How long does it take to establish credit after bankruptcy

Hi all, I wasn't sure if I should put this here or in the main FtM sub but I figured this might be a better place to post my woes.
Potential triggers: discussion of trauma, PTSD, health concerns, surgery, relationship issues
TL;DR: My partner has a lot of trauma and likely PTSD around caretaking, health issues of loved ones, and surgery, and is having an extremely hard time coping with the fact that I am moving forward with getting top surgery.
So the issue is in the title but there is more context and nuance to this situation, and I want to say outright that my partner (they/them) is extremely supportive of my transition in general and the issue is around the surgery itself.
My partner and I have been together for almost 7 years, and have been married for 3. We got married before I realized I was trans. Before I came out, they were always adamant about not wanting to be married to a man, which made it really challenging for me to want to come out to them and move forward with transitioning when I finally realized that I'm a trans man. That being said, they were supportive of me when I came out as trans about 2 years ago, and have been a great ally and advocate for me in social situations. They struggled a bit with the changes that came when I first started on T, but now they celebrate me and the changes that T has made to my body. Through/because of my transition, they realized they're pansexual, and find me as attractive as they did before T, but it took some time to get here, and they still sometimes struggle with the fact that they're married to a man.
The fact that I transitioned about a year after we got married has been an issue from the get-go, and I think if things had happened in the reverse order, we would both be more satisfied in our relationship. They feel as though they never got to say goodbye to the person they fell in love with. I know that sounds a bit fucked up but I can see where they're coming from, because the person they first met is not who I am anymore. That person was never real to begin with and was more or less a persona that I created to fit into the role that was expected of me, so when I came out, my true personality has come forward, so yes I understand why they feel such grief, and it doesn't mean that they're not also happy for me at the same time (feelings are complicated). This is something we've had a lot of conversations about, and unfortunately I feel that they have some resentment towards me for not realizing my identity before we made a legally binding decision. They don't outright say it, but I get the sense that they feel like I've betrayed them because I came out and started transitioning after we got married rather than before.
Additionally, throughout our relationship, I have struggled with a variety of different health problems. Most recently, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's thyroiditis about 4 years ago, which was triggered by a non-transition related surgery. My partner was an excellent caretaker when I was at my sickest, but they have quite a lot of trauma from their childhood around caretaking, which was then perpetuated in our relationship. Before my diagnosis and while still figuring out the right medication dosage for me, I was extremely irritable and had a lot of negativity/depression/anxiety which I unfairly took out on my partner. These psychiatric symptoms are part of my Hashimoto's, and I also have quite severe ADHD which was untreated at the time, so you might be able to imagine the poor treatment my partner received when I was quite ill. I lashed out at them over very small things and was just generally unpleasant to be around. Due to brain fog, I can't even remember most of what I said or how I acted, but I know it really hurt them (emotionally/mentally). We have had many conversations about this too, and I have apologized more times than I can count. Since getting my health issues and ADHD under control, my behavior and irritability have been significantly better, but they still bring up that time in our relationship whenever we have a major conflict. They clearly have not forgiven me for this or moved on, even though they said they have. I feel like I will never be able to make up for the hurt and trauma no matter how good of a partner I am now.
Fast forward to the present. I have been on my local top surgery waitlist since March 2023 and just yesterday I FINALLY got scheduled for a consult which is next month. My partner has known that I want top surgery from the beginning, and I waited a whole year after starting T before I even got on the waitlist, to allow them some time to process it. I got a call that I was getting close to the top of the list back in February, which I told them immediately, and I have been keeping them updated throughout the process. Every time I bring it up, they get extremely upset. Crying, wanting to be alone, spending all their time in another room and not wanting to be around me, etc. It's obviously very triggering for them and I believe they have PTSD around this. A few months ago, I sat them down and we were able to have an open and honest conversation about it for the first and only time, and they confessed that they didn't think they could mentally handle being my caretaker again because of what happened before. I accepted this immediately and started thinking about and researching other options for post-surgery care. Their feelings and experiences are valid and I have no problem figuring this out on my own if it means that we can have a healthy relationship. I have friends and family who are more than happy to help, and my health insurance covers most of the cost for a caretaker. I am fortunate enough to be surrounded by many very supportive people who would absolutely help me out post-surgery. Most of my friends are trans (or are the partner of a trans person) and have had (or have experience taking care of someone who has had) top surgery so I am comfortable asking them for help. There are enough folks in my support system that no one person would be overburdened with taking care of me and in fact the two friends I already told about this issue immediately volunteered (without me even asking) to drive me to/from my appointments and take sick days to help me out post-surgery.
However, when I told my partner that they don't need to take care of me and that I could stay with family, ask friends to help out, or hire someone, they were still upset. They said they feel guilty for not being able to take care of me or be there for me as my partner. They've told me they don't think they can handle being in this relationship if I get top surgery because of the guilt around not being able to take care of me. I feel like I'm being forced to choose between living as my authentic self and keeping my relationship. I already know I'm going to move forward with surgery, but I'm really struggling with the idea that it might mean I'm going to lose my partner, who I thought I would spend my entire life with. I would be willing to delay surgery to allow them more time to process, but it has already been over 2 years since I started medically transitioning, a year on the waitlist, a few months since I was told I'd get a consult soon, and they still aren't mentally prepared for this. I'm concerned that there is not enough time in the world for them to be mentally ready for this and I can't just put my transition on hold when they've already had so much time and made no effort to start to process their trauma around this. I am suffering physically and mentally already - I overheat constantly because I'm binding and wearing multiple shirts to hide my chest and binder, my posture has worsened and I have shoulder and back pain I never had before I started binding, and I am limited in what I can do, especially as the weather is warming up, it makes me extremely sad and dysphoric that I can't just take my shirt off and enjoy the water, or join people in a pool/hot tub. I've tried to explain to my partner that this surgery is a good thing and will allow me to be more mentally present and live a happier and more fulfilling life, which they logically understand but don't seem to emotionally get it due to their trauma. They are in the process of getting a therapist, but haven't seen one yet about this particular issue (they have been to therapy for other reasons a few years ago), and they aren't willing to do couple's counseling, saying that they'd rather put that time/energy into themselves.
It makes me really sad that I can't celebrate this exciting transition milestone with the most important person in the world to me, and that they might not even be in my life anymore afterwards. They don't have an issue with me transitioning, just with the surgery. They said if I woke up tomorrow and my chest was totally flat/masculine, that would be completely ok. I understand being concerned about the health risks of surgery and that my recovery will probably be a little more rough than the average bear because of my thyroid condition, but this goes beyond an understandable/regular level of concern imo. I feel frustrated and disappointed with them for not taking steps towards processing this trauma so they can be there for me, especially since it's something we've had so much time to prepare for. I want to be understanding and patient, but I have been for so long already and haven't seen them put any effort into doing the work. I worry that my patience and understanding is what's been keeping this relationship from falling apart when this subject comes up, and that soon I am going to be out of that energy/space for them unless they start putting the effort into working through these issues.
I am also slightly frustrated because I put in a lot of work over the years to address my emotional issues that caused them a lot of pain, but I don't feel like it's recognized, and every time they're triggered, they treat me as if I haven't done any work whatsoever on myself, like we're right back where we were 4 years ago. I have been through many years of therapy and my hormones are stable (including my thyroid), and I'm on ADHD medication that works very well for me. I take care of myself and get my bloodwork done every 3-6 months as needed, take my medications very consistently, have a good sleep and self-care routine, etc., all changes that have helped me be a better partner and person which I feel have gone completely unnoticed. To be honest, I feel like I take care of them all the time. I go grocery shopping, I make sure dinner is on the table every day, I'm the only one that does the dishes, lately I have been doing most of the cleaning except the floors and litter box. I have even done extra projects around the apartment when they mention something they want to do but don't have time/energy for - like hanging up some art that has been sitting around for a while, and organizing shared spaces. I'm still treated like a villian every time they're triggered, no matter what I say or do. They ask me why I hate them and cry for hours if I get into bed an hour later than they do and it wakes them up (they are a very light sleeper), and tell me I'm being mean when I say I wish they had told me how they feel before things get to the point of crisis. I don't know what to expect from them sometimes because they are unclear in their communication. I ask how they are and they say "as fine as I always am" and don't elaborate even when I ask, which I assume to mean that they're okay, when they're actually not okay and they expected me to just know that, so they think I'm being inconsiderate if I move onto a different topic of conversation. We will go days or weeks without having any issues and then all of a sudden, they tell me "I don't think I can do this anymore" because I didn't do the dishes for a day, or there's a stack of mail that's been on the tv stand for a little too long. They say that it's not out of no where and that if I just paid attention, I would see that, but I do pay attention and I ask how they are and I make space for them to share how they're doing, but they don't share their feelings with me until they get so upset that they can't control it anymore. Lately, the only time they share their feelings is when they're upset.
I don't know what I'm supposed to accept because of their PTSD/trauma and I feel so guilty about how I've perpetuated and caused harm to them in the past, so it feels wrong to suggest that they're being unfair to me. At the same time, I don't think I should be expected to put up with being treated like this and thinking that things are totally okay one day, only to be told the next that they don't know if they want to keep doing this. This morning they told me they don't want to come back home, and that I can keep our cat. I don't want to lose them, but at a certain point I can't make someone work through their trauma, and it makes me extremely sad that this relationship isn't worth saving in their mind and they'd rather just leave me when I get surgery than deal with the hard stuff.
I appreciate you if you read all of that. I don't want anyone to tell me to end this relationship because I am not going to do that without giving them a little more time, especially since they are getting ready to start therapy soon. They really are such a wonderful and amazing person and I feel so so lucky to call them my partner. They have so many amazing qualities and we can relate to each other in ways that I haven't been able to with anyone else. They just have a lot of trauma and I am stuck not knowing how to navigate the situation as I continue my transition, knowing that my getting surgery is extremely triggering for them and might end our relationship. I love them a lot and don't want to lose them, but I'm also realistic and have been in toxic relationships before and will end things if I need to. There is nuance to this situation and I am willing to give them grace and be understanding, but at the same time, I also need to make the choices I need to make for myself. This just really sucks and I think at the moment I'd just like some support. If y'all have ever been in a situation like this and your relationship made it through, I'd love to know how. Thanks.

After everything that's been going on in Egghead, and with some recent updates we've just received, it's safe to assume that the next arc will take place in the legendary island of Elbaf! Which is bound to be the best since the last few arcs so far!
Now I currently don't know how it will play out or if the Strawhats & their allies will really go there unless something gets in the way. But for this post, I will share with you a list of what my expectations are, whether you agree with me or not. So without further ado, let's begin shall we.
The Arc of God Usopp
This is pretty obvious! Ever since Little Garden, Usopp often talked about how he wanted to be like the Giants of Elbaf. And just like many people, I think going to that island should be the best & possibly the only time for him to shine like never before! This could even be a great opportunity for Usopp to:

• Improve on his CoO, and maybe even unlock more Haki abilities.
• Gain a new weapon, whether or not his current one got destroyed.
• Meet his "bad" father - Yasopp, which I'll talk more about a bit later.
• have one of his oldest & most iconic lies become reality!

The Library of Ohara (Robin & Saul's reunion)
Thanks to Vegapunk telling the SH about his visit to Ohara after the Buster Call, not only did we learn that most of the books were saved, but it turns out that Robin's old friend Saul survived & his currently hiding for his own safety! Which means that we will have a very unexpected reunion just around the corner, while also knowing more about the Void Century that even Vegapunk himself may not!
Vivi's involvement
To anyone who have been a fan of Vivi since the day Luffy's crew 1st entered the Grand Line, you should know that the Desert Princess also encountered Brogy & Dorry when they visited Little Garden. So it make sense she has an important role in Elbaf the moment she officially reunites with the SH as possibly their "final" member, while also having both Morgans & Wapol tag along with them!
Who knows, perhaps during their visit to where the books are located, we may learn more about her ancestor - Nefertari D. Lily (or Lili), and what really happened to after refusing to become a Celestial Dragon while also not returning to Alabasta. Which I will mention in another post about another society.
The Long awaited reunion between Emperors
Now I know that this has a 50/50 chance to come true. But with all the viking reference that the Red Hair Pirates has had until now, I believe that Luffy & Shanks's long awaited reunion as fellow Emperors should undoubtedly take place in Elbaf of all places! I also wouldn't be surprised if Shanks was partly responsible for having the Giants come to Egghead in the 1st place.
And although this is mostly a personal thing, I would like to see Luffy to use his CoC to knock out some of the new Red Hair Pirate members just like Shanks did with Whitebeard's when meeting him!
Plus, during that moment, besides just some chapter 1 tributes, as well as Usopp & Yasopp finally getting some fatheson time together, I would like Oda to have Luffy & Shanks talk about Ace, Bartolomeo, and even Blackbeard.
However, since the moment in Wano when Jinbe fought Who's Who, I would also like Luffy's latest crewmember to participate in the reunion by asking Shanks why he took the Nika Fruit from the Government, and what he was really going to do with it if Luffy never ate it!? Which now leads to the next part of my list!
More information about Nika
Thanks to Vegapunk's message in the recent chapter, not only did we have more confirmation that Joy Boy was the last known person to awaken the Nika Fruit, but the story of the Sun God himself originated in Elbaf of all places!
Now although the scientist may explain everything he knows about it in the next chapter or 2, I believe the Elbaf arc should be the perfect time to learn how Nika's legend began, and how it was eventually shared with other people like the Buccaneers, Lunarians, as well as the Skypieans!
Including the Fishman, since Jinbe said "the Warrior of liberation", which means that he & his fellow Fishmans know more about Nika than we were lead to think!
But most importantly, if the story Nika did originate in Elbaf, then that means the other Gods that were mentioned in Noland's flashback (the Gods of Rain, Forest, and Earth) could also share the same place of origin as the Sun God himself! Which might make us 1 step closer into finding out who the current users of the other Legendary Zoans are, and whether they are in good hands or not.
Plus, I believe that during that moment, Luffy himself should not sleep on this one, and I think Shanks will make sure of it! Who knows, this could help Luffy gain better understanding woth his powers, as well as give him the edge he needs to surpass Joyboy!
Kid's comeback & character development
Now I know that most people believe that Kid's character arc ended the moment Shanks used Divine Departure on him, and took his Poneglyph writting. And even if he does return, he'll become another Moriah!
However, I'm not one of those people, and I believe Kid's time is far from over!
From the Giants' perspective, Kid & Law are the 2 heroes that defeated Big Mom, one of their most hated enimes. So surely not everyone in Elbaf will like what Shanks, Brogy, & Dorry did to him, even though the Red Haired Emperor was trying to save his Fleet, and the 2 Giants were out of the loop while they were gone for so long.
In fact, if what happened to Kid was anything like how the Strawhats were defeated in Sabody, then surely either Shanks or anyone who was there at the time could've told Kid almost the same thing Kuma said to Luffy about how he & his crew weren't ready yet, but has faith in them.
After all, Luffy may be an Emperor, but he isn't the only Pirate representing his generation. The same can be said for Whitebeard before Roger died.
Plus, let's not also forget that Kid was the first person to mention the man marked by flame, so it make sense that he should stick around long enough to meet the person face to face.
And if that person saw what happened to Kid & his crew, and saved them from drowning, perhaps he could become his Rayleigh, but instead of just helping him become strong enough to also be an Emperor, the man would teach Kid a lesson in humility. Which is a common thing for most anime rival's character arc.
Of course, just like what we got from Law & Bonney recently, we may get to see Kid's sad backstory, which may confirm whether or not the theory of him being Vegapunk's "7th Sattelite" is true, since some of his moves has "Punk" in their names.
And also the reveal of his Devil Fruit is also as important as that of his fellow Supernovas since magnetism has had big role since the SH entered the Grand Line.
Hajrudin's role
When I read about how the Narrator stated that the Egghead Incident may shock the world, I honestly thought that this would become the best time for the Straw Hat Grand Fleet to appear during their Emperor's time of needs.
Unfortunately, that theory eventually became debunked due to everything that has happened since that speech.
However, I believe that the Strawhats' visit to Elbaf would make up for that, and the only reason I think so is because one of the Grand Fleet capitans is actually a native of Elbaf! That's right, I'm talking about the leader of the New Giant Warrior Pirates himself, Hajrudin!
Now in case you aren't aware, Hajrudin & his crew recently made some interesting Cameo appearances in both Big Mom & Vegapunk's respective flashbacks! Specifically, during Big Mom days with Mother Caramel, we see him & his crew as kids. And when Vegapunk & Dragon met in Ohara, he was one of the Giants lead by Saul to recover the books that survived the Buster Call!
With those facts, it would stand to reason that Hajrudin is bound to have an important role in Elbaf, which makes sense since this trope has been used by every citizen of a country the Strawhats has ever met until now.
The "revenge" of the Big Mom Pirates
Now Idk whether or not Big Mom herself will make another comeback, but I can suspect that the remnants of her crew would appear since they also have some unfinished business to settle, as well as the fact that they once tried to put aside their mother's differences with the giants by having Lola marry Loki. Which failed due to her decision making at the time.
And even though Kid & Law were responsible for Big Mom's seeming demise, it's possible that the Big Mom Pirates will also blame the Strawhats for that, whether or not this will make them feel bad for them!
However, I do think that during this encounter, it could also be a chance to learn that Pudding was Kid during the events in Wano, which may lead to the Strawhats will do next after Elbaf, and that will also be part of my next blog!
Well I don't know about you, but what do you think of this list? If you have any opinions on this topic, or know any else that could be added, then please tell me in the comments section below, and br on the lookout for more posts i hope to make before the next chapter. Thank you!

Hot take but I don’t think Replacements or new team members made the show bad or less interesting. I think what didn’t work is when they brought in replacements that didn’t make sense or didn’t last long enough to get attached to. The show got really bleak, old, and less interesting when Abby would bring a new dancer every week or every other week. You’d meet a mom for maybe 20% of an episode, watch a solo from the kid, and then boom they’re gone. Ally, Jade, Sarah, Chloe (non Lukasiak… They were all practically in one episode or showcased in one episode, no one was ever gonna like them from that. Then there’s replacements like Payton or Sophia. But they just didn’t even make sense. Payton always DID look too big for the team, and while Sophia got a good edit, she was never going to be as likeable to fans as the recreational studio friendship of girls.
But then you see girls like Kalani and Brynn and I feel they have a pretty big fan following in the fandom, and I think it’s really only because they were given the time to get adjusted, get a role, and we were able to connect with them as the audience. I think Kalani and Kira were perfect replacements for the Hylands. Of course , I would have rather watched the Hylands, but after weeks and weeks of Kalani just being part of the team, it makes it easier to not miss former cast members. Similar with Brynn, she was a really good Maddie replacement, and Melissa was always the mom with the familial drama and favoritism drama. Ashlee checked both these boxes so it felt familiar, and making Brynn a permanent member made you want to get invested in her, because now you knew she wasn’t going anywhere.
It was too hard to ever get invested in one episode appearing cast members, and the constant rotating door of it gets old. Even in later seasons, I think the show does a good job of feeling how it used to when the team is Brynn, Kalani, Kendall, Nia, and Jojo. But then they started the random bring in’s again and those moments and episodes are always my least favorite kinds.

Cease-fire (noun) a temporary pause during hostilities where peace is discussed and fresh troops are tactically deployed to gain the upper hand when hostilities resume.
"Does she have a sister?"
The human body, in a fight-or-flight situation, will send signals to increase oxygen resulting in the widening of the blood vessels to allow a greater flow of blood indicated by the reddening of Robert's face. This wasn't the first time someone asked either. Derrick was the first person to notice that Robert had not returned to his bunk and, spurred on by curiosity mixed with a touch of fear, a search party was organized. Robert had been observed exiting Sorcha's quarters, receiving a passionate kiss as he left, and entered the bay to a round of cheering and lewd comments.
"It just sort of.... happened." Robert replied under his breath.
"Calm down Rob im just picking at you, nobody expected you to move so fast is all." Jacob commented.
"I didn't... She... its kind of a blur. "Robert tried to explain.
"She... at you?" Hobbs asked. "Well... Now I really want to know."
"Get the men to chow," Robert ordered. "I need a shower."
"Cold showers are a myth Robert!" Hobbs called after him.
/////
"It will take a couple days at our fastest speed, but we will get you there." Captain Blanchard answered.
"I don't doubt you Captain," Robert replied, "I'm just curious how long we have aboard. Do you have a cargo bay we can use for training?"
"What kind of training did you have in mind Colonel?" Captain Blanchard inquired.
"Marksmanship and movement drills if possible, hip pocket training if not, and we could all use some exercise if anything." Robert replied.
"We do have access to the gym Rob," Thomas pointed out, "and a workout rotation has already been created."
"Thank you for reminding me," Robert replied, "and thank you for making that happen. I'll find an open time for myself after breakfast."
"Derrick made the schedule yesterday when we was at dinner." Jacob commented.
Robert raised an eyebrow at that. Derrick was good in a fight, he knocking out a diplomat before telling the parole board off if Robert remembered correctly, but it wasn't like him to take initiative.
"Another matter if I may." Captain Blanchard began. "I know all of you are very fond of Robert and would follow him to hell and back if he ordered it, but it would be best if you started addressing each other properly. For instance, Robert holds the rank of Colonel and should be addressed as 'Sir' or Colonel Grant. It's a common military practice with a millennium of tradition behind it. Lower officer ranks should also be addressed in the same fashion accordingly. Since you have time to train, military bearing should also be part of that."
"Good point Sir." Robert replied.
Captain Blanchard smiled a little at Robert. "You and I have an equivalent rank so rank and last name is all that would be required."
"So I'd be Captain Hobbs or sir?" Hobbs asked.
"Last name." Robert interjected.
"Hobbs is my last name sir." Hobbs replied.
"What's your first name?" Jacob asked.
"First names the reason I go by my last name." Hobbs replied.
"Which is..." Robert pressed.
Hobbs tried to melt into the dining room chair. "Any you laugh we gonna have words later." Hobbs said.
Nobody was impressed by the empty threat.
"My daddy liked to read a lot, old books mostly, stuff from way back. He'd even read them to me after I came along, and he told me he named me Cy after one of his favorite people."
"Captain Hobbs," Captain Blanchard said with a smile, "Cy is short for Cyrus, the name of several emperors in ancient Persia."
Hobbs nodded.
"I know that sir, and thanks for not laughing, but I wasn't named after a king, my full first name is Cyrano."
"How big was his..." Robert started to ask, but decided to change the subject due to the look on Hobbs' face.
"Can we use the gym for battle drills?" Robert asked instead.
"Yes, of course." Captain Blanchard replied a little too quickly.
The rest of Breakfast was finished in silence.
/////
"Like Cyrano De Bergerac?" Derrick asked quietly.
"Yeah." Robert replied.
"His nose ain't that big." Derrick commented.
"That's not what I wanted to talk about, I heard you made the schedule for the Gym rotation." Robert said, changing the subject.
"Yeah... yes sir." Derrick replied. "There's a space for you already written in."
"Thanks but I was curious as to why?" Robert asked.
"Seemed like a good idea, just like a lot of the other stuff I've been doing." Derrick said.
"Yeah, your name came up a few times about work rotation as well, and I wanted to make sure you were okay with handling that for me." Robert said.
"No problem Sir, it's just something I started doing." Derrick said offhandedly.
"Good to hear," Robert replied, handing him a small envelope.
"What's this Sir?" Derrick asked.
"You're compensation Captain." Robert replied with a smile.
Derrick's eyes widened in shock, just as Robert had expected. His days of pretending to slack off while making sure everyone was taken care of were over, and Derrick knew it.
"We need another Captain, you're it."

In November, I (20 f) met up with one of my online friends of 3 years in Tokyo. Lets call him John. I met him thru a language app becsude I was learning English. He was studying abroad in Canada but came back to Japan. we usually speak in English. Basically I went to Tokyo for a university tour and we met up after 3 years of knowing each other.
Long story short we hit it off and ended up hanging out 3 times in total when it was supposed to be once. We got pretty close and held hands in public a lot (which PDA in Japan is kinda uncommon and not many ppl do it). We hung out and I slept over at his apartment. I obviously don’t rlly need to go into detail but I guess it moved kinda fast. We didn’t do the deed but we did other things. When he dropped me off at the train station that would take me to the airport we kissed goodbye twice which again is kinda PDA-ey for japan.
He kinda has always been a bad texter at times, but it was fine when I got back. I didn’t expect to be so heartbroken about but I was. It seemed like he missed me but, y know, how much can you tell thru text? Mind you he was one of the first guys I’ve ever done any of this couple-like things with.
Anyways, it was fine until he stopped answering as quick, blah blah blah u know how the story goes. He then got normal again after like 2 months. I told a few of my friends and they said “fk him move on” “maybe he doesn’t know when ur coming back” “theres another girl” the whole things. I also thought things myself, however.
I kinda pulled back, but he then was being more talkative towards me, but then that’s when we had our final conversation since. He just stopped reaching out. I reached out a week later, but I rly just sent him a meme. So he just liked it.
But, what makes me mad, was that he slid up on MY story, and when I respond he doesn’t open the message. For a week. Like? Bro what. Don’t talk to me just to ignore me. That rlly set me off bc I hadn’t talked to him in a while but my heart still kinda ached. Unfortunately I got rlly drunk that night and texted him “I need to tell you something” and I was just gonna be upfront. I’m sure he saw my message. I woke up however and unsent the message. I didn’t say what I wanted to tell him, just “can I tell u something”. But I unsent it after about 6 ish hours. Mind you it was day time for him so he probably saw it.
I feel so dumb, and I can’t seem to move on. I haven’t been really reaching out to him at all either, but idk I just always hopes he will like or slide up on my story. He does know (at least I posted) that I am transferring to a Japanese university and still nothing. I don’t know what to do. I feel so much for him and our time was cut so short. I feel like for my own sake I should message him one more time telling him how I feel and then leave it. I won’t even expect a response from him. I feel like I just need him to know how I truly feel, because I haven’t. I mean, you’d think it would be obvious considering all that we did.
What should I do? Should I just drop it? Should I text him one last time and never look back for my own satisfaction? It’s been 6 months and I just still feel heartbroken.

This is a throwaway account, but I am genuinely concerned about the direction of the United States, and how it will affect the rest of the world too. For all of our lives, America was about freedom and democracy. It may not have been perfect, but we at least had tons of freedom. We have the freedom to be friends with whoever we like, to enjoy whichever entertainment we'd like, for which news we could get, and to use whichever websites we want to (including this one). I also believe in peace, and that people can get along no matter what race, ethnicity, nationality, or their sexual orientation, gender identity, religion, disability, etc, and I believe in going forwards. Unfortunately it looks like we are heavily going backwards, especially with Donald Trump (who has been charged SEVERAL TIMES, and is on trial) as a presumptive nominee. I think we all need to learn that we shouldn't take democracy for granted, but now we live in a time where we are so dangerously close to fascism, as Trump is trying to be a dictator (With even more authoritarian rhetoric than ever before. He even said he wanted to be a dictator "only on day one", but history tells us that they last far longer than just a day.) and unfortunately I think he's going to succeed, especially after SCOTUS gives him full immunity and renders him above the law. The worst part about all this is that so many Americans are sleepwalking into it, and some even embracing it. I am heavily believing now that no matter who legitimately wins the election, Trump is going to be in office, and our freedoms will go away (being EXACTLY what the Founders, the real ones and not the MAGA versions, didn't want.). Back in the late 2010s, it would have been considered a partisan hyperbolic statement by Democrats , but after 01/06/21, and the further radicalization of the GOP (to the point it's mostly just the Trump party), plus the extreme polarization, its safe to say that our democracy is unlikely to survive the 2024 election, and here's why a dictatorship is very likely (or inevitable).

1. Apathetic Voters and Protest votes. If you look at almost all of the polls, Biden and Trump are either tied, or Trump is in the lead by a small margin. In case you haven't noticed, Biden doesn't really have much of a loyal fanbase, meanwhile, Trump has a literal cult who will follow him NO MATTER WHAT. Biden's approval rating has sunken over the years, partially due to inflation (Even though things have been getting better recently), and of course the support of Israel (despite Trump probably being even worse when its this), he signed the bill that will likely Ban TikTok (Even though Trump called for that first, then flip flopped, even though he doesn't care about tiktok) and there is yet another issue than can never be fixed, HIS AGE (though Trump really isn't much younger.) As a result, he has lost the young vote, and many people would either vote for a 3rd party candidate or for Trump as a protest vote, or vote for Trump due his time in office being more "peaceful" and having better "economy" (Even though Trump sides with PUTIN in invading Ukraine, and the fact that the covid recession started under Trump, and lets not forget the George Floyd protests and Trump trying to stop even the PEACEFUL ones, he even threatened to use the MILITARY to do it.) Either that, or they'd refuse to vote for anyone thinking that all the options suck or that Trump will for sure lose so them voting is unnecessary. But, that's one of the reasons why Hillary Clinton lost the 2016 election and Trump won (only by the electoral vote), and why we are all in this mess in the first place.
2. Voter suppression: Even if there were a lot of people who would actually want Biden to win, Ever since the 2020 election, republican lawmakers across states have passed several voter suppression laws to make it harder for those who are most likely to vote against Trump or other republican candidates. More people would also be disenfranchised. Even worse than that, is that some of it could even be done by force, such as Maga people guarding the polls, and even Poll workers not working fairly either.
3. Overturning an election could happen. Even if Biden won the election legitimately, there is still a chance that the election could be overturned, and not only that, there's a HIGHER CHANCE of it being successful than in 2020. In fact people are already planning the election denial just in case Biden wins, which will ensure that it will be more likely to be a success, so it's very likely that even if Biden legitimately wins, Trump will be in office.
4. January 6 could happen again. Even if the election doesn't get overturned, there is another way Trump could get in office, BY FORCE! When January 6 happened, it was very violent and scary, but it didn't prevent Biden from getting in office. However, things are likely to be different in 2025, and as such January 6 may be more likely to be successful than last time. They may use some tactics that are UNTHINKABLE, and of course, Trump could power grab and be in office, and thus become a dictator.

Now I know a lot of people would say that "dude relax, we survived a Trump term before, and we will survive the next one, it won't be as bad." Yeah, people said it "won't be that bad" in 2016, but even with the guardrails, checks and balances, and Trump's inexperience, that term resulted in several preventable covid deaths, a supermajority far right supreme court that overturned several things including abortion (which Trump TAKES CREDIT FOR) and of course, the January 6 attack (which he still PRAISES and will pardon all the attackers when in office). Those guardrails won't even exist anymore next time, as now Trump will pick only loyalists in his cabinet, many of the moderate Republicans are leaving, and now Trump knows well what he's doing, and let's not forget about Project 2025 (And Republicans are ALREADY implementing some of it). People also said similar things about Hitler back in the 1930s as well, such as saying that it was "hyperbolic", laughing at him, or even saying that he "wouldn't be that bad", but we all know how that ended up. Yet ANOTHER world war and genocide towards targeted groups (such as Jews, the disabled, and LGBT).
One of the worst things about this is that many people are sleepwalking into it, or don't even care. The mass media isn't covering enough of this, but instead "Biden is old" or stuff like that, which isn't helping one bit (especially when owned by billionaires), and what's even worse is that many of these people won't even realize the danger that's coming until it's way too late. Even worse than that is that many people (Especially MAGA) are saying they'd prefer a dictatorship (though maybe not outright, though the fact that they support Putin is telling), and are saying that it's what America needs, and they (wrongly) believe that they will benefit from it. Not only that, a survey has revealed that Gen Z is actually leaning towards dictatorship as well. and not only that, Corporate America is starting to embrace the upcoming dictatorship. They believe they will benefit from it (they won't), being one of the reasons why the mass media won't report this enough. And not only that, it seems like NOTHING can stop him, not even a criminal trial (instead of opening the eyes of Maga, they will see him as being persecuted, meaning there is absolutely NOTHING that could open their eyes, they will never see him as someone who ONLY cares about himself, but as a savior, and i'm frightened by that.).
All of this will result in Trump winning the election (Which will be even more likely once he gets full immunity), and of course our democracy falling apart, the only belief system allowed being (their version of) Christianity, Ukraine being taken over by Putin, and a possible Civil War II (or even worse, WWIII, and a possible nuclear apocalypse). Even worse than that, Putin could take over the US and betray Trump as well (and we will be totally fucked), but if not then Trump may try to take over the world. History tells is that usually the only way to get rid of a dictator is by violence, and we don't want to get to that point, but unfortunately, it looks like its inevitable. Soon we may have to say goodbye to our rights and freedoms, and we will accept that we may lose some of our friends along the way, we may no longer be able to do whatever activities we enjoyed doing, as well as living in fear for a very long time. They also say that a loss of hope for our democracy could contribute to it, and admittedly, it's very hard to feel hopeful right now considering all of the factors, but there is still a little bit of hope. We can prepare for this, and make it so this is less likely,

1. Everyone should vote: Everyone who is allowed to vote should vote. The two party system sucks, and I'm not the biggest Biden fan, but I'm voting for him anyway, because he's the lesser of the two evils, especially when the only other major choice is trying to overthrow the government. I think a vote for a 3rd party candidate or someone else who isn't on the ballot is a vote for trump, please let's not repeat 2016.
2. Fight Voter suppression by supporting some non profit pro democracy groups, especially non partisan ones.
3. Fighting against the overturning, again by supporting the same organizations.
4. The people at the Capitol should be prepared for what will happen the next attack.

However, there is still only a slim chance that all of this will happen, but the best we can do right now is enjoy the time we have right now. We should enjoy the time we can enjoy the media we want, go to the places we want, be friends with who we want, and spend time with our family members (Especially if they are in the LGBT community or other marginalized communities, because the time we have with them may be numbered), and of course live our lives to the fullest, by doing the things that we take for granted (As long as it doesn't hurt anyone). And soon, it's very likely to go away, and it's a very hard lesson, that in order to keep freedom, we have to work hard to protect it. If all the preparation that us and some government officials can do fails, then what should we do. Accept what will happen to us or flee to another country and live in exile, don't say that you weren't warned. We don't want this to happen, we want to live in a country without always living in fear. So please try to help us. Especially if you actually care about your rights and freedom, or that of your friends and family (especially those who are in marginalized groups)

I finally, after about a year of playing, decided to take a pay out. I know everyone says $5 increments post almost immediately but dummy me cashed out $59 all in one go 🫠 I had it sent to my Venmo Mastercard. That was on Mother's Day. The payout has still not posted, it says 2 business days.
So, my question is, how long does it generally take in real-time for payouts to clear? And, how long do I wait before I start a support ticket?
I know these questions get asked all the time but, I'm wondering with the Canadian and Australian roll out if that's slowed down this process further?

How It Ended
by Ethan O’Driscoll
A thrilling Post apocalypse story
Intro
HRV-1
22 July 2024
Dr Olivia Warren Head of Biotech NARU
This is my latest report on the HRV-1 Virus we were instructed to design by the Russian Government.
The HRV-1 is an incredibly viral and infectious Retrovirus similar to HIV. Changes have been make on a genetic level to provide the request modes of transmission and symptoms.
Those symptoms are:

• Profuse bleeding from the mouth, eyes, lips, gums and pores of the skin
• Confusion
• Coma
• Total organ failure leading to death
• Reanimation after death and post-mortem hypo-aggression

This all included in a highly infectious package
The infection vectors are:

• bodily fluids
• contaminated area
• ANYTHING that has come in contact with infected bodily fluids
• airborne droplets

This is by far the most dangerous diseases we’ve ever designed. I pray to god the Russians only want it as a means of deterrent because if they use it I have no doubt it will end the world. The first sample should be ready to ship next week.
Chapter 1
The Outbreak
1 January 2025
Dr Olivia Warren Head of Biotech NARU
I can’t believe the bastards used it. The first cases came in from Kiev in December from there it spread like a wild fire through Europe the death toll now sits at 65 millions. The hordes rampage through city after city by the millions. There is no way to stop this. What have I done.
NATO forces have established a quarantine of Europe but I can’t help but feel like its too little too late. My estimate is that all infected nations in Europe will be consumed within the next month or two. The Corporation has started the construction of a company safe haven for us higher ups. All we can do is hope the construction is complete before this thing breaks quarantine.
15 February 2025
Dr Olivia Warren
The world is ending. Europe is gone. The quarantine is broken. We’ve got cases in Asia, South America, Here at home in the US, Australia and Africa nowhere is safe. I did this.
Infection number right now:

• Africa 100 Million
• Europe 890 Million
• Asia 250 Million
• North America 250 Thousand
• South America 120 Million
• Australia 24 Million

There is no hope
The safe zone is complete at least we are planning on moving all operations and personal within the week. I don’t know how I’m going to live with myself. Dixie is my only saving grace and at least she’ll be safe. I pray for the soul of all those my creation has killed.
20 March 2025
Dr Olivia Warren
Dixie is at the Safe zone.
I can’t live with myself any more. 4 billion people dead
Chapter 2
A New World
My name is Dixie Warren. Daughter of Dr Olivia Warren. Not that I’ve seen her in 15 years. I remember like it was yesterday. She told me to get on that NARU helicopter that she’d meet me at the safe zone. Those were the last words she ever said to me. I was 8 when the world ended.
Its been 15 years since the Outbreak. There isn’t really anything left of the old world. NARU still exists and turns out they created the virus and my mom was the head of the department that did it. They sold it to the Russians hoping they wouldn’t use it but they did.
It was specifically designed to spread and destroy as fast as possible and it did. I left the safe zone 2 years ago after I learned this information. Now I just spend my time wandering from town to town. My training on the NARU security team helps. At least I know all the best places to shoot a Freaker. That's what we call the infected and for good reason. Most of the time you’ll find them wondering around in groups of 5 to 10 if the group gets too big they turn on each other and form a pile of bodies devouring each other. They moan and scream to communicate and once they see you they will hunt you till you kill every last on of them or you get far enough away. They can run and are abnormally strong if there bodies aren’t damaged they’re a bitch to kill but I’m pretty good at it.
Right now I’m outside Richmond I’ve been stuck here for a week waiting for a large horde to move through. I’m hoping to hunt some of the stragglers and re-up on some supplies. A big horde like this usually leave a few hundred behind. My new AR has been waiting for some fun, I’ve got a new red dot and laser so I should be able to pop headshot after headshot but for now I should go find something to eat.
I’ve made it to a small department store outside the town. It looks like the horde is almost gone. Tons of freaks roaming around though. I can hear a few in the store. I’m going to try getting in through the back and take them out.
Made it back home and wow that store was a gold mine. I got food, water, bullets and even some whiskey. I’m going to enjoy the night then its time to hunt some stragglers. Then I’m thinking of going further south maybe New Orleans heard there might be a small settlement out there from another traveller, might be able to get another courier job or at least I’ll be able to stock up on supplies properly after all these years there isn’t much left in the cities to scavenge.
I better get some rest got a long day of freak killing and walking tomorrow.
Chapter 3
The Road to Home
I left Richmond yesterday. It’s a long road to New Orleans I wished I lived in the days when cars worked. NARU are the only people with working vehicles left and they aren’t exactly the sharing type. Its so lonely out here its been weeks since I last saw another living person the only things you see out here in the ruins are freaks by the hundreds. Its hard to believe the whole world was reduced to nothing by something my mom created. I remember her being the kindest most caring person in the world to think that she could create something so destructive is unbelievable. I’ve still got a long way to go the first city I should have to go through is Raleigh.
I’ve been walking for about a day and I can see the ruins from here. Its always so surreal to see the cities now, so desolate so empty. I remember growing up in Seattle, the city lights, the noise it was always so alive and busy. Now they’re all empty husks or mostly empty at least can’t forget about the freaks. Must’ve killed a thousand of them on my way here almost got bitten when one jumped me under an overpass about 10 miles back. Luckily my machete seems to be as good as ever at cutting up freaks. I should make it to Raleigh within the day.
Made it to Raleigh and its a mess, thousands of freaks I could hear the moaning and screaming from a mile away. I’m going to try finding my way around the city no point in trying to fight my way through a wall of freaks.
Heard crying coming from a house I walked past I decided to check it out and I found a young boy name Richie hiding in a bathroom with what looked like his infected parents trying to break the door down. I took both of them down with a clean headshot. The look on his face when he saw them dead breaks my heart. He says they’ve been hiding out in this house for a month or two after there homestead was overrun by freaks. Its a sad story but it gives me hope that people are at least trying to survive and rebuilt. He’s only 16 yet he’s seen so much and has nowhere else to go so I asked him if he wanted to stick with me and he was elated so I guess I’ve got a sidekick now. I’m not complaining should make the long lonely road more interesting. He’s got no combat experience but he can shoot a pistol so I gave him one of my backups at least I always carry extra. We’ve decided to hunker down for the night and do some scavenging before we leave for Charlotte tomorrow. I’ll be nice to have company for once I’ve been alone for so long.
I woke up to a gunshot and Richie screaming in the other room. When I got there I found Richie pale as snow and a little girl that was clearly infected shot lying on the floor. When I asked Richie who it was he replied in a cold distant voice “My little sister”. It was a heart breaking moment in less than 24 hours Richie had lost everyone. That was a feeling I knew too well my mom was all I had my dad died when I was really young and all I knew after the Outbreak before I left the safe haven was NARU but that wasn’t the best place to build personal connections just a bunch of science types that destroyed the world. Not exactly the most social lot and the security forces were just a bunch of military types that didn’t like the fact that as a teenager I was doing better than them in every metric except raw physical strength but even in that I was better than a lot of them. It’s almost time for us to get going I should pack up and make sure Richie’s okay.
We decided to stop by the old gun store on our way out of Raleigh. Richie mentioned seeing it when him and his dad went out to scavenge one time. He says it looked all locked up meaning there’s a good chance that there might still be something left to take. When we arrived there Richie was right it was locked tight it looked like there might be a way in from the roof so we decided to climb up when I got up there I was jumped by a freak that was just waiting but this one was different smarter in a way it heard me climbing up but instead of screaming and jumping off to get me it decided to hide and wait. In my years of freak killing I’ve never seen one that waits and ambushes. I hope this isn’t a sign that the infected are getting smarter. Anyway Richie popped it in the head and we got in to the gun store and what a find it was. I managed to get a brand new Glock 9 with a torch attachment and extended mag to replace the pistol I gave Richie. Speaking of Richie he decided on a 12 gauge pump with a tube extension and a AR-15 with a suppressor, extended mag and front grip. We also found enough ammo to keep us stocked even if we have to shoot our way to Charlotte now that we’re locked and loaded its time to leave this shit hole and start walking to the next shit hole at least for once I won’t be alone.
Chapter 4
The Road to Charlotte
We’d been walking for 60 miles before we were jumped by a gang of thugs. I caught a round to the leg before I knew what was happening Richie was more awake than me and managed to put a round through the bastards chest before his friends jumped out from behind two cars in front of us we managed to take cover behind a ruined car and we returned fire. I could see the thugs had no skill they just fired randomly in our direction while we were in cover I waited till they had to reload and tossed a molotov at one of them burning the bastard to a crisp. Richie rushed the other and unloaded some buckshot into his head. My leg hurts like a bitch. Richie bandaged it up for me he’s really starting to get used to life on the road. Looking at our map it looks like there is a gas station about 10 miles away so I guess I’ll limp my way there so we can hunker down while me leg heals. I still can’t believe I let the bastard catch me lacking but it won’t happen again
We made it too the gas station. The place looks almost perfectly preserved except the group of freaks that were shuffling around outside nothing that we couldn’t deal with. There is a lot of food and water here and we should be safe here while my leg heals. I hope we don’t run into any more problems till then. I trust Richie but he’s still learning and I’m not sure he’d be able to deal with any major problem on his own.
Its been 4 weeks since I took that shot to my leg and I’m feeling a lot better. Richie managed to find some painkiller so he was able to get the round out and everything healed nicely. He really is an amazing guy young and naive but he really is a good person. I don’t know how I did it without him for so long. It nice not being alone any more. I think I’m ready to get moving again we have about another 100 miles left to go before we get to Charlotte so we better get moving.
We’re about 20 miles from Charlotte, the roads been peaceful we ran into a group of survivors living on a pretty well fortified farm about 25 miles back. They were having issues with some freaks hanging around their water pumping station so we dealt with them for them in exchange for some antibiotics to help with an infection Richie got in his leg where he cut himself jumping a fence while a freak chased him before I could dome it. Only god knows how I didn’t get an infection in my leg after getting shot but he did from cutting himself on a rusty fence guess I’m just lucky. After helping them back we continued on our way. Nothing else interesting happened and Richie is looking a lot better and his cut is basically healed. We should get to Charlotte within the day but I want to stop on a hill on the Outskirts to set up base and get a look at the situation in the city because the farmers mentioned that a horde had passed through recently and they usually get held up in cities they should have moved on by now but better safe than sorry
Chapter 5
Charlotte
We made it to the hill outside Charlotte and the place is infested millions of freaks. I’ve never seen so many of them in one place and I think I know why. In the middle of the city is an old NARU emergency treatment centre. A place where all of the cities first infected were sent. A good plan till there were to many of them and quarantine was broken then all it was was a collection of infected right in the middle of the city which lead to the whole thing being infected much faster. I’m guessing this caused most of the freaks to pile and the smell was attracting more. Oh I forgot to mention the smell imagine a pile of thousands of rotting corpses that’s the smell I’m talking about. There’s no chance we’ll be able to get through the city but I need to get to that NARU site. There might be some old documents or something about my mom I need to find out what happened to her. I’ve spoken to Richie and we both agree that we should try and divert the horde away so we can have time to get to the NARU centre.
Richie has volunteered to draw the hordes attention away while I get to the NARU building. The plan is he triggers an explosion at an old gas station on the other side of town while I get to the building and look for information about the virus and what happened to my mom. All I know is that my mom created the virus while working for NARU. I need to find out what happened to her. I hate putting Richie at risk but it needs to be done.
I just heard the explosion and it works thousands of freaks started moving like a tidal wave of flesh towards the sound I hope Richie is on his way to the meeting place at the abandoned NARU checkpoint on the south side of town but I don’t have time to think about it now I’m almost at the NARU centre I need to be as fast as possible
I made it to the NARU centre and it’s covered in bodies there’s no way I can get in it looks more like a pile of living human corpses than a building I’m guessing the freaks all turned on and consumed each other till they were all stuck and fused together. I’m making my way to the NARU checkpoint I hope Richie is already there and safe.
I made it to the NARU checkpoint and reunited with Richie. He was covered in blood and gore. He had to kill hundreds of freaks to make it here. He says he was almost bitten a few times. I can’t believe I risked his life for nothing. I’ll never do it again. While exploring the place I found this.
20 March 2025
Dr Olivia Warren
Dixie is at the Safe zone.
I can’t live with myself any more. 4 billion people dead
The final communication between my mom and NARU it turns out she couldn’t live with the guilt and decided to kill herself. I can’t blame her I would probably do the same if I was the reason the world ended and killed billions of people but it still breaks my heart. I am happy to know she’s dead and not infected lumbering around somewhere.
Richie is exhausted and so am I were going to take a brake here and continue on to Atlanta tomorrow.
Everything is packed up and we’re ready to go. Last night was rough I kept watch while Richie slept I hate to admit it but I think I’m falling in love with him. I never really had a first love I live for 13 years at NARU but I was the oldest kid there by far by the time any of the boys were close to my age I was already jaded and thinking about leaving so I didn’t pay any attention to them but Richie is different when I found him he was so helpless and lost now he’s strong, confident and he’s so loyal to me. I don’t want to speak to soon by I think he might feel the same way I guess time will tell we still have a long road to walk together. Speaking of walking Atlanta here we come.
Chapter 6
Road to Atlanta
We ran into a group of survivors hiding in a shed on the outskirts of Charlotte on our way home two parents and a little girl they were all bitten and waiting to turn they begged us to put them down before they turned so I did but I think it took a toll on Richie. He’s been almost silent since it must’ve reminded him of his parents and little sister I hope the day never comes that one of us get bitten and the other one has to decide whether or not to do it but if it does I hope Richie has what it takes to put me down if not I hope I get to do it myself before I turn but I shouldn’t be thinking about things like that. Thinking about your own death is a pretty sure-fire way to make it happen.
We ran into a pretty large group of infected must’ve been about 20 of them but all of them behaved the same as the one that jumped me on the roof of the gun store back in Raleigh. I guess that confirms that it wasn’t a once off thing but I still wonder what causes it maybe I’ll find out one day. We took them all down and continued on I hate to admit it but I really enjoy killing freaks call it therapy I guess. Richie is running low on ammo for his 12 gauge. There should be a gun store in about 30 miles so we should be able to restock there. My ammo supplies are also running a bit low only got about a hundred rounds per gun left. I know that sounds like a lot but with all the freaks on the roads it barely enough after Raleigh I had about a 500 per gun. Lets hope we don’t run into any large hordes till we get to the gun store.
We made it to the gun store just to find it controlled by 2 less than friendly guys. They opened fire as soon as they same us. We returned fire and we’re about to enter the store. Richie kicked the door down and I rushed in I let of two shots taking down the one guy the other was a second away from filling me with bullets from his Uzi but luckily Richie put a round through his chest and another through his right eye before he could. Thank god. I don’t know what I would do without him. We’ve decided to rest tonight and continue tomorrow morning.
Dixie: “Hey Richie”
Richie: “Hey Dixie”
Dixie: ”How you feeling buddy”
Richie: ”Oh you know always OK”
Dixie: ”That’s good buddy”
Richie: “Hey Dixie thank you for everything you really are the best thing that ever happened to me”
Dixie: ”Don’t mention it buddy I love you”
We’re almost 20 miles away from Atlanta and I’m not hopeful judging by smell. I’m guessing its going to be a lot worse than Charlotte but we’ll have to wait and see.
We’ve made it to the outskirts of Atlanta and its as bad as I thought there are hundreds of body piles almost the size of buildings. The living freaks move around the city streets like blood through the veins of the body. Some of them are engaged in massive fights with other groups ripping each other apart.
We’re going in tomorrow but for now Richie’s hunting while I scope out the area. I hope he brings some venison anything but rabbit. I’m sick of rabbit meat. When he comes back I want to try and cuddle up to him and see what happens
Richie and I have eaten and we’re getting ready to sleep. I asked Richie if I could sleep in his sleeping bag with him. He looked at me like I was crazy but once I insisted I was serious I could see the joy on his face so we cuddled up for the night and went to sleep
Wow it felt so amazing sleeping in Richie’s arms and today everything feels different but in a good way everything just feels more intimate we had an amazing conversation about life this morning and it feels like our bond is on a whole new level. Its time to go explore Atlanta there should be an old NARU field hospital on the North-side of town but we’ve got a whole city to get through before that.
Chapter 7
Atlanta
Atlanta is a nightmare right now we’re stuck in a pharmacy bunch of freaks trying to get to us. I’m busy wiring up a pipe bomb while Richie holds the door then when I’m done BOOM
Richie Move....
BOOM....
Well that’s one way to deal with freaks. Always hate being covered in gore though. We’re near the city centre now and its as bad as we thought the place is infested with freaks every building, street and alley we’ve been fighting for every mile we’ve been moving basically carving our way through the city leaving streets flooded in blood but its worth it I can see the NARU hospital and it looks like I might be able to get in this time.
We’re Exploring the NARU hospital and its a goldmine I found a bunch of old documentation on the virus and even some reports of small towns keeping quarantine for years after the Fall. There’s also apparently an old supply and weapons depot nearby so were going there next.
Richie has been opening up a lot his little sister was out playing when a freak got her. Her parents couldn’t put her down so she turned and bit them he hid in the bathroom for 2 days before I got there and put then out of the misery. I wish I could understand how he feels because I never had anyone except my mom and I lost her so young so it never really affected me. I love him so much. This would be so difficult without him.
We made it to the NARU supply depot and it basically empty I mean it make sense Atlanta was one of the first city to fall due to vast number of infected that moved in from the nearby NARU detention camp. That was a bright idea locking up a bunch infected in one place and expecting the place to last. So the city fell to chaos pretty quickly and NARU withdrew most likely taking everything with them that or it was looted after the city fell doesn’t matter now its almost night and we should get some rest we’re going to camp on a nearby rooftop.
Sitting on the roof with Richie and a fire I can’t help but feel like life isn’t that bad yeah its not what it used to be but I mean I have food and freedom and someone I love what more could someone want from life. Looking out at the desolate streets full of freaks well except the streets we pushed through I see the death of the old world and the birth of a new one.
I should get to sleep we got a long road to Birmingham tomorrow. Its so warm and cosy pressed up against Richie.
Chapter 8
The Road To Birmingham
On our way out of Atlanta we ran into a huge freak and I mean a huge motherfucker must’ve been at least 10 feet tall and covered in muscle it looked like it was made of at least 5 other freaks. He tossed Richie against a car and knocked him out I managed to chop one of its arms off before it threw me 10 feat in the air and I crashed down on my back and passed out when I woke up Richie was putting round after round in the things chest and it still wouldn’t go down to I ran jumped on its back and used my machete to chop the freaks head off and burnt the body with a molotov just to be sure the thing was dead
Richie was pretty beat up and I’m not going to lie so was I my back hurts like a bitch but we keep on going no matter what because we still have each other. Still I wonder how those freaks got combined into that thing. Maybe that’s why they pile the way they do so they can combine into something bigger I remember something in one of the NARU document mentioning the virus being able to cause “cellular recombination” so I wonder if that’s not maybe what happened and if it is it means things are about to get a lot worse and a lot more dangerous.
We’re about 50 miles always from Birmingham now. The road has been pretty quite only the occasional group of freaks and the group of raiders we ran into outside a gas station awhile back but this time we got the drop on them and not the other way round gave all three of them a new hole in the head Richie was worried that they might be survivors till we found Sandra tied up in the gas station bathroom turns out the bastards grabbed her from her family farm during the night a few days ago and have been taking turns on her over and over since then. We agreed to take her home its the least we could do after everything that happened to her. When we got her home we found the place burnt down and her family butchered outside. I’m guessing after they grabbed her the bastards came back to finish the job. She’s decided to stick with us she’s a lot older than me and Richie. She used to be a nurse before the Outbreak she dealt with some of the first infected until NARU took over the hospitals. When things really started to go bad she moved back to Alabama to her old family farm to live with her parents they managed to set everything up before the Fall and have been living there since well till recently. She’s pretty shook about the whole situation but she should be okay in a day or two. We’ve all lost something in this new world.
We’ve made it to the outskirts of Birmingham and the place is a fortress looks like remnants of the US military and NARU have fortified the place they have watch towers, auto-turrents and armed patrols. Also looks like they have a lot of military hardware. I know better than to approach the main gate NARU has a shoot on site order for all there quarantine zones no reason to assume this place would be any different. Still I have to get a look inside. Tonight while Richie and Sandra set up camp I’m going to look around and see if I can find a way in. I have to know what’s going on here.
I’ve taken a look around and I’ve found a way in through an old sewer pipe running into an old factory from there I should be able to sneak into the city and have a look around maybe they have some new information on the virus or at least I should be able to find some weapons for Sandra
Chapter 9
Birmingham
Richie and Sandra are waiting for me back at camp while I go explore the city. I left most of my kit behind except my Glock and combat knife. I’m not planning on getting into any fights and if I do I want the finished as quickly as possible. I’ve made it to the sewer pipe it should lead me to the sewer grate I saw on the other side of the fence from there I should have free reign over the city as long as I avoid the NARU patrols and don’t draw to much attention to myself.
I’ve made it into the city and it looks like something out of a George Orwell novel. Security cameras on every street, I’ve seen security forces beat a man to death and another group drag a young women kicking and screaming into an abandoned building. I hate to say it but I think life is better outside with the freaks than in here. Can’t say I’m surprised there’s a reason I left the NARU security forces and the safe zone. Lets just say civilian life and happiness has never been on their priority list. I can see a NARU supply depot I should be able to get a uniform and standard load out last I remember NARU doesn’t have a way of removing employees from the database so my security id number should still work.
I was right NARU never changes I just used my id to get a brand new NARU-P-2a NARU's home grown assault rifle basically its everything the AR-15 is but better its literally a gun made for killing freaks and you can feel it. I always wished I stole one when I left but I guess better late than never I also scanned through a few of the latest security reports and it seems like big guys like we fought back in Atlanta are becoming more common as well as a new faster infected with razor sharp claws that hunt and ambush their victims. We haven’t ran into one of those yet and I hope we don’t any time soon. I hope Richie and Sandra are okay, they should be we have no shortage of fire-power but I still worry. I’m going to keep taking a look around and maybe find out how they’ve maintained quarantine for so long
Well I got my answer and its not a good one. The NARU higher ups here basically outlawed being sick. Anyone with any symptoms that might be HRV-1 are immediately executed and burnt without exception I guess that’s one way to maintain quarantine but I can’t help but wonder how many thousands of innocent people have died to maintain it.
I think its about time I get out of here and back to Richie and Sandra.
I made it back to camp. I’m so happy to be back with Richie. He went out hunting and brought back a nice fat wild pig for dinner. Sandra is looking a lot better as well she still has that distant look in her eye but that should go away soon
Next stop Montgomery Alabama.
Chapter 10
The Road to Montgomery
I still can’t get it out of my head. The freaks are changing getting more dangerous, if I understand correctly the longer they are infected the more unstable the virus gets leading to mutations. I hope this doesn’t mean that the longer we survive the harder its going to get but there’s no point in worrying about whether or not the freaks are going to be stronger in the future as long as we make sure we get stronger too it should work out just fine. Richie and I are doing really well our love kinda makes everything a lot easier. Gives us a reason if that makes sense Sandra on the other hand is kinda dead weight if I’m being honest but its not her fault. She’s been through a lot Richie and I do our best to look out for her and take care of her. I just wish she’d start to adjust to life out here she still winches every time we take out a group of freaks or thugs and she’s a bleeding heart. Yesterday as we were going past a little abandoned convenience store we heard a little girl crying when we asked what was wrong she said they were trapped and needed help. It was obviously a trap we could see the store was fortified and the little girl looked too happy for a kid whose parents were stuck and dying but Sandra insisted we go in and help and what do you know the kids parents are perfectly healthy and holding us at gun point luckily I’m pretty quick on the draw and managed to put two rounds through the fathers chest and Richie tackled the mom. I walked up to the big dude and put one through the head to make sure the mom learns her lesson. We agreed to let her and her daughter live as long as the promised to stop robbing travellers. Sandra couldn’t handle the fact that I finished the dad off even though I think that was better than leaving his family to watch him bleed out because there was no way he would have survive I shot him through both of his lungs they would have filled up with blood and he would have chocked to death I did him a favour by putting him down but she didn’t see it that way even threatened to go it on her own until Richie and I told her to go ahead if she really thought it was the best thing for her. She then decided to stick with us
We’re nearly at the outskirts of Montgomery, we just passed the old civil rights monument. The roads been a bit too still I have a bad feeling about what we’re going to find when we get there

This is an update to a previous post I made that I can’t seem to link. I am a window & Gutters cleaner, whilst full time in my van. I recently offered an opportunity to people in this community to make money anytime in their own time. Now I almost have a 6 weekly window cleaning round that I am trying to push to an 8 weekly, now this involves door knocking and speaking to people to get more customers (it’s has always been this way, I’m 20 years in the trade) I’m now very comfortable with approaching people but I can only do so much whilst keeping my business going. So we offer you the full amount of any first clean carried out to whoever provides us the work, now I’m not surprised that this spooks a lot of people entering properties and speaking to householders, but this form of work I’m offering was mentioned alongside the likes of a Ponzi schemes. I’ll be honest now, the only catch in this form of what some would call “sales” is that you have to be HARD mentally, confident, consistent, positive and this comes and goes.. me and my co worker like to call it our “mojo”. Sometimes one of us hasn’t got our mojo but we keep going and we always guarantee to pick up the work, despite how we are feeling. So anyway for the ones who said this form of work isn’t “lucrative” for my fellow vanlifers, today having dropped my wife and son off at the airport at 2am i arrived into a familiar area in my home on wheels a little late in the morning, so I decided not to go out and clean windows, instead I said this afternoon would be dedicated to canvassing. 12pm - 8pm to be precise me and my coworker went to work, on a whim. So what did the 2 of us pick up? With myself running on 3 hours sleep and zero mojo? So we basically threw a dart at the map at this point and the first stranger we knocked was soon a new customer before we knew it we had a cuppa in both our hands and she had my Boston terrier running around her house
That’s £40 every 8 weeks guaranteed and booked in starting Monday, good start. Old brown mini estate in the drive, wont forget that one!
After some pottering around some lanes less than an hour later, another old MINI! In the drive! What are the chances? Another £60 booked in every 8 weeks starting Monday. Thats now £100 of new work. ( this householder here, very well off, paid for the actual equipment us windows cleaners use and the top of the range gutter vacuum that our cleaning industry use, £1000s in the best equipment and still booked in our 8 weekly service because none of this cleaning business is as straight forward as you think)
Now some more searching, knocking, soliciting went by before we found a chicken farm that employs 30 people. Cut a long story short £55 booked in on an 8 weekly basis, again…starting Monday.
Now at this point my mojo was taking a pounding, the mental barrier was strong on 3 hours sleep, why? Because the previous jobs were booked in by my co worker, he was on fire. What was I running on? About 5 “will let you know” jobs that gives your mojo a good kicking whilst it’s down.
But as always you do get there in the end, I got a bungalow booked in. His wife just recently told him this week that he needs to get a window cleaner but he told me himself “I wasn’t gonna go and find a window cleaner so I just thought I would wait until One comes to me” So what does that tell you? they’re expecting you to knock on the door and I did! £22 on the round booked in , 8 weekly. Monday. ladies and gentlemen!
So here we are four jobs deep into our notepads. My coworker can’t pass a pub so we had a break. But myself with my Mojo in tatters needed some extra reviving so I carried on alone. I took Blue, my Boston terrier with me and carried on knocking doors. (Rejection was definitely happening) so I came across this fabulous new build with Glass balconies galore, I had to try but all I could tell myself is “now this guy has already got a window cleaner”but no before you know it £80 job booked in 8 weekly. Starting when? You got it Monday. So I gave him my YouTube channel just to verify that I’m not just a stranger, but I’m actually very good at my job and take it seriously. Did I forget to mention I have a YouTube channel and TikTok to verify and back me up? I won’t promote it here but DM me if you have any questions.
But we are not finished yet after my coworker had a couple of pints we moved on did a little more but I don’t wanna make this too long so I’ll say we picked up another £15 House and an £18 house and called it a day and I didn’t even mention our fish and chips break.
I concede it was eight hours work, but it was a very chilled out eight hours work that involved a pub break, fish and chips and numerous dog walks. So just having conversations and driving. What does the total bring us to? Going off the top of my head I know the sum was £295 so I have missed £5 somewhere. But there you have it two people without even hardly trying picked up £295 worth of work. For you crazy, wonderful van lifers who are willing to give anything a go… that’s £142.50 each person in the bank. Is that lucrative? For a van lifer I’d say so but I’m out of touch with the real world is that even a wage these days? Anyway could be more not often less in our experience! I didn’t even mention the householders who pulled out the “I will let you know” card or “I’ll ask the other half” because IF they all called me back your looking at £150 again to be added. Lets see if they do
So what do you need to start? A voice, pen and paper.
I’m only saying this because I see many ask “what do you all do for money?”
Well, this is me personally offering you cash in the bank. I can tell you how you could just try it out for an hour a day a week a month it’s up to you. You don’t have to do anything at all. You don’t have to bother but I’m telling you, it’s worth your time to know about this so you can earn money on the road at any time.
I’ve got all the tricks to pick up new customers and I have the lingo and I am an introvert so don’t tell me it can’t be done. You can do it. Anyone can do it
I even pay £10 per gutter clean and they are even easier to pick up.
I totally understand the hesitation. But like I said, you can say what you like…This is a legitimate exchange for time and money. It would only take you one day to find out with nothing to lose. The only thing stopping you from making money this way is your attitude and approach to it and I know it seems I’m on my high horse about this.. but really I would like to help anyone who wants to know more and of course I get something out of it (growing my client base) but I will continue to push you where the money is if you ever need it. Like I said i have a YouTube you could take a look at you could see I’m busy cleaning windows and Gutters satisfying customers all day every day, don’t get much time to talk to people door-to-door but still do it every day no problem. I do it every day no problem just with what little time I have left to do it.
Thanks for taking time to read this. I am just offering you some way to earn cash and if you needed it I would train you and show you and pay you in person for a day a week or a month even I a few DM’s. It’s up to you.. It’s up to you. Simple!
Try me!
Here below is the old post with the nose up neysayers below. They don’t know any better, it’s fine!

Long story short, found a really talented writer who’s GMing (literally told them that I didn’t want them to) a world that SEEMS fleshed out (I think they’re making shit up as they go. They also have this crazy need for control for whatever they say goes regardless of what I want or might suggest), but they’re legit one of the rudest person I’ve ever written with in my 9 years of writing.
For starters, anytime I ask a question about something they get upset about it like I’m supposed to magically know. But when I asked for confirmation they refuse to give it to me or get pissy. When discussing refs for our characters, we spent an entire DAY because I had sent my refs and explicitly asked to see theirs. So they sent a bunch and I wasn’t too keen on any of them being paired with any of mine. It took them several hours to tell me that they had sent those refs for my character instead of theirs, and got annoyed when I shared I assumed they were for them because they only sent them after I asked for their ref.
But today, I’m nearing my limit. So it was going fine until it wasn’t. My character had finished fighting something with a SWORD to the THROAT so I described the blood that ran down the blade and out of the wound. Because of course, blood would be spewing out of a neck stab wound. But nope, they reply in another channel “Did I describe the blood?”.
So of course I asked “Would it not bleed?”.
And they reply with “They do but not there.” (For starters how the freak does its brain get blood then?)
So I was going to send quite a sassy reply but I opted to just say “I wasn’t aware of that.” Because again, they literally refuse to tell me anything.
They replied with “I can tell”. Like it’s my fault.
But it gets better. So we’re discussing my character’s rank in the military of this specific world and they keep making it seem like I chose a wrong branch or something so I scroll up and see that they’ve obviously edited the message to something entirely different. Where the role for my character (a frail, underweight character) is a “tank”. And a new rank had been added that has the description of the role I chose previously, alongside something that was set to be a given to them regardless.
So of course I bring it up, knowing the message had been edited. But I still took the initial step to take accountability for the off chance I did misread it and they say.
“You want to play with me with reading comprehension like that?” 😐as I’m typing this in typing a departing message because there’s no reason to be this rude. It’s a classic case of “I’m an above average roleplayer so I can be rude to anyone I don’t deem as an equal.”

I am planning a 2-day hiking trip to Big Bear soon, after the snow gets lighter, perhaps near Memorial Day. I'd like to go on a hike on each of those 2 days. Things I am looking for include:

• 5 to 15 mile length
• No more than 3000 feet elevation change, less is better
• Dog friendly. If my dog can go off leash, that is a bonus
• I especially enjoy pine forest and meadow terrain. Best of all is when there are lakes or water sources along the route. Campgrounds are often found in such areas.
• Views from high elevation are okay, but not a priority for me. I'm more concerned with the other 90+% of the hike that does not have the views from high elevation.
• I prefer packed ground or grass terrain. I do not like terrain with loose or sharp rocks, such as gravel.
• I do not like walking on dirt roads. I want trails.
• Less crowded is better
• I prefer to avoid cyclists
• I enjoy seeing animals in their natural habitat, aside from rattlesnakes

​
Some possible options are below. Are there any of these or others that you would or would not recommend?

• Champion Lodgepole via Castle Rock trail and surrounding forest at top -- I've gone on this hike ~4 years ago and enjoyed it. Most people seem to prefer the Castle Rock portion. I wasn't as impressed with the rock, as much as was at the top with scenic lake and surrounding forest at the top. I would have enjoyed spending more time at the top and may repeat.
• Pine Knot to Grand View -- I also enjoyed this one. The forest area along the way up was really nice. I continued along the skyline trail at the top, which was just okay -- more rocky and less forest. I plan to skip it this time.
• Cougar Crest: 5 miles, 800ft elev -- Seems okay, wary about the many comments that mention terrain being "rocky".
• Grays Peak -- 7 miles, 1200ft elev -- Seems okay, doesn't have quite as good reviews as the other trails listed above
• Bertha Peak -- 7.5 miles, 1400ft elev -- Seems okay, a few comments mention rocky, but not as much as Cougar Crest. I prefer the pictures from Bertha Peak to Cougar Crest and Grays Peak by a small margin.
• Crafts Peak -- 7 miles, 1600 elev -- I prefer the pictures to any of the crest/peak trails above by a good margin. I also expect it will be much less crowded. Unfortunately it is located out of the way in Green Valley Lake. I expect I'll have a lot more total driving on winding roads to get there, even if I stop as a break on the way there/back.
• Jenks Lake + South Fork to Dry Lake: 11-15 miles, 2300+ft elev -- This would probably be my number one choice in 2020. I like how I can combined forest with lakes, and it being in a less crowded area. However, post-2020 pictures show a lot of burned forest areas, which I am not as fond of. I'm not sure if people just like to take pictures of the burned forest areas, or if it's going to be like that the whole way. These trails are off the 38. If I go to big bear on the 38 instead of the CA-18, it will add another 20 minutes to the drive. However, the 38 looks less winding than the 18. I am prone to motion sickness, and would gladly add another 20 minutes, if it meant fewer winding roads. It also could be a pleasant way to break up the long drive.

He is a business owner. He makes enough to cover his rent and basic bills ( although he pays them late) but is also not making any effort on his own to make more money so we can do fun things (go on dates, eat out, or even just have a savings). I'm very understanding because he deals with some mental health. But recently I've been having rough conversations with him; I'm asking if he should not just go back to the workforce since business is not working out enough. He doesn't want to do this or just wants to take minimum wage jobs. He’s of the opinion that he’s paying rent and basic bills and that since I cover everything else (including lending him money for fun; that’s all he needs)
I've even created a resume for him, and applied to places I think he would fit. I stopped doing this recently because I’m not his mom. I don’t get birthday, anniversary or any gifts. When he does extra money for projects he spends it on himself. It's been months of him telling me he will do stuff but he spends the day fucking around at home (and drinking) after doing business.
I feel misled and also feel like a man of this age should be a bit more responsible for himself. He talks about our future and marriage but l've never been less attracted to him. If this is my future with him I don’t want it. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable about my requests and I don’t care what job he does as long as it’s a working job that pays bills on time. Conversations aren’t working because he says what I want to hear but there’s no action. I can’t live by myself or move back home because I moved out here to be with him and this is also my first serious/long term relationship. I’m just really frustrated and don’t know where to go from here. How do I get him to try more?

Hi im called Rich. Im a 31 year old guy living with my demented grandmother. She is 95 years old. Ive been living and taking care of her since i was 17 agter my mom passed away. I dont have a father since he died when i was 3 months old. Living with my grandmother is hell. Abuse after abuse. She is also a narcissistic person but the dementia made her worse. She also has alzheimers and forgets stuff. Alot of stuff but does not forget faces and names yet. We are currently homeless but arein the process of goign into our new home which has 2 bedrooms. We previously lived in a 1 bedroom apartment and i had to dleep right nextto her everyday. Not something i wanted but it was needed considering our situation we were in back when looking for a home fast.
We are currently at my aunts house whos grandmas daughter and she has done things to help us while i was taking care of grandma. It was actually her responsibility to do it but because i was living with grandma and i was only 17 and didnt know much of what to do, i stayed with grandma till one day i said i had enough. I have cried for years to her and others abiut this but never really took her away from me. I didnt have a job because she kept saying i didnt have tocause she pays for everything which i always was grateful for and her teChing me how to cook etc and didnt want me to leave her so i didnt get a job for a long time due to living with her, preventing me from working on myself jobwise.
Im a shy guy so that can explain why too but also because grandma has instilled fear in me. Fear of people. And wanted to keep using me as a puppet. I would help her with evwrything i could yet she would still find ways to make me a bad guy. My life got worse to the point i wanted to even commit suicide but i did not because i needed to keep telling myself to not give into those thoughts that everything will get better.
Forward to now, like i said we are gonna be moving into our new home. Ill be getting my own bedroom finally after years of not owning one and that makes me realt happy cause i get my privacy finally. I am also going thru therapy because of the abuse i ealt with for years coming from grandma. All mental abuse. She has been diagnosed with dementia and alzheimer and im doing all the best i can to keep us afloat so we wont run out of money for food etc that we need. Thanks to my therapy i have managed to be better,control my emotions better and not react to her complaints.
We are dealing with my aunt because we are in her house for 3 weeks till our new home us ready since we had to leave the previous one, who is her daughter, not having much patience for her own mother the way i have patience for grandma. I believe its because in her childhood grandma has done things towards her daughter that made her have this sort of a rage towards her and still to this day. She does not like us being here but we had nowhere else to go and it is for only 3 weeks till the house i ready and so far we have been dealing with clashes between those 2 and im really tired.
Im posting this as more of a rant cause i know what to do and that is moving into the new place which is gonna be 10x better than before and i can actually now focus on working on jobs much better. Its jsut that i want my want to be more patient with her mother because she is demented and forgets a lot. Especially around money and cannot handle that anymore and ive been the one to be doing it for years.
Thanks to my therapy and being able to contrl my anger and my other emotions better, ive als decided to forgive my grandma for everythign shes done. I know its hard to still be with her but i have a more of an open mind abiut this now that im going thru therapy and it makes me think much clearly now and ahead.
My aunt wanted to throw her in a home against her will and i was not ok with that because i wanted to give her the professional help she needs and help her get into a daycare so she can havemore people to talk to andbe less lonely. My aunt did not like that at first but because everyone else agrees with me on this, she had no choice but now she wants to put rules and stuf yet she wasnt the one that took her mother in her home and took csre of her. It was all on me to do it because she saw the chance that she didnt have to take care of her herself and that i was wiling, she threw it all on me. So now im dealng with my aunt trying to make all these rules and things and even insulting me saying im not fit for takign care of grandma yet she is the one with all this rage towards her own mother.
I really feel like my aunt needs therapy at this point to help her with the rage but i cant force her in any way to do it and i will never do that. Its all on her now and i hope that during the time we are in her house she can be more patient with her mother and me. We pay her for food and power and water already which is no issue. The issue is the clashes between these two and its annoying me.

let me just preface this by saying if you take the time to read this all and respond, thank you so much. i really appreciate it. sorry its so long
Ok so, to start off I think ive always had a sort of idealistic view regarding love and romance. i always wanted to meet some guy that i get super close to and then we start dating just because he happens to be gay or bi, the way straight people are able to find their partners. that to me feels like the actual way to find someone. ive tried dating apps and things before, but ive never gone past pure hookups/one night stands because i just hate the idea of seeking out a relationship so badly. it always has just felt wrong to me and i didnt like trying to make genuine connections over apps. and i honestly dont feel that strong of a desire to be in a relationship generally.
but i started to think that if i didnt want to be single for my entire life id have to suck it up and settle. i still couldnt bring myself to actually try on the apps though, but i thought my problems might have been solved when i met my current best friend. ive never been as close to anyone before as i am to him right now. we just vibe perfectly. were the exact same in the places where it matters but different in all the places that make the relationship exciting. we can talk forever about anything, and best of all, he's actually bi (although only out to me).
earlier this semester he pretty much singlehandedly saved me from a pretty dark place. i transferred to our current school, and as such it was much harder to make friends. i had people i talked to but it was mostly just acquaintances/drinking buddies. i was really lacking a serious friend group and it was starting to get to me. but he started dragging me to literally everything he went to, and basically forcefully adopted me into his group lol. and i genuinely love this friend group, i feel like i finally found my people. but that's not all im talking about when i say he saved me from a dark place. we met while pledging for a frat together, although i ended up dropping. someone else we were pledging with ended up finding out i was gay and developed some bizarre homophobic obsession with me that followed into second semester. my friend ended up dealing with him for me and even got him kicked out of a club he joined that we both were already in.
since then, he's done a lot of other things purely to take care of me/solve my problems. ive never had a friend like that before. ive gotten the chance to stand up for him now once which makes me happy i could repay some of what hes done but id like to be able to do more. regardless i think its helped make us even closer.
he started sleeping at my place a lot. we started meeting up before any event and showing up together. i started developing feelings. i didnt want a relationship generally, but i really wanted one with him. it was different. but i knew i had to make a move soon or he would get snatched up by some girl. just speaking bluntly, he's super hot and there was a grace period here since he had recently gotten out of a long term relationship.
one night i left a party early because i was feeling sick and he called and asked if he could just leave too and come watch a movie with me or something. i ended up saying no because i was really feeling shitty (i have some health issues that were acting up) but when i woke up the next morning i had 7 missed drunk calls from him. after this, i thought i genuinely had a chance, so i wanted to try to build up the courage to tell him how i felt.
the night i was going to, though, he told me something first. he told me this girl he was really good friends with confessed her feelings for him. now i was almost sure this girl had feelings for him (and he was too), but i wasnt worried. he had told me before he wasnt interested in her. but now, he still wasnt sure but was willing to "see where it went."
this was really painful but i wanted to be a good friend, so i just acted like everything was normal. they started "seeing where it goes" and now its all but official. but heres the thing; we've gotten way closer too since then. the three of us (me, him, and his girl) started hanging out all the time. me and the girl are actually good friends now, and we're pretty similar (she's even commented on this), which makes the situation even weirder. originally, he was inviting me to lots of things the two of them were originally planning on doing together, although thats kinda stopped now.
a few weeks ago he told me he was planning on ending his relationship with her before summer started as he wasnt ready for one yet. and that he was happy he was willing to do that as he felt like that was good character development for him. but despite that there was no question whether or not he liked her anymore. he didnt originally but he does now. theyve also had two close to relationship ending issues already but they managed to resolve both of them. for one of them, they decided to make it official and then undid it in under 24 hours.
but he changed his mind, he decided he wants to continue it with her. honestly, theyre a cute couple. people want them to succeed and i probably would too if i were in someone elses shoes. but, now he literally lives at my apartment. he started staying over every single night, i genuinely dont know the last time he slept at his place. hes asked me to cuddle and stuff like that. the other night though, i feel like i fumbled pretty bad. he passed out on my couch so i went to get a blanket for him. that woke him up and he told me to join him. this is a small couch, if i were to join him (which im not sure if its even possible), we would have to be basically on top of each other, fully spooning. i got too nervous and just said something along the lines of i didnt know how i didnt think there was enough space. i really regret this. the literal day after she hard launched him (on her private instagram but still), and he commented with a 😗 emoji.
were officially moving in together in about a month, but i wont see him until then. hes made comments about how this next month is gonna suck because he doesnt know what hes gonna do without coming to my apartment twice a day (even though hes literally gonna be on vacation lol). the girl is gone for the summer so theyll be long distance for the next 3 months. he has really bad experiences with a long distance relationship before though.
i think my plan as of right now is, i need to try to move on but im probably gonna see him in about a week and ill ask him then how its going with her. or if i dont get a chance then ill ask him sometime after we move in together in a month. if he says theyre official/hes wanting to make it official, ill ask him if hes 100% sure thats what he really wants and remind him about the things hes said to me earlier. because honestly, as a friend, if this relationship with her is gonna end badly i think its the last thing he needs. both of the issues theyve had are related to things shes done thats kind of brought up trauma from past relationships of his (during the issue they had where they changed their status back to "exclusive unofficial situationship" i guess is what you would call it he ended up telling her she was worse than his ex), so i think another bad experience would be super bad for him. especially with her as she was a close friend before.
i know i have to move on though. its just really hard. i dont know if im going to be able to. i might try to go back on apps but it just feels like settling even more now. i think the kind of romance i want is just impossible for a gay guy though. im in college, supposed to be one of if not the most progressive colleges in the world, and despite at this point having a lot of friends and acquaintances hes the only lgbt guy i know here. i even had a homophobic bully lol. oh well

Hello everyone!
I'm a incoming freshman for Fall 2024 at UC Berkeley, and I've made my schedule plan for my time at Berkeley. I've earned a lot of college credit while in HS, namely I have credit for Math 1A / 1B (AP Exam credit), CS 61A, 61B, 61C, Math 53 and Math 54, Data 8 (the professor said so -- unfortunately articulation is not yet updated on Assist), Physics I, II, and III, and all lower division breadth courses (English 1A / 1B + the two lower division breadths). I also thought I had credit for EECS 16A but unfortunately I would need to take another bridge course for me to get the credit, which would not really make any sense rather than just taking the original course. I've also fulfilled all the American Cultures / History / Institutions Requirements, and I should satisfy the Senior Residence requirement with this plan too.
Here's my tentative schedule:
Summer 2024: EECS 16A, [Ethics Course]
Fall 2024: EECS 16B, CS70, [Upper Division Breadth]
Spring 2025: INFO 159, DATA 100, CS 161 (these are, from what I can discern, the easiest upper division courses for EECS)
Summer 2025: Internship
Fall 2025: CS 168 (Networking / Internet), CS 169, [Upper Division Breadth that also satisfies upper division technical elective requirement].
I picked the 5 easiest upper division courses to minimize stress. My goal would be to get an internship Summer 2025, then a return offer starting in January 2026. I have one prior internship, and I'm working on learning Node JS, React, that kind of stuff, to put projects on my resume, and I'm trying to be consistent on Leetcode. Ideally, if I get an internship in Fall 2024 for Summer 2025, I'll move out from my parents to maybe somewhere cheap like Antioch or Concord and take the train to campus, since unlike for 16B with in-person labs, most likely I'll just have to come for the midterm and final, and perhaps the discussion twice a week. The best case scenario would be getting a remote internship + return offer, which would allow me to escape the rush of the Bay Area and move to somewhere more quaint and rural. Some good remote companies I think are still Atlassian, Dropbox, Affirm, and Coinbase, which were remote before 2020 and are very unlikely to put in RTO mandates.
My motivation for wanting to graduate from college in 1.5 years comes from a desire for financial independence and being able to live alone without roommates, since I'm very introverted. I could never imagine living with roommates -- it sounds very mentally taxing. Additionally, one of my biggest regrets has always been not graduating from HS early. One of my teachers even suggested it to me, but I thought I didn't have enough extracurriculars and wouldn't have gotten into MIT / Stanford / Berkeley EECS. Now I realize that prestige in university is essentially meaningless, especially in Computer Science, and giving up a year of my life for simply a chance at an "elite" university was very stupid of me. Since I can't rectify the past, the only solution to achieving financial independence earlier seems to be completing college faster. I'm not at all worried about missing anything social in college, since I'm not a very social person, and wouldn't have taken part it in them anyways, and I'll make plenty of friends (hopefully) at my job or, in the case of a remote job, in the new small town I move in.
Sorry for the long post! But what does everyone think about this plan? My thoughts were that I can get an A in EECS 16A over the summer so I have a 4.0 GPA on my resume when I apply for internships in Fall 2024 -- most companies only ask for your transcript after you've been accepted, and I technically didn't lie about anything. Would it be wrong to do this? On my resume, I only put my graduation date (such as Expected December 2025). I also asked a similar question last year under a different screenname -- so I'm sorry if this reads familar! At that time I didn't know what courses I wanted to take since I wasn't yet admitted to Berkeley.
​

I wanted to make this post not only for myself but also as a bit of encouragement to those in their early days of this process.
For a bit of background, Im 18 and was consuming about 3 energy drinks a day for around 2-3 years. It all started when I began having late nights due to schoolwork, and it just kept getting worse and worse. 3 Years of terrible sleep and drinking anywhere from 400-800mg of caffeine every single day.
I was forced to quit cold turkey after I had a really scary panic attack one night for no reason. I'm a totally healthy kid, both physically and mentally, and had never experienced anything like it before. I had panic attacks for about a week straight every single night, and even went to the er because I thought there was something terribly wrong with me.
As of now, 2 months later, I feel much better than I did in that first week. I don't feel great or like myself at all, but it has gotten better.
Here's a little timeline of what I've experienced:
Weeks 1-2:

• Terrible anxiety that lasted all day long. I would wake up with it and it would never go away
  
• Insomnia. Really difficult to fall asleep and when I did fall asleep I would wake up at 1am and couldn't go back to sleep
  
• Heavy depersonalization. Nothing around me felt real, and i felt like an alien.
  
• Depression/Anhedonia. I got enjoyment out of nothing and life felt pointless. Even had some suicidal thoughts at points because I thought I would never feel normal again.
  
• Panic Attacks every night
  
• Heart Palpitations. All day long.
  

Weeks 2-4:

• I stopped having panic attacks, but all the other symptoms were still there. They got a little bit better, but I was still suffering.

Month 2:

• All of these symptoms continued to improve. I started having panic attacks & insomnia again during week 6, went away in another week or so.

As of right now I'd say I feel on the lower end of okay. I don't feel very much joy, still having less enjoyment in activites I normally love, just feel blah. I do have moments of joy and hope throughout the day though. It is hard to describe but it feels like a short wave of happiness and joy just comes over me for a minute and then leaves again. Overall, im just missing the joy and contentment that I used to have.
This has been really hard. It does get better, and I have started to feel like myself again, but it just takes time. DO NOT LET PEOPLE TELL YOU THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU. It pisses me off that there are people on here telling others that the caffeine was "Masking a depression or anxiety" and just know that these people are idiots. If that was true, then explain how i've started to feel better on my own with no medication. If you were happy and joyful before you quit caffeine, you will go back to feeling that way, and if not, youll feel even better than that! These people do not understand and trust me when I tell you it gets better. Own your experience and know that some people feel better in a few weeks, some people take months, others take a year or more. Don't look at this story and then expect to feel better in two months like I did. It is totally normal to take much much longer to get there.

This review is based on an eARC (Advance Reading Copy) provided by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review and can also be found on my blog. Navola will be released on July 9, 2024.
Paolo Bacigalupi is an author that hit big while I was in a reading hiatus. I missed the boat, but I’ve been meaning to circle back around and try his stuff. And while I don’t read quite as many big, fat fantasies as I used to, I still have a soft spot for them. So when I saw he was releasing an intricate historical fantasy with plenty of backstabbing and politics, I thought Navola was a great opportunity to give his work a try.
Navola takes place in a heavily Italian-inspired fantasy world and follows the son of a powerful banking family as he struggles to live up to the cunning intelligence of his father and grandfather. It’s a slow build, following the lead from childhood into adolescence and early adulthood, and though the dragon eye on the cover is more than just window dressing, the story leans much more to the historical fantasy than to the magical. This is without a doubt a book for fans of politics and scheming.
As perhaps should be unsurprising, Navola starts laying the groundwork for the political plots very quickly, but it takes a long time for the lead or the reader to really grasp the shape of things. The lead is long on empathy and short on ambition, and though he tries to be a dutiful son, none of the political maneuvering really comes naturally. And so we see his adolescence—the lessons, the friendships, the horniness, the doubts about his chosen path, all of it. And while it may not be clear exactly where the story is going during that time, it’s clear enough that it is indeed going somewhere, and the quality of the prose is high enough that reading never feels like a chore, even when the plot is opaque.
And when the big seeds of plotting come due, they do so in a rush of blood and thunder that makes the book almost impossible to put down. There are times where the reader may see twists coming before the naive narrator does, but not so early that it spoils the tension or prevents those big moments from being utterly engrossing.
For readers in search of sympathetic characters, there aren’t many. The lead’s empathy makes him one of the likeliest, but his adolescence shows off as much or more self-centeredness as you’d expect from a teenager, and the world is desperate to shape him into a manipulator who trusts no one and loves no one outside his own family. Make no mistake, this is a book written for those seeking a tale that’s short on goodness and trust and long on manipulation and violence. It gets dark—there’s backstabbing, torture, sexual violence—but it’s certainly entertaining always waiting to see which twist is happening next.
Navola also isn’t an end to the story. In many ways, this is a book focused on shaping the main character to be what he needs to be for the rest of the series. A lot happens from a plot perspective, but it’s not a book that ends on a hero having accomplished his primary goal. There are significant character and plot arcs that more than justify Navola being its own book and not a mere piece of another book, but it’s absolutely designed as a series-starter.
So should you read this book? Well, it depends on what you’re after. Thematically, it has plenty to say on how the hunger for power and wealth creates a world of violence and mistrust, but those aren’t exactly observations you can’t find explored just as well elsewhere. Really, this depends on what kind of fantasy you enjoy. If you’re a fan of dark, gritty political fantasy and don’t mind buckling up for a slow-building series of doorstoppers, step right up. That’s what Bacigalupi is going for, and his writing quality is on full display. But if that isn’t your style, this probably isn’t a book that’s going to change your mind. It does an excellent job of being what it wants to be, but it’s not out to transform a subgenre. Perhaps there’s a shift with the sequels–it certainly wouldn’t be the first series that started playing firmly within the existing expectations and branched out as the series progressed–but Navola as a novel is one for the fans of darkness and intrigue.
Recommended if you like: historical fantasy, schemes and politics, books with no clear heroes.
Can I use it for Bingo? It’s hard mode for Disability, and it’s also very obviously meant to be First in a Series, plus it’s Published in 2024, contains Dreams, Reference Materials, and a segment Under the Surface.
Overall rating: 17 of Tar Vol’s 20. Five stars on Goodreads.

hi! After once again (unfortunately, never ending quest I guess) being plagued by the logistics and difference in family desires (please be mindful of my desire before reaching out) not matching or people not knowing what they want once again, I'm here (again) because I've been here trying to search for someone to vibe with and explore the possibility of a long term relationship for a good bit now because its been difficult to find someone that reaches out that correctly believes we both match in terms of what we'd both like long term (a relationship and family) or distance has been an logistic we haven't been able to break through in the big picture.
If you think we'd click and we do in fact want similar things in the same location together long term, I'd love for you to reach out if you feel that way by the end of reading through!
Unfortunately, since I have to actually add this, please read my entire post if you're interested before reaching out. I cannot take another person reaching out that does not read everything and finds something they do not want to do (such as relocating), it wastes both of our time and nobody wins. This is far too common on here, and it's extremely confusing.
Anyways, like everyone else on the internet, I'm a 6'1 hispanic dude (pictured here: https://imgur.com/IIy7Hqe - hi, hello!) that's doing pretty good in life! I have an awesome wfh job in a field I enjoy (and had to switch into, heh) that's got things all neatly organized in a little row (home I get to enjoy in the greatest city in the world, nerdy interests and all I need within a walk of where I live), but I'm just missing that one awesome partner I vibe with to share it with!
I turn to here because I've had amazing success in the past, but for logistical reasons (or differences in vision), the lovely people I've experienced romantic relationships with on here ended through nothing other than dating is hard, especially when distance is involved (as it was in all 3 instances). I'm sure everyone can relate to that! I'd love to find someone I can click with, that has an equal attraction to me, that has time to talk to me (voice/video preferred, but happy to type away plenty, we do have lives after all) like we care about each other's time :)
I'll share a bit about myself!
I love all the nerdy stuff like board/video games, on a bit of a nostalgia streak with games I've been totally watching lately and would love to find a game to start brand new with someone (as world of warcraft is nice, but not something I'd recommend to someone new to mmo's!)
I have oddball interests such as a love for asmr videos that focus on roleplay to create that sensation and I'd love to share that with you (and my love for giving massages because of it)
I have been trying to teach myself how to be response with what I have so things last longer, and I'd love to learn from someone just as much as I have a lot to give to you in terms of experience!
I just enjoy talking a lot. I can be very caring, so its important for me to make sure you're doing okay in times like today, so I'll be there for you!
I'm looking for someone who:
Wants a long term, monogamous relationship. I do poorly with sharing, simple as that.
is open to relocation if not in NYC. I can't take my home with me, would love to share my extra space and rooms with you!
Actually has time to spend to get to know someone. I know dating sucks, but I can't wrap my head around how common it is that people think a relationship can develop if you're just never there to get to know. My brain can't wrap that around my head, and I want to find someone who actually wants to be serious about this.
Is open to a biological family one day. I grew up in a loving household, and I want to continue to create that in my future with someone amazing!
If you think we'd click, give me a reach! I feel like the last year has gone so slow because of my search, and I would love more than anything to find someone to get us both out of the adventures that is OLD.
I'm hoping to hear from you soon, tell me something you're proud of so we can talk all about it!

So in short, my players cleared Kolat Towers and the Sanctum with the help of the Harpers and Doom Raiders and instead of searching for the eye searched for Manshoon and ended up getting a TPK. Now the Warlock sacrificed himself and asked for his patron to teleport everyone back home (with a 26 religion roll) so technically 2 players are still alive (unconscious) and they will continue with 2 new and 2 existing characters.
I decided to do a time skip in game of at least a couple of weeks and since there was a lot going on in the campaign I will make some bullet notes on things I need resolved for the continuation and I hope for some tips and ideas.

1. Manshoon, Sanctum and the Zhentarim: Since Manshoon won the fight but lost almost all of his soldiers/liutenants what is the next step for him given that the Harpers were also involved in the raid as well as the Doom Raiders. He still has Skeemo and Mirklav so he could also revivify some people. His Sanctum was also breached and the players know the teleportation circle combination so they could just open a portal directly in now from what I understand. Since the Xanathar is defeated, he could also try to take over Skullport and the Xanathars by allying himself with Nihiloor.
2. The Tavern: Due to happenings in the campaign, after the death of the owner, the inn goes to the Lords Alliance and will be put up for auction. This creates another goal for acquiring money so that they can buy the inn back but what happens with the inn in the meantime. The players took good care to style the inn and remade it into a successful business with many NPCs working there. So technically the tavern should now be closed or owned by the city (or already bought by someone else).
3. Doom Raiders: Davil and his squad reluctantly helped the players against Manshoon and Ziraj died in the fight. They had good relations with the players troughout the campaign but it's all going downhill. Skeemo was also revealed to be a double agent so what is next for the remaining 3 members now ?
4. Xanathar Guild: The party allied with Jarlaxle during the heist and bombed most of the hideout, burying the Xanathar inside and trapping Nihiloor in his chambers after double crossing him. Nihiloor also has a possible baby "Neothelid" down there which could be used against the players or dangerous to everyone. Skullport is still left unscathed but every liutenant in the hideout is dead after Xanathar's fish got bombed. I wonder what happens with them now. Does Nihiloor take over, what happens with the Xanathar, does Manshoon swoop in ?
5. Black Viper: She got scammed by Skeemo so she went to the Cassalanters with the poison and got caught. I don't want to outright kill her off screen because the players like her so I wonder what the Cassalanters would do with her after her infiltration attempt. Do they dumb the body and kill her or do they hold her hostage etc. She is a noble after all.
6. The Drow: Jarlaxle has the stone and one eye (xanathar and gralhund pieces) and N'arl with him. He currently has the players working to get the other 2 pieces for him as he promised 100k gold for the players as well as his spy network and all the leftovers. He used the players connections to talk to Mirt about getting the gold to Lareal and told them exactly why he needs the gold. The players don't see Jarlaxle as an enemy but I wonder if he's playing all of them and what are his final motives. What are his next moves as the players failed the job. I guess he would continue using the players, but does he neccessarily want to screw anyone over ?
7. Cassalanters: The Cassalanters are idle watching all of this after the players promised to help them with the kids. The players know about the eyes and the Cassalanters have already helped them trough previous troubles as well as offered all the help the players ask for or need. Do they stay idle or do they start making moves ?
8. Harpers: Since 2 of the players allied themselves with the Harpers, Mirt and Remmalia gave them guidance and helped them when needed. The Harpers in my campaign want to keep the Dragonstaff inside the vault or want it brought back for safe keeping. Their main motive is what it always was lore wise but how does Mirt react to the happenings with Manshoon, Jarlaxle and the Doom Raiders and are there any moves that he might want to make now that the city is becoming more and more unstable.
9. Lords Alliance and Force Grey: The Alliance has lost it's faith in the players before and they still don't act or really know about the threats of the Vault hunt. Vajra is in good terms with the players but she can't act or do anything without Lareal's approval and Lareal is known to use them only as a last resort. Do I keep these 2 factions out still as they are way too powerfull if they intervene in the game now.

The players are left in a position where they hold no pieces but are allied with both the Cassalanters (one eye), Jarlaxle (stone and eye) separately and also the Harpers. I have no idea what their next plan may be since they just suffered defeat but getting to Manshoon is the biggest mistery that I have while trying to keep him smart and calculative.
I know it's a long post but thank you in advance!

I'm trying to buy a used car from a dealer so that i can pay monthly, not lose most of my money all at once, and just get it over with in a few months, but dad says I should buy a brand new car and pay monthly for 5-6 years because it'd be more worth it and cheaper in the long run. He used to not trust dealers at all and always went used, but used here (Los Angeles) sucks now and I dont want to deal with all the title scams I've found.
He says I could buy a old 09 for 10k (that was my initial plan) but then have the engine breakdown with no warranty and repairs around 3k add up and drain my whole bank account be stuck with no money and no car, OR I could put it all in a new 2024 25k car that has a warranty and let me keep some savings each month even if its much longer, with a lower APR than a pre-2016 one
Some of my concerns are

• newer cars are better targets to be stolen, cat converter stolen, probably get dinged up in normal city use. I work in a bad area as-is.
• higher insurance/registration/smog cost i think?
• how much does warranty really cover and doesnt the car lose value as soon as its sold?

I have great credit though, but a shitty job, and I THINK got approved for a 40k loan through my bank (i dont have the loan yet just an automated screen saying I COULD have it if i continue, when I only asked for 25). No matter what, I'm currently spending $1400 monthly on a rental with no prize at the end, doing nothing but losing savings slowly (uber USED to be good to breakeven so it was worth driving for them in it after mine was totalled) so anything's better than that I guess. I thought I could just switch over and pay off a used car in months of that time, but now he's thrown this into the mix. And I guess it makes sense..but I dont have a lot of money and dont feel good about being on the hook for 300-400 a month for 5 years without the ability to get out of it. One pro of renting this current uber car, if it breaks or needs uncovered repairs, they just put me in a new one I believe. But the cost is crazy. And in this new car I'd have to stop driving so much or it'd burn out the warranty, but then I'm gonna have less income....also I'm planning to leave the state soon if my situation doesn't get any better in a month or two (i dont know where im going yet), and maybe I should wait till I get to a cheaper state to buy something, would that even make much of a difference? Then I'd have to ship the rental car back to the location, that'd be like 1k I think.
What would you do?