We all know how funny his writing was, but there was a lot of really good writing that was not comedy in Only Fools and Horses. There was of course the theme running right through the show of the family loving each other, despite their problems. So many dramatic and touching moments. Grandad's funeral. Del standing in the function room after Rodney's wedding as "Holding Back The Years" plays. Marlene having to leave the baby she hoped to adopt. Albert explaining after the court case about how he wanted to get money for Grandad's gravestone. Del explaining to Raquel how he had to take control after his mum died and his father left. Del's fear and later relief when it turns out he doesn't have cancer. Rodney telling Del how he feels after the miscarriage when they are in the lift. Albert remembering how the docks were as a lively port when he was young. The list could go on and I am sure you will add some more of them.
There are so many scenes which could stand by themselves as pure and brilliant dramatic writing, amidst all the comedy. If someone walked into a room and saw one of those scenes, they would not have known they were in a classic comedy show. While we loved the series as a comedy, there was a lot drama to also hook us in. He knitted the comedy and those really serious scenes together seamlessly. He wrote a lot of sitcoms, but he could just have easily written many serious drama shows too. John Sullivan was a genius.

Background; my mum is an alcoholic and has been my whole life, she made me homeless multiple times as a young adult and as a young mother, she completely disregarded me and my children in our time of need. She has also rang social services on me with a load of lies and malicious intent multiple times. I have created a beautiful life for me and my children in a home full of love and laughter. On the day my daughter was born, she ran off and got drunk in a ditch because they wouldnt let her into the hopsital as i was in a seperate room as i had an emergency c section. One month before my son was born, she punched me in the face. She continues to emotionally neglect us, but I know it's the Alcoholism so I still try to maintain a relationship with her. My mum and dad had been separated for a few years before his death, but were still kind of on and off. As I was by his side in the days leading up to his death, she would send nasty messages which he wasn't able to read, she sent nasty messages to my dad's family on the day of his funeral which she wasnt allowed to attend. She has a victim mindset and refuses to acknowledge or take responsibility for how she contributed to all the turbulent relationships she has had.
My mum has a neighbour who moved in less than a year ago, this neighbour is a young single mother who has got herself out of a bad situation and is still getting her life in order. My mum gets distressed because she can hear her shouting at what my mum assumes is her children. My mum rang social services, housing and the police on her before she had even introduced herself to her. They first met face to face when there was an issue with a joint drain overflowing and it turned ugly, with the girl knocking on my mums door being defensive as she now sees my mum as a threat due to her calling everyone which could have potentially resulted in her losing her home and children, my mum slammed the door in her face. I couldn't stand my mum being in a state of distress without trying to help, so I introduced myself to this girl after the school run as our children attend the same school, just so she can associate my mum with me, a friendly face, and so I could step in if needed. I cut my mums hedge and I couldn't reach the top on her side, so I knocked on the door but there was no answer, i found her on Facebook and asked if she would like me to do her side; she declined as she wasn't in but appreciated the offer. Since then, I have had messages from her regarding the disputes between her and my mum and I have tried to stay unbiased and help keep the peace. This girl is exactly where I was less than 5 years ago, just overcome homelessness and abuse, traumatised and trying to fix her life with no support. I really see myself in her and i have so much compassion for her and her situation. I have shared the things that helped me find peace in my own mind and by extention, create a peaceful loving life all round. My advice must have helped as my mum said she didn't hear anything at all for half a week when before it was every single day. But then my mum decided not to cut her side of their shared front garden. I asked my mum how much ot would have cost to do it and she didnt want to tell me. I asked was it a pathetic amount and she said yes; it would have cost £5 extra to do it. I said you have done it out of spite and that's wrong. If you can take a little bit of stress off of a struggling mother than £5 is worth it. She asked me to not talk to the girl anymore and I said I'm not going to stop being kind just because you are choosing to be angry. She then blocked me and we haven't spoken for 2 weeks, except when she unblocked me to send me more abuse and then I blocked her. I haven't spoken to the neighbour either until 2 days ago where she told me my mum has been screaming through the walls that she has called social services again. The neighbour told me the social services have been in contact again. My nan has told me that my mum hasn't done it, but I don't believe her at all because she done the same to me and then tried to deny it but soon admitted it was her because I knew for a fact it was her.
I've taken myself out of the situation as my efforts of keeping the peace were obviously wasted and the only positive impact I had on this situation was I helped this girl feel that she has a choice of peace and love when all she has known is trauma and abuse. Another positive thing is I have realised so much of my energy was wasted on being sad that my mum doesn't love me (or show that she loves me) and now I am emotionally available to be overwhelmed with love and awe for my own children.
Am I the asshole here?

I feel like I need to talk about this.
My Nan just died. I wasn’t there because they’re in England and we’re in Canada. I have a feeling my mum is going to go over there when the funeral happens (at least I hope she does because she’s her mum.)
I’m trying not to get emotional about it but I can’t help it. To imagine all the memories I’ve had with my Nan to them come to the conclusion that she is no longer here any more, it feels empty. I can imagine her in that hospital bed, until she takes that last breath and then she’s no longer there any more. Just empty.
My Nan and grandad came over every summer for a week or two and we would go out and do things even if we’ve already done them before last summer. I remember during one of there visits, my Nan started having problems with her leg, it would swell and she would have trouble walking. Just went downhill from there.
And my mum couldn’t do anything to help because she’s all the way in another country. So I can’t imagine having to keep hearing that certain people involved in the medical field were being assholes, she wasn’t getting right care, she kept falling over, she kept getting worse. And my mum felt like shit not being able to do anything but listen to my grandfather struggle.
I don’t know. I don’t know how I’m going to help mum if I’m emotional myself.
I know this could sound shitty in a way but I am slightly, ever most slightly relieved that she is gone because that’s it. All the pain and suffering is over and it doesn’t string along family for thinking that she’s going to bounce back because that’s what doctors kept trying to do. Whether or not they were being honest, I don’t know. But she wasn’t ever good, wasn’t ever taken seriously from what I was told when she first started having issues just given a drug to see if it would fix it and when it didn’t just put her on another. Until she was taking over 50 tablets a day (maybe even more) and just a few weeks ago the professionals thought to themselves “huh this seems kind of strange, were going to look and see if these medications are effecting one another?” WHEN SHE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL.
Seems so easy to be angry. But anger never lasts and she’s gone now and I won’t have any new memories of her and I curse myself for not having a fantastic memory so that I can remember her more clearly. Just no new memories to have. But she’s gone, she’s resting, all that pain isn’t going to bother her. Maybe if she’s a ghost (something my mum believes) maybe she’ll visit us.
I think I’m scared of confrontation as well, my neighbour died months ago, my mum’s, coworkers husband died months ago and my great grandmother (mum’s side) passed away too. Seems like death is all around us at the moment. I’m not so scared of confronting death but confronting the people it affects. I don’t know the right thing to say, maybe nothing at all but I don’t want to come off that I’m ignoring it because that’s hurtful. Maybe I’ll never find the answer for it. Maybe that’s the point.
Thanks for reading.

This is the most plausible answer. I think this is exactly how he did it using facts from sermons, emails, texts, news, interviews, maps, and extensive experience with parasitic Narcissistic sitic abuse. If there is anything that I am incorrect on please let me know and I will recalculate. After typing this up two days ago, I stumbled upon Mica’s father‘s interview, and it completely solidified it to the point where I started violently shaking. I think this is what happened.
I was told Winslow‘s property backs up against that state forest. 200 acres. Right down the road. Now remember. Somebody on his staff was told to go and trim back the overgrowth on that specific property shortly before all of this happened,
I think Mica at some point had conversation with Winslow and agreed to come and talk to him at his property, a “safe place JP wouldn’t know.”, thinking she could trust him. I think mica went to winslows and JP was waiting there for unknowingly.
I think Winslow has JP‘s phone and I think JP has Winslow‘s phone so they’re not gonna ping the towers. All they saw was the license plate they never verified He was actually there.
I think JP and Winslow met at a undisclosed location and swapped vehicles. JP went up to Winslow’s NC property with Winslow‘s vehicle and cell phone, and Winslow went down south with JP cell phone and truck. I can’t quite place the girlfriend, but she is an alibi therefore she is aware that something has happened or is going on. I cannot figure out whether or not Winslow was with JP and she took the vehicle down south either or we need to find out the location of where the girlfriend was and where Winslow was. That could all be found by bank financial records of the days in question. Nobody uses cash in 2024 for an entire getaway.
Didn’t they say he got a new truck? There was something new about the truck? Did he get a new one so it wouldn’t have any of Winslow’s DNA inside of it? If Winslow drove it, his DNA/finger prints on the steering wheel would easily be on the steering wheel. Why else would he need to drive Winslow‘s vehicle if there were indications, he was driving the vehicle. Now remember one of them is a lawyer he knows what they look for. JP‘s and Winslow‘s vehicles both need to be tested for gunpowder residue.
Mica shows up to Winslow’s property, JP is there with Winslow’s vehicle, ambushes her OR Winslow is there too and the girlfriend took her phone and truck south. He already has a plan of where he’s going to take her to unalive her before she arrives. JP drives Mica’s car with Mica in it to the final location parking lot, walks her into the woods kills her, puts her stuff down and walks back to Winslow property through the woods. Girlfriend says she was with him, I think she stayed at the property or she drove a vehicle to come get him after he was done if she was there. either way Winslow or girlfriend somebody picked him up or was waiting or he went back to the property and gotten Winslow‘s vehicle and left. Remember it’s not that far away..
Now, after reviewing the 911 recording again, I do not think it is AI. The biggest reason why I know it wasn’t AI is because if you listen to the fast response when asked for the phone number, there wasn’t enough time to record that and send it at the same time. So she replied too fast. Now, when have you ever heard a 911 operator asking somebody for their phone number? That never would have been written. You still have the type stuff in the AI creators. Also, she delayed pause between every number, how would she have replied in half the time it would have taken to type all of that out. Think about it, he would have had to type a number hit space type a number hit space over and over. In a rush I know I mess up you don’t think he would have messed up? He never would have been able to get that recorded smoothly quickly in the time it took for her to respond. Again, when have you ever heard of 911 asking for your phone number?. I believe he is in the car with her after they just left Winslows property. I believe he’s sitting right next to her in the car and allows her to make the call thinking it’s going to cover up everything and benefit him. She was sending out the whistle to her family and She’s trying to buy time for them to locate her. He knew to turn off the location because she mentioned She turned it on notice how it ended at that?. My point with this is at the end.
Logically speaking if she was purposely driving to that park, she would have known the name to GPS it. She would’ve known the name of the park to give the operator. That’s why she was pausing, probably looking to him to see where they’re at. That’s why she says “yes that’s it” cause he nodded. he had enough time to process what the operator was saying before Mica was able to answer that’s why she was able to reply quickly because the operator was speaking slowly. He heard the first word and nodded. She didn’t know, but now suddenly she knew? If she was going to purposely take her own life, and she really wanted her body found, why wouldn’t she have found the name of the park before she called to give them proper location?
She would have seen oh look it’s a park and read the sign and pulled into it. She didn’t know the sign because she was terrified because he was with her. She just knows she’s in a park.
I would possibly look to see if there was any dirt roads that led to where her vehicle is at back to Winslow’s property. That might be why she didn’t see a sign. I haven’t looked too much into that part but it’s a suggestion if anybody wants to do any homework.
SO That’s why the phone was put on airplane mode so cops wouldn’t track them into the woods at the site of the incident and he would be able to get away in time into the woods without being seen.
Also airplane mode was turned on while in the car, at the end of the 911 call, I think he took the phone put the airplane mode on which is why the airplane mode was put on because she mentioned it out loud specifically, he knew the cops were coming time to MOVE, can’t follow us to the woods though. THATS why there’s no bird sounds, they did it in the car after they got to the parking lot. I think subconsciously she thought knew this was going to happen. Kinda like I told my family this was going to happen, and then it clicked what she needed to do. He brought the phone with them to paint the picture. Why would she turn off her location herself if she wanted to be found? She was already going to enter her life right? She was obviously not going to wait a long time right? Listen to her voice when it got emotional when she said she was going to kill herself. If she was unsure, why did she skip up in the exact moment? She was almost free, she had fought so hard. When you’re almost free, what would make you think she would want to stop now? Listen to me clearly, he was in the car. She needed to send out a dog whistle to the people she had told she she told him she would admit to the suicide if she could have her body found. She knew she was going to die and she knew she needed to make sure her family could piece this together. Therefore the only plausible answer is he was in the car with her. She was emotionless probably because the gun was already on her, the phone was removed from her because she mentioned the airplane mode specifically he thought they can’t trace us out to the woods, airplane mode goes on. He walked out to the woods. He needed Time to get away and couldn’t have them knowing exactly where he was to go to first so he could escape right after.
Now he goes into the woods by possibly dragging her which is why she has a bruised wrist. That might be why she started crying. She might have tried to get away when she knew what was going to happen or that it was happening hence why there’s multiple rounds. This led to possible yanking, and then the gunshot, which is why the fisherman heard the crying. Then it was over. Put her in the water he placed her belongings and Then he walked back towards Winslow‘s property. I want to know if there’s a phone call between mica and Winslow, was this drive scheduled day of or days prior and gave enough time for it to be planned. I believe at that time he got back into Winslow’s vehicle met somewhere with Windlow switched vehicles again. JP going to his home and Winslow going back to his home. The funeral and everything was already preplanned and scheduled due to the fact they already knew what was going to happen and already had it pre-planned and needed to make sure it was swift and left no room for delay. Her family, knowing they would want to see her, he manipulated them into signing the cremation holding her body over their heads. Taunting them via text message blaming them to create the narrative. Otherwise, what would be the big deal of allowing them to see the body without needing something in exchange? He knew they would have questions afterwards. At that time all they had was the 911 call and a body, sometimes you need time to process. You know when something happens and then later on you’re like wait what? He wanted to make sure that body had no stop on the cremation process to get rid of all evidence before thosequestions inevitably came. He got ahead of it so there was no hiccup in delays because he knew he had to allow them to see the body to the public that would be the moral right thing to do. Not allowing them to see the body would be suspicious. He figured out how to make it work for both. He talks about laying with her body four times and trying to raise her from the dead, was this guilt or was it like when somebody puts a deer head on the wall?
Now remember, she has already been predisposed to trust Winslow. He mentions Winslow in an email to her previously, obviously showing that he & his wife were a trusted friend of hers as well. It’s 100% a possibility that Winslow told her to come up and talk where she was protected and JP wouldn’t find them, and Winslow left with the truck and met with JP and they switched. Winslow south, JP north. Winslow had asked his staff to clean up that overgrowth on the property. It being a wooded area, was this done so that the roadway was assessable for the plan? she probably drove down some type of dirt road, and he ambushed her in some manner. North Carolina Woods are dense, therefore easily to hide when she pulls over.
Now, how do I think that JP convinced Winslow to help, I believe JP convinced Winslow , Mica was going to tell on all of them and ruin their lives. This could have been backed up by the fact that all the documentation that she had previously collected had gone missing, and was brought to Winslow to paint Mica as an enemy so this was enough for him to convince Winslow that their future and freedom was inJeopardy. When JP was actually afraid she was going to tell on his abuse and life and ruin him. So they killed her to protect their life.
They said something yesterday about breaking news how they found that the notary was forged? Thats enough for me to draw speculation because it was done by Winslow that he is now in on the dirty dealings. He is a part of the actual dirty dealings against mica He knows something is being done wrong and he is condoning it.
That notary that was done on the power of attorney from mica was falsely notarized. Mica was not present for the notary. There was an article on earlier I was looking at but I was in information overload. I just know It was not legally notarized. This shows that Winslow does not have integrity. How far is he willing to go to protect JP and all of their secrets?
I think she told JP she just wanted her body to be found for her family and she would go without a fight. I believe that it was a dog whistle to her family. The clue they would need to know this wasn’t suicide. She told them and now she needed them to remember. She knew she was going to die and everybody needed to know about the gunshot specifically that she warned everyone about days prior. He didn’t know she told people close to her that that. That’s why her voice broke up when she said she was going to unalive herself. She did not want to die. She just wanted people to be able to solve the crime. She manipulated him into thinking he was going to get away with this because she is admitting to it being a suicide. Not knowing She had whistled what was going to happen, she needed people to listen. She offered up no extra information during the 911 call which then delayed the process hoping they would find her location. She told her dad days prior she’s getting a gun for protection. I think she got it before she drove up there just incase and the bruises on her hand may be him wrestling it from her. Maybe at arrival.
A search and rescue dog can smell from weeks to months after somebody has left the area, and if anybody can get something of his and be able to place him there in the woods, you have convincing beyond a reasonable doubt.
After writing this up yesterday when I was complete, I got super sick to my stomach. I was shaking. I could see it completely out in my head where all the facts completely aligned. I believe tthis is the only plausible theory there is.
What people need to realize at the end of the day the good attention and bad attention is still attention to a narcissist. He is enjoying the intention is getting from this primarily from getting away with it. That’s why I believe he visited her body four times after she was deceased. Because he already had a girlfriend, he already talked about going and getting a hot wife and then after she dies, he does an interview about how she’s the most incredible wife and supportive. He made the obituary about how awesome he thought she was to still collect her validation and the validation he got from being her husband because she was good. She was light and he was jealous of that. He wanted that that’s why he had that position. She loved him so much he claimed and how she was so wonderful he claimed yet she didn’t want him when she had a no contact order and wanted a divorce obviously, he wasn’t that. and if you guys don’t think he groomed her go to the memorial of life sermon and listen to the poem again. Now switch the words, “school” and “church.” And follow the story line.
He killed Mica Miller.

This is the most plausible answer. I think this is exactly how he did it using facts from sermons, emails, texts, news, interviews, maps, and extensive experience with parasitic Narcissistic sitic abuse. If there is anything that I am incorrect on please let me know and I will recalculate. After typing this up two days ago, I stumbled upon Mica’s father‘s interview, and it completely solidified it to the point where I started violently shaking. I think this is what happened.
I was told Winslow‘s property backs up against that state forest. 200 acres. Right down the road. Now remember. Somebody on his staff was told to go and trim back the overgrowth on that specific property shortly before all of this happened,
I think Mica at some point had conversation with Winslow and agreed to come and talk to him at his property, a “safe place JP wouldn’t know.”, thinking she could trust him. I think mica went to winslows and JP was waiting there for unknowingly.
I think Winslow has JP‘s phone and I think JP has Winslow‘s phone so they’re not gonna ping the towers. All they saw was the license plate they never verified He was actually there.
I think JP and Winslow met at a undisclosed location and swapped vehicles. JP went up to Winslow’s NC property with Winslow‘s vehicle and cell phone, and Winslow went down south with JP cell phone and truck. I can’t quite place the girlfriend, but she is an alibi therefore she is aware that something has happened or is going on. I cannot figure out whether or not Winslow was with JP and she took the vehicle down south either or we need to find out the location of where the girlfriend was and where Winslow was. That could all be found by bank financial records of the days in question. Nobody uses cash in 2024 for an entire getaway.
Didn’t they say he got a new truck? There was something new about the truck? Did he get a new one so it wouldn’t have any of Winslow’s DNA inside of it? If Winslow drove it, his DNA/finger prints on the steering wheel would easily be on the steering wheel. Why else would he need to drive Winslow‘s vehicle if there were indications, he was driving the vehicle. Now remember one of them is a lawyer he knows what they look for. JP‘s and Winslow‘s vehicles both need to be tested for gunpowder residue.
Mica shows up to Winslow’s property, JP is there with Winslow’s vehicle, ambushes her OR Winslow is there too and the girlfriend took her phone and truck south. He already has a plan of where he’s going to take her to unalive her before she arrives. JP drives Mica’s car with Mica in it to the final location parking lot, walks her into the woods kills her, puts her stuff down and walks back to Winslow property through the woods. Girlfriend says she was with him, I think she stayed at the property or she drove a vehicle to come get him after he was done if she was there. either way Winslow or girlfriend somebody picked him up or was waiting or he went back to the property and gotten Winslow‘s vehicle and left. Remember it’s not that far away..
Now, after reviewing the 911 recording again, I do not think it is AI. The biggest reason why I know it wasn’t AI is because if you listen to the fast response when asked for the phone number, there wasn’t enough time to record that and send it at the same time. So she replied too fast. Now, when have you ever heard a 911 operator asking somebody for their phone number? That never would have been written. You still have the type stuff in the AI creators. Also, she delayed pause between every number, how would she have replied in half the time it would have taken to type all of that out. Think about it, he would have had to type a number hit space type a number hit space over and over. In a rush I know I mess up you don’t think he would have messed up? He never would have been able to get that recorded smoothly quickly in the time it took for her to respond. Again, when have you ever heard of 911 asking for your phone number?. I believe he is in the car with her after they just left Winslows property. I believe he’s sitting right next to her in the car and allows her to make the call thinking it’s going to cover up everything and benefit him. She was sending out the whistle to her family and She’s trying to buy time for them to locate her. He knew to turn off the location because she mentioned She turned it on notice how it ended at that?. My point with this is at the end.
Logically speaking if she was purposely driving to that park, she would have known the name to GPS it. She would’ve known the name of the park to give the operator. That’s why she was pausing, probably looking to him to see where they’re at. That’s why she says “yes that’s it” cause he nodded. he had enough time to process what the operator was saying before Mica was able to answer that’s why she was able to reply quickly because the operator was speaking slowly. He heard the first word and nodded. She didn’t know, but now suddenly she knew? If she was going to purposely take her own life, and she really wanted her body found, why wouldn’t she have found the name of the park before she called to give them proper location?
She would have seen oh look it’s a park and read the sign and pulled into it. She didn’t know the sign because she was terrified because he was with her. She just knows she’s in a park.
I would possibly look to see if there was any dirt roads that led to where her vehicle is at back to Winslow’s property. That might be why she didn’t see a sign. I haven’t looked too much into that part but it’s a suggestion if anybody wants to do any homework.
SO That’s why the phone was put on airplane mode so cops wouldn’t track them into the woods at the site of the incident and he would be able to get away in time into the woods without being seen.
Also airplane mode was turned on while in the car, at the end of the 911 call, I think he took the phone put the airplane mode on which is why the airplane mode was put on because she mentioned it out loud specifically, he knew the cops were coming time to MOVE, can’t follow us to the woods though. THATS why there’s no bird sounds, they did it in the car after they got to the parking lot. I think subconsciously she thought knew this was going to happen. Kinda like I told my family this was going to happen, and then it clicked what she needed to do. He brought the phone with them to paint the picture. Why would she turn off her location herself if she wanted to be found? She was already going to enter her life right? She was obviously not going to wait a long time right? Listen to her voice when it got emotional when she said she was going to kill herself. If she was unsure, why did she skip up in the exact moment? She was almost free, she had fought so hard. When you’re almost free, what would make you think she would want to stop now? Listen to me clearly, he was in the car. She needed to send out a dog whistle to the people she had told she she told him she would admit to the suicide if she could have her body found. She knew she was going to die and she knew she needed to make sure her family could piece this together. Therefore the only plausible answer is he was in the car with her. She was emotionless probably because the gun was already on her, the phone was removed from her because she mentioned the airplane mode specifically he thought they can’t trace us out to the woods, airplane mode goes on. He walked out to the woods. He needed Time to get away and couldn’t have them knowing exactly where he was to go to first so he could escape right after.
Now he goes into the woods by possibly dragging her which is why she has a bruised wrist. That might be why she started crying. She might have tried to get away when she knew what was going to happen or that it was happening hence why there’s multiple rounds. This led to possible yanking, and then the gunshot, which is why the fisherman heard the crying. Then it was over. Put her in the water he placed her belongings and Then he walked back towards Winslow‘s property. I want to know if there’s a phone call between mica and Winslow, was this drive scheduled day of or days prior and gave enough time for it to be planned. I believe at that time he got back into Winslow’s vehicle met somewhere with Windlow switched vehicles again. JP going to his home and Winslow going back to his home. The funeral and everything was already preplanned and scheduled due to the fact they already knew what was going to happen and already had it pre-planned and needed to make sure it was swift and left no room for delay. Her family, knowing they would want to see her, he manipulated them into signing the cremation holding her body over their heads. Taunting them via text message blaming them to create the narrative. Otherwise, what would be the big deal of allowing them to see the body without needing something in exchange? He knew they would have questions afterwards. At that time all they had was the 911 call and a body, sometimes you need time to process. You know when something happens and then later on you’re like wait what? He wanted to make sure that body had no stop on the cremation process to get rid of all evidence before thosequestions inevitably came. He got ahead of it so there was no hiccup in delays because he knew he had to allow them to see the body to the public that would be the moral right thing to do. Not allowing them to see the body would be suspicious. He figured out how to make it work for both. He talks about laying with her body four times and trying to raise her from the dead, was this guilt or was it like when somebody puts a deer head on the wall?
Now remember, she has already been predisposed to trust Winslow. He mentions Winslow in an email to her previously, obviously showing that he & his wife were a trusted friend of hers as well. It’s 100% a possibility that Winslow told her to come up and talk where she was protected and JP wouldn’t find them, and Winslow left with the truck and met with JP and they switched. Winslow south, JP north. Winslow had asked his staff to clean up that overgrowth on the property. It being a wooded area, was this done so that the roadway was assessable for the plan? she probably drove down some type of dirt road, and he ambushed her in some manner. North Carolina Woods are dense, therefore easily to hide when she pulls over.
Now, how do I think that JP convinced Winslow to help, I believe JP convinced Winslow , Mica was going to tell on all of them and ruin their lives. This could have been backed up by the fact that all the documentation that she had previously collected had gone missing, and was brought to Winslow to paint Mica as an enemy so this was enough for him to convince Winslow that their future and freedom was inJeopardy. When JP was actually afraid she was going to tell on his abuse and life and ruin him. So they killed her to protect their life.
They said something yesterday about breaking news how they found that the notary was forged? Thats enough for me to draw speculation because it was done by Winslow that he is now in on the dirty dealings. He is a part of the actual dirty dealings against mica He knows something is being done wrong and he is condoning it.
That notary that was done on the power of attorney from mica was falsely notarized. Mica was not present for the notary. There was an article on earlier I was looking at but I was in information overload. I just know It was not legally notarized. This shows that Winslow does not have integrity. How far is he willing to go to protect JP and all of their secrets?
I think she told JP she just wanted her body to be found for her family and she would go without a fight. I believe that it was a dog whistle to her family. The clue they would need to know this wasn’t suicide. She told them and now she needed them to remember. She knew she was going to die and everybody needed to know about the gunshot specifically that she warned everyone about days prior. He didn’t know she told people close to her that that. That’s why her voice broke up when she said she was going to unalive herself. She did not want to die. She just wanted people to be able to solve the crime. She manipulated him into thinking he was going to get away with this because she is admitting to it being a suicide. Not knowing She had whistled what was going to happen, she needed people to listen. She offered up no extra information during the 911 call which then delayed the process hoping they would find her location. She told her dad days prior she’s getting a gun for protection. I think she got it before she drove up there just incase and the bruises on her hand may be him wrestling it from her. Maybe at arrival.
A search and rescue dog can smell from weeks to months after somebody has left the area, and if anybody can get something of his and be able to place him there in the woods, you have convincing beyond a reasonable doubt.
After writing this up yesterday when I was complete, I got super sick to my stomach. I was shaking. I could see it completely out in my head where all the facts completely aligned. I believe tthis is the only plausible theory there is.
What people need to realize at the end of the day the good attention and bad attention is still attention to a narcissist. He is enjoying the intention is getting from this primarily from getting away with it. That’s why I believe he visited her body four times after she was deceased. Because he already had a girlfriend, he already talked about going and getting a hot wife and then after she dies, he does an interview about how she’s the most incredible wife and supportive. He made the obituary about how awesome she thought HE was to still collect her validation and the validation he got from being her husband because she was good. She was light and he was jealous of that. He wanted that that’s why he had that position. She loved him so much he claimed and how she was so wonderful he claimed yet she didn’t want him when she had a no contact order and wanted a divorce obviously, he wasn’t that. and if you guys don’t think he groomed her go to the memorial of life sermon and listen to the poem again. Now switch the words, “school” and “church.” And follow the story line.
He killed Mica Miller.

ive been mindfucked since yesterday since i found out the truth about my whole family situation. my 'grandma' isnt even my real grandma. my grandpa fucked my 'grandmas' little sister (my actual real grandma) when they were married and had a child (my mum) so my real grandma has passed away now and i had a pseudo grandma for my whole life
my grandpa then went onto have 6 more kids with my 'grandma'. the thing is my grandparents raised my mum as if she was their own, so my mum is the oldest in the 'family'
i have a large extended family but i always felt like the black sheep. my cousins and aunties/uncles have been my half cousins and half aunties/uncles this whole time. apparently none of my cousins know but all the uncles and aunties know
to give some backstory, my oldest aunty hated my mum and was a nasty bitch to her since adolescence and my mum still detest her till this day. i never got along with my cousins from that aunty, even tho they had a son just 1 year younger than me. i felt like i got the same treatment my mum got from her sister. those cousins (2 girls and 2 boys) would social media stalk me and engage in malicious gossip and spread fucked up rumours about me. and at family gatherings they would make snide comments randomly at me. my mum assumes the reason for the hostility from my aunt towards her is coz she found out she comes from another mum (her aunt)
im 30 years old now and for the last 10 years i barely went to any of the social gatherings, but went to alot of them growing up as a kid and adolescent. my other cousin would also make nasty comments at me randomly when i did attend a gathering. like purposely trying to exclude me from the tribe. even tho they dont know about this secret its like deep down unconsciously they do. some of my uncles would also frequently try to belittle me whenever they saw fit. the aunty that was a bitch to my mum was kinda cold to me too, and it feels kinda 'fake' when i did interact with her
my grandpa passed away last year and my mum eventually found out the truth by confirmations from her uncles/aunties. the twisted thing is my mum had an inkling growing up coz she said my 'grandma' abused her and was very mean to her. she thought that my grandma didnt love her growing up. growing up my 'grandma' was never really that affectionate with me, but she was with my cousins. like cuddling them and doting/kissing so that added the suspicion for my mum. my mum had a cousin that was 9 years older, and she thought it was odd when my 'grandma' never took care of my mum as a baby/kid but her aunty (real grandma) would take care of my mum and be really affectionate
the fucked up thing is my mum confronted my grandpa when she was like 35 (55 years old now) about her suspicion that her aunty is her real mother and my aunts told my grandpa to put my mum in a mental institution coz they didnt want the secret out and he went through with it. so my mum was put into the psychiatric hospital for schizophrenia. they knew it would taint my grandpas image and wanted my cousins to believe in this happy little lie
so i grew up having a 'psychotic mum' but she they just gas lit the fuck out of her. my mum had multiple suicide attempts when i was growing up as a kid/teenger
my mum and her older cousin that knew had a meeting with 1 of my aunties to talk about it after confirmation that it was all true and my aunty just told them to promise not to tell any of the kids (cousins and me/my siblings) so they dont 'taint' the image of grandpa and the drama it could ensue. my mum is obviously going to break that promise and eventually tell my other siblings (im the first to know)
my mum barely ever sees them and doesn't attend any of the gatherings. everything is clicking now why i always felt like an outsider. my other siblings are the same that we dont go to the gatherings except 1 of my sisters since shes gets along with them. but my mum doesnt know if she should tell her the truth
at the funeral 1 of the cousins that was quite cold and nasty to me gave a eulogy, and you know how when u give a eulogy u 'gas' them up (like try to make them seem like such a great person) using phrases like how he was a gentle man etc (she literally said that lol) but the point is theres alot of pretentiousness in this family and i just thought that was amusing
ive met my grandma only twice in my life when i was a teenager and she came to visit and my sisters wedding but i dont remember it. when she passed away 5 years ago in vietnam my mum was the only one to attend the funeral. apparently everyone was shocked how similar my mum looked like her but everyone just said coz shes her niece
a part of me feels sad that ill never get to experience the warmth of my grandma. whats its like to be doted on as a kid. my interactions with my 'grandma' always felt kinda distant. it was actually the same with my grandpa. its like we reminded him of how he betrayed his wife. didnt help that they could barely speak english lol, i wonder how different everything would be if we could actually talk to each other since i cant speak Vietnamese and they never bothered to learn english when they migrated to australia
now looking at some of the family photos and its like a whole new lens has been added. dont know if its a fake smile coming from my 'grandma' or not and i swear i can see the rage and bitterness in her eyes
theres only like 1 cousin that i feel like i have a 'decent' bond with, and most of the others im amicable with. but for the specific family members that treated me harshly for whatever reason it showed me the truth that i was never truly part of the family. the next time i see them i wonder whats its going to feel like since i only just know the truth now. my mum said the aunties are being more distant with her since they now know that my mum also knows the truth
i feel pretty fucked in the head growing up in that family. still deal with mental health issues and poor self esteem and i attribute a lot to growing up with them. not to say there weren't ever any good or fun times but the negative just outweighs the positive by a landslide. i really wonder what life would be like if instead of my grandpa taking care of my mum she stayed back in Vietnam with my grandma and we never knew this family
just had to rant coz my mind is going haywire about all of this and how everything has played out in my life. i dunno if im just mindfucking myself but everything just makes sense now

Hi all. I hope it's okay to share this here. I'm new to this whole thing and I just need to let out some thoughts and feelings that have been weighing on me lately. It's been a really difficult year.
Where to start.. Perhaps some context. My partner and I currently live in a small single bedroom studio apartment in the UK. We have just given birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy who has just turned one month this previous Sunday.
11 Months ago, in June, my partner and I suffered a late miscarriage of our son at 18 weeks. It was devastating and heartbreaking, and holding him in my arms was a moment that I will never forget and will weigh heavily on my heart for the rest of my life. Carrying his coffin through the crematorium and reading the poem I wrote him is something I never thought in my life I'd ever have to do. Then, two weeks later, I lost my job. It was due to a mistake on my part, one I'll always hold my hands up and admit to, but the timing of it couldn't have been worse. It stung.. it still stings, because the job market hasn't been kind to me since. Every single day I'm out looking for work, doing odd-jobs here and there to get by but I've been unable to find a new consistent job, and so we're having to rely on government benefits to get by financially.
Fast forward to now.. we've been blessed with a gorgeous baby boy. But with blessing comes challenge. My partner is battling PPD, struggling with her self-image, and feeling lost in herself. She can't walk past a mirror without breaking down and the stress of looking after him alone when it's my turn to sleep causes the same reaction. Our baby boy has colic and so, to ensure we're actually resting, we're currently rotating in shifts to look after him. We tried the standard 8 hours each and that didn't work out for us so now we're rotating in 3 hour shifts. For 3 hours I'll take him, then we'll both look after him together for 3 hours before my partner then takes him for 3- and then so on. Admittedly, we've struggled to stick to that routine but it's definitely working better than the one before.
I've been doing my best to hold everything together. Since we brought him home I've taken the lion's share of responsibilities so my partner can rest and recover from childbirth, as well as have the time she needs to push through her PPD. I usually let her sleep over the 3 hour mark by quite a fair bit and in the beginning the baby was glued to me to allow her to recover. I was more than happy for this and I want it clear that I'm not complaining. I made that choice and I am happy with it. What I'm venting about here is a bit more complicated.
I don't... feel anything with him. I don't have the connection with my son that everyone else seems to have. It's like I'm babysitting a stranger's child. Am I not supposed to have this overwhelming feeling of love and joy? My partner and each of our parents all have this connection with him. They have so much love and pride when they see and hold him and I.. don't. What I feel is instead a sense of responsibility, a paternal desire to protect and keep him safe.. but I don't feel anything else. I'm always told that it's because my partner carried him for 9 months and that our parents have had children before themselves so they know what it's like.. but I can't help but feel guilty and cruel because of it.
And ultimately, I think that's what it boils down to. Guilt. It's eating me up inside. I feel guilty for not feeling what everyone else seems to feel, for not being able to provide financially, for not always knowing what my baby needs. I miss our lost baby every day, and it's hard not to see him when I look at our new baby. It'll be a year since we lost him in a few weeks and it's a painful reminder of what we lost. I'm terrified of being the type of Dad my Father was, I'm terrified that as he grows older he'll resent me because I was unable to provide for him the way I should. I just.. I've always dreamed of being an this amazing Father and an amazing future Husband to my partner and with each day I feel like it's a dream I'll never achieve.
I know that it's supposed to get better. Everyone says it and I don't doubt it.. but it's hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel. One thing I'm incredibly grateful for, though, is how supportive my partner and I have been with each other. Every trial and tribulation has only ever made us stronger and I fall more in love with her every day. Seeing her be the Mum I always knew she'd be.. it makes everything just a little bit easier. I've told her all of this and she's told me her own woes, and we're doing everything we can day by day- and it's for that very reason that I want to do right by them both.
I'm sorry if this post seems out of place or self-indulgent. I just needed to let these thoughts out into the world, to lighten the load even just a little bit. Thanks for listening, Dads. And sorry if this isn't the right place for it. I'm still learning the ropes of this whole new Dad thing.

one year ago my person survived a suicide attempt.
i thought i saved him!
we made plans to see a favorite band together. he told me he was “moving” the next day. i thought he was talking about suicide but i couldn’t prove it. so i begged him not to. i read him a poem i wrote for him. i knew i couldn’t reason with him so i wrote him a poem. i poured my heart out to him and i let him go.

i said i am your friend always you told me to take a snapshot of the moment and promise it will last forever if we were ever the same person we will be forever love is what you see when you cut the universe open and i said you are with me always love is simple
how do you deal with a flat earther? how do you help anybody who has built an illogical world? i want to be able to say So it goes. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned. you are irreplaceable

i let him go and i missed his late night call. i got a morning call that he was in the hospital. he had survived. he was too preoccupied with my poem and goodbye playlist, which he put on so he would feel less alone as he died. his suicide text went out before he completed. 911 was immediately notified and took him to the hospital.
it was the most harrowing day of my life to that point. it was also beautiful and romantic. i saved a friend i had known for half my life. i saved my first love. i saved a life with love and poetry. i felt powerful, like i had pulled off an impossible magic act.
by December i thought we were out-of-the-woods. he even wrote this to me:

You didn’t tell me to stay, but you did stay with me. You didn’t tell me what to do, but you diddo it with me. You gave me agency. Not by enabling me, though you did enable me. You gave me agency by spending your time with me, and time passed. You gave me some time. This is what I want to thank you for... You didn’t try to change me to something else, if you had it wouldn’t have worked. You just stayed with me as I was. Thank you for being with me. I might be dead otherwise… You saved my life. Just with your actions, words, presence, and patience. Just with your love. Thank you for your time and your love.

i dreaded this anniversary. i was planning to visit him so neither of us would have to experience it alone.
he died last month. he died alone. possibly suicide. i may never know. today is also the one month anniversary of his funeral.
i want to feel grateful to have had another year with him. i just feel like something i put my heart and soul into was ripped away. i feel so lost.

ive been mindfucked since yesterday since i found out the truth about my whole family situation. my 'grandma' isnt even my real grandma. my grandpa fucked my 'grandmas' little sister (my actual real grandma) when they were married and had a child (my mum) so my real grandma has passed away now and i had a pseudo grandma for my whole life
my grandpa then went onto have 6 more kids with my 'grandma'. the thing is my grandparents raised my mum as if she was their own, so my mum is the oldest in the 'family'
i have a large extended family but i always felt like the black sheep. my cousins and aunties/uncles have been my half cousins and half aunties/uncles this whole time. apparently none of my cousins know but all the uncles and aunties know
to give some backstory, my oldest aunty hated my mum and was a nasty bitch to her since adolescence and my mum still detest her till this day. i never got along with my cousins from that aunty, even tho they had a son just 1 year younger than me. i felt like i got the same treatment my mum got from her sister. those cousins (2 girls and 2 boys) would social media stalk me and engage in malicious gossip and spread fucked up rumours about me. and at family gatherings they would make snide comments randomly at me. my mum assumes the reason for the hostility from my aunt towards her is coz she found out she comes from another mum (her aunt)
im 30 years old now and for the last 10 years i barely went to any of the social gatherings, but went to alot of them growing up as a kid and adolescent. my other cousin would also make nasty comments at me randomly when i did attend a gathering. like purposely trying to exclude me from the tribe. even tho they dont know about this secret its like deep down unconsciously they do. some of my uncles would also frequently try to belittle me whenever they saw fit. the aunty that was a bitch to my mum was kinda cold to me too, and it feels kinda 'fake' when i did interact with her
my grandpa passed away last year and my mum eventually found out the truth by confirmations from her uncles/aunties. the twisted thing is my mum had an inkling growing up coz she said my 'grandma' abused her and was very mean to her. she thought that my grandma didnt love her growing up. growing up my 'grandma' was never really that affectionate with me, but she was with my cousins. like cuddling them and doting/kissing so that added the suspicion for my mum. my mum had a cousin that was 9 years older, and she thought it was odd when my 'grandma' never took care of my mum as a baby/kid but her aunty (real grandma) would take care of my mum and be really affectionate
the fucked up thing is my mum confronted my grandpa when she was like 35 (55 years old now) about her suspicion that her aunty is her real mother and my aunts told my grandpa to put my mum in a mental institution coz they didnt want the secret out and he went through with it. so my mum was put into the psychiatric hospital for schizophrenia. they knew it would taint my grandpas image and wanted my cousins to believe in this happy little lie
so i grew up having a 'psychotic mum' but she they just gas lit the fuck out of her. my mum had multiple suicide attempts when i was growing up as a kid/teenger
my mum and her older cousin that knew had a meeting with 1 of my aunties to talk about it after confirmation that it was all true and my aunty just told them to promise not to tell any of the kids (cousins and me/my siblings) so they dont 'taint' the image of grandpa and the drama it could ensue. my mum is obviously going to break that promise and eventually tell my other siblings (im the first to know)
my mum barely ever sees them and doesn't attend any of the gatherings. everything is clicking now why i always felt like an outsider. my other siblings are the same that we dont go to the gatherings except 1 of my sisters since shes gets along with them. but my mum doesnt know if she should tell her the truth
at the funeral 1 of the cousins that was quite cold and nasty to me gave a eulogy, and you know how when u give a eulogy u 'gas' them up (like try to make them seem like such a great person) using phrases like how he was a gentle man etc (she literally said that lol) but the point is theres alot of pretentiousness in this family and i just thought that was amusing
ive met my grandma only twice in my life when i was a teenager and she came to visit and my sisters wedding but i dont remember it. when she passed away 5 years ago in vietnam my mum was the only one to attend the funeral. apparently everyone was shocked how similar my mum looked like her but everyone just said coz shes her niece
a part of me feels sad that ill never get to experience the warmth of my grandma. whats its like to be doted on as a kid. my interactions with my 'grandma' always felt kinda distant. it was actually the same with my grandpa. its like we reminded him of how he betrayed his wife. didnt help that they could barely speak english lol, i wonder how different everything would be if we could actually talk to each other since i cant speak Vietnamese and they never bothered to learn english when they migrated to australia
now looking at some of the family photos and its like a whole new lens has been added. dont know if its a fake smile coming from my 'grandma' or not and i swear i can see the rage and bitterness in her eyes
theres only like 1 cousin that i feel like i have a 'decent' bond with, and most of the others im amicable with. but for the specific family members that treated me harshly for whatever reason it showed me the truth that i was never truly part of the family. the next time i see them i wonder whats its going to feel like since i only just know the truth now. my mum said the aunties are being more distant with her since they now know that my mum also knows the truth
i feel pretty fucked in the head growing up in that family. still deal with mental health issues and poor self esteem and i attribute a lot to growing up with them. not to say there weren't ever any good or fun times but the negative just outweighs the positive by a landslide. i really wonder what life would be like if instead of my grandpa taking care of my mum she stayed back in Vietnam with my grandma and we never knew this family
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just had to rant coz my mind is going haywire about all of this and how everything has played out in my life. i dunno if im just mindfucking myself but everything just makes sense now
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My aunt has passed away leaving everything to charity. Her will was a mirror copy of her husbands will (he wrote them) and were written over 20 years ago. Everything is left to two charities with one named as the executor of the will. We have a good relationship with my aunt and my mother and my siblings and I saw her regularly. We had tried for ages to get her to review her will so that her wishes were in there (they are currently my uncles wishes), she didn’t even know what was in there. We had expected that she would spend all her money on care so it was more about sentimental items and arranging her funeral. I got the will out for her on a recent visit and went through it with her. I know she won’t have updated it though. My question is what do we do now? Are we able to arrange her funeral? Will we be able to keep her ashes? The will says they should be scattered in a specific place. When we went through the will she said she didn’t know why it said that! What about sentimental items my mum would like? I don’t know what rights (if any) we have. I don’t know if we need to do anything.

I found out I was pregnant a month after my uncles funeral, I had expressed to my ex that I didn’t feel like he was there for me that much and didn’t do anything other than just call me to help me through that time. 5 days after I express all of this I find out I’m pregnant and he tells me he doesn’t want it and I should get an abortion. I didn’t want to because I didn’t want to go through another loss/regret.
After like 2 weeks of conversations over text because he wouldn’t call me to even just check how I was, he decided he wanted to cut communication with me because I wouldn’t agree on getting an abortion.
He never checked on me after that, if we spoke I would reach out to say something & I agreed that I would go to the first abortion appointment to see my options a month later. At that appointment I find out the baby’s heart stopped beating and I was having a miscarriage. He took me there as he promised he would support me if I had an abortion and he would take me and I could stay at his house to recover.
I had a hospital apt 2 days later and he said he would come, when I got there I rang and rang for hours, he never answered or turned up. They confirmed my miscarriage and I was devastated but he never came and I was alone. I called him and told him what happened and asked if he could take me to the surgery and he said “I’m doing something” and just stopped responding to my calls that night. I literally cried the entire night and went to the hospital on my own for the surgery to remove the baby. After I came out of surgery, I called him and called, he finally picked up and asked “what did they say” I explained and then he hung up and never called me back or texted me to see if I was okay.
I called him the day after to tell him I was upset by the way he treated me he said “I’m upset over my little miscarriage” “me and my family are not the only people to bury someone” and “the world doesn’t stop when I’m going through something” & when I messaged him saying I felt suicidal while pregnant he told me “I was sending fake suicide messages and he wouldn’t want someone weakminded raising his child” and “I wasn’t going to be the first single mum”. Those words cut be deep and I cried for like a day.
It’s been about 2 days and I reached out to him because I just don’t understand what I’ve done wrong. I was pregnant and confused on what to do and that warrants the abandonment I’ve received. Bear in mind I’m our relationship he spoke about us having kids and our future etc. I don’t know if I should have reached out knowing he may ignore me, but this is very hard for me to heal from. I’m healing from my miscarriage as well as being dumped and literally being treated like I’m nothing, I genuinely don’t think I can recover from this.

Me M29 and her F29 were together for 13yrs has seem to have lost herself in our relationship. We've had some issues along the way but we have mostly had lovely times together. I'm going to be honest and start from the beginning.
We was teenagers when we got together and close pretty quickly. We moved in together at 18yrs and been together ever since. I had some suspicions she cheated on me when we was 18yrs and i finally found out 4 years later and it was evidence she couldn't deny this time and she admitted it.
It seriously damaged me as I had kind of knew she had done and was lying to me making me out to be going crazy for them years I ended up on depression medication, I couldn't sleep as was having the worst of nightmares nearly every night. I lost certain friends and family because they thought I was going crazy and coming across as controlling when in fact I was just worrying and it turned out I was right to have been.
I never controlled her she lived as freely as she wanted to, I never harassed her but would often question things or where she was. Once I found out I had begged her to leave me and get out of my home. She refused to leave she had no where to go and was begging me to not break up.
Some days passed and I didn't forgive her but I gave it another chance not realizing the damage it had caused me and how it would affect my life in the future. I am the more of the initiator in the relationship she is very laid back and takes the back seat in romance, choices and decisions. At this time I gave her another chance out of pure love which some may say I'm stupid but I seriously love this girl with all my heart, life seems unbearable without her.
Once I have her another chance I started to realize the damage it caused me when I couldn't socialize properly, lost my job and struggled to gain the confidence to find another. I avoided family gatherings funerals, outings, and I soon found myself in a hole because I couldn't trust her enough to go out on my own without her but loved her to much to get her removed from my home. She went out to her family gatherings and I never once stopped her doing anything on her own. I had her family and my family and our friends blame me for this as none of them knew anything and thought I was uncaring towards them, controlling and all the rest of it. As I chose to protect her image over mine by hiding the truth of what happened to me.
So over the coming years things got worse for me. I went to the doctors and got put on 3 different types of medication over the years as well as counseling. As I thought I was going crazy but deep down I knew she was lying. The 4 years of lying to my face and watching me deteriorate as a person from her lies, losing our family members and friends respect my sleepless nights and bad dreams, looking me dead in the eye and swearing on anything she could that she was telling the truth damaged me more than the cheating did itself.
I felt like I weren't a good enough man for her or for anyone. Why would she cheat on me I asked myself a lot. She never admitted why to me just said she don't know why. I tried killing myself I didn't want to live I couldn't sleep I lost loads of weight self respect my career and my ambitions everything.
She didn't even try to show she was sorry or try to take control and make me feel special in any way. Even after what she did she never changed a thing. My problems and pain intensifies over the years and I started to lose self respect and my limits and some arguments became toxic to the point we was shouting at each other calling names etc. And because of this I became a very depressed man. And to deal with this over the years I smoked a lot of cannabis and hideaway at home.
During our whole relationship even through the pain and lies I was romantic, affectionate and caring and very thoughtful. Treat her like a princess everyday, gave her the best to everything I ever could from the small things to the big things made sure she came before me.
After a few years of battling my demons and pain and depression things slowly started to get better and I was able to sleep, eat and socialize again not perfect but was getting a lot better. And out of nowhere she became pregnant with our first child. Very unexpected as we used contraception but It changed our lives and we both quit smoking cold turkied on the spot turned out lives around. And I got another job and leanrt to fully trust my partner again and felt like I had meaning to live again once more and things became near enough perfect the day we found out.
Life felt great everything felt normal I stopped worrying completely. Quit smoking and was sleeping and generally felt a lot better in myself and felt like finally forgave her. We ended up with another child and then another one and we ended up with 3 Children. Which our youngest is now a toddler And believe it or not all three of our children were conceived on 3 different types of contraception.
Over a year ago I started running my own business, learned to drive while she was a stay at home mum. I'd leave for work at 06:45 in the morning I came home from work every day at 14:00. The minute I got in I'd take care of the kids, playing with them, collect from school, cooking, cleaning, bathing, nappy changing, absolutely everything 50/50 until they go to bed then I'd help tidy up and wouldn't sit down to myself until around 21:00
I always said to her I wouldn't be able to provide for you all if you didn't spend all day looking after our children while I worked. We shared the money not one thing wasn't both of ours.
A lot of things weren't getting done around the home while I was out working and It didn't bother me most of the time and I don't expect nothing to be done for me and also don't ask for anything to be done for me. But sometimes I'd mention things. She would react badly to this and I'd soon feel bad for saying anything. For example one of our children was sick on the bedroom floor And it hadn't been cleaned up in 2 days. Rooms wouldn't get cleaned for weeks on end until I cleaned them. Clothes built up to a mountain on our bedroom floor until I had enough and done them myself while she would be sat there watching TV in the evening.
We started to argue because of these issues and iv felt like I'm too scared to mention absolutely anything that bothers me or she would just turn and push me to the point I swore or called her a name and that is what it would all then be about and then my original issue wouldnt get spoke about after that point.
And then out of the blue she recently broke up with me at 6 in the morning, claiming we argue too much and she has had enough. Which I think we hardly argued few times a year maybe. And it was never in front of the kids and was only verbal and nasty stuff would get said.
So I spent over a week trying to get her to not break up with me until she said things will be okay let's move home and start a fresh, so I sold my business and prepared to move our family for a fresh start.
Over the next week she has since gone back on her word and gone back and forth saying she never getting back with me to we will sort things. It's been a month now she sleeps downstairs hasn't kissed me since the break up. Iv been in a right state because of this iv felt my heart has been turned inside out multiple times one minute I think it's okay to the next my heart's in my stomach thinking my life's ended.
I'm unsure what to do about it as this family is absolutely everything to me and my boys future really matters to me as I broke up in a split family and hated it. Should I leave her with the children or should I try kick her out or do I do what I want to do and is to keep begging her to sort this out. I'm slowly deteriorating and going mentally numb. I'm losing myself and I don't feel like I'm connected to life anymore and worried I'm going to
Was I wrong for staying with her? Was I right for putting it all behind me for our babies sake when she was pregnant? Was I wrong for mentioning the issues I had with the home? Was I right for selling my business. Am I wrong for wanting to stay and beg for this family to work out of love? I just don't know anymore.

This story starts with me being unemployed and having about $6-7,000 in savings while living with my parents, to getting employed, earning more than I ever had before, and yet being almost never so broke. Him requesting money is done through SMS unless otherwise stated. I don't think I'll be putting a TLDR in, it's sort of a lot regardless.
Why am I telling you this story? There's a strange phenomenon that concealing guilt or shame, or something, isn't good for you. That isn't necessarily what I'm feeling, I am only trying to move on as expediently as I can think of ways to do so. Rather than have my inner circle in the know, as I have had before, I have decided to post into the void.
*Not every transaction is detailed, some are recurring with the most noteworthy ones being bolded in chapter form. There are 82 transactions and this is sort of a long story, so I cut some fluff out by excluding a lot of them. *Note, for all the amounts borrowed and offered to pay back eventually, I repeatedly told them not to worry about it and that I didn't consider them my debtors, this is true to the end of the story, and I will not be seeking financial remuneration. After 4 months of working with nothing to show for it I am simply going to just enjoy knowing that I now get to keep the money I make.
The beginning:
It all started with picking up a tall young man walking by the side of the road in QLD (where I live). The man had been walking for hours in broad daylight and was all sweaty, trying to get to the nearest large rural town some 40 minutes away from where I live, which is also where I was going. We do the usual thing and try to make small talk to break the ice, sharing some personal information like if either of us is studying or working our age difference (which isn't that much, me being slightly older). he told me he was walking to see a mate in town about his car, if his friend had repaired it yet. Because he wasn't sure whether it would be fixed, we made an arrangement that I would also pick him up on my way out of town back home.
So, I do, and we do more small talk to the point of having an actual conversation, he also tells me he has a 2-year-old daughter. This is a significant detail because it is what drives a lot of the sympathy I had for his situation. There is also one thing about that conversation that stands out to me, and that was the impression that this guy was not very good with money because he said he frequently wants to buy something and then wants something else so he sells the first thing he bought to pay for the second, sort of like he couldn't help it or something. I couldn't relate. On the way home together I point out where my place was and drove past to drop him off at his. It was at this point or when I dropped him off in town that I gave him my phone number and said to text me if he needed a ride sometime.
Some days later he texts me asking me to lend him $50 for fuel because his place has no power (I would later learn that his property is not hooked up to the electrical grid and his family uses a generator for power). He wanted me to send it to his PayID number, which is something I had never used before. The next day he and his missus want a ride into town and back to check out a bus(?), he also wanted to borrow $100 which he said he would pay back in a couple of weeks. Before I left town, I got a call from a place I had sent my resume in to and they offered to start me on their employment process, to which I agreed. Yay! They stay in town overnight and made it to a pub, he called me later asking for something like $180+ for drinks and asked me to pick them up the next day, thanked me for funding their (apparently very fun) night out and informed me that the bus is very nice and will be getting delivered to their property in a few days (neither of them had the appropriate license to drive the bus, his father did except he did not come with us and I never met the man). He also asks for $200 to pay off a debt to his brother-in-law, would also pay that back to me as $300 in two weeks.
The next day, near dusk, he asks me for a lift into town to do some grocery shopping at a servo. I show up at his place and his mother wants to tag along, and she has an empty jerry can for fuel to use in the generator. So away we went, for a 90+ minute drive for the third day in a row, except near dark this time. I was beginning to get a little tired of the lack of forward thinking (why didn't you go shopping before I had to pick you up from town yesterday?), but there is so much more to come... I also gave him another $300 that night for some reason and $50 the next day to renew his Spotify subscription.
Two days later he asks me how much I'm actually willing to lend him, I said $500 but pleaded that he has to make it last a while, he agreed. He also informed me that he would now have to pay for the transportation of the bus to the property, and two days later told me that he was $300 short ($800) total to bring it 80kms. That's borrowing nearly $1,000 in two days, he also said this would be the last time he'd borrow.
It's at this point that he asks me what total he owes me, I was getting back to work at the time and told him to check his bank transactions, but I definitely took this as a sign of goodwill that he was keeping track to reimburse me even though I was telling him that he owes me nothing.
The worker's compensation claim:
A couple of days later he asks me for $170 to take his missus out for the night, winds up at the Gold Coast needing $500 for accommodation because he "didn't think things through". Good news is that his missus' car is now registered so I won't have to give them rides anymore, and more good news is that he's getting worker's comp in two weeks to the tune of $3,000 for his hand getting crushed on his last job (he stated this had left him unable to bend 2 or more fingers), he lastly states this money could pay back the $1,650 he owes me (his calculation). Next day $200 for fuel home, then $500, and he asks me to deny him any further transfer. He sends me a picture of the bus, a 1979 Albion Viking. I couldn't find the picture he sent me on Google, so I guess there really was a bus and I really did pay for the pricey transportation of a 55-year-old vehicle that had depreciated to nothing. He said he would send pics when he cleans up the inside, but they never came.
The very next day, he claims my very final $500 transfer did not go through (this may have actually been the case because I transferred the money between accounts for a faster transfer and then to him in less than a minute, so I suppose I just did it too fast or he was lying, but it was definitely gone from the account), to which I said give it a few days. Every day for the next 3 days he would tell me it still hasn't come through.
The nephew:
On day 4 of the final transfer, he stopped telling me it hadn't come through, however he stated that his missus had a nephew (14-15) who was going through some things and was about to be kicked out of his home, needed $200 for fuel to pick him up and bring him back to their place. Okay, well if I can prevent a minor (14-15) from being on the streets by lending a little more, so be it. I went over to physically hand him the money for fuel and he informed me in more detail what was going on, and it sounded believable. A couple days later and he's asking $150 for fuel to return the nephew to his parents, and his missus is requesting $200-$300 for accommodation to stay for a few days to resolve the situation. They stay a few more days down there for a total of about $1,410, spent on food, rent, and trying to calm the boy down.
He also got an update regarding his worker's comp, said it'd be payed out within 6 weeks for approximately $10k, then he asked me for a loan of $1,000 with an interest rate of 40% so I'd get $1,400 back. I, at this point, questioned why in the world would he need a loan of $1,000 after all I'd given him, and his response is... "car" - I asked him to elaborate further and he said there was a car he could buy down there for himself at that price. I informed him that money was actually getting very tight for me despite working now. He didn't get the car. I was also thinking that I would only have to go without having money while still working just until he got his worker's comp, my hope was that I could save and be content knowing his family would be looked after for a while.
I eventually called the bank to ask them if that final* $500 transfer had actually gone through on their end and they said it had, but to trace the transaction would incur a fee of $20, now knowing this and not really wanting to pay it I decided I would triple check if, after all these days, he had gotten that final* transaction: "Yeah, just came through today bro"
Considering this disregard for my time and neglecting to keep me updated on things to be just a quirk of my new friend, not wanting to claim he had been lying, I pressed on in good faith that this could just be water under the bridge.
His missus contacts me and says she needs $290 because she found accommodation for her nephew, and that he had forgot to pack anything including food. Another $100. Then fuel back while the nephew stays at this new place for a week. $70. I had concerns with leaving a minor renting alone so far away and his schooling, but they were met with it was "just for a week" until they could find some place to put him closer to them, their new primary caregivers, that apparently could not be at their house. I was, at this time, under the impression that the nephew was living alone, yet it would later be revealed that he was not.
The tyres:
3 days later after setting the nephew up somewhere close enough to his school, the missus went to visit him and got two tyres slashed, $190 to replace. She goes to the tyre place and is told that all of the tyres need to be replaced otherwise it is not legal, so it's actually $390 for all 4 (I was skeptical about this and was on a work break at the time, still have not looked into the validity of the claim). Some more time passes and general purpose transfers take place. I am informed that the nephew has sorted out an Aus Study payment from Centrelink, but that I would need to transfer $200 for the nephew's necessities until it's actually worked out, and I would no longer need to pay his rent. Cool. At this point in time, I was working but not keeping what I made. I paid board at home, but the rest minus my fuel between work and home is what I refer to as the 'x tax' ('x' being a stand-in for the name of the person who scammed me). The requests would mostly happen around the day I got paid, with a believable frequent expense of fuel for the generator being at least $160 a week, not to mention fuel for their car and the infrequent requests from his mother to "pay back her friends"
Sometime later, the missus got another flat tyre from driving over a piece of metal on the highway, $75 to replace and they managed to get towed to the tyre place (I did inform them that they would have a spare tyre in the back of the car, but they claimed it had already been used "the other day when we had another one slashed"). They got another spare but used that as well.
The funeral:
I get a text at work from the man saying that his grandfather was in palliative care with only one or two weeks left, and that his cousin was requesting he and his mother go down to see him, so he asks me if I can help. I decided I should be setting a weekly limit or something so this new friend doesn't drain my bank account each pay day, so I gave him $100 and let him know that it's a hard limit. 4 days later, he tells me that his grandfather had passed 2 days prior, needed $100 to get down to his funeral. I could only give him $85 and told him I would be unable to fund his return trip, to which he agreed would be fine. 2 days later, after the funeral, he tells me that he and his mother need $200+ to get home, get food & drinks on the way back and that the rest of their family would not help them and that they "have no other way back". Getting tired of the lack of forward thinking in this family's affairs, I reluctantly agreed to save them once again.
5 days later I ask him when he gets his worker's comp payout so I can begin to save up money from work knowing he and his family is taken care of for a while, he tells me "next week hopefully". This was in late March. Queue more travelling and fuel costs to now go and cremate the grandfather as his wishes were for him and his mother to be there when it happens. Now, I thought the funeral had already happened and that was the end of it, but it turns out that was just the funeral service, which is something I was not aware was a thing. Due to this misunderstanding, I was very suspicious at this point and exclaimed in a text "You already had the funeral!" while thinking "you can't bury someone twice, is this evidence you are scamming me?".
They also needed accommodation, except I was so suspicious of this man that I requested he find and tell me the name of the hotel they'll be staying at, just so I can verify that is the actual price per head. Also, his mum blew another tyre, but they happened to be right outside a tyre place... again. He claims to not be having very good luck anyway. A request is made for money to take his missus out for her Birthday. I tell him in a lengthy text I had been working for 2 months with nothing to show for it and that I am much more inclined to assist him only with essential spending like fuel or food, and he claimed to understand that, then stated he would use a bit of the money for a small cheap present anyway. The present turned out to be $200 on layby and he needed another $60 to fully acquire it. I was telling him to tone down his spending to emphasis that he needs to live at or below his own means and that he wouldn't need my help if he had just bought a much cheaper present.
It'd been about 9 weeks since he told me it would take 2 weeks for the worker's comp (which was later changed to 6 weeks) to be paid and I was wondering if he had heard back or followed up. He said he did and that they would "get back to him" about it. So, now that hope I had that this was just a temporary situation wasn't holding up so well. Despite all the money I was giving him he had bills "piling up" and one urgent one was for a storage unit where he claimed to have a shipping container's worth of stuff and the owner was threatening to throw it all out if they didn't pay his 6 weeks overdue fee. Apparently, if he had paid just most of the fee he would get to keep his stuff there, which is what happened.
There was a wedding for his brother-in-law and on the way back he asked me if I could help him buy phone data, except the amount he ended up paying wasn't an option for renewal, it was about $5-$10 off from the options available (this just fueled my suspicion even further that something just wasn't right). Thinking that a scammer wouldn't voluntarily give money back, I tested him by asking him for $40 back when I overpaid him and well, that's where it went to, that mobile plan. When they returned home from the wedding they found that their generator had not been fueled like he reminded his parents to do and so they lost all the food they had in the fridge. I questioned why his parents didn't notice the power had gone out and all of a sudden there was a second generator that was for them(?).
Their landlord had apparently stated he would be requiring $200 in rent a week early because he has bills and rates to pay. He informs me that he hasn't got a proper contract to even be on the property and could be kicked out at any moment and that he "needed to keep his landlord happy". I couldn't help him pay that much (nor did I really want to give in to his landlord's outrageous demand) so I sent him a link to QSTARS where he could learn his tenancy rights, except it was Saturday which means he wouldn't be able to call them. Then I suggested that he may be able to get a faster response over the weekend to his situation by making a Reddit account (he asked me what that was) and posting on the shitrentals sub.
A few days later he tells me he has been posting there and learning some things, meanwhile I had been intentionally avoiding the sub so as not to invade his personal privacy, however some days go by and I am suuuuper suspicious by this point I look around for some thread or comment relating to his situation in the timeframe it would have been possible for him to make one. I figured if the situation was so urgent that he would at least try to seek advice over the weekend, but I didn't see any evidence of that, he also never told me if he called the tenant's advisory and I never heard anything about his rental situation again.
6 Days from when he refreshed his mobile data, he had apparently used the 30GB limit. I was astounded at this and knew it was going to continue to be my problem if I didn't find this man a better subscription plan with his provider, so I did, for $10 more he could double his data. Only, I told him that he could have the 6-month plan for more money if he wasn't going to use so much data and because it would have been cheaper for me in the long run too, he agreed. I also thought that if he were really scamming me he would choose the option that makes me transfer more money, which is what happened. I guess that's test #2.
The ending:
Which brings me to today. The nephew was brought back into the story because he had apparently been kicked out of his mates place he was staying at(?) and they needed fuel to go and get him. Kicked out of 2 places? Okay. So I do the transfer and I decided that the only way I could subtly (that is, without compromising friendship or alerting this man that I don't trust him) find out the truth is to visit him face-to-face much further up his property. I wanted to confirm if A: the nephew was real or not B: if there was really a bus and C: if there was a second generator. The best way to do this, I thought, was to just show up and not ask if I could come over because if he was lying about the nephew's existence he would probably say a lot of things to make sure I'd not be able to visit him while the nephew is there. I bring a 6-pack to his gate and realise that he isn't home. Okay. I go home but there's a request in my phone for money for school uniforms and supplies for the nephew to transfer to a local school that I'm intentionally ignoring.
Queue the next day and I get prepared to go again, but I get a text saying that they're out again in town, still waiting for me to transfer money for these school supplies. I had done a bit of research and found that it was either unlikely or impossible for a student to transfer schools within one or two days, or to start in the middle of a term, so I felt pretty confident that this was a situation that didn't need addressing urgently. Also, remember when the nephew sorted something with Centrelink to get Aus Study payments, the one where I no longer had to pay some or all of his rent? Well, that was no longer the case. now he is too young to get them, casually forgotten about maybe? Oh yeah, and he had to start school that day. Anyway, I tell the man that it may be possible to get a uniform from the school's uniform storeroom as that is an option for families with financial difficulty, he says that due to Covid they are out of them and that they tried that already...
Right, so now I ask him how the nephew got kicked out (not important), I just wanted to know if it was planned or sudden, if there was enough time to start the process of transferring from his current school to the local one in town. There wasn't! SO, I called him out, told him what he was saying wasn't possible and that his story sounded like a scheme to get money out of me. I asked him for an easy proof, simply take a picture of yourself with the nephew in the car to prove he's real. He denied trying to scam me and said the nephew and the missus are in the school trying to resolve the situation and that he couldn't take the picture. Instead, he sent me a different picture on Facebook of him and his mates being pulled over for something by the police(?) which he claimed just happened before. I could barely identify anyone in that photo, but it looked like he was the one driving the car(?). I said that I've given him too many passes and the benefit of the doubt, but not this time and that whenever he wants to provide a picture with his nephew, like when he simply comes out of the school(?), to send it my way. Somewhat quickly they got out of the school and the excuse for not taking a picture became "We are driving in the car now"
He says that the picture before is the only one he's got, I said take another when you can, then he goes on about this being the last time he needs fuel money and to do it and then he'll send the picture. I told him no transfer would be happening and I would be blocking his number in a few hours if he doesn't do it (I really do like to give people the benefit of the doubt, it's almost certainly what has led to this going on for so long). He sends me another picture on Facebook except this time it's him upfront (passenger side), his missus behind him, and a child in the backseat.
This photo looked a lot more like what I was asking for, except neither him nor his missus looked the slightest bit worried about losing my charity and the child in the back didn't look 14-15 like the nephew is supposed to be aged. Rejecting this photo for these reasons and stating it was an old photo he had, he kept asking for fuel money just so he would be able to get home and so I told him that if he asks again, I would be blocking his number. I also told him his lack of forward thinking does not constitute an emergency for me and that there are at least 4 adults in his household and surely someone has thought that if they left to go to town, that they would be able to return home. He said that if I didn't provide the fuel money, they would be stuck. I said if his mum (the driver) had to pull over anyway, it would be a good time to take that picture (which I changed to him standing outside the car with his nephew).
He said providing another photo wouldn't do any good as he claims the two he sent were proof enough... the first one really isn't related to the second, it's strange he thought that would constitute the proof I was requesting, really it just raises further questions for me... and that's about when I block his number (after previously blocking him on Facebook).

Asking for a friend. His mother is in a Sydney nursing home. She was diagnosed with dementia before documents for an enduring power of attorney could be completed.
My friend uses her bank card to withdraw money from the account to meet his mother's needs. It's not like some form of elder abuse, there's around $10,000 in her account at the moment and before the nursing home, this man looked after his mum in her own home for several years. Every now and then -- typically when he's made a larger withdrawal from her account -- the bank demands proof of identity, and as she does not have a driver's licence and as her passport expired three years ago, the only way is to get her out of her bed, and take her to the bank -- otherwise, the bank freezes the account and she can't can't get any money at all. The situation sucks: he's already had an operation for a hernia he developed lifting her so that may not be an option in future.
My question is what happens when she passes away? The family don't have money, and will probably need some for funeral arrangements and etc.

TLDR uBPD Mum wrote her twin daughters a birthday poem but sent it twelve days late, full of innacuracies and with a request to visit one of them. The request is for a fictional exhibition in a specific date range. She forwarded her original message to the other twin without to editing out the visit request or making an attempt to cover the fact it was written for the first twin and sent to the other as an after thought.
Context A birthday poem sent to me an hour after it was sent to my twin sister. It was also 12 days after our actual birthday, neither of us heard from uBPD mum on the day (I've asked her not to contact me but she thinks that my sister & I are 1 entity so even though my sister is still in contact with her, mum treats her like she is not). My sister (Twin1) trained in fine art in the city she now works in. She is not currently making art so has no idea what exhibition uBPD mum refers to in the poem. I have marked lies/inaccuracies with an * I've asterisked the line about being a proud mum and gran because if she was so proud, why does she make no mention of wanting to see her 2 grand sons on this trip to the city to see my sister at her exhibition? She hasn't seen her grandsons in at least a year despite visiting near by their city in our small country twice last year. She didn't even tell my sister she was in the area until my sister phoned to wish uBPD mum happy birthday on her birthday February this year.
Poem
Twin1 and Twin2 38 today * That's just not possible no way Where has the time gone Times flies sadly that's so true Doesn't seem that long ago when Myself and Twin2 went to the zoo.
You were and are my sunshine of Hometown on Gala My beautiful twin daughters living in bonnie Hometown Bay A prouder mum I could not be how you both excelled and now you both have your own family You get to experience the love and joy like I had and still have as I reflect on my wonderful family tree When you hurried home excitedly to show all the things you had lovingly made for me
You were always caring and sharing Even at such a young age so helpful too. Remember girls I was on the phone to uBPD Gran When you flushed Twin2 nappy down the loo I was panic stricken and mortified when the neighbour below said it had flooded her too.
I loved my plants* .it was a not easy to maintain with two Mischieves monkeys who tipped them upside down . It was funny but I also did frown Before you knew it we were back to laughing and getting along Happy again and full of song
Love shack was your favourite tune I loved that song too you could sing it to the moon Love shack baby love shack Oh to hear you sing that song would bring It all right back
The time we all got such a fright Twin 1 When you accidentally bumped into a light Well lamp post * Out of the three of us who was startled the most?
You were fine ,you got a war wound scar Was it the left or right side I can't remember I think it was your right eye It was so long ago at the time you were very shy
Twin 2 walked into a gate * I was dumstruck only seconds too late* You got a scar on your eyes too By then I was beside myself and did not know what to do !
Almost in the space of a year You each have a scar by your eye Which side they are on your eye is unclear Now you parents yourself you know what I mean How quickly things can happen Even when your close by to the scene
Bless the wee lady above is in Hometown She used to shout girls you whoo seconds later it was raining milkyways all over you I could only chuckle when I realised I too Along with uBPD dister we went to our neighbour for our daily rations of sweeties too * And to this day I believe my mum never knew.
Remember when you got up early and Oh my you got hold of the butter I think I was in a flutter Butter in the rods of the Wendy house it was everywhere If I recall righghtly it was in your hair.
You used to trick people switching places * Sometimes you did trip up on your laces You tried to fool me but that was not so easy * However tricking your pals and strangers was easy peasy.*
The things you have done this uBPD Mum and gran could not be more proud of you You won a camera for your ambulance picture Twin2 you designed the school logo in highschool too Is there no end to your talents You both excelled and followed your career Which I never regretted not being able to As th minute I knew I was expecting I always prioritised you* and am a proud mum of twins with 5 wonderful grandchildren too*
The trips we went to beech and picnics with aunt The endless pictures are wonderful memories of happy times with you I still have her special multi coloured umbrella Where we often seemed shelter under it too
So many more memories this is some of them I just want to ask you Twin 1 can I come with my friend M or F and see your exhibition* city between 23 rd and 29 th Sept I love seeing all that you can do and have done
Your pictures in the cafe The story about wellies and where they travelled from faraway I believe it was Canada And you made a wellington cast Now it's a focal point for tourists and everyone to see.*
I often look at the screen you both made me made before I moved country All the gifts over the years cards and mementos each one speaks words to me When you gave me the picture and chair for my birthday .
That incredible exhibition in the gallery when you made a clear curtain and even there there is a story
I understand if you say no don't come .I hope and pray one day we will all Be together again surrounded by my family.Until that joyous day comes remember I carry love in my heart for you all eternally❤️

I am truly lost
I (M) was born in an abusive household, yet they are still somehow together. From my earliest memories my parents have been fighting, and throwing things at each other.
Towards me, mum has been emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive. Aside from the beatings (which went on till my late teens), up until I was about 6, she used to waterboard me. Used to strip me naked, record me on camera and humiliate me in front of family and friends, after I started school, thus evolved to making up lies and stories to humiliate me in front of others, sometimes behind my back. She had no problem letting me know i was a mistake. I dont recall ever receiving any affection from her.
Dad, was physical. I dont remember a day that he didn't beat me until I reached highschool.
We had a neighbour (M) whos house had become my safe place. I used to go to his house for about an hour two pretty much every day when I was 10. When I was about 11, he sexually assaulted me and blackmailed to going back to him every day. That went on till I was 15. I never felt safe with my parents to let them know what was happening.
I moved out of my parents when I was 20 (10 years ago), webt to a different country, and never looked back. I have been struggling financially, academically, career wise, in friendships, and in relationships. I have so much trauma, anxiety, trust issues, and other mental health problems that I'm not able to have any relationship. And what ever I has in savings has gone to therapists that I can't afford them anymore.
For the past 3 years most people from my old life have been telling me that my parents miss me a lot, and I should go back to see them.
Over the past year mum has gotten sick, and dad asked me to go visit them. Having lost my job, and having nothing to do, I agreed, at dads expense.
I didn't want to see both of them at once, so we agreed to meet dad at the largest city near where they live (3hrs away from their house), spend a few days there, and then drive out to where they live.
Today, dad and I met, and talked about why I haven't seen them in 10 years. It was one of the most difficult conversations I've ever had. He basically told me that his dad had told him not to treat me like he did, but he never listened until it was too late. Said in years that followed, he regretted his actions to the point that he bashed his own head to the wall so hard that he broke his skull. It was a very emotional moment for both of us. And implied that he had gone through the same situation as I when he was younger, but never got to talk to his dad like we just did. (His dad passed away over 20 years ago)
It was really tough to hear that he had experienced what I had. And even tougher to learn that even though he had a rough childhood, he still chose to beat the living daylight out of me everyday.
I also learnt that mums still at it, creating rumours and lies behind my back. Berates and tells humiliating things behind my back to my siblings and her friends.
I am currently laying in bed, thinking about the whole day, and strongly considering cancelling the trip and fly right back home 18 hours away from these people. I genuinly do not want to see mum, even if it's the last chance I'll have to see her. The only thing I feel I'd regret is to miss telling everyone what an evil POS she was at her funeral.
I feel much worse than I did before I arrived this morning. I feel more alone and isolated than I ever did before. I feel more broken than ever before.
All I can think of is why did I agree to come here, how am I going to get new job, how am I going to pay rent and bills, and I can't help but to feel terrible about my baggage not allowing me to form friendships and relationship
Im lost and my mind is going to hundreds different ways

I (M) was born in an abusive household, yet they are still somehow together. From my earliest memories my parents have been fighting, and throwing things at each other.
Towards me, mum has been emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive. Aside from the beatings (which went on till my late teens), up until I was about 6, she used to waterboard me. Used to strip me naked, record me on camera and humiliate me in front of family and friends, after I started school, thus evolved to making up lies and stories to humiliate me in front of others, sometimes behind my back. She had no problem letting me know i was a mistake. I dont recall ever receiving any affection from her.
Dad, was physical. I dont remember a day that he didn't beat me until I reached highschool.
We had a neighbour (M) whos house had become my safe place. I used to go to his house for about an hour two pretty much every day when I was 10. When I was about 11, he sexually assaulted me and blackmailed to going back to him every day. That went on till I was 15. I never felt safe with my parents to let them know what was happening.
I moved out of my parents when I was 20 (10 years ago), webt to a different country, and never looked back. I have been struggling financially, academically, career wise, in friendships, and in relationships. I have so much trauma, anxiety, trust issues, and other mental health problems that I'm not able to have any relationship. And what ever I has in savings has gone to therapists that I can't afford them anymore.
For the past 3 years most people from my old life have been telling me that my parents miss me a lot, and I should go back to see them.
Over the past year mum has gotten sick, and dad asked me to go visit them. Having lost my job, and having nothing to do, I agreed, at dads expense.
I didn't want to see both of them at once, so we agreed to meet dad at the largest city near where they live (3hrs away from their house), spend a few days there, and then drive out to where they live.
Today, dad and I met, and talked about why I haven't seen them in 10 years. It was one of the most difficult conversations I've ever had. He basically told me that his dad had told him not to treat me like he did, but he never listened until it was too late. Said in years that followed, he regretted his actions to the point that he bashed his own head to the wall so hard that he broke his skull. It was a very emotional moment for both of us. And implied that he had gone through the same situation as I when he was younger, but never got to talk to his dad like we just did. (His dad passed away over 20 years ago)
It was really tough to hear that he had experienced what I had. And even tougher to learn that even though he had a rough childhood, he still chose to beat the living daylight out of me everyday.
I also learnt that mums still at it, creating rumours and lies behind my back. Berates and tells humiliating things behind my back to my siblings and her friends.
I am currently laying in bed, thinking about the whole day, and strongly considering cancelling the trip and fly right back home 18 hours away from these people. I genuinly do not want to see mum, even if it's the last chance I'll have to see her. The only thing I feel I'd regret is to miss telling everyone what an evil POS she was at her funeral.
I feel much worse than I did before I arrived this morning. I feel more alone and isolated than I ever did before. I feel more broken than ever before.
All I can think of is why did I agree to come here, how am I going to get new job, how am I going to pay rent and bills, and I can't help but to feel terrible about my baggage not allowing me to form friendships and relationship
Im lost and my mind is going to hundreds different ways

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