I have already made short post that I finished series finale. I stiil feel sad, depressed and that feeling when tv show ended.... unbelievable how "The Shield" is stuck with me. Can't believe this journey is over.
I wanted to say so many things. Firstly, how can I miss this? I was too young when it came out, but I hear about "The Wire" everywhere even now. "The shield" feels like out of the radar all the time. WE MUST DO SOMETHING WITH IT! Please, just watch "The Shield"!
My friend told me to watch it and he stumbled upon this Tv show in one cool review that was left by some user (girl , actually) on my native language site about movies/tvshows.
When I look at some photos and pictures of "The Shield" I have thoughts that it is like CSI or some other typical cop show with nothing more. How wrong was I with such first impression.
What I really like that "The shield" has blu-ray release. So cool tv show is reinnovate for high quality format and has a lot of bonus features on blu-ray.
My friend also told me that I need to watch especially until Season 5 where it will be so high level quality writing that I gonna really appreaciate "The Shield".
As for myself, I fond of cinema. I just not go easy on any movies/tvshows. I am very nit-picking because I like to learn about cinematography, screenwriting, directing and so on. For me movies like the greatest art and I study movies as an art. That's why I feel bored about modern movies and TV shows. Screenplays are not bold, not so complex, characters feel flat and creators afraid to insult other races, woman right and so on. Many movies and TV shows of modern era feel convinient. I am tired of that. And I started to watch "The Shield" six months ago.
"The Shield" was aired in the right time! Year 2002 like "The Wire". From the pilot episode "The Shield" don't try to be convinient, it shows you what Vic and his team doing, what "The barn" doing everyday. Everything around characters feels not-convinient: drug-addicted, child trafficking, other awful staff around. Characters not just saint and clean, they do what they have to do like it or not as a viewer. That's what I wished for a long time. "The Shield" just clicked with me. I can't even imagine TVshow about cops can be on such level with great cast, great characters, really good screenwriting, directing and editing.
Before "The Shield" I can't tolerate semi-documentary cinematography and "hand-held" effect of camera in movies. In "The Shield" I fall in love with such camerawork and editing. That's really what I can't imagine I would love in cinemas. In this Tv show every take is so close, editiing beetwen close-mid plan camera panning and it feels so great in terms of "The Shield" storytellling. You are always near characters, you like breathing just around their shoulders and see every bad side of Farmington so close that you feel how disgusting this district is. Incredible work from cinematographers and editors.
Dynamic feeling of everything that happens on the screen. The greatest part of "The Shield" it is never trying to dragging some melodrama to extend seasons or try to be sentimental in the scenes. Modern TVshows really like that and i don't. Don't need to play with the viewer. In "The Shield" everything happenes so fast, so realistic that sometimes you can't even catch a breath. Not a single dull episode. In every episode something cool will definetely happens and it keeps you attached to the screen. And I don't mean that "The Shield" hasn't some melancholic or not-fast pacing moment. On the opposite, "The Shield" has everything what makes cinema alive and fascinating.
Let me explain what I really like about "The Shield" and I have never experience such different emotions just in one piece of the cinema:
In "The Shield" you can feel like a kid again and rooting for cool-masculine guys who breaks door and shout: "Police! On the ground!". After some episodes I really wanna just play in cops and criminals on my yard with friends. That's how action feels in this Tv show. I wanna buy merch with "Strike Team" on it and snake eating rat logo. Incredible.
In "The Shield" as an adult you can feel totally devastated by events that just happened on the screen. You can feel pure emotions from character actions. And what most important you don't want to judge character right away you want to put yourself in his shoes because what character did feels so realistic. Characters here not some fancy cards, you can feel them like real human beings.
In "The Shield" you can laugh as an adult. Humor in some scenes and from some characters really spot on and not stupid. It is full drama but some episodes has great humor parts. And again it feels so real and natural like human beings in real life would joke about something. Bilings sutuations and lines from later seasons are just pure gold.
In "The Shield" you want to discuss some parts of the story. It feels like after reading a good complex books with interesting characters you start to think about their actions and how you can think about your actions in the real life. What it is like to be a coward? To be hypocrite? What about loayalty and friendship? Trust me not so many movies/TVshows can be so full-thinking. It's a miracle that such depth can be in cop TV show. I stiil can't imagine how believable characters are and situations in "The Shield". Script and story of all seasons and how characters arcs redeemed is golden!
So I trying to say "The Shield" can feel like popcorn-blockbuster cop show in some parts with overacting but sometimes it's pure complex drama with silence scenes and great acting and very realistic characters. It's the best mixture of movie formula that I have seen in my life! I stiil can't imagine that I saying such words in terms of cop TV show.
"The Shield" was ahead of its time. It is a real piece of art. In modern days I want to see Tv show with overacting (when it need to be done), cool action and the same time it can provide me with great drama sequences and believable characters.
[SPOILER] section below. Please read only if you watched the series.
What I also like about "The Shield" it has great leading character. Michael Chiklis was born for this role. Maybe in first seasons you can think he overacting sometimes and can't be so dramatic but in the late seasons Michael have shown one of the best acting scenes in cinema. Pure mastery. This 42 second silence in front of Olivia was something unique and incredible. Then final eyes scene with Cloudette and finale running eyes scene in the ending of season 7 when he sits alone.
Vic is so well written in every season. He is the anchor of the show. So charismatic, strategy wise, musculine and cool and what I like the most this character feels real. When Vic came alone in gang territory and didn't fear anything you believe in that. You understand as a viewer that not anybody in "the barn" have balls for things that Mackey can do. He uses "shortcuts" in police work that only he can manage. He has really metal backbone. Even when he mentally broke at the end of the 1st season he needs just a couple of minutes to grab his shit together and go further. Character has a great amount of willpower and dedication to do anything that he wanted to.
Vic is the greatest anti hero in cinema history. Many side characters hate him but when there is a problem that no one can resolve Mackey step up. Farmington is so dirty that it needs people dirty as Vic to clean it.
I actually always rooted for Vic as a viewer because nobody in "The Shield" is black and white. Even Claudette free Kleavon from death penalty to keep her warm place. And I like that "The Shield" shows every character is corrupt somehow.
But I can't believe that Vic betrayed Ronnie. It hits hard. After that I as a viewer understood Cloudette words: "Vic is trying to be someone he wants you to see him". We viewers see Vic true nature in the final episode and it hits hard too. He always was like that and we didn't want to accept. And some part of me like him but other part can't forgive him for what he did to others. Such a great character downfall through all seasons. And this shot when he smiled to his gun and go somewhere. Where did he go? He can't sit tight he always need to be "living on the edge" this his type of character.
I wanna write about other characters. Shane for sure. But Post is too big. I leave it for later.
10/10. I am empty and depressed that "The Shield" journey ended for me. Can't believe that many people don't know about this masterpiece. I am glad I stumbled upon it. It touched my strings for cinema love that not any movie or tv show touching in years.
So many emotions and thoughts. Thanks to Shawn Ryan, Michael Chiklis, Walton Goggins and every other member of "The Shield" crew and FX. I wish I had a chance to tell it to them personally. I am grown man but I feel emotions like a kid again. Pure emotions from "The Shield" story.
To sum up my words. I like this ending montage of Season 2. It has great editing and you feel emotions. I literally cried when I rewatched it after the final. Clodette touches Dutch and thanked him. Aceveda moving forward. Coriine in thoughts. Dutch investigate a murder again. And Pile of money scene... Vic the only one who is laughing but others feel mix emotions. Gives shivers to my spine.
The Shield - Overcome Season 2 Ending (youtube.com)

Hello and welcome to Kim Tan's Talk Time (Tuesday)!
This is a free-for-all discussion in which almost anything goes, don't diss The Heirs or break any of our other core rules. General discussion about anything and everything is allowed.
Consider this post a refuge from all the memes and fanart that are pouring in and enjoy the peace and quiet. Think of it as Tan's family wine cellar, the perfect place to chill out from the world in a fabulous sweater and have a little chat.
Who is this Kim Tan I keep hearing about and why does he have not one, but two threads dedicated to him? Good questions. If you take a look through our glossary, you will find all the answers you seek;

KIM TAN is the lead male in KDRAMA’s favourite drama, The Heirs. He’s kind of the worst but he has great sweaters so it balances out. “Kim Tan” is used in three ways on KDRAMA; 1) when referring to Lee Min Ho’s seminal character in The Heirs, 2) when referring to Automod (alt. Tan Bot) - “Kim Tan is feeling very triggered by my post”, “S***! Tan Bot just ate my post”, 3) In place of “God” or other deities - “For the love of Kim Tan!”

Please remember to use spoiler tags when discussing major plot points or anything you think should be redacted. If you are using Markdown and not Fancy Pants Editor, the easiest way to create spoiler tags is to use > ! spoiler content ! < without spaces to get spoiler content. For more detailed guidance on spoiler tags and when to use them, check our Spoiler Tags Tutorial.
Just In Case Resources
FAQ and Netflix FAQ Glossary Latest On-Airs and On-Air Roster Rules and Policies Where To Watch aka Legal Sites Everything In Our Wiki aka Wiki Homepage Get Recommendations For Your Next Watch

So I was messing around with Legos a while back, and decided to make an EVA-adjacent mech. That project turned into a straight-up EVA unit, although a custom one because I don't have the right parts in the right colors for any of the canonical ones. So I decided to make Unit-04, and then I was messing around with the shoulder blades, realized the parts I wanted to use as vents happened to be able to double as joint sockets, and I just happened to have come up with a cool design for wings in the appropriate scale and colors.
Now I like my designs to make at least a modicum of in-universe sense, so I got to thinking about two problems. One, Unit-04 has a canonical appearance. It's basically a white Unit-03 with some red detailing. My build also incorporates primarily white, but it also has a lot of yellow-orange elements. Two, these wings I've made, while cool, could not in any sane reality be used to lift eighty meters of flesh and whatever the hell they use to armor EVAs. Fortunately, I managed to devise a solution. Basically, what if SEELE sabotaged Unit-04's test to screw over Gendo in the original series, but this loop Kaworu decided to do something about it? So he finds SEELE's patsy, convinces (mind-rapes with visions of the canon plot) him to let the test proceed as normal, and it works... mostly. No Dirac Sea, but the EVA can't contain the power of an S2 engine, and its head explodes. Thus, NERV Second Branch remains intact, the secondary facility in Massachusetts never tries to get rid of Unit-03 by shipping it to Japan, thus averting Bardiel's attack and sparing Toji. I'm not quite sure on the specifics of how the fight plays out or what Bardiel does, currently thinking it just attacks as a cloud that rains Angel spores and lightning blasts. Anyway, Unit-04 remains salvageable, but requires significant retooling, and its head regenerates differently than it originally was, thus justifying my... creative liberties. (The wings, for instance, are giant cooling arrays/AT-field focusers.)
Around the same time, I played Katawa Shoujo. I advise you do too, because it's free and has touched the lives of thousands, including mine. (For the uninitiated, Katawa Shoujo is a visual novel with a fascinating story behind it that I do not have the time to recount in which you fall in love with numerous girls, all of whom have some form of physical disability.(except Misha, but we don't the Misha)) So when I started really messing around with the other anime that touched my life, and since I fancy myself a writer, rumblings of crossover were inevitable. Since I have an original EVA brewing, and I LOVE Unit-05 but do not care about Mari in the slightest, I now have two EVAs with no pilots that I still want to write about, and two characters (Emi and Hanako, for reasons that are clear if you've finished their routes) who we've already seen deep into the hearts of. The solution, I hope, is clear.
So now on the floor of my room is a bunch of disembodied parts of an EVA and in my head is a bunch of half-formed ideas for a story. I know I want to include focus on Toji/Hikari, Emi behind the controls of a slightly upgraded Unit-05 with her father in the Core, Hanako in Unit-04, Hanako/Shinji even though without someone playing matchmaker they'd never be able to reach out to each other, and maybe Emi/Rei friendship. Maybe I pair up Asuka with Misha/Shizune, but that'd have to be pretty solidly background because I don't trust myself to accurately write either side.
Anyway, remember when this post was a request? Yeah, me neither. Idk, I just wanted to ask for your thoughts on a weird idea and wound up writing a whole fucking novel of a post. Congratulations to me?

Ok, trying to improve my writing skills, so here is this week's article! Hope that you like it and let me know what you think!
Ah, video games. They’ve come a long way from the pixelated pastures of Pong, to the immersive worlds of The Witcher and Red Dead Redemption. But while the final product gets all the love and adoration, the real hero often goes unnoticed. No, it’s not the caffeine-fueled programmers or the sleep-deprived designers. It’s pre-production—the crucial first step in video game development that sets the stage for everything to come. Buckle up, dear reader, as we begin to understand why Pre-Production in Video Games is the secret sauce.

The Consequences of Skipping Pre-Production

Let’s paint a picture of the worst-case scenario. You’re a developer who’s just spent two years on a game. The deadline is looming, but you’re confident because the game looks beautiful, and the mechanics are smooth. Then, during final testing, you realize the story makes no sense, the main character is bland, and the levels don’t connect well. Panic sets in. There’s no time to overhaul the game, and it launches to scathing reviews and poor sales.
This nightmare is all too common in the gaming industry. High-profile flops like Anthem and Cyberpunk 2077 suffered from poor planning and rushed production. The fallout? Disappointed fans, tarnished reputations, and financial losses.

Problem: Diving in Without a Plan is a Recipe for Disaster

Imagine trying to build a house without a blueprint. You start laying bricks, but halfway through, you realize there’s no room for a bathroom. Or worse, you forgot the front door. Now you have a hodgepodge of walls, no plumbing, and an expensive mess.
Video game development is no different. Jumping straight into production without a solid plan can lead to chaos. Developers might spend months creating a character that doesn’t fit the story or designing levels that don’t work with the gameplay mechanics. The result? Missed deadlines, ballooning budgets, and a game that feels more like Frankenstein’s monster than a masterpiece.

Solution: The Power of Pre-Production in Video Games

But here’s the good news: pre-production can save the day! Think of it as the game’s foundation. It’s where the magic happens and where crucial decisions are made. Let’s break down the key components of pre-production and how they pave the way for a successful game:
1. Concept Development: The Big Idea
Every epic game starts with a spark – a captivating story, a groundbreaking mechanic, or a visually stunning world. Brainstorming sessions bring ideas to the table, sketches give your vision form, and the core of your game takes shape.
Here are some prompts to get your creative juices flowing:

• What makes your game unique? What emotional journey will players take?
• Is there a specific genre you're passionate about? Can you introduce a fresh twist?
• Look at existing games for inspiration, but don't be afraid to break the mould!

Resources for Concept Development:

• Book: "The Art of Game Design" by Jesse Schell (I personally love this one).
• Website: Game Developer (formerly Gamasutra) - A treasure trove of articles and tutorials on game development.

2. Storyboarding: Mapping the Journey
Think of storyboarding as your game's visual script. It's where you map out the plot, character arcs, and pivotal moments. This helps developers understand the narrative flow and how players will experience the story. The roadmap guides the entire development process, ensuring a cohesive and engaging experience.
Storyboarding doesn't require fancy software. Even simple sketches or flowcharts can be effective. The key is to visualize the player's journey and identify potential pacing issues or plot holes.
Resources for Storyboarding:

• Article: "Storyboarding for Games" by GameDeveloper
• Software: Many storyboarding tools, both free and paid, are available. A popular option is Storyboard That.

3. Prototyping: Testing the Waters
This is where the magic of "seeing is believing" comes in. Prototypes are essentially stripped-down versions of your game mechanics, allowing developers to test if they're fun and functional. Imagine catching a gameplay flaw early on – much easier (and cheaper!) to fix at this stage than later in production. Prototyping ensures only the most engaging mechanics make it to the final product.
There are various prototyping approaches, from basic pen-and-paper mockups to more sophisticated digital prototypes built in game engines like Unity or Unreal Engine.
Resources for Prototyping:

• Article: "Game Prototyping: How to Prototype Your Game Idea" (upcoming article)
• Software: Unity, Unreal Engine - These powerful engines offer features specifically for game prototyping.

4. Technical Planning: Building the Framework
Here's where we delve into the technical aspects – the nuts and bolts that make your game tick. What engine will power your creation? Are there hardware limitations to consider? How will multiplayer functionality work? Answering these questions upfront avoids nasty surprises down the line and guarantees the game is technically sound.
Technical planning requires a close collaboration between designers and programmers. Here are some key aspects to consider:

• Game Engine Selection: Different engines have strengths and weaknesses. Unity is known for its user-friendliness and versatility, while Unreal Engine excels in creating high-fidelity graphics. Godot is open-source with a strong community. Researching available engines and considering your project's specific needs is crucial.
• Hardware Limitations: Identify the target platforms (PC, consoles, mobile) and understand their technical specifications. This will ensure that your game runs smoothly on the intended hardware.
• Multiplayer Functionality: If your game involves multiplayer, consider factors like network infrastructure, online matchmaking, and server capacity. Planning this early on avoids technical hurdles later in development.

Resources for Technical Planning:

• Article: "Choosing the Right Game Engine" (another upcoming article)
• Websites: Unity Learn, Unreal Engine Documentation, Godot Engine Documentation

5. Budgeting and Scheduling: Keeping Things on Track
Let's face it: development costs money. Pre-production is where a detailed budget is created, ensuring your project stays financially afloat. A realistic timeline with clear milestones and deadlines is also established. This keeps development on track, manages expectations, and avoids costly delays.
Budgeting:

• Consider all development costs, including personnel (programmers, artists, designers), software licenses, assets, and marketing.
• Buffer in a contingency fund for unforeseen expenses.

Scheduling:

• Break down development into manageable milestones, like completing the core gameplay loop or implementing the first level.
• Set realistic deadlines for each milestone, considering team size and workload.
• Regularly track progress and adjust the schedule as needed.

Resources for Budgeting and Scheduling:

• Article: "Game Project Management: Budgeting and Scheduling" by GameDeveloper
• Software: Project management tools like Trello or Asana can help you visualize your workflow and track progress

Injecting Some Fun: Pre-Production Stories and Tips

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
One of the most beloved games of all time, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, owes much of its success to meticulous pre-production. The team spent months experimenting with different gameplay mechanics, story ideas, and visual styles before settling on the final concept. They even created a 2D prototype to test the game’s physics and puzzles. This careful planning resulted in a game that felt innovative and polished.

Source: Polygon: The Making of Breath of the Wild

The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt
The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt is another masterpiece that benefited from thorough pre-production. The team at CD Projekt Red spent a significant amount of time developing the game’s story and characters. They also created a detailed world map and lore to ensure the game felt rich and immersive. This level of detail and planning paid off, earning the game numerous awards and a dedicated fanbase.

Source: IGN: Inside The Witcher 3’s Development

Wrapping Up: The Unsung Hero Deserves Some Love

Pre-production in video games might seem daunting, especially for indie developers or small studios. But remember, even a little planning can go a long way. Start with a clear concept and build from there. Use storyboarding to map out your game’s narrative and gameplay. Create simple prototypes to test your ideas. And don’t forget to plan your budget and timeline.
Think of pre-production as an investment in your game’s success. The more effort you put in at this stage, the smoother the rest of the development process will be. Plus, you’ll save yourself a lot of headaches down the road.
In conclusion, pre-production is the unsung hero of video game development. It’s the stage where ideas are born, tested, and refined. It’s where potential problems are identified and solved before they become costly mistakes. Without pre-production in video games, even the most brilliant ideas can fall flat.
So, the next time you’re playing your favourite game, take a moment to appreciate the planning and effort that went into creating it. And if you’re a developer, embrace pre-production with open arms. Your future self (and your players) will thank you.
Happy developing!

Ok, trying to improve my writing skills, so here is this week's article! Hope that you like it and let me know what you think!
Ah, video games. They’ve come a long way from the pixelated pastures of Pong, to the immersive worlds of The Witcher and Red Dead Redemption. But while the final product gets all the love and adoration, the real hero often goes unnoticed. No, it’s not the caffeine-fueled programmers or the sleep-deprived designers. It’s pre-production—the crucial first step in video game development that sets the stage for everything to come. Buckle up, dear reader, as we begin to understand why Pre-Production in Video Games is the secret sauce.

The Consequences of Skipping Pre-Production

Let’s paint a picture of the worst-case scenario. You’re a developer who’s just spent two years on a game. The deadline is looming, but you’re confident because the game looks beautiful, and the mechanics are smooth. Then, during final testing, you realize the story makes no sense, the main character is bland, and the levels don’t connect well. Panic sets in. There’s no time to overhaul the game, and it launches to scathing reviews and poor sales.
This nightmare is all too common in the gaming industry. High-profile flops like Anthem and Cyberpunk 2077 suffered from poor planning and rushed production. The fallout? Disappointed fans, tarnished reputations, and financial losses.

Problem: Diving in Without a Plan is a Recipe for Disaster

Imagine trying to build a house without a blueprint. You start laying bricks, but halfway through, you realize there’s no room for a bathroom. Or worse, you forgot the front door. Now you have a hodgepodge of walls, no plumbing, and an expensive mess.
Video game development is no different. Jumping straight into production without a solid plan can lead to chaos. Developers might spend months creating a character that doesn’t fit the story or designing levels that don’t work with the gameplay mechanics. The result? Missed deadlines, ballooning budgets, and a game that feels more like Frankenstein’s monster than a masterpiece.

Solution: The Power of Pre-Production in Video Games

But here’s the good news: pre-production can save the day! Think of it as the game’s foundation. It’s where the magic happens and where crucial decisions are made. Let’s break down the key components of pre-production and how they pave the way for a successful game:
1. Concept Development: The Big Idea
Every epic game starts with a spark – a captivating story, a groundbreaking mechanic, or a visually stunning world. Brainstorming sessions bring ideas to the table, sketches give your vision form, and the core of your game takes shape.
Here are some prompts to get your creative juices flowing:

• What makes your game unique? What emotional journey will players take?
• Is there a specific genre you're passionate about? Can you introduce a fresh twist?
• Look at existing games for inspiration, but don't be afraid to break the mould!

Resources for Concept Development:

• Book: "The Art of Game Design" by Jesse Schell (I personally love this one).
• Website: Game Developer (formerly Gamasutra) - A treasure trove of articles and tutorials on game development.

2. Storyboarding: Mapping the Journey
Think of storyboarding as your game's visual script. It's where you map out the plot, character arcs, and pivotal moments. This helps developers understand the narrative flow and how players will experience the story. The roadmap guides the entire development process, ensuring a cohesive and engaging experience.
Storyboarding doesn't require fancy software. Even simple sketches or flowcharts can be effective. The key is to visualize the player's journey and identify potential pacing issues or plot holes.
Resources for Storyboarding:

• Article: "Storyboarding for Games" by GameDeveloper
• Software: Many storyboarding tools, both free and paid, are available. A popular option is Storyboard That.

3. Prototyping: Testing the Waters
This is where the magic of "seeing is believing" comes in. Prototypes are essentially stripped-down versions of your game mechanics, allowing developers to test if they're fun and functional. Imagine catching a gameplay flaw early on – much easier (and cheaper!) to fix at this stage than later in production. Prototyping ensures only the most engaging mechanics make it to the final product.
There are various prototyping approaches, from basic pen-and-paper mockups to more sophisticated digital prototypes built in game engines like Unity or Unreal Engine.
Resources for Prototyping:

• Article: "Game Prototyping: How to Prototype Your Game Idea" (upcoming article)
• Software: Unity, Unreal Engine - These powerful engines offer features specifically for game prototyping.

4. Technical Planning: Building the Framework
Here's where we delve into the technical aspects – the nuts and bolts that make your game tick. What engine will power your creation? Are there hardware limitations to consider? How will multiplayer functionality work? Answering these questions upfront avoids nasty surprises down the line and guarantees the game is technically sound.
Technical planning requires a close collaboration between designers and programmers. Here are some key aspects to consider:

• Game Engine Selection: Different engines have strengths and weaknesses. Unity is known for its user-friendliness and versatility, while Unreal Engine excels in creating high-fidelity graphics. Godot is open-source with a strong community. Researching available engines and considering your project's specific needs is crucial.
• Hardware Limitations: Identify the target platforms (PC, consoles, mobile) and understand their technical specifications. This will ensure that your game runs smoothly on the intended hardware.
• Multiplayer Functionality: If your game involves multiplayer, consider factors like network infrastructure, online matchmaking, and server capacity. Planning this early on avoids technical hurdles later in development.

Resources for Technical Planning:

• Article: "Choosing the Right Game Engine" (another upcoming article)
• Websites: Unity Learn, Unreal Engine Documentation, Godot Engine Documentation

5. Budgeting and Scheduling: Keeping Things on Track
Let's face it: development costs money. Pre-production is where a detailed budget is created, ensuring your project stays financially afloat. A realistic timeline with clear milestones and deadlines is also established. This keeps development on track, manages expectations, and avoids costly delays.
Budgeting:

• Consider all development costs, including personnel (programmers, artists, designers), software licenses, assets, and marketing.
• Buffer in a contingency fund for unforeseen expenses.

Scheduling:

• Break down development into manageable milestones, like completing the core gameplay loop or implementing the first level.
• Set realistic deadlines for each milestone, considering team size and workload.
• Regularly track progress and adjust the schedule as needed.

Resources for Budgeting and Scheduling:

• Article: "Game Project Management: Budgeting and Scheduling" by GameDeveloper
• Software: Project management tools like Trello or Asana can help you visualize your workflow and track progress

Injecting Some Fun: Pre-Production Stories and Tips

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
One of the most beloved games of all time, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, owes much of its success to meticulous pre-production. The team spent months experimenting with different gameplay mechanics, story ideas, and visual styles before settling on the final concept. They even created a 2D prototype to test the game’s physics and puzzles. This careful planning resulted in a game that felt innovative and polished.

The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt
The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt is another masterpiece that benefited from thorough pre-production. The team at CD Projekt Red spent a significant amount of time developing the game’s story and characters. They also created a detailed world map and lore to ensure the game felt rich and immersive. This level of detail and planning paid off, earning the game numerous awards and a dedicated fanbase.

Wrapping Up: The Unsung Hero Deserves Some Love

Pre-production in video games might seem daunting, especially for indie developers or small studios. But remember, even a little planning can go a long way. Start with a clear concept and build from there. Use storyboarding to map out your game’s narrative and gameplay. Create simple prototypes to test your ideas. And don’t forget to plan your budget and timeline.
Think of pre-production as an investment in your game’s success. The more effort you put in at this stage, the smoother the rest of the development process will be. Plus, you’ll save yourself a lot of headaches down the road.
In conclusion, pre-production is the unsung hero of video game development. It’s the stage where ideas are born, tested, and refined. It’s where potential problems are identified and solved before they become costly mistakes. Without pre-production in video games, even the most brilliant ideas can fall flat.
So, the next time you’re playing your favourite game, take a moment to appreciate the planning and effort that went into creating it. And if you’re a developer, embrace pre-production with open arms. Your future self (and your players) will thank you.
Happy developing!

If there was a word to describe Shaw, it was anxious. Even since he was a lad, he’d been plagued by a paranoia that bordered on illness. He saw shadows where others saw light and whispers where others heard silence. This constant state of vigilance made him a difficult man to know and an even harder man to befriend. His mind was always racing, always strategizing, always expecting the worst. It was both his curse and his salvation.
Shaw's upbringing did little to quell these instincts. Born into bondage, he learned early on that trust was a luxury he couldn't afford. Every friendly gesture was scrutinized, every helping hand inspected for hidden daggers. While isolated, this mindset honed his instincts to a razor's edge and imbued him with a rare resilience among his peers.
Even now, he could feel the whispers and jeering of his men. Even though every face was engrossed in their work to get this convoy moving, Shaw could see the mocking gazes. However, whenever he focused in on an individual, they’d always pretend they’d done nothing but work.
“LIAR!” Shaw barked at one young knight who had walked passed him with the reins of a war horse in one hand and those of a worg in another. “Ye think me a fool not to see Yer mutterings! Ye mock me just like that Wyvern whore!” He nearly screeched, approaching the young man with an aggressive and accusing finger pointed.
The young knight flinched away violently from the sudden verbal attack as spittle flew in his face. The horse, startled by the sudden commotion, neighed and dangerously spun around, its hooves threatening to kick. In a frantic effort to get the beast under control, the young knight scrambled, trying to calm the agitated animal while also defending himself against the barrage of accusations.
"I didn't say a word, Capt'n!" he protested with a voice laced with panic. "I'm just fetching the mount like I was told." Complete confusion clouded the young knight's face as he looked around, trying to gauge if others had witnessed the outburst and could offer some explanation for Shaw's sudden fury.
But there was no solace to be found in the faces of his comrades. The men and women of Shaw's command were well accustomed to his paranoia and accusations. They had learned to keep their heads down and continue their work, even when the knight captain laid into them.
A lesson this poor soul had yet to learn.
The incident with the young knight was a spark in a tinderbox. Shaw's anxieties, fueled by the humiliating encounter with Eira and the lingering sting of failure, now burned out of control. Every shadow seemed to contain a conspiracy, every glance held hidden contempt. His frantic walk towards Lord Harmswid's tent was marked by further incidents. Warriors, mages, and laborers alike scattered before him, startled by the wild look in his eyes and the incoherent accusations he flung about frivolously.
Lost in a mental storm, Shaw was oblivious to the fact he was delaying the departure of the convoy with each one of his episodes, and he couldn’t help but curse the incompetents Harmswid stuck him with. With the count now on his mind, the Knight Captain couldn’t help but tighten his grip in frustration. Harmswid was the one who had elevated him to a position of power.
The count had given him a chance when others had scorned his low birth as a son of a slave. He owed the nobleman everything. But in Shaw's twisted perception, Harmswid was not a savior but an architect of his misfortune.
"Harmswid!" The knight captain snarled, his gaze darting around the tent as if seeking out hidden enemies. "Ye deserved everything ye got!! Ye knew about those monsters, and ye sent me to my death!" he continued to have an internal meltdown as he came to a stop in front of the count's personal tent.
"She knew..." Shaw muttered, his voice a strangled whisper. "She knew this would happen… she knew they'd be there… that damned beast… That damned whore probably lead them here…!” Shaw clenched his jaw tightly as he started pacing back and forth in front of the count’s tent. “That… That BACKSTABBER knew it from the beginning and took advantage of the fact I have nothing but these PATHETIC and INCOMPETENT lemmings..." His hand clenched into a fist, fingernails biting into his thumb so hard that blood started to flow.
Hyperventilating, Shaw’s vision fixated on the flaps of the tent. He knew all manners of luxurious treasures he couldn’t even fathom were behind those two simple pieces of cloth… All the decadent joys he was denied access to just because of his low birth. The knight captain stepped forward and reached out to push them apart… All he had to do was step inside and take what was rightfully his… but a voice called out before his hand could reach the entrance.
“M-my lord?”
Shaw snapped around, and half drew his sword, ready to strike down anyone foolish enough to sneak up on him. However, his hand stayed as his eyes settled on a terrified, portly woman who seemed to be cowering, hoping that her head would remain attached to her shoulders. “ I-I apoplogize M-My Lord!! T-The convoy is r-ready to depart…!” She stuttered, flinching back and looking back at the knights standing a ways away for help. But instead of rushing to her aid, the men simply motioned encouragingly for her to continue. “T-They said we’re –”
“Be silent, woman!” Shaw shouted, causing the woman to recoil as if struck. Her eyes widened in terror, and for a long moment, Shaw simply glared at her before turning his furious gaze toward the knights standing in the distance. The silence hung heavy in the air, broken only by the muted sounds of the camp preparing for departure.
Sheathing his sword with an angry clang, the knight captain let out a frustrated breath. "Pathetic whelps..." he spat with a voice full of venom "Too afraid to fight their own battles...and they call me a coward."
He then turned his back on the woman, dismissing her as a mere annoyance. "Tell them to start, I have my own tasks!" He barked before pausing at the entrance to the tent. "I'll catch up with the rear if... they've managed to put some distance between themselves and me!" He said with a parting sneer just before he swept into Harmswid's tent.
Once inside the luxurious space, Shaw gaze took in a hellish scene. He had expected pure savagery with blood and gore all over the place, but he had to admit what he found scared him more. Everything was as pristine and perfect as when he was last in here except for the headless corpse of the count sitting at his magnifcent desk along with his dismembered bodyguards behind him. Whoever that damned Dark Elf had brought to attack the count didn’t even give them time to blink and cut them down with such clinical precision as speed, Shaw considered they didn’t even fully realize they were being attacked.
The interior of Lord Harmswid's tent was an assault on the senses. Accustomed to the austerity of campaign life, even Shaw found the lavishness bordering on obscene. Rich tapestries hung on the walls, depicting scenes of mythical hunts and fantastical beasts. A bed of cushions and exotic furs was piled in the center on top of plush carpets that would likely fetch a small fortune in any kingdom. A gilded brazier burned with sweet-smelling incense, masking the lingering scent of blood left by the recent attack.
But the centerpiece of this excessive display was Harmswid's desk. A monstrous thing crafted from dark ebony and inlaid with intricate silver designs, it was there that the count conducted his affairs. And it was there he met his end.
A labored breath left the knight captain's mouth as he meandered over to the pile of cushions and furs that he realized the count used as a bed and flopped lazily on it. The plush softness swallowed Shaw whole, a stark contrast to the straw-filled pallets and worn linens that were his usual sleeping accommodations. He closed his eyes, letting out another sigh that sounded content. His troubles seemed to recede in this decadent haven for just a moment.
"How long..." he mused aloud, his voice barely a whisper. How long had he endured the gnawing hunger, the harsh elements, the constant sting of disrespect? How long had his toil, sweat, and blood lined Harmswid's coffers and fueled the count's ambitions?
The answers were a leaden weight upon his soul. For over a decade, possibly multiple decades, he had been nothing but a tool, a beast of burden for a man consumed by greed and indifferent to the plight of anyone but his coffers. He had endured it all with stoic obedience, believing that loyalty and hard work would be their own reward.
But now, lying in a headless count's bed, surrounded by stolen riches, Shaw's perspective was shifting. A lifetime of servitude felt like a cruel joke, a mockery of the dreams he'd once held as a boy. The dreams of honor, of a life worth living... dreams Harmswid and his kind carelessly trampled underfoot.
The warmth of the furs seeped into Shaw's weary bones, a delicious lethargy settling over him. As he sank deeper into the cushions, he closed his eyes and made a silent vow: never again would he sweat and strain for another silver-spooned fop. He had played the loyal dog for long enough, and hid reward was always blood and nightmares.
But now… Now he had a dead man's riches.
Now he was done with servitude. He would complete this one final task, this errand for the 'Duchess', and then...then he would disappear. Vanish into the anonymity of the wider world and start anew.
His thoughts turned to the multitude of possibilities. Perhaps he could turn his hand to banditry. With his experience and a few like-minded men, he could strike at supply caravans, prey on those very merchants and nobles who had grown fat on the labor of the common folk. A dark smile played on his lips. There was a certain poetic justice to the idea.
Or maybe, with the gold he was about to liberate, he could assemble a mercenary company. He knew war, and there was always war to be fought somewhere for the right price. He was never one for righteousness or justice. He was more of a… convenience and practicality kind of man… and with enough coin, he might even earn a reputation and perhaps become someone to be reckoned with.
He glanced around the tent, spotting goblets and locked cabinets. There was more to be had here, a fortune that could well and truly set him on his path. But first… he’d like to take a quick rest. Just five minutes of blissful oblivion before he tackled the practical matters of his escape.
With a sigh that was half exhaustion and half contentment, Shaw closed his eyes. His chaotic mind began to drift, and the cares of the day seemed to dissolve in the soft warmth… However, Sleep came for Shaw like a thief in the night. The soft embrace of the furs had been a trap. He had meant only to rest his eyes for a mere moment and gather his thoughts, but instead, he was plunged into a deep, dreamless slumber.
Shaw threw himself forward as he woke up with a start. He found himself disoriented as he peered around, trying to make sense of his surroundings, and flailed forward as if the plush piles of fur stung. How long had he slept? Had the camp already left?
Panic flared within the knight captain as he rose to his feet. “Curse it all!” A scream left the man’s mouth as he burst from the tent like a bat out of hell. With a thumping heart, Shaw’s head snapped from side to side, scanning the scene before him. And what he saw made his blood run cold.
The encampment was gone. The tents, the wagons, the milling soldiers and servants – all vanished. Only the churned-up earth and trampled grass remained as evidence of the recent whirlwind of activity.
A wave of despair threatened to overwhelm Shaw. Had he slept for Half an hour? An hour? Half a day? How could he have been so foolish, so carelessly indulgent? For a moment, he stood rooted to the spot, his mind a whirlwind of paranoid thoughts and fear, until a somewhat familiar voice spoke up.
“Capt’n?”
The voice cut through Shaw's despair like a knife. He whirled around, his hand going instinctively to the empty space where his sword should have been. For a heart-stopping moment, he feared it was some ambush, some cruel trick of fate.
But when his eyes focused, he saw the young knight, the one he'd berated so harshly earlier. The lad sat nervously atop a war worg, the creature was a strange blend of a wolf with a hyena-like head. Easily reaching the size of a beast of a horse, it wore a muscular build, and its fur was a mottled gray and brown while its long, thick tail trailed behind it, occasionally smacking the ground with a powerful swat.
Despite its fearsome appearance, the young knight seemed to handle the creature with ease. He sat confidently in the saddle, his hand rubbing the side of the warg's thick neck. The beast itself seemed more curious than anything else, its gaze fixed on Shaw with an intelligent glint in its red eyes.
Most importantly, the reins to another warg were nestled within the lad's other hand. Taking a cautious step forward, the young man extended his free hand, the reins of the spare warg dangling harmlessly. "S-sir..." he started, his voice strained with trepidation. "The Lieutenant thought you m-might need... a steed..." He swallowed hard, “And… well, the camp had traveled quite a ways by now…”
His words seemed to hang awkwardly in the air. Shaw glowered at him, his gaze shifting to the monstrosity at his side, then back again. The young knight braced himself instinctively, expecting another outburst.
However, Shaw remained silent, albeit for an uncomfortably long moment. The air filled with the unspoken tension of their last encounter as the knight captain glared at the young man. Inside, Shaw was warring with himself. "What's yer name, boy?" He spoke with a less accusatory and more resigned tone as he approached and took the reigns of the free worg.
The young knight blinked, startled out of his fearful hunch. While still gruff, Shaw's change in demeanor caught him off guard. He'd half-expected another paranoid tirade accusing him of insubordination or mockery. Instead, he was being addressed, if not with respect, at least with something resembling acknowledgment.
"Hugh, sir." He straightened slightly in the saddle, his voice gaining a touch more confidence. "Hugh of Arling,"
Shaw grunted, a hint of a skeptical smile playing about his lips. "Of Arling, eh? Sounds fancy." He paused as if considering something, then nodded. "Well, Hugh of Arling, you’ve done right by me. But you’re still a bushy-eyed and insufferable shit."
Hugh’s eye twitched at the insult. He opened his mouth to protest, to ask for some justification behind such a harsh label, but a wiser instinct held his tongue. Arguing with the knight captain, while slightly less volatile at the moment, was a surefire way to end up back on the receiving end of his temper.
Before Hugh could respond, Shaw had turned his attention back to the warg beside him. He ran a hand over its coarse fur, studying the creature with a critical eye.
"Never liked these damned beasts," he muttered, his frown deepening. "Sooner to bite yer head off than carry ye reliably."
With a sigh, Shaw moved around his mount and saw two saddlebags and a visibly empty wooden framed burlap sack attached snuggly to the creature's rear. A flash of realization crossed Shaw's face as a cunning glint entered his eyes. "Stay here, boy!" the knight captain barked as newfound energy filled his voice. "Keep the worg steady!"
Before Hugh could fully process the order, Shaw was already darting back into the tent with the empty saddlebags and framed burlap sack in hand. Hugh stared, open-mouthed, as a cacophony of sounds erupted from within. Items clattered against the ground, muffled curses echoed out, and a bout of manic laughter sent shivers down Hugh's spine.
For his life, Hugh couldn’t understand what the captain was doing in the name of all that was holy. This was the Count's tent… was he doing what he thought he was doing? Questions swirled in Hugh's mind, and his worry grew with each passing moment. If he was… then if Wyvern Commander Eira ever found out… Gods, he would be complicit just for standing here, and there would be no saving them from a fiery end if they weren’t fed outright to that beast.
Minutes stretched into eternity. Hugh shifted nervously in his saddle. The worg beneath him whined, sensing his anxiety, and the young knight ran a soothing hand over its coarse fur, trying to calm both the beast and himself.
Just when his nerves were about to fray completely, Shaw burst forth from the tent, his arms laden with the saddlebags and the burlap sack, now bulging at the seams with a mysterious load.
A manic smile crossed the knight captain's face. "Hugh!" Shaw shouted, his voice hoarse with excitement. "Help me remount this, will you? We need to make haste!"
Completely bewildered, Hugh couldn’t help but blink, "Sir, I... I don't understand... what..." He stammered.
"No time for questions, boy!" Shaw snapped, his impatience clear. He shoved the saddlebags into Hugh's hands. "Just do as you're told!”
Hugh held his tongue, swallowing back the torrent of questions swirling in his mind. The captain's erratic behavior, the manic glint in his eyes... there was no point in arguing. All he could do was follow orders, hold his tongue and hope word doesn’t make it to Commander Eira.
It didn’t take long for the two to secure the saddlebags nad make their out of the camp. Their beasts snorted and dug their claws into the ground, tearing down the eastern road at a breakneck pace. Each jarring step causes metallic clinks to echo through the air and shimmers of light to leak out of the bulging bags. Riding close behind the captain, Hugh caught a glimpse of the source – golden goblets and other wares spilling out from a tear, their brilliance amplified by a faint, otherworldly glow.
There was no mistaking it; Shaw had robbed the long-expired count’s tent, an act of greed and treason that could bring the wrath of the realm down upon them. Especially when he saw the bulging framed burlap sack secured just behind Shaw. It shifted precariously, threatening to spill its contents at any moment. Within its depths, something protruded – a dark, ovoid shape, smooth and almost obsidian in its blackness. Hugh squinted, hoping and praying to every god in every pantheon that it was not what he thought it was, or else Eira would forsake the Empire to hunt them down.
The two rode hard as the sun dipped below the horizon, painting the sky with streaks of gold and crimson. The worgs powerful strides ate up the miles until they soon saw the faint outlines of carriages, horses, and other war beasts, and relief washed over Shaw like a cool balm.
"Hail!" Shaw boomed, raising an arm in greeting as two grizzled riders approached from the rear of the convoy. Mounted on war horses, they cut a less terrifying figure than his worg, but their armor gleamed with hard-won practicality.
The guards stiffened upon seeing him, eyes widening in surprise. "Captain Shaw?" one of them exclaimed. "We thought you’d be at the head of the caravan!”
A mask of nonchalance settled over Shaw’s features. "I was… delayed.” He replied in a casual voice. "But all's well now."
"Well, sir, it's good to see you–" the other guard started, but Shaw cut him off with a raised hand.
"And while ye lot left me," he growled scornfully before gesturing towards Hugh, "Hugh of Arling showed spirit and loyalty by remaining with a spare mount." Shaw begrudgingly spoke approval of the young man.
His men remained silent and cringed under their knight captain's glare. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Shaw threw himself off his mount and moved to unbuckle the luggage to the rear of his work. "Now…" he said, lifting up the framed sack gently and bringing it to the rearmost carriage, "what's the news? Any trouble on the road?"
Shaw carefully nestled the burlap sack between furs, extra weapons, and what appeared to be the cart driver's meager personal effects. There, hidden amongst the mundane, its sinister contents would hopefully remain undiscovered. Satisfied that his most dangerous cargo was secured, he returned to his worg, where the saddlebags bulged with their promise of stolen riches.
“A few highwaymen were foolish enough to think us a merchant caravan, Captain," one of the guards answered, his voice weary. "There were a few small bands of highwaymen, nothing the vanguard couldn't handle. Too bold for their own good."
"Morale?" Shaw pressed. This was the key, the weakness he could exploit.
"The lesser mages are spent," the other guard replied. "The lack of sleep is starting to get to people. And with the fate of the count…" he trailed off, his face clouding over with uncertainty.
Shaw nodded. The count's death had undoubtedly shaken them. Loyalty was a fickle thing and only reliable when reinforced by wealth and authority. Both were now in question. “Provide them with extra rations and wine–”
Just as he ordered, a deafening explosion kicked up earth and debris further ahead of Shaw. Even from a distance, the shockwave shook Shaw’s very bone. Dust filled the air, mingling with panicked shouts and the maddened cries of beasts.
His first instinct was to glance upwards, searching the twilight for the telltale silhouettes of wyverns. But the sky above remained clear. “Eira ain’t attackin’ us… Then who!?”. Shaw’s eyes darted across the caravan, trying to pinpoint the source of the attack.
More blasts erupted, tearing through the heart of the convoy, but this time, the explosions were followed by strange sounds… An unending series of echoing cracks and snaps in a staccato rhythm, like a thousand angry hornets beating their wings in unison.

If you'd like to read unreleased chapters and drafts, head on over to my Patreon
You can find the art of the characters Here
Join our Tactical Operations Center on Discord: https://discord.gg/qDnQfg4EX3
[First] [Previous] [Next]

At one point I was thinking about the timeline of FNaF, and decided to write out every concrete date we have. The dates we know for certain are:

• Game & Novel Events
  • 1983 - Freddy's Opens and the Bite of '83 (Confirmed in the Steel Wool games and the presence of Freddy's characters in the FNaF 4 minigames)
  • Monday, October 31st, 1983 - Charlie's death (Confirmed in the novels)
  • Wednesday, June 26th, 1985 - MCI (Confirmed in the FNaF 1 newspapers, novels and Fazbear Frights)
  • Sunday, November 8th, 1987, through Friday, November 13th, 1987 - FNaF 2 Nights and Phone Calls (Confirmed in the FNaF 2 Paychecks)
  • November 8th through November 14th - FNaF 1 Nights and Custom Night (Confirmed in the FNaF 1 Paychecks)
• Novel Only Events
  • July of 1985 - Henry Commits Die
  • June of 1995 - The Silver Eyes
  • October of 1996 - The Twisted Ones
  • Post-Easter Sunday of 1997 - The Fourth Closet

And doing this made me realize something. With the number of dates we have, a lot of people are just guessing instead of working around them. Most notably, the reuse of certain weekdays/months can help us understand dates that aren't confirmed. For example:

• Due to the Spring Bonnie costume being moved in the FNaF 3 Night 5 Phone Call (AKA Phone Guy's 4th call) and Spring Bonnie being used for at least the MCI, we can safely place Phone Guy's FNaF 3 calls from Sunday, June 23rd, 1985, through Thursday, June 27th, 1985. Since Phone Guy brings up the Springlock Failure on Tuesday, this means the Bite of '83 can't have been the springlock failure he mentions on Call 3.
• Since the newspaper clippings in FNaF 1 are after the MCI and appear to be the same front page, this means that not all of them happen on the same day. The "Kids vanish at local pizzeria – bodies not found." page is likely on Thursday, June 27th, 1985, after at least the first two MCI victims have been killed. The "Five children now reported missing. Suspect convicted." page is likely on Friday, June 28th, 1985, after the incident has been more thoroughly investigated. The "Local pizzeria threatened with shutdown over sanitation." page is likely on Saturday, June 29th, 1985, after the bodies have begun to decompose. Notably, the "Local pizzeria said to close by years end." page seems to be well after June of 1985 since the MCI is referred to as "many years ago", so it's unlikely it takes place at the same time as the other three.
• Since both FNaF 1 and FNaF 2 have inconsistencies with it being a "summer" job (FNaF 1 on the Steam Page and FNaF 2 in the Night 1 Phone Call), it's implied that the job listing hasn't been updated since the MCI.
• Phone Guy repeatedly mentions a "previous employee" who took the night shift before we did, who was likely William Afton using a fake name, which means that he had worked from Sunday, October 25th, 1987, through Friday, October 30th, 1987. After this he moves to the dayshift and begins tampering with the animatronics. Since the MCI in the 1985 location happened on a Wednesday, this implies that the DCI also happens on a Wednesday. This, combined with the investigation into Freddy's happening on Night 4 of FNaF 2, implies that the DCI happened on Wednesday, November 11th, 1987.
• Due to the "Freddy Fazbear's is Closing" page seen after Night 6 of FNaF 2 and the Night 7 Guard being a different person, it's likely the Bite of '87 happened on Saturday, November 14th, 1987.
• Since FNaF 2 shows Fazbear Entertainment pays its employees on Thursdays, this means FNaF 1 has to take place in a year where November 12th is a Thursday. As such, the possible dates it could be are 1992, 1998, 2009, and 2015. Since 2009 and 2015 are well after most depictions of the FNaF 1 location and 1998 is after the Security Guard Faz-Fact date of 1988-1993, we can conclude that FNaF 1 has to take place in 1992. To add onto this, a code in the Survival Logbook involving coupons further implies the year 1992 due to calculations involving pricing and inflation. Related to this, Phone Guy is stated to be finishing his last week during the FNaF 1 Phone Calls, and since Mike arrives to take his place immediately after, it's safe to say that the Phone Calls take place from Sunday, November 1st, 1992, through Thursday, November 5th, 1992.
• Due to Phone Guy's Night 1 Phone Call from FNaF 1 playing in the background during FNaF 4 and a number of other similarities, it's safe to say that FNaF 4 takes place during FNaF 1, with Nightmare Night being before just before FNaF 1 Custom Night. The reason for this is that, if Mike is working the Night Shift, he would need to be asleep during the day to make up for it and be ready for his workday.
• Sister Location is stated to take place after a Freddy's location has closed its doors, placing either post-MCI, post-FNaF 2, or post-FNaF 1. However, since HandUnit says the Freddy's that closed was a successful one, it can't be post-FNaF 2 as the location was only open for a few weeks. It also can't be before FNaF 3 because Mike would have no reason to go to Fazbear Frights. Lastly, Elizabeth in the novels dies after Charlie, so her death would have to be before 1987. This implies that the events of the game take place post-FNaF 1, while Elizabeth's death takes place post-MCI and pre-FNaF 2. Notice that earlier when talking about FNaF 2 that I said William didn't work on October 31st, 1987. That is because, given the previous evidence, he was implied to be at the opening of Circus Baby's Pizza World witnessing Elizabeth's death. This event is what leads him to perform the DCI to gain Remnant now that Circus Baby's is out of commission.
• The Immortal and the Restless cutscenes are pretty self-explanatory, taking place after each night of Sister Location. Similarly, the Sister Location cutscenes take place the week after Sister Location. Lastly, the Elizabeth voice lines after each night take place in the week leading up to her death.
• This is where things get a bit controversial. The Silver Eyes takes place over Five Nights (as in the title), and since Charlie is in town for the 10th anniversary of the MCI, this means the book takes place from Monday, June 26th, 1995, through Friday, June 30th, 1995. In the book, we see Charlie springlock William as revenge for his crimes while the other animatronics drag him to the Safe Room. While it isn't 1-1, a similar thing happens in the Follow Me minigames, where on Night 5 all the spirits lead William into the Safe Room and springlock him as revenge for his crimes. Phone Guy also states that "If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath, I’d probably be a bit irritable at night too", which could relate to the predicament William Afton found himself in after Follow Me. This implies that the events of The Silver Eyes happen at the same time as Follow Me in the game continuity, which is why they had to be separated in the first place.
• Relating to the above point, both The Silver Eyes and Sister Location take place over the course of 5 nights and both involve the older brother of one of the dead children being trapped in a Springlock Suit on Night 4. Similarly, both Follow Me and Sister Location end with a man identified by a purple sprite being killed by the victims of the MCI (or maybe DCI for Sister Location). This implies that Sister Location and Follow Me also happen at the same time, and the reason Mike couldn't find his father was because he was springlocked in the back room at Freddy's.
• Since FNaF 3 is stated to be 30 years after a Freddy's location closed its doors, this means that it is in either 2015, 2017, or 2022. Since the game is released in 2015 and the Survival Logbook's previous coupon code matches that date if adjusted for inflation, FNaF 3 takes place in 2015. Due to the date of the MCI already being mentioned and work weeks in the games usually starting on Sunday, this means FNaF 3 takes place from June 21st, 2015, through June 26th, 2015 (after which it burns down). On a related note, the last night of Pizzeria Simulator is stated to be a Saturday, and since the game has a lot of relation to the Afton and Emily families, it's likely that it takes place on the day Charlie and Elizabeth died (October 31st). This implies that the game takes place from Monday, October 25th, 2015, through Saturday, October 31st, 2015.
• You may have noticed that Sister Location is the only game that doesn't start its work week on Sunday, instead beginning on Monday. That is because FNaF World takes place during this day, as implied by the lack of Funtime and Scrap animatronics. After this, the minigames from FNaF 3 are set up and Mike goes to the Sister Location bunker at the behest of his father. Ultimate Custom Night, however, has no set date because it is seemingly a time loop, an endless cycle of suffering endured by whoever you believe the player to be. Happiest Day only occurs after Ultimate Custom Night ends, but just as the Vengeful Spirit says, they will never happen.
• Now that we've covered the major events, let's get to the main course: The minigames. Considering the above evidence, Take Cake to the Children and Security Puppet take place on Monday, October 31st, 1983, Fruity Maze takes place on Wednesday, June 26th, 1985, and Circus Baby's Minigame takes place on Saturday, October 31st, 1987. Foxy Go!Go!Go! and Give Gifts, Give Life likely take place either on the same day as Fruity Maze or the day after on Thursday, June 27th, 1985, though the more likely option is the latter due to cluttering the number of events. The main FNaF 3 minigames besides Happiest Day take place during the events of FNaF 3, since Mike is the one setting them up. That only leaves the FNaF 4 minigames and Midnight Motorist. Due to Midnight Motorist being labeled "later that night" in the code, the rain texture being the same as Security Puppet, and the player driving a purple car, it's likely the minigame takes place the night of Charlie's murder. Since Elizabeth's death, the Bite of '87, and Pizzeria Simulator put a lot of emphasis on "parties on Saturday", it's likely they are calling back to the Bite of '83. Since William "should" have a motive to kill Charlie, this places the FNaF 4 minigames from Monday, October 24th, 1983, through Sunday, October 30th, 1983. This places the Bite of '83 on a Saturday, just like the Bite of '87.
• One last thing of note: Though the year she describes is inconsistent due to Book Charlie being a replica and not the real Charlie, she is born on Tuesday, May 13th, 1980, and dies at the age of 4. Similarly, the date of Fredbear's opening has also been inconsistent, ranging from 1979 to 1982 depending on the media. This seems to imply (to me at least) that Charlie's birthday is the same day Fredbear's opens. Also, since Elizabeth dies four years later on the same day as Charlie, it's likely the same is true for Elizabeth's birthday and the founding of Freddy's. Lastly, to me at least, Michael's birthday being the same day as Bite Victim would give him a motive to bully him and cause the Bite. Considering both Charlie and Elizabeth were four when they died, it's likely that Bite Victim's birthday is Wednesday, October 29th, 1980, with Michael being born on the same day in 1970 to allow him to be old enough to work at the FNaF 2 location as Fritz Smith. gives an exact date for almost any remaining dates missing.

Now that we've covered every possible point from the Clickteam games, let's take this information and form a timeline. Please note that not all of the specifics will be agreed upon, but I believe the general dates are correct.

• Thursday, October 29th, 1970 - Michael Afton (Mike) is born, William Afton and Henry Emily found Fazbear Entertainment.
• Tuesday, May 13th, 1980 - Charlotte Emily (Charlie) is born. Henry and William open Fredbear's Family Diner. In the diner are two animatronics, Fredbear and Spring Bonnie, who can be used as animatronics or worn as suits through the use of springlocks.
• Wednesday, October 29th, 1980 - Bite Victim (CC) is born, and Fredbear's is a massive success. Fazbear Entertainment is large enough to have plushies, action figures, build-your-own-robot toys, a Spring Bonnie finger trap, and even a TV Show called Fredbear & Friends.
• Friday, May 13th, 1983 - Elizabeth Afton (Abby) is born, Henry opens Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. In the Pizzeria are four animatronics (Freddy, Bonnie, Chica, and Foxy), who originated from Fredbear & Friends and don't feature the springlocks found in Fredbear and Spring Bonnie.
• Monday, October 24th, 1983, through Sunday, October 30th, 1983 - Mike torments his younger brother in the week leading up to their birthday while their father watches from afar using cameras and a Fredbear plush with a walkie talkie. The day of the party, Mike and his friends accidentally cause the Bite of '83 through a prank gone wrong, and he dies the following day with both Mike and William speaking to him on his deathbed. The Bite Victim possesses the Fredbear plush, but Mike locks it in a toy chest along with all his other toys so they don't have to think about him. While Mike and William are talking to CC, Fredbear's closes down, the suits are moved to Freddy's, and Fredbear is rebranded to Golden Freddy and given black accessories to replace the original purple accessories.
• Monday, October 31st, 1983 - William gets Henry to watch Mike so he can go to a nearby bar to drink his problems away. After being kicked out for getting too drunk, William drives to Freddy's in a drunken rage. William sees Charlie locked outside by a bunch of bullies and kills her, leaving her body outside by the dumpsters. The Security Puppet animatronic, designed to keep children safe after the accident at Fredbear's caused it to shut down, follows Charlie outside and deactivates while clutching her in its arms. This causes Charlie to possess the Security Puppet. When William gets home, Henry tells him to leave Mike be, but he refuses. He knocks on the locked door before checking the window outside. He remarks that he's run off to "that place", meaning where Mike buried the toy chest in the woods, and vows that Mike will be sorry when he returns.
• Sunday, June 23rd, 1985, through Saturday, June 29th, 1985 - Fazbear Entertainment hires Phone Guy to record safety tapes for the springlock suits used at Freddy's. On Tuesday, an incident involving multiple simultaneous springlock failures (the origins of Shadow Freddy and Shadow Bonnie) causes wearing the suits to be banned. On Wednesday, William dons Spring Bonnie out of spite and lures two children, Susie and Jeremy, to the back room of Freddy's where the springlock suits were being stored and kills them. On Thursday, William kidnaps three more children (Gabriel, Fritz, and Cassidy) and brings them to Freddy's to kill them. He kills the first two the same way as before but has a "special gift" for the third one. He stuffs them into the Golden Freddy suit, then allows their crying and screaming to trigger the springlocks, causing yet another springlock failure. Once he leaves, the Puppet (AKA Charlie), takes action and stuffs the bodies of the other four children into the suits in hopes of bringing them to life the same way she was. This leads to Susie possessing Chica, Jeremy possessing Bonnie, Gabriel possessing Freddy, and Fritz possessing Foxy. Cassidy, however, had already been strong enough to possess Golden Freddy herself due to the agony of the springlock failure. On Friday, the police investigate Freddy's and find the Golden Freddy suit laying in a pile of blood, leading Fazbear Entertainment to seal the room the suits were being kept in. William frames Henry for the incident, causing him to go to prison for a crime he didn't commit and giving sole ownership of Fazbear Entertainment to Afton Robotics. However, the dead bodies being kept inside the other four suits began to leak blood and emit a foul odor, eventually leading the restaurant to be shut down due to sanitation violations.
• Sunday, October 25th, 1987, through Saturday, October 31st, 1987 - Now with total control, William opens a new Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. The new restaurant used new models called the Toy animatronics, due to being based on various toys manufactured by Fazbear Entertainment. The initial plan was to reuse the original suits, but due to the bodies inside, William instead re-uses their parts for the new line of animatronics. This transfers the Remnant of the original animatronics to the new animatronics. While this was occurring, he also began work on opening a new location, Circus Baby's Pizza World, with more humanoid animatronics in the form of Baby & the Bidybabs, Ballora & the Minireenas, BB, and JJ. The location also had two additional animatronics, Funtime Freddy with his hand-puppet Bon Bon, and Funtime Foxy. The animatronics at Circus Baby's were built for the purpose of gaining more Remnant and were programmed to lure, capture, and kill children. Abby, however, developed an obsession with wanting to see Circus Baby. Starting on Tuesday, she begins begging her dad every day to play with Circus Baby. William, obviously not wanting one of his own kids to die again, refuses. On Saturday, however, Abby manages to escape William's view and see Circus Baby, leading to the animatronic doing as it was programmed: killing Abby and extracting her Remnant. William, distraught by the loss of yet another child, cancels the opening of Circus Baby's due to "gas leaks" and retires the animatronics to a storage facility underneath his house. However, BB, JJ, and Funtime Foxy were moved to Freddy's instead.
• Sunday, November 1st, 1987, through Saturday, November 14th, 1987 - William, now robbed of the location he had planned to use for testing, gets a job as a night guard at Freddy's under the fake name "Dave Miller" to obverse the location. At first things seem to be going smoothly, but the animatronics quickly recognize him and attempt to kill him repeatedly throughout his work week. By Saturday, November 7th, he contacts the restaurant as "Dave Miller" and reports the behavior of the animatronics, which leads to him being moved to the day shift and a new employee named Jeremy Fitzgerald (one of Mike's childhood friends) taking his place. During Jeremy's work week, Phone Guy calls him each night to update him on current events and guide him through his shift. William, still needing Remnant, uses his position as a day guard to kill five more unnamed children. This causes the animatronics to become even more aggressive and leads to "Dave Miller" being fired by the company. However, since William still owned the building, he closes the location publicly. However, he allows one family to have a birthday party on Saturday and sets up Jeremy as the day guard. The animatronics (likely Toy Chica), believing him to be William, cause the Bite of '87 and leave Jeremy without a frontal lobe. Following this, the location shuts down for good and William sends Mike under the fake name "Fritz Smith" to dismantle the animatronics and return them to him. He uses the parts he has to repair the original animatronics and re-open the original Freddy's location to very limited success. He also injects the Remnant from the Toy animatronics into the Funtimes and repairs Funtime Foxy (who had been torn apart by toddlers while he was there and become Mangle), making them more hostile than before.
• Sunday, November 1st, 1992, through Saturday, November 14th, 1992 - While the Phone Guy had managed to work as a night guard at the FNaF 1 location for a very long time, he eventually got old enough to retire on his last work week in November. As such, he begins to record a set of training tapes for the next in line for the job after him. Things go smoothly the first three nights, but on Wednesday the animatronics finally get the better of him. They kill him and stuff him in a Freddy suit in the back room. This gives William an idea. From November 7th to November 14th, he performs experiments on Mike by poisoning his room with fear gas during the day, leading him to have horrific nightmares of the Freddy's animatronics. During the night, he sends Mike to work at Freddy's again as a night guard under the last name "Schmidt". On Saturday, however, Mike listens to the tapes Phone Guy left and checks inside the animatronics, leading him to discover what his father had done. This leads to William "firing" Mike and to the experiments worsening over the next few years. After a while, Mike's fear of the experiments leads to him becoming completely subservient to William and wanting nothing more than to please him.
• Sunday, June 25th, 1995 - FNaF World...happens. It's hard to explain exactly WHAT happens since the game is built on metaphors and double meanings, but its events are important because they set up the events of FNaF 3, Pizzeria Simulator, and Ultimate Custom Night. All that we know for certain is that Mike opens the box (as seen in the game's files), he remembers everything that happened, and he is tasked with putting the pieces in place to help his younger brother. Could it be a dream, altered by the spirit of CC, the fear gas, or something else? Could it be an in-universe game he played that was kept in the box with the other toys, explaining the repeated use of Atari imagery in cutscenes and minigames? Or could it just be something silly Scott wanted to make used to represent Mike and CC's memories of the past? I have no clue, and I don't think anyone else truly does either, so I'll just say it happened and leave it at that. Although, something important to know for later is that Old Man Consequences in FNaF World is used to represent Henry, given their similar speech patterns and his cutscene in UCN.
• Monday, June 26th, 1995, through Friday, June 30th, 1995 - William, running low on Remnant after experimenting on the Funtimes, returns to Freddy's to extract more Remnant from the original animatronics now that the location has closed. He lures them into the same back room he killed the children in and dismantles them one-by-one. While he's there, he sends Mike to the underground storage facility, now named Circus Baby's Entertainment and Rentals, to "put his sister back together". On Thursday, the animatronics kidnap Mike and place him in a springlock suit, forcing him to watch Ballora be injected with the Remnant of the original animatronics before allowing him to leave. On Friday, however, both Mike and William run out of luck. The animatronics at Circus Baby's tear themselves apart and join together to form Ennard, who tricks Mike into following them into the Scooping Room. The Scooper tears out his insides and allows Ennard to use him as a skin suit. While this is occurring, the ghosts of the children from the MCI take form before William and frighten him. In response, he remembers how wearing an animatronic mask confused them, so he wears the Spring Bonnie suit in hopes it'll make them leave. However, the general lack of maintenance and the wet surroundings lead to him experiencing a springlock failure first-hand. He dies a karmic death, but the agony of the springlock failure leads to him possessing the suit and becoming Springtrap.
• Saturday, July 1st, 1995, through Saturday, July 8th, 1995 - In the week following Mike's death, Ennard uses his body for a while to attempt to fit in with the other people in town. However, they didn't account for Mike's body decomposing due to exposure to air and sunlight. By Friday, they decide to abandon ship and vomit themselves out of Mike's corpse, leading him to collapse. However, the Scooper also injected Mike with Remnant, allowing him to reanimate himself and regain consciousness. This leads to Saturday, July 8th, where Mike laments his life and vows to find his father and get revenge for all the damage he's caused. While this is happening, Ennard is beginning to fall apart. The majority (Funtime Freddy, Funtime Foxy, and Ballora) eject Circus Baby's parts from their body, leading to Circus Baby having to put herself back together in more ways than one and becoming Scrap Baby. However, this causes their Remnant to destabilize and become molten hot, leading to their form melting into an amorphous pile of Remnant and animatronic parts called Molten Freddy.
• Sunday, June 21st, 2015, through Friday, June 26th, 2015 - 30 years after the MCI at Fredy's and 20 years after the events at Circus Baby's Entertainment and Rental, a horror attraction called Fazbear's Fright opens. Mike, seeing this as an opportunity to find his father, again applies for a job as a night guard and works there for 6 days. On Sunday, he has no luck and just sits in an empty office. He writes in the Logbook given to him by Phone Dude, the owner of the attraction, and notices two spirits communicating in the book. He remembers the events of FNaF World and uses this opportunity to pick up the pieces left for him and free the souls of the children. On Monday, however, Phone Dude has "great" news for him. He found Springtrap (AKA his father) in the backroom of Freddy's and is using him for the attraction. He also found the first set of training tapes Phone Guy recorded and plays them for the rest of Mike's work week. Over the course of the week, he communicates with the spirits in the Logbook, sets up their "Happiest Day", and defends against his father's attempts to kill him all while dealing with faulty equipment and Remnant-based hallucinations. On Friday, after he's certain the pieces are in place and has learned who the people communicating in the Logbook are (CC for certain, but the other could be either Cassidy or Charlie depending on how you look at it), he burns the attraction to the ground with both of them inside. However, William escapes, leading Mike to return once again and give chase. The Puppet, who had been at the location alongside Mike since it opened, also follows suit.
• Sunday, October 25th, 2015, through Saturday, October 31st, 2015 - Henry is released from prison on Sunday after the police in town investigate the animatronics roaming the streets and discover Circus Baby's, proving he was innocent all along. After leaving, he comes up with a plan. He reuses a bunch of older animatronics from before Fredbear's opened and repurposes one named Carnie into LEFTE, who he uses to capture the Puppet. He also builds a fake pizzeria above ground, with an elaborate labyrinth of vents with a large empty room in the middle below ground. He hires a new manager for the location, and tasks them with salvaging any animatronics found in the underground room. After the manager leaves, they will seal the room behind them. Afterwards, once all the animatronic menaces lurking around are inside, he will burn the location to the ground with no chance of escape for anyone but the manager (including himself). However, something unexpected happens. Instead of some rando getting the job, William's son Mike takes the position instead. He follows Henry's instructions perfectly until Saturday, when Henry's plan has come to fruition and the location begins to catch fire. However, Henry knew that Mike was exactly where he wanted to be, and that he wouldn't use the escape Henry left for him. He gives one final speech as they all burn together.
• Post-October 31st, 2015 - This one will also be a bit controversial. After the smoke clears, all the souls still present are freed from their animatronic prisons and allowed to move on. That is, all except for two. William was still undeterred and was attempting to possess another vessel, and Mike still wanted to make his father suffer how he had suffered. So, using the Remnant of the other spirits, he drags William into a coma. A dream he will never awaken from where he experiences what Mike went through and is taunted by the children he killed over, and over, and over. Henry (through Old Man Consequences) tries to reason with him, urging him to let William burn in Hell and allow Happiest Day to come to fruition. But Mike won't let that happen. He will hold him there. He will keep him there. No matter how many times they're burned.

And that's it. This post took me all day writing out and double-checking to make sure I didn't get anything incorrect, but I'm sure there are a few typos or inconsistencies and that there are pieces of information I've missed. After all, no one knows all the answers about FNaF except Scott himself, and even Scott makes mistakes. But I feel confident in this and hope that it leaves some sort of impact.

So I absolutely loved Feyre's character from the first chapter, well written, slightly original, but what the hell happened?
First this weird demon thing busts down their door, and basically says; 'You killed my friend! I can either kill you right now or you can come live in my luxury palace for free and do nothing' And her family just gives her away.
Then I loved the description of the palace, Lucien's character is great, but then the fact that this romance blossoms from. No where. Tamlin and Feyre just 'fAlL iN lOvE'.
I hate it.
But I love how she goes home and rebuilds her relationship with her family, they finally seem happy and she sorta does too. But then she returns.
🤦‍♀
And she magically finds Amarantha and she gives her the fairy tale spiel of 'Answer this riddle or complete three trials and I'll release your lover', and the illiterate, adrenaline hungry idiot Feyre has become, agrees.
She completes all three trials after making a deal with a bat to spend one week with him every month in order to heal her arm, and gets a fancy tattoo, even getting painted and dressed up every night for a 3 month fae wine bender (all the things she was told NOT to do), and oh no! She had to stab her lover to free him. But guess what? He has no heart! So he lives.
Then the queen is like, 'Nuh uh' and breaks every. Bone. In. Feyre's. Body.
But wait! In her dying breath, she answers the riddle, and her boyfriend kills the evil Queen, and somehow all of the high Lords bring her back to life as a cute little faerie for a happy ever after!!
Please tell me ACOMAF is a lot better..

The clips of the Starcruiser app in Jenny's recent star wars hotel video actually reminded me of an "immersive" app from a 2022 Batman experience from Spyscape (they randomly asked people to free trial it, so I brought some friends to try it with me). I'm noticing that a lot of recent immersive experiences have been moving away from the KP World showcase model of giving you something that you return and instead rely on you to use an app on your actual personal phone. So many of them theoretically send out real-time messages from "characters" or rely on you to scan/go to a location/whatever other fancy thing their mobile app devs can get via an API. Because of that, they can usually never actually interact with any practical effects or live actors. And there's always a sacrificial lamb player because app networking is finnicky. I love to stare at the cavernous gap between potential and actual functionality. My impression is that doing it this way makes development easier (can be remote!) and cheaper.
Disney might've made the Starcruiser app internally, but it's so similar to the Batman one and other ones I've seen that I'm wondering if anyone knows if there's some third party company that gets hired to make all these? Or, if not the specific ones, does anyone know a small company/service that does specialize in conceptualizing things like these with story/narrative leads? Or is there some template/common API service that is used between a lot of those in the know in the space?
EDIT: OR if you don't know, what are your thoughts on these kinds of apps? And if you hate them wholesale, what do you wish they'd have more of / do less of?
(For context, yes, I am working a small immersive experience service project. I want to know, from both a dev perspective to iron out bugs and from a business perspective of how deals/contracts like these are ironed out. I also want to know about these trends as a person because I think it is funny and interesting.)

You guys know what an alpine coaster is? They are like a small roller coaster you find in the mountains. They are also called summer toboggans or mountain coasters and I think there’s some long German compound word they are called in parts of Europe. They are like a roller coaster, but with much smaller one or two person sleds you just sit on instead of multi-person cars you ride in, and instead of being built with like a scaffolding or a framework the tracks are just on the ground, using the elevation of the mountain. Basically it’s a coaster track on the side of a mountain where you ride a sled down.
They are pretty fun. Or at least I used to think so. They are more “personal” than roller coasters and although you get nowhere near the speed on them that you do on a good traditional roller coaster and they can’t do corkscrews or loops or anything like that the openness and simplicity of the ride gives an impression of a much greater speed. You’re just sitting there with nothing but a little plastic sled and the track between you and the ground as it goes zooming by. It’s like the difference between how fast a go-cart feels compared to how fast a sports car feels. You know the sports car goes faster but the open, simpleness of a go-cart feels a different kind of fast. There’s plenty of POV Youtube videos if you want to get the basic idea of what they are.
I used to love alpine coasters. Used to.
My family used to go to Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge and up and down the Smokey Mountains for vacations when I was a kid and they are common in that area and I’d always rode them every chance I got.
But as with so many things after I grew up and went to college they just became part of my childhood that slipped away. They aren’t exactly common once you get away from the mountains.
Until one cool spring afternoon in 2004. I was in my final year at college and I was driving back to campus in Tennessee after a short visit to my folks in North Carolina. It was only like a 4 or 5 hour drive via the most efficient route and I had no need to be back at campus early so instead of taking the freeway all the way I got off and took part of my trip through the mountains. The scenery was nicer and I admit I liked pushing my Camaro just a little faster than I should through the twisty mountain roads.
Just after lunchtime happened upon one of those little by-the-highway tourist towns deep somewhere in the Smoky Mountains near the Carolina/Tennessee border. Nothing fancy, a gas station/truck stop, a diner, a couple of places selling tourist merch nestled deep in the mountains. I pulled into the gas station. My tank was getting low and I needed to stretch my legs, maybe grab something to eat. It was still early and I only had another couple of hours. I could kill an hour or so and still make it back to campus at a decent hour.
I pulled into the gas station and was filling my tank when I happened to glance across the road and… well I’ll be damned. There it was. “The Blue Ridge Alpine Coaster.” Nestled on the side of the mountain was a building, a mockup of a red barn, where a single railed track that led up into the mountains, where it soon got lost in the greenery. Wooden hand painted standees of cartoon character bears dressed in stereotypical “Hillbilly” getup stood around, some of them holding signs showing the ride hours and ticket costs and other info. I had to admit, as silly as it was, it made me smile.I finished pumping my gas and, well, nostalgia is a helluva thing. I decided then and there I could waste a little time riding an Alpine Coaster again after all these years before getting back on the road.
I parked my car in a corner of the truck stop's parking lot, put my phone in the center console, this being the days before smart phones when people didn’t keep their phones with them 24/7 and I didn’t want my old Nokia brick phone to fall out during the ride, locked my car and walked across the mountain highway to the Alpine Coaster building.
Getting closer, the place was less inviting. The half hearted attempt at a whimsical faux-Americana kitsch was far less effective when it brushed up against the actual decaying, run down wooden building. Hell calling it a building was generous. It was a wood frame holding up a long roof that covered the area where you got on the sleds. The wood boards creaked under my footsteps.
The only real enclosed structure was a shack that held, what I assumed, was a ticket booth. A door on the side had both a single occupancy bathroom with an out of order sign on it. An old Pepsi machine buzzed and glowed next to it.
Still the place looked alive. Ahead of me a bored looking attendant was helping a mother and her young son into one of the sleds while in a bored monotone repeating the safety brief. A few people were waiting in line at the ticket booth. Up in the mountains the playful shouts of people on the ride echoed down. Fond memories of my own childhood rides flooded my mind.10 minutes and 15 dollars later I was settling into the hard plastic seat of a bright red sled sat atop a simple aluminum rail.
I couldn’t help but grin as the sled slowly climbed the track up the mountains, making click-clack ratcheting sounds that hit my nostalgia centers hard. I felt good. The air was cool and crisp and smelled of pine.Higher and higher in the mountains we went. I don’t know if this is my mind trying to make sense of it after the fact but when I remember these moments, the last good moments, I sometimes think I remember a very slight, very subtle pit of fear in my stomach. I honestly don’t know if I felt it at the time or not or it’s just how my mind tries to make sense of it looking back at.
But either way mostly I was enjoying myself. I smiled. I was a kid again. I could hear riders in front of me let out that initial yell of terrified glee you get at the first drop of any good ride.
It peaked. I glanced around. I could see for miles, rolling hills and mountains. I the sled tipped over and zoomed down the mountain and I let out the same happy yell I heard from the other passengers.The ride zoomed down the mountain, catching speed. The mountain forest floor zoomed past, only a few feet under me. Trees zoomed past. I gave out a happy whoop as the ride banked hard around a curve and then looped back under itself.Another dip, another curve. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of the G-forces pulling me every which way.
There was no one exact single moment where things started to go “wrong.” The ride kept going. And going. At this point the first creeping thought entered my head.
The ride… was still going.
It just started to hit me… this ride was going on for a really long time. I had taken a dozen rides on various coasters of this type before that day and they topped out at about 5 minutes or so, and that was the long ones. Longer than a traditional roller coaster but not that long. This one had been going on for what felt like 10, maybe even 15 minutes.
I looked back over my shoulder and could only see trees, moving too fast to really get a bearing on where I was at in relation to anything.
I wasn't exactly really worried yet. Okay so I had found a particularly long alpine coaster. At the time I wasn’t 100% wasn't sure they didn’t exist or anything like that. I was a little… unnerved but nothing was happening that was impossible. Yet.
I was trying to talk myself back into just enjoying the ride and stop overthinking it, and halfway succeeded, when out of nowhere I suddenly banked hard, the track jutting out almost over a sheer cliffside. I gripped the sled more tightly as I was whipped around. The ride then dipped hard and picked up speed, barreling down the side of the mountain.
I was pushed back against the seat by the force of the drop. Jesus I didn’t remember them being this rough. I was feeling slightly nauseous. And where had this elevation drop come from I wondered? I was still in the foothills and I didn’t remember seeing anything but gentle rolling hills and light drops from looking at the ride’s route earlier. How the ride had managed such a long, steep drop in this area I didn’t know. . For the first time I hoped that the ride would be over soon. I had no idea then how much I would want that same hope to be true so much more as time went on.
With a whiplash motion I was whipped forward and then back as the ride leveled out on flat ground again, but by this point I was going fast, too fast. My neck hurt from the mild whiplash and I felt sour in my throat and for a moment the contents of my stomach threatened to come back up. For the first, but hardly the last time the ride felt unsafe. Alpine Coasters are tame affairs, much slower and gentler than full on roller coasters but this thing was throwing me around like no thrill ride I had ever been on.
I looked around. I mean I wasn’t that deep into the woods. I should have been able to see a glimpse of something; the highway, the gas station, the tourist shops, the Alpine Coaster office, something, anything. But nothing. Just trees.
I forced back some panic for the first time. I closed my eyes and counted to ten. The ride zoomed along. I counted to 60. I counted to 60 again. And again. Okay this was getting uncomfortably harder and harder to explain.
Suddenly I noticed that up ahead the track seemed to just end, for one brief, terrible moment I thought the track just ended but I was wrong. Almost without warning the track dipped in an almost vertical drop. I almost screamed as I plummeted for 20, maybe 30 seconds before flattening out again.
By this point the voice in my head that was telling me something was wrong was louder and I could no longer tell myself it was wrong. This ride could not have been this long. I tried to make sense of it, wondering if somehow I had gotten diverted onto some kind of maintenance track or, hell for one brief irrational moment even entertaining the idea that I had wound up on an actual train track somehow. But that was absurd. The rail below me was not a train track, it was still just the simple, aluminum rail of an alpine coaster and there had been no diversions or junctions in the track. I was still on the ride, as insane as that was starting to feel. Had the ride somehow looped? Again after having the thought I immediately dismissed it as crazy. There’s no way I could have missed the ride building where I got on. And what kind of ride loops over and over?
The sled zoomed through the forest, oddly never seeming to lose speed despite the relatively flat grade of the track. I cursed myself for leaving my phone in the car and not wearing a watch. I don’t know exactly how long I had been on the ride at that point but it felt like I had been on the ride for a half hour, maybe more. But time is a funny thing when you’re in a situation you’ve never been in. Could have been more, could have been less, at that point.
My pride finally failed me. I started to scream for help. I screamed out that the ride was broken, to stop it, that I needed help. I did that for about ten minutes or so I think. The ride kept going. Mostly flat, level track with occasional mild dips and turns. But the simple length of the ride grew more and more unnerving and unexplainable.
I thought about just bailing out. But the ride, impossibly, was still not slowing down and chunks of mountain rock and thick tree trunks were all around me. Bailing out without risking smashing into a rock or a tree seemed impossible.
The ride kept going.
Up ahead the forest was clearing out some, I could see the forest brightening, more sunlight making it through the canopy.
I wasn’t prepared for what I saw.
The trees stopped and I had just enough time to take in a flat, open area of rock maybe 40, 50 yards at most before another sheer cliff. The tracks twisted and turned and then shot straight down. But that wasn’t the worst of it. For a moment, a very short moment, I had a clear view for miles and the landscape was, to be blunt, totally impossible. Any possibility that I had just stumbled on some incredibly long ride was blasted out of my head. Barren, volcanic looking rock stretched for miles. Jagged, black rocky outcroppings as far as the eye could see. I was in the goddamn Smoky Mountains. They don’t look like that.
I had a few moments for the terror of that view to settle in before the cart plunged into another horrifying drop. I gripped the handles of the cheap plastic sled until my knuckles turned white. The drop felt completely vertical, like I was falling at terminal velocity. I screamed. My stomach dropped and turned. I imagined the sled coming away from the track and me just plummeting screaming to my death on the rocks below. But somehow the ride still functioned. I closed my eyes tightly and just waited for whatever was going to happen. Eventually after several what felt like a full minute of steep plunging the track again leveled out, and I opened my eyes to see myself moving at breakneck speed over that black, rocky landscape.
Now that I was moving on a more or less flat horizontal track again I took a few deep breaths. I looked over the edge of the track. Nothing but that black, jagged rock, almost looking like obsidian, zooming past. I had no idea how fast the sled was moving now. Fast. Faster than a gravity powered sled should be moving. And the track was higher off the ground now. Alpine slides usually stick pretty close to the ground, but I was 20 feet or so in the air, the track suspended in the air, a simple metal tube tower like a power pylon every few yards.
Without any immediate threat and the sled moving fast but steadily and level I was able to think about my situation again, for all the good that did me. Ahead of me the track just continued to the horizon, nothing but the same rocky landscape as far as I could see. I craned my neck to look back over my shoulder and looked back behind me and it looked the same. Even the mountains were but distant specs on the horizon behind me.
This was insane. There’s not a giant seemingly endless field of black jagged rock in the goddamn Smoky Mountains. There’s no cliff faces tall and steep enough for a multi-minute vertical drop. And alpine coasters were small affairs, not major engineering projects that span miles with pylons and vertical tracks. It made no sense.
Sadly it wasn’t going to start making any more sense anytime soon.
The ride kept going.
I was on this rocky landscape for several hours. I feel comfortable saying this because I could actually notice the sun getting lower in the sky. And the sled wasn’t slowing down despite the grade of the track being flat. I was getting cramped from sitting and stretched my legs and twisted my back as best I could. Didn’t do much help. My eyes were starting to get irritated from the constant wind in them. Worst of all it was starting to get chilly. I only had on a light jacket, a windbreaker, just something to keep the breeze off me, no real insulation. I was cold, my joints were stiff, I was hungry and thirsty. My eyes watered and my throat was so dry it was sore.
But none of that was as bad as just how little sense this all made. There’s nothing like this place anywhere near the Smoky Mountains. This was like some volcanic rock landscape. The more I thought about it the less sense it made.
The ride kept going.
My mind didn’t even try to process this. Whatever I was experiencing simply couldn’t be possible. I was crazy. I was dreaming. The CIA had kidnapped me and dosed me with some new version of LSD and I was in a straightjacket in a padded room at Area 51.
The sled kept zooming along as the sky turned to dusk. Soon the bridge disappeared from my view and I continued on along the endless, rocky, featureless landscape.
I sat back against the sled, mentally and physically numb. I was exhausted. I was thirsty. I was cramping up. I was hungry. I had to pee. I held it for as long as I could, then had no choice but just wet myself. I cried until I had no more tears left. Then I just sat there.
The ride kept going.
By the time the sun dipped below the horizon my throat felt like sandpaper. I dug around in my jacket pockets hoping to find a stick of gum or piece of candy. Nothing. I checked again, having nothing else to do. Under a crumpled store receipt in the inner pocket of my jacket was a single old, forgotten cough drop. I unwrapped it from the paper and popped it in my mouth. Saliva flooded back into my mouth and I was overwhelmed by the methanol and medicine taste. It was something at least, although I knew it would be a brief and temporary fix at best.
I felt my eyes get heavy. It was getting colder. That mountain cold. That deep cold the mountains have even into the early spring when the sun goes down. That kind that just pulls the heat right out of you. I shivered. A terrible, horrible certainty came to me. I would ride until I passed out from exhaustion or the hypothermia set in. My body would tumble off the sled to fall and skip across the rocky ground like a stone skipping across a lake, my bones breaking as I tumbled until my body finally came to a stop. If I was lucky I would be killed and not have to lie for days, broken and bruised, on the ground until death took me.
The ride kept going. The ride kept going. The fucking ride kept going.
“Fuck you” I said to the ride, my voice a horse whisper. I pulled my jacket closer around me, for all the good it did. The cold wind was slowly but surely pulling my body heat away. My shivering got worse, crossing the line from a simple normal shiver into those deep, almost violent full body ones.. I wasn’t anything you could call an experienced outdoorsman, but I knew enough to know that wasn’t a good sign.
It was getting dark. There was a full moon at least so I wasn’t totally in the dark.
About then I noticed something. The landscape, what little I could see in the fading light, was changing. It was smoothing out, becoming less rocky and craggy. Up ahead an odd, shimmering light was starting to appear on the ground.
I was over it before I even realized what it was. The tracks were going over a smooth surface.
Water. It was a lake. The odd lights I had seen were the moon, reflected in ripples on the lake.
Within minutes I was out of the view of the land. After the nearly endless rocky landscape and everything else I had seen, it scared me how little I was shocked. I didn’t like how mentally numb I was getting. I leaned over. There was enough moonlight to see the water, 15 or 20 feet below the track. The pylons holding up the track went into the water, the light wasn’t good enough to even make a guess at how far they went down or how deep the water was.I leaned back in the sled. My eyes were red and bloodshot from the constant wind. I closed them. This was a mistake.I jerked awake. I don’t know if I dozed off for a split second or an hour. My weight had shifted and I caught myself as my center of gravity was in danger of sending me off the sled and into the water.
I screamed in anger. A deep primal scream. I hurt so bad. My joints felt like they were full of glass. My limbs were full of pins and needles. I glanced over at the water. For the first time on the very edges of my brain a tiny voice started to speak up, telling me that I could be all over if I just jumped. I shut the voice up, but it scared me still.
I sat there as the ride went on. It felt like hours. Eventually the lake ended in a rocky shore line. The damned ride. There was no safe place to bail out. If the ride slowed down, it was high in the air, if it moved toward the ground it sped up. Sharp rocks, big trees, nothing you could safely bail out into.
I kept having to force myself awake. I kept dozing off. Once I felt myself falling asleep and drove a vicious uppercut into my own nose to stave it off.
I seriously started to think about how much longer I could hang on. The voice came back again. This time I didn’t shut it up. I wasn’t admitting it to myself yet, but I was starting to think about the best way to land that would end it quickly if I needed to.
Something was ahead. The track seemed to dip into the ground. I was too tired, too beaten to even get scared. I was just resigned to whatever happened at this point.
With little warning the track took my sled into a tunnel in the ground. Everything went completely pitch black. After several moments even the dim moonlight was gone.
This was the worst part. The creepy forest, the immense rocky landscape, the eerie lake… those were bad. But this was just nothing. Nothing to look at, nothing to hear, nothing for reference or sense of where I was going. The walls of the tunnel felt like they were inches from me in every direction. The air felt thick, like there wasn’t enough oxygen.
With every moment I was in that tunnel I lost a little more hope. After a long, long time I made a decision. When I got out of this tunnel, I would jump. I didn’t care anymore. Hopefully there would be a spot where I could be certain the fall would instantly kill me. I was done. The ride had beaten me. I sat there, waiting for a chance to end this on my terms. That was all I had left.
Eventually up ahead, a tiny speck of light appeared. I gathered my strength, ready to end it. I sat up, getting my legs under me so I could jump as soon as we were clear. The sled burst out of the tunnel. The dim light of the full moon was enough to be momentarily blinding after the pitch black of the tunnel.. I gave my eyes a moment to adjust.
I was back in a normal looking Appalachian forest. Rolling hills, green trees. The air smelled of pine again. I heard an owl hoot off somewhere.
Slowly I lowered myself back into a setting position, in shock. At first I refused to believe it but the ride was slowing down. I held still, making sure my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me, but no, the cheap plastic sled that had been my world for what felt like an eternity was slowing down.
Up ahead, a structure was visible, peeking out from among the trees in the dim lighting as the sled moved down the track.
It was the Alpine Slide building. The crappy fake red barn where I had boarded this cursed ride so long ago. I blinked and rubbed my eyes, sure it was either my mind or the cursed ride playing tricks with me. But the building stayed there.
It grew closer and closer. The track leveled completely out. The sled slowed down more. Before I had the time to really come to terms with it I arrived back at the building.
The sled slowed to a stop, gently pumping against another sled parked on the track. I sat there for a few moments, gasping in great big gulping fear breaths, trying to assure myself the ride didn’t have one last trick of its sleeve.
I looked around. The place was empty, deserted. The overhead lights were still on and the old Pepsi machine still glowed and buzzed, but the ticket booth was dark and empty, a metal gate pulled down over the ticket window.
Suddenly it hit me that I was free and I practically leapt out of the sled and onto the platform. I immediately collapsed. My legs were jelly and my head was spinning. I tried to stand up again and doubled over, dry heaving. Have you ever been out on a boat for a day and have that weird reverse motion sickness when you’re back on solid land? It was like that times a hundred. My inner ear was literally pounding, all the motion had really done a number on it.
I laid there for a few moments and eventually forced myself to stand up on my two wobbling legs. I looked around, a horrible certainty creeping into my mind that there would be no exit, no way off the platform but to my relief an exit turnstyle, one of those full height ones, was set into the fence that surrounded the ride property.
I went through it and found myself back on the main road. The truckstop was still there, still open but far less busy. My car sat in the same corner of the parking lot I had left it.
I allowed myself one look back, just one quick one. The metal skeleton of the Alpine Slide track sat there, dark and quiet but otherwise normal.
I stumbled-ran back to my car, dug the keys out of my pocket, and collapsed inside. When the door shut I let out a primal scream, the tons of fear and confusion and anger all fusing into a single, raw emotion. I screamed again and again.
After a few moments I felt like I was emotionally at least back to a place where I could act, although I wasn’t sure yet what to do next. Not really knowing what to do I cranked the car. The A/C had been on low when I shut off the car and it came roaring back to life and cold air blowing on me almost sent me back into a full on panic attack. I fumbled with the climate controls until the air stopped blowing directly on me, then calmed down enough to turn the heat on, helping to get the chill out of my bones. There was a half full bottle of water in the center console cup holder and I grabbed it and chugged it. Nothing ever tasted as good before or sense as that few ounces of water.
That was when I noticed the clock on the radio head unit. It was 4:17 in the morning. It had been about one, one thirty or so in the afternoon when I got on the accursed ride.
Over 15 hours. I had been on the goddamn ride for over 15 hours. Over half a day.
I just sat there. Warming up. Calming down. I was exhausted. I was dehydrated. I can’t even describe how my head felt. I probably had at least a minor case of hypothermia. I thought about going into the gas station and asking for help but what would I even say, and more than anything I just wanted to get away from this place. And I just wanted to get away. I wanted to be nowhere near that damn ride.
I put the Camaro in gear and pulled into the street and in panic I immediately slammed on the brakes. I was lucky there was no traffic on the road at that moment. The feeling of accelerating to just normal surface street speeds made me sick to my stomach. I gathered myself and very slowly accelerated the car I usually treated with a very heavy foot up to 30 miles an hour. Every time I tried to accelerate at a pace faster than “Old Lady Going to Church, Uphill” I would have a panic attack. I was okay once I was up to speed, but accelerating freaked me out after being on that ride.
I drove about 30 minutes, putting some arbitrary amount of distance between myself and the coaster. Eventually I made it back to where the twisty mountain road met back up with a major road that would eventually meet back up with the highway. After a few more minutes of driving I saw the onramp for the highway. There was one of those big truckstop travel plazas and pulled in, parking right up at the door. I smelled like pee and I can only imagine how I looked, but I didn’t care.
I kept a couple of emergency 20s in the back of my wallet and spent it on the biggest bottle of water the store had, an overpriced bottle of eye drops, and a huge travel mug of coffee. The clerk looked at me as if he was expecting me to either drop dead or rob him the entire time.
Back in my car I downed the coffee. I put a few eye drops in each of my eyes and sat there as the caffeine took effect until I felt like I could make it back to my apartment. The sun was just coming up when I finally pulled out of the truck stop and got on the freeway. I slowly, very slowly, accelerated up to highway speed, put the Camaro in cruise control, and let the miles start to drift away. I turned on the radio, I needed to hear human voices. Every time my mind went back to what had just happened I turned the radio up louder, eventually drowning it out with painful levels of rock music. I wasn’t ready to think about it yet. Yes looking back I know I was just in denial. I finally made it back to the crappy little apartment I had off campus, a little two story walk up studio. I let myself in and collapsed on the cheap couch. I was asleep before I even had the time to decide whether or not to do anything else. I woke up later that afternoon. I took a shower and ate a meal and didn’t think about the ride. I washed the pee stained filthy clothes I had been wearing and didn’t think about the ride. I went back to class and didn’t think about the ride. Every time I thought about the ride I forced it out of my head. I’m sure this wasn’t the most mentally healthy thing to do but what can you say?
I didn’t forget about it, don’t be silly. This isn’t the kind of thing you forget. One day while looking up something else in the university’s library my curiosity got the better of me and I looked up the Alpine Slide. No website but a few Google Map and Yelp mentions. None of them mentioned anything weird, certainly nothing even remotely like what I experienced. Near as I can tell it closed sometimes in the winter of 2012.
Life went on. I mean, that’s what it does. The next day was a little better. And the day after that a little better. And the day after that a little better still. I met a nice girl. Graduated. Got married. Got a nice house in the suburbs. Got a dog. Had a daughter. Spent a lot of time happy and not thinking about being trapped on an endless alpine coaster.And that was my life for many, many years after that.
Until a few weeks back when as a very different person I found myself driving a boring and safe mid sized family SUV through those same mountains. My wife Carol, 5 months pregnant, sat in the passenger seat, our 6 year old daughter Emily in a booster seat in the back, and Max our mixed breed mutt next to her. It had been a nice pleasant trip, driving back from visiting her folks.
I hadn’t thought about that fucking ride in so long I barely registered that I was in the same general area until it was too late. Suddenly I realized that little mountain tourist trap town was only a few minutes down the road. I swallowed hard and gripped the steering wheel hard. Carol was looking out the window at the scenery and Emily was deep into some kid’s Youtube video on an iPad. I forced myself to keep my breath steady as we rounded the corner.The town was still there, sorta. Time had not been kind to it. The gas station was still there, at some point it had been bought out by Shell. The tourist trap shops were still there. One of them was now a vape shop. The diner was closed, the building looking like it sat unused for a long time.
But of course that’s not what I cared about. A looked over at the site where the Alpine Coaster once stood. It was gone. The kitschy fake barn was gone. The site was just a bare concrete slab with a chainlink fence around it. Faded “no trespassing” and “for sale” signs hung off the fence. A pile of old, decaying lumber that might have once long ago been part of the structure covered part of the old lot. No sign of the track remained outside of some old concrete support posts dotting the side of the mountain.
I exhaled out a breath I hadn’t even realized I had been holding in. Soon the little town disappeared in my rear view mirror.
About a half hour later we stopped for gas. I pulled up to a gas pump across from a massive motorhome. Max stuck his head out the window and started barking at a little white dog, a toy breed of some kind, in the window of the motorhome. Carol and Emily immediately headed into the store to restock on snacks while I fueled up.
I stood there, a half smile on my lips as Max barked and wagged his tail in an attempt to attract the attention of the other dog while I filled up the tank, said dog doing an admirable job of ignoring him.
Right about the time I finished fueling up and cleaning the bugs off the windshield Carol returned from inside the store, Emily in tow, arms filled with two full sized bags of Salt and Vinegar Potato Chips and what looked to be a half dozen individually wrapped pickles.
I raised an eyebrow at the collection of food but knew better than to question a pregnant woman's snack choices.
“Should we take Max for a quick walk?” Carol asked. The travel plaza had a nice little gated dog walking area off to the side.
“Yeah probably not a bad idea, he’s been cooped up in the car for a few hours.” I said. Max, upon hearing his name and the word “walk” , forgot about the other dog and upgraded from wagging his tail to wagging his entire body while making whining sounds and staring right at me.
About this time I became half aware that the big motor home next to us was pulling away. I didn’t think much of it, outside of doing a quick automatic mental check to make sure Emily was well clear of the moving vehicle, but she was safely between me and our SUV, well out of the way.
But that was when Emily looked behind me and cheerfully yelled “Daddy look a roller coaster! Can I ride the coaster?”
It’s cliche as fuck I know but my blood went cold.
I turned around slowly, certain in my knowledge that terrible old decrepit Alpine Coaster would be there, having just popped into existence to trap me again.
That.. is not what I saw. Sure enough there was a coaster there, one I hadn’t noticed earlier because it had mostly been blocked by the motor home, but there it was. It was even an Alpine Coaster.
But it was not the same coaster I had encountered those years ago. That was immediately obvious. It was a small but modern and newish looking setup with neon lights and a bunch of people. There was an actual building where you bought tickets and a little snack stand.
“Daddy! Can we go on the coaster!” Emily asked again.
My mouth made motions but no words came out. I glanced over at Carol, hoping she’d say we didn’t have time but to my horror she smiled and said “You know what? That does sound like fun. Daddy will take you while I take Max for a walk.”
My mind raced, trying to think of a way to get out of it. But Emily was already dragging me across the parking lot to the entrance.
I patted my pocket, making sure my phone was in it. Every fiber of my being was screaming to run away. I slept walked through the line and the ticket booth while Emily bounced happily.
We got into a two seat plastic sled. This one was actually a lot nicer than the one my mind wouldn’t stop thinking about. It had two nice cushioned seats, big grab handles, even a nice rollbar.
The sled started up the track. I fought back the panic. I swerved my head around, keeping the building in my view. I was terrified of losing sight of it. We made it to the top and Emily did a happy squeal as we started down the side of the mountain.
My heart raced. Any second, any second my mind told me we’d lose sight of the building and then the ride would never end. The ride sped down the mountain. My mind tortured me with thoughts of not only going through it again, but seeing Emily go through it. The ride went around a big, banking turn. Emily kept shouting happily. How long before Carol reported us missing I wondered? Could I keep Emily calm? What if it lasted even longer this time? What if this time it never ended?
And then we were back at the start of the ride. The same attendant who had helped us into the sled was helping Emily out. I stepped out. The attendant gave me a brief look but said nothing. I guess I looked a little wild eyed.
I was fine. Emily was fine. It had been a perfectly normal, fun ride.
“That was fun Daddy! Thank you!” Emily said. I forced a smile back. “It was fun.” I responded, hoping like I sounded like I meant it.
I took Emily’s hand and we walked back to the car. Max saw us coming and barked happily. Carol looked up from the pint of Ben and Jerry’s she had somehow acquired and added to her snack collection while we were gone and smiled at us.
“Did you have fun?” she asked.
“It was so fun Mommy!” Emily said.
Carol smiled down at her, but then looked at me and frowned. “Are you okay?” Carol could read my face a lot better than the attendant could. “You’re pale.”
I smiled and this time the smile felt real. “Ya know what. Yeah, I think I am okay.”
Carol looked a little puzzled, but didn’t press it. We loaded Emily back in her booster seat, stopped Max from trying desperately to eat half a discarded gas station hot dog off the ground and got him back in the car. Carol and her small collection of snack food took her place in the passenger seat and I got in the driver's seat.I smiled. I cranked the car. I put it in gear. I pulled out of the gas station and back on the road, this time accelerating just a little faster than I had in years.

Welcome to our fifth discussion of Leviathan Wakes. Hold onto your cool detective hats or your environment suits, because we finally get some answers to our mystery! This week, we will discuss Chapters 34-40. The Marginalia post is here. You can find the Schedule here.
The discussion questions are below. One note - this is a very popular book series and TV show, but please keep in mind that not everyone has read or watched already, so be mindful not to include anything that could be a hint or a spoiler! Please mark spoilers not related to this section of the book using the format > ! Spoiler text here !< (without any spaces between the characters themselves or between the characters and the first and last words).
Now brace yourselves: here comes the juice!
Chapter Summaries:
Chapter 34 - Miller: Detective Miller and the crew of the Roci board the hidden ship (the one that captured the crew of the Scopuli before destroying it), wearing environment suits because the ship has no atmosphere - someone left the doors open. They stick together at first as they move through the ship, discovering signs of a struggle, zombie vomit, and twelve torpedo tubes big enough to destroy capital ships like the Donnager or the Canterbury. Miller uses his detective skills to determine that everyone but Julie retreated to engineering. Once there, they discover a truly grisly sight: layers of human flesh and bones are sort of fused around the reactor, which has been shut down. Naomi and Holden gasp in shock and disgust, Miller turns on his cop brain to suppress emotion and view it as a crime scene, and Amos seems… calm and able to ignore the gore. The team splits up to look for more clues.
Amos stays in engineering to start up the computers and get the reactor back online. Naomi works on the ops deck to run diagnostics. Miller and Holden head to the bridge, which wasn’t affected by the fighting onboard. Miller reviews the internal feeds and finds footage showing the captured Scopuli crew being led onto the ship, stripped, and put in restraints. Julie fights back viciously but is knocked unconscious and stuffed in a locker with a jumpsuit (which is where we met her in the prologue). The crew is left in the galley for 132 hours before they decide to make a stand, but it is quickly suppressed. One of the crew is thrown out an airlock and the others are heavily restrained as they scream and cry. Just as Miller gets to the first appearance of a vomit zombie (at hour 160 of footage), Amos yells that he’s been exposed to some radiation because the human flesh blob had damaged the reactor shielding. He decides to keep working while Alex monitors his health status from the Roci.
Then Holden calls Miller over to view one of the last feeds Julie accessed. It’s a corporate presentation video created for a man named Dresden and the board of Protogen. It features a man Miller dubs “the sociopath” because of his cold, practiced smile…and because of the content. The sociopath tells the board (and us) the history of scientific discovery on Phoebe, which was thought to just be a moon and a source of water, but became a research station when a survey found complex silicon structures in the ice. Protogen was tasked with investigating and discovered that Phoebe is not a moon but evidence of a galactic biosphere: it is an alien weapon sent towards Earth 2 ⅓ billion years ago, which never made it because of orbital mechanics. Protogen has discovered that this weapon is not alive per se; rather, it is something they’ve termed the “protomolecule” which has the ability to maintain structure while replicating other systems and manipulating them at scalable rates. Of course, they alerted the proper authorities and made sure… just kidding, they’ve secretly been doing tests. The sociopath believes that whoever controls the protomolecule will gain control of all political and economic power going forward. Chillingly, the sociopath urges them to pursue large-scale testing to understand the protomolecule and its human applications. That large-scale testing is Eros.
TL;DR - Julie found evidence that Protogen has discovered an alien weapon, branded it the “protomolecule”, and secretly tested it on the people of Eros (and probably other smaller tests). The entire war has just been a distraction.
Chapter 35 - Holden: Naomi explains that most of the messages on the comm logs have been coded, but the last one is in plain text: the captain informed Thoth Station that the ship was contaminated, everyone was about to die, and the “materials” had been secured. He also planned to send vector data so they could find the ship. The Roci crew put two and alien-symbol-for-two together: they figure out that the captain has locked protomolecule samples in his safe. They also decide that the tightbeam messages were being sent to a secret research station Protogen was using to monitor the Eros experiment. Even though the fact “Naomi is the best” is a proven concept on par with “space is cold”, she is NOT able to open the captain’s safe, so they decide to cut it out of the wall and bring it with them on the Roci. They also scuttle the ship so no one can a) recover the stealth technology and alien weapons, or b) get exposed to the protomolecule-human soup inside. (Amos would have preferred to hack the frozen dead body goo off the reactor with a chainsaw and salvage such an impressive and expensive ship, which is… another way to go.)
It’s clear that someone else with stealth tech is searching actively for this ship, but the Roci won’t see them coming so they decide to get the hell out of Dodge. Naomi jokes that their options include turning the safe over to the OPA (they’d be heroes), selling out to Mars (they’d be rich), or starting their own biotech firm (just kidding, that’s evil). When Miller checks in with Holden about a decision on where to go next, he drops a figurative bomb on him regarding actual bombs in the news. Since Holden did his best Edward Snowden impersonation and leaked the data that the mystery ships are from Earth, Mars asked a few too many questions and in response, Earth has blown up a whole bunch of Martian ships and destroyed the Deimos deep radar station. Miller ruefully gives Holden credit for sticking to his guns about his belief in “free information”. He also points out that Holden’s principles make him responsible for all those deaths and the destruction of the Earth-Mars Coalition… and possibly the universe as they know it.
Chapter 36 - Miller: The war between Mars and the Belt seems like no big deal now that Earth and Mars are fighting. Miller watches the news feeds as the conflict turns into a blockade, and he realizes he is steeling himself for an announcement of a planetary attack on Earth or Mars, but it never comes. He and Amos deal with the stress by having beer for breakfast.
Miller meets up with Holden in the med bay for their routine blood flushes and cancer treatments, and they reopen their debate about what to do with the data files and who is to blame for the war(s).

• Holden’s position: Broadcast everything to everyone! (I know, I know, so out of character, right?) People will understand that they’ve been set up and will turn their wrath on Protogen instead of each other. Also, these are ancient conflicts. The Belt has always hated Mars and the inner planets in general. Mars and Earth have always had animosities secretly brewing and they do military training for the inevitable showdown. Or as Miller puts it, “Not my powder keg; I just brought the match.”
• Miller’s position: Stop and consider what people will do if they hear an Earth company did this. Every other data leak has been used as an excuse to shoot at someone the other side doesn’t like. Also, people suck. They aren’t going to hold hands and sing Kumbaya just because Protogen is the bad guy. They’ll move on to shooting each other so they can be the ones to control the protomolecule. Or as Holden puts it, “Maybe Protogen is a little right. People are too dumb to be trusted with big information so we should keep hard, scary stuff a big secret. That’ll totally work out.”

Holden’s idealism starts to fade as he takes in Miller’s hard truths about humanity. To be fair, Miller loses a little idealism over his perceptions of the inner planets’ relationship which, to the Belt, seemed stable and friendly enough (and united against them). Miller encourages Holden to use Naomi’s judgment as a measuring stick for whether something is right (similar to how he uses illusion-Julie as his conscience and sounding board) and then he goes back to the news feeds to watch Ceres slowly collapse into chaos. Holden decides the only person and place he trusts - or at least doesn’t completely distrust - is Fred Johnson on Tycho Station, so they head there. Holden also wonders why they don’t just destroy the safe and make sure everyone stays away from Eros and Phoebe; Miller admits it’s because the protomolecule might just be the holy grail.
Chapter 37 - Holden: The crew of the Roci is taking a break from doom scrolling to cook fake space lasagna for dinner and bond over the food and conversation. As Holden watches the crew laugh at Amos’s belches and Miller’s wild story about cheese smuggling, he reflects that they represent all three prongs of the conflict: Naomi and Miller are Belters, Amos and he are from Earth, and Alex is from Mars. Yet they’re friends, and Holden knows this is what they have to fight for. The cheese smuggling makes no sense to Amos (why cheese and not drugs?), and Naomi points out that this illustrates how little people from the inner planets understand Belters. Earthers have free air and easy access to resources, while Belters know everything that sustains life is rare and their access to it is fragile. And this is why Protogen didn’t blink an eye before killing 1.5 million Belters on Eros: they’re “other”. Then Alex points out that this doesn’t make sense; it's a risky and unnecessarily complicated way to kill people just to satisfy prejudices. It becomes clear that Eros isn’t a hate crime, it’s a vacuum-sealed test tube to let the protomolecule learn how to do its job better by giving it access to a huge amount of biomass. The early transformations looked incomplete, as if it didn’t know how to work with human flesh yet, so Protogen was giving it a chance to train. Holden wants to know where they would even find enough people who would support an evil operation like this, and Miller promises to ask Dresden (the Protogen board member mentioned in the video) when they meet him. Something tells me that conversation won’t go well.
As the Roci approaches Tycho station, Holden and Miller take in the view of the Nauvoo, the partially constructed Mormon generation ship. When Miller says the Mormans may be in for a long and lonely death if they don’t find a habitable planet, Holden notes that this is the good kind of galactic exploration humans can accomplish (the protomolecule being the bad kind). Miller then asks Holden why he trusts Fred, and Holden explains that in addition to being the only person who hasn’t tried to jail them or blow them up since all this began, Fred is “real OPA”: he’s a politician and not part of the war-mongering factions who think they can survive indefinitely without the inner planets. When Miller points out that there isn’t a political solution to Protogen, Holden insists Fred has other skills, too. Later, Fred reads through all the information on the protomolecule and is incredulous that anyone could think to do this. Miller assures him that genocide is an old-school crime and it’s important that they stop it. Holden offers up the location of the observation station in exchange for enough OPA fighters to take down Protogen, and the right to retain custody of the safe and its contents. Fred agrees only after Holden points out that no one else can be trusted to do the right thing with a secret this big. Plus, he says Fred already knows what Holden will do with it.
Chapter 38 - Miller: It feels strange to Miller to explore the wide open spaces of Tycho Station, the fanciest place he has ever set foot on. He notices Naomi working on her hand terminal and letting her food get cold; she is too preoccupied with trying to figure out the location of the station to enjoy the amenities. As they talk, Miller is reminded of Havelock’s advice to just let go when he got pulled off a case, which jogs his memory that Havelock actually works for Protogen! (I’m surprised he didn’t get there faster; maybe everyone had a point that he was sort of a washed up detective.) He rushes off to make contact with his old buddy - probably his last real partner ever - in an encrypted drop site of a Ganymede server cluster. As he waits for a response, Miller is amused to realize he has started thinking like Holden: he feels like someone should warn the Mormans that they could potentially run into the alien creators of the protomolecule who may want to kill them. Havelock comes through, passing along the coordinates to a “very scary deep research and development lab” and asking Miller to be discreet never contact him again so he doesn’t get killed for betraying his employer. Miller sends him an encrypted warning to quit his job ASAP and not take postings at any black ops sites, before saying goodbye for the last time to the only person that still respected him as a cop. (I may or may not be sniffling a bit at this.)
Miller rounds up Naomi and Holden so they can bring Fred the coordinates. In Fred’s office, Miller starts lecturing him about the serious nature of the mission and the need to have a solid plan with adequate firepower, not the usual OPA shenanigans. Everyone’s a little confused until they realize that Miller doesn’t know that Fred is “the butcher of Anderson Station” and a former Colonel in the Earth Navy. Fred assures Miller he’s no amateur and will plan ahead. Miller then insists that he get to come along for the assault on Thoth Station. Eight days later, the plan is set in motion and Miller begins packing his meager belongings into a very small bag, figuring he’ll never see the Roci again. Even if he makes it off Thoth alive, he’ll have to figure out a way to make money and improvise a life plan of some sort. He tries to thank Holden and say goodbye, but the Roci’s captain interrupts Miller to ask where they’ll all meet up after the mission is complete. Miller is confused at first, then overcome with emotion when he realizes Holden considers Miller part of the crew! I’m not crying, you’re crying. Actually, it’s Miller who is weeping. But he pulls himself together so he can head to the assault ship.
Chapter 39 - Holden: The Rocinante needs to sneak up on Thoth Station, so they are pretending to be a loose cargo container that broke off the Guy Molinari (the Belter ship carrying the assault team, which is pretending to be a cargo ship). They fly with everything shut down so that it’s more convincing, hoping they can get close enough to the station to do some damage before Thoth starts firing back. As they approach and are able to reboot everything needed for battle, a stealth ship is spied hanging out near Thoth Station. Then, suddenly it becomes clear that there are two small stealth ships, which will be much harder to fight off. Everyone does their jobs efficiently on the Roci, but in the ensuing battle with the stealth ships, they start to take some damage. First, the Roci is hit by a gauss cannon that goes straight through the machine shop and galley. Holden mourns his coffee maker. Amos notices a leak in the maneuvering thrusters and heads to fix it between the inner and outer hulls, which isn’t an ideal place to be floating around during a battle. This stresses Naomi out, but Holden orders everyone to stay focused. They are able to take out one of the stealth ships, but the other gets close enough to do some impressive damage to the Roci. There is major hull damage as well as loss of four maneuvering thrusters, a PDC, their O2 storage, and the crew airlock. Alex is about to destroy the second stealth ship when the Roci’s point defense cannons (PDCs) detonate an enemy warhead up close. It knocks everyone out, punches holes throughout the Roci (narrowly missing Naomi), dislodges equipment, and fills the ship with debris. Holden marvels that they are alive at all, and Alex points out that is only because the ship’s anti-spalling webbing eliminates shrapnel. They make contact with Fred, who says he’ll find them a place to land, and the Guy Molinari prepares for the assault on Thoth Station. It’s Miller’s turn to shine!
Chapter 40 - Miller: On the Guy Molinari, Miller is talking to a Belter kid named Diogo as they wait for the assault to start. Miller realizes that while he has fancy Martian armor from the Roci and experience with gunfights in station corridors, he is surrounded by inexperienced young Belters with borrowed gear, and he will likely have to watch dozens of them die during the battle. But Diogo isn’t worried; he is confident and eager to get started. Fred announces that they are ready to start boarding since the Roci gave them the “all clear”, and Miller is happy to hear his friends have survived. The assault on the station starts off rough, with Protogen soldiers fighting them in the corridors and automatic defense lasers taking out some of the Belters in the first wave. But Fred knows how to command his OPA “troops” and keep them in line, and things start to go more smoothly as they slow down and maneuver carefully. Miller and Diogo are part of a group taking shelter at Fred’s direction and fending off Protogen counterattacks, and they start to talk during a lull. When two Protogen soldiers sneak up on them from behind, Diogo is hit and Miller chastises himself for chatting during a battle and not staying alert. He thinks Diogo is dead, but he pops up laughing and streaked with white goo from crowd suppression rounds, which Miller finds an odd choice of weapon. It’s the first sign that Thoth Station may not totally understand what’s happening. The OPA soldiers cut their way through the blast doors to get to the operations center, where they find Dresden (the dude mentioned in the sociopath’s Protogen video). Fred arrives to take command of the station, and Dresden offers to negotiate, clearly misunderstanding the reason for the assault. He offers to give the OPA whatever resources they need to go back to fighting their war (money, medical supplies, weapons, ordnance) if they’ll just leave and let the station get back to their very important work. Fred points out that they know about Eros, but Dresden insists no one knows what they did there, and there won’t be a better bargaining position for Fred when Earth sends its battleships. Fred basically calls Dresden Satan, but Dresden doesn’t understand the reference.

Alright, I consider myself a seasoned roleplayer (as strange and humiliating as it sounds lmao), and obviously I use bots for roleplay very often. And of course, I flesh the character bot out with their personality and other fancy stuff, but I was wondering what other attributes do you guys use for YOUR bots that could be applied to other bots that could help me and others out? For the purpose of precisely and more accurately fleshing out your characters so that they not only do not step out of character, but become more sophisticated and smart.
For me, the attributes I tend to use are as listed; Personality, Physical Characteristics, Character Traits, Likes & Dislikes, Interests, Behavior, Gender, Age, Background Information, and Species (incase they're something not human like an orc or fairy or some shit)
Feel free to roast me about my attributes but, what do you guys use? I'm looking for some helpful suggestions to make roleplaying more smooth, y'know? Thanks! I'm sure this'll help others, too.

I’ve been having some trouble finding good ai picture generators to make characters with. I use Pix ai and Perchance but I don’t feel like they work really well, and I don’t want to pay for Midjourney and spend my money on just making photos.
Does anyone have any good and free suggestions? I’m not looking for anything fancy, just something that can make decent quality stuff since I’m having trouble.

So for a while or so I've been playing older Sonic games just to see if they still held up. So far a majority of the games I played were at the very least good with some of the best ones being Sonic Adventure 2 and Sonic rush. But something that might be my biggest Sonic hot take ever is that Heroes is one of the worst games in the entire Sonic series(unpopular opinion I know but let me explain myself). And just a heads up this is gonna be a long one because I got a lot to say about this game.
Because this game has a lot of aspects that I don’t like, I'm going to first touch on some aspects I actually like about the game. Even though not every character was written the best I will say some stand out characters I enjoyed are Cream and Omega, especially Omega but I wanna touch on Cream first. Ever since reading the IDW comics I've always had a soft spot for Cream just from how innocent and adorable she was and that sentiment continued with how she was paired with Blaze in Sonic Rush. I was admittedly nervous about how she would be portrayed in Heroes for reasons I'll get into later but she was handled alright. Nothing too groundbreaking but she kept her cute nature and even had some small moments of sass which was nice. The real star of the show was E-123 Omega. He really only has one thing on his mind with destroying Eggman and doesn’t really go through any sort of character arc, but that’s fine with me because the dude’s funny as hell with how aggressive and angry he is. He doesn’t have much of a face or eyes that are able to emote but you can still tell exactly what he’s thinking. I can’t explain why but every piece of dialogue that comes out of his…mouth?....speakers?...is hysterical. From “ANNIHILATE” to “USELESS CONSUMER MODELS” even down to when he says “GOOD” every time you pop an item box or balloon every quote is comedy gold with how monotone his voice is. The chemistry each team has with each other is nice to watch since from their dialogue you can tell that these trios have known each other for a while, are good friends with one another, or in Team Dark’s case just work friends(but their banter is still entertaining with how Omega keeps telling them to stay focused). And the music is good but as a Sonic fan that’s par for the course at this point. What I’m Made Of is a stand out banger for me.
But unfortunately that’s where all the positives end as we move into the negatives with one of the biggest being the physics of the game being poorly optimized. Throughout my playthrough I have run into so many bugs or victims of poor game design that I’ve lost count. But over half of my deaths have been due to the fact that there are no invisible walls to act as safety nets for players incase they misclick or even do something as simple as do a homing attack or perform a 3 hit combo with a power character, the latter happening way too often because power characters are the most reliable way to deal with enemies. Enemies bumping you are also a common way to die but not because of running out or rings, but because of the lack of walls keeping you on the platforms. Speaking of the homing attack, with how the movement physics work with speed characters I never use them because they end up being too slippery to control with instances where it feels like I'm fighting for control just so I can move forward in a straight line or hit a boost pad on a loop. The Light Speed Dash works whenever it feels like it and there’s no way to aim the homing attack so you pretty much have to press A twice and pray that rn-Jesus does you nice, otherwise you’re falling down a pit like you’re Scrooge McDuck diving into a vault of gold coins. And remember how I said enemies bumping you off cliffs was a common way to die? Well they can also just combo you for free because this game has no invincibility frames meaning you can get hit once and then instantly die if you or one of your teammates doesn’t pick up a ring right after being hit. This is especially apparent in horde fights like Robot Storm where you can get easily swarmed. And a staple mechanic from Sonic Adventure 2 that was butchered in this followup was the rail grinding. It was super fun to build up speed by balancing and crouching but now you just mash B with any real sense of speed being from a speed character. And heaven forbid you decided to grind rail with a flight character unless you like sliding at the speed of a snail, but you might wanna do that anyway to be save because if you switch rails the game doesn’t magnetize your character to it risking you to just shoot yourself off the map just for swapping rails or getting off of a rail.
Another awful aspect with the game is the team mechanic itself. It’s an interesting idea on paper to be able to swap between 3 characters to perform different actions based on what the level throws at you. But the problem with that is not every formation is balanced. The flying formation is awful in every way. The totem formation itself looks weird and looks especially janky with how it looks when going off a set of springs or going through a dash panel loop. How it controls itself makes absolutely no sense either; you jump and jump again to fly which drains a meter, which makes sense since Tails worked in a similar way back in Sonic 2 and still works like that in every other 2D classic style game. But I didn’t learn until the last story that the gauge only drains if you move forwards and won’t drain if you don’t move forward which not only makes no sense but doesn’t work like that in Sonic 2 at all. And whenever the meter runs out you might think that you would just glide down to the floor right? No. Instead the game halts all of your momentum and has you fall straight down like a boulder making flying based platforming impossible which was not the case in Sonic 2. And for some reason there’s a limit for how high you can go even though there’s already a limit you can fly for. Wanna know what game allows you to fly as long as you want until you run out of stamina? SONIC FUCKING 2 ON THE SEGA GENESIS/MEGA DRIVE. Sonic Heroes not only came out 10 years after Sonic 2 but was released on more powerful consoles so I'm baffled that they didn’t even try to make any of this shit work in any similar fashion. And this gets even worse for Sonic Heroes because you know how I just described how they would have improved the flying mechanics in Sonic Heroes? Well it WORKS EXACTLY HOW I JUST EXPLAINED IN SONIC ADVENTURE FOR THE THE DREAMCAST 1999. What the hell were they thinking with this!? This makes absolutely no fucking sense. And the Thunder Shoot attack? It doesn’t do much except paralyze enemies and hit targets meant to help you move forward in levels. Except it only does one of these things correctly since the game doesn’t auto target the targets meaning 90% of the time you’ll be constantly throwing your teammates into the ether while missing entirely as you try again and again to change your angle to hit the target just so you can move on with the average 10 minute level. And the switches you’re meant to pull are janky in their own right but the switches you have to fly for are the worst since no matter how close you get to that switch the game won’t register what you’re trying to do which is annoying as balls. And as the finishing touch all flying character have no differences in gameplay despite slight animations and apparently they have this unique attack they can do if they don’t have party members to throw with Thunder Shoot by pressing B again...but the game doesn’t tell you that and even knew that you’ll never see it in practice because if you toss a teammate with Thunder Shoot they’ll come back almost instantly.
And the biggest failure is that you can no longer spin dash in this game. It’s no big deal, it’s not like they removed one of Sonic’s most essential moves in his arsenal that was present all the way from Sonic 2 and was even in Sonic Adventure 1 and 2, useless crap like that. Instead you have to use the stupid Rocket Accel which can’t be activated instantly like the spin dash with instead having the player get a running start to have your teammate boost you forward that doesn’t go as far as the spin dash in Sonic Adventure 1 and 2. It’s an alright concept that would be fine to keep if the spin dash remained in the game and not replaced with some trash faker that doesn’t hold up to the original. Which leaves us with the power formation which is the best formation by far but not by much. Power is the easiest one to control since it allows you to properly control your character at a moderate speed, a novel concept I know. But combo attacks that involve the character moving forward in a short burst are risky to use since you could wind up pushing yourself off the map which happens way more often than you’d think and more often than it should. And because they have to share data with all the playable teams they away Knuckles’ ability to climb walls in favor of a tacky looking team glide for platforming just like they took away the Spin Dash.
Another team related mechanic the game introduces is something called the “Team Blast” which has a gauge fill up every time you deal damage to enemies or collect rings no matter how you collect said rings(remember this for later). When a team gauge is filled you can perform a Team Blast by pressing Z that acts as a screen wipe that clears almost every enemy on screen. I say almost because it doesn’t really remove every enemy on screen because some doof over at Sonic Team thought it would be a good idea to give an ultimate attack that’s meant to wipe out all enemies on screen with a limited range, which is smaller than you’d think by the way. Each Team Blast has their own special effect that appears for around 10 seconds after the attack is used which i’ll be talking about when I talk about each team on their own but know that after Team Sonic’s Team Blast Sonic will be able to use the Light Speed Attack from Adventure 1 and 2…but that’s useless when you’re able to still fight as Knuckles and it fucks up your Thunder Shoot when attacking bosses.
And the next fancy mechanic they try adding in is the new level system. And I hate this system so much. The idea of the level system is that your character starts off dealing an ok amount of damage but can get stronger the more you level up by collecting orbs that can drop from enemies. Speed characters get a stronger spin dash, flight characters get a stronger Thunder Shoot, and power characters get stronger combo enders. The problem is that in terms of combat no Sonic game has ever worked like this. For the most part every enemy in a Sonic game that came out before and after Heroes is able to be one shot by a simple jump, roll, spin dash, homing attack, mech shot, boost or punch with the only exceptions I can name off the top of my head being Sonic Rush, Sonic Unleashed’s night stages, and Sonic Frontiers. But those 3 examples are excusable since with Rush it’s only one enemy that has more than 1 HP that doesn’t spawn often and with the other 2 being based more on combat than speeding through levels as fast as possible. Your team will only be satisfying to play after everyone as at the maximum level of level 3 which can be difficult to do since whichever orbs enemies drop when defeated are not only random for when exactly they’ll drop but it’s also completely random who the level up is meant for. Imagine needing to level up your power character to get through a large horde of enemies but instead all the levels go to the other 2 teammates that are virtually useless in a fight. “Ah dammit, I needed a power orb to get to level 2…ah well might as well give my other teammates their 50th orb of the fight.” The only ways to get guaranteed levels for a certain character is with certain item boxes and balloons scattered throughout the level and with checkpoints but the latter only works for the character leading the formation when touching the checkpoint, not to mention they’re single use only. And say you grinded all those levels so you can blitz through this level, guess what, if you die all of your levels get reset and it doesn’t matter if you only lose a life or game over. And i’ve made it very clear how easy it is to unintentionally kill yourself in this game.
Something else that isn’t properly explained is the hidden difficulty system. The problem is that each team campaign has a hidden difficulty system but the game doesn’t tell you that at all unless you want to willingly listen to Omochao(note that I played the tutorial and afterwards I actively avoided his tips on the main menu). The difficulty from easy to hard is Teams Rose, Sonic, Dark, and Chaotix being a gimmick team but the game orders them from Sonic, Dark, Rose, Chaotix which is bad game design because not only are people gonna wanna play as the main character Sonic the Hedgehog, but with how the stories are laid out players would instinctively play from left to right causing them to play the game on normal, hard, easy, and then gimmick which doesn’t make too much sense. I knew the difficulty levels before going in but I played in order of Sonic, Rose, Dark, Chaotix because I like Sonic as a character. But what I wasn’t prepared for is that this game is kinda hard even on the normal difficulty because the game is full of jank that can just kill you for playing the game as intended.
But now for Team Rose and Team Dark. Team Rose is so piss easy that it’s insulting for players who are well affirmed with the series. For one they force you to play the tutorial even after you’ve completed a story previously. Which btw this is the most bullshit tutorial in the history of gaming. Most games have pop ups with button commands and visuals to help the player out or they let the player figure things out themselves. Sonic Heroes does neither of these but instead have this little annoying ass robotic fuck hold your hand throughout the entire thing. What makes this worse is that every time he pops up to tell you what to do your character is stuck in place as you gotta wait for him to shut up so you can play the game only for you to be stopped by his rambling again and again and again until it’s finally over. And most of the skills players can learn on their own since it’s not that hard to just press a random button and get immediate feedback of “oh this button does this? cool beans''. Their moveset is also broken with Amy’s tornado attack being a moving projectile meaning you don’t have to willingly get in contact with the enemy in order to use it, Big having a combo that doesn’t have him move so he can’t fall off the map along with a broken belly flop that’s good for not only combat but weirdly enough platforming, and Cream…she’s just the flier. Their Team Blast is just a win button for no good reason. Not only does it give all of your teammates a free level, not only does it give your team a shield, but it makes your entire team INVINCIBLE. Ok game I get it, stop treating me like a baby. And the finishing touch is that all the levels are cut in half. Awesome. Setting up unrealistic expectations for newcomers and disrespecting older players in one foul swoop.
And then there’s Team Dark…oh Team Dark…when they said this was the “hard” mode they were lying. Because it should’ve been called “kaizo” mode. Enemies are everywhere including places they shouldn’t be, the amount of rings available is greatly reduced, And the bosses become borderline impossible to beat at times(except for the rival fights but we’ll get to that). And not only are there more enemies but the stronger variants of said enemies spawn more frequently. And you’d think their Team Blast would make things better, well yes and no but here’s why. Their Team Blast freezes time completely and I mean completely. Rings don’t spin, projectiles don’t move, even the timer doesn’t tick down. But the most annoying part is if you’re using your Team Blast to try and move forward the puzzles are stuck in time too until the gauge runs out so you gotta sit and wait to move on. And even after you move on the game will probably toss 3 giant armored robots at you at once that fight like mini-bosses(if you know you know) immediately after your Team Blast just ran out.
But before I talk about the final team with Team Chaotix I wanna talk about the level design! Yippee! Except not really because it’s all terrible. The locations and themes are unique in their own right but each level suffers from their own issues coupled with all the bugs that can kill you outright without the player having any time to think about what just happened. Ignoring the main bugs, Seaside Hill and Ocean Palace are fine first levels in all honesty. Power Plant’s elevator section is long and tedious and it’s worse if you have a character than use the Light Speed Dash along with a super stressful rising lava section that you gotta hurry up to climb or else you’re dead. But oooh nooo it’s not that easy because the lava moves faster along with the player which means if you’re too slow, you die and if you’re too fast…you die. Casino Park and Bingo Highway have pinball mechanics that will leave you stuck in one of the tables forever unless you’re a pinball god or just lucky. And we just love games marketed at children that encourage gambling addictions, especially if said gambling minigames are rng. Rail Canyon and Bullet Station rely entirely on rails which don’t work properly as I said before and Bullet Station in particular has a cannon that’s supposed to shoot you onto another rail track but in actuality it fires you straight into the death zone if you’re unaware about this and hold forward…and because it’s a Sonic the Hedgehog game you’re gonna do that. “Gotta go fast” and all that. Frog Forest and Lost Jungle have flying flowers that are so jittery they’re impossible to control, swinging vines with an awkward timing window, and it ends on a chase sequence against a giant crocodile that relies on the janky vines that last way too long. Hang Castle and Mystic Mansion are puzzle-filled mazes with ghost enemies that show up at the worst of times to jumpscare you…which is all the time, and everything else(we all know these levels sucks moving on). Egg Fleet and Final Fortress have tons of bullshit cannons that can home in on you, can snipe you out of the air which can hit you out of a platforming segment and send you falling to your death, crumbling floors, everything’s in the sky so there’s almost no floor to stand on, and rails. The worst part about it all is that all 4 campaign’s use the same exact 14 levels. You heard me right. ALL 4 CAMPAIGNS USE THE EXACT SAME LEVELS. Sonic Adventure 2 had 2 campaigns with levels that heavily differed from each other one way or another. Each campaign has either a speed level, a treasure level, or a mech level and even then it’s not equal to how many levels each type of level gets and each level has a different setting and music track. Rush is the one case I can think of where the campaigns had minor differences. Only thing is that those differences are huge. The levels are the same but they’re in a different order for Sonic and Blaze, Blaze plays completely differently from Sonic, Blaze gets her own music tracks, and Sonic has to use special stages to get the Chaos Emeralds while Blaze doesn’t need any to get the Sol Emeralds. And at the end of every other stage you gotta face off against-
Bosses! They all suck for different reasons. The mech fights boil down to mashing homing attacks like it’s a Mario Party minigame, the rival team fights are a joke, and the horde fights…oh my god the horde fights. I’m just gonna rip the band-aid off here. ROBOT. FUCKING. STORM. This is not only the worst “level” in Sonic Heroes but the worst boss fight out of any Sonic game I have ever played. Team Sonic’s is hard enough as is, Team Rose’s is a pushover(as is every boss in their campaign really), Team Chaotix…we’ll get to them later. But Team Dark’s has to be the boss fight that throws the bullshit at you. Don’t believe me well then let’s see here, we got; a long robot gauntlet that feels like it takes years to get over with, more enemies that spawn with a lot of them being the stronger variants of the enemies we’ve already be accustomed to, multiple giant hammer wielding robots paired with either robots that heal them or robots that sap all your rings which because it’s a Sonic game it’s basically life steal, and because this game was programmed with monkeys holding hammers the enemies will constantly knock your ass off the map and there is NOTHING you can do about it except pray. Pray to rn-Jesus that you can make it out alive with what little sanity is left in your body. And after all that Eggman has the balls to say what I'd call the worst line in any Sonic game, “Don’t get too excited boys! Those were the easy ones!”. It’s genuinely unbelievable that such a level exists. This was marketed towards kids. How is fucking little Casey who just got Sonic Heroes as their first video game gonna beat this shit? He’s not. Because the developers didn’t think about that just like they didn’t think about anything in this game except making a “fun” gimmick. But that’s not all. Because there’s one more boss...
Egg Emperor…and the bullshit continues. I definitely know what true evil is when facing this boss all right. The fight consists of running across a few platforms before making your way over to a bigger arena. The boss only has 3 attacks but 2 of them are what make this boss a slog to get through. He can fire energy waves by swinging his lance like he’s Cloud Strife and a charge attack that has no weaknesses that the game says activates whenever you’re too far from him. Because this is a Sonic game I figured that meant he can only charge if you’re too slow, but if you manage to run ahead of him he’ll charge anyway. But if you get too close to him you could risk either getting hit by a lance beam or by his massive hurtbox. And you might be thinking “why don’t you homing attack the body at that point?” and that’s because he has a shield that blocks all attacks and it’s only worth attacking his body after the second part of the fight where you go to that arena section. In the arena section you have to destroy some cannons and defeat some enemies before getting to the big man himself. You can make him drop his shield by using Thunder Shoot and follow up with your Power character but you probably wouldn’t do as much damage as you were hoping for since in order to do any real damage you’ll have to level your Power character up to level 3 which could take forever in this fight. After a certain amount of time the boss will flee causing you to chase after him again and repeat the boss cycle. But don’t go too fast because then you’ll wind up smacking right into his body or he’ll swat you out the air like a fly with a lance beam attack. And you can’t go too slow or else he’ll just charge at you which if he does it at the wrong time he can intercept your approach and boop you off the map meaning you’ll be dead. And if you thought that was enough, because the developers don’t know how to properly make things different between campaigns you have to fight this motherfucker 4 SEPARATE TIMES. And it doesn’t matter what campaign you go through because you’ll always have a tough time regardless of difficulty. I know it’s the final boss and that it’s meant to be a challenge but holy shit tone it down, there’s kids playing this shit.
And the last campaign involves Team Chaotix and they’re by far my favorite team to play as…and they still have problems. Instead of going through levels the same way you did 3 separate times already it instead focuses on missions. And I have mixed feelings about this. It’s great because it finally keeps things fresh and gives the player another way to experience the game that isn’t platforming focused. The problem is the fact that it’s still the same levels, levels that were meant for an action platformer instead of things finding an x amount of…I don’t know seashells. While the treasure hunting stages were my least favorite aspect of Sonic Adventure 2 they at least did a better job with the concept than some of the collecting missions in Heroes since the maps are built specifically for this kind of gameplay and there was at least a tracker telling you if you were going in the right direction. The Chaotix has you searching through levels you’re meant to speed through while not giving you any sort of tracker to tell you if you’re in the right direction. The Casino Park one in particular was the worst one because of the instructions: “Win 200 Rings!”. Anyone who sees this probably assumes they mean to use the slot machines since we’re a casino level with slot machines built into the pinball tables. But the thing is you can easily just collect 200 rings by playing the stage. But the game doesn’t say collect 200 rings, it says win 200 rings which is the dumbest piece of misinformation in this game and that’s saying something since this game loves to withhold information from the player for no reason. Like did you know you can fire your Thunder Shoot at nothing to charge your team gauge? Or that even though the game says to use a Speed character’s tornado to deal with shield enemies Power characters can punch right through them no problem? You probably didn’t because the game doesn’t tell you this. Anyway the stealth missions are the best ones because Espio’s invisibility is broken. And their Team Blast causes any enemy destroyed to turn into rings and for the duration of the meter any enemy destroyed turns into rings. This is the most broken move in the game. Why? Well remember when I said that the Team Gauge charges from attacking enemies and collecting rings? Well the game counts any rings collected towards the meter. Meaning if you destroy enough enemies at once with this attack you can immediately get your gauge back to repeatedly use again and again. It’s such an easy exploit to pull off that I'm not even surprised that this was left unchecked in all honesty. It even makes the dreaded Robot Storm look like a joke.
So that’s it. You beat all the 4 campaigns and you’d think that it’s time for the usual last story, right?...right? Well unfortunately special stages make a return and with that the 7 Chaos Emeralds. And this is by far the worst one. In the past special stages were unlocked by method of holding at least 50 rings until the end of the stage and jumping into a warp ring in Sonic 1 or holding at least 50 rings and jumping into a star post in Sonic 2 or by jumping into a giant warp ring hidden in the level in Sonic 3 & Knuckles. Sonic Heroes decided they wanna be a bit quirky in a horrible way. In order to access the special stages in this game you have to collect a key hidden in the stage and bring that key with you until the end of the level or mission in order to unlock the special stages and collect the Emeralds…there’s so much wrong with this…Not only is it already easy for the game to send your ass to the shadow realm for existing but if you get hit and lose your key it doesn’t just fall out like rings do, it disappears completely meaning you’ll have to reload at a checkpoint or worse, restart the entire level every single time you get hit. And after you get through that bullshit we get to the special stage itself…if you’ve played this game you already know what’s up. The special stage acts similarly to the half pipe in Sonic 2 but except it’s a full enclosed pipe you run around in. The goal is to collect orbs to fill your boost meter and speed ahead to catch the emerald. It sounds very simple but remember, this game was coded by monkeys with hammers so the physics don’t function. Your character will constantly jitter around while moving making positioning yourself impossible when trying to collect the orbs. You have to pick between a Power or Speed character because Flight characters are too slow to do anything but even then you’re picking your poison. Do you wanna control your character better at the cost of speed or do you wanna go fast in order to get the emerald quickly at the cost of controlling your character? ‘Cause that’s exactly what it feels like. And I'm still not done because each Emerald is locked into every other stage. Sonic 1, 2, and 3 & Knuckles allows you to get the Emeralds as easy as the first 2 or 3 zones if you know what you’re doing. If you miss an emerald in one of the few stages they appear in you’ll have to repeat the level and do everything I just explained ALL OVER AGAIN. WHAT KIND OF COLLECTOR HATING SADISTIC BASTARD THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA WHEN THE EMERALDS ARE REQUIRED TO BEAT ALL OF THE STORY!? Before going in I knew how bad the special stages were while being blissfully unaware how bad the unlock requirements were so I used save states(yes I used an emulator) to collect the emeralds in a timely fashion. Not only did this end up taking longer than expected even with save states but I was forced to keep using them for every time I got hit, sent off the stage, or missed the Emerald causing my save file to corrupt and erase all my data. Which caused the auto save to fail and use exclusively save states to progress. And let me tell you, nothing’s scarier than booting up the game and discovering all of your save data has been completely erased even after you completed 2 campaigns previously.
Before I get into the last couple topics of discussion I'll touch on some minor things that don’t warrant their own paragraph individually. The voice acting is hit or miss with stand outs like Omega and Sonic and then there’s instances of some of the worst voice acting in the series with Tails where they deadass brought an 8 year old to voice the character. “Look at all those Eggman’s robots!”. But it gets weirder since Cream was voiced by an actual voice actress and Charmy was voiced by a teenager. Doesn’t help that the game has the characters not stop talking for every single damn action in the game. It’s the same cheesy lines for the entire playthrough. The game looks ugly with the admittedly improved models having textures that look like they’re plastic toys ready to be sold in some Walmart or Target. The pre rendered cutscenes might be revolutionary at the time but are horribly dated by today’s standards and the in game cutscenes that start at the beginning of boss fights and levels look extremely jittery and stiff with characters’ arms flailing to move into position, Omega’s eyes constantly bugging out, and the camera repeatedly having a stroke. Some assets feel like they are copy/pasted and slapped onto characters that don’t make sense. Omega and Big share the same aura color along with Espio and Sonic sharing the same aura color, purple and blue respectively. Omega’s triple glide animation looks exactly like Knuckles’ even though he could’ve been animated to use his thrusters. Rouge has a weird outfit change that is never used again. Some might think that it could be for censorship reasons but her chest is still exposed through a cleavage slit in the outfit which makes me wonder why they even bothered to change it. Plus her pink eyeshadow is less aesthetically pleasing than her iconic bright blue. It’s unclear if all the teams are doing everything at the same exact time or not making things really confusing.The way the characters are written are all over the place with a mixed bag across the board. Team Dark’s great as characters but then you have Tails who’s portrayed to act like some scaredy baby and Amy who’s been turned into a hyper thirsty yandere that’s willing to beat Sonic into marrying her. But all of that is nothing compared to how dirty they did Shadow.
Every team has their own mini story that drives their plot forwards; Team Sonic has to find and defeat Eggman, Team Rose is looking for their lost friends, Team Chaotix is tryna get the bread, and Omega, specifically Omega, is out to look for Eggman for revenge for locking him in a vault. Shadow though…ok first off, why is he here? He literally sacrificed himself to save the planet Earth from the space colony Ark with characters honoring said sacrifice and mourning his death, Sonic included…But then they decided to bring him back along with amnesia and a clone side story that makes him question who he is. The clone story is the dumbest shit in this entire damn game. As if it wasn’t enough to make him forget all the events of Sonic Adventure 2, which can kinda make sense if he was sent into a coma after crashing on Earth. But now he has to go through some midlife crisis level shit to try and figure out his past and if he’s even real, which spoiler alert: this game doesn’t resolve either plot point. These points were further developed and resolved by the next game; Shadow the Hedgehog which wasn’t the best game by all means but it gave more of a fuck to have a concrete story than Heroes ever did. And what’s worse is if the clones were gonna be brought up again in Shadow the Hedgehog and then be resolved in that same game then what the fuck was the point of doing any of this shit in Heroes!? All that did was leave Shadow’s story on a cliffhanger that accomplished nothing but made fans confused and left them with unanswered questions for 2 years until Shadow the Hedgehog came out.
But finally, after collecting all 7 Chaos Emeralds and beating all 4 Team campaigns you’re rewarded with the Last Story which reveals that Metal Sonic was the real mastermind behind everything that happened in the game so he can copy everyone’s data and assume a powerful new form…that takes way too long to transform into…with Metal Overlord…just to beat Sonic. Not even world domination, just to beat Sonic. While his dedication is admirable it’s a really shallow goal. Plus the buildup towards him being the main big bad isn’t handled as well as it could’ve been. All we get are a background element that people would miss if they’re too focused on just beating the level, an extra animation at the end of a boss cutscene that only appears for Team Sonic and Shadow’s story, and a few lines of dialogue from Team Chaotix’s “client” that makes it clear that it’s Eggman. But it would’ve been better to actually know how all of this happened in the first place. Metal Sonic shows up as Neo Metal Sonic as the first time we see him in this game with no explanation as to how he got this form or how he found out he can copy others’ abilities. Not even a cutscene or backstory from Eggman in the final story, instead he just complains about how they can’t defeat him without the Chaos Emeralds. Without prior knowledge I wouldn’t blame anyone for thinking that Metal Sonic just got a redesign since he hadn't made an appearance in the Adventure era at that time. How cool would it have been to have been given cutscenes showing us Metal Sonic twisting and contorting his body to not only show how he managed to do this in the first place but how far he’s willing to go to beat Sonic without spoiling the final form to leave the audience in suspense before the final act? And him not revealing that he copied Team Rose and Team Chaotix data kinda comes off as him not recognizing their strengths and calling them too weak to copy from, even if he didn’t say so himself. The segment where the teams do their best to weaken Metal Madness for Team Sonic is fine enough except the coding monkeys did it again and made it so that Flying characters can’t do any damage. But then there’s the final battle with Super Team Sonic…Team Super Sonic…uh…a Chaos Emerald powered Team Sonic. Admittedly the fight is really cool with Metal Overlord chucking entire battleships at the player and talking about how he believes he’s the real Sonic as What I’m Made Of blasts in the background. But there’s 2 major things that bring this fight down for me. Sonic Adventure 2 did a similar sequence of the cast of characters help Sonic and Shadow go super and defeat the big bad. Only difference being the buildup was more elaborate and the stakes were higher as if they failed the entire planet was at stake along with the presentation of the final fight being better in every way. One fight takes place in outer space while the other takes place in the sky a vague height above the ground. And most insulting of all they robbed us of bringing back Super Knuckles and Super Tails. This might’ve been because of the retcon of super forms only being possible with male hedgehogs but that was a massive missed opportunity. And after the fight is done Sonic drops one of the corniest one liners in the franchise, the 5th set of unskippable credits scrolls on screen, and the game tells you to do everything again but get to A ranks this time as one final fuck you.
In conclusion the game had a lot of…interesting ideas to say the least in terms of mixing up the Sonic formula. Unfortunately they used too much gas when trying to cook and sent the entire dish ablaze. I think if they let this game simmer a bit more and took at least a year to iron out all the bugs and mishaps since this game was developed in 20 months. As a comparison Sonic Adventure 2 took 18 months to develop and was still better. And while I've made comparisons to past Sonic games I wanna make it clear that I am aware of the flaws those other games have. After all, nothing is perfect. But Sonic Team at least could’ve made sure that their game was worth it in spite of these flaws by tweaking some game mechanics to make them more fun. And feel free to say why you’d think this game is peak Sonic. Alright that’s all, thanks for reading this far and have a fantastic day.

PC
Reddit Account: WingedRabbits
Discord Tag: professorpisstake
Name and House: Valarr Scales
Age: 62
Cultural Group: Valyrian (Westerosi)
Appearance: Valarr is a withered, frail, old man with a permanent scowl on his face - despite this or perhaps because of this, he is quite an imposing character. His hair is white and wispy, and falls just down to his shoulders where it meets his well-maintained beard. A jagged scar runs along the right-side of his face, starting at his lip and twisting up to his ear. Valarr walks with a limp, and is seemingly always clutching his silver cane.
Trait: Numerate
Skill(s): Architect, Avaricious (e), scrutinous, administrator
Talent(s): Haggling, Bargaining, Familial Matters
Negative Trait(s): N/A
Starting Title(s): Lord of the Scales, Lord of house Scales.
Starting Location: Opening
Alternate Characters: Aurion Scales
AC
Name and House: Ser Aurion Scales
Age: 30
Cultural Group: Valyrian (Westerosi)
Appearance: In contrast to his father, Aurion is a strapping, elegant man. He has wonderful, straight, brown hair which droops down to his shoulders, and a fine beard. He wears bright, fanciful clothing - which makes him stand out like a sore thumb against his father and his father's retinue, who tend to wear dull, dark clothes. Aurion has a well-mannered stride.
Trait: Just
Skill(s): Vanguard, Two-Handed Weapons, Armored
Talent(s): Public Speaking, Fashion, Charm
Negative Trait(s): N/A
Starting Title(s): Heir to The Scales,
Starting Location: Opening Event
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bio-Timeline

37 BC - Valarr is born as the first child of Lord Aurane Scales. He is born a sickly child. Maester Corwyn begins taking care of Valarr.
36 BC - Valarr is declared healthy by Maester Corwyn. He is expected to grow into a healthy young child. A daughter is born to Lord Aurane Scales. She is named Helicent, after her grandmother. She is said to have cried for hours after her birth.
32 BC - Another son is born to Lord Aurane. He is named Edric. Young Valarr begins his tutelage under his father. Luthor Scales is born to Valarr’s uncle, Lucerys ‘The Wise’. Luthor weighed ten pounds at birth.
31 BC - Pirates assault The Scales in a surprise raid. Although they are repelled, the damage they dealt will be felt for years to come. Valarr is given a cat for his nameday - he affectionately names it “Balerion”, after the dragon which he often saw soaring above.
29 BC - Helicent becomes subject to relentless bullying by some older kids in court. Valarr witnesses this, and starts teaching Helicent how to fight back using techniques he had learned from his father and his other tutors. The siblings become friends. Johanna Scales is born to Lucerys ‘The Wise’.
27 BC - Following his tenth nameday, Valarr is sent to study in Dragonstone for a year. He grows to miss his siblings greatly, though. Valaena Targaryen allows Valarr to hold and play with the newborn Aegon on occasion, which helps him deal with his homesickness when his parents did not visit. Edric begins his tutelage under Lord Aurane.
26 BC - Valarr returns home from his year-long stay in Dragonstone. Valarr and Edric struggle to get along - but find common ground in their hatred of their oafish cousin Luthor.
24 BC - Aurane begins teaching Valarr how to command and lead armies, and how to manage a domain. Valarr shows unusual aptitude with the logistics and management of a fiefdom.
22 BC - Edric begins shirking his studies to spend time at the local port. Valarr and Luthor’s rivalry intensifies.
21 BC - Valarr celebrates his 16th nameday, and the beginning of his adult life. His studies under his father conclude. Valarr struggles with his feelings for his sister. They share their first kiss. Aurane announces that Helicent is to be betrothed to Maekar Belaerys. Valarr is upset.
20 BC - Helicent celebrates her 16th nameday, and is wed to Maekar Belaerys. Valarr leaves The Scales for Dragonstone, to serve in the court of the Targaryens.
16 BC - Edric and Luthor both celebrate their 16th nameday. Edric takes the first chance he gets to sign on as a sailor with a merchant ship, right under his father’s nose. Lord Aurane is infuriated. Luthor undergoes a growth-spurt, and by the end of it - he is as tall and broad as men twice his age.
14 BC - Luthor begins frequenting brothels on Dragonstone and brings home his first bastard. The child is named Aerion. Valarr does not enjoy having to explain to Lord Targaryen that Luthor’s choice of name was meant as a compliment, rather than an insult.
13 BC - Lucerys ‘The Wise’ falls ill with consumption. He is dead within the year. There is a suspicious increase in the number of silver-haired babies born on Dragonstone this year.
10 BC - Luthor brings home a second bastard child, and names this one Aegon. Valarr returns to The Scales after spending the last few years serving in the court of the Targaryens. Luthor and Valarr begin to bicker constantly. Lord Aurane falls ill. Valarr begins courting Calla Blackberry.
8 BC - Edric returns home after receiving word of his father’s condition - with him, he brings a Tyroshi woman named Rohanne and a young child. He explains that he and Rohanne fell in love during his time in Essos, and wed. The child is their son, Elyas. Valarr is just glad to see his brother again.
7 BC - Lord Aurane dies clutching at his heart during a feast. Valarr becomes the new Lord of House Scales, and is eager to make his father proud. New construction efforts within the Scales begin immediately.
6 BC - Lord Valarr marries Calla Blackberry. He commissions a suit of plate-armour - decorated with ornamental scales across the breastplate and base. Calla becomes pregnant.
5 BC - Aurion Scales is born to Valarr and Calla.
2 BC - Triston Scales is born to Valarr and Calla.
2 BC - Aegon Targaryen declares his intention to unite the Seven Kingdoms. Valarr Scales is among one of his first and most ardent supporters. When Aegon rallied his banners, Valarr was the first to arrive. When Aegon landed in the Blackwater Bay, Valarr was one of the first to feel the sand under his boots. Alongside Valarr was his brother Edric and cousin Luthor. The trio were unstoppable on the battlefield. Valarr and his men participate in the Battle of the Reeds and Wailing Willows.
1 BC - The Last Storm. Valarr, his brother, and his cousin all fought on the front line. Valarr commanded his men from atop his horse. They withstood the Storm King’s initial assaults, but upon his fourth charge the line broke. Argilac’s spearmen surrounded his position and picked off his retinue - eventually, they even got Valarr. They butchered his horse and pierced his hip. Valarr fell from his saddle, and then his horse fell on him - or at least, on his right leg. He eventually managed to free himself, only to be met with a hammer directly to his face. He was lucky the padding beneath his helmet took most of the impact. He was found the following morning by healers, and carried back to camp for treatment. Many of his bones had been broken, and much of the skin on the right side of his face was only hanging on by threads. Despite this, he made a miraculous recovery after a short battle with infection. However, his leg never healed right - and it seemed unlikely he would ever be able to fight again because of it.
1 BC - The Field of Fire. After Orys Baratheon’s successful campaign in the Stormlands, Valarr and his forces were reassigned to fight once more under Aegon’s banner - this time in his conquest of the Reach. Valarr did not participate directly in the Field of Fire, rather he was put in charge of managing the logistics for Aegon’s army. He was to make sure Aegon’s men were fed and supplied for the duration of his campaign in the Reach, and Valarr excelled at this job. When the day came that Aegon’s forces met the combined forces of the Kingdoms of the Rock and the Reach, Valarr took position as one of Aegon’s commanders. Although he was not in any chief leadership position for the battle, he played a role in devising the crescent formation that would keep Aegon’s men from being surrounded. Edric and Luthor again fought on the frontlines.
1 AC - Valarr is present for Aegon’s coronation. Valarr returns home to the Scales with Edric and Luthor in tow.
2 AC - Valarr commissions a Qohorik blacksmith to forge a cane to assist with walking. The cane is to be made half of lightweight silver and half of polished black wood, and the silver is to be engraved in the style of scales, with the handle of the cane to be fashioned in the style of a dragon’s head. The commission nearly halves Valarr’s treasury. Edric is given the task of staying in Qohor until the cane is completed, and then returning it to Valarr.
3 AC - Valarr’s cane is finished. Edric returns with it in haste. Luthor sires another bastard - Brea ‘Waters’.
5 AC - Rohanne Quaynis gives birth to a daughter. Edric names her Rohanne, after her mother. Luthor and his sister Johanna begin an affair. Valarr begins renovations of his holdfast - with the goal of elevating his home into a proper Keep. Aerion ‘Waters’ becomes known as a formidable warrior.
7 AC - Several pregnancies coincide this year, causing the House to grow quite a bit. Valarr and Calla introduce their daughter Cyrenna Scales to the world. Edric and his wife have a son, who they name ‘Aurane’, after Edric’s father. Luthor and Johanna have a bastard of incest together. They might have been able to keep their affair a secret, but Johanna dies during childbirth and Luthor takes open responsibility for the child. She is named Rhaenys. Luthor begins to spiral into his vices, namely drink and food. Aegon ‘Waters’ leaves The Scales to search for work as a mercenary.
7 AC - Valarr attends Aegon’s feast in King’s Landing. He reconnects with his King, and they share many stories of their childhood and their younger years, and then stories of their time during the Conquest. Valarr leaves to handle some issues with his family. By the time he returns, Aegon has already been wounded. After a few tense days of waiting, Aegon’s death is made public. Valarr mourns the loss of his King, and his friend.
8 AC - Luthor finally marries after spending years as a bachelor. He has a daughter with his new wife. He names his first trueborn child ‘Saera’.
10 AC - Aurion Scales - son of Valarr - reaches his tenth nameday. He is sent to live in the court of Dragonstone for a year. Triston grows resentful of his brother. Luthor has a son, who he names Morgan.
11 AC - Aurion returns from Dragonstone. Luthor has another daughter, who he names Falyse. Elyas Scales - son of Edric - marries.
12 AC - Triston has a bastard son with a servant girl. He names him Oswyn. Elyas has twins, who he names Lucerys and Casella.
14 AC - Edric arranges a betrothal for his daughter Rohanne, but she refuses to marry. Rohanne hides on a merchant ship as a stowaway. Rohanne winds up in Pentos and begins living as a beggar.
15 AC - Many Scales attend Orys’ Kingswood hunt, including Edric, Aurion, and Elyas. Elyas is struck down during the Kingswood Catastrophe by brigands while protecting his mother - who is also slain. Edric is distraught over the death of both his son and his beloved wife. Aurion displays great bravery during the event, and manages to free a group of hostages on his own while slaying a small band of brigands. For his bravery and courage, Aurion is knighted.
16 AC - Edric boards a ship bound for King’s Landing. During the voyage, he is reported to have flung himself overboard in an apparent act of suicide. His body could not be found. Valarr is very upset to have lost his brother. Valarr makes up with his cousin Luthor.
18 AC - Aurion leaves Dragonstone for the mainland, and begins traveling across Westeros as a hedge-knight - focusing on fighting in tourneys, and helping anyone who needs it. Rohanne joins up with the Company of the Rose after years of begging and stealing to survive.
20 AC - Triston Scales begins aiding his father with his duties, as Valarr becomes increasingly frail. Brea ‘Waters’ leaves The Scales on a ship to Storm’s End. She bounces between port towns until she winds up Tyrosh, where she joins up with a band of pirates.
21 AC - Aerion ‘Waters’ becomes the Master-At-Arms of The Scales, replacing ‘old’ Ser Clayton.
22 AC - Oswyn ‘Waters’ becomes entranced with books and legends and history. He is never seen without a book in his hand.
23 AC - Brea ‘Waters’ manages to become the captain of her own vessel, ‘The Black Wyrm’. Her crew is a nuisance to many traders along the coasts of the Free Cities.
24 AC - Valarr is discontent with the state of House Scales, and with how little recognition they have received despite their contributions to their liege. He drafts plans to forge alliances with as many houses as he can, and to build up the prestige and power of his house.
25 AC - Present. Valarr, Aurion, Luthor and a few other members of House Scales attend the festivities in The Kingswood.
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
House Scales in 25 AC

[First] [Previous] [Next]
For a moment I am shocked. If I had expected anyone to be here, aside from the Librarian herself, it would be Ricardo! But I guess the world is trying to surprise me today? Then again, considering the rumors, miss Pelafina wasn’t that much of an outrage either.

Then it hits me. What does she mean ‘took you long enough’, huh!?

“She was waiting for y—”

Yes I get that part! Was this whole deal a game for her?

I take my first steps towards her, a little indignant and I feel it is justified, but then I notice something in the corner of my eye. Movement. I immediately turn on my heels to face it: there’s shades of black in the darkness, at least in one spot. Soon, a figure steps up from the corner of the room, dressed in a long black cloak, dressing pants and elegant shoes. The hood covers their head and some magical darkness obscurs their eyes, but I can see a few locks of green hair slip from underneath the shadow.

The figure lifts a hand, they are even wearing black gloves! That’s some commitment to the bit.

“Yo. The name is Lucía. Sorry for skulking around but it is kind of my job; I assume you already know Overseer Pelafina?” She smirks. “She gets around! She said she was waiting for a Bastard to arrive but, Hell, we thought it was just an excuse of hers to skip work!”

“I am very responsible, excuse you.” Pelafina frowns, shaking her head softly. “Ignore Lucy, dear. She’s just my assigned guard, here to keep me safe!”

Her assigned guard? So she IS with the Cloaks after all! I mean, if the cloak she’s wearing wasn’t indication enough. I don’t like her, not one bit. She’s smiling too much, just balancing on her heels and toes while I stand there. I don’t wanna say I hate her, we’ve barely exchanged words… but I don’t like her. Not one bit.

I decide to take Pelafina’s words to heart and ignore her, when another thing hits me.

“Overseer Pelafina!? But you’re just the lady from the bookstore!” I think my eyes are going to jump right out of my skull like in one of those old cartoons.

“A girl has to move up in this world if she wants to survive.” The old lady chuckled, just a little bit. “You know my name, but I never truly caught yours though. How do we call you, dear?”

Fuck, here we go with names again… but hey, maybe this is a great chance to build a new identity for myself!

“People call me Tav.” I say, trying to puff up my chest a bit.

“That was not what she asked though!” Lucía intervenes with a singsongy voice.

“Oh let her have her own nom de guerre, Lucy. It’s adorable!” Having these two messing with me is really going to be bad for my health. I’ll have to endure it though. “Alright then, Tav. If you’re here, I assume you managed to read through the book at least a bit?”

I flinch. Just how much does this woman know? Did she know the contents of the book from the start? Is this a weird ‘Hero’s journey’ situation? A mysterious adventure she has sent me into so I grow as a person?

Or is she just fucking with me.

“Well? Don’t keep me waiting! It’s been days!” Pelafina insists with a twinkle shining in her eyes.

“... I have a few words translated.” I managed to say.

“Oh great! So Humiko left you hints. That’s great.”

“Miss Pelafina–”

“Please, just call me P.”

“Uhm. Miss P.” I gulp. “Just how much do you know of the book, exactly?”

“Well, Humiko asked me personally to keep it safe, so that’s one thing.” The overseer counts with her fingers. “I know it is written in Magic Runes, which… shouldn’t be possible, and yet, there it is! I trust Humiko enough to know it has to be real.”

“Wait.” I blink. “What do you mean ‘shouldn’t be possible’?”

“Magic is not a language, or at least it hasn’t been understood as one until… well, right now.” The old lady smiles a bit wider. “If you manage to make more sense of it than a few phrases, you’d be making history, boy!”

Again with the damn gendering… I frown a little bit but, try not to make it too visible. I gotta focus.

“Yeah, get it together. This is not the time for your ridiculous whining.”

Sigh.

“So you know what the book is, but you don’t know what it says.”

“To be honest, I am not really sure what it is either.” Pelafina admits with an embarrassed grin. “All I know is that it is a project Humiko had for a long time already, and according to her express instructions, the hints could only be read by a sleeper.”

I haven’t really checked if I can no longer check Humiko’s note in the book, so there’s homework for when I return.

“I am sorry we put this on you with deceit and all, but would you have really believed me if I said ‘You have to study magic’ just like that?” The old lady shrugs. “It was necessary, and if Ricardo could see the potential in you, then this was surely the correct choice.”

“Is Ricardo an Overseer too?” I feel like that is a sensible question.

“Oh heavens no, he’s a Sleeper. Not a word of this to him, you hear me?” P’s gesture grows severe for a moment. “I don’t want him involved in such things at his age. He had enough adventures already.”

I guess the rumors of Ricardo being a world-trotting adventurer are also true. Huh.

“So. Tell me, what did you learn?”

She’s very eager… I can notice Lucía’s gaze on me, too. They are both very, very eager.

“This doesn’t make sense.”

Right? It’s all wrong.

The book’s first warning was to avoid the cloaks, and yet here’s P! Just hanging out with this one, talking about the book like it’s nothing!

Well, if it’s true that she doesn’t know the contents, I can lie through my teeth!

“Well… I’ve learned a few characters. Do you have somewhere to write?” My body suddenly relaxes, my demeanor tightens. I may be bad at many things, but lying? I was born lying in this world and I can keep it up no matter what.

“Ah, sure. Lucy!”

The guard walks up to me casually, offering me a fancy black leather notebook decorated with a golden apple and a silver arrow piercing it. She even opens the yellow pages for me, and provides a cheap plastic pen.

I nod, and quickly begin scribbling.

I scribble ‘Tlo’i’, ‘Golthoi’ and ‘Thako’ with their respective symbols.

“There. These are the ones I’ve learned.”

Lucía looks at me dead in the eye for a moment. I can feel the sharpness of her wit, she’s trying to read me… but it will be useless. I am in a dissertation now, bitch. I’ve been doing these for years, it’s my one skill.

“Interesting.” Lucía nods.

“So, what do these mean?” Pelafina approaches us to check on the symbols. “Terrible calligraphy, by the way.”

“Yeah, I know.” The confidence abandons me for a moment, before I puff up my chest again and begin talking. “The first one is the word for ‘Butterfly’. The second one is a word for the action of turning something on, the third one… I am not sure yet.”

“When used on a spell, it makes the effect happen upon touching the glyph.” Lucía knows. “It’s a very common one.”

“Glyph?” I tilt my head.

“She means a combination of Runes, dear.” P smiles warmly. “Alright, so ‘Butterfly’, ‘Ignite’ and ‘Touch’, then?”

I never said ‘Ignite’ for Golthoi, but I guess that is a interpretation of it?

… Interesting. That these things have different meanings in different contexts, would that affect casting?

“Ah, I also found this.” I draw ‘Jo’ in the book. “Does this mean anything?”

“That one is used to counteract spells. If you draw this in a Glyph, it cancels its effect.” Lucía seems happy to provide the knowledge I lack.

I actually appreciate it, for it immediately made something click in my brain.

“It means ‘No’.” A voice whispers in my head, my own voice.

Yes. It’s a negative. That’s why it isn’t so common on its own. When added to another symbol, it negates it. ‘No-Light’ must be a way to say ‘Darkness’ or such… or… backwards, ‘No-Darkness’ equals ‘Light’.

Would this be dependent on the culture?

I smile a little bit to myself. This knowledge I will keep up my sleeve for now.

“What’s that smile for? Did you see something new?” Lucía is way too sharp to keep that smile from. I have to make something up quick.

“I realized I now know how to counter spells. That’s so cool…” I whisper to myself, channeling some of that wonder into my lie.

She seems to buy it, for she immediately focuses on correcting me.

“Knowing the Counterspell Rune is not enough, there are other factors to consider, so don’t go around trying to counter every spell so quickly.” She give me a smile I really dislike.

“Hmmm… well, that’s plenty for now,if that is all.” Pelafina shrugs softly. “It is quite late already… go back home for now, Tav.”

“B-But. I have so many questions!” I immediately pout. Saints damn it, so close to learn actually useful stuff!

“Yes, but sadly I cannot teach you. As the Overseer, I am bound by oath to remain neutral and not show favoritism for anyone.” The woman shrugged. “So, I can’t really teach you much. But, if you identify more words, I can definitely give you a few more pointers!”

“Fine…” A defeated sigh escapes my lips. So I’ll have to buy knowledge with knowledge, hmm? I look at Lucía for a second.

“Nope. I am too young to teach.” She immediately denies me.

“Tsk.” I look down… but then, an idea comes to me. Just a confirmation I need to get. “Can I check more stuff online? Maybe there’s resources out there…”

Pelafina frowns, looking at Lucía and waiting for her to explain. She eventually does, with a sigh.

“The process of getting on the internet as a mage is hard. You need a special router and everything, it’s honestly not worth it.” The guard shakes her head. “If you want, we can provide you one next time. But really, there aren’t many resources online for this… mages are isolationists, usually.”

Ah hah! So they don’t know of the forum! Alright then, that’s another point to my advantage.

“I don’t think I’ll need that, I have enough with mundane internet thank you very much.” I chuckle a little bit.

“I never got the so called ‘interwebs’ to be honest.” P grins. “Now, off to bed you go. Shoo, shoo. Remember coming back here at night, alright? That’s when it is nice and empty.”

Honestly, a nice and empty place to try and translate sounds fine to me. But I can just do that at home…

Besides. These people are dripfeeding me the information I need, so they are probably not trustworthy in the slightest.

I feel a little bad for not trusting Pelafina immediately, but…

“She threw you into this mess without consent.”

“Yeah, fuck her.”

Right.

“Alright then, I am going. Thank you again for everything, miss P!” I fail to hold back a yawn as I turn around and stand on the stairs. They… are still going up. “Uh.”

“The other stairs dear, there’s a magic escalator down.” Lucía tries not to laugh at my face, and fails.

“A-Ah, thank you.”

With a heavy sigh, I take the right escalator this time and disappear down the stairs. Looking at my clock, it’s already three in the morning…time to sleep for sure.

With some luck, the pillow will make this all make much more sense.


As Tav finally disappeared from the Elysium, and the sound of a closing door echoed through the room, Pelafina let out a little sigh, shaking her head.

“This isn’t going to work.” She commented, crossing her arms. “This girl is no good.”

“She seems smart enough. The type to keep notes….” Lucía suggested, her smile growing slowly.

“What are you suggesting?”

“Well. If we give her a few months and turns out she doesn’t make any breakthroughs, we can always… you know.”

“I don’t.”

“We can take her stuff.” Lucía finally said. “Just erase her memory and take the book and the notes back! With some luck, she probably took notes of the hints.”

“...Lucy, you’re diabolical.” The old crone chuckled loudly. “Ohhh, I guess we will get our chips back no matter how this gamble goes, then!”

“Of course! But I still don’t know why we can’t just go to a family of Mages and put this on their sleeper child!”

“That bitch Humiko probably thought of something like that.” A grumble escaped from the old lady. “This is our safest bet.”

“Well, I am just saying. If this experiment of yours doesn’t pay up, I may have to talk about this with the rest of the Coven…~” Lucía’s eyes were, for a moment, fully visible under that hood, brightly green. “And you know the captain wouldn’t like you skulking around with unapproved knowledge.~”

“Oh shush, you won’t.” Pelafina seemed quite confident of this. “Not after coming this close to finally finding that bitch…”

The overseer sighed, looking up to the fake stars for a moment while rubbing her hands together. What was this she felt? Anxiety?

“... It has to work, Lucía.” She finally said. “It has to.”

“What if it doesn’t though?” The guard tilted her head.

“It has to… it is our only way to free our King from his cell.”

“Welp, let’s hope this girl works fast!”

“I know. After all, King Hamil isn’t a patient man.”

This is a straight to the point buyers guide for people that are wondering if any of the AL ships are worth buying or not. I am here to give you an idea of what's worth, and what's not. I will rank them in descending order for convenience. Keep in mind that these are from my own opinions on the game: my word is not law. These are just my recommendations from my personal experience and a spur of the moment deal personally.

Best Pick: AL Montpelier

This is a premium version of Cleveland, the USN tier VIII CL. However, unlike the later AL premiums, AL Montpelier was unique in at least, a very minor way: She has tighter shot grouping due to a 2.15 sigma versus the standard 2.0 at the cost of slower reload at 0.5 sec slower (7 sec vs 6.5 sec). The result is overall consistent salvos, at the cost of just a little DPM that can be fixed with Adrenaline Rush and Top Grade Gunner, depending on how you build her.
Besides that, she also has un-nerfed version of radar, at a 30 sec vs 27 sec on Cleveland. That doesn't sound like a big deal, but if you run Consumable Enchantments and or Surveillance Radar Mod 1, you have a larger number that the percent based changes will take affect on. Essentially, with both the commander skill and 2nd slot upgrade, you get 39.6 sec vs 35.6 seconds on duration. So a radar build is not bad compared to Cleveland. Besides that, she doesn't have access to the catapult fighter consumable, but that is super seceded by radar and anyways so who cares.
And above all else, it is a Cleveland, which is IMO, a very competitively viable cruiser at tier VIII, with it's very small citadel, thin profile / narrow beam that leads to a lot of over-penetrations, good DPM, good concealment, and good AA. It really only lacks in the speed, gun range, and shell flight time problems, which can be remedied with skill and positioning.
As far as the commander voice acting, Rie Takahashi voices Montpelier. If you do not know who that is or do not care, and just want to know if the commander's voice is annoying or not, then be happy that she isn't overtly grating compared to some of the other commanders you can get. I find her rather composed, cool, and relaxed, fitting the trope of kuudere, if you even know what that means.
TLDR: Premium Cleveland with higher sigma, slightly lower RoF, Longer lasting radar.

Runner Up: AL Sovetsky Rossiya

This is a premium version of Sovetsky Soyuz, the VMF (Soviet Navy) Tier IX BB. Like Montpelier, she is slightly unique to her tech tree counterpart, bar being premium, by having standard battleship dispersion (USN, Royal Navy, German, etc.) instead of Russian BB dispersion formula that gets way better inside 15km. She does also have 1.8 sigma versus 1.7 sigma, for slightly tighter shot grouping. So, while Soyuz excels at mid range, Rossiya excels at long range, which does reasonably well considering the average high tier meta these days.
Other than that, you retain all the upsides of Fast action Damage Control Parties, the tough hull design of the Sovetsky Soyuz. The only other thing you DO NOT get is the AA, as she has the Hull A of Sovetsky Soyuz, and in turn has worse AA overall. In fact, she has such bad AA that only Musashi beats her out in having worse AA for Tier IX battleships. So yeah, CVs that know their targets will have free reign on you, so stick close to allies in CV matches.
Now a I'll be honest with you, Rossiya is not a super competitive BB at tier IX, so this choice is really just down to being different in few ways instead of blatant copy paste. Really, only AL Montpelier is the only super competitive option here. So above all else, Rossiya is a side grade if anything and you should not fear of having FOMO for not getting her. Besides, she's not an historical ship that is going to get removed because it was OP, so fret not (COUGH COUGH MUSASHI, COUGH COUGH ALASKA, COUGH COUGH MISSOURI).
Lastly, the commander is voiced by Manami Numakura. I can really only characterize her as cool, tough, deep voiced anime woman archetype. I dunno really how to explain it that well, so I apologize for anyone that likes her due to my poor description.
TLDR: Premium Sovetsky Soyuz Hull A with 1.8 sigma and standard battleship dispersion.
OK, with those two out of the way, I want to put a disclaimer here that the next ships are purely optional and not super worth it IMO and really only selected for being different than the rest, I.E. not something that is currently offered in other ships / premium ships already in-game.

Optional 1st Pick: AL Prinz Heinrich

This is a premium version of Prinz Heinrich, the tier VII german battlecruiser of the Ersatz Yorck class. She is a 1 for 1 copy of Prinz Heinrich: no special differences here besides premium benefits.
Now, while she is not unique in any way, she is not a bad battlecruiser for tier VII standards. This mainly comes down to the 50mm deck plating she has in a tier wrought with battleships with just 26mm of plating on their decks. Really, any tier VII battleship that has more than 27mm of plating is really competitive in this tier, simply because they don't get overmatched or full-penned by HE. It's sort of why Scharnhorst '43 is so popular and good, since she doesn't get chunked for 10k when hit by 15 in + guns (380mm guns for ya'll metric nerds).
Besides that, she's not slow as hell, going at a decent 28 knots, has 15in guns herself, has fast acting DCP, and is the first ship in the german battlecruisefast battleship line that gets that sweet improved secondary dispersion formula, which despite the 9km max range, means that she has free DPM to let the game play itself essentially. Combined with torpedoes, she can bum rush many slower and weaker battleships that the german battlecruiser line is famous for. And on top of all that, she also has hydro for better pushing to see torpedoes earlier, or push smoked up ships.
Now for some cons, the guns, while using battlecruiser dispersion have an awful 1.5 sigma, so your shot grouping is... bad. Do not be surprised if a lot of your shells in your salvo get a mind of their own. Besides that, she's on the below average end of HP for tier VII, at 56k. Also, she does have 25mm bow and stern. She does have a 30mm extended belt (colloquially known as an ice breaker), which is followed by 120mm extended belt, that protects the lower portion of the ship from overmatch bar 18in guns that she MIGHT face in the likes of Georgia, Sun Yat Sen, Musashi, and Tsurugi, and Adatara. Still, that doesn't mean she is immune from overmatch, as the odd shell can still get through her bow and stern and chunk you, so do not bet on it 100%.
Now that is for the most part, the review. However, for any true fans out there, they know that Prinz Heinrich from AL is actually a P-Class cruiser, AKA Schill in this game. Since Schill was a limited time ship that required whaling for her, and that wargaming dropped the ball and just did "Oh this ship has the same name! Here ya go!" then you know how much this kind of sucks. If you just like Prinz Heinrich, and want her as a premium, you can ignore this tidbit, but for any true fans that DO NOT have Schill, you're shit outta luck.
As far as commander goes, the voice actor, Hiyori Nitta, does a wonderful job characterizing a carefree and bubbly character. As previously mentioned, I recommend putting her on Schill if you really care about game accuracy, that is, if you even had Schill to begin with.
TLDR: Premium Prinz Heinrich copy-paste. Get it only if you really like Prinz Heinrich (the ship) which is actually pretty good for its tier, and want a premium version of it, or Prinz Heinrich as the character.

Optional 2nd Pick: AL Shimakaze

Hoo boy, this one might be controversial. This is a special ship (NOT a premium ship) of IJN DD, Shimakaze.
Shimakaze really needs no introduction. It is the old school torpedo boat that coined the phrase "Torpedo soup" or at least contributed to that phrase. It can put 3x5 23k damage, 12km Type 93 long lance torpedoes into the water. It has some of the best concealment for her tier, getting down to 5.6km surface detect, and good speed at 39 kts (42 kts when speed boost is active). It has been here since the games launch, and well, admittedly, or at least in my opinion, has seen better days.
Still, while some other DDs might have powercrept her a little, you can't mistake the fact that a well played Shimakaze can terrorize a team that lacks the tools to pin her down. Even if that is seldom the case most of the time (48% win rate on NA out of 8 million battles), the ship still has strong tools when played to it's strengths. 23k damage torpedoes are no joke... if you get hit by them at least, as they have a pretty awful average reaction time of ~9.35 sec (according to wows ship builder). Now, this can be sort of remedied with building for torpedo speed, getting torpedo tubes mod 1 and swift fish to decrease that time to ~8.5 sec, but that's still far above the average of 7.8 sec most torpedoes have in other nations. Still, if you get the right angle, devstriking a full HP battleship is not uncommon if you get a perfectly lined up shot. Thing is, it takes WAY more skill and positioning than you think it does, especially considering that most top tier players sort of know what they're doing, and that a lot of top tier ships can run hydroacoustic search these days.
Combined with the fact that she has some of the worse gun DPM of any tier X DD, and has fairly low HP for the tier, it can be fairly hard to play this ship unless you get just the best matchmaking ever. It's a real feast or famine type ship, which I would say summarizes most of the IJN Shimakaze line in general, bar maybe the mid tiers. All this really means is that Shimakaze is NOT the most competitive DD at tier X, as arguably many other nations have better torpedo boats, or better yet, opt for hybrid boats that can defend themselves fairly well, such as the Pan Euro DDs. Still, as mentioned earlier, if played to her strengths, she can be a good ship, but all I am arguing for is that she is not a meta ship, at least in my opinion.
Now, onto the whole Special Ship thing. Yes, this IS a tier X ship that can be bought for money. And YES, this is like the ARP Yamato deal, allowing noob whales to skip to tier X and forgo all the blood sweat and tears that goes into grinding to top tier. And YES, IT'S A SHIMAKAZE, THE TIER X NOOB MACHINE. I DO NOT HAVE HIGH HOPES FOR MANY AL SHIMAKAZE PLAYERS EITHER. With that out of the way, what benefit do you get for getting a special ship version of Shimakaze?
Well, to start, Special ships essentially have the premium bonus package already baked in, I.E: +50% Credits, +100% Ship XP, +100% Commander XP, +100% Free XP. On top of that, you also have a reduced repair cost compared to a standard tier X. Besides that, you can freely swap commanders onto this ship like a premium ship with no retraining required, making it a good trainer. These are the ONLY 2 reasons that make this ship more economically viable compared to Shimakaze. While the bonus package on Shimakaze can achieve 1 of these 3 effects, the other two, reduced repair cost and free commander swapping, puts this above standard Shimakaze as a result.
So, unfortunately, This is a slightly better Shimakaze. So if you REALLY like Shimakaze, and want a premium version of it, well, here it is, for a lot of goddamn money. Like $100+ expensive. Go figure ya know?
Also, the commander is voiced by Saori Hayami.
TLDR: Special Ship verison of Shimakaze. Take if you are a whale have a lot of expendable income to burn, AND really like Shimakaze (The ship), and or really like Shimakaze (the AL character).

Optional 3rd Pick: AL Yukikaze

AL Yukikaze is a similar version of the IJN DD Kagero, but with F8 torpedoes and no option for torpedo reload booster.
Now, this is the last of the semi-unique AL ships, as every other one has been copy-paste. Yukikaze at the very least is different in that she has F8 torpedoes. These differ than Kagero's choice by having less range, (8km vs 10km), higher damage (21k vs 20k), faster reload (104 sec vs 112 sec), and higher speed (76kts to 67kts) which also leads to a better reaction time of ~8.8 sec vs ~9.45 sec.
Now, does this make Yukikaze better? No, not really, as 8km is rather short range for high tier standards. It does make them almost break past ~8 sec reaction time with a full torpedo speed build, the best of any type 93 torpedo, but combined with the fact that it has no other differences in gun handling, DPM, HP, and consumables, I find this shorter ranged torpedo to be a high risk high reward setup, which already exacerbates high tier IJN DD gameplay further than it already is, being so heavily feast or famine.
I can really only recommend this ship if you really like Kagero for whatever reason and really like the 8km F8 playstyle. That and if you like the history of the ship and or like the character of the ship, voiced by Kana Yuuki, despite how annoying and self aggrandizing her character is made out to be.
TLDR: Kagero but 8km F8 torpedoes.
OK, now for the ships I really do not recommend at all for varying reasons. The reviews are going to be more brief from here on out.

Skip 1: AL Cheshire

Only get this if you really, REALLY want to get Cheshire right now. Currently, regular Cheshire is off sale, and cannot be obtained. For whatever reason you think you might need Cheshire, this is the only way to obtain her at the moment in AL form. Which more than likely means that if you want her, you are more than likely a fan of the AL character, as the ship itself is pretty bad. Kind of polarizing given that Cheshire in AL is pretty meta, and her in WoWs she's pretty solidly in D tier for competitiveness.
She is essentially a worse Albemarle, having no Spotter Plane, and garbage DPM for the tier. Really, the 9.2 in guns really only offer 59mm of pen vs 34mm, and better AP pen with overall flatter flight times, but not by much. The armor is Okayish, but trust me when you will get smacked through your bow and stern often, as you have a stepped citadel that if you get overmatched through either direction, you WILL get citadelled. While you get that 50% cit and hull repair party, it really doesn't matter that much when it happens so often, or you just get straight up dev striked. Combined with the lack of spotter plane, that 16km gun range will feel really short, especially when you are bottom tier.
You can at least be happy that the AA she has is up to par in how she is in AL, as it's best in class for her tier. Well, mostly, but her Flak Count is above average at 6+1, and combined with always having defensive fire, I recommend getting the commander skill Focus Fire Training, so you get that +1 flak cloud for 8 in total, which combined with Defensive fires flak buff, those flak bursts will do 7k a pop, Which is the equivalent to instantly destroying about 7 to 3 planes depending on the type if they run into it while DF is active.
Besides that, the commander is voiced by Shizuka Ishigami, and well, pretends to be a catgirl.
TLDR: Get this if you really really, REALLY want Cheshire and you don't have one, or because you really like the AL character.

Skip 2: AL Hornet

This is just Hornet. You can get her cheaper with a 25% discount coupon. It's also a CV, which I imagine is not everyones cup of tea.
The commander is voiced by Nozomi Yamamoto, and personally, I enjoy the happy go lucky characterization she has. This might be the ONLY reason you want to get Hornet, that or because you like the cool skin the ship has, and or the free 10 point commander.
TLDR: Get regular Hornet with 25% discount. ONLY buy this if you love AL Hornet (the character) to pieces.

Skip 3 & 4: AL Azuma and AL Agir

These two are just Agir and Azuma, coal ships, that you can get absolutely for free. They are also not really the best Tier IX cruisers anyways, as Azuma is super vulnerable to battleships, and Agir doesn't match up to the likes of other large cruisers at this tier.
That said, I can only imagine you getting these ships for the same reasons for Hornet, and that is because you are a fan of the AL characterization of these ships, as Azuma is voiced by Kiyono Yasuno, and Agir, Ayane Sakura. Or you just like the ship skins.
TLDR: Get Azuma and or Agir for free with Coal. ONLY buy this if you love AL Agir / AL Azuma (the characters).

BONUS: Commander Pack

Hahaha no. Unless you really love AL and don't mind by dropping... looks at price... 100$+ USD and getting a ton of fully voiced commanders, then go for it. The only other reason would be because you are a fresh player and need 10 point commanders for most of the nations in this game, which is really only useful if you need say concealment expert on destroyers for example, then sure, go for it if you find that to be an OK option.

EDIT: BONUS BONUS: AL Littorio

I forgot AL Roma, I mean AL Littorio is also a thing, and on an 80% sale.
Anyways, Roma herself sucks.
The guns have so much muzzle velocity that you will overpen targets 50% of the time. Combined with the Italian / french dispersion, which is one of the worst battleship dispersion formulas for battleships. So, they are fairly inconsistent guns as a result. Still, if the guns behave, they are pretty mean, as they have a lot of penetration for 15 in guns, on par with some of the best penetration for tier VIII battleships. They also have the best damage for 15 in guns for the tier as well. The gun handling is at least not total crap, as they have 30 sec 180° rotation time, which is above average for most BBs. The forward gun angles are decent too, at 31°, but her rear angles are worse at 40°.
Speaking off, the armor is fairly good at a first glance, with 45mm deck, 70mm deck sides, and a fairly small superstructure which has extra protection from her 90mm dual purpose guns 40mm barbettes and the conning tower. The citadel is slightly above water, but it is not a turtleback, so you WILL get punished for being broadside, considering the armor is 375mm + 40mm of armor or protection. The 40mm inner plate is not overmatchable at least, which is a small plus. At least, compared to the tech tree Tier IX and Tier X that have 25mm plates under their turtleback.
She also gets points for good concealment for her tier, being among the best, at 13.39km base, 11.7km max.
Overall, she's... a tough and sneaky nut to crack, unless she shows broadside. The guns themselves are a massive dirce roll each time, and kind of suck. When they behave though, usually at range, they are amongst the best 15in guns at tier VIII.
Oh and Roma is voiced by Yui Kondou.
Oh wait. This supposed to be Littorio. Whoops. Then that would be Shizuka Itou that voices her. And Yes, if you didn't know, this is for all intensive purposes SHOULD be AL Roma. The simple version of this is that the Vittorio Veneto class all had striking unique features that set them apart at a glance. There was a controversy a while ago about AL Littorio literally being Roma with a skin, as if you demout the camo, the Roma nameplate is still there. Same goes for our Tech Tree Vittorio Veneto, as it is too, just Roma. In fact, the upcoming Spanish Tier IX premium Victoria will be the first version of Roma that is somewhat different. But honestly, it doesn't count.
TLDR: It's a freaking Tier VIII BB on 80% off. Get it while it's hot I guess. Besides that, she has poor gun handling and accuracy, but strong armor (when angled), and good concealment.