Ranking system:
5 - full size bottle already in my cart 4 - really enjoy it 3 - wouldn't buy again but might use up 2 - Could try one more time before giving away 1 - scrubbed and giving away
Super fast shipping, beautifully packaged, and a free sample ( Lost Lenore).
Surf Girl - (Notes of pink grapefruit, mandarin, bergamot, lychee, and cantaloupe with a touch of jungle greens and white tea leaves all on a bed of vanilla infused coconut milk and dusted with a light sugar musk.)
2 - A nice smell but 100% smells like whatever my grandma used to weause for soap. Very powder forward on me
Blackberry Lace - (Fresh and sweet, with just a touch of mystique. Vanilla and rum soaked blackberries with sweet pineapple chunks, delicate jasmine petals, dewy strawberry leaves, crisp apple peel, and wrapped in airy tendrils of white musk and soft amber.)
2 - Horribly saddened that for some reason it smells like mineral sunscreen on me.
The Moon Never Beams - (Notes of split vanilla beans, tonka infused cream, vanilla sugar musk, and just a whisper of vanilla orchids.)
2 - A pretty delicate powdery vanilla
Candied Orchid - (Sweet candied lemon peels nestled around sugared dipped vanilla orchids in a wash of fresh coconut milk and whipped vanilla cream topped with a kiss of spun sugar musk.)
2 - A sweet powdery floral
Violets & Cream - (Simple, beautiful, elegant and oh so delicious; candied violets and rich mounds of homemade marshmallow fluff and fresh sweet cream.)
2 - Four words: Choward's Violet Mint Candy
Kisses Like Candy - (Simple, sweet pink cotton candy kissed with a touch of pink magnolia, mandarin peel, soft amber, night blooming jasmine, pomegranate, heliotrope, and sugar musk.)
3 - Like you're taking a bubble bath while eating cotton candy. Really enjoy the dry down.
All the Ways - (Sweet and unassuming, a beautiful skin musk fragrance that is both comforting and alluring. Rice flowers, pink amber, fresh Asian plum, a touch of sweet coconut water, miniature violets, blackberry juice, and sheer vanilla musk.)
2 - Powdery soap.
☺️The Way You Blush - (Sweet and all innocence. Cotton candy, sweet vanilla infused sugar, crystalized bergamot, and candied violets)
5 - A LOVELY scent. It smells more sophisticated than what I had expected based off the description. I'm getting lots of tantalizing sweetness with a nice touch of bergamot to balance it out.
🎀Pink Petal Sugarcubes - (Notes of fresh cut peonies and tulips, wild honeysuckle branches, candied tangerine, glistening sugar cubes, raspberry syrup, and whipped vanilla.)
5 - It has what I'm coming to realize is Wylde Ivy's signature powdery scent. However, that's in the background for me. This description is not going to give it justice but: a watermelon jollyrancher with the coquette aesthetic. I said what I said and will not be elaborating.
🌹Lost Lenore - (Notes of dewy pink roses, faded parchment, ambergris, dried heather flowers, and white amber sugar)
5 - Never would have picked this one on my own but mannn do I love it! I realized that it was very close to something I'd worn in the past. It's Delina La Rosse by PDM! I wore them on opposite wrists and they smell like sisters (one preppy and one goth). To my nose they share the same rose heart note but Lost Lenore is more musky and dare I say complex.
In conclusion a lot of misses for me (3/10) but the ones I liked, I really enjoyed! There is something about certain notes pared with the powdery scents that are too nostalgic and bittersweet for me to get on board with. Unfortunately, I haven't pinned down exactly what notes it is lol. All in all I will be purchasing more from Wylde Ivy again. What I didn't like I know another person who enjoys powders will love.

PROLOGUE - PART I
Sergei: Phone rings - Takes a bite of his club sandwich and checks the screen, and rolls his eyes.
Andrei: Looks at him with a grin "It's her isn't it?"
Sergei: Finishes chewing and takes a sip of Mountain Dew, then answering the call "I thought you were in Boston today.
Natalia: "What, to get a Samuel Adams and a fucking potato? Get real! This is serious. I'm on a layover in Baltimore until 2, and then it's over to JFK. Did you get those pics I sent you, baby?"
Sergei: Furrows his brows to Andrei who saw the pics
Andrei: Smiles
Sergei: "Yeah, I got them alright. And I've got to say, that was fucking nice. How much were those? That shit was fucking golden!"
Natalia: "Well, you know, baby. It doesn't come cheap but Haji was able to pull some strings with Customs and talked to his uncle at the consulate. One thing led to another, and he got your dad exactly what he wanted for Christmas. Even got you and Dre an extra box for the party.
Sergei: Grinning now "It was fucking perfect. You're a doll for that one, sweetie. Dre loves them to, Right Dre?"
Andrei: "They're God damned tits compared to that cheap Honduran crap." Lighting a Cuban cigar with a wooden match
Natalia: "Well, enjoy. Look, I've got to get moving. I gotta pick up something to eat before I catch my next flight."
Ralphie: Walks into the kitchen with his Xbox headset on "Fuck you! Yeah? So's your mom! What? I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on, you fairy!"
Sergei: "Damn it, Ralphie! Manners." Whispers "Your stepmom is on the phone."
Ralphie: "Shit." Yells "Hi, Nat!"
Natalia: On speakerphone "Hiiiii Ralphie! Did you get the thing I sent you?"
Ralphie: "Yes, Nat. It's fucking rad!"
Sergei: "Ralphie! Language!"
Andrei: Takes a puff and chuckles "He's going to be a rockstar in no time. That's an original Fender Stratocaster!"
Sergei: "Yeah, my Jimi Hendrix over here…." Picks up a magazine and fans the smoke away as he walks into the living room for a more private conversation and tosses the January copy of Fortune 500 onto the couch "Natalia, look. I know we haven't got a chance to see each other, but I miss you, so God-Damned-Much…" slides open the patio door and steps out onto the balcony "It got me to thinking, you know. It's been what two weeks since we," Pauses and smiles, beaming "went to that crab restaurant and you were wearing that dress, and we went back to your place and-"
Natalia: "Yes, Serj, I remember…" She said with a giggle "and that cute waitress with the rack was hitting on you in front of me the whole time. She's lucky she was so hot, or I wouldn't have tipped her so well…"
Sergei: "Well, you know. If you were that into her we could have had her over to your place too, for a little minage et toi"
Natalia: "Slow your roll there, cowboy! I don't like pussy that much. Speaking of which, that bitch Shiniqua at the office did her nails again."
Sergei: *Frowns* "Doesn't she spend like $300 on her God damned nails every fucking week?"
Natalia: "Well she can afford it." Sighs "Bitch is fine as fuck and she knows it too. That's why she's so stuck up."
Sergei: "Doesn't she have that hot sister, what's her name?"
Natalia: "Oh! Right. The one you fucked before we got together. How in the Hell do you not remember her name?"
Sergei: "Oh, come on Nat, it was just a one night stand, and I was drunk, and she was persuasive…"
Natalia: "Serj, and hoe with titties is persuasive enough to get you in the God damned sack. Seriously, stop thinking with your fucking dick for once."
Sergei: "Look, I'm sorry babe. It's about business. Her uncle works the State Department, right?"
Natalia: sighs annoyed "Yeah, he's like a secretary or liason to the adjuctant or something like that. Why?"
Sergei: "I need you to see if her sister, what's her name with the nails?"
Natalia: "Shiniqua…"
Sergei: "See if Shiniqua can get me the goods on his boss. I hear the guy is really connected with mineral extraction firms, and I need to find out about that oil rig off of the coast of Juneau, Alaska."
Natalia: "Seriously, what the Hell is so important about some nosebleed rig off the coast of Juneau for crying out loud?" Loudspeaker blares in the distance "Look honey, I've got to catch my next flight. Can we do this later?"
Sergei: "Okay, but the next trime you speak to her, I need you to ask her if she can schedule a meet and greet with her uncle at the next banquet at the yacht club. I'll buy him and his wife a damned table. Seriously, though. We need to get him on board before the Governor's ball."
Natalia: "OKay, okay. I'll do it. You'll be lucky if that stuck up assed hoe goes for it though. She'll want something in return, and it'll be about more than just her expensive ass nails."
Sergei: "Okay, whatever she needs, we'll pull the strings to get it done. I love you babe. Have fun in New York…"
Natalia: "Yeah. And don't go getting shithoused at the bar with Andrei and end up plowing some floozie while I'm gone either. I'll cut your fuckin' balls off, you know…"
Sergei: Sighs while pinching his nose "I know. Love you."
Natalia: "Love you too sweetie. I'll call you when I get to my hotel room."
Sergei: "Okay baby. I can't wait for you to come home next week…"
Natalia: "More like your dong can't wait for this ass next week!"
Sergei: Laughs
Natalia: "Yeah. That's what I thought. Byeeeee!" Hangs up
Sergei: Leans against the railing on the balcony and takes a deep breath of the cold and crisp night air, before heading back in.
Andrei: "Good talk?" Putting out the cigar by cutting the end off with a cigar cutter and putting the cherry into an ashtray
Sergei: "She said she'll talk to her coworker about getting Brett to sit down for a meet and greet."
Andrei: "It's important, Sergei. His boss works for the Foundation. You won't find a record of his involvement anywhere in State Department files."
Sergei: "Seriously?"
Andrei: Chuckles "They don't friggin exist! Remember?"
Sergei: "Right…"
Andrei: "If we can get a sit down with him, he can get us connected to what's under Juneau. Once we've got access to that, we can step up the next phase of our operations."
Sergei: "And What the Hell is so important about fucking Juneau of all places anyways? I thought it was just a stupid oil rig."
Andrei: "That's not all it is Sergei… It's what's under the sea floor. The "Thingy" they uncovered when they were drilling."
Sergei: knits his brow "What in the Hell is the "Thingy"?"
Andrei: Tucks the stogie into a glass cigar case "That depends." whispers "Do you believe in aliens?"
Sergei: "I think you've had too much to drink, Uncle."
Andrei: "I kid you not."
Sergei: "Get out of here. No way!"
Andrei: "It's just rumor for now, but if it's a match for what the Old Gaurd found in Enurmino back in '25…"
Sergei: "You mean…"
Andrei: "Da."
Sergei: "So the legends are true then?"
Andrei: "No fucking joke."
Sergei: "Like," looks around then lowers his voice to a whisper "like Lizard people?"
Andrei: Looking around, puts his finger to his lips and nods
Sergei: mouths the words "Holy shit!"
Andrei: "Yeah that's what I'm saying. God Damned dinosaurs! Very rare. One of a kind."
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Chapter I - Todd is a brave man... Baltimore, Maryland - February, 2nd 2008
Lance Corporal Todd and Professor Chaos milled about in front of the kielbasa stand munching down some dogs with kraut, and washing it back with lemonade.
LCpl Todd: "Maaaan. A Milkor only holds 6 grenades at a time, that's like over 300+ cultists armed with HK MP5s, M4s, AK-47s, .50 Cal damn nests in the lobby, and fucking Scar heavys for the buildings security forces, not counting RPG-7s with thermobaric to take out vehicles and personnel and shit, and God damned stingers on the rooftops to take out fucking choppers in my immediate fucking AO. How in the fuck am I supposed cum dumpster that many shitheads by myself when the shit goes down? This isn't even a standard M32A1 for fucks sake! What South African shithole did they get this piece of junk from? Literally, Bill's Discount Firearms Emporium? Do I clusterfuck their shit into a quadruple cross and let them know they're ripping each other off now? Could cause a Mexican standoff and resultant shootout. That would be convenient, or do they fuck and fill my holes with bukkake and sacrifice me first? This is fucking clown shoes man. Fucking clown shoes... Fucking cults, man."
That plaza was relatively clear of cult operative activity which was focused on the front lobby of the building across the street and a block away.
Lieutentant Dan "Gator" watched the cams feed from the van.
Lt. Gator: "Look shitbreath, you gotta keep your balls on the prize. The SCIP is the prize. Nuts to butt and keep that fucker in front of you and use him like a God damned meat shield. If he gets popped we're fucked, so don't let that shit happen or Skippy Peanut Butter Company hits us with a O5 containment clusterfuck of crunchy dildos, and the last thing we need is Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto's cyborg service from fucking Styx singing "Come Sail Away" and Shanghai our asses on the Highway to the the God Damned Danger Zone. You know what they do to cornholes there for the fuckups? "
LCpl Todd, muttering under his breath, swiveled back toward the dogs cart, as a suspicious group of college aged/military aged males strolled by, being very chalant and looking around. Professor Chaos took point and fiddle fucked his blackberry absentmindedly while looking out of his perhipherals.
Lt. Gator: "Are you listening Top Gun? Fucking Use peanut boy Downtown Charlie Brown as a God damned salami sandwich and keep those fucking cookie monsters the fuck away from the Winnebago. Also, do NOT let anything happen to him and keep him in proximity. Got it? Also, where the fuck is Gunny? He should've been back with the Dominos to throw pepperoni at this motherfucker 5 minutes ago..."
LCpl Todd: "Just gotta ask, Maverick...err. Gator. Why in the living fuck do we keep using Sesame Street lingo?"
Lt. Gator: "Because the sick motherfuckers plow kids and post it to the deep web on a God damned website called motherfucking Sesame Street. Weren't you at the brief?"
LCpl Todd: "I Was, but I had to take a shit for like 5 minutes, so I guess I missed that part..."
Lt. Gator: "God damn it, Lance. Eat some motherfucking peanut butter crackers from the vending machine next time. It'll make you fucking constipated so you don't have to blow ass during God damned brief."
Gunny Wilson: "Boy, the fuck is wrong with yo' ass? Keep that Cookie Monster Lord summoning muthafucka the fuck away from my camper! The last thing I need is for Charlie Brown's cock holster to barf up a God damned queef spell with some Wizard shit on it during my mothafucking engagement, and end up pissing off Skippy and Jif management enough to pop us with God damned orbital bombardment. Ask that piece of cultist pedophile bait if this is where he saw himself being at the age of twenty six."
Professor Chaos: "Just another day, living the fucking dream, Sir. Seriously though, This is fucked up."
Gunny Wilson: "I swear, if Otis Spunkmeyer goes kamikaze with the Sesame Street Brigade, the God Damned Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch murder hobo legion lurking in the shadows of every storefront will start to go apeshit-. Mothafucka, are you listening, Gator? Tell Terminal Lance to get his ass in gear and keep those motherfuckers away from my ride! Put salami sandwich at the front on his exfil and this shit better go fucking swimmingly. If that motherfucker cum guzzles some motherfucking lead monster sperm on my watch, Corpsman will not be able to patch his bitch ass up in time, and it will be Hell on Earth when the shit stain bukkake brigade gets their way. Here's your motherfucking pizza, you fairy asswipe. Don't touch my Dr. Pepper..." He said taking a fat slice and gobbling down most of it in one breath.
Corpsman Bill: "Damn, Gunny. That was sexy! Here's your fucking bones for the pie, that's two Dubs and some coins, aaaand what in the flying fuck is Yui Hirasawa doing crossing my God Damned Street again? That's the third time in the past twenty minutes. Seriously, what the fuck is that shit? That better be a motherfucking Gibson Les Paul Sunburst in that God Damned Guitar case on her back and not a fucking cache of P-90s. Scoping that fucking loli, and she's got Azunyan-Chan with the God damned violin case, wait, correction, that's a fucking cello case, and they're lugging that shit to what I can only assume isn't Mugi's grandma's house. Looks like they've been pulling music and concert cases out of that minivan in front of the plaza, and parked it directly across the street from Shitbag Central. "
Corpsman Bill: "I swear to fucking Jesus, if Mugi shows up next with a motherfucking canvas wrapped tube slung over her shoulder, I'm going to assume it's a stinger launcher and not a fucking digeridoo. They didn't use a digeridoo in motherfucking Fua Fua Time, and if that's not a trio on their way to motherfucking Juliaird, and they're going all renegade Natalie Portman in Leon the Professional, I'm going to have a bad fucking time."
*Pulls the Multispec scope up to 10x*
"Checking that shit out, and it looks like Hokago Tea Time over there is up to no good. What the fuck Gator? Look at the backscatter X-ray on this shit. They're kitted out and ready to do the fucking dirty. What lolicon motherfucker called Pizza Hut to hire the three 20-30 somethings for a Lolita hit squad on our dry run?! This is bullshit. Are those bitches Triple Canopy or what? Hoes better not be motherfucking Speznas either. What in the fuck, Mugi's mean muggin the Bago. She's looking right at me. Did we get made? God Damn it. Who the fuck are they? Are they Langley?
*'Mugi' discretely flips him off where only he can see it*
Corpsman Bill: "Motherfucker... That fucking does it!"
Gunny Wilson: "Oh yeah. They're here to party, Bill."
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Chapter II - Light Music Club Isn't fucking Around Baltimore, Maryland - February, 2nd 2008
After flipping off Corpsman Bill, Eight flung her hair back, she ties it in a ponytail, and turns to walk back across the street.
Number 8: "Can you hear me fuck boy? That's cute with the K-on bit, you fucking lolicon scumbag motherfucker. Yo Six, you hear this fuckwad?"
Number 6: "Yep, dumb motherfucker forgot about the CrossCom uplink with Cent. You're on a hot mic with local AO dickbreath, the rest of your team is solid."
Corpsman Bill: "Awe fuck me running", Bill muttered.
Number 8: "You ready to do this shit, or are you just going to be oogling us through your pervert scope with your dick in your hand, cough, Fag."
Lt. Gator: "Now, now, ladies. Please contain your orgasms and homicidal ideations. We're all on the same team here."
Number 6: "Eat a dick, Lieutenant"
Number 5: "Six, knock it off. Let's play nice with fuckboy brigade and get this fucking show on the road. Culty asswipes are crawling all over the fucking place here. Read?"
Number 6: "Copy that, 5."
Number 5: "Good. And for the record, Corpsman, your knowledge of K-On is fucking uncanny. Do you wear school girl dresses in your mom's basement?"
Corpsman Bill: "God damn it, I don't have to take this shit…."
Number 5: "Whatever weeb. Anyways, here's a SITREP. Something pissed off that cult leader dickhead Otis Spunkmeyer aka Russel, and all of those Oscar the Grouch motherfuckers are looking out for someone big to show up. Looks like they're expecting VIPs. You know what that means?"
Lt. Gator: "What's that, Five?"
Number 5: "It means, Lieutenant, that the fucking cookie monster fuckwad brigade is going to be distracted for the next 13 minutes, and those child sacrificing cultist dickbreaths will be looking to brown nose to make that fucker Russel happy. Seven, you see anything pretty from your nest?"
Number 7/Overwatch: "Negative, Five. Looks like the Sesame Street convention is waiting around with their dicks in their hands for the moment."
Number 5: "Copy that. Look, Gator. You see that corner office on the 17th floor? That's where shit weasel extraordinaire is supposed to have the meet with whoever is showing up. We can't get a good read on audio because the motherfucker has white noise on the windows. Some culty garbage metal band we never fucking heard of. Laser mics aren't going to do shit for now. We need to find a way to get ears inside that room, and three quote unquote 'high school girls' aren't about to get fucking railed by fucking nasty walking into that fucking heathen's nest. Got any bright ideas?"
Lt. Gator: "Can you have someone from cent do a brush pass with a listening device?"
Number 5: "Got motherfuckers from cookie monster brigade already looking out for that shit. We had an informant within their perimeter security already, but he got popped in the fucking tart two hours ago. Apparently he wasn't properly indoctrinated in Serpent protocol, and got interrogated by a proselytizer. That's when he slipped up. Now that fucker Russel is keeping an eye out for interlopers and apostates. This shit is going to get a lot more difficult to get someone on the inside."
Lt. Gator: "Please tell me you've got a solution, Five…"
Number 6: "We could cause a power surge and overload that floors breakers, and kill the noise, but that would just piss that fucker off and they would hold the meet in a different room. We need that fucking window so we can pop a visual from the spider drones we have set up on the surrounding buildings."
Gunny Wilson: "What I wouldn't do for some noise cancel right now."
Number 7/Overwatch: "Yeah, no shit. We didn't deploy until about 45 minutes ago and we're late to the punch bowl. We've got 12 mins until mystery VIPs drop by, so we've got to get this shit figured out fast."
Lt. Gator: "Copy that five, we'll work on a solution, give us a minute"
LCpl Todd: "How about we send Charlie Brown aka Professor Chaos in there, Gator?"
Lt. Gator: "Negative, Lance. If those fuckers ID him it's fucking curtains. Gunny, got any bright ideas?"
Gunny Wilson: "Wait for the VIPs to show and tag one of their entourage with a listening device from across the street."
Number 5: "Can you pull that off, Gunny?"
Gunny Wilson: "No can do, Five. Will have to get danger close, and those Oscars and Cookie monsters will be swarming the VIPs on the lookout the minute they roll up."
LCpl Todd: "Well, why not tag one of the VIPs with a sticky? Overwatch, you got darts or what?"
Number 7/Overwatch: "If I don't get him on something thick, he'll feel it tag him as soon as it hits him. If they become wise, this shit cavity becomes a hornet's nest."
Lt. Gator: "What do you think, Five?"
Number 5: "It's the best option I've heard so far, so fuck it. Yeah."
Lt. Gator: "Okay, so tag one of the VIPs the minute they step out of the motorcade. If we're lucky, the greaseball fuckwad is wearing a fur coat."
Number 7/Overwatch: "Copy that. And speaking of greaseballs, there they come now. ETA 25 seconds. Looks like they're hauling ass."
Number 5: "Yeah, guessing Otis Spunkmeyer's got these motherfuckers on a tight schedule. Time it right, we only got one shot at this..."
Number 7/Overwatch: "Yeah, on it. Looks like it's the towncar... Ready for joy"
*The three vehicle motorcade pulled to a stop in front of the steps to dirtbag haven. Four armed guards hopped out of the lead and rear vehicle each, and the driver hopped out of the VIP middle vehicle and opened the door.*
Number 7/Overwatch: "Aaaaand holy motherfucking shit. Look who the fuck is popping out..."
Lt. Gator: "Oh fuck. That's Senator Calvin McCoulough. Standby..."
Gunny Wilson: "He's the Executive Director of the Weyland-Yutani fuckwad brigade, right?"
Number 7/Overwatch: "Take the fucking shot or not?"
Number 5: "Fuck that. Tag his ass!"
*There was a muffled click as the dart tagged the senator on his shoulder pad, just as his driver closed his passenger side door behind him. The dart was no bigger than a tailor's pin*
Number 7/Overwatch: "Bug's on his jacket"
Lt. Gator: "Audio confirmed. Let's see what this fucker does..."
*The senator's cell phone trilled and he pulled it out of his pocket. He stared at the screen momentarily and answered*
Senator McCoulough: "Yeah? No. Not a good time Brett, I'm about to be in a meeting with someone very important. Yes. I know, they usually do. Yeah, I know. I'll have to call you back. Yeah. Bye." He then hung up the phone and slid it back into his pocket.
Number 5: "Overwatch, you get audio too?"
Number 7/Overwatch: "Confirmed, Five. Looks like dickbreath was talking to 'Brett' so and so. We'll have Cent dig in and find out who the fuck that is..."
Gunny Wilson: "And there they go."
*Four of the armed guards followed Senator McCoulough from behind, while four led the way.*
Number 6: "You know who his goons might be working for, Lieutenant?"
Lt. Gator: "They don't look like secret service or PMC, let alone your typical Guidos. Look what they're wearing. Those are wool overcoats and tweed jackets. You see that fuckwad in the front, doesn't he look familiar?"
Number 5: "I saw that same motherfucker inside of Royal's Bank in the executive lounge... What the fuck is going on?"
Command: "Five Actual. This is command."
Number 5: "Go ahead command."
Command: "Stand down."
Number 5: "What the fuck do you mean, stand down?"
Command: "Do it. That's a fucking order."
*Five mouthed the words "Fuck" without uttering a sound*
Gunny Wilson: "What the fuck, command?"
Command: "That's above your fucking paygrade, Gunnery Sergeant. Scrub the God damned OP. NOW!"
Gunny Wilson: "What the-"
*Gator held his hand up to Gunny and they exchanged glances*
Command: "What the fuck is the hold up. Scrub the fucking mission and abort, or I'll put all of your asses in Leavenworth."
Lt. Gator: "Copy that, command. Standing down. You all heard him. Party's over."
Gator and gunny exchanged glances, and Lance stared at 5. The fire in her eyes could melt steel. The audio recording was still live from Senator McCoulough's bug as they made their way to the elevators. Shortly after the doors closed, the signal cut off. Using hand signals, 5 threw up two fingers to 7 in her nest. 7 Nodded. Gator and Gunny saw this on cams and said nothing. When the elevator doors to the 17th floor opens, the audio signal from the bug cut back on...
Command: "I don't think I've made myself abundantly clear. Abort the fucking mission. Lieutenant. 5. That means kill the coms too."
Everyone shook their heads and muttered strings of epithets. Lance yanked out his ear bud and 5 crossed her arms, looking across the street at 6. 6 threw her hands up. Gator then threw his headset on the counter in the van. "FUCK!". 7 Spit out the Grizzly wintergreen tucked in her lip, and muttered, "Shit on a fucking biscuit..."
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''Welcome, my guest, to the palace of Jericho!''
The prince said, waving his hands around, as we made it past the massive doors. Inside, a view very few peasants ever saw in their lives. Of absurdly tall ceilings, of intricate pillars, of statues commemorating past monarchs and high-standing officials. I Dieudonné couldn't believe my eyes, and followed the prince, savoring every sight and every second.
''Tell me, where would you like to have tea? We can go to the royal terrace, the balcony, the inner gardens...'' The prince asked me, as we made our way up the stairs of the atrium. I scratched my head and wondered, what would be the smartest answer?
''Well you see, I've always wanted to see what a prince's chamber would look like... If that's not asking too much of you, my liege.''
The prince turned around, with an annoying look on his face. ''Listen, you don't have to be so formal. Let's just be friends and enjoy ourselves.''
I jumped on the opportunity and raced to him, slapping him on his back, telling him how glad I was. ''But I don't want to be your friend just because you're the prince, don't get me wrong. I just like clever people is all'' I told him, and I saw him smile, through his nose and eyebrow gold chain, scintillating in the light of the hundreds of candles and torches around us.
Alone in the private chamber of the prince, I sat on the pillow on the ground, next to a low wooden table. My new friend the prince poured water in a kettle and put it over the fire. I wondered, why in the world would he make his own tea?
''Tell me, why not ask a servant?'' I finally asked him.
''Well I wouldn't really be treating you for tea, then, would I?'' He replied, walking toward me with a wooden box.
I made sure not to show any greed on my face, yet I couldn't stop wondering if that box was a present for me, considering the sheer luck I had of meeting the prince by chance, and becoming his friend as well. The prince put the box down in front of me, and opened it, revealing dozens of compartments, each holding fine quality ingredients, such as colorful powders, seeds like anis and cardamom, cinnamon bark and so many others I had never seen before.
''Tell me, what's your favourite tea? Do you like sweet, or bitter, hot or cold? Spiced or not?''
I Dieudonné was outmatched for once. I admitted I had no knowledge in tea whatsoever. ''I only know the dry, black one, that you break appart..''
The prince had a surprised look on his face; ''You mean tea bricks? I didn't think you'd be one of those types...''
I asked him what he meant by that, and he explained that people's taste in tea reveals a lot about themselves, who they are truly. I thought it incredibly funny how he needed tea preferences to tell the nature of people, when all I needed was to look at their face. But I rather enjoyed his little trick, this prince wasn't as stupid as people are usually...
''If I could have any tea, I'd have orange tea. I just don't think it's appropriate to ask for that, since you've already been so generous to me.''
For once I was being honest with him. I wouldn't dream of telling him the whole story about my father and the orange, the incense, but it felt good for once to tell the truth. The prince smiled and closed the wooden box, its overwhelming aroma taken away. He rushed out and left me all alone, in his room. For once in my life, I heard it. Complete silence. If not for the occasional crackling of the fire.
I Dieudonné closed my eyes and relaxed. I couldn't wait to sip on orange tea! Insidiously Greed got a hold on me once more, and I got up on my feet, remembering my plan, my princely plan...
I stepped around the room, looking at everything. The comically large bed, the white silken bedsheets, the pillows filled with feathers. The bookshelves full of not only books and scrolls but also of trinkets like a globe of the earth, a telescope and most intriguing of all a tiny chest, half-opened. I could see, if I got close enough, coins perhaps?
I kept listening to any coming footsteps, so as not to be caught in the act, but the kettle started boiling and whistling. I had to get back to my seat but my body was moving on its own! Only one of these gold coins would give me the life of a prince, if only for a single day... And the door opened. I shifted my gaze to the telescope, pretending not to hear the prince coming in, to be fascinated by the instrument.
''Tell me, do you look at the stars sometimes?'' The prince asked me, in his hands, a bowl, filled with orange powder.
''I don't think I've spent a single night not looking at the stars'' I lied, looking at him smiling.
He placed the bowl on the table, brought over the kettle, as I took my seat once more, just before stealing a last look at the tiny chest in the bookshelf. From under the table he took out a tea making kit, with a few cups, a tray and two peculiar statuettes, representing a dragon and a sheep.
I sat there and looked at my new friend, the prince of Jericho, brew orange tea. He gave me a tiny hourglass, instructing me to flip it over once he pours the boiling water on the tea. Instantly the aroma filled the chamber, and I noticed we both started smiling. I brought my cup closer yet to my surprise he poured the tea over the statuettes, wasting the tea.
''Why waste it?'' I couldn't help asking. He laughed and explained how the first steep is merely to wash the tea, and is offered to the tea pets. I sat there, nodding, arms crossed. Ah yes. It seems the prince is a tea connoisseur! I couldn't help but think he just wanted to show off to me, his new friend.
The prince poured the water once more, I flipped the hourglass once more, and he offered me the first cup. I brought it to my nose and Heavens did it smell good. I dipped my lips into it but at that instant I thought about Daysha, how happy she would've been to be here right now, and what she was doing instead, for my sake..
The tea was surprisingly bitter, yet so aromatic! The prince laughed and laughed, and poured himself a cup. His laugh was surprisingly familiar, much akin to the ones of my neighboors back in my hometown. He gulped down his tea and got up, clapping his hands. I did the same and saw him run to the telescope. He brought it over to the window, and gestured me to come over. Stargazing now, are we?
He took a few minutes to set everything up, while I waited outside on the balcony. The view was already incredible, overlooking the inner palace and most of Jericho as well. From here I could see the plaza, but not beyond the tall walls. The prince finally said it's ready, and I got closer, curious as to what that tool could show me that I couldn't see with my eyes. Stars are stars after all.
But what I saw, in that strange little tube was not a star but an orange, stripy ball, with some bright dots around it... What in the world?
''That, my friend, is Al-Mushtari, as the arabs call it. We call it Jupiter, the greatest god of them all!''
To gaze at gods themselves! I fell on my butt, suddenly dizzy. The prince laughed and looked through the telescope as well, smiling ever more. At that moment I really wanted to leave, but also to make sure I'd see the prince again, for my plan hinged on that.
''My prince I must thank you for your hospitality. What pleasure to share tea and spy on the gods with his majesty-'' I started, but he turned toward me with a puzzled look on his face.
''Don't tell me, you're off already?''
I explained to him how I just got to Jericho today, and that I had to get back to my sister and uncle, and he stopped me once more;
''Well remember, then. I'll meet you tomorrow morning at the plaza. I truly wish to meet this family of yours, and offer my blessings. Take care now, my friend.''
And for the first time in my life, the man I was talking to had the face of a friend, and I didn't know what to think for a while. He walked me out in silence, and shook my hand, leaving in it a tiny bag. I smiled and walked out, escorted by the palace guards, inspecting in my hand yet another present from the prince; more of that orange tea powder.
Standing there in front of the metal gate of the palace, that closed behind me, I felt somewhat alone, if only for an instant. I am, after all, Dieudonné, a man that is truly free. Yet I couldn't help but look forward to meeting my new friend again, the prince. And gifting the orange tea to my foolish sister, as an apology. Yet beyond that, the dark clouds that were my princely plans loomed over all.
Making my way back to the fruit shop, I couldn't help but think back on Daysha and that tall man Lemarcus. As much of a fool as she is, my sister truly saved me there, and made it possible to meet the prince as well. This present may not be much, but I hope it'll show her how grateful I am of her help. Though she did owe me one...
The streets of Jericho were unusually quiet and empty. Some loners were here and there, smoking and drinking. Others were hurrying their steps, as if late to some important meeting. How miserable. At that moment I Dieudonné realized I was one of them! One more of these rats, scurrying about in the dead of night, hurrying toward the void that is their lives!
No matter what face I have truly, that of a prince or of a peasant, what matters are my actions. No more of this! I know what to do, to become prince at last, and fate itself landed me a hand! Yes, I will go forth with my plan, no matter what. For the life of a prince is the only life worthy for me.
I passed under a low banner and in this dark alleyway I thought back on Daquan, that guard I had poisonned so cleverly. I couldn't help smiling, and I didn't really like what that meant about me. Is killing a man that simple? Behind me, a fool, coughing and stumbling, his breathing raspy and annoying. I hurried my steps, as I was close to the fruit shop, but it seemed like the sick fool behind me hurried as well. I turned around briefly, and in the feeble moonlight I saw his bearded, scarred face, no longer that of a gambler, but that of a vengeful killer. We crossed eyes and he yelled ''Dieudonné you peasant!''
I didn't like that. I faced him, separated by a few dozen meters, surrounded by boxes and garbage bins and low hanging banners. We were completely alone here in the alleyway, and the only thing I could hear was his struggling breathing, and his coughing, as he was hurrying toward me, holding something in his hand, what, a knife?
I Dieudonné had enough of that man. No matter how grateful I was of the hand of fate, bringing me closer to my goal using that despicable man, I decided to finish what I had started.
''What, you want to kill me, good guard?'' I taunted him, looking at his curved dagger in his shaky hand. Daquan coughed once more and leaped toward me, screaming, murder in his eyes, but he was so slow from the rat poison. I punched his arm and his dagger fell on the ground loudly. ''What did you do to me?'' he shouted, his face so close to me I could smell his incoming death. I remember just how ugly and pityful he seemed to me. He had the face of an angry child, throwing a tantrum for having his favourite toy taken away.
''You deserve this, you failure of a man..'' I whispered, as I grabbed him by the neck. His bloodshot eyes then filled with fear, with dread, and at that moment I let go of him, frightened. What was I trying to do?
But Daquan reached for his dagger once more and I remembered my vow. To do whatever it takes. ''I can't die, for I become prince tomorrow.'' And so I kicked his face and his belly, I turned him on his back and pummeled his face, his gambler face, and ignored whatever he was trying to say to me, until his weak arms couldn't stay up anymore.
I didn't notice rain had started, and I got up from down there, my fists bloodied in red, my head aching. I looked down at the dagger and laughed, what a ridiculous tool. I pushed Daquan to the side of the alley, under a few boxes and a fallen banner, and I spat on him, as he extended his hand to me, begging for help. ''Die as the rat you are..''
I ran away from there, back to the fruit shop. I didn't know if I wanted to laugh at the top of my lungs or collapse and cry. All I wanted was to be alone. I made it to a crossway, and looking around I- well I was lost. Where the hell am I? What am I doing here?
Tall dark buildings. Banners whirling in the wind, wires flailing about, crows cawing, flying around high above me, under the feeble rain. I looked to one side, and the other, I couldn't tell the difference! Where is Daysha, where is the black lake, and my hometown? Why am I here, in this hellish city, alone, my hands stained with murder?
I noticed I was shaking, and couldn't breathe properly, and my mind was spiraling, how dizzy I felt. I sat down, there in a dark corner of an alley, and I placed boxes over me, and covered my feet with a fallen banner, and tried to sleep, just to escape. I tried to sleep just to see if all that really happened. I tried to sleep and realized once more, I was nothing different from Daquan! Here I was, same as him, except I'm to keep living in this shithole of a life I have been so proud of living.
I, Dieudonné, thought of suicide for the first time that night.
The crows woke me up once more, not their cawing but their beaks! I jumped awake and chased the black birds away. Did they think I had died? As if I would die such a meaningless death... My head was aching all the more, and I got up, trying to piece out where I was exactly. I was just a few buildings away from the flower shop actually. All around me, the bustling life of Jericho had started anew, in the early hours of the morning. The sun had just started to rise, and a soft breeze washed away my worries, if only for an instant.
I Dieudonné entered the fruit shop, nonchalantly, my hands in my pocket, for they were still bruised. But no one was there. I was expecting Daysha, ready to jump in my arms, and the tall Lemarcus to be standing in his doorframe in the back, reeking of tobacco. Only the parrot greeted me, with his usual ''Thief, thief, thief I say!''
But I had had enough of that, and as I made my way to the back of the shop I shooed the bird with my hands. Upon seeing my bloodied, bruised knuckles the parrot flew away screeching ''Murderer! Thief! Murderer!'' and I froze. Did I really kill that man? And not by poison, with my own two hands? I walked in the bathroom there, and I noticed a big tall mirror. I made sure not to see my reflection. I jumped in the shower and washed away the dreadful night, to be ready for the dreadful day I become prince at last.
All ready I walked to Lemarcus's door, and knocked quietly. ''Daysha?''
I heard some rustlings, a few steps, and my sister whispered as well from beyond the closed door. ''Go away Dieudonné. I don't want to see you ever again. What a brother you are.''
Her words hit me like a brick. I kneeled down and slid under the door the little bag of orange tea, the prince had given me. ''All I want to say is, I'm sorry.'' I told her. And I meant it.
I heard her pick it up, and scuffle back to the bed. I heard Lemarcus's voice, and Daysha's voice, such loving words, and I was taken aback. I thought she would hate him!
I stole some lotion in the bathroom for my knuckles, thank you Lemarcus. I made haste for the plaza, for the prince himself was waiting for me. On the way there, I could hear faint music, festivities, growing louder and louder. I hurried my steps, much like a child would do, and low and behold a full on festival was taking place, with dozens of musicians playing drums, flutes, lutes and others singing. Dragons and sheeps were dancing to the music, their big colorful bodies going up and down, moved by the many feets beneath them. Kids were running around, petals were falling from Jericho's sky and a new, bold banner was erected, its calligraphy impeccable : Tea Festival.
And there, standing alone at the entrance of the plaza, the prince. Approaching him I noticed his smile, and how relaxed he looked. I took the time to really look at him, at the gold chains on his face, at his crown, at his clothes so elegant. On his face I saw the face of a happy man, and I didn't like that.
He saw me at last and ran toward me, smiling, his eyes full of life. I noticed around him, the people, recognizing their prince, and smiling, and bowing, and I could see how respected he was. I thought, back then, about just how badly I needed that, just how badly I needed everyone to look up to me, to worship me. My vow strenghtened once more, and hugging my new friend smiling I could only think of murder, of deceit.
We entered the fruit shop, and it was still empty, the closed door of Lemarcus in the back there made me wonder if they were still in or out. No matter. All I needed was a few minutes. ''I'd like to treat you to tea, as well, as we wait for my family.'' I told the prince, and he sat down. How glad I was of the parrot not being there, that irritating creature. To my surprise the prince said ''I always wanted to taste that tea brick of yours!'' and I couldn't help laughing.
The kettle whistling, just like it did the day before at the palace, I poured into it the harsh bits of black tea. A far cry from the expensive ingredients of the prince. I told him to bring over a few blackberries, how nicely would they go with our black tea. In the meantime I poured myself a cup, and quickly threw in the rest of the rat poison I had bought the day before in the kettle. I exhaled and closed my eyes for a second. The prince came back and pretended to throw a berry in my mouth, laughing. And he did, a perfect throw! How oblivious can the prince be?
''So, my prince, what are you planning to do today?'' I asked him, pouring down his death sentence in his tiny cup.
The bitter, almost poor aroma of the leaves surrounded us, and as he lifted his cup he told me how he didn't have much planned today, and that they could perhaps spend time at the tea festival. I looked deeply in his eyes, waiting for him to drink his tea at last.
Right then the backdoor opened, and tobacco filled the air, to my annoyance. The prince put down his cup and got up, bowing to the tall man and the curly woman looking at us. Right there I cursed the heavens, and slammed my cup on the table.
''My sister Daysha, uncle Lemarcus, please meet my new friend, the prince of Jericho!'' I proclaimed, a bit too loudly.
I remember the look on lemarcus's face, his squinty eyes, pinning me down, I could tell he didn't like me. Once again Daysha proved to be a useful fool and grabbed his arm, dragging him toward us.
The prince sat back down, and offered them to share tea with us. I got up and took the kettle, saying how I'll just make a new batch, but the prince insisted. ''As you told me yesterday, why waste it?''
Of course I wanted the prince to drink it and die, so that I could take his place. And I didn't mind if that man lemarcus dies, for I despised him. But I didn't want Daysha my sister to die such a meaningless death!
''Very well, but Daysha, you won't like it. Why don't you bring us some refreshments instead?'' I proposed, trying to get her to look me in the eyes, and notice what was going on. But the fool was clutching at lemarcus's arm, smiling, and told me she'll just add my present to the tea, that she took out.
The orange tea I gifted her! And so the prince took it upon himself to pour two more cups to Daysha and Lemarcus. She added the bright orange powder to her cup, and also to everyone's cups, smiling.
Daysha asked a few questions to the prince, as they ate berries, holding their lethal cups, warming their hands. I Dieudonné sat there, and debated if I should just flip the table and maybe punch lemarcus, as a pretext to stop everyone from drinking the tea. After all, I'd get another chance sooner or later.
I looked down at my cup, and catched a glimpse of my reflection, amidst the scintillating of the orange powder, much akin to the prince's golden chains on his face, and at once the fountain of greed within me sprang anew. Damn it all!
She's a fool, he's a lustful man, and he's the prince I'm meant to be!
''Now, let's drink to our new friendship!''
And I burned my throat, gulping down the tea, not even tasting it. I slammed the cup on the table, and to my horror, to my bliss, they all did the same.
With how much rat poison I had put in the tea, the effects would start rather soon. My sister, with rosy cheeks, asked me ''Dieudonné, you told us your friend is the prince, yes, but you never told us his name?''
And at that I couldn't hold my laughters, it was too much for me.
''Yes, you never did ask for my name, even after you told me you didn't care about me being prince...''
We all grew silent. The prince added, smiling, ''Tell me, are we really friends?''
This is when they started dying.
Coughing, and retching, and all that. I dragged Daysha and Lemarcus to their room, making my best impression of someone worried for his friends, for his sister. She held my arm, and in her eyes, the same fear in saw in Daquan the day before. She whispered, in my ear, how she wanted to give me a present, as thanks for bringing her with me here to Jericho. She placed in my hand, orange incense. We both got teary eyes. I told her, once again, for the last time, ''I'm sorry.''
I closed the backdoor. Alone once again with the prince, I towered over him. He was asking for a glass of water, and to go fetch a guard, to bring him back to the palace.
I lied to him once again ''Now, my friend. I have an antidote, but first you have to tell me everything I need to know about you, about the prince of Jericho.''
He was shocked, and couldn't breathe for a few seconds. I fell to my knees and slapped him. I told him ''You see, my friend, I'll take your place as prince, and become the man I was always meant to be.''
At that the prince struggled to laugh, holding my arms; ''I was never the prince! I did just like you, Dieudonné my friend. I took the jewels and the clothes and the knowledge of the last prince, and I made myself prince.''
I got up, and stared him down. He added ''And the prince before that! All pretending, all greedy, all imposters!''
He struggled to get up, fell to his knees, and whispered to me, holding my legs ''I have only ever showed you kindness, generosity, friendship... And you would kill me, and take my place?''
I saw, at that moment, the prince had the face of despair. I pushed him down on the ground, and I couldn't help but cry as I removed his clothes, his crown, and painstakingly removed his golden chains, the true symbol of his majesty.
All the while the prince was laying there on the ground, staring at the ceiling. He tells me, his voice raspy and his breathing short; ''So you'll get my haircut, get some new piercings, wear my clothes and my jewels... So you'll be the new prince of Jericho... Will that satisfy you?''
I froze. I looked down to him. he added, pleading;
''Will you at least spare me, your friend? I'll tell you everything you need to know, the name of the servants, how you should act, secrets, all of it. Just give me the antidote, and give Daysha and Lemarcus the antidote. And go, I'll forget about you, Dieudonné, the man I thought was my friend.''
He told me everything, and I lied to him once more, about how the antidote will save his life. I made him drink some of my tea, and he smiled. I asked him his name, and he told me, crying.
But I forgot.
As I walked out, the parrot rushed in, yelling ''Murderer! Murderer! Thief!'' Once more.
The next day, I was walking down the main road, on my way to the palace of Jericho. On my face, the gold chains, on my head, the crown. And adorning me, clothes beffiting of a prince. And on everyone's faces, admiration, love, respect.
I held my head high, and smiled broadly, for at last I was a prince, with the face of a prince. What bliss.
I entered the palace, and made haste to my chamber, where a few days ago I drank tea and laughed with the previous prince. I jumped on the bed, took a nap. Never slept better in my whole life. I awoke and filled my pockets with gold coins, emeralds and ivory. I demanded a servant to make me some orange tea, but I didn't drink it, I wasted it.
I pushed open the bathroom door, avoiding the mirror once more. And there, the bathtub of a prince, with lotions and soaps and warm water on tap. I poured myself a bath, filled with all the luxury products I could find. I reached for my pocket and took out the orange incense Daysha had given me, before dying of my hand.
I placed it down on the counter, in front of the mirror, and lit it, its fragrance, taking me all the way back to my hometown, to little Daysha and my family.
I glimpsed at the mirror at last, looking at my perfect reflection. Never before had I seen my face so clearly, if not from the still surface of the cursed lake. In the flickering of the candles, I saw the face of a murderer. I saw the face of a thief. I saw the face of a spiteful man.
I couldn't take it anymore, I punched the mirror, reopening my wounds on my knuckles. The mirror cracked, and my reflection was mutliplied. I looked at my bloodshot eyes, at my golden chains, at my stupid haircut, and I grabbed the golden chains and screamed as I tore them with all my force. Blood gushing out, pieces of my nose, my ear and my eyebrow, at the tip of the golden chains. I threw away the crown and tore down my clothes, drops of red staining the royal floor, as I ran away toward the exit, toward the roads of Jericho.
Outside, I walked around, aimlessly, my mind, numb. I was just so tired of it all. So what if I was prince at last?
There, walking toward me, peeling away his orange, the tall man in the white hat, the blind man, the man with the wise face. He puts a hand on my shoulder, and says, as if to himself :
''Ah! There is the man with the cursed face. Welcome to Jericho!''
Thank you so much for reading, please leave a comment! I would love to read your thoughts-

Hey all, here with a roundup of impressions! Many of you already know and love these houses, but maybe some of these are scents you haven’t had a chance to try yet. The number ratings are kinda made up because I haven’t fully made up my mind yet.

Death and Floral

I only ordered roller balls from them. They were all blind buys, though I had already sniff-tested other fragrances of theirs. Overall, I feel like I got good quality for what I paid. The bottles have slightly holographic labels, which is a nice touch! I like the art more than I expected to and wish it were highlighted on the website. The total turnaround time ended up being VERY long–about a month and a half, which lessens my enthusiasm for ordering more. Everything I ordered was from the unlisted catalog, which is probably part of why it took so long.
Crows, Cats, and Vampire Bats: 2.8 / 5

• Notes: Fresh bergamot, rose kush, tonka bean, black patchouli, blended together with a hint of black pepper
• It’s mostly patchouli and unfortunately there’s more of it than I want. Not getting the tonka, and I wish I were getting more of the black pepper. I am getting a good dose of the bergamot though, especially now that the bottle has settled a little. Sharp, tangy, earthy.
• I don’t expect to rebuy this one, but I do wear it.

Night of the Living Basil: 3 / 5

• Notes: Holy basil, cloves, darkened orange spice
• The basil struck me as a grassy note at first; I’m not completely sure I would’ve recognized it as basil if I didn’t know to look for it. But, it IS definitely basil, a nice earthy green. The scent is otherwise pretty one-note. I’m not really getting the spices. I’m enjoying this one though! I mostly wear it on its own, but I like layering it with Crows, Cats, and Vampire Bats or Pacifica’s Tsucan Blood Orange.
• Not sure if I’d re-buy this one or not. It’s gonna last me a while at any rate.

Scream Ferociously: 3.7 / 5

• Notes: Orange blossoms and fierce summer lemonade, blended with green leaves and black tea
• It pulls very lemon but an almost musty, slightly sweet lemon. I like it better the more I smell it. I also love the art–it features a roaring lion, which is honestly more fearsome than what this scent is actually giving but is aesthetically pleasing and adds to the overall summery vibe I’m getting from this.
• I’d consider buying this one again.

A Ceiling Made of Stars (Scent of the Month February 2024): 3.4 / 5

• Notes: Pink Saffron blended with blackberries & spiced black amber
• This was the freebie that came with my order. It’s warm and sweet but not cloying. The berry comes through in an artificial way, like a pink Hi-Chew, which I find pleasantly nostalgic. I think this would be a nightmare as a body spray, but I’m enjoying it more than I expected to as an oil.
• I’d consider buying this one again.

Nui Cobalt Designs

All of these were small samples I picked up on the IMAM Sunday Swap. Based on these, I would definitely try Nui Cobalt again in the future, but I wouldn’t feel safe blind buying from them.
Leo: 3.8 / 5

• Notes: Honey bourbon, heliotrope, golden copal, galangal, yellow mandarin, and maple wood.
• The boozy honey comes through very strongly. A good scent for napping in the sun.
• I would strongly consider buying this one again if it weren’t sold out. I’ll be keeping my eye out for honey bourbon scents from them in the future!

Gryphon: 4 / 5

• Notes: fresh ginger, hinoki, and white grapefruit, a glowing heart of sandalwood incense, saffron, and hay, with a base of bronze musk, sun-warmed suede, and rich benzoin.
• Opens very woody then quickly shifts to tangy and a little bit sweet–I think that’s the grapefruit.
• I would consider buying this one again, but it’s sold out. However, this at least tells me that I like NCD’s version of these notes!

The Mouse King: 3.5 / 5

• Notes: The tang of wild opopanax, a snap of rhubarb, freshly grated ginger, dusty brown suede, dark guaiac wood, labdanum, and savage musk.
• I was most excited to try this one! It doesn’t make me picture a savage, antagonistic Nutcracker mouse but instead a cute, brave Redwall mouse. It opens powdery and tangy with an oddly nostalgic note that reminds me of fake makeup products I had as a kid. Then it shifts to an earthy-clean musk but gets sharper and greener as it dries. I’m really curious to try layering it with something fruity.
• I’m not sure if I’d rebuy this one again or not!

Clockwork Dolls: 1.5 / 5

• Notes: Top notes of yellow mandarin and fresh rosemary, a heart of sandalwood incense, and a base of bronze musk, black amber, and Sumatran benzoin.
• This one didn’t smell like any of the notes to me, but it definitely feels like part of a Christmas collection ( it is). It gave me pure molasses cookie, almost exactly like Imaginary Authors’ A Whiff of Wafflecone. Too sweet for me! And it ENDURED. My sleeve where it touched my wrist still smelled like it over 24 hours later. I emailed NCD for their thoughts on which note it was so that I can try to avoid it in the future, and they confirmed it was probably their black amber and maybe the benzoin, maybe the perfect storm of the two combined. I’m bummed I didn’t get any of the rosemary note.
• Gifted to a friend!

Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab

These were also samples from the IMAM Sunday Swap. This was an odd mix, and I didn’t get anything I think I’m likely to repurchase. I’d give BPAL another chance because I didn’t get to try any of their dark, fruity scents, which originally attracted me to them, but I would not blind buy and I’d think it over carefully first.
Aperotos Eros: 1.5 / 5

• Notes: Unloving love: benzoin, Indian musk, massoia bark, myrrh, ambrette seed, galbanum, bergamot, and fir.
• I think most of what I’m smelling here is the Indian musk and myrrh, because it smells exactly like a tarot-and-incense shop. Not bad but not a standout. For me, this is not wearable by itself but could be nice with something citrusy. This one is also quite dark and has the potential to stain clothing! And it’s tenacious! Even a tiny amount held onto my skin for many hours.
• Swapped away!

Medea: 2.5 / 5

• Notes: Night-blooming cereus, black orchid, black currant and myrtle leaf enshrouded in the incense of Hecate’s cypress and myrrh, and the dark rage of magickal labdanum and intoxicating poppy.
• This one was a journey and changed a lot as I wore it. It’s cypress forward and the first impression from the bottle is sharp. On my skin, it mellowed considerably, becoming fresh and almost powdery. Then it took a turn toward Pinesol (RIP) and then another turn toward soap (RIP again), finally settling somewhere more softly evergreen-fresh but wearable. It ultimately wasn’t for me.
• Swapped away!

Namaste: 2.5 / 5

• Notes: Sandalwood, jasmine, rose, patchouli, cedarwood and lemongrass.
• Like Medea, Namaste was a journey. It’s lemongrass dominant, and that was all I got at first. As it dried, it became subtly more floral with a slight but not unpleasant funk to it. Unfortunately. This one also spent a little time in cleaning solvent land but dried down to a very faint lemongrass. I might give it another chance, but I think it's just too much lemongrass for me.
• Not planning to rebuy.

Ultraviolet: 1 / 5

• Notes: eucalyptus, mint, neroli, violet
• It’s been discontinued, and I can see why: it’s pure dentist’s office. I wonder if some sweetness would fix it or make it worse.
• Can’t rebuy since it’s discontinued, but I wouldn’t anyway.

Brusque Violet: 2 / 5

• Notes: Violet petal, violet leaf, osmanthus, orris, mint, and opoponax.
• She is brusque! A sharp, powdery floral. I don’t think violet is for me.
• Not rebuying.

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Fantome

This is my favorite indie house I’ve tried so far. Beautiful presentation! I blind bought several rollerballs and some samples, plus one rollerball I’d previously sniff-tested and loved. Unfortunately, everything I’ve tried has been solid and now I want to buy even more from them! Help! I would feel pretty confident blind-buying a lot of their blends–and I intend to, haha. I really want Lorelei, and I’m also considering Vasilissa, Marya Morevna, Kensington, and Faun. If you’ve tried any of those, let me know what you thought! The TAT has consistently been about a month, as advertised on their website. I wish it were faster, but it’s been worth the wait. Plus it’s queer woman-owned, ugh, my heart!
Olwyn: 4 / 5

• Notes: Magnolias, white lilies, night-blooming jasmine, and gardenias over rich, buttery vanilla, myrrh, benzoin, and a hint of orange blossom
• A heady mix of white florals that dries down creamy and slightly sweet. I blind bought this and it was exactly what I expected. I only wish it lasted longer, but so it goes with oil rollers. It has pretty good throw while it lasts, though.
• Would definitely rebuy.

Kinmokusei: 3.6 / 5

• Notes: Golden osmanthus in its full complexity—golden blossoms tinged with citrus, ripe apricot, juicy peach, tree sap, and deep, resinous amber.
• This was a free sample with one of my orders. It’s sweet, juicy, and bright. It has slightly better projection and duration than Olwyn but dries down to a plasticy orange.
• I would consider buying a full roller ball, but there are other things I want more.

Baba Yaga: 2.9 / 5

• Notes: Black and red musk, a smoldering cauldron, cracked bone, cardamom, warm wood, hanging animal skins, burning mugwort.
• I sniff tested this one once and liked it enough to buy a sample but not enough to commit to a roller ball. It’s not the kind of thing I’d use often, but I do like it. It reminds me of an incense shop, but the herbal notes and musk keep it from feeling too hippie to me.
• I don’t think I’d size up in this, but I’m glad to have a teeny bit of it for every now and then!

Lycanthrope: 3.7 / 5

• Notes: Spicy tomato leaf, dark honey, and oakmoss, with hints of peach, lychee, ivy, vanilla, and tomatoes fresh from the vine.
• This was my entry into Fantome! I sniff-tested this once, and liked it enough to buy a roller ball. It's sweeter than I remembered. The opening is very bright and reminds me of what I like most about Imaginary Authors The Soft Lawn. (Has it secretly been the oak moss and not the linden I’ve loved all along?) It becomes mossier and more tomato viney as it dries down. Not terribly long-lasting, but enjoyable! Not quite green or fruity. Almost powdery but not exactly? This one is hard for me to pin down.
• I’d consider rebuying.

Surem: 3 / 5

• Notes: Honeysuckle, cedar, labdanum, myrrh, creosote bush, white musk, and tobacco
• The floral opening isn't unpleasant, but it's fiercer than I expected for spring in the desert, speaking as someone who lived in the rural southwest for more than half of my life. As it dries down, it mellows into a sunbaked quality that evokes the desert more accurately for me. The ceder pops in and out for me, and the creosote is strongest in the drydown.
• Not sure I’d buy it again, but I’ll enjoy wearing it while I have it!

Tatami: 2.8 / 5

• Notes: Tatami (rice straw mats), warmed in the sun, with soothing temple incense.
• I bought a sample of this. I haven’t tried it on my skin yet, so I can only report on first impressions. It does smell like dry sun-warmed grass with a touch of incense!
• Unless it wears amazing on my skin, I don’t think this is something I need to size up in. But it’s pleasant and I’m glad to have a chance to try it!

Duende: 3 / 5

• Notes: oakmoss, cedar, fir, resinous labdanum, benzoin, tree sap, wild violets, and lilac
• I’ve been curious about this one, so I was happy to get it as a bonus sample with my order! I expected it to be sharp, but the iris balances it really nicely. I haven’t tried it on my skin yet, but I’m feeling hopeful I’ll like it more than I was afraid I would.
• I’m not sure yet if I’d buy it or not!

Bune: 4 / 5

• Notes: Damp subterranean air, nagarmotha, smooth cave walls, davana, a cold marble altar, & glittering green dragon scales
• WTF I love this??! This was another random sample, one I never would’ve chosen for myself, but it was a sleeper hit. It makes me feel not like the fragrance is evaporating off me but like I’m evaporating because I’m a fae creature made of delicious cool mist. I want to layer this with so many things!
• I absolutely want this! I’ve mostly been sticking to Fantome’s oil rollers, but I really want an atomizer for this one.

Thanks for reading along and I hope you enjoyed!

It's been a long time since I've shared my thoughts on my extensive collection of perfumes with book or paper notes, so here are 17 I've tried since my last post! I refer back to a lot of those.
~Poesie~
Headmaster: No. 2 pencil shavings, cherry pipe tobacco crumbs, scattered papers, suede elbow patches, a hint of faded cologne. This was the first strong tobacco note I've been able to pick out and it's definitely cherry, but in a dark, sneezy, cherry liqueur way, not fruity. After that dies down and mixes with the strong cedar and subtle dry paper-y notes, it's surprisingly nice. The cedar and paper remind me of Black Baccara/Amorphous Book Fair but less atmospheric and much more masc. I could totally wear this on a butch academic day. Would rate higher if not for that cherry opening, after that it's almost all paper and pencils, though somewhat faint. 3/5 📝📝📝
Tempus Fugit: Precious sandalwood, spilled blackberry wine, wheels of golden amber, antique lace, a forgotten rose pressed in the pages of an ancient leather-bound book. First whiff is all blackberry wine--but not too boozy--and sandalwood but it smells old and dusty to me. Maybe the lace or book notes? It reminds me of Renaissance festival "old-timey" smells but mixed with the fruitiness it's somewhat jarring and unpleasant. However it changes noticeably as it dries into something much smoother and less dusty, almost darkly resinous. The blackberry and sandalwood calms down and while I can't actually pick out the leather I think it combines with the amber and rose to make a darkly romantic scent, though definitely not floral. I do like how it dries down to a burgundy sandalwood smell but I don't see myself reaching for this except for maybe part of a vampire costume. 2/5 📜📜
Yet to be Written: A warm cup of cinnamon chestnut black tea, stacks of books, white oud, ink stained fingers, a wisp of black amber. SUCH a good autumn scent, though appropriate for year round wear too. It's very dry and warm and dark, like the smell of a pile of crunchy orange leaves. The cinnamon and chestnut lighten the scent into a rich warmth without smelling distinctly spiced or nutty like I was afraid of. This is the perfect bookish autumn tea scent and I think of it as the rust colored autumnal sibling to Myself Invisible's muted lavender spring vibe, as they're both tea with books. 4/5 📙📙📙📙
Bookish: The slightly sweet smell of aged pages and leathery covers. First I notice an incredibly soft, worn, cozy leather–it smells light brown and fuzzy. It's noticeably sweeter than I expected with the powdery, marshmallow-adjacent vanillin from the book pages. Surprisingly that makes this smell almost as gourmand as Library Ghost, though much less complex and with more leather. As it's softer and simpler than NCD Bibliophilia, my go to book solinote, this makes a great layering or sleep scent. 4/5 📚📚📚📚
Bookish Brew: Bookish, a warm sweater, and a vanilla oat milk latte with a dash of cinnamon. Extra creamy vanilla oat milk latte is mostly what I smell. I don't smell much cinnamon unless it mingles with the cozy sweater musk and dry paper from Bookish that is more apparent later in the wear. I still prefer Bookish solo but I much prefer this coffee perfume to Wakeful Ghost and it's perfect layered with Salem Books & Coffee to lighten that up. 4/5 📚☕️📚☕️
~Black Baccara/Amorphous~
Salem Book & Coffee Shop: Aroma palette is gourmand and atmospheric with touches of wood and smoke. Highlights include books, freshly brewed coffee, fireplace smoke, old wooden shutters, and pumpkin petit fours. While wet this is dark musky black coffee with the smell of old wooden shelves stacked with books. It's a bit too black at first (I really liked it layered with my Arcana Milk solinote) but even plain it gradually lightens up over the wear with a slight toasty warm sweetness from the petit fours and dry vanillin making it more cozy and wearable. Pumpkin is barely detectable, perfect. Exactly as promised, spot on, though I may not have bought a full bottle had I the opportunity to sample. 4/5 📔☕️📔☕️
~Solstice Scents~
Parlor Trick: Ivory lace, white wax, aged paper, glossy white smoke, teak, black tea, blonde woods, delicate spice, bone musk, Manor and a faint trace of rose. My first impression is strong camphovinegar? and some rose, wispy candle smoke. Can pick out a little smoke-tea-wood-rose, but it's a very complex, well-blended perfume that I prefer after several hours of wear. I think the wood/wax/smoke pulls a bit sour because it almost smelled like pickles when I first got it but as it's aged I've used almost my entire sample and could see myself picking up another. It's interesting and smells how I imagine Hill House or Bly Manor would, very haunted and atmospheric. 3/5 📜🕯📜
Gibbon's Boarding School: Dusty Wooden Desks, Paper, Carefully Hidden Tobacco Pouch, Dying Fire, Dried Leaves, Leather Chairs, Autumn Breeze. The paper, wood and tobacco reminds me of NCD Bibliophilia but this is a bit lighter and smoother smelling, more golden wood like cedar than dark mahogany. There's also a fresh air note with a nice lightly sweet crispness to it like apple skins, without being distinctly fruity. Doesn't exactly smell outdoorsy but like a window is cracked to let in the fall breeze. It's a lighter, more autumnal book/academic perfume and very unisex. 4/5 📖📖📖📖
~BPAL~
The Last Syllable: Photos pinned to cool plaster walls, discarded papers, a web of strings, a mirror, a doll, singed straw, scattered books, and unfurled magnetic tape. Oddly when fresh, and at a distance, I get the smell of slightly sweet cucumber? Maybe the plaster or magnetic tape? But up close it's all slightly singed paper. A little hay comes out after a bit. It's definitely highly atmospheric and I can feel the film noire private eye vibe. It's a better atmospheric paper perfume than D&F Old Book Paper, though similarly not the most wearable unless layered. 3/5 📓📓📓
Skull With Shell, Books, and a Crumple of Blush-Pink and Night-Blue Silk: Creamy yellowed paper, pink tuberose, star jasmine, and blue cypress with incense, eucalyptus leaf, and iridescent sap. First I can smell the jasmine, but blended with an interesting green herbal freshness. The eucalyptus is not overly present but this is still more floral than I was hoping for. It's like a fresh white flower with a sharp green thorny cut stem. I can't pick out any creamy vanillin from the paper sadly, though it does get a paper-y dryness a couple hours in, but not enough to be worth keeping in my collection. 2/5 📗📗
The Red Ribbon: Red silken musk, sweet patchouli, ho wood, amber velvet, parchment, bourbon vanilla, and goat’s milk accord. This is a red musk that is actually really pleasant. It's creamy and sweet but in a perfume-y way from the red musk and mild, inoffensive patchouli. It smells like a "fancy sexy mature red lady" perfume. None of the notes are easy to pick out but the parchment, vanilla and goats milk do a great job balancing anything iffy and keep me sniffing my wrist. Ultimately an addictive sexy creamy musk. 4/5 📕📕📕📕
Carved Wooden Bookstore: Polished oak bark, tiny books with tea-stained pages and faux-leather binding, a scattering of dust, and the gleaming painted fur of a porcelain calico book shop cat. The oak, leather, and tannic black tea come across too sharp as I feared, I prefer my book perfumes paperback or with added sweetness. I think this would be better as a masculine cologne and it can't top Bibliophilia. Unfortunately I can't pick out the porcelain either, though there is a dusty air to it like an old bookstore full of antiques. 2/5 📔📔
Carved Wooden Post Office: We certainly wouldn’t mind waiting in line surrounded by this ink-smudged, papery shuffle of letters, parcels, and holiday cards stuffed into a mahogany mailbox cabinet covered in shiny brass doors with a faint whiff of fruitcake. This is a very good wood-y paper solinote! Way more wearable than D&F Old Book Paper, I can't detect any fruit or brass but definitely get the ink, mahogany, cardboard and paper–heaviest on the last two. The Last Syllable smells more fresh and unusual, with a glossy paper smell like printed polaroids, while this is a more approachable dry, warm cardboard and paper scent. 5/5 ✉️📦✉️📦✉️
Carved Wooden Alchemical Lab: The Lab isn’t open to the public, but you can smell it from the street: hundreds of tiny wooden bottles of Snake Oil, marked with wee paper labels and packed off in tiny cardboard boxes. Unfortunately not the paper-y snake oil vanilla I was hoping for. I get lots of extra musky patchouli hippie snake oil at first but then I can pick out the paper and wood giving it a musty edge. I think it's a bad combo for me because it goes almost anise-adjacent, very dry like sandalwood/cedar and patchouli. 1/5 🗞
~Nui Cobalt~
Stories & Spidersilk: A scholarly variation on our beloved Starlight and Spidersilk. Slender strands of cotton flower hung with trembling dewdrops, cold crystalline musk, tiny black vanilla beans, aging leather-bound books, pipe tobacco, and towering wooden shelves. This is Bibliophilia but with the addition of Starlight's cold vanilla. It opens with that clean linen vibe blended in a way to make this smell even more paper heavy instead of that new shoe smell. Luckily the cottonflower note that went way too sharply clean and discordant on me in the original Starlight blends in and makes this a surprisingly wearable version. I picture an old dusty book strung with frozen spun sugar webs. I can't say someone would need both but they're honestly both fabulous. I may even prefer this since it's like a slightly femme version of Bibliophilia, I have a FS of that but I'm on my second sample of this one. It's also a functional dupe for the highly sought after Flickering Lights Fluttering Curtains by BPAL! 5/5 📖📖📖📖📖
~Cocoapink~
Paper Butterfly: Osmanthus, paper, golden fields of wheat, powdered sugar, cream, dry white amber grounded with the beautiful memory of soft pale musk. I have this in the linen spray and it's a nice light paper-y scent, very neutral and inoffensive. Slightly floral, slightly sweet, sightly clean. I can pick out the osmanthus since I own BPAL Like the Very Gods but this is a lot dryer and it somewhat reminds me of the paper smell from S92 Book of the Beast. This is softer and sweeter without the unisex inkiness of that but I think my EDP of Deconstructing Eden's Burn Book already fills this niche in my collection, especially since the white amber and white musk pull a bit too clean on me at times. 3/5 📃📃📃
~Osmofolia~
Olfactorium: The scented ephemera of a perfume studio, and the clutter of a perfumer at work: pink pepper, coffee, paper, iso e super, milk, coumarin, sandalwood, marshmallow. I immediately get strong pepper but with a pleasant sweetness underneath. The sneezy pepper could be too much but after it fades comes the coziest warm coffee musk that reminds me of my favorite S92 coffee perfumes with the sandalwood and marshmallow and book smell. An edp of this could scratch the Airborne Ranger itch when I eventually run out! Definitely my new favorite (non-problematic) coffee and book smell. 5/5 🗒☕️🗒☕️🗒

Thinking about making a BBME (BBM Enterprise) group chat! So if you have a subscription drop your pin! We can show off our BlackBerrys and answer any questions you might have or just chat! My pin is: EF22B90D

Currently, no other device has the same level of eye-catching awesomeness that the AI pin has. I call it the Woah Factor. That same factor was the one which crushed Blackberry and Palm after the iPhone was released, and prompted for the hasty release of Android in order to clone it. And, for those who remember it, what was it like the first time you saw someone playing on a Gameboy? Exactly.
The AI pin effectively is its own advertising, and every user wearing it becomes a spokesperson for it. Expect it also to work as an “Ask me about…” pin, and thus to become a word-of-mouth landslide. So, Humane has no need to spend megabucks on advertising, these pins will sell themselves!
And you just wait until after some big celebrity wears the AI pin to some events. Someone like Shailene Wooley, who is a digital minimalist who refuses to use smartphones. Or maybe Keanu Reeves, who has been spotted using a dumbphone daily. And so on and so forth, until this thing becomes the hottest fashion accessory on the market. And, coincidentally, brooches are very much back in style this year, so…
Sure, some people love to hate the AI pin. Excellent, that is free advertising, as well. It will become a whole talking point on many casual conversations. And no, this product is not supposed to be for everyone. The AI pin is meant for the intelligent, the mindful, the bold and the beautiful.
You don’t like the AI pin? Probably because you don’t belong to the aforementioned group of people. It’s not in your personality, and that’s okay. Also, don’t expect me to pay any attention to your opinions about it. You can yell to the cloud whatever you want. I’m turning off the reply notifications on this post and never looking at it again.
This is my prerogative and my power as a user: I can (and I will) filter out whatever doesn’t nurture me and my personal development. This is what I expect AI pin and CosmOS to help me accomplish even better, in my daily life. I choose to have peace of mind, and some tea with biscotti. Care to join me?

Background in January and February Money Diaries.
Section One: Assets and Debt
Retirement Balance = $20,922.35
Articles about Gold IRAs keep showing up in my feed. Not sure why and not sure if that’s the best option.
HSA Balance = $2865
Resisting the urge to use this account to buy new glasses.
HYSA Balance = $2100.00
Established two buckets for this fund. $1200k for an emergency and $900 true expenses.
Checking Account Balance = $635.70
Will shift some of this to savings or debt at the end of the month if nothing else comes up.
Credit Card Debt = $16,212.64
Still need to switch the small recurring charges to my checking account.
Personal Loan Debt = $19,630.65
Figured out when the interest is added and think I can start factoring that into my payments.
Student Loan Debt = $275,333.98
Still waiting on Mohela to get it together.
Section Two: Income
Income Progression: I have been working in my field for one year, my starting salary was $95,000.
Well so far I am not feeling the lateral move and don’t want to return to my usual role. I hoped the lateral move would be a better fit, but I don’t feel very welcome or like I fit in. The director is great, but they’re not around for the day to day stuff.
Main Job Monthly Take Home = $4892.38
Taxes/Social Security/Medicare = $1624.88
401k = $517.51
Vision Insurance = $8.18
Dental Insurance = $30.34
HSA = $100
Supplemental Aflac Coverages = $186.54
Section Three: Expenses
Rent = $1200
Renters insurance = $103.67, paid biannually
Savings contribution = $300
Debt payments
Credit Card = $157.38
Not paying above the minimum.
Personal Loan = $399.87
Not paying above the minimum.
Student Loan = $0
I attended a free financial management workshop at work and during the student loan discussion they advised everyone who was still waiting on Mohela to process their application to switch repayment plans to file a complaint with the CFPB. After looking into it I realized I had nothing to lose so I did. No changes yet, but hopefully soon.
Donations/volunteer hours = $0 and four volunteer hours.
I peer reviewed a few journal articles this month.
Healthcare = $0
Electric = $50.90
Gas Heat = $75.36
Water = $25
Internet = $109.08
Cellphone = $28.92
Hulu = $2.99
Philo with Starz = $30
Amazon Prime = $139, paid annually
Chocolate of the Month = $75
Flower of the Month = $75
Wine of the Month = $130
Car insurance = $341.61, paid biannually
Gas = $40
Car maintenance = $234.05
Food = $685.70
Way more dining out this month due to laziness and frustration.
Household supplies = $50.32
HaiNails/Spa services = $291.10
Clothing/Shoes = $171.11
Got five new work shirts on sale and a new pair of work shoes.
Professional development expenses = $112.40
Entertainment = $12.50
Money Diary
Sunday
5:30am - Awake and feeling cranky thanks to period pains and the uncertainty of what I’m doing with my life. Maybe it was stupid to think dedicating my 30s to grad school and establishing an actual career would help me know. Grab sparkling water and a chocolate bar, then proceed to get lost in a Katie Heigel movie I’ve never heard of.
7:45am - Not her best work. Open up the blinds and curl up to watch Five Blind Dates. I’ve been very intrigued by Australian rom-coms lately. The diversity and the hunky Desmond Chiam definitely capture my attention.
8:30am - Sucked into this movie and feeling the ache of the travel bug while noshing hashbrowns and chicken bacon.
9:45am - Dreaming of spending the next year traveling overseas while loading and starting the dishwasher, loading the washing machine, and prepping tomorrow’s lunch. Remembering how much I hated hosteling as a teen and decide that isn’t a viable option despite being the only one I can currently afford. So much vacation time, so little money.....hmmmm.
10:15am - Noshing on chips and cheese while tuning into Bottoms which gal pals swear is hilarious.
Noon - Ok that was funnier and darker than I expected. Time for hair washing.
1pm - Apply deep conditioning mask and start the washing machine.
1:15pm - Check messages and emails with a random crime drama in the background.
1:30pm - A tiring chat with my mother about her latest financial mishaps. Loading the dryer, gathering the trash, and refilling my sparkling water are temporary distractions from how irritated I am hearing her latest excuses and expectation that I bail her out again.
3pm - Rinse hair and ponder how many relatives are going to lecture me about my horrible choice to not give her any money. She’s not going to end up homeless nor will she starve or freeze. They forget she’s still married and my dad has been way more receptive to working with me to put systems in place to manage their finances better.
3:30pm - Detangle and wrap hair in a tshirt towel. Put on robe and period panties. Pause to admire the art I put on top of the contact paper to cover those awful mirror doors. Ponder other places to add some art. Start another load of laundry. Reach out to a pal.
3:45pm - Tune in to the Power Universe while noshing yogurt.
6pm - Ok that’s enough gritty tv. Chat with a pal for a bit then switch to the comedy Upgraded while noshing on chicken mac and cheese and chicken potstickers. Have I always eaten like a five-year-old? Really not getting why everyone is complaining about the ads on Prime. They’re barely 30 seconds at the start of the movie.
8pm - Kind of reminded me of a tamer The Devil Wears Prada. Cartoons in the background, close the blinds, set out tomorrow’s outfit. Heat protectant and blow dry hair. Pin up hair and apply face mask.
8:45am - Sip sparkling water while web browsing.
9:15pm - Peel off face mask.
9:30pm - Tune in to 80 for Brady while noshing a chocolate bar and sparkling water.
11pm - That was delightful. I love seeing more movies and shows featuring older adults living their best lives. Not tired, darn time change. Switch to a random sitcom and ponder another serving of carbs to induce sleep.
11:30pm - No carbs, curl up in armchair with weighted blanket, and lights out.
Total = $0
Monday
4:30am - Awake before the alarm, neither feeling rested nor tired. Lay quietly meditating until the alarm.
5:10am - Annoyed at the sound of that alarm and more period pains. Put on the tea kettle, turn on the computer, and confirm work outfit is fully dry.
5:30am - Study time and sipping tea.
6:45am - Prep for work.
7:15am - Find the cold tiresome. Commute and wonder what would happen if I just kept driving.
7:30am - Yogurt with nuts, reading emails, and enjoying the quiet of the office. Wonder what to make of an email informing me that my professional development budget will not be renewed due to non-use. What professional development budget? Skim my benefits and compensation records and see no mention of this. Respond stating I wasn’t aware I had such a benefit and ask how I might proceed.
7:45am - Meditate.
8am - Work day begins and the feeling of dread has lessoned. Return to emails and prepping.
8:45am - Review the response explaining that my department allocated $5k for me to use toward professional development last year, it was a use or lose benefit, and after a review determined I hadn’t used any of those funds it would be repurposed and not available this year. Call the HR rep to ask about this and was told that a number of people weren’t using those funds so the higher ups were repurposing them. Asked if I could submit receipts for any professional development expenses in 2023 and told that those funds require advanced approval for use. Something seems very suspicious about this but somehow I’m not surprised I wasn’t told about these funds.
9:30am - Patients.
11am - Boring meeting.
12:30pm - I really dislike having to take my lunch late because other people can’t get it together. The lateral move psychologists have stopped trying to guilt me into joining them. Nosh on steamed veggies and an apple while reviewing the additional information the HR rep sent about the professional development funds. Apparently they were part of a series of retention incentives that were created in response to employee feedback during covid. I was hired after that, eligible for them, and it was expected that my supervisor would encourage me and everyone else to use these funds. The same passive aggressive supervisor that clearly wasn’t interested in my growth and led to my observing in the lateral move department? Only half my department used those funds in varying amounts and the higher ups weren’t interested in anyone’s lack of awareness of them. Hmmm.....
1pm - Meet with lateral move supervisor who complains that I didn’t contribute to the discussion in the 11am meeting. Explain that I wasn’t familiar with that patient or the proposed treatment options and it seemed most appropriate to listen and learn. Lectured about how I’m expected to be involved not sit around listening and how continuing to not demonstrate why I belong in the room isn’t going to help me. Now I get the table flipping those housewives do on that show I don’t watch. Nodded, smiled, and made a mental note to check in with the director about this.
1:30pm - Patients.
3:30pm - Snacking on some cheese and starting to feel pretty pissed about those funds and realize that is just another reason not to return to my assigned department. Feeling more pissed that lateral move supervisor finds listening in a meeting to be inappropriate and pretty much said she doesn’t see the point of having me in the department.
4pm - A last minute meeting about some required trainings that have to be done this week and how we are to shift patient care. Annoyed over the unnecessary poor planning.
4:30pm - Couldn’t get out of work fast enough. Stop at big box grocer to pick up a few items and resist the urge to buy stuff I don’t need ($24.10).
5:30pm - Home, cranky, put stuff away, and take out the trash. Journal to explore my thoughts about the funds and the lateral move supervisor.
6pm - Starving. Heat up chicken potstickers and attempt to distract myself with the Power Universe.
7pm - Feeling less pissed I call a gal pal and start making seafood chowder. She agrees that my passive aggressive supervisor declined to tell me about the professional development funds on purpose. She makes a good case for proceeding with option three put feelers out regarding other opportunities because option one (return to my department) and option two (stick with the lateral move) both seem to suck. At this point I think I’d be happier working in a flower shop. Hmmmm.....
9pm - Respond to messages and order sweetener and a new pair of work shoes ($158.36).
9:30pm - Noshing mushroom ravioli and tune in to Quiz Lady which is supposed to be hilarious.
10pm - Noshing a chocolate bar and unsure if this movie is weird in a good way or just weird.
Total = $182.46
Tuesday
3am - What the hell happened? Tv and lights off, snuggled under weighted blanket in the armchair, and a little groggy. Not entirely sure when I fell asleep but notice my period pains are gone. Lay quietly with my thoughts.
3:45am - Sleep clearly won’t return so I journal. Sort out that I’m passed annoyance and pissed and mostly just disappointed and restless. I don’t like the immediately available job options and don’t want to be bothered to find other ones. Resume thoughts of chucking it all and traveling for a year. Remember my lack of funds and disinterest in the discomfort of budget traveling. Working in a flower shop still seems appealing. Maybe I really could do that. Is this a midlife crisis?
5:10am - Turn off the alarm, stretch, turn on the computer, and put on the tea kettle.
5:30am - Study time and sip tea.
6:45am - Handle some quick personal admin tasks.
7am - Prep for work.
7:15am - Still tired of the cold. Commute still wondering if anyone would care if I just kept driving.
7:30am - Yogurt with nuts and emails. Glad the lateral move director responded to my meeting request.
8am - Work day begins with paperwork.
10am - Another meeting that accomplishes nothing. The lateral move supervisor stares at me, clearly expecting me to chime, but again these are patients I have not been brought up to speed on and I have nothing meaningful to add. No one’s asking for my input either.
11am - Patients.
Noon - Lunch courtesy of HR. Fancy sandwiches, sides, and drinks from an overpriced restaurant. Something is up. Enjoying my pesto turkey sandwich on fresh baked sourdough when HR starts talking. Fewer vacancies, no layoffs, no end-of-year bonuses, fewer discounts available in the employee perks program, and no raises due to budget cuts. The understandable frustration in the room is exhausting.
1:30pm - Patients.
4pm - Another meeting, mostly focused on complaints about the news from HR. A few people have decided to quit, others are going to job hunt, and some are just going to ride things out. I’m just going to proceed with my observation experience for now.
4:30pm - Escape! Pass a flower shop on my way home and notice they’re hiring. Decide against stopping in.
5pm - Home, put stuff away and check messages. Check movie showtimes, there’s nothing good out. Decide I don’t want to go back out and pick up my work shirts that arrived at the department store either. Take off my pants, nosh on a cookie, and tune in to Life & Beth.
6:15pm - That show got weird. Ponder dinner and respond to messages. Decide to give Quiz Lady another shot.
7pm - This movie is weird. Noshing wild rice and crackers.
8:15pm - Switch to a random drama while web browsing and checking emails.
10pm - Curled up in the armchair with weighted blanket and lights out.
Total = $0
Wednesday
4:30am - Awake before the alarm, lay quietly with my thoughts. Traveling....the flower shop.....the possibilities.....
5:10am - Turn off alarm, get up, turn on the computer, and put on tea kettle.
5:30am - Study and sip tea.
6:45am - *sigh* just can’t get my hair to sit right, super annoyed.
7:30am - Damn wintery weather. Commute and annoyed I’ll be later that I prefer.
7:45am - Yogurt with nuts and emails.
8am - Work day begins with paperwork and patient prep.
9am - Boring meeting. The diversity initiatives are not going well, but the director had some interesting guidance.
10am - Patients.
Noon - Seafood chowder and an apple while watching The Financial Diet videos.
1:30pm - Meeting with lateral move director. She agrees that my listening in meetings when I’m uninformed of the topic or patient is appropriate. She is not surprised at the awful remarks and is concerned about the complaints the lateral move supervisor is making to her and the psychologists not seeming to warm up to me. She thinks the complaints are baseless which is why I’m not being disciplined, but she had hoped that I would integrate into the department better because I have a lot to offer. She shares that the lateral move psychologists haven’t meshed with anyone that has observed or been hired in the vacancy. Is it weird that I have no idea what it is I have to offer? And why did she think I’d mesh with them? She reminds me of the offsite training on Friday at our sister hospital and says she has arranged a meeting for me with the director to expand my network.
2:45pm - Another meeting. More complaints about yesterdays HR news, complaints from the lateral move supervisor about the lack of progress on several department goals, and complaints about patient care difficulties.
3:30pm - Paperwork and pondering if a department full of complainers is what I want. The complaining is way more constant than I expected.
4pm - Another meeting, this time to discuss ideas for a department charity project. We’re supposed to do charity projects?! Majority votes to help establish a new community garden. Sit in filth on the weekend? Gross. I’ll be sure to have plans.
4:45pm - Escape! Swing by department store to pick up my new work shirts and resist the urge to browse the sale racks. Go to big box grocer to pick up all the stuff I forgot Monday ($33.12). Starving and pick up Mexican food ($15.31).
5:30pm - Home. Take out the trash, sort mail, and prep for tomorrow. Steam new work shirts and check messages.
6:30pm - Noshing burrito and quesadilla while watching The Good Doctor. The burrito is way too salty, won’t order that again.
6:45pm - Pause show to take dad’s call. He has a zillion money and end-of-life planning questions. Not sure what’s gotten in to him, but I’ve learned it’s best to get information when he’s ready to talk. As I suspected their finances are in decent shape and mom just wants more spending money for nonsense. It took some effort, but I was able to show him the bills were all paid, they have a small emergency fund, and they each have some funds for whatever they wish each month. He shares a variety of family updates and suggests I reach out to a cousin I haven’t talked to in a few decades. That requires more energy than I currently have.
8:15pm - Back to The Good Doctor and the rest of my dinner. Super sad the planned spinoff, The Good Lawyer got axed before it began.
9pm - Check emails and messages with reality tv in the background.
Midnight - Curl up with weighted blanket in armchair, lights out.
Total = $48.43
Thursday
4:45am - Awake, stomach ache, and just feeling blah. I really have to stop eating like a five-year-old lol.
5:10am - Turn off alarm, get up, turn on the computer, and put on tea kettle.
5:30am - Study and sip tea.
6:45am - Prep for work.
7:15am - Freezing out. Hit the road, no good tunes on the radio. *sigh*
7:30am - Yogurt with nuts and emails. Several requests from lateral move supervisor to redo tasks there’s literally nothing wrong with. *sigh*
8am - Work day begins. Redo tasks as requested because it’s not worth complaining.
10am - Patients.
Noon - Seafood chowder and an apple while watching The Financial Diet videos.
1pm - Meeting with lateral move supervisor. She expresses an interest in my career aspirations that feels both forced and suspicious. I reiterate my appreciation for the observation opportunity and that I haven’t made any firm decisions as of yet.
2pm - Paperwork and emails.
3pm - Patients.
4:30pm - Escape! Starving and stop for a burger ($11.22). I think the time change threw off my appetite.
5pm - Home. Settle on a random sitcom while noshing burger, fries, and onion rings.
7pm - Class.
8pm - Class over. Notice it’s too cold out for a walk. Chocolate bar and web browsing with random tv in the background.
9pm - Switch to Life & Beth with thoughts of traveling, the flower shop, and the mess that is my career swirling.
11pm - Curl up with weighted blanket in armchair, lights out.
Total = $11.22
Friday
5:10am - Wake up to the alarm, deep breathing and light stretching, and get up. Turn on the computer and put on tea kettle. I’m not tired, just flat out don’t feel like going anywhere.
5:30am - Study and sip tea.
7am - Prep for work.
7:15am - Over the cold weather. Commute.
7:30am - Yogurt with nuts while reviewing emails. One from HR doubling down on the decision that the professional development funds were use or lose and won’t be renewed despite all the complaints. I’m not surprised.
8am - Work day begins with a short meeting to make sure there are no patient emergencies.
8:30am - Head to sister hospital with lateral move psychologists for a training. Listen to a podcast while they complain about their families. Can they do anything other than complain?
9:30am - Facility tour and training.
Noon - Soup and salad lunch with some of the sister hospital psychologists. It’s refreshing to chat about current research and they’re doing some really interesting projects. I miss research and it’s fun to share my thoughts on some of the challenges they’ve run into.
1pm - Training continues.
3pm - Meeting with sister hospital director. We have a delightful chat about current research, patients, and professional development interests.
4:30pm - Debrief with lateral move team and commute back with the director. She asks about the meeting and is happy to hear that it went well. She clarifies it was actually an interview and she had previously sent him my CV because she knew he had an opening and felt I’d be a great fit. Her hunch was right and the director let her know he’d be extending an invitation for me to spend a day onsite to meet the full team, see more of the work they do, and to gauge my interest in the position. She went on to say they’d been colleagues a long time, often referred promising candidates in this manner, and I should be flattered. Flattered is not the word I’d use. That was an interview?! Did I say anything stupid?! Did I look ok?! Who does this to people?! Honestly not sure how I should feel beyond confused and annoyed about all of this.
5:30pm - Trip to big box store and pharmacy, then pick up burger and fries for dinner ($79.46).
6pm - Home. Grey’s Anatomy while noshing burger and fries.
7pm - Debrief with a pal about the unexpected interview. He talks me off a ledge, confirms I didn’t say anything stupid, and says this happens in our field all the time just not often for people of color. He thinks the lateral move director’s intentions are good and not aimed at getting rid of me. It sure feels like she’s trying to get rid of me after she invited me to observe in her department. We look up the sister hospital position and weigh the pro’s and con’s. Admittedly it doesn’t look terrible. He thinks I should go for it. I’m annoyed over being blindsided, the two hour round trip commute, and the lack of salary information. No posted salary information is exactly how people of color get lowballed.
7:45pm - Chat with a gal pal about her current health scare and my interview. She also thinks I should go for it, but reminds me its ok to not decide right away if an offer comes. Fair enough.
8:30pm - Web browsing with a random rom com in the background.
10pm - Exhausted, curl up with weighted blanket in armchair, lights out.
Total = $79.46
Saturday
Midnight - Awake and inspired to do a deeper dive into the sister hospital. Random tv in the background.
2:30am - Sucked into the deep dive and hungry, chocolate bar it is. Geez I haven’t been this inspired since grad school. That’s telling.
5:30am - Still riding my inspiration high and realize sleep wouldn’t come if I tried. Realize I have nothing to lose by spending a day at the sister hospital. Tune in to Life & Beth.
7:30am - This show makes me feel like I’m working in some ways, but Amy Schumer is funny. Put on the tea kettle and open the blinds.
7:45am - Back to Life & Beth while sipping tea. Still pondering the interview.
10:30am - Decide against a walk due to the cold weather. Isn’t it supposed to be spring? Switch to a documentary, noshing on hashbrowns, chicken bacon, and blackberries.
3pm - All that learning hurt my brain and now I’m starving. Still wintery outside, so no walk any time soon. Switch to a crime drama, noshing crackers and cheese.
4:45pm - *sigh* so over wintery weather, too bad I’m not a gym person. Switch to a random comedy, noshing ice cream.
7:30pm - Chat with mom and she has realized I was right to refuse to give her any money.
8:15pm - Web browsing and a random comedy.
11pm - Not sure when I fell asleep. Maybe it’s the armchair, it is comfy. Get sucked into a comedy, noshing a chocolate bar.
12:30am - Curl up with weighted blanket in armchair, lights out.
Total =$0
Tally:
Food + Drink = $187.87
Fun / Entertainment = $0
Home + Health = $0
Clothes + Beauty = $133.70
Transport = $0
Other = $0
Reflection
Ok it’s official. I don’t like the lateral move opportunity. I also don’t like my current job. It’s starting to seem like I won’t like any job. I do dine out more when I’m annoyed over something which is why I did more of it this week despite having plenty of food in the house. Cooking just doesn’t bring me joy when I’m annoyed. At least I’m only dining out for one meal when I do. Otherwise spending wasn’t too bad this week. My routine bills seem to have stabilized which means I should be able to shift more funds toward savings and debt. Setting firm boundaries with my mom helped even if it doesn’t feel great when I have to. I go back and forth debating if I should just give her an allowance, but that seems ridiculous and I suspect she’d burn through that and just ask for more. It’s also ridiculous to keep having the same argument all the time.

FYI, this is a story COLLECTION. Lots of standalones technically. So, you can basically start to read at any chapter, no pre-read of the other chapters needed technically (other than maybe getting better descriptions of characters than: Adam Vir=human, Krill=antlike alien, Sunny=tall alien, Conn=telepathic alien). The numbers are (mostly) only for organization of posts and continuity.
OC Written by Charlie Stastarrfallknightrise,
Typed up and then posted here by me.
Proofreading and language check for some chapters by u/Finbar9800 u/BakeGullible9975 and u/Didnotseemecomein
Future Lore and fact check done by me.
Definitely no brain controlling evil worm here! No, its just the kind and friendly Jeffrey!
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Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
First officer of the Omen Lieutenant Simon waited at the entrance to the cargo bay, watching the flaring red light blink continually before the airlock doors. A tone came with it, loud and blaring repeatedly crawling its way into her head and making the space behind her eyes throb. She rubbed her head desperate for the sound to stop, knowing she just needed to wait it out. Her family had always wondered why she chose a job that was so stressful, and so full of annoying and bothersome noises, but she wanted this and was willing to go through all manner of annoyances to make that dream come true.
If annoying noises were the worst thing about her job, then she should feel lucky.
The airlock door hissed open and the group of GA scientists and their accompanying human escort hurried into the cargo bay. After a longer time that was usual for him the Admiral followed, slowly and with some distance to the others, before the door shut behind him.
She saluted to the Admiral, who hurried onto the deck,
"Sir, everything went well I trust?”
Her question was suddenly cut off when she noticed... Something off.
Simon had never been all that great at reading people, she had trouble distinguishing tonal variation in people's voices, and sometimes body language flew itself right over her head like a UFO, but this was obvious enough even SHE was able to pick it out.
"Did you gain weight?"
She immediately chided herself for being so blunt. She had learned pretty early on that people didn't like that sort of bluntness, but she had already stepped face first into it.
Admiral Vir straightened himself out and quite obviously pulled his coat over his stomach, which was bulging quite obviously,
"Bloating is a bitch, I tell you those space berries are really something."
"You are EATING random space plants!?”
He shuffled his feet,
"Well not eating them per se, anyway gas, you know that sort of thing. Should probably head back to my quarters before I bother anyone with my issues."
He went to walk past her and as he did, she thought he saw his coat twitch right above his stomach.
"What the Fuck was that?”
"Spasms and farts, nothing to worry about."
"Nothing to worry about!? Admiral I should call Dr. Krill down right away."
"NO NO! No need for that, I can walk just fine. Look, I will swing by the infirmary in a minute and get myself checked out, feeling totally fine. Nothing to see here. Go on and get away."
Simon went to open her mouth, but he hurried past her and away,
"Lord look at the time, so busy, have so many things to do, paperwork, and meetings and… and gotta call my mom before she freaks out and assumes I have died. Yep. Definitely, I need to go byee!"
Apparently, she wasn't the only one who thought he was acting weird, and she watched him go as the rest of the crew did the same, their heads cocked to the side, their mouths pulled down into a frown. No one was really sure what was going on, and no one was really sure what they were supposed to do about it.
Simon turned her head to look over at the scientists who looked just as confused, although their leader looked somewhat annoyed about something.
He looked up at her with an expression even SHE could tell was one of annoyance.
"Next time, we will not be allowing him on our expedition."
She frowned,
"Why is that?"
"Touching everything with his bare hands, marching through the bushes, disturbing the wildlife, touching strange creatures, honestly he has no sense of scientific decorum, and if that planet had been even the slightest bit more dangerous, we might all be dead."
"I will, have a talk with him."
"Do what you must."
The little creature said,
"I need to go lay down."
He and his scientists walked off, some to the labs and others to do as their boss was doing. Simon was left standing rather confused and staring after them as they went.
She shook her head.
Sometimes she wondered how the Admiral had ever even become an Admiral, but she guessed clearly someone had thought he was qualified.
[…]
Adam Vir hurried down the hall desperately trying to keep unnoticed until finally shouldering open the door to his room and allowing it to hiss shut behind him. Then finally he leaned his back against the door and sat there as something writhed and churned against his skin. He felt it slither up the front of his chest before Jeffery snaked his way from the top of his jacket and out into open air. He opened his three segmented mouth, likely tasting the air kind of like a snake as he did, before turning his head to look around at the dark room.
Adam patted Jeffrey on the head,
"See, home sweet home."
The snake-like alien slithered most of the way out of his jacket and went to curl around his upper arm and torso resting his head on top of Adam's as he showed the creature around the room.
"This is where I sleep, and that over there is my dog Waffles. Waffles say hi!"
In the time they had stepped into the room, and Jeffrey had shown himself, the German Shepherd and poked her nose out from around the side of the bed, eying Jeffery with some measure of concern.
Jeffery opened his mouth in her direction and Waffles scooted back just slightly looking to Adam with an expression of confusion and concern. She clearly wasn't sure that she liked this at all.
Jeffery stretched close to her, his mouth still open, holding himself up with great powerful muscles, likely more powerful than your average snake, which was saying something, considering earth had plenty of constrictor species that could crush a man to death if they so chose.
Adam held out an encouraging hand,
"It's ok girl, its ok, he isn't going to hurt you."
Granted, he hadn't actually thought this through, and if it didn't go well, it was going to make his life a lot more difficult than he had originally intended.
He knelt down on the floor and held out a hand to Waffles, who, like the good girl she was, gave him her trust and moved forward, her nose twitching in the direction of the strange alien.
Waffles had spent a good portion of her life around aliens, so she was used to coming into contact with new and strange creatures. Where other dogs might have barked, growled, or even attacked, she approached with cautious footsteps her head cocked curiously to the side.
Jeffrey, for his part, didn't seem worried at all, and stretched forward to get a better look at the strange creature he could now sense before him. He closed his mouth after a bit and looked her over with his large green and yellow eye. She stretched her neck forward sniffing at him curiously. Tentatively she took one step forward and then another until she was sniffing the head of the space snake directly.
Her tail came up from where it had been hidden in between her legs and slowly began to wag back and forth.
She took another step forward and tentatively licked at the snake.
Jeffery reared back slightly surprised causing the dog to shrink back a little. For a moment he worried it was going to devolve into a fight, but then Jeffery lowered himself back down and allowed Waffles to lick him some more. He slithered from around Adam's soldiers an onto the floor in a tight coil.
Waffles dropped her front half and stuck her butt in the air tail wagging playfully batting at the snake with one of her paws.
Jeffrey reared up a little and playfully lunged at her.
Adam grinned. It was a lot like watching a cat and a dog fight and he sat back on the edge of his bed to watch the two of them play.
Waffles lay down with Jeffrey in between her paws, mouth open tilting her head back and forth as if threatening to bite him, though he knew she never would. She played with him like that all the time and had never hurt him in the past.
It was probably at that precise moment that Adam realized... He wasn't entirely sure what he was going to do.
It's not like there were regulations against stealing animals from unknown planets, though there probably should have been. He knew that what he had done was probably illegal in some way or another, though he hadn't read the manual in long enough to figure that out. He knew for sure that Simon and Krill were going to be pissed, and probably Sunny. They would likely turn the ship around and make him take Jeffery back home, but the thought of dumping him off in the forest and then just leaving left a huge pit in Adam's stomach.
He had already proven once that he wasn't going to be able to leave Jeffrey behind.
After bonding for the day, he had honestly intended to set Jeffrey back into the wild. He had even gone down to the nearest berry tree and set him down offering him some of the berries to eat in his cupped hand before turning away and walking off, but then he heard Jeffrey behind him, and turned around to find the snake following him, looking for all the world like he was sad to see his friend go. Adam had tried to explain himself as much to make himself feel better as to explain the situation to Jeffrey, but he just couldn't do it. Jeffrey had looked so forlorn and sad, like he understood what was going on.
Then he had crawled over and wrapped himself around Adam's leg, looking up at him with a big sad eye.
Adam was a weak man.
He knew it.
Puppy eyes, or in this case, snake eye worked on him just a little too well, and he was unable to leave the creature where it should.
At any time, if Jeffrey had shown a hint of agitation, he would totally have gone back, but he had curled up under Adam's shirt and rested there through the whole flight like it was nothing, and now here he was taking his new environment and friends in stride.
Adam sighed and rested his head in his hands.
Great, he had gone and adopted yet another alien.
He hadn't done it in so long that it was bound to happen again, but he really had not intended for it to happen this time. This time it had been completely by accident.
Just then there was a knock at the door.
He nearly fell off the bed in shock and concern as he hurried over to the door. Waffles and Jeffrey had stopped playing as they curiously looked over towards him. He cracked the door halfway glancing out into the hall with a face of concern.
Adam was both surprised and nervous to see Ramirez standing there.
Behind him Jeffery slithered over, looking ready to poke his head around the door to see who was knocking.
Adam tried to block him with his foot as he peered through the door.
"Sorry bro, really busy right now gotta go."
Ramirez frowned and reached out a hand to block the door,
"Dude, serious? Like… you were acting weird just a few minutes ago and Krill sent me up here to make sure you were okay."
Adam gave a stiff smile as he attempted very hard to keep Jeffrey back from the door,
"Oh yeah, I am totally ok. Very cool, completely and utterly ok, no problems at all. Now go and leave me alone."
Jeffery, who had got annoyed at his attempt to block the door, now began to slither up his leg.
Ramirez frowned,
"Are you sure you are ok?"
"Yeah Fine!"
He tried to Grab Jeffrey, but he slithered through, and around the doorway opening his mouth to smell the newcomer.
Naturally Ramirez freaked out almost immediately,
"What the FU-…"
He reached down for his handgun, but before he could Adam lunged forward, grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled them both back into his room allowing the door to slam behind him.
He pinned Ramirez to the floor as the other man struggled,
"What the HELL!?!"
He claimed a hand over the other Man's mouth,
"Shut Up! Shut UP!"
Ramirez went quiet breathing hard as Adam sat over him, a hand pressed to his mouth. Jeffrey peered out from around his shoulder.
"Don't scream, and I will take my hand away. Got that?"
“Hmmmpf kuuunky.”
“GOT IT!?”
Ramirez nodded, and Adam pulled his hand back.
"What the hell is that!?”
Ramirez hissed,
"This is Jeffrey."
"Jeffrey?"
"Yeah... I may have... “Rescued” him from an alien planet."
"Dude are you kidding me!? For a second I thought you were being mind controlled or possessed by some sort of alien brain sucker."
He looked up at Jeffrey and waved a hand,
"Waddup little man!”
Jeffrey opened his mouth again.
Ramirez pulled back a bit,
"W-what's it doing?”
Adam waved a hand,
"Oh, I think that is just the way he smells people or something."
He rolled off to the side to allow Ramirez to sit up, and reaching out Jeffrey let Ramirez pat him on the head,
"So cool,"
He glanced over at Adam,
"You know Simon and Krill are going to be PISSED?!”
He sighed,
"I know, I know, but you should have seen the way he looked at me when I tried to leave. I couldn't handle it... I am a weak man."
Ramirez shook his head,
"Well now what... Do you even know what it eats?"
Adam paused, opened his mouth and then closed it,
"Well I know he eats berries?"
"And did you bring any of those berries?"
"Well, I uh... May have forgotten in the moment."
Ramirez paused,
"Wait here for a second."
Adam watched him as he got up and left the room.
[…]
The rest of the crew would be very confused to watch Ramirez walk into the mess hall, into the walk-in refrigerator, where he had a quick talk with Yebb, which lead him to appropriate a tub of strawberries, some raspberries, blueberries and blackberries before walking back out of the room without saying anything to anyone. He would get some very strange looks as he walked up the stairs towards the captain's quarters and then vanish walking back into the room.
Whatever he and the captain were doing was their thing.
And they all knew Ramirez…
But they also knew the captain, that’s why they were wondering what he was up to. If he would have headed to the women’s quarters no one would have been surprised, but that fact that he went towards the captains’ quarters with all that stuff was… unusual to say the least.
Well… live and let live.
Meanwhile, in the captains’ quarters Ramirez was setting the berries down on the floor.
The two of them sat cross legged across from each other and attempted to figure out what exactly it was that Jeffrey liked.
Adam still had no idea how he was going to hide this.
Jeffrey was too curious for his own good, and someone was bound to find out eventually.
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Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
Intro post by me
OC-whole collection
Patreon of the author
Thanks for reading! As you saw in the title, this is a cross posted story written by starrfallknightrise and I'll just upload some of it here for you guys, if you are interested and want to read ahead, the original story-collection can be found on tumblr or wattpad to read for free. (link above this text under "OC:..." ) It is the Empyrean Iris story collection by starfallknightrise. Also, if you want to know more about the story collection i made an intro post about it, so feel free to check that out to see what other great characters to look forward to! (Link also above this text). I have no affiliations to the author; just thought I’d share some of the great stories you might enjoy a lot!
Obviously, I have Charlie’s permission to post this and for the people already knowing the stories, or starting to read them: If you follow the link and check out the story you will see some differences. I made some small (non-artistic) changes, mainly correcting writing mistakes, pronoun correction and some small additional info here and there of things which were not thought of/forgotten or even were added/changed in later stories (like the “USS->UNSC” prefix of Stabby, Chalar=/->Sunny etc). As well as some "biggemajor" changes in descriptions and info’s for the same stringency/continuity reason. That can be explained by the story collection being, well a story collection at the start with many standalone-stories just starring the same people, but later on it gets more to a stringent storyline with backstories and throwbacks. (For example Adam Vir has some HEAVY scars over his body, following his bones, which were not really talked about up till half the collection, where it says it covers his whole body and you find out via backflash that he had them the whole time and how he got them, they just weren't mentioned before. However, I would think a doctor would at least see these scars before that, especially since he gets analyzed, treated and goes shirtless/in T-shirts in some stories). So TLDR: Writing and some descriptions are slightly changed, with full OK from the author, since he himself did not bother to correct these things before.

[First Contact] [Dark Ages] [First] [Prev] [Next] [wiki]
When you are short on everything but the enemy, you are in combat - Arch Demon Murphy's Laws & Commandments
Any military leader, industrialist, or politician who tells you that the war will be short and victorious should be taken out into the nearest alley and shot in the back of the head. - Terran saying, Age of Paranoia
More than once the entire universe focused down to my trigger finger and my sight picture. Everything else vanished. No fear. No worry. No past. No present. No future. Only that crystallized moment in time. There was only my weapon and the Enemy and the Enemy only existed to be destroyed. - Musing Upon My Time, Vuxten, Age of Agony, 53 Post Terran Extinction Event
Commodore N'Skrek stared at the holotank silent. His foot was in a regen cast and it made his whole leg itch and tickle. Next him stood Captain Rawgnawrk stood next to him, staring at the holotank.
Inside hung a wireframe of the the light battlecruiser Knock It All Out. It was largely dark, only critical systems outlined in amber. The only green was the environmental systems, the door controls, and the waste reclamation system.
"Chief Engineer Mo'obri'yan says the computers and primary systems will be up and interlinked within the next four hours," the Captain said softly. She touched the hologram. "Once that happens, we should be able to at least see."
"The video let us pinpoint several navigation stars," N'Skrek said.
The Captain nodded. "Sending the Marines out to the hull to give us a high definition panaromic was a good idea. Same with using that educational slate," she said.
The Telkan had taken video and the video had been ran through a dataslate with an astrogation training manual's testing software loaded in.
"We're not too bad. Between the bulwark systems and the fringe systems," the XO, a Gulmisvan with the unlikely name of Chat Manstud, stated. He nodded slowly. "We're only eighteen light years out from here," he touched one of the stars.
It floated in the tank.
Single high energy G3V star. Six planets, two supermassive gas giants, four gas giants (two with moons), asteroid belt. Two inhabited planets. Population 134 million.
"As soon as we get results from the bootup, whether the rest of the systems work or not, we'll run for that system," the Captain said.
She turned away, moving toward her seat.
In the holotank DYN-772343 burned brightly.
-----
"You can do this," Lieutenant (Senior Grade) Valandee said, moving through the secondary battle bridge. All the systems were down, all of the panels dark.
Even the lights were out.
A greenie rushed in, static between the antenna on its little green head.
Valandee closed his eyes, recited the mnemonic he had memorized back during his midshipman days, and opened his eyes.
The mnemonic hadn't covered no power.
"here here here" the greenie grated out. It gave a cough. "here"
Valandee moved over as the greenie opened the panel. When he saw what was inside, he surpressed a groan.
"OPERATE HANDLE TO PRE-CHARGE EMERGENCY BACKUP SYSTEM" was stenciled above a handle with a grip lever.
He wrapped his armored hand around it, squeezed to compress the lever, and started pumping.
Red.
His datalink clinked.
He was startled how static filled it was.
"We're depending on you, Valandee," Commodore Freelima said softly. She coughed.
It was a wet, tearing sound.
Amber
"You can do this, Lieutenant," she said. "Remember to cut the linkages, just like training." She coughed again and cut the link.
Valandee pumped harder.
"almost almost almost" the greenie said.
Green!
The lever clacked and Valandee could feel the flywheel spinning through the handle.
The greenie thrust its bladearm into the socket then pointed at the casing. "Button"
"Oh, sorry," Valandee said. He pressed the big amber button.
The consoles flickered to life. They started running self-checks, rapidly booting up.
Valandee moved over to the wall, grabbing the little brass hammer and doing something he never actually imagined doing.
He broke the glass over the pull down handle.
He grabbed the handle and pulled it down. There was a faint thud behind the walls.
He rushed over to the second box, grabbing the little brass handle and breaking the glass. This one had a key on a neckchain inside it. He grabbed the key and rushed over to the main console.
He was breathing hard, almost unable to catch his breath, all four of his shoulder's ached, his gripping hands hurt, and the back of his neck hurt.
His hands were shaking as he pulled the cotter pin holding down the plastic shield. He flipped the shield up and stared for a long moment.
He had been trained on this exactly once.
In VR.
During cadet training.
Every ingrained instinct told him not to insert the key.
Not to turn it.
Not to press the button.
His catching hands were shaking as he reached up to his neck, where the key rested against the black laminate of his armored vac-suit.
Training urged him to NOT do what he was about to do.
Something clicked into place.
Something he'd never known existed.
It didn't come from outside of him. It came from inside. Somewhere deep, somewhere he wasn't even aware existed.
He yanked the key off the chain, the smaller chain shattering, which broke the superconductor loop that kept the plastic energized around the key. The plastic guard puffed into dust.
He inserted the key.
"Lieutenant - Senior Grade Valandee, activating secondary emergency battle bridge," he said to the only occupant of the room, one green mantid engineer. His voice was firm, steady.
His friends, comrades, even his leaders, would not have recognized his voice.
He turned the key and the lights went from a steady pale soft white to a harsh red.
He reached out and put his fingers on the button.
"Lieutenant - Senior Grade Valandee," he paused for a split second. "Taking command."
He pressed the button.
The system went live.
"yes yes yes" the greenie chirped. It rushed over to another console. "power up"
He moved over to the command console, sitting in the chair. The back was armored, the seat was armored, and it was built for emergency armored vac-suits. He powered it up and looked.
Multiple hull breaches. The ship was still connected to the space station. The engines were coming online, the pre-charging systems laboring to bring the massive engines online. The hyperdrive was charging.
Primary power plant was at 90% with power stable.
He routed everything through his single panel.
He was trained in it all. The things he and his classmates had scoffed at ever using were all right there, in his brain, as he authorized the armories to unlock, as he powered up the suits.
He activated the intercom.
He could hear an atonal warbling, a screech, in the static that suddenly filled the channel.
"All hands all hands," he said. He paused. "This is the Captain speaking."
He paused again.
"Fight the ship."
-----
The thing screeched as it ran at him. It wasn't just sound, sound didn't carry in vacuum. It came across the radio channels, flooded into his datalink, and slashed at his very brain.
"Hit the phasic shielding, cover our teeth in glitter!" he heard Gunny Zolpad call out.
He could suddenly taste tengleberries and kiwi-lime Liquid Hate on his teeth and down the back of his throat.
He parried the swiping wide arm with the eyeball set into the point of it with the force shield projected from the heavily armored left arm and chopped with the chainsword he held in his right. Blood and tissue spewed out, splattering his gray armor. The spikes crackled and growled, electricity wreathing them, as the energy coursing through them fried the blood and tissue that touched them.
The creature shrieked as he sawed off the right hand arms. It fell to the floor and he pointed his fist at it, bathing it in hellfire.
More rushed down the hallway and Hetrik lurched forward, the barrels already spun up on the heavy M681C9E 7.62mm minigun AKA The Vindicator. The Telkan heavy weapons gunner clamped down on the grip trigger and the barrels started flashing as it cut loose with 3,500 rounds per minute. Tracers, one out of every four, formed a solid bar of bright green as the Telkan Marine hosed the entire corridor with soft ball rounds.
The rounds punched through the white cilia covered forward side of the creatures, sparked off of and shattered the heavy calcite teeth, and flattened against the thick pebbly hide slash armor on the back side of the creature.
The rounds dented, more like dinged, the walls of the space station but didn't penetrate.
"QRF Bravo Element," came over the headset.
"Sir," Corporal Presjak said.
"Hull breach, sending you the sector. As soon as the civvies are evac'd, you blow the explosive bolts," came the Captain's voice. It was calm, even toned, like the officer wasn't engaged in combat with the Mar-gite.
Hetrik stepped back to let the gun cool, the cooling fins working overtime in vacuum, and Jaskel stepped forward again, hefting the gauzy looking force shield being emitted from his left arm and setting himself. On his right Private Teleri'ik hefted his own shield and revved the Mark 2 cutting bar.
--suit temp lowering-- 8814 said.
"Getting the hang of the systems yet?" Jaskel asked.
--slowly complicated more complicated than thought for thousands years old-- 8814 said.
"Rather have this suit, built to fight these fucks, than my old one since they rip right through warsteel if its too thin," Jaskel said. He grunted as he blocked an onrushing Mar-gite that used the sphincters on its back to jet forward as it shot thin clouds of acid behind it.
The chainsword vibrated in his grip as it ripped through thick rubbery flesh, hard calcite internal structures, and the weird rubbery back armor that could shrug even medium caliber magac rounds.
But it wasn't any match for the teeth of the cutting bar.
It dropped and he hosed it with the built in ejector on his right forearm, bathing it in fire even in vacuum. He didn't know what it was, but it burnt fiercely, consuming the Mar-gite and even carbonizing some of the endosteel floor plating before it went out.
Whatever it was, Jaskel liked it.
He threw one against the wall, raked down its back, the Mark 2 cutting bar shredding the thick rubbery 'armor' as he ripped through the back. There was a slight jerk, that he'd quickly gotten used to, as he hit the calcite brain shell, then blackish goo shot out.
It fell to the floor and he bathed it too.
Around the corner. Slam one against the wall with the shield, rip down the legs of two coming at him. Fire. Fire. Rip down the other one, hose it down with fire too.
Up ahead he could see Mar-gite adhered to the walls and floors, pulsing obscenely.
You poor bastards, Jaskel thought.
Hetrik stepped up, knowing that Hetrik couldn't penetrate the rear armor of the Mar-gite. He cut one down the back and it fell cilia up.
The 'inside' of the Mar-gite was pink at the edges, red around a half-dissolved skeleton that looked like it was melting into the cilia. He could see organs, veins, and nerve fibers.
The Mar-gite dissolved the nerve fibers last, the victim able to feel every second of it being eaten.
Digital Omnimessiah take you, he thought to the victim.
He hosed it with fire and stepped up to the next one, this one on the floor.
The passage thickened with the ones on the walls and floor, and it became mechanical.
Chop, hose, step step, chop hose, step step.
"Here!" Gunny called out. He stopped next to the door and banged on it. He grabbed the edge of the door and pulled it open.
Inside were a score of civvies, all in vac-suits.
The ones who weren't in vac-suits were already dead or eaten.
"Telkan Marines," the Gunny called out as soon as his suit found the channel they were using. He overrode their questions and exclamations and motioned. "Come with us if you want to live. We're evacing the station and blowing it."
The civvies hurried after the Gunny and Jaskel followed, bringing up the rear.
8814 cut his vision in half, the upper half a view of behind him, the lower half a wide panoramic view as they hustled down the corridors. A few times the civilians stumbled or tried to stop, but the Gunny urged them on with a shove or a yank.
"Alpha Element, report," came the Captain's voice.
"Coming back to the Hasselhoff's Delight now, sir," the Gunny said.
"Roger. Move with a purpose," the Captain said.
The bulkhead bulged in front of Jaskel and 8814 snapped his vision back to forward. Jaskel found feel the capacitors whine up as he activated the force shield, kicking off and running toward the bulge that the civilians were just starting to pass. His teeth tasted like they coated in electric glitter that tasted of blackberries as he revved the cutting bar.
He knocked down two of the civvies but stopped right in front of the bulge.
It dissolved and Mar-gite started trying to squeeze through. It didn't matter they were two to three meters tall and from a half to a full meter thick, he'd seen the squeeze through a gap less than a quarter meter wide and a fifth of a meter high.
He bathed them in fire, kicking outward.
The grav system in his boot flashed a bright purple as all the kinetic energy that the suit collected with each pounding step was released through the grav system in his boots. The burning Mar-gite blew away from the bulkhead.
For a second he could see space beyond.
The four ships he could see were putting out such a volume of fire they were nothing but a ball of straight lines of bright fire. He could see the Mar-gite boarding clusters, numbering in the thousand, being shed from a construct bigger than all the ships combined. Something hit the construct with a bright green flash that erupted from inside the construct.
More Mar-gite 'hands' with the eyes on the end, slapped at the edge of the hole dissolved in the bulkhead. Jaskel hosed them with fire even as he stabbed with the cutting bar.
"Jaskel, clear!" the Gunny called.
Jaskel turned and went to lunge forward.
One of the 'hands' slapped his shoulder.
The spikes erupted in crackling energy, a grav spike twisting up from the point of the spike even as it was wreathed in high voltage measured in the kiloamps.
The flesh of the Mar-gite exploded into steam and rags.
He was moving, hustling after the group.
--well we know that works wow-- 8814 said.
"Power drop?" Jaskel asked.
--negligible system has its own micro-zero point system-- 8814 said.
Jaskel just grunted.
The airlock and the connecting tube was coming up. Jaskel glanced up, checking his rear, to see that blast doors were lowering.
The Gunny was at the door, slapping each Telkan Marine on the back.
"And five!" the Gunny called. He followed Jaskel. "Clear!"
The airlock slammed shut behind them. There was vibration in the connecting tube that wasn't the heavy armored feet of the Telkan Marines as the civilians and the Telkan moved to the attached ship, the Confederate Space Force Naval Vessel Hasslehoff's Delight.
"Clear!" the Captain called out.
The airlock slammed shut.
Jaskel turned and looked at hullward.
They were in a massive dropship bay. The permeable forcefield was glittering as the ship began to move away from the space station.
There were flashes and streaks around the ship as the point defense, missile defense, and other systems shifted from protecting the space station to protecting the ship.
The big bay doors started to shut.
"What about the planet?" someone asked.
The Gunny turned and looked at the group of Telkan.
"Five whole constructs made landfall," he said, his voice grim. "A Megaconstruct is already dropping more clusters onto the continents by the tens of thousands. It's over for anyone down there."
The Gunny looked at the door.
"Fleet's going to planet crack it."
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Straddling the border of North Carolina and Tennessee, the Great Smoky Mountains National Park is a hiker’s paradise. A wondrous diversity of plant and animal life, as well as a rich history of Southern Appalachian culture, make this national park a must-visit destination.

Why Visit Great Smoky Mountains National Park in an RV?

This vast national park spans roughly 522,427 acres, and the best way to explore this territory is by setting up an RV base camp at one of the park’s many campgrounds. Most park roads are accessible to RVs, but be sure to check the website for current conditions leading up to your visit.
Because the park is spread out, an RV allows you to camp at several different locations throughout your stay. This way, you’ll be able to experience the different trails and park attractions while minimizing daily driving.

When to Visit Great Smoky Mountains Park

According to the National Park Service (NPS), the Smoky Mountains National Park is one of the top five most visited parks in the US. In 2020, the park received more than 12 million visitors, and the park stays open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
That said, seasonal road closures may impact your ability to access certain parts of the park. Depending on when you’re visiting, be sure to check the park’s website to get information on temporary road and facility closures when planning your trip.
Be aware that park elevations range from 875 feet up to 6,643 feet at the top of its highest peaks. That means conditions can vary dramatically from your campground to the accessible peaks in the park.

Great Smoky Mountains National Park in the Spring

The NPS classifies spring in the Smoky Mountains from March through May. This is arguably the most unpredictable time for weather in the park, and changes can occur rapidly, especially at higher elevations.
In March, the average high temperature at the lower elevations in the park is 61℉, and the average low is 42℉. April’s average high regularly reaches the 70s, and lows rarely drop below freezing. In May, the average high is in the 70s and 80s, with lows in the 40s and 50s.
Be aware that temperatures can drop 10-20 degrees at higher elevations. Up high, snow is common in March and is possible at lower elevations as well. April and May see average rainfall accumulations between four and 4.5 inches.

Great Smoky Mountains National Park in the Summer

Summer runs from June through August in the park, and it includes the park’s busiest season, which is roughly from July 1st through August 15th. Summer in the Smokies is known for three things: heat, haze, and humidity. Afternoon thunderstorms are also common and daytime temperatures at the park’s lower elevations regularly rise into the 90s in July and August.
Comfortable evenings experience lows in the 60s and 70s, making summer the perfect time to stay out late and stargaze in the park. Still, temperatures above 80℉ are rare at higher elevations in the summer, and night-time lows can still dip down into the 40s at times.

Great Smoky Mountains National Park in the Fall

The changing colors in the park make fall the second-most popular time to visit. Fall runs roughly from September through mid-November in the Smoky Mountains and is the driest time of the year in the park.
Autumn is also known for clear skies and daytime highs averaging in the 70s and 80s in September but falling into the 50s and 60s in November. The first frost of the year typically happens in late September, and lows near freezing are common by mid-to-late November.

Great Smoky Mountains National Park in the Winter

Winter in Great Smoky Mountains National Park runs from mid-November through February. As you gain elevation in the park, extreme weather becomes more likely. The lower elevations, however, typically experience relatively moderate winters.
At lower elevations, more than half of all winter days experience daytime temperatures in the 50s and lows at, or just below, freezing. The lower elevations only receive snowfalls in excess of one inch a handful of times yearly.
Most of the higher elevations in the park are blanketed in snow for much of January and February. It’s not uncommon for up to two feet of snow to fall in a single storm at high elevations, and temperatures as low as -20℉ have been recorded on the park’s high peaks.

Where to Stay

There are a total of 10 campgrounds within the boundaries of Great Smoky Mountains National Park. These are considered frontcountry camping with restrooms with flush toilets and cold running water. Each site at these campgrounds offers a picnic table and a fire grate.
Of these 10 campgrounds, seven offer spots that are accessible to RVs. Here are the quick links to these campgrounds where you can find more information on camping fees, RV size restrictions, and more:

• Cades Cove Campground
• Cataloochee Campground
• Cosby Campground
• Deep Creek Campground
• Elkmont Campground
• Look Rock Campground
• Smokemont Campground

Please check the NPS website for more information or call the park headquarters at 865-436-1200 for more information.
In addition, there are opportunities for backcountry camping along the park’s many trails. You can also investigate group campgrounds for larger parties or horse camps for your equestrian needs.

Staying Outside The Park

There are also a number of RV parks and resorts in nearby towns like Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge. Consider these alternatives if you can’t find a site at a campground inside the park.

• Greenbrier Campground: Located in Gatlinburg, TN, about 25 minutes from the Sugarlands Visitor Center.
• Riveredge RV Park: Located in Pigeon Forge, TN, about 20 minutes from the Sugarlands Visitor Center.
• Stonebridge RV Resort: Located in Maggie Valley, NC, about 40 minutes from the Oconaluftee Visitor Center.
• Smoky Mountain Meadows Campground: Located in Bryson City, NC, about 30 minutes from the Oconaluftee Visitor Center.

Tips For Booking

• Reservations for RV-accessible campgrounds in the park can be made through Recreation.gov or by calling 877-444-6777. Making reservations in advance is strongly recommended when visiting the park during the summer and fall months.
• Only heat-treated firewood that is bundled and certified by the USDA or a state department of agriculture is allowed in the park to prevent the introduction of invasive species.
• Camping within the park is limited to 14 consecutive days and no more than 60 days in a calendar year.
• General quiet hours run from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m., and generator quiet hours run from 8 p.m. to 8 a.m.
• Check-in time is 1 p.m., and check-out time is noon.
• Only one RV or trailer is allowed per site. Sites with one RV or trailer may also have one additional vehicle.
• There are a minimal number of food storage lockers available in park campgrounds. Food and scented items must be stored in an enclosed vehicle or in a camping unit made of solid, non-pliable material when not in use.

Get more information on campground rules and regulations before your visit.

How to Get Around Great Smoky Mountains National Park

Downloading maps of the park and surrounding regions is a great way to plan your visit to the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. Cell service may not be 100% reliable throughout the park, so having these maps on hand will help you navigate the attractions you want to visit.
There are three main entrances to the park, and they are located in Gatlinburg, TN, Townsend, TN, and Cherokee, NC. There is no public transportation to the park from nearby cities, but there are some commercial operations running out of Asheville, NC, and Knoxville, TN.
Depending on the entrance you are looking for, check the park’s website for more detailed driving directions.

Driving Tips in the Park

The more than 380 miles of roads in the park are mostly paved, and even gravel roads are suitable for passenger vehicles most times of the year. However, roads can be narrow and winding, with blind spots and small shoulders. Speed limits throughout the park are 35 miles per hour or less.
Trailers, RVs, and buses are prohibited on certain roads in the park, and RVers should be familiar with mountain driving techniques to avoid overheating brakes and other mechanical issues. If you’re unsure whether a certain road is accessible to your RV, stop and ask a ranger at the closest visitor center.

Places to Go

From starting your trip at a visitor center to exploring off-the-beaten-path, there are many places to go in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. Here’s a brief overview to help you plan your visit:

The Visitor Centers

There are a total of four visitor centers placed strategically throughout the park. They are located at Cades Cove, Oconaluftee, Sugarlands, and Clingmans Dome, respectively. Research which location is closest to the entrance you plan to use to get into the park.
A visitor center is a great first stop to pick up maps, inquire about trail conditions, and ask park rangers any questions you may have. They are also the meeting location for any ranger-led programs you’d like to participate in during your stay.

Clingmans Dome

Clingmans Dome is one of the park’s most popular attractions. Topping out at 6,643 feet in elevation, it is the highest point in the park and offers spectacular panoramic views of the Smokies stretching out in all directions.
It is also the tallest mountain in the state of Tennessee and the third-highest point east of the Mississippi. Getting to the observation tower to enjoy the views only requires a half-mile walk from the parking lot, although the trail is quite steep.

Cades Cove

If you’re interested in wildlife viewing, Cades Cove is one of the best locations to visit in the park. This broad, lush valley is a bountiful habitat for white-tailed deer, black bears, coyotes, turkeys, groundhogs, and many of the park’s other animal inhabitants.
Whether you just want to drive through the valley, stop and hike, bike the Cades Cove Loop Road on a vehicle-free day, find a campground, or study the valley’s rich history, there’s plenty to do in one of the most popular areas in the park.

Cataloochee

For visitors interested in learning more about the park’s cultural heritage, the Cataloochee Valley is one of the best places to tour historic buildings. From old churches and schools to preserved homesteads, there’s much to learn about the people who inhabited the valley before the park was established.
Cataloochee Creek and its tributaries also offer some of the best fishing in the park. Other attractions include wildlife viewing, hiking, and camping. Be sure to pick up the self-guided tour booklet at a roadside stand as you enter the valley.

Deep Creek

A vast collection of streams and waterfalls awaits visitors to the Great Smoky Mountains’ Deep Creek area. There are several excellent loop hikes with waterfalls scattered throughout, and some of the trails in this park area also allow mountain biking.
The campground in this part of the park is open from April through October, and you can enjoy the Deep Creek Picnic Area if you’re just looking for a spot to pull off and enjoy your lunch before continuing on your merry way.

Elkmont

Numerous archaeological digs in the area have made Elkmont the park’s epicenter for learning more about the prehistoric history of the Appalachian Mountains. Fossil evidence uncovered here has revealed the existence of human inhabitants dating as far back as 8,000 to 5,000 years ago.
More recently, Elkmont was home to the Appalachian Club. Today, 18 of the club’s buildings have been preserved by the park service. The Elkmont Campground is also one of the largest in the park and a great location to base your Smoky Mountains adventure.

Roaring Fork

Wildflowers are abundant year-round in this part of the park, and it’s also a great destination for checking out more historic buildings. Roaring Fork gets its name because the creek flowing through is one of the largest and fastest-flowing streams in the park.
A great place to start here is with a tour of the Roaring Fork Motor Nature Trail. Along this 5.5-mile one-way road, you’ll have chances to see old log cabins and grist mills, and you can stop to stretch your legs on the hike to one of the park’s most popular waterfalls, Rainbow Falls.

Mountain Farm Museum and Mingus Mill

If you’re entering the park near the Oconaluftee Visitor Center, the Mountain Farm Museum and Mingus Mill is a great place to start. It offers several easy-to-moderate walking trails and one of the park’s most unique collections of historic structures preserved in a single location.
On the site, there’s an old barn, apple house, spring house, log farmhouse, smokehouse, and a working blacksmith shop. You’ll truly get a sense of how people lived here more than 100 years ago, and it’s a great opportunity to teach kids about historic gardening and agricultural practices used for hundreds of years on the North Carolina side of the park.

Newfound Gap

While some folks might simply refer to them as “mountain passes”, the term “gap” is more prominent in the vernacular of Southern Appalachia. It refers to a low point between two mountains, and the Newfound Gap is the lowest drivable pass in the park.
Rising to a height of just over 5,000 feet, the drive’s biggest attraction is the diversity of forest ecosystems you’ll encounter along the way. The diversity is often compared to what you’d experience on the much longer drive from Georgia up to Maine. Oh, and the Appalachian Trail crosses over the gap road, so it’s an excellent chance to get out and stretch your legs on this famed long-distance hiking trail.

Fontana Dam

Standing at a height of 480 feet, the Fontana Dam is the tallest concrete dam in the eastern United States (east of the Rocky Mountains). Blocking the Little Tennessee River, the dam forms Fontana Lake, which has a reservoir size covering roughly 11,700 acres.
The lake offers about 240 miles of shoreline and excellent opportunities for boating and fishing. The nearby visitor center is open from early May until late October and is a great place to get more information on recreational opportunities in the area.

Attractions in North Carolina

The Tennessee side of the park may be more popular, but the southern side of the park offers plenty to see and do as well. Start at the Oconaluftee Visitor Center and then choose one of the following scenic drives to get acquainted with the area.

• Longview Drive: Roughly six miles long, including views of Fontana Lake. Starts near Bryson City, NC.
• Blue Ridge Parkway and Cherohala Skyway: While technically located outside the park boundaries, both drives offer excellent mountain views.

The North Carolina side is also one of the best places to spot members of the park’s reintroduced elk herd in Cataloochee Valley or visit the tallest waterfall in the southern Appalachians, Mingo Falls.
Some of the park’s other North Carolina attractions include hiking, fishing, picnicking, camping, biking, and touring historic structures.

Things To Do in Great Smoky Mountains National Park

From workshops and classes to wildlife viewing, the Great Smoky Mountains National Park offers something for everyone. Here’s a quick overview of all the things to do in the park:

Auto Touring

Because of the park’s mountainous terrain, one of the best ways to experience its diversity is by car. On all the park’s roads, you’ll find numerous pull-outs where you can briefly explore mature hardwood forests, weathered historic buildings, cascading waterfalls, and panoramic mountain views.
You can find affordable booklets at the park’s visitor centers to guide your auto-touring adventure in the Smoky Mountains. Some of the most popular roads in the park include Cades Cove Loop Road, Newfound Gap Road, Cataloochee Valley, Upper Tremont Road, and the Roaring Fork Motor Nature Trail.

Biking

Most of the roads in the parks allow bicycles, but you must be comfortable sharing the road with automobile traffic. The steep terrain also requires a proper multi-speed road bike and comfort with riding on narrow roads.
The Cades Cove Loop Road is the most popular route for biking in the park. It’s an eleven-mile ride, one-way, and offers chances to see local wildlife and stop to check out some of the park’s 19th-century homesites along the way.

Hiking

From kid-friendly hikes to multi-day backpacking trips, the Great Smoky Mountains National Park offers great hiking for people of all skill and fitness levels. If backpacking interests you, learn more about the Appalachian Trail and the permits required for backcountry camping.
If you’re looking for day hikes, here are a few of the most popular trails:

• Alum Cave Bluffs: This is a moderately strenuous five-mile round-trip hike with highlights including an old-growth hardwood forest and the narrow tunnel of Arch Rock.
• Andrews Bald: This is a moderate 3.6-mile round-trip hike highlighted by massive patches of blackberries and raspberries if you hit it at the right time of year.
• Charlies Bunion: This is a difficult eight-mile round-trip hike along the Appalachian Trail, with the halfway point featuring stunning panoramic views from the stone outcropping that the hike is named for.
• Chimney Tops: This is a tough 4.4-mile round-trip hike that is one of the most popular in the park. It features three stream crossings and excellent views of Mount Le Conte.
• Rainbow Falls: This is a moderately strenuous 5.4-mile round-trip hike that concludes at one of the largest falls in the park, an 80-foot drop that sometimes freezes into the shape of an hourglass in the winter.

As a quick safety tip, bears are active year-round in the Smoky Mountains. Hikers may carry bear spray while in the park, and you should study up on other important hiking safety tips before hitting the trails.

Fishing

In a park that has more than 2,900 miles of streams, you’ll find plenty of chances for fishing. Roughly 20 percent of the park’s waterways are big enough to support trout populations and fishing is permitted year-round in the park from 30 minutes before official sunrise to 30 minutes after official sunset.
Depending on where you plan to fish, you must meet the fishing license requirements for North Carolina, Tennessee, or both states. Fishing licenses are not sold within park boundaries and must be obtained in nearby towns before entering the park.

Horseback Riding, Hayrides, and Carriage and Wagon Rides

Horseback riding is another opportunity in the park, whether you bring your own horses or you’re looking for a guided experience. There are four concession stables to choose from in the park. They are located at Cades Cove, Smokemont, Smoky Mountain, and Sugarlands.
If you want to bring your own horses, you’ll have plenty of trails to choose from. Download a trail map to plan your ride, and make sure you stick to horse-accessible trails. There are five horse camps for overnight stays, and check out the park’s website to learn more about hayrides and carriage and wagon rides in the Smokies.

Visiting Burial Landscapes and Historic Buildings

Over 90 historic buildings and cemeteries have been preserved or rehabilitated in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. These sites are an important link between the Southern Appalachian communities that dwelled here before the park’s formation and today’s modern visitors.
Most of the park’s historic log buildings are along the main roads for auto touring. The burial landscapes provide unique insights into various community origins, burial customs, religious beliefs, and cultural influences of the early humans in this region.

Viewing the Fall Colors

Starting in early October, the leaves in the park begin to change at elevations greater than 4,000 feet. While the exact dates of the “peak season” are impossible to predict from year to year, the fall colors here are truly a sight to behold if you can time your visit correctly.
Clingmans Dome Road, the Blue Ridge Parkway, and the Foothills Parkway are the best roads in the park to drive if you want to see the changing of the leaves on mountain maple, yellow birch, American beech, hobblebush, pin cherry, and many other native trees.

Waterfall Excursions

If you visit the park in spring, the melting snow at high elevations swells the park’s vast collection of waterfalls. Grotto, Laurel, Abrams, and Rainbow Falls are a handful of the most popular cascades in the park, and more than 200,000 visitors arrive in the park each year to visit falls like these.
With more than 85 inches of annual rainfall and rugged mountainous terrain, the park boasts the perfect climate for developing waterfalls. The tallest waterfall in the park, the Ramsey Cascades, drops more than 100 feet before collecting in a small pool that is often home to a family of salamanders.

Wildflower Viewing

Spring and summer are also great times for wildflower viewing in the park. More than 1,500 types of flowering plants can be found within the park, and nine species of native shrubs, such as Catawba rhododendron and sweet azalea, contribute to the annual blooming display.
In fact, the diversity of wildflowers has earned the Smoky Mountains the unofficial nickname of “Wildflower National Park.” From spring beauties blooming in the late winter to the final asters blooming in the fall, wildflower viewing is a year-round attraction in the park.

What to Bring and How to Prepare

• A limited selection of groceries, snacks, firewood, ice, and other concessions are available at Cades Cove Campground, Elkmont Campground, and the Smokemont Riding Stables. Most of your perishable goods should be bought outside the park and packed in your RV refrigerator or an insulated camping cooler.
• There are no gas stations or other related services in the park. There are numerous communities outside the park, but the closest services are in Cherokee, NC, Gatlinburg, TN, and Townsend, TN.
• Bring a pet leash (maximum six-foot length) and keep your pet on it at all times when outside your RV. Pets are only allowed on certain roads and trails in the park but check here to see pet restrictions for all 62 national parks.
• Hiking clothes. Many hikes in the park may require a light shirt at the bottom and an insulated jacket as you climb in elevation.
• Yellowjacket wasps can be extremely aggressive in the park in the fall. Insect repellents and bug sprays will help, as will lanterns and candles. But allergic persons should carry Benadryl or an Epi-pen in their first aid kit. If stung on the hand, it is recommended to remove any and all rings before swelling occurs.
• There are no swimming or tubing areas in the park, and climbing waterfalls is strongly discouraged due to algae growth that causes rocks to be extremely slippery.

Be sure to read up on more information regarding water safety, temporary closures and alerts, emergency information, and general park safety tips before visiting the Great Smoky Mountains National Park.
Plan your next trip to the national parks in an RV. Rent an RV, trade-In your RV, or buy an RV and start traveling for less than $5 a day.

fidget toys never did anything for me, and sooo many people have recommended them/given them to me. but I don’t pick cause I have nothing to do with my hands, I pick because I’m OBSESSED with it. And even fidget toys that I could pay attention to just dont scratch that itch because there’s really no similarities between the action of a spinning a hard plastic fidget spinner and scanning for imperfections/picking at your skin meticulously For hours.
BUT I FINALLY FOUND SOMETHING fruit!!! (Or vegetables) it has that organic feel, has give to it and bounce back like skin, fibers that I can pull apart, a billion different strands and seeds and textures that i can pick apart with my nails, or classic BFRD tools like safety pins and Bobby pins and tweezers, I can put it in my mouth, use my teeth and nails to tear and shred, and its safe to eat! My favorite are oranges/cuties, i like to use scissors to cut the peel off in rows and then tweezers to pick off every little white fiber of pith before eating the little tiny tiny little sacks in each piece one by one. Picking out the seeds of a dragonfruit with a saftey pin is also fun, plus peeling the skin of that and pineapple really remind me of picking at my feet. Pomegranates have really hard skin and crunchy seeds if you like that, as do coconuts with the added bonus of getting to scrape the inside and pull hairs off of it. Blueberries, cherries, and seed-in grapes are fun to peel and feel in your mouth. Fig, blackberries, raspberries, papaya, corn, and broccoli are a great long lasting task to pick apart, and asparagus, celery, banana, and cabbage have long fibers to pull. I do this so much more than picking my skin now and I also eat more fruit this way lol. I really hope this helps someone as much as it has helped me!!!

For more background see my January MD.
Section One: Assets and Debt
Retirement Balance = $20,404.84
Been reading about options to consolidate these accounts, nothing appeals to me yet.
HSA Balance = $2765
Am keeping my contribution the same for now.
HYSA Balance = $1800.00
Used funds from here to prepay for a summer vacation. Last year I put money aside each month for a trip and ended up spending way more because I missed all the deals. This year I saw a good deal, realized it’d leave me with at least $1k for an emergency, and decided not to miss it.
Checking Account Balance = $57.96
I think I log in daily for the sheer amazement there is still money in here.
Credit Card Debt = $15,995.08
Need to switch the small recurring charges to my checking account.
Personal Loan Debt = $19,453.28
Need to read the statement to see when the interest is added and factor that into my payments.
Student Loan Debt = $274,294.21
Interest added and nope still not bothering me.
Section Two: Income
Income Progression: I have been working in my field for one year, my starting salary was $95,000.
2024 is my second year as a licensed psychologist and I agreed to explore a lateral move for a few months prior to making a final decision. I’ll do some observing, training, and have a modified caseload. I recently set a firm boundary as the department needs someone to lead new diversity initiatives and develop programming and the supervisor said it’d be great if I handled this. Why? Because I’m the only non-White psychologist and this seems like something I’m supposed to do? There are three psychologists in the department with solid program development experience who weren’t asked to do this project and no they aren’t too busy. I have no issue with this lateral move having no salary or title change as the skills expansion is valuable, but I won’t play token for anyone. I calmly stated I was exploring the role and preferred to observe someone more experienced take on the project to learn more about program development. Then I got to listen to the three psychologists wax on about how they aren’t experts in diversity and had no idea where to start so someone with more diversity knowledge should handle it. Then they stared at me and waited for the director to agree. I got to hold in my laughter as the director instead challenged the three of them to work together, expand their diversity knowledge, and get the project done while I observe.
Main Job Monthly Take Home = $4892.38
Taxes/Social Security/Medicare = $1624.88
401k = $365.38
Vision Insurance = $8.18
Dental Insurance = $30.34
HSA = $200
Supplemental Aflac Coverages = $186.54
Section Three: Expenses
Rent = $1200
Move in special ended, full price is still a significant decrease from the house I rented last year.
Renters insurance = $103.67, paid biannually
Policy renewed and the monthly pay option now requires auto-pay with a hefty auto-pay fee, no thanks.
Savings contribution = $0
A helpful video There’s No Such Thing as Saving Money clarified why saving “just in case” and broadly doesn’t feel purposeful or motivating. The video Emergency Fund vs Building True Expenses helped clarify why often it feels like I get to $3k and then have an emergency. It’d be easier to create a fund for true expenses and have an emergency fund so that unprepared stops feeling emergent. Pondering splitting my HYSA balance into $1k emergency fund and $800 true expenses then adding from there.
Credit Card = $158.30
Includes referral credits I earned.
Personal Loan = $399.87
Not paying above the minimum.
Student Loan = $0
Noticed that Mohela has moved me to the Standard repayment plan and claims I’m two months past due. *eye roll* Student aid correctly lists me under the SAVE plan so I’m going to continue to not stress about this and give Mohela time to sort themselves out.
Donations/volunteer hours = $0 and no volunteer hours.
Been reading about a few charities of interest, no firm decisions yet.
Healthcare = $0
Electric = $616.64
Turns out running four energy efficient space heaters round the clock when it’s cold is really expensive. Despite the gas heater being broken the landlord was only obligated to provide me with space heaters which I didn’t accept because theirs were really old and didn’t have any auto-shut-off features. Now if the electric went out they would have put me in a hotel, but thankfully that didn’t happen.
Gas Heat = $0
The gas heating unit was repaired last month so now I can use it. This should lower the electric.
Water = $25
Landlord replaced the water meter last month to a newer one and switched to a flat rate for everyone in response to tenant complaints prior to my move in. I use way more water than this so a deal for me.
Internet = $109.08
Cellphone = $66.68
After years of use my router and wifi equipment died so I hotspotted for video calls with my family and class while waiting for the new equipment to arrive.
Hulu = $2.99
Philo with Starz = $30
Amazon Prime = $139, paid annually
Chocolate of the Month = $75
I get two pounds of premium chocolates. One pound or more is shared with friends during a monthly “Let’s get chocolate wasted” night, the rest I enjoy.
Flower of the Month = $75
I get one bouquet because flowers bring me joy. I always envied women who had a special someone to send them flowers and last year I decided to stop waiting for that special someone.
Wine of the Month = $130
I get four bottles. Two are shared with friends during a monthly “Wine down Wednesday.” Sometimes one bottle is a last minute gift otherwise the remaining I enjoy.
Car insurance = $341.61, paid biannually
The healthcare workers discount was extended to mental health. It’s bundled with my renter’s policy so I paid in full to avoid higher auto-pay fees.
Gas = $74.55
Car maintenance = $0
Food = $626.87
Fed up with the local grocery store raising their prices and fewer options here. I decided to go out of town for more affordable options which requires shifting to biweekly or monthly shopping so travel costs don’t negate savings.
Household supplies = $314.86
HaiNails/Spa services = $301.38
Professional development expenses = $400
Money Diary
Sunday
6am - Awake feeling annoyed over having to deal with delivery people today instead of yesterday. I get their delay, but it’s Sunday and I’d prefer to not be bothered.
7am - Pick up a bit, transfer fridge contents to an ice chest, lower the heat, and confirm the bathroom is supplied and clean. Get dressed.
7:30am - Cantaloupe and cookies for breakfast, watching cartoons.
9am - Delivery people arrive and two of them appear uncomfortably young. Neither speak a word of English and seem skittish. The lead said something to them and they ran back to the truck. I show the lead where everything goes and he makes a bunch of weird comments about how my furniture looks brand new. I suggest he check out the local rent-to-own if he’s in the market for something. The younger two lurked in the background and looked nervous, scared, or both. The lead clarifies they’re not his sons, just new guys that arrived from another country. Something is still off. Should I be concerned about child labor laws? Human trafficking?
The three of them get to work swapping the appliances. Landlord wasn’t kidding about the upgrades. The freezer is kind of annoying actually. It’s at the bottom with weird compartments more suited for frozen dinners. *sigh* Exit the kitchen.
Spend the next hour getting water for the lead and ignoring his rude comments about my home. One young guy asked to use the bathroom, I oblige. The lead hovered near the door the whole time. A few minutes later he exits and the other young guy asks to use it. I oblige. They both remained skittish and returned to their work while the lead glared at them.
10am - The lead directed them to clean up and head back to the truck. They exchanged a look, quickly cleaned up, and ran off. I’m not sure what’s going on but something is off and I’d like them gone. I confirm they haven’t left anything behind. The lead explains a few features, mentions it’ll take two to four hours for the fridge to get cold, then asks for a tip. I explain the landlord will be handling that as I walk to the door and open it. He stares at me for a bit, confirms I have no further questions, and leaves. Since when do delivery people request tips?!
10:30am - Confirm the truck has left and call the landlord to leave a lengthy message about how those guys are never to return. Wipe the grimy smudges off the appliances. Thinking about the two younger ones I go to the bathroom to straighten up and see that they left a huge mess. There’s piss all over the unflushed toilet and floor and water all over the counter. Annoyed, I clean the bathroom and really wonder if perhaps they’re in trouble. I place a call to a colleague who works with law enforcement, tell her what happened, and she loops in a colleague in law enforcement to make some inquiries.
11am - Starving, heat up chicken and broccoli alfredo and tune into The Pod Generation, that should distract me from today’s events right?
Noon - Totally sucked into this movie, munching on chips and cookies. Feeling validated that others wondered what would happen if we just laid eggs. Sad to see my entire profession eradicated.
1pm - Switch to Grey’s Anatomy reruns, create a grocery list.
2:15pm - Put on coat and shoes, take out trash, and go to grocery warehouse.
3:20pm - Arrive at grocery warehouse, note they carry most things I buy and have a decent meat selection. Happy I spent less than half what I would locally for two weeks worth of food ($132.17).
5pm - Hit the road and debate going straight home versus hitting another store for missing items.
5:45pm - Stop for gas, top off oil ($30).
6pm - Home, unload groceries, and decide to go back out because I don’t want to run errands tomorrow.
6:25pm - At big box grocer, annoyed they only have two items. Check out and grumble about having to head to overpriced grocer for everything else ($10.68).
6:40pm - Get remaining items and check out of overpriced grocer ($33.14).
7pm - No line at the burger joint next door and too lazy to cook. Order and try not to be annoyed by the chatty cashier ($10.70).
7:15pm - Home, unload groceries, and glad to see no messages.
7:40pm - Nosh on burger and fries, watching 500 Days of Summer. Top off my meal with an almond brownie, it’s not very good. Won’t buy them again.
8:45pm - Realize how watching this now I despise Summer but when it first came out I didn’t. I wonder if it’s weird I’ve never been or invited to a wedding despite knowing plenty of people who’ve gotten married.....hmmm....
9:15pm - Switch to Sister of the Groom.
10:15pm - Finally, a leading lady who gets how old and gross I feel.
11am - Still feeling old and gross. Put on Grey’s Anatomy reruns and realize I still need to apply pre-poo, a curly head’s secret weapon, for wash day tomorrow. Decide to get up at the next commercial.
Total = $216.69
Monday
3am - Wake up in my armchair to some weird show. Remember the pre-poo and get to work.
4am - Pre-pooed hair under turban, realize I didn’t wash the bed linens, and snuggle under my weighted blanket in the armchair. Weird show until sleep.
7:30am - Wake up feeling refreshed and cozy. Lazy stretch with another weird show in the background. Ponder how much of my to do list I can accomplish. It’s a paid holiday so I might as well make the best of it. Put the tea kettle on.
8:30am - Curl up with a cup of hot cacao and cartoons.
9am - Apparently cartoons end early on weekdays. Pick a random rom com and pretend I’m not procrastinating on the day.
10:30am - This movie is super boring, can’t bother to finish it. *sigh* I have homework to do. Feeling hungry. Make a cheese omelet.
10:45am - Switch to a Hallmark mystery while having an omelet, crackers, and sparkling pomegranate juice.
1pm - Homework with another Hallmark mystery in the background.
2:15pm - Homework complete, still watching the Hallmark mystery.
3:15pm - Eat a bowl of cereal and tune into another Hallmark mystery. Fully acknowledge my procrastination.
3:30pm - Realize I’ve seen this one and go wash my hair. Notice there’s water everywhere upon exit and make a note to contact maintenance. Mop up and leave the fan running. Stifle a scream at the sight of my nude form in the mirror doors of the bedroom closet. WTF is all of that?! How long has it been so saggy, lumpy, and just THAT?!!? Decide no one should ever see that again, grab the contact paper for the drawer lining project and cover the entirety of both doors. Grumble about the dumbass concept of mirror doors. Nope don’t care that they’ll deduct the cost of uncovering them from my security deposit when I move.
4:15pm - Apply conditioning hair mask. Hungry and annoyed everything requires cooking. Grab one of those terrible almond brownies, return to the Hallmark mystery.
5pm - Rinse hair, detangle, and wrap in a t-shirt towel. Mop up again and leave the fan running. *sigh* that’s annoying. Glare at the covered mirror doors and grumble about how no one tells you being 40 isn’t just feeling old and gross you actually look that way too. *sigh*
5:30pm - Cook veggie soup for work lunches.
6:45pm - Put some soup in a bread bowl for dinner and curl up in front of a Hallmark mystery I haven’t seen. Phone rings, too hungry to care who it is.
6:50pm - Clearly restaurants use some sorcery to keep soup in the bread bowl. It sprung a leak so I put the whole thing in a regular bowl. Well I’m determined to master this because one of my largest takeout cravings are bread bowls lol.
7:15pm - Done eating, pause the movie and return gal pal’s phone call. Her antics are always hilarious.
8:45pm - Portion soup for lunches and pack tomorrows lunch.
9pm - Apply heat protectant and blow dry hair. Dislike the remaining volume and give it a light flat iron. Add a bit of styling oil to smooth frizz and flyaways and pin hair up. Glare at those covered mirror doors.
9:15pm - Resume the Hallmark mystery while noshing on the lid to my bread bowl. If only they just sold the lids.....
12:15am - Wake up and realize this is not the same Hallmark mystery I was last watching. Save it and dress for bed. Remember I didn’t wash the bed linens so armchair bed it is. Oil nasal passages to combat dry air, grab weighted blanket, and lights out.
1am - Meditation app and hopefully out.
Total = $0
Tuesday
3:40am - Why am I awake now? Whatever, not getting up. Lay in bed deep breathing, drift back to sleep.
6:30am - Slept through study alarm, oh well. Put on tea kettle.
6:45am - Don’t feel like a mini study session so handle personal admin tasks instead, sip tea.
7:15am - Prep for work.
7:30am - In the car, singing along to pop top 40. Notice the new commute route is shorter now that the roadwork is complete and I’m a little closer to work.
7:45am - Early to work, eat cottage cheese and nut bar while reviewing emails.
8am - Work day begins. Finish emails, begin patient prep.
8:30am - Patients.
10am - Super boring meeting left me cranky.
10:45am - Put on headphones to tune out loud colleagues. Attempt to drown myself in redoing paperwork the lateral move supervisor rejected.
12:15pm - Treated to lunch by the psychologists. Just learned they always eat together at this place. Food is ok, conversation is complaints about their partners, parenting challenges, and who’s attending what upcoming family friendly activity. I’m mostly just nodding and smiling. Notice that they’re again much more formally dressed than we’re required to be. I guess that’s their usual, but I’m not buying a fancier work wardrobe. Complete mental math on how much daily lunches at this place would cost me, nope. Cranky is quickly shifting to pissy.
1:15pm - Back to headphones and redoing that paperwork.
2:30pm - More patients.
4:30pm - Final email check, wrap up.
5pm - Head home, not enjoying pop top 40. Definitely pissy.
5:15pm - Change into comfy clothes, make a cheese omelet. I was so busy trying not to do anything weird at lunch I didn’t eat much. Pack tomorrows lunch while it cools.
5:30pm - Nosh on my omelet, watch cartoons.
6:30pm - Mood not improved. Head to the movies.
6:45pm - Ticket and nachos, seated in time for the previews ($12.50). Anyone But You certainly triggered all the feels.
8:45pm - Driving home in a daze thinking about how much I still hope for a meet cute followed by a romance filled courtship. Time just keeps passing, I just feel older and grosser, and there’s always more frogs so I guess not. Shudder remembering the mirror incident. Definitely not.
9pm - Home. Start work clothes in the washer, change for bed.
9:15pm - Curl up with that Hallmark mystery I fell asleep on yesterday. When did I become the chick sitting at home alone falling asleep on movies?
10:30pm - Load the dryer, grab a nut bar, return to the mystery.
11:30pm - Tired, shut off the tv, curl up in the armchair under my weighted blanket to read before sleep. Still didn’t wash those bed linens.
Total = $12.50
Wednesday
4:45am - Awake before the alarm, lay quietly with my thoughts.
5:10am - Turn off alarm, get up, put on tea kettle.
5:30am - Study, sip tea.
6:30am - I’ve studied enough. Meditate and journal.
7am - Prep for work. Notice the shirt is smaller than last time I wore it. Annoyed and toss it in the donate pile. Different shirt is the same size and style, fits fine. Glare at the covered mirror doors.
7:30am - Head to work. No good tunes on the radio.
7:50am - Early to work, eat cottage cheese and a nut bar while reviewing work emails.
8am - Work day begins with paperwork.
10am - Patients.
Noon - Psychologists miffed that I declined to join them for lunch, but I don’t care. Veggie soup, watching The Financial Diet videos.
1pm - Patients.
2pm - Another boring meeting.
3pm - Impromptu meeting with supervisor. Apparently I need to try harder to fit in so the psychologists are comfortable working with me. There’s no patient-related concerns, but the psychologists think I’m rude for not sharing more about my personal life. Really? They know I’m taking a class, cook, and watch tv. There isn’t much else to tell.
3:30pm - Pissy, resume paperwork.
5pm - Work is over, still pissy.
5:15pm - Home, put stuff away, pack lunch for tomorrow, and take out trash. Pull out brie to soften, fix a sparkling pomegranate juice and park myself in front of another Hallmark mystery.
6:15pm - Order stuff for dad ($43.96).
6:45pm - Reach out to a pal for updates on their job search.
7:30pm - Yep still pissy. Switch to Good Trouble while noshing brie and crackers.
8:15pm - Still pissy, now my stomach hurts. Ok so I shouldn’t have eaten the entire wheel of brie. Call a gal pal.
10:15pm - Way less pissy after getting her perspective.
11pm - Tired, turn off the tv to read before sleep. Another armchair night under my weighted blanket because clearly I’m never washing the bed linens.
Total = $43.96
Thursday
2:45am - Woke up hungry, irritable, and with a slight headache. Light stretching and read to induce sleep.
5:10am - That didn’t work. Turn off alarm, get up to shower. Manually tighten the nozzle per maintenances suggestion and that works. Reflect on the lateral move and my professional development goals broadly. Wonder how I’m advancing yet feel like I’m not getting anywhere. Ponder the pro’s and con’s of my current role, the lateral move, and leaving. Well I’m not solving anything getting pruny. Exit shower. Dry off and appalled at how hairy my armpits are. Of course I’m out of razors. *sigh* Glare at those covered mirror doors.
6am - Put on tea kettle. Remember I have a training today, *sigh* Add coconut milk for a tea latte.
6:15am - I should study, but I don’t feel like it. I have class later and enjoy the professor. Sit and sip my latte while browsing job ads, nothing good. Still have that headache.
7am - *sigh* get ready for work.
7:30am - Hit the road, no good tunes on the radio. *sigh*
7:45am - Early, check emails, and dash to the training with cottage cheese in hand.
10am - Super bored, still have a headache. Maybe I won’t like this role.
Noon - I’m pretty sure boredom kills brain cells, thankfully the training is over. The psychologists don’t hide their disappointment when I decline to join them for lunch stating dining out daily isn’t in my budget. Well they’re farther in their careers, make more money than I do, and have employed partners. Veggie soup, watching The Financial Diet videos.
1pm - Staff meeting. Psychologists share their plan for the diversity project and it’s clear they’re having challenges. Director and supervisor unhappy.
2pm - Paperwork and emails.
4:30pm - I just can’t anymore, my headache is worse, and I’m way too bored. Pack up and go.
4:45pm - Home. Dammit I forgot to stop for razors. Have cheese and a nut bar with seltzer water.
5pm - Try to unwind with a sitcom. Not working. Switch to The Good Doctor, then The Rookie, headache finally getting better.
7pm - Class.
8pm - Class over, starving. Walk to get fast food meal.
8:15pm - Curl up watching sitcoms, noshing on a fish sandwich and fries ($10.58). Have more seltzer water.
10pm - Headache mostly gone, but take some headache medicine just in case. Snuggle under the weighted blanket in my armchair to read.
Midnight - Lights out.
Total = $10.58
Friday
5:10am - Wake up to the alarm, deep breathing and light stretching, put on tea kettle. I’m not tired, just flat out don’t feel like going anywhere. Still feeling old and gross.
5:45am - Study, sip tea.
7am - Prep for work. Glare at those covered mirror doors.
7:30am - Hit the road, try to get into the radio to distract from how much I don’t feel like going to work. Didn’t help.
7:45am - Early, eat cottage cheese and a nut bar while reviewing emails.
8am - Work day begins, prep for patients.
8:30am - Patients.
10:30am - Several super boring meetings. I didn’t realize this role would have so many meetings.
Noon - The psychologists again miffed I decline to join them for lunch citing my budget. Veggie soup, watching The Financial Diet videos.
1pm - Redo paperwork the supervisor rejected.
3pm - Patients.
4pm - More boring meetings.
5pm - Head home. Stop at drug store for razors. Catch a glimpse of my face in the cosmetic department mirror. Has my skin always been so uneven? So dull? So rough looking? Pissy and snatch some razors off the shelf, check out ($6.41).
5:30pm - Home, pissy, and starving. Nosh on a roast beef sandwich, sparkling pomegranate juice and return phone calls. Irritated over the unhelpful customer service reps and munch on more terrible almond brownies.
6pm - Attempt to zone out with reality tv.
7:30pm - Phone call to dad, his package arrived. It’s nice to hear his good mood.
8pm - Back to trying to zone out, this time with a random comedy.
10pm - Not sure when I fell asleep. Wide awake now. Get sucked in to Dirty Dancing 2. Wishing I’d paid more attention in history class all those years ago. Eat the last of those terrible almond brownies.
11:45pm - Curl up in the armchair under my weighted blanket and switch to cartoons.
1am - Lights out.
Total = $6.41
Saturday
6:30am - Awake, lay in bed with my thoughts. I feel refreshed with no desire to do anything.
7am - Put tea kettle on, open the blinds to enjoy the sunshine, and wander about pondering what to do today. Pull out a pear and some cheese so they’re room temperature by the time I’m hungry.
7:45am - Curl up with tea and a Hallmark romance.
8:45am - Sucked into the romance, noshing, and feeling sad over the dismal state of my own love life. Wonder again what it says about me that not once have I been invited to a wedding let alone considered for bridesmaid duties despite always having close female friends. Now nearly everyone is settled or happily divorced but me so I’m probably too old to be a bridesmaid. It feels like I’m too old for most things these days.
10am - Another Hallmark romance since I still don’t feel like doing anything.
Noon - Starving, pull out that fondue set I never use.
12:30pm - Put on the BlackBerry movie while noshing fondue and sparkling pomegranate juice.
2:30pm - Switch to a crime drama. Still don’t feel like doing anything.
4pm - Still lazying about, switch to a random comedy.
6pm - Ok clearly I’m not meant to be productive today. Switch to reality tv while sipping sparkling pomegranate juice and browsing activities for my summer vacation.
8:30pm - Another Hallmark romance.
10pm - Sucked into the romance, noshing on cheese and crackers.
11pm - Switch to a random comedy.
2am - Lights out.
Total =$0
Tally:
Food + Drink = $197.27
Fun / Entertainment = $12.50
Home + Health = $0
Clothes + Beauty = $6.41
Transport = $30
Other = $43.96
Reflection
Spending for this week wasn’t strange, but was unusual for the month. I hope things settle next month to create a sense of what will usually be leftover. Watching finance videos has been helpful and will continue. It’s too early to say if I prefer the lateral move to my current role and am aware that I may not like either. I’m also not sure if the lateral move is a good idea long term or if maybe I should be considering it a short term move and leave the hospital entirely. I also don’t love that I spend so much time at home but there are few options as the cold limits free activities and I’m trying not to add an expensive activity. Been there done that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xGBI22TVfo
aretha is at pluto's house with a reality burp in her throat. pluto's house screeches loud green life with crooked climbable dr seuss trees and exploding groundcover. aretha is a crazy chick cat doll balled in charms with slick hat and harming all hearts with sharpened stares. she's native and asian indian blending in spirit frogs with three eye vision. she's in torn jeans and rich bandanna. she yells things like, "let's dig it," and digs a well to fish for smells that swell her cheeks to rosy puffs. she's had enough of this artificial stuff! she's an earthy girl worth all the soil neath concrete. such a sweet delight that on our feet tonight we'll see her light up the stage, in a blaze of blessed peace. she's on a maroon couch, entranced by an orange lava lap, eating a dagoba chocolate bar. she's talking to pluto in a sing song flute like soft daisy meadow hill voice, "we need more chocolate." pluto is a crazy kid of the now who weds soma and agni in a tao of feeling high to climb the ceiling of his mind. he's a hardcore sensualist with a tattoo of gonzo two-thumbed fist. he resists the plight to honor and basks in body. he's got a straight jaw bone made of stone and potent ethereal stare. he is the reincarnation of a greek statue with long curly hair. he responds, "ok, let's get some chocolate." she hugs him with a hug more powerful than kundalini. he smiles warmer than the mayan sun.
they exit that stage to search for chocolate. aretha and pluto drive sixty miles an hour in a cardboard box in the cool shadow of a blue translucent merican flag. they ride high through the beams of the freeway flashes, dash neath the jewels of city block bracelet, turn on chocolate street with hard baked smiles but then they meet an enemy in style-
red, white, blue, beaming lights shine bright headache. whooping whirl hiss siren blind their sight, and pierce shrieks through fearful ear drum hollow. a lost brother in the senses wearing authority black and gun marches up to their car and parks a load full of frowns through their frightened eyes. the cop starts talking, "ya'll are too beautiful for this road. the system structure is being blown away. i demand you buy more things. stop your questioning and wrecking away of our concrete dream. you remind me of bliss lost when i was a kid so take this ticket and decide to confine within our lines."
while in the back the chocolate crisp bits cringled through foil as coldness blew toil from crack in window. they shivered in limbo keeping sliver paper wrappings as scarves from lapping thoughts of cop and wind forlorn. they rescind inside to warn their beauty scars of barking shots of hostility. oh wail! wail! wail! the world is full of ugly bullies with guns n’ pens, talk n’ friends! hide! hide! hide your beauty scars for stars don’t glisten in sinful men. they huddled on cushion pushing a plan to muddle to safety. to safety outside, to safety in the hopes of death- one giant leap to bleep out breath and fall! crash! void! anything but to work for king in dish pit or cubicle and radical wish pit of grave saves their endorphin mission. they trudged with noble ambition doubtful of grace, slow, and sad to windblown mad whistling up the doorway. a tribe of lemming gypsy chocolates caught in capitalist wilderness. returning to death and mother earth and another birth in silent pastures. they reach the breach of the door mountain. a stubborn child screams when the wild wind streams his milky skin. his mom cuddles him in her arms, cries to silent god sky, crashes her eye shut, rewinds her life, pauses on christmas with kid, steps out slowly and falls down down down. oh the hues of loud agony staggering in blue shroud trembling twilight! lover's last kiss- a frantic fast bliss- then step out slowly and fall down down down. father’s handshake- an antic damned quake- then step out slowly and fall down down down. oh, the tomb’s silent town’s clown pounds violent gloom! one by one they left the senses.
just then, the festering fluorescent sun rises in west and the pestering cop stop his talk. like a poor fly who soars to traps and dies, he ‘mediately flees his rap and runs full fledged and fast, to the bless this new guest. aretha and pluto laugh and ride away.
aretha says to pluto, "let’s steal some streamers with our paper moon new scam." pluto says, "ok, let’s steal some streamers and drape a statue grand. they sideways hug then aretha lugs the crapped out car to stamped out suburbs. pluto says, "i need to be bug eyed and wonder like a thug riding thunder for this dangerous mission. give me some codeine. give me some wine. let ‘em drugs glow me fine!" pluto gobbles and gulps the planned stash in back and adds an ambien or two just for good luck. aretha pulls up to the entrance as his oily thoughts start to stir. with business-like conviction, she purrs, "i love you but don’t suck." pluto mumbles, "ahhh fuck..." he stumbles in alone. aretha parks the car and gets stoned.
he’s walk meditating deep and high down aisle nine. bubbling up with angst fix down aisle six. molding a glorious grin down aisle seven. feels like a father of changeling elves down aisle twelve. trips on his spleen and aisle thirteen and is seen by mean japanese tourist who clicks high beam camera and hisses, "hippie!" now’s he’s conspiring with prisoner fruits in glass jelly jars, telling them to hold tight and everything will be all right. he rescues a hansom kidnapped plum paying no ransom. he sits indian style and watches squares take box dinners from rectangular prisms to be bought with rectangle money for cube house to be eaten in front of cube tube. he's laughing hysterical and rapping lyrical boos loud and proud till he recalls his mission and gets back on the ball to reason. he walks coolly to the art aisle, imparting a smile on a nine dollar box of sharpies. as he hogs it in his denim pocket he explains to an eighty year old weary cold grandmother witness, "the god of art has made pens the easiest thing to steal!" she shrugs and shrivels. he gives her a little hug. then, out he goes through the door, eating a plum and humming a chord.
when he gets to the car, aretha’s far in a deep sob. "why so sour my cactus flower?" he asks. "im beat cause the chocolates all committed suicide. now there ain’t nothing to eat!" "ah, don’t be like that. that ain’t where our game’s at. now listen close babe, most in this town, wall mart town, are razorblade spies, eyes blazed for hate- you gotta keep close careful call on the japs, WO man, and they got security guards with hardened brows- puritanical proud beasts with growling guns- hundreds of em" "you gotta know your song before you start singing. you are to return these sharpies and get streamers- radical crashertaspict mad rad glowing flowing ghost streamers! keep careful call on the japs, WO man and they got digitalized eyes all ‘em robot machine money takin’ worn and beat people (like foosball nutcrackers controlled far off by greedy secret people). you gotta take three types of identification in case of mistake in your name. get your story straight- you’re suburb princess with gift from ‘ma but you’re not enthralled with artsy crap. you bought ‘em for pa’ but he’s been caught by the law. a sharpie stalks your dreams and blots your brain. they're broken, dry, and useless. babe, you gotta improv this shit. feel the vibe to deal the best lie to each and every player- the security guard, the items return specialist, the gift card dispenser assistant, the always rambling direction posts, big brother’s trillion eye tentacle, the cashier, and of coarse the bagger! it ain’t easy but not maximum hard, you just gotta play your part." aretha breathes an inside nervous fervent cry- then puts humid heat on trembling thumbs. she gazes into movie made mind haze collage of prison, reenacts her favorite martyr face and marches away to wall mart. pluto then turns up the tunes and lets our a fart.
she's dwarfed by security orf of course then shivers in man made air. the return booth white glow gives her goosebumps and lump in throat and buzzing tooth. she creeps foot by foot deep in thought flashing books of lies and lies. "keep it cool these street scams’re my only school for the big day at pete’s gate!" she murmurs to herself. she's brainstorming excuses for pluto if and when she cuts and bails. each scan beep and cart scuff storm her sonic plane with distinct compartmental wails. a counter and a stranger suddenly appear, pulsing slow waves of fear. she's at the principle’s desk, at the host stand, concession booth, dps, box office, dentist’s co pay counter, judge’s stand. she's at all those places where uniforms and rags meet. where work and play time twist and flirt. a haggard burp lurks into her ear, "can i help you?" ah shit, this is it, use your wit to lay down a lie! no going back, make bold your first attack. "yes i, uh, need to, er, return these sharpies…" the wall mart freak’s lizard brain reaches out, claims the no good pens, scans them quick, throws them back, grabs and gives a gift card and barks, "next!" monotonous. mechanical. machine. ha ha! aretha feels the wisps of imaginary handcuffs, then realizes reality and laughs laughs. she's careless kid and opal queen voyaging through aisle fifteen. bouncy balls. juggling pins. water guns. chocolates and streamers! "oh my yee haw giddy centric parade!" she chirps then twirls twice. at the sight of the streamers she blushes pinker and brighter with worldswell burning on her hilltop cheekbone.
she cuddles a nine dollar estimate in her arms but a voice in her hard heart hollers, "pluto’ll be dragged down by such simplicity. make it magnificent. make it extravagant. make it an opera to see! with such heart string inner ring tremors, she madly stashes in her shirt the entire set of streamers and alerts every employee with hoot howl and dashes fast past every employee with cute prowl and crashes through the fire door and soars higher evermore as the fire bell rings rings rings and cries a blood throat sting. aretha tumbles down and runs like a bull clown, busting decoy streamers that start flying around. the security guard puffs his cig, runs three paces, huffs, and quits. the manager laughs. the direction posts divert their eyes and scatter like ants following schizophrenic arrows. all apathetic ‘cept the one half wit east texas baptist bagger who storms outside and shouts. "god have mercy on thee soul! thou shall not steal, argh, thou shall not steal." the manager tells him to calm down.
pluto’s half dozed to nick drake and window fog breath and dreary dark blue brick breeze on gleaming hood. the sky is blackberry. the building is blueberry. his tongue is strawberry and he’s in eden again. he's melting into windborne textures of taste when #flash# a small sun explodes from blueberry and sirens shine the solar’s sonic rays. his darling aretha is in crazed poise fixture. he's duped out of his daze, drunk with vision, flapping his arms, tapping his brains, pumped with barn yard adrenalin. the hog in him now wills his mission- jump’s to driver’s shotgun edge, calls back to alarm with ignition roar, squeals his tire round a soccer mom, skids into park, kicks open the door. aretha jumps inside and they ride off with streamers scattered on floor.
​
​

(Forewarnign to my fellow Canadian citzen, and all wannabe immigrants to Canada).
I have basically FORCED TO quit working for Canada Post few years ago, thanks to corrupt Canadian government.
Below are some experienced (~3 years) tips for delivery agents, feel free to heed or ignore it. Just note on some really heavy volume days (eg over 6+ sets of big flyers, or gov bills ¬ices/Costco&CAA mags going to every single POC/point of call plus 50+ big parcels to deliver), it can take upwards of 11 hours with no breaks to fully deliver on some full routes. And some management are too stingy to pay for overtime, or afterwards have some of your pay stolen back by Ottawa head office via "overpayment recovery".

• For RTS sequenced mail, use pen to scratch out the back orange/black barcode, especially if it keeps going back in circles to your delivery SLB bin again-and-again. This back barcode also contains date timestamp information. Canada Post's automatic sequeced mail filtering system is very flawed and often makes mistakes.
• Do not bother pushing mail all the way in for any door mailslots, especailly those old hingy stuck slots. There might be dogs waiting to bite your fingers behind the slots, and there are lots of such injury cases in the past. Personal safety is more important, and you can get union reps to back you up on that.
• Some mailboxes is too small for oversize mail to fit, have to fold it upon delivery or card the item to RPO. If the resident complains about the folding, ask the supervisor to talk to have customer to get a bigger mailbox, or force unreasonable customers to pickup directly from depot.
• Always ask for extra batteries and/or PDT car charger from your supervisor Canada Post Corporation is too cheap to upgrade its old PDT system from the 1990's Blackberry / Zebra system, many older PDT batteries drains very quickly& dies while delivering on route. Meanwhile I had observed CanpaFedex already uses more modern tablets for their tracking system.
• Area preformance centre phone number is the "emergency contact" numbers for personnel. It is probably 1-800-387-0737, not sure if national, so ask your supervisors about this before doing late shifts. This was not covered in any of inital 12day classroom nor driver jobshadow trainings ; I only learned this from a depot manager in the aftermath of a very late (~7pm) not-at-fault vehicle breakdown when all the supervisors have gone home and non-responsive.
• Packets, Parcels and large envelopes with tracking barcodes are higher valued priority items, so these are priortized for delivery, or carded to RPO. Never carelessly discard these or steal these (unlike junkmails), otherwise it could easily lead to criminal investigation by "postal investigators" and charges, considering all the tracking system in place.
• Collating flyers usually 1~2 hours for next color-of-the-day, "set treshold" depends on personal preferences. For me, I could deliver up to 4 sets of 50+ peices of smaller flyers in satchel without collating; more than that I find it faster to deliver after collating. I never collate flyers for mass mailrooms or panel boxes, for me it was faster to distribute them in all slots horizontally/vertically, one set at a time.
• House mailboxes usually near front door, but some on side door (more common for corner houses), some uses non-obvious old milkbox frames ..etc., so familiarizing with the whole route takes many days.
• Parcel Locker keys can get stuck near the front, push all of them in. Report to supervisors for any apartment with broken or frequent missing parcel locker keys.
• For walkwthru apartment with no central mailboxes nor mailroom on ground floor, take elevator to top floor, and take stairs down, carrying all small packets and mail in satchel, because waiting for elevators for every single floor takes too long. May need to take multiple trips from truck to elevator (eg. every 3 floors) for heavy parcels/flyers days. If too much workload, card all big/heavy parcels for the walkthru apts before leaving depot. Parcel lockers does not work well without being paired to central mailbox/panels.
• For any disciplinary formal interviews from supervisors, you must contact local union rep within 24 hours. Punishment from management are like: 1 day suspension, 3 day suspension, 5 day suspension, then dismissal; Except in case of criminal charges, which leads to immediate dismissal and possible costly criminal court fight. Often times union rep will fight hard, such as grieving every case towards arbitration. If your union rep does not fight hard to protect you, maybe too cozy with management, then you have the right to complain to your local union president, including discussing whether your CUPW union monthly dues of ~$98 is wasteful.
• Transition from relief to full time letter carrier is not automatic, you have to fill out a paper application and mail it out to central office. Speak with your local union rep in your depot after your first 90 days probation to learn more. For me I had to wait around 6 months after I first filled application before they offered me full time, jumping between GTA Metro East and West.
• 2 years ago my inital hourly pay was around $21.80; The last hourly rate before I quit was around $24.40. Feel free to ask your union rep about automatic pay increases.
• Coping with heavy volume days(eg. Monday or holiday mass-shopping periods): it depends on depot location; some head management are happy to give overtime, others rather you leave extra un-derlivable workload for next couple of (hopefully lighter) days or other reliefs. The downside with leaving extra load behind too often is risk having "prefromance review" followed by punishments from management. So speak to your supervisor to get the gist whether your depot management is reasonable or not.
  
• Shady "workaround" tips for workers struggling with large workload AND unreasonable management (heed at your own risk): ** At some depots, I often see extra sets of flyers or un-derlievered lettermails thrown into outbound SLB boxes at the depot. No one can be sure whether its done by workers or customers. Blame it on cheapskate management for paying delivery workers paltry 1.5 cents per piece of flyer. ** I have also seen lots of heavy & huge U-line ad-books with thrown directly into both outbound SLB and RTS mail bins, both before leaving and after coming back to depot. It would take too much investigation efforts to find out exactly who orignally "RTS" on all of them. ** Several homeowners on my previous assigned routes had specifically ask me to not deliver flyers & admail to them, and some might even thank you for omitting them, even though their mailbox does not have "no flyers" sign on it. Thus junkmails are of less worth to society compared to other types of mail, while creating more trash. ** I was told that Official flyers percentage delivery stats are survey-based from confidential volunteer households. On-street flyers investigation done by supervisors is to pick random 100 houses from a street, and check the mailboxes for flyers for that day, and ask households about flyers for non-retrievable mailslots on door or wall. Therefore, it is safer bet to skip flyers for mostly non-retrievable mailslots (especially those with lots of stairs or long driveway walks), as supervisor won't have time, or it would be too much hassle to ask every single house on the street just to check flyers. ** Any mail with no "From" address, and printed To-address (especially with no specific To-names) can safely be NOT delivered and "personally trashed". These are mass-marketing admails (usually unwanted), so you cannot even "RTS" them. But I try to limit this action only on heavy volume days, and only to high-effort delivery points (eg. house mailbox with lots of stairs or long driveway, or walkthru apartment), and only during days with no other important mail or barcoded items to deliver to it. I have "personally trashed" more than 100 times over 2 years, and I have never received any complaints or disciplinary interviews & investigations about it. ** For "personally trash" on junk mails, safer bet to throw it at places with no public surveillance camera around (eg. park or empty-busstops trashcans), while wearing hoodies/masks/disguises, but not wearing company uniform. Personal apartment trash/recyling bins or your trusted friends' houses might be good secondary options. ** Apartment mailrooms / mass mail-panels are easiest type of delivery but easiest type to check, so do not skip out any junkmail/flyers or anything else on these (except for the slots that are full), as supervisors and postal investigators can easily check them anytime. Don't put any flyers non-labelled edge-end slots to reduce waste. ** For walk-thru apartment, for few times I have also skipped delivering junkmails to all floors above the bottom 2 floors, but only during heavy volume days. And throughout 2 years and never gotten any investigation or complaints about it. ** Corporate gas card can be a FIRING TRAP, best to follow your supervisor instructions strictly, otherwise it could lead to immediate dissimisal and criminal charges, depending on alleged dollar amount. Absolutely nothing about gas cards was covered in my initial 12day inital classroom training in 2020. And the driver jobshadow training only taught me about the card pin number, and nothing about the offical its usage policies. In 2020~2021 working as relief driver in GTA I noticed gas card binders left out on top of tables or drawers, not in locked cabinets. And cards are often missing, even for walks I have assigned to for whole day. No doubt many workers may have use it for "personal use" (up to $300 daily limit, some possibly using jerry tanks for their own car). Understable due to insanely high gas prices - no thanks to the greedy Federal Government in bed with greedy big gasoline corporations to steal as much money as possible from workers and poor citizens alike. But the times of generosity are over; the time for stricter cruelty and labour abuses have begun, with more active "Postal investigators". ** Hiding mail: it is possible to safely hide & delay small amount of mail in your personal vehicle or home, outside of depot cameras' range. Offical way is to bring back mail to depot's end-of-aisle cart, so only hide it as last resort and if frequently overloaded with unreasonable supervisors threaten with preformance reviews. Main focus is that must-finish delivery of 1/3rd "color of the day" with flyers portion every day, so best to hide only the off-colors for no more than 2 days, and watch out for datestamp on back orange printed barcode of each lettermail. Getting caught by supervisor for hiding mail results in "major inicident" formal interview. 2 major incidents per year results in immdiate suspension.
  

Anyone know of good software (Mac, Win11, Linux) that can download data from Blackberry Pearls?
I have 3, and no working batteries, so I cannot use BT.
The computers detect the phones on USB if I plug them in, but no drivers for data transfer.
Anyone know of the pinouts to fake a battery? Or a bypass, maybe holding buttons while USB powered?
I have batteries I could hook up, if I knew what the extra pins were looking for.
There's just no info anywhere on the net that I can find.
They won't work off of USB when plugged it without a battery.
If there's a signal I can send to the extra pins, that would be helpful to know.
I have only one bad battery that was swollen up, so I'm trying to dissect it now, to see if I can tell what the pins do.
I have heard it's a chip in the battery, so maybe I can hook it up from the dead battery using an 18650? Unless it blew something out. Yes, it had the red dash.
​

So my Tesla is in the body shop from being struck by a drunk driver and I've been borrowing my kid's brand new ID.4 a lot.
Here's my feedback.
Man, the ID.4 is kind of a mediocre car for the sticker price.
The one he got has a sticker of $52k and is way worse than a base level Model Y in pretty much every way.
I can't find anything I prefer about it having driven it a few times. It's slower, the dash is pretty awful, the seats are mediocre cloth, the seat heaters even suck. It doesn't handle particularly well (at least not compared to various Teslas I've driven). I won't even go into the mess that EA charging is. Literally every charging stop I've ever made in the car has been 10-15 minutes of dicking with broken chargers, switch spots, plug in, get "vehicle communication error", try again, tap NFC card, "session timed out", wait before I can unplug (because the CCS port locks for 2 minutes), then try again before it finally works. Sometimes after waiting "in line" for 15 minutes.
Even the mobile app is $200/yr to use and does very close to nothing (you can turn on climate control in its previous setting, but not modify anything, you can't remotely set charge levels, you can't even see the range.
It's basically a "remote start button" and it's expensive as hell.
The TACC works well enough, but the "lane keep" dives for the shoulder everytime the lines fade a little and just disables itself with the slightest sense of moisture. It's supposed to change lanes, but he's never gotten that to work in a month of owning it.
The dash nav is beyond awful. It popped up "you need a charge, select the nearest chargers" and gave a list of EA chargers. I hit "route to charger" and it pulled up a map.
Followed it and found it it drove me to city hall. Tried a different charger and saw the route was the same. It wasn't driving to the charger, it was driving to the default pin for the CITY the charger was in. Seriously? Yikes. Not sure if that was an issue with my local chargers, or just so few people use the onboard mapping that it is just broken. But the interface is worse than my 2011 BMW was.
Got to the charger and it started at about 30kw. I suspect because the car doesn't EVEN HAVE pre-heating for the battery. I think the heater exists, but VW has said for years "we will add that feature later" and just hasn't.
Despite the dash being such low-functionality, he's said it's completely crashed 3-4 times in the month he owned it, require a kind of weird reboot sequence in order to do something like start charging.
Climate control isn't on the screen, but is on some barely-functional capacitive buttons on the dash. They are hard to use, you can't see the text on them from a normal seating position so... they have all the negatives of a touch screen (and then some) with NONE of the positives of physical buttons. They don't light up at night, so changing climate control at night is only really possible on the buggy, slow touch screen anyway.
Speaking of driving, the regen is too weak. It kinda/sorta has a one-pedal driving feature (that doesn't work all the way to stop) in a specific "drive" setting, but regen isn't strong enough to stop at most intersections without using the brake, and without battery heating in winter, regen almost never gets to full anyway because the battery is always cold.
The pedal response is just weird where almost zero regen in the first 10% of pedal movement and then all of it crammed into the next 5% making it really hard to feather. The throttle response is also weird because as soon as you pass the regen, it has a very loose response, followed by a really strong jump in power about halfway down. Changing driving modes seems to just move that "touchy" part of the throttle around, but doesn't change it. I guess you can get used to weird pedal mappings.
That said, in "one pedal" (B) mode the brake doesn't do anything until you depress it quite a lot. I think that's slack space it uses to sense regen for non-one-pedal modes, but it makes driving it in 1 pedal mode very weird and in emergencies the brake eels VERY soft. In my old ICE car, my mechanic would have called that much delay in the braking action "dangerous" in my opinion, but I guess it's normal for that car.
The "Lane keep assist" safety feature sense every single time a lane gets wider (for example a new lane, or turn lane or exit lane is gradually opening up) and YANKS that steering wheel toward that new lane (I guess, trying to center in the now "bigger" lane). This isn't while on autopilot/lane keep, this is just the "passive" safety feature. We tried to turn it off, but it won't stay turned off, and the menu system to turn it off is CRYPTIC and awful. We had to look up how to do it multiple times because you can't find these options from just casual browsing menus.
It has less storage than my Tesla and the storage area is this sort of raised platform above the level of the bumper. I'm guessing they put some drivetrain stuff there, so they had to raise up the floor? It's annoying to use for cargo anyway, and the "raised area" can't really accommodate a rubber floor mat. My dogs were unable to lie down and it's really just not ok for having dogs in the back (or anything that needs to lie flat). I don't see that in pictures of other ID.4 models, so maybe it's new or an option or something? Maybe the thing is removable, that would be nice... I'll have to go check.
That said, after using it frequently for a few weeks, I can't imagine owning one. My kid got it or $320/mo (lease) with free charging and any maintenance, so I can't bitch, that's cheaper than his 100k mile Jetta was before this (not even counting all the maintenance that car needed). So as a "cheaper than an old beat up economy car" arrangement, it's just fine for him.
As far as EVs, my experience with a Chevy Bolt was more positive and I'm not sure I'd want one of those either due to charging issues and general quality. The biggest difference is the ID.4 CAN charge a bit faster, but in practice during winter it DOESN'T ACTUALLY charge faster than a Bolt (see heating issues above).
And the Bolt's internal software is at least moderately functional (and so is the app), and it doesn't drive like a poorly coded video game.
Hyundai/Kia/Rivian/Tesla have figured out EVs far better than VW or Toyota or similar.
​
I saw this review online when I was digging around to see if his buggy dash was normal and I figure it captures the essence of it:

Where the Polestar 2 was iPhone-like, The ID.4 was more akin to my brother’s old Blackberry Storm, from 2009. Remember that phone? It was an early attempt at touchscreen cellphones, but the whole screen depressed like a button. On the surface, that sounds cool, until you learn that each button press can only register one keystroke, rendering speed typing or multitasking on the Blackberry Storm, a deliberate, and slow process. And that’s how the ID.4’s infotainment, steering wheel controls, window switches, and HVAC controls are; VW’s unwisely made every keypress a dim-witted touch capacitive button, that are both not sensitive and hypersensitive. Steering wheel volume and cruise control presses sometimes don’t register, or maybe they register too much. It’s really the luck of the draw.
The infotainment screen was prone to freezing, and the menus themselves weren’t easy to parse out on the move. Each menu looked different, but not different enough to quickly disseminate what the hell you were looking at while driving. Luckily, the ID.4 has Apple Carplay, which covers a lot of sins with respect to the radio, but the HVAC controls are also touch-capacitive. Navigating away from Apple CarPlay, and into the HVAC and charging menus was a buggy, slow, mess, filled with unnecessary (and slow) animations of a moving ID.4. Oh, and for some reason, Volkswagen didn’t feel like illuminating the HVAC hotkeys at night. Good luck.
Other driver ancillary functions weren’t easy to parse out on the move, either. The touchpad for the lights is cryptic. The window switches require a press on the “rear” button to operate. Like the infotainment screen, that little “rear” button might not register your button press. Generally, I don’t like lane-keep assist, but the option to turn it off, is buried in a cryptic menu, and the car refuses to remember your selection after you turn the vehicle off. Each time I wanted to drive the ID.4 and not be annoyed, it would take me a solid thirty seconds on the side of the road, scrolling around menus in a shitty system, searching for “turn off lane keep assist” switch. The user experience is so bad, I completely understand why a potential buyer would about-face, and run out of the Volkswagen dealership, screaming.

​

August 1957
Following the success of South Georgia development, the minor development of Signey Island, and the Temporary establishment of a station at Clarence Island Further attempts are to be made for the region, with a particular focus on Getting Clarence Island to being operational year-round and seeing if Signey island can be further developed where left off from last attempt, as well movement to coronation island will be commenced this go round.
South Georgia a land of opportunity:
Development of Moltke Harbour
Concerns were raised that Leith Harbor having been overtaken by the HMS Orca may cause concern for the whalers in the area and to alleviate this Moltke Habour previously established and occasionally maintained will be developed in the Royal Bay, the British government will offer minor concessions to the Whalers to encourage them to relocate there as well as a sum of 275,000 will be allocated to the additional development of the Harbour to make it capable of harboring any whaling vessels.
Facilities will also be built there for whaling vessel resupply and for the sailors to dock and live there while they are not out at sea.
Seal hunting?
The British government's to find economic activity in the Antarctic region has encouraged fashion designers and clothes makers in London to put out a call for Seal leather from the Antarctic region, this is to encourage the discontent whalers to have a secondary side gig they can utilize if they so choose or to encourage people from throughout the empire to make home in South Georgia’s new Moltke Harbour which is to hopefully become the economic heart of the South Georgia economy.
Further Development of Ocean Harbour Supply station
Ocean Harbour supply station already having been established is to be moderately expanded with its population size grown from 35 in the winter to 50 in the winter and from 75 in the summer to 90 in the summer, this is to facilitate the plans for attempts at agriculture on the isle of South Georgia. All facilities on the ocean harbor supply station are to be expanded to accommodate these individuals.
Agriculture and Domestication on the South Georgia Isle
If plans are to work out and the island is to become viable to live on long term South Georgia needs to achieve 2 primary goals, firstly the island must become food self-sufficient so in times of crisis where resupply may not be possible either due to war, bad weather or unforeseen, the island is capable of caring for itself. Secondly with the rest of the Antarctic islands possibly not being viable to self-sustain themselves South Georgia must see itself become a Breadbasket for the Antarctic territories, this is to be achieved in 5 methods.

1. Kerguluen Cabbage: This is a leafy green native to the island of Kerguluen which exists in a similar region to South Georgia, it's a great vegetable that is edible to humans and has important vitamins within it, this could serve as the primary crop of South Georgia offering the ability to stave away scurvy, Land will be cleared near Ocean Harbour to make a first year’s attempt to test the viability of growing it, farming equipment will be sent to South Georgia and so will experience botanists, farmers, and agricultural engineers. For this year only 3 acres will be cultivated as a test.
2. Greenhouse construction: a minor supplement to the Kerguluen cabbage will be the establishment of a Greenhouse at Ocean Harbour Supply station, here smaller fruits and vegetables not as adapted to the cold will be produced focusing on Blueberries, Raspberries, Tomatoes, Blackberries, and Potatoes. With experienced botanists to oversee the growth during the summer season and developing methods to have the greenhouse operate year-round, only a 1500-square-foot facility will be produced this year as a trial run.
3. Rabbit breeding, however, citizens of South Georgia cannot survive off cabbage and fruits alone and this is where meat will become vital, rabbits are an incredibly well-adapted cold-tolerant species, and so a test run of if rabbit breeding for meat and pelt would serve two purposes, One providing meat for citizens and Two creating a further rabbit pelt industry which could allow them to create coats and clothes for the cold or export these pelts abroad back to the empire. A pen will be constructed and experienced rabbit breeders and biologists will be sent down to monitor and have a trial run of this, 5 Satin Male rabbits and 15 Satin female rabbits will be sent to the region, an extremely hardy and cold-tolerant species with a good amount of meat. The goal is to make it so that the Rabbits do not need extreme considerations to be kept in the region so they will be kept in outside pens with small coops created that only have straw put into them, no additional heating provided as their thick pelts should keep them warm.
4. South Georgian Pin tail Domestication: South Georgia has a native species of Pintail duck to the island which also inhabits the antarctic territories in general, this species of Duck could serve as the perfect source of meat, eggs, and feathers for the region them capable of surviving off the natural plants, bugs, and fish and meat of the region it would be a perfect candidate for domestication, In this effort, a group of avian biologists will be sent to South Georgia to do the following 1. Hunt a group of 5 ducks to dissect and learn about them, 2. Observe the ducks in the wild to best simulate how they can be kept 3. Capture a group of 30 ducks, 10 males, and twenty females, using these ducks they’ll attempt to breed ⅓ under lab conditions and the other ⅔ using a semi-free ranging, with the wings of the ducks being clipped so they can’t fly off the goal is to get successful ducklings this year, future years we may shoot for simply duck eggs. This is also a test drive for domesticating and to see if the proof of concept can work out.
5. Fishing in the South Georgian waters: Patagonian toothfish are native to the southern sea, which could serve as a valuable source of protein for those living in the Antarctic territories thus a joint venture between marine biologists and expert fishermen experienced with the arctic sea will make a trip to the antarctic and attempt to see if fishing for Patagonian toothfish is viable in the region.

Airfield And helicopter landing Zone
Two construction attempts will also be undergone at South Georgia Island, number 1 An airfield for military aircraft will be built at HMS Orca and a helicopter landing zone at HMS Orca is to be built this is for military use only and is to not be utilized by civilians except in extreme circumstance or when approved of.
Elsewhere at Ocean Harbour Supply station, an emergency helicopter landing zone is to be constructed as there are future considerations to keep a helicopter here for emergencies.
Signey Island Construction and Coronation Island Survey
With the moderate success of the last development of Signey island, however not all goals were accomplished, this has lead the expedition to make a secondary attempt to accomplish last year’s goals, The crew for Signey island will be sent to South Georgia in August where they will stay to assist South Georgia’s development until Mid november at this point they will ready themselves to set off for the further development of Signey island, Whilst the island is a harsh one there are still some requirements that need to be accomplished.
The construction of a lighthouse will commence on Signey Island as the previous one failed, any foundational supports leftover from it will be utilized to try and build the new one whilst this time they’ll be reinforced and made better to avoid falling into the sea. The Signey Island Research Station having seen its port given some attention but not completed will also have further development of the Port undertaken, as well should the port be finished as was hoped for last time the Research station shall be given a 45-foot ship for them to navigate around signey island/coronation island with, this is to hopefully allow the British to have a better idea of the coast of the two islands for future missions to the region.
All facilities attempted to be updated and constructed last time will be attempted this time.
Coronation Island Survey
On the northern coast of Coronation island, a separate team of Surveyors will land there with the goal of sending a team of people to survey the land of the island and establish a summer station with a crew of 10 individuals in the summer that will then see all individuals return to Either signey station or South Georgia in the winter.
Clarence Island Military Outpost
December 1957
The expedition will set off from South Georgia Island so as to give them less of a distance needed to travel
With the Summer outpost of Clarence Island established and a Survey of the island accomplished there are now two goals for the island 1 is the further development of the Clarence Island military outpost into a small year-round outpost, and next will be the establishment of a summer outpost at the southern end of the island that will be staffed in the summer and in the winter will see its crew return to the northern outpost or back to south Georgia, both outposts are to be ran by the military and the northern outpost is to see a lighthouse constructed alongside its facilities being improved for year-round capability.
Also, a small coastal gun able to penetrate frigates and smaller vessels will be setup at the northern outpost as a warning to future Argentine expeditions to the region, that Clarence Island is distinctly British.

I have already made a post in the blackberry sub and I didnt get much info.My problem is that I want to run a blackberry for note taking and maybe a little mp3 playing I dont care about any other features but all the good old blackberries use old battery standards that I cant find current batteries for is there a way to modify the blackberry to take a modern battery (Like a small lipo) or to solder a usb cable to the pins so I can run a small power bank off the back?
I do want to keep this fairly cheap tho I was aiming for under 40$ for the project.
Edit: As for specifics around the exact blackberry I plan to use. I assumed it would be a similar process no matter which phone I chose, but I haven't completely made up my mind yet a couple of my main current options are the curve 8900 and curve 8350, which use the d-x1 and c-s2 batteries respectively.

A tingle crept down my spine after the doorbell went off. I was finishing getting ready in my cat girl Halloween costume.
Weird… I hadn’t been expecting any trick-or-treaters to come by yet. It was only four o’clock and the porch light hadn’t been turned on. The doorbell rang again.
I made my way to the front door. A third ring of the doorbell told me that whoever was out there wasn’t leaving. Grabbing a candy filled bowl, I opened the door, ready to pass out candy to greedy little children. A confusing sight met my gaze. Nobody was at the door. The porch was devoid of any life, including my failed attempts at aesthetically pleasing hanging house plants.
A floorboard creaked somewhere in the house. Feeling a little freaked, I turned to look behind me. Nobody was there. I turned back to the porch.
“Trick or Treat!” A man in a Jason Vorhees costume yelled at me, materializing out of nowhere. I punched the masked man square in the face, dropping the bowl of candy in the process.
The mask fell off, revealing a familiar face. “OW! Christ, Claire, it’s me, Noah!”
“Noah?!” I questioned, “What the hell are you doing here? I thought Kristy and I were meeting you at the movie theater?”
I took a second to appreciate my friend's Halloween costume. Noah wore dark blue jeans, a black t-shirt, and a dark green coat. His sandy brown hair was teased to look unruly. He wielded a fake bloody machete. As I looked into his blue eyes, I saw he had a bruise forming where I struck him.
“I thought I’d surprise you and pick you up,” Noah said as he picked his mask off the floor, dusting it off on his jeans, “but I’m the one that got surprised. Claire, you have one hell of a right hook, you know that?”
“Serves you right for sneaking up on me like that!” I started picking up the stray pieces of candy and placed them back in the bowl. Noah joined me on the floor. Once all the candy was picked up, I grabbed my coat and met Noah out on the porch.
“My car?” I asked. Noah shrugged. The car purred to life as I turned my key in the ignition. I backed out of my family’s driveway and headed in the direction of my best friend Kristy’s house.
Noah, Kristy, and I have been friends since childhood. Kristy and I became friends after she threw a dodge ball at my bully’s face in the fourth grade. Noah was my bully. When Kristy was finished with him, Noah was crying and begging for my forgiveness. I thought Kristy following him around and terribly singing “Baby” by Justin Bieber was hilarious, but punishment enough, and eventually forgave him. Noah still shudders every time he hears it come on the radio.
Kristy reluctantly let Noah join our friend group, but kept a watchful eye on him until he gained her trust. As for why Noah bullied me, he was having some trouble at home and decided to take it out on me. Deep down he was a good kid, he just needed to vent his frustrations.
To be fair I was an easy target as a kid. Reserved, wore glasses frames that were too big for my face, preferred to read at recess instead of play- usual nerdy loner kid things. I’m just glad things turned out the way they did. I couldn’t ask for any better friends than them.
Kristy was outside waiting in her driveway when I pulled up. She was wearing a sexy she-devil costume with red leather pants and a tight red crop top that looked more like a bra.There was a matching tail clipped to the back of her pants and a headband with devil horns nestled on top of her long silky blonde hair. On top of all that she wore bright red three inch stiletto heels. She looked cold.
“Finally!” She shouted as she got in, leaning over to the dashboard where she cranked the heat. “I’m freezing!”
Kristy saw my cat makeup. “What the hell, Claire? I thought we were going to match?!”
“Sorry Kristy, but you know my parents,” I said, with a shrug.
Annoyed, Kristy blew a tuft of hair out of her face and slumped in the back seat as I pulled out of her driveway.
“God I can’t believe how lucky we are!” Noah geeked next to me as we neared our town's local movie theater. “A Halloween screening of The Midnight Man, back in select theaters one night only!”
Kristy groaned as Noah started talking about his all time favorite obscure horror movie, The Midnight Man. It’s some old 2010s teen slasher horror movie about these kids that supposedly summon some entity at a Halloween party that kills people. At least that's what Noah says, I’ve never seen it before.
“Why do we need to go see this movie when Noah explained the whole plot a bajillion times already? You’ve basically seen it, Claire. Noah made me watch it with him once. The movie was crap!”
An offended expression made itself known on Noah’s face. “It was not!
“Because he’s our friend, Kristy,” I intervened, “that’s why! Besides, I’m excited to see it.”
“The plot twist isn’t even that good.” Kristy mumbled.
“What was the plot twist again? I forgot what Noah said it was."
Noah shushed me,“We’re about to go see the movie, there’s no point in telling you now! Experience it for yourself.”
If there was one thing Noah took seriously in life, it was his movies.
A late October breeze blew through the parking lot. Kristy booked it to the entrance. I zipped up my jacket. Noah wrapped his arms around himself for extra warmth. The parking lot was empty. Unusual for Halloween in our town, which was filled with horror movie fanatics crawling out of their dank dwellings to watch the latest releases. Despite the bad feeling swelling in my gut, I brushed it off.
The inside was seemingly deserted.
“Anybody home?” Kristy asked as she tapped her fingers on the empty concessions counter.
“Are they closed for the night?” I asked.
“They better not be!” Noah exclaimed, taking out his phone. “It said on the website they were showing a screening of The Midnight Man here tonight, in twenty minutes.”
Noah’s phone was suddenly shoved in my face. Displayed on the screen was the movie theater’s website, just like he had said, a notice for the special screening of the movie was being advertised on there.
“Isn’t there a bell we can ring for service?” Kristy leaned against the concessions counter.
“This isn’t a hotel, Kristy.”
She shrugged and started snooping around.
I spoke up. “Maybe we can go back to my place and stream it instead, Noah?”
He shook his head. I knew how much he cared about this. It was almost unhealthy the way he talked about going to see it since he found out it was coming back to theaters.
A woman wearing the theater’s uniform emerged from the employee’s only door. “Sorry about the wait,” she went behind the concessions counter, “all the theaters are absolutely packed right now!”
She had pale skin and her obsidian-colored hair was cut into an awful bob that ended just past her chin. Her eyes were a glassy shade of gray and her lipstick shade was blood red. She gave off weird vibes. Perfect for the holiday.
I glanced out to the empty parking lot. There were only two other vehicles parked out there. “Yeah, sure…’
“I love your Halloween costumes!”
We thanked her politely.
“Three tickets for The Midnight Man, please!” Noah asked, his mood severely improved from a second ago. He was practically vibrating from his excitement.
“Any refreshments?”
“Three soda’s and a large bucket of popcorn, extra butter,”
The woman nodded her head curtly and finished typing in our order. She handed Kristy three cups and told us our total. “That’ll be thirty-five dollars, sir.”
Noah took out his wallet and paid. She started preparing our popcorn after putting the cash in her till. We filled our drinks and she gave Noah the popcorn with a smile. "Theater thirteen. It’s to your left just down the hall and it’s the last door on the right,” she instructed.
Noah eagerly led us to our destination. “Thank you miss! Have a nice night,” “Enjoy the show!” She suddenly yelled creepily, for some reason maintaining direct eye contact with only me the whole time we were still in view.
“We will!” Noah shouted back. Something about the way she looked at me gave me the willies.
Kristy elbowed me. She leaned down and whispered into my ear, “What a creep that lady was, right?”
A warmth filled my stomach as I let out a voracious laugh in agreement. I was glad I wasn’t the only one who got bad vibes from her. She laughed with me as we walked. Noah would periodically look behind him to see if we were okay with how hard we bellowed. Eventually, we made it to theater thirteen, a digital display above the door confirming the movie and showtime.
Theater thirteen was completely empty. The seats were barren, The screen was blank, and no previews were playing. But hey, at least the light’s were on.
“They must not have turned the projector on yet,” Noah said, running to snag the best seats in the theater, “and we’re the first one’s here!” He chose the seats right in the middle of the room. Kristy and I took a seat on opposite sides besides him.
“Maybe they won’t play any previews!” Kristy said, hopefully. She never did like staying still for too long.
We took a minute to settle in and get comfortable. Noah checked his watch. It was almost six. “They should’ve started the movie by now.”
Then, as if on cue, the lights dimmed and the blank screen roared to life, the beginning movie credits began flashing on and off screen as ominous music started playing through the surround sound. I as the door was locked behind us. Seemed like it would just be the three of us watching this showing of The Midnight Man.
Noah shushed us as we all nestled comfortably into our seats as the hour and a half long film started. I had to say, despite how odd stuff was leading up to us being in that moment, I was pretty pumped to watch the movie.
My moment of peace was interrupted as something strange happened after the beginning credits finished. The screen seemed to glitch and then went blank entirely.
“Huh?” Kristy squinted her eyes at the screen.
“What now?” Noah grunted out in frustration, almost chucking the popcorn bucket to the ground.
“Guys, I don’t like this!”
Suddenly the movie screen flashed again and everything was enveloped in a white hot blinding blast.
When my vision returned after the light faded back down, our surroundings had changed. We were no longer in a movie theater, but back in my car. It was the middle of the night outside and we were parked on the side of a road that had woods on either side. There was a line of cars parked in front of us as other kids our age in Halloween costumes walked up the road.
The air felt electric as we got out of the car. It felt like we were out of place. Outsiders.
“What the hell?” I asked, as if Kristy or Noah would know anything. “Where are we? what time is it!? My parents are going to kill me for being out this late!”
Kristy gulped, “I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.”
“The fuck?” Noah said as he took in our surroundings. I knew that look on his face. He knew where we were.
“Noah,” I called, testingly. I couldn’t fathom what his answer was going to be, but somehow, deep down, I already knew.
“This is the outside of the Kessler Estate,” Noah answered with a tremble to his voice.
A disbelieving chuckle left Kristy’s mouth as she ran a hand through her hair, a nervous tick of hers. “No. Fucking. Way.”
The name disturbingly rang a bell. I remembered it from one of Noah’s many rants. “Kessler, as in the same last name of two of the main characters in The Midnight Man? Vannesa and Bryan Kessler?!?”
Noah cleared his throat, “Veronica and Ryan, not Vannesa and Bryan,” he corrected.
“Whatever!” I yelled, freaking out. “The point is, we somehow got sucked into a fucking movie, and not just any movie, a goddamn slasher film!”
“Oh god,” Kristy cried,” I’m going to die from cringe!”
I elbowed her in the ribs, “Now’s not the time for that! We need to figure out how to get out of here.”
Noah started rubbing my shoulder, trying to comfort me.
“What the hell are we supposed to do now?” I asked. If anybody would have an answer, it would be him. He furrowed his brows as he thought of a solution.
Kristy added her input first. “I think- I think we should just play along? Maybe that’s how we get out of this. If we comply and deal with whatever the being that put us here throws at us, they’ll let us go.”
“No,” Noah countered. “I think we should go in there and tell the main characters the truth. Tell them they’re in danger and to call call the cops. Nobody has to die, even them.”
“Oh that’s a brilliant plan, Noah!” Kristy chided. “You’re just going to walk in there and tell them they’re all going to get murdered? Because they totally won’t think you’re some psycho freak and kick you out! Then we’ll all die!”
Noah turned and leaned closer to Kristy in the back, “Oh and your plan is so much better? My way there’s a chance to save everyone! If we do it your way then someone is bound to die. Do you really want that hanging over your conscience?”
“It’s better than being dead!” She quipped.
Noah and Kristy both turned to me and asked in unison, “Claire, what do you think we should do?”
“You want to pin this on me?!” Despite the obvious panic in my face, my friends looked at me expectantly.
“Kristy,” I blurt out, “I think we should follow Kristy. Let’s just try to have as quiet a night as possible.” I went with the safest option.
Noah left in anger. We chased after him. He was heading to the party.
“You guys don’t know what you’re doing!” He said, kicking dirt. “I’ve seen this movie a thousand times. Kristy’s seen it once and you haven’t seen it at all, Claire. I practically know all of them on a personal level, I know how they’d react!”
“You can’t really believe that, Noah,” Kristy said, “You’re right, you do know better, so tell me, do you think if you stormed in there right now, before their character development, they would believe everything you’d tell them?”
His shoulders sank and he let out a sigh, “No… I just- don’t want to die!”
“Neither do we,” I chimed in. “We’re all stressed. Tensions are high. Let’s just go in there and party a bit before we have to deal with an ax wielding murderer.”
“Knife wielding maniac,” Kristy and Noah both corrected. I laughed and rolled my eyes. Kristy and Noah laughed at my cluelessness.
I got a good view of the place as we approached the estate. The Kessler’s lived in a three story antebellum style mansion. The building was white with a flat roof and dark blue accents. The front doors were propped wide open for guests to come and go as they pleased. Spooky Halloween music blasted inside.
“If you run into one of the main characters, just be yourself,” Kristy said, taking the lead. She looked to Noah. “Don’t say anything about what we know, under any circumstances, got it?”
“Got it,” he replied, stuffing his hands into his coat. He went back to his kicked puppy demeanor.
“Can somebody remind me who the main characters are please? I don’t know who I’m looking out for,” I felt out of the loop.
Noah perked up and Kristy rolled her eyes. “Okay, so there’s five people to look out for. Veronica and Ryan are brother and sister, Ryan being the youngest, and only sensible person within the group. He acts as the voice of reason. Then there’s Beck Hunter, Veronica's boyfriend. She’s the bitchy head cheerleader and he’s the star quarterback.”
“Cringe!” Kristy said, trying to hide it in a cough. “So cringe.”
“It’s not my fault the movie is full of stereotypes,” Noah said, defending himself. “Anyway,” he continued explaining, “then there’s Selina Cortez. She’s a total airhead, and also happens to be Veronica’s best friend. She’s also the first one to die, that’s important.”
“Typical,” Kristy scoffed, “of course the only person of color is killed first.”
Noah shrugged at the mention of the classic horror movie cliche. “Last, but not least, we have Brynn Fields. She’s a goth and the group looks to her for guidance once the killings start. Her and Ryan get close during the movie. They trauma bond and get together in the end. They’re the only ones that survive.”
“We should totally stick close to them,” Kristy suggested in a whisper. Noah nodded his head, agreeing with her.
“Okay,” a feeling of anxiety washed over me as we reached the front porch. A wild party full of kids about to die raged inside.
Kristy was the first one to go in, then Noah. He waited for me to gather enough courage to step into the house. I hesitated, but eventually crossed the threshold. The three of us entered the teen filled foyer and pushed our way deeper inside.
“C’mon let’s go find something to drink,” Noah said, leading me away.
I suddenly bumped into someone’s back, causing them to spill their drink.
“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!” I apologized, grabbing some nearby napkins and handing them to the guy I bumped into. Noah let go of my hand amongst the commotion. His eyes went wide when he saw who I was talking to. He was tall, had short brown hair and eyes, and the deepest dimples when he smiled. He was wearing some loafers, tan pants, and a black turtleneck.
“It’s okay, accidents happen,” he grabbed the napkins and dabbing them on his wet clothes.
“Nice Steve Jobs costume!” I complimented him.
“Oh, actually-”
Noah suddenly pushed me out of the way. “I apologize for my friend, she can be quite clumsy. Norman Bates, right? Killer costume!”
I shot him a look since he practically dragged me into the guy.
The guy smiled. “Ah, I see what you did there! Thanks for recognizing the costume, it’s quite refreshing. People have been mistaking me for Steve Jobs all night."
“Love the Jason costume by the way. You guys enjoy the rest of the party,” he said before walking off and mingling with other guests.
I gave Noah a ‘what the fuck was that?’ look.
“Claire, that was Ryan Kessler! A running gag throughout the movie was that people kept mistaking him for Steve Jobs instead of Norman Bates.”
“Ohhhh,” I realized,” that’s how-”
“Yes! Hopefully we didn’t just fuck everything up.”
“Why?” My heart started racing at his reaction.
“Ryan and Brynn first meet after he spills his drink all over himself. Brynn helps him clean up and knows who he’s dressed as. We practically just stole their first interaction!”
A pit formed in my stomach. Kristy made her way back over to us, already buzzed. She didn’t seem to feel the same existential dread Noah and I were.
“Hear ye, hear ye, our queen vampiress has something to say!” Someone in a Dracula costume suddenly announced from the top of the grand staircase that sat in the middle of the house, banging a spoon on a glass to get everyone’s attention.
A girl wearing a stunning dark red ball gown and black cape appeared next to the other vampire guy. Her hair was pinned up in a very elegant bun and most of her face was hidden behind a Victorian masquerade mask. She looked like she was getting ready to say something important.
“That’s Veronica Kessler,” Noah whispered. “That’s Beck standing next to her. They’re dressed in matching vampire couple’s costumes.”
I nodded my head, thankful for the heads up. “Is that Selena?” I asked, pointing to the girl in a zombie cheerleader costume next to Veronica. She had sunkissed skin, green eyes, a distinctive mole resting on her right cheek. Her dirty blonde hair was pulled into two curly pigtails.
Noah patted me on the shoulder, “Look at you catching on!”
“Happy Halloween Bellmont High! Are you having a good time or what?” Veronica cheered loudly.
Whoops, whistles, and cheers came from the crowd. “It wouldn’t be a Halloween party without a spooky story would it?”
Riled up, the crowd collectively yelled, “No!”
Kristy suddenly poked me in the side then whispered, “I’ve got to use the ladies room, come with?”
I nodded my head and went to tell Noah where we were going, but he was too engrossed in Veronica’s speech. I shrugged and followed Kristy to the nearest bathroom.
“God, I gotta shit so bad!” Kristy said, slamming the door closed and locking it.
I could still hear Veronica’s muffled speech while I waited outside the bathroom door.
“Thirty years ago,” Veronica began in a creepy tone, “in this very house, way before the Kessler’s owned the property, a woman was brutally murdered! Bludgeoned to death during a home invasion gone wrong.”
I found myself inching back towards the living room, interested in the story. I lingered at the entrance of the hallway, getting a good side view of the party.
“That’s nothing!” Someone shouted from the crowd. Then a short, but spunky, woman made her way up the grand staircase. “Just history. Know what’s really scary?”
I deduced this was Brynn Fields. She was dressed head-to-toe in black. She wore a black t-shirt with a skull graphic on it, black acid wash jeans, black and white converse high tops. She had long onyx colored hair that was styled in a wolf cut. She was a pretty hot goth.
She nudged Veronica out of the way. “The Midnight Man!”
Veronica rolled her eyes and pushed Brynn out of her spot. “Don’t tell me you actually believe in that bed time story!”
Brynn’s expression hardened. “It’s not a bedtime story.”
“I’m pretty sure an evil spirit that takes naughty children’s eyeballs after midnight qualifies as a bedtime story,” Beck retorted.
“I’m telling you, it’s not a bedtime story!”
“Fine, if you’re so sure, why don’t we summon him, then?” Veronica said slyly. “It is almost Midnight.”
“You should not do that.” Brynn warned.
Veronica grabbed Brynn, “Why not? Suddenly a skeptic, Ghost Girl?”
“Fine, your funeral,” she then ran back down the stairs and disappeared into the crowd. Selena and Beck burst out laughing, cracking jokes at Brynn’s expense. Veronica pulled her blackberry phone out and searched for something on it.
“The Midnight Man, The Midnight Man, come take thy children away,” she started chanting. The room went silent and a chill crept down my spine. “For they are naughty kids and bratty kids who stay up way too late. The Midnight Man, The Midnight Man, lurks in the shadows and shrieks and growls, looking for his prey. Once the clock strikes twelve on the witching hour, he takes the eyes of children with souls oh so sour. Beware, beware, The Midnight Man.”
The room stayed eerily silent for a minute after Veronica’s big spectacle. Then everyone started laughing and cheering as the party roared back to life. It was clear nobody believed in The Midnight Man.
Selena walked past me, making a b-line for the bathroom. She turned the doorknob but found it locked. She tried it again, but it still didn’t open.
“Occupied!” Kristy yelled from inside. Selena groaned, flipped Kristy off, and stormed off in search of another bathroom.
Then a scream came from the bathroom. I whipped my head around and ran to check on my friend. Kristy came out of the bathroom, eyes wide and terrified. She was breathing hard. “RUN!!!”
A shadow emerged from within the bathroom, something glinted from its hand, a knife. Kristy started running and so did I. A loud thud sound from behind me. I turned around and saw Kristy had fallen. “OW, my ankle!” Kristy cried, grasping at her high heels. “Stupid fucking horror movie cliches!”
Kristy started fumbling with her shoes, trying to take them off. I ran back towards her. Kristy looked back and came face to face with the shadow. She yelped and the shadow lunged for her! It raised the knife and stabbed it through Kristy’s eye. My stomach sank and she bellowed out a blood curdling scream.
“Claire, run!” The other knife then plunged into her remaining eye.
Doing as she said, I got up and ran for the nearest open door. I cowered in a dark coat closet as I heard the killer stab Kristy’s corpse over and over again.His footsteps slowly approached the closet. I scrunched my eyes shut as hard as I could. He stood there for what felt like forever, breathing hard and heavy. Then he just walked away.
I left the closet and dry heaved, seeing the carnage that was done to Kristy’s body. I screamed and sobbed while running back into the living room. Noah quickly found me and asked what was wrong. Everyone else in the room stared at me. I choked out, “Kristy is dead! The Midnight Man killed her!”
Chaos erupted in the mansion and everyone made a run for the door, scared for their lives. The front doors slammed shut, leaving only Veronica, Ryan, Selena, Beck, Brynn, Noah, and myself. Beck ran to the door and tried tugging it open, but it wouldn’t budge.
“H-how did this happen?” Noah asked me, looking at the white sheet we’d used to cover her body.
“She ran out of the bathroom and a shadow chased her down. She tripped in her heels and The Midnight Man stabbed her eyes out!” I explained, feeling tears welling up in my eyes.
“Thank god I didn’t use that bathroom,” Selena sighed in relief. I stared flaming daggers at her.
Noah’s face went pale. He grabbed my shoulder and we walked away from the rest of the group. “That was supposed to be Selena! The killer was hiding in the shower and chased her out of the bathroom where she tripped and he stabbed her eyes out. This is bad, Claire!”
I covered my mouth, holding back a scream. Kristy died in Selena’s place?!
“Who are you guys anyway?” Veronica called out to Noah and I. We disbanded our huddle and rejoined the group. “We know everybody at school and we’ve never seen you before.”
“I’m Noah, that’s Claire. Our friend over there was Kristy. We’re… exchange students!” Noah said, making a lie up on the spot.
“Exchange students from where?” Ryan asked, intrigued.
Noah and I gave each other a nervous glance.
“Canada.”
“Newfoundland.”
The group looked at us confused.
“Newfoundland, Canada,” Noah and I recovered.
“We’re from Newfoundland, which is in Canada,” I explained awkwardly.
The rest of the group seemed to buy it.
“What do you mean The Midnight Man killed your friend?” Ryan asked.
“It looked like a shadow, I guess?”
Brynn laughed, “I told you he wasn’t a bedtime story!”
“That’s impossible,” Noah said, playing with his hands.
“What makes you say that?” Brynn asked, “She said a shadow killed your friend.”
“Call it a feeling,” Noah replied ominously.
“We’re trapped!” Beck said, rejoining us in the living room. “All the doors and windows won’t open.”
“And the phone line must’ve been cut!” Selena cried out, tapping on her phone rapidly.
“That’s fantastic! We’re stuck in the middle of nowhere with a killer on the loose!” Veronica cried.
“Let’s just stay calm, alright? There’s another way out of here.” Ryan said, trying to calm his sister down. “I’m going to look for it.”
“Be careful, Ryan,” Veronica yelled after her brother. “Mom and dad will kill me if you die!”
“Claire, can I talk to you?” Noah asked, dragging me away again. The Midnight Man cast started talking among themselves, it seemed like they were talking about splitting up. Another horror movie cliche that wouldn’t end well.
“What is it, Noah?” I sniffled.
“I didn’t want to spoil it earlier, but the plot twist is that The Midnight Man doesn’t exist. The killer is Howard Wilcox, an escaped mental patient. He went crazy after his wife was killed. This used to be his house! In his mind he still lives here and they were the intruders that broke into his house. He killed them for revenge! The movie was supposed to symbolize how man is scarier than the paranormal.”
“Then why did he look like a shadow?” I started to hyperventilate.
“Because that’s how he first appears in the movie, as a shadow,” Noah explained.
“H-how do we stop him? What did they do in the movie?”
“Brynn was used as bait, luring him out by throwing insults about his wife, and when he revealed himself, Ryan snuck up on him and killed him.”
I let out a sigh of relief.
“We need to tell them the truth, Claire. We can make this stop.”
An unsettling scream came from upstairs. We ran to check on Ryan.
Beck noticed a shadow down the hall as we reached the top of the stairs. He and Noah both chased after it.
“Kate~” It disappeared behind a corner.
Us girls found Ryan’s body halfway out the door of a random bedroom. His eyes had been stabbed out, just like Kristy’s. His face was frozen with an expression of terror on it. Veronica screamed and started cradling his body in her arms. “Ryan, no!”
“The Midnight Man got him,” Brynn said, somberly.
They returned a second later, Beck shaking his head. The shadow killer had dissipated into thin air.
“That was Wilcox,” Noah whispered in my ear, “Kate was his wife.”
“Ryan's,” I relayed. He stared at the body behind me, slack jawed.
“No!” Noah started freaking out, “This isn’t right, it isn’t supposed to happen like this!”
“Noah, calm down!”
“Can’t you see? We’re changing everything just by being here! We’re screwing with the plot and the order people die in!”
“You don’t think I don’t know that, you shithead?” I whisper-yelled back at him. “My best friend is dead! Kristy was murdered right in front of me!”
The remaining surviving cast were staring at us. Veronica looked at him with murderous intent.
“What do you mean, ‘it wasn’t supposed to happen like this’?”
Noah stared at her. “I can’t do this anymore, Claire! They need to know the truth!”
“Noah,” I said cautiously. There was no telling how they’d react and the outcome it would lead to.
“Ryan shouldn’t have died! Selena was supposed to die in the bathroom.This was supposed to be Beck,” he pointed to Ryan’s body. “You were the next to die, stabbed to death in the bed after having hot sex with Veronica. Veronica was next, after the killer chased her from the bedroom.”
Their eyes went wide. Beck and Veronica held each other close, looking confused and offended as hell.
“I was supposed to die in that bathroom?” Selena asked nervously. “But- but your friend-”
Beck cracked his knuckles and stepped up to Noah. In comparison, Noah had a few extra inches on him. He didn’t look like it in his costume, but Noah was built and pretty strong. Beck took a step back and his tough guy demeanor fell away when Noah cracked his neck. “How could you even know that?”
“I know because The Midnight Man isn’t-” Noah started.
“He’s a psychic!” Brynn yelled excitedly, interrupting him. “That must be how! He can see the future!”
They ate that shit up, all nodding their heads in agreement. I missed Ryan’s clear headedness at that moment.
There was no way Noah was going to be able to convince them now. Psychics and evil spirits were much more believable than a couple of kids somehow getting stuck in a bad horror movie full of c-list actors.
“Still,” Brynn said, “The Midnight man won’t stop until he has all of our eyes. We need to figure out a way to stop him.”
“How do you propose we do that?” Veronica asked.
“Yeah, Ghost Girl, tell us what we should do!” Beck followed.
Selena brought her pointer finger to her chin. “We should do something to try and appease his spirit! If it stops being angry at us, it’ll leave us alone!”
“Yes,” Brynn agreed, “and it should have something to do with Noah! His psychic aura is thick and powerful, The Midnight Man must be attracted to it!”
“What are you going to do,” I scoffed sarcastically, “sacrifice him?”
A sadistic smile formed on Brynn’s lips as her eyes glinted with wild excitement.
“Thanks, Claire, thanks a lot,” Noah chided as Beck and Selena bound his hands and feet with rope to the legs of an overturned coffee table in the living room. “You and your big mouth!”
“Dude, I didn’t think they were going to take me seriously!” I yelled back in defense. Veronica had me restrained on the couch.
“You should know better by now!” Beck stuffed a sock in his mouth.
“God, Noah, I’m sorry!” I cried, trying to escape out of my bonds.
Brynn came out of the kitchen, holding a sharp knife.
“Aren't there some more occultish things we should do, first?” Beck asked. “Draw a pentagram, light a candle?”
“No, not really. A simple chant should do.”
Everyone else shrugged. Brynn stood over Noah’s chest, raising the knife. I squirmed, trying to somehow free myself. I needed to stop these psychotic idiots! Noah was the only one who knew what was happening.
“In the name of The Midnight Man,” Brynn yelled, bringing the knife down,“we make this scacrif-!”
“Fuck that!” Noah shouted, managing to kick one of his legs free. “Self preservation!” He kicked Brynn in the stomach and she dropped her weapon. She keeled over, clutching her abdomen. Noah freed one of his hands and grabbed the knife, quickly sawing the remaining rope off. Brynn lunged for Noah. The two were quickly engaged in a struggle for the knife.
Squelch! The sound of someone being stabbed rang through the room. Everyone went quiet, not knowing who stabbed who. A croak escaped Brynn’s mouth as her skin drained of its color. Noah thrust the knife deeper into the girl’s stomach, causing her to fall on her back. She died choking on her own blood.
He came and cut the rope that was restraining me. I rubbed my sore wrists, as I stared at Brynn’s dead body. Everything had happened so fast. Realizing what he’d just done, Noah threw the knife away from him, as if the handle had burned him like a hot iron. He stood there, looking at me. I tried to convey to him that everything was going to be okay.
Beck grabbed the knife off the floor while we were distracted.
“In the name of The Midnight Man, we make this sacrifice!”
“Noah, NO!” I screamed, lunging for his faltering body. I caught him just as his weight tumbled to the ground. Beck had quite literally stabbed Noah in the back.
“C-claire!” he whispered, the life already starting to dim in his eyes. He pulled the knife out of his back with a groan. “I love you. I always have.”
I wept in his chest as it slowly stopped rising. He shuddered his last breath and then he was gone. I kissed him on the lips then closed his eyelids, “I love you too!”
The knife fell out of Noah’s hands, which had gone stiff and cold. I grabbed it. I stood up and waved it around, pointing it between the remaining characters.
"I’ll kill you all!” I screamed like a mad woman, wiping stray tears off my face. “The Midnight Man isn’t real you fucking mornons! The killer is Howard Wilcox!”
A sudden creak came from upstairs. We all looked up to see the killer. The shadow slowly started fading, revealing the Howard Wilcox! He made a sprint for the stairs.
“SCATTER!” Veronica yelled.
Everyone split up and went to different parts of the mansion. I ran for the kitchen.
Of course, out of everyone else, he came after me! A sharp pain came from the back of my arm as he slashed his knife at me. I tried to run faster. Wilcox quickly caught up and grabbed my hair. I thrashed, trying to disarm him. He threw me to the ground, my face smacking against the tiled floor.
He turned me around and straddled me. I tried to wiggle out of his grasp, but his grip was too strong. He raised his knife. Suddenly, Wilcox began choking. His face went red as spit flew out of his mouth. He clawed at his chest before his lips went blue, his full body weight falling on top of me. His murder weapon clanged to the ground, sliding across the floor. I yelped, looking into his dead eyes. I pushed his large frame off of me and scrambled away from his limp body.
I kicked him with my foot, but he didn’t stir.
Everyone came and found me in the kitchen.
“You killed the killer!” Selena cheered.
“Actually, I think he had a heart attack,” I explained, “all the excitement must’ve gotten to him.”
“I don’t care how he died,” Veronica said, picking up the knife. She stabbed in his eye and spit on his corpse. Just as long as he’s dead. That was for Ryan, motherfucker.”
Selena kicked him in the nards, “That was for Kirsten!” she said, flipping off the dead body.
“Kristy,” I corrected.
”Let’s get out of here!”
The four of us made our way out of the mansion, I left first, the three of them trailed closely behind.
We basked in the light of the full moon and cherished the night’s fresh air. I focused on the wind blowing on my skin.
“So, same time next Halloween?” Selena asked in a happy and preppy tone.
The three of them burst out laughing at the bad joke. I didn’t say anything, figuring that was probably the last line of the movie or something.
Selena’s bubbly laughter suddenly stopped. She resembled a deer caught in headlights. Her eyes went wide as she stared at the woods in front of her. Her skin went pale and she began to choke up.
I looked around, not seeing anything.
“Selena?”
Pop! Selena screamed as one of her eyeballs suddenly popped out of its sockets, being pulled by an invisible force. Sinew and muscle tissue binding the eyeball to her skull snapped, thrusting her head back. Pop! Went the other eye. Selena’s body suddenly fell limp. Two bloody and gaping holes were left in place where her eyes should be.
“You said he wasn’t real!” Veronica sobbed as Beck started choking next. A dark, spectral looking figure, made itself known. “You said The Midnight Man wasn’t real!”
“Help me!”
Pop, pop, thud!
Veronica was next. She didn’t have time to grieve as her eyes went red and she clutched her throat, the specter choking her. He reached into her eye sockets and grabbed her eye. She screamed and flailed as he delicately pulled the organ out. He stuffed her blue eye into his pocket before reaching for the other. Veronica’s body fell to the ground after her second eyeball had been plucked.
I turned and ran for the woods. It appeared in front of me. I froze in fright. Running away wasn’t going to work.
“Not from here...,” It croaked, floating up to me. Its bony finger pointed at my right eye. His hand suddenly gripped my throat, quickly cutting my air supply off.
“How?” I squeaked out. “How are you here?”
“Blood sacrifice!”
I whimpered, because of course Noah’s blood sacrifice would summon an evil spirit. I was in a fucking horror movie!
At least Noah didn't die in vain since TMM saved me.
It cackled "Tell them about me,” it whispered into my ear before his fingers reached for my eye. I screamed in pain as my right eye burned. I closed my eyelids as hard as I could as one last method of defense.
Then the pain was gone. Sounds ceased and a cold chill enveloped my body. I opened my eyes slowly. My vision was a little blurry, but it was still there. I brought my hands to my face, examining. Everything appeared to be where it should be. I blinked again and I could see clearly.
I was alone and back in the lobby of the movie theater.
I ran through the hall of theaters, looking for my friends, taking the same path as earlier. There was no theater thirteen. The highest number it went up to was ten.
Frantically, I whipped my phone out and went to the theater's website. The advertisement for The Midnight Man showing was gone. Left in its place was a notice that the theater was closed for the holiday due to maintenance.
I sulked back to the lobby. What was I going to tell their parents? My two best friends in the whole world were missing, their souls trapped in a ghost theater forever! What was I going to tell my parents?
I was about to exit the theater when a strange sight caught my eye.
In my left eye I saw the empty concessions counter. My right, I saw the employee from earlier waving goodbye to me, with a big smile on her face.