Hi everyone, my sister is on the waitlist for her visa appointment at the German embassy in Islamabad. Her reference number is 5000-ish. She has an acceptance letter for the winter term. How many applications does the embassy process per term? Is she going to make it in time?

Hi all, earlier this year my son bought a car, the seller could not provide the logbook or new keeper slip, so a new one was applied for, I filled the v62 out for him and not knowing the exact date of purchase put new years eve down, as I knew this was definitely before actual date.. (A mistake? Irrelevant maybe??)
Throughout this time the car remained on our private drive, where it had been trailered to.
Cut to March 5th and he received a letter from dvla confirming sale and that a new logbook, v5, would be issued shortly, buoyed up by this he finished the last few jobs needed, to return it to the road, this included him moving it to the end and just off our drive. This meant the passenger side wheels were technically on the public road while the rest of the vehicle and driver side were on our property. A situation that was just a few hours. On the 18th he received the v5 (issued 14th) and promptly taxed the car, now showing as taxed from 1st March (insurance and mot already done). Off he sets happily using vehicle. Then, may 18th he received a letter detailing his use/keeping the vehicle on public road at midday on the 5th March, the time when he was working on it, however the fine (out of court settlement offer) appears to include back dated tax and is £105, from reading it should be £30 if anything, but shows on dvla site as taxed from 1st
So how to proceed? He is only marked as keeper from 14th March, and payed the duty ASAP to cover March, surely previous keeper has liability, seems they are trying to pin his unpaid tax on new keeper? No prior contact, so I don't believe it's escalated charges. Just a bit lost as to how to move forward, the more nominal fine it wouldn't be worth challenging, but at this rate instinct is to appeal it, or at least offer mitigatiin at a hearing as he had no means to tax or sorn until that v5 arrived, anybody been in this position, any advice appreciated

Heres the timeline of events which may have contributed to the waiver being denied and or supports my desire to contest the decision. (20F, England, events covering 2020-2024)
Dec 2020 - a rent waiver was submitted on my behalf on the grounds of ill-health. I did not get to see any documentation over the T/Cs and didn't sign anything. I repeatedly asked/offered to supply evidence of ill-health which I was subsequently told was not needed.
Jan 27th 2021 I vacated the room a day before the deadline - unfortunately I forgot to return the keys. HOWEVER, as much as the keys represent having access to the accomodation, these keys no longer worked as the locks had been changed. I was let into the room that night by security who happened to hand me back the redundant pair of keys and thats where my oversight lay. (In 2022 I am made aware that according to their records I vacated the room a week and a half late (when i finally traveled back to hand in the keys) and the waiver was rejected.)
March 2021 I call to ask for an update on the waiver and I am told "it has been waived". I accept this was most likely someone palming me off and mispoke due to not checking the situation but this is ridiculously irresponsible and dictated my next set of responses. A week or two after this phone call, rent arrears emails ceased. This further affirmed I no longer owed any rent.
Sep 2021 Rent arrears emails resume but I ignore, thinking it was a glitch due to the commencement of a new academic year.
After a few months of these emails I ask about them and I am told the rent is owed, no mention of the waiver, rejected or otherwise. I say I was told the rent was waived and I receive an apology and that the issue would be followed up. I hear no more for several months.
Rent arrears emails restart again, some months later. The case is transferred to STA debt collection and I discuss with them the issues I am having. They pause proceedings multiple times and "close" the case on one occasion.
I also reiterate the same information to the university about: - my doubts over the waiver submission due to no evidence being requested, nothing to sign or T&Cs to read. I was not made aware that in passing the deadline for key hand over I would be liable for the whole term of rent not just the days exceeding the deadline.

• that in coming to a resolution some leeway for the deadline should be accommodated considering I exited the rental agreement on health grounds and ill health doesnt work to deadlines AND limited travel due to COVID made moving out at night, alone with no car as a 20 y/o woman quite difficult.
  
• the keys not actually allowing access to the room so I would like to argue that some leeway should be made again as per their conditions for the room to be vacated and inaccessible, I did not have access to the room anyway.
  
• the irresponsible staff member claiming it "has been waived". Which then dictated my finances since I no longer thought I owed a large sum of money. And later on another member or staff apologising and rent arrears emails ceasing once more.
  
• that i thought it was fair I owed the days of rent after the deadline but not the whole term
  

The uni also claim I was sent an email in 2021 updating me that the waiver was denied. I asked for this to be resent as I do not remember ever receiving such an email and this request was ignored. At least twice my emails were unanswered and many times it took weeks to receive a response.
I communicated these points multiple times to the uni and in the last instance (July 2023) they replied 2 months later with a reduced amount owed, more than halved - but not for any of the reasons I stipulated, for some other reason I cant remember currently (the new amount did not reflect the days of rent over the deadline)
At this point I was completely tired, doubtful of their handling of anything and offended because now they admit that for 2 years they have been requesting over double the amount I owed anyway!
(Not essential to read, just concluding) Its my graduation in 2 months and I do NOT want them to pull me aside on the day because of this - I have no tuition fee debts so I can graduate, I just dont want this to be flagged to the accommodation services that I'll be on site that day. Please, where do I stand here? I realise this has been dragged out so long and since their last email with the reduced amount I have ceased communication, STA call me multiple times a week but no letters or emails. I was admitted to hospital for a month last summer for the same reasons I left the uni halls and I've just had a lot on my plate. The official way is to submit a complaint but since it has been so long I now have to justify why I did not take action sooner i.e. after I received the last email in Sep 2023.

I contemplated writing this all day but decided it might be helpful to someone else if I shared my bittersweet EDC 2024 experience.
This year was my second year at EDC, and despite a few negative experiences sprinkled throughout, I honestly had the time of my life.
Saturday, while I was sitting on the turf mound at Basspod VIP, I was assaulted. A guy, we’ll call him Mo, had come up to where me, my wife, and my wife’s friend were sitting and started talking to my wife. They chatted briefly. Then, my wife returned to dancing, and Mo turned around talking to someone else.
A few minutes later, Mo tapped me on the shoulder and said, “You and your wife look so good together.” I replied, “Aww, thank you so much,” and returned to resume my head banging. Not even five minutes later, as I was zoned out, feeling the music and vibes, I felt something brushing against my back. It was Mo.
Now, I know it’s nearly impossible not to brush up against other people, so I try to be super tolerant and understand that most people aren’t trying to be creeps; it’s just close quarters.
But no sooner than I had moved forward a bit, I felt someone’s hand underneath my vest pouch fondling and massaging my breast. Initially, when I looked back, I was confused, but I realized that Mo was lying on his back and had reached his hand under my vest.
When I turned around like, “Wtf are you doing?” He threw his hands up and just started apologizing profusely. I tried to tell him to gtfoh and go someplace else because I didn’t feel comfortable with him behind me, but he just kept saying, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.”
I don't know if my wife’s friend, sitting on my right, saw what happened, but I know she saw me fussing at this guy, trying to tell him to gtfoh. She didn’t say or do anything. Then, I told my wife, who had been talking with another couple, what happened, and that I had tried to ask him to go somewhere else because I didn’t feel comfortable with him behind me but that he just stayed there apologizing over and over. She asked if I wanted to switch seats with her or if I wanted her to do anything, and I just said no.
The boy was clearly faded; he had mentioned this to my wife, and I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s experience, so I just turned around and tried to shake it off. I knew this wasn’t the end, and I was ready.
Again, not even five minutes had passed, and I felt a hand grip my right shoulder. I hear Mo start saying, “I’m so sorry, I…” but before he could finish, I turned around and punched him with probably the best right hook of my life. Or maybe it just felt that way because of how good it felt watching his body reel backward and seeing the anger rise in his face as the realization that he just got socked by a 5’4” 130 lb female set in.
As soon as I punched him, his friends came rushing in, pulling him back like, “Hey, chill! Our friend is just really fucked up right now,” blah blah blah. My wife turned to see the commotion and was like, “Aye, the next time your friend puts his hands on my wife, he’s getting beat tf up.”In response, one of the friends said, “This is my wife right here, so I understand,” trying to tell us we needed to calm down. My wife told them basically, “No, y’all need to get your friend because my wife was just about to cry when your friend was groping her breasts. Do you want to put your wife between him and my wife then?”
Maybe they only saw him grab my shoulder and me socking him, but no matter how I try to justify it, there are so many things wrong with everything that happened. First, if I ever see a woman straight up punch a man TWICE her size, I’m immediately going to ask her wtf happened and if she is ok.
Second, this experience has taught me a lot. It’s been painful, mainly because it still boggles my mind that sexual assault is so quickly brushed off. I’m not expecting anyone to lay hands on someone for me, but a little solidarity would have gone a long way in that situation.
I’m annoyed it didn’t become a scene until I punched him. No one wanted to get up and stand up to this man after he sexually assaulted me in front of hundreds of people—but throw a punch and, wow, the outrage.
None of the friends asked me if I was okay or tried to take him far away from me. I understand my wife and her friend not stepping in too much in the beginning; it is a man who is bigger and likely stronger, and women are often afraid that worse will happen if they make a scene, but still. If we all stood up to him and forced him to leave after assaulting me, it would have felt a hell of a lot better than having to wait to be touched again so that I could physically handle it myself.
With that, my only request is that my fellow rave-goers, please don’t be a bystander or an enabling friend. If you see something, say something. Every conflict doesn’t have to be resolved by violence. Myself and even five other people standing up to Mo saying hey you need to leave or there’s gonna be a scene, would have likely been enough to pressure him to find somewhere else to be a creep. Instead, I had to sit with this man less than a foot behind me who had just fondled and groped my breast and waited for him to strike again to defend myself. Even after I hit him, he and his friends just stayed. Please be the friend that understands when shit has gone too far, and get your friend somewhere different if they are being a nuisance.
It’s a hollowing experience. After I punched him, though, I felt 10000000 times better. I’m saddened that that’s what it had to come to, but the actions of everyone around me indicated that handling it myself was the only option. Maybe everyone around was too fucked up to register what was happening; perhaps they thought it would be better if they minded their own business, I don’t know.
The best part, though, was that afterward, a guy with a bag of wooden fucks gave me one. He said I had zero fucks when I punched that guy, so here’s a fuck. That was genuinely the highlight of my weekend, and if anyone knows this zero fucks given guy, send him my appreciation.
Despite this interaction, I had the most incredible time for the remainder of my weekend. For this one jackass, hundreds of people were kind to me in small ways throughout the weekend. Shout out to all my Basshead headbangers and our new friends from New Mexico, Steve-O, and Alexis, who were ready to find Mo for a little ‘chat’ after we told them what happened later that day. Although we didn’t take them up on the offer, that’s the kind of showing up that I appreciate. I can’t wait to see you all underneath the electric sky again next year.
TLDR: I was groped by a stranger, no one batted an eye, then I punched him, and suddenly, I need to chill. Please don’t be a bystander. See something, say something.

In 2019 I left academia for good. I had just had a baby and I was working 7 days a week. I was miserable and utterly burnt out. We didn’t like where we were living and we longed to move back to Maine.
So I did it. I quit! I was riddled with anxiety and felt horrible guilt, but since leaving teaching, I’ve never been happier.
It took awhile to find my way, but I fell into copy editing. I spent the last 4 years learning the ropes—and making a lot of mistakes figuring out which companies to work for and which to avoid—and I’m now making DOUBLE what I did as a tenure track assistant professor at a LAC. And I WFH for far fewer hours.
More importantly, I have the true time freedom and flexibility that I was promised in academia and never found. I pick up my kids from school, take time off when they’re sick, and take vacations where I do ZERO work and have ZERO guilt.
I’m giving a free webinar this Thursday, 5/23, at 12 EST where I’ll explain how I left academia, what academic editing is, and how you can figure out if it’s right for you. I gave the same webinar last week and the attendees said it was like “free therapy” and that I was an “antidote to academia.” 😂
If you’re unhappy, you have options. And they don’t have to involve working 9-5 or making no money. Happy to answer any questions.
Here’s the link: https://acadiaediting.com/becomeaneditor

I find it weird on travel groups that people stay late at night just to check whether there are promo fares? Mostly I see peeps who wants to go to Japan with only P3,000 airfare budget. Why would you even go to Tokyo if you only have P3,000 airfare budget? That amount is even not enough for a 1night on a decent hotel room.
Instead of staying up late and spending all your time scrolling for cheap fares, can’t they just work so well so that the regular P20k becomes “affordable”? Time is gold. You are spending SO MUCH TIME in looking for the best deal, probably even researched more about it, participate in long exchanges in travel groups how to secure the deal, then staying up late, all for just P17k cost-savings? When you alloted that time for other revenue-generating activities, you can simply buy that regular airfare in 10minutes without even thinking twice about it.
(i dont know but this is just my mindset. i never wait for promos. if i feel like i want to buy it, i will just buy it. im expecting down votes here.)
Also I dont get these budget meal travels. You go on vacation then you will spend so little and eat meager food?? It doesn’t make sense. You are depriving yoursef of the EXPERIENCE (the main reason why you went for that trip)

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Read also: Top Tips for Booking Premium Limo Service in Toronto

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My boyfriend (40m) and I (42f) both went through long-term breakups before dating. Both relationships have children with those exes. Surprisingly my ex and I have developed a decent coparenting relationship. I have full custody and he visits with the kids when he can (we live in different states).
My boyfriend had a mutually agreed 50/50 with his ex until he took a new job in a different county and we decided to move in together. We haven’t physically moved in yet because she and her parents have been manipulating his son (10) to act out. I’ve been really supportive so far, but since we had to delay the move (about a week ago) it feels like we talk mostly about her behavior. She was really mean to his daughter from a previous relationship (edited to add he was married) and there were giant red flags their entire relationship. She would take out huge loans to go on vacation and he would have to pay them back. She also got pregnant (10 yr old) while sleeping with multiple people when they were supposed to be exclusive and essentially trapped him. He says he stayed out of a sense of loyalty to his children but eventually the accumulation of disrespect, cheating and just plain mean behavior outweighed the guilt of only seeing his kids half time.
He is an amazing father. He is really wonderful with both my kids and his. We have talked marriage and he even said he wants to have a baby together within the year. I’ve honestly never been more in love. But it feels like she’s now the primary topic of conversations. I get it, she practically neglects the children leaving them in school/daycare from 6a-6p every day because she’s “too busy” working from home. And since finding out we were moving in together, calling me the other woman, she’s been really manipulative and controlling. Not letting him see the kids whenever she can find an excuse (currently there is no legal agreement in place).
How can I continue to be supportive and limit how much of our lives are spent talking about her?
Tl;dr How can I continue to be supportive and limit how much of our lives are spent talking about his terrible ex?

I got the email below from my nmum, after sending a few emails to explain my feelings and request some boundaries (I know wishful thinking). I then received one back which was very defensive, not caring and a lot of DARVO (too long to post). It hurt me deeply that she doesn't seem to care enough to even try to fix the relationship. I asked my aunt to tell her that it hurt me and that I would email her when I found the words and this was her response.
Is it as bad as I think it is?

Hi, understand you spoke with last night, I truly am at a loss to understand, you say all these things to me yet when I ask for clarification you say it hurts you…..I’m hurting too over you and my parents, this is a very very difficult time, I’m not putting the focus on myself here and I do wish for us to come back together especially before grandads funeral as it won’t be very nice if we not in a nice place together and Nan will be upset re that too as it’s her dearest wish for you and I to be reunited, she says she prays for it every night.I don’t see how odd emails will repair this, we need to talk on the phone calmly and peacefully with open hearts, I need to understand everything you have said.I love you xxx

It was my cousin sister's wedding and we are Indians, so if you are Indian or know Indian friends/weddings, you know the drill - the daysss long wedding events, the heavy dresses and jewelry, and also, some serious family dramas.
My cousin and I are very close even if there is a huge age gap between us. Naturally, when her wedding came around I was very excited and I helped a lot with the planning and decoration and the food - literally everything. It was exactly as we have imagined her wedding to be like. Just perfect in every way possible. But again, it's a wedding. How is a wedding ever complete with a Drama Llama? So dear potato community, here is the tea.
The man that my cousin was marrying to, my current BIL, is an amazing man who has been with my cousin since their college days. They were friends in their college days and when they started working they joined the same company so they remained close to each other. Friendship turned into love and they decided to date and eventually get married. Both the families were informed and everyone was very happy with their decisions, except just one person. BIL's sister. She didn't have any personal problems with my cousin, her only issue was that her best friend liked my BIL, let's name this friend the 'idiot' (because she truly is an idiot and this is honestly the nicest word I can use for her).
When idiot found out that BIL loved someone else and is getting married, she went ballistic. She has been trying to get his attention for so many years and he didn't even turn towards her even for one day and he was being head over heels for my cousin. I understand her being upset, I have been a girl in love and in heartbreak too, but I wouldn't try to break someone's marriage because of my heartbreak.
Yes she tried to stop their marriage via BIL's sister. The two forged all types of absurd accusations on my cousin and tried to anonymously sneak in the accusations in means of messages from unknown numbers to my cousin's then future FIL and MIL, to emails and even letters delivered to their doorstep. My cousin was really stressed because she thought the FIL and MIL would think the accusations are true and would stop the wedding. I told her, "don't worry sisso, I am here." (add dramatic music here and imagine a cape on my back).
My cousin's father (my maternal uncle), me and my brother first went to the FIL and MIL to let them know that all of this was false and that my cousin is innocent. We asked them for some time and that we will find proof of who has been sending them those false news and will let them know of everything and then they are free to judge and make decisions from their side. We got the permission from them and decided to get to work immediately.
One thing I forgot to mention was that BIL used to live in his own house in a different state from where his parents lived after he got a job. Before this, my cousin and BIL used to live in one town and went to college together. Once they got their jobs, they both came to my city, BIL got his own house and my cousin came to live with me. His family came to live with him when he told them that he wanted to marry so they came help him with the wedding arrangements. What's unfortunate is that the sister also brought her best friend, the 'idiot', who was in love with my BIL since she was 15 and BIL was 17.
I mentioned BIL having his own separate house in a new town because it was important to mention. Both his sister and the idiot didn't know he installed security cameras in his house and that the camera was pretty well hidden so they couldn't have noticed either. We asked BIL if we can see the camera's recordings and we saw someone early in the morning at 4 am dropping a letter. Guess who it was... THE IDIOT!! We showed it to my cousin's FIL and MIL and they cross questioned the idiot about it and she was in tears and admitted to everything. She and BIL's sister apologized for everything. They were forgiven and it was a happily ever after... or so you thought...
Everything after that was pretty peaceful, all the arrangements were made and we are now at the wedding day. My cousin was really jumpy and on her toes at all times, she was panicking so bad about everything. My brother and I had to sit her down and talk her out of her panic. She however mentioned that she was scared that idiot might try to pull up some sick stunt to ruin her wedding day. I however told to her calm down cause I wouldn't let my precious angel's wedding get ruined. I have seen enough Charlotte's videos to know that we must always have a backup plan prepared in advance in situations like this. And so I did. I collected a lot of information and evidences and kept them in place in case they come in handy.
I had my suspicions that they would do something to mess up the wedding way before it even became a thought in my cousin's mind, so I did a little research about the two. Since we all belong from the same hometown, I got in contact with my friends who still lived in the town that my cousin and my BIL used to live in. I asked around about these two baboons and found out that BIL's sister had a boyfriend and has even slept with him. Premarital smex is a big no no here. As for the idiot, I found out that she was slowly getting BIL's sister into illegal substances and into becoming a call girl. Again, a big no no. And I think no parent in this world would want their child to do something that would end up in trouble for them and the child as well. I knew my cousin's FIL and MIL would be worried about their daughter and take actions immediately if I let them know of this. I would have told them this after the wedding was over anyway, but that would have been in private so no one else would know, but I guess the girls wanted something else.
Once the wedding ceremony started and the guests were all there, they were enjoying, everyone was having fun and giving their blessings to the new husband and wife to be. These two pain in the asses were going around and gossiping about my cousin to everyone. We noticed that, and we came up with a quick solution. I asked two of my male friends, who is very attractive to go and talk to the girls. However I told them to switch on their recorder and be with them no matter what. God bless my two friends, they did exactly what I told them without thinking twice. They came to me after an hour or so and told me what was going on.
The two girls were planning to ruin her wedding dress. When I tell you that shit was costly, IT WAS COSTLY. It was really heavy with all the heavy stone work that was done on the cream colored lehenga and if it was stained it would be ruined. We could not afford that in any cost. She was taking a glass of juice from the juice counters and tried sitting right behind the bride but I stepped in and told her to go sit behind her brother and that I would sit behind my cousin. She was trying so hard but me and my brother kept pushing her off and away from my cousin. Eventually she did manage to throw it but it accidentally landed on someone from the groom's side and she got scolded by her. While her grumpy face was funny to see, I still had enough because if that aunty wasn't there, it would have been my cousin. After the wedding was over and people were going to start taking the photos with the couple, I announced that me and my brother had some things to say. Initially we talked about the bride and the groom but then we shifted the attention to the groom's sister and her friend. We played the audios of the calls I had with her friends in the hometown as a surprise to the groom's sister. There were a lot of angry faces, some on the sister and some on me and my brother. I tried to explain, that had she and her friend not try to ruin my cousin sister's wedding dress, this wouldn't have been broadcasted to the entire wedding venue. I then called my two male friends and both of their faces was in gasps. Both of them pulled out their phones and I played the recordings on one of the phones, which explained how they were still spreading fake news about my cousin and also them planning to ruin my cousin's dress. We also got the video recording of them actively trying to throw the red colored drink on my cousin's dress.
Both of them got kicked out from there and weren't allowed to enter until the rest of the ceremony was over. Both of them stood outside, making attempts to convince anyone who would listen to them and let them in, but no one paid heed to them. Once everyone got home they were scolded badly and my BIL's sister kept screaming at me that I was so mean and rude to have their truths exposed to not just her family, but to every relative and friends who was there to witness the show. While my cousin was glad that I had her back and my brother is standing in support of me, my parents and some of our relatives think that it should have dealt within the family and shouldn't have been exposed to anyone outside of the immediate family members. AITA?
Note: I am so sorry if the post ended up being too long but I just wanted to give all the context that would be required to judge the entire situation and my actions as well. Also if something doesn't make sense just blame it on my sleepy head cause I wrote it in half sleep mode.

I’m a woman in college who just turned 20. I was in denial for a long time but my RA, who is a 27-year-old PhD student, may be obsessed with me.
To start off, he’s always been super kind towards everyone. When I was going through a personal crisis that caused me to faint, he ran to the local pharmacy and bought me a blood pressure monitor. He also brought me a jar of honey and lemon when I had a bad cold. He treats my other housemates with the same level of generosity. I’ve tried my best to be supportive in return by expressing curiosity and enthusiasm for his research and fun stories. I considered him a friend.
But about a month ago, he called me and asked to meet him at our house’s front porch. When I got outside, he insisted we cross the street. He carefully looked around and then asked if I would like to go out on a date with him. I was flabbergasted, especially since our age difference is so extreme. I also am not attracted to him. So I just replied that I’m flattered, but a romantic relationship wouldn’t be appropriate since we’re in completely different life stages. I thought this would be the end of him pursuing me, but I’ve been noticing odd, possibly obsessive behaviors ever since.
For context, there are two houses on our property. He lives in the front house and I live in the back house. I’ve noticed him watching me through the front house window, which would usually be followed by him entering the back house to chat. Even if I gave extremely obvious signs that I was super occupied or in a rush, he’d be eager to hear about my schedule and plans. It would always be extremely difficult to exit a conversation. He’s very overbearing.
Our house had an end-of-the-year party, so I invited a few friends. Throughout the night, he would not leave my group alone or chat with other people. An attendee I met the previous weekend was also there. We have a lot in common. We had been texting all week and showing signs of mutual romantic interest. But whenever we tried to have a moment alone together, this RA would barge in between us and kill the vibe with his own stories that weren’t relevant to our conversation.
The RA also spams me with a ton of Instagram reels that are super random. A few have some strange sexual undertones. He also regularly texts me, sometimes just apologizing for the most random things he said earlier that I didn’t even notice or remember. He also goes back to his messages he recently sent and unnecessarily edits them.
The creepiest thing he did was show me photos he took near my family’s house when he was in my home city for a conference. I never told him my street name or even what part of the city I was from. Maybe this was just a funny coincidence, but I don’t think it bodes well with my other information.
He has fortunately left for the semester. But that hasn’t stopped him from reaching out. Yesterday, he sent me 50 PHOTOS OF HIS VACATION with detailed descriptions. My phone was exploding for at least 15 minutes. Mind you, this was after I intentionally waited 4 days to open his last message and reply.
The good news is that I’m moving into another student house next year. But I feel like he’s becoming more persistent in spite of me showing super obvious signs that I’m not into him. How should I handle this? After how sweet he’s been, it feels wrong to outright say that I feel uncomfortable with him. But I also really need to set boundaries to feel safe next semester. Thoughts?

So, I understand that my Experian Credit Score doesn’t really guarantee my getting a loan or not but I just wanted to get a sense for whether I should be worried about my credit score or not.
So, my score is just over 800 out of 999. Pretty good, so I just wanted to check if I needed to really work at improving that or if I’d probs be fine.
For context, I’m sub 25 and employed. I’m looking to buy a house of about £450k value in London through the First Time Buyer scheme within the next 1-4yrs (interest rates please come down faster!). I have roughly 10% of the deposit and I make what would be about 2x what it looks like the monthly repayment would be.
If you do think my credit score is a problem, how could I improve it? I already use rent tracking. I have 1 credit card with an over 2k limit (my bank actually voluntarily increased it without me requesting) that I use about 25-50% of every month. I have a couple of interest free arranged overdrafts that I’m using (student accounts that are still open), and I’m looking to get those cleared by September. Is there anything else I could do? The only thing I have in finance is my phone and I have no other personal loans. I feel like I’ve exhausted my options and the only real thing I can do is make more money.

When you first arrive in Germany, it's not so easy to immediately open a bank account, as most of them require Anmeldung. Since my appointment in Hamburg was scheduled for close to a month later, I ended up opting for one of the few that didn't, an online bank called Vivid Money. Not the best, not the worst, I was satisfied enough to stay with them all this time and couldn't bother moving to one of the big banks.
Fast forward two years, they are migrating from Solaris Bank where they were keeping the money to their own financial institution. In the process, they've completely stopped replying to support requests, and I have a EUR 400 pending transaction that the business has cancelled but still doesn't get refunded in my account. It's been over a month. How can I escalate the issue to an authority that can force them to reply and pay back? Needless to say, I'm looking to move to another back ASAP.
TIL: Vivid Money doesn't reply since almost a week, and I have EUR 400 missing from my account. Who do I contact? Ausländer-friendly would be preferred.
Thank you!

My girlfriend and I have been together for 1 year, from Dec 2022 to Dec 2023. During that year things didn't go very smooth, we had a lot of fights, which were mainly caused by constant miscommunication of our needs and expectations. Our big fights occured approximately every 2 months. Inbetween those events, we had plenty of very good and happy times, with travelling, holidays together etc.
Eventually, the repeating negativity and issues that couldn't be resolved through talking anymore outweighed the little positive that was left, and she broke up in December 2023. After a month of being separated, where we both had time to reflect on what led to our breakup, I contacted her and we met. A month later we got back together (February 2024). Our new relationship made a 180 degree turn and things couldn't be better right now. Our relationship is healthier than ever, we communicate well, there's no fighting at all. (In our 1st RS we barely had sex more than once every 2 weeks, now it was daily)
During our "first" relationship, we didn't post any pictures together, we never talked about moving in together or introduced each other to the family. Now in our "second" try, we met each others families, we post pictures together and we plan for long term goals. The only thing that never left my mind, was the question if she met someone else, maybe slept with someone else during our time apart. I asked her openly and she said no she didn't.
Last night, she fell asleep in my bed, I was still working on my PC. I don't know her pin code, nor did I ever try checking her phone or asked her to show me anything, I had full trust in her at any given time. She fell asleep listening a Youtube Podcast, which meant her phone stayed unlocked. I took it away from the bed to bring it to the nightstand for charging. While holding it, this sudden urge of checking her phone in order to convince myself that nothing ever happened overcame me. So I checked her whatsapp conversation with her best friend, as I knew that they exchange about everything. I scrolled up to the days where she left me in December 2023 and read til the day we got back together.
I found out that she started texting and meeting this new guy, shortly before she officially broke up. They had a few dates and slept together. After we met again and talked about our past relationship, she broke everything off with him. This reassured me, because this meant that our relationship was more important to her in the end, but it also shocked me because she lied. This made my insecurity skyreocket, so I started digging deeper and looked at other chats...
I found out that shortly after we got together and we started having issues (around march 2023) here and there, she began hooking up with different men, sexting and exchanging pictures. These hookups and texts occured frequently every month or two, from february 2023 until she broke up with me. This included a married man that secretely had an affair with her, a DJ and some other profiles that were now blocked. None of these conversations or any new ones extended beyond 2023. Since we got back together she didn't text any guy, and told her best friend how happy she was with me, now that our relationship is on the right tracks. The married man seemed to be a long time friend of hers, that she occasionally hooked up with during the last few years while being single. She talked to him about our issues, showed him screenshots of our fights and was looking for comfort. She told him multiple times how she can't continue like that but doesn't have the strenght to break up. Many of the things that she complained to him about were actually things I did and they were indeed mostly my fault.
I am totally devastated, I know I shouldn't have done it and I'm ashamed of what I've done. It completely shattered anything that I believed was true about her. I didn't tell her anything or show any anger this morning as she left for work. I don't know what to do. I love her so much and everything is finally perfect since we "redirected" our relationship onto the right path. I'm not trying to defend or justify anything that she did, but I feel like her actions were linked to the things that didn't go well during that entire year.
Either I tell her that I checked her phone, which will lead to a breakup or I figure out a way to see the "old" and the "new" relationship as two separate events, since I couldn't find anything indicating that she's still seeing other people and being dishonest. On one hand, I don't know how to pretend as if I didn't know it, on the other hand I don't want to end this for something that is linked to a past relationship. This year we are invited to several weddings together, we booked our vacations, etc.
Please help me..

Earlier last year, I expressed to my boyfriend (42m) that I (31f) wanted to go on a vacation to between feb-march to see manatees in their local watering hole in FL near my sister. He asked if we could wait until his semester (he’s the head of a program at a local private university) to go and make it an us vacation.
Originally, I was planning to stay with my sister (no hotel, just driving to the springs, eating subs/healthy snacks along the way).
But I agreed to wait for him. He starts looking into hotels that are on a beach that are $500 each and sends me links… I tell him no, this is too much so let’s not go. He says he’ll pay for the hotel and not to worry about that.
I agree and we end up going after his semester. By this time the manatees had all but left (I saw one) but I was okay because I got to see my sister and have a solid trip overall.
Next day after arriving home, he adds in our shared notes app a Venmo itemized “shared expenses” section. This section includes the hotel, restaurants he picked out, and the one Uber ride (my sister drove us most of the way).
I’m annoyed now because I guess he forgot that he offered to pay for the hotel since it was his decision, and because he knows I’m struggling financially. Also, because he picked out the places to eat - I assumed they were his treat. AITAH?
It’s effecting how I feel about our future together so I haven’t seen him in person since because I want to figure this out. Any help is appreciated! TYIA

So I am planning on enlisting in 2 or so months, issue is I am currently living overseas and have been living overseas for most my life, I am a U.S Natural born citizen and have been in a back and forth conversation with a local recruiter in the town im moving to.
I have a concern with how MEPS will treat me in terms of getting my medical records, I haven't been to a doctor in the U.S essentially since my birth, so I am fairly sure Genesis and MEPS wont have access to any of my records, because of this I recently went to my family GP and requested my medical records, my GP explained that they only keep records going back 5 years (except my vaccines since birth), and because I haven't been in 5 years the only documentation they could supply are related simply to my vaccinations over my lifetime.
So, I guess my concern is from what i've read people are required to bring copies of there records themselves, but I can't really bring anything. Mind you I am perfectly healthy, 0 issues.
Should I expect to run into any issues? Will be sure to mention this to the recruiter next time we speak but apparently they are busy and because im still 2 months away and overseas atm I don't want to bother him with it.

After 2 years, I (M24) broke up with my girlfriend (F22). It was a beautiful and healthy relationship at the beginning, but it changed beyond recognition. Over time, she began to show her toxic, manipulative, and narcissistic nature. The whole world revolved around her, she could never admit her mistakes, and she blamed others for everything. She constantly blamed her parents for her anxieties, saying they didn't listen to her, understand her, or care if she was sad during her childhood. This is not true at all.
To clarify, we lived together in an apartment for about 6 months. The first two months were great, and she helped with household chores and cooking. But after those two months, something broke. When she came home from work, she would lie in bed all day watching TikToks and reality shows. I took care of the entire household—cooking, cleaning, and everything else. The only thing she occasionally did was laundry, and even then, I had to push and beg her to do it. Our sex life suddenly ended, and we didn't have sex for about 2 months. I've always been the type who likes to cuddle and have close contact with my partner. I could only cuddle her when she wanted to; if she didn't, she would just say that she was comfortable and didn't want to be touched.
She was nice only when she needed something; on those days, things were okay with her. But the next day, when she didn't need anything, she was withdrawn and indifferent. I tried to do everything for her, often driving her to and from work, buying her gifts, and getting her whatever she craved. I tried to be her support, but toward the end, she started rejecting it. It's weird because she kept telling me she loved me. About a month ago, she told me she loved me but couldn't fall in love with me. She said the problem was within her and that often, even when I did or said nothing, I annoyed her. This hurt me deeply, and I considered ending it back then.
Meanwhile, she started chatting with her ex-boyfriend, whom she met at a bar while out with her friend. They had a bad breakup, but they supposedly cleared things up and became friends, chatting every day since then. I felt strange and bad about it. Her relationship with me felt like it was out of principle, and she was just using me. She was only nice when she needed something. A week ago, she went on vacation to Turkey with her family, a trip I couldn't attend. We got her passport and everything ready together. On the first day of the vacation, she texted and called me, and I saw she was happy, which made me very happy. But after the first day, she only messaged me once every two days. When she returned from Turkey, I was on a hike with her dad. When I got home, I went to take a nap, and she was at her parents' place. I woke up to her knocking, standing there with three friends. I didn't get a kiss or a hug. She immediately left with her friends to go to a bar. I heard some quiet mocking and smirks but didn't address it. She closed the door, and everything hit me—all the sadness and melancholy of the past months. I felt like crap. I unpacked her suitcase with tears in my eyes, packed my things, and called my dad to come get me. I had a few beers on the hike and didn't want to risk driving. I texted her that I was going home. Her response was that she fully understood.
She had already told me that she was sorry for her behavior but didn't know any other way and that I didn't deserve this. Yesterday, I went back to clarify things and get the rest of my stuff. She told me that during her time in Turkey, she didn't miss me at all and didn't feel the need to text me. She realized then that this wasn't how it should be. We shed a few tears, and she asked if she could cuddle with me one last time, which broke my heart. I felt like crap. She helped me pack my things, and I left. She's probably going to stay with a friend. We were renting this apartment, so we'll just cancel the lease.
On the hike, her dad told me he was very happy that she found a guy like me and that he was sorry for how she was treating me. Even though she's his daughter, he said I didn't deserve this and should pack up and leave. He said she was like her mother and that I didn't want to end up like him. He told her the same thing when she came home—that she shouldn't treat me like trash and should either start acting normal or break up. Her mother told her she hoped she'd find another tyrant who would bully her and make her life hell like all her previous boyfriends.
Sorry for the long text, but I needed to vent and also put my thoughts together in case I need to remind myself why this was the right decision. There are probably many mistakes, so I apologize. English is not my first language, and this is my first experience with Reddit. Thank you for your feedback.

Hello fellow divers,
I wondered whether some of you had dived on Ile St. Marie off the East coast of Madagascar. Tried looking for previous posts in this sub but couldn't find any.
Basically, I was there on vacation with my parents in September 2022 and took the opportunity to get a few dives in (OW and only 6 dives under my belt at that time); and until today it was my first dive outside of Europe (only been in the med + freshwater lakes so far). I found it to be pretty stunning: going underwater amongst the many humpback whales, amazing sea life and coral structures, and not to forget, there were little to no other divers at the dive center which meant it was just me and the DM underwater (which I think is always a real privilege). Ofc that's just my personal experience but from what I could tell the place was kind of a hidden gem given it is the only one in that area, yet not overrun, and its dive spots have plenty to offer.
So to the ones who have been there and/or experienced divers, is it a unique diving destination or does it pale in comparison to other locations? How come everyone wants to go to Nosy Be Madagascar and very few seem to consider St. Marie (correct me if I'm wrong pls)?
Just want to check which "reputation" St. Marie has amongst experienced divers.
Cheers!

“We’re a meat family,” my dad would proudly tell strangers. He’d wait for the quizzical look, then launch into detail, starting with how many freezers we had, how long we could sustain ourselves on the contents. It was just his way of starting a conversation, which made sense when you considered that raising and home-killing animals for food was, for want of a better term, his life-long hobby. His prize possession was one of those industrial-sized vacuum sealers: you could put half a pig inside and wrap it in plastic so tightly that every wrinkle and skin fold waxed unreal with shiny detail.
If we hadn’t lived in a rural area, albeit semi-urbanised, I guess it would have been pretty weird. But the mostly farming-stock locals only found his extra enthusiasm a little bit odd.
When he wasn’t being a bit embarrassing talking about it, I never really paid much heed to his hobby. I had a child’s vaguely grateful awareness that though our family went through some lean financial times, our stomachs never suffered like some of the families around us. All the beef, pork, ham and bacon in those big old chest freezers passed down from his dad really could have fed us for years.
I should preface all this by saying that I wasn’t a particularly bright kid, though neither was I dumb. I didn’t fail badly at anything in school, I just never achieved beyond a pass. I didn’t know it yet back then, still quietly dreaming about being a ballet star or a dressage champion, but mediocrity was my destiny. And I think that’s why I got on so well with my Aunt Liz.
Liz was my dad’s live-in youngest sister. She was one of those women who get described as ‘bubbly’ — not really pretty, not really smart, not a lot going on besides just being… well, all Liz. But she was salt of the earth; kind, caring, and great with kids. She was the only person who would willingly mind my two older brothers, who fought like hellcats and caused more trouble than the whole last generation of my family combined. People would privately lament to my parents that it was a shame Liz didn’t have kids of her own, but dad would just shake his head and say Liz liked it that way – that all the fun of looking after kids is being able to give them back to their parents.
I guess she was like me; nice, but mediocre. Lovely, but somehow forgettable when she wasn’t doing something for you.
But when Liz left us, I couldn’t forget her.
In hindsight, it was pretty weird timing that we had a big fortieth birthday party for Liz right before she disappeared. She was radiant that night; she’d hired a local girl to do her hair and makeup, and it was honestly the first time I’d ever seen her look pretty. She’d even worn a push-up bra under a tight red dress, which flattered her very plump curves well enough that the neighbour’s farmhand was spotted disappearing into the woolshed with her for a snog. In my dawning awareness, that gave a plain girl hope: if Aunty Liz could get a guy at forty, maybe things would turn out okay for me.
Anyway, I couldn’t forget how her pink cheeks, her eyes, her whole self, glowed that night before Liz went to bed. She said it was the best birthday ever, and that she was very much looking forward to the next stage of her life.
Would I have done anything different, if I had known? If I had realised what, exactly, that next stage was?
The week after the party, Aunt Liz said she was going on a little holiday up north, to visit some old school friends. She packed her things – she didn’t honestly have that many – and drove her little orange mini out onto the main road. And with a wave of one fleshy hand, she was gone. Nobody really thought much of it when she didn’t call, because nobody rural had cellphones back then. And Liz was, as I said, somehow kinda forgettable when she wasn’t right in front of you.
When we hadn’t had contact for six weeks, Dad tracked down the land line numbers for their old school buddies. They were surprised to hear from him — Liz had never arrived, so they had just assumed she’d cancelled her visit. No-one had thought to check. I eavesdropped on the conversation, and it sounded for all the world like *they* had forgotten about Aunt Liz, too.
From there it became a missing person case. The local cops came and talked to all of us; the farmhand who’d been seen snogging her was briefly detained, then let go, dad got grilled at length, even my hellion brothers were questioned thoroughly to see if this was one of their wild and dangerous pranks gone wrong.
But everything was a dead end. Nobody knew where Liz was, or what had happened to her.
The remains of her old mini were found halfway across the country, burned out on a beach, on a derelict stretch of ragged, rocky coastline. The police assumed murder and combed the area for remains. But even the most expert divers couldn’t conquer the incredible undertow and fast-shifting seabed of that coastline to look for evidence, so none was forthcoming.
Eventually the cops collectively shrugged and said that there was really nothing more they could do unless more information suddenly came to light. The locals knew nothing, no witnesses had come forward, and the trail was cold. As far as anyone knew, poor aunt Liz had been murdered on some desolate beach, far away from her home.
It didn’t feel fair to me. She’d once mentioned wanting her remains buried on our farm, in the graveyard plot beside grandma and grandad.
So, in my grief, I went into her room to look for something of hers to bury beside them.
Like I said, Liz didn’t have many things. Her room was pretty spartan, and her wardrobe was mostly sensible farm stuff. There was one exception: she, like me, did like to read, and she had a pretty good collection of well-thumbed books. I think it’s the escapism – even the most mediocre girl can lose herself in the plot of some trashy romance novel, imagine there’s still hope of being swept off her feet by that handsome stableboy, his inexplicable yearning for chubby plain girls.
So I set myself the task of going through the books, to find the right one to bury in the graveyard plot.
Most of them were exactly what you’d expect, but some of them were racier than I was used to. I felt various parts of my body flushing and tingling, as I read breathless prose about calloused hands touching the softest flesh of the protagonist. Okay, if I’m honest with myself, I might have got a little *too* invested in my project at that point. But that was also why I persisted going through her entire collection, until I found the ragged paperback from 1970, entitled Tawny Sands. And inside that trashy cardboard romance cover, I discovered not the tale of Tawny Sands, but some carefully hand-cut, stitched-in pages. A handwritten story in my Aunt’s rounded penmanship: Memoirs of a Long Pig.
I read her story twice in a row, utterly gripped.
Aunt Liz was no Stephen King – heck, she wasn’t even the Goosebumps guy – but her story was gripping and compelling, and I couldn’t put it down. Even if I hadn’t known her, I think that would have been true.
The gist of it was that Liz, when she was sixteen, had discovered that our family had a very long history of eating what she described as ‘Long Pork’. It’s an antipodean term, anglicised from the Pacific Islands: human meat.
Like me, young Liz still had some hopes and dreams. In one of her many failed attempts to find a special talent, she’d taken up cooking as a hobby. Naturally, with our family’s overabundance of meat, she’d scoured the freezers in the shed for ingredients: the racks of ribs and stacks of pork chops, butcher-paper wrappings all neatly labelled with the first letter of the name of the animal they came from.
She found familiar meat from Rodney, one of the pigs that had been recently slaughtered, emblazoned with an ‘R’ in her father’s strong, blocky lettering. There were cutlets labelled ‘M’ for Mary, from one of the lambs she’d hand-reared, and ‘F’ for Ferdinand, the steer they’d killed the month before. But she couldn’t explain the many, many curious parcels of meat on one side of the huge freezer, all labelled ‘J’ – at least, not until she took it all out and assembled it as well as she could on the scoured concrete floor of the killing shed. A big, frozen jigsaw puzzle without the box, her best attempt to discover what kind of beast the pieces had come from.
The animal, she quickly realised, was a Long Pig. Her own Aunt Jenny, who had died the month before – just after her fortieth birthday.
Fortunately, or perhaps not, for Liz, her father entered the shed right at that moment and realised his daughter had discovered the family secret. He sat down calmly on the lid of the freezer, and explained to her that this was a long-running family tradition, dating back to at least before his grandfather had been born.
“There are always people in life, Liz,” he’d said, “who won’t really amount to much. They want to be useful, want to be more. They strive and they strive, trying job after job, hobby after hobby, trying to hit on something they’re really good at. Something that makes them special. Those people can waste their whole lives, chasing dreams that never come true. Eventually they die unfulfilled, knowing that all their time has been wasted. That what they leave behind will fade quickly.”
His voice was oddly gentle as he leaned down and patted one of the neatly wrapped cuts of Aunt Jenny, still sitting frozen on the shed floor.
“Your Aunt Jenny was one of those people. So was my Aunt Irene.” He paused to gaze at his daughter, his next words peppered with emphasis. “But you see, my sweet Liz, they did find a purpose in life. They did find a way to be special, and they left this world utterly certain of their gift.” He stood up, stretched his back. “Let me show you.”
Liz waited while my grandad meticulously stacked the meat back into the freezer, all but one J-marked parcel that looked for all the world like a thick venison steak. He took her back to the farmhouse, and reverently unwrapped the deep red, heavily marbled meat to let it thaw. Then he laid it in the family’s ancient, cast-iron pan, basting it with butter and rosemary until a heavenly scent filled the kitchen, and Aunt Liz couldn’t stop her mouth from watering.
“Just try it. Let her show you. You’ll see exactly what I’m talking about.”
Even though she knew it was her aunt, Liz couldn’t stop herself from taking that first bite. There was something transcendent about the smell, overriding her natural revulsion that this was human meat, not one of their farm animals. For the first time, she truly realised it: we’re just another kind of animal. And weren’t her memories of Mary the lamb almost as fond as her memories of Aunt Jenny?
Liz explained then, in her curly handwriting, the explosion of taste that had assaulted her when she tried the steak. It was tender, it was succulent, it was rich beyond imagining. The fats melted on her tongue, lingering somewhere between pork and beef, but oddly neither. The flavour of the meat defied identification; something familiar, yet not.
But one thing she couldn’t deny; it was the most delicious thing she had ever eaten. Tears dripped onto her plate, mingled with the juice, the grease — not grief, but a pure, real, giddy delight.
“You’re tasting your aunt’s love for this family,” my grandad explained. “Her entire life was carefully curated, to eventually make unforgettable moments for us, just like this. This was her way of being special. This was the greatest gift she could possibly bring to our world – and because she realised that, she died with not a single regret. She knew her life had purpose. She was perfectly, completely fulfilled.”
I felt those words. I felt them lodge in my own belly, settling uncomfortably deep. I knew Aunt Liz, probably better than anyone else in the family. I’d seen how fucking happy she’d been on her fortieth, how goddamn fulfilled she was, despite apparently being a *nobody* and achieving *nothing*. Somehow, in the space of a single day, she had gone from being a forgettable background character to becoming the *main character*, immortalising herself in our family’s history with her sacrifice. Quite literally becoming part of all of us, forever.
I went to the killing shed after I finished with the book. I looked inside the freezers.
But there were no vacuum-sealed packages labelled ‘L’, no matter how deep I dug into the frozen stacks of plastic-wrapped flesh. Panicked now, not sure if I wanted to connect all the dots or unconnect them, I tried to think back over the last few months, recall any meals that had been unusually good. A few Sundays ago, we’d had a stew that really hit the spot and left me craving more. And I realised that the family had a really good night that night; my brothers behaved themselves, my parents didn’t fight, and grandma and grandad had been there. Hadn’t they looked far more… expectant than they should have?
I strained my brain, trying to recall if I’d seen the homekill bag on the kitchen bench – if I’d registered what letter it was. I knew it wasn’t an L. I would have remembered if it was an L.
And then it hit me, the memory, the connection, sizzling as if branded with a hot iron.
It had been an ‘E’.
E for Elizabeth. Not for Edward the pig.
I snorted at my own stupidity – of *course* Liz was short for Elizabeth – and as I comprehended my lack of smarts, I felt something give inside me.
I wasn’t clever, and nothing, nothing would ever make me smart. I had no big talents. I wasn’t beautiful, or even cute – and even if I had a million plastic surgeries, it still wouldn’t fulfill me. It wouldn’t be real.
I was a Liz.
I was a Jenny.
I was whoever the first aunt had been, the aunt who had dedicated her life to making her flesh as delicious as possible, who had worked every damn minute to be the best Long Pig she could ever be.
I wondered how many magical family evenings had been spent eating Aunt Jenny. How many glorious, satisfying, memorable dishes had been made out of her.
And… I wanted that. I wanted to finally know I had a *purpose* in life. One so simple, and so easy to achieve.
I wanted what Aunt Liz had.
***
It's my fortieth birthday today and I’m so fucking excited. For the last twenty-four years, I’ve dedicated myself to this moment; I’ve eaten exactly what I needed to, I’ve exercised just enough, but not too much, to maintain that perfect balance of marbling vs tenderness. I’ve relaxed and meditated to keep all those amazing flavours inside of me. I’ve researched all the greatest meats in the world, from prime Angus beef to A5 Wagyu. I really think I may have outdone myself.
I’m having my hair and makeup done at the local salon this afternoon, and I’m going to look so pretty; all prize piggy on show at the fair. I’m even going to have a big red ribbon in my hair, in memory of Aunt Liz.
Maybe there’ll be a cute boy I can snog in the wool shed, maybe there won’t – I don’t really care; because the most important, most certain thing is that I’m going to be the most delicious Long Pig in the history of our entire family.
I’m going to make everyone so damn happy, and I’m just so glad I can share my story with you all, instead of hiding it in a grubby book like poor Aunt Liz.
My only real disappointment? That you won’t get to taste me.
Reader, I have loved, loved my life. My Long Pork will be out of this world: once tasted, never, ever forgotten.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 1 year, from Dec 2022 to Dec 2023. During that year things didn't go very smooth, we had a lot of fights, which were mainly caused by constant miscommunication of our needs and expectations. Our big fights occured approximately every 2 months. Inbetween those events, we had plenty of very good and happy times, with travelling, holidays together etc.
Eventually, the repeating negativity and issues that couldn't be resolved through talking anymore outweighed the little positive that was left, and she broke up in December 2023. After a month of being separated, where we both had time to reflect on what led to our breakup, I contacted her and we met. A month later we got back together (February 2024). Our new relationship made a 180 degree turn and things couldn't be better right now. Our relationship is healthier than ever, we communicate well, there's no fighting at all. (In our 1st RS we barely had sex more than once every 2 weeks, now it was daily)
During our "first" relationship, we didn't post any pictures together, we never talked about moving in together or introduced each other to the family. Now in our "second" try, we met each others families, we post pictures together and we plan for long term goals. The only thing that never left my mind, was the question if she met someone else, maybe slept with someone else during our time apart. I asked her openly and she said no she didn't.
Last night, she fell asleep in my bed, I was still working on my PC. I don't know her pin code, nor did I ever try checking her phone or asked her to show me anything, I had full trust in her at any given time. She fell asleep listening a Youtube Podcast, which meant her phone stayed unlocked. I took it away from the bed to bring it to the nightstand for charging. While holding it, this sudden urge of checking her phone in order to convince myself that nothing ever happened overcame me. So I checked her whatsapp conversation with her best friend, as I knew that they exchange about everything. I scrolled up to the days where she left me in December 2023 and read til the day we got back together.
I found out that she started texting and meeting this new guy, shortly before she officially broke up. They had a few dates and slept together. After we met again and talked about our past relationship, she broke everything off with him. This reassured me, because this meant that our relationship was more important to her in the end, but it also shocked me because she lied. This made my insecurity skyreocket, so I started digging deeper and looked at other chats...
I found out that shortly after we got together and we started having issues (around march 2023) here and there, she began hooking up with different men, sexting and exchanging pictures. These hookups and texts occured frequently every month or two, from february 2023 until she broke up with me. This included a married man that secretely had an affair with her, a DJ and some other profiles that were now blocked. None of these conversations or any new ones extended beyond 2023. Since we got back together she didn't text any guy, and told her best friend how happy she was with me, now that our relationship is on the right tracks. The married man seemed to be a long time friend of hers, that she occasionally hooked up with during the last few years while being single. She talked to him about our issues, showed him screenshots of our fights and was looking for comfort. She told him multiple times how she can't continue like that but doesn't have the strenght to break up. Many of the things that she complained to him about were actually things I did and they were indeed mostly my fault.
I am totally devastated, I know I shouldn't have done it and I'm ashamed of what I've done. It completely shattered anything that I believed was true about her. I didn't tell her anything or show any anger this morning as she left for work. I don't know what to do. I love her so much and everything is finally perfect since we "redirected" our relationship onto the right path. I'm not trying to defend or justify anything that she did, but I feel like her actions were linked to the things that didn't go well during that entire year.
Either I tell her that I checked her phone, which will lead to a breakup or I figure out a way to see the "old" and the "new" relationship as two separate events, since I couldn't find anything indicating that she's still seeing other people and being dishonest. On one hand, I don't know how to pretend as if I didn't know it, on the other hand I don't want to end this for something that is linked to a past relationship. This year we are invited to several weddings together, we booked our vacations, etc.
Please help me..