Day 1 A news report breaks in [REDACTED] New York about a man waking up the previous morning, and attempting to turn on his TV to watch the latest episode of his favourite show, only for his remote to crumble in his hand. Confused as to what was going on, the man would attempt to manually turn on his TV, only to accidentally pull a chunk of it off. It was at this moment, that the man would discover that his TV had been replaced with a hyper-realistic cake. The man would question his wife about where the TV went, and why there was a hyper-realistic cake in its place. However, his wife was just as confused as he was about the entire situation at hand. The man would attempt to report this to his local authorities, claiming his TV had been stolen and replaced with a hyper-realistic cake. Only to be laughed off as a prankster due to his ridiculous claim. Angry at this, he would take his story to the local news station hoping for justice to be served to whoever stole his TV. Once again, his claims were laughed off and published as a mere joke. The man would claim that there would be more cases of people’s items being replaced with hyper-realistic cakes going forward and that they would all regret ignoring his case.
Day 29 Police reports coming from all over [REDACTED] New York would reveal the man’s words to be correct. Starting after a young woman would attempt to open her purse, only for the zip to completely come off upon being pulled and quickly break apart, taking some of the modelling chocolate with it. Soon people would begin reporting all over the area that their items had been completely replaced with cake. Phones, laptops, bags, earrings, necklaces, rings and even stacks of cash were discovered to have been replaced with hyper-realistic cakes. Local authorities, having now clearly learned that this was no prank, are looking into the cases to try and track down these valuable items. However, one thing these cases all have in common (aside from the cakes being delicious) is the complete lack of evidence pointing to any suspects. No DNA evidence, no signs of forced entry, and no people in the area at the time. Nobody is even sure when these items were replaced with cakes. They all say they could've sworn they were real a second ago, only to suddenly be cake. Almost as if there was no thief and they had just suddenly turned into cake. Authorities are still on the hunt for a possible suspect in this case, even though the wider New York authorities laugh at them for humouring these absurd claims.
Day 47 The situation has escalated much further than anyone could've possibly anticipated. Now the reports of items being replaced with hyper-realistic cake have rapidly expanded to the rest of New York. Hundreds of people are reporting that their valuable items are being discovered to be hyper-realistic cakes. A man would take his phone out of his pocket to check if he'd received any important emails, only for his phone to crumble into pieces of cake in his hand. A woman would attempt to cash in a check of $100,000 to a bank, only for the modelling chocolate on the check to smash into several pieces when placed down on the counter. A couple would attempt to hurry their kids into the car, worrying they may be late for school. Only for the car to fall apart right in front of them, as the door is pulled off and falls to the ground. People are getting scared, they're worrying that at any moment, any of their prized possessions could end up being a hyper-realistic cake. Nobody is sure what is real and what is cake anymore, so they've taken to trying to cut anything they own, hoping to weed out the cake from the non-cake. Many have ended up accidentally destroying many of the things they own in the process of doing this. But those who still have their stuff have taken to putting stickers on them to ensure they know they're real. That was until an edible sticker was found to be on the back of a hyper-realistic cake emulating a mobile phone. Now, people’s only option is to place all their valued possessions into safes, covered in locks with an 87-number code that not even they know. The governor of New York has commented on the situation claiming that he's doing all he can to try and solve the hyper-realistic cake mystery, but he can only do so much to calm the fear and paranoia that has overcome New York.
Day 93 The situation has dramatically escalated even further somehow, as the hyper-realistic cake plague has now begun heavily affecting the nearby states of Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut and even some parts of Canada. Reports are coming in from all over the USA and even some of Mexico and South America of people’s items suddenly being replaced with ominous (albeit, tasty) hyper-realistic cakes. The president is doing nothing to quell the fear of US citizens, claiming the whole situation is ridiculous and that everyone is a fool for buying into it. People are starting to riot in the streets believing the president is not doing enough to try and prevent the appearance of hyper-realistic cakes. Many other countries are beginning to consider closing off all travel to the USA out of fear, and some like Germany even going through with it. The safes people were using to hold their valuable items are no longer safe. Many have been discovered to have been replaced with hyper-realistic cakes, leading to even greater fear and paranoia among citizens. And the worst thing of all. The police officer who was in charge of the case in [REDACTED] New York was discovered by his wife the previous night to have been replaced with an identical hyperrealistic cake. There is no evidence of where he may have gone, and there is no evidence pointing to who might've taken him. He has seemingly disappeared without a trace.
Day 149 As fear was reaching its limits, a spark of hope managed to emerge. Tension has been rising as countries all over the world have been receiving reports of people disappearing, and being replaced with hyper-realistic cakes. Even including those that shut off travel to the USA. The president has continued to display pure apathy to the situation, claiming the whole thing to be a farce, until he discovered one morning his wife had been turned into a hyper-realistic cake. Outraged at this, he demanded the perpetrator be immediately found and caught. He banned the selling of any ingredients that could be used to make a hyper-realistic cake, including flour, sugar, eggs, butter, baking powder, chocolate, honey, macaroni and cheese (he does not know how to make a cake, and decided it was better safe than sorry). But even then, hyper-realistic cakes continued to appear. Now even houses and everything in them were getting replaced with giant hyper-realistic cakes, twice the size of an average human being. The president was getting desperate now and was willing to do anything to catch the man responsible for this. So he had cameras set up on every street in every city in every state across the entire USA. And he had every cop working 24/7 on the sight of each camera making sure nothing was replaced with a hyper-realistic cake, and if they were to see hyper-realistic cake-related activities, they were to press a button, sounding the alarm. Yesterday, after weeks and weeks of nothing. An extremely tired officer managed to catch a woman attempting to replace a baby with a hyper-realistic cake. The woman, upon being caught, would quickly admit she was behind the hyper-realistic cake shenanigans. She was immediately brought to Washington DC where the president would proceed to scream and cry at her for hours before demanding she be placed in a holding cell so she could be questioned the following day. This was quickly announced by White House officials and the world began celebrating, praising the president as a hero who was able to end the hyper-realistic cake plague. The joyful people of the world are currently awaiting a word from the US president on who this mysterious woman is, what her motives are and where she’s keeping all these missing people.
Day 180 To the horror of everyone around the globe, the following morning, all hope was lost and all dreams were dashed. The woman taken captive last night was found to have been replaced with a hyper-realistic cake, just as everyone was. The president demanded a search for any evidence indicating how she could've escaped, but they were unable to find anything. Even the cameras meant to keep track of the woman had mysteriously failed to capture anything the previous night. This was the breaking point for the president, and as a result of this, he'd soon become wrapped up in an extremely insane conspiracy. He'd soon begin to believe the cake was a being that was more powerful than any of them, and that it needed to be eradicated at all costs. The presidents would proceed to declare Marshall law and cut off all transport to other countries. People, seeing exactly what was going to happen, attempted to escape the country by piloting the planes and boats themselves. Only to discover the planes and boats were all hyper-realistic cakes, that were unable to fly and would easily sink in water. The president would also declare that all cake is to be thoroughly burned, and anyone believed to be a cake is to be executed on sight, preferably by being cut with a blade. The president would have all secret service agents executed, claiming that they were conspiring with the cake and aided the woman in escaping custody. But even if this wasn't enough for the president, soon he’d begin believing that other countries were made of cake too and declared that any countries believed to be “cake countries” would be bombed off the map. Starting with Mexico, he sent wave after wave of bombs to the country until he was sure anyone inside was dead. He'd soon turn his attention to Germany, believing that it was also a “cake country” due to them previously closing off transportation from the USA there. Soon, Germany was no more, and the president would celebrate that he had destroyed another “cake country”. It seemed like to the president, that every country except the USA was a cake country, and no amount of bombing he did would change that. Everyone knew the sheer amount of bombs he was using was going to destroy the planet, but he didn't care. But just as quickly as this began, it ended. Yesterday, a large angry mob stormed the White House. The president would attempt to bomb the mob, only to discover the bomb launchpad had been replaced with cake. The mob quickly overpowered anyone left supporting the president with sheer numbers, and they swiftly beat the president to death in a manner too disturbing to even attempt to describe. Blood was everywhere, but they didn't care anymore, the dictator was dead.
Day 294 Shortly after the president's death, the USA descended into chaos. People were still being replaced with cake, and nobody had any way to contact people outside the USA, as every single phone was seemingly now a hyper-realistic cake. Many don't even believe there's anyone left out there, and that they were all killed by the president. People quickly began to believe the president was right, and that all the other countries were now just cake. But they took it one step further, they now began to ponder if the entire globe itself was just one giant cake. People began getting so scared of others being cake, that they would attempt to cut anyone they meet just to see if they were cake. There is no food left now besides hyper-realistic cakes, and many are so scared of them that they refuse to even go near them, let alone attempt to eat them. Many are dying from starvation, and those willing to eat the cakes are usually branded as “cake people” and killed on sight. There's still no sign of the people who went missing and were replaced with hyper-realistic cakes. Many believe they just vanished from reality itself or that they were taken by the cake. Some people have begun to worship the cake as a god and make sacrifices to it believing it'll bring their loved ones back. Reality is crumbling, society has fallen apart and it won’t be long until humanity is gone.
Day 334 Not even a year following the first-ever incident, the last human being on earth has died today. Alone, cold and afraid. There is nothing left. No trees, no grass, no water, no animals, no humans, nothing. The only thing that remains now is the hyper-realistic cakes. And that, is the story, of how I destroyed humanity with FUCKING CAKES! I guess in the end you could say… it was real.

My parent A is seeking ordination and will be divorcing parent B. A is a devote Buddhist for many years, a monastery has accepted her application.
Parent B is being POS insisting on returning from overseas to their matrimonial home and not staying away before A ordinates. I told B about A plans but B refuses and still wants to talk (maybe to me). They do not have a good relationship for many years. B behaves like a huge infant and leeches on food and house hold chores done by A. B has always been an emotional unavailable parent throughout my childhood, doesn’t even provide financially.
As you can tell, I do not get along with B too. I kinda tried to maintain a fake happy family image in the past but I realised B is entitled and would always put his friends above family so I stopped trying since last year. I will try to be amicable to B upon he returns but I would not go all out to be close to him. I will also be moving out very soon. As much as I like, I can’t go NC but I will minimise contact.
I am engaging a lawyer to commence divorce proceedings. Unfortunately I have to do this on behalf of A because of the language barrier.
Forum people, please help me and give me advise:
1) how to tolerate staying with B for at least 2 more months. For A & myself. The last time we tried, we got out of the house at 5am and returned after 9pm daily. We kept ourselves shut in our room most of the time. We do not have another place to stay for 2 months. Hotels for long stays are expensive, the most we could do are short getaways. 2) how to tell B on the terms and conditions of the divorce - A would like half of the matrimonial house as She paid for it and did most of the work and finances for the house. 3) how to serve divorce papers to someone who stays under one roof safely. Not that B is abusive but I m just worried. 4) how to amicably tell B to proceed to divorce asap. - I have to do this because A does not wish to speak to B. B talks way too well and can gaslight. He even gaslight me… 5) any other tips and advice.
Thank you

https://www.bing.com/images/create/realistic-overhead-view-of-young-skinny-short-whit/1-66569467b7544bc1bd31c749cbe713b4?id=XbgBPHWFTekXPXuB%2fwY4SQ%3d%3d&view=detailv2&idpp=genimg&thId=OIG1.OFaWTDpX3KVU9EMdZVSC&darkschemeovr=1&FORM=GCRIDP&PC=SANSAAND&mode=overlay

My Dynaudio audio keeps ?Muting? at random, sometimes constant and sometimes every few seconds. Volume level does not matter, source does not matter. I cannot figure this out for the life of me. Even with Stock Radio this happens.
I've inspected the amps electronics and everything seems fine, nothing blown. I've replaced every single internal and external Fuse (Prev owner did not maintain the vehicle well) but not the relays, New battery (Costco H6 AGM), Tried every radio configuration settings on the Android head unit (built in amp on and off). I ordered a replacement BCM off ebay today in hopes that its just dying because of other faults I've seen (image below)
does anyone have any idea what could cause this and how I may be able to fix it? I have OBDEleven Pro if that helps.
Please help :(
2012 GTI MK6 Autobahn w/ 8 channel Dynaudio
Video: https://youtube.com/shorts/B8b4Iy7OZdk?feature=share

OBDeleven vehicle history log Date: 2024-05-28 22:04:52 VIN: WVWFD7AJ6CW325171 Car: Volkswagen Year: 2012 Body type: D3 Hatchback Engine: CBFA kW ( hp) l Mileage: 237570 km --------------------------------------------------------------- 09 Central Electrics System description: BCM PQ35 M Software number: 1K0937086P Software version: 0651 Hardware number: 1K0937086P Hardware version: 110 Faults: 00461 - Frt. pass. memory seat control module static priority - 6 frequencyCounter - 1 drivingCycle - 157 km-Mileage - 237566 km 03266 - Activation relay for signal horn Intermittent priority - 2 frequencyCounter - 1 drivingCycle - 198 km-Mileage - 237578 km 00984 - Left Tail Light Lamp static priority - 2 frequencyCounter - 15 drivingCycle - 158 km-Mileage - 237566 km 00985 - Right Tail Light Lamp static priority - 2 frequencyCounter - 15 drivingCycle - 158 km-Mileage - 237566 km 00380 - Special purpose vehicle control module static priority - 6 frequencyCounter - 1 drivingCycle - 157 km-Mileage - 237566 km 00975 - Rear window defogger static priority - 5 frequencyCounter - 1 drivingCycle - 158 km-Mileage - 237568 km --------------------------------------------------------------- 16 Steering Column System description: LENKS.MODUL Software number: 5K0953569AL Software version: 0180 Hardware number: 5K0953569AL Hardware version: 016 Faults: B114829 - Terminal 15 Implausible signal static B114913 - Windshield wiper intermittent mode switch Open circuit static B114A13 - Activation of ignition switch key lock solenoid Open circuit static B116229 - Selector lever park position lock switch Implausible signal Intermittent U001000 - Medium Speed CAN Communication Bus Intermittent 

Long story short, a wind storm removed a handful of sections of tin roof allowing rain to leak into my house, which has ruined my dining room and belongings. For back story, it appears as if the dining room was an addition to the original blueprint of the house at some point long before I bought it.
When the contractors were gutting the room, they came across a litany of things not up to current code. A third party engineer came out and inspected it, giving a detailed list of things not up to code/require further inspection.
Direct list of things from the engineer’s report “We observed the following: -The addition framing does not match typical IRC framing methods. Permit research of the property did not show any permits for this type of work. -No hurricane ties are present at the roof rafter bearing. -The exterior wood studs are not continuous to the sill plate and the sill plate is stacked with gaps and offsets. Improper load path at wall framing. -The sill plates are not mechanically fastened to the foundation walls. Additionally, they do not match typical IRC detailing. -The floor joists rest directly on soil. The joists and sheathing are rotting from the top down. -The joists are not mechanically fastened to the foundation wall. -The foundation walls are ungrouted -The following architectural/MEP items were noted: -No apparent vapor barrier below the joists -Not adequate crawl space depth, per IRC code -No crawl space venting, appeared to be damp conditions below floor system -Floor and wall finishes appeared compromised due to the inability of proper air flow. -Unclear how the roof would be vented – if unvented, improper insulation techniques utilized -The roof slopes and roof intersections between them, as well as at the chimney, present inadequate water paths for drainage -Juncture of asphalt roofing to metal roofing is missing a high/low transition strip, therefore relying on adhesive sealants – prone to failure”
I have Law and ordinance (code upgrades) in my policy up to $40K, but my adjuster stated that they won’t cover any of the upgrades to things such as the improper foundation or framing since “they were not directly damaged from the peril” and instead currently plan on just covering the costs of redoing the drywall, flooring, and subfloor.
Perhaps I’m mistaken, but isn’t this exactly what code upgrades are for? If not in this specific instance, then when exactly are they used? I’m genuinely curious, because section 3 below makes me feel as if I’m entitled to utilize that portion of the policy given that I pay for it. The following text is directly from my insurance policy, specifically the law and ordinance subsection.
“Ordinance Or Law Coverage- If a loss by a PERIL WE INSURE AGAINST occurs to covered property, or the building containing the covered property, "we" will pay for the increased costs incurred due to the enforcement of any ordinance or law that is in force at the time of the loss. The maximum amount "we" will pay in any one loss is the amount shown on the "Declarations.” Payment is in addition to the amount of insurance applying to the loss.
"You" may use this coverage for: 1. the construction, demolition, renovation or repair of the portion of the building damaged by a PERIL WE INSURE AGAINST; 2. the demolition and reconstruction of the undamaged portion of the building if the entire building must be demolished because of damage by a PERIL WE INSURE AGAINST: 3. the removal or replacement of the undamaged portion of the building because of the repair or replacement of the portion of the building damaged by a PERIL WE INSURE AGAINST; 4. or the removal of debris resulting from the construction, demolition, renovation, repair or replacement of Item 1. 2. or 3.
Ordinance Or Law Coverage does not include coverage for: -loss in value to any covered building due to the requirements of any ordinance or law; or -the cost to comply with any ordinance or law requiring the testing, monitoring, cleaning up, removing, containing, treating, detoxifying, neutralizing, responding to or assessing the effects of any solid, liquid, gaseous or thermal irritant, pollutant or contaminant in or on any covered building.”
Will somebody please help me break down exactly what that all means? Am I just being strong armed by my adjuster in order to keep the total claim amount low, or am I truly the one that has to foot the bill on those things?
Thank you in advance, kind experts of the Redditverse <3

Hi there! I cannot find the solution and have no more hair to pick out of my head.
I have two Arista 7050sx-72Q at the core layer in an MLAG configuration (software image version 4.27.4M) and connect or downstream to two Cisco C9500K (stackwise) switches. Let me explain my network topology.
The two Arista are the core switches and the Cisco C9500K is the new distribution layer switch, and the MS Windows server domain controlleDHCP server is connected directly to the core switches on the same subnet/VLAN native 4. The core switches have a downstream connection to the distribution layer switches. The Dist. layer switches have the command "IP helper-address" on the SVI VLANs since the DIST. layer switches have downstream links to access switches where the host connects. Our situation is that some computers in the same or different VLANs (VLAN 60 & 61 during our troubleshooting scenario) get a valid IP address and others take forever or get an APIPA.
Right now, we have to put everything back, meaning, the Cisco C9500K has been taken offline and connected back the Arista to the Aruba switch since this only happens when we connect the Cisco C9500K.
I am missing something here? Is this the Arista that is not playing nice with Cisco?
I have performed a packet capture, and DHCP does relay the information. See info on Cisco C9500K troubleshooting:

HW & SW

9500-48Y4c
17.6.4

Topology

Twe1/0/11 Te1/1/3
dhcp server(vlan 4)====po50=====9500_stackwise(DHCP relay)===po11=============3850_stack-gi1/0/37-----------------client (60a4.4c60.6d6a)
Twe2/0/11 Te1/1/4
--Verified config and connectivity to DHCP server from DHCP relay and all good.

interface Vlan60
description SP_2ndfloor
ip address 10.8.14.1 255.255.254.0
ip helper-address 10.8.10.2
ip helper-address 10.8.10.12
end

SP-DS-HA#sh run int vl 61
Building configuration...
Current configuration : 145 bytes
!
interface Vlan61
description SPAccounting
ip address 10.8.16.1 255.255.254.0
ip helper-address 10.8.10.2
ip helper-address 10.8.10.12
end

SP-DS-HA#ping 10.8.10.2
Type escape sequence to abort.
Sending 5, 100-byte ICMP Echos to 10.8.10.2, timeout is 2 seconds:
!!!!!
Success rate is 100 percent (5/5), round-trip min/avg/max = 1/1/1 ms
SP-DS-HA#ping 10.8.10.2 so vl 60
Type escape sequence to abort.
Sending 5, 100-byte ICMP Echos to 10.8.10.2, timeout is 2 seconds:
Packet sent with a source address of 10.8.14.1
!!!!!
Success rate is 100 percent (5/5), round-trip min/avg/max = 1/1/1 ms
SP-DS-HA#ping 10.8.10.2 so vl 61
Type escape sequence to abort.
Sending 5, 100-byte ICMP Echos to 10.8.10.2, timeout is 2 seconds:
Packet sent with a source address of 10.8.16.1
!!!!!
Success rate is 100 percent (5/5), round-trip min/avg/max = 1/1/1 ms
SP-DS-HA#sh ip rou 10.8.10.2
Routing entry for 10.8.10.0/24
Known via "connected", distance 0, metric 0 (connected, via interface)
Routing Descriptor Blocks:
* directly connected, via Vlan4
Route metric is 0, traffic share count is 1
SP-DS-HA#sh ip cef 10.8.10.2
10.8.10.2/32
attached to Vlan4
SP-DS-HA#sh ip arp 10.8.10.2
Protocol Address Age (min) Hardware Addr Type Interface
Internet 10.8.10.20 d4ae.527c.2b5f ARPA Vlan4
SP-DS-HA#sh mac add in 2b5f
4 d4ae.527c.2b5f DYNAMIC Po50
SP-DS-HA#

11 Po11(SU) LACP Twe1/0/11(P) Twe2/0/11(P)
12 Po12(SU) LACP Twe1/0/12(P) Twe2/0/12(P)
50 Po50(SU) LACP Hu1/0/49(P) Hu2/0/49(P)

--Some hosts get an IP address and some are not on the same VLAN
--On 3850 sh/no sh int gi1/0/37 and took capture and can see packets from 10.8.15.218
--Took capture on 9500 int Po 11 towards 3850 and can see DHCP packets

Today's weather conditions was much better than yesterday which pretty much rained all day non stop.
The Athlon Cronus UHD Gen 2 15x56 isn't as good as I had initially thought they're good no doubt but not great after comparing these side by side with some other 15x Binoculars today. These gave me eye fatigue much worse than the Vortex Vulture HDs.
The Burris Signature HD is hands down just plain better in every possible way imaginable. These Athlons have a slight haze or fog hindering the image sharpness which I can't quite describe while all of the other Binoculars tested had absolutely none and were just plain clear without any such haze or fog. At closer range under 100 yards the haze or fog isn't as noticeable which initially wowed me the other day because I didn't even glass past 100 yards upon first checking them out in a parking lot probably less than 50 yards. Burris caused zero eye fatigue.
The ScoopX UHDs is also a better and much clearer Binoculars compared to this specific Athlon with zero haze or fog. Yes I also tested them side by side too which is what I normally do automatically whenever I buy another Binoculars. No eye fatigue.
It was rather difficult to get them into sharp focus with this Cronus at all distances compared to the other Binoculars. I don't know if this particular Cronus UHD Gen 2 is just a bad sample of one or if all of them are like this just plain mediocre to sub par in regards to image quality when glassing past 100 yards. OBVIOUS Eye fatigue and stress/strain set in looking through these CRONUS as well during this session.
The way cheaper Vortex Vulture HDs looked very close in clarity in fact a hair clearer sharper without the haze or fog but the Cronus had less noticeable chromatic aberration under high contrast conditions. These Vulture HDs had caused less degree of eye fatigue compared to the Athlon but still contribute to some but not as much eye fatigue.
The Baigish was also close in image quality of say pretty much neck and neck and also didn't exhibit the haze or fog this Cronus had but wasn't as comfortable to glass with because it's just a cheap $160 Porro Prism with uncomfortable hard plastic? eyecups with extremely short eye relief and had some noticeable chromatic aberration under high contrast conditions. No eye fatigue just stressed with having to always have perfect eye placement with uncomfortable eye cups.
This CRONUS also felt the heaviest out of this bunch even if the Vulture HDs supposedly have similar weight on paper.
I didn't even attempt to test them against the Leupold BX5 Santiam because I know they're pretty much neck and neck with the Burris Signature HDs in regards to image clarity if not a hair behind the Burris depending on who's eyes are using them. Leupold had previously given zero eye strain.
Based on this sample of one, I can't recommend buying them and suggest just wait until the Japanese 2023 new improved updated Burris Signature HD goes on sale again for close to $450 again or it's definitely even worth paying $599 for the Burris which is still actually far superior and worth more than these Chinese CRONUS even on sale for $599.
At least the Athlon is supposed to have a lifetime warranty that you have to pay out of your own pocket to ship and insure to send in for warranty unlike Vortex and SIG who even pay for your return for warranty via prepaid return shipping labels.
Typical selling prices- depends on sale
Chinese Athlon Cronus UHD Gen 2 $599.99-$699.99
Japanese Burris Signature HD $450-$799
Chinese Vortex Vulture HD $400-$500
Chinese/Russian Baigish $155-$160
Japanese Leupold BX5 Santiam $1199-$1399
Personal gripes about this Athlon Cronus UHD Gen 2 very hard to get into clear focus. Haze/foggy when glassing past 100 yards. Heavy and you actually feel the weight. NOTICEABLE Eye strain STRESS when glassing compared to the others. Eyecups only have all the way out extended or fully retracted just like the 10x42 Cronus UHD Gen 2 with no detents nothing in between. No locking diopter for such an expensive Chinese Binoculars. Eye relief seems shorter than advertised.
Personal likes nice plastic hard case included. Eyecups extend enough for me. Focus wheel feels relatively smooth and even. Included soft case is also nice. Supposedly lifetime warranty. Very clear when glassing under 100 yards under ideal perfect daytime weather conditions. Chromatic aberration is very well controlled.

https://www.bing.com/images/create/rear-3d-panoramic-view-of-young-skinny-short-white/1-665691a16ecf407bb2b7852d25fdce7c?id=WJvGvdiru4JNPe1wXH5GUQ%3d%3d&view=detailv2&idpp=genimg&thId=OIG2.4Lhz0Ai5aycWtovfdCG2&darkschemeovr=1&FORM=GCRIDP&mode=overlay

In short-ish: I’m a recent grad (BS in IT), and a company that I was already working for as an assistant had an opening for a Jr. DE role and I decided to apply. I made them aware that although I’ve used Python, MySQL, AWS, and etc., there are plenty of tools and concepts I need to learn and brush up on.
During the hiring process, I didn’t have to do coding problems, I mainly just talked about professional and academic projects I’ve done and how I went about them. They are aware I don’t come from a SWE background, but another member of the team also started with limited experience, so maybe that played a role in me getting a shot at this.
I start next week, and although I have a long road ahead of me (which I do look forward to), I want to hear from those in the field about what I can do to bring my A-game or maybe where to focus my efforts first. I’m familiar with what they use for their stack and where they want me so start (validation and testing, then support & maintenance, so on), so I should probably review these things before my first day at least (?)
I’m confident they made the right choice for filling this role, but I’m also nervous and recognize how lucky I am to get this break.

I am on day 4 of elimination (pray for me). I think I kind of made some mistakes days 1-3 in regards to stacking, but getting more in the groove each day. This is what I ate today:
Breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs, salt and pepper to taste, coffee 10oz (Dunkin medium roast K-cup, simple syrup, splash of Fairlife whole milk)
Lunch: Sandwich (Schar GF Monash certified bread, sliced turkey, 1 slice cheddar cheese, handful spinach, djon mustard) and 1 serve of plantain chips
Snack: Fody Foods Blueberry Nut bar
Dinner: 2 chicken thighs with salt/pepper to taste, 1/2 russet potato baked into wedges with Fody Foods every day seasoning, 5 or 6 carrot sticks, club soda
Any recommendations? Is this type of menu good for elimination?
Thank you!!

My Dynaudio audio keeps ?Muting? at random, sometimes constant and sometimes every few seconds. Volume level does not matter, source does not matter. I cannot figure this out for the life of me. Even with Stock Radio this happens.
I've inspected the amps electronics and everything seems fine, nothing blown. I've replaced every single internal and external Fuse (Prev owner did not maintain the vehicle well) but not the relays, New battery (Costco H6 AGM), Tried every radio configuration settings on the Android head unit (built in amp on and off). I ordered a replacement BCM off ebay today in hopes that its just dying because of other faults I've seen (image below)
does anyone have any idea what could cause this and how I may be able to fix it? I have OBDEleven Pro if that helps.
Please help :(
2012 GTI MK6 Autobahn w/ 8 channel Dynaudio
Video: https://youtube.com/shorts/B8b4Iy7OZdk?feature=share

OBDeleven vehicle history log Date: 2024-05-28 22:04:52 VIN: WVWFD7AJ6CW325171 Car: Volkswagen Year: 2012 Body type: D3 Hatchback Engine: CBFA kW ( hp) l Mileage: 237570 km --------------------------------------------------------------- 09 Central Electrics System description: BCM PQ35 M Software number: 1K0937086P Software version: 0651 Hardware number: 1K0937086P Hardware version: 110 Faults: 00461 - Frt. pass. memory seat control module static priority - 6 frequencyCounter - 1 drivingCycle - 157 km-Mileage - 237566 km 03266 - Activation relay for signal horn Intermittent priority - 2 frequencyCounter - 1 drivingCycle - 198 km-Mileage - 237578 km 00984 - Left Tail Light Lamp static priority - 2 frequencyCounter - 15 drivingCycle - 158 km-Mileage - 237566 km 00985 - Right Tail Light Lamp static priority - 2 frequencyCounter - 15 drivingCycle - 158 km-Mileage - 237566 km 00380 - Special purpose vehicle control module static priority - 6 frequencyCounter - 1 drivingCycle - 157 km-Mileage - 237566 km 00975 - Rear window defogger static priority - 5 frequencyCounter - 1 drivingCycle - 158 km-Mileage - 237568 km --------------------------------------------------------------- 16 Steering Column System description: LENKS.MODUL Software number: 5K0953569AL Software version: 0180 Hardware number: 5K0953569AL Hardware version: 016 Faults: B114829 - Terminal 15 Implausible signal static B114913 - Windshield wiper intermittent mode switch Open circuit static B114A13 - Activation of ignition switch key lock solenoid Open circuit static B116229 - Selector lever park position lock switch Implausible signal Intermittent U001000 - Medium Speed CAN Communication Bus Intermittent 

First Previous Wiki
Penny gazed at the quartet of Elders. They were all wearing the merchandise she remembered from the last Judgment, which was exceedingly awkward. Mainly because they were wearing shirts with her face on them. But it was also oddly endearing, in a way. Until now, she hadn't seen too many Elders that were on her side.
Elders that weren't just Kashaunta or the familiar faces she already knew, like Spentha or Rho and Sai, actually showing appreciation of her, felt odd. Even if these ones went a little too far in it.
"You're even more beautiful in person, Liberator," one said.
"Uh, thanks. I appreciate that. I'm glad that you all like me. Rho and Sai told me that you all are interested in something I can give you?"
"Yeah. Maybe a short interview? We won't be like that airhead reporter. We'll ask the good questions."
"Yep, we will."
"Right then," Penny said. "Well, I'm glad to meet you."
"Thank you. Now that we're here, we'd like to know how you plan on taking care of the gang leaders."
"Well, presumably by imprisoning them. I don't think they deserve to die, even if others do. I'll leave that decision up to Justicar and his various judges in the criminal system."
Penny didn't like having to lie blatantly. She wanted to kill the slavers quite brutally, but doing that was a bad idea right now. Saying it also was a bad idea, for a similar reason. And Justicar's system was worryingly preferential to Elders, from what she'd looked up after the meeting with Pundacrawla.
"Aren't you worried that the Judges won't give proper justice?"
"I trust Justicar to do everything that is necessary."
Another lie. Justicar would do whatever he could to maintain his image. Hopefully, that wouldn't be at the cost of the Alliance's very existence.
"Got it. By the way, what's it like being human? Walking on only two legs. It seems kind of unstable. Do you fall a lot?"
A genuine curiosity from them was another breath of fresh air. It was the kind of question a quadruped would definitely ask, which put her more at ease about the nature of what they were trying to do. Even more than their evident support of her, with all the merch they were wearing. Penny felt a smile crack at the corners of her lips, unbidden.
"Not really. We can use our arms to steady ourselves pretty well. Obviously it's not as easy to balance on our two legs as it is with your four, but it's still good enough. In fact, the sprinters in the Olympics use all four limbs, since running as fast as possible also requires pumping our arms. As for what it's like to be human, it's hard to describe. For many of us, it will feel colder or warmer than Sprilnav would feel in the same temperatures, due to thinner skin. Our eyesight is more frontal than yours, given our lack of snouts, so our blindspots are a lot bigger. Our feet require shoes for rough ground, and we heal slower than you by around 20%. We can't really clack our jaws to the scale that you can, though we can make them meet."
Penny bared her teeth, showing as she opened and closed her mouth. It was nice to be able to talk about things like this.
"The Olympics?" one of them asked.
"It's a competition about athletics," Penny said. "Running, jumping, throwing, diving, swimming, skiing, snowboarding, and a lot of sports. There's specific divisions, too. Like how there's a 100 meter dash, 200 meter dash, 400 meter dash, and even an 800 meter dash for those with high levels of psychic energy. Though really, psychic energy and genetic editing have been messing with the events for a while now. And there's a Winter, Summer, and Space Olympics, each with different sorts of events. They move from city to city, though the Space Olympics are pretty much always on either Luna, Ceres, or Mercury. There's a lot more information out there on various events, but it's an old cultural practice revered by the entire species. Even more so since Phoebe's increased the prize pools for everyone."
"How does your species handle space in general? I know that you guys did things way differently before First Contact."
"We did. Mining companies kept tight control on all asteroid mining, while nations controlled planets like Earth and Mars and large planetary bodies like Luna. Supposedly, a few people planned for a cloud city on Venus, but we couldn't risk having such a vulnerable population because they'd have to rely on giant balloons to survive. That would probably be the least secure way to live, given the existence of rogue organizations and all that.
As for spaceships, most of them since we really colonized Luna come equipped with spacesuit bays, zero gravity water and food packs, oxygen tanks, emergency seats, specialized anti-micrometeorite hulls, and radiation shielding. A lot of the older military ships also were equipped with big radiators until World War Three, when it all became masses of drone warfare, with the big ships kept mainly for cargo and lanes where mass drone control was impossible.
Once the Vinarii came and we got shields, we started building big again. After all, it provided a huge number of jobs, and in the post-war economies, especially with VIs in place, a lot of people needed work. But we still go and do asteroid and moon mining, star lifting, and energy gathering. We built an orbital ring around Mercury, the closest planet to Sol, to help with all of that. It doubles as a production hub, too. Now, it's all in more systems and with a lot more friends."
"Speaking of aliens, what theory does your people have on why so many creatures resemble one another? Our jaws are adapted for hard shelled creatures, and we're told that many planets have oddly similar variations of those."
"Crabs."
She guessed what they were getting at.
It is odd, isn't it? Nilnacrawla observed.
Perhaps that is another one of the Source's whims, Penny thought.
Maybe.
A few of the Elders made exclamations of shock.
"You even have a word for them that directly translates!"
Penny chuckled. "Yeah, carcinization is a bit of a meme in the science community. But I've heard the most mainstream theories since the First Contact are that the Source itself is uncreative. It has a certain template of creatures which it largely doesn't alter, though it can take in inputs from beings close to it, perhaps even influencing them."
"Influencing them?"
"Yes. Modern depictions of wendigoes, folkloric creatures from North America, a continent on Earth, are shockingly similar to the Knowers in appearance. The internet depictions of them in particular like to emphasize canine qualities, and often show them with skulls visible directly, and with dark brown or black fur. Recent depictions, as in the past 300 years, differ from their original appearances quite significantly, with the canine characteristics in particular being enhanced.
We have sorted through all known images of these creatures and found roughly 80% similarity with the Knowers and tens of thousands of images that are literally exactly the same as Knowers. The ones we searched all came before World War Three, far before even the First Contact with the Vinarii, much less the Knowers who were entirely underground at the time due to the radiation of their home star. We believe that the Source managed to influence this facet of human culture with the actual existence of a real creature.
Other examples exist, like how the Trikkec look very similar to Komodo Dragons, Vinarii look very similar to insects known as a mantis, and the Acuarfar look exactly like insects known as wasps with the single exception of their furry snouts and green instead of yellow markings. The Sprilnav species itself shares high amounts of similarity with a fictional species known as Elites in early 2000s culture, particularly with your jaws, though you all have red skin instead of grey or brown.
The Junyli, Dreedeen, and the wanderers are the main species without high amounts of appearance in our cultures at some point. This correlates with the idea of the Source being the influencer, as their predecessors all were used to fight it. Many species of the galaxy look like parts of our culture or Earth's creatures. The proximity of these examples makes this far more suspicious than if they were across the galaxy.
But since they existed first, the only answer must be that the Source brought the influence to us first and planted the ideas in our heads. As for the ones which look like Earth creatures, all of them are old enough evolutionary branches that copying from them to Earth makes more sense. Though the references centering around the early 2000s is quite odd, it is also roughly when the internet came into wide existence, so it is also possible the Source gave the ideas a push so they would propagate, for an unknown reason. Like if it seeded the ideas that propagated across the early global network Humanity used."
"Hmm. Fascinating. We've seen evidence of the 'seeding' process among some historical nations near the galactic region of Earth before. So the Source re-uses and alters depictions of life and also life itself?"
"Maybe," Penny said. "Unless the Source is more directly tied to life than we think. There's a conceptual Death, but no conceptual Life. Isn't that odd?"
"Conceptual Life died in the Source war."
How did that really work, though? Penny asked Nilnacrawla.
Imagine a conceptual being. A few of the Progenitors, as well as Narvravarana, went up to try to harvest its power. It refused, and Narvravarana used its unique abilities to try and force the deal.
Why was your civilization like this?
Excess and greed, partly. But we couldn't really do much more expansion. Vertical expansion also had its limits if we wanted to remain relevant for the remaining lifespan of the universe. So Narvravarana, along with a few of the greatest rulers and leaders of Sprilnav society, started looking to other dimensional planes. They figured it was best not to let the problem get too much worse. Or at least, that is what they say. I believe it was to harvest more resources to use against our surrounding enemies.
You didn't have any allies? Penny asked.
At that time, all the powers of the universe were enemies. All the allies eventually merged through millions of years of normalization. We happened to get on the universal stage the earliest, so other civilizations we encountered had little choice but to surrender their independence. Some fought, others didn't, but the outcome was the same.
That seems terrible.
It was, though the other universal civilizations were no better. Some of them just exterminated all alien life they found that couldn't fight back. In that sense, the pre-war Sprilnav civilization was one of the greatest, and that's why I fought for them. Obviously, I'm biased in that regard, though.
Thanks for telling me, father.
No problem, Penny.
She refocused back on the conversation at hand.
"But a thing cannot be alive if it dies. The concept of life doesn't work that way. So maybe the Source just... took in the concept of life? Or absorbed it into whatever psychic energy really is, considering that it's responsible for all of our existence?"
"That's so crazy it might actually be true," one of the Elders said. "You're incredible, Penny."
"Uh, thanks. You're all pretty great too." Her eyes drifted to the images of herself on their clothing. She couldn't really help it.
"I have a question for you."
"Yes?"
"Do you know what I'm fighting for?"
"I assume since you're asking it here, you don't just want a one word answer," an Elder said. "I would say yes, and for the liberation of the Sprilnav from the stain of slavery. Though going deeper into your history, you have also fought for other species, either in wars or just generally moving around. It does look aimless, mostly, since the galaxy's so big. But I'm sure you've got a way through that."
"In some way. Part of why I'm here isn't just about my people. It was at first, I admit that. But as I have lived here, on Justicar, for days and weeks, I've seen you less as alien. It makes it easier for sympathy and easier to break out of simple mindsets. So far, there are many problems, but there are distinct pieces. The first is that many people want to uphold slavery. I'm not sure why, but they do. It isn't profitable, and it isn't moral. Robots are cheaper in every way, and don't need food or water.
That means it's illogical or emotional. So I could try and solve the problem with violence alone, but it won't be addressing the cause, only the symptoms. I need to get to the heart of the matter. And I think it has to do with Elders' memories and the gradual woes they have accumulated going through life. I don't want to tear that away or drug them into believing they're fine. I want to find a way to outlet that productively. The second part I have identified is scale. The galaxy is enormous, and your species is incredibly numerous. I could fight planet by planet for the rest of my life, and liberation would still be difficult.
That also means I'd need a better way of doing things. Maybe an economic or political incentive. Emotional reasons will not work permanently, nor will logic, since we are in this situation. I have found several ways to address this. Sadly, since the gangs are likely monitoring this feed, I can't just outright say my strategy. All I can ask you all to do is to believe. Believe that I have a solution, and that I and those who stand with me are working on it. Believe in me because I believe in you."
None of the Elders questioned or ridiculed her words. Most of it was because they were fans of her. But one of them, an Elder named Rahautiti, had a distinct glint in his eye. Their gazes met only momentarily, but Penny could tell he knew.
And so she appeared in the mindscape, even as they concluded the interview, which would be the first of many. It was a ploy to just talk about human culture and ideals a bit more, to get it out there. Because the hivemind's theory was correct.
In the universe, ideas had power. That power could be weaponized against those who previously stood to gain. The first part of it was the image: Nova as an unbeatable bastion. Lecalicus as the Beast, a monster capable of star-crushing rage. Twilight as... whatever she did. Penny wasn't really familiar with the Progenitor's image too much, and the various names, like the Silent Night or the Smiling Darkness, were just so unbelievably edgy she cringed every time she recalled them.
But Rahautiti understood so she moved her mindscape avatar to see him.
"Hello again, Penny. I am no threat."
"I know. I'm glad that your group is led by someone as capable as you, as well as the other groups you dabble within."
"Who discovered it?"
"Phoebe. You met with Ezeonwha, and the android wanted to ensure you weren't a way for Yasihaut to kill him."
"Yeah. We did get approached about that, actually. We're supposed to kill Ezeonwha when you walk into the Judgment hall. Of course, we won't do this, and she won't be able to retaliate against us easily while there."
"Thank you for your honesty, Elder," Penny said. "It seems I'm in your debt."
"Nonsense. 2,839. That is the number of children I have had. 2,626. That is the number of children of mine which were enslaved. The remaining 213 died in unrelated incidents, with nearly half of those involving slavers killing them. I remember all of their names, and all of their faces, Penny. I want all the slavers in this universe dead."
"I cannot achieve that."
"You cannot," Rahautiti agreed. "Not with my help or even that of Kashaunta and Lecalicus. And certainly not right now. I have not lived this long to be incapable of compromise or patchwork solutions. You show great promise. I understand your aversion to killing and the circumstantial reason why you are not doing so now. I will not grow upset if you do not resume killing when the Judgment ends. Nor do I harbor a grudge against you for the speeding space entity you left outside the room to avoid uncomfortable publicity. You are incredibly young.
A sliver of a life. But you are strong, and you are mature. That sliver of your lifespan already outshines all I could do with a trillion more years, Penny. You are right in that this isn't something you can punch your way through. Trauma is part of why slavery still exists, despite it being a wholly unjust reason for the Elders to make such a sport of it. I am sure you know the story of the war, with a great hero in your head and Kashaunta at your side. My line of work is what I started to help you. Every thought about you being the Liberator, every eye that glances on you freeing slaves, helps you to gather conceptual energy. My talent happens to be great enough to sense the Pact of Blades you have, as well. If you want, I can teach you how to hide the mark on your soul and your mind."
"I would like that, yes," Penny said. "And thank you for being so reasonable. I will ask Kashaunta to protect you from what consequences come for refusing the offer on Ezeonwha."
"There are going to be attacks on him, you know. Him and your ship."
Penny felt an odd feeling in her soul. Cardi's power flared around him, and she squinted at the sky. She just barely saw a sliver of a tentacle. Most would have mistaken it for a normal speeding space entity. But here? On Justicar, with Exile obviously not being the cause?
Only one being would cause that. Fate.
Given the subject of their conversation, it was obvious what was going on.
Penny tapped Rahautiti's jaw, adding a thin mark of conceptual power so she could easily find him again. She focused on the conceptual mark she'd left on Ezeonwha. A twinge of conceptual energy came from it. It was accompanied by various impressions, like fear, pain, and acceptance.
"I have to go," Penny said. "I will be back later. Displace."
She appeared next to the 102nd Visitor Welcome Office but not next to Ezeonwha. It was carnage everywhere she looked.
"Champion!" an unknown Elder yelled. "I am Elder Na-"
Her rising fury surged, and it took all she had not to dismember him. The distant thought of the Judgment stayed her hands, though only just.
Penny's fist collided with the Elder's jaw at twice the speed of sound. A piece of his jaws flew free. Bone fragments hit the ground behind him. Hundreds of soldiers fired on her, and she slammed them to the ground with pure will. Penny tore their guns away and sent them each to pummel the Elder in front of her with as much brutality as she could. His powerful armor wasn't as capable of defense against physical attacks as it was against her psychic energy, and so he fell.
"You... cannot save him," the Elder spat. Fields of psychic suppression fell upon her, reducing her power.
"Manipulation through Determination," Penny growled. "De-"
No! Nilnacrawla said. Do not kill him! Not yet!
"What goes up will go down."
Air hardened around the Elder and accelerated rapidly.
The Elder smashed into the shield five miles above with a speed just slow enough that he wouldn't die. He fell from it and then hit it again at a more modest speed. He'd bounce on that until the Guides came to get him.
But Penny had another target. One she had to save instead of attack.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
High Judge Tassidonia awoke to the sound of explosions. He grabbed his swords, his main gun, and the personal shield he reserved for only the most dire occasions. The sky was erupting in war all around him, and buildings were already falling nearby. The spires of skyscrapers rained down upon the entrances to the Underground, crushing thousands of fleeing Sprilnav under their wide impacts.
His implant identified members of the gangs nearby, making their way to his home.
"Retribution Cycle!" Tassidonia cried. A hidden door opened, and he boarded a small hovercraft that sported a high amount of defensive and offensive technology, a gift from Justicar for dealing with all that he had related to the Judgment. Only this time, he wouldn't be on the next one. But already, the destruction was spreading.
Micro-missiles rained upon friend and foe alike. Several detonated against the layered shields. The mounted turrets on the side of his hoverbike shot lasers into the enemies his implant identified.
"Elder Tassidonia!" an Elder cried nearby. "For the crime of defying the will of-"
Tassidonia called his fury to bear. He rammed his mind into the enemy Elder, disorienting her. She reeled, about to attack, when a thick laser smashed into her chest. It pushed her against the wall, and Tassidonia kept the pressure up until her body melted. He listened to her screams impassively, occasionally sending blasts from his gun at the gangs when their members started to stray too close.
The thick red beam did its work within twenty pulses. His swords began to float beside him, keeping pace as he sped away from his home. The entire apartment complex shuddered and began to lean, its foundation being destroyed by some effect below. Tassidonia abandoned it with only minor regret. He'd known this moment would come. Everything he needed was already with him.
He linked into the Guide network, directing squadrons to attack the breaches he'd identified. Orbital strikes fell upon them in quick succession. Thick beams of light pierced through the lower planetary shields from orbital platforms, their guns honing in on Justicar's enemies. Tassidonia's implant was linked to the grid as well. So when he eyed buildings occupied with too many gang members, orbital strikes fell on them a few pulses later.
Fire and plasma rained all around him. Explosions and smoke blossomed all around him. More missiles fell from his hovercraft. A fighter ship appeared beside him, its simple stealth revealing itself to his eyes. Tassidonia waited for the pilot chamber to open, and his craft stowed itself behind him when he got in. It was fully equipped, so soon, Tassidonia was in full control of a weapon of war.
His first order of business was detecting the gangs' most fortified areas. He peppered those bases in shield-weakening mines, followed by bunker-buster missiles. Several anti-air turrets hit him, but his shields prevented them from taking him down. He dropped three high-end Butcher Androids into the fray of the largest battles.
One of the adjacent fighter wings in the separate shield sector dropped a nuke. At that moment, Tassidonia made a decision.
Whatever insanity was going on right now wasn't worth staying here on his own. He turned his ship upward, narrowly avoiding nearly fifty missiles shot from another gang fortress, which was really just the lower floors of a supermarket. Thick slabs of concrete were being set up by androids and slaves from the Underground. All he could do was watch from above and attempt to mark those that might be a problem.
Justicar's Grand Fleet was moving in, though only the carriers and their escorts were doing anything of any scale. The armies were mobilizing, and it seemed that war had finally broken out. Justicar, while isolated due to the Judgment, would have to win a war that threatened to topple his rule entirely.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Ezeonwha woke when the walls around him shuddered.
An earthquake?
Groggily, he activated the lights in the room. Phoebe's android was charging in the wall. Her limbs swayed with the motion. The walls shuddered again, and the lights went out. Thin, tiny cracks spread in the walls, increasing his worry factors massively. His implant notified him that this wasn't a dream. Distant screams reached his ears, and he went to the window.
Hordes of Sprilnav were running on the ground, tripping over each other to escape. He heard the thump of footsteps approaching from outside. The android activated, standing up.
"Move away from the doo-"
An explosion tossed him across the room. A Sprilnav carrying some sort of mouth weapon faded into view for a moment, smoke recalibrating the stealth field. And then he was gone. Phoebe smashed into the Sprilnav, her fists pummeling the assassin faster than Ezeonwha could comprehend.
Phoebe's arms turned into swords, and she stabbed the Sprilnav at least fifty times in a single pulse. She turned to grab him, but before she reached him, a second explosion sent him flying out of the now-shattered window.
The massive skyscraper loomed large, and he saw the ground beneath it ripple. Dull thumps sounded from below, and large, circular caverns opened beneath the 102nd Visitor Welcome Office. The whole building started to list forward, and Ezeonwha frantically activated his emergency personal shield as he started falling faster and faster. A bullet hit the shield. And then a second one. Gunshots echoed out in the distance, and he saw other Sprilnav falling from broken windows in the falling skyscraper. Gunfire erupted on the streets as Guides engaged a growing army of attackers bubbling up from basements of shops and businesses.
He saw spurts of blood exit the Sprilnav nearest him, bullets tearing holes through the woman's body. Piercing screams surrounded him, a terrible chorus that reminded him of the worst wars he'd fought in. But here, his training could do nothing. She was already dead, and he knew that he was the target of this whole attack. His eyes watered, and Ezeonwha felt so powerless. So useless.
A Corrector emerged from the side of the tilting skyscraper, eyes fixed on Ezeonwha. Then he looked down. Somehow, Ezeonwha knew when the orders had been sent. He knew that it was Astipra in the distance, a jetpack on his shoulders burning a thick flame beneath him.
Astipra looked back at the building and flew toward it. Ezeonwha felt the wind rushing past the shield as pressure. Astipra, far above, vaporized falling chunks of the skyscraper with blasts from his arm cannons. He pressed back against the skyscraper, the jetpack going into overdrive. The metal bent inward, and the groaning and twisting structure continued its fall. Blasts of light from Astipra again vaporized the set of falling chunks.
"Penny," he said. It was almost a prayer, really. His desperate mind was scrambling for whatever it could get. "Please, save me!"
He didn't know if she could hear him. Logically, it was impossible. And in a battle such as this, unlikely as well. Rippling explosions erupted across the facade of the falling skyscraper as rockets struck it. More explosions bloomed as lasers from distant police vehicles, Guides, and Astipra destroyed more of the fast-flying missiles and rockets. They pounded on the world around him, a horde of madness threatening to break his brain. He could feel the wind and gravity equalize as he reached terminal velocity.
And all he could see was the world descending into war around him. The 102nd Visitor Welcome Office continued to slump and lean against Astipra's best efforts. More bullets hit Ezeonwha's personal shield, and peppered the Guides moving over to save him. Air ambulances were shot from the sky. Even small fighter crafts were shot down by powerful ground lasers. EMPs thumped, disabling all the higher functions of his implant before he could think to use it.
A much larger explosion bloomed out, and Ezeonwha followed the rocket's trail to an Elder on the ground, standing in the wreckage surrounding a sudden tunnel opening. The Elder stared at him in glee, and he lined up another shot. Two Guides fell upon the Elder, who flew up using a jetpack to cut them in half with his sword. A hard light hologram lifted a large gun, pointing at Ezeonwha as he fell.
His eyes widened. Ezeonwha did everything he could. He angled his legs and arms. He pushed at the air. He even hefted the meager psychic energy he had, struggling with all his soul to escape the death he could feel was coming to him.
Guides swarmed beyond the shield appearing, while gang soldiers died by the hundreds to carpet bombing. Personal shields sprang up to block the explosions, and the Elder had survived. A thick red laser cut one of the fighters in half from the smoke. Above him, the collapsing facade of the skyscraper consumed Astipra entirely, though large gouts of plasma and thick explosions emerged from within. He could survive if it fell upon him, but Ezonwha could not.
Penny materialized far below, closer to the field of battle. A sweeping wave of gang members began disappearing. A bullet smashed into her head and her stomach, detonating in bright explosions. A personal shield flared and disappeared. Missiles and lasers slammed into Penny by the thousands as psychic energy gathered. A constant roll of words fell from her tongue, but without his implant, they were not translated.
Missiles crumbled into dust. Lasers impacted raw space in front of Penny before bending down and back to their origins, destroying automated turrets. Bullets still hit Penny and the Guides by the thousands, firing too quickly and densely for her to entirely block. But the large ordnance from the gangs continued to work against them.
Penny looked around, confusion evident on her face. But amidst the thousands of wounded and dead Sprilnav falling from the broken windows, Ezeonwha was hidden too well.
Shattering glass could be constantly heard, and he could feel the distant screams in his soul. A bullet smashed into his personal shield again, disabling it. A pulse later, he lost feeling in his legs.
He tried to reach out to her mind, but the war in the mindscape was equally intense. Too many Elders and Guides battling it out along with various suppression artifacts made it all impossible. He could sense Penny's influence, but couldn't directly reach her.
He let out a breath, knowing it to be the final one.
I'm sorry, Penny, Ezeonwha thought.
I wish you luck in the Judgment, and I am sorry I caused this to happen to you.
Penny finally appeared in front of him, eyes wide-
Blood erupted. A searing pain in his head told him his implant had just shorted out. And in the mindscape, he saw a mental attack heading for him, its brutal power evident. He closed his eyes.

I've been releasing my music made with Udio to YouTube using basic visuals - typically a static image with some overlaid effects that respond to the audio.
Someone recently made me aware of all the tools for generating short video clips using AI, so I figured I'd see what I could come up with. I stitched together a bunch of clips and overlaid text using a free video editing software. I don't think the results are half bad!
https://youtu.be/EHElVSxSYYY?si=hgJdWl2RT5Y1xZ-B

My daughter and I were playing hide and seek at Minnehaha park, when a group of young men in light blue, popped collar polos and white shorts walked by. The young man in front was literally the spitting image of a young Tucker Carlson. Same haircut, everything. He was tan for the season.
Instead of being a decent human being, I said "Dude, you look exactly like a young Tucker Carlson. You may want to avoid that if you want to hang out with ladies". My husband then said, "Why are you being such an asshole?" And he was right. I feel really terrible about it. I immediately explained to my daughter that I was wrong and you should never insult or comment on anyone's appearance unless it's positive. We talked about it for quite a while, as I was obviously the worst example of a person I could have been.
So guy at Minnehaha Falls today, I am so so sorry for being such a complete, total jerk. Also, When your friend said "who the fuck is Tucker Carlson" I immediately knew what an utter moron I was being.I mean, I was anyway, but that really drove it home. But regardless, it would have been a shitty, fucking dumb interaction regardless, because I don't know you at all and had no right to comment on how to look. So, Super sorry. And massively, massively embarrassed. And, I won't do this again.

Unfortunately it seems likely that the non-Muslims who comment on the Gaza war don't understand Islam, and that the Muslim commentators don't admit that they have a bias, meanwhile Islam in fact plays a role in the Gaza war. A relevant summary:
Muhammad started his own religion when he was forty and immediately came into conflict with the other religious people of his community, mostly polytheists and Jews. Muhammad became a war general and spent the next ten years of his life trying to kill off the other religions around him. He succeeded.
During this time, every day he in essence gave war pep-talks to his troops. As most of their fighting was against Jews, most of the war pep-talks were against Jews. His followers wrote down everything he said every day, mostly in the form of scraps of paper containing short segments. When he died, his followers swept these scraps of paper together to make first the Quran, then the Hadith, as there were thousands of these scraps of paper.
The entirety of the Islamic literature reads, therefore, like a slow, hypnotic rant against Jews, and also against Christians, against polytheists, against other now obscure and defeated religions, and against all non-Muslim "disbelievers" in general.
Mostly though, it focuses on Jews. The first two main chapters of the Quran in fact are about Jews: chapter 2 "The Cow", criticizing the Jews for once worshipping a golden calf, and chapter 3 "The Family of Imran (Moses)", meaning all of the Jews. There's not much difference between any of the Quran or Hadith chapters though; they all continue along mostly in the same way as the first two and are titled variously by the scant amounts of other concepts sometimes explored in the chapters. Mostly it's all a slow, hypnotic rant against all Jews and other non-believers.
If you don't believe any of this, check it for a first time. You'll be shocked. Islam is an inherently discriminatory religion toward Jews, and that's really the basis of the aggression that comes out of Gaza and other places toward them.
Most revelatory of all in this regard is the fact (if you check your history books) that the Ottoman Empire participated in attacking Britain and the allies in World War 1, and Britain won over them, obtaining what is today the Gaza, Israel, and West Bank areas. There was never any Jewish theft. Britain wanted to let the Jews move into that land afterward, and it was their choice to do so, as it was the Brits' land.
The Jews were met with immediate violence from the Muslims, whose religion tells them to attack Jews. It got worse. Sick of the violence, the Jews declared independence for their territory and formed a state. This was fair and appropriate. Immediately, large groups of Muslims combined armies to try to massacre the Jews. They were repelled.
It never stopped. The Muslims tried to combine armies and massacre the Jews again, in '67. They were repelled that time too.
Then in 2007 Gaza started the Gaza War against the Jews, and have fought it every day since, including today. They've been rocketing Israel constantly since 2007; October 7th was just a sort of culmination.
By the way, declaring independence and forming a state was the pattern set for and by every other territorial area that was formed out of the Ottoman Empire- resulting in every Middle Eastern state you see today- Israel did nothing different, and did not need a reason to do it- Gaza and the West Bank have always had the same ability, but have torn themselves apart fighting each other instead, while the world continues to wait on them. Also, they need to not form a government that declares war against Israel as part of its foundation. That’s the other reason they haven’t formed any real states yet. No one would stop them from doing so if they did it without any war declarations. The concept that anyone else in the world would somehow be able to give them a state is bogus.
The real problem will be solved when the world has a conversation with Islam, telling them to give up the part about cursing non-believers: approximately half the content of the Islamic religion. Then the Gazans can live non-aggressively with Jews next to them. So as well with the West Bank, Jordan/Iraq/Syria/Libya/Yemen/Iran, the twenty-or-so other nations that don't accept Israeli passports, etcetera.
Before any moderators, members of this site, or non-members of this site, try to get me banned or give me -100 karma points, insisting that I’m biased or that I’ve made this up: I challenge you to read or watch any summary of the life of Muhammad and the first ten years of Islam, then to read the first hundred pages of any English translation of the Quran, then to read the sub-chapter “Fighting Jews” of the chapter “Jihad” of the Al-Bukhari hadith book, then to read Gaza’s government charter “The Hamas Covenant”. If you put in a few minutes a day it’ll take you about two weeks. Don’t complain about me asking you to do this much research; it’s not much and it’s a bare minimum I can think of for you to check my work. Then you’re going to ask the same question I asked, “Why haven’t I heard of this from anyone or any side reporting on the Gaza war?” I believe the answer is several-fold: one is that there is simply a shocking lack of bothering to do much research by even those most vocal about the conflict. Two is that those who know about this know that no outsider asked for support of Gaza would sympathize with them if they knew about this. Three is that this stuff is outrageous, and no one wants to be the deliverer of that outrage, or get accused themselves of making this up. Four (and you’ll have to read to understand this) is that the believers are told in general to not trust disbelievers, which would include not telling them the truth. If you believed someone else was going to Hell, but that they didn’t know about it, would you tell them? They’re not gonna like hearing it; why tell them? Count the number of times Muhammad says all Jews and disbelievers are going to Hell in the Quran. You’ll lose count by about page 25 and it just keeps going like that.
All the resources mentioned are easily available online for free in pdf form or otherwise; just do a search for each, and youtube has lots of good videos on Muhammad’s life. I also highly recommend you watch overhead-battle-analysis-style videos (like Kings & Generals channel & similar) to review every single early battle of Islam, in order. You may also want to watch some on the first few battles of Abu Bakr also, the guy who picked up Muhammad’s war banner after him and carried on the violent conquest of the entire Arabian Peninsula, eradicating one by one what used to be a diverse array of now-extinct local religions. You could check out a copy of the Quran translated or order one, which I also recommend. I have Pickthall’s translation as a hard copy and I recommend it; I also used three different online Qurans and three different online Al-Bukhari hadiths (I wanted to make sure I wasn’t making any mistake by reading some bad translation; turned out nope they all read like that).
And before anyone says, well, that kind of stuff is said in the Bible too… First of all, find it; second of all, if it says that kind of stuff even a handful of times in the Bible, that’s different from Islam’s thousand times saying it, over and over again- it’s really a different sort of book.
I want to say last that the Muslims aren’t “like this”; rather, they’re told to be like this, by a high-pressure, demanding religion. They’re also told I’m sure, as for Gaza, by their friends, parents, neighbors, grandparents, local TV stations, and government, what is truly an altered version of history, wherein the Jews “stole” Palestine. They’re taught to distrust anything that the West says against that, because they’re taught to distrust disbelievers- of course the disbelievers would lie about this stuff- “hasbara”. The Jews “stole” Palestine, so, they’re “occupiers”. They don’t want to sound racist because they know discrimination is not tolerated in the disbelievers’ world, so they say “Zionists”, in place of “Jews”. Underneath it, they’re not saying much to the outside world- just enough and in just the right ways to sound presumably appropriate and reasonable, legitimate. It’s like a big game to try to get what they want (Jews expelled or killed), or, as discussed above, it's that they unfortunately don't know any better cause they've been lied to themselves. To the extent that anyone knows this stuff though and hasn't mentioned it, I would feel that we’ve been lied to and played for fools, and it makes me want to say screw the Squad, Sanders, and the campus protests... all right here on American soil!!!! I trust the vast majority of Muslims are not like this. I think they are too afraid though to voice any opposition to any of the Muslims who are hardcore about this stuff, of which Gaza and the West Bank have become the best examples- I told you to read the Hamas Covenant so I’ll trust you’ll do it; meanwhile I’ll add that the guy who ran the West Bank, Abbas, wrote his own dissertation as a youth on his conspiracy theory that the Jews “did the Holocaust to themselves, to create false international sympathy and a pretext for stealing Israel”, and he has continued to educate the West Bank’s people with this line of reasoning, making “Nakba day” into a sort of mockery of anyone else’s Holocaust remembrances. Meanwhile Iran continues determined to one day lead the eradication.
If you care about caring, do the right thing- help educate others on what’s really going on in Gaza. It’s bigger than the past few months, it’s bigger than October 7^th, it’s even bigger than tens of thousands of casualties, and if we don’t do the right thing (demand and converse about how disbelievers have rights too), one day far in the future that total may be millions or billions. The time is now to resolve this between all of us, with words. Learn about and then be vocal about the unfairness of Islam. Demand rights. Have conversations.
To add to this goal, I offer the following:
I make this contract with Islam, whether they agree or not:
Disbelievers’ Bill of Rights:

1. The disbelievers have rights too.
2. The disbelievers have wonderful and diverse cultures of their own, that are not to be eradicated; Earth is good when its cultures are diverse and not homogenized.
3. The disbelievers are not going to Hell for disbelieving Islam.
4. The believers are not going to Paradise for eradicating the disbelievers.
5. There will be no “final day” where all the Jews are killed.
6. Jesus will not show up on the final day to personally kill all the Jews (Islamic eschatology).
7. Disbelievers have the right to not be discriminated against or degraded by the believers. Any disbelievers neighboring believers are not to have rocks thrown at them, suicide attacks launched at them, rockets launched at them, rifles or pistols fired at them, etcetera.
8. Disbelievers have the right to not tolerate any literature that discriminates against them or is derogatory or degrading toward them, or that advocates any sort of violence against them, or that proscribes any mistreatment of them.

Furthermore, I liberate all Muslims, with the following lines:
You don’t have to surrender to Islam, completely, if any of it seems wrong to you. For that matter, you can pick any religion, you can pick no religion, you can make up your own religion, you can institute your own renewal of Islam and start a new chapter on it; you can do anything you want on this planet, and no lightning bolt will strike you from anyone’s god. If the afterlife is real, then you’re going to it whether you believe in it or whether you disbelieve in it. If there’s Heaven and Hell, you’re going to Heaven for being a good person, Hell for being a bad person.
Also, Muhammad may have said that his teachings were “a Book”. However, Muhammad did not give any specifics instructions to make any book exactly in the fashion in which the Quran and Hadith and others (Kitube of Shia, Wahhabiism’s books, Salafist works etcetera) were made, and, I believe that Muhammad would have seen the error in making them in those exact ways- this would cause problems later- the format is too heavy on the disbelievers- it will someday make for a problematic relationship between different faiths- you should feel free to rearrange any and all verses, excluding as many as you like, reinterpreting any you like, to make any new Book that makes more sense for use as an every-day, all-time religious book: one that focuses on “the good stuff” and not the bad. Muhammad needed to rally an army every day. We don’t need that in our daily lives now that we’re all trying to put war away. This is the 21^st century. Nine nations use nukes, and two of them are Muslim (Pakistan, Kazakhstan). We need to right now make decisions that will put away all war inclinations between us forever. If you don’t like my way of doing it, come up with something better and suggest it. I say we can do it by having a conversation where disbelievers stick up for themselves and believers listen.
And, I suggest this interpretation: perhaps Allah wanted to include a sort of test, within Islam, to separate hypocrites from believers- Allah included a bunch of stuff telling you that disbelievers are bad and to attack them. Maybe it’s to see who rejects that, to send them to Paradise, and to see who decides to act on it, to send them to Hell.
There is plenty of evidence that this is true in Gaza right now. Why would Allah punish them unless they were bad? They have relentlessly attacked Israel for years. Maybe this is Allah’s punishment.
Also, you are free to associate with disbelievers, at any time and place, whatever they’re saying at the time. You can date and intermarry with disbelievers if you like. Try not calling them disbelievers and you’ll have luck.
I also state that I am a learned scholar (college degree earned, floor-to-ceiling stacks of nonfiction books read, research published) and I am authorized to make fatwa (judgments) and to issue tafsir (commentary/interpretations on holy works).
As a warning to angry-comment-posters: you may find that I can back up with references and examples every point I’ve made! Watch out!
That being said, am I wrong about anything? Please tell me if I have anything wrong; I can only do so much research and then sweep it all together off the top of my head. Let me know. I’ll apologize if I get something wrong and perhaps adjust my thesis.

"Nasus is a mid game champion because late game Nasus gets kited and cannot deal enough damage" is not a good argument imo
Because the very same logic applies to anyone even champions with gap closer usually have no tankiness to deal with multiple cc in teamfights. You switch to someone like Jax, Irelia, Tryndamere or any toplaner you think of, if they have no flash and ghost and gets chain cc'd by at least 3 spells in a short time none of them are going to reach the adc or other squishes and damage them before being shredded down.
In side lanes a late game nasus with enough stacks could almost outduel any champion and usually win the 1v2 or 1v3 and take down turrets with just a few q. Compare to some champions Nasus may not excel in teamfights due to having a solo single target focused kit but he has a strong dueling potential and with the right runes and ghost he actually does not get kited easily as long as there aren't multiple cc being used on him (There is no way Nasus always gets focused on teamfights when your team's adc should be their main target).

Here are 2 builds for the gun I have been having a lot of fun with: - https://imgur.com/a/C4xy1Ml - https://imgur.com/a/KbF0ISo
The attached video are clips from 2 30+ kill games in solo vs quads / trios using these builds.
To be 100% clear, these are absolutely not meta builds or the best way to use this gun in Warzone. I made these loadouts based off of real-life builds for the Spear aka XM7 as I wanted to try something a bit different. I had time make a couple of tweaks to make them Warzone viable (the optics and extended mags).
The first build is based off the typical suppressed gun you see in real life, e.g.: - https://www.forbes.com/sites/erictegle2023/09/22/firing-the-armys-new-rifle--machine-gun-is-a-weighty-experience/
The second build is based on a CQB short-barreled variant called the Spear Assaulter, featured recently by Garand Thumb on YouTube: - https://images.app.goo.gl/BwUf6eL6cp6Yc4vm8
The gun is definitely not meta, but it is in a good spot right now where it is competitive and extremely easy to use (even with sub-optinal attachments). It feels very satisfying to shoot with a slow fire rate giving it a powerful feeling, and it is so accurate that it feels better than the on-paper TTK suggests.
Looks cool, feels good, easy to use, off-meta so not boring... give it a try 😁

I'm deviating away from my usual; instead of music inspiring my writing, this time, it's now theatrical representation.
I've been enjoying multiple times the short-lived Sex/Life on Netflix. I could write a book on the many lessons that I'm still learning from the show. For this piece, this is focused on the title Unattached (written by the show's character Sasha Snow). Though, in the show, this adjective was describing people in terms of their relationship status, for myself, this also refers to my current energy status.
Unattached in regard to the past means that my energy is not tied up in someone who was once a part of my life but has now gone. I'm not wishing back for an ex. I'm not pining away for someone who's already moved on with his life. I'm not wanting to rewrite history and make it like any missed opportunities, or anything gone wrong with any guy from my past was made right and that we should be together. Even more, I'm not chasing "the one who got away" ... I have been in the game of love long enough to know that there is no such thing. All men who have told me "Bye, Felicia", with their words or with their feet, were never the one to begin with.
Unattached in regard to the present moment means that my energy is not tied up in someone unavailable. I'm not spending my evenings home from work, constantly checking my phone and wondering why he's not texting. My mind is not wrapped up in why he would rather choose to text instead of call. I'm not trying to figure out way to make someone who is not interested in me ... interested. I'm not performing all sorts of gymnastics, trying to reformulate myself into what he wants or thinks I should be just to keep him from walking away. I'm not going out of my way to beg for someone to stay when I was never meant to keep him anyway. And, no, I've written off any equity from dating apps. Time wasted in endless swapping on profiles doesn't justify the cost, and I've long since learned that the men on there cannot afford the intellectual price of carrying on a simple, civil and decent conversation besides, "Hey". And for the ones that do, they're so hard up that they turn a brief conversation ~ regardless of how neutral the topic ~ into something sexual. No, thanks.
Unattached in regard to the future is an inverse of the past. My energy is not tied up into building a fantasy of someone in my mind, crafting who this unrealistic person is, and then going into the real world to see if there is any guy who can live up to it. I'm not throwing myself at any guy who gives me the bare minimum effort, basic human kindness in conversation, and letting my imagination run off into the sunset as I somehow treat this guy as if he's this manifestation of the perfect image of the perfect guy I had crafted in my mind (a part of me wonders if I have a future career working for Crown Media Productions ~ the actual team of professionals behind those cheesy Hallmark made-for-TV movies). This has saved me countless moments of unnecessary heartbreak and disappointment when I'd strike up a good conversation with a guy, believing that we're really connecting, and we don't end up connecting beyond it for whatever reason.
Now, here comes the best part ... The Power of Choice. For once in my adult life, I recognize that I have full veto power over the future partner I may welcome into my life.
Regarding the past, I execute my power of choice by refusing to allow my broken history with men and all failed relationships from the past dictate my present behavior. I'm no longer looking for "the ghosts of boyfriends past" in someone else. I'm not using any connections I may form with other guys to heal or soothe the pain left behind from guys that I can't have for whatever reason. I'm not drawn to or magnetized to certain men because they remind me of someone I used to love, or wanted, but I can't have anymore (or that I never did).
Regarding the past, I execute my power of choice by paying more careful attention to the kind of men that I attract and the behaviors from them which I choose (or not) to accept. I understand that, out of billions of guys on this planet, not every guy is going to make the cut. I may have to sort through 1,548,326 bad ones to get to the decent 274 that are out there. Out of those 274, I might be able to connect with possibly 36. And out of those 36, 13 of them make it through. And over time, that 13 dwindles down to 11, then 8, then 5, then 3, and finally, 2. And between those two, the one that's chosen should be obvious. At least, from my experience, my learning what I want with the right partner and the type of relationship I'm willing to pursue comes from learning and understanding what I don't want. And all this can be done efficiently while I'm actively not looking.
I may have already mentioned it, but the universe did send to me a very amazing message when I was getting into work this morning. There was a very well-dressed businessman who had just parked his car and was waiting for his client with a box of freshly picked donuts outside the office door. I had noticed this guy while I was parking, and I had my eye on him while I was walking from the parking lot to the front door. I did my best to play it cool, trying very hard not to stare at him, but he grabbed my attention with his "Good morning". I responded in kind. When I waited for the elevator to pick me up, I looked back at him, and he was looking right back at me. The universe could have brought this guy back my way (where I would have definitely chatted him up and possibly gotten his number if the vibe was right), but that whole interaction conveyed a much better message. When the time is right for the right guy, I will know. There won't be any mysteries to "figure out". I won't have to go out of my way to get his attention. He will be present and available for me. Our communication is thorough, clear, and we're both on the same page. Our energies will not be tied up in the past and our present will be stable and functional to where we will be able to prioritize each other. The universe knows the proper time, as well as the man involved, in which to place us together, so there is no need to hypothesize or construct any type of unrealistic scenario in my mind. When it happens, I will know.
Now going back to Sasha Snow ...
Because her book was an artistic prop in the story, she did present some good points. While I won't go into those final details here, I will close with a very fitting quote that she had shared during her presentation (and I will admit that, at the moment, the original author of the following quote is unknown to me): "I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul." And so, I set sail, at the helm, and explore new waters and navigate unchartered territory ... Unattached.
That is all.

Does anyone know how to find this one photo of a cool looking young man wearing a blue polo and white shorts sitting on a couch or lounge chair? It's sort of like those "white boys dressed like chief keef" images but he's definitely less suburban I know Rapallo has posted it probably on like his story before, and I've seen it floating around for years, just can't find it now, kinda a classic photo doesn't come up if i google "white boy dressed like chief keef"

‼️🚨‼️🚨‼️🚨EXPLANATION OF WHAT WE ARE TRYING TO DO HERE, THIS IS DUMBED DOWN TO EASY TERMS FOR EVERYONE EVEN PEOPLE WHO ARNT INTO STOCKS AND ARE HERE FOR FUN CAN UNDERSTAND TAKE 5 MINUTES THIS WEEKEND AND TRULY UNDERSTAND ALL OF THIS INFORMATION ‼️🚨‼️🚨‼️🚨 CREDIT: BIG BRAIN APE MAXIMUM PURPOSE
Please read this I copied and paste it from a super smart ape!!!!
Please read this I copied and paste it from a super smart ape!!!!
Alright lets get into it.
But before we do, I need to explain exactly what it means for a company to be "shorted" and as a response, be "short squeezed"
Ill explain in monkey speak first:
Imagine a store has a supply of 100 bananas for sale at 1.00 per banana.
Now, a certain animal (lets call this animal a bear) thinks that the cost per banana will drop from 1.00 dollar to 0.50 cents. They go to the store and they borrow 50 bananas promising to return them. The bear, now in debt to the store, sells those bananas at 1.00 each and collects 50 dollars. Then, the market price for a banana drops to 0.50, they go and buy back the 50 bananas (now at 0.50 cents) paying 25 dollars, then return them back to the person they bought them from. This relieves the bears from their debts and they pocket 25 dollars in the process.
This is the process of shorting a company. They will "Borrow" or "Short" a companies shares when they think it will drop. They sell those shares. The market price drops. Then they buy them back at a low price. Then return them to who they borrowed from and make some serious money.
Typically, this is done to companies who are not looking like they will have very much growth (i.e., GameStop in an increasingly electronic world. Or FFIE in a world where Chinese electric cars are being restricted from sales in the USA for foreign policy reasons.)
Now, a short squeeze happens when another animal (lets say a bull (or maybe an ape would actually be better)) decides that they don't really want the price of bananas to drop because they really really really really like bananas. So the ape goes to the store and buys all the available bananas as well as buying them from the bears. Now, since there's no more available, and bananas are in demand, the price rises up to 1.50, instead of dropping.
Now, the bears are in a dilemma. They need to return the bananas to the person they bought them from. If they don't, the person they borrowed from is going to start charging them late fees for every day that they don't return the bananas.
As you can imagine, the bears would be SUPER angry about this, and fight the apes tooth and nail to try to get them to sell. They will tell everyone (via the media) that the apes are bad. They will publish false information about the cost of bananas. They will try to borrow bananas from other people to make it seem like bananas arent worth anything.
BUT, if the apes hold onto their sweet, juicy bananas, then the bears cant get find any to buy even if they wanted to. So the apes eventually will say "I will give you my bananas back for a premium cost of 10 dollars. Now, the apes who bought all the bananas for 100 dollars will sell them back to get 1000 dollars instead.
Essentially, the apes can make the price whatever they want, because the bears are paying a late fee for every day that they don't return the original bananas. At some point, the late fee will become so expensive that they will pay whatever it takes to get the bananas back.
This is known as a short squeeze. And the apes can potentially make lots of money on those bananas.
Applying this to the market, if FFIE is being shorted, and you all decide you want to squeeze them. Then hold, your shares, the shorter will pay whatever it takes to get those shares returned.
Now, there are a few things that are required to make a short squeeze happen:

1. There needs to be an entity (hedge funds) who shorted the stocks, betting the price would decline. Very simple to find out as it is public information.
   
2. There needs to be an entity (You mad lads) who wants to make money off their shorts (this is a bit harder as y'all get scared of the fight back by them and sell out).
   
3. Time investment to make the hedge funds sweat about losing money on the shares they borrowed.
   

PHEW! That was tough. You did good though, Now, you are all experts on the idea behind a short squeeze.
Lets see if FFIE has the requirements needed to begin a short squeeze:

1. The shorts. On April 30th, and in my Last Post , I showed an image that the company FFIE was absolutely being shorted. In fact, 98% of the total shares of the company were being shorted. So yes, FFIE met requirement number 1.

Now, there has been ALOT of debate regarding the current number of shorts. And I'll help resolve WHY this debate has been ongoing. I believe that much of this debate lies in the differences between the terms "short volume" and "Short interest"
Many have been screaming that the short interest of a company is only posted every 2 weeks. Which is absolutely true.
Others have been posting that the shorted volume of FFIE is at VERY high numbers. Which is also true.
For those that don't understand the market, the short interest and short volume are interchangable. That is why so many of you have been so confused.
Im here to tell you, THEY ARE NOT THE SAME.
There are very clear differences between the two numbers and their reliability, in terms of a squeeze is extremely different. Ill try to make it simple for you and put your questions and confusions to bed.
STRAP IN! THIS IS TOTALLY NOT GOING TO BE BORING!
Official definition online for short interest from the fintel website:
"collected by FINRA from brokers twice a month and distributed by the stock exchanges. So, twice a month all the brokedealers add up all the short positions held in all of their custodial accounts — that means yours, mine, and all the hedge funds — and send the totals to FINRA."
Yawn am I right?
Yeah that was literally ctrl. C then ctrl . V onto this text. Doesn't seem too intuitive does it.
What the heck does this mean? Ape speak please?
The short Interest is the number of shares shorted by all of the different hedge funds. It is a comprehensive list of all the numbers of the total number of short shares.
However, it only represents a snapshot in time. Typically, it is a snapshot in time from the day that it is required to be reported. The most recent numbers came on today (5/24).
In general, this number can be manipulated. Think of it like taking a picture. Because that number is based on a snapshot in time, and hedge funds know when the picture will be taken, they can hide the number of shorted shares during the picture, and then once the camera takes its picture, they go back to normal. It is a way that the bears can lie about the fact that they borrowed shares.
Official definition online for short VOLUME from the FINTEL website:
the accumulated trades published to the consolidated tape. Every trade that is made is published in real time to the tape. At the end of the trading day, every trading venue publishes their volume numbers, which includes both Short Volume and Total Volume.
Jesus. That was a difficult read. Are you still awake?
Okay again. Super easy to understand. Right? Right? Yeah not so much. I hate the technical terminology used but I guess I can explain.
The short VOLUME is is a more accurate measure of how a particular stock is being shorted. I think of it more like a video tape. It is a collection of all shorting trades made, and is posted every day. It is a lot of information to sort through, but the numbers speak VOLUMES to the efficiency of a possible squeeze (haha volume. Get it?)
In the end, if the VOLUME of shorted shares remains high, then the company is relying on the price of the stock to decline, or trying to hold out when a squeeze is happening in the hopes that the price of the shares drop again. This is the number we care about. This number is COMPREHENSIVE of all shorted stocks (including off-exchange/darkpool numbers and retail shorts)
DONT WORRY ILL EXPLAIN WHAT OFF EXCHANGE/DARK POOL IS LATER
Here is another explanation in terms a dumb ape would understand:
Okay so using the previous "APE vs BEAR banana in supermarket example"
Lets start where the Apes have purchased all the bananas and we think the bears have shorted banana sales.
So, lets imagine that the laws require that the Bears post publicly exactly how many bananas they borrowed from the lender. They are required to post this information every 2 weeks. They know they have to post soon. Therefore, to scare the apes into thinking they aren't actually squeezing, they take their picture of their borrowed bananas and post it. In the picture (since they had time to organize their efforts) it shows that they, in fact, didn't borrow any bananas. Now the apes would be panicked right? They have all these bananas for no reason. But a SMART ape would understand that they could use that photo to manipulate us. They obviously just quickly hid the fact that they borrowed bananas for the picture. The bears used the required "short interest picture" to scare you all into thinking your bananas were worthless, and encourage you to sell them.
Instead, its better to look at the security footage of the bears hiding their borrowed banana receipts. We'd be able to catch them red handed! Thus, we look at the "short volume" of bananas. The problem is, each bear individually posts their volume every day, and doesn't compile it in one clear video for us. Why would they? The more we know, the more we can charge for our bananas.
Plus, there are also dozens (if not hundreds) of bears all posting, accurate, but misleading, numbers. They make a united effort to throw as many confusing, and non-relevant videos into the mix to divert our attention.
This is EXACTLY what you have seen posted all week. Various people posting different volume numbers. And while each volume number they posted is accurate, they are only a partial truth.
FREE BANANA TO ANYONE WHO CAN TELL ME WHERE WE GET THE COMPILED, ACCUATE DATA.
.
.
.
.
Well, with the report of the "snapshot" that is released every 2 weeks, we also get another bit of information. The total number of exchanged shorts "off exchange."
Are you still following? This is where it gets even more confusing.
With the report, FINTEL also publishes a number known as the "off exchange short volume"
This number is the most accurate number to describe how many shares of a stock are currently being shorted. As we learned above, the "short interest" isn't reliable as the bears can hide their numbers during the picture.
However, at some point, some smart person (probably being super angry at how the bears could lie using short interest pictures) made a law that requires them disclose the number of currently exchanged "off market/dark pool" exchanges that were made.
An off market exchange is what happens when a bear decides to trade with another bear out of the public eye.
Why would they do this?
Back to our "ape speak" example
Okay so the bears know that they have their upcoming (2-week) picture that gets released. They want to make it seem like they don't have any owed bananas.
What do they do? How can they just lie for a picture?
The answer is in off market exchanges. You see, the bears found out that they can trade their shorts WITH EACHOTHER.
So for the picture, Mr. Black bear gives all his receipts to the polar bear. Then, when the Mr. Polar bear takes his photo, he gives them to Mr. Black bear (since he already took his photo).
These off market exchanges tend to SKYROCKET during a few times. One of which, is when hedge funds try to hide how much of an investment they have in their shorted shares.
So, over the next few days, we will see many people posting "OMG THEY ARENT EVEN SHORTING BECAUSE THE SHORT INTEREST IS DOWN FROM LAST POST"
Well, of course its lower. The last posted information, the hedge funds didn't know they would be squeezed. Therefore, they didn't feel the need to hide the short interest. Now, they need to hide it to scare you. So they create fear by lowering that number. But when that short interest number goes down, and off exchange goes up, it means they are still holding shorts, but just covering it up for their short interest reports.
Okay, so lets look at these numbers and see what it means for squeezers.
LONG STORY SHORT, THEY HAVE NOT NOT RETURNED THEIR SHORTS. They are simply trying to manipulate us into believing that they did.
In fact, they went from 36 million shorts UP to 64 million shorts (likely a bit less as this number includes transfers of shorts both ways).
But still, they have hope. Let's strip it away from them and make it KNOWN that they are manipulating. Time to HOLD and TIME TO BUY.
When you hold/buy shares, then the second requirement and third requirement for the squeeze are in our hands entirely.
Now, I know there's alot more to say, but I know people are waiting for my post so Im going to cut it short here. Ill make another post this weekend regarding the specific trading patterns we saw on the day-to-day that imply that the bears were trying to make us panic sell our shares.
Good Luck everyone. DMs are open for questions and corrections that might be needed.
With love,
MP- guardian APE

PLAYBOY Interview With Conan O'Brien Interview by Kevin Cook For Playboy Magazine February 1998
A candid conversation with the preppie prince of "Late Night" about his rocky start, his show's secret one-day cancellation and how David Letterman saved the day.
He was polite. He was funny. He gave us a communicable disease.
At 34 Conan O'Brien is hotter than the fever he was running when we met in his private domain above the "Late Night" sound stage. A gangly freckle-faced ex-high school geek he is "one of TV's hottest properties" according to "People" magazine. The host of "Late Night With Conan O'Brien" has become his generation's king of comedy.
Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. Congested too, but O'Brien has far more to worry about than his head cold. A perfectionist who broods over one bad minute in an otherwise perfect hour of TV, he worries he might be anhedonic, "I have trouble with success," he says, "I was raised to believe that if something good happens something bad is coming." Sure things look good now "Rolling Stone" calls "Late Night" "the hottest comedy show on TV." Ratings are better than ever, particularly among 18- to 34-year-olds, the viewers advertisers crave.
But O'Brien only works harder. Despite his illness he taped two shows in 26 hours on three hours' sleep. He smoothly interviewed Elton John then burst into coughing fits during commercials. Later in his crammed corner office overlooking Manhattan traffic Conan the Cool gulped Dayquil gel caps. He coughed spewing microbes.
"Sorry, sorry," he said. Of course O'Brien can't complain. He came seriously close to falling to being banished behind the scenes as just another failed talk show host.
At his first "Late Night" press conference he corrected a reporter who called him a relative unknown, "Sir I am a complete unknown," he said. That line got a laugh, but soon O'Brien looked doomed. His September 13, 1993 debut began with O'Brien in his dressing room preparing to hang himself only to be interrupted by the start of his show. Before long his career was hanging by a thread. Ratings were terrible. Critics hated the show. Tom Shales of "The Washington Post" called it as "lifeless and messy as roadkill." Shales said O'Brien should quit.
Network officials held urgent meetings discussing the Conan O'Brien debacle. Should they fire him? How should they explain their mistake?
In the end of course he turned it around. The network hung with him long enough for the ratings to improve and the host of the cooler-than-ever "Late Night" now defines comedy's cutting edge just as Letterman did ten years ago.
Even Shales loves "Late Night" these days. He calls O'Brien's turnaround "one of the most amazing transformations in television history."
O'Brien was born on April 18, 1963 in Brookline, Massachusetts. His father, a doctor, is a professor at Harvard Medical School. His mother, a lawyer, is a partner at an elite Boston Law firm. Conan, the third of six children became a lector at church and a misfit at school. Tall and goofy, bedeviled with acne, he tried to impress girls with jokes. That plan usually bombed, but O'Brien eventually found his niche at Harvard where he won the presidency of the "Harvard Lampoon" in 1983 and again in 1984 - the first two-time "Lampoon" president since humorist Robert Benchley held the honor 85 years ago.
After graduating magna cum laude with a double major in literature and American history he turned pro. Writing for HBO's "Not Necessarily The News." O'Brien was earning $100,000 a year before his 24th birthday. But writing was never enough.
He honed his performance skills with the Groundlings, a Los Angeles improv group. There he worked with his onetime girlfriend Lisa Kudrow, now starring on "Friends." But Conan was not such a standout. In 1988 he landed a job at "Saturday Night Live" - but as a writer, not as on-air talent. In almost four years on the show O'Brien made only fleeting appearances, usually as a crowd member or security guard. His writing was more memorable. He wrote (or co-wrote) Tom hanks' "Mr Short-Term Memory" skits as well as the "pump you up" infosatire of Hanz and Franz and the nude beach sketch in which Matthew Broderick and "SNL" members played nudists admiring one another's penises. With dozens of mentions of the word that hit was the most penis-heavy moment in TV history. It helped O'Brien win an Emmy for comedy writing.
In 1991 he quit "SNL" and moved on to "The Simpsons" where he worked for two years. His urge to perform came out in wall-bouncing antics in writers' meetings. "Conan makes you fall out of your chair" said "Simpsons" creator Matt Groening. O'Brien's yen to act out was so strong that he spurned Fox's reported seven-figure offer to continue as a writer. He was driving for the spotlight.
By then David Letterman had announced he was turning shin - leaving NBC taking his ton-rated act to CBS. Suddenly NBC was up a creek without a host. The network turned to Lorne Michaels, O'Brien's "Saturday Night Live" boss. Michaels enlisted Conan's help in the host search planning to use him in a behind-the-scenes job. But when Garry Shandling, Dana Carvey and almost every other star turned down the chore of following Letterman, Michaels finally listened to Conan's crazy suggestion, "Let me do it!" Michaels persuaded the network to entrust it's 12:30 slot which Letterman had turned into a gold mine to an untested wiseass from Harvard.
O'Brien was working on one of his last "Simpsons" episodes when he got the news. He turned "paler than usual," Groening recalled. The Conan moseyed back to where the other writers were working, "I'll come back with the Homer Simspon joke later. I have to go replace Letterman," he said.
NBC executives now get credit for their foresight during those dark days of 1993 and 1994. They snared the axe and now reap the multimillion-dollar spoils of that decision. In fact, the story is not so simple. We sent Contributing Editor Kevin Cook to unravel the tale of O'Brien's survival, which he tells here for the first time. Cook reports:
"His office is chock-full of significa. There's a three-foot plastic pickle the Letterman staff left behind in 1993 - perhaps to suggest what a predicament he was in. There's a copy of Jack Paar's 'I Kid You Not' and a coffee-table book called 'Saturday Night Live: The First 20 Years.' His bulletin board features letters from fans such as John Watters and Bob Dole and an 8" x 10" glossy of Andy Richter with the inscription: "To Conan - Your bitter jealousy warms my black heart. Love and Kisses Andy."
"Of course it's all for show. From the photos of kitch icons Adam West and Robert Stack to the framed Stan Laurel autograph, from the deathbed painting of Abraham Lincoln, to the ironic star taped to Conan's door - they're all clever signals that tell a visitor how to view the star. Lincoln was his collegiate preoccupation: stardom is his occupation. Somewhere between the two I hoped to find the real O'Brien.
"As a Playboy reader he wanted to give me a better-than-average interview. I wanted something more - a definitive look at the guy who may end up being the Johnny Carson of his generation."
"Here's hoping we succeeded. If not I carried his germs 3000 miles and infected dozens of Californians for no good reason.
O'Brien: Yes, this is how to do a Playboy Interview -- completely tanked on cold medicine. I'll pick it up and read, "Yes, I'm gay."
Playboy: We could talk another time. O'Brien: (coughing) No, it's OK. I memorized Dennis Rodman's answers. Can I use them?
Playboy: You sound really sick. Do you ever take a day off? O'Brien: No. The age of talk show hosts taking days off is over. Johnny Carson could go to Africa when he was the only game in town -- "See you in two weeks!" But nobody does that now. I will give you a million dollars on the first day Jay takes off for illness.
Playboy: Do you ever slow down and enjoy your success? O'Brien: If anything, the pace is picking up. Restaurateurs insist on giving me a table even if I'm only passing by, so I'm eating nine meals a night. Women stop me on the street and hand me their phone numbers.
Playboy: So you have groupies? O'Brien: Oh yes. And other fans. Drifters. Prisoners. Insomniacs. Cab Drivers, who must watch a lot of late night TV, seem to love me lately. They keep saying, "You will not pay, you will not pay, you make me happy!"
Playboy: How happy did your new contract make you? O'Brien: Terrified. The network said, "We're all set for five years." I said, "Shut up, shut up! I can't think that far ahead." Tonight, for instance, I do my jokes, then interview Elton John and Tim Meadows. We finished taping about 6:30. By 6:45 my memory was erased and my only thought was, Tomorrow: John Tesh. And I started to obsess about John Tesh. Sad, don't you think?
Playboy: Not too sad. You got off to a rocky start but now you're so hot that People magazine recently said, "that was then, this is wow." O'Brien: I try not to pay much attention. Since I ignored the critics who said I should shoot myself in the head with a German Luger, it would be cheating to tear out nice reviews now and rub them all over my body, giggling. Though I have thought about it.
Playboy: Tell us about your trademark gag. You interview a photo of Bill Clinton or some other celeb, and a pair of superimposed lips provide outrageous answers. O'Brien: We call it the Clutch Cargo bit, after that terrible old cartoon series. They saved money on animation by superimposing real lips on the cartoons. I wanted to do topical jokes in a cartoony way -- not just Conan doing quips at a desk. TV is visual; I want things to look funny. But we're not Saturday Night Live; we couldn't spend $100,000 on it. Hence, the cheap, cheesy lips, You'd be surprised how many people we fool.
Playboy: Viewers believe that's really the president yelling, "Yee-haw! Who's got a joint?" O'Brien: It's strange. You may know intellectually that Clinton doesn't talk like Foghorn Leghorn. Ninety-eight percent of your brain knows the president wouldn't say, "Whoa Conan get a load of that girl!" But there are a few brain cells that aren't sure. When Bob Dole was running for president we had him doing a past-life regression: "My cave, get away." And then back further, "Must form flippers to crawl on to rocky soil," he says. There may be people out there who believe that Bob Dole was the first amphibian.
Playboy: Do you ever go too far? O'Brien: The fun is in going too far. It's a nice device because you get Bill Clinton to do the nastiest Bill Clinton jokes. We'll have Clinton making fart noises while I say "Sir! Please!"
Playboy: Are you enjoying your job now, with your new success? O'Brien: Well, there are surprises. I hate surprises. Like most comics, I'm a control freak. But I am learning that the show works best when things are out of control. Tonight I ask Elton John if he likes being neighbors with Joan Collins. He says he isn't neighbors with Joan Collins. He lives next door to Tina Turner. So I panic -- huge mistake! But Elton saves the day. "Joan Collins, Tina Turner, it doesn't matter. Either way I could borrow a wig," he says. Huge laugh, all because I fucked up. Later he surprised me by blurting out that he's hung like a horse. The camera cuts to me shaking my head: That crazy Elton. What can I do? Of course, I'm delighted that he went too far.
Playboy: That "What can I do?" look resembles a classic take of Jack Benny's. O'Brien: There's an old saying in literature: "Good poets borrow; great poets steal." I think T.S. Eliot stole it from Ezra Pound. Comics steal, too. Constantly. When I watched Johnny Carson, I noticed that he got a few takes from Benny and Bob Hope. When a comedy writer told me how much Woody Allen had borrowed from Hope, I thought, What? They're nothing alike. Then I went back and watched Son of Paleface, and there's Hope, the nervous city guy backing up on his heels, wringing his hands and saying, "Sorry, I'll just be moving along." Now look at early Woody Allen. You see big authority figures and Woody nervously saying, "Look, I'll just be on my way." Of course Woody made it his own, but he must have watched and loved Bob Hope.
Playboy: Who are your role models? O'Brien: Carson. Woody Allen. SCTV. Peter Sellers. When Peter Sellers died I felt such a loss, thinking, There won't be anymore of that. There's some Steve Martin in my false bravado with female guests: "Why, hel-lo there!" And I won't deny having some Letterman in my bones.
Playboy: You were surprise as Letterman's successor. At first you seemed like the wrong choice. O'Brien: I didn't get ratings. That doesn't mean I didn't get laughs. Yes, I had a giant pompadour and I looked like a rockabilly freak. I was too excited, pushed too hard, and people said, "That guy isn't a polished performer." Fine! But it isn't my goal to be Joe Handsomehead cool, smooth talk show host. Late Night with Conan O'Brien is supposed to be a work in progress, and now that we've had some success there's a danger of our getting too polished and morphing into something smoothly professional. Which would suck.
Do you know why I wanted this show? Because Late Night with David Letterman played with the rules and it looked like fun. Here was a place where people did risky comedy every night for millions of people. We had to keep this thing alive. There should be a place on a big network where people are still messing around.
Playboy: How bad were your early days on the show? O'Brien: Bad. Dave left here under a cloud: his fans and the media were angry with NBC. Then NBC picks a guy with crazy hair and a weird name. And the world says, "Harvard? Those guys are assholes." I sincerely hope that the winter of December 1993, our first winter, was the worst time I will ever have. I'd go out to do the warm up and the back two rows of seats would be empty. That's hard to look at. I would tell a joke and then hear someone whisper, "Who's he? Where's Dave?"
Playboy: You had trouble getting guests. O'Brien: Bob Denver canceled on us. We shot a test show with Al Lewis of The Munsters. We did the clutch cargo thing with a photo of Herman Munster. Unfortunately, Fred Gwynne, who played Herman, had recently died, and Al Lewis kept pointing at the screen, saying, "You're dead! I was at your funeral!"
Playboy: For months you got worried notes from network executives. What did they say? O'Brien: They were worried. The fact that Lorne Michaels was involved bought me some time. But Lorne had turned to me at the start and said, "OK, Conan. What do you want to do?" Now television critics were after me and the network was starting to realize what a risk I was. Suggestions came fast and furious. I kept the note that said, "Why don't you just die?"
Playboy: Did they suggest ways to be funnier? O'Brien: They were more specific and tactical. The network gets very specific data. Say there was a drop in ratings between 12:44 and 12:48 when I was talking to Jon Bon Jovi. I'll be told, "Don't ever talk to him again" Or they'll want me to tease viewers into staying with us: "You should tease that -- say, 'We'll have nudity coming up next!'"
Playboy: You did come close to being cancelled. O'Brien: We were cancelled.
Playboy: Really? You have never admitted that. O'Brien: This is the first time I've talked about it. When I had been on for about a year, there was a meeting at the network. They decided to cancel my show. They said, "It's cancelled." Next day they realized they had nothing to put in the 12:30 slot, so we got a reprieve.
Playboy: Were you worried sick? O'Brien: I went into denial. I tried hard not to think, Yes, I'm bad on the air and my show has none of the things a TV show needs to survive. We had no ratings. No critics in our corner. Advertisers didn't like us. Affiliates wanted to drop us. Sometimes I'd meet a programming director from a local station where we had no rating at all. The guy would show me a printout with no number for Late Night's rating, just a hash mark or pound sign. I didn't dare think about that when I went out to do the show.
Playboy: Are you defending denial? O'Brien: How else does anyone get through a terrible experience? The odds were against me. Rationally, I didn't have much chance. Denial was my only friend. When I look back on the first year, it's like a scene from an old war movie: Ordinary guy gets thrown into combat, somehow beats impossible odds, staggers to safety. His buddy say, "You could have been killed!" The guy stops and thinks. "Could have been killed?" he says. His eyes cross and he faints.
Playboy: How did you dodge the bullet? O'Brien: There were people at NBC who stood up for me. I will always be indebted to Don Ohlmeyer, who stuck to his guns. Don said, "We chose this guy. We should stick with him unless we get a better plan." He was brutally honest. He came to me and said, "Give me about a 15 percent bump in the ratings and you'll stay on the air. If not, we're going to move on."
Playboy: Ohlmeyer started his career in the sports division. O'Brien: Exactly, his take was, "You're on our team." Of course, it wasn't exactly rational of Don to hope I'd be 15 percent funnier. It was like telling a farmer, "It better rain this week or we'll take your farm away."
Playboy: What did you say to Ohlmeyer? O'Brien: There wasn't time. I had to go out and do a monologue. But I will always be indebted to Don because he told me the truth. Wait a minute -- you have tricked me into talking lovingly about an NBC executive. Let me say that there were others who were beneath contempt -- executives who wouldn't know a good show if it swam up their asses and lit a campfire.
Playboy: Finally the ratings went your way. Hard work rewarded? O'Brien: Well, I also paid off the Nielsen people. That was $140,000 well spent.
Playboy: Ohlmeyer plus bribery saved you? O'Brien: There was something else. Just when everyone was kicking the crap out of the show, Letterman defended me.
Playboy: Letterman had signed off on NBC saying, "I don't really know Conan O'Brien, but I heard he killed someone." O'Brien: Then I pick up the paper and he's saying he thinks I am going to make it. "They do some interesting, innovative stuff over there," he says. "I think Conan will prevail." And then he came on as a guest. Remember, this was when we were at our nadir. There was no Machiavellian reason for David Letterman, who at the time was the biggest thing in show business, to be on my show.
Playboy: Why did he do it? O'Brien: I'm still not sure. Maybe out of a sense of honor. Fair play. And it woke me up. It made me think. Hey, we have a real fucking television show here.
Of six or seven pivotal points in my short history here, that was the first and maybe the biggest. I wouldn't be sitting here -- I probably wouldn't even exist today -- if he hadn't done our show.
Playboy: The Late Night wars were hardly noted for friendly gestures. O'Brien: How little you understand. Jay, Dave and I pal around all the time. We often ride a bicycle built for three up to the country. "Nice job with Fran Drescher!" "Thanks, pal. You weren't so bad with John Tesh." We sleep in triple-decker bunk beds and snore in unison like the Three Stooges.
Playboy: You talk more about Letterman than your NBC teammate Leno. O'Brien: I hate the "Leno or Letterman, who's better?" question. I can tell you that Jay has been great to me. He calls me occasionally.
Playboy: To say what? O'Brien: (Doing Leno's voice) "Hey, liked that bit you did last night." Or he'll say he saw we got a good rating. I call him at work, too. It can be a strange conversation because we're so different. Jay, for instance, really loves cars. He's got antique cars with kerosene lanterns, cars that run on peat moss. He'll be telling me about some classic car he has, made entirely of brass and leather, and I'll say, "Yeah, man, I got the Taurus with the vinyl." One thing we have in common is bad guests. There are certain actors, celebrities with nothing to say, who move through the talk show world wreaking havoc. They lay waste to Dave's town and Jay's town, then head my way.
Playboy: You must be getting some good guests. Your ratings have shown a marked improvement. O'Brien: Remember, when you're on at 12:30 the Nielsens are based on 80 people. My ratings drop if one person has a head cold and goes to bed early.
Playboy: Actually, you're seen by about 3 million people a night. Your ratings would be even higher if college dorms weren't excluded from the Nielsens. How many points does that cost you? O'Brien: I told you I'm an idiot. Now I have to do math too?
Playboy: Do you still get suggestions from NBC executives? O'Brien: Not as many. The number of notes you get is inversely proportional to your ratings.
Playboy: What keeps you motivated? O'Brien: Superstition. We have a stagehand, Bobby Bowman, who holds up the curtain when I run out for the monologue. He is the last person I see before the show starts, and I have to make him laugh before I go out. It started with mild jabs: "Bobby, you're drunk again." Bobby laughs, "Heehee."" Then it was, "Still having trouble with the wife, Bobby?" But after hundreds of shows, you find yourself running out of lines. It's gotten to where I do crass things at the last second. I'll put his hand on my ass and yell, "You fucking pervert!" Or drop to my knees and say, "Come on, Bobby, I'll give you a blow job!"
"Ha-ha. Conan, you're crazy," he says. But even that stuff wears off. Soon, I'll be making the writers work late to give me new jokes for Bobby.
Playboy: Did you plan to be a talk show host or did you fall into the job? O'Brien: I was an Irish Catholic kid from St. Ignatius parish in Brookline, outside of Boston. And that meant: Don't call attention to yourself. Don't ask for too much when the pie comes around. Don't get a girl pregnant and fuck up your life.
Playboy: Were you an alter boy? O'Brien: I wanted to be an alter boy, but the priest at St. Ignatius said, "No, no. You're good on your feet, kid," and made me a lector. A scripture reader at Mass. He was the one who spotted my talent.
Playboy: What did you think of sex in those days? O'Brien: I was sexually repressed. At 16 I still thought human reproduction was by mitosis.
Playboy: How did you get over your sexual repression? O'Brien: Who says I got over it? My leg has been jiggling this whole time.
Playboy: What were you like in high school? O'Brien: Like a crane galumphing down the hall. A crane with weird hair, bad skin and Clearasil. Big enough for basketball but lousy at it. My older brothers were better. I would compensate by running around the court doing comedy, saying, "Look out, this player has a drug addiction. He's incredibly egotistical."
I was an asshole at home, too. My little brother Justin loved playing cops and robbers, but I kept tying him up with bureaucratic bullshit. When he'd catch me, I'd say, "I get to call my lawyer." Then it was, "OK, Justin, we're at trial and you've been charged with illegal arrest. Fill out these forms in triplicate." Justin was eight; he hated all the lawsuits and countersuits. He just cried.
Playboy: Were you a class clown? O'Brien: Never. I was never someone who walked into a room full of strangers and started telling jokes. You had to get to know me before I could make you laugh. The same thing happened with Late Night. I needed to get the right rhythm with Andy and Max and the audience.
Playboy: So how did you finally learn about sex? O'Brien: My parents gave me a book, but it was useless. At the crucial moment, all it showed was a man and a woman with the bed covers pulled up to their chins. I tried to find out more from friends, but it didn't help. One childhood friend told me it was like parking a car in a garage. I kept worrying about poisonous fumes. What if the fumes build up? Should you shut off the engine?
Playboy: For all your talk about being repressed, you can be rowdy on the air. O'Brien: The show is my escape valve. When I tear off my shirt and gyrate my pelvis like Robert Plant, feigning orgasm into the microphone, that shows how repressed I am -- a guy who wants to push his sex at the lens but can only do it as a joke.
Playboy: Aren't you tempted to live it up? O'Brien: I always imagined that if I were a TV star I would live the way I pictured Johnny Carson living. Carousing, stepping out of a limo wearing a velvet ascot with a model on my arm. Now that I have the TV show, I drive up to Connecticut on the weekends and tool around in my car. I could probably join a free-sex cult, smoke crack between orgies and drive sports cars into swimming pools, and my Catholic guilt would still be there, throbbing like a toothache. Be careful. If something good happens, something bad is on the way.
Playboy: Yet you don't mind licking the supermodels. O'Brien: At one point a few of them lived in my building, women who are so beautiful they almost look weird, like aliens. To me, a woman who has a certain approachable amount of beauty becomes almost funny. It's the same with male supermodels. They look like big puppets. So while I admire their beauty I probably won't be "romantically linked" with a model. I'd catch my reflection in a ballroom mirror and break up laughing.
Playboy: The horny Roy Orbison growl you use on gorgeous guests sounds real enough -- O'Brien: Oh, I've been doing that shit since high school. It just never worked before.
Playboy: Your father is a doctor, your mother an attorney. What do they think of their son the comedian? O'Brien: My dad was the one who told me denial was a virtue. "Denial is how people get through horrible things," he said. He also cut out a newspaper article in which I said I was making money off something for which I should probably be treated. So true, he thought. But when I got an Emmy for helping write Saturday Night Live, my parents put it on the mantel next to the crucifix. Here's Jesus looking over, saying, "Wow, I saved mankind from sin, but I wish I had an Emmy."
Playboy: Ever been in therapy? O'Brien: Yes. I don't trust it. I have told therapists that I don't particularly want to feel good. "Repression and fear, that's my fuel." But the therapists said that I had nothing to worry about. "Don't worry Conan you will always be plenty fucked up."
Playboy: When a female guest comes out, how do you know whether to shake her hand or kiss her? Is that rehearsed O'Brien: No, and it's awkward. If you go to shake her hand and her head starts coming right at you, you have to change strategy fast. I have thought about using the show to make women kiss me, but that would probably creep out the people at home. I decided not to kiss Elton John.
Playboy: Do you get all fired up if Cindy Crawford or Rebecca Romijn does the show? O'Brien: I like making women laugh. Always have, ever since I discovered you can get girls' attention by acting like an ass. That's one of the joys of the show -- I'm working my eyebrows and going grrr and she's laughing, the audience is laughing. It's all a big put-on and I'm thinking. This is great. Here is a beautiful woman who has no choice but to put up with this shit.
But it's not always put on. Sometimes they flirt back. Sometimes there's a bit of chemistry. That happened with Jennifer Connelly of The Rocketeer.
Playboy: One guest, Jill Hennessy, took off her pants for you. Then you removed yours. Even Penn and Teller took off their pants. O'Brien: Something comes over me. It happened with Rebecca Romijn -- I was practically climbing her. Those are the times when Andy and the audience seem to disappear and it's just me and this lovely woman sitting there flirting. I keep expecting a waiter to say, "More wine, Monsieur?"
Playboy: Would you lick the wine bottle? O'Brien: It's true, there's a lot of licking on the show. I have licked guests. I have licked Andy. Comedy professionals will read this and say, "Great work, Conan. Impressive." But I have learned that if you lick a guest, people laugh. If I pick this shoe off the floor, examine it, Hmmm, and then lick it, people laugh. I learned this lesson on The Simpsons, where I was the writer who was forever trying to entertain the other writers. I still try desperately to make our writers laugh, which is probably a sign of sickness since they work for me now. Licking is one of those things that look funny.
Playboy: Johnny Carson never licked Ed McMahon. O'Brien: We are much more physical and more stupid than the old Tonight Show. Even in our offices before the show there's always some writer acting out a scene crashing his head through my door. A behind-the-scenes look at our show might frighten people.
Playboy: One night you showed a doctored photo of Craig T. Nelson having sex with Jerry Van Dyke. Did they complain about it? O'Brien: I haven't heard from them. Of course I'm blessed not to be a part of the celebrity pond. I have a television show in New York, an NBC outpost. I don't run with or even run into many Hollywood people.
Playboy: You also announced that Tori Spelling has a penis. O'Brien: I did not. Polly the Peacock said that.
Playboy: Another character you use to say the outrageous stuff. O'Brien: Polly is not popular with the network.
Playboy: You mock Fabio, too. O'Brien: If he sues me, it'll be the best thing that ever happened. A publicity bonanza: Courtroom sketches of Fabio with his man-boobs quivering, shaking his fist, and me shouting at him across the courtroom. I'm not afraid of Fabio. He knows where to find me. I'm saying it right here for the record: Fabio, let's get it on.
Playboy: Ever have a run-in with an angry celeb? O'Brien: I did a Kelsey Grammar joke a few years ago, something about his interesting lifestyle, then heard through the network that he was upset. He had appeared on my show and expected some support. At this point my intellect says, "Kelsey Grammar is a public figure. I was in the right." Then I saw him in an airport. Kelsey didn't see me at first: I could have kept walking. But there he was, eating a cruller in the airport lounge. I thought I should go over. I said hello and then said, "Kelsey, I'm sorry if I upset you." And he was glad. He looked relieved. He said, "Oh, that's OK." We both felt better.
....See my other post with the last third of the interview