Hi! I'm 23 weeks pregnant and noticed a few weeks ago that l'm already getting some diastasis recti. Its scaring me a little bit since there are still quite a few months left and my belly isn't really bit yet. So my question is: should I start working on fixing/healing it already during pregnancy (or wait until after birth) or should I only focus on not making it worse?

Hi! I‘m 23 weeks pregnant and noticed a few weeks ago that I‘m already getting some diastasis recti. Its scaring me a little bit since there are still quite a few months left and my belly isn’t really bit yet. So my question is: should I start working on fixing/healing it already during pregnancy (or wait until after birth) or should I only focus on not making it worse?

Long story short, I stopped my medication (Citalopram) when I was pregnant. After giving birth, and after my kid turned 1 year, I started back on 20mg/daily until today. My kid's already 2 and my breast doesn't producing milk. There is also some milk leaking from time to time although I have stop breastfeeding him. Can it happen because of the prescription? Or a combination of my hormonal changes + prescription? Has anyone else experience this?

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Their captor, a large man holding a gun says “only one gets to walk out alive”
The captives began pleading their case on why they should be the one to be spared.
Captive A says he has a family and a sick wife and if he dies no one will be left to take care of his children.
Captive B says he is a doctor and if he gets to continue his cancer research then several lives in the future could be saved.
Captive C with her big belly cries and says she is pregnant and killing her would surely kill her child.
The captor looks at all of them confused and shoots all three and walks out.
He smirks “I never said it would be one of them”

I am not even talking about scriptural problems within the bible, You don't have to open a single bible to start seeing the problems,
1-) The Problem of Salvation and Faith (Why the plan of salvation is ridiculous, and has failed)
I.The ridiculousness of the plan
A. Demanding blood for remission of sins Heb 9:22 - Why is this the terms that god insists upon? Isn't he the architect of the parameters regarding sin, punishment, and forgiveness? Is he not able to forgive sin without blood sacrifice? Can he not say, “No blood sacrifice necessary, I just forgive you?”
B. God sacrificing himself to himself to save us from himself by creating a loophole in the architecture for condemnation he engineered in the first place? This is your solution for a problem in which you yourself are the problem. It’s like a doctor stabbing people to be able to operate and save them.
C. Dying for someone else's crime does not equal justice in any court.
D. The sacrifice was not a sacrifice at all :

1. Jesus is said to be eternal
2. He spent a few days in misery out of his billions of years plus of existence
3. He spent a minutiae of a fraction of his existence suffering knowing he would be resurrected after the ordeal and spend eternity in divine luxury, and that somehow provides him justification to sentence us to trillions of years of eternity suffering without end?
4. Jesus is a supernatural immortal who suffered temporary mortal punishment and then sentences mortals to supernatural eternal punishment if they do not receive his sacrifice.
5. Why is three days of punishment followed by eternity in glory sufficient for all the horrible deeds any man has ever committed, but billions of years suffered in hell by a good moral person who does not believe due to lack of evidence is not sufficient?

2-) Nature of The Christian god
I. He is supposed to be an all Powerful and All mighty being and yet he died on a cross by his own creation (If you see someone claiming to be god and then you saw him hie before your very eyes, How on earth are you supposed to conclude anything else other than "This guy is a liar"?)
Modern Christians would respond to this saying "Only the Human part died, The Divine part wasn't affected"
Which again, doesn't make any sense :
A. Even when assuming a human sacrifice is somehow necessary for salvation, The sacrifice of 1 Human being can never be Enough to atone for the sins of all of mankind since Adam and Eve till the return of jesus.
I found a Coptic pope explaining this issue in detail, Here is a link to his book, https://st-takla.org/books/en/pope-shenouda-iii/nature-of-christ/propitiation-and-redemption.html
Quoting from it : "The belief in the One Nature of the Incarnate Logos is essential, necessary and fundamental for redemption. Redemption requires unlimited propitiation sufficient for the forgiveness of the unlimited sins of all the people through all ages. There was no solution other than the Incarnation of God the Logos to offer this through His Divine Power.
Thus, if we mention two natures and say that the human nature alone performed the act of redemption, it would have been entirely impossible to achieve unlimited propitiation for man's salvation. Hence comes the danger of speaking of two natures, each having its own specific tasks. In such case, the death of the human nature alone is insufficient."
It's very clear that saying only the human part died doesn't make any sense, Even according to the Christian theology itself.
B. The Trinity is based on a false idea
I know, It's a classic Argument against Christianity but you can't deny that it's an actual damning argument against the Christian theology.

1. God is all knowing but Jesus wasn't all knowing (mark 13:32)
2. Jesus is supposed to be god, but he is praying to himself to save himself with cries and tears?? (Luke 22:41-44)
3. Jesus is god but we can't say he is good because only god is good?? (Luke 18:18-19)
4. God can't be tempted by evil (James 1:13) but yet jesus was tempted by satan?? (Matthew 4:1)
5. Jesus is god but he can't do a thing on his own?? (John 5:31) 6.Jesus is supposed to be the same as the father, But their teachings are different? (John 7:16)

And so many more, Throught the bible i can't help but notice the intense number of verses which clearly states Jesus can't be god.
3-) The Problem of a Historical Jesus (Why we don’t know the actual historical Jesus)
I. No contemporary historical evidence,
A. No historian alive during Jesus day wrote about Jesus despite ample opportunity

1. The kings coming to his birth
2. Herod’s slaughter of baby boys
3. The overthrowing of money changers
4. Jesus triumphant entry into Jerusalem where he is declared king by the whole town.
5. Darkness covering the whole earth for hours on Jesus’ Death
6. The earthquakes at Jesus’ death
7. The rending of the temple veil at Jesus’ Death
8. The resurrection of Jesus that was seen by 500 witnesses.(Only Paul claims that, even tho he never met jesus)

II. The Gospels are contradicting, late hearsay accounts
A. Mark, the earliest gospel, was written at least after 70 A.D. (referencing fall of temple) by a non-eyewitness, and makes numerous cultural and geographical errors that a Jewish writer would not have made such as locations of rivers, cultural customs regarding divorce, locations of towns or Jesus quoting from the greek Septuagint etc. (see geographical and historical errors in this link, https://holtz.org/Library/Philosophy/Metaphysics/Theology/Christianity/Criticism/Bible%20Problems%20by%20Packham%201998.htm#ERRORS )
B. The other gospels all copied from Mark. Luke and Matthew contain over 70% of Mark and mainly make changes in attempts to fix blatant errors made in Mark and to correct Mark’s poor grammar.The writer of Luke even reveals to us in Luke 1:2 that he was not an eyewitness, but that the story has been passed down to him.
C. Four where chosen by the church father Iraeneus because he believed the earth was founded on four pillars and so too, should the gospels be founded by only four accounts.
Iraenus also revealed the names of the Gospels in the late second century, without any reason to assume they where the authentic authors - no one knows who actually wrote them!
D. John was initially considered heretical by the early church because of its variation from the synoptic but was overwhelmingly popular amongst Christians and so was included.
E. The book of Revelations was also considered heretical by many :
For centuries The Revelation was a rejected book. In the 4th century, St.John Chrysostom and other bishops argued against it. Christians in Syria also reject it. The Synod of Laodicea: c. 363, rejected The Revelation. In the late 380s, Gregory of Nazianus produced a canon omitting The Revelation. Bishop Amphilocus of Iconium, in his poem Iambics for Seleucus written some time after 394, rejects The Revelation. When St.Jerome translated the Bible into Latin, producing the Vulgate bible c. 400, he argued for the Veritas Hebraica, meaning the truth of the Jewish Bible over the Septuagint translation. At the insistence of the Pope, however, he added existing translations for what he considered doubtful books: among them The Revelation. The Church in the East never included the Revelation.
4-) The early church did not seem to know anything about a historical Jesus. Huge amounts of disagreement over Jesus in the first hundred years :

1. Some churches didn’t even believe he had a physical body, prompting Paul to write about that very issue.
   
2. There was an enormous debate between all the major early churches as to whether Jesus was divine or not, this was settled at the council of Nicea by the Roman Emperor Constantine.
   

5-) Which Bible?
A. Over 450 English versions of the bible All are translated using different methods and from entirely different manuscripts
B. Thousands of manuscripts disagreeing with each other wildly in what verses and even books they contain.
C. Different translations teach entirely different things in places, some often leaving out entire chapters and verses or containing footnotes warning of possible error due to uncertainty about the reliability of the numerous manuscripts.
Take a look at this example, 1- Revised standard version 2- Revised standard version Catholic edition 3- NEW revised standard version Updated edition 4- NEW revised standard version Catholic edition 5- NEW revised standard version, Anglicised 6- NEW revised standard version, Anglicised Catholic edition
How many attempts would it take to finally get it right ?!
6-) The Morality of the bible
I don't like using Morality as an argument because i believe it's a subjective thing, But I cannot help but notice how the morals of the OT and the NT are completely contradictory
In the OT god was Angry, Vengeful, Demands war, order genocides, Ordered the killing of children and even the ripping open of pregnant women.
But in the NT he somehow became loving, a father figure, saying if anyone hits you you shouldn't even respond back.

• In Conclusion: I don't think Christianity can be accepted as the truth by any logical person (Even most convert stories i heard were basically "I saw jesus in a dream" or "The holy spirit held my hand")

There is so many Theological confusion, A salvation idea that makes 0 sense, Lack of any form of historical critirea of knowing what is true manuscripts and what is hearsays (The authors of the gospels are all Anynomous),
There is even disagreement within Christianity itself about what stories go into the bible (Many stories have been found out to be false like John 8:1-11 and Mark 16:18)
https://textandcanon.org/does-the-woman-caught-in-adultery-belong-in-the-bible/
The lack of consistency on literally everything makes it one of the least convincing religion in my opinion.

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Okay so some back story, we met at work6 years ago, she was shy and quiet and the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
She already had a kid I knew that and also thought it was absolutely worth it. She did tell me not to worry about the kid which I did think was weird and I told her I was serious so I would not be doing that.
Anyway 3 years we decide that I had a new very well paying job and we both wanted a baby. It took a while but it worked out eventually and I have a beautiful daughter now. My relationship with her son was constantly strained as she just never allowed me to be a role model or a dad to him just constantly blocking activities of just me or him or if I had to do any sort of parenting she would immediately undermine me and coddle him all the time.
Anyway this is where the problems start. The moment she was pregnant she got aggressive and mean. Now I know that can be part of it, women have it rough. But I mean really mean. This is in the UK she was on benefits (this is not to be rude it was her best choice) so her income was real low and I had to do most of the buying etc.
I did everything for her. Took her out bought her things. Showed her affection took her and her son on things that she could never afford and I did treat her really well. I got a bit distant when the abuse was constant, everyday it was something else. Like literally insulting me for how I looked or dressed or a wet towel literally in the hamper, you get the picture it was not nice.
We even got a house which was a joint effort through a housing scheme. I dropped all my savings into that house even levelled the garden (we didn’t even have a finished bathroom) cos she told me she wanted it. I did a lot of it myself. Laid the floors pulled waste (like almost 2t of concrete) out of the garden ground and levelled it almost completely alone.
This is all to say that I did so much for her I truly loved her and to me it didn’t matter she was yelling and shouting everyday cos we were going to make it work. Anyway a year and a 1/2 in the house and it’s almost daily. Shouting screaming. Not all one sided anymore but I had been chipped away that much.
I left. This is my biggest mistake of my life, as she got to do what she wanted. She truly didn’t want me there.
She swears she begged for me to come back or said we should go counselling. I can tell you she did not even message me. Only responding to me or messaging if she wanted something.
I never should of left I loved those 2 kids (I still try to see the son as much as possible - she still tries to interfere) and I see my daughter less than 50% against my will.
I gave her everything, things she never would have had in her life. The house now would still be unfinished if it wasn’t for what I put in.
This is what I need help with. She is almost 31 and she’s got with a 21 year old at work. This is kind of grim to me. I have been asking to come back try for the kids and I love her so much etc etc.
She’s got with someone a decade younger who doesn’t drive has dropped out of college and she says he’s mature but I have met him and he goes out drinking and partying. To me this is a selfish choice as this is not someone who benefits or even cares for the kids.
She’s allowed to be with whoever she wants I get that. And even though I tried my best together and after and I should feel I tried my best but I just feel defeated
A 21 year old she works with. No drive no ambition, (these are facts not attacks on him, I used to work there too. He’s happy to stay minimum wage and does not care to even learn to drive) over me who gave both those kids everything I could and I really did treat her so well truly sucks
She said it’s cos we didn’t have a good connection??? We had a kid together moved in together and then she begged to get a dog with me for the kids even though she hates dogs? To me that makes no sense
The advice now for me is what am I suppose to do? How do I get over her new partner? Again she can do what she wants and yea she says it’s serious and so does he. And what do I do about the son I care a lot but I get a lot of mixed messages about how it should be handled.
Full clarification i unfortunately do still love her. She was the only person I have ever been with emotionally and physically so maybe there’s strong emotions I don’t understand on my end that she doesn’t have? She truly just tossed me away
Sorry final bit I don’t know where to fit it in
We (just me) tried again this year (05 Jan - 6th March) I spent loads of money treating her and the time I got back with the kids. I played with the kids and gave her breaks from them (which is something I did not do well before) but she did not do anything in return emotionally or even try messaging me I had to do everything. Turned out she was messaging this 21 year old for at least a week before that ended.
Thank you for any input
EDIT: I feel like I just need to be clear about the partner cos I know it’s not all about what you offer and what you can do. I just feel like why not someone your age? Or someone who can at least provide experience to those kids? She has said she never wants kids again and apparently he says he doesn’t want one? To me this is just weird I don’t think a 21 year old would truthfully be able to answer that question? Yeh probably doesn’t want kids now but maybe in future when he’s got more figured out. And like I said he’s got no motivation and no drive. It is truly a hold up point for me.
I loved her and I did so much I don’t get how it can be just thrown away. She won’t even meet in person to talk it out. She just says ‘I’m with someone’ I have given up contacting now cos it seems that is truly what she wants. It’s been very depressing but there’s not much I can do about it

“We’re a meat family,” my dad would proudly tell strangers. He’d wait for the quizzical look, then launch into detail, starting with how many freezers we had, how long we could sustain ourselves on the contents. It was just his way of starting a conversation, which made sense when you considered that raising and home-killing animals for food was, for want of a better term, his life-long hobby. His prize possession was one of those industrial-sized vacuum sealers: you could put half a pig inside and wrap it in plastic so tightly that every wrinkle and skin fold waxed unreal with shiny detail.
If we hadn’t lived in a rural area, albeit semi-urbanised, I guess it would have been pretty weird. But the mostly farming-stock locals only found his extra enthusiasm a little bit odd.
When he wasn’t being a bit embarrassing talking about it, I never really paid much heed to his hobby. I had a child’s vaguely grateful awareness that though our family went through some lean financial times, our stomachs never suffered like some of the families around us. All the beef, pork, ham and bacon in those big old chest freezers passed down from his dad really could have fed us for years.
I should preface all this by saying that I wasn’t a particularly bright kid, though neither was I dumb. I didn’t fail badly at anything in school, I just never achieved beyond a pass. I didn’t know it yet back then, still quietly dreaming about being a ballet star or a dressage champion, but mediocrity was my destiny. And I think that’s why I got on so well with my Aunt Liz.
Liz was my dad’s live-in youngest sister. She was one of those women who get described as ‘bubbly’ — not really pretty, not really smart, not a lot going on besides just being… well, all Liz. But she was salt of the earth; kind, caring, and great with kids. She was the only person who would willingly mind my two older brothers, who fought like hellcats and caused more trouble than the whole last generation of my family combined. People would privately lament to my parents that it was a shame Liz didn’t have kids of her own, but dad would just shake his head and say Liz liked it that way – that all the fun of looking after kids is being able to give them back to their parents.
I guess she was like me; nice, but mediocre. Lovely, but somehow forgettable when she wasn’t doing something for you.
But when Liz left us, I couldn’t forget her.
In hindsight, it was pretty weird timing that we had a big fortieth birthday party for Liz right before she disappeared. She was radiant that night; she’d hired a local girl to do her hair and makeup, and it was honestly the first time I’d ever seen her look pretty. She’d even worn a push-up bra under a tight red dress, which flattered her very plump curves well enough that the neighbour’s farmhand was spotted disappearing into the woolshed with her for a snog. In my dawning awareness, that gave a plain girl hope: if Aunty Liz could get a guy at forty, maybe things would turn out okay for me.
Anyway, I couldn’t forget how her pink cheeks, her eyes, her whole self, glowed that night before Liz went to bed. She said it was the best birthday ever, and that she was very much looking forward to the next stage of her life.
Would I have done anything different, if I had known? If I had realised what, exactly, that next stage was?
The week after the party, Aunt Liz said she was going on a little holiday up north, to visit some old school friends. She packed her things – she didn’t honestly have that many – and drove her little orange mini out onto the main road. And with a wave of one fleshy hand, she was gone. Nobody really thought much of it when she didn’t call, because nobody rural had cellphones back then. And Liz was, as I said, somehow kinda forgettable when she wasn’t right in front of you.
When we hadn’t had contact for six weeks, Dad tracked down the land line numbers for their old school buddies. They were surprised to hear from him — Liz had never arrived, so they had just assumed she’d cancelled her visit. No-one had thought to check. I eavesdropped on the conversation, and it sounded for all the world like *they* had forgotten about Aunt Liz, too.
From there it became a missing person case. The local cops came and talked to all of us; the farmhand who’d been seen snogging her was briefly detained, then let go, dad got grilled at length, even my hellion brothers were questioned thoroughly to see if this was one of their wild and dangerous pranks gone wrong.
But everything was a dead end. Nobody knew where Liz was, or what had happened to her.
The remains of her old mini were found halfway across the country, burned out on a beach, on a derelict stretch of ragged, rocky coastline. The police assumed murder and combed the area for remains. But even the most expert divers couldn’t conquer the incredible undertow and fast-shifting seabed of that coastline to look for evidence, so none was forthcoming.
Eventually the cops collectively shrugged and said that there was really nothing more they could do unless more information suddenly came to light. The locals knew nothing, no witnesses had come forward, and the trail was cold. As far as anyone knew, poor aunt Liz had been murdered on some desolate beach, far away from her home.
It didn’t feel fair to me. She’d once mentioned wanting her remains buried on our farm, in the graveyard plot beside grandma and grandad.
So, in my grief, I went into her room to look for something of hers to bury beside them.
Like I said, Liz didn’t have many things. Her room was pretty spartan, and her wardrobe was mostly sensible farm stuff. There was one exception: she, like me, did like to read, and she had a pretty good collection of well-thumbed books. I think it’s the escapism – even the most mediocre girl can lose herself in the plot of some trashy romance novel, imagine there’s still hope of being swept off her feet by that handsome stableboy, his inexplicable yearning for chubby plain girls.
So I set myself the task of going through the books, to find the right one to bury in the graveyard plot.
Most of them were exactly what you’d expect, but some of them were racier than I was used to. I felt various parts of my body flushing and tingling, as I read breathless prose about calloused hands touching the softest flesh of the protagonist. Okay, if I’m honest with myself, I might have got a little *too* invested in my project at that point. But that was also why I persisted going through her entire collection, until I found the ragged paperback from 1970, entitled Tawny Sands. And inside that trashy cardboard romance cover, I discovered not the tale of Tawny Sands, but some carefully hand-cut, stitched-in pages. A handwritten story in my Aunt’s rounded penmanship: Memoirs of a Long Pig.
I read her story twice in a row, utterly gripped.
Aunt Liz was no Stephen King – heck, she wasn’t even the Goosebumps guy – but her story was gripping and compelling, and I couldn’t put it down. Even if I hadn’t known her, I think that would have been true.
The gist of it was that Liz, when she was sixteen, had discovered that our family had a very long history of eating what she described as ‘Long Pork’. It’s an antipodean term, anglicised from the Pacific Islands: human meat.
Like me, young Liz still had some hopes and dreams. In one of her many failed attempts to find a special talent, she’d taken up cooking as a hobby. Naturally, with our family’s overabundance of meat, she’d scoured the freezers in the shed for ingredients: the racks of ribs and stacks of pork chops, butcher-paper wrappings all neatly labelled with the first letter of the name of the animal they came from.
She found familiar meat from Rodney, one of the pigs that had been recently slaughtered, emblazoned with an ‘R’ in her father’s strong, blocky lettering. There were cutlets labelled ‘M’ for Mary, from one of the lambs she’d hand-reared, and ‘F’ for Ferdinand, the steer they’d killed the month before. But she couldn’t explain the many, many curious parcels of meat on one side of the huge freezer, all labelled ‘J’ – at least, not until she took it all out and assembled it as well as she could on the scoured concrete floor of the killing shed. A big, frozen jigsaw puzzle without the box, her best attempt to discover what kind of beast the pieces had come from.
The animal, she quickly realised, was a Long Pig. Her own Aunt Jenny, who had died the month before – just after her fortieth birthday.
Fortunately, or perhaps not, for Liz, her father entered the shed right at that moment and realised his daughter had discovered the family secret. He sat down calmly on the lid of the freezer, and explained to her that this was a long-running family tradition, dating back to at least before his grandfather had been born.
“There are always people in life, Liz,” he’d said, “who won’t really amount to much. They want to be useful, want to be more. They strive and they strive, trying job after job, hobby after hobby, trying to hit on something they’re really good at. Something that makes them special. Those people can waste their whole lives, chasing dreams that never come true. Eventually they die unfulfilled, knowing that all their time has been wasted. That what they leave behind will fade quickly.”
His voice was oddly gentle as he leaned down and patted one of the neatly wrapped cuts of Aunt Jenny, still sitting frozen on the shed floor.
“Your Aunt Jenny was one of those people. So was my Aunt Irene.” He paused to gaze at his daughter, his next words peppered with emphasis. “But you see, my sweet Liz, they did find a purpose in life. They did find a way to be special, and they left this world utterly certain of their gift.” He stood up, stretched his back. “Let me show you.”
Liz waited while my grandad meticulously stacked the meat back into the freezer, all but one J-marked parcel that looked for all the world like a thick venison steak. He took her back to the farmhouse, and reverently unwrapped the deep red, heavily marbled meat to let it thaw. Then he laid it in the family’s ancient, cast-iron pan, basting it with butter and rosemary until a heavenly scent filled the kitchen, and Aunt Liz couldn’t stop her mouth from watering.
“Just try it. Let her show you. You’ll see exactly what I’m talking about.”
Even though she knew it was her aunt, Liz couldn’t stop herself from taking that first bite. There was something transcendent about the smell, overriding her natural revulsion that this was human meat, not one of their farm animals. For the first time, she truly realised it: we’re just another kind of animal. And weren’t her memories of Mary the lamb almost as fond as her memories of Aunt Jenny?
Liz explained then, in her curly handwriting, the explosion of taste that had assaulted her when she tried the steak. It was tender, it was succulent, it was rich beyond imagining. The fats melted on her tongue, lingering somewhere between pork and beef, but oddly neither. The flavour of the meat defied identification; something familiar, yet not.
But one thing she couldn’t deny; it was the most delicious thing she had ever eaten. Tears dripped onto her plate, mingled with the juice, the grease — not grief, but a pure, real, giddy delight.
“You’re tasting your aunt’s love for this family,” my grandad explained. “Her entire life was carefully curated, to eventually make unforgettable moments for us, just like this. This was her way of being special. This was the greatest gift she could possibly bring to our world – and because she realised that, she died with not a single regret. She knew her life had purpose. She was perfectly, completely fulfilled.”
I felt those words. I felt them lodge in my own belly, settling uncomfortably deep. I knew Aunt Liz, probably better than anyone else in the family. I’d seen how fucking happy she’d been on her fortieth, how goddamn fulfilled she was, despite apparently being a *nobody* and achieving *nothing*. Somehow, in the space of a single day, she had gone from being a forgettable background character to becoming the *main character*, immortalising herself in our family’s history with her sacrifice. Quite literally becoming part of all of us, forever.
I went to the killing shed after I finished with the book. I looked inside the freezers.
But there were no vacuum-sealed packages labelled ‘L’, no matter how deep I dug into the frozen stacks of plastic-wrapped flesh. Panicked now, not sure if I wanted to connect all the dots or unconnect them, I tried to think back over the last few months, recall any meals that had been unusually good. A few Sundays ago, we’d had a stew that really hit the spot and left me craving more. And I realised that the family had a really good night that night; my brothers behaved themselves, my parents didn’t fight, and grandma and grandad had been there. Hadn’t they looked far more… expectant than they should have?
I strained my brain, trying to recall if I’d seen the homekill bag on the kitchen bench – if I’d registered what letter it was. I knew it wasn’t an L. I would have remembered if it was an L.
And then it hit me, the memory, the connection, sizzling as if branded with a hot iron.
It had been an ‘E’.
E for Elizabeth. Not for Edward the pig.
I snorted at my own stupidity – of *course* Liz was short for Elizabeth – and as I comprehended my lack of smarts, I felt something give inside me.
I wasn’t clever, and nothing, nothing would ever make me smart. I had no big talents. I wasn’t beautiful, or even cute – and even if I had a million plastic surgeries, it still wouldn’t fulfill me. It wouldn’t be real.
I was a Liz.
I was a Jenny.
I was whoever the first aunt had been, the aunt who had dedicated her life to making her flesh as delicious as possible, who had worked every damn minute to be the best Long Pig she could ever be.
I wondered how many magical family evenings had been spent eating Aunt Jenny. How many glorious, satisfying, memorable dishes had been made out of her.
And… I wanted that. I wanted to finally know I had a *purpose* in life. One so simple, and so easy to achieve.
I wanted what Aunt Liz had.
***
It's my fortieth birthday today and I’m so fucking excited. For the last twenty-four years, I’ve dedicated myself to this moment; I’ve eaten exactly what I needed to, I’ve exercised just enough, but not too much, to maintain that perfect balance of marbling vs tenderness. I’ve relaxed and meditated to keep all those amazing flavours inside of me. I’ve researched all the greatest meats in the world, from prime Angus beef to A5 Wagyu. I really think I may have outdone myself.
I’m having my hair and makeup done at the local salon this afternoon, and I’m going to look so pretty; all prize piggy on show at the fair. I’m even going to have a big red ribbon in my hair, in memory of Aunt Liz.
Maybe there’ll be a cute boy I can snog in the wool shed, maybe there won’t – I don’t really care; because the most important, most certain thing is that I’m going to be the most delicious Long Pig in the history of our entire family.
I’m going to make everyone so damn happy, and I’m just so glad I can share my story with you all, instead of hiding it in a grubby book like poor Aunt Liz.
My only real disappointment? That you won’t get to taste me.
Reader, I have loved, loved my life. My Long Pork will be out of this world: once tasted, never, ever forgotten.

Hi everyone I (20F) have anxiety n can’t sleep so I need outsider advice. I am currently 3 months pregnant. Me and my husband have a “friend group” (his friends from work the only ppl we have in our city due to being military). I left everything for my relationship, my family, my friends and even my university. I’ve been really trying to fit in and have some friendships. I was super excited to become friends or at least get along with my husbands buddies bc as he told me “they’re family” so I saw them as my second family. So imagine how even more excited I got when there were two girls in the group. Now I am an adult so I know I can’t force people to be my friend but I’ve known one girl (Hannah) for over a year now, and Carly for about 6 months maybe. I really thought we were friends they always vented to me and I was gladly there. Carly actually I saw her as an older sister. But they always make me feel left out. For example Hannah stated in FRONT OF ME she doesn’t want friends since she moved here. 😀 what am I then? Carly randomly got close to Hannah after knowing each other maybe 3 months. Okay cool but then they started just sitting with each other when we went out to eat leaving me out. N since I don’t drink they got along better. Now the issue is since pregnant they haven’t asked us to hang out AT ALL. It was recently someone’s bday and I come to see this weekend on social media EVERYONE in our group went out to eat. I cried (hormones make me sad) it was about 2am ofc I couldn’t text a friend so I post on my private story which has ppl I trust n can vent to. I realize I had those two girls up there due to me wanting to be friends. Finally a friend answered my text n told me to just delete it to not start nothing. So I was but I notice 2 ppl viewed it one being Carly. She screen shot my post. I text her and explain I’m venting bc I feel left out n I would appreciate if she didn’t go talking about my post to the group. She just says okay. Clearly she doesn’t care. Ok cool. My husband comes home today and tells me Hannah is upset bc she said Carly sent her ur story n told her you hate them. I was so upset I started crying. My husband states they didn’t plan it and it was some other random guy that invited everyone. I didn’t know that and Carly didn’t correct me when I texted her. If it was a misunderstanding I would’ve apologized but they never corrected me or said sorry u feel left out. I feel like a horrible wife like a horrible person just bc I vented. Feeling like I made it awkward for my husband. AITH for saying that on my story?
A private story is PRIVATE idk how old yall are but for ppl my age a private is for close friends screenshooting is a huge no 😂 bc the story is for people you trust. I didn’t name call I didn’t diss no one I vented people stop asking you to hang out once you became pregnant it was also 2 am 😂 n I deleted it 10 mins max after posted bc I saw it was silly. Not my fault they saw it n they also could’ve “spoken to me as adults” especially after I texted one girl apologized stated why I said that and just asked her to drop it. But she didn’t she went and shared my private story with everyone when I wasn’t even intending anyone to see it. Also this isn’t the first time they all hang out as a group it’s been like this for 3-4 months randomly n we all use to hang out only ONCE a month but since we don’t drink as much and that’s all they do makes sense they stopped asking us to hang out.

[ lengthy post ahead ]
Hello Be*, idk if you’ll ever see this but I’ll send it anyway. We met once at his birthday celebration. When we were still together. With the cheater I know he is, I knew he was eyeing for you since you are attractive. Without a doubt, I was mesmerized by your beauty as well, and I saw that as a chance to finally end that relationship. I joked with you pa nga "Gusto mo sa’yo na lang (ex ko)? Toxic naman yan e." That was true, yet I wasn’t wrong though. You ended up dating and even having a baby.
Fast forward to now, I came across your tiktok account, and there were no posts from you, just reposts from other accounts explaining the situation you were having—Cheating, living with a narcissist-pathological liar, and being emotionally, verbally, and mentally abused. I feel so sorry for you since I have experienced all you are going through. Don't get me wrong, I don't pity you; it's just that I wish you knew that I went through everything he made you feel while we were together. He was disrespectful to my parents and his mom, always came to our house at the middle of the night, intoxicated, and I was always afraid of what he would do if I did not accompany him because he had anger issues. The reason why I experienced trauma bonding with him. Idk, if he shared this with you, but we also had a baby.
That was our difference. You chose motherhood, I didn't. When I found out I was pregnant with him, we weren’t talking for a while (our whole rs was like that, on & off). Still informed him about it, and when he found out? he told me, "Mag-PT ka ulit, baka niloloko mo lang ako para bumalik ako." (ew) but I was afraid back then, so I did in front of him kasi akala ko gusto niya. I thought having a baby with him would change him, but it didn't. He still cheated on me despite knowing the fact that I was pregnant, so I decided not to continue my pregnancy because I had so many ambitions and couldn't risk them for someone who is incapable of loving. That includes both of us. I wasn't ready, and I couldn't imagine him being a good father to my child, nor could I because I didn't know how to love myself. Before that decision was made, a lot of “fixing” happened, I begged him several times, cried, and was still called insane while going through pregnancy just bc I was asking for assurance..
When I finally decided that there were no hopes for us, I finally blocked him everywhere and he was calling me thru his mom’s phone number— It was chaotic, and the only thing on my mind at the moment was that I needed to get rid of 'this' because my kid did not deserve what he was about to see, if he made it. I went to the OB alone and was terrified. I took three f*king PTs, and they were all as clear as water, indicating "positive". However, when they were checking up on me, the physicians informed me that they had trouble finding the baby's heartbeat. Yes, it was ectopic.
Am I a bad person if I felt relieved? Because I did. I was in anguish, too. I felt compelled to blame someone, and so I blamed it all on him. Ofc, he branded me "crazy" and had the audacity to say, "Kung di ka lang sana nag-isip nang nag-isip. Kasalanan mo yan!” After losing my kid, I never went back, but I still sobbed every fking day, wondering how in the world I could have met someone with no heart. I never even got an apology. Until December 202 (we were in no contact for 2 months, after losing my baby) he was following one of my best friends and saw me on her story, he sent my best friend a DM to introduce me to him again ‘para makabawi’ he said, I didn’t really understood what he meant by that, makabawi para sa nagawa niya? O para lokohin ulit ako? that’s when he began booty calling me again. I met with him while I was still in the process of moving on from everything and the trauma bond remained strong bc he told me he was sorry, that’s what I thought. I had no idea you were already with him at that moment, till the morning when he and I were still together, and saw that you were bomboarding his phone with messages and calls at 6 a.m. That’s when I knew. I saw myself in you. I went home feeling ashamed and disgusted with myself. Cried myself to sleep because I didn’t know anything, he fooled me once again. Worse, he made me his sidechick, something I wouldn’t even dream of becoming.
I’m sorry. I was about to confront you, but shame consumed me. I never intended to hurt another woman. But believe me, I never met him again despite of him sending me messages every now and then, despite the fact that I already blocked him everywhere & even changed my phone number, but still he asked where I was, if I was available, and anything else you can think of while you and him were together. The only thing I want from him is my money, which he owed me. Damn, I was so stupid.
But, anyhow, all I wanted to say was that while this may sound cliché, you did not deserve it, all the pain and self loathing. Scrolling over your reposts, I see you're also in pain because of your baby daddy. I am very sorry that you and your kid had to meet a monster. If you and him are still together and came across this, and the patterns remain the same. Do me a favor: get you your baby out of that boy's life because HE WILL NEVER MAN UP. I hope your find the strength to walk away because you don’t need someone who makes you feel unworthy of the right kind of love. You deserve a love you ought to give, and nothing less.
I assumed he told you about how I was the toxic one? Heck, I was. It's because he cheated on me several times, lied straight to my face after crying and running to me to come back over and over again, and still managed to hit up on girls while knowing I was pregnant. That’s what a narcissist does, I’ve had trust issues and anxiety as a result of him. In my perception, your existence was a blessing to me, it freed me from that situation. It was never easy, it really felt like I was going insane, bc how in the hell could someone do that to me— who had full of love in my heart, but shattered into pieces after offering a love that’s genuine. But I did, I was able to walk away and I hope you will too.
Girl, I sincerely hope that things will work out for you in the long run. Losing my angel, opened my eyes, and I pray it will do the same for you and your little one. I apologize if I also caused you pain. You deserve a love that is safe, calm, and at peace. Most of all, your baby do not deserve a father like that, you’ll both do fine on your own.
Please save yourself; no one will. I dodged a bullet, unaware that you would be the one to catch it. Please, just live even if it feels like dying; I promise you, it will be over shortly. Above all, prioritize your own well-being. We never deserved it; no one ever does. From woman to a woman, I am rooting for your healing, Mama. ❤️‍🩹

Hello everyone! I (25f) have just found out a few days ago that I am approx 5 weeks pregnant. We are overjoyed (and scared)!
I was diagnosed with PCOS in Sept 2022 and was told then that natural conception would be very unlikely. A year and 9 months later we finally have a positive result (naturally!). I won’t lie- I am RIDDLED with anxiety that I will have a miscarriage but I understand that there’s not much I can do to prevent this. Also, nobody mentioned the cramps!! Mild to moderate period-like cramps that feel like pulling and pricking! They can be scary too. Dr Google tells me here this is also normal unless accompanied by blood.
Anyway. I want to announce my pregnancy to my parents at 12 weeks, but all of the cards talk about “promotion” which isn’t sitting right with me for some reason. Does anyone have any nice stories/ideas for how to announce a pregnancy to the future grandparents?
Also any other tips would be greatly appreciated. We have no idea what we are doing lol!

My stomach seems to distend even more during exercise. It looks like a pregnant belly but even more so during exercise. Is this normal with fibroids? Thanks

Throughout my life in the diaspora, elders have often emphasized the importance of language. Yet, many chant words without understanding their meaning. What's the solution? Although they claim language matters, they show no interest in learning it. Consequently, when they speak, they sound nothing like my Yoruba elders.
This brings to mind a story from Oturupon Otura. The verse goes...
Ita jare, the Oro icon, we beseech you Irele jare, and Irele, the Oro icon, we plead with you Ifa’s message for Orunmila When he was doing good deeds in Ife land And it was misconstrued to be evil He was advised to offer ebo He complied Now, Ita jare, Irele jare Let Ife have peace Ita jare Irele jare Let there be comfort in Ife Ita jare Irele jare Let the pregnant women have safe deliveries Ita jare Irele jare Let barren women receive the blessing of the fruit of the womb Ita jare Irele jare
During this time, Orunmila visited a town facing tremendous loss, inappropriate actions by community leaders, and family breakups. Orunmila was tasked with helping the town recover by working with Oro, an ancestral deity often invoked to repair communities. Oro's rituals take place in the dead of night. Orunmila would go to the town center and begin his work late at night. However, there was a challenge for Orunmila. When he prayed, he spoke in a way that couldn't be understood. As a result, people started creating stories that he was working against the town, and they cursed him. Distressed, Orunmila had Ifa cast. The Awos told him he would succeed in helping the community overcome its challenges, but he needed to be understood. The townspeople needed to clearly hear that he was praying for their success, for pregnancies to go to full term, and for leaders to build, not destroy, the community. Orunmila offered ebo and followed this advice. The next time he prayed, he chanted loudly and clearly so everyone could understand. Soon, things began to improve, and the townspeople thanked Orunmila profusely.
Now, I work with Awos who chant in Yoruba and translate every verse so the client can understand exactly what is being said. I cannot recall a time when I have heard an Awo whisper while working. Awos need to speak loudly and clearly, and many know Ifa well enough to understand this. We need to be understood by the people we serve. If their Ori (inner self) is confused, can their problems be fully resolved? Things to consider.
Aboru Aboye
Ifasogbon

I’ve only been staying here for 4 months thru immigrant visa, and already a green card holder. My 2 month old son is a US citizen, since I gave birth on my 2nd month. My dad’s side of the family stays in the US. If you’re wondering, my visa arrived when I was 6 months pregnant.. after 3yrs of waiting.
My british partner is in the PH, so my stay here isn’t really for long term. The thing is, is it worth being 5yrs apart and get that dual citizenship then plan to settle in the PH afterwards?
My son being a US citizen makes me want to get that US passport as I might need it at some point in the future for him.
I’m 24F, by the time I come home I would be at least 30. But we have a 2 month old baby and the first 5yrs are the most important years of a growing family, and 5yrs is a long time apart. He wants me to come home. I’ve heard stories about parents leaving kids to go abroad and how it gave a long-term effect on the kids, I wouldn’t want that at all. So much what ifs and buts.
If I come home now with a green card, very low chances of me ever getting back to the US. I don’t want to live in regret, idk what to do

*** Comments mentioning anything related to treatment, trying to conceive, or family building measures in this thread will be removed via our OFF TOPIC rule. Consider if you were taking a break from treatment because you were exhausted and sad - treatment (yes anything related to it) goes in treatment **\*
Coping with infertility is complex, and it is our imperative to create places where we can honor the distinctly unique needs created by infertility. Sit beside us and share what’s on your mind and going on in your life. This is a great place to get to know your fellow members outside the gravity of treatment. Discussion here includes, but is not limited to:

• Venting about the impact of infertility on our lives/relationships/careers
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I, a single, twenty year old female gave birth to a baby girl about two months ago, and at the same time adopted a second baby girl who was born about three days before. The daughter that I had in my uterus, I will call Rose. The daughter that I didn't carry I will call lily.
I got pregnant with rose about the same time that my best friend who I'll call Anna got pregnant with Lily. While I was ecstatic about being pregnant, anna was not. Anna felt that she wasn't in a good place emotionally, financially, or any other way to have a child. She told me she was considering getting an abortion, but that she wished her child could have a good life somewhere else, instead of "just being thrown away" but anytime she pictured putting her child up for adoption she remembers all of the story's of abusive adoptive parents. She said that she felt helpless because there didn't seem to be any good answers, that's when we came up with a hesitant plan.
We decided that if after Lily's birth, anna still didn't feel like she could raise her i would adopt Lily and raise the girls as twins. Anna didn't want Lily to know she was adopted, but I hated the idea of lying to a daughter of mine. We decided that once lily was old enough to understand I would explain that she was adopted. if at that point anna felt ready we would tell Lily that Anna was her bio mom, and if not then we would say that her mother wasn't ready for her to know who she was. This way lily could live her life, Anna didn't need to be worried about Lily because she could check on her at any time, and Anna would be able to continue working on getting her life in order.
I chose not to have any of my family in the room during the birth because I wasn't comfortable with them seeing me like that, and Anna was fighting with her family at the time. So anna and i were the only ones in the room for each other during the births. After lily was born Anna still wanted me to adopt Lily, and also said that she did want to be in her life more than she originally thought. we decided that she would be the god mother of both girls and I would be their mother. when it was time for us to go home, I organized a get together for my family to meet both of my daughters and we went forward with the adoption.
As soon as my grandmother met my babies she asked me which one was my daughter, and I replied that they both were. She rolled her eyes and said that I knew what she meant, I told her that, no I dont because they are both my daughters. she got mad about that and asked me which one was "my real daughter" and my parents backed her up saying that I should tell them which daughter I had adopted. I got mad and asked them why it mattered, both babies are my children, I'm breast feeding both of them, I named both of them, and I was there through the entire pregnancy for both of them, even if I only carried one of them myself.
This lead to a fight with my family insisting that I tell them which daughter is which, and me insisting that my grandmother apologized for implying that one of them wasn't my real daughter. My parents told me that I am being dramatic, pointlessly stubborn, ridiculous, and that they just wanted to know when dealing with the girls which one was their granddaughter. I kicked all of them out and said that unless they apologize and stop asking which daughter is adopted, they would not get to see either of them.
After they left I sent out a text saying that I will tell them which one is adopted when I explain to her that she is adopted, but adopted or not they are both my children. I also reiterated that until I get an apology, and they agree to view my daughters equally they will not see the girls and I will not be talking to them. I received a massive amount of text ranging from them demanding that I let them see the kids and telling me how I was cruel and selfish to deprived my daughters of their love, to pleading with me to just tell them which girl is which and let them see my daughters.
After a few weeks of this i said enough. The stress of trying to take care of two babies, adopt Lily, and deal with my family was to much. So I sent out another text telling them that I was serious when I said I won't tell them which daughter is adopted. I then told them that I cant take their constant text anymore, and anyone that text me something that doesn't start with an apology is getting blocked.
Most of my family realized i wouldn't back down and stopped texting. I did have to block my brother, who sent me two paragraphs about why I should just give our parents and grandparents what they want, because it isn't worth the fight. I also had to block my mom, who texted my to tell me that no one was going to help me take care of the children until I told them them the truth about which is my real daughter. Anna agrees with me that they shouldn't care which one is adopt and says she wishes that my family didn't even know that one girl was adopted.
Well yesterday both babies were crying, lily needed a diaper change and rose was hungry and I realized that my mom was right. I can't be in both places at once and I can't take care of them by myself. Luckily Anna was there and she was able to take care of them both and get them settled, because I broke down sobbing and was completely useless. Now I'm starting to wonder if I am a bad mother for not leting my daughters see their family, and if I have chosen the wrong hill to die on.
P.s Anna was able to cheer me up, we cuddled together, and with the babies on the sofa, eating ice cream and chocolate most of the night. she is also the one who convinced me to write this post because she is obsessed with reddit.

Hello, I am in need right now. My female dog is pregnant and I can't afford for her to have babies. Long story short, she was in heat and I had to work away for a week. My best friend was taking care of her and knew she had to wear diapers. My friend said her dog got to mine even with a diaper on.. 2 times. I'm panicking because I cannot afford this right now.
I know it's a lot to ask but the vets have quoted me $569 for her to be fixed. I cannot afford that as my income is 1600 a month and my rent alone is 1100.
Any help would be greatly appreciated and I will return the favor when I am doing better myself.
Unfortunately we don't have cashapp in Canada just PayPal and etransfer.
Thank you kindly 🙏🏼❤️

link to original post here: https://www.reddit.com/Catholicism/s/ZfZH0IXzR9
TLDR; I’ve been happily married 8 years, 2 kids, and found out I was pregnant with our third days after being informed I’d be laid off (and I’m the breadwinner). I asked this community for stories of babies that God surprised you with (and boy did you guys deliver!)
Anyway, that was about 6 months ago!
After I posted here, I interviewed at a ton of places including an absolute dream job (doing what I’ve wanted to do for 10+ years, ideal title, lifechanging salary, fully remote). Every night I’d let God know that I trust him and especially his timing, which was hard because I knew what I wanted (a job, this job specifically). I took a few weeks to freelance to reserve my unemployment bank for maternity leave.
About 2 weeks ago, while I was still in interviews with the dream job, agonizing around how to disclose the pregnancy, our third daughter was born. She is premature and had to do some NICU time for weight gain and because of her age (no other health issues).
A few days after that I got rejected from the dream job. That was hard. Then my grandmother had a heart attack a few days later and they determined that she probably wouldnt make it out of the hospital. That was much harder. While my daughter was stuck in the NICU, my grandmother who I desperately wanted her to meet began hospice and passed. Even though she was 90, it felt very sudden. it happened within about 3 days of the heart attack. the day after her passing was my grandfather (her husband’s) birthday. It does give me some comfort that they were reunited for his birthday. I still feel like I didnt get enough time with her, but I guess we always feel that to some extent.
The funeral was really tough. My cousins and our parents were all really close with her for our entire lives. She built a beautiful family and by the end of her life, was praying a rosary every day (she prayed intensely for my daughter when I went into premature labor). She got last rites three times in those final days. I feel very confident that she died a saint.
So this all put things into perspective for me. I am not someone who loves being a stay at home mom, but it really feels like God is trying to show me I have the gift of time right now with my girls (and my husband). I love my job, but at the end of a life well lived, the job doesnt matter.
I also realized since my last post that I will legally qualify for paid family and medical leave through my state based on my previous salary. I can freelance a bit on top of that to make a full salary, and I might be entitled to a full 6 months leave (waiting now for this to be confirmed). That would take me almost to the end of the year. I’ve never had this much mat leave before, I’m always rushing to get back to work.
Anyway, lots of things are still up in the air, but I thought I would update you all. I am bummed about the job, but my daughter is home with me now (finally!) and I feel a lot of gratitude. I am still praying that God’s will be revealed to me in his time. I feel at least a bit more clarity now around what He wants of me in this moment.
If you have a moment today, please say a prayer for the repose of my grandmother’s soul. thanks all 💜

I’m gonna try to make this as simple as possible. Basically I’ve been dealing with this woman since 2019 and at first I thought she was sweet, spiritual, and innocent, boyyyy was I wrong.. as time went on I started to see the real her. She’s very manipulative, a pathological liar, narcissist, and she has cluster B border line personality disorder. The night we met she fed me a bunch of lies which I uncovered overtime for example she told me the first night we met that she had been raped the year prior while she was in school(which I later found out was not true whatsoever. Months down the line she would even talk about exs that were “abusive” towards her which I later also found out wasn’t true. Fast forward to February of 2020 she ended up pregnant with our first child and a couple months into the pregnancy she just decided she’s not gonna deal with me anymore, so I ended up dating a woman I’ve known since middle school. She found out about this and next thing I know the sheriffs are serving me a restraining order accusing me of rape!!! When we showed up for court she immediately dropped the order before we even could talk to the judge. Fast forward to when my child was born in December of 2020 she texts me that she just had the baby and I asked if I could come up there and she said “no” and as time goes on she start’s blatantly keeping my child from me I didn’t meet my first born until February of 2021, and that’s when she tried to reconcile whatever situationship we had and would go on to apologize for the accusations saying her family foster her to do that so that I won’t be able to be in my child’s life which of course was a lie that was her decision. As time goes on the girl I was dating passed away and I was distraught so my baby mother comes around and I ended up coming up on money and decided to get us an apartment with our child two months into staying there I had a seizure while sleeping and instead of staying there to help she takes my child and leaves and proceeded to text my mom a picture of me in bed having the seizure and even tells my mom I was hitting her while having a seizure …. She blocked me again after that and a month later comes back around againnnn I guess basically to just have sex with me and then blocks me again and keeps me from my child, and at that point she was pregnant with my second child. I didn’t see my oldest for 6-7 months I had moved on to a nice relationship with a wonderful woman by that time and my second child was born, and that’s when I decided to take this stuff to court and the judge reprimanded her for isolating my kids from me and a custody order was placed for them to be with me every other weekend. During the custody court date she tried telling the judge I was abusive and all that nonsense and the judge seen right through it and didn’t pay it any attention, so two months after that she starts reaching out more and trying to have normal conversations and I would go along with it like a idiot and she wanted to hook up again and we did a few times, in which my girlfriend found out and we broke up and then weeks after that my baby moms ghost me again, still following the order tho. A month later my girlfriend and I got back on good terms and she notices and tries to get me to sabotage my relationship again! It doesn’t really work and I came to find out she would tell her family I was abusing her and a bunch of other ridiculous lies. This time CPS gets involved and investigates me for DV, which didn’t work. Now let’s fast forward to two years later, my babymom keeps coming in and out of my life(I don’t know why I let her honestly) she thinks about leaving to the military and I took the kids while she tries to go to the recruiting camp or whatever to see if she can enlist which she can’t because apparently she’s been committed by her mother a few times.. I stopped dealing with her for a while until some months back, she calls herself apologizing for everything she’s done to me and we start hanging out again but at this point I no longer am in love with her I wanted to go be with the woman I was still in love with that she thought she Sabotaged, and when I confessed this to her and that I can’t deal with how much she lies and plays these mental games and before I try to go home she tells me she’s gonna kill herself when I go home and I had her committed at her own request, she stayed for about a week and a half. Gets out and was put on meds and therapy which she stopped using after a couple of months. Me and the girl I’m in love with are still seeing each other and me and my babymoms stopped dealing with each other yet again. I get a knock on the door about a month or two later with getting served another restraining order falsely accusing me of abuse yet again I didn’t fight it cuz I’m really tired of her at this point. We started hanging out just taking the boys to the park and stuff like that just to try to bond with our kids as a family despite everything… she starts wanting to get intimate and I actually didn’t want to this time and then she starts telling me a bunch of lies about how she hasn’t been with anybody and a whole bunch of non sense that I know is false, and I snapped on her and called her out on all of it, I went wrong in the conversation and threw her phone back at her but it wasn’t in a aggressive way it hits her on the eye and I apologized and everything and I still say I don’t wanna be intimate with her and wanna be with the same woman that I’m in love with still, and then she begins to start that “I wanna kill myself” bullshit again except this time I don’t commit her cuz I realize she just tries to get pity from me and everybody else however she can. The next day she texts and asks for a bag she left at my house I told her I’d leave it on the porch for her. When she pulls up me and my girlfriend and her son are outside playing, out of nowhere her uncles jumps out her car and attacks me while my kids are watching from her car and my girlfriend’s son was right there in front of all this he then runs back to her car and they pull off quickly. The phone left her eye a lil black when I threw it at her and she even admitted that to my brother through text and to me in text that it was the phone, but typical crazy girl fashion she even texts my girlfriend after her and her uncle left a picture of her eye and says “you better leave him alone before this happens to you” she reported the incident to police weeks later but no charges were filed, CPS reached out to me yet again and I explain to them what happened over the phone and they didn’t seem to adamant about opening up a case. After the attack from her uncle I go to the courts and filed for motion of contempt for not following the custody arrangement on a few occasions, one of being that she had her u cake attack me with my kids present and one of the requirements on the order is to not let the other parent be harmed in any way in front of the children which the judge signed off on and we have court later today for. So yesterday she reaches out after it’s been almost two months since that whole attack from her uncle saying how she misses me and she wants to get the restraining order dropped, and she wants to sleep with me, and see me, and all that. And I actually let her come meet up with me at the mall just to kind of see where her headspace is. Long story short came to find out she was dating some guy and I told him all about her in which he agreed that she lies about every single thing and it’s almost impossible to believe a word out her mouth. this girl has some serious issues and I really want full custody of my boys because I’m scared for their safety being with her as she’s really unstable and flat out crazy, I know hiring an attorney would be the easiest route and me and my family are willing to go in on one but it’s so expensive that if I can do it without an attorney I would like that, would the judge wnat to hear about any of this at this custody violation hearing? Or should I open another case for that separately? I did mention to CPS when they asked me if I had any concerns about my kids being with her I didn’t really want to say too much because I was going to court anyway but I did tell them she smokes marijuana often and drinks very often. I know I should’ve just told them about her mental health problems right then and there but I was still kinda in shock they called me in the first place. Now most of this stuff is documented in texts and pictures, what would you do in this situation? Like what’s the best way of going about fighting her for full custody?

Hi! So normally I can tell the difference with context clues but with this stray we're fostering I don't have many. When we got her in she wasn't even 5 pounds, extremely sickly, but very friendly. We've been taking care of her, found her a good adopter that was personally know who will be taking her in late summer. We've had her for about a month now, last time we took her to the vet to get checked out for fur loss (determined to be caused by calicivirus and dead fleas) she was officially 6.01 pounds! I assumed she had a leg injury as she tends to hiss and get upset if she's held a certain way but it didn't seem to bother her enough to warrant an x-ray (didn't wanna get one unnecessarily bc they're expensive and we know her soon to be owner will gladly pick up and take care of what we can't.)
I send her future owner updates at least once a week and sometimes once a day to keep her in the loop. I joked recently about how much the cat bloats after eating. I just got back from a trip and I noticed she was rounder than when I left and the person who was taking care of her noted so too, assuming she was just eating too much. When I picked her up today in the way I normally do, she hissed a lot and swatted at me when I put pressure on her belly area. (She wasn't upset she was telling me she didn't like that and immediately calmed down once she was set down :) No struggle during holding just upon picking up. She's a good cat I don't want to make her sound mean. :( )
It just occurred to me that there a chance she might be pregnant as she's not spayed (something the future owner will have done as spays are often around $500 with our vet, closer to $1k if it's a spay abort) and it is around the time she would be starting to show. I assumed with the state she was in when we got her that her body would've terminated any pregnancy to try to heal herself but saying that aloud I realize how silly that sounds.
I can try to get an above picture of her tomorrow as we're settled in bed and I don't want to bother her but here is a side by side of the day we got her in and shortly after her most recent vet appointment. Keep in mind the second photo is literally RIGHT after she ate.
Granted she is eating a lot and I'm pulling back on how much she's eating now that I'm back to managing her food (wanted to keep it simple for her temporary care taker). She was being given two full cans of wet food and roughly 1 and a half measuring cups of dry food, she doesnt eat all of it, we just provided options. I'm bringing her down to half a can of wet food and 1/2 a measuring cup of dry food. Before the change is implemented she would sometimes barely touch the wet food to SCARFING down both cans, most of the time she slowly eats through the hard food over a week and a half, eating far less than 1/4th cup in a day. But some days she eats the dry food instead of the wet food. So there's definitely opportunity for her to be getting fat. (Want to clarify that much food we were given the okay to give to her by our vet to get her weight up and help heal her tongue ulcers as we used to have to make her soft food into a slurry but she was still determined to eat the hard food sometimes. We give all our other cats 1/4th cup of dry food and a little wet food for some liquid in their diet. :) )
I plan to call and schedule a vet appointment for next week (so it's after we get paid) for an x-ray for her legs anyway, but I'm asking here for any tips or insight or things we should be looking out for! Advice is appreciated thank you!!
(If it helps, all of our other cats are fixed and she's kept separated from them bc of her calicivirus. We got her April 20th which is when the first photo was taken. She had a large upper respiratory infection, severely ulcerated tongue, severely underweight, and general pain but that all has been treated with exception of calicivirus as it's been explained to me that it's a chronic condition and not exactly can be cured. But we are managing it! We have handled other fosters including a pregnant one, we were in an okay financial situation when we took this one in and right now it's a little rocky but will be okay now we're budgeting better we just need to wait for more paydays for things to even out. No matter what she will get the care she needs and she will be taken to the vet, I'm just looking for input until we can get her to her vet appointment without completely breaking the bank :) )
Third and fourth photos are to show her face when we first got her (she was a cuddle bug and did not want to be alone) and most recently! :) as you can see she's doing well health wise!!!
So what should I watch out for to see if she may be pregnant or just fat??? Both there's equal chance of in my eyes, we don't know her backstory other than she's less than a year old and was outside until someone caught her and brought her to us, even then they hadn't seen her before so they don't have any history either on her.
I can try to answer questions! Sorry if this is too much detail, I care about her a lot and want to give information that may help in figuring things out about her!!!