Labeled mri brain

Qanon Alpha Candidate v23

2018.04.02 16:19 Qanon Alpha Candidate v23

The biggest threat to our country is Remote Neural Monitoring. Deep Learning AI is using your brain, knows your secrets, your passwords, your memories from the past up to this moment. Everyone is now under surveillance even if they did nothing wrong.
[link]


2011.06.17 20:16 osirisx11 Neuromarketing

[link]


2021.06.09 06:10 Jack_Spire clearpointneuro

Discussion about CLPT, platform company helping biotechs deliver drugs to the brain with real time MRI imaging. Also used for brain computer interfaces (similar to but ahead of Neuralink).
[link]


2024.05.22 00:44 peachyperfect3 Have an MRI to check for IIH today, but doc already started me on Topamax. Will the IIH still show up?

I had previously received a tentative diagnosis of IIH, and it subsided after weight loss. Fast forward 5 years and it came back, with all of the classic IIH symptoms.
My doctor already started me on Topamax, which has been helping, but not totally resolving it. Example, my pulsatile tinnitus just turns into tinnitus after taking the Topamax, and the visual issues reduce, but I still have the brain fog, stiff back/neck,
Will they still be able to see the issues on an MRI, or not really because the Topamax is already working?
submitted by peachyperfect3 to iih [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:40 Plantymirrt Constant Fullness in Sinuses

20M 5’11 160lbs No medications or health conditions
Hello everyone! I’ve come on here to ask for my help for my situation. Doctors ents headache specialists neurologists and even just people who want to comment, I would really appreciate it if you shared your thoughts on what is going on and what course of action I should take. Basically the question is should I get surgery for the anatomical variants?( large right concha bullosa of middle turbinate and significant leftward deviated septum with a prominent bone spur on it). The concha bullosa is pretty big and hits both the septum and other side it’s not like a regular one. The deviated septum also hits the wall and blocks off the drainage pathways just like the concha bullosa.
Here is my symptoms: For about a year and half now I have had a constant fullness and pressure within my sinuses. It’s normally felt in my nose forehead and sometimes cheeks. It’s constant 24/7 from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed. It’s sometimes painful and usually gets worse as the day goes on. When I bend down it definitely gets worse. It’s always there in my head to some degree and it never feels like my head is fully clear. I do have a bit of trouble when breathing through my nose but it’s nothing crazy but I can’t get a full, clear, and refreshing breath. What’s weird is that when I cry or something and my mucus starts draining the pressure goes away. Even when an ent did an endoscopy and started moving around the camera in my nasal cavity, the mucus started draining and my symptoms went away for a split second. Sometimes I notice that my ear feels full and that the pressure sensation even goes to my throat. The pain is dull constant doesn’t throb and isn’t sharp. I don’t have any auras, visual or sound disturbances etc. It doesn’t come in waves either. If there is any other symptoms you would like to know if I am having please ask.
Testing: MRI, ct scan, endoscopy, and blood tests normal except for the anatomical variants I listed above. No signs of infection or inflammation. Nothing indicating headaches and nothing wrong with brain. No lesions, bone destruction, etc. My ent did notice a build up of mucus though when doing the endoscopy. Did flounase 2x a day, Claritin 1x and nasal rinse 2x a day but no significant improvement. I was referred to neurology by my ent because he said nothing I had indicated the symptoms I am saying. At neurology, we ran a course of amitriptyline and did a magnesium + riboflavin supplement but those did not help or maybe helped VERY minimally. Hot showers feel nice sometimes and advil sometimes helps ease the pain(only to a limited extent) when it hurts a lot. I also talked to an allergist and he said it’s probably not allergies, and I got a skin prick test that came back negative for everything a while ago.
My thoughts: I personally believe that the anatomical variants are responsible for my symptoms. I think what’s happening is that they are trapping the mucus and air flow and obstructing the sinus drainage pathways which can cause that pressure/ fullness sensation and why my head doesn’t feel fully clear. There is nuance here though and this is why the ent and other people are hesitant to recommend surgery. Concha bullosa is a normal anatomical variant found in a significant portion of the population (maybe even up to 54%) and is mostly asymptomatic. Deviated septum is also fairly common and is not normally responsible for pressure feelings within sinuses. Furthermore, up to 90% of cases where people think they have sinus problems, are actually migraines according to some studies. But my case is different because I am well educated in the symptoms of migraines and what I am experiencing does not add up to that. Also my anatomical variants are not like the normal population, especially my concha bullosa because it is really large and the mucus drainage thing like with endoscopy points to the anatomical variants.
Plan: I really only have two courses of action left that I can think of. I either go back to neurology and run through more cycles of medications to see if it’s migraines and if that doesn’t work go back to ent and discuss surgery. Or I don’t waste time and go straight back to my ent and talk about surgery and stuff. If there is other options or something else I should look into, please let me know.
I would really appreciate it if you guys shared your thoughts and what you think is going on and what I should do going forward I am getting pretty desperate and I know surgery is a big step. If there is any other information or questions you have, I would be more than happy to tell you!
submitted by Plantymirrt to u/Plantymirrt [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:19 blrishana I suspect MCAS? Opinions?

I have been on a long journey over the past 2 years trying to figure out what is happening to me. Long story short, i've been to around 15 specialists, therapists, psychiatrists, you name it. Possible diagnosis that have been thrown out are: POTS, autonomic dysfunction, celiac, hashimotos, etc. As of right now, they label it an "idiopathic autoimmunity". Through my tests i've found: High T4, fluctuating TSH, sinus rhythm tachycardia (beta blocker has helped a ton), low ferritin (not absorbing although taking it), foraminal narrowing in my left neck, MTHFR gene mutation, under average response to vestibular cues.
I knew I was having trouble with food as soon as a few months in, just was unsure which foods. I tried to cut out sodium, garlic, lots of trial and error with rashes, feeling like i was going to pass out or my body was putting me to sleep after meals. I had a doctor suggest gluten and dairy free- this was a HUGE help, I went from 15% functioning to about 80%, still having "flare ups" and getting sick from food unsure of what is causing it. Over the months of tracking, i've come to realize I cannot have eggs or banana as well. Both cause me to feel feverish and unable to breathe, for which I have been prescribed a Z-pac for a suspected respiratory infection realistically every 3-5 months during all of this, but am started to suspect rather than repeating URI's- there may be allergic reactions happening, some stronger than others. I eat a very strict diet and still sometimes find myself feeling ill, often nausea as well.
I suspect MCAS due to the amount of foods I can no longer eat out of no where with no clear diagnosis or purpose and the intense respiratory effects I have in response to it. Especially in the summer, I have heat intolerance accompanied by a huge intolerance to the air outside, I have had asthma all my life but i've generally been ok without my inhaler unless I was full on running, this keeps me inside because I just can't breathe.
Some of my main symptoms before my diet changes were: partial body numbness, tachycardia, flutters/palps, dizziness, brain fog, extreme fatigue/weakness, impending doom/panic attacks (never had anxiety before this), intense mood swings, red hot face after eating/flushing, appetite fluctuations STARVING or cannot even smell food.
If you've read this far, thank you. Please give me your input as I just recently heard about this diagnosis and am considering it. I do not want to look like a fool and be dismissed for going to another doctor with another suspected diagnosis. I am 23 F, very active and health conscious.
submitted by blrishana to MCAS [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:01 failstoomuch Can I swap out breakers within the panel?

So I understand I'm not the most electrically inclined person, even when I was in school for HVAC (I'm many years removed from the trade now). So I recently moved into a manufactured home and for the receptacles of all 3 bedrooms and the living room are hooked up to the same 15 amp breaker. We have a 20 amp breaker for the kitchen receptacles but we don't really have any kitchen appliances that utilize that, only a rice cooker. So my question is, could I swap the 15 amp that's on the 4 main living spaces for the 20 amp that's on the kitchen receptacles?
Im asking this because things are getting toasty outside now and the one window AC unit isnt cooling down the home enough.
Another question I have is that there's a 4 switch breaker for the smoke detectors, central air, and furnace; 15 / 25-25 / 15 matching the order listed. The thing is, we don't have central/forced air cooling. Is it pheasable to get a 15/20-20/15 and put a 20 amp on the bed/livingroom receptacles?
My brain says that these would work out because I'm not going over the rated 100amps for the panel. But I'm not an electrician and that's why I'm here, so I can learn why my brain maybe thinking dumb/why it's a bad idea. Thank you in advance!
The warning label is on the water heater breakers, saying to make sure the tank is completely filled.
submitted by failstoomuch to AskElectricians [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:01 failstoomuch Can I swap out breakers within the panel?

So I understand I'm not the most electrically inclined person, even when I was in school for HVAC (I'm many years removed from the trade now). So I recently moved into a manufactured home and for the receptacles of all 3 bedrooms and the living room are hooked up to the same 15 amp breaker. We have a 20 amp breaker for the kitchen receptacles but we don't really have any kitchen appliances that utilize that, only a rice cooker. So my question is, could I swap the 15 amp that's on the 4 main living spaces for the 20 amp that's on the kitchen receptacles?
Im asking this because things are getting toasty outside now and the one window AC unit isnt cooling down the home enough.
Another question I have is that there's a 4 switch breaker for the smoke detectors, central air, and furnace; 15 / 25-25 / 15 matching the order listed. The thing is, we don't have central/forced air cooling. Is it pheasable to get a 15/20-20/15 and put a 20 amp on the bed/livingroom receptacles?
My brain says that these would work out because I'm not going over the rated 100amps for the panel. But I'm not an electrician and that's why I'm here, so I can learn why my brain maybe thinking dumb/why it's a bad idea. Thank you in advance!
The warning label is on the water heater breakers, saying to make sure the tank is completely filled.
submitted by failstoomuch to AskElectricians [link] [comments]


2024.05.22 00:01 ikieneng My fanfiction - episode 4!

My fanfiction - episode 4!
The next part is here! This episode is so long that I had to split it, and today, you're finally getting part 3 of 3.
You can find the previous episodes in the side bar! (Community info page in the app)
DISCLAIMERS (the same ones as before)
The point of this fanfiction is not to be a straight-up continuation of events with the same themes, intensity, and tone. If you go into it with those expectations, you are probably not going to like it. Rather, it’s supposed to be how I wish things went if these events were real life. The resolution you want for a real-life situation isn’t often the right choice for a show, but it can be incredibly beautiful. Think of what you’re about to read to be a separate show then.
Episode 1 of this fanfiction begins after the episode “2:00” (season 2 episode 4), so it replaces the episode “Cake” and the ones that follow it. This fanfiction expects you to have seen the entirety of seasons 1 and 2, so you should watch those first.
I myself am bursting into the story here. The narrator and me are the same. While my character is like 95% real me, don’t take events about my life described here as facts. Some aspects of my life have been changed for the story. In my head, I started writing like an “alternate me” character in 2016, fulfilling a lot of the things that I wish I had in life, adding that to my story. I’m not really from Ukraine. I speak fluent Ukrainian as a foreign language, I started learning it in 2014, and I’ve talked to tons of people from there, but I’m not from Ukraine. I also don’t have as much money as I do in the story. I wish lmao.
If you want to post your own fanfiction, feel free to do so! To get your own post flair for your fanfic, and to appear in the side bar, please message me.

Part 3 (days 3 and 4)

We’d wake up on day three, and still, nothing would be any different - we’re still locked up. We’d both feel really worried not knowing if we’ll have to forfeit our whole plan because we might run out of food and water and take the risky route - calling the police and getting ourselves into a situation where we’d have to be freed by force, which would be so dangerous because the Turners have proven that there’s nothing they’re not prepared to do to us to “get Jericho back”. Leanne would ask me “What do we do if we call the police, and Mrs. Turner comes up here and tries to hurt us?” At first, I’d insist that we start thinking about that when we do run out of food the next day, but she’d insist we should come up with a plan. I’d point at the corner on the edge of the attic facing Spruce Street, the corner that’s to one’s right when coming up into the attic,
https://preview.redd.it/knoz0zwpou1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=bd1694f292bb546ea45339ebecea7ffacfe33541
and say “Then you’d curl up and hide over there, and I’d take the radio, you’d take the metronome, and I’d sit down in front of you, shielding you, and if she gets in here before the cops do, we’ll defend ourselves. And we’d record everything on my phone. And we should probably hide behind the sofa. Maybe then, she might not notice we’re still up here at first. She’d probably be in a state of panic.” She’d look at me with sad, but touched eyes and just hug me and say thank you. I’d reply “Of course”. After some silence, I’d tell her “If anything happens to me… Please bring me back”.

She’d be touched by that, but say that if she reanimates me, the Church of Lesser Saints will come after ME as well because they’ll believe that I’ll be obligated to join. With a worried smile, I’d say “I know... But they’re probably already gonna do that, right? Because I won’t let them get to you!” We’d both nod with the same half-happy, half-worried expression. “And if things go terribly wrong and you have to bring me back, we can try again!”

I’d ask if I’m getting it right that the “great sins” they think she’s committing are not spending time with the Church and helping another family from the one that was assigned to her. She’d say yes and add that there’s a lot more they hate her for, like her “disobedient and rebellious streak”, disobeying their instructions, putting curses on people, and now, leaving the Marinos.
https://preview.redd.it/4obn4r9uou1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=1e77adafbde221c320999ba1169adb0a1c6b2b17
After a few seconds of silence (out of shock that this is how the Church of Lesser Saints frames it), I’d be like “If you disobey so many of their instructions, then...”, look her directly in the eyes, and go “Good! Keep on disobeying them! I’m actually kind of stunned that this is how they frame your actions, because that is so manipulative. Wanting to have a life where you don’t have to worry about your every step being watched and controlled, where you can actually freely explore what you believe – not what they tell you to believe, but what YOU believe, where you can do totally normal human things like listen to music, and where you can go wherever you want and make some basic decisions for yourself and work wherever you want, that doesn’t make you...” (doing the “quote-on-quote” with my hands while I say it) “quote-on-quote ‘disobedient’ or ‘rebellious’, it makes you a normal human being. If they forbid every little thing that people do that makes you happy, if you then look for happiness elsewhere, that’s on them. You can’t take every bit of joy away from people and then expect them to just deal with it. You wanting to run away, that’s the logical result of their bullshit. And you didn’t ‘leave’ the Marinos, you were taken. Don’t let them think you’re at fault in any way!” She might have never heard any verbal confirmation before that her feelings about leaving are valid, and this would be so reassuring to her. She’d tell me that whenever she did things like not be there for meals at the Church, skip assemblies, or curse people without permission, she would be brought before May and the rest of the community, get questioned about her behavior, and she’d have to self-flagellate to receive forgiveness.
https://preview.redd.it/roex7c20pu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=32cecf94a41a97e66b1c74967cb074ca89321777
I’d go really still and quiet when she mentions the self-flagellation, which she’d then explain is a frequent punishment. That would freaking break my heart... I’d ask her when was the last time she hurt herself, and it was a little less than two weeks ago, before she was forced to leave the Turners. Very carefully and quietly, I’d ask her if it would be okay if she can show me her scars and add “You do NOT have to if you’re not comfortable, PLEASE don’t do it if you’re not”, and after a second, she’d nod and show me her back. My heart would break for her even more seeing her scars, I’d just express how horrible it is that they made her do that… I’d show her some of my cut wounds from when I self-harmed, which I hadn’t done in like three and a half years at that point. I’d want her to know that way that I get the urge, that I really do, but I’d tell her that hurting oneself achieves nothing. All it does is make you feel horrible mentally and physically, and every time you do it, there’s a risk of infection and even death. I’d just tell her I understand while taking her in my arms. I’d ask her to please look me in the eyes and tell me she won’t hurt herself again, and that when she feels like doing it again, to please talk to me first. She’d quietly say “I promise” while looking me in the eyes, and after some longer embraces, we’d both smile a bit, that would make me really happy to hear! I’d ask that when we’re out of here, if we can call a doctor sometime soon and get them to look at her scars to make sure none of them are infected, if she’s comfortable enough, and she’d nod and smile at me a little bit some more.

We’d eat after that. We’d run out of tomato soup that meal, and I’d tell her that when we’re getting out of there, I’d get her all the tomato soup in the world! “We’re gonna fill a whole hotel fridge with tomato soup!” “And with Ben & Jerry’s?”, she’d ask, and I’d say yes and say that we’re probably gonna need more than one fridge. I’d say we’re gonna pick the nicest and most expensive hotel to stay at, an idea that she’d love! “You still think Allentown is a good idea?”, I’d ask her, and she’d think my reasoning from the day before makes sense and say yes. We’d look for the nicest hotel in Allentown online and see that there are “only” three-star hotels in Allentown. Leanne would ask if getting such an expensive place to stay is really okay, and I’d say “Money is not an issue, don’t worry about it” while reaching across her back and like caressing her right shoulder, looking her in the eyes, and smiling. “And besides, let’s spoil you, you fucking deserve it after all this!” We wouldn’t book anything yet because we wouldn’t know when we can get out of there yet, but looking at all those insanely nice hotels would lift our spirits a bit.

After eating the first half of that day’s rations (only two half day’s rations would be left after that…), we’d think that it would probably be a good idea if we started writing the document for the police right now. Writing it can take hours upon hours, and there’s no point in delaying the rescue to write the document after I leave if we can do it right now, so we’d begin right that moment. It would begin something like “My name is Daria Horenko, born July 30, 1999 in Odesa, Ukraine, residing in 501 Pembroke Ave, Philadelphia 19050, Pennsylvania...” (I don’t live there. I have no idea who does. Please leave them alone lmao) “...I sent this statement to my Facebook friend Liam [...] (residing in Tipperary, Ireland, using Facebook as Liam [...]) as a PDF file and told him to call the Philadelphia police and read this statement to them if I don’t come back online and confirm that I’m okay by 10 PM Philadelphia time / 3 PM London, UK time on December 22, 2022. If he is reading this to you, it probably means that there was no sign of life from me by that time, and that I’m not safe, probably kidnapped and locked up by Dorothy Turner, Sean Turner, Julian (I’m not sure about his surname, but I’m referring to Dorothy Turner’s brother - redhead, not very tall, moderately overweight) in the attic of their residence at 9780 Spruce Street, Philadelphia 19139, Pennsylvania”, and then document everything I’ve seen in chronological order and everything that Leanne has told me, with a link to our video and photographic evidence, references to DNA evidence that can probably be found in the hole in the basement if they haven’t covered it up by now, and a statement at the end saying that I’ve written it together with Leanne to make sure that everything is correct. That would take a really long time, hours for sure. But when it’s done, I’d run spell- and grammar checks on it and send it to my printer at home, to be queued for printing when I get home and turn it on. We’d also know that today (December 21) or tomorrow will be the day when we leave one way or another, so I’d schedule a text message to 911 in 30 hours from that moment. The message would say “This is a scheduled message. If you’ve received it, then Leanne Grayson (born October 13, 2001)...” (We only ever learn Leanne’s birth year from the gravestone. October 13 is Nell Tiger Free’s birthday, so October 13, 2001 being Leanne’s birthday is kind of my headcanon)
https://preview.redd.it/0hr9niq1pu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=4dbead2015781ed8beee236188b8273aac1b3fb0
“...and me (Daria Horenko, born July 30, 1999) are probably not safe, abducted and locked up against our will by Dorothy Turner, her brother Julian, and Sean Turner in the attic of their house at 9780 Spruce Street, Philadelphia 19139, Pennsylvania or somewhere else on the property. We need help immediately. The Turners should be considered dangerous and very clearly willing to use violence and intimidation. We need help NOW. Details in our prepared statement: [the link]”. Because we’re holding out hope that we won’t have to call the police from inside the attic, the document would include information on what our plan is to get Leanne (and me) out of there as safely as possible and call the police from the taxi, but that if we run out of rations, we won’t have a choice but to call the police while we’re unarmed and while the Turners still have the upper hand.

We would debate whether we should include information about the Church of Lesser Saints right away or tell the police about them later because we know how that sounds, considering that this would hurt the credibility of our testimony,
https://preview.redd.it/sinvabf3pu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=e37811b53eb90cb8a066bfcb30f6244bb9f34ad4
but we’d modify the document and include the most important information about them as well, with more believable explanations - how they forced Leanne and other members to self-harm (meaning that current members or those who recently left), where they’re currently operating from in Lancaster,
https://preview.redd.it/mxbm8445pu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=1f9b5f1c671c15afce7149eeb90926c2c29b9bdb
that they faked their deaths, that they forced Leanne to leave the Turners, and the necessary lie that they took the real baby, and that Leanne hasn’t seen it since that day and doesn’t know where they’ve taken it. We’d also include names and stuff, and most importantly, reference the baptism tape and say that it shows May and George watching us from the sidewalk outside the church less than three weeks ago, and that piece of evidence would change everything in regards to investigating the Church of Lesser Saints and make the police believe us. We’d add that it’s probably among the other DVDs in the Turners’ living room, and that I’ll try to get it when leaving the building if our original plan is still going to be an option, rip the DVD at home, and add a link to the video file to the document. We’d modify the scheduled text message as well, and we’d charge both phones, mine first because the scheduled message is so important, but it’s an iPhone, so we could charge it to 100% rather quickly and then charge hers. And we’d add that we’d want the police to get Leanne’s things from the Marino estate. All her stuff being there would be further evidence that she was taken suddenly and against her will. We’d also add what number Leanne can be reached at for now with the Samsung Galaxy phone. And then, I’d send the document to Liam on all platforms where I know how to reach him, followed by a message to alert the authorities if I’m not back online confirming that we’re both okay in what’s now probably more like 29 hours, the phone number of the Philadelphia police, and caps at the beginning saying that it’s an actual emergency.

Out of nowhere, I’d ask her if she’s seen “Titanic” lmao, and with her near total isolation growing up, she wouldn’t have seen it. “I’ve only seen movies on TV”. I’d be like “I can show you lots of movies if you want! I got several subscriptions to streaming services, and also a bunch of stuff offline on an external drive at home.”
https://preview.redd.it/lr58woa7pu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=63537b149270faeebb2c3f1be9ba2af0d259e1b7
Back on talking about “Titanic”, I’d tell her it’s wonderful and so freaking romantic, albeit over-the-top at times for sure and a bit overrated. It has that glossy feeling and some superficial characters to it that all James Cameron movies have, but it’s still really wonderful. After explaining the plot to her (since she’s grown up so isolated), I’d tell her about one scene that I’m thinking about a lot from time to time - near the end of the movie, when old Rose is done telling the researchers her story, she says that she doesn’t even have a picture of Jack, and that has hit me so hard from the first time I’ve seen the movie.
https://preview.redd.it/96bgw8s8pu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=476c1a4cbee498c26a0be4651ef83258f0aa7748
She has no physical memories of him, she can never see his face again, and she can never show people what he looked like. That just rips my heart. I’d ask Leanne if we can take some pictures together. We’d look pretty horrible because we haven’t been able to shower in days, but we wouldn’t care and take them anyway and really, genuinely smile so hard. I’d send them to her email address (leanne_grayson@icloud.com, that email address is on her resume in the show),
https://preview.redd.it/frfz9e7apu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=1b65065ab622e71f52edc6e9b84a2974e7efe9cb
manually sync my gallery with iCloud, and I’d send them to Liam. I’d ask what phone she got back at the Marinos’ and if she’s got any pictures of herself in her iCloud gallery, but she’d tell me she’s rarely ever taken pictures of herself, only for the resume she applied at the Turners’ for, and I’d be like “Whaaaaat? But you’re so beautiful!”, and she’d smile hard, a bit embarrassed. I’d look her straight in the eyes and say it again and say that I mean it for real, she is so incredibly beautiful! It’s probably so rare that anyone’s ever said that to her in her entire life (her mother definitely didn’t, and given that the Church of Lesser Saints believes that anything that feels good is dangerous,
https://preview.redd.it/msylzejbpu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=b343bf8d10b86f7c731eed3c8a5204460daec4d4
it’s rather unlikely that they did), Tobe saying it in “Balloon” might even have been the only time ever…
https://preview.redd.it/jdce6tndpu1d1.png?width=975&format=png&auto=webp&s=c9edaacd72634c3dbe7dbf29abcc84f2412a10d4
I’d then add “Inside AND out!”, and she’d smile some more in a bit of embarrassment and then look me in the eyes and say “You, too, Daria!”, and as you’d expect, I’d smile so hard and even with my eyes!

It would be rather late by then, so we’d eat and listen to some more music together from the Spotify playlist I created for her and talk so much about what we’re hearing.

After dinner, she’d bring the topic up on her own (this is kind of making fun of these fan theories) - she’d tell me that some in the Church of Lesser Saints think she’s the Devil or Lilith because of her rebelliousness, and how she’s inspired doubt in some people in the Church. I’d make such a weirded-out face. After realizing she’s serious, I’d say “If you are the Devil, then hail Satan! Like, seriously, if YOU are what God is threatening will happen if we don’t follow him, then that’s literally the weakest threat I’ve ever heard of. Then God is the villain here. We need more people like you in the world!” Shy as she still is, she’d still be almost embarrassed to hear this (she’s so not used to compliments), and I’d make it clear I’m serious, that I really think she’s fricking wonderful and the sweetest, and that she clearly has a huge heart full of so much love, and that she deserves so much better than what she’s ever experienced! Almost in denial, she’d see in my eyes that I really mean it and just smile and hug me, and then, we’d both smile even more! I’d rub her back a lot in that moment and promise her again that everything will be okay. “I’ll make sure of that!”

After some more music together, knowing that tomorrow will be the day we leave, no matter which plan we’ll go with, we’d make sure we haven’t forgotten anything. Looking around, I’d realize I have to give her my earphones with a cord because the internal mic of my Samsung Galaxy S5 Mini is essentially useless. I’d tell her that when I call her the next day to tell her it’s safe to come downstairs now, she should answer the call, plug in the earphones, and then, it will take a few seconds until I can hear her, but then, it should be fine. We’d set a code phrase that I’ll mention to let her know if the Turners got me and it’s NOT safe to come down. She’d suggest “tomato soup”, and I’d smile and say yes, that’s gonna be our code phrase. “And if it IS safe to come down?”, she’d ask, and I’d suggest “ice cream”.

I’d realize that we should probably find her fresh clothes in the attic and a coat right now, so as I said, it’s not too obvious that she’s been locked up for a long time the second she walks out of the door, because if she’s in dirty clothes or nightwear, with it being obvious that she hasn’t showered in days, and I get her out of there and into a taxi to drive off while I got a gun, it would look as if I was kidnapping her, so we’d find her a nice dress and coat up there, and I’d turn around and close my eyes while she puts it on, and when she’s done, I’d tell her again that she looks amazing! 😊
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And she’d smile and thank me this time, sort of the way she says it to the makeup artist at the street fair in S3E5 “Tiger” in that typical way of hers that’s so adorable for real,
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and she’d look in my direction and say “You look really beautiful, too!”, really shy, before peeking me in the eyes for a moment, and we’d just look at each other for a moment. “Can I have your pictures?”, she’d ask me, and I’d say yeah, open my iPhone, and select ALL pictures of myself in my gallery and send them to her email address, and send her those that are too large via a Google Drive link (iCloud isn’t great for sharing files lol), and then, I’d take her Samsung Galaxy S5 Mini, download them all (which would take a while because that phone is ancient), and set one of the pictures we’ve taken together as her wallpaper, and then set it as my wallpaper on my iPhone as well! 😊

We’d consider if there’s anything else we’ve missed. She’d mention that parts of the floor screech, especially one tile, so when I sneak out, I gotta be careful on the stairs, especially with that one tile.
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After a few seconds, she’d ask me if we wanna book a hotel now, and I’d smile and say sure! “Did you like any hotels in particular, out of the ones we looked at?” She’d say “The one with the big jacuzzi looks great” with big eyes and enthusiasm in her voice, like she does during some of her conversations with Tobe in S3E5 “Tiger”. “You’ve ever been in a jacuzzi?”, I’d ask her, and she’d go “Nooo, but I wanna try!” in the same tone,
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and so, after lying down now, we’d look up which hotel she was talking about and book a two-room suite in that hotel in Allentown for three weeks. I’d add “So we can easily look out for each other, and so you’ll also have some privacy.”, and she’d smile and nod, that consideration would probably mean a lot to her.

We’d then get ready for bed. For the next day, I’d get some better clothes as well and put them on while she’s turned around with her eyes closed. I’d take the last ration of food out of my backpack, put the clothes I just took off at the bottom of it, above Leanne’s Bible (the porcelain baby and card are already in one of the other pockets), and put my phone and the chargers in another pocket. I’d look around and ask her if there’s anything else I should take with me to safeguard, and at first, she’d also look around because she wouldn’t know how to answer right away, but she’d then point at Mrs. Barrington with her face,
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and I’d be like “Well, I think she’s a little too big for my backpack, but I can talk to the police when we’re out of here, maybe we can try to get her!”, and Leanne would nod with a big smile again.

We’d lie down on the mattress and share the covers again. Just like the night before, I’d lie down on the side of the mattress that’s closer to the stairs, in case Dorothy changes her mind and tries to assault Leanne again… On the mattress, she’d suddenly hug me really tight, break into tears, and thank me over and over again, and I’d just hold her tight, say “Of course”, and assure her that everything’s gonna be okay, that we’ll get out of there tomorrow. I’d wipe some of her tears off her face 🥺 On the mattress, we’d just look each other in the eyes and both just smile more and more, and after a minute or two, she’d kiss me on the lips for a tiiiiny moment and then, we’d just smile at each other even harder! She’d say “I’m not supposed to do that” while still smiling just as hard and looking me directly in the eyes! “Says who?”, I’d reply. She goes “My aunts and uncles”, and I’d say “I don’t think they’re a reliable source!”, and we’d kiss each other some more and longer, and both feel each other’s smile on our lips, and peek at each other a few times in between 😊🥰❤️ We’d both put our arms around each other before telling each other good night and before I promise her one more time it’s all going to be okay!
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At some point during the night, she’d wake me up, and when she does, I’d realize I had a nightmare, like, not from my night terrors, and she’d tell me I had a nightmare, that I was sniffling in my sleep, and that I told her two days earlier to wake me up if this happens. Still feeling terrible (the feeling of immediate dread always takes a while to subside for me), I’d thank her. I’d ask what I was saying, and she’d say that I wasn’t speaking English. I’d consider if I should tell her for a moment, but then, I’d take a deep breath, look up for a second, and with a heavy voice, slowly say “What if we try plan A tomorrow, and I fail? I’m scared… I don’t wanna mess this up… I don’t wanna fail you…” And she’d slowly look at me and just say two words: “You haven’t!” I’d look at her and almost laugh a bit out of joy. I’d smile and just cuddle up to her a bit, and she’d do it back. I’d say I’ll try to listen to music for a while to calm down because doing something else makes it much easier for me to zone out of the feeling of dread again. “Why only you?”, she’d ask. “I don’t wanna keep you awake”, I’d say, “You need the sleep”, and she’d say “It’s okay” and just smile a bit, and so, we’d listen to some music together for about half an hour.

I’d tell her that my sleep is so horrible (she’d say she can tell) because I don’t have my meds, and I’m really fricking looking forward to taking them again. Without them, the quality of my sleep is terrible, and it takes so long for me to fall asleep at all if I don’t take them. She’d ask if I’ve taken them for a long time, and I’d say that I haven’t taken these particular meds for long because whatever I take, my body builds up some resistance to them pretty quickly, so after a while, I always have to get new ones, but I’ve taken sleeping meds for years now. “It sounds like they’re really helping you, right?”, she’d ask, and I’d nod and say “Yeah, they really do. I’m also taking antidepressants, and they were an absolute gamechanger for me. It’s okay if I don’t take them for a few days because they don’t work in the moment, but they like rewire your brain over time, and they’re the best thing that’s ever happened to my mental health. Before I started taking them, it was so hard for me to avoid bad thoughts or resist them, like, it was hell, but ever since then, it got sooo much easier, and not letting things get to me or not letting bad things really take over me is just so much easier now.” After a while, I’d say “I was at a psychiatric clinic voluntarily for six months, but I also had nowhere else to go, and the doctors and employees really abused their power. They only intervened when there was physical violence, they didn’t intervene in any other conflicts, so because of them, the patients constantly bullied each other. My doctor switched to another department while I was there, so I got a new one, and the new one wasn’t perfect, but at least, she cared. I got really lucky to get a place at a living group for mentally ill people, which was when I could finally leave. But honestly, all my experiences with mental health professionals since then have been better. I went to a different clinic for four or five days voluntarily in 2019, and even they were far better. “That sounds scary…”, she’d say. I’d reply “It was. But things got much better after that. I had lots of setbacks, like, you know, but if you get help, it’s always better.”

After the current song’s over, we’d lie down to try and sleep again. We’d smile at each other again in bed, and I’d give her a short-ish kiss before saying good night, and we’d both smile even harder after that 😁 And we would fall asleep for good after a while (it would still take me longer than her).

In the morning, Leanne would wake me up again. She’d show me that the door is unlocked and open by a little bit now (they’re “letting” her out for a few hours…),
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and we’d both just embrace and chuckle in huge joy, as we can go with plan A now, the less risky one! We’d remember to quiet down after a few seconds and whisper from then on out. I’d go to the toilet roll, take eight pieces, rip them into two bands of four pieces each, and roll each of them up into a little bunch. I’d give them to her and tell her to put them into the wall pieces of the door when she gets out (so it looks like the door is closed while it can’t actually lock) and give me an audible signal when the third floor is clear, so I’ll get out with my backpack, take out the toilet paper, and hide in her room.
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“Is there anything you want me to get from there?”, I’d ask. “No. Everything is here or at the Marinos’.” I’d go “Okay” and move on - since I’m almost definitely unable to come down to the second floor right away (I’m using American English in all of these episodes. “First floor” in American English = “ground floor” in British English; “Second floor” in American English = “first floor” in British English; “Third floor” in American English = “second floor” in British English, etc.), she’d give me a signal when coming back upstairs. We’d agree that when she comes back upstairs, if it’s safe to go to the second floor, she’d shout something, maybe in conversation, maybe some sort of cry, doesn’t matter, and if not, she’d kick something. She’d be locked upstairs again after that, so I’ll have to tell when to get further downstairs myself, which I’d do as soon as I’ve heard absolutely no sounds from inside the house for at least a few minutes. On the first floor, I’d get the DVD from March 11, 2001, and if the baptism tape isn’t clearly labeled among the tapes, I’d unplug the DVD player from the TV, turn on the player, open the DVD slot, and if the tape isn’t in there, I’d take all unlabeled tapes. I’d then listen in on the basement door for a few seconds, and if I hear no sounds from down there, I’d quietly open the basement door and go downstairs, and if no one’s there, I’d get out through the side entrance down there, out through the back gate, walk back to Spruce Street, drive my bike home, take a shower, watch the tape from March 11, 2011 like she told me I could, hide it somewhere at home, print out the document for the police, take it with me in an envelope, print out a second version of it to give to the taxi driver, so I can say “If I’m not back in an hour, please call the police for me and read this to them”. I’d then call a taxi (a taxi with a large trunk whose driver is allowed to drive to Allentown and back), load my gun, and leave for the Turners’ and get Leanne.

We’d see that Liam has replied by now. Of course, he’d be super worried, but he’s got our backs for the plan, and that would be really reassuring. We’d look each other in the eyes, and then, I’d hug her sooo tight for several seconds, and we’d have one loooong kiss (hoping it’s not the last time we see each other…) before she goes downstairs while looking back at me on the way before putting the toilet paper in the door. I’d then put on my backpack. Once Leanne loudly shouts “Mister Turner?”, that would be my signal, and I’d hide in her room for about 45 minutes before she’s “let” back upstairs and shouts “You can lock me in now, Mrs. Turner”,
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which is when I’d sneak into the storage/guest room and wait. It would take like five hours until I hear nothing for a while, which is when I’d sneak onto the first floor, look around to make extra sure no one’s there, and go to the living room. I’d get the tape from March 11, 2011, and the baptism tape would be among the labeled DVDs, and I’d put it into the box of the March 11, 2011 tape (I’d put the original DVD loose in there and use the spot inside the box for the baptism tape because it’s probably more important. I then wouldn’t hear anything from the basement, so I’d slowly and quietly go down there. No one would be there, so I’d leave as planned and go home and take a shower. I’d watch the March 11, 2011 DVD. I’d be surprised to see the interaction between Leanne and Dorothy for sure, but sort of knowing her, I wouldn’t think anything bad of it. I’d actually get it because of my past celebrity crushes (which I know isn’t what she was feeling for Dorothy) and the desire to meet them, especially with Blanche. I’d get why Leanne wouldn’t want the police to see it, it would look bad for her. I’d wrap up the DVD in a thick piece of paper and tape it to the back of my closet, between the closet and the wall. I’d burn the piece of paper in the DVD case in my bathtub with a bucket of water next to me just in case. I’d test if the DVD of the baptism tape still works (it does), rip it, upload the video file to Google Drive, add it to the document for the police, cancel my printing queue, print the document (two versions of it. The one for the taxi driver would just have a short introduction at the beginning, like, that I’m the person who ordered the taxi), order the taxi, pack my things for the next couple of weeks and anything that Leanne might need, so I’d include any clothes that I think could fit her, and go to the taxi. I’d tell the driver to get me one block away from 9780 Spruce Street (which isn’t actually a real address, by the way) and wait there for me. Before leaving for the Turner house, I’d give him the envelope with his version of the letter for the police and tell him what I said I would tell him. I’d then get my backpack with the gun in it from my luggage in the trunk, and walk to the Turners’ house.

I have already "written" so much more in my head, but I've now reached the end of what I've actually written down, so it will take longer until the next episode is out now! Hope you've enjooooyed this one!
submitted by ikieneng to teamleanne [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 23:19 kgreenfish Advice on labs - egfr

  1. Female. 5’4”. 135#. No medications and nonsmoker. No current medical issues.
Doctor can’t see me until next week and my medical anxiety is making me spiral. My egfr level came back at 88 (labeled fegfr for some reason from my doctors in house lab) and my creatinine is .88. In February my levels were egfr at 111 and creatinine at .73 (this was labcorp). I’m confused about this variation. Both levels of creatinine are normal, why is the egfr varying so much? The only other abnormal level on my labs was my globulin at 2.2. Can a medical professional put my mind at ease here? Google says I have kidney disease but my logical brain says that doesn’t make sense. 🥴
submitted by kgreenfish to AskDocs [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 23:04 boobalinka Worried about this

Want to get this off my chest. I've a part that is concerned and frustrated by posts which show very little understanding of the IFS framework and process.
Some seem to automatically equate their self identity of "I" as being the same as Self. And also seem to be under the impression that the goal of IFS is to become one with Self! This is ironic as they already refer to themselves as Self.
Self is not a part! So it can never be an "I" or "you" or anything. I realise its very name is problematic as the label of Self has a part-like ring to it, as in common parlance it's a noun. Dick Schwartz is aware of the linguistic minefield and confusion regarding IFS terminology. With hindsight, he says he would have chosen different words and labels but things are way too far along to change them wholesale now.
And the goal of IFS is to unburden burdened parts. It is not about trying to be more in Self than anyone else, trying to achieve ultimate enlightenment or trying to be in a permanent, unwavering state of Self and whatever other idealised religious and moral concepts you're wanting to project onto the label!
A clearer way to think of Self is as Self energy, that every system and its parts always has a minimal level of Self energy but that level is always naturally fluctuating. It isn't essential, desirable or natural for every part to be maxed out with Self energy all the time. Our system of parts is connected to our autonomic nervous system which is always re-regulating. That is its function, ability and power, to be able to dysregulated and kick into survival mode when needed, then re-regulate according to changing conditions, its goal isn't to maintain permanent and absolutely perfect serenity and bliss always and forever. The only preference is for a system that can easily re-regulate, expanding and contracting gradually and smoothly, with a wide window of tolerance, instead of a system that is easily triggered into sudden shutdown or no limits exploding, with very little tolerance for internal/external change and gets stuck in that disregulation.
Also, I compare access to Self energy in a smoothly reregulating system to access to the functions of the prefrontal cortex and its influence on the limbic system and reptilian parts of our brain. To gradually build more space and bring more awareness to past experiences that were so overwhelming that Self/prefrontal cortex was bypassed for the sake of emergency, crisis and survival measures carried out by the reptilian brain and remembered as unprocessed emotional and procedural memory in the limbic system.
The other concern I have noticed is that posts seem to like IFS to a neat, by numbers procedure that is applied to whatever "part" that person has in mind. The basic IFS guideline of becoming of aware of blending to unblend from a part and then connect with it and get to know it and the exile it's protecting to get permission to connect with and get to know the exile or get to know the burden it carries so that it can be unburdened. That's just a guide and the IFS process is hardly ever as neat and procedural as the guideline.
So it concerns me that some posts seem to talk about working with parts as if it's like doing the dishes and hey presto, it's done, the parts are magically unburdened in the dishwasher cycle in some part's mind.
Also, I appreciate that for some, they see IFS as a psycho spiritual process but that's not how it was originally formulated as a psychotherapy, so IFS terminology has no spiritual roots or traditions other than what each of us choose to project onto it. It's our responsibility to become aware of our own projections cos some projections and expectations might hinder the IFS process and our own healing.
Maybe it's all in my mind but that's what I see coming up regularly on this sub and I wanted to point it out so I can say I did that so I can calm my frustration and concern with it.
Please at least read No Bad Parts by Dick Schwartz before doing any self-therapy but working with a trained IFS professional is recommended because as simple and elegant as the IFS framework is, the personal process isn't meant to be as neat, simple and procedural. If yours is, then you're likely just stuck in a mind part playing an IFS simulation game in its head. The real deal is usually a total shitshow of parts and pain.
submitted by boobalinka to InternalFamilySystems [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 22:52 germanideology Enticement at the Encampment: An Erotic Short Story

Tom took another look at the dwindling encampment as his dismay began to fade away. "Whoever's left to hang out with are the most committed to the cause" he thought to himself. "If anything, I'll have more fun than I did before." And after all, they had a good lineup of activists scheduled to visit in the next few days, and an anarchist band had even agreed to play this afternoon. He had definitely noticed a rapid drop in the number of campers since the end of the semester, and had even begun to doubt that they would be able to get any sort of concessions out of the university. But his thinking had changed after hearing the speeches that morning.
First to speak was Tom's friend and comrade, Eric. His impassioned indictment of the Israeli government reminded Tom of the importance of their activism. Then came the married grad students, the Trotskyist Abdou and the pan-Arabist Farida. They were international students studying English and anthropology, respectively. Or was it anthropology and sociology? Abdou lectured on the university's connection to the military-industrial complex. His speech was filled with threats to the administration that Tom was sure the limp-dicked Trot had no means of fulfilling. Even so, he had to admit that despite all his other inadequacies, Abdou was a powerful speaker. Finally came Farida. Tom had always considered her the best speaker of them all, but frankly he had a hard time taking his eyes off her whether she was speaking or not. He had tried flirting with her before, and he got the feeling that Abdou was even more into it than she was. Thinking about it now, he couldn't quite remember what her speech had been about, but it had certainly improved his spirits.
As the "Bacon Brigade" began setting up their instruments, Tom decided to make a point of dancing with Farida that afternoon. As the average tent now held two campers rather than five, he even thought he might get a chance to enjoy some of the newfound privacy.
...
When there was a break in the music, Tom sauntered over to the table where Abdou was sitting. As an ML, Tom could hardly stand Trotskyists, but he put on a smile for the sake of "left unity."
"She's a good dancer isn't she?" said Abdou.
"Oh yes, the best," agreed Tom. He was trying to think of a way of progressing his slow seduction of this Muslim woman and decided to be bold. "Look Abdou, the band will be winding down soon, why don't you both come back to my tent and I'll show you some comradely hospitality. I also have some suggestions that I know you'll love."
Abdou's mind was racing with the possibilities of the situation. Would this be the chance to see his wife seduced and taken by this big stud? Supposing Farida won't agree? Before he could engage his brain Abdou found himself agreeing to Tom's offer. "Wonderful, wonderful," beamed Tom and he could feel his big cock twitch at the thought of bedding Abdou's beautiful wife.
Just then Farida reappeared. "What are you two talking about?" she said.
Before Abdou could say a word, Tom said "Well my dear, your husband has kindly accepted my invitation of hospitality at my tent."
Farida didn't know what to say. She had thought Abdou would whisk her off back to the hotel and give her the fucking she desperately needed. Rubbing up against Tom's manhood had taken its toll. "Well I suppose we could come and see where you camp," she said, "but we mustn't stay too late must we Abdou?"
"What? I err no, I suppose not," stammered Abdou as Tom rose and offered Farida his arm.
And the three of them found themselves heading off to tent where the lives of Abdou and Farida would be changed forever. As they walked along Abdou held one of Farida's arms and Tom the other. However, after a while Abdou consciously let go of his wife's arm and stepped behind Tom.
This was not lost on the big white and he put his big protective arm around Abdou's wife as if to say to everyone "she's mine." If Farida hadn't been so dazed by the afternoon's events, she might have noticed various other white students smiling at Tom with knowing grins. They had recognized the situation immediately; a Muslim couple with cuckold husband following on as a big powerful white man led the wife to his cot.
Soon they reached Tom's tent and both Abdou and Farida were pleasantly surprised at how spacious it was. "Let me get you some coffee," said Tom as both Abdou and Farida collapsed onto a big sleeping bag.
Having sorted the drinks, Tom put some music on, and crawling over to Farida he said, "Can we have another dance Farida, you're such a good dancer?"
Before Farida could answer she felt her husband pushing her up. "Go on Farida, you know how much you enjoy it."
Abdou secretly wanted to see his wife in the arms of this Adonis again and who knows maybe more. Having no real reason to object, Farida agreed and as she accepted Toms hand she couldn't help but feel a shiver at the thought of being reacquainted with his penis, albeit covered by his trousers. However, as they left the tent she had a suspicion that he wasn't wearing any under garments since his penis had seemed so clearly outlined earlier.
As he clasped her to himself Tom could feel his big cock twitch once again. He moved one hand down to the small of her back, just to test the waters and meeting no resistance after another minute or so he moved his hand onto her sexy bottom. He could feel through the thin dress that Farida wasn't wearing thick pants, or perhaps only very skimpy ones and he couldn't wait to see her naked.
Farida felt lost in a different world as she circled round with this big man. Not only could she feel his penis growing hard against her once more, but she felt his big hand on her bottom pulling her onto his hardness. When she looked at her husband (still sitting in the tent), she noticed that he was just rubbing his own penis through his trousers. "My goodness," she thought, "he's getting turned on watching us. Supposing I flirt a bit more and show him what he's missing?"
With that Farida deliberately started to open her legs and let Tom's muscular leg rub against her inflamed sex.
This change in Farida's demeanor was not lost on Tom. As he led her back to the tent, he let his hands roam all over the back of this sexy hijabi Muslim wife and he leaned down to kiss and nibble her neck and ears. He heard Farida sigh and knew that he was close to capturing this sexy wife. "Fatima, let's give Abdou a show to remember shall we?"
Farida was brought back from her dreamlike state by Tom's question. "What do you mean?" she asked.
Almost in a whisper Tom said, "You know, a bit of thesis-antithesis-synthesis."
He had already found the zipper that ran down the back of Farida's dress and he had it in his hands as he spoke to her. He slowly started to pull the zipper down and it was half way down her back before Farida realised what was happening. "Wait Tom, we can't do this, I'm married."
"So what of it, Abdou wants me to undress you, don't you Abdou?"
Abdou had no hesitation in replying in the affirmative. This is what he had wanted for so long.
Caught in the confusion and surprise of hearing her husband say that he wanted to see another man, undress her, Farida just lay there while Tom pulled the zipper right down and then eased the dress off her shoulders. Suddenly she realised that she was lying in only her stockings, garter belt, and thong panties.
As she looked up at Tom she saw something that she hadn't seen in a man for years and that was undisguised lust. This man was lusting after her, this married women! She should have felt ashamed at her feelings but she didn't. Having got half-naked, she realised that she was enjoying the attention of this muscular white man. In fact she decided to crawl around in front of him as if to say 'look at what my husband has and you haven't'.
This might have been a foolish act, but it merely served to confirm what both men knew. For Tom it confirmed that Farida was absolutely gorgeous, the sexiest Muslim woman he had ever seen and that she needed to be loved sexually. For Abdou as he fingered his painfully erect cock, he knew that he was just a few steps away from pushing his wife into a sleeping bag with another man. He was close to realizing his fantasy.
Tom pulled Farida to him, lifted her face to his and he kissed her. Farida would always remember that first kiss since it was both passionate but more significantly the precursor to her crossing a line that could not be re- crossed, and to setting in motion events that would last her and her husband a lifetime. She accepted his big tongue into her mouth and her tongue fenced with his. She could feel his big hands roaming all over body now.
In her trance-like state it seemed quite natural that Tom should start to remove his clothing. Both Farida and Abdou watched as the big man removed his shirt to reveal a hugely-muscled chest and then he dropped his trousers and just as Farida had suspected he wore no underwear. His big cock reared up in all is magnificence and Tom was gratified to hear both husband and wife express surprise at his size.
Tom crawled over to the sleeping bag where Farida was sitting and crouched in front of her, his big cock semi erect. He remembered that Eric had told him that the cops were closing in, and he knew he would have to move quickly if he wanted to finish before they cleared the encampment. Farida's head was at the same level as the big man's groin and she was amazed at the whole size and muscularity of this man. Her trance-like state was broken by Tom who said softly "Take my cock into your mouth."
Farida was aghast, "I can't! It's dirty and I've never done that before."
Tom laughed to himself. This wife was indeed naive and yet he was gratified that he would be the first man to have his cock sucked by her. Lifting her face so that she could look into his eyes, Tom said, "As we hear from German ideologists, Germany has in the last few years gone through an unparalleled revolution. The decomposition of the Hegelian philosophy, which began with Strauss, has developed into a universal ferment into which all the “powers of the past” are swept. In the general chaos mighty empires have arisen only to meet with immediate doom, heroes have emerged momentarily only to be hurled back into obscurity by bolder and stronger rivals. It was a revolution beside which the French Revolution was child’s play, a world struggle beside which the struggles of the Diadochi [successors of Alexander the Great] appear insignificant. Principles ousted one another, heroes of the mind overthrew each other with unheard-of rapidity, and in the three years 1842-45 more of the past was swept away in Germany than at other times in three centuries.
"All this is supposed to have taken place in the realm of pure thought.
"Certainly it is an interesting event we are dealing with: the putrescence of the absolute spirit. When the last spark of its life had failed, the various components of this caput mortuum began to decompose, entered into new combinations and formed new substances. The industrialists of philosophy, who till then had lived on the exploitation of the absolute spirit, now seized upon the new combinations. Each with all possible zeal set about retailing his apportioned share. This naturally gave rise to competition, which, to start with, was carried on in moderately staid bourgeois fashion. Later when the German market was glutted, and the commodity in spite of all efforts found no response in the world market, the business was spoiled in the usual German manner by fabricated and fictitious production, deterioration in quality, adulteration of the raw materials, falsification of labels, fictitious purchases, bill-jobbing and a credit system devoid of any real basis. The competition turned into a bitter struggle, which is now being extolled and interpreted to us as a revolution of world significance, the begetter of the most prodigious results and achievements.
"If we wish to rate at its true value this philosophic charlatanry, which awakens even in the breast of the honest German citizen a glow of national pride, if we wish to bring out clearly the pettiness, the parochial narrowness of this whole Young-Hegelian movement and in particular the tragicomic contrast between the illusions of these heroes about their achievements and the actual achievements themselves, we must look at the whole spectacle from a standpoint beyond the frontiers of Germany.
"Ideology in General, German Ideology in Particular: German criticism has, right up to its latest efforts, never quitted the realm of philosophy. Far from examining its general philosophic premises, the whole body of its inquiries has actually sprung from the soil of a definite philosophical system, that of Hegel. Not only in their answers but in their very questions there was a mystification. This dependence on Hegel is the reason why not one of these modern critics has even attempted a comprehensive criticism of the Hegelian system, however much each professes to have advanced beyond Hegel. Their polemics against Hegel and against one another are confined to this – each extracts one side of the Hegelian system and turns this against the whole system as well as against the sides extracted by the others. To begin with they extracted pure unfalsified Hegelian categories such as “substance” and “self-consciousness,” later they desecrated these categories with more secular names such as species “the Unique,” “Man,” etc.
"The entire body of German philosophical criticism from Strauss to Stirner is confined to criticism of religious conceptions. [The following passage is crossed out in the manuscript:] claiming to be the absolute redeemer of the world from all evil. Religion was continually regarded and treated as the arch-enemy, as the ultimate cause of all relations repugnant to these philosophers. The critics started from real religion and actual theology. What religious consciousness and a religious conception really meant was determined variously as they went along. Their advance consisted in subsuming the allegedly dominant metaphysical, political, juridical, moral and other conceptions under the class of religious or theological conceptions; and similarly in pronouncing political, juridical, moral consciousness as religious or theological, and the political, juridical, moral man – “man” in the last resort – as religious. The dominance of religion was taken for granted. Gradually every dominant relationship was pronounced a religious relationship and transformed into a cult, a cult of law, a cult of the State, etc. On all sides it was only a question of dogmas and belief in dogmas. The world was sanctified to an ever-increasing extent till at last our venerable Saint Max was able to canonise it en bloc and thus dispose of it once for all.
"The Old Hegelians had comprehended everything as soon as it was reduced to an Hegelian logical category. The Young Hegelians criticised everything by attributing to it religious conceptions or by pronouncing it a theological matter. The Young Hegelians are in agreement with the Old Hegelians in their belief in the rule of religion, of concepts, of a universal principle in the existing world. Only, the one party attacks this dominion as usurpation, while the other extols it as legitimate.
"Since the Young Hegelians consider conceptions, thoughts, ideas, in fact all the products of consciousness, to which they attribute an independent existence, as the real chains of men (just as the Old Hegelians declared them the true bonds of human society) it is evident that the Young Hegelians have to fight only against these illusions of consciousness. Since, according to their fantasy, the relationships of men, all their doings, their chains and their limitations are products of their consciousness, the Young Hegelians logically put to men the moral postulate of exchanging their present consciousness for human, critical or egoistic consciousness, and thus of removing their limitations. This demand to change consciousness amounts to a demand to interpret reality in another way, i.e. to recognise it by means of another interpretation. The Young-Hegelian ideologists, in spite of their allegedly “world-shattering" statements, are the staunchest conservatives. The most recent of them have found the correct expression for their activity when they declare they are only fighting against “phrases.” They forget, however, that to these phrases they themselves are only opposing other phrases, and that they are in no way combating the real existing world when they are merely combating the phrases of this world. The only results which this philosophic criticism could achieve were a few (and at that thoroughly one-sided) elucidations of Christianity from the point of view of religious history; all the rest of their assertions are only further embellishments of their claim to have furnished, in these unimportant elucidations, discoveries of universal importance.
"It has not occurred to any one of these philosophers to inquire into the connection of German philosophy with German reality, the relation of their criticism to their own material surroundings.
"First Premises of Materialist Method: The premises from which we begin are not arbitrary ones, not dogmas, but real premises from which abstraction can only be made in the imagination. They are the real individuals, their activity and the material conditions under which they live, both those which they find already existing and those produced by their activity. These premises can thus be verified in a purely empirical way.
"The first premise of all human history is, of course, the existence of living human individuals. Thus the first fact to be established is the physical organisation of these individuals and their consequent relation to the rest of nature. Of course, we cannot here go either into the actual physical nature of man, or into the natural conditions in which man finds himself – geological, hydrographical, climatic and so on. The writing of history must always set out from these natural bases and their modification in the course of history through the action of men.
"Men can be distinguished from animals by consciousness, by religion or anything else you like. They themselves begin to distinguish themselves from animals as soon as they begin to produce their means of subsistence, a step which is conditioned by their physical organisation. By producing their means of subsistence men are indirectly producing their actual material life.
"The way in which men produce their means of subsistence depends first of all on the nature of the actual means of subsistence they find in existence and have to reproduce. This mode of production must not be considered simply as being the production of the physical existence of the individuals. Rather it is a definite form of activity of these individuals, a definite form of expressing their life, a definite mode of life on their part. As individuals express their life, so they are. What they are, therefore, coincides with their production, both with what they produce and with how they produce. The nature of individuals thus depends on the material conditions determining their production.
"This production only makes its appearance with the increase of population. In its turn this presupposes the intercourse [Verkehr] of individuals with one another. The form of this intercourse is again determined by production.
[continues in comment]
submitted by germanideology to Ultraleft [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 22:48 litoffingmyself Having to say no to plans (and I need advice)

I didn’t rlly know what to label this but wtv
I’m 16 and I’ve missed out on pretty much every teenage experience bc of anxiety, I have no friends and in the past 6 years I’ve probably hung out w ppl outside my family about 5 times. I’ve got better (I used to not be able to leave my house without tunnel vision/ going pretty much BLIND, heart palpitations, dizziness, nausea, etc and being able to go on walks around my town) but my ONLINE (ik it’s sad) friends made plans to meet up and it’s killing me to say no but I’m English and they live in wales meaning it’s about an hour train ride and there’s no easy way to get out if I need it bc it’s a whole other country and I’ll be going alone bc of having no friends. I really really wanna go and it’s making me miserable that they’re all making plans to do all this stuff and my brain is stopping me from being able to go. I really really wanna go bc I’ve literally done nothing for years and I’m afraid I’m gonna miss out on everything and regret it later but every time I’ve done this and decided to go I’ve ruined it for them all by having to leave early and not being able to do anything. I don’t wanna ruin it for them too but I’m just so mad that everyone’s always out partying and meeting up with their friends and I can’t even go and walk around town.
(Btw I have FaceTimed and got a ton of proof they’re real and I wouldn’t get kidnapped, I’ve known them for years lmao so dw ab that part)
submitted by litoffingmyself to Anxiety [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 22:47 Much-Recognition-426 It’s gotten so bad I can’t even feel my body, i have no connection to it or the environment I’m in at all. It was not this bad a few weeks ago.

I don’t know what is happening to me. I’ve lost all sensation of my body, I can’t feel anything. I was driving and it feels like I’m floating, I don’t even feel bumps in the road. I drive places and it feels like I just appeared there, I don’t remember the drive or how I got there.
I go out into the sunshine and have no idea what time is it, I don’t feel like I’m “here” at all. Things are unrecognizable, and not visually - mentally. It’s like I’ve never been where I am before.
I have no thoughts in my mind at all, just music repeating over and over again. It’s like my thinking brain and inner monologue are gone, and the fear part of my brain is in complete control. The scariest part is, I don’t have any physical anxiety or panic at all, that’s how I can’t understand why this has gotten worse. I haven’t felt any sort of panic in probably a year. I feel so past the point of many people on here - I don’t see very many people saying they have no anxiety, or they can’t feel their body, they feel disoriented and unable to comprehend reality around them. I cannot focus, or get my mind on anything that requires concentration. My mind is blank.
Why is my nervous system doing this? I cannot find any triggers or anything that would make me feel MORE anxious. Nothing in my life has changed. DPDR is destroying my ability to function. Walking around feeling like you have no body, like life isn’t real, like you’re no connected to yourself or the world around you. I try so hard to just live, and I have been for many months, but I continue to feel worse - not better.
I haven’t had health insurance but once it’s active, I’m going to have every test done. This is not normal, my nervous system must be damaged in some way. If you can’t feel your body even when you touch yourself, or it feels like your legs aren’t even attached to anything, there’s something wrong. I don’t even feel myself breathing or my heartbeat. When I used to take deep breaths, I could feel my lungs expanding, now it feels like I can barely take a full deep breath.
The cognitive issues, the memory loss, the complete lack of energy or interest in anything, the lack of an inner self, not recognizing where I am, what time it is, what life even is. I 100% feel dead, I don’t understand how a doctor wouldn’t able to see this on an MRI or scan - I’ve lost all sensations in my body. Is DPDR just cutting off the physical sensations from being read by my brain?? Same with senses, I don’t smell, feel, taste, nothing. Those things still have to be there but my brain isn’t reading the input and connecting it with memories, which is why everything feels so foreign and awful.
I’ve been watching Robin Shindelka’s YouTube channel and she’s so wonderful, calm, collected. She had DPDR and she came out of it. But I don’t see her explaining my symptoms the way I experience them, she still had physical anxiety and feelings. I have none of that. How can you heal from anxiety when you can’t even feel it? You can’t accept or float through something you’re unable to feel. I don’t see anyone describe DPDR the way I do.
I’ve truly never been in such a worse place. Even at my worst DPDR, I could feel anxiety. It didn’t feel like it was happening to me, or my body - but it was there. Anyone living like this would be afraid. It’s not only taken my reality from me, it’s taken myself and my body from me too. I picture someone experiencing this as they are dying, as a way to cope with the pain. But I’m not dying, I’m not being eaten alive, I’m just doing basic things trying to survive. I don’t fight the way I don’t feel anything. I just sit in this hell every single day.
Robin mentions that DPDR happens when you can’t run from your emotions, yourself or your fears. There’s no actual bear, I’m the bear. My mind fears my own emotions, my own self, there’s no trust. I don’t even know where to begin to get my subconscious to not fear existence. To not fear my own emotions. Any little bit of feeling I have, my mind goes deeper into DPDR. This is all subconscious. My mind doesn’t trust itself - a real bind I’m in here. If you can’t trust you own mind, who are you?
submitted by Much-Recognition-426 to dpdr [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 22:33 Ornery-Jeweler3269 I was ruined by an atypical antipsychotic and a few other things, now I am looking for something to undo the damage.

In 2018, I went to see a psychiatrist, a "doctor" after an episode in which I was awake for most of a week, with at most 5-8 hours of sleep, and woke up feeling my brain was on fire.
In the one or two months after that, I started to recover slowly. I wasn't fully aware of it at the time, but I had started to suspect I was bipolar, which I now know I am. Looking back, in my early 20s, I started to get hypomanic highs one to two times a month, and also, from what I now know, very likely fueled by the food I was eating at the time.
My mom, on the recommendation of her psychologist at the time, took me to a psychiatrist 2-3 months after the incident, who put me on 3-4 drugs, including an atypical antipsychotic, Saphris, which "rebalances" dopamine and serotonin in the brain, sertraline, and one or two others I can't remember, one may have been buproprion.
I was on these for about one and a half years, from 2018 (autumn I think) to April of 2020. During that time, I lost nearly all my motivation and energy, my libido essentially died, I used to have a certain "sheen" as best as I can describe it that I would see around many objects, trees and forests in particular, and that went away, I could no longer feel happiness, I became emotionally dead inside. My memory was affected, I have had maybe three super vivid dreams in my life, and one of them was on this drug, and I know it was because of it.
I stopped doing most things I used to, because of the loss of motivation and energy, I took Russian lessons online with a woman, my teacher whom I had come to trust and love, and would never under normal circumstances have stopped them. I used to do a lot of vigorous exercise, pushups, pullups, situps, and I stopped doing those. Most of the time I was on this medication, all I could do was play the same video game on my computer every day, and walk around where I lived. I stopped working semi-regularly with my father, and stopped doing chores around the house.
When I realized the saphris was doing this to me, I tried to go off, months or even a year after starting, only to discover I could not sleep for even a second. I had always had some trouble with insomnia, and I thought the saphris was doing some good, because after taking it, I would fall asleep within 5-10 minutes. I ended up screaming at the ceiling so many nights because I couldn't sleep at all. I know now it was definitely the saphris that ruined my sleep, and I suspect most of the other things, but, I think it was likely the sertraline or the sertraline and saphris both that destroyed my libido.
When I went off of the saphris, I needed trazadone, which is prescribed off label as a sleep aid, just to sleep at all, and I barely slept. Some months into this, I began to feel a sort of hyper aggression I had never known before or since, and ended up in a psychiatric hospital several times. It only departed from me one day about 10 months ago. Lithium would barely keep it in check, just behind the surface. I was also perceiving memories differently at this time, they were coming back in a way that was hard to describe, old memories, many of them unpleasant, which under normal circumstances, wouldn't come to my mind. The aggression combined with an unpleasant memory coming to mind, like being bullied as a child, was a horrible combo as the emotional pain from the memory would make me rage more. In the very last months I was on the saphris, I believe I had a form of akathisia, as I would involuntarily cross my fingers on my right hand.
I have learned, because of this miserable experience, more about dopamine and serotonin than I knew before, and how many things these are responsible foregulate. Sleep, memory, libido, aggression, appetite, motivation, pleasure (I can't feel it anymore). Besides all of that, for a time I was feeling temperature differently, something I have learned is not uncommon with antipsychotics/atypical antipsychotics.
Now, five and a half years after being off the medication, I have never fully recovered. I have extremely little motivation and energy, my libido is dead, I take one prescription drug (gabapentin) and antihistamines and melatonin every night to sleep, and they don't always work, I cannot feel anything but the most fleeting sense of pleasure, I feel largely emotionally dead inside, my memory still doesn't work like it once did.
I have read that buspirone may help at least with sexual side effects from SSRIs, in another thread here.
Buspirone might reduce sexual side effects associated with SSRIs : Psychiatry (reddit.com)
within that thread, this was posted
...
"Bupropion is commonly used adjunctively with antidepressants to treat SSRI-induced sexual side effects. Again, the rationale for using a dopaminergic agent, even a modest one, to impact sexual side effects appears sound. Stimulants and other dopamine-­enhancing agents enhance libido.
So, I am at a bit of a loss here, I am still not sure exactly what the saphris and maybe others did, I know it has to do with dopamine and serotonin in my brain. I don't understand all of these things fully, I don't know if I have too little dopamine, serotonin, or both, or if the saphris damaged the receptors or whatever. One thing that really got my attention with the above was the part that "Stimulants and other dopamine-­enhancing agents enhance libido."
One reason I know I have issues with dopamine and serotonin, and that the saphris damaged the receptor(s) for these in my brain or something, is that I have problems with so many things that are tied to these neurotransmitters, sleep, energy, motivation, libido, et cetra. When I take caffeine, up until recently, I would notice, despite the sexual dysfunction I suffer from, that my libido would still noticeably increase, my memory would improve, of course I had more energy, motivation, and I could feel an ever so slight increase in happiness. These are all tied to dopamine and serotonin. It seems to me that there is something or things out there that could reverse this in me, or cause a really noticeable improvement for me. Before this cursed medication, I was a generally happy person, with ADHD, high functioning autistic, bipolar, but generally happy. Now i have lived in hell for more than five years, and I want it to end, desperately. I have some very small hope maybe if I could try buspirone I would see improvement, but I don't know until I try, and I am hoping my current psychiatrist will let me try it. I need to find something that undoes the damage.
submitted by Ornery-Jeweler3269 to AskPsychiatry [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 22:29 scatfox628 Why You Should Play for Real Money - A Hand Breakdown

I don't have any account set up for microstakes online and the rake is notoriously bad anyway, so I decided to get some practice folding pre on a shitty free app. I played a bunch against the terrible bots they have to max out the amount of chips an account can hold and am now playing against real people (as far as I know). Most tables are limp fests, occasionally they get ruined by someone repeatedly open shoving a 50bb standard buyin. Anyway...
Onto the hand:
6 handed covering the table with over 150bb, on the Button with 22. Limps to me, I decide to overlimp since the blinds and UTG are shorter than 30bb, I don't want to induce. Blinds call/check, 6 ways to a flop.
Which comes AAQ rainbow. Checks around to me, I decide to bet 4bb into 6. I'm not studied on paired boards or limped pots, but I feel like this is for value if a bit low in the range. Blinds and short stacks fold, HJ and CO call. Both have ~100bb effective. Been sitting at this table a while, CO is one of the only players I have met on this app that I thought had a brain in their head, but labelled them a nit after some of their river check-calls with things i would value jam. One of these V's has an Ace, almost 100%.
Turn is a 2, puts out a flush draw. Nice, I can beat a caller with an Ace. Checks to me, I bet 2/3 again, roughly 12 into 16. If they both call, I can shove river at SPR 1ish. Both call.
River is an A. The only card I can possibly stop betting on, even fold to a reasonable sizing from either of them. God dammit. They... both check. I check behind.
All hands are shown at showdown, so I get the pleasure of seeing HJ with KK for the second nuts and CO with AQ for flopped boat and the nuts all 3 streets.
submitted by scatfox628 to poker [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 22:17 do_not_look_4_door We Were Driving Cross-Country When We Entered A Tunnel. DO NOT TRY TO FIND IT!

My wife, Mia, and I were driving cross-country. It was our first attempt at the “Great American Roadtrip.”
Mia and I rented a small RV; more of a camper than a full blown RV. We packed up a couple suitcases with plenty of room for any souvenirs and we hit the dusty trail.
We started our journey on the “Mother Road”-- Route 66-- driving south from Chicago until we connected to i-70 and shot straight west through Missouri.
The goal was to see those parts of the country we had never seen before, stopping anywhere that seemed interesting. From the plains of Kansas up through the badlands of Wyoming and South Dakota.
In Missouri we saw the world’s largest cap gun. In Kansas we visited the Evel Knievel Museum and the World’s Largest Belt Buckle.
We love all those kitschy, tourist trap places.
Eventually, we made it to Colorado and after a few hours more of driving through amber waves of grain, we saw them... the Rocky Mountains.
We made an exit and headed north through the winding mountain highways.
The Rockies were gorgeous. Snow capped in the middle of summer, some of the peaks pierced through the white fluffy clouds.
We saw a sign that read “Traffic Tunnel - 3 Miles.”
A little further and sure enough, there it was, a large tunnel bored directly through the mountain in front of us.
A large sign read, “Pike Tunnel - Longest Traffic Tunnel in the Nation! - Please turn your headlights on now.”
“How long is it?” asked Mia.
“That’s what she said,” I quipped.
But she was right, there was no information beyond the detail that this was the longest tunnel in the nation.
“Can’t be more than a mile or two,” I said as I watched the little white car ahead of us slip into the darkness. A moment later we joined it.
The tunnel was lit by fluorescents that gave everything a greenish yellow tinge. On the left hand side was a raised walkway behind a railing for maintenance access.
Initially I was struck by the incredible amount of work that went into the construction of this man- made marvel.
“We’re under a million tons of rocky mountain right now,” I said.
“How many years before this caves in?” Mia responded.
I shot her a look--
“Let’s save the cave-in talk until we’re out on the other side.”
“I’m just saying, nature will take this back eventually,” she continued.
I scanned the empty road ahead of us.
“Where did the other car go?” I asked.
We were now alone in the tunnel, no cars ahead of us nor behind us.
“Huh... they must have sped off ahead. Maybe they’re scared of a cave-in?”
My Spotify playlist had stopped playing. Mia looked at the phone.
“No cell service.”
She turned on the radio and spun the dial only to find static.
“You’re not going to be able to pick up a station in here,” I said.
She turned the volume down.
“Just wanted to check... If only we had some CDs. This tunnel really keeps going.”
“I would have thought we’d be through it by now,” I replied.
I looked at the RV’s odometer, 45,600 miles. I picked up speed. I wanted to try and catch up to the little white car.
Up until this point, the tunnel was a straight shot, but now the tunnel started to curve to the right. It may have been my imagination but it also felt as though we were descending…
Mia felt it too and she started to get antsy.
“Where did that other car go? How long is this tunnel?”
There was an urgency in her voice.
I was getting nervous, claustrophobia was not usually a problem for me but when I looked down at the odometer and I saw that it had gone up by 3 miles, my mind began to wander to unsettling places.
We were descending in altitude. I could feel it. I could see a slope in the lights on the ceiling and the railing of the maintenance walkway. I could feel a pressure in my head, and I was getting cold.
“Could you grab me a coke from the back, Mia?”
I couldn’t have Mia getting anxious, that would only start a chain reaction and make me freak out which would then make her freak out.
She unbuckled and ducked into the back of the RV to where we had a cooler stocked with drinks and food.
Just as she stepped into the back, I saw something.
There standing on the side of the road was a MAN wearing a reflective safety vest and a hard hat. He was WAVING to me as I passed him by.
Something about him looked... strange…
I watched him in the side-view mirror as we passed and he was still watching the RV, still waving at the back of our vehicle as he faded into the distance.
Mia reappeared from the back of the RV, Coke in hand. She popped it and handed it to me.
“You look worried.”
“I’m fine,” I smiled and took a sip of the Coke.
“Eric, slow down!”
I slammed on the breaks as I saw what made Mia scream. In the road in front of us was a roadblock.
Two reflective traffic sawhorses blocked both lanes of the tunnel. Beyond the roadblock, the lights of the tunnel were dark. There was nothing but a void of blackness.
Standing in front of the roadblock was another man wearing a reflective vest and a hard hat, only this time his hard hat had a light on top which obscured his face.
We came to a jolting stop.
I turned to Mia
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“I’m fine,” she replied. “It’s a cave-in isn’t it?”
“God, I hope not.”
I rolled down the window, leaned out and yelled to the man in the hard hat.
“Hey! What’s going on?!”
The man was about 5 yards away. He took two steps towards us and then raised a hand to his mouth and yelled.
“Just doing some maintenance!”
“How long is it going to take?!” I yelled back.
The man made a hand gesture as if he didn’t hear me.
“How long is it going to take?!” I called again.
He made the same gesture. I unbuckled my seat belt and grabbed the door release.
“What are you doing?” Mia asked.
“I gotta know what’s going on.”
“Eric, just stay here, it might not be safe.”
“I’ll be just a second,” I said.
I pushed the door open and stepped down from the RV.
“Stay in your vehicle!” the man yelled.
He took a couple steps towards me with his hand out telling me to stop.
“What’s the hold up?!” I shouted.
The man was a bit closer now but I still couldn’t see his face through the shining light on his helmet.
“Please stay in your vehicle!” he shouted.
There was something off about him.
Then I heard it–
“EEEAAAUUUUUUGHHHHHHHH!!!”
A scream, or something, rolled from deep in the tunnel. The worker turned and looked into the darkness. Then he ran past the barricades and soon all we could see of him was the light on his helmet.
The light disappeared a moment later.
“What the hell was that?! Is someone hurt?” Mia asked.
“I have no idea,” I said.
“Should we do something?” Mia asked.
I just sat there and watched the pitch black tunnel in front of me. I had no idea what to tell her. I checked the sideview mirrors. There was still nobody behind us.
“Where are the other cars?” I asked.
“They must have gotten through before the roadblock... Or maybe they caused the roadblock?” Mia replied.
“I saw another worker a little ways back. We could try to go back and talk to him.”
“We’d be going straight into any oncoming cars.”
“There’s a maintenance walkway. We didn’t pass him that long ago. We can probably catch him on foot.”
“Maybe we should just wait for the guy to come back.”
She reached over and grabbed my arm. I squeezed her hand.
She was right.
I looked out at the tunnel ahead of us. I turned on the RV’s high beams but all I could see beyond the roadblock was more tunnel and more road.
I checked my phone. Unsurprisingly, there was no service still.
We waited, but the man never came back.
“It’s been twenty minutes,” Mia said, “How come there hasn’t been another car behind us?
I was having the same thought. I rolled down my window and stuck my head out. I looked back at the road behind us. It went back about 200 yards before curving out of sight.
There was no sign of that first worker I saw on the maintenance walk way. I looked at the roadblock ahead of us and clicked on the RV’s high beams. There was nothing beyond the roadblock but more tunnel. It didn’t look like it was under construction, just very dark.
“I think we should keep going,” I said.
“What about the roadblock?”
“We’ll move those sawhorses out of the way and just drive past,” I said as I opened my door.
Mia looked at me, then she cast her eyes to the dark tunnel ahead of us. I knew she was processing the same limited options that I was.
Driving backwards would be a huge risk in the instance of another car finally coming along.
Getting out and walking would take God knows how long, we could have driven 10 miles at this point.
Forward was our best option.
“Let’s do it,” Mia said.
We jumped out and quickly pulled the two sawhorses out of the right lane. I pulled the RV up past the barriers, then we jumped out again and put the sawhorses back where they were. We didn't need another car to come barreling through.
We were finally moving again, slowly. It was pitch black save for the high beams of the RV.
We crept forward at around 15 miles per hour. As the tunnel turned and twisted, my eyes started to play tricks on me. I kept seeing shapes at the furthest point of the tunnel.
I kept seeing something standing just at the end of the next bend but as we roll forward, there was nothing there.
“Where are the workers?” Mia asked.
“I don’t know.”
I was done rationalizing. This was all wrong. Traffic tunnels are never this long.
My mind started to wander to all the road trip urban legends I’d read about; The Killer in the Backseat, The Disappearing Gas Station, The Pale Man In The Corn Field.
Did we stumble into some strange outlier location? An in-between point on the endless roads that cross this country?
Then I saw it–
“Look! A person! Thank god!” Mia shouted.
As we rounded a curve in the tunnel, a group of maintenance workers entered our view.
The three of them stood on the left side of the road behind two more sawhorses topped with flashing lights.
Two of them faced towards us, the third was facing the other two.
The one with his back to us wore a light on his hard hat. Was this the same guy we saw earlier? How did he get this far away?
I approached slowly and rolled down the window.
“Hey! You left us waiting back there!” I yelled.
There was no response.
In fact, all three men were completely silent, and it was hard to tell in the flashing light of the sawhorses, but they looked to be standing COMPLETELY STILL.
“Hello?!” I yelled again.
I pushed open my door and stepped out onto the pavement.
“Eric wait--”
I held up a finger to Mia.
“Just a second.”
I slowly stepped towards the 3 men.
“Hello?”
No response… What the fuck?
The bright lights of the sawhorses obscured their faces.
I kept moving closer.
“Hey, what’s going on--”
Then I saw it.
Their faces... They were plastic.
In front of me stood three mannequins.
I backed away toward the RV, then I turned and walked hurriedly to the vehicle.
I was seriously freaked out but I didn’t want to alarm Mia. I climbed into the driver’s seat and slammed the door shut.
“They’re mannequins.” I said.
“What?”
“They’re mannequins.”
”Why?... What?...”
“I don’t know…”
I looked back over at the three figures and my blood ran cold…
The Hard Hat Mannequin had somehow TURNED AROUND to face us. All three figures appeared to be watching us now.
Then we heard it--
A loud resonant banging on the side, and then the roof of the RV.
“What the hell was that?” Mia whispered.
We listened, holding our breath. Then--
A shuffling sound--
Something was moving ON or IN the RV.
“Stay here.” I said.
I got up.
“Eric, wait!”
I moved to the back of the RV.
It was dark. I went for a drawer in the kitchenette space and pulled out a flashlight.
I moved to the rear of the RV, the bedroom. My flashlight illuminated an empty room.
“Whoever is back here, I have a gun…”
A shitty bluff. But I didn’t see anything.
I shone the light out of the windows of each side of the RV. Nothing.
Then I heard it–
A shuffling sound, from right above me.
I looked up and screamed–
“Fuck!”
On the roof of the RV, staring through the skylight was a woman with vacuous black eyes and a dead smile.
Her stringy black hair dangled down towards me casting thing black shadows across her horrible pale face.
“Mia, drive! Fast!” I screamed.
Mia JUMPED over to the driver’s seat, shifted into gear and STOMPED on the gas. The RV was clunky but it could move when it needed to.
We lurched forward and I fell back.
I trained my flashlight up onto the skylight again and the woman was gone.
I scrambled to my feet and looked out of the side windows.
Did Mia shake her off? There was no sign of the woman. I moved to the passenger seat, breathing heavily and sweating.
“What happened?” She asked, keeping the RV at a steady 50 mph.
“There was a woman on the roof,” I said flatly.
I realize now that I was in a kind of shock.
“A woman?”
“Her eyes were black.”
Mia just looked at me, then back at the tunnel ahead of us.
“There’s something wrong with this tunnel.” I whispered.
Mia pointed at the road ahead, “Look.”
I looked out at the tunnel. There were more mannequins. A LOT more mannequins. They were positioned on both sides of the road.
They were all facing us and even though I never saw them move, when I looked in the side-view mirror, they were somehow STILL facing us, turning to watch us as we drove past. Watching without eyes.
“Just keep driving.” I said.
As we drove on, the mannequins crowded the sides of the road more and more. There were thousands of them. Eventually they were so close that some of their outstretched arms hit the side of the RV.
They were closing in on us. Squeezing our path forward. One stood in the middle of the road.
“I don’t think i can get around it.”
“Run it over. Don’t stop.”
The RV smashed into the mannequin. Its head shot forward and bounced against the windshield and the vehicle shuddered as it rolled over the body.
Soon there were two in the road. Then three.
I could see where this was going. Pretty soon there would be too many for the RV to ram through, but goddammit we were going to get through as many as we could.
“Speed up, Mia.”
CRASH!
The sound was surreal, smashing into mannequin after mannequin at nearly 60 miles per hour.
Hands, legs, heads and torsos flew.
The windshield cracked, the RV shuddered and screamed and eventually slowed down, despite the screaming engine.
I’m certain the axle was jammed up with lifeless, plastic body parts. Eventually we came to a stop.
“She won’t move,” Mia said.
She pressed on the gas but it was no use, the RV just rocked a little bit.
“Try reverse.”
She shifted and pressed on the gas, we got some decent movement before running into another jam.
“Fuck.”
“Should we get out and look?” Mia asked.
“I’ll go,” I said as I grabbed the flashlight and popped the passenger door. Mia unbuckled her seatbelt.
“We’ll go together.”
We stumbled out of the RV on the passenger side. It was like stepping into Hell.
Countless, lifeless faces stared out at us from the darkness. The only light came from the headlights of the RV and my flashlight.
We clumsily made our way along the side of the RV. The ground was littered with mannequin pieces.
I thought to myself, if we could get a couple yards cleared out behind the rear tires, we might be able to back out and get enough momentum to reverse all the way back out of here.
Instead, when we got to the back of the RV, my stomach flipped and my heart sank.
I was expecting to see a trail of flattened mannequins, instead the RV was now surrounded by thousands of perfectly intact mannequins standing at attention. As if their ranks had some how been replenished after our vehicular assault.
“This is impossible.”
She started to cry. I held her close.
“We’ll keep moving.” I said.
“It will never end. The tunnel makes no sense. It only curves one direction.”
I looked at her.
“What do you mean?”
“This whole time the tunnel has only been curving to the right. it would sometimes straighten out or go left for a few yards but before too long we were curving to the right again. We’ve either been driving in circles or spiraling downwards.”
“So we’ll go back the way we came and hope we’re not going in circles.” I said.
We had been driving for hours at this point. Walking back out the way we came would take days. But now that I thought about it, Mia was right, we’d only been curving to the right.
This tunnel seemed to be very gradually taking us downwards into the earth.
Going forward would not get us any closer to escape.
“We’ll need food from the RV,” Mia said.
I nodded and we stumbled our way back to the front of the RV, the mannequins’ lifeless faces watching us the whole time.
I stepped up to the passenger door and nearly fell back when I looked through the window.
“What the fuck?” I breathed.
What I saw were two mannequins sitting in the driver’s and passenger’s seat.
How they got in there? I have no idea, but what really made my blood run cold was that they were dressed EXACTLY like MIA and I.
They wore identical sets of clothes. The one in the passenger seat had my same New Order T-shirt and black jeans. The one in the driver’s seat had Mia’s green striped sweater and denim shorts.
Their plastic faces stared out through the shattered windshield at the endless crowd of mannequins staring back at them.
Mia stepped up and saw the uncanny display.
“What the fuck?” Mia echoed.
I pulled myself up into the RV and slowly stepped around my mannequin doppelgänger. I avoided looking into its face but I swear i could feel it watching me as I stumbled around it.
Mia followed and we made our way into the back of our dark RV. Luckily we had just stocked our cooler full of deli meat and water not long after crossing the Colorado state line.
I handed Mia the flashlight and pulled open the cooler. I filled a backpack full of food and water.
I turned and saw them–
My mannequin double had somehow moved. It was standing in the aisle watching us.
Mia’s doppelgänger was still seated in the driver’s seat but had turned to peer back at us with its eyeless gaze.
Mia saw the look in my eyes and turned. She screamed when she saw them and backed into me. I put my arm around her and we stood there a moment, letting our skyrocketing heart rates return to Earth.
“Let’s get out of here,” I said.
I slid the backpack onto my shoulders.
Mia joined me at the door. I looked into her eyes. “Are you ready?” She nodded. I kissed her.
“I love you,” I said.
“I love you,” she said.
The look on her face killed me. She was terrified. I’m sure the look on my face was similar.
I opened the door and we stepped out…
We again stumbled to the back of the RV. Once we were clear of the RV and all the crushed mannequin body parts, it became easier to find footing, though weaving through an endless crowd of lifeless people was a slow process.
It was pitch black. Without the flashlight we wouldn’t be able to see a foot in front of us.
As I walked, the beam of light created the illusion of movement in the crowd. At least I hoped it was an illusion.
The limbs of the mannequins seemed to stretch and turn, but the only sound was that of Mia and I shuffling our way through the crowded tunnel.
Things went on like this for what felt like hours. Mia and I were sweating and aching. I was about to suggest we stop and rest, but then I saw it and I froze…
Out in the crowd, beyond rows of blank faces I saw a pale face, black hair and a dead smile.
I saw two vacuous eyes staring right at me.
“Mia, do you see her?” I whispered.
“See who?”
I slowly raised my arm and pointed.
It was the woman, or whatever it was, that stared back at me through the skylight on the roof of the RV.
“Oh my god!” Mia squeaked.
I could see now that the Pale Faced Woman was tall. A few inches taller than the mannequins.
As I pointed, she stared back at me with that terrible grin.
“What do we do?” Mia whispered.
I raised the flashlight and pointed it right at the Pale Faced Woman. I thought maybe this would scare her off.
I was wrong.
The light only made her appear more unsettling as she stared back, unflinchingly.
“What do you want?!” I yelled.
She only stared back at me. She was as still as the mannequins.
“We have to keep going.” I whispered.
Mia didn’t respond. Her body was tense as she held onto me.
“We’ve come this far, we can’t turn back again,” I continued.
I pulled Mia’s hand and we continued on our way through the mannequins, keeping the distance between us and her as wide as possible.
As we moved past, she kept watching us. Though her movements were imperceptible to us, her eyes never left us. Like one of those portraits whose eyes appear to watch you no matter where you stand.
Finally, we got far enough that she was out of sight. But the thought of her being somewhere behind us only unsettled me further and I quickened our pace.
As the hours wore on, there was no sign of the Pale Faced Woman and the crowd of mannequins began to thin out. They still populated the tunnel from one end to the other, but there was more space between them, allowing Mia and I to walk more freely.
The mannequins on the maintenance walkway on the side of the tunnel seemed to thin out as well and I decided it would give us a better vantage if we were walking up there.
I helped Mia climb up the railing that bordered the walkway, then I climbed up behind her. The walkway was elevated 3 or 4 feet above the roadway. We could easily see over the heads of the mannequins in both directions.
There was, of course, no end to the tunnel in sight.
We kept walking.
The mannequins continued to thin out, but they were different now.
There were mannequins dressed as maintenance workers again, but also mannequins dressed as families and businessmen. There was even a group of mannequin nuns standing in a single file line, heads bowed in prayer.
Needless to say, we passed none of this on the way in to the tunnel. I was feeling very hopeless that we were going to be able to find our way out.
I was far beyond speculating how this was at all possible. It’s NOT possible. And even if it were, there is no good reason for someone to do this to us.
The only explanation was the supernatural. Then I saw Her. Rather, I saw THEM.
Arranged in the middle of the tunnel was a circle of mannequins with long black hair and tattered cloth.
They looked exactly like the Pale Faced Woman, minus any facial features. I kept a close watch on them as we passed to make sure they didn’t start following us.
“A door!” Mia shouted.
Mia pointed a few paces ahead of her. There was a door leading into the wall of the tunnel.
We ran towards it. Mia grabbed the handle, turned it and pulled. It was heavy and Mia had to brace her foot on the wall to get it moving.
The metal door groaned as if it hadn’t been opened in years.
Finally, it was open enough to see past.
It was a hallway. It went out about 5 yards then turned right at a 90 degree angle.
The strangest part was the design of the hallway.
It wasn’t cement or pavement like the tunnel.
The walls were wood paneled and the floor was covered in a thick carpet, like a house from the 1970s.
“I say we see where this takes us.” Mia said.
There was no reason to disagree, but I wasn’t going to get us trapped in there.
I opened up my backpack and took out a water bottle. I opened it and handed it to Mia. She drank half, then I drank the other half.
I slowly closed the door, shoving the empty water bottle in the crack to keep it from closing all the way.
I turned to Mia-- “Okay, let’s go.”
We slowly made our way down the quiet hallway. We got down to where the hallway cornered to the right and that’s when we heard it–
KA-CHUNK!!!--
I whipped around. The door had closed behind us. I ran back to it and tried to push it open, but it was no use. There was no way it closed on its own.
Someone had to have removed the water bottle. Our path had been chosen for us.
There was no turning back.
We continued down the hallway. We turned right. The hallway continued, then turned right again. That should have led us right back to the tunnel. But it didn’t. This part of the hallway went on far longer than was possible without running into the tunnel. Then it turned right again.
It went on like this. Sometimes a section of the hallway was 20 feet long, sometimes it was 20 yards long, sometimes it was 3 feet long. But it always turned to the right.
At first it was a relief to be somewhere other than the cold, dark tunnel. But the hallway very quickly became claustrophobic and before too long, I heard someone walking behind us.
We had stopped to take a break and I heard a third pair of footsteps on the carpet coming from behind us. I backtracked to the last corner.
I was terrified as I slowly peeked around the corner, tense and waiting to see the vacuous eyes and inky black hair of the Pale Faced Woman... but there was nothing there. I wasn’t about to backtrack any further.
“There was no one there.” I whispered.
Mia slumped against the wall and slid down to the carpet.
“I think I need to rest.” She said.
I put my backpack down on the ground for Mia to use as a pillow. She laid her head down and was passed out in seconds.
I had no idea how long we had been walking at this point. I stood leaning against the wall. My body was telling me to rest but I couldn’t risk falling asleep. I had to keep watch. I knew SHE was following us.
I took in the details of the hallway for the first time. The carpet was a dull brown and the walls a cheap wood paneling. The hanging lighting fixtures were shaded by stained glass, something you might see in an old diner.
Who built this place? Did someone pick out the carpet and the lighting fixtures? Did a team of workers blast these tunnels into the Earth? Or has this place always existed? Was this Purgatory?
I began to feel dizzy. I was panicking. My heart felt like it was trying to escape my chest. I slumped to the floor and tried to slow my breathing.
I closed my eyes... –
I SHOT up in a panic. I had fallen asleep while I was meant to be keeping watch.
I snapped to my feet and looked around.
Mia was still asleep on my backpack.
Then I noticed that the hallway had changed. A few paces away there was now a plain wooden door in the wall.
I slowly approached it. I put my ear to the door and I could hear what sounded like TV static and the low murmur of voices.
I discreetly grabbed the door handle and turned it slowly. I felt the latch bolt clear and I carefully cracked the door just enough to peek inside.
It was dark, so it took a second for me to register what I was seeing. I saw a small board room. A long table in the center was surrounded by seated men in suits.
At the end of the table stood another man next to an old CRT TV that was playing static. This was the only source of light in the room and all the men around the table were turned towards the tv.
Suddenly the screen flickered from static to a solid dark background. And some warped new age style muzak began playing.
Then the words appeared on the screen that terrified me like nothing else before. In plain text the words read–
“YOU WILL LOSE HER.”
I froze as I knew these words were meant for me I watched with terror as the men seated around the table slowly turned toward me in unison.
They were mannequins.
The TV screen then clicked off and they continued staring at me as I could barely make out their forms through the near pitch darkness.
I quickly pulled the door shut. And whipped around to look at Mia, I had a horrible feeling of dread that when I turned around she would be gone, like the message on the TV promised–
“Eric? What are you doing?” Mia was leaning up and staring at me.
Thank God. There was Mia, right where I left her.
I pointed at the door and said, “This door appeared and I--”
“What door?” she interrupted.
I turned and sure enough, the door was now gone.
I explained what happened to her, but I left out the message that appeared on the screen.
-- YOU WILL LOSE HER –
Those words still burned in my brain. I tried to force them out.
We drank water, ate granola and then got moving again.
Hallways. Endless hallways.
After a couple hours of walking we started to hear music. There were small speakers in the corners of the ceiling.
I recognized it as the same new-age muzak that played on the TV in the board room. The melody drilled into our minds. Combined with the dull aesthetics of the quiet hallways and the endless right turns, the music had a hypnotizing effect.
The lengths of the halls became more uniform. That is to say, the straight section of hallway was about 7 paces, then a right turn, then 7 paces and a right turn.
“I think we’re walking in circles... or a square,” Mia said.
I looked at her and took out a bottle of water. I peeled off the plastic label and dropped it on the floor.
Then we kept walking.
7 paces, right turn. 7 paces, right turn. 7 paces, right turn. And there it was... Mia was right.
The label from my water bottle lay in the middle of the hallway. Somehow we had been led into a loop. I lost it.
“FUUUCK!”
I kicked the wall repeatedly and screamed. Mia just leaned her back against the wall.
This was our dynamic. If one of us lost it, the other became zen and thought of a solution. More often than not, I was the one to lose it.
I finally stopped freaking out
“There has to be a way out. A door,” Mia said.
“We would have seen it,” I replied.
“A hidden door,” she said.
She turned around and ran her hands along the cracks of the wood paneling.
“Most likely on the outer wall,” she said.
She beat her fist on the wall, listening for a change in the sound. I exhaled heavily, sweating and tired, and I started searching the wall as well.
We checked the whole first wall, nothing. We checked the second wall, nothing. The third, nothing.
The final wall... Nothing. I gave up and slumped on the floor. Mia immediately went over to the other side of the hall and started checking the inner wall.
“What are you doing? I thought you said it would be on the outer wall?” I asked.
Then we heard it.
Mia beat the wall and instead of the dead thud, we heard a resonate BOOM –
A door…
I shot up and started tapping the wall with Mia until we found where the door ended. It was the width of about 4 wooden panels. I lined myself up in the center, lowered my shoulder and pushed–
IT MOVED! It barely moved but it was enough to confirm this actually was a door! I re-centered and tried again, lowering my center of gravity, I pushed as hard as I could. The door pushed inward about 3 inches, then Mia joined in. We slowly moved the door, 5 inches, then 10, then 15, then 20.
Then Mia slipped inside.
I had a moment of panic as she disappeared into the darkness and those haunting words came back into my mind, “YOU WILL LOSE HER.”
I darted past the doorway, falling through the threshold and hitting the concrete floor.
I looked up and there was Mia, thank God. I promised myself I’d never let her out of my sight again.
“The exit...” Mia said.
She looked and sounded as if she were a thousand miles away. I got to my feet and followed her gaze. What I saw nearly brought me to tears.
We were back in the tunnel, but there was light. About a mile down was the mouth of the tunnel, and daylight pouring in. Beautiful daylight. I grabbed Mia tight and kissed her.
“Thank God...” she cried.
We started moving. Nothing was going to slow us down this time. We sped up into a RUN down the maintenance walkway towards that beautiful sunlight.
As we approached, something else came into view. Parked in the middle of the roadway was a large vehicle…
It couldn’t be…
It was!
Our RV sat in the road waiting for us. We ran all the way to it, pulled open the passenger side door and climbed in. There were no mannequins to be seen.
I fell into the driver’s seat and Mia handed me the keys. I turned over the engine, the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard. I shifted into gear and floored it towards the sunlight.
As we got closer, I could see the green of trees and the blue of the sky. We were maybe one hundred yards away.
I turned to Mia, tears in my eyes…
And what I saw turned my blood to ice.
Just beyond Mia’s window, that horrifying pale face grinned at me.
The Pale Faced Woman was somehow floating outside of the RV.
Before I could say anything, her hand smashed through the window and gripped Mia by the throat, then in one horrible motion the thing PULLED MIA SCREAMING THROUGH THE WINDOW AND…
Disappeared…
I SLAMMED on the breaks just as the RV passed through the exit of the tunnel and sunlight flooded the cab of the RV. I threw it in park and shot out of the door screaming.
“Mia!? Mia??!!”
I screamed over and over. I rounded the front of the RV and looked back at the tunnel –
-- and what I saw shattered my mind…
The tunnel was gone.
There was only open road.
I had lost her.
submitted by do_not_look_4_door to nosleep [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:31 Ok_League8191 Mom experiencing never ending dizziness

Hey everyone, My mom (age: 50, non-smoker, no active medication, visually impaired) has been experiencing debilitating dizziness/ pressure in her head for the past couple months. Family doctor prescribed vertigo medication for a week which did not help. She finished an MRI and her family doctor said there is nothing wrong with the tindings. I just got a copy of the findings and I'm wondering if someone could please help me decode this. "FINDINGS: There is unusual sym metric atrophy/absence of the inferior cerebellar hemispheres and vermis. This involves the peridentate cerebellum. The middle cerebellar peduncle and superior cerebellar peduncle appear small. There is normal signal in the medulla and pons. There is no atrophy of the dorsal pons. The optic chiasm appears small. The fourth ventricle and lateral ventricles appear mildly enlarged. There is no abnormal signal within the brain or brainstem. Specifically, the dentate nuclei, lentiform nuclei and globus pallidus demonstrate normal signal. The remainder of the brain parenchyma is normal. No evidence of hemorrhage nor mass. Diffusion-weighted imaging is normal with no evidence of acute infarct. IMPRESSION: Unusual atrophy/ absence of the inferior vermis and both cerebellar hemispheres with superior and middle cerebellar peduncles and optic chiasm. Neurodegenerative disorders such as Friedreich's ataxia should be considered. Bilateral posterior fossa symmetric infarcts would be unusual but should be considered. Lastly, the appearance may be constitutional. Neurology referral may be useful." Thanks so much in advance! Edit: I forgot to add that she is experiencing numbness in her hands / feet periodically throughout the day
submitted by Ok_League8191 to AskDoctorSmeeee [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:12 Notsurewhatname96 Freaking out over brain tumor - MRI tomorrow. Anyone else going through this?

I’ve been freaking out the last 2 months over a potential brain tumor and I’m finally getting an MRI scan tomorrow. I’m so worried this is going to be my last day is normalcy. I had an ear infection for months last year which I feel like has felt me with vestibular damage.
My symptoms are tingling everywhere, twitching, lightheadedness, non-spinning dizziness, heavy legs, the feeling of falling when I walk (I never have fallen over) and some eye pain. I’ve been to an eye doctor, ENT and several doctors. I’ve done many neurological test, thorough exam examinations (including an eye retina scan) and a hearing test which have all come back fine. My ENT think an MRI test is unnecessary as my clinical tests have come back fine.
How does anyone stay calm in these situations?? So stressed!
submitted by Notsurewhatname96 to Anxiety [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:10 BleepBlimpBop $RILY DD: Long List of Short Seller Claims --- DEBUNKED with proof!

Ever-shifting Short Seller Claims

The short sellers attacking RILY in 2023-2024 have been relentless (currently 57% of float sold short per FinViz), with an ever-shifting list of wild accusations.
It's sickening to watch them compile a never-ending list of baseless wild theories and claims to support their short positions, which are demonstrably false. But as each is proved false, they pivot to new claims, and/or change the goalposts.
The sheer volume of shifting claims makes it hard to track how despotic they are with their "platform," and how many falsehoods they've spun. Even for someone who watched it in real-time, for almost a year

Compiled & Debunked

Sunlight kills vampires. To that end, I've compiled a list of (i) claimants (ii) claims (iii) reality (iv) definitive source proving reality.

Why Did They Target RILY?

One of the most vocal short sellers, Nate Koppikar (who also introduced Marc Cohodes to the "opportunity") has a fund Orso Partners. Based on their SEC registration document, this is their investment thesis:
"The Account’s investment objectives are to achieve capital appreciation primarily by identifying and selling short marketable equity securities of underfollowed and complex companies with misleading or corrective disclosures through a research-intensive process. The Account employs a short-biased investment strategy with an emphasis on primarily small to mid-cap companies that are underfollowed and complex (i.e., companies with market capitalizations of less than $5 billion which the market does not yet have a wellformed bull and/or bear perspective)."
RILY fits their description. The icing on the cake was the relatively large market cap, and the relatively small float. Given extremely high insider ownership (32.9% of shares per the proxy), and limitations on when and how insiders can trade, the "free float" of the stock (i.e., the shares that regularly trade) is very small for the size of the company. Moreover, the setup would only get better - given insiders have consistently used their free cash to buy additional shares hand-over-fist (further reducing the float).
That meant, with relatively small amounts of capital, the short sellers could shove around the stock price. That ability to move price opens another profit avenue - taking large derivative positions (buying puts, and selling calls), and shoving the price (or allowing it to drift up) to profit all along the way. It looked so good, the stock has been the highest-shorted on the US indices for several months. Even after the release of the 10-K, shares remain "hard to borrow" with elevated borrow fees.

Debunked Claims

The claims made by vocal short sellers could fill a book. Most were outrageous and fanciful when they were proposed. Virtually all have objectively debunked. This isn't a comprehensive list, as their claims are too numerous and varied. But it paints an illuminating picture.
With a track record this poor, one would expect the short sellers to exit - rather than continuing to spin new narratives. Perhaps the continued attacks are their exit strategy to avoid bankruptcy... Well, #Bullish.
With the highest short interest of all US stocks (albeit likely decreased from the highs of ~76% of the float), I think this is more than ripe for a return to fair value - or well above, if a short squeeze occurs.
Note: this sub disallows image posts. There is a similar post in the RILYStock sub which contains virtually all source images for the claim in the comments (too many images to embed in the post). The source images are illuminating.
Note that the list below deliberately excludes three types of posts/claims from the short sellers:
A) Juvenile personal attacks and attempts to character assassinate and dox a long list of people (RILY CEO, RILY new hires, RILY clients, Marcum the auditor, Marcum's lead audit professional, any firm or individual publicly posting a bull thesis on RILY, etc.).
B) Those that make no objective claims, but simply exist as a product of malicious degeneracy (like pictures of roasted pigs in ovens labeled Bryant Riley the CEO, photoshopped pictures of the CEO in prison chains next to convicted felons, video of an obese woman barely able to walk being gored by a bull labeled Mrs. Riley the CEO's wife, etc.).
C) Those that are impossible for short sellers to know, and impossible to objectively verify (e.g., Marc Cohodes claiming a single RILY trader front runs the CEOs personal short trades in front of clients taking following the firm's bullish advice on those stocks, to guarantee profits).
Claimant Claim Reality
1) Wolfpack Wolfpack “RILY will record investment losses of up to ~$700 million in 2023” FALSE 10-K FALSE
2) Wolfpack “new loan to CORZQ will work out just as badly as the last and end in default (again) before June 2023” Repaid in fullFALSE , early, on 1/6/2024.
3) Wolfpack “The coupon rate on RILY’s seven issues of baby bonds ranges from 5% to 6.75%, which we believe to be far too low to compensate investors for the existential risk that accompanies these securities.” Full redemption FALSE of May 2024 came early. Far more than sufficient cash to cover debt payments.
4) Wolfpack “According to our analysis, 4 of RILY’s largest 7 corporate borrowers with outstanding loan balances of $295.3 million are at a high risk of default, or in the case of CORZQ, is already in default.” Core Scientific IncExela Technologies Arena Group Holdings FALSE a. . repaid early and in full ($111MM of the “risk”) b. repaid term loan in full ($55.8MM of the “risk”) c. debt retired in full ($99MM of the “risk”). Publicly disclosed in the most recent 10-K for each company (search for "Riley" in the filing)
5) Wolfpack “RILY’s NAV is Far Below the $1.1 Billion Minimum NAV Requirement That Is Required for the Nomura Credit Agreement Putting RILY at Risk of Collapse in 2023” is in full compliance FALSE RILY with the Nomura credit agreement. Moreover, reflecting the strength of the relationship, Nomura even granted a no-fee extension when the 10-K filing was delayed. Also see 10-K for current status.
6) Wolfpack “Over $200 Million of the Goodwill and Intangible Assets on RILY’s Balance Sheet is Attributable to its Telecom Rollup, which is Centered on Dial-up and DSL Internet:” - criticizing them as dying businesses with no value extremely valuableFALSE Segment is . From just 2020 to 2023, the communications segment has returned over $212.2MM in adjusted EBITDA.
7) Nate Koppikar (TheFriendlyBear) + Bill Abbate Jr. (JrAbbate), Various RILY committed fraud with loans and closing the FRG acquisition. "The fact $RILY closed the FRG deal while hiding the Kahn loan - an all PIK defaulted loan backed by $FRG shares - is a Hall of Fame worthy act of fraud. I thought after Enron/Sarbox we couldn't have something like this happen in US markets." FALSE A law firm led an internal investigation, and an independent external investigation both found “The review confirmed what the Company previously disclosed: that the Company and its executives, including Bryant Riley, had no involvement with, or knowledge of, any of the alleged misconduct concerning Prophecy.” “The results of the independent investigation confirmed that the Company and its executives had no involvement with, or knowledge of, any of the alleged misconduct concerning Mr. Kahn or any of his affiliates. This independent investigation was conducted subsequent to the Company's February 22, 2024 disclosure of the internal review performed with the assistance of Sullivan & Cromwell LLP as outside counsel.” Also see 10-K
8) Marc Cohodes (AlderlaneEggs), ParrotCapital, Bill Abbate Jr. (JrAbbate), Various The 10-K will never be filed. They can't produce audited financials. Audited 10-K FALSE was filed. Delay was due to Audit committee fulfilling its responsibilities and proactively conducting investigations (internal and external).
9) Marc Cohodes (AlderLaneEggs) + Nate Koppikar (TheFriendlyBear) + Bill Abbate Jr. (JrAbbate) + ParrotCapital Sullivan and Cromwell knew about Massive Fraud, and did a "sham investigation" Sullivan and Cromwell FALSE is one of the most respected law firms, in the US and worldwide. "Sullivan & Cromwell continues to lead all law firm advisers in announced and completed global deals in 2023, according to Bloomberg and LSEG. The Firm advised on global announced deals totaling more than $345 billion, representing a 12.1 percent market share, per Bloomberg, and on completed global deals totaling more than $431 billion, representing a 16.9 percent market share, per LSEG." They're not compromising themselves for a relatively small client.
10) Marc Cohodes (AlderLaneEggs), Nate Koppikar (TheFriendlyBear), Bill Abbate Jr. (JrAbbate), Parrot Capital Marcum is enabling Massive Fraud MarcumFALSE is a respected audit firm, and 13th largest by revenue. "Marcum LLP advanced into the Top 15 in the 2023 Vault Accounting list of top-ranked accounting firms. Marcum climbed six levels to the No. 13 ranking overall and earned a ranking of 14 in prestige. The Firm also won Top 20 rankings across all Practice Area, Quality of Life, and Diversity categories, including several new classifications added this year."
11) Marc Cohodes (AlderLaneEggs) Nomura is enabling Massive Fraud NomuraFALSE is a global financial services company, and the oldest brokerage firm in Japan. They operate in a highly regulated industry. They're not putting themselves on the line for a relatively small client.
12) Parrot Capital "The list of $RILY enablers is massive: Marcum LLP, Sullivan and Cromwell, Seeking Alpha, Holbrook Holdings, $AX Axos Bank, Many, many more." FALSE There's no global conspiracy whereby these companies - all respected law firms, auditors, banks, and media outlets - are collectively colluding to enable RILY to commit fraud. Requires only two brain cells and one functioning synapse to know there's no grand collusion cabal between these disparate companies.
13) Marc Cohodes (AlderLaneEggs), Jonathan Weil at WSJ Franchise Group shares used to secure Kahn loan: "It is unclear whether Kahn pledged the same shares twice—to both Prophecy and B. Riley." stated by the company UCC search FALSE As , Simple disproves this. UCC # 202302295747
14) Marc Cohodes (AlderLaneEggs) “Bryant Riley is on the Road, telling people the ‘audit partner at Marcum left’ and that ‘I have made mistakes’ “ hit the 5yr SEC ruleFALSE Marcum audit partner was working on the audit the whole time; the original audit partner had , so he was never working on this year’s audit.
15) Marc Cohodes (AlderLaneEggs) "So it turns out James La Rocca was Fired by MarcumLLP If nothing was wrong with prior $RILY Audits, why is he gone? This will be great in discovery of what exactly went on. hit the 5yr SEC ruleFALSE Marcum audit partner was working on the audit the whole time; the original audit partner had , so he was never working on this year’s audit.
16) Koppikar (TheFriendlyBear) “So Bryant Riley did disseminate MNPI back in March” in response to Cohodes claim that he told people the Marcum partner left 5 consecutive yearsFALSE Cohodes claimed Bryant Riley was telling people the Marcum auditor left. Koppikar called that disseminating MNPI. Cohodes statement was false (and thus Koppikar's derivate claim is also false). A different auditor worked on RILY, as Marcum follows the SEC rules; the lead auditor can only serve the client for . As such, Koppikar’s derivative claim of disseminating MNPI is false.
17) Koppikar (TheFriendlyBear) “He appears to still not be familiar with the voting interest model of consolidation… why is a life science and tech partner signing an extremely complex investment company / broker dealer audit ???” i.e., auditor is unqualified Marcum is a highly respected auditorFALSE The auditor is fully qualified. ; they don't hire unqualified people, or assign them to clients they're unqualified to audit. RILY is continuing to use Marcum as the 2024 auditor.
18) Marc Cohodes (AlderLaneEggs) "Now that the $RILY dividend is going away, this omission is serious stuff" reduced 24Q1FALSE The dividend did not go away. It was from $1.00/share to $0.50/share, to allow them to opportunistically allocate capital. 23Q4 and
There are too many source images for the claims above to embed in a reddit post, and this sub doesn't allow images in comments. Images can be seen on a version of this posted to a sub that discusses RILY in the comments (~55 images). All claims can be sourced on the various social media venues and websites utilized by the short sellers. Other sources include: https://wolfpackresearch.com/research/rily/ and here https://friendlybearresearch.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/RILY-Analyst-Day-Questions-12_11_13-Final.pdf and https://www.institutionalinvestor.com/article/2cpgaejc45gocvoqb1ngg/corner-office/how-b-riley-garnered-the-biggest-short-interest-of-2023 and https://www.wsj.com/finance/how-an-unremarkable-deal-became-a-big-threat-to-a-small-investment-bank-f819a169 . https://adviserinfo.sec.gov/firm/summary/304196 form ADV. This is not financial advice. All claim summarizations reflect my interpretation of the short seller claims, and should be verified against original sources, along with all counters.
submitted by BleepBlimpBop to smallstreetbets [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:07 ym_noturno Do I have dementia or just sleep problems?

More or less a few months ago, in mid-December 2023 I started having sleep problems, at that time, I had gone to my church camp, which I had been attending for a few months, I spent around 3 days without sleeping, Don't get me wrong, I've had sleep problems since I was 12 years old, so it wasn't a big deal for me, after that time, on the 3rd day, I simply passed out in the middle of them all, I was extremely exhausted, and fainting, I simply felt my body turning off, not from sleep, but from extreme fatigue, taking into account that in the meantime of 3 days I had run and exercised extremely in the middle of our gymkhana that took place during these 3 days, after I passed out, when I came home and then went to rest, since I was 12 years old, I was used to going days without sleeping and I always recovered well after a good rest, but this time it was different, even after a few days , over the months (from December to February), there were days when I couldn't sleep and days when I slept insufficiently (not totally continuous sleep deprivation) and in the middle of this time, I started to have progressive memory losses, simply, I could often forget what I was going to do, and no, don't associate this with ADHD, because I was diagnosed with this when I was 13 and I know the difference, after a while, the symptoms got worse after a few days, I just wasn't recognizing it objects, series, music and not even obvious things in my daily life, in addition to that, I'm having more problems finding the right words, in addition to always waking up every day with a strong mental confusion, simply, my brain resets itself and takes a while It takes a lot for it to function normally again, and in the meantime, I feel extremely disoriented, not even being able to recognize myself, know where I am, who I am, who my parents are, etc., I've already done a blood and urine test (complete blood count), I suspected it could be a lack of vitamin B12, and after the result, my results were normal, around 603 ng/L in vitamin B12, I only had slight changes, such as a large increase in iron (excess iron in the blood) and some changes in the bladder, but nothing that indicates a urinary infection, etc., after a while, I was taken to the neurologist, when reporting my symptoms, he said it could be stress, honestly, I've already had major I've had bouts of stress throughout my life and it never reached this level, he also said it could be depression, I've had severe bouts of depression, to the point where I could just stay in bed for days without wanting to do anything, but in this case, I can't get out. out of bed for the simple reason that I can't remember or maintain focus and attention and my reasoning fully, this coming June I'm going to have an MRI in a city close to mine, I've done countless research and several things point to symptoms and illnesses different, always leading to something involving "delirium" or "brain fog", but no definitive conclusion, and this has been happening since January until now (May 21st) I feel my memory and my reasoning get even worse as the Days pass, can this really be a consequence of lack of sleep?
submitted by ym_noturno to dementia [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:01 Ok_League8191 Mom experiencing never ending dizziness

Hey everyone,
My mom (age: 50, non-smoker, no active medication, visually impaired) has been experiencing debilitating dizziness/ pressure in her head for the past couple months. Family doctor prescribed vertigo medication for a week which did not help.
She finished an MRI and her family doctor said there is nothing wrong with the tindings. I just got a copy of the findings and I'm wondering if someone could please help me decode this. "FINDINGS: There is unusual sym metric atrophy/absence of the inferior cerebellar hemispheres and vermis. This involves the peridentate cerebellum. The middle cerebellar peduncle and superior cerebellar peduncle appear small. There is normal signal in the medulla and pons. There is no atrophy of the dorsal pons. The optic chiasm appears small. The fourth ventricle and lateral ventricles appear mildly enlarged. There is no abnormal signal within the brain or brainstem. Specifically, the dentate nuclei, lentiform nuclei and globus pallidus demonstrate normal signal. The remainder of the brain parenchyma is normal. No evidence of hemorrhage nor mass. Diffusion-weighted imaging is normal with no evidence of acute infarct. IMPRESSION: Unusual atrophy/ absence of the inferior vermis and both cerebellar hemispheres with superior and middle cerebellar peduncles and optic chiasm. Neurodegenerative disorders such as Friedreich's ataxia should be considered. Bilateral posterior fossa symmetric infarcts would be unusual but should be considered. Lastly, the appearance may be constitutional. Neurology referral may be useful."
Thanks so much in advance!
Edit : I forgot to add that she is experiencing numbness / tingling on her hands and feet throughout the day
submitted by Ok_League8191 to AskDocs [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:01 grizzlyboi13 do I need TRT? (levels posted)

total T 333ng/dl, estrogen at 17, LH at 4.2, FSH very low at 0.6 almost shutdown. (these bloods are 1 1/2 month post pct after 6 months of TRT, wanted to try natural route again)
since i was 17 my test has consistently been in the 300s. i've been able to develop a good physique, although with many low T symptoms. i eat extremely clean and nutrient dense as well, no garbage ever. I am 23 now.
went on TRT last year for 6 months, hopped off, did PCT for 6 weeks, and those were my recent blood tests. Doc diagnosed me with hypopituitarism and wants me to get a brain MRI after seeing my FSH, and she gave me option for TRT, or Clomid (really don't want clomid after seeing side effects and how barely anyone feels good on it). What should I do? I feel like I've tried everything.
submitted by grizzlyboi13 to Testosterone [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 20:34 it_is_well_ Appt with neurosurgeon

The only appointment I've had with my neurology office has been with an NP, and she asked for me to follow up with the MD in about 8 weeks which put the appointment towards the end of June. Since then, I had an MRI which the radiologist flagged a proximal artery, but the NP read the MRI and said there was nothing there causing any nerve interaction. Thanks to this group, I know better than to take an MRI reading from the nurse, no offense to her, and pushed to get in with a neurosurgeon which actually is getting scheduled before I see the MD, ironically. I had also tried to get in with this neurosurgeon previously and their scheduling department told me I couldn't see him till January, so goes to show how far getting the right referrals from the right offices count.
what questions do I need to ask explicitly at this appointment?
I generally go to my appointments by myself, but I'm wondering if there's wisdom to bringing my husband. I feel like surgery on my brain starts to become a big enough deal that it requires both of our full understanding. Thoughts there?
I'm curious about the efficacy and longevity of MVD surgery, but maybe I'll wait till I get there. I'm finally feeling like I'm in a holding pattern, with better days, and less better days, but knowing better how to navigate them.
(I also have an appointment request with the Mayo clinic, as truth be told, I don't trust that anyone in my area really has enough TN experience to be comfortable doing neurosurgery. However, I do think it's valuable to get that neurosurgeon's eyes on it in case the Mayo consult is months out.)
submitted by it_is_well_ to TrigeminalNeuralgia [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 20:29 GuitarCute Sleeping on my back causes ANNOYING clogged ears and head tension (25M)

25M white healthy nonsmoker. Various things that trigger this:
Here are my symptoms after this is "triggered":
Ruled out:
What I've tried:
Doctors cannot seem to tell me what is going on. I did receive a cervical X-ray but I am unable for months to get an appointment to talk it through. Here are the results:
What I think is happening:
What I need help with:
submitted by GuitarCute to AskDocs [link] [comments]


http://rodzice.org/