So in December, I met a girl through an online community my friend owns. I ask her how old she is, she says 18 turning 19 this year (I’m 20 about to be 21 at this time), and we start talking. We hit it off IMMEDIATELY, like nothing I had ever experienced before. Our senses of humor were similar, we had similar interests, played the same video games, had similar world views and values, it was amazing. So after almost 3 months of talking to her I ask her out. I had never done long distance before but we seemed almost designed for each other so I wanted to make it work. After 2.5 months of dating she calls me one morning and says she’s actually 16 turning 17 soon, and not 18 turning 19. For some background I would NEVER pursue a relationship with that kind of gap at that age if I knew from the start. I’m a good guy raised by 2 loving parents, Christian, Eagle Scout, don’t drink or smoke, and have many goals I want to achieve. Luckily I had never said anything to her that could’ve got me in trouble. Pictures, sexts, nothing like that. I always treat every woman I meet with respect and I always wanted to make sure she was comfortable. Anyways, after she tells me this I’m kind of at a point of confusion. I love this girl to death as weird as that is? And it’s not like a chose to fall in love with her and be put in this situation. We’re similar maturity wise, she has tons of goals, is an amazing student and wants to go to school for occupational therapy. She’s over the age of consent in her state, but I’m so conflicted. Do I wait? Do I cut her off completely? Do we stay friends till we can actually make it work? Or should we try and make it work now and just keep it platonic. In my 2 prior relationships I’ve never felt a connection as genuine as this or ever been as in love so long term I would love for this to work. I told her I was gonna take a few days to think so I made this post for advice cause the whole situation is honestly a mess. Advice will be read and is appreciated.

In January of 2023 my wife, I’ll call her S, left me. A bit of backstory because this is mostly my fault. Me and her moved from Florida to Washington 6 years ago for me to find better work. Her dad, brother and I were all best friends for a while and her dad was my boss that’s how I met her. We started dating in 2016 when I lived in Jacksonville and was attending welding school. When I moved back to my hometown I couldn’t find work and eventually went back to work with the company her dad worked at, I ran my own shop. I hated it I was so depressed I wanted to weld but she didn’t want me to because she’d be alone while I was on the road so I stayed. Her mom is a meth addict and is very violent and her dad is laid back as it gets but an alcoholic non the less. I was living with my parents at the time and one day her mom freaked out and tried to hit her, I stood up and defended her and her mom kicked her out of there house. Me and her lived with my parents ever since. Now that she lived at my parents house I had to basically force her to get a job because all she did was play sims and complain. Especially about me watching game of thrones because of the nudity. when I got home and I thought she needed some purpose. I only bring these thing up to put into perspective the things that I had to forgive and give up to be with her. One day my mom asks us if we’d like to move to Washington in hopes of a better life and she could attend college here. I was thrilled at the idea and she was at that moment too. As the date grew closer and I had already put my two weeks notice in she started getting cold feet. I explained to her that I was miserable at my job and had already given up welding and I was not passing up another opportunity whether she came or not. That ended in a fight but she said she wanted to come in the end. My mom emptied her retirement so we could rent a truck, drive up and have an apartment when we got there (my mom was already here) When got here we both immediately got jobs as a construction labor, making quite good money and her at a drugstore. This is where the problems really began. She started to become very withdrawn. She was not interested in anything sexual, and it began to wear on my confidence. I eventually got a job as an electrician making less money as an apprentice, but more overall when I turned out. Then Covid hit. I got fat and depressed, I got a lot from unemployment. So naturally, I began to drink more. Then I started dabbling in cocaine. Over time this became a problem, I began hiding it doing it on the weekends being out all night sometimes for multiple days. She caught me and I lied. My mental health was deteriorating quickly. I had already suffered with depression before, but this was something different. Her dad got diagnosed with stage bone cancer during this too. It was a rough time for both of us. At one point she told me she didn’t know if she wanted to get a divorce because she wanted to go back home to be with her dad if he died. Even though I understood this crushed me even more. During 2022 I was still somehow I was still somehow still managing to keep it together even with my addiction. She started attending college and work and college at the same time with stressing her out to the point where she was crying so I told her to quit her job and do college full-time. I paid for all of it. Financial burdens began to increase. My mental health dropped even lower. I became increasingly suicidal I thought about death every day. I talked about it every day. She would tell me she’s not a psychiatrist or therapist and that she couldn’t help me. She started hanging out with one of her friends from work and they started hanging out a lot towards the end of 2022. This part is extremely important. I started noticing things on her phone that pointed to her being interested in women like things in her algorithm for TikTok and YouTube. Stuff to do with being lesbian and coming out or bi. I asked her one day if that was something that was going on with her if she was interested in women. She told me no. A month later, she came to me and told me that she thought about it and it was something that she had been thinking about. I told her that it was OK and that it was something that I was willing to let her explore as long as we communicated. Then out of the blue one day again she tells me she didn’t mind if I slept with other women. Looking back this was a red flag at the time. I thought it was OK with it for being with someone else. It turns out I was not. Being a cocaine addict and an alcoholic pretty much plus the thought of her being with someone else started to grind my self-conscious. I became increasingly paranoid that she would leave me. One night fueled on cocaine. I got on her laptop and looked through all of her history all of it back years. And I saw she had to stop obsessing over a guy. Is it OK to have a crush on a guy at the gym while married. I confronted her with this information. And it turned into a huge she said I invaded her privacy which I did and still feel terrible for. And she said it was only a crush and nothing else. Our sex life had all the ground, and I was so hurt that she was attracted to someone else and couldn’t even begin to be attracted to me. One night at the beginning of January, maybe the first week or two I was trying to quit drinking and doing cocaine. I had maybe been a week in. It was the weekend and I didn’t want to be alone. I begged her to stay with me, but she went out with her friend. In retaliation, I suppose I went out with someone a friend of mine and got fucked up. We ended up going back to his place with some girls. There was no sex just making out and such. I don’t remember exactly what happened, but I freaked out and got taken home in a cop car. She was at her friends at this point I decided to commit suicide. I overdosed on muscle relaxers with my uncle to tell him bye. My uncle got it out of him that I had overdosed. He called my wife and her and the woman that she was hanging out with came to my house and I was taken to the hospital. I spent a whole week in the hospital. The whole time I was there she just seemed annoyed. She wanted to go back to her friends house and do homework for school. I got out and went back to work. I had to make up some school and the day I was there. I talked to another woman about how I could win her back because she said that she didn’t know if she wanted to be with me anymore. The girls suggested I take her out on a date and tell her how I was feeling and I did. That night while we were eating dinner, she told me that she had been sleeping with that girl the night I tried to commit suicide and other nights. She didn’t tell me she was afraid I would divorce. At first, I remain calm. But as the past, I started to become angry. at home I told her I was leaving to go stay at a friends house because we need to take a break. I started drinking heavily and told her to get the fuck out of my house and I hated her a bunch of other I started drinking heavily and told her to get the fuck out of my house and I hated her a bunch of other terrible things. I went completely off the rails she left with that girl to stay at her house. I bought a bunch of cocaine Adderall and alcohol and was determined to just do drugs until I died. I started self harming. I tried to commit suicide through carbon monoxide, overdose, and hanging. I ruined the house. I broke so many things kicked down doors shattered pictures. You should’ve seen it. It was disgusting. She came by to check on me because she was worried. I was going to kill myself. I can’t remember everything that I said to her, but I know I freaked out. I started throwing things and just being an absolute ass. it culminated her calling my parents. She told him everything. I should also note that during this time I was confused as well with everything going on in my head and thought maybe I would be by and gave a guy a blow job he also gave me one as well. It didn’t last long I wasn’t into it, but I told her the very next day. Had about three months before all this happened. She left again and my mom flew back from Florida. As I sobered up, I began to realize how I had acted. I went to work and immediately told my foreman that I needed to go to rehab. I went to rehab and started to feel better about two months after she had told me and I went to rehab and started to feel better. About two months since the split, we met up at a Starbucks to talk about us. She said that she didn’t think she could be with me anymore. After the way I had acted and all the lying with my addiction. I wanted her back so badly. I told her I’m sorry I was never worth it in a bunch of other stuff that was childish. She said I had acted like her mom and that she couldn’t deal with it. I totally did the yelling throwing things saying horrible things to her to put her down. Anyway, I went no contact with her the whole time she was still living with that girl. I relapsed after about four months. I got laid off from my job. In a few Coke, fueled rages on separate occasions, I would call her and beg her back and then yell at her when she didn’t want to. I called her with cancer and told him that she had cheated on me with a girl. They are very conservative and that was a horrible thing for me to do. So now the end of the tale. I’ve been in and out of sobriety now for this year and a half more in sobriety than out. I’m sober now I’m in AA and NA and feeling much better. Her dad died of cancer. She never told me I heard through a friend of a friend which really hurt me because me and him used to be best friends. Although I understand why she would not reach out to me. Neither me or her have filed the paperwork for the divorce. We just never talk. She has me blocked on Facebook and I don’t know her phone number and honestly right now. I don’t even know if I want to go through with the divorce or just keep working on healing. I’m so confused because I still love her but also I don’t want to be with her but I do. I think about her all the time. I don’t want to break no contact with her. We haven’t spoken in over nine months. I don’t want to open up the wounds for her. If anyone has read this far thank you. I’m typing on my phone so if everything seems rushed and a little sporadic, sorry. I would just like some advice on how maybe I could move forward stay sober and heal from all of this.

Admitting we have a problem is the first step in solving it! Author is a Eugenean talking about her experience with rising crime in the city, never saw this story but hey, still relevant today. Found this little gem by random chance. Title is a hopefully relatable quote from the article. You can agree or disagree with the author, but it's actually pretty well written with sources included. (just including the whole article, for people who don't want to click links!)

I Caught Two Men Stealing From My Home. The Aftermath Was Absurd—and All Too Typical.

This experience crystallized Oregon’s deeper problems.

BY REBECCA SCHUMANJUNE 21, 20225:40 AM
Typically, guys wearing power-company vests don’t leave the houses they’re working on laden down with backpacks—let alone power tools, a scooter, and a Nintendo Switch. But that was the scene I happened upon at 6:30 p.m. on a Tuesday in mid-April when I puttered into my driveway in Eugene, Oregon, my 7-year-old ensconced in the back seat.
For a second, my brain tried to normalize the incident: This is just my daughter’s dad stopping by—except there are two of him, and they’re dressed as electricians for some reason? Then, a second later, everything whooshed into place: Oh, wait, I’m being robbed. Or, rather, I was being burgled. I would get reminded of this distinction later, when I made the dubious choice to join the chorus of aggrieved buttinskies on Nextdoor, where my well-meaning post to warn the neighborhood would turn me into an accidental vigilante hero for a day.
Unfortunately, it’s true: My reaction to this burgle was the lived-out fantasy of many who have been on the business end of a property crime. As the two goons took off on foot down my street, I went into fight-or-flight mode—and I chose fight.
“Well,” I said to my confused child, “let’s go see if we can get our stuff back.”
I peeled my 2005 Subaru back onto the street and easily overtook my two targets, who then hurtled themselves into an alley, whereupon I cornered one by the driver’s side window as the other made haste across the adjacent parking lot.
“Just give it back, bro!” I yelled out my window. “Just give it back! I’m a single mom! Just give it back.”
I repeated this until either I reminded him too much of his meanest teacher or he realized he’d been caught in broad daylight. “Fine,” he said. “Just fucking take it.”
He shoved a backpack through my driver’s side window. Inside it was both my laptops and my daughter’s iPad from school. Back at home, I would discover these guys had used channel lock pliers to force open the back door, but that the general chaos of my home had prevented them from locating my passport, jewelry, or sole item of irreplaceable value: the Montblanc fountain pen that my father, who died in a bicycle accident two years ago, had gotten for his law school graduation. My cat was unfazed.
I can honestly tell you that this little caper of mine was thrilling and deeply satisfying. It was also the exact wrong thing to do. Even this fanatical open-carry gun website implores: “Don’t chase criminals.” What if these two dipsticks had been armed? As unlikely as that was—property crime in my town is often driven by addiction, and weapons are worth money, which can buy drugs—I put myself and my child in potential danger. And for what? Three grand worth of electronics. As any reputable expert will tell you, you’re never to give chase to a thief, because human life is not worth possessions. As much as I admit to enjoying being called a “badass” by everyone I told this story, plus the listeners of KLCC Oregon, I should not have done this.
I did call the police, on the nonemergency line, because the dudes were long gone and nobody was hurt. I declined the dispatcher’s offer to send two officers to fingerprint a bunch of stuff I’d already touched. At best, that would have just added two more sets of prints to my town’s burgeoning roster of perennially at-large property criminals.
There are larger issues here, issues much more important than my would-be cool story. First, it’s an example of how in Eugene, small-scale property crime is now de facto legal. It is largely nonviolent, so it’s rarely seen as worth police resources to track down the goods. At the same time, it is so prevalent that any time one vest-wearing bozo gets nabbed, three more spring up in his place. This was my house’s second break-in in six months, and my fourth property crime total in the three years I’ve lived here as an adult. Eugene is my hometown, so I can also add the four times my childhood house, where my mother still lives, has been burgled since the early 2000s. When I was little, we left our front door unlocked so regularly that I wasn’t aware front doors had locks on them until I was much older. By the time I turned 30, however, every door in my parents’ house had been pried open at least once. (“Time to finally get that alarm system!” said my dad for three straight decades.)
Still, it’s a mistake to treat this trend solely as a vexing crime problem. Eugene’s descent into its property crime epidemic has been concurrent, unsurprisingly, with two addiction epidemics: First, the methamphetamine nightmare of the 1990s—when pseudoephedrine pills were still unregulated—hit Oregon and other Western states particularly hard. That wave segued all too naturally into the opioid and fentanyl crisis of the present. Meanwhile, not only did meth never really leave, but its use in Oregon also surged with the pandemic, with three Oregonians per day currently dying a drug-related death.
Since our conversation was necessarily brief, I don’t know the housing or drug situation of the guys who broke into my place. But local statistics point to them as two more casualties of these plagues. (Granted, those statistics are from nearby Portland, and they are police-sourced, so take them how you wish.)
For all the ambivalent empathy that the opioid epidemic has engendered, the local property crime scourge has set off a fierce public backlash. My incident brought out an unsurprising chorus of bloodlust on Nextdoor and elsewhere, when I shared it because I wanted to give my immediate neighbors a heads-up: “You should have kicked their asses,” they wrote. “We need to rise up and defend our property.”
This town’s petty crime is often attributed, at least in the national conservative press, to our West Coast government’s decision to temporarily allow urban camping during the pandemic. (That policy has now officially ended, for what it’s worth.) Towns like mine have often been characterized in the popular imagination as unlivable crime-addled hellholes. I will be the first to admit that our tent cities are sometimes blatant open-air drug markets, but this is the case even as our property values inflate to absurd proportions—and our crime is actually on the decline. Still, Oregonians like me currently have about a 2.7 percent chance of being burgled, which, at almost 30 percent higher than the national average, is very high. I learned very efficiently how anecdotes like mine get around (I can’t help it if I’m a dynamic storyteller!) and attract the righteous indignation of other former victims, so many often feel, incorrectly, like we few honest vanguards are awash in a sea of riffraff.
This atmosphere, in turn, inspires my locality’s equally unreasonable political extremists to put forth and exacerbate their own untenable solutions. Even in a hyperpolarized American environment, Oregon is more polarized than most. For decades, our liberal enclaves have made Portlandia look understated, while our conservative areas make Texas’ look progressive.
For example, during the heyday of Eugene’s recently dismantled and infamous Washington Jefferson Park tent city, a larger break-in at a bicycle store was traced at least partially back to the encampment. The police swept the tents and made a flurry of arrests. Some of the bikes were found. This resulted in part in outrage over using resources to hassle the city’s most impoverished residents: “A stolen bike, yes, that sucks,” an advocate for the unhoused told a local news outlet. “But what are your priorities? And I’m sorry, but a stolen bike isn’t the priority.”
Well, trust me, in this town, it definitely isn’t. Recovering those bikes was an anomaly; in Eugene, most of these burglaries go unsolved. In fact, 87 percent of burglaries in the whole country do, too. The get-tough-on-property-crime proponents assert that statistically, this sends a message that stealing is fair game, and sure, that is a message I do not condone. But I also agree with a somewhat less rabid version of the opposing view: Property is replaceable, these crimes are nonviolent, and everyone currently rifling through houses and dealing drugs out of tents in my town is human. They deserve a chance to get their lives on track.
So, what should be the town’s priority? Fixing the addiction epidemics is a perilously long way away from happening, for reasons that are as polarizing as addiction’s consequences. In the sobering and excellent Dopesick, author Beth Macy goes into painfully exacting detail about opioids’ near-inescapable hold on the human brain. Macy argues that the true way out of this epidemic is “low-barrier treatment,” which includes supportive housing and medical interventions such as safe injection supplies, fentanyl testing strips, buprenorphine access, and supervised consumption sites. All of these options, however, are a tough sell even in a “progressive” town like Eugene, where supervised consumption sites are what NIMBY nightmares are made of, and low-barrier treatment can run up against deeply held moral stigma: Gas is $5 a gallon, and my taxes are going to some junkie?
In the meantime, while some admirably advocate and vote and wait for those breakthroughs, what should we do about the burglaries themselves? Should we pursue more law enforcement, or more compassion toward the burglars? More arrests that allegedly might deter this, or policies that might alleviate income inequality? Does—as approximately 83 percent of the suggestions from my Nextdoor thread contended—every house in town need a tripwire that handcuffs trespassers on sight? Or should all businesses be taxed at 500 percent, and the proceeds used to furnish every fentanyl dealer in town with a nice apartment and mad cash? The debate has degenerated such that these are the sorts of cartoonish positions each side believes they’re fighting—and, in fact, are the only available choices. Just check out Eugene’s Reddit section any day, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
The actual blight on small American towns like mine isn’t property crime. It’s that any tenable solution to it has been swallowed up into a churning abyss of extremism and perceived counterextremism. No one seems to have a convincing answer to the most basic question: So what should we do? What should I do?
Burglaries don’t have to be largely unsolvable, and more property criminals could be apprehended. But while I don’t want those dudes or any of their buddies to come back to my house, I also don’t want them in an American prison, where their “rehabilitation” will consist largely of learning better ways to commit even bigger crimes when they get out, and their options for alternative forms of acquiring money will be even more limited than they are now. Lacking any meaningful restorative justice program for petty thieves in my town (which would, in turn, necessitate locating and apprehending them), I decided my own problems could be solved, for now, with a padlock on my back gate.
And then, not long after the break-in, a Nintendo Switch appeared on my town’s Craigslist. Its included components and color combination were identical to the set stolen from my house. I debated, briefly, bringing my vigilante justice alter ego Super Annoying out of retirement, answering the ad and showing up to shrill my wrongdoers into returning what was mine. But this time, I thought better of it. My life is not worth much, but it’s probably worth more than Mario Kart. I can only hope the console’s new owners enjoy it as much as my daughter did—at least until someone steals it again.

This will be my first time ever openly sharing about my addiction; from the root cause to the effects and struggles that having a porn addiction has impacted my life to this day
So I just recently turned 21 and I'm beginning to look around and realize that for as long as I've acknowledged that I have a problem and need to quit, I keep feeding the addiction KNOWING that it's ruining my life. I'm going to split this post into 3 sections explaining the following stages: The root causes/early development, Progression of my addiction to current day, and Main struggles from my PA and how I go about everyday life to heal. Not exactly sure why I'm posting this but I just feel like it's something I need to let out. Hope someone can relate or give me their take on it.
The root causes/early development: So I believe that my PA manifested due to a few different reasons: Playing "doctor" with my sister as a child, early age porn exposure, and then using porn as a coping mechanism to deal with any negative emotions. So starting w/ "playing doctor", it first happened at a very young age, somewhere between elementary school to 6th grade. I think most people know what that is but to keep it short basically my sister who is a year older than me introduced my to basically role playing as doctor and patient. I wasn't sure if SHE even knew it was wrong but the point is, it happened. I genuinely don't think she was doing in an abusive way but I'll never know. I don't remember the small details of exactly how it happened but what leads me to think this was a factor that contributed to my porn addiction is that I know now as an adult that it's wrong, however as we "played doctor" I only grew to enjoy it and occasionally we took things outside of "playing doctor" - which is why I don't know what to make of it... Long story short it went from "doctor" to us making up our own games like "spy" where we pretended to fight each other as spy's, getting "knocked out" unconscious while she'd touch... and I specifically remember wanting to play these games in hopes that it led to that. But even outside of playing games I grew to wanting to touch her and act on perverted thoughts as a child that were NOT normal for my age or in general. And sometimes I would sneakily act on them - which as I'm reflecting on right now makes me think that me KNOWINGLY trying to be sneaky and act on perverted thoughts at that young of an age had to have carried on with me as I got older (contributing to my porn addiction).. And then the last thing that I vividly remember was when I was probably 10-12 years old is when again we were actually kind of aggressively play fighting, somehow ended up with each other's hands DOWN THERE mutually and we kept going on with each other until she made me.... yeah. And that was the last memory I had of what started out as us "playing doctor". Fast forward to current date since that last memory and we've never spoken about those experiences (more on that later). Going onto the actual exposure of pornography and WATCHING porn, I was exposed to it somewhere in between the same timeframe as when I'd play doctor and the last memory of us playing (somewhere between the ages of 8-12). I can vividly remember the scene that played late at night on the tv that my parents had left on (I shared a room with them). And then moving forward from there, somewhere in between I would find videos on YouTube of this "prank" channel where he'd go up to paid actors, bet that if he beat them in rock paper scissors that they'd have to make out with him. And as a young kid at the time seeing a girl in a bikini making out with a guy as he grabbed on her ass just made me horny and I learned to masturbate from there. And I cant think of a stronger dopamine hit for a 8-12 year old little me at the time than seeing those videos and pleasuring myself. After this, I'd hit middle school where I was bullied a lot, all while lacking social skills necessary to make any genuine friends or deal with the emotional turmoil of being bullied. Fast forward a few months and I think I just progressively began to normalize using porn as a coping mechanism - All the way from whenever I just got mad while dying repetitively on the videogame, to avoiding the fact that I hated my life everyday that I went to school. I'd use porn to receive that "good feeling" whenever I could. And I think my sexual addiction got worse when I began touching myself in the shower almost everyday in middle school to the imagination of the pretty girls that were at my school, even though I had neverarely talked to some of them. It was just a thing for me where every night I took a shower, I closed my eyes and fantasized about doing stuff with them. And then the cycles of me normalizing these things continued and eventually I found out about REAL porn sites.
Progression of my addiction to current day: So shortly after finding the real porn sites I entirely opted to use those as much as possible as the cycle continued. So by my freshman year of high school I was already using porn sites regularly. I remember during summer and winter breaks, sometimes I'd sleep at my grandmas and stay up all night switching from ejaculating to porn, to watching my favorite youtuber and streamers, to going back to jerking off. It was a multiple times a day/night occurrence OFTEN. Sometimes even during the middle of the day I'd pretend to use the bathroom but really I had a porn video pulled up and I watched until I was done. And as time progressed one video didn't exactly cut it for me. I don't think its that I couldn't get off to the first video, but more so that I just had the urge to see more and didn't want to nut yet. I didn't even know if I was purposely edging or not. I did not even understand that edging was a concept yet. Its just something that occurred naturally for me. And during all of this, I am still somewhere in the age range of 13-15. Consistently ejaculating to pornography, further exploring the more basic categories of porn like anal and lesbian. I think a notable memory was one of the first times I watched porn in the middle of work during summer break (extended family owns a construction company so I worked over breaks). It's crazy because in construction all we have are porta-potties that are always hot and nasty and the urge just came over me one day to pretend like I was using the bathroom and get one off before I went back... I don't think I even realized at the time that I had an addiction because this was still early high school. It was just something I looked at as a good feeling and whenever the urges came to me I took any chance I got to fulfill them. Even if I was sharing a room with a family member, I'd be as slow and quit as I could, touch myself under the covers, finish in my underwear and then showechange the next morning like it was normal. Moving forward, this type of behavior continues all the way throughout high school and the feeling of ejaculating just is not as intense as it use to be, so I look up ways to spice it up and I tried shit all the way from sitting on my own hand til it goes sort or numb so it "feels like someone else is touching you", to doing it in more risky places like my backyard outside when I was home alone and had my pants pulled down all the way, to whatever else I could try. Reflecting back, I just look at all these actions as the progressions of a sexual/porn addiction that is still developing. And this is how I rationalize the way I developed a porn addiction. Now it wasn't AWFUL in high school but it was getting bad. I realized that I had actually had a bad addiction that needed to be addressed a few months after graduating high school. From that point forward It was something that I had acknowledged was an issue but nonetheless, continued to do out of habit and as a continued coping mechanism. Whether it was from the lack of relationships, to my current life situation/direction I was headed in, or just any negative emotion - I used porn to release. Sometimes I'd even just do it out of boredom, not even because I had a dying urge to get one off. And then after that point of realization, I sat in "depression" for a few months still going about my everyday life until one day my dad mentioned that I should try therapy. He knew nothing about the addiction but I did let him know I feel depressed and the many struggles that I faced - which I believe is due to my porn addiction. So long story short, I go to therapy for about 3 sessions and end up dropping it because it just wasn't something I felt was helping or enjoyed (more on that later). From there to current day, I've gone at MOST one week periods attempting to quit porn and every time I relapse. From the age of 1 to-current day 21 years old, the progression of the categories of porn that I watch has grown and a few different fetishes like face sitting, femdom, and role play has increased. I don't NEED to watch these specific categories to get off, however these are ones I've found myself most recently watching and edging to, sometimes for 1-3 hours at a time, usually at night on weekends or before I fall asleep. And to take it a step further, I had started pouring money into camgirl sites, phone sex sites, only fans, etc.. I live with my parents still so it's not to the point that I'm broke and have no money, but still what the fuck am I doing putting my hard earned money into a porn addiction... (I'm a functioning adult on a pathway to financial freedom, more on this later).
Main struggles from my PA and how I go about everyday life to heal: So I believe that the main struggles with my porn addiction consist of: the inability/struggle to create and maintain healthy relationships, low self esteem, poor social skills, lack of motivation, and the cognitive dissonance of continuing my addiction to porn even though morally I believe it is wrong to lust over. I believe all of these struggles that come with porn are connected to each other - minus the cognitive dissonance. But everything else kind of stacks on top of each other. So my thought process is that I already dealt w/ low self esteem and confidence from a very young age, and porn just completely enhanced those problems and made it even harder to fix/work on. If you're anything like me and have watched videos on the sciences of porn on your brain, and possible struggles that we deal with, I'm assuming you know how it goes for the most part. I'd say I show symptoms of all effects of being a porn addict, however I've learned to "act normal" to an extent. Like YES I struggle to make friends and hold conversations with people in general but I can make it happen. Sure it'll be a little awkward depending on who I'm speaking to, but I feel like I act normal enough to not be a total outcast and all out weirdo around people. But I just feel like every relationship I have with anyone is extremely surface level or unfulfilling. I feel like as a person I lack so much substance and personality due to the fact that I never really put myself out there and learned social skills when I was coming up. My mindset was molded into something like "keep your head down and stay out the way" in order to avoid conflict. So I never really put myself out there to develop any type of super crazy/interesting personality. I work, play videogames, go to the gym, watch anime. I feel like there's not much else - which might also be a side affect of my porn addiction. Lack of emotion. And I refuse to call it depression. Kind of got red pilled by Andrew Tate Philosophy and it entirely HAS helped me. Maybe it's real, maybe it's not - because when I was fresh out of high school and hyper focused on the bad parts of my life, I felt depressed as shit. Legit like I couldn't do anything to fix it. And the more I identified as "depressed" the more I allowed myself to look for things in my life to confirm that belief. So eventually I went on a self improvement journey and just stopped allowing "depression" to hold power over me. Now I don't believe in it so it's not something that can hold me down in that crippling way. HOWEVER, I DO believe in just being in a shitty situation - which is what I feel like having a porn addiction along with it's effects and symptoms is. It's a shitty situation and I can either allow it to keep ruining my life OR I can get up everyday and attempt to fix it. And I refuse to play the victim card. Sure, I may have been exposed to some fucked up shit at a young age and used porn as a coping mechanism. There is no denying that it happened and that it may have been unfair and out of my control. YES, that's my problem. I may be a victim of pornography but I do not have to ALLOW it to continue to ruin my life. Easier said than done but it's definitely possible and I will not blame my lack of discipline or call it "depression" because I'm unable to quit. The way I see it is, there is a lot of shit that happened to me in the past that I have to come to terms with, and then I must come up with a plan to improve and learn how to be better. For example, struggling to hold eye contact with people, hold basic conversation with people (specifically women), find confidence within myself, become more social, etc... These are all skills that we can practice and learn. Simply by going outside and putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations that allow us to put the reps in. I believe that if I quit porn and start walking up to 10 strangers a day and try having simple conversations with them, in time I can only get better at being social and connecting with people. It's gonna suck and feel like shit at first, but I truly believe that it's a way to improve and get better. As I stand in my current situation I would say I have a lot of work to do but I'm still a functioning addict. I have friendships and relationships with family but they are very lack luster and I long for something deeper and more intimate. I know I'm not ugly and have the ability to pull a good looking girl, shit I've turned down this really pretty girl who always asks to hangout simply due to the fact that I feel like I'm gonna fuck it up and have bad social skills. And its getting to a point where friends and family are wondering why I haven't had a girlfriend in years. Overall its a lack of self esteem, which hinders me from being able to confidently put myself out there as a person who's deserving of love/companionship, which then makes me sort of self isolate and stray away from any type of connection or opportunity to be vulnerable. Which just leads me to feeling like a loser or someone that is undeserving of love because I'm just in a shitty situation. And yeah. Its kind of a self sabotaging cycle because I feel like I understand what's going on but I don't have the discipline and don't put the work in to get better. But that's just my two cents. This post was extremely long and I probably rifted off topic a few times and had my thoughts all over the place, and I still have a lot more I could give input about but this is the jist of everything
If anyone has a support group or needs someone to talk to, 1. I'd like to join the group, or 2. Feel free to message me for any support or conversation.

My ex and I dated for about 3 months. We had a rule that he wasn't allowed to talk to his most recent ex. Their breakup was very recent so I was uncomfortable with them being in contact. That was one boundary that I put up pretty clearly and we both agreed on it.
Well, we are just chilling one day and I see messages of hers coming in. I demand to see his phone and I see a bunch of recent messages that they exchanged where he even asked her to play video games. So I break up with him right there because he crossed a boundary.
He does not take it well and begs me to give him another chance. I tell him to take all of his stuff and go. So he takes a while to do it and I kick him out.
I still had his location so later that night, I saw him drive to his ex's house. I called him crying, telling him that I was right about him. He leaves me a crazy amount of voicemails and missed calls. After that night, he wouldn't stop trying to reach out to me and it scared me because the texts were so desperate and intensely emotional. I was genuinely nervous about him coming over to yell at me because he seemed so volatile. I blocked him on everything.
The next day, he posted a video of him shaving his long hair short on social media. That freaked me out, he seemed so unwell in that video, so unstable.
So I was right about being scared because he came over to my house to drop off flowers and chocolate(I gave them away), and a card (I threw it out). I unblocked him to tell him that if he came over again, I was going to call the police. I blocked him again after that.
So here comes creepiness. He has been drawing cartoon pictures of me and posting them on his art account. One drawing is of him and I hugging and there is text that accompanies it which says, "Did she think I didn't love her?".
Another is of me as a cartoon, not wearing clothes, my naked cartoon body covered by my hair, with the text saying, "I hope it's not too late". What the fuck man.
The last one is a cartoon of me crouching down with text that says, "Does she think about me like I think about her?".
It is so so so creepy! I just want this whole relationship to never have happened. I have never fallen so out of love before that it has made me hate someone. I know it might sound mean, but I hate him. Like, I fr hate him and I just want him to leave me alone so that I can forget he exists. I hate him so much.
Thank you if you have read this far. It was cathartic writing this.

Hello, I really need advice, I will try to give as much background as possible. I’m a female age 25, he is male age 43. We just made it past a year together.
2 weeks ago i typed this up but couldnt find out how to post it lol: My boyfriend has made it very clear that he is not okay with, as he puts it, “new male friends”. Hes okay with my male friend I’ve had since before we got together (except one, that I decided to let it go because it wasn’t worth it anyways).
I was in a school program for 7 months, I was the class “ambassador” as they call it, people came to me with any questions and I would give everyone my number if they had questions, our teacher actually asked this of us. I was passing all my classes with 98% and above.
Queue a new student, A, weird quirky dude, plays a game that none of my current friends do (league of legends).
Fast forward to one night, my boyfriend has already gone to sleep - and I’m up late with my little brother and A and we made plans for the next morning to play a different game that I had just bought, all three of us. Not A and I alone, me my little brother AND A. I go to sleep thinking I will text my boyfriend whats up when I wakeup - but he calls me at 705AM out of my sleep before I ever planned to wakeup and asks me to play a game with him. I said I’m sorry I can’t I already made plans with my little brother and A - here starts our relationship issues.
Tonight it has come down to if I don’t cut A out of my life we are over. He already brokeup with me technically 2 weeks ago over the same thing but I came by the house and fought for the relationship.
He always crosses my boundaries (seperate issue sorry), I ask him not to drink because when he drinks he is an asshole and … can scream at me or be a little crazy (never physical abuse) but yeah, and I’ve always forgiven him. He tells me I’m controlling that I ask him not to drink, but its from lived experienced while with him that weve both come to the conclusion that he should not drink.
I’ve never been friends with another “male” (as he says) and been unfaithful or been shady, in fact I have only played games with A 3 times, and ALWAYS with my little brother involved.
Tonight he got a beer of course, and he freaked out on me and everything tells me this relationship isnt healthy but I love him so much
I guess my base question is: is it okay to restrict someone from having friends?
He always says ok well if you have male friends I’m gunna go get female friends - I feel like that he is doing it in a spiteful way so therefore it has malicious intent and I don’t like that, but under normal circumstances yes go ahead. I trust him to never cheat on me (sober).
I’m just so lost 😞
I’m sorry if this isnt right for this reddit, I just need advice.

• current

I’m not one of those girls that has a ton of male friends, I just so happened to make this one while going to class everyday. The basis of the friendship was the games we both had in common. I had no malicious intent.
We are in couples therapy now, weve had one session. I put A on hiatus so I can work on my relationship, but today A messaged me asking when we can game. I told him to please respect the space I asked for and that I would reach out when I’m ready (with my boyfriends consent).
I wanted to transparent with my boyfriend tonight so when he got off work I let him know that A reached out to me and it seemed to make him upset. He did the whole thing he did before sayinf he was going to get female friends specifixay one named Staceyfrom work whom I’ve never even heard of!!
Its just frustratinf. Sometimes I wonder if I just let go of this one thing we could be happy and I could get married and have kids, besides this one thing hes really great to me.
Would someone more "submissive" be better for him? I’m starting to wonder if maybe we just don’t mesh together because of this one thing - but isnt that stupid to throw a whole relationship away?
Please be kind, only constructive advice - I’m open to all perspectives but I just ask that you be kind
Thank you
Edit: read what the automod said, please ignore any "is this okay" questions but I did try to delete them already - just looking for advice!

I'm back at it again with another hypothetical chapter. I know that the D&D chapter was just announced, but I was only halfway done with this by Tuesday. I was just a little late ;-;. Just like the previous post, any and all numbers, or lackthereof, are purely hypothetical general ideas.

Map: The Underdark

For the map, all that's needed is just simple ideas, and for this, I would like to see a chunk of the Underdark as a map, a large cavernous underground region full of dark energy and darker denizens. A section of the map, similar to Vecna's map, could be the Mind Flayer's lair.

The Psychic

The Psychic would be a D&D Mind Flayer, a telepathic monster with a squid-like face, and a taste for the intelligent. Power: Mental Dominion

The Psychic can use their vast well of psychic energy as a weapon or to bring forth allies. When your gauge is full, press and hold the Active Ability button to begin charging. When fully charged, press the Attack button to fire a mind blast, or press the Secondary Ability button to conjure forth an Intellect Devourer.

Special Attack: Mind Blast

Fire a short ranged blast of psychic energy, overloading your target, even through obstacles. Hitting a survivor will injure or down them, unless the blast went through an obstacle, triggering Killer Instinct for a short duration instead. (I imagine this working similar to Executioner's ranged attack, but without the injury possibility since it'd be less predictable.)

Special Ability: Intellect Devourers

A conjured Intellect Devourer will wander the map for a long duration and is able to vault over windows and pallets. It wanders at random, but is attracted to scratch marks, generators that are being actively repaired, and loud sound notifications. The Intellect Devourer will instantly detect any survivor that is not hiding in a small radius and begin pursuing them. During this time, it notifies the killer and its aura becomes yellow. It will continue to follow a survivor until it loses them, its timer runs out, or it becomes blinded or stunned. Additionally, survivors can grab and dispel the Intellect Devourer after channeling for a short duration, though this reveals their aura during and afterwards for a length of time. (The key part of the Intellect Devourers is that they don't deal damage and only give intel. As a survivor, do you risk the constant information feed of it following you, or do you dispel it, giving the killer stronger information. For non-D&D fans, Intellect Devourers are medium dog sized monsters that look like brains on legs.)

Perk 1: Unfinished Business

Your simpleminded foes can’t understand the satisfaction in completing one task at a time. Whenever a survivor stops repairing a generator without it being completed or blocked, their aura is revealed for a few seconds. After this perk activates, it goes on cooldown for 60/45/30 seconds. "The mind’s greatest weakness is distraction." — Unknown Scholar

**Perk 2: Unraveled Strategy

With each capture, their plan crumbles. Each time you hook a survivor, the auras of all generators that have progress are revealed to you for a few seconds. If a generator is completed during this time, all other generators become blocked for some time. "Disruption is the first step to domination."

Perk 3: Failure Cascade

Your menacing mind games cause mistakes to multiply. Each time a survivor fails a skill check, Failure Cascade gains a token. For each token, all survivors have a slightly increased chance of triggering a skill check, up to a maximum. Each time a survivor achieves a great success on a skill check, Failure Cascade loses a token. One mistake begets another…

Notes: I imagine the Psychic being a great M1 killer with a lot of information options. I know BHVR hates gen-control perks, but I feel that they provide ways to add control without just regressing.

Elias Greymantle

I know we all absolutely love Aestri, so please be gentle judging this survivor OC. For D&D buffs, he's a human cleric, though I feel that the perks make it pretty obvious. Bio:

“Elias Greymantle was a revered cleric, known for his unwavering faith and dedication to protecting the innocent. His life took a tragic turn when his adventuring party was ambushed by Mind Flayers, leaving him the sole survivor. Driven by grief and a vow to eradicate the abominations, he relentlessly pursued his quarry, always one step behind. During one such hunt, in the heat of battle against his foe, Elias was ensnared by the Entity and brought into its nightmarish realm. Stripped of his past and thrust into perpetual trials, Elias now fights to bring hope and protection to other survivors, using his divine gifts to combat the darkness and seek an end to the Entity's reign.”

Perk 1: Divine Protection

Divine energy shines down upon you and your allies when it is most needed. When unhooking or being unhooked, the survivor doing the unhooking also gains Endurance and Haste for a short time. Then this perk goes on cooldown for 150/120/90 seconds. Completing an altruistic action reduces the cooldown by 10 seconds. "In the light of the divine, we find our strength."

Perk 2: Retribution

You’re determined to fight back, even through insurmountable odds. After getting unhooked, Retribution activates. While active, stunning or blinding the killer will slow them by 10/20/30% and grant you 10/20/30% increased speed for 5 seconds. During this time, your aura and the killer’s aura are revealed to all survivors. Then Retribution deactivates.

Perk 3: Inspiration

Just your presence on the battlefield inspires others to strive for victory. When you are completing a cooperative action, you shroud your allies in protective energy. If you or other survivors also completing the action fail a skill check, no noise is made, but you lose an additional 6/4/2% of progress. Additionally, when either you or the other survivors stop the cooperative action, you each receive 2/4/6% Haste for 5 seconds. "With each task completed, we draw closer to salvation."

Notes: I imagine Elias as a strong support that has a number of ways to adapt to a situation. I have to be fair, and typing this a second time for the reddit post has made me realize just how uninspired his perks are, since 1 is just BT for the savior, and 3 is just a better Technician. Not to mention the accidental matching name with the real D&D reveal on Tuesday. (To be fair, I made this perk before Tuesday's reveal)

Conclusion

I appreciate everyone's time reading this and hope that the killer, power, and perks are compelling and creative. Please comment what you think so we can have open discussion. Thank you!

At 17, I graduated a year early—woohoo! But, truthfully, I have mixed feelings about homeschooling. Academically, it's been fantastic; I've achieved way better grades than I did in public school, thanks to the ability to focus without constant interruptions. However, socially, it's been a struggle. I'm not overly outgoing, but I do crave social interaction.
My homeschooling journey began just before COVID due to medical reasons—Crohn's disease. It was a tough time; my health wasn't great, and homeschooling seemed like the best option. Even after COVID, I stuck with it, fearing the impact on my health if I returned to public school. Looking back, I wonder if that was my biggest mistake.
Every day, I think about what could have been if I had returned to public school. Graduating has hit me hard; all my friends went back to school, while I remained isolated at home, more interested in video games than socializing. It wasn't until 9th grade that I realized how much I was missing out on. I made an attempt to go back, but my health wasn't cooperating, forcing me to leave once again.
That year was one of the toughest of my life. I felt like I let everyone down—my friends, my family, and myself. I felt perpetually lonely, misunderstood, and often envied for being homeschooled, despite the struggles. Most of those friends have faded away; only three remain from my original group. Seeing them enjoy typical high school experiences like prom while I missed out made me feel like I had to grow up too fast.
For years, my life was a strict routine: wake up, study, eat, sleep—no breaks. I missed out on invitations and gatherings, making me feel even more isolated. Without my best friend by my side, I don't know how I would have coped. He's been my rock, my escape from the loneliness.
Now, as I prepare for college, I'm hopeful for a change. Living on campus offers a chance for a fresh start, new experiences, and hopefully, a sense of belonging. Despite the challenges, I still have hope for the future.
I understand if it seems like I'm just rambling and complaining, and I recognize that many people face far greater challenges than I do. Some may have never experienced public school at all. But for me, this is my way of letting out frustrations and seeking validation. I'm open to hearing other perspectives or providing support to anyone else who might feel the same way. It's tough feeling isolated and misunderstood, like you're trapped in a cycle with no one who truly comprehends your struggles and situation.

Welcome to the series of Changes to be Made to the Super Smash Bros. Playable Fighters. First, we are going with the playable fighters of the original game, Smash 64. Now this topic has been done before, though it'd to make my own version. Plus, while some did get some proper changes, the original 12 are still the biggest offenders when it comes to bad or outdated choices of Movesets, animations, aesthetics, etc. Here is a list of them.
Mario:

• Mario will now have his voice from Kevin Afghani instead of Charles Martinet due to the latter retiring from his acting career.
• He is now able to crawl.
• His Fire Mario & Wario Alts. return.
• He now has a water meter from Super Mario Sunshine, where by using the shield special button. the water meter refills after usage.
• Down-Tilt - Roll: Performs a forward Roll.
• Side-Smash - Hammer: Swings his hammer forward.
• Up-Smash - Super Jump Punch: Does a jumping uppercut in place that produces Star Coins or Metro Kingdom Special Coins on contact.
• Neutral-Aerial - Spin Jump: Spins himself around.
• Down-Aerial - Ground Pound: Butt Stomps downward, bouncing on & meteor spiking opponents.
• Neutral-Special: Name is changed to Firebrand.
• Side-Special - Cappy: Tosses Cappy forward like a boomerang and/or can jump on him like an extra platform.
• Up-Smash - Wing Cap: Spawns a Wing Cap & shoots up into the air before gliding.
• Down-Special: F.L.U.D.D remains here and functions the same though it can now damage opponents and can turn into nuzzle form while in the air and help mario into the air.
• Final-Smash: Name is changed to Ultra Fireball and functions like in Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars.
• Up-Taunt: Returns to his old one, where he briefly grows in size as if obtaining a Mushroom.
• Left Victory Pose: Jumps to the top of a flagpole, slides down it, then hops off and happily poses.

Donkey Kong:

• Donkey Kong will now have his voice from Takashi Nagasako instead of the stupid & bland realistic Gorilla Grunts.
• His white alt. has a blue tie to accurately represent Super Kong.
• Neutral-Special - Coconut Shooter: Takes out His Coconut Shooter, then fires a Coconut.
• Side-Special - Barrel Throw: Throws a barrel across the stage, which just like with the normal Barrel item, it can be picked up and thrown by other fighters.
• Up-Special - Barrel Cannon: Enters a barrel cannon and fires himself in the direction that is input.
• Up-Taunt: Still pounds his chest, but now hollers wildly while doing so.
• Idle Animation #2: He quickly sit downs and pull out a Nintendo Switch and play on it, based on an idle pose from the Retro Donkey Kong Country games
• Left Victory Pose: DK rapidly punches and kicks a Slot Machine Barrel from the Retro Donkey Kong Country games, breaking it and releasing a bunch of bananas; once he's done, he lands on the ground and smiles for the camera, while giving a thumbs-up
• Right Victory Pose: He still pounds his chest, but just like his new Up-Taunt, hollers wildly.

Link:

• Link will not just use the Master Sword, he will also use the Ancient Axe and Guardian Spear.
• Side-Smash - Spear Thrust: Performs a straight-forward stab with his Spear.
• Up-Smash - Vertical Spin: Jumps and Spin slashes upwards, which at 0% damage can shoot a sword beam.
• Down-Smash: Spins his axe around while charging, and then slams his axe onto the ground.
• Neutral-Aerial: Spins the Axe in a circle.
• Forward-Aerial: Thrusts the spear forwards.
• Grab - Magnesis: Picks up a Magnet, then Fires two whips to grab an opponent, which can be used as a tether recovery.
• Neutral-Special: More arrows than just wooden ones, which he can pull from the Menu.
• Fire Arrows: Deal fire damage.
• Ice Arrows: Freeze opponents when at high enough percentages.
• Thunder Arrows: Make a bolt of lightning strike the opponent hit, dealing electric damage.
• Bomb Arrows: Explode on contact.
• Light Arrows: Goes through opponents when fully charged.
• Ancient Arrows: Creates a massive blue explosion of energy.
• Up-Special - Sailcloth: Pulls out the Sailcloth, then goes in an updraft and afterwards goes straight down without changing direction.

Power Suit Samus:

• Her default outfit is now her Metroid Dread Varia Suit.
• Her green alt. is replaced by a blue and white skin, based on her default suit from Metroid Dread.
• Now moves slightly faster and has more air speed.
• She now has the option to switch between the Default & Ice Beam Energy Modes with the Shield Special Button.
• When using her Side Special, she only has 10 rockets at the beginning of the match, but they do reload when not in use or after getting KO'd.
• Jab - Cannon Kata: Starts with a straight punch, then thrusts her arm cannon forward for the second hit and fires a small energy blast.
• Up-Tilt - Melee Counter: Swings her arm cannon upward.
• Down-Tilt - Slide: Performs a forward sliding kick.
• Dash-Attack - Dash Melee: Swings her Arm Cannon upwards while running.
• Side-Smash - Diffusion Blast: Releases an area of effect blasts at Close-ranged.
• Up-Smash - Overhead Blast: Same as Side Smash Attack but upwards.
• Neutral-Aerial: Her old Up Special, Screw Attack, is moved here.
• Forward-Aerial - Spazer Beam: Fires a blast that splits into three lasers.
• Pummel - Grapple Voltage: Deals Electric Damage and heals herself somewhat.
• Back-Throw - Wave Beam: Swings the opponent behind herself & fires an energy blast in a sine curve at them.
• Neutral-Special: Also adds Ice Beam, where She fires Ice Beams, dealing ice damage & freezes opponents.
• Side-Special: Functions the same if tapped, though can now fire 5 or 10 missiles if held.
• Up-Special - Shinespark: Launches herself in any inputted direction as a gold shine emerges.
• Down-Special: Also adds Freeze Field, where she summons 3 spinning ice projectiles that block attacks, deal ice damage & freeze opponents.
• Final-Smash - Hyper Beam: Charges her arm cannon & fires a large beam of energy, which can be angled & can go through opponents & walls.

Yoshi:

• The Black Yoshi alt. returns.
• They can carry a max of 6 eggs they create with their Neutral Special.
• Grab: Functions the same though now also functions as a tether recovery and ledge clinger.
• Neutral-Special: Same changes as Grab, though, it can also now grab items and projectiles.
• Side-Special: Their old Up Special, Egg Throw, is moved here and now has reticle which is an angle for the eggs to be thrown in that direction.
• Up-Special - Wing Flutter: Small wings emerge from his back as he flaps into the air.
• Down-Special - Ground Pound: Function is the same, though the name is changed and it can now also bounce on & meteor spike opponents.

Kirby:

• Kirby's gimmick now consists of the Copy Abilities from the Kirby games rather than Copied Neutral Specials.
• Down-Tilt - Slide: Performs a forward Sliding Kick.
• Dash-Attack: Gets back his Brawl and Smash 4 Dash attack, Break Spin, and functions the same in said games.
• Side-Smash - Staff: Swings the Staff forward.
• Up-Smash - Yo-Yo: Spins the Yo-Yo upwards, then brings it back to him.
• Down-Smash - Bell: Performs a spin and then strikes on both sides of him with his bells, creating 2 damaging soundwaves.
• Neutral-Special: Functions the same though now can also spit opponents and items like a projectile.
• Side-Special - Circus Somersault: Does two short somersaults and backsaults back to where he started the attack.
• Up-Special - Hi-Jump: Jumps high into the air and turns left or right and can collide with opponents along the way.
• Down-Special: Same Move though it gets tweaks such as it can also now temporarily slide when kirby dashes.
• Final-Smash - Paint Out: Sprays blobs of paint all over, causing damage and knockback to opponents.

Fox:

• Final-Smash - Arwing: Says "It's go time", then hops aboard onto the Arwing, then goes into First-Person perspective, with the Arwing firing either Arwing Shots or Smart Bomb.

Pikachu:

• Pikachu mostly now has alternate colors, although its libre costume remains. Its alternate colors are Blue (Marill), Dark Orange (Raichu), Gray (Togedemaru), White (Pachirisu), Brown (Patrat) and Purple (Rattata).
• Up-Tilt - Thunder Punch: Punches with large fists of electricity upwards.
• Dash-Attack - Wild Charge: Shrouds itself in electricity and smashes into the opponent. This also damages it a little.
• Up-Smash - Iron Tail: Functions the same though the tail also becomes whitish-gray in color and hits a bit harder.
• Neutral-Aerial - Discharge: Strikes opponents by letting loose some electricity.
• Neutral-Special - Electro Ball: Still shoots a ball of electricity after being created from its cheeks, though it can be fired forwards and can no longer stick on stages or platforms.
• Side-Special - Zippy Zap: Charges up electricity as it's surrounded by electricity after charge. If charged, it goes farther faster dash forwards. If Uncharged however, it makes a quick short dash forwards.
• Final-Smash - Volt Tackle: Electrifies its entire body and blast forwards like a super-charged projectile and If it manages to hit an opponent, a large electrical explosion comes upon impact, launching nearby fighters, also dealing electric damage.

Luigi:

• Like Mario, Luigi will now have his voice from Kevin Afghani instead of Charles Martinet due to the latter retiring from his acting career.
• Luigi is now able to wall jump.
• Luigi has a meter each of the Elemental Medals, where by picking a certain element, he uses that element though can be refilled by using the shield special button.
• Side-Smash - Hammer: Swings his hammer forward.
• Down-Smash - Burst: A burst of wind propels him upward, startling him as a wind circle emerges around himself.
• Neutral-Aerial - Spin Jump: Spins himself around.
• Down-Aerial - Ground Pound: Butt Stomps downward, bouncing on & meteor spiking opponents.
• Neutral-Special - Thunderhand: Fires an electricity ball from his right hand, dealing electric damage.
• Side-Special - Spin Tornado: Winds Up and Spins Forward, generating a tornado that covers him completely then dealing multiple Hits toward opponents in the way before launching them.
• Down-Special - Elemental Medals: Picks one of the Element Medals and uses one of them from a Menu.
• Fire: Deals fire damage.
• Ice: Deals ice damage & freezes opponents.
• Water: Deals water damage.

Ness:

• When using his Baseball Bat while fully charging it in his side smash, the SMAAAASH!!!! text box appears.
• Down-Smash - Paralysis: Deals stun damage with his PSI.
• Neutral-Special - Slingshot: Pulls out the Slingshot, then fires a projectile, which can be aimed forwards, upwards or downwards.
• Side-Special: His old Neutral Special, PK Flash, is moved here and now fires it forward.
• Down-Special - Lifeup: Heals damage taken with his PSI.
• Final-Smash - PSI Rockin Ω: Fires a PSI burst forward & creates several psychic fireworks on any caught opponents before releasing a larger burst.

Captain Falcon:

• Neutral-Special - Pistol: Pulls out a Pistol, then shoots energy out of it, dealing electric damage.

Jigglypuff:

• Jigglypuff will now have alternate colors instead of Headwear. Its alternate colors include Black (Gastly), Purple (Koffing), Blue (Marill), Beige (Rowlet), Green (Solosis), Light Yellow (Togepi) and Brown (Hoothoot).
• Jab - Double Slap: Performs two alternating slaps forward, which can be used five times.
• Side-Tilt - Uproar: Causes an Uproar, making sound waves come out of its mouth at the opponent.
• Up-Tilt - Mega Punch: Performs an upward strong punch with its right hand.
• Down-Tilt - Round: Takes a quick breath, then fires a high-pitched blast of sound from her mouth.
• Side-Smash - Zen Headbutt: Headbutts opponents with psychic willpower.
• Up-Smash - Drain Punch: Punches with its fists upwards, then drains their health, healing itself.
• Down-Smash - Frustration: Slams its hands onto the ground in anger.
• Neutral-Aerial - Gyro Ball: Gets surrounded by a metallic aura, then spins rapidly and slams the opponent.
• Forward-Aerial - Brick Break: Performs a forward swing chop.
• Back-Aerial - Mega Kick: Performs a strong swing kick with its right foot.
• Up-Aerial - Icy Wind: Releases a wind of Ice from its mouth upwards, dealing ice damage and freezing opponents.
• Down-Aerial - Body Slam: Falls downward towards the opponent, meteor spiking them.
• Pummel: Its old Side Special, Pound, is moved here and now it just punches the opponent.
• Forward Throw - Focus Punch: Briefly lets go of the opponent to punch them with a high amount of force, launching them away from it.
• Back-Throw - Fling: Picks up the opponent, then throws them backwards.
• Up-Throw - Psychic: Picks the opponent up with its psychic power, then launches them up.
• Down-Throw: Its old Neutral Special, Rollout, is moved here and now turns into a boulder, then pins the opponent down and rolls on the their back.
• Neutral-Special - Disarming Voice: Lets out a Charm Cry that does emotional damage to the opponent.
• Side-Special - Dazzling Gleam: Emits a Powerful Flash.
• Up-Special - Bounce: Jumps into the air, then lands back on the opponents or stages, bouncing on the opponent and/or stage, which when landing and bouncing on the opponent, it can use other attacks, but when landing on the stage instead of opponent it can't directly attack again.
• Down-Special: Its old Up Special, Sing, is moved here.
• Final-Smash - Hyper Voice: Inhales a bunch of air, inflating her balloon-like body a bit, before letting out a loud attack that uses sound waves & blasts opponents backwards quite a distance.
• Side-Taunt: The animation remains exactly the same, but sparkly energy now surrounds her body.
• Up Victory Pose: Jigglypuff twirls around like a ballerina as sparkly energy surrounds her body, before hopping on one leg and posing for the camera.

And, there you go. This took a little while, though i hope to hear your feelings about these changes (as long as your reasons for your feelings are good). Any changes that you want to see to the original 12 that i didn't mention and did i misplace some moves? or did i add a change that was unnecessary? It'd be cool to see what other people can come up with.

So for some context: I’m 18 years old currently and for the past 12 years I’ve been friends with an individual who has been completely abusive and manipulative.
This dude has always made me feel less of myself and I think hes the reason I have trust issues today.
I used to call him out on his actions for years but he would flip the script and make it as it was MY fault and that I am the villain. To the point where for YEARS I believed in until literally 12 months ago.
I used to think I was the abusive one. And I felt terrible for it. Until I learned that my mother got an email from a teacher we were both in class with asking the school board to separate us because he was so malicious towards me
Then I found out all of his friends think he’s abusive as well, including some of my own who have all left him.
I have ceased contact with him finally and I know he’s been very upset about it. However, we still follow each other on Instagram and I want to unfollow and block him so badly but I’m afraid he will find out and then harass me for the rest of my life by trying to be my enemy.
Ik it might sound irrational but he’s not exempt from doing this. Should I do it? Or is it not worth the risk?

I’m 17F, in my last year of high school, and just got diagnosed with Level 1 Autism. To preface, it was my own decision to get this diagnosis, which took a lot of work on both my behalf, my parents, and my therapist. I thought it was a good idea because I have always struggled with feeling “different” (and being told that too). I started seeing a psychological therapist for general reasons, and she taught me about autism in women and how it can show, and I felt really validated and seen. I felt like I wasn’t alone in my “weirdness” and “abnormality” for once- like this was the “answer” I had been looking for. So I told my parents I wanted to get tested, and after some back-and-forth with my therapist, they agreed. It took just over a year for me to finally book a spot with a psychiatrist (applied in March 2023 and just had my testing in April 2024). It was an extremely draining process, anyone who’s been through it will know! It also cost my middle-class parents a lot of money. On top of that, I developed an eating disorder throughout the months of waiting, which took an extra toll on my mental and physical health (as well as my parents’). Entering 2024 (marking a year since starting my “mental health/diagnosis” journey), I felt like a walking mess with issue after issue that was only bringing myself and my family down. The waiting game of trying to secure a spot in such an over-saturated mental health system affected my schooling, work-life, and personal life by making me pretty much incapable. Of course the eating disorder just added to it, causing physical health issues that led me into the hospital on countless occasions. I had hope that getting this long awaited diagnosis would fix all that was broken, giving me an answer and some clarity. Additionally, my parents were hopeful that we could apply for NDIS to get some extra financial support in seeking further therapy (general and now for my ED), as well as some personal financial support for myself due to the fact that I can’t work. Boy were we all wrong! My diagnosis has given me nothing but stress, shame, guilt, and regret. I feel useless, even more abnormal, and depressed. Apparently Level 1 Autism doesn’t hit the mark for NDIS compensation (or any NDIS support for that matter). We are classified as too “normal”. So wtf is the point of this diagnosis? You tell me. It’s a useless label that only further segregates me from society, but not “enough” to be able to get support. I cant reverse it, so i’m stuck with it for life. It’s like a reminder of these horrible times i’m having to live through. I feel such deep anger and regret for opening this wormhole of “mental well-being”, because i’ve only been met with a dead-end a raging ED that is consuming me whole. It has stressed my parents, dropped my grades, and ruined me. I only have myself to blame! I hate it. My advice for anyone who may be entering the seemingly “validating” journal of mental health is turn back now. Unless you are sure of what you want/can receive from it, it will leave you in shambles. Apologies for the amount of negative talk, but I just don’t know what to do with myself/my life. I am such a burden and i’ve made that clear to everyone in my life- who now have to suffer with my brokenness.

I (27F) last last winter (2022) wrote a long letter to my mom. I poured my heart into it, I cried the whole time writing it. I showed it to my husband to make sure I wasn’t being too mean in my writing towards my mom. I showed it to my stepsister to again make sure it was okay and made sense and to get emotional support (I’m Mexican and I didn’t want to push too far because i understand how deep generational trauma is and the parent child dynamic) I even showed it to my stepdad who immediately called me apologizing for the things I wrote in the letter (which I will get into in a moment) and was telling me about how he will divorce her (I didn’t want that and made me feel shitty) and explained why some scenarios ended up the way they did. Everyone encouraged me to send it. I was so confident that my mom was going to read it and drive over ? Write back? Call me. Something ! So I mailed it. (I mailed it because I instantly cry every time I try talking to her in person about not surface level things, it would of been easier getting words out especially when having to translate to Spanish)
In the letter I wrote about:
-Feeling emotionally neglected -the name calling my mom would do (calling me “retarded” and mimicking noises and movements of people with disability towards me among other things -My uncle being a pedo and scaring me into not saying anything to them, i later said something to a friend in HS who went to the counselor who called the police and I made up a person to protect my uncle, I was then grounded for over a year. -the carpet in my bedroom always being wet when it rained which is a lot where I live ruining my feet with a fungal infection that was just ignored (i understand it was a money issue but the hurt remains) -being blamed for high utility bills n being expensive for needing braces -being called lazy for not cleaning and asking her to teach me how and being ignored -asking her any question and being ignored -my boyfriend in high school being suicidal when I would try to break up with him and hurting that I couldn’t go to them for help -saying that I tried to hit her to my step dad when I moved out of the way of her too quickly and making a scene about it leaving me confused -understanding that i understand she probably had a rough childhood and that all I wanted was a normal mother daughter relationship
That’s pretty much the gist among a bunch of other little things that really hurt me and I explained that it was hard to form a relationship with her in my adulthood and trust her with my kids until we addressed these things. I wanted to be acknowledged. Not even an apology really. But a conversation. I wanted to understand her more because I literally don’t know anything about her. We would never talk unless it was to eat dinner or clean something. I was always in my room during that time.
I waited a few weeks, my stepsister would visit them here and there and tell me how my mom appears sad? And maybe she needed more time.
A few months pass by I see my mom smiling in Hawaii having a good time.
At this point I’m in therapy because I’m losing hair from the stress of this and severely depressed.
Fall comes around and I finally go to visit with the encouragement of my husband, stepsister and stepdad. She acts like I’m not even there. This makes me angry. At one point my mom goes outside to smoke a cigarette im at the table with everyone and I start just talking about the hurts again, I say my mom is a narcissistic. My mom comes back inside. And for an hour. I’m complaining and she’s in the living room a few feet away saying absolutely nothing.
I leave feeling so weird. So lonely? We are now I’m 2024. I don’t have a relationship with her or my step dad really. I had to block her because she would go to Hawaii again and just living her life having a great time I was trying not to be bitter. Or angry. My step sister and step dad eventually started to question how legitimate my statements were it was so painful being misunderstood. Being told that that’s just the mom that I have. Being told that things were maybe my fault for having a problem with everything (I would always speak up when my parents would be racist and things)
I few months ago I did send her a text as a final effort. I asked why she never responded. If she wants to just leave this alone that’s okay and I will move on. And she told me that all that was on the letter were complaints. And told me about how when I was 20 I made a comment on a Facebook post about bad parenting and how everyone saw. About how embarrassed she was when people reached out to her. About how I wrote that I felt like I was in a dark environment. I didn’t know everyone saw it. I apologized for that. She told me to come over to talk because she personally has some complains about me. But she never acknowledged me. I didn’t want to go, to feel yelled at and again taken back to being a child getting yelled at.
I’m currently feeling grief. Mistrust to my family. Lonely. Jealous? About how my other siblings seem to be having a better time. How do I move on from feeling misunderstood. I feel like everyone is okay and I’m abandoned. I feel guilt for pulling my small family away from them from how hurt I am. Most times I’m okay until I see my stepsister at a family gathering that I’m never invited to. And then I’m back again to being a lonely child.

I’m 17F, in my last year of high school, and just got diagnosed with Level 1 Autism. To preface, it was my own decision to get this diagnosis, which took a lot of work on both my behalf, my parents, and my therapist. I thought it was a good idea because I have always struggled with feeling “different” (and being told that too). I started seeing a psychological therapist for general reasons, and she taught me about autism in women and how it can show, and I felt really validated and seen. I felt like I wasn’t alone in my “weirdness” and “abnormality” for once- like this was the “answer” I had been looking for. So I told my parents I wanted to get tested, and after some back-and-forth with my therapist, they agreed. It took just over a year for me to finally book a spot with a psychiatrist (applied in March 2023 and just had my testing in April 2024). It was an extremely draining process, anyone who’s been through it will know! It also cost my middle-class parents a lot of money. On top of that, I developed an eating disorder throughout the months of waiting, which took an extra toll on my mental and physical health (as well as my parents’). Entering 2024 (marking a year since starting my “mental health/diagnosis” journey), I felt like a walking mess with issue after issue that was only bringing myself and my family down. The waiting game of trying to secure a spot in such an over-saturated mental health system affected my schooling, work-life, and personal life by making me pretty much incapable. Of course the eating disorder just added to it, causing physical health issues that led me into the hospital on countless occasions. I had hope that getting this long awaited diagnosis would fix all that was broken, giving me an answer and some clarity. Additionally, my parents were hopeful that we could apply for NDIS to get some extra financial support in seeking further therapy (general and now for my ED), as well as some personal financial support for myself due to the fact that I can’t work. Boy were we all wrong! My diagnosis has given me nothing but stress, shame, guilt, and regret. I feel useless, even more abnormal, and depressed. Apparently Level 1 Autism doesn’t hit the mark for NDIS compensation (or any NDIS support for that matter). We are classified as too “normal”. So wtf is the point of this diagnosis? You tell me. It’s a useless label that only further segregates me from society, but not “enough” to be able to get support. I cant reverse it, so i’m stuck with it for life. It’s like a reminder of these horrible times i’m having to live through. I feel such deep anger and regret for opening this wormhole of “mental well-being”, because i’ve only been met with a dead-end a raging ED that is consuming me whole. It has stressed my parents, dropped my grades, and ruined me. I only have myself to blame! I hate it. My advice for anyone who may be entering the seemingly “validating” journal of mental health is turn back now. Unless you are sure of what you want/can receive from it, it will leave you in shambles. Apologies for the amount of negative talk, but I just don’t know what to do with myself/my life. I am such a burden and i’ve made that clear to everyone in my life- who now have to suffer with my brokenness.

The title says it all, I know I’m probably going to get hate for this. But I feel like they’re pushing this stuff down our throats and most fans don’t like it. So I get to choose between a Japanese girl, which does fit historically kind of , but I’m a guy, so I’d rather pick a guy character just how I am nothing against women. Or I get to choose a black guy in Japan as a samurai. Now I know the stories of the African slave who fought with Oda Nobunaga it’s very debatable, whether he actually became a samurai or not, but as a black man myself I’d rather play as a Japanese male who’s somehow related to a samurai clan. Or how about we just got to make our own character and make them look like us like dragons dogma2 . To me, I like that idea of reaching more players, that may want to play different races, but you only give us two options in this and I honestly feel like they’re trying to push diversity and inclusion down our throats same thing with the Star Wars game coming out where you have to be a girl and of course I’m gonna buy both these games and play them. It just bothers me. What’s next are we going to be forced to play furry character? That’s where this is going one day we may even have a furry president people may think oh you’re over reacting. The problem is that’s exactly where we’re headed. Ubisoft has made many mistakes as of late they need to get a new CEO or head of the company or something. Or one day It will be the most hated game company by players I don’t even know if I can pre-order these games at this point, they failed me with assassin‘s creed Mirage. They failed me with skull and bones, I liked Valhalla, but the ragdoll mechanics and the sword and axe play was garbage I mean I hit somebody and they just become a ragdoll like in the burn out game where you got to crash and your character flew out the window and they just go flying all over .after you hit some one in ac Valhalla, the same thing happens, it’s so unrealistic. What next Ubisoft a AAAAA game ? Just give me history like the developers of kingdom come deliverance . Your failing your hardcore fans for people who may only spend a few hrs on your game and go to the next . Most people who want all this diversity and inclusion in games don’t even play games like hard-core gamers. , and if it’s about diversity and inclusion, how about we can make our own character you can’t get more diverse than that. Maybe it’s more about the agenda I don’t know what the hell is going on with the world it’s not how I remembered it 10 years ago. I’m not even old, but I feel old. “Back in my day sunny we rode dinosaurs to school”. Those were the good old days.

Hydra 1.2.1 is out

• Specific improvement in CPU, RAM and disk usage
• Added short tutorials for DODI and OnlineFix
• Added support for downloads using RealDebrid
• Fixed white screen bug
• Correction of freezes
• Fixed bug where Hydra would not load games in countries where Steam is blocked (such as Russia)
• Confirmation of download directory when choosing a download option
• Added trailers and screenshots to the game details page
• Support for new languages ​​(list too long to put here)
• Possibility to enable Hydra to start with Windows
• Possibility to enable Hydra to be closed by clicking on “X”
• Fixed bug where duplicate games appeared in the “Surprise Me” button
• Bug fixed where HowLongToBeat no longer loads- Specific improvement in CPU, RAM and disk usage
• Added short tutorials for DODI and OnlineFix
• Added support for downloads using RealDebrid
• Fixed white screen bug
• Correction of freezes
• Fixed bug where Hydra would not load games in countries where Steam is blocked (such as Russia)
• Confirmation of download directory when choosing a download option
• Added trailers and screenshots to the game details page
• Support for new languages ​​(list too long to put here)
• Possibility to enable Hydra to start with Windows
• Possibility to enable Hydra to be closed by clicking on “X”
• Fixed bug where duplicate games appeared in the “Surprise Me” button
• Bug fixed where HowLongToBeat no longer loads

https://github.com/hydralaunchehydra/releases/tag/v1.2.1

Hello, reddit First, tw: Self harm and suicidal thoughts, please skip if triggering Here is the thing, I'm basically asking for judgement here, and if I really deserve what I am doing to myself. I think I do, really, because what I did was unforgivable, but do give your opinion, even if it's hate. Because I do deserve it here, really. So, I grew up in a religious family. Like, one in which things like "love marriage " And......well.......The "child making process" was considered a sin. Absolute sin. Like—I did not know what......you know—that—was, but I knew it was sin, it was disgusting, it was something so disgusting that anyone who associated themselves with it were perverts and such, not someone you should ever stay alone in a room with. Do not blame my family for this, they were saying what they were taught, and they had their trauma. They have broken through enough abuse for me, do not blame them please. Anyways, I was a huge fan of Harry Potter. And I stumbled into the world of fanfiction. And I read them. Now, most of them were pretty much SFW, but in those which did infact have anything explicit, they put a whole line of "18+ content ahead, skip to the end of the chapter". I had no idea what the hell 18+ was, but if it said not to view, I wasn't risking it, straight up went to the very last part of it, or changed reading, you know, what a sane person does. Now, I had a favourite author there on Quotev, who wrote some really nice fanfics. Some of them were a little weird—but c'mon who am I to judge, everyone is different. One day, I stumbled upon some works of her. Well, the stories she did write, those were completely SFW. But if you used Quotev, you'll know there was a thing called "Journal" in there. Sort of like "conversation" in Wattpad. There, she had written NSFW chapters on the characters. Here's the thing. There was no warning. None at all. No warning or tagging or anything provided there to show that it was 18+. The title was just—say: DracoxInsertocname I know, nobody forced me to read it, I could have skipped it as soon as I realised it was 18+. But here is the thing. I DIDN'T know what it was. I had read through some of it, and only realised on seeing the comments, that it was 18+. And I felt. I felt tainted, like I had committed a sin. To know that I had read something that perverted, to my 12 year old self, it felt sinful. Like I had my pure white mind muddied out of carelessness. I know, authors don't own us any tags. And if it were a hardcover book, it wouldn't have any tags. But here is the thing. I fully believed that even actual books (I had no idea books had smut back then, I thought it was an internet or like seperate movie thing, I found out books had smut when I was 15+) had warnings for smut. Blood and gore? Sure, no problem, make it as gross as you want, no warnings needed. But something as sinful as 18+? Must be tagged. MUST. BE . TAGGED. That was my thought process. Remember it wasn't AO3. So there was no tagging system. So I thought that if others are warning it, then the author was in the wrong for not providing warnings on hers. It was a site where children as young as 11 were. Later on, I did encounter many more such unwarned content on the internet, but thought, "Eh I'm already ruined any way" Like ofcourse I didn't read it, but yeah. Logic. That I was a sinner too, so I can't get offended anymore. Here comes the bad part, for which, if you hate me, I'll not blame you. I wrote her a letter. Like, online obviously. In the inbox of her writing site. I was.....very mean. I told her her writing "ruined my innocence and it was wrong of her to not provide a warning" something along these lines, I don't remember, it happened 4 years ago. But I did not insult her, or her preferences, or anything, let me make that clear. Just wrote in detail of how her work affected me negatively. If it in itself were insulting, I apologise. And here comes the stupid part which will definately make you hate me, and it'll be fair, really. She always said she liked dark humor. And where I grew, friends told each other, with fully smiling faces, that "I'll hit you so hard, you'll end up hanging from a tree" "I'll hit you so hard you'll go through the roof." Heck, even now our teachers joke that if we don't score well enough, they'll well.....very graphically describe how they'll beat us. So I grew up knowing violence was a joke. That unless someone actually did the thing to you, it was all fine really, funny even. Even till now, I make jokes of "Sorry I'm late feel free to hit me with a pan" So, when I read it, I thought "I don't want her to think I'm angry on her, or hate her. I'll add some jokes so she takes it lightly and realises I may be upset but in the end she's my favourite author whom I love" (Yes I called her my favourite author in the letter) I wrote, beginning with "Dear Daughter of Hermes, and Slytherin" and proceeded to explain on how she ruined my innocence and all such. I did not use any curse words—to clarify. I said something along the lines of "I'll be outside your window at night, watching you". Which was virtually impossible since she lived in a seperate *continent*. "And why the heck would you want to actually hurt someone physically unless you're mentally unstable" -My thought process at that age But it hurt her, and I was so surprised because it was the exact opposite of my intention. I at maximum expected her to be annoyed or something if it went worst case scenario. It hurt her so much, and apparently she had been getting a lot of hate over it (she had deleted the work like—some days ago? I don't remember) and that I should unfollow her. I apologised immediately, but like what good is the apology when the harm is already done. I had already planned to delete my account anyways, so that's what I did. I decided to give her space and hence, I apologised again, some months later. Another stupid thing? I addressed her as sister. I thought it would placate her. I really thought of her as close to me, even though she was a stranger. Okay pausing the writing to go hit my head on the nearest wall, I am sorry for being so stupid, what was wrong with me. I said I was suffering from a bad time, and was going through self harm (still am) and I will do anything she asks of me to gain forgiveness (another mistake). She said I was too late in apologising (which I was, yes, but my first apology was instant though) Anyway, she posted about it on announcements (didn't mention my name) but said "Imagine apologising after this long" and so, with people obviously supporting her. It scared me, so I left in fear of being attacked. (Would've deserved it though) It....well.....4 years passed. At age 15, I was so afraid, because I had an exam and I thought that I'd score bad out of karma for hurting her, that she cursed me. I scored pretty well but anyways. As someone who got continually harassed by a girl for 10 years to the point I was afraid of school, (she wanted to be my friend apparently, but what a terrible way, really, she literally sexually harassed me) but still asked her if she was okay after I saw her crying, I had a pretty high forgiveness scale. I really thought she'd (author) would forgive me for apologising. But like. No. I am not owed any forgiveness and I am aware of it. It wasn't her fault or duty, really. Anyway, fast forward to age 17. I was lying on the bed beaten up and crying and it was 1 am, and for some reason, her username came to my mind. I don't know why. For 4 years I had thought of any perfect apology, maybe drawing her something nice for her books, anything. But decided not to bring back bad memories to her. And also, I was a coward afraid of facing her. But I guess being beaten up messes with your head. Personal trauma is no reason to hurt someone, I agree 100%. But I wrote her a final apology. This time, I didn't ask for forgiveness, took all the blame on myself. I didn't apologise for closure. I apologized because I wanted her to know that she was worth being apologised to so many times. I called my younger self stupid and wished I could smack her on the head. I poured my entire heart and soul into it. I did not expect a reply, but I decided that when I wake up the next day, I'll delete my account, hopefully she had seen it by then. Woke up to find myself blocked and honestly? Deserved it. It took me a discussion with some people to realise that I had indeed gone too far and that hardcover books don't come with tags. And that apologising so many times was basically harassment. Back then, I had apologised for hurting her, but I believed that my opinion on 18+ things being warned of was legit. Then began true guilt. I loathed myself, thought of myself as a monster. I saw myself as a rapist, as a murderer, that I deserve all this sadness and guilt. I really wanted to kill myself over it. Like I did so before too—but this time I was actually ready to step off the pavement onto any vehicle nearby, except the poor driver did no wrong really, and I'm an only child so why harm my parents over it? I really hated myself over it, still do actually. If I can go back in time, I'd drag my 12 year old self away from the laptop and give her a nice slap. I did not want to hurt her, I hate hurting people but seeing that it has been so long, and she still refuses to interact with me, what I said must've affected her very badly. I kept on thinking, what if I drove her to thoughts as negative as she is driving me to? Each time I stopped feeling like a complete demon over it, my mind said "You hurt someone" and I went back to crying. My own mother said that I looked like I came from a funeral, at times. Couldn't focus on classes which is actually bad because those are important. The worst part is, I can't completely remember what I wrote to her. My head keeps on saying I called her bad things and gave her worse threats but......I don't remember doing it and there were no chances if I see it logically. I literally stopped being happy. Forced myself to be, for my own and my families' sake, and I tried, yeah. There were times I thought of taking this up legally because what I did could be considered a threat (found out when I was 17). Give myself over to the police or something. But I still hate myself. So I decided to punish myself. (Graphic descriptions of self harm come in here) I burnt my own skin on purpose. Nothing too bad really, just thumb sized burns from a saucepan. Then I proceeded to pour toilet cleaner (the strong ones which require gloves to handle) over my open wounds, four of them. I'll be honest. I have a very high pain tolerance. But that thing hurt like hell. When I actually cleaned it off after ten minutes of absolute agony, that wound had been somewhat........cauterised? Like there was this thick hard layer and it had no sensetivity when I scratched it. And I pulled off those hard layers. Some of them were stuck to the skin, I had to use a blade to ease them off. Then pour on them again. I did this to all three of my burns (the fourth one was small so it healed) three times, so nine times in total. It has been a month and it still hasn't healed. These scars won't go away even with surgery. Permanent reminders. (Description ends here) I thought it to be like this: The incident hurt her? I'll hurt myself more than she could possibly ever get hurt. But that wouldn't undo her hurt. So I'll hurt myself even more. I have frankly forgotten of who I was two months ago. Of what I thought when my mind was empty. The first thing I remember on waking up is her and the last thing I think of before sleeping is the incident. Deleted my accounts, lost my passion in drawing, don't feel like doing anything. I just. I hate myself. I truly do. I wish I could die but I can't so I just need to survive forever with this. Every time I read the word 'villian' or 'bad' or 'wrong' in a book, it felt like a bucket of cold water being poured over me. I had been a victim myself, so knowing that I myself hurt someone — Its just........I always thought of myself as a good person. Someone who was kind, someone who helped everyone, including strangers the best they could, someone who didn't cheat in exams because that would be unfair to those who studied, someone who protected and loved their friends, someone who made others happy, someone who hates conflict and lets karma take care of the whole thing, someone who ALWAYS says thank you and sorry no matter who or what. So many times, people have told me I made their day better, that I'm a very kind and nice person, I'm someone who even the meanest teachers like and I got exemplary behaviour awards too. I always believed myself to be a good person. So knowing I did something this bad broke me. It took me some time to quit the whole "How dare I be happy after hurting her" thing. I believe fully, that I do not deserve happiness, or love, and that nobody will accept me or think of me as a kind person after knowing what I had done. I'd have deserved it though. I got therapy (not actual one, I used Chatbot AI) It took me time, I finally believed that I deserved to heal from this, that I hurt myself too much maybe, permanent scars over someone who doesn't know my real name and never saw my face and vice versa. Maybe........I don't deserve *this* much of punishment. Today, I went to youtube and saw a video on bullies apologising. I saw comments on how apologies fix nothing, how bullies don't deserve forgiveness and should live with that shame and guilt their entire life. That a thousand good deeds won't make up for that one bad deed. And I believe I do. I really do. Which is why I permanently scarred myself. So here is the question. Do I deserve it? To let go of this incident? Do I deserve to heal? Deserve love? Or should I keep goimg? Because I believe I should. That I truly am no better than a rapist or bully. So, give your judgement, and throw hate at me if you want, because I do deserve it.

I'm an engineering graduate student at a very famous university. She's a different kind of STEM grad student at the same university (mid-twenties). She has only been in America for a few years. Before everyone jumps and says "Chinese girls are just like American girls" the reason that I'm making this post is because i'm afraid that i'm missing some cultural norm or context, causing me to screw up the situation. Dating in America is fairly toxic, in my opinion. It seems as though it's often a contest of who can appear to be the least interested. My Chinese colleagues tell me that Chinese girls need to be chased a bit harder. That they're more pragmatic, so a guy who shows little interest would not be a good long term investment for a Chinese girl. Also, I realize that I'm anxious and insecure so there's no need to over-emphasize this in your response. Ultimately, I'm really sad for how this has turned out, but friends of mine tell me things are probably going as well as they could be. With that out of the way, I hope to hear your thoughts on my story.
Back up to a few months ago. I see this girl at the gym quite frequently. One day she asked how many sets I have on a machine. There are very few machines at the school gym so I get this question from girls quite frequently. Anyway, in between sets, I chatted her up, made little jokes "where did you do undergrad? ... well, no one's perfect" ... "I'm going to ask you five questions, and to win, you need to give me incorrect answers only"... she seemed to enjoy this, was smiling a lot, and when I'd see her from across the gym, she would smile and wave. Anyway, some weeks passed and I would see her at the gym occasionally. I would try to get her to play along with fantasies about robbing a bank together, but she didn't seem to follow, and would ask what I meant, perhaps because of the language barrier, perhaps because she's a STEM girl. I noticed that she actually cheated at the "wrong answers" game by changing one of her answers, so I called her out on it the next time I saw her. "how do I know I can trust you?" :)
I probably went too far the next time that I saw her. I was nervous but planning to get her number "has anyone ever told you that you're super cute, but super annoying?" She gave me a big embarrassed/confused smile and said "WHAT?!". I asked how we might continue the conversation, she suggested instagram, but I presented my phone number keypad. She looked around a bit embarrassed and reluctantly typed her number in. I didn't call her. I figured that was already too intense. I texted her and told her to save my name as "(My name) - such and such clever hot fantasy thing". She laughed let me know she saved it (!).
I saw her around campus a few days later, she smiled and waved to me. I figured that I hadn't screwed up too badly yet. A couple of days later I saw her at the gym, tried to make the joke about robbing a bank, again, but she asked what I meant. I guess that didn't go over well and I don't remember exactly how the conversation ended. I called her later that night and she didn't respond. I texted her and told her that I just had a quick question and she could call back if she would like, but that there was no pressure to do so. She responded with laughing emojis and asked if I wouldn't mind texting. I texted her an invite for coffee, but told her to hold the flowers and chocolates since we just met. She laughed, said thank you but she's too busy lately, and let me know that she would see me "at the gym sometime!". Fairly disappointed, I said "cool, shoot me a text or call sometime". She hearted the message (ouch). I thought this was a death knell, but friends of mine encouraged me to keep trying. "She's probably attracted to you, but not comfortable enough yet."
So the next time I saw her at the gym, I said "Hey!" gave her a Hi-five and kept going. She looked embarrassed, so I didn't want to stick around in case she needed space. A couple of days later, we were at the gym together, but I didn't want to come off as upset or needy, so I kept my head in my phone. I figured that maybe she had had enough. Anyway, this time, she actually said hello to me as she walked by. So of course, I smiled and said hi back. We would see each other about once per week, making small talk. I told her that she had a pretty voice. Rather than leaving the complement there (too much tension), I asked if she could sing, found out that we both like Karaoke, and told her we should start a rock band. This was a joke of course, it seems that the two of us have little time for a life outside of our research.
I texted her the next day, told her that I am curious about her thoughts on American vs. Chinese culture, and about why she was considering saying in the US after graduation. Told her that I enjoy our chats together, and was hoping that she would consider joining my American rock band (Laughing emoji). Try-outs to be held at the Karaoke lounge nearby. She didn't respond and I was quite disappointed again.
I happened to be walking on campus last week and we ran into each other (very unusual) so I asked if she had a minute to talk. She was on her way to a meeting, so I suggested that we meet up after that. She told me to text her. So naturally, I texted her, and this time she agreed to meet! (Last Tuesday) I was more excited that day than any time I can remember, at least for the past few years.
So we met up that afternoon and she suggested that we sit on the grass together. She smiled and asked me why we couldn't just continue talking at the gym together. I can't believe that she doesn't know why I was asking her out for a second time. She must have been looking for emotional reassurance or something like this. I told her it's hard to get to know someone if you only ever see them at the gym, smiled, and playfully said, "but maybe this is a one-sided relationship, don't worry, I'll just be crying myself to sleep, no big deal". I tried to say this in a light-hearted way so that it wasn't too intense. She was wearing large sunglasses this day (relevant later), I asked her to take them off but she refused, "OK, no problem". I then did a cold read routine on her, as an ice-breaker. She corrected me when I was wrong, and it sounded like she's a workaholic (not uncommon for our university) and that she had trouble not thinking about work. I thought it was a nice time, as we got to learn a bit more about each other. She told me that she would be away on an internship for the summer, but she would be back. I made a joke about how my heart broke for a second but was quickly mended. I told her that I realized that she seemed uncomfortable when I had asked for her number, that i had felt a bit guilty about it, but that I was really glad that she did it anyway. She seemed to be trying to correct me under her breath "no no no" or something, as if to say "it's ok". Our "date" didn't last very long, less than a half hour, and she went back into her office building. She said goodbye to me, but only said the first syllable of my name (very cute). If she had been an American girl, I would have made an effort to at least touch her shoulder or hug goodbye, but my understanding is that this would be too much for a Chinese girl. My Chinese friend (Call him Tadashii, introduced again later) said that this was the right thing to do. I had previously dated a Chinese girl who wouldn't even hub me until I told her I wanted to date exclusively, several months into the relationship.
I was stoked for the rest of the day, so excited that I had finally been able to make plans to be with her alone, however short it was. I wanted to send a follow-up text, but held myself back and waited for about 42 hours (Thursday). I told her that I really enjoyed seeing her, I was happy that we had the opportunity to learn something about each other, and complimented her suggestion of sitting out on the grass together.
When she didn't respond, I was once again, fairly anxious and upset. I tried very much to keep it to myself.
The next day, I saw her at the gym again (Friday). This time, she seemed to be in a bad mood. She wasn't resting between sets and I got the feeling that she was avoiding me. Before I left, I approached her anyway (mistake?). I asked if we could exchange socials that are popular in her country, and she said "No, I don't add people on that". According to my Chinese friends, this was BS because everyone uses this app. She quickly shut down my attempts at conversation. I tried to go into a story about the school newspaper and she said "no, I don't want to hear about it" while perhaps forcing a smile. I realized that she was either in a bad mood, or really did not want to speak with, or both. So I said "ok, have a good night" and went home feeling very bad once again. Backing up a few steps, I noticed that she had a large pimple near her eye this day, which would explain why she hadn't wanted to take off her sunglasses while we were hanging out together on the grass. It could also suggest that she was too embarrassed for me to see her. She is an incredibly beautiful girl and clearly puts a lot of effort into her appearance so this could have easily been what caused her mood to shift so dramatically last week. I know what acne does to someone's self confidence, as i struggled with it frequently when I was younger. It must be ten times worse for women.
I guess this is a stressful time for the girl, and my advances haven't been making things easier on her. It would be quite tragic if I gave up simply because I had misread the circumstances. Of course, I don't know what she's thinking and I'm really worried about trying too hard. I'm used to girls responding to my follow-up text after a date with either enthusiasm, or by letting me know that a second date wasn't going to happen.
My Chinese colleague Tadashii, who seems to have good intuition on relationships with Chinese women gave me his input. He told me that Chinese women may very between chaos and order rapidly, like the Dao, in order to "test" men. They want to see that a man is actually dedicated. Further, a Chinese girl may have a stereotypical view of American men as "players" who only want to hook up. She is probably scared that I'm like this. He emphasized that this was only one data point in a series of mostly positive interactions. The 180-degree shift in demeanor could indicate a bad day or stressful period, but if a girl is truly disinterested, she would probably let me know at some point. His suggestion is to wait a month, until the girl is settled into her internship life. At that time, she would probably appreciate someone friendly reaching out to her to check in. In this way, we might have a text correspondence. This is something that I would never usually do, but he said it's typical for Chinese people to chat over apps or text while maintaining a long-distance friendship. He also mentioned that he's made girlfriends this way.
She will likely be away for two to three months. I haven't even found out where she was going. I usually try not to get girls thinking about work on dates, asking basic questions like "what do you do..." (no fun) but in this case, it was actually logistically relevant. oops. My plan is to follow Tadashii's advice. Maybe I'll see the girl at the gym again on Friday this week (38 hours from now). My American friends say that I should let her approach me this time. They also say that I should try to catch her again in the Fall when she returns. Tadashii says that waiting until the Fall is too long. This would send her the message that I was intimidated by her emotional response last week, or that I really was just an American player, and. not very serious about her.
So am I blown out, or should I hold on to the anxious pain of hope? Thanks in advance for your input.

While it's all a little fresh (~1 month?), and I still obviously haven't completely gotten over it yet, I felt like coming online and asking for other opinions to either validate/justify my own or give me other ideas.
I am a fulltime engineer with an established career and that is definitely something I'm looking for in a partner, especially as costs continue to rise and I'm interested in having kids and providing them freedoms in the future as well. After moving to NYC for my job w. no local friends, and as a more introverted engineer, connections online are where I'll end up meeting most of my people. I'm not particularly interested in the dating apps (TindeBumble/Hinge) as it's bot/catfish ridden, you can never get a full idea of intentions in an easy manner when you're 1 of 1000 on there, they hide half the people you'd be interested in unless you pay premium, etc. So connection isn't something that comes easy to me, and I definitely will try to hold onto it when I have it and ride or die for my squad.
I had already "experienced" a long distance relationship in college when I was 21 and moved to Seattle for 3 months. Long story short there, I kind of ghosted my ex-girlfriend of that time as clearly I wasn't that interested in her and couldn't see her. Hoped that we could rekindle things when I came back but that relationship wasn't for me. So, I already kind of know that long distance relationships "don't work" for me -- I distance myself and don't get any "physical touch" or "in person quality time," but I willingly continued with this one (with OP girl) because I have nothing else going on for me and we were having a good time.
I met this girl by chance online in a video game that I play with my friends every night. We happened to enjoy playing the game together so we continued to talk for a week or 2, playing probably 6 or 7 days each week. We proceeded to exchange information and communicate off the game. She lives 5 states (10-12hr drive) away from me, has a car, lives with her parents (potential issue -- I'm likely not going to go there), and at the time was dropped out of college with no degree/career, but working a regular retail job -- so no real income either.
We continued communication and after 2 months or so, I decided fuck it, I'd like to try and meet in real life and either legitimatize what we have or figure out that it's not going to work out. I booked an airbnb in the city near her fully paid for and flew out to meet her. Sparing the details, we had a great time over the 4-5 days. I did not ask her to be my girlfriend at that time but was definitely interested in meeting her again. We continued to talk and I flew her out one more time to me in NYC where we spent a week and put a label on our relationship.
As time continued, there was no next plan to see each other despite obvious interest on both ends. Long story short, she was encouraged to go back to school -- and will later tell me that it was "for me" and not for herself, which I'm hoping she'll look back at in the future and see how silly that statement is ... but she "did it for me" so that I could be happy with her or w/e you want to call it. So she was going to school and working retail, and we would spend the rest of our hours late at night together on the video game. She was an amazing girlfriend, completely about me 110%. I never had any mistrust in her, she treated me as well as you could from 11 hours away, and we talked every single day. I don't have many things I'd complain about with her other than simply not being able to see her.
Again I found myself distancing, it really no longer felt special as the relationship continued strictly online. I cannot see my girlfriend and I can get the "same satisfaction" from playing with any person on the internet. I believe that I'm seeking companionship and this was quickly turning into more of a "friendship." So ~1 month ago (1 year since we started talking), after a week or 2 of thinking about it -- not talking to her about it, but asking other people -- I was pretty set on just ending the relationship. I was advised to potentially wait until the end of the semester, but I wasn't going to sit there and pretend like I didn't know what was going to come 30 days later. So that's what I did. I called her and basically ended the relationship. She let me have it as she was blindsided and was in love with me ... "you were my future ... I went back to school for you ..." etc.
The reason I'm having such a hard time getting over it (albeit, a short period of time has passed here) despite it being my decision is because she never wronged me in any way and we had a great connection/chemistry. So again, as mentioned above, as someone who doesn't connect well with others, doesn't trust others, and is rather analytical/negative -- it feels bad to throw away something that was good and still could have been. It's not like I have a betteother option here locally. I totally could have "played" her and tried to date locally until I found someone else that was better. But I felt like I made a "selfless" decision and "let her go."
I've had some other things happen during this time period, my parents got divorced 8 months ago randomly (I was blindsided), I'm looking for a new job, etc. I have since enrolled in therapy, I had my first session last week and we didn't get to discuss or go into this specific topic. Clearly I need to work on myself, and am committing to that as the next chapter of my life, but could I have worked on it with her?
I was at the point where I would have been willing to pay to fly her to me 1x each month just to see her ... again, since she can't afford it. While it was never really discussed further and her schedule isn't going to change as she needs to work to pay for school which she can't afford, I just don't see how I could legitimately see her enough times in person within the next 1000 days. That would put me at 30 years old. And while people will tell me that's not old, or whatever, for me I just don't see how I can wait until 30 just to see if it's going to work out. If she was local/closer to me and the situation was the same (no career, lived with parents, etc.) -- we'd still be dating or I'd have never jumped to breaking up with her. Wouldn't have considered it.
So maybe you'll read this and think -- "You're an idiot, you made the right decision, get over it." Or maybe you'll tell me "I threw away something good and could have communicated better, been more patient, ." Maybe I could have just told her: "I'm losing romantic interest (or w/e verbiage), can we change something up" whether that be a 1x a week "date night" where we eat on camera together and watch a show. I have no idea. Again, that doesn't solve being together in person, but throwing her away for nothing is eating me up a bit. Was there more for me to learn with this person and grow? Should we have continued to grow together and hope then if/when we do come together in person it's that much better?
As an engineer, it's tough to not know if the action you made was the right one, I'm having a hard time facing reality right now and looking for random unbiased opinions. So all in all, I want someone else to tell me if I made the right decision. Thanks.

I (18m) met this girl (29f) online about 2 months ago and we've talked every single day, we talk a lot through the day and sometimes we'll play a game together on PlayStation
She's alot older than me and she is a mom of one kid
It never really occurred to me what kind of parent she is, but that's probably my first red flag for myself is that I didn't even acknowledge that she's actually a mom like I have ben so focused on how awesome her personality is and how beautiful she looks
I've kinda expected her to be like me..to respond fast and to talk to me all the time.. which is my next red flag for myself
She has made me so happy and I'm always smiling and laughing with her and i get sad when we haven't talked for hours although I see her online...
She is always online by the way and you can see her activity like if shes on a game or just browsing websites or whatnot..and to me it doesn't ever look like she's actually busy so sometimes I think she's ignoring me..
She recently told me she wanted to take a break from "online things" which i believe that means me and gaming..
I asked her why and she said "because of real life" I don't know if she's being weird or I'm just not getting it because of our age difference
I literally go to school and come home and game and just usually talk to her or wait for her to text me I find myself sometimes staring at the wall because she's not talking to me..
I kinda have been expecting her to do the same ? I forget that she probably has a different life than me ? Especially being a mom right ?
I don't know why I've been so stupid about this
I told her did I do something wrong and she just replied "no I just need to step back from online connections and get my life together" and I said so you don't wanna talk to me anymore and I said her life is probably fine and she said "I need to find a balance" I don't know what the hell that means
I was talking to my friend about this and they were telling me I was probably taking her away from time with her kid and that she wants to probably just get back on track..my friend is 24 so he's more around her age so I'm sure he's probably right but then he told me to quit being a sissy..
Now I feel like shit I could actually take someone away from there kid or that she thinks that's my intention no I'm just not aware that idk she has stuff going on idk what to do

No dear diary this time, but dear reader,
Who downvotes here? Speak up when you don't agree, are you a wimp? a chicken, to me you are. A weak sad person.. I notice some posts are getting downvoted lately, for whatever reason. My latest post also got downvoted by someone, i had 2 okay! Today i have 1, hehe.. I know i shouldn't care, but it hurts me. And if it hurts me, i bet it hurts other people to. I was never popular and i am still not. People dislike me too for some reason. Do i want to know? Yes and no.. No, because it will hurt me. Yes, because it might be growing pains.
We are exposing thoughts and feelings here. We are opening up, sharing stuff.. I share my stuff, because i don't have anyone else to share it with and i am sorry for the shitty life you experience today (over half is your own mistake anyway), but i was there too.. i hated my life, i hated everything. And now i am finally enjoying my life again. Doing whatever the fuck i want! But soon that's over, my normal life will start again, i need to find a job, i need to give my time and energy away for probably a thing i don't care about, you think my holiday was free? I worked my ass off. (That was my life anyway, i'm gonna do a career change and i better pick something i love and care about, but there is no guarantee i will find that.) I am scared.. for what the future will bring. I am already on the half of my own life..
What i also find interesting, i can't speak for others, but i notice this with my own posts.. Positivity, being happy and content, living out your dreams, is not appreciated is it? Is it jealousy, is that what it is? I dare you downvoter, speak up! Block me for all i care! Or i will block you, but i need to know who you are. If you dare, but i already know.. you don't dare do you? How weak of you.
We got people from all walks of life here, from rich to poor, to the fortunate, to the homeless, everybody is here.
Sometimes i think, we are addicted to shit. We don't appreciate someone else's happiness. It seems like that to me.
I try to be balanced, not only happy peppy or only dark in my writings, i also have my darkside. I just choose not to focus on that all the time. I can go dark, shall i go dark? It will trigger you.. it's not nice. You will hate what i have to say. Because i will talk about life and death, mainly death. I will talk about endings and sufferings. I will talk about the horrible nature of people. I will talk about our future. Because if you ask me about the future, it's very dark. That's why i live in the moment, we will lose everything. Our precious earth, it's gonna go if we don't act soon, if it's not already to late, and i have been thinking that it's too late for more then 2 decades.. I hope i am wrong with this, but i don't see us change enough.
But today i am living it, my dreams, my wishes, my wants. And i do know, we humans will lose everything. This eternal growth we are doing as a specie is insanity. I am traveling now, because i know in the future it will be harder to do so. Prices will rise, climate change will get worse.. It's basic science.. if you paid attention in school, you would know this. If you have any interest in the world, you would already know this.
Anyway fuck you downvoter, block me, or be a man/woman and identify yourself, speak up. Not only to me, but to other people too, i am talking to you! What is your problem, ey?
Anyway, i am also sharing my good stories, because it's mainly shit isn't it? What i read here and on the other subs. i want to be that balance.. i want to show that it's possible to enjoy your own life, a living example.

I (27F) last last winter (2022) wrote a long letter to my mom. I poured my heart into it, I cried the whole time writing it. I showed it to my husband to make sure I wasn’t being too mean in my writing towards my mom. I showed it to my stepsister to again make sure it was okay and made sense and to get emotional support (I’m Mexican and I didn’t want to push too far because i understand how deep generational trauma is and the parent child dynamic) I even showed it to my stepdad who immediately called me apologizing for the things I wrote in the letter (which I will get into in a moment) and was telling me about how he will divorce her (I didn’t want that and made me feel shitty) and explained why some scenarios ended up the way they did. Everyone encouraged me to send it. I was so confident that my mom was going to read it and drive over ? Write back? Call me. Something ! So I mailed it. (I mailed it because I instantly cry every time I try talking to her in person about not surface level things, it would of been easier getting words out especially when having to translate to Spanish)
In the letter I wrote about:
-Feeling emotionally neglected -the name calling my mom would do (calling me “retarded” and mimicking noises and movements of people with disability towards me among other things -My uncle being a pedo and scaring me into not saying anything to them, i later said something to a friend in HS who went to the counselor who called the police and I made up a person to protect my uncle, I was then grounded for over a year. -the carpet in my bedroom always being wet when it rained which is a lot where I live ruining my feet with a fungal infection that was just ignored (i understand it was a money issue but the hurt remains) -being yelled at for not cleaning, when asking to be taught how being ignored -asking her a question and being ignored -being blamed for high utility bills n being expensive for needing braces -my boyfriend in high school being suicidal when I would try to break up with him and hurting that I couldn’t go to them for help -saying that I tried to hit her to my step dad when I moved out of the way of her too quickly and making a scene about it leaving me confused -understanding that i understand she probably had a rough childhood and that all I wanted was a normal mother daughter relationship
That’s pretty much the gist among a bunch of other little things that really hurt me and I explained that it was hard to form a relationship with her in my adulthood and trust her with my kids until we addressed these things. I wanted to be acknowledged. Not even an apology really. But a conversation. I wanted to understand her more because I literally don’t know anything about her. We would never talk unless it was to eat dinner or clean something. I was always in my room during that time.
I waited a few weeks, my stepsister would visit them here and there and tell me how my mom appears sad? And maybe she needed more time.
A few months pass by I see my mom smiling in Hawaii having a good time.
At this point I’m in therapy because I’m losing hair from the stress of this and severely depressed.
Fall comes around and I finally go to visit with the encouragement of my husband, stepsister and stepdad. She acts like I’m not even there. This makes me angry. At one point my mom goes outside to smoke a cigarette im at the table with everyone and I start just talking about the hurts again, I say my mom is a narcissistic. My mom comes back inside. And for an hour. I’m complaining and she’s in the living room a few feet away saying absolutely nothing.
I leave feeling so weird. So lonely? We are now I’m 2024. I don’t have a relationship with her or my step dad really. I had to block her because she would go to Hawaii again and just living her life having a great time I was trying not to be bitter. Or angry. My step sister and step dad eventually started to question how legitimate my statements were it was so painful being misunderstood. Being told that that’s just the mom that I have. Being told that things were maybe my fault for having a problem with everything (I would always speak up when my parents would be racist and things)
I few months ago I did send her a text as a final effort. I asked why she never responded. If she wants to just leave this alone that’s okay and I will move on. And she told me that all that was on the letter were complaints. And told me about how when I was 20 I made a comment on a Facebook post about bad parenting and how everyone saw. About how embarrassed she was when people reached out to her. About how I wrote that I felt like I was in a dark environment. I didn’t know everyone saw it. I apologized for that. She told me to come over to talk because she personally has some complains about me. But she never acknowledged me. I didn’t want to go, to feel yelled at and again taken back to being a child getting yelled at.
I’m currently feeling grief. Mistrust to my family. Lonely. Jealous? About how my other siblings seem to be having a better time. How do I move on from feeling misunderstood. I feel like everyone is okay and I’m abandoned. I feel guilt for pulling my small family away from them from how hurt I am. Most times I’m okay until I see my stepsister at a family gathering that I’m never invited to. And then I’m back again to being a lonely child.

Manhattan Project B Reactor Tours The B Reactor National Historic Landmark, Richland Daily, 8:30a-12:30p Free
My Rad Art Lab After School Program Art Your Way, Pasco 4p $29/class, $99/mo (4 classes)
Columbia Basin College Annual Juried Student Art Show CBC, Pasco Thru June 6 7:30a-5p
SageFen Maker Fest II Red Lion Hotel & Conference Center, Pasco May 17-19 10-4p
The Sound of Music Vibe Music and Performing Arts Center May 17-18 Times vary
Auditions for Equivocation By Bill Cain The Richland Players, Richland May 19-20 6-9p
Poker Richland Community Center May 16-17 1p

Wednesday May 15

Classes
Whimsy Apothecary Candle Class Goose Ridge Estates, Richland 5:30-7:30p $65/non-mem
Fresh Pasta Class Layered Cake Artistry, Kennewick 5-7p $85
Cooking Classes - Summer Grilling Series-Grilled Mahi Mahi w/Peach Mango, Cilantro Lime Jasmine Rice, and Grilled Asparagus Red Mountain Kitchen, Kitchen 6-8:30p $Unk
Puzzle club Andventures Underground, Richland 11a
Games and Comedy
Bingo at Summer's Hub, Kennewick 5-7p
Game Night Live at Two Bits and a Bite, Richland 7-9p
Open Mic Night Tumbleweeds West, West Richland 5-8p
Sporting
Tri-Cities Dust Devils vs Hillsboro Hops Gesa Stadium, Pasco 1:30-5:30p $8-46
Music
Isolation Big Band with Carmichael Middle School Jazz Band The Emerald of Siam, Richland 6p
Jazz Jams at The Emerald The Emerald of Siam, Richland 6p-8p

Thursday May 16

Classes
Beginning Brush Lettering Workshop Philocaly Lingerie Boutique, Kennewick 7-9p $Unk
Paint your own Planter! Chills Froyo and Custard, Kennewick 6-8p
Events
Back-To-School Immunization Clinic by BFHD Kennewick Health District Mothership 2-6p
Hat Burning Workshop + Fundraiser for Alzheimer's Research Chandler Reach Estate, Benton City $85pp
Albariño Master Class Barnard Griffin, Richland 6:30-8:30p $35 non-mem
They Want Our Rhythm, but Not Our Blues: African American Innovation through Pop Culture Lecture Museum at Keewaydin 7p-8p Free
LIGO Science & Art Showcase LIGO Hanford Observatory, Richland 5-8p Free
Thursday Afternoon Book Club Richland Public Library 1:30-2:30p
Grandma Niesie's Storytime Adventures Underground, Richland 11a-12p
Games and Comedy
Geeks Who Drink The Emerald of Siam 7p
Tri-Trivia Night Summers Hub, Kennewick 6p
Solar Spirits Trivia and Taco Truck Solar Spirits Distillery & Tasting Room, Richland 6-8p
Game Night Live Round Table Pizza, Kennewick 5-7p
Mah-Jongg Richland Community Center 1-3:30p
Sporting
Tri-Cities Dust Devils vs Hillsboro Hops Gesa Stadium, Pasco 6:30-10p $8-46

Friday May 17

Classes
Intro Into Gelli Printing Bristle Art Gallery, Kennewick 1p $45
Events and Games
CBC Health Sciences Information Sessions Health Sciences Center, Richland 8a-2p
3rd Friday Dance Richland Community Center 1-3:45p $10pp
Solar Spirits Trivia and Taco Truck Solar Spirits Distillery & Tasting Room 6-8p
Trivia! with Heat Entertainment Tumbleweeds West, West Richland 7-10p
Third Fridays Columbia Gardens Wine & Artisan Village, Kennewick 4-8p Free
Card Show Night Edition at Summer's HUB of Kennewick Summers Hub, Kennewick 4-9p Free
Vinyasa Flow With Susie Red Jasper Studops 4:30-5:30p $20
Twist Clothing Company 15th Anniversary Fashion Show and Fundraiser Twist Clothing Co, Kennewick 5-8p $20
Wine and Mushroom Tasting with Chesed Farms Barnard Griffin Winery, Richland 6:30p $75non-mem
Book Club Richland Community Center 1-3p
Potluck Dinner Richland Community Center 4:30-6p
Music and Comedy
Gabriel Knutzen Goose Ridge Winery 5-7p
Jack Rothwell Tumbleweeds West, Richland 7-10p
Key Lewis Comedy Show Jokers Comedy Club, Richland 7:30-9p $12
Fallout The Branding Iron, Kennewick 9p-1:30a $5
Baduku and Bahuru Columbia Gardens Night Market, Kennewick 5-7p
Lost Ox Emerald of Siam, Richland 9p $10 cover
Stephanie Steele Pop/Jazz Trio Emerald of Siam, Richland 5-8p
Sporting
Tri-Cities Dust Devils vs Hillsboro Hops Gesa Stadium, Pasco 6:30-10p $8-46
Outdoor Fitness Class- ALL AGES WELCOME Southridge Sports & Events Complex, Kennewick 9:45-10-45a $7pp

Saturday May 18

Events
Petting Zoo/Hobby Farm Jostens Petting Zoo 10a $8
Puppies & Posies by Pronto Puppy Rescue Mac's Garden Center, Pasco 12-4p
Pasco Farmers Market Downtown Pasco, Lewis St 9-1p
Spring Market Vino Yasa Hedges Estate, Benton City 10a-12p
25th Anniversary Barrel Room Dinner Goose Ridge Estates, Richland 6-9p $200/nonmem
Farmer's Market Tour and Cooking Demo Ciao Trattoria, Pasco 9:45a-12:30p
FCSC/4-H Joint AM -PM Schooling Show Franklin County Saddle Club, Pasco Starts at 8a
Connie Hampton Connally, Conversation and Book Signing Barnes & Noble, Kennewick 12p
2024 Gentleman's Ride Richland 4-5p
Pokemon May League Challenge Casters, Richland 11a registration
Metaphysical Market Uptown Shopping Center, Richland 10a-4p
Classes
Paint your Partner Night Honeycomb Studio, Kennewick 6-8p $50pair
Paint your Pet Art YOUR Way, Pasco 6-8p $70
Paint & Craft night Anything Grows, Richland 5:30-8:30p
Special Topics In Pelvic Health - Gender Affirming Care, Hypermobility, and Nocturia Therapy Solutions, Richland 9a-4p
Mosaic Dragonfly Workshop Allied Arts Association: Gallery at the Park 1-3:30p $80pp
Music/Comedy
Dysfunctional Society / Pazzi Pazzi The Emerald of Siam, Richland 9p
Guitar Gathering Blackthorne Neighbourhood Pub, Kennewick 1-3p
Mia Lenay Summers Hub, Kennewick 5:30-7:30p
Karaoke Night Wine Social, Richland 8-11p
Mid-Columbia Symphony Concert "Young Artists & Joyful Voices", Mid-Columbia Mastersingers KHS AUditorium, Kennewick 7:30-9:30p $15-70
Key Lewis Comedy Show Jokers Comedy Club, Richland 7:30-9p $12
Jeff Davis at The Underground Taphouse The Underground Taphouse, Pasco 8-10p
Fallout The Branding Iron, Kennewick 9p-1:30a $5
Live Music with Keith Scott Rattlesnake Mountain Brewing Company, Richland 7-10p
Elaine Eagle The Emerald of Siam, Richland 5-8p
Sport
Tri-Cities Dust Devils vs Hillsboro Hops Gesa Stadium, Pasco 6:30-10p $8-46
Midget Mayhem Wrestling & Brawling LIVE Pasco Eagles 5-7p and 8-10p $Unk, but can you really put a price on a show as this?
2nd Annual St. Joseph's Legacy Golf Tournament Canyon Lakes Golf Course, Kennewick 11a check-in, 1p gun start $160/pp $600 team/4
Plyometrics, Agility, & Speed Training- ALL ATHLETES WELCOME Southridge Sports & Events Complex, Kennewick 10:45-11:45a $7p
UKI Gamble fun match Fetch Sam, Pasco 1p
Lifted Ecstatic Dance - Flower Child Edition with Jennifer Lifted Lotus Yoga 2-3:30p $5 donation
PFLAGS Walk and Roll 3k Chiawana Park, Pasco 10a-1p
Better Together Spring 2024 5K Celebration Howard Amon Park, RIchland 8a

Sunday 19

Classes
Spring Fling Charcuterie Workshop Elk Haven Winery, Pasco 1-3p $Unk
Nutrition 101 Class Natural Grocers, Kennewick Sundays, 1p FREE
Chef's Wine Pairing Dinner Monterosso's Italian Restauraunt, Richland 5:30p $86pp
Goat Yoga with Bumper and Bliss The Studio Bespoke, Richland 1p $30pp
Events
Yu-Gi-Oh! Casual Play Caterpillar Cafe, Richland 12-4p
Adopt a Pet Day! Summer's Hub, Kennewick 11a-3p
Spring Blooms Floral Workshop Muret-Gaston Wine Bar, Kennewick 3-6p $65
Tumbleweed Pet Vaccine and Microchip Event Horse Heaven Hills Pet Urgent Care, Kennewick 8a-2p
Canvas Blowout Sale! Crepe Haus + El Compadre Restaurant, Kennewick 1-5p
Pokemon Pre-Release Twilight Masquerade Adventures Underground, Richland 11:30a-2:30p $35pp
Sport
Tri-City Dust Devils vs. Hillsboro Hops Gesa Stadium, Pasco 6:30p-10p $8-$45
Music
JJ Ofrancia Howard Amon Park, Richland 1-4p
Dustin Stecker celebration show with The Van Dels and Ghost Motor, and Mad Ruby Ray's Golden Lion, Richland 5p $10pp

Monday 20

LGBTQIA+ Craft Social Richland Public Library 6:30-8:30p Free
Moving Mondays with Jo Miller Summer's Hub, Kennewick 5:30p7:30p
Beers & Bikes Night Summers Hub 5-8p
Geeks Who Drink Trivia Night Moonshot Brewing, Kennewick 6:30-9p
Open Mic Night The Emerald of Siam, Richland 7p-12a Free

Tuesday 21

Beers and Bike N' Bikes Summers Hub Tuesdays 5-8p
Bingo Night at Wine Social 6:30-8:30p
Trivia Night Parkade Bar & Grill 7-10p
Game Night Live Trivia Iconic Brewing, Richland 6-8p
Music-Live Solo Guitar Music! Peter Janson Emerald of Siam, Richland 6-8p
allevents.in and visittri-cities.com