https://youtu.be/nVG2eX4wTVY Explore Google's AI feature that's causing ripples among publishers, NVIDIA's transformative text-to-3D collaboration, and how ChatGPT is redefining depression treatment. Plus, get insights on Microsoft's AI Bug Bounty, Meta's brain-decoding AI, Amazon's robotic leap, and more! Don't miss out on the latest AI revolution trends. 🔍🤖 #AIRevolution2023 #GPT4Rivals #NVIDIAAI #GoogleAISummary #ChatGPTvsDoctors
Welcome to AI Unraveled, the podcast that demystifies frequently asked questions on artificial intelligence and keeps you up to date with the latest AI trends. Join us as we delve into groundbreaking research, innovative applications, and emerging technologies that are pushing the boundaries of AI. From the latest trends in ChatGPT and the recent merger of Google Brain and DeepMind, to the exciting developments in generative AI, we've got you covered with a comprehensive update on the ever-evolving AI landscape. In today's episode, we'll cover the challenges faced by publishers with Google's AI summary feature, the advancements in language models with MemGPT, Microsoft's AI Bug Bounty Program, the usage and benefits of AI-based apps for Mac users, collaborations in AI voice technology, the introduction of Baidu's Ernie 4.0 AI model, NVIDIA's enhancements to AI with TensorRT-LLM, the capabilities of ChatGPT in treating depression, BlackBerry's Gen AI cybersecurity assistant, NVIDIA and Masterpiece Studio's text-to-3D AI tool, the growing presence and impact of AI on businesses, Meta's real-time image reconstruction AI, the latest releases in multimodal models and robotics, and a recommended book on artificial intelligence titled "AI Unraveled".
Google's new AI summary feature, Search Generative Experience, is a hot topic that has publishers in a dilemma. This advancement in technology offers both opportunities and challenges. Let's dive into the discussion!
On one hand, this feature promises a more streamlined experience for users. That's great news! But on the flip side, it poses a significant threat to publishers who rely on click-throughs for their revenue and strive for recognition.
Picture yourself in this situation. You're faced with a tough decision: do you allow Google to summarize your content and risk losing recognition and traffic? Or do you choose to opt-out and virtually disappear from the web? It's like being caught between a rock and a hard place!
So, what can publishers do to protect their interests in this scenario? Let me share a few strategies that I believe can be effective:
Firstly, optimize for snippets. If Google is going to summarize your content, make sure it's your best content displayed! Use SEO strategies to optimize for featured snippets and summaries. That way, your essential references can still be included, and you can make the most of this opportunity.
Secondly, diversify your revenue streams. Don't solely rely on Google as your main source of income. Explore other avenues like subscriptions, sponsored content, and merchandise. By expanding your revenue streams, you become less dependent on the uncertainties of Google's algorithms.
Thirdly, engage directly with your audience. Utilize social media platforms and newsletters to build a loyal community. By directly engaging with your audience, you create an alternative route to reach and retain them. This strengthens your relationship and ensures that your content continues to gain exposure.
Lastly, collaborate and advocate. Team up with other publishers to advocate for fair practices. Remember, there's strength in numbers! By joining forces, you have a greater chance of influencing changes that benefit all publishers.
In this dynamic digital era, it's essential to have a progressive mindset and be willing to adapt to changes. Striving for an equitable middle ground is often the way forward. But what are your thoughts on how publishers can implement this? I'd love to hear your opinions!
Here's an interesting perspective to consider: Could this AI summary feature actually be seen as an SEO opportunity in disguise? Perhaps those who can create the most helpful and summarizable content will flourish in this new landscape.
So, let's discuss! Share your insights, challenges, and ideas. How do you see publishers navigating this dilemma? The floor is yours.
So, let's talk about this interesting system called MemGPT. What it basically does is it takes language models, also known as LLMs, and boosts their capabilities by extending the context window they can work with.
You see, traditional LLMs have a limited window of context they can consider when processing information. But MemGPT changes that by using a virtual context management system inspired by hierarchical memory systems in operating systems.
With MemGPT, different memory tiers are intelligently managed to provide an extended context within the LLM's window. It's like giving the LLM more room to think and understand the information it's given.
One cool thing about MemGPT is that it also uses interrupts to manage control flow. This means that it can handle and prioritize different pieces of information effectively.
The performance of MemGPT has been evaluated in areas like document analysis and multi-session chat, and it has actually outperformed traditional LLMs in these tasks.
If you're curious and want to experiment further with MemGPT, you'll be happy to know that the code and data for it have been released for others to use and tinker with. So, go ahead and dive into the world of extended context with MemGPT!
Did you know that Microsoft has recently introduced a new AI Bug Bounty Program? This program is aimed at rewarding security researchers with up to $15,000 for finding and reporting bugs in Microsoft's AI-powered Bing experience. So if you're into AI and have a knack for discovering vulnerabilities, this could be a great opportunity for you!
The Microsoft AI Bug Bounty Program covers a range of eligible products, including Bing Chat, Bing Image Creator, Microsoft Edge, Microsoft Start Application, and Skype Mobile Application. By targeting these specific areas, Microsoft is able to focus on enhancing the security of its AI-powered services and ensuring a safer experience for its users.
This program is all part of Microsoft's commitment to protecting its customers from security threats and investing in AI security research. They want to learn and grow, and by inviting security researchers to submit their findings through the MSRC Researcher Portal, they hope to strengthen their vulnerability management process for AI systems.
So, if you're a security researcher interested in AI and want to earn some extra cash while making the digital world a safer place, why not give the Microsoft AI Bug Bounty Program a shot? Who knows, you might just uncover something groundbreaking and help shape the future of AI security!
Hey there! I have some interesting news for all you Mac users out there. A new report has just been released by Setapp, the awesome app subscription service for macOS and iOS by MacPaw. They conducted their 3rd annual Mac Apps Report, and guess what they found? According to the responses they collected from Mac users, a whopping 42% of them use AI-based apps every single day! That's a pretty impressive number if you ask me.
But that's not all. The report also unveiled that 63% of these AI-based app users actually believe that AI tools are super beneficial. And you know what? I couldn't agree more! AI has really changed the game when it comes to app functionality.
In addition to these interesting findings, Setapp's latest Mac Developer Survey revealed even more cool stuff. It turns out that 44% of Mac developers have already implemented AI or machine learning models into their apps. That's pretty ahead of the game, don't you think? And guess what? Another 28% are currently working on it. So, we can definitely expect to see even more AI-powered apps in the future.
It's truly fascinating to see how AI is transforming the world of apps and making them smarter and more efficient. I can't wait to see what other exciting developments lie ahead!
Hey there! I've got some exciting news to share with you. ElevenLabs has recently partnered up with Pictory AI to bring you an even more realistic AI video experience.
You see, ElevenLabs has always been passionate about pushing the boundaries of AI voice technology. And Pictory AI? Well, they're pretty renowned for their innovative algorithms that can magically turn plain old text into captivating videos.
Now, here's the juicy part. Thanks to the integration of ElevenLabs' advanced AI voice technology, Pictory users like yourself can now take advantage of a whopping 51 new hyper-realistic AI voices for your videos. How cool is that?
This partnership is all about enhancing engagement and personalizing the viewer's experience. Just imagine how much more captivating and immersive your videos will be with these cutting-edge AI voices.
So whether you're a content creator, a business owner, or just someone who loves making videos, this collaboration is sure to elevate your video game to a whole new level. Get ready to captivate your audience like never before!
So, have you heard the news about Baidu? You know, China's version of Google? They just revealed their latest generative AI model, Ernie 4.0! And the exciting part is that Baidu claims it's right up there with OpenAI's groundbreaking GPT-4 model. Impressive, right?
Now, during the big reveal, Baidu really honed in on Ernie 4.0's memory capabilities. They went all out and even showcased it flexing its writing skills by crafting a martial arts novel in real-time. Talk about a multi-talented AI!
But here's the kicker - we don't have any concrete numbers on the benchmark performance just yet. It would have been enlightening to get some specific figures, but I guess we'll have to wait for that.
Anyway, this battle between Baidu and OpenAI is heating up! Ernie 4.0 is definitely making a name for itself, boasting some serious capabilities. It's fascinating to witness how far AI technology has come, and I'm eager to see what these powerful models can achieve in the future.
Stay tuned! There's bound to be more exciting developments on the AI front. Who knows what the next big reveal will bring?
Hey there! Have you heard the news? NVIDIA is really stepping up their game when it comes to artificial intelligence. They've just released TensorRT-LLM, a powerful AI model that can make things run a whopping 4 times faster on Windows. And guess what? This boost is specifically tailored for consumer PCs running GeForce RTX and RTX Pro GPUs.
But that's not all. NVIDIA has introduced a cool new feature called In-Flight batching. It's like a magic scheduler that allows for dynamic processing of smaller queries alongside those big and compute-intensive tasks. Pretty neat, right?
And if you're wondering about optimization, fear not! They've made optimized open-source models available for download. These models deliver even higher speedups when you increase the batch sizes, which is awesome.
But what can TensorRT-LLM actually do? Well, it can improve your daily productivity by enhancing tasks like chat engagement, document summarization, email drafting, data analysis, and content generation. It's like having a supercharged assistant that solves the problem of outdated or incomplete information by using a localized library filled with specific datasets. Impressive, right?
Oh, and there's more good news. The company has also released RTX Video Super Resolution version 1.5. This version takes LLMs (which stands for linear low-frequency models) to the next level, improving productivity even more.
So, with all these updates and optimizations, NVIDIA is really making some serious strides in the world of AI. Exciting times ahead!
So, get this: there's a study that shows how a chatbot called ChatGPT is doing a super impressive job in treating depression. Like, seriously, it's outperforming actual doctors! This chatbot is all about giving unbiased, evidence-based treatment recommendations that match up with clinical guidelines. The researchers compared the evaluations and treatment recommendations for depression made by ChatGPT-3 and ChatGPT-4 with those of primary care physicians. And guess what? The chatbot came out on top!
Here's how they did it: they fed the chatbots different patient scenarios, you know, with patients who had various attributes and levels of depression. And based on that info, the chatbots would give their recommendations.
Now, don't get too carried away just yet. This study is definitely a step in the right direction, but there's still more work to be done. They need to dig deeper and refine the chatbot's recommendations, especially when it comes to dealing with severe cases of depression. Plus, they gotta tackle the possible risks and ethical concerns that come with using artificial intelligence for clinical decision-making.
But hey, let's celebrate this accomplishment! It's super cool that technology can make a positive impact on mental health.
BlackBerry is upping its game with a brand new cybersecurity assistant, and they're calling it Gen AI. This cutting-edge assistant is powered by generative artificial intelligence and is specifically designed for BlackBerry's Cylance AI customers. So, what exactly does Gen AI do? Well, it's all about predicting customer needs and giving them the information they need before they even ask for it. Say goodbye to manual questions and hello to a seamless, proactive experience.
One of the biggest advantages of Gen AI is its speed. It can compress hours of research into just a few seconds. Imagine all the time you'll save! And it doesn't stop there. Gen AI also offers a natural workflow, which means you don't have to deal with the frustration of an inefficient chatbot. BlackBerry knows a thing or two about innovation, and they have the AI/ML patents to prove it. In fact, they have more than five times the number of patents compared to their competitors. Impressive, right?
But that's not all. BlackBerry is also committed to responsible AI development. They were one of the first companies to sign Canada's voluntary Code of Conduct on the responsible development and management of advanced Generative AI systems. This shows their dedication to ensuring that AI is used in a responsible and ethical manner.
For now, the Gen AI cybersecurity assistant will be available to a select group of customers. But who knows, it may soon be making waves in the cybersecurity industry.
NVIDIA and Masterpiece Studio have joined forces to bring us an exciting new tool called Masterpiece X - Generate. With this text-to-3D AI playground, anyone can delve into the world of 3D art. It's all about using generative AI to transform text prompts into amazing 3D models. And the best part? You don't need any prior knowledge or skills to make it work!
Here's how it goes: you simply type in what you want to see, and voila! The program generates a 3D model for you. Of course, it may not be super detailed or suitable for high-end game assets, but it's perfect for those moments when you need to explore ideas or quickly iterate on a design.
And don't worry about compatibility. The resulting assets work seamlessly with popular 3D software, so you can easily integrate them into your creative projects. Plus, here's a cool tidbit: the tool is available on mobile too!
Now, let's talk about access. It operates on a credit-based system, but no worries there either. When you create an account, you'll receive a generous 250 credits to get started. That means you can freely bring your ideas to life without any restrictions. So, what are you waiting for? Dive into the world of Masterpiece X - Generate and unleash your creativity!
So, how many businesses are actually using AI? Well, recent studies show that there has been a significant increase in AI adoption among enterprises. In fact, about 50% of businesses have already integrated AI into their operations to some extent, indicating a critical mass of adoption.
And it's not just a few businesses here and there. The global AI market is expected to reach a staggering $266.92 billion by 2027, according to a report by Fortune Business Insights. That's a huge market potential!
Looking ahead, the future of AI in business looks even brighter. A survey by McKinsey predicts that the global market for artificial intelligence could skyrocket to a valuation of $1.87 trillion by 2032. That's an incredible growth trajectory!
It's clear that business owners are recognizing AI's potential. In fact, a whopping 97% of them believe that ChatGPT, a popular AI tool, will be beneficial for their companies. That's a high level of confidence in the positive impact of AI.
In the coming years, AI is expected to play a major role in customer interactions. By 2025, it's anticipated that a staggering 95% of customer interactions will be facilitated by AI. That's a huge shift in the way businesses and customers interact.
When we look at leading enterprises, it's evident that AI is already making its mark. A solid 91% of these enterprises have ongoing investments in AI, highlighting its significance in modern business operations.
And the impact of AI is not just theoretical. A substantial 92% of businesses have witnessed measurable outcomes from leveraging AI for their operations. That's concrete evidence of the benefits that AI can bring to businesses.
However, there are concerns among executives who have not yet embraced AI. A significant 75% of them worry that failure to implement AI could result in business closure within the next five years. So, it's clear that AI is becoming a crucial factor for business success.
When we look at specific regions, AI adoption varies. For example, in Australia, 73% of brands believe that AI is a pivotal force driving business success, with 64% of them expecting AI to enhance customer relationships.
Meanwhile, in China, the adoption of AI is notably high, with 58% of companies already deploying AI. This makes China the global leader in AI adoption.
So, there's no denying that AI is making waves in the business world. However, it's important to note that the adoption of AI will have an impact on employment. It's estimated that AI could potentially displace between 400 million to 800 million individuals by 2030. This will lead to a significant shift in the employment landscape.
But it's not all doom and gloom. The future holds new opportunities too. By 2025, an estimated 97 million new roles are expected to emerge as a result of the new division of labor among humans, machines, and algorithms. So, while there may be disruptions, there will also be new possibilities for collaboration and growth.
In conclusion, AI adoption in businesses is on the rise, with a significant number of enterprises already integrating AI into their operations. The global AI market is expected to reach immense heights, and business owners recognize the potential benefits of AI. However, concerns about the consequences of not adopting AI are prevalent, and the employment landscape will undergo significant changes. Nonetheless, the future holds new opportunities for both humans and machines to work together in innovative ways.
So, there's some really interesting research coming out of Meta these days. They've been working on this amazing AI system that can decode images directly from brain activity in real-time. Can you believe that? It's like something out of a science fiction movie.
They used magnetoencephalography, or MEG for short, to analyze how the brain processes visual information. And let me tell you, the results are pretty impressive. This AI system can actually reconstruct the images that the brain is perceiving and processing at any given moment.
Now, I have to admit, the images it generates aren't perfect. There's definitely some room for improvement. But the important thing here is the potential. With this technology, researchers can now decode complex representations in the brain with millisecond precision. That's a level of detail we could only dream of before.
Imagine the possibilities! This could have huge implications for understanding how our brains work, and maybe even for helping people with conditions like blindness or other sensory impairments. It's really exciting to see how far we've come in the field of neuroscience. Who knows what else we'll be able to uncover in the future?
Adept is releasing a new model called Fuyu-8B, which is a smaller version of their multimodal model. The great thing about Fuyu-8B is that it has a simple architecture without an image encoder. This makes it easy to combine text and images, handle different image resolutions, and simplifies both training and inference. Plus, it is super fast, delivering responses for large images in less than 100 milliseconds. That's perfect for copilot use cases where low latency is crucial.
But Fuyu-8B isn't just optimized for Adept's use case. It also performs well in standard image understanding benchmarks like visual question-answering and natural-image-captioning. So you can expect impressive results across different tasks.
Moving on, there's exciting news about GPT-4V. A new research technique called Set-of-Mark (SoM) has been introduced to enhance the visual grounding abilities of large multimodal models like GPT-4V. The researchers used interactive segmentation models to divide an image into regions and overlay them with marks like alphanumerics, masks, and boxes. The experiments demonstrate that SoM significantly boosts GPT-4V's performance on complex visual tasks that require grounding. This means that GPT-4V is now even better at understanding and interpreting visuals, making it more powerful than ever before.
So, both Fuyu-8B and GPT-4V are bringing exciting advancements to the field of AI agents and large multimodal models.
Amazon is really stepping up its game when it comes to robotics. The company recently announced two new AI-powered robots, Sequoia and Digit, that are designed to assist employees and improve delivery for customers.
Sequoia, which is already operating at a fulfillment center in Houston, Texas, is able to help store and manage inventory up to 75% faster than previous systems. This means that items can be listed on
Amazon.com more quickly and orders can be processed faster. Sequoia integrates multiple robot systems to organize inventory and features an ergonomic workstation to reduce the risk of injuries.
But that's not all. Amazon has also introduced Sparrow, a robotic arm that consolidates inventory in totes. And they are even testing out mobile manipulator solutions and a bipedal robot called Digit to further enhance collaboration between robots and employees.
In other news, Google DeepMind has released MuJoCo 3.0, an updated version of their open-source tool for robotics research. This new release offers improved simulation capabilities, allowing for better representation of objects like clothes, screws, gears, and donuts. Plus, MuJoCo 3.0 now supports GPU and TPU acceleration through JAX, making computations faster and more powerful.
Lastly, Google Search is helping English learners improve their language skills with a new AI-powered feature. Android users in select countries can engage in interactive speaking practice sessions, receiving personalized feedback and daily reminders to keep practicing. This feature, created in collaboration with linguists, teachers, and language experts, includes contextual translation, real-time feedback, and semantic analysis to help learners communicate effectively. The technology behind this feature, Deep Aligner, has led to significant improvements in alignment quality and translation accuracy.
Oh, I have just the recommendation for you if you're itching to dive deeper into the world of artificial intelligence! It's this amazing book called "AI Unraveled: Demystifying Frequently Asked Questions on Artificial Intelligence." Trust me, it's a must-have for anyone who wants to expand their understanding of AI.
And the best part? You can easily get your hands on a copy! You've got options – you can grab it from Apple, Google, or Amazon. Yep, you heard that right, it's available on all major platforms. So, no matter what device you're using, you can start unraveling the mysteries of AI right away.
This book is an essential resource that's designed to answer all those burning questions you may have about artificial intelligence. It's written in a way that breaks down complex concepts into easy-to-understand language, so you don't need a degree in computer science to grasp it.
So, whether you're a curious beginner or a seasoned tech enthusiast, "AI Unraveled" has something for everyone. Don't wait any longer – expand your knowledge of artificial intelligence and get your hands on this book today!
In today's episode, we covered a range of topics including the challenges faced by publishers with Google's AI summary feature, the advancements in language models with MemGPT and Ernie 4.0, the importance of AI security with Microsoft's AI Bug Bounty Program, the growing usage and benefits of AI-based apps, collaborations for more realistic video voices, NVIDIA's latest advancements in AI, ChatGPT's success in treating depression, new AI cybersecurity assistant by BlackBerry, NVIDIA's text-to-3D AI tool, the impact of AI on businesses, Meta's groundbreaking AI image reconstruction, Adept's multimodal models, Amazon's AI robots, DeepMind's robotics research tool, and Google's language learning feature - all these and more can be further explored in the "
AI Unraveled" book available now. Join us next time on AI Unraveled as we continue to demystify frequently asked questions on artificial intelligence and bring you the latest trends in AI, including ChatGPT advancements and the exciting collaboration between Google Brain and DeepMind. Stay informed, stay curious, and don't forget to subscribe for more!
Subscribe and stay tuned for more weekly AI news updates:
https://rss.com/podcasts/djamgatech/1183554/ Full transcript:
https://enoumen.com/2023/10/02/ai-revolution-in-october-2023-the-latest-innovations-reshaping-the-tech-landscape/ Are you eager to expand your understanding of artificial intelligence? Look no further than the essential book "
AI Unraveled: Demystifying Frequently Asked Questions on Artificial Intelligence," available at
Apple,
Google, or
Amazon today:
https://amzn.to/3ZrpkCu I'm finally doing it. I'm using my psp as my cellphone. I just did videochat with my friend, using the facetime homebrew app. What other devices do you know where you can go from a video call, to web browsing, to playing top games online like Medal of Honor Heroes, and Syphon Filter Logans Shadow?
Anyone else using psp as a phone??
Simula pagkabata, ang tingin ko palagi sa tatay ko ay isang idolo, na I should be once when I grow up. However, that change simula nung 10 years old ako. Kuha kayo pagkain medyo mahaba-habang kwento to. Sabi nga ni Taylor Swift, "I'll remember it all too well"
I was an only child from the family. Sadly, namatay kapatid kong lalake simula sanggol pa lang siya. Tatay ko isang liscenced engr. My mom was a registered nurse. We live in a decent house.Were not rich, but atleast there's always food at the kitchen table.
I grew up with strict parents especially my dad. Halos simula tumuntong ako ng nursery hanggang college ay kailangan nakaayon sa gusto niya. As an only child din, expectation sayo ng magulang mo to be at your very best. Even though, I lived with that simula pagkabata inenjoy ko rin naman slight ang childhood ko. I graduated naman as salutatorian nung high school.
At first, I thought my family was atleast perfect pero nagbago iyon noong 10 years old ako. It was the middle of December, nasa christmas party ako, sinundo ako ng maaga ng lola ko kasi may komosyon daw sa bahay. Pagdating namin, I saw my mom being assissted sa kitchen namin. About 30 minutes later, nakita ko nanay ko bigla biglaan na lang kumuha ng tinidor at sinubukan niya saksakin yung dibdib niya. As a 10 year old, hindi ako nakagalaw sa nakita ko. This when I later find out that my mom has Bipolar condition. Nasa side raw ng family nila yung ganoon pero lumabas lang sa mother ko noong namatay yung kapatid ko noong sanggol pa siya. She was assisted papunta sa psychiatric ward (I wont say the Hospital name for privacy )
And this is where I consider where my genuine happiness starts to slip away. Since learning that, and na discharge nanay ko sa psychiatric ward. I was basically my mom's own nurse and 3rd leg as a 10 year old. I had to sacrifice my time para bantayan siya pagkauwi galing school. May nagbabantay naman sa bahay namin kapag nasa school ako.
Sa kabilang pahina naman, yung tatay ko, is nakadestino sa trabaho (upper north), pero ang problema ko, is hindi siya nauwi galing trabaho KAHIT ONCE (1) A MONTH MAN LANG. Nagpapadala lang siya ng pera and minsan hindi siya magrereply ng 1-2 days. Ang own way of communication na lang namin is through messenger and skype. This is where I found out the truth. Once, my dad accidentaly texted my mom with a message
" Basta, alam kong gusto mo pa ako, kasi yung asawa ko nasa probinsiya nila, pero sige punta ako diyan bukas".
I was shocked, pero hindi ko ginawang conclusion muna. However my conclusion was right, he's having an affair with some woman, kasi i snooped once sa blackberry phone niya nung dumating siya noong holiday christmas and saw all those flirting and cheesy messages.
After noon, i was in a total pause, hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. The immediate thought na naisip ko ay, if sasabihin ko ito sa buong pamilya, potentially pwede di kayanin ng nanay ko and baka worst case scenario magpakamatay siya. Saka ayoko magkaroon ng ibang nanay. Even though na may condition sa isip nanay ko, maaalaga parin siya at supportive sakin. That's why kinimkim ko na lang hanggang sa mag-college ako. Although nagcocontribute pa rin siya sa bahay which is good
After all of that I developed a love and hate relationship sa tatay ko. At first I blamed it all too him, I was living in a chaos sa buhay ko. Sinantabi ko lahat ng emosyon ko muna. Pero growing up simula 11 years old, I had to show that I'm not affected by all nangyari sa buhay ko. I have to be that smart, diligent, and hardworking son in school. I sacrificed my highs school life para mapasaya lang magulang ko. Pero never once naging enough ako sa tatay ko.
I didnt get to enjoy my teenage life, I had to sacrifice friendship, gatherings, meetings, love, relationship, time, sleep or atleast the enjoyment of being a teenager because of my Mom's condition. My dad seldomly goes to the house na lang. Pero I still kept that secret in me even though masakit na. I cried a lot in secrecy because I saw other teens at my age having fun. But currently now, I'm having too busy monitoring my Mom's meds and actions. We had to sacrifice budget kasi ang mahal ng gamot niya
This would go on upto tumuntong ako ng 18 years old. Pero maraming masasakit na nangyari along the way (summarize ko na lang sainyo)
- sinubukan ng nanay ko patayin sarili niya by drinking bleach and jumping off the roof (15 years old). Pero neither of that succeded
- My mom started to get physical and starts to hurt people inside the house minsan ( 13-18 years old )
- My dad lost his job and had to find another (14 years old)
- My Mom's condition worsen even though naka meds siya, kasi monthly na siya nagkakaroon ng "bipolar scenario" (15-17 years old). She was in and out palagi sa hospital. Hindi niya trusted mga tao sa bahay kasi akala may gagawing masama sa kanya
- ang pinaka masaklap na nangyari is, 16 years old ako, my mom tried to hit me with something when I was sleeping beside her. Gumising kasi siya para umihin (naka nightlight lang) pagsulyap ko she was striking me with something na bakal. Pero buti sa braso ko lang tumama. Binitawan niya, and natulog na lang siya. Hindi ako nakatulog nun
This was a turning point for me, the morning came, na-trauma ako malala. In the back of my head, my intrusive thoughts were saying, "What if kutsilyo iyon", and others. Basta simula noon, legitimately ko kaya matulog katabi siya. Tumataas tibok ng puso ko. Nag sabi ako sa other members ng family ko na matutulog na lang ako sa sala kasama lolo ko. Tumagala to ng 1 month pero slowly nagdesipate kasi I had to be strong and also vigilant kasi walang magbabantay sa kanya. Humihingi na lang rin ako ng tulong sa side ng mother ko kasi alam nila yung ganung condirtion.
- My mom and dad didnt attend my junior high school graduation. My mom apparently was nakatakas sa bahay, and my dad said na nasa trabaho siya.
- Tatay ko bihira na umuwi sa bahay mga 1 per 2 months kasi sabi niya nakadestino raw siya sa visayas or sa mindanao Minsan may proof minsan wala. (15-18 years). Fromt the span of this time I caught my dad once again having a new affair
- Pag hihingi ako ng tulong sa tatay ko, or sasabihin mga pinaggagawa ng nanay ko ang palagi niyang sasabihin pakalmahin lang.
Having to experience all of that at a young age, have made a lot of impacts sa social life ko. I was that loner kid. I didnt feel that I was having real friends or a group kasi minsan kinakausap lang ako kapag may need sila na acads or iba. I never had a best friend nor someone na i would say kaclose ng sobra pero there were still some na i would say na friends ko. I thought that was only going to happen in junior high pero sadly, hanggang senior high ganun rin. I always put others even my fam first kaysa sakin, kaya madalas ako magkasakit and payat ako.
The pandemic came and my dad got caught with the lockdown dun sa trabaho niya (2020). I was starting off college and My mom's bipolar condition is not totally gone pero andun parin. I had to endure all of the scenarios if ever magtrigger nanaman mom ko. And wala na kami choice na gawin yun, kasi all of the hospitals at that time where using most rooms as COVID patient Isolations. I was at an all time low kasi the expectation pa rin ng tatay ko was high sakin. Siya pumili ng school at course ko at kailangan kasama raw ako sa Dean's lister but at the same time. At the same time, need ko bantayan nanay ko atleast haggang 2-3am kapag magtritriger sakit niya, magtuto ng pagkain, and maglinis ng bahay. I cried.... I cried for atleast kasi kahit nung dumating 2021 I didnt had sometimes the strength na pigilan nanay ko. Kasi mga kasama ko lang dito sa bahay simula 2020-2021 ay mga lola at lolo ko saka isa kong pinsan. Minsan hinahayaan ko na lang magwala nanay ko kasi i'm extremely exhausted and i'm telling you I passed out multiple times pero I didnt tell anyone because ayoko mag add ng problema sa pamilya.
As well as nag-apply ako ng work from home para may extra pantustuos sa bahay pambili ng grocery and gamot ng nanay ko Tatay ko? Umuwi lang kamo siya ng tuwing december even though lumuwag na lahat ng restrictions. He didn't even showed up on my mom's , my birthday, valentines day, wedding anniversary, and others. Pero i did believe in wildest things, para sa sake raw ng pag-aaral ko, my relatives from the side of my mom voluntarily said na sila na lang mag-aalaga ng nanay ko para sa sake ng pag-aaral ko.
AFTER MANY YEARSSSSSS, THAT FEELING I STILL REMEMBER IT. NAKALUWAG AKO NG HININGA, LIKE I WAS FREED FROM BILIBID PRISON. I GOT TO ATLEAST GUMALA, SUMAYA, AND MAGPUNTA SA IBANG LUGAR FOR ATLEAST A COUPLE MONTHS.
Now comes the juicy part:
Nung nag-announce ng vaccine, nag-message sakin tatay kos a messenger, magpapa-vaccine raw siya dito sa city namin, pero hindi lang siya mag-isa. Nag-send siya ng picture ng dalawang babae apparently co-workers niya yun pero hindi ako naniwala. Inisip ko ulit na ka-affair nanaman niya pero di muna ako nag-jump into conclusions. Ang nakakapagtaka nung dumating siya dito sa city namin para sa vaccine, he asked me na makipagmeet sa nearby SM namin hindi sa bahay which is weird. May dalawa siyang phone, isang android and isang iphone. Tumaas lalo senses ko na he's cheating nanaman kasi may dalawang phone and phone no. siya. pero di pinayagan na magpavaccine dito yung dalawang babae na sinend niya sakin kasi hindi sila legally taga rito. I let that pass by hanggang december 2021. Dun ko na confirm na ayun, nag-iilove you sila both nung isang babae sa phone niya na iphone (yung isang babae is kapatid nung ka-affair ng tatay ko.)
Parang this time nawala na ata fully threshold ko. This is where ultimately nagalit na ko sa kanya kasi ikaw nakikipaglokohan ka habang dito sa bahay naghihirap kami. Don't get me wrong nagpapadala pa rin siya pera pero, his lies are off the roof. Sinasabi niyang naka-destino siya mindanao pero nung tinawag siya ng nanay niya (lola ko) na pumunta dito kasi nagkasakit and sinugod sa hospital ( she' still alive to this day ) Nakapunta siya sa bahay namin ng 1hr and a half travel time? Sinasabi niyang wala na siyang pera peroooooo nakikita ko may pinagbibilhan siya ng mga mamahaling regalo sa likuran ng sasakyan niya? The moments where I need him the most atleast noong 15 years old ako hanggang ngayon ay napakasakit pa rin na hindi man lang niya magawa. My mom and I palagi siyang kinakamusta pero palagi niyang sinasabi na busy siya and di man lang kaya magseen or magreply. I was constantly overthinking na that guy, mas inuuna pa niya minsan kabit niya kaysa sa pamilya niya.
My mom eventually got sent back to the psychiatic ward kasi hindi na namin nacocontrol sa bahay pagiging physical niya. Eto yung nakakagalit na part dito, dinala niya kasama sa billing center nung time na ng bayaran sin ate mo kabit girl. Ang hindi alam ng tatay ko na alam ko relasyon nilang dalawa. Hindi ako nagbibiro gusto ko sapakin yung babae or sabunutan siya pero i don't want to make a scene sa loob nung hospital. Umuwi kami sa probinsiya nung nadischarge nanay ko, pero hindi sumama tatay ko sa service car dun siya sumama sa kabit niya na coworker.
Pero kinimkim ko pa rin, ayoko mawalan ng ina, ayoko mawalan ng ina na tinuring kong ina kahit ganun siya. 2023 came. Around Feb, my dad messaged me na pupunta raw siya sa bahay, kasi may sakit siya. Nung pumunta siya sa bahay namin, lumalakad siya ng paika-ika nanghihina raw yung tuhod niya. Apparenly he was on leave, technically, pero magwowork pa rin siya online. He explained to me that he has typhoid fever, and nagtataka siya simula january hindi parin mawala yung sakit niya. Pero around Feb nawala pero yung epekto sa katawan niya yung problema. This would go on about march and napansin kong nangangayayat siya, even though okay naman siya kumain 3x a day. Not gonna lie, gusto ko siya sabihan ng" karma mo lahat ng pinaggagawa no" o hindi man lang siya alagaan dahil sa pingagagaw niya sa buhay. Pero wala buti namana ko sa nanay ko pagiging malasakit and inalagaan pa rin siga. Nang dumating ang April, napansin namin na sobra na pinayat niya he lost 25 kilos from his 60 kilos weight originally. One week napansin namin na nagkakaperiodic fever siya.
Also hindi na siya makarinig ng maayos, and late response minsan, extremely weak, and hindi na makatayo sa dalawang paa niya. My family decided to take him to the hospital. Upon checking for vitals and some tests, he was decided to be put to the ICU kasi sobrang bagsak na raw ng katawan niya. We didnt told my mom kasi ayaw namin mag-alala siya sa probinsiya. Pero right around the 2nd day, etong si kabit girl kasama mga ibang co workers niya pumunta sa hospital. Eto naman si kabit todo punta sa loob para kausapin yung tatay ko. The 3rd night came, ang nagbabantay sa tatay ko ay yung kapatid niya and we got a call from the ICU. Naka-maximum dosage na siya na nakakabit sa dextrose and his body was in a bridge of failing daw. The 4th day we got the news that he passed away. My uncle was the one to say to this but to be honest, I didnt feel a thing...
Furthermore, I actually didnt want to go to the hospital, because I don't care at all but my aunt forced me to go there. When I saw his dead body, I just stood there unfazed by it. But the problem initially hitted me is, "How am I going to tell this to my mom?" I spread the news to both sides of the family and got some responses. The somewhat sad thing about this if this was to happen to you. MY DAD DIED DURING THE HOLY WEEK.
The following day came, and the funeral was already prepared quickly. A decent number of his co-workers came including that kabit. The funny thing is that, out of all na kabit na nahuli ko, siya lang yung pumunta, and not gonna lie even though, I didn't feel a thing about the funeral of my dad. However nagalit ako kasi, I just didnt want that girl's face inside that place. Tapos eto siya tulong tulong sa family namin (hindi pa alam nung fam ko). Palagi siyang pumupunta sa harapan nung katawan ng tatay ko. Ako nasa gilid lang nagagalit ng patago pero may free food naman so ayun hehe. Hindi rin alam ng nanay ko na may kabit siya kahit nun sa funeral. Kailangan din siya bantayan kasi baka (potentially) baka magwala siya and basagin yung glass ng kabaong pero di naman nangyari.
Pero my cousin didnt get to keep his mouth shut, and na spread yung kabit information sa side ng nanay ko. Sabi ng side ng nanay ko, i bulgar daw sa speech ko sa pasasalamat. Pero my aunt had to take the passive aggressive way. Kinausap niya yung kabit and pinalayas HAHAHAHAHAH tuwang tuwa ako nun. Kita ko yung kabit pati kapatid niya nanlulumo mukha, nung pinakita ko sa aunt ko yung mga ebidensiya of cheating kinompile ko lahat sa google drive. Gumwa pa man ako mg powerpoint presentation titled: "(my Father's name) wonderful life " tapos nakasuksok sa end yung kabit evidence pero di natuloy sad hhaahhahaha.
Nalibing na siya and all of that, and I'm glad that my mom didnt even got to have a bipolar moment like this time was feel ko true na, she didn't have a scenario for 5 months na yey. Nakokontrol na niya emotions niya ng maayos pero need pa rin namin i guide. Hoping for the best. And medyo binaba na dosages ng gamot niya
After all of that, I would say I'm techinically free. I would say that, I would be considered rude as a son to say all of this. Although, I shed tears nung naghalungkat ako sa phones and mga gamit niya. Those weren't tears of joy, more like sadness and anger because I saw the moments where I desperately needed him the most pero the evidences of lies keeps piling up lahat. Ginawa pa nga niyang profile pic yung kabit sa laptop.
Pero afterwards, we just hid all the things and moved on. What about me and my fam you may ask? Even though may naiwan na pera sa banko niya, ayoko magrely doon, I'm now working part time sa isang company. I got accepted this week on a 4 significant figure minsan napalo ng 5. Its enough na atleast naman matustosan pang araw araa na gastusin and meds ng nanay ko. So nagpaparamdam daw siya sa mga tito tita ko, pero sakin hindi haha takot naman.
Ayun lang sana na-enjoy niyo story. I'm going to graduate next sem in college, I'm proud to say even sa lahat ng nangyari, I'm still a regular student and I'm running for Cum Laude♥️. Starting this month, I'm trying to live a new life and enjot the best I can. Thanks for reading✨