Smile now cry later clown facesl

Not that anyone at this gives a single flying fuck but I did this so I’m posting it. I have included all works from the main 13 albums and singles excluding
The b Side of yellow submarine as no actual beatle plays on it
Those German covers as they really aren’t so different from the original and I didn’t see the point
Unreleased material such as ultra deluxe or whatever the fuck and the l unreleased stuff from anthology (excluding the 3 last Beatles songs)
There’s a couple of unpopular opinions here so don’t go too hard on me I love them all in my own way,
214:WILD HONEY PIE: To be clear I don’t dislike the idea of the song, but I just think it’s a huge middle finger to the album. I can’t help but laugh at it as it is a mockery of Paul McCartney by Paul McCartney. I can’t help but think it’s what John thinks his little jaudy ditties sound like. However I think it’s horrible to have to listen to I’m not angry at it, just disappointed. It really could’ve been a good parody song, as it however. I think it’s a filler interlude.
213: BOYS: The original version is leagues better, and when it comes to the Beatles that’s saying something. I can’t think of anything that justifies the existence of this song. The only redeeming aspect is it’s refreshing to hear ringo sing sometimes, he does a fine job of it.
212: A TASTE OF HONEY Trashy song too sweet and pissy for me (for a great lack of a better term) Paul sounds bad on this, the whole thing sounds trashy. Drivel
211: P.S I LOVE YOU Does nothing for me.
210: SUN KING Oh a hot take. Or is it, I won’t count the medley itself as no one else seems to but if so I respect it way more than it’s placed. It’s a bit trippy but not to an extent of intriguing me. The translation to mr mustard is great but I’m not ranking that. On its own, In My Opinion, bad
209: PLEASE PLEASE ME Has everything that I dislike about the early work, especially the harmonica, fine singing but could’ve been synced better.
208: THIS BOY Forgettable and boring to me
207: SEXY SADIE Interesting song but not particularly good or interesting in my opinion. The stories of who’s it about however are worth looking into.
206: ASK ME WHY Might it have something to do with love. As you might tell I’m not big on please please me. This one blends in with the rest of the album
205: CHAINS Not an awful song but it’s not overly good. George’s vocals haven’t gotten great yet so he still could use some work. Perfectly bland song
204: DO YOU WANT TO KNOW A SECRET I am aware this song has a relatively large fan base but this is not for me at all. Sorry
203: THE END First off the “Oh Yeah! All Right!” Are indeed iconic. Everyone’s playing their heart out. Some of Ringos best work. But I don’t know, it doesn’t punch me like I think it should. I like this, but I should love it, and I don’t.
202: GOLDEN SLUMBERS Too repetitive for me to get into. This is the only Beatles song that could’ve been shorter. That’ll be ironic as I pretty much think every Beatles song is too short except this one.
201: ROLL OVER BEETHOVEN Berry did it better
200: ANOTHER GIRL I didn’t think anything of it at all to be honest.
199: TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE Fine, not that good, but fine
198: YOU KNOW MY NAME (LOOK UP THE NUMBER) They’re taking the absolute piss. I’m glad this exists but I don’t want to listen to it.
197: BIRTHDAY It’s a birthday song, you know, typical white album. Fine.
196: FLYING This is such a fucking vibe, not much after you’ve heard it the once but still, not bad at all for a mostly instrumental song
195: WHEN I GET HOME It wasn’t that bad, and it wasn’t that good
194: I WANNA BE YOUR MAN Eh
193: THINGS WE SAID TODAY Better but we’re not THE BEATLES yet
192: IM HAPPY JUST TO DANCE WITH YOU Somewhat memorable, kinda boring, not shit
191: ITS ONLY LOVE I’ve heard worse
190: I CALL YOUR NAME Not much to say about these particular songs, they aren’t shit but they’re not at that quality of good, these are the awkward songs.
189: REVOLUTION 1 I originally heard it on the white album and thought “wow that was really mid” the I heard the original single and I thought “wow they really fucked that song” still noice lyrics
188: JULIA Calm ass song. A lot of people love this song to bits but I just don’t relate to it that much, with age I expect to like this song more
187: ALL TOGETHER NOW I guess it’s fine
186: DON’T BOTHER ME It’s just meh
185: HOLD ME TIGHT Still meh
184: DIG IT I like this but it’s so short and non sensical I can’t put it any higher
183: I SAW HER STANDING THERE I like this, but it’s still a bit too sappy
182: BLUE JAY WAY This is a weird ass song. Very George. It has those uppy downy lyrics, there’s a lot to like here but also a fair few things that I don’t like, like the lyrics could have been more defined and worked on, and it could use some more power in the vocals
181: I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER Karmas a bitch
180: THE NIGHT BEFORE This one has better production but the same blandness that culminates in old Beatles music
179: WAIT There’s going to be enough hot takes on this list anyway so I will contain my feelings on rubber soul. Let’s just say the Beatles evolutions had a middle ground from lovey dovey 60s bops to the psychedelic rock they’re know for. That middle ground is rubber soul, not a bad album, but like the stage from a child to an adult, kinda messed up. This album has some re great moments. But it also has wait, which isn’t bad, but it’s not everything you would want from this particular album.
178: CRY BABY CRY It’s good, idk what else to say not Beatles good but I wouldn’t skip it
177: LOVE ME DO This song just makes you feel happy, nothing else
176: KANSAS CITY/HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY It was ok but I can tell this track wasn’t over fixated on
175: I NEED YOU You can tell it’s an older Beatles
174: DIZZY MISS LIZZY I know there’s a recent dislike for this one but it never fails to make me smile. It’s so fucking chaotic I love it, it does have its production flaws but John is singing his heart out. This is what I want from a Beatles cover track
173: IVE JUST SEEN A FACE Charming enough song
172: TICKET TO RIDE A classic I’m sure. Really has a nice groove and what it lacks in lyrics makes up for in sound.
171: ONLY A NORTHERN SONG I agree with the rest of the group that if this was on Sargent peppers it would be the worst track. However that’s not to take away from it. It’s a charming piece, it has all the elements of Harrison but overall it is only a northern song
170: SOMETHING Damn here’s the first one I might not survive. People who were on the fence before will probably switch to the ‘eh, fuck this guy’ field. I don’t dislike the song, it’s a good song, it’s a great love song but it’s a very expected feet. Every line while sung with excellence is very conventional, it’s tropey. Perhaps it’s too far to call it cheesey. And don’t get me wrong I love the simple cheesey songs a lot (just wait till you see where I put silver hammer). But this one just doesn’t strike a nerve for me. I did think the same thing about strawberry fields forever for a while before listening to it more so maybe it’ll crawl up the ranks someday but overall I think it’s a nice love song that has some great production but after that it’s overshadowed by the rest of the album.
169: ALL MY LOVING Yeah, it’s a classic, who couldn’t like it
168: MOTHER NATURES SON This one has a huge fanbase as well. It’s a good song, great use of imagery and metaphors. Doesn’t do much after that in terms of production and the way it’s sang, just a nice song to chill to in my opinion.
167: ALL I’VE GOT TO DO Again, short, sweet song
166: YOU NEVER GIVE ME YOUR MONEY Yeah this one’s interesting. It goes through a fair amount of genres for one song. On one hand its structure is something of a mess, however it still is a good listen, it’s cute in the best sense. The fact that it’s about Allen Kline is also funny if not a little saddening
165: IT WONT BE LONG Wasn’t long, still nice
164: ANY TIME AT ALL Just another comfrey Beatles song
163: YOU’VE GOT TO HIDE YOUR LOVE AWAY Although I think this song is a little overrated not bad
162: DEAR PRUDENCE I know I like this song a lot less than others do. It takes a while to get going but when it hits that euphoric moment you know I’m talking about it’s bliss, but the first half kinda dull
161: BECAUSE A little oddity on the Abby road medley that’s just, I don’t know, conflicting. If it where longer maybe I could decide if I liked it or not but for now it stays here
160: THANK YOU GIRL Sweet little song that gives you a warm feeling
159: LONG LONG LONG At this point in the white album that’s what I was thinking. It’s not bad but it could’ve been longer (no pun intended) and released as a single with the right editing. George Martin could make it work I’m sure
158: I WILL Here’s how I feel. I always like it when I hear it, but forget what it sounds like 2 seconds after.
157: IF I FELL Cheesy but still pretty catchy
156: AND I LOVE HER This is nice also
155: LITTLE CHILD Though the lyrics in 2024 sound a little ‘noncey’ that’s part of the reason why it sticks out to me. It always gives me a chuckle. Little child… the way he says “I’m so sad and LoNeLy” is so cartoony and I like it.
154: ILL GET YOU Yeah, good, fine, acceptable
153: BACK IN THE U.S.S.R This is why the Beatles beat the beach boys for me this. Classic song that probably had America tugging at there collars, just genius
152: ITS ALL TOO MUCH Again this isn’t bad, am I blown away, not necessarily. But this is a bop
151: THERES A PLACE I like this quite nice I think
150: A HARD DAYS NIGHT A lot of people love it, I just think it’s fine, good song I guess
149: ILL CRY INSTEAD These are the songs that are well produced but lyrically forgettable. This is one of ‘em
148: EVERY LITTLE THING I really like Beatles for sale, it’s so fun, it’s a fun album. Every little thing isn’t badly written but I listen for the music. George is good on this, ringos subtly great. Just wholesome
147: EVERYBODY’S TRYING TO BE MY BABY A song of its time, and quite and tie tapper if you ask me
146: WORDS OF LOVE A pleasant song for any day
145: DAY TRIPPER Nice melody, ok lyrics, good enough song
144:BEING FOR THE BENEFIT OF MR KITE When I first heard this song I didn’t listen to the lyrics, the ones I did catch lead me to believe that it was some sort of political song with mr k being some sort of satirical caricature. Upon second listen I realised it’s just a song about a circus performer putting on a show, I can interpret some lyrics as a reference to some political nature but I think it really boils down to a circus song. It’s giving me a sense of stereotypical Halloween music you’d hear with the way the rhythm goes up and down frequently in the same line. Just a fun little jingle. Also I believe if Paul had wrote it John would have hated it, many probably do hate it. What does everyone have against whimsy?
143: CANT BYE ME LOVE Cliché yes, catchy yes, enjoyable yes
142: THINK FOR YOURSELF Fine little song with not much to write about
141: FREE AS A BIRD I am quite conflicted on the 3 last Beatles songs. They are mostly John Lennon demos rather than Beatles mixes. I was of two minds including them but I thought I may as well because they are interesting to talk about. I don’t think these are as cash cow despicable as some would argue. A lot work has clearly been done to preserve them and restore them. It’s hard to look at this song on its own basis. On its own it’s pleasant, but overall I do not really know why they bothered to release it as a Beatles track, it feels very unbeatles to me but as I say I don’t dislike it, I’m just not sure on where I stand on its purpose
140: REAL LOVE I have the exact same opinion on this one I just like the song better
139: MAGGIE MAY I just think love the accents alright. How long is it 50 seconds? For the life of me I’ll never get why they didn’t make their songs longer. I fancy me chances with this one
138: DEVIL IN HER HEART Solid cover of a very good song
137: PIGGIES This one’s kinda weird. We all get the piggies are elite pricks but the way George pronounces dirt just sells me on it. Good effort, could’ve been longer.
136: EIGHT DAYS A WEEK I like it, don’t love it, it’s what you expect but it does deliver in that regard
135: HELP! Iconic, reasonably catchy, just wholesome man
134:IF I NEEDED SOMEONE Rubber soul being kind of quirky comes through softly but noticeably here
133: MEAN MR MUSTARD This song just flows man. I love the lyrics, like the instruments and how they bounce off each other. Just the right amount of absurdity. If only it were longer…
132: HELLO GOODBYE Classic, I do like this one, but you know I always forget how much until I listen to it again
131: LONG TALL SALLY A lot of people hate this one but I think it’s fine
130: TWIST AND SHOUT COMEONCOMEONCOMEONCOMEONCOMEOWWN
129: ILL BE BACK Yeah, not bad, not bad at all, rather good actually
128: TELL ME WHY Classes Beatles getting it right
127: TILL THERE WAS YOU You know, maybe with the Beatles gets too much hate
126: OLD BROWN SHOE Not one of George’s best and the mixing is jarring but the lyrics are very nice
125: FROM ME TO YOU Just a sweet song, nothing wrong with that
124: SHES A WOMAN Not much to unpack, Paul is good in this though
123: MICHELLE Everyone loves Michelle. It’s a dainty song that isn’t that great, but good, it’s just so quaint
122:THE WORD The n word. No love of course. Maximum corniness but still a treat to hear, Lennon sings it believably
121: WHAT GOES ON How eloquent, idfk
120: BAD BOY Now junior, behave yourself! I just needed to hear Lennon say that and I was hooked. Weird to release a cover as a single but I won’t complain
119 : FIXING A HOLE Fun psychedelia, bring the family
118: MATCHBOX Just a song on the struggles of life, Beatles style
117: ONE AFTER 909 Chaotic song that gets the blood flowing. Also regrettably relatable
116: GETTING BETTER The charm is in the McCartney Lennon dynamic. Paul says it’s getting better everyday. John says it can’t get much worse. Doesn’t that sum up those two quiet well. Just so vibrant. This era had so much colour.
115: FOR YOU BLUE Solid song, ain’t bad at all
114: ACT NATURALLY I like this song a lot. Ringo fits well for it, it’s playful, just so pleasing
113: I DONT WANT TO SPOIL THE PARTY Another underrated song from Beatles for sale.
112: BABY ITS YOU This is fun
111: MONEY (THATS WHAT I WANT) Good cover, maybe not as good as the original but you can just feel the mayhem going on through the speakers
110: YOU WONT SEE ME Mmhm, mmhm, yup, that’s some nice music
109: YOU LIKE ME TOO MUCH A playful, goofy ass song that has some great lines and a pretty fine beat
108: YOUR MOTHER SHOULD KNOW Heartwarming, just, heartwarming
107: YOU CANT DO THAT Not perfect but undeniably based
106: NOT A SECOND TIME A great story mixed with some simply beautiful descriptions making up a song that hits different form other songs of the similar nature
105: SLOW DOWN It’s the bluddy beetles mate, whatja expect
104: YOU’RE GOING TO LOOSE THAT GIRL The character in this story is such a dick but I just can’t help vibing with him. He’s such a cnt that he says he gonna steal the guys girl right to the guys face. That’s hilarious and I really like it
103: GOOD MORNING GOOD MORNING Gets too much hate for what it is
102: RAIN I don’t know what it is about rain that grabs me but every time I listen I just get drawn in, it’s very clean
101: MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR ROLLUP ROLLUP. God I think this is so vibrant, so colourful, just really cool, great harmony, overshadowed by the rest of the album
100: MISERY Misery stuck with me, unexpectedly based for a first album
99: YES IT IS Yeah yeah yeah this one’s pretty good yeah
98: CARRY THAT WEIGHT I just sing this all the time randomly. It’s to the point, honest, fun. I don’t know what accents they’re singing in this time but it’s great. Not much of a lullaby though.
97: WHY DONT WE DO IT IN THE ROAD This one just makes me happy. I know it’s kind of filler but the way Paul increasingly hypes things up in his vocals make me smile. Big fan of this, thing
96:HONEY DONT I liked this a lot the first time I heard it and frankly I still do
95: IN MY LIFE When rubber soul gets it right it can end up like this song. And that’s a good thing
94: NOWHERE MAN Lyrically enchanting, some hot instrumentation. Production ok and a more memorable song from rubber soul
93: I FEEL FINE Yup this is fine
92: YESTERDAY A song you think is overplayed until you listen and it’s just so good. A real highlight from the early years, my favourite from help, a somber melody that is sang flawlessly by Paul
91: LOVELY RITA A song of a somewhat unlikely love that is different enough from the Beatles other love songs to stand out
90: WHILE MY GUITAR GENTLY WEEPS Why is it so low I hear you scream. Well to be honest FOR ME the verses while lyrically interesting don’t stand out in my mind. Obviously the chorus is incredible but it’s just as the rest of the verses which mind you are still good that bring it down for me. A song not really my thing till the chorus hits but still the fact that it’s there makes it worth the listen
89: HER MAJESTY Yes, I prefer this over while my guitar gently weeps. Moving on, I think this is a fun, tongue in cheek song that I always thought implied he was talking about money. Think about it, her majesty is on all the bank notes, she certainly doesn’t have a lot to say in that case, price changes from day to day. Paul loves it but to get it he has to get a belly full of wine to make it… think about it.
88: SHE CAME IN THROUGH THE BATHROOM WINDOW Ah, this one. The intrigue of the contrast of the chorus and the verses. One of my favourite from the medley
87: YOU REALLY GOT A HOLD ON ME With the Beatles being underrated again
86: TOMORROW NEVER KNOWS Look, I don’t dislike this song, it’s just a bit messy for me. There’s a lot going on and I like that but ultimately the trippy style is done better in other songs like day in the life. But I do like that George Martin on the piano isn’t half bad, he’s one of twelve fifth Beatles I hear
85: HERE COMES THE SUN I like George I swear. This song is really good and I like it but I just wouldn’t listen to it as much as some higher ones below. The changing of the seasons to describe a relationship isn’t new but it fit’s really well here I think.
84: IM SO TIRED Would be higher if it were longer, good, very good, too short
83: POLYTHENE PAM The fucking accents. Love the weird ass story of the gender ambiguous Pam and her drag persona as in a polythene bag. Just a fun character song
82: DOCTOR ROBERT My least favourite from revolver but still charming enough
81: WHAT YOUR DOING Just good
80: BLACKBIRD I really like this. I want to love it, but it’s so goddamn short man. Oh well what we got is still great
79: DONT PASS ME BY Weird, goofy, sung by ringo. A real gem of a song off the white album.
78: ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC A cover almost better than the original berry’s. Almost is still a hard feet to reach.
77: IM LOOKING THROUGH YOU The loss of a love has been done many times by these guys but this is one of there best
76: WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS The lyrics are kinda mid in my opinion but hearing ringo sing always has its perks
75: IVE GOT A FEELING Very good song, production a little iffy but not horrible, I think let it be is given too much shit for that
74: GOOD NIGHT They subverted my expectations with this one. What a way to end such a large album, I think this one is cute and light and just very sweet. Whispering is somewhat creepy though.
73: WITHIN YOU WITHOUT YOU We all know they were on a lot of serious shit during this era but goddamn the lsd vibes mixed with the Indian sitar sound is really fucking unique. And I like it, don’t love it but still
72: IM DOWN V good
71: THE INNER LIGHT V nice
70: BABYS IN BLACK This one strikes a nerve with me, a hood premise, John sings it well. A treat
69: ILL FOLLOW THE SUN Never got why people disliked this one. I had a theory that the guy in it is dead and he’s going away from his girl, you know, towards the Sun
68: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE More than inspired by Elvis but I can’t complain its a banger
67: PLEASE MR POSTMAN This is well suited for John to sing. I prefer this over the original maybe that’s controversial to say I don’t know. It’s great
66 : GLASS ONION The rocking beat is what hooks me at this one to be honest, the references are cool but a bit pointless
65: MARTHA MY DEAR Who doesn’t love dogs, just heartwarming. Just pure joy
64: IM A LOSER God this album doesn’t get enough love
63: MR MOONLIGHT I heard people disliked this one but John is really suited for this one. I do indeed prefer it to its counterpart
62: LOVE YOU TO Weird vibes, good track
61: I WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND Just gets you grooving. Love it
60: DIG A PONY Nonsense song that sounds good in your ears, typical Lennon
59: DRIVE MY CAR Maybe overrated but still slaps
58: GIRL Love girl
57: SHE LOVES YOU Again one of those dancer songs that never fails to deliver
56: ANNA (GO TO HIM) Way better than the original, such a good cover, ah, bliss
55: NOW AND THEN You see is this the recency bias. I don’t think so I hope not but it feels like it is. Man I don’t know it just sounds like Lennon was going for something different and I get it. There was so much work that went into this I just don’t know. I do really like it.
54: I WANT TO TELL YOU Somewhat forgettable but when I hear it it comes rushing back to me.
53: GOOD DAY SUNSHINE Good vibes, peace and love you know
52: HERE THERE AND EVERYWHERE Somewhat cliché but idk I like it
51: TWO OF US I just love this. I don’t think it’s as badly produced as some claim (the long and winding road is evidently over produced but it still goes absolutely hard)
50: TAXMAN We can all relate to this. More relevant than ever, and will continue to be in the future I’m sure
49: WHEN IM SIXTY FOUR It’s so jaunty that I feel like it would belong in a cartoon but that just makes it better for me. I love whimsy
48: IM ONLY SLEEPING This is great
47: PAPERBACK WRITER Be longer please
46: WE CAN WORK IT OUT Longer be please
45: HEY BULLDOG Kickass bass playing by Paul. Lyrics that were just fucked together by John are somehow incredible. Ringos drumming on this one is really good too. Wow, for a throwaway song it works really well
44: NORWEGIAN WOOD (THIS BIRD HAS FLOWN) You can almost smell the pot off this one. Love Norwegian wood rubber soul at its best.
43: AND YOUR BIRD CAN SING Not much to say great song
42: GOT TO GET YOH INTO MY LIFE Iconic, great again
41: ELANOR RIGBY Maybe you’ll say I put this too low but I still like it to a great extent
40: LADY MADONNA One of their best character songs
39: THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD Epic song, great lyrics, sang fantastically, so good
38: SHE SAID SHE SAID Tripping balls but goddamn amazing
37: LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS Psychedelia on full force with this one. Some of the best imagery from any song. It’s charming and fun and at times mystical but overall Johns way with words really come to the top of the log pill with this track
36: I ME MINE In hindsight a song that highlights the way George felt the world around him was and he was probably right. I like the metaphor and the waltz aspect works more than any other of the Beatles attempts at the style, it’s a fantastic piece
35: THE FOOL ON THE HILL Oh I love this song so very much. The song has the fool as some sort of wise figure many (myself included) take to be god. And I like to think if there is a god he’s like this. Watching over giving the world his wisdom but we’re just to ignorant to hear it. Also the medieval sound is one of my favourite styles (love sunforest if you’ve ever listened to any of their songs) so the flute works just so well for me especially when it mixes with the piano. Oh I just love this song to bits it’s great
34: ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE The cheesiness is undeniable, the magic is unbeatable. This song is just such a good album ender. The chaos and randomness near the climax is such an incarnation of the love message and how it works as an organised mayhem. The anthem of love and joy and passion is overflowing and I really like this song, if you can’t tell
33: NO REPLY Oh the way people overlook this song is not right. Its well written, it’s well sang, everyone’s playing well, it’s delightful
32: HONEY PIE I know people hate this song however for me it brings me back into the 20s. It is a sweet ditty that works really well for me and I love this one
31: FOR NO ONE God I love this. It feels so personal and is reflective, as unbiased as it can be and just beautifully sang with no grit. It’s honest. Paul’s on piano here witch is always great. Ringos drums work well to I think. This one’s just brilliant
30: SARGENT PEPPERS LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND REPRISE I love this, the best feels like fucking hip hop, it’s a nice way to lead into day in the life it’s just good no real flaws
29: SARGENT PEPPERS LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND Well this is just a perfect way to start an album. Set up the setting, it explains why the music in this one’s a little different as it’s not the Beatles it’s Sargent peppers and that’s a good concept from the start. You get a real idea if what the world the album takes place in is like and you get a feel for the members of the band itself. Just a class act
28: SAVOY TRUFFLE Controversial one perhaps. I just like the song. The mixing is interesting, the lyrics are fun, I think George outdid himself with it, all just to mock Eric Clapton, hilarious
27: ROCKY RACCOON I know this one’s gonna be a war. Rocky raccoon is so listenable, and fun and encapsulating. Ringo is singing it in a great way. I just like it, ok, just my taste. If you hate this song and believe it should be burned than that is perfectly fine, but don’t undermine someone else’s opinion
26 : DONT LET ME DOWN Oh this one’s so powerful, grand, fitting really.
25: YELLOW SUBMARINE I have a fee that I’m not going to survive this list. Can I not like fun, that’s what this is, pure unfiltered fun. This song makes me very happy ok. Ringo singing it just gives it that relaxing feel. Yellow submarine is that kind of happy go lucky song I love
24: REVOLUTION After hearing its bastardisation this is just so refreshing. It’s about a peaceful revolution. It sure as hell doesn’t sound peaceful what with the two electric guitars blowing my speakers out. This one just sounds like a revolution should in a song, and it’s really very good because of it.
23: GET BACK Shit, shit back, shit 1. No I love this. This is such a vibe man it strikes a nerve, it sounds incredible (considering it was recorded outside) and it helps that everyone is clearly giving it there absolute all. Love get back.
22: OB-LA-DI OB-LA-DA I don’t know if this one is as controversial as it used to be but I know there are still some who fucking loath this song. I saw an article where it put this song as the worst the Beatles ever done saying that it was genuinely a horrible experience to listen to. I don’t know this song is just a tonic for a bad day, I will always feel a little bit better after listening to it and that really pulls it up the list. Don’t get the hate
21: A DAY IN THE LIFE Oh boy. This is so good damn it. The Lennon McCartney dynamic is the best it ever will be. Lennon reads the news of suicide and sees a war film while Paul dashes about in his chipper day. The rising orchestra is incredible, Ringos drumming is so different to other approaches in the genre. I can’t tell the scales of the strangeness and the depression aspect mixed with the weird ass ending it’s just an experience instead of a song.
20: OH! DARLING You can’t deny the power in this song, Paul gives it his absolute soul and it works for me, this rejection song is more of an explosion of emotions that gets you invested. Idk I like it
19: REVOLUTION 9 Well I’m dead, there’s no redeeming myself now oh well, however if you would at least hear me out on why I put number nine here then I will do my best. I love things that are different, things that go against the norm and defy expectations. And if we can all agree that revolution 9 is not what you expect when you think Beatles then we have agreed on something. This song (if you can call it a song) is doing for me something interesting. Celebrating the avant-garde while also making fun of it. It sounds impeccable. The mixing is superb, it makes full use of the stereo format. It makes me feel things, picture things, it’s a very interpretive sound that mixes together different instruments and words and phrases forwards and backwards to make something of a trip. This sounds like what a revolution sounds like, points getting muffled over time, being big and grand before shrinking into disarray. You can take what you want from the meaning but when I listen I get completely overwhelmed with feelings. It’s a collage of expression that is most certainly not for everybody but I think is a full on revolution in my head. That’s just how I feel
18: EVERYBODY’S GOT SOMETHING TO HIDE EXCEPT FOR ME AND MY MONKEY There’s some dislike for this one too but I think it’s just a complete rocker, the lyrics also make me chuckle a fair bit
17: THE BALLED OF JOHN AND YOKO I don’t think this one is that hated. I love it. It’s genuinely very funny some highlights being the what you doing in bed interaction and the two gurus in drag. John was highlighting his problems with the media in a way that doesn’t sound bitchy or like he’s talking down to the listeners. Very good song
16: ACROSS THE UNIVERSE God the imagery, similes and lyricism is so beautiful. This is a beautiful song. So elegant
15: SHES LEAVING HOME I was somewhat shocked to find this in some worst of the Beatles lists. The people writing it seeming to miss the point that it isn’t that biased. Sure it shows the hardships of the parents, how broken they are but it realises that fun can simply not manifest in some places and has to be sought out. It’s a real understandable song that is softly sung by Paul in a mystifying way.
14: I WANT YOU (SHES SO HEAVY) Fucking insane song, it’s like a ride at an amusement park it ramps up over time and brings you right to the heights that you wonder how it’s going to end. This song subverts that by giving it no ending, it just gets cut off, which is brilliant. It’s like a ride through hell. A decent into madness of desire in a way making it shockingly relevant.
13: OCTOPUSES GARDEN Kudos to ringo bro just wants to be under the ocean. Calm as fuck. Beautiful expression of the desire to get away from the hassles of life and responsibilities which I’m sure we all relate to. Also bubbles, what’s not to love.
12: HAPPINESS IS A WARM GUN It’s almost perfect, but goddamn it it’s too short. I love this thing but I feel it cuts off before it’s time is up you know
11: THE CONTINUING STORY OF BUNGALOW BILL I don’t get the hate for this one (well maybe I do but still) you got a fire ass spanish guitar. A balled of verses, a sing song chorus that feels like it’s taking the piss in a good way. Even an underlying message of hypocrisy and ignorance. Now I know that yoko is very loud on the song but honestly it just ads to the bizarre feeling that the whole song gives off, I love this.
10: YER BLUES One of the most explosive blues songs I’ve ever heard, incredible
9: STRAWBERRY FEILDS FOREVER You already know it’s fantastic, but that still shouldn’t take away how fantastic it is
8: MAXWELLS SILVER HAMMER … yeah, no joke. Listen it was on of the first Beatles songs I ever heard, if not the first. It has that jaunty Paul feel but then it hits you that it’s about a murderer and it just makes me take a step back and go damn, the Beatles could make anything whimsical. It’s so sing song while being so dark. Yea it is fruity but man I don’t know. The synthesiser near the end is also just really fun to me. It’s fun it’s nostalgic and I will always love it. Sorry not sorry.
7: HELTER SKELTER I applaud you Paul McCartney, you put everything you had into this one and it paid off
6: BABY YOUR A RICH MAN I don’t know what it is about this one I love so much, I’m not a huge fan of sitar but it works here. I like the lyrics. There’s a lot of interpretation around them but I always took it as a similar vane of the balled of John and Yoko where it is like a dickhead reporter asking John the questions we here Paul sing in a sense of leading him on and that they’re responding in the sense that these people nagging them about having money when most who were had money themselves. Just a thought.
5: COME TOGETHER Classic, genius rhyming scheme brilliant
4: HEY JUDE 2nd Best uplifting song I’ve ever heard
3: LET IT BE Best uplifting song I’ve ever heard
2: PENNY LANE A fantastic song highlighting the serenity in modern life that often goes unrecognised. It’s penny lane, what’s not to love
1: I AM THE WALRUS It’s I am the walrus. Lyrics are dazzling. The whole mixture of instruments and sounds the distortion making it sound like a dream at points. The way it uses the stereo medium is genius. The Beatles were geniuses. One of the best things ever written.

Sorry for how long this is I didn’t think there would be so much explaining needed.
So for a bit of context first, I (15m) have a split 50/50 time at my mum’s and my dad’s houses (so I switch which house I’m staying at every week). My oldest brother (22m) is in the army, and is away most of the time.
On the Thursday just gone, he came to my mum’s house unannounced and I didn’t know this until I got to my mum’s house on Friday (as I swap houses on Fridays). Whenever he stays at my mum’s house and I’m not there he will claim my room as it is bigger than the spare room. However, I am meant to stay there as well for this week and he doesn’t leave until Tuesday - meaning that I will not get my room back until the last few days of my stay at my mum’s house. This means as well that I’ve been thrown into the spare room. I’m devastated by this because I’ve spent so long building up my own personal space in my room that I look forwards to staying in every other week as my room at my dad’s house is quite small. In my room at my mums house I have many posters set up which seem to inconveniently fall down whenever I’m not there. Almost half of them have fallen down in the week I’ve not been there and I can’t even fix them because my brother is staying in there with his partner. I tried to get him to help me put them back up but he just ended up getting frustrated and almost ruining my poster. I’ve had to try and keep all my posters in the spare room even though they barely fit in there as I fear they will be creased or ripped if anywhere else.
My brother has also cluttered my room since he brings quite a lot of things with him and since his partner is also staying there, they have their stuff there too. It means that he’s disorganised a lot of things in my room and has just made it a mess which I know he will not properly clean when he leaves.
I was so upset when I first realised that he was staying in my room that I felt on the verge of tears and the cherry on top of it is that the first thing my mum said to me was that she can either set up the spare bedroom for me (as the bed is a sofa bed) or she can drive me back to my dad’s house. This made me realise that she had no intent of trying to encourage my brother to leave my room and go into the spare room. I took the option of the spare room (not because I wanted to be there but rather because it meant that if I stayed this week then my birthday in a few weeks will land on a day at my dad’s house).
Later on I told my mum that I hated that he was in my room and that I had been looking forward to spending my weekend relaxing in there (as I’ve had so many exams recently and I have one week left of them before I leave school) but she disregarded my feelings and insinuated that I was being selfish because if I took my room back my brother and his partner would have to share the smaller room but really to me that’s not my problem as his partner doesn’t HAVE to stay here.
Today I decided to go for a bike ride to my dad’s house because I needed to grab a few things I had left there. My nana (58f) was there (as she lives there) and I told her the situation and she was on my side. After a while of speaking I just broke down crying. I don’t know if it was just because I was upset about not being able to have my room or if it was a built up of bottled emotions but either way I couldn’t stop crying. My nana said that my mum was being unfair and was ‘punishing me’ (for a bit of context: I’m 100% NOT the favourite child because I “left” my mum since she was hurting me emotionally and so I lived at my dads house permanently for a few years before doing the 50/50 split).
I don’t know if my mum is doing this on purpose because my brother is favoured more than me but I don’t know what to do.
I hate it when people are in my room when I’m not. Not that I have anything to hide, it just makes me uncomfortable. I feel like my personal space is being invaded and my boundaries are being broken. However, I’m afraid of bringing it up to my mum incase she gets mad at me and calls me selfish again and I’m contemplating whether or not I want to stay at my dad’s house until he leaves because I hate being in the spare room.
I’m currently still at my dad’s house but everybody has left so it’s just me now and I don’t know what to do. I have to go back since I have my mum’s bank card on me as I have to go to shop for her but I’m not sure what to do after that.
So am I overreacting and would I be TAH if I asked my brother to move rooms even though he only has 2 days left before he leaves?

[First] [Previous] [Next]
With the use of ancient and forbidden magic, a handful of Mages erased the collective memory of the world, turning many innocent practitioners into mere Sleepers. Only a few trusted folk were left with access to the Runes, and the vast majority of those left with power united to form two sister organizations: The Exodus Corps and the Genesis Corps. One to oversee mages, and one to look after Sleepers.

“Okay, two things.” Tav interrupted once again. “First, I have never heard of any of those, so I assume they either died off or are a secret.”

“Correct on both accounts.” Mustafá nodded.

“I guess Genesis is no more then.” The youth blinked. “Anyways… So we are dealing with Exodus now, which has the power to erase and rewrite memories!? What hope do we have against power like that!?”

The alchemist closed her eyes. She agreed, full heartedly, that such tremendous power shouldn’t be in the hands of anyone.

“I am unsure if such magic is possible anymore, with the changes in how information works and flows in our world.” Mustafá shrugged softly. “But it is not worth it to worry about that, at least not for now. May I continue?”

With Tav’s nod, the old mage continued her story.

The arrival of the Age of Silence did not stop the efforts of humanity for complete control of Jericho. More and more magical beings were erased or enslaved, for people considered them an abomination against their new understanding of the world.

Until everything reached a breaking point.

Mustafá glared for a moment, falling silent and taking a sip of her tea before resuming.

One day, all of a sudden, all magical creatures disappeared from the face of Jericho, apparently at the same time. And soon after that… a mist began spreading through the entire world. A thick, malicious fog carrying horrors of flesh and bone to Jericho, turning animals and humans alike into abominations which had been hidden in the imagination of men for the longest time.

The survivors came to call this cataclysmic event ‘The First Sacrifice’, and it is thought to be the revenge of the forsaken Presences of Jericho, and the many displaced magical creatures.

“It took centuries to rebuild the world after that.” Mustafá said, looking into her cup of tea. “It was terrible for everyone involved… and now, a little beyond six hundred years later, we are facing the start of a Second Sacrifice, a return of the same mist that once covered the world, and the horrors that come with it.”

Storytime was over. Tav’s eyes stared into the middle distance as she tried to imagine it, a fog so thick that could cover the Sun in its entirety. Nightmarish beings roaming the land, death for everyone. She shivered, closing her eyes and trembling for a moment before looking at her teacher once again.

“Wait. How do you even know it is coming? How can you be so sure?” The youth questioned.

“I learned to see the signs, the shifts in the mana of the world, the changes in the Third Layer, the apparent reduction in the amount of unexplainable events.” The alchemist sighed, before forcing herself to admit. “I am not the only one who has been fearing this, nor the only one who has confirmed its coming.”

“H-How long do we have?” The apprentice was starting to feel the pressure. “Is there something we can do!?”

“I don’t have a specific date, but I know that it must happen this year.” Mustafá shook her head, setting her empty cup on the table. “As per what we can do… the book must be the answer. It was written by one of the greatest minds from the First Sacrifice.”

“Humiko did look like the sort of person who knew things…” Tav mumbled mostly to herself. “... Where will it all start?”

“The North Pole.” The teacher nodded softly.

“That’s where we have to go as soon as this book is translated, then. That’s what her introduction said…” The young one finished her cup of tea in one gulp, setting it down as well. “Let’s get to it.”

If Mustafá had the power of smiling right there, she would. Her lips curled up, ever so slightly, as she nodded and cracked her knuckles, walking over to the pile of dried clothes and pulling her turban out. She couldn’t teach without it, at least she felt that way.

“Where’s the iron? I wish to iron my clothes.” The alchemist stretched lazily. “Once that’s done, we are leaving again. We will practice in your assigned Elysium.”

“Isn’t that a bit dangerous? Anyone could see us.” Tav asked to divert from the fact that she didn’t exactly remember where her iron was.

“That’s the point. You need to be seen, at least a little bit, before people stop suspecting you of being evil, or worse, a leech on society.” Mustafá, catching the nervous glances of her apprentice, just sighs and conjures both an iron and an ironing board with a flick of her wrist.

The younger one sighs in relief, before she suddenly realizes something.

“Wait, if you can just conjure stuff like that, why did we have to go to Obuda for bread!? Couldn’t you just summon or create the bread instead of paying for it!?”

“I am not good at making bread.” The alchemist answered, setting her clothes on the board and plugging in the iron.

“Oh but you’re good at making electrical appliances?” The apprentice grew rowdy.

“One.” Mustafá began counting with her fingers. “I am not creating these, I am technically summoning them from my apartment. Two, I am very good at making electrical appliances, thank you. Three, you can only create the objects that you actually understand, so even if I know how bread is made, my lack of talent for baking means my produce will always be inferior to an actual baker.”

“Oh…” Tav frowned. “I guess that makes sense…”

“Four. Just for that, you’re ironing my clothes.” The teacher walked back to her seat.

“Argh, you bitch…”

Knowing that arguing with this woman was useless, the apprentice sighed and got to work immediately, politely leaving the underwear on the side to work with the rest of the clothes. She had her limits.


Honestly, when I started thinking and hearing about Elysiums as magical places, I was expecting something far more mystical or something. Not that there’s anything wrong with a mysterious building in the middle of the city, no; I guess these hideouts need to keep appearances up so people don’t come around making the wrong questions, but… a Cat Café? Really? I didn’t even know we had one in Saüle!

Entering wasn’t a problem, for the place opened quite early in the morning. Soon enough, Mustafá and I are sitting on a puffy couch, in the middle of a warm and comfortable living room decorated with pastel colours and many figurines of cats… not to mention the REAL cats, gathering around Mustafá like bees to honey while completely ignoring me.

She doesn’t look really happy about it.

“The more magical potential you develop, the more you start attracting cats. Or repelling them. It’s a coin toss, depends on the cat really.” She explains with a sigh. “That’s why cats make good familiars.”

“So familiars are a thing, huh?” I tilt my head.

“Of course they are a thing. Did you really think no one would try magic with animal companions? They are dumb as bricks, but useful if you are into that.” Mustafá clearly wasn’t into that, gently pushing the cats away from her as they purred and seeked her attention. “Shoo.”

To keep appearances, and to enjoy the delicious hot cocoa they serve here, we decide to stay a bit in the actual café… but soon enough, Mustafá grows restless and annoyed with all the attention and demands we go into the Elysium proper. Right when I am finally managing to bond with a silly but loving orange cat! I don’t even manage to make the silly lasagna cat joke when she pulls me by the arm and takes me over to the kind lady tending to the café.

I don’t even get the chance to speak when suddenly my teacher pulls out both of our credentials. For a moment I think her mad… but then, I try to put those feelings down and trust her. She is my teacher now, after all! She’s supposed to know what she’s doing.

“Ah…” The lady nodded, recognition in her eyes. “Sorry, I didn’t know you were kin. Let me register your entrance.”

Mustafá probably feels my eyes on her, asking questions in silence, because she immediately says:

“Most Elysiums, except for the more public ones, have a guardian that keeps tabs on who enters and who exits them. The members of the Brotherhood are fascists.”

I immediately tell her to hush up, checking to see if the café lady heard her. Luckily, she seems busy looking for her note book. With a sigh, I turn to Mustafá and shake my finger.

“Don’t. Say those things. We all think them, we all know they are true, but we don’t just call a pig a pig to its face!!” I can feel the strength leaving my body as I tell this to her. Her lack of common sense is killing me.

“You’re way too soft.” She simply says, shrugging as the tending lady returns with an open book. “Put your thumb on the page and sign your name.”
I do as she says, even though there’s no ink to dunk my finger in or anything. The paper itself takes the print from my thumb and I feel a little burning sensation on my skin for a few seconds. With a wince I pull my hand off, shaking it for a moment and then taking the pencil to sign my name besides the black print.

Mustafá does the same soon enough, without even caring about the burn, and then we are both directed to a door ‘in the end of the hallway, to your left’. She just lets us leave, just like that! Not even doubting our intentions or anything. Again, I turn to my teacher as we walk through the hall.

“What was that all about?”

“To avoid people using glamour, which is a thing by the way, to sneak in with other identities, they use special paper to reveal your real identity using your fingerprints.” She shrugs.

“What, can’t you change your fingerprints with magic?” I grin, feeling smart and subversive.

“No.” She answers calmly, turning to the left and facing a wall in the hallway. “One of the aspects in which Sleeper Technology has surpassed us is the ability to modify and take care of the body.”

Now that takes me by surprise.

“So there’s no magical medicine?!” I say, louder than I intended.

“You can make magical remedies and enhancements, but magic can’t directly warp the body in any shape or form.” She explained, looking for the Phi symbol carved in the wall. “We are too dense, too attached to our body… It’s also forbidden to even try. We don’t want to end up with another ‘Flesh Sculptor’ situation.”

“A what situation?” Now that has to be made up, I demand for it to be made up.

“Ah, here it is.” Mustafá ignores me once more, pushing a finger against the symbol on the wall and letting her magic do the rest… I watch the octarine travel through her body into the wooden wall, forming a round door leading to a set of stairs. “Come.”

“No, seriously, what was that about ‘Flesh Sculptors’!?” I follow closely to her, watching our access into the dark stairway close right behind us.

“Don’t worry about it. They used to be a great number of them among the necromancers, but lately it’s just an old wives’ tale. Something to make little kids wet their pants.” Again, the damn crone (because I am sure she’s far older than she looks) comes so close to smiling it is actually a bit unnerving.

Honestly… the more I learn of this magical world, the more scared I feel.

My husband has never been a nice person, he used me for a full year when I first moved here to be with him (mind you I am from a whole different country, moved all the way across the continent to be here) he made me pay for dinners, groceries, rent, asked me to buy him things had me pay for his flights and accommodations when we traveled and threw a stink when I didn’t. He also made over 100k a year. I also cooked, cleaned etc. he would become angry when I didn’t, even sometimes got up and left the house all together telling me he could do better yelling and screaming if house was dirty or food wasn’t ready. He didn’t do anything for me, no valentines surprise, no birthday gift or surprise meal, no flowers, no thank you for everything you do. Nothing. Ever. But when he would have fits he would apologize after and I felt loved he would hug me and say sorry. I couldn’t see there was ever much of a reason to leave. Being alone would be worse and I was already all the way across the continent. Fast forward I married him and we eventually moved for his job. Because of the location we moved there was no work for me at all. He made me pay for his/our whole move there and paid our rent when we got there. Money was less of a problem now. But the treatment has gotten unbearable. He screams whenever I speak to him (he smokes a lot of weed) I’ve asked him to stop a few times because he drives impaired and whenever I say something he doesn’t like he hits me with “I’m leaving, never should of married you, your the worst thing that’s ever happened to me” etc. it hurts. It always feels like a kids to the chest every out burst. But I just try harder to do everything right. 6 months later I’m pregnant (accident I was on bc) his family is so excited he wanted me to have the kid we decided to keep it. I’m about 6 weeks along now. I’ve been so sick this week, and needed help in the kitchen as I was struggling to cook myself something and haven’t been able to eat all day. He came to the kitchen flipped my sandwich once and said “can you finish this? I need to go take a shit” when I walked down the hall he was not in the restroom he was in the garage getting high. So I spent 20 minutes gagging over a sandwich while he ditched me to go smoke. I confronted him later, and it resulted in an immediate blow up. He yelled at me that I am a raging bitch and all I do is nag and bitch and jumped up and said I need another hit you drive me crazy and walked out and took another hit. I was obviously crying and upset very hurt me crying annoyed him more resulting him to get out of bed and leave the room to go sleep in the hammock outside. I told him please don’t do this please can we just have a normal conversation your hurting me and he got in my face so close he was spitting on me and yelled “get the fuck back in the fucking bed and get the fuck away from me, and I want you to get a fucking abortion on Monday I don’t want a fucking kid with you” pointed at the bed while yelling this as if I was a dog. Went out the hammock and that was it. I layed in bed a while crying and eventually walked out to the hammock and confronted him, immediately after walking out there he said “if you don’t get the fuck away from me I am going to hit you right now” which blew my mind because he has never thrown a hand before and I am pregnant. I immediately walked inside. He came in an hour later and just got in bed cuddling me like nothing happened and went to sleep. I cried the entire night and I am at a complete draw on what to do. I’m so upset, but I love him.

First_Previous_
Royal Road_wiki
Worked a bit on the wiki, still a work in progress.
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While Orth tried to get this thing with the crystal right, Clare scooted closer to Mor.
"Mor? I wanted to know something from Snow, but she said I needed to ask you yourself..." Clare began shyly.
Mor looked questioningly at Snow, who just shrugged and stayed silent. This was not her fight.
"What do you need, Clare?" he asked the bashful girl.
"I don't... How should I... You know..." she stumbled onward.
The human let out a whistle °Lucky guy! There's a confession incoming.°
°A confession?° Mor asked, confused.
°Yes! She wants to confess her love for you!° The human answered, and Mor was suddenly painfully aware of Clares'Clares' fidgeting and a nervous crack in her voice.
°What should I do?!° Mor asked slightly panicing.
°Well, do you want to accept it or deny it?° The human asked.
°I don´t know!° Mor answered.
°Oook, so neutral to positive. Then just to the following...° The human explained, and Mor followed their guidance.
Mor looked directly at Clare, grabbing her fidgeting hands, and said in his most soothing voice, "Calm down. Just tell me. What's the worst that could happen?"
Clare looked up, surprised. Orth stopped with his crystal attempts and instead listened in as subtly as possible. Snow just put a hand over her mouth, seemingly in shock. Finally, Clare took a deep breath and went on.
"Snow told me you know how to get a better body, and I wanted to know how!" Clare blurted out, and Orth's interest peaked.
If this was really a possibility, it was too interesting to ignore. Mor was stunned into a surprised silence, his mind processing Clare's words.
°Ups, guess I interpreted that wrong.° The human said.
°What's wrong with you? Do go off saying shit like that if you are not entirely sure!° Mor complained.
°Yeah, yeah. Sorry, I really thought I was right.° The human apologized.
°Why do you always try to get me to be nice to girls?° Mor asked further.
°Firstly, it costs nothing to be friendly and makes you seem likable. Secondly, it's not just girls. It's just that, apart from Orth, no other boy was nice to us, so no reason to be nice to them. Third, don't you want a partner in the future? Being nice now to good girls will make it easier later.° The human explained.
°You know, that's not possible anymore... I used my once-in-a-lifetime chance and got you for it.° Mor said.
°You don't know that you didn't try it again, and even IF. Maybe there is a way for me to go to the afterlife, be reborn, or whatever. When you don't need my help anymore, we can look for something like this, and maybe you can get a girl then!° The human went on.
°So you are just looking out for me?° Mor asked.
°Indeed. You never know what the future brings, so you better be prepared for anything.° The human said.
°Well, thank you, but please tone it down a bit.° Mor said.
°Got, it!° The human agreed.
Snapping out of his stupor, Mor looked at Clare.
"You want to get a "better" body?" Mor asked, and Clare nodded excitedly.
"How do you mean that?" Mor asked further.
"Well, I'm envious of Snow, and I thought we are all kin, so I somehow could get a body like hers..." Clare explained, and Mor understood.
°Help me explain how! You know the actual facts.° Mor pleaded to the human.
°Well, first ask her if she wants a "healthier" shape or more strength, with the former being easier for her to achieve,° the human said, and Mor repeated the question to Clare.
"If you say shape is the easier one... I would like to try that, but what's the difference?" Clare asked, and Mor got another short explanation from the human.
"Shape will do not much for our overall physical strength, but honing your muscles will do that. But trust me, this muscle training thing is very painful. Because we are not using most of them and just relying on magic." Mor explained, and this time, Orth spoke up.
"What do you mean painful?" He asked.
"You know the pain if you run too much to get somewhere faster? The pain that will appear in your legs the next day or the day after?" Mor asked, and Orth nodded.
"Yes, I hate that, but at least we can easily undo this. Clare helped me after Miss Amthyne had dragged you off last time." Orth said.
"Sorry, I originally wanted to help you with that, but with the whole "nobles lie" thing, it slipped my mind. But to get to the point, you can't use magic to "undo" the damage. You can lessen the pain with magic, but your body has to "repair" itself. Only then do your muscles become stronger." Mor explained, and both Clare and Orth whinced.
"No, thank you. I will stick with magic." Orth said.
"And for only the shape?" Clare asked hopefully.
"That's easy. Watch what you eat. Expessialy as soul-kin, we need to eat more. The Cocona-Nuts are very good, for example. Eating is not only for "not dying," but it can help your body build reserves. This means that even if you don't train hard, you get a bit stronger because your body has more fuel. Think of it like a fire. If you put in the perfect amount of material, it burns brightly. If it's not enough, it only simmers, and if you use too much, it might get smothered." Mor explained, getting a surprised look from the other students and an affirming nod from Snow. "That's it?" Clare asked. "Really? You are not lying to me?"
"That's it," Mor confirmed. "For the beginning, just eat as you are used to, and add two or three of the Cocona-Nuts. Eating too much of them will upset your stomach, and trust me, you don't want that." The boy shuddered at the suppressed memory.
"If you are used to this, you should slowly raise your overall intake of everything a bit more, and I mean slowly. We are talking about months here until you are satisfied with your looks. If you think you are too heavy, reduce the intake again or move your body, but then we are getting into the muscle training thing again.
"They are connected?" Orth asked, and Mor nodded.
"Your muscles use this "fuel", meaning they don't need magic energy for more power. No need for a body enhancement spell for simple things." Mor explained.
"That's how you can move like that while hurling other spells!" Orth exclaimed.
"Everyone thought you used two spells at once and wondered how!" Clare added.
°Would be nice, if we could...° The human huffed.
Mor just grinned, giving a wink to both his friends.
"Puts everything in perspective, right? I just need a bit of enhancement magic for some moves, like my high jumps, but that's just the moment when you jump upwards. After that, I can go right back to normal spells." Mor explained proudly.
"You are awesome!" Orth smiled. "Maybe I should try this, regardless of my earlier statement. Would you help me?" he asked, and Mor nodded.
"Sure! But it will be hard and painful." Mor said.
"I get that, but think about the possibilities! You and me, we could do anything. With your help, I could even become the next heir to my family, and then I can help you get better treatment for commoners!" Orth had already begun brainstorming, and Snow smiled at this youthful enthusiasm.
"You want to help the commoners?" Mor asked, and Orth nodded.
"Me and Clare both, because we are friends with one." He said, smiling.
"Thank you both," Mor said touched, and got a grin from both of his friends in return.
After all this, Orth tried a few more times to get this crystal thing right but soon gave up in frustration.
"I just don't have any talent in healing magic." He complained, and Clare chuckled.
"That's the problem with you, high nobles. You just choose your wives according to your preferred element, and therefore, your offspring are only good in that specific magic. Well, good, might be a bit of an understatement, almost unbeatable may be the right word, but suck in everything else!" Clare laughed.
"Aren't you a noble too?" Mor teased her.
"Yeah, but not one like Orth. I'm branch family, and my magic bloodline is not as "pure" as the high born. But because of that, I have an affinity for healing and a good grasp on earth magic." Clare explained.
"Well, for everything else you have your staff." Orth mumbled grumpily. "I don't need to be good at everything, if I just can ask someone else to do it for me. Organizing and gathering talent is our main function as high nobles."
Soon, Orth and Clare waved Mor goodbye and got back to their own tasks, Orth promising to accompany Mor on his "morning runs" in the future.
°He will hate those and probably give up pretty soon. After all, you soul-kin are wimps.° The human half teased.
°Yes, probably, but I want to give him the support, he is a true friend to us.° Mor answered.
After the rowdy bunch had all left, Snow sat opposite to Mor again.
"Want to continue with your training?" She asked, and Mor nodded.
"Yes, I need to get this "energy from around me"-technique down." He said, and they began to try again.
Mor was concentrating very hard and tried to follow Snow's descriptions, and finally, after a few hours of trying, he did it. A small trickle of magic was flowing from around him into the crystal, but he couldn't make it glow anymore. Just getting it to a slight hum was very difficult.
"You did it very good." Snow congratulated him.
"But it doesn't glow anymore, like before?" Mor asked, disappointed.
"Indeed, I didn't want to say anything about it, but I saw the glowing for the first time. You probably got to the maximum capacity of the crystals. After that, I don't know what might happen." Snow explained.
°They propbably just explode, releasing all the energy at once.° Joked the human.
°Really? How do you know?° Mor asked, startled.
°It was a joke! How should I know!° The human sighed.
"So I got the technique down?" Mor asked, and Snow nodded.
"Much faster than I expected. It was worth sticking around for that. Now you just have to practice it so you can do this in a combat situation." Snow said.
"Don't you need to gather more information, you were here just over a week?" Asked Mor, and Snow shook her head.
"I had a good picture of your kin around the second day, but you were the unexpected outlier, so I had to stick with you." Snow confessed.
"So when are you leaving?" Mor asked her.
"That depends on you. Do you want to learn anything else, do you still have questions?" she asked right back.
°Yes. I do.° The human said and Mor nodded.
"Yes Snow, I still have some things. But it´s getting late today, so maybe tomorrow? Mor offered and Snow agreed.

Lydia awoke with Waldo screaming. Lydia quickly got up and activated the magic stones lighting the room, Lydia did not see a reason for him to be screaming and was about to wake him when he went quiet. Lydia wondered what had happened and as she watched him she became concerned he was not breathing but just as she was about to shake him away he started breathing again then he began to weep in his sleep saying “I would take it back if I could. I did not know what it meant. Please, I never meant for this.” Lydia watched over him for several minutes as he repeated this over and over. Lydia did not know why but after a while she embraced him gently.
“It is ok. We all make mistakes.” Lydia said quietly holding him. She did not entirely know why she chose to do this as she felt some concern over what he was apologizing for having done but something made her decide to stay with him. Eventually, he stopped and started sleeping peacefully. Lydia slowly fell back to sleep after he quieted and returned to a peaceful state.
Lydia awoke again with Waldo sitting dressed on the edge of the bed. “Good Morning.”
“Good Morning.” Waldo replied, turning to Lydia. “Sorry, if I woke you in the night. I do not always sleep well.”
“I can understand that. It took almost a year before I could sleep through the night.” Lydia replied.
“I brought breakfast up. Kna mentioned I screamed in the middle of the night. I rarely have a companion… So I did not know. I guess I was extra loud last night. I woke some other patrons.” Waldo said calmly. Lydia climbed out of bed and dressed herself as Waldo watched her but when she looked at him she felt he was lost in his own mind.
"Copper for your thoughts.” Lydia said as she started to lace up her dress. Waldo walked over to her and helped her.
“I thought I knew who I was…but I remembered things last night…” Waldo said hollowly. “I don’t know what I was fighting for… All that time as a soldier and now I remembered… what I learned before arriving here and it isn’t what I thought.”
“Do you want to elaborate?” Lydia asked.
“I am not sure I know how.” Waldo said and there was silence for a moment.
“Well, maybe you should stay here if you don’t know why you were fighting. At least, until you figure out what you want.” Lydia said and feeling better about what she had heard last night she kissed him gently on the cheek. “Thank you. I would stay for breakfast but I need to get to work.” Lydia said, grabbing a piece of bread with an egg off the plate.
“Have a nice day and I hope to see you later.” Waldo said, as she headed toward the door.
“Good luck today!” Lydia said, smiling and left. Waldo collected several things from his pack then stored it under the bed and took the plate of food to the common room where he ate slowly. Waldo noticed that Lydia was not in the common room as he ate breakfast. Waldo did not have to wait long after finishing his breakfast before Strisk arrived.
“Good Morning!” Strisk waved at Waldo moving across the common room.
“Greetings Strisk.” Waldo replied standing and moving to meet him.
“Are you ready to go down to the training grounds?” Strisk asked.
“Yeah, let’s head out.” Waldo said, motioning for Strisk to lead the way.
“Are you in a hurry?” Strisk asked, leading Waldo out.
“No, nothing like that just…” Waldo stopped in the door exiting the inn as he looked out into the city. Waldo had expected Protham to be small but realized it had been dark when he arrived and late that is why he had not realized how expansive it was. Waldo saw a wall sixty or seventy feet tall. Waldo stepped into the street and could see a gate two hundred or so feet down the road in one direction and in the other there was what appeared to be a small square. “How big is Protham?”
“It is just a small village, only five thousand or so. Most people are employed in fishing the lake or harvesting trees.” Strisk replied. “The gnolls recently opened a college here… Something about ley lines and increased power, but that is not my expertise.”
“I am surprised they even care about the ley line. The planet is so saturated with magic I would have thought everyone can easily use it.” Waldo responded.
“I wouldn’t know about that. Are you a mage?” Strisk asked.
“I cannot use magic… I can still feel it pooling.” Waldo said, wondering why he could feel it still since he now knew he could not use it. “It must be something to do with the leveling. I wonder if there is a construct powering the whole system.”
“You are suggesting a magic artifact causes people to level?”Strisk asked, shocked at the strangeness of the idea.
“Um… So I assume it is a mage college of some kind they opened?” Waldo asked, trying to change topics.
“Yeah. I would have suggested going and seeing the head there about your teleporting but from what I have heard they see almost no one who isn’t a student.” Strisk said, starting to walk down the street. Waldo followed, taking in the people and the streets. Waldo noticed most people were gnollish he saw drakes as well but it seemed to be ten to one.
“Lydia said you are a Drake. I have never learned to identify the scaled races apart from one another. It appears that Protham is mostly gnolls and Drakes. What makes a drake a drake and not say a lizardfolk?” Waldo asked, carefully.
“Lydia is right. I am a Drake. Lizardfolk always have tails. Drakes rarely have tails and those that do have a tail almost always have wings. That is usually the easiest way to tell us apart but it is more nuanced. A healthy Drake’s scales are vibrant, we stand out. A healthy lizardfolk has duller scales. Drakes can have horns or spikes across their head and back but never hair. Lizardfolk never have horns but can grow spikes. Usually they grow something more like a fin, which can be over their head or even down their chin to their chest. All the facial features are nuanced except the eye. Drake’s eyes face forward. Lizardfolk’s eyes face out enough to easily tell if you look at them.” Strisk explained calmly. “Kobolds are short but look like Drakes with a tail and all the other scaled races have gills.”
“Thank you. I realize that might have been rude to ask but I assume it is ruder to make a mistake.” Waldo said as they continued to make their way through the mostly empty streets.
“Most drakes consider it the pinnacle of rudeness to mistake us for the lizardfolk. Well the lizardfolk seem indifferent. I once saw a short Lizardman get mistaken for a Kobold and they laughed about it. Well a few days ago I had to break up a bar fight cause a gnoll called a drake a lizard.” Strisk said. “My people need to calm down about being mistaken for another race. Most cannot even tell the other races apart. No offense, but I assume you are a human because Lydia is one without looking at your ears, which are currently covered by your hair you could pass for an elf in my eyes and if you told me you were a dwarf I would believe it… even though, I think you are too tall to be a dwarf.” Waldo laughed at Strisk’s words.
“An elf you say?” Waldo said, smiling and moving his hair from over his ears. “I am a human. However, I can understand the confusion. Even among humans it is possible for some to mistake another human as one of our kin races.”
“Kin race?” Strisk asked.
“Yes, races that share certain broad features and where half races are possible.” Waldo said.
“Then would Drakes not be a Kin race.” Strisk asked.
“You ever seen a half human and half drake?” Waldo asked.
“Well no, but I was told it was possible.” Strisk said, wondering.
“Possible for our race's women’s bodies to respond as if they are creating a blend. However, it is largely my understanding no blend has survived birth. Maybe one is out there but largely our internal anatomy; bone structure, organ placement, organs in general, and finer points don’t blend into something that survives birth if a pregnancy occurs which to my knowledge is extremely rare and usually it is a half race not a full where that can occur according to one report I read most mothers die in labor if they carry the blend to term and the child still dies.” Waldo said calmly. Strisk stopped.
“How do you know this?” Strisk asked. Waldo thought about it for a moment. Realizing he did not know how to explain having millions of years of knowledge on hand a little surprised he had so easily recalled something from another life. As he thought about it he wondered how he could so easily access it. Then he knew. Four of his prior selves had learned to build a mind palace. When the Orc had implanted all the memories, those four had combined their knowledge and laid out everything, which made him wonder how he knew about the interbreeding of humans and drakes, which brought forth the memories of four doctors. One of which was drake. Strisk watched as Waldo stared off into the distance. Suddenly, Waldo went pale and threw up in the street. “What the hell?” Strisk said, jumping back to avoid getting splattered.
“Sorry.” Waldo said, feeling queasy. Waldo pushed the doctor’s memories away realizing he was not ready to go exploring all the memories aimlessly. Waldo pulled out his hip canteen and washed his mouth out. Spitting the water down a nearby drain “Damn. I was hoping to not have to eat until dinner. I assume the interview will have a combat skills test?” Waldo asked, looking at Strisk.
“Well yes, but what was that?” Strisk asked, feeling the response was unjustified for his question.
“Oh, right, your question. Um… I went to a memory I should have left alone. I was thinking about my time studying… when I strayed into an incident.” Waldo said, trying to explain without lying.
“An incident?” Strisk asked.
“I expect there are things you have seen as a city guard you would rather not remember.” Waldo replied, carefully.
“Oh… you mean something like that. I can understand that. Let’s continue on. Just another block or so.” Strisk said, letting Waldo follow him. Neither said anything until they got to the city's barracks. They had crossed near the center of town and were now at a lakeside gate that had a training arena with a large gatehouse next to it.
“How many positions is the guard filling?” Waldo asked as they approached the building.
“We are adding five new full time positions in hope of growth due to the mage college, three part time, and around fifty new reservists.” Strisk said and then opened the gatehouse’s front door.
“Good Morning, Strisk!” A female voice behind the counter greeted as they entered.
“Good Morning, Violet.” Strisk replied. “Is Trag in?”
“Yes, he got in a bit ago and…Who are you?” Violet asked, staring at Waldo as he entered the gatehouse.
“Waldo Winter.” Waldo said, step into the room and bowing slightly to the human girl behind the counter.
“He is with me. Violet. He arrived in town last night under strange circumstances.” Strisk said.
“Is he why you are meeting with Trag this early?” Violet asked, keeping her eyes on Waldo. “Is he a criminal?”
“Yes to the meeting with Trag and not as far as I am aware. You haven’t done anything illegal have you?” Strisk asked, grinning Waldo.
“Admittedly, I have not read your legal code, but assuming it follows traditional patterns of legal codes for structured societies. Not in this city. At least, I very much doubt I have.” Waldo said, smiling lightly at Violet.
“What are you doing here then?” Violet asked.
“Apart from identifying myself to local authorities due to the strange way I arrived. Hopefully, applying for a job.” Waldo stated. Violet frowned.
“Are you applying for citizenship in Protham or just submitting notice of intent to work in Protham?” Violet asked.
“Notice of intent to work, at this time.” Waldo replied, moving up to the desk as Strisk stepped away. Violet handed him a sheet of paper and pulled out a second enchanted page.
“Good luck finding work here. There are not many jobs outside of scribe, barworker, or general laborer for humans in Protham. The Drakes and Gnolls are larger and stronger than humans naturally and they are basically hiring enforcers right now.” Violet whispered to Waldo. “Where are you staying?”
“The Spriggan Inn.” Waldo said, looking at the form, surprised he could read it. As he started to fill out the form he remembered a passage about grown arrivals passing between world and being gifted languages of the worlds they arrived on from death. Waldo tried to remember the author's reasoning for the gift but could not. Waldo wished he had learned written gnollish languages but had only learned their spoken languages.
“How did you come to be there?” Violet said, showing surprise.
“Long story short…Some sort of teleportation accident.” Waldo answered, focused on completing the form.
“Wow… Lucky.” Violet said, thinking it strange he appeared in the only inn with a human working in it in Protham.
“Yes, but I suspect there is a good reason for that.” Waldo said, handing her the completed form.
“You how to read Grofeas gnoll?” Strisk asked, looking at Waldo holding the form out to Violet. “You said you had not heard of this country last night.” Violet took the form looking suspiciously at Waldo.
"No, I am familiar with other gnollish written languages and this is close enough to them that I guessed. Please check that and make sure my responses make sense.” Waldo said, looking at Violet. Waldo smiled at his omission. He was familiar with several gnoll written languages and had learned a few key words like bathroom, food, and price but had not even memorized their alphabet. Violet started to look over the document carefully. Waldo noticed the enchanted page on the desk had a picture of his face on it now with a list of several things about him, such as height, an approximate weight, and the like. Waldo heard a low growl with several inflections. Waldo looked at the gnoll standing by Strisk.
“Would you mind repeating that? I am not sure I quite heard what you said, because I thought you called me a fur lover.” Waldo said, looking narrowly at the gnoll. The gnoll made several more growls at Waldo. The gnoll had reddish brown fur and stood a little shorter than Strisk. Waldo thought the gnoll would probably be considered extremely handsome among gnolls. He was well groomed and clearly muscled under the fur. He even wore a steel breastplate that was polished to a shine. Waldo saw a stamp over his right peck that appeared to be a runic enchantment.
“Because I am not. I learned it at the time because my life depended on it. The gnolls I met were not as affluent as you are here and only knew one language. Their own. I had to learn it or live without speaking. Their treatment of me would have killed me if I had not learned their language. They knew next to nothing of humans and were a tribe secluded in the mountains. They meant well, but due to the harsh circumstances of the location I was slowly dying from starvation and exposure. It took four weeks to learn enough for rough communication after which I found them to be extremely friendly and curious. I spent two years with that tribe before making contact with a human settlement in the area. I managed to broker a peace there because I learned gnollish. So I continued my education and have since learned various spoken dialects.” Waldo responded to the newcomers' growls calmly.
“Why don’t you respond in gnollish?” The gnoll asked, changing languages. Waldo growled back in several inflections and moved a hand. Violet had noticed hand movements when gnolls growled and never associated it with them speaking but Waldo’s movements were so pronounced she realized it had to be part of the gnollish language. “Fair enough. I am Captain Trag. Strisk says you are a soldier.”
“Wait what did you say?” Violet asked Waldo.
“Violet. Don’t be rude.” Strisk chided, curious himself but having held himself back.
“I am sorry. I have just never seen a non-gnoll speak gnollish” Violet said, almost involuntarily. Trag slapped Strisk across the back of the head.
“Strisk, she is our scribe, do not order her around.” Trag said, smiling. Waldo got the sense that Trag did not like Strisk.
“I explained human throats are not well formed for the gnollish language, which hurts my throat the more I speak it and makes my accompanying hand movements more pronounced than is proper.” Waldo explained to Violet.
“Can you teach me?” Violet asked, seeing how beneficial it would be to know gnollish in her job.
“We can talk after the interview.” Waldo said, smiling at Violet.
“Right, sorry. Thank you.” Violet replied looking over at Trag apologetically.
“Excuse me for interrupting your conversation Violet. I will make sure to send Waldo back once we are done.” Trag said, smiling at Violet then turning to Waldo. “What level of soldier are you? Or is it some other fighting class?”
“I don’t have any levels in fighting classes.” Waldo replied.
“And you want to be a city guard?” Trag said looking angrily at Strisk who looked at Waldo surprised.
“Wait, are you a medic of somekind?” Strisk asked, remembering the other night.
“No, just give me a chance. We should go to the training ground if combat assessment is to be a large part of this process.” Waldo stated, a little surprised they had started asking questions in the entrance.
“It is. We can train you in Protham legal code, but we rarely do combat training for our guards; most people come to us with twenty or more levels in a combat class, when they are applying to be a guard.” Trag stated, as Waldo opened the door.
“Where I come from people do not rely on the leveling systems for combat training.” Waldo started walking to the training grounds as Trag and Strisk followed.
“Where are you from?” Trag asked.
“Halcyon. Heard of it?” Waldo asked, knowing the reply.
“Nope.” Trag replied, thinking this human could never keep up with a gnoll or drake in a fight. “What are you wearing?” Trag asked, no longer able to hold back the question as the human looked very strange to him.
“Desert Armored Combat Fatigues, my throwing knives, combat knife, an assortment of tools I have found useful over the years, and a magic sling.” Waldo said, touching different things on his body. “The armor is stab resistant and there are several metal plates spread out in the fabric. If I get the job I would like to wear this until I can afford to get some locally made gear.”
“A magic sling?” Trag asked.
“Yeah, but I have limited ammo for it. It only works with special magic ammo and I doubt you have that here.” Waldo replied.
“Have you heard of a magic sling Strisk?” Trag asked.
“No, that is new to me.” Strisk replied. “I thought you could not use magic.”
“I cannot not cast a magic spell but this is an artifact. I could teach anyone to use it. If I had unlimited ammo or access to a bullet manufacturer I would be happy to show it off but I only have ninety rounds for it.” Waldo explained.
“How long have you been a soldier?” Trag asked, Waldo had seen himself in a mirror and knew they would not believe the truth. Waldo looked like he was in his prime but Halcyon slowed aging massively Waldo was older than any human got to normally and he was still unsure if he had died or Death’s healing had further reduced the effects of aging.
“Nine years.” Waldo replied, pushing it as far as he thought he could. Waldo had put his age down as twenty nine on the form, but knew he looked closer to twenty now. “I expect I will be sparing with one of you?”
“No, we are waiting for your sparring partners. I sent for two reservists. They generally are not needed for regular guard shifts and if they are injured it should not interfere with their regular jobs.” Trag stated, show us how good you are with throwing knives.
“Alright.” Waldo said, pulling four of the weighted knives from their sheaths. Waldo carried twelve in all. Four on his left leg, two on each arm and four on his chest. Waldo started by juggling the knives as he moved into position to throw them. Waldo smoothly plucked them out of the air as he was juggling them and launched them one after another in quick succession down the lane, with the knives sinking deep into the wooden target in a tight group.
“For having no skills that is pretty good. Now for the moving targets.” Trag said, with Waldo looking back at him as he pressed a button. Waldo watched as the targets began to move side to side. Waldo could tell this was intended for arrows as the range was longer than he would usually throw when it came to moving targets.
“May I move up or do you want me to throw from here?” Waldo asked.
“Tark throws from there.” Trag replied, Waldo grabbed two more knives, throwing them half a second after looking back at the target. Both landed bullseyes but Waldo could feel the strain on his muscles. He was not used to this distance. Waldo pulled two more and turned his back to the targets. Waldo slowly strafed toward the center of the range as he had started to the right side. After a moment making sure to give the targets time to move he spun around and with one hand launched both knives. One landed in a bullseye, but the other fell short. Waldo turned his back to the targets and drew all of his remaining knives placing them at the ready in one hand. Waldo turned and threw three and turned back around quickly. He heard 2 thuds and one that was a clang. He was not sure what the third had hit. Waldo spun around and sent his final knife down the lane hitting another bullseye. The three quick throws were not bullseyes but they had all hit targets.
“That is all the throwing knives I carry.” Waldo said. “Shall I collect them?”
“No, Strisk go get the knives and report back on how deep they are.” Trag said, turning the moving targets off. Waldo moved over to Trag as Strisk retrieved the knives. “Only one complete miss, that is not bad. If you are hired then we are gonna have to replace the knives with some weighted rods. We can issue you some bolas while on duty. Unless a kill order is issued, but most the time we will expect people to be taken alive.”
“Understandable. What is a bolas?” Waldo asked.
“It is three pieces of rope tied to each other on one end and has a weight on the other side. When throwing it, the intent is to hit a person's legs and if it works correctly it will wrap around a fleeing person’s legs and trip them. In town it can be tricky to use and for people they have lighter weights. It was originally used to hunt various animals on the plains. If the weights are too heavy they can break bones.” Trag said, explained. “What class are you?”
Waldo had been preparing for this question since they had asked him earlier. “Diplomat.” Waldo replied.
“You have no levels in a combat class but you are a diplomat as a soldier?” Trag questioned.
“When I use skills from it as a soldier it is generally in interrogations, but my personal goal was to try and find less violent solutions to my nation's disputes. So, I ended up becoming a diplomat. The times I acted in that capacity I was glad to have trained as a soldier. Few people seem to want peaceful resolutions. So as a diplomat I have often been met with violence.” Waldo explained twisting the truth. They stood in silence as they waited for Strisk to finish retrieving the knives. Strisk handed Waldo eleven of the knives and Trag one of the knives.
“Six perfect hits. Three near perfects. Two hits. One miss. Ten hits were all very deep. The one that made the clang hit a metal frame holding the target. It dented the metal and chipped his knife.” Strisk reported as Waldo sheathed the eleven knives he had been handed. Waldo looked at Trag just in time to catch his face returning to a neutral state after what Waldo believed to be a frown.
“How is your hand to hand combat proficiency?”Trag asked.
“I am an expert with a knife, however, I could easily swap it out for a padded baton. It would be harder on me, but I am sure I can hold my own.” Waldo said, showing the knife sheathed across his lower back and trying to determine Trag’s mood. Trag examined the knife and could see it was custom made for Waldo and well used.
“Strisk, you are good to go on patrol. Your partner should be ready about now.” Trag said, with a hint of sadness.
“I was hoping to stay and see him fight the reservists.” Strisk said, a little excited and as Strisk said that it clicked for Waldo.
“No one is coming. To test my combat proficiency.” Waldo said, calmly. “Sorry, Strisk. I should have known better.”
“We should go to my office and talk.” Trag said and handed Waldo the chipped knife Strisk had handed him.
“Wait, why?” Strisk asked, Trag.
“Politics, Strisk. Guardsmen are just a little political, which means Trag cannot hire another human. Especially, not in a citizen-facing role.” Waldo said, with a smile. “Am I right?”
“Violet, is our scribe. Citizen’s see her.” Strisk said looking confused.
“Violet is my scribe. She assists with filing and compiling guardsmen reports. She has only covered the front desk on a few occasions and usually it is to give another scribe a break or chance to go to the bathroom.” Trag stated.
“Strisk, thank you for introducing me to Captain Trag. I truly appreciate this opportunity. I would be happy to speak to you in your office Trag.” Waldo said, smiling at both of them.
“Sorry, Waldo… I didn’t realize.” Strisk said dejectly. Waldo laughed lightly.
“You have done no harm at all and even helped me file documents I needed to in order to stay. You introduced me to your Captain. Strisk, you have been nothing but helpful. Please do not feel sorry.” Waldo said, smiling at Strisk.
“Thanks, I guess I should get going.” Strisk said, clearly feeling better. “Sir. Waldo.” Strisk said, nodding his head to each of them and leaving. Trag started heading towards the guard house and motioned for Waldo to follow, which Waldo did in silence. Trag opened the door and sure enough Violet was no longer at the front desk. There was a male Drake scribe sitting behind the counter.
“Sir.” The drake said, standing up to greet them. Trag waved his hand and the drake sat back down. Waldo followed him up a set of stairs and down a hall to an open room with three scribes working on various documents on a table big enough for four, one of which was Violet.
“Your morning report sir.” A female gnoll scribe said, smiling at Trag and holding a folder. She noticed Waldo and her demeanor changed slightly. She glanced at Violet as Trag grabbed the folder.
“Thank you. I have a meeting for a few minutes. Is there anything urgent?” Trag gestured at Waldo. The scribes all looked up and gave a negative nod. “If needed you may interrupt us.” Trag said, opening his office door and leading Waldo into his office. It was a plain room. There were several chairs facing the back of the room with a large desk and chair behind it facing the door. There were two sturdy looking bookcases organized with an assortment of documents. The room was clean and orderly. A couch sat against one wall with a window behind it that had shutters and Waldo noticed a plain axe with a rope next to it leaning against a bookcase. “Please take a seat.” Trag said, opening the folder as he moved around the desk and sat down. Waldo sat across from him. They sat in silence as Trag read over a few reports. “Thank you for your patience.” Trag said look up from the report.
“Anything important?” Waldo asked.
“No, just the normal going on. Except for you of course.” Trag said.
“Yeah, I made a surprising entrance last night.” Waldo agreed.
“Teleportation has a tendency to create some alerts. If Strisk had not reported your arrival last night, the guard may have interrupted your welcome to our fine city.” Trag replied.
“That report is more thorough than I would have liked.” Waldo stated.
“Kna is a friend and Aer is a gossip.” Trag replied.
“I should have waited in the common room. We could have talked last night.” Waldo guessed.
“Doubtful, but I would have known your face this morning if you had.” Trag stated.
“I had hoped this was an offer for contract work of some kind.” Waldo said, frowning slightly.
“It still might be. I have not determined what to do about you.” Trag replied.
“Oh, well is there something you would like cleared up?” Waldo asked, smiling.
“Kna is worried about one of her barmaids. Aer has never seen her friend respond so positively to someone so quickly.” Trag stated, calmly. Waldo knew they were straying into dangerous territory.
“I have never responded to another human as positively.” Waldo replied, honestly.
“Just two soulmates meeting for the first time?” Trag asked, Waldo jerked in surprise at the word reacting before he could stop himself. Waldo realized Trag did not mean it the way he had taken it but it was too late. Trag had been watching him closely and was now looking unsure at Waldo. “I think you have some explaining to do.” Trag said, prepared to strike. Waldo leaned forward and placed his head in his hand dropping his show.
“This cannot under any circumstances leave this room. If you have listeners they need to stop. If you have a way to make the room secure. I will tell you enough to know why.” Waldo said, unsure of what would happen next.
“What, so can you kill me in silence?” Trag asked, feeling concerned about this stranger's response.
“If you want to tie me up feel free, but I am not talking until I am confident the secret won’t leave this room.” Waldo said, sitting back and calming his nerves. Waldo was trying to figure out how to explain this with as little lying as possible. Waldo wondered if he could avoid lying all together. Trag hesitated for a minute then opened a drawer and pulled out a small box. Trag said a command word under his breath and the box activated.
“Alright, we are alone and no one can see or hear us. This better be good or I won’t keep your secret.” Trag said.
“Have you ever been in love so much it hurt your soul?” Waldo asked.
“What?” Trag asked, surprised.
“I have. If I had understood this was possible. If I had known. I would have done so many things differently.” Waldo said, deciding to be as honest as he felt he could. “I thought she was dead. I joined the wrong people to get vengeance. To make it stop. In doing, so I pissed off some really powerful people. I thought my master was strong enough to protect me and I thought I was powerful enough to protect myself. I want to tell Lydia so bad. I want her to remember our time together. Every second we spent together. If I had magic this would be so easy but using magic to accomplish it would be wrong.” Waldo said, with tears in his eyes. “I wish I could just show her. However, the people I pissed off took my ability to use magic. I did not even know that was possible.” Waldo said, holding out an open palm. “Light.” Trag felt magic tug slightly, but nothing happened. “They took my magic so I could not interfere. When they did that I thought they would send me to a prison cell or some equally horrible place. They cursed me with unwanted knowledge I can barely grasp. Part of my mind is still trying to rip itself apart. But instead of sending me to a desert. They toss me like I am nothing and I land inside Spriggan Inn, in Protham barely even hurt. I did know she was the same soul at first. Standing in the dim light of the inn. She looks the same. Alive working as a barmaid in a place I have never even heard of. She doesn’t even remember me but she was drawn to me just like I was to her all those years ago.” Waldo said. “Kna is worried I might hurt her and honestly so am I. However, if we are to separate again I would have her tell me to go. It would be the most painful thing I ever do but I would leave if she asked. I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me, but I have found my dead lover again, my soulmate and I never thought I would see her. She died so I figured that was it. I did not know about the cycle but now I do. So please give me the chance to win her.” Waldo finished with tears at the corners of his eyes. “Please, I am begging you.” Trag knew Waldo was leaving part out but felt he was being honest and looking at Waldo Trag knew he held this man’s life in his hands at this moment. Trag looked at Waldo and activated several skills he had for conversations like this. Trag knew Waldo did not intend harm at this time or harm to his city.
“For the moment. You have convinced me.” Trag said, still slightly concerned, something about him bothered Trag, but Trag was confident the stranger would be unlikely to deliberately cause problems in Protham.
“Thank you for giving me a chance. I will prove I mean no harm.” Waldo said, starting to recover his composure. Trag grabbed the rope and axe, placing them on his desk.
“Do you know how to cut down a tree?” Trag asked.
“Yes.” Waldo replied.
“As captain of the guard. I am allotted two trees every year. The town allows me to do as I will with the tree tokens, I am issued. The mill will pay me five gold per token on average. However, If I cut the tree down and turn in the tree with the token they will right now pay eight gold. If you cut a tree down and turn it in for me. I will let you keep two gold coins of those eight.” Trag stated placing a token on the table.
“Sounds like a good deal.” Waldo replied.
“Have you hunted boar?” Trag asked.
“I have hunted. Not specifically boar but I am familiar with the complexities they present.” Waldo replied, wondering where this was going.
“Currently, we have a boar problem on the western road and several groups have been attacked by boars. It is quite troublesome. Protham does not have an adventuring guild and most hunters will hunt safer game or only kill one or two boars at a time. You can rent a hand cart for a day for three coppers at the docks. Usually they are used to transport fish around town. They are sturdy carts and can hold several hundred kilos. There are several blacksmiths in town that sell quality steel tipped javelins, for a silver. Now they are not perfect for hunting boar but they should work well enough. Currently, I have placed a bounty on boar kills of a silver per boar jaw turned in. We will even buy the dead boar for one and half coppers per five pounds. However, you could show us the boar, collect the silver, then most local butchers will buy dead boar for two copper per five pounds. Those are the current rates for whole boars” Trag explained.
“Sounds like I have a tree to chop down.” Waldo said standing.
“Out the main gate past the mill and then pick an un-worked tree the taller the better. They pay less for trees shorter than twenty feet and more for trees taller than twenty five feet. If you are willing to search there are some forty and fifty footers out there. I expect six gold regardless.” Trag stated.
“Why are you doing this?” Waldo asked.
“It is not one thing. Lots of little things adding up. Kna is a friend and Lydia is important to her. Kna knows I cannot employ you as a guard. This keeps you out of trouble. Solves a problem for me and if you work hard. Kna might start to like you. I was not going to be able to cut my second tree down before the end of the year. There are more reasons, but in the end, I see no downside for me giving you this chance.” Trag stated plainly.
“Well thank you. I appreciate this.” Waldo said and picked up the axe smiling.
“Good Luck. I plan to eat dinner at Spriggan Inn. So if you get back after sunset you can find me there.” Trag said, gesturing for Waldo to leave.
“Thank you, again!” Waldo said, leaving. After he closed the door he looked for Violet but she was not there. Waldo headed to the stairs back to the entryway. Violet wasn’t there either so he left a message for her and headed back to the Inn. Waldo wanted to ditch his armor before heading out to cut down a tree.

First / Previous
Jori stood at the edge of the alleyway, pressed up against the wall of The Wandering Fowl as she peered into the narrow street’s depths. Humming echoed from within; a soft, gentle tune that originated from the girl that stood on the snow covered path.
Her sister.
Aria’s attention was not focused towards the end of the street, but rather on the large furred beast in front of her. The auroc groaned gently as the girl moved her brush, patting the bovine as she was lost within the rhythm of her own tune. She reached up and scratched the beast behind its horn, provoking a satisfied bellow from the large animal as it nuzzled up against her. Aria’s giggle broke her melody, ringing out with the same innocent tone that a child’s laugh could only produce.
Just like any other girl.
Pain panged in Jori’s heart, a dull ache that still possessed enough bite to make her clutch at her chest. She looked towards the ground, eyes focusing on the sack that sat at her feet. Its cloth had been pushed to its limit, burgeoning from what had been stuffed within. Jori was content to lose herself for a moment, to forget about the growing hollowness in her stomach, but she was brought out of her trance with a tap on her arm.
“Jori?” Jon asked, her brother’s tone a mix of worry and apprehension.
“I… I’m…” she swallowed, “we could just leave it here. She doesn’t need us bothering her after all she’s been through.”
She started to move away from the alley, but her brother caught her shoulders.
“We’ve come this far Jori, and she leaves today,” he said, his tone heavy, “we can’t back away now.”
She frowned at him, “Brave words for the one making me go first.”
Jon scratched his head, “You’re the oldest, you gotta take charge in these things.”
Jori opened her mouth to respond, but froze as she saw the tremble in her brother’s fingers.
She sighed, “Ok, I’ll do it,” steeling herself, Jori slapped her cheeks, straightened her back, and spun around.
Only to jump at who she saw.
Though he was without armor or helmet, Helbram was easily recognizable in a small town like Redhaven. He was tall, taller than most in the village, but not so much that it would make him a giant, and there were farmers that possessed broader frames than him. However, none carried the same presence as the adventurer. There was an air to the man that threaded the line between gentle and imposing, as if he could switch between the two at the drop of a hat if needed.
As he loomed over the siblings, he trended towards the latter.
He may have been brought into the village in an unconscious state, but any sign of his incapacitation had vanished over the fortnight that it took for him and his party to recover, letting the full weight of his gaze settle over Jori as he looked the two over with unblinking eyes. His vision eventually settled on the bag next to Jori’s feet, and, after a moment of study, a smile broke from his emotionless guise.
He leaned against the wall and tilted his head towards the alley, “Go to her, we will give you some peace.”
Jori tilted her head, eventually realizing that the “we” Helbram mentioned included Leaf, who stood behind him closer to the tavern’s door. The half elven man looked at them with a frown, one that did not reach his eyes, and turned his gaze back to the street, saying nothing.
Jon prodded her in the back, which was enough to get her moving. She picked up the bag and walked past Helbram, marching into the alleyway with enough force behind her steps to echo through the narrowed path.
Echoes that made Aria turn towards her.
As the sisters’ eyes met, both froze. Jon stumbled into Jori’s back, but upon seeing Aria looking at them stopped in his tracks as well. Their sister’s eyebrows were raised in surprise, and the girl leaned against the auroc at her side for support. Her hands clutched at her brush, and the small shake to her fingers revealed the trepidation that the girl felt at the sight of her siblings. It was a sight that made Jori’s heart fall.
But she pressed on.
She walked closer, taking cautious steps towards her sister as she held the bag in front of her. Aria did not react to her approach, but Jori settled at stopping a stone’s throw away. She knelt down and opened the bag.
Revealing the bundles of clothing within.
“We didn’t know how much you needed…” Jori started, “and we didn’t know what your sizes were, so we gathered all we could.”
“We made sure there weren’t any holes in ‘em either,” Jon added in haste, “they may have been ours but they should last you a long while,” like Jori, his eyes were focused towards the ground and not the girl in front of them.
Their sister said nothing.
“We put some blankets in there too,” Jon said, “I know the cold doesn’t bother you but-”
Jori stomped on her brother’s foot. He winced, but upon realizing what he said kept his lips sealed. Cautiously, she looked up towards Aria, staring at the girl’s lips to avoid her eyes.
No reaction.
They stood in silence, the air between them growing more hollow by the moment. It was an emptiness that started to creep back into Jori’s heart, a sense of futility that told her to turn around and walk away. She clenched her hands into fists and pushed that instinct to the side, forcing herself to look her sister in the eye.
“I’m sorry,” she said, the words cracking as her vision blurred, “for abandoning you, for being scared of you. For being an awful, awful sister,” she blinked furiously to keep her tears from falling, “you deserved so much better, and I know there is nothing I can do to make up for what I have done.”
“What we have done,” Jon said, his voice a trembling mess, “I’m sorry too. Sorry for being such a poor brother, for thinking that what I had done was the only… the right thing to do,” he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath to steady himself, “It’s not our place to say this, but we hope wherever you go you find the happiness you deserve.”
Still, Aria did not respond.
Any bravery that the siblings held vanished at their sister’s silence. Jori’s gaze fell and, when nothing else was said, she spun around to leave, grabbing her brother’s arm.
“I can’t forgive you.”
Jori’s heart shattered to pieces.
The instinct to run swelled within her, to flee from the burden of guilt that crashed against her shoulders. The shake in her brother’s arm told her that Jon felt the same, but neither of them moved.
Whatever was to be said, they deserved.
“The words are there… but as I try to say them, I can only see you as you were before,” Aria said, “The ones who laughed and played outside my door as I could only look on. The ones who ignored me as they continued to be happy, to be loved. I can’t say it, not after all this time.”
Jori could hear the weeping in her sister’s voice, but neither her nor Jon could bring themselves to look back as their own tears streamed down their faces.
“But I can say thank you,” Aria’s footsteps drew closer, “for the clothes… and for trying to save me.”
It was the sibling’s time to be silent.
“We may never see each other again, but I hope the best for the both of you.”
An impulse washed over Jori then, an urge to turn around and embrace her sister, to cry into the girl’s shoulders and let her do the same, to be like siblings should have been.
But it was too late for that.
“We hope the best for you too,” Jori said, unable to face her sister. She went to say more, but the words caught at her throat.
Unable to take anymore, Jori ran, letting the desire to escape take over. She hurried past the Helbram and Leaf into the street, her steps carrying her far enough into Redhaven that they were out of sight. Jon was at her side, and when their sprint could carry them no further they collapsed to the ground, chests heaving as their sobs hindered their ability to catch their breath.
Tears flowed from their eyes, unending as they traced down their cheeks, splashing onto the street as they continued to cry. They ignored the stares of the townsfolk that walked by, too lost in the tide of emotions that carried them this far. When the tears finally slowed, Jori could still feel the sorrow within her chest, the pain that dug into her heart, unable to leave.
But it had faded.
Their sister’s words did not relieve Jori of the burden of guilt, but it had reduced it to a dull ache. One that she could live with.
Must live with.
Jori wiped the tears from her eyes and stood up. She held a hand out to Jon and, after her brother wiped his face, he took it with a firm grip as she helped him up. They met each other’s gaze and shared a nod. They had to continue on, to be the best that they could be, for their sake.
For their sister’s wishes.
___
Aria watched her siblings disappear from the alley’s exit. When they were gone, the grip on her brush relaxed and she let go of the breath that she was holding. She looked towards the bag in front of her and knelt down. Curiosity fueled her hands then, placing the brush down and pulling a piece of clothing from the parcel. It revealed itself to be a shirt as it unfolded, the size only a tad larger than what she needed. It was weaved from a white cloth, and in every way was unremarkable.
Yet the sight of it made her happy.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of oncoming footsteps. Helbram and Leaf approached, and while the usual frown-faced man looked at her with some concern, his companion was more relaxed, yet somehow focused at the same time.
Helbram knelt down in front of her, “Are you alright?”
Aria nodded, “I don’t know if it was the right thing to say.”
He put his hand on her head, “Yours is a situation that is a bit more complicated than right or wrong,” he admitted, “and in such times it is better to instead ask this: did you do all that you needed to do?”
She looked down, thinking for a moment, but moved her gaze up to match his, “Yes, I did.”
Helbram smiled at her, “Then that, for now, is all that matters,” he ruffled her hair and stood up, taking the bag into his hand. He held it out for her to put the shirt back into it and held it out to Leaf, who took it as he walked over to Bessie.
“I’ll get her sorted out,” Leaf said, “now go do what you have to do.”
Helbram let out a breath and looked to Aria, “Are you ready?”
She nodded, one that he returned.
He turned towards the tavern’s side door, but waited for Aria to walk ahead of him before he followed. As they walked through The Wandering Fowl’s kitchen, she caught sight of both Elly and Jahora packing various foodstuffs. The taller woman bit into an apple absentmindedly as she peered into the tavern’s icebox. As she noticed them walk by, her ears perked up, and she met Helbram’s eyes with a knowing gaze. Jahora caught sight of them next, saying nothing but flashing Aria an encouraging smile as they walked through the door and into the tavern’s main hall.
She walked up the building’s stairs and down the hallway of rooms that composed its second floor. As her hand reached towards the door that lay at the end of the path, Helbram placed his hand on the doorknob in her stead.
“Are you certain of this?” he asked, his tone measured, but unable to hide the concern beneath.
The weight of the question gave rise to the doubt that sat beneath her determination. Given what had transpired… it would not be wrong of her to leave the door closed, to leave what lay beyond it behind her.
But her heart said otherwise.
Steeling herself, Aria straightened her back and took in a deep breath, “Yes.”
Helbram patted her shoulder, “Then do what you must.”
He opened the door and followed after her as she walked in, facing the two people at the opposite side of the room.
Cora and Erik.
The two Shade’s were still bound, their hands restricted behind their back with Sealing Cuffs while rope tied their legs together. In all practical ways they could do no harm, but that did not stop the flutter that Aria could feel stirring in her chest. Whilst Erik maintained a neutral expression upon noticing Aria, Cora’s own dejected guise shifted to surprise as her eyes fell upon her. Surprise that gave way to something else, though Aria could not tell what. The girl stepped further into the room, and while Helbram did not loom over her, he shifted his position so that she was never out of his reach.
Aria’s lips trembled as she searched for the words to speak, her breath shaking as they refused to form. She squeezed her hands in frustration, the fluttering in her chest now a rapid pounding as she could not form a sentence no matter how hard she tried. She’d ruminated over it far before this moment, yet the sight of the couple, their silence as they waited for her to speak, pushed all those thoughts from her mind. In its place she could only remember Erik and Cora as they were. That kindly man who fed her, who treated her as something more than a monster to be ignored, to be shunned. The bright woman who sat her in her lap and brushed her hair, giving her the warmth of a mother she never had.
She knew that is not who they were, that it was an act meant to make her like them, to feel indebted to them.
But it felt real, the happiness that it gave her was real, and it was that which stopped the words at her throat. She looked to the floor, unable to look at the two any longer, but took in a deep breath and closed her eyes.
“Thank you,” she said, “for taking care of me.”
It was a selfish thing to say, something that she could blurt out without damaging the fragile integrity of memories based on falsehood. She’d meant to confront them, but could only find the words to run away.
“Aria.”
She looked up, heart stopping as her eyes met with Cora’s. Gone was the woman’s previous madness, that twisted look in her eyes as she called her a name that was not hers. In its place was the same Cora that she always knew. The one who always wore a smile, who always looked at her with warmth. It was a falsehood, she knew that.
Yet it brought her comfort all the same.
“It is we who should say thank you,” she said, “for giving us a warmth that we’d not felt in so, so long. And it is we who should say sorry, for trying to take that warmth for ourselves.”
“Live your life, Aria.”
The girl’s gaze drifted to Erik, and she could see that man that she’d met in the alley, that man who made her feel like she belonged, and the memories of that moment brought tears to her eyes.
“Walk the path you want to walk, and let none steer you from it,” he said, “it is not our place to say such things, I know, but we should say it nonetheless.”
“May the Matron keep your path clear, your steps steady,” Cora said
Aria bit her lip, and she felt the impulse to walk up and embrace them, but she stopped herself. Even if they were sincere, she could not forget who they truly were, no matter how much her heart wished to. Still, the desire grew, and the tears started to flow down her face. She smiled at the couple and gave a firm nod, then turned and made for the door.
“You take care of her, you hear me?” Cora said to Helbram.
Aria felt his hand on her shoulder as she stopped at the door. He opened it and gently pushed her forward.
“Of that, you should have no doubt.”
___
Ren stood outside The Wandering Fowl, taking in the brisk Winter air as he stood in the street without a coat. The townsfolk looked at him as if he was mad, but that was no different than the look they’d given all of them upon their return. They did give him a wider berth today, but that was due to the wagon that had been moved to the street. A wheeless construct, the vehicle was held aloft by the crystal located in its undercarriage, one that radiated a green light as Aether coursed through it and the rest of the wagon. Various crates and bags were stuffed under its roof, and it was in the process of being loaded even further as Helbram’s party shoved various bags and foodstuffs into its bed. Had he not known that the magitek design meant that their auroc would feel little of the burden, he would have been inclined to feel pity for the beast.
Part of him still did as Elly stuffed a burgeoning sack of books into an already crowded space.
“Do you think you have enough?” he mused towards the group, “one would think you meant to start a village with all you’re taking.”
Helbram, who just walked out of the wagon’s bed, laughed. He walked up to the Cleric while dusting his hands.
“Winter will prove to be a harsh mistress this year,” he said, “and while I have every faith that our hunter is up to the task of keeping us provided, I’d rather not place such a burden upon him.”
“That, and we’d rather not taste bitter herbs for a spell,” Jahora said as she adjusted Aria’s coat, “a month away from such flavors is much too short.”
Leaf’s head poked from behind the wagon, “Oi, if the plants bite back then it's good for ya, don’t blame me for having the wisdom to recognize it.”
“Oh we have the wisdom,” Elly said as she joined Helbram at his side, “we just choose to embrace comfort in its stead.”
“Bunch of soft bellied louts, the lot of ya.”
Aria giggled as Leaf’s grumbles faded into the background. She took Jahora’s hand as the Mage guided her towards Ren. The smaller woman was all smiles when she looked at the girl, but as her eyes cut to the side wariness flashed through her features.
Leon sat on the stairs leading into the tavern. His hands were still bound, and rather than meeting anyone’s eyes he kept his eyes to the ground. Ren frowned as he looked at his companion, partially regretting his decision to push Leon to at least see the party off. He encouraged it anyways; the alternative just didn’t feel right.
He just hoped Leon felt the same.
As Leaf finished adjusting Bessie’s harness, he jogged up and joined with his companions, his caution towards Ren’s companion less concealed than the others as he glared in the Black Cloak’s direction.
“So where are you off to, after all this?” Helbram asked Ren.
“As we originally planned,” the Cleric said, “we make for Blade’s Rest, meeting up with a larger cohort before we travel back to headquarters,” he scratched his head, “Winter will prolong our travels a fair bit, but we’d best be moving as quick as possible now that we’ve fully recovered.”
“Of that, we are of similar minds,” Elly said.
“What of you? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“Whitebridge,” Helbram said, “it was where we were heading before all this, and we see no reason not to continue on.”
Ren rubbed his chin, “Whitebridge eh? That is quite the journey…” he looked to Aria. The girl was not cautious around him, he could sense that she was on edge. No doubt due to Leon’s presence. And given his companions actions… she had every right to be.
As he looked upon her, however, he thought towards Erik and Cora, about how they knew that she would be in such a remote village like Redhaven. As he did, he removed the symbol of Velendel from his neck and placed his hand over it. The matching eye on his forehead glowed with a golden light as he made an effort of will, casting a spell over the amulet that left it glowing for a moment before the light faded away. He walked over to Jahora and knelt down in front of the Mage, presenting the amulet to her. She looked at him in confusion, and did not reach for the necklace.
“I am not certain, but I believe someone may possess the means to find Aria from afar. That is the only way I can think of to explain why Erik and Cora decided to settle here of all places.”
“A Scryer, perhaps?” Elly inquired, “Though typically their reach is fairly limited.”
“For the average one, yes,” Ren admitted, “but were the Scryer a Shade… then it may very well be possible,” he looked back at Jahora, “concealment magics are not my speciality, but with enough of Velendel’s grace I do believe that wearing this will keep Aria from their watchful gaze, though the enchantment will need refreshing often. And I do recognize it is suspicious of me to provide this under such pretenses, but I ask that you trust me in this.”
Jahora looked into his eyes and, after a moment, took the amulet from him. She directed her attention to Aria, who had her eyes narrowed in clear effort to keep up with the conversation.
“Do you want to wear this?” she asked the girl, holding the necklace out to her.
Aria reached out and touched the amulet, brow furrowed as she ran her fingers along its various ridges, “It feels… warm.”
The girl nodded and let Jahora put it on her. When the Mage did, Aria looked at it again.
“It’s a bit ugly though,” she said before slipping it under her coat.
Ren snorted, “Of that, we are in agreement.”
“Are you certain of this?” Helbram asked, “I have little knowledge in the ways of divine magic, but a Cleric without their Symbol strikes me as something of a hindrance.”
“We’d hardly be that forminable if a bit of jewelry was our lifeline,” Ren said as he stood up, “Please, pay it no mind. Besides, this is the perfect opportunity to get a new one, perhaps one not so garish,” he winked at Aria, and she smiled at him.
“Well, thank you, again,” Helbram said as he held out his hand, “when we next meet, the round is on me.”
Ren smiled and took the man’s hand, “Multiple rounds, perhaps? I’ve a feeling my superiors will be placing me in a drinking mood soon enough.”
Helbram chuckled, “That can be arranged.”
As they let go of one another Ren clapped his hands, “I’ve delayed you long enough, you’d best be off before Spring sets in.”
The party smiled at him and made their way to the wagon.
All except Helbram.
The man marched towards Leon, who’s posture remained unchanging at his approach. Even if the Black Cloak didn’t look at him, Helbram held his hand out.
“Farewell Leon,” he said, “I hope if we cross swords again it will be as we did the first time, not the last.”
Leon didn’t look up.
Helbram sighed, but rather than drop his hand, he gave Leon a quick pat on the shoulder and went to join his party. Before long their wagon disappeared from Ren’s sight, and his companion still did not move.
The Cleric took a seat next to Leon, “It is going to be quite the burden if I have to transport three bound people,” he said.
The Black Cloak remained silent.
Frowning, Ren made to move back into the tavern, but stopped as Leon finally spoke.
“She seemed so… normal.”
“Aria? Yes, the seal is broken but she appears to be in control of herself,” Ren mused, “an interesting development for one as young as her, but it is not unheard of to gain control of one’s Shade.”
“It was out of control Ren, a power that I had not seen since… since…” he fell silent.
“And yet, there she was, hale and hearty as any child should be.”
“I know… I know,” there was a growing frustration in Leon’s voice, “And it has made me think. Had I called out enough, urged him enough… would he still be here today?”
Ren heart ached for his friend, “We can’t know that.”
“And yet, now we have an idea,” Leon said, “proof that such a thing is possible,” tears dropped from Leon’s face as he looked up, “I was so certain he was lost Ren, and the look he gave me told me he thought so as well, but there she was, in the same position, the same abyss of hopelessness, and she came back.”
There was nothing Ren could say to that.
“How many? How many have I killed thinking that they were too far gone? Thinking that I was putting an end… stopping tragedy before it could happen?” He buried his head in his hands, “I’m sorry Astraeus, I’m so sorry…”
Ren walked in front of his companion and pulled him up, “Look at me Leon.”
When he refused to do so, the Cleric forced his gaze up. The Black Cloak’s eyes were red, and the despair beneath them seemed bottomless.
“I understand your grief,” he said, “And I know that you need time to process all of it, but what you can’t let it do is drag you under. Doing so will not help anyone. It will not honor your brother’s memory.”
Leon closed his eyes.
“Let us make our way back to headquarters, and when we are in more stable conditions, we can work through all of this. We can’t afford to fall apart now, do you understand?”
His companion’s breaths slowed as he controlled himself. When his eyes finally opened, a measure of control had returned. Grief still sat behind them, but for now it did not overwhelm Leon, and that was all Ren could ask for at the moment.
“I understand,” the Black Cloak said.
“Good,” Ren unbound the man’s arms, “and when we get back, know that you will always have my aid. We’ll get through this, of that I have no doubt.”
Leon clasped his arm, “Thank you, truly.”
Ren returned the gesture, “What are friends for?”
___
Helbram yawned as he stretched, leaning back on the wagon’s driver seat.
“Don’t you start with that,” Leaf fussed, “We’ve been on the road for barely an hour.”
“I am afraid I must,” Helbram objected in an overly dramatic tone, “my injuries have left me weakened and unable to handle the wear and tear of the road.”
Leaf pressed his lips thin and rolled his eyes.
Elly snorted from within the wagon, “Perhaps you need a distraction? I could teach you how to use a needle so you may be of some use.”
Helbram looked back at her. The Weaver held the sleeve of a pair of pants in her hands, her hands moving with practiced precision as the needle in her fingers glided in and out of the cloth.
“Nonsense,” Helbram said, “I would only slow you down.”
“Perhaps,” she admitted, “but the company would be appreciated.”
She smiled as they both looked at Aria and Jahora. They both leaned against each other as they slept, a contentment on both their faces that was enough to banish any thoughts of waking them from their nap.
“Another time, perhaps,” Helbram said in a quieter tone.
“I’ll hold you to that.”
He flashed her a smile before turning back in his seat, noting Leaf’s now serious expression.
“Everything alright?”
His companion scratched his head, “Honestly I’m just feeling a bit out of my depth. I don’t know how to raise a child, nor one that happens to be a font of magic,” he sighed, “I’m just trying to process it all.”
Hebram rubbed his chin, “It is quite a lot to take in, I admit, but it is not as if you are doing this alone,” he snorted, “I know Jahora would raise quite the objection were you solely in charge of her care.”
Leaf laughed, “That she would… but still, it’s just… overwhelming.”
“It is, and the how of it all escapes me even now, but I know it is something that we must do.”
“Together,” Elly added.
Helbram nodded, “Together.”
Leaf shook his headband and chuckled, “Well now I just feel foolish. Onwards then?”
Helbram pointed down the road.
“Onwards.”

Hedge Knight Arc Four: The Cursed Child
End.
First / Previous
Author's Note: And there we have it, the end of another arc. Still not gonna get over how I said this was going to be a shorter one and it somehow matched the last arc in length. Overall I'm happy with how this one turned out. It's smaller stakes than the last arc, but I think it was a good exploration of the characters, especially Jahora, Leon, and Aria, and that's kind of the reason I try and keep things small scale like this. I'm finding myself enjoying the character dynamics more and more as I write this story, and I feel like its important to explore these interactions fully to really build investment not only with the party, but any events that may happen to them. To that end I toned back the action a bit, aside from the duel, so we can have a full explosive finish. One that admittedly mentally fried me as I tried to make sense of all that as happening, but I think I prefer that over having action for action's sake.
But, the story will continue! Lots of threads were thrown out here and I did try to wrap up some of the immediate ones, but there are also plenty that could possibly be explored down the line. The focus will remain on Helbram and his party of course, but I do like giving the sense that there is something else going on within the world beyond what the party is seeing.
Let me know what you thought of this arc! Did you prefer this over the last arc and is there anything that stands out in this arc that you either liked/disliked. I'm always trying to improve and your feedback goes a really long way to making sure this is the best content I can make for you.
Till next time everyone, have a good one!
If you wish to read ahead and gain access to the audiobook version of this story, consider supporting me on Patreon (https://patreon.com/criticalscribe). If you want to leave a donation, here is my Ko-fi (https://ko-fi.com/criticalscribe).

“Another piece removed from play.” A powerful voice said as Waldo felt himself get dragged across the floor. Waldo was confused and his body hurt everywhere. Waldo wondered what had happened and he tried to move his limbs but quickly realized he could not. Waldo tried to look around but his body did not want to respond. He knew he was in a cave of some kind because the ceiling is covered in small stalactites. Waldo suddenly felt himself being lifted up and saw an old grizzled Orc smiling as it slammed him into a chair. Waldo felt pain shoot all through his back. “Oh, well that won’t do. I cannot send you in a cripple.”
“Aaaahhh!” Waldo screamed as he felt metal passing through his body and ripped out his chest. Waldo felt himself bleeding to death with his innards ripped apart. Waldo began to weep from the pain as he felt the light begin to fade.
“Don’t be so dramatic. It is just a little pain.” The Orc said, lifting his head up to look him in the eyes. “I’ll have you put back together, before future even knows you're gone.” The Orc said, ramming his hand into his chest. Waldo felt himself being healed as the Orc’s hand moved around in his body. “Just another day.” The Orc said with a smile that made Waldo’s blood run cold. However, after a moment Waldo almost felt whole again and his neck began to obey as he looked around the cavern seeing hundreds of identical Orcs working on people and moving them around. Waldo watched as they passed through portals with people coming back with different ones. “Enjoying the show Waldo?” The Orc said, moving into his line of sight.
“What is this place?” Waldo asked, through gritted teeth pushing through the pain. “My workshop of course.” The Orc said smiling.
“What are you?” Waldo asked.
“We are not a what but a who. We are all one and the same. We are the reaper. The reincarnator. The collector of the lost. The healer of all. I am Death.”
“What happened?” Waldo asked, not really understanding.
“I decided to remove you from play. I can’t have you around to interfere with other plans and this gives you a chance to become more. I directly intervened, I am not supposed to do that as a rule but you have chosen to serve Future or Jonah and he seeks my extinction. Unfortunately, for you I won’t go extinct without a fight.” The Orc said calmly as Waldo’s innards finished reassembling themselves. “For all his power he never really took the time to understand it. He thinks a thousand years is enough time to come into his own as a god making a Future?” The Orc laughed cruelly. “He lived eighty million years learning and growing, but is placed first in one tournament of conflict using a fraction of his experience only accessing six life times worth of knowledge and thinks he can destroy me?” The Orc scoffed.
“Future is wonderful, he will save us all from you.” Waldo retorted.
“No one is coming to save you, Dragon Killer. Time has spoken. Mother of all. The goddess of movement. Without her there is nothing. Future crossed a line and all his dragon killing generals are dead. Did you think we wouldn’t notice cause you play at being a little foot soldier. No one fools death. No one escapes death. I always get my due. I could have left you to your hunts and mothers agent would have eventually brought you to my door. However, I could not wait on you. Your potential is so much more than Jonah sees.” The Orc responded coldly.
“What do you want of me?” Waldo asked, feeling dread realizing the Orc was telling the truth. Future had been impossible to reach and Waldo was in hiding. Waldo just did not know why but this made sense. Time had moved to protect her people and Jonah had sold them out so he could keep moving forward. Waldo had the pieces but until now he refused to accept the obvious.
“I want you to come into your own. I will crush Jonah, I expect more gods will be needed and this time I want those with the potential to be prepared. The others think they can stay out of Futures war with me but they are learning he is making war on all of us. I told father that a man could never be future and I am proving to be right. Some part of me thinks he knew and this is a test of some kind but I cannot fathom why he would do this. He has always beaten me in any game we play. You must learn and since Jonah is failing to prepare you, I will.” The Orc spoke as he went through the things Waldo was carrying.
“How do you intend to do that?” Waldo asked, trying to struggle against his bonds and then realizing the room had shifted. They were now alone. Waldo was not sure when the workshop had changed but now they were in a simpler room.
“First, I will give you access to a million of your lifetimes.” The Orc said, placing a bowl on Waldo’s lower lip. “Drink in your extracted memories.” Waldo tentatively touched his tongue to the liquid and suddenly he stood on a top of a small hill holding hands with a girl. Waldo realized he was a child as she was but somehow felt she was beautiful. “All of it please.” The Orc said bring Waldo back to the moment. Waldo drank it in feeling life times wash over him. He did not know how long it took but when he was done drinking he felt both young and old. Waldo laughed lightly. “The reunion is always pleasant, then I tell them it is a price paid for a toll.”
“What?” Waldo asked, feeling fear rise in his chest.
“Oh, nothing too terrible. Not like I am removing your memories of your love or sending you to a barren waste world. I am sending you to a gaming world. It should be interesting at the very least. It will make you invisible to Jonah and I will call off mothers’ hunters so you should be able to live out the rest of this life there. The world is even hosting your soulmate in the age I am placing you in. I will even land you near her.” The Orc said smiling.
“Then what is the toll?” Waldo asked.
“Two fold. No more magic.” The Orc said, placing a hand on his chest. Waldo felt his skin ignite then the feeling ran to his bones. Waldo screamed in agony. The pain was beyond all comprehension and suddenly it was no more. Waldo woke up with a hand slapping him lightly. “No sleeping on the job.” The Orc said lightly.
“Why did it hurt so?” Waldo asked weakly.
“I had to bind the spell to your bones. I changed the very shape of what makes you… you. That is no simple thing since I am only removing your ability to do magic and nothing else. You will remember all you know but just not be able to interact with it in the way you had. A change of this caliber is always painful. Now for the second part.” The Orc said, bringing out a red flask. “Taking your magic really is a low cost affair. Especially since it only will last for your time on Ur. Really, I only need to give you a lifetime or two of memories for that. This is the really pricey part. You thought that was painful. This, well it is extreme even for me. However, you have shown resilience and I expect this will add new dimensions to your character. Last time I did this it took years for the soul to recover but that was rushed and crude. I have been careful this time. My hope is that as you come to terms with it that you will start to see the curve of the universe and appreciate all things more. However, the final outcome of this will be all up to you. I cannot force you to be what I want.” The Orc stated, looking at the flask.
“What is it?” Waldo asked, nervously.
“More memories. Copied memories.” The Orc said calmly.
“Whose. . .” Waldo started to ask but as his mouth opened the Orc moved faster than he could react. Uncorking the bottle with one finger and shoving the bottle in his mouth and forcing Waldo to drink it. The memories flooded into Waldo and he stopped struggling before he had even swallowed the foul red liquid. “Why?. . . why?. . . why. . .” Waldo wept.
“Why indeed? Do you see the fool you have been blindly following Jonah? The pain you have caused?” The Orc asked, releasing Waldo’s bonds, dropping the bottle to shatter against the ground.
“It was supposed to make things better. It was supposed to give him more control to destroy you.” Waldo said, weakly feeling the full repercussions of each dragon he had killed, even Time’s pain at losing a child of her race.
“Of course he would tell you that along with telling you that I am keeping you trapped in an infinite cycle of reincarnations. However, now you know the truth, which is no simple thing to come to terms with after what you have done.” The Orc said, turning to look away.
“I cannot bear this, please take it away.” Waldo cried.
“You cannot bear the burden of truth!” The Orc said, angrily grabbing him. “You must and you will learn or you will fail to become. You think your burden is great? You made your burden! All I did was force you to carry your mess.” The Orc dragged Waldo across the room to a mirror and touched the side of it, turning it into a one way viewer. The Orc held him up forcing Waldo to view the scene of a woman working in a village field surrounded by others working in the same field. “My love is banished from the heavens. She chose to sacrifice everything for a better future because she could not see a way forward. She relinquished her position as future and was banished from heaven because she decided she had failed. She has never betrayed me. She never betrayed the gods. She never decided to fight everyone. She only did what she thought was best after careful thought and consideration. However, now I can only see her once a year for one day. I only get this privilege because I continue to serve my father. We used to spend every moment together. Billions of years side by side and for the last five thousand years I see her once a year for one day. We both only do what we think is best but we have been forced apart. Can you even begin to imagine what that is like? And you cannot bear the burden of your own making.” The Orc said, angrily dragging Waldo next to the table he had been strapped to. The Orc picked up a piece of metal he had extracted from Waldo earlier. “Find a way and become or wallow in your own self pity. I don’t care anymore.” The Orc picked up Waldo’s pack and strapped it to him and even placed his sidearm in his holster. Lastly, he rammed the piece of metal into Waldo’s arm. “Find a way or never leave Ur. Regardless, I will send your soulmate to you as often as I can.” Then unceremoniously tossed Waldo into a shimmering pool.

I've got more air sun friends than I've got friends of all other elements combined, especially Gems and Aquas. Seriously. We're on the same wavelength despite me being fire and earth dominant, and since we function in a similar way emotionally, we usually feel the most comfortable being vulnerable with each other. I've noticed different patterns in different signs and planets, and combinations with other placements...
Here are some of them:
My Gem sun and Mercury, Leo moon, and Taurus Mars and Venus friend: very typical Gem in most ways. Except she's very expressive and emotional in her love expressions - she's cried when saying she loved me a few times (we're pretty much family - 2/3 of her kiddos call me aunt, the third is a little too old for that - he was a teen when we met) and frequently expresses her love and appreciation. When it comes to vulnerability, she'll laugh when talking about what's bothering her... And then sometimes start to cry through her laughter, followed by either just crying or continued laughter and tears, while I hug her. When she's done she goes back to being her bubbly self.
My Libra sun and Venus, Sagittarius moon, Scorpio Mercury and Virgo Mars friend: this dude will never admit to his painful emotions, I swear. Not with anyone, even if I'm one of the few he calls when he's having a hard time. He'll laugh through all of it, and his eyes are the only thing that expose him - on the other hand, he's awful at hiding them due to his eyes being so expressive. I'll just hug him and give him reassurance when I can tell he needs it, without pushing him. He'll be appreciative and return my affection, but then joke about me being too soft, with a warm smile. He's VERY expressive when it comes to love and affection though, even if he balances it up with roasts to avoid things staying vulnerable and emotionally intimate for too long.
My Aqua sun and Mercury, Aries moon, Pisces Venus and Cap Mars love/situationship and friend: eye contact with him is intense - his eyes are extremely expressive, and we can have a whole convo through just gazing into each other's eyes. He is also be very warm and affectionate, but 9/10 times in a playful way to avoid our vulnerability having too "intense and serious vibes" - but can occasionally be very soft, gentle and loving in a serious way. He's cried in my arms two times, but I can count the times I've seen him cry the 7 years we've known each other on one hand. He shares his vulnerabilities and traumas, but refuses to seem weak so he'll dismiss, trivialize and make jokes about it two seconds later. Very aloof (warm, goofy and social but unemotional) when we're not alone together. He also makes sure people know he favorises me without saying it when we're around others by roasting me, being playful in a way he isn't with others, trying to make sure he's got my attention and always focusing on me when he's being cheeky in a group convo - but gives people he isn't that close to more actual compliments than me in front of others.
My Aqua sun, Venus and Mars, Cap moon and Pisces Mercury friend: surprisingly the most expressive with her feelings of ALL my air friends - both her vulnerable/painful ones AND her loving and affectionate ones. I've seen her cry plenty of times. She's very emotionally present 90% of the time, at least around me. Extremely talkative and bubbly, more like a Gem than an Aqua in her overall behavior... Apart from her eccentric "mad scientist" side, and the fact that she's somehow got a chill and collected energy even when she's the most energetic lol. We've admitted to always having feelings for each other (after years of both of us staying silent about it), but we admitted to it at the wrong time...
My Gem sun, Libra moon, Taurus Mercury and Venus and Virgo Mars friend: the most airy of them all. He's opened up a few times, but despite having known him for over 7 years, I've only seen him cry once. When he's struggling, best thing to do is just staying close to him, holding his arm and giving him compliments and subtle reassurance... All while laughing along with him, and being attentive to when he's ready to talk about it. He's intense, bubbly and hyperactive - the biggest goofball of them all, and so full of life. Also great at boosting my confidence and making me feel loved.
My Gem sun and moon, Taurus Mercury, Cancer Venus and Virgo Mars: he'll laugh through his tough days, but can also be very vulnerable with me and his other close friends, actually allowing himself to stay in those feelings without joking around. He shows affection in an unconventional but very genuine way. Like the time he said "[my name] is absolute trash. But like... In a really good way. I relate to racoons - I love trash, so I love her". He's very attentive to the emotions of people he cares about (despite having ADHD and having his mind all over the place when it comes to everything else), and I can't hide mine from him - he'll be right there to reassure me and offer a shoulder to cry on.
My Aqua sun and Mercury, Gemini moon, Pisces Venus and Virgo Mars friend: she'll gladly talk about her vulnerable emotions, but it tends to be in a "matter of fact" way rather than being emotionally present. I've seen her cry twice, but one out of these times it wasn't cause she chose to reach out for my support, but rather cause she couldn't hold it in, and felt safe enough to at least not try to hide it. She's very affectionate and loving though, and has a really warm and sincere energy. She's amazing at comforting both me and others when we need it, has fantastic intuition and instinctively know when it's most helpful for her to make a silly joke, and when she needs to just listen and hug us.
I find it interesting that the one with both her sun, Venus and Mars in Aqua is the least detached and avoidant when it comes to showing emotions, and the one with Libra sun and Sag moon the most detached and vulnerability avoidant... What's your experience when it comes to different air signs in different personal planets, and what other signs/placements in their big 6 seem to play a part?

So I’ve had the worst pride month so far and just need to vent, buckle in cause this is an EXTREMLY long one.
Some backstory I (17f soon to be 18) have known I was into women since as young as 13, I had unlimited access to the internet and knew about different sexualities so it was very easy for me, well for the longest while I went by pansexual. I had come out to my mom almost a year ago as her and I were always close, well she just didn’t care and almost pretended like I didn’t. This year however I realized that I was actually a lesbian and came out to her and 2 weeks before pride month, it didn’t go all to well and our relationship is a bit strained but it was fine until this past weekend.
Onto the worst pride month of my life:
Saturday June 1st:
Well comes June first, I worked at 6am and got home at 12, I had a rough day at work and was just ready to relax, well my mom and I step out the car and suddenly I am being cornered by my ex step-father (him and my mom broke up about 6 months ago at this point and he already moved out months ago). Apparently he found my socials which clearly state I’m a lesbian and felt it was his “duty” to tell my mom even though they aren’t together any more 😒. He proceeded to tell her had had screenshots and blah blah blah in case I tried to deny it but obviously I didn’t because my mom already knew.
WELL she threw me under the bust and pretended she didn’t know just to appease him, I was annoyed by this so I just went inside to my room and locked my door. Well about 10-15 minutes later she comes banging on my door and is fuming with me, apparently my ex step-father didn’t want my brothers (I have 4 brothers who are his kids) living with me and was threatening to take them and it was my fault. She blamed me for everything saying I ruined her life (yes HER life, not mine who has just been outed, HERS) she forced me to take down all gay stuff from my accounts and I ended up setting them to private them.
Well later my my ex-stepfather starts calling my phone, I don’t answer obviously so he sends my brother to come call me so we can talk (I later found out he outed me to my brothers as well and asked them if they knew I was a lesbian, not cool dude 😒). Well he surprised me by talking about how he raised me since I was 2, and didn’t care what identified as and loved me regardless (dude never apologized for what he said or did but I’ll give him a pass). Well he was about to say something else, when his mother started CRYING saying him leaving ruined her life, (Yes his mom still lives with us, that’s a whole story in itself) so he left. I had one more fight with my mom about everything and then that was the end of day 1, Yep just day 1, more shit happened on day 2 and 3.
Sunday June 2nd:
So it is now June second and obviously I was pretty upset considering the events on the previous day as not only was it pride month but my 18th was only a month away, I had work that day but called out because after the shit show the day prior I was NOT in any place mentally to go to work (about 80% of my co-workers are apart of the lgbtqia+ community and I knew seeing them all happy about pride month would make me upset). So instead I went out with a friend as we had already prior made plans to go thrifting that day before I had work and after the day I had the other day this was just what I needed. Well it was a fun and eventful day ending with us getting lost and (once again a story for another day). Well I get back home and ex-stepfather is in the kitchen? I say good evening out of respect and head to my room when DAMN I’m being cornered AGAIN, I thankfully got to relax a little before I was attacked but suddenly my mom comes to my room and is furious.
Apparently my ex-stepfathers sister had found out (who lives all the way in Jamaica by the way, and this went down in Canada) and was nagging my mom about it and blaming my ex-stepfather for me being a lesbian and my mom was not happy about it. (Yes she is still in contact with his family, and the reason she blames him is cause he cheated and treated my mom horribly so she thinks he made me hate men 😒).
My mom was mad he was getting blamed for me being a lesbian, and for me being hostile with him the day before and today (yes she still loves him, once again another story, I feel like at this rate I should create a post for these 😂). This starts an argument between us because I tell her he had no right to out me to my brothers or her, even if she already knew (I don’t know if anyone else knows) She once again talks about how she’s struggling with this and I accidentally sigh out loud (I mean common though if you’re struggling then what about me) well one thing leads to another and we end up fighting, she tries to say I can’t be a lesbian because I dated my ex boyfriend (even though he was the only guy I ever dated before realizing I was lesbian and we’ve had numerous conversations where I told her that she made me feel pressured to date him). Well the fight got super heated and I did say something I’m not proud of after she told me to go read a bible, this resulted in her telling my to call my dad to pick me up so I can stay with him for a while (this is legally allowed as he does have part custody of me and I turn 18 in July)
Eventually after slamming doors and me almost calling my father, we calm down and have a talk (I still live with her currently) the conversation didn’t really go anywhere and we did end up fighting again, this time over different religious views and me talking about how I felt pressured by her to date my ex. The conversation ended because we had to pick up my sister from work and we never picked it up again, it’s still feels like she wasn’t trying to understand me, but I was too exhausted to put any more effort in.
Monday June 3rd:
Never fear this is the last day of the saga and it thankfully was happy, in the end.
Well, it’s Monday and I have to go back to school and it’s also my Bio fathers birthday (which I totally forgot about due to the prior days events and felt extremely bad), I thought I was ok but after a couple pride month announcements, I ended up leaving class and had a breakdown in the hallway (I’m ok now, all the weekends events just finally caught up to me that day). Well, I was found by some teachers and was brought to guidance to talk to somebody after I went back to class and and talked to my teacher about everything who offered me her support (she is an absolute sweetheart, and I love her so much🩷).
Well, I made the executive decision to just tell my father because considering the fact that people in Jamaica were finding out he was going to find out at some point and I wanted him to find out from me (I did intend on telling him, just after my 18th in July incase things went south with my mom, which they almost did).
I sent him a text and turned off my phone for the day, thankfully his response was much more loving than my mothers and he told me he loved me regardless, he picked me up from my moms and we ended up spending the day together and later on we picked up my sister and watched a movie together. I didn’t speak much to my mom this day, aside from telling her I was going out with him.
Well this is it so far, it’s been 6 days but I still can’t get over everything so I just wanted to vent. As of right now my relationship with my mom is improving but still strained and I don’t think it will ever go back to how it was before. Especially considering the fact that my father was very accepting of me, and even my ex-stepfather was more accepting of me than her despite the way he initially reacted.
Well, this is it if you somehow read this entire thing and thank WOW and thank you. If anyone wants clarification, feel free to ask and I’ll edit them onto the post. Also if anyone is curious, I am more than willing to talk about some of the other stories of my family (Trust me it gets CRAZY)

So after graduating high school a couple years ago ive been going through a pretty rough patch. I worked nightshifts at a factory to fulfil my dream of traveling around the world, which i did half a year later, but I was too numb and depressed to actually enjoy it. Picked up some bad habits along the way and started self-medicating with weed. A couple months of substance abuse and a bad sickness later i washed up at home feeling disconnected and lost.
All my friends had moved away for college and all I had left were a couple younger friends who still went to school, music production, and pot. My weed consumption peaked that winter and I‘m pretty sure I got dangerously close to psychosis. I hit rock bottom on Christmas when I cried in front of my mum for hours. That night I decided to quit, and I‘m on my second attempt rn after having a relapse for a month or so up until a couple weeks ago.
Quitting weed has been feeling like a nightmare you can‘t wake up from. Some of the few friends I thought I had left turned out to be completely different people from a sober perspective. Got my aunt to help me apply to universities, sold all my pot plants, shi I even got a Cambridge certificate to apply abroad. However, I still live alone, I‘m in between jobs and universities, and every single day I feel like I‘m going insane. I wake up from having nightmares every morning and spend my day doing whatever. My stoner friends have started hanging out without even inviting me, and even the few “sober” friends I had left have been leaving most of my messages on read and if we met up i felt like an alien trying to talk to them. I really don’t know how I’ll ever live life somewhat normally again. I feel terribly alone and disconnected, like I am an idiot worth nobody’s time and attention, and I feel like the depression, the trust issues, and the social anxiety I’ve developed won’t help me find friends either.
I’m not suicidal and if everything goes to sh*ts I guess I still have music and gardening to live for, but feeling this depressed and disconnected and hopeless for multiple years now definitely left its mark on me. Maybe someone has been in a similar situation before and has tips to recover from here. Thanks for reading if anyone did ily <3

So a fifth installment to this series; too much to reread but crazy MIL and FIL think that they can be selfish and purposefully treat me like shit and still have access to LO as long as they are in good terms with DH. In the first 7 weeks of his life, they’ve seen him for 4 hours as a direct result. The most insane entitlement to date y’all: they want to have a say in his NAME.
So I named my baby after my dad. If you read my previous posts you’ll see that he’s a selfless amazing man who never does anything for himself. Both DH and I love the name for him and DH loves my dad too (despite his many quirks). They have a great relationship unlike me and FIL.
Before we decided to name LO, DH asked if we might consider passing on his middle name. He’s from a Scandinavian country so it’s special because it’s different (we live in the US). Of course I said yes. It somehow slipped my mind that DH’s middle name is FIL’s first name until we told ILs the name several months ago and MIL freaked out and told me to stop talking and not just “breeze over it because this is a special moment for FIL”. Yikes. It was too late when I realized, plus this was before all this drama.
Anyway, my dad’s name is simple. Classic old name that will never die but definitely is nothing glamorous (although we love it). When we told my dad the name, he cried but also immediately told us how special it was because he always thought his name was boring and was insecure about it so he was very touched. The next day, he was referring to our baby as “first and middle” because he thought the flow sounded nice. Realistically his insecurities were taking over. He sent a sweet message to my ILs referring to baby as “first middle” (in my brain to make FIL feel included) and they of course took to it immediately. I spent the next four weeks rolling my eyes every time a grandparent called him “first middle” until I finally had enough at 4 weeks. This also happened to be my and DH’s anniversary.
I sent a group text to all four grandparents saying it was cute for the first month, but the first middle thing wasn’t what we named our baby and we didn’t want him growing up feeling that his name isn’t enough. To be honest, I probably could have let it rock for another few months, but when IL’s came and met baby, they were extremely insensitive and showed their lack of regard for me. I had a traumatic birth and my recovery has not been even remotely linear (I had a revision to tender stitches two days before ILs visited which they were aware of). I am also exclusively breastfeeding a very colicky baby, running on about 2-3 hours of sleep per day.
During the visit, they asked DH if he was getting enough sleep, and when he said “I’m getting way more than OP” they did not follow up. Just left it at that while I sat there. On the way out the door, MIL showered DH in compliments about how great of a dad and husband he is (correct) while I stood one foot away, then turned to me and said “good job- I mean, goodbye and goodbye LO!” LIKE WTF. So yeah, it was personal because I will not brand my child with that monster’s name.
Anyway my text was pleasant but said let’s limit how often we refer to LO as first and middle because that is not his name. I did not include DH in the thread because it was early and I knew he wouldn’t give a shit when I told him later in the day. Y’all MIL texted DH before he woke up! Saying that FIL will be “devastated” and that it seems personal because it’s only “three syllables” so it should be manageable to call LO that. She then asked if I even told DH about the text because she wants to try to stir up shit in our relationship ON OUR ANNIVERSARY.
DH lost his mind. He was so pissed at her for swearing two months ago that they wouldn’t push back on our boundaries with their endless big emotions (read guilt trips to attempt to control their adult children) and then doing it again on our first anniversary in such a shady way. He was a bit miffed that I sent it before I told him because he would have tweaked some of the language, but he understood why I sent it and I apologized for acting before talking with him. Definitely out of character for me but I had no idea ILs would literally feel entitled to my child’s first name lol. Insanity.
Anyway he chewed MIL out via text and demanded space and time, which thankfully we have gotten for two weeks. However, I’m well versed in the art of narc parents and I know they will send him something on Father’s Day. They wouldn’t have if they WERE on speaking terms but now they definitely will in an attempt to manipulate. They were on their best behavior the last two months until I sent this text because - shocker- they never intended to follow the rules that I set. Only rules DH sets or co-signs (and even then only in front of our faces). Because DH was on good-ish terms with them for a month before this, MIL mistakenly assumed she would be able to drag DH back into their shit family dynamic where she gets to decide what goes by guilting her children. While I’m disappointed in myself for sending this before talking to DH and allowing him to work on the messaging, we’re actually glad I had a lapse in judgement because DH wouldn’t have figured out that ILs were simply putting on a show when they said they respected me just as much as him as a parent.
Any advice for how to handle the gift they send for Father’s Day? He’s going to understand it’s a manipulation tactic but he’s still a human (and a really sweet one at that). He can definitely navigate this however he sees fit but I’d love to be a useful support system. For context, DH received a diagnosis last week of a lifelong, stress-induced disease that could flare up for the rest of his life. My suspicion is that as tough as parenting a colicky baby has been, his parents bullshit pushed him over the edge (but perhaps I’m biased). He’s in a sensitive state and I want to put him before me since I put myself first when I sent that message.

I was raised in IBLP as a girl after I was pulled out of third grade. My education degraded horribly the second that happened, and when I was thirteen I was shifted to a "character first" education which essentially meant my schooling was done. I am incredibly lucky I was taught to read in public school and have always loved reading, because if I didn't I couldn't have gotten out. I have always been deeply ashamed of my lack of formal education and after I left I tried to make it up by reading as much as I can and learning as much as I can.
I have a kid now who's going into second grade, and of course we are sending him to school. We work really hard with him at home, and I tell him that he is amazingly privileged for getting an education and that not everyone gets one and he needs to take advantage of this opportunity. One of the biggest things I always emphasized was reading. As long as you love to read, you can make up shortcomings in other areas later and the younger grades are where attitude towards reading is developed. We work on it at home a ton. I show him kid books I liked before the cult and I am open about how much I read to set an example. I show him that I'm even stricter with myself about screentime than I am with his when he complains that the other kids don't have to deal with being bored or have limits and explain to him that it's bad that they don't have limits and why I even have to set them for myself. He's been at the top of his grade in the school in reading, and grade level in everything else and I am honestly incredibly proud of him.
I work at amazon, and there are a lot of fresh highschool grads there. Lately, I have been astonished after I have started to be more open with my coworkers about my past, and they are jealous of my lack of education! They wish that they just graded their own tests with the answers like I did while my mom worked one on one with my brother! They just also don't like the religious abuse that came with that. What the hell? I remember crying at night because I knew my textbooks were years behind me because I have uses the same math book for 3 years, and the same "science" book for 5. Yet without any adult involvement I still tried. I graded myself accurately and tried to use stuff like my classic books, bird field guides, and dictionary to learn supplementary things. I failed myself on tests that I took after only being handed a workbook and tried again. And a lot of those jealous people have kids!
I was confused, and didn't know what a school environment was really like so I started looking things up about why all this this seems off. And then I found this reddit and found out it wasn't just the kids at my work or my kid's school. I don't understand. All these kids are intentionally throwing away things I'd have given my right arm for as a kid. Free access to books, learning, adults who will teach them and answer a question about the material if you have one, and the ability to look things up. I don't understand, and it's just upsetting to find out the sheer scale of people throwing away what they could have had, and that the adults in their lives, admin and parents, are contributing so much. As an adult, my wife has helped teach me so much math and I am so greatful that she is so nonjudgmental towards me for it because I have always been so ashamed I didn't teach myself math better and felt like it was my own fault I wasn't past 4th grade math. She helped me really see it was the adults that failed me, and I'm horrified the parents are failing their kids now too.

So I’ve had the worst pride month so far and just need to vent, buckle in cause this is an EXTREMLY long one.
Some backstory I (17f soon to be 18) have known I was into women since as young as 13, I had unlimited access to the internet and knew about different sexualities so it was very easy for me, well for the longest while I went by pansexual. I had come out to my mom almost a year ago as her and I were always close, well she just didn’t care and almost pretended like I didn’t. This year however I realized that I was actually a lesbian and came out to her and 2 weeks before pride month, it didn’t go all to well and our relationship is a bit strained but it was fine until this past weekend.
Onto the worst pride month of my life:
Saturday June 1st:
Well comes June first, I worked at 6am and got home at 12, I had a rough day at work and was just ready to relax, well my mom and I step out the car and suddenly I am being cornered by my ex step-father (him and my mom broke up about 6 months ago at this point and he already moved out months ago). Apparently he found my socials which clearly state I’m a lesbian and felt it was his “duty” to tell my mom even though they aren’t together any more 😒. He proceeded to tell her had had screenshots and blah blah blah in case I tried to deny it but obviously I didn’t because my mom already knew.
WELL she threw me under the bust and pretended she didn’t know just to appease him, I was annoyed by this so I just went inside to my room and locked my door. Well about 10-15 minutes later she comes banging on my door and is fuming with me, apparently my ex step-father didn’t want my brothers (I have 4 brothers who are his kids) living with me and was threatening to take them and it was my fault. She blamed me for everything saying I ruined her life (yes HER life, not mine who has just been outed, HERS) she forced me to take down all gay stuff from my accounts and I ended up setting them to private them.
Well later my my ex-stepfather starts calling my phone, I don’t answer obviously so he sends my brother to come call me so we can talk (I later found out he outed me to my brothers as well and asked them if they knew I was a lesbian, not cool dude 😒). Well he surprised me by talking about how he raised me since I was 2, and didn’t care what identified as and loved me regardless (dude never apologized for what he said or did but I’ll give him a pass). Well he was about to say something else, when his mother started CRYING saying him leaving ruined her life, (Yes his mom still lives with us, that’s a whole story in itself) so he left. I had one more fight with my mom about everything and then that was the end of day 1, Yep just day 1, more shit happened on day 2 and 3.
Sunday June 2nd:
So it is now June second and obviously I was pretty upset considering the events on the previous day as not only was it pride month but my 18th was only a month away, I had work that day but called out because after the shit show the day prior I was NOT in any place mentally to go to work (about 80% of my co-workers are apart of the lgbtqia+ community and I knew seeing them all happy about pride month would make me upset). So instead I went out with a friend as we had already prior made plans to go thrifting that day before I had work and after the day I had the other day this was just what I needed. Well it was a fun and eventful day ending with us getting lost and (once again a story for another day). Well I get back home and ex-stepfather is in the kitchen? I say good evening out of respect and head to my room when DAMN I’m being cornered AGAIN, I thankfully got to relax a little before I was attacked but suddenly my mom comes to my room and is furious.
Apparently my ex-stepfathers sister had found out (who lives all the way in Jamaica by the way, and this went down in Canada) and was nagging my mom about it and blaming my ex-stepfather for me being a lesbian and my mom was not happy about it. (Yes she is still in contact with his family, and the reason she blames him is cause he cheated and treated my mom horribly so she thinks he made me hate men 😒).
My mom was mad he was getting blamed for me being a lesbian, and for me being hostile with him the day before and today (yes she still loves him, once again another story, I feel like at this rate I should create a post for these 😂). This starts an argument between us because I tell her he had no right to out me to my brothers or her, even if she already knew (I don’t know if anyone else knows) She once again talks about how she’s struggling with this and I accidentally sigh out loud (I mean common though if you’re struggling then what about me) well one thing leads to another and we end up fighting, she tries to say I can’t be a lesbian because I dated my ex boyfriend (even though he was the only guy I ever dated before realizing I was lesbian and we’ve had numerous conversations where I told her that she made me feel pressured to date him). Well the fight got super heated and I did say something I’m not proud of after she told me to go read a bible, this resulted in her telling my to call my dad to pick me up so I can stay with him for a while (this is legally allowed as he does have part custody of me and I turn 18 in July)
Eventually after slamming doors and me almost calling my father, we calm down and have a talk (I still live with her currently) the conversation didn’t really go anywhere and we did end up fighting again, this time over different religious views and me talking about how I felt pressured by her to date my ex. The conversation ended because we had to pick up my sister from work and we never picked it up again, it’s still feels like she wasn’t trying to understand me, but I was too exhausted to put any more effort in.
Monday June 3rd:
Never fear this is the last day of the saga and it thankfully was happy, in the end.
Well, it’s Monday and I have to go back to school and it’s also my Bio fathers birthday (which I totally forgot about due to the prior days events and felt extremely bad), I thought I was ok but after a couple pride month announcements, I ended up leaving class and had a breakdown in the hallway (I’m ok now, all the weekends events just finally caught up to me that day). Well, I was found by some teachers and was brought to guidance to talk to somebody after I went back to class and and talked to my teacher about everything who offered me her support (she is an absolute sweetheart, and I love her so much🩷).
Well, I made the executive decision to just tell my father because considering the fact that people in Jamaica were finding out he was going to find out at some point and I wanted him to find out from me (I did intend on telling him, just after my 18th in July incase things went south with my mom, which they almost did).
I sent him a text and turned off my phone for the day, thankfully his response was much more loving than my mothers and he told me he loved me regardless, he picked me up from my moms and we ended up spending the day together and later on we picked up my sister and watched a movie together. I didn’t speak much to my mom this day, aside from telling her I was going out with him.
Well this is it so far, it’s been 6 days but I still can’t get over everything so I just wanted to vent. As of right now my relationship with my mom is improving but still strained and I don’t think it will ever go back to how it was before. Especially considering the fact that my father was very accepting of me, and even my ex-stepfather was more accepting of me than her despite the way he initially reacted.
Well, this is it if you somehow read this entire thing and thank WOW and thank you. If anyone wants clarification, feel free to ask and I’ll edit them onto the post. Also if anyone is curious, I am more than willing to talk about some of the other stories of my family (Trust me it gets CRAZY)

Ok so to understand you need to hear the backstory first for the whole picture: Its long sorry but thank you
So, I had been seeing this girl for about 4 months friends for 2 months and dating for 2, good girl I've met in a fat while lol met her family and everything and she met mine. After Valentines the next week we have another small mini date were we went to the mall and gas station and went to a park in the afternoon. Next day she text and I text All fine. Like 4-5 days pass and we haven't texted or called and I wonder if she's ok? so I call her and doesn't answer that night. 2 hours later she posts she's overthinking and posting about it on Instagram notes. I texted her asking what was wrong, but she brushed it off, saying it was just a silly text, which I knew wasn't true. 2 days later I text her saying if she's eaten since she sometimes does eat cause of school and work are so close time wise and takes longer to respond than usual which I found odd.. but thought nothing of it. 3 days later she calls me to play Stardew valley so, we played Stardew Valley, and afterward, she posted again on IG, saying, "I just don't know anymore." I told her we needed to meet and talk but kinda said separate cars since idk why I had a bad feeling (Her friend and her question why i am not picking her up- she told me).
We met up and talked. At first, she tried to change the subject, but I persisted. Finally, she said she didn't know how if she could add me to her life because of school, family, and friends which i sort of understood but the way she said it felt like she saw me as an obstacle so i asked and she said no and so I let her talk more. After hearing her talk I had to ask her how she'd feel if I just left or vanished, and she immediately said she wouldn't care, which stung. A few seconds (like 2-5 sec) later, she corrected herself, saying she would care. I asked if she wanted to continue what we had or just be friends. She implied friends with benefits because she said friends as in how?, but I told her we would be just friends, nothing more most il do is probably a hug, and she agreed. She also told me not to wait for her and mentioned that I shouldn't have left her alone for too long. She asked me to ignore any texts or calls from her later that night(got a can i take it back it was a mistake IG note that night). She also mentioned how she hoped it ended with like making out and stuff I think she meant make up but man after everything she said u know it hurt and to throw away the letter she gave me and (believe said delete pictures i forgot) plus she said she now wont be able to show off her lipstick. . Despite everything, I gave her a birthday gift and a final kiss since her birthday was coming up. (fyi she was on and off about the kiss we we were talking when i mention no more kissing when i drew the line but did offer a final one which she took here) (Ended on good terms)
The next day, I couldn't get our conversation out of my head. It hurt, so I decided, with the help of God, to break it off. Something was telling me it was for the best. I told her I hoped she found someone who could truly make her happy and wished her the best and a sappy speech (not gunna say lol). She cried and thanked me.
The next day, she sent me an apology, saying she didn't want me to deal with her bipolar disorder and her changing feelings about me every day. She said she wouldn't regret being with me and would respect it if I did not be friends and she truly still cares for me and maybe it was for the better. A few days later, I saw her IG notes saying how she hated being bipolar and how "love isn't real (for some)." It didn't make sense to me, but I ignored it. Also she said how she cold now at night cause apparently she has no heater on IG Notes so I texted her saying if she wanted my jacket back since it was very wooly and told her I didn't want to to suffer in the cold for something trivial and she could have it. She replied no it's fine and it's mine anyways. So I left it at that
We became friends again a few days later initiated by me. She asked me to call her on IG notes hoping she would come back to me and I said I would call at 10, and then she said she didn't want to hurt my feelings anymore. It seemed like she wanted to get something off her chest, but she said no not really. When I called, she hung up and told me "beg" on IG notes. I said just no, and she responded by saying, "your no fun" (I said "ok...and") and "You're just so cute, I can't stay mad at you," and "your warmth is incomparable." I felt like I was being played with, so I ignored it.
We sent each other a few reels on Instagram, but at the end of the month, I went to the store where she works. I sort of ignored her because she looked busy handling pallets. She posted on IG notes, "Not even a hello???" I told her she looked busy. A few days later, I went back to the store for snacks for an upcoming road trip. She approached me to say hi, and we looked at each other awkwardly. Two guys started talking to me, and she walked away. When I was done I went looking for her at her department continue talking but she went in and then left. Later, I texted her saying I wanted to say hi but those guys interrupted she asked if I had her phone number I said yea (I didn't lol) but told her idk what to say to you anymore💀 and so I asked if she wanted to continue playing Stardew Valley, but she said she was busy all day tomorrow so i left it at that. Then, she posted on IG, "I have a stalker," which felt like it was toward me
I waited until the next morning, still up so unfollowed her, and went on my trip. Two days later, she liked my pictures with me in it from the trip. And I'm so confused
We also talked about making it official and what not but she said it can't be in this specific month cause it's her birthday month which was kinda weird cause I haven't heard anyone say that but I said ok.. and then there was one instance where she said she can claim me as hers but I can't claim her as mine which made no sense she said it's a girl thing... Which was odd... But This was before the whole thing happened IK i wasnt perfect either but i did attempt to fix some of my flaws

I was in a relationship with my ex-boyfriend for almost two years. It was a healthy relationship, or at least from my side; we never fought and I always respected his space. I prioritized communication to prevent any potential issues, and always gave him the chance to talk to me if he needed something more, so we could have worked it together during the relationship to solve any issues.. I was loyal, letting him know when I was going out and where to make him feel safe, giving him the password of my socials WITHOUT asking him the same even if he did it happily. I was loving, caring, but never NEEDY. He consistently appeared happy with me, was loving in person, and attentive in his messages even if he WAS NOT inclined towards physical displays of affection such as kissing, hugging, or cuddling. he told me he never liked physical contact in his PREVIOUS relationships, and he told me many times I was the first person he allowed to hug him or take his hand.... things he told me he never did it before. He told me he never felt love in the past and it was the first time with me.. And then, unexpectedly, after two years, he abruptly ended our relationship without ever communicating any issues or concerns along the way. However, I'll delve deeper into this aspect later on.
I started to think that he could have had an AVOIDANT ATTACHEMENT for several reasons, which I will now explain.
He had been involved in several long-term relationships in the past, all of which were consistently toxic., full of fights and drama, and this was the first healthy relationship for him. He confessed to me that he never considered the women of the past as his girlfriends, despite relationships of years or months, and claimed he had never truly loved anyone in his life. These prior relationships were characterized by a lack of affection, no gestures like kissing and hugging. Instead, they primarily revolved around sex, alcohol, and nocturnal enjoyment, with no meaningful discussions about the future. It was more of a routine to pass the weekend, engage in physical intimacy, and socialize, even though his previous partners considered him their boyfriend, he was not considering them as girlfriends.. Its also true that he has always been broke, without a job, and these women had their own house, and independence...
He mentioned that I was the first person he held hands with or allowed to hug him, he never did this in all his life. He didn't enjoy physical contact much and particularly disliked kissing, which he informed me about from the very beginning. SO yeah he was hugging me, taking my hand but kissing was very rare, if I dont start, he will never do it..
Another weird thing.. he had a very extroverted personality and would talk to everyone in the street or every place. He often said that he did this as if he was wearing a mask to show a perfect image of himself to people. However, the great contradiction was that despite being someone who talked to everyone, he didn't have any deep friendships or connections. Instead, he had many superficial, momentary acquaintances. Not a best friend, nobody to talk to a deeper level. Just people he knows and he calls them when he needs soething... same was for his family members..
He possessed a significant ego too and used to view himself as the most attractive man, admiring himself in the mirror. 24 h on 24 telling me he could cum just by looking at himself in the mirror.. He was looking himself all the time but never looked at me...
At the beginning of our relationship, he engaged in significant love bombing and appeared very happy, displaying a lot of emotion., and trying to be seductive However, he would only MEET ME ON WEEKENDS, despite he having no job or doing nothing during the week. He never tried to change this pattern or suggest anything different, as he preferred sticking to his routine to meet me in the weekend, and since he had no job, I was the one paying for our dinner or dates, clothes,,,he knew I am not rich, and he told me it was okay for him and he didnt care,
He was someone always trying to please people, the same he was doing it for me.. someone who always said yes, and never no. Whenever I asked if I could do something to improve myself or our relationship, he would always say that everything was perfect. He often told me that he was someone who kept his emotions bottled up and struggled with communication, despite my frequent efforts to encourage him to open up. Whenever I brought up topics like living together or our future, he would simply agree or mirror my words, making me feel like he was telling me what I wanted to hear, but without genuine conviction in his responses. Same for when I was telling him I love him in real life or messages, he was replying to me, but sometimes I felt he was not genuine, just mirroring my behavior because THIS is what a boyfriend should do...
Furthermore, he was someone who never talked about himself or his life, he was replying to my questions thats it. He would listen to me, but he never tried to talk about the future or express his feelings, it was always coming from my side.
From the very first day of our relationship even when sexual activity began, it was always initiated by him. There was never any initial physical affection, but rather he would tell me to go to the bedroom so we can start having sex, he was literally just pulling down his pantalon and thats it. No kisses, no hugs to start the sex just him going to the bedroom, and this since the first day of our relationship. When I attempted to engage in intimacy with him, he never let me start it and preferred looking the televison. In the sex there was not kissing, it was a more a hard violent sex, of domination and when he finished it there was absolutely no cuddling, he will go directly to take a shower or go to look himself in the mirror how handsome he is..
6 months before the end of our relationship, I changed my apartment, to be only 5 minutes close to him so we could have met more often or so some activity together, but he continued to see me only on weekends, without changing his habits.. and when I asked him to start to go to the gym together every day, he was clearly not happy of it, even if he tried to show me a sort of fake smile and telling me yeah we can do it...Everything with his was ... Yeah we can do it... but he never acted on it. I was always the one suggesting things for the future, making plans. He never talked about the future or anything else. He was simply said yes and continued meeting me only on weekends and never doing anything for me.
2-3 months before the end of the relationship, I wanted to finance with my money a project that we would undertake together, opening a business that would eventually lead us to live together and also a way for him to be economically independent. On his part, he always said Yes, also giving advices for the business. That project will have started soon and the project of living together it will have been far in the future, after 1 year. This business for obvious reason it will have never started because he dumped me before.
However, unexpectedly, after two years, he ended our relationship. He confessed that he had never truly been in love with me from the start. He admitted that while there was initial infatuation, it quickly faded after some weeks.. I was deeply shocked and asked why he had stayed with me for two years if he didn't love me. He explained that he initially tried to convince himself that he loved me because he wanted to believe it, but eventually realized he was just lying to himself. He said he realized he was not only lying to himself but also to me, he was faking to love me, and he was hurt to know he was making me waste time,, he said he stayed with me to avoid hurting me and because he lacked the courage to break my heart. The crazy thing in all of this its that he did a tatoo of my name in his body and he was the first one to tell me I love you for the first time in the relationship while he was crying... when I confronted him on all this incoherence..., how he did a tatoo, told me all the time he loved me.. came all the time at my house showing love... he told me he did this because wanted to believe it... Also he was talking often to my family all the time along and trying to create a relationship with them....
During the breakup, he exhibited behavior that was entirely unfamiliar to me. he was so cold, it was like he hated me for no reason, he told me things I didnt deserve and its not coherent with the idea that the stayed 2 years with me to avoid hurting me because during the breakup he literally destroyed me. He stated that he didn't find me physically attractive, that I didnt make him horny in the bed, that he didn't appreciate the time we spent together. He claimed when he was coming for our dates he was feel uncomfortable all the time and he just wanted to leave.. he told me that he attended our dates or sex out of a sense of obligation rather than genuine desire. He told me it was like a duty or job for him. He told me he didnt see a future with me, that the idea of going to live together it was making him sick, he told me that he also thought to kill hiself becasue he didnt have the courage to leave me. He was telling me horrible things, he had no empathy, and he told me he didnt even tried to find an excuse to leave me because I was the perfect loving girlfriend and he just simply didnt find. I asked him if in these 2 years together he experienced at least a happy moment together and he stayed silent, like to say NO.
He told me many times I am sorry, but he didnt mean it, I was perceving from him a zero empathy, zero care, he was completely deatched, and during 2 years of relationship he never discusses of issuses despite I always tried to ask how he was feeling...
Let me know what you think..

So I’ve had the worst pride month so far and just need to vent, buckle in cause this is an EXTREMLY long one.
Some backstory I (17f soon to be 18) have known I was into women since as young as 13, I had unlimited access to the internet and knew about different sexualities so it was very easy for me, well for the longest while I went by pansexual. I had come out to my mom almost a year ago as her and I were always close, well she just didn’t care and almost pretended like I didn’t. This year however I realized that I was actually a lesbian and came out to her and 2 weeks before pride month, it didn’t go all to well and our relationship is a bit strained but it was fine until this past weekend.
Onto the worst pride month of my life:
Saturday June 1st:
Well comes June first, I worked at 6am and got home at 12, I had a rough day at work and was just ready to relax, well my mom and I step out the car and suddenly I am being cornered by my ex step-father (him and my mom broke up about 6 months ago at this point and he already moved out months ago). Apparently he found my socials which clearly state I’m a lesbian and felt it was his “duty” to tell my mom even though they aren’t together any more 😒. He proceeded to tell her had had screenshots and blah blah blah in case I tried to deny it but obviously I didn’t because my mom already knew.
WELL she threw me under the bust and pretended she didn’t know just to appease him, I was annoyed by this so I just went inside to my room and locked my door. Well about 10-15 minutes later she comes banging on my door and is fuming with me, apparently my ex step-father didn’t want my brothers (I have 4 brothers who are his kids) living with me and was threatening to take them and it was my fault. She blamed me for everything saying I ruined her life (yes HER life, not mine who has just been outed, HERS) she forced me to take down all gay stuff from my accounts and I ended up setting them to private them.
Well later my my ex-stepfather starts calling my phone, I don’t answer obviously so he sends my brother to come call me so we can talk (I later found out he outed me to my brothers as well and asked them if they knew I was a lesbian, not cool dude 😒). Well he surprised me by talking about how he raised me since I was 2, and didn’t care what identified as and loved me regardless (dude never apologized for what he said or did but I’ll give him a pass). Well he was about to say something else, when his mother started CRYING saying him leaving ruined her life, (Yes his mom still lives with us, that’s a whole story in itself) so he left. I had one more fight with my mom about everything and then that was the end of day 1, Yep just day 1, more shit happened on day 2 and 3.
Sunday June 2nd:
So it is now June second and obviously I was pretty upset considering the events on the previous day as not only was it pride month but my 18th was only a month away, I had work that day but called out because after the shit show the day prior I was NOT in any place mentally to go to work (about 80% of my co-workers are apart of the lgbtqia+ community and I knew seeing them all happy about pride month would make me upset). So instead I went out with a friend as we had already prior made plans to go thrifting that day before I had work and after the day I had the other day this was just what I needed. Well it was a fun and eventful day ending with us getting lost and (once again a story for another day). Well I get back home and ex-stepfather is in the kitchen? I say good evening out of respect and head to my room when DAMN I’m being cornered AGAIN, I thankfully got to relax a little before I was attacked but suddenly my mom comes to my room and is furious.
Apparently my ex-stepfathers sister had found out (who lives all the way in Jamaica by the way, and this went down in Canada) and was nagging my mom about it and blaming my ex-stepfather for me being a lesbian and my mom was not happy about it. (Yes she is still in contact with his family, and the reason she blames him is cause he cheated and treated my mom horribly so she thinks he made me hate men 😒).
My mom was mad he was getting blamed for me being a lesbian, and for me being hostile with him the day before and today (yes she still loves him, once again another story, I feel like at this rate I should create a post for these 😂). This starts an argument between us because I tell her he had no right to out me to my brothers or her, even if she already knew (I don’t know if anyone else knows) She once again talks about how she’s struggling with this and I accidentally sigh out loud (I mean common though if you’re struggling then what about me) well one thing leads to another and we end up fighting, she tries to say I can’t be a lesbian because I dated my ex boyfriend (even though he was the only guy I ever dated before realizing I was lesbian and we’ve had numerous conversations where I told her that she made me feel pressured to date him). Well the fight got super heated and I did say something I’m not proud of after she told me to go read a bible, this resulted in her telling my to call my dad to pick me up so I can stay with him for a while (this is legally allowed as he does have part custody of me and I turn 18 in July)
Eventually after slamming doors and me almost calling my father, we calm down and have a talk (I still live with her currently) the conversation didn’t really go anywhere and we did end up fighting again, this time over different religious views and me talking about how I felt pressured by her to date my ex. The conversation ended because we had to pick up my sister from work and we never picked it up again, it’s still feels like she wasn’t trying to understand me, but I was too exhausted to put any more effort in.
Monday June 3rd:
Never fear this is the last day of the saga and it thankfully was happy, in the end.
Well, it’s Monday and I have to go back to school and it’s also my Bio fathers birthday (which I totally forgot about due to the prior days events and felt extremely bad), I thought I was ok but after a couple pride month announcements, I ended up leaving class and had a breakdown in the hallway (I’m ok now, all the weekends events just finally caught up to me that day). Well, I was found by some teachers and was brought to guidance to talk to somebody after I went back to class and and talked to my teacher about everything who offered me her support (she is an absolute sweetheart, and I love her so much🩷).
Well, I made the executive decision to just tell my father because considering the fact that people in Jamaica were finding out he was going to find out at some point and I wanted him to find out from me (I did intend on telling him, just after my 18th in July incase things went south with my mom, which they almost did).
I sent him a text and turned off my phone for the day, thankfully his response was much more loving than my mothers and he told me he loved me regardless, he picked me up from my moms and we ended up spending the day together and later on we picked up my sister and watched a movie together. I didn’t speak much to my mom this day, aside from telling her I was going out with him.
Well this is it so far, it’s been 6 days but I still can’t get over everything so I just wanted to vent. As of right now my relationship with my mom is improving but still strained and I don’t think it will ever go back to how it was before. Especially considering the fact that my father was very accepting of me, and even my ex-stepfather was more accepting of me than her despite the way he initially reacted.
Well, this is it if you somehow read this entire thing and thank WOW and thank you. If anyone wants clarification, feel free to ask and I’ll edit them onto the post. Also if anyone is curious, I am more than willing to talk about some of the other stories of my family (Trust me it gets CRAZY)

Uploaded 13 MITM scripts. Asked it to write two scripts: one with a prompt from me and one without.
My prompt:
Reese is a billionaire. Having not showered for a month in an attempt to force a girl to dump him, medical science discovered a cure for cancer inside the mould on his body.
He enjoys being petty and lauding his new success over everyone. Malcolm is assistant manager at Lucky Aide; Craig is his boss. Dewey has some success in music. Francis and Piama have many kids. One was killed after the rocket-powered stroller Malcolm built went haywire and crashed into Lucky aide. Hal is Reese's dogsbody at the mansion.
**INT. REESE'S MANSION - DAY**
*The mansion is lavish, but the family’s interactions bring out an absurd contrast. The living room is enormous, filled with expensive decor, and an oversized portrait of Reese hangs on the wall. Lois, now in her early 60s, is sitting on an opulent couch, knitting furiously. Hal, also in his early 60s, is polishing a chandelier awkwardly, occasionally muttering to himself.*
**LOIS**
Hal, if that chandelier sparkles any more, it’s going to blind someone.
**HAL**
(balancing on a ladder)
It’s Reese’s orders, Lois. He wants everything to shine, especially his ego.
*The door opens and Dewey, now 33 and dressed in a casual yet stylish outfit, walks in with a guitar case slung over his shoulder.*
DEWEY
Hey Mom, Dad. Just got back from my latest gig. The crowd actually knew the words to my songs this time.
LOIS
(smiling)
That's wonderful, Dewey. Maybe someday they'll spell your name right on the marquee.
HAL
(teasing)
Don't get your hopes up too high, son. Remember when they called you "Dewey Decimal"?
DEWEY
(sighing)
Yeah, that was a low point.
*Reese, 38, enters, wearing an outlandish designer suit. He’s holding a champagne glass and has an obnoxiously smug grin.*
**REESE**
Ah, the smell of success... and the faint scent of cancer-curing mold. How’s everyone doing in my mansion today?
**DEWEY**
(sighs)
We’re fine, Reese.
*Malcolm, 37, enters wearing a disheveled Lucky Aide uniform, looking defeated.*
**MALCOLM**
Assistant Manager Malcolm reporting for duty. Another day of stacking shelves and avoiding Craig’s motivational speeches.
**CRAIG (O.S.)**
(excitedly)
Malcolm, you're late! There are sales figures to review!
**CRAIG**
(enters, looking chipper)
Malcolm, you need to embody the Lucky Aide spirit! Which, coincidentally, is just like your soul – non-existent!
**MALCOLM**
(deadpan)
Good morning to you too, Craig.
*Francis, 42, enters with Piama, 39, followed by a gaggle of children. They look tired but resilient.*
**FRANCIS**
Hey everyone, the gang’s all here. I barely managed to wrangle the kids into the minivan without losing one.
**PIAMA**
(holding a baby)
Francis, we did lose one. Remember? Little Jamie.
**FRANCIS**
(clearly struggling)
Oh right, how could I forget. Thanks for the rocket-powered stroller, Malcolm.
**MALCOLM**
(muttering)
I was just trying to help...
**REESE**
(laughing)
That’s right! Malcolm’s bright idea to save energy by rocketing Jamie around. Talk about a crash course in parenting.
*Hal finishes polishing and descends the ladder, his back creaking audibly.*
**HAL**
(to Reese)
Is there anything else you need, Master Reese?
**REESE**
(smirking)
Just your dignity, Dad. Oh wait, I already have that hanging on the wall.
*He points to a framed piece of paper that says "Hal’s Dignity" in elaborate calligraphy. Francis tries to gather his children, who are running around the room causing chaos.*
**FRANCIS**
Kids, gather round! Uncle Reese has some... interesting stories about how not to become a complete sociopath.
**REESE**
(grinning)
Careful, Francis, or I might just buy your children and send them to a Swiss boarding school.
*Lois looks up from her knitting, her expression stern.*
**LOIS**
Reese, why don’t you show a little humility?
**REESE**
(mockingly)
Humility? That’s rich coming from the woman who terrorized us all with her iron fist. Remember, Mom, you raised me to be this way.
*Piama finally speaks up, trying to maintain some normalcy.*
**PIAMA**
Reese, why don’t you use some of your money to help Francis and me find a place of our own? This mansion is... a bit much.
**REESE**
(smirking)
Why would I do that? Watching you all squirm is the best entertainment my money can buy. Plus, it keeps you all under my thumb.
*The family looks at each other, a mix of resignation and frustration. Malcolm, trying to muster some hope, speaks up.*
**MALCOLM**
You know, Reese, money can’t buy happiness.
**REESE**
(grinning wider)
No, but it can buy a rocket-powered stroller. Right, Malcolm?
*The family doesn’t laugh. They just continue with their tasks, each of them silently dealing with their own absurd reality.*
REESE Oh, come on. You all are acting like I haven't earned this. Remember when I stopped showering for a month to force my girlfriend to dump me, and medical science found a cancer-curing mold on my body? Yeah, when you become a billionaire by accident, then we can talk about humility and charity.
LOIS (grimly) I still can't believe that's what made you rich. It's like the universe played a cruel joke on us.
HAL (to himself) And I’m the punchline...
Francis tries to calm down one of his screaming kids, who is running around the room with a toy sword.
FRANCIS (to the kid) Hey, buddy, maybe Uncle Reese can buy you a real sword next time.
PIAMA Francis, don't encourage him. The last thing we need is Reese arming the children.
REESE (laughing) Now there's an idea. A fully armed and operational battle station... of children.
Lois, unable to take it anymore, stands up and faces Reese directly.
LOIS Reese, this isn't funny. You're sitting on all this money, while the rest of us are struggling. Have a heart, for once in your life.
REESE (mock sympathy) Oh, I’m sorry, Mom. Did you want a loan? Maybe I could throw you a few million to ease your pain?
DEWEY (flatly) How generous of you, Reese. Maybe after you’re done pretending to care, you could actually do something helpful.
REESE (smirking) Ah, Dewey, always the moral compass. How’s that working out for you in the real world?
Malcolm finally speaks up, tired of Reese's constant gloating.
MALCOLM You know what, Reese? Enjoy it while it lasts. Because at the end of the day, you’re just as miserable as the rest of us. Money can’t fix everything.
REESE (leaning forward) Maybe not, but it sure makes it a hell of a lot more fun.
The family continues their tasks in silence, each of them dealing with their absurd lives. The camera pulls back, showing the entire family together, yet worlds apart.
NARRATOR (MALCOLM) (TC) And there it is. Twenty years later, and we’re still stuck in this crazy dynamic. But hey, at least we’re in it together. Even if together means living under the reign of King Reese.
Fade out as the family continues to interact, each dealing with their bizarre lives.
END.
This is the script ChatGPT generated with no prompts from me.
INT. FAMILY LIVING ROOM - DAY
The living room looks lived-in and somewhat cluttered, but there's an air of warmth. Lois, now in her early 70s, sits on the couch, reading a book. Hal, in his early 70s, is trying to fix a broken lamp.
LOIS Hal, if that lamp could talk, it would ask you to stop torturing it.
HAL (holding wires) I'm almost there, Lois. Just a few more tweaks...
The door bursts open, and in walks Dewey, now 33. He's a music teacher with a calm demeanor but still carries a playful spirit.
DEWEY Guess who just composed an entire symphony based on cat meows?
LOIS (smiling) Let me guess, you?
DEWEY Absolutely. And I think the school might actually play it this time.
Reese, 38, enters, wearing a police uniform. He's matured but still has a mischievous glint in his eye.
REESE Hey, Dewey, did you finally convince them to give you real instruments?
DEWEY You'd be surprised how versatile a classroom full of recorders can be.
Malcolm, 37, walks in with a briefcase. He looks every bit the successful professional but carries the weight of his responsibilities.
MALCOLM (deep sigh) Tough day at the office.
HAL You know, I still don’t understand why you didn’t go for that cushy research job in Switzerland.
MALCOLM It’s called ambition, Dad. Plus, the world needs policymakers who understand quantum physics.
LOIS And your father needs someone who understands how to fix a lamp.
MALCOLM (laughing) Let's call an electrician before Dad electrocutes himself.
Francis, now 42, enters with his wife Piama, 39. Francis looks rugged and has clearly embraced his life on the ranch.
FRANCIS Hey, family! Guess who wrangled two wild horses this morning?
PIAMA (smiling) And then tried to convince them to wear cowboy hats.
HAL Francis, you always did know how to talk to animals.
FRANCIS Too bad it doesn’t work on my kids.
Jamie, now 22, enters, holding a baby. He’s grown into a responsible young man, taking after both Lois and Hal in different ways.
JAMIE Mom, Dad, everyone, meet little Lois.
LOIS (teary-eyed) You named her after me?
JAMIE Of course. We wanted her to have a strong name.
The family gathers around the baby, cooing and fussing over her. The doorbell rings, and Reese opens it to reveal Craig, in his late 60s, holding a cake.
CRAIG I heard there’s a family reunion and thought I’d crash the party with cake!
LOIS (sighs) Come on in, Craig. You’re practically family at this point.
CRAIG (placing the cake on the table) I’m honored. So, who wants to hear about my new job at the library?
MALCOLM (smirking) As long as it doesn’t involve you dressing up as a book.
CRAIG Oh, Malcolm, you wound me.
The family laughs, and the camera pulls back, showing the entire family together, enjoying the moment.
NARRATOR (MALCOLM) (TC) Twenty years later, and we're still as chaotic as ever. But I wouldn’t trade this crazy family for anything. Well, maybe for a Nobel Prize... but then again, probably not.
Fade out as the family continues to chat and laugh.
END.

I(16F) has a crush on this guy (16M) and i had it for quite some time now. we are both friends too and we both like each other too. he liked me in freshman year too and now we are in our junior year of hs. before i liked him i had a bf of 9 months (17M). they so happened to be friends, but not best friends just close. last week (may 28) at school he realized i liked him and shot me a text asking if it was true or not, i confessed and said ofc but also backing it up with "its cool if you dont like me back bc of ..... being my ex" he ended up texting me for the rest of the night which had me confused at first but i realized why he did that. he had texted my ex asking for "permission" to start talking to me and even dating. my ex said yes and he didnt have a problem with it cause he was even talking to someone himself, but also did tell my crush he wanted to talk to me one last time before we get serious which i thought it was weird knowing why we broke up (ill get into it soon). after my crush had asked permission we started talking the next day and we've been talking from may 28th all the way to yesterday.
we would be on the phone all night all day, texting, talking, hanging out tg, etc it was going really well we were feeling each other so well we really wanted to date each other we even kissed a couple of times. he treated me like his girlfriend even though we were only just talking. he already was calling me cute names like "love" and "boo" whenever i had called him or anything.
monday, me and my crush was hanging out in one of the practice rooms of our school since school is basically over and we were just talking, i was laying on his lap while we was talking. one of his friends/ex best friend came in and said hi to him and then said "hi to the girl on ....." after he said that my ex had walked in the room, they didnt notice it was me until i moved my phone from my face to see who it was and my ex left the room looking vivid. i ended up leaving so i can meet my friends for lunch and we seperated. as i walked out my ex had gotten mad and threw a hissy fit as if hes 5 years old throwing chairs and stands in the band room. my crush had walked in asking if everyone was cool and my ex started yelling at him saying how its either they fight and argue, he gets my crush ex on me to fight me, or my ex himself comes up to me and confronts me because i was doing all this "on purpose" after my ex had said that my crush brought up the fact that my ex had madeout with his ex and said that was just as wrong and my ex said he didnt care from the start that he did that since they were already done and then my ex proceeded to say that he still had feelings for me, i dont believe him at all. after they exchanged their words my ex started going around telling people that ill be back with him, how i cant be without him, how if he wanted he could get me back and i dont even want my crush i only want him. their whole friend group says my ex is being weird over this especially since he fumbled and broke up with me.
later that same week my ex keeps saying stuff to my ex and even went as far of having ppl telling him to get back with his ex bc they look better tg and leave me alone. my ex has been saying things to my crush making him change his mind about me a lot. the other day we decided to take it slower and continue to talk more since summer is coming up and we wouldnt be bothered if we start dating later than now. give it a couple of days and my crush calls me saying he didnt want to date anymore, i said cool bc we just agreed once again to be in a talking stage. the next day he texts me that we need to talk and its about my ex. i was confused because once i tried to call and text him he didnt answer for that whole day and ended up ghosting me. i called the next day and we talked but he didnt bring up what was wrong so i hung up and went to sleep out of frustation. i woke up to a text saying we should stay friends and i was heartbroken and vivid he really let my ex change his opinion on me in a span of a week all because he cant mature. i said that he basically let my ex win and how thats crazy and he brought up the fact that that is still his friend at the end of the day which i understand, but that is the same ex that he knows cheated on me, played me multiple times, manpiulated me, used over ppl to make me jealous, and lied to me constantly in those 9 months we tg and was also the same one who said he didnt care that he did things with ur ex. my crush knows he did all these things to me too because i would always tell him and cry because we were close. and i gave my ex multiple chances and months to come back and he now wants to come back when i finally moved on? cool.
instead of saying anything else to my crush i decided to just stop texting him and only respond with "ok" im pretty mad like ive been throwing shots at him on ig and everything and hes been seeing them too. all this because my ex said something to him that he wont even tell me what was said , school is literally over in 4 days why does it matter so much? he graduates this year! its not like hes going to hold this grudge for so long he has to get it over it like how he told me to get over him. some people are saying im overreacting and others are saying its cool for me to be mad since i really like this guy and EVERYONE can see he likes me back too. ik this aint really a crazy AITA but i feel like i am

a quick summary of my relationship is basically we met, he lied about being fully divorced (but was not with his wife), things got serious fast bc everything was magical and amazing blah blah .. he told me had a sex addiction and had been with over 100 women. I did not honestly understand what that meant and now I’m thinking back and wondering
three months later I find out he cheated on me with an ex. Two weeks later I find out he’s leading a girl at work to believe they’re in a relationship so I leave and move out
I end up giving him another chance and then find out he was sleeping with said coworker and got her pregnant (abortion- i don’t wanna discuss that please it hurts to think about) the first three months of our relationship. Then I find out he’s seeing his ex and sleeping with her when he’s mad at me (or feels I might leave him). He literally runs straight to her (im guessing so he doesn’t have deal with his emotions) which leads to sex .
The night I left him for good we were intimate and he looks and me and said “im sorry.” I said “for what” (i was in the moment and confused) He literally starts shaking all over his body, breaks down crying and sobbing rivers of tears, he is laying on me while I hold him like a baby bc he can’t even hold himself up anymore and pretend he’s into us bc he’s sooooobbbing like a baby begging me to please give him the chance to fix himself so he doesn’t keep hurting me and just to please not walk out of his life that he will fix it bc he knows it’s his fault and he wants to do better he just keeps fucking up and doesn’t know why he can’t stop himself then after he’s sick to his stomach and hates himself
I feel stupid for believing him on the surface but I have seen positive change over the last few months in some areas like his communication, honesty and his willingness to give me his location etc ..
but how do I know if he truly loves me and needs help to understand/manage his issues with sex and fidelity or if I’m being played for a fool
Please help

I guess ill start by saying that me and baby are fine, home, healthy, and happy. And we are incredibly grateful for that. But i guess i need to vent and rant and maybe hear some support, because none of this went as i imagined. This is my first pregnancy, and wr were both so excited for all of it.
I have anxiety, and literally every fear that i had for my birth, delivery, coming home has come true and then some. I was 34 weeks when i ended up in triage with preclampsia. They had to induce. I labored 31 hours with no progress, so they decided to perform a cesarean. Now im already terrified of this procedure, but i went in calmly enough and felt fine. But about 10 min into the operation, the anesthesia wore off entirely. And i could literally feel everything. I was screaming in agony, they waited way too long before putting me under (more on that later) and when i finally was intubated they apparently just took my husband to wait alone in a hallway instead of bringing him back to family. And they didnt even tell my family what happened. They found out a whole day later when i finally said the phrase "i could feel everything". i cant sleep. I keep having nightmares and flashbacks. i talked to my psychiatrist and she believes i have the onset of PTSD. My cousin actually works with several nurses who were in my operation, she asked them more details about the procedure and basically they all told her that none of that was right, none of it was okay. They said they got as far as my uterus before putting me under. and my cousin (who works in labor and delivery and does dozens of cesarean deliverias a week) said i need to lawyer up because what happened to me was medical malpractice.
I woke up hemmoraging in the critical care unit, writhing in pain. Because my baby was 34 weeks, he was in NICU. I was not allowed to see him for a day and a half because of the medication i was on. It was agony. I never knew a pain like that before, both physical and emotional.
My recovery in the hospital was hard, but even after i was diacharged, being away from my son for a week and a half was even harder. It tore my heart out every time i had to leave him
Because of my recovery we decided to stay with my mom. But that was a disaster. She was constantly being passive aggressive, rude to my husband, and caused me multiple panic attacks. We left early. And even now that we are home, her visits are continuing to stress me out and she has no empathy for my husband or understanding of what she is doing to me. I need my mother, but i literally cant count on her right now. So i feel like my main pilar of support is gone.
Baby finally came home, and im still recovering, but excited. And the day after we bring him home, my husband develops a cold. So we have to limit his exposure to baby, so i am handling all baby care alone along with breastfeeding and pumping , and recovery, and on top dealing with sleeplessness flashbacks and cold sweats from PTSD. My husband is doing all other things for us and still helping tremensously and being very supportive of me. He is cleaning, helping tk clean and sanitize items, doing laundry, caring for the dog, watching baby monitor while i sleep, and does occasionally get uo to help with baby tasks, bjt that is limited to limit risk to baby. But i truly need help with the baby... We reached out to family and no one is willing to help.
Im stilll recovering, physically, mentally, emotionally, and i just need a freaking hug.... but my husband cant risk exposure to our son.
I feel so terribly overwhelmed. I honestly knew that caring for a newborn would be exhausting. I knew delivery would be painful. I knew that many things could go wrong. But i never could have anticipated this.
I didnt get any of the beautiful moments i wanted, like the first skin to skin and latch. Or having family meet him. Or getting to bring him home to the nursery. Or being able to hear his first cry. Or have my husband cut the cord.
And i always wanted more than one baby, but this was so traumatic, i dont think i could ever do it again.
I dont know what im looking for on here... maybe support, or validation, or just to vent. But im honestly at a loss at this point. I county blessings daily, and am grateful baby and i are healthy, recovering, alive, and well. But i am at the end of my rope.