I was familiar with the town about 15 years ago, but hadn't visited since then. Currently I live in San Francisco. My visit lasted for twelve days and I stayed at an AirBnb in the Bayview neighborhood.
Here is my unsolicited two cents:

• Overall it's a great town. I think the fact that it flies a little under the radar is actually an advantage in some ways.
• The weather was...interesting. I had alternating days of pleasant and warm, mixed with cold, grey, and windy. The thunderstorms were great.
• The drive across the Hoan bridge is beautiful.
• I spent time in the East Side, Bayview, 'Tosa, Riverwest, Third Ward, and Walkers Point. My favorite of the neighborhoods was probably Riverwest.
• Bars visited: Club Garibaldi, Burnhearts, Sugar Maple, Sabbatic, Mothership, Cafe Centro, The Uptowner, Linneman's, Black Husky Brewing. My favorite was probably the Uptowner.
• I had coffee/breakfast at Collectivo (Bayview and Lakefront), Hifi Cafe, Interval Cafe, Roshambo, and Discourse Coffee. Favorite: Roshambo
• We tried pizza at Zafiro's, Ballistreri's, Francisco's, Tenuta's, Calderone Club, and Rocky Rococo. Favorite: Balistreri's, but it's a tough decision.
• Other places visited: Saint Kate's Art Hotel, Nessun Dorma, Milwaukee Public Market, The Smokehouse, Small Pie, and Tupelo Honey.
• The only real disappointments out of everything were Small Pie, Tupelo Honey, Art Bar, and Corazon.

On the list for the next visit is more live music, and a few more pizza places (Maria's, Ned's and Caradero).

For context, I have anxiety, ADD, & have been dealing w/ a health issue (which I’m leaving undisclosed) for the past 2 1/2 months, so naturally, my health anxiety has been through the roof.
I woke up & got ready for my day as usual w/ no distractions, but then my anxiety took over. The weather has been AWFUL all week where I live so of course that helped set the mood. I’m also on summer break & had the day off from work while my parents & siblings were at either work or school, so I was home alone all day. From 8-9:45am I was either pacing the house unable to control my breathing, or sitting & staring at the wall crying my eyes out. I picked myself back up & made breakfast while I watched TV.
By this point it’s quarter to 11 & I planned to finish a season for a show, but my nonexistent attention span got the best of me & I doom scroll on my phone for almost an hour. I end of getting to my show but later pause it so I can work out. By this point it’s 1pm. Halfway through my workout I take a breather, but a quick thought ends up distracting me & I then pace around my room for 15 minutes in a tearful frenzy for no reason. Again. I regain composure, finish my workout, & shower. It’s now 2:30.
I go downstairs to make a late lunch where I was going to use the oven. I smelled burning from the oven & in a complete panic over possibly setting off the smoke detector, I shut the oven off, open all of the windows & doors, & have a full blown panic attack.
I called my Mom completely defeated. Nobody was home & I felt so isolated. It was so cloudy & gloomy outside that all of the rooms were dim, even w/ all of the lights on. In the blink of an eye the whole day got away from me & I felt so useless as if I haven’t done anything all day, even though I really tried to be proactive. The setting & mood for both my house & the outdoors felt like a blank void where time didn’t matter. It was as if I was stuck in limbo for the entirety of the day. I felt so pathetic having a breakdown over the phone w/ my Mom even though I’m almost 20. She consoled me & gave me a very gentle pep talk, which fortunately assured me.
I ate my lunch & drank some tea while I threw on a show I enjoy. I reminded myself that it’s not too late to turn my day around. By 3:15 I left the house for the first time all day, went thrift shopping, & grabbed some boba. I’m now home & it’s 5pm. I’ve just been lounging on my bed for the last hour or so. My hair is a frizzy mess from the weather, I’m dressed in grey sweats, I’m broken out all over my face bc I’m due for my time of the month soon, & my eyes are red & puffy from crying all day.
I’m gonna dress cute later & head out w/ my family to see my sibling perform in a school concert. I’m gonna finish that season of my show, & get ready for work tomorrow. I had a very off day, but everyone will have them sometimes. The day went too fast for my mind to handle, but at least it didn’t drag. The weather here should clear up by Sunday or Monday. I need to learn to let go of bad days & not let my obsession w/ structured routines get the best of me. Every day is going to look different, & it’s certainly not good to be busy every day of the week to the point of being overworked.
I can’t guarantee myself that tomorrow will be better, but there is always tomorrow. My health issue will eventually go away. I’ll be happy again. I have family & friends to reach out to if I’m having a hard time. My life is filled w/ blessings. My mind is always drawn to the brightest side of life. Happiness & joy are meant to fill every part of me. I’m healthy. I’m loved. Bad feelings are only temporary. I’m safe. I’ve done this before so I can do it again. I’m capable. I take things one step at a time. I inhale peace & exhale worry. I choose to feel good.
Tomorrow’s a new day.

As the title says, I keep getting random crashes with "Exception C0000005 caught!" in the crashlog. I tried uninstalling NVHR and it solved the problem for a while, I already downloaded the last JIP beta in the xNVSE discord but it keeps happening and it appears to be random, because sometimes I can play like for an hour or longer but other times it crashes after five minutes or so, the last one happened fifteen minutes after I opened the game. Here is my loadorder:

1. FalloutNV.esm
2. DeadMoney.esm
3. HonestHearts.esm
4. OldWorldBlues.esm
5. LonesomeRoad.esm
6. GunRunnersArsenal.esm
7. Fallout3.esm
8. Anchorage.esm
9. ThePitt.esm
10. BrokenSteel.esm
11. PointLookout.esm
12. Zeta.esm
13. CaravanPack.esm
14. ClassicPack.esm
15. MercenaryPack.esm
16. TribalPack.esm
17. TaleOfTwoWastelands.esm
18. YUPTTW.esm
19. NavmeshOverhaul.esm
20. TTW Ultimate Invisible Wall Remover.esm
21. FO3_Optimization.esm
22. Main And Pause Menus Overhaul.esm
23. TweaksTTW.esm
24. Tale of Bi Wastelands.esm
25. TTW Reputations.esm
26. Tale of Bi Wastelands + TTW Reputations Patch.esm
27. TTW New Vegas Speech Checks.esm
28. TTW New Vegas Speech Checks - TTW Reputations Patch.esm
29. Tale of Bi Wastelands + TTW NV Speech Checks Patch.esm
30. Functional Post Game Ending.esm
31. Functional Post Game Ending - TTW Patch.esm
32. TLD_Travelers.esm
33. A Trail of Crumbs.esm
34. Regulators.esm
35. Uncut Wasteland.esp
36. Uncut Extra Collection.esp
37. Functional Post Game Ending - Uncut Wasteland And Extra Collection Patch.esm
38. AWorldOfPainFO3.esm
39. Sweet Pain.esm
40. A World of Pain Revised.esm
41. Sweet Pain NV.esm
42. MoreMojave.esm
43. Home and Safehouse Tweaks.esm
44. Home and Safehouse Tweaks - TTW Addon.esm
45. Lootable Statics.esm
46. zl_Armaments_Remastered.esm
47. Tammer's NIF-Bashed Weapons Mega-Pack.esm
48. [RWM]-Complete.esm
49. mil.esp
50. mil-TTWPlacements.esp
51. mil_Add-On.esp
52. Tactapack.esp
53. SD_Transporters.esp
54. Pl DOCTORS.esp
55. CFEE.esp
56. CFEE - TTW.esp
57. drgNV - Melissa Companion.esm
58. IFoundThoseWhoCare.esp
59. The Mod Configuration Menu.esp
60. TLD LVLI Total Overhaul.esp
61. TTW FaceGen Fix.esp
62. Vanilla UI Plus.esp
63. Power Armor Holo Panel.esp
64. PAHP_Edits.esp
65. PipBoyUITweaks.esp
66. ExRB-TTW.esp
67. FOVSlider.esp
68. ItemCards.esp
69. 3DGrenadeIndicator.esp
70. QuickSelect.esp
71. SimpleNightVision.esp
72. Immersive Minigames.esp
73. NVCollectiblesMerged.esp
74. TTWCollectiblesMerged.esp
75. [RWM]-Complete Added.esp
76. Casino Exchange All.esp
77. DelayDLCRedux.esp
78. Root 'n Loot.esp
79. JIP Companions Command & Control.esp
80. JustAssortedMods.esp
81. JBTImproved.esp
82. ImmersiveRecoil.esp
83. Reload Reloaded.esp
84. DynamicDetectionSystem.esp
85. TTWZetaRewards.esp
86. TTWTransportalponderEx.esp
87. Supplemental Ammo Crafting.esp
88. Benny Humbles You and Steals Your Stuff.esp
89. GRA Scavenger Hunt Unbalanced.esp
90. GUWR - TTW Patch.esp
91. DelayDLCReduxPOPP.esp
92. SP TTW Patch.esp
93. MoreMojave - FPGE Patch.esp
94. TTW No PipBoy Glove Equipping or Race Changes.esp
95. MigArmorDegen.esp
96. MigCrippled.esp
97. New Blood.esp
98. S6S Base Game Perks Redux.esp
99. S6S Base Game Perks Redux TTW Side.esp
100. S6S Perks.esp
101. Friends With Benefits Perk Pack.esp
102. Vegas Elysium.esp
103. ImmersiveSleepEncounters.esp
104. Unmissable Casino Rewards.esp
105. RAD.esp
106. New Blood TTW Patch.esp
107. Classic Fallout Weapons Remastered v1.2.esp
108. FNV+LR Flare Gun to 12Ga Flare Conversion.esp
109. Tammer's KNVSE Mega Patch.esp
110. Sweet Consumables.esp
111. Aid Addon.esp
112. Healing Systems.esp
113. Unfound Loot.esp
114. WeaponRequirementSystem.esp
115. B42Inertia.esp
116. PurchaseDisplay.esp
117. Quickthrow.esp
118. QuickthrowTweaks.esp
119. Simple Explosive Entry.esp
120. Simple Explosive Entry Tweaks (Easy Pete).esp
121. Forced Entry.esp
122. TTW Dialogue and Interactions Expansion Overhaul.esp
123. DIEO - Tale of Bi Wastelands Patch.esp
124. DIEO - AWOPFO3 Patch.esp
125. TTW A Tribe of Two.esp
126. DLC Followers All-In-One.esp
127. TiesThatBind.esp
128. CFEE - TTW Both ED-E Perks.esp
129. CFEE - No Companion Limit.esp
130. CFEE - DLC Companions AIO.esp
131. CCO - Ulysses Companion.esp
132. CFEE - Amanda TTW.esp
133. CFEE - Ties That Bind - Dad Expansion.esp
134. BennyReturns.esp
135. drgNV - Marcus Companion.esp
136. TheAIMerge.esp
137. IRNPC.esp
138. AintThatAScarInTheHead.esp
139. TTW Pitt Rot.esp
140. RadiationVisuals.esp
141. Impostors and LOD Flicker Fix.esp
142. NVMIM.esp
143. Enhanced Movement.esp
144. ArmedToTheTeethNV-Redux.esp
145. Titans of The New West.esp
146. STAR TTW 2.esp
147. More Perks v3.esp
148. Dead Money - Elijah's Rambling Last Words.esp
149. Dynamic Terrifying Presence.esp
150. Atmospheric Lighting Tweaks TTW.esp
151. Natural Interior.esp
152. DNWeathers.esp
153. Interior Rain.esp
154. Interior Rain - TTW.esp
155. CC - Rain.esp
156. CC - 3D Rain.esp
157. LOD additions and improvements - TTW Patch.esp
158. Viva New Vegas - LOD.esp
159. Diagonal movement.esp
160. S6S Big Guns Implementation.esp
161. SimpleHairs.esp
162. SimpleHairs - Color.esp
163. Mutant Eyes.esp

Here's the modlist:
+Character Kit Remake - Teeth
+Uncut Wasteland Extra Collection CKR Patch
+Uncut Wasteland CKR Patch
+Sweet Pain DC CKR Patch
+TTW A World of Pain for Fallout 3 CKR patch
+Transporters - Immersive Fast Travel CKR Patch
+The Living Desert CKR patch
+Sweet Pain NV CKR Patch
+AWOPR CKR Patch
+MoreMojave CKR Patch
+FPGE CKR Patch
+Character Kit Remake TTW Facegen
+Character Kit Remake
+JIP_LN_NVSE_Plugin
+Wasteland Eyes - Mutant Eyes Lite
+Mutant Eyes
+Female eyes clipping FIX
+Shotgun Buffs
+Dynamic Terrifying Presence NVSE
+NV Collectibles - Merged
+Dead Money - Elijah's Rambling Last Words
+Pre-War Money Retexture
+Natural eyes by zzjay
+Hair Patcher Two ESPLess
+Simple Hairs - New Vegas
+S6S Perks Patches
+S6S Perks and Tammer Weapon Pack Compatiblity Patch
+dree74 More Perks Upscaled (and Regular-ified Art pack)
+More Perks Reimagined
+S6S Big Guns Implementation
+TTW Extra Special Love Tester
+(Unbalanced - Overpowered) Sweet Perk Overhaul
+FO4-style SPECIAL plus Infinite Intense Training - ESPless
+NV Compatibility Skeleton
+Diagonal movement
+TTW LOD
+TTW Ain't That A Scar In The Head
+TTW Pitt Rot
+I Found Those Who Care - New Ending for Veronica (TTW)
+A Tiny Perk Styled Pack (an add on for JIP - CCC)
+JIP CCC Perk Styled Collection
+Perk Style CCC Icons Modded Companions
+Perk Styled CCC Icons
+Marcus Patch
+Ulysses Patch
+Benny Returns Patch
+Melissa Patch
+DLC Companions AIO Patch
+Ties That Bind - Dad Expansion
+Ties That Bind Patch
+No Companion Limit
+ED-E Both Perks
+CFEE - A Complete Companion Overhaul
+Marcus Companion
+Ulysses Companion Mod
+Benny Returns
+Melissa Lewis Companion
+DLC Companions - All-In-One
+Ties that Bind - TTW Conversion
+Ties that Bind - a narrative companion mod
+A Tribe of Two
+Armed to the Teeth - Redux
+STARS TOTNW Patch
+PAVE TOTNW PatchTitans of Steel Version
+Tesla Armor Mods x consistent pip-boy icons - Classic Tesla Armor Icons
+TTW Goodies
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Dynamicon
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Stats (and Some Perks)
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Reputation
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Addendumb
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Vault Girl Extension
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Extension
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - DLC's Items
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Apparel
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Weapons
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Items
+3. CPI - Mod Patches
+1. Consistent Pip-boy Icons
+Map Marker Icons
+Pop-Up Message Icons
+Consistent Pip-Boy Icons v5 - Framework Plugin
+PipBoyOn Node Fixes
+STARS TTW - Sweet's Total Armor Rework System
+Classic Lightweight Leather Armor Replacer
+Classic Leather Armor Replacer for Leather Armor
+Salvaged Armor
+Modern Gunslinger Armor
+Bone Harvester - Tribal Cannibal
+Wasteland Stealth Armor NV
+The Road Warrior Armor
+Psycho Armor and Mask
+Metal Armor MkI
+WW2 M1 Helmets
+AKIRAMORI Tactical Gloves
+Altyn Helmet - Retro Tactical Headgear
+Wasteland Seeker Armor
+Geonox Riot Armor - Female Version -
+Geonox Riot Armor
+KORs Pistol Harness
+Fallout Tactics Brotherhood Metal Armor Integration
+Classic Tesla Armor
+Mercenary Wanderer
+Searchlight Firefighter Outfit
+Fallout Revelation Blues Mega Armor Pack
+Fallout The Odyssey Mega Armor Pack
+Arsthetiu's Armoire - A Nif-Bashed Armour Collection
+Classic Fallout Tesla armor
+DVA - Distributed Variety Armors - Hats Headgears Accessories
+Petal Gasmask
+Canvas Backpacks - FNV - TTW
+Waster Gear - TTW - FNV
+The Lone Wanderer - TTW and NV
+NCR Commando
+GP-5 Gasmask
+Courier Duster Replacer
+Ballistic Skull Mask
+Tribal Power Helmet - Definitive Edition
+Classic Combat Armor Replacer Combined (TTW)
+Classic Replacers for TTW
+Classic Combat Armor Replacer Redux
+Classic Fallout 2 combat armor Mark 2 (remastered)
+Classic Fallout 2 Metal armor Mk II
+Classic Fallout Metal Armor
+Veronica Outfit Replacer
+Unique Troublemaker Outfit-Nightstalker Set
+DogTooth Enclave Officer
+The BLACKJACK pack - Tons of armors for VANILLA bodys
+Power Armor Visual Enhancement (PAVE)
+Deus Specs
+Spice of Life
+Tammer's NIF-Bashed Armor Mega-Pack v4.2
+Book of Steel - Compatibility Edition
+nov 2011 book of steel
+Wasteland Soldier Redux NV
+Wasteland Soldier - NV Edition
+No PipBoy in Power Armor
+Simple Headshots
+SIDE - Simple Items Distributed Everywhere
+Immersive Recoil NPC
+Simple Explosive Entry Tweaks
+Simple Explosive Entry
+Immersive Sleeping Encounters
+Forced Entry
+Sweet Keywords
+Camping - ESPless
+Bottle the Water
+Unmissable Casino Rewards
+TTW Collectibles - Merged
+SMAC - Simple Melee Attack Canceling
+Simply Less Junk. esp-less
+Purchase Items on Display (xNVSE)
+Point Lookout Doctors TTW
+Movable Statics replaced with Lootable versions - ESPless
+Lootable Statics Compatibility Edition - Base Object Swapper
+Base Object Swapper
+Hardcore Forever
+Cookable Grenades
+Benny Fighting Chance
+B42 Quickthrow Perks
+B42 Quickthrow - an alternative grenade hotkey mod
+B42 Optics TTW Patches
+B42 Optics NV Patches
+Tactapack - B42 Optics Patch
+Classic Fallout Weapons Remastered B42 Optics Patch
+Another Millenia and Addon - B42 Optics Patch
+B42 Optics - ESPless
+Desert Natural Weathers - NV - TTW
+Climate Control - 3D Rain
+Climate Control - Rain
+3D Rain
+Interior Rain - TTW
+Interior Rain
+Longer Weather Transitions ESPless
+Natural Interiors
+Atmospheric Lighting Tweaks (Interior Lighting for FNV and TTW)
+Iron Sights Aligned - Mod Support
+Iron Sights Aligned
+Wasteland Warrior - A Melee Animation Overhaul
+Butcher Pete Complete - A Melee Animation Overhaul
+New Vegas Animation Overhaul Guns
+Anniversary Anim Pack
+B42 Weapon Inertia
+ISControl
+3rd Person Animation Fixpack
+VNV - LOD Patches
+LOD additions and improvements - TTW Patch
+Wasted LOD - Cliffs of DC
+LODIFY FNV Wall_SoGB Editon
+LODIFY - Level of detail improvement for your Fallout (TTW And NV Lods)
+Different LOD mods little tweaks and additions
+Wasted LOD - Cliffs of Mojave
+More LODs Additions and fixes
+TCM's LOD Overhaul
+Optional Overpasses
+FNV LOD Supplementation
+LOD additions and improvements
+Much Needed LOD fixed rocks color
+Much Needed LOD
+LOD Fixes and Improvements - NVSE
+Impostors and LOD Flicker Fix
+Mobile Pip-Boy Light - NVSE
+Mainframes Litter Flickering Fix
+Fallout 3 TTW Interior Optimization Project
+ExRB - Extended Roombounds
+Items Transformed - Enhanced Meshes (ITEM)
+Meshes and Collision - Totally Enhanced Nifs (MAC-TEN)
+New Vegas Mesh Improvement Mod - NVMIM
+Collision Meshes FNV
+Collision Meshes FO3
+TTW Ultimate Invisible Wall Remover
+Improved AI (Navmesh Overhaul Mod)
+Sweet Healing Systems
+Sweet Consumables
+ySI - Sorting Icons - S6S Aid Addon patch
+Aid Addon
+New Blood
+More Rads No Irradiated Lonesome Road
+RAD - Radiation (is) Actually Dangerous - Overhaul
+Unfound Loot - Harder core settings ini
+Unfound Loot
+Harder Barter Faster Stronger
+TOTNW One Hand Animations For Another Millenia plus Addon
+Titans of The New West
+Tactapack
+ZL Armaments Remastered
+KNVSE Animation Mega Patch for Tammer's Weapons
+Tammer's NIF-Bashed Weapons Mega-Pack v6.0
+SDS CFWR Patch
+Classic Fallout Weapons Remastered
+Another Millenia Gun Add-on
+Another Millenia - TTW Unique Placements
+Another Millenia
+DIEO - AWOPFO3 Patch
+DIEO - Tale of Bi Wastelands Patch
+TTW (D.I.E.O.) Dialogue and Interactions Expansion Overhaul
+GRA Unique Weapons Relocated - TTW Patch
+GRA Unique Weapons Relocated
+TTW The Regulators
+TTW A Trail of Crumbs
+Functional Post Game Ending - Uncut Wasteland And Extra Collection Patch
+Uncut Extra Collection
+Uncut Wasteland
+MoreMojave - FPGE Patch
+MoreMojave Terrain LOD
+MoreMojave
+Sweet Pain TTW
+Sweet Pain NV
+A World of (Less) Pain - A Lore Friendly AWOP Revision
+Sweet Pain DC
+TTW A World of Pain for Fallout 3
+The Living Desert Leveled List Overhaul
+The Living Desert - Travelers Patrols Consequences Increased Population and more
+Functional Post Game Ending
+B42 True Leaning - Custom INI
+B42 True Leaning - Contextual - ESPless
+Immersive Minigames
+Vegas Elysium Perk Pack
+Levelup Traits
+Friends With Benefits Perk Pack
+Sweet 6 Shooter Perks - TTW - NV
+Sweet Perk Overhaul
+NPCs Sprint kNVSE - ESPless
+Enhanced Movement INI
+Enhanced Movement
+Supplemental Ammo Crafting
+Sweet Dynamic Detection System
+Simple AI Merge
+Sweet's Configuration
+Weapon Jamming Tweaks - ESPless
+Reload Reloaded
+Immersive Recoil 2.0
+B42 FireMode - Selective Fire and First Shot Precision - ESPless
+Weapon Requirements System
+Real Weapon Mods 2 Rebalanced
+Real Weapon Mods 2
+Armor Damage Overhaul - Custom INI
+ADO - Armor Damage Overhaul
+Better Damage Multipliers
+Crippled Limb Reaction Enforcer
+Transporters - Fast Travel Alternative
+TTW Transportalponder Extended
+Home and Safehouse Tweaks INI File
+Home and Safehouse Tweaks
+JIP CCC HD icons
+JIP Companions Command and Control
+JAM - Custom INI
+Bullet Time Improved - a JAM addon
+Clean Just Assorted Mods (JAM)
+JAM - Just Assorted Mods
+Nail Gun Semi Auto Rework
+BHYSYS Custom INI
+(Benny Humbles You) and Steals Your Stuff
+Delay DLC Redux
+TTW - Mothership Zeta Rewards
+Charisma Tweaks (NVSE)
+Tale of Bi Wastelands TTW Patches for TTW Reputations and TTW New Vegas Speech Checks
+Tale of Bi Wastelands TTW
+TTW New Vegas Speech Checks - TTW Reputations Patch
+TTW New Vegas Speech Checks
+TTW Reputations
+TTW Merchant Supply Expansion
+Hardcore Perk Every Level
+Casino Exchange All
+Better Caravan
+Root 'n Loot TTW
+Tweaks for TTW Custom INI
+Tweaks for TTW
+ESP-less Tutorial Killer
+Simple Night Vision
+Radiation Visuals
+Drowning Visuals - ESPless
+Quick Select - A Zelda BOTW Style Quick Menu
+3D Grenade Indicator
+Item Cards Custom INI
+Item Cards
+Instant and Faster Pipboy (No Stutter)
+Pip-Boy UI Tweaks
+High Res Local Maps
+Simple Maps - TTW
+Clean Companion Wheel
+Vault Boy Paper Doll
+High Resolution Screens
+Vanilla Fonts Revisited
+MAPMO WSG Preset
+Extras - Stewie's Tweaks Sorting Icons Replacer
+Extras - Hi-Res Logos
+MAPMO - Main and Pause Menus Overhaul
+Recent Loot Log - ESPless
+B42 Notify - Corner Messages Overhaul - ESPless
+Clean Vanilla Hud
+Alternate Holographic Panel - No PipBoy in Power Armor
+Simple Power Armor HUD
+FOV Slider
+ySI Vanilla MiscQuest Items Patch
+ySI Sorting - Extended NV-TTW
+Sleep Wait Hardcore Needs
+Radiation Loadwheel
+Scum's Considerably Cute Corner Load Wheel
+Main Menu Redone - TTW
+ySI - Pick Up Prompts
+ySI - Colorful Icons Fix
+Colorful Inventory Ycons
+ySI - Sorting Ycons
+yUI - User Ynterface
+Vanilla UI Plus (New Vegas)
+The Mod Configuration Menu
+Vanilla Animations Weapon Scale Fix
+TTW Combat Shotgun HQ Reload Sounds
+TTW 32 Pistol Projectile Clipping Fix
+Tranquility Lane Pipboy Glove and Custom Race Fix
+Ranger Combat Helmets Clipping Fix
+NPCa - NPC Prevention of Chem addiction - ESPless
+MZ Holding Cells Fog Clip Distance Fix
+Money Fixer - ESPless
+Melee VATS Animation Restoration
+Laser Pistol 3rd Person Latch animation fix
+Gun Runners Kiosk Glass Fix
+Gauss Impact Fix - ESPless
+Freeside Neon Sign Fix
+Female Pipboy Aligned
+Viewmodel Shading Fix - NVSE
+MoonlightNVSE
+zlib Updated - NVSE
+Weapon Mod Description Fix (TTW)
+Viewmodel Shake Fix - NVSE
+Vent Lighting Fix
+Swimming Creatures Fix - ESPless
+Smooth True Iron Sights Camera
+Pip-Boy Shading Fix NVSE
+Muzzle Flash Light Fix - NVSE
+Mostly Fixed FaceGen Tints (NV or TTW)
+JIP Localized Damage Fix
+Improved Lighting Shaders
+High Resolution Water Fog - Water Aliasing Fix
+High Resolution Bloom NVSE
+Fog-based Object Culling
+Fallout Alpha Rendering Tweaks - NVSE
+External Emittance Fix - NVSE
+Equip and Movement Speed Fix - ESPless
+Depth of Field Fix - NVSE
+Consistent Spread - Firearms Accuracy and Wobble Fix
+Aqua Performa - Strip Performance Fix
+Cloud Upgrade NVSE
+Climate Control NVSE
+SUP NVSE
+AnhNVSE
+KEYWORDS
+UIO - User Interface Organizer
+ShowOff xNVSE Plugin
+Basic Console Autocomplete
+Console Paste Support
+Improved Console (NVSE)
+kNVSE Animation Plugin
+FNV Mod Limit Fix
+ActorCause Save Bloat Fix
+VATS Lag Fix
+Combat Lag Fix (NVSE)
+lStewieAl's Engine Optimizations
+Stewie Tweaks Custom INI
+Stewie Tweaks Essentials INI
+lStewieAl's Tweaks and Engine Fixes
+NVTF - INI Presets
+NVTF - New Vegas Tick Fix
+Yvile's Crash Logger
+JohnnyGuitar NVSE - INI Presets
+JohnnyGuitar NVSE
+JIP LN Custom INI
+JIP LN NVSE Plugin
+ROOGNVSE Plugin
+Tales of Two Wastelands

I'm not sure what I'm looking for, I guess just wanted to write out what I'd been feeling and put it somewhere. I'm using a burner account, and no real names, I just needed to vent this somewhere
I dated my ex (I won't bother with names) for 4 years, and broke things off last summer. Like all relationships it was complicated, but now - nine months later - I still have no idea if I did the right thing, and am left feeling rudderless and adrift.
I'm 41, she's 32 - we met online four-ish years ago, immediately hit it off and started seeing each other 3-4 times a week. We started dating in Jan 2020 ... two months later, covid hit, and our entire state was essentially locked down. We went from dating to basically living together after two months - which, at the time, was great with me .. we were in love, and things seemed great. My parents split up when I was 19. In my 20's and early 30's, I'd made some bad choices with romantic partners - and chased after people who were emotionally unavailable, fundamentally. It took many years of therapy and introspection, but I had been actively making and effort to only date people I saw a real future with.
She (at 28) had never really dated anyone before. She explained she had some very severe trauma as a child, and coupled with abusive parents, she had never put herself out there really, and had focused on work, and fitness, and school. Her father had cheated on her mother when she was a child, and she knew about it (from a very young age). I heard all this, and tried to be as empathic and understanding and reassuring as I could -> after all, it wasn't anything she had done, and I thought she was a badass for overcoming that kind of abuse. We hit it off straight away, and seemed to have tons in common, and those first few months together were incredible. She still lived at home, with her parents - and for the duration of our relationship never moved out, or found her own space.
Things started to get strange when one day, I liked a female friend's post on Instagram ... this was someone I'd known for 5-6 years, and I was friends with long before I knew my gf. In retrospect, my friend's post was a bit thirsty .. your classic "I'm powerful, self possessed" look-at-me photos that showed a bit too much skin - and I should have just kept browsing, but I tapped 'like' (one of probably 20 posts I liked that day from all kinds of different friend) and moved on.
A few hours later, my gf called me, furious, and accused me of using her 'as a place holder' because - in her mind - I obviously REALLY wanted to be with this other friend of mine, and was using her. This came completely out of left field to me, and we had a 2-hour phone argument where I apologized, told her I'd remove the 'like', whatever she wanted. She kept circling back again and again that it was "totally normal" to go through a partners friend list / liked posts because "anyone can see them, they're public". We went back and forth, I was frantic and after we got off the phone, I went through my Instagram and basically purged any attractive female friend I had, and removed any likes I had to any post that might be weird or suspect. From them on I rarely used social media at all - but every few months my ex would find a new friend on my social media she didn't like, or suspected - even after I stopped interacting with social media at all.
This same sort of low-level suspicion persisted throughout our relationship. If I was looking at my phone, she wanted to know what I was reading, who I was talking to, etc. I have never cheated on a partner in my life, in fact I had been cheated on twice - so the sort of dull, constant suspicion really upset me - and after a while it almost felt like she was trying to manifest / discover some kind of secret infidelity. The tragic part is that we got along great otherwise, she loved my (male) friends, loved my family, and we had a relaxed and loving relationship besides occasional flare ups. But the suspicion never went away, or changed - and this sort of underlying insecurity was a constant background white noise of our relationship. She especially took a disliking to my roommates girlfriend, and made it a point to always talk about how much she disliked her, how they weren't going to last - etc (I can't say I blame her, the girl in question was not awesome .. but I never understood why his g/f should have such an outsized effect on our relationship). Despite all this, I thought she was an a kind, empathic, intelligent woman - and I saw a life with her, I saw starting a family with her - as real possiblities.
She grew very attached to my family, which also started to make me wonder what was going on. Many times, first thing in the morning, before coffee or anything else, she'd ask me "how's your mom? how's your dad?" - and would always want to know if she was 'still their favorite'. The first few times I thought it was charming - but it kept going on, to the point I had to push back and ask her "hey, please stop asking me first thing in the morning about the status of my family" ... for reference, I lived on the opposite side of the country from them, and would only get to see them for the holidays (which she was always invited to). I had a very challenging period of my life with my family, from 15-30 my family was fractured, my parents split up, it was messy ... but through years of effort, and time and patience forgiveness, I had built strong, loving relationships with both my parents individually, and my siblings besides. I sometimes got the sense that she even loved my family more than me, and that I was - weirdly - almost an obstacle between her and them. I told her as much, that sometimes I almost was jealous of how much she loved them, and wished that she could point that in my direction sometimes - knowing that they would be part of the package. She never did that same work with her own family - who were deeply dysfunctional, combative and sometimes outright hostile to one another. As crazy as it sounds, I often felt like she was almost trying to reap the rewards of the many years of hard work I had done - without an appreciation for how hard it had been to build new, adult relationships with my parents.
After a year and a half she found a new job, in a new industry, at a high profile company - and for the first six months she was there, she seemed to be able to manage the stress. I asked her if she wanted to maybe find a place together, to move in together for real ... but she kind of brushed it off. I would ask her again every few months, and would be met with the same sort of half-maybe-sorta-we'll-see ...
She suffered a major concussion two years into our relationship, which is when things really started to change. She never went to therapy, or saw a doctor to get treated ... and as the months went by, she became obsessed, almost addicted, to her job. It was all-consuming for her, and occupied all her thought and effort and time ... our relationship became an afterthought, and would mostly be relegated to her staying over (because my apt was closer to her office than her parent's house) - then me cooking her breakfast and seeing her off in the morning - and getting take out when she got back at night. She became more and more locked into her job, and our relationship became more and more platonic and less and less romantic / sexual... which is not uncommon when people are stressed out, or exhausted - but we couldn't seem to find time or space to fix what was happening. We talked, and communicated - but her reaction to stress was to go inside herself, and cut the world off -> and my stress reaction has often been the same.
We grew more and more distant over the next year, I also got a new job that ate up a ton of my time, so we would only see each other for an hour or two in the evenings, or on the weekends when we were up for it. I have a habit of pushing the people I care about away when I am not doing well emotionally .. it's the biggest recurring issue I've had in my life. I've been to therapy for it, and have ways to manage stress including meditation, exercise and a healthy diet - all of which allow me to function. But as the months went by, I got more and more stressed out as we became more distant - and I started to fall apart, and started to feel more and more alone and isolated. I'm sure I could have been better, or more attentive, or more patient ... and I in no way want to trying to pin any blame on her. After all, I'm just 1/2 of the relationship, and 1/2 of the story. After not seeing each other for a few weeks, I had to go out of town for a week for my job - to deal with a long and stressful convention ... and when I came back, we didn't see each other for another week.
I wanted her to come see me, but couldn't come out and say it ... I wanted her to intuit my needs, which she OF COURSE was not able to do. She wanted me to tell her I desperately wanted to see her, which she couldn't articulate because she wanted ME to intuit her needs ... and round and round it went. Lack of communication.
We did see each other eventually, what started as a small disagreement blew up. It started after my ex starting talking about my roommate's girlfriend, or she said something nasty about her. I was upset because we hadn't seen each other in weeks, why would this girl be the first thing on her mind? What about us? I totally overreacted and pushed her away - it was a long and stupid argument, where we both ended up dredging up things from months and years before .. we broke up, she left. In my self-righteous indignation, I felt justified in the moment ... but as the hours passed, and days passed, I was miserable and knew I had made a horrible mistake. My friends at the time told me I'd done the right thing, and that we had long standing issues that I had been mentioning throughout our relationship ... she liked her well enough, but wanted me to be happy, and told me that I had, ultimately, done what I thought was right at the time - and not to doubt myself. But I did, I got fully stuck in my head about it - and was desperate (yes, the D word) to try again.
Over the next few weeks she totally ignored me, wouldn't respond to my calls, or messages. I didn't expect her to - but I practically begged her to give it another chance with me. But she had totally shut down, and in her (later) words "she was never going to speak to me again." She did, eventually, after a few weeks, respond to me. We talked, I apologized, tried to explain that she was the world to me, and I knew I had made a massive mistake, and desperately wanted a chance to try again - to make things right.
She agreed, eventually. We met up for dinner, and slowly talked things out - I was still honestly pretty upset, but we kept seeing each other, started making it a point to go on dates, to get to know each other again. She believed I had cheated on her, that I had met another woman and that this had all been a pretext ... I caught her going through my phone after I got out of the shower. There was nothing to find, but I couldn't believe that she still, after years together, suspected I had been unfaithful to her. But that was just a bump in the road, we talked it out. Things seemed to be getting better. We shared an amazing thanksgiving together, and I genuinely felt like we had turned a corner and were as close as we had ever been ... so did she.
The next Monday, at work, she got another concussion - worse than the first. From this point on, her entire personality shifted ... Which I have learned, in the months that followed, is just something that can happen with head trauma. She didn't want to spend time together nearly as much, she fully retreated into herself, and her family. She wouldn't come visit at all anymore - even if I was willing to pick her up / drop her off ... she would only agree to meet for platonic dinners at a halfway point between our houses. She started seeing a doctor, a neurologist, doing PT work ... but she just kept seeming to get further and further away. If I invited her over, she was always want to know if my roomate's g/f "might" be there, or if we'd be alone ... and if there was even a chance this girl would be there (even though we could spend time in my room, or in the common living room without interference) - my ex would just stay home.
Six or seven months of this went by ... we kept sort of drifting apart, and it seemed like no matter how much I tried to communicate, or bridge the divide between us (which, to be honest, it felt like I was doing 3/4 of the work to keep this thing going) - we just kept drifting. After her second concussion, we stopped being intimate all together ... she was still convinced I had been with other women while we were apart, and demanded I get tested for STDs for her to trust me again. I let my pride get in the way, and should just have done it - but I had not been with or dated anyone else in the few weeks we were apart, and I couldn't get over that she still wouldn't trust me at my word.. after almost 4 years together, I still had to prove myself.
But I didn't, I was stubborn and dug my heels in - so our last potential shot at intimacy evaporated. We became basically platonic buddies ... we still loved each other, said we loved on another every day - but I always felt like I was chasing her, hoping for some kind of emotional connection or breakthrough or common ground that never manifested. By the time July rolled around, I was a total mess ... I felt completely alone, isolated, and like the person I knew and loved had drifted off, and there wasn't a way to get her back. For two months I said that I was really struggling, I was feeling really disconnected and that I missed her all the time - that I wanted to get back to baseline but didn't know how, and that I wanted her help or guidance. She said she felt like she was gradually getting back to where she started, but had no clear picture of how long that might take, and couldn't give me any kind of definitive answer if things would get better again - or how things might get better again.
It never happened. With another month-long work event looming on the horizon, and my stress levels climbing and climbing, I felt like I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Eventually, after one of our platonic dates, I had a full on breakdown, and tearfully told her how isolated I was feeling, how I felt like I'd lost her, and how I felt totally clueless how to fix things. She had no ideas to offer, no guidance on how to navigate any of this, and no suggestions how to get back to some kind of baseline. It all poured out from both sides ... she didn't feel like she could trust me ever since we'd got back together, I felt like she neve really let me back in. But we both agreed that that one thanksgiving had been amazing ... and we wished we could find a way back to that place - but had no idea how.
I told her I needed a month, or two, I needed to start seeing a therapist, I needed to put myself back together because I felt like I was falling apart. I told her I wished that we could take a breathe - and come back on more solid footing because I had fucked up when I broke things off before. I had come back from a place of sadness and desperation - and had not given either of us a chance to heal before trying to undo the damage I'd caused. I wanted to meet her on even footing, from a place of mutual strength and try again ...
To her, this was just me breaking up with her again.. which I tried to say "no, I don't want to lose you, but I'm fucked up and need to just right the ship a bit in my life because I am totally losing it ..." But, sometimes it doesn't matter. To her, I was leaving her again, giving up. I had no idea if she'd speak to me again, but I felt so broken I didn't know what else to do.
I took two months, without contact, and started seeing a therapist, started exercising again, got through my hell-month at work. I tried reaching out again to her, multiple times after that ... but I never heard back. A few months went by - I missed her more and more, I didn't heal or get better, I didn't feel like I'd done the right thing. My friends told me I had, my family was supportive - my friends especially have told me time and time again that ultimately, I did the right thing, that I did what was right 'for me' ... but to me, the reassurance didn't matter. There was a giant, gaping hole in my life that I had no idea what to do with. This was a woman I had wanted to marry, that I had wanted to life with, to build and share a life with -> and at one point, I know she wanted the same. I felt so terrible, and couldn't handle the memories of the place I was in, that I resigned from my job (which was ok, it was a horrible grind, that while it paid ok, didn't have any kind of upward mobility) .. and after a lot of thought, I moved back across the country because it was too painful for me to be in that place, surrounded by the memories - living with the ghosts. My friend group had been slowly dispersing, getting new jobs in new cities, having kids and getting on with life - and I didn't see a reason to stay anymore. I debated reaching out to my ex to let her know I was moving - but it had been months without a word, she had not responded to any of my attempts to talk to her, to meet her even for coffee, or to return the few things of hers I still had - and I knew that if I did reach out - it would ultimately be a selfish act, hoping that somehow she might say 'oh no, he's leaving for good' ... so I didn't. I'm still not sure if she knows I left.
I've been saying with family, slowly putting the pieces of my life back together. I'm taking classes, and plan on switching careers into a new field that I may actually am passionate about. I'll find my own place again in a month or two, but truth is I missed my family dearly, and have been helping both my aging parents with years of neglected repairs and yard work - and seeing my siblings and their families again after a decade of living on the opposite coast and getting to see them 'maybe' once a year around the holidays. Plus after paying insane rent to random landlords for over a decade, its been nice to have a few months of feeling grounded, and to put work into where I'm living. My family has been thrilled, and glad to have me around again.
But it's made no difference, really. I still think of her every day. Some days are easier than others, and I can manage to stay focused on classes and work and fitness - but in so many ways my life feels totally hollow now. I'm stuck wondering if I completely fucked up a good thing, and wasted what might have been my last shot at starting a family of my own, of having a real partner. I'm 41, realistically my chances get slimmer by the year. Or maybe I did totally the right thing, and I got out of a degenerating situation that had been nagging at me for months and months that something was deeply wrong. Or maybe it was somewhere in between those two poles. There's no way to know, and I'm limited to my own side, and my own perspective - and trapped in that middle ground of wondering how things "MIGHT" have gone had X Y or Z happened differently. I wish I had some kind of clarity, or certainty, but I don't.
I guess things are getting a bit easier, as the days and weeks and months go by - but its only by fractions of a degree. I miss her, or maybe just miss the person she used to be, if that person still exists. Head trauma is ... complicated - because the person looks the same, sounds the same ... but the person you knew, the person you fell in love with, isn't really the same person anymore. Its almost like, mourning the death of someone who is still alive, if that makes sense.
So here I am, taking it one day at a time, hoping for some brighter tomorrow, some slow healing or revelation or clarity that I did the right thing - but all I have are doubts. There's no closure to be found because all I ever got was silence. I've done everything people have recommended - focused on myself, focused on health and fitness, focus on learning new skills, on meeting new people, gone on dates, focused on family, focused on growing -> but it hasn't helped the giant, gaping hole in my life, and the never-ending uncertainty.
I expect no sympathy, or empathy ... and knowing reddit, I'll get a lot of people piling on to tell me what a piece of shit I am, lol'ing at how I fucked up my own life, and telling me she's better off without me. But then again sometimes even Reddit can surprise you with the insightful and thoughtful responses. More than anything, I just wanted to write this down somewhere, anywhere - to get it out of my head and my heart. Because the more it stews, the worse I feel. Thanks for reading, if you managed to make it this far.. its a long, messy, meandering story without any real ending. Will I hear from her again? Probably not. Will I get over her? Eventually I'm sure ... but what happens between now and then is anyone's guess. What ever it is, it'll happen on day, one moment at a time.
tldr; sometimes things just end - without someone cheating, or abusing the other person, or any real good way to sum it up. Life and relationships are long, complicated, nuanced and messy. Take care all, appreciate what you have while you have it, take it one day at a time

So lately I've been a little more conscious about teeth care and today I did some research and put together a little routine for the mourning. The requirements I set are:

• Food have to taste good (no toothpaste flavor)
• Include coffee
• You end up with good breath (no breakfast breath nor coffee breath)
• Practical, meaning it should be doable to do every day

Here it is, what do you think of it?

• wake up (teeth and tongue are currently covered in plaque)
• brush you teeth ONLY (removes plaque from your teeth)
• wait 30 minutes (time for saliva to neutralize acids, also get a shower, dress up, or prepare breakfast during this time)
• eat breakfast and drink coffee (now food is between your teeth and over your tongue which causes bad breath when it rots and it's digested by bacteria)
• floss (take food out from between your teeth)
• tongue scrap (removes plaque and food particles from your tongue)
• mouth wash (general cleaning all around, maybe replaceable by just using water?)

As I see it and according to what I read, tongue scrapping can be replaced with tooth brush but it'd be less effective, but it might be compensated by not having to maintain and clean the extra tool.
Also I think the 30 minute wait before eating could be bypassed or reduced when not possible or when eating non acidic food like whole grains and such.

(TL;DR at bottom)
Hi, all. So over the past month I've been deteriorating, and at this point I don't really recognize myself in what I'm doing. In the hopes of re-establishing an understanding of what's considered "normal" behavior, I wanted to make a list of things I'm struggling with. For lack of a better phrase, would someone be able to tell me "how bad" this is? Not requesting a clinical diagnosis or anything like that (I have a therapist for that), just trying to figure out if this is "severe", or if maybe I'm overthinking things. Currently:
* sleeping 12-16 hours a day, spending 3-6 hours on top of that just staring at my ceiling in bed
* I love art, it's probably the most powerful reason I'm still alive, but I don't have the strength to engage with media anymore. Reading, watching TV, and lately even listening to music is just . . . exhausting, and flavorless. I tried to brute force my way through the first chapter of Philippians; it took me an hour to read thirty verses, because I kept forgetting or losing track of sentences or running out of energy (had to keep pausing)
* short-term memory is pretty shit, I can stare into space for hours thinking intensely about something and have no recollection of what I was thinking about. Even conversations I've had recently (when I can push myself to have them) are hard to remember the next day (or even the next hour, sometimes)
* most food is flavorless now. The only stuff I can still taste is extremely sharp (i.e. very spicy, salty, etc.), and even then I just give up. I'm not necessarily avoiding food, but there are only a few things left that I actually look forward to/enjoy eating, and even those are getting bad
* things like making phone calls are exhausting now. I have to schedule a medical appointment for my back and a make-up therapy appointment because I missed the last one. It's been days and I still can't bring myself to do it.
* I obviously can't cry/scream/etc., but my emotional withdrawal is getting worse. I genuinely can't remember what it's like to just laugh or cry when experiencing something. I feel like even if I lost a loved one, I wouldn't be able to muster anything. Even when I think about myself dying, I obviously don't want to die, but the thought doesn't cause any sort of emotional response in me.
* oh, and hygiene is shit. It's been months since I changed my sheets, probably a month since I did laundry, I don't know how long since I made myself more than one meal a day (although I usually scrounge and eat ingredients one at a time at this point). I shower once every few days, but it takes hours. I can clean myself quickly, but I usually just sit for an hour or so afterward and stare at the wall/unsuccessfully try to cry.
TL;DR - basically all I have the energy to do is sleep. I still love doing other things, but I don't have the strength to do them anymore, and I don't have any sort of emotional response to that fact. Eating/showering are basically the only activities I'm comfortable doing, and they suck.
Is this a typical thing for people to experience? Does this happen often?

Some background, we normally stay at the Swan and Dolphin, but the price is too high for us at the moment, I did a lot of digging into onsite and offsite options. Party is 2 adults and 1 19 month old. 4 nights, 2 park days at MK and a split between AK and EPCOT, 1 resort day in the middle, with resort time on either travel day. Total price includes 4 nights (king room is applicable), taxes, resort fees, rental car or uber to resort (depending if on property).

Hotel	Total Price	Breakfast included?	Distance to DS or a Park	Early Entry?	Pool rating	Resort Rating
Swolphin	$2193	No	0.6	Yes	B	A
Hyatt Regency Grand Cypress	$2166	No	2.8	No	A	A
Coronodo Springs	$1,868.19	No	2.3	Yes	B	A
Carribbean Beach	$1,753.25	No	3.7	Yes	B	A
Signia by Hilton Orlando Bonnet Creek	$1,726.38	No	4.3	Yes	A	A
Port Orleans Riverside	$1,688.92	No	2.9	Yes	B	A
Hilton Orlando Buena Vista Palace Disney Springs Area	$1,507.59	No	0.6	Yes	A	A
Wyndham Grand Orlando Bonnet Creek	$1437	No	2.7	No	A	A
Holliday Inn Disney Springs	$1370.13	No	0.5	Yes	D	C
Hilton Orlando Lake Buena Vista	$1355	No	0.4	Yes	B	B
Art of Animation	$1,293.63	No	3.8	Yes	C	B
Drury Plaza Hotel at Disney Springs	$1155	Yes	0.5	Yes	C	B
Sheraton Orlando Lake Buena Vista Resort	$1117	No	1.4	No	C	B
Pop Century Resort	$1,095.27	No	3.8	Yes	C	B
Home2 Suites by Hilton Orlando at FLAMINGO CROSSINGS	$1094	Yes	5.9	No	C	C
Air BNB 2bedroom, private pool	$1080	no	5.3	No	D	B
Holiday Inn Resort Orlando Suites - Waterpark	$1029.02	No	3.9	No	B	C
Courtyard Orlando Lake Buena Vista At Vista Centre	$980	No	1.7	No	D	C
Fairfield Inn & Suites Orlando At FLAMINGO CROSSINGS	$953	Yes	6.1	No	D	C
All Stars	$861	No	5.1	Yes	C	B

If I missed your favorite resort or you disagree with my pool/resort rankings let me know!

I wake up, and the first thing I see is a familiar pink puff of hair lying next to me.
It’s been about a month since me and Natsuki started dating, but even now, I still get butterflies whenever I see her.
I look at the clock.
I’m up about 30 minutes before our alarm goes off.
Today is the first day back at school, so I’m sure she won’t be happy to be reminded that alarm clocks exist.
I decide to seize the opportunity and make a special breakfast for this special day.
I very slowly ease my way out of bed, as to not wake her, and I quietly tiptoe out the door and down the stairs, before finally relaxing.
I decide a good breakfast would be something with Natsuki’s style. Something sweet…
Some fluffy pancakes with whipped cream and strawberries.
Once I make sure I have all the ingredients, I get to work.
I’ve definitely gotten better at cooking ever since I just started hanging out with her.
Even so, she can still easily cook circles around me on all accounts, especially with baking.
Luckily, this is one of the fairly few recipes I know well enough to do justice.
Half an hour passes, and I hear the familiar beeping of the alarm from upstairs.
I’m not done with breakfast yet, though. Although I’m quite comfortable with this recipe, I’m still not fast.
Luckily, the strawberries are all cut up, and I’m not skilled enough to make whipped cream, so I just have a can from the store.
All that’s left is to cook the batter into pancakes.
A few minutes pass, and I hear light stomps come down the stairs.
I turn to see Natsuki in her pink shirt and her fuzzy pajama pants covered with cats, still rubbing the sleepy from her eyes as she makes it to the bottom step.
Natsuki: “Ugh. Why do alarm clocks exist?”
MC: “Good morning to you too, cupcake.”
She sleepily comes up behind me and hugs me from behind as I flip the pancakes, practically laying on me as if I’m a second bed.
Her arms only wrap around my stomach, because of the almost foot-and-a-half I have on her.
Although she’s tired now, I know she’s been looking forward to this for a while.
Mainly just to see the other club members again.
We’ve all gotten together a few times over the summer.
But by “a few times,” I mean twice.
After last year we’ve all gotten really close, and since Natsuki’s Dad is out of the picture, she’s gotten even closer than before.
She now considers us all her family.
Natsuki: “What are you makin’, MC?”
MC: “A special day should start with a special breakfast.”
She finally let’s go of me and walks around me to look at the counter.
As she does, her mood noticeably brightens, and her eyes fully open for the first time all morning.
Natsuki: “Ooooo!”
MC: “Give it a minute, I’m almost done. I’m still not nearly as fast as you.”
Natsuki: “Well, I wasn’t the pro I am today when I first started. You’ve actually gotten really good.”
MC: “Aww, thanks cupcake.”
I bend down and give her a quick kiss.
MC: “How about you take a quick shower, and this should be ready by the time you get out.”
Natsuki: “You read my mind.”
She starts heading upstairs, but turns around at the second step.
Natsuki: “Oh, and you remember how I like mine?”
MC: “Extra whipped cream, and a cat outline of strawberries?”
Natsuki: “You’re the best, MC. I love you!”
She jogs the rest of the way up the stairs.
I sigh and smile to myself as I finish up breakfast.

I’m poverty-to-working class level, single white 37 yr old American living in a 2BR apartment. I was attacked by my neighbor’s pitbull and have zero legal recourse (don’t ask about this in please, I’ve talked to several lawyers), and now have PTSD. Diagnosis is in process, but I have it. I couldn’t afford what I would rationally consider a reasonable mental health regiment (50mins talk therapy 4x a month, 10 minute check in with Psych for meds), which in my case, calculated with current premiums with my “good insurance package,” would average to $400-$500. I haven’t been doing that since January due to company changing policies now prevents me from getting access to this treatment via telehealth, which is was lucky enough to have covered outright most as a pandemic solution I believe (this part is all speculation on my part). So, just to pick back up where I left off, I’m looking at why amounts to a $5000 year investment just to keep myself alive and healthy, as it were. If it’s not obvious, this is also leaving aside all other potential medical expenses—everything from a prostate exam to a dentist visit. Now, based on being what I’d say is my slightly above-average understand of PTSD and its treatments—I’ve read the work of Gabor Mate and Thich Nhat Hanh, worked with a trauma therapist for a year or so, have friends who’ve developed it from things like rape and wartime atrocities. Point being, I know that most of these people will deal with it for the rest of their lives, and have to make significant additional investments to their recovery; physically, socially, vocational, etc.,, and yes ultimately financially. All of this being said, if this entire scenario happened to me in the UK (let’s pretend it wasn’t even a dog bite for argument’s sake, but some other horrible event that will trigger PTSD. Pick your poison.), what kind of treatment would be available to me through the NHS? What would it cost me? What about what I’m going to call “mindfulness pursuits” that I don’t expect and sober modern government to help fund, but are imperative for trauma recovery and spiritual growth—i.e., yoga classes/retreats, sensory isolation chambers, ketamine treatment, art therapy? Does the NHS partner with local community centers or private business that might offer these types of services at what American insurance jargon would call a “sliding scale?”
I’m sure I left a lot of things out, I plan to circle back and edit, read through all the responses and such soon. But honestly, I’m at the end of my rope and have been looking at the breakfast I prepared for myself 5 hours ago and haven’t taken a bite. I have no hopes, dreams, or peace anymore. All of that has been a long time coming and mostly because of mistakes I’ve made, and ever so slightly just being dealt an unfortunate hand (I am still insanely lucky by 98% of the global populations perspective I’d say), but things have changed now. The teeth and blood snapped me out of it. I’m sitting here and just fantasizing about how things could’ve been different, and what could have been. Lifelong Monty Python, Pink Floyd, and proper football fan here, I visited London, Liverpool and Edinburgh when I graduated high school in ‘05. my Northern Irish roommate from college always says I’m the most British American he’s ever met. Thanks for helping fill my life with awesome stuff. I hear you’re a racist now father, how’d you get into that sort of thing? Do you know what nemesis means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Baggy trousers. Baggy trousers. I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay, I sleep all night and I work all day. The sun is the same in a relative way but you’re older. Shorter of breath. One day closer to death. Ive opened up the hurt locker and had a great big rummage round. YNWA. Praise Vectron. Mr Dalliard, I’ve gone peculiar now.

Hi, I’m new using clip studio art. I just bought it a couple days ago.
I’m looking under edit and I can’t find shading assist. Where would it be? Do I have to download it from somewhere?

I just wanted to pop on here and post something positive and hopeful. Long story short I’m not sure what caused my hair breakage and loss. Insurance issues have blocked me from getting the proper bloodwork. I started minoxidil back in feb and lost half of the little hair I had left bc of the dread shed. I spent hours on Reddit reading other women’s stories and looking for hope and just feeling devastated.
Stay the course. The dread shed will end. And the worse the shed, the better the results. I have baby hairs growing en masse all over my head. And today for the first time in the shower, my ponytail felt thicker.
My hair is still completely devastated by whatever screwed it up to begin with. I’m still at least a year away from looking like anything close to what I used to look like. But I have progress.
Best piece of advice I can give is don’t stop the minoxidil. And GO GET A GOOD TOPPER OR WIG OR CLIP INS. The clip ins I bought from Amazon saved my life and sanity. I look normal when I leave the house and I’ve stopped thinking about the hair loss 24/7 and I think that’s allowed me to actually see the progress that’s been happening.
It gets better ❤️

First/Previous
"Watch out!" Jack yelled out to the crowd as the now-glowing overhead turrets, long dormant and forgotten, suddenly whirred to life with a mechanical hum, tracking his movements as he ran, shoving past a group of unsuspecting Xarak to the side as he moved to dodge the torrent of rapid fire aimed right at him, kicking up smoke as the superheated plasma churned the ground underneath him, before the sound of gunfire abruptly stopped.
"Fucking overheating shittubes!" the voice on the speakers cursed. "The Outsider is by the two broken pillars!"
"I see him!" a voice replied from out of the crowd as Jack got his bearings, spotting a group of three uniformed soldiers rushing towards him. As the leader moved to stab him with a nasty-looking barbed shortspear, Jack quickly juked the direction he intended to dodge, dipping to the right as he smashed the avian in the stomach with a vicious kick, shuffling back as he caught the blade of the second soldier with his bracer before throwing them off balance, lashing back at the first with his elbow as he did.
He moved to check the third that was moving to take a swing at him with a bat, but before Jack could do so the soldier was suddenly yanked back as a long, coiled leather whip snapped around them. Following along, Jack spotted an older grey-skinned ganger in black leathers with a coarse, black beard to match his scraggly hair sat down with his back to a wall, casually drinking a beer as he observed the chaos with a mischievous smirk.
As the soldier pulled back his bat to strike the interloper, the ganger grinned and looked down where his legs were already spread wide, revealing a strange metal crotch plate. Suddenly making a jerking motion with one of his legs, the plate flipped up to reveal the barrel of a huge codpiece gun that flipped up to point directly at the soldier, before it fired once, catching the solder completely by surprise as the top of their body was utterly obliterated by a bolt of powerful plasma energy. Smirking, the ganger gave Jack a wink, chugging down the rest of his drink, before charging into the brawl.
Hearing an almighty roar, Jack turned around only to be knocked back yet again as a broken, avian body was roughly lobbed at him, staggering him backwards as the Redeemer turned to the last of the bird-like gangsters, picking him up with immense strength and smashing them to the ground before advancing towards the human more cautiously this time, shoving drunken brawlers out of the way.
“I have long waited for this moment, Outsider. With your death, my King shall grant you redemption!” The Redeemer snarled. Now having a good look at him, Jack couldn’t see any visible weapons on him, which was strange. Last time, he’d brought a gunship and was taking potshots at him with some kind of high-powered rifle. Then again, considering what happened last time, maybe The Redeemer wanted the satisfaction of using his bare hands to beat him to death.
It wouldn’t be a terrible plan considering everything the Ogar had pulled off so far…
While sports on Earth were often separated by gender, despite some resistance from the more liberal-minded, due to biological differences between men and women, combat sports were a whole different game, with mixed martial arts organisations having very specific weight classes for fair competition between athletes, with two fighters of similar size and weight less likely to cause serious injury to each other.
But if you placed an experienced lightweight against even a novice heavyweight? That would introduce major problems for the smaller fighter, who would need to contend with the extra size, reach and power of their larger opponent. Not an impossible fight, but a tough one.
And Jack very much felt like a lightweight here.
Though of course, he had faced larger opponents before. Even an Ogar, though they had defeated the Laird with a cunning trap. However, he didn’t know how well matched he and The Redeemer were in a fair close-range fight outside of the opening moments of the ambush.
Still, he had little choice but to find out. He didn’t have an easy way to escape, and he didn’t know what the status of the others was. If he ran while they were still here then The Redeemer and the Regulators would simply go after them instead to get to him…
No. He couldn’t allow those thoughts to shake him. His friends knew what the hell they were doing, and they could handle themselves just fine. He had to worry about himself right now.
He couldn’t run, so he had to fight.
With a speed he didn’t expect from The Redeemer, they grabbed a nearby chair and lobbed it right at Jack in one smooth motion before following through with another charge.
‘Aegis!’ Jack yelled as he brought his forearm up, as his new and improved shield eagerly sprung up to take the hit from the chair, before a fist smacked into the side of his head as The Redeemer used the chair as a distraction to change his angle of attack.
Spinning with the blow, Jack fought in his mind to stay in the fight as his vision blurred, with the powerful strike threatening to knock him out then and there, before another fist caught him in the stomach, with his battleskin dispersing a hit that would have otherwise easily taken the air out of his lungs.
Retracting his shield, Jack ducked another punch that threatened to decapitate him as he skidded under the blow, parrying a backfist with his forearm that tingled painfully as he ate the blow, before clocking the Redeemer with a punch to the jaw, his gauntlet extending to cover his knuckles with a well-forged plate of metal to add their power to the strike, before the Redeemer threw out a punch that caught him on the shoulder, sending the deathworlder reeling back.
Jack grit his teeth as he fought through the pain, adrenaline rushing through him. He wasn’t out of the fight yet, but he knew he’d gotten the worst of that engagement.
The Redeemer clearly understood this as well, as the zealot strode towards the human with a confident, wicked grin.
But this time, Jack was ready.
‘Caltrops’ Jack whispered the command word, as his gauntlets gave him a good handful of them, subtly tossing them in front of him with an underhand throw, which had gone unnoticed by the Redeemer as they stared at the human with hatred.
Suddenly dashing forward to quickly close the remaining distance between them, the Redeemer roared as he charged Jack again, suddenly grunting in pain and stumbling as his full, heavy mass sent a sharp, painful spike straight through his armoured boot, causing him to lose focus as he looked down at his foot for just a moment to see what had happened.
A moment of distraction that Jack used to its fullest, as he quickly swung his axe down right at The Redeemer’s head.
However, the Ogar reacted with surprising dexterity as he used his forward momentum to avoid the full force of the axeblade, his metal helmet taking a glancing blow as he shoved Jack off balance, causing him to stumble. Quickly predicting what would come next, Jack dropped his axe on purpose as he prepared for a takedown attempt, dropping low and widening his stance as the Redeemer tackled him around the waist to try and bring him to the ground for a quick finish.
“There will be no salvation for you, human!” The Ogar growled through his pain as Jack was forced back by the Redeemer’s superior strength.
“Aww, did you miss me?” Jack taunted, holding on and walking back with the ever increasing momentum The Redeemer was building as he was pushed back along the dancefloor. “I saw your tantrum on the TV afterwards, didn’t know you were a bitch too!”
‘That’s it, asshole.’ Jack thought to himself as he felt his axe clip back onto his back. ‘Get mad. You showed me last time that you like to talk too much. I need to time this right…'
“Your blasphemy ends here Outsider! I shall smite you in the name of my King!” The insane zealot roared out in an enraged challenge.
With a roar the Redeemer pushed with much greater strength, forcing Jack to change his slow backpedalling into a full on sprint as he scrambled to stay on his feet, fighting to keep his grip above that of the Redeemer’s to maintain his control of the grapple for as long as he could as he was gradually being put off-balance, almost being lifted upwards.
‘I’ve got to hold on until the last possible moment…’ Jack thought to himself, as tables, chairs and people alike were battered to the side.
‘Now!’
As the wooden pillar supporting the balcony passed them in a blur, Jack shifted his weight to the left and relinquished the grapple, using the Redeemer’s momentum against him as he shoved the Redeemer off balance, as they smashed into the crumbling brick wall head first with an almighty crash.
As they stumbled back, yanking their head back out through the newly formed hole, Jack growled as grabbed the Redeemer around the top of one of his legs, yelling with effort as he was only just able to lift the Redeemer up and over him, slamming the Ogar down on the top of his head as hard as he could in a vicious suplex that gave a satisfying crack.
Growling with effort, the Redeemer pushed himself back into a crouch and looked up just in time as Jack’s foot smacked into the side of his head in a savage kick that cracked his metal helmet and dislodged one of his fangs. Roaring in rage and pain, the Redeemer got to his feet only to meet a flying knee that shattered his nose as his helmet cracked and dented with the heavy impacts.
“Redeem that you ugly cunt!” Jack growled, moving in for another strike as the Redeemer shoved him away, showing no signs of faltering as he slowly got to his feet, even after the devastating blows he just took. The Redeemer simply gave Jack a wicked grin of satisfaction, before it fell slightly upon seeing something to Jack’s side.
As Jack’s Ring of the Berserker vibrated again, he spun around to spot a large, lanky Vivren with several piercings in overt heavy armour grinning at him with malicious intent as she pointed a wand at him and cast a word of power.
Before he had any time to react, Jack’s entire body erupted in a wave of agony unlike anything he had ever felt before…
*****
“Fuck! Alora! Sephy? Chiyo? Dante?” Nika coughed as she got up from where the balcony had collapsed from under them.
Looking around, she could see even more patrons fighting around them, revelling in the chaos of the brawl, but she couldn’t spot any of her friends in the immediate aftermath, as thick dust plumed out from the wreckage below her.
‘At least the crew of the ship we’re meant to be travelling on are probably out by now.’ The Kizun thought to herself. ‘Can’t go back, the CorvMart crew will have moved on by now, so sticking to the original plan is probably the best move, unless we can steal a vehicle one of us knows how to pilot.’
Assessing the situation before her, Nika went for her bo staff, though made sure that her shotgun was well within easy reach. Though many of the people fighting around her looked rough, they weren’t attacking her or her friends, and until that changed they could make good allies of convenience, or for a smokescreen to give their enemies the slip if they had to run.
Though slaying as many of their attackers as they could would be preferable.
‘Best way to do that is link up with the others, we’re better as a unit.’ She reasoned, hearing an almighty crash. ‘Well, that’s probably Jack.’
Dodging a thrown bottle as a Squarri ganger missed their intended target - a pissed-off looking quadrupedal furry species that Nika didn’t recognise - before dodging a swing of a bat from a Xarak that saw her as an easy target. Quickly raising her staff she parried the backswing before cracking the other end of the staff across the reptilian’s face, knocking the rough-looking thug out as he collapsed to the ground.
Yet before Nika could think to move on from the conflict, she had to dodge out of the way using her tail as a large Balnath with some kind of cleaver-like sword took a swing at her. Recognising the sigil of the Regulator group Chiyo had told them to watch out for - a stern-looking demonic rune surrounded by a neon-red triangle - Nika parried the next sword swipe from the figure.
“Let me guesth, you want to get to the Outthider?” The Balnath sneered at the Kizun with a lisp so thick that in any other situation she’d have to stop herself from laughing. “I’m stho thorry, but we can’t let you have sthilly ideas like that!”
“Are you for fucking real?” Nika asked as she dodged to the side and put some space between them before quickly switching to her shotgun, letting loose a powerful blast that the Balnath was able to raise his shield up to block.
‘Skill like that? Probably the leader or an officer of some kind.’ The Kizun noted to herself. ‘No choice. I’ve got to kill him.’
“Yeah, I know that you’re finking! You fink my teef make me sound sthupid?” The Balnath growled, with a few experimental chomps. “Well these teef like to gnaw and gnasth on Kizun flesth!”
“Come and try it!” Nika snarled as she twirled her staff around her in a well-practised flourish, eagerly accepting the challenge.
The Balnath charged forward with lightning speed as it came at Nika with a series of feints, before swiping at her with a brutal overhand chop, using both hands. The Kizun was able to deftly parry with her staff, the kinetic modules battering her opponent’s grip to the side, though she felt the strength behind the blow and knew that the Balnath was stronger.
Still, she knew she could take him.
Ever since she was little she had roughhoused with her brothers and the local boys in fights around their ranch, and had learned the hard way from an early age that her gender and short build worked against her when facing her peers, so she had trained to be the strongest she could be, and learned to be quick and tactical to make the best use of that.
She had eventually kept up with the neighbourhood boys, using holds and precise strikes until her elders found out what she was doing when she was meant to be working on the ranch to help the family scrape by, and quickly put a stop to the shenanigans.
When she moved to the city, she only got better from there.
The tip of her staff thundered against the Balnath’s shield like the striking of a gong, forcing the larger being back as Nika could tell he was already tiring. Though she wanted to finish this fight quickly and get to her friends, she knew she couldn’t allow herself to give her opponent an opening, even as she sought to exploit an opening of her own. She had to be patient.
Her staff rattled against the shield again and again, as she felt her opponent’s defence get weaker and weaker, with the powerful force of her kinetic module focusing the strength of her strikes into a single point. Eventually something would break, his shield of his arm. Once his defences were finally down, she would go in swiftly for the kill.
Her opponent’s frustration won out as his shield shattered and fell to the floor, forcing him to attack Nika with a vicious two handed swipe. She blocked the strike handily, before the Balnath grabbed her staff, locking them in a clinch.
“Giff me sthome help over ‘ere!” The Balnath called out, as Nika reached for a knife, forcing the Balnath to adjust his stance as she stabbed blindly, glancing off armoured plates before finding purchase somewhere, causing her attacker to grunt with pain as he shoved her back, holding her up against a wall.
‘Shit.’ She cursed in her mind. ‘He’s stronger than me, but all I need is a moment to take him by surprise and I can break away and kill him!’
She held strong with her arms, holding the Balnath back as his jaws snapped shut barely an inch away from her neck. He tried again, and she pushed back harder, the jaws snapping shut around nothing, but much closer this time.
He tried again, bringing his vicious maw even closer still…
‘Gotcha!’ Nika thought to herself, as she jerked her head forward in a headbutt, catching the Balnath by surprise and giving the Kizun the space she needed to bring her knees up to her chin, before kicking out as hard as she could into the face of the Balnath, knocking him back with a roar of pain, before he leapt forward with a side swipe that Nika used her tail to quickly dodge, before in the same motion she brought the tip of her staff round and smacked the Balnath as hard as she could, right in the face, the powerful strike shattering its lower jaw completely.
“My fathce!” the attacker got out, clutching what little remained of his lower jaw, before looking up in the next moment as they stared down the barrel of Nika’s shotgun.
“Plea-” They got out, before their head was obliterated in an explosion of dark, blackish blood as their body clattered uselessly to the ground.
“Fuck you.” The Kizun retorted. Using her tail to quickly clip the sword to the magnets of her armour, Nika could see more Regulators in the crowd heading towards the DJ booth. Quickly checking her weapons, she headed right into the brawl!
*****
“You don’t belong here, girlie!” the thug cackled as their cybernetic arm crackled with electric discharge.
“Replacto!” Alora snarled as she swiped her wand out, blasting her attacker with a sudden flash of light that sent him stumbling back, clutching at his eyes.
“Anyone else?” Alora asked, trying her best to channel Nika’s cool, calm demeanour, crossed with Jack’s intimidating presence as the cluster of gangers and mercenaries all looked around at each other for just a moment, before deciding that the Eladrie wasn’t actually that intimidating, as one tried to rush her with a broken chair.
‘Oh by the Mother Tree! How do those two do it?’ Alora cursed in her mind as she summoned her spiritual weapon - a spear of light - that she quickly stabbed at the fish-like Osi, gutting them in the stomach which quickly made them drop the chair, while Alora wisely moved to the side to get out of the vicious melee happening all around her. Where were the others?
‘I have to make sure they’re all right.’ the Eladrie determinedly told herself as she began casting another, more complicated spell…
“Attention all idiots!” The voice over the speakers sneered out over the ever-changing music that the DJ didn’t seem to have any control over. “We discussed this. Though the Outsider is a priority, you target the spellcasters first if you can! Must I do everything myself?”
Thrumming with sudden power, the turrets above them finally opened fire, shooting almost indiscriminately at the crowd below, cutting several of the brawling patrons down before they even knew what hit them.
Chanting and waving her hands around as quickly as she dared, Alora maintained her concentration of her spell, completing it just in time as the turrets finally tracked her as she summoned a great holy aura of light to cover herself that would give her the protection she needed, the Armour of Faith deflecting the lights of the laser turrets harmlessly aside.
A loud bark sounded out, and knowing Dante’s warning for what it was, Alora spun around to see two Regulators, who were both Vulstas fighting through the brawl to get to her. Unlike Rena, these two were males, both carrying plasma shotguns but unable to get effective shots off through the crowd. Not that something like that stopped them from trying…
“Stevarin!” she yelled out, pointing her wand at one of the two who was about to open fire on a downed ganger, as with a flash of yellow light their movements slowed, quickly freezing stiff as a board as they failed to resist the Holding spell, their eyes widening in sheer terror as the gang-mates of their would-be-victim set upon them in a fury with fists and clubs, before a spell cast from the rafters sent all of them clattering to the ground clutching at their minds.
‘One of the enemy mages providing overwatch.’ Alora noted as she quickly looked up for any sign of them, but not seeing them. ‘Under a veil of invisibility no doubt.’
Feeling the dull impact of a shotgun blast dissipate harmlessly against her magical armour, Alora spun round to the other Regulator, cursing her moment of hesitation as the Vulsta drew a long knife with which to get in close with.
Remembering her fight with Izadora all those weeks ago, Alora waved her arms around quickly to summon a bubble of light to engulf her, before quickly following it up with an explosive flash that thundered all around her like a flashbang grenade, while leaving her unharmed.
As the light dissipated, she deftly avoided the blind lunge from the temporarily blinded Regulator, before jamming her spear into his stomach, using her reach advantage to dodge the desperate swipes he sent her way.
“Garrash!” Alora spoke a quick cantrip, using her affinity with life magic to channel poison through the top of her spear. Her already-weakened attacker quickly slumped to the ground as the debilitating effects took hold, but before Alora could pull her spear back, she was hit by a spell that came from above, disrupting her magic and causing her magical spear and armour to disappear.
‘Damn! It’s that mage above me!’ Alora cursed to herself as she quickly ran underneath one of the balconies, as the turrets chased after her with gunfire. ‘You want to hide in the shadows like a coward? I’ve got something to fix that!’
Quickly making sure there weren’t any immediate threats around, Alora quickly rummaged through her pockets for a wand of white crystal she had prepared about a year ago that still had a few charges. Casting quickly, she levelled it towards the ceiling and prayed to all the gods that she was aiming it at where the enemy mage was hiding,
“Glitasha!”
A spray of shining, sparkling particles of light shot out of her wand, puffing out to cover a good half of the ceiling, and as they began to fall to the floor and latch on to the people below, Alora spotted a huddled form by one of the rafters.
‘Got you!’ She thought with satisfaction.
“Ilthax! Get out of there!” The voice over the speakers warned, presumably the name of her target, but it was too late…
“Solaris!” Alora yelled, throwing her palms out in a thrust as a great javelin of light shot out of her palms. The enemy mage had barely moved before it impaled their centre of mass, sending what must have been a fireball spell way off target which blasted apart a huge, gaping hole in the back wall.
The invisible form of the glitterdust-covered mage slowly began to materialise as the blue-furred, ape-like Regulator clutched at their chest in pain, with wide eyes of disbelief at the spear of hard light that had gone right through their torso. As their flight spell dissipated, their lifeless body fell three stories from the rafters to slam down on the ground floor below.
“Nice one Alora!” the Eladrie heard the voice call from behind her as Nika came up next to her, the Kizun bleeding from a cut on her face. “Where are the others?”
“I don’t know. But we need to find them now!” Alora frantically told them as she took in the sheer state of chaos around them. Many broken bodies lay amongst the carnage, and though the Eladrie knew some would likely be still alive at the end of the night, she knew that many would not.
“You don’t need to tell me twice!” Nika agreed with a grim expression.
*****
First/Previous
Looks like Jack, Nika and Alora are holding on for now! But how long can they keep it up?
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Lately I'm concerned if I'm shedding like normal or if I'm shedding too much.
Bio: female with medium length hair, I wash every 2-3 days, I use heat but only 1-3 times a week, I brush my hair every day, sometimes I wear it in a claw clip and sometimes at night I do little twist on each side.
The dry hair is my hair that I brushed out before my shower and the wet is the hair that came out in the shower while gently ringing my wet hair out. Some of the hair while in the shower comes tiny groups which looks like a lot.. they aren't just singular strands that's all accumulate in my drain.
So alls that to say... is this normal shedding orrrr

I’ve known the bride for years. She had 5 bridesmaids (2 family members) and 3 friends, myself included. Leading up to the wedding we paid for our dresses, most of the destination bachelorette party (except for one excursion the bride paid for), and shower gifts off the registry. No communication about paying for anything day off, so myself and the 2 other friends in the wedding assumed day of items were covered. I sent a nice gift off the registry that was about $150. I did not have a plus one. The two bridesmaids that were friends also sent gifts off the registry.
Three days before the wedding the bride texts me and one of the bridesmaids in a group chat asking the following: I’m dividing up tasks the day of. You two will be in charge of mimosas and cups. The other bridesmaid she texted separately that she was in charge of breakfast for the bridesmaids, mother of the bride, grooms mother in the bridal suite the morning of. No more details sent about who was paying for it or that it was expected we were.
The three of us bridesmaids were confused as food and drinks the morning of we have never been expected to provide and pay for. Hair and makeup was covered. This was also 3 days before the wedding for which we were flying in fodon’t know the area very well. Upon clarification with the family member in the bridal party after we arrived the day before rehearsal we found out that we’d be in charge of ordering and bringing food to the hotel bridal suite the morning we were getting ready.
We ended up door dashing Prosecco, OJ, cups, and bagels for the morning off. However, the OJ and Prosecco was $50 less than the breakfast. This put the bridesmaid in charge of breakfast $100 out. We paid for it kind of assuming we’d be reimbursed. There was no food or drinks in the bridal suite while getting ready other than a case of water bottles and a six pack of Celsius. Luckily I drank coffee the morning of before arriving.
In communication with the family members in the bridal party after the wedding we asked if we could divide the cost between the 5 of us. The family members said yes, but we’d also have the split the umbrellas (ordered but not even used as it didn’t rain day of), beeseltzers for the bus that transported the entire bridal party to/from the church, water bottles and Celsius in the bridal suite. This seemed crazy to me, so I ended up clarifying with the bride a week after the wedding.
The bride said because she paid for haimakeup which was $200 a person that she divided up tasks the morning of which we were expected to pay. I mentioned that there had been confusion with the tasks and what was expected, but since we were given them 3 days prior to the wedding we didn’t want to bother her.
I’ve been a bridesmaid 4 times in the last year. I know bridesmaids sometimes may be required to pay for haimakeup, dresses, the bachelorette, the shower, or accessories for the wedding, but I’ve never seen providing food, drinks, and umbrellas for the day of.
The bride doesn’t seem to care and thinks she was clear with her expectations. However, I don’t really see my haimakeup as a gift when I spent $150 on a gift and am now owing over $50 in day off expenses. I would’ve much rather it have been communicated I needed to pay for hair or makeup before so I could’ve budgeted differently or not sent a gift.
Anyone have opinions on this? Am I crazy for thinking bridesmaids shouldn’t be responsible for food and drinks the morning of?
Appreciate any and all opinions!

I’ve known the bride for years. She had 5 bridesmaids (2 family members) and 3 friends, myself included. Leading up to the wedding we paid for our dresses, most of the destination bachelorette party (except for one excursion the bride paid for), and shower gifts off the registry. No communication about paying for anything day off, so myself and the 2 other friends in the wedding assumed day of items were covered. I sent a nice gift off the registry that was about $150. I did not have a plus one. The two bridesmaids that were friends also sent gifts off the registry.
Three days before the wedding the bride texts me and one of the bridesmaids in a group chat asking the following: I’m dividing up tasks the day of. You two will be in charge of mimosas and cups. The other bridesmaid she texted separately that she was in charge of breakfast for the bridesmaids, mother of the bride, and grooms mother in the bridal suite the morning of. No more details sent about who was paying for it or that it was expected we were.
The three of us bridesmaids were confused as food and drinks the morning of we have never been expected to provide and pay for. Hair and makeup was covered. This was also 3 days before the wedding for which we were flying in fodon’t know the area very well. Upon clarification with the family member in the bridal party after we arrived the day of the rehearsal we found out that we’d be in charge of ordering and bringing food to the hotel bridal suite the morning we were getting ready. No mention of who was expected to pay.
We ended up door dashing Prosecco, OJ, cups, plates, napkins, cutlery, coffee, and bagels for the morning off. However, the OJ and Prosecco was $50 less than the breakfast. This put the bridesmaid in charge of breakfast over $100 out. We paid for it kind of assuming we’d be reimbursed. There was no food or drinks in the bridal suite while getting ready other than a case of water bottles and a six pack of Celsius. Luckily I drank coffee the morning of before arriving.
In communication with the family members in the bridal party after the wedding we asked if we could divide the cost between the 5 of us. The family members said yes, but we’d also have the split the umbrellas (ordered but not even used as it didn’t rain day of), beeseltzers for the bus that transported the entire bridal party to/from the church, water bottles, and Celsius in the bridal suite. This seemed crazy to me, so I ended up clarifying with the bride a week after the wedding.
The bride said because she paid for haimakeup which was $200 a person that she divided up tasks the morning of which we were expected to pay. I mentioned that there had been confusion with the tasks and what was expected, but since we were given them 3 days prior to the wedding we didn’t want to bother her.
I’ve been a bridesmaid 4 times in the last year. I know bridesmaids sometimes may be required to pay for haimakeup, dresses, the bachelorette, the shower, or accessories for the wedding, but I’ve never seen providing food, drinks, and umbrellas for the day of.
The bride doesn’t seem to care and thinks she was clear with her expectations. However, I don’t really see my haimakeup as a gift when I spent $150 on a gift and am now owing over $50 in day off expenses. I would’ve much rather it have been communicated I needed to pay for hair or makeup before so I could’ve budgeted differently or not sent a gift.
Anyone have opinions on this? Am I crazy for thinking bridesmaids shouldn’t be responsible for food and drinks the morning of?
Appreciate any and all opinions!

This is probably the worst part… when he’s been starting small fights the whole morning and I know a big blowup is coming any minute. I just dropped my son to art class after his waffle party at school. I was rushing to get my daughter to finish her lunch, feed the dogs, shower, etc. he was supposed to be the one picking up our son and taking him to art, but he decided to surf and didn’t come home on time. I didn’t have the chance to eat half of my bagel and so I left it on the counter to finish when I come back home.
In the back of my mind I knew it was going to start a fight. But even if I had finished the bagel he would find another reason to fight. Unavoidable. Sure enough, while I’m driving I get a photo message of my bagel on the counter: “why is this being wasted?” 🤦🏽‍♀️
I knew it was coming. There is nothing I can do to stop the blowup when he’s this agitated all morning. This cycle is never ending. I’m pregnant with my third. I’m feeling emotional even though I’m trying very hard to be a grey rock. I can’t let him see any weakness or he’ll swoop in and escalate things in front of the kids. Doesn’t matter I guess, he’s going to rage and I can’t do one thing to stop it.
So now I’m sitting parked in my driveway while my daughter naps in the back seat. I can’t believe I’m narrating such a silly story at almost 40 years old. Sitting outside of my own home, afraid of what’s waiting for me inside. How do things go this wrong and get this far?