How to make elephant in facebook chat

Good morning my fellow reader,
I have recently decided it is time to move forward in life and change things like getting rid of bad habits and continuing good ones, and this means giving Reddit another chance in making potentially a new friend or friend group. Below is a little list and sample of what I am like so please message me if you feel like I’d make a good friend. Just to warn I have been told I give golden retriever vibes and I have ADHD lol.
First thing is I’m a huge nerd for anything sci-fi or fantasy. I love to escape reality so I enjoy games like halo, mass effect, dragon age, dark souls, destiny, crusader kings 3, Stellaris, elden ring, assassins creed (mostly the original series), fall out, Skyrim and some others I cannot think off.
While escaping reality I also love watching movies but more so space related as the never do fantasy justice. My top movies in no order are; how to train your dragon, kung fu panda, gladiator, interstellar, dredd, guardians of the galaxy. There are more but I cannot think of them right now lol
So if I’m not gaming or watching movies I’m either star gazing or in the gym. I go to the gym 5 times a week and i am training to be as strong as my body will allow me. I won’t say my best lifts here but if interested send me a message and ask as I do enjoy talking about the gym life.
Hope you enjoyed reading this and hope we can be friends. If you’re struggling to open a conversation with me just send a little intro and I’d love to chat.

I want to develop a character who has DID derived from PTSD, which in turn arose from a four-day period of suffering different atrocities. The character has no explicit memories of this four-day period, but their subconscious locks it away to avoid the pain of trauma and develops disorders as a defense mechanism. In addition to the mentioned disorders, the character has developed a refusal to eat food due to an apparently irrational line of thought and sensation that if they eat, they would be hypocritical for something, and therefore, more guilty. The character has 5 personalities. So far, I've only been able to conceptualize 3: the assistant, the machine, and the monster.
The monster is the murderous and harmful personality. It's what the character most instinctively tries to avoid manifesting, even if they don't know exactly why. It's the embodiment of their potential evil, and its appearances are always accompanied by tension and suspense. Even if not actually manifested (or is it?), the mere fact of appearing in nightmares and hallucinations already triggers panic attacks in the character. This is the most mysterious personality because the character has doubts about the nature of this personality that doesn't offer many explanations beyond the simple fact that it knows everything about him and is playing and affecting him; Is it a personality or a distinct demon? Is it a delusion or is it real? Is it himself or a separate being pretending to be him to scare him? Is it capable of killing the personalities, and if so, why doesn't it do it immediately instead of leaving the personalities unharmed? Why psychologically torture him if the function of fragmented personalities is to help in self-preservation? If it's real, why does it let him escape at the end of its ''games''? This personality (or not) is physically the largest, the most technological, the most inhuman, and presents more feats of strength despite appearing less, all geared towards psychological torture mainly, a literal kind of haunting like Pennywise's. It wreaks psychological havoc on the character in each of its personalities, and the most sensitive one, which is the one the other personalities most try to avoid being impacted by the monster, is the assistant personality, the personality that personifies human essence and, being based on the Superego and Ego and reflecting the distant past spent with his deceased good mother whose values were transmitted in his childhood and adolescence, is the personality that tries to maintain order, predominate, and reunite the fragmented personalities, although this self-imposed role is not easy and it is difficult to deal with the fear of what could happen if people found out that he and the other four 'people' are actually the same person who has DID; it is difficult to represent order while his other parts are more inclined to chaos and there is no direct interaction between the personalities. The assistant personality has blindness, whose degree varies depending nuancemente on the external and internal security situation it feels, but is always present because it results from an unresolved trauma. Glasses are used, the only one who does this. Blindness is more present in the assistant personality and less manifested in the other personalities because they are more detached from humanity. The assistant personality is the most divergent from what the character was before DID. Its form is more human, shorter, and less cybernetic, precisely because it reflects a distant period from the current one of the character. (A side note: the character is, in a way, a shapeshifter, so its personalities have a distinct form, some more similar to each other and others less similar, and vice versa. The metamorphosis is restricted to the forms the character has already had in its life and afterlife, and those forms it did not have are a more adapted version of the personality concept). The assistant is the most sensitive personality and the one that most tries to be virtuous, and because of these characteristics, it is the most vulnerable to the monster.
The machine personality is the psychological barrier. A wall for any emotions. An internal shield for trauma. It looks like a robot, like a machine, both for sentimental and behavioral issues. It does not feel emotions, is extremely rational, and is very connected to technology. Indeed, it is the most technological personality in the purest sense of the word, while the monster personality is the most technological in the most monstrous sense. Its function is to offer a more impartial view of situations and, because of the monster, to be the most solid shield for the assistant personality not to be haunted directly (and possibly killed) by the monster.
There are 2 more personalities to develop, and I'm working on it since it's a new idea I had.
The character is Vox.
The conceptual ideas for this fanfic that I intend to create, combined with my hobby of self-studying psychology/psychoanalysis/psychiatry, made me realize that I attribute four disorders to Vox:
• DID: According to the DSM-5 criteria, to be considered DID it is necessary: ▪︎Two or more distinct identities or personality states are present, each with its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and self. ▪︎Amnesia must occur, defined as gaps in the recall of everyday events, important personal information, and/or traumatic events. ▪︎The person must be distressed by the disorder or have trouble functioning in one or more major life areas because of the disorder. ▪︎The disturbance is not part of normal cultural or religious practices. ▪︎The symptoms cannot be due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (such as blackouts or chaotic behavior during alcohol intoxication) or a general medical condition (such as complex partial seizures).
• PTSD: Symptoms of PTSD fall into the following four categories. Specific symptoms can vary in severity.
Intrusion: Intrusive thoughts such as repeated, involuntary memories; distressing dreams; or flashbacks of the traumatic event. Flashbacks may be so vivid that people feel they are reliving the traumatic experience or seeing it before their eyes. Avoidance: Avoiding reminders of the traumatic event may include avoiding people, places, activities, objects and situations that may trigger distressing memories. People may try to avoid remembering or thinking about the traumatic event. They may resist talking about what happened or how they feel about it. Alterations in cognition and mood: Inability to remember important aspects of the traumatic event, negative thoughts and feelings leading to ongoing and distorted beliefs about oneself or others (e.g., “I am bad,” “No one can be trusted”); distorted thoughts about the cause or consequences of the event leading to wrongly blaming self or other; ongoing fear, horror, anger, guilt or shame; much less interest in activities previously enjoyed; feeling detached or estranged from others; or being unable to experience positive emotions (a void of happiness or satisfaction). Alterations in arousal and reactivity: Arousal and reactive symptoms may include being irritable and having angry outbursts; behaving recklessly or in a self-destructive way; being overly watchful of one's surroundings in a suspecting way; being easily startled; or having problems concentrating or sleeping. Many people who are exposed to a traumatic event experience symptoms similar to those described above in the days following the event. For a person to be diagnosed with PTSD, however, symptoms must last for more than a month and must cause significant distress or problems in the individual's daily functioning. Many individuals develop symptoms within three months of the trauma, but symptoms may appear later and often persist for months and sometimes years. PTSD often occurs with other related conditions, such as depression, substance use, memory problems and other physical and mental health problems.
The four tabs below provide brief descriptions of four conditions related to PTSD: acute stress disorder, adjustment disorder, disinhibited social engagement disorder, and reactive attachment disorder. Source: https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/ptsd/what-is-ptsd • Psychotic Depression: Psychotic depression Some people who have severe depression may also experience hallucinations and delusional thinking, the symptoms of psychosis.
Depression with psychosis is known as psychotic depression.
Symptoms of depression Someone with depression feels sad and hopeless for most of the day, practically every day, and has no interest in anything. Getting through the day feels almost impossible.
Other typical symptoms of depression may include:
fatigue (exhaustion) disturbed sleep changes in appetite feeling worthless and guilty being unable to concentrate or being indecisive thoughts of death or suicide Doctors describe depression as mild, moderate or severe depending on your symptoms, how long it lasts and how much it affects your daily life.
Read more about the psychological, physical and social symptoms of clinical depression
Symptoms of psychosis Having moments of psychosis (when people lose some contact with reality) means experiencing:
delusions – thoughts or beliefs that are unlikely to be true hallucinations – hearing and, in some cases, feeling, smelling, seeing or tasting things that are not there; hearing voices is a common hallucination The delusions and hallucinations almost always reflect the person's deeply depressed mood – for example, they may become convinced they're to blame for something, or that they've committed a crime.
"Psychomotor agitation" is also common. This means not being able to relax or sit still, and constantly fidgeting.
At the other extreme, a person with psychotic depression may have "psychomotor retardation", where both their thoughts and physical movements slow down.
People with psychotic depression have an increased risk of thinking about suicide. Source for more information: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/psychotic-depression/
• An as-yet unidentified eating disorder: This is the only one in which I do not know which exact diagnosis it fits into. It is a consequence of the trauma from the four-day period - including this period being one of the biggest mysteries in history and a great source of theories for readers, as it is the root of Vox's psychological mess, the divergence point that originated the entire fanfic and which the protagonist DOES NOT want to remember - that resulted in the trauma of eating. He does not feel like eating, not even the SIN OF GLUTTONY is able to make him eat - he is immune to her powers - and feels an apparently inexplicable instinct of guilt and hypocrisy when trying to eat, as if he were the worst being in the universe if he ate a food and a huge hypocrite; why and what exactly this innate thought of judging himself as a hypocrite is another mystery in the plot.
In this story, at least in the initial arcs, no one associates all five as being the same person, at most they associate only one/two of them with Vox. With the climaxes (yes, it's in the plural) throughout the story, the characters will find evidence and suspect and associate more and more of the other alters (as I call Vox's fragmented personalities) with the same person, which increases the narrative tension. Being the assistant personality the last to be accurately associated by the other characters, although she was the one that had the most tension and care in NOT being associated throughout the story because she is the human essence of Vox, reflects more the fragility of his soul state and is not ready to deal with the harsh social consequences that the actions of the other alters and Vox before DID caused, needing solid support and not wanting to lose all the friendly social relationships, although fragile, that he built as a separate being from Vox and the other alters. It is easier to hate than to love. The assistant personality does not want to risk losing the little support he has built. These relationships are extremely valuable to him. He doesn't want to have this taken away from him anymore. The relationships he built are based on the inhabitants of Hazbin Hotel.
All alters have Vox's trademark: the TV as
a head. All... except the assistant personality. This alter is the ONLY one that has a human head and is the smallest, being even a few centimeters smaller than Lucifer. The size of his hair goes up to just above his shoulders, but he ties them in a professional hairstyle. His clothes are similar to those of an assistant, and they have a palette of blue, black, and white colors. The color of his hair, influenced by his powers as a Media Demon, is black with dark blue streaks and tips.
His human appearance reflects a period when Vox was human. In my story Vox is a trans man, which means he was born female and went through a transition at some point in his adolescence or adulthood. The appearance of the assistant personality reflects an episode during his 13/14 years. In this episode, he did a special show for his father's assistant at a fancy restaurant. It was her last night in his life as she would unfortunately be sent away without a chance to return, and he was aware of this. He also knew that his father was responsible for her being sent away, although his innocence at the time made him not immediately detect that she would be KILLED by a hired hitman hired by the father and mother. The assistant was a loved one by the teenage Vox. She was a loving mother he never had, and because of the emotional attachment to her, he decided to do a musical show, showing for the first and last time to anyone his talent for piano and violin. He, at the time still not going through the transition, dressed more masculinely, used the best appearance he could, and used a pseudonym to enter the restaurant and make the presentation without being detected by the family. He did not explicitly specify for whom the music was intended, but the assistant, secretly his true biological mother, knew it was for her. That was the last time he would see her, and he made every second of that night count.
Vox's human female name was Elizabeth. I chose this name because it is a beautiful name, it was the name of the former queen of the United Kingdom, and it was the name of one of Jack the Ripper's victims, Elizabeth Stride.
Vox, during his adult life as a man and even post-death, buried his past as a woman. It was not a source of pride, especially for the family abuses suffered and the transphobia of the time. If the Vees, the people closest to him currently, do not have a deep understanding of Vox's human life as a man, imagine their knowledge of the initial part of his life before the transition!
That's why being called "Elizabeth" during the direct and indirect appearances of the monster personality already causes genuine and unmasked panic in him. It is an indication of knowledge of his deepest layers.
The story has a suspenseful atmosphere, with some horror scenes. We follow the alters individually, and as the story progresses, we realize along with the protagonist some strange, wrong things. The alters do not communicate directly with each other and, therefore, the character does not immediately perceive the signs of having multiple personalities. It was as if there were four people in one body and none of them noticed, according to the perspective of the assistant personality, the alter that we slowly follow discovering the huge web of the situation he's in. There's something very wrong with Vox, more specifically his soul. But there's an invisible barrier that prevents the character from investigating further, like an elephant in the middle of the room. Each alter has its own course, all acting as if they were distinct people and not associating with each other. This is bad socially speaking in the long run, because sooner or later the clash of beliefs and values built among the alters will come into conflict and the individual consequences of their actions will negatively impact each other. The monster personality served to add more salt to the wound. It is by far the most harmful, appearing little but causing a huge mess in return. Don't think of it as a kind of Hulk, because Hulk is a destructive monster that his counterpart, Bruce, can try to control and turn into a hero, and everyone is aware of Hulk's nature, which is easy to understand and try to contain; whereas the monster personality is an enigma at the same time as it is a nightmare, there is no discussion with it, it causes psychological terror in Vox's alters, its apparently internal actions affect the external world of the alters, it is unpredictable, it is the literal meaning of hell. The monster personality has already caused physical harm to the alters, although they did not exactly remember, mainly the assistant personality, the most oblivious of all for a reason. I want to relate the monster personality to Roo.

I started a new job a year and a half ago and there were 4 other people who started at the same time as me but only one of them was doing the same job as me. Let's call her Rebecca.
The job we to involves completing quite a few exams over a few years so Rebecca and I would chat about exam tips and revision as we were sitting the same exams. We work from home most of the time so I have only actually met her 5 or 6 times in person.
We get on well and I would class her as a friend. We message at work about work and exam things and then talk about weekend plans, holiday plans etc. just basic small talk really. We have each other on facebook but no other social media and have messaged through facebook a few times about work and exams.
I have never tried to hide any of this from my girlfriend and when she asks about me day I'll mention multiple colleagues. My girlfriend mentioned that she thinks I talk to Rebecca too much and since my girlfriend and I both work from home, she'll sarcastically ask if it is Rebecca messaging me when my laptop makes a noise.
I pointed out at my girlfriend previous job she was friends with her male colleagues and I didn't say anything about it. We even went on a double date with one of them.
She said she thinks I should talk to her less and I asked why and she just said we're talking too much. I told her I don't tell her to stop talking to people she works with so she shouldn't be doing it to me. She said I should have no problem with it and should be fine doing it.
I just repeated that I'm not going to be told who I can and can't talk to. She accused me of not thinking of what she's asking and just said that she isn't exactly asking me for much. How would you handle this?
tl;dr my girlfriend told me I need to cut down how much I talk to one of my co-workers. I disagreed and pointed out my girlfriend was closer to her co-workers in her previous job and I didn't have an issue with it but she just stated that I should cut down how much I talk to the colleague. How would you handle this?

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I started a new job a year and a half ago and there were 4 other people who started at the same time as me but only one of them was doing the same job as me. Let's call her Rebecca. The job we to involves completing quite a few exams over a few years so Rebecca and I would chat about exam tips and revision as we were sitting the same exams. We work from home most of the time so I have only actually met her 5 or 6 times in person.
We get on well and I would class her as a friend. We message at work about work and exam things and then talk about weekend plans, holiday plans etc. just basic small talk really. We have each other on facebook but no other social media and have messaged through facebook a few times about work and exams.
I have never tried to hide any of this from my girlfriend and when she asks about me day I'll mention multiple colleagues. My girlfriend mentioned that she thinks I talk to Rebecca too much and since my girlfriend and I both work from home, she'll sarcastically ask if it is Rebecca messaging me when my laptop makes a noise.
I pointed out at my girlfriend previous job she was friends with her male colleagues and I didn't say anything about it. We even went on a double date with one of them.
She said she thinks I should talk to her less and I asked why and she just said we're talking too much. I told her I don't tell her to stop talking to people she works with so she shouldn't be doing it to me. She said I should have no problem with it and should be fine doing it.
I just repeated that I'm not going to be told who I can and can't talk to. She accused me of not thinking of what she's asking and just said that she isn't exactly asking me for much.
AITA for refusing to cut down how much I talk to a colleague?

I'm doing my LLM currently, and I'm the only national student on my course (No exaggeration). I live in a small town in Wales, and I am quite literally the only national student of 78.
My issue is, like my fellow students, English isn'ty first language, though I can speak it fairly fluently. Everyone on my course speaks English well, but it's broken and can be difficult to understand.
In my lectures yesterday, 4 people were showing very well articulated work, and it got me thinking how? I've heard them talk, and as much as I don't doubt they understand what they'd be saying in their native language (as would I in Welsh), their English all of a sudden is insanely good. Then I noticed pretty much everyone infront of me using Chat GPT to write their work for them. I'm sat here working really hard to improve my language and academic skills, and even though I'm passing, my grades aren't the best. But there's people in my cohort just getting AI to do their work, and getting amazing grades and I just feel cheated a little.
Any advice on what I could do? I don't want to use AI to do my work: I need to learn. But when comparing myself to literally everyone else around me, it makes me feel so low

Hi so before I get into this I wanna say do not privately message me on this matter. I'm 14F and my relationship with food has been broken slowly since 4th grade. In 4th grade I didn't think I was pretty, I never smiled in photos and I just felt worthless. Compared to other girls in my class they were all pretty, wore dresses and smiled. They were popular, I felt like I needed to pick up on that but when I looked down at my stomach I started to think I was fat.
To "resolve" this issue I started eating a lot one day then barely eat the next and this continued up for about two weeks before I stopped because I simply couldn't do it anymore. In 5th grade COVID happened and so I relied on the Internet for a lot of things, I've also gotten a boyfriend around the same time and we were fine but the relationship was one sided.
He ended up cheating on me with someone else in our friend group and I was "fine" with them dating but on the inside I wasn't. I'd see them act lovely dovey in our group chat and so eventually I distanced myself. Something happened and I eventually left because on the daily the older people in that friend group continued to ask me NSFW things like draw feet of the character I had and also drew NSFW of my character without my consent or knowledge.
I was really uncomfortable with this and they were all racist, I didn't realize this at all until I left and when I did they started harassing me. They harassed me all summer and on my birthday I just cried and stress ate while on the phone with my best friend at the time. They continued to harass me until I finally gave in so they'd leave me alone.
The friend group broke again and I actually did not care this time however, online school eventually started. (We are not together anymore) I get into a lot of heated arguments and whenever it did genuinely affect me I would stress eat as a way to cope. I was failing all of my classes and no matter what I did I never got my grades up. Online class was terrible and a lot of the time I would join the call but play Roblox or sleep, or I simply would not show up with an excuse. I was held back in the call a lot of times discussing my teacher about specific concerns.
I eventually went back to in person school but it simply just wasnt any better, my old hag of a teacher would tell the entire class i was failing and would make a remark about it trying to be funny. I always never went to school or found a way to skip into going, I would just do the work at home. My grades never improved no matter how much work I did so I just gave up. I graduated but barely. Note, all of my elementary teachers completely quit after COVID.
Anyways, 6th grade started and since I stress ate whenever I was stressed that's all I did. Eat, eat, eat, my mom started to pick up on this and instead of helping me make better choices she would say things to put me down like telling people I waddle, I looked like a pig, called me fatty, etc. I eventually became insecure and cried about it a lot. I continued eating disregarding what she said however, deep down it just hurt. I started going to the doctor and I was 160 at 11.
I wasnt really concerned about it but I was insecure about my stomach. No else said anything about it so I never worried until 7th, I got bigger and eventually became 200. 7th grade was a really hard time for me, I didn't have any friends until nearly October and there was people bullying me for my acne scars calling it chicken pox. I also felt like a complete outcast and thought there wasn't a point in coming to school. I had also made some bad friends who controlled my life, I was always stressed out with them too so a way to cope with it again I ate.
I'm in 8th grade and I'm the worst I've ever been, those bad friends that I made I eventually left and taken care of my myself. I broke the habit of stress eating but nowadays I just eat whenever I'm bored. I've taken care of my acne, trying to refix my hair, I'm overall trying to glow up but I don't know what to do with my body. I've started eating less, I was never taught self control so I'm trying to get into that habit now. I'm drinking more water but I want to get help.
My mom has gotten used to me being fat and hasn't made any nasty remarks about it since I was 11/12. When I complain about my feet cramping she just says it's because I'm fat which I don't really disagree with. I've already gotten advice on how to lose weight and fix my relationship with food but I fear I might already have an eating disorder. Overeating.
Not to mention I believe I also have ADHD, I have a lot of symptoms like not being able to pay attention to things for a long period time or making eye contact well, I struggle with receiving information about things, I procrastinate a lot, I struggle to control my emotions sometimes, I space out A LOT and it actually is a problem when it comes to school. I get sidetracked a lot of the times, there's a lot I can go on about but just know my mom will not get tested and I do not want any medicine for it if I actually have it.
I sometimes can't tell when I'm full so I'll continue to eat a lot of food in big bulks, I skip breakfast a lot and just go straight to lunch, by dinner time I've eaten a bunch of snacks but I'll finish my plate. What should I do and how should I go about seeking professional help?

How do you expose or verify with other people any potential scams, harmful or malicious behaviors here in the Philippines?
This topic has become a concern for me many times in the past few years - from toxic bosses to unprofessional and boarderline malicious sellers in Facebook.
Many of the people I've encoutered are sly foxes who can talk their way out of a situation, and use the system against you.
Thing is, I cannot report nor post any evidence of their behavior because all of those are in chats or calls, which are considered private and/or simply unretrievable.
"Just move on," is what I hear from many, but it hurts just seeing those people doing the same behavior as before running scuff-free.
Yes, ideally, things like this should be raised to HR or relevant authorities, but unless we're talking about thousands or millions in damages, it's not worth it. Doing this will squeeze you dry. Peperahan ka pa ng ilang "authorities" dito. I've seen this happen first-hand.
I'd like to hear your advice or stories about handling scenarios that only happened within chats/calls. Anything would be very appreciated.
Also, I'm probably using some of the terms here quite horribly. Sorry for that. I'm quite a noob in these types of things.

Hi! I've been wanting to vent out about this before but I just didn't know how to start and where to start. I've been carrying this burden in my heart for quite awhile now. This is regarding our Pastor. To start, I just want to say that he is a good person. Knowing him from the time we moved here in the province four years ago. he is indeed a good man. I remember the time he was dreaming to have a big online platform. I was there when he was just starting four years ago. I was the one who managed and organized his facebook page and his youtube account. I was the one who edit his videos and photos early on. He gave me money few times in exchange of my service but most times, I was doing it for free. Honestly, I didn't mind doing it for free because I love doing something for the ministry.. for God.. for Jesus Christ. I was a very active young people in the church back in the days when we were still living in the city. It has indeed become my lifestyle even after we moved here in the province. You know, I've noticed something about him. The things that he wanted me to edit, it's like the branding was focused most about him. God's word second. Like for instance, he wanted every thumbnails his face is in it. For the photos with bible verses, he always wanted to have his photos included. I was able to keep it to myself for such a long time, eventually I grew tired helping him. I've lost my motivation to edit because in my heart, something wasn't right.
Fast forward, I stopped doing it. But I was entrusted to do another assignment at church, I was assigned to do the projector during service. I'm not complaining about my task. I always love doing things for God. Going back to our pastor's platform. He is getting close to having 100k followers on his FB page now, but a lot of people are bashing him because according to them, he doesn't practice what he preaches. He is very worldly for a pastor. His videos speak volumes. Also, he is becoming toxic in dealing with people in the comment section. He would lashed out at every people who were trying to rebuke him in a loving way. It's like to him, they're always against him and he is always right and as if there's nothing wrong in what he does. For me, it's sad and heartbreaking. It's like he values his fame now more than God. It's like he would be okay to do bad publicity to become more famous. Bad publicity is still a publicity. His page will still has engagement from it regardless. More engagements means more revenue.
Actually, he believes in a hypergrace teaching and that's what he teaches in the church. One day, I've made a decision that I would temporarily stop going to that church because I want to grow more in faith and in God's grace even if it entails that I have to be alone in the wildnerness. I wasn't growing there. There was no discipleship.. the praise and worship was taken for granted.. there was no bible study.. there was no spiritual accountable partners. Basically, just going to church every Sunday and come out from the service just like nothing happened. I don't want that. I told him that I would stop going to church temporarily and come back soon but all the more I don't want to go there anymore. I want a leader who can rightly lead me, not blindly lead me. Just right now, he is viral because last Sunday after the service, they recorded a video of them dancing to a secular song inside the church. A lot of Christians were disappointed and upset. But as for him, he is boasting about in his facebook account. It's heartbreaking to see how fame and the greed for fame can change a person. Actually, after he got monetized and received his pay, he kicked me out of his page already without telling me that he would do it. But when he was first starting it, he told me he would make me an admin. I understand that it was his page but it's sad on my part that when was just starting, he told me that he would involve me but when he's becoming famous, he just kicked me out without notice. if you were in my shoe, do you think it's reasonable for me to stop going to that church? Probably some of you would suggest for me to find another church, but after what happened, for now, I just want to stay home and listen to preachings online.

I feel headachey and tired today but my mood feels better than yesterday so that’s good!
We were in the middle of a conversation last night, he had me utterly soaked and losing my mind and then it went silent and I couldn’t hear him and when I tell you the timing could not have been worse I am not kidding. Except it turns out he could still hear me, which I felt embarrassed about later because I was basically being a little whimpering mess because I assumed he couldn’t hear anything either like he normally can’t. So anyway now he must know he’s baby because I was saying things like baby come back and where are you like an absolute idiot. I think my brain cells lessen even more so when I’m in that frame of mind. Wait and so that means he’d already cum and was over the whole thing and I didn’t know and I kept going, and he kept like… encouraging it with the dirty stuff he was saying. That’s kind of embarrassing that he was just sat there twiddling his thumbs and there I was sounding so stupid. He’s so sweet.
I’ve decided the middle-ish bit of the miss murder song sounds like Jeff Buckley for a little bit, not the voice but the music bit. Only briefly. Anyway my poppunky phase has still returned, I feel 14 again listening to the used and stuff, what a time. I’ve only saved the main big ones to this new playlist though, I know I’m forgetting a bunch of not top 40 kinda ones but whatever these are scratch my lil itch. I’m also just having a lil nostalgic phase with that playlist - it’s wild how much my music taste has changed… but also stayed the same? I loved the klaxons back then, I’m listening to them again and I still like them, and I’m remembering lyrics when I forgot said song even existed. Maybe that’s why I remember nothing from school, because my head is filled with useless lyrics. Good one, brain. Or Simian Mobile Disco? Entirely forgot they existed. I never forgot about the yeah yeah yeahs though, I have succcchhhhhhhh a vivid memory of listening to them while walking around some suburb in Brisbane while we were visiting my aunty and uncle, I think I was 14 or 15, and I was wearing a white tshirt because I remember it started pouring down and it went see through and I felt super embarrassed. But it was night time, or like after dinner time, and I was just going on a stroll cause idk I was a teenager and probably wanted some space to be my angsty self. I remember my uncle had a movie room, not really but he called it that, and it had bean bags and stuff and he had all the HP movies, or at least whatever was out by then. And now I’m day dreaming about how I was a couple cities away from my honey, except what’s the bet he would take one look at 14/15 year old me when he was like 18/19 and be like ew get away from me you little creep. Anyway. Le Tigre were big for me. Xray spex too, the intro to oh bondage up yours still to this day haunts my mind. I listened to that germ free adolescent album a lot at one stage. I’ve just listened to a bunch of it now and I still like it a lot. I have to say the more my mood has dropped and my anxiety increased over the years the more subdued music I listen to, I wonder if it’s connected? Because I used to listen to a lot of… busy music, let’s say. Whereas now it stresses me out sometimes, and I wonder if it’s because there’s too much at once and that doesn’t mesh well with an already hectic head. Omg and MGMT, I had a biggggggg phase of them. I genuinely wanted to marry the curly haired one, I thought everything about him was so dreamy. I want to say his name is Andrew from memory, lucky me getting an even better Andrew! It’s weird to think of Andy as an Andrew, I mean ultimately he’s honeybunny or baby but he’s also Andy. And his friends don’t even call him that? I’m obviously not writing what that name is here. I think it’s so so cute that his friends kid calls him that too, or tries to. Anyway he’s just baby. I think I say the same stuff in these journals all the time.
I feel a lot of relief knowing I have no more things on til July. I’m proud of myself though, it was technically homework for therapy - to do things that make me happy. Outside of the house, around people I mean. And so she asked what I would do if I was “normal” and one of them was go to things like the ballet and plays, things I miss out on because I’m too scared. So we agreed I would go to a couple and I did!! Homework: achieved. She was really proud of me when I said the events I had coming up, I know that sounds so pathetic and stupid but I’m definitely someone that needs to hear that praise and stuff. I can get by without it, but it’s encouraging to hear it, y’know? Idk.
Work is annoying me.
I don’t get why the idea of his friend doesn’t make him jealous. I don’t want it to make him jealous, I don’t want any form of negativity around it, but why doesn’t it? Am I built that differently to him? If he even floated the idea of that to me vice versa I don’t think I would ever recover. I mean that’s dramatic and I would but I would be paranoid about it for a looooooong time. But so why doesn’t he care? It feels like I care more about it than he does, it feels like I’m more concerned about it than he is? I don’t get it. I absolutely don’t want him to be super jealous or anything like that, I know I find the whole territorial thing crazzzzy hot in fiction but in reality I would find it stifling and frustrating. But him having zero ounce of jealousy just idk, it makes me feel like he doesn’t care? If he was to feel jealous, doesn’t that mean he’d want me all to himself? So if he isn’t jealous, then he doesn’t? I know I’m overthinking this so I’ll stop. And also in the past he’s said in reality he doesn’t know if he would actually want me with anyone else, but the idea and fantasy of it all is hot, which I agree with. I mean never say never because idk I guess I kind of do want to experience him and someone else at the same time, like I wouldn’t care in the slightest if it never happened but it is something I think I do properly want. But everything else? Even if we got to the point of finding someone and it eventuating and all of that… I can’t envision me actually going through with it. Even if Andy wanted it. Except maybe I would, but not out of want but out of feeling like I should because I don’t want to let anyone down. I know that isn’t a good reason to say yes but idk. Anyway. None of this matters. I don’t think the fact he doesn’t get jealous as such means he doesn’t care. If he didn’t care then he would end things.
Not to be rude and horrid and hateful but some people have the most god awful voices. There’s a podcast of three women who talk about books and stuff and anyway they’re all American and two of them are fine, if a little grating at times, but one of them has the most disgusting voices I’ve ever heard. It’s HORRIBLE. And she keeps shouting over the others and screeching and it’s just such a gross voice. I feel so mean :(
I worked kinda late, just til 7 or so. And then I had dinner, had chats with M, had a shower, made my bed and showered annnnnd now it’s time with my baby! The sky was very pretty tonight, it was like a glowing rose gold. It kind of made me think of a copper pot on a fire. I feel like suchhhh a lil grub, I only changed my sheets today and it’s Wednesday. That means a week and half of the same sheets! Which I guess isn’t actually so bad compared to others but still. And I also shower right before bed, so in theory I know they’re fine but I like to have fresh sheets every Sunday, it’s just how I am. I can’t wait to make our bed, I wonder if he’d think it was silly to sometimes leave lil lovey notes under his pillow? Just now and then, like a lil post it size note saying something cute. Hm. I do things like that though, and I know it can be seen as super lame and things so idk. I’ll just have to learn what’s okay and what’s not. Hmmm. Anyway.
Night night

Hi! I've been wanting to vent out about this before but I just didn't know how to start and where to start. I've been carrying this burden in my heart for quite awhile now. This is regarding our Pastor. To start, I just want to say that he is a good person. Knowing him from the time we moved here in the province four years ago. he is indeed a good man. I remember the time he was dreaming to have a big online platform. I was there when he was just starting four years ago. I was the one who managed and organized his facebook page and his youtube account. I was the one who edit his videos and photos early on. He gave me money few times in exchange of my service but most times, I was doing it for free. Honestly, I didn't mind doing it for free because I love doing something for the ministry.. for God.. for Jesus Christ. I was a very active young people in the church back in the days when we were still living in the city. It has indeed become my lifestyle even after we moved here in the province. You know, I've noticed something about him. The things that he wanted me to edit, it's like the branding was focused most about him. God's word second. Like for instance, he wanted every thumbnails his face is in it. For the photos with bible verses, he always wanted to have his photos included. I was able to keep it to myself for such a long time, eventually I grew tired helping him. I've lost my motivation to edit because in my heart, something wasn't right.
Fast forward, I stoped doing it. But I was entrusted to do another assignment at church, I was assigned to do the projector during service. I'm not complaining about my task. I always love doing things for God. Going back to our pastor's platform. He is getting close to having 100k followers on his FB page now, but a lot of people are bashing him because according to them, he doesn't practice what he preaches. He is very worldly for a pastor. His videos speak volumes. Also, he is becoming toxic in dealing with people in the comment section. He would lashed out at every people who were trying to rebuke him in a loving way. It's like to him, they're always against him and he is always right and as if there's nothing wrong in what he does. For me, it's sad and heartbreaking. It's like he values his fame now more than God. It's like he would be okay to do bad publicity to become more famous. Bad publicity is still a publicity. His page will still has engagement from it regardless. More engagements means more revenue.
Actually, he believes in a hypergrace teaching and that's what he teaches in the church. One day, I've made a decision that I would temporarily stop going to that church because I want to grow more in faith and in God's grace even if it entails that I have to be alone in the wildnerness. I wasn't growing there. There was no discipleship.. the praise and worship was taken for granted.. there was no bible study.. there was no spiritual accountable partners. Basically, just going to church every Sunday and come out from the service just like nothing happened. I don't want that. I told him that I would stop going to church temporarily and come back soon but all the more I don't want to go there anymore. I want a leader who can rightly lead me, not blindly lead me. Just right now, he is viral because last Sunday after the service, they recorded a video of them dancing to a secular song inside the church. A lot of Christians were disappointed and upset. But as for him, he is boasting about in his facebook account. It's heartbreaking to see how fame and the greed for fame can change a person. Actually, after he got monetized and received his pay, he kicked me out of his page already without telling me that he would do it. But when he was first starting it, he told me he would make me an admin. I understand that it was his page but it's sad on my part that when was just starting, he told me that he would involve me but when he's becoming famous, he just kicked me out without notice. if you were in my shoe, do you think it's reasonable for me to stop going to that church? Probably some of you would suggest for me to find another church, but after what happened, for now, I just want to stay home and listen to preachings online.

My biggest thing about having children is global warming. Brining children into this world is like bringing them into a burning building because maybe they'll grow up to be firefighters. It's fucking stupid.
Anyways, I spent the last 2 years in a masters program studying the environment, and one of my friends from the program is trying for a baby. One time, we were drinking, and I was going off about it and ranting about the above, and she said that she felt that having children was the only way to instill her values in others and make the future better.
You can imagine how I felt about that, but didn't push it.
So fast forward a year to present day, it's hot af, and I'm in chat talking about how hot it is and the fears that it brings about re: global warming. She talks about how when she's done with [current large project], shes going to be learning to can and preserve food, and reduce plastic waste. It was the same as if she told me she was bringing a child into the burning building and will be teaching them to stop, drop and roll.
It's like, you know better! You spent two years learning better! Why would you do this??
Her sibling also has 2 children; first was born with a unique disability that is being managed, but is otherwise nonverbal/has symptoms similar to autism. They're thinking of having another child, because even though they only ever planned on having 2 children, they want a child that can better communicate with the second child.
I'm here like.
So you have two children, which is what you set out for, but what, you're looking for a do over because one of the children doesn't meet your needs?
Fucking A.

Just seeping into depression again and I haven’t done so in the last 4 months but it’s coming back. I’m lying in bed right now just really not looking forward to starting work, it makes me so anxious and nauseous (my manager and team are hostile and rude, only been here a month). The new flat I’ve moved into has problems with utilities, repairs and it’s too small for the things we managed to fit into our old flat that it’s making my ocd really bad to deal with. My husband doesn’t really know what to do to help me right now, he just told me to first hand in my notice and quit my job then I can figure out the rest.
But the other side of me is thinking “it took me a year to find a job after a job loss and if I quit, I’ll definitely run out of my savings over the next few months…. Then I’ll be back to how depressed I was last year when I struggled finding a job…. But then also I am already depressed so what gives?”
I honestly just need someone who can relate or can help me even with just chatting to me about nonsense.

Good morning my fellow reader,
I have recently decided it is time to move forward in life and change things like getting rid of bad habits and continuing good ones, and this means giving Reddit another chance in making potentially a new friend or friend group. Below is a little list and sample of what I am like so please message me if you feel like I’d make a good friend. Just to warn I have been told I give golden retriever vibes and I have ADHD lol.
First thing is I’m a huge nerd for anything sci-fi or fantasy. I love to escape reality so I enjoy games like halo, mass effect, dragon age, dark souls, destiny, crusader kings 3, Stellaris, elden ring, assassins creed (mostly the original series), fall out, Skyrim and some others I cannot think off.
While escaping reality I also love watching movies but more so space related as the never do fantasy justice. My top movies in no order are; how to train your dragon, kung fu panda, gladiator, interstellar, dredd, guardians of the galaxy. There are more but I cannot think of them right now lol
So if I’m not gaming or watching movies I’m either star gazing or in the gym. I go to the gym 5 times a week and i am training to be as strong as my body will allow me. I won’t say my best lifts here but if interested send me a message and ask as I do enjoy talking about the gym life.
Hope you enjoyed reading this and hope we can be friends. If you’re struggling to open a conversation with me just send a little intro and I’d love to chat.

INTRO: First and foremost, I don't know if anyone cares, but I just reached Plat 2. For someone with a full-time job, I think I did pretty well, although my KDR is quite bad.
HOW IT STARTED: I think the game got a ton of hype in the beta for a good reason. It was explosive, sparkly, good-looking, and the CS:GO x Valorant x Apex hybrid that we were looking for. As a veteran Apex player, I can say that Apex feels so bloated these days, with so many new layers added each season in a desperate attempt to keep the game relevant, that I no longer recognize the game I fell in love with some years ago.
Ending the side story, The Finals did very well in the alpha/beta because everyone was a noob, and we were just messing around. When it got released, the classic "playing meta characters/weapons" settled in, and some powers/weapons/even classes became irrelevant, at the very least for the solo queue experience.
WHAT I LIKE: The graphics and movement system are unmatched for me. Even Apex falls short when it comes to movement and the numerous ways you can approach a situation due to the destruction physics. I think the only time Apex gets the lead is in map sizes, but we are talking about barren lands vs high-dense housing buildings.
The overall Mirror Edge aesthetics and battlefield destruction physics, combined with Apex sweatiness, is a winning combo for me. The game oozes with personality, even in the marketing materials. As a graphic designer, I recognize something that others may not. For example, on most marketing materials including the website, you can see printing artifacts and errors, which in a web environment should not make sense, but the game wants to give you the feeling of "this is a real billboard/poster that is going to be placed in the real world because this is a real event," which I think is really great.
This might be the most fast-paced game I've ever played, and I love it. It really gives you that adrenaline kick, and you don't have to walk 50 km to find an enemy team like in Apex.
Great performance, for the way it looks and moves, the team behind it did a pretty good job preserving the looks that we saw on YouTube (some downgrades happened, obviously) for the time when the game got released.
WHAT I DON'T LIKE: The game fails, and let's not sugarcoat it, we are in freefall as of now because it fails to attract new players. We all know that; even the streamers are not touching it. I think, at the end of the day, the game is not fun solo, which let's be real, not many of us have that many friends, or better yet, not often are you able to sync with a bunch of people in order to play.
Personally, I would've focused more on environmental destruction and less on the pew-pew part. I don't really know how to put it into words, but I believe the game would've been more inviting if the environmental destruction (the main gimmick of the game) played a bigger role and not the classic "HHM or MMM" team combos that we see every day. Most of the time, I play the same game where no one dares to pick the sword, the shield, or another weapon that does not make sense. I am always punished by teammates when I pick the flamethrower, for example.
The new maps are terrible, let's face it. Vegas and the Glitching map are just bad. The starting maps are glorious; the fact that they took real places (most of the time) and transformed them into an arena is genius. They could have expanded it every year with cities around the world and even inspired the battle pass skins on the country the new map was coming from but maintaining the sports apparel vibe and feel of the game.
The game is detaching from Mirror Edge's aesthetics, and this is a big no-no for me. I love skins as much as the next guy, but if you pay attention, most of the free skins the game gives you are sports apparel, which is great for the game. I don't mind if the skins are even fancier sports apparel, but I fail to see how a $19 bunny costume or an Elvis costume would fit into the game. I think the skins are random af and not in a good way.
Lastly and arguably the most important, the lack of any social interaction... I get that text chat was thought through for toxicity reasons, but I think the game could borrow a page from League of Legends or Fortnite's book when it comes to introducing the social element into the game. These things have been said before: a global chat, an actual clan system, menus that help you see who you played with, check profiles, and add those players, make players play with one another, and create the bridges that are necessary for players to connect with one another.

I drive over to the bar on 44th Street. Doesn't take long to find it. It's got a black sign with silver writing on it, the name is spelled out in some florid style, similar to the Coke name on the cans, lots of flowing ornamentation, much more than on the actual Coke logo. Inside it's a chintzy place with some old 90s EDM playing, sounds a bit like The Chemical Brothers, that big beat style. It ain't loud. The place isn't busy at this time, there's a guy sat at the bar in an old, rumpled suit, and a few guys spotted around the place. There's CCTV all over the bar and I wonder how long they keep it for. I walk up to the bar and the bartender comes over. He's a tall, skinny guy with black pants and a black company top.
He looks me over. "What'll it be, toots?"
He's got a squeaky voice, sounds like he just got here from 1938. I show him my badge and then the picture.
"You know this guy?"
He looks at it carefully, as if he needs to inspect it to be sure. "Sure, sure. He comes here sometimes."
"When was he last here?"
He thinks for a second, rubs his chin. "About a month ago. Ain't seen him since then though."
"Was he with anyone?"
"Not when he arrived," he says with a knowing smile.
"So he met someone here?"
"Oh yeah." He fiddles with his wedding band. "Funny though, didn't think she was his type."
I look at his hands and then back at his face. "Married?"
"Working."
"Did she work for him?"
"I don't know. They left together but another guy left with them," he says.
"What do you mean? They all left together? How did that work?"
He thinks again. "She was chatting with some girl, probably another worker but I ain't seen here around here before. Guy was sat at the bar and then she came to buy a drink. They talk a bit and then when she went back to her friend she kept glancing over. He gets up, walks to a booth, she joins him. They talked for a bit, I can't remember how long, but not long. Then this other guy comes in, sees them and joins them. She buys a round of drinks, they talk, drink up, and all three of them leave together."
I nod as if it makes sense. "What did they look like? The working girl and the guy?"
"Uh, the guy, he was a short-stack." He looks away when he realises what he's said to me. "Not tough looking, small, looked like someone who'd pay, if you know what I mean."
"Client?"
"Possibly. I ain't seen him in here before. He was smartly dressed, not a suit, but a shirt and nice slacks."
"And the girl?"
"Tall, blonde, fake though, bleached. Long legs, short skirt, tight top. You know what I'm saying, right? She's gotta suck 'em in. Worked like a charm from what I could see."
"You think he paid and went with her?"
"If they'd left alone, just the two of 'em I'da said yes, but with the other guy? Who knows. Maybe they wanted a three-way or something, but I didn't get the impression the two guys knew one another."
"What about the girl? She been in before? Did it seem like she knew the other guy, shorty?"
He shakes his head. "Not from what I seen. I didn't hear them talk, but he seemed to be introducing himself to them. Then he sat down and like I said, they talked, she bought drinks, they drank and talked and left. And she's a regular. I think she works nearby."
"Any idea where?"
He shakes his head. "I stay away from that stuff."
"Did this guy," I shake the picture, "talk to shorty when the worker bought the drinks?"
"I didn't look at them, I was making the drinks. They didn't seem to be talking when she got up and came over to the bar."
"So it looks like none of them knew one another but they all left together and she's a working girl?"
"About the size of it, yeah."
"Okay, thanks. One last thing, the CCTV; how long do you keep it for?"
"About a month."
"So they might be on it?"
"It's possible." He looks down the bar to where a guy is waving his glass. "I gotta go, sorry."
I nod and watch him walk off then head back to my car. I ponder what he told me, and realise I'm stuck. I can't think who the short guy might be, and the working girl matches to the description of any number of them in the city. I try to think of a working place nearby and can't figure any. I know a guy who works with them, tries to help them out, stop them working. He's a part of some local church as far as I know. I decide to pay him a visit.

Good morning my fellow reader,
I have recently decided it is time to move forward in life and change things like getting rid of bad habits and continuing good ones, and this means giving Reddit another chance in making potentially a new friend or friend group. Below is a little list and sample of what I am like so please message me if you feel like I’d make a good friend. Just to warn I have been told I give golden retriever vibes and I have ADHD lol.
First thing is I’m a huge nerd for anything sci-fi or fantasy. I love to escape reality so I enjoy games like halo, mass effect, dragon age, dark souls, destiny, crusader kings 3, Stellaris, elden ring, assassins creed (mostly the original series), fall out, Skyrim and some others I cannot think off.
While escaping reality I also love watching movies but more so space related as the never do fantasy justice. My top movies in no order are; how to train your dragon, kung fu panda, gladiator, interstellar, dredd, guardians of the galaxy. There are more but I cannot think of them right now lol
So if I’m not gaming or watching movies I’m either star gazing or in the gym. I go to the gym 5 times a week and i am training to be as strong as my body will allow me. I won’t say my best lifts here but if interested send me a message and ask as I do enjoy talking about the gym life.
Hope you enjoyed reading this and hope we can be friends. If you’re struggling to open a conversation with me just send a little intro and I’d love to chat.

Hi! I'm gonna try an simplify this as much as possible but it will be hard considering all the details and messages that have been thrown at me in recent months.
I had a friend of 7 years who tried to defame me to my friend group saying I was actively mistreating my boyfriend. She made a gc with everyone else in it except me and my bf. When my bf caught wind, he seen 6 paragraphs of what she was saying and doing.
Everything down to the bone was debunked by him and then my friend group came to me to ask mote details. We called her out, showed proof and blocked her on all social media platforms. Stating multiple times from each one of us to no longer contact us under any circumstances.
She proceeded to say that her "demons." Took over and so forth.
In the last 2 months she has CONTINUED to make accounts or use very old ones to contact everyone threatening us, and in some instances acting like a child having a tantrum trying to say all the threats she said and nasty harmful things about my family wasn't her and that she wanted to try again. This would not be the first time, but this is the actual first time in my adulthood she has done this and as severe because I had proof, and an unlimited amount.
Not to mention that my friend group and mnay people I graduated with seen who she really was and was utterly disgusted by her behavior.
May I digress. Each time we tell her how it is, not making threats or throwing around harmful words. At the end of the convo we tell her to stay out of our lives and to heed her own words and to leave us alone despite her thinking we started condos first. There's proof that she has started it all the time.
Today, around 9:30 she somehow got ahold of my new phone number which she has NEVER been given to my knowledge. At least through me.
She has pictures of me from high-school (14-15) with obvious edited captions on snapchat (which I don't use snapchat.) And the captions on them are like "yeah baby, I'm still racist."
"I ❤️ racism." And a bunch of supposed Discord messages from a gc I had never been involved in.
There were like 14 images.
She then said "don't worry. I have way more." I just blocked the number.
She then sent the "proof" to one of my friends who has a business acc with all the pictures. He didn't have her one acc blocked on that one quite yet.
She was calling us all sorts of nasty names, and claiming we're all racist. Btw we have a screenshot of her saying the N word a couple times in private chats between certain people of the group. But I'm not gonna stoop to her level.
The message that stood out to me ESPECIALLY was "don't worry, I'm talking to a buddy of mine who will take care of insert my name
She will not let up on any of it and keeps creating multiple accounts and thinks that posting these on her social media platform will do her good.
Now, that I have explained the circumstances.
What is the full process and do you think that anything can be done.
I cannot afford to change my number, and I have already created a new acc on some social platforms. We have blocked her an unknowingly amount of times and she will not let up on anything.
She has been known in the past to make different phone numbers to reach out.
I'm not very well educated on the laws down to the bone, and I do have a learning disability so a lot of my understanding is hard for me to grasp unless written in 4 year old crayon eating terms.
I live in the United States if this helps.

Will start from the first me [25F] joined the current manufacturing industrial company from a IT company. The current job hop happened when I was 1.5 years into my IT career. So it was overwhelming for me how a day ago I was doing security patching and now am surrounded by all these machineries and welding stuff, they make air distillation columns.
Now 9 months in to this new career as a Quality Assurance Trainee, i still feel like I'm going no where. A new company intern has joined and i see massive potential in him and he could be a better asset than me. Now again i heard another intern is joining from America and the reality of "oh well am replaceable" is hitting me.
My boss initially when I joined, in front of another department asked me about isometrics and I had no idea so I told "no I don't know" and he laughed and all then proceeded to explain it to me. And after that meeting he said, you graduated from mechanical 2 years back and you don't remember it, seems like IT ruin people.
He is helpful and guides me through times. But some back hand comments have affected me. Like once i didn't know how to use a punching machine because last time i used was 8 years ago and this one was quite different rather the normal one you see. So he went "You need to be taught everything".
Now in this new job I was hellah depressed at the first 2 months fully suicidal. 3 weeks into joining he had a meeting with me and he told me you don't know any of the company procedures. I felt like a looser and still do. from there the nightmares started. I couldn't sleep because all I could think about was NCR (non conformity report)
But the nightmare's stopped eventually, until recently it got worse so My boss has 2 sub ordinates in which one i have no idea what work they are doing? Their responsibility was this Gemba file. Now it has come to me and I'm the one dealing with it along with the new intern. NCR log full control on me. with 85% completion done by me. and i have close NCR verify root cause and corrective action taken. corrective action verification and CoPQ. Have to follow up for internal audits, Quality capitalization. I feel like am doing a lot and still not satisfied with my work.
Recently my boss went for vacation and during that time there were 2 NCR which needed RCA and since he told me to do check that and i said okay. He was not here and we needed Internal meeting with concerned stakeholders so i asked my boss's boss who is HOD of our department, what to do and he said, no do just fact verification. And once my boss came back. He asked for this and i replied I didn't do RCA cause this is what happened. And he went so it feels like you're boss is not me but our HOD. And after that nightmare's started which lead to, where i couldn't talk to my HOD also. Like my boss getting angry at me telling he is the boss of me so do what I say. Declining a promotion because I was doing a bad job and my boss won't like me if I get promotion cause I'm underserving.
One day he did not had tissues and he asked me to get the tissues for him and I had to arrange tissues for him and this made me feel like I'm more of his personal assistant. Yesterday I had another meeting and i was not able to attend a meeting which happens daily, and in that daily meeting we update the status of current number of NCR and CoPQ etc. through a dashboard graph which to be updated regularly at 1:00pm. For updating easily info is given through a group chat in WhatsApp and it is to be updated in a google sheet file, before going I told him I'll update it but i got busy and forgot to update it. My boss called me during the meeting and i didn't answer the call cause meeting got prolonged and once i came back, he went " Where is the update, you told me you will update it." And i didn't replied anything. Just said sorry and I updated that file. My only question is it's a copy paste data, why did he wait for me? and it should be updated at 1:00pm I left for meeting at 12:15pm so if i update then the data would be in accurate. He has explicitly told me it should contain data till 1:00 pm
TLDR My boss doesn't value me and it's affecting my personal life. I wonder if it is workplace abuse

It was late November 2015. I was 51 and one year past my divorce (which was not related to cheating) when I became so disgusted with myself that I knew I had to pick myself up. I was alone for the long holiday, and although I wasn't really sad or lonely, I felt empty. However, I had some extra time to consider how does one picks oneself up.
I made a list of potential New Year resolutions that were individually realistic. Some were really easy and stupid like “have your chipped front tooth fixed” and “take & post a selfie”. These smaller tasks fueled my confidence and provided the energy boosts needed to tackle the more challenging resolutions, like starting a weight loss challenge at work.
Skip ahead to March 4th 2016. I had a Friday lunch date with a married client that I met two weeks prior. Of course, it was not a real date, as I wouldn't impose myself on a married woman, nor would I risk my career or my ego, especially if the signals she seemed to be sending were just a product of my wishful thinking, stimulated by checking off some boxes on the list on the fridge dated 1/1/16.
The following is my thank you note to her for a great date as well as for helping me check a lot of boxes over the past few weeks. I sent her a link to it as it is in the form of my first ever online post (one more check box, YAY!).
************************************** We were only 1 minute in the hotel room; her jeans in a ball on the floor. She sat at the foot of the king sized bed and backed her way into the stack of oversized pillows lining the headboard. I followed as If attached by a leash. I landed somewhat awkwardly on my elbows between her legs finding myself squarely face to face with the tattoo. This tattoo, that she so shamelessly revealed just a week ago, the same tattoo that has been scorching my thoughts and the same tattoo that she promised me complete and unlimited access.
It’s been a long time since I have been here or anywhere near as nice as here, between the legs of a beautiful woman 20 years younger and far out of my league....even when I was her age. I took a second to drink in my fortunate situation. I admired her panties. All day I was so hoping she would wear those same panties as before. She didn’t. These were different but similar enough. The delicate lace and silk perfectly framed the tattoo on her hip. She did not disappoint. There is a fruity jasmine scent, intoxicatingly pleasant, and oh so subtle. It is not here. I’ll need to find its source. I want more of that. (I remember being thoroughly impressed and thinking to myself “This girl is good”.)
I briefly forgot that there was someone else here besides myself and the tattoo. How long have I been down here perving out on her? I wondered. I hesitated, and then apologetically looked up half expecting a well-deserved snarky glare. What I found instead was an ear to ear compassionate smile followed by a tilt of her head and an arch of her eyebrow that said “I like that you like that, carry on”.
With confidence restored that we were still in sync, I adjusted myself so that I was in a good position to thoroughly enjoy what I came to do. I kissed the tattoo hard and gave it a good lick. The challenge for today was “Taste the Tattoo” and I won. I did a small celebration gesture that she rolled her eyes to. I continued to kiss and taste all around until every freckle got some personal attention. As I got to the upper most reaches of her inner thighs, I looked up to check in as I was about to cross a new line. For the first time she was not looking back at me but had laid her head back deep into the pillows, her eyes closed. I took that as a yes!
I marveled at the softness of her inner thighs on my cheeks as I gently placed kisses up one and down the other. As I kissed her through her panties, her hips responded by arching her up in anticipation of each next kiss. Before long, those wonderful panties were just getting in the way. I stopped and pondered whether to just slide them aside or remove them or to risk interrupting the mood and attempt a complete wardrobe removal as we were both still fully dressed except for her jeans.
I didn’t have to ponder long as she knew what she wanted and it was not any of the options I was considering. Still lying back with her head semi submerged within the pillows, she held out her arms as if gesturing for a hug. I moved up her body and when I got close enough she pulled me in for a kiss.
Unbelievably, this was our first kiss. I found it odd that we had not kissed yet and was grateful she thought to stop for a moment to have a kiss. We kissed some and then I settled in to thoroughly enjoy it. However, the kiss to come was not the kiss I was expecting or a kiss I was ready for. It was a kiss that could ruin everything.
Technically, there was one kiss before. It was an awkward kiss 5-10 minutes earlier just after we entered the room. All in about the time it took for the hotel door to close behind us, she tossed her bag on the sofa, had her jewelry off and set on the nightstand while I emptied my pockets and silenced my phone.
We approached each other, and as we met I was looking at the place where the tattoo would be under her shirt and behind her jeans. They were higher cut and could not be pulled down that far to get to the tattoo. They would have to come off. To just reach in and do that would be an uncharacteristically bold move for me. But I did have unquestionable permission to have the tattoo in any way that I desired. I reached down with both hands and took hold of the waistband on each side of the button. I didn’t see her simultaneous move in at me at first. Just as I felt the metal of the button, I felt her reaching her arms around my neck and realized that she was tip toeing up for a kiss. It caught me unexpectedly and I think it showed on my face that it did. I tried to recover and moved back in to accept her lips on to mine but it turned into an awkward peck.
I scolded myself for the selfish moment and just as I was trying to formulate a recovery gesture, she, without missing a beat, gently dismissed my fumble and gracefully restored the momentum. “Oh” she said with surprise in her tone, while looking down at my fingers ready to release her button. Then, in a more playfully quizzical tone, she followed with “I guess you want to get right to THAT then” and she stepped back away from me where I lost grip of her jeans. She replaced my fingers on the button with hers, paused, maybe waiting for me to look up to her eyes, which I finally did, then flashed me a devilishly naughty smile and pulled her jeans down to the top of her boots. She then proudly announced, mostly to herself, “You really are going to let me have fun with you, aren’t you!” seemingly shedding any doubts in her mind that I would go through with this. She then sat at the foot of the all white linen king sized bed, removed her boots and jeans and backed her way into the stack of oversized pillows lining the headboard.
Back to our kiss. The kiss that from now on I will reflect on as our first kiss
Responding to her hug gesture, I moved up her body and when I got close enough she pulled me in for a kiss. I didn’t flub it this time, but again, I didn’t know it was coming, and prolly I should have. It took only ten seconds to adjust and synchronize to each other’s kissing form. It was warm and succulent and sweet and was wonderful. I really was surprised at how nice this felt. I don’t recall married kissing being this enjoyable. I remember saying to myself “Damn, this girl can kiss”.
I was on top, in a position that wasn’t going to be comfortable for as long as I wanted this to last, so I backed away to reposition but she held tight indicating she didn’t want me to move. I gestured at the space next to her and she relented. We then settled in facing one another side by side; her smile confirming that this was a nice place. We were hugging and kissing, pulling each other closer and looking into each other’s eyes. Our legs intertwined and our hands were roaming, but not really in a sexual way, more like trying to make as much body contact as possible. I couldn’t get over how I felt so much more familiarity than there was. What I did not recognize at the time was that this was the physical intimacy catching up to match the virtual intimacy we have been sharing online.
Soon the intensity escalated and it was getting very hot very quickly. The intensity and passion that was building was not something I ever expected or planned for. This was the rare kind of making out where accidental hickeys happen and inadvertent “Oh god I love you’s” slip out. Not that either of those was going to happen but my safe, non-committal no emotional strings encounter was getting too hot to not risk introducing emotions into the situation. And that could happen.
At some point I was no longer kissing her lips and mouth but was kissing her.
I broke contact to catch a breath and maybe get some control of the fire. We stopped for a moment to breathe and cool off. She slid herself on top and I rolled over on to my back to accommodate her. She looked at me with eyes that appeared to agree that it was a good time to slow it down. She closed her eyes and she seemed to enjoy that I was rubbing her back with both hands that I slipped up under her shirt. She presented her lips for me to kiss and then her cheek for the same, then neck and ear and lips again. Her long hair had fallen down around us, surrounding our faces like a vail creating a tiny private and even more intimate space. Inside here it was darker and the temperature and humidity rose quickly. We were breathing each other’s breath between kisses. All of a sudden I noticed that Jasmine was back. Not subtle this time, but deep and fulfilling. I loved it.
This fragrance stuff really works. The next morning just after waking up, I caught an unexpected subtle whiff on my skin under my watch and my heart jumped by 20 beats. Who’d a thunk it possible?
The passion was building again but since I was aware and cautious now, I wanted to enjoy and go with it. I thought I could keep it measured and I did for a while as it does take two. The kissing slowed to half and so did the passion. However, the rest of our bodies started to make up for it and the touching evolved into the sexual. She was still on top of me and my hands were exploring and squeezing on her panty covered butt, then under and in those panties. Her body contact became more targeted as she was now very deliberately mashing her fun stuff all over my fun stuff. The kissing subsided but replaced with the audible accompaniment of her squeaks, moans and quicker breathing timed with her mashing I was no longer in control. The passion was under control but being replaced with something intimately erotic.
I abruptly escaped by gently rolling her over on to her back then getting up and knelling between her legs. I took a moment to catch my breath and wanted to say “That is getting WAY too intimate. Can we get naked and have sex now?” However, I tugged at her panties and said something dorky like “can we take these off now?” Yes, we were still both fully dressed except for her jeans
Since I am the kind of guy who doesn’t kiss and tell, (well, only tells about the kisses) and this is not the forum for it, I am not going to talk about the sexy part over the next 30 minutes. I will tell you that we did finally each get ourselves unceremoniously naked and then the sexy part finishes where it started, with me finishing all over that beautiful tattoo. Of course I did a small celebration gesture that she rolled her eyes to.
*************************************************
Cuddle time. Our snapchats leading up to this encounter were heavy on the anticipation and buildup but didn’t contain a lot of detail about or define what stuff would happen during our “fun” time together.
Me: “Ok then, tomorrow lunchtime, I’m in.”
Her: “OMG Are you saying that you are REALLY going to come here and let me have fun with you?
Me: “I’m REALLY going to come there. I am REALLY going to fully inspect that tattoo, as well as the neighborhood where the tattoo lives.
Her: “I so can’t wait to get my hands on you.”
Me: “WOW….Now that this is real and going to happen, my heart is beating so hard that I am afraid that people can see it through my shirt.”
Her: “You have to tell me, are you being SERIOUS right now? You can’t say this and not show up. It’s OK if you are teasing, but you have to say so that you are now….not tomorrow!!!”
Me: “I am SERIOUS and I PROMISE I will be there. You have gotten to me, BAD. All week with the way we have been talking..err..I mean snapchatting; I can’t get you out of my head. Then today with those tattoo snaps you sent; I can’t get up from my desk. LOL…..NOT kidding NOT teasing.”
Her: “I am BAD, and I like having FUN. I am going to have so much fun with you!!!”
************************************************
The only specific things I recall us acknowledging we would do with our “fun” was tattoo inspection and cuddle time. So as soon as cleanup from sexy time was done we both knew what time it was. For me, as good as the inspection was the cuddle was better. Just as during the sexy time we changed things up and we got to cuddle many ways. We started face to face full contact hugging just like our kissing time with some but less kissing and more being in the moment.
We were still hot (temperature hot now) and sweaty so that didn’t last long. She turned over and we spooned some. I was still craving full body contact but it was still so hot that we had to separate a bit. No contact spooning if you will, with just my one hand caressing her exposed shoulder and arm and hip with an occasional butt cheek squeeze.
It was about that time that we had our first ever personal conversation. On the project there were lots of flirty banter and some personal stories but almost always as part of a group. We had many phone calls and a few project meetings with just us two but never did the conversation get personal. Until now the only personal talks (Chats) we have had have been via Snapchat. I don’t recall who asked the first question of the other, but it was like a dam broke and we started filling in the details of our lives, our feelings and all the things we chatted about.
There was a lot to tell and we were giddy like children (child) best friends re-meeting on the first day of school catching each other up on our summer vacations. At one point she had something compelling to say and faster than a fish out of water she flipped back to facing me so she could gesture with her hand and punctuate through her expression. She landed close. Closer that I think she meant to at first and just a bit awkward I felt. But I was wrong. She didn’t back up an inch. I really couldn’t see her hand but I could feel that she was using it in the 2 to 4 inches of space between our chests. Her face was right into mine. She would lean back or up just an inch when she wanted me to see her eyes or smile or frown for emphasis, then settle back into the pillows with our foreheads or noses or cheeks touching. It was the farthest thing in the world from awkward.
If there was a recurring theme for the day it would be HOT; in every sense and synonym of the word. Again, it was getting too sweaty to remain that close. This time she broke contact to catch a breath and escape the heat. We stopped talking for a moment to breathe and cool off. She sat up, crawled to, and grabbed the (sexy time) clean-up towel that was at the far foot of the bed. She turned around so that she was kneeling facing me as she brought the towel up to her chest to absorb the beads and drips of sweat that had accumulated. As I watched, I again thought of my great fortune to be right here right now feeing what I feel and seeing the beauty before me. She pushed the towel down across her belly button and it fell into her lap.
I observed the soft sunlight reflecting off the white sheets, the white towel, and the white pillows bathed her in perfect light creating just a hint of subtle shadows in all of the right places on her angelic white skin. I started consciously taking photos with my mind. I wanted to capture every nuance and note every detail. I don’t know if I will ever be here again.
I don't recall if my next realization was comprehended in a split second, or if it took ten seconds to develop, but a terrible fear washed over me that for the first time in forever, she was beyond my touch and her next action might be to look for her panties or go jump in the shower. We were after all, deep into the second hour of her hour long lunch.
As I was preparing myself for the pain soon to come, I couldn't understand where it was coming from. I had the BEST DAY EVER, but I felt like an exhausted child who just watched the Disney fireworks finally and knows what that means.
What the hell? What is happening in my head? I don't even know this girl, let alone have feelings for her beyond she made my dick feel good at lunchtime.....and, I guess my ego is healthier since I met her. I have not cheated on my diet since she turned on the flattery the week before. I was sure it had to be somehow manipulative, but I hoped that if only a 5% chance it wasn't AND she liked me AND her mom was single, made it easy to keep my snacking to peas & carrots.
My self esteem has been skyrocketing too, as I have been checking a lot of boxes on my refrigerator. LOL, so many in fact, that I have been adding things to the list after they happened that I didn't dare put on it as they seemed pretty unobtainable just two months before. "Get sent a nude selfie, check. Have the confidence to send one back, check. Take a hottie 32 year old client out to lunch and fuck her brains out, check.
Did I just discover that I like girls who make my self esteem feel good more than I like girls who make my dick feel good?
Shit, that wasn't even on my top ten list. Smart, funny, pretty, Kind, whatever is the opposite of bitchy, fun in bed, boobs and/or an age appropriate figure is always nice, curious, someone you can trust to see you at your worst. Before today, "genuinely being a boost & support of my self esteem" was 10th.
Then BAM. I was hit in the face with the towel. Damn girl, I hope you can handle a spanking because I was just on the verge of making an interpersonal discovery of some importance over here, I thought to myself. I noticed the slightest or possibly mock look of concern on her face as she asks "you're not having any regrets or second thoughts over there are you?". I reflexively replied "Oh god no". Then with some emphasys, I continued "today was incredible. I REALLY needed this and you were PERFECT, thank you".
Again she did not disappoint. She crawled to the top of the bed on the far side and then to me over the pillows and laid down at a 90 angle to me on her stomach parallel to the headboard with her head nearly right on top of mine. She propped herself up a bit on her elbows and we kissed deeply. It was nice.
I made a few attempts to shake my internal drama, get out of my head and get back to my goal of picking my self up after my divorce. Oops, I mean back to pleasing a beautiful woman who clearly was not yet done having her fun with me. The emotional rollercoaster ride over the last hours, days & weeks completely blew out my brains ability to generate or absorb endorphins or whatever happens in a situation like this. Shortly after we had joked around while showering together, kissing goodbye (just like when I kissed my endorphin killing ex wife) and going on back to our separate lives.
I drove the hour or so home, brought my dog to the park and had healthiest and happiest cry I ever had. I don't know what I was feeling or why, but I was feeling again and it brought me much relief and contentedness.
We texted a bit that evening confirming that we each enjoyed our time together and agreeing that we should do that again sometime. The next day, Saturday, her husband took their 5 & 8 year old sons somewhere for the day. We checked in with each other again over text and chatted some about our lunch but the spark or excitement we usually had was not the same.
I reached out again that evening and asked if she was in a place that we could talk on the phone. She resisted but did call me (our first personal phone call). It took her 24 hours to let her cry bubble up. It turns out that our emotional experiences were remarkably similar, albeit from different perspectives.
She much later reveals that she felt emotionally dead for her hubby. She evolved to a bad place where she wanted fuck anyone but her hubby but still fucked him twice a week and had to appear happy to do it, killing her brain chemistry.
We rode the best and worst roller coaster in the world for 6 or 8 months....until the the Cocaine eventually wore off or the unobtainable became obtainable and it wasn't the the same rush for either of us any longer. She was the closest thing to a drug addiction that I ever felt. I never wanted anyone or anything like I wanted her.
My hope is that this story helps one person answer the question "Why the hell would he/she risk giving up their wonderful & loving family for an hour with a douchebag or a skank?"