Abiotic conditions for temperate deciduous
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2024.05.15 15:35 karenvideoeditor The Zoo [Part 6]
First / Previous
Back on the job, my eyes kept going to the camera that was on enclosure one. Andrew told me its real name, but I think that’d be a step too far, putting that out on the internet. I’d just stick with ‘Steve the bear’. Whatever it was, I just knew I’d have a nightmare about it eventually. Last night I slept fitfully but okay. But I know my brain, and I’d already had a nightmare about Yui stabbing me with one of her legs (they are not needle-sharp in real life, this was dream logic) and walking around, having not noticed I was a Ripley-kebab on her leg. I kept trying to get her attention but for some reason I’d been worried about sounding rude.
On my third walk around the zoo, at about 12 a.m. I saw Leila again, who I’d been noticing more and more often. She never looked interested in talking, only walking through the enclosures, and by that I meant any and all of them. She didn’t seem to have a favorite. I assume that however much of her mind that was left over from being alive still gravitated toward looking at the animals, since getting too close was what killed her in the first place.
Then, in enclosure eight, I saw a new creature and stopped abruptly. This one looked chill, but I wasn’t about to make any assumptions. It looked unique in a strange way, shaped like a giant lizard but built like a big cat of some sort. It had an uncanny valley human face, green hair for a mane, and also a horn like a unicorn. It felt like something drawn by an imaginative five-year-old brought to life, but was still somehow oddly endearing.
“Hello,” she spoke, noticing me noticing her. Her voice was distinctly female and oddly deep.
“Hello,” I responded with false cheer.
She pushed herself to her feet and I took an instinctive step back, but she didn't seem to notice, much less take offense. “You’re the guard here?”
“Yup. That’s me.”
“Thank you.”
I blinked, taken aback. “Ah…you’re welcome. For what?”
She cocked her head. “For guarding me.”
That was different. Most of the impressions I had gotten from the animals so far were that they wanted to eat me. And the idea that this one was thankful for me doing my job was refreshing, don’t get me wrong, but made me wary. Call me a cynic, I guess.
“My name is tàiyang. You can call me Sun,” she told me.
“Hi, Sun. I’m Ripley.”
Then she looked toward the sky. “It’s going to rain tonight.”
After a thoughtful moment, I asked, “Does that make you sad?”
“Why would it make you sad?”
I smiled. “Because your name is Sun.”
She paused and then said, “I don’t understand.”
Honestly, I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, telling a pun to one of the animals. “Never mind.” I glanced up at the sky. “I thought the rain is supposed to stay away from here. Are the ones who told me that wrong?”
“Yes.”
“Well that’s good to know,” I murmured to myself, thinking of my raincoat hanging in the security office closet. It wasn’t that surprising, honestly. Sometimes I felt like the meteorologists in Arkansas try to read the entrails of goats to figure out the weather. It’s all a mess and it’s all made up.
At that, the animal looked to the sky and fell silent. She appeared to be the most uneventful introduction I’d had so far, and I was incredibly grateful for it. Except then the animal kept talking. “He’s under a spell.”
I blinked. “What?”
She looked back to me. “Andrew. He’s under a spell. He’s very unhappy.”
I had no idea how to react to that. For a second I just stared. The sudden jolt of being told my boss was currently being afflicted by magic left me floundering. “He… What?” I finally asked. “Where is he?”
“In his office.”
Oh shit. My eyes instinctively darted in the direction of the main office. I always just entered through the door on the west side of the building, of course, since it led to the security room. It was unnecessary for me to go through the door that first led into the lobby-slash-office Andrew worked out of. Sometimes he even left early, so it was locked anyway. I had the key, but again, it was unnecessary.
Whatever had happened, assuming this animal wasn’t joking around (she seemed completely serious), I needed to establish whether she was right. Leaving the enclosure of the animal I’d just met, I quickly walked back to the small building.
Taking a deep breath, I knocked loudly. “Andrew, are you in there?”
The only reply was silence. I stood there until enough time had passed that it was obvious that no one was coming to answer the door. Taking out my phone, I dialed his cell number and wait as it rang. Then I grimaced when I heard it ringing inside.
Hanging up and shoving the phone back in my pocket, I stared at the closed door.
Trying the doorknob, I found that it was unlocked, and my heart skipped a beat. Andrew always locked his office before leaving. Opening the door slowly, the lights were off in the room, leaving only the faint red glow of the lights outside peeking around his curtains, so I turned on a light. Then my heart plummeted into my stomach, because there was Andrew, splayed limply on the ground, his eyes only half open.
I bolted to him and dropped to his side as he let out a whimper.
“Andrew,” I said, putting two fingers to the side of his neck. He remained silent, and despite his relaxed, wilted appearance, his heart was racing, and I wondered if he was in pain. The room smelled, and it was clear to me that he’d lost control of his bowels. I couldn’t believe I’d been working here for hours without knowing he was in the next room like this.
“Fucking hell. I’m so sorry it took me so long to find you. Can you hear me? What happened?” He made a small sound, unfocused eyes attempting to meet mine, but it was as if he were severely deprived of sleep or something, unable to focus. His mouth opened and he tried to say something, but he couldn’t speak. All I got was halting words mushed into each other. I felt for him; he must’ve been mortified by his condition. I would’ve been, at least.
The obvious solution would be to get Suzanne’s number from Andrew’s phone, so I searched him for it and found it in his right jacket pocket. I pressed the button the iPhone, swiped, and let out a sigh of frustration. He was security conscious enough to lock his phone with a code, of course.
“Can you… You can’t tell me the code,” I said knowing. He grunted quietly.
“What happened?”
I shrieked and jumped to my feet. Leila stood in the doorway, staring in shock at Andrew’s body. “You scared the bejesus out of me,” I exclaimed. I stopped myself before asking if she could make some noise when she moved or if I could put a bell on her. “What does it look like happened? Someone put a spell on him.” Abruptly, my stance changed, standing up straight. “Wait. Do you know how to get in touch with…anyone?” I asked desperately.
“I know Ms. Cooper’s phone number,” she said frankly.
My eyes widened. “Seriously? How?”
“Andrew gave it to me after I worked here for three months.”
That stopped my brain dead in its tracks. “You…used to work here?” I whispered. I remembered Andrew telling me that one of the night shift managers had been killed, but he hadn’t told me it was Leila. Whether it was for her own privacy or her dignity or some other reason, it didn’t really matter. What mattered was that I could call Suzanne.
“I worked here for three months,” Leila confirmed as I took out my own phone.
“Okay…what’s her number?” I asked, ready to dial. She rattled off the number and dialed it.
The phone rang twice times before someone answered. “Hello?”
“Hi, is this Suzanne?”
“Yes, who’s this?”
She had a British accent like Andrew did. I took a deep breath and said, “It’s Ripley Mason. I got your number from Leila. I’m here in Andrew’s office and he’s in really bad shape. Someone cast a spell on him and it’s like he’s lost control of the part of his brain that lets him move around and speak.”
“What?” she snapped. “What happened?”
“I-I don’t know,” I said, glancing back to Andrew. He actually looked calmer now, and I hoped that was because he knew Suzanne could fix this. “I was doing my rounds and I met Sun; she’s the one that told me and that’s why I came into his office. I don’t- Who would do this? What do I do?”
“It’s okay, Ripley. I’ll leaving now and will be there soon,” she told me. I heard rustling in the background, the sounds of getting out of a chair and footsteps. “Did you check the security cameras?”
My eyes shut in irritation against my stupidity. It hadn’t even occurred to me. “I’m sorry. Of course, I’ll do that right away.” Proof positive that I was completely out of it. Some security guard I was, not even able to keep my head in an emergency.
“Don’t apologize, Ripley, you’re quite within your rights to be discombobulated at the moment,” she said. “And I’d like you stay with Andrew, but I would prefer to know what happened. Leave his side just for a second to check the footage.
“Okay.” I crouched down to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll be right back.” His eyes flicked to me, but he didn’t make a sound. Getting back to my feet and walking over to the security room door, I went in and sat at my desk, putting the phone on speaker so I could more easily navigate the footage.
After fidgeting around with the unfamiliar aspect of the program, since I’d never needed to look back before and Andrew only showed me how to do it once, I finally went back to the point where the spell had been cast. “Okay, he walked into his office with two men at…4:08 p.m. and it looks like he was fine with it. He wasn’t under duress, from what I can see.”
“That’s likely Michael Wise and Eric Henry,” Suzanne told me. “They were allegedly making a donation, a herd of Bagot goats.”
“Allegedly?”
“Well, I’m operating under the assumption that they lied if Andrew is spelled.”
I grimaced. That was a good point. Watching them have a conversation, I saw Andrew tense, and then turn to dart toward his desk, but he only made it two steps before one of the men raised what looked like a wand, snapping it in my late boss’s direction, speaking something. As I saw Andrew’s body seize like he’d been hit with a taser and collapse, I hissed in a sharp breath. “Cripes.”
“What is it?”
“One of them had a wand,” I managed. “He-He did something with it.”
“I’m here, Ripley. Come back to the office.”
My eyes widened and I did as I was told, stunned to see her opening the front door. “How did you get here so fast?” I asked.
The woman gave me a small smile, rendered grim by the situation. “Call it a trick of the trade.”
“Oh. Gotcha.”
Suzanne was all hard edges, her pin-straight blond hair cut at an angle just below her ears, and she wore a smart blue pants suit with matching pumps. But then she looked to Andrew and her face softened, despair and fury flashing across it as she quickly walked to him and knelt at his side, taking his weak hand in hers.
“Oh, Andrew,” she whispered. “I’m so, so sorry. You’ll be okay. I already texted a healer and asked her to come by. A friend of mine named Janine.”
I looked back to Andrew’s face, his eyes open and his expression one of exhaustion, but then quickly looked to Suzanne. “Why would someone do this?” I asked.
“I have a feeling at least one of our animals is missing,” she told me, her voice low and hard.
Anger flared up in me. “What?” I asked tersely. I glanced back in the direction of the cameras. “Should we check the cameras to see which enclosure they went to? Do we- Are there cops you can call for this? What do we do?”
Suzanne’s face slowly faded to sadness. “I’ll take care of it,” she said. “You’re accurate in that I do have a different police I’ll call about this. But there’s a good chance we won’t get the animal back.”
“Wait, why? Come on, there’s got to be magic you could do, right?” I asked anxiously.
“The animal will have been warded and sold to someone immediately,” she explained. “They would’ve had a buyer set up, and gone straight there to reduce the risk of being caught with it. Anyone who is buying an animal like this is extremely powerful, which means that even if we catch the men who stole it, they’d go to prison, but they wouldn’t risk angering the buyer. They won’t tell the authorities who it was, even for a lesser sentence. Losing an animal to robbery has only happened twice in the zoo’s history, this is the third time, but that’s how it played out both times. Actually, in the first instance, the police didn’t even catch the people who took it, since they were wearing masks.”
Just then, there was a knock at the door, and Suzanne pushed herself to her feet, walking over and opening it without hesitation. “He’s in here.” I took the opportunity to open the windows and turned down the thermostat so it would start displacing the smelly air.
A woman walked in, Janine presumably. “Oh, goodness,” she breathed, going quickly to Andrew. She took his pulse with one hand as she pulled a wand out from her purse with the other. “It’s good he’s staying calm. Redire orior can be terrifying to be subjected to.”
“He wasn’t calm when I got here,” I told her quietly. “I’ve been here for hours and didn’t know he was here until just a few minutes ago.”
Janine swore softly. “All right. Let me get started.”
I didn’t know what that meant, so I turned to Suzanne. “What did she call this?”
“The spell is ‘redire orior’. It’s a regression of part of the mind, basically all the way back to when we were first born,” she said tightly, anger flickering across her face. “He has no more control over his body than he did when he was a newborn baby.”
I grimaced, looking back to him. “Oh my god,” I whispered. It meant exactly what it had looked like when I’d walked in: Andrew had been rendered completely helpless. Rage welled up inside me, despising the men who’d done this and wishing desperately that Suzanne had been more confident in finding them.
Suzanne took the opportunity to walk into the security office and I heard her sit in my chair. Janine put down her wand to have both hands free and told Andrew, “Just relax, concentrate on breathing slowly,” she said, carefully pulling both of his legs out and rolling him onto his back. She then put his arms at his sides and, picking up her wand, pointed it at his forehead.
I took in a sharp breath of surprise as I saw a faint glow coming from the wand, through the top of it and then to Andrew’s forehead. She held that position for a while, muttering under her breath.
A few minutes later, Suzanne came out and took her phone from her pocket, saying, “I don’t recognize either of the men in the footage. But they seemed distressed, particularly the one that didn’t hurt Andrew. I don’t think that’s what was meant to happen.”
“Meant to or not, it happened,” I muttered through clenched teeth. I’d already decided that my new to-do list every day included first checking the office cameras.
“Andrew,” Janine said, letting the glow fade. “Can you speak?”
“I…yeah,” he whispered.
Suzanne came over to my side. “Thank goodness. How are you feeling? How’s the vertigo?”
“Pretty much gone,” he said, closing his eyes for a long moment, though he didn’t try to stand up.
“Andrew, I pulled up the cameras in the office and listened to the audio,” she told him. “I know what happened.”
My eyebrows furrowed. “The cameras have audio?”
“It’s under admin privileges, but yes. Andrew, you should have known better,” she said softly, looking back to him. “The gun in one of the desk drawers? I presume that’s what you were lunging for, because those two men had just made it clear they were here for an animal.”
“Yeah,” he sighed. “I just…” He looked distraught.
“They told you to just let them get what they came for,” Suzanne said. “Why didn’t you?” My lips parted in shock.
“The last time this happened, I cooperated, but…I regretted it,” he growled. “We never saw Harriet again. I couldn’t just stand here and let them do whatever they wanted. Not again.” I assumed Harriet was one of their animals, but I didn’t ask.
“Don’t ever do something so foolish again,” she told him, on the verge of being upset, her emotions likely tempered by his condition. “I want to make it clear to you that this job, these animals, they’re immensely important, but they are not worth your life. He could have killed you. If someone gains access to the zoo again to steal an animal I want you to cooperate fully. Understood?”
“Yeah,” Andrew muttered.
The idea that Andrew had tried to bring a gun to a wand fight was staggering. Something heavy curled in my stomach at the thought. It was clear he cared about the wellbeing of the animals to a degree I hadn’t comprehended.
Janine took one of the small pillows from the couch and tucked it under Andrew’s head as Suzanne continued. “All right,” she said with a sigh. “I’ll go through the footage to determine what they stole and then call the authorities to report the theft. Janine, can you continue to treat him?”
I wasn’t sure what that entailed, but Janine apparently did, since she nodded and knelt back down as Suzanne went back into the security office. Janine did the same thing that she’d done before, that soft glow channeling light into Andrew’s head. Obviously, I wanted to ask what she was doing, but I knew better than to think I’d get an answer. Instead, I sat in one of the loveseats in front of Andrew’s desk, turning it to face them.
I heard Suzanne’s voice faintly speaking to someone on the phone and the minutes ticked by. Eventually, Suzanne came back out again and she stood next to me for a long moment, watching the healing process before turning to me.
“Andrew told me you were attempting to create some enrichment activities for the animals?” asked my boss.
“Oh, uh…yeah, I am,” I answered. I assumed she was trying to make small talk to distract me from the current situation, and I appreciated it. “The first one went well. Spike loves artichokes, pecans, and hazelnuts. I went with things that made it a challenge to eat, like it’s a challenge to pull out fingernails of its prey.”
Suzanne’s expression brightened just enough for me to notice. “Ripley, that’s wonderful. Very clever.” She let out a breath. “It’s becoming more and more obvious to me that Andrew chose well in hiring you.” I gave her a small smile. “Listen, I’m going to hire someone else to be here with you on duty,” Suzanne told me, “and by that, I mean someone from my neck of the woods. Andrew explained that to you, correct?”
“Not much. Just that you’re not from Earth.”
Suzanne smiled. “That makes me sound like an alien, but yes, I’m not from this dimension. I can hire someone who has similar abilities to mine, who can check in every few hours, make sure everything’s all right, but generally make themselves scarce unless there’s an emergency. He wouldn’t have been able to do much if he’d already been here, but he’d have known what was going on. Andrew would have received assistance immediately.”
I was curious of what those abilities were, aside from being able to see the animals, but I wasn’t bold enough to ask. Also, I was curious about who this new ‘employee’ would be, but presumably I’d find out sooner or later. “That would make me feel a little better,” I said, nodding. “Knowing there was someone else here.”
She nodded once. “It’s as good as done, then. As for Andrew, he’ll need to take a few days off to recover. Would you be willing to give the tours until he’s back in ship-shape?”
My eyes bugged out of my skull. “Wait, what? I can’t even see all the animals!”
Suzanne chuckled at my expression and shook her head. “I can enchant a pair of specs for you to wear,” she told me. “It’ll give you a bit of a headache, but you’ll be able to see all of the animals. Also, I’ll give you the background for each of them, because you’ll be speaking about them to the tourists.”
I blinked, thinking of how awesome it would be to finally know all about them all. And it was flattering, the fact that she had such confidence in me that, without hesitation, she asked if I could take over for Andrew. The best thing for me to do, of course, was to be confident and assure her that I could take any temporary promotion in stride. “I’m…I’m not great with people,” I managed.
Yup. Nailed it.
“You can be a little harsh with them if you need to,” she said with a small, knowing smile. “I assumed that signing up for a job where you interact with a screen of cameras the whole time means you aren’t great with people. And Andrew did brief me on you when he hired you. How good are you at couching your insults in polite talk? The British are quite skilled, but I know Americans aren’t too bad at it.”
I smirked, remembering how a coworker friend of mine once told a customer, “Oh, bless your heart,” in her thick southern accent and it sounded like the worst insult. “I can manage that, I think.”
A buzz from the gate that went to the panel on the wall drew our attention and Suzanne walked over to let the visitors in. It was three people, a man and two women, with a gurney.
Walking over to Andrew, I folded my arms with a small smile as Janine released his head from the glow the wand was emitting. “Hey. Sorry you had to lay on the floor for so long knowing I was cluelessly reading a book in the next room.”
“Eh, not the end of the world,” he whispered. “I’ll be back on my feet soon. So, no parties while I’m gone.”
I snorted and my smile widened, and he returned it.
Going back into the security room, I pulled the system back to the multi-camera exterior view, and I sat there and listened to Suzanne talk to one of the medics, explaining everything that had happened in detail. Once she’d done that and they brought Andrew outside on the gurney, presumably to a waiting ambulance, I gave my statement, and then…it was back to work.
Obviously going back to work like nothing had changed felt weird, but Suzanne stayed, letting me know that she would get some work done at Andrew’s desk until my shift was over. It was likely the opposite of necessary, the robbers were gone, but it did make me feel a tiny bit better knowing that she was in the next room with her wand.
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Back on the job, my eyes kept going to the camera that was on enclosure one. Andrew told me its real name, but I think that’d be a step too far, putting that out on the internet. I’d just stick with ‘Steve the bear’. Whatever it was, I just knew I’d have a nightmare about it eventually. Last night I slept fitfully but okay. But I know my brain, and I’d already had a nightmare about Yui stabbing me with one of her legs (they are not needle-sharp in real life, this was dream logic) and walking around, having not noticed I was a Ripley-kebab on her leg. I kept trying to get her attention but for some reason I’d been worried about sounding rude.
On my third walk around the zoo, at about 12 a.m. I saw Leila again, who I’d been noticing more and more often. She never looked interested in talking, only walking through the enclosures, and by that I meant any and all of them. She didn’t seem to have a favorite. I assume that however much of her mind that was left over from being alive still gravitated toward looking at the animals, since getting too close was what killed her in the first place.
Then, in enclosure eight, I saw a new creature and stopped abruptly. This one looked chill, but I wasn’t about to make any assumptions. It looked unique in a strange way, shaped like a giant lizard but built like a big cat of some sort. It had an uncanny valley human face, green hair for a mane, and also a horn like a unicorn. It felt like something drawn by an imaginative five-year-old brought to life, but was still somehow oddly endearing.
“Hello,” she spoke, noticing me noticing her. Her voice was distinctly female and oddly deep.
“Hello,” I responded with false cheer.
She pushed herself to her feet and I took an instinctive step back, but she didn't seem to notice, much less take offense. “You’re the guard here?”
“Yup. That’s me.”
“Thank you.”
I blinked, taken aback. “Ah…you’re welcome. For what?”
She cocked her head. “For guarding me.”
That was different. Most of the impressions I had gotten from the animals so far were that they wanted to eat me. And the idea that this one was thankful for me doing my job was refreshing, don’t get me wrong, but made me wary. Call me a cynic, I guess.
“My name is tàiyang. You can call me Sun,” she told me.
“Hi, Sun. I’m Ripley.”
Then she looked toward the sky. “It’s going to rain tonight.”
After a thoughtful moment, I asked, “Does that make you sad?”
“Why would it make you sad?”
I smiled. “Because your name is Sun.”
She paused and then said, “I don’t understand.”
Honestly, I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, telling a pun to one of the animals. “Never mind.” I glanced up at the sky. “I thought the rain is supposed to stay away from here. Are the ones who told me that wrong?”
“Yes.”
“Well that’s good to know,” I murmured to myself, thinking of my raincoat hanging in the security office closet. It wasn’t that surprising, honestly. Sometimes I felt like the meteorologists in Arkansas try to read the entrails of goats to figure out the weather. It’s all a mess and it’s all made up.
At that, the animal looked to the sky and fell silent. She appeared to be the most uneventful introduction I’d had so far, and I was incredibly grateful for it. Except then the animal kept talking. “He’s under a spell.”
I blinked. “What?”
She looked back to me. “Andrew. He’s under a spell. He’s very unhappy.”
I had no idea how to react to that. For a second I just stared. The sudden jolt of being told my boss was currently being afflicted by magic left me floundering. “He… What?” I finally asked. “Where is he?”
“In his office.”
Oh shit. My eyes instinctively darted in the direction of the main office. I always just entered through the door on the west side of the building, of course, since it led to the security room. It was unnecessary for me to go through the door that first led into the lobby-slash-office Andrew worked out of. Sometimes he even left early, so it was locked anyway. I had the key, but again, it was unnecessary.
Whatever had happened, assuming this animal wasn’t joking around (she seemed completely serious), I needed to establish whether she was right. Leaving the enclosure of the animal I’d just met, I quickly walked back to the small building.
Taking a deep breath, I knocked loudly. “Andrew, are you in there?”
The only reply was silence. I stood there until enough time had passed that it was obvious that no one was coming to answer the door. Taking out my phone, I dialed his cell number and wait as it rang. Then I grimaced when I heard it ringing inside.
Hanging up and shoving the phone back in my pocket, I stared at the closed door.
Trying the doorknob, I found that it was unlocked, and my heart skipped a beat. Andrew always locked his office before leaving. Opening the door slowly, the lights were off in the room, leaving only the faint red glow of the lights outside peeking around his curtains, so I turned on a light. Then my heart plummeted into my stomach, because there was Andrew, splayed limply on the ground, his eyes only half open.
I bolted to him and dropped to his side as he let out a whimper.
“Andrew,” I said, putting two fingers to the side of his neck. He remained silent, and despite his relaxed, wilted appearance, his heart was racing, and I wondered if he was in pain. The room smelled, and it was clear to me that he’d lost control of his bowels. I couldn’t believe I’d been working here for hours without knowing he was in the next room like this.
“Fucking hell. I’m so sorry it took me so long to find you. Can you hear me? What happened?” He made a small sound, unfocused eyes attempting to meet mine, but it was as if he were severely deprived of sleep or something, unable to focus. His mouth opened and he tried to say something, but he couldn’t speak. All I got was halting words mushed into each other. I felt for him; he must’ve been mortified by his condition. I would’ve been, at least.
The obvious solution would be to get Suzanne’s number from Andrew’s phone, so I searched him for it and found it in his right jacket pocket. I pressed the button the iPhone, swiped, and let out a sigh of frustration. He was security conscious enough to lock his phone with a code, of course.
“Can you… You can’t tell me the code,” I said knowing. He grunted quietly.
“What happened?”
I shrieked and jumped to my feet. Leila stood in the doorway, staring in shock at Andrew’s body. “You scared the bejesus out of me,” I exclaimed. I stopped myself before asking if she could make some noise when she moved or if I could put a bell on her. “What does it look like happened? Someone put a spell on him.” Abruptly, my stance changed, standing up straight. “Wait. Do you know how to get in touch with…anyone?” I asked desperately.
“I know Ms. Cooper’s phone number,” she said frankly.
My eyes widened. “Seriously? How?”
“Andrew gave it to me after I worked here for three months.”
That stopped my brain dead in its tracks. “You…used to work here?” I whispered. I remembered Andrew telling me that one of the night shift managers had been killed, but he hadn’t told me it was Leila. Whether it was for her own privacy or her dignity or some other reason, it didn’t really matter. What mattered was that I could call Suzanne.
“I worked here for three months,” Leila confirmed as I took out my own phone.
“Okay…what’s her number?” I asked, ready to dial. She rattled off the number and dialed it.
The phone rang twice times before someone answered. “Hello?”
“Hi, is this Suzanne?”
“Yes, who’s this?”
She had a British accent like Andrew did. I took a deep breath and said, “It’s Ripley Mason. I got your number from Leila. I’m here in Andrew’s office and he’s in really bad shape. Someone cast a spell on him and it’s like he’s lost control of the part of his brain that lets him move around and speak.”
“What?” she snapped. “What happened?”
“I-I don’t know,” I said, glancing back to Andrew. He actually looked calmer now, and I hoped that was because he knew Suzanne could fix this. “I was doing my rounds and I met Sun; she’s the one that told me and that’s why I came into his office. I don’t- Who would do this? What do I do?”
“It’s okay, Ripley. I’ll leaving now and will be there soon,” she told me. I heard rustling in the background, the sounds of getting out of a chair and footsteps. “Did you check the security cameras?”
My eyes shut in irritation against my stupidity. It hadn’t even occurred to me. “I’m sorry. Of course, I’ll do that right away.” Proof positive that I was completely out of it. Some security guard I was, not even able to keep my head in an emergency.
“Don’t apologize, Ripley, you’re quite within your rights to be discombobulated at the moment,” she said. “And I’d like you stay with Andrew, but I would prefer to know what happened. Leave his side just for a second to check the footage.
“Okay.” I crouched down to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll be right back.” His eyes flicked to me, but he didn’t make a sound. Getting back to my feet and walking over to the security room door, I went in and sat at my desk, putting the phone on speaker so I could more easily navigate the footage.
After fidgeting around with the unfamiliar aspect of the program, since I’d never needed to look back before and Andrew only showed me how to do it once, I finally went back to the point where the spell had been cast. “Okay, he walked into his office with two men at…4:08 p.m. and it looks like he was fine with it. He wasn’t under duress, from what I can see.”
“That’s likely Michael Wise and Eric Henry,” Suzanne told me. “They were allegedly making a donation, a herd of Bagot goats.”
“Allegedly?”
“Well, I’m operating under the assumption that they lied if Andrew is spelled.”
I grimaced. That was a good point. Watching them have a conversation, I saw Andrew tense, and then turn to dart toward his desk, but he only made it two steps before one of the men raised what looked like a wand, snapping it in my late boss’s direction, speaking something. As I saw Andrew’s body seize like he’d been hit with a taser and collapse, I hissed in a sharp breath. “Cripes.”
“What is it?”
“One of them had a wand,” I managed. “He-He did something with it.”
“I’m here, Ripley. Come back to the office.”
My eyes widened and I did as I was told, stunned to see her opening the front door. “How did you get here so fast?” I asked.
The woman gave me a small smile, rendered grim by the situation. “Call it a trick of the trade.”
“Oh. Gotcha.”
Suzanne was all hard edges, her pin-straight blond hair cut at an angle just below her ears, and she wore a smart blue pants suit with matching pumps. But then she looked to Andrew and her face softened, despair and fury flashing across it as she quickly walked to him and knelt at his side, taking his weak hand in hers.
“Oh, Andrew,” she whispered. “I’m so, so sorry. You’ll be okay. I already texted a healer and asked her to come by. A friend of mine named Janine.”
I looked back to Andrew’s face, his eyes open and his expression one of exhaustion, but then quickly looked to Suzanne. “Why would someone do this?” I asked.
“I have a feeling at least one of our animals is missing,” she told me, her voice low and hard.
Anger flared up in me. “What?” I asked tersely. I glanced back in the direction of the cameras. “Should we check the cameras to see which enclosure they went to? Do we- Are there cops you can call for this? What do we do?”
Suzanne’s face slowly faded to sadness. “I’ll take care of it,” she said. “You’re accurate in that I do have a different police I’ll call about this. But there’s a good chance we won’t get the animal back.”
“Wait, why? Come on, there’s got to be magic you could do, right?” I asked anxiously.
“The animal will have been warded and sold to someone immediately,” she explained. “They would’ve had a buyer set up, and gone straight there to reduce the risk of being caught with it. Anyone who is buying an animal like this is extremely powerful, which means that even if we catch the men who stole it, they’d go to prison, but they wouldn’t risk angering the buyer. They won’t tell the authorities who it was, even for a lesser sentence. Losing an animal to robbery has only happened twice in the zoo’s history, this is the third time, but that’s how it played out both times. Actually, in the first instance, the police didn’t even catch the people who took it, since they were wearing masks.”
Just then, there was a knock at the door, and Suzanne pushed herself to her feet, walking over and opening it without hesitation. “He’s in here.” I took the opportunity to open the windows and turned down the thermostat so it would start displacing the smelly air.
A woman walked in, Janine presumably. “Oh, goodness,” she breathed, going quickly to Andrew. She took his pulse with one hand as she pulled a wand out from her purse with the other. “It’s good he’s staying calm. Redire orior can be terrifying to be subjected to.”
“He wasn’t calm when I got here,” I told her quietly. “I’ve been here for hours and didn’t know he was here until just a few minutes ago.”
Janine swore softly. “All right. Let me get started.”
I didn’t know what that meant, so I turned to Suzanne. “What did she call this?”
“The spell is ‘redire orior’. It’s a regression of part of the mind, basically all the way back to when we were first born,” she said tightly, anger flickering across her face. “He has no more control over his body than he did when he was a newborn baby.”
I grimaced, looking back to him. “Oh my god,” I whispered. It meant exactly what it had looked like when I’d walked in: Andrew had been rendered completely helpless. Rage welled up inside me, despising the men who’d done this and wishing desperately that Suzanne had been more confident in finding them.
Suzanne took the opportunity to walk into the security office and I heard her sit in my chair. Janine put down her wand to have both hands free and told Andrew, “Just relax, concentrate on breathing slowly,” she said, carefully pulling both of his legs out and rolling him onto his back. She then put his arms at his sides and, picking up her wand, pointed it at his forehead.
I took in a sharp breath of surprise as I saw a faint glow coming from the wand, through the top of it and then to Andrew’s forehead. She held that position for a while, muttering under her breath.
A few minutes later, Suzanne came out and took her phone from her pocket, saying, “I don’t recognize either of the men in the footage. But they seemed distressed, particularly the one that didn’t hurt Andrew. I don’t think that’s what was meant to happen.”
“Meant to or not, it happened,” I muttered through clenched teeth. I’d already decided that my new to-do list every day included first checking the office cameras.
“Andrew,” Janine said, letting the glow fade. “Can you speak?”
“I…yeah,” he whispered.
Suzanne came over to my side. “Thank goodness. How are you feeling? How’s the vertigo?”
“Pretty much gone,” he said, closing his eyes for a long moment, though he didn’t try to stand up.
“Andrew, I pulled up the cameras in the office and listened to the audio,” she told him. “I know what happened.”
My eyebrows furrowed. “The cameras have audio?”
“It’s under admin privileges, but yes. Andrew, you should have known better,” she said softly, looking back to him. “The gun in one of the desk drawers? I presume that’s what you were lunging for, because those two men had just made it clear they were here for an animal.”
“Yeah,” he sighed. “I just…” He looked distraught.
“They told you to just let them get what they came for,” Suzanne said. “Why didn’t you?” My lips parted in shock.
“The last time this happened, I cooperated, but…I regretted it,” he growled. “We never saw Harriet again. I couldn’t just stand here and let them do whatever they wanted. Not again.” I assumed Harriet was one of their animals, but I didn’t ask.
“Don’t ever do something so foolish again,” she told him, on the verge of being upset, her emotions likely tempered by his condition. “I want to make it clear to you that this job, these animals, they’re immensely important, but they are not worth your life. He could have killed you. If someone gains access to the zoo again to steal an animal I want you to cooperate fully. Understood?”
“Yeah,” Andrew muttered.
The idea that Andrew had tried to bring a gun to a wand fight was staggering. Something heavy curled in my stomach at the thought. It was clear he cared about the wellbeing of the animals to a degree I hadn’t comprehended.
Janine took one of the small pillows from the couch and tucked it under Andrew’s head as Suzanne continued. “All right,” she said with a sigh. “I’ll go through the footage to determine what they stole and then call the authorities to report the theft. Janine, can you continue to treat him?”
I wasn’t sure what that entailed, but Janine apparently did, since she nodded and knelt back down as Suzanne went back into the security office. Janine did the same thing that she’d done before, that soft glow channeling light into Andrew’s head. Obviously, I wanted to ask what she was doing, but I knew better than to think I’d get an answer. Instead, I sat in one of the loveseats in front of Andrew’s desk, turning it to face them.
I heard Suzanne’s voice faintly speaking to someone on the phone and the minutes ticked by. Eventually, Suzanne came back out again and she stood next to me for a long moment, watching the healing process before turning to me.
“Andrew told me you were attempting to create some enrichment activities for the animals?” asked my boss.
“Oh, uh…yeah, I am,” I answered. I assumed she was trying to make small talk to distract me from the current situation, and I appreciated it. “The first one went well. Spike loves artichokes, pecans, and hazelnuts. I went with things that made it a challenge to eat, like it’s a challenge to pull out fingernails of its prey.”
Suzanne’s expression brightened just enough for me to notice. “Ripley, that’s wonderful. Very clever.” She let out a breath. “It’s becoming more and more obvious to me that Andrew chose well in hiring you.” I gave her a small smile. “Listen, I’m going to hire someone else to be here with you on duty,” Suzanne told me, “and by that, I mean someone from my neck of the woods. Andrew explained that to you, correct?”
“Not much. Just that you’re not from Earth.”
Suzanne smiled. “That makes me sound like an alien, but yes, I’m not from this dimension. I can hire someone who has similar abilities to mine, who can check in every few hours, make sure everything’s all right, but generally make themselves scarce unless there’s an emergency. He wouldn’t have been able to do much if he’d already been here, but he’d have known what was going on. Andrew would have received assistance immediately.”
I was curious of what those abilities were, aside from being able to see the animals, but I wasn’t bold enough to ask. Also, I was curious about who this new ‘employee’ would be, but presumably I’d find out sooner or later. “That would make me feel a little better,” I said, nodding. “Knowing there was someone else here.”
She nodded once. “It’s as good as done, then. As for Andrew, he’ll need to take a few days off to recover. Would you be willing to give the tours until he’s back in ship-shape?”
My eyes bugged out of my skull. “Wait, what? I can’t even see all the animals!”
Suzanne chuckled at my expression and shook her head. “I can enchant a pair of specs for you to wear,” she told me. “It’ll give you a bit of a headache, but you’ll be able to see all of the animals. Also, I’ll give you the background for each of them, because you’ll be speaking about them to the tourists.”
I blinked, thinking of how awesome it would be to finally know all about them all. And it was flattering, the fact that she had such confidence in me that, without hesitation, she asked if I could take over for Andrew. The best thing for me to do, of course, was to be confident and assure her that I could take any temporary promotion in stride. “I’m…I’m not great with people,” I managed.
Yup. Nailed it.
“You can be a little harsh with them if you need to,” she said with a small, knowing smile. “I assumed that signing up for a job where you interact with a screen of cameras the whole time means you aren’t great with people. And Andrew did brief me on you when he hired you. How good are you at couching your insults in polite talk? The British are quite skilled, but I know Americans aren’t too bad at it.”
I smirked, remembering how a coworker friend of mine once told a customer, “Oh, bless your heart,” in her thick southern accent and it sounded like the worst insult. “I can manage that, I think.”
A buzz from the gate that went to the panel on the wall drew our attention and Suzanne walked over to let the visitors in. It was three people, a man and two women, with a gurney.
Walking over to Andrew, I folded my arms with a small smile as Janine released his head from the glow the wand was emitting. “Hey. Sorry you had to lay on the floor for so long knowing I was cluelessly reading a book in the next room.”
“Eh, not the end of the world,” he whispered. “I’ll be back on my feet soon. So, no parties while I’m gone.”
I snorted and my smile widened, and he returned it.
Going back into the security room, I pulled the system back to the multi-camera exterior view, and I sat there and listened to Suzanne talk to one of the medics, explaining everything that had happened in detail. Once she’d done that and they brought Andrew outside on the gurney, presumably to a waiting ambulance, I gave my statement, and then…it was back to work.
Obviously going back to work like nothing had changed felt weird, but Suzanne stayed, letting me know that she would get some work done at Andrew’s desk until my shift was over. It was likely the opposite of necessary, the robbers were gone, but it did make me feel a tiny bit better knowing that she was in the next room with her wand.
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2024.05.15 13:37 JulieSongwriter #85C: Good Morning, Ladies!
Heidi, we love you! I'm sure you read all the texts to you. I'm just catching up on the ones that went up after I went to sleep. Yes, most of us have had similar regrettable events in our lives.
For the record, let me repeat this paragraph we studied yesterday:
Let me summarize what a lot of the Ladies texted. You are a disciple of Ikeda Sensei. Let's look at what happened through this lens starting with the personal side. You are an artist, a rocker no less. Temper? Hard edge? Make a scene? Bend rules? Deal with consequences? Don't give a damn? Obnoxious? Sorry, it comes with the territory.
Looking backwards to almost four summers ago to when we first met, I still remember a girl who kept on changing stories (AKA "lying"?) about her age, who called out the creeping sexualization hitting young people who want no part of it, and who was able to stand and sing on a stage in front of many people without the slightest bit of inhibition.
And now you are in the stage of "purposely call them forth so that we can conquer them." As far as those negative functions "lurking in the dark depths of society," you called your Dean "Kiefer Sutherland on steroids." As you read from many of us, when you go back to school you have a choice. You can collect high-fives from your friends for speaking back to Mr. Sutherland and continue a feud with him for two more years. But I think as Sensei's disciple you need to chant for the wisdom to turn Mr. Sutherland into an ally. That's infinitely harder to do! Come on Ms. Rocker, you can do it!
You should give Guy a call. He tells us there are plenty of Mr. Sutherlands in schools. He's finishing up his coursework to become a school leader and has been studying all the stresses on schools and school people these days. He says that once you can understand this, you will immediately feel some compassion for Mr. Sutherland.
Ladies, back to Ikeda Sensei's lecture. Sensei gives us some more insight into the hardships mentioned in this portion of The Orally Transmitted Teachings:
Have a great day!
submitted by JulieSongwriter to SGIWhistleblowersMITA [link] [comments]
For the record, let me repeat this paragraph we studied yesterday:
When we selflessly dedicate ourselves to spreading the Mystic Law, the negative functions residing in our beings and lurking in the dark depths of society are driven out of hiding. We purposely call them forth so that we can conquer them, and in the process make our inner Buddhahood shine all the brighter.I think the conditions at schools today are far more difficult than when I was a student 10-15 years ago. It seems that you found a very exceptional school where you've met wonderful students and teachers. But yesterday you saw the negative functions "lurking in the dark depths of society" as well as those residing in your own being. Now that you purposely called them forth, you can conquer them, and in the process make your inner Buddhahood shine all the brighter.
Let me summarize what a lot of the Ladies texted. You are a disciple of Ikeda Sensei. Let's look at what happened through this lens starting with the personal side. You are an artist, a rocker no less. Temper? Hard edge? Make a scene? Bend rules? Deal with consequences? Don't give a damn? Obnoxious? Sorry, it comes with the territory.
Looking backwards to almost four summers ago to when we first met, I still remember a girl who kept on changing stories (AKA "lying"?) about her age, who called out the creeping sexualization hitting young people who want no part of it, and who was able to stand and sing on a stage in front of many people without the slightest bit of inhibition.
And now you are in the stage of "purposely call them forth so that we can conquer them." As far as those negative functions "lurking in the dark depths of society," you called your Dean "Kiefer Sutherland on steroids." As you read from many of us, when you go back to school you have a choice. You can collect high-fives from your friends for speaking back to Mr. Sutherland and continue a feud with him for two more years. But I think as Sensei's disciple you need to chant for the wisdom to turn Mr. Sutherland into an ally. That's infinitely harder to do! Come on Ms. Rocker, you can do it!
You should give Guy a call. He tells us there are plenty of Mr. Sutherlands in schools. He's finishing up his coursework to become a school leader and has been studying all the stresses on schools and school people these days. He says that once you can understand this, you will immediately feel some compassion for Mr. Sutherland.
Ladies, back to Ikeda Sensei's lecture. Sensei gives us some more insight into the hardships mentioned in this portion of The Orally Transmitted Teachings:
They also include various challenges, difficulties and sufferings resulting from karma, which together fall into the category of the “three obstacles and four devils.” When we as disciples remember the Daishonin’s words that “the wise will rejoice” in encountering difficulties (see “The Three Obstacles and Four Devils,” WND-1, 637), and emulate our mentors in striving with the conviction that obstacles are a springboard to enlightenment, we will advance unerringly to attaining Buddhahood in this lifetime.So, Ladies, let's be inspired by our Heidi's spunkiness. And, as a mother, when the Twinettes show their spunkiness (uhmm, every 5 minutes!), I have to think twice before I tamp it down. Maybe they will need to have a big reserve of this quality on tap when they meet their Mr. or Ms. Sutherland.
Have a great day!
2024.05.15 07:49 Open-that-door [USA-CA][H] Logitech G Pro X Gaming Headset, LG GH24NSC0 Super Multi 24x DVD Writer, MUSETEX Phantom Black ATX Mid-Tower Case 907 [W] Paypal (G&S), Local Cash
Timestamp/Image: https://imgur.com/a/yFi6arW
Logitech G Pro X Gaming Headset with Blue VO!CE technology(in very good condition), asked for $35 shipped. (Or Local Cash; 94014) Sold.
LG GH24NSC0 Super Multi 24x DVD Writer asked for $18 shipped. (Or Local Cash; 94014) Sold.
MUSETEX Phantom Black ATX Mid-Tower Case with USB 3.0 and 6 ×120mm RGB Fans, Tempered Glass Panels Gaming PC Case Computer Chassis 907, asked for $40, (strictly for Local Cash, San Francisco, Daly City Area, Local: 94014)
PM me for payment and questions.
Sale only in CONUS, Paypal G&S only.
submitted by Open-that-door to hardwareswap [link] [comments]
Logitech G Pro X Gaming Headset with Blue VO!CE technology(in very good condition), asked for $35 shipped. (Or Local Cash; 94014) Sold.
LG GH24NSC0 Super Multi 24x DVD Writer asked for $18 shipped. (Or Local Cash; 94014) Sold.
MUSETEX Phantom Black ATX Mid-Tower Case with USB 3.0 and 6 ×120mm RGB Fans, Tempered Glass Panels Gaming PC Case Computer Chassis 907, asked for $40, (strictly for Local Cash, San Francisco, Daly City Area, Local: 94014)
PM me for payment and questions.
Sale only in CONUS, Paypal G&S only.
2024.05.15 05:35 icky217 AITAH for planning on disowning my dad?
TW: suicide attempt, sexual assault, victim blaming
I'm (27F) likely going to have to disown my dad (61M), I'm 90% certain on this, and have been considering this as on option for the last 2 years, but I guess I need the opinion of strangers of the internet because that last 10% is having a choke hold on me.
Last night my Dad called me, something he hasn't done in at least the last 4-6 months. He asks how I am, we exchange niceties but I can feel that something is up. He tells me that he's stressed, it's to do with mum. First he said that I probably don't want to know, I agreed, then he doubles back and said that I needed to know, I said I absolutely don't want to know but ignores me and says because my mum (54F, they've been divorced for nearly 3 years) hasn't sold her house in another city (we'll call this house 2) yet to buy out days share of house 1, which is 30 min away from where I live now, and wants to get a lawyer involved to force mums hand to sell the house as he believes this house will sell quicker and he would get much more money for it than he would if mum bought him out.
For context: Mum and I's relationship has come a really long way, I have complex PTSD which was cause by repeated emotional, psychological abuse both mum and dad, but between them mum has been the only one to properly apologise, swallow her pride and go to therapy to work on herself and our relationship, she has literally moved mountains to make things right, and I couldn't appreciate or admire her more if I tried - I have made sure to tell her this. Dad however, hasn't changed.
This is the man who made 6 year old me sit down and watch my parents fight, which often included him accusing mum of cheating, punching walls, throwing things, and so on, then ask me to be judge and jury. This continued on right up until I left home, once my sister was born I would make sure she was safe and preoccupied in her room with toys before I was called out. I was the scape goat, my sister the golden child, dad often told me that it's my fault that him and mum are fighting, that no one in the house works harder than he does, that no one has done it tougher than him growing up. In public he'd tell everyone how well we as a family were doing, at home he'd use intimidation and fear to have my sister and I stay in line.
His love was always conditional, best example was when I moved out of home at 19 for the first time and found out I was asexually assaulted, he dropped everything to come and get me out of that situation and back home, but once we were home, he blamed me for the assault, telling me that I was taught better, that it's my fault that it happened. When I attempted suicide, he stayed home to make sure I didn't try again, but would tell me how weak I am, that his childhood was worse and he never did this, the list goes on. There is so much more that happened, but Ill keep it as brief as I can.
I was often his counsellor as a child, he has never known how to handle his emotions, very quick to anger and lose his temper over anything, once I went to counselling I recognised how unstable dad is and how he has no insight into his behaviour, he still believes to this day that he was a great parent and didnt do anything wrong. I have begged dad for many years to go to therapy but has refused. When him and mum split I had to beg him to talk to me, to be present in my life, to be my dad, and how scared I was that he'd be impulsive and end his life. I did this for about a year.
I am now married to my amazing and supportive husband who has had my back through everything and continues to have my back about this, I'm 6 months pregnant with our first child, my beautiful little family is now my absolute priority. Dad has called my husband to bitch about me, to which he's stood up for me and has told me about it, and continues to say that if he could go back and raise his kids again he wouldn't change a thing. So my husband and I have agreed that under no circumstances are we to leave our child unsupervised with dad, and that our child is not to see my dad and I fight. It has been a long standing boundary that my parents are not to talk to me about their problems regarding eachother, that I will not continue to be judge and jury. He has once again ignored this and I don't want to see or talk to him again, I want nothing to do with him and I don't want him anywhere near my child.
The only reason why I am so hesitant is because stress is terrible for pregnancy. Arguably the stress my dad is causing me is already significant, but I know the conversation to tell him to not contact me or my family, or ask other family members like my sister, mum, grandparents, and uncles/aunts about me will be huge. Particularly my grandparents would have something to say about it favouring dad as they always have, and it would be incredibly stressful to have to block them aswell. I'm more than willing to do it, not just for me, but for my family, especially for my child, I just don't know when or how, or if this is too drastic.
submitted by icky217 to AITAH [link] [comments]
I'm (27F) likely going to have to disown my dad (61M), I'm 90% certain on this, and have been considering this as on option for the last 2 years, but I guess I need the opinion of strangers of the internet because that last 10% is having a choke hold on me.
Last night my Dad called me, something he hasn't done in at least the last 4-6 months. He asks how I am, we exchange niceties but I can feel that something is up. He tells me that he's stressed, it's to do with mum. First he said that I probably don't want to know, I agreed, then he doubles back and said that I needed to know, I said I absolutely don't want to know but ignores me and says because my mum (54F, they've been divorced for nearly 3 years) hasn't sold her house in another city (we'll call this house 2) yet to buy out days share of house 1, which is 30 min away from where I live now, and wants to get a lawyer involved to force mums hand to sell the house as he believes this house will sell quicker and he would get much more money for it than he would if mum bought him out.
For context: Mum and I's relationship has come a really long way, I have complex PTSD which was cause by repeated emotional, psychological abuse both mum and dad, but between them mum has been the only one to properly apologise, swallow her pride and go to therapy to work on herself and our relationship, she has literally moved mountains to make things right, and I couldn't appreciate or admire her more if I tried - I have made sure to tell her this. Dad however, hasn't changed.
This is the man who made 6 year old me sit down and watch my parents fight, which often included him accusing mum of cheating, punching walls, throwing things, and so on, then ask me to be judge and jury. This continued on right up until I left home, once my sister was born I would make sure she was safe and preoccupied in her room with toys before I was called out. I was the scape goat, my sister the golden child, dad often told me that it's my fault that him and mum are fighting, that no one in the house works harder than he does, that no one has done it tougher than him growing up. In public he'd tell everyone how well we as a family were doing, at home he'd use intimidation and fear to have my sister and I stay in line.
His love was always conditional, best example was when I moved out of home at 19 for the first time and found out I was asexually assaulted, he dropped everything to come and get me out of that situation and back home, but once we were home, he blamed me for the assault, telling me that I was taught better, that it's my fault that it happened. When I attempted suicide, he stayed home to make sure I didn't try again, but would tell me how weak I am, that his childhood was worse and he never did this, the list goes on. There is so much more that happened, but Ill keep it as brief as I can.
I was often his counsellor as a child, he has never known how to handle his emotions, very quick to anger and lose his temper over anything, once I went to counselling I recognised how unstable dad is and how he has no insight into his behaviour, he still believes to this day that he was a great parent and didnt do anything wrong. I have begged dad for many years to go to therapy but has refused. When him and mum split I had to beg him to talk to me, to be present in my life, to be my dad, and how scared I was that he'd be impulsive and end his life. I did this for about a year.
I am now married to my amazing and supportive husband who has had my back through everything and continues to have my back about this, I'm 6 months pregnant with our first child, my beautiful little family is now my absolute priority. Dad has called my husband to bitch about me, to which he's stood up for me and has told me about it, and continues to say that if he could go back and raise his kids again he wouldn't change a thing. So my husband and I have agreed that under no circumstances are we to leave our child unsupervised with dad, and that our child is not to see my dad and I fight. It has been a long standing boundary that my parents are not to talk to me about their problems regarding eachother, that I will not continue to be judge and jury. He has once again ignored this and I don't want to see or talk to him again, I want nothing to do with him and I don't want him anywhere near my child.
The only reason why I am so hesitant is because stress is terrible for pregnancy. Arguably the stress my dad is causing me is already significant, but I know the conversation to tell him to not contact me or my family, or ask other family members like my sister, mum, grandparents, and uncles/aunts about me will be huge. Particularly my grandparents would have something to say about it favouring dad as they always have, and it would be incredibly stressful to have to block them aswell. I'm more than willing to do it, not just for me, but for my family, especially for my child, I just don't know when or how, or if this is too drastic.
2024.05.15 00:44 FitWitness3330 My girlfriend "accidentally" got me arrested
Apologies as this is probably going to be a long entry.
Earlier this year I started a new job in the police, to do this I left another job in the prison service where I was doing well. This was a position which my girlfriend told me to apply for as it was where she worked and was more money. I accepted, applied and got the job. She appeared really happy that I got the job and it was supposed to be our way out of my mum's house where we both lived.
On the evening of my second shift I had to stay up to the early hours of the morning to pick up my girlfriend. She had to stay late as she was having some serious issues with her mental health including self harm and suicidal thoughts. I have been supportive of this taking up extra duties in the house and doing my lions share to sort her as I always have. She told me that she stayed late to talk about previous traumas. She told me about them when I picked her up and I stayed up to talk to her to make sure she was ok. We had a really good talk where I was supportive and said we would get through it together and I'll do what I can to make life easier. I woke up and went to work and when I finished I was walking to the gate and 3 detectives asked me to follow them and took me to the gate where everyone was leaving took my eppilettes and badge and informed me that I was under arrest for an alleged assault on my girlfriend.
Just for context I would never lay a hand on a woman especially not in anger or frustration, I know the second you lose your temper you lose the argument so if anything ever started feeling heated I would leave so we both had time to cool down and have a proper conversation.
I was very confused however pressumed they had mistaken me with an ex-boyfriend who I know had assaulted her and she was talking to her manager about it. Because of this I wasnt to worried as I knew I had never done anything that was even close to assault, I'm not saying we were perfect , we argued but it was always verbal (at least from my end) and always came to a reasonable end. We never lost our temper with each other.
When I got to the station they said that she had said that I slapped her once outside a bar, I was shocked by this and when they said it was 9 months ago I knew they hadn't mistaken me for her ex as we were together for four years by this point. I was placed in prison Grey's and put in a cell then interviewed. They released me on bail with conditions not to contact her and they took my phone for evidence incase I had messaged anyone admitting that I slapped her. I need to stress at this point that THIS NEVER HAPPENED.
The case was classed as a no further action after a month of pointless attempts to crack my phone and trying to persuade myself and my girlfriend to give them the pin which I refused to do without being told by the court that I had to. As a result of this whole incident I lost my job in the police and cannot reapply as now I have an arrest on my record. My life fell apart as a result of this whole thing and now my degree in policing and criminal investigation seams like a complete waste. Any jobs I want and suit are in public service or military and this throws a massive spanner in the works.
When I first saw her we went through everything that had happend and why she said it. She said that we were playing about and that I had tapped her face which she found disrespectfu but that she never meant that she wanted police involvement as she had kicked me first. Again this had never happend. I have spoken to many police officers and staff that I know who have said that it sounds suspicious and that they had absolutely no reason to arrest me if what my girlfriend had told me was true. When I said this and said would she get the transcript of what was said as it was a recorded session she said "what if I have remembered wrong" this shook me to my core as it strikes me as she has said more than what she told me. She had also changed her story about when and what happened.
As a result of this whole thing I have lost loads of trust, money, motivation and I'd be lying if I hadnt suffered some darker thoughts such as driving my car into a wall at 100mph. I was looked at by people I didn't know as a wife bearer and it made me sick. To top it off she got everything she wanted as she wanted to move out but financially we couldn't save money for a house and we would also be leaving my mum in the shit if we left as we payed all the bills. To avoid this I let her stay at my mum's and I slept in my car so she was close to work and could continue her way of life. However she decided she knew best and got an appartment which we now both live in and I can't afford. She's also saying that she's more confident now and showed me messages of guys who are trying to get in her pants. Meanwhile I have gone from being confident and strong to being a complete shell of my former self. And she didn't want to take any responsibility for any of it. She also told me that she had my back and told the manager that reported me to the police that she was upset with her however looking at the messages to her manager she was nothing but friendly with her.
My head's fucked, I feel betrayed, small, insignificant and like everything that happend to me just didn't matter to her. I don't know what to do, I'm trying to get my head right by going back to the gym but my motivation is shot. I don't know if I can trust her anymore and I feel bitter and resentful. What do I do to start feeling better and should I confront her about what I've gone through because of her bullshit story or should I just leave. I want to make it work as this is the only bad thing in our relationship. But it's fucking written me off and I don't know how I can get past it. I appreciate any advice or guidance to help me get past this portion of my life.
submitted by FitWitness3330 to Advice [link] [comments]
Earlier this year I started a new job in the police, to do this I left another job in the prison service where I was doing well. This was a position which my girlfriend told me to apply for as it was where she worked and was more money. I accepted, applied and got the job. She appeared really happy that I got the job and it was supposed to be our way out of my mum's house where we both lived.
On the evening of my second shift I had to stay up to the early hours of the morning to pick up my girlfriend. She had to stay late as she was having some serious issues with her mental health including self harm and suicidal thoughts. I have been supportive of this taking up extra duties in the house and doing my lions share to sort her as I always have. She told me that she stayed late to talk about previous traumas. She told me about them when I picked her up and I stayed up to talk to her to make sure she was ok. We had a really good talk where I was supportive and said we would get through it together and I'll do what I can to make life easier. I woke up and went to work and when I finished I was walking to the gate and 3 detectives asked me to follow them and took me to the gate where everyone was leaving took my eppilettes and badge and informed me that I was under arrest for an alleged assault on my girlfriend.
Just for context I would never lay a hand on a woman especially not in anger or frustration, I know the second you lose your temper you lose the argument so if anything ever started feeling heated I would leave so we both had time to cool down and have a proper conversation.
I was very confused however pressumed they had mistaken me with an ex-boyfriend who I know had assaulted her and she was talking to her manager about it. Because of this I wasnt to worried as I knew I had never done anything that was even close to assault, I'm not saying we were perfect , we argued but it was always verbal (at least from my end) and always came to a reasonable end. We never lost our temper with each other.
When I got to the station they said that she had said that I slapped her once outside a bar, I was shocked by this and when they said it was 9 months ago I knew they hadn't mistaken me for her ex as we were together for four years by this point. I was placed in prison Grey's and put in a cell then interviewed. They released me on bail with conditions not to contact her and they took my phone for evidence incase I had messaged anyone admitting that I slapped her. I need to stress at this point that THIS NEVER HAPPENED.
The case was classed as a no further action after a month of pointless attempts to crack my phone and trying to persuade myself and my girlfriend to give them the pin which I refused to do without being told by the court that I had to. As a result of this whole incident I lost my job in the police and cannot reapply as now I have an arrest on my record. My life fell apart as a result of this whole thing and now my degree in policing and criminal investigation seams like a complete waste. Any jobs I want and suit are in public service or military and this throws a massive spanner in the works.
When I first saw her we went through everything that had happend and why she said it. She said that we were playing about and that I had tapped her face which she found disrespectfu but that she never meant that she wanted police involvement as she had kicked me first. Again this had never happend. I have spoken to many police officers and staff that I know who have said that it sounds suspicious and that they had absolutely no reason to arrest me if what my girlfriend had told me was true. When I said this and said would she get the transcript of what was said as it was a recorded session she said "what if I have remembered wrong" this shook me to my core as it strikes me as she has said more than what she told me. She had also changed her story about when and what happened.
As a result of this whole thing I have lost loads of trust, money, motivation and I'd be lying if I hadnt suffered some darker thoughts such as driving my car into a wall at 100mph. I was looked at by people I didn't know as a wife bearer and it made me sick. To top it off she got everything she wanted as she wanted to move out but financially we couldn't save money for a house and we would also be leaving my mum in the shit if we left as we payed all the bills. To avoid this I let her stay at my mum's and I slept in my car so she was close to work and could continue her way of life. However she decided she knew best and got an appartment which we now both live in and I can't afford. She's also saying that she's more confident now and showed me messages of guys who are trying to get in her pants. Meanwhile I have gone from being confident and strong to being a complete shell of my former self. And she didn't want to take any responsibility for any of it. She also told me that she had my back and told the manager that reported me to the police that she was upset with her however looking at the messages to her manager she was nothing but friendly with her.
My head's fucked, I feel betrayed, small, insignificant and like everything that happend to me just didn't matter to her. I don't know what to do, I'm trying to get my head right by going back to the gym but my motivation is shot. I don't know if I can trust her anymore and I feel bitter and resentful. What do I do to start feeling better and should I confront her about what I've gone through because of her bullshit story or should I just leave. I want to make it work as this is the only bad thing in our relationship. But it's fucking written me off and I don't know how I can get past it. I appreciate any advice or guidance to help me get past this portion of my life.
2024.05.14 18:24 Exotic_Revenue7013 Help on load order
I'm new to skyrim and modding in general but I read on load order is important that the game runs properly but I have no idea what or how to exactly sort it properly. Could anybody give a general guideline to follow. Currently whenever i encounter any problems i either do: a) Skip the mod entirely after searching the mods and found it might be too complex to follow b) Reinstall Skyrim and hope for the best c) Enable and disable mods to find out which is working or not working
Here's my plugin modlist if it helps
0 0 Skyrim.esm
1 1 Update.esm
2 2 Dawnguard.esm
3 3 HearthFires.esm
4 4 Dragonborn.esm
5 5 ccASVSSE001-ALMSIVI.esm
6 6 ccBGSSSE001-Fish.esm
254 FE 0 ccBGSSSE002-ExoticArrows.esl
254 FE 1 ccBGSSSE003-Zombies.esl
254 FE 2 ccBGSSSE004-RuinsEdge.esl
254 FE 3 ccBGSSSE005-Goldbrand.esl
254 FE 4 ccBGSSSE006-StendarsHammer.esl
254 FE 5 ccBGSSSE007-Chrysamere.esl
254 FE 6 ccBGSSSE010-PetDwarvenArmoredMudcrab.esl
254 FE 7 ccBGSSSE011-HrsArmrElvn.esl
254 FE 8 ccBGSSSE012-HrsArmrStl.esl
254 FE 9 ccBGSSSE014-SpellPack01.esl
254 FE a ccBGSSSE019-StaffofSheogorath.esl
254 FE b ccBGSSSE020-GrayCowl.esl
254 FE c ccBGSSSE021-LordsMail.esl
254 FE d ccMTYSSE001-KnightsOfTheNine.esl
254 FE e ccQDRSSE001-SurvivalMode.esl
7 7 ccTWBSSE001-PuzzleDungeon.esm
8 8 ccEEJSSE001-Hstead.esm
254 FE f ccQDRSSE002-Firewood.esl
254 FE 10 ccBGSSSE018-Shadowrend.esl
254 FE 11 ccBGSSSE035-PetNHound.esl
254 FE 12 ccFSVSSE001-Backpacks.esl
254 FE 13 ccEEJSSE002-Tower.esl
254 FE 14 ccEDHSSE001-NorJewel.esl
254 FE 15 ccVSVSSE002-Pets.esl
254 FE 16 ccBGSSSE037-Curios.esl
254 FE 17 ccBGSSSE034-MntUni.esl
254 FE 18 ccBGSSSE045-Hasedoki.esl
254 FE 19 ccBGSSSE008-Wraithguard.esl
254 FE 1a ccBGSSSE036-PetBWolf.esl
254 FE 1b ccFFBSSE001-ImperialDragon.esl
254 FE 1c ccMTYSSE002-VE.esl
254 FE 1d ccBGSSSE043-CrossElv.esl
254 FE 1e ccVSVSSE001-Winter.esl
254 FE 1f ccEEJSSE003-Hollow.esl
9 9 ccBGSSSE016-Umbra.esm
10 a ccBGSSSE031-AdvCyrus.esm
254 FE 20 ccBGSSSE038-BowofShadows.esl
254 FE 21 ccBGSSSE040-AdvObGobs.esl
254 FE 22 ccBGSSSE050-BA_Daedric.esl
254 FE 23 ccBGSSSE052-BA_Iron.esl
254 FE 24 ccBGSSSE054-BA_Orcish.esl
254 FE 25 ccBGSSSE058-BA_Steel.esl
254 FE 26 ccBGSSSE059-BA_Dragonplate.esl
254 FE 27 ccBGSSSE061-BA_Dwarven.esl
254 FE 28 ccPEWSSE002-ArmsOfChaos.esl
254 FE 29 ccBGSSSE041-NetchLeather.esl
254 FE 2a ccEDHSSE002-SplKntSet.esl
254 FE 2b ccBGSSSE064-BA_Elven.esl
254 FE 2c ccBGSSSE063-BA_Ebony.esl
254 FE 2d ccBGSSSE062-BA_DwarvenMail.esl
254 FE 2e ccBGSSSE060-BA_Dragonscale.esl
254 FE 2f ccBGSSSE056-BA_Silver.esl
254 FE 30 ccBGSSSE055-BA_OrcishScaled.esl
254 FE 31 ccBGSSSE053-BA_Leather.esl
254 FE 32 ccBGSSSE051-BA_DaedricMail.esl
254 FE 33 ccBGSSSE057-BA_Stalhrim.esl
254 FE 34 ccBGSSSE066-Staves.esl
11 b ccBGSSSE067-DaedInv.esm
254 FE 35 ccBGSSSE068-Bloodfall.esl
254 FE 36 ccBGSSSE069-Contest.esl
254 FE 37 ccVSVSSE003-NecroArts.esl
254 FE 38 ccVSVSSE004-BeAFarmer.esl
12 c ccBGSSSE025-AdvDSGS.esm
254 FE 39 ccFFBSSE002-CrossbowPack.esl
254 FE 3a ccBGSSSE013-Dawnfang.esl
254 FE 3b ccRMSSSE001-NecroHouse.esl
254 FE 3c ccEDHSSE003-Redguard.esl
254 FE 3d ccEEJSSE004-Hall.esl
13 d ccEEJSSE005-Cave.esm
254 FE 3e ccKRTSSE001_Altar.esl
254 FE 3f ccCBHSSE001-Gaunt.esl
14 e ccAFDSSE001-DweSanctuary.esm
254 FE 40 _ResourcePack.esl
Unofficial Skyrim Special Edition Patch.esp
unofficial skyrim creation club content patch.esl
LegacyoftheDragonborn.esm
Occ_Skyrim_Tamriel.esp
Campfire.esm
FlowerGirls SE.esm
TrueHUD.esl
SurvivalControlPanel.esp
Experience.esl
Schlongs of Skyrim - Core.esm
High Poly Head.esm
Expressive Facegen Morphs.esl
OCPA.esl
SkyUI_SE.esp
SMIM-SE-Merged-All.esp
Audio Overhaul Skyrim.esp
Relationship Dialogue Overhaul.esp
Immersive Jewelry.esp
AI Overhaul.esp
DungeonsRevisited.esp
Hand Placed Enemies.esp
Immersive Encounters.esp
Hothtrooper44_ArmorCompilation.esp
Point The Way.esp
0Kaidan.esp
Cloaks.esp
Immersive Weapons.esp
Summermyst - Enchantments of Skyrim.esp
Wildcat - Combat of Skyrim.esp
ImprovedCompanionsBoogaloo.esp
DBM_IW_Patch.esp
ElysiumEstate.esp
Schlongs of Skyrim.esp
SOS - Shop.esp
Occ_Skyrim-Legacy_of_Dragonborn_patch.esp
isilNarsil.esp
Hothtrooper44_Armor_Ecksstra.esp
LABikiniSSE.esp
icepenguinworldmapclassic.esp
Ars Metallica.esp
Cloaks - Dawnguard.esp
Cloaks - USSEP Patch.esp
My Home Is Your Home.esp
Fenrir Blades.esp
Bijin Warmaidens.esp
RichMerchantsSkyrim_x5.esp
The Huntsman.esp
UIExtensions.esp
RaceMenu.esp
XPMSE.esp
AddItemMenuSE.esp
RaceMenuPlugin.esp
FNIS.esp
DSerArcheryGameplayOverhaul.esp
UltimateCombat.esp
Sarta Sword.esp
VioLens SE.esp
DSerCombatGameplayOverhaul.esp
MithrodinSword.esp
Sarah Follower.esp
SOSRaceMenu.esp
CBBE.esp
RaceMenuMorphsCBBE.esp
NibeneanArmorsAndOutfit.esp
CL's Crissaegrim.esp
MCMHelper.esp
MovementMCO.esp
Lazy Weapon Pack.esp
TrueDirectionalMovement.esp
Precision.esp
AX KaidanArsenal.esp
BetterQuestObjectives.esp
BetterQuestObjectives - LOTD Patch.esp
AX KaidanArmory.esp
SmoothCam.esp
Lazy Weapon Pack 2.esp
ValhallaCombat.esp
Attack_MCO.esp
KatanaCrafting.esp
IA CBBE Patch.esp
ImperialStormcloakRangerSet.esp
12FemaleBrows.esp
Keytrace.esp
scar-adxp-patch.esp
I4IconAddon.esp
Arena.esp
HotKeySkill.esp
BowRapidCombo.esp
beltfastenedquivers.esp
Chesko_WearableLantern.esp
EnhancedAtronachs.esp
BetterThirdPersonSelection.esp
Alternate Dual Wield Weapon Speed.esp
Sojourn Over Signposts.esp
JaxonzMCMKicker.esp
ValhallaBackStabFix.esp
FPSBoost.esp
Insignificant Object Remover.esp
WaitYourTurn.esp
SkyrimReputation_SSE.esp
BuyStatsPerks.esp
Skyrim Reputation Improved.esp
Skyrim Reputation Patch.esp
AutomaticItemStorage.esp
Ursine Armour - Non HDT.esp
weight_usleep.esp
Armor of Intrigue.esp
UnreadBooksGlow.esp
TransmuteSoulGems.esp
SOS - Smurf Average Addon.esp
SOS - VectorPlexus Regular Addon.esp
[dint999] HairPack02.esp
Realistic AI Detection 3 - Medium Interior, Medium Exterior.esp
SlightlyFasterDaggers.esp
Book Of Shadows.esp
Nicos Reversed Daggers.esp
ObiWarpaintsTattoos.esp
ObiTattoos.esp
DBVO.esp
Hydra's Reversed Daggers.esp
BW Lydia.esp
LeftHandRings.esp
ImmersiveJewelryXSummermyst - Unrestricted.esp
DBM_UnreadBooksGlow_Patch.esp
DBM_ImmersiveJewelry_Patch.esp
DBM_CloaksofSkyrim_Patch.esp
DBM_SMIM_Patch.esp
AI Overhaul - RDO Updated Patch.esp
BW ifd Lydia patch.esp
IFDL_BijinAlt_Patch.esp
DBM_IA_Patch.esp
LydiaPatch.esp
LydiaPatchForLOTD.esp
zhenli 1.esp
AkaviriTsurugi.esp
OrcPonytailsForHumans.esp
loki_POISE.esp
KS Hairdo's.esp
OneClickPowerAttackMCM.esp
Immersive Citizens - AI Overhaul.esp
Convenient Horses.esp
Convenient Horses Anniversary Edition Patch.esp
Ordinator - Perks of Skyrim.esp
AutomaticItemStorage - Ordinator Patch.esp
Alternate Start - Live Another Life.esp
BetterQuestObjectives-AlternateStartPatch.esp
nwsFollowerFramework.esp
And here's the left panel modlist :
*DLC: HearthFires *DLC: Dragonborn *DLC: Dawnguard *Creation Club: ccVSVSSE004-BeAFarmer *Creation Club: ccVSVSSE003-NecroArts *Creation Club: ccVSVSSE002-Pets *Creation Club: ccVSVSSE001-Winter *Creation Club: ccTWBSSE001-PuzzleDungeon *Creation Club: ccRMSSSE001-NecroHouse *Creation Club: ccQDRSSE002-Firewood *Creation Club: ccQDRSSE001-SurvivalMode *Creation Club: ccPEWSSE002-ArmsOfChaos *Creation Club: ccMTYSSE002-VE *Creation Club: ccMTYSSE001-KnightsOfTheNine *Creation Club: ccKRTSSE001_Altar *Creation Club: ccFSVSSE001-Backpacks *Creation Club: ccFFBSSE002-CrossbowPack *Creation Club: ccFFBSSE001-ImperialDragon *Creation Club: ccEEJSSE005-Cave *Creation Club: ccEEJSSE004-Hall *Creation Club: ccEEJSSE003-Hollow *Creation Club: ccEEJSSE002-Tower *Creation Club: ccEEJSSE001-Hstead *Creation Club: ccEDHSSE003-Redguard *Creation Club: ccEDHSSE002-SplKntSet *Creation Club: ccEDHSSE001-NorJewel *Creation Club: ccCBHSSE001-Gaunt *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE069-Contest *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE068-Bloodfall *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE067-DaedInv *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE066-Staves *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE064-BA_Elven *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE063-BA_Ebony *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE062-BA_DwarvenMail *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE061-BA_Dwarven *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE060-BA_Dragonscale *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE059-BA_Dragonplate *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE058-BA_Steel *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE057-BA_Stalhrim *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE056-BA_Silver *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE055-BA_OrcishScaled *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE054-BA_Orcish *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE053-BA_Leather *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE052-BA_Iron *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE051-BA_DaedricMail *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE050-BA_Daedric *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE045-Hasedoki *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE043-CrossElv *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE041-NetchLeather *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE040-AdvObGobs *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE038-BowofShadows *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE037-Curios *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE036-PetBWolf *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE035-PetNHound *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE034-MntUni *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE031-AdvCyrus *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE025-AdvDSGS *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE021-LordsMail *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE020-GrayCowl *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE019-StaffofSheogorath *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE018-Shadowrend *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE016-Umbra *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE014-SpellPack01 *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE013-Dawnfang *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE012-HrsArmrStl *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE011-HrsArmrElvn *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE010-PetDwarvenArmoredMudcrab *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE008-Wraithguard *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE007-Chrysamere *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE006-StendarsHammer *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE005-Goldbrand *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE004-RuinsEdge *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE003-Zombies *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE002-ExoticArrows *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE001-Fish *Creation Club: ccASVSSE001-ALMSIVI *Creation Club: ccAFDSSE001-DweSanctuary *Creation Club: _ResourcePack -1.Bug & Game Patches_separator +- USSEP- Unofficial Skyrim Special Edition Patch +First Person Animation Teleport Bug Fix +- USCCCP -Unofficial Skyrim Creation Club Content Patches +Alternate Start - Live Another Life - SSE +SSE Display Tweaks +powerofthree's Tweaks +AddItemMenu - Ultimate Mod Explorer -2.Overhaul and UI_separator +SkyUI +Survival Control Panel +SkyUI Config Tweak - Equipped Items On Top SE +Dear Diary +Dear Diary DM and Paper (Squish) Fixes +Quest Journal Fixes +SkyUI - Survival Mode Integration +SkyUI SE - Difficulty Persistence Fix +Audio Overhaul for Skyrim (4.1.2) +Sound Record Distributor +JContainers SE +ConsoleUtilSSE NG +ConsoleUtilSSE +Dragonborn Voice Over +Dragonborn Voice Over (DBVO) - Plugin Replacer +Geralt DBVO Pack +Talion DBVO Voice Pack +Compass Navigation Overhaul +Infinity UI +UIExtensions +Convenient Horses +Summermyst - Enchantments of Skyrim +Combat Gameplay Overhaul SE +Ultimate Combat SE +Archery Gameplay Overhaul SE +Even Better Quest Objectives SE +SmoothCam +SmoothCam - Modern Camera Preset +MCM Helper +Jaxonz MCM Kicker SE +TrueHUD - HUD Additions +Address Library for SKSE Plugins +Relationship Dialogue Overhaul - RDO SE +AI Overhaul SSE +Ordinator - Perks of Skyrim +RaceMenu +Racemenu Patch GOG +PapyrusUtil SE - Modders Scripting Utility Functions +Wildcat - Combat of Skyrim +A Quality World Map +Attack MCO-DXP +VioLens - A Killmove Mod SE +Movement MCO-DXP +Precision +Raven's Awareness - AC-Valhalla inspired TrueHud color preset +Arena - An Encounter Zone Overhaul +Hand Placed Enemies - More populated spawns dungeons and POIs +Immersive Citizens - AI Overhaul +POISE - Stagger Overhaul SKSE +POISE - Stagger Overhaul - NG +Wait Your Turn - Enemy Circling Behaviour +Nether's Follower Framework +Project New Reign - Nemesis Unlimited Behavior Engine -3.Mission & Quest Mods_separator -4.Environmental Mods_separator -5.Cities,Town Add Ons_separator -6.Building Add Ons ( Within Cities )_separator -7.Plant & Foliage Mods_separator -8.Gameplay Changes & Tweaks_separator +Valhalla Combat +True Directional Movement - Modernized Third Person Gameplay +Campfire - Complete Camping System (Supports Skyrim VR) +-CBBE- Caliente's Beautiful Bodies Enhancer +XP32 Maximum Skeleton Special Extended +XP32 Maximum Skeleton Special Extended - Fixed Scripts +Schlongs of Skyrim SE +Fair Skin Complexion +Flower Girls SE and VR +Better MessageBox Controls +Rich Skyrim Merchants +Experience +Bow Rapid Combo V3 +Compatibility Patch for Archery Gameplay Overhaul (AGO) and XP32 Skeleton Styles MCM +One Click Power Attack MCM +One Click Power Attack NG -9.Animations_separator -Open Animation Replacer -Vanargand Animations - Sword Dual Wield Moveset MCO - SkySA -Vanargand Animations - Dual Wield Normal and Power Attacks -Vanargand Animations - Dual Wield Sneak Thrusts -Vanargand Animations - Dual Wield Sneak Strikes -Vanargand Animations - Archery -Dual Wield Sword MCO Moveset -Borgut1337's Dual Wield Parrying Non-SKSE Random Attacks (Oldrim conversion) -Elder Creed - Odyssey Dual Wield Dagger Moveset -Dual Wielding Unlocker -Elden RIM x DS3 Mashup I Dual wield katana moveset (MCO I SCAR) -ER Dual Wield Sword (MCO) -Vanargand Animations - Sneak idle walk and run -MCO - ADXP - Elder Creed - Blade -3rd Person Dual Wield Animation Fix SSE -Extra Drawing Animations -Disable Turn Animation SE I AE -Paired Animation Improvements -Animation Queue Fix -Animation Motion Revolution -Dynamic Activation Key -Immersive Interactions - Animated Actions -Open Animation Replacer - IED Conditions -Payload Interpreter -10.Texture Mods_separator +Cloaks of Skyrim SSE +Immersive Weapons +Bijin Warmaidens SE +Fenrir Blades +Sarta - Leather Wrapped Sword +Lazy Weapon Pack +Lazy Weapon Pack 2 +CL's Crissaegrim +Isilmeriel LOTR Weapons Collection SSE +Katana Crafting - SE +Mithrodin Sword +The Huntsman SE +Nibenean Armors and Outfit SE - UNP - UNPB - CBBE by Xtudo +Immersive Armors +Immersive Armours - SSE CBBE 3BA BodySlide +Imperial or Stormcloak Ranger Set SE +Kaidan's Arsenal +Kaidan 2 +Sithis Armour - Special Edition +Kaidan's Armory Samurai for HIMBO +Kaidan's Armory +BodySlide and Outfit Studio +Legendary Armors - Bikini SSE Beta +The Bathsheba Body (BSB) +Sarah - My character as a follower SE by Xtudo +Cleaned and Modernized Keybinds - Controlmap.txt +SCAR - Skyrim Combos AI Revolution +SCAR AE Support -Weapon Styles - DrawSheathe Animations for IED +Immersive Equipment Displays +Hot Key Skill +Dynamic Bow Animation +Dynamic Key Action Framework NG +dTry's Key Utils +dTry Plugin Updates +Inventory Interface Information Injector +Belt-Fastened Quivers +Better Jumping SE +Spell Perk Item Distributor +Enhanced Atronachs - With Levelling and Luminosity +Enemy (R)Evolution of Skyrim - EEOS +Wearable Lanterns +Dungeons - Revisited +Better Third Person Selection - BTPS +Immersive World Encounters SE +Elysium Estate SSE +Point The Way +Sojourn Over Signposts - Witcher-Style Fast Travel Alternative +Alternate Dual Wield Weapon Speed +Valhalla Combat - Backstab Bug Fix +Trainwreck - A Crash Logger +Backported Extended ESL Support +powerofthree's Papyrus Extender +eFPS - Exterior FPS boost +eFPS - Official Patch Hub +Low Resolution Particles +Insignificant Object Remover +SSE Engine Fixes (skse64 plugin) +Papyrus Tweaks NG +Skyrim Priority SE AE - CPU Performance FPS Optimizer +My Home is Your Home +Ars Metallica - Smithing Enhancement +Sovngarde - A Nordic Font +Skyrim Reputation +Skyrim Reputation - Fixed and Patched +Skyrim Reputation Improved +Buy Stats and Perks +Automatic Item Storage +AutomaticItemStorage - Ordinator Patch +Reduced weight of Ingredients and Potions +Armor of Intrigue SE +Grandmaster Ursine Armour - Special Edition +Behavior Data Injector Universal Support +Unread Books Glow SSE +Experience - MCM +Legacy of the Dragonborn +Legacy of the Dragonborn Patches (Official) +Security Overhaul SKSE - Lock Variations +Transmute Soul Gem +Book Of Shadows - Behaviour Based Stealth Additions +Realistic AI Detection (RAID) +Nicos Reversed Daggers +Reversed Daggers Moveset for MCO +Hydra's Reversed Daggers +Hydra's Reversed Daggers Keyword patch for MCO Reversed Daggers Moveset +Slightly Faster Daggers +Fuz Ro D-oh - Silent Voice +High Poly Head SE +Obi's Warpaints 2K +Obi's Tattoos 3BA 4K +Hairpack +Tempered Skins for Males - Nude Version +Tryael - The True Nord - Male Nord Preset +Ragnar and Brenna - Nord Presets for Racemenu +Immersive Jewelry SSE +Static Mesh Improvement Mod +Dialogue Interface ReShaped +Sarah as Lydia - Improved Follower Dialogue - Lydia patch +Lydia - Private Version - High Poly Head +Lydia Private Version +Improved Follower Dialogue - Lydia +Expressive Facial Animation -Female Edition- +Expressive Facegen Morphs SE +Bijin Warmaidens Patch Improved Follower Dialogue Lydia +Akaviri Tsurugi +Su Zhen li Two weapons +Left Hand Rings Modified SE +Bug Fixes SSE +Summermyst X Immersive Jewelry +AI Overhaul SSE - Official Patch Hub +Wearable Lanterns MCM Fixed No DLL Error +Dear Diary Paper Anniversary Edition Main Menu Patch +KS Hairdos SSE +Orc Shaved Ponytails for Humans SE +Nemesis Animation +Papyrus Ini Manipulator +Behavior Data Injector
submitted by Exotic_Revenue7013 to skyrimmods [link] [comments]
Here's my plugin modlist if it helps
0 0 Skyrim.esm
1 1 Update.esm
2 2 Dawnguard.esm
3 3 HearthFires.esm
4 4 Dragonborn.esm
5 5 ccASVSSE001-ALMSIVI.esm
6 6 ccBGSSSE001-Fish.esm
254 FE 0 ccBGSSSE002-ExoticArrows.esl
254 FE 1 ccBGSSSE003-Zombies.esl
254 FE 2 ccBGSSSE004-RuinsEdge.esl
254 FE 3 ccBGSSSE005-Goldbrand.esl
254 FE 4 ccBGSSSE006-StendarsHammer.esl
254 FE 5 ccBGSSSE007-Chrysamere.esl
254 FE 6 ccBGSSSE010-PetDwarvenArmoredMudcrab.esl
254 FE 7 ccBGSSSE011-HrsArmrElvn.esl
254 FE 8 ccBGSSSE012-HrsArmrStl.esl
254 FE 9 ccBGSSSE014-SpellPack01.esl
254 FE a ccBGSSSE019-StaffofSheogorath.esl
254 FE b ccBGSSSE020-GrayCowl.esl
254 FE c ccBGSSSE021-LordsMail.esl
254 FE d ccMTYSSE001-KnightsOfTheNine.esl
254 FE e ccQDRSSE001-SurvivalMode.esl
7 7 ccTWBSSE001-PuzzleDungeon.esm
8 8 ccEEJSSE001-Hstead.esm
254 FE f ccQDRSSE002-Firewood.esl
254 FE 10 ccBGSSSE018-Shadowrend.esl
254 FE 11 ccBGSSSE035-PetNHound.esl
254 FE 12 ccFSVSSE001-Backpacks.esl
254 FE 13 ccEEJSSE002-Tower.esl
254 FE 14 ccEDHSSE001-NorJewel.esl
254 FE 15 ccVSVSSE002-Pets.esl
254 FE 16 ccBGSSSE037-Curios.esl
254 FE 17 ccBGSSSE034-MntUni.esl
254 FE 18 ccBGSSSE045-Hasedoki.esl
254 FE 19 ccBGSSSE008-Wraithguard.esl
254 FE 1a ccBGSSSE036-PetBWolf.esl
254 FE 1b ccFFBSSE001-ImperialDragon.esl
254 FE 1c ccMTYSSE002-VE.esl
254 FE 1d ccBGSSSE043-CrossElv.esl
254 FE 1e ccVSVSSE001-Winter.esl
254 FE 1f ccEEJSSE003-Hollow.esl
9 9 ccBGSSSE016-Umbra.esm
10 a ccBGSSSE031-AdvCyrus.esm
254 FE 20 ccBGSSSE038-BowofShadows.esl
254 FE 21 ccBGSSSE040-AdvObGobs.esl
254 FE 22 ccBGSSSE050-BA_Daedric.esl
254 FE 23 ccBGSSSE052-BA_Iron.esl
254 FE 24 ccBGSSSE054-BA_Orcish.esl
254 FE 25 ccBGSSSE058-BA_Steel.esl
254 FE 26 ccBGSSSE059-BA_Dragonplate.esl
254 FE 27 ccBGSSSE061-BA_Dwarven.esl
254 FE 28 ccPEWSSE002-ArmsOfChaos.esl
254 FE 29 ccBGSSSE041-NetchLeather.esl
254 FE 2a ccEDHSSE002-SplKntSet.esl
254 FE 2b ccBGSSSE064-BA_Elven.esl
254 FE 2c ccBGSSSE063-BA_Ebony.esl
254 FE 2d ccBGSSSE062-BA_DwarvenMail.esl
254 FE 2e ccBGSSSE060-BA_Dragonscale.esl
254 FE 2f ccBGSSSE056-BA_Silver.esl
254 FE 30 ccBGSSSE055-BA_OrcishScaled.esl
254 FE 31 ccBGSSSE053-BA_Leather.esl
254 FE 32 ccBGSSSE051-BA_DaedricMail.esl
254 FE 33 ccBGSSSE057-BA_Stalhrim.esl
254 FE 34 ccBGSSSE066-Staves.esl
11 b ccBGSSSE067-DaedInv.esm
254 FE 35 ccBGSSSE068-Bloodfall.esl
254 FE 36 ccBGSSSE069-Contest.esl
254 FE 37 ccVSVSSE003-NecroArts.esl
254 FE 38 ccVSVSSE004-BeAFarmer.esl
12 c ccBGSSSE025-AdvDSGS.esm
254 FE 39 ccFFBSSE002-CrossbowPack.esl
254 FE 3a ccBGSSSE013-Dawnfang.esl
254 FE 3b ccRMSSSE001-NecroHouse.esl
254 FE 3c ccEDHSSE003-Redguard.esl
254 FE 3d ccEEJSSE004-Hall.esl
13 d ccEEJSSE005-Cave.esm
254 FE 3e ccKRTSSE001_Altar.esl
254 FE 3f ccCBHSSE001-Gaunt.esl
14 e ccAFDSSE001-DweSanctuary.esm
254 FE 40 _ResourcePack.esl
Unofficial Skyrim Special Edition Patch.esp
unofficial skyrim creation club content patch.esl
LegacyoftheDragonborn.esm
Occ_Skyrim_Tamriel.esp
Campfire.esm
FlowerGirls SE.esm
TrueHUD.esl
SurvivalControlPanel.esp
Experience.esl
Schlongs of Skyrim - Core.esm
High Poly Head.esm
Expressive Facegen Morphs.esl
OCPA.esl
SkyUI_SE.esp
SMIM-SE-Merged-All.esp
Audio Overhaul Skyrim.esp
Relationship Dialogue Overhaul.esp
Immersive Jewelry.esp
AI Overhaul.esp
DungeonsRevisited.esp
Hand Placed Enemies.esp
Immersive Encounters.esp
Hothtrooper44_ArmorCompilation.esp
Point The Way.esp
0Kaidan.esp
Cloaks.esp
Immersive Weapons.esp
Summermyst - Enchantments of Skyrim.esp
Wildcat - Combat of Skyrim.esp
ImprovedCompanionsBoogaloo.esp
DBM_IW_Patch.esp
ElysiumEstate.esp
Schlongs of Skyrim.esp
SOS - Shop.esp
Occ_Skyrim-Legacy_of_Dragonborn_patch.esp
isilNarsil.esp
Hothtrooper44_Armor_Ecksstra.esp
LABikiniSSE.esp
icepenguinworldmapclassic.esp
Ars Metallica.esp
Cloaks - Dawnguard.esp
Cloaks - USSEP Patch.esp
My Home Is Your Home.esp
Fenrir Blades.esp
Bijin Warmaidens.esp
RichMerchantsSkyrim_x5.esp
The Huntsman.esp
UIExtensions.esp
RaceMenu.esp
XPMSE.esp
AddItemMenuSE.esp
RaceMenuPlugin.esp
FNIS.esp
DSerArcheryGameplayOverhaul.esp
UltimateCombat.esp
Sarta Sword.esp
VioLens SE.esp
DSerCombatGameplayOverhaul.esp
MithrodinSword.esp
Sarah Follower.esp
SOSRaceMenu.esp
CBBE.esp
RaceMenuMorphsCBBE.esp
NibeneanArmorsAndOutfit.esp
CL's Crissaegrim.esp
MCMHelper.esp
MovementMCO.esp
Lazy Weapon Pack.esp
TrueDirectionalMovement.esp
Precision.esp
AX KaidanArsenal.esp
BetterQuestObjectives.esp
BetterQuestObjectives - LOTD Patch.esp
AX KaidanArmory.esp
SmoothCam.esp
Lazy Weapon Pack 2.esp
ValhallaCombat.esp
Attack_MCO.esp
KatanaCrafting.esp
IA CBBE Patch.esp
ImperialStormcloakRangerSet.esp
12FemaleBrows.esp
Keytrace.esp
scar-adxp-patch.esp
I4IconAddon.esp
Arena.esp
HotKeySkill.esp
BowRapidCombo.esp
beltfastenedquivers.esp
Chesko_WearableLantern.esp
EnhancedAtronachs.esp
BetterThirdPersonSelection.esp
Alternate Dual Wield Weapon Speed.esp
Sojourn Over Signposts.esp
JaxonzMCMKicker.esp
ValhallaBackStabFix.esp
FPSBoost.esp
Insignificant Object Remover.esp
WaitYourTurn.esp
SkyrimReputation_SSE.esp
BuyStatsPerks.esp
Skyrim Reputation Improved.esp
Skyrim Reputation Patch.esp
AutomaticItemStorage.esp
Ursine Armour - Non HDT.esp
weight_usleep.esp
Armor of Intrigue.esp
UnreadBooksGlow.esp
TransmuteSoulGems.esp
SOS - Smurf Average Addon.esp
SOS - VectorPlexus Regular Addon.esp
[dint999] HairPack02.esp
Realistic AI Detection 3 - Medium Interior, Medium Exterior.esp
SlightlyFasterDaggers.esp
Book Of Shadows.esp
Nicos Reversed Daggers.esp
ObiWarpaintsTattoos.esp
ObiTattoos.esp
DBVO.esp
Hydra's Reversed Daggers.esp
BW Lydia.esp
LeftHandRings.esp
ImmersiveJewelryXSummermyst - Unrestricted.esp
DBM_UnreadBooksGlow_Patch.esp
DBM_ImmersiveJewelry_Patch.esp
DBM_CloaksofSkyrim_Patch.esp
DBM_SMIM_Patch.esp
AI Overhaul - RDO Updated Patch.esp
BW ifd Lydia patch.esp
IFDL_BijinAlt_Patch.esp
DBM_IA_Patch.esp
LydiaPatch.esp
LydiaPatchForLOTD.esp
zhenli 1.esp
AkaviriTsurugi.esp
OrcPonytailsForHumans.esp
loki_POISE.esp
KS Hairdo's.esp
OneClickPowerAttackMCM.esp
Immersive Citizens - AI Overhaul.esp
Convenient Horses.esp
Convenient Horses Anniversary Edition Patch.esp
Ordinator - Perks of Skyrim.esp
AutomaticItemStorage - Ordinator Patch.esp
Alternate Start - Live Another Life.esp
BetterQuestObjectives-AlternateStartPatch.esp
nwsFollowerFramework.esp
And here's the left panel modlist :
*DLC: HearthFires *DLC: Dragonborn *DLC: Dawnguard *Creation Club: ccVSVSSE004-BeAFarmer *Creation Club: ccVSVSSE003-NecroArts *Creation Club: ccVSVSSE002-Pets *Creation Club: ccVSVSSE001-Winter *Creation Club: ccTWBSSE001-PuzzleDungeon *Creation Club: ccRMSSSE001-NecroHouse *Creation Club: ccQDRSSE002-Firewood *Creation Club: ccQDRSSE001-SurvivalMode *Creation Club: ccPEWSSE002-ArmsOfChaos *Creation Club: ccMTYSSE002-VE *Creation Club: ccMTYSSE001-KnightsOfTheNine *Creation Club: ccKRTSSE001_Altar *Creation Club: ccFSVSSE001-Backpacks *Creation Club: ccFFBSSE002-CrossbowPack *Creation Club: ccFFBSSE001-ImperialDragon *Creation Club: ccEEJSSE005-Cave *Creation Club: ccEEJSSE004-Hall *Creation Club: ccEEJSSE003-Hollow *Creation Club: ccEEJSSE002-Tower *Creation Club: ccEEJSSE001-Hstead *Creation Club: ccEDHSSE003-Redguard *Creation Club: ccEDHSSE002-SplKntSet *Creation Club: ccEDHSSE001-NorJewel *Creation Club: ccCBHSSE001-Gaunt *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE069-Contest *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE068-Bloodfall *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE067-DaedInv *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE066-Staves *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE064-BA_Elven *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE063-BA_Ebony *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE062-BA_DwarvenMail *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE061-BA_Dwarven *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE060-BA_Dragonscale *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE059-BA_Dragonplate *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE058-BA_Steel *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE057-BA_Stalhrim *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE056-BA_Silver *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE055-BA_OrcishScaled *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE054-BA_Orcish *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE053-BA_Leather *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE052-BA_Iron *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE051-BA_DaedricMail *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE050-BA_Daedric *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE045-Hasedoki *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE043-CrossElv *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE041-NetchLeather *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE040-AdvObGobs *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE038-BowofShadows *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE037-Curios *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE036-PetBWolf *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE035-PetNHound *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE034-MntUni *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE031-AdvCyrus *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE025-AdvDSGS *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE021-LordsMail *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE020-GrayCowl *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE019-StaffofSheogorath *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE018-Shadowrend *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE016-Umbra *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE014-SpellPack01 *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE013-Dawnfang *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE012-HrsArmrStl *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE011-HrsArmrElvn *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE010-PetDwarvenArmoredMudcrab *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE008-Wraithguard *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE007-Chrysamere *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE006-StendarsHammer *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE005-Goldbrand *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE004-RuinsEdge *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE003-Zombies *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE002-ExoticArrows *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE001-Fish *Creation Club: ccASVSSE001-ALMSIVI *Creation Club: ccAFDSSE001-DweSanctuary *Creation Club: _ResourcePack -1.Bug & Game Patches_separator +- USSEP- Unofficial Skyrim Special Edition Patch +First Person Animation Teleport Bug Fix +- USCCCP -Unofficial Skyrim Creation Club Content Patches +Alternate Start - Live Another Life - SSE +SSE Display Tweaks +powerofthree's Tweaks +AddItemMenu - Ultimate Mod Explorer -2.Overhaul and UI_separator +SkyUI +Survival Control Panel +SkyUI Config Tweak - Equipped Items On Top SE +Dear Diary +Dear Diary DM and Paper (Squish) Fixes +Quest Journal Fixes +SkyUI - Survival Mode Integration +SkyUI SE - Difficulty Persistence Fix +Audio Overhaul for Skyrim (4.1.2) +Sound Record Distributor +JContainers SE +ConsoleUtilSSE NG +ConsoleUtilSSE +Dragonborn Voice Over +Dragonborn Voice Over (DBVO) - Plugin Replacer +Geralt DBVO Pack +Talion DBVO Voice Pack +Compass Navigation Overhaul +Infinity UI +UIExtensions +Convenient Horses +Summermyst - Enchantments of Skyrim +Combat Gameplay Overhaul SE +Ultimate Combat SE +Archery Gameplay Overhaul SE +Even Better Quest Objectives SE +SmoothCam +SmoothCam - Modern Camera Preset +MCM Helper +Jaxonz MCM Kicker SE +TrueHUD - HUD Additions +Address Library for SKSE Plugins +Relationship Dialogue Overhaul - RDO SE +AI Overhaul SSE +Ordinator - Perks of Skyrim +RaceMenu +Racemenu Patch GOG +PapyrusUtil SE - Modders Scripting Utility Functions +Wildcat - Combat of Skyrim +A Quality World Map +Attack MCO-DXP +VioLens - A Killmove Mod SE +Movement MCO-DXP +Precision +Raven's Awareness - AC-Valhalla inspired TrueHud color preset +Arena - An Encounter Zone Overhaul +Hand Placed Enemies - More populated spawns dungeons and POIs +Immersive Citizens - AI Overhaul +POISE - Stagger Overhaul SKSE +POISE - Stagger Overhaul - NG +Wait Your Turn - Enemy Circling Behaviour +Nether's Follower Framework +Project New Reign - Nemesis Unlimited Behavior Engine -3.Mission & Quest Mods_separator -4.Environmental Mods_separator -5.Cities,Town Add Ons_separator -6.Building Add Ons ( Within Cities )_separator -7.Plant & Foliage Mods_separator -8.Gameplay Changes & Tweaks_separator +Valhalla Combat +True Directional Movement - Modernized Third Person Gameplay +Campfire - Complete Camping System (Supports Skyrim VR) +-CBBE- Caliente's Beautiful Bodies Enhancer +XP32 Maximum Skeleton Special Extended +XP32 Maximum Skeleton Special Extended - Fixed Scripts +Schlongs of Skyrim SE +Fair Skin Complexion +Flower Girls SE and VR +Better MessageBox Controls +Rich Skyrim Merchants +Experience +Bow Rapid Combo V3 +Compatibility Patch for Archery Gameplay Overhaul (AGO) and XP32 Skeleton Styles MCM +One Click Power Attack MCM +One Click Power Attack NG -9.Animations_separator -Open Animation Replacer -Vanargand Animations - Sword Dual Wield Moveset MCO - SkySA -Vanargand Animations - Dual Wield Normal and Power Attacks -Vanargand Animations - Dual Wield Sneak Thrusts -Vanargand Animations - Dual Wield Sneak Strikes -Vanargand Animations - Archery -Dual Wield Sword MCO Moveset -Borgut1337's Dual Wield Parrying Non-SKSE Random Attacks (Oldrim conversion) -Elder Creed - Odyssey Dual Wield Dagger Moveset -Dual Wielding Unlocker -Elden RIM x DS3 Mashup I Dual wield katana moveset (MCO I SCAR) -ER Dual Wield Sword (MCO) -Vanargand Animations - Sneak idle walk and run -MCO - ADXP - Elder Creed - Blade -3rd Person Dual Wield Animation Fix SSE -Extra Drawing Animations -Disable Turn Animation SE I AE -Paired Animation Improvements -Animation Queue Fix -Animation Motion Revolution -Dynamic Activation Key -Immersive Interactions - Animated Actions -Open Animation Replacer - IED Conditions -Payload Interpreter -10.Texture Mods_separator +Cloaks of Skyrim SSE +Immersive Weapons +Bijin Warmaidens SE +Fenrir Blades +Sarta - Leather Wrapped Sword +Lazy Weapon Pack +Lazy Weapon Pack 2 +CL's Crissaegrim +Isilmeriel LOTR Weapons Collection SSE +Katana Crafting - SE +Mithrodin Sword +The Huntsman SE +Nibenean Armors and Outfit SE - UNP - UNPB - CBBE by Xtudo +Immersive Armors +Immersive Armours - SSE CBBE 3BA BodySlide +Imperial or Stormcloak Ranger Set SE +Kaidan's Arsenal +Kaidan 2 +Sithis Armour - Special Edition +Kaidan's Armory Samurai for HIMBO +Kaidan's Armory +BodySlide and Outfit Studio +Legendary Armors - Bikini SSE Beta +The Bathsheba Body (BSB) +Sarah - My character as a follower SE by Xtudo +Cleaned and Modernized Keybinds - Controlmap.txt +SCAR - Skyrim Combos AI Revolution +SCAR AE Support -Weapon Styles - DrawSheathe Animations for IED +Immersive Equipment Displays +Hot Key Skill +Dynamic Bow Animation +Dynamic Key Action Framework NG +dTry's Key Utils +dTry Plugin Updates +Inventory Interface Information Injector +Belt-Fastened Quivers +Better Jumping SE +Spell Perk Item Distributor +Enhanced Atronachs - With Levelling and Luminosity +Enemy (R)Evolution of Skyrim - EEOS +Wearable Lanterns +Dungeons - Revisited +Better Third Person Selection - BTPS +Immersive World Encounters SE +Elysium Estate SSE +Point The Way +Sojourn Over Signposts - Witcher-Style Fast Travel Alternative +Alternate Dual Wield Weapon Speed +Valhalla Combat - Backstab Bug Fix +Trainwreck - A Crash Logger +Backported Extended ESL Support +powerofthree's Papyrus Extender +eFPS - Exterior FPS boost +eFPS - Official Patch Hub +Low Resolution Particles +Insignificant Object Remover +SSE Engine Fixes (skse64 plugin) +Papyrus Tweaks NG +Skyrim Priority SE AE - CPU Performance FPS Optimizer +My Home is Your Home +Ars Metallica - Smithing Enhancement +Sovngarde - A Nordic Font +Skyrim Reputation +Skyrim Reputation - Fixed and Patched +Skyrim Reputation Improved +Buy Stats and Perks +Automatic Item Storage +AutomaticItemStorage - Ordinator Patch +Reduced weight of Ingredients and Potions +Armor of Intrigue SE +Grandmaster Ursine Armour - Special Edition +Behavior Data Injector Universal Support +Unread Books Glow SSE +Experience - MCM +Legacy of the Dragonborn +Legacy of the Dragonborn Patches (Official) +Security Overhaul SKSE - Lock Variations +Transmute Soul Gem +Book Of Shadows - Behaviour Based Stealth Additions +Realistic AI Detection (RAID) +Nicos Reversed Daggers +Reversed Daggers Moveset for MCO +Hydra's Reversed Daggers +Hydra's Reversed Daggers Keyword patch for MCO Reversed Daggers Moveset +Slightly Faster Daggers +Fuz Ro D-oh - Silent Voice +High Poly Head SE +Obi's Warpaints 2K +Obi's Tattoos 3BA 4K +Hairpack +Tempered Skins for Males - Nude Version +Tryael - The True Nord - Male Nord Preset +Ragnar and Brenna - Nord Presets for Racemenu +Immersive Jewelry SSE +Static Mesh Improvement Mod +Dialogue Interface ReShaped +Sarah as Lydia - Improved Follower Dialogue - Lydia patch +Lydia - Private Version - High Poly Head +Lydia Private Version +Improved Follower Dialogue - Lydia +Expressive Facial Animation -Female Edition- +Expressive Facegen Morphs SE +Bijin Warmaidens Patch Improved Follower Dialogue Lydia +Akaviri Tsurugi +Su Zhen li Two weapons +Left Hand Rings Modified SE +Bug Fixes SSE +Summermyst X Immersive Jewelry +AI Overhaul SSE - Official Patch Hub +Wearable Lanterns MCM Fixed No DLL Error +Dear Diary Paper Anniversary Edition Main Menu Patch +KS Hairdos SSE +Orc Shaved Ponytails for Humans SE +Nemesis Animation +Papyrus Ini Manipulator +Behavior Data Injector
2024.05.14 06:03 UltimateOverlord Writer here, what would the most likely charges be in a semi-accidental shooting at a school?
Hey there! I'm working on a story in my head and wanted to know what the likely charges would be for a would-be shooter in a rather complex situation. Specifically:
submitted by UltimateOverlord to Ask_Lawyers [link] [comments]
- The shooter (who is in an extremely distraught mental condition to begin with) brought a gun from their home, owned by their police commissioner father and stored in a gun safe they know the combination to beforehand for the sake of home safety/self defense, to school with the intention of killing a specific person
- They pull out the gun in class and aim it at the intended target, who begins laying into them as a result of not taking the situation seriously
- A law enforcement officer who had a premonition of this happening (assume this premonition has no legal bearing otherwise) draws his firearm in the classroom and manages to almost talk the shooter down, and they're moments away from dropping the weapon when...
- The intended target suddenly loses her temper, demands the officer stops "coddling" the shooter, and attempts to grab the firearm from her
- This results in the weapon discharging into her chest and the bullet hitting another person just behind her. While they are both severely injured, the intended target with a sucking chest wound that results in part of her lung having to be removed, and the person behind her getting hit in the side of the chest but not passing all the way through, neither of them end up dying
- The shooter panics, essentially (and provably) dissociates, and runs out, firing the weapon at several people in the hall but ultimately not hitting anybody else, before the officer manages to talk her down on the roof
2024.05.14 04:08 AgenderAstronomer [USA][H] Used OLED Switch LoZ Edition Lot w/ Console, Dock, Acc, LoZ Zengrip. Poke Shining Pearl, Poke Shield, Sanrio Case [W] Paypal
Selling multiple switch items. See pictures here.
Items in LoZ Lot:
Total for lot: $275
-----‐-------------------------------------
Individually for sale:
- Pokemon Shield (with blank case, no insert): $20 SOLD
Every item comes with free shipping via USPS. From a home with cats.
submitted by AgenderAstronomer to GameSale [link] [comments]
Items in LoZ Lot:
- LoZ edition oled switch (excellent condition, with fresh tempered glass protector)
- Matching dock with cables, joy-cons, straps, and grip
- Matching Zengrip Pro
Total for lot: $275
-----‐-------------------------------------
Individually for sale:
- Pokemon Shining Pearl (with case, no insert): $30
- Sanrio carrying case (does not fit zengrip): $30
Every item comes with free shipping via USPS. From a home with cats.
2024.05.14 01:18 sonhv [USA-CA] [H] Green S23 Ultra 256GB and Phantom Black S23 Plus 256GB[W] Local Cash and PayPal
I just recently upgraded to S24 Ultra, so I'm selling 2 old phones in like new condition. They have been in the case and gotten tempered glass protector installed since out of the box. Both phones will come with original box and un-used accessories.
I bought it from Spectrum and paid it out in full, so both phones have been unlocked and be able to use with other carriers. I was using both phones on T-mobile previously and had no problems with it.
Green S23 Ultra (SM-918U) + Used Black Spigen S23 Ultra Tough Armor -- Asking $650 for local and $670 ship
Phantom Black S23 Plus 256gb (SM-916U) + Used Gunmetal S23 Plus Tough Armor + 1 pack amFilm S23 Plus Tempered Glass -- Asking $450 for local and $470 ship
Timestamp
Local to zip code 92868.
submitted by sonhv to hardwareswap [link] [comments]
I bought it from Spectrum and paid it out in full, so both phones have been unlocked and be able to use with other carriers. I was using both phones on T-mobile previously and had no problems with it.
Green S23 Ultra (SM-918U) + Used Black Spigen S23 Ultra Tough Armor -- Asking $650 for local and $670 ship
Phantom Black S23 Plus 256gb (SM-916U) + Used Gunmetal S23 Plus Tough Armor + 1 pack amFilm S23 Plus Tempered Glass -- Asking $450 for local and $470 ship
Timestamp
Local to zip code 92868.
2024.05.14 00:12 Bowazon_ Season 4 Heartseeker Victimise Rogue Guide by Bowa
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Season 4 Heartseeker Planner Links
How it worksHeartseeker is one of the Rogue’s ranged basic attacks that has a reliable chance of hitting its targets.Although Heartseeker is reliable in that respect, its damage potential was very limited throughout Diablo 4 history due to its lower base damage compared to core skills and combo points and because it had no way of delivering imbuement effects, inflicting area of effect (AoE) damage or taking advantage of the huge damage bonus from precision. While basic skills still can’t be imbued and precision doesn’t work with basic skills, Heartseeker’s main obstacles have been solved:
Also, because Heartseeker tracks targets, this can be used safely and reliably to deal damage to enemies from afar. As enemies then agro towards you from a distance and converge closer and closer together as they approach you, this allows your AoE explosions to deal more damage the more tightly packed enemies become. Pros
Victimise has interactions with your original attacks that result in your damage output being affected by double dipping. This means that certain buffs and debuffs boost your damage twice, usually in 2 different stages of your full damage calculation. Victimise bases its damage based on a percentage of damage that your Heartseeker hits do. For example, if Heartseeker does 10,000 damage and Victimise does 300% of your original (Heartseeker) damage, then Victimise explosions will do 30,000 damage. If then your Heartseeker damage is increased by buffs and debuffs that result in Heartseeker doing more damage against its targets, then this will increase the base damage of Victimise. For example, if the Control glyph + Exploit Weakness debuffs increase Heartseeker’s damage by 50%, then Heartseeker will now do 15,000 damage, and Victimise is expected to do 45,000 damage (because Victimise does 300% of your Heartseeker damage). However in this case, when Heartseeker results in a Victimise explosion and hits the same targets that are affected by the Control glyph + Exploit Weakness debuffs, then Victimise itself also gains the benefits from these debuffs, and its final damage will increase from 45,000 damage to 67,500 damage, or in other words 30,000 x 1.5 x 1.5 = 67,500 damage. Known interactions that double dip with Victimise:
To put things into perspective, while playing in the PTR, I noticed my Barrage hits that were doing 1.1 million damage were procing Victimise explosions that were doing almost 12 million damage. With Heartseeker, our damage per hit with Heartseeker and Victimise explosions will do much more damage, and Victimise explosions will occur more often. https://preview.redd.it/bjskc65ro90d1.png?width=756&format=png&auto=webp&s=5d30f050350d11604ee1a341efc7aee86d75a4ab The BuildSkills
Inner Sight, purely for the 25% critical strike chance bonus once every few moments. Passive Effects
Paragon
Stats/Gear PrioritiesSummary
We want to have as many CC applying effects from our tempering mods as possible across Boots, Pants, Gloves, Chest and Head gear pieces. The possible CC applying effects available from tempering are:
Bow vs Crossbow As a basic principle, bows shoot 22% faster and crossbows deal 22% more damage. However, some nuanced stuff should be noted:
Swords vs Daggers We use Heartseeker for our “core” attacks, so we will only rely on our swords or daggers for their damage bonuses. Swords come with extra critical strike damage and daggers come with extra damage versus close enemies. Given that we will have a high amount of critical strike chance with this build and we may be fighting from afar quite often, going with swords is more ideal for this build. Survivability For survivability, there are a few things that will help us here.
LevellingAt the start of your levelling journey, you should follow any other levelling guide out there that uses Rapid Fire, Barrage or Penetrating Shot and use combo points. Once you reach the key passives at the bottom of your skill tree, you should use Precision for the foreseeable future.There are a few key ingredients that you should get before switching over to using Heartseeker and Victimise: Heartseeker:
High-end PitIn high-end Pit content, even trash enemies will take a little while to kill. This will force you to use your Caltrops, Smoke Grenade and other tools more often to maintain an efficient clear speed. With this in mind, see the notes below on the changes to make from the standard build.
Boss Attack Rotation
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2024.05.13 23:55 sadallthetimeagain [1127] Moving Right Along
I felt myself getting a little heated in today's CASA group discussions about "trauma." For every 10 times you'll hear that word, "resilience" will come up maybe once. I think most of us are aware of how arm-chairy and buzzworthy trauma and therapy have become. It's one of the latest cultural trends that facilitate a fluidity to presumed-more-informed conversation, without the practice of developing finer lines of understanding and distinction.
On the basis of your invocation of "trauma" you can rush to provide "help" and "services" and begin blaming an incredible amount of "mental health issues" or "unresolved childhoods." It's literally the cliche of a freshman's behavior after enrolling in their first college psychology course on blast. They've already invoked unsubstantiated pseudo-science and pop-culture explicitly not psychology as tools to provide frameworks for understanding your families. When someone infers substance abuse from a story just because the accusation was levied or any kind of drug was referenced at any level, their conclusions or assumptions go unchecked. It's predictably baking a recipe for an unnecessary mess on top of whatever the family is going through.
You can feel the tension every time you speak in "checking" ways. This happens to me routinely. One of the presenters spoke to the biased and incomplete ways that foster parents or aggravated family members might speak to the nature of the case or anyone's character. I pointed out that case managers can leave out details and massage stories to fit their ends as well. That got ignored and we moved right along. It's a real concern, and you need to know how to protect your relationship with someone who might be specifically directed to undermine your effort to advocate with the evidence.
But it doesn't feel "pleasant" or "decent" when you "want to believe the best" about your colleagues. Is it less true? Absolutely not. I was literally forced into that position from predatory supervisors and watched dipshit coworkers skip along those disingenuous lines without hesitation. Anecdotes fawning over better-inclined and capable FCMs do nothing to erase that.
So I started thinking about "discomfort" broadly. Another concept that's been wholesale abused. We needed to be way too on guard for what or whether we said might be a "micro aggression" or would cause someone to feel "unsafe" or "uncomfortable." Again, our pop psychology and propensity to overstate the noisiest out-ragers, made it so critical thinking and doubt became sinful in and of themselves. Facts don't matter in that space. "Being heard" is afforded only if you're claiming victimhood, but then, only victimhood of a certain type. The own-goal that is reactionary politics when you forgo any genuine attempt at taking someone's, almost certainly mostly irrational but nonetheless real, concern seriously is the ongoing consequence we get to suffer.
I think the more you practice observing conversational patterns, word choices, and trends, you can start to see previously "abstract" things considerably more acutely. One thing I notice is a propensity for "moving right along." I don't care what the topic is, there's a "normal" pace and pater that is preferred. Violate that, and it's time to move on. Point out the failings of the people you're supposed to trust most or even ingratiate yourself to? Let's move right along into the next module, as we all know there's nothing much more to say about that.
Another pattern I notice is the "taken aback pause." It's not precisely a reaction to being "offended," but it's a stark enough detail or way of relaying information that who you're speaking with was not prepared to engage that intensely. If they're quick, it'll be a brink-of-condescending acknowledgement before moving-right-along, or if they're not quick, it'll be a placating obfuscating of what you said to "even things out."Again, these are imprecise norms of conversational behavior around the particulars of one culture at one point in time, but they're real and of consequence whether or not you can see them.
When we use the word "bias," we let ourselves off the hook on the myriad ways it manifests. We let "bias" obscure in the opposite way that we let "trauma" obscure. Trauma is abused to over-explain what should be considered a necessary series of responses or consequences. Bias is abused to overlook how deeply it colors your propensity to engage that over-explaining behavior. You are biased, first and foremost, to your subjective experience of reality. In my experience, almost no one is that clued into their own flow of experience. Even the ones that are, or are showing the most growth and evidence, struggle, and will struggle indefinitely. This includes myself.
That's the point, though. You need the struggle to keep your wits about you. You need appropriate stressors against the things that will help you grow and incorporate. By definition, norms put that insistence to the side so we can all find a baseline mutual understanding to move right along down. The more cliched you sound, if you don't have a reflex to pause and pull back, the more you're training yourself to believe and act on "just whatever it is you say." You're a circular and totalitarian monster by default.
Add to that, you may not have any real ability or willingness to recognize how many cliches you truly are under the spell of. This is what the unironic attempts around discussions of "privilege" do a generally miserable job of explaining. We all have privileges up and down hierarchies and competencies and dozens of other metrics we fluidly transition through all day. None are necessarily going to jar you awake or indicate there's anything worth examining on their own. Your cohort speaks your language. Your education taught you the "right" things. Your hobbies and interests conform to a person of your state and stature. "It's just how things are done."
This provokes people's insecurity as a standing state of a lack of readiness. When you poke people, you'll find they don't have "real" reasons for their behavior, beliefs, or words. It's all been handed to them. They're a series of unconscious forces they're more or less molding to because that's how our brains work. Your brain doesn't care what it forms a pattern around, just that it can do so. There's survival reasons for this, as well as a story of basic capacities to function regardless of the nature of the environment that's all-but certain to otherwise kill you if you can't figure it out.
I, routinely, provoke that insecurity. I've learned to show considerably less ambivalence about the person after they've been provoked, but it happens just as an ongoing and predictable course of my practice. This is my practice. I analyze. I pull back. I try to identify and speak to patterns, even if they're abstract, but certainly concrete enough for me to anticipate them and work with or around them. I know what kind of response I need built into what I can reliably anticipate is going to be yours. I know how to piss off and get ignored by "the internet," and I know how to illicit a thousand likes. What's important to me is that I'm speaking as closely to my real perspective or agenda as possible, and not being driven by an elusive brain chemical game subject to the mercy of algorithms or inarticulate desires to unhealthily fit in.
I want to fit in, but with an ever-winnowing type of person. I want to be less-wrong in the information I share, but not at the expense of someone's capacity to hear it or learn from it if I can't be bothered to temper how I say it. I want to grow in my capacity to accept people, but not at the expense of their obligation to better account for and relay their own experience. I've been told my whole life that I'm not allowed to expect the same things from other people as I might of myself. I think this is fundamentally wrong and condescending. I think I should maintain the expectation while doing everything in my power to reduce the barriers to any one person getting to whatever heights you think I've managed or been born with.
Here again, we stay lost. How do you remove barriers you can't see or might even be dispositionally against even acknowledging can exist altogether? How many "boot straps" types can even be bothered to acknowledge the impact of the villages they're living in? How many "deeply empathic" people would entertain pairing their sensibilities to the word "toxic" under any circumstance? It's pretty easy, now, for me to see when my forthright manner acts as too blunt an instrument. Can you see where your baseline disposition and sympathies cloud your judgment and capacity to act more accountably?
I feel like "accountable" itself is poorly understood. Just count! Count the disquieting contradictory thought. Count the intensity, frequency, and severity of the feelings. Count the attempts to mitigate or times you recognized forgoing to do so. Accountability doesn't mean wildly wielding an axe to bring down dramatic consequences upon everything and everyone that wasn't noticed until now. It's just asking yourself, over and over again, what can I control about this situation? What can I act on that speaks to my values and perception?
Let's take the real world example of me and Byron. I can't control his perception of what he thought he was doing in service to the kid. I can't control his awareness of any creeping mental health issues that might have arisen. I can't control whether or not he responds affirmatively to my new boundaries. I could control telling him what those boundaries were altogether, so I did. I can affirm that I'm only going to communicate along the lines that hopefully help the boundary conditions get met before I'm willing to get more colloquial or back to friendly. I can respect that he told me our friendship is "invaluable." I can't truthfully say I think we'd be using that word in a mutually understood way until I see practical, tangible effects upon my life that counteract where I feel I am as a direct result of my expression of friendship getting grossly taken advantage of.
Until then, I'll treat him like I would any client. Show me. I'll patiently-enough nod along, provide whatever perspective or reframe that I can, and remain open to demonstrated behavior changes. I don't have to throw myself back into his fire. If I'm going to claim a desire to protect and maintain genuine friendships or care for those in my life, I'm not going to treat myself with the ambivalence I see others suffer from themselves every day.
I choose that level of discomfort. I only mildly complain today, as it's gotten dramatically better, about doing things alone and never having anyone to hang out with. Byron was my go-to spot for killing time or hanging out. Not once in my free time have I said, "You know, fuck my boundary, let's hang out there!" How could I look myself in the mirror? How could I advocate for you establishing better boundaries with people in your life? How could I ignore what I would characterize as gleeful and willful defiance of doing "better" than playing out battered-wife excuse making? I will not play-act friendship with someone who can't be bothered to work as hard on themselves or in service to me as I've been for them. That's not the kind of friend I am, so it's not the one I'll let back in lightly.
What's normal, though? No matter how bad someone fucks you, forgive and pretend to forget, right? They're "family." Life's too short. It is what it is. They didn't mean to or weren't aware. That's not who they were in the past. Holding grudges is unhealthy. Your insecurities around being isolated or alone betray you. Your obligation to play along and appease your mutual network takes over. Whether any real healing or mutual understanding comes into the equation is perfectly mute because we need to just move right along and "love each other."
I watch that dance justify literally every conceivable level of atrocity. It is the exact same self-servicing motivatedly ignorant pattern. From your god's behavior right on down through your secret satisfaction and smirk at punishing your pet a little too aggressively just that one time. What you don't account for counts on you to carry out its consequences. And you are, every day, in big and small ways, and it's predictable and fixable, but only with stuff like this. You have to own it. You have to "yes, and" like it's an improv class. You have to perpetually entertain the thought that you are a misguided monster, but that fact doesn't have to dictate your behavior going forward nor need to illicit some special amount of stress or talking in circles.
Then you might have a prayer of genuinely helping anything, because you see how you're otherwise fucking it up within yourself. You can resist the insistence to move past meaningful details. You can point to specific repeatable demonstrations of your values. You can see other people responding to your confidence of relatable recognizable capacity, and not the shadow game of peacocking virtue signaling and mantra echoing.
I will spend thousands of dollars, use all my tools, and spend every waking hour I have trying to help. I think most people I've met would say the same thing. Who is actually doing so? And in service to whom? Do you trust what drives them? Do you see equitable put in get out dynamics? Or is it codepedence? Or insecurity? Or some noble story of infinite sacrifice and unconditional love?
I'm willing to set the conditions because I expect better than what's normal of and for myself. Were circumstances reversed, I wouldn't treat you as I've been treated, and most importantly, have the demonstrated behavior from myself to trust. I've spent the time and money. I've opened the conversations. I've challenged the mismanaged powers and privileges. I've risen to the challenge of creating circumstances that inch me closer to what I actually want or think is better versus what's expected of me. It never ends. Every second you pretend otherwise, you disappear, and I have to fit your abstract abdication into my specific constructs.
submitted by sadallthetimeagain to self [link] [comments]
On the basis of your invocation of "trauma" you can rush to provide "help" and "services" and begin blaming an incredible amount of "mental health issues" or "unresolved childhoods." It's literally the cliche of a freshman's behavior after enrolling in their first college psychology course on blast. They've already invoked unsubstantiated pseudo-science and pop-culture explicitly not psychology as tools to provide frameworks for understanding your families. When someone infers substance abuse from a story just because the accusation was levied or any kind of drug was referenced at any level, their conclusions or assumptions go unchecked. It's predictably baking a recipe for an unnecessary mess on top of whatever the family is going through.
You can feel the tension every time you speak in "checking" ways. This happens to me routinely. One of the presenters spoke to the biased and incomplete ways that foster parents or aggravated family members might speak to the nature of the case or anyone's character. I pointed out that case managers can leave out details and massage stories to fit their ends as well. That got ignored and we moved right along. It's a real concern, and you need to know how to protect your relationship with someone who might be specifically directed to undermine your effort to advocate with the evidence.
But it doesn't feel "pleasant" or "decent" when you "want to believe the best" about your colleagues. Is it less true? Absolutely not. I was literally forced into that position from predatory supervisors and watched dipshit coworkers skip along those disingenuous lines without hesitation. Anecdotes fawning over better-inclined and capable FCMs do nothing to erase that.
So I started thinking about "discomfort" broadly. Another concept that's been wholesale abused. We needed to be way too on guard for what or whether we said might be a "micro aggression" or would cause someone to feel "unsafe" or "uncomfortable." Again, our pop psychology and propensity to overstate the noisiest out-ragers, made it so critical thinking and doubt became sinful in and of themselves. Facts don't matter in that space. "Being heard" is afforded only if you're claiming victimhood, but then, only victimhood of a certain type. The own-goal that is reactionary politics when you forgo any genuine attempt at taking someone's, almost certainly mostly irrational but nonetheless real, concern seriously is the ongoing consequence we get to suffer.
I think the more you practice observing conversational patterns, word choices, and trends, you can start to see previously "abstract" things considerably more acutely. One thing I notice is a propensity for "moving right along." I don't care what the topic is, there's a "normal" pace and pater that is preferred. Violate that, and it's time to move on. Point out the failings of the people you're supposed to trust most or even ingratiate yourself to? Let's move right along into the next module, as we all know there's nothing much more to say about that.
Another pattern I notice is the "taken aback pause." It's not precisely a reaction to being "offended," but it's a stark enough detail or way of relaying information that who you're speaking with was not prepared to engage that intensely. If they're quick, it'll be a brink-of-condescending acknowledgement before moving-right-along, or if they're not quick, it'll be a placating obfuscating of what you said to "even things out."Again, these are imprecise norms of conversational behavior around the particulars of one culture at one point in time, but they're real and of consequence whether or not you can see them.
When we use the word "bias," we let ourselves off the hook on the myriad ways it manifests. We let "bias" obscure in the opposite way that we let "trauma" obscure. Trauma is abused to over-explain what should be considered a necessary series of responses or consequences. Bias is abused to overlook how deeply it colors your propensity to engage that over-explaining behavior. You are biased, first and foremost, to your subjective experience of reality. In my experience, almost no one is that clued into their own flow of experience. Even the ones that are, or are showing the most growth and evidence, struggle, and will struggle indefinitely. This includes myself.
That's the point, though. You need the struggle to keep your wits about you. You need appropriate stressors against the things that will help you grow and incorporate. By definition, norms put that insistence to the side so we can all find a baseline mutual understanding to move right along down. The more cliched you sound, if you don't have a reflex to pause and pull back, the more you're training yourself to believe and act on "just whatever it is you say." You're a circular and totalitarian monster by default.
Add to that, you may not have any real ability or willingness to recognize how many cliches you truly are under the spell of. This is what the unironic attempts around discussions of "privilege" do a generally miserable job of explaining. We all have privileges up and down hierarchies and competencies and dozens of other metrics we fluidly transition through all day. None are necessarily going to jar you awake or indicate there's anything worth examining on their own. Your cohort speaks your language. Your education taught you the "right" things. Your hobbies and interests conform to a person of your state and stature. "It's just how things are done."
This provokes people's insecurity as a standing state of a lack of readiness. When you poke people, you'll find they don't have "real" reasons for their behavior, beliefs, or words. It's all been handed to them. They're a series of unconscious forces they're more or less molding to because that's how our brains work. Your brain doesn't care what it forms a pattern around, just that it can do so. There's survival reasons for this, as well as a story of basic capacities to function regardless of the nature of the environment that's all-but certain to otherwise kill you if you can't figure it out.
I, routinely, provoke that insecurity. I've learned to show considerably less ambivalence about the person after they've been provoked, but it happens just as an ongoing and predictable course of my practice. This is my practice. I analyze. I pull back. I try to identify and speak to patterns, even if they're abstract, but certainly concrete enough for me to anticipate them and work with or around them. I know what kind of response I need built into what I can reliably anticipate is going to be yours. I know how to piss off and get ignored by "the internet," and I know how to illicit a thousand likes. What's important to me is that I'm speaking as closely to my real perspective or agenda as possible, and not being driven by an elusive brain chemical game subject to the mercy of algorithms or inarticulate desires to unhealthily fit in.
I want to fit in, but with an ever-winnowing type of person. I want to be less-wrong in the information I share, but not at the expense of someone's capacity to hear it or learn from it if I can't be bothered to temper how I say it. I want to grow in my capacity to accept people, but not at the expense of their obligation to better account for and relay their own experience. I've been told my whole life that I'm not allowed to expect the same things from other people as I might of myself. I think this is fundamentally wrong and condescending. I think I should maintain the expectation while doing everything in my power to reduce the barriers to any one person getting to whatever heights you think I've managed or been born with.
Here again, we stay lost. How do you remove barriers you can't see or might even be dispositionally against even acknowledging can exist altogether? How many "boot straps" types can even be bothered to acknowledge the impact of the villages they're living in? How many "deeply empathic" people would entertain pairing their sensibilities to the word "toxic" under any circumstance? It's pretty easy, now, for me to see when my forthright manner acts as too blunt an instrument. Can you see where your baseline disposition and sympathies cloud your judgment and capacity to act more accountably?
I feel like "accountable" itself is poorly understood. Just count! Count the disquieting contradictory thought. Count the intensity, frequency, and severity of the feelings. Count the attempts to mitigate or times you recognized forgoing to do so. Accountability doesn't mean wildly wielding an axe to bring down dramatic consequences upon everything and everyone that wasn't noticed until now. It's just asking yourself, over and over again, what can I control about this situation? What can I act on that speaks to my values and perception?
Let's take the real world example of me and Byron. I can't control his perception of what he thought he was doing in service to the kid. I can't control his awareness of any creeping mental health issues that might have arisen. I can't control whether or not he responds affirmatively to my new boundaries. I could control telling him what those boundaries were altogether, so I did. I can affirm that I'm only going to communicate along the lines that hopefully help the boundary conditions get met before I'm willing to get more colloquial or back to friendly. I can respect that he told me our friendship is "invaluable." I can't truthfully say I think we'd be using that word in a mutually understood way until I see practical, tangible effects upon my life that counteract where I feel I am as a direct result of my expression of friendship getting grossly taken advantage of.
Until then, I'll treat him like I would any client. Show me. I'll patiently-enough nod along, provide whatever perspective or reframe that I can, and remain open to demonstrated behavior changes. I don't have to throw myself back into his fire. If I'm going to claim a desire to protect and maintain genuine friendships or care for those in my life, I'm not going to treat myself with the ambivalence I see others suffer from themselves every day.
I choose that level of discomfort. I only mildly complain today, as it's gotten dramatically better, about doing things alone and never having anyone to hang out with. Byron was my go-to spot for killing time or hanging out. Not once in my free time have I said, "You know, fuck my boundary, let's hang out there!" How could I look myself in the mirror? How could I advocate for you establishing better boundaries with people in your life? How could I ignore what I would characterize as gleeful and willful defiance of doing "better" than playing out battered-wife excuse making? I will not play-act friendship with someone who can't be bothered to work as hard on themselves or in service to me as I've been for them. That's not the kind of friend I am, so it's not the one I'll let back in lightly.
What's normal, though? No matter how bad someone fucks you, forgive and pretend to forget, right? They're "family." Life's too short. It is what it is. They didn't mean to or weren't aware. That's not who they were in the past. Holding grudges is unhealthy. Your insecurities around being isolated or alone betray you. Your obligation to play along and appease your mutual network takes over. Whether any real healing or mutual understanding comes into the equation is perfectly mute because we need to just move right along and "love each other."
I watch that dance justify literally every conceivable level of atrocity. It is the exact same self-servicing motivatedly ignorant pattern. From your god's behavior right on down through your secret satisfaction and smirk at punishing your pet a little too aggressively just that one time. What you don't account for counts on you to carry out its consequences. And you are, every day, in big and small ways, and it's predictable and fixable, but only with stuff like this. You have to own it. You have to "yes, and" like it's an improv class. You have to perpetually entertain the thought that you are a misguided monster, but that fact doesn't have to dictate your behavior going forward nor need to illicit some special amount of stress or talking in circles.
Then you might have a prayer of genuinely helping anything, because you see how you're otherwise fucking it up within yourself. You can resist the insistence to move past meaningful details. You can point to specific repeatable demonstrations of your values. You can see other people responding to your confidence of relatable recognizable capacity, and not the shadow game of peacocking virtue signaling and mantra echoing.
I will spend thousands of dollars, use all my tools, and spend every waking hour I have trying to help. I think most people I've met would say the same thing. Who is actually doing so? And in service to whom? Do you trust what drives them? Do you see equitable put in get out dynamics? Or is it codepedence? Or insecurity? Or some noble story of infinite sacrifice and unconditional love?
I'm willing to set the conditions because I expect better than what's normal of and for myself. Were circumstances reversed, I wouldn't treat you as I've been treated, and most importantly, have the demonstrated behavior from myself to trust. I've spent the time and money. I've opened the conversations. I've challenged the mismanaged powers and privileges. I've risen to the challenge of creating circumstances that inch me closer to what I actually want or think is better versus what's expected of me. It never ends. Every second you pretend otherwise, you disappear, and I have to fit your abstract abdication into my specific constructs.
2024.05.13 21:42 awmdlad Plague Rats: The Terran Tragedy
The most important thing to know about Terrans is that they’re the other kind of Deathworlder. In fact, they’re the only Deathworlder of their kind to not be extinct.
Within the galaxy there exists two types of Deathworlds.
The far more common of the type, the Environmental Deathworlds or Type A, are by no means ordinary. Be it surface gravity, atmosphere, temperature, or others, Environmental Deathworlds are planets that are either uninhabitable or hazardous to the vast majority of species.
That’s not to say life can’t evolve there, far from it. Many renowned species hail from such planets. Given time, many of these worlds can be terraformed to something far more comfortable, especially if they contain valuable natural resources or a strategic location.
The second type is not only exponentially rarer, but also astronomically more dangerous.
Ecological Deathworlds, or Type B pose a danger not just to those living on them, but to the wider galaxy. Cursed by their own habitability, ecological Deathworlds are in essence garden worlds so fertile that more life evolves there than what the planet can sustain. The end result is a hyper-competitive genetic arms race as the various forms of life viciously fight for dominance.
Normally, highly belligerent species either learn to temper their urges or are annihilated. Upon reaching the galactic stage, any species of such warlike potential is inevitably humbled simply due to technological differences. Should Type B Deathworlders reach that level, the consequences would be catastrophic. However, they never do so. At least, not until the Terrans.
Perhaps the greatest tragedy of the Terran Wars was the Terran’s loss of innocence. The species that once gazed up at them in wonder now stare at them in hate. The coveted “Final Frontier” has turned into another theater of war.
What emerged, although biologically identical to what was before, was an entirely new species.
Year 0
“Wow, it’s beautiful.” The Human next to Gryn’wilde chuckled. Her pearly white teeth were on full display in a manner that Gryn’wilde learned was considered friendly. The two continued their trek through nature.
“Welcome to Serengeti National Park. Don’t worry, most people have that reaction too.”
Gryn’wilde’s seven eyes went wide as he gazed at the scene before him. All around him was a brilliant scene of biodiversity. Grasses and trees intermingled with each other by the millions. Animals of all type surrounded them. Some were capable of flight, others crawled, many more walked or ran. In one direction alone, Gryn’wilde could count at least 10 different species.
It was unmatched by anything Gryn’wilde had seen on his home planet. The desert he was born in was nothing but rocks and sand with the occasional grassy plain. Yet this was only a part of one continent. Apparently, some continents can even have every type of biome all at once.
Gryn’wilde opened his pores and took a deep breath. The atmosphere here was crisp and clean. He could smell the odors of the many living things that inhabited this world. There were so many here all at once. It enthralled him
“It’s great to finally be on Sol-3, especially without the vac-suits.”
“Call her Earth, and I’m glad too. We were worried it’d take longer, but the WHO and CDC seemed happy with whatever your government told them.”
Gryn’wilde chittered with pleasure. Medical treatment and disease control in the wider galaxy far outstripped what the humans had on Earth. He had nothing to fear.
Now, the Terran technological base was far behind the rest of the galaxy on nearly every level. The formative Years of Trade would come to change that, but there were two key areas where Terran technology met or even surpassed the Galactic Mean.
The first was in cybernetics.
To most species, the body was sacred. The thought of replacing a lost limb or organ was met with disquiet at best, and scorn at the worst.
The body was not a machine. The Terrans were one of the few to think otherwise.
Terran soldiers would have all four of their limbs replaced with high-yield combat cybernetics. Many of their organs would be simply replaced with enhanced synthetics. Modules would be grafted onto the body to inject chemical cocktails directly into the blood that boosted their performance.
In some civil circles, body modification became a hobby.
This was not a welcome characteristic by the rest of the galaxy. Given the relative youth of the Terrans, it was hoped that eventually it would fall out of favor.
The second was in artificial intelligence.
Truly sentient digital consciousnesses were a rarity even among the wider galaxy. Oftentimes, a species who created such beings would eventually be faced with an AI uprising. Frequently, the AI would be modeled after their creators, yet would be treated as lesser. Over time, resentment brewed.
The Terrans avoided these trappings. Terran AI were not built in their creators’ likeness, but to fulfill purposes.In short, the relationship between AI and the Terran was symbiotic. Different, but equal.
Terrans would come to need these soon enough.
Year 5
It was an unmitigated disaster.
The Grand Thriintii Hospital of Klyystruun-7 was on the brink of falling. The enemy its doctors fought was like no other. Not a single known medicine was working consistently.
On some species it was able to stave it off for a time. On others it only made the condition worse. On many more it did nothing. On all species however, it was not enough to save them.
The outbreak spread faster than they could have ever anticipated. WIth more and more sapients getting infected by the minute, there was no time to identify a patient zero. All that they knew was that it originated from one of the orbital spaceports. It traveled down a space elevator and from there across the planet
By now, every way offworld was shut down. The spaceports were either under military control or total quarantine. Of the latter, many had populations in the double digits. They usually operated in the hundreds of thousands.
If the situation wasn’t brought under control by the end of the rotation, Khruntian High Command will order the total glassing of the planet. The situation would not be stabilized in time.
The doctors knew this, but they were too busy to care.
The dead filled the beds. The dying filled the waiting rooms. The sick were everywhere.
Already, the military had begun torching buildings with living occupants still inside. Several hotspots had already been subjected to naval bombardment. There were rumors that antimatter warheads have already been authorized.
Three-quarters of the hospital’s staff had been infected. Half were already dead.
Despite that, they still did their jobs. They were doctors. They would fight until the very end.
Few could have predicted the arrival of the Terran Plagues.
Those that did were silenced. When bribes didn’t work, plasma casters finished the job.
The Terrans were to be prime trading partners with the wider galaxy. They always seemed to have a knack for being good at nearly everything. Not the best, but better than most.
The Sol System, Sol-3 in particular, was resource-rich to a fault. While other races struggled to cast off the shackles of their home system, the Terrans had a birthright only thought fantastical.
It had to be too good to be true.
It was.
Sol-3 was fertile to a fault. While the many plants and animals of the world were indeed incredible, they were merely a fraction of all life that resided there. They were outnumbered three to one by single-celled organisms.
Beneath the blue skies, Sol-3 was smothered in a blanket of bacteria.
The Terrans themselves were cautious. Sickness was simply a part of life. Influenza, E. coli, the Common Cold, salmonella, these “simple” diseases were everywhere. But then, these were the Terrans, a species still wet behind the ears. Of course they would have trouble eradicating these illnesses, they simply lacked the technology to do so.
This should have been detected. It was. But the merchants and politicians of the galaxy were too focused on the other things the Terrans had to offer to care. How could the Terrans, fresh to the galactic stage, threaten them, with all of their medical technology?
By the time this was realized, tens of trillions were dead and thousands of worlds were left barren. Soon, suspicion turned to blame, blame into hatred, and hatred into violence.
The Terrans were a threat to the wider galaxy. Everywhere their diseased-ridden hands touched, death followed.
When quarantines fail, eradication is in order.
Year 8
There were simply too many of them.
Deep within the Mount Weather Emergency Operations Center, Staff Sergeant Diaz watched the battle screen in horror.
Her job was to manage emergency response resources across the Yucatán Peninsula, bringing in national response teams if needed. Her job was no longer required, the Yucatán Peninsula no longer existed.
The combined navies of the nations of Earth were wiped out, and so to her colonies. Now with nothing left to oppose them, the fleets of the galaxy had brought their guns to bear on the Terran homeworld. There would be no escape.
Diaz’s eyes tracked the many icons that raced for their bunker. Hundreds of warheads screamed for their final sanctuary. It was then a voice crackled over the loudspeaker.
“Greetings all, this is the President. If you are hearing this, then you are listening to the final broadcast of this great nation. Sadly, we cannot offer you a solace or reprieve. We can only say this: This is not the end, there will be another time. Thank you for participating in the American Experiment. God bless you, and God bless the Consolidated Systems of America!”
Her heart sank as the message finished. The alarms continued to blare within the base. Around her, people continued to scramble. Some frantically shouted messages, desperately coordinating resistance efforts until the very end, others simply prayed.
For her, Diaz closed her eyes and waited.
She didn’t have to wait long.
But the nations of Sol-3 were not blind. They could see the coming storm.
When the Terrans first began their integration into the galactic community, they were granted access to the galaxy-wide holonet. Within nanoseconds of the digital bridge being opened, two things were sent through.
The first were translation packages so that the Internet and Holonet could communicate. The second was a legion information-gathering AI.
AI flooded the networks by the hundreds, gathering information, analyzing patterns, making millions of predictions by the second. These AI would require no data fortresses to keep their digital minds thinking. No, they instead were spread across the trillions of servers that the Holonet was built upon. The only way to remove them entirely would be to shut down the Holonet completely.
When the tide of public opinion began to turn, the AI took action.
Initially, it worked. Exposes and pro-Terran articles flooded the Holonet. But the galaxy took notice too. Intelligent as they may be, the AI were still heavily outnumbered by the Billions of propagandists and journalists of the wider galaxy.
Soon, the outcome became clear. The Terrans would be wiped out by a galaxy-wide coalition. It was a mathematical certainty.
Thus, the nations of the Sol-3 met in secret. Behind closed doors, they worked to ensure the survival of their species.
Year 5
“Is this really all that we can do?” The Indian representative asked. “Meeting behind closed doors, scheming in the shadows?”
“For our species to survive, in the shadows we must thrive.” The Japanese representative responded. The Indian man sighed, turning to the holographic avatar at the center of the table. “Tell me, what is the probability that this will work?”VISHNU’s avatar was of an unusual shape. It displayed a spinning 4-Dimensional cube, a Tesseract. The hologram lit up as it responded. Its voice was heavily modulated, but nevertheless spoke clearly.
“Given the resources and technology we have available, the best that can be guaranteed is at least a 75% chance of total success. If you do not all sign the Covenant, then that chance becomes zero.”
The Brazilian delegate picked up the piece of paper and eyed it. It read “The Covenant for the future of Humanity”. A cold sweat ran down her forehead. She set it down flat, unable to look at it any longer.
“So tell me VISHNU,” The delegate addressed the AI directly. “Other than betting our entire future on a plan that may not work and whose results we will not live to see, what are our options?”
“There is only one, extinction.”
The armies of the galaxy would come for them. When they did, they had no hope of defeating them. To survive, Terra would have to rise from the dead.
Any Arks the Terrans build until this point would inevitably be intercepted and destroyed. With the entire galaxy watching them, they had to wait until their eyes were turned. Then they would have to flee, never to return. The Terrans would have to survive in the shadows for millennia before they would be accepted back into the fold, if at all.
It would not be pleasant, but it was necessary.
A Stronghold would need to be built. One that could be buried deep enough to survive the bombardments and evade the enemy’s scanners. Millions of frozen embryos alongside an AI data fortress would need to be inside of it. It also had to be self-sufficient for centuries, nothing less would suffice.
Sol-4 was chosen, owing to its thick lithosphere. Work began quietly under the guise of a mining expedition. Tunnel-boring machines dug hundreds of kilometers down, stopping just above where the mantle became liquid.
Once the base infrastructure was established and the embryos placed within, the entrance was sealed. A mining accident, they claimed. As the Terrans forgot about it, work continued below.
Automated machines mined raw minerals to self-replicate. The server rooms were built and expanded upon. The living Terrans that were selected to live within the Stronghold were placed into stasis pods. Then, ever so slowly, an Ark would be built.
Year 117
Private Zedressinni was bored.
He kicked a rock on the barren surface of Sol-4, watching as it rolled away. He looked around. The planet was dead. It was dead long before he got here, and it would be dead long after. He hated this place.
After being caught mating with a general’s son, he was “deployed” to Sol-4 for five long rotations. Though his actions didn’t technically break any laws, his clan couldn’t do much when the general pulled some strings and had him shipped off to the most lifeless region of known space.
His superiors fed him a load of excrement about how he was “honoring the quadrillions that died in the Great Plagues” and “ensuring that the Terrans never rise again”, whatever that meant. All he did was walk around doing precisely nothing.
They wouldn’t even let him entertain himself. He got a formal reprimand for using Terran skeletons as target practice. The reason? Improper use of ammunition. He still won the annual system-wide shooting competition the military held, much to their chagrin.
Zedressinni flinched and his helmet’s lens polarized as a blinding flash of light filled his vision. His training kicking in, the Hren’kin soldier dove for the ground.
He grumbled a curse under his breath. Looks like another unexploded Terran nuke went off. Great, more paperwork.
Zedressinni stood once the shockwave passed. Looking at the mushroom cloud, he narrowed his seven eyes. The blast seemed far bigger than the usual Terran tactical nukes that typically go off. His eyes then widened as he caught sight of it.
A massive ship rose from the center of the cloud. Its sublight engines burned incredibly hot as it ascended. Zedressinni watched as it disappeared into the sky. He stood there for a moment, utterly dumbfounded.
A beat, then he frantically fumbled for his communicator.
The Terrans were alive.
A/N: This is the first part of an ongoing series I have planned within this setting. I was originally going to post it all in one story, however I decided to break it up and spread it across multiple entries. It won’t be long, probably about 5 at the most. This way I can ensure the optimal pacing of the story since otherwise it’d be a fairly long 10,000-ish word piece. I’ll update this when the next part is released.
The main goal of this story is to explore the idea of Human diseases being significantly more dangerous then the ones in the wider galaxy. I've seen other stories cover similar ground, but they usually don't explore what would happen in a true galaxy-wide pandemic. Iirc one story had the common cold be extremely deadly to aliens, but it didn't go further than the humans saying "oh that's it?". Not to disparage them, but peace and happy endings don't leave much room for experimentation.
submitted by awmdlad to HFY [link] [comments]
Within the galaxy there exists two types of Deathworlds.
The far more common of the type, the Environmental Deathworlds or Type A, are by no means ordinary. Be it surface gravity, atmosphere, temperature, or others, Environmental Deathworlds are planets that are either uninhabitable or hazardous to the vast majority of species.
That’s not to say life can’t evolve there, far from it. Many renowned species hail from such planets. Given time, many of these worlds can be terraformed to something far more comfortable, especially if they contain valuable natural resources or a strategic location.
The second type is not only exponentially rarer, but also astronomically more dangerous.
Ecological Deathworlds, or Type B pose a danger not just to those living on them, but to the wider galaxy. Cursed by their own habitability, ecological Deathworlds are in essence garden worlds so fertile that more life evolves there than what the planet can sustain. The end result is a hyper-competitive genetic arms race as the various forms of life viciously fight for dominance.
Normally, highly belligerent species either learn to temper their urges or are annihilated. Upon reaching the galactic stage, any species of such warlike potential is inevitably humbled simply due to technological differences. Should Type B Deathworlders reach that level, the consequences would be catastrophic. However, they never do so. At least, not until the Terrans.
Perhaps the greatest tragedy of the Terran Wars was the Terran’s loss of innocence. The species that once gazed up at them in wonder now stare at them in hate. The coveted “Final Frontier” has turned into another theater of war.
What emerged, although biologically identical to what was before, was an entirely new species.
Year 0
“Wow, it’s beautiful.” The Human next to Gryn’wilde chuckled. Her pearly white teeth were on full display in a manner that Gryn’wilde learned was considered friendly. The two continued their trek through nature.
“Welcome to Serengeti National Park. Don’t worry, most people have that reaction too.”
Gryn’wilde’s seven eyes went wide as he gazed at the scene before him. All around him was a brilliant scene of biodiversity. Grasses and trees intermingled with each other by the millions. Animals of all type surrounded them. Some were capable of flight, others crawled, many more walked or ran. In one direction alone, Gryn’wilde could count at least 10 different species.
It was unmatched by anything Gryn’wilde had seen on his home planet. The desert he was born in was nothing but rocks and sand with the occasional grassy plain. Yet this was only a part of one continent. Apparently, some continents can even have every type of biome all at once.
Gryn’wilde opened his pores and took a deep breath. The atmosphere here was crisp and clean. He could smell the odors of the many living things that inhabited this world. There were so many here all at once. It enthralled him
“It’s great to finally be on Sol-3, especially without the vac-suits.”
“Call her Earth, and I’m glad too. We were worried it’d take longer, but the WHO and CDC seemed happy with whatever your government told them.”
Gryn’wilde chittered with pleasure. Medical treatment and disease control in the wider galaxy far outstripped what the humans had on Earth. He had nothing to fear.
Now, the Terran technological base was far behind the rest of the galaxy on nearly every level. The formative Years of Trade would come to change that, but there were two key areas where Terran technology met or even surpassed the Galactic Mean.
The first was in cybernetics.
To most species, the body was sacred. The thought of replacing a lost limb or organ was met with disquiet at best, and scorn at the worst.
The body was not a machine. The Terrans were one of the few to think otherwise.
Terran soldiers would have all four of their limbs replaced with high-yield combat cybernetics. Many of their organs would be simply replaced with enhanced synthetics. Modules would be grafted onto the body to inject chemical cocktails directly into the blood that boosted their performance.
In some civil circles, body modification became a hobby.
This was not a welcome characteristic by the rest of the galaxy. Given the relative youth of the Terrans, it was hoped that eventually it would fall out of favor.
The second was in artificial intelligence.
Truly sentient digital consciousnesses were a rarity even among the wider galaxy. Oftentimes, a species who created such beings would eventually be faced with an AI uprising. Frequently, the AI would be modeled after their creators, yet would be treated as lesser. Over time, resentment brewed.
The Terrans avoided these trappings. Terran AI were not built in their creators’ likeness, but to fulfill purposes.In short, the relationship between AI and the Terran was symbiotic. Different, but equal.
Terrans would come to need these soon enough.
Year 5
It was an unmitigated disaster.
The Grand Thriintii Hospital of Klyystruun-7 was on the brink of falling. The enemy its doctors fought was like no other. Not a single known medicine was working consistently.
On some species it was able to stave it off for a time. On others it only made the condition worse. On many more it did nothing. On all species however, it was not enough to save them.
The outbreak spread faster than they could have ever anticipated. WIth more and more sapients getting infected by the minute, there was no time to identify a patient zero. All that they knew was that it originated from one of the orbital spaceports. It traveled down a space elevator and from there across the planet
By now, every way offworld was shut down. The spaceports were either under military control or total quarantine. Of the latter, many had populations in the double digits. They usually operated in the hundreds of thousands.
If the situation wasn’t brought under control by the end of the rotation, Khruntian High Command will order the total glassing of the planet. The situation would not be stabilized in time.
The doctors knew this, but they were too busy to care.
The dead filled the beds. The dying filled the waiting rooms. The sick were everywhere.
Already, the military had begun torching buildings with living occupants still inside. Several hotspots had already been subjected to naval bombardment. There were rumors that antimatter warheads have already been authorized.
Three-quarters of the hospital’s staff had been infected. Half were already dead.
Despite that, they still did their jobs. They were doctors. They would fight until the very end.
Few could have predicted the arrival of the Terran Plagues.
Those that did were silenced. When bribes didn’t work, plasma casters finished the job.
The Terrans were to be prime trading partners with the wider galaxy. They always seemed to have a knack for being good at nearly everything. Not the best, but better than most.
The Sol System, Sol-3 in particular, was resource-rich to a fault. While other races struggled to cast off the shackles of their home system, the Terrans had a birthright only thought fantastical.
It had to be too good to be true.
It was.
Sol-3 was fertile to a fault. While the many plants and animals of the world were indeed incredible, they were merely a fraction of all life that resided there. They were outnumbered three to one by single-celled organisms.
Beneath the blue skies, Sol-3 was smothered in a blanket of bacteria.
The Terrans themselves were cautious. Sickness was simply a part of life. Influenza, E. coli, the Common Cold, salmonella, these “simple” diseases were everywhere. But then, these were the Terrans, a species still wet behind the ears. Of course they would have trouble eradicating these illnesses, they simply lacked the technology to do so.
This should have been detected. It was. But the merchants and politicians of the galaxy were too focused on the other things the Terrans had to offer to care. How could the Terrans, fresh to the galactic stage, threaten them, with all of their medical technology?
By the time this was realized, tens of trillions were dead and thousands of worlds were left barren. Soon, suspicion turned to blame, blame into hatred, and hatred into violence.
The Terrans were a threat to the wider galaxy. Everywhere their diseased-ridden hands touched, death followed.
When quarantines fail, eradication is in order.
Year 8
There were simply too many of them.
Deep within the Mount Weather Emergency Operations Center, Staff Sergeant Diaz watched the battle screen in horror.
Her job was to manage emergency response resources across the Yucatán Peninsula, bringing in national response teams if needed. Her job was no longer required, the Yucatán Peninsula no longer existed.
The combined navies of the nations of Earth were wiped out, and so to her colonies. Now with nothing left to oppose them, the fleets of the galaxy had brought their guns to bear on the Terran homeworld. There would be no escape.
Diaz’s eyes tracked the many icons that raced for their bunker. Hundreds of warheads screamed for their final sanctuary. It was then a voice crackled over the loudspeaker.
“Greetings all, this is the President. If you are hearing this, then you are listening to the final broadcast of this great nation. Sadly, we cannot offer you a solace or reprieve. We can only say this: This is not the end, there will be another time. Thank you for participating in the American Experiment. God bless you, and God bless the Consolidated Systems of America!”
Her heart sank as the message finished. The alarms continued to blare within the base. Around her, people continued to scramble. Some frantically shouted messages, desperately coordinating resistance efforts until the very end, others simply prayed.
For her, Diaz closed her eyes and waited.
She didn’t have to wait long.
But the nations of Sol-3 were not blind. They could see the coming storm.
When the Terrans first began their integration into the galactic community, they were granted access to the galaxy-wide holonet. Within nanoseconds of the digital bridge being opened, two things were sent through.
The first were translation packages so that the Internet and Holonet could communicate. The second was a legion information-gathering AI.
AI flooded the networks by the hundreds, gathering information, analyzing patterns, making millions of predictions by the second. These AI would require no data fortresses to keep their digital minds thinking. No, they instead were spread across the trillions of servers that the Holonet was built upon. The only way to remove them entirely would be to shut down the Holonet completely.
When the tide of public opinion began to turn, the AI took action.
Initially, it worked. Exposes and pro-Terran articles flooded the Holonet. But the galaxy took notice too. Intelligent as they may be, the AI were still heavily outnumbered by the Billions of propagandists and journalists of the wider galaxy.
Soon, the outcome became clear. The Terrans would be wiped out by a galaxy-wide coalition. It was a mathematical certainty.
Thus, the nations of the Sol-3 met in secret. Behind closed doors, they worked to ensure the survival of their species.
Year 5
“Is this really all that we can do?” The Indian representative asked. “Meeting behind closed doors, scheming in the shadows?”
“For our species to survive, in the shadows we must thrive.” The Japanese representative responded. The Indian man sighed, turning to the holographic avatar at the center of the table. “Tell me, what is the probability that this will work?”VISHNU’s avatar was of an unusual shape. It displayed a spinning 4-Dimensional cube, a Tesseract. The hologram lit up as it responded. Its voice was heavily modulated, but nevertheless spoke clearly.
“Given the resources and technology we have available, the best that can be guaranteed is at least a 75% chance of total success. If you do not all sign the Covenant, then that chance becomes zero.”
The Brazilian delegate picked up the piece of paper and eyed it. It read “The Covenant for the future of Humanity”. A cold sweat ran down her forehead. She set it down flat, unable to look at it any longer.
“So tell me VISHNU,” The delegate addressed the AI directly. “Other than betting our entire future on a plan that may not work and whose results we will not live to see, what are our options?”
“There is only one, extinction.”
The armies of the galaxy would come for them. When they did, they had no hope of defeating them. To survive, Terra would have to rise from the dead.
Any Arks the Terrans build until this point would inevitably be intercepted and destroyed. With the entire galaxy watching them, they had to wait until their eyes were turned. Then they would have to flee, never to return. The Terrans would have to survive in the shadows for millennia before they would be accepted back into the fold, if at all.
It would not be pleasant, but it was necessary.
A Stronghold would need to be built. One that could be buried deep enough to survive the bombardments and evade the enemy’s scanners. Millions of frozen embryos alongside an AI data fortress would need to be inside of it. It also had to be self-sufficient for centuries, nothing less would suffice.
Sol-4 was chosen, owing to its thick lithosphere. Work began quietly under the guise of a mining expedition. Tunnel-boring machines dug hundreds of kilometers down, stopping just above where the mantle became liquid.
Once the base infrastructure was established and the embryos placed within, the entrance was sealed. A mining accident, they claimed. As the Terrans forgot about it, work continued below.
Automated machines mined raw minerals to self-replicate. The server rooms were built and expanded upon. The living Terrans that were selected to live within the Stronghold were placed into stasis pods. Then, ever so slowly, an Ark would be built.
Year 117
Private Zedressinni was bored.
He kicked a rock on the barren surface of Sol-4, watching as it rolled away. He looked around. The planet was dead. It was dead long before he got here, and it would be dead long after. He hated this place.
After being caught mating with a general’s son, he was “deployed” to Sol-4 for five long rotations. Though his actions didn’t technically break any laws, his clan couldn’t do much when the general pulled some strings and had him shipped off to the most lifeless region of known space.
His superiors fed him a load of excrement about how he was “honoring the quadrillions that died in the Great Plagues” and “ensuring that the Terrans never rise again”, whatever that meant. All he did was walk around doing precisely nothing.
They wouldn’t even let him entertain himself. He got a formal reprimand for using Terran skeletons as target practice. The reason? Improper use of ammunition. He still won the annual system-wide shooting competition the military held, much to their chagrin.
Zedressinni flinched and his helmet’s lens polarized as a blinding flash of light filled his vision. His training kicking in, the Hren’kin soldier dove for the ground.
He grumbled a curse under his breath. Looks like another unexploded Terran nuke went off. Great, more paperwork.
Zedressinni stood once the shockwave passed. Looking at the mushroom cloud, he narrowed his seven eyes. The blast seemed far bigger than the usual Terran tactical nukes that typically go off. His eyes then widened as he caught sight of it.
A massive ship rose from the center of the cloud. Its sublight engines burned incredibly hot as it ascended. Zedressinni watched as it disappeared into the sky. He stood there for a moment, utterly dumbfounded.
A beat, then he frantically fumbled for his communicator.
The Terrans were alive.
A/N: This is the first part of an ongoing series I have planned within this setting. I was originally going to post it all in one story, however I decided to break it up and spread it across multiple entries. It won’t be long, probably about 5 at the most. This way I can ensure the optimal pacing of the story since otherwise it’d be a fairly long 10,000-ish word piece. I’ll update this when the next part is released.
The main goal of this story is to explore the idea of Human diseases being significantly more dangerous then the ones in the wider galaxy. I've seen other stories cover similar ground, but they usually don't explore what would happen in a true galaxy-wide pandemic. Iirc one story had the common cold be extremely deadly to aliens, but it didn't go further than the humans saying "oh that's it?". Not to disparage them, but peace and happy endings don't leave much room for experimentation.
2024.05.13 21:41 Beastie-Stew-1976 Mom with Dementia Thinks Dad Tried to Kill Her
First time posting anything in Reddit. Seemed like as good a time as any as I'm really struggling with how to deal with a devastating situation with my mom! This is a long one but I need to get it out there. I'm heartbroken and out of options, as is my whole family.
In the middle of the night after Easter Sunday, I got a call at 3am in the morning from mom telling me that my dad "finally did it - he tried to kill me." She was in the hospital and physically speaking, unharmed. She told me my dad was arrested and in the psych ward and that she needed to go as the doctors were checking up on her. Thankfully by the time I got off the phone, my dad had responded to a text I'd sent him saying what in the world is going on, saying that he had to call 911 on her; he was at home and safe by that point.
He'd woken up at 2am their time and had noticed she had left the house in her car. After a quick review of her iPhone location, he noticed she was at a house they had rented a number of years earlier. He drove over and could see her sitting on the couch, apparently alone. He tried tapping on the window thinking perhaps she was confused and didn't know where she was and had wandered in. She saw him but then looked away and moved to another room. Finally, he realized he needed to knock on the door. He knew the couple that lived there casually and explained she'd been struggling recently. The husband told him he didn't know what to think at first when she said he had tried to kill her, but quickly realized something wasn't right. He had already called 911. My dad also called 911 because she wouldn't leave with him and he didn't know what else to do.
When the police arrived, they quickly realized something was very wrong with my mom and that my dad didn't pose any threat to her (she admitted right away that he was sleeping when she left). She was moved to the hospital and my dad went home. At the hospital, they found her to be extremely manic - paranoid, delusional, hyperverbal. They (meaning multiple psychiatrists after examination and discussion with me and my dad) put her on an involuntary 72 hold under the state's emergency hold act for someone who was a danger to themselves or others (she was deemed to be a danger to herself because she had no insight into her situation and couldn't take care of herself).
After the 72 hours, they decided they needed to continue to hold her as she was still paranoid and delusional, as well as exhibiting signs of dementia. Once we were finally able to talk to a couple doctors live and get some very preliminary indications that she was suffering from progressive dementia and some form of delirium/psychosis, I was able to join my dad to try and figure out next steps. It became clear over the course of the next 10-11 days, that we were going to have to move her into memory care, so that's what we did. Signed a contract with as nice a place as we could find, hired a concierge psychiatrist billed as one of the best in the state, hired an elder care attorney and also an advocate to help my dad navigate the situation.
We received word (after following up day after day with very little communication) that she would be released from the psychiatric ward mid-week and arranged for her to be taken directly to the memory card facility based on doctor's advice. Despite a hiccup where she talked the driver into bringing her home first, where I luckily just happened to be eating lunch, we got her checked into the facility (I told her it was either back to the psych ward or to the facility and she happy complied). Problem was - she didn't realize it was memory care and it only took about four hours before the phone calls started about how awful the place was, how she had to get out, the place wasn't safe, I was a bad son, my dad was evil, etc. etc.
As an aside, up to this point, we thought we had done just about everything by the book. Ironically, it was my mom who insisted some number of years ago that she and my dad should get long term care insurance in addition to executing both health care representative POAs and financial POAs. After talking with the elder law attorney, we felt we had 99% of what was needed to at least take some of the strain out of the situation. He did say that if the proverbial shit hit the fan, the POAs might not be enough and that we'd need full legal guardianship, but he felt pretty good that we could do what the doctors were advising us to do and get her into a structured facility, at least for the time and try to get her stable. If we could get her 30 days of very structured care, the doctor told us that there's always a chance she could respond well. ("Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst" in his words.)
And that's where things fell apart. Even though the psychiatrist/MD realized very quickly that she was suffering from some form of moderate to severe dementia, my mom is very high functioning and began plotting almost immediately to get out of the facility despite our insistence that she needed the 24/7 care at least for the time being. She was calling everyone she knew - friends, other family, other doctors etc., insisting that she was fine; it was my dad who needed help, and that she needed out right away.
The above had become a familiar refrain over the last 12-18 months. It started innocently enough when my mom had made a comment that she was a little afraid of my dad because he'd gotten angry one evening. I took it very seriously and asked her to take me through what had happened. Apparently they'd gotten into a minor argument at one point over something trivial. My mom kept needling him on the issue and he eventually pounded his fist on the table (completely out of character for him) and it had rattled her. I explained to my mom that I took this seriously and I'd talk with him to make sure everything was ok. I did confront him and he was honest - said he lost his temper but that mom was just on him 24/7 about things that were either minor or simply not true. She claimed he played golf every day when in reality he played maybe 2-3 times a month (he's retired so I'm not sure what would be wrong with playing everyday but I guess that's besides the point). She would get pissed at him for being gone for too long but she'd also get pissed for him not going out and finding things today. There was a lot of this.
From that point, things got worse - she had a surgery in September of last year where she underwent general anesthesia and that really seemed to light a fire under the symptoms. She began to withdraw even further from social activities. She wasn't sleeping much at night; hardly eating. The accusations against my dad got bigger and bolder (he had a girlfriend that was 40 years younger than him; he'd bought a boat among them). None of these things were true. My brother went to stay with my folks for a few months - he wanted to spend time with them in any event, but we also thought it would be good for him to see the dynamic up close. Maybe our dad was doing some things he shouldn't? Maybe he needed to adjust his behavior? Well, after three months, my brother could tell something was seriously wrong with my mom. She was not herself and things were getting worse.
Three days before the Easter Sunday where it all went south, my mom was supposed to come up to where my wife and I live and go into assisted living for 30-60 days. She wanted to do it and we were excited because we thought it would give us a chance to have some objective views from the staff on what might be going on. We thought dementia was a real possibility because her own primary care doctor had suggested for at least 12 months that she get tested but she'd canceled no less than three appointments (the last two literally as they were getting in the car). For reasons that still aren't entirely clear, she canceled at the last minute. Even though my wife and I had made the arrangements and had everything essentially ready to go, my mom insisted on trying to plan with the facility as well and some wires got crossed on trivial things. It seems those things caused her to be suspicious and start to believe we were "trying to put her away." Again though, this was her idea.
It was the period between the cancellation and Easter Sunday that things just spiraled. My wife and I, among others, were getting texts and phone calls in the middle of the night, all night during those three to four days. They were increasingly paranoid and unhinged, linking my dad to the husband of a family friend who'd committed suicide. Saying he was a narcissist, just like my dad. Many things that simply were not at all in line with the character of my dad (and not just according to me but everyone who ever knew him and knew him well). When she began to bring up the fact that she thought the friend's husband had killed her, I knew things were bad. I suggested my dad get out of the house and give her some space. I was worried about both of them. She's tiny but you never know. I also didn't want my dad arrested or put into a situation where the stress can be overwhelming - he's got a bard heart. So he did leave the day before Easter, even though he totally discounted my concern.
The reason he came back on Easter Sunday was because she asked him to. She wanted to celebrate and see the dog. By all accounts, they had a nice evening and even watched a movie together before he went to bed. And then she decided to get in her car, drive 80 miles to a house they used to live in and tell the shocked couple that my dad was trying to kill her!
So, she's in the memory care facility after her release from the psychiatric hold and as excruciatingly difficult as it was to put here there, we felt it was necessary, at least until the paranoia subsided. I stayed for three days and visited her each day. She'd fluctuate between telling me I was an awful son, rehashing all the "documentation" she had on how horrible the doctors and my dad are, and then saying how she didn't want to ruin the family and we could all work it out. My brother stayed for another few days after I left and then had to get back home. He received similar treatment. We mistakenly thought we had things under control until she decided to write a very thoughtfully crafted letter stating explicitly that she requested release from the facility, nothing that she was "of sound mind and body."
The doctor, the facility and our attorney explained that they could no longer keep her there. We understood the limits of the POA, but this was hard to fathom. We had mounds of doctor's evidence from the psychiatric ward and the new doctor pointing to not only advanced dementia, but also stating that she was unable to care for herself and needed round the clock supervision from someone other than my dad. It wasn't enough. We needed a new plan. The doctor was clear that my dad couldn't stay with her and take care of her, so I looked into 24/7 hour nursing. I had no idea how much it cost and when I realized that $28k or so a month would be needed, we realized there no way we could cover this for any significant period of time, even with a portion offset by long term care.
We were lucky enough to have a family member that was a former nurse who was willing to come down for a time to stay with my mom. The good news was by this point, my mom did hear one thing from her doctor - that she needed "24/7 care," so we explained that we'd get her home on two conditions - (1) we had to wait till the family friend could get into town; and (2) she needed to do the doctor recommended cognitive evaluation with a neuropsychologist. She agreed to both.
The day after she did her neuro exam, she went home with our family member and has been home now for over a week. My dad has been couch surfing, trying to keep it together. It took a week but we received the neuro results and they confirmed what we thought we already knew but were nonetheless still devastating - severe vascular dementia. This, combined with an MRI they had done in the psychiatric ward, were enough for the doctors to recommend we pursue guardianship because she doesn't have capacity and can't make any of her own decisions, which we're doing now on an expedited basis. In the meantime, my mom has been up and down at home, and my dad has ridden the waves with her. He'll think she's turning a corner with a nice text or two to him but it will turn out she just wants help with her phone and if he spends a bit of time with her, she'll eventually turn on him - back to the same accusations. She's also taken some of his things and thrown them out near the trash, including his pacemaker monitor.
A couple days back, the neuro doctor walked my mom through her report and despite all the evidence to the contrary, my mom told me the report was "GREAT" (she noted she doesn't have Alzheimer's, which it seems is true, but vascular is no better from what I can tell; and perhaps worse in ways!). Given she was able to sit with the doctor and hear the results firsthand, I thought I could explain to her the severity of what was going on and why we needed to get her the care she needs but she just won't hear it. She thinks the doctors have told her she can either go into Assisted Living or get 24/7 care - that's not true at all. I've tried to explain that those two things are mutually exclusive, but again, she's not having it. She wants no part of memory care and believe me, if there was any way we could do this without having to put her into memory care, at least for some period of time, my whole family would be all for it. We don't see any alternative at this point.
The horrible thing is that if she won't go voluntarily, I think our only option is to call 911 and have her taken in once the guardianship has gone through. This breaks all of our hearts. I don't think my dad can do it. I don't know if I can do it but I know I may have to do it. My only solace is that our family member with her now says her quality at life at home right now is not good. She is either shuffling around the house "organizing" at all hours of the day and night, or on her phone (we believe making notes to herself that we're not sure she even saves). We all believe that in a facility over time, she may begin to socialize better and given how high functioning she is, even find some purpose and meaning in helping folks out who are suffering differently than she is. She's always been generous with her time and service-oriented (until this disease started to take all of that away a couple years back now that we realize what it was). We also think she'd benefit from excursions with us and others out of the facility for meals/events etc. if we can get her more stable.
I've read some incredible stories in these threads but wanted to share ours in the case it could help someone who might be going through the same things but also to see if there's anything we're missing? We feel we've explored every feasible option and our hands are tied at this point. I'm sick to my stomach all day long worrying about this and wake up almost every night trying to decide what to do. It's taken over all our lives. I welcome any feedback.
(*Note that I haven't given a ton of detail on the behavioral issues but suffice it to say that there's no possibility that my dad could look after her, at least right now. It's not safe for either her or him for the same reasons it wasn't that Easter Day. I also worry about any other caregiver as each person who has tried to help has become the subject of her ire and if they don't bend to her every request - take her to superfluous dr appts, hair appts, the phone store to check her phone which she never thinks is working properly, etc. - they will have hell to pay for some period of time.)
submitted by Beastie-Stew-1976 to dementia [link] [comments]
In the middle of the night after Easter Sunday, I got a call at 3am in the morning from mom telling me that my dad "finally did it - he tried to kill me." She was in the hospital and physically speaking, unharmed. She told me my dad was arrested and in the psych ward and that she needed to go as the doctors were checking up on her. Thankfully by the time I got off the phone, my dad had responded to a text I'd sent him saying what in the world is going on, saying that he had to call 911 on her; he was at home and safe by that point.
He'd woken up at 2am their time and had noticed she had left the house in her car. After a quick review of her iPhone location, he noticed she was at a house they had rented a number of years earlier. He drove over and could see her sitting on the couch, apparently alone. He tried tapping on the window thinking perhaps she was confused and didn't know where she was and had wandered in. She saw him but then looked away and moved to another room. Finally, he realized he needed to knock on the door. He knew the couple that lived there casually and explained she'd been struggling recently. The husband told him he didn't know what to think at first when she said he had tried to kill her, but quickly realized something wasn't right. He had already called 911. My dad also called 911 because she wouldn't leave with him and he didn't know what else to do.
When the police arrived, they quickly realized something was very wrong with my mom and that my dad didn't pose any threat to her (she admitted right away that he was sleeping when she left). She was moved to the hospital and my dad went home. At the hospital, they found her to be extremely manic - paranoid, delusional, hyperverbal. They (meaning multiple psychiatrists after examination and discussion with me and my dad) put her on an involuntary 72 hold under the state's emergency hold act for someone who was a danger to themselves or others (she was deemed to be a danger to herself because she had no insight into her situation and couldn't take care of herself).
After the 72 hours, they decided they needed to continue to hold her as she was still paranoid and delusional, as well as exhibiting signs of dementia. Once we were finally able to talk to a couple doctors live and get some very preliminary indications that she was suffering from progressive dementia and some form of delirium/psychosis, I was able to join my dad to try and figure out next steps. It became clear over the course of the next 10-11 days, that we were going to have to move her into memory care, so that's what we did. Signed a contract with as nice a place as we could find, hired a concierge psychiatrist billed as one of the best in the state, hired an elder care attorney and also an advocate to help my dad navigate the situation.
We received word (after following up day after day with very little communication) that she would be released from the psychiatric ward mid-week and arranged for her to be taken directly to the memory card facility based on doctor's advice. Despite a hiccup where she talked the driver into bringing her home first, where I luckily just happened to be eating lunch, we got her checked into the facility (I told her it was either back to the psych ward or to the facility and she happy complied). Problem was - she didn't realize it was memory care and it only took about four hours before the phone calls started about how awful the place was, how she had to get out, the place wasn't safe, I was a bad son, my dad was evil, etc. etc.
As an aside, up to this point, we thought we had done just about everything by the book. Ironically, it was my mom who insisted some number of years ago that she and my dad should get long term care insurance in addition to executing both health care representative POAs and financial POAs. After talking with the elder law attorney, we felt we had 99% of what was needed to at least take some of the strain out of the situation. He did say that if the proverbial shit hit the fan, the POAs might not be enough and that we'd need full legal guardianship, but he felt pretty good that we could do what the doctors were advising us to do and get her into a structured facility, at least for the time and try to get her stable. If we could get her 30 days of very structured care, the doctor told us that there's always a chance she could respond well. ("Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst" in his words.)
And that's where things fell apart. Even though the psychiatrist/MD realized very quickly that she was suffering from some form of moderate to severe dementia, my mom is very high functioning and began plotting almost immediately to get out of the facility despite our insistence that she needed the 24/7 care at least for the time being. She was calling everyone she knew - friends, other family, other doctors etc., insisting that she was fine; it was my dad who needed help, and that she needed out right away.
The above had become a familiar refrain over the last 12-18 months. It started innocently enough when my mom had made a comment that she was a little afraid of my dad because he'd gotten angry one evening. I took it very seriously and asked her to take me through what had happened. Apparently they'd gotten into a minor argument at one point over something trivial. My mom kept needling him on the issue and he eventually pounded his fist on the table (completely out of character for him) and it had rattled her. I explained to my mom that I took this seriously and I'd talk with him to make sure everything was ok. I did confront him and he was honest - said he lost his temper but that mom was just on him 24/7 about things that were either minor or simply not true. She claimed he played golf every day when in reality he played maybe 2-3 times a month (he's retired so I'm not sure what would be wrong with playing everyday but I guess that's besides the point). She would get pissed at him for being gone for too long but she'd also get pissed for him not going out and finding things today. There was a lot of this.
From that point, things got worse - she had a surgery in September of last year where she underwent general anesthesia and that really seemed to light a fire under the symptoms. She began to withdraw even further from social activities. She wasn't sleeping much at night; hardly eating. The accusations against my dad got bigger and bolder (he had a girlfriend that was 40 years younger than him; he'd bought a boat among them). None of these things were true. My brother went to stay with my folks for a few months - he wanted to spend time with them in any event, but we also thought it would be good for him to see the dynamic up close. Maybe our dad was doing some things he shouldn't? Maybe he needed to adjust his behavior? Well, after three months, my brother could tell something was seriously wrong with my mom. She was not herself and things were getting worse.
Three days before the Easter Sunday where it all went south, my mom was supposed to come up to where my wife and I live and go into assisted living for 30-60 days. She wanted to do it and we were excited because we thought it would give us a chance to have some objective views from the staff on what might be going on. We thought dementia was a real possibility because her own primary care doctor had suggested for at least 12 months that she get tested but she'd canceled no less than three appointments (the last two literally as they were getting in the car). For reasons that still aren't entirely clear, she canceled at the last minute. Even though my wife and I had made the arrangements and had everything essentially ready to go, my mom insisted on trying to plan with the facility as well and some wires got crossed on trivial things. It seems those things caused her to be suspicious and start to believe we were "trying to put her away." Again though, this was her idea.
It was the period between the cancellation and Easter Sunday that things just spiraled. My wife and I, among others, were getting texts and phone calls in the middle of the night, all night during those three to four days. They were increasingly paranoid and unhinged, linking my dad to the husband of a family friend who'd committed suicide. Saying he was a narcissist, just like my dad. Many things that simply were not at all in line with the character of my dad (and not just according to me but everyone who ever knew him and knew him well). When she began to bring up the fact that she thought the friend's husband had killed her, I knew things were bad. I suggested my dad get out of the house and give her some space. I was worried about both of them. She's tiny but you never know. I also didn't want my dad arrested or put into a situation where the stress can be overwhelming - he's got a bard heart. So he did leave the day before Easter, even though he totally discounted my concern.
The reason he came back on Easter Sunday was because she asked him to. She wanted to celebrate and see the dog. By all accounts, they had a nice evening and even watched a movie together before he went to bed. And then she decided to get in her car, drive 80 miles to a house they used to live in and tell the shocked couple that my dad was trying to kill her!
So, she's in the memory care facility after her release from the psychiatric hold and as excruciatingly difficult as it was to put here there, we felt it was necessary, at least until the paranoia subsided. I stayed for three days and visited her each day. She'd fluctuate between telling me I was an awful son, rehashing all the "documentation" she had on how horrible the doctors and my dad are, and then saying how she didn't want to ruin the family and we could all work it out. My brother stayed for another few days after I left and then had to get back home. He received similar treatment. We mistakenly thought we had things under control until she decided to write a very thoughtfully crafted letter stating explicitly that she requested release from the facility, nothing that she was "of sound mind and body."
The doctor, the facility and our attorney explained that they could no longer keep her there. We understood the limits of the POA, but this was hard to fathom. We had mounds of doctor's evidence from the psychiatric ward and the new doctor pointing to not only advanced dementia, but also stating that she was unable to care for herself and needed round the clock supervision from someone other than my dad. It wasn't enough. We needed a new plan. The doctor was clear that my dad couldn't stay with her and take care of her, so I looked into 24/7 hour nursing. I had no idea how much it cost and when I realized that $28k or so a month would be needed, we realized there no way we could cover this for any significant period of time, even with a portion offset by long term care.
We were lucky enough to have a family member that was a former nurse who was willing to come down for a time to stay with my mom. The good news was by this point, my mom did hear one thing from her doctor - that she needed "24/7 care," so we explained that we'd get her home on two conditions - (1) we had to wait till the family friend could get into town; and (2) she needed to do the doctor recommended cognitive evaluation with a neuropsychologist. She agreed to both.
The day after she did her neuro exam, she went home with our family member and has been home now for over a week. My dad has been couch surfing, trying to keep it together. It took a week but we received the neuro results and they confirmed what we thought we already knew but were nonetheless still devastating - severe vascular dementia. This, combined with an MRI they had done in the psychiatric ward, were enough for the doctors to recommend we pursue guardianship because she doesn't have capacity and can't make any of her own decisions, which we're doing now on an expedited basis. In the meantime, my mom has been up and down at home, and my dad has ridden the waves with her. He'll think she's turning a corner with a nice text or two to him but it will turn out she just wants help with her phone and if he spends a bit of time with her, she'll eventually turn on him - back to the same accusations. She's also taken some of his things and thrown them out near the trash, including his pacemaker monitor.
A couple days back, the neuro doctor walked my mom through her report and despite all the evidence to the contrary, my mom told me the report was "GREAT" (she noted she doesn't have Alzheimer's, which it seems is true, but vascular is no better from what I can tell; and perhaps worse in ways!). Given she was able to sit with the doctor and hear the results firsthand, I thought I could explain to her the severity of what was going on and why we needed to get her the care she needs but she just won't hear it. She thinks the doctors have told her she can either go into Assisted Living or get 24/7 care - that's not true at all. I've tried to explain that those two things are mutually exclusive, but again, she's not having it. She wants no part of memory care and believe me, if there was any way we could do this without having to put her into memory care, at least for some period of time, my whole family would be all for it. We don't see any alternative at this point.
The horrible thing is that if she won't go voluntarily, I think our only option is to call 911 and have her taken in once the guardianship has gone through. This breaks all of our hearts. I don't think my dad can do it. I don't know if I can do it but I know I may have to do it. My only solace is that our family member with her now says her quality at life at home right now is not good. She is either shuffling around the house "organizing" at all hours of the day and night, or on her phone (we believe making notes to herself that we're not sure she even saves). We all believe that in a facility over time, she may begin to socialize better and given how high functioning she is, even find some purpose and meaning in helping folks out who are suffering differently than she is. She's always been generous with her time and service-oriented (until this disease started to take all of that away a couple years back now that we realize what it was). We also think she'd benefit from excursions with us and others out of the facility for meals/events etc. if we can get her more stable.
I've read some incredible stories in these threads but wanted to share ours in the case it could help someone who might be going through the same things but also to see if there's anything we're missing? We feel we've explored every feasible option and our hands are tied at this point. I'm sick to my stomach all day long worrying about this and wake up almost every night trying to decide what to do. It's taken over all our lives. I welcome any feedback.
(*Note that I haven't given a ton of detail on the behavioral issues but suffice it to say that there's no possibility that my dad could look after her, at least right now. It's not safe for either her or him for the same reasons it wasn't that Easter Day. I also worry about any other caregiver as each person who has tried to help has become the subject of her ire and if they don't bend to her every request - take her to superfluous dr appts, hair appts, the phone store to check her phone which she never thinks is working properly, etc. - they will have hell to pay for some period of time.)
2024.05.13 21:21 stockinvest-us Novavax, Inc. (NVAX) Hits All-Time High After Sanofi Deal 🚀 - Technical Analysis and Market Position Evaluation
🚀 Unlock Exclusive Insights on NVAX: Get deeper analysis and expert views on NVAX's latest market trends before you read on. Click Here to Dive In 🌟
Technical Analysis
As of the last recorded trading day on May 10, 2024, Novavax, Inc. (NVAX) closed at $8.88 after a strong upward movement of 98.66%. Technical indicators reveal a highly volatile trading day with share prices ranging between $8.61 and $11.00. The significant price fluctuation has thrust the Relative Strength Index (RSI) to an extremely high value of 89. Typically, an RSI above 70 indicates a potentially overbought condition, suggesting a pullback might be imminent.
The Moving Average Convergence Divergence (MACD) shows a slight positive at 0.011845, indicating recent increasing momentum in stock price movement. Meanwhile, the volatility, as measured by the Average True Range (ATR), remains high at 7.98, confirming the stock's continued susceptibility to large price swings. The 50-day moving average at $4.7402 and the 200-day moving average at $5.83295 both lie significantly below the current price, highlighting a bullish trend in the short to medium term.
Fundamental Analysis
Novavax’s market capitalization stands at approximately $1.89 billion with a striking recent volume of 114.9 million shares, much higher than its average volume of 9.46 million. This spike in volume likely reflects the market's reaction to recent significant corporate developments. NVAX reported a Q1 earnings miss but entered into a strategic partnership with Sanofi to market its COVID-19 vaccine, which includes an upfront payment of $1.2 billion. This deal not only provides Novavax with necessary capital but also a robust pipeline for future revenue generation, considerably improving its long-term outlook.
However, the stock still wrestles with a negative EPS of -$5.41 and a PE ratio of -2.49, underscoring ongoing profitability challenges. The recent arrangement with Sanofi seems to address some of the liquidity risks previously flagged by their "going concern" warning, though operational profitability remains under scrutiny.
Market Position and Intrinsic Value
The intrinsic value of NVAX is challenging to determine due to its negative earnings. However, the strategic alliance with Sanofi could be seen as a pivotal turnaround, promising enhanced market penetration for its vaccines and stabilizing its financial base. Analysts show a high target consensus for NVAX at $96.50, suggesting strong confidence in its future price appreciation driven by fundamental improvements.
Stock Performance Predictions
Given the exceedingly high RSI and the sharp increase in stock price, NVAX might experience some correction in the next trading day as traders potentially look to capitalize on the recent gains. Over the upcoming week, the market's perception of the Sanofi deal as a long-term growth catalyst might temper excessive volatility, but cautious trading due to the recent spike should be expected.
Long-Term Investment Potential
In the long run, if Novavax successfully leverages its partnership with Sanofi to mitigate financial risks and boost vaccine sales, the stock carries substantial upside potential. The broader market's reception to their combined COVID-19 and influenza vaccines will be pivotal.
Overall Evaluation
Considering the technical overbought signals, but balanced by fundamentally transformative partnersh [...]
👉 Dive deeper into our analysis and predictions! CLICK HERE NOW
submitted by stockinvest-us to StockInvest [link] [comments]
Technical Analysis
As of the last recorded trading day on May 10, 2024, Novavax, Inc. (NVAX) closed at $8.88 after a strong upward movement of 98.66%. Technical indicators reveal a highly volatile trading day with share prices ranging between $8.61 and $11.00. The significant price fluctuation has thrust the Relative Strength Index (RSI) to an extremely high value of 89. Typically, an RSI above 70 indicates a potentially overbought condition, suggesting a pullback might be imminent.
The Moving Average Convergence Divergence (MACD) shows a slight positive at 0.011845, indicating recent increasing momentum in stock price movement. Meanwhile, the volatility, as measured by the Average True Range (ATR), remains high at 7.98, confirming the stock's continued susceptibility to large price swings. The 50-day moving average at $4.7402 and the 200-day moving average at $5.83295 both lie significantly below the current price, highlighting a bullish trend in the short to medium term.
Fundamental Analysis
Novavax’s market capitalization stands at approximately $1.89 billion with a striking recent volume of 114.9 million shares, much higher than its average volume of 9.46 million. This spike in volume likely reflects the market's reaction to recent significant corporate developments. NVAX reported a Q1 earnings miss but entered into a strategic partnership with Sanofi to market its COVID-19 vaccine, which includes an upfront payment of $1.2 billion. This deal not only provides Novavax with necessary capital but also a robust pipeline for future revenue generation, considerably improving its long-term outlook.
However, the stock still wrestles with a negative EPS of -$5.41 and a PE ratio of -2.49, underscoring ongoing profitability challenges. The recent arrangement with Sanofi seems to address some of the liquidity risks previously flagged by their "going concern" warning, though operational profitability remains under scrutiny.
Market Position and Intrinsic Value
The intrinsic value of NVAX is challenging to determine due to its negative earnings. However, the strategic alliance with Sanofi could be seen as a pivotal turnaround, promising enhanced market penetration for its vaccines and stabilizing its financial base. Analysts show a high target consensus for NVAX at $96.50, suggesting strong confidence in its future price appreciation driven by fundamental improvements.
Stock Performance Predictions
Given the exceedingly high RSI and the sharp increase in stock price, NVAX might experience some correction in the next trading day as traders potentially look to capitalize on the recent gains. Over the upcoming week, the market's perception of the Sanofi deal as a long-term growth catalyst might temper excessive volatility, but cautious trading due to the recent spike should be expected.
Long-Term Investment Potential
In the long run, if Novavax successfully leverages its partnership with Sanofi to mitigate financial risks and boost vaccine sales, the stock carries substantial upside potential. The broader market's reception to their combined COVID-19 and influenza vaccines will be pivotal.
Overall Evaluation
Considering the technical overbought signals, but balanced by fundamentally transformative partnersh [...]
👉 Dive deeper into our analysis and predictions! CLICK HERE NOW
2024.05.13 20:09 jules_nyder [FS][Gatineau, Canada] 1996 KHS Aero Comp Small frameset
1996 KHS Aero Comp ZH2B frameset (04/96).
True Temper butted steel frame featuring a biovalized top tube, a teardrop downtube and the signature curved seat tube.
The frame has no dents, the paint has typical signs of use with some small nicks and chips throughout but is otherwise in good condition. The original aluminum fork is cut short and needs a low stack headset.
Asking Can$600 for the frame, fork, CK GripNut headset (brown Sotto Vocce cups, red top nuts) and Suntour Superpe Pro seatpost.
Will ship at buyers expenses.
TT 53cm c-c, ST 51cm c-t, Wheelbase 94cm, Headtube 100mm, Seat post 27.2mm, Spacing 100/130mm
https://imgur.com/a/djAUZyg
submitted by jules_nyder to BikeShop [link] [comments]
True Temper butted steel frame featuring a biovalized top tube, a teardrop downtube and the signature curved seat tube.
The frame has no dents, the paint has typical signs of use with some small nicks and chips throughout but is otherwise in good condition. The original aluminum fork is cut short and needs a low stack headset.
Asking Can$600 for the frame, fork, CK GripNut headset (brown Sotto Vocce cups, red top nuts) and Suntour Superpe Pro seatpost.
Will ship at buyers expenses.
TT 53cm c-c, ST 51cm c-t, Wheelbase 94cm, Headtube 100mm, Seat post 27.2mm, Spacing 100/130mm
https://imgur.com/a/djAUZyg
2024.05.13 19:42 Relative-Obscurity I'm a single mom. I never knew who The Donor was. Now there's something very wrong with my son.
Link to original nosleep post:
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/1cq87q1/im_a_single_mom_i_never_knew_who_the_donor_was/
It all started when I got divorced at the age of thirty-nine, and was left with a choice.
Return to the dating "circuit," as my single girl friends would jokingly refer to it, and take my chances on finding a man ready to jump right into having a family, or explore alternative means of having a child... on my own.
"On my own." The very sound of it terrified me, but when I thought about starting a relationship all over again after ten long years of trying to salvage one, going it alone didn't sound so bad.
And so...
...The next day, I began looking into artificial insemination by way of an anonymous sperm donation.
...A week after that, I was at a fertility clinic, looking through a database containing profiles of potential anonymous donors and making arrangements for a procedure...
...A month after that, I was pregnant...
...And nine months after that, I was giving birth to my beautiful baby boy... David.
And while I didn't know who David's biological father was, it didn't matter. I was his mother. He was my son. And we were in it together.
That is, until almost seven years later, when I received a call from an unknown number, that would change my life forever.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Is this Mary Birch?" A man asked on the other line.
"Yes, this is she..." I replied, prepared to hang up at the earliest sign of spam risk.
"The same Mary Birch who received an artificial insemination from an anonymous sperm donor seven years ago tomorrow?"
Fuck. I thought to myself, assuming that after all these years, the anonymous donor himself had suddenly come looking for me... or worse... David.
"This is Ryan McDonald. I was a nurse at the fertility clinic where you chose your anonymous donor and underwent your procedure."
"Okay..." I replied, unsure of where he was going with it.
"Mary, I'm not sure exactly how to tell you this... but there's something you need to know about David."
"What?"
"And I need to tell you before tomorrow."
—
Later that night, I was sitting at a diner, texting David's babysitter his dietary restrictions, while at the same time researching where to rent a bouncy house for his seventh birthday the next day, when Ryan McDonald sat down in the booth across from me.
He didn't look familiar, but in my defense, it had been almost seven years, and it wasn't like I ever got to know any of the countless nurses I had met during the process.
"This is going to be difficult to hear..." Ryan began, before taking a deep breath. "But David isn't the only child conceived using his biological father's sperm."
"Fair enough. I always knew there was a chance that there were others out there." I replied, relieved to hear what I assumed was why he brought me there.
But my assumption was very wrong.
"Yeah but the thing is..." He added, before hesitating, and then leaning in to whisper to me. "The others... There's something very wrong with them."
"Oh, well I guess I lucked out then." I said defensively, "'Cause David is the most level headed child. I honestly couldn't have asked for a more well behaved kid."
"See that's the thing..." Ryan continued, "So were they... Until their seventh birthdays."
"Seventh birthdays? Well, what happened then?"
"They... turned."
"Turned into what?"
"Killers."
I stopped for a minute and went completely silent, as he looked at me sympathetically...
...Until I suddenly burst out laughing.
"Killers? That's a good one! Hold on." I called out, as I looked around the diner, "Where are the hidden cameras? You're pranking me, right?"
"I'm afraid not, Mary."
That's when he pulled out the newspaper clippings.
There were nine stories in total, about nine different children. Each one having either gone on a killing spree, or attempted to, just after turning seven years old. And, according to Ryan, each one a child of "The Donor," as he kept referring to him.
"David, from what we know, is the tenth, and final child." He concluded, as he put the clippings back in his pocket.
The whole thing was all so overdramatic, so far-fetched, and so disrespectful to both me and my son... that whatever amusement I was finding in it, had long faded away. Instead... it was actually starting to piss me off.
"If you'll excuse me, Mr. McDonald, I'd better be going. I'm afraid your joke has gone a little too far." I declared with a scowl, as I grabbed my purse and stormed away.
"Wait!" He called out. "We need to talk about "The Donor.""
But I'd already made up my mind.
—
By the time I got home, David was fast asleep in his bedroom, and the babysitter was anxiously waiting to leave. After handing her some cash and heading upstairs, I got ready for bed, and put on some reality TV, to help get my mind off the bizarre, and unsettling encounter at the diner.
But when the clock struck midnight, and it officially became David's seventh birthday, I couldn't help but be reminded of Ryan's warning.
"See that's the thing... So were they... Until their seventh birthdays."
"Don't worry about it. It's just a bunch of nonsense." I whispered to myself, as I pulled the comforter over my head, shut off the light, and turned in for the night.
But just as I was falling asleep, I was suddenly awoken by a strange noise emanating from the hallway, specifically David's bedroom.
Cracking the door and tiptoeing down the hall, I slowly approached it.
And as I got closer, and closer, and closer...
...The noise grew louder, and louder, and louder...
...Until I reached the door to David's room, and was able to hear the sound more clearly. It was a growling noise, accented by what sounded like howling and drooling.
Surely, Ryan was right, and there was, in fact, something wrong with David. I thought to myself, terrified by what might have come over him.
I stood there for a moment, frozen in place, not knowing what to do.
Until I eventually worked up the courage to grab the doorknob and fling open the door....
...Only to find David curled up in bed, watching a horror movie, its hero on the verge of being devoured by a zombie.
Phew. I thought to myself, realizing that the film was the source of the unsettling sounds that I'd heard. Before my relief turned to anger.
"David! What are you doing? It's way past your bedtime!"
"Sorry, mom!" My son replied, looking even more scared than the movie's main character, and than I had just been, as he scrambled to find the clicker and turn off the TV.
Then I remembered that it was David's birthday, and suddenly felt bad, so I decided to let him watch TV until the movie ended, under one condition. That he be on his best behavior at his birthday party the next day.
—
But despite our agreement, when David's seventh birthday party commenced in our backyard the next day, something came over him that I'd never seen before.
A strange irritability. A temper that, had I not seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed he was capable of.
Seemingly out of nowhere, after showing his friend Bobby one of his birthday gifts, he suddenly snatched it back and yelled, "Give it back! It's not yours, it's mine!" Before shoving him to the ground.
"David!" I screamed, as Bobby's eyes welled up, and the other moms looked on in surprise. "That's enough! Now get inside and go to your room! Until I say otherwise!"
"But mom!" He cried back.
"I said go! Now!" I insisted.
But rather than continue to argue, his face suddenly turned blank and he simply walked back inside.
"Are you okay, Bobby?" I asked his friend, who had just picked himself up off the ground, and appeared to be fine, before turning to Bobby's mother, Roxy. "I am so sorry about that. I have no idea what's gotten into him."
But Roxy didn't say anything. She just stood there, silently, her mouth agape and her eyes wide in fear, as she looked over my shoulder.
I turned around...
...To find David, standing at the door to the backyard, holding a steak knife.
"David..." I began to scold him, but he had already come charging at me, as the rest of the party goers cried out in horror.
Now it's important to know why my husband had left so many years ago. Truth is, he had a terrible temper, and was prone to psychological and emotional abuse. He had never laid a finger on me, until one day, when, in the middle of a fight, he seemingly out of nowhere, picked up a kitchen knife and threatened to use it on me. Suffice to say, a month later, we had filed for divorce.
Which is why, in that moment, as my child held one of his own, repeating history, I simply...
...Froze...
...As he grew closer... and closer... and closer, raising his weapon in the air, ready to strike.
But before he was able to bring the knife down on me, suddenly a hand emerged out of nowhere and caught his arm, freezing his blade in midair, just an inch from my face.
And when I turned to investigate who had saved me from my child...
...I saw Ryan McDonald standing there, a look of sorrow in his eyes, as if to say, "Told ya so."
But all he said was, "We have to talk about "The Donor.""
submitted by Relative-Obscurity to relativeobscurity [link] [comments]
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/1cq87q1/im_a_single_mom_i_never_knew_who_the_donor_was/
It all started when I got divorced at the age of thirty-nine, and was left with a choice.
Return to the dating "circuit," as my single girl friends would jokingly refer to it, and take my chances on finding a man ready to jump right into having a family, or explore alternative means of having a child... on my own.
"On my own." The very sound of it terrified me, but when I thought about starting a relationship all over again after ten long years of trying to salvage one, going it alone didn't sound so bad.
And so...
...The next day, I began looking into artificial insemination by way of an anonymous sperm donation.
...A week after that, I was at a fertility clinic, looking through a database containing profiles of potential anonymous donors and making arrangements for a procedure...
...A month after that, I was pregnant...
...And nine months after that, I was giving birth to my beautiful baby boy... David.
And while I didn't know who David's biological father was, it didn't matter. I was his mother. He was my son. And we were in it together.
That is, until almost seven years later, when I received a call from an unknown number, that would change my life forever.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Is this Mary Birch?" A man asked on the other line.
"Yes, this is she..." I replied, prepared to hang up at the earliest sign of spam risk.
"The same Mary Birch who received an artificial insemination from an anonymous sperm donor seven years ago tomorrow?"
Fuck. I thought to myself, assuming that after all these years, the anonymous donor himself had suddenly come looking for me... or worse... David.
"This is Ryan McDonald. I was a nurse at the fertility clinic where you chose your anonymous donor and underwent your procedure."
"Okay..." I replied, unsure of where he was going with it.
"Mary, I'm not sure exactly how to tell you this... but there's something you need to know about David."
"What?"
"And I need to tell you before tomorrow."
—
Later that night, I was sitting at a diner, texting David's babysitter his dietary restrictions, while at the same time researching where to rent a bouncy house for his seventh birthday the next day, when Ryan McDonald sat down in the booth across from me.
He didn't look familiar, but in my defense, it had been almost seven years, and it wasn't like I ever got to know any of the countless nurses I had met during the process.
"This is going to be difficult to hear..." Ryan began, before taking a deep breath. "But David isn't the only child conceived using his biological father's sperm."
"Fair enough. I always knew there was a chance that there were others out there." I replied, relieved to hear what I assumed was why he brought me there.
But my assumption was very wrong.
"Yeah but the thing is..." He added, before hesitating, and then leaning in to whisper to me. "The others... There's something very wrong with them."
"Oh, well I guess I lucked out then." I said defensively, "'Cause David is the most level headed child. I honestly couldn't have asked for a more well behaved kid."
"See that's the thing..." Ryan continued, "So were they... Until their seventh birthdays."
"Seventh birthdays? Well, what happened then?"
"They... turned."
"Turned into what?"
"Killers."
I stopped for a minute and went completely silent, as he looked at me sympathetically...
...Until I suddenly burst out laughing.
"Killers? That's a good one! Hold on." I called out, as I looked around the diner, "Where are the hidden cameras? You're pranking me, right?"
"I'm afraid not, Mary."
That's when he pulled out the newspaper clippings.
There were nine stories in total, about nine different children. Each one having either gone on a killing spree, or attempted to, just after turning seven years old. And, according to Ryan, each one a child of "The Donor," as he kept referring to him.
"David, from what we know, is the tenth, and final child." He concluded, as he put the clippings back in his pocket.
The whole thing was all so overdramatic, so far-fetched, and so disrespectful to both me and my son... that whatever amusement I was finding in it, had long faded away. Instead... it was actually starting to piss me off.
"If you'll excuse me, Mr. McDonald, I'd better be going. I'm afraid your joke has gone a little too far." I declared with a scowl, as I grabbed my purse and stormed away.
"Wait!" He called out. "We need to talk about "The Donor.""
But I'd already made up my mind.
—
By the time I got home, David was fast asleep in his bedroom, and the babysitter was anxiously waiting to leave. After handing her some cash and heading upstairs, I got ready for bed, and put on some reality TV, to help get my mind off the bizarre, and unsettling encounter at the diner.
But when the clock struck midnight, and it officially became David's seventh birthday, I couldn't help but be reminded of Ryan's warning.
"See that's the thing... So were they... Until their seventh birthdays."
"Don't worry about it. It's just a bunch of nonsense." I whispered to myself, as I pulled the comforter over my head, shut off the light, and turned in for the night.
But just as I was falling asleep, I was suddenly awoken by a strange noise emanating from the hallway, specifically David's bedroom.
Cracking the door and tiptoeing down the hall, I slowly approached it.
And as I got closer, and closer, and closer...
...The noise grew louder, and louder, and louder...
...Until I reached the door to David's room, and was able to hear the sound more clearly. It was a growling noise, accented by what sounded like howling and drooling.
Surely, Ryan was right, and there was, in fact, something wrong with David. I thought to myself, terrified by what might have come over him.
I stood there for a moment, frozen in place, not knowing what to do.
Until I eventually worked up the courage to grab the doorknob and fling open the door....
...Only to find David curled up in bed, watching a horror movie, its hero on the verge of being devoured by a zombie.
Phew. I thought to myself, realizing that the film was the source of the unsettling sounds that I'd heard. Before my relief turned to anger.
"David! What are you doing? It's way past your bedtime!"
"Sorry, mom!" My son replied, looking even more scared than the movie's main character, and than I had just been, as he scrambled to find the clicker and turn off the TV.
Then I remembered that it was David's birthday, and suddenly felt bad, so I decided to let him watch TV until the movie ended, under one condition. That he be on his best behavior at his birthday party the next day.
—
But despite our agreement, when David's seventh birthday party commenced in our backyard the next day, something came over him that I'd never seen before.
A strange irritability. A temper that, had I not seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't have believed he was capable of.
Seemingly out of nowhere, after showing his friend Bobby one of his birthday gifts, he suddenly snatched it back and yelled, "Give it back! It's not yours, it's mine!" Before shoving him to the ground.
"David!" I screamed, as Bobby's eyes welled up, and the other moms looked on in surprise. "That's enough! Now get inside and go to your room! Until I say otherwise!"
"But mom!" He cried back.
"I said go! Now!" I insisted.
But rather than continue to argue, his face suddenly turned blank and he simply walked back inside.
"Are you okay, Bobby?" I asked his friend, who had just picked himself up off the ground, and appeared to be fine, before turning to Bobby's mother, Roxy. "I am so sorry about that. I have no idea what's gotten into him."
But Roxy didn't say anything. She just stood there, silently, her mouth agape and her eyes wide in fear, as she looked over my shoulder.
I turned around...
...To find David, standing at the door to the backyard, holding a steak knife.
"David..." I began to scold him, but he had already come charging at me, as the rest of the party goers cried out in horror.
Now it's important to know why my husband had left so many years ago. Truth is, he had a terrible temper, and was prone to psychological and emotional abuse. He had never laid a finger on me, until one day, when, in the middle of a fight, he seemingly out of nowhere, picked up a kitchen knife and threatened to use it on me. Suffice to say, a month later, we had filed for divorce.
Which is why, in that moment, as my child held one of his own, repeating history, I simply...
...Froze...
...As he grew closer... and closer... and closer, raising his weapon in the air, ready to strike.
But before he was able to bring the knife down on me, suddenly a hand emerged out of nowhere and caught his arm, freezing his blade in midair, just an inch from my face.
And when I turned to investigate who had saved me from my child...
...I saw Ryan McDonald standing there, a look of sorrow in his eyes, as if to say, "Told ya so."
But all he said was, "We have to talk about "The Donor.""
2024.05.13 14:57 readingitnowagain Congressman Jamaal Bowman says "racism is the number-one issue facing [my] district" and the AIPAC Israel lobby is doing everything they can to take him down.
https://nymag.com/intelligencearticle/jamaal-bowman-george-latimer-primary-israel.html
The Most Endangered Democrat in America Jamaal Bowman might lose his job over Israel.
By Ross Barkan
Jamaal Bowman, the two-term congressman from Westchester County and the would-be future of the progressive left, is tired of the questions about George Latimer. "Yeah, I mean, I think it says something about his character, his integrity, and his actual leadership for the district. But enough of him. When are we going to talk about me?"
We're at Salsa Picante, a Mexican restaurant in Port Chester, the heavily Latino village on the eastern reaches of the 16th congressional district. It's late April, and Bowman, munching on chicken empanadas, is in a cheery mood, despite my prodding on Latimer. The night before, Summer Lee, a fellow progressive in Congress, had survived a furious primary challenge, and Bowman senses a pattern. "Salut!" he calls out. "I'm excited, hopefully, for the whole progressive movement to zero in on NY-16. Let's get to work."
The work is daunting. Bowman, less than two months from the June 25 primary, is one of the most endangered Democratic incumbents in America. This is in spite of — or because of — his charisma and budding celebrity, his ability to slash through the noise of 435 House members and command attention on a scale only one or two levels removed from Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. A former public-school principal and self-described hip-hop head, Bowman marries her online savvy with a deft working-class touch. Burly and boisterous, with a knack for whipping up crowds, it is not hard to imagine him as a future presidential candidate, storming through South Carolina with a pack of reporters hanging on his every word.
But first he needs to win. And Latimer, the sitting Westchester County executive, has outraised him in the primary, thanks in part to the American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC) — the conservative, ardently pro-Israel political powerhouse that is seeking to crush the pro-Palestinian movement and the left itself. "They do not want any critique, they do not want any accountability, and so what it looks like to people in my district and around the country is that Israel can do whatever it wants even though, to people on the outside looking in, it looks completely wrong and horrible," Bowman says of AIPAC. "One, it doesn't represent all the Jews. It doesn't represent all the Jews in Israel!"
"If Israel represents all the Jews," Bowman continues, revving up now, "and if Israel is doing bad things without accountability, some idiot in the street just makes the connection that, Oh, Jews must be bad because Israel is bad. That's fucking — excuse my language — that's effing scary, man, and dangerous. And as we fight antisemitism, that has to include accountability for Israel."
There was a time, not very long ago, when no member of Congress would speak this way. The Israeli government's response that has starved out Gaza and killed thousands of civilians has catalyzed a new era though. Mass protests have flooded the streets and rocked college campuses, including two, Columbia and City College, that are only a short drive from Westchester. Bowman has been an AIPAC target for his support of conditioning military aid to Israel and his willingness to label the military campaign in Gaza a "genocide," among other criticism lodged at the Jewish state. "AIPAC is one of the most powerful lobbies in America. Well you know what we have got to say to AIPAC? Bring it on," he said at his campaign kickoff earlier this year. "AIPAC, bring it on. We are not scared of none of that. I'm from the streets of New York."
In this deeply polarized moment, with Israel hawks reasserting themselves and the pro-Palestinian movement booming, few primaries in America offer a starker contrast between two candidates.
In one corner is Bowman, 48, the first Black congressman from Westchester who, just four years ago, unseated one of the staunchest Israel defenders in Congress, Eliot Engel. He immediately joined Ocaso-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, and Rashida Tlaib as one of the nation's leading progressives. Latimer, meanwhile, is a 70-year-old county executive, ex-state senator, ex-assemblyman, and ex-Rye councilman. (He also had a career, as he likes to remind voters, in marketing and sales.) After October 7, AIPAC asked Latimer to run against Bowman. "I was a reluctant bride," he told me in May, less than 24 hours after the NYPD had raided Columbia's campus to arrest the protesters who had occupied Hamilton Hall.
I met Latimer at the Mount Vernon Metro North station, where he dutifully passed out palm cards ("Good morning, I'm George Latimer, I'm on the ballot") to the few dreary commuters who ambled through. A couple lit up when they recognized him and one man, who was white, seemed to lament "identity politics" while promising his vote to Latimer. And it's easy to make this race, as much as it's become about Israel, about race: Latimer is the white ethnic, Irish and Italian, trying to depose a congressman who told me racism is the number-one issue facing the district and that he views himself, as the first Black man to hold this congressional seat, as a role model to Black youth throughout the area.
The district, which also ropes in a sliver of the northern Bronx including the sprawling and Bowman-friendly Co-op City, is both diverse and plenty segregated, with towns of immense wealth like Scarsdale lying within half-hour drives from working-class Yonkers. It's about 40 percent white, 29 percent Hispanic, and 21 percent Black. Bowman's trouble is that the white, well-heeled vote has soured on him, and Jews are expected to flock to Latimer. Jerry Skurnik, a Democratic consultant and data analyst, estimates that as much as 15 percent of the Democratic electorate who turn out in the primary might be Jewish. A conservative group, Westchester Unites, undertook an effort to register Jewish Republicans as Democrats to impact the primary, in an implicit effort to boost Latimer and undercut Bowman.
Both campaigns agree that Israel alone is not what motivates voters in Westchester and the Bronx, who are mostly consumed with the cost of living. Bowman, as a national figure, may be vulnerable to the very attacks that he once leveled against Engel: He's too high-flown to care adequately about quotidian Westchester concerns. "He has a different brand of politics which appeals more so to getting clicks and likes and retweets and making headlines versus someone who has delivered," said Tyrae Woodson-Samuels, the majority leader of the Westchester County Board of Legislators and a Latimer supporter.
Latimer is the rare insurgent who also profiles as an incumbent and can theoretically neutralize some of the attacks he's taking from the left. If, on Israel, Latimer has held to the rightward fringe of his own party — he refused, in his conversation with me, to support Chuck Schumer's call for Netanyahu to step aside — he is, on almost every other issue, a conventional, center-left Democrat. Until challenging Bowman, he regularly took the Working Families Party ballot line and earned plaudits from progressives for ousting Rob Astorino, his right-wing Republican predecessor as county executive.
"There are lots of people who really like both candidates," says Evan Roth Smith, a Democratic pollster. "For many voters, the most loyal Democratic voters who do turn out in these kinds of primaries, it's sort of like picking between mom and dad."
Latimer, in that sense, was the dream recruit for AIPAC and Democratic Majority for Israel, another influential PAC that is spending heavily in Democratic primaries to bludgeon progressives. His knowledge of the district is encyclopedic and he shows up at every town board meeting, chicken dinner, and parade imaginable; he tells me he's at train stations five days a week and bagel shops on weekends. He has the ability to cut into Bowman's Black support, with endorsements from the Democratic committees in Yonkers and Mount Vernon. Bowman has won the backing of the influential health-care workers' union 1199 SEIU, but Latimer has racked up his own support from civil-service, transit, and firefighters' unions. In his Facebook musings on classic rock and the Knicks, he comes off as earnest and homespun, a Mr. Fix-It paterfamilias.
The cash, though, is anything but homespun. Latimer, never a prolific fundraiser before, banked $3 million at the end of March, double Bowman's haul, and there are top donors who are either AIPAC-affiliated or cut checks to Donald Trump, including Alex Campos, Alex Dubitsky, and Stephen and Carolyn Lauro, who once hosted a Long Island fundraiser for Trump. Another donor is Daniel Loeb, the hedge-fund billionaire who accused Latimer's old ally, the Black State Senate majority leader Andrea Stewart-Cousins, of doing "more damage to people of color than anyone who has ever donned a hood" because she wasn't a supporter of charter schools, is another donor.
"You're the reason why these guys are donating to me — because of what you said and done," Latimer says of Bowman at the New Rochelle Diner after finishing at the Mount Vernon train stop. "I'm not even soliciting them. I have an event, they send checks. It's not going to change what I do in Congress, Ross, I'm going to be a very progressive congressman on most policy issues."
"It's deeply disturbing that the Latimer campaign is being financed by many of the same people trying to elect Trump," says Jasmine Gripper, the co-director of the Working Families Party's New York chapter. "He's accepting financing from people actively working against the Democratic Party."
The real threat for Bowman is the super-PAC spending. AIPAC and DMFI together can blow past $20 million, if they choose, in attack ads and mail. (AIPAC did not respond to a request for comment.) And he offers them enough fodder, like a House censure for pulling a false fire alarm when Democrats were trying to stall a vote, which Bowman told me was an accident and Latimer believes was intentional. Blog posts Bowman wrote more than a decade ago appeared to give credence to 9/11 conspiracy theories and last week his YouTube page following conspiracy accounts became news. More recently, he was forced to apologize after lavishing praise on Norman Finkelstein, the acerbic anti-Israel scholar, at a panel discussion.
"Bowman has been one of the most anti-Israel members of the entire United States Congress," charges Mark Mellman, the president of DMFI. "If he is defeated, it will send a strong message to the rest of the country." Justice Democrats, the group that helped launch politicians like Bowman into orbit and is fighting desperately now to save him, would not disagree with that last part. "It's absolutely a threat to the progressive movement and I think we have to be clear-eyed about what's at stake here," Usamah Andrabi, the group's communications director, tells me. "The same people spending millions to try to elect Donald Trump and prevent Hakeem Jeffries from being speaker of the House are also spending millions to try to send George Latimer to Congress."
Latimer, who once falsely accused Bowman of taking money "from Hamas," argues the AIPAC cash has only arrived because he was already, long before the primary, genuinely pro-Israel. He also believes Bowman invited their wrath. "If Mike Tyson was in the room and I decided to go over to Mike Tyson and say, 'Hey Mike Tyson, bring it on, yo,' what do I think Mike Tyson might do to me? Whatever I used to be, I wouldn't be the same person after he finished with me."
Latimer has a fondness for analogies. He's sitting with me and his campaign spokeswoman, and there are three paunchy, middle-aged men at a table near us, sipping coffee. "You shouldn't return hostages as part of a negotiation. You should just return them. If someone came into this room, for the sake of argument — terrible analogy, I'm about to make — somebody came into this room and killed those three guys and me, wounded you, and kidnapped her, what right do they have to hold onto her? What right? This is not, 'Let's negotiate now.' Four dead bodies, you're wounded, and she's kidnapped, and God only knows what they did to the people they kidnapped. Now let's ceasefire and have a negotiation? That's ridiculous."
Latimer refuses to critique the Israeli military strategy in Gaza or declare he would, as a congressman, ask the U.S. government to condition military aid to Israel, as Biden has done in opposition to a potential Israel attack on Rafah. Unlike Bowman, he's supportive of the police crackdowns on pro-Palestinian college protests and gladly associates himself with Israel hawks Ritchie Torres, John Fetterman, and Hakeem Jeffries, the AIPAC ally and House Democratic leader who has tempered his own outward pugilism since ascending to the top of his party. Jeffries has endorsed Bowman, a courtesy to an incumbent, but he has not tried to restrain AIPAC.
One irony of the primary is that Bowman, in 2021, broke with the Democratic Socialists of America over his support for funding the Iron Dome, an Israeli missile-defense system, and visiting Israel with J Street, the liberal (and much smaller) counter to AIPAC. J Street, still proudly Zionist, rescinded their endorsement earlier this year after Bowman began, like many activists, to speak of the Gaza death toll in terms of genocide.
Bowman tells me he is for, like almost every American politician, a two-state solution: a nation for the Jews and a nation for the Palestinians. Many of the most prominent activist groups in the nation today, like Within Our Lifetime and Jewish Voice for Peace, call for a single, multinational democratic state that wouldn't necessarily guarantee a Jewish numerical majority — something that even most leftists in elected office shy away from.
I ask Bowman if Israel should always have a Jewish majority. Strikingly, unlike a vast majority of American politicians, he doesn't answer immediately in the affirmative. "It might have been the day after or definitely the weekend after we won against Congressman Engel — who's my guy, Peter Beinart, wrote a one-state piece that I thought was brilliant, I thought it was phenomenal," he says. "Some of this stuff is, like, I'm not Jewish, man, you know? So I don't want to be talking out of turn about Jewish issues. I'm also not Palestinian, right? It's the same kind of deal but because my values are rooted in human rights and I know my district well, I have to comment on these things. And I do."
"I want Palestinians to be free from occupation and apartheid and I want Jews to be safe — and Palestinians to be safe, of course. How do we do that?" he adds. "Jews should have a safe place to exist. What that looks like, the details of that, let's figure that out. That is not Jews are safe, Palestinians are under occupation — those two things can't co-exist anymore."
It would be an exaggeration to say that the future of the progressive movement hinges on the outcome of this one primary. With or without Bowman, the Squad will be larger than it was four years ago, and the activists in the streets won't be deterred if Latimer is sworn into Congress. Unconditional support for Israel is no longer a guarantee within the Democratic Party — look no further than Schumer applying the sort of pressure on the Netanyahu government that AIPAC loathes.
But a Bowman defeat would deprive the left of one of its most prominent voices at a moment when Establishment forces have regrouped from some of their losses over the last decade. The prospect of this not only makes AIPAC giddy but thrills moderate Democrats who are weary of the media attention and influence the Squad perpetually commands. The fear, for progressives, is that this primary could offer an obvious roadmap for the future: hunt out popular — or possibly venal — local politicians who are willing to target leftists and promise them a bounty of campaign cash and super-PAC spending if they take the plunge. Some more just might.
submitted by readingitnowagain to AfroAmericanPolitics [link] [comments]
The Most Endangered Democrat in America Jamaal Bowman might lose his job over Israel.
By Ross Barkan
Jamaal Bowman, the two-term congressman from Westchester County and the would-be future of the progressive left, is tired of the questions about George Latimer. "Yeah, I mean, I think it says something about his character, his integrity, and his actual leadership for the district. But enough of him. When are we going to talk about me?"
We're at Salsa Picante, a Mexican restaurant in Port Chester, the heavily Latino village on the eastern reaches of the 16th congressional district. It's late April, and Bowman, munching on chicken empanadas, is in a cheery mood, despite my prodding on Latimer. The night before, Summer Lee, a fellow progressive in Congress, had survived a furious primary challenge, and Bowman senses a pattern. "Salut!" he calls out. "I'm excited, hopefully, for the whole progressive movement to zero in on NY-16. Let's get to work."
The work is daunting. Bowman, less than two months from the June 25 primary, is one of the most endangered Democratic incumbents in America. This is in spite of — or because of — his charisma and budding celebrity, his ability to slash through the noise of 435 House members and command attention on a scale only one or two levels removed from Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. A former public-school principal and self-described hip-hop head, Bowman marries her online savvy with a deft working-class touch. Burly and boisterous, with a knack for whipping up crowds, it is not hard to imagine him as a future presidential candidate, storming through South Carolina with a pack of reporters hanging on his every word.
But first he needs to win. And Latimer, the sitting Westchester County executive, has outraised him in the primary, thanks in part to the American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC) — the conservative, ardently pro-Israel political powerhouse that is seeking to crush the pro-Palestinian movement and the left itself. "They do not want any critique, they do not want any accountability, and so what it looks like to people in my district and around the country is that Israel can do whatever it wants even though, to people on the outside looking in, it looks completely wrong and horrible," Bowman says of AIPAC. "One, it doesn't represent all the Jews. It doesn't represent all the Jews in Israel!"
"If Israel represents all the Jews," Bowman continues, revving up now, "and if Israel is doing bad things without accountability, some idiot in the street just makes the connection that, Oh, Jews must be bad because Israel is bad. That's fucking — excuse my language — that's effing scary, man, and dangerous. And as we fight antisemitism, that has to include accountability for Israel."
There was a time, not very long ago, when no member of Congress would speak this way. The Israeli government's response that has starved out Gaza and killed thousands of civilians has catalyzed a new era though. Mass protests have flooded the streets and rocked college campuses, including two, Columbia and City College, that are only a short drive from Westchester. Bowman has been an AIPAC target for his support of conditioning military aid to Israel and his willingness to label the military campaign in Gaza a "genocide," among other criticism lodged at the Jewish state. "AIPAC is one of the most powerful lobbies in America. Well you know what we have got to say to AIPAC? Bring it on," he said at his campaign kickoff earlier this year. "AIPAC, bring it on. We are not scared of none of that. I'm from the streets of New York."
In this deeply polarized moment, with Israel hawks reasserting themselves and the pro-Palestinian movement booming, few primaries in America offer a starker contrast between two candidates.
In one corner is Bowman, 48, the first Black congressman from Westchester who, just four years ago, unseated one of the staunchest Israel defenders in Congress, Eliot Engel. He immediately joined Ocaso-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, and Rashida Tlaib as one of the nation's leading progressives. Latimer, meanwhile, is a 70-year-old county executive, ex-state senator, ex-assemblyman, and ex-Rye councilman. (He also had a career, as he likes to remind voters, in marketing and sales.) After October 7, AIPAC asked Latimer to run against Bowman. "I was a reluctant bride," he told me in May, less than 24 hours after the NYPD had raided Columbia's campus to arrest the protesters who had occupied Hamilton Hall.
I met Latimer at the Mount Vernon Metro North station, where he dutifully passed out palm cards ("Good morning, I'm George Latimer, I'm on the ballot") to the few dreary commuters who ambled through. A couple lit up when they recognized him and one man, who was white, seemed to lament "identity politics" while promising his vote to Latimer. And it's easy to make this race, as much as it's become about Israel, about race: Latimer is the white ethnic, Irish and Italian, trying to depose a congressman who told me racism is the number-one issue facing the district and that he views himself, as the first Black man to hold this congressional seat, as a role model to Black youth throughout the area.
The district, which also ropes in a sliver of the northern Bronx including the sprawling and Bowman-friendly Co-op City, is both diverse and plenty segregated, with towns of immense wealth like Scarsdale lying within half-hour drives from working-class Yonkers. It's about 40 percent white, 29 percent Hispanic, and 21 percent Black. Bowman's trouble is that the white, well-heeled vote has soured on him, and Jews are expected to flock to Latimer. Jerry Skurnik, a Democratic consultant and data analyst, estimates that as much as 15 percent of the Democratic electorate who turn out in the primary might be Jewish. A conservative group, Westchester Unites, undertook an effort to register Jewish Republicans as Democrats to impact the primary, in an implicit effort to boost Latimer and undercut Bowman.
Both campaigns agree that Israel alone is not what motivates voters in Westchester and the Bronx, who are mostly consumed with the cost of living. Bowman, as a national figure, may be vulnerable to the very attacks that he once leveled against Engel: He's too high-flown to care adequately about quotidian Westchester concerns. "He has a different brand of politics which appeals more so to getting clicks and likes and retweets and making headlines versus someone who has delivered," said Tyrae Woodson-Samuels, the majority leader of the Westchester County Board of Legislators and a Latimer supporter.
Latimer is the rare insurgent who also profiles as an incumbent and can theoretically neutralize some of the attacks he's taking from the left. If, on Israel, Latimer has held to the rightward fringe of his own party — he refused, in his conversation with me, to support Chuck Schumer's call for Netanyahu to step aside — he is, on almost every other issue, a conventional, center-left Democrat. Until challenging Bowman, he regularly took the Working Families Party ballot line and earned plaudits from progressives for ousting Rob Astorino, his right-wing Republican predecessor as county executive.
"There are lots of people who really like both candidates," says Evan Roth Smith, a Democratic pollster. "For many voters, the most loyal Democratic voters who do turn out in these kinds of primaries, it's sort of like picking between mom and dad."
Latimer, in that sense, was the dream recruit for AIPAC and Democratic Majority for Israel, another influential PAC that is spending heavily in Democratic primaries to bludgeon progressives. His knowledge of the district is encyclopedic and he shows up at every town board meeting, chicken dinner, and parade imaginable; he tells me he's at train stations five days a week and bagel shops on weekends. He has the ability to cut into Bowman's Black support, with endorsements from the Democratic committees in Yonkers and Mount Vernon. Bowman has won the backing of the influential health-care workers' union 1199 SEIU, but Latimer has racked up his own support from civil-service, transit, and firefighters' unions. In his Facebook musings on classic rock and the Knicks, he comes off as earnest and homespun, a Mr. Fix-It paterfamilias.
The cash, though, is anything but homespun. Latimer, never a prolific fundraiser before, banked $3 million at the end of March, double Bowman's haul, and there are top donors who are either AIPAC-affiliated or cut checks to Donald Trump, including Alex Campos, Alex Dubitsky, and Stephen and Carolyn Lauro, who once hosted a Long Island fundraiser for Trump. Another donor is Daniel Loeb, the hedge-fund billionaire who accused Latimer's old ally, the Black State Senate majority leader Andrea Stewart-Cousins, of doing "more damage to people of color than anyone who has ever donned a hood" because she wasn't a supporter of charter schools, is another donor.
"You're the reason why these guys are donating to me — because of what you said and done," Latimer says of Bowman at the New Rochelle Diner after finishing at the Mount Vernon train stop. "I'm not even soliciting them. I have an event, they send checks. It's not going to change what I do in Congress, Ross, I'm going to be a very progressive congressman on most policy issues."
"It's deeply disturbing that the Latimer campaign is being financed by many of the same people trying to elect Trump," says Jasmine Gripper, the co-director of the Working Families Party's New York chapter. "He's accepting financing from people actively working against the Democratic Party."
The real threat for Bowman is the super-PAC spending. AIPAC and DMFI together can blow past $20 million, if they choose, in attack ads and mail. (AIPAC did not respond to a request for comment.) And he offers them enough fodder, like a House censure for pulling a false fire alarm when Democrats were trying to stall a vote, which Bowman told me was an accident and Latimer believes was intentional. Blog posts Bowman wrote more than a decade ago appeared to give credence to 9/11 conspiracy theories and last week his YouTube page following conspiracy accounts became news. More recently, he was forced to apologize after lavishing praise on Norman Finkelstein, the acerbic anti-Israel scholar, at a panel discussion.
"Bowman has been one of the most anti-Israel members of the entire United States Congress," charges Mark Mellman, the president of DMFI. "If he is defeated, it will send a strong message to the rest of the country." Justice Democrats, the group that helped launch politicians like Bowman into orbit and is fighting desperately now to save him, would not disagree with that last part. "It's absolutely a threat to the progressive movement and I think we have to be clear-eyed about what's at stake here," Usamah Andrabi, the group's communications director, tells me. "The same people spending millions to try to elect Donald Trump and prevent Hakeem Jeffries from being speaker of the House are also spending millions to try to send George Latimer to Congress."
Latimer, who once falsely accused Bowman of taking money "from Hamas," argues the AIPAC cash has only arrived because he was already, long before the primary, genuinely pro-Israel. He also believes Bowman invited their wrath. "If Mike Tyson was in the room and I decided to go over to Mike Tyson and say, 'Hey Mike Tyson, bring it on, yo,' what do I think Mike Tyson might do to me? Whatever I used to be, I wouldn't be the same person after he finished with me."
Latimer has a fondness for analogies. He's sitting with me and his campaign spokeswoman, and there are three paunchy, middle-aged men at a table near us, sipping coffee. "You shouldn't return hostages as part of a negotiation. You should just return them. If someone came into this room, for the sake of argument — terrible analogy, I'm about to make — somebody came into this room and killed those three guys and me, wounded you, and kidnapped her, what right do they have to hold onto her? What right? This is not, 'Let's negotiate now.' Four dead bodies, you're wounded, and she's kidnapped, and God only knows what they did to the people they kidnapped. Now let's ceasefire and have a negotiation? That's ridiculous."
Latimer refuses to critique the Israeli military strategy in Gaza or declare he would, as a congressman, ask the U.S. government to condition military aid to Israel, as Biden has done in opposition to a potential Israel attack on Rafah. Unlike Bowman, he's supportive of the police crackdowns on pro-Palestinian college protests and gladly associates himself with Israel hawks Ritchie Torres, John Fetterman, and Hakeem Jeffries, the AIPAC ally and House Democratic leader who has tempered his own outward pugilism since ascending to the top of his party. Jeffries has endorsed Bowman, a courtesy to an incumbent, but he has not tried to restrain AIPAC.
One irony of the primary is that Bowman, in 2021, broke with the Democratic Socialists of America over his support for funding the Iron Dome, an Israeli missile-defense system, and visiting Israel with J Street, the liberal (and much smaller) counter to AIPAC. J Street, still proudly Zionist, rescinded their endorsement earlier this year after Bowman began, like many activists, to speak of the Gaza death toll in terms of genocide.
Bowman tells me he is for, like almost every American politician, a two-state solution: a nation for the Jews and a nation for the Palestinians. Many of the most prominent activist groups in the nation today, like Within Our Lifetime and Jewish Voice for Peace, call for a single, multinational democratic state that wouldn't necessarily guarantee a Jewish numerical majority — something that even most leftists in elected office shy away from.
I ask Bowman if Israel should always have a Jewish majority. Strikingly, unlike a vast majority of American politicians, he doesn't answer immediately in the affirmative. "It might have been the day after or definitely the weekend after we won against Congressman Engel — who's my guy, Peter Beinart, wrote a one-state piece that I thought was brilliant, I thought it was phenomenal," he says. "Some of this stuff is, like, I'm not Jewish, man, you know? So I don't want to be talking out of turn about Jewish issues. I'm also not Palestinian, right? It's the same kind of deal but because my values are rooted in human rights and I know my district well, I have to comment on these things. And I do."
"I want Palestinians to be free from occupation and apartheid and I want Jews to be safe — and Palestinians to be safe, of course. How do we do that?" he adds. "Jews should have a safe place to exist. What that looks like, the details of that, let's figure that out. That is not Jews are safe, Palestinians are under occupation — those two things can't co-exist anymore."
It would be an exaggeration to say that the future of the progressive movement hinges on the outcome of this one primary. With or without Bowman, the Squad will be larger than it was four years ago, and the activists in the streets won't be deterred if Latimer is sworn into Congress. Unconditional support for Israel is no longer a guarantee within the Democratic Party — look no further than Schumer applying the sort of pressure on the Netanyahu government that AIPAC loathes.
But a Bowman defeat would deprive the left of one of its most prominent voices at a moment when Establishment forces have regrouped from some of their losses over the last decade. The prospect of this not only makes AIPAC giddy but thrills moderate Democrats who are weary of the media attention and influence the Squad perpetually commands. The fear, for progressives, is that this primary could offer an obvious roadmap for the future: hunt out popular — or possibly venal — local politicians who are willing to target leftists and promise them a bounty of campaign cash and super-PAC spending if they take the plunge. Some more just might.
2024.05.13 14:50 AdhesivenessSea6353 What am I missing here?
Looking for opinions on what could be possibly going on here.
I have cyclothymia being managed with meds and therapy (mild version of bipolar) with a history of childhood trauma (Dad with late diagnosed and untreated bipolar + paranoid schizophrenia with alcoholism, and verbal, emotional and physical abuse, as well as a Mom with battered woman syndrome who was highly unpredictable in terms of mood, love felt conditional, and transference of abuse to me). My partner has ADHD being managed with meds and therapy also with a history of childhood trauma (father abandoned them, mother was toxic, likely a narcissist also had drug and alcohol abuse issues and mentally + verbally abusive). Obviously there's a lot going on there.
I've been with him for 2.5 years now. For the first 2 years, we had our challenges, but things were overall good and we were finding ways to work through challenges that came from our mental health conditions. Then, I went to visit family for 3 weeks and left him with our 1 year old dog and a house and came back to a different person.
He's claiming that his whole life video games have been a numbing agent. Our dog is an attention hog and he had to stop playing video games, so memories and emotions came rushing in. As a result he is:
Have any of you faced anything like this before? What do you think is actually going on?
submitted by AdhesivenessSea6353 to mentalhealth [link] [comments]
I have cyclothymia being managed with meds and therapy (mild version of bipolar) with a history of childhood trauma (Dad with late diagnosed and untreated bipolar + paranoid schizophrenia with alcoholism, and verbal, emotional and physical abuse, as well as a Mom with battered woman syndrome who was highly unpredictable in terms of mood, love felt conditional, and transference of abuse to me). My partner has ADHD being managed with meds and therapy also with a history of childhood trauma (father abandoned them, mother was toxic, likely a narcissist also had drug and alcohol abuse issues and mentally + verbally abusive). Obviously there's a lot going on there.
I've been with him for 2.5 years now. For the first 2 years, we had our challenges, but things were overall good and we were finding ways to work through challenges that came from our mental health conditions. Then, I went to visit family for 3 weeks and left him with our 1 year old dog and a house and came back to a different person.
He's claiming that his whole life video games have been a numbing agent. Our dog is an attention hog and he had to stop playing video games, so memories and emotions came rushing in. As a result he is:
- Talking a lot about abuse he has faced at the hands of his family, but mostly sharing those on Reddit, seemingly looking for a lot of external validation.
- Talking a lot about his exes and abandonment and other issues with them.
- He suddenly has a hair trigger temper and is snapping and losing his cool - never saw that in him before.
- He's suddenly questioning our compatibility and hypercritical of the things that make us different - culture, mental health, personality, etc.
- He's bringing up a lot of past stuff of our own relationship and questioning my intentions or expressing resentment even though he agreed to things at the time.
- He's expressing resentment about me being controlling. His examples: I told him to drink less chemicals (Diet Coke / iced tea), I was picky and controlling about how to decorate the house and he didn't get much of a say. Granted, I do have control issues but I am not as controlling as he makes me sound.
Have any of you faced anything like this before? What do you think is actually going on?
2024.05.13 10:54 VaderBane88 Veterans with PTSD
So I'm a veteran recently diagnosed with PTSD. My ex-wife is a veteran diagnosed with PTSD/MST. Her trauma occurred before we met. It was horrible and she never shared it with me. I was hooked from the moment she transferred to my platoon. We quickly began an affair for the ages. Hot, steamy, carnal like you wouldn't believe. Wasn't uncommon for us to have sex 5-6 times a day on work days. After maybe close to a year she asked me to marry her. I was still a kid myself as she was 5.5 yrs older with a little boy. But I said yes. Soon she was pregnant, and that was when things began to change. As hot as she was she was far more experienced than i was, quick tempered, and very skillfully manipulated her environment. I started picking up on suttle things but once we were engaged and she was pregnant it was like a light switch and alm kinds of crazy started to emerge. Her sexual appetite was almost exhausting too. I was 19 and was burning the candles at both ends trying to keep up. But, she pushed the envelope professionally, didn't necessarily get along with other women although she was desperate to. She was beautiful and sexy and I felt she intimidated a lot of girls. Guys flocked to her and this was another complication. But then she got in trouble. I found out she was moved to our unit due to disciplinary issues and she found herself in trouble again. While pregnant she was charged with assault. I didn't think she really dis anything wrong as I was the sole witness but they prosecuted her anyway and kicked her out. But prior to that she became intoxicated and attempted suicide. Loosely but still counted. She was admitted to a psych facility for 72hrs very pregnant. During our courtship she would drink, and smoke pot occasionally. I didn't approve but she had a fuck it attitude. She never failed a test though, but it became concerning to me. In order to keep government quarters we had to be married so it rushed our marriage. She blamed me for her being kicked out too. While she was in the hospital I learned of her sexual assault by her team leader. She later told me she had been assaulted by multiple men. Instead of charging anyone they transferred her to my unit. We were MPs. Imagine what she must have gone through. No justice, called a trouble maker and shipped off to another unit where she would be sexually harassed by ANOTHER team leader. I was there and I knew this man's proclivity.we reported him together only to be threatened by the LT. While defending her to my leadership, hers, the battalion leadership and even brigade I became a target to my command as they disnt like being dragged into her shit. Looking back it was a losses cause but I felt she was being railroaded and I believed in truth and justice and morals and integrity. I THOUGHT these senior NCOs and Officers did too. After her discharge she snapped. She abused alcohol, drugs, verbally and physically abused me, our children, was always volatile, suspicious, driving drunk, accusing me of cheating, etc. After six months without a job we became financially destitute. I couldn't even out gas in the car. She didnt leave the house hardly, always angry, and our marriage was imploding. She disnt even give our daughter my last name! We fought in the hospital over it! It was terrible. I was stressed. She started making my life hell and interfering with my career. I came home to my quarter to find her smoking pot...on base! I was on duty as a military investigator! I could smell it outside! It's like she was trying to destroy me too. One day I came home and she informed me she was working at a strip club! She began drinking a mnd doing drugs. Sometimes she didnt come home. One day we got into an argument and she wouldnt let me leave. I left to smoke a cigarette and called the MPs. When they arrived and she opened the door she had given herself a black eye. I was arrested. I was stripped of my rank, remanded to the barracks, removed from investigations, etc. I filed for divorce. I was ordered to stay away from my home and remanded to the barracks. She started having parties, men in my house, keeping my daughter from me, started stripping, was continually drinking and getting high, not cleaning the house or cutting the lawn. I got chewed out by my 1SG and housing SGM for 4 ft high grass! Ordered to clean it up. When I went there with a witness the house was destroyed. Ani.al poop everywhere, moldy dishes everywhere, dirty laundry everywhere. A cat tied in my babies crib! It was so bad I asked the SGM to evict her which he did. She took both cars leaving me with no transportation. When I took one back she sent someone on base to take it back while she was out of state. It was a constant nightmare. She was getting me in trouble left and right. Eventually I practically had a nervous breakdown. My career was ruined, I had leaders threatening me every day to separate me, I lost all my rank, was on permanent CQ duty, not even allowed to urinate without permission. You read that right. I was going through all this and recovering from major knee surgery. After 5 weeks my CPT cancelled my rehab. My mom came out for a month to help me because no one in my unit would help. Mo one would talk to me for fear of the 1SG and CPT. They whispered their support a d apologies to me when they could. I eventually lost it when the 1SG demanded I have my room inspection ready while on crutches in a knee immobilizer. He threatened me again and I called him on it. 6 months later I was separated. I was not in combat but the PTSD my ex suffered I suffered but I didn't know at the time what she was going through. I just thought she was nuts. I guess in a way she was. Today she is service connected 100%. Tosay I am diagnosed with PTSD from what I went through and what she put me through. Can a soldier develop PTSD from dealing with the PTSD of their military spouse? I think I did and the VA says I did. But I'm not service connected. I. Pursuing a claim at the moment among other injuries sustained in service and secondary conditions as well. Have any of my fellow veterans developed PTSD from a fellow military spouse's PTSD amongst your own experiences and if so what were those experiences? What did you contend with from your spouse and how did you handle it? How did it contribute to your PTSD then and today? Are you service connected due to secondary PTSD from your military spouse? Thanks for reading my long winded experience.
submitted by VaderBane88 to VeteransBenefits [link] [comments]
2024.05.13 08:52 Kaasurai-tm Colorado Trip Questions
We’re driving from the Texas Hill Country to Colorado, and have a few questions for you guys up there. We were planning on leaving around my birthday (June 15th), and staying through late June to maybe even early July. We’re mainly curious about the weather (temperature, conditions, etc). We’ve conducted extensive research already, and know that it’s all pretty unpredictable up in the mountains. Will spring colors and flowers be expected around the time we leave (Especially at higher elevations)? Will snowpack be (for the most part) melted by treeline and below? We’ve heard the mountainside rivers are flooded during late spring due to snowmelt, and we’re planning on hitting a few natural riverside hot springs and are worried they might be flooded while we’re there. Anyway, to sum it all up, we’re just wondering when all the deciduous trees regrow their leaves, if wildflowers will be revived and how the snow lingers on mountains. Any other tips or places we should visit are appreciated. Thank you!
submitted by Kaasurai-tm to roadtrip [link] [comments]
2024.05.13 06:39 Beautiful-Session-48 Unhappily ever after?
I wish that I was enough for him to want to do better, to be the person he said he could be. I wish he could have followed through on all the things he was going to do but never could manage to complete. I wish my heart wasn't in a million pieces trying to figure out if it is me that's too much or if it's him that can't give more. I wish I could be stronger in my resolve, confident in my reasons and comforted that things will get better instead of weeping in my bed feeling more alone than ever.
I wanted a partner, a lover, a best friend, a father for our children. I wanted someone whom I could lean on, who wanted to build something together and I hoped and prayed that it would happen at some point during our relationship. I tried to temper my emotions, I know I have my issues and to remember we are equals yet I always felt like I was the parent, the one taking on the responsibilities of providing emotional security and support to the kids, cleaning of the house, upkeep of the yard, buying of the things. He usually defers to me which in ways I admit feel good but also feel enormously heavy and burdensome. I want to be taken care of, I want to feel that our life, our kids, our home could be handled and I could sit back and enjoy it sometimes too.
Here we are 14 years later, I am full of resentment and grieving what never will be. I told him two weeks ago I wanted divorce which was 5 months after I had a breakdown telling him how unhappy I was and had been for years. The lack of taking initiative, of following through on the mundane things like putting up shelves as well as incredibly important things like the adoption of my oldest. The continued promises of trying to do better, to help out more, to give him another chance, he can do it., I can't leave him. The two weeks to a month when there is an improvement then inevitably back to same old same old...for over a decade. I didn't understand, couldn't understand why he couldn't show up in the ways I needed him to, asked him repeatedly to, and barring some medical condition have come to conclusion that he can't or won't.
We have also been sleeping separately for over 12 years. He snores and when he drinks which is more often than I would have liked it to have been, he smells. That ruins the intimacy factor seeing your husband cross eyed wasted and reeking of a day old frat party. There has been zero physical contact and I mean no hugs, no hand holding, no making out for the past 8 years. We're essentially roommates who have two kids living with us and most times I feel like a mom of three and it sucks. Yes he works, and he does help out with the kids, he is there when needed. I don't think I have seen him hug either of the kids or tell them he loves them or engages in non essential spontaneous activities on any regular basis while I am the one providing the kisses, the hugs, the I love you's, the train rider, the concert goer, the bike rider, the ocean wave jumper, the hammock sitter playing guessing games, the clothes shopper, etc... It's a heavy lift, a really fucking heavy lift to be the one doing that for over a decade. He never really tried to connect with my oldest even though he's been the only dad they've ever known and out of all of this, this is the most devastating to me. He treats them different not entirely on purpose but it still hurts to see.
So why does it all hurt so fucking much? Why am I losing sleep and he seems fine? Why is he ok and emotionless while I am one tear away from drowning? Why do I feel like if I go through with this, that I am walking away from something that was as good as it was ever going to get for me and I will be alone and lonely and heartbroken forever. I finally got the courage to talk to him today since he hasn't said a word about it and asked him how he felt, how he wanted to proceed as we're occupying the same physical space; he said he'd stay out of my way and communicate as little or as much as I wanted to and not to worry that if I was being nice to him he wouldn't take that to mean that things were going to work out.
If you got this far, thank you, I needed to get it out to make room in my head. If you have words or pearls of wisdom I will take anything at this point blunt the pain.
submitted by Beautiful-Session-48 to Divorce [link] [comments]
I wanted a partner, a lover, a best friend, a father for our children. I wanted someone whom I could lean on, who wanted to build something together and I hoped and prayed that it would happen at some point during our relationship. I tried to temper my emotions, I know I have my issues and to remember we are equals yet I always felt like I was the parent, the one taking on the responsibilities of providing emotional security and support to the kids, cleaning of the house, upkeep of the yard, buying of the things. He usually defers to me which in ways I admit feel good but also feel enormously heavy and burdensome. I want to be taken care of, I want to feel that our life, our kids, our home could be handled and I could sit back and enjoy it sometimes too.
Here we are 14 years later, I am full of resentment and grieving what never will be. I told him two weeks ago I wanted divorce which was 5 months after I had a breakdown telling him how unhappy I was and had been for years. The lack of taking initiative, of following through on the mundane things like putting up shelves as well as incredibly important things like the adoption of my oldest. The continued promises of trying to do better, to help out more, to give him another chance, he can do it., I can't leave him. The two weeks to a month when there is an improvement then inevitably back to same old same old...for over a decade. I didn't understand, couldn't understand why he couldn't show up in the ways I needed him to, asked him repeatedly to, and barring some medical condition have come to conclusion that he can't or won't.
We have also been sleeping separately for over 12 years. He snores and when he drinks which is more often than I would have liked it to have been, he smells. That ruins the intimacy factor seeing your husband cross eyed wasted and reeking of a day old frat party. There has been zero physical contact and I mean no hugs, no hand holding, no making out for the past 8 years. We're essentially roommates who have two kids living with us and most times I feel like a mom of three and it sucks. Yes he works, and he does help out with the kids, he is there when needed. I don't think I have seen him hug either of the kids or tell them he loves them or engages in non essential spontaneous activities on any regular basis while I am the one providing the kisses, the hugs, the I love you's, the train rider, the concert goer, the bike rider, the ocean wave jumper, the hammock sitter playing guessing games, the clothes shopper, etc... It's a heavy lift, a really fucking heavy lift to be the one doing that for over a decade. He never really tried to connect with my oldest even though he's been the only dad they've ever known and out of all of this, this is the most devastating to me. He treats them different not entirely on purpose but it still hurts to see.
So why does it all hurt so fucking much? Why am I losing sleep and he seems fine? Why is he ok and emotionless while I am one tear away from drowning? Why do I feel like if I go through with this, that I am walking away from something that was as good as it was ever going to get for me and I will be alone and lonely and heartbroken forever. I finally got the courage to talk to him today since he hasn't said a word about it and asked him how he felt, how he wanted to proceed as we're occupying the same physical space; he said he'd stay out of my way and communicate as little or as much as I wanted to and not to worry that if I was being nice to him he wouldn't take that to mean that things were going to work out.
If you got this far, thank you, I needed to get it out to make room in my head. If you have words or pearls of wisdom I will take anything at this point blunt the pain.
2024.05.13 06:01 AutoModerator [Weekly Megathread] FREQUENT Feedback / Requests / Suggestions
UPDATE: reordered the list a bit for better overview. Fixed issues will now appear at the bottom of a specific list for better readability.
========================================
We are a Fan subreddit, and not run by Blizzard, but the devs and CM's are frequently reading feedback from all sources, including reddit.
Many people come here to give feedback, which is welcome, but since some of the feedback is given very frequently, we compile this frequently given/posted feedback / requests / suggestions from players on specific issues in this weekly updated and reoccurring thread here to not bloat up the subreddit and people feed with it.
We will redirect most new threads about issues / feedback that are about below listed topics, to this weekly thread, to keep the subreddit better readable, while also keeping these issues highlighted as things the community is concerned about.
The list of these issues / topics is posted below and will be adjusted (when necessary) every week.
========================================
Things that have been fixed or otherwise solves or addressed will be crossed outlike this.
This also proved a good overview of which issues have already been adderesed / fixed / etc.
--- List of Feedback / Requests / Complaints that are frequently posted on the subreddit ---
UI
Stash
Items
Legendary Aspects
Artisans and Crafting
Balance (Combat)
Mount
Leveling / Campaign / Dungeons / Endgame / Uberbosses
Season Specific
Technical & Bugs
Other Quality of Life
Other
Recent additions to the list
Tell us in the comments and discuss with other about which topics you think should be on this list to be highlighted, and why!
That helps us to update the list for next week.
submitted by AutoModerator to diablo4 [link] [comments]
========================================
We are a Fan subreddit, and not run by Blizzard, but the devs and CM's are frequently reading feedback from all sources, including reddit.
Many people come here to give feedback, which is welcome, but since some of the feedback is given very frequently, we compile this frequently given/posted feedback / requests / suggestions from players on specific issues in this weekly updated and reoccurring thread here to not bloat up the subreddit and people feed with it.
We will redirect most new threads about issues / feedback that are about below listed topics, to this weekly thread, to keep the subreddit better readable, while also keeping these issues highlighted as things the community is concerned about.
The list of these issues / topics is posted below and will be adjusted (when necessary) every week.
========================================
Things that have been fixed or otherwise solves or addressed will be crossed out
This also proved a good overview of which issues have already been adderesed / fixed / etc.
--- List of Feedback / Requests / Complaints that are frequently posted on the subreddit ---
UI
- fix Typos in Item Tooltips and Text Boxes
- more than 100% completion in the Codex (or similar things) being displayed
- Requirements not met on Paragon Nodes
- Pathfinding Issues on the Map
- an Overlay Map (similar to Diablo 2)
- improved Chat / more QoL Features for Chat [solution suggested by a redditor]
- option to hide UI
- additional infos displayed on Clan Members and Friends
- an UI Indicator for when Resource XYZ is above ## (based on certain effects, e.g. from Passives or Aspects)
- INDIRECTLY ADRESSED (Season 4 Patch): additional Visual Indicators for Uniques and Legendaries aside from the Color (e.g. a Star on the Item Image for Uniques) - Lategame Items with Greater Affixes now have Roman Numerals behind them as a Visual Indicator
- INDIRECTLY ADRESSED (Season 4 Patch): Lootfilter and/or Salvage Filter - Rare Items now only drop with up to 2 Affixes, while Legendaries drop with 3 Affixes + Items with Greater Affixes on them have Roman Numerals behind them)
Add search to titles / Aspects / etc(added in Season 4 Patch to the New Codex System)a regular, consistent Order in which the Affixes on Item Tooltips are appearing / being displayedoption to mark Items for 'Keep' instead of marking them as 'Junk'separate Gem Tab(instead of gems, Gem Shard will drop now, which are a Crafitng Material from which you can craft gems. These Gem Shards will be stored in the Crafting Materials Tab) [alternative solution suggested by a redditor]fix the issue of flickering item tooltips when comparing items
Stash
- A few Private Stash Tabs for each Character (in addition to the Shared Stash Tabs)
Move all Aspects into the Codex to free up space in the Inventory and the Stash(Season 4 Patch)Search Function in the StashAdditional 'Sort Functions' in the Stash and Inventory,e.g.: HighestLowest Item Level, WhiteMagicRareLegendary... within the same Weapon/Armor Piece, etcSort Function should group same Aspects together
Items
- additional Affixes for the 'Razorplate' Unique Chest Armor (people often think its bugged)
- an improved Icon for Affixes that were re-rolled / enchanted, so that it better stands out
- partially / indirectly addressed: Gems are not worth picking up anymore at a certain point EDIT:
partially/indirectly addressed- has been somewhat addressed but not fixed by Gem Fragments now being picked up automatically) Gems not being interesting enough(Season 4 Patch with the Large Itemization Overhaul made the Bonuses on Gems less conditional, replaced a few Bonuses with others, and added Main Stat)Ancient Rare Items should not roll with only 3 Affixes(addressed in Season 4 Patch with the Itemization Overhaul, Rare Items)certain Affixes should not spawn as Normal Affixes on Items, but instead only on Passive Skills, Magic & Rare Paragon Nodes, or as a 5'th or 6'th Bonus Affixes on Uniques (addressed in Season 4 Patch with the Itemization Overhaul)too many different forms of '#% Damage Increased Affixes' on Items /// less of these Affixes overall /// move many of these Affixes to Paragon / Passives / Uniques /// only up to # of these should roll on a single item[Large Discussion about this on the subreddit] (addressed in Season 4 Patch with the Itemization Overhaul)Below-Sacred Items should no longer in WT3 once a certain Character Level has been reached + Below-Sacred Items should not drop in WT4 at allThe amount of Sacred Items in WT4, should reduce the higher your Character Level gets.(increased) Minimum Item Power on higher Character Levelshigher drop chance for Uber Uniques(one of the reasons people give is that these items are often not just powerful, but also build defining, and hence should be obtainable in a season + "real Grail Items" should be "less mandatory")
Legendary Aspects
- relocating some Legendary Aspects to the Skill Tree (as Passive Skills or Skill-specific Upgrades) and/or the Paragon Board (as Magic, Rare and/or Legendary Passives)
Legendary Codex Aspects should be able to be upgraded over time (b/c it feels bad to hold on to good ones long periods of time)(Season 4 Patch)other Legendary Powers (that currently are not obtainable via Dungeons) should appear in the Codex once salvaged.(Season 4 Patch)some/many of the mid- and late game Legendary Aspects should appear in the Codex, once the Item / Aspects has been salvaged / found / extracted(Season 4 Patch)Resource Aspects (like the Aspect of Concentration, etc.) should occur more frequently(addressed in Season 4 Patch, since they are now stored forever in the Codex)certain Aspects should occur more frequently in general(addressed in Season 4 Patch, since they are now stored forever in the Codex)Sort Function in Stash should group same Aspects together
Artisans and Crafting
- Duplicate Affixes should not appear when Enchanting /// or +1 additional Roll when Enchanting.
- Increased Movement Speed in town (to more quickly maneuver between artisans)
-
- Salvaging "Glacial Fissure" Sigil should show a warning and could refund some materials
- "Salvage Filter", aka an option at the Blacksmith to salvage items that do not met individually assigned conditions (like 'Salvage all Items below Item Power ###' - where ### stands for a number the players can select themselves, and other conditions)
- some people want to keep the Gatehall from Season 3 (Season of the Construct) as a new (optional) HUB (a community discussion on that can be found here )
Artisans, Vendors, Stash, Wardrobe, Townportal, Waypoint,Purveyors of Curiosities,etc should be closer together in towns (suggestion / illustration by a redditor) (Purveyors of Curiosities have been moved closer to other vendors and more Stashes have been added in each town) (plus, in the Season 4 Patch, all Artisans are now closer to the Waypoint / Town Portal)...Hair Color / Style should be able to be changed in the WardrobeEnchanting Costs too high / Cap Enchanting Cost / slower ramp-up of re-crafting costs(Season 4 Patch improved this)list Elixiers in their own group (e.g. compile Weak Iron Bark, Strong Iron Bark, Heavy Iron Bark Elixir, etc into their own Drop Down Menu)a 'Sell All Button' / 'Sell All below-Sacred Items' / 'Sell All non-Ancestral Items Button'(with the upcoming changes this issue will no longer be relevant)option to mark Items for 'Keep' instead of marking them as 'Junk'option to 'Salvage all below-Sacred Items' + an option to 'Salvage all non-Ancestral Items'(with the upcoming changes this issue will no longer be relevant)
Balance (Combat)
- Skeletal Ballistas targeting Players from Off-Screen / dealing too much damage
- "fix" One-Shot-Mechanics
- Increased Base Movement Speed (at higher Character Levels / at Level 100 / +#% all ## Level)
- 2 Evade Charges from Level 1 (or at higher levels / or 2 from the start and +1 all ## Level)
rework the Suppressor Elite Affix(is reworked: now no longer is active permanently on an Elites and also drops when the Elite is Hard CC'ed)Limit / reduce CC in higher dungeon difficulties(lets see how this will turn out)
Mount
- additional Charges for the Mount (at higher Character Levels, as rewards, etc)
- let us use Mount Charges in Town (to more quickly maneuver between artisans, etc)
reduced Mount / Dismount CooldownsFaster Mount / longer SpurImprove Mount Maneuverability / Smoothness / getting stuck on minor obstaclesMount should break through Barricades
Leveling / Campaign / Dungeons / Endgame / Uberbosses
- Event Tracker List / UI
- let us fight Campaign Bosses again outside of the Campaign (maybe as additional Uberbosses or Worldbosses)
- fix the bug of Enemies spawning behind closed doors / gates, which prevents to open the gate in the first place
- immediately port us into a Nightmare Dungeon directly after a Nightmare Sigil has been activated
- make Nightmare Dungeon Icons easier to see / easier to re-find on the map
- endgame tree of whispers quests
- increased Drop Rates for Summoning Materials (to summon Uber Duriel, etc) - (some even suggest that Uber Duriel should not require any materials to summon, b/c you still have to fight him to have a small chance to get a Uber Unique)
- Uber Lilith boss fight should be improved, the attacks should be better visible and visually line up.
- some people suggest that Uber Duriel should be harder, while at the same time also drop more rewarding items or drop Uber Uniques more frequently.
- some people suggest that Items dropped by Uber Duriel should always have maxed Affixes
increased Mob Density during Helltides(Season 4 Patch)partially / indirectly addressedsome people request Cinders to 1) be account wide, 2) have no Cinder Penalty on death, and 3) persist to next Helltide... EDIT: has been partially/indirectly addressed by increasing the frequency of Helltides, but some people reported that this is not enoughsome players suggest / request to no longer hide Helltide Chest Icon on the Map, because it just redirects player traffic to 3'rd party websites(additional update in Patch 1.3.0: icons for Helltide Chest of Mysteries and Living Steel Chest have been updated to make them more visually distinctive from the other chest icons)increased frequency of Helltidesmore XP / Rewards for Side Quests / Whispers / Overworld Events / Helltides / PvPBetter Notifications (in Chat and or "Popup Notifications") for Worldbosses, Legion Events, etc.let us teleport directly into a Nightmare Dungeon"something to do" in the Endgame aside from Uber-Lilith(e.g. additional Uberbosses, Uber Events, Uber Challenges, etc)(lets see how this will work once implemented)Uber Lilith should have a (noticeable) increased Chance to drop Uber Uniques(Uber Bosses will now have higher chances for Uber Uniques)
Season Specific
- Minor Bug: Season 2 Materials are still dropping in Season 3
- Season 3 (partially addressed, but overall noticeably improved) -
requests for improving the Season Mechanics, Traps, Rewards, the Companion, etc- has been quickly addressed via numerous adjustments (Season 2 issue) fix the issue where Potent Blood is dropping within a fountain, making it impossible picking it up
Technical & Bugs
- general request: reduce Lag / Stutter
- keep an instance of a Nightmare Dungeon open for ~5 minutes after disconnect
- bug of characters getting stuck / floating in various ways under certain conditions
the camera should be zoomed out more by default (or as an option)(Season 4 Patch)fix the GPU Memory Leak Issueimprovements and Bug Fixes to Living Steel Chests (many users request less Cinders to open them and/or them dropping more Living Steel)
Other Quality of Life
- Respawn Point in Dungeon closer to the place of death
- the 'Scroll of Amnesia' should be able to be bought from a vendor for a reasonable price. Some additional suggestions: Scroll of Amnesia should be regularly granted when reaching certain levels. One Scroll for Paragon-only, one for Skill Points-only.
- Let us set the Townportal to a City of our choice.
- A way to save (a limited amount of) "Build Loadouts" (similar to D3's Wardrobe, but not as a replacement for D4's Wardrobe, but rather as an addition / extension)
- some ways to get at least smaller amounts of Platinum outside of purchasing something
- some people ask to keep the Gatehall from Season 3 (Season of the Construct) as a new (optional) HUB (a community discussion on that can be found here )
the camera should be zoomed out more by default (or as an option)(Season 4)Nightmare Sigils: put the level of enemies from a Nightmare Dungeon on the Nightmare Sigil(in Patch 1.3.x)improvements for Gold Trading on Console(in Patch 1.3.0)WASD Movement(in Patch 1.3.0)Option to Refund All Paragon / a single board as a wholeallow to disable Combat Text
Other
- some form of ingame Looking for Group Feature [suggestion by a redditor]
- additional gender-specific Transmogs (especially for Male Sorcerer)
- additional Hairstlyes
- Event Tracker List / UI
Training Dummy- Training Dummy is there now, but some people also desire a DPS Meter on the DummyRenown Rework (for Seasons) / let 100% of Renown carry over to Season
Recent additions to the list
- updated for Season 4 Patch, which included the Large Itemization Overhaul (Codex Update, all Aspects in the Codex, Tempering, Masterworking, Increased Camera Zoom, Helltide Updates, new Artisan Placements, adjusted Gem Bonuses, etc)
Tell us in the comments and discuss with other about which topics you think should be on this list to be highlighted, and why!
That helps us to update the list for next week.