Mom xmas present

My mom is a covert narcissist I'm beginning to realize. I have two children, I am the scapegoat, my brother who is the golden child has no children yet. I often see my mother saying or acting in ways that make it seem as if she thinks my first born is my brothers child. This is so hard to explain but let me try.
I.E. at Christmas my first born was with his dad this past year. It was the first time that happened and was very saddening to me and my husband as I just gave birth to our second son and wanted a family Xmas. When my mom found out my first born wouldn't be with me for Xmas her immediate response was "Oh no so your brother won't get to see him on Xmas!" My literal reply "Well... Yeah mom... I won't even get to see him on Xmas" .... Wtf
She will always try to encourage my brother takes my son for sleepovers or other things. She like romanticizes their relationship but meanwhile I get no pats on the back which by the way I don't want. I'm just saying.
She would post many pictures of my brother with my son on social media. She plays up their relationship.
Is this like normal narc behavior? Am I actually fucking insane and making this all up? Maybe I'm the one with the problem after all, I certainly know I spend far too much time thinking about this bullshit.
Now with my second born she shows little to no interest when she has seen him all of two times since he has been born.
I'm going to go NC with her very soon but I'm trying to gather facts and figure out this fuckery first tbh.
Would love any responses.

So my (30F) birthday is coming up. My husband (31M) is hosting a little get-together to surprise me (I found out, we’ll get into why). I’m very reserved as I didn’t grow up in the most conventional way and don’t trust a whole lot of people so my husband is just inviting those that have been consistently in my life and supported me. So my siblings, their spouses/kids, his siblings, their spouses/kids, a few friends, and his parents (I joke I’ve adopted them and even if we ever separated, I get them in the divorce, he’s fine with it 😂)
My sister reached out to my husband to convince him to invite my parents (60M, 55F). I don’t have a good relationship with them, honestly there not much of a relationship at all. I only hear from them when family has passed, birthdays, or anniversaries (usually just a quick phone call). When they do come to my state to visit, they expect me to drop everything to come to them, they have maybe been at my house 2 times since I’ve lived here for 3 years, just for 30 minutes each time.
Also, the last two birthdays I’ve had, my dad made plans to take me out for dinner or hangout, and then just never showed up. Which is a trigger since he did that a lot growing up. We’d have to “wait for dad to cut the cake and open presents” only for him to not show up at all, super embarrassing as a kid with all your friends over to celebrate. Even though I try to not let it get to me, it’s still disappointing at 30. They don’t try to have a relationship with me, but tell my entire family I ignore their calls and text. My siblings know that’s BS because I’ve shown them the proof but the rest of the family believes it.
So basically my husband said no, he would not be inviting them. My sister hasn’t let up though so he spilled the beans about the get together and flat out asked me if I wanted them there….my first reaction….no. Any opportunity to spend time with me “one-on-one” they refuse but because everyone else will be there, now they want to spend time with me? And with my dads drinking problem, small get togethers turn into family fights, I don’t want my in-laws to experience that. As a child, I didn’t feel like they wanted me around and I grew up with a lot of self hate, thought there was something wrong with me, and it’s taken a lot of time/years to heal from that. So….AITA?
Side note: my parents have had a tumultuous relationship my whole life. My first memory is of them fighting. There’s always been a cycle of dad cheats, mom stays...just for the cycle to start over. Many times us kids were caught in the middle of it, my sister probably the most. The most recent event being last week. My dad told my mom for the 100th time he’s in love with some girl at work who’s half his age. (He’s your typical 60yo white man who hooks up with women who barely speak English and then vote for some like Tonald Drump to “save America from foreigners”, it’s gross and I feel for those girls who fall for his sh*t) He even had the nerve to say it ok for him, the guy, to cheat but it’s “gross” if my mom did and he’d never forgive her because how dare a woman cheat.
When I have confronted them in the past about how I feel, I’m told I’m an adult now and what happened when I was child shouldn’t matter anymore. How my dad treats my mom is “non of my business”.

When I (35f) was 14, my mom had my little sister. I was an accident, the child that “ruined” my mother’s life (aka ruining her chances at marrying rich and living her best life… her words paraphrased), but my sister was planned. My mom’s entire pregnancy was a nightmare. She was always abusive, but somehow being pregnant made her even worse.
The day they both came home from the hospital, it became my job to take care of my sister. As you can imagine, that went over super well with a teenage girl, but I did it.
Every day I’d come home from school to find my little sister still in her crib. Sometimes crying and needing a diaper change, while my mother laid in bed watching General Hospital and screaming at me to take care of my sister. Any time I pushed back, my mother would punish me. She refused to take care of my sister because my stepdad was the one who wanted a kid. He could take care of her once he got home, which wouldn’t be for hours. So I’d take care of my sister, cook dinner, and do the list of chores my mother demanded.
My first homecoming game? My parents showed up, my mom dumped my sister on me, so I (at 15) had to walk around carrying my infant sister while my mom got drunk and had the time of her life.
We’d go out to dinner, and I’d be on “baby duty”. So the servers would think she was my kid, and talk to me like I’m the mom. I’d angrily clarify that I’m 15 and this was my little sister, and my mom would laugh like it was hilarious.
The day I turned 16, my mom literally had me going out applying for jobs because I was old enough now. She wasn’t going to pay for me anymore. I had to take care of myself… which was hilarious since my dad was paying her child support. While we had been dirt poor when I was a kid, my stepdad makes a ridiculous amount of money. We were no longer living paycheck to paycheck, and living in a million dollar home.
At 16, I was taking multiple AP and honors courses, in the presidency of five different clubs, was a senior editor of the newspaper with several columns assigned to me, a member of the varsity debate team (also was a mentor to the novice team members, working 30+ hours a week, paying all my bills (car insurance, gas, clothes, food), and raising my little sister. All that time, my mother’s abuse got worse. Her drinking had steadily increased, and she became more violent.
A few days before my 18th birthday, I finally snapped. I left home. When I tried to go home a few days later to get my stuff, my mom attacked me and my friend who’d come with me. My friend and I both ended up escaping and running… technically I had to do a barrel roll as the garage door opened to escape… which shouldn’t be funny but I’m laughing right now thinking about how ridiculous it must have looked to anyone on the outside who had no idea what was happening.
Anyway, I ended up moving across the country to live with my dad, for my own safety and mental/physical health. I wanted to go no contact with my mom forever, but I couldn’t leave my little sister alone with her. I went back eventually for my sister, but things were the same with my mom. I left again for my own sanity and physical well being.
When my sister hit high school, my mom refused to get her a phone, so I put my sister on my plan. Made sure Uber was set up for her so that I’d pay if she needed a safe ride to get out of a bad situation. I took her school clothes shopping. Bought her exactly what she asked for every Christmas (something my mother purposefully refuses to do).
I’m the one who taught her how to be safe at parties, how to protect herself, and to look out for other girls. I had safe sex talks with her. Encouraged her to do well in school so that she could escape our mother too.
What killed me was getting the calls from her that mom was off the rails again. The police did nothing to protect me back when I was 17, almost 18. When CPS was called on my mom for my sister, several times, they did nothing also. Having a lot of money and being able to look like a stepford wife at the drop of a hat worked in my mom’s favor I guess. I personally believe she’s a narcissist, but I’ll probably never know for sure cause she’ll never get diagnosed.
When my sister turned 18 and graduated high school, she moved in with me and my fiancé that summer. She took a gap year, and we took care of her. Having escaped our mother myself, I knew she needed that space to heal. My fiancé and I joked to ourselves that we became parents to a grown teenager.
I drove her to college last summer, she just finished her first year. My little sis has been accepted and is transferring to her dream school this fall. I’m so proud of her.
To be honest, I’ve busted my ass since I turned 18, because I knew the day would come where my sister would turn 18, and she’d need a safe place to fall. I wanted to be in a good enough place to be able to provide that for her… and I did it. I got her out, and she’s thriving.
We’ve been planning a trip to go see our grandmothers this summer. My fiancé isn’t able to join us for the trip, since it’s going to be an extended visit and we can’t leave our cats alone/have his parents look out for them for that long.
One of my grandmothers called to tell me that my little sister was disappointed that he wasn’t going to be there, and that he feels more like a dad to her than her own father…. And honestly that broke my heart.
She’s joked with me before that I’m more like her mom than our actual mother. Honestly, it’s true. I feel like her mom, more than I feel like her sister. Sometimes I wish she was my kid. That we were her parents, because she’d have probably been better off. I told my fiancé about what my sister said and we both got emotional about it… and then pissed at my stepdad for being so god damn apathetic and my mom for being an abusive alcoholic narcissist… that woman wonders why I never call.
I’m looking forward to seeing my sister soon and giving her a big hug. Fiancé did joke that little sis is being dramatic because she’s still flying back to our house to stay with us for a week. Her Christmas/Birthday present for 2023+2024 were VIP/barricade concert tickets to see her favorite K-pop group. I saved up forever for them. It was just supposed to be for her and her friend as her Christmas/birthday present for 2023, but she insisted on it being for 2023 and 2024. I just like seeing her happy.

I'm aware that formaldehyde in vaccines is in such small concentrations as to be harmless. But I'm talking with my antivax mom, and she says she saw a vaccine where formaldehyde is the top ingredient. I'm trying to figure out where this particular thing came from or if it is just entirely fabricated.
My understanding is that formaldehyde can be important in vaccines, which might be a reason why someone might say it's the "top" ingredient. Bit far fetched in my opinion, saying top ingredient implies to me that it is the ingredient in the highest amount, like how flour is the top ingredient in cake.
I just don't want to say something to her and have to put my foot in my mouth because there is something I am unaware of. Is there a vaccine where formaldehyde is the ingredient present in higher amounts then any of the other ingredients?

Hello everyone I wanted to share with you all something things that happened to me the last 8 months
So the story starts On late December of last year one week before New year
As I was walking home from the store I head a small cry from the bushes up ahead as I got closer to it they kept getting louder and louder my curio got the best of me so I went to see what was going on and I see a small puppy 2-3 weeks old lying on it stomach,So I took it out of the bushes and sat on the bench and put the puppy on my lap,I Was seeing if it had any injuries but it seemed fine I satyed with it there until I went to sleep on my lap a good 10 minutes go by and my mom calls me"Where are you its been 15 minutes since you left did you get what I asked you to" I said I'm sorry mom I'm coming gome right away. And there I was sitting there thinking what should I do about the small defenceless little dog in my lap.I should put it back in there right maybe it's mother will be coming back to take her baby so I wait a little longer and nothing happened at that moment the puppy wakes up and start crying again maybe it was hungry or something I didn't know so there I was contemplating what should I do but was I look down to see the puppy I see her starting directly at me with those little eyes of hers and I thought to my slef am I really going to let her alone again in this cold weather and she might die of starvation so I gathered my bags and took the puppy home with me Least to say my parents weren't really happy with me saying stuff like "why did you bring a stray dog home what if the dog has am infection ect" but I really didn't care about all that they were saying I was determined to keep her from going out side again so I gathered every ounce of courage I had and started arguing with saying that I'm gonna keep this puppy if it mean ime get kicked out the house (Brave word for a teenager with nowhere to go right 😄) But at that moment I really didn't care about that I would cared about the little dog in my arms shivering from the cold After a while me and my parent made deal I could keep the dog for now seeing as you care so much about it but we really don't have space in our small house for it to grow comfortably so my dad said that he would find a home for him by contacting his friend so for the time being you can keep it I was ecstatic I could keep my smile from showing tho I was a little sad because this would mean that I would have to say goodbye to the dog in the near future but as long as she was safe my feelings really didn't matter So afer new year the dog seemed to have settle down on our little home My hole family felled in live with the little dog we named her Sasha it seemed like it would suit her the best and the really like we I called her by her name dhe used to go under my bed whenever she wanted to go to sleep or when we played together So come June 1 this year my dad told me that he found a friend of his thay was looking for a dog and it was now time to let go I was heartbroken when I heard this I mean I thought he forgot all about that but it seemed he didn't like the mess that the dog made around the hose and said tomorrow we I will send her to her new house That night I was crying in my bed knowing that shasha would leave tomorrow but I calmed my self say that this would be better for the her so I went to sleep Morning comes and my Heart I beating really fast I had sweet in my palms and was really close to crying but I held on Here comes dad with his friend let's call h Ben in Ben's car In this moment i can feel tears forming in my eyes My dad said it's time to say goodbye to sasha I sit down in one knee and hugged her tightly saying goodbye to her I'm gonna miss you And there they went leaving off in the distance but I said to my slef maybe I'll go and visit her the following Sunday so I calmed my slef when went inside Litt did I know that that would be the last time I say shasha
So it's the following day and i realised to mistake that i made and told my dad to go and get sasha because I really missed her I mean the house looked so empty without her man and I really wanted my dog It felt like I had abandoned my child
So I tell him let's bring her back So he goes to his house to get sasha but,,,, she want there she was gone,,, she had managed to escaped from Ben's house she was no longer there
I was so mad and sad at the same time that I didn't even go to school that day and began searching for her but I had no luck and whent home crying on the way there
When Night come and dad comes home and I tell him how did she escaped he told me that he left her in the house but she managed to escape from the house and started following the car
In that moment I exploud with and and yell at him why didn't you stop and put her back in did you think that she would just fo back inside she doesn't even know the neighbourhood there man
My dad told me to calm down its just a dog we can get a nother one if you want At that moment I lost all the respect that I had for that man and stormed of the house and went looking for sasha I mean she should be around the neighbourhood somewhere right?
After 3 days of searching for her I found her.....I found her but she,, she wasn't alive she had been hit by a car and had been thrown beside some Trash cans ......she was no longer in this old it seemed it happened the day she was abandoned because flies and maggots were present eating away her flesh
I was heartbroken seeing the dog that I cared about so much lifeless on the ground 💔
I when home and started yelling at my dad I mean how can he do this to me how can he do this to sasha he told me that he was gonna take her to a better home not the Fucking highway He started crying saying he was sorry he was drunk and he wasn't thinks straight that day
I really don't know what to do How can I look my father in the eyes after he did this to me his only son
I just hope that when I die I hope I get to see my dog again and say to her I'm sorry sasha I'm sorry I couldn't protect you I'm sorry I let them take you I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me the most
But I know that no matter how sorry I feel she isn't coming back Now every time I enter my home I expect to hear her barks welcoming me home Fly high sasha I will be there with you sooner that you expect bby just you wait🌹

Ok so I'm an anime/cartoon watcher. I was on YouTube and got sucked into a video that had a segment on drawing girls who are adults to look like children. More or less to get away with the obvious.
Anyways it lead down my mental rabbit hole of an anime I watched. Inuyasha was my favorite anime as a teen. Then today I did the math on the main character. Inuyasha was like a young adult supposedly before he was trapped in a 50 year coma. > before coma he already slowly aged because he was part demon > means he was possibly older than what I realized > show explains his mom died like forever ago > he was shown as a child when she died> didnt meet first love interest until forever after his mom died and he presented like a 16 or 19 year old looks wise but was definitely older > main love interest is a regular human who is no older than 16 after initial love interest died and he woke up from coma.
Now because he's drawn to look the same age and mentally acts like a teen I didn't realize this whole situation is HELLA illegal. Mans is in his 100 or 200s'
Now off to watch more fantasy shows where my brain exposes more crimes we've been conditioned to believe was chill cause it's just a show. 🤣😅

I’ve posted here before, but I’ve got a new one that’s kind of funny.
I work at a grocery store, and am all too familiar with older folks asking if I’m in high school. But have never had any problems before with teens thinking I’m younger than I am, until this one experience.
I had a mother, father, and their clearly teenage son come into my line. The mother is a regular at my store, so I’ve frequently spoken to her when she comes in, but I had never met her family before.
Their kid was staring at me really awkwardly while I was talking to his mom. When there was a lull in the conversation, he spoke up and said that he thought I was really pretty. So I politely said “oh thank you kiddo!” And laughed it off as him just being nice.
At the end of the transaction he asked if I was single, so I said “oh hon, I’m far too old for you. You should be careful with strangers.” And the kid looked shocked and asked how old I am. When I told him the kids jaw dropped, and his mom started laughing really hard and said “ah, kids. They’re so funny.”

—
“.....”
Rika stared at her hand, at the backside of her palm, her skin color is that of an overripe and sweet sapodilla. She doesn't know what that thing is, but that's what her dad used to call it, apparently some sort of fruit, but she doesn't know what fruit is either. it’s slightly blue now, stained by the blood of a… thing. She looked at it, the… she doesn't know what to call it, pink thing… pink… pinky? Sounds good enough for her, she looked at pinky.
“hmm…”
Pinky is… weird? She's seen some weird things in her life, an irradiated wasteland can always hold a surprise, but this is… peculiar. In a way she couldn't really put her finger on, more so because she can't touch pinky for too long because they are really cold. But she wants to touch pinky, pinky is interesting. Pinky has four eyes, no hair, and a beautiful skin, she's almost jealous.
“.....”
Her curiosity took over and she scooted over to where pinky is, laying on her bed, with bandages on their tummy. She's honestly not sure why she instantly knows that pinky is bleeding, when she found them in that fire pit, created by that blue light that came from the clouds. Actually, she remembers it quite fondly. She remembered her dad coming back home, bleeding from his tummy, and asked her to fetch some bandages. He told her it was done by bad guys.
Poke
“Pinky? Are you awake?”
Poke
He told her bad guys don't like her, or dad, and want to kick them out. Dad said don't listen, and fight back, since then she really hates bad guys, and thought everyone but her and her dad are bad. She got a lecture for thinking that, and her dad told her not everyone is bad, some people are good, friends he called it, Rika never had friends before but she would love to have one someday.
Poke
“Hello?”
Poke
As Rika continuously poked Pinky, she wondered if Pinky is a bad guy or friend, or maybe they got hurt by a bad guy, are there bad guys in the clouds?. Pinky looks nice, they don't look like bad guys, but who knows, once her dad said that bad guys sometimes lie and make themselves look like friends.
“Wow…”
Pinky’s skin is cold, very cold, it hurts if she touches it too long, but if she touches it for just a few seconds, it’s actually comfortable. So Rika did just that, occasionally putting her palm on Pinky, and enjoying the cold. But suddenly Pinky doesn't feel as cold anymore, she was wondering why when Pinky woke up, and slapped her.
—
“AHH! Get away from me!”
“@#!”
Ciro’s not having it today, she just woke up, and expected maybe the white and yellow of her ship’s medical bay, the feeling of a soft bed on her back, hoping maybe all that she saw before is just a very long and weird dream.
“Shoo! Shoo!”
“...?”
It isn't, unfortunately. She woke up to the brown and black of a cave, and the feeling of what barely passes as a bed laying on rough sand and pebbles on her back, it is not in fact a very long and weird dream. It is, in fact, reality, reality is terrifying as they say and she would agree, as she immediately sees the creature again the very next second of her eyes opening.
“Shoo! Get out of here! D-d-don’t hurt me!...”
“€π?”
“W-what?”
It spoke…? In language she doesn't recognize, it seems… confused? She's not sure if whatever the creature is doing with its face counts as an expression. But it does seem… curious, undeniably so, it tilted her head at her, and looked at her with its curious brown eyes before leaning forward. That, of course, scared the soul out of Ciro.
“Eek! Stay away!”
Now it looks surprised, kind of. It backs away slightly, with their back facing the entrance of the cave, a harsh ray of sunlight peered through the cave’s mouth and some violent wind can be heard. It still stared at her, with that… admittedly… beautiful brown eyes, she's never seen it before. She found herself locking gaze with the creature, feeling a strange sensation as she did.
“Uhm…….. hi”
She suddenly strangely relaxed, as if she didn't just experience ejecting out of her exploding ship and meeting a foreign alien right after. But it got her mind calm, and more rational, now that she is, she should probably stop calling it creature, it's undoubtedly sapient. It had clothes, a terrifying helmet as she recalls, and clearly some decent technology, looking at… gnarly looking weapon resting on the wall next to them.
“π¥! ¥^# £¥¢@!”
It- no… they spoke again, it kind of sounds like an introduction, but it's not like Ciro knows what it means so who knows, could be a threat. They kept staring at her, rather inappropriately. Their eyes wandered to somewhere on Ciro’s lower body, and pointed at it with one of their five clawed fingers. She was about to think about the predatorial implications that the claw gave her, but she's too busy panicking about the wound on her stomach right now.
“Oh God…”
It’s patched up, neatly and appropriately, but also rather tightly. The moment she became aware of it the pain came rushing through like a busted dam. She held her stomach as she curled to a fetal position, tears coming out of her eyes.
“Argh…!”
That's when a hand grabbed her shoulder, she looked up to see the… she should really give it a name, the first thing to come out of her pained mind is critter, and she stuck with it. Critter was staring at her, they seemed to be worried, Critter looked around, before getting up and running towards a dark green colored backpack. Critter rummages through it, before finding what they were looking for, signified by them going what Ciro assumes to be “AHA!”
“Huh?”
They ran up to her and presented it in their hands, an assortment of what look like pills, they're giving her medication?
“I… i can't, i don't know what's in it, it can- ergh!... Mmph… it can kill me…”
Critter insisted, all the while looking at her with all the worry in the world, for a second she wanted to question why it’s so… passionate? The amount of compassion shown to someone they probably have never seen before, it’s kind of sweet. She would appreciate it, if she's not in great pain right now, with a shake of the head she refused the pills, leaving Critter confused and even more worried.
“Sorry… i can't”
Ciro closed her eyes, maybe if she can get her mind away from it the pain would recede. She got nothing, even though her kind is known for how well they can handle their own minds she can't seem to suppress it. But when something touched her head she calmed down, it felt warm, and comfortable, and soft. She opened her eyes again to see Critter…
“...?”
“Uh…”
Are they…. Are they petting her? They are, and it… it feels good, oddly so.
—
Rika caressed Pinky's, they seemed to be in pain and when she offered them painkillers, they refused, she was at a loss at how to calm them down, until she remembered something. When she was little, she found a stray kitten that wandered near her home. It was crying and she had no clue how to calm it down, until she touched the kitty’s head and petted it.
“Okay? Are you okay?”
Her dad didn't like kittens, made him go achoo achoo, he calls it… al… ler… gi…? Something like that, she's not very good at spelling. Doesn't matter though, Pinky looks to be enjoying it, they're not crying any more, that's good if you ask her. A couple of minutes pass, filled with nothing but oddly awkward silence and the sound of someone being petted.
“Hmm?”
When she was done Pinky had completely stopped crying and holding their tummy. At the same time they seemed to snap out of a trance, and looked at her, she replied with a smile, after remembering that Pinky doesn't speak like her.
“Hi!”
She tried anyway, surely anyone knows what a "hi" is right?. Surely, as sure as the lightness in her head, she felt it suddenly, it was unpleasant and it felt like someone was poking the inside of her head.
“Ow…. That hurts”
She laid down on the cave floor, and wondered why she's like this all of a sudden. She looked at dust carried by the wind outside. It might be that the air can be kind of funky sometimes, she should really cover the cave with a tarp. She did just that, though making sure the tarp’s color can blend in with the surrounding is a little hard when she can barely even focus from all the lightheadedness.
“There… set and sound… ow…”
She's still feeling it, even more severe now. Probably because it already got to her, oh well, what can she do? It should pass soon enough, she's been through more, a headache is not going to take her down, maybe. She sat down next to her rifle and sighed, messaging her head as she did, it relieved some of the pain, but didn't make it go away.
“Hmph…”
Maybe she should go back trying to talk with Pinky, maybe that can calm it down-
“Hey…”
“Huh?”
—
One thing Qo’kvells can do other than telepathically communicate with each other is… look into the mind of a non-Qo'kvell. Unethical, dishonorable, despisable, medically problematic, since it hurts anyone who isn't mentally capable, which everyone who is not a Qo’kvell. But… it can help, in some things. Like… knowing the ill intentions of others, or a problem in their mind, or getting to know them, or… learning their language.
“Ow…”
And she has never seen a language so complicated it hurts her head just thinking about it. Not until she probed Critter’s head, to see if there's a way to communicate, it visibly affected them, but they handled it far-far better than anyone else, most would pass out in the first 3 seconds, Critter seems mostly unfazed. From it, she knows a lot, but understands few, she did learn Critter is a she, so hey, fellow girls at least.
“Mmh… oh… I shouldn't have done this…”
And her intent is well, she's trying to help her, the pills she offered were painkillers, and she saved Ciro from her pod’s burning wreckage. She suppose she can thank her, but learning a language takes some time and brain effort, and it certainly hurts, so she holds off for now. Critter’s memory is hazy, and hard to reach, it’s almost like her brain is actively fighting against her telepathy.
Maybe I should say something… hmm… this is… a word for introduction right? I hope, please don't be a slur or something’
“Hey…”
“Huh?”
‘did it work?’
“H-hi…”
From Critter's memory, she learned that waving her hand seems to be some sort of introductory gesture, so she did that. She was expecting shock, but what she got was a very happy Critter, who seemed to instantly forget about their headache.
“you can talk!”
“A… small-”
‘wait, no that's wrong’
“Me… mean… little?”
‘That's also wrong, what in the lands below is this language?!’
“Who are you? What's your name? I'm Rika! I’m friend!”
She can barely understand that wall of words, she did hear a name… Wi… no, Ric… e? No, wrong again, Ri… ka…? Sounds… correct-ish. She also noticed she was being asked her name, she tried her best to piece it together using the strange letters of Rika’s language.
“am… Ce… ehm, no… Ci… Ciro”
“Ciro? Oh man… Pinky is not right at all”
She has no clue what Rika is talking about, and it’s probably best she doesn't question it. But now she has to ask the important questions. She tried her best to form a sentence in her head before trying to speak. She could just try and probe again, but her head’s not having it so neither does she.
“When… no, me mea- no… I mean… Where… am… i?”
“Hmmm? oh, we’re in a cave”
“I… know… I mean… what place?”
“What? Uh… Oh! Yes, you’re not from here, sorry, we’re in a desert! My dad calls it wasteland, i don't know why, i don't a see a lot of trash out here”
Wasteland? Desert wasteland? Ciro was curious, what kind of species prefers to live in a desert? Wasteland no less?
“Why?”
“The whole world is like this, dad calls it end of the world, i don't see anything ending out here, so i don't really know”
End of the world… Ciro realized the grim implications of that sentence and frowned, with a bit of pity towards Rika.
“”stranded in post apocalyptic planet, great””
“What? You speak weird again”
“Oh… apologiz- uh, i mean, sorry, it is n-native… mouth”
“Oh, i’ve heard of that, dad used to tell me other people can speak another way, can you teach me?”
Rika’s eyes light up, she seems oddly innocent and childlike in… well… apocalypse, for gods know how long. She suppose education isn't as strong as it used to be in that condition, but shouldn't Rika be a bit more… aware?
“N-no, it… hard”
“Aww… it’s fine, you can speak like me anyway, how do you do it?”
“I…”
She's not sure what to say, Rika probably doesn't know what telepathy is, or maybe and she does, Ciro’s got nothing on her culture.
“Just… special… thing, i can do”
“Ooh!... What is it?”
“Difficult… explain… t-to explain, i mean”
“It’s okay… are you good? You’re wounded, i took care of it but you were still hurt”
“Am… fine”
She's really not, but she's functional which is good enough, Rika’s work on her wounds was surprisingly exceptional.
“Great!... Hmm… do you want to go with me?”
“W-where?”
“Hold on! Let me get it!”
Rika ran to her bag again, and took out some sort of… square? It unfolded to a large rectangular shape, is it made of… paper?
‘Her species still uses paper?’
She was a bit confused, if they can make advanced medicine then shouldn't they be way past that? Then she was reminded by the sound of the violent wind outside.
‘oh yeah… apocalypse’
She ran back to him all excited, Ciro can practically taste the thick naivety of this girl as she spoke with the largest smile she has ever seen.
“We’re here, not too far away from my home, but that's not where I'm going! I wanna go here! Look!”
She pointed to a drawing that resembles a mountain.
“It’s a really tall mountain! My dad’s been there before! He said it looks very pretty!”
“What… for?”
“To meet someone! My dad said there's someone very special there! That I should meet them! He said it’s important for everyone too… but he wanted to tell me first!”
Rika kept mentioning this “”dad””, and Ciro is going to go out on a limb to guess this dad is her parent.
“Is… dad mother?”
“Wha? No! My dad is a man! Strongest man ever!”
‘so a father?’
“Where is… dad?”
All the light in Rika’s eyes disappeared, replaced with something that made Ciro uneasy. Even when only partially connected, she can feel a strong feeling of sorrow from Rika, if she was probing her head Ciro probably would have been dead or atleast incapacitated from the sudden emotional overload.
“I…. Sorry”
“It’s okay… but he told me to go here, he gave me everything he has, and taught me everything, he said it can save me, everyone, i don't know what he means… but i’ll do it, for him, it’s all he always wanted”
Her voice wasn't as energetic as before, far from it. Ciro noticed that Rika glanced at the terrifying looking weapon on the wall, it seems it's more than just a tool of self defense.
“Ah… anyway, do you want to come with me?”
Ciro weighted her choices, she doesn't know this planet, she doesn't know how it is like after whatever happened to it, she doesn't know if others of Rika’s kind are as friendly as her, or if they even consider her approachable at all, she doesn't know how to survive, she's not that kind of person. At this point, she's not even worried, she nodded in response to her question, and perhaps, in a pleasant turn of event, Rika lit up once again, back to how she was.
“So you want to be friends?!”
“Y-yes…”
‘that feels regrettable in the long run’
“Yeeee! First friend! Uhm… oh, i forgot to ask, where are you from? Why are you riding that light?”
“What?”
“I save you, from a burning pit, light from the sky landed there, are you from up there? Why are you here?”
Ciro decided it doesn't hurt to just tell Rika, she would probably be more impressed and excited than terrified that there are other civilizations out there.
“Am from… uh… space, above sky, i am a…. Ko’k ehm… Q… Qo’kvell…”
“Above the sky? In the stars?”
Ciro was right, she looks absolutely excited.
“Yes… my kind… explore stars, am explorer”
“Oh! Are you exploring down here? What is it like up there?”
“Hard… to explain, explain… later”
“Aww… okay… let's go now should we? Storm is smaller now, we can go”
Rika was right, the wind outside had calmed down.
“Shure… S-sure, i mea- AHH!”
Rika pulled her up from her sitting position, and tore through cover protecting the cave from the winds outside. Outside was… bright, and hot, unpleasant, they seemed to be in a valley between two mountains. All Ciro can see is a dry landscape where trees used to be, hinted by the dry stumps barely poking out of the gravel and sand. A complete terraformation is she has to guess, something hit this planet hard.
“Wait here! I'll go get my stuff first!”
Ciro wondered how Rika managed to survive all this, but the more time she spent with her the more it seems to her Rika grew up in all of this, not forced into it.
‘how long has it been?’
“Let's go! We’re still far from it!”
Rika came out of the cave, bag on her back and weapon in hand.
“Where… is… vehicle?”
“Oh! It’s right here!”
She walked up to a large rock and pointed to it, Ciro was confused until Rika grabbed it and it turned out to be some sort of camouflage cover. It was nearly invisible, blending in with everything else, and it's clear why that is, her vehicle isn't the most discreet. Two wheels, all black, armored plates for the front and rear were welded to a long metal pole which itself is bolted on the vehicle’s side, acting as a mount for the armor.
“Hmm…”
“Cool right? My dad made it himself! He said it can’t ever go down!”
“Good… protection”
The mostly rubber wheels are slightly spiky, and have large ridges, probably to get better grip on smooth sand, and spikes for snow maybe?. It has two seats, one in front, one in the rear, surprisingly comfy looking seats despite all its brutal aspects. Rika got on it, and inserted a metal key, and the vehicle let out a fearsome roar. A mechanical Ignition tells Ciro that Rika’s kind probably isn't incredibly advanced.
‘no offense Rika…”
“Come on up! Another storm is probably coming soon! We don't want to get stuck!”
“O-okay…”
She got up on the back seat, it’s apparently leather, she wondered what kind of animal it came from.
“Ready?”
“Ye- EEK!”
Rika accelerated without warning, causing Ciro to almost fall off, she held onto Rika by hugging her, it felt inappropriate, but she seems fine with it. Ciro’s fine with it too, she's oddly comfortable to hold, maybe it’s just the heat from her body, she noticed that in the cave when she was being… petted, Rika's kind must be hot blooded.
‘Sigh… stranded in a wasteland planet, with a species never encountered before… How lucky am i?’
It would be any star mapper’s wet dream, that's for sure, she just wishes it went a little different, less explosions and less being stranded.
‘if only you’re here, mom’

I have recently evolved my beliefs in the last 5-6 years where I no longer consider myself religious, in regards to religious beliefs while also just considering myself spiritual.
I do not follow a title of what I am or anything, but believe in my soul that it's important to do meaningful celebrations and traditions that align with my lifestyle, values, personal beliefs in order to honor my personhood and a healthy balance of ensuring I don't self-abandon myself.
I don't want to put myself into a box ever again, so I just focus on being intuned with myself.
I now think that life is just way too short to do stuff just because that's how you were raised or was taught to do.
I've overcome a lot of religious abuse as well as the mindset in which I was raised and that of my origin family. Some of my most traumatic life experiences happened on the account of my 'upbringing', the beliefs I was raised to believe, a result of religious abuse and generational trauma, where those dogmatic scriptures, beliefs and texts led me to continually go down roads that did not protect me for the simple fact that they pushed 'self-sacrifice' and 'religious-pleasing lifestyles' that do not compliment, protect, and support positive outcomes for women, and sometimes children. I was taught to just do it because that's what the religion inspires, or what the social constructs say to do.
It did not help that I just didn't know any better-I've let go the regret of this innocent ignorance and grief that it initially brought on. Looking back, I cringe at the decisions, choices, and 'enduring' I had survived from that awful upbringing-I now recognize that as, the 'hidden abuse' for a good internal family image-that I too was not aware of until recently, and just the disgusting dysfunctional family dynamic that has revealed itself since I've started to slash those generational curses.
I was abused by one parent growing up by the way, and told the other who did nothing but 'took ME to my extended family's church'. They never stopped it, protected me or stood up for me. Now, much later in adulthood I'm realizing that both of them were abusive, just in different ways and I understand my psycho-emotional disconnect from them and my origin family in general because I spoke up when it happened, even later in early adulthood and I never realized the pattern of describing me as 'dramatic' or continually trying to treat me like a child despite my very grown-up adult age, were and is their way of trying to force suppression of my voice, independence, growth, healness, and strength.
My other siblings are dismissive and become extremely argumentative or defensive of our 'loving parents' with any mention of how we grew up, or verbally attack me/talk about me to other family members like I'm the one with the issues with any effort I put forth to ask questions of why and to hold them accountable, or to just disassociate with an image I know is false, have my own life and live truly as a loving and peaceful person, or even just enforce the boundaries that I need that provide safety and continual psycho, emotional, mental, and antimanipulative protection.
I've finally realized that my growth, healness, counseling and the completion of my adult therapy program was and is a threat to the fake image they've all created after all these years. I did not tell them that I've done the work and have finally woke up from this reality due to therapy, because they don't know my current life business and just speculate and make up rumors and assumptions about me and what I have going on or why I'm 'acting' the way I'm 'acting' as truth, without ever even trying to even talk to me or not just assumes someone's continual triangulation is even the truth.
I am at peace, extremely successful and have overcome many things that would typically break the average person. Any reinforcement of boundaries, standing up for myself or attempt to distance myself from my parents since realizing how f'd up they did me when this was happening-even with my forgiving them for this throughout my life.
However, the older I get, when they continue to display the same patterns that were present during the abuse, now, including the thought of why did I even allow them a relationship with me in my life as an adult-because I get so disgusted with even the thought I'd ever allow a child to be abused by my spouse and let alone, stay married to them for decades afterwards. I can't believe I invited them to my wedding and we were the 'loving' bride's side...why was I so like "this is my family and we love each other, we're a close happy family" in my adulthood so long still? Until I woke up? There's so much I've since resolved with my therapist and have done the work to heal from-these are just questions to share the process I went through for insight. Also---It's really pathetic when I think about how different of a compassionate and truly loving person that I've become. I couldn't even fathom allowing abuse in my life or anything even remotely close to it or especially to be done to a CHILD...but here's more of how all my realizations have led me to where I am now:
I am SO glad that I am the VERY manifestation of 'WHEN you know BETTER, you DO better'...oh how the magicalness and bravery of individuals like Maya Angelou, Terrance Howard, and other past/currently alive ascended masters, who did and are leaving the breadcrumbs that nourish the souls of humanity on Earth today... The awakening and true freedom of thought and consciousness of myself has not only changed, but has elevated my existence, and my life.
I now experience the divine nature of love and revelation on a spiritual level that has brought abundance to me in every way and at every level.
I've done so much work, healing, therapy, service, reflection and growth, that the peace I feel daily, is what I never imagined happiness would be like.
To purely love and evolve as I truly am and meant to be, it's frustrating when the one group who we're taught is supposed to 'really' be your people, have been everything but that.
In the last 4 years, my life before now had been turned upside-down. In retrospect from now, I see why, as it had catapulted me into the healed, peaceful and abundant life that I have now.
...But, when everything started to happen, I really THOUGHT they (my family of origin) were there for me. I went to them for guidance and advice-I hadn't awakened to my newfound wisdom-filled reality at this point yet-and they appeared caring, so I thought...
I went to them because I thought they were the only people in my life by this point, who truly loved me 'unconditionally'. Much happened. I took some of their advice in the very beginning, but at the same time I started to remember who the ... I am...and it was on and popping from there, Baby!
From the multiple crises that I'd found myself in all those years ago: I went to therapy, did counseling, shadow work and started reparenting my inner child. I journaled and started to meditate and the answers flowed through me. I allowed the plan for my life to take shape and one after another, I started to solve my problems, so gracefully, all while growing, healing, and finding the peace that I had in my life before these many situations developed. However, it was on a whole other level, an intrinsic peace that scaffolded into a snowball of peace in every area I've ever struggled.
In the last year though, I have survived what I would consider my dark night of the soul and I feel remembered, like, renewed into the person I always had been, but wasn't aware of until now.
I now have strong boundaries that not only protect me, but they also hold me accountable to gracefully standing up for myself, my own personhood, my values, my beliefs, and that which keep me committed to the lessons I learned so painfully over these last few years, just from the 'not knowing any better' and...whew...religion, patriarchy, and so much more of how I was raised that pain-wrenchingly just set me up for failure in this life, if I never had made a change.
I'm SO happy I learned about just how all these constructs and societal blockages were NOT for my flourishing in life, on my own. Finally, the realization.
The more healed, awakened, and spiritual I became, the more I realized the family system that I was raised in, saw me as a threat. Looking back, so much of what I went through and was done to me was beyond messed up and downright wrong and abusive.
So now, there's this awkwardness of not knowing the true extent of the abuse in how I was raised beyond what I can remember...but what I do remember was jail-worthy and I remember calling out that the parent who was doing it deserved jailtime, but I was bullied, threatened with homelessness and I was a child. I didn't know about all the resources available or what I could do besides tell my other parent. 😪
...I did try to call out the obvious stuff as I got older, but I didn't understand that I was covertly bullied and gaslit when I tried to stand up originally...I was always told I need to 'forgive and forget'...and what would ... do? And... 'as a .... we are here to love thy neighbor...' bluh blue bluh...-My whole life, I didn't realize that I was the family scapegoat until 2024.
No matter how much I tried with the things I knew were outwardly morally wrong then, it wasn't until therapy that anyone in addition to myself validated my experiences; that abuse is abuse, every last form of it, and it doesn't matter in what context it happens: religious or political and about 20 other different forms, is not okay...
-So back to the awkwardness of having this lifelong 'close family' that I once thought was so strong and healthy, loving, both parents still together and 'in love', all 8 siblings with 'decent' relationships (not really, they're all really toxic, invisibly debted with that unseen abuse like financial-emotional-mental- cheating/sexual-behind closed doors-whats stays in this house type dysfunction that I'm sure I haven't seen because-behind closed doors-the same trifling household we were raised in), my whole life...UNTIL I LITERALLY woke up within the last year to REALIZE how JACKED UP they were and are. Thinking back to all the times I was not supported or protected, I was the one in the family, out of all 10 who was ever truly genuine, purely intentioned, loved unconditionally...and had no complex with CONTROL...just, it was just me...
Ask me how I know...
The very situations I've found myself in these last 6 years, when I deconstructed from all things religious and political or anti-dignity, when I started to stand up against things without fear, that were not okay, or for the true safety and benefit of humanity of living beings...EVERYTHING started to crumble and I BECAME public enemy number one in my origin family and then marriage. I hate that I grew up so green and just didn't know about stuff until it happened to me in adulthood like misogyny, chauvinism, patriarchy, that 'women are less than' mindset because I would have not married my ex-I was so naive and innocent/blind. I thought how I carried myself was strong and 'obedient' to the 'Word'- NEVER AGAIN-this second half of life will be my path, what makes me feel safe, protected, honored, loved, cherished, happy, filled with joy, and at peace.
At first it was covert while they 'mistakenly forgot my boundaries' or 'didn't know what I'm doing now'...or the 'assuming and then making up their own thing and spreading the lie-behind my back"...
Also, any attempt to speak up and honor the abuse and neglect in childhood that I've overcome and have healed from and ask simple acknowledgment for from my parents, turns into excessive triangulation bringing everyone into the mix (again, in the shadows without my knowledge and behind my back), to point out my downfalls I literally just overcome and healed from these last 4 years, and then continue making up lies about me, spreading false rumors to extended family I don't engage with, don't have a relationship with, or whom I've cut off for being too toxic never changing... making more false grandiose accusations, saying I've talked about or down about people, made claims that I'm better than everyone, that it's all about me...etc...literally because all I did was reiterate my boundaries I've set, called people out for it, who have done toxic things to me. This is in addition to being accused of being all kinds of things because I've 'distanced' myself (from people who are not kind to me and who talk about me behind my back and have called me cruel names for calling them out on the toxic behavior they display towards me for being my own person and holding my ground on my own decisions as a full 30+ year old adult with my own family).
-I literally have an ~ 8+ minute voice-mail of an origin family member talking to someone about me like a dog, of all my private business, the hardships I've survived in the last 6 years-victim-blaming me, and even making up quite a bit...because they unknowingly butt-dailed me last month and I received it and listened to the whole thing-and haven't confronted them yet because I have in the past and it just became a huge cesspool of DARVO, and because I know it'll be a waste of time).
Now, for the last year, they know nothing and instead speculate and make up downright lies about me and my life. 🙄
They have everyone sharing lies about me between the family, calling me after not hearing from them for months and trying to start arguments over nonexistent issues we've never had, taking a statement out of context and championing as a 'see see see she's doing this or that to me when they are the one calling me out of the blue (after already having done previous things to me that I yet again addressed and was ignored about, never chaning the behavior or apologizing) and trying to start stuff with me while I was minding my own business...
...all this from a recent holiday that I no longer celebrate that they're fully aware of.
They know I'm no longer religious, I have different beliefs and values now and instead of respecting it, they spread rumors, accusations, lies, unproven opinions, attempting various forms of triangulation to target me.
What makes it worse is that my relationship with my parents are so strained. They both took part in the abuse I suffered as a child. Being that I thought I had a really good relationship with one of them until this recent realization (I realized recently that they both were guilty, not just the one who committed it, the other always acted like they didn't know-but they did and admitted it recently). No say strained is an understatement honestly, but I had trying to at least be LC because of their relationship with my own family I've had since adulthood.
However, it was becoming increasingly difficult to even be around their religious talk and 'fake I love all my neighbors, I practice the daily religious routines everyday and read the text daily I'm so devout' act...
On the outside they look like they are just the epitome of devout faith individuals and they are living in according to what religious dogma aim for, all while secretly knowing what they did and allowed in our household-all my memories are very clear to this day, especially since I've awakened.
First Xmas was an issue even though that was a boundary for me. I suggested they were welcomed to celebrate the winter solstice with me, they declined, and I respected that. I offered a nice dinner the week beforehand as an alternative.
Then it was Easter, I declined (as I've reminded them that I hold different beliefs and values now which have really cultivated my lifestyle being different from theirs now, and reminded them that it is not difficult for me to respect their beliefs and values; that I expect the same level of respect from them). As an alternative, since they too were interested in celebrating for a totally different holiday/celebration, as I honor the spring solstice, I suggested a nice lunch on a regular unanchored day to any meaning, and to drive to the country and have a day of exploration where we could end with a dessert picnic on a rolling hill in the place I mentioned. They declined.
Since fully coming out the spiritual closet, most of my origin family has either lied about their communication service being interrupted, they have to work-most don't have jobs, or that they are so busy in their schedules, but are on social media all day-secretly being judgemental talking about people in general (strangers on the internet) who are in very difficult life/hard personal situations where they judge them based on the patriarchal and religious dogma we were raised in. It's really sad to me I have no more interest in engaging with negative people.
But what's really pathetic is they make up rumors and lies about me and start drama for my having my own separate lifestyle now everytime a national political holiday (tied to some form of historical trauma) or a religious holiday comes around as they (mentally try to) attack me because I didn't celebrate or 'honor' them-all while not knowing I have proof of every last one of them talking about me badly behind my back with lies and/or spreading rumors about me that aren't true. Literally.
The last straw was the most recent holiday, not calling or contacting them because I refuse to have or remind them for the 1,000,000th time about that boundary and standing up for my beliefs-it's so exhausting.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to live around positive, encouraging and accepting people who live by love and honoring everyone's humanity no matter their religion, gender, sex, background, status, etc...and just being kind to people in general, as long as they're not murdering or harming others (outside of self defense, like TRUE self-defense and not the kind cruel people try to use as a cover to inflict harm), everyone has a right to believe in and have the values that make them feel safe and whole.
Long story short, I know I am not the AH for standing my ground and protecting my personhood and that NO ONE on earth is entitled to what I believe, value, or what I choose to celebrate or not.
*I'd like to add a note that I have done especially deep, caring, loving, and acknowledgingly beautiful actions throughout every year my whole entire life and not just since this recent change in these last few years, like 12-20 times a year.
I no longer try to keep explaining or trying to defend why I'm defending myself against disrespect and people who are not gentle towards me like I've been with them throughout my life, always there, always the one to support.
I just do not care anymore, if I have to be along or start my (chosen) family this time around, I will. I just despise drama and toxicity. I will not let it permeate into the peaceful life I've fault to build.
(Thank you if you've made it this far)
-The Recently Realized Family Scapegoat and origin family generational curse-breaker

This was originally posted by u/ObjectivePea516 and u/RhinoRev40 who posted to relationship_advice
Original Post May 2nd, 2024
u/ObjectivePea516
My boyfriend of 9 months purchased a home and said he bought it with “me” in mind as we have talked about a future and wanting to have a family. We have had many serious talks about our relationship and we’ve both met each other’s families. He previously lived in a home for several years and has always thought about changing his living situation and also wasn’t sure if he even wanted to stay to live in the same city. To my surprise, he went to see a house without me knowing and put in an offer. Long story short his offer was accepted and he’s made comments about how he thought about this house for us eventually. I’m not sure how to feel about it, I’m really happy that he got a house he really likes and at the price he got it for. But I feel we’re not there yet to move in with each other. Also, in no way did I have a say in the decision of this house or the location so I don’t think him to say he got the house with “me” in mind is fair. He hasn’t considered the commute for me to travel to work or anything that would be considered specifically to actually having me in mind. He bought this home one block away from his previous house as he will be renting out that home now, so this home by default is a great location for him overall. I’m not sure how to feel about his comments and his expectations with me and the house.
Additionally, I am a student and the closing of his house happened to be the very busiest week of exams and assignments I had due. We had conversations about how I could not help him move and there seemed to be an understanding, that week consisted of working on a presentation, studying for an exam and working on a paper. Any other free time I had I invested in self care such as working out or doing yoga. However, on one of those days I posted a selfie where I was proud to have accomplished so much in the morning before going into work and he got extremely upset about this. He went on to say I didn’t care to help him move and that I didn’t want to help him move essentially and made a huge deal about it as he bought this house with “me” in mind. What do you think of this?
Edit to give more context:
​

• The house was bought entirely with his money. I have zero financial contribution to this.

​

• We never talked about a specific time frame when I would move in. It was a discussion about how it’s something we both would want eventually

​

• We did talk about how I would contribute when that time comes, in which I mentioned expenses such as hydro, utilities, internet etc..I also made it clear that in no way was I expecting a free ride and not to contribute anything. That’s just not my character.

​

• The selfie that was posted was a close up shot of my face with sunglasses on and enjoying my coffee! I had made a list of accomplishments of tasks I did that day and wrote it in this picture: “meal prep ✅, work out ✅, coffee ✅, sunshine ✅… great way starting my day so far!”

UPDATE: How would you feel if your boyfriend (M38) of 9 months purchases a home and says it’s for you (F34)? We Broke Up! May 17, 2024
Original post
https://www.reddit.com/relationship_advice/s/qlMCWJePi8
I realized that when we talked about the reality of me moving in with him, I mentioned that I could sell all my furniture but would want and need to keep my desktop computedesk, his response to me was that he wouldn’t let me have my own room for that and to get a laptop instead. The man has an entire room dedicated to his sneakers. When I also mentioned the commute and how I’d have to pay for parking, as I take the subway to work currently, (not a big deal in comparison to paying for the mortgage, but still an expense) he said there could be days he could drive me, then followed it up with “but you don’t ever drive me to work”.
He did not buy the house with “me” in mind at all. It’s clear that this is HIS house and he wasn’t going to share his space in any other way besides how he wanted it.
We had plans for me to come over on a specific day but had also fought. I admitted and apologized that I could have put my anger aside and came to help. However, I wanted reassurance that he understood that if I have my own priorities and we discussed this, he cannot throw it in my face and tell me I did not meet his needs. I’m not saying of course that in any in case I would not drop something for my partner in an emergency. I did not feel that he understood this. And when I tried to explain this he said that I was “retracting my apology”..I just kept feeling constantly misunderstood and having to defend myself in this relationship with other issues as well. That was the end of that. Better to cut it off sooner than later and before taking the relationship to the next level of commitment. It definitely sucks.
AND I showed him this thread in which he of course was upset, says he felt betrayed. He called me “entitled” as he thinks I am saying I he bought it FOR me, which I am not in any way. He’s missing the point for this post in which I think he doesn’t want to take accountability for not acknowledging he was wrong for throwing it in my face. The main point was guilt tripping and using the “I bought it with you in mind” response. Because clearly, even if the commute was not in mind (currently, I live in an expensive area so to not buy a house here is a valid point), the ability to actually live with him was not with me in mind! He really absolutely did not care about me as a person and my needs or even can understand what a real relationship is. He skimmed through all 565 comments and screenshotted the best ones that validated him and sent them to me to prove, he’s a “good guy”.
MY SIDE: My ex ( 36 not 34F) made a post saying I ( 42/M) told her I bought her house and has blocked me from commenting. How about I share some context? May 18th, 2024
u/RhinoRev40
Her post: https://www.reddit.com/relationship_advice/s/ooTwyFNwWk She only showed me this a few days ago, but for the past couple of weeks my now ex gf has been curating the truth to extract as much validation as she can from this situation, and has prevented me from commenting or sharing my side.
She admits that I actually said - that I bought a house with us in mind. I did say that. When i first met her, I was moving away to LA. I had already lived in a home that was paid off for 12 years, but when i met her; i decided that maybe it's best and continue to build a life here, and should things work out, we could figure out a future together.
I had been looking at the market and one day, an amazing house came on the block, for 300k less than it was a months ago. I pounced and went to see it. That night i told her i saw a place, i even sent her the photos and said, i'm going to place an offer, which i did.
She seemed to love the place and see how much of an upgrade it would be from my current place - this is a 2M house, with 4 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, 2 living rooms and most importantly, a garage as my cars kept getting stolen since i didn't have one at my current place.
There was never mention of us moving in together right away, at the time we were together for 6 months, wayyyy too soon. We weren't even saying "i love you yet" - and i did say that once actually, and she just didn't return it anyways.
That being said, since we spend 95%% of our time sleeping at my place when we see each other once a week, figure this would be good for us, and when it is time, we could move in together there and go from there.
She loved the place, from what she said, this was supposed to be a positive.
Now let's rewind though.
3 months into the relationship, she asked to borrow 4000$. I was not comfortable with it, but as usual, she made herself seem so much in need, that I couldn't say no and just break up with her there, but now I realize i should have. She guilted me sayinf that couples have to work together and be there for each other and all that jazz.
The fact is, within those first 3 months, i had brought her to LA while i had to be there on business and the total cost of the week that she was there was around 3K. Then, over xmas, we went to another city, another 2-3K, as well as a punta cana vacation for 7K. So after all that is when she decided to ask me, and you don't need to be a genius to realize thst she chose me because clearly, she pinned me as having the money to.
Had this been my wife or long term gf, this wouldn't of been an issue, but 3 months in - this was a big flag and i talked to her about it. As usual, and as a pattern throughout this relationship, she would get extremely angry, lose her cool and make me feel bad for "questioning her character".
So, fast forward to me actually moving into this house over a 3 week period. She helped none whatsoever, never offered and my own family, friends, and people who were working at the house asked me about it apl the time. Oh she has school, oh she texts me though and so on. Completely MIA until of course friday or saturday night where she wanted to go for dinners or go to shows - that we did, of course.
One day, once her exams had tailed down and she told me she was waking up early to write a photo, i saw that she posted a sunshine kissed selfie saying: yoga! Meal prep! Coffee! Sunshine!
And i wrote her privately: " you know, i feel you could have at least offered to help in some way today". Again, she loses it, tells me : " you know you don't have to tell me something just because it bothers you" and then eventually she says, and i will never forget this ever : " don't you think you're expecting a little much of me for 7/8 months of dating"?
I was shocked. For some reason, pressuring your bf for a 4000$ loan 3 months in, but offering help in any way over a 3 week period is too much.
I called it off, decided i don't need her and this relationship wouldn't work with this set of values we don't share.
A couple of days later, after trying whatever she could to flip this whole fight on me, constantly chaging the goal post as a pattern i had identified and made her aware of repeatedly over those 7/8 months, she eventually showed up unannounced, apologizing profusely, and apparently seeming to genuinely recognize that it wasn't right, and she could have offered.
I took some of the responsibility once she did, and said that maybe, i could have been more direct as to when and how.
We resolved, we started to laugh again, this was a fight that we would "learn from" we both said.
Well, last week we disagreed for another simple issue, and she blew up as she does, yelling, calling my life chaotic, calling me eveything she can think of, and then says she resents me for wanting her to help with the house when she had exams!
Basically she took back the apology fully and stormed out of the house, i did not chase her. I did not text her, and i did not want to negotiate at all anymore.
The next morning she said she acted like that because i told her she was fucked. Tbh, i don't remember saying that, but i probably did as she was having a massive blow up.
I apologized for saying that she is fucked because afterall, whatever i do is in my control and tried my very best to get her to see that blowing up like that, is her behavior to be accountable for.
That's when she shared the original thread... again - no words, shocked that for a couple of weeks in the background she had been farming all these comments about me, sharing our personal stuff and curating it in a way to make herself look like, you guessed it, a "victim" whose boyfriend "bought her a house"?
We met off hinge. She asked to borrow 3K from me 3 months in, and I told her since then that it just didn't look good at all, and I'd hate to have something like that i couldn't even share with my friends / family.
The facts are that she only shared as the relationship went on:

• she is over 40k in debt

​

• Got fired from her nursing job because the educator had it in for her

​

• Missed out on receiving funding from the school because of their online portal

​

• Wasn't able to apply to graduate because the school didn't let her know properly

​

• Hates her parents even though they gabe her a car, paid for her exams and other failed attempts at schooling in the past

​

• Told me that her last relationship was "toxic" and she didn't see a future with him but stayed with him for 3 years and when they broke up, he threatened to jump off their building, same building she currently lives in - where 1 bedroom costs more than my previous mortage did for the 12 years that i paid it.

Overall, yes i had reason to play it slow with her. I didn't want her moving in on a technicality, or making me responsible for all her bills or getting trapped if things didn't work out.
I didn't buy her a house, i bought my house, in cash, paid in full and she was well aware that.
I bought a house because I had settling down in my current city in mind after meeting and had hoped it would work out.
But here she is complaining about if she would have an office in it, for...nursing?
A shoe room? I have 25 pairs of shoes in a closet. The spare bedroom would be for a baby's room, possibily if my future half is comfortable with that. Discussions would be had but i realized that discussions would never be had with her.
She has rage in her mind, a wild sense of entitlement and at present time is currently getting evicted from her apartment, and has no full time job but all the time in the world to make reddit posts for validation.
This problem is solved, she is not going to move in, and i am accountable for my house and hope she becomes accountable for "her house".
I welcome any comments / questions but i know I was dealing with a highly problematic person who will never truly realize her ways.
I am not the original poster. Please don't contact or comment on linked posts

I can't help but feel my girlfriend was taken advantage of and abused her whole life.
My girlfriend grew up in an abusive environment and her parents were super controlling so she also grew up isolated.
When she got to college she hooked up with two guys in the span of a week and has felt a lot of remorse for it and has a deep hatred of men.
She also accuses me of trying to pretend to be nice and caring to get in her pants which isn't true.
From what I gather those experiences were the only two sexual experiences she has which I asked when we talked about it because it's been bothering me and I'm trying to understand where she's coming from.
Both guys fucked her and kicked her to the curb afterwards as well as being verbally abusive during the sex. Not in the fun way in a bullying hateful way. No foreplay no oral nothing. I asked her if those guys pretended to be into her to get in her pants and what's why she's accusing me of doing it and she said she doesn't want to talk about it. The whole vibe around sex with her screams SA. Which is something I have endured myself .
I really suspect she was made to feel cared about and used for sex at best and possibly pressured or scared to say no at worst.
It all just had an icky feeling to it. The general vibe is more abuse and less no strings attached fun. It bothers me to no end. There's been times I've tried to ask if she was hurt and she just shuts the convo down I don't bring it up unless she does, but I do worry about her. It bothers me most that someone I have grown to love and value felt the need for casual sex to feel a human connection and then was thrown away as soon as the dudes got off. She said she did it because she was lonely and never had male attention so it felt good to get that attention. Yet when she talks about it she talks about the disparaging comments the guys made about her and her body. It makes me sick for real. I told her I think she was taken advantage of in some capacity and that the dudes seem like real pieces of shit
If someone pretends to like someone to gain access to them sexually that feels like some form of assault. My insecurities about hookups was replaced with anger. It's common and somewhat understandable to be a little insecure about hookups. I was don't ask don't tell on my relationship for a reason. I've always had a policy of I'm not gonna hook up with a girl that I wouldn't date because I don't want to hurt anyone and if I don't wanna be seen with the girl I'm going to be respectful and leave her alone even if she wants it so in short I've never hooked up.
My anger is at her family who raised her abusive and controlling environment. Her mom for letting men hit my girlfriend and worse. Anger at The men who did it. The fact she never truly felt loved in her life and any affection came with strings attached. I'm angry at her other family who's made disparaging comments about her. I'm angry at the men that fucked her, verbally abused her and threw her away like trash. I'm angry at the fact she felt the need to be intimate with strangers who treated her with such disrespect in order to feel any sort of connection . Id feel better if it was sexual exploration and done safe sane and fully consentual without hints of coersion. Sure I'd feel a insecure again. Id rather take the insecurity over feeling pissed at abstract things from the past that I couldn't change and happened before me. It's anger with no outlet.
I know that Abused people seek comfort wherever they can. Be that substances, sex, spending, food. If my girlfriend grew up with love and acceptance I doubt she would have had these encounters. When I put myself in her place I can see why she did it. Hell I've sexted women and put myself in relationships with abusive women seeking the same comfort and connection.
I feel guilt over my relationships and women I've talked to before her. I've gathered that overall I'm more experienced than her. I've talked to more women then she has men. I've had more sexual experience even though our number is the same. Her encounters to my long term relationships. Time for time I have more experience. I feel like shit for stuff I can't change.
I get this feeling like we both "missed out" some days I think about it we would have met sooner, how better things could be for both of us.She would have at least not been with guys who preyed on her trauma, I wouldn't have had abusive ex's she's asked if we would have been friends in highschool and I told her yeah if we knew each other. She's asked if I would have dated her back then and of course I would. I think we have a beautiful relationship as is. We love each other she melts my heart and I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else, I feel that shes my other half and I'm truly in love with this woman. Stronger love than I've ever felt before. It hurts that I didn't know her sooner to protect her from some of the shit she's been through. I'm her first relationship but she's not mine. We're neither of each others first in bed. I mean it hurts me that I didn't know she existed and we'd meet and I've slept with women who treated me badly. It hurts that she has trouble feeling loved by me. I keep my anger to her family to myself I don't know them but I'm angry at them. I'll be honest I hate em and I've never even met them. They use her as the scapegoat. They've given her nothing but a life full of horrific abuse that now as an adult she blames herself for it.
I present as a loving caring boyfriend which I am. But I keep all this anger and longing for a better past for both of us to myself. It hurts holding this in. I don't know how to process it or deal with it. I'm in therapy. I try to avoid topics that make me cry. I've tiptoed around things. I don't like crying in front of people. I'm crying writing this because I'm both so sad and so angry. I wanna know why. Why people are so shitty. Why one person has to be the punching bag their entire life. Why her family has to act like that. Why the dudes who used her for sex couldn't go for anyone else but the chick who craved love and a connection, they could have at least been decent and not caused more trauma out the door.
I know as a Christian we're called to forgive. I've heard picking up trespasses is a sin, but I can't help but feel a tremendous anger. Is it that wrong to be angry on another's behalf? I feel like someone has to. She doesn't speak up for herself and has normalized everything that's happened to her. Deep down it just hurts. I made a post the other day about not being able to feel the spark and after digging deep that feeling went away and we had a conversation where I explained to her that the way she has been treated isn't okay and she deserves better, but I am left with this anger at those who's wronged me and truth be told anger at those who have wronged me especially in relationships. Me and her work hard daily to make the relationship work and overcome our anxieties and worry from the past. We love each other deeply and she's someone I want to spend my life with. I want to start a family with her. She's honestly my best friend and we get along so well. She's a beautiful soul. I feel like this is where all my anger at those who hurt her comes from because well no one deserves it.
I'm a Christian and she's not though I understand why knowing her background. My grandma always said God works in mysterious ways and my fatal flaw so to speak is being fired up on behalf of those who have been wronged. This relationship brings that front and center into every day life. Id really like for us to move on from our respective pasts and build a loving healthy future with a beautiful family.

My cousin had their graduation reception this week. All of my extended family, plus their relatives and friends/classmates (that are strangers to me), was there.
I’d been dreading this event for weeks. Not only was this extra painful to attend since I’m in my early 20s and haven’t graduated yet myself (from high school). My social anxiety is worse than ever since I quit my job and decided to study for my high school diploma instead. I used to work at the front desk, but now I’m very socially isolated and all of my old problems are back. I’ve become completely socially inept. I also hate to talk about myself, because I’m nothing right now. I don’t exercise, I’ve got no job, no friends, no social events taking up my time. I don’t exercise, I don’t cook and I can’t even take care of my apartment. I’m not working on my drivers license. I do nothing except pretend to study since I wasn’t even accepted into the course I applied for. So what would there be for me to talk about?
The night before the reception, I barely even slept. At most I got 2-3 hours of sleep. Upon that, I’d been drinking alcohol to cope the night before and the morning of this day. Only around 10-15 ml of whine over the course of 12 hours, but I’m very small so I’m sensitive to alcohol.
The sleep deprivation made me emotional and the alcohol exaggerated this. I felt ugly and skinny. And as soon as I was approaching their house (together with my mom, fortunately) I felt my heart banging in my chest.
My voice felt so weak, like it would break if I opened my mouth to talk. When I greeted my cousin I couldn’t even manage to say “congratulations”, all I got out was “hello”. When my uncle greeted me he said something like “Hello, what’s up!” and he hugged me but I couldn’t even answer, I think I replied hello though. To everyone who said something to me I could only answer with one word.
I felt my eyes getting teary and I had this lump in my throat. I just knew if I talked that I would break into tears. I was there for around 15-30 minutes before I broke down and during all this time I was just fighting my tears. It was horrible.
It was kind of cold outside and when my mom asked if I wanted to go inside and grab my jacket I said “I’m about to break down” and as I said that the tears just started streaming down my face. I asked if I could go home and my mom said “Not yet, that would be rude”.
She followed me to the bathroom so that I could cry it out and gather myself. I couldn’t bring myself back to normal, though, and my youngest sister had to follow me home.
My mom blames herself. She apologised so many times for leaving me alone at the reception. She knows I have social phobia. But there was nothing she could’ve done, I was already a mess. I couldn’t tell her about the wine or the sleep deprivation
I’m 21, not 11. This is not normal behaviour. I couldn’t even greet people, my mom had to present me and say “This is X, my daughter”.
I acted so strange, especially when I stood at the party all by myself staring into the ground swaying side to side trying so much not to break down into tears. My aunt saw this and tried to start a conversation, but at this point I was so close to breaking. I could barely look her in the eyes and could only reply by nodding. My eyes were red.
I regretted not bringing my phone or putting on a watch just so I could look busy. I regretted quitting my job, because if I had a job I could’ve just said I had to work instead of attending this.
They had even bought vegan food, just for me. And I just left. And I think a few people saw me crying. Even more people saw me acting strange.
I really made a fool of myself. I felt like a freak.
I could let this go fairly easy, though. I felt fine during the day after this, but today I had lunch with my family and all they could talk about was the party. That brought back so much shame and anxiety. I went home, listened to music, took a glass of whine and cried.
I don’t think I would’ve have cried at the reception if I’d just slept enough…
Has anyone been though something similar?

ever since my dad (m59) retired, living with him has been incredibly stifling and i've (f19) been feeling very low and anxious over hearing all of the arguements that he has been having with my mom (f58).
my dad has no friends, and only leaves the house to go for jogs or visit his mom (he's a bit of a mama's boy) and spends most of his time either cleaning/doing chores or watching TV at home.
he has this weird obsession with cleaniness, and i've never had friends over because of this (except for once where my ex-friend entered our house without my permission, and he didn't talk to me for a week after finding out. i was 9.). he monitors my mom when she is doing chores like mopping, and make comments when he feels that she isn't clean enough for his standard. he is stubborn and believes that his method of cleaning is the best, and this has caused a lot of arguments ever since his retirement as he seems to nitpick at whatever we do.
when i fainted in the toilet after a really painful poop and even broke my glasses and hit my head, his first comment was telling me to shower as the toilet floor is dirty, before asking me about my safety (does it still hurt, am i okay). my mom freaked out and accompanied me to the nearest optican to get my glasses fixed as she was worried that i would feel dizzy with my broken glasses. it seems like such a small issue, but it really broke me and i kept crying at the glasses shop. i know he loves me but at that point of time i just felt so unloved.
on friday, he got mad because his sister and niece insisted on coming over to our house to have a look. my mom is horrible at rejecting others, so she let them in, and he found out about it. he started giving us the silent treatment (he always does that when he's mad and stops talking to us for days - this always makes me feel really anxious because i hate how poor the atmosphere of our house becomes)
just today, he saw a whole piece of wet tissue in the bin. he took it out and started questioning my mom and i on who used it. i was the one who used it as i was wiping my mom's and my phone after we went out together, and forgot to rip the wet tissue into half (to save wet tissues).
my mom and i have been ranting to his sisters and he acknowledges that his germophobia is a problem and always promises changes but never delivers it. he says he's trying, but my mom and i had enough of waiting. i encouraged him to seek a therapist, but he shut me down and is incredibly stubborn about not needing one.
all of their arguments are frankly taking a toll on my mental health (i feel really lonely as i'm an only child and can't help but feel that no one understands my feelings as no one is in my specific position) & my mom who also has her own issues kept ranting about my dad to me when i was preparing for my national examinations despite telling her to stop as i wanted to focus on studying rather than having their fights repeat again and again in my head.
thankfully i managed to do well in the end, got into my desired course and i'm moving out for university in 2 months. but i can't help but worry about my mom as she will be alone with him (she is financially dependent on him). my mom considered a divorce, but is held back by our finances. i can't help but get myself involved by trying to fix things for them as i just can't stand a household so quiet and i keep picking up on their negative emotions to the point it's driving me crazy. one of my aunts talked to me and said it isn't my responsibility, and it's not fair for my parents to place their emotional burdens on me. she told me to focus on myself. i know this and i'm trying but it's so hard and i keep ending up getting myself involved. but i'm really tired.
this time, i'm going to stop getting myself involved. i'm going to work hard to get a good job, and find a safe place for my mom and i to move out to. then, we will finally be free of all of these.
i love my dad, i really do. i know he loves me too and i can see it. for the majority of my childhood, he has been an amazing dad and although we aren't rich, i grew up happy and bubbly (many of my teachers talk about how cheerful and carefree i was, and how i brought a lot of joy to the class with my jokes). i'm thankful he brought me to this world, and i'm grateful that he is a present father who tried his best to give me everything he could.
(tbh, i'm lost and i don't really know what to do. i keep having this guilt when i think of wanting to move away especially since i'm an only child so the responsibility of taking care of my parents as they enter their twilight years falls entirely on me. filial piety is deeply ingrained in me due to my culture so this thought has been eating me up. if anyone knows how to encourage my stubborn asian father to go to therapy when he is finally talking to my mom and i again, please drop some tips in the comments! i really want to help him but i don't know how! i know i sound like i'm really done with him right now but it's my anger talking... i'm a soft-hearted person so i know i will struggle really hard with acting on the idea of taking my mom away when i'm financially independent and going no contact with my dad :") it's my soft heartedness that ends up initiating conversations with him in hopes of ending his silent treatment when i know i should just leave him to be TT should i just try to be more emotionally independent instead and steel myself to limit my conversations with him? do i just ignore him everytime he gets mad because i find myself talking back to him out of anger. i don't even know where to start because all of my family's problems escalated so suddenly. i've always been close to them and i admit i'm quite emotionally reliant on them but i really have no idea where to start. choosing to stay in a hostel was me forcing myself to be less reliant on them as i initially did not want to stay on campus because i wasn't comfortable being away from my parents (+ family members telling me about the wonderful experiences they had and how it would be better for my mental health right now seeing the predicament i'm in) but i'm not sure if that's the right way to go about it.)
tldr: want my dad to see a therapist, but he is stubborn on not seeing one. it's destroying his marriage with my mom, and my relationship with him.
edit: i forgot to add this!! i'm sorry if i sound like a conflicted mess because i really am one right now LOL and if they're any grammar issues it's because i rarely use it at home! also if anyone has tips on how to be less emotionally reliant on my parents please let me know :") i want to help my dad but i realise i should help myself first before i can encourage him LOL bc tbh i keep getting worried about the idea of living on campus

When I talk about the Islamic world im talking mainly, about the main Arab/Islamic land and the North African region wish historically knows to help each other during tough times and the good times and every Muslims on this sub knows one or two historical examples.
However, im not here to talk about the history because I'm not a historian, second this is not the subject of this post, but I still need to give a historical context for what I'm about to discuss, first we can all agree that the birth of Mohamed be peace upon him change not only the fate of Arabs but also the entire world.

Mohamed be peace upon him was born in 632AD, and if you google you will get Saudia Meccah as if he have anything in common with current demented royal family in Saudia, who trying to claim him as a Saudian when Mohamed be peace upon himself wouldn’t want anything to do with those criminals who present pretty Mutch what he hate during his live they are the same type of people who fight his message and conspire against him and kill his followers.
Mohamed be peace upon him message wasn’t just Islam and a bunch of rituals people do in holidays Its was also a political movement as his main message was no one worthy of worship but god and god is the only one you should be afraid off, this is message that inspire people to fight back against their oppressor and not accept to be trailed lesser than everyone else, this idea look simple at first glance but it's have a big influence on people in that time it's not different from the famous quote of Jean-Jacques Rousseau Who said “how you can enslave people when their moms give them birth free” wish inspire France to revolt against the royal family in France In 1789, same way Mohamed and Muslims did against their Arabs oppressor in Makkah.

After Mohamed be peace upon him death his message continues to spread one of the people who accept his message is North Africans Amazigh who also continue to spread his message through the African continent, Amazigh didn’t accept Islam because Arabs were cool, they accept his message because it was genuine and united people of all kinds all skins and all ethnicity To no accept oppression.

Moving forward to the Ottoman Empire decay in 1900 wish the British took their chance to end ottoman dominance and took over the Arab land, bunch of ambitious family’s like al-saud took their chance conspire with the British to create a dynasty for themselves others who already exist like the Bano-Hachem In Jordan make deals to keep what they have and there dynasty going, this situation basically spread through the north African region.
Today Muslims rulers' leaders doing whatever they can to secure themselves to stay in power by allying themselves either with USA or RUSSIA and the worst part they will plunge their country in chaos to stay look at Bachar for example and what he done to Syria.
Muslim leaders love the national anthem food anything different to keep Muslims disconnected From each other as its give them a chance to control their people they claim every personality from the past this one was Moroccan, this one was Saudi this one was Tunisian and so on feeding this narrative to Muslims that they shouldn’t care about each other look for example Gazans dying few meters away and life continue normally in Egypt.*

The angle wish is Muslims leaders will operate from to further their interest is very disgusting, and if you are an ally of the USA then Iran Russia is your enemies and your propaganda is simple find few Syrian journalist and use Syrian people suffering to make Iran and Russia as the most evil nation ever exist but if you are in trouble make deal later with them and invite a bloody murder back to your country cause you are not up to the game in the first place looking at you Salmanco, Arabs leaders will also use the divide between Shia and Sunni to make there people hate Iran and there militants and the consequences of such a message don't matter to them , what matter is there agenda against Iran.
And of course if you are an allied of Russia and Iran then USA and the west is your enemies you represent yourself as a hero to your people a man who stand against imperialism and with those who are oppressed and the first one to defend Palestine, and if any other Muslim leader hate you use Palestine normalization card against him as if you are any better , and take some footage to show them to your people make yourself look good.

Today the entire Islamic world don’t have any direction, there is no plan or future we truly live in one the darkest time of Islamic nations history younger generation are either Muslims extremist or liberals morons who embrace west culture of degeneracy, Muslims rulers are feeding and growing the divide up further today morons fighting on social media in Tariq Ibon Ziad was Arab or an Amazigh as if the origin of person who die centuries ago should matter its only create Sens of degenerate empty pride for people who love the Muslims story hour as its make them feel good about themselves, the other think Muslims leaders constantly glazing USA as if the American culture machine constant brain watching wasn’t enough for them, just because its USA we shouldn't fight backs or just have a little bit of pride and faith and ourselves as Muslims to defend protect our owns.

I want to finish this with a little bit of hope and optimism, we are currently at bottom of the ocean so we only can go up from now, but its up for Muslims to accept and embrace Mohamed message to not be afraid of anyone but god in order for them to stand not only for themselves but for those who need us Sudanese Gazans Syrians, I truly hope one day we can control our destiny again and for Islam and Mohamad message to be a a way of life and death again.

He likes to cannonball into pools filled with people and kids. Got so much water in my ear last time it left a painful ear infection and took a week for the water to come out.
He fucking dunked me in front of everyone at a pool party while I was in the pool helping our scared toddler. I did everything not to lose it and scream in front of kids and strangers. Yelled in the car and got yelled at and told he was sick and tired of my drama. That everyone thinks he’s such a great dad because he loudly complains that he’s the only dad in the pool. Gaslights me into “I was just playfully pulling you in. Your head didn’t go in the water” and basically blaming me for it. He got my contacts, hair, and makeup wet and got water in my ears because he turned me under the water after he dove and tackled me.
Besides having a history of being on dating apps, unsuccessfully scoring girls, going into therapy to “fix himself,” he is now really invested in our daughter’s friend from daycare’s mom’s sex life and has been telling me and the other moms at daycare how her ex cheated on him with the teacher at school and all the maybe real or not real drama that went on. We discussed this at length and I asked him to please not share our childrens location with her because she shared her ex tried to kill her, was hacking her phone and reading everything, and she was getting a restraining order on him while calling him names like a psychopath in texts with my husband. I asked him if he digested that and to please keep his word. He goes yeah yeah yeah I understand only to text her the screenshot of a birthday party and the address we would be at without bothering to tell me the next day. He casually brings it up in public and I ask him what the point in having a conversation about it was if he was going to blatantly ignore me right after. Like why talk and talk and talk about this girl and continue texting her our children’s location. Why can’t he call her and tell her the address or even mention it to me when he’s asking for the invite. He yells at me to not raise my voice in public and yells at me basically telling me I’m dramatic for taking the information he said seriously. Blames me for not texting her myself. I don’t know this girl.
Goes to the party and spreads more rumors about her with other moms. Dunks me while lying about it. A mom calls him dad of the year because he’s in the pool with kids. Meanwhile he has not had a real job, dropped the ball on making plans for the weekend so last minute I needed to book our hotel for us to even get to the bday party. He doesn’t pay for a single item all weekend, I take us out to dinner during the week and buy our groceries every week. Buy almost everything the kids need. He scowls at me when I ask him to purchase a hot dog or hamburger for me while I wait with our excited toddler. Such an amazing dad. I get the door slammed and yelled at for not wanting to be dunked and getting mad.
Our daughter’s first tooth and letter for the tooth fairy are under her pillow. He went out last night and was supposed to come back with a present for her, along with dinner. He came back and told me the store is closed. The one store down the road but he couldn’t bother to drive anywhere else where stores are open (maybe less than 10 minutes down the street). Such an amazing dad. He is having a lot of fun sharing his friend’s (the girl from daycare was dating his friend from home) personal details with literally anyone who will listen about how he sought prostitutes, did drugs, etc. I sit there and remind him I found screenshots of escorts on his phone also when we are alone. It’s like he enjoys smearing his name. I remind him the only difference, at least that I know of, are he actually didn’t succeed (most likely due to having no real job or money and not because of not trying). I’m tired of being the drama train and not everyone everywhere we go needs to know about their personal business. It seems super hypocritical coming from him.

Hello po, can I ask those who have experienced dandruff on how do you get rid of it? 😭
my mom just says to scrub hard and rinse well, pero it doesnt work, so can I ask for any hair products or like shampoos that you can recommend? I used to use Selsun Blue, and that worked pero we stopped buying it kasi ang mahal :( I really want to take better care of myself, and be more presentable when I go out kasi nakakhiya talaga T_T
thank you so much

At present my dad and step-mom have things set up so that whichever one dies first, the other inherits all the money, and then when that person dies, any remaining money gets split evenly between me, my sister, and my two step-sisters. We were however talking about the possibility that one spouse dies, the other, say, buys THEIR daughters houses, and then dies; an even split at that point follows a period in which money has been very unevenly distributed. My dad said that he sees it as a problem but that as far as he knows 'there is no mechanism for preventing this". Is there? I feel as though there must be. What are the options?

Look, I'm not a monster, I don't despise random children for existing, but I cannot stand when I am forced to be in the presence of a child that is extremely annoying. This is very specific too, I don't hate children for being kids, but there is that certain "brand" of child that is just obnoxious. Clearly you're learning everything from an ipad and tiktok, mom and dad definitely are not giving you enough attention, even in instances where they are present they are still ignoring them, and now that kid is acting out in every conceivable way to get someone to acknowledge them. Sorry that will not be me, I don't find it fun or pleasant to talk to a kid who isn't interesting. And there are kids who are interesting, my nephew for example, dude has a spark, bright little kid. I enjoy hearing him tell me about his interests, and unlike other random children that I have no attachment to, HIS PARENTS ACTUALLY TAUGHT HIM NOT TO BE A LITTLE ISHT. That, and I actually can reprimand him for bad behavior, unlike other peoples kids, because "DON'T TALK TO MY KID THAT WAY." Cool. so you're just gonna let this little terrorist go around, ruin my food, interrupt my fun, and whatever, but if I dare say something, now we have a problem.
It is not my job to raise your kid, and I am not wrong for wanting to be anywhere they aren't. "It takes a village to blah blah blah." Yeah the village used to be able to smack your kid for acting a fool, now I gotta deal with you and your fat wife telling me to respect your spawn. Raise your kids better, we have kids that are under control, I don't know where this idea that "kids will be kids" came from when THERE ARE KIDS WHO ARE WELL BEHAVED AND NOT ANNOYING. "Oh you don't know how hard it is too blah blah." I'm sorry were you forced to reproduce? I don't know you sound like you have no choice in the matter, like the stork put a gun to your head. No? You chose to bring them here? Well that's your problem then.

So I (20f) met my ex fiance(22m) when I was living in TN and met him off of bumble and just before a year after dating we got engaged and shortly later we were getting kick out of my aunts house (very long story) so I was moving back to Utah to live with my mom while getting back on my feet. He followed with me to Utah. Shortly after we moved, I ended up pregnant, we didn't think I could because we had gone MONTHS with nothing, but it turned out to be stress preventing my body from allowing pregnancy.
Everything was wonderful. Great sweet guy, caring and thoughtful, and not the best at communicating, especially with his emotions. He was better than any person on social media as a support person during labor, and shortly after, our som was in the nicu, and I had a c section, so it was rough. But he was amazing with it all! And a great dad and very involved and caring.
Then, 4 months post partum, I find out all this stupid shit.
This is our first son, and there were complications . He's a little extra needy when it comes to food and gaining weight. He had an iugr and was 1 month premature. I was going to be staying at home to take care of our kiddo cause that was my dream, and at the time, he said he wouldn't be able to take care of the kiddo by himself.
Well, about 2.5 months into post partum, he stopped being fully present, I was doing everything with the rare times he would do stuff. I thought everything was okay, and he was struggling with post partum depression because he was still sweet, caring, loving, and still seemed like he wanted to be a part of the family. Arguments started about him not helping around the house, him hardly helping with kiddo, and when I would try to wake him up he would lay there pretending to be asleep or yelling at me that he's not gonna wake up.
He started to live in his truck as I started to speculate cheating but couldn't figure out how to pinpoint it, and the engagement ring came off.
Small background when we were engaged, and he pretty much was getting screwed over with a car his parents pulled a loan for when he was 16, but he was paying for it. He couldn't purchase a car and needed one asap, so I helped by putting the loan in my name. Well shortly after kicking him out I told him if he couldn't get the loan in his name I'll have to get rid of the car cause of the dept to income for an apartment even if he pays on it as well as me being scared that he'd just screw me over.
One other back story i saw him texting a women on snapchat and I asked who she was (because previously there was multiple arguments about him needing to stop talking and unadd the same ex of his an another about him liking half naked women on instagram). He says that it's one of the people from his gaming group, she lived in a neighboring state, which turned out as a lie. One day when doing laundry at a mat I was loading up in the back of the car and saw him open a snap of hers and respond, both of them putting in a lot of effort in the photos (which he doesn't do for me). I get in and tell him that's not her being friendly she's trying to fuck you and be a home wrecker, hah I was right... but he tried to convince me she was a friend, I never believed it.
One day, the day before mother's day, before he got his vehicle he was needing a ride with the car to put stuff in his storage unit from the car. I was going to get a breather because things were getting emotional and he stole my car. Cops were called and some women had picked him up. It was the girl he said months ago is a gaming buddy. Later we talked and he said he wanted to work on us and he'd remove her, she knows he has a family and us just a friend and stuff like that. I didn't really believe him. Well he removed her then said he's gonna go for a drive to get fresh air and think, turns out he re added her then went to her work event.
Shitty part of mothers day, my first mind you, finding out I'm being cheated on, and then goes "she said happy mothers day btw" like why the hell are you talking to her when your "trying to make it up to me for the damage so my first mothers day ain't ruined." He admits "She's a friend" that he had went to a concert with, goes to the bar with and visits her on lunch. There was arguments of how that's not what friends do and beginning to ask him how many times did he fuck her. He kept trying to convince me she's just a friend.
Some time when buy with arguing about that and him going "I blocked her I'll follow your boundaries to fix this" then couple hours later re add her. I began talking to men and an old ex because having people to talk to even when it's not about the drama is how I cope and it kept me above water.
Mind you at this time he really hasn't asked to see his kid and hasn't really acknowledged him unless I say something. We also were broken up before I started talking to other people.
He got pissed that I was talking to other people and started yelling at me about it.
Well I was tired of "she's just a friend" arguments cause I knew something was off. One morning I left work early (my shift starts way early) I went home took his phone while he was sleeping and went through it. Yup confirmed that I was right the past couple months and shit. So I woke him up and was like I know now tell me.
His pitty excuse that I don't believe anymore but at the time did is: I had an ex back when I was dealing drugs in Florida ask if she can move with me to my home state on one run but I told her I couldn't cause I was still under age and living with my parents and she killed herself when I left because I didn't take her with me and her dad is abusive. Well he said one time when he went to the bar he saw her looking at him and then he went to smoke and then came back in the bar and she was still staring so he went to talk to her because he "didn't feel loved so why the fuck not"
Side note he was jealous of our infant son because (starting at less than 1 month old of feeling jelous) that I was giving kiddo all move attention and loving on kiddo and my cats. Because I was suffering PPD PPA and Post partum anger, he wasn't there for me and even yelled saying things like "you shouldn't feel that way, things happen and it's fine there's alternatives" when I would cry about things that were struggling with kiddo like breast feeding and things like that. Fucking jealous of an infant dude.
Then said that they only fucked twice and it started when he saw her at the concert and gave her a ride home because she was drunk and her friends left her. That was brought up because I saw her tiktok with her post him with them in the car. I said you could have bought her an Uber and I don't believe her friends left her. The truth later be told 1 month after I found out about him full on cheating was he got on tinder, met her, picked her up and took her to the concert, fucked her then came home.
He was constantly gone while I was taking care of our kid so he can fuck around many times.
Well I forgot most stuff because of my ptsd response and blockage but recently he had kept seeing her and I said I was done. One day he's begging to work on things and the next day he blocks my number saying he never wants to hear from me again.
This past week has been fucked. To put it short. He refused to see his son when I was available in between work and doctors appointments because he didn't want to move his date and he already has went over a week without seeing the little guy. He did this twice.
He kept trying to say I think we will work out and come back to each other in the future. Saying things like I wanna see where things go with Jessica, if they work out great if not great and then we can try on us. Saying he will wait for me and that he will compete with the other men that I talk to or date. And stupid shit like that.
I told him I was first I should have never been second. Told him if he continues to pursue her I will never be willing to wrap back around to this even years from now when he's done with his stupid manic episode. He's showing heavy heavy traits of bipolar.
Well anyways
When he was in kiddos life and I went back to work I would tap in on the Alex to check in since he would never answer me and I would hear kiddo awake for hours or crying for so long wanting food that I would constantly have to leave work. I have gotten a video of him saying he won't wake up to feed our kid from a recent event. Kiddo has torticolis in his neck causing flat head and he needs off of it as much as possible but he hardly ever was up so kiddo would be on his head from bed time at 8 to 9 pm all the way till he woke up at 12 pm on later days but no earlier than 10 am when kiddos wake up time that he actually wakes up at is 7 am. He's constantly drinking and admitted to drinking and driving on the way home from work. The first thing in his fridge at his apartment was beer and constantly going to the bars.
Even when I was around with kiddo he would almost never acknowledge him.
He's always threatened since kid was 1.5 months old (way before I knew about anything) he would just sign his rights away. Well just this past Friday he said he wanted to so I said I can print off the papers to fill out and sign so I did and Saturday after he slept on it, had a calm conversation about it, the papers were notarized and emailed to the courts.
He blocked my number even though he technically can't and doesn't give a shit.
I feel like I failed my kid. I promised I would never find someone that was going to be a father to my kid the same way my dad was to me and I failed. No one saw this everyone was like it was a flip of a switch cause he was over the moon for me and was so excited to be a dad and now he's saying things like she's worth loosing my family and never seeing the family again. I hurt for my son the most.
:((
Edit: Another side note besides the neglect toward the child he has also laid his hands on me 3 times out of anger. Even when I was waking him to help me with kiddo, he choked me. I fear he will get angry at kiddo to hurt him cause I've watched him get so mad and yell at him and make the face he would make before he would hurt me.

I (21) finally broke up with my boyfriend (23) and I'm 12 weeks pregnant. He wanted me to terminate my pregnancy right after I told him that I was pregnant. I told him that I have to think about it cause its not something that you decide on overnight. He started saying that I was trapping him and that he’s just trying to protect me from his mom. His mom doesn’t like me cause she wants my ex boyfriend to date someone who’s professional, I’m still in college btw. Even told me that if it wasn’t gonna ruin his relationship with his parents (he’s an only child, and a mama’s boy) he would wanna be more present. I knew that somewhere along the line that I have to break up with him, we were still together but I felt alone. He doesn’t text me much anymore or call me, we were doing long distance. I just felt really alone even tho he tells me that he’s gonna support me still, but cant physically. I texted him last night saying how I felt lonely and all those stuff, he just told me that he wishes me the best and will pray for me and the baby, which made me mad. I’ve been very emotional and cant sleep lately. All I’ve been thinking about is how sorry I am for my baby that I can’t give him/her a complete family, I do have a great support system. But I know its different if it’s coming from your partner… How do I handle pregnancy alone and single?

I don't necessarily like venting to my family or the little friends I have anymore about this since I don't want them to know how weak of a person I am because this breakup killed me back when it first happened. This all basically starts in 2019, I had just graduated highschool, started college in the fall and was heading into 3 years of being with my at the time highschool bf, now ex, and things were kind of weird. Maybe it was the high emotions of being launched into adulthood or maybe I was going insane who knows, either way I started getting really depressed that summer. So many things were happening all at the same time like my cat dying/running away, losing friends, health issues, etc. and it felt like the order of my world was crashing down. I felt crazy because I also felt like a child with so much on my plate and to be quite honest I still do. I loved my ex boyfriend I really did and I still have some love for him present day but we had already had some tensions built up from previous matters that I started just piling and piling up in my head and there was only so much more I could take honestly. The first time he really broke a piece of me was when I had to go to a scholarship acceptance banquet and they completely fucked me over so I left crying and since I went there expecting to eat I left hungry so I went to get food and drove to see him after his shift and we ate in my car or more like he ate in my car while I cried and he kind of listened because in the middle of ranting he turned up the music in the car because "it was a good song", mind you I was still crying. After this anything he did that slightly pissed me off started getting added into my pile of grievances. Also in my eyes after we graduated from Highschool he did start to seem distant at times, one of the habits he grew was constantly being on his phone while on dates, sometimes even texting a girl I told him to block because I felt insecure. I know what you are probably thinking, another girl that just won't let her boyfriend have a chick friend. You know yea basically but one thing that got me really insecure is he would constantly play games with girls and be all chummy with them but when I asked to play it was always "maybe later" and well later never came except for one time when he asked me to play minecraft with him so I bought minecraft just to play,even though I know it gives me severe motion sickness, and we played for maybe 30 minutes until he was tired left and we never played again even when I asked for it. After a couple more incidents of him just not caring about my feelings I won't lie my eyes did start to wander off of him a little, I never acted on this because this really scared me due to being with my ex for so long and only knowing him and all I could think of was how could I possibly be so cruel and just leave him like that, so I continued to stay and at this time I still had the motivation to work things out. A couple months pass and I am still pretty depressed and suddenly I start having this feeling of no emotion at all. I feel like maybe this is what some might call desensitization but I haven't looked into it all that much. I felt like I couldn't feel happiness, sadness, anger, anxiety, basically any emotion I had ever encountered was now gone out of nowhere even love was gone. This loss of emotion affected everyone around me not just my ex, I literally didn't even love my parents, that is how bad it was. Our anniversary passes and I'm going through out it but we make it to 2020. Of course like most people this is where shit starts going south because well 2020 was the year of the pandemic. I'm in my second semester of freshman year and I'm still struggling internally without telling anyone about what I am going through mentally. Worst thing about this was that I could barely tell my ex about it because he in the past made fun of his best friend for having to be in a psych ward, which was another addition to the pile might I add. Due to the nature of him casting me and my emotions aside once the pandemic was in full swing I slowly implemented my way of casting him aside slowly but surely to give him a taste of his own medicine. Was this petty yea but did I do it... yea. So during the pandemic of course we would talk but I spent more time playing games, doing exercise/losing weight, and getting back into my hobbies. At this time I don't think it bothered him that much because I was still giving him his doses of attention and he was giving me mine so like whatever I suppose. But then at some point during this shift I remember being on snapchat after hours after he said he had gone to bed and checking where all my friends were on snapmaps, and thats when I see him in the middle of a parking lot alone around 2-3am in the morning. I start trying to make rational thoughts like maybe thats the last place he was when he opened snapchat before going home to bed so I just snap him out of curiosity and I can't remember what I said but it was something along the lines of "i cant sleep miss you send a pic" and he opens it right away and I really couldn't tell where he was in the picture. I open the snap map again and he's still in the parking lot and I ask him what he is doing and he just says trying to sleep. Obviously not.... To this day I don't know what was up with that, sometimes I want to think he was maybe getting weed or something late at night but lying to me because neither of us did substances of any kind at that time but I suspect he was cheating maybe. This was like a huge break in my sanity and after this I became even more distant and sometimes I wouldn't even text him during the day and sometimes he would do the same for me too. Something completely snapped in me a couple of weeks later and when he was hanging out with his friends I decided I needed to call a break. I think this is truly where I messed up and where things could've gone positively for me if I didn't do what I did next. We met up a day later and he was crying while I explained to him everything I had/was going through and how all the things he did were finally getting to me and I remember looking at him crying and feeling nothing but telling him it was a break and that I just needed time to think and that we would more than likely get back together. The beginning of this break was like heaven to me. I felt pure bliss and it felt like everything that was wrong had washed away in an instance. I remember sunbathing outside with my cousins maybe a day or two after that meet up and just being so happy about just breathing outside. I don't remember texting my ex that first week much as my dad had also gone through emergency surgery and I was dealing with that. Second week we started just checking up on eachother a little and third week I think is when we met up and I once again told him we would get back together soon and it didn't feel like a bad idea anymore to be honest. I genuinely think I just needed a little time and space. After that we saw eachother once a week and we'd just chill and talk and at some point we started getting physical with eachother again and genuinely I felt pretty good about getting back together this time around. One of the last times I spoke to him in a loving way I remember him not having his glasses on and telling him how glad I was to be able to see his eyes without glasses on and how pretty his green eyes were... Then the next week we broke up because I found him, in my opinion, emotionally cheating on me with someone over the internet, which he denied. The way I reacted to finding this out was crazy, I felt so insane and don't even understand all the things I said and did but I did them. I was pissed off at myself because there was no way I had let myself get vulnerable all over again with him and regaining my emotions just for him to fuck me over like that. I was utterly devastated, especially thinking that I couldve broken up with him and ended up emotionally okay but then I let him break up with me. This breakup was a huge rift in our circles, my friends hated him, his friends hated him and some of them even asked me out after this, which was weird and still is considering these people are still friends with him but I digress. Although at the time of our breakup he acted like there was potential for us dating again and how he would always have a place in his heart for me he actually moved on rather quickly to the person I caught him texting. Felt like I gave him so many chances but he gave me zero. If anyones gone through a breakup they know that deep sinking feeling straight in the chest. I felt that shit from June to November nonstop everyday. I was going insane being in my own body. I became anemic and developed an ED because of how little I was eating. My mom tells me about how when I slept in her and my dads room the first month she would watch me sleep because she could see how much of a toll the breakup took on me, she said it looked like my eyes had completely sunken in and that my collar bone looked like it was cutting through me. Basically I looked like a walking lifeless corpse was how bad I took it. I won't lie I stalked my ex hardcore the next couple months because I couldn't fathom him being so happy when I was in so much pain. Thankfully once my birthday arrived I didn't feel as bad anymore and I was able to celebrate with a smile on my face with my family. Once 2021 hit I vowed to let go and stop checking up on him and start living my life and it was honestly going really good... at first. Because once I stopped stalking him he decided to make multiple accounts to stalk me. I immediately knew it was him and I won't lie I entertained it, I enjoyed the attention I received from someone who now probably regretted his decision. I let it go on a little until I sabotaged it, because in my mind if I exposed him to his partner at the time maybe just maybe he would come back to me. WRONG COMPLETELY WRONG. He lied his way out of getting into trouble somehow after I confronted him and his partner at the time and it left me feeling more drained than ever. This time it started a downward spiral for me so bad that I had to start antidepressants and to this day I still take. Yet after all of this I still miss him. I know I am weak and stupid and everything else inbetween but that's just who I am. I hate myself for wasting my early twenties to being depressed over this but I can't do anything about it now. I've been single ever since and he's on his second partner now since me. I didn't start finding people attractive again until the middle of 2023 and since then I have entertained the idea of bumble and tinder but I cannot fathom it. I want an organic relationship with some new but sometimes I want lovers to enemies to lovers again with me ex idk. The only reason I'm venting about this was because I went on facebook and one of my friends memories had him in middle school in it and I lost it. Hope someone can be entertained by my stupid love story or maybe someone can feel not so alone in this evil love filled world.
also I kept some things out because I don't want to embarrass myself more than I already have