Do i care about my boyfriend too much

Rabbits: the intelligent, loving, and often misunderstood pet

2010.02.19 17:00 sketchampm Rabbits: the intelligent, loving, and often misunderstood pet

/rabbits is an open community where users can learn, share cute pictures, or ask questions about rabbits. Please note we are a *pet rabbit* community that discourages breeding and encourages rescue.
[link]


2009.01.30 19:41 Dividend Investing

A community by and for dividend growth investors. Let's make money together!
[link]


2008.10.28 06:24 Piano

All things piano related!
[link]


2024.06.09 15:10 John_Swift1 How I passed my SHRM-CP (without the Learning System)

As I was studying for the SHRM-CP exam, I came across several posts on here that were useful in helping me along the process, so I thought I would share some information on how I passed for future test takers. Please note that I did NOT purchase the SHRM Learning System. I studied by myself using free online resources and a few books I bought off Amazon. Prep/Study Time
I studied for about 4–5 weeks. On weekdays I studied between 1–3 hours per day, on the weekends I would do 4–6 hours per day, and during the last 7–10 days, I studied about 4–6 hours per day. Of course, I took a few nights off here and there as well. Keep in mind that you may need to study more or less given your work experience (I have a Master’s in I/O Psych and about 2 years of relevant work experience). To be honest, I wish I had started studying 2–3 weeks earlier. I would recommend giving yourself at least 1.5–2 months to prepare for this exam.
Resources:
1) SHRM BoCK — This is a free PDF that you can download off the SHRM website. I used this resource to guide my overall learning. I dissected the entire document and made flashcards on Quizlet for everything I did not know. In particular, I focused on the “key concepts” for each section and made sure I knew the definition of each term. There is also a glossary of terms and definitions at the end of the document, so I added all those terms into Quizlet as well. The glossary does not have every definition you will need to know, but it’s a good start. For the terms I could not find a definition for, I would either
A) Google it
B) see how the SHRM website defines it,
C) use one of my other resources to find a definition
D) go to Youtube to learn more.
2) SHRM-CP Exam by certexamdb Test Prep: You can find in here
I explored a few different practice exams, but this was by far the most useful. You cannot use this as your only resource, but it is a great start.
3) PHSPHR Professional in Human Resources Certification Study Guide by Anne Bogardus: You can actually find a PDF of this online for free. At some point throughout the study process (usually after a practice exam), you will likely realize that you need to go into more depth with certain concepts. This is where this study guide comes in. I didn’t read it word for word, but I spent a few hours skimming through it, went through some of the practice questions at the end of each chapter, and read in detail certain sections that I was weak on. This resource is very detailed but not too complicated which is great. I would highly recommend allocating 1–2 study days just for going through this resource. Keep in mind that it will provide you with more detail than you need, but you can just focus on the concepts that are relevant to the SHRM-CP.
4) SHRM-CP/SHRM-SCP Certification Practice Exams (All in One) by Kelly and Simon-Walters. About 10 days before my exam, I came across this resource which consisted of 500 questions that were broken down into each of the sections outlined in the SHRM BoCK. When I took the practice exam in the certexamdb Test Prep I scored terribly on the situational judgment questions. This book is GREAT for preparing you for those questions. Just keep in mind two things when using this resource:
It will consist of some questions with terms or concepts that you did not come across in any of the other resources — you can just ignore those (it’s extra information that you do not necessarily need), (2) the quick answer key has some inaccuracies (ignore it) but the answer key with detailed explanations is correct so make sure you use that when scoring yourself. Make sure you answer both the SHRM-CP and the SHRM-SCP questions (they are both relevant). This really helps with the situational judgment questions, but also with knowing how some of the terms and definitions apply in a real setting. When focusing on these questions, I realized that I had memorized some definitions, but I still didn’t know how to apply those concepts. This book helps with that.
5) Quizlet Flashcards created by other people — A lot of people have created quizlet sets (even from the Learning System) that they have uploaded. Those are free, so make sure you use them! Also, some people have even created practice sets for exam questions (which I think are from the learning system as well), so make sure you review those as well! Basic Study Tips: Unfortunately, without the Learning System, there is no single resource that you can use to prepare for this exam. Therefore, make sure you use a few resources just to make sure you get exposed to most of the material that will be on the exam. As you go through each resource, keep revising your flashcards and adding new ones. Make sure you periodically review flashcards as you go rather than waiting to cram everything in a week before the exam. When you go through practice questions, you will soon realize that you often need to know more than just the definition… you need to know when and how something applies as well. For example, you need to know what FMLA is, but you also need to know what the eligibility criteria is, when it is applicable, etc… I had one massive set of flashcards (about 500), and then I also had smaller sets of flashcards for some sections (e.g., a set for HR Laws, another set for Finance/Accounting terms). I would memorize using the smaller sets, but then I went through the giant set I had created a few days before my exam to make sure I knew everything. Do a ton of practice questions and understand why you got certain questions wrong.
6) SHRM LMS Books
Here’s a quick overview of the step-by-step process I took to study and prepare:
  1. Go through SHRM-BoCK and create flashcards
  2. Go through and memorize SHRM Learning System Flashcards (You can find these on Quizlet and search “SHRM Learning System”)
  3. Take certexamdb Test Prep Practice Exam, review, and identify weak areas.
  4. Go through the Bogardus PHSPHR book and focus on weak areas (fill in flashcards)
  5. Memorize the newly created flashcards for weak areas, flag ones that you continually get wrong or confused with.
  6. YouTube hazy concepts and terms to gain a richer understanding, use Khan Academy when applicable.
  7. Retake certexamdb Practice Exam
  8. Go through questions in the book by Kelly and Simon-Walters
  9. Identify weak areas, read through explanations, create and memorize flash cards as needed
  10. A few days before my exam, focus on my large stack of flashcards, go through other people’s flashcard sets, and go through practice exams on Quizlet.
Exam Experience and Takeaways
I finished the exam in a little over three hours. You get no breaks, but you can always take them as needed. Time is likely not going to be an issue. Here are some takeaways that I had about the exam: — There were surprisingly few questions on US Employment Laws & Regulations and Labor Unions. I spent a lot on these sections when studying, but there were not many questions at all on these topics. — The test questions were different than any of the practice exams I had taken (however you should be fine as long as you know the material) — The situational judgment questions can be exhausting with having to read 2–3 paragraphs for each 2–3 questions. — Make sure you carefully read the question. For example, you are often asked “what is the first step you would take” or “what strategy would you use.” These can be tricky, but they can also easily reveal the right answer. — No matter how hard you study, you will encounter a few questions where you come across terms that you’re unfamiliar with and you will have to guess blindly. Just try to eliminate what you do know is wrong and take your best guess. Don’t stress too much about it. — Use the highlight, strike through, and flagging options during the exam. It helps a lot. — Often, the correct answers for the situational judgment questions have something to do with (1) getting leadership buy-in, (2) having HR be a strategic partner, (3) making sure the action is aligned with the org’s mission and vision (4) HR being proactive, (5) doing a needs assessment of some sort, (6) having HR be some sort of facilitator.
submitted by John_Swift1 to HumanResourcesExam [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:04 MassiveChidhood Before accusing my boyfriend of bullying me, I should acknowledge that I am a very insecure and low self-esteem person.

I'm 25F and my boyfriend, who is 27M, have been together for roughly two and a half years. Is there any hope we overcome our judgements ? How can I keep him in my life?
We've always had great times together and had a lot of fun, but we've also had arguments from time to time about things like how disrespectful I am of myself or how he is being a manipulator and a lying person. For more background, let me say that I've always had such low self-esteem for a number of childhood and teenage issues that should definitely be dealt with through therapy, and as far as I'm concerned he has always found a way to influence every disagreement so that he comes out on top. Yet I know for sure, we love and genuinely care about one another and we're great at doing things together and overall making each other's lives simpler!
We've been fighting nearly every day for the past three months or more. We endured a great deal of stress, pressure and failures, including both of us losing our jobs and dealing with personal, friends and family problems. and it's almost inevitable since we're living together. Life has not been easy.
I am the boring girlfriend with the grandmotherly hobbies and very nothing that interests him, but he is a smart guy with incredible amount of knowledge, and he is always the one with the most brains and news, this also I do admit. That's all he's been complaining about recently, I really want to come up with something that he could appreciate, so I'm doing my best to suggest plans, movies... r discuss the things and concepts I know of or care about. However, he dislikes and dismiss pretty much of what I offer,
Though I think this is just tipping in the other direction, I truly appreciate having him in my life, and want to keep him in.
Please HELP !
submitted by MassiveChidhood to relationships_advice [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:03 FewIllustrator4437 i feel like an awful person.

TW: ADDICTION, INFIDELITY, LYING, SA. MENTIONS OF CANCER, RAPE, ABUSE. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS WILL UPSET OR TRIGGER YOU.
this will be lengthy and i will try to make as much sense of everything as possible. i want to start out by saying that i am not at all searching for sympathy or validation. i am trying my best to hold myself accountable and to do the right thing. i am hoping that i can be given some sort of guidance and advice.
i (19M) feel like a pretty shitty person. for countless reasons. starting at the age of 11, i lied about my age on social media. i was very much aware that this was wrong, and i still feel deeply ashamed and embarrassed by it all these years later. i was a child, so i feel i can only assign blame to myself beyond a certain point while still acknowledging that my sense of responsibility in such a situation is limited. regardless, this was wrong. what was even worse, is that i kept up this lie for seven years. i had various friendships and LDR’s where people thought i was older than i was. this is so dangerous and puts people in fucking awful situations just because i was selfish. i still regret that.
when i was around 14, i developed a drug addiction. my mother had surgery on her breast due to a benign tumour and she was taking prescription painkillers (opiates) as a result. i would steal these drugs and take them. i feel awful to this day that i did such a thing. stealing from my own mother. her pain relief. i started to spiral into this addiction, primarily as a result of traumas i had suffered as a child (though i do not want to excuse my actions in saying ‘well i have traumas!!!!’ trauma is not an excuse for doing extremely shitty things).
i was told at a really young age (around 5) by a cousin that i was unwanted and my parents are not my real parents. i of course was unaware that i had been adopted by my auntie (who i refer to as my mother). my birth mother is an addict and therefore unfit to care for me. i carried this with me for many years. i survived a terrorist attack when i was 12. i was deeply haunted by this occurrence and i do feel that it was the primary reason that i developed my addiction.
going back to the LDR’s i’ve had, i was awful within all of them. upon developing my drug dependency, i cheated on an ex girlfriend while drunk. i did so with a close friend of mine. i still feel awful about that to this day. the relationship was extremely toxic on both sides, even outside of this occurrence. but regardless, there is zero excuse. i should’ve left as i was unhappy. i should never have cheated.
i had three relationships after this (all were LDR) and i cheated in two of them. both of them with another LDR friend who i later began the third relationship with. he believed me to be older than i was, as did all my former partners. this was my first same-sex relationship, and within it i was sexually abused. i won’t go into detail as to the occurrences, but i will say that i was left so angry and depressed by these experiences. at the same time, i feel that it was my fault for lying about my age. things occurred without my consent and that is still wrong, but i cannot escape the thought that i deserve it for lying.
i met my current girlfriend a year and a half ago. we are LDR. we have been dating for 16 months. from the beginning, i lied to her about my age. i also lied to her about circumstances of my family life. i confessed all of this to her around five months into the relationship. i should never have lied and i am disgusted with myself for that. my girlfriend is the sweetest and most understanding person that i know. when i told her everything, she was of course distraught. i have been in and out of therapy for the last seven or eight years due to mental health issues and trauma and i did my best to work through the reasonings behind these lies that i told. and these were truly awful lies. i said that my mothers tumour was cancerous and she had died. i also said my dad had died by suicide. neither of these lies are true. the truth is (what i uncovered during therapy) that i have been so deeply resentful towards my parents for many years, mainly because of their emotional immaturity and the chaotic upbringing i suffered as a result. my dad has been mentally and emotionally neglectful and abusive for most of my life (though as of very recently he is doing much better). my parents are amazing, they provide for me and i would have nothing without them but i have so much unresolved anger towards them (additionally due to me being trans and my parents not accepting this with my father being extremely transphobic).
i feel wrecked with guilt to this day about these lies. i cannot stomach the thought that my mother would hate my guts if she knew i told such disgusting lies about her. there is no excuse for that. though i feel i should also tell you that i had an ex girlfriend years before all of this when i was 12 who lied to me about having cancer, being r*ped, her doctors telling her she would die on my birthday. just awful things. in retrospect, i am no different from her. i just cannot wrap my head around the fact that i became somebody who hurt me so deeply. i do not know if the reason i did so is because this toxic and disgusting behaviour was so normalised around me - and that does not excuse it. so people endure awful things and do not lie and hurt people as a result.
my girlfriend forgave me for these lies but it has not been easy. we are so deeply in love and happy together, but i am still guilt-ridden. she has offered me so much compassion and i have been so grateful for that. but two days ago, i did something truly awful.
i was out with friends for a close friends birthday. as an addict, i have been sober from drugs for a year and a half and have went through periods of drinking and not drinking. i drank way too much, and i ended up kissing this close friend of mine as well as her other friend. this happened more than once. there were no thoughts in my mind and zero intention or feelings behind these acts, which really only makes things worse. it’s as if my impulse control is nonexistent. my girlfriend is the best thing to ever happen to me and i. cheated on her. i confessed to her in the morning and she was absolutely heartbroken. she has been cheated on before in past relationships and has been physically and mentally abused by exes. she remains such an incredible person which further proves to me that there is zero excuse for these things.
the guilt i feel means nothing because my actions have been continuous and and it seems no matter how hard i try i keep fucking up. every issue in my life is my own fault and i do not know what to do with that anymore. i genuinely feel like the worst person on earth and i’m sure you will read this and believe the same. but i just do not know what to do anymore. am i just an awful fucking person? is there any hope for me in getting any better? i really want to be. i cannot excuse what i have done and i don’t want to live like this anymore. i am sure i will encounter plenty of judgement as a result of this post brut it is well deserved. i am just hoping somebody can give me some sort of guidance. i am going back to therapy and i have decided to quit drinking again. i confessed to my mother about the stealing of her painkillers back when i was fourteen and i told her about the cheating also. she sad that i did the right thing in being honest and acknowledging my issues but i do not feel this is enough. i know i cannot take my actions back but i truly feel some things are inexcusable. i can never trust myself to be a good and honest person even though i try so hard to be. i do not feel worthy of a life. i know if i were in a relationship with somebody who did these things i would hate their guts. i dated a man who lied to me and abused me and. i still feel so much empathy and compassion towards him despite him sexually abusing me. i reached out to him various times with my girlfriends knowledge but also at times without it beggin him to give me a reason as to why he did what he did. i cannot wrap my head around him simply being a bad person. and maybe it’s the same for me. maybe i am just a bad person.
is there any thing that i can do? am i redeemable at all? please respond honestly and do not be afraid to ask questions as i’m sure this is all extremely confusing information. i will do my best to respond to any questions and hopefully i can figure this out. i know it will not be easy but i want to dedicate my time to becoming better. i truly want that to be possible for me. i wish i could take all of this back more than anything i do but i cannot and therefore i need to live with the consequences of my actions and be better. i want to make zero excuses for myself. i want to stop compartmentalising my thoughts and rationalising the awful things that i do. the guilt is eating me up and although i am not afraid to admit to my wrongs i do not feel that is enough for me to suddenly be a good person.
i also forgot to mention that i was recently told i may have cancer due to an abnormal protein level found in my blood and i genuinely feel that it is my karma for lying about this being the case with my own mother. i don’t know if that is even relevant or necessary to say but it’s just so deeply hilarious in the most fucked up way possible. my girlfriend told me that i cannot believe this about myself and that she understands the reasoning behind all that i’ve done though she does not excuse it. i still can’t stomach the idea that i am at all a redeemable or decent person because i have hurt people so much and myself in the process and my continuous attempts to be better lead me nowhere.
submitted by FewIllustrator4437 to offmychest [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:02 SharkEva Am I the asshole for feeling like my eldest daughter should be treated the same as my "real" children?

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Ready_405 posting in AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 2nd June 2024
Update - 7th June 2024

Am I the asshole for feeling like my eldest daughter should be treated the same as my "real" children?

When my(M45) daughter(F13) was born I immediately felt that something was obviously amiss. She was blonde haired and blue-eyed, which was extremely unlikely for a child of myself and my ex-wife(f39).
I am very Mediterranean, and I have olive skin, dark eyes, and dark hair. My ex-wife has brown eyes and relatively dark brown hair. Her skin is barely lighter than mine. The baby also clearly bore no resemblance to me or anyone in my family at all. I had been having misgivings about my ex, too, and she seemed too quick to express surprise and make excuses.
Still though, I didn't want to throw away my marriage over what could have been my own misunderstanding of genetics, and so I signed the birth certificate.
I instantly knew that I was going to have a paternity test done, but something else surprised me. When I brought our little girl home, I still fell in love with her. It felt just like bringing my son(M14) home, and, looking at her, I still just saw her as an innocent, beautiful little baby. We bonded.
The paternity test came back negative, as I suspected it would, and I decided that our marriage was over. I still loved our little girl though. My then wife did everything that she could to drag out the divorce and refused to separate or move out.
My daughter's biological father (every bit as blonde and blue-eyed as I suspected)turned out to want nothing to do with her or my ex. He was already married with his own family, and his only focus was preventing the situation from blowing back on himself too much.
My ex went totally nuts when both I and her affair partner rejected her, and she made some very unfortunate decisions. To make a long story short, she ended up with prison time for crimes including identity theft, assault with a deadly weapon, and grand theft Auto, when she stole credit cards and forged documents for both of us, and when she stole her affair partner's car and tried to run him over with it.
I ended up with custody of our kids, with the affair partner never even attempting to establish any kind of paternity rights. I didn't want to press the issue myself, as I couldn't deny that I had bonded with this child, even knowing that she wasn't my real daughter.
I had been shunning my ex-wife as best I could and trying to move on with life after she was finally out of the house, it wasn't long before I got together with and married my current wife(F34), and we've since had another two children. (m10, f8)
My eldest daughter is a total Daddy's girl, and we have a wonderful relationship. She always feels loved, and I treat her the same as my other kids. Even though she obviously stands out, my family accepts her too, or at least that's what I thought.
I work for my father's company, and the other day we were out talking about the future and his will, and he was talking about what money/assets etc He wanted to leave to whom, including his grandchildren, and I noticed that my older daughter had been left out, I mentioned it to him, and he said, "It's nice what you've done for (daughter's name), but you have real children, and obviously they should come first,"
I interrupted him, and I told him that She is my real daughter, and that I thought she should be treated equally. He just paused and looked at me for a moment, and he said, "I guess you feel how you feel," before he noticed I was still about to argue with him and he shrugged and moved the conversation on to things about work and my siblings. I was too polite to try to force the matter at the time, but it sort of stuck with me.
My father isn't the type of man to harp on a point, and I am certain that he's content to have said his piece and would let the matter drop. He could certainly tell that what he said upset me, and so I doubt he'd bring it up again. Frankly, he sort of raised me the same way.
At the time, I was shocked, because he's always seemed to accept my daughter as a part of the family. He buys her gifts for her birthday and for Christmas, and he makes her feel welcome, but, thinking about it, he really is just a kind, polite, and generous man in a lot of ways. He will and has bought Christmas gifts for high school friends or significant others, if he knew they were coming, and the same for other gift-giving occasions. He's generally very hospitable to anyone his friends or family bring around, so I thought that maybe it was just that, and I misinterpreted.
My wife is Asian, and so my eldest daughter always stands out. She's thin, and blonde, and blue-eyed, unlike pretty much anyone else in my family, and she's taller than any of the other girls or even most of the women, really, so I'm aware that she might look like the neighbor kid visiting or something. My wife loves her, and I know that she 100% accepts her as one of our kids, and she has been a great mom / stepmom.
I talked to my own mother, though, and while she's definitely closer to my daughter than my father is (They interact a lot more, and she includes my daughter with the other kids / other girls in family traditions and activities) I got a little bit of the same vibe from her. She was much more diplomatic, but it seems like she may also sort of consider my daughter to be sort of a guest / unfortunate orphan I'm hosting or something like that. She pointed out that I can make my own will however I want.
My daughter knows that she isn't biologically mine. That would have been hard to hide, even if we'd really had the opportunity. She doesn't want anything to do with either of her bio parents though. She's seen her biodad perhaps a handful of times in her entire life, and I don't even think he can remember her middle name. He seems to have pretty successfully kept his family together and his wife from leaving him, but he definitely doesn't want any involvement.
My ex-wife continued to spiral for a long while, and she lives in another state with another man and her own new family at this point. She mercifully rarely makes contact.
I've never really tried to go after either of them for money. I don't need it, and it's not a pot I want to stir.
My siblings are mostly supportive if a little bit mixed on the issue. Some of them say that they could never raise the child of a partner's affair, but all of them say that they love and accept their niece.
I just can't get over the way that I feel distant and upset about what my father said though. He's an extremely kind and generous man, and he's always taken care of his family. He's given me opportunities and a lifestyle that I could never have achieved without him. I love him and I look up to him. Maybe that's why I feel sort of, I don't know, betrayed? It feels wrong that she's the only one of his grandchildren to be left out of his will, apparently because he doesn't consider her a "real" grandchild. Intellectually, I can accept that he's technically correct, but it feels wrong. She is my daughter.
Am I wrong though? Am I just being entitled and unreasonable here? Am I the asshole?

Comments

jacobydave
I get why members of your family might consider you foolish for raising the result of you ex-wife's affair, but honestly, it speaks well of your character that you treat her as your own. I wonder if your parents would be similarly non-accepting if you had adopted a child, because, practically, that is what happened. I wish you and your family the best. NTA.

lawfox32
I think OP should ask his parents that. "If I had adopted a child, would you feel this way about that child? Okay, because that's what I did. I put my name on her birth certificate and raised her knowing she wasn't biologically mine. I adopted her and she's my daughter."

Live_Western_1389
I agree. And tbh, she was born into your family and you have claimed her as your own child, same as if you’d adopted her or brought her into the world through birth. That’s very important to me. And tbh, anybody that didn’t want to accept that and wanted to treat that child differently from my other kids would not be someone I would want spending much time with any of my kids. NTA. I think you are an amazing dad.

**Judgement - NTA*\*

Update - 5 days later

Just a small update. Thanks for the comments and wishes. It really put a lot of things into perspective and it confirmed to me that I needed to say something.
Some people seemed surprised at the way I let my daughter's bio parents "off the hook", so to speak. The main reason I've never tried to go after My ex or her affair partner for child support is that my daughter is more important than money. I'm not struggling at all, and I have the support I need. More importantly though, I have my daughter. Even though the affair partner didn't apparently want anything to do with her, my lawyer did mention way back in the day that either he or my wife, being her biological parents, could have a strong case for seeking custody.
I know I'm biased, but her bio dad seems like a huge asshole, and I know he doesn't care about her. I wouldn't put it past him to try to get custody just to duck out of paying child support though, if his hand was forced. And the idea of her having to go stay with him is just something I don't even want to think about.
Kind of the same thing when her mom got out of prison. She seemed like she was very quick to go shack up with her new guy, and she seemed willing to let the matter lie, so I did the same.
The fact that neither of them tried to get her, or, in my ex's case, the way she hasn't even bothered to keep much contact with our son either tells me more than everything I need to know about the kind of parents They are / would be. They only seem interested in their pre-existing/new families respectively. I wouldn't want to try to back them into trying to take custody. With my daughter being 13, it's possible that we've sort of "run out the clock" on that matter, but it's still not drama we need or a risk worth taking.
In better and more important news though, I talked with my dad.
I met with my father for lunch, which was easy enough, as he's around most days and we could sync up some time.
I mentioned that I wanted to talk about my daughter not being in his will, and I told him that even if it meant dividing what was being left to me or my other kids, I felt it was really important for her to be included. I also mentioned, as I felt, and as a lot of people pointed out, that it would be devastating for her to find out that she'd been excluded after his death.
My father agreed that that was a really good point, and he said that she is a lovely girl, that he does love her, and that he wouldn't want to add extra pain or bitterness to her life, especially at such a time.
Also, it had gotten around to him that I'd been sort of poling My siblings a little bit, and I think my mom talked to him some, and he said, "This is obviously very important to you. You're my son. I can just change it. It's not so much money anyway." And he was right. The amounts of money being left to individual grandchildren aren't massive, but the gesture and the thought are what's most meaningful. Mostly everything is going to my mom and or us his kids anyway.
Really, there was no reason for me to expect him to have been stubborn or hard-hearted about any of this. It was just something that we needed to talk about.
My father reiterated that Everyone loves my daughter and that she'll always be family and always have a home.
He has a gold bracelet that he has worn somewhat occasionally over the years, and he mentioned that my daughter thought it was pretty. When she was very little, she noticed it on his wrist and said that jewelry was for girls. He laughed and explained to her that sometimes boys wear jewelry too. She thought it was nice and he let her try it on even though it was way way too big for her wrist. She was a little toddler then. I didn't know about that moment between them, and I thought it was really sweet that he remembered. He said that he was going to leave her the bracelet and a note and that as far as money goes she'd get the same share as the rest of my kids.
So we had a nice lunch and we both felt better for it. Nothing too dramatic, but really the best way things could have gone.
Thanks everyone, for confirming that I wasn’t being crazy and confirming that I needed to talk to my father and set things right.

Comments

AppropriateArea1716
this is a happy update . your father is a good man and he raised you to be a wondrful man

StrategyDue6765
Yeah. Glad to hear things worked out well with your dad! Sounds like he's got a good heart and made the right call. Wishing you and your family all the best!

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
submitted by SharkEva to BORUpdates [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:02 SharkEva AITA for Telling My Sister's Fiancé About Her "Loyalty Test"?

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Fang724 posting in AITAH
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Short
Original - 14th May 2024
Update - 8th June 2024

AITA for Telling My Sister's Fiancé About Her "Loyalty Test"?

Using an alt because my friends use Reddit and not sure if I want to open this stuff up to those in my life as things haven't settled between everyone yet. I (26F) have a younger sister, Lily (24F), who’s been with her fiancé, Mark (28M), for three years. They’ve always seemed really happy together, and they’re planning to get married next summer. Lily and I have always been close, but she can get pretty intense and a bit paranoid when it comes to relationships.
A few weeks ago, Lily told me about this plan she had. She wanted to test Mark’s loyalty by having her friend Sarah flirt with him at a party to see how he’d react. I told her it was a terrible idea and that she should just trust him, but she was dead set on it. She said she needed to be sure Mark wouldn’t cheat on her once they’re married.
So, last weekend at a party, Sarah went ahead with the plan. According to Lily, Mark was nice but didn’t flirt back and even mentioned he was engaged. But Lily was still upset because she felt he didn’t shut Sarah down "forcefully enough."
I thought this whole thing was really unfair to Mark. He had no idea he was being tested, and I felt bad for him. So, I ended up telling him what Lily did. He was shocked and hurt but thanked me for being honest with him. Now, Lily is absolutely furious with me. She says I betrayed her and ruined her relationship. She won’t talk to me, and she’s saying I overstepped big time.
Our parents are split on this—Mom thinks I did the right thing, but Dad thinks I should’ve stayed out of it. Mark is now reconsidering the engagement, and Lily has cut me off completely.
I’m feeling really torn and guilty. I don’t know if I did the right thing by telling Mark or if I should’ve just stayed out of it. AITA? And if I am how do I fix this? Should I try to repair my relationship with Lily, Should I reach out to Mark again or give him space?
Any advice would be really appreciated. I’m so lost right now.

Comments

Angrymiddleagedjew
Your sister isn't mature enough for marriage and is looking for reasons to cause drama. Either she's bored, or she cheated/came close to cheating and is projecting her guilt onto the man. Your dad is also an idiot.
Think about it like this: She gave him a test, he passed with flying colors, and she's still mad he didn't do well enough somehow? He passed a test she created and roped her equally terrible friend into, and she's mad at the result even though it's the one she said she wanted.
Your sister needs help, not a husband.

littlebitfunny21
This.
Honestly her fiance couldn't win.
If he was too rude she probably would have been pissed off.

Daughter_of_Dusk
NTA and I don't blame Mark. I wouldn't want to marry someone who doesn't trust me either.

GrouchySteam
Furthermore she was dissatisfied her game didn’t end up showing her fiancé is a player. She wanted to go farther. She wants to trick him to catch him. Why is she so obsessed with proving he is a cheater?
Who would want to associate with someone so invested on trying to trick them, or pushing someone else to harass them as a testimony of their engagement or fidelity.

**Judgement - NTA*\*

Update - 5 days later

Hey everyone, I wanted to update you since it’s been a month since everything went down.
First off, thanks to everyone who shared their thoughts and advice. It helped a lot to hear different perspectives, and that most people seemed to agree I did the morally right thing which lifted a huge weight off my chest. After my post, things were really tense. Lily refused to talk to me, and there was a huge divide in our family since we're the only two kids my parents have now... Mark reached out once to say thanks, but I could tell he needed space so I gave it to him, me trying being a source of comfort for him after everything went down didn't seem right and I didn't want any worse assumptions to start.
About two weeks in, Lily reached out and asked to meet up. I was surprised but eventually we met up, and while she was still upset and despite how pissed off she was at the beginning she realized her actions were over the top. She told me she’s going to see a therapist to work on her insecurities. It was an emotional talk, and we both cried. We agreed to try slowly mend things starting with meeting up at our parents house more often but it’s going to take time.
Mark took a break from Lily to process everything. They put their wedding plans on hold, which was hard for both of them. About a week ago, he decided he wanted to try and work things out, agreeing to attend couples therapy with her too. It’s not easy, but they’re committed to trying, and I guess I was so guilty at the start because it was obvious despite everything he was crazy in love with her and I didn't want to break that...
During this time, I’ve been working on myself too. I’ve realized how much I value honesty and integrity in relationships, and I’m trying to be more supportive without overstepping. It’s a learning process, but I’m trying
Lily and I aren’t back to where we were and I don't know how long its going to take but we can keep trying. We’ve had a few good talks and laughed a little like we used to
Thanks again to everyone who offered advice and support. It’s been a tough month, but I’m happier now, I’ll keep you posted if anything major changes.
Take care and thanks again

Comments

Background_System726
Glad to hear everyone is communicating like adults and trying to repair relationships!
RogueishSquirrel
Huh....communication Winning the day,that's something you don't see every day. Good one on everybody in this story! Apologies if the post comes off curt. Seeing my fair share of these stories tends to leave me jaded and cynical, but do know the kudos are very much real, and I hope things work out for everybody.

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
submitted by SharkEva to BORUpdates [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:01 ibid-11962 Worldbuilding and Touring [Post Murtagh Christopher Paolini Q&A Wrap Up #10]

As discussed in the first post, this is my ongoing compilation of the remaining questions Christopher has answered online between August 1st 2023 and April 30th 2024 which I've not already covered in other compilations.
As always, questions are sorted by topic, and each Q&A is annotated with a bracketed source number. Links to every source used and to the other parts of this compilation will be provided in a comment below.
The previous post focused specifically on inspirations and other media. This installment will focus on Worldbuilding and Touring, how Christopher constructs his worlds, and how he goes about promoting them on tours. The topics aren't actually linked, but they both fill up around half a post and so are being joined here. The next and final post will focus on miscellaneous questions about the real world.

Worldbuilding

Creating Magic Systems
Did you have a research process when you were writing the Inheritance Cycle? I put a fair bit of thought into the story itself of the Inheritance Cycle, and then some general stuff as to the society and just kind of where things were in the world before writing it. I put a medium amount of thought into the magic system before I started writing, and then as I wrote the implications of it became much more apparent to me, and I really sort of dove deep into it. In retrospect, were I to create a fantasy world from scratch now, I would really put a lot of attention into that magic system and the society beforehand, just to have a good feel for that before I even start chapter one. I would put more restrictions on the magic too. I think the more restrictions, the more interesting, even the more realistic in some ways. [3]
If I were designing a magic system from scratch nowadays I would put way more restrictions on it because I find that the limitations are useful, I don't want the characters getting overpowered, but also just from a storytelling standpoint, incantations, rituals, spells, prayers, potions, all of those mechanical things are just kind of interesting and of course they give lots of opportunities for things to go wrong if you don't follow the correct steps. So I think if I were designing magic from scratch right now I'd put a lot of restrictions and rituals associated with it. So costs, more costs. [25]
What kind of hacks do you have to developing a magic system? Once I have a general idea of the setting, whether science fiction or fantasy, the first question I ask myself is how does it diverge from physics as we know it? Because that is a fundamental question that's going to determine what is possible in this world. It might determine what's possible with warfare, with politics, with industry, manufacturing, travel times, it could affect everything depending on what type of divergence you have. In the World of Eragon, the divergence is that living creatures have the ability to directly manipulate energy using their minds. The reason for that is kind of handwavy, although I have an explanation for it, but that is the divergence and then I tried to be as consistent and physically possible with it at every step of the way past that. When people play games you always get people who are looking how to exploit it. "What's the most I can get out of this game? What's the most I can do?" That's basic human nature. Science is a speedrunning nature I think. So the same sort of thing. You assume that if magic existed there's going to be someone sitting in their basement who's absolutely obsessive about it and is going to figure out every single advantage that that divergence gives them. And you have to be realistic and work that into your world and say "Well people aren't stupid. They are going to figure this out and use it in this way, and what are the implications, socially, physically, and everything else?" Once I have that then you can think about society and culture and everything else, but that basic physical difference from our reality is just to me fundamentally important to understand before I even begin to write. [25]
With standalones you're not dealing with continuity or what rule did you break or things like that. That's interesting, because I would say that writing a sequel for me is faster than writing a standalone. At least for me, the more I know the characters and the world, the faster, like I don't have to do the groundwork of creating a magic system, creating a society, creating the gods and the history. All that's done for me, so I can just slip into it like slipping on an old glove. [33]
Creating Religions
A socio-political religion in your world helps drive characters or stories or die-hard fanatic characters forward. How do you go about developing those? Have the courage to let your characters actually believe the things that they are supposed to believe. If you look back historically people really did truly believe these different religions and different systems. Too often I think with modern stories we have people only giving lip service to the supposed belief and instead having very modern attitudes toward it which perhaps doesn't always work. That's understandable if you want a character to be relatable to a modern reader, but there are so many examples of interesting belief systems throughout the world. To me that's something fascinating to write about. But the main thing is just accept that when people truly believe something they're genuine about it and then you can follow that from a logical and storytelling standpoint. What I'd also say is, if you're writing about something that is very different from your own belief system, assuming it's not like completely evil, to try to approach it with a sense of charity. With the understanding that everyone is searching for meaning and understanding. I've always had a soft spot for the old television show Babylon 5, because although I don't believe that the creator J. Michael Straczynski is religious, he writes all of his characters with great sympathy and understanding, he's never cynical about it, and he's not putting up straw man arguments or criticizing any of the characters. He's like "They're searching for meaning. They're struggling with the great questions as we all do, and each one is trying to solve those questions in their own way." And I always really appreciated that he wasn't being cynical about it or really shallow. [25]
Creating Languages
Did you think of the ancient language, not just as a mechanic, but also as a parable of our own language? I was thinking about how language itself feels like magic to me. You can write a story, you can convey information. Language in many ways is our greatest tool and makes us human along with, I would argue, our hands, our ability to manipulate objects and use actual tools. But one without the other wouldn't really work and wouldn't allow us to be a technological species. We could have language with no ability to handle tools, and then we wouldn't be what we are now. But I find language fascinating and I find the function of language incredibly interesting. And there is this idea in the real world going back to the beginning of time, that to name something is to understand it, and gives you a certain amount of power over it, whether that's a person or a physical object. And the ancient language is just taking that idea seriously. And I'm not the first author or tradition to do that, but is it a parallel? Is it a metaphor? I don't know if I'd go that far, but it definitely ties into the use of language and my ideas about it. What's crazy to me is there is a theoretical arrangement of words right now that would give us a massive breakthrough in science and physics. There's a theoretical arrangement of words that were I to write it or anyone else would influence how people think about the next presidential election to such a degree that it might actually changed the election. These are all theoretically possible and you can think of many many other things that you could do with language. We just lack the knowledge of what those arrangement of words are, and so we're constantly clawing our way toward new knowledge and new uses of language. [19]
The languages that you were playing around with in The Inheritance cycle, they were Germanic, Anglo Saxon based? The ancient language, the magical language, is based very strongly on Old Norse, which of course is Germanic or related to Old High German. The Dwarven language was invented pretty much from scratch although it is an agglutinative language like German is. And then the other languages have not appeared very much in the series. They're just little scraps here and there. To be clear, I am not a linguist, and I have not devoted the time and energy to developing these in a formal or rigorous way, the way that Tolkien did. Tolken was a linguist and that was his forte. I got far enough down that path while working on the Inheritance Cycle that I really began to appreciate how every word has a history and that history is inexorably tied to the history of the land. It's often said that Tolkien created Middle-earth just to explain his languages, as a setting for the languages. Which isn't entirely true, but there is truth to that. That's what I was encountering and I was realizing that I could spend 20 years, 10 years, just working on the languages and building this out. It might have been a worthwhile venture, but the tradeoff would have been no more books published during that time. I want to tell a story. [28]
What I would do these days, or what I did with other languages, is come up with a couple of words that sort of had a general feel that I liked and then extrapolating from those invented words, figuring out what consonants and vowels and clusters thereof that I wanted. Come up with some more sample words based off that and then start working out some grammar. Grammar is probably my weakest spot since at the time I wasn't really aware of non-English grammar systems and I've put some more attention in that since then. [34]
The language and culture that you describe in the books seem very real. How do you start inventing a language? You shamelessly steal from Germanic mythology and Scandinavian mythology, just like Tolkien did. But I'm no linguist, I did my best, I have a copy of the Nibelungen up on my shelf along with the Eddas, and I based one of my languages on Old Norse, which gave it a nice sound and feel. So the main thing is picking things that make sense for your world and then trying to be internally consistent. [2]
Creating Maps
At what point in your writing process do you start creating the map? I've created the maps at different times in different books. At first I thought I didn't need a map because I thought that a good book should be perfectly understandable without a map. You shouldn't need to rely on anything outside of the text in order to enjoy it. And I still think that's generally true, but a map can add a lot. So for Eragon, I did it partway through the book. If I were to do a stand-alone fantasy novel, I would definitely want to work out the maps and stuff before writing it. [12]
The map for Eragon, the original black and white map, I did about halfway or a third of the way into Eragon. My idea was, and I still kind of believe this, that a well-written book shouldn't need a map in order to understand the story. You should be able to keep your bearings just based off the text. What I ran into though was that I was getting lost in the world myself with the amount of places and things after a certain point. And so I drew a map. [34]
For me I think if you're creating something in the real world obviously that gives you certain constraints and certain advantages but if you're starting with something from scratch, I find creating a map right up front is really helpful because your story is not going to visit every square inch on your map so by filling in those other details on the map you're going to get more story ideas and also ideas for potential conflicts, travel distances. It all feeds into the realism of the story as well as potentially future stories. It's fun stuff. The downside is you could spend your whole life worldbuilding. There's a there's a book from World War Two called Islandia, and the guy just spent his whole life creating this island and its culture to the point of working out the actual layers of geography of stone in the island. I've never actually read the book, I don't know if it's any good, but I know it was fairly popular when it came out. [25]
What hacks do you have for for creating geography and points of interest within your world? When I was creating the map for Alagaësia I actually used a old National Geographic Atlas and traced over various coastlines and then distorted them and pasted on top of each other in order to get sort of a natural feeling coastline. Please don't compare the island of Vroengard to the outline of Greece. Please don't do that. And then you have Robin Hobb who just turned Alaska upside down for her map which I always love because I've lived in Alaska twice. I think she told me that she never actually expected the book to get published, but then she got stuck with that because everything was tied to the geography that she started with. [25]
I think that a good map ought to have lots of points of interest, and the tricky bit is, without getting so detailed that it becomes cluttered. You see that sometimes with real world maps, like atlases and stuff, where there's a ton of place names, city names, river names, road names. All of which are useful and necessary, but it can actually visually get in the way of the art, perhaps the artistic effect that you would want a fantasy map to have in a book or a movie or even a game. [12]
There are world generators that you can just click through. It's really easy nowadays with technology to build worlds just by snapping your fingers. Even with those tools, if you have the time and inclination, I think there is some benefit to redrawing or painting the maps in your own style. I don't know about you, I love seeing when the maps are from the author themselves. I remember Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn by Tad Williams. Tad did all the maps himself, and I love that. Even if it's imperfect or a little amateurish it just gives it a really nice feel. I love Tolkien's original art for the same reason. [25]
Creating Dragons
You are the creator of your own world. Do you feel that you have follow certain canons of fantasy worlds, for example, dragons have four legs and wyverns have two? Or do you feel that you can practically do whatever you want because it's fantasy and you create everything? Yes and no. No because I have already established rules and traditions and precedence in The World of Eragon, so I have to be consistent with that. But if I were writing a new fantasy, I would not feel beholden to any tradition. If I wanted to write a world where the dragons have three legs or feathers or something like that then I would feel free to do that. That's the great thing about speculative fiction is it gives you the freedom to write and create whatever you want to. The thing is when you have a genre where anything is possible it actually reveals the limitations of your imagination. And there are very few authors, myself included, who really make full use of that. But at the same time, limitations can make your fiction more interesting. I think it's important to pick some limitations and that will help actually improve the quality of your work. [7]
Why did you decide to have your dragons have a saddle? I was around horses growing up. And the thought of actually physically being on a creature with very hard scales was rather terrifying if thought about in a practical sense. And so it just seemed to me that there had to be some protection. [33]
When you're writing fantasy and you include dragons, especially a dragon rider fantasy, depending on how many there are there, it's actually quite a difficult thing to not solve all your problems with dragons. I think the solution to that is you focus on the problems that dragons present, which balances out the advantages. And of course people are smart, whether we're talking about humans or elves or dwarves or any other invented species. If dragons were real, you'd come up with counters to them, whether it's a bunch of giant ballistae on your walls, or building domed fortresses, or building underground. You would come up with solutions and it would negate those advantages. And that's always my issue with writing fiction with dragons in the real world. If it's a slightly more modern, then you have to ask, well, why isn't everything different in history? Like if dragons were a constant part of our world, architecture would be different, warfare would be different, politics would be different. Well, no, politics would be the same. What am I saying? [30]
I'm sure all of us have seen the fantasy paintings of like a knight in armor with a lance on a horse facing off against a dragon. Now, to be fair, a lance moving at a decent speed at a horse galloping will have enough kinetic energy behind it to punch through just about anything. It could do a lot of damage. But any decent sized dragon would move so fast and be so strong, you wouldn't have a chance with a lance. You'd need a giant crossbow. That'd be your only choice. The size of a dragon, intelligence of a dragon. Until you get to projectile weapons, you have no chance. [30]
We all know what any creature gets when they bond with a dragon. They get a dragon. But why would a dragon create that bond? Why would they do it? Is it the bond, is it their nature? I think for me, having other species bond with the dragons was essentially a way to keep the dragons from getting wiped out. Because dragons are such a huge threat. If you imagine in the real world, we don't suffer giant predators to be constantly predating and disrupting our world. We remove that threat. Especially if there's magic involved, the ability to remove that threat gets even bigger. So in a way I viewed the bond between rider and dragon as essentially self preservation for the dragons, if not the other species as well. Without some sort of symbiotic relationship, coexistence becomes very, very difficult. That, or the dragons have to be smart enough to just essentially remove themselves from the world and live off in the far off places. But that gets really difficult when you start considering how much they need to eat. I remember reading the Live Ship Trader series and I remember the end of that spoiler alert where it's become clear that true dragons have returned now. And it really was kind of an oh crap moment because you start thinking about what that actually means for there to be dragons in the world again. It's kind of like Reign of Fire. [30]

Promoting The Books

Touring Hazards
How did you do on your book tour? It was a lot. It was a lot. I did 50 days of touring last year between Fractal Noise and Murtagh. Obviously the majority of that was for Murtagh. And of course I had a couple other trips in there as well. I went to New York Comic Con. I had one or two personal trips. So there was a lot of travel last year. My goal is to not have as much travel this year. In general, the book tours were awesome, great crowds for the Fractalverse, enormous crowds for World of Eragon/Murtagh. I don't normally talk about this stuff, but since we're past it, it doesn't matter. I started touring for Murtagh November 6th and then got home for good on December 16th. But there's always a risk of getting sick while you're traveling. And I did pretty well in the US leg of things. And then over in Europe between the jet lag and not sleeping- I had a really amazing dinner, one of my publishers took me out to a three star Michelin restaurant. The problem was the dinner started at 8pm and didn't finish till midnight. And there were two or three desserts, and the last dessert was full of coffee, and I didn't realize it. Absolutely full of coffee. And I did not get to sleep until like four in the morning. And I only had three hours of sleep that night. So I think I got sick the day after as a result. I got so sick on the European tour that at one of my stops I had to call paramedics to my hotel room at 2 a.m. because I couldn't breathe. Ended up with bronchitis for the first time in my life. But I'll have you know, I did every event. I didn't miss a single event. I managed to do all my presentations and made it through in one piece. I've never, never backed down from doing an event, even while bleeding. Can you tell us a little bit about the time that you were bleeding in an event? Well, I was in Europe. I was touring for Inheritance, I'd already toured North America, and then I started in Europe, went to UK, and then I went to Australia and New Zealand. But first country was Germany, and I think I did Munich and Cologne, and then I ended in Berlin. And in Berlin, they had me in this wonderful theater that's like over 100 years old, which is very rare in the city, considering all the bombing during the war. And I'm backstage, which meant down in the basement of this theater. And there's like 500 people out waiting for me to make an appearance and there's someone introducing me and they say my name and everyone starts clapping. And of course you want to get on stage before the applause dies down. And the way you got onto stage in this theater was through a set of stairs. And it really wasn't even steps. It was almost like a ladder and it was wood. And the steps were so old that they were basically hollowed out from all the people that have gone up and down it over the years. So I'm scrambling up this and about halfway up, my right foot slipped off the edge of one of the steps because it was hollowed out and full speed, full strength, full weight, I slammed my shin into the edge of one of the steps, stumbled forward two more steps and did it a second time. But momentum, adrenaline, I keep going, I get up on stage, I waved to everyone. And fortunately for me, because I was speaking to a foreign audience, they had me sitting at a table with a translator and a presenter. So I got to sit down and the table kind of hit everything from view. And I start the presentation, start the event. And after about, I don't know, five minutes, I'm thinking to myself, okay, I've banged my shin before. We've all banged our shins before, but this really bleepin' hurt. So I looked under the table and the whole front of my jean leg on my shin is soaked with blood. There is blood dripping onto the floor and my sock is soaked with blood. So I poked my translator, the presenter next to me that I was doing a couple of events with, and I said, "Hey, look at this". And he glances under and his face just goes white. And I'm colorblind and I saw his face go white. And he said, "Do we need to call an ambulance?" And I'm like, "No, no, we're going to do this." So I did an hour-long presentation. And then I got up and managed to quickly limp over to a signing table. And no one really noticed that I wasn't feeling so hot. And I got behind the signing table, and I signed books for 400 or 500 people. And the funny thing is, I was traveling with this foreign rights agent publicist for Random House named Jocelyn, who was just an absolute beast of a woman. I love her to death. You have to understand, she did a European book tour with me while eight months pregnant. The woman was and is just very impressive. But she grew up on a farm. German family in the US, grew up on a farm. So I showed her my leg when I was sitting down to sign and she just looked at me and she said, "You need to go to the hospital?" I said, "Nope". She said, "I knew you were country. Good man." Slapped me on the back. So I finished signing and then I went back to the hotel and I had to get into a tub of water to soak my jeans off because the blood had dried and glued them to my shin. And the problem was I had a dent all the way down to the bone. And I really should have gone to a hospital because, sorry for the gory details, but what happens is when you get a dent like that, you lose the fat under the skin between the skin and the bone and it doesn't come back unless you get an injection to help it puff out and heal. And I didn't do that because I was on tour, there was no time. So the next day I had to fly to pretty sure it was Barcelona for the St. George Book Festival, which is a walking festival. So you have to walk from bookstore to bookstore in the city and do signings. But that was a bit rough. That actually took over a year to heal properly. I still have that dent. Stuff happens. I've heard some crazy stories with other authors. I'd rather it's my blood, not the fan's blood. [32]
Touring Difficulties
We've got blood and sweat, any tears from tour? On occasion. The biggest one is just being away from home. And if anything is a bit off for whatever reason, you can't just pop home and hold someone or do this or do that. It's just difficult to be that far away from home for so long. [32]
If you're not familiar with book tours, the way it often works is that you fly to a city, you get to your hotel room, you have a little bit of time to freshen up, maybe get some food and then you go to the bookstore and you do your event. And it has to be after people get off from work, so it tends to be a later evening event. If you have a large number of people show up, that means that that time spent talking and signing pushes fairly late in the evening. You go back, you get dinner, and if you're a semi-introvert like so many authors tend to be, you need some time to decompress, which means you probably stay up a little too late reading or writing. And then in the morning, you got to go get another airplane flight and go to the new city. All of which is fine, but going to the airport, doing those flights, with the time it takes to go through an airport these days, it means that the schedule has very little time in it. When I toured for Fractal Noise, the publisher one of the days had me fly from Tampa to Portland and I still had to do an event that day. Which I agreed to. It was my own fault because they had everything on the East Coast and I said, "Well, what about the West Coast? You know, I have readers on the West Coast. They need to get a chance to get a signed book." It was my own fault. But that can get rough when you're doing it for weeks on end at a certain point. You just can't recover. A day off? What's that? But it's a good problem to have. That people want to see you and want to read your books. It's an awesome career to have. [1]
I'm also a big fan of coffee naps. So I will drink a cup of coffee, usually my second cup of coffee, and then I'll go take a nap, and I will nap for about 30 minutes, because after 30 minutes the coffee wakes me up. And I find that 15 to 30 minutes is the perfect length of a nap for me, and if I go past that, I need to sleep for about three hours, because otherwise I get into the middle of a REM cycle, and if I wake up in the middle of a REM cycle, I'm just like groggy and drugged, and I feel worse than if I hadn't napped at all. And then of course, if you're on book tour, the way I have been for a while, you gain the ability to just close your eyes at any point and take a 10 minute nap 15 minute nap anywhere, and it at least helps you stay upright. [19]
Meeting Fans around the World
You just got back from the U.S. leg of your book tour — who’s making up the crowd? The readership is broad and probably older than it was back in the day. There are still a lot of 8-year-olds, but now there are grandparents, too. I’ve even met some kids who’ve been named after the characters, which is pretty amazing. Because people have been reading the series for so long, I tend to get a mix of incredibly detailed, hyper-focused, deep-dive questions about some of the lore, but also some more general ones about Eragon’s name. [16]
I'm sure you hear personal stories all the time especially at your readings and your your appearances. It must be lovely, and I guess overwhelming to connect with your fans. That's a good way of putting it: lovely and overwhelming. Everyone has their own personal history with these books. I have people showing up who named their children after the characters, or who've gotten tattoos. Oh my goodness, what's the one you get? Multiple Saphiras, Aryas, Rorans, a couple of Eragons. As a writer, you want people to read your stories, enjoy them, be affected by them. If they're affected so strongly they name their children after your characters, you feel pretty good about it. [28]
Are your European fans different from your American fans? I actually haven't met any children here who are named after characters from my books. That seems to be an American phenomenon. The language barrier sometimes makes it a little more difficult to talk to European fans. But the love for Eragon is just as strong in Europe as it is in the US. This is not your first time on tour in Europe. Is there something you're missing here? I actually noticed that hotels in Europe usually don't have ironing boards or irons. This is standard equipment in America. [24]
My great-grandmother was from Sicily and then my grandfather was from Bologna. I just found out recently that my grandfather as a child was tutored by Fellini's wife. [7]
My grandfather was the stereotype of an elderly Italian gentleman. He had a mustache, he cooked spaghetti and he made the most amazing red sauce for the spaghetti. He used too much profanity. He was quite the character. [35]
Amsterdam is a beautiful city, but if I had grown up here I would probably still have written fantasy, but it would probably have influenced the type of fantasy I write. [23]
I was just in Stockholm on book tour for my latest book. And I've sold a really large number of books, proportionally in Sweden, and I'd never been there before. And I was kind of curious what their thoughts and feelings were on it, given the fact that I have shamelessly pillaged, Anglo-Saxon Scandinavian mythology for my own work. And they said native Swedish authors don't write using their own mythology, they go into the more literary veins and they import and translate other authors who are writing about Scandinavian mythology and they enjoy it immensely, but it doesn't seem to be a homegrown thing for them, which is rather odd, I think. [30]
Old Norse is not so far from German, do you speak a little bit of German? I understand a fair bit. When I've done presentations in Germany, I've had children ask me questions in German, and I can sometimes understand the entire question without translation, but I only speak a few words. [Host 2]: Let's try it. Can you ask the next question in German? Of course. Oh dear. [speaking quickly] Herr Paolini, wie viel von ihrer Vision für die ganze Serie hat sich mit der Zeit verändert? Hat es sich überhaupt verändert? Denn wenn man sich die frühen Werke anguckt, erkennt man, dass sehr viele Sachen aus den frühen Werken in den späteren wieder auftauchen. So dass es eigentlich unmöglich sein kann, dass sie das nicht von Anfang an komplett geplant haben? Translation please. That was not fair. But funny. Yeah, I was just asking, when you started writing the book, and it became not just one book, it became a whole world, it became a series, and I don't want to spoil anything, but if you read the first books and you read the later books, stuff comes up again, and it seems like you actually knew where it was going when you started writing, which is again insane because you were 15. Is that something you just got lucky, or did you really plan for a whole series when you started writing the first one? I planned because I tried writing some stories before Eragon, and I never got past the first five or ten pages because I didn't have a story. I would only have an inciting incident, like a young man finds a dragon egg in the forest. Well, fun, awesome, but that's not a story. So Eragon and the series as it was, was a writing exercise for myself to see if I could outline, plot, and then write at least the first book of a series. So yes, if you read the first book, Eragon, there's actually a scene, a dream sequence in the first book. And it is the very last scene of the last book. And I did that specifically so that I could point to it and say to my readers, "See, I knew what I was doing." But of course, it isn't the last book now. [2]
Before he finished signing them all he asked if I read Fractal Noise, I said yes. He then asked how I liked it. I said I liked To Sleep far more. And to be fair I did. But I could've been a little more less brunt about it. All in all I'm sorry Paolini. I hope you see this. Dude -- No need to apologize! I was the one who put you on the spot. I was just curious about Fractal Noise as it's pretty different from what I normally write. That said, I'm a big boy, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest if someone prefers one book over another. [R]
Have you been on TikTok? How do you find it? I have an account that my assistants post content on for me because I don't have the time and I don't want it on my phone, but it has been a really useful way to connect with readers, and I had a lot of people who came up during my book tour end of last year, who said that they found out about the events I was doing from the posts on TikTok. [33]
Outside of the tour, did you do anything to personally celebrate the release of Murtagh? No. Not to sound blase, but this isn't my first book I've released. Going on the tour is the celebration. Getting to meet the fans. It's an enormous expenditure of energy, time, effort, and it's very joyous and touching and meaningful for me. And I think for a lot of the readers. So that's the celebration. My team and I, we all kind of take a moment to pat ourselves on the back every time a book comes out and then it's back to the grind a bit. Also, I got to celebrate my 40th birthday while on book tour, and I got to celebrate it with my editor, my publicist, my former publicist who's been with me since the beginning. So that was really nice. [32]
Appearance
Being an author is like the best kind of semi-celebrity, because nine times out of ten, no one knows who you are, you can live a nice quiet life, and then you get to go out and meet people who like your work. And that's a real treat. I grew the beard partly to keep people from recognizing me. But then I've had it for so long that it doesn't work anymore. And I got tired of shaving. But the problem is the beard takes so much time and effort to take care of it, it doesn't save me any time. [1]
Did your hat end up getting fixed post-tour? Yup. Fixed it myself with a rivet. [T]
Any advice on how to wear a pirate's hat without it being weird? It's very simple. There's one ingredient. You wear it with confidence. That's all. [36]
Signing Books
People people don't maybe don't realize what an endurance race it is, especially when when books are this big and successful. Like the amount. I once did 9,280 books in an afternoon and a half at a warehouse. I had nine people helping. I stood. I find that if I stand, I don't use my wrist. I can isolate the arm. And I just had someone shove it under me, someone pull it out for me, and everyone else was boxing, unboxing and flapping. But it hurt. It really hurt. I dropped my first name this past year. For the first time in a 20 year career, I finally dropped my first name. Did you feel defeated? Yes. But I have kids now and I just could not afford the time and the strain on my body. I actually got two typewriters. I got really bad inflammation in my right thumb from all the signing and I find that typewriters alleviated that. Also heavier like mechanical keyboards seem to help. So I know like Robin Hobb has suffered some severe problems with her hands with the amount of typing she's done over the years. So yeah, it is an occupational hazard. [33]
I have to say, signing 30,000 sheets is SIGNIFICANTLY harder than mining or placing 30k blocks in #Minecraft. Lol. [T]
Do you have a PO Box or something? I’d pay shipping both ways to have you sign my books. P.O. box is listed on paolini.net. Just include return shipping, please. :D Alternatively, you can arrange signed copies through Conley's Books & Music in Livingston, MT. [R]
If I send a book to a P.O. Box and pay for shipping there and back, would you sign it? Yup. Address is on paolini.net [T]
submitted by ibid-11962 to Eragon [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:01 survivaltothrival Healing Schizophrenia - Success Story!

This post has been adapted from Eft Universe, written by Sonia Novinsky. It's a long post, but a brilliant case study proving psychotic disorders can in fact be healed.
Jacqueline came to me about 1 year ago. She had been diagnosed as a schizophrenic with auditory hallucinations, depression, and an inability to operate in social environments. Now, the hallucinations are gone and she is well adapted to society. Along the way, many other benefits occurred, including relief from anorexia and the cessation of smoking. Here’s the story.
She arrived in a very depressive state, saying to me: “This is my last chance. And all I can pay is 10 dollars per session.” It was impossible to refuse her desperate appeal for help. She said…
“For 9 years now, since my daughter was born, I am taking Haldol, Prozac and other medications because psychiatrists considered me an incurable schizophrenic patient. I’ve been sleeping most of my daytime during all these years. After a traumatic event when my daughter was born, I fell into a depression. I started listening to Mary’s voice (Jesus’s mother) [diagnosed by her former psychiatrist as an auditory hallucination] and I had some inappropriate behaviours, including a kind of anorexia, with hospitalisation. I heard about your work with energy and I want to try it. I believe that this could help me get rid of medication and my disease. The only reason I don’t kill myself today is because my religion forbids me to do it.”
At the first moment, she told me that she had a supportive husband and parents, and also wonderful children and that made her feel more guilty for being a mentally ill person. She complained of smoking too much, of having difficulty resting and sleeping. She said she was also 30 kg more than her ideal weight, partly because of the antipsychotic medication. During the last 9 years she had been afraid to drive a car; before her crisis, driving was normal for her.
The last psychiatrist she saw was very oppressive, telling her she had an incurable mental illness and would be obliged to take Haldol for the rest of her life. When she arrived at my office, she was very angry with all psychiatrists and therapists who took care of her during all these years. They gave her no hope: just labels and drugs.
Before investigating core issues, I worked for some weeks on our rapport, trying to help her on her self-esteem and trying to develop some trust in our connection. She was very upset with the kind of relationship she had with her psychiatrists and therapists. A hierarchy was always present, and she was the inferior part of it, all the time. Her objections about the treatment were never validated by them.
In this case, it is very important to stress how strong was her intention to get rid of any medication because they condemned her to be out of a normal life.
I will give a summary of the main topics we worked with in EFT. We did EFT hundreds of times. I do a free talk while tapping, in a way that I can’t reproduce here, introducing humour and installing new meanings and possibilities. She was entirely open to working with EFT.
We started working with the most apparent sensation she was having at the moment she arrived. In my experience, you can start with this state, even if it is not a core issue. When this layer is reached, even if you don’t clear it completely, it gives room for the traumatic memories to show up.
Meanwhile, you get the basic trust needed to work deeply. So we started working on her self-image and self-esteem.
While we were tapping, I installed some reframing about how I was one with her, no hierarchy between us, how we were together and no label separating us.
The result was important for the rest of the treatment: She trusted that she was not alone and that I was assuming a strong, deep, and personal commitment with her.
She disclosed that when her daughter was born she was very upset with some events and we tapped on them. The worst one (which launched her first psychotic episode) was her husband’s imposition that his mother should be the godmother of her daughter. When Jacqueline went to see her mother-in-law to invite her, her reaction was very negative. She said: “I accept to be the godmother but I will not receive your family in my house.” This was a traumatic event for Jacqueline.
She felt very unhappy, with no way out, and thus she had her first psychotic attack. She undressed completely at a soccer stadium full of people.
We tapped for this event, and many aspects showed up. We tapped for the shame and guilt of not having control of her behaviour. While she was narrating the event, I tapped on her. This is my preferred way of tapping specific events. This one was a very traumatic event, but finally her husband agreed to her demand that his mother would not do the baptism of their daughter.
Thus she was victorious in some way, but she paid a high price for this “victory”: From this day on, she carried the label of a sick person. Two months later, her mother-in-law died suddenly and that gave Jacqueline the illusion of having a mean power inside her, and that made her still more guilty. In some way, Jacqueline felt she had no control over herself but from another point of view she was afraid of having some extraordinary power.
Jacqueline wanted to drive a car again. She felt ready to try it after clearing her psychotic attack and its consequences*.* So we tapped for the fear of driving, first at my office, then in her car.
Some aspects of her fear were: fear of losing control, fear of hitting the car, fear of hitting some one on the streets, fear of killing someone.
We made a test. We went inside her car and tapped in the car for any aspect, like “heart jumping too fast,” “I am not able to drive anymore,” etc. With me at her side, in the car, she drove the car by herself. After a couple of minutes, she was very calm, driving the car. Since that day she has been driving the car with no problem, with her children. Sao Paulo (my home) has very dangerous and wild traffic. Many normal people don’t drive cars here. But she does it now.
Schizophrenia is caused sometimes by double messages received mainly during childhood. Since her birth we could find many situations where double messages were received. Clearing all these double messages of Jacqueline’s life, from her birth until now, it was essential to allow her to see everything in a different way and to create a more integrated identity.
Jacqueline was the first child. Her father (Italian origin) wanted only a male child. When Jacqueline was born her mother felt in some way not comfortable with the fact that she couldn’t give her husband a boy. At the beginning of her life, Jacqueline felt no holding, no sensation of being desired. Eleven months after her birth, her mother gave birth to a boy who received all the attention of the parents. Jacqueline was most of the time with a single aunt that had a strong passion for a Catholic priest at that time.
We tapped for all events and sensations Jacqueline could remember that were related to this belief of not being wanted, of not deserving love, of being guilty for not being the boy her parents were waiting for. The strategy Jacqueline found was trying to persuade her father that she was good enough like a boy would be, and to do so she became too close to him and that made her mother very jealous and ambivalent toward her.
Investigating it more, I discovered that when Jacqueline had her crisis, after the birth of her daughter, she was feeling guilty and not deserving of having two healthy children, a boy and a girl. This was connected with a specific and important event that we addressed in each detail.
When she was 18 years old, she was dating her future husband and she got pregnant. As she was very religious and she wanted to become a mother, she didn’t want to get an abortion. But her husband, Leo, said that he would stay with her only if she got the abortion.
She postponed it as much as she could. She felt under a big pressure. She didn’t want to lose Leo and didn’t want to lose her child. She talked with her parents and they agreed with the abortion. So she did it. It was a very traumatic event for her. She felt guilty for the abortion, felt enraged with Leo, who didn’t go with her to the clinic, and felt very uncomfortable with her father. After the abortion, he was very critical of her. Their parents were supportive on one side, but on the other they were very severe and full of deception.
We tapped for each aspect of this event: the blood she saw, the place where she lay down, the light of the room, the questions the doctor asked her, the ambivalent sight of her mother, the feeling of abandonment because Leo was not there, the guilt of killing a 4-month-old fetus.
We discovered that her anorexia was connected with the blood she saw at the abortion. From that day, she started feeding herself in a more balanced way and started losing the extra weight she had at the beginning of the treatment.
We could see at that moment how the mother-in-law event triggered the abortion trauma, guilt, and anger. When her husband made this second imposition to her, “My mother will baptise my daughter,” she fell apart and collapsed. From that day, she started hallucinating and having inappropriate behaviours. One manifestation of this behaviour was a passion for a Catholic priest (like her dear aunt in the past), who held her in a compassionate way at the church.
In my point of view, the main issue for Jacqueline was not being held since the beginning of her life, and this fact was repeated many times, maybe because the writings on her walls were like these: “I don’t deserve to be loved, I don’t deserve to be held, there is something wrong with me, I should be different to be accepted, I am inappropriate, I have some strange powers that can harm people, etc.”
What was interesting is that when we cleared all aspects of the guilt of the abortion, including the guilt of having healthy children and the guilt of being alive (she used to talk of suicide as a self-punishment), that same week her anxiety stopped, her voice became more calm, and she stopped smoking.
I think the most important piece of this therapy was the possibility she opened for me to have a deep rapport with her while tapping. She started believing that she was a person, not a sickness, and as far as this occurred, her own family started to legitimate her as a mother, a professional, and a complete human being. She felt the self-confidence to restart her professional life. For 10 years her family and Leo’s family considered Leo the best husband, almost an angel, and Jacqueline was the crazy one, the problem. The whole system around her changed when she changed.
Some months ago she gave me a long written testimony (in Portuguese), about her issues and her treatment, confirming some of the results I have written here. Her intention was to help other people who could profit from her experience. On one of the last days, she completed the testimony verbally. I quote her words:
“For the first time in my life I feel peace in my heart. I have difficulties with my son and with my husband, but they don’t disturb my peace. I want to live like a normal woman and like a helper, for this I am praying and serving as a volunteer in a hospital.
“For the first time people trust me again. I was elected to the directory board of my club, and possibly I will be a candidate for a public position in the near future. I am free from the obsession for the priest. I know it because I went to see him in the church and could see him only as the priest he is. I don’t need smoking or the voices I used to listen to. I can remember the abortion without guilt. I couldn’t have a child for myself at that moment. I feel free from the double messages my husband used to send to me all the time, saying he loved me but excluding me from his life and problems and pleasures. I feel ready to take care of myself, and to take care of my children. I am living each day, not anticipating the worst like I used to. The pressure I felt in my heart is gone. I feel as healthy as anyone in this life, even if I need therapy for some more time.”
In conclusion, I think that what was decisive was EFT plus the holding she felt because I could accept, without any judgment, her passion and fantasies for the priest, her wish to die, and her fear of getting crazy, and her deep pain out of any category or classification that could separate us.
submitted by survivaltothrival to EmergingTherapies [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:01 crunchfrenchtoast AIO for not wanting to hang out with my boyfriends friends anymore after seeing what one said about me?

For background, I (f21) have been with my boyfriend (m26) for just under two years now. We’ve kinda hit the phase of the relationship now where we tend to bicker often, never over anything serious just over stupid stuff from being around each other all the time . I admit and have admitted to him that I need to tone it down a little. I’m in school and work so I’ve been extremely stressed out lately along with my own personal problems. If we ever argue around friends, it’s for like ten minutes max and not actual arguing, more so just getting snappy with each other, because we’ve both been around couples that argue or really get into it and it’s just awkward for everybody. So if we are around people and I’m annoyed at him for whatever reason I consciously try not to let it show.
A big root of our problems and why I’ve been so frustrated lately is because I have been feeling like I have to compete with his friends in order to spend time with him and that we don’t ever get quality time alone. He saw where I was coming from, agreed, and we had a great conversation about it. We both felt much better and stronger about our relationship after the fact, and then went and spent a nice night together just the two of us.
Anyway, here is where the problem is. Last night I went to set an alarm on his phone. I had already sent one on mine but I am very bad at waking up in the morning, so two alarms going is better for me. As I went to close it out, his other apps were open including his texts and I saw my name so naturally I got curious. I’m not the type to go through my boyfriends phone, I think everyone deserves privacy and also have absolutely no reason to ever need to go through it. I know I shouldn’t have looked, but curiosity got the best of me and I did. His friend texted him and invited him over, and my bf explained we were gonna spend some time together that night. To which his friend responded: “Maybe if she would treat you better and not be a cunt all the time she would deserve some quality time.”
Now my boyfriend defended me, but this really upset me. Like bad. We are always hanging out with my boyfriends friend group and I am an insecure person in general but I was comfortable hanging out with them and thought that they liked me. We had been with them for about 8 hours earlier in the day for a car show, and at the start of the day I was a little grumpy because I was exhausted, but it was a good day for all other than a little bit of a rough start for me in the morning. I ended up waking my boyfriend up, explained how I saw it, and started crying. He tried to comfort me and explained how this is his best friend and he’s just trying to look out for him , and that it’s the first time he’s said anything about that like me. He said it’s just from what he’s seen with us bickering more often lately. Still, I was extremely and am still very upset. I don’t think I deserved that at all and it really caught me off guard. I told my boyfriend that obviously I don’t care who he hangs out with and that is his best friend, but that I can’t hang out with that friend anymore. Which, may be an issue because that friends house is where the friend group always hangs out. But I am a sensitive person and not good at faking a happy mood around people. I’m a server so I do it enough at work. My bf told me that I shouldn’t do that, because he still wants me around and that even though our relationship is 100% fine, that it might make it or me look bad if I stop showing up to hang out with him and his friends. I said regardless I need some time before I’m ever around them again. I get that he’s looking out for my bf, but I found it incredibly mean. When he and his gf were in their “argue all the time phase” and I mean allll the time, in front of anybody, we never said anything to him about his gf or made comments like that. I just don’t feel comfortable being around them anymore. But, I know I’m sensitive so , AIO?
TLDR: While doing something else on my boyfriends phone, I saw a text where his best friend called me a cunt, said I treat him bad, and that if I acted better maybe I would deserve some time with my bf. My bf and I both agree our relationship is fine and that we just need to work on not getting frustrated with each other and listening. AIO for personally not wanting to be around this friend anymore?
submitted by crunchfrenchtoast to AmIOverreacting [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 14:59 Ok_Compote_4100 I did something horrible

CONTENT WARNING: SA, suicide, violence, animal abuse 🚫
English is my second language so I apologize for any grammatical errors.
I’m not entirely sure why I’m writing this, maybe it’s a desperate attempt at salvation, a selfish effort to offload my guilt onto these lines and out of my body. Or perhaps it’s because I need confirmation of what a terrible person I am and how I should live the rest of my life accordingly.
For context, I was born into a very dysfunctional family. My parents’ marriage was doomed from the start. My father was a violent alcoholic, and my mother was emotionally fragile, providing motherly care with cold and unfeeling hands. I grew up with domestic violence at home and severe bullying at school. My father was extremely violent and frequently drove under the influence with my siblings and me in the car. He was also often verging on inappropriate behavior towards us.
I was SA’ed for the first time at 13. At 14, after four reports to the local authorities and two suicide attempts, I was finally placed in foster care. I ended up in an institution where I started using drugs, leading to addiction. This resulted in my involvement in very bad environments, leading to another SA at 15 and yet another at 17. My drug use escalated to the point where I began prostituting myself at 15. The authorities gradually gave up on me and my reckless behavior, placing me in my own apartment at 17, which only worsened my addiction.
One night, I took far too many drugs and became extremely ill, vomiting and lying on the ground, unresponsive. My vision blurred, and I temporarily lost my sight and my hearing. Lying there, I thought I was going to die. I had lost all control over my body and senses. It felt surreal, lying there in what I once thought was my immortality. But I made it through the night, and the next morning, everything had changed.
My entire personality seemed to shift. It felt as if something had changed in my brain. I became incredibly aggressive. Despite everything, I had never been aggressive before. I was always calm, a pushover who couldn’t set boundaries. I had never experienced intense anger until that day. I destroyed my entire apartment. The urge to hit things was immense and gave me intense satisfaction, which only intensified when I ran out of drugs, which was often. At this point, I was 17 years old.
I also became extremely paranoid. I had episodes where I would lie on the floor, hyperventilating for hours as the world spun around me. I would hit myself in the head repeatedly, almost wanting to tear my hair out. There was only peace when I got my drugs. Then everything stood still, and nothing hurt anymore. I also started hearing voices and seeing things. Now to the point. I just want to stop here and stop writing.
I found myself in many bad environments, including a friend of mine and his family living on a farm. We all did drugs together. The family had many animals, including dogs. In hindsight, it’s clear they were forcibly breeding dogs to sell them to the highest bidder. One day, while at the farm, high on drugs, the mother placed a puppy in my lap and said I could buy him. She said that It seemed like just what I needed. He was a half-German Shepherd, half-Pitbull mix. I took him home. I was selfish, wanting a puppy, a best friend, a relationship.
I had Chino for four months. I tried to do my best for him. I bought toys, food, and a bed for him. I briefly read online about what to do and what not to do. But I was ultimately completely unprepared for the task. It was the stupidest decision and absolutely terrible conditions for a puppy.
It ended up with me hitting him. It didn't take long before I had one of my blackouts where I became incredibly aggressive. In the four months I had him, I hit him multiple times. If he chewed my debit card, preventing me from getting money for drugs, or if he had an accident indoors—these were all normal situations to face when raising a puppy. He was afraid of me. There was nothing safe for him in that home. Although I cared for him, my version of love was completely twisted. To Chino, I became what my parents were to me.
After having Chino for 1-2 months, I turned 18, resulting in the authorities evicting me from my apartment. The system that had supported me my whole life suddenly didn’t care. It felt like an additional betrayal. I became homeless with Chino. I slept on the streets, feeling utterly lost and alone in the world. I was a broken person who had long since drowned, and I selfishly dragged Chino down with me.
After four months with Chino, I decided I couldn’t care for him the way he deserved. No matter how sick it sounds, I really did love him. I loved him, and I hurt him. I found an animal shelter that took in dogs for a fee. It was a place that provided the right training and ensured they went to the right families. I took him there and saw him for the last time being led into the shelter, distracted by a toy from one of the handlers. I broke down completely but also felt relieved. I called the shelter periodically in the following months to check on him. He had been affected by everything he had been through. He was understimulated and clearly traumatized. But fortunately, they found him a family in the countryside with several large dogs. It was the best news in the world.
Today, I am 26 years old. I am studying at university. I am completely clean and free from all drugs. I live in my own apartment, have a boyfriend, and have no contact with my biological parents. But I am haunted. Chino haunts me, or rather, it is my actions that do. The better I get, the more I can feel and sense, and the more I feel my overwhelming guilt. I think of Chino when I lie in bed at night. When I find myself laughing and actually being happy with my life. A part of my humanity disappeared with Chino, a humanity that vanished by my own actions, and I will never get it back. Never. Of all the things I have experienced, these actions are the worst that have ever happened to me. I love animals, but every time I see a dog or find myself looking at a cute dog, a stone forms in my heart. I don’t feel like I deserve to be happy. I feel selfish even trying to move on. A part of me desperately wants to forget it. I look at other people who have never harmed anyone and think how blessed they are without knowing it. I feel like a horrible person.
I am unsure if I should tell my boyfriend. I feel like he has the right to know the kind of person he is with, even tho I am not like this anymore at all. Should I tell him? I have lost all my aggression today after many years of therapy. I had apparently developed a severe psychosis that lasted for several years. I also stopped hearing voices and the paranoia vanished completely. My psychosis also led to intense social anxiety, and today I constantly fear hurting others, that I will lose all control over my body and harm others. I no longer trust myself or my body. In a way, I understand why my parents never admitted what they had done because it is unbearable to live with. Knowing you have forever tainted the world with your actions and that there is nothing you can do to take it back.
No matter how good I am today and how many good deeds I do, I will never be able to take it back. It has become my legacy and my eternal curse.
Thank you for taking the time to read this
submitted by Ok_Compote_4100 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 14:55 What4864 I don’t know if I like my boyfriend

I (16F) and my new bf (17M) have been dating for not even a month. we ‘talked’ for literally like 1 or 2 weeks then started dating. He’s already acting like we’re gonna get married or something and this is my first real relationship so idk what im doing. Before him I always just felt a rly deep need to be LOVED, appreciated by a man, to not feel alone, to be taken care of which he does pretty well most of the time. Like he just bought me a bunch of things including flowers matching to my dress and crocs I wanted for my birthday last night and shit and I had a really dead party. When I was with him and other ppl were watching me be with him I just felt really uncomfortable and bad and maybe it’s because he’s not that attractive..? I care about him a lot and he cares about me more than anything but sometimes I don’t feel attracted to his looks/body OR parts of his personality. He’s always whining that he’s tired or complaining that his body hurts bc tbf he has got a lot of injuries, works long hours and doesn’t sleep well. But he doesn’t try in school and that’s something that matters to me, he’s kinda stupid and doesn’t even go to class half the time because he’s tired or doesn’t feel like it. Sometimes I literally have to act like his mom and make him go to class, eat something, go to sleep, etc. we’re not having actual sex but we do other things and that’s always fun for me but maybe it’s just because im always horny and he can match my freak. He’s short (but im really short), he’s chubby, his dick is small and other things idk. He also NEVER wants to help himself with his problems because he’s actually depressed like me, except he doesn’t even take his meds. Idk what to do. He treats me like a queen and makes me feel safe which is honestly what I need after being around guys who didn’t want the best for me and only made me feel not lonely for a night. I don’t want to break his heart by breaking up with him, and I would lose contact with the friend group I was just starting to fit in with. Even my mom just came in my room and said he has body odour😭 but I lowkey like his smell a lot. She said he’s short too but she said I’m ‘in good hands’ with him because he got me these gifts and stuff. SOMEBIDY HELP ME IDK WHAT TO DO
Tldr: my boyfriend is a dud but I feel like I need him
submitted by What4864 to relationships [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 14:55 Unhappy-Poetry-7867 (AIO) I have got mad last night when my feet photos got more compliments that any photo of me I have sent him

He never compliments me or expresses his feelings in general. Only when I get mad then he tells me how he likes me and how he is going to do better in the future. So I thought maybe he is just like that, not a compliments man.
Through our online communication of 8 months I have sent him several photos of myself but really not too many. Less than 10 overall. So I would get sometimes a reply to it "you have a pretty smile", "you look pretty". When I sent one a little bit more revealing but not too much, I've got "you don't wear much" (no shit Sherlock...) The last I have sent was me in pyjama. Again, nothing revealing, it just supposed to be cute. He replied he liked picture on my tshirts...
And I know he has foot kink. And as he was going through a difficult time I thought to make him a bit happier by sending few photos of my feet. And he replied how he hasn't deserved that and how hot and sexy they look.
WTF, dude?? I have got so mad. Literally my feet got more compliments than my face...
The whole thing feels so complicated for me... We haven't met yet... but I am the one who is always pushing for it. But when I do he says he wants that too. And we agreed to meet this summer. And although I have never got any compliment from him unprompted. We talk everyday, he cares a lot about my opinion, he always tries to find things I like, he literally sounds so happy when we talk in a call. And he did improve on several things that I complained about. And he always apologises in those times. He also said he felt cautious of how he should talk with me as I have blocked him one time by being mad at him. So he was afraid that by him saying the wrong thing it could happen again. He also often sounds naive by his whole view on stuff. (We are both in our 30s.)
That's why I feel confused and I don't understand am I overreacting over things as he is simply showing his affection in different ways most of the times or is it a legit reason?? As on one hand I did get what I wanted, to make him happy by those photos. But also felt hurt as to "so what do you really like about me??"
submitted by Unhappy-Poetry-7867 to AmIOverreacting [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 14:54 Pueoboy Is it better to confess to my crush or just leave it.

I'm sure this is a question that has been thrown around a few times, but I feel my condition is a bit different for two reasons. 1) She already has a boyfriend, and 2) I'm moving away in just a few months. So, my main question is if I should tell her how I've felt before I move for away for good, or do I just drop it and enjoy the last few days together as friends. I've been thinking about which way to go, as I'm not a very confrontational person, but this is one of the first times I think I've had a real and true crush on a person, and so I'm not really sure how to deal with it. For context with her, I've been trying to decide how she might act, and I can't come up with anything. She's a really kind person who cares for others' wellbeing, and she's not all that confrontational either. Her BF is one of about 10 people in our "main" friend group, as is she. They're both great people and I don't want to make things too awkward, but at the same time it doesn't feel great to just have these feelings bottled up and sitting on my mind. Any advice would be appreciated and utilized in how I approach this. Thanks
submitted by Pueoboy to teenagers [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 14:52 Fine-Masterpiece-570 Am I delusional

Hi guys I'd like to start off by saying I'm leaving a lot of important details and parts out because I'm typing this on my phone and lowkey too lazy to explain everything in depth but obviously if you guys need a better explanation I'm always open to replying. Also this story might sound confusing so if there's any questions feel free to ask. Grammar also prob bad because I'm writing this at 4 am in the morning.
People in the story: I'm F, 18 Claire F, 19 Nina F, 18 Tiffany F, 19 Nina's boyfriend M, 18
Okay firstly, I'd like to start off with how we met.
(To be honest she is chronically on reddit too so she might or might not stumble across this post, but since meeting and getting to know her I've come to a shocking discovery that she doesnt really date people which makes me more attracted to her oddly enough)
For the sake of identity and anonymity I will be calling her Claire.
I met Claire through a friend who just happens to also be her bestfriend. We'll call her Nina. We're all first years in college and I met Nina through instagram lol. The lore of that goes deeper but to summarize it, over the summer before school started, a class page for incoming freshman was created so that people could connect, and find roomies. I saw that page as an opportunity to find potential friends that could match my interests. I stumbled across Nina's post and instantly knew I wanted to be her friend. Not in a weird, psycho, stalker way but I thought she was really pretty and her hobbies and interests were similar to mine. Summers passing and I have yet to reach out to her or messaged her, but we followed each other on instagram. That's when I saw Claire in her posts and stories, and Claire really caught me attention. She very beautifully, and her smile is very contagious. She has that natural beauty 'pretty' that just makes her so attractive. At first I didn't really think much of it because school hadn't started and I'm just tryna to enjoy my last summer before officially heading to college.
College rolls around and I finally move into my dorm, the first few weeks were light and I really enjoyed every orientation event. Weeks gone by and I still have never talked to Nina. I've made some friends along the way so I completely forgot about her. But during week 2 or 3 into the term I finally see her for the first time in real life, and next to her was Claire. At first I was too scared to approach them and say anything because they were walking in this big group of people heading into a resident hall. Me being oblivious and nosy, I go onto instagram and finally sent a message to Nina. The DMs were just like "omg I think I just saw you etc etc"
We finally get to talking on DMs but eventually the convo died after like 3 days. So I'm like damn, I don't know if this girl even wants to be friends with me. So I move on with my day. College is the time to go out and make connections too so I was heavily involved in clubs and events. I went to my very first club meeting around October, and standing in the center of the room I see Claire. Now at this point, Claire doesn't even know who I am or that I know Nina, but for some reason I felt like I know Claire. Again, I was too scared to approach her so I ended up leaving the meeting after it ended.
This all happened in fall term, so eventually I just forgot about both Claire and Nina. That was until winter term started, and I was enrolled in this one class. Coincidentally Nina was also in this class and that's how we officially met. (Final fucking ly) We ended up having the same hobbies, interested, etc. creepily we also share the same birthday and our best friends (Claire and my best friend we'll call her Tiffany) also share the same birthdays etc. Till this day we all think it's such weird coincidence but we jokingly call it an invisible string or whatever that theory is.
Back to the story, eventually we all become close around the end of winter term going into spring term (current term right now). Before, me and Claire would never hang out one on one, it always involved or included our other friend Nina and sometimes her boyfriend. And usually our hangouts consists of eating out, sports, studying, or video games. But lately, we've been doing more stuff together one on one and I seem to enjoy it a lot. We recently picked up a hobby of running. And we actually have a lot in common. My interests align more with Claire than with Nina and it's been obvious as the group is always on us for being so alike. Anywho, overtime i had developed a crush on Claire but it's not in a way where I'd date her it's more of an admiration way because I don't really date people and I kind of think relationships are gross lol which defeats the whole purpose of a crush or liking someone, but i genuinely like this girl but I can't seem to point a finger at why I'm feeling this way when I don't even like dating. To my surprise she is the same. From what Nina and her bf told me Claire isn't really about the dating life either. Anyways the story is probably getting confusing and you guys are like wtf, so idk this post might be a flop. Anyways, when me, Claire, Nina, and her boyfriend would hang out as a group Nina and her boyfriend would always tease us and say something about how I want to be like Claire or how Claire wants to be like me and they would bring up stuff like "you guys should just date each other since you guys want to be each other" and everytime I would deny and be like ew gross don't say that but deep down I high key liked the tease. At the same time I've never personally asked Claire or heard Claire come out hinting at her sexuality but Nina would say somethings and Claire would just sit there and laugh it off or agree. To be honest I'm scared to even ask Claire myself so I don't know. Anywho I've talk to my bsf tiffany about this and my bsf says Claire def give off gay, and me not wanting to assume I just brush it off and try not to assume or anything. So, now that me and Claire are starting to hang out on our own I feel like we've definitely got comfortable with each other. I would also like to add that we both hate physical touch but lately it just happens randomly where we would compare hand sizes and pay hand games like chopsticks or whatever it's called. I might be overthinking it and delusional but who knows. One night me and Claire go for a late night run and we stop to take a break in front of our schools memorial building. This building had a flight of stairs which lead to the front entrance so we walked up to find it locked so as we were walking down I missed a step and fell but not really, I lowkey hurted my ankle but that didn't stop us from finishing our run. When we finally made it back to our start point I went to sit on the field where I could lay down for a bit and just stretch my foot. Claire came beside me and we just listened to music together. She kept asking if I was okay and I reassured her but I could tell she was lowkey worried. Fast forward to the next day we go out to eat with Nina, her boyfriend, and in the car I was seated next to Claire and just the thought of her arm touching mine made me feel so at peace and comforting. After dinner we went back to my dorm and we all as a group took edibles and made slime high. At the end of our slime session I felt really tired but I wanted to stay awake to talk to them because we were having a convo about relationships and somehow the topic directed towards me was what is my type. I start yapping about how I don't really have a type blah blah and then Nina's boyfriend mention something about me liking white guys, and when that came out Claire's eyes widen and went "you like white guys like Tiffany too" (cause I once mentioned how my bsf tiffany is a Oxford study victim) and yeah so Claire got real questionable and started asking about me and my type and what my lore was. And about my relationships. And that's when I said I like people who are smarter than me (I did this on purpose because I know that Claire is extremely smart) so after I said that Nina's boyfriend was quick to his feet and said something along the lines of "wait Claire is literally smarter than you why don't you guys just date instead" and that's when I blurted out ew no that's weird. And all I saw Claire do was turn to me and stare directly at me. Almost like she was waiting for me to agree or say soemthing to reinforce that. Minutes go by and the convo kind of became awkward but we were still talking about relationships and what not. And everytime I swear when someone says something Claire would look at me first and wait for me to answer before she answers and that's just something that I noticed. Anyways I'm yapping just to yap right now I will end it here if you guys have questions or want a more in depth explanation just reply to this post. Surely I'm missing A LOT of details.
But yeah what do you guys think am I being delusional and weird, am I overthinking, or this girl might be interested in me
I forgot to mention, we recently started following each other on Spotify and one day after a lecture me and Claire both had she made me get this app called Airbuds where you can see what your friends are listening to etc. I didn't really know how to work the app but this one morning I woke up and opened the app I saw her recent listening activity and it was all songs from my playlist so i took a ss and sent it to her asking why she was listening to Taylor Swift LOLL cuz she doesn't listen to Taylor Swift and she said it's because she was stalking my playlists. And then the other night when we went running I told her to start a jam because she's always making me start one and as she opened up her Spotify I kid yall not I see my playlists in her recent listening activity and I was like shocked. Anywho she tried brushing it off saying it's because that's the playlist we normally listen to on our runs but that's not true because I don't play off those playlists when we run so it's kinda sus🫣. But yeah that's the end of the story I go sleep now.
submitted by Fine-Masterpiece-570 to Crushes [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 14:51 ThrowRalonelycat04 I can’t move on from my past relationship.

I (19f) am struggling to move on from my ex (19m) after a 2 half year relationship but we have been broken up for 3 months but he was my first everything, I spent everyday at his house and I he was not only my boyfriend but also my bestfriend.
He broke up with me and has been really hot and cold with me since, breaking no contact and telling me he wants to be on good terms continuously and during our second last conversation and many times before saying he wants us to get back together one day but we both need to heal and see other people before that can happen and that he will never be in another relationship again. He has done some really mean stuff since the relationship ended liek going out of his way to make me jealous at a nightclub with the girl he told me not to worry about while messaging me telling me he was so happy he was making me jealous after he knew I was going to be there and he kept telling me nothing was going on with them but turns out they have been seeing eachother since they met 4 days after broke up and hanging out and sleeping with eachother in a “No labels” “no commitments” relationship Overall our relationship was unhealthy and our breakup has been so toxic but i am just really struggling to get over him and move on with other guys even though he has already “moved” on.
He blocked me tonight and it is probably for the better because everytime I tried to block him I couldn’t keep him blocked as i I’m still so not over him. Blocking me because I told him the cruel tiktoks he was reposting about me were not very in line with us being on good terms like he keeps saying he wants us to be but I just don’t know how to stop mourning the past and the future I thought we were going to hold like him two days before breaking up with me was talking about us getting married to his parents, we had been discussing baby names and how many children we wanted etc not even two weeks before and how our lives were going to when we were older. I know we both deserve better and I will probably meet someone else one day I’m just so sick of living with the pain that the person I loved doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore and I feel like I will never be okay again and never feel those feelings again
. I have been on dates with other guys I was even hanging out with another guy today for our fourth date but I feel like and am a horrible person because I am leading them on as they are not who I want to be with and I don’t feel anything remotely close to what I felt before on my first few dates with my ex.
I have lost the person I thought was my forever and I don’t know why it’s still affecting me so much I know he is my ex and he can do whatever he wants it’s just hard to see him change from someone who I thought was caring and who I thought loved me for our entire duration of or relationship to someone who can repost TikTok’s about how he doesn’t miss me he just misses the money he spent on me aswell as ones about how I never cared enough to “change” and block me so easily I just need to move on and I don’t know how to as dating apps aren’t working and self improvement isn’t working either.
any advice is appreciated.
submitted by ThrowRalonelycat04 to Advice [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 14:50 Direct-Caterpillar77 My boyfriend [32M] of 8 months tried to surprise me [30F] with a pet octopus. I freaked out at him, now he's not speaking to me

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/NopetopusTA
My boyfriend [32M] of 8 months tried to surprise me [30F] with a pet octopus. I freaked out at him, now he's not speaking to me.
Originally posted to relationships
Original Post - rareddit Jan 10, 2018
I [30F] used to be a marine biologist who worked in an aquarium. But it's a very mentally, physically, and emotionally taxing job, and I burnt out after about five years. I work an office job now, which I like a lot better in about a million different ways. I sometimes miss taking care of the animals, but it was not worth all the other bullshit that came with it.
Cephalopods were my favorite animals to take care of, octopuses in particular.
My boyfriend [32F, dating for 8 months] was out of town visiting family for Christmas/New Years, but he came back on Thursday. We met that night at my apartment to exchange Christmas presents.
My present was big. When I unwrapped it, I was shocked. It was a fish tank. 50 gallons, apparently. Along with a couple hang-on-back filters, a heater, a light to go on top, two bags of sea salt, and some kitschy tank decorations. And that's it.
Then my boyfriend exclaimed, “Surprise! I got you an octopus!" I asked him what he meant, and he explained to me that he bought me an octopus as a Christmas present, and it was being express shipped overnight to my apartment!
As soon as he told me, I started to panic. I literally stood there going like, "I -- I -- I --" like I was a fucking cartoon character. My boyfriend then said something like, "We better hurry up and put this tank together!" like it's a TV stand from IKEA and he ordered me a new flatscreen or something.
I just started rambling. I don't have any RO water, there's no protein skimmer, these filters aren't big enough, I don't have space for a tank this big, where are we going to mix fifty gallons of saltwater, the tank isn't cycled!! The tank isn't cycled!! That octopus is going to die once we put it in this tank!
I told him that he needs to cancel the order. He needs to call whoever he bought that octopus from and cancel it. My boyfriend said that he can't, he got confirmation that they already shipped it out.
At this point, I was starting to get hysterical. Someone needs to be at my place to pick up the package, it'll freeze outside if the delivery guy just leaves it by my front door! I don't have any food to feed the octopus! THE TANK ISN'T CYCLED!
My boyfriend was trying to calm me down, and I kept yelling at him, "What are we going to do? What are we going to do when it gets here?" And he said something like, "I dunno, I thought you'd be able to figure it out?"
I had to really dig deep inside myself to find that part of me that would keep me level headed in similar scary, time-sensitive situations from back in my aquarium days. My boyfriend just stood there awkwardly while I wracked my brain.
I suddenly realized I could take it to our local aquarium where I used to volunteer, way back when I was first trying be an aquarist. Most everyone I volunteered for was gone, but I still knew two people who worked there.
Neither phone number I still had in my cellphone for those two people worked anymore, but I was still friends with them on Facebook, so I PM'd both of them and prayed. My boyfriend was still standing around awkwardly, and I told him that if he wanted to leave, he could. So he did.
Fortunately, one of the aquarists I used to volunteer for (he’s the curator now!) responded within about an hour, and I explained the whole situation to him and asked if they could take the octopus. He said he wasn't sure, but to bring the octopus to the aquarium tomorrow after it shows up anyway. Worst case scenario, we might be able to move it into a new bag with clean water, throw in some new hand warmers, and overnight it back to where it came from.
I called into work and explained the whole situation to my boss and why I needed to stay home the next day, and because I am so very lucky, she was understandable and let me take Friday off.
Anyway! Long story short, the octopus showed up in the afternoon. I raced to the aquarium, met up with the other aquarist I used to volunteer for (the curator was in a meeting) and thank God, he said they had some space in quarantine for an octopus. So we open up the shipping box and pull out a bag with this...this utterly fucking adorable little octopus. He was probably only a foot long arm tip to arm tip, he was all white with big eyes (probably because the poor thing was scared out of his mind). Not gonna lie, for a second there I was like, “...maybe I could get that tank up and running and then come back to get him” -- but that is not realistically feasible for me right now.
Then we passed him off to the quarantine team, and I apologized a bunch, and said thank you a bunch, and then went home and took a serious nap because I did not sleep well the night before.
So all this went down on Friday. It is now Tuesday. I have not heard from my boyfriend since Friday afternoon, when I texted him what I had done. He just texted back, “OK, that’s good to hear.” On Saturday, I tried calling him a couple times, but my phone calls just went straight to voicemail. I texted him again, this time apologizing for freaking out and yelling at him, but also adding that hey, you get why I was kinda justified in doing so, right? (Whiiiiich maybe wasn’t the best way to apologize :/) I don’t feel like I overreacted (or did I?) and I wasn’t necessarily mad about getting the octopus as a gift, just...scared? If we didn’t get it out of the water it was shipped in and into a cycled tank, it would die in a couple hours and that was a huge reason I left aquarium work. I couldn’t handle when animals would die. It would fuck me up for days...I guess in some ways, it’s still kind of fucking me up, a little bit.
So what do I do now?
tl;dr: Boyfriend tried to surprise me with a pet octopus! Which I immediately turned over to proper caretakers because I am in no position to take care of one! And now my boyfriend isn't talking to me. I don't know what to do here?
EDIT: OMG this exploded. I gotta go to bed, y'all, but thanks for all the great advice and the, uh, gold, apparently? I probably won't have much time to respond to comments tomorrow, but I'll definitely be back with an update!
RELEVANT COMMENTS
On being scared where the BF ordered a live octopus from
I see where you're coming from, but there are actually a lot of reputable online fish sellers that I wouldn't hesitate to buy animals from. Lots of different aquariums buy their fish online and get them shipped overnight. Honestly, that's the only way you're going to get an animal like a clownfish in your tank unless you live in Indonesia or something.
But yeah...boyfriend did not buy the octopus from a reputable online merchant. When I saw the shipping label and the name of the business he bought it from, I almost started panicking again. But they did an OK job with it -- he was in a big bag with lots of water, hand warmers, and the water was only a little murky, which is typical for an octopus (since he probably inked at one point during his travels).
When I got home, I literally typed in "buy an octopus online" and this business was one of the first results. So I'm definitely feeling you on the "half-assed" bit.
OOP on if the BF listens
I mean, I feel like he listens to me! I realize I didn't talk much about our relationship, but I don't feel like there are any red flags or things I'm being willfully ignorant about (because that is a pattern with me, a pattern that I spent a lot of time in therapy trying to break, so...I hope I broke it!)
The thing is, I really love surprises, and he has successfully surprised me a number of times in our relationship. But they were smaller, more manageable surprises! Like he's shown up at my job with a dozen roses, and one time, he said he was taking me to a burger joint and ended up taking me to a fancy restaurant -- surprises like that! Not a fucking octopus!
Did the boyfriend buy any equipment the octopus would need
He actually didn't buy anything the octopus would need. He bought zilch. Those hang-on-back were for like...ten gallon sized tanks, not a fifty gallon, and you can't stick two of those on one tank and say that's good enough filtration. Also, no protein skimmer which is a MUST for cephalopods, because that's what cleans up the water if they ink. Also octopuses need a place to hide, a kitschy Spongebob Squarepants pineapple tank decoration isn't going to cut it. EDIT: Also! I just noticed there's no lid for this tank, so it could have easily crawled out! Jesus Christ, this thing is a death trap for an octopus!
It's just...he's usually so thoughtful and smart and it's just -- I'm so baffled! He just randomly bought a bunch of fish tank related crap! Who does that?! (besides my boyfriend, apparently!)
ADDITIONAL COMMENT
I want to do this! I want to tell him all this! But he isn't answering any of my texts or phone calls. Do I just wait for him to respond or do I keep bugging him?
"you can buy 'instant ocean' premixed and cycled seawater and immediately put live animals into it ( after you match the temperature to prevent shock). This stuff is damn expensive IF you can find it and its what that TV show uses where they dump everything in on the same day. I really dislike that show for making it look so easy. People don't factor in the cashflow and experience those professional tank builders have."
OK, real quick, I gotta correct you on this. Instant Ocean gets you salt water that's about as close to the ocean as possible salinity wise, but it's just salt and calcium and important trace elements, it does nothing to cycle a tank. When a tank is cycled, that means there is a bunch of bacteria that lives in your tank that eats the waste the animals produce. If that bacteria isn't in your tank when you put your animals in, they'll die within a day (unless they're a super hearty fish, like a carp or something). I also know this from personal experience: Instant Ocean does not cycle a tank. Man I wish it did! That's all we used at ALL the aquariums I worked at, and we always had to cycle a tank properly before we could put animals in.
As near as I can tell, those shows like Tanked are NOT doing anything right, watching those shows gets me so mad, because I'm like 99% sure they're doing stuff like using tap water instead of RO/DI, and since they build that shit in a day, it's definitely NOT cycled and they say shit like, "Oh, that shark keeps swimming in circles because sharks love to swim in circles!" and it's like NO THEY DON'T THAT IS NOT HOW A HEALTHY SHARK BEHAVES and I'm gonna get off my soap box now, getting off my soap box...
"Maybe you can set up some time for him to volunteer at the aquarium?"
I'm pretty sure nobody at that aquarium is gonna let me boyfriend volunteer there, since they all probably have been told why there's a random octopus in quarantine now, haha
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST
submitted by Direct-Caterpillar77 to BestofNoUpdates [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 14:49 PlaneTemporary3796 Picking absurd fights.

Hello everyone, I was dumbed by an DA about 4 months ago and just now came across Attachment theories and I must say it’s helping giving me some closure and stopping the self blame that it was all my fault, which I was told. The way she would act was to pick fights over the most absurd things. Looking back it was usually after something happened that brought us very close. This could have been amazing sex, an intimate conversation, or moving in together. The conclusion of her argument was always “You do this cause you don’t care about me”. I’m honestly think that she may have miss communicated things so I would purposely not do what she wanted me to do. As an example, I picked her up from work and she had told me to “prepare the food”. I am a horrible cook and to me this just meant picking up ready to eat food, frozen meals etc. She threw a fit on how I took her for granted. I should add that i wasn’t working at the time and that she was supporting us. She would simply not except me saying that I did not understand what she meant. We went to couples therapy and the therapist assured her, that would have not known what she meant either. She voiced to him that she thought I was a narcissist, which I am so far the opposite of, it’s beyond absurd. He also told her that I am defiantly not that. When she got sick and needed brain surgery she kept accusing me out of absolute nowhere that “I was not concerned about the surgery”, when I went out of my way to littlery knock on doctors doors and begged them to see her, which I succeeded. (I am American but live in Germany and specialist sometimes have a 6months + wait) I once lost some cash and started crying cause I thought she would rip me to shreds, but the opposite happened. She was super kind and even the day after told about a story of having lost so much more due to not being carefull. We spent one year together, now broken up for 4 months. The argument that lead to us breaking up she now says she is glad I didn’t go along with. She basically overnight demanded to get her pregnant. I am now suspecting that this was also orchestrated because she was so obnoxious about it that she knew she would trigger me to leave. We recently had email contact where she said she was glad I didn go along with it so I asked her why are we broken up then.? No response. My question being is first of is this DA? I just recently came across Atachment theory and I think it’s explains everything but would still Like some reassurance. If yes, how can a person we has an IQ way above average, start such absurd fights and stick by that they were right ? And even when they admit they were wrong like I mentioned above which was an absolute rare, not see by admiting this very thing they don’t have a reason for breaking up with you. I feel like her actions were an extreme form of DA. Like she would must have felt we were getting too close and literly come up with the most absurd reasons to fight. How can one not be aware of what they are doing when it’s happening ? And how even in hindsight they don’t see their nonsense.? Will a DA usually be open to this “diagnosis “ of being a DA.? Or take offense to it it like a narcissist would if u called them out? She would be some emotionally distant also but the fights, which usually mir would leave to my mom for a few days was what really did it. The first 4 months were amazing and then hell started the night we moved into our place together. Will she likely take the suggestion that she is a DA to heart. Her childhood trauma was also exactly what would lead to becoming a DA.
submitted by PlaneTemporary3796 to Disorganized_Attach [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 14:46 OilPsychological1080 What to do about my wife '43F' of 7 years who has changed so much im a '32M'?

I have been with my wife for 8 years now we recently had our 7 year wedding anniversary. In the beginning of our marriage and relationship things were amazing. My wife has been married twice before me and has kids with both previous husbands. I have also been married twice before her me mostly being young and dumb and trying to rush life, I have never had children with either of my previous wives. After we were married we decided to have children which I expressed to her I never intended on having children with someone I didn't plan to be with forever. I did not want my children apart of a broken home. Fast forward 6 years, I confronted my wife on the suspicion that she had possibly slept with one of my best friends before her and I ever knew each other this was a friend that we regularly were around and hung with. She assured me several times that she had never slept with him or done anything to him. Well not long after that I over hear my wife drunkingly talking to one of her friends telling her friend that she did sleep with him but didn't want me to find out. I know no one here knows me so I'll start off by saying we all have a past and that's fine I just ask not to be lied to and give and recieve complete honesty. I don't think anyone wants to be hanging out on a regular basis with there spouse hanging around someone they have slept with . I didn't call her out in it immediately but it ate away at me for weeks why would you lie about that I asked myself? Looking me straight in my eyes and lied over and over. A month or so goes by and my wife is drunk and I bring it up to her, once again she denies it but I told her i overheard her telling her friend so I know she's lying. Now I'm not the type of male who is very jealous and I definitely don't play the going through your phone game because I'm committed and I give my wife my trust. Well I when I confronted her on this issue I called her out on some other shady behavior, she was going through one of her photo apps and there was a video of her ex boyfriend masturbating. Clearly by this point I am infuriated. She swears she didn't know it was on there and she thought it was deleted. We are in a public parking lot inside the car when all this goes down she freaks out and jumps out of the car, I beg and plead for her to get back in the car as this is my children's mother and I would never do anything to publicly embarrass her. Well she ends up drawing a lot of attention to herself and gets arrested since she is drunk and not calming down and refuses to get back in the car with me so I can take her home. Fast forward about 3 months. My wife and I had been out to eat and on our way home got into a arguement. Once we arrived home she asked me "doing you like living here"? Which I thought was odd but I replied yes why wouldn't I? We finally have a nice house sitting on a farm with beautiful views it's everything Iv always wanted, she replied with "ok". She said she was going to go for a walk to clear her head and I said ok I was going to use the bathroom. I got out of the bathroom and I couldn't quit thinking why would she ask such a question she knows I love living here. I went to her car because there's a pistol in to glove box and I'm trying to cross the worst scenarios out of my head. The glove box was locked as it usually is and she took her car key with her. I ran inside and got the spare and went back to the car and unlocked the glove box and the pistol is missing. I immediately track her location and see she is in a near field. I jump in my truck and go to where she is at I find her sitting by A brush pile listening sad music with the gun in her lap. I am able to get the gun from her then she takes off running through the field towards our house. At this point it is like my wife has had a complete mental break down and idk what to do I start calling her mom and dad they don't answer I call her daughter who is in the military and In a different state freaking out telling her everything that's happening. My wife makes it home gets in her car and leaves and doesn't come back for hours I can't track her because she left her phone in the field where I found her. By this point I have gotten ahold of her mom and dad no one knows what to do. So we all come together once my wife arrives back home and tell her what ever is going on we want her to get help with it's therapy or medicine we don't care we are here for here and support whatever we have to do. Time goes by and things are starting to get normal again after my wife refuses to take medicine or do anything for help. We did start marriage counseling we had scheduled 4 meetings to start with the first meeting we did as a couple the second meeting I did by myself and the third meeting was supposed to be my wife alone and on the 4th meeting it would be us as a couple again. Well when it came time for my wife to do her meeting she kept rescheduling over and over and I finally called her out on why she wasn't taking this serious. She said she was but she just had this or that going on etc all I heard was excuses. Now since you don't know my wife she is a very successful female that makes great money and is in amazing shape and literally had the perfect body even after kids, you would never even known she's had a kid and built very desirable. I am 6' 2" and I go to the gym 5-6 times a week I have never cheated in any way form or fashion on my wife or done anything morally or ethically wrong towards our marriage I have always loved my wife and thought she was perfect. After these events started happening I started to question a lot of things and I found out my wife is as truthful as I thought she was. I don't believe my wife has ever cheated on me but she does seem to tell a lot of small lies or just flat out lies in general. My wife has in the last few years became psychotically jealous I'm not even allowed to eat with female coworkers and if I do I have to notify her and tell her where they are sitting in relation to where I'm sitting and what if anything they say to me. I have to tell her every time a female calls or text me etc. I do not have any social media but my wife has almost all of them and I don't care but I would like to point out she has male friends on her social media both married and single but I'm not allowed to be friendly or joke or anything even with the people I work with and my wife knows all of them but at the same time my wife also works in a coed environment and I don't limit her on anything she does nor do I ask or care because I love her and trust her. She has recently gotten mad that she shares her location with me but I don't share mine with her, I never asked her to share hers with me she just randomly did one day but since I don't do anything wrong and have nothing to hide I started sharing mine as well. Well that became a problem while we're both at work I would be question about why have I been at a particular location for 10 min or why have I been here or there etc and that got really old really quick. A few months go by and my wife starts a physical altercation with me I have never in my life hit a woman nor did I that night but I did keep pushing her off of me as I tried gathering my stuff for work so I could leave and go somewhere else. Long story short the police showed up I didn't have a shirt on and was covered in scratch and bite marks. Luckily I was able to leave and no one would go to jail, both our careers would've been ruined if either of us would've went to jail. After leaving that night I go to a hotel from that night forward I don't come home for 2 weeks I stay at hotels or family's house still in shock of how all this has came about. How close we were to losing everything we have including our careers over her behavior. I tell my wife I want time away from her to think things through. She tells me after two weeks of not sleeping under the same roof as her I need to come home because our children are asking a lot of questions I was skeptical but I returned and only for my kids I love my kids more than anything and during this 2 week period of being gone from them I would show up as my wife left for work and take them to school and pick them up and still see them and do stuff with them. I started staying back at home for my kids my wife and I still haven't slept in the same bed I am devistated on what to do about my marriage I can't handle a controlling and psychotically jealous wife anymore. This is not all that's going on in my marriage just some of the big things. I feel like I do most of the house work and I do all of the outside work. I clean, do dishes, do laundry etc I hate not having a clean and organized house. Lately things have been getting out of control with spending financially. All of this combined is driving me crazy. I told my wife 3 times I wanted a divorce but she begs me and tells me how everything can and will be better. She did start medicine for whatever is going on with her mentally but honestly not much has changed not like she promised. She still leaves the house and goes drinking with her friends and doesn't come home until late into the night etc. I don't know what to do I am beyond devastated to think about what a divorce would do to my kids 5 & 6. I can't stand the thought of them possibly having another father figure in their future. I have days where I feel strong enough to divorce and I know everything will be ok and be fine and then I have days where I question if I would be able to make it through something like that or not. I feel really confused on what to do my wife's behavior hasn't changed much and the only reason there's been any change at all is because I told her I wanted a divorce and I feel like she's trying to look really good right now and show me this "change". I worry what if I'm never happy again what if I never have this life of fun and happiness like I had before all these issues started happen for the last year and a half. I'm really stuck on what to do
submitted by OilPsychological1080 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 14:44 CuppaJoeVaccy [real] (06/09/2024) revision of my thoughts when I was half asleep

9 June (third journal)
I understand people dislike my cold distant and selfish personality. I avoid reality and ignore stressful situations. Things happen in my head differently from reality and there’s so much comfort being in my head. Much like my online and real life feels like 2 different realities.
Maybe others sold an idealized picture of me, I’m boringly normal is most ways, weirdly abnormal in others. I don’t see benefits in getting to know me, other than being able to get little things done, I’m astonishingly boring. I dream too much.
I know things I shouldn’t or should know, sometimes they seem so private, sometimes involving me. I pretend not to know. Yes, I do like them, I admire how they think differently, ability to get initiate movements, how lovely and unbelievably cool they are in front of a crowd, know their stuff.
I have this inhibition in expressing and this dread of being discovered a fraud afterwards, or being subjected to expectations and not being able to live up to.
I fluctuate between anxiety and confidence, and a variety of other annoying emotions. There’s no basis for this confidence, either I’m faking it or just don’t care while sprouting shit .
I have thin skin, which I hate. Where others have ultimate master plans, I think about ultimate escape plans whenever I fuck things up, like running away irresponsibly. What does this say about me. I went ghost on a couple jobs in my early life, I ultimately learned to just speak up.
I feel like I’m not even a real person, like I’m writing about fictional stories about characters that don’t actually exist. This is my third Reddit journal. ✌️
submitted by CuppaJoeVaccy to DiaryOfARedditor [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 14:43 BiasMushroom Destination; Wriss (A NoP Fic Ch 70) Part 19

Nature of Humanity Ch 70
Destination; Wriss Part 19
A Fanfic of u/SpacePaladin15’s work “The Nature of Predators.” Thank you for the story!
___
Excerpt from Morvim Charter Spy Crevan’s log, recovered from a Betterment facility on Wriss,
Journal Date: T.S.T. November 5th, 2136
Father believes that turning my notes into something more of a confessional might help deal with my night terrors without appearing weak in front of the crew. Last night’s were some of the worst I have ever had. It started out with how they all do. I wear the guise of a true red-blooded Auditor, and find some unwitting sap to feed to the Dominion’s growing paranoia and execute them. Their brains pour out of their head like water. Then the call comes in. A suspected defect harboring malformed Arxur and prey.
The home looks like every single one approved of by the Dominion. The muffled screams coming from the gagged and bagged barely even register. It takes me no time to find the trap door. Even less to pry it open and rip my own son out of his only shelter. Wriss damn me, I feel nothing, breaking his neck just like every other malformed I’ve found.
I hear scampering in the hole. I pull out Elva, Wiesera and don’t even blink as I throw them to the Dominion raiders accompanying me. The sounds of their screams mean nothing as I continue my search. Rivera, Caulnek, and Barmlin are hiding in a closet. I don’t even bother opening the door. Just fire my sidearm through it.
When I exit the house I pull the bags off and execute my father. Then the two I just roped into this. Followed shortly thereafter by Lesh and Mico. I save my wife for last. The Wriss-damned Prophet descendant himself praises me and tells me to kill the final traitor. I put the gun to my own temple and pull the trigger. I never have enough rounds for myself too.
I don’t feel better writing this down.
We have had a full shift rotation without any serious problems. Most likely the Venlil’s natural desire to be friendly with everyone in their herd is going to cause an issue with Lesh most likely and Mico and Ishviel as close seconds. I am hesitant to try and keep those two away as they at least try to be social, but Lesh is actively lashing out.
It started with the ‘movie’ night Caulnek had. Father and Hrallak happily watched the ‘for fun media’ and Ishviel tried his best, but human entertainment was lost on him. Lesh found the entire idea to be a waste of time and chose to remain alone until his bridge shift arose.
From there, Lesh refused to communicate with anything more complex than a grunt to his shift partner Hrallak. The girl has enough problems as is. We don’t need Lesh causing more stress for her. We may also have a problem with Rivera who is either pushing Lesh into having a meltdown or accept that the changes we are experiencing are, in fact, good. Whenever Lesh goes to have a meal the eccentric Venlil isn’t that far behind him.
Turns out those broad flat teeth actually do a good job of breaking bones to get to the marrow, which he isn’t interested in. So they have a sort of standoff mutual existence going on where Rivera gets Lesh’s bones and Lesh takes advantage of Rivera’s teeth in place of putting the effort in himself. I can’t tell if the stillness that comes over him is from holding back the rage of listening to that Venlil yap or if he actually enjoys the noise.
Hrallak has been getting trained by Dr. Wiesera, who has high hopes for her. I’ve not had a chance to speak to her about training more Doctors for the colony of runaways we are trying to make, but I should make that a priority. Better to plan for a future we don’t have than to outlive your plans.
Approximately [twelve days] to Wriss. No other events of note to add.
~~~
Memory transcription subject: Crevan, Morvim Charter Soldier
Date [standardized human time]: November 5th, 2136
Ugh. Today’s the day. No time to walk or even have something to eat. Lesh should be ending his shift and hopefully that will leave him tired enough to be reasonable. What a great way to start the day. Going into a disciplinary meeting with probably the strongest Arxur on the ship first thing after waking up. One that doesn’t have to fear what the dominion would do to him if he killed me.
He wasn’t difficult to find. He, of course, beelined straight for his room, “It’s a nice luxury, isn’t it? Not being packed into this glorified meat carrier with a hundred irritable Arxur. Walk with me.”
He hissed in frustration but turned as ordered. I wasn’t expecting a miracle. Just to get him to at least try and loosen up a bit, “You are in this for revenge. As far as I can tell, you are the only one of us in this for revenge. I have a proposition for you.”
His reply came forth like a saw trying to cut through metal, but the blade was on backwards, “Yes sir?”
I led him into the cattle pen that was turned into a makeshift freezer. The cold air seemed to affect us both equally, as we shivered a bit, “I’ve been thinking about the Dominion… the Federation… and whatever stupid alliance Humanity has managed to pull out of its ass…”
The pause I inserted into my preplanned speech allowed me enough time to judge his reaction on each of our enemies as well as to ponder on Humanity and where I was going with this. He hesitantly took the bait, “And what have you concluded.”
“The Federation can’t destroy the Dominion and the Dominion won’t be able to fight on two fronts. Humanity knows war. They’ve lived and breathed it for centuries, we’ve only fought a one-sided genocide. The Dominion and the Federation won’t be able to compete with humanity the second they get their feet under them. The bombing of Earth hasn’t slowed them. It’s lit a fire under their ass.”
I had a hunch that Lesh wasn’t some roided up raider. I could see the gears turning in his head, “With Isif protecting Earth… The Federation can’t finish the job and the Dominion won’t attack them to bring them in line… Humanity has already started producing Prey- Alien? FUCK it. Prey fighters that can actually fight and sit in the same room as us without shitting themselves to death…”
“They have to take out the Federation first. No doubts about it. But they aren’t going to let the Dominion just continue to eat Sapients. That is going to result in the Dominion doing the stupidest thing possible and attacking an Earth and its allies that have been gearing up for real war since the second the bombs started falling. Remember. The ONLY reason we took the cradle is because Isif sacrificed hundreds of ships in orbit. We didn’t take the ground. We only took space which they came back and took. Every engagement on the ground resulted in fifteen and a half dead raiders to every human.”
The carnage of that debacle brought a happy jilt to his body language, “So, the only way this will ever really end is with both the Federation and Dominion falling.”
“And with what I know of the humans, neither side will be allowed to go without punishment. That is assuming there's enough of them left over to be tried for their crimes.”
“I like that thought but why bring this up to me.”
“Because all that will be left of us will be this tiny colony when this is over. It will be the only thing Humanity can say is untainted enough to be worthy of not being baptized in holy antimatter. I need- No. We need people that can help lead us. The remnants of the Morvim Charter NEED you. Need your strength, your guile, your… sociableness and sense of justice. I am asking you to join us proper. To help us forge a path into the future. Fight not just for your justice but live to build a better world.”
I felt fear as rage rushed across his face, and hope as it softened. He huffed and spat and paced around the room. It felt like the punch he launched into the steel wall reverberated through the whole ship. The panel fell off as he pulled his fist from the dent he made. He didn’t ask for permission to leave as he stormed away. At least I’m alive… Going to put him down as a maybe.
Unfortunately, it would seem Caulnek and Rivera picked now as the perfect time to also talk to Lesh. Rivera was sort of bouncing on the spot as Lesh growled and thumped his tail angrily, “Lesh! Guess what I remembered I found back on earth!”
The well-built Venlil rolled his eyes and smacked Rivera on the back of the head, “Rivera stole a copy of a Human military strategy game. One famed for simulating actual human battles. It’s set from military conflicts from their first World War to the last war before their first contact. Ishviel was hoping for more insights on Human strategies, and we thought it would be something that would pique your interest. You are welcome to come or not. Just don’t bring that shitty attitude you’ve been carrying around. We are trying to enjoy these few days before landing in paradise.”
My jaw nearly hit the floor as what I could only describe as a Lesh gently lifted his tail in intrigue, “What is this… game?”
Caulnek scratched his chin for a moment before snapping, “It’s a squad-based attack vs defense game with one or two players. One person sets up their defense and the attacker has to go in blind and deal with it. It’s actually a pretty clever system and I have no doubt the owner is going to peel Rivera’s hide off when we get back to Earth.”
The kleptomaniac slowly realized what Caulnek said, “Yeah it’s pretty fuuuuuu- huh?! Wait! Do you really think Andrew would do that?!”
Caulnek turned and walked off as Lesh followed, “Hrm… It sounds like it might be an effective way to mentally prepare for our own assault.”
Rivera tucked his tail and practically begged for an answer, “Guys… seriously! Am I going to be in danger?! Guys!”
Caulnek whipped his tail excitedly, “At the worst it will be a nice distraction. The game only has Human units in it, but it actually has a stat editor. I think I can bypass its normal restrictions and program in stats similar to what we can expect our enemy to have, but let’s play the game first. Get a feel for the rules and see if it's even worth the effort.”
With Lesh calmed down I made the choice to give him a little more time before I decided to see what this game was. I made my way to the bridge. Oddly enough I walked past Mico sitting in an open closet on my way there, “Mico? What are you doing? Shouldn’t you be resting?”
The sleek Arxur didn’t turn to face me, “I am in a sense resting right now. The Humans call it meditation. I received a book on it. So far… I think it's forcing me to come to terms with some stuff.”
I leaned against the door frame, “Is it better than sleeping?”
There was a long bit of silence before Mico brought his paws to his face and messaged his eyes, “No. But… it’s not really a replacement for sleeping.” He picked up a nearby book and opened it, “Meditation can give you a sense of calm, peace and balance that can benefit your emotional well-being and your overall health. You also can use it to relax and cope with stress by focusing on something that calms you. Meditation can help you learn to stay centered and keep inner peace.” He set the book back down, “Basically, I think it will help me remain calm. Despite being in the least crowded ship I have ever been on… It feels more claustrophobic than ever. The Prey- our companions are… I have no other word to describe it but intense. It feels like my head is going to pop when I am in a room with them. This meditation is helping me I think. Since I started this before we left… It’s been easier.”
I rapped my knuckles on the door frame, “If it works get Lesh to do it too. The thug is going to blow a gasket if he can’t calm down soon.”
Mico let out a slight chuckle, “You don’t have to tell me that. I just got off a shift with him, and he wouldn’t shut up about bringing the prey and defectives along. I think he’s actually scared they are going to get hurt.”
I plodded off to let Mico resume his meditation. His words about Lesh weren’t exactly anything I didn’t know. That Arxur cares more than any other I’ve met. He’s been hurt before by that care.
The bridge door opened to reveal my father in his command chair with Elva lounging at the pilot’s seat. The latter of which tried and failed to perk her floppy ears up with concern, “Did something happen? Shouldn’t you be watching over the rest of them? Make sure no one… flips their shit?”
I scoffed, “Yeah… I don’t think those paranoia plans will be necessary. Lesh is acting out because he has grown attached to all of you. Us too. Mico is taking up ‘meditation’ to calm himself and better deal with everything. Hrallak is just happy to be free even if she ends up dead, and Ishviel… well, he’s already a runt. Caulnek and Rivera could easily take him, let alone together and even then, he seems to be happy that he doesn’t have to prove his strength to them to get respect. The lot of them can go unsupervised… for a bit.”
Elva leaned back in her chair and relaxed, “Good. Hopefully, this is a sign of things going smoothly. My guts have been in a knot since we left.”
Ivan barked out a laugh, “I think that's been the case for all of us. I’ve never liked returning to Wriss to begin with, but before I never had to worry about fighting the entire damned planet. This is… Terrifying.”
I nodded my head in understanding, “We are about to either do the dumbest thing ever or kickstart the end of the Dominion.”
Elva asked, “Is it true we aren’t saving the entirety of the Morvim Charter Remnants?”
My father sighed, “Yes. A lot of them have to remain behind to cover our escape. They also need to stay behind to fan the fires we leave. The Dominion is going to appear weak so it's the best recruiting drive they will ever have.”
Elva closed her eyes and leaned back, “Alright then. We get there. Secure a port. Plan our attack, take the ship and get the hell out of there… Far too much can go wrong with this.”
I couldn’t help but nod my head, “On the bright side at least you guys have a get out of jail free card. If we get caught… well, it’s not going to be but a few moments of extreme heat for us.”
My second in command let out a long exasperated sound, “Uuuwweeeeeegh… Can you leave now? I was having such a nice time sitting here bored out of my mind before you showed up. Go check up on the guys. See how Hrallak’s medical lessons are going or something.”
I bowed and left the bridge. The infirmary our ship had wasn’t quite suited to actually saving lives. At least that was the case before Humanity got their hands on it. Wiesera and Elva had been delighted to go through all the gadgets and gizmos the ‘Doctors Without Borders’ had given them. Apparently, mobile medical hospitals specialized for ease of movement and treatment in war torn areas is something of a specialty of theirs.
Sadly, as I entered the actual infirmary only a small fraction of the medical devices were even set up. Wiesera and Hrallak were standing over a table with a startling realistic headless torso of an Arxur laying on it with its chest pried open.
The Zurulian picked up a latex heart, “As you can see here, the Arxur heart is a three-chamber heart. This implies that the Arxur were at one point coldblooded, like other reptiles. I imagine given another few hundred generations we might see Arxur with four-chambered hearts.”
Hrallak twisted her head to the side confused, “Why would we get four-chambered hearts?”
“Efficiency. Four chambered hearts can keep deoxygenated blood from mixing with oxygenated blood. This way the only blood entering the lungs is completely ready to pick up Oxygen and all the blood going to muscles is carrying its maximum capacity for oxygen. As short sprint, ambush predators you don’t need a strong supply of oxygen to hit your target, but if the chase were to carry on, animals with four chambers can better supply oxygen to their muscles…”
Hrallak bobbed her head in understanding, “And maintain power for longer…”
“Actually, we are already seeing medical reports of Arxur with a harmless heart defect giving them four chambers.” To my surprise, both ladies didn’t jump at my sudden interjection. It seemed they noticed my arrival, “The Prophet-descendants were debating on scanning people’s hearts and purging those with the defects… until one of the descendants was found to have the defect too and now its ‘proof of superior genetics’ or some bullshit.”
The medic in training set a paw on her chest, “Makes sense. I wonder if I have it too.”
Wiesera looked at the latex heart in her hands, “It wouldn’t hurt to set up the portable echocardiogram. It wouldn’t hurt to make sure we know what biology everyone has… actually, Crevan. Let the Arxur crew know we are about to do some health check-ups on everyone. I want to know what everyone’s hearts look like in the event I have to fix them. Now Hrallak see here- Crevan! What are you waiting for! We do not have forever here! Move it!”
I bowed and headed for the Cafeteria. It would seem Wiesera is warming up to her role as lead medic.
___/\___
Crevan seems to not being doing too hot… actually most of the crew is on edge. Lizard boi does his rounds and checks on the crew. It seems like everyone is settling in for the long ride to Wriss. Hopefully things go smoothly when they get there.
Welp! I got laid off! So I’m waiting a month to see if my job opens back up or if I am going to be working somewhere else. Now that sounds like I have time to write but my job actually kept my Autism/ADHD in check as the only thing I could do on break was write so hopefully I can keep up with my chapters and get Part 2 of the devil you know done. I almost had it done but I hated the whole chapter and have to rewrite it.
Special thanks to u/JulianSkies and u/callmefishy11 for proofreading! Seriously it felt like my eyes were melting out of my skull and your feedback was everything I needed!
___/\___
Directory
Library of BiasMushroom contains every link for everything I have written! Check it out as some stuff related to Nature of Humanity may not appear on HFY! As well as my little side stories and Fanfics of other NoP fanfics!
The Nature of Humanity
First / Previous / Next
Destination; Wriss
First / Previous / Next
submitted by BiasMushroom to HFY [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 14:42 Garbashi Anxiety caused our breakup, considering contacting her again

We got together last summer. My first relationship, I was 26 now 27.
First months were great. I've always been anxious in the face of a relationship, so I was in the beginning of this one too. But differently to how it transpired later on. In the beginning I was very anxious about whether she truly liked me. I was jealous almost, afraid that if she went out and I wasnt there she might be hit on and like it. That faded after some time though. But towards October I started getting anxiety from the relationship. I'm working through it in therapy right now, it's hard to place the exact reason. I think it was a combination of not recognizing my boundaries and thus not being able to communicate them. I'm quite introverted and I think I needed more alone time, but I didn't understand that for myself because why would I want to be alone away from my girlfriend? Also the fact that I don't like my job but didn't know what new career I wanted to pursue. And also my seasonal depression starting. The anxiety expressed itself in doubt, whether we were right for each other or if we were even compatible. But I couldn't understand why I was having those thoughts.
I'm an overthinker and when a thought like that starts it doesn't go away. Month by month the anxiety got worse and worse. I got so sensitive. She wanted to plan the future and my gut was anxiety ridden at the thought of it. We had these longs discussions and I was paralyzed. I cried and was almost mute. My whole body was under the spell of anxiety. She got anxiety over not being able to plan or talk about moving in together and I was a mess. I've never experienced such an intense anxiety before and I wasn't there for her at all. I could barely take care of myself. I was crying over little thing and a small disagreement made me completely broken.
We broke up in March. She told me that if I feel ready to love her as she loves me, I should contact her. But I told her that I think she should forget about me. I'm not quite sure she feels like she wants me to contact her anymore after I said that, and I don't think I'll ever be sure that I've gotten to the root of the anxiety I had. As my therapist has told me, we can't work with a relationship you're not in anymore. I still think about her every day. Some days I'm glad it's over because I don't have to experience that anxiety again. But some days I miss her so much. And I can't seem to let go, because for me it feels like the feelings for one another is still there. But the anxiety, which I still don't quite understand, will come back if we were to try again. We have been no contact since the breakup.
I get these urges to contact her, but I can't bring myself to do it. It feels selfish.
I've been talking with my therapist about going abroad next winter to escape my seasonal depression and experience something new. I think I'm having a hard time committing to it because I haven't really let go of my relationship. I've felt so lonely, as such I've been on dating apps explicitly looking for short-term relationships in my profile. Just companionship or whatever. It probably isn't good for me. It doesn't look good either, I understand that. But I've just been feeling so lost. It didn't make sense to myself that I broke up emotionally, other than that the anxiety must have been a sign that something was wrong.
I've also thought about the fact that if I ever were to contact her again, she most likely wouldn't be sympathetic to my going on the apps. Which is fair.
I don't know how to come to terms with this. I've tried to be honest and followed my heart throughout but it feels like I'm emotionally doomed. If I can't understand the root of my anxiety, how will I ever be able to pursue a relationship again? With her, or with someone else?
submitted by Garbashi to relationshipanxiety [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 14:41 No_Marzipan_1230 Industrial Mage: Modernizing a Magical World Chapter 10 – Holden Affairs & Numbers Going Up!

Synopsis:
An engineer from earth blends science and magic to achieve greatness in another world where skills and levels reign supreme.

Ethan was just a plain old engineer, but everything changed when he was reborn into a world of skills, levels, and magic. With his advanced knowledge far ahead of the time period he finds himself in, this new reincarnated life will be much different than his last, especially because he can construct, deconstruct, and reconstruct runes—something no one else can do.
But with royal politics, looming tax collectors, a mountain of debt, dungeon incursions, cults, and hostile fantasy races mixing together into a cocktail of bullshit that threatens to bury his dreams; Ethan must bridge the gap between steel and sorcery to grow stronger. — What to Expect:
- Weak to very strong progression with a Sword & Magic MC that kicks a whole lotta ass. - Fast pacing. A balance of action galore, politics, kingdom building, and slow-burn runecrafting. - Fun, satisfying moments. An extra shot of happiness when reading. Hardcore wish fulfillment. Hyper competent MC. - MC will trigger an industrial revolution, abolish slavery, revolutionize magic, modernize agriculture, communication, commerce, textile production, education, transportation, sanitation, weapons manufacturing, leisure & entertainment, and medicine. - Dark truths of a medieval-esque society going under change.
Join my Discord Server to have chat, bother me, ask me questions, or just genuine fun really - https://discord.gg/d57v5upvcx
First < Previous Next >

Chapter 10

Ethan surveyed the men before him, schooling his expression. Cedric was one of his advisors, a lean man, taller than the average in Holden, and wiry, but with the unmistakable long and callused fingers of someone well skilled with a bow. It was odd to see such features, but Ethan wasn’t one to point it out or talk about it. A perpetual worried crease etched between his brows; he shuffled a stack of parchments.
Beside him, Roland stood with a hand on the pommel of his sword—a habit Ethan had grown accustomed to. Leaning back, Ethan opened his mouth.
“Alright, gentlemen. Let’s get through this.”
Cedric cleared his throat. “First, my lord, the harvest report.” He unfolded the top parchment. “The rains were late this year, my lord. We’re looking at a significant shortfall in barley and oats.”
Ethan frowned. “Roland,” he switched focus. “The scouting report on the bandits? Has Sir Thomas revealed something? What about the brigands?”
“Sir Thomas has been tight-lipped. The brigands have been bolder, my lord. Spotted them harassing farmsteads near Holden’s western border.
“Have we identified the culprits?”
“No, my Lord. But they seem organized, well-equipped. Too well-equipped, I might say.”
Ethan drummed his fingers on the desk. This wasn’t your typical ragtag group of cutthroats, that much was clear. “Some sort of a group, then.”
“Yes.”
“Mobilize a patrol. Set a few archers down range. Kill the bandits on sight, we can’t have them acting bolder.”
Roland nodded, his chin bobbing, face emotionless.
“Any other news? Have we received word from the neighboring barons regarding the proposed trade agreement?” Ethan asked.
“Yes, my lord. Sir Jack informed me that one of his ravens returned this morning; he says they spotted two men bearing the crest of the crown—”
“Tax collectors,” Ethan interrupted. “They should already be in Siez by now, then.”
Siez was a city two weeks’ ride from Holden.
“Well then, we must do something about the harvest,” Ethan murmured. He had some ideas, but all of them would require money.
“As for trade... Everyone has denied, like usual. Lord Ashton has been with Holden since Lord Baelgard’s death, but even he appears hesitant now. Cites concerns about the quality of our goods.”
“Hmm. Excuses.” Ethan sighed. “He doesn’t want to work with us anymore. He’s likely receiving pressure; I don’t blame him. I’ve offended quite a lot of nobles in my... teen years.”
Ethan cleared his throat. “We’ll send another sample,” Ethan decided, his voice firm. “Along with a personal letter outlining the benefits of trade with Holden, only this time, including soap; I’m sure he’ll latch onto the opportunity if he has some foresight.”
Ashton was playing politics, but they couldn’t afford to alienate their only potential trading partner.
The rest of the morning was spent in a similar vein—discussing minor squabbles amongst the populace, a few dead bodies that were reported, potential repairs needed on the crumbling town walls, and other matters regarding Holden.
***
Ethan entered the space sectioned off by iron grills inside the quarantined house in the outskirts of Holden. Covering his in a mask, he stepped over the grills, into the open hall with rows of beds lining both sides. He was here to take a look at the patients and if they were getting treated. They were. Undoubtedly. Some even showed signs of recovery. They stood up spotting him, then bowed.
“Lord Theodore! What an honor!” A woman said, then burst into tears holding onto her daughter’s hand. “Thank you for letting me live, Lord.” She sobbed as she buried her face on the sleeping child.
Ethan frowned, feeling uncomfortable. They hadn’t gone past their third stages of the disease. They weren’t even on their second one. That was why it’d been easier to treat them.
“Yes, my lord,” a man joined them, speaking. “You’re the only noble that’s spared us peasants a glance. Truly, thank you.”
Feeling even more uncomfortable, Ethan gently placed a hand on his shoulder. “I only hope you all get better.”
They smiled as he smiled back through the mask. Ethan quickly made his way out, then furrowed his brows as he met Miller outside. “Miller, why have you not pulled out those that have recovered? Letting them stay inside would only get them infected again or cause their condition to worsen.”
Miller’s face turned white. “My—my lord, but—but we cannot just remove them!” He took a deep breath. “If we let them go, they could infect others in Holden. If those infected catch wind of their neighbors recovering, wouldn’t they try to force their way into quarantine just to get healed and recover?” His eyes turned shifty, showing some sort of apprehension and panic.
Ethan glared. “Miller, you’re smart, are you not?” He narrowed his eyes. “Get them out of here, as soon as possible. I ordered everyone infected be brought in, logistics be damned! I’m paying it out of my pockets! You need not worry about those that might be infected. What do you even mean? We’re constantly on the lookout, if we found someone, they’d be here already.”
“Yes, about that, my lord,” Miller said nervously, looking away. “People fear. Many would rather stay quiet than let others know if they’re infected. Plus, it’s easier said than done. My men would get attacked. Anyone can get killed easily, they’re not Classed. or a large horde of desperate people might push forward in an instant.”
Ethan didn’t say anything. Gulping, Miller continued.
“And, my men are too few. There are not enough men to patrol and get the affected. Not to mention people would riot against it, fearing their loved ones are getting slaughtered for some ritual and that there’s no salvation. Especially given that a few dead bodies have been found recently,” Miller bowed, swallowed. “Forgive me for saying this, my lord, but people do not trust you.”
Miller slumped against his chair, staring at the ceiling. Ethan silently took his seat, thinking over what Miller had said. In the end, he could only sigh. “Get every infected here, do not worry about aurums.” It costed a lot of money—aurums—to get people treated. However, it wasn’t that much. Taking a moment to gather his thoughts, Ethan changed the subject. “Miller,” Ethan said. “How’re tests going?”
Miller frowned, a finger on his chin as he hummed thoughtfully. “We’ve encountered an issue; mostly with the later stage tainted. We’d expected it, too, however, we need some kind of a solution.”
“What issue?”
“Their skin is rotting; we cannot just have them use soap and hot water to keep clean. There needs to be something to address their wounds directly, first.” Miller sighed. “A [Healer], perhaps. But they’re expensive, my Lord. I am not sure if that is what you would want. Not to mention, another issue is that Sir Jack has yet to build something he calls nexus—he says you would know what that is. He’s currently using himself as said nexus, but says he would need to talk to you on that matter later to figure out some solution.”
“Is that so?” Ethan hummed, reclining back into his chair. Hiring a [Healer] would indeed be a pain. He was already paying Jack quite the sum each day, not to mention the [Beast Tamer] he’d had to hire to take care of Wynd. If he were to hire a [Healer] now, it would make a dent on his pockets that he wouldn’t be able to recover from. Not to mention, he needed to worry more about the financial situation now—the tax collectors would be arriving sooner or later, and the Merchants Guild would want their debt paid with interest. He couldn’t be stuck in a rut of indebtedness forever.
That said, soap would be excellent for the majority of the populace, the only time there would be an issue would be when someone’s already at the stage where their flesh starts to rot. If there were something, he had to consider it*... Are there alternatives?*
Unlikely.
Ethan took a breath, then leaned back into his chair, steepling his hands. What do I currently need?
Money. Money would solve a lot of his issues. Ethan hummed, stood up, then turned on his heel and walked out. Before getting out, however, he looked over his shoulder. “Tell Jack to keep working on updating the base spell. Make it more efficient, if possible. Leave the rest to me.”
I’ll figure something out...
He needed to—he wanted to.
Roland stood outside the carriage, and as he saw Ethan approaching, he turned to him. “My Lord.”
“Roland, let’s go,” Ethan said, grabbing the carriage’s handle, pulling the door open, and climbing inside. “We have work to do.”
“As you wish, my Lord.”
Reclined against the cushioned seat of the carriage, Ethan hummed. The solution to getting more money was rather simple.
My masterpiece needs to hit the market. Ethan smiled.
***
Ethan settled into a routine; he’d wake up with the first rays of sunlight filtering through his window. He’d stretch, and feel the satisfying pops in his back before heading outside to find Wynd already waiting for him, tail wagging excitedly. They’d take a brisk run through the dewy field. Ethan would spend a good hour playing with Wynd. The [Beast Tamer] Grandma Millie had a natural connection with Wynd, and Ethan was learning to understand how to handle a wolf under her guidance. Ethan knew that Wynd wasn’t quite a normal magical beast, heck, he was sure that Wynd would sooner or later hit some kind of magical puberty that’ll sky rocket his intelligence and allow him to speak or whatever, but regardless of everything, learning how to handle him was a good move. He was, after all, quite like a pet right now.
Regardless, he’d practice the [Elemental Spells] he knew: fire and water.
One day, he finally leveled it up.
[Elemental Spells] — Lvl 9 -> Lvl 10!
Warning: Level cap for [Elemental Spells] reached; satisfy the conditions to upgrade [Elemental Spells].
Interesting. Ethan thought, rubbing his chin. However, given that there was no information, he was confused so as to how to satisfy said conditions. I will figure it out, he shrugged, for now, I need to learn the other elements first.
Aside from that particular day’s highlight, his routine would continue as usual. After a satisfying breakfast, it would be time to get down to business. He’d perfected the basic soap recipe, and now it was time to ramp up production. With the success in making the first batch of soap, and the thought of making money, quick, in his mind, he’d started working extra hard to get more soap made. He found himself busier than ever. He’d sit in there for hours and create rune motes after rune motes. One by one, they’d materialize on top of his palms, swirling tiny fireflies.
Just like usual, one particular day, he was creating rune motes.
Ten… twenty… thirty… his brow furrowed in concentration.
Forty… fifty… and then, sixty rune motes. [Basic Rune Creation] skill leveled up, too, and a satisfied grin spread across his face the two times it did level up.
[Basic Rune Creation] – Lvl 5 -> Lvl 6!
[Basic Rune Creation] – Lvl 6 -> Lvl 7!
The number of motes he could create and the speed at which he did it had noticeably improved after each level. It drained his mana reserves daily. He’d often find himself with a dull ache behind his eyes, but he’d pushed on regardless, ignoring the beginnings of a headache and sometimes it’d blow into a full-blown migraine due to his stubbornness.
One such afternoon, as he slumped, massaging his temples, an idea struck him.
“Meditation,” he murmured. Perhaps focusing his mind inward, like calming a churning lake, could help manage his mana pool. It was usually like that in those novels he used to read back in middle school.
The first few days were frustrating. He sat cross-legged on a cushion, eyes closed, trying to clear his mind, but his thoughts kept flitting back to the ever-growing pile of soap base and the dwindling supply of rune motes (Jack hadn’t disappointed him, after all; the man was fast and his money’s worth, if not more. In fact, Ethan found it harder to keep up). Just as he was getting frustrated, a warmth bloomed within him, a gentle hum that resonated deep within something he could only describe as a core. He cracked open his eyes, a surprised gasp escaping his lips.
A notification appeared before him.
First < Previous Next >
Join my Discord Server to have chat, bother me, ask me questions, or just genuine fun really - https://discord.gg/d57v5upvcx
You can read up to 10 Chapters ahead on Patreon!
Note: I use the new subscription model. Meaning, you will get a full month regardless of when you subscribe. For example, if you subscribe on 16th, you will be charged then and there, and going forward, you will be charged on the 16th next month.
Royal Road Patreon Discord
submitted by No_Marzipan_1230 to HFY [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 14:41 ameliaxx4 I think my best friend's boyfriend has a thing for me and I dont know what to do

Before I start the story I wanna say that English isnt my first language so if you see some mistakes dont mind them. Lets call my best friend Emma. Emma(16F) and I(16F) have been friends for about a year now, we're extremely close, practically like sisters, and we went through so much together. She had a few boyfriends and I meet them all, although none of them were good to her. So she broke up with her latest boyfriend around 2 months ago and she was devastated. Around begining of May we went out of town for a trip with a few of out friends, and we met this guy. Turns out he went to the same school as Emma did. All of us became pretty close. The last day of our trip Emma told me that she thinks he's kind of cute, and that she might have a crush on him, however we laughed it off. After iur trip, the friendgroup agreed to meet up with him at a Cafe. While we were there I noticed him glancing at me a few times. I still think I imagined it, but even when one of our friends were talking and I was looking at them, he continuously kept glancing over at me, and while he was telling stories and stuff he kept looking at me. Its worth to mention that I had a boyfriend at the time. After that, my bestfriend texted me that she really liked him. I told her that she should ask him out and get to know him better. After that they started talking a lot more and hanging out a lot more since they were going to the same school. I forgot everything about the glances he gave me since I didnt really care, I had a boyfriend and I didnt pay that much though to other men. A few weeks ago, Emma told me that he asked her to be his girlfriend, and I was so happy for her. We went out the next day to celebrate. I dont know if this is worth mentioning but I broke up with my boyfriend in the mean time, thats a long story might post that aswell. Anyway, one time I was hanging out with them, and Emma and I were really drunk, I was sitting next to her, her boyfriend on the other end hugging her, and suddenly I felt a hand on my knee. I noticed that it was her boyfriends hand and I felt really disgusted, although I brushed it off thinking that it was a mistake and that he didnt notice it was my leg instead of hers. Well yesterday, Emma and her boyfriend were at my house, it was 40°C(104°F) outside so I was wearing shorts and a crop top. He was in my living room with Emma, I walked in to ask Emma something and from the corner of my eye I saw her boyfriend looking me up and down. Thats the last thing worth mentioning. I feel like im making all of this up and that Im just overly paranoid, but this is the first good relationship she had and I dont want it to be ruined because her man is in love with someone else. Please tell me im making all of this up and that im just delusional. If not, I dont know what I should do. Do I tell her? Im afraid she might get mad at me, I dont want to lose my best friend over this.
submitted by ameliaxx4 to Advice [link] [comments]


http://activeproperty.pl/