 11 years. This is akin to Astarion being buried alive for a year. I imagine Cazador thinks he went easy on Astarion by not impaling him for 11 whole years…It can be inferred that this as well as previous horrific experiences makes Cazador lean towards loneliness and isolation (cazador in his coffin: "these deathless dreams hold memories of a mortal life once-forgotten. of the boy I was, the man I became, the monster that will not end. I sleep but cannot rest. I live, but cannot die. I am eternal and I grieve. consummatum est- ego cecidi"). Huh, so someone as cold hearted as Cazador once had dreams and a friend he could confide in. It’s almost as if monsters are born from the choices we make. A parallel with Astarion here occurs after breaking up with his ascended version. At the epilogue party he admits that he too is lonely in the crimson palace, but he is sure that he is not as lonely as his former lover. The third and final lesson is to act not in haste. and that a near immortal has time to plan time to act only when others will pay the price of action. The players are then told about how during the rite of perfect slaughter Cazador killed Vellioth and proceeded to take everything he owned from him. Similarly when Astarion ascends, he kills Cazador in the rite of profane ascension and goes on to steal the castle and Cazador's status for himself. (I was amused by this cycle of failed vampires and wrote a fanfic based on this) This is in contrast to spawn Astarion who burns the crimson palace down in a particular ending. In a nutshell Ascended Astarion has applied each of vellioth’s lessons and may as well be considered Vellioth 3.0. By the way, if ur enjoying the video then consider liking and subscribing for more videos like these.
CAZADOR'S RULES Before we move onto each of Cazador's rules I find it imperative to first explain that Astarion may not superficially seem like Cazador in the following rules.This is because Astarion employs them in a different manner. Also, the parallels do start treading into a gray area when considering the some of the rules. Cazador rules:
the first is, thou shalt not drink the blood of thinking creatures for which I couldn't find a parallel yet. So we will have to count this rule as an exception. the second rule says that thou shalt obey me in all things. Astarion follows this rule when the spawn player asks whether he can compel them. He dodges the question instead by saying (why would I need to? you're going to be wonderfully obedient.) Some people miss this details as a comparison because they attribute the dialogue to his playfulness or love. This misconception occurs because Astarion isn't as blunt as Cazador. Instead he uses flowery words and presents these rules not as commands, but as the player's own choice through a layer of romantic implications. He knows how to subtly get what he wants from the player because manipulation and flattery are his skills. He even employs this tactic by using terms like "consort" (vampire bride) instead of "spawn" when the player asks him what will happen to them. This is not to say that ascended Astarion doesn't love the player. Quite the contrary. both versions of Astarion love the player in their own unique ways in accordance with their character development. Ascended Astarion mostly just has his walls guarded and puts up an (performance of x character from movie) air of confidence while spawn Astarion is more vulnerable and silly. The third rule states, thou shalt not leave my side unless directed. Once again, Astarion subtly suggests this rule by saying (just dont stray too far, but you'd never dream of doing that. would u?) framing it like a choice instead of an order. However there is an exception to this rule in one of the endings where the player romances ascended Astarion and he allows them to go to Avernus with Karlach. So this makes it hard to say how serious he is about enforcing these specific rules. the final rule states thou shalt know that thou art mine which easily enough draws a parallel to ascended Astarion's possessive dialogues. (keep you all to myself)"you are mine forever" (same way that Astarion tells tav: thats what you want isnt it? to be mine forever) So in terms of cazador’s rules, 2 out of 4 seamlessly apply to ascended Astarion. It’s possible Astarion’s approach to vampirism, combining both cazadors and Vellioths rules suggests his own rules of vampiric existence. OTHER SIMILARITIES Apart from the lessons and rules, there are other similarities between Astarion and Cazador exemplified in the following clips: "own your body, kill your mind." (my mind was dulled in the bedouirs: after ascension)
They both once were kinder, eg cazador and his friend, astarion and sebastian.
Cazador calls Astarion ungrateful in the crypt and Astarion calls Tav ungrateful when they ask for freedom.
Both are power hungry. Blinded by power (Astarion says that he was almost blinded by it like Cazador)
The strongest indicator of ascended Astarion being like cazador lies in his intention to follow in Cazador's footsteps. He intends to be like Cazador whether he realizes it or not. In a dialogue that draws a comparison between him and Cazador, Astarion says that he is so much better than Cazador was. Specifically because he “achieved what Cazador only dreamed about.” (And now my ambitions can take me anywhere I want.) Astarion’s understanding of being "better" than Cazador is merely surpassing him in his own game. He is not "better" in terms of what debauchery Cazador may have committed because its very clear Ascended Astarion intends to commit the very same or similar deeds if not with his own flourish. (Scene where Astarion talks about the disappearances etc during epilogue party)
CONCLUSION Based on the abundant evidence it isn’t a stretch to call Astarion Cazador 2.0, Vellioth 3.0 or another abusive vampire lord 8.0. In fact, it aligns well with the main concept of the cycle of abuse in Astarion’s story. Yes there are a few gray areas with the rules and Astarion is not exactly like Cazador but the story shows us that neither was Cazador exactly like Vellioth. Yet they all succumbed to the decision that to stop being abused they needed to become the abuser. That the fear ingrained in them was their only reality for it was all they had known for so long. And eventually they traded an endless hunger that consumed blood with a hunger for power that would soon consume them. If u liked this video then do subscribe and like to promote it within the YouTube algorithm. And comment what u think about it. Do u think Ascended Astarion is Cazador 2.0? does the romanced player somehow change this equation or make it worse? Share your thoughts below.