Poems for somebodies birthday

My name is Emily. I'm from the United States and I wanted to end my 20's with a bang, and I'm happy to say that I ended my 20's in Korea.Actually, Korea was not a country that I had much to do with.Originally, I was a person who was immersed in Japanese culture since college.Japanese anime became my friend. There's a lot of interesting things about Japanese anime, like the fact that they depict real places in Japan, and they depict real food, and so I fell in love with Japan, and I even traveled to Japan a couple times, and I thought that Japan was the sum of everything that I longed for.
But then, in my late 20s, I met a friend who would change my life. It was a simple meeting with a long-lost college classmate, Sarah, who had gone on to work at a large firm in New York City, and whom I had shared anime and Japanese food with in my dorm room in college. She told me honestly that she had recently traveled to Korea and was seriously thinking about moving there. Unfortunately, the large company she worked for in New York had recently gone through a business crisis, and she was laid off.
She said that she was confused by the sudden betrayal of a well-known company, and to clear her mind, she went to the airport with the intention of leaving anywhere. She thought she would go to Japan, but when she arrived at the airport, she changed her mind. When she thought back to the places and restaurants she frequented most often while working at the company in New York, she remembered that she often went to Korean streets and Korean supermarkets in New York, and she thought that going to Korea on an impromptu trip was a really good idea, so she chose to go to Korea rather than Japan, which she already knew.
And buying a plane ticket on the spot at the airport was more than twice as expensive as booking a ticket in advance, but Sarah said that she didn't care, because she was depressed after being fired from her job, and she went to the airport to leave, but the curiosity about Korea that came over her made her want to leave right away, even if she had to pay for the expensive plane ticket.
He expressed that although he went to the airport courageously, he knew that the plane ticket would be too expensive, and he thought that maybe he should just go back home again, but his curiosity about Korea came from somewhere deep inside him, and it exploded like a bomb, and he was naturally drawn to it.
Sarah, who likes emotional things like essays and poems in college and enjoys such poetic expressions, but even so, I wondered if it was a little overdone, but when she said that she had been to Korea, I became more focused on her story.
However, I was able to understand why she expressed herself in such an over-the-top way after listening to her Korean stories.
"Korea is an amazing place, the people are so kind and warm, and most of all, the employment system is very well organized. There are many programs and support for job seekers, which is very helpful for people who are in a difficult situation like me."
When Sarah started with this story, I realized that she was really traumatized by being laid off.Now, she had been through a big ordeal and was in the process of recovering from it through Korea, so I decided to focus more on her story."You said you traveled to Korea, so what else did you do?" I asked."For example, what kind of programs were there?" I asked her.
"I happened to visit a job fair in Korea," she said, "where job seekers can get free career counseling and get the training they need." "I got a lot of help there, and it gave me the strength to get back on my feet, and maybe even get a job in Korea." "And most of all, the work culture in Korea is really family-like," she said, "I was impressed by how much my coworkers cared about each other and supported each other."
Sarah said that she was curious about what Korea was like, so she visited a large convention center in Korea and participated in various fairs, one of which was a job fair, and she interviewed with several Korean companies, and the Korean companies were ready to accept her as a colleague if she applied as an American. I also learned that Korea has many companies with global reach, and they are open to foreigners with various experiences, but in Korea, unless it is a large company, people don't prefer them, so if it is a small company, they want foreigners, but there is a sad reality that no one applies.
Unlike in the U.S., where you have to report your performance every week, and if you fall short, you are threatened with termination, Korean companies are definitely not more performance-oriented than in the U.S. They value their employees and do everything together to grow together, not threaten them with termination. In the past, I knew that corporate culture in Asian countries such as Korea was more collectivistic than individualistic, and as a student, I thought that such a collectivistic culture was a bad culture with a high level of disease in Asia, but after experiencing social life in the United States, I heard that the tendency of companies to be extremely individualistic, talking about job insecurity, and treating people ruthlessly, caused me to be fired from a good job overnight, and the future plans I had planned in advance became uncertain, and I even talked about envying the Korean culture that does not have such disadvantages.
Sarah, who has never worked in Korea, but was always afraid of being fired, said that she learned a lot about Korean corporate culture by interviewing many Korean company officials.
She said that she even considered settling down and living in Korea because, besides the culture, there were so many other conveniences and benefits.
She talked about her experience of working in New York, being left alone in the office to get things done because of her performance, having to leave late at night and being afraid to go home, sleeping in the hotel next door, and having to live with the exorbitant rent in Manhattan and the two-hour round-trip commute to work, and how she realized that unlike in the U.S., where it is difficult to see a doctor, she would not have to worry about these things in Korea.
Sarah's story made me even more curious about Korea.The warmth, systematic system, and various charms that she experienced in Korea couldn't help but have a great impact on me.I've been experiencing a lot of stress every day due to the pressure of performance and the threat of being fired, and I've recently been undergoing expensive psychotherapy.I decided to learn more about Korea, and eventually decided to travel to Korea.
Of course, I didn't travel to Korea with the intention of moving to Korea or settling down in Korea, but rather to spend my last 20s in a new country, Korea, and to see a different world than the familiar Japan.
I made my preparations and headed to Korea sooner than I expected, arriving ten days before my birthday and extending my itinerary beyond what I had originally planned, staying in Korea until after my birthday and then flying back to the United States.
The first day I finally arrived in Korea, I started walking around the streets of Seoul.The first thing that greeted me was the warm spring weather in Korea.The sky was clear and the air was crisp.I was told that it is common for Asia to have very bad air quality in the spring due to the influence of China, but I didn't have to deal with that during my trip.
The streets of Korea are very different from the United States, and everything was new to me.There were many beautiful flowers in bloom, and the well-maintained trees were really beautiful.It has been a long time since the common people's neighborhoods in the United States have such beautiful landscaping because of people who destroy these trees and flowers for no reason, or secretly take them and sell them.But this was not the case in Korea.The streets were like a beautiful flower garden.
I was walking down a beautiful street lined with flowers, and I was looking at them, looking at the big big map that was displayed on the screen at the bus stop.I was just curious to see what my neighborhood looked like, so I was looking at the map and taking my time, and a middle-aged woman came up to me and said, "Where are you looking for?" She didn't speak fluent English, but I was so grateful that she was trying to help. I was too embarrassed to tell her that I was just looking at the map, so I told her one of the destinations I was planning to go to, and she gave me direct directions to the place I was looking for, and I was able to get there without any difficulty.This unexpected kindness opened my eyes to the Korean people and warmed my heart at the same time.
I was ready to accept everything in Korea with an open mind.The first impression was very good, I was touched by the kindness of the people.I couldn't ask for anything more from Korea.The food was so fresh and amazing to me.I visited Gwangjang Market, a famous traditional market in Korea.
Unlike a regular restaurant, it was a place where you could sit down and try a variety of food. As a traditional market, it was full of Korean food. There were no pizza, pasta, or burger joints, but I liked it better that way. It was a place where you could see the traditional look and feel curious about everything.
I also tasted foods such as tteokbokki sundae and hotteok.Everything else was fine, but I was a little worried when I first tried sundae because it looked so strange and a little gross, but I decided to give it a try and the moment I put it in my mouth, the rich flavor filled my mouth.Korean food often seems difficult to eat, but when you try it, you can see why it is so popular in Korea.
I stayed at Gwangjang Market for a long time and tried a lot of different foods, especially kimchi and pajeon, which I still remember because of their crispy texture and spicy flavor. I would recommend them to everyone.Experiencing the deep flavors of Korean food firsthand made me fall in love with Korean food.
And then there was a shocking thing that happened to me in Korea.I was having a lot of fun traveling around Korea and everything was interesting, because Korea is really the best place to be, you know, you're running around, you're busy, you're going from place to place, and I had the misfortune of losing my passport, which was really stupid.
I was traveling in Korea, and I got an international call. Someone was calling me from Korea, and when I saw the international call indicator on my phone and realized that the call was from Korea, I had a million questions.
I thought I shouldn't answer the call, but then I realized that it was an international call, and I thought maybe they were calling me because they had some business to take care of. I answered the call, and I was told a really crazy story, because I heard a calm English voice asking if it was Emily, and she introduced herself as a police officer and asked if I could come to the nearest police station.
I thought I had done something terribly wrong, because I had just eaten delicious tteokbokki and sundae, kimchi and pajeon, and I was so happy to eat them, and afterward I was just walking around the streets of Korea, smelling the flowers and seeing the pretty trees.
I started to check my belongings one by one and realized that my small pouch containing my passport and some of the money I had exchanged was missing.
I quickly headed to the police station, which was where I was told to go, and from the front gate, I was controlled as to what I was visiting.
The great thing about Korea is that even for someone like me who doesn't speak Korean, it's not difficult to navigate these government offices. Not all Koreans speak English, but at least the ones I've met have been able to communicate with me in a simple way. Even if they don't speak perfect sentences, they understand most of the words, so I was able to communicate the reason for my visit to the police station.
I had never been to a police station before, even in the U.S., but here I was in Korea, and I was greeted by friendly people.The pouch with my passport in it had my contact information written on the inside, and they said they would contact me with that.The bag was found in a marketplace, and the first person to report it was the stall owner of the place where I had my first sundae.It also had all of my clean, new Korean money in it, which I had exchanged separately.
I was so impressed with how conscientious Koreans are and how good they are that I was able to find the pouch, sign the paperwork, and walk out of the police station.
I went back to Gwangjang Market, and when I got there, the owner recognized me and looked like he was about to say something. I held out the bag and showed it to him, and he smiled and liked it.
I thanked the Korean boss, and we ate another snack on the spot. It was an experience that made me realize how heavenly Korea is.
And like Sarah said, I didn't just want to see how clean and pretty Korea is, I wanted to see what an American working in Korea could do and what life would be like.Through the Reddit community, I was able to get in touch with Americans working in Korea and even met some of them in person.
David, the American I met, works for a company that is not a large Korean company, but rather a small or medium-sized company. As Sarah said, Korea is a country where products are produced for the global market, and many things are actually exported overseas.
However, in Korea, unless it is a large company, every company is experiencing a job shortage, and because of the atmosphere in Korea, where foreigners are not welcome at all, it is not difficult to get a job in a company that specializes in exporting overseas, even if you are in the United States.
And David told me that he put all his passion into the first company he worked for in the U.S., and even made a lot of money for the company, but when he didn't perform, the company fired him without mercy, and he said that he was so shocked, not to mention the feeling of betrayal, that he took depression medication at that time, and it was so hard that he took depression medication, and then he found Korea by chance and settled in Korea, and now he is so happy. He told me that he was fired from his job because of the unrelenting treatment in the U.S., that he found a second chance in Korea, and that he is happy with his life here.
I'm not sure I have the courage to move to Korea right now, but I learned that there are a lot of people like Sarah and David who have been hurt so badly that they end up leaving the country. I'm scared that this could be my future, but I also learned that Korea is an option for me if it happens to me.My trip ended like this: experiencing the culture, food, and hospitality of Korea, and getting to meet and talk to Americans living in Korea, made my trip much more rewarding than my trip to Japan, which could have been an anime trip.
Korea has given me new perspectives and experiences, shattered my notion that Japan is only good, broadened my horizons, and opened my eyes to another gem that is Korea.
I now like to say to my friends, "Go to Korea, you'll see how good it is." Korea has taught me so much, and I will cherish my experience in Korea, which now holds a special place in my heart.
If Sarah goes to Korea and settles down, I will be there to congratulate her and support her in her new relationship in Korea.

me and my sister have been sharing rooms since we were around the ages of 5-19 or current times and she's recently has been distant and cold-hearted towards me , she does this tatic of ignoring me or pretending im not there simply because of a petty argument. the current arguement we had was about her overstepping my boundaries and she blew a fuse , later within the month we ended up going out for my mothers birthday and now suddenly shes happy and sweet, talking to me and more , after ignoring me for a solid 2 weeks.
keep in mind this is public, and whenever we get back home its the same nonchalantness and coldness but lately ive been noticing that she's doing this without the arguments and thats shes becoming more self secluded, she doesnt mention me or tell me anything about her life anymore and shes more closer to my other siblings than me. and it makes me feel a bit left out and upset.
what should i do about this because whenver i see her or let alone have to share a room with her , anything that she does sends me into a flight or fight panic mode, and i dont know why... i hist really care for her and i love her but i dont think she fully understands that or a least pretends not to. i cant go about my life with this overthinking and worry, and im too scared to speak up, ive been waiting for this to dwindle out for a couple days now but...its like our relationships falling apart.
can somebody help me?... thank you.

About 16 years or so my aunt had an affair, leading to a nasty divorce while my cousins were still young. Time passes by and to this day my cousins, boy and girl have moved out on their own and is still treating their mother like crap and the whole family knows it.
I understand that what she had done was incredibly wrong and I understand the anger that is towards her but I think after a certain period of time she shouldn't be treated as a martyr by her own children after almost 20 years now.
They're incredibly toxic towards her, refuse to do anything for her birthday, finding excuses to not hang out with her, or play the victim card and blame any inconvenience on her when my aunt is not at fault at all.
My cousins make a good money and they are both single. They have good jobs and after everything their mother has done for them growing up, they are essentially spitting at her face each time. They won't even help her with rent or even take her out for ice cream for an example.
My ass is incredibly haunted and extremely depressed. She obviously regrets her decisions and wishes that she didn't go through the affair but all she wants is her children to show her a little bit of empathy and show that they care. They take and take from her, and they keep on taking knowing that if she rejects them in any way even if it means standing up for herself, they will retaliate and close of all communications. They will hold the grudges even more and that's something that they are taking advantage of.
I know what it's like to be in the situation, not the cheating stuff but I know what's it like to hold on to a relationship when it's dying. I feel so bad for her and my entire family is telling my cousins to grow the fuck up and to just leave everything in the past and be happy that their mother is even in the picture and trying her hardest to be there for them.
Both of my cousins are around their 30s and this is getting ridiculous at how much The Grudge has gotten.
And the worst part is if at any point my cousin's know that anyone has heard the rumors or what they have done or said to my aunt, they get very furious with us and will shut us out for a while. This is incredibly immature and just toxic.
My aunt is incredibly special to me and I totally understand why she likes to hang out with me and is very genuine. I show her the love her children never gave her and it makes me feel good that I can be this person in her life. I don't do it because I want to one up somebody, I do this because she's my aunt and I know what it feels like to lose someone. She has always been by my side growing up. However whenever my cousin's find out how much I show her love or know about me taking her out for dinner or giving her a gift once in awhile, they get incredibly jealous.
This makes no sense to me because why are they jealous? They have the time, money to do something really nice for their mom once in a while but they decide not to. They just keep making excuses and stockpiling reasons to keep holding on to the garage just to be toxic towards my aunt.
I really do not know what to do. There's nothing that I can do, but all I can do is support my aunt. What are you guys think about the situation, can anyone give some insight?

Originally chronicled here.
I am not the OOP. OOP is u/Lost_Beginning_2824
This was originally posted in TrueOffMyChest
2 updates
(recovered via pushpull)
Original post - February 6th, 2024
1st Update - February 28th, 2024
2nd Update - March 8th, 2024
Trigger warning: mention of domestic violence situation
I’m married to a woman who acts like a teenage girl – February 6th, 2024
My wife behaves like a teenage girl and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
This is just a rant. Curious to know how many full grown adults behave the way my wife does. I’d say out of all of the adult women I know, like friends, relatives, wives of my friends, none of them behave this way unless they keep it a closely guarded secret.
Editing right here to add that my wife is in her 30s, for context.
My wife is always obsessed with somebody, a man or sometimes multiple men at one time. Usually there is one or two main focuses at a time. When I talk obsessed I mean obsessed like a teenage girl or maybe even preteen girl would be. I’ve seen pictures of her bedroom when she was that age and they were literally wallpapers in posters of her favorite guys. That’s totally normal for a 13 year old girl. She still behaves that way as a woman in her 30s. Granted, our bedroom walls aren’t wallpapered in posters but they probably would be if I allowed it.
Her obsessions have ranged from rock stars, actors, non-entertainment industry public figures. It’s like one day she hasn’t even heard of the guy in question and the next day she’s super fan #1 and knows just about everything there is to know about him. She will read and watch everything there is to watch about the man. She will bring him up in every conversation. She will adopt parts of him into her own personality. She will suggest things that make it clear to me that she wants me to adopt characteristics of these men as part of my appearance or personality. She will openly admit to me that she’s masturbated over the guy multiple times in one day.
When she finds a new man to obsess over, she puts the others in her little stable of men who she always has a place for in her heart and in her fantasies, so they never really go away. The new man just takes center stage and becomes the main focus of almost her entire life.
So the current obsession is so strange to me. Never saw this one coming, but leave it to her to always find somebody new to fall in love with. The intensity that she has during these periods - it’s honestly like she falls in love with these men.
I’m laughing so hard just typing this all. Her current obsession is Bret Hart, former pro wrestler. This woman had never watched wrestling before in her life. Always thought that stuff was below her. And now she’s obsessed with this former pro-wrestler. She watched one show about him, for reasons I’m not aware of, and I could tell almost instantly where it was headed. I thought “here we go…” So now the Bret Hart obsession is in full swing. Has she already dropped close to $1000 in vintage Bret Hart shirts on eBay? Of course. Bought all the stickers and magnets and all sorts of other stupid crap she can find? Yep. Does she send me Bret Hart YouTube clips all.day.long when she’s supposed to be working? Yes she does.
So, I better get to work brushing up on my Bret Hart knowledge and tag lines. This is the key to getting laid when it comes to her. I’m used to this by now. It’s just not something that I can easily explain to anyone I know.
I mean, there’s are things I’m a fan of, but she is next level. I can’t think of anyone I know who is her age and acts like this. She was voted most likely to grow up and become a groupie when she was in high school, so this is absolutely nothing new for her. Sigh.
Many are lighthearted in the comments
plastic_Schedule_891
I mean he's the best there is, was and ever will be so that one makes sense at least .
You don’t think I’m hearing that 10 times a day now?
I better start planning that trip to Calgary.
Limerence is mentioned
poopchutethemoon
Yeah my bouts of limerence have been with people I’ve dated but reading that made me realize that I was very much being obsessive and it was totally all consuming. Glad it’s over honestly. Those feelings are exhausting.
Very interesting to hear you say the feelings are exhausting. It’s like a full time job for my wife, so I could see that. She told me she’s at work with her door closed pretending to be working, but she’s really watching Bret Hart videos on YouTube. She can’t even focus on her job.
OOP reveals more of the life he’s signed up for in the comments
get-bread-not-head
You've pretended to act like other men for 20 years?!
Damn dude, I hope you're finding ways to accept it and cope. That sounds rough, having to be someone else to have sex... stay strong king
Nah, I just learn their catchphrases or gain some deep fan knowledge that’ll impress her or maybe perfect a vocal impersonation of them that I can drop at the opportune time. The vocal impersonations work the best as far as making her like me and being like “ok, wanna have sex now?”
another_canoe
But what do you guys actually share *together*? That's not related to the obsession of the season? (I'm not going to even bother asking if she's tried to learn about any of your hobbies/interests).
NGL, this is all pretty grim to me, my man....and I'm someone who loves having a partner who is passionate about things and nerds out.
I fear that you've spent so long with her infatuations steamrolling over your own interests and preferences that you have convinced yourself that getting attention-by-proxy as your main source of validation from your SPOUSE is a healthy way to live.
If I told you that I was big into anime and Japanese RPGs and the only way I get interested in doing it with my actual wife is if she adopts the catch phrases /personality characteristics of my latest "waifu", would you feel some concern for my wife's mental health?
I'm also wondering about this spending....
She’s pretty dismissive of my interests and hobbies. I’ve told her I’d like her to try to pretend to show a little more interest sometimes. I make an effort to show real interest in her stuff and she does not do the same. I’m very into music and I do geek out over guitars and gear and things like that and she couldn’t tell you anything about any of the guitars I own other than “he has a blue one, he has a red one. “ We do love some of the same bands. Of course she wants to fuck the band members and I just want to talk about the chord progression on my favorite guitar tracks, but it’s close enough. We like a lot of the same movies and that sort of thing. We have the same sense of humor and can keep each other laughing for ages. We have a lot of the same views on life and on the world in general.
I don’t know, we just get each other I guess.
I would be concerned about the waifu thing, but I guess in my case she always likes guys who I think are pretty cool anyway. She has good taste, at least. If she has to be obsessing over some other guy constantly at least she does it over guys I can respect on some level.
Regarding the spending, I spend way more than she does. Only difference is it’s not usually fan merch I’m buying. But she tolerate my spending when it comes to stuff like guitar gear. She rolls her eyes and reprimands me but she tolerates it and just knows I won’t stop. I’m the same when it comes to her fan stuff. I get it, she wants the vintage 1993 Bret Hart shirt that costs hundreds…not a modern shirt that just anyone could go online and buy for $25 right now. She wants the cool, rare stuff. I’m the same with my guitars so I guess it’s like we understand each other in some way. I think it’s weird to become a fan of somebody and 2 days later drop thousands on them though. At least my money pit is consistent.
I think we both feel like we’re the only person who will semi understand and tolerate all of this stuff from each other
Not included here, but in several comments, OOP definitely brings up his wife’s looks as a positive in the relationship and he finds her antics at times amusing or even attractive.
1st Update - February 28th, 2024
I recently wrote about my wife suddenly discovering former pro-wrestler Bret “The Hitman” Hart one day after never even knowing of his existence, experienced love at first site, and is now even deeper than love with him then she was a month ago.
Tonight, I experienced a good hour of her sobbing, literal sobs, after watching the Bret Hart A&E biography. “I just love him so much. I love him with all my heart. I don’t want any more bad things to happen to him. Also, I’m very jealous he’s not my husband.”
She also went from not wanting any kids to suddenly wanting a baby so she can name it Bret (a girl or a boy, doesn’t matter…they will be named Bret). And she almost had me convinced, but I blame that on the heat of the moment.
She’s bought all sorts of clothes just like his. My wife now dresses like Bret Hart in and outside of the ring.
The past few days she’s been acting really annoyed with me. Finally I’m like “Wtf am I doing wrong?” I bought you Bret Hart stuff for your birthday! I call you Mrs. Bret Hart now, even though you’re my wife. I even sent you flowers at work from Bret. I mean that was supposed to get me points because she knew they were from me and I was playing into her obsession which she’s now apparently shared with everyone she works with. They’ve bought her a giant Bret Hart wall decal for her office.
Ok, so I did forget our anniversary which was very recently. Totally forgot it. Then again, so did she. She was too busy masturbating over Bret Hart to remember our wedding anniversary. I mean bad husband points for me obviously but all the birthday gifts had to have made up for it. I mean, I even ordered a Bret Hart birthday banner and got her a Bret Hart themed birthday cake as if she were a 7 year old boy in the year 1994.
So why is she acting so annoyed lately? Why does she act like she hates me and can’t stand to even be in the same room as me? She finally admits…I’m not Bret Hart. None of her obsession have ever been this bad. She’s seriously threatening me with divorce now because I’m not Bret Hart! She “just wants a guy like that.” She had to go walk the dog today and cry over it, how much she hates me and wishes she was married to Bret Hart. Oh fuck me you want a guy like your dad because that’s what Bret Hart is like…exactly like her dad, the same look, the same hair, the same damn age.
I told her I think she should get checked out for autism or some other sort of disorder. Her obsessions have never been this bad. She should make an appointment now because the waitlist is long. She just laughed. There’s nothing wrong with her. She just has different taste in men now, according to her.
Some comments
psychick
Therapist here - she needs to see a psychiatrist. This is mental illness to the extreme. Either she goes, or you leave. This is ultimatum territory. And, stop giving into her obsession. It makes it worse.
nualt42
Man, when she threatens divorce, take it. Jump at the chance.
Hell, sit, be a good boy and offer your fucking paw if that’s what it takes to get treated to an exit strategy. Don’t worry about dignity, sounds like you gave that up a long time ago.
She’s even looked up the divorce process for where we live and says we can be amicable about everything. She assures me she’s not looking to take any thing that is rightfully mine. She just wants a clean break.
Sophie3546
I’m surprised he even lasted this long. Calling her “Ms. Bret Hart” …..I can’t even fathom.
Excuse me, it’s MRS Bret Hart, not Ms.
NEW UPDATE - March 8th, 2024
Hi, you might remember me as the guy whose wife was obsessed with JFK (35th President of the United States), then experienced a world wind romance with former WWF pro-wrestler Bret Hart (the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be), but now she’s met a new man. I thought the Bret Hart obsession was the worst one yet. Never has she threatened divorce or told me she hated me because I wasn’t the object of her desire. Luckily, that was a relatively quick love affair for her. 3-4 months is a short run for her and one of her men. But I should be careful what I wish for.
This new one is the first time I’ve felt that I should maybe, just possibly, feel legitimately scared. Her newly developing obsession is Patrick Bateman. Yep, the character from American Psycho. Specifically, the movie version played by Christian Bale.
It’s not like she’s just met the guy. She’s seen the movie before but it doesn’t appear that they hit it off initially. Now, she’s suddenly started making constant reference to him. Bret is gone and now it’s just Patrick Bateman and maniacal laughter and purchasing all of the items in his skin care routine. I’d like to see her do 1000 crunches though. That’ll be the day.
She has always admitted to living the 80s preppy/yuppie look. She loves assholes. Assholes are a weakness for her. Psychopaths? Hmm…that’s a new one, unless you count the time she was in love with the Menendez Brothers years ago. God, the pastel Ralph Lauren sweaters she used to try to make me wear. Pastels are just not my shades.
Now, there was a time many years ago where I did have to hide all the knives in our home. I was legitimately scared that she was going to murder me. I forget what she was upset about now. I am, after all, her type - an asshole. I did something that bothered her and she ran for the knives. I had to hide them and then lock myself in a bedroom because she was literally chasing me. That was before she decided that she’d be the female Patrick Bateman. Granted, she says “only mean in the looks and snob department-nothing else.”
She’s trying to determine what the female equivalent to a Patrick Bateman hairstyle would be right now. I’m just worried about the bank account with this obsession. The amount she’ll spend on business cards alone.
Comments
lemonade_sparkle
Your wife is severely mentally ill, and needs help quickly.
Is there no chance of persuading her to get help?
If not, what preparations have you made to leave her?
I’m a strange way, I think these obsessions are what keep her sane.
Her getting help is funny though. It’s not going to happen. Sure I’ve tried to persuade her to see a therapist but she just won’t.
ctIaTErA
I probably shouldn’t be laughing as hard as I am right now. This is truly bizarre. Does she narrate her morning routine in the mirror each day now?
But in all seriousness, she’s chased you with a knife? Thats far more concerning than any of the obsessions with these men, and yes I did read the post about the wrestler. I thought it was just very quirky behavior before, but she seems truly unhinged now.
It was years ago. Like 10+ years ago. I’m much stronger than her so it’s not hard to hold her down if need be.
I AM NOT OOP
NO BRIGADING, NO HARASSMENT

Dear Poetry Fanciers,
Welcome back for a special Victorian edition of Poetry Corner, brought to you by u/NightAngelRogue and a splendid accompaniment for our upcoming read of The Thrilling Adventures of Lovelace and Babbage. Just a reminder, if there is a special poem you would like to feature in Poetry Corner, just send me a message and we'll get it the schedule!
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Q: Nelson Mandela, Tuberculosis and Long John Silver walk in a bar. Who are they talking about as they go in?
A: Probably William Ernest Henley (1849-1903).
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Poet, journalist, literary critic, editor, publisher, translator and Victorian-extraordinaire, Henley, was a good friend to Robert Louis Stevenson, who he inspired to write the character "Long John Silver" in Treasure Island. Stevenson, writing to Henley-" I will now make a confession: It was the sight of your maimed strength and masterfulness that begot Long John Silver ... the idea of the maimed man, ruling and dreaded by the sound, was entirely taken from you". The friendship was a tumultuous and long one.
Henley's sickly daughter, Margaret, was the inspiration of "Wendy" in J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan. She would not live long past her 5th birthday, the only child Henley had with his wife, Hannah "Anna" Johnston Boyle. Tragedy had long painted his life even before this sad event. He was diagnosed with a rare form of tuberculosis at age 12, that affected his bones. His left leg had to be amputated below the knee when Henley was a young man, and he was often in the hospital with various abscesses that need to be drained. Frequent illness kept him out of school and interrupted his professional work. Henley eventually sought out the advice of Joseph Lister, who was pioneering new techniques, including antiseptic operating conditions and doing groundbreaking research on wounds, when his right foot become affected by the tuberculosis. Still, his ill-health did not keep him from practicing his art. While Lister kept him under observation at the Royal Infirmary of Edinburgh, from 1873-75, Henly wrote and published a collection of poems, which includes today's selection, In Hospital (1903). This collection of poems is notable also because it was one of the earliest examples of free verse in English poetry. Henley and others in his group became known as the "Henley Regatta" for their championing of realism, such as the poor working conditions in the Victorian underbelly, in opposition to the Decadent movement in France and the Aesthetic movement closer to home. This would be the last collection of poetry and the most impactful of his work; his death would follow later that year. Unfortunately, a fall from a carriage reawakened the latent tuberculosis hiding inside him, which carried him off age 53. He was buried next to his daughter, in Cockaney Hatley, Bedfordshire. His wife would later also be buried alongside her family.
His legacy is one that is both inspiring and rather dispiriting. His poetry was used for jingoistic and imperialist causes, and to champion war, though much of it was about personal striving and inner resolve-the mythical "Stiff Upper Lip" of the Victorian era. This led to push back in the literary world, as D.H. Lawrence's short story, "England, My England and Other Stories" took flight from one of the lines from "Pro Rege Nostro", which is more patriotic than his usual work. Admittedly, he counted himself as a conservative and supported the imperial effort, as much of Victorian society did at this time. Still, his work fell into obscurity, with the main exception of "Invictus"-Latin for "unconquered". It is well known that Nelson Mandela recited this poem to his fellow inmates in Robben Island as a reminder to stay strong and keep one's dignity. There are also, of course, the Invictus Games, which are held for injured and sick service men and women and veterans in the UK.
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Winston Churchill to the House of Commons, September 9, 1941:
"“The mood of Britain is wisely and rightly averse from every form of shallow or premature exultation. This is no time for boasts or glowing prophecies, but there is this—a year ago our position looked forlorn, and well nigh desperate, to all eyes but our own. Today we may say aloud before an awe-struck world, ‘We are still masters of our fate. We still are captain of our souls.'” (link)
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Sidney Low, in "Some Memories and Impressions – William Ernest Henley". The Living Age (1897–1941) describing his friend:
"... to me he was the startling image of Pan come to Earth and clothed—the great god Pan...with halting foot and flaming shaggy hair, and arms and shoulders huge and threatening, like those of some Faun or Satyr of the ancient woods, and the brow and eyes of the Olympians." (link)
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Andrzej Diniejko on Henley as "poet as a patient" and his work predating modern forms of poetry "not only in form, as experiments in free verse containing abrasive narrative shifts and internal monologue, but also in subject matter". (link)
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"Invictus"
by William Ernest Henley
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
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This poem is in the public domain.
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Some things to discuss might be the title. How does the defiant spirit of this "Unconquered" opening play throughout the lines of the poem? There is also a reference to the Bible Verse Matthew 7:14 in the poem, "Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it". Why do you think this is included? What lines stand out to you? How do you see him fit into the Victorian literary furniture, if you will? Have you heard this poem before? How does this fit in with the melancholy feel of the Bonus Poem, if you read it? What other poets do you enjoy from this era of literature?
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Bonus Poem: We'll Go No More a-Roving
Bonus Link #1: "Love Blows As the Wind Blows" (1911) song-cycle by George Butterworth, with Henley's poetry put to music and song.
Bonus Link #2: A literary review of the Victorian Era.
Bonus Link #3: Read the other poems included in the collection, In Hospital.
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If you missed last's month poem, you can find it here.

Okay, so this is going to be a long one, sorry.
TL;DR
Despite a six-year relationship filled with ups and downs, long-distance struggles, and personal insecurities, my partner and I shared a deep bond. However, misunderstandings and miscommunications led to an abrupt, painful and aribitrary breakup from her end. When I discovered my partner seeing someone new, it left me questioning the sincerity of our past love and struggling with unanswered questions. Now, I'm torn between seeking closure and wondering if there's any hope for us to reconnect or if it's time to let go and move forward. Given that in matter of weeks that we were really good now she is in love with somebody else. Is she acting out of anger, revenge or is this real and sincere?
Ful context:
I had a relationship with this person for almost 6 years. So first, it was like a year we were friends, and then best friends. She had a boyfriend; she is older than me by almost 8 years. She didn't love this guy and wanted to break up with him. I already had feelings for her but didn't think it was possible. It happened; we were together in a long-distance relationship for about a year. A year later, we were great but had some fights due to inconsistency and the distance - nothing serious, really. We reconnected for 3 months before I came back to continue my studies. This time she would move to the same country as me to pursue her master's. We decided to have some time off to think about stuff. I forgot and broke up with her 2 days prior to her arrival. Why? I still don't know why I did that... I guess it was the desire of getting to explore more things and see if I could find someone else, given we were struggling because of some differences in her circle's acceptance. I still kept in touch with her because I knew how hard it would be in a new country with no support. I took some time for myself and realized I still loved her and I was sorry. We got back together formally.
Then during a couple of months, we entered a blurred line; we both loved each other, and we had a relationship, but I started to create barriers because I felt I was hurting her, as I think I didn't love her that much - I did love her more than I can imagine, but I felt insecure. Then we didn't really break things off; we just were friends, but we would occasionally see each other and would have conflicts when we were away. When she came close, I pushed her away, and vice versa. But when we were together, whether intimacy was involved or not, there were no fights, only depth and honesty and vulnerability. We fought every time over chat when we were not in the same place. A year ago, I decided to apply NC after she proved to me I was no longer really important to her. So I decided to cut her off without much explanation, which I regret now. Then 3 months later, I reached out again because I missed her and wanted her to come back. During that time, my intention was to see if I could continue my life without her and if I could avoid being dependent on her. She told me she worked on herself, she had some barriers. But it didn't last long. We again were cool with each other, comfortable. She now said that she had her mindset that this was "physical" and stuff like that, but we both knew it wasn't; it was never physical. Sometime later, we spent NYE morning together; it was delightful. Throughout this time, we did not have any major issues other than the fact that we knew we loved each other but we put up this wall for some reason. During the time I applied NC, she reached out to me several times; I never responded. She thought I was with somebody else; then I responded, said I wasn't and some other things. She told me that it was hard for her if I were to move on too quickly, which I wasn't really doing. We even worked together; it didn't quite help. Now, it has been a while. Since January this year, I knew I wanted to get back with her, but I wasn't sure she would take me. We saw each other every other week quite regularly, and we would talk every day; it's like we've been (we were) best friends. In February, we were on the same page finally; we both agreed but didn't do anything really. Then we went to the movies, saw "Past Lives" together, it made us really sad but connected us deeply. We were closer than ever. Then in March during my birthday, I didn't prioritize her because I was insecure about what my friends would say (I know, it's childish) that resented her a bit, but we fixed it. We hung out 2 more times; it was deep, nice, and we were connected to each other. Then I thought maybe it was time for me to move on but didn't want to act without her knowing the picture and doing the right things so I asked her if "it would be okay if I start seeing other people?". She agreed at first, then it was reluctant. I dug in deep, and that didn't help. I think this made her feel like she was my second plate or that I was already fucking sombeody else or sorts. She in that moment recently moved out on her own and started a new phase. At that initial phase, we got close again about the things we could do at her apartment; we could be free, how much we wanted to see each other and be okay. Then I put up a wall saying that we should stop seeing each other. She got mad and said she did not want to pretend we never knew each other, and it was unfair for me to decide for both when she still loved me and I loved her too. Why did I ask her that? Because I didn't want to date anyone else unless she was okay with that and that wouldn't hurt her because I loved her.
Some weeks later, she was really distant and started treating me poorly, worse than a dog. I knew something was off; I started to pursue her. I was ignored. I told her it's not okay what she is doing, that she knew my emotional wellbeing, and I wouldn't do that to her. She told me I did exactly the same a year ago when I cut her off. It was not true; I still replied to her because I know how bad her anxiety can get. Then I asked, "are you with somebody else?". I insisted; she said yes and not only that but she compared me to him and made me feel like shit. I was frustrated and acted out of desperation; I texted her, saying I'm sorry. But she said I was only using her as an object of pleasure (which as you can tell from the text is far from the truth). She told me all of this was over when I broke up with her years ago, like she was resentful and mad but never really told me. Then I tried talking to her to at least give me closure and let me ask for forgiveness for my negligence and wrongdoing, which was repetitive but never came out of wrongness but from insecurity. She said she didn't believe I love her but was acting out of desperation and then I demonstrated to her it was not the case. Anyways she told me to give her some days to think about talking again. She didn't say a word for about 10-12 days; unintentionally I ran into her 2 times because we live close to each other. Then, I sent her some emails saying since she has not told me anything I will leave a letter at her apartment and gonna continue with my life. She didn't reply. When I went to leave the letters we both saw each other and didn't say a word; I left the letter at reception and left. Next day, her father called me telling he was worried and that I should stop reaching out to her or looking out for her. Ever since, I don't know anything about her other than she is already sleeping with this guy (which she never used to have casual sex before) so I guess they are super serious in a matter of 4 weeks. I should mention she was justifying herself with stuff like " like you did a year ago I need to try to no be dependent on you. I need to give myself a chance and you should try do things at your age that I already did". Like wtf it sounded like she was projecting herself and she was the one that needed to live what she didn't because she was always with someone and like a excuse.
Then I found out during our time she made out with some guys, and then I came across some news that confirmed she was sleeping with this new guy. This makes me think really horrible things and most importantly that she is in love with him so fast. Like our relationship an didn't mean anything.
Right now it really hurts because it makes me think she never meant any of the words she said to me. Literally a month or two months ago max, she almost begged to not cut her off out of the blue, that I was the love of her life, she still loved me, and that she would never want to hurt me.
And she did all of that. Also, important to note when I asked her "why don't you at least give me the closure that I deserve If I did nothing wrong and your exes who were assholes you gave them your time?" to which she responded "because I am not strong enough to see you yet. when I saw them I knew it wouldn't affect me, but with you, it would still affect me seeing you." But my frustration is that it seems like she is not over me; she still has feelings for me, and yet she is in a serious relationship with another guy and treated me like shit. Why???
Another aspect which is important. Her previous relationships she has never been alone since she has been 18 uintil now she has never been single for real. Yes, maybe this last 5 years we were not fomally but we were together in a way... She had a boyfriend he was abusive and he had another friend who protected her. So whenever she needed something she would move from one to another. Until she broke off with the absuive guy ended up with the other guy (who she didn't rally love but stick with him as a safe choice). Adn then when she broke up with this other guy, I got into a relationship with her. Although in this time she literally had no feelings with this guy and wanted to break up with him for months.
My question is, is she serious about this person? Why did she behave in such a heartless way? Is there any chance she is coming back, or did I mess up by breaking NC? Or she didn't love me anymore? I really doubt the last one because I would have noticed that because how expressive she is and cmfrotable she was with me even the las time we sa each other.

Hello, I (28M) am making this post because I need to get this crazy story off my chest. I met a girl on Tinder (22F) at the beginning of this year and I thought we really hit it off. She had recently broken up with a long term boyfriend and was actually couch surfing between different family and friends. I work a lot and I really liked her so I offered to let her stay at my apartment. I also asked her to be in a relationship with me. At first she declined, but on Valentines I managed to pull out all the stops and tried my best to be romantic. (took her out, giant teddy bear, candy all that) I asked again if she wanted to be in a relationship with me and she agreed and moved into my apartment. Everything was good for a couple of months, we really didn't argue and the sex was great.
Her birthday was in April and I asked what she wanted for her birthday. She said she wanted to go on a camping trip and invite a bunch of friends. I was good with that plan and made arrangements to be off from work and spent a couple of hundred dollars on the supplies needed for the trip. She invited a ton of people but the only ones that ended up coming were here best friend, her best friends boyfriend, her brothers, her mom, and two other friends that were neighbors of her best friend. They only showed up at the end of the trip but, I was happy somebody else came for her.
Her best friend also brought her toddler. I had said before we went on the trip that bringing the toddler was not a good idea considering the plan for the weekend was to get drunk and smoke the whole time and that probably wasn't the best place for a two year old. I got ignored and my concerns were dismissed.
Anyway, on 4/20 we all end renting canoes and kayaks from the outfitters at the campground to float down the river. Halfway through; one of my then girlfriends brothers gets sick from to much to drink and ends up falling in the river multiple times. The river is still really cold and we end up having to split up and she takes her brother to get a ride back to the campsite at the halfway point. Then I was stuck with her friends that I didn't really know; to get back to the campsite with the canoes. I had met these friends about a half dozen times and they had struck me as rude and irresponsible but I hadn't spent much time with them. The boyfriend actually had never spoken directly to me at this point even though we had met several times.
I had been told by my ex over and over again how the boyfriend was abusive and how terrible he was to her friend. I told her since I hadn't seen anything I didn't want to be involved. On the second half of the trip her best friend and her boyfriend get into an argument over something. To this day I have no idea what either of them were upset about. This argument keeps escalating but only to yelling and throwing stuff and essentially a temper tantrum on the part of the boyfriend. We get back to the campsite and reunite with my ex, and they keep arguing and yelling at each other. Keep in mind the girl has been carrying around a two year old for this entire ordeal.
Eventually the boyfriend is in his vehicle shouting obscenities' and my exes friend goes to his vehicle and what happens next is the only point of disagreement between myself and my ex. I say he hit her, my ex says he pushed her out of the way. Tomato, tomato, it was still most definitely physical assault of a dating partner and since she had the toddler it was also child abuse. My exes mom then intervenes and they separate, I go over to the girl to ask if she's is alright and she starts asking me to fight her boyfriend. Then the boyfriend threatens to shoot me!!!?????
Keep in mind this guy has never spoken to me directly. As a side note I have trained MMA for over five years at this point and it is well known that I can fight. Normally fighting/sparring is very fun for me but if this dude is actually upset and not wanting to wrestle around for fun then I was going to need him to sign a waiver before I administered the beat down. Besides the dude had a gun and had threatened to shoot me so I'm not just going to attack him?
I tried to tell my ex that we needed to leave but she refused and said that if I wanted to leave I was more than welcome but that she would be staying. I decide to stay, and the rest of the night essentially consisted of her best friend wandering around the campground crying hysterically and the boyfriend posted in his vehicle between us and the exit in some kind of sad attempt to be intimidating. At one point while my ex and her friend attempt to console the boyfriend they essentially left the child unsupervised with me and her friends neighbors.
Both of the neighbors were under 21 and definitely to intoxicated to supervise a toddler. To be honest no one there was sober enough to care for a two year old at that time. At one point I actually stopped the toddler from running into the fire while my ex and her friend made the boyfriend food. (which I bought by the way) Literally the guy assaulted his girl, threatened to shoot me, and put his child in danger and my girlfriends reaction was to make him a hamburger. I was thrown.
Towards the end of the night its starting to calm down and I was coming back from collecting firewood. The boyfriend had moved his vehicle closer to the campsite but was still not interacting with the rest of the group. When I get back my exes friend is blocking my chair so I grab another from my trunk and offer it to her so I can sit down next to my girlfriend. Apparently the boyfriend was offended by this and actually spoke to me directly for the first time by stating that I needed to pay attention to my girl and if I talked to his again he would shoot me.
I had no idea how to react; this is now the second time this dude has threatened my life with a firearm and both times with no reaction from anyone. I tell my ex again that we need to leave and I was once again dismissed. Keep in mind there is no signal at this campground; so we are completely cut off from the outside world. It was already late so everyone turned in for the night shortly after. The next morning we pack up the campsite to go home.
When we get back to my apartment, I confirm with my ex everything that happened. She did confirm that the boyfriend had threatened to shoot me twice. Like I said earlier; I say he hit his girl my ex says he pushed her out of the way. Whatever; same difference. She also confirmed she understood that because the toddler was there it made everything that happened an act of child abuse. My goal for the conversation was to get my ex to report what happened so I could sit in the background and just confirm what she was saying was true.
However, my ex just kept trying to say that this was normal behavior by her friends boyfriend and that she wasn't going to do anything. I tried to reiterate over and over that this was not "Normal" behavior and that by not reporting what happened we could be considered liable if something worse happened in the future. I am not a mandated reporter but, I clearly understood that if I was; what happened would have been a mandatory report.
My ex then blew up at me and accused me of being and asshole and trying to isolate her from her friend. This was the farthest thing from the truth; since when I was told the boyfriend was abusive, I told my ex since I hadn't seen anything I couldn't do anything but, if her friend had no where to go and wanted to leave she was more than welcome to crash in my spare room. I had to go to work to get ready for the upcoming week so I couldn't keep arguing with her and started getting ready to head out. I told her we would discuss it when I got back and left for work. While I was showering I did consider kicking her out for not taking what happened more seriously but, I decided against it because overall I still liked her at that point and I didn't want her not to have anywhere to go.
While I am at work I text her an apology because admittedly I was mean at the end when she wouldn't take what happened seriously. I told her I still didn't know exactly what I needed to do but that the boyfriends behavior was completely unacceptable. She texts me back that she was breaking up with me and going to stay with her brother. I was a little shocked by this as we had not had any disagreements up until this point and I pressed her to figure out why. At first she lied and tried to say it had nothing to do with the argument and was because she wasn't ready for a relationship. I moved past the fact we had already been in a relationship for two months, she had me in her phone as daddy, was living with me, and had started receiving mail at my apartment and just accepted that she wanted to leave.
When I got back to my apartment a couple of hours later she had already packed her stuff and left. I was sad but I have been through a lot of breakups with women I liked so this wasn't new to me. I started going through my apartment to make sure all my stuff was still there and her stuff was gone. I did reach out to here that night because I wanted her to come get the stuff she had left and at least give me the opportunity to speak my peace in person. At this point I still thought she left because she wasn't ready for a relationship and that she was at her brothers.
At the end of the night, I called her expecting her to be at her brothers, she answered and instead I found out she was at her friends? Yes the one with the boyfriend who had just threatened to shoot me, had assaulted her friend, and put his child in clear danger due to his emotional tantrum. This was the only time I truly snapped at her because I couldn't believe she would do something like that. Two things became clear to me 1.) She never cared about me and was just using me for a free place to stay and free food. Which honestly I wouldn't have cared about if she had just been honest about it. And 2.) She was no longer a witness to what had happened, she was an accessory as she was actively trying to deter me from reporting the behavior.
My understanding of the statues around child abuse is that any action taken in an attempt to conceal child abuse makes you an accessory to said child abuse. Because of all that the feelings I had for her immediately died. I decided to sleep on everything and the next day I wrote out everything that happened and emailed it myself to time stamp the report. I gave it to a coworker that I trusted just to confirm I wasn't crazy. She is a mandated reporter and her words to me were that I absolutely did need to report what happened and that if I didn't she would. So I got the number that I needed to call from my coworker and filed a police report at my local police station. A few days later CPS did pay them a visit and I received a lot of nasty texts accusing me of filing the report because she broke up with me and intentionally trying to get the child taken by child services.
She even tried to say she wanted to get back together later when she was "in a better headspace" I called bullshit because to me and everyone I have told this story to she broke up with me in order to avoid the confrontation and distract me from making the report. Her admission confirmed that her plan was to come back when I had forgotten about what had happened. I quickly told her coming back was not an option for her and that I was not interested in her anymore. AITAH?
Also an update that happened last week, some different friends of my ex reached out to me on FB. I had only met these friends once so I was suspicious as to why they reached out. They did invite me over and looking back I think they were just wanting to get the full scoop on what happened as my ex had told them virtually nothing and had been overly vague as to why we had broken up.
I told them the full story to the best of my ability and they confirmed that similar incidents had happened in the past with the couple and that they do not associate with my exes friends due to the boyfriends behavior. I also learned that apparently one of my exes brothers was on my side and thought his sister was a "fucking idiot."
My exes friends apologized to me and expressed their support and agreed I did the right thing. NGL finding that out did really validate me because it was clear to me my ex was trying to protect her friends abuser but I still didn't understand why. What I have tried to believe, in order to not have so much negative emotion towards my ex, is that in her mind she feels like if she is there with her friend she will be safe. Also if anybody asks the neighbors would be shit witnesses to what happened, they were both under 21, highly intoxicated, and while I'm not sure what they are on narcotics wise. I am 90% sure they get it from the boyfriend. I apologize if this was to long of a read but AITAH?

Its officially one month after the last post about my homelessness situation. I wasnt going to update but i received this odd message from something about the crisis hotline and Thats never happened before. So my first thought was, "oh god atleast one of them thinks Im dead". As you can see, Im fine. Little sick but thats just a passing cold from getting wet in rain once or twice. Sorry for worrying you, whoever you are. This routine has been stressful but despite that, Im chugging on. Ive made some great friends in this shelter, all of them twice my age but theyre pretty chill. Some of them even randomly give me food. Without further a do, heres some other odd things that I experienced

1. In my particular shelter they have "snack time" and when I asked them why its not called a meal even though its hot and filling (For my little ass atleast) And the rep said something like, "It doesnt have much nutritional value so we legally arent allowed to call it a meal" luckily they also have bowls of fruit if youre fast enough and worried about nutrition.
2. Food related again. Ill eat pretty much anything filling, tasty and smells non lethal. Its probably a stress response to being hungry most of the time. So you can guess how surprised i was when i got into the shelter last night and found alot of extra snacks sitting by the microwave. And only because they had fish. I love fish, but apparently nobody else in the shelter does, so... Ate good.
3. Rain SUCKS! i hate hate hate HATE rain!!! . Especially since I dont live in a walkable city. Its getting everything in my backpack wet and I dont have a rain coat or umbrella so rain ruins my entire day! So invest in foot powder, when your shoes get wet they start smelling really bad.
4. The bus fare will catch up with you. I cant speak for everyone, but my workplace is a 2 hour walk, and i for the life of me cant treck that. So in short, a month of bus fare, to and from work is 60 dollars. Do you have any idea how many packets of ramen noodles that is? Get a bike. Just get a cheap bike from a pawnshop. Even when your not homeless bikes are awesome for transportation.
5. For a few brief moments alittle transphobia happened. I was woken up early by some yelling and peaked out from my bunk and the older guys was yelling something like, "Whys he in there." Then he made eye contact with me and tried to get in the dorm. But of course, since he isnt a lady pretty much every other woman with beds near the door starting chewing him out like they birthed him. He backed off but he still stares at me weird.
6. Sleep apnea, apparently having ear buds or headphones to cover your ears cant really help. The dorm isnt that big so somebody snoring or having night terrors wakes everyone up. I dont have earbuds anymore but thankfully im too tired to get woken up by stuff like that.
7. Some of the people in the shelter your in might be registered sex offenders. I thought it was stupid too, but i over heard one of the questions a new person was asked. "Have you beej convicted or accused of any sex related crimes" and the Rep followed it up with, "you wont be turned away specifically due to this." I personally think assaulters shouldnt be allowed to access shelters or any kind of support after what they did but I dont make the rules.
8. Mail. I dont remember if I covered this last time but where does the mail go if you have no home? Ask the shelter if you have the option to use this place as a place to receive mail. Mine accepts mail for anyone, bf used it to send me a birthday present.

And thats it, overall nothing too bad happened to me. Most of the big problems revolve around rain and transportation since im in a shelter now. I probably wont be updating again until Im housed again. Farewell.

I’ve been a lurker for a while but this has been on my mind lately and I wanted some insight from others. Bear with me, it’s gonna be a long one cuz there’s a lot of back story.
So, about 2 years ago I was doing lashes and started my own business and I met a woman, let’s call her Jen. Jen had 3 dogs that lived with her and her bf. She worked a lot and he did too but from home so it worked for the dogs. Except one of them, let’s call him Buddy. So they had found Buddy as a stray and took him in. He was a 90lb pit bull mix, super sweet but also barely 2 so he was still in his puppy phase a bit and VERY playful. Anyway she tells me that she’s trying to find a home for him and I tell her that my bf (at the time) really wanted his own dog.
So we talk about the dog she tells me he’s house trained and whatnot and I also talk to my bf and we agree to take the dog. We go get him shortly after and bring him home and she tells me “if you ever can’t take care of him please let me know and we’ll come take him back”. Things were fine at first since I already have a dog and they got along really well and played all the time. But then he started pooping in the house and generally just being fairly destructive. I was living in an apt so I didn’t have a yard but it was an 800+ sq ft loft with 2 floors and they had plenty of room to play in and plenty of toys for enrichment. And we took them on 2 30 min walks every day (plus shorter ones for bathroom breaks). Still he would poop in the house while we were working. And I wasn’t working much at this time, but I felt I couldn’t leave him free in the house and I do not like locking dogs in their kennel unless I really need to.
So next time I see her I ask her why she lied about him being house broken and she basically tells me that “well we just let him outside and he goes” and tells me he doesn’t really know how to use a leash or wait to use the bathroom. Like…this is a 90 lb dog and you DIDNT actually train him…at all?? And then lied about it?? Obviously I was upset but still kept him because I made the commitment.
A few weeks later, me and my bf got into a HUGE fight. We had spent the night drinking beer, listening to music, and playing video games and around 3 am he went to the bathroom. After about 30 min it was really quiet in the house so I assumed he went to bed and got ready to go upstairs myself. When I got up there he was in the bathroom so I laid in bed and started reading a book on my phone. He came out and asked if I was reading and when I said yes he sighed SUPER hard and I was like umm wtf? And he tried to say he just felt nauseous. I said “feeling nauseous ain’t never made me sigh like that but ok”. He gets upset that I “assumed” the sigh was towards me. I say “if I answer a question and you sigh right after it’s logical for me to assume it was towards me” and he says he understands and agrees. I try to go to sleep.
Here’s where it all blew up. He gets to going on and on about how I always assume the worst and I’m this and that and blah blah. It’s 330 am and I’m like fuck this I’m just gonna go. I start to get dressed and he gets to saying all this awful stuff about me like “you never loved me, you’re a horrible person” accuses me of cheating on him constantly. And at one point I just said “I’m gonna just agree to everything you say cuz I’m not arguing with you. He says “you prolly finna go fuck another nigga” I tell him yes I am. “You don’t love me” I tell him he’s right I don’t. He loses his shit. He’s literally screaming at me calling me a bitch, saying fuck you over and over, telling me how awful I am and how only somebody fucked up could lead him on like that, etc. It was honestly worse but I think you get the point.
One of the last things he does before he leaves is look me in my eyes and say “I’m gonna fucking k*ll myself and it’s your fault”. For reference, my first bf committed suicide a week after my 17th birthday. I was obviously devastated and traumatized by this and he knew about it. He said it to hurt me. Needless to say, the next day when he tried apologizing I simply told him I was done.
Fast forward a couple weeks and he’s still around cuz he didn’t really have anywhere else to go and I’m too kindhearted to let someone I cared about be homeless so he was sleeping on my couch. Me and an old ex got back in touch (we were still friends but distant) and he invited me to come see his house he had recently bought and to show me an album he’d been working on. I agreed and my ex (one living with me) overheard and was clearly upset but I told him it’s none of his business.
Next day I go over it ended up getting really late so I just stayed over there. Next morning I get a text telling me that my ex was in the hospital because he tried to commit suicide. His sister found him and he was gonna be in the hospital for a few days. This sent me into an emotional and mental spiral because I couldn’t help but blame myself. At the same time, I’m still talking care of both the dogs but it was just too much. So I reached out to Jen and tell her I’m really having a rough time mentally and I could really use some help and if she could please take him back. She basically tells me “it’s not a good time for us right now”. So I tell her that I’ll keep him until I find a home for him.
A few days later I could finally talk to my ex in the hospital and at first things were fine and then he started blaming me for what he did and I just couldn’t take it. I told him he needed to get all his things out of my house when he was better and he needed to find somewhere for his dog to go. Also again I reached out to Jen to see if she could take him. She still couldn’t and eventually my ex found a place for him. An older couple that his grandmother was close with had recently lost their dog who was about the same size. They also lived on a ranch. We thought it was perfect and so my ex took him there to live with them.
Probably about a week later I see Jen and she asks me about Buddy and I tell her what happened and that we rehomed him. She was really upset and was telling me that she didn’t know I needed help that bad and if she did she would have taken him back. Mind you, I asked her at least twice to take him and she said no. I reminded her of this and she said if she knew it was that bad she would have helped. I say I don’t think I should have to explain every detail of what’s going on in my life for her to understand that I needed help.
She was really upset still. And she texted me later saying how her and her bf had both been crying and how much they loved Buddy. But like…if you love him so much why not take him back?? Didn’t and still doesn’t make sense to me. Anyway that pretty much ended our friendship and I haven’t heard from her since. I don’t really think I did anything wrong but for some reason it’s been on my mind a lot lately. So AITA for rehoming the dog?
Tl;dr Me and bf adopted a dog from someone I knew. We broke up and he tried to unalive himself. I tried to give the dog back because I was spiraling mentally and they said no. I rehomed the dog to an older couple that lived on a ranch. The person I got the dog from was very upset and we haven’t talked since.

I (16f) have celebrated my birthday for the first time ever this year. I've invited 6 people, but I'm not close to 3 of them.
Before i explain anything, i know for sure that I AM THE ASSHOLE for not telling them prior that i wasn't paying for them.
The birthday was in a pizzeria.
While we were deciding what to order and joking and laughing, i brought it up jokingly the fact that i wasn't paying for them.
3 out of six people were shocked and didn't have the money (but it wasn't an issue because i brought some, just in case somebody couldn't pay on their own and needed to borrow)
note: they all know that I'm not in a good economic situation, i couldn't ask my parents the money so it was all money i got from work.
Now i have 2 questions: 1 "AITA for not paying for my birthday dinner?" 2 "are they the assholes for taking the fact that i would pay for granted"?

In the legend of the Pied Piper, the Mayor and council agree to pay the Piper a large sum of money (1000 guilders, according to the poem) to get rid of their rats, but once he was finished and asked for payment, the Mayor quickly backtracked and offered him a much smaller sum instead, reasoning that the rats were dead and couldn't be brought back so they didn't need the Piper anymore. I know it's just a legend, but assuming for the sake of argument that it's true, and that the Piper performed a job for the town and the Mayor refused to pay, what could the Piper actually do about it? Could he sue, and if so how would he collect? Would he make a complaint to the local count or duke or somebody? Or was he just out of luck?

I've been friend with her for almost two years. We're both female and nothing ambiguous ever happened between us. She is indeed into girls and I am into boys and currently into a relationship.
Last week, as I was throwing a party for my bf's birthday, her ex girlfriend was here since they're close friend. I was quite upset since my friend tried to end her life not so long ago "because" of her, bit she is still his friend I used to consider her as a friend too.
During the party we talked because I wanted to at least hear her side of the story, and there she told me how the girl I thought to be my friend kept telling everyone that I'd "forcibly" kissed her and "gropped" her.
I did not. There is so many logical reasons to that, but only two are needed : first, we've been friends for almost two years, if I was really into her, I would have made a move before getting with someone. Seconde, I got with my boyfriend the day before I "assaulted" her, why would I forcefully make a move on her while being in a relationship. Fidelity is a must for me, I see no point in getting with someone if your real intentions are to get with somebody else (no judgment, just an opinion).
Shortly after, she stopped responding to my text for a while and at first I was confused, I didn't understand,but I just assumed she wasn't in a "good phase" since she used to do that from time to time. On the night of the party, I found out that these sweet and innocent texts from me were being used by her to show to her friend group how a much of a "monster" I am.
She recently got hospitalised after trying to end herself upon her breakup (breakup too that never existed, she made it all up). My best friend and I went to visit her, and I made a great choice by asking him to come since otherwise she could have kept going this false narrative around me being an assaulter.
By the way, her friends who used to think (since I had a conversation with them after learning all this) I was an assaulter were surprised about me going to see her and she just went one by saying that I felt "guilty" and I just wanted to "torture" her more in "her journey of healing". Her words. Not mine.
Now here comes the problem. We're in the same class, we see each other everyday from 8am to 7pm, and now I don't know what to do. She came back from a month away from class today and first thing in the morning she tried to do was talking to me.
Of course, after learning all this I distanced myself from her, I totally ignored ber, but I want someobody whom is aside from the story to give me advices and a sincere opinion on the situation. Thank you for your time.

I've never baked before. I want to make a cake and maybe some little treats for a super special somebody's birthday all on my own, but I have no clue what things I need or what kind of cake to make that won't fail spectacularly. Does anyone have any good suggestions or resources I could use to learn? I wanna make it perfect for him. Thanks in advance!

My sister just got awarded disability for fibromyalgia a few days ago, and I have some mixed feelings about it and would like some advice on what to do.
For some background on my sister:
I can't remember her ever working a regular job. She has been on government support for as long as I could remember, but always had side jobs like cleaning houses. She always said that that the reason for her not being able to get a job or further education was because she got a bad back from working. This bad back has never hindered her in taking care of five horses, moving around heavy things, going out partying or hunting, so a lot of people always questioned it.
The thing is that a few years ago she got compensation from her back injury. This was both a lot of money and made me think that there must be something wrong for her to get compensation. She has lived well of the stipends she gets and often talks about being the most financially stable of us siblings.
Then about two years ago I was told by my social worker, that she wanted me to apply for disability pension, because she didn’t think I could get a job. (I was born with Cerebral Palsy Hemiplegia, which is basically a brain injury that damaged the part of my brain that controls the right side of my body, so my right arm doesn’t work, and I have trouble walking. And I had a surgery on my left arm that didn’t go well and now I have problems with that arm too.)
After I applied to disability, my sister said she wanted to apply for disability too because she had fibromyalgia and couldn’t work because of the pain. I understand that fibromyalgia isn’t something you can see on a person, and I understand working through the pain, because I’m in constant pain but I have never heard her talk about it before. The only time she mentions she is in pain is when somebody else says they are in pain. Fx I say I can’t go shopping with her, because my legs hurt, suddenly she will talk about her legs hurting too. I is also worth noting that she has helped my parents do physical labor and never once complained about pain of any kind.
Anyway, I got my disability pension last year, she got hers a couple of days ago and went paddle boarding to celebrate and she is now talking about getting a handicap placard because she can’t walk that far.
I kept thinking that I didn’t want to say anything, because I have been questioned a lot on whether I needed disability pension, because most people can’t tell I’m disabled just by looking at me. But yesterday I was looking through some pictures and videos I had taken of some birthday parties and such. The videos are pretty shaky because my hands, but in one you can see my sister helping to lift a couch, in another she is giving our niece a piggyback ride and in a third she is carrying her 20 year old daughter, like she is a baby. I have pictures of her working around her farm too, doing a lot of physical labor.
This began to irritate me. Our parents are over 60. Our mom goes to work every day despite a bad back and dad’s cancer diagnosis didn’t stop him from going to work, because it’s the only way they can make ends meet. And I feel like if she is faking this, she is not appreciating how hard they worked for us to be able to have a good start.
So I was thinking about sending her social worker the pictures and videos I have, because if she is faking a disability knowing the medical problems I went through and how hard our parents worked for us, just so she doesn’t have to work and take care of her horses and go hunting and whatever. I think that is pretty disgusting. On the other hand, if my sister's disability pension is taken away, she will be right back where she started. She has no education beyond the 9th grade and as I said before, I can’t remember her ever working a regular job, so I don’t think her prospects are good if I do this.
A part of me is also wondering if I'm doing this out of jealousy. My sister and I have had issues in the past and it does irritate me how easily she seems to get disability, while doing all these physical things, where I have to hear from social workers how I’m not that disabled because I can stand up.
So what do I do here? Should I just leave it be or do something about it?

I’m so furious about giving one last chance to psychologists as people, and I regret it.
My first experience with psychologist happened when I was a kid and my mental sicknesses were developing rapidly. Yet instead of a visit to psychiatrist, my mom led me to a psychologist who had been making a fool of me for two damn years! She saw the obvious development of my suicidal tendencies and multiple mental disorders, yet was lying to me on purpose: “It’s just a phase, dear. It will go away. There’s nothing to worry about, dear. It will go away on its own. You’re not mentally ill”. The result: now by the age of 19 I’ve got major depressive disorder, complex PTSD, dermatilomania and total sexual dysfunction — all in advanced form.
In the end I realized that I need to go to a psychiatrist and so I did — literally the best decision of my life. My psychiatrist helped me a lot with powerful medicine, yet asked me to go to psychologist. So, I was calming myself: “Not all the psychologists are frauds, right? This time it will be a normal one, they’ll help me”
How stupid were I!
The second psychologist was even worse than the previous one. She was smiling at my every trauma confession, as if somebody gave her 2000 bucks for birthday. I couldn’t endured this, so I asked:
“The hell are you smiling at?”
“ Why can I not smile?”
“Well, at least because you must help me and must show at least some respect towards my feelings with a serious face”
“But I understand your feelings. I understand what you’ve gone through”
“No, you’re not. You’ve never gone through the same. How can you understand that?”
“I understand and I know because you’ve just told me about those feelings”.
I was speechless.
The last straw was her disrespect towards my feelings about my abusive mother. The psychologist said, that I must let go of my anger, because I supposedly suffer from my anger and not from my mom’s abuse, because the abuse is in the past, while my anger is in the present, and if I don’t let go of my emotions, I’d not be a good Christian.
I flipped her off and left the room.
Dear brothers and sisters, if you feel depressed, don’t go to those Zigmund Fraud’s sect adepts. They are worse than any toxic friend and will cause only more damage. Go only to real scientists — psychiatrists. They will help you with real medicine, and not with abracadabra magic calming words and breathing exercises. Only real science can help.

TLDR uBPD Mum wrote her twin daughters a birthday poem but sent it twelve days late, full of innacuracies and with a request to visit one of them. The request is for a fictional exhibition in a specific date range. She forwarded her original message to the other twin without to editing out the visit request or making an attempt to cover the fact it was written for the first twin and sent to the other as an after thought.
Context A birthday poem sent to me an hour after it was sent to my twin sister. It was also 12 days after our actual birthday, neither of us heard from uBPD mum on the day (I've asked her not to contact me but she thinks that my sister & I are 1 entity so even though my sister is still in contact with her, mum treats her like she is not). My sister (Twin1) trained in fine art in the city she now works in. She is not currently making art so has no idea what exhibition uBPD mum refers to in the poem. I have marked lies/inaccuracies with an * I've asterisked the line about being a proud mum and gran because if she was so proud, why does she make no mention of wanting to see her 2 grand sons on this trip to the city to see my sister at her exhibition? She hasn't seen her grandsons in at least a year despite visiting near by their city in our small country twice last year. She didn't even tell my sister she was in the area until my sister phoned to wish uBPD mum happy birthday on her birthday February this year.
Poem
Twin1 and Twin2 38 today * That's just not possible no way Where has the time gone Times flies sadly that's so true Doesn't seem that long ago when Myself and Twin2 went to the zoo.
You were and are my sunshine of Hometown on Gala My beautiful twin daughters living in bonnie Hometown Bay A prouder mum I could not be how you both excelled and now you both have your own family You get to experience the love and joy like I had and still have as I reflect on my wonderful family tree When you hurried home excitedly to show all the things you had lovingly made for me
You were always caring and sharing Even at such a young age so helpful too. Remember girls I was on the phone to uBPD Gran When you flushed Twin2 nappy down the loo I was panic stricken and mortified when the neighbour below said it had flooded her too.
I loved my plants* .it was a not easy to maintain with two Mischieves monkeys who tipped them upside down . It was funny but I also did frown Before you knew it we were back to laughing and getting along Happy again and full of song
Love shack was your favourite tune I loved that song too you could sing it to the moon Love shack baby love shack Oh to hear you sing that song would bring It all right back
The time we all got such a fright Twin 1 When you accidentally bumped into a light Well lamp post * Out of the three of us who was startled the most?
You were fine ,you got a war wound scar Was it the left or right side I can't remember I think it was your right eye It was so long ago at the time you were very shy
Twin 2 walked into a gate * I was dumstruck only seconds too late* You got a scar on your eyes too By then I was beside myself and did not know what to do !
Almost in the space of a year You each have a scar by your eye Which side they are on your eye is unclear Now you parents yourself you know what I mean How quickly things can happen Even when your close by to the scene
Bless the wee lady above is in Hometown She used to shout girls you whoo seconds later it was raining milkyways all over you I could only chuckle when I realised I too Along with uBPD dister we went to our neighbour for our daily rations of sweeties too * And to this day I believe my mum never knew.
Remember when you got up early and Oh my you got hold of the butter I think I was in a flutter Butter in the rods of the Wendy house it was everywhere If I recall righghtly it was in your hair.
You used to trick people switching places * Sometimes you did trip up on your laces You tried to fool me but that was not so easy * However tricking your pals and strangers was easy peasy.*
The things you have done this uBPD Mum and gran could not be more proud of you You won a camera for your ambulance picture Twin2 you designed the school logo in highschool too Is there no end to your talents You both excelled and followed your career Which I never regretted not being able to As th minute I knew I was expecting I always prioritised you* and am a proud mum of twins with 5 wonderful grandchildren too*
The trips we went to beech and picnics with aunt The endless pictures are wonderful memories of happy times with you I still have her special multi coloured umbrella Where we often seemed shelter under it too
So many more memories this is some of them I just want to ask you Twin 1 can I come with my friend M or F and see your exhibition* city between 23 rd and 29 th Sept I love seeing all that you can do and have done
Your pictures in the cafe The story about wellies and where they travelled from faraway I believe it was Canada And you made a wellington cast Now it's a focal point for tourists and everyone to see.*
I often look at the screen you both made me made before I moved country All the gifts over the years cards and mementos each one speaks words to me When you gave me the picture and chair for my birthday .
That incredible exhibition in the gallery when you made a clear curtain and even there there is a story
I understand if you say no don't come .I hope and pray one day we will all Be together again surrounded by my family.Until that joyous day comes remember I carry love in my heart for you all eternally❤️

6 months ago, I became friends on Facebook with a lovely girl from my country, India. We used to speak very rarely, like twice a month for just 5 minutes, as I was often busy sharing memes on my wall. Gradually, she started reacting to every post I shared, and our conversations increased to 4 or 5 times a month.
One day, I asked for her phone number, which she promptly gave me. Despite becoming WhatsApp friends, I didn't message her until my birthday the next month when she called me, and we spoke for an hour. Eventually, I started developing feelings for her and confessed my feelings, surprising her. However, she expressed hesitance about relationships, citing a serious breakup from two years prior.
Afterward, she began ignoring me, and when I asked what was wrong, she claimed to be unwell. Feeling frustrated, I unfriended her on Facebook and blocked her on WhatsApp. Despite this, she sent a food recipe video to my Facebook messenger.
After unblocking her on WhatsApp, I wrote her a beautiful poem, and she responded positively, expressing happiness. However, she resumed ignoring me afterward. Feeling frustrated, I decided to express my feelings, stating that I felt I wasn't the one she was looking for, and suggested we should part ways. She replied, "What can I say? I want you to succeed in your life."
I didn't respond, and it's been two weeks since I blocked her on WhatsApp (though not on Facebook), where I still see her online frequently. Despite this, I refrain from messaging her.

6 months ago, I became friends on Facebook with a lovely girl from my country, India. We used to speak very rarely, like twice a month for just 5 minutes, as I was often busy sharing memes on my wall. Gradually, she started reacting to every post I shared, and our conversations increased to 4 or 5 times a month.
One day, I asked for her phone number, which she promptly gave me. Despite becoming WhatsApp friends, I didn't message her until my birthday the next month when she called me, and we spoke for an hour. Eventually, I started developing feelings for her and confessed my feelings, surprising her. However, she expressed hesitance about relationships, citing a serious breakup from two years prior.
Afterward, she began ignoring me, and when I asked what was wrong, she claimed to be unwell. Feeling frustrated, I unfriended her on Facebook and blocked her on WhatsApp. Despite this, she sent a food recipe video to my Facebook messenger.
After unblocking her on WhatsApp, I wrote her a beautiful poem, and she responded positively, expressing happiness. However, she resumed ignoring me afterward. Feeling frustrated, I decided to express my feelings, stating that I felt I wasn't the one she was looking for, and suggested we should part ways. She replied, "What can I say? I want you to succeed in your life."
I didn't respond, and it's been two weeks since I blocked her on WhatsApp (though not on Facebook), where I still see her online frequently. Despite this, I refrain from messaging her.

My mum bought me musical tickets for my birthday, which I've been really excited for, but my day off work was rejected. This is my fault since I didn't realise I had work that day so left with only ~2 months when I booked, which is fairly short notice during the summer at my workplace.
I told my mum and offered to pay the difference to change the date we attend, and obviously said that if that wasn't possible then she could still go with somebody else, but she's really upset at me for being careless and not booking it off immediately.
I'm aware it's my fault that I didn't book it off earlier, but I don't think it's reasonable to be angry with me when only I stand to lose and I'm doing everything I can to find a solution.