Good night sms-new

My boyfriend (22M) and I (22F) go to the same university, same class. We've been dating for 1 year and 2 months now. Our relationship started abruptly when he got to know about me being in an exclusive situationship for more than a year with a guy I've only known online. He figured this guy wasn't going to commit and he didn't treat me right so wanted me to give him a chance and that he'd show what it felt like to be loved, to be in a committed relationship. While we didn’t feel a deep connection initially, he grew on me over time. I enjoyed hanging out with him and doing things together, and I considered him my best friend. One day I was talking to another guy in practical class about using a microscope and we were smiling, we didn't flirt but he had a problem with the guy. He got very angry and refused to talk to me and stormed out and didn't speak to me for an hour, then we fought over the phone like animals for the rest of the night. Similar incidents happened 3 more times. His explanation is that these were guys "he had a problem with and I just had to talk to them and ruin it." Eventually I found out that his ex-girlfriend had cheated on him multiple times and he has some severe trust issues because of that. I tried to understand him and went as far as sending him video updates, live location anytime I went out without him. Although things have changed now, it's not as severe anymore and I don't have to send him proof anymore, I still have to inform him.
My boyfriend is very insecure and has a habit of cursing others behind their backs (not trying to defend the people being cursed at) which disgusts me. His insecurity has led to several huge fights whenever I interact with other guys, to the point where I avoid talking to any male classmates and even stopped visiting my sister because she often has male friends over.
Things took a darker turn when he physically abused me on multiple occasions. He slapped me twice, squeezed my arm hard during arguments, and has called me degrading names. I have also called him names in the past, at some point we started cursing at each other when we fought and things got ugly. He promised me he won't do it again and he hasn't slapped me since but he has squeezed my hand very hard to the point it got sore.
I have an anxious attachment style and tend to hold on to relationships despite the flaws. I thought I could help him heal from his past, where he was cheated on and deeply hurt, but I feel suffocated by the restrictions and his behavior. My childhood was filled with physical and emotional abuse, and I’ve learned to defend myself, but this relationship has triggered many of those old wounds.
Our relationship has a mix of good and bad:
Good Times (80%): He saves seats for me, introduced me to new experiences like seeing the mountains, and I genuinely enjoy his company. Verbal Fights (14%): Frequent arguments, mostly stemming from his insecurity. Abuse (6%): Physical and verbal abuse that has caused both physical pain and emotional distress. Despite the good memories, the physical pain and emotional turmoil remind me of the ongoing abuse, making me question the health of this relationship. I feel sorry for myself and trapped in a cycle of hope and hurt.
He recently abused me and the physical pain reminds me of my emotional turmoil and I just don't want to be abused anymore. But he's begging me to stay, promises that he'll change. But I just don't know. What should I do?
TL;DR: I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year. While our relationship has many good times, it also includes frequent arguments and some physical and verbal abuse. His past experiences and insecurities have led to controlling behavior. I feel trapped between the good memories and the recurring abuse. Recently, he abused me again and I'm struggling with the decision to leave as he promises to change. What should I do?

I'm venting but also seeking advice. Is it relatively normal for husbands to feel like they're generally the partner showing desire, seeking closeness with their wives, and having to "work for it" versus feeling desired back?
My wife and I have been together for nearly 20 years. In our first year together as 18 year olds, she was very sexually adventurous, seemed to desire me, we had a lot of fun. And then it started to plummet slowly over the years. I know this seems to be a common story and somewhat normal for a lot of people.
I've always had a very high libido and romantic/sexual desire for her. She's seemed to have a very low libido and interest in me that way. Over the years I felt like I often initiated sex, and she often turned me down, and she did say that she had low libido and wondered if it was her depression meds, stress, birth control, always different things. I started initiating much less and just accepting that is how it is between us, but I love her and desire her and want to be with her regardless. I got used to sex once a week being good, and often times once a month being common.
Over the years I gained weight, and she's gone up and down in weight. I think part of me wasn't that worried about my weight and how I looked because I felt like she didn't care anyway since she didn't seem all that sexually interested in me. I just masturbated and watched porn or old photos/videos she had made with me. I was content with this, as much as one could be.
We went on to have kids and were generally very happy. Overall we've had a very good, loving relationship and marriage. We've never separated or had to spend a night away from each other or anything like that.
In the past year, I ended up learning a lot of things about my wife (I won't get into how). I learned that my wife had cheated on me with her high school ex boyfriend in the first months we were dating (when we were 18). I learned that she had questioned our marriage a few years ago before we had kids, and she struggled with not feeling attracted to me at times, likely due to my weight gain (although I'm not sure if all of it was due to that). I learned that she still dwelled occasionally on her high school ex from 20 years ago who had cheated on her, and she would have sexual and romantic dreams about him and still felt hurt about their breakup, still hoped he felt bad about it and thought of her, even though this was all ancient history. I learned that she was "infatuated" with a work colleague a couple years ago, but never did anything inappropriate.
This all sent me in a cycle of depression, and reconciliation with her, where we had many conversations and talked through it all over months. I lost a lot of weight and now look and feel better than I have in 15 years. She insists that she loves only me, is attracted to me, but she had struggles and wasn't prioritizing the right things in life and vows to to better and love me better.
This is where I'm having trouble. I feel like we're on such different wavelengths and she doesn't put in much effort toward the things I ask.
When we were reconciling, she said one thing that would help her feel closer is having scheduled date nights, and she suggested we take turns leading them. I don't enjoy scheduling things as much, but wanted to do it for her. When we started the date nights, I took it seriously and tried to plan special, romantic things for her, tried to surprise her, wrote her a love letter, etc. Then when it was her turn to plan a date night, she didn't plan anything and said, "I was thinking we could play a board game together." This disappointed me the first time, but I didn't say anything, but then it continued. I put in effort, planned things, tried to be romantic, and she seemed to forget about them or come up with an idea at the last minute. So I stopped putting in effort, too, and then surprise, the date nights stopped.
I put care into my appearance all the time and try to look good for her. I keep my beard trimmed and shaved, cut my own hair, try to wear clothes she likes, and even started trimming my pubes because I like it and thought she might as well. She rarely acts like she notices the things I do, and she doesn't seem to really care much.
On the flip side, she gained quite a bit of weight from the birth of our children and hasn't lost much yet after quite a bit of time. I know from experience how hard that is and for women especially. But the part that bothers me is how she seems to not really worry at all about her appearance for me or looking good for me. She knows which clothes I like on her, how I really like her hair, how I like her pubic hair, whatever, and she doesn't do it. To her, it's because she doesn't have the time or is so busy. She'll fart near me or blow her nose really loud next to me constantly. I'll try to nicely hint that I don't like it, but she'll do it anyway.
The other day, my wife walked by me naked and made some flirtatious comment to me "hey, you didn't even try to sneak a peek." She'll do that occasionally, but then won't want to have sex or anything, it's just a comment. But it made me sad because I realized that over our 20 years together, she very rarely if ever looks at me sexually when I'm naked after a shower, she very rarely has come up to grab by butt or act like she wants me, but I've always done those things to her over the years. She'll on rare occasion make a comment about wanting to do something romantic or sexual, and then later when the time comes, she says nothing about it and acts like she completely forgot she ever said that.
I'm feeling less attracted to her overall, and for the first time maybe ever, I'm not really wanting to have sex with her as much. I've never been with any other woman in my life (she was with others before me), and I don't really want to be, but I do want to feel desired and like someone is really attracted to me and cares. I want to feel romantic and adventurous and not like an old man even though I'm still young.

I feel like the advice given by ex Muslims vs everyone else in the western world when it comes to dealing with your family is like night and day.
When you ask ex Muslims, they say the options are either 1. Lie for the rest of your life 2. Get disowned or worse.
Whereas when I ask other people, like therapists or counsellors or even non Muslim friends, they’re like “oh they’ll come around, you just have to slowly introduce them to the idea, dont tell them you’re not Muslim but tell them you’ll marry whoever you want, boundaries, etc”
It just puts so much false hope in me that things can work out with my parents if I play it right? Because I wanna just believe that the comments about my parents being terrible and to just live your life how you want are just cynics. For reference I’m 22F in North America, from a very religious and conservative Pakistani family. Took off my hijab two years ago and moved out for school and my mom still cries about it. And I’m dating a non Muslim and intend on moving in with him but obv nobody knows. I also still keep up all the facades and act like a good muslim girl.
TLDR what are you even supposed to do in this situation

16 F here. Hello I’m just very tired of everything and frustrated with myself. School is the most of my problems. I used to be really smart and high achieving and now I can’t even make good grades to save my life. Im a junior in high school and I’ve just taken the SAT and I’m waiting for my scores to get back. My dream school isn’t fancy but it’s competitive. No school is going to accept me because of my shitty grades. I also must say that I’m in a dual credit program which is common now, but when I graduate high school I will also get my associates. I didn’t make the grade needed for this college class and I’m afraid I might be executed from the program. All my other grades are somewhat good and I meet the requirements. My gpa is so low. This is also important because if colleges see this I might just have a chance in life.
My dad died a couple of years ago so that sucks. I’ve been depressed since the fall of 2021 before my dads death. I’m just not happy and I miss my dad dearly. My mom doesn’t understand.
Ik that my grades are my fault but I’ve truly never done anything right in my whole life. I’ve mastered nothing, im not good at sports. My rooms a mess and I just rot in bed all the time. I’ve lost the motivation of doing sports . My mom asks me if I’m depressed and I tell her no. Culturally she would not be accepting. But ik she knows. I got cheated on for a whole entire year, I’ve lost friends, I constantly worry about my moms health hoping that she won’t leave me next. My minds never been at ease.
I feel so hopeless and I don’t want to be here anymore. My suicidal ideations are no help. I feel as if im dramatic if I actually do kms. When I think I feel happier I just get right back depressed. It’s no help that my mom barely lets me go out. I think I’m a pretty ok kid . I hate the way I look and my hair won’t grow. All I do is cry. Last night I couldn’t even wash my hair and shower without bawling my eyes out. I couldn’t do my hair once I got out either. My mom gets mad at me all the time. She doesn’t believe that I can do great things. I look at my class and wonder why I can’t just get good grades. It’s frustrating because no matter how much I try it never works out. My life would be better if I still had my dad around.m
Im just tired and hate myself and everything

The Setup: It's the New Calendar Year 67. The Human Sphere occupies 11 inhabited star systems. The political power of O-12, the interstellar governing body of humanity, is divided among the G-5 Nations, the Aleph AI, hypercorps, submondo criminal organizations, the minor nations of Earth, and mercenary armies. Seven years after the invasion of the human world of Paradiso by the alien Combined Army, the battlefront has stabilized. However, the Combined Army still controls vast swaths of territory and the Acheron Blockade surrounding the world is constantly tested.
Elsewhere, tensions are higher throughout the Human Sphere than they have ever been. Secret operations, fast missions, infiltrations, exfiltrations, and special actions have proliferated. The G-5 nations inflict murder, theft, aggressive espionage, sabotage, and kidnappings upon each other.
To some, Paradiso seems far away and pales in comparison to the dangers of a Sphere in a position every bit as precarious as the days leading up to the last national wars.
The Pitch: You are a field agent of Bureau Noir, O-12's secret service. You quietly work across all the nations, from Earth to the Human Edge, acquiring restricted knowledge and protecting the O-12 from the threats within the Human Sphere. However, you and other members of your team may have secondary loyalties to your home nation or organization that require you to engage in off-the-books side missions within the Wilderness of Mirrors.
The Game: Infinity is a TTRPG adaptation of the sci-fi miniatures skirmish game from Corvus Belli. It uses the 2d20 system from Modiphius, which is also used in the Conan and Star Trek Adventures RPGs. It is a mechanics-heavy take on 2d20 with systems divided between physical conflict, digital (quantronic) conflict, and mental (social) conflict. However, if you understand one system, you understand them all.
Also, not only do you play your Bureau Noir character in Infinity, you take on a second character in the form of a geist - a digital AI friend and assistant - belonging to one of the other players. So even if the spotlight isn't on your primary character, you have a second opportunity for roleplay!
Who Are You?: I'm looking for good-natured, supportive, and creative gamers who enjoy the science-fiction, espionage, and action genres and are willing to invest in the the Infinity setting. I have pre-written material from the publisher to get us going but after that I'd like to adapt the game to your interests and your character. I'm also looking for players who are willing to support their fellow gamers at the virtual table and who stay engaged even when the spotlight isn't directly on them.
About Me: I'm Wes (he/him), I'm 45, and I've been game mastering TTRPG campaigns for almost 20 years. I've also written freelance material for the Traveller and Shadowrun game systems. I've run campaigns in D&D 4E/5E, Pathfinder 1E/2E, Shadowrun 4E, Savage Rifts, FFG Star Wars, CthulhuTech, Traveller 2300 AD, Interface Zero 2.0, Paranoia, The Esoterrorists, Nights Black Agents, and 13th Age.
Anyone is welcome at my table, discrimination and/or harassment is not tolerated, and I'll use safety tools/X-cards. I'll use a combination of Roll20, Discord, and World Anvil.
Please fill out the following form if you're interested and I'll get back with you if I think you could be a good fit!

Blind Gaurdian and Night Demon last week
Uada and Bewitcher Thursday
Exhumed and Skeletal Remains Saturday
Havok and Exmortus on Tuesday
We eating good. This will be a good week to look forward to for years to come.

These assholes make me feel crazier than I already am.
Don't get me wrong, I AM crazy. But only in waves! I'm not always crazy! Sometimes my head just doesn't behave how it's supposed to! But that doesn't mean to out right disbelieve or ignore me!!!
I've been getting weak and shaky and feeling faint with any amount of activity. If I try to go to the store or cook a meal, anything simple like that, I get feverish and dizzy.
I tell my family, and they don't believe me. "It's just your anxiety, honey." NO. IT'S NOT. I have had severe anxiety most of my life. I KNOW anxiety. I'm not anxious!!! My body just won't cooperate!!!
I go to the doctor, and my labs and vitals are fine. But I still have pain in my lower abdomen/back area, and I still have no activity tolerance, and I am still getting random fevers.
"Well, you're overweight and probably inactive. (I'm not inactive, I am hyper as hell.) Activity intolerance is normal for fatties. And that pain is probably just related to periods." OKAY, WOW, THANKS. I lost 20 lbs on bed rest in one month. This is NOT normal.
AND FUCKING THEN. I take a sharp downward turn and end up in the ER. I suddenly stopped producing any liquid for two days. I wasn't peeing no matter how much I drank. I wasn't salivating. My eyes weren't producing tears. I stopped sweating. I would wane in and out of confused delirium.
So I go to the ER, wondering if maybe I'm just seriously dehydrated. I tell them I've been drinking a ton of water. They don't believe me. They take my vitals wrong on purpose. THAT WAS MY JOB FOR YEARS, I KNOW HOW IT WORKS. I try to fix the thermometer, and she purposely puts it on the outside of my teeth and calls out a ridiculously low number like that's normal. They treat me dismissively and imply that I'm crazy because of my medication history. They say my labs are normal, my vitals are normal, and I'm out in less than an hour with no problems fixed.
And then I go home and realize what I thought was a fever flush and sudden breakout was a facial rash.
And my ankles, legs, and hands started to swell.
I would have believed them. I've been treated like I was crazy my whole life. At this point, I believe everyone. It's so hard to believe my own experiences BECAUSE I DON'T TRUST THEM. No one ever believes me.
I'm already slipping back into the mental space of, "Maybe nothing is wrong. Maybe crazy Eggy's just at it again."
But no. Thank god for my husband. Thank god for the man who has been by my side for the last few years, who has seen the way people treat me, who knows I've never lied about anything at all because he's seen it all first hand.
Everyone else got me so fucked up, I was staring at my husband last night and had to convince myself that he was real. I didn't make him up. Other people interact with him. He's real. It's just... He's the only one who ever is on my side, who believes me. It's almost easier to believe that everyone is right, and that I'm just so crazy I don't know anything, than to believe that everyone is treating me like this for no good reason...
I don't understand???
I don't get it at all.
Anyway, husband and I are convinced I have Lupus. We're going to try to see a specialist.
My health has been crumbling away these past few years, and it's getting worse. I would like ANY explanation at all, other than "you're fat and crazy."

Ok so, my daughter is way over due for some kind of sleep training but I just don’t even know where to start:
Short Version: - She’s 13 Months - She is still in a playpen in our room overnight - She sleeps 7PM-5AM. She wakes up 2-3 times at night still. I give her a bottle of water and rub her back and she goes back down within a few minutes. - She takes two good naps during the day but ONLY in the car. Literally will not sleep in her crib or playpen. Total of 2-3 hours of naps. - My main goals are to get her in her own room, decrease the amount of nighttime wake ups and get her to sleep in her crib during naps. Without just letting her full cry it out.
Long Version: She has always been a really bad sleeper. I spent many many months trying to get her to sleep in her crib during naps (the curtains, the sound machine, you name it) but she would either just not nap at all and be miserable. Or, it would take two hours to get her down, just for her to sleep for 20 minutes. I work for myself and watch her at the same time, so it became completely unsustainable. That’s why I started the bad habit of the car naps. Every day I just throw her in the car, drive around the block for 5 minutes, she falls asleep and then I can sit in our driveway for a good chunk of time getting work done. But, obviously that can’t go on forever.
As far as being in our room, I just kept saying “when she starts waking up less throughout the night, we will move her. I can’t imagine having to get up and go into her room every time instead of just rolling over and rubbing her back for a minute”. But, obviously she is still waking up a ton so I don’t know what to do there.
Any advice on which of these issues to start with and how to approach it in a gentle, sustainable way would be super appreciated.

I just started cpap therapy last night and I think I did pretty good overall. Slept with it on for about 6 hours. But, I woke up feeling still very tired. Is this just sleep debt or do I just need to get used to the machine or both?

This is gonna be pretty long n if ur gonna be mean pls don’t even reply to this cus I’m genuinely asking for help. I (22M) have a gf (23F) that I’ve been dating for about 3 months now. Overall she’s a good woman but I have trouble w comparing myself n our relationship to her past relationships. Her n I dated before in high school but we broke up bc of me which was in 2018. We ended up dating other ppl ofc then we became friends at the end of 2019 for a few months n stopped being friends around 2020 summer bc I didn’t wanna be her friend anymore. During the friendship she’d make slick comments saying that we were still in love but I didn’t pay it any mind bc I didn’t want her anymore at the time. The reason I didn’t want her was bc when we dated in high school we never had sex but when she got w the next guy she let him take her virginity n then after they broke up she had a 1 night stand w a guy so I took it personal that she didn’t sleep w me but slept w them. I understand I don’t control her body, I just took it personal bc it made me feel like she thought sum was wrong w me or I wasn’t good enough. The end of 2020-2023 she dated another guy. Fast forward her n I unexpectedly rekindle December 2023. We started dating again in February of this year. 1 of my fav artist is Ken Carson n he posted tour dates for his next tour “a great chaos” she said she would get me the tix about 2-3 weeks ago. She kept saying she’d send me the $ but never did. I said sum to her about it again about 3 days ago n she said she’d get them but still didn’t. I got mad at her n told her I feel like she treats me diff n doesn’t love me as much as she loved her ex’s. When her n I were just friends she’d confide in me n tell me how she would always have to pay for their stuff etc. I remember 1 day back in 2020 she called me upset bc her ex needed her help w a couple hundred dollars for sum w his car n she paid for it mind u when this happened they were alr broken up for awhile. She also claims he sa’d her. (The one that took her virginity) I’m not victim blaming at all. I believe her, I just wonder why do these things for a bad person like that? This is why I think I’m not good enough for her or she’ll never love me or treat me as good as the rest bc the tix are only $61 n she didn’t get them but did everything under the sun for her ex’s. When I say these things she gets upset n says she hates when I compare or bring up her past bc she “regrets that it even happened” but idk. She also wants me to stop comparing n bringing them up bc she feels like how can we be together if we always talk about her past. I love her to death but I feel like she thinks her ex’s are better than me n it really bothers me especially her sleeping w them before me even tho I was there 1st. Am I in the wrong here or my feelings are valid? I’m not trying to sound like an asshole at all btw

My son started on whole milk at 12 months (before that he was formula fed and only had some breast milk the first few weeks) but since being on formula he has been constipated almost daily. We tried less milk like his doctor recommended and that didn’t help. Then we decided to try soy milk (silk original) and the constipation stopped. But I worry that it isn’t as good for him as whole milk could be and we’re also going to Mexico in August and we stay in a small town and I’m worried I won’t find the right soy milk. I tried a new whole milk this week and he’s been constipated again ( 8oz whole milk in the morning and between 6 and 8 ounces of soy milk at night). Has anyone had this problem with their child? Is it ok to just give soy milk? Could a lactose free milk be helpful? I appreciate any recommendations!

Ok so, my daughter is way over due for some kind of sleep training but I just don’t even know where to start:
Short Version: - She’s 13 Months - She is still in a playpen in our room overnight - She sleeps 7PM-5AM. She wakes up 2-3 times at night still. I give her a bottle of water and rub her back and she goes back down within a few minutes. - She takes two good naps during the day but ONLY in the car. Literally will not sleep in her crib or playpen. Total of 2-3 hours of naps. - My main goals are to get her in her own room, decrease the amount of nighttime wake ups and get her to sleep in her crib during naps. Without just letting her full cry it out.
Long Version: She has always been a really bad sleeper. I spent many many months trying to get her to sleep in her crib during naps (the curtains, the sound machine, you name it) but she would either just not nap at all and be miserable. Or, it would take two hours to get her down, just for her to sleep for 20 minutes. I work for myself and watch her at the same time, so it became completely unsustainable. That’s why I started the bad habit of the car naps. Every day I just throw her in the car, drive around the block for 5 minutes, she falls asleep and then I can sit in our driveway for a good chunk of time getting work done. But, obviously that can’t go on forever.
As far as being in our room, I just kept saying “when she starts waking up less throughout the night, we will move her. I can’t imagine having to get up and go into her room every time instead of just rolling over and rubbing her back for a minute”. But, obviously she is still waking up a ton so I don’t know what to do there.
Any advice on which of these issues to start with and how to approach it in a gentle, sustainable way would be super appreciated.

I'm seventeen turning eighteen this year , I was always with hope that things turn out good , because i thought so , but lately nothing is going correct , it seems like everything wants to hurt me , things that never happened to me starts happening , things that never affects me starts affecting . No matter how much i study i end up failing , but sometimes when i end up not studying i get good grades , but it only works like rarely, I work like a dog day and night on any test and i try my best right ? Atleast i should pass right , no instead i end up failing and my teachers who have no idea goes oh do u just sleep at home ? . My parents forget about my hard work tbh they have a lot going on you know ? its not like its thier fault they have thier own battles and they decided to do the best option that was put me in hostel , But boy did they fumble so bad , I had eating disorder prior to me joining our hostel is like very strict no phone nothin no tab and thier teaching sucks and they expect us to score marks , so i started stress eating and i gained like 30 kgs in a year and a half do you hear me ? 30 kgs like who could have predicted my downfall none could have .
but yeah long story cut short i failed all of them i failed me and everyone around me and you know i put my faith on god and i decided to be like a good girl , i used to be like a rebel but now i started having like faith , going to temples but still i got very low marks i let everyone down and btw i listened to subliminials too
nothing works out idk what i shall do
how can i seek god idk tbh

Sorry, this is a long read but I feel like I need to vent and maybe be judged for being an idiot. I will try to be as unbiased as possible as I know I'm at fault too.
So I (m30) and my ex (f26) met on Hinge and quickly started playing video games together (Destiny 2, and to this day it's still one of my best memories). We stayed up for so long just talking for hours; we hit it off instantly. This theme carried on until we met. I traveled to her (this will become a pattern), and when I tell you it was love at first sight, I mean it. I just could not stop smiling; she was so perfect in every way. As the relationship progressed, it only got stronger. She helped me open up (we both have broken pasts and trauma to go with it). She helped me become soft and as silly as it may seem, she helped me cry again. I have never felt so safe, secure, loved, seen, and heard by anyone. I truly looked up to her and appreciated her as a person, and I know she felt the same. She told me on many occasions how happy she was, how no one had ever been this good to her. She had a bad past with men, so I took that into consideration and even asked if it was OK to touch her and if she was comfortable during our intimate moments. We honestly were perfect and everyone could see how happy we were. Everything I liked, she liked. If I played a game, she got that game to join me (she even got a PS5 just to play with me). She was my little copycat; she even stole some of my jokes and sayings. We were inseparable; she was my best friend and future wife.
Fast forward to us moving in together about a year into our relationship. I moved everything; I left friends and family and packed everything up to be with her. Things were still amazing and healthy. We both have a child each, so that added to the mix, and honestly, they were a pain now and again, but I can safely say they loved having each other around... when they weren't bickering, and I loved them both. I took her child as my own and loved her; I still do.
We went through a lot together and I was always there to support her, and I think I did a good job of it too. I helped her through all her problems; I was always there to help and be a shoulder to cry on. She told me about her past and how every single one of her exes hurt her in some way from the r-word to abuse and cheating. I made sure I was nothing like them. I respected her in every way possible. I made sure I kissed her, told her how beautiful she was and how lucky I was to have her, how much I loved her. I hyped her up every chance I got. I made it my mission to make her feel confident again, and it worked. She finally saw what I did, but let's focus on the issues because every relationship has them. We both got sloppy. I have ADHD and she has her own personal issues, and we let the house get on top of us now and again. She definitely cleaned more than me and I never took the initiative, but when I cleaned, oh boy did I clean, and this was something we were working on and I honestly was getting better but I feel like she didn't see that. I was also struggling to find a job and I got more and more depressed, and in the last month of our relationship, I let myself go completely. I was in a hole and I just needed support, support like I always gave her. She started to argue more but I shut down when I feel like I'm being attacked (it's childhood trauma I'm working with a therapist now). I now see I could have handled it better, but at the same time I told her about this and at times she talked to me about it instead of fighting and it helped. I'm painting myself in a bad light here. She also had her problems, like she would nap a lot and I'd have to deal with the kids, or she would also shut down, especially when her PTSD kicked in. But I never minded. I knew who she was and I fully accepted her for it, and I understand people aren't perfect. But the love we had and the good times we created heavily outweighed the bad.
The night we broke up was the worst night of my life. The day started off so well. We were the amazing loving couple we always were. She and the 2 kids were play fighting and she was egging me on to join, so in a joking fashion I told her no and told my son to go beat her up for me. He took it too far and hit her too hard (he's only 5 at the time). She then out of nowhere hit me across the face and I didn't know what to do. I shut down. I calmly got the kids to bed and just shut down. She was begging and pleading for me to talk to her and I just ignored her like the child I am. The sweetest, most loving girl I've ever known and I ignored her. She left the house in the dark in her pyjamas and I couldn't stop her. I had this battle in my head that wouldn't let me.
She came back an hour later with no emotion. She wanted me and my son out. I tried and tried to talk to her but she wasn't there anymore. Everyone hated me and I couldn't understand why. I know I had a few issues but doesn't everyone? It was our first big fight and all of a sudden I'm manipulative and a narcissist. All I could do was apologize. It got to the point I was saying sorry for things that I didn't do. I was lost and confused. She kissed me before I left and that only made it worse. Me and my son were homeless and living on my mom's couch. I tried talking to her but she got nasty, started with the name calling and belittling, pointing out all my flaws. I didn't know what to do. I just kept apologizing and telling her I loved her and I'd be better. I was losing my mind. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and at one point I was to her. I couldn't understand how she could completely do a 180 and hate me to the core. I made all the mistakes. I begged, I pleaded, I even messaged her nan hoping she would understand and help me but it only made it all worse. I sent gifts, I tried reminding her of the good times... Like I said, all the mistakes. I became obsessive (since then I have done a lot of work with my therapist and I had a nervous breakdown due to my abandonment issues and anxiety). I even turned up at her house; granted I did message beforehand because I needed some documents for the next day but she never got the message.
Well, as I'm sure you can all guess what happened next. She rang the police and I was blocked on everything. I did stop messaging her eventually and only did when I needed to sort out my belongings(admittedly I did mess up now and again but no one is perfect), and at one point we talked on the phone. She told me she didn't know if she wanted to involve the police anymore (gave me false hope). We talked a little; turned out she needed some money so I sent her some. Then it was back to her being cold and evil... She made reports to child services (I've been cleared of them). She reported me for having firearms... They were airsoft guns :/ and she knows this. She's been talking about me behind my back and making me this monster that ruined her life when it was I that lost everything. Even one of her friends came forward and told me all the nasty things she's been saying and all my insecurities she's been mocking me about.
I got to a dark place. I had nothing. It was 3 weeks into the breakup and I snapped. It all got too much. I felt like I failed everyone and I had nothing left to live for. I tried taking my own life. The only person I told was my child's mum so she could come get him.
News got to my ex and she took it as an attack on her. She somehow made it about her. This only made her more vindictive, calling me a narcissist and manipulative yet again. This fucked me up more. For weeks all I could do was research narcissism. Even after my therapist said I wasn't a narcissist, I was still unsure.
I finally got a truck sorted to get my stuff from her, and there was a lot missing so I had to go into the house to sort it. I even made her laugh at some point (bad idea... made her hate me more somehow). But when I was leaving, she turned yet again (I now know it's because I was in front of the ring camera and she wanted me to react to her abuse to further paint me as the bad guy). She laughed in my face and called me pathetic for trying to end it... It destroyed me. She also said if she didn't hit me she would have hit my son, then called me a pussy for not hitting her back.
Do I deserve all this? I know I wasn't a perfect, I'm trying to at least better myself. I fucked up by bugging her for sure but is this level of revenge justified? She's ruined my life. My mental health has never been so bad. I don't feel like this is normal. But then again, I've never loved like this and definitely never felt a heartbreak like this. It's nearly been 3 months now and I still blame myself for everything. I feel like a monster. I've not bothered checking up on her and I'm trying my best to move on She still hates me and from what I heard and the smear campaign is still going strong.
I miss the sweet adorable good girl I used to have, I miss the funny out going person I used to be and I miss the family we had, I'd do anything to have that back but her actions are telling me it's never going to happen and maybe that's for the best I just wish I could stop crying everytime I think of her I wish I could fix this I wish I was better for her but I'm broken.
Will she allways hate me? Is this all my fault? And will this pain ever go because I'm struggling I don't know how much longer I can do this, the one woman I ever fully loved with all my heart hating me over a mistake is weighing heavy on me, maybe one day she will understand that it's not just her with mental health issues and I was only trying my best but I'm not holding out hope.
If you ever read this A Im truly do love you with everything I have and I know you must be hurting too, I'm sorry I did this to you, I'm sorry I couldn't be better, I let my trauma get the better off me and ill never forgive my self for losing the love of my life, I know I made you happy and hopefully in the future I'll get the chance to make you happy again.

Ok so, my daughter is way over due for some kind of sleep training but I just don’t even know where to start:
Short Version: - She’s 13 Months - She is still in a playpen in our room overnight - She sleeps 7PM-5AM. She wakes up 2-3 times at night still. I give her a bottle of water and rub her back and she goes back down within a few minutes. - She takes two good naps during the day but ONLY in the car. Literally will not sleep in her crib or playpen. Total of 2-3 hours of naps. - My main goals are to get her in her own room, decrease the amount of nighttime wake ups and get her to sleep in her crib during naps. Without just letting her full cry it out.
Long Version: She has always been a really bad sleeper. I spent many many months trying to get her to sleep in her crib during naps (the curtains, the sound machine, you name it) but she would either just not nap at all and be miserable. Or, it would take two hours to get her down, just for her to sleep for 20 minutes. I work for myself and watch her at the same time, so it became completely unsustainable. That’s why I started the bad habit of the car naps. Every day I just throw her in the car, drive around the block for 5 minutes, she falls asleep and then I can sit in our driveway for a good chunk of time getting work done. But, obviously that can’t go on forever.
As far as being in our room, I just kept saying “when she starts waking up less throughout the night, we will move her. I can’t imagine having to get up and go into her room every time instead of just rolling over and rubbing her back for a minute”. But, obviously she is still waking up a ton so I don’t know what to do there.
Any advice on which of these issues to start with and how to approach it in a gentle, sustainable way would be super appreciated.

I love these mechanics and these get a lot of flak from people who likely haven't played with or against them, so I'd like to try and change some people's minds about them.
A core tenet of Magic is that all of the cards are compatible with one another. Silver bordered cards are completely anathema to this concept and it's a good thing that Unfinity has some eternal format legal cards in it. What's the point of a set of cards that you can't play in any format? One of the best things to happen to Magic was changing Arabian Nights from having its own special card back to have the same card back as everything else so you could mix and match. They dodged a bullet there. Previous unsets had absolutely zero impact on the game beyond release weekend.
Lots of other Magic cards - especially new ones - are also silly. [[Phelia, Exuberant Shepherd]] for example. Often I sit down at a commander table and someone is playing a bunch of Universes Beyond meme cards and they'll groan about my Attractions. It's absurd.
The stickers can only be put on permanents you own. Someone can't forcibly gum up your sleeves with sticker residue.
You don't actually have to peel the stickers. I use matching pairs of colored bingo chips, one goes on the sticker sheet and the other gets tucked into the sleeve.
Stickers are a lot of fun. They're like normal +1/+1 or ability counters, but there is much greater variety in what they do, and they persist through public zones. They're like [[Skullbriar]] but cooler. They also make the start of games more exciting. I play [[Pin Collection]] in a deck, and when I roll good sticker sheets I'm excited to draw Pin Collection for the entire game.
Attractions are fun too. Rolling well is exciting, having an extra deck of cards is unique and interesting like a wish board or Lesson/Learn. At first die rolling in Magic seems offensive, but it's really no different than drawing from a randomized deck of cards. Why is one kind of randomness acceptable but the other isn't?

Sorry, this is a long read but I feel like I need to vent and maybe be judged for being an idiot. I will try to be as unbiased as possible as I know I'm at fault too.
So I (m30) and my ex (f26) met on Hinge and quickly started playing video games together (Destiny 2, and to this day it's still one of my best memories). We stayed up for so long just talking for hours; we hit it off instantly. This theme carried on until we met. I traveled to her (this will become a pattern), and when I tell you it was love at first sight, I mean it. I just could not stop smiling; she was so perfect in every way. As the relationship progressed, it only got stronger. She helped me open up (we both have broken pasts and trauma to go with it). She helped me become soft and as silly as it may seem, she helped me cry again. I have never felt so safe, secure, loved, seen, and heard by anyone. I truly looked up to her and appreciated her as a person, and I know she felt the same. She told me on many occasions how happy she was, how no one had ever been this good to her. She had a bad past with men, so I took that into consideration and even asked if it was OK to touch her and if she was comfortable during our intimate moments. We honestly were perfect and everyone could see how happy we were. Everything I liked, she liked. If I played a game, she got that game to join me (she even got a PS5 just to play with me). She was my little copycat; she even stole some of my jokes and sayings. We were inseparable; she was my best friend and future wife.
Fast forward to us moving in together about a year into our relationship. I moved everything; I left friends and family and packed everything up to be with her. Things were still amazing and healthy. We both have a child each, so that added to the mix, and honestly, they were a pain now and again, but I can safely say they loved having each other around... when they weren't bickering, and I loved them both. I took her child as my own and loved her; I still do.
We went through a lot together and I was always there to support her, and I think I did a good job of it too. I helped her through all her problems; I was always there to help and be a shoulder to cry on. She told me about her past and how every single one of her exes hurt her in some way from the r-word to abuse and cheating. I made sure I was nothing like them. I respected her in every way possible. I made sure I kissed her, told her how beautiful she was and how lucky I was to have her, how much I loved her. I hyped her up every chance I got. I made it my mission to make her feel confident again, and it worked. She finally saw what I did, but let's focus on the issues because every relationship has them. We both got sloppy. I have ADHD and she has her own personal issues, and we let the house get on top of us now and again. She definitely cleaned more than me and I never took the initiative, but when I cleaned, oh boy did I clean, and this was something we were working on and I honestly was getting better but I feel like she didn't see that. I was also struggling to find a job and I got more and more depressed, and in the last month of our relationship, I let myself go completely. I was in a hole and I just needed support, support like I always gave her. She started to argue more but I shut down when I feel like I'm being attacked (it's childhood trauma I'm working with a therapist now). I now see I could have handled it better, but at the same time I told her about this and at times she talked to me about it instead of fighting and it helped. I'm painting myself in a bad light here. She also had her problems, like she would nap a lot and I'd have to deal with the kids, or she would also shut down, especially when her PTSD kicked in. But I never minded. I knew who she was and I fully accepted her for it, and I understand people aren't perfect. But the love we had and the good times we created heavily outweighed the bad.
The night we broke up was the worst night of my life. The day started off so well. We were the amazing loving couple we always were. She and the 2 kids were play fighting and she was egging me on to join, so in a joking fashion I told her no and told my son to go beat her up for me. He took it too far and hit her too hard (he's only 5 at the time). She then out of nowhere hit me across the face and I didn't know what to do. I shut down. I calmly got the kids to bed and just shut down. She was begging and pleading for me to talk to her and I just ignored her like the child I am. The sweetest, most loving girl I've ever known and I ignored her. She left the house in the dark in her pyjamas and I couldn't stop her. I had this battle in my head that wouldn't let me.
She came back an hour later with no emotion. She wanted me and my son out. I tried and tried to talk to her but she wasn't there anymore. Everyone hated me and I couldn't understand why. I know I had a few issues but doesn't everyone? It was our first big fight and all of a sudden I'm manipulative and a narcissist. All I could do was apologize. It got to the point I was saying sorry for things that I didn't do. I was lost and confused. She kissed me before I left and that only made it worse. Me and my son were homeless and living on my mom's couch. I tried talking to her but she got nasty, started with the name calling and belittling, pointing out all my flaws. I didn't know what to do. I just kept apologizing and telling her I loved her and I'd be better. I was losing my mind. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and at one point I was to her. I couldn't understand how she could completely do a 180 and hate me to the core. I made all the mistakes. I begged, I pleaded, I even messaged her nan hoping she would understand and help me but it only made it all worse. I sent gifts, I tried reminding her of the good times... Like I said, all the mistakes. I became obsessive (since then I have done a lot of work with my therapist and I had a nervous breakdown due to my abandonment issues and anxiety). I even turned up at her house; granted I did message beforehand because I needed some documents for the next day but she never got the message.
Well, as I'm sure you can all guess what happened next. She rang the police and I was blocked on everything. I did stop messaging her eventually and only did when I needed to sort out my belongings(admittedly I did mess up now and again but no one is perfect), and at one point we talked on the phone. She told me she didn't know if she wanted to involve the police anymore (gave me false hope). We talked a little; turned out she needed some money so I sent her some. Then it was back to her being cold and evil... She made reports to child services (I've been cleared of them). She reported me for having firearms... They were airsoft guns :/ and she knows this. She's been talking about me behind my back and making me this monster that ruined her life when it was I that lost everything. Even one of her friends came forward and told me all the nasty things she's been saying and all my insecurities she's been mocking me about.
I got to a dark place. I had nothing. It was 3 weeks into the breakup and I snapped. It all got too much. I felt like I failed everyone and I had nothing left to live for. I tried taking my own life. The only person I told was my child's mum so she could come get him.
News got to my ex and she took it as an attack on her. She somehow made it about her. This only made her more vindictive, calling me a narcissist and manipulative yet again. This fucked me up more. For weeks all I could do was research narcissism. Even after my therapist said I wasn't a narcissist, I was still unsure.
I finally got a truck sorted to get my stuff from her, and there was a lot missing so I had to go into the house to sort it. I even made her laugh at some point (bad idea... made her hate me more somehow). But when I was leaving, she turned yet again (I now know it's because I was in front of the ring camera and she wanted me to react to her abuse to further paint me as the bad guy). She laughed in my face and called me pathetic for trying to end it... It destroyed me. She also said if she didn't hit me she would have hit my son, then called me a pussy for not hitting her back.
Do I deserve all this? I know I wasn't a perfect, I'm trying to at least better myself. I fucked up by bugging her for sure but is this level of revenge justified? She's ruined my life. My mental health has never been so bad. I don't feel like this is normal. But then again, I've never loved like this and definitely never felt a heartbreak like this. It's nearly been 3 months now and I still blame myself for everything. I feel like a monster. I've not bothered checking up on her and I'm trying my best to move on She still hates me and from what I heard and the smear campaign is still going strong.
I miss the sweet adorable good girl I used to have, I miss the funny out going person I used to be and I miss the family we had, I'd do anything to have that back but her actions are telling me it's never going to happen and maybe that's for the best I just wish I could stop crying everytime I think of her I wish I could fix this I wish I was better for her but I'm broken.
Will she allways hate me? Is this all my fault? And will this pain ever go because I'm struggling I don't know how much longer I can do this, the one woman I ever fully loved with all my heart hating me over a mistake is weighing heavy on me, maybe one day she will understand that it's not just her with mental health issues and I was only trying my best but I'm not holding out hope.
If you ever read this A Im truly do love you with everything I have and I know you must be hurting too, I'm sorry I did this to you, I'm sorry I couldn't be better, I let my trauma get the better off me and ill never forgive my self for losing the love of my life, I know I made you happy and hopefully in the future I'll get the chance to make you happy again.

Sorry, this is a long read but I feel like I need to vent and maybe be judged for being an idiot. I will try to be as unbiased as possible as I know I'm at fault too.
So I (m30) and my ex (f26) met on Hinge and quickly started playing video games together (Destiny 2, and to this day it's still one of my best memories). We stayed up for so long just talking for hours; we hit it off instantly. This theme carried on until we met. I traveled to her (this will become a pattern), and when I tell you it was love at first sight, I mean it. I just could not stop smiling; she was so perfect in every way. As the relationship progressed, it only got stronger. She helped me open up (we both have broken pasts and trauma to go with it). She helped me become soft and as silly as it may seem, she helped me cry again. I have never felt so safe, secure, loved, seen, and heard by anyone. I truly looked up to her and appreciated her as a person, and I know she felt the same. She told me on many occasions how happy she was, how no one had ever been this good to her. She had a bad past with men, so I took that into consideration and even asked if it was OK to touch her and if she was comfortable during our intimate moments. We honestly were perfect and everyone could see how happy we were. Everything I liked, she liked. If I played a game, she got that game to join me (she even got a PS5 just to play with me). She was my little copycat; she even stole some of my jokes and sayings. We were inseparable; she was my best friend and future wife.
Fast forward to us moving in together about a year into our relationship. I moved everything; I left friends and family and packed everything up to be with her. Things were still amazing and healthy. We both have a child each, so that added to the mix, and honestly, they were a pain now and again, but I can safely say they loved having each other around... when they weren't bickering, and I loved them both. I took her child as my own and loved her; I still do.
We went through a lot together and I was always there to support her, and I think I did a good job of it too. I helped her through all her problems; I was always there to help and be a shoulder to cry on. She told me about her past and how every single one of her exes hurt her in some way from the r-word to abuse and cheating. I made sure I was nothing like them. I respected her in every way possible. I made sure I kissed her, told her how beautiful she was and how lucky I was to have her, how much I loved her. I hyped her up every chance I got. I made it my mission to make her feel confident again, and it worked. She finally saw what I did, but let's focus on the issues because every relationship has them. We both got sloppy. I have ADHD and she has her own personal issues, and we let the house get on top of us now and again. She definitely cleaned more than me and I never took the initiative, but when I cleaned, oh boy did I clean, and this was something we were working on and I honestly was getting better but I feel like she didn't see that. I was also struggling to find a job and I got more and more depressed, and in the last month of our relationship, I let myself go completely. I was in a hole and I just needed support, support like I always gave her. She started to argue more but I shut down when I feel like I'm being attacked (it's childhood trauma I'm working with a therapist now). I now see I could have handled it better, but at the same time I told her about this and at times she talked to me about it instead of fighting and it helped. I'm painting myself in a bad light here. She also had her problems, like she would nap a lot and I'd have to deal with the kids, or she would also shut down, especially when her PTSD kicked in. But I never minded. I knew who she was and I fully accepted her for it, and I understand people aren't perfect. But the love we had and the good times we created heavily outweighed the bad.
The night we broke up was the worst night of my life. The day started off so well. We were the amazing loving couple we always were. She and the 2 kids were play fighting and she was egging me on to join, so in a joking fashion I told her no and told my son to go beat her up for me. He took it too far and hit her too hard (he's only 5 at the time). She then out of nowhere hit me across the face and I didn't know what to do. I shut down. I calmly got the kids to bed and just shut down. She was begging and pleading for me to talk to her and I just ignored her like the child I am. The sweetest, most loving girl I've ever known and I ignored her. She left the house in the dark in her pyjamas and I couldn't stop her. I had this battle in my head that wouldn't let me.
She came back an hour later with no emotion. She wanted me and my son out. I tried and tried to talk to her but she wasn't there anymore. Everyone hated me and I couldn't understand why. I know I had a few issues but doesn't everyone? It was our first big fight and all of a sudden I'm manipulative and a narcissist. All I could do was apologize. It got to the point I was saying sorry for things that I didn't do. I was lost and confused. She kissed me before I left and that only made it worse. Me and my son were homeless and living on my mom's couch. I tried talking to her but she got nasty, started with the name calling and belittling, pointing out all my flaws. I didn't know what to do. I just kept apologizing and telling her I loved her and I'd be better. I was losing my mind. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and at one point I was to her. I couldn't understand how she could completely do a 180 and hate me to the core. I made all the mistakes. I begged, I pleaded, I even messaged her nan hoping she would understand and help me but it only made it all worse. I sent gifts, I tried reminding her of the good times... Like I said, all the mistakes. I became obsessive (since then I have done a lot of work with my therapist and I had a nervous breakdown due to my abandonment issues and anxiety). I even turned up at her house; granted I did message beforehand because I needed some documents for the next day but she never got the message.
Well, as I'm sure you can all guess what happened next. She rang the police and I was blocked on everything. I did stop messaging her eventually and only did when I needed to sort out my belongings(admittedly I did mess up now and again but no one is perfect), and at one point we talked on the phone. She told me she didn't know if she wanted to involve the police anymore (gave me false hope). We talked a little; turned out she needed some money so I sent her some. Then it was back to her being cold and evil... She made reports to child services (I've been cleared of them). She reported me for having firearms... They were airsoft guns :/ and she knows this. She's been talking about me behind my back and making me this monster that ruined her life when it was I that lost everything. Even one of her friends came forward and told me all the nasty things she's been saying and all my insecurities she's been mocking me about.
I got to a dark place. I had nothing. It was 3 weeks into the breakup and I snapped. It all got too much. I felt like I failed everyone and I had nothing left to live for. I tried taking my own life. The only person I told was my child's mum so she could come get him.
News got to my ex and she took it as an attack on her. She somehow made it about her. This only made her more vindictive, calling me a narcissist and manipulative yet again. This fucked me up more. For weeks all I could do was research narcissism. Even after my therapist said I wasn't a narcissist, I was still unsure.
I finally got a truck sorted to get my stuff from her, and there was a lot missing so I had to go into the house to sort it. I even made her laugh at some point (bad idea... made her hate me more somehow). But when I was leaving, she turned yet again (I now know it's because I was in front of the ring camera and she wanted me to react to her abuse to further paint me as the bad guy). She laughed in my face and called me pathetic for trying to end it... It destroyed me. She also said if she didn't hit me she would have hit my son, then called me a pussy for not hitting her back.
Do I deserve all this? I know I wasn't a perfect, I'm trying to at least better myself. I fucked up by bugging her for sure but is this level of revenge justified? She's ruined my life. My mental health has never been so bad. I don't feel like this is normal. But then again, I've never loved like this and definitely never felt a heartbreak like this. It's nearly been 3 months now and I still blame myself for everything. I feel like a monster. I've not bothered checking up on her and I'm trying my best to move on She still hates me and from what I heard and the smear campaign is still going strong.
I miss the sweet adorable good girl I used to have, I miss the funny out going person I used to be and I miss the family we had, I'd do anything to have that back but her actions are telling me it's never going to happen and maybe that's for the best I just wish I could stop crying everytime I think of her I wish I could fix this I wish I was better for her but I'm broken.
Will she allways hate me? Is this all my fault? And will this pain ever go because I'm struggling I don't know how much longer I can do this, the one woman I ever fully loved with all my heart hating me over a mistake is weighing heavy on me, maybe one day she will understand that it's not just her with mental health issues and I was only trying my best but I'm not holding out hope.
If you ever read this A Im truly do love you with everything I have and I know you must be hurting too, I'm sorry I did this to you, I'm sorry I couldn't be better, I let my trauma get the better off me and ill never forgive my self for losing the love of my life, I know I made you happy and hopefully in the future I'll get the chance to make you happy again.

I've known I've had sleep apnea since 2010 when I was around 245 pounds. I first tried to get it treated with a mouth guard-type device (I forget the brand name) and I didn't like it. I then got a CPAP in 2018. Everything was working great and I felt a lot better and wasn't drifting off while driving or randomly during the day. Flash forward to March of 2023. I'm 345 pounds and my wife tells me she wants a divorce and is leaving the house in August. From June to October I lose 23 pounds to be 318 pounds without making any lifestyle changes (I'm guessing it's because she wasn't cooking for me anymore lol). This convinces me that it is possible to lose weight and I start taking my weight loss seriously from then on. On November 30th (when I was around 295 pounds), I remember waking up and feeling like I had a really dry mouth with my CPAP, which was odd because that's never happened before. Then, I would wake up an hour before my alarm was set for and even though I wanted to go back to sleep I couldn't (so I was getting 6-7 hours of sleep each night and some nights I would only get 3-4 hours of sleep). I also felt like my CPAP wasn't giving me enough air when I woke up. I also noticed that I couldn't get to sleep WITHOUT a CPAP anymore when before I lost weight I could. In addition, I also feel a sort of "flutter" in m chest area (which I think might actually be my throat but I'm not sure) that feels almost like I'm having an apnea (I've gotten this checked and my doctors say everything with my heart looks OK; even had a cardiac echo just to make sure). Also, I now need to take a melatonin in order to fall asleep. I was thinking my machine may have been malfunctioning so I was eligible for a new machine. I got a new CPAP (Resmed AirSense 10 Auto-the same one I was using before just a slightly different model) and it made no difference. In December and January, I felt more tired and I think my AHI was around 10. I'm not sure because I didn't really pay attention to it but I did get a mask fitting to try and relieve the issues from my supplier (I decided not to make any changes, though) In February and March, my AHI stabilized to a really good normal rate (average of around 3 AHI) and I contacted my doctor about the other sleeping issues and he said the CPAP was working great. I was just concerned because I was still waking up after 5-6 hours and not able to go back to sleep all the time (sometimes I was able to for an hour or two, which was good). In April, that's when things started to get messy again and is where my concern lies. Keep in mind that during this time I've been losing weight (around 10 pounds a month). I'm currently at around 238 pounds, which means I've lost over 100 pounds in less than a year (in June 2023 I was 341 pounds)! (I'm 5 foot 5 male by the way so I have a ways to go to get to a "healthy" weight).
In April, I noticed that in order to get a good fit, my mask had to be on pretty tight. So I scheduled another mask fitting with my supplier. They basically said to go with a mediumheadgear and mask. Which I tried but my AHI went way up with those. So I went back to the large mask and headgear. The next week, I was having higher than usual AHI (it was around 8-12 each night but then it got up to 20 at one point) and I was pretty tired. This made me appreciate the fact that I was getting good quality sleep, even if it was for 5-6 hours. My doctor then lowered my pressure from 12 to 8 which seemed to help a little (I can't change the pressure myself). However, now my problem is that sometimes I can't fall asleep because I'm jolted awake by apneas and my AHI is around a 10-13 sometimes. Once I can get a good fit with my mask, I can get to sleep and my AHI lowers to a normal range (from 3-5, sometimes lower if I'm lucky). Then, when I wake up after 5-6 hours and want to go back to sleep, I have trouble doing falling back to sleep because I get jolted awake by apneas. My AHI slowly rises the longer I try to go back to sleep and will go up (for example, today my AHI was 4.4 but I wanted to go back to sleep and in an hour it raised to 8.0-sometimes it's more and sometimes it's slightly less) but I feel like the AHI should be a lot more and it's not calculating it correctly. The frustrating part about all this is that I've contacted my doctor and he says that no adjustments are needed because my average is low enough from the 5 hours of good sleep (I even explained what was happening, too). I also feel like it might be beneficial to get another sleep study but if I keep losing weight (which I plan on doing) it might change anyway. I still have a slightly dry mouth from time to time but that has improved. The "flutter" still is going on and I'm not sure if that's related to CPAP. I'm not sure what to do. I almost regret losing the weight because now I have so much trouble sleeping but that's also my motivation to keep on losing more so I can fix it. Does anybody have any suggestions on what I should do?

Hi (I'm not English so please don't judge my bad orthography). For some context, The last time I saw this photography was In 2019 (I think,not sure),In an story writing competition. The goal was to write a story from a photography. The theme was paranormal and strange. There were two images options: in the first picture, you can see a bed with White Sheets, at night, and most importantly, two shining eyes next to the bed (I choosed this image and unfortunately, didn't win the competition 😭). I remember the 2nd picture well, it was An old man, standing up on a carpet ("moquette" in french), next to him is a table and most importantly, he holds a chair in his hands and tries to hit something under the carpeting. These two photography were in a really disturbing atmosphere, a bit like liminal images... I know that I maybe won't find answers to my questions but I really want to find these images, they were really good memories from the time I was in school. Sorry for the verry poor image describing but it's all I have. Thank you all for reading this message ! Have a great day 😌 ! Update : I've found the original text in some archives in my house !!! I'll try to share it with you in English because it's in french !!!