Male fungal infection scrotum

Just lost my 10 year old German shepherd mix today she was the sweetest dog ever. She suffered from chronic ear infections and loved to swim especially around this time of year every time I let her outside to the back yard she would always jump in the pool.she hated the vet very much 😂 like most German shepherds but wouldn’t try to bite just growl at the vet. Today was just like any other day I let my dogs out to go to the bathroom and get some sun and I’ll leave them out there for a hour or 2 so they tire themselves out before dinner and I had a feeling after a hour or so and I just brush it off and answered a phone call and got distracted and ignored the feeling after wards that feeling came again and I went outside and called my dogs in and my male dog came inside but my sweet lulu didn’t come I thought she was probably napping by the pool or her usual outdoor napping stops but nothing then I found her tucked between the shed and garden beds breathing very slowly and her stomach was bloated and very hard then the panic set in I tried to get her to move but she wouldn’t she gave me a couple of kisses and she had this look in her eyes I called my family out and I called the vet in a panic all while I’ll was getting ready to take her my aunt was comforting my lulu and she said it’s ok sweet girl if it’s to painful you can go and my sweet lulu took her final breath in my aunts arms. If I just gone outside the first time maybe just maybe she still be here
Goodbye my sweet lulu I’m so sorry you had to pass in so much pain you were the best friend a girl could have.❤️

A Novel Species: Entries from Dr. Marshall
WARNING: THIS DOCUMENT IS CLASSIFIED AND PROPERTY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF FISH AND WILDLIFE. IT IS A FEDERAL CRIME TO VIEW OR REPRODUCE ANY OF ITS CONTENTS WITHOUT PROPER AUTHORIZATION. QUALIFIED PERSONNEL ONLY.
Dr. Marshall, June 8th, 2012 -
Begin journal:
Hanging back at the ranger station today, seems like it should be a nice weekend. Weather cleared up after that long ass winter and the snows about cleared up. We’ve been tasked with monitoring this herd of elk moving through the area. I guess they’ve been displaying some “anomalous” behavior, approaching tourists seemingly unaware or unafraid of the potential danger. Odd but not unlike anything we’ve seen before. I’ve had Tim Dog posted up in the hunter’s perch for a few hours watching em. Gonna go radio for a report pretty soon. Other than that not much going on out here. Just the wind rustling in the pines and my good old girl Taby. She’s such a sweet dog :)
End of Entry #1
Dr. Marshall, June 10th, 2012
Entry: Something strange is going on here. Tim is back but with some interesting news. He spent another day up there monitoring the herd, but…. Something’s off. He used the Elk call we gave him and it worked, but it seems it might’ve worked a bit too well. Soon as the herd showed up, they just…. watched him. For hours. He was too scared to climb back down so he radio’d for a couple rangers. Rangers came and tried scaring em off, but the Elk wouldn’t budge. They just stood there, staring at him. In my 25 years of doing this I’ve never once seen Elk behave this way. Our current hypothesis is some kind of infection, but so far there just isn’t enough to say. I don’t like this. Not one bit. We’re gonna try to take samples from the Elk in hopes of finding out what in God’s name is going on out here.
End of Entry #2
Dr. Marshall, June 13th, 2012
Entry: Well it’s official - something is going on. We took samples of blood and urine from the Elk to be analyzed back at the lab in Sac. One of the rangers spotted what looked like some kind of tick or parasite latched onto one of the Elk. But when he tried to remove the Elk went berserk. Smacked him up badly and he had to go to the medic. We got a closer look after isolating one of em and it seems to track. We found a small, worm-like creature attached just beneath the haunch, tucked in the skin between the abdomen and the haunch of the Elk. It was half burrowed inside and didn’t seem to respond to any physical contact, but when we went for removal, the Elk started acting up again. So we latched it down and tried tranquilizing it. No dice. Elk won’t go to sleep. Won’t do anything except eat and stare. There is no way we’re dealing with some novel species. The hell is going on here? A larva that infects Elk—in North America none the less? It’s stranger than fiction. Anyway I’ve been having trouble sleeping the past few nights pondering the possibilities. In other news apparently some of the townies have been acting up lately. Man found dead out on the trail along with a few others in the same spot. Signs of predation after death. Folks been reporting hearing and witnessing strange behavior from their neighbors. The more I stay here the less I feel safe. If it weren’t for my job security I’d have left days ago. This place is starting to give me the creeps.
End of Entry #3
Dr. Marshall, June 19th, 2012
Entry: Lab reports came back. Supposedly heightened amounts of adrenaline and cortisol are present in the blood. They also found trace amounts of what seem to be tiny hairs, mycelia-like in nature. What. The. Fuck. We’ve begun postulating there could be some sort of fungal infection but this wouldn’t track with the presence of larvae in our Elk. None of it makes sense. I’m concerned we’re dealing with some sort of invasive species but I lack any explanation of what it could be. My sleep has become worse and worse over time. Lately I could swear I’m hearing shit. Thought I heard the voice of old Tim saying “Help, Help” in between strange mumblings and clickings. But when I get out of my bunk to look around—nothing. Hope I’m not losing it. I’ve heard the townies have been acting up even worse. Wandering about aimlessly in the woods. There was a bear attack just yesterday. Apparently the man sat there while the bear ate him, completely straight faced. I put in a request for transport back home to Sacramento. I’m done with this shit. I’ve seen enough. This ain’t the one for me. I know some young up and comer might want to come out here to finish my research. But I’m getting too old for this type of shit. I want to see my kids graduate.
End of Entry #4
Dr. Marshall, June 24th, 2012
This could be my last entry. I honestly don’t know. I’m to wait for transport home hopefully by July 2nd but I don’t know if I’ll make it that long. Tim is gone. He’s gone. Found dead in a cougar’s den about 10 miles away from base camp. But I swear to God I keep hearing him. I think I’ve lost my mind. There’s something in the goddamned cellar. And it’s mimicking Tim. I can hear him cry. I can hear him beg for my help. It’s real. I swear to God it’s real. I can’t get a wink of sleep and I’m counting the minutes till sun down every night. I’m scared. I want to go home. The rangers all left base camp overnight. I don’t blame them. Something’s the matter. Half the population in town has gone mad. People in droves, just wandering into the woods.
I’m going to go into the basement. I need to find out for myself what’s really going on here. Janelle, I love you. I’ll never forget that time we spent in Bora Bora after you finished your thesis. Take care of the kids. Tell Jackson his daddy loves him. Show them my catalogues. Teach them to love nature. I have to go. I love you.
Final entry.
THIS DOCUMENT IS PROPERTY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF FISH AND WILDLIFE. IF FOUND, IMMEDIATELY CONTACT THE LOCAL AUTHORITIES. REDISTRIBUTION OR RETELLING OF THE DETAILS IN THIS DOCUMENT IS A FEDERAL CRIME.

WARNING: THIS DOCUMENT IS CLASSIFIED AND PROPERTY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF FISH AND WILDLIFE. IT IS A FEDERAL CRIME TO VIEW OR REPRODUCE ANY OF ITS CONTENTS WITHOUT PROPER AUTHORIZATION. QUALIFIED PERSONNEL ONLY.
Dr. Marshall, June 8th, 2012 -
Begin journal:
Hanging back at the ranger station today, seems like it should be a nice weekend. Weather cleared up after that long ass winter and the snows about cleared up. We’ve been tasked with monitoring this herd of elk moving through the area. I guess they’ve been displaying some “anomalous” behavior, approaching tourists seemingly unaware or unafraid of the potential danger. Odd but not unlike anything we’ve seen before. I’ve had Tim Dog posted up in the hunter’s perch for a few hours watching em. Gonna go radio for a report pretty soon. Other than that not much going on out here. Just the wind rustling in the pines and my good old girl Taby. She’s such a sweet dog :)
End of Entry #1
Dr. Marshall, June 10th, 2012
Entry: Something strange is going on here. Tim is back but with some interesting news. He spent another day up there monitoring the herd, but…. Something’s off. He used the Elk call we gave him and it worked, but it seems it might’ve worked a bit too well. Soon as the herd showed up, they just…. watched him. For hours. He was too scared to climb back down so he radio’d for a couple rangers. Rangers came and tried scaring em off, but the Elk wouldn’t budge. They just stood there, staring at him. In my 25 years of doing this I’ve never once seen Elk behave this way. Our current hypothesis is some kind of infection, but so far there just isn’t enough to say. I don’t like this. Not one bit. We’re gonna try to take samples from the Elk in hopes of finding out what in God’s name is going on out here.
End of Entry #2
Dr. Marshall, June 13th, 2012
Entry: Well it’s official - something is going on. We took samples of blood and urine from the Elk to be analyzed back at the lab in Sac. One of the rangers spotted what looked like some kind of tick or parasite latched onto one of the Elk. But when he tried to remove the Elk went berserk. Smacked him up badly and he had to go to the medic. We got a closer look after isolating one of em and it seems to track. We found a small, worm-like creature attached just beneath the haunch, tucked in the skin between the abdomen and the haunch of the Elk. It was half burrowed inside and didn’t seem to respond to any physical contact, but when we went for removal, the Elk started acting up again. So we latched it down and tried tranquilizing it. No dice. Elk won’t go to sleep. Won’t do anything except eat and stare. There is no way we’re dealing with some novel species. The hell is going on here? A larva that infects Elk—in North America none the less? It’s stranger than fiction. Anyway I’ve been having trouble sleeping the past few nights pondering the possibilities. In other news apparently some of the townies have been acting up lately. Man found dead out on the trail along with a few others in the same spot. Signs of predation after death. Folks been reporting hearing and witnessing strange behavior from their neighbors. The more I stay here the less I feel safe. If it weren’t for my job security I’d have left days ago. This place is starting to give me the creeps.
End of Entry #3
Dr. Marshall, June 19th, 2012
Entry: Lab reports came back. Supposedly heightened amounts of adrenaline and cortisol are present in the blood. They also found trace amounts of what seem to be tiny hairs, mycelia-like in nature. What. The. Fuck. We’ve begun postulating there could be some sort of fungal infection but this wouldn’t track with the presence of larvae in our Elk. None of it makes sense. I’m concerned we’re dealing with some sort of invasive species but I lack any explanation of what it could be. My sleep has become worse and worse over time. Lately I could swear I’m hearing shit. Thought I heard the voice of old Tim saying “Help, Help” in between strange mumblings and clickings. But when I get out of my bunk to look around—nothing. Hope I’m not losing it. I’ve heard the townies have been acting up even worse. Wandering about aimlessly in the woods. There was a bear attack just yesterday. Apparently the man sat there while the bear ate him, completely straight faced. I put in a request for transport back home to Sacramento. I’m done with this shit. I’ve seen enough. This ain’t the one for me. I know some young up and comer might want to come out here to finish my research. But I’m getting too old for this type of shit. I want to see my kids graduate.
End of Entry #4
Dr. Marshall, June 24th, 2012
This could be my last entry. I honestly don’t know. I’m to wait for transport home hopefully by July 2nd but I don’t know if I’ll make it that long. Tim is gone. He’s gone. Found dead in a cougar’s den about 10 miles away from base camp. But I swear to God I keep hearing him. I think I’ve lost my mind. There’s something in the goddamned cellar. And it’s mimicking Tim. I can hear him cry. I can hear him beg for my help. It’s real. I swear to God it’s real. I can’t get a wink of sleep and I’m counting the minutes till sun down every night. I’m scared. I want to go home. The rangers all left base camp overnight. I don’t blame them. Something’s the matter. Half the population in town has gone mad. People in droves, just wandering into the woods.
I’m going to go into the basement. I need to find out for myself what’s really going on here. Janelle, I love you. I’ll never forget that time we spent in Bora Bora after you finished your thesis. Take care of the kids. Tell Jackson his daddy loves him. Show them my catalogues. Teach them to love nature. I have to go. I love you.
Final entry.
THIS DOCUMENT IS PROPERTY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF FISH AND WILDLIFE. IF FOUND, IMMEDIATELY CONTACT THE LOCAL AUTHORITIES. REDISTRIBUTION OR RETELLING OF THE DETAILS IN THIS DOCUMENT IS A FEDERAL CRIME.

Pretty much a vent. I 19F found out i was pregnant from Boyfriend 20M quite quickly. I did one test (early) a day or two before my period was predicted, i had unsafe sex and took a plan B but obviously was already ovulating and to be fair i was being a bit young and dumb because afterwards we also had unsafe sex twice. The test was negative and i was relieved. Waiting with full hope for my period to arrive, it didn’t and a couple days after being late i took another one. I had crazy “im gonna have my period cramps” for a week now and i knew something was wrong normally when i get them its ALWAYS within two days. Suprise it’s positive.
100 emotions but also 0, i didnt take it all in. We called for an abortion appointment, she told us we were too early and needed to wait a week, we did. I was so scared, a million thoughts because it was conflicting it was the best choice but not one i wished for and I felt so much i was so overwhelmed.
Saturday, we go there fully prepared. Full on lies to my parents (they are christian and didnt know) planned the days after free. They told me it was too small (fetus) and needed to go back in a week. My boyfriend was going on a long planned holiday with his parents the next week (they also dont know). Now we scheduled for 2 weeks later. He said it’s even better because they are sure it will be big enough to remove succesfully… “successfully” but we’ll get into it.
7 weeks pregnant, the second try. I had AWFUL pregnancy symptoms, every single one nausea i couldn’t eat anything with the stress of puking and my family finding out. Horrible cramps every single day. Full alone and no one to talk to (only BF), physically and mentally suffering. Anyways we go back. Everything went super quick. Upstairs > room with other woman > i was the first one.
I was deadly scared and also have PTSD (sexually related but not by bf) which did NOT help also the Gyn was a male. They asked if i had any questions, i told them i know everything but am very scared. The gyn said to me “of course you don’t have any experience with it” which was wtf?! Very weird in my opinion. First they poke the needle 4 times before getting it right, great. I woke up hazy with the worst feeling in my life or so i thought i felt so extremely violated which probably is also partly my ptsd.
I felt relief because the symptoms like nausea disappeared. I was optimistic “the worst is the procedure” afterwards at least it’s “done”. Mentally punishing myself with shame, guilt, fantasies of what could’ve been. I know i needed to do this and it was the best choice but i was absolutely not happy about it, my mom was a teen mom so it was also a layer of understanding her pain and not hold grudges so much because she actually went through so much.
I immediately took a copper IUD. Two future apportionments. After 3 weeks checking if the abortion was successful and 6 weeks after (in total) if the IUD was placed correctly.
In these 3 weeks i was mentally at a low; no adults who i can go to, keeping it a secret, punishing myself and i need to pass all my exams otherwise i get kicked of the study and have literally no other life plan (uni psychology), the extreme guilt, mood swings well you get it. The SurgicalA was the most traumatic experience in my life the feelings of violation to my body were worse than when i got rxped. I was not a victim, this was my doing.
Here the story: physically i bled 1.5 weeks with heavy cramps they told my this was normal also considering the IUD makes it “worse”. It stopped bleeding although the cramps, mood swings everything was baaad. I got an yeast infection because of the antibiotics. Got something for that and i thought that must be it the cramps are just my IBS. 4 days later the bleeding came back in flows of none to heavy bleeding with heaaavy crampings. Clots and jelly like structured blood came out i knew something was wrong but told myself its the copper IUD.
3 weeks later check up (today) The did a pregancy test, i got called in the room and the first two words where “THE TEST WAS INSTANTLY POSITIVE” my heart SANK. “Could it be you’re pregnant again? Idk what you have been doing you should know” They did a vaginal ultrasound scan she told me it’s and incomplete surgical abortion. There’s leftover tissue she told my i was going to get heavy cramps and blood. If it’s not gone the second appointment/check up i need to do the D&C. I’m going to do the check ups at another clinic, they are not professional or helping the experience in any way. Literally died at the first words of POSITIVE PREGNANCY.
This is the worst i have ever felt. Something inside me died, the most traumatic experience in my life needs to be done again? AGAIN? I feel hopeless and extremely lonely. I am scared to death at even the possibility of going through this again. They told me maybe it’ll go away by itself but it’s been 3 weeks and the chances are really low. The cramps and bleeding are extreme, i am exhausted and a hollow shell of flesh. The school pressure is big, these 3 exams predict my future. I HAVE TO PASS. I have 0 energy and constantly need to fake how i feel with others. My BF is extremely supportive but i also feel like i’m bringing him down in this deep hole i’m sinking in. It’s been 11 weeks now of daily pain, scared he’ll get tired of me. I’m tired of me! I’m suffering physically and mentally and see no light at the end of the tunnel.
Now the reason i wrote this was to vent, but also i see none failed/incomplete surgical abortions only medical. Anyone with any advice/similar experiences? How did you and can i move forward.

My 15 year old orange male tabby has allergies that cause him to sneeze, have eye discharge and get those red lesions above his right eye, (sometimes over the left, too but not currently).
These usually respond to Benadryl but things are different this year. The lesion is healing and the sneezing has lessened.
The problem is that he's got an infection in his right eye - Green discharge from the tear duct region with swelling and an area of what appears to be an abrasion.
He is our only cat and only goes to the backyard only supervised. (We have a 13 y.o. Samoyed, but they couldn't give a rat’s ass about each other).
Normally, I would have had him to the vet today, but I've very recently became unemployed, so I hope I can get some recommendations for helping him at home first.
https://imgur.com/gallery/iQFyydU
Thank you in advance.

Started taking antibiotics last Thursday for what the doc thinks was a bacterial infection (symptoms were sore throat, sinus headache, etc.). Not strep and did not test positive for another bacteria but the antibiotics seemed to help
Anyway I feel pretty much all better now but the antibiotics are destroying my stomach. What might happen if I don’t finish the prescription? Like what is the worst case scenario? At this point I think I’m willing to risk it for my stomach’s sake. Tomorrow will be day 7, and I was prescribed a 10 day dosage
I’m a 30 year old male. 5’10” 165 pounds, athletic if that matters lol

I was diagnosed with Vulvodynia in October 2023 after I had a BV infection that was treated incorrectly with anti fungal yeast infection creams. Then I was put on BV antibiotics for 15 days and still felt zero relief. I went to my primary care and she didn't know what to do so she tried to help me get into a gynecologist but everything was a 3 month wait. I managed to get into a gynecologist who was an old male doctor and he didn't even want to test me for infection. He told me to not wear "panties" and id be fine..
About 1 month later I was still in insane pain, unable to sleep from how bad the burning was. Couldn't get out of bed for days and couldn't find a doctor who was willing to help me. I was spending hours and hours every night looking on this exact forum trying to find a solution. This was when I finally convinced my primary care to help me get into a gynecologists office that specializes in vulvo pain. (I do not recommend this place at all, MUSC)
At my first appointment they told me "it's probably your laundry detergent and take these antihistamines. Let's also put you on birth control for your PCOS!" the antihistamines did nothing to help as it wasn't an allergic reaction. they told me no infection was present even though I had the discharge, oder, and pain all still from my previous positive BV test a month prior.
I called in a week later begging for help, or something to stop the pain as it was unbearable. They told me "you have vulvodynia which you will have forever and the only form of treatment is anxiety medication" (I was already on anxiety medication so this wasn't a treatment that was helping me for vulvodynia) They mentioned they had a doctor in office who specializes in vulvodynia so they got me an appointment but it took another 2 months to see him and in the meantime they put me on steroid cream. (highly don't recommend, this stuff burned so badly and I believe caused more issues rather than healing)
This was the worst 2 months of my life waiting for this appointment, scrolling this forum, hoping to find answers. When I showed up to the gynecologist who specializes in vulva pain, I brought my dad along with me. (obviously was NOT in the room during the appointment. But was there to help me stand up for myself to doctors. Which I highly recommend bringing a partner or family member with you to help advocate) After this doctor did a swab for infection he stepped out of the room and decided to talk to my dad while I got dressed again. This doctor talked to us in his office and said "you have vulvodynia. lets put you on an SSRI for your anxiety" I was confused because I never mentioned my anxiety, and usually for Vulvodynia you treat it with SNRIs, but he told me this SSRI would cure me. I believe he believed I only had vulvodynia from anxiety or trauma, yet I KNEW something more was going on.
When I got home I went to the MyChart website to view the notes this gynecologist put in the system and he marked me as having "high PH, not enough good bacteria, + 'her mom died when she was 14 so she's suffering from trauma" I sat there dumbfounded because at the appointment he said there was "nothing wrong" yet in the chart I had high PH and not enough good bacteria. I sent him an email and I asked him "how can I fix my PH and get more good bacteria?" because high PH, not enough good bacteria, abnormal discharge AND fishy order were all BV symptoms that I had and indicate an infection. He called me the next day and told me "haha well yeah but here's the thing. Go to college, work in a lab, and if you find the answer, let me know." then "wished" me luck. My dad heard this phone call and was so upset too.
This is where I was in pain for about 7 months. The burning hurt so badly and I could never wish that on ANYONE. I ended up taking just a generic SNRI anxiety medication that focuses on nerve pain so I could find a real cure in the mean time. Here were my symptoms and here is what I did to cure my vulvodynia. (I am not a doctor and everyone is different. its all about trying new things to help!)
I did one of those vulva microbiome tests online where you send in a swab and it tells you what bacteria are there. it showed me having 85% bad bacteria and 15% good bacteria. My recent visits to the gynecologist showed me having High PH during month 1's visit, month 3's, and month 6.
!!! I treated it by giving my body what it needed to heal. I am almost 100% positive that taking Vitamin D and K2 drops daily cured my vulvodynia which I never thought was going to be possible. !!!
I was taking Vitamin D, along with my SNRI. I only took the SNRI for 1.5 months to let my nerves calm down. I still am not sure if the SNRI did anything or if it was a placebo but I continued to take it while I healed my body.
I had tried cotton underwear because I heard it helps lower risk of infections but I found them to hurt me as they were scratchier than my no-show underwear. So instead, I wore no underwear while I was home. Only loose sweatpants/sweatshorts at home. I would wear no-show underwear if I went to town in jeans so this helped minimize friction and irritation.
When I would shower, I only used a bunch of water externally until I felt like I was clean. This was hard for me to do as I was using non-scented soap externally because I couldn't stand not feeling clean. But only using water helped wash away everything that needed to be cleaned, but would leave my body's natural oils causing the area to heal. Stripping the oils with soap felt like it was causing more problems at this time.
Long story short to anyone who just wants an answer: I believe I cured my vulvodynia with Vitamin D + Vitamin K2 drops, short term SNRI, wearing no underwear when I could, avoiding clothes that would touch the area to avoid any friction, no soap and only water!
It has been almost 2 months of me feeling NO PAIN at all. I don't take the SNRI's anymore, I can wear any clothes I want, I use soap sometimes but still try to avoid it. The only thing I still do is take Vitamin D.
I have had maybe 1 flair up within the past 2 months that lasted like 3 hours but I believe it was triggered by IC bladder pain. After drinking a bunch of water and avoiding vitamin C the pain went away! If anyone has questions I'll answer any. I had zero help and only bad experiences from gynecologist's in my area. It wasn't until I cured myself that I found an amazing gynecologist who has been so sweet so I am thankful to know I'll be able to go to her if I have any issues in the future. Trust that the universe will help guide you to the answers you need. I thought I was going to be in that terrible pain forever but trust me you will find something that helps you and it may just be on a random Tuesday when you least expect it.

I got prescribed to take 2 tablets of 150mg each (300mg at once) once per week for 2 weeks for a fungal infection on my skin. I have a history of drinking moderately to heavily, as well as a genetic predisposition to higher creatinine levels.
Am I safe to do so?
25 yr old male, 5’9”, 245lbs

PLAYBOY Interview With Conan O'Brien Interview by Kevin Cook For Playboy Magazine February 1998
A candid conversation with the preppie prince of "Late Night" about his rocky start, his show's secret one-day cancellation and how David Letterman saved the day.
He was polite. He was funny. He gave us a communicable disease.
At 34 Conan O'Brien is hotter than the fever he was running when we met in his private domain above the "Late Night" sound stage. A gangly freckle-faced ex-high school geek he is "one of TV's hottest properties" according to "People" magazine. The host of "Late Night With Conan O'Brien" has become his generation's king of comedy.
Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. Congested too, but O'Brien has far more to worry about than his head cold. A perfectionist who broods over one bad minute in an otherwise perfect hour of TV, he worries he might be anhedonic, "I have trouble with success," he says, "I was raised to believe that if something good happens something bad is coming." Sure things look good now "Rolling Stone" calls "Late Night" "the hottest comedy show on TV." Ratings are better than ever, particularly among 18- to 34-year-olds, the viewers advertisers crave.
But O'Brien only works harder. Despite his illness he taped two shows in 26 hours on three hours' sleep. He smoothly interviewed Elton John then burst into coughing fits during commercials. Later in his crammed corner office overlooking Manhattan traffic Conan the Cool gulped Dayquil gel caps. He coughed spewing microbes.
"Sorry, sorry," he said. Of course O'Brien can't complain. He came seriously close to falling to being banished behind the scenes as just another failed talk show host.
At his first "Late Night" press conference he corrected a reporter who called him a relative unknown, "Sir I am a complete unknown," he said. That line got a laugh, but soon O'Brien looked doomed. His September 13, 1993 debut began with O'Brien in his dressing room preparing to hang himself only to be interrupted by the start of his show. Before long his career was hanging by a thread. Ratings were terrible. Critics hated the show. Tom Shales of "The Washington Post" called it as "lifeless and messy as roadkill." Shales said O'Brien should quit.
Network officials held urgent meetings discussing the Conan O'Brien debacle. Should they fire him? How should they explain their mistake?
In the end of course he turned it around. The network hung with him long enough for the ratings to improve and the host of the cooler-than-ever "Late Night" now defines comedy's cutting edge just as Letterman did ten years ago.
Even Shales loves "Late Night" these days. He calls O'Brien's turnaround "one of the most amazing transformations in television history."
O'Brien was born on April 18, 1963 in Brookline, Massachusetts. His father, a doctor, is a professor at Harvard Medical School. His mother, a lawyer, is a partner at an elite Boston Law firm. Conan, the third of six children became a lector at church and a misfit at school. Tall and goofy, bedeviled with acne, he tried to impress girls with jokes. That plan usually bombed, but O'Brien eventually found his niche at Harvard where he won the presidency of the "Harvard Lampoon" in 1983 and again in 1984 - the first two-time "Lampoon" president since humorist Robert Benchley held the honor 85 years ago.
After graduating magna cum laude with a double major in literature and American history he turned pro. Writing for HBO's "Not Necessarily The News." O'Brien was earning $100,000 a year before his 24th birthday. But writing was never enough.
He honed his performance skills with the Groundlings, a Los Angeles improv group. There he worked with his onetime girlfriend Lisa Kudrow, now starring on "Friends." But Conan was not such a standout. In 1988 he landed a job at "Saturday Night Live" - but as a writer, not as on-air talent. In almost four years on the show O'Brien made only fleeting appearances, usually as a crowd member or security guard. His writing was more memorable. He wrote (or co-wrote) Tom hanks' "Mr Short-Term Memory" skits as well as the "pump you up" infosatire of Hanz and Franz and the nude beach sketch in which Matthew Broderick and "SNL" members played nudists admiring one another's penises. With dozens of mentions of the word that hit was the most penis-heavy moment in TV history. It helped O'Brien win an Emmy for comedy writing.
In 1991 he quit "SNL" and moved on to "The Simpsons" where he worked for two years. His urge to perform came out in wall-bouncing antics in writers' meetings. "Conan makes you fall out of your chair" said "Simpsons" creator Matt Groening. O'Brien's yen to act out was so strong that he spurned Fox's reported seven-figure offer to continue as a writer. He was driving for the spotlight.
By then David Letterman had announced he was turning shin - leaving NBC taking his ton-rated act to CBS. Suddenly NBC was up a creek without a host. The network turned to Lorne Michaels, O'Brien's "Saturday Night Live" boss. Michaels enlisted Conan's help in the host search planning to use him in a behind-the-scenes job. But when Garry Shandling, Dana Carvey and almost every other star turned down the chore of following Letterman, Michaels finally listened to Conan's crazy suggestion, "Let me do it!" Michaels persuaded the network to entrust it's 12:30 slot which Letterman had turned into a gold mine to an untested wiseass from Harvard.
O'Brien was working on one of his last "Simpsons" episodes when he got the news. He turned "paler than usual," Groening recalled. The Conan moseyed back to where the other writers were working, "I'll come back with the Homer Simspon joke later. I have to go replace Letterman," he said.
NBC executives now get credit for their foresight during those dark days of 1993 and 1994. They snared the axe and now reap the multimillion-dollar spoils of that decision. In fact, the story is not so simple. We sent Contributing Editor Kevin Cook to unravel the tale of O'Brien's survival, which he tells here for the first time. Cook reports:
"His office is chock-full of significa. There's a three-foot plastic pickle the Letterman staff left behind in 1993 - perhaps to suggest what a predicament he was in. There's a copy of Jack Paar's 'I Kid You Not' and a coffee-table book called 'Saturday Night Live: The First 20 Years.' His bulletin board features letters from fans such as John Watters and Bob Dole and an 8" x 10" glossy of Andy Richter with the inscription: "To Conan - Your bitter jealousy warms my black heart. Love and Kisses Andy."
"Of course it's all for show. From the photos of kitch icons Adam West and Robert Stack to the framed Stan Laurel autograph, from the deathbed painting of Abraham Lincoln, to the ironic star taped to Conan's door - they're all clever signals that tell a visitor how to view the star. Lincoln was his collegiate preoccupation: stardom is his occupation. Somewhere between the two I hoped to find the real O'Brien.
"As a Playboy reader he wanted to give me a better-than-average interview. I wanted something more - a definitive look at the guy who may end up being the Johnny Carson of his generation."
"Here's hoping we succeeded. If not I carried his germs 3000 miles and infected dozens of Californians for no good reason.
O'Brien: Yes, this is how to do a Playboy Interview -- completely tanked on cold medicine. I'll pick it up and read, "Yes, I'm gay."
Playboy: We could talk another time. O'Brien: (coughing) No, it's OK. I memorized Dennis Rodman's answers. Can I use them?
Playboy: You sound really sick. Do you ever take a day off? O'Brien: No. The age of talk show hosts taking days off is over. Johnny Carson could go to Africa when he was the only game in town -- "See you in two weeks!" But nobody does that now. I will give you a million dollars on the first day Jay takes off for illness.
Playboy: Do you ever slow down and enjoy your success? O'Brien: If anything, the pace is picking up. Restaurateurs insist on giving me a table even if I'm only passing by, so I'm eating nine meals a night. Women stop me on the street and hand me their phone numbers.
Playboy: So you have groupies? O'Brien: Oh yes. And other fans. Drifters. Prisoners. Insomniacs. Cab Drivers, who must watch a lot of late night TV, seem to love me lately. They keep saying, "You will not pay, you will not pay, you make me happy!"
Playboy: How happy did your new contract make you? O'Brien: Terrified. The network said, "We're all set for five years." I said, "Shut up, shut up! I can't think that far ahead." Tonight, for instance, I do my jokes, then interview Elton John and Tim Meadows. We finished taping about 6:30. By 6:45 my memory was erased and my only thought was, Tomorrow: John Tesh. And I started to obsess about John Tesh. Sad, don't you think?
Playboy: Not too sad. You got off to a rocky start but now you're so hot that People magazine recently said, "that was then, this is wow." O'Brien: I try not to pay much attention. Since I ignored the critics who said I should shoot myself in the head with a German Luger, it would be cheating to tear out nice reviews now and rub them all over my body, giggling. Though I have thought about it.
Playboy: Tell us about your trademark gag. You interview a photo of Bill Clinton or some other celeb, and a pair of superimposed lips provide outrageous answers. O'Brien: We call it the Clutch Cargo bit, after that terrible old cartoon series. They saved money on animation by superimposing real lips on the cartoons. I wanted to do topical jokes in a cartoony way -- not just Conan doing quips at a desk. TV is visual; I want things to look funny. But we're not Saturday Night Live; we couldn't spend $100,000 on it. Hence, the cheap, cheesy lips, You'd be surprised how many people we fool.
Playboy: Viewers believe that's really the president yelling, "Yee-haw! Who's got a joint?" O'Brien: It's strange. You may know intellectually that Clinton doesn't talk like Foghorn Leghorn. Ninety-eight percent of your brain knows the president wouldn't say, "Whoa Conan get a load of that girl!" But there are a few brain cells that aren't sure. When Bob Dole was running for president we had him doing a past-life regression: "My cave, get away." And then back further, "Must form flippers to crawl on to rocky soil," he says. There may be people out there who believe that Bob Dole was the first amphibian.
Playboy: Do you ever go too far? O'Brien: The fun is in going too far. It's a nice device because you get Bill Clinton to do the nastiest Bill Clinton jokes. We'll have Clinton making fart noises while I say "Sir! Please!"
Playboy: Are you enjoying your job now, with your new success? O'Brien: Well, there are surprises. I hate surprises. Like most comics, I'm a control freak. But I am learning that the show works best when things are out of control. Tonight I ask Elton John if he likes being neighbors with Joan Collins. He says he isn't neighbors with Joan Collins. He lives next door to Tina Turner. So I panic -- huge mistake! But Elton saves the day. "Joan Collins, Tina Turner, it doesn't matter. Either way I could borrow a wig," he says. Huge laugh, all because I fucked up. Later he surprised me by blurting out that he's hung like a horse. The camera cuts to me shaking my head: That crazy Elton. What can I do? Of course, I'm delighted that he went too far.
Playboy: That "What can I do?" look resembles a classic take of Jack Benny's. O'Brien: There's an old saying in literature: "Good poets borrow; great poets steal." I think T.S. Eliot stole it from Ezra Pound. Comics steal, too. Constantly. When I watched Johnny Carson, I noticed that he got a few takes from Benny and Bob Hope. When a comedy writer told me how much Woody Allen had borrowed from Hope, I thought, What? They're nothing alike. Then I went back and watched Son of Paleface, and there's Hope, the nervous city guy backing up on his heels, wringing his hands and saying, "Sorry, I'll just be moving along." Now look at early Woody Allen. You see big authority figures and Woody nervously saying, "Look, I'll just be on my way." Of course Woody made it his own, but he must have watched and loved Bob Hope.
Playboy: Who are your role models? O'Brien: Carson. Woody Allen. SCTV. Peter Sellers. When Peter Sellers died I felt such a loss, thinking, There won't be anymore of that. There's some Steve Martin in my false bravado with female guests: "Why, hel-lo there!" And I won't deny having some Letterman in my bones.
Playboy: You were surprise as Letterman's successor. At first you seemed like the wrong choice. O'Brien: I didn't get ratings. That doesn't mean I didn't get laughs. Yes, I had a giant pompadour and I looked like a rockabilly freak. I was too excited, pushed too hard, and people said, "That guy isn't a polished performer." Fine! But it isn't my goal to be Joe Handsomehead cool, smooth talk show host. Late Night with Conan O'Brien is supposed to be a work in progress, and now that we've had some success there's a danger of our getting too polished and morphing into something smoothly professional. Which would suck.
Do you know why I wanted this show? Because Late Night with David Letterman played with the rules and it looked like fun. Here was a place where people did risky comedy every night for millions of people. We had to keep this thing alive. There should be a place on a big network where people are still messing around.
Playboy: How bad were your early days on the show? O'Brien: Bad. Dave left here under a cloud: his fans and the media were angry with NBC. Then NBC picks a guy with crazy hair and a weird name. And the world says, "Harvard? Those guys are assholes." I sincerely hope that the winter of December 1993, our first winter, was the worst time I will ever have. I'd go out to do the warm up and the back two rows of seats would be empty. That's hard to look at. I would tell a joke and then hear someone whisper, "Who's he? Where's Dave?"
Playboy: You had trouble getting guests. O'Brien: Bob Denver canceled on us. We shot a test show with Al Lewis of The Munsters. We did the clutch cargo thing with a photo of Herman Munster. Unfortunately, Fred Gwynne, who played Herman, had recently died, and Al Lewis kept pointing at the screen, saying, "You're dead! I was at your funeral!"
Playboy: For months you got worried notes from network executives. What did they say? O'Brien: They were worried. The fact that Lorne Michaels was involved bought me some time. But Lorne had turned to me at the start and said, "OK, Conan. What do you want to do?" Now television critics were after me and the network was starting to realize what a risk I was. Suggestions came fast and furious. I kept the note that said, "Why don't you just die?"
Playboy: Did they suggest ways to be funnier? O'Brien: They were more specific and tactical. The network gets very specific data. Say there was a drop in ratings between 12:44 and 12:48 when I was talking to Jon Bon Jovi. I'll be told, "Don't ever talk to him again" Or they'll want me to tease viewers into staying with us: "You should tease that -- say, 'We'll have nudity coming up next!'"
Playboy: You did come close to being cancelled. O'Brien: We were cancelled.
Playboy: Really? You have never admitted that. O'Brien: This is the first time I've talked about it. When I had been on for about a year, there was a meeting at the network. They decided to cancel my show. They said, "It's cancelled." Next day they realized they had nothing to put in the 12:30 slot, so we got a reprieve.
Playboy: Were you worried sick? O'Brien: I went into denial. I tried hard not to think, Yes, I'm bad on the air and my show has none of the things a TV show needs to survive. We had no ratings. No critics in our corner. Advertisers didn't like us. Affiliates wanted to drop us. Sometimes I'd meet a programming director from a local station where we had no rating at all. The guy would show me a printout with no number for Late Night's rating, just a hash mark or pound sign. I didn't dare think about that when I went out to do the show.
Playboy: Are you defending denial? O'Brien: How else does anyone get through a terrible experience? The odds were against me. Rationally, I didn't have much chance. Denial was my only friend. When I look back on the first year, it's like a scene from an old war movie: Ordinary guy gets thrown into combat, somehow beats impossible odds, staggers to safety. His buddy say, "You could have been killed!" The guy stops and thinks. "Could have been killed?" he says. His eyes cross and he faints.
Playboy: How did you dodge the bullet? O'Brien: There were people at NBC who stood up for me. I will always be indebted to Don Ohlmeyer, who stuck to his guns. Don said, "We chose this guy. We should stick with him unless we get a better plan." He was brutally honest. He came to me and said, "Give me about a 15 percent bump in the ratings and you'll stay on the air. If not, we're going to move on."
Playboy: Ohlmeyer started his career in the sports division. O'Brien: Exactly, his take was, "You're on our team." Of course, it wasn't exactly rational of Don to hope I'd be 15 percent funnier. It was like telling a farmer, "It better rain this week or we'll take your farm away."
Playboy: What did you say to Ohlmeyer? O'Brien: There wasn't time. I had to go out and do a monologue. But I will always be indebted to Don because he told me the truth. Wait a minute -- you have tricked me into talking lovingly about an NBC executive. Let me say that there were others who were beneath contempt -- executives who wouldn't know a good show if it swam up their asses and lit a campfire.
Playboy: Finally the ratings went your way. Hard work rewarded? O'Brien: Well, I also paid off the Nielsen people. That was $140,000 well spent.
Playboy: Ohlmeyer plus bribery saved you? O'Brien: There was something else. Just when everyone was kicking the crap out of the show, Letterman defended me.
Playboy: Letterman had signed off on NBC saying, "I don't really know Conan O'Brien, but I heard he killed someone." O'Brien: Then I pick up the paper and he's saying he thinks I am going to make it. "They do some interesting, innovative stuff over there," he says. "I think Conan will prevail." And then he came on as a guest. Remember, this was when we were at our nadir. There was no Machiavellian reason for David Letterman, who at the time was the biggest thing in show business, to be on my show.
Playboy: Why did he do it? O'Brien: I'm still not sure. Maybe out of a sense of honor. Fair play. And it woke me up. It made me think. Hey, we have a real fucking television show here.
Of six or seven pivotal points in my short history here, that was the first and maybe the biggest. I wouldn't be sitting here -- I probably wouldn't even exist today -- if he hadn't done our show.
Playboy: The Late Night wars were hardly noted for friendly gestures. O'Brien: How little you understand. Jay, Dave and I pal around all the time. We often ride a bicycle built for three up to the country. "Nice job with Fran Drescher!" "Thanks, pal. You weren't so bad with John Tesh." We sleep in triple-decker bunk beds and snore in unison like the Three Stooges.
Playboy: You talk more about Letterman than your NBC teammate Leno. O'Brien: I hate the "Leno or Letterman, who's better?" question. I can tell you that Jay has been great to me. He calls me occasionally.
Playboy: To say what? O'Brien: (Doing Leno's voice) "Hey, liked that bit you did last night." Or he'll say he saw we got a good rating. I call him at work, too. It can be a strange conversation because we're so different. Jay, for instance, really loves cars. He's got antique cars with kerosene lanterns, cars that run on peat moss. He'll be telling me about some classic car he has, made entirely of brass and leather, and I'll say, "Yeah, man, I got the Taurus with the vinyl." One thing we have in common is bad guests. There are certain actors, celebrities with nothing to say, who move through the talk show world wreaking havoc. They lay waste to Dave's town and Jay's town, then head my way.
Playboy: You must be getting some good guests. Your ratings have shown a marked improvement. O'Brien: Remember, when you're on at 12:30 the Nielsens are based on 80 people. My ratings drop if one person has a head cold and goes to bed early.
Playboy: Actually, you're seen by about 3 million people a night. Your ratings would be even higher if college dorms weren't excluded from the Nielsens. How many points does that cost you? O'Brien: I told you I'm an idiot. Now I have to do math too?
Playboy: Do you still get suggestions from NBC executives? O'Brien: Not as many. The number of notes you get is inversely proportional to your ratings.
Playboy: What keeps you motivated? O'Brien: Superstition. We have a stagehand, Bobby Bowman, who holds up the curtain when I run out for the monologue. He is the last person I see before the show starts, and I have to make him laugh before I go out. It started with mild jabs: "Bobby, you're drunk again." Bobby laughs, "Heehee."" Then it was, "Still having trouble with the wife, Bobby?" But after hundreds of shows, you find yourself running out of lines. It's gotten to where I do crass things at the last second. I'll put his hand on my ass and yell, "You fucking pervert!" Or drop to my knees and say, "Come on, Bobby, I'll give you a blow job!"
"Ha-ha. Conan, you're crazy," he says. But even that stuff wears off. Soon, I'll be making the writers work late to give me new jokes for Bobby.
Playboy: Did you plan to be a talk show host or did you fall into the job? O'Brien: I was an Irish Catholic kid from St. Ignatius parish in Brookline, outside of Boston. And that meant: Don't call attention to yourself. Don't ask for too much when the pie comes around. Don't get a girl pregnant and fuck up your life.
Playboy: Were you an alter boy? O'Brien: I wanted to be an alter boy, but the priest at St. Ignatius said, "No, no. You're good on your feet, kid," and made me a lector. A scripture reader at Mass. He was the one who spotted my talent.
Playboy: What did you think of sex in those days? O'Brien: I was sexually repressed. At 16 I still thought human reproduction was by mitosis.
Playboy: How did you get over your sexual repression? O'Brien: Who says I got over it? My leg has been jiggling this whole time.
Playboy: What were you like in high school? O'Brien: Like a crane galumphing down the hall. A crane with weird hair, bad skin and Clearasil. Big enough for basketball but lousy at it. My older brothers were better. I would compensate by running around the court doing comedy, saying, "Look out, this player has a drug addiction. He's incredibly egotistical."
I was an asshole at home, too. My little brother Justin loved playing cops and robbers, but I kept tying him up with bureaucratic bullshit. When he'd catch me, I'd say, "I get to call my lawyer." Then it was, "OK, Justin, we're at trial and you've been charged with illegal arrest. Fill out these forms in triplicate." Justin was eight; he hated all the lawsuits and countersuits. He just cried.
Playboy: Were you a class clown? O'Brien: Never. I was never someone who walked into a room full of strangers and started telling jokes. You had to get to know me before I could make you laugh. The same thing happened with Late Night. I needed to get the right rhythm with Andy and Max and the audience.
Playboy: So how did you finally learn about sex? O'Brien: My parents gave me a book, but it was useless. At the crucial moment, all it showed was a man and a woman with the bed covers pulled up to their chins. I tried to find out more from friends, but it didn't help. One childhood friend told me it was like parking a car in a garage. I kept worrying about poisonous fumes. What if the fumes build up? Should you shut off the engine?
Playboy: For all your talk about being repressed, you can be rowdy on the air. O'Brien: The show is my escape valve. When I tear off my shirt and gyrate my pelvis like Robert Plant, feigning orgasm into the microphone, that shows how repressed I am -- a guy who wants to push his sex at the lens but can only do it as a joke.
Playboy: Aren't you tempted to live it up? O'Brien: I always imagined that if I were a TV star I would live the way I pictured Johnny Carson living. Carousing, stepping out of a limo wearing a velvet ascot with a model on my arm. Now that I have the TV show, I drive up to Connecticut on the weekends and tool around in my car. I could probably join a free-sex cult, smoke crack between orgies and drive sports cars into swimming pools, and my Catholic guilt would still be there, throbbing like a toothache. Be careful. If something good happens, something bad is on the way.
Playboy: Yet you don't mind licking the supermodels. O'Brien: At one point a few of them lived in my building, women who are so beautiful they almost look weird, like aliens. To me, a woman who has a certain approachable amount of beauty becomes almost funny. It's the same with male supermodels. They look like big puppets. So while I admire their beauty I probably won't be "romantically linked" with a model. I'd catch my reflection in a ballroom mirror and break up laughing.
Playboy: The horny Roy Orbison growl you use on gorgeous guests sounds real enough -- O'Brien: Oh, I've been doing that shit since high school. It just never worked before.
Playboy: Your father is a doctor, your mother an attorney. What do they think of their son the comedian? O'Brien: My dad was the one who told me denial was a virtue. "Denial is how people get through horrible things," he said. He also cut out a newspaper article in which I said I was making money off something for which I should probably be treated. So true, he thought. But when I got an Emmy for helping write Saturday Night Live, my parents put it on the mantel next to the crucifix. Here's Jesus looking over, saying, "Wow, I saved mankind from sin, but I wish I had an Emmy."
Playboy: Ever been in therapy? O'Brien: Yes. I don't trust it. I have told therapists that I don't particularly want to feel good. "Repression and fear, that's my fuel." But the therapists said that I had nothing to worry about. "Don't worry Conan you will always be plenty fucked up."
Playboy: When a female guest comes out, how do you know whether to shake her hand or kiss her? Is that rehearsed O'Brien: No, and it's awkward. If you go to shake her hand and her head starts coming right at you, you have to change strategy fast. I have thought about using the show to make women kiss me, but that would probably creep out the people at home. I decided not to kiss Elton John.
Playboy: Do you get all fired up if Cindy Crawford or Rebecca Romijn does the show? O'Brien: I like making women laugh. Always have, ever since I discovered you can get girls' attention by acting like an ass. That's one of the joys of the show -- I'm working my eyebrows and going grrr and she's laughing, the audience is laughing. It's all a big put-on and I'm thinking. This is great. Here is a beautiful woman who has no choice but to put up with this shit.
But it's not always put on. Sometimes they flirt back. Sometimes there's a bit of chemistry. That happened with Jennifer Connelly of The Rocketeer.
Playboy: One guest, Jill Hennessy, took off her pants for you. Then you removed yours. Even Penn and Teller took off their pants. O'Brien: Something comes over me. It happened with Rebecca Romijn -- I was practically climbing her. Those are the times when Andy and the audience seem to disappear and it's just me and this lovely woman sitting there flirting. I keep expecting a waiter to say, "More wine, Monsieur?"
Playboy: Would you lick the wine bottle? O'Brien: It's true, there's a lot of licking on the show. I have licked guests. I have licked Andy. Comedy professionals will read this and say, "Great work, Conan. Impressive." But I have learned that if you lick a guest, people laugh. If I pick this shoe off the floor, examine it, Hmmm, and then lick it, people laugh. I learned this lesson on The Simpsons, where I was the writer who was forever trying to entertain the other writers. I still try desperately to make our writers laugh, which is probably a sign of sickness since they work for me now. Licking is one of those things that look funny.
Playboy: Johnny Carson never licked Ed McMahon. O'Brien: We are much more physical and more stupid than the old Tonight Show. Even in our offices before the show there's always some writer acting out a scene crashing his head through my door. A behind-the-scenes look at our show might frighten people.
Playboy: One night you showed a doctored photo of Craig T. Nelson having sex with Jerry Van Dyke. Did they complain about it? O'Brien: I haven't heard from them. Of course I'm blessed not to be a part of the celebrity pond. I have a television show in New York, an NBC outpost. I don't run with or even run into many Hollywood people.
Playboy: You also announced that Tori Spelling has a penis. O'Brien: I did not. Polly the Peacock said that.
Playboy: Another character you use to say the outrageous stuff. O'Brien: Polly is not popular with the network.
Playboy: You mock Fabio, too. O'Brien: If he sues me, it'll be the best thing that ever happened. A publicity bonanza: Courtroom sketches of Fabio with his man-boobs quivering, shaking his fist, and me shouting at him across the courtroom. I'm not afraid of Fabio. He knows where to find me. I'm saying it right here for the record: Fabio, let's get it on.
Playboy: Ever have a run-in with an angry celeb? O'Brien: I did a Kelsey Grammar joke a few years ago, something about his interesting lifestyle, then heard through the network that he was upset. He had appeared on my show and expected some support. At this point my intellect says, "Kelsey Grammar is a public figure. I was in the right." Then I saw him in an airport. Kelsey didn't see me at first: I could have kept walking. But there he was, eating a cruller in the airport lounge. I thought I should go over. I said hello and then said, "Kelsey, I'm sorry if I upset you." And he was glad. He looked relieved. He said, "Oh, that's OK." We both felt better.
....See my other post with the last third of the interview

I'm desperately in need for advice. I'm not used to writing things like this so please bear with me.
Around 9 years ago I woke up with partial numbness to the genital area, penis, scrotum and perineum. After many MRI scans my local hospital and examinations they could not find any issues, this was in the space of 4 years.
After another 2 years waiting I was sent to UCLH "university collage London hospital" to the urologist Dr. J Panicker whom ran more MRI tests and evoked potential tests with electric stimulate of the nerves using needles of which there was no diagnosis found, He was surprised I could still maintain a full erection and feel my glands enough to climax. These appointments are months apart eventually he said there was nothing else we could do and you need to see a physiotherapist. I have now been handed over to physiotherapy at the same hospital and await an appointment.
My symptoms are as follows.
Around 80% Genital numbness / perineum. Urinary incontinence and retention. Inability to push urine out at will. Fetal incontinence and constipation. Penile and pelvic pains, mainly sharp electric type pains, when I move in certain positions. Excess numbness after sitting for too long. Signs of Retrograde ejaculation. My pelvic pain doesn't seem as bad as other people who have similar symptoms but the loss of genital sensation and urinary/fetal incontinence is starting to wear me down.
In the last 12 months my symptoms have gotten worse. Inability to push urine out at speed, loss of pressure. Snapping / Popping hip syndrome / with pain in the Psaos muscle area and sperm like smell days after ejaculation in my urine, which can also cause penile pain.
I'm was currently in a 16 year relationship that has just ended and with the already debilitating condition this has now affected me mentally to the point I'm having suicidal thoughts. We have 2 young boys , aged 10 & 13 and I fear I will end up doing something stupid if these issues get worse.
I'm not sure what I'm asking advice for, maybe recommendations for a specialist in the UK. I'm not rich or in a great financial situation but I will try anything at this point. I can't work out if real Physio would help or my symptoms have gone past this point. I'm lost, the NHS has given up on me and now with my recent separation my depression is getting worse. Has anyone else experienced this as a 36 yr old Male. Or male in general. Sorry for the long post but I hope I have left enough details to see if anyone else is suffering these same symptoms.
I fear for my santiny and my life right now and feel stuck in a never ending fight with my body. Any input or advice would be really appreciated. Thanks for spending the time to read my post ♥️

Hi,
I am a 26 year old Male from Pakistan. I don't have any medical problems but I am fat, 105 kg with 5'10 height.
Since March I have had 3 occurrences of abscess 1 on my right side of the face next to the eye between the eye and the ear about 1 inch but the inflammation extended to the eye. I went to the doctor and was prescribed Augmentin 650 twice a day for 7 days after which the abscess dried up.
Second, abscess occurred after about two weeks. This one was behind my left thigh. I didn't take any medication and the abscess dissolved in about 2 weeks. I did puncture it surgically and take out the puss multiple times.
Third abscess occurred after about 3 weeks. This time left side of the face exactly the same place as previous one but on different side of the face. This time I was prescribed 7 days Nezkil antibiotic twice a day by skin specialist. The doctor also recommended a HbA1c and its result was 5.38. The abscess dissolved after taking the antibiotic for 7 days.
Two weeks after the last abscess occurred, I had severe ear infection in both my ears. Water like liquid came out from both ears along with severe pain coupled with reduced hearing. This time ENT specialist prescribed me anti allergy for 4 days followed by Cefiget antibiotic for 7 days along with a cream and ear drops to apply in ears. The ear infection reduced significantly after antibiotic and eventually finished.
I am worried because I have not had any medical problems in life and now I have had 3 antibiotics in last 3 months. Please share your opinion. Thank you!

I have a border collie/australian shepherd mix (4 y/o male, neutered) who is staying with my parents while i’m in college.
About six days ago my dog started to lose his appetite and the next day my sister noticed that he’s a little yellow in his gums and the whites of his eyes. We took him to the emergency vet on Friday and they did some blood work on him.
They said his red blood cell count is normal and since he has his leptospirosis vaccine they ruled that out too. Pretty much the possibilities they gave us were either pancreatitis, an infection of some kind, or possibly something he ate.
I don’t think it could be something he ate since we have a puppy (1 y/o female bernedoodle, spayed) that gets into anything she can reach and eats the same, if not more questionable things, than my other dog. She shows no signs of being sick in any way.
The vet gave him an IV to replenish his fluids that day and the next, plus a bunch of different medication, including anti nausea, two different antibiotics, and something for liver support.
He’s been on this for five days now and he only seems to be getting worse. He looks a bit more yellow and has become a lot more lethargic than he was just days before. He won’t eat more than a few bites of food, even when we mix high value treats in and won’t even take the treats alone.
We called our vet and they recommended we take him back to the emergency vet since they were the ones that originally treated him but they’re only open Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays.
Is there anything I could do to help him at all? I hate feeling like I can’t do anything and I don’t want my dog to be in pain like this.

35M, 5'10", 145lbs, non-smoker, on Enbrel for AS. For the past ~10 years I've had a persistent fungal nail infection in one of my toenails. I've asked a number of doctors over the years about it, and have gotten a gamut of replies, from there's nothing that can be done, to suggesting nail removal, expensive pens, topical Terbinafine, oral high dose Terbinafine, oral low dose Terbinafine, and a few others I can't recall. I've been treating it at home using topical Lamisil once a day along with some thinning of the nail by filing for close to 5 years. I'll get the infection cleared 90% of the way over the course of a year, and then it'll take over the nail again suddenly within a matter of a week or two, starting the process again.
As a research scientist (microbiologist no less), I've looked up some literature on treatments but they haven't helped clear up the matter for me and I'm left just as confused. Looking for some addition guidance to help inform my next conversation with a podiatrist. I'd love to find the treatment with the least danger to liver or other side effects as possible. Thank you all!

Male, 21, 5 foot 8 and no medications. 2 weeks ago I got a pretty nasty friction burn between my calf and achilles. It has had 4 different dressings on by doctors and still hasn’t scabbed over which seems odd. I am also getting a twitching sensation and it looks almost like there’s a bug trying to crawl out of it every now and then in a kind of pulsing manner but not frequent enough for it to be blood pumping. Is this normal during healing? I have had a complete round of precautionary penecilin to make sure there was no infection so I don’t believe it is that. Any idea what it could be?

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seems fungal infections in the chest follow me wherever i go, been on and off for years now. anyone else?

F20 I’m writing this for anybody who may b experiencing anything remotely similar to what I did because these last few months have been extremely fucking rough for me, and if I can help one person feel less alone it’s worth it.
I started fearing I had herpes Dec 2023. I was raped by a now ex boyfriend and he’s the only “sexual partner” whose status I was unaware of.
This scared me because he didn’t use a condom and I’m very diligent when it comes to my health, regular condom use, and I’ve always made my exes show me their results as it’s very typical that men will never get tested unless they experience SEVERE symptoms.
I never planned to have intercourse with him at that time, so this just threw me for a loop as everything was very unplanned. No knowledge of his status, no condom, no consent.
I experienced immediate issues during the act, I’ve never had lubrication issues EVER, quite the opposite (tmi ik but I want to give perspective of the immediate sexual changes that followed) but this time I was DRY like sandpaper rubbing inside me ugh I was so uncomfortable, and I’m really sorry and I want to hug anyone who knows exactly what I’m talking about. I had never experienced pain like that from intercourse before this, he refused to stop till I was actually screaming and writhing in pain and clawing at him.
I planned to never talk to him again, but not knowing his status was rlly eating at me, I asked him if he had ever got tested before and he told me no.
INSTANT PANIC
My vagina did not feel the same from that point onward. I was sore and swollen for a few days after, I later went to a clinic to get an STI full panel test (ik that’s too soon, but understand I was in a haze of confusion I was trying to do damage control) The results for that initial test came back completely negative.
I had a crawling sensation on my mons pubis and labia area as if something was moving through the hairs, I also felt like the hairs were moving themselves. I started being itchy all the fucking time, it was all I could think about, I didn’t get a break from it, my lower region was so uncomfortable and all these sensations were so foreign to me. I also would get very dry, like uncomfortable as fuck, this was also new, I couldn’t stand my panties rubbing against me, or even the skin touching itself or AIR. I would literally have to put a wad of wet toilet paper for a tiny bit of relief but nothing could relieve me mentally. I also would slather Vaseline all over my lower region for the tiniest bit of relief. At this point I was waiting for the 6 week mark so I couldn’t get retested literally counting down the days. One night I went out for drinks w my friends ( I don’t drink normally) and my vagina was on FIRE like itching burning all of it, not the lil scratchy dry I was feeling before. I was starting considering maybe I had a yeast infection, I had only ever had one before this (not diagnosed by a doctor) and I treated it w canesten so I ran to Walmart to get a tube and didn’t even wait till I got home, I used their washroom and slathered it all over me. I remembered the first time I had done this for my previous presumed yeast infection I felt some sort of immediate relief, but this time I did not. On my way home I was antsy and squirming in my seat, nothing was comfortable, sitting, standing, lying down.
I tried using the canesten for a couple days following but it just seemed useless, crawling sensation was still there and now I was feeling this popping sensation. Like the skin of my labia were sticking together cause of moisture then spreading apart and creating kind of like a pop, that’s the best way I can describe it idk. I hated leaving the house because I felt like I constantly had my hands down my pants to scratch or literally cupping my vagina, adding pressure, applying Vaseline, whatever I thought could bring relief. I started to notice bumps. This is when my STI research rabbit hole really took off. Initially they started on my pubic area, I assumed they were pimples or even boils but I have had pimples in my pubic area before and they either had a yellow top or a white head, these were shiny hard bumps that definitely looked like blisters. They would come and go…in the same spots. Some of them I would squeeze out of frustration and thick blood OR white or clear fluid would run out. Of course there were concerns coupled with the sensations but initially I wasn’t assuming these bumps were coming from any STIs (specifically herpes) because they were on my mons pubis and my research told me me that herpes likes to live in most areas although it was possible. I wanted to book with my family doctor, but honestly I was so scared because I was ashamed plus my doctor is a male and the icing on the cake was the receptionist are fucking rude pricks, one of them I knew their daughter (I hate that bitch) and I wasn’t willing to willingly open a potentially awkward ass situation like that.
Now I had sores to add to my symptoms, like raw skin on my labia, the hood of my clit and yes they burned and hurt but mostly when touched faintly when left alone. I was so sure I had herpes, I would be only every subreddit related to herpes, reading my exact symptoms, seeing outbreaks that strongly resembled what I had. I even a few times would post the pics of the sores and would always get a handful of comments telling me that they looked concerning and I should get them swabbed ASAP and a few saying they were nothing concerning. A couple times I had burning pee, but I honestly can’t remember if this was before or after the sores started to appear. I’m a working student who has no car so it’s not rlly the easiest thing for me to find time to go to a walk in and get swabbed and honestly the sores wouldn’t last longer than a week and they mostly seemed to occur right before my period, clear up with it only to appear a few days after. The itching and tingling were almost always there with maybe an occasional day of relief. I would take pics of almost every numb and sore that was irritating so I could bring to my appointments, at the 6 week mark, I tested again at the same walk in and everything was negative, I showed the doctor the pics I took and she said they don’t look like anything concerning as in herpes. Every time I got a chance to go to the doctor it would always be when I didn’t have a sore which was really unfortunate
Doctors rlly operate off their OPINIONS so I booked an appt w my university clinic and unfortunately, again, I had no sores to swab and I just had my red sores and bump pictures to show and my symptoms. This doctor was male so I won’t necessarily say I held him opinion in low regard but he almost seemed like uncomfortable? Idk
When I say I convinced myself I had herpes in telling u I was doing everything, lysine, diet changes, all of it. My symptoms and sores/bumps were soooooo fucking similar to everything I was seeing. Nothing rlly was alleviating my turmoil long term so I rlly thought I was one of those ppl who just had a bad case.
At this point I had sworn off sex, I was going to go celibate and never date for the rest of my life and was rlly working towards just making myself as comfortable as possible, scanning subreddits for advice, literally doing everything ever recommended with rlly not much luck. I was rlly hanging on to the “it gets better” that everyone was swearing by.
Over the months I’ve debated texting him and asking him to actually get tested just so I’m aware of his status but I literally can’t because there’s a no contact order unless there’s a lawyer involved, although this order applies to him, I believe I can’t initiate contact because him responding would equal him breaking the order (I reported the rape).
I spent my birthday crying and scratching and sleeping cause that was the only time I wasn’t thinking about it.
I tried everything, no underwear, loose clothing, changing soaps, more water, more exercise, more sleep, no stress (lol this was impossible), no certain foods, EVRYTHINGGGG, by now I had the nerve pain, the shocks, the zap, I had it all over my lower body sometimes upper. Numbness was there, as well as the static ans pins and needles
I had no idea what the “normal” state of my vagina was like. It was like my memory b4 December of that area was wiped. Discomfort was my new normal. I also couldn’t rmr what my discharge was like, during this time I experienced diff types, thick white discharge, watery, it was hard to track. My vaginal smell also got stronger, not a bad smell but the smell was STRONGER. Like immediately I took of my panties I could smell my vagina another symptom I had read about
Last week, I had sores and bumps that itched and burned outside of the “prodrome symptoms” I reg experienced and begged my boss to let me leave work early to go to the same walk in clinic I needed her to say yes bc I FINALLY had sores to swab.
I once again did a full panel STI test (this was my third time, I went again at the 3 month mark before this) blood, urine, and this time, a swab.
She said for sure there were bumps but she didn’t see any ulcers but she’d swab for both yeast and HSV. She asked me if I wanted to b on anti virals while waiting for the results and immediately I said yes (I had basically accepted it at this point and was working on just coping and I was looking at this appointment being final confirmation for me) and she advised me to drink lots of water and gave me the valacyclivir prescription.
Taking the prescription brought zero relief to my symptoms. Again, I thought I was one of those w people who had a bad case and was gonna finish the 10 days and wait till I got the results back before taking any other action.
Finally, this week I was called in bc my results came in. I came to the appt w the mindset that was finally gonna get the type of HSV and was gonna let her know that I wanted to try gabapentin and a diff antiviral.
GUYS. It was negative. BUT YEAST WAS DETECTED. My jaw DROPPED. I was so floored. I was prescribed clotrimazole but I haven’t even bought it yet cause I’m broke tn lol. But listen, when I say my symptoms basically disappeared overnight without it… I’m not kidding. Everything suddenly HALTED like EVERYTHING. All of it was psychological, and yeast (I’m still picking up the script when I get paid)
This experience did also educated me on HSV, the stigma, the experiences others have had, those who had it transmitted to them intentionally or carelessly, the immune system, healthy lifestyles, so in a way…I’m kinda grateful? HSV stigma needs to end. More ppl need to b educated on this it’s honestly disheartening knowing I knew virtually nothing about an infection as common as herpes. I used to think oral was the least riskiest sexual act but now idk if I could ever again knowing what I know now, and most people will never know their status if they’re carriers of the virus. Even now I’m not sure if I can ever have sex or date ever again but that’s not bc of the HSV. My point? Don’t assume, get swabbed, no matter what anybody says or what you think, looking back the alcohol probably flared up the yeast.

https://ibb.co/wpg3WN2 I believe this related to wearing too small of shoes, there may also be a fungal infection of some kind. My other foot looks identical except the second smallest toe (ring toe?) the raw scabby spot has developed into an off lump/growth that slightly protrudes from the toe.
28 Male, 6 ft, 160lbs, non smoker (occasional devils lettuce)currently taking dexatrin 15mg x 2 +1 (ADHD), and sulfasalazine (rheumatoid arthritis). Have previously had to see a podiatrist for foot issues and did get a badly ingrown big toenail last year, so not no stranger to issue sofntge feet.