[23M] I have been freaking out about STDs over the last two weeks since an encounter in a strip club in which I was severely intoxicated and don't remember what happened fully. I have done two full panels and received clean results so far (5 and 10 day marks ). However , I have had some aggravation on my penis that I am freaking out about for Herpes. I believe the aggravation started the day prior to the club but don't entirely remember and the day after I aggravated it a lot further by masturbating so hard to tell what was due to that and what may be herpes. It has now been ~12 days since then and I still have a good amount of redness and dry skin that is freaking me out . I never had any pain or blisters really but definitely red areas , kinda dots, and dry skin . Some tingling in first few days, not while urinating . It seems to be healing but very very slowly . I initially didn't think about herpes so didn't get it swabbed when had the chance.
My question is , I know the herpes IGG tests are recommended after 4 weeks or longer, is this timeline quicker if there are symptoms ? I figured antibodies would be produced if symptoms are showing . Just freaking out I can't test accurately for weeks it seems .

I hate that I have to feel this way and that I have to share this with others but I really can't keep this bottled up and never get advice. I am super sorry if this post seems like im hating or misogynistic but Im just trying to be honest so I would appreciate any criticisms you may have about my post.
I am a 15m and moving onto sophomore year. I REALLY should have posted this earlier when it was more relevant but I never got around to it and just remembered it now. I have known this girl since 7th grade so a few years. We had a weird introduction when we were both waiting outside a class we had and didn't know if we had the schedule wrong. Me and her were and are almost complete opposites. She's super confident, outgoing, good looking, and smarter. Meanwhile I am very insecure, a social outcast, and nowhere near as smart as her. She is in almost every class I have had and this has caused me to begin to compare myself to her more than usual. This is an issue in itself since I do compare myself with others who I do know are better than me at something but of all the people I compare myself to her the most. It doesn't help that she walks up to me to try and start a conversation every now and then which she's been doing. She was WAY TOO friendly our first year of knowing each other which was literally the first year I have had to go to school in person since quarantine so that was when I was at my worst tbh. She would hug me out of nowhere and tied my shoe one time when we were in class. It was so bad that even the teacher had to tell her to cut it out and she has not tried it since. That isn't exactly the reason why I compare myself to her but I do have some very slight resentment towards her for this. From since I have met her I always see her do better than me and even everyone else, she's even class president for my class. Since freshman year started IU even started to notice her outperform athletically as well. This obviously didn't help and I don't even know what I think of her anymore. I definitely do not have a crush on her but I do have a sense of admiration for her and I think she is impressive at being who she is. But the part I am certain of is that I resent her. I know that this mostly stems from jealousy but the more I see her the more I see the person who I wish I was. The resentment peaked when she challenged me to a planking contest. She had problems with her shoulder since she is also on the football team, but insisted that she would be fine. She could do planks but not push ups because of that but I didn't think anything of it. I was and still am insecure about my body and strength but I also felt that saying no would make feel like a coward and I thought that if I could beat her at something I might feel better about myself. I don't think I was ever more wrong of anything in my life. 4 minutes in my whole body was shaking, my face was red, and I was breathing like there was no oxygen in my lungs. When I finally dropped I immediately looked over at her. No struggle, no stress, she looked like she could have gone for 10 minutes. This event didn't exactly help in the slightest. I ignored her for weeks and even started talking shit about her to a friend. I did eventually start talking to her again but it was always me telling her to fuck off or something along those lines. I don't know if she knows that I'm jealous of her or something but wasn't exactly trying to hide it. Even if I told her to go away she would brush it off like it was nothing. This also didn't help because whenever she did that it pissed me off even more cause it felt like she was better than me when she just ignored what I asked. I genuinely don't know what to think of her anymore because as much as I hate it, I also wouldn't mind having more classes with her. I don't know what this says about me since it does feel like I'm WAY overreacting and I should just stop comparing myself to others and should focus on myself, which I know I should do. I just don't know how I should feel about her or myself. What sucks is that I'm probably not that big of a deal to her.

Rescue dog picky eater and is losing weight
I adopted a spanish stray dog 4 years ago. He was very underweight when I got him. He gained weight over the years. Fed him special diet food from the vet. His age is estimated 10 years. 3 weeks ago he started eating less and less kibble. So I fed him boiled chicken fillet. And his stool was loose. Not diarrhea. He is always a picky eater and his stool was sometimes loose. So it was not a red flag. And he started to scratch himself. No fleas, ticks, worms or wounds. He didn’t want to take long walks anymore. I thought it is his age. But in the house he is happy and playing. I took him to the vet past week, and he had lost 2 pounds. That’s a lot because he only weighs 14,5 pounds. The vet examined him and he had a higher temperature, not fever. And over all he doesn’t look sick. He has an enlarged heart, they took a photo earlier this year. So he couldn’t give a diagnose right away. He prescribed painkillers (corporal) and anti diarrhea pills. And Tuesday we have another appointment to take blood for more tests. He is still a very picky eater, I try anything to get him to eat and his stool is still sometimes loose. I take him on very short walks or let him in the garden. And I am very worried. What else can I do? Does anyone have an idea what could be wrong? Can it be leishmania? I checked his face and ears for bald spots . He hasn’t any bald spots.

Hi people of Reddit,
TL;DR: I got a huge crush on another girl, while in the relationship. And I do not feel like ending the relationship. I feel like I still have feelings for my gf.
This is a bit of a stupid situation I am in, but for the context. I (23M) am dating a girl (23F) for 1.5 years. We had our ups and downs, but eventually now everything is amazing. We now live together, she loves me tremendously, values our relationship so highly, and is extremely caring. She is outstandingly beautiful both face and body. She is smart and educated. Rather mature for her age. She is looking for a job rn, so we are in an understandable financial strain atm, but it is manageable. Overall, I feel like she is one in a million. I should be the happiest man on Earth… but…
She has anxious attachment style though, which sometimes causes heated arguments. After one of such arguments (extremely emotional, it was a breakdown for her) I started feeling as if emotionally distant, less empathetic towards her.
And then another girl (21F) appeared. I’ve known her for some time, even before dating my current gf. I actually had a huge crush on her and wanted to date her, but as she was studying abroad, she did not accept my advances. Although I believe she expressed a degree of interest in me, but very carefully. So, I was never sure if she indeed liked me or not. We met once half a year ago with this other girl accidentally, right around the time of that heated argument with my gf (The argument had nothing to do with this encounter at all - my gf knew though). We had only 10 seconds small talk. I felt sudden strike inside my chest - strike of anxiousness and longing. And since then, that girl has been living rent free in my mind. Coming in dreams from time to time etc.
Obviously I did not contact her, as I would consider it as a form of cheating (probably). However, lately, I feel like that old crush on her has come back in full swing. I started becoming anxious and miserable. I fell like I am hiding something, that I am guilty. I feel shame for this and anger. Eventually, I liked a couple of her IG posts, stories, even though I tried not to, I could not resist - the temptation was too great. And it, magically, has alleviated the anxiety and misery for some time. Even though I did not get any feedback from her
Now, I am obsessed with an idea of writing to her. It makes me even more anxious. Which I rarely am otherwise. And idk for what purpose I want to write to her. One part of me wants to make sure that she is not interested in me, to experience disappointment and move on. Especially as she still lives in another country. And what if she likes me and wants to date me… That would be horrible. I do not feel like I am ready to break up with my current gf. This makes me feel sick, makes me feel like a cheater and overall a bad person. Perhaps that is what I am indeed… Anyways it drains me a lot.
And even if I write to her - what could I write… It sounds so stupid to confess straight away that I have a crush on her despite having a girlfriend. And if I ask smth neutral to sense check her attitude and to slowly start texting her - I would feel again very guilty for cheating. I feel like I need to tell my gf, but if I inform her that I want start texting another, Ibelieve that would cause irreparable damage to our relationship. I am afraid of losing her. I am not sure that I indeed started growing distant, or if it is just a mere cooling of passion in the relationship that is perfectly normal… Perhaps this crush is just a momentous fleeting madness which will pass soon, but it has been reappearing for almost half a year with some periods of remission.
How can I deal with this anxiety I have, and how can I decide if I write to that girl or not?

Hi, all! I've been a quiet watchereader of the community for a while, but I need some outside perspective on a situation of my own.
I'm sorry for the long text. I tried to summarize two years as best as I could.
I (then 24, now 27F) was having a really rough period. I was falling deeper into then still undiagnosed depression. I was married to my ex of nearly 10 years. He is a great man, caring and loving, always took care of me, but we had been together since I was 16 and I just grew apart from him.
For a month, I had a lover. One of the reason for the separation was sexual dissatisfaction and that lover provided that. It was the excitement I'd been missing. I did try talking to my ex about being dissatisfied many times, but things never really got better. At first, it was just sexting with the lover. Then we met up. SA was included. I cut contact and told my then-husband about it and profusely apologised. I understand the hurt that I caused. Mentally, I fell lower, but this is the lowest actions I've ever taken and I deeply regret not having stopped myself. What is done is done. I just hope he belives my apology and regret.
I offered couple's therapy to try to fix our relationship. Despite the love having dissipated, I still care a great deal about him and I tried my very best to fix what we had. Went to quite a few sessons until in one of the them it clicked for me that as great as he is, I want to be alone for now. We separated amicably in June and finalized the divorce in September, shortly after our 2nd wedding anniversary. Around the time of the separation, I also met with mental health professionals and got on meds and started working on myself to get better.
My current partner (B for babe, 35M) and I met at a Discord group. started out as friends. In addition to other topics, I talked about my own mental health and the doubts I'm having in my marriage, he was struggling with mental health as well and he thought he was in love with his best friend ( I think she's about my age, F. Let's call her Haunter) and he wasn't sure how to proceed.
Turns out B and I liked being around each other. We were together before I was officially divorced. I told him about the lover, the SA, everything, and vice versa.
At first, I was quite jealous of the best friend. I was broken, insecure, "maybe I'm just a second option since the best friend thing didn't work out"... My depression hole was nasty, but B stuck through it and was a great support. He explained that it's been a while since his last relationship and his loneliness was just seeking out some comfort, and reassured me many times that Haunter is really more like a little sister to him. I trust him, I trust his words. He has never given me reason to doubt it. Men and women can be just friends and them being friends is not a problem for me.
(Happy to say that I'm mostly recovered now. I have worse days, as does everybody, but I have a much better support network and tools for myself to build myself a ladder from the small depression holes I fall into.)
The Discord group B and I met at is quite large, but we our more active members are quite tight-knit friend group and the lover was also a part of it. In a moderation group, where select few are, lover's creepy behaviour with female community memebrs was discussed. I shared my SA story with only a few. When that shitstorm was rolling, apparently Haunter was also reading because Babe and Haunter happened to be hanging out at that time. So, she was aware that I had a lover while still married and I shortly after that jumped into a relationship with B, her best friend.
B and Haunter met during COVID lockdown and were each other's mental supports. Both of them struggled and they bonded through that.
During our first summer, I saw that B was in quite a heated messaging with Haunter. He said it was about me. I asked permission to read their conversation. He said yes, so I did. TLDR Haunter was bitching about me, what a s*** I am and that B should be careful around people like me etc etc. B got mad at her, shut her down and they didn't talk for a while. Although it was a bit funny at the time, it did hurt me and haunts me still. There was another shit-talking session about me, but I can't recall what exactly was said then.
In a sense, I undestand her attacks against me - I was rather unstable during that period and I, too, would be worried if my friend got into a relationship with someone like that. But I don't think this excuses her words one bit.
On two occasions, early in our situationship, Haunter hanged out at his place and stayed over. I was very uncomfortable about hearing about it the next morning both times. After the second time, I expressed it. He apologised and assured it would never happen again. Haunter got really dramatic and said she now feels like a home-wrecker because I didn't like her staying over.
We've had many cry sessions and talks our insecurities or any worry or small hurts. B is always very reasonable, listents to me, explains things if needed, compromises, promises to be better. I feel understood, supported and loved.
.... unless the cry sessions are about Haunter. Then, instead of understanding, he starts fiercly protecting her. While I've always tried to communicate my hurt at her words, he always explains it away as her anxiety, depression, childhood trauma, repeating her mother's toxic communicative methods etc etc and that' she's actually a very sweet person.
I do understand her somewhat, because my mother hasn't been an angel to grow up with either, but I expect better from adults. Especially after having clawed through major depression myself (my doctor said she hadn't seen anyone with such a high depression score when I first took the test). I don't think it's ever OK to lash out your anger at somebody else.
I started bottling emotions, not talking about Haunter or the hurt that was still inside me. I knew that whenever I brought it up, he would protect her and I would leave feeling even more shit. Unfortunately, I can't hide my emotions very well and he is very attentive to when I start acting differently. He asks, I talk honestly and openly.
B and I talked many times about the three of us sitting down. Later about just Haunter and I, because B and I agreed that perhaps Haunter and I could use B too much as a crutch. The goal was to chat, get to know each other better, to get some bad air out and get on a better footing. I genuinely want to have a positive feeling about Haunter instead of the hurt and dislike I have now. Haunter is B's one of two close friends. I have a circle of around 10 people I can rant to about anything. I don't want to cut him off from his friends. He deserves his as I do mine. But I expect to be treated with respect by his friends.
At one point I decided to write Haunter a message. I politely asked to maybe meet up and her to let me know when she would be OK with it and I want to have a better relationship with her. Her response? Does B know I wrote to her? Why didn't I ask B to set a meeting with her? She doesn't do friends with her friend's partners and was alltogether very confrontational while I was trying to be sweet and accomodating. No, I didn't tell B about writing her because we had just had another teary-eyed discussion about it all. Of course, Haunter texted B right away and B and I had another fight about this. His reason for being upset with me? Haunter isn't in a good headspace and he knows better how to approach her and I just made everything so much worse.
In one or another cry session, I expressed a desire for a direct apology from her. She had apologised to him about what she said about me, but I feel like since those words were directed towards me, I deserve it more. He agreed and said he'd talk to her about it. As far as I know, she should know that I read that conversation and those nasty worth directed at me.
The cry sessions happen every few months when I'm done waiting for him to take action and bring the topic back up. In one of them, I finally managed to get through to him the hurt I feel when he "explains away" her behaviour, never saying it was wrong or that I have the right to feel hurt. That he is always on her side (also a topic we've fought about, because he doesn't think he is. He says he's trying to explain and make me understand her), that I'm hurt about him not taking action etc. Every time I feel understood and heard and hopeful after a cry session, but then nothing changes. He did say that time that I have every right to feel hurt and that her behaviour was wrong and he was mad at her, too.
One time, Haunter asked me (through B) about my experience with certain anti-depressants because she was starting her journey. Honestly, it hurt me. She has the audacity to spew absolute shit towards me, never apologises or tries to remedy the situation, is constantly hostile towards me and then asks for help??? I helped, because I try my best not to be petty.
From his side I know that he cut contact with Haunter for quite a long while to make me more comfortable. I've never asked for this. I've never frobade him from talking to her (even though I would very much like if she just disappared from our lives), they've met up afterwards as well, just the two of them. I've always hoped he'd talk about me wanting a resolution, but nothing so far. One of the reasons this has been going on for so long is because B and H don't talk on a regular basis and meet up maybe one or two times a year and he insists on "apologise to OP" being a face-to-face talk because of her mental health. And apparently Haunter has asked if I still didn't like her more than once.
I have major anxiety any time I see them texting and it has gotten worse over time. I go from cheery to holding back an anxiety attack in a second when I see her name on his screen. The situation is not resolved for me. Every time they hang out, I have hours-long anxiety attacks at home where I ball my eyes out.
The last cry session was on the day he was supposed to hang out with her, but it got cancelled. It was my work day and my anxiety had been ramping up the whole day. I had a "cry alone at home and don't ever tell him" planned. I still cried, but since he was at home, we talked about the same things we always talk about. I want an apology, every cry session I think about leaving, I'd rather leave than ask him to drop a friend, him not doing anything hurts ... He promised he'd take up the topic when they meet. And I've been waiting since .... yet another time. I've lost count a long time ago.
(side rant: I'm a bit dumbfounded, because he's trying to keep both his love and his friend. He has said that should I leave, he would cut off Haunter as well, because he couldn't be friends with the person who caused his breakup... but he can't do anything actively to keep it from happening???)
Over the two years, I've set some boundaries. I don't want him telling her anything about me. She is not welcome in our home.
Occasionally, I ask how Haunter's doing. Partly to build up some positive connections with her name, partly to show positive interest and respect in his friends, and partly to sneakily maybe remind him to work on what he has promised.
I just.. don't know how to proceed.
Should I wait and trust that he will talk to Haunter about it? Should I bring it up again and risk another cry-session/fight?
I assume that some of you are going to recommend a break-up. I don't think I'm just there yet. Other than being fiercly protetive of his friend, to a degree where I feel like Haunter's mental health is of more value to him to mine, he is a great man. He is here for me 100% emotionally, mentally, physically.. except when it comes to Haunter.

A few months ago, I began working under a clinician on a small medical team with highly volatile patients. I noticed a social divide and was told it was due to half of our team being on special assignment with a high needs patient. You can't avoid cliques at work, so I just kept a distance from the people I thought were behind it. Recently, I discovered that this "special assignment" has nothing to do with it. My boss is responsible for that clique. The teammates she is friends with are the ones she vents to. If you've irritated her or done something dumb, she tells those them and asks their opinion. This is a green light for those team members to dismiss whoever she is irritated with. A few weeks ago, two of my work friends were singled out for having a "bad attitude". They went to HR, which resulted in some "team building activities". Both women bent over backwards to get back in my boss' good graces, and one was promoted to that "special assignment". Since then, we don't talk as much.
Now my boss is singling out someone else, and I'm catching some negative attention too. I was trained on, and immediately removed from that "special assignment" with no explanation... then replaced by someone fresh out of training, with zero prior experience. This just happened, and I have yet to address it because I am mortified. It got back to me that it is because someone feels I am "too soft" to work with such an intense patient. That patient is 5 years old. More of my questions are being met with passive aggression or indirect responses, from both my boss and peers. This week, it absolutely got to me. I've been an anxious wreck, withdrawing at work, and struggling to keep my "work face" on. I know this is going to make my situation worse. This has happened to me at almost every job I've ever had.
I was oblivious to these work friendships and didn't advocate for myself at all. I didn't know people were having individual relationships with our boss, private conversations with her, making special requests. I feel like if I don't ask her why I was removed from this assignment, I will be seen as passive. But am I supposed to stick my head out when I know my peers are probably already privy to all of this? Be more social with the people she vents to? I've thought about going to HR with what I have seen/heard, but I don't want this to become an ongoing series of confrontations, meetings and anxiety. I am nothing but anxious. I want work to be work, I want normal feedback, I want to be kept in the loop.
I don't feel like this is a unique situation, I just don't know how people turn these situations around on their own. It is part of my everyday job that I am bitten, hit, cleaning bodily fluids, and helping patients through crisis situations. I am not "soft" in that way-- but put me in this situation and well, I guess I am because this has me wanting to hide and shrink away. I need some advice on getting a handle on this, because I am exhausted and I know my own thoughts and feelings are making this situation worse than it originally was. What do you even address first? I have never disclosed my autism to an employer and don't intend to now.

This story is one that started a long time ago, but still affects my (32F) day-to-day life. Sorry everyone, it's a long one.
It began about 17 years ago, when I was 15 and still in school. I frequented internet forums including several fan sites of video games and books I enjoyed. One of these was a role playing forum where I and five others were writing stories together in our favourite universes. I got along well with the other members and it was a great way for me to learn English. Importantly, we only ever communicated through text, never through voice or video calls.
This is where I met the main character of this story, let's call him Tom. Tom said he was 19 years old, and was the only guy active on the forum. He had a great way with words, was mature beyond his years, and had a natural charisma about him. Naturally, as a 15-year-old with no prior experience with relationships, I was instantly drawn to this mysterious, well-spoken figure. Over the course of a month since meeting him, our conversations grew in frequency and depth, until eventually we spoke to each other on chat clients for 3-4 hours a day. At the same time, we continued writing our stories, including a plethora of romantic scenes between our respective characters. We also shared poems that we had written. It was an intense experience for me - I had never really had such a deep connection with a 'boy' before.
My parents never really taught me the importance of internet safety, and I can't blame them: it was all still very new at this time, also to them. It was Tom and my other friends on the forum that stressed how important it was to keep personal information private, especially when they learned my age. Tom especially was adamant never to share my location or photo with anyone, not even with him. It made me feel safe with him - for how could someone who so actively dissuaded me from sharing my information be a monster?
Of course I fell in love with him, to whatever extent a 15-year-old brain can comprehend love.
From written descriptions I had given of myself, Tom had expressed that he thought I must look beautiful, and so the fool that I was I gathered up the courage to send him a picture of myself anyway, desperate for his approval. He was complimentary, but did ask me why I had sent him a picture. I admitted my feelings for him. Tom was understanding, but stressed that he would never be able to give me what I needed from him.
Still, that did not stop either of us from progressing the nature of our interactions into something more sinister. I call it sinister looking back on it as an adult; at the time it was titillating and exciting. We started to send each other 'kisses' goodnight, sent back and forth explicit drawings depicting characters that looked like us, and described other intimate interactions over chat.
My mother once came into my room and witnessed Tom calling me by an endearing term. She interrogated me and I begged her not to make me break off contact with Tom. She listened to me, but made me promise her to be sensible. I want to scream at her now for not stopping it then.
My school friends did what my mother could not: they were concerned for my safety, and stepped to the headmistress, who called me into her office. After telling Tom about the encounter, he panicked. He told me we could no longer chat, and made me promise to tell the headmistress that it was over. I was heartbroken, but promised him.
I did ask Tom if we could still communicate through other means - we were doing some online art projects together that we both wanted to finish. He said yes, we could still maintain contact over e-mail and forum DM, but chat was off the table for now. I took what I could get.
The years that followed were chaotic. Sometimes our contact would be e-mail only, then we would move back to chat. At times, when things got too hard, I would decide to go no-contact for a while. I had my first real relationships in the lulls, but I would always come back. Tom would always receive me with open arms, either as a friend whenever I was dating someone, or rekindling our romantic interactions when I was not. He was always kind, patient, sensitive, and seemed selfless in his interactions with me. He made me feel so good about myself that I became obsessed with him, convinced he was the love of my life.
Three years in, Tom knew my real name, knew where I lived, and had seen nudes of me (he used one as his desktop background for years). At the same time, I knew nothing about Tom. What was worse, the few details he had unintentionally revealed weren't adding up.
Tom always portrayed our story as one of star-crossed lovers who due to circumstance outside our control could never be together. He told me I would never love him if I ever saw him in real life. First he claimed that his face had been ruined by flesh-eating bacteria. When my biology degree taught me that it's nearly impossible to survive that, he claimed body dysmorphic disorder (which I think to some extent was true).
Things reached boiling point six years into this mess. He slipped up, and revealed a detail about his life that directly contradicted the only concrete thing he had ever told me about himself: his age. I took a day to process, then confronted him, asking him how old he really was. After some initial resistance, he admitted that he had lied.
Mid-thirties, he said. A decade(!) older than he had at first claimed. I should have been furious, but after 6 years of being charmed and manipulated by him, I could only feel sorry for him. When I assured him that nothing between us had to change because of a 'number', he dropped the next bombshell:
Tom: "Alright then. Mid-forties."
I felt like I couldn't breathe. For years, I had been having sexually explicit conversations with someone old enough to be my father when I had believed him to be my age. What was worse, it had all started when I was underage. I gave Tom an ultimatum: either tell me the full truth about who he was; or lose me forever. I gave him two weeks to send me his information. He decided not to, which should have immediately set off the alarm bells that there was even more he was lying about; more he had to hide. I didn't even consider that in the moment; my heart was broken once again, and I cut off contact.
At the time, Tom and I had a number of mutual friends that we both spoke to regularly. Two of these were my cousin and his wife. I went to see them after I found out about Tom's real age, trying to find solace and understanding from someone who also knew him. I felt incredibly betrayed and angry, and asked that they also break contact - maybe that was a bit of an a-hole move. They said no: after all, Tom had never revealed his age to my cousin or his wife. As such, he had never lied to them, only to me, and they were not willing to end their friendship with Tom over that. When I asked what they thought of a 40-year-old having explicit conversations with a 15-year-old, they said that from a certain age, the teenager also has a responsibility in preventing this.
My cousin and his wife were not the only mutual friends that knew what was going on. Amazingly and invariably, NONE of our mutual friends chose to break contact with Tom over this. It caused immense doubt in me. Was I wrong in judging Tom for lying to me? Maybe the lie wasn't so terrible. And all those explicit conversations? Well, I instigated a large number of them, not Tom, so maybe I was equally, if not largely, to blame.
The way I see it now: Tom is like a cult leader: no matter what he does or says, his 'followers' will defend him; even blame themselves if it strips him of guilt. What is worse, anyone who dropped out of his inner circle would feel incredibly isolated and excluded. My friends would not play games with me because they preferred playing games with him. They would not write with me, because writing with him was so much more fun. I wish I'd had the strength to stay away, but one year later I came crawling back, desperate to be included into his circle once again, desperate for his affection that the others seemed to thrive under.
I was 22 at this time. Our contact was sporadic for the next four years - I was hesitant to engage romantically with him, even though part of me, despite everything he had put me through, still 'loved' him (trust me, writing this down, my naivety is making me want to claw my eyes out). I entered a relationship with someone else during this time, and went back to no-contact for most of its 4-year duration. When that relationship ended, Tom and I started talking more again, slowly slipping back into old habits and using the same terms of endearment we had used in the past. Tom revealed more details about himself now - he would talk about his boss, his sister, his friends, his home-town, and discussed things that were going on in his personal life. We also started talking over voice-chat, and damn it, he had an attractive voice.
I had just turned 27 when a response of his triggered me. We were recalling the early days of our interactions, and I mentioned how he had once accidentally sent me an e-mail from a throwaway account. I recalled the address letter by letter (I have a mild form of autism). He went very quiet, and then said that my memory was astounding.
Something in my lizard brain decided to look up the name in that e-mail address. I had done the same 12 years prior, but I had much more information now. It took me three hours to cross-reference the tidbits of information he had fed me over the months and years within the context of this name. And what do you know: it WAS his real name. I continued looking for the rest of the evening.. and I found much more than I bargained for.
You see, Tom was not the only person registered to his house. He was reported to live there with a woman who shared his last name, let's call her Hannah. I naively thought she might be the sister he mentioned (though he had given another name). Fortunately for me, Hannah was a lot less careful than Tom with her personal information, and I soon found a link to her blog on her Twitter page. A goldmine of information, going back over 10 years, covering almost every single day since Tom and I started talking.
My blood went cold as I started reading. It soon became clear to me that not only was Hannah his WIFE of 25-or-so years, they had an 11-year-old SON together (let's call him Jacob). I was 100% sure it was his wife writing - I could easily cross-reference the little things he had told me (assembling a bookcase, having lamb for dinner, visiting SIL for the weekend, getting a sunburn) with the details she was sharing about their life.
Once more, I should have run for the hills. Once more, I didn't. I often wonder how I could have been so stupid as to let this shitshow continue for so long, despite the thousand-and-one reasons Tom had given me to drop him. I can only attribute it to some kind of twisted sunk cost fallacy. By recognising Tom for the monster that he was, I had to face having loved that monster for over a decade. It meant admitting to myself that I was a terrible judge of character, and how could I possibly trust anyone ever again if I could not trust my own judgment? Also, all our mutual friends had always normalised his behaviour to the extent that it seemed almost arrogant to say that HE was in the wrong.
Because of the reactions that I had received from my friends and cousin last time, I kept what I knew to myself, even from Tom. Enter the next ridiculous phase of the story: Tom was saying how he was ordering a passport SO THAT HE COULD COME TO VISIT ME AND MY COUSIN. And idiot that I was, I wanted nothing more, because I was STILL IN LOVE WITH THE SH*T even after everything he had done, now not only to me, but also to his wife Hannah and his son.
I met him in real life five months later. He would be visiting my house for the day, and I was planning to confront him about what I knew. I had given one of my close friends his real name and address, and had told them to contact the police in the event they didn't hear from me by evening - I had no idea how Tom would react when exposed. Probably the fact that I felt unsafe in the first place should have been enough reason not to meet him alone.
We met, and I wish I didn't feel attracted to this 50-year-old but I did. We talked a lot. Eventually, I decided to test him, to see if he would be disloyal to his wife. While our conversations had definitely been flirty over the past year or so, I had never actually been straight with Tom and told him I still felt the same way. So I told him. Credit to him where it is due, he said he couldn't pursue a relationship with me, but followed it up with 'that we could still hold hands and hug'. He did not tell me why he couldn't, of course.
Only then did I reveal what I knew. I told him I've known for months now what his real name is, where he works, where he lives, and who he lives with. I probably could've been a bit more sensitive in how I brought it up (but let's be honest he doesn't deserve it and I was pretty pissed off keeping this stuff inside for 5 months). He turned incredibly pale and said that I could ask him anything I wanted to know. I asked him about his wife and their relationship (which hadn't been good for years according to him), his son (the pride of his life), and why on earth he had chosen to have explicit exchanges with a 15-year-old as a married man ('I was drunk').
During his stay, we were never intimate in the 'spicy' way, but we did hold hands a lot, he would have his hand on my leg, and we shared long hugs. He stayed the nights at my cousin's, and a few days later he left to go back to his country.
I am not proud of what happened next. Over the next months, we video chatted almost every evening. The conversations got flirtier, the amount of clothes we were wearing diminished until we both went into the calls topless.
One night, things escalated. We had gotten into a fight earlier in the evening - he had revealed that during that first real-life meeting, he had made an audio recording of the whole conversation, apparently so he could later prove to his wife that nothing happened. I responded that it was ok (it totally wasn't but that's beside the point), that I had taken precautions as well, and told him about the friend I had contacted. He lost it, saying I had no right to share his personal details with my friend or anyone else. I got angry in return, saying that he had no reason to distrust me as in the 12 years of knowing each other I had never lied to him; on the other hand I had EVERY reason to distrust him as he literally hid a wife and son from me, and had lied to a 15-year-old girl about his age.
We were both emotionally drained after, and I took things a step further that night, and seduced him into doing more together in front of the camera, maybe knowing that he would be too drained to refuse. He asked me later if I had consciously manipulated him into going along with it, choosing a vulnerable moment to strike - maybe I did, and I regret it.
Over the next months, our 'mishap' developed into a full-blown affair. I visited his home-town about 5 times in the year that followed. We kissed, and did basically everything apart from the 'deed' itself. I think he never wanted to have traditional sex either because then he could keep justifying to himself that he hadn't cheated on his wife, or because he was terrified of getting me pregnant. During my stays in his home-town, he would bring his son Jacob along to our lunches and dinners. Mostly to pacify his wife I suspect, for how could it be an affair with his son around? I loved the kid, we got along well, but I hated the lie that I had to live. To put myself through this was one thing, but it was so unbelievably unfair on Hannah and Jacob.
The whole situation sent me into severe depression. I was abandoning my morals for this man whom I still could not trust. I was lonely, and didn't date because I refused to be a cheater myself (maybe hypocritical). With every real-life meeting, his mask slipped further, and by the end there was little left of the charismatic, caring man that I had imagined him to be. Still, I was so entangled with him that I could not imagine my life without Tom. I did not know who I was without this person, who had completely overshadowed at this point almost half my life and all my adult life. I was stuck.
Eventually, I gave Tom an ultimatum again: Hannah, or me. I gave him two months to make up his mind. We spoke daily, and as his 'deadline' was approaching he became verbally aggressive with me, saying that he wasn't enjoying our conversations as much as he used to because I kept bringing up the choice he had to make. I asked him what he needed from me. He said he needed more time. I am ashamed to say I gave him that time.
I was lucky to have found two very close friends among my colleagues over the course of this whole drama. They had slowly witnessed the situation devolve into something unmaintainable. One of them often visited when I had panic attacks; she even slept next to me on the bad nights to make sure I'd be ok. They recommended me to make written lists of the red flags that I saw, the abusive behaviours Tom had demonstrated, and the effects the whole situation was having on me. They made me see how he would never choose me, that he was happy using everything and everyone as long as it served his needs. They slowly guided me into making the right decision during a work conference, when I didn't have time to contact Tom. Being away from his reach for a week, combined with the continuous talks with my two friends throughout the conference, made me strong enough to make a decision. Together, we agreed that as soon as I got back home, I would call Tom and cut ties with him. My friends would be available on call straight after.
Thanks to my friends, I went through with it. I cut contact almost three years ago now. As expected, he did not fight for me, and never tried to contact me again. My friends saw me through the worst of it.
Four months after cutting ties with Tom, I met the man who is now my husband, and we are currently expecting a baby. He makes me unbelievably happy, and has taught me what a loving relationship should feel like. He knows about this whole story and is very supportive. He even encouraged me to post this as he believes it'd help me process things.
I am still in touch with some of Tom's friends: my cousin, his wife, and a 40-year-old woman who has been my friend since the start of this whole story and was my MOH during my wedding. I have decided not to hold it against them that they cannot let go of Tom - hell, I couldn't let go for 14 years. It just demonstrates the horrible grip and influence he has on people. My MOH and I have an understanding that we don't discuss Tom, and that saved the friendship - we actually have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company a lot. I refuse to lose any more people over him.
I am in a good place now, looking forward to the future, and can't wait to meet our child. Still, this experience has not left me unscathed. I still struggle with trust, in other people and myself, and feel that I am responsible for a lot of what happened. I feel incredibly ashamed and naive for my behaviour over the years. I especially feel horrible about what I did to Hannah and Jacob - as far as I know, Tom never told them about the affair, but I would be very surprised if Hannah didn't know what was going on. I do have my suspicions that I am not the only one Tom did this with, but I have no proof, and it does not take away any of my responsibility in all of this.
So reddit: did I seduce Tom as a 15-year-old, or did he groom me and manipulate me into falling for him? Or was our interaction simply toxic on both sides, and not any one person's fault? And AITA for having pursued this affair even after I found out Tom was married? Also, should I reach out to Hannah (though honestly I would be a bit scared to do so, and I don't feel at all like reinserting myself into Tom's life in any way)?
And finally the question that still keeps me up at night: did Tom ruin half my life, or did I do that all by myself? And if I had a role to play in this, am I fit to be a mother?
TL;DR: As a 15-year-old, I fell in love with a man who claimed he was 19 but was actually 40. 12 years later, I found out he had a wife and son, but had become so infatuated with him that I pursued an affair with him. I ended the affair two years later but still feel guilty. I feel like much of what happened is my responsibility, since I instigated most of the intimacy. AITA?

Exploring the deep-seated fears that reside within us and how they manifest as what we traditionally call the "seven deadly sins." These ancient concepts, often cloaked in religious and moralistic language, serve as mirrors reflecting our innermost insecurities and self-imposed limitations. By understanding these fears and recognizing the acronym S.I.N. as Self-Inflicted Negatives, we can transcend these barriers and step into the fullness of our potential.

1. Pride (Hubris):
   
   • Fear: The fear of inadequacy and not being enough.
   • Manifestation: When we feel deeply insecure about our worth, we may inflate our ego to mask these feelings. Pride becomes a shield, protecting us from the vulnerability of admitting our perceived shortcomings.
   • Transformation: Embrace humility and self-acceptance. Recognize that true strength comes from acknowledging our imperfections and growing from them.
2. Envy:
   
   • Fear: The fear of lack and not having enough.
   • Manifestation: Envy arises from a scarcity mindset, where we believe that others' success diminishes our own potential. It is the fear that we are not capable of achieving our desires.
   • Transformation: Cultivate gratitude and abundance. Understand that the universe is infinite, and there is more than enough for everyone. Celebrate others' successes as a reflection of what is possible for you.
3. Wrath (Anger):
   
   • Fear: The fear of powerlessness and being out of control.
   • Manifestation: Anger often stems from a perceived threat to our sense of control or autonomy. It is a reaction to the fear that we are helpless in changing our circumstances.
   • Transformation: Practice patience and understanding. Recognize that anger is a signal pointing to deeper issues that need healing. Embrace compassion, both for yourself and others.
4. Sloth (Laziness):
   
   • Fear: The fear of failure and not measuring up.
   • Manifestation: Sloth can be a defense mechanism against the fear of trying and failing. It is easier to not try at all than to risk not succeeding.
   • Transformation: Ignite your passion and purpose. Understand that every step, no matter how small, is progress. Embrace the journey and learn from every experience.
5. Greed (Avarice):
   
   • Fear: The fear of loss and not having enough security.
   • Manifestation: Greed is driven by an insatiable desire for more, stemming from a deep-seated fear of scarcity and insecurity.
   • Transformation: Foster generosity and trust. Realize that true security comes from within and that sharing your abundance enriches both your life and the lives of others.
6. Gluttony:
   
   • Fear: The fear of emptiness and not being fulfilled.
   • Manifestation: Gluttony is an attempt to fill an emotional void with physical or material excess. It is the fear that we are not whole or complete.
   • Transformation: Seek inner fulfillment and balance. Discover what truly nourishes your soul and focus on holistic well-being.
7. Lust:
   
   • Fear: The fear of intimacy and not being loved.
   • Manifestation: Lust can be an escape from the vulnerability of genuine connection. It is driven by a fear that we are unlovable or unworthy of deep, authentic relationships.
   • Transformation: Embrace genuine connection and self-love. Understand that true intimacy begins with self-acceptance and extends to forming meaningful bonds with others.
   S.I.N. - Self-Inflicted Negatives
   

The term "sin" has long been associated with moral failings and spiritual transgressions. However, when we view sin through the lens of Self-Inflicted Negatives, we shift our perspective from judgment to understanding. These "sins" are not punishments or inherent flaws but rather reflections of our inner fears and limiting beliefs.
By recognizing and addressing these fears, we can transform our lives. The path to enlightenment and personal growth involves facing these inner demons, understanding their origins, and consciously choosing to transcend them. This process requires self-awareness, compassion, and a commitment to continuous growth.
Transcending Self-Inflicted Negatives

1. Awareness: Begin by acknowledging the fears that underlie your actions and reactions. This requires honest self-reflection and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths.
   
2. Acceptance: Accept that these fears are a part of your human experience. They do not define you, but they do offer valuable lessons for your spiritual journey.
   
3. Action: Take proactive steps to address and transform these fears. This might involve seeking support, such as therapy or spiritual counseling, as well as engaging in practices that promote self-growth, such as meditation, journaling, or mindfulness.
   
4. Affirmation: Regularly affirm your worth and potential. Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations that reinforce your inherent value and capabilities. Remember, you are a divine being having a human experience, and you possess the power to transcend any limitation.
   
5. Connection: Foster deeper connections with others and the universe. Engage in practices that enhance your sense of interconnectedness, such as community service, group meditations, or simply spending time in nature. Recognize that you are part of a vast, supportive network of beings.
   
6. Gratitude: Cultivate a mindset of gratitude. Focus on the abundance already present in your life and express thanks for it. Gratitude shifts your perspective from lack to abundance and opens the door to receiving more blessings.
   
7. Forgiveness: Practice forgiveness, both for yourself and others. Holding onto guilt or resentment only perpetuates the cycle of negativity. Release these burdens and allow yourself to heal.
   

The Path Forward
As we navigate the complexities of our human existence, it is essential to remember that our journey is one of continuous evolution. The seven deadly sins, or Self-Inflicted Negatives, are not obstacles meant to hinder us but opportunities designed to teach us invaluable lessons about ourselves.
By embracing these lessons with an open heart and a willing spirit, we can transcend our fears and limitations. This transformation is not about achieving perfection but about embracing our authentic selves, flaws and all, and realizing that we are inherently worthy and capable of greatness.
In conclusion, the seven deadly sins are not merely moral failings but reflections of deeper fears that we hold within ourselves. By recognizing and addressing these fears, we can transform our lives and transcend the limitations that hold us back. Remember, S.I.N. – Self-Inflicted Negatives – can be healed through awareness, acceptance, action, affirmation, connection, gratitude, and forgiveness. As you continue on your spiritual journey, may you find peace, wisdom, and the courage to embrace your true potential.
With infinite love and light,
Your fellow traveler on the path of spiritual awakening

Hey y'all!
So I'm in a small space about 500 sq ft I've been here for 4 years and have just under 2 years on my lease and am not sure about resignining.
I need a simple fix for more lighting on my station that doesn't include actual electrical work and am definitely overwhelmed. I have a friend who might switch out a few of my current lights for track lights but that's still more than I want to spend for a space I might not stay in.
I really just need to brighten it up around my clients mainly their faces. Does anyone know of anything that's for sure helpful?

Long time listener, first time caller. Using a throwaway account.
My long-time (20 year) non dx partner began stimming later in life (around 38-40), and it's been really challenging to handle as his partner. For him, he mostly taps on surfaces or slams his keyboard. However, when he's having what I'll call "an episode," in which he's very stressed out about something and the stimming gets out of control, he hits himself on the face, sometimes leaving small cuts or bruises. Lately, it seems that the episodes are being brought on by increasingly mundane situations, such as having to do something for work or needing to do a non-urgent task around the house.
When it gets to be an episode, I've set really hard boundaries around self harm by letting him know that he needs to work with his therapist to find coping mechanisms and use alternatives that don't lead to him hitting himself. I know this isn't always possible, but I try to reinforce this as a red line for me, mostly because I'm concerned that this will escalate further and I'm concerned about him getting hurt.
These symptoms have been made worse by my partner working the night shift (remote job), which leaves him in his office, mostly bored, for 12 hour shifts. I know this is a period of immense frustration for him, but he had to take a job after being unemployed for over a year after he left a previous role for this same issue. Needless to say there are other issues with his mental health that are not related to stimming, but that would probably deserve another post.
I've become really consumed by the fear that his stimming, intense anxiety, and general inability to handle any stressful situations will continue to escalate and I won't know how to support him or get him care. There have been a few situations in which he's shown these symptoms in a public place and I had a great fear that people would be concerned about his behavior (for example, when we were in a large international airport and he was having compulsions to make odd faces where he appeared aggressive). To be clear, I'm only concerned about perception because I know things like this can affect his self esteem, his ability to interact with strangers, and (when displaying this behavior at work) his career prospects. He's such a smart and kind person, and I just want people to see the best in him, if that makes sense.
I love my partner endlessly, but I'm really struggling to understand how best to support him. He's been seeing a counselor (not a psychologist or psychotherapist), but I don't see a big improvement in coping skills after one year of treatment. My first inclination is to push him to go talk to a medical professional and to get a diagnosis, but I know through reading these posts that a diagnosis doesn't do much. Any advice on how to support my partner through this would be really appreciated. TIA for any tips.

Aidin didn't need another cautionary tale about the Phaal, but he could tell from the slight crinkle of Isa's forehead that he was about to hear one.
"There's something else you should know," she said.
So predictable. "If you're going to tell me how deadly-"
"It's not that," she interrupted, and it suddenly occurred to Aidin that he was probably just as predictable to her as she was to him. "It's something else. Something worse."
"What's worse than-"
"They can read minds. They can read your mind. Human minds. They might be reading your mind right now."
"I see," nodded Aidin, digesting the information. "Actually, I don't think I do see. Why is that worse?"
"Because the only way we're getting out of here is if you can beat them at Phaal's Poker."
Aidin and Isa were sat on the floor of a holding cell, but it was unlike any of the cells they'd found themselves in before. And they'd found themselves in plenty. For most artefact dealers, there was a fine line between running a successful operation and staying on the right side of The Expanse's arbiters. Usually you had to pick one.
Their cell was shaped like the number 8, with two, circular chambers separated by a gap just wide enough to squeeze a human arm through. They could've passed items to each other had they been allowed to keep anything worth passing. Instead, all they'd exchanged so far were words and glances. And thoughts.
Each half of the cell was empty save from a polymer bucket, and a singular light hung in the gap, half-heartedly illuminating both halves at the same time.
It was hard for either of them to know how long they'd been there. There were no windows, and besides, time moved strangely in these far-flung corners of The Expanse. Still, Aidin's stomach had given way to a deep, aching growl. They'd clearly been here for too long.
___
Phaal's Poker. Aidin had only heard the rumours. Invented by the Phaal, mastered by the Phaal. It was said that nobody could beat them at their own game, least of all humans, and now he understood why. How do you deceive something that knows what you're thinking?
"Can't you play?" asked Aidin.
Isa shook her head. "They can't read me. They'll insist on playing you."
Aidin's eyes dropped and settled on his moaning gut. He was used to hunger, but this felt different. Like his body had resorted to feeding on itself.
"Right. Excellent. And if I lose?"
Isa raised an eyebrow. "Don't lose."
Aidin sighed. This was not what he had envisioned when he took the job, but jobs like this rarely went as planned. That much he knew. "So what're the rules?"
"Ah, yes." Isa straightened, her eyes widening with an enthusiasm that felt at odds with their current predicament. "It's actually a rather elegant game."
"Well then, lucky me," said Aidin, his patience eroding with every gurgling hunger pang. Isa persevered.
"Two players face each other. Each player takes a coin - but it can be anything small and flat - and places it - secretly, mind - into one of their hands - or whatever they use to hold stuff." Isa's excitement continued to build. "You win by finding your opponent's coin and tricking them into missing yours."
"What if you both find each other's coins?"
"Then the game starts again. Same if both players get it wrong, but-" she caught herself. "But-"
"-Phaal don't get it wrong." offered Aidin.
Isa slumped back against the wall. "No, they don't. At least, not when they're playing humans."
"So if the Phaal never miss, it means I can't win," reasoned Aidin. "I can only delay the inevitable by forcing a rematch."
"Yes. That's the long and short of it," said Isa. "But perhaps..." she trailed off, and Aidin interrogated the slight narrowing of her eyes. He'd seen that squint before.
"You've got an idea, haven't you?" he said.
"What if," ventured Isa, "there is a way?" At this she stood up, her dormant bones clicking back into action. She paced back and forth across the diameter of her half of the cell, moving in and out of Aidin's view through the small gap that separated them. Her lips moved silently, her fingers traced patterns in the air.
"I'm listening," said Aidin, veiling his intense relief as best he could. She always had an idea. "Whenever you're ready."
After what felt to Aidin like an age, Isa stopped in the middle of her cell and moved close to the gap, locking eyes with him again. The light hovered above her head, and it reminded Aidin of the cartoons he used to watch back on Earth. This was an idea alright.
Isa pointed at him: "You have one advantage over the other humans who have played Phaal's Poker, don't you?" Aidin nodded, but he didn't know what she was talking about. Isa sensed it. "Aidin, you know they can read your mind. The others won't have known. We can use that."
"Okay. Yeah. I can see it. Fine." He stared at her blankly. "But how exactly? If I'm thinking about lying about which hand my coin is in, they're still going to know I'm lying."
"Sure", said Isa. She was confident now, like a detective about to reveal the culprit. "But what if you don't think about the game at all?"
___
Aidin's eyes burned into the silhouetted backs of the two human guards that escorted him down a dark, seemingly endless corridor. "You can talk to me y'know," he spat. No response. Fucking traitors.
The width of the corridor fluctuated. In parts it was wide - almost palatial - but then the wood-panelled walls would tighten inwards and suddenly it was so narrow that the guards had to walk in single-file. Then they'd open up again. Intermittent lights along the ceiling made their shadows shorten and stretch.
He hadn't seen wood for some time, let alone wood-panels. These Phaal were wealthy - trees didn't grow on planets in these parts. If not for his bounds he would've reached out and ran his fingers along them.
Without warning the guards stopped outside a door. One turned to face him, and Aidin opened his mouth, ready to tell him what he thought about humans that had crossed over. But all he could muster was a stifled gasp.
The guard's eyes had been gouged out, leaving two, pitted caverns in their place. Two smaller holes punctured a flat, scarred surface where his nose should've been, and his mouth was sewn shut with rusted, blood-stained wire. His ears were still in tact.
The guard reached for the door handle with a gloved hand, and Aidin scrambled to gather himself. This is what could happen to me, he thought. This is what could happen if I lose.
The door swung open. Aidin's hunger continued to eat away at his insides.
___
A small, wooden coin was placed in front of each player by one of the mutilated guards that had escorted Aidin to the room. Like his cell, the room was empty save for the metal table and chairs on which they sat and a light that glowed above them. But unlike his cell, this one was square. Disgusting place, he thought.
He glanced up at the Phaal sat across from him, remembering with a spike of panic that his thoughts weren't private anymore. But it was unclear to him whether it was listening: just like the two human guards stood either side of them, the Phaal were faceless.
He had never seen one in real life before, but Isa's description was pretty accurate. Humans are mostly carbon and oxygen, Phaal are mostly calcium and keratin. Imagine if you tried to piece together a human using only bones, teeth, nails and hair.
Its whole chest was covered by a wooden-beaded necklace, which, based on the differing shades of brown, looked like an assortment of various woods. More posturing.
With a sudden lurch, the Phaal raised a hand and placed it on top of its coin. The hand was human-like in shape, but paper-white and hard. Thick cables of hair coiled around each finger, digging grooves into their surface like a vine eroding the brick of a decaying building. It dragged the coin off the table with a screech that felt like it was peeling away at Aidin's eardrums.
Aidin - his bounds cut once the door to the room had been shut - took his own coin in response, passed it between his sweat-lined hands and recited Isa's words in his mind over and over, like a mantra. Grip one half of the coin with your left hand, and the other half of the coin with your right. Then focus on what you'll eat when we get out of here.
The Phaal angled its head slightly, and Aidin wondered whether it was listening now. After a moment, the blank oval of bone, hair and teeth rocked back and fourth very slowly. It was nodding. Then it placed two clenched fists on the table.
Grip one half of the coin with your left hand, and the other half of the coin with your right. Then focus on what you'll eat when we get out of here.
Aidin closed his eyes and thought about food. He knew that the food he'd be eating if he ever escaped this place would likely be the same food he and Isa had eaten since they'd met all those years ago. A grool of proteins, most of which could be harvested from even the most barren atmospheres of The Outer Expanse.
But his mind was a pantry, and he had stocked it with a myriad of memories. He remembered melted cheese on home-baked bread. He could almost taste his mother's cinnamon apples and golden custard. He could recall the smell of fried potatoes with such precision that it almost felt to Aidin as though they, and not his own coiled hands, had just been placed onto the table in front of him.
Focus on what you'll eat when you get out of here. Fruit. Grapes. The juice of those grapes. God damn I miss grapes. Fucking grapes. I never even wanted 'em when I was a kid. Now I'd kill for a grape. Fuck it I'd die for a grape. I'd-
A cold, callous touch to his right hand dragged his mind away from the grapes and back into the room.
The Phaal had made its choice. And as soon as Aidin realised what was happening, the Phaal knew that it had chosen wrongly.
The coin had found its way into Aidin's left hand.
Now it was Aidin's turn to choose.

I took the plunge and pre-ordered the Ace, and I’ve been putting it through its paces for the last couple of days. I’m pretty deep in the Sonos ecosystem, and I’m a big headphone collector, so I’m tossing in my thoughts here for those thinking about taking the plunge on these $450 cans.
TL:DR - the Aces come in at a high price point in the market at $450. At that price, these may be a tough sell for many. The overall sound is very good - but not definitively better than the category leaders in the market, many of which cost substantially less. Early/Gen1 bugs will leave some thinking that the product is half baked or leaves them out entirely, especially Android users. All that said, this is still a Sonos product, so there are enough things done well about the Ace that it could be a decent proposition - especially if you catch a sale and/or after upcoming software updates. Hard to hate, hard to love.
Now to give some context and get into the deeper review. As mentioned, I am pretty deep in the Sonos ecosystem because I’ve steadily added to my setups over the years. I started with a 5.1 system, Playbar + Sub + two Play 1s about 10 years ago (now in my kid’s playroom) and now I have Sonos in my whole home - another Arc-based 5.1 setup (media room), a Playbase 5.1 setup (living room), a Beam (bedroom), Move (outdoor patio) and a Roam (travel).
I am also a headphone collector and have 22 pairs, ranging from “consumer” stuff like the Ace, AirPods Pro/Max - and all the way up to high-end reference gear from the likes of Audeze, Sennheiser, Meze, Focal, etc. I listen to many types of music, from hip-hop to classical, and I also do quite a bit of gaming. I have a young kiddo so have the need to use headphones for TV viewing pretty often.
Starting with the overall design, comfort, control and included accessories - Sonos does a mostly solid job. The design isn’t overly striking in any way, but it is a well-refined “standard headphone” type of design with clean lines. The Aces are light while still feeling solidly built, have a smooth but appropriately firm sliding hinge for headband fit, have easily removable pads, and while they don’t completely collapse, they get compact enough to fit in the included zip-up hard shell carrying case.
The respectable carrying case isn’t the only included accessory. A USB-C cable is included for both charging and USB-C audio (no included wall charger), and a USB-C to 3.5mm cable is included as well for plugging into analog sources. The inclusion of these cables and capabilities gives the Aces a lot of general versatility and are good things at this price point.
The design lends itself to an overall very comfortable headphone. The band has a very soft cushion and connects to the cups in a way that distributes the weight very well. The cushions of the cups are a well-padded and very comfortable faux leather situation with a firm but not too imposing pressure on the head. These are easy to wear for hours without discomfort for me. I will note that while everything is fine for me, the cups are not particularly large, and the pads are angled, so people with large ears may find their ears touching the cups a bit.
The controls are also well designed. Sonos chose to avoid any type of touch controls with the Aces and has just three buttons - one for power and Bluetooth pairing, one for ANC/transparency/on-device voice assistant, and one for volume and track/audio source/phone call control. It reads more complicated than it is for the controls to become second nature. It is a very good overall control scheme. It’s not quite as good as the Digital Crown design of the AirPods Max, but I’d give it a strong second to that.
When it comes to hardware design and general ease of use, Sonos has always done well across its product range, and that continues here. Grade: A
Sound is one of the most subjective/difficult things to review, and I’m going to try and be as neutral as possible and use some good points of comparison. Overall, the Aces perform fairly well for the product category, and while they bring their own approach to the table, it is very much debatable whether what they bring in terms of sound is worth the fairly high $450 entry point versus $450 for the AirPods Max, $299 for the Sennheiser Momentum 4, $328 for the Sony WH-1000XM5 or $379 for the Bose Quiet Comfort Ultra - all very mature and respectable market leaders with similar product features in this category. There are wireless headphones out there that are priced higher like the Focal Bathys ($799) or the Bowers and Wilkins Px8 ($529), though one could argue that those are catering to the luxury and/or audiophile market (all Amazon US prices as of this writing), where the sound expectations have a higher hurdle to overcome.
Let’s first talk about tonal balance. The general tuning of the Aces is very similar to all of the other products I mentioned above, which is a version of a “V-Shaped” tune; bass is boosted, and treble is boosted, creating what has become commonly known as a “fun” type of tuning that I call warm and sparkly. While all of the products I mentioned do this in some way, each does it slightly differently, resulting in a slightly different overall sound presentation, the Aces are no exception. Let’s dive in.
The bass on the Aces is very noticeably boosted throughout the entire band, and the biggest boost is in the sub-bass region. This means the Aces bring slam, boom and rumble to the listen. It could be argued that these get into bass head territory, and I believe those that like bass would be happy with the Aces in that department. While the bass is certainly very prominent, it is not overly loose and still maintains a decent level of control. It is a thick but fairly clean bass. It hits thicker than the AirPods Max but less so than the Momentums and XM5s. If you like to feel those big explosions and soundtrack moments in your TV viewing and gaming, the Aces will fit the bill, as the depth the bass can reach is impressive. The downside to the bass tuning is that since the entire bass band is boosted, if you are listening to a track that has a lot of action in the bass region, it can be overwhelming and lack detail. It can also lead to some bleed into the lower midrange on certain tracks.
It is the midrange on the Aces that surprised me the most, though when I think about how Sonos likely dedicated as much thought to how these sound for TV as to how they sound for music, it makes sense. In a usual “V-shaped” tuning, it is the midrange that is the least present or gets a bit left out of the mix. This often results in vocals and many common core instruments and pieces of the mix somewhat veiled, and is the reason many audiophiles don’t like the V-shaped tuning. The Aces mostly avoid this. The midrange balance is pretty on-target with the exception of a bit of a dip in the upper mids. This means that you get a very full-bodied core sound when listening to the Aces, and that’s a very good thing. Male vocals are very often put on full display because of the added warmth of the bass boost. Female vocals can sometimes take a bit of a back seat, along with instruments like guitar, as a result of the dip in the upper mids, but to notice either of these, you’d really have to be a focused listener (more on why later). The story of the midrange is that it’s better executed than many in the category. This translates well to TV/gaming as well, as dialogue is typically easy to make out, even when there’s lots of other action going on.
The treble on the Ace, as mentioned, is definitely boosted, but in a targeted way that overall, works. I mentioned that the upper midrange where female vocals and some higher instruments live is a bit de-emphasized. Well, the treble is boosted in the “sparkle” region, where sounds like symbols reside - as well as the “s” and “t” sounds in vocals. This boost makes details shine a bit more, and it also hides the under-emphasis of the upper midrange a bit because it still pulls forward the sparkle of all vocals. This upper midrange and treble boost combination is also seen in some well-regarded higher end headphones from the likes of Sennheiser and Meze Audio, just to name a few, so kudos to Sonos for pretty solid execution on the treble. The downside to boosting this region is that some people’s ears are sensitive to this frequency range, and can find sounds like snare drums, loud symbols and the like in this region to be grating to listen to for long periods of time. I don’t find the boost to be extreme, but it is there, so those that are treble-sensitive, just something to note.
This is a good point to make note that this has all been related to the default tonal balance of the Aces right out of the box. Connecting to the Sonos app does allow you to adjust the frequency response - though it is a very basic EQ just like other Sonos products - a simple treble/bass slider. Most of the options at this price point offer greater level of control with a at least a 3-5 band EQ, but it’s better than nothing.
Last in the sound department is a bit about the staging and technical performance. Again, the Aces do what they do fairly well for the category, but whether what they do is definitively better than their peers is debatable. The sound that comes from the Aces is crisp and clear, and one of the most immediately noticeable aspects of the presentation is the good horizontal spread of the pieces of the mix - everything is placed very well with pretty good separation. The sound stage isn’t overly wide by any means, and we aren’t talking about a 3D/holographic sound stage (unless you’re using Dolby Atmos, which I’ll come back to), but the sound does indeed go ear-to-ear horizontally. Even so, the focus of the Aces is always front and center. The stage is very center-focused and intimate, with the edges of the left and right channel wrapping around to the ears. It is a pretty in your face presentation that works well. The center position also has a small but distinct depth and separation from the mix, which is impressive for a wireless headphone (I had to wonder if the fact that the inside of the pads of the Aces are angled contributes to this). The fact that the stage is so center-focused also keeps the vocals and heart of the mix emphasized, and this pairs well with its midrange tuning. This presentation also is another testament to being well-designed for both music and TV listening.
I am not always a fan of Dolby Atmos for headphones, as what the technology can do is often overhyped, but the Aces do handle Atmos mixed sources (or multichannel sources when using TV Swap) very well. It essentially makes the sound stage a bit bigger, along with more precise positioning of the pieces of the mix. I find it best for video content and hit or miss for music.
The overall sound package that the Aces deliver is solid, well-executed, V-shaped listen. The sound is warm, crisp, clean, dynamic/lively and is presented very well, in a way that will work for many genres of music, TV and gaming. The aces definitely deserve to be in the conversation among the market leaders, but each of these market leaders also have strong overall presentations that are arguably just as good, if not better - and allow for a bit more control with more EQ personalization options. The Ace’s premium price relative to this competition has to be taken into consideration as a point of comparison in evaluating overall sound. Grade: B+ / A-
I realize that when evaluating a pair of wireless headphones nowadays, the technology feature set is a big factor as well, and that’s where things get even more interesting for the Aces. This is because depending on your particular Sonos setup, mobile device setup, and general home listening setup, the technological features of the Aces are various levels of either lacking or unfinished.
Let’s start with the good. Regardless of the device you’re using to connect, you get to experience the active noise cancellation and transparency modes of the Aces, and both are very good. The noice cancelling mode isn’t quite as good as Bose, and the transparency mode isn’t quite as good as Apple, but both are respectable compared to anything else, a good showing. You can also enable head tracking in the Sonos app when connected to any device audio via Bluetooth, which for Android users may be an added convenience, depending on your device (for Apple users, this is a feature built in option at the system level between any iOS device and AirPods). You also get a fairly good mix of codec support, including some lossless options if your device supports it.
Now, the not so good. When Sonos announced the Aces, the company very accurately talked about how headphones were one of the most requested products of the community, and everyone in this sub can probably attest to that. But what has been released, at this point in time especially, IMO misses the mark by not doing the we want the headphones to do most - connect seamlessly to our larger Sonos systems, and on top of this, it highlights the challenge of forced obsolescence when dealing with home theater speakers and advanced technology in the same package.
The best way to illustrate this is to state plainly that the Aces are first and foremost Bluetooth headphones. They connect to your Sonos system indirectly via the app on your Bluetooth device, not directly to the system itself via WiFi (mostly). This means a few things. If you’re envisioning using the Sonos app as a hub main hub for navigating your music library across sources and handing it off between your Sonos speakers and headphones, that’s not in the cards with the Ace (ha). As a matter of fact, you can only use the Sonos app to play and pause media playing on the Ace, not select and navigate.
If your goal is using the Aces to listen to your TV, it can be done via a feature called TV Swap, but the situation isn’t exactly pretty for a lot of people. You can press a button on the Aces or within the Sonos app to trigger a direct WiFi connection between a TV-connected Sonos speaker, but at launch and of this writing, it only works on the top-of-the-line Sonos Arc soundbar. This support is coming via software update to the Beam and Ray at an unannounced date. This means that for folks like me that have been building a Sonos ecosystem for years, arguably the most loyal and valuable customers of Sonos (and the ones requesting this product for years), the usefulness of the Aces may be substantially reduced. Out of the four rooms that have Sonos sound bars in my home, again, all purchased within the last ten years or less, only two will ever work with the Aces. My Playbase and Playbar are forever excluded, and if you’re using something like the Sonos Amp to connect a turntable or other device to your Sonos system, you’re also out of luck. If you are an Android user, the picture is even uglier, as the TV Swap feature doesn’t work AT ALL, meaning that until an update arrives, also at an as yet unannounced date, the Aces are essentially a regular pair of Bluetooth headphones for Android users.
For me, this is the most disappointing thing about the Aces. Unless you are a fairly recent inductee to the Sonos ecosystem, the Aces probably are really more general Bluetooth headphones that can connect to a Sonos speakeTV than Sonos headphones that also connect to Bluetooth devices. This is in a world where there are certainly other options for connecting headphones to your TV’s audio. Many smart TV’s and set top boxes now offer a direct Bluetooth connection, and if you have an Apple TV, using AirPods via AirPlay is a much more seamless experience. All of these things, combined with the recent revamp of the Sonos app that took away features and left many unhappy in the name of updating the app for future products (including the Ace), should make you think twice about if the Aces are the best way to get TV audio via headphones for you and your setup - and about the longevity of your particular Sonos setup in general. I realize there are technical challenges that make better Sonos system integration a challenge, and that for some, the issue about older products isn’t an issue at all, but it is worth bringing to light for those making a long-term purchase decision.
The second most disappointing thing about the launch of the Aces is the continued trend of companies releasing products at full price that are essentially unfinished. I already discussed that for Android users at launch, there is no TV Swap at all, so these are effectively just regular Bluetooth headphones with no Sonos system integration at all. I also touched on the fact that TV swap support for the Beam and Ray is missing for all platforms. There is also a very cool-sounding form of TruePlay that Sonos is calling TrueTune. This will calibrate the room, so that when using TV Swap to listen to audio, you’ll get an even more “immersive” listening experience that takes Spatial Audio and head tracking to the next level by trying to actually mirror the acoustics of the room as if you had no headphones on at all. I can’t report on that because, you guessed it…the feature is coming at a yet unannounced date. On top of this, there are bugs out of the gate. Sometimes my Aces don’t show up in the Sonos app, and TV Swap sometimes doesn’t trigger or glitches out.
All of this makes judging the technological features of the Aces difficult. On the side of being Bluetooth headphones - the ANC, connection possibilities/versatility, multi-device connection, head tracking/spatial audio support, and battery life, the Aces are a strong showing. On the Sonos side, your experience will be highly dependent on your current Sonos setup, source setup, how you like to navigate your music library, your level of patience to receive updates, and your trust/level of care for when/if Sonos will release an update that breaks something between your Aces and your existing setup or releases a new speaker that doesn’t work with the Aces. These are all considerations that again make the $450 asking price seem steep when there are other options in the market with equal or greater capabilities for a substantially lesser price. Grade: C-
Overall, I view the Aces as a solid pair of Bluetooth headphones, and as Bluetooth headphones for day-to-day needs, they are worth considering, though arguably not the best value in terms of overall sound quality and features. The AirPods Max, Sennheiser Momentum 4 Wireless, Sony WH-1000XM5 and Bose Quiet Comfort Ultra all bring comparatively good sound and feature sets at the same or a substantially lower price. Whether that premium is worth it because of the Sonos interplay, well, your mileage may vary, depending on your setup. They have the potential to be pretty great for some, while at the same time being annoying for some - hard to hate, hard to love. I hope this review was helpful for those taking a look at these or building a Sonos ecosystem in general. Happy listening!

I've (59f) always had joint, skin, and other various problems. During the last year, I've been getting a rash between my finger, that starts with itching, then turns red with blisters, swelling and peeling. It heals after about two weeks and starts all over again.
I found through Google that it looks a lot like eczema and sometimes nickel is the culprit, a long with other things.
While continuing down the rabbit hole, systemic nickel allergy came up, so I looked up foods that have nickel.
I have been trying to eat healthier, so have been taking supplements and eating a plant based diet.
Ironically, I feel horrible on my journey trying to improve my health. My whole body is funky. Skin, joints, stomach, etc...
I will make an appointment to have this checked, but just wondering if anyone else thinks this could be from nickel and if there are good resources to check out that might help. Thanks.

PF: https://imgur.com/a/3PpQVce
I provide insurance and/or signature confirmation at your request and cost. I am responsible for getting your package scanned by USPS; once it has been scanned you are liable for the package. More info at bottom
I WILL NEVER ACCEPT CRYPTO. For many reasons. I also would warn users against using crypto to make purchases. If you ever are scammed, money sent through paypal, venmo, cashapp, zelle etc almost always ends up in a bank account that can be traced. There is some level of accountability. The same cannot be said for crypto (also physical cash, money order, for the sake of thoroughness). There is my two cents. Thanks for listening to my ted talk. Sale below:
Rare Russian Empire Silver https://imgur.com/a/5rzEcIT
1837 5 Zloty 3/4 Rouble - $90
1757 Livonia 4 Kopek - $110
Freshest Slabs https://imgur.com/rmuZHMa
1839 Seated Liberty Quarter PCGS VF25 - No Drapery - $300 https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49376069
1962 Washington Quarter - Type B Reverse MS64 - $35 (wholesale bid 30) https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49376071
1938 Walking Liberty Half MS65 - Previously PCI MS65 (crack out) - $310 https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49376080
1882 S Morgan Silver Dollar MS65 - Prev NGC 64 (crackout) $165 - https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49376079
1882 O/S Vam 3 Flush - AU55 -Available BELOW Wholesale Bid $145 https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49376076
Fresh Slabs (Non Morgan)
1917 Mercury Dime MS64FB - https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49376121 - $170 (PCGS Guide 250 Bid 160)
1944 Mercury Dime MS67FB https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49377934 $485 (PCGS 775 Bid 420)
1934 D Walking Liberty Half MS63 https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49376122 $290 (425/260)
1811 Capped Bust Half (Lovely Circ Cam, Amazing Surfaces) VF30 Small 8, O-110a - $330 (450/275) https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49376146
1809 XXX Edge Capped Bust O-110 (rarer variety R4+) F15 - $380 (550xxx (525 O-110 (needs to be updated)/(300 xxx /(360 for O-110) https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49376145
Fresh Slabs (Morgan)
1883 MS64 - $85 https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49376123
1888 O MS64 - $90 Lovely Original Tone/Look https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49376124
1899 S MS64 - Available BELOW Wholesale Bid ($1100) $1075 TV: https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49377935
Raw BU Morgans https://imgur.com/a/dUEeY0J
1880 S #1 - $54 https://imgur.com/Mw7yDRU
1880 S #2 - $58 https://imgur.com/PoVmehk
1904 O (light tone top left obv) - $52 https://imgur.com/lCU3QeX
1904 O (white) - $54 https://imgur.com/K92zhAH
1904 O Semi PL - Blue tone at top - $65 https://imgur.com/BlpR3Ro
Silver spot is $29.20 at time of post:
World silver has a $100 min purchase or the rest of a lot
Canada maple leaf lot https://imgur.com/a/JNlsKff $3.80 face (7 quarters, 14 dimes, 13 5 cents) - many culls/damaged - almost all with dates, good number of victoria - $95
Mixed World Lot - https://imgur.com/a/n5onFIA some culls, some old, good variety 3.65 troy ounce gross weigh (mostly 80/90% silver - so probably approx 3 oz asw) - $120
80% Canada Coins https://imgur.com/mMz3Fcs
54.75 face value in quarters available @ 2% below spot (spot x .98x .6 per face value) https://imgur.com/VpMJpem
$1 face would be $17.169
50% world silver Mystery bag by the troy ounce (mostly 1968 cad, post 1920 UK, and other stuff) - @ 97% of spot - 27 185 troy ounce available Sample: https://imgur.com/xQ84qCV https://imgur.com/GSNFV7i
Priced Y (how many troy ounces you want) x 29.20 x .5 x .97
So 10ozt would be 10 x 29.20 x .5 x .97 = 141.62
1950 Proof Set: https://imgur.com/J4omy8Q Grades by denom: 66RD/66/67/67/66 - $855
Trueviews:
https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49376110
https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49376111
https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49376112
https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49376113
https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49376114
1951 Proof Set https://imgur.com/NgXGfA0 Grades by denom 66RD/66/67/65/66 - $550 -
Trueviews:
https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49376115
https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49376116
https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49376117
https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49376118
https://www.pcgs.com/cert/49376119
Slabs https://imgur.com/a/w0QhBiZ
1881 S OGH PCGS MS63 Morgan - $65 (You cant beat this price)
1904 O MS65 NGC Morgan - Amazing Surfaces - $160
1853 $1 Gold NGC MS61 - $375
1903 $2.50 Gold PCGS MS65 - $715
Misc https://imgur.com/a/GzBfVop
1923 BU Peace some tonig - $35
Ancient Silver Coin - $35
1875 S 20 cent Strong VF - $190 [pic in above album]
1956 1/2 Mint Set AMAZING TONING - $110 Vid: https://imgur.com/cNzDQL0
1955 1/2 Mint Set AMAZING TONING - $90 Vid: https://imgur.com/JgY0KBo
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END OF POST
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before anyone starts bragging, i didnt knew 😭, so long story short i was running late for an event so not knowing i excesively rubbed my face with facewash and now there's a big pimple or acne type thing (pinkish in color) on left side and some small pimples on right side and burning sensation on the face, i want to know if it can go away on its own and how long might take cuz as a guy i dont use anything except soap and facewash, i'd appriciate some serious help :(

Hello Everyone!
My name is Vinícius, I'm from Brazil and I have some history here in "Gift of Games", as I have requested "Diablo 4" 22 times, "Helldivers 2" 8 times and more haha!
​
What is Shin Megami Tensei V: Vengeance
SMT V: Vengeance is a very hard, strange and interesting JRPG, it has some dark themes that make it stand out from the majority of games on this genre.
The game features a monster catching system(more like demon catching in this case) that enables you to recruit, improve and fuse demons that you find everywhere. It is very unique because for you to recruit them you have to chat with them, and sometimes it doesn't work like you expected, the demons may not want to join you or maybe they even want to trick you into giving them something and just vanishing after, the outcomes are very funny sometimes.
This is the first SMT game to feature an exploration system WITHOUT random encounters, and this is one of the best advantages of this game over the others, cause everybody knows how bad random encounters can be in some situations right?
Talking about exploration, this is a very fun aspect of SMT V for me, I really love that they made this a very important part of the game, you have many items, enemies and secrets to find on every part of the map, and it makes for some very good change of pace from the battles.
The newer version improves the game in many ways, it has a lot of QOL features, 60 fps, better textures, but the biggest difference is a totally new campaign, since most fans thought it was the weakest point of the original version.
​
Why Shin Megami Tensei V: Vengeance?
I'm a very big JRPG fan and have been for many years, I like many of the old ones and also newer ones, but I'm specificaly found of the ATLUS games like the SMT and Persona series. They have such a personality that you can always be sure that they are made by ATLUS the moment you see a frame of it. This is also a very big game, so I will certainly get many hours of fun out of it as I plan to do a 100% completion! 😎
I have been waiting to play this game since 2021 when it released, since I don't have a Nintendo Switch, but it feels like even more time and I'm sure it will be worth it to now play it at 60fps and with much better graphics.
​
Why can't I buy it?
All games are very expensive here, I live in a small town in Brazil, a country in which the AAA games cost R$ 300(our currency is called Real) or even more(SMT V is R$319), and the minimum wage is R$ 1.412, so it costs a big % of the minimum wage, it's absurd. I am a photographer who is still trying to make a living of it, I had many jobs before but some fired me and some I just could not keep up because they had a huge tow on my mental state. From my experience the only job that could maintain me without destroying my mental is photography, I just love it, and I took too long to realise that I could do something important with it. But the point is that not only AAA games, but all game prices here went up really fast on the last few years, and it's impossible to keep up with it. I am struggling at the moment to acomplish my objectives professionaly, and I believe that this game may make my days a little easier.
But the most important reason why I can't buy it is that my city right now is going through the biggest natural catastrophe the country has ever seen. I live in Pelotas, in the state of Rio Grande do Sul, and we have many cities very close that were completely vanished because of a flood, and I mean that literally, some cities will now cease to exist because everything was consumed by water. The situation here is sad, we have never seen something of that magnitude in our lives, if you want to have an idea just search about it and watch some videos, it's devastating...
Now my city is also starting to suffer because of the flood, I think my house is probably safe for now, but now I can't even work, nobody can do anything until this passes, and even after that, we will have to deal with the problems that will appear. Some people lost everything they had, some people lost their family, their pets, the whole country is trying to help but there is no way to really stop it now.
So I basically just want this game to keep me sane during these dark times that we are living here, I know it will not make life easier, but it might bring me a little more joy so I can face the problems in a better shape than I am right now.
​
I think I don't have anymore to say, so I just hope someone reads this poorly written but full of sincerity text. 😁 Thank you SO much for giving me the opportunity to ask for something like this, you have no idea how much this means to me and how surprised I am that we have some people here with that kind of generosity!
Shin Megami Tensei V: Vengeance
Steam Profile

In the heart of Rochester, a mysterious super mutant gene known as The Catalyst began to spread like wildfire. This gene unlocked latent powers within ordinary humans, transforming them into super mutants with extraordinary abilities. As The Catalyst gene continued to proliferate in Rochester, a similar phenomenon was unfolding on the West Coast, in California.

Chapter 1: The Outbreak

In a state-of-the-art laboratory nestled in the hills of California, scientists were on the verge of a groundbreaking discovery. They were experimenting with a deadly virus known as the Virox Plague, attempting to harness its properties to create a cure for all diseases. However, something went terribly wrong. The Virox Plague mutated and escaped containment, spreading rapidly and causing a catastrophic outbreak.
Those infected with the Virox Plague underwent horrifying transformations. They became super mutants, but with a ghastly twist—they developed an insatiable hunger and an immunity to all diseases. These transformed humans, now referred to as Virox Zombies, could consume anything to satisfy their ravenous appetites. The Virox Plague had created a new breed of super mutants who were more monster than human.

Chapter 2: The Containment

The government acted swiftly to contain the outbreak. In a secluded neighborhood on the outskirts of Los Angeles, a massive warehouse complex known as Containment Unit 42 was converted into a holding facility for the Virox Zombies. This high-security facility was designed to ensure that none of the infected could escape. Massive steel doors were locked from the outside, and the perimeter was secured with electric fences and armed guards.
Inside Containment Unit 42, the Virox Zombies roamed aimlessly, their hunger never truly sated. Among them was a young girl named Zara. Unlike the other infected, Zara retained a spark of intelligence and self-awareness. She was smarter and more cunning than her fellow zombies, and she refused to succumb completely to the mindless hunger that consumed them.

Chapter 3: Zara's Resolve

Zara stood out from the others not only because of her intellect but also because of her attire. The government mandated that all Virox Zombies wear the same drab, government-issued jackets. Yet, Zara managed to maintain a sense of individuality, pairing her jacket with a variety of outfits she found within the warehouse. To her, these clothes were a reminder of her humanity, a semblance of normalcy in an otherwise chaotic existence.
Zara often found herself at odds with the other zombies. When they fed, it was a savage, frenzied affair, resembling a pack of ravenous wolves. But Zara held back, her mind constantly seeking a way out, a way to be understood and perhaps even cured.

Chapter 4: The Escape Plan

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. Zara's intelligence and curiosity grew stronger. She began to explore the boundaries of Containment Unit 42, studying the routines of the guards and the weaknesses in the security systems. She believed that there was more to her condition than the mindless hunger and the monstrous appearance. Deep down, she felt that she and the other Virox Zombies were still human, deserving of understanding and compassion.
One evening, Zara overheard a conversation between two scientists who were conducting routine checks inside the facility. They spoke of a potential antidote, a serum that might reverse the effects of the Virox Plague. Zara knew that this was her chance. If she could find the serum, she could prove that the Virox Zombies were more than just mindless creatures.

Chapter 5: The Breakout

Zara spent the next few weeks meticulously planning her escape. She observed the guard shifts, memorized the security codes, and identified the least monitored sections of the facility. She shared her plan with a small group of fellow Virox Zombies who still retained fragments of their former selves. Together, they formed a pact to break free and find the antidote.
One stormy night, Zara and her group made their move. Using their combined strength and Zara's cunning, they managed to breach the security systems and overpower the guards. As the alarms blared and chaos erupted, Zara led her group through the maze-like corridors of Containment Unit 42, heading towards the lab where the antidote was kept.

Chapter 6: The Antidote

The journey to the lab was fraught with danger. Zara and her group faced numerous obstacles, including heavily armed guards and automated defense systems. But their determination and Zara's leadership kept them focused. Finally, they reached the lab, where they found the serum that could potentially cure them.
With the antidote in hand, Zara and her group made their way to the exit. The facility was on high alert, and escape seemed nearly impossible. Yet, Zara's belief in their cause fueled their resolve. In a final, desperate push, they fought their way through the remaining guards and burst out of Containment Unit 42 into the cold, dark night.

Epilogue

Zara and her group fled into the wilderness, carrying the hope of a cure with them. They knew that their journey was far from over. The world outside was filled with fear and misunderstanding about the Virox Zombies. But Zara was determined to find a way to reverse the effects of the Virox Plague and prove that even in the darkest of times, humanity could prevail.
As they disappeared into the night, the story of Zara and the Catalyst Chronicles began to spread. They were no longer just monsters; they were survivors, fighting for a second chance at life and redemption. And in the end, they hoped to show the world that even a super mutant could retain their humanity.

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I may overthink all of this, but having wanted to become a femboy for years, yet progress being so slow I might never have my ideal body until I’m too old to look & feel cute, I think that takes a very unhealthy toll on my mental health.
I have nobody in real life to talk to openly about this, as I feel like my manly looking self would sound ridiculous wanting to become a femboy in front of anyone, due to me looking like a rectangular piece of shit.
My skin is horrible and hyper sensitive so shaving it makes it ugly, irritated and all red overall, with hairs still visible despite being smooth and all. My face is simply unsaveable, with the structure of it as well as the hairs problem becoming unbearable to maintain, also slows my progress down. And I have no idea how to apply makeup at all, I refuse to follow any YouTube tutorial as I feel like it better suits other skins and faces than mine. I’m losing weight yet still looking like I lost none which irritates me.
Despite all of this, my mind keeps wanting to look feminine, even though it knows that no one would accept it irl, as i’m pretty sure they are way too used to my manly fucking self. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it

All things come to an end. But some only lie still, forgotten
This book is fantastic. I've been wanting to say that since I finished it a few days ago. There are books that you see mentioned all the time and to some extent you think "i'm sure its good, but there's probably some exaggeration in there as well". You expect to be let down and try not to get your hopes up too high. Because there's nothing worse than having high expectations and being let down. Well, The Blade Itself is a case where high expectations are well earned. The start was a bit slow for me. Random guy gets attacked in the woods by some monsters, then falls off a cliff. I was wondering "Ok. Where are we going with this? Is he the protagonist or just a walking dead guy meant to show the tone of the story?" But from that introduction this grows into a truly epic tale set in kind of a harsh world in which you'll see a growing war, magical powers returning, and different political players seeking to take advantage wherever they can. If I had to throw three important words out to describe this book it would be Action, Characters, Intrigue.
This isn't some power fantasy where the protagonist is getting into fights every chapter and steamrolling all of his opponents. But when he, or anyone else, gets into a fight it's a real, no holds barred, tip of the nose, bloody fight. Political/social intrigue is just as important, if not more so, because this is a case where the plot focuses heavily on the actual politics involved in running different organizations and gradually building toward, what seems like it'll be, a new world war. And at the heart of everything it's the point of view characters that bring it all together and make you want to keep reading. Kudos to the author for actually making them all distinct. There are a few similarities between some of them, but this isn't a story in which you'll be confused when switching from one to the other.

Thoughts

It's a sorry fact that the man who strikes first usually strikes last
In my opinion, this story is kind of a giant subversion on classic fantasy tropes. I'd say the "main" protagonist is Logen Ninefingers, a viscious northman with a bloody past who seems to be trying to change for the better. But that past keeps coming back to bite him as he associates with old enemies and, more importantly, comes into contact with the mage Bayaz who wants to use Logen for unknown reasons. And that's one major subversion right there. Bayaz and Logen come into contact because Bayaz sent his apprentice to find Logen. Bayaz didn't do it himself. Bayaz and Logen aren't old friends. Bayaz didn't know Logen's father (Or if he did it isn't mentioned here). Bayaz knows of Logen, needs him for something, and sends someone to fetch him. He does the same with another protagonist from a different region of the world named Ferro Maljinn. In fact, the group of companions that has formed by the story's end were all gathered by Bayaz, mostly through him sending his proxies to find them. And he clearly has some mystical quest planned for them all, but this isn't a story about destiny or fate leading a group together. It's not about friends reuniting or one man gradually gathering a group of trusted friends who he saves on his way. It's all the manipulations of Bayaz setting these characters up to follow him, as if he's moving chess pieces on a board. And its brilliant.
Bayaz himself is not the stereotypical wise wizard. Instead you have this solidly built, bald, arrogant man who will set a group of men on fire, be physically taxed by it, and keep going on his merry way. He's not providing words of wisdom, he's speaking in riddles and keeping his cards close to the chest. He looks down his nose at his apprentice constantly and clearly believes he knows what's best for everyone. In turn you have Logen who is trying to be better, but constantly struggling to do so and by the story's end he completely loses it to what could be called a more bloodthirsty alter ego (The Bloody Nine) who proceeds to kill the enemies before him like a maniac. Ferro, who in another story might be a noble freedom fighter after having escaped slavery, is in some ways just as harsh as Logen, seeking to cause as much harm as possible to the people she despises (And notably being pretty damn racist as well lol). None of these characters, and there are more I haven't mentioned, are who you'd expect them to be in a classical fantasy novel, but it's handled so damn well and I love it.

Points of View

Why do I do this? Why?
Apart from Logen and Ferro there are 4 other point of view characters.
Collem West, an aging soldier from a poor background
Dogman, a northman who was in a group with Logen right as things went to shit at the story's start
Sand dan Glokta, former soldier, current cripple and member of the King's Inquisition
Jezal dan Luthar, nobleman and aspiring swordsman who is too lazy for his own good
I'll say that Ferro absolutely gets the least amount of focus, probably followed by the Dogman right after. Collem and Jezal are actual friends at the story's start, so even when you're following one of them the other will often appear as well. Glokta will pop up in their segments too, and vice versa, since all 3 of them are located in the same city. Overall, i'd say this is an excellent example of handling different points of view properly. It isn't just because the characters have major differences between them, it's about how the writing divides page time between all of them. Furthermore, there's an overarching story that all of their narratives play into even though individually they aren't aware of this. It's fun to see something like Jezal reacting to Bayaz, wondering why the Mage seems so interested in him, and right afterward you have Glokta looking into Bayaz to see if he is who he says he is. Things like that not only kept me interested, it built my interest in the story as it went on because I wanted to see which characters would end up interacting by the story's end.

Logen

Mercy, the man was like a child. A six and a half food child with a face like a butchers block
All of the characters are great and could have carried a story on their own, but i'd like to take a moment and say Logen was my favorite. There's something so tragic about this guy who has clearly lived a bloody life, references it often in almost everything he says or does, who does seem like he wants to change, but clearly can't change. A really interesting segment was when he first arrived in Adua, the nation's capitol. Having always lived in a completely different land that has a suitably different climate and landscape he reacts as you'd expect him to. He panics. He is lost in a crowd, finds it to be stifling hot, doesn't understand the way people react to him or how they treat one another. I'd say he was on the verge of passing out from a panic attack to be honest. He is a foreigner in a strange land and he reacts as such. It's a generally small moment in the entire book, but it's one of my favorites because it shows a level of thought that you don't see from every author. That's how a character like Logen should be reacting, but more often than not things like this aren't even touched upon. And when he's trapped by enemies at the end with no hope of escape, wounded and covered in blood, he finally loses it. The beast inside himself that he hid away the entire time finally comes out and you can see why his enemies who know him tried to get rid of him. You can see why he does want to move beyond that and why he is adamant that the world probably would have been better off without him. I'm repeating myself, but it's all done so well and I love it.

Conclusion

The blade itself incites to deeds of violence
I'm willing to say that if the next 2 books in this trilogy are written as well as this one i'd place the series on my list of favorites. There's so much i'm not mentioned, but I was very impressed and it was a pleasure to read. Sometimes when reading a book can feel like a chore, because you're not really enjoying it but you want to finish it. This is a case where I became a kid again, staying up later and later to read one more chapter, my mind constantly turning over the events of the book to wonder what would happen next. I was lost in this story and it was actually fun to read. Very violent, bloody, and sure to have a bittersweet ending when all is said and done (I have the feeling that both Logen and Collem will probably die), but absolutely fun. I suggest it to anyone who enjoys stories like Game of Thrones/A Song of Ice and Fire or books with multiple POV characters for you to follow.