I, 29, female, married my 32, male, husband 3 years ago.
I met my husband about 6 years ago while I was in my last year in university and he was in the workforce. I attended university in my home state. I lived on campus and had an on-campus job working as a barista. During my last year, I met a new co-worker named Alex, male, who I quickly became friends with. Alex was one year below me and lived 30 minutes away from my hometown. Most of my coworkers were pretty close so it was not unusual for us to spend in between class time together, or even spend the night at each others dorm rooms. Nothing sexual, just movies, junk food, and good vibes.
Prior to meeting my now husband, I was pretty deep into the online dating scene but was growing very tired of the charades. I frequently told Alex about my endeavors and he would often offer me good advice on the dating scene. Alex had recently broken up with his girlfriend of 4 years so we kind of understood each other in that way. Early on in our friendship, we both established that we were not interested in each other, and only liked each other as friends.
Alex and I told each other everything. We talked about of pasts, about our dreams, and everything in between. We spent countless shifts together and spent many hours binge-watching our favorite tv shows.
At the beginning of the spring semester, my 6- month long situationship broke it off with me, and I was devastated. I confided in Alex and cried all night long in his dorm room. For some reason, his attitude and tone were different that night. He was judging me for online dating and being sexually active outside of a relationship. He told me, "this is the reason that I don't have sex with a girl I'm not dating, because then they become attached." I was so devastated at the break up and even more with Alex's words. I did not have the courage to tell him that his words were hurting me.
Fast forward to a few weeks later, I met my now husband online. Things were great, and as my relationship with my husband grew, I slowly stepped away from my university friendships and with Alex. Alex never met my husband while we were in university as my husband lived about an hour away, but he heard all of the stories, and followed along on social media. Alex was very supportive the whole way through.
As the school year came to an end, I prepared myself for the usual end of school year rituals. Since Alex was not graduating with me and our other friends, I did not see him much. But since we lived only 30 minutes away from each other, I knew we would stay in touch. Right before graduation, Alex congratulated me on finishing my studies and finding a great man. This was the first time of the many times he would remind me of "the night you cried all night in my dorm room." I was shocked to say the least. Again, I did not have the courage to speak up about how his actions then, and now, were hurtful.
I graduated and began my first job soon after. Alex and I met for lunch a few times that year before he told me he would be moving to the other side of the country with his best friend after graduation. We said our good byes and he promised he would be back.
That year I moved in with my husband, and the next year we got engaged. Alex and I occasionally video called and messaged each other. When Alex finally came back into town, he made it a point to come see us in our new home and to celebrate us. At this point, it had been two years since Alex and I were baristas together in university. Naturally we drifted apart, but we were still friends. It was really nice to see him, but I no longer felt the same companionship I felt with him in university. Alex had mentioned that when my husband and I would get married, he would love to attend as my "brother." I found this title to be very odd as I do have three older brothers, all of whom I am very close to. But Alex explained that his relationship with his sisters was very strained, and he saw me as a sister. So I let it slide even though I was not so comfortable with calling him my brother.
Over the next two years, Alex and I really drifted apart. We rarely talked and when we did, it was usually just when he complimented my outfit or makeup on a picture I'd post. I did think it was a bit flirtatious, but I did not pay too much mind to it. After all we were friends, and I was his "sister."
Soon enough my husband and I picked a wedding date and announced our bridal party. One day, Alex calls me up and asks for the wedding details so he can fly in for our wedding. At this time, I really did not want to invite Alex to the wedding as I did not view Alex in the same way anymore. I could only invite such few friends as my husband and I both have large families and it felt like inviting him was cutting into our guest list. I invited some friends from university but none of our mutual barista friends. I could not gain the courage to tell him the truth, so I invited Alex to the wedding and the rehearsal dinner. I did state that he was not allowed a plus-one due to the aforementioned guest-list restraints; a decision I live to regret.
Since Alex still had relatives close by to my hometown (where the wedding was to be held), I knew him coming for the wedding would not be a big deal since his lodging and day-to-day schedule would most likely be with his family. Alex flew in 5 days before the wedding and insisted on spending atleast two nights at my house. That was the last thing I wanted to do during the week of my wedding. I convinced myself that Alex flew all the way across the country for my wedding, and the least I could do was spend some extra time with him. I was able to bring Alex down to one night as I had a very busy week scheduled with the rehearsal dinner on Friday night and the wedding on Saturday. Alex spent Wednesday night at my house where he, my husband, and I spent the night sharing two bottles of wine and playing board games. Alex was visibly more drunk than we were. Before the end of the night, Alex started falling over and tossing around some vintage collectibles I kept in my dining room as decor. I quickly brought him to our guest room, where I asked him to stay put for the rest of the evening. Alex left early the next morning without saying much. I was relieved to have him gone.
The rehearsal dinner came and went and Alex was a great guest. He did not have too much to drink and mingled with our families. I introduced him to everyone as, Alex, a friend from university. However, he would quickly interject with, "her brother." I think most of our families saw I was uncomfortable with the term, and only referred to him as Alex. Wedding day came and my husband and I were happily wed before our families and friends. Only our bridal party and closest relatives were invited to the photoshopt following the ceremony, but somehow Alex also came along. I did not pay too much mind, and figured, he did not want to arrive to the reception alone.
At the time I did not know, but my husband's best man, Bryan, brought a bottle of liquor to share amongst the groomsmen. In an effort to not have Alex be alone, Bryan asked him to join them.
By the time we got to the reception, everything went well. We all had a great time and Alex and I danced a song. He was very emotional during the dance and again, reminded me about the night I cried in his dorm room. He told me how happy he was that I can go from that night, to my wedding night. At this point I was very annoyed as I could tell he was visibly drunk. Again, I would later find out that Bryan and Alex would sneak off during the reception to do shots.
At the end of the night I was fed up with Alex and planned on heading back to the hotel where the rest of the bridal party was staying. I said my goodbyes to Alex and thanked him for flying out to my wedding. During our goodbye, my bridesmaid, Jess, surprised me with the news of a surprise after party at her and her sister, Kim's place just 10 minutes away. Alex immediately insisted on coming along as my "brother." I absolutely did not want Alex to come to the after-party but I could not get him to go home. I also could not give him to someone else to take care of as he really did not know anyone else. I told Alex he could only come if someone came to pick him up and take him to the party as he was too drunk to drive his car. Alex agreed and called a relative to pick him up.
My husband and I arrived at the after-party hosted by Jess. I was so happy that the party was low-key with only a few drinks, food, and a light crowd. After all, I spent the past day and a half hosting. We were all enjoying ourselves when Alex walks through the front door. Alex appears even more drunk and is slurring his words. I am immediately embarrassed and even more so that I could not put my foot down and tell him to go home. I welcome Alex in to the main room of the house and sit him on a chair and bring him some water. I am watching Alex from a distance making sure he's not getting into trouble. Jess approaches me a little while into the party stating that Alex is making Kim, her sister, uncomfortable. She told me that Alex asked Kim to dance, but she respectfully declined citing she has a boyfriend and he is in the other room. Alex did not accept that answer and insisted she dance with him. I angrily approach Alex and told him to leave Kim alone.
I bring Alex to a seat close to me so I can keep a closer eye on him. At this point, my feet are swollen from a whole day's activities and I had a hard time unlacing the straps on my heels. I asked Bryan to help me loosen my heel straps as my husband was in another room. Once Bryan unloosens my heel straps, Alex immediately crawls up to me and starts massaging my feet. I am horrified as is Bryan and everyone else in the room. I immediately pull my feet back and Bryan helps Alex up and puts him back in the chair. My husband comes back into the room and I tell him I want to go back to the hotel. I ask my husband to call a ride share for Alex, when Bryan tells me he saw Alex pull up in his own car. I am immediately angered at Alex's decision to drive his car while drunk, but also mad at myself for not standing up to him. I tell Alex I am leaving and he needs to leave his car at Jess' and pick it up in the morning. Alex insists he will be leaving soon and not to worry. Jess looked at me in my distress and told me not to worry, and that she would make sure he gets in a rideshare. As my husband grabbed my coat, Alex looked at me and said, "when the love of your life gets married to someone else." I was so incredibly angry with Alex. I was embarrassed, I was shocked, and I was so disappointed. I don't know if Alex meant what he said, or if he was just drunk, but I had enough of Alex. I left Alex at the part and went home with my husband.
The next day, I woke up around noon to a text message from Alex, thanking me for a great party, and wishing to extend gratitude to Jess and Kim for their hospitality. I immediately phoned Jess to recap the rest of the party. Jess informed me that Alex did not take a ride share the night before. He spent the night at Jess' as he passed out on the living room floor. Jess, to not further distress me, ended the night early, and cleaned up the house. In the morning, Jess and Kim woke up to find Alex had left the house very early in the morning, but not without leaving behind a surprise for them. Alex had vomited all over the bathroom; missed the toilet as he went #2; had 💩 smeared on the bathroom rug; and to top it off, Alex left his 💩 stained boxers on the bathroom floor.
My jaw hit the floor. I could not process the level of disgust that I felt for Alex. I apologized profusely to Jess and Kim and offered to come clean up immediately. They knew it was not fault, but I felt absolutely horrible for inviting this man into their home.
From that moment on, I decided to ghost Alex. No matter how much anger I felt towards him, I did not feel it was worth my time. I wanted nothing to do with him. I didn't block him initially, I just ignored his calls and texts. He eventually reached out to my husband, and that's when I blocked him and asked my husband to do the same. I still feel bad about ghosting Alex, because a part of me feels he does not remember what happened, and I should give him some closure. The other part of me realizes he's a drunk and ruined parts of my wedding and did horrible things at my bridesmaid's house. I want to reach out sometimes, but then I remember that Jess and Kim had to clean up his 💩 smears. Idk, AITA for ghosting my "brother" after my wedding?

DAY: MAY 31 2024
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HOW SCIENCE, MATH, AND TECH CAN PROPEL SWIMMERS TO NEW HEIGHTS

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SILICON VALLEY ISN’T THE START-UP UTOPIA WE THOUGHT, RESEARCH FINDS

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I WANT TO KEEP MY CHILD SAFE FROM ABUSE—BUT RESEARCH TELLS ME I’M DOING IT WRONG

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OVER 300 MILLION YOUNG PEOPLE HAVE EXPERIENCED ONLINE SEXUAL ABUSE, EXPLOITATION, FINDS METASTUDY

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CYBERFLASHING IS A FORM OF GENDERED SEXUAL VIOLENCE THAT MUST BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY

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VIRTUAL TRAINING MAY BE AN EFFECTIVE, COST-EFFICIENT OPTION FOR CHILD EDUCATORS

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HUMBLE LEADERS BOOST EMPLOYEES’ WORKPLACE STATUS AND LEADERSHIP POTENTIAL, FINDS STUDY

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WHY ARE GROCERY BILLS SO HIGH? A NEW STUDY LOOKS AT THE SCIENCE BEHIND FOOD PRICE REPORTING

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WILL GENERATIVE AI CHANGE THE WAY UNIVERSITIES COMMUNICATE?

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STUDY SHOWS RELATIVELY LOW NUMBER OF SUPERSPREADERS RESPONSIBLE FOR LARGE PORTION OF MISINFORMATION ON TWITTER

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HOW LIFE’S BIG MOMENTS CAN CHALLENGE STARTUPS

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RUDE AT WORK? FEELING GUILTY CAN MAKE YOU A BETTER, KINDER WORKER

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RESEARCHERS INTRODUCE A PLANETARY INCLUSION SCALE TO FOSTER BROADER ETHICAL THINKING

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‘LEAN IN’ MESSAGES CAN LOWER WOMEN’S MOTIVATION TO PROTEST GENDER INEQUALITY

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DIGITAL CAMPAIGNING IS A HUGE PART OF ELECTIONS NOW—BUT GOING VIRAL ISN’T EVERYTHING

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AMONG GEN Z AUSTRALIANS, 38% IDENTIFY AS SPIRITUAL AND HALF BELIEVE IN KARMA. WHY IS SPIRITUALITY SO POPULAR?

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RESEARCH EXAMINES HOW RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA LEGALIZATION AFFECTS A STATE’S COLLEGE ENROLLMENT

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5-31-2024

RESEARCH EXAMINES HOW RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA LEGALIZATION AFFECTS A STATE’S COLLEGE ENROLLMENT

New research has revealed up to a 9% increase in college first-year enrollments in US states that have legalized recreational marijuana compared with states without such legalization. The study, which is published in Economic Inquiry, found that the increase was from out-of-state enrollments, with early adopter states and public non-research institutions experiencing the most pronounced increases. Recreational marijuana legalization did not negatively impact degree completion or graduation rate, and it did not affect college prices, quality, or in?state enrollment. The findings suggest that some students perceive recreational marijuana legalization as
5-31-2024

HOW THE ‘MODEL MINORITY’ MYTH HARMS ASIAN AMERICANS

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5-31-2024

STUDY BRIDGES ANIMAL BEHAVIOR RESEARCH AND COMPUTER CODING TO ENGAGE CHILDREN IN STEM

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5-31-2024

STUDY SHOWS VR CAN HELP TEACHERS BETTER DISTRIBUTE THEIR GAZE

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5-31-2024

MARKETERS CAN MANAGE ‘FEATURE CREEP’ SO CONSUMERS FEEL LESS INTIMIDATED BY TOO MANY FEATURES IN A PRODUCT

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5-31-2024

RESEARCHERS EXPLAIN SOCIAL MEDIA’S ROLE IN RAPIDLY SHIFTING SOCIAL NORMS ON GENDER AND SEXUALITY

A new paper summarizing decades of research demonstrates how social media has supported an explosion of diversity in gender and sexuality in America during the 21st century, and also how these technologies have equally enabled a cultural backlash. The paper’s authors, UC Santa Cruz Psychology Department faculty members Phil Hammack and Adriana Manago, identified five main narratives about gender and sexuality that they believe emerged through social media as people have strived to be “authentic” on these platforms. The findings, along with resulting recommendations for psychology researchers and practitioners, were
5-31-2024

KEY FACTORS IN TRAINING ASSESSORS FOR ENHANCED PERFORMANCE RATINGS

New research is examining how organizations can improve their training programs by customizing frame-of-reference training to emphasize identifying negative behaviors critical to their goals. While assessors naturally identify positive behaviors, C. Allen Gorman, Ph.D., associate professor in UAB’s Department of Management, Information Systems and Quantitative Methods, says targeted training helps them recognize harmful actions that can hinder organizational objectives. Involving assessors in defining important performance dimensions and examples of behaviors, both good and
5-31-2024

STUDIES CHALLENGE WIDELY HELD BELIEFS ON APPLICANT DIVERSITY AND WOMEN IN THE WORKPLACE

Justin Frake is interested in cause-and-effect relationships in real-world data and the hidden dynamics that shape workplace behavior and equality—or inequality, as the case might be. His curiosity has led to research that challenges some popular beliefs as well as published studies related to women in the workforce. One study shows that firms promoting flatter hierarchies inadvertently discourage female applicants and another study counters several recent studies that claim women CEOs negatively impact career outcomes of other women. Both are published in the Strategic Management Journal. The assistant professor of
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CHALLENGING LEWIN’S MOTIVATIONAL CONFLICTS THEORY

A recent series of experiments challenges the longstanding theory of motivational conflict resolution introduced by Kurt Lewin. According to Lewin, conflicts between two undesirable outcomes (avoidance–avoidance conflicts) are typically harder to resolve than those between two desirable ones (approach–approach conflicts). Lewin posited that avoidance–avoidance conflicts, where individuals must choose between two undesirable outcomes, are typically more challenging to resolve compared to approach–approach conflicts, which involve choosing between two desirable options.
5-31-2024

MEN WITH ‘TOXIC MASCULINITY’ ARE MORE LIKELY TO MAKE SEXUAL ADVANCES WITHOUT CONSENT, STUDY FINDS

No means no when it comes to sex. But what happens when a woman makes a more passive response to a sexual advance? According to new research from Binghamton University, men differ in how they interpret these types of responses, and men who display hostile masculinity, known commonly as “toxic masculinity,” tend to act on them regardless of whether or not they think it’s consensual. A team of researchers, including Binghamton psychology professor Richard Mattson and graduate student Michael Shaw asked men between the ages of 18–25 to respond to
5-31-2024

WHY WE DEHUMANIZE OUR POLITICAL OPPONENTS

Some of human history’s greatest atrocities—genocide, slavery, ethnic cleanings—are rooted in our ability to dehumanize people from other social, political, or cultural groups. Whereas prior research has traced dehumanization to the belief that others think or feel less than we do, new research co-authored by Haas professor Sameer Srivastava shows that our tendency to dehumanize can also be influenced by how we think others view important facets of the world. The greater the difference between our perceptions of an outgroup’s worldview
5-31-2024

STUDY SUGGESTS CHILDREN ARE OFTEN EXPOSED TO PROBLEMATIC CLICK BAIT DURING YOUTUBE SEARCHES

When a child peruses YouTube, the content recommended to them is not always age appropriate, a new study suggests. Researchers mimicked search behaviors of children using popular search terms, such as memes, Minecraft and Fortnite, and captured video thumbnails recommended at the end of each video. Among the 2,880 thumbnails analyzed, many contained problematic click bait, such as violence or frightening images, according to the Michigan Medicine led research in JAMA Network Open. “Children spend a significant amount of time on free video sharing platforms that include user-generated content,” said
5-31-2024

STUDY FINDS WOMEN ARE VULNERABLE IN POST-WAR PEACE PROCESSES

Post-war peace processes are a dangerous period for women. Many are forced to live close to men who committed serious abuse during the war or are expected to testify in various types of truth commissions, which can be both retraumatizing and stigmatizing. These are the findings of a new study by peace researchers at Uppsala University, published in the journal PLOS ONE. “In short, peace projects can force women to live side by side with ex-combatants who committed atrocities during the war. This puts them at risk of further threat
5-31-2024

HOW EMBRACING THE CRINGE CAN HELP YOUR DATING LIFE

We can all agree that dating is hard. Getting to know people can feel vulnerable, but at the same time, exciting. We can also agree that feeling rejected can be one of the worst feelings, especially after we put ourselves out there. Dating can also expose us to a lot of cringey things, maybe even something we didn’t know we’d consider cringey. Think of cringe like something that makes you uncomfortable, or something about someone else that you don’t find attractive. Before dating, most of us consider what we’re looking
5-31-2024

PERSONAL CONNECTIONS AT WORK POSITIVELY IMPACT RETENTION AND MENTAL HEALTH, SAYS REPORT

New survey results from Wiley suggest people still feel connected at work despite the prevalence of hybrid and remote work environments and the rise of artificial intelligence (AI). According to the latest Wiley Workplace Intelligence report, “Human Connection: The Crucial Secret to Thriving in the Digital Age,” nearly 8 in 10 employees surveyed (78%) said they feel connected with their coworkers, and almost 7 in 10 (69%) said they also enjoy making connections with their colleagues. Around half even said they want to learn more about their coworkers by doing
5-31-2024

RESEARCHER DEVELOPS MODEL OF INFLUENCER IMPORTANCE WITHIN INSTAGRAM NETWORKS

A study has provided new insights into social media influencers, particularly focusing on those in the women’s fashion sector on the well-known image and video sharing platform Instagram. In a departure from the approach taken by earlier studies, Jens K. Perret of the International School of Management in Cologne, Germany, has used network statistics and centrality measures to establish a model of influencer importance within their network. Perret analyzed data from 255 influencers covering a four-year period. Influencers are loosely
5-31-2024

MOST PEOPLE TRUST ACCURATE SEARCH RESULTS WHEN THE STAKES ARE HIGH, STUDY FINDS

Rank (X-axis) does not affect the evaluation of trustworthiness (Y-axis, mean-centered) of accurate results. This lack of relationship is robust across experiments (columns) and for clicked results (top row, red) as well as non-clicked results (bottom row, blue). The trend lines represent the predicted change in trustworthiness ratings per unit decrease in rank fitted by the linear regression models. Credit: Scientific Reports (2024). DOI: 10.1038/s41598-024-61645-8 Using experiments with COVID-19 related queries, Cornell sociology and information science researchers found that in a public health emergency, most people pick out and click
5-31-2024

MISLEADING COVID-19 HEADLINES FROM MAINSTREAM SOURCES DID MORE HARM ON FACEBOOK THAN FAKE NEWS, STUDY FINDS

Despite the greater potency of “fake news” on Facebook to discourage Americans from taking the COVID-19 vaccine, users’ greater exposure to unflagged, vaccine-skeptical content meant the latter had a much greater negative effect on vaccine uptake. Credit: Jennifer Allen, Duncan Watts, David G. Rand Since the rollout of the COVID-19 vaccine in 2021, fake news on social media has been widely blamed for low vaccine uptake in the United States—but research by MIT Sloan School of Management Ph.D. candidate Jennifer Allen and Professor David Rand finds that the blame lies
5-31-2024

CRITICAL DIALOGUE HELPS STRAIGHT MEN CONFRONT SEXIST, HOMOPHOBIC BELIEFS

Adult heterosexual men with sexist and homophobic views can potentially improve their attitudes toward gay men and women by engaging in critical dialogues that use illustrations as a springboard, according to a new University of Michigan study. The work is published in the journal Sexual and Gender Diversity in Social Services. The process by which people shift from a prejudicial stance to one of relative acceptance is a key innovation of the study. Guided by trained facilitators, critical dialogues reflect illustrations depicting different gender roles and sexual identities. The images
5-31-2024

RELIEVING A FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING

If you dread public speaking you are not alone. It is a leading social phobia, one that can cause a state of anxiety that reduces otherwise articulate people to nervous incoherence. A strong fear of public speaking is known as glossophobia. Academic studies estimate it affects 20% of the population, but depending on the sample and methodology, the figure could be as high as 40%. As American writer and humourist Mark Twain said, “There are two types of speakers: Those who get nervous and those who are liars.” But help
5-31-2024

HOW SOME PRIVATE COMPANIES ARE MARKETING TECH AND AI SOLUTIONS

How do universities and colleges decide who to admit? Given the earnings advantage of a post-secondary degree both globally and in Canada, this is an important social mobility question. While the answer varies from one institution to the next, most focus on education criteria like exam scores and grades. However, Canada’s new intake cap on study permit applications puts increased pressure on Canadian institutions to also consider immigration criteria when admitting international undergraduate students. This is just the latest example of immigration’s growing influence on the societal roles of Canadian

Let me preface this with the past 5 years summarized.
My wife used to smoke when I met her. She smoked when we were married, and for many years after. Due to health concerns, she decided to quit, and did so sometime around 2013.
We used to go away on holidays together as a family. In 2016 I took our son (13 at the time) on a road trip across a lot of the South and Western US States (CO, TX, UT, AZ, NM) while she went to another city to spend time with her daughter from another relationship. Since then, we did not go on holidays or take vacation together at the same time.
In 2017 I went away with our son, and again in 2018 and 2019. Sometime around 2019 I noticed my wife was smoking again, but I decided not to bother her about it, just let it be. I didn't say anything. She would leave to go to the store to smoke, because who goes to the store 2x every day?
She got into the car cruise nights and she would take her daughter along with her. Our son would ask to go, and she would often say no, she had already promised her daughter. Sometimes she would let him go.
She never wanted me to go with her, and in fact said so with excuses all the time ("you don't like sitting in my car, you don't like being around other people a lot, you should have fun with our son playing games instead" you name it). In the fall of 2022, our son told her that we knew she was smoking, when I wasn't home. So at first the nightly shopping trips ceased, as she began smoking outside on the street.
In 2023, for our anniversary, I got her a present and sent her a nice text. She thanked me by text, and didn't do or say anything in return. For my birthday, she didn't get me a card, or a gift. For father's day, same thing, no card, nothing. I had asked her to go away with me on a trip, and she said no. So I took our son on another trip. We had to come home 4 days early because we got sick, and she was upset we arrived early. She had taken the same period off for her holidays without telling me, and was mad that she was off work when I would also be off work and at home.
For her birthday, she didn't want me to do anything or even take her out, and instead went out by herself on a cruise night. At least she said she was going by herself, I didn't verify.
I should mention that during our whole relationship, I have always shared my phone location with her, but she has never shared hers with me, even though I've asked. She said she doesn't trust location services on the phone and so didn't want to use it. Okay, fine. She never would let me see her phone, and she had a passcode she never wanted me to see. Also, we had ceased having any sex sometime around 2018, and stopped kissing each other shortly after.
In the fall of 2023, she wanted to go to a cruise happening in another city, one state over. I said I'd like to go, and it seemed like she wasn't pleased but also not showing it. I could just have been reading that wrong. We went, and checked in to our hotel for the night, and she sat on the couch beside me on her phone for hours. I tried talking and she didn't want to engage. I tried rubbing her back, and touching her and it was like touching a dead person, with no response. When I finally said that I thought maybe we could make love, she said she was too tired for that.
The next day, I told her I wanted to make love to her, and she said she would have to shower first, and when she came out of the shower, we made love. But it was different than it used to be.
She started going out again to the store more frequently, and then it became just going for a drive, or going for a walk after a drive, or just sitting in her car in some random parking lot for 6 hours listening to music (so she said).
Just before Christmas, she went to the car club dinner, and said I wasn't invited so I couldn't go along.
On New Year's Eve, she told me after supper, at 7pm, that she was going to a party that her friend was hosting, and that she wanted to go alone. I was quite upset over this, but didn't say anything. I just let her go, while I sat at home and cried.
The next week, she asked me to book a hotel room for her for middle of January, as she was taking a week of holidays. I was upset, wondering where this was leading, but I did it for her.
After her first night, I texted her and asked how she slept, and she said she didn't sleep well, was up at midnight because car alarms were going off in the parking lot, and she didn't get back to sleep until after 2:30am.
Our anniversary came, and I got her a gift, and sent her a text. She simply said "thank you for the gift" but nothing else. It seemed off, but not like this wasn't a trend. It was just, becoming more distant and off.
From the hotel stay, through until the end of February, she would be out for at least 4-6 hours every single night and the entire weekends. It was drinking with the girls from work (something she never did before) to coffee with a certain friend (we'll call her Nettie), out for a drive, etc. In the beginning of February, our son needed to go to the hospital, and he had texted her to take him, because I had already taken him 4 times in the prior 2 months. She showed up at home to pick him up, and on the way to the hospital, she was texting someone, with her phone held at an angle so he couldn't see. Several times they almost hit another car or went into the ditch.
Finally he shouted at her "who is so important that you're texting, that you're willing to kill us over?" and she angrily just slammed her phone down and said nothing.
On February 29, in the afternoon, she sent me an email that she was separating from me. I didn't see it until 7pm. She came home from work at around 6, and was really weird. I guess she didn't know I hadn't seen it yet. We decided on supper, and she went out to get the food and bring it home. While she was out, I saw the email.
She never gave me any reason why. Here was her email:

I have been unhappy for such a long time, and nothing seems to help us improve our relationship. I am sorry to say this, but this relationship isn’t bringing out the best in either of us so I’ve decided that I want to separate with the intention of reconciliation.
I feel like I don’t have any space in our house. I mentioned using the 2^nd bedroom for my painting and you said right away that you wanted to use it. I stopped even trying to do this.
I would like for you to take care of yourself and get some answers regarding your health and wellness.
Some of the steps I am taking include:
I am currently looking for a place of my own, so we both have space to work on our own stuff. I need time to reflect on myself and discover who I am again. I’m looking for peace within myself and feel I need to do this on my own.
I have opened my own account and my next pay check will be deposited into this account.
I am seeing a counselor.
In restarting our journey, I support your promise to clean up the basement and to sell the stuff. I am also hurting at this time, we both need to heal so we can continue.
I think it's best if we communicate through email for now. I will respond within 24 hours.

After this, she began asking me questions over several days about things, accounts, etc., and I reasoned she was seeing a lawyer. So I made an appointment and saw a lawyer, and we drafted a letter to send to her. In the meantime, before receiving that letter, she filed for divorce, with no possibility of reconciliation, and she filed to take all of my assets, and for a restraining and protection order. She filed to take the house, and have exclusive access to it, etc.
I began trying to figure out where this was all coming from. I started looking at the phone bills, something I had never done before. I reversed phone numbers she had called, and then saw that during the time she was at the hotel, she had zero phone calls, except for one. She received a call at 11:30pm on the first night she was staying there, The same night she mentioned she was awakened by car alarms when I asked how her night was.
Why did she get a phone call at 11:30pm, who was it? Why no other calls for the rest of her stay? People she would talk to knew she was away? She would typically have at least 3-5 calls minimum every single day on her phone.
Unfortunately, incoming calls don't have a call number listed, just that it is incoming. The call lasted for 2 minutes.
While she was 'separated' from me, but still living in the same home, she would not talk to me. At all. One evening, a few weeks after the divorce filing, she was texting someone, and at 9pm she went to bed. Half hour later she got up, and went out the door, and was gone for 2 hours, returning at 11:30pm, going straight to bed. Something she had never done before.
I was blindsided and struck by this separation, and then divorce. I mean, our marriage wasn't great for years, no sex, no intimacy, no "love", but I had figured she just needed some space. I gave her space.
One thing that happened 3 weeks before she separated from me, our son came to me, and told me that his mom was acting really weird for the past while. He said he had some ideas, but he didn't want to tell me because he didn't want to be wrong. I told him I already had ideas, and I had already talked to friends who gave me their opinion, and just spit it out. He said he thought she was cheating on me, and that it was possibly someone from the car cruise group. He told me about the texting incident while driving to the hospital.
Additionally, he told me the first time she took him to the car group, she told him MANY times "you don't have to worry about me, all of these people are married". He said at one point "why are you telling me that?" and she said "well, I didn't want you to think I'm seeing other people behind your dad's back".
On top of this, I had started checking up on her when she would say where she was going. And she wasn't going there. She said she went for coffee at a coworker's house, and when I went for a drive while she was there, I found she wasn't there. She also had texted me at least 8 times that she was going to see Nettie for coffee. Which is funny because I ran into Nettie a few weeks ago, and Nettie hadn't seen her since last summer, when my wife betrayed her trust somehow and walked out on their friendship.
Was my wife cheating on me? She refuses to talk to me. She is telling people lies, like saying that I came to the hotel and checked up on her while she was there, telling the front desk people to "call him if anyone goes to his wife's room". She has told people I know that I had accused her of cheating on me, and I wasn't trusting her, etc.
Is she just done with our marriage? I think it all fell apart 5 years ago, but I'm not entirely sure. The way she was with me, and at home was nearly the same until the day she gave me a separation email, as it was for the prior 5 years. Was she faking it for 5 years?
In the meantime, she has turned her daughter away from me. She and our son went out for the afternoon a couple of months ago, and she told him "isn't it so shitty what dad did to mom?". I didn't do anything... I don't get it.
If she comes crawling back to me, I will not get back together with her. She has proven now that she is 100% untrustworthy. And without trust, there can be no relationship.

From the log of Edward Price – Clerk for Diplomat Howard Weathers – 03.28.2803
I suppose a summary is in order for things to be clear. Humanity has a bit of a reputation as an odd lot in the galaxy. Most aliens don’t know really know what to think about us. You see, most aliens are actually somewhat boring, having fallen into galactic societal niches over thousands of years. The Atroxians are were space pirates, the Vontacruz own the casinos and travel cruise industries, and the Hordun operate the most efficient morgues this side of the galaxy – usually because of the Atroxians. But the Delridians? They are diplomats. And dare I say that they are the weird ones.
Delri Prima is the homeworld of the Delridians, a tall, lanky race who look like the grimdark cousins of a Star Wars Kaminoan. Brilliant medics, they apparently don’t see a difference between medical work and diplomacy, seeing both fields as the healing arts. Their medicocracy has a long list of accomplishments throughout the galaxy, enough that it’d look like an 18-hour credit reel on a movie. My guess is that they may have been the “Humans” of the galaxy preceding us before they finally settled, and rumors have it that the K’kituun Death Puppets are an ancient offshoot from their early days on the galactic stage.
But more to the point, after about 180 years on the galactic stage, Humanity has made a decent name for ourselves as the handyman and eccentric nerd. We are celebrated, thrown strange looks, worried glances, and altogether treated as small children. Though with the destruction of Axtroxia, they may want to worry about what will happen when we hit puberty. The Delridians have already been through that, though they were never as eccentric as we are.
They reached out to Humanity with a diplomatic frigate appropriately named Olive Branch about a year ago. I’ve learned they like to reflect the cultures they are talking to, so as to ease negotiations. Can’t imagine what the Atroxian equivalent was. Probably something like ‘Torn Heads’. Regardless, Diplomat Weathers was finally selected as the Earth delegate to talk on Delri Prima, and oh boy. That is a dark world. Like, bring a flashlight dark. I don’t know whether it is the slow spin of the planet, or the climate generators they have, but the entire twilight band is just dark and grey. It rains, and thankfully it is safe water, but it is eerie. From the embassy city they built to make us more comfortable, you can look out across the Delridian jungle and see the many other diplomatic cities slowly being devoured by the vines and trees.
The first night was fine, though I’m not sure any of us slept well. We were each provided a separate room or, well, house really. The entire city was made of a cold stone, themed after some old Italian city on Earth. The wind slipped through the narrow streets with a soft whistle, bringing with it a faint jungle fog. Somewhere down the street was a clattering window shutter, but with how much stone they used, and the strange alignment of the streets, you could hear a pin drop from eight blocks away!
Talks went well for the first three days as Diplomat Weathers and the Delridians got to know each other. I met with and discussed a number of cultural similarities with a member of the alien entourage, a Nurse Kelayo, when I wasn’t with the others in my group exploring the city. She was very proud of the settlement they built for us, but in our talks, she asked what we thought of the book. What book?
Well, after having a wonderful meal with my coworkers and some of the alien entourage, we said our farewells and parted ways. Kelayo was vague, but had explained how they had acquired a copy of the book, and that she hoped that we enjoyed the effort she put into it.

I didn’t look into it immediately when I returned to the lonely, lifeless house that was my quarters. Mark was my closest neighbor, and he was a block down. The Delridians, fresh from talks with the Hordun, thought we may want some privacy from each other. And while it is nice not having to hear Mark snore in the cabin like on the flight here, the house was a little… too private.
It was as I was preparing to turn off the light to go to sleep that I thought to look in the nightstand beside me. Kelayo had told us about the book, and when I opened the top drawer, it was indeed there. Sitting center and alone was an old Earth book of gnarled leather and no visible title. Whatever poor creature the Delridians had used to make the cover had terrible skin!
Opening the book, I found it to have been printed in an old dialect of English from before the Third World War, with some much older words I did not recognize. It certainly looked like it was printed in the archaic methods of old Earth, with wet ink instead of modern digital ink that provided touch-based pseudo-memoric context.
I began to flip through the pages of this strange book, turning up the brightness on the nightstand lamp to see better. The faded pages of the book looked sick and moldy, and my skin crawled just touching it, but the letters, despite the stains and grunge, seemed to pop from the page in crisp black. In fact, the ink was so black that it felt like I was staring into the void with each letter. Kelayo’s book was some archaic text of old Earth culture from the end of the 20^th century, though I did not recognize the name. Written by a Bishop Simon from some archaic cult or religion, the book functioned as a “spellbook” like a deepdive virtual reality fantasy game might have. It was filled with a plethora of gods I did not recognize, and a ton of phonetic gibberish that sounded good when said, but easily complicated.
I hadn’t gotten too far when I heard a man’s scream next to me. Jumping out of my skin, I found no one there. But I remembered where I was, and crept to the window. It was Mark’s voice, more panicky than I had ever heard him. Peeking through the slats of the window, I scanned the street towards Mark’s place. The light was on, and someone was shuffling down the street, murmuring in pain.
Rushing down to the street, I rushed out to help him. Mark’s mutterings were too quiet, and he was holding something to his chest. It may have been a minute before I collected myself and tried to get answers from him, but you have to understand, I’ve never seen a dying man before. Not in real life. In the dim and permanent gloom, I could barely make out the trail of blood behind him. He pleaded again and again, and I had to find out where he was injured, and what it was he was carrying.
I went to take what he held, only to realized that in my own fervor to aid him I still had that creepy book. I put that down to wrench free Mark’s own possession. I really wish I hadn’t, for his grip was weak, with only one hand. I held his other, and everything above it.
My own voice was the next I heard echoing down the street as I most certainly fell backwards. Sorry Mark, but I lost your arm. Well, your first one. The second is decorating some chandelier somewhere, courtesy of Vanessa.
Please understand that for anyone in my situation, gorey horror was never my fancy, and I hope no one in the auditing board holds it against me. I would bet credits that any of you would have done much the same as I did.
Time is… unreliable on Delri Prima, with its twilit band and gloom. The only thing that moves is that blasted fog. And the vines. Especially the vines. I’m not sure how long I ran, but Vanessa was the one to find me, flanked by a street littered with Human bodies. Far more people than joined us on the crew… I think. You might want to review the ship manifest just to be sure.
Vanessa, once she verified my identity, guided me through the littered street, still gurgling and reaching out to us. Give her a raise, by the way. She’s the one that got us out of there. We met up with Dwayne and Harry, both armed with metal pipes and whatever other junk they salvaged, and we retreated to a boarded up house with other surviving members of the crew. They were glad to see me, though I don’t remember who they were. Many were new faces to the ship for this mission.
We settled here for hours? A day? Our comms were filled with static, and we couldn’t reach Mr. Weathers to see if he was ok. We needed to get off this planet. Someone mentioned that the ship was still parked at the landing bay. All eyes turned to someone in the back of the group, who slowly stood up, her form long and lanky. Kelayo, the Delridian nurse.
Vanessa worked with Kelayo on a plan to move through the city to the landing bay, while the rest of us sought supplies. This house had a basement, connected to a series of tunnels which we would use to slip under whatever muttering, mumbling horrors pleaded us to come outside.
Slowly, and as quietly as we could, our train of survivors crept through the tunnels. Our flashlights that Ben had found were pathetically dim, and frequently flickered out, sounding with a loud clunk whenever someone whacked it awake. Icy water dripped from the long tangled hairs of wriggling moss that clung to and between the bricks, the lights illuminating white lice-like that lived within the tangle.
Splashing was the only sound we heard for a long time, along with someone’s horrid cough. He was in the back of the line, far behind me, but kept coughing and groaning. Others frequently shushed him, louder than he coughed. But for all the good their efforts to keep him quiet were, it paled in comparison to Kelayo’s odd excitement. When I inquired her about her unusual positivity, she admitted fascination over the many accounts of average Humans combatting the supernatural evils that threatened Earth. How we could survive on a planet infested with the dead with only equally dark magicks astounded her, despite our culture not having widespread knowledge or application of this means of survival. It was faint, but she had nodded at the book. Why did I still have this disgusting leatherback that seemed to shiver in the cold?
I apologize for any impact I may have had on diplomatic relations with the Delridians, but I said some uncouth remarks about the whole situation and the book. I flipped it open to a random page to give an example, forgetting in my annoyance just how dark it was in the tunnels. But that ink… that horrid archaic stain… was fully legible. I admit I came to a stop in awe, though shortlived as the train of people behind me bumped into me. That coughing was gone.
So were half the people we had been travelling with. Kelayo glanced around with a chitter. She was having too much fun with the spooky, and now we heard skittering and scrape scrape scraping on the bricks. Vanessa fired a shot down the tunnel and urged us to run, so we did.
We were near the landing bay when we ducked into a sideroom per Kelayo’s prompting, and shoved a convenient table in the way of the door. The skittering was above us on the ground floor too, and then someone grabbed my foot. It may have been Mark. Well, the part of Mark I dropped.
Long gnarled fingers covered in dirt were the hallmark of these freaky things. Human hands with a life of their own, skittering around like bugs as they fled the flashlight’s beam and sought dark corners. These shelters included their unholy wriggling up our pants and jackets, some grips strong and muscular, and others gentle and cautious. If you have ever had a massage, you may never want one again once a chilly, slimy, dismembered hand tries to nest between your shoulder blades.
Vanessa fired off a few shots in her desperate attempt to keep the grabby hands off, though she nicked Ben’s ear in the process. The loud noise scattered the skitterhands enough for us to fling the last few from our persons. Vanessa slammed the book I still carried, ordering me to read it. She had lost her copy early on, but had the gist of its contents.
The ink on the book was darkest on one particular page, with a weird symbol that looked like it said XOOD. An old-Earth linguist may understand it better than I. Kelayo was forced to provide guidance, as she was the expert on the book, and with many, many attempts, and a dark horde gathering upstairs, were ready to begin. Vanessa was out of shots in her gun, and Ben and Dwayne were futiley pushing back the horde of impossible crewmen. These people smelled horribly of rotten meat, and overtook Ben first, followed swiftly by Dwayne.
Vanessa had backed into a corner, clearly scared. I can’t blame her, since I was, too. But I couldn’t move, couldn’t join her in the false safety of the corner. The rotten crew… this dead crew, was in the room with us, and were already grabbing me. Amidst the noise and confusion, I could hear Vanessa being attacked behind me, and the dull nails of my own assailants tearing at my skin. Kelayo, her form thin and dark, simply stood amidst the dead.
Read it, she said.
Say it with all your heart.
I remember the word that pierced the world that day, but can’t remember saying it. But my throat burns whenever I utter it now. BARASHAKUSHU. The dead froze in place, their fingers dug deep into my skin. BARASHAKUSHU. Limp, lifeless, just as they should be. BARASHAKUSHU. The haze in the air, even in the basement, lifted. BARASHAKUSHU. Vanessa breathed deep as I pulled her from the bodies and out the house to the crowded, lifeless street.
We limped, though we did not bleed, filled with holes and grime, and caked in blood. Kelayo followed wraithlike behind us, always ten paces behind. The landing bay was before us. Our ship and salvation was before us.
Diplomat Weathers was fine, though alarmed at our state. Delridian doctors tended to us as we explained what happened. A full transcript is available via the ship’s DIA-Log.
When all was said and done, the Delridian diplomat thanked us for being so willing to open discourse. To celebrate successful talks between our species, he offered us a parting feast. He motioned Kaleyo over, who had apparently been tasked with researching Human culture for the talks.
She explained over dinner about how she had poured over a stunning variety of Human dishes from our many cultures, but that she had settled on one that appeared to be a universal favorite. An Italian dish of long, stringy noodles over their equivalent of a white cream sauce. And dinner was fantastic! But Kaleyo seemed confused as well, stating that she had a difficult time picking out the right recipe. The instructions were apparently all over the place with a lot of strange steps that seemed superfluous to food preparation.
I asked her what she meant, to which she replied, “The base ingredients were simple, almost mundane. Of note, the various rituals in the preparation exhausted many of our best doctors. Some are still seeking treatment after one batch escaped. You Humans have a very strange culture of food, especially with the names. I believe you called this one… creepy pasta?”
Then the meatball on my fork blinked at me.

i met a girl back in highschool. we can call her Felicia. we were only friends for a year before she graduated in 2015. I graduated in 2016. we sort of parted ways after she graduated. I dated this guy that was part of her friend group. let's call him Shrek. Shrek and I dated about a year and a half, and after graduating we moved in together because my mom fell very ill and was in her laat stages of cancer. me and Shrek were not sexually active due to my depression, especially after my mother passed. he would hang out with Felicia but for some reason I'd never be invited to hang out with them and they would hang out right after he got out of work. I felt a little upset because she and I were friends in highschool. I felt very left out but he would say that he wants to be able to hang out with his friend group without having to bring me me around. I was too lost in my depression of the loss of my mother to really think any deeper about how wrong that situation was. one time I felt the desire to become intimate with him. I missed the connection we had before my mother died. but when I was taking off his pants, I found a foul odor of fishiness in his privates. after this I refused to further out intimacy with him. I asked him to shower and even when he did he still smelled bad. this made me upset and I assumed he was cheating on me with a coworker (I had gone to his store and noticed flirtatious behavior). the next few days I refused to speak to him and I declined any physical touch until one night he attempted to SA me. leaving bruises all over my wrists from him pinning me down. after this event I became suicidal and I did make the attempt. it was failed. I attempted on a day where he forgot his work hat and he happened to find me overdosing on medication. I survived and made it out of the hospital. he and I broke up, naturally. after this he would still try to seel me to work things out but I didn't reciprocate how he wanted. I'd see him posting on his social media hanging out with Felicia and other friends with him adding quotes that mocked me.
fast forward in time I was struggling with homelessness and during this time I reconnected with a guy from this friend group. Let's call him Richard. Richard was close friends with Felicia and therefore I reconnected with her too. we first got in touch at a party. her immediate approach was that Shrek had told her everything about what happened between me and him. that he would always tell her everything that would happen between us, even when he attempted to SA me but that she never reached out because he had told her that I don't like her, of which I've never expressed such a thing. and then she followed up by telling me he tried to SA her as well by trying to force her to give him oral. I felt a bit discomforted by this approach, like she approached me with a trauma bond but again I didn't think much of it. I was homeless during this time because I had ran away from where I was living before. I always had a struggle with a stable living since my mother passed and at some point I moved in with a coworker that would assault me often but I sort of would just let it happen because I developed Stockholm syndrome... I have an active police case there, but I digress.
at some point Felicia offered me to live with her and I took the chance. we roommated about a year and I was always granted. I cleaned the house, cooked, kept up with her mail, watched her son when she'd go out on dates, etc. I wasn't very perfect during this time. I picked up on an alcoholic addiction to cope with a lot of the things I've endured throughout the time between then (2022) and when I lost my mother. the betrayals, the sexual abuse, the homelessness... I would drink alone in my room or any time Richard wanted me to hang out with him and his friends. I hardly hung out with Feliciia unless she was home. her friends never liked me for some reason and I thought maybe it was my drinking that just made me annoying... even though I wouldn't hang out with them nevertheless drink with them.
anyway, I would drink a lot with Richard and his friends. they all were bums and got drunk and did coke and just binge very often and I indulged in that escapism. Richard would often try to grope me when we were drunk and I'd tell him to stop and just would forget about it the next day blaming it on the substances. I confided im Felicia about the situation and she made it seem like he'd take advantage of her too. this upset me and I confronted him about it with her along my side.. I didn't plot it, I just out of the blue mentioned it when I had them together one day. when I did this she became very upset with me and after we all talked it didn't seem like he crossed boundaries with her, but rather it was more about them hooking up. Richard was overly apologetic to me and she was angry because she doesn't like confrontation like that. ultimately the setting was her confessing she keeps him at a distance and that she's scared of him because he's hit her in the past but that he's changed and he's very nice now so it's all been forgiven. for some reason this made me want to forgive him too. like things could be fine if I just didn't give him alone time with me when I'm wasted because he acts weird when he drinks or does coke. but bad idea. I kept indulgimg in alcoholism and one night of blacking out, both Richard and one of his friends fondled me and Richard tried to have a threesome but the other guy didn't want to so nothing happened there and later, while I was visibly incredibly drunk, Felicia and Richard let him take me home. from that night I woke up in pain, bleeding from my privates and in this strange guy's room.
I told Felicia and Richard about what happened and they were more concerned about the friend cheating on his gf than the fact that he basically raped me..which was my focus too. I felt guilty. like it was all my fault. Felicia was pushing me to tell his gf while Richard was pushing me to stay quiet. I stayed silent for a while until I couldn't anymore and finally mesaged the guy's gf. I cut off Richard after this. I came to realize that they weren't my friends and were just waiting any given chance to try and have me.
as time passed I moved out from Felicia's and had my own place and began to reflect. I felt that it was strange that she kept talking to Richard, having him over at her house even though she'd tell me she kept her distance with him for reasons known. but why keep a distance? he basically SA'd me. but I guess it wasn't done to her and he never penetrated me so I felt maybe I was being selfish and overreacting. also, she and I wouldn't hang out. like she always wanted to know everything about me but wouldn't make time to see me and I'd see her hanging out with everyone else. and as time passes I realize that she has nothing good to say about anyone, not even the people she's hang out with. she'd come to me to gossip and talk mess about them. really nothing nice to say... and every now and then she'd show me screen shots of those same people talking bad about me, mocking something I posted online... and I started to wonder like don't they know me and Felicia are close friends? don't they know we were roommates at some point? how are they so comfortable going to her to talk mess about me?
when I started opening my eyes was when she told me about another girl we used to go to school with, which was hosting the party in where I reconnected with Felicia. in this party this girl mentioned how she was so close to Felicia and wishes to hang out again like they used to. anyway, Felicia had came to me with gossip that she found her wasted at a bar and that this girl confessed to Felicia that she was SA'd by one of her dad's friends. during the same window of conversation she was telling me that this girl is insane and just abuses alcohol and posts stupid things on Twitter. that her posts make no sense and makes her look like a crazy shizo. I reverted back to her at the bar and I asked Felicia if this girl was with anyone at the time. like if she was safe. Felicia then said, "idk and honestly idgaf about her." this echoed within me. like, she never explained why they're not friends anymore. all Felicia says is that this girl is crazy and even if they did end in bad terms...to belittle a woman for coping with her traumas this way was so ill to me.. and it made me question everything about her. I stopped talking to Felicia and I reached out to some people to ask about her and they confessed that she was annoyed by me. that I was irresponsible and a drunk. a whore and that I cry about men that don't even want me and she mingled with my ex years ago.
this didn't pierce me as much as I thought it would. but I am shocked by how long this person just didn't want to see me well. I noticed that any time I mentioned progression within my life and me being happy, something in her eyes shadowed envy. I look back now to the last time we hung out in separate worlds. she mentioned marriage with her baby daddy. I was genuinely excited for her because the guy has put her through so much and it sounded like he was doing better. at the time I was in a relationship too and we had also discussed marriage. I told her that since he didn't want to get the wrong ring my partner took me browsing to find out what I like to later surprise me one day and we talked about having kids as well. I was lit up and I said that I'm happy for us to finally get the happiness we've been wanting. I noticed her forcing a smile and shaking while she texted. she then mentioned she had to go, cutting our ice cream date short. her baby daddy came not too long after and they left.
some time later she mentioned that marriage means nothing and that all men cheat and it would be awesome to just be in a home together again. just all girls raising their children in peace (I'm currently expecting). when she said that I felt very ill. and I said no. that's not how things should be.

I (F34) recently posted (here) about how my brother (M32) has become more distant since getting married. Posting an update because more came to light in recent days.
A little more back story: My brother and his wife eloped a few months ago, but they're holding their official ceremony with invited guests in 3 days. They're having a more traditional wedding party, with equal numbers and same gender on each side. I didn't think anything of not being asked to stand with my SIL, as we don't know e/o super well at this point. My brother asked our other brother to stand with him.
A few weeks ago, I decided to ask if they'd like my help with anything on the wedding day. I said I was happy to help or not, whatever worked best for them. They talked about it and agreed to have me do something before the ceremony, but I could tell they weren't originally planning to ask me to do anything.
My family is currently gathered for the days leading up to the wedding. At dinner the other night, my brother mentioned that he had a groomsman drop out unexpectedly. He told everyone he'd thought about asking a good female friend of his to take the extra spot, then decided to have her do a reading instead. I felt a little twinge that he hadn't thought to ask me, but tried to let it roll off. Then he said they'd originally seriously considered having this friend stand with him on his side, before deciding not to mix genders. I didn't say anything, but I'll admit it was a real gut punch to hear him say that right in front of me. We've been so close for many years, and while he's been more distant for the past few months I would've thought he'd still consider including me too if he were going to ask any women.
Then the other day, my SIL asked if I wanted to join them for a big wedding party game day, as they had uneven teams. I said yes, of course! Then I learned that they'd already asked a dozen other people not in the wedding party and had already ordered fun team shirts for everyone a while ago. They put in a special order for an extra shirt so that I wasn't the odd one out.
I'm intentionally not bringing any of this up to them or anyone else, as they're free to choose how they want to do things. I'll be supportive, excited, happy, etc on their special day and it will be genuine! I'm not gonna lie, though, that my feelings are pretty hurt. I feel like my relationship with my brother has just been broken even more by his exclusion, even if unintentional. Has anyone experienced something similar? How did you move past it?
TLDR: Excluded from my sibling's wedding and feeling really hurt and confused about how to proceed.

I cried today in public (had shades on, wasn’t weeping or causing a scene, just straight up crying). I was with my dog and my gf (who could be checked/checking out emotionally) at a park.
It was a beautiful day.
My gf had a few beers at a beer garden type location near the park. No problem, I openly support her doing whatever as long as it doesn’t cause obvious mental or physical problems. I do my best to just be present and enjoy it so I get a kombucha, it is hard cause it tastes so good like a “sour” (beer) which is accessible right there. I push through, whatever, I’ve been sober 3 years, all went good.
We are leaving and it looks like my dog who is being walked by my gf is being tugged too hard with the leash. When I ask her for the leash and remind her it’s a senior dog, she snaps and says im nitpicking her and im a funsucker. This leads to tension, I say “why are you ruining my afternoon for no reason?” She slams me for being a “narcissist”… calls up her girlfriends to go bar hopping.
She is a good person and loves animals and so do I. I just don’t get it. I love my dog.
I don’t know why all of my relationships crumble. This one lasted 3 years. She says she still wants to make it work but her actions and body language are so the opposite it’s hard to believe.
She told me to drop her off at a girlfriend’s place in the cities and they are going bar hopping. I said okay have fun… will you maybe need a safe ride home later? She says no…. I’ll just uber” and walks away without saying anything else.
I get people need time and to have fun social interactions but damn. I feel punished for being sober. It is a beautiful afternoon here. The birds are chirping. I have some native wildflowers that I planted that are coming into bloom. Anyone want to chat about that?
I am so lonely. I am so missing the feeling of love and friendship. I don’t want to fight and bicker with a girl. I don’t think im boring. I don’t think im unexciting. I just don’t want to get shitfaced ever again because I did it enough in college. I just can’t help saying things like, can you be more gentle with my dog. Yeah, 24/7 sobriety tends to make you logical and less wild and free, I hate it, but I need to be here for myself for my sanity.
I feel like I am going to be sick. I am so done with the fighting with my gf over nothing. Why is it bad for me to just say can I hold the leash? It’s my dog. She has been counting the curse words I say when she confronts me when I get home and don’t want to immediately spend time with her or clean or talk for 30 minutes when she’s had some wine or a gummy. She’s WFH and has been waiting for 3 hours for me to get home. I have spent an hour in traffic alone, not to mention full day of work. She says I don’t care what she has to say. That’s not true. I’m just so tired…
I got a great job a few months ago in a field I love. I love explaining the subject to people and being a consultant you could say. But I feel nothing except emptiness inside. Work friends are not the same as lifelong best friends. I never had a best friend after my sophomore year of college.
I cried today, not weeping, not wailing, as I dropped off my gf at a bar and came home to an empty home. We have been fighting over small stuff and I have never found the right words to say “I love you I just need space”. After a long day of work when I am exhausted and she has been free since 2 pm and is waiting for me at the door. That’s actually many of our fights. I’d rather just be with the dog out in the woods for a while. At least the dog is truly joyful to see me and play. At least the dog explores the world with a sense of wonder.
I have no friends and haven’t since college. I got a reputation for drinking and partying too much and pushed away a few girls who truly cared about me. Maybe the fun memories there and the excitement and the nervous romantic anticipation was just booze.
I wish I could just escape my own head. Maybe I’ll go play Fallout New Vegas again and make some Mac and cheese.
I want to drink and meet someone exciting and intelligent but then the bad and the boring will come back. That’s not real love. Real love is a choice every day.
How do people like Ram Dass live with pure hearts and do everything in love? Is it all BS? Is it substances and chemicals? Ram Dass says there is usually a lover chasing and a lover fleeing. I just want to know how to feel euphoria and love in romantic and non romantic ways without alcohol. I don’t want to chase but I can’t live anymore in loneliness. All my coworkers have kids and are 30s 40s and all they do socially is either drink or do bible study (may actually take my coworker up on this at this point).
How do I make friends in my mid 20s without drinking? Is romantic love that doesn’t get stale and predictable possible without chemicals? This is really hard.
Life is beautiful and meaningful but I am lost and the distant memories of joy and belly laughter and nervous crazy romance are crushing me. It’s been so long in the loneliness with no escape. I have no friends and I feel like a failure and unlovable .

As the title says, the last three months have been miserable, and I've been smoking weed every day like a degenerate stoner. It all started when my closest friend (23F), let's call her N, in university asked us to be more than friends (she just went for the kiss, and I let her, to be honest). I'll admit I had a bit of a crush on her too, but it wasn't to the extent where it could have hurt me if I hadn't allowed those feelings to grow.
A little bit of context: N and I met at our part-time job. For whatever reason, she just started hanging out with me at least twice a week. When I met her, it was my first year in university, and I was basically all alone in a new city, living completely on my own for the first time (I am 21 now). None of my close friends from high school had decided to start university (very normal in my country, Scandinavian laziness, I guess), and admittedly, I'm not very good at making new friends (I relied pretty much on my best friend for breaking the ice as I was always the quiet one, and he was the talker). So for her to be so outgoing and ask me to hang out all the time definitely felt like a gift from the universe.
She was also so much different from all the other people in my life. I don't think I would have ever become friends with her if she didn't try. We don't study the same things, listen to the same kind of music, or even have any hobbies in common, other than drinking/partying (if you can even call that a hobby—it's more like ritualistic self-destruction with the purpose of being back to 100% after the weekend, which is very normal here). But she would still always ask to hang out. She would talk about her day, and I would talk about mine. We gave each other advice, etc. Pretty standard stuff.
Except she had these habits that were kinda cool, like how she was extremely generous (she would always pay for random shit and insist that I don't pay, but I would always just take the bill somewhere else so we were kept even). I get that for a lot of people, this may seem like standard stuff, but in Scandinavia, it's not. As an immigrant, I can tell you that in this country, if you start paying for things, people start expecting it without ever returning the favor. So giving and taking is not something you do here, and this just made her feel a lot warmer than people usually are here. It's not just me she was kind to; she was pretty much a kind person to everybody. I guess somewhere along the line, I decided she was in the group of "good people" and that I could trust her, which led to me being perhaps a lot more open with her sooner rather than later, like I had with my oldest friends.
After a while, I started opening up to her about personal stuff, as she had done with me. She would often talk about the guys she was dating or crushing on, etc., and ask me for advice, which I tried my best to give. At some point, she would keep pressing me about how I was doing in my love life, and I opened up to her about it. Here is the gist of what I communicated to her in the span of a whole bunch of different sessions of going out for beers and just talking, which gets relevant later, so bear with me.
I don't feel like I fit in with this generation or at least this country's dating culture. I can't just move on from person to person like most people here seem to do just fine. Not because of parents teaching me stuff or religion (I was born and raised atheist), but simply because, to me, it feels wrong. Also, my parents did pretty well in that regard—I just wanted what they had. I am also very career-focused (engineering, CS with business combined honors program that's very highly regarded here, and the goal is to get to Partner at a consulting firm by the time I am 30). So setting aside time for serious stuff is just not something I can do lightly. Besides, the last relationship I was in almost cost me my spot in the program when it went south, so at least at the start of the year, I was not looking for anything, to say the least.
Another aspect of why I have not been "as active as I should be" for my age compared to peers is also because I did not want to have sex with just anybody. For me, it meant something (used to mean something now). My ideal was to pick a person who I think is "good" and hopefully we stick together (that's how I learned about relationships at least—you make things work by working through them). That's simply not something that people do where I am at in life; at least it just feels like pure lust with zero love involved, to be honest. All in all, I was waiting for the right person because I had decided the next person would have to be it, because anybody after that would simply not feel special anymore (I just kept moving the goal post like it fucking mattered XD).
Fast forward a year and half, and we were still great friends, it was just another standard day out with some friends, when i was about to leave when she came by the door to say farewell, and as i was done tying my shoes and getting my jacket she was standing really close to my face looking at me straight in the eye, this is not the first time she had done that, and i usually would just play dumb even though it was obvious every time where she wanted to go with that action. We would just never talk about it because one could always say "we were just drunk or whatever" but this time she was like insanely close, and i guess i was just a bit tired of doing this, so i whispered to her "N, we cant" (because we work together, and a piece of advice from an older friend i always tried to follow was, Dont shit where you eat, so yes even when i had for months realised i possibly had a little crush on N, i did nothing about it and was not planning on doing anything about it), To my surprise she responded with "why not, why cant we just try" and i guess that was about the limit to which i could hold back because we ended up kissing, which ended pretty quickly because another friend was coming through the hallway and i didn't want this to become a problem so i just said goodbye and left. So far no big deal i guess, i was honestly expected it to just be an awkward conversation we would have to have later on, 30 minutes later, she sent me a text, "Do you want to come over?", i said yes, and got to her place. just even talking was awkward at frist, but once i just remembered that hey, neither i or her have changed, we got back to normal, and we discussed things, i admitted my feelings for her and she did as well, i spent the rest of the evening and night talking to her (i pretty much grabbed the last bus ride back to my place) i honestly was shocked at finding out the way she claimed to feel about me, i did not think i was her type at all (yes even with the coming close my face every time she gets too drunk, i had just kept telling myself its only cause she is drunk) she even displayed jealousy and asked me to stop talking to an older lady (30F) i had started talking to (and told her about) after a weird night out with a company which was advertising its positions (Companies take us out to fancy places to try and get dibs on contracts with us)
The timing of this was a bit weird, we were going for easter break and i was actually going home the day after, and honestly i kept myself kinda skeptical about the whole thing during the entire break, i was just bracing for the "it was a mistake" to come out, cause i had been burned like that before, and i didn't want to let my feelings grow any bigger before i was sure about her feelings. When i got back, i didn't push to meet her even though i wanted to, i was trying to see what she would do, and again to my surprise she asks if she can come over, we talk more, i started to think, hey maybe this is for real, but i still wasn't 100% going in just out of caution, by the next week, we ended up sleeping together for the first time, and honestly it was great, it was also here where i actually let myself have hope that hey, maybe she is different, i mean it should be different now that i am an adult right, i mean she knows so much private shit about me, she know the way i think, she knows how i feel about these things, and she is a good person, there is no way she could play me like the previous times i had let myself get real feelings for a girl. After about a month and us hanging out even more, and me starting to get used to it, she asks me out for a beer, than tells me she wants to go back to being just friends, because she "feels closed in, and thinks its too early for her to be in a serious relationship" mind you i had not even talked directly about things being serious or whatever (I might be naive sometimes, but im not a fucking idiot i now your not supposed to put pressure like that early on.) all in all deep down i was expecting something like this, because i never have luck with these things, but i would be lying if i said i didn't feel hurt. As for how i reacted, i just told her its ok, and that we cant control the way we feel so she shouldn't feel bad, went home and started smoking weed, i always have some for certain nights but from this day i started doing it everyday since.
We were supposed to go to a party together that weekend, and we were going to pregame at her place with a few friends, ill get to this, but before that there was a job event where i pretty much did not talk to her at all, and i had not talked with her on socials like we usually did. she suddenly sends me an SMS asking if i am mad and not want to talk to her again, i said no and that everything was fine, and resumed communication like normal from here on. Truth is i just needed some space i dont hate her, i just needed a bit space, but i get that she got concerned or whatever. Anyways the weekends here, and she asks me if i am still coming over, honestly i had planned to just meet up at the party and drop the pre game but i just told her i could come if she wants me there. She obviously said yes and i went there, we had other friends there who did not know (besides a very kind friend of ours) the pre game went without mostly any trouble, and i even told her we were cool and that i was sorry if things got weird when we had a private moment. Fast forward towards the end of the night we were at a club (where i have a friend who works there foreshadowing) i was at a separate place within this club which is massive, and sometime later she finds me sits next to me, and within a few minutes she ended up kissing me again. Our friend who was also at the table, the universe bless her, grabs her and takes her away to talk (yell at her) somewhere private.
when the whole group of us returns one of the apartments for the afterparty, i decided i was going to try to figure this shit out and talk things out with her, figure out wtf is going on and all that. But she was being very childish and avoidant in our conversation. she lived close by and i lived far away so when people were leaving (it was very late as well so i would have had to walk home drunk) she asked med to come over, i went only because i was not going to let her just shove this under the rugg. I asked her what this all meant and what she meant by "feeling closed in" when she broke up, because at that point i didn't really understand it, lets say i did not get my answer, but she did however end up admitting to me that already 3 days in, the day before this day she had one of her ex FWB over at her place. Now thats would have been all fine and dandy if she had not kissed me again and told me this right after, it really hurt to know that, to the point that i walked home for 40 minutes from one end of town to the other 15 beers and a joint in, instead of sleeping on her sofa (she was also insisting that i sleep on her bed while she takes the sofa, like it fucking mattered at that point, and she was not sleeping until i did, so i used it as an excuse to leave).
I dont quite remember what i was feeling during the walk home but it was not great, now remember the friend who works part time at that club, he just happened to have been working when all this went down, and me and him and a few other friends (all from highschool who started their first year here) were chilling and decided to invite me. This friend had meet N before once at a party at my place, and apparently what seemed to me like N randomly finding me at the Club was her looking around for me, the way. i found this out was because N had ran into my friend and asked him about my whereabouts, so now i am sitting here thinking well this just went from a dumb accident to a premeditated. Lets just say i was a combination of very annoyed, pissed and sad. For my own sake i decided not talk to her for a while, and this time when she did send an sms i just simply told her something along the line of i am not mad, i just need time. she stopped bothering me for 2 weeks and then she just suddenly asked me if i wanted to go for a beer. In these two weeks i had avoided even looking at her, when we were attending a work thing again, and after this she had sent me a long as message basically being pissed at me for being like this, and me being the gigantic pushover that i am, said sorry and that "i just need a little bit more space", So when she asked if we could hang, i just said yes because it felt as if i had to.
We talked like we normally would, i tried to avoid the topic of us, after a while we went for a walk, and i honestly just tried to defuse any serious conversation with humor, at some point she mumbled something to herself, along the lines of "I fucked up", i said "what?" and she goes on about how she sabotaged us, and she feels bad about it. My initial reaction was something along the lines of "Womp Womp" but obviously i listened to her, talk then cry, then talk again about it all, and kept quiet and tried to think through the things she said, while i waited for her bus to arrive. She had a great many excuses for why things went the way the did, Like for example "being afraid of holding me back from my ambitions" (she thinks i am really smart and hardworking and that my goals are so hard to achieve she would've gotten in my way, truth is i do just enough to be in the clear for the next goalpost, i dont feel like a hard worker nor do i feel smart, its just she is not great at school and thats fine everybody has their own talents i guess), nothing she said really felt like a good explanation, and i did not see the point to this, but it did make me want to ask about it again and try to figure shit out.
So the day after i asked her out for a beer again and asked if we could talk, this time she gave a better answer, she just said, she did not feel like she could be in a relationship because she didn't feel ready to i guess settle down, but that she found me attractive but because of the things we had talked about, (my ideals when it comes to romance, see here is where the jargon got relevant) she was not going to make a move unless it was serious, and that at some point she had to try to see if she was done with fooling around and wanted to have a serious relationship but that it felt like too much pressure in the end (¯\_(ツ)_/¯, This is my fucking reaction to but belive me, this is not the first time i have heard shit like this and its completely normal in this hedonistic godless generation, at least in my circles it is). Anyways believed her and this gave me a bit closure but it still hurt, we decided to just talk about other stuff and drink since it was the weekend and we were out anyways, and she starts getting handsy and giving me the eyes again, i thought about it while talking to her, and just said, "Are we going to keep doing this stuff every time now, cause its gonna get annoying if i have to worry about it every time we are out" and that "we could maybe just do what she does with other guys while she is single" (she just has a few FWB) "she lights up and is like alright if you really are ok with that" and we ended up at my place and we ended up sleeping together again talking about the rules of our new "arrangment"
Now why did i do this, it seems hypocritical to my ideals and whatever and honestly i see that. it is fundamentally just a degradation of my boundaries and ideals, and honestly to me it just felt like a wall i have been keeping up that simply is becoming unsustainable.
The next time we ended up being together was a few weeks ago during a weekend out, we actually ended up not sleeping together cause she was tired, but more likely she was probably on her period but did not say out of fear of me being annoyed at her still saying yes to coming over (its like an unwritten rule to these things here), but i guess she did not want to say that cause she just wanted to sleep next to someone out of loneliness which is honestly understandable to me at least but a lot of guys are just assholes about that.
This is all happening while we are in the middle of the examination period so communication is being slowed down, not that i mattered much i have my own shit to do as well, but before that we had returned to talking like we normally do and me putting shit behind me, she is on her 3rd year as well so this year was obviously important for her career wise so it was not strange that we weren't talking as much, anyways i meet her yesterday just for a break and to have a few drinks and somewhere in there she gives me the heads up that she has started talking with someone and that we cant do any "stuff" until further notice, which is again fine and what she is supposed to do, and i did not react much to this, but deep inside it was like i just got another knife in the chest, i mean its been what, a month since she did all of that and told me she is not ready for a relationship and she is already talking to a new guy and wants to see if shit is gonna get serious.
Now for my feelings that i needed to get off my chest, Props to you if you bothered to read so far, this felt great to write out, but i cant belive i just wrote that much and there is no way i am proof reading this shit. I am kinda afraid of this blowing up rn, incase anybody i know in loop who might see this, but it will probably be fine, and if you are one of those brain rot instagram profiles, YOU DO NOT HAVE CONSENT to make on of those shitty AI voice videos with this.
Not that i was hoping to get together with her again at some point, i would not even if she wanted that, i am done with her in that way, but this makes the second time she has lied to me, cause what this implied just now is that she was bullshitting the whole time (Womp to the fucking Womp, i get it i am an absolute fucking idiot for even believing it in the first place) but man how can people be like this, am i just a fucking insane, or is everybody just completely detached. I trusted her so fucking much and there she was just smiling like she just got a text from Ken from barbie himself. the real hurt is the speed at which she just moved on, i had to have assumed that she must've felt at least something when she basically risked our entire friendship over it. Did she care so little about my feelings, am i just too emotional? i dont think of myself as an emotional person, i mean last night was the first time i cried since i belive when i was 15 or 16 (mostly due to my dad pavlov'ing the shit out of me cause "men dont cry", i dont hate him for this btw, he would probably agree that it was wrong now, but its just the way it was when i was child in my country)
The worst part is the moral degradation of it all, i feel like that was the last straw, the last few weeks all i have been able to listen to is fucking Future other "toxic" rap shit, usually i dont even listen to these stuff outside of parties, but for some reason i get it now, i feel toxic, i feel like i just wanna go around and sleep around, i wanna fucking break someones heart, between all the different times i have had my heart broken, to my own amazement at how many times this shit would end up happening to me, THE GUY, i mean when i growing up i was raised mostly by my grandmother since both my parents worked all the time, and all they ever taught me about stuff like this is, that as long as you are a good person, you will be fine, its always the guys that are assholes in relationships, now i dont blame her or my parents as it was mostly true for her generation, but goddamn i wish i was better equipped for this shit. I wanted to be a good person, i wanted to have something pure for once, something i can be proud of and say hey, everything is else is lowkey fucked up, but hey at least i got this part of my life that i can see is true and honest and not a two faced power play but nah, thats just wishful thinking. between the immature girls in Highschool which is like fine, okay we were all kids figuring shit out, or the getting fetishised as the "white enough to test my boundaries guy for rich white college girls" but goddamn it its getting enough for me at this point. every god damn time i get played like this, and i am just tired honestly i dont want to feel like this but i really feel bad for the next girl who ends up trying with me if they end up being genuine, because after this one i honestly cant, there is no excuses this time, every other girl before i could blame it on myself but if i couldn't tell that i should not have trusted N with my feelings than it does not feel like it was my fault for being gullible, nobody deserves that kind of trust in my eyes now and thats the saddest part, i feel like a worse person, i feel like i am turning into the kind of person i would look down on and there is nothing i can tell myself to stop that.
Sorry if this felt like a giant rant from a wussy as mofo, thats for sure what my dad would have said, and i did write this high asf, so sorry about all the typos i did not catch. i did not really have anybody i could tell this to, without completely destroying the semi-stoic character i have tried to present myself as publicly sure as hell felt better then reading for that god forsaken DBMS test i have coming up (driest fucking shit in CS, besides networking and communication protocols).

I'm on a trip with my mom and siblings to go see my grandpa who's 85, who's living in an assisted living home in another state. I was close with him growing up, but mostly close with my grandma (his wife) as she lived with me her last years as I cared for her. I was very close with her.
But I just feel like the odd one out. My grandpa makes jewelry and made things for everyone, even things to bring back for my sisters husband and her kids, but forgot me. He's old, is ok, he maybe just genuinely forgot. But it just is such an absolute familiar feeling I know too well.
Growing up it was the running joke in the family that I was the "forgotten child". Multiple times my family would go out to dinner and actually forget me at home. One time my family planned a trip to Disney and left to the airport without me and had to turn around. I was 9 and this trip was FOR my birthday.
At school I was always picked last, never invited, never had a partner for projects, had to spend lunch in the library if my one friend wasn't there.
As an adult, I was never invited out with coworkers, never picked for employee of the month even though I worked the hardest, passed up for promotions.
There's never enough chairs for me and I'm always the one left standing. There isn't enough cake for me at the party. I always have the least gifts at Christmas, if any. I have to learn someone passed away in random conversations because no one called me when it happened. No one offers to bring me back coffee when they get coffee for the whole group.
And I can't tell what's worse, if it's people purposely excluding me because they don't like me, or people genuinely forgetting I exist. But it is constant, and it is with everyone in every situation.
And I doubt my grandpa who's old as hell meant to leave me out or hurt me. But this trip has been hard for me and my autism and that just didn't feel nice. And it felt worse when my mom pointed it out and made a joke about how I was always the "forgotten child" and everyone laughed.
But this feeling of being forgotten is so common. And it's always in little things. But it adds up to so much. And I just feel so unwelcomed everywhere. 27 years of being the forgotten child.

Hello guys, I am so fed up of being a complete loner, the thing is that a lot of people at first glance think that I am probably just an introvert who just loves to be alone, but no I was an extrovert in my early childhood (0-6) and it was mostly due to my extreme ADHD (making me want to be friends with every single person in my school.) At the age of 6, something horrible happened to my baby sis which has left her extremely disabled and she is unable to do anything without the support of an adult, during her hospital stay back when I was 6, I didn't go to school for 6 months and when I went back I was severely bullied. I still remember how I was jumped by ex friends on a daily basis when I went back, they usually beat me up before registration where we had to line up outside our designated classrooms and wait till our teacher let us in or they would take me to a secluded corner of the school and lure me by pretending that they missed being friendly with me and wanted to tell me secrets about the school during the time I was gone, but it was all a trap and I would usually end up in the medical room with multiple injuries and bruises, they were very severe. This shit went on till the end of primary school (elementary school) and by then all the damage had been made and I was suffering from many mental health disorders that no one was aware of and didn't have a single friend. I started secondary school (middle school + high school in same building) with high hopes that I might make a friend, but my plans failed and the whole year group hated me again and I was now getting psychologically bullied to the point where I made 5 suicide attempts at the age of 12 and I told my parents and teachers about it, but they just turned a blind eye to it. The fact that I haven't seen my cousins since I was 9 doesn't help either, along with that I have only been to 1 wedding in my entire life and only 3 birthday parties (consisting of my mom's friends sons or daughters birthday parties.) I feel so left out and behind from everyone else, I am autistic, have ADHD, have a couple of learning disabilities, have severe depression, have bipolar, have severe social anxiety, have borderline personality disorder, have general anxiety and have extreme health anxiety. I suffered an asthma attack when I was 14 and had to be hospitalised, a few months later my doctor took my inhalers away from me and said 'you are free of childhood asthma', I still get out of fucking breath all the time and wheeze a lot, I have extreme chest tightness and pain, but doctors always say 'it's just anxiety'. I can't even function properly, I am dumb at school and my parents said they will kick me out if I fail my GCSEs (I have Indian parents which makes the situation a whole lot worser.) My parents have been abusive towards me since I was 7 cuz 'im a worthless prostitute who should fuck my sister', I remember being 10 and running away from my house, but I was found a couple of hours later hiding at a nearby shop just staring at the workers in fear and for help, my parents still beat me up, my grandma is here on guest visa and she beats me up too, what the fuck is wrong with me? that is an question that has been unanswered since I was 6. I don't remember what 'happy' is anymore, I crave human connection and I think I may also have schizophrenia because I am always getting visions of my past, I usually spend my day by watching my computer or phone all day. I have been chronically online since I was 6 and even had an aunt who's house I had to stay at when I was 6 beat the fucking crap outta me. I go on the school bus everyday and the driver jokes about me looking like a school shooter, I really wanna die. It's holidays rn, but I am going back to school on June 3rd and then high school is officially finished for me on June 14th, which is my last exam. I get bullied on the bus by little kids, my seat gets kicked on a daily basis and all I can do is sit and cry cuz no one cares about me, I am not going to prom and I am not even attending the leavers assembly cuz I have 0 frndz (I mean it's always been that way.) Everyone is planning to meet after prom and have a private party where they will get drunk since alcohol isn't allowed in the venue, also obvs im not invited to that cuz im a freaky creepy loner who has been bullied since I was 6. I have had people shine stuff at windows when it's sunny and directly flash it to my eyes, despite knowing I suffer with a rare condition, I go blind for a couple of minutes and all I can do is sit and weep whilst they crack jokes about me and kick me around. I am so fed up of this life, I really wanna die, no one gets me. We have been having study hall sessions before the exams and I get bullied there as well and get reminded of how I wasted my childhood and teenage years by staying home all the time, I sometimes have to leave late after an exam and my dad forces me to wait at a supermarket's parking lot for me to be 'independent' cuz I am a fucking cunt. When I wait there, people speak in languages I cannot understand and I just know it's not nice, I've had bullies flying shopping trolleys to my face, having me agonising in pain, if I see someone from my school there I usually just run and hide like a criminal. Does anyone have any advice? Is there still hope that I can have friends one day?

So a little long story sorry, but I f(23), met my friend f(22) at work two years ago, we became really close very quickly because we had a lot in common, in these two years we went from shopping together and coffee/breakfast meetings to me and my boyfriend M(24) letting her live in our house due to a bad break up between her and her ex bf for about a month, rent free, fast forward a few months she started seeing a coworker M(30) of ours and they hit it off and started dating shortly after, everything was good, we went on double dates, to the cinema, normal double date stuff, she was even the first person that I told I was pregnant too, (after telling my boyfriend first obviously) after that, she told her mom, dad and youngee brother without my consent even tho it's early and I didn't wanted a lot of people knowing.. but I let it pass, but last week she and her boyfriend invited me and my bf to have dinner at her bf's house, we happily agreed and we took dessert just as the last time they ate dinner in our house, they did, we also bring game boards and we had dinner, talked, have fun etc, and the end of dinner me and my friend started clearing the table to play said games, and while bringing the dishes to the kitchen I mentioned that I loved the cups at his house, and I would steal them if I could ( I joke about stealing a lot, especially at work with them) we laughed and went to the the living room to play, we left their place, and everything was good we were still texting as normal, and sending memes to one another, and then a week later(yesterday), she sends me a text saying -hi, me and boyfriend wanted to ask if you stole cups 😂? and I was so confused because it had been a week almost and everything was normal and I absolutely forgot about the comment I made about the cups, so I asked - what do you mean😅? and she replied - we were having dinner the other day and we noticed that two cups we're missing did you took them😅? mind you that her boyfriend lives with his younger brother(25) but they still asked ME if I did it , and I answer her, -of course not, why would you think I would do something like that??? and like an hour later she replied -haha actually it was his brother who had the cups! and I was like -of course why would I have the cups? and why would you guys suspect me just because I joked about it? her answer? -we were kidding! don't take it the wrong way, it was just a joke! and I didn't answerd her.. later today she texted me asking if I was still mad at her? and I texted back, no not mad, just disappointed, and she called me just saying sorry profusely and repeating that it was just a joke, and that she regretted making the joke, and I said to her that obviously wasn't a joke , and when she was living with me and my boyfriend I didn't do any type of jokes like that to her, because its bad taste and nowhere near a joke, she stood in silence for a while and after insinuating that maybe I'm overreacting apologized again, and I just said that for now I need time apart to digest all of this and she knows that I'm pregnant and can't get stressed and I hang up.. IATAH? or should I give them another chance?

My husband (36) and I (33), have been married for almost 2 years but together for 14yrs. Last weekend, his job was invited to a tequila hacienda in Mexico for 3 days. We didn’t know what the trip entailed just that he was flying out with other people (not his own coworkers). We assumed it was other people from different companies. He met them at the airport & all he tells me about them is that it’s 5 highly qualified cool people. First day he’s sending pictures of the beautiful grounds & the food & the expensive tastings. We usually send each other pictures when we’re away so everything’s normal. Then at night, after all planned tours & activities, he sends me the last video of a few people sitting by the fireplace drinking. Didn’t hear from him after so I called but no answer. No big deal, maybe he just fell asleep. Next day, he didn’t acknowledge my call. Again no big deal, I don’t wanna press about a call. He’s proably just having fun networking. He continues to send me pictures of the activities & food during the day. He then sends me videos of the mariachi showing up & I can see that he was sitting by 3 young women. At this point, I have not asked about the people in the group. I just know the name of one of the girls, Jane, the organizer who arranged the trip & flights and whom he was communicating with before the trip. So I started asking, who was Jane in the video, & who are the other ones & if those are the people he flew with. He proceeds to tell me he doesn’t even remember their names, that he’s been mainly hanging out with Jane & the other 2 guys in the group & also shares how there’s about 15 more people there that flew out from other places. I found it suspicious that he didn’t know their names but I let it go. Then he called & said that it was a long day & everybody was tired & that he’d call me back when he was back in his room. He didn’t. So I called. No answer. I texted asking if he was ok. He responded hours later that he was, that he was just having a good time. I waited & called again & no answer. At this point, I’m upset. Why doesn’t he answer? What is he hiding? Who are all these people? So I went on social media & easily found them. I found the 3 women & the 2 guys he flew with. They were all young attractive women & one of them was some type of nude art performer. I’m not a jealous person. We are an easy going couple who never give each other a hard time about this kind of stuff. But seeing that he was hanging out with these beautiful women at what was basically an all inclusive vacation (not a typical work trip with meeting or sales pitches), made me so upset because he didn’t think it was appropriate to at least tell me who he was with or call me back both nights. I was extremely upset but talked it out with myself & decided I was gonna let it go. Bad decisions are made work trips or not. Next day, plan was for me to pick him up. We live 15 mins away from airport. He lands, proceeds to say that Jane was ordering them a car & to make it “easier”for me, they would just drop him off somewhere on their way out. Made absolutely no sense because they were headed north & we live south. Also the airport is complicated & in order get an Uber, you have to shuttle to a lot & wait in queue. My husband hates people at airports, hates waiting, took only a backpack, did not have luggage. Yet, he’s hanging out with them at the airport waiting for all of them to get their checked luggage & willing to shuttle to a lot to be dropped off at Chili’s (further away) so that I pick him from there instead. In my head all I’m thinking is wow he just cant get enough of them. I ended up picking him up from the airport, took 10 mins, & I just went off on him. Told him about how I felt & how uncomfortable I was with him partying it up with women he didn’t even tell me about & him not calling back. We fought. I expressed how going forward I need him to call me back. This whole trip made me uncomfortable & I find it inappropriate that he’s staying up drinking with who knows whom & doesn’t answer. If you read my whole rant, how do you deal with work trips? What are healthy boundaries? This was a first time for me & I know I’m overreacting but I also feel it was inappropriate.

My (23 F) friend (22 F) Ali invited me out this Friday for a fun dance event in a neighboring city where she lives. It really did look like a good time, and I haven’t seen her in over a year (more on that later) so initially I said yes. After looking more at the event info, I realized it requires the purchase of a ticket. This is where the hesitation kicked in for me. Ali and I work in the same field, so while we haven’t been able to see each other frequently, we do talk a lot about work. We know each other from a high school, and I was supposed to attend her bachelorette party (also more on that later). After seeing the event required the purchase of a ticket, I paused and decided to wait to buy mine. During this conversation she mentioned how much fun it would be, then casually drops that she doesn’t have the money for it, but she would rather go out and have a good time even if it means she would be late on rent. As a friend, I don’t feel like I can encourage this kind of irresponsibility. I also don’t have to go out to have fun, I want to see my friend and that’s free. I offered to pay for her ticket (this is where my boundaries start to cave a little) and she doesn’t directly respond to that, and switches the subject to mention a few of her other friends want to join. This is on Tuesday. We don’t talk about it again until I get a text in a group chat about it with the other girls. At this point it’s the night before the event, no one has bought their tickets, including Ali, and there is really no plan for Ubers, DD, or who will stay where for the night. While I do want to build my friendships I’m at a point where I’m questioning the viability. Ali is a serial complainer, she will make irrational choices (like quitting her job in our very niche field without a plan), then text me dumping all her complaints and stress on me. She has canceled out plans 3-4x in a row for what I suspect are dates with tinder guys. She has surprised me with mean girl behavior , ike tearing other women down for their looks. She will live above her means and then text me about her money troubles in a way that feels like she’s wanting me to help her without directly saying so. She will stay with people and situations that are not good for her (fiancé who dumped her right before the bachelorette trip regardless of the advice she would ask me for, all of her friends told her to cut contact with him as we suspected deeper abuse). I used to be like this as well, and I feel for her. There are deeper issues that cause this kind of behavior. As I have worked on myself I’ve outgrown some behavior patterns she still participates in. I went through a breakup at the same time as she did. We talked through it together and I started to notice that when it’s my turn she is mildly disinterested and we really only talk about her. Same with the text convos, she will rarely ask about me, if she does at all. It’s gotten to the point where I’m not sure if we are actually friends at all. My biggest question is, is it actually worth it to be honest and let her know how I feel, or just to allow the distance to do the work? I’m still managing my own fears around confrontation and healthy conflict, so I’m conflicted.

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For context, all I ever do in my free time is go for a run, play sports, whether it’s sand volleyball and my main one soccer, basketball at the gym with my friends, go fishing and all I have is work clothes. I am a woman and gay, honestly I like to dress comfortably in athletic wear most of the time. I struggle to wear something girly or showy sometimes cause it makes me uncomfortable, I feel like I’m looked at a bit more than usual and I don’t like the feeling. But yeah, every time I’m invited out nice somewhere I’m left stumped because my wardrobe is a bunch of T-shirts from Tillys, athletic Nike shirts, athletic shorts long socks and tennis shoes like air maxes, 270’s, infinity run’s, invincibles, slides. Granted, I do own two pairs of mom jeans from Tilly’s ones black and a blue pair and a couple, basic gray, black and white T-shirt. I don’t know how to spice up my wardrobe or my style or where to start. I feel like I’m pretty gender fluid when it comes to dressing too , because of course for a wedding, I’m gonna wear a jumpsuit, wear earrings, and do my hair. But let’s say a dinner at a nice restaurant, grad party? STUCK

I recall seeing the shows premiere in 2012 or 2013. Coming off of Jersey Shore I didn’t know if I was ready to delve into a new bunch of reality personalities. But when the first major scandal happened - Jax and Kristen - I got hooked.
I also related to the cast because even though I’m around their average age, I was a server at many restaurants when I was younger, and experienced a ton of unavoidable drama mixed with coworkers dating and hooking up…and betrayal.
The golden era was the first 5ish seasons. I loved James Kennedy and had high hopes for LaLa. But sadly as time transpired LFU has been a major disappointment. I knew Katie and Schwartz wouldn’t last, but I felt Katie had invested so much hope in it along with resentment, she had trouble seeing what a manchild he is.
We remember,”Maybe KFC will finally leave.” “Will James ever get sober?” “Stassi finally got a good guy” “The Toms bromance is adorable.”
But dynamics change, true colors are revealed, and friendships fade or burn in flames.
I believe Scandoval was the true finale. The masks have long ago slipped on Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb, LFU and SHEIN are redundant try-hards whom I don’t think will be capable of delivering anything entertaining or authentic. Katie is living healthier without the dead weight and Ariana is trying to heal from betrayal across the board. James glow up gives me hope.
LVP - has marked it in stone that she is a misogynist, definitely the sniper from the side, a shallow cold woman who’s warmth is simply performative, and a woman I would discourage anyone from looking up to. Her tricks are old, her grudges are her attempt at staying holier than thou, and other than her perceived work ethic and care for dogs - she’s just trash with the smoke and mirrors of a British accent and dead roses.
It’s been fun. But it’s time the cast stops forcing themselves to be together. It’s over produced. The party is long over and it’s stale. Most of all…Alex Baskin and production need to work on their misogyny and stop enforcing the narrative that betrayed women should fall apart and the men be excused. Epic failure and ultimately the cause of the shows downfall.
LFU and SHEIN it’s time to get new jobs. It’s time to get rid of the TomTom “brand”, I hope the sandwich shop does well and thrives, and may lessons that must be learned be learned in a revelation much needed. I have no interest in The Valley.
To the best days of their lives. Farewell VPR.

Had a long, detailed dream that I won a free trip to Peru where Fidel Castro ruled and was actually a cool guy that didn't kill a ton of people. It was weird to me because everything in the dream followed all rules of physics and had consistent structure that did not change throughout. Usually someone flies around, running is walking, buildings change layout, and length of time for events flows differently. This was like some alternate timeline stuff where everything was normal and flowed as normal life, aside from the setting.
I boarded my plane and flew to Peru and was instantly hit by the change in weather, smell, etc. Tired from the long flight, I and handful of other folks stretched their legs as we were guided to a large mansion and were shown to our rooms. The mansion was old and cultural with ornate carved wood that was red and a somehow complimenting gray color. (After I woke up, I looked up if this was actually the preferred decor in Peru, typing into Google "Peruvian mansion." Literally the second photo that came up matched exactly what I dreamt. I kid you not.) There was a dinner and I got to see many other people who were invited to do the same thing. They were all super excited to be there.
I heard from one of the other guests that there was an unwritten opportunity where you go up to Fidel in person, say a passphrase, and then you could ask him up to 30 questions and he would have to answer truthfully, so long as you did not pause between questions to think of the next question. I thought of 30-40 interesting questions to ask and approached him with the passphrase. He answered with the accompanying passphrase, then looked at me expectantly. Thus, I began my questioning: "How are you doing today?" I asked first. He answered that he was doing well, and was excited to see so many beautiful people today. I continued with another question, making sure not to hesitate in between. "What are the top 5 exports of Peru?" He answered accordingly. I forgot what it was, but something about gardening in the mountains was one. "What are the top 5 imports of Peru?" He also answered accordingly. "How old are the mountains?" He said that they were about as old as the Appalachians. "So you have a lot of beautiful caves and underground mining areas?" He replied yes. "Have you considered turning some into a tourist spot for the US and UK? You could earn extra income for your country whilst supplying the natives with jobs, utilizing your natural resources without truly burning through them, and use it as a front for secretive diplomatic dealings." He paused for a moment, then replied, "No, but that's a good idea and I will look into it." The questioning continued, with me mostly asking about country history, current events, and nothing really large. I once threw out an odd, top secret government question to test his truthfulness in replies, to which he answered truthfully. At the end of my 30 questions I asked a 31st question knowing it was the 31st question, which he rightfully called me out on. I mentioned how I knew it was the 31st and just wanted to see if he was counting. We ended with some small talk, and told me I'd make a great cabinet member in passing.
The next few days were a mix of one giant party and a few business meetings. We were told not to look for trash cans and to simply drop our garbage wherever, which I wasn't a fan of. I put mine in a pile anyway. Supposedly they have a crew that cleans it up at the end of the week and preps things for the next guests anyway.
At one point I was carrying a bonzai tree forest, fell, and broke it. The trees and dirt scattered everywhere and I struggled to get it all back together. But I did. I rearranged it to an ideal state for limited growth, trimmed the roots, and watered it. IRL I don't really do bonzais, no idea where this part of the dream came from.
People partied hard over the next few days and trash really piled up. Lots of drunks and people feasting on as much food as they could as I silently judged them. I enjoyed things in moderation.
Everyone got one on one time to speak to Fidel and he took his time to mingle with everyone. Every once in a while he was called back to a business meeting or was gone for a few hours, but he always came back. Seemed to be a permanent state in the mansion. Work and pleasure really intertwined.
Towards the end of the week when folks were packing up to leave Fidel approached me and asked to talk in his quarters. Not thinking anything of it, I agreed and followed. He said some cheesy pickup line about 1 on 1 time and then put his arm around me, trying to seduce me. I replied without hesitation in a serious tone "I'm married." He tried once more to get me to consent and I replied again with a firm no. He just stared at me for a few seconds, as if he was making some kind of decision, and then got mad and said I was free to leave. I thanked him for his time and company and left.
The trip back home was about as expected. The flight was boring and long and I got mildly motion sick. I got home to my husband and told him about how cool the trip was like an excited 5 yr old girl. Ending the story with how I turned down Mr Castro, my husband got upset: "You turned down Fidel?!?!" "Well, yes, of course: you make me plenty happy and I wanted to be loyal to you." Still upset my husband replied, "Did he get mad???" "Yeah, but only for like 10 minutes." "10 WHOLE MINUTES?!?!" He then went on and on about OMG I can't believe you made a dictator angry, he's gonna kill us now, why did you just take him, blah, blah, blah, ... and then didn't talk to me for like 3 days and was just really angry. And I was so confused, because I thought it was a good thing.
And that was the end of the dream.

So.. I Recieved ALOT Of criticism for capitalization and using proper grammar. Which inevitably makes sense. Im not good at this yet but.. i appreciate any feedback on this! This is my first large scale project since Summer just started which means no more school >:) Anyways if the storyline doesn't make sense.. Just look for the previous chapter i posted..
The smell of coffee beans fills the shop. Manato sighs and wipes his sweat. 'Busy day... and I'm the only one who showed up to work today,' he groans, continuing to serve coffee to customers. Several hours pass, and Manato is exhausted. By 7:40 PM, customers start to show up less and less. He slumps over at a nearby seat and groans loudly. He hears the door open and glares at it, annoyance plastered over his face. But it's just, 'Hey Manato! I just came to return this,' Noa giggles. As Manato's frustration dissipates, he gets up and says, confused, 'Give you what?' Noa reaches into her purse, but her face flushes red. 'I... I forgot to bring the umbrella,' she stammers. Manato covers his mouth and starts giggling, 'Really? Don't worry. Just return it to me at any time you can.' Noa, embarrassed, mumbles, 'Uh... I guess next time then...?' She starts to walk to the exit. But then,
‘Hey-’ Noa turns back and tilts her head in confusion, ‘Hm? What is it?’ Manato chuckles and replies, ‘You don’t seem to have many people to talk to, huh?’ Noa responds with an exaggerated annoyed expression, ‘Rude-’ Manato giggles and writes something down on a paper, then hands it to her, ‘Let's stay in contact. To be honest, I don’t have many friends either.’ Noa looks at the paper, a slight blush creeping on her face as she replies, ‘You know... usually the girl gives the number and not the boy.’ They both giggle, and Noa takes the paper from his hands. ‘I’ll call, don’t worry. I have an errand though... see you!’ She quickly rushes out of the cafe before Manato could call out, ‘S-she forgot to give me her number...’ He laughs and goes back to the counter.
Noa rushes over to the hospital. She enters and gets admitted. While Noa lays on the bed, ‘Well... good news and bad news.’ Noa looks by the door and sees the doctor, ‘Good news is... the tests are going great! We just need a few more tests. We’ll be able to get early development into researching tranquilim. Bad news is, your treatments will be delayed. You’re still early into tranquilim so you need not worry.’ Noa thanks the doctor and asks, ‘So when will the treatments open up again?’ The doctor sighs, ‘We aren’t sure yet... We are very packed in terms of treatments. We’ll update you if a spot opens up.

“Several Hours pass by”
Noa exits the hospital and sighs, thinking to herself, ‘Looks like I have the entire day to myself. I’ll just head home...’ She starts to walk home and notices someone on his phone leaned against the wall. It seems... he’s crying? Noa approaches cautiously as the man starts to shout at the phone. Noa freezes and thinks, ‘That voice-!’ She hides behind a corner and watches Manato shout, ‘ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I’ll... I’ll get a real job... Please... Just... I’m... you’re useless.’ He hangs up and storms back to the coffee shop, with Noa watching cautiously from the corners.
Noa, stunned and unable to move, takes a deep breath and pulls out her phone. She starts to dial Manato’s number, having seen his recent outburst. She becomes more curious about who she really met a few days ago. ‘Hey Manato, you wanna hang out?’ Manato, confusion in his voice, asks, ‘What?’ Noa notices he’s still in a bad mood but continues, ‘Well... I thought we could hang out for a bit if you’re up for that?’ Manato says coldly, ‘Do you have a plan for tomorrow already?’ Noa giggles nervously before replying, ‘Heh... no...’ Manato sighs, ‘Fine. Tomorrow, 11 AM. You free?’ Noa replies excitedly, ‘Yeah! I’ll just meet you by the coffee shop then!’ She says before promptly hanging up.
“The Next day”
Noa hears her alarm and excitedly gets up. She doesn’t know why, but his outburst yesterday intrigued her a lot. She takes a shower and thinks to herself, ‘I wonder how today will go.’ Water cascades down her body as she thinks, ‘If he’s still in a bad mood, perhaps I can just steer his anger elsewhere? It's worth a shot.’ She giggles while drying herself off.
Manato groans and heads off to the coffee shop. ‘I gotta get ready for Noa’s meetup too... Damn, why can’t anything go well for me... I'm in for a busy day,’ he groans while walking. ‘Let's hope it's fun at least. I need to cool off from yesterday anyways.’
Noa checks her clock and starts to get ready. ‘10:00 already. Hm. I hope he hasn’t cooled off yet, to be honest,’ she thinks to herself as she gets dressed. ‘I really don’t wanna make him angry today. Maybe I can set something up...’ Noa giggles to herself as she ties up her hair. ‘I really shouldn’t be overthinking it now. I’ll just follow along.’
Manato gets dressed in the coffee shop and heads out, but he gets stopped. ‘Manato!? What are you doing!?’ Manato grumbles and looks back, ‘What is it, Tanaka?’ Kenji replies, ‘You still have your evening shift?? Why are you already leaving??’ Manato takes a deep breath and responds calmly, ‘I told you yesterday that I’d be out... I-’ Kenji interrupts, ‘I don’t want to hear it. Get back to your shift.’ Manato takes another deep breath. ‘Well? Are you gonna get back in or not?’ Kenji asks with a smug face. Manato walks up to him and says with a piercing glare, ‘I found someone to cover for me. For once, respect the work I do.’ Kenji tries to reply, but Manato interrupts him, ‘Kenji, your incompetence is astounding. Maybe try learning how to manage a schedule before you question mine.’ The coffee shop falls into silence as Manato walks out, while his coworkers giggle in the background.
Noa watches the scene unfold but pretends to not notice. ‘Shall we go?’ Manato’s anger from earlier doesn’t fully dissipate, but it starts to clear up. ‘Where did you plan to go?’ Noa responds, ‘Well, it's 11 AM. You wanna go eat? Assuming you haven’t eaten thus far?’ Manato replies, ‘Sure...’ Noa notices that Manato’s mood is still down and asks, ‘How about you? Where do you wanna go?’ Manato replies, ‘Anywhere, honestly. Just not anywhere near here.’ Noa ponders, ‘It’s lunch already. We can eat at the new restaurant nearby if you’re up for that?’ Manato responds swiftly, ‘Sure... I’ll just follow along. I don’t even know where it is anyways...’ Noa smiles and leads him to the restaurant, subtly looking around her surroundings. Manato follows her, still with a hint of confusion in his eyes.
Noa walks up to the restaurant. ‘This one!’ she says enthusiastically to Manato. ‘Huh? Didn’t this open 3 months ago?’ Manato says, confused. ‘Oh, did it? Sorry, I don’t go out much...’ Noa replies. As they both enter the restaurant, the dim lights hang above them. Noa sits down at a table near the window. ‘So... why’d you randomly ask me to meet up? Especially since we don’t even know each other that well...’ Manato asks as he sits down across from her and opens the menu.
Uh... I was feeling bored...? And uh... I was looking for a reason to get out...’ Noa replies nervously. ‘Oh, okay...’ Manato replies nonchalantly as he closes the menu, and they order. ‘So... how's work?’ Noa asks, hoping she gets an answer. ‘You’re trying to make small talk, huh?’ Manato replies and giggles. ‘Yeah... I don’t know much about you except for the fact you work at the coffee shop...’ Noa replies, giggling as well. Manato sighs, ‘Nothing really... just... yeah, it's nothing.’
Noa’s expression shows confusion as she subtly looks out of the window. ‘Uh... I'm gonna excuse myself to the bathroom... if I may?’ Noa asks. ‘Yeah, sure.’ As Noa leaves, Manato thinks to himself, ‘Hmm, I really can’t think straight... I haven’t eaten anything at all, with Kenji and all... Ugh... Let me just forget about it...’ He says as his stomach grumbles. He leans on the table and looks out the window.
After a few minutes, their food arrives, and Manato waits for Noa to come back. After a few minutes, she arrives and sits down across from him. ‘Sorry! I took a bit long...’ Noa says as she prepares her chopsticks. ‘No worries, I’m already ready to eat.’ Manato also prepares his utensils, and they start to eat. Someone passes by them but stops and looks at Manato. ‘Manato? Is that you?’ Akari says. ‘Oh... didn’t know you ever ate here...’ Manato replies in a forced happy tone. Akari responds, ‘I normally don’t, but I'm visiting a friend today. Also, I heard what you did in the coffee shop earlier!’
"Manato’s eye twitches slightly. He replies back in a forced smile, ‘Yeah... what about it...’ Akari replies, ‘Well... I heard from other coworkers that Kenji is planning to report you to HR for the scene you caused earlier...’ Manato stays silent. It struck a nerve in him. His grip tightens around the fork as he replies coldly, ‘Thank you for informing me.’ Akari feels the tension and says lastly, ‘Uh... I’ll be heading to my friend now... Good luck though...’
Noa stays silent the entire time, letting the scene unfold. It took a while, but it went according to her expectations. As Akari walks away, Manato shakes it off and asks, ‘Sorry... something happened at work today,’ he says and keeps eating. Noa acts unaware and replies, ‘Oh, was there? Sorry about that... did I invite you at a bad time?’ Manato replies suddenly, ‘Not at all! It happened unexpectedly. You couldn’t have known. Let's just... skip over this topic now...’ Noa smiles and adds on, ‘Oh, it's fine if you don’t want to discuss this with me. Maybe another time?’ Manato smiles awkwardly and responds, ‘Uh... sure...’ as he starts to eat his food."
They finish their meals and pay for their respective meals. ‘So... what now?’ Manato asks. Noa replies swiftly, ‘We can hang around in the park if you want? How about you? Where do you wanna go?’ Manato visibly thinks and responds, ‘We can hang around in the park, just so we can plan where to go next.’ Noa smiles, and they head off to the park. Noa is slightly frustrated but doesn’t let it show. She sits on the bench; Manato sits on the grass and asks, ‘I don’t really know much about you. Is there anything you want to share?’
Noa spaces out. She noticed something but shrugs it off again. ‘Huh? Sorry, I was... uh... spacing out... again...’ Manato asks again, ‘It's fine... but maybe we can get to know each other a little more? And also, why did you decide to invite me so randomly?’ Noa giggles and replies, ‘Untrustworthy much? Uh, sure though... Do you wanna start?’ Manato replies, ‘Sure... uh... I’m in my final year of university and... I play video games in my free time... I’m not that interesting... You?’ Noa replies, ‘I’m in my 3rd year of university—oh wow, we’re almost similar in age... I’m not that interesting at all either...’ Noa sighs briefly. Manato notices but doesn’t acknowledge it.
*A few minutes pass\*
‘Have you decided where to go yet?’ Manato asks.
‘No... Do you need to do something? We can cancel early if you—’ But Manato interrupts Noa.
‘Not really... I’m free the entire day. Just curious...’
Noa thinks and recalls something. ‘Hey... do you live with any of your family?’
Manato, confused, asks, ‘That’s a random question to ask. But, uh... well, my cousins live close by. But no, not really...’
Noa, visibly annoyed, asks, ‘How about your parents?’
Manato stays silent. It obviously struck a chord in him. Noa asked cautiously, knowing what might happen, ‘Manato, you okay? Uh, sensitive topic?’
‘No... not really... Sorry, yeah— It's kind of sensitive...’ Manato says nervously.
Noa smiles and responds, ‘I just realized something...’
Manato sighs and asks, ‘What is it?’
Noa replies joyfully, ‘You act really differently compared to when we first met.’ Noa has a warm smile on her face.
Manato’s cheek reddens a little. ‘Uh... yeah— That's a good point... Why were you there on the bench anyways?’
Noa tilts her head in confusion, ‘Hm? What do you mean? I was just taking shelter from the storm.’
Manato clarifies, ‘Well, yeah, I get that, but... why were you there? Were you visiting someone in the hospital and just got unlucky with the storm?’

“At That moment, The feeling repeated again.. It was the same feeling She felt in the hospital, Like.. all time stopped at that moment”
In a genuine moment of weakness, Noa spoke shakily, ‘Uh... I— Well... umm...’ Noa couldn’t speak... like all the air was sucked out of her lungs. She sighed, ‘Um... it's... it's kind of complicated...’
Manato responds softly, ‘I... I mean, we just met... you don’t need to disclose that kind of information to me. Don’t worry...’
Noa puffs up her chest, the wind cascading softly as her hair is gently thrown off. ‘Well... I got... uh... diagnosed with Tranquilim... I don’t know if you know it but... I—’ She puts down her facade and buries her face in her arms.
Manato gets up and sits beside her, ‘Tranquilim...?’
Noa looks at Manato with confusion and teary-eyed, ‘Y-yeah?’
Manato sighs, ‘I heard it's painless. My brother... he died with it while he was still a teen.’
Noa looks to Manato in shock and gratitude, ‘I'm sorry... but... thank you... it made me feel a little better.’
Manato smiles at Noa with a contented smile, ‘No problem. My brother had a bright future but he died a few months after his diagnosis. You’re lucky to even be here.’
Noa breathes slowly and responds, ‘I'm... thank you... I didn’t know that... I don’t know what to say...’
Manato responds back, ‘You never gave me your contact info... maybe we could stay in contact if you want?’
Noa smiles back and replies, ‘Ah... sorry, I was in a rush at the time...’ She quickly writes her details on a piece of paper and hands him the paper. ‘I’ll be heading off now... thanks for... giving me reassurance...’
Manato replies softly, ‘No problem. Maybe we could meet up again if you want to? Although if you have plans I won’t bother.’ Manato chuckles and walks off.
Noa smiles back and replies, ‘Ah... sorry, I was in a rush at the time...’ She quickly writes her details on a piece of paper and hands him the paper. ‘I’ll be heading off now... thanks for... giving me reassurance...’
Manato replies softly, ‘No problem. Maybe we could meet up again if you want to? Although if you have plans I won’t bother.’ Manato chuckles and walks off.
Noa walks off, a hint of guilt residing within her. She shrugs it off and rushes over to her apartment. ‘I... That's... he was the first person I ever told about this condition...’ Noa feels a release in her chest, and she feels like she could finally breathe for once. But she wasn’t done yet; she still had plans.
Manato walks away nonchalantly. He figured something was up even from the phone call. ‘I wonder what she was trying to do...’ he chuckles. ‘She talked to Akari instead of going to the bathroom earlier. I spotted her going out and talking to him... It only clicked right now, though...’ He groans. ‘I have work tomorrow too...’

Hi ladies. Wanted to get others’ thoughts on a difficult situation. I’ve talked to close friends and family about this relationship and they’ve encouraged me to let this friendship end, but I want to hear others’ perspectives, especially if you’ve been through it.
Me (32F) and my husband (40M) have been friends with another couple for almost ten years. Let’s call them Bob and Carol (not their real names). Bob and Carol (31F and 41M) knew my husband before we started dating because my husband has been friends with Bob since middle school. He was my hubby’s best man at our wedding. When my hubby introduced us during the initial dating period, I really liked them. Bob was funny and had my sense of humor and Carol was sweet and kind. She told me she didn’t have a lot of friends and she struggled with anxiety and insecurity, and often Bob’s other friends’ wives wouldn’t talk to her. We became friends and I truly valued our relationship. They got pregnant unexpectedly after getting married, and we still remained close. I love their son and they asked us to be his godparents.
Fast forward through Covid, life, etc. My husband and I got pregnant in 2020 and had a baby girl the following May. We were so excited when Bob and Carol also announced they were pregnant and would have a girl six months after us! Yay! At the same time, my husband began moving up in his career and started to make a lot of money. Bob and Carol are working class but I grew up working class and have never rubbed money in their faces. I’m been privileged to be able to stay home and take care of my daughter while my husband works, and I only say that because I think it may have contributed to the friendship decline.
When Bob and Carol had their daughter, things changed. We saw them less, they texted our group text less, and when we were together, my husband and I were uncomfortable with how they treated their daughter. They openly blamed her for making their lives harder. They yelled at her (an infant), ignored her, and complained about her constantly. This disturbed us.
Fast forward a year after their daughter is born. Carol texts me and asks if I can talk. She calls me and tells and tells me that she overheard Bob having phone sex with a coworker not once but twice. I encouraged her to talk to him and tried to be there for her, comforting her but also empowering her to stand up for herself and her marriage. Instead, she told me that she was probably just imagining it and wouldn’t say anything. I was shocked. Especially when her husband got fired.
After that, she pulled away from me. She wouldn’t respond to texts either individually or in our group. She’d invite me last minute to a birthday or family function and ignore me the whole time. Even my husband noticed. When we did hang out occasionally, she’d never be alone with me and she would point out things about me that she wished she could do (I wrote my first book and plan to publish this year). She’d be awkward and share how their daughter still wasn’t speaking and was behind in a lot of areas, and was annoying and draining. We have very different parenting styles and I never compared us, but she would and even if I tried to be gracious and self-deprecating, I felt a gap.
Now, she’s no longer responding to our group texts and they’ve bailed on our daughter’s 3rd birthday party (after missing last year’s and all my birthdays and my husband’s 40th). I think I’m done and I think I should just let the friendship die. I hate it because I wanted our kids to grow up together and I miss our friendship but it’s never been the same since she asked for my advice over the infidelity, and I don’t think she wants to face me.
Thoughts?

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I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Icy-Frame-666. She posted in AITAH.
Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the rec!

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Trigger Warning: infidelity; untreated ADHD (alleged;) unhealthy relationships
Mood Spoiler: just a mess and frustrating
Meme Spoiler: My boyfriend and I reading this:gif
Original Post: April 21, 2024
My husband and I have been married for 9 years. In 2021, we found out my husband was being sued for child support.
Turns out my husband had an affair shortly after we were married. It nearly ended our marriage, but we went to counseling together and I agreed to stay in the marriage with the following provisions:
My husband was to get a second job so that his child support payments did not affect our household budget and that at no point in time would I ever consider having a relationship with this child. If he wanted to pursue one with them, fine. But I have absolutely zero interest in this kid.
So my husband has been getting to know his kid over the past couple years and recently my husband came to me and informed me that there was some sort of baby mamma drama. Apparently, she has to self-surrender in May and is going to be incarcerated for 8 months.
My husband told me that he needed to take custody while his affair partner is locked up, otherwise the kid would have to go to their grandparents who basically live on the opposite coast from us. Their kid doesn't want to have to change schools or be so far away from their friends, dad and mom (she will be doing her time fairly local to us).
So, after my husband told me that, I got up and left the house. I went to the grocery store on the corner and grabbed a copy of our area's apartment guide went back home and handed it to him.
He asked if I were serious. I told him I still felt the same way as I did 3 years ago. He said he didn't think that was fair considering the extenuating circumstances.
I told him I don't care about the circumstances. His kid is not welcome in my home, if he wanted to take custody I will grant him an amicable divorce, but I am not changing my mind. I am not taking care of some other chick's kid.'
Edit (April 22, 2024- Next Day)
EDIT - For all the people concerned about what a whip cracker I am in making my poor husband work 2 jobs... He has never had a fulltime job since we have been together. He works 2 part time retail jobs now that add up to 40-50 hours a week.
He currently only has supervised visitation with his kid. The see each other once or twice a month for a couple hours with a social worker present.
And for those who seem to think that I need to be the one to file for divorce. No. I will not. I am not the one who created this situation. If my husband wants to pursue custody, I have told him I will not fight it. I will grant him an amicable divorce and let him be on his way.
However, I am not going to waste my own time, energy, and money to do so! He is responsible for getting his own ducks in a row for the situation he created. That includes being the one to go through the headache of filing.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: What’s funny is getting a second job will increase his child support payments as well

OOP: Yep! It certainly did!
But now he is still able to contribute the same amount to our household that he was contributing before instead of having to pay his CS out of the amount our household budget was based on.
I wasn't making financial sacrifices for a kid I didn't consent to. So he had to pick up a 2nd part time job (He works 2 part time jobs now equaling to 40-50 hours per week)

Commenter: NTA. You were clear. Now he's trying to convince you to change your mind. If he wants custody during this, he can do it alone. What is the legal status on the house?

OOP: The house is owned by me outright. It was a premarital asset (inherited from my grandparents) and we have a prenup that protects my ownership of it.

Commenter: NTA I LOVE this for you! You made your boundaries clear and now he cant keep his side of the bargain. You arent telling him not to be a father, but if his AFFAIR child has to live with HIM, then he cant live with YOU.

OOP: Yes. This is basically it. I never even wanted to have kids of my own.
(in response to a commenter asking if they agreed to be child free): We did. 1st date question: "Do you want kids someday?" NO!

Commenter: Wow, he picked a winner to procreate with (she’s going to fecking prison?!) NTA. I wouldn’t want that kid around. I wouldn’t want anything to do with any of it.

OOP: Federal prison
(why?) Drugs

Commenter: ALSO, what's with him only having SUPERVISED visits with the kid at this point in time? That is usually due to some legal issue in his background that does not bode well either.

OOP: That was what the court mandated at the time
"That is usually due to some legal issue in his background that does not bode well either."
Let's just say I am not surprised that someone from "his crowd" ended up in jail.\
My husband does have a history, he has an untreated condition that leads to higher rates of impulsivity, addiction, etc.
He has been clean for the most part since we have been together, except for a time shortly after we married where he had a relapse following the death of someone close. That is around the time the affair happened.
I didn't know about the affair at the time, but I knew about the other troubles. I got him in rehab and we worked through that rough patch.

Commenter: Why can't the kid go to the grandparents?

OOP: They can.
I'm guessing that my husband's savior complex has popped up. Kid is sad about having to move cause mom is going to jail. Husband is trying to "fix it" without actually thinking things through (on going issue with him)
He's only spent around 100 hours or so with this kid. He's never had them overnight or ever really even cared for them. He's only done visitation and fun outtings.

Commenter: How is someone who is only allowed supervised visitation a couple times a month for a few hours, suddenly getting custody?

OOP: Fuck if I know.
I have zero to do with any of that. All I know is my husband meets with his kid with a social worker and then one day he told me baby mama was going to jail and if he didn't take them in, kid was going to their grandparents.
I wouldn't put it past my husband to part the cart before the horse. He might not even legally be able to get custody right now. All I know is he said he wanted his kid to live here while baby mama is locked up

Commenter: The grandparents raised the mother who had an affair with a married man and is going to jail. That doesn't sound like people I'd trust a child with.

OOP: But you would trust my husband? The man who had an affair and was romantically involved with a criminal? The grandparents have been in the kid's life a lot longer than my husband has been!

Commenter: Girl, you stayed married to him. What do you mean! 😂

OOP: I love him. I would never have kids with him (in some alternate universe where I wanted them)
I don't trust him to look after the dogs by himself.
He has executive functioning issues. Like, kind of severe ones.
They are an annoyance to me, but I am an adult capable of taking care of myself. It would... not be good... to be a person who is dependent on my husband.
He is fun to be around, but not reliable.

Commenter: How severe are we talking?
Do you think he (or the court) could be convinced to send the kid the grandparents if he can't be trusted to keep his own kid safe?

OOP: Untreated and fairly severe ADHD.
Not the "occasional forgetfulness" and the "having trouble focusing kind"
But the kind that comes along with emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, addiction, hyperfixation to the point of self-neglect, etc.
Like if he were a custodial parent, that kid is going to be sitting alone at school for hours because he "lost track of time" and when those teenage hormonal outburts from the kid hit, he is the kind of person who would stoop to their level and make it an all out screaming match (I've seen that shit with his nephews)

Commenter: Why are you married to this person? Everyone deserves someone who can be a true partner to them

OOP: He's super fun and has great energy and makes me smile every day.
No, he is not full "partner" material, but, I realized that I don't need that in order to be fulfilled in a relationship
(to another commenter asking why they stay married): Love and companionship.
The affair and my boundaires about his affair child aside, we actually really do love each other.

Commenter (downvoted): I feel like although your husband is the AH for putting you in this position. You are handling it like the AH too. If this is how you felt so strongly you should have divorced him. You expect your husband to go to everything alone? Graduations? Weddings? Holidays?
I feel bad for the kid.

OOP: "You expect your husband to go to everything alone? Graduations? Weddings? Holidays?"
Yep.
I told him I would not be a part of the kid's life. If he wanted to stay married to me, he would have to accept that. Otherwise, we would pursue divorce.
He begged me not to divorce and said he wanted to fix our relationship.
"I feel bad for the kid."
Yep. The kid got dealt a shitty fucking hand.
But... not my kid. Not my responsibility. Is where I'm at.

Update Post: May 25, 2024 (just over 1 month later)
After posting, my husband and I continued to discuss the situation. I held firm and iterated again I will not live with a child and if my husband wants to pursue this, he will have to find other housing
We discussed divorce. We discussed temporarily separating. We discussed a lot. We sat down and had a pretty big financial talk (he is not involved in our financial planning) I showed him the numbers he realistically had to work with.
I told my husband the truth, that while I love him, I won't lose sleep if we divorce. He has to do what's right for his own happiness and his kid.
My husband had a bit of a breakdown over that. There was a lot of crying and him telling me that he loved me and didn't want to lose me. I broke down myself. We had a real good cry together. He asked if we could go back to our marriage counselor.
So, I made an appointment. We went. We discussed the same things above but with a counselor present.
It basically boils down to my husband being very overwhelmed and conflicted about everything. He confessed he didn't really want to be an active parent but feels like he is supposed to (there's some deep stuff in there about his own family and race tied into that. So complicated emotions). He is terrified of losing me. He wants to prioritize our marriage. Hearing me say that I wouldn't lose sleep over divorcing left him shook.
Our counselor strongly suggested that my husband get into individual therapy and gave some referrals. My husband has not pursued that.
It did become pretty obvious to my husband that he was not in a place mentally or financially where he could take full custody though. So the kid is now in Virginia with maternal grandparents.
My husband was actually going to go and visit the kid for their birthday this weekend. I gifted my husband some of my airline miles to buy his plane ticket. I did his laundry last night while he was at work so he'd have clean stuff to pack.
However, my husband dropped the ball on his trip. I had a plans for this afternoon that I left early for so I wasn't home when he was supposed to get up and leave. He stayed up late playing video games last night and overslept. Ended up missing his flight and couldn't afford last minute tickets on another. He's in a pissy mood and is playing elder scrolls now trying to get his mind off of it.
I've got my sister and some friends coming over in a few for a salsa canning party in a bit so I'm hoping he gets into a good grove with his game because I am going to have so much margarita.
OOP's one comment:
Commenter: He's terrified of losing you, but also won't do anything to better his own mental state and somehow make some sense of this situation by going to individual therapy? He intentionally sabotages his own trip to see his kid, after you literally gave him everything to make it happen, and now he's playing games and not contributing to preparing for a dinner party?
It honestly sounds like he's trying to wear you down, so you just agree to let the kid move in, without him doing anything.

OOP: "and not contributing to preparing for a dinner party?"
While you have very valid points, this one is not a fault of his. He actually did offer to help, and he did all of the heavy lifting to get it set up yesterday when I asked.
He wasn't supposed to be here tonight. So he isn't invited to this party. It is a girl's night thing. My friends and I bought a few pecks of tomatoes, jalapenos and onions from the farmer's market and are getting together to make and can salasa together. We all share the chopping and dicing while having a few drinks and snacks then when its all done we each get several jars of salsa.
Lots of shade can be thrown at my husband, but not helping prepare for dinner and stuff is not one of them.

Top Comment:
Commenter: OP. Wisdom is chasing after you, but you’re clearly way too fast.

Again, do not comment on Original Posts.

(No matter how much you might want to. Do your screaming in these comments lol)