A letter of apologise

I wrote a letter to my Dad about how he was never emotionally there in my life and how that affects me now. I get anxiety and feel uncomfortable around him and find it hard to talk to him. He read the letter and asked me to call him when I was ready. He didn't really say sorry it was more of a "sorry you feel that way" and "I'm not apologising for what I've done because what's done is done" and saying how he's disappointed that I've been lying about who I am to him which yeah he's kind of right because I've been hiding myself as a way to protect myself (yes I explained it to him in the letter and on the phone). He is brutally honest and doesn't care about other people's feelings and he said to me that I should speak up when he's hurt me (yes I've explained to him why it's hard for me to do). He basically was like let's forget about it and move on. While this did hurt, I wasn't surprised by him rather my reaction was "well, that's my Dad" I wasn't doing this for our relationship or him. I was doing it for me. I didn't want to hold onto these feelings anymore because it hurts and it's exhausting. I'm thinking of myself and my own wellbeing after living my whole life not doing that. I've never felt close to him and he's always just been there. He's always been in the background. My mum died 2 years ago and every time I meet up for Christmas or her birthday it's a stark reminder that my emotional connection to my family is gone after my mum died. She was the only one that I actually had any emotional connection to me. My mum wasn't perfect though, she overstepped boundaries and emotionally parentified me which has brought it's own set of issues. I've always felt somewhat separated from my family and I don't feel connected to them. I look at other families and see how close they are and realise how abnormal my family are.
After this I've been questioning what my next move should be. I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to keep contact so I don't regret going no contact when he dies. Part of me thinks "why bother" he'll just upset you again and it's exhausting. I just know anything that comes out of my Dad's mouth is just straight up rude because he is rude most of the time. I know it'll be exhausting. It's like dealing with a child who hasn't learnt empathy or the phrase "if you've got nothing nice to say then don't say it". Also I can't help but feel bad for him. He doesn't have friends and my mum was his emotional and social life. Yes, I know he's done that to himself but I still feel bad. It's like he's lost his wife and how a daughter. Also I don't want to put all of his emotional and social life onto my brother because I know my brother will just take it.
Maybe should this be my last try and leave it as that. I don't know. How do you guys deal with emotionally neglectful parents?

Heres the timeline of events which may have contributed to the waiver being denied and or supports my desire to contest the decision. (20F, England, events covering 2020-2024)
Dec 2020 - a rent waiver was submitted on my behalf on the grounds of ill-health. I did not get to see any documentation over the T/Cs and didn't sign anything. I repeatedly asked/offered to supply evidence of ill-health which I was subsequently told was not needed.
Jan 27th 2021 I vacated the room a day before the deadline - unfortunately I forgot to return the keys. HOWEVER, as much as the keys represent having access to the accomodation, these keys no longer worked as the locks had been changed. I was let into the room that night by security who happened to hand me back the redundant pair of keys and thats where my oversight lay. (In 2022 I am made aware that according to their records I vacated the room a week and a half late (when i finally traveled back to hand in the keys) and the waiver was rejected.)
March 2021 I call to ask for an update on the waiver and I am told "it has been waived". I accept this was most likely someone palming me off and mispoke due to not checking the situation but this is ridiculously irresponsible and dictated my next set of responses. A week or two after this phone call, rent arrears emails ceased. This further affirmed I no longer owed any rent.
Sep 2021 Rent arrears emails resume but I ignore, thinking it was a glitch due to the commencement of a new academic year.
After a few months of these emails I ask about them and I am told the rent is owed, no mention of the waiver, rejected or otherwise. I say I was told the rent was waived and I receive an apology and that the issue would be followed up. I hear no more for several months.
Rent arrears emails restart again, some months later. The case is transferred to STA debt collection and I discuss with them the issues I am having. They pause proceedings multiple times and "close" the case on one occasion.
I also reiterate the same information to the university about: - my doubts over the waiver submission due to no evidence being requested, nothing to sign or T&Cs to read. I was not made aware that in passing the deadline for key hand over I would be liable for the whole term of rent not just the days exceeding the deadline.

• that in coming to a resolution some leeway for the deadline should be accommodated considering I exited the rental agreement on health grounds and ill health doesnt work to deadlines AND limited travel due to COVID made moving out at night, alone with no car as a 20 y/o woman quite difficult.
  
• the keys not actually allowing access to the room so I would like to argue that some leeway should be made again as per their conditions for the room to be vacated and inaccessible, I did not have access to the room anyway.
  
• the irresponsible staff member claiming it "has been waived". Which then dictated my finances since I no longer thought I owed a large sum of money. And later on another member or staff apologising and rent arrears emails ceasing once more.
  
• that i thought it was fair I owed the days of rent after the deadline but not the whole term
  

The uni also claim I was sent an email in 2021 updating me that the waiver was denied. I asked for this to be resent as I do not remember ever receiving such an email and this request was ignored. At least twice my emails were unanswered and many times it took weeks to receive a response.
I communicated these points multiple times to the uni and in the last instance (July 2023) they replied 2 months later with a reduced amount owed, more than halved - but not for any of the reasons I stipulated, for some other reason I cant remember currently (the new amount did not reflect the days of rent over the deadline)
At this point I was completely tired, doubtful of their handling of anything and offended because now they admit that for 2 years they have been requesting over double the amount I owed anyway!
(Not essential to read, just concluding) Its my graduation in 2 months and I do NOT want them to pull me aside on the day because of this - I have no tuition fee debts so I can graduate, I just dont want this to be flagged to the accommodation services that I'll be on site that day. Please, where do I stand here? I realise this has been dragged out so long and since their last email with the reduced amount I have ceased communication, STA call me multiple times a week but no letters or emails. I was admitted to hospital for a month last summer for the same reasons I left the uni halls and I've just had a lot on my plate. The official way is to submit a complaint but since it has been so long I now have to justify why I did not take action sooner i.e. after I received the last email in Sep 2023.

I woke up to seagulls this morning, I really like the sound of them. I mean they don’t make pretty sounds, nor is it relaxing, but it feels like a comforting noise I guess? I think because I like being by the sea. I’m not sure. It was nice though. I love living by the sea, like I hear ship horns and seagulls and all of that. It makes me forever paranoid of tsunamis though. I think I’d like to live in a little seaside town with my honey, but I also don’t because then I couldn’t have the garden of my dreams nor would I have the countryside lifestyle I want. I don’t really know what I want. I don’t think I have enough money to be all that picky anyway.
I kind of woke up with that pit in my stomach feeling today. I don’t like how our calls were last night, either one of them. The first I felt like he didn’t want to talk to me and the second it was me being like that to him. I didn’t mean to make it come across that way, but I think he just caught me out when I was mid-deep sleep? I couldn’t wake up or focus and idk. Normally I’m fine to wake up though? And I love his night time calls, to know he’s thinking about me makes me feel so warm inside. It feels weird to think I ever cross his mind when we aren’t in an active conversation, I guess that comes back to the self esteem thing and feeling unworthy of being a thought in his mind, not feeling important enough, or something. But in that second call, I guess I didn’t like that he got me off the phone earlier because he was so sleepy, but then it turned out he was still up and about two hours later? It made me feel like he lied about being tired to get rid of me. I don’t think that was the case, but it’s how it made me feel in the moment. Anyway I woke up feeling uneasy, I felt okay but a little uneasy so I made sure to apologise. I think as well because I fell asleep feeling a little uneasy, it felt like he rushed me off the phone or like I was boring him to death or something. But it made me think about how it’s only 9pm where he is, and that he could quite easily have someone come over around that time. I don’t believe he would do that, but it scares me all the same. The way in which he could crush me into nothing is a little frightening sometimes, it really feels like I’ve just laid out my sad little heart out there for him to stomp all over if he so wishes to do so. I know if he did end things I would be okay, I think, but I can’t say I don’t worry about how it would affect my mental health and “recovery” - how far would it set me back? But also that’s not on him at all, and I’m never ever going to imply as such to him. He ought to make decisions based on what he wants and is best for him. Anyway it’s fine and we talked this morning and nothing has changed for him either, we both still want each other and this so it doesn’t even matter. I still feel bad about how I made him feel. I’m really glad, even though I made him feel bad which I wish I hadn’t, but sometimes it really helps to have him say he still wants this. I know his actions speak louder than words, but sometimes I need the words too. And so him saying “I’m still the same” was really reassuring and made me feel so lovey.
I’ve made a hair appointment, for end of June. I kind of wanted it early June as my hair is annoying the f out of me now, but her first available slot is end of June sooo I guess it still works out well. It gives me five weeks to continue growing out my layers so that we can start afresh. I’m going to get my face framies cut shorter this time as they grow out so quickly. I think otherwise I’ll get very subtle layering, enough to add some movement and help it air dry nicely, but I want the ends as thick as possible too. I’ll get a general root touch up to darken them up a little, and then a tonegloss for the lengths to cool down the warmth a little and darken it up ever so slightly. And then I’ve booked in for a full on olaplex treatment, so that will be nice. I am all about my hair health this year. I always have been but now even more so.
It’s so autumnal today. I really want to watch my favourite cosy romcoms, their autumn scenes are always my most absolute favourite. And winter I suppose. Basically Meg Ryan in autumn is my favourite thing and comforts me to no end.
I think I assume that if I know something then everyone else must know it too, so when they don’t I find it baffling that they don’t know. I guess because I consider myself thicker than a brick and everyone else smarter than I am, so I’d say in the team quiz no one knows the answer I start thinking how do you not know this, but that’s unfair of me and I’m making an assumption based on my low self esteem. But also I am as dumb as a rock so I mean there’s low self esteem and then there’s self awareness. But I just assume that if I know something, then it therefore must be as widely known as 2+2=4.
I’m wearing my Mon Guerlain perfume today, I quite like it, I guess I liked it a fair but considering I seem to have both a bottle of the edp and edt? I think this was during lockdown. Anyway I never wear it but I am today as it’s quite a warm scent, it’s like a warm vanilla but with a touch of lavender? Barely any lavender though, just a teeny tiny little bit. I just googled and that’s exactly what it is so yay me! Except it’s blatantly obvious so perhaps I’ll calm down on the self celebrations. Anyway it’s not one I’d replace but I do like it I suppose. It feels a little mature, not in an older woman way but in a mid-40s way. I read a comment and it said that it gives wife-and-adoring-mother with a wealthy husband, who’s just kissed her children goodnight before sweeping off in her furs to dinner and the opera. It’s classy and elegant, but with something warm and motherly to it and I get that too. Like the mama in Peter Pan! Anyway I’m a little ways off that stage of my life. But it’s a nice wfh scent I suppose. Most of my perfumes are just wfh/chill at home ones now. I wear perfume everyday, I’d say that’s silly but a) Andy tends to too and anything he does that I do makes me feel more assured it’s okay, b) I have a lottttt to get through and c) even if I didn’t have a lottttt to get through I still would because I just like to feel pretty. I may be as ugly as a troll but I will still be presentable enough. Not nicely, but perfume, groomed brows, glowy skin/skincare, my cutie lil diamond studs, brushed hair etc. Except I like a lived in look, I don’t like to look super prim and proper I prefer more bedheady hair and to look like I don’t care an awful lot, but in a nonchalant Kate Moss way not a get wrecked Adam Sandler way. Except I think Adam Sandler is the better of the two - I read he still has a regular-ish house? Then again it was the internet and I’m as gullible as… idk something gullible. That’s what I adore about Andy, he will do his own research and not believe anything outright, he’ll question it and all of that. Whereas I can just be like woowwwww crazy and then move on. There are many ways I’d like to be more like him, I don’t want to be like him but I just want to be better and he’s better so idk. He seems a little paranoid I’ll be like his ex who basically tried to become the tweedle dum to his tweedle dee, but I mean that’s never going to happen? I like to try things he likes, for example snacks and drinks and things. And if he says he enjoys using something and recommends it, ie his mouse, then I take his recommendations seriously. But I’m never going to dress or act like him, I mean I adore him but I don’t want to be a man…? I like being girly and different from him! But I just mean I like how he approaches things, I like how he handles disagreements or thinks about new information - they’re things I want to kind of learn from him. Not in a way where I’d ask because that makes it weirder. Idk. This whole thing is weird. I just admire him. Now I sound like some kinda single white female… which I am… oh god.
Todays been fine overall. I did something new workwise, getting into LOEs for H&S speeding stuff, I had a call with a manager about one of his direct reports this morning and he was like I mean is it that bad and I had to tell a 40 something grown man that it is indeed bad to speed 28km over the speed limit. For any reason. And in a branded vehicle at that. Anyway so then I had to do the letter which was fine but it’s such a confusing template so I suggested some alterations to the Head of and she said they were excellent and she would change the template letter to include my suggestions, so that made me feel good. I enjoy that part of my work, I think I like processes and policies and all of that stuff. Idk why someone with social anxiety thought it would be smart to get into PEOPLE advisory. But like I said, as thick as a brick.
I had such a fun chat with him this evening, he makes me all giggly and silly and I hate myself for saying that. The word giggle is so bleh. I mean it’s a cute word but it feels wrong to say for whatever reason. It’s like when people say “hehe” in texts or whatever, it makes me feel gross even though I don’t even mind it. I think in the right context from the right person it’s fine, but I’ve never experienced that so idk. Now I’m thinking of… something. Something we watched. And the subtitles had it as “heh heh” and I’m thinking sopranos. Anyway newsflash to no one: I love him a hellllllll of a lot.
I wish I didn’t have to go to the office tomorrow. It’s so annoying. I know it’s good for me and also my manager has outright asked me to, so I kind of have to regardless, but also I’ll just focus on the fact it’s good for me to be properly out of the house and stuff. And it has perks I guess, I can have sushi for lunch, peruse the bookshop nearby and I also don’t snack when I’m at the office, I take nuts with me but I don’t eat them because I get all anxy about if people can hear me chewing or if they think I’m some kind of insatiable ogre who can’t wait til lunch or dinner. But so I just have a few bits of sushi for lunch. Although I really want to try this Vietnamese place, they have a salad that looks so bloody good, but I’ve never been and it looks like the kind you line up for like subway and that sends a barrage of anxiety through me so maybe sometime in the future. But I also tend to get more done and idk. It’s good for me. I’ll just keep telling myself that while I hate life two days a week for the foreseeable. It’s not even that bad, it is bad anxiety wise - like yesterday I didn’t go to the bathroom for over an hour from when I needed to pee because of my anxiety, I also didn’t fill up my drink bottle or get another coffee at all for the whole day. So my anxiety is bad, but maybe over time it’ll get better, I’m sure it will, I just have to suck it up in the interim.
I think I’ll stop now because I have 10 mins exactly til 8 and I need to get entirely ready for bed and post this. I needed to blowdry my hair but I spent too long in the shower and now I don’t have time so oh well. Tbh I look like utter shite anyway lately so what’s a bad hair day to go with it? I’ll just put it up. I feel disgustingly ugly lately, I always do but especially lately. Okay now I have 8 minutes night night

Am I the Asshole? My closest friend (we've known each other for 18 years) and my business partner (for 7 years) recently had their first baby (via surrogate, he's a single Dad). I wasn't able to be with him during the birth as it took place in another country, so we've been texting a lot. The baby was born 4 weeks ago.
During a text conversation a few days ago, I accidentally misspelled his son's name as "Jessie" instead of "Jesse". So I accidentally added an "i" to the name while busily writing out a message about him possibly being underweight because he was premature. I said, "Is Jessie gaining weight fast enough?" My friend replied, "It's Jesse friend-who-should-really-know-that". Now, not having registered that I had misspelled the name, I took this to mean that I should know about newborns' WEIGHT in general. I was confused, I didn't think this was obvious knowledge. So not realising that he was referring to the spelling, I made the "Jessie" mistake again a second time a minute later. He corrected me again and I then realised and apologised. I said it was a simple mistake. He said he didn't care, it's his son's name. Since then I have consciously spelled the name correctly every time.
My friend was very offended by the misspelling. For the last day, we've been having a fight about this - probably 40 long text messages. I've apologised a couple of times. But I've also told him that it's ridiculous to be punishing me with this argument for the mistake, and that he needs to have more understanding. He's said that I should know the spelling (even though we've never talked about how Jessie/e can be spellied several ways until now, I guess he expected me to realise). He's said that I haven't taken enough responsibility and acknowledged how the misspelling made him feel. I've told him to chill out, that this is petty and that he's blown this mistake completely out of proportion. I haven't made the mistake since. He's moved between calling it a misspelling and that it wasn't a mistake, that I entirely "forgot" his son's name. He recently said "a mistake would be calling him Jessr or Jessw because those letters are near the letter e. But you actually spelt out the whole spelling of the alternative name (Jessie) which means you actually thought that was his name."
I've felt shitty for 24 hours because of this. I've apologised twice but he wants more - to acknowledge how I made him feel and acknowledge that this is much worse than how I see it. I just think that's way too much for what happened. As his closest friend for 18 years, who has made Jesse a baby gift, is single-handedly running his business while he's away and has been checking in almost daily (apparently not enough though), I thought he might be a bit more understanding.
Honestly, am I the asshole for misspelling the name?

I know it is not probably not legal what my boss (a woman) is doing, but it was a temporary assignment for 6 weeks. I had been there for four weeks and today she came to me, upset and frustrated because obviously I had done something wrong again, and she told me, she wants me to go as soon as possible and she will pay for my ticket. Just out of nowhere as I was doing my job. I managed to to remain calm and polite but it had been so hard with her: One time she told me she was disappointed that she had hired me, because she overestimated my capabilities. I felt so bad and terrible, and talked to my boyfriend who was my support and told me I had not lied nor said anything wrong and that I can offer to resign as soon as possible because obviously, who would want to work with someone who doesnt appreciate your work? And she never apologised but just told me to stay, and that she should have asked more questions before she hired me to see whether I was suitable or not. She gets tired and frustrated when she has to explain me things and although we are working together, she puts all the responsibility on me (there is no such thing as ´working together´or teamwork) when things go wrong, she openly shows me her disapproval, that things had gone wrong because of my fault. I kept getting demotivated and honestly, in a way, I am glad she sacked me because I already suffered and started doing things worse because I was scared of doing things wrong and stressed out. I am trying my best not to cry, at least while I am here. It is only thanks to my boyfriends reassurance that her attitude does not affect me as much, feeding into my already existing doubts that I am never enough, not good enough. Without his support, I would have felt terribly about myself. I want to say I hate her, but maybe thats too strong of a negative feeling towards someone. I am glad I am leaving. I will have to stay strong and professional until I am gone, and then I will cry because it hurts how she has been treating me, never telling me Ive done anything well or appreciating my effort, only looking at the negative things. I dont think I was such a bad person at this job and if I had done mistakes, I could see that it was also due to the stress and demotivation I tried to fight against and because she never explained to me things (because according to her, I should know these things already - even if I am new to this job!). Right now, I am hurt an1d I will do some self-care and a small love letter to myself. I am proud of myself that I have not end up in tears in front of her or anyone in her family. I am proud that I dont believe in her belief that I am worthless. I will leave with my head high and without any shame or guilt, which would only confirm to her that I have done wrong and she has done right. I would like a hug because I am trying so hard right now not to let her constant negativity let me down...

Hello guys. I (M22) live in London. So I currently (well was) attending King’s College London. And here’s my situation. I apologise if it seems all over the place and doesn’t make sense I’m not in a good state as I’m writing this.
So I live with my parents and have been living with them to save on accommodation costs and my mother didn’t want me to move out for University. I did my first year of Uni during covid from home then my second year was both from home and going in. Now during my second year I went through a lot, I had this Stockholm-syndrome like attachment to these really toxic friends who used to beat me, use me, abuse me, rob me, bully me, belittle me and basically reduced my already low confidence and self-esteem to nothing. Because of this I ended up retaking my second year.
So I retook my second year last year and I had some drama in my life but I’m also very lazy and easily distracted. I suffer from autism and suspected ADHD and concentrating and doing things is very hard for me. Like I’ve been thinking of writing this post for months now and only now I am actually sitting down and writing it.
So last year I took my second year exams. In July I found out my results. I passed most, had deferred one to summer and failed 2. Out of those two, I got an email from my programme director about one of them where she said that it’s from a different faculty and in that faculty when you retake a module, your grade lies entirely on that exam and not on the coursework and that if I get below 33% on that exam, I will fail my whole degree. Now that exam was extremely challenging for me and I knew in my heart that I can’t do this and I wanted to defer the exam for next year. However, she said that if I defer the exam, I would not be able to progress to my third year even though that module is a non-core module that is not related to my degree and I will already have the credits required to progress anyway. So I sat my exams and I passed the other two but, as predicted, I failed that one. So I appealed it and the result of my appeal was that I can retake that exam but I can’t progress to my third year I have to take a year out just for that one exam.
I fought to get into my third year but they just did not allow it. Now we will get into the problem. I told my father the truth about what was happening, however, I told my mother in summer that I passed my exams and that I have progressed to my third year. My cousin’s wedding was coming up and her physical and mental health is up and down so I wanted to keep things positive for her. I really just wanted to progress to my third year for her sake and I begged my university but they just wouldn’t allow it. Now what is not fair is that I found out other people had failed CORE module exams on their first attempt and were allowed to progress to their third year with that while retaking that exam for the core module on their second attempt while I was denied this and basically forced to take my exam for a NON-CORE module in the summer.
And the story doesn’t end here. In February, I found out I had a misconduct hearing and guess what, it was for the exam for this module that I took last MAY! So what happened was I was going through some shit last exam period with another group of friends and so when I took that exam, I didn’t realise I had my phone in my pocket. So during that exam I asked to go toilet, I went to the toilet, and then when I came back I was searched and my phone was found in my pocket and so I was accused of cheating and deceiving an invigilator. My hearing was on the 7th or 8th March and after the hearing, they upheld the charges and so my punishment was a zero on that exam (which I’d failed anyway) and THEY TOOK AWAY MY RIGHT TO RESIT AND IT SUPERSEDED THE EXAM I WAS ALREADY GOING TO RETAKE IN SUMMER ANYWAY!!!! I put in an appeal for that however, I had 10 working days to submit the appeal and I ended up submitting it at 12:03am the day after the 10th working day. I still haven’t got the results of my appeal.
So now it’s May my mum thinks I sat my third year exams my dad thinks I sat that one second year exam and yeah. I do not know what to do and where to go forward. I’m thinking of writing a letter telling my parents the truth and running away from home because I just don’t have the strength to face my mum. I can’t do it. I’m scared.
Please can anyone give me any sort of advice on my situation?

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Hopeful_Picture586 posting in AmItheAsshole and her user account
Inconclusive no updates in 1.5 years
2 updates - Long
Original - 1st June 2022
Update1 - 2nd June 2022
Update2 - 16th October 2022
Changed B to Belle (daughter) and F to Frank (Dad)
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AITA for refusing to go to my daughter graduation ceremony
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I (40sF) have a daughter (18F) who I’ll call Belle. When she was younger, her father (broke up before she was born) was very involved in her life and she was admittedly a “dad’s girl” but this all changed when she turned 8 and he got married. He barely called and just abandoned her for his new family. This was obviously hard on her and she rebelled a lot. But she went to therapy and seemed good. Belle has not seen him since she was 12 and he speaks to her maybe 3 times a year maximum. When he calls, she believes he is now back in her life for good then he ghosts her for the remainder of the year. This being said ,Belle and I have a great relationship, we do everything together. She even refers to me as her best friend so I’d say we have a good relationship.
Recently was her graduation and I was excited. But then she came to me a week before and told me she is going to invite her dad and his son. And cos her dad doesn’t want to see me, I can’t come. Belle told me that was the only way he was gonna go. I angrily told her, I felt betrayed and wont forgive her for this. She just told me I have been there for many of her milestones and she wants her father to experience some too. Things got heated and we argued.
The night before her graduation, I pleaded with her but she ignored me when I spoke. And only said “I’m sorry but I’m not changing my mind. I left and cried until my sister offered to take me out during the graduation to take my mind of it and I agreed.
I woke up the next morning to my daughter bawling her eyes out. I looked at the time and realised the ceremony starts in 5 minutes. I asked Belle why she hasn’t left yet. Belle then tells me her father ditched her and isn’t answering anymore. I hug her and tell her to make the most of her graduation. She looked shocked and asks if I’m not going to the ceremony now her father isn’t anymore .
And how it’ll be embarrassing to be the only one there without parents. I told I’m sorry that I already had plans. She then screamed and called me a bad mom. I apologise once again and got ready to meet my sister. I chose not to go because I felt betrayed and wanted to teach her actions have consequences, even if it broke me that i didn’t go. Since Belle returned she hasn’t spoken a word to me. And she looks depressed and like she’s been crying for ages. I’m starting to regret not going.
My sister says I did the right thing, but one of the moms at my daughter school said she was depressed at graduation and now I feel bad that I ruined what was suppose to be a day to remember because I wanted to teach my daughter a lesson. So aita?
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Comments
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Mad_Cowboy_64
NTA. You gave her an important lesson about maintaining relationships with the people who are there for you and not blowing them off for the next new thing that comes along.
Agitated_Cheek4890
I fully agree. Daughter treated her horrendously. Daughter might now go NC but she would be an AH to do so given how she's treated her mother. ETA: thank you for the award
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Awkward-Wasabi-9262
And OP stop apologizing. You didn't do anything wrong. The more you apologize, the more your daughter believes that her was right in her actions. At best you can say "look, I understand you're hurt and I'm sorry you're upset but this is a consequence of your actions."
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Update - 1 day later
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I don’t think I’m a bad mom for this one thing. And I accept the judgements and read everything. To answer your question: Belle does go therapy. This isn’t the first time Belle has ditched me for her dad, she been doing it for 10 years. This is the first time I have said no to her after he father abandoned her. I have asked her therapist, if Belle is being manipulated. and she said no based on Belle and her father’s messages, and my daughter is just grasping onto a reality that isn’t there
Update: I went to my daughter and apologised for not going to her graduation. I also explained that it is not a nice feeling to be left out and I feel under appreciated. Also, that is fine to want her father there for her, but I should too. Belle told me that she’s sorry things ended this way and that she loves me(hugged me)and wants things to go back to normal. And that she acted like a bitch. I told her nevertheless I should have been there and if I could do this all over again, I would’ve gone. ( honestly I said this as I thought she now knew her dad can’t be trusted- and I felt for her).
Then I asked her if she regret uninviting me in the first place and unsurprisingly she said no. This hurt me but I figured it was because I didn’t go so it was understandable. But no, she continued saying that it was probably best I didn’t go because she would’ve been more miserable as she would have preferred her dad to be there anyway. Then I got pissed( I didn’t show it). I told her my feeling were hurt, especially since I’ve been there for her.
And she said that she’s always going to want her dad there for her big moments. I asked, even at the expense of me and knowing he most likely won’t show. And she replied “ I mean if I have to make sacrifices, I’m going to, to have my dad there. I repeated the question as she seemed to be swerving it but she just shrugged and went on her phone. I told her not to expect everyone to apologise and turn a blind eye when she doesn’t value them in the real world. And i also said, knowing how she feels, don’t expect another apology from me and this is the last time I’m doing this. She looked tear eyes but I left.
I don’t know how other parents do this. I know her father is going to keep abandoning her and honestly I’m at my limit. And If I didn’t know whether I was wrong or not before, I definitely know I was right in not going. I know I’m going to get a lot of backlash saying this but I’m bitter and angry. I understand wanting her dad there but I should be on the same level of importance as him. I’m still going to be there for her when he inevitable ditches her again but if this behaviour carries on to her next graduation or wedding day. I can’t say I’ll be that apologetic to her. I should’ve just listened to NTA.
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Comments
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Alibeee64
Can I ask why her dad didn’t want you at the ceremony? It sounds like you don’t have an issue with him, but he obviously has one with you. Perhaps your daughter needs to work to understand this, as he seems very vindictive. If she doesn’t learn to set boundaries with him, what is going to happen when he makes similar demands at other important life events like college graduation, or her wedding? Is she going to expect you to keep letting her run over you emotionally in order to accommodate her dad’s crazy demands, especially when he keeps letting her down. And is she going to spend her life chasing after men who emotionally distance themselves from her because her relationship with her father has taught her to do this?

OOP: Honestly we broke up on good terms. I haven’t spoken to him in years though. And when I have seen their messages, it’s always small talk and nothing about me. So I don’t where this came from.
Her father always believed in leaving the past in the past. Even when were together, he was always a firm believer of that. So even though we had amicable breakup, he also didn’t see the need in being in contact with me. I just didn’t think he would have applied that to Belle when he got his new family. Also, I’ve heard a lot of rumours from friends as to why he does this to Belle, but then again they haven’t been confirmed by her father. So I can’t speak to that. She did want me there at her ceremony, she spoke it non stop to me until her father said what he said. And yes there’s messages of him telling B he won’t be comfortable with seeing me after so long. I genuinely don’t why he would say that.

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Update - 4 months later
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I’m sure no one asked for this update but here goes.
I’m going to refer to Belle's father as Frank.
For the past few months I’ve done a lot of reflection. Although, I can’t say I regret not going to B’s graduation ceremony, I do wish I handled the situation more like an adult. Growing up, I was taught never to ask questions I don’t want the answer to and that is exactly what I did with my daughter. I shouldn’t have asked if she regretted uninviting me because truthfully I didn’t want to hear the answer. And for that, i think I acted childish.
To clear up some misconception: I don’t speak to Belle’s father simply because he refuses to be cooperative. Also, when I said Belle referred to me as her “best friend”. This doesn’t mean I treat her like my equal. I do parent her, she did get grounded and got her phone taken away when she misbehaved at school etc( which is rarely). I think she calls me that because she feels comfortable to talk to me about everything.
Now to the update: There was an incident after, where Belle wanted her dad’s help her move into her college apartment before term started but he refused because he “had work”. She begged for weeks. The whole 3 hour ride to her college was her crying hysterically. My sister consoled her but if I’m being honest I was pissed. Pissed at my daughter as she refuses to go therapy anymore, but seriously pissed at my ex.
It took me ages after graduation but I finally got in contact with F’s aunt. I explained the situation and that I need to get into contact with him as he’s either ignoring or not getting my messages. He ended up sending me a very long letter. In a small nutshell, it said that my daughter has been stalking and threatening him and his family and he’s been trying to have a healthy relationship with her but she keeps being aggressive so he had to distance himself.
He acknowledges he hasn’t been the best father but he tried for the past few years and Belle is too aggressive so he had to put the safety of his family first. As for the graduation, he wrote that he definitely refused to go. And only said it was probably for the best as I probably wouldn’t feel too comfortable with him there. He said not to contact him again and that we’ve done enough damage.
He added photocopies of messages between him and Belle, where she “says” deeply troubling things, like physical threats. Personally, I thought everything he said was BS and misconstrued. I spoke to Belle and told her of her father’s accusations. She broke down in tears hysterically and admitted that she hasn’t been the nicest to Frank’s wife and child (understandably) but she never threatened and stalked them. I was trying to calm her down. I told her I believe her and suggested therapy. Then she turned on me, blaming me for the breakdown between her and her father relationship.
She swore at me and broke stuff. She told me to stop trying to villainize her father, when I’m the problem. She called me a burden and cancer and said I should’ve stayed out of her business. I was called a bad mother and told I should burn in hell. To be clear, she was never violent towards me. She packed her stuff and left, presumably back to college. Me or my family haven’t heard from her since. I called and called but only got one message from a random number telling me to leave her alone. I told her I’m always here when’s she’s ready to talk.
It’s been 2+ months since I spoke to her. I’ll never admit this to anyone but honestly I feel relieved. My self esteem plummeted and I felt dead for the longest time because of this situation. I’m going therapy and feel the tiniest bit better. I finally went on a date yesterday for the first time in a decade, without getting guilted. In hindsight, mine and B’s relationship were no where near perfect. I don’t know what more I could’ve done but I wished I did more. She’s my child and she was a victim of an overall shit situation.
Sorry for the long update.
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Comments
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maybemaybo
I'm guessing with the graduation he likely said something like "and your mom probably wouldn't be comfortable seeing me.." in an attempt to let her down politely.
And that probably led her to go "well if I uninvite my mum, problem solved!" refusing to actually see the truth, that he won't come because it doesn't fit in with their fantasy.
I would honestly reach out to F's family member and say "pass on that he should use these threats to try and get a restraining order" because now she's cut you off, who knows how much more desperate she is to get to him.
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Me and my ex broke up roughly 2 months ago following an argument where I had brought up her ex in an argument, we were on ok terms for a few weeks until she hadn't responded to me one day and I suppose I couldn't deal with it any longer and I blocked her, in the following week my friend had posted me and a different ex on their story and I feel like this upset my most recent ex. I want to send the following note to her along with some gifts, is it a bad idea?
"Happy Birthday [redacted] I hope you went well on your exams. I'm not sure how you will find this letter so I do apologise if it is unwelcome. I have gotten you some gifts, first of all ’ve returned your car keys which I never had the chance to give back to you, I'm not sure how you’ve managed without them, I've tried making a pineapple garland for you, i have also included a shell you once had given to me, they sit in my car and it reminds me of you every time i see them.
I am the most excited about the peso’s and Nepalese rupees I have found. Of course it's [redacted] birthday too so I have gotten him a necklace that I think he’d like.
Once again, I apologise if this is not received well and do know that you don’t have to respond. I just wanted to get you something for your birthday.
I am sorry for everything.
-[redacted]"
to explain the note, they are actually my car keys but she always had a joke pretending they were hers and would steal them from me (I have new ones btw), she loves everything pineapple related, the shell is self explanatory and she is half Mexican and grew up in Nepal. the necklace is for her twin brother, they are very close.
Is this a bad idea? Is the note too much? is it overbearing? are the presents too much?
as stated in the letter I don't expect a response, I would actually rather I didn't get a response. I just hopes it makes her happy.

Ministers apologise and return £7,000 in benefits to woman, 93, with dementia
Government ministers have formally apologised and repaid £7,000 to a 93-year-old woman whom they held responsible for running up benefits overpayment debts even though they were told she had dementia and was unable to manage her affairs.
The case, which the minister for disability, Mims Davies, admitted was “disturbing”, was brought to light by the Guardian as part of its investigation into carer's allowance overpayments.
The agreement to write off the debt of the 93-year-old, whom the Guardian has chosen not to name, comes as ministers have promised to try new ways of sharing information with carers to try to prevent them building up months and years of overpayments.
Read the full article on theguardian.com
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DWP confirmed that it is developing an ‘enhanced notification strategy’ to alert carer’s allowance claimants to possible overpayments
Notifications designed to encourage claimants to report changes in income and so reduce the risk of being overpaid.
As part of its policy paper, Fighting Fraud in the Welfare System: Going Further, that was published earlier this week, the Department says (at paragraph 78) -

'In carer’s allowance we are progressing an enhanced notification strategy as part of our existing commitment to improve customer engagement, building on our existing communications with customers. As part of this notification strategy we are considering all forms of targeted contact to find the most effective and efficient solution, such as exploring the use of targeted text messages or emails to alert claimants and encourage them to contact the Department when the DWP is made aware of a potential overpayment.'

The Department added -

'The new strategy will help claimants understand when they may have received an earnings-related overpayment or are at risk of doing so, and will encourage claimants to contact the DWP to meet their obligation to inform the Department of changes in their income and other relevant circumstances. This will reduce the risk of those customers being overpaid.'

Note: having expressed concern that the DWP had 'done nothing' to stop carers building up huge overpayments of benefit despite knowing what people are earning, Work and Pensions Committee Chair Stephen Timms called on the National Audit Office to investigate problems with the carer's allowance system and, in particular, its failure to prevent or rectify overpayments.
Stephen Timms has also written to Secretary for State for Work and Pensions Mel Stride highlighting concerns about the DWP's lack of progress with overpayments since the previous committee's report in 2019. Mr Timms' letter repeats the committee's recommendation that the DWP increase the rate of carer's allowance and goes on to call for the DWP to review both the amount and the cliff-edge nature of the earnings limit and for the removal of the 21-hour study rule.
For more information, see Policy paper: Fighting Fraud in the Welfare System: Going Further from gov.uk
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Carers UK has welcomed the DWP's plans, noting this is the 'minimum' they've been calling for to tackle carers' overpayments. However, Director of Policy and Public Affairs Emily Holzhausen also highlights that implementing the strategy is 'urgent', asks that the whole issue be moved out of being branded benefits fraud, and that carer's allowance be reviewed as it should be 'modernised to reflect the realities of caring'.
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DWP-commissioned research highlights how the carer’s allowance earnings threshold influences decisions about how many hours carers work
Report also makes clear that the Department was made aware three years ago that there was room to improve claimant understanding and possibly reduce mistakes leading to overpayments by improving its communications.
The research, Experiences of claiming and receiving carer’s allowance, explores how and why people claim carer's allowance; their caring roles; experiences of combining paid work and care; and how well claimants understand the rules associated with the benefit. While carried out in 2020/2021, the research has been published today against a backdrop of calls for the wholescale reform of carer's allowance as a result of evidence that claimants who have earned above the carer's allowance earnings limit have been left with large overpayments and, in some cases, prosecuted for fraud.
While the research found that many claimants in employment felt there was a practical limit to the hours they could work, with many saying it was only feasible to be working part-time due to their caring responsibilities, it also found that -

• the earnings threshold appeared to influence decisions about how many hours some people worked. Even though claimants often denied that the threshold influenced their choices, they acknowledged being mindful to stay below the threshold. One claimant felt he had to refuse shifts at work that would take him over the threshold;
• in another example, the earnings limit led a claimant to reduce her hours as her wages increased, and eventually she was working so few hours that her employer felt it was not worth employing her due to her limited availability; and
• some claimants in paid work felt they might work more hours if not for the earnings threshold, and even suggested tapering the carer’s allowance earnings rule to encourage claimants to work more.

Published on the same day that the Work and Pensions Select Committee said that there has been insufficient progress in addressing the problems with carer's allowance that it highlighted five years ago, the research makes clear that the Department has been aware of the issues for some time. For example, it highlights confusion relating to the complexity of the earnings calculation, including how deductions such as childcare expenses and pension contributions are taken account of, and whether wages can be averaged if you earn more in a particular week.
In addition, with the Chair of the Select Committee Stephen Timms having said recently that the DWP has done nothing to stop carers building up huge overpayments despite knowing what people are earning, and the Committee having called on the National Audit Office to investigate the problems with the system, the research found that -

• poor communication on the part of the DWP meant that not all of those that had been overpaid benefit were clear on the reason for the overpayment;
• some said that while they were initially notified or questioned about an overpayment there was then no follow-up from the Department; and
• when the overpayment was initially raised, several claimants felt that they were spoken to or treated by DWP as though they had intentionally committed fraud when the overpayment had been a misunderstanding.

As a result, the research says -

'... there is room to improve claimant understanding and possibly reduce mistakes leading to overpayments by improving communications around eligibility criteria. Since claimants did not engage with the detail of their benefit regularly, possibly only considering it once a year when they received their annual letter, more frequent communications may improve clarity of knowledge around carer’s allowance.'

Other key findings include that -

• most claimants cared for close relatives, with two in five caring for a child (39 per cent), a quarter caring for a spouse or partner (25 per cent), and one in five (22 per cent) caring for a parent;
• caring was a long-term and high-intensity commitment, with half of claimants (52 per cent) spending 65 or more hours caring per week and more than half (54 per cent) caring for between 5 and 20 years;
• only 16 per cent of carer's allowance claimants were currently in paid work, tending to work part- time in lower paid jobs that they were able to fit around their caring responsibilities, with most (81 per cent) working 20 hours or less a week;
• of those not currently in paid work, seven in ten (69 per cent) said this was due to their responsibilities as a carer, with other barriers including a lack of flexible working options, claimants’ own health and confidence issues; and
• there was a lag between starting caring and claiming carer's allowance, with seven in ten claimants (70 per cent) caring for 5+ years, but only 3 in 10 (34 per cent) having claimed carer's allowance for that length of time.

For more information, see Experiences of claiming and receiving carer’s allowance from gov.uk
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Almost 135,000 people currently have an outstanding carer's allowance debt, with more than £250 million owed in total, according to figures supplied by DWP Minister Paul Maynard
DWP Minister also confirms that women represent 68 per cent of those with an outstanding debt.
Responding to a written question in Parliament from Work and Pensions Committee Chair Stephen Timms, Mr Maynard said -

'As of 14 May 2024, the volume of people who have an outstanding carers allowance debt is 134,800 with a total value of £251 million. This figure represents the total stock and as such the total monetary amount may have been accrued over multiple years. Those who have an outstanding carers allowance debt may no longer be in receipt of the benefit.'

Mr Maynard added that -

'Women make up the majority of carer’s allowance claims, and this is reflected in the proportion of those with an outstanding carer’s allowance debt. As of 14 May 2024, there were 42,800 (32 per cent) males, 91,900 (68 per cent) females and 100 (less than 1 per cent) not identified, with an outstanding carer's allowance debt.'

The Minister also confirmed that, as of November 2023, there were more than 991,000 people in receipt of carer's allowance, consisting of around 271,000 (27 per cent) males and 720,000 (73 per cent) females.
Mr Maynard's written answer is available from parliament.uk
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Total value of benefit overpayments in 2023/2024 increased to almost £10 billion, representing 3.7 per cent of benefit expenditure for the year
New DWP figures also show that official error underpayments remained at around £1 billion, and that people could have claimed more than £3 billion more 'if they had provided accurate information about their circumstances'.
In Fraud and error in the benefit system: financial year 2023 to 2024 estimates, the DWP calculates how much money it overpaid or underpaid as a percentage of total benefit expenditure for the year (£266.2bn) - for benefits including universal credit, housing benefit, personal independence payment, employment and support allowance and pension credit - and how many claims were paid an incorrect amount.
Note: the statistics no longer include estimates of claimant error underpayments as these are now published separately, as confirmed in recent DWP guidance.
In relation to incorrect payment rates across all benefits for the financial year ending (FYE) 2024, the figures show that the total rate of benefit expenditure overpaid was 3.7 per cent (£9.7bn), compared with 3.6 per cent (£8.3bn) in 2022/2023. In addition, the total rate of benefit expenditure underpaid was 0.4 per cent (£1.1bn), compared with 0.5 per cent (£1.2bn) in FYE 2023.
Looking in more detail at the figures for individual benefits, the statistics include data showing that -

• for universal credit, expenditure increased to £51.9bn in 2024 with an overpayment rate of 12.4 per cent (£6.5bn) and underpayment rate of 0.3 per cent (£180m), compared to expenditure of £43.4 bn, overpayments at 12.7 per cent (£5.5bn) and underpayments at 0.6 per cent (£240m) in FYE 2023;
• for personal independence payment (PIP), the overpayment rate was at the lowest recorded level of 0.4 per cent (£90m), compared with 1.1 per cent (£200m) in FYE 2023. However, the underpayment rate went up to 0.4 per cent (£80m), from 0.3 per cent (£60m) the previous year;
• for pension credit, the overpayment rate was 9.7 per cent (£520m) in FYE 2024, compared with 6.8 per cent (£330m) in the previous year, with underpayments remaining unchanged at 0.3 per cent (£50m) for both years; and
• for housing benefit, almost £1bn (£980m) was overpaid in FYE 2024 (6.3 per cent of expenditure), compared with £860m (5.7 per cent) in 2023. Underpayments remained stable at 0.4 per cent of spending (£50m in FYE 2024 and £60m in FYE 2023).

In addition to the fraud and error statistics, the DWP has also issued Unfulfilled eligibility in the benefit system: Financial Year Ending (FYE) 2024, in line with its decision to remove claimant underpayments from its main fraud and error estimates. The new statistics set out the percentage of benefit expenditure that could have been paid to people with unfulfilled eligibility 'if they had provided the correct information', and show key findings that include -

• the unfulfilled eligibility rate for 2024 is 1.2 per cent of expenditure (£3.1bn), compared with 1.0 per cent (£2.3bn) in the previous year; and
• universal credit, PIP and disability living allowance (DLA) account for around three-quarters of the total value of unfulfilled eligibility (at £730m, £870m and £750m respectively in FYE 2024).

The DWP highlighted that -

'PIP has the second highest unfulfilled eligibility rate [4 per cent] of all benefits and fairly high expenditure [£21.6bn], so due to this combination, PIP accounts for around one-quarter of total unfulfilled eligibility in FYE 2024. DLA has the highest unfulfilled eligibility rate [11.1 per cent] but relatively low expenditure [£6.8m], so even though its rate is higher than PIP, it accounts for a similar amount of total unfulfilled eligibility in FYE 2024. Universal credit has a lower unfulfilled eligibility rate than DLA and PIP [1.4 per cent] but its high expenditure means that it also accounts for a similar amount of total unfulfilled eligibility in FYE 2024.'

For more information, see Fraud and error in the benefit system: financial year 2023 to 2024 estimates and Unfulfilled eligibility in the benefit system: financial year 2023 to 2024 estimates from gov.uk
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Work and Pensions Secretary Mel Stride has set out the DWP's plans to scale up its 'fight against fraudsters'
New measures include using machine learning to detect and prevent fraudulent claims, as well as introducing a new Bill to enable benefit fraud to be treated like tax fraud.
Issuing a written statement in the House of Commons on 13th May, Mr Stride said -

'In the continued fight against fraud, today the Government will publish a new paper setting out the progress we have made in tackling fraud and error in the welfare system - Fighting Fraud in the Welfare System: Going Further. The paper sets out the progress we have made in delivering the commitments in the Government's 2022 command paper Fighting Fraud in the Welfare System and it demonstrates where we are going further to protect taxpayers’ money from fraudsters.'

Highlighting that the Data Protection and Digital Information Bill, currently before Parliament, will enable the Department to work with third parties such as banks to identify claims that signal potential fraud and error, Mr Stride says that the new measures being introduced include -

• bringing forward a new Fraud Bill in the next parliament to treat benefit fraud like tax fraud, by providing for the ability to make arrests and conduct searches and seizures by warrant;
• exploring a new civil penalty to punish fraudsters, potentially broadening the scope of cases that can receive a penalty when the courts are not prosecuting, and increasing the value of the civil penalty;
• tripling the size of the Targeted Case Review programme to reach almost 6,000 staff with the aim of saving £6.6 billion by 2027/2028; and
• making changes to universal credit including new partly automated checks on self-employed income, new online prompts for claimants to re-declare their circumstances (such as if they have moved in with a partner), and increasing checks on capital when people claim the benefit to ensure they are eligible.

Note: the Department confirms that final decisions on accepting or stopping a claim will, however, continue to be made by a member of DWP staff.
For more information, see DWP updates Fraud Plan from gov.uk
In response to the above article the Disability News Service reported that the government's fraud policy paper ignores coroner’s concerns over review of disabled woman’s universal credit claim. Read the DNS article on disabilitynewsservice.com
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Less than half of legacy benefit claimants who were sent a migration notice between July 2022 and March 2024 have made a claim for universal credit, according to new figures from the DWP
However, new DWP statistics also show that 60 per cent of households that claimed universal credit have been awarded transitional protection.
In Completing the move to Universal Credit: statistics related to the move of households claiming Tax Credits and DWP benefits to Universal Credit: data to end of March 2024, the DWP sets out figures for the period since July 2022, noting that -

'In the period covered by this bulletin, the vast majority of migration notices have been sent to tax credit households whose likelihood of claiming universal credit and receiving transitional protection may be different from DWP legacy benefit claimants, the majority of whom had not yet been sent a migration notice in the period covered in this bulletin.'

The statistics include that -

• a total of 824,050 individuals (in 540,070 households) were sent migration notices up to March 2024 - up by around 300,000 and 200,000 respectively compared to the totals for December 2023;
• a total of 400,940 individuals (49 per cent of those sent migration notices), living in 275,980 households, have made a claim for universal credit;
• of households that have claimed universal credit, 166,860 (60 per cent) have been awarded transitional protection;
• a total of 238,990 individuals who were sent migration notices are still going through the managed migration process; and
• a total of 184,120 individuals who were sent migration notices have had their legacy benefit claims closed.

Move to Universal Credit statistics, July 2022 to March 2024 is available from gov.uk
Note: the DWP has also published Universal Credit statistics, 29 April 2013 to 11 April 2024­ which show that there were 6.7 million people on universal credit in April 2024 (300,000 more than the 6.4 million in January 2024) and that half of households on universal credit that received a payment in February 2024 included children.
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Department for Communities also confirms that claimants in receipt of other legacy benefits will be issued with migration notices 'in the coming months'
The Department for Communities (DfC) has confirmed that the 'Move to UC' rollout in Northern Ireland has expanded this week to include people receiving tax credits along with housing benefit.
Announcing the expansion of the process, Deputy Secretary of Work and Health at the DfC Paddy Rooney said -

'We continue to take a measured and carefully managed approach to migrating legacy benefit recipients to universal credit. We have already successfully completed issuing migration notices to tax credit only recipients and we will continue to take every step possible to ensure that everyone receives the help and support they need during this next phase of Move to UC.'

The Department also confirmed that once it has issued migration notices to all those receiving tax credits with housing benefit, the following groups will be contacted in this order -

• people claiming income support;
• people claiming housing benefit only, and those claiming child tax credit with income-related employment and support allowance (ESA); and
• people claiming income-based jobseeker's allowance.

In relation to the bringing forward of managed migration for ESA and ESA/housing benefit claimants in Great Britain, announced by the Prime Minister on 19 April 2024, the DfC says that it is working to assess the impact of this on the region. It also confirms that it will align with the DWP's aim to complete the migration of legacy benefit claimants to universal credit by March 2025.
For more information, see Tax credit with housing benefit recipients next to 'Move to UC' and Rollout of Universal Credit for Tax Credit and Legacy Benefit customers - screening from ni.gov.uk
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57,000 adverse universal credit sanction decisions were made in January 2024, according to new DWP statistics
DWP statistics also highlight that around 95 per cent of decisions are as a result of failure to attend or participate in a mandatory interview.
In Benefit sanctions statistics to February 2024, the DWP reports on both the rate and duration of sanctions for universal credit claimants who are in conditionality regimes where they be applied.
Key findings include that -

• in February 2024, 30.1 per cent of claimants were in conditionality regimes that were subject to sanctions and, of these, 6.52 per cent were sanctioned - down 0.64 percentage points from the previous quarter;
• over the last year, 94.9 per cent of adverse sanction decisions were for failure to attend or participate in a mandatory interview; and
• in February 2024, there were 20,000 completed sanctions in the 4 weeks to 13 weeks sanction duration band, 4,800 in the over 13 weeks to 26 weeks duration band, and 4,000 of over 26 weeks duration.

In addition, while the total number of claimants in conditionality regimes where sanctions can be applied has remained largely stable since May 2022 (currently at 1.95 million), the total number of adverse sanction decisions stood at 57,000 in January 2024, the highest since March 2022.
The DWP notes that -

'Comparisons with universal credit prior to February 2024 ... should not be made. This is because the data sources, methodology and rules of the benefits differ from those used for universal credit currently.'

However, it adds that, following the reinstated duration measures and rate methodology improvements, the data is now determined stable and fit for purpose and, as of May 2024, it is published under the 'Official Statistics' label as opposed to 'in development'.
For more information, see Benefit sanctions statistics to February 2024 from gov.uk
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DWP has admitted missing multiple opportunities to record the 'vulnerability' of a disabled woman whose death was later linked by a coroner to failings at the heart of its UC system
The Disability News Service reported on the case of Nazerine (known as Naz) Anderson, from Melton Mowbray, who died of an overdose in June last year, after receiving a UC review notice.
According to a prevention of future deaths (PFD) report sent to the department by coroner Fiona Butler, the DWP missed six opportunities to record Anderson’s “vulnerability” on its IT system while it was reviewing her universal credit claim, and had failed to act on the mental distress she showed in phone calls about her claim. It also repeatedly failed to act on requests to direct its telephone calls and letters to her daughter.
The DWP admits multiple universal credit failures before disabled woman’s death article is available on disabilitynewsservice.com
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Number of emergency food parcels distributed across the UK by the Trussell Trust has increased by 90 per cent over the past five years
Food charity reports that it distributed more than three million parcels last year, with more than a million of them going to children.
In Emergency food parcel distribution in the UK: April 2023 - March 2024, the Trust says that it distributed 3,121,404 food parcels, the most parcels that it has ever distributed in a financial year, representing a four per cent increase on last year's record-breaking numbers for 2022/2023 and a 94 per cent increase since 2018/2019.
The charity also highlights that the number of parcels provided to children has continued to rise, exceeding 1.1 million in 2023/2024, and that food bank support is provided disproportionately to children, compared to the proportion of children in the UK population. In addition, it notes that pension age households are increasingly likely to need to use a food bank, with food bank support for these households having more than quadrupled between 2018/2019 and 2023/2024 (an increase of 345 per cent), compared to an 81 per cent rise amongst households without someone of pension age.
Also sharing statistics on the reason for referral for an emergency food parcel - which include health, benefit issues, work hour changes, insecure housing, changes in personal circumstances, immigration status and domestic abuse, as well as income and debt levels - the Trussell Trust says -

'Across all households the most common reason for referral was due to issues with income and debt levels. The vital role of the social security system in driving these trends is clear from the fact that the majority (78 per cent) of people referred to food banks were reported to solely have income from the social security system, with a further 8 per cent having earned income as well as income from social security.'

Trussell Trust Chief Executive Emma Revie said -

'It’s 2024 and we’re facing historically high levels of food bank need. As a society, we cannot allow this to continue. We must not let food banks become the new norm ... A supportive social security system is the bedrock on which we end hunger for good. Building on this, we need much more effective employment and financial support for parents, carers and disabled people, and action to ensure everyone can have the security we all need to access opportunities and have hope for the future, through more secure and flexible jobs and investment in social housing. Food banks are not the answer. They will be there to support people as long as they are needed, but our political leaders must take bold action to build a future where everyone has enough money to afford the life’s essentials. The time to act is now.'

For more information, see End of Year Stats from trusselltrust.org
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Employment Minister Jo Churchill has provided a House of Lords Select Committee with an undertaking that the administrative earnings threshold (AET) in universal credit will not be increased again without a 'sound evidence base'
However, Minister's evidence to Lords Committee fails to address its dissatisfaction with DWP's explanation for not publishing robust evidence to support previous increases in the threshold.
Further to the Lords Secondary Legislation Scrutiny Committee's report on new regulations that implemented a further increase in the AET from 13 May 2024 - that criticised the ‘inexplicable’ lack of data evaluating previous increases in the threshold in September 2022 and January 2023 - the Committee held a one-off evidence session yesterday to question the Minister and DWP officials.
Introducing the session, Committee Chair Lord Hunt acknowledged that the DWP had agreed to share its informal findings supporting its AET policy. However Lord Hunt added that -

'... similar, no doubt to the material that the Social Security Advisory Committee saw but correctly declined, if information is not available to the House and the public, then we feel unable to consider it either.'

The Committee then questioned the Minister about the Department's failure to publish evidence providing an assessment of the impact of increasing the AET either before or after implementing the change.
In response, Ms Churchill highlighted that the Department did publish a randomised controlled trial evaluation in 2018 providing the highest level of evidence on the impacts of increased in-work conditionality that Ministers have had sight of. When challenged that this evidence is somewhat outdated and 'a bit threadbare' - as it has been relied on for three increases in the AET - Ms Churchill indicated that Ministers also had early sight of unpublished research (a Regression Discontinuity Design (RDD) study) that compares the experiences of claimants who are just below and just above the AET.
When pressed on the expected publication dates for this and further evidence, Mr Churchill said -

'I have asked for [the RDD study] to be available as soon as it can be, and the date I was given was spring 2024 ... I would like it out the door as soon as possible, so you have more data ... RDD is the next piece, the next building block and then, the longitudinal study will come through in 2025.'

Concluding the session with a final question, Lord Hunt, speaking on behalf of the whole Committee, said -

'... we're looking for an undertaking from you, not to further expand the cohort until the Department can publish robust evidence of its effects. Are you able to give us that undertaking?

Ms Churchill responded -

'So are you alluding to us holding 15 hours or with this latest laying at 18? Because I could certainly say to you, I think with all confidence that at 18, we want to understand the iterations and make sure that we've got a sound evidence base from there.'

NB - the increase in the AET in January 2023 was based, for individuals, on the equivalent of them working 15 hours per week at the National Living Wage, and this week's increase to the equivalent of them working 18 hours per week.
Despite welcoming the Minister's reply, Lord Hunt went on to say -

'... we accept your undertaking, except we are still as dissatisfied as we were because you haven't provided, in the view of the Committee, sufficient explanation yet. We are awaiting this robust evidence, which I think that we now expect in June 2024.'

The evidence session Regulations to increase the Administrative Earnings Threshold (Legislative scrutiny) is available from parliament.tv
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Work and Pensions Select Committee has called on the government to bring forward proposals to compensate women born in the 1950s who suffered as a result of the DWP's communication failures when their pension age was increased, and asks that it does so in the current parliamentary session
Committee chair highlights lengthy delay and urgency for affected women and calls on government to act on Parliamentary Ombudsman recommendations before summer recess.
Writing to Secretary of State for Work and Pensions Mel Stride, Committee Chair Stephen Timms requests government support for 'urgent action' following the Parliamentary Ombudsman's final report in March 2024 which recommended a remedy based on level 4 of its severity of injustice scale, putting awards at between £1,000 and £2,950.
Mr Timms says that the Committee does not seek to question the Ombudsman's proposal for compensation at level 4, but instead has focused on what a remedy may look like -

'The evidence we received indicated support for a rules-based system. This would be a system where payments would be adjusted within a range (based on the PHSO’s severity of injustice scale) to reflect the extent of change in the individual’s State Pension age and the notice of the change which the individual received. This would mean that the less notice you had of the change and the bigger the change in your SPA, the higher the payment you would receive. While not perfect, the advantages of such a system are that it would be: quick to administer; applying known data to a formula to determine the amount due; and relatively inexpensive (compared to a more bespoke system).'

The Committee's recommendation also includes some flexibility for individuals to make the case for further compensation in the event that they have experienced direct financial loss, for example where a woman whose divorce settlement was less than it would have been because it was based on the expectation that she would receive her state pension at 60.
Mr Timms also asks the government to consider -

'... the need for urgent action, given that the Ombudsman started to look at this issue in 2018 and that every 13 minutes a woman born in the 1950s dies ... Implementing a remedy will need parliamentary time, financial resources, and the data and technical systems only available to your department. It cannot happen without government support. We would ask you to bring forward proposals for a remedy by the summer recess.'

Mr Timms' letter to the Secretary of State for Work and Pensions is available from parliament.uk
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dealing with a problematic member of a board games group
Originally posted to Ask A Manager
EDITORS NOTE: Changed Q to Quinn for easier reading
Original Post Sept 15, 2022
I wanted to write and say thank you.
I am part of a local board games group, and started to run the group a while ago. It’s a great group of people who all enjoy coming together to play board games and have fun, and it was one of the key factors in making my husband and I feel at home in the city where we live. We have both made friends with people in the group, and it’s now a firm part of our life here. In addition, a regular member who left recently said that the group was the highlight of his week, which was lovely to hear. I love running the group!
However, there is a member of the group, Quinn, who has been in the group since it started (seven years or more) and has been displaying problematic behavior since he joined (rude comments, refusing to play anyone else’s games, losing his temper at times, leaving games in a huff when he’s losing, and generally making the atmosphere unpleasant for others). When we joined, we were told that Quinn bothered everyone but was just something that was being in the group, so we went along with that. At the time, the group was very serious and inclined towards more serious board games, and only three people ever brought games. There has been a real change of culture since then, with a range of games being played (light games, traditional games, and heavy games) and everyone brings games now. The atmosphere is a lot lighter, with more emphasis on having fun and being social, and this is something that Quinn does not enjoy and has not adjusted well to.
When I started to run the group, I noticed Quinn’s behavior was having a terrible effect on the group (people not coming back because of him or doing anything to avoid playing with him, and his preference for playing games in reverential silence making sessions less fun for everyone). I also realized that some people were at breaking point with this and it might contribute to them leaving.
The deputy (Kelly) and I wanted to ensure that we did it fairly and using the right procedure. We gathered feedback on the group, (which was useful in itself!), which confirmed that Quinn’s behavior was an issue, and I spoke to him, named what we were seeing with clear examples, and explained what we needed to see change. Quinn said he would take it on board. Your scripts and language were very helpful, as Quinn takes things very literally and factually.
Quinn’s behavior improved for four weeks, which was great. Some people have put up with it for so long that no amount of change will make them want to play games with Quinn, but some people were willing to give Quinn a chance. Unfortunately, Quinn’s behavior started to slip after four weeks, culminating in a session where they almost put a new member off coming back by lecturing them about group etiquette and insulting their game shelves with what was meant to be a joke, but did not land.
I spoke to Quinn again and explained that since the behavior we discussed had returned, if this did not improve, we would have to ask Quinn to leave as the group is for everyone and I need to do what’s right for the group as a whole.
Quinn took the points on board and was visibly upset at the thought of being asked to leave the group. Since we spoke to them, they haven’t attended of the two sessions since then, but they are still chatting on our Discord channel and seem to be trying to make amends by promoting the group to a students’ group in the city we live in.
We don’t know what will happen, but Kelly and I have agreed what behaviors will mean Quinn will be asked to leave, and your scripts and posts were invaluable in thinking about how to tackle this, and what language to use. Your posts have helped me realize that being the group leader means that the buck stops with me. For example, my husband and I disagreed on how to handle the situation (he was in favor of asking Quinn to leave immediately) but I had the confidence to think it through, follow the process through fairly, and know that if it didn’t work, that responsibility would rest with me.
This isn’t related to work per se, but I wanted to say thank you very much for the invaluable and free advice which has really helped me in navigating this situation!
Update #1 Dec 22, 2022
The update is a mixed one!
The bad news is that we ended up asking Quinn to leave the group last week. This was because the behaviours we had spoken to him about twice were repeating, and one member was planning to leave because of Quinn’s behaviour, and because of a conversation that I had with Quinn at the session before last.
Quinn spoke to me at the end of the session. He had apologised in person to the person involved in one of the incidents we had spoken to him about. In short, Quinn had made a joke which had come across as an insult. The person said that it was all fine (which could be for a lot of different reasons).
Quinn thought that due to this the second talk we had with him was totally unwarranted, but he said that he appreciated the reminders.
I sent Quinn a message last week. I was as kind as I could be, explained the reasons for us asking him to leave, and said that I could be wrong, but maybe he would be happier in a games group which was more serious and played heavier games. Quinn did not reply, but left the online groups we have for the games group and did not come to the next session.
The reason for sending a message rather than speaking to Quinn in person was that the only way to speak in person would be to do it at the end of a session. Given the layout of the hall, this would be hard to do without at least one person knowing, and I didn’t like the idea of Quinn sitting through a session with at least some people knowing that it was the last one.
I discussed it with Kelly, and we agreed that if people asked about Quinn not being there, we would give a short explanation but that we wouldn’t make a group wide announcement. So far reactions to the update have ranged from sympathy tinged with a comment that he was given two chances to a comment that he was given two clear, fair chances to improve.
It doesn’t feel great to have done it, but it was for the good of the whole group, and I do think that in the long run, Quinn will be happier in a different games group. We live in a smallish town and the board gaming community is small, so I don’t know if this will happen, realistically, but I hope that it will.
The games group is continuing to grow and thrive, and we have a good buffer built up now. Once we reach a certain amount, I’m hoping to use a local board game rental company (an independent company) at least once for the games group.
We had fourteen people at the session this week (which meant that we were in profit!) and everyone had a good time. I do think that our group had changed so much that Quinn wasn’t enjoying it as much as he did a couple of years ago, and the group was highly unlikely to change back.
Some of the commenters on the original post suggested considering changing the picking process for games, and we are working on making this quicker.
On a personal note, I also want to say thank you very much for all of the advice in this blog. I’m currently job hunting and using the advice and information here, and your suggested questions to ask at the end of an interview have impressed two interviewers so far!
The jobs I am applying for are to manage a team, as this is what I would like to do (having had experience in a previous job, and as I enjoy running the games group) and while asking Quinn to leave wasn’t the desired outcome, the process of managing this situation, based on the AAM advice, has been a really valuable experience for me.
I hope that you and all of your readers have a happy and healthy end of the year!
Update 2 Apr 11, 2024
I am the letter writer who runs a board games group and used Alison’s excellent advice about communication to deal with a problematic member of the games group and the issues their behavior was causing.
We had a twist in the tale recently when Quinn, the member who was asked to leave the group because their behavior was negatively impacting others, asked if they could come back.
For four weeks every year, we use a different venue as another group needs our normal venue. One one of the four weeks, I went for a walk before the session and noticed what looked like Quinn in the park. When the session started, Quinn appeared, just “passing by,” and we had a quick chat about this and that before they asked if they could come back to the group, saying they were in a better place now. They then left without ordering anything, which makes me think they dropped in just to see us.
I said I would send a message, and gave it due consideration. I also asked a friend who knows Quinn and used to be in the group, but has now moved, for their more objective input.
The decision was no: the group is working well as it is, with high numbers and between 11 and 20 people per session, and Quinn coming back would lead to awkwardness and possible animosity from a few people, some of whom would speak their mind. We would also lose a lot of members, and the group would slowly decline. For what it’s worth, one person who had some very negative interactions with Quinn, when they heard why Quinn was there ( they were round the corner), exclaimed “No!” to Quinn coming back, and this person is one of the nicest people you’ll meet. Similar reactions were given from others.
I sent Quinn a message explaining the decision, and I was as fair and kind as possible given the circumstances. Quinn has found another games group, albeit one that only plays light games, (not heavy games, Quinn’s preference), and I mentioned that and said it sounds like a nice group (which it does).
Quinn was perfectly pleasant when we chatted, but that was for about eight minutes, and they knew what was coming. They also said that they weren’t often doing the things I’d mentioned anymore (moving other people’s pieces, and a couple of other examples I gave), and that although their new group likes light games, they are helping some people progress up to heavier games. It wasn’t clear if the people wanted to progress (one of the issues we had was Quinn assuming that everyone wanted to progress).
The games group continues to do well, with enough surplus each year to give everyone free sessions every January, and we receive frequent feedback that the atmosphere is friendly and welcoming and that people feel at home and confident to bring and teach their games there. Our annual Christmas potluck dinner and session with a Secret Santa also continues. We also have a Google sheet with people’s games collections, if they want to add them, thanks to one of our members who likes spreadsheets.
For myself, Ask a Manager continues to help me out at work! I recently applied for a job which would be a step up income wise and I used Alison’s tips, and I use the communication tips in daily life as well as at work. I was actually used as a bargaining chip in recent negotiations at work over a type of meeting that needs minuting (for my minuting skills), so I will take that as a compliment!
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Hi I’m a 29 year old female. When I was 13, I fell pregnant. This wasn’t a consensual relationship, I was a virgin who didn’t really even know how babies were made, i still played with barbies, I was raped by my friends 23 year old brother during a sleepover.
I didn’t tell anybody. I didn’t know I was pregnant, Id only started my periods a few months prior so there absence didn’t concern me and like I said, I didn’t really know how babies were made beyond the basics. I found out I was pregnant at 29 weeks when I went to ER with my parents for stomach pain.
My parents were very angry at me despite the circumstances. He was convicted and imprisoned. My parents didn’t even attend court or give a statement. They tried to find a doctor who’d give me an abortion, even offering substantial amounts of money, but none would due to gestation. They said I had to give the baby up and I went along with it, I had no support from them and I grew up having a very cold relationship with them.
I was told I’d need to put the baby up for adoption. I was taken out of school and the pregnancy hidden from everyone apart from medical professionals and social workers.
When my daughter was born (on my 14th birthday) she was born 4 weeks premature. She was taken straight to NICU after birth so I didn’t get to see her. They allowed me in to NICU three times for the 13 days I was in hospital ( c section with an infected scar) The nurses in there were lovely and let me hold her and bond with her and encouraged me to speak up for myself because I did not want to give her up. I told social services and my parents I didn’t want to give her up. They said I had no choice due to my age and the fact I had no support. I was prevented from visiting her in NICU any further times because and I quote from the social worker “it won’t do you any good to start getting attached to her when you’re not keeping her” I remember on the 7th day I was in there she was stable enough to be discharged and I was told she was now going. They wouldn’t let me say good bye to her, I stood outside of NICU and watched her be carried out by the social worker and adoptive parents in a car seat. I remember screaming at them whilst a security guard restrained me as I was trying to hit him as he was blocking me from getting close to my child. I was then sedated. A nurse in NICU was in tears seeing this and later came to my room to apologise to me and gave me a hug, that’s the only kindness I was ever shown throughout that.
I was told that I was too young and because of that they didn’t need my consent for adoption just the consent of my parents. They said I could only raise her if my parents were prepared to support me which they were not. After which I was hysterical and had to be sedated. I was sent to boarding school and suffered from serious depression and made an attempt on my life.
It wasn’t an open adoption, I was allowed to leave a letter with her and I also left her my necklace which was my prized possession at the time. The adoptive mother stated she wanted no contact which I was devastated about but the social worker told me I could have contact when she turned 18. After I turned 18 and left boarding school, I moved in with my Nan whilst attending university. My Nan gave me so much love and care and was very disappointed in my parents (my Nan had no knowledge of me even being pregnant)
When I was 21 I graduated and I also got pregnant, that relationship didn’t work out but I’ve since married and had 3 more children. But I’ve never stopped thinking about my first born. I gave birth to her on my 14th birthday so we share a birthday and every birthday I feel like I’m grieving. I go through periods of just crying and staying in bed feeling guilty at what I’d done. I still feel so guilty and I can’t cope with guilt it eats me up.
Anyway, my daughter who is now 15 found me on Facebook 2 weeks ago (I have a distinct name and I still use my maiden name on there) she messaged me an angry message and then blocked me so I couldn’t even respond.
She messaged me saying that she hates me and I’m dead to her, she told me how much she loves her adoptive mother and as far as she’s concerned I don’t exist. She says I’ve turned her in to a “messed up person” and how she wants to kill herself because of me. She told me how she thought I was a disgusting person for giving her up for adoption because I wanted to “enjoy life without the burden of a child” her words. She called me a slut (among other words) and questioned why I was having sex at 13. She said that she hoped my other children die and called them racist terms (they are mixed) because she is angry that I kept them and not her and that she felt that meant I wasn’t good enough. She then went on to say her adoptive mother told her that
1: My parents (her bio grandparents) wanted her but I refused to look after her and wanted her to be adopted (lies)
2: I wanted an abortion and told adoptive mother that I wished I could have had an abortion (lies)
3: That adoptive mother had reached out to me when I was 21 and pregnant with her first sibling to ask if I wanted contact, and I (according to her birth mum) said I didn’t care about her and wanted to forget the whole thing and asked her not to contact me again. (God knows if that had actually happened I would have jumped at the chance)
4: That I was sleeping around with a lot of men my age and didn’t know her bio dad as I’d been with so many male school friends which is why I got sent to boarding school because I was “out of control” (lies)
All the above are just outright lies. I am glad she doesn’t know the circumstances of her conception, I’d be happy if bio mum had told her for example that her father was a childhood boyfriend of mine because the truth is something she shouldn’t know until she’s older, but to suggest I was sleeping around with multiple men at the age of 13 and didn’t know who he was is disgusting when it’s not true.
Im not able to contact her back because she’s blocked me. I’ve looked at her profile from my husbands account, I’ve seen her adoptive mum and dads Facebook profile but I don’t intend to contact any of them as much as I want to because I guess I will just tell her everything when she’s 18 if she wants to hear it because perhaps now is not the appropriate age.
Her mums Facebook shows that she is her only child, that she’s now divorced (her and her husband adopted my daughter so she’s since divorced him) they have lots of photos together. She has one post saying they were being evicted and asking if anyone knew any landlords so not in stable housing.
I found her adoptive fathers Facebook. No photos of my daughter but plenty of photos of his new wife and their 3 children. It seems he’s moved overseas.
My daughters Facebook is concerning and it’s public so I could see everything. She posts quotes about depression and anxiety, has scars on her wrists which I believe are SH scars) writes status’ such as “no body cares about me I may as well just die” and posts indicating how she hates her adoptive father (not sure what’s gone on there, likely adoptive mother has poisoned her against him too or won’t allow access but he possibly he just doesn’t want involvement) constantly posts pictures laying in a hospital bed and attached to a drip with wounds on her arms.
I know I shouldn’t have been snooping on adoptive parents and daughters Facebook as much as I did but I needed to ensure I had all info to give to social services and so I knew the situation. When I met them, they seemed kind. Social services are allowed to tell birth parents a bit about the adoptive parents life at the time of adoption, they told me they had been together for 10 years prior, she was unable to carry a pregnancy past 20 weeks and had lost a lot of babies before pursing adoption, that they had a lovely big home and that she didn’t work so had a lot of time for baby and her husband was in the army and how they had lots of extended family to love the child.
I have since informed social services about what I’ve seen on Facebook and they’ve just told me that they can not discuss this with me due to confidentiality as she’s legally not my child but have said they can assure me that they are looking in to it (I screenshot and sent the posts) and are doing everything necessary to ensure she is ok and now have involvement with her and bio mum. They can’t update me on their circumstances now (like they did when she was adopted) because the adoption is done.
I don’t really know what to do. She has a false impression of me told by her adoptive mother. None of which is true, she was so wanted and I’ve never got over it. I now fear that her thinking I rejected her and didn’t want her and she wasn’t good enough has led to some serious mental health issues and potentially these will only get worse or she could harm herself very badly based on lots of lies.
I want her to know I love her, I want her to know I wanted her but I was forced to give her up, I want her to know that I still love her and always will and that I’d do anything for her. I want to tell her I was never contacted by adoptive mother and had I have been I would have jumped at the opportunity to even just talk to my daughter. I want to tell her that I do know her bio father and I wasn’t sleeping with multiple men (although the truth regarding the rape shouldn’t be disclosed right now) I just want her to know all of this, but I’m powerless until she is 18. I have been told if I message her from a different account since I’m blocked I could face legal charges.
I am so scared of her hurting herself based on lies. Her adoptive mum whilst I believe does love her, has poisoned my daughter against me in an attempt to get my daughter to hate me because she doesn’t want daughter potentially coming back to me or forming a relationship with me and her getting pushed out, so she’s said all of this to make that impossible so she will be her only mother.
But that’s to the detriment of my daughter, my daughter clearly has mental health issues and whilst they could be from other things I know that feeling unloved, unwanted and having being told this information that is outright lies must be weighing heavily on her and making her feel inadequate. I can’t imagine if I was adopted and I heard things like that about my bio mum, it would devastate me and I would hate myself.
I don’t know what I’m hoping to gain from this post just looking for advice. I can contact her in 3 years. But I’m scared in those 3 years something bad could happen with the way her mental health is, and that something bad may happen without her knowing the truth about how much I love her.
I’ve been off sick from work since, I have been an emotional wreck. I just hope she’s okay even if she does hate me. Of course I’d love to tell her the truth but more than anything I want her to know the truth for the sake of her own mental well-being even if that means she still doesn’t want to speak to me. Social services just keep telling me that they can’t discuss anything with her about me beyond the basics of the fact that she’s adopted. The rest is down to adoptive mother to disclose if she wishes. When she is 18 she will get access to her file and know the true circumstances but until then, everything she knows is based on lies.
I fully understand her angry reaction because I can understand being told that about your bio mother would upset and anger anyone. I’m more concerned about the fact her adoptive mum thinks this is ok just to keep daughter close to her and away from me but to the detriment of her mental health and feelings. If I was in adoptive mothers situation I would have perhaps said something like “your mum was young but I’m sure she loves you” - even if that’s not the truth, it’s better to say that and wait for when they’re an adult to find out the truth rather than putting their mental health at risk and making them feel inadequate.
EDIT:
Yes I am upset that she doesn’t like me, I am upset that she’s been told lies, I’m upset that she doesn’t want to know me. But I know my feelings aren’t as important. I feel very guilty I had to give her away in the first place, I feel guilty that she thinks this of me, I feel angry at adoptive mum for telling her this.
But ultimately if she had messaged me saying that she’d been told all of this and didn’t like me but said she had a good life and was happy, I’d still be upset but I would feel a lot better knowing she was doing well. However to hear this and be told she wants to kill herself because of what she’s been told about me, seeing her Facebook and evidence of dangerous behaviour and self harm makes me very concerned and even more guilty and I’m powerless. I would be able to sleep at night knowing she hated me but had a good life and felt loved, but clearly she doesn’t. I’m so worried that she may hurt herself or end her life because of what she thinks about me which isn’t true. I just want her to be ok, even if she does hate me and will continue hating me forever. As long as she has a good life and is happy then I will feel at peace, but she’s clearly has very serious mental health issues, isn’t being monitored correctly (hence the half nude photos) and wants to end her life and self harm.

Original: https://www.reddit.com/MuslimMarriage/s/rDHR1xDDj5
Assalamualaykum everyone. Thank you all for the great advice. I’ve been a lurker on this sub for a while and for once I feel there’s constructive advice. I didn’t take any of it since the events happened before I could read the replies, but thank you. Me and my wife had the argument a couple of days ago and I wrote the post the morning after. Didn’t upload it until a few hours later but a lot has happened since then.
Update:
I had to go home to get some clothes and toiletries and saw my wife wasn’t at home. We have each other’s locations so I quickly went to avoid the conversation as I told her a little before I’d get in contact when I was ready. I guess I took too long because she came home as I was leaving. I tried leaving before we had another argument but she looked terrible and begged to have a conversation. She tried kissing and hugging me but I wasn’t ready and we sat down. She explained that her intention was not to slap me but rather to push me away because she thought I was trying to hug her. We have a camera in our hallway and she showed me the footage and it did kind of look that way, even then I’m not sure. She explained that she has been feeling rejected since I have not been giving her the usual attention ever since the project started. It is true as on my part, our date nights and time together has gone down significantly.
She said that her friend knew none of our problems beforehand and showed me the texts, there weren’t any deleted ones as the conversations made sense and I can tell when she’s lying. Her friend was driving past when she saw us. She still said that she’s cut her friend off without me saying anything. I’ve explained that yes I’m happy she cut her friend off, but it’s not all her fault. She should’ve talked to me before accusing me and believed me.
My wife explained the reason she reacted the way she did was because of her upbringing. She saw her sister being cheated on and resented her sister for staying with her brother in law. She promised herself she’d never be that weak and would leave immediately. She now realised she took it too far and hated herself for it. She went upstairs and came back with all her jewellery and gifts I’ve bought her. She says she doesn’t deserve any of it and I should take it back. She’s so scared that I’ll divorce her but begged me to give her another chance. I was silent for a bit and she even started hugging my legs asking me not to. She got hysterical and was crying and I had to calm her down.
From my side I said I apologised for neglecting her because I didn’t give her any attention if I’m honest these past months. My best friend made me realise it and we had a good conversation. I explained to my wife that I’m sorry and I’m not going to divorce her over one big fight we had when she’s given me all I can want as a husband. A lot of people said I should leave her, but I couldn’t have asked for more before our fight. She does everything for me without me asking, it’s to the point I have to force her to let me do things. I said that I’m going to take some space away at my friends, and once my project is wrapped up in a couple of days we can spend some time together. She said that she wants us to take a weekend getaway and that she’d pay for it. I told her to take back her jewellery and that I’d pay for the trip. She said she’d start looking and that she’ll text me the details. She apologised again and thanked me. She hugged me and wouldn’t let me go and we had dinner together before I left. She gave me a couple of letter she wrote before I went back. People also said to get our parents involved, but if I did my family might’ve hated her. We also did discuss if anything happened like this then she’d be gone and if she has anything on her mind to confide in me. I might not have forgiven her so quickly had she not cut off her friend without me asking and taking accountability.
Thank you all for the support, I’m happy this sub has been helpful for once😂.

Just wanted to share our positive PIP story with everyone here. I’ve been a long term reader and I know reading other people’s positive stories definitely helped get me through this.
My husband has Huntington’s Disease, which if you’re not familiar with it is a rare genetic degenerative disease with no cure. He was already symptomatic at 30 years old which is quite early to start experiencing symptoms and I feel this made it all the more difficult re PIP.
It took 8.5 months in total. I spent 7 full days writing his how your disability affects you form. Kept caring diaries. All sorts! He had a telephone assessment with no notice. At first he was awarded 0 points across the board which was absolutely gut wrenching when he suffers so much everyday. It made him question whether he was even poorly at all when the “experts” said there’s nothing wrong with him. Huntington’s is a difficult one as his brain is slowly going wrong and without things being pointed out to him, he is oblivious to changes in himself. He struggles with everything but gets angry at himself rather than asking for help, etc. because he doesn’t think he needs it. After months of coming to terms with the disease that really sent him backwards.
With my help we challenged it at MR level. I wrote the longest reconsideration letter and got some charities involved. We got letters form every specialist he had been assessed by. Again straight 0’s! I was less angry this time because I was confident at tribunal he’d be awarded something due to the severity of what’s wrong with him. I had prepared him for 0s this time and he coped better.
Anyway I appealed the decision and asked for a tribunal. Sent in all the evidence again just to be sure that they had access to everything. Put together a folder of every relevant piece of paperwork to take to court with us. Prepared my husband to go and explain the best he can how much he suffers (up until this point despite requests to be seen in person, this had not happened).
Then, just 3 days before they had to reply about a court date I get a phone call from a random 0800 number. This was a DWP PIP decision maker asking lots of yes and no questions, very polite and friendly! Took me by surprise. Asking if he still had the same bank account etc. Then apologised profusely for putting him through this entire ordeal and said she couldn’t understand what the other decision makers were thinking when he has a “terminal” disease. She offered him high rate for both daily living and mobility which we did not expect at all, given how hard it’s been to get anything up until now. 5 years until the next review which is a long old time for us. We are over the moon. Not all the PIP people are horrible, this lady was an absolute gem.
So basically if you’re in the midst of being rejected for PIP, MR’s, Appeals etc, hang in there! Even someone with a damning terminal illness can score 0. They really do set people up to fail with this benefit. Without me, my husband would have given up at the first set of 0’s he received. Ask for help if you need it, get other agencies involved. Charities are fabulous for writing supporting letters. Your local MP will fight your corner if you ask as well. Thanks everyone for your lovely positive stories over the past 8 months, without knowing that things can change after you get 0’s I probably wouldn’t have persevered either but I’m glad we did. X

I landed an interview at an MNC. It was a F-F interview. This MNC had hired an external agency to screen the candidates first. So all my communication was through this agency. This agency sent me a call letter with the venue, the date and time of the interview. This was a walk-in drive for which I was contacted by the agency to attend.
This MNC has multiple office locations in my city. Let's just assume two locations as A and B.
The call letter clearly mentioned I should be reporting to location A. The evening before the interview day, I got a call from the HR of the MNC asking me if I would be attending the interview. I acknowledged and then she said I should be reporting to location B. I told her in the call letter it's mentioned that I have to report to location A. She took some time and said that she was wrong and that I should be at location A.
I was in my notice period and I had some KT and other formalities to complete as well on the day of the interview. I took permission and went to attend the interview
The next day, I am on my way, just 10 minutes away from the office, I receive a message from the external agency that the venue had been changed to location B. I was so angry. Both these locations are very far my home, and also the distance between these two locations A and B was also like 60 kms.
The external agency apologised and I said it's not their fault and it's all the MNC fault. Then the HR from MNC called me and apologized as well. And asked me to attend the interview at the other location. That's when I completely lost it. Just the day before this person confirmed the venue and now at the last minute it's changed? If I reach that other location, the whole day would be gone and I had only few hours permission.
She didn't listen to any of my words. Then she said there's another drive on another day in my city in location B. I said ok I can attend that.
And then after a few minutes, I receive a call from the agency saying there's no drive on that day in my city, it's actually in another city. This HR was once again wrong about the venue.
Note that while all this happened the external agency person and the HR were besides each other.
The external agency just did their job and the HR had just ruined a great opportunity for me. Now I don't know what to do.
How can I approach to resolve this? Whom should I contact to reschedule the interview? I feel like I lost a good opportunity for me, because of some miscommunication from that HR.
There were a couple other candidates who reported to location A but then was asked to report to location B and they went there.
MNC is one of the WITCH.
TLDR : Was asked to attend an interview at one location. I reached that location but at the last minute they changed it to another location that's almost 60 kms away from the first location.

So the other day my exe texted me for no real reason other than to try and start a conversation to try and get me to feel bad for him and his financial situation, and basically blame me for his financial situation. For context this man makes $2000 a week after taxes have been removed and knows I make half of that a week after taxe. If I were making this kind of money I would be putting $1000 away in savings a week with the bills and rent and debts he pays. But anyway he used a letter arriving which was sent right before I changed addresses and was just rubbish anyway to message me and tangent into to trying to convince me he didn’t steal my money that was for bills and magically wasn’t in the account when the electricity bill arrived. Claiming he contributed “$$$$” this much more than me to the joint account (he knows I cannot verify this) and he doesn’t want me to think bad of him. This man has tried so aggressively to convince me he didn’t cheat or lie or steal but no man who is actually innocent would try this hard to convince you of their innocence. Also the extra money he contributed would make sense since he was the only one taking money from the account to leave it short.
Well I am over all of this, the money thing was a month ago and Im moving on with my life and over dealing with this child. Anyway I told him out right I dont care, and so began his attempts to make me feel guilty for not caring. And me calling him out on his behaviour and attempts to make me feel guilty about something I shouldn’t feel guilty for and dont. He even tried to “forgive” me after I didn’t apologise or ask for it and I flat out rejected it and told him I didn’t do anything wrong so I dont need forgiveness. He was getting so desperate to make me feel bad about something that he finally grasped on some stupid thing I said I would do right after we broke up and I was still attached too him. When I told him I didn’t plan on that anymore because I don’t care and I just want him basically “fk” off completely move on with my life he finally let the conversation end. This man who ended it himself is so sad and pathetic that he is crying victim over his own decisions that he made and how shift his life has turned after he ended it and tried to bring me down with him, and got butthurt when it didn’t work. (Also my aunt and I think from the context of a message a few weeks ago that even though he hasn’t said it out right we think he lost his job 😂, because he called in for like two weeks after He ended things to a job he had only had for 3 weeks)

I am not The OOP, OOP posted from 2 accounts: u/ThrowRA_Elisax & u/WanderingInMyDreams
I (25F) have face blindness, my BF (24M) likes to test me. How do I make it clear this is not okay?
Previous BoRU
Originally posted to relationship_advice & AITAH
Editor's Note: Prosopagnosia, also known as face blindness, is a neurological disorder that makes it difficult to recognize faces and facial expressions
TRIGGER WARNING: emotional abuse, manipulation, sexual assault
Original Post Apr 4, 2024
Hi y’all, sorry for posting this. If it’s not okay, I can delete it.
I’ve been with my bf for almost a year now. I love him dearly, and he loves me too (I’m guessing) but there’s one thing that’s causing a lot of issues for us.
I suffer from prosopagnosia/face blindness, which means it’s really hard for me to recognise people’s faces. I usually go by other characteristics to put a name to a person, like hairstyle/facial hair, marks, skin colours, accessories, etc. But it’s still really tough.
It’s caused me severe anxiety & other mental health struggles.
I’m lucky to have wonderful people around me though, who are aware & try to help. They’ll introduce themselves when we start talking, wear something they know I’ve linked to them, or whatever.
Usually my bf does this too, but sometimes he likes to ‘test’ me & it’s incredibly stressful. He shaved of his beard once, a few times he wore a completely different style of clothing, or changed his hairstyle, all without warning me. In those moments he won’t tell me who he is, or say someone else’s name, just to see if I’ll figure out it’s him. He’ll make jokes saying he’ll try to switch with one of his friends & see if I’ll stay ‘loyal’.
I usually do realise it’s him, but it causes me a lot of anxiety.
We’ve had big fights on this. He says he’s allowed to change his look (‘i’m not a cartoon character’), I ask him to warn me.
Don’t get me wrong. He cares about me, but I don’t think he get’s how stressful it is. How do I make it clear? (We have A LOT of great times together, there’s just this bump.)
Update: It’s hard to imagine I made this post 19 hours ago & now I’m in the middle of breaking up with him. I’m very tired so I’m going to keep this short.
I went to talk to him, showed him this & told him he can’t do it anymore. The conversation was.. a lot. First he was angry I made this post, then he was angry I was taking it all so serious. Lot’s of apologies & so on.
He again said he was just trying to make a tough situation more light, I said it’s too much. He said I can’t take a joke & I need to let him be him. That he always tells me when he’s been joking and if he was really keen on hurting me he’d just do things & not tell me, so him telling proves he cares. (That one got me v uncomfortable.)
At one point he said he just wanted to test if it was real, because I could just be using it as an excuse to do anything. I left after that cause we were just going in circles. There was a lot of me making an issue of ‘one small thing’.
I’m exhausted. He’s still blowing up my phone with love & apologies, but you guys made me realise a lot. Thanks, really. I’m trying to stay rational about it but it’s hard, because I do care about him a lot.
I’m gonna get a few hours of sleep. Thank you again.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
CheapDepth2155

He is messing with your safety does he not realise that?

OOP

I don’t think he realises how confusing it all is. There’s been a moment he did the opposite, acting all weirded out when I thanked him for a nice date, saying it wasn’t him and though I knew it was, I still started to doubt myself. He did say it was a joke soon after but it caused such a panic. He hasn’t done it again but it took me a long time to feel comfortable again.

shitmykidsays

Making someone feel unsafe is not a joke. Gaslighting someone you care about is not a joke.

~
blueavole

Holy smikes that’s terrifying.
Not to recognize a familiar face with a major change like that. - that is like nightmare fuel.
That your bf does it to you, multiple times on purpose is scary.
I don’t know if there is a way you can explain it to him if he doesn’t get it. It seems he enjoy your panic. Which is not a good thing in a partner.
If this was my partner I would get a tattoo or something. And I don’t have any.

OOP

My dad actually got a tattoo on his arm for me, which is a great comfort.
I hadn’t realised how messed up everything is, until reading all these replies.

~
LegitimateDebate5014

Your boyfriend is basically abusing you in emotional situations. He thinks it’s hilarious you struggle and get severe anxiety which isn’t normal, nor does it mean he cares about you. This is a huge red flag

OOP

Abuse is a really big word, but I do agree it’s not okay. I’m seeing him soon, we’ll see how it goes.

Update Apr 8, 2024
Hi y’all. Hope it’s okay I post a little update. Things went bat-shit crazy.
A lot has happened in the last days.
I’m really grateful to you all, honestly. I wasn’t aware about the real meaning of his ‘pranks’ and what it said about him & our relationship.
I went to talk to him the same evening I made that post, with the intention of making clear he can’t pull all that anymore.
The conversation ESCALATED.
We talked for hours into the night & every day since. There’s been a lot of messages.
He got angry about the redditpost I made (I showed him), angry at you guys, angry that I couldn’t take a joke & listened to strangers.
Said things like he in the beginning didn’t believe I actually suffered from it, and would use it as an excuse to cheat on him. That now he does believe, but - due to bad break-ups in the past - he has a hard time trusting I won’t use it as an excuse regardless.
Said he was joking about it because he wanted to make a tough situation lighter & that’s just his sense of humour. That if I loved him, I’d accept that.
When I made it clear I was done, it got even worse. He began apologising a lot. Said he didn’t realise it was such a big thing for me (again, didn’t make any sense with all said before.)
In the same breath he said that he at least told me. (To the people who thought he actually had planned to trick me by using one of his friends, I think y’all may be very right.)
To be honest I was done. I do care about him a lot (can’t just shut that off), but it’s never going to work.
There’s been many many messages/calls/etc.
He dropped some vague hints that sometimes he pulled ‘pranks’ I wasn’t aware of. I don’t know if that is true, or he’s just in a bad place right now.
He also came to my place to apologise again. But I suspect he didn’t expect I’d immediately recognise him, as he didn’t apologise till I said his name.
He’s not evil, but just very messed up rn.
I blocked him everywhere, told him not to show up anymore & that a friend would give him his stuff.
I’m going to delete this account soon but, I wanted to thank you guys for helping me realise it. I genuinely don’t think I would have. I’m heartbroken, but a bit relieved as well. Thanks for all the support & kindness.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
trippyhippy

I'm glad you broke up! Someone who loves you shouldn't ever do that to you.
Just curious about your condition. Do you also have issues with recognizing voices as well as faces? I can only imagine how hard it must be to deal with.

OOP

Actually voices are one of the traits I go by to recognise someone! Voices, posture, tattoos, hairstyle, and so on.
Thank you loads.

NEW UPDATES

AITAH for not giving my ex the closure he’s asking for because he messed with my face blindness? Apr 21, 2024
This is probably a bit stupid but that boy has got me questioning my own mind. Either way, sorry if this is a bother.
I broke up with my bf a few weeks ago. I had realised - in part thanks to Reddit - that some of his behaviour was absolutely not okay & when I tried to talk to him, the conversation escalated to me breaking up with him.
I have a pretty severe case of face blindness/prosopagnosia. It means I can’t recognise/remember people’s faces & go by other characteristics to try & put a name to someone. (Voice, (hair)style, posture, etc.) People around me know & introduce themselves when we meet & other things to make it easier. (I have a lot of anxiety because of it.)
He used to try & test me, which gave me a lot of stress. Changed up his look without warning to see if I knew it was him, and a lot more. He called it pranks. (He is a jokester.)
So, we broke up. It’s been a lot. He’d been calling/messaging non-stop with both apologies & non-apologies, ‘till I blocked him.
In moments of a lot of emotion I said things like I never wanted to see him again, and he’d reply that he was hurt, that I wouldn’t even know if it was him & I was lucky he wouldn’t do it.
Made me feel icky.
He’s contacted me again yesterday - through a new account - saying he just wants one more face-to-face conversation, if only to give him his stuff that is still at my place & get some closure so we can both move on.
I said my plan was to get a mutual friend to bring it over to him. He was hurt.
He did seem a lot more calm than before & told me we were together for a year, he just wanted one conversation after I suddenly broke things off. That he had some time to process now, etc & that he doesn’t understand how he suddenly - after a year of loving each other - became so evil I couldn’t have one chat with him.
But I don’t feel good about it. My gut’s telling me this will not be a good conversation, my worst fears are telling me he might play a trick to prove some point.
WIBTA if I don’t reply anymore/just say no?
Edit: I didn’t expect all these replies. I hope it’s okay I respond like this. Thank you all, really. I think I knew already but somehow started to doubt myself. (The past weeks have been a lot.) I really appreciate & needed these words.
I’m ready for all of this to be over & done with.
Also just a little thank you in general. Reddit’s been a wonderful community & it’s helped me a lot.
Update: AITAH for not giving my ex the closure he’s asking for because he messed with my face blindness? May 11, 2024
EDITORS NOTE: Changed initials to names for easier reading
Here’s my previous post, for who’s interested. (And before.
Hi!
It’s been a wee bit, and since I’m still getting messages about this, I thought I’d just give one big update for this.
So more than a month ago I broke up with my BF because he kept pulling ‘pranks’ involving my face blindness. (I can’t recognise faces & am dependent on other aspects to recognise someone, and even then it’s still confusing.)
After that he’d been bugging me that he wanted to meet up, so we could get some closure. My gut was telling me not to, but I felt guilty.
With you guys’ advice (& my own gut feeling) in mind, I decided not to go. I asked a friend, Roger, to go bring him his stuff & kept him blocked - including blocking the new accounts he’d made.
Roger came back with a letter from him, to me. The letter in itself was v apologetic. He even said he was grateful for our time together & took full responsibility. It ended with him saying he’d respect it if I chose not to reply or message. Honestly, a lot of very respectful words.
I still decided not to get in touch. (Still trying to get over the break-up myself.) But I did appreciate it, till I found out he wasn’t letting go like he said.
Roger & some other mutual friends let me know he was asking them about me A LOT, if I had read the letter, if I was seeing someone else (already?!), and so on.
Couple of days ago he showed up at my place. He was clearly not sober & v upset. He just seemed so broken, so I - stupidly - let him in.
For a while he was just being miserably nice, while I got him water & stuff. But the more sober, the more angry he got.
At that point I messaged basically everyone I knew to come. I didn’t think he’d hurt me, but I didn’t feel comfortable being alone with him regardless.
Among the many accusations of me not even having the decency to reply, that I clearly never cared about him & that I was a horrendous person, he told me ‘I cheated on him & didn’t even know it’ so how could I blame him for not trusting me?
I’m not gonna lie, I was trying to stay calm but failed. (And I know I should have not lost my cool.) I screamed at him, asked him what he was talking about.
Apparently on a night out with him & others, he asked his friend Mike (who knows of my face blindness & has similar characteristics as my ex, part from a v different voice & smell) to ‘swap’ out with him, and kissed me. And I didn’t know.
I don’t know if he’s lying or not. But knowing I was drinking & in a crowded, loud room, I know it’s a possibility. Especially since Mike tried to kiss me another time, though then I immediately realised it was him & lost my shit at him. (When I told my then bf, he was more angry than I had ever seen him, so idk if that time was a ‘plan’ as well or not. Either way Mike is a disgusting human.)
I know it’s ‘just’ a kiss, but it did make me feel sick to my stomach just thinking about how they might have played me.
I told him to get out, he didn’t. Luckily it didn’t take long for some people to arrive & get him out. I’m endlessly grateful for the people I have around me.
I’m staying at my parents’ place now, took a break from work & am looking into therapy. My mom & dad (who got a tattoo years ago just so I would never doubt it’s him) are treating me like a princess & reminding me of the kindness people deserve.
Haven’t looked into a restraining order, but might if it continues.
Thanks to you all for helping me see what’s right in this situation. Reddit has been a wonderful community I am very grateful for. I probably won’t update anymore, as this is over & done with. But I’m glad I got to pour my heart out to y’all.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

**Edit: I don't know why some sections were deleted between my draft and the original final post, especially from the third video, so I've added those sections back in.
Hi everyone,
Here's the summary/outline for the first half of Day 2 of Safe House! I'm sorry it got so long; it's partially because today was actually a full day as opposed to the first day which was only a half day, and also because a lot more interesting activities and conversations happened today, so I wanted to try to translate and transcribe some of them for you all. I hope this is is helpful!
Video 1 Link: https://www.youtube.com/live/C13r3ScN0L4?feature=shared

• Luke is the first one up and about. At around 9:30, he apologises for the lull and says that "the kids" should hopefully be up and about soon.
• 11:45 Neo reads a letter saying that the losing team from yesterday's game has to prepare breakfast for the whole house within 15 minutes.
• 13:00 Luke reassures the audience that he's not by himself because he feels isolated from the rest of the guys or anything; he just wanted to wake up early to exercise, and now he's doing some light reading while waiting for "the kids" to wake up and get ready
• 15:00 The cooking team enter the kitchen and start planning what to cook. There's no rice ready in the rice cooker, so they'll serve bread/toast as the carbohydrate. They want to make eggs, so they decide to make scrambled eggs because of the time restriction. They also decide to make sausages and bacon
• 22:00 Neo and Mix make toast and make another wordplay joke (verbs related to preparing food that rhyme or sound similar, basically. Kind of translates to "cook (usually as it pertains to grains), warm up, stew, boil, and steam")
• 24:00 Luke tries to explain the difference between scrambled eggs and a similar preparation of soft omelette in Thai cuisine
• 28:00 Pond and Neo go to wake up Earth, Gun, and Khaotung with some musical style. They're basically singing to stop being lazy and go downstairs to eat. It's taking longer than 15 minutes to prepare the food, but it's fine.
• 32:00 Gun and Khaotung slightly sarcastically thank the sponsors for the opportunity to sleep as comfortably as they did and then to be awoken by the sight and sound of Neo
• 38:00 Mix makes fried eggs
• 41:00 They start to sit down to eat. There's no jam or any typical spreads for the toast, so they'll have it plain today. Luke starts eating the salad leaves, not knowing that they haven't been washed yet. Neo tries to get people to compliment the toast because it was his contribution to the meal preparation.
• 50:45 PD greets everyone and asks Neo to collect a box containing the next mission from the front door. At 55:00, Neo reads the cards which says that from today, they will do a short challenge each morning which will determine the "King of the Day," which comes with a photo-op and some small perks when it comes to the rest of the games and activities that day.
  • The challenge today is to produce the loudest chicken noises they can, first in pairs, and then the winning pair will compete between them to determine the King of the Day. They pair up randomly by doing the hand game (sorry; I don't' know how to call the game in English, but basically, you choose whether to show your hand with the palm facing up or down. It's like rock/papescissors, but usually used as a first round when there are more than 2 people to choose between. When playing, the players call out "noi aok," which means that the minority hand position goes out)
  • 1:12:00 King of the Day photo-op

Video 2 Link: https://www.youtube.com/live/NEbQ_IZiQTQ?feature=shared

• Gun takes the viewers on a guided tour of the house. We start at the pool, where Neo, Luke, and Khaotung improvise a song on the spot. They name the song "We Love You."

Video 3 Link: https://www.youtube.com/live/UsQj1v25xv4?feature=shared

• 4:00 They print out and frame the photos they took yesterday (product plug for Canon)
• 8:30 Earth and Mix make coffee (sponsored by Super Coffee). Includes product endorsement, and a reference to the fact that this brand also sponsored Tale of Thousand Stars. They try to recite the lines from that scene. They also plug that the company are doing a sort of lottery promotion where if you save and mail in the empty sachets, you can be entered for several prizes. They privately plan to make as much coffee for the rest of the house as possible during this week so they can collect have as many sachets as possible. At 14:30, Earth misunderstood that it was a private plan, so he tells everyone else to help collect the sachets, and Mix tries to stop him.
• 16:30 PD announces the next competitive game. King of the day gets a wastebasket full of random items, and PD instructs him to assign each item to one person and to make up a good reason why he's assigning them thusly.
  • Egg carton: for Phuwin because he likes to cook eggs (Luke makes a pronunciation error while saying "egg" (khai) to make it sound like Phuwin makes food that is ill with a cold (khai with a different tone), and they joke about it. Neo builds on the joke and asks "Makes food with whom? (who=krai->khai in colloquial Thai, which is yet another tone from the previous two)
  • GMMTV Yearbook: for Gun because he's the eldest. He wants him to look at the photos and remember everyone
  • Electric mosquito swatter: for Earth because he recently mentioned that he wanted to hit Neo
  • Flip flops: for Neo because his feet look a bit dirty (Luke also learns the Thai term for them)
  • Leaf/branch from a fake plant: for Mix because he wants him to plant it. It's a silly reason, so he adds some fluff to say that he hopes that Mix stays alive and well as long as the fake plant that he plants
  • Shirt: for Pond because Luke wants him to wear it to go exercise with him tomorrow
  • Wok spatula: Luke doesn't know what it is or its purpose at first, so they guys explain that it's used to make food. He decides to assign it to Khaotung because the "Khao" in his name is the same "khao" used in one of the Thai words for "food."
  • Wastebasket for Luke because it's the last thing left, and he can use it for basketball
• 21:00 Everyone wonders what the items are for. Gun guesses that maybe they're supposed to literally do what Luke told them to do when he assigned the items. He immediately hopes that's not the case because it's unmanageable to memorise everyone's name/face from the yearbook. Mix says that his task is even more impossible because Luke wants him to plant the fake branch and watch it grow. PD tells them to bring their items to the Play Zone.
• 38:30 PD invites everyone to the kitchen to collect their lunch. Menu is a choice of fried rice or (they think) yellow curry with rice. Neo asks everyone for donations of cucumber because he loves cucumber (he mentioned this at the first meal last night)
  • 53:45 PD announces (and startles the guys) that the winners of the last game will get dessert, and it can now be collected from the front door. It's doughnuts. The guys who lost are a bit sad about the doughnuts, but the winners offer to share with them
• 1:01:00 Relaxing time
  • 1:03:00: There are some internet problems, so Phuwin is investigating. Luke compliments him, and Gun asks Luke to continue filling the silence, so he thinks of more compliments for the guys
    • 03:30 Mix: "Luke likes to compliment people. Do you know what Luke said to me this morning? 'Mix, do you know that you're a very cute person?'"
    • 1:04:10 Pond asks Luke to "review" everyone. Luke says that Pond is also cute in many ways. Luke mouths something rude to the guys, and Gun censors with the blanket. Pond says, "How do you know?!"
    • 1:05:00 Gun asks for his review, out of things Luke can say out loud. Luke says "You're so cute. You can buy your face," which is an awkward attempt of a translation to say that basically Gun's beauty is #1 among everyone, including females. Luke then turns to apologise to the females watching.
    • 1:06:15 Pond asks Luke to continue his review of him. Gun is on censoring/blanket duty. [note: There are many different levels of formality in Thai, and sometimes the divisions between the levels can get a little blurred. For example, there are some things that you can say in normal life with friends that aren't necessarily rude, but wouldn't be polite to say in "polite company" such as speaking on a public, uncensored, daytime family show like this. It's completely normal for non-native speakers to make mistakes when understanding the intricacies and switching gracefully between them, which is why Gun is on censoring/blanket duty] Luke says that Pond is dedicated when it comes to learning new things, and he is a very positive-minded person because he sees that even though Pond's medals are low, he can still see that Pond has determination to fight.
    • 1:06:55 Luke tells Phuwin that he already complimented him earlier for his intelligence and his tech skills. Luke thinks that Phuwin might win this show, but Luke won't let him win. Phuwin says, "I also won't lose to you easily. Everyone here has qualities that other people wish they had."
    • 1:07:20 Mix: "Yes. For example, I apparently have a large bottom... And a sweet face too, I guess."
  • 1:08:40 Luke reads aloud from a random page from the book that Pond gave him for his birthday yesterday. He can read it well, but he doesn't quite understand it, so the guys explain to him what's happening
  • 1:14:40 Earth, Neo, and Khaotung in the coffee bar area. Earth asks Neo, "Have you always been like this since you were born?" (referring to how he talks a lot, is witty, energetic, the life of the party, etc.) Neo replies, "No, I was a cute kid at one point. My mother says that I was cute until I could talk."
  • 1:16:30 Mix joins them in the coffee bar area. They decide they want to play a prank on someone. Neo says they can easily prank Pond/Phuwin/Gun/Luke because they're all his "brothers."
    • 1:17:30 Phuwin joins the prank planning. They consider pranking Gun by throwing him in the pool, but they immediately reconsider because they're afraid that the outfit/accessories he's wearing today are super expensive. Neo jokes that if he himself were to get pushed in the pool right now, the only expense they would have to worry about is his mic pack.
    • 1:18:15 They suggest pranking Pond. They consider different potential pranks until the idea of a ghost prank comes up. Khaotung does a ghost movement he once saw, and Mix likes it. They recruit Neo to rehearse the movement with them until Earth says that they're reharsing so loudly that everyone in the living room has probably already heard them.
    • 1:19:40 Neo revisits the idea of throwing Gun in the pool since he's leaving the house soon, but everyone is still concerned about the cost of everything he's wearing. Phuwin says, "If you really want to, we can do it, but you (Neo) must take responsibility for compensations."
    • 1:20:25 They consider who might have the funniest reaction to a prank. Khaotung still wants to do the ghost thing, and Mix and Neo agree. They decide that they'll do some more rehearsals before pranking the people in the living room. They drag Phuwin into practicing with them. They want Earth to go too, but he refuses.
• 1:37:00 PD announces that all the guys were previously instructed to bring one item of sentimental value with them to the house, and now is the time to bring those items to the larger bedroom to present them
  • 1:41:30 Gun: a blanket he's had since childhood. There used to be a pillow too, but it got damaged over the years, and eventually it got lost in a river (at a riverside restaurant). He likes to smell it and touch it for comfort.
  • 1:42:45 Earth: a thing to hold his hair back when he's at leisure because if his hair is on his forehead too much, he'll get acne. Neo makes a wordplay joke: "You know, if you get acne easily, you should eat breakfast so you don't get hungry in the late morning." [if you take the first consonants of the words in the phrase "hungry in the late morning" and switch them between the different words, the phrase becomes "acne will heal."] Luke doesn't get it. The guys have understood by now that if Luke understands at least half of a joke, he'll laugh even if he doesn't understand it fully.
  • 1:43:30 Neo: a guitar his elder sister bought for him. He says that it's the only thing this sister ever bought for him. [again with the levels of formality; Neo used a word to refer to his sister that isn't exactly rude, but it's not polite, and it implies that he's bitter at her, etc. Mix tries to help by saying, "Oh, you mean your elder sister whom you love?" Luke tries to help by saying, "It's nice that you love your sister." Neo replies, "I love the guitar."]
  • 1:44:20 Mix: a container with some fur from his cat. He keeps the fur that comes off when he brushes his cat so he can bring it with him when he goes places where he can't bring his cat. Mix's cat is female, but there's some disagreement in the room whether the cat's name is male or female.
  • 1:44:55 Phuwin: he doesn't get sentimentally attached to that many things, but he likes IT stuff, so he's presenting his Notebook. When he bought it, he wanted it to be functional and "cool" and wanted specs and characteristics that were similar to an iPad but not an iPad.
  • 1:46:30 Pond: a stuffed bear. He has always had things to hold when he sleeps. He typically uses one plushie until it's damaged beyond repair, and then he changes to another one. This is his current one. Gun asks if the bear used to be puffier and got flatter as Pond hugged it over time, and Pond says yes.
  • 1:47:30 Khaotung: a guitar. There's some "beef" between him and Neo because they both brought guitars. Khaotung bought this guitar himself. He also brought a portable speaker with him.
  • 1:48:35 Luke: A basketball and some boxing gloves. He's a person who likes those activities and exercising in general. The guys request a tutorial/demonstration. Neo and Mix end up thumb wrestling (1:51:50). They say that the loser needs to wash dishes after next meal. Neo loses and looks to Khaotung for support since he's been washing a lot of dishes since arriving.
• 1:54:00 Relaxing time. They suggest playing a typical Thai game; the name roughly translates to "live fish, dead fish." It's a game that involves moving and freezing. (The person who's "it" is blindfolded and has to order all the other players to move (live) and freeze (die). In the frozen periods, the blindfolded person moves around needs to find and and successfully identify each of the other players just by touch. This game can be played on the ground or in the water.)

Video 4 Link: https://www.youtube.com/live/Op_kJG20Jag?feature=shared

• Gun and Luke feel like eating something, so they round everyone up to go eat some som tam (green papaya salad) by the side of the pool.

So, a few people online said they wouldn't totally hate the idea of some kind of continuation to a certain storyline, and...hey! Sometimes, that's all the encouragement your friendly subreddit scriptwriter needs!
This is an unofficial sequel to another script. It makes sense as a part 2, but also works as a standalone audio. It's up to you what you choose.
Script length: About 1.5K words
As always, monetization, making minor edits to the script and genderflipping it are all okay. The sound effects are optional. If you have any questions, my chat is always open! Feedback and cat pictures are welcome and appreciated!
Now, then....
For the listener:
Your stupidly attractive bully invited you to a party last night, but sensing some kind of devious trap, you bailed. Frustrated, she got really drunk and sent you a voicemail where she confessed her feelings for you. And now, things are awkward. Some kind of invisible divide seems to have taken shape between the two of you. She thinks you’ve been avoiding her all day. When you finally meet her afterschool, she seems upset. You really don’t know what you did, but it’s time…
...
SCRIPT:
(Rain SFX)
(Softly) Nerd? Is that you?
Well, took you long enough. Were you flirting with every girl along the way or something?
Uh huh. Normally I’d say you don’t have anywhere near enough skill points for something like that, but I-I can’t tell anymore. You seemed awfully intimate with that girl this morning. Who is she?
Why are you quiet? I asked you a question.
So now you’re going to ignore me when I’m standing right in front of you? Who is she, nerd?
What, so you....have a girlfriend now? Is that it?
She’s not your girlfriend? Okay.
Okay, yeah. I totally believe you. It’s not like you were talking with her for 20 minutes straight before class started or anything.
Oh, so she’s your cousin now? Really?
Well, then one of you has to be adopted, nerd, because I see no family resemblance whatsoever!
Don’t change the subject. You stood me up at the party last night and you’re fifteen minutes late. I deserve answers.
Why am I acting this way? Gee, I don’t know. You’re supposed to be the smart one here. Tell me. Why. Do. You. Think?
(Whispers) Jealous? You’re going to accuse me of being jealous?
Why, I- you get one terribly drunk confession over voice mail and that makes you forget all about what a loser you are? Do you need a reminder of who I am? Of what I can do to you? Of what I have been doing to you since the beginning of middle school?
You think you’re so brave because you’ve grown a backbone overnight and you now have a girlfriend?
Cousin. Right. Seems awfully convenient for your ‘cousin’ to suddenly transfer schools at this freaking point in time.
Oh, your personal life IS my business. How dare you tell me what to do?
(Slamming him into a locker)
How dare you? How dare you....try....to fight back? You don’t get to tell me what to do. You don’t get to tell me to back off. You don’t get to accuse me of being jealous because- (voice turning to a pained whisper) because you’re mine.
(Faintly) You were supposed to be mine.
(A longer pause. It continues to rain.)
Maybe I am jealous. I am jealous of that girl, and....and all those other girls in our class. How you talk to them so easily and how you smile at them. How come you never smile at me like that, nerd?
Why would you? I’m just your bully. The girl who’s been slamming you into lockers and forcing you to do her homework. Being....mean to you. Even though you don’t deserve it. Any of it.
You....You deserve the world. You deserve someone who’s nice to you. Kind to you. You deserve....better than me.
Why are you apologising, huh? And here I thought you’d toughened up a little. You’re not the one who should be saying sorry.
I never meant to hurt you, you know? I was just having fun. I wanted your attention. I didn’t care if it was good or bad attention. I don’t have the nicest life at home. My parents used to fight all the time before they decided to separate and I...I just thought I could endure the yelling when I got back if you were with me. Everything would be just alright if you were with me.
I don’t know what it is about you, nerd. You....confuse me. You’re so frustrating (sighing).
I kept all these feelings bottled up inside me for the longest time. But last night, I just couldn’t help it. I was really drunk- absolutely hammered! And so I-I sent you that voicemail.
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to turn your entire world upside down. I don’t blame you for avoiding me all day.
What?
Of course you’ve been avoiding me. You wouldn’t meet my gaze during any of the classes, and I couldn’t find you in the hallways. It’s okay, you don’t have to make up excuses. I already said I don’t blame you.
You were just busy?
Nerd, why- why do you even try, huh? Do you not know you absolutely suck at lying? And I shouldn’t find that as adorable as I do but you- you suck, alright? Yeah, you suck.
Why are you blushing all of a sudden? What is it?
Look, I’ve always suspected that you secretly enjoy it when I’m being mean to you, but now’s really not the time for-
I’m sorry?
You wanted this to be....special?
Um, nerd? I’m lost. You lost me. Whatever do you mean?
(A longer pause)
So you felt you couldn’t tell me properly during the day, with everyone listening in? That’s why you asked me to meet you here after school.
But what difference does that make? It wouldn’t have taken long. Your answer was always going to be no. Your answer is no. Right?
Right?
Nerd? You’re...you’re kind of weirding me out here. Are you alright?
(Softly) No. Don’t do this.
Don’t. I get it if you want revenge on me for all I’ve put you through, but please don’t do it this way. Seeing you with that girl was bad enough. I’m not sure I can take this.
You....like me? Like, like like me? But....how?! I can’t believe this.
You have a crush on me? On me? Your bully?
Are you being serious right now? If this is a prank, nerd, I swear to God I’ll whip your ass so hard you won’t be able to sit for a week!
You are being serious, aren’t you?
(Softly) Why did you never say anything?
You were afraid I wouldn’t feel the same way?
Yeah. I-I want to punch you for being so silly but I can’t. I was doing the same thing myself for so long, wasn’t I?
What is that? What are you taking out of your bag?
Hey, this is....this is a copy of The Merchant of Venice! You tutored me on this because I was struggling with the text. And these scratches and doodles on the cover- oh gosh, this is my copy of the play! I thought I lost it after the exam, but then why do you have it with you?
Yeah. I did write that little letter on the last page thanking you for all your help. With the, um, glittery little hearts and all. It nearly killed me to put all that stuff down on paper, you know?
But that was over two years ago. You can’t have- nerd, you’re not telling me that you’ve kept it with you all this time.
So that’s why you were late. You ran back home to get it. You wanted to....to return this to me on the day you finally mustered up the courage to confess?
You utter doofus! I felt like reading that play again, you know? You owe me. Big time.
Come here.
(‘Aight. This is where the two of them share several kisses. Seeing them kiss makes me happy.
No, it’s not weird.)
(Panting) This isn’t a dream, right? I did wake up after getting absolutely wasted last night. Right?
Kiss me again, loser.
(More kissing)
Why didn’t I (kiss) do this earlier? Could’ve (kiss) shoved you inside a locker, or a closet any time and (kiss) had my way with you. (Kiss)
(panting) Yeah, I think we should (panting) stop for a while (giggling happily). That was....wow.
Where did you even learn how to kiss? Wait. It’s the girl from earlier, isn’t it?
Yeah, I heard you the first time, dweeb. She’s your ‘cousin’. Sure. I’ll believe it when you show me her birth certificate.
Why are you laughing? Did I say something funny?
Yeah, I am being serious. You better bring her birth certificate tomorrow or I’ll....hmmm. I think I’ll let you ponder over the consequences.
Oh, you thought I was bad enough as your bully? Just you wait....babe.
Now that I’m your girlfriend, you’ll find out how much I was actually holding myself back all this time. You’re mine now, so....watch out (giggling).
Awww, babe, don’t look so worried! I’m sure you’ll be fiiiine. (Just a little too quickly) As long as you listen to me. Of course.
What is it? Why are you looking at me all funny? I mean I don’t mind you gawking or anything, but-
Say that again?
(Softly) You think I’m the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?
Eeeeew! You’re such a perv! Aargh! (Bursts into a fit of giggles)
Hey now, don’t storm off by yourself! It’s still raining!
Nerrrrd! Wait up.
Because I’m carrying an umbrella, silly. I don’t want my boy toy to catch a cold.
Walk me home?
Yay! (Pecking him on the cheek) Good boy.
Oooh, you seem to really like that! What’s the matter, babe? Do you feel all mushy inside when I call you a good boy?
(Sighing contentedly) You’re precious, you know that?
Don’t worry. I’ll make sure to reward you when you’re being good for me. And I...I won’t be mean to you from now on, okay? Not unless you ask for it.
No need to get embarrassed. I love you. Every bit of you. Now snuggle up a little closer. You’re getting drenched.
Good boy.
(A longer pause)
So....how about we do something together this weekend? You know, to celebrate?
(Coyly) Like what? Oh, I don’t know.
How about a date?....Will you go out with me?
(Rain SFX fades out)

Summary: the king has summoned you to the court- but it’s not for what you think. And after you do the task, you try to confess something to him.
Check out my other scripts here, and how to support me here! Scriptbin link here
Terms of Use
This script is opened to be monetized and used, all I ask is that credit is given in your video description. If you choose to fill this script, comment a link to your recording on the reddit post. Making small changes to the script and to the gender of the speakelistener is okay. Changing the title is okay- in fact encouraged- I’m just like cinematic titles.
Plain text for speaking.
(tone suggestions)
[SFX and description]
[SFX: Door knocking]
Come on in!
[SFX: door opening]
Ah, I see you received my message. How nice of you to appear on time, although I wouldn’t expect anything less. You always were punctual. Now, come on, closer now. You won’t be able to hear me properly from all the way over there.
[Small Pause]
It is so nice to see your lovely face after all this time. I know you are busy cleaning the castle so we only see each other in passing, but it nice to get a good look at you and talk face to face, it beats pretending now to know each other in the halls or in front of the other nobles.
How has work been treating you? Not too busy, I hope? If anyone is going out of their way to purposefully make a mess for you, do not hesitate to inform me, and I will deal with them swiftly and quietly. They won’t even know it was you who informed me-
[Small pause]
Very well, you do like to deal with things in your own way, and who am I to judge you on that. Afterall, I do the same thing. Though I suppose that is because I am king and no one would dare oppose me - apart from you. I know I can rely on you to keep me in check.
Speaking of which- I have the most important task for you. Now, feel free to turn it down, as I know it is a rather big thing for me to ask of you, but I am not sure who else to turn to. If I do not ask first, someone may come for my crown so they can pursue this devious plans I fear are at hand.
My court cannot know this is happening, nor can they ever find out. This is of the utmost secrecy, do you hear me?
[Small Pause]
Well, it is partially due to the fact that I suspect if I question them, they will all cover for each other, or blatantly lie to cover their own backside. Or they will alert the rest of the people in close quarters and everyone will suddenly be on their best behaviour.
That won’t do. I need someone who they will not suspect, someone they don’t pay attention to when they enter a room or stop in the halls. I need-
[Very short pause]
Yes , getting to the point. I need you to eavesdrop on conversations, and find the people in the court that don’t have the kingdom's best interest at heart. Those pushing ideas that sound like they are for the good of the kingdom, but will actually only benefit themselves in the long run.
They will be on high alert if I say something publicly, or send actual investigators to follow them around for a short period of time, hence why I am turning to you.
You have been my close friend and loyal companion for quite some time now. You’ve always been there when I’ve needed you, done almost anything I’ve asked of, and helped keep me in check during my rule as king.
And now, I turn to you in my time of need, again. I need you to try to eavesdrop on their conversations, maybe with their advisors, or just other members of the court they trust.
[Small Pause]
Exactly! No one notices the maids unless they want something, so you’re perfect for the job. When you enter a room, no one pays attention. You’re just a breeze passing by. I mean, a very beautiful breeze, but to them you are not noticeable.
You can sneak up behind them and they won’t even notice- they’ll just presume you’re there to clean or fetch them drinks. You can listen to every single word and they won’t care. Then, after you figure out who is
I know I’m asking for alot here- but I need to make sure the people in my court are doing what is best for the people of my kingdom. If you succeed, I’ll grant you a reward- anything you wish within reason. And of course a pay increase. So, can you do it?
[Small Pause]
Oh thank you! Now, don’t get into trouble, and if anyone threatens or tries to hurt you, just run back to be and I’ll bring back public executions.
[Very short pause]
I kid, I joke, don’t worry. But if anyone does try to do something, just tell me and I’ll take care of it for you, without using my status as king for evil. We’ll meet again in secret, this time tomorrow.
[Short pause]
Well there’s a meeting tomorrow, and I need to know before them- but its in the afternoon, so we can meet just before I have a late lunch. I’ll drop hints to the staff that I want you to clean my room since you always do such a good job at doing it.
Sound good?
[Very short pause]
I’ll await for you in my quarters tomorrow then.
[TIME SKIP]
[SFX: doorknocking]
(eating) Oh, you’re finally here. Took you long enough- I apologise, I waited as long as I could but I simply couldn’t bare to watch the food get colder- at least my one. I asked for the cooks to prepare a bigger portion so I could give you some too, but it might be a little cold by now.
I can still plate it up if you’re hungry, ask the cook to throw it over the oven again to reheat it for you, but I think most of the staff have gone home now. I didn’t want them to walk home before sunset, so I said they could go home early if they wished to. But to be fair, who wouldn’t want to go home early?
[Small Pause]
Very well, but there are some little cakes if you want them. I cannot eat them right now, but I fear to tell the chef, I don’t want to hurt her feelings- or face her wrath. I sent her a half eaten plate once as a young boy, she refused to let me return it and made me finish it in front off her.
[Very small pause]
Yes right, what have you learnt?
[Pause]
I see… I guess I should of expected that. They’ve been slowly sneaking their guards into our kingdom, and they have been rather vocal about their kingdoms needs- or should I say wants.
I should have seen it earlier. How could I be so blind?!
[short pause]
I apologise. I shouldn’t have raised my voice. It’s been… a lot. Lately. But I shouldn’t take that out on you.
[Speaker takes a deep breath]
I’ll make a meeting with them tomorrow. I’ll have to call in extra guards to make sure they don’t try any tricks- gods above, how am I going to find a replacement for them on such short notice.
I think I have some cousins I can trust? Father didn’t tell me much before he passed on, and left the throne to me.
My quiet evening just turned into a night of nothing but paper work and late night letter writing to allies to alert them what’s supposedly going on. Of course I’ll have to gather more proof- I believe what you say, but the other members of the court won’t.
[Small Pause]
I- what???
You-
What???
I can’t make you- no, aha, no. this is one of your funny jokes, right? Look at you, trying to cheer me up whilst I’m at my lowest. You’re such a good friend.
[Small Pause]
What do you mean- you’re not? Not joking? Seriously?
I - (deep breath)
No.
[Short Pause]
I just - you’re a good friend, my go to, but I don’t feel like that towards you. Besides, you are a commoner, and I am a king- if we were to fall in love, which again, you’re my friend and nothing more, it would still be impossible!
[Short Pause]
Oh gods no please don’t- please forgive me, my friend, but this- what you hoped would have happened after helping me and confession, is not happening.
I am sure that you had your hopes up- and I am grateful for your service.
You are excused now.
[Pause- before cutting the listener off]
You, are excused. Please leave before I have to call the guards.
….
I said LEAVE. Before I have you escorted out and terminated from your position.
[SFX: listener leaving, door slamming shut behind them.]

Context : So we both work in the same company and have been dating close to 2 years. Like every employee we do take breaks after working for sometime and go to have some snacks/tea outside our office campus. So like any other day,we planned to take a break, but before that I needed to go to washroom. So another guy came out of washroom along with me and went to speak to my gf who was waiting at a distance. I was waiting for her and didnot join them as I thought that the chat should be over in few seconds. However they continued to talk and even kind of started moving in the opposite direction a bit. I was standing there like a kid who has been punished and later I realised that it was almost 5min or more that they have been talking so I went out by myself as my time was not being respected. She joined me later and apologised, we had a few fights but got over it. Ohh yess and the guy texted her in teams few days later and she asked him if he was in the office or not Later she explained me that it looks rude not to reply to someone in office so that was her formality to him and assured me that she never met him.
Later I didnot see them communicating . This entire incident is of last year.
Fast forward to this year. Yesterday my gf got offer from another company but there was something confusing in her offer letter so me and another frnd asked her to show her offer letter to sort the confusion out.
As she opened her personal mail in phone I see that the guy had texted her in the most famous app for job posting ( u know it right !!)
So I clicked on that mail and immediately she snatched her phone and locked her screen.
I asked her what they were chatting and she told that the guy had sent her a connection request yesterday but I knew he was in her list since last year.
Anyway I wanted to check her chats,she sent me a screenshot in my phone where the guy was asking if I was her bf and how r things in his old company (our present company).
But I wanted to check the chat myself so I tried to snatch away once more but she wont let me do it,later she told me that she blocked the guy.
But I told her that I was breaking up with her as there is no trust right now.
Then she confessed that the guy had got a job in another company and texted her yesterday and she wanted him to refer her as its in big 4.She thought I would get offended as she was asking for refferal from someone I didnot like, so she didnot want me to see the chat.
But as she didnot let me see it myself I am still in doubt. And even if she is right I can never believe her cz no proof exists now.
Can you guys/girls can share your valuable suggestions with me like whether I am correct or not in whatever I did. Thanks !!
Edit : She did let me see her phone after blocking the guy.I guess that deletes the chats too.

I had such a shitty experience at Clicks Cape Quarter when trying to collect my medication. See my letter of complaint below:
I am writing to express my deep dissatisfaction with the service I received at your Clicks Cape Quarter regarding my chronic medication. I have always relied on receiving an SMS each month to notify me when my medication is ready for collection. This month, however, I did not receive any notification. Concerned, I visited the pharmacy, only to be informed that my scripts were exhausted.
Upon reviewing the dates of my last prescription on 11th April 2024, I found this information to be inaccurate. The prescriptions showed the following repeats remaining: - Medication A: 2 of 5 repeats - Medication B: 3 of 5 repeats - Medication C: 4 of 5 repeats
Given this, I was puzzled as to why I was told I had no repeats left.
In an effort to resolve this, I sent a repeat prescription written by my doctor on 9th January 2024 to the pharmacy. The pharmacist, however, refused to dispense my chronic medication, citing that it is a schedule 5 drug and must be sent directly from my doctor to the pharmacy. I was particularly distressed when the pharmacist raised their voice, insisting that previous dispensations were incorrect and that they could not give me my medication.
This interaction left me extremely upset, as I need my chronic medication to manage my health. Furthermore, the pharmacist informed me that there had been a change in protocols due to the dismissal of the last manager for not adhering to this schedule 5 drug policy. There had been no communication from the pharmacy about this change, which added to my frustration. The pharmacist asserted that it was not their obligation to inform customers of such changes, which I find highly unprofessional and negligent.
Additionally, during a visit in January when I was ill, I provided my 6-month repeat script for chronic medication. The pharmacist then told me I had prescriptions left and should return before June to utilize them. Contrarily, the pharmacist during my recent visit informed me that I could only receive two more months' worth of medication and the previous explanation was incorrect.
I am very disappointed by the inconsistent information and the lack of communication regarding changes in protocol. Being publicly reprimanded was not only unprofessional but also extremely distressing.
Given these issues, I kindly request the following: 1. A thorough investigation into the handling of my prescriptions and why there was a discrepancy regarding my repeat medication. 2. Clarification on the current protocols for schedule 5 drugs and why this information was not communicated to customers. 3. An apology from the pharmacist who raised their voice and a commitment to ensure such unprofessional behavior is not repeated. 4. A detailed explanation of how you plan to prevent such issues in the future to improve customer service.
I have had numerous issues with this branch before and am now reconsidering my options for where I get my medication. I hope to see prompt action taken regarding my complaint.
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I did apologise to the pharmacist for raising my voice, but what a fucked up experience. Is this information about schedule 5 known? Was I in the wrong?

Summary: Both my wife, and the voluntary group I chair, are being threatened with legal action by a disgruntled group member
I am the Chairman of a local voluntary group. My wife W (44F) is the Membership Secretary. Margaret (late 40s, F) is the Treasurer. They don't like each other.
W recently organised a fundraising dinner for the group, which involved working closely with Margaret. Perhaps frustration built up. As part of the dinner, W put together a crossword quiz, where all the answers were somehow connected to our group. Most clues were normal, but 7 down read "Fat old slag (8)".
Margaret didn't see the crossword clue at the time, as she was dealing with the raffle. When she found out, she had a blazing row with W, claiming the clue was aimed at her. Now she's talking about suing.
No answers were given to the crossword, but certain letters spelled out the winning word ("Abracadabra"). Because of that, and the way the crossword was put together, we know the first letter must be "M," and the 5th letter must be "A." Margaret fits, but we also have a Marianna and a Michaela.
But realistically, the answer is Margaret. No-one would ever think of describing Marianna or Michaela in that way. And while not gallant, it's not necessarily an unfair description of Margaret. At any rate, all 12 teams wrote down "Margaret" as their answer.
W says she has done nothing wrong, and that if the cap doesn't fit, Margaret doesn't have to wear it. W says that if Margaret should be suing anyone, it's the people who wrote down her name against 7 down. W is acting very smug about the whole thing.
Margaret is threatening legal action against W and the group. She is cranky and litigious and just the type to sue even if it didn't make financial sense from her end. Our group has liability insurance but I am not sure what it covers - Margaret is the Treasurer and has the documentation and won't let me see it.
What should we do? W refuses to apologise.
Edited to add: We are in England.