CW: lots of talk about weight
idk if this is the right sub to post it, also english isn’t my first language
bit of background, i have been overweight since childhood it is just my body and i led quite an active lifestyle like walking long distances and being a person who loves jumping around and crawling and just being all over the place, like my weight did not cause me any health issues or lifestyle ones. I had an accident months ago and was bed bound at home for 5 months then started standing and doing a bit of short distance walking in the apartment and standing
now i’m able to like leave my house with assistance to go to physical therapy and back, and it is a PAIN to deal with those physical therapists
once they see me they r like “u should really lose weight so physical therapy can have an impact” so i ask how they recommend i lose weight since i cannot walk i cannot run or bend down so i cannot go to the gym so they just recommend eating less since i’m not moving much then in the same breath say i am not eating enough so my body and bones heal from the accident like WHAT
the thing is the weight they r recommending to lose is like over half of my body weight, i weight i never was since i was like 13, im almost 21 now, like ik some times losing weight does help but it just feels like it is not coming from a place of helping but like being fatphobic if that makes sense???
before the accident i was like 105 kg and rn i am 114 kg, he says a healthy weight is 60 kg🤓
the main problem with my movement is that i was just laying in bed for months because the nerves in my leg were busted , now i can move my leg but i can’t feel my leg so like when i’m standing i can’t feel the floor in my foot but u can feel it in my thigh if that makes sense. what i mean to say is i don’t feel like i’m heavy on my feet? i’m just not used to not feeling my body? so like since i cannot feel that leg, i don’t put much weight on it and all on the other so it strains it and makes it hurt and sore all the time. i am trying to break that and learning to like trust my leg although i can’t feel it (although i can’t feel it and i was bed bound cuz i couldn’t move it, the drs said it was weight bearing before discharging me from the hospital)
everyone in my life before the accident was always urging me to lose weight “for my health” but i was healthy and like when i went to dr’s n proved it that shut them up but now this like apparently is na invitation for everyone to shit on my weight and spill all their nasty thoughts out loud “for my own good”
it just feels so like unfair cuz when i ask what they want me to do about my weight or how to lose it it is just silence cuz what do i do? i have less than average movement in my day atm and i cannot do exercise safely and since i was bed bound for so long i lost some mobility and range of motion
i am no doctor and maybe my weight is the problem but idk how to feel about it or take any advice in good faith yk?
like in my mind, my body was fine with that weight my whole life? i can stand without pain and stay standing for a long while, it is walking and like going form sitting to standing that hurts and it hurts where i broke bones so i thought it was cuz yk I BROKE BONES LOL
i’m so conflicted cuz before the accident it took me so long to accept myself and love myself and be happy about my body and i was for a long while cuz i battled so many similar sentiments regarding my weight from my community and like embraced myself because they did not hold any truth in my case and they were not actually looking out for me. but now do they hold some truth? i just don’t know how to manage this relationship between myself and my weight and physical therapy i don’t know. am i doing myself a disservice for not actively seeking weight loss? usually i would just exist and would lose weight in the summer cuz it was sunny and i live in a walkable city i just go all around and in winter i would gain it back cuz i’m under the covers but i didn’t mind it is just human and how my body is.
and like selfishly, i don’t wanna lose weight. i can’t imagine myself being thin and i don’t want to, i love all my clothes and dont wanna buy new ones. i love the way my body sits and how chubby it is like when i look at pics of myself i just can’t imagine being thin and i love what i’m looking at. once we had some family pics taken and the photographer made me thinner without permission, we asked him to like not to do that and he fixed it but like looking at it it was just weird to me like is this how i should aspire to look? it wasn’t a bad frankenstein photoshop look or anything like if u looked at it without ever seeing me in perosn u would think it is me n real cuz it was good editing just not what i looked like. and i hated it like i never wanna change to be that??
i don’t know what kind of replies to this i’m expecting or wanting? insight? support? i haven’t been disabled before this but i have been always fat so maybe input from those with similar experience? am i overreacting or overthinking this?
i’m sorry this is all over the place i just have a lot of feelings and idk where to post them, if you made it this far. thank you for taking the time to read this

Exhausted college student (22F) on the verge of a breakdown here.
My dad has never been good- no good memories, constant arguments with mom, and zero financial support. Things got even worse recently after mom's hip surgery. We live in a big house, but it's a mess - overflowing trash, disgusting cat litter, and a 15-year-old dog who needs to be let out frequently or he’ll have an accident. I'm constantly cleaning, cooking, and caring for mom while juggling my final semester.
When mom came home from the hospital, she needed help with everything - dressing, eating, even showering. “Shockingly”, no help came from dad. He even got mad if lunch wasn't ready by 11 AM (lunch is the main meal here). To make things even harder, I don't have a driver's license. So, I walk 1 kilometer each way to grocery shop, carrying heavy stuff like 5-6 liters milk, because my dad refuses to help. He even blames me if something runs out! The bathroom situation is another disaster. Dad decided to "fix" the shower himself, so we were without it for a week. He was rude to mom the entire time, making her cry, and then refused to let a professional fix it even though mom offered to pay! Now, thanks to him, our wall is going to get water damage. I'm a terrible sleeper, and to top it all off, Dad sleeps constantly during the day and gets upset if anyone makes a noise. This week, with my crucial exams approaching, I desperately needed to study.
The final straw happened today. Unable to sleep since 2:30 AM, I asked my Dad to keep the dog from scratching at my door (his usual bathroom signal) as my mom is still not very mobile. He completely ignored me, and after a while, I had to get up to avoid an accident. My father layed down to sleep. I saw red I woke him up conforted him he started playing the victim as he arrived home midnight (woke up at 5) yada yada I went to sleep at 11 btw I told him he is not f ing special then he stormed of.
I'm at my wit's end. My exams are crucial, and I'm exhausted. Dad's negativity and inconsideration are suffocating. I want to cut contact, move to my grandma's after my exams, but mom needs another surgery on her other hip in November, and she could really use help. My brother might be able to visit occasionally, but my university is far away if I’ll get accepted to Masters.
So, the question is WIBTA if I prioritized my well-being and left my amazing mom in a difficult situation?

Apologies for long post, tldr at bottom.
My father passed away recently without a Will. Well, there was a Will, but apparently it is too vague and unable to be used im being told. It was basically just a hand written note saying that he wanted to give all his property to his sister (they lived together and she cared for him). That was it. From my conversations with him prior to death, he said she was then supposed to distribute his estate between his 4 children (of which I am the youngest).
He didn't have too much really. He lived with his sister and I think he might have owned one or two small properties.
Where it gets complicated is that he was in the middle of an ongoing lawsuit for about the last 1.5 yrs due to a bad car accident where he was hit and injured. He had been in and out of the hospital due to his back getting really messed up, greatly limiting his mobility. His quality of life greatly deteriorated after the accident.
Where it gets more complicated, is the nature of his death. He was back and forth between the nursing home and hospital due to his diabetes and fighting an infection. Well, while at the nursing home, he fell twice in 12 hours and hit his head. His condition deteriorated badly after the falls. He was forgetting things and his face was badly swollen. According to my oldest sister (a nurse), the nursing home didn't report/follow-up on these falls correctly. She requested he be given a cat-scan but I guess that never happened. She wants to sue and paid for an autopsy to be administered.
Both my oldest sister (the eldest child) and me (youngest child) were closest with my father. He had no real relationship with the two middle children. Problem is, both my older sister and I live out of state. I'm being told that means neither of us can be the administrator in Ohio. The two middle children live in state. My Aunt and older sister went to an attorney and drafted up a "Waiver of Right to Administer Form" that would appoint my Aunt as the Administrator. The form has been sent to all four children to sign.
My older sister signed the form and said that I should too as we are ineligible to take the roll. We have no idea what the middle children will do.
My questions are:

1. Should I sign this form? Is signing the form exempting me from my rights or potential inheritance? Is it true my eldest sister and I essentially have bo other choice while living out of state? Again, this isball taking place in Ohio.
   
2. What if one of the middle siblings do not sign and apply to be Administrator? Will they be able to stiff us and keep the money for themselves? Or will they be forced to split the money evenly between us four?
   

TLDR- Dad died in Ohio without Will. My eldest sister and I (the youngest) live out of state and are being told to sign a form appointing my Aunt as Administrator of the estate. Should I sign this form? Two middle children whonlive in state, may not want to sign form, then what? Potential lawsuit against nursing home die to the nature of my father's death is coming down the road.

I'm getting more interested in music, and my Hyper X Cloud 2 is very worn. I figured I'd upgrade and try something specifically for higher quality in music, see if it lets me feel the bass and treble more strongly, as well as let me identify and tell apart the instruments and sounds better. I'm not sure, but I think I'm feeling like i want more than what this headset can do for me.
Gaming is not a necessary consideration, I don't play FPS or anything that benefits from specialized audio equipment. For mic input I'll probably just buy a Lavalier and clip it somewhere. I am open to open-back suggestions too, not just closed back.

• Budget - 200$-300$, Flexible upwards
• Source/Amp - Windows 10 Desktop PC, Samsung S24 with USB-C dongles like the Apple USB-C, or the CX31993 (I'm open to getting a stronger portable DAC for my phone if needed to drive the headphone you recommend)
• How the gear will be used - On the go at hospitals and malls, as well as at home on the PC when pulling up music.
• Preferred tonal balance - Tonally balanced, I'll use EQ if I want to lean in either direction.
• Preferred music genre(s) - Rock, EDM, J-Pop, Vocaloid
• Past gear experience:
• Cooler Master MH-752 - Detachable mic and it's look made it okay for taking on the go, was very comfortable too. I have fond memories of it. It does look a little plain to me now though, but that's not much of a negative.
• Hyper X Cloud II - The design looks way too "gamer" (if that makes sense). It was fine for at home, but I can't see myself using this outside home. I also wish replacement parts were easier to get,
• Hyper X Cloud II DAC - Just a basic gamer DAC. Good that it also takes in mic output. Wire is too long to carry, and it's only USB-A, can't use it for my USB-C phone. Can't even take out the wire and use a different one to connect to PC
• Linsouls Kiwi Ear Quartet - My current IEM. Very nice overall! I have no complaints.

This is my first time ever posting anything like this so I apologize in advanced if this is hard to follow. I have expressed through the roughly 3 years (I say that because my partner and I don't quite remember when we started dating exactly so we made up a date) that him and I were dating before he proposed that I wasn't comfortable being married due to the marriages I have been around in my family never have worked out and other baggage I have like that. He proposed to me on Christmas eve at his family's home. He didn't tell me or his family he was going to do that. He has a history of not planning and doing things impulsively then getting depressed when it doesn't work out. I love him to death so I said yes but I really didn't want to. Not because I don't love him, he's my rock, but because I just didn't want that for myself yet. It felt like he was only doing what he wanted. And it felt like he just wanted to make sure I wouldn't leave him. He's expressed a lot that he's very insecure which is another reason I said yes. I feel like if I said no that would be bad for our relationship and that's the last thing I want. I don't want to bring this up because I feel like he'll have doubt in our relationship or that he'll get depressed. The reason I would bring it up is because it's causing me turmoil at this moment. Last week we got into a fight. Hes a super jealous person and he doesn't like it when I even talk to someone that isn't him that I get along with. Which is why I have a hard time making friends. I'm scared of him being upset and ignoring me or something. He always is scared that I'm cheating even though I'm talking to him 24/7 and we have life 360 (a location app) and he sees where I'm going every day. The fight started because I went out to drinks with my co workers and he got jealous of that. He got mad at me and started to reply with one word replies. Then I confronted him and he just said "it's a me problem just go out and drink" (he's saying it's his own problem not for me to do anything about). That escalated fast into an argument, mainly from me, because I got tired of him being so jealous. It was the final straw. I never have been mad at him openly to him like that. I feel so tied down in a bad way and because I have never brought anything up to him I feel bad. I grew up in a very volatile home. I grew up walking on egg shells never talking back so me expressing I was upset was very scary for me. It's been a bit Over a week and I'm still mad about it but I've been trying to get over it. It's like all the bad feelings I've had since getting engaged suddenly are rising in me. He said (I'm paraphrasing in the least bais way I can because it was a long argument) that if he had it his way I would be locked away with only him forever and that he knows he's too jealous and that it's because of his previous relationship because she cheated on him. I said that's toxic and I don't like that and I started to raise my voice (this is over the phone) while explaining why that's toxic af. Because of that he said that it's the beer talking, referring to my voice rising. I only had 1 beer and the adrenaline of sharing my dislike to his jealously would have sobered me up regardless. He says he'll work on it but he's said that about other times I have brought things up to him but he never does, which I know is unfair to say because he could be working on it behind the scenes when I'm not around and working mentally, but it has never been present, that I've noticed, that he's worked on anything. I don't think he'll be working on this either. How this relates to my question is, do I bring up how I feel like I am being tied down in a bad way? And that I didn't really want to get engaged and that I said yes to make him happy? I don't want to hurt him though that might be inevitable due to some of his insecurities. We've been engaged 1 year now and I am afraid that I have waited too long to bring this up and since I hid my feelings I feel like it's unreasonable to say this too. I feel like it's my principles that are now broken due to this. I feel like he didn't respect them and only went for his feelings. The jealousy, me stepping on egg shells, and proposing without considering my principles and feelings is baring on me greatly. I don't know how to express that I don't feel good with how things are.
Tl Dr My partner proposed and I said yes to make him happy though I told him I didn't want to get married throughout the years of us dating previous. I feel tied down and anxious about being engaged but I don't want to hurt him. Do I tell him this or deal with it until I get used to it?

I've come back to doing Anki as my gap year is soon done and I'm going to university.
My previous workflow was:

1. Wake up, clear flashcards throughout my morning walk + gym between sets
   
2. Come home, start learning by skimming material, write questions that come up
   
3. Start reading the material, write more questions that come up, also write questions instead of notes for things I'm learning.
   
4. Finish studying, create flashcards from all questions.
   
5. Create custom study session with all the New cards, then go out for a walk and use the New cards as prompts for explaining the concepts using the Feynman Technique
   

I'm thinking that integrating ChatGPT could streamline some of these processes, for example point 1 and 5, I could use the voice communication function in the mobile GPT app. For skimming, I could copy-paste the content (provided there aren't many diagrams, e.g tech docummentation) and ask GPT to skim it for me, then read the output. For writing questions, I could copy-paste the text material to ChatGPT and ask to create flashcards based on the 20 rules.
This has awesome potential and I've tried it for a few days and I enjoy it. Thus, I'm interested how do you use ChatGPT (if you do) in your workflow. I'm wondering if implementing programming practice has worked for anyone (cards that one can do only with a laptop and access to an IDE)

About the role
Food Safety level 2 & experience desired. Role Responsibility
Ordering of Stock for food preparation and vending machines
Responsibility for Stock Management and Stock Control
Code checking and checking quality of stock
Preparation of food in accordance with food hygiene requirements
Vending machine replenishment and management i.e price changes, cleaning and cash collection
Hospitality Support
Assist in maintaining housekeeping in the canteen & kitchen facilities, dining area and Kitchen counters
Adhere to food hygiene/HACCP/Allegen/COSHH Guidelines at all times
Maintain due diligence on temperature controls and code dates
You will need
Cooking experience is essential.
The ideal candidate will have an excellent attitude towards customer service with a friendly outgoing personality and be used to working within a team environment.
A high standard of presentation and the ability to work within a team producing and serving a varied menu to colleagues and visitors on site
The ideal candidate will be required to prepare, cook and serve food along with cleaning duties and stock vending machines.
The successful candidate will ideally have a Hygiene Certificate
Whats in it for you
At Booker, along with being a great place to work and giving you an opportunity to get on in your career, we also offer the following fantastic package of benefits:
A Booker colleague card with 10% off purchases at Booker and double discount events up to three times a year. After 3 months service, a Tesco colleague discount card with 10% increasing to 15% off most purchases at Tesco for a 4 day period after every four-weekly pay day, ie. thirteen times a year. In addition to 10% off at Tesco Cafe and 20% off all F&F purchases. 10% off pay monthly & SIM only deals with Tesco Mobile for yourself, along with further great deals through-out the year. Up to 30% off car, pet and home insurance at Tesco bank. Terms and conditions apply. Free eye test when you spend £50 or more. You can also save 30% when you spend £50 or more on glasses, prescription sunglasses and contact lenses. 50% off health checks at Tesco Pharmacy. Exclusive access to discounted RAC breakdown cover rates An exclusive deals and discounts website saving you money on everyday purchases including a cycle to work scheme. After 3 months service, you can join our annual Save As You Earn share scheme which allows you to buy Tesco shares in the future at a discount. Retirement savings plan (pension) - save up to 5% and Booker will match your contribution. Life Assurance - You are covered for death in service life cover of up to three times annual pay Health and Wellbeing support and resources including our 24/7, confidential Employee Assistance Programme for you and your family. A great holiday package About The Company
Be part of something special. Join our team at Booker.
Booker is the UK’s leading food & drink wholesaler. We are privileged to serve independent retailers, caterers and small businesses, from locations across the country.
Booker Group comprises of Booker Wholesale, Makro, Booker Direct, Classic Drinks, Ritter Courivaud and Chef Direct. Our customers include Premier, Family Shopper, Budgens and Londis retailers and we have one shared aim - improving choice, price and service for all our customers.
Our business is incredibly diverse, so it takes a wide range of skills to deliver the exceptional service our customers require.
Wherever you join us, you’ll be part of an organisation that will help your career to keep moving forward.
Booker Group is part of Tesco plc, however is operated separately from the core Tesco business and as such the benefits offered will be different from those offered at Tesco
Apply here
Via needabarista.co.uk

The ~Latin American e-commerce retail market~ is growing at a considerable CAGR of around 25.6% during the forecast period (2023-2029). This Latin America E-Commerce Retail Market research report focuses more on a number of distinctive as well as foremost market sectors. It further focuses market segmentation. Industry-specific interviews are carried out with market players to foresee future business growth. Various facets of the industry are also depicted here under each industry sector. Future development visions and a wide range of subjects are covered in this Latin America E-Commerce Retail Market study report. All this crucial data greatly assists key players to establish their presence in the competitive market. It verifies and revalidates the knowledge provided in this global Market report. It also allows several organizations to learn more about a range of opportunities already available in the market and makes aware to firms about upcoming opportunities too. It ensures several firms to attain a long-standing business success by capturing all of the latest updates about market growth. Most important participants are able to employ such report as a great resource to attain a competitive advantage over the cut-throat market.
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The Report Covers

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Sulfur Market size was valued at US$ 6.07 billion . in 2023 and the total Sulfur revenue is expected to grow at 4 % from 2024 to 2030, reaching nearly US$ 7.99 billion.
**Global Sulfur Market Overview:*\*
**Market Scope:*\*
The Sulfur Market research report provides a comprehensive analysis of the market's position over the projected period. It includes an in-depth investigation focusing on primary and secondary drivers, market share, leading segments, and geographical analysis. The study also examines key players, major collaborations, mergers, and acquisitions, as well as emerging innovations and corporate strategies.
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**Drivers:*\*
The report evaluates various factors driving the growth of the Sulfur Market.
**Segmentation:*\*
The market is segmented based on various parameters to provide a detailed analysis of different segments.
by Product
Pharmaceutical Grade Industrial Grade
by End Use Industry
Fertilizers Chemical Processing Metal Manufacturing Petroleum Refining Others
by Application
Sulfuric Acid Synthesis Sulphonate Surfactants Synthesis Agrochemicals Metal Extraction Oil Refining Others
by Sales Channel
Direct Sale Indirect Sale
**Key Players:*\*
The report profiles key players in the global Sulfur Market, providing insights into company backgrounds, product specifications, financials, and contact information. It also analyzes market trends, volumes, and values on a global scale.
North America 1. Nutrien 2. The Mosaic 3. Koch 4. Compass Minerals 5. Kemin Industries 6. Global Nutritech 7. Tiger-Sul Products 8. Sulfur Solutions
Europe 9. K+S 10. SK Eurochem 11. Tessenderlo Group 12. Gazprom 13. Exxon Mobil 14. Rosneft
Asia Pacific 15. Nufarm 16. Deepak Fertilizers and Petrochemicals Ltd. 17. Coromandel International 18. Zuari Agro Chemicals 19. Sulphur Mills 20. Sinopec
Middle East and Africa 21. Israel Chemicals 22. Aramco 23. Abu Dhabi National Oil Company
South America 24. Petrobras 25. Vale 26. Pluspetrol
For more insights, visit: https://www.maximizemarketresearch.com/market-report/global-sulfur-market/26714/.Sulfurhttps://www.maximizemarketresearch.com/market-report/global-sulfur-market/26714/
**Regional Analysis:*\*
The study offers a comprehensive overview of the sector, including qualitative and quantitative data. It provides forecasts for the global Sulfur Market by segment and offers market size projections for key regions, including North America, Europe, Asia-Pacific, the Middle East & Africa, and South America.
**COVID-19 Impact Analysis:*\*
The report assesses the impact of COVID-19 on the Sulfur Market, analyzing post-pandemic development strategies, market dynamics, growth factors, challenges, opportunities, and forecasts. It focuses on providing strategic insights to businesses in the sector.
**Key Questions Answered:*\*
The report addresses key questions regarding high-growth opportunities, fastest-expanding market segments, regional development trends, market dynamics, drivers, challenges, risks, and threats in the sulfur market.
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Referral reports link:
Household Cleaning Products Market: https://www.maximizemarketresearch.com/market-report/global-household-cleaning-products-market/146346/
Sarcopenia Market: https://www.maximizemarketresearch.com/market-report/sarcopenia-market/196035/
Social Media Management Market: https://www.maximizemarketresearch.com/market-report/global-social-media-management-market/28395/ report

Written 5/8/2024- updates attached below

I tried posting this on kendrick almost a week ago and it got no response, I messaged the mods to ask about Karma restrictions or account age requirements and they never replied. I made a new account and it was the same issue, but I found out last night I wasn’t fully banned, so I figured I’d throw it up and see if anyone finds it valuable. It’s written for people who have no prior knowledge of the rap game/music business. I don’t have to go as hard on obscuring names this time. One of the influencers I mentioned in my last post is known for doxxing and threatening violence against people who mention the many contradictions in their stories. (Sorry for any typos/mistakes I want to go to bed.)
Origins
I believe the current Drake and Kendrick Lamar beef is either completely or partially fabricated by certain industry leaders or the parties involved in an effort to distract from something bigger going down behind the scenes. If you were an influential label owner facing major accusations, and you needed to deflect media attention from yourself, recreating one of the most defining moments in rap history during the social media era would be a way to do it. It also wouldn’t hurt that two of the biggest rappers in the world were already sending shots at each other in their music for years prior. The public consensus is they are simply two famous rappers who hate each other and fighting over the spot for the top like in the 90’s. Only people who were directly involved could paint a more cohesive picture of the whole story. Even when all the cards drop, there is a good chance the average person won’t be able to find direct sources on their own and will continue to support their favorite artists and dismiss any evidence of their crimes like the drizzy subreddit or Ak fans.

As I said the beef between Kendrick and Drake has been brewing in the background for years, with both rappers sending shots and sneak dissing each other over the course of at least 8 years. The most agreed upon origin story is the first diss was the 2016 Big Sean and Kendrick collaboration, “Control,” and Drake responded with, “The Language”. Things stayed relatively lighthearted for a while and both were intentionally vague for many years. Before I go deep into the Kendrick and Drake stuff, it’s really important to examine some of Drake’s prior beefs because they add a ton of context to my theory. In my opinion Kendrick and Co. started scheming all of this some time around Mid 2020-Mid 2022, well after the whole Pusha T beef had transitioned into the Kanye beef.

What exactly started the beef is debatable, but at the time many attributed it to rumors of Drake pursuing Ye’s ex Amber Rose. Unfortunately the timeline isn’t 100 percent clear, and if I included every detail this would be at least 200+ pages so I’ll stick with the important stuff. The ultimate outcome of the Pusha T battle in 2018 was the revelation of Drake’s son Adidon that he had previously been hiding from the world along with getting Ye directly involved in the beef.

Here are some more examples of Drake antagonizing Ye and of him trying to use women as pawns to get material for his diss tracks. The Drake line, “Yeah, I probably go link to Yeezy, I need me some Jesus, but as soon as I start confessin' my sins, he wouldn't believe us," could be a reference to sleeping with Kim Kardashian, trying to double down on his threats to harm him or his family, or it could be a double entendre. Another example is using the name Kiki in another song, which was apparently one of Kim’s nicknames. Some other possible examples include the theories he may have tried the same thing with Kendrick’s wife Whitney around 2020-2021 in an attempt to use as ammo against Kendrick, which I’ll go into later. I don’t listen to much of either artist's music, but there are probably many of other examples in Drake’s catalogue that I’m leaving out. There is also his song Omerta released in 2019, which I'll go into below.

“Your baby mother call me when she lonely My tailor see me twice a week, he like my homie Forever grateful, forever thankful Diamond necklace, but she wears it on her ankle”

(Probably referring to Kim Kardashian since she had a few pictures with her wearing diamond ankle bracelets and was trying to make it into a trend.

“I plan to buy your most personal belongings when they up for auction”

(There were various rumors floating around for a while that Drake was blackmailing Ye with something and he was fighting to keep it from the public. I thought about it and this line might be referencing a sex tape with Kim or her little sister who me was very touch before she turned 18. In 2022 there was a whole storyline on Kim’s show where Ye flies to LA to prevent her second sex tape from being released.)

West Hollywood, know my presence is menacing
Cosa Nostra, shady dealings
Racketeering, the syndicate got they hand in plenty things The things that we've done to protect the name are unsettling But no regrets, though, the name'll echo Years later, none greater
Death to a coward and a traitor, that's just in my nature, yeah
(Drake and Ye both frequented the Delilah Nightclub located in West Hollywood and lived closeby on the same street for a while.)
"I don't carry cash 'cause the money is digital
It's the American Expresser, the debt collector"

(Sounds a lot more like it could be crypto to launder or send large amounts of ill gotten gains. It started becoming mainstream around them)

"Last year, niggas really feel like they rode on me
Last year, niggas got hot 'cause they told on me
I'm 'bout to call the bluff of anybody the fold on me"

These lines stood out because they could be referring to Ye telling the public about Drake's alleged threats a couple months before the songs release. This happened not long after the release of Sicko mode which was towards the end of 2018 as well. Ye was discussing the incident on Twitter and reached out to Drake and Travis to talk to him in private. In the next set of tweets Kanye publicly accused Drake of threatening him and his family in a major way. Surprisingly Ye seemed genuinely scared and amongst his, “crazy rants,” some of the stuff he said makes a ton of sense in hindsight. This also the beginning of his second serious public struggles with Bipolar disorder after being committed in 2016 shortly after an on stage rant where he calls out Jay Z for selling out and says he's afraid he might kill him.. As someone who shares the same diagnosis, I have a pretty good understanding of mania and psychosis and firmly believe that it's important not to write people off right away due to their mental illness. Some of my most thoughtful, creative, and productive periods were inspired by mania. Industry bigwigs have also been using mental illness to discredit influential black celebrities and visionaries going back decades, but it really picked up in the 80’s.

Dave Chappelle has gone into this a lot in the past and claims he experienced something similar before he quit show business and dipped to Africa. Their stories have a lot of interesting parallels if you’re familiar or curious. I remember he actually visited Ye at his house in Wyoming after he was reported to have had a, "mental breakdown," during his presidential run in 2020 thus marking his third breakown in six years.. The reason I put it in quotes is because it happened right after he publicly accused Kim of cheating and delivered his legendary speech on abortion. Dave went as far as going on live tv and telling the public he wasn’t crazy, he was just really struggling because he was the only one at the time fighting against the narrative, which can often be a suicide mission or a ticket to obscurity. These are three examples of someone speaking up and being deemed crazy, two years later came the nazi stuff and I'm sure we'll have plenty in store for 2024.

This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the very common pattern of artists dying or having their careers destroyed either after they try to leave their label or threaten to reveal industry secrets. A few more interesting industry connections I made in my research include the connections between:

T.U.G. records and J Cole's independent label Dreamville are both managed by Interscope Records, whose parent company is Universal Music Group.

Universal Music Group also hac Drake's label OvO label as well as Ye and Kendrick's old labels on their roster before they left to form their own independent labels in 2022 (around the same time the disses between Kendrick and Drake started escalating). Finally Bad Boy Records, which is owned by Diddy, and Motown Records who own Diddy's other R&B label Love Records, are also both owned by Universal. This means every label I mention is currently or was previously owned by Universal Music Group.

Ye tried for years to get out of his contract with Defjam, which happens to be ran by Jay Z who is known to be a close associate of Diddy. Jay would always used his money and power to fight against it. Ye even spoke out publicly on a few occasions, including when he said Jay Z was trying to kill him during one of his concerts. My theory is after years of getting nowhere and having his reputation skewered, in 2022 Ye finally said, "Fuck it," and dropped all the anti- Semetic stuff intentionally in a successful attempt to force his label to into using their morality clause, which requires labels to drop an artist if they're accused of any major controversy that could hurt the label’s profits. For the fourth time in four years the media reported he was having a breakdown. Even though they tried to punish him by cutting off all of his sources of income and freezing his accounts he still managed to bounce back pretty quickly. It was often reported how much he was losing, but it rarely discussed how he still was filthy rich in spite of the retrictions. His label wanted to discourage other artists from trying the same thing. My theory is he might have bought Kim or Kylie's alleged sex tape and used it for his own leverage. For Kendrick, his transition to his independent label ApLang went a lot smoother, but he had to split ownership of his new label with the previous manager owner Dave Free. Sadly it's still difficult for new or more niche artists to establish themselves without the some help.

He may be a lot of things but Ye isn’t dumb just because he has a mood disorder and the guys at the top know this, which is why I think he has really played up his diagnosis when it benefitted him. He’s still one of the most talented musicians in the game and I really think he sees his bipolar like a superpower as he says. It’s like his own invisibility cloak. He can go off his meds for a little, make an album after staying up for 72 hours, go on a “psychotic” twitter rant dropping facts throughout, then start up again once he makes enough news headlines. I think it’s worth noting the first divorce rumors in 2020 coincided with Ye’s abortion speech during his presidential run and the cheating accusations. that led to him dropping out and moving to Wyoming, and a couple months ago in February 2024 he was committed again.

The point I’m making is bipolar is complex, but pretty manageable especially if you have a ton of money to find meds that work for you and a good doctor and can keep substance abuse and stress at a manageable level. I think Ye is smart enough to know this, but it’s just safer for him to really play up the mental issues in the media. He’s proven he can literally say whatever he wants after getting cancelled and the average person is just going to write it off as psycho babble. While bias in health care is a sad fact of society, if you can use it to your advantage I say go for it. It might’ve just kept the microscope off of him long enough to plan his attack.

Ye v. Drake: Quotes of 2018
(Start of the beef, drake threats, and suspicion towards Kardashian family. )

“ It’s not about rap. It’s about family. We have to be close as a family and never let these people infiltrate just for radio spins”

“We need to show the world that people can talk without people ending up dead or in jail.”

”This is a man speaking to a man that has been placed in the program to fuck with Kanye West head and set me up“

”See when you care about your family you don’t let no man push you to do nothing that could risk your freedom“

These first four tweets by Ye were all in reference to perceived threats made by Drake after their beef escalated circa 2018. He began speaking on the industry and talking more about his psych hospital commitment two years prior and how he thought they were going to kill him. It's pretty obvious how the whole thing was planned by the sketchy doctor who called it in and his physical trainer who has a ton of connections to weird shit involving his celebrity clients.

I found interesting that Ye might not have been the first major league rapper whose life Drake threatened. During a similar period of mental illness the up and coming rapper XXXtentacion accused Drake of stealing his flow and dissed him a few times. Not long after he made a post online saying if he dies, it was Drake who did it. There are tons of conspiracies online, but none of the evidence is strong enough to draw a definitive connection. Also while it maybe be coincidental, Kendrick’s latest album Mr Morale also painted the picture that Kendrick was dealing with some serious personal issues. Some lines throughout the album may have been used to bait Drake into escalating, but it wasn’t until The Weekend, Future, and Metro Booming dropped, “We Don’t Trust You,” then Drake and J. Cole dropped, “First Person Shooter,” which was followed a couple days later with, “Like That,” where Kendrick started the chain of events that has led us to today.

Kanye vs. Drake: Quotes of 2020

Summary: Ye runs for president and gets suppressed for saying what very well could be the truth and was immediately deemed insane by the media. Kim did a couple interviews and everything he said was immediatly false. There is almost guarenteed to be some sketchy shit going down revolving her and her family. Ye was absolutely terrified of her keeping the kids away from him and it seems like there are still efforts being made to this day to paint a certain image of him for ulterior motives.

Below are six more quotes from a fan taking a deep dive into his 2020 tweets courtesy of u/ thehatstore42069 on Yeezy
”NORTHY I AM GOING TO WAR AND PUTTING MY LIFE ON THE LINE AND IF I AM MURDERED DON’T EVER LET WHITE MEDIA TELL YOU I WASNT A GOOD MAN,” West, 43, wrote in the tweet, adding, “WHEN PEOPLE THREATEN TO TAKE YOU OUT OF MY LIFE JUST KNOW I LOVE YOU”

"I need a public apology from J Cole and Drake to start with immediately... I'm Nat Turner... I'm fighting for us."

"the utmost respect for all brothers" and said "we need to link and respect each other... no more dissing each other on labels we don't own"

"Ye is constantly trying to tell people that his family does not have his or his kids best interests at heart. He goes on to list others, linking them together with the thinking emoji. These people include rap artist Drake and Larsa Pippen, wife of Scottie Pippe. Kim K is goddaughter to Pippen's daughter, showing how close the families actually are. All of these families that associate with Ye through Kardashian connections, as well as Drake, have been accused of the same thing Kris has. EVERY SINGLE ONE of these people have mixed race children that are groomed from a young age to fuck around with celebrities so the parents can remain famous. Drake on numerous occasions has been accused of grooming girls and then getting handsy on their 18th birthday.”

“These labels want their artists to make them money and they dont care about anything else. When Kanye says things like this in an attempt to expose him, the first thing they wanna do is drug him up and put him back in the studio.”
“Righteous indignation is typically a reactive emotion of anger over mistreatment, insult, or malice of another. It is akin to what is called the sense of injustice. This is how they keep the black man down. Keep people outraged about trivial things and distract them from the real issues in the world. The real problems in the industry. If you tell people enough times that they are unequal or discriminated against they start to believe it. Drug them when they step out of line and toss them aside when the checks run out. Ye is realizing he is pawn in a bigger game, and now that he has all these roots in the game such as Yeezy or the Gap or his music, too many people cant risk (Afford) a Ye who speaks his mind.”
(End of quotes)

Amongst the twitter rant, Ye warned about the predatory nature of record deals and discussed trying to get out of his own deal, and said again how his life may be in danger if it wasn’t already and was doing anything he could to protect his kids. The most fascinating part to me though is the public call to arms he made to Drake, J Cole, and Kendrick on twitter. After inviting them to all link up, he said, “It’s time to get free, we will not argue amongst each other while some guy we don’t know in Europe is getting paid and putting that money in a hedge fund.” I believe if Ye was able to pull off this meeting, there is an ever so slight chance that all four artists might be working together to take down a greater enemy. Weirdly there have been times throughout the last couple years where these supposed enemies were photographed together being friendly or praise each other in interviews, then out of no where the disses would start flying again.

To wrap things up I want to share my a few of my theories about the Drake/Kanye beef

A. Everything is exactly as it seems and the beef is over. Ye let his mental illness ruin his life and career so Drake simply picked another target after Ye stopped putting out disses. All of these connections are just a coincidence and all of this was choreographed to boost Drake and Kendrick’s music sales and possibly distract people from the Diddy trial and possibly the complicated geopolitical issues currently facing the U.S.

C. There is also the possibility that all four rappers are in cahoots and Drake’s dirt isn’t as extreme as people are theorizing, at least in comparison to the rest of the business. This could explain why everything has played out like a movie and how they were able to predict each other’s moves so well. This could either mean they’re all just trying to boost their sales or they’re all trying to take down the “slave masters,” as Ye calls them, and change the dynamic of the music industry in favor of the artist.

D. They may be trying to help their friends in the industry who are being abused or in shitty contracts. I know a lot of famous rappers have done a lot of collaborations with Jhene Aiko and Anderson Paak, who were both signed to T.U.G. records which I mentioned above in the connections to Universal Music Group. Considering they are both frequent collaborators with all of the artists involved on both sides, it’s not unlikely they may have played some part in influencing the takedown.

T.U.G was started by Chris Stokes with his partner Ketrina Askew. Back in the early to mid 90’s were gaining popularity attracting lots of young up and coming talent. They often collaborated with Diddy and his associates. In the 2000’s Raz B from the boy band B2K claimed he was molested by Stokes and his friend Marques Houston, then quickly retracted his claims. Years later he came forward again and said we was bribed into silence and that the rest of the victims were bribed with hush money and had another singer corroborate his story and they came forward together to level the accusations. After some of his former B2K members made fun of him for his claims and accused it of being a shakedown, Raz B revealed Stokes and Houston had preyed a lot of the children associated with the label including at least one of the former bandmates and paid them off.

I thought it was worth noting that the second whistleblower named Quindon Tarver died young in a car crash after mentioning his abuse again a few years prior. He seems to have left the industry not long after the incidents occurred and has few credits to his name. To this day Raz B is still trying to get his justice, while Stokes and his partner Askew, who was also involved in the abuse are still running the label to this day. Askew also has a ton of lawsuits, accusing her of using shady tactics to try to foreclose on houses. (Don’t quote me if a lawyer wants to take a look just google her full name), and has been tied to a ton of LLCs, similar to Drake. This is a good example of a shitty record deal, but I'm sure they have countless other friends in the industry who have even worse. While they were never convicted even Chris Stokes' wife confirmed it to be true.

E. The theory I personally think fits the narrative best and is the most realistic conspiracy is that Kendrick and possibly J. Cole went to the meeting, but not Drake due to his close relationship with Lucian Grange, the president of Drake’s label. Silence often speaks louder than words and this could explain why Kendrick was so ruthless and put so much effort into finding dirt on Drake. Ye, Cole, and Kendrick co-writing would be like the rap allstar team and if J. Cole wasn’t involved, it would also answer the question of whether or not he baited Drake into the battle by asking him to feature. I don’t think Drake is really their primary target though, which would explain letting him off easy. Compared to his bosses and their bosses he’s a small fish. If you take the big guys down you stand a better chance of landing a bigger blow on their operation.

Another really interesting connection is Kendrick and Ye were both signed under Universal Music Group and they both got out of their deals around couple months apart in 2022. As we speak U.M.G’s CEO Lucian Grange, who is often acccused of giving Drake special treatment, is facing charges related to sex trafficking by no other than P Diddy. This could very well explain the timing of it all. The craziest timeline would be Diddy masterminding all of this and using his connections to get it done and all the allegations are bullshit. The guy does seem pretty confident all things considered and constantly posts himself in his Batman costume which could mean he’s a vigilante.

It seems like there's a slight religious angle as well. (Ye and Diddy are both very vocal advocates of Christianity and Drake and Lucian Grange are both Jewish.) Obviously this is a reach, but they’ve been saying rap music was specifically promoted by mostly white label owners in the 80’s to help in the ongoing effort to expedite the systematic oppression of those living in black neighborhoods and the destruction of their family systems. Apparently it was an intentional decision to heavily promote rappers that promoted the very things that were destroying their neighborhoods. (So people know I'm and atheist and have zero agenda, I just thought it was interesting, please stay away from anything antisemitic. War is wrong on both sides.)

*** If my favorite theory is true, there is a possibility the Kendrick and Ye are going after Drake due to their mutual disdain for him and because he’s got a ton of power to dominate the charts and hog the radio airtime like Meek Mill and OG Maco claimed years ago. Even him dropping a record the same day as you could really fuck your album sales up. I’m also sure some of the many rumors throughout the years have had a least some truth and he will most likely snitch to avoid cell block one. I think that Drake could have been instructed to instigate this whole mess in order to draw attention away from the UMG charges brought about by Diddy. Or on the other hand it could be that Kendrick, Ye, and possibly Cole, may have had intel that Drake was going to be involved in the Diddy trial and are just gonna let the receipts show themselves. It might not have been the original plan, but they’ve already accomplished their mission of humiliating him, assuring he couldn’t use his influence to slide through the cracks, and taking over the throne.

Please take everything I say with a grain of salt I have no connection to this world or lifestyle. Regardless I believe all of the knowledge above does a pretty solid job at painting a picture of what may have let up to this and what may have been the source.
——————————-
More details found the last couple days…

Drake and Diddy Connections+Coincidences

Drake- In the P Diddy wig video from 2016 he talks about going to party with Drake, Cash, and The Weeknd in Toronto. Drake is also one of Birdman’s protégées who is known for being a predator and is rumored to have used label artists to lure young women.

Travis Scott- Interview where he comes out and says Diddy tried to lure him. Still has a long history of associating with him, video of him running from Diddy, his connection to Ruby Rose while underage.

Tim Westwood- Diddy had connections with sex offender Tim Westwood who also inspired the Drake song, “Westwood”. They also both were victims of drive by shootings along with The Weekend and they were all facing some type of allegations.

T.I.- Also has been associate with Diddy through the years, in 2021 his kid died and 11 women can forward at the same time to accuse him and his wife of drugging and assaulting them. Clearly someone wanted to fuck his life up. Possibly due to him getting arrested so many times for wild shit and people wondering how he continued to get away with it shining a light on how powerful industry lawyers are. He also had recently talked about having a gynecologist check to see if his daughter is still a Virgin, which sounds like it could have been an industrty secret. Could have been because he worried about someone trying to take advantage of her to get to him? Regardless that shit is fucking insane.

50 Cent- Has been saying pretty much the same thing as Travis Scott and has trolled Diddy for most of his career. It came out that his wife was a sex worker who was possibly recruited Diddy to help ruin his career. It sort of worked, which raises the question if 50 Cent is the only victim.

Ray J- Him and his sister worked with T.U.G. records when they were very young. Chris Stokes in the nineties who had connections with Diddy. He has been involved in a lot of sex scandals and allegedly may have played a part in Whitney Houston's death. (Which is also allegedly connected to Michael Jackson's death and both were deemed suspicious and happened during their final tours when their masters (song rights), became more valuable than their lives. Sony Records and Tommy Motolla, who also abused Mariah Carey when she was trying to start her career. These are just a few of the alleged examples of labels taking out musicians when they were worth more dead, another is the signing of high risk artists and requiring them to get life insurance so they can profit beyond releasing all their posthumous records. Also the ever so common story of the rising star artist that die at 21 after their first album or two.

He also partied with Diddy in Vegas with along Floyd Mayweather and a bunch of other famous industry people and athletes.

Tory Lanez- Tons of blackmail, also was signed by Interscope under UMG. got sent to prison for ten years after trying to leave his label. Also history of SA and and other allegations of violence towards women.

French Montana- On Diddy's label, close with Rick and Khaled, tons of drug and sexual assault allegations, also dated a Kardashian. Generally grimy.

DJ Khaled- Diddy said he could get anything in Miami, either referring to drugs or women, could explain his connections and lack of any notable talent. (New update, he was one of the first to promote Chris Alvarez’s instagram not long after he turned 18).

Rick Ross- Diddy said some weird shit about him and licked his lips and kissed him at a show. Ross is also signed to Bad Boy under Diddy. He ended up getting involved in the current feud and spamming social media nonstop dissing and threatening Drake.

A lot of the back and forth was both of them threatening to release dirt on each other. One strange coincidence I found was Drake recently trolled Ross about the 20 million dollar renovation to his home on Star island, where Diddy is currently residing. It’s rumored back in the day that P Diddy was caught in a room full of rich guys on ecstasy possibly at the beginning stages of a gay orgy. Drake also mentioned in the same tweets about Rick Ross that Birdman owned a house on the island and asked Rick Ross why he didn’t help him out.

Considering Ross is so sketchy and Drake claims the house isn’t that big, that’s a ridiculous amount of money. He may be covering up evidence, or creating tunnels in his house to escape if shit pops off and Drake might know what’s good. Interestingly enough Ross is very close with French Montana and also signed to Bad. He said his beef was related to something involving French, and Drake’s tweet popped up the same day the info came out concerning the Chris Alvarez stuff.

The famous line from U.O.E.N.O.

Meek Mill- “OG Maco called himself defending his friend Quentin Miller by substantiating the ghostwriting claims and agreeing with Meek. He hit up Twitter saying, "Some of us been knew. Meek just put it in the air. Sucks to have to compete with 6 n****s and get compared to”

Meek mill also had a short beef with Drake, some disses included lines referring to TI’s homie pissing on Drake at the movie theater, which is also interesting considering the current case against him. He also dropped a line saying Diddy almost got a domestic charge when he smacked Drake, which could either be saying that Drake is like a woman, or saying he was Drake’s boyfriend/sugar daddy.
( If you made it to the end comment with the number 8)
I thought it was interesting how the beef just kind of disappeared and even Meek said it didn’t seem genuine. Considering the allegations against Meek in the Diddy trial, and his rumored affair with Kim contributing to ending Kanye’s marriage, Meek Mill definitely did some dirt on him.

“Niggas frauds I told the truth, don't ask me shit
All this industry fake enemy and rap shit”

“Money make a sucker that told look trill again”

One of the many chapters in Drake's history in which he is seen paying his way out of trouble and starting beefs randomly.
“Now when that shit went down with Chris, you wrote a check”
This line is referring to Chris brown beef, another beef that was lost to time. All I can remember off the top was someone throwing a champagne bottle at the other’s entourage.

Ty Dolla $ign- Huge feature artist, close with Ye. Grew up in the industry and talks about growing up on the road and being in the studio with his dad and Rick James who was should have already been in prison for life for dragging, torturing, and S assaulting multiple women and children throughout his career and was himself a victim of the industry. May be part of Ye's motivation, considering their recent close working relationship.
The end.
Courtesy of,
The Randomest Moniker

Total Divorce Cash Out - $120,000
Gross Income $5,416 per month Net Income $3,400 per month
As part of a tentative divorce settlement, I'm getting a $75,000 buyout of the marital home, plus approx $45,000 in more cash. However, as part of the settlement, I can't get full 50/50 custody of our children until I'm able to get at minimum a 3 bedroom home (not apartment) in the same postal code as the marital home. There are very few homes in this area that are anywhere near my budget.
When we originally separated, I took our new'ish Subaru Outback and my ex took our Pacifica Minivan. Unfortunately, once our younger of 3 child's car seat became front facing, I couldn't safely fit all 3 seats in the Outback, forcing me to sell/trade the vehicle. The used car market was horrendous, and used minivans in particular were incredibly overpriced. At the time, I was looking at $25k-$30k for a 4+ year old minivan with 60k+ miles on it, plus interest rates of around 8%, and little if any warranty. Being that I could get a new minivan with a 10y100k mile warranty for about $10,000 more at a much lower rate, 3.8%, and tax savings by trading my Outback in, I worked out a deal with a local dealer to give me private sale KBB value on the Outback in trade, discount a 2022 model (when 2023's were on the lots for 6 months already), and throw in the dealer extended warranty. My payments came out to $733 per month. Wasn't ideal, the merits of my decision is a topic for another day, and I hated to do it, but for my kids' safety and to find a reliable vehicle, this seemed to be the best course of action. I've had it for a year. The payoff amount is $32,000.
I have approx $17,000 in credit card debt, which is mostly due to legal fees from the divorce. To pay the cards down to be less than 30% of my credit limit, I need $12,400. I fucking hate credit cards, but I also had to pay a lawyer to fight for my custody rights. I get it, I want these cards paid off immediately, and most of the balances are at 0% for at least 5 more months. So I want to pay them off by then and avoid interest charges.
Why do I need to buy a home near the marital home as part of the settlement? The marital home is very close to the children's elementary school, and their school bus picks them up just one block from the home. There are absolutely no homes for sale within a mile radius of the marital home, nor is there anything within the school zone that would put them on the bus route. It's a very busy area, so even if I get a home 10 miles away, it's going to be heavy traffic to/from the school, which will be a twice per day trip, liable to cause me to get stuck in traffic and be late taking/picking up the kids from school. And personally, this time away from my job could have a negative outcome and cause me to work later hours and/or miss meetings. I'm compelled to get a home as close to the school as possible for a multitude of reasons. Saves time, gas, mileage on the minivan, lowers the time I'm away from desk during my work day, etc., not to mention its part of the settlement primarily so that the kids aren't having to spend long times in the car to/from school twice per day when they're used to just hopping on the bus for 10 minutes at the marital home. If I get a home somewhat nearby, I can just take them to the bus stop as usual, and avoid driving to the school at all.
Problem: There's only (3) 3 Bedroom homes for sale in the same town. 1 is a dump and an obvious money pit. 1 is way out of my price range. So that leaves 1. And yes, I know the home could sell before I have a chance to make an offer, but I want to have this thought through in case I have to pursue another opportunity. So, back to the remaining home. They're asking $295,000. It's really nice, new roof, decent sized, well kept flat back yard, and has a completely unfinished basement that provides me the opportunity to work on over time and add some value, as I finished the basement in the marital home and it added about $60,000 to the appraised value after only spending about $30,000. My dad's a contractor and can help me with all the non-licensed work (electrical, plumbing, etc).
I used a mortgage calculator and put in all the values (property tax, HOA fees, home insurance, etc) so I could get a feel for what the mortgage would look like. If I only put 20% down ($59,000), my payment would be approx $2,024. If I put an extra $32,000 down, for a total of $91,000 down, my payment would be approx $1,813, or $211 less per month. 90K or so is about the most I want to put down because I want to set aside some of the settlement money to pay off my credit cards and re-seed my savings that were decimated by legal fees.
The issue is my monthly income is fixed, so while it's obviously better in the long run to put more down on the house now and get less exposure to these high interest rates, if I were to instead pay off my vehicle, which is at 3.8%, and leave my home's down payment at 20%, my monthly spend would be $522 less. This $522 difference could determine whether or not I can fit the monthly mortgage into my budget. Then hopefully a year or two down the line, I can refinance at a lower rate and claw back some savings there.
$91,000 Down $1,813 Mortgage + $733 Car Payment = $2,546 = 47% of gross income $59,000 Down = $2,024 Mortgage + $0 Car Payment = $2,024 = 37% of gross income
*Most lenders want at most 36% percent debt/gross income ratio. So the only way to get close to that is to pay off my car.
Again, in order to get 50/50 custody of my kids, I have to buy a home in the immediate area of the marital home, so my options are limited, and unless a better deal hits the market, I'm going to have to shuffle things around to be able to afford it on a month by month basis. Until I buy a home, I'm looking at every other weekend with my kids, and I can't get back that missed time for any price.
Thoughts? I'm inclined to pay off my credit cards and vehicle, and get out from all debt except for the mortgage. And then refinance when the time is right. It seems the only way I can fit a mortgage into my monthly budget.

For context I'm a 25(f) and I live in Australia with my Grandmother and my Mum. I'm really fortunate in the fact that I don't have to pay too much rent and I'm living in a little shack at the back of the house. My wife is a 26(f) who is American and stuck overseas and we've been apart for some time trying to organise visas. I had originally planned to move over there but there have been immigration delays, and now my wife is planning to come to Australia. The visa for Aus is quite expensive. And despite not having to pay much rent, I work in childcare and don't earn very much money and need to pay for therapy and groceries etc. It's been tough with this cost of living crisis. I have been struggling to find a higher paying job and with HECS debts for uni going up and not being able to afford higher education. I'm in a tough spot. Now, my relationship with my Dad is interesting. He was emotionally abusive growing up and I have a lot of trauma from him, which was exacerbated from living with him and his wife for two years in my early twenties. They've had a history of not being particularly nice to me to put it lightly and favouring her biological children. Now my Dad is a pilot and makes very good money and so does his wife. They own five properties and do well for themselves. They even bought my step sister a house. Now, when I was in my teens my Dad bought an apartment and he promised me that when he sold it, the money would go to me so that I could help support myself financially and potentially buy my own home. Which is a dream for so many young people. Now last year my Dad and his wife decided to buy another home and tore it down to build over it. They've been so distracted by this build that they didn't make it to my wedding and forgot to tell me they weren't coming much to my horror. I was beyond upset but not surprised as he's missed countless things throughout my life including musicals I've been in, my own formal, my high school graduation. So no surprises there.
Anyway, recently my Dad told me that they planned on selling the apartment and using all the money on building this "dream home" as they refer to it. I've been in shock about it for a few weeks now and don't know what to make of this. I'm hurt all over again. My Dad knows I have been struggling financially for some time and emotionally especially being apart from my wife. I messaged my Dad and told him that he's selfish and that he should give me some of the funds from the property sale as promised to at least go towards my wife's visa. He's ignored my message and doesn't want to talk about this.
Was I too harsh on him? Or not harsh enough? Because to me it felt justified to call him out on his behaviour. But there is also so much going on in the world and this feels like such a capitalistic white woman problem. But I'm mad. What do you think?

It’s been difficult being a meth addict and drug dealer that didn’t want to get sober at all or stop selling for the last 8 years. Then I lost who I was once the Alcohol and Fentanyl took over.
Eventually, The passing of my wife, the suicide attempts, the violence and hardcore alcoholism to Fentanyl. Being evicted, hated waking up every morning and dope sick everyday. Whole paychecks on drugs. Being homeless wandering the streets trying to steal copper from light poles. Losing jobs after 3 days because I would be sick and couldn’t finish my shift. Realizing my family was mourning me while I was still alive. My rock bottom.
January 27th 2024
My life changed when I found AA. I had just gotten out of Detox 1st time visiting. Left a day early and then the withdrawal symptoms creeped in later that evening. My first meeting I was going through it. I stuck it out and continued going to meetings. I didn’t sleep much or if at all for 3 weeks. Not sure how I did that still.
Lately I struggle every morning to wake up or motivate my dopamine deprived brain. Difficult to navigate life when the reward system up there is fighting against me. My character defects had sometime to develop and hardwire into my personality and subconscious. I would say the things I find most difficult is keeping up with my laundry, thinking too much and negative self talk. Pity party’s that my inner dialogue invite me too..
Simple program? I can make it more difficult.
Having willingness along with rigorous honesty.
Holding myself accountable and having the courage to change certain things about myself helps me. Helping others caring about people. I used to care I thought but I always had an agenda driving that ounce of give a fuck.
Here in the right now that is gone I can love from the heart which I am grateful for. I can now look at my day at night and take a personal inventory of what I could’ve done better. I find that I’m always the problem no matter what anyone does. If I’m angry or upset I think about If I have been self seeking, dishonest and inconsiderate.
How it’s going, I’m onto my second Sponsor. Started going through the Big Book. Planning to go through the Steps again. Got myself into College and I work with one of my fellows. My license was reinstated and I’ve been able to hang my bicycle up finally after 8 years. I am able to pay my bills now and make money legally. My family feels whole again. I have a home group and a service position. I reach out I have grown to love strangers. I have found a higher power of my own understanding. I get to be a Father to my 11yr old son. Admitting the deepest darkest secrets of my past. Being willing to make amends for the harms done. I still struggle every step of the way. I have tools and know that there’s a way better alternative to active addiction. For all of this I’m filled with gratitude today.

This will be my first time ever openly sharing about my addiction; from the root cause to the effects and struggles that having a porn addiction has impacted my life to this day
So I just recently turned 21 and I'm beginning to look around and realize that for as long as I've acknowledged that I have a problem and need to quit, I keep feeding the addiction KNOWING that it's ruining my life. I'm going to split this post into 3 sections explaining the following stages: The root causes/early development, Progression of my addiction to current day, and Main struggles from my PA and how I go about everyday life to heal. Not exactly sure why I'm posting this but I just feel like it's something I need to let out. Hope someone can relate or give me their take on it.
The root causes/early development: So I believe that my PA manifested due to a few different reasons: Playing "doctor" with my sister as a child, early age porn exposure, and then using porn as a coping mechanism to deal with any negative emotions. So starting w/ "playing doctor", it first happened at a very young age, somewhere between elementary school to 6th grade. I think most people know what that is but to keep it short basically my sister who is a year older than me introduced my to basically role playing as doctor and patient. I wasn't sure if SHE even knew it was wrong but the point is, it happened. I genuinely don't think she was doing in an abusive way but I'll never know. I don't remember the small details of exactly how it happened but what leads me to think this was a factor that contributed to my porn addiction is that I know now as an adult that it's wrong, however as we "played doctor" I only grew to enjoy it and occasionally we took things outside of "playing doctor" - which is why I don't know what to make of it... Long story short it went from "doctor" to us making up our own games like "spy" where we pretended to fight each other as spy's, getting "knocked out" unconscious while she'd touch... and I specifically remember wanting to play these games in hopes that it led to that. But even outside of playing games I grew to wanting to touch her and act on perverted thoughts as a child that were NOT normal for my age or in general. And sometimes I would sneakily act on them - which as I'm reflecting on right now makes me think that me KNOWINGLY trying to be sneaky and act on perverted thoughts at that young of an age had to have carried on with me as I got older (contributing to my porn addiction).. And then the last thing that I vividly remember was when I was probably 10-12 years old is when again we were actually kind of aggressively play fighting, somehow ended up with each other's hands DOWN THERE mutually and we kept going on with each other until she made me.... yeah. And that was the last memory I had of what started out as us "playing doctor". Fast forward to current date since that last memory and we've never spoken about those experiences (more on that later). Going onto the actual exposure of pornography and WATCHING porn, I was exposed to it somewhere in between the same timeframe as when I'd play doctor and the last memory of us playing (somewhere between the ages of 8-12). I can vividly remember the scene that played late at night on the tv that my parents had left on (I shared a room with them). And then moving forward from there, somewhere in between I would find videos on YouTube of this "prank" channel where he'd go up to paid actors, bet that if he beat them in rock paper scissors that they'd have to make out with him. And as a young kid at the time seeing a girl in a bikini making out with a guy as he grabbed on her ass just made me horny and I learned to masturbate from there. And I cant think of a stronger dopamine hit for a 8-12 year old little me at the time than seeing those videos and pleasuring myself. After this, I'd hit middle school where I was bullied a lot, all while lacking social skills necessary to make any genuine friends or deal with the emotional turmoil of being bullied. Fast forward a few months and I think I just progressively began to normalize using porn as a coping mechanism - All the way from whenever I just got mad while dying repetitively on the videogame, to avoiding the fact that I hated my life everyday that I went to school. I'd use porn to receive that "good feeling" whenever I could. And I think my sexual addiction got worse when I began touching myself in the shower almost everyday in middle school to the imagination of the pretty girls that were at my school, even though I had neverarely talked to some of them. It was just a thing for me where every night I took a shower, I closed my eyes and fantasized about doing stuff with them. And then the cycles of me normalizing these things continued and eventually I found out about REAL porn sites.
Progression of my addiction to current day: So shortly after finding the real porn sites I entirely opted to use those as much as possible as the cycle continued. So by my freshman year of high school I was already using porn sites regularly. I remember during summer and winter breaks, sometimes I'd sleep at my grandmas and stay up all night switching from ejaculating to porn, to watching my favorite youtuber and streamers, to going back to jerking off. It was a multiple times a day/night occurrence OFTEN. Sometimes even during the middle of the day I'd pretend to use the bathroom but really I had a porn video pulled up and I watched until I was done. And as time progressed one video didn't exactly cut it for me. I don't think its that I couldn't get off to the first video, but more so that I just had the urge to see more and didn't want to nut yet. I didn't even know if I was purposely edging or not. I did not even understand that edging was a concept yet. Its just something that occurred naturally for me. And during all of this, I am still somewhere in the age range of 13-15. Consistently ejaculating to pornography, further exploring the more basic categories of porn like anal and lesbian. I think a notable memory was one of the first times I watched porn in the middle of work during summer break (extended family owns a construction company so I worked over breaks). It's crazy because in construction all we have are porta-potties that are always hot and nasty and the urge just came over me one day to pretend like I was using the bathroom and get one off before I went back... I don't think I even realized at the time that I had an addiction because this was still early high school. It was just something I looked at as a good feeling and whenever the urges came to me I took any chance I got to fulfill them. Even if I was sharing a room with a family member, I'd be as slow and quit as I could, touch myself under the covers, finish in my underwear and then showechange the next morning like it was normal. Moving forward, this type of behavior continues all the way throughout high school and the feeling of ejaculating just is not as intense as it use to be, so I look up ways to spice it up and I tried shit all the way from sitting on my own hand til it goes sort or numb so it "feels like someone else is touching you", to doing it in more risky places like my backyard outside when I was home alone and had my pants pulled down all the way, to whatever else I could try. Reflecting back, I just look at all these actions as the progressions of a sexual/porn addiction that is still developing. And this is how I rationalize the way I developed a porn addiction. Now it wasn't AWFUL in high school but it was getting bad. I realized that I had actually had a bad addiction that needed to be addressed a few months after graduating high school. From that point forward It was something that I had acknowledged was an issue but nonetheless, continued to do out of habit and as a continued coping mechanism. Whether it was from the lack of relationships, to my current life situation/direction I was headed in, or just any negative emotion - I used porn to release. Sometimes I'd even just do it out of boredom, not even because I had a dying urge to get one off. And then after that point of realization, I sat in "depression" for a few months still going about my everyday life until one day my dad mentioned that I should try therapy. He knew nothing about the addiction but I did let him know I feel depressed and the many struggles that I faced - which I believe is due to my porn addiction. So long story short, I go to therapy for about 3 sessions and end up dropping it because it just wasn't something I felt was helping or enjoyed (more on that later). From there to current day, I've gone at MOST one week periods attempting to quit porn and every time I relapse. From the age of 1 to-current day 21 years old, the progression of the categories of porn that I watch has grown and a few different fetishes like face sitting, femdom, and role play has increased. I don't NEED to watch these specific categories to get off, however these are ones I've found myself most recently watching and edging to, sometimes for 1-3 hours at a time, usually at night on weekends or before I fall asleep. And to take it a step further, I had started pouring money into camgirl sites, phone sex sites, only fans, etc.. I live with my parents still so it's not to the point that I'm broke and have no money, but still what the fuck am I doing putting my hard earned money into a porn addiction... (I'm a functioning adult on a pathway to financial freedom, more on this later).
Main struggles from my PA and how I go about everyday life to heal: So I believe that the main struggles with my porn addiction consist of: the inability/struggle to create and maintain healthy relationships, low self esteem, poor social skills, lack of motivation, and the cognitive dissonance of continuing my addiction to porn even though morally I believe it is wrong to lust over. I believe all of these struggles that come with porn are connected to each other - minus the cognitive dissonance. But everything else kind of stacks on top of each other. So my thought process is that I already dealt w/ low self esteem and confidence from a very young age, and porn just completely enhanced those problems and made it even harder to fix/work on. If you're anything like me and have watched videos on the sciences of porn on your brain, and possible struggles that we deal with, I'm assuming you know how it goes for the most part. I'd say I show symptoms of all effects of being a porn addict, however I've learned to "act normal" to an extent. Like YES I struggle to make friends and hold conversations with people in general but I can make it happen. Sure it'll be a little awkward depending on who I'm speaking to, but I feel like I act normal enough to not be a total outcast and all out weirdo around people. But I just feel like every relationship I have with anyone is extremely surface level or unfulfilling. I feel like as a person I lack so much substance and personality due to the fact that I never really put myself out there and learned social skills when I was coming up. My mindset was molded into something like "keep your head down and stay out the way" in order to avoid conflict. So I never really put myself out there to develop any type of super crazy/interesting personality. I work, play videogames, go to the gym, watch anime. I feel like there's not much else - which might also be a side affect of my porn addiction. Lack of emotion. And I refuse to call it depression. Kind of got red pilled by Andrew Tate Philosophy and it entirely HAS helped me. Maybe it's real, maybe it's not - because when I was fresh out of high school and hyper focused on the bad parts of my life, I felt depressed as shit. Legit like I couldn't do anything to fix it. And the more I identified as "depressed" the more I allowed myself to look for things in my life to confirm that belief. So eventually I went on a self improvement journey and just stopped allowing "depression" to hold power over me. Now I don't believe in it so it's not something that can hold me down in that crippling way. HOWEVER, I DO believe in just being in a shitty situation - which is what I feel like having a porn addiction along with it's effects and symptoms is. It's a shitty situation and I can either allow it to keep ruining my life OR I can get up everyday and attempt to fix it. And I refuse to play the victim card. Sure, I may have been exposed to some fucked up shit at a young age and used porn as a coping mechanism. There is no denying that it happened and that it may have been unfair and out of my control. YES, that's my problem. I may be a victim of pornography but I do not have to ALLOW it to continue to ruin my life. Easier said than done but it's definitely possible and I will not blame my lack of discipline or call it "depression" because I'm unable to quit. The way I see it is, there is a lot of shit that happened to me in the past that I have to come to terms with, and then I must come up with a plan to improve and learn how to be better. For example, struggling to hold eye contact with people, hold basic conversation with people (specifically women), find confidence within myself, become more social, etc... These are all skills that we can practice and learn. Simply by going outside and putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations that allow us to put the reps in. I believe that if I quit porn and start walking up to 10 strangers a day and try having simple conversations with them, in time I can only get better at being social and connecting with people. It's gonna suck and feel like shit at first, but I truly believe that it's a way to improve and get better. As I stand in my current situation I would say I have a lot of work to do but I'm still a functioning addict. I have friendships and relationships with family but they are very lack luster and I long for something deeper and more intimate. I know I'm not ugly and have the ability to pull a good looking girl, shit I've turned down this really pretty girl who always asks to hangout simply due to the fact that I feel like I'm gonna fuck it up and have bad social skills. And its getting to a point where friends and family are wondering why I haven't had a girlfriend in years. Overall its a lack of self esteem, which hinders me from being able to confidently put myself out there as a person who's deserving of love/companionship, which then makes me sort of self isolate and stray away from any type of connection or opportunity to be vulnerable. Which just leads me to feeling like a loser or someone that is undeserving of love because I'm just in a shitty situation. And yeah. Its kind of a self sabotaging cycle because I feel like I understand what's going on but I don't have the discipline and don't put the work in to get better. But that's just my two cents. This post was extremely long and I probably rifted off topic a few times and had my thoughts all over the place, and I still have a lot more I could give input about but this is the jist of everything
If anyone has a support group or needs someone to talk to, 1. I'd like to join the group, or 2. Feel free to message me for any support or conversation.