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2008.09.19 06:19 Tucson, Arizona
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2008.03.28 20:26 Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, Earth
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2024.05.15 11:58 cerabugz I made my ex choose between me and their best friend
I’m new-ish to reddit, but this has been weighing on me. All names are changed for the sake of the story. My ex (19) Sam and I (19f) started dating when we were juniors in highschool. I had gotten out of a horribly abusive relationship, and we were already close friends. Aside from friend group drama, our relationship was great. We were head over heels in love, and had plenty of mutual friends. Fast forward 1 year to the night before my 18th birthday. We heard about a house party and ended up going. They had invited their friend, Alex (20), to tag along. This wouldn’t have bothered me, but they invited them before they invited me, and only invited me when I practically asked to be invited. Later in the night, we all got pretty drunk. I’ll preface this by saying that Sam and I were in an open relationship sexually, but not romantically. Alex, Sam and I all ended up kissing. I befriended Alex. I then found out from someone else that Sam and Alex had been hooking up, which was not the agreement of our relationship. The agreement was that if either one of us wanted to sleep with someone, we should tell the other before the fact. I manage to move past this after a very long conversation about trust. A few months later, Alex ghosts me because I made a joke that made them uncomfortable. I tell them that I wished they would have told me, but understood, and I wouldn’t want to continue the friendship either if they were the type of person to drop someone without an explanation like that. That’s that. Still, Sam and Alex are hooking up. Eventually, I tell Sam that as their girlfriend I don’t feel comfortable with the fact that they are hooking up with Alex, who has made it very obvious that they don’t like me by actively talking shit about me. I tell them that, as a matter of fact, I don’t like that they’re still friends with them. Sam says they don’t have many friends, and that Alex is their best friend and the person that they trust the most in the world, with anything and everything. I’m convinced Alex has feelings for Sam, and a mutual friend of mine and Sam’s, and formerly Alex’s, even tells me that Alex has been raving about how Sam is the best sex of their life, and that Sam is so hot, and so perfect, and they’re being completely obsessive about Sam. I also bring this up. Nothing happens, and Sam and Alex remain friends, but stop hooking up. Then, one day I’m talking to Sam, and ask what they’re doing. They say they’re at home, but we had gotten Life360 for fun, and I remember seeing that they left home, so I check. Then I see that they’re at Planned Parenthood, right by my house. I ask, and they reveal that they’re taking Alex to an appointment. I ask why, and they say it’s personal. I tell them that that’s really suspicious. Sam is staying at Alex’s almost nightly, seeing them 4-6 times a week, and I only see them 1-3 times a week. Eventually, right before Valentine’s day, I tell them that I think they’re having an emotional affair, and I need them to treat me like they’re my partner, not Alex’s. After this fight, we break up mutually, and they say that nothing I say makes sense and I was entirely paranoid. We had attempted to stay friends, but currently are no contact. Am I the asshole?
submitted by cerabugz to AITAH [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 11:56 Ellie96S AITAH for not telling my girlfriend about the men I have had sex with?
Both my girlfriend and I are in our late-twenties. I'm male-to-female trans, bi and autistic. She is cis female, neurotypical and bi. We have been togheter for 3 years and are living togheter.
I grew up in a religious military family, my dad was emotionally absent or away on exercises or deplyoments. I went off the rails a bit once I discovered my first sense of freedom as 19 year old. Now I am just angry and ashamed over it.
When I moved out of my parents home I had a bit of a hoe phase, basically around 20 guys that I had sex with or did sexual stuff with. I realised that it was not good for me and stopped, I never kissed a girl until I met my girlfriend. I was very shy and not quite knowing what to do with her (autistic and mtf) so she guided me along. Because of my inexperience with women she always just assumed I was very inexperienced in general. We've had some talk about our dating experiences and I just said I had some bad experiences on grindtinder and left it at that. I was ashamed of what I had done and lied to her and said that I just met up with a couple of guys and either left after meeting them or that they pressured me into a blowjob or sex. That I deleted the app after. I did not really want to talk about this with her because I did not want to listen to her experiences either.
What basically happened is that in my country we had a 4 day weekend not too long ago and at one of the parties we had gone to, three guys that I had sex with where there and basically loudly started talking about me, my girlfriend got upset hearing them and started shouting at them before I just begged her to go home with me to sober up.
She's been distant with me after we had a talk over it. She asked me why I lied, all I could say was that I was ashamed for it. That those guys had used me and that they never cared about me as a person. On the other hand I feel angry at her, she has literally talked to me about how caring about body counts is stupid and misogynist, It's not like she has never done anything before me either. At first I was apologetic over me lying but when I told her about that she's been short with me since. I apologized later. Our friend group was originally hers and they've mostly taken her side. Some of them have been understanding, but are still telling me I fucked up. Which I know I have.
I'm clean and I got tested for up to a year after I quit grindtinder. I made a series of mistakes and once I realized that I quit, but now I've fucked up even harder with my gf.
submitted by Ellie96S to AITAH [link] [comments]
I grew up in a religious military family, my dad was emotionally absent or away on exercises or deplyoments. I went off the rails a bit once I discovered my first sense of freedom as 19 year old. Now I am just angry and ashamed over it.
When I moved out of my parents home I had a bit of a hoe phase, basically around 20 guys that I had sex with or did sexual stuff with. I realised that it was not good for me and stopped, I never kissed a girl until I met my girlfriend. I was very shy and not quite knowing what to do with her (autistic and mtf) so she guided me along. Because of my inexperience with women she always just assumed I was very inexperienced in general. We've had some talk about our dating experiences and I just said I had some bad experiences on grindtinder and left it at that. I was ashamed of what I had done and lied to her and said that I just met up with a couple of guys and either left after meeting them or that they pressured me into a blowjob or sex. That I deleted the app after. I did not really want to talk about this with her because I did not want to listen to her experiences either.
What basically happened is that in my country we had a 4 day weekend not too long ago and at one of the parties we had gone to, three guys that I had sex with where there and basically loudly started talking about me, my girlfriend got upset hearing them and started shouting at them before I just begged her to go home with me to sober up.
She's been distant with me after we had a talk over it. She asked me why I lied, all I could say was that I was ashamed for it. That those guys had used me and that they never cared about me as a person. On the other hand I feel angry at her, she has literally talked to me about how caring about body counts is stupid and misogynist, It's not like she has never done anything before me either. At first I was apologetic over me lying but when I told her about that she's been short with me since. I apologized later. Our friend group was originally hers and they've mostly taken her side. Some of them have been understanding, but are still telling me I fucked up. Which I know I have.
I'm clean and I got tested for up to a year after I quit grindtinder. I made a series of mistakes and once I realized that I quit, but now I've fucked up even harder with my gf.
2024.05.15 11:56 OnlyTip8790 Family friend had a kid and wants the kid to be weaned on a vegan diet
Just as the title says, this woman had a kid in 2023 and now said kid is starting to be weaned. I know this woman has been vegan for several years and her boyfriend became one too after some time. He's kind of a chill person, it took him a long time to ditch dairy and I'm not even sure if he makes some exceptions for dessert from time to time.
She on the other hand cannot even stand any byproducts in her home; once, after a dinner, someone left some eggs they had brought to cook something for a person with special exigencies (the food they had made wasn't suitable for that person because of allergies so we brought some more ingredients) and she was extremely triggered when she found them in the pantry, getting visibly angry at whomever had forgotten to take them away. She's this highly spiritual person (being half-Indian partly originated that, she was raised there half of her life by a vegetarian and both she and the parent went vegan later) and is really passionate about that. Now she has this wonderful child and she said that she's only feeding the little one vegan food after weaning. I also told her I stopped being a quasi-vegan (I used to be a vegetarian for a long time and ate as little dairy as possible, 2 eggs per week at most, before I found out that my body and mind were literally collapsing because of poor absorption of some nutrients) and she made a strange face. I mean, even I had decided that I'd feed my kid a regular diet or a vegetarian one at most, back then, before I started eating meat again. Regardless of whatever people may say, I wouldn't want to find out if you can keep a child safe on that diet by experimenting on my own. I always believed that forcing that diet on someone who's growing and needs so many nutrients is folly.
I know that telling her that doing that to her kid is harmful won't change anything so I did not even try, honestly, also because she'd tell me that I had made a similar dietary choice and hence I am incoherent not to respect hers. But I am worried on the other hand because her choice is no longer only hers when she has a kid to feed. The father seems chill with that and that worries me even more. As long as she keeps breastfeeding the kid, the body will probably collect whatever nutrient she's not getting through diet by eroding her own body, but when she does stop breastfeeding, that kid will have basically half the nutrients needed to grow healthily, not to mention the body may not absorb all of them properly.
submitted by OnlyTip8790 to AntiVegan [link] [comments]
She on the other hand cannot even stand any byproducts in her home; once, after a dinner, someone left some eggs they had brought to cook something for a person with special exigencies (the food they had made wasn't suitable for that person because of allergies so we brought some more ingredients) and she was extremely triggered when she found them in the pantry, getting visibly angry at whomever had forgotten to take them away. She's this highly spiritual person (being half-Indian partly originated that, she was raised there half of her life by a vegetarian and both she and the parent went vegan later) and is really passionate about that. Now she has this wonderful child and she said that she's only feeding the little one vegan food after weaning. I also told her I stopped being a quasi-vegan (I used to be a vegetarian for a long time and ate as little dairy as possible, 2 eggs per week at most, before I found out that my body and mind were literally collapsing because of poor absorption of some nutrients) and she made a strange face. I mean, even I had decided that I'd feed my kid a regular diet or a vegetarian one at most, back then, before I started eating meat again. Regardless of whatever people may say, I wouldn't want to find out if you can keep a child safe on that diet by experimenting on my own. I always believed that forcing that diet on someone who's growing and needs so many nutrients is folly.
I know that telling her that doing that to her kid is harmful won't change anything so I did not even try, honestly, also because she'd tell me that I had made a similar dietary choice and hence I am incoherent not to respect hers. But I am worried on the other hand because her choice is no longer only hers when she has a kid to feed. The father seems chill with that and that worries me even more. As long as she keeps breastfeeding the kid, the body will probably collect whatever nutrient she's not getting through diet by eroding her own body, but when she does stop breastfeeding, that kid will have basically half the nutrients needed to grow healthily, not to mention the body may not absorb all of them properly.
2024.05.15 11:54 5820k1055t7802060S Wealth Magick results.
How I got into wealth magick:
I was super desperate and trying to find a way to make money, I knew I had some internal blockages and this lead me to law of attraction work to change my self perception with affirmations, written and verbal, and simple loa rituals.
I noticed results but I wanted something more sophisticated so I discovered wealth magick from gom after already having used magical protection several months prior for spiritual protection and having great results. For example before MP I had seen shadow figures, and had horrible nightmares once I started magical protection and completed the sword banishing and genius spirits 33 day ritual I felt super comfortable, safe, and had no more nightmares or issues.
This gave me the total confidence to start wealth magick in fall of 2022 and complete every ritual by mid 2023.
When I started I was making 5 bucks on amazon mturk every day and driving for sub min wage for doordash.
I had no money, no real job, no investments or assets, thousands in debt, and basically no clothes besides old clothes and 1 pair of old shoes, the only thing I owned were my old computer, and 2005 sentra my parents bought me.
I was struggling severely.
Once I started wealth magick everything changed.
During the rituals I got not 1 but 2 jobs, and they both got yearly raises in pay and increased hours, and the jobs were both at home jobs that are super easy to do.
I started amassing gold as well just as one of the rituals has you visualizing gold raining around you,
I started investing, prior to this I was horrible with money, living paycheck to paycheck with doordashes meager earning and the mturk pay.
Now I was able to save with no issue, I was able to plan, I was able to delay gratification, infact investing was the gratification.
I then opened my brokerage and just started dumping in most of my pay every single month into the s&p index fund. This was slow and tedious but a good start.
Later after completing the book, literally a few days after the last ritual I got invited to a special program.
I was invited to amazon vine, this is a thing where amazon sends you free products to review, its full of everything you can find on amazon and you can pick 3 items every single day to request.
I suddenly had more clothes than Ive ever had before, more hats, more shoes, basically anything i desired that was under 100 bucks I could get in amazon vine. The neat part I figured out how to do my taxes so i dont have to pay a cent by filing as a product tester , making a corp in my name and writing everything off.
Now the final part, ive increased my confidence and knowledge in the stock market, I am trading high roi leveraged etfs and shares and stock options. I never dreamed of trading options let alone figuring out how they work and now i can realistically make several grand in a few minutes after doing some technical analysis of the stock/etf and the options chain. I have a skill were I can make money anywhere in the world.
I went from making 5 bucks a day on mturk doing surveys to 7k a day trading options on the same computer + free merch, my whole reality changed.
Get this book, it works.
Thank you GOM, thank you Angels of omnipotence and thank you Clauneck.
submitted by 5820k1055t7802060S to GalleryOfMagick [link] [comments]
I was super desperate and trying to find a way to make money, I knew I had some internal blockages and this lead me to law of attraction work to change my self perception with affirmations, written and verbal, and simple loa rituals.
I noticed results but I wanted something more sophisticated so I discovered wealth magick from gom after already having used magical protection several months prior for spiritual protection and having great results. For example before MP I had seen shadow figures, and had horrible nightmares once I started magical protection and completed the sword banishing and genius spirits 33 day ritual I felt super comfortable, safe, and had no more nightmares or issues.
This gave me the total confidence to start wealth magick in fall of 2022 and complete every ritual by mid 2023.
When I started I was making 5 bucks on amazon mturk every day and driving for sub min wage for doordash.
I had no money, no real job, no investments or assets, thousands in debt, and basically no clothes besides old clothes and 1 pair of old shoes, the only thing I owned were my old computer, and 2005 sentra my parents bought me.
I was struggling severely.
Once I started wealth magick everything changed.
During the rituals I got not 1 but 2 jobs, and they both got yearly raises in pay and increased hours, and the jobs were both at home jobs that are super easy to do.
I started amassing gold as well just as one of the rituals has you visualizing gold raining around you,
I started investing, prior to this I was horrible with money, living paycheck to paycheck with doordashes meager earning and the mturk pay.
Now I was able to save with no issue, I was able to plan, I was able to delay gratification, infact investing was the gratification.
I then opened my brokerage and just started dumping in most of my pay every single month into the s&p index fund. This was slow and tedious but a good start.
Later after completing the book, literally a few days after the last ritual I got invited to a special program.
I was invited to amazon vine, this is a thing where amazon sends you free products to review, its full of everything you can find on amazon and you can pick 3 items every single day to request.
I suddenly had more clothes than Ive ever had before, more hats, more shoes, basically anything i desired that was under 100 bucks I could get in amazon vine. The neat part I figured out how to do my taxes so i dont have to pay a cent by filing as a product tester , making a corp in my name and writing everything off.
Now the final part, ive increased my confidence and knowledge in the stock market, I am trading high roi leveraged etfs and shares and stock options. I never dreamed of trading options let alone figuring out how they work and now i can realistically make several grand in a few minutes after doing some technical analysis of the stock/etf and the options chain. I have a skill were I can make money anywhere in the world.
I went from making 5 bucks a day on mturk doing surveys to 7k a day trading options on the same computer + free merch, my whole reality changed.
Get this book, it works.
Thank you GOM, thank you Angels of omnipotence and thank you Clauneck.
2024.05.15 11:53 Ok-Primary-7495 My (16F) bf (17M) has told me he needs time and we're meeting today, but we haven't spoken in 3 days
Hi everyone, I need help. Perhaps I'm overreacting but I've spoke to a friend of mine and she agrees I haven't done anything wrong. So my bf and I have been together for 8 months. During this time there have been 2 of my guy friends (the only close ones I've had) that have started liking me romantically. I haven't lead them on and the moment I've discovered it, I basically have stopped talking to them.
First one, let's call him James (fake name), and I had know each other for little less than a month before I was told he liked me. I played dumb and of course told my bf, who didn't like it the slightest but understood that I still wanted to be friends with James. Still, now he's restricted in instagram to avoid drama, because even though I told him I had a bf and didn't want anything with me, he persisted. This was around November.
The second one, let's call him Mark, was just last week. I met him in a trip my sports club had, where the whole club went to the beach for a tournament. We had a bit of drama there that is not relevant to the case, but the thing is, he and I started talking (as friends!) because he helped us dealing with it since his friends were involved. We've been talking for a while now, but just as friends. On Monday, some of my teammates told me he likes me and it's quite obvious, but I really don't like him. I'm great with my bf, I really am.
The thing is that both times this has happened I didn't tell him directly and wanted to sort it out by myself so I don't hurt him. He noticed something was off with my and insisted until I told him. With James he took it better because he had already told me it could happen and I had dealed with it. I haven't spoken with James since December or so.
With Mark, however, he's taken it really badly. He told me it's the second time it has happened and he doesn't see any difference. He told me it would happen and I didn't believe him because I really thought I had finally found a male friend who didn't fall for me. It sounds so bad, I'm sorry, but I don't know how to phrase it.
My bf and I low-key ended up in bad terms on Monday because my teammates want me to go with Mark instead of my bf, I don't know why because they know my bf since he's from my sports club too. I told him it wasn't my fault and that I was sorry, that I'd change whatever but I didn't want to lose him. He just answered that he needed time to think and that he didn't know what to say.
I think he's insecure about me having guy friends because he knows they'll fall for me. My school is all-girls so I don't have that many guy friends, but the ones I've had that were a little bit close had indeed liked me. I don't know what to do because I don't want to lose my bf over something like this but I still want to have guy friends.
Right now he insists on meeting today as he had planned before all this mess. We haven't really spoken in 3 days and I don't know what to do. I love him and he loves me and he's not toxic at all. I haven't slept nor eaten since yesterday morning. If he doesn't dump me today, I don't want this to happen again. Please help, I don't know what I've done wrong or how to fix this, but I can't lose him
submitted by Ok-Primary-7495 to teenrelationships [link] [comments]
First one, let's call him James (fake name), and I had know each other for little less than a month before I was told he liked me. I played dumb and of course told my bf, who didn't like it the slightest but understood that I still wanted to be friends with James. Still, now he's restricted in instagram to avoid drama, because even though I told him I had a bf and didn't want anything with me, he persisted. This was around November.
The second one, let's call him Mark, was just last week. I met him in a trip my sports club had, where the whole club went to the beach for a tournament. We had a bit of drama there that is not relevant to the case, but the thing is, he and I started talking (as friends!) because he helped us dealing with it since his friends were involved. We've been talking for a while now, but just as friends. On Monday, some of my teammates told me he likes me and it's quite obvious, but I really don't like him. I'm great with my bf, I really am.
The thing is that both times this has happened I didn't tell him directly and wanted to sort it out by myself so I don't hurt him. He noticed something was off with my and insisted until I told him. With James he took it better because he had already told me it could happen and I had dealed with it. I haven't spoken with James since December or so.
With Mark, however, he's taken it really badly. He told me it's the second time it has happened and he doesn't see any difference. He told me it would happen and I didn't believe him because I really thought I had finally found a male friend who didn't fall for me. It sounds so bad, I'm sorry, but I don't know how to phrase it.
My bf and I low-key ended up in bad terms on Monday because my teammates want me to go with Mark instead of my bf, I don't know why because they know my bf since he's from my sports club too. I told him it wasn't my fault and that I was sorry, that I'd change whatever but I didn't want to lose him. He just answered that he needed time to think and that he didn't know what to say.
I think he's insecure about me having guy friends because he knows they'll fall for me. My school is all-girls so I don't have that many guy friends, but the ones I've had that were a little bit close had indeed liked me. I don't know what to do because I don't want to lose my bf over something like this but I still want to have guy friends.
Right now he insists on meeting today as he had planned before all this mess. We haven't really spoken in 3 days and I don't know what to do. I love him and he loves me and he's not toxic at all. I haven't slept nor eaten since yesterday morning. If he doesn't dump me today, I don't want this to happen again. Please help, I don't know what I've done wrong or how to fix this, but I can't lose him
2024.05.15 11:53 HappyHappy2024 Seeking Advice: Was I Wrong
My husband (42) and I (40) have been married for 25 years. We have had a rocky marriage from the beginning. He is a workaholic and emotionally and verbally abusive. We also have a 22 year old son, who is in college. About 2 years ago, I told him Id had enough of him not being "in the marriage" and never being home and barely paying attention to our son and the abuse. I also d believe there was infidelity as well. I told him to move out of our bedroom and that I wanted a divorce. After a six month separation, (not legally, we did it on our own), I chickened out and we both agreed that he needed to make some changes. He was around more and appeared to be changing. We tried marriage counseling (1 session). But he lied to the counselor and said we had a good relationship, so I was like that's not going to work. Over the past year he definatly has been trying, with some big slip ups but no one is perfect. My husband can be very passive aggressive and makes people "pay" if they piss them off by damaging property or withdrawing "favors" that he does for people. He has done it to me throughout the marriage for petty things, so when this incident happened it really triggered me and once again - he won. We have several pets, one of which is a cat. The cat is a real sweetheart but she tries to wake everyone up at 4am (when he leaves for work). So what I end up doing is waking up after my husband leaves and I put her in the guest bedroom for an hour so we can sleep until 5am. He saw me doing it one morning and said "I'll do that for you so you don't have to get up and you can sleep the extra hour". I told him that no it's ok, I'll do it and he insisted on doing that for me, so I relented. The other day, my son came home with his laundry (his washer is broken) and did his wash. He was exhausted from school and work/job and couldn't finish all his wash at once at it was late, so I offered to do it for him and he could pick it up later in the week.
I was speaking to my husband over the phone and mentioned that I did our son's wash for him, because he was tired, etc. I no longer do my husband's wash (as of 2 years ago) because I was being taken advantage of by him never being home, verbally abusive and he expected me to do everything for him, yet it was a one way street. I had a job, pets and when my son was younger, I was basically a single parent, Well, when I mentioned that I did my son's laundry and there was a pause on the phone and he was like "oh ok".
When the conversation was over, I said to myself, "I bet tomorrow morning, he won't bring the cat in the other room for me." I was right. Yesterday, he claimed that the he didn't see the cat when he got up, so this morning I saw that he literally walked right past him and left for work. I got out of bed and said, "you forgot to put the cat in the other room." and he was like "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm tired and I forgot." I told him that I saw you look at him and walk right by him. He kept saying he forgot, because he was tired. I called him on the way to work and told him "this is why I do everything by myself, because I can never depend on you for anything." He was like I can't believe you called me over this. I believe he did this on purpose, because he was angry that I did my son's laundry, yet I never do his any longer. Which is petty, but that's him. He has done things like this to his coworkers, bosses, and to me, etc.
tl;dr- I do feel bad for calling him and telling him that I can't count on him and that he INSISTED to help out with the cat, and then used it as a passive aggressive move, because he was mad about me doing my son's laundry but no longer do his. I never brought that part up about the laundry to him in this phone call, because I knew he would just deny it and would've been a huge argument. I believe he stopped helping out with our cat on purpose to prove a point, since he's had a history of this behavior before. I feel, I fell for it once again, and he got the reaction he wanted. Any advice would be appreciated.
submitted by HappyHappy2024 to marriageadvice [link] [comments]
I was speaking to my husband over the phone and mentioned that I did our son's wash for him, because he was tired, etc. I no longer do my husband's wash (as of 2 years ago) because I was being taken advantage of by him never being home, verbally abusive and he expected me to do everything for him, yet it was a one way street. I had a job, pets and when my son was younger, I was basically a single parent, Well, when I mentioned that I did my son's laundry and there was a pause on the phone and he was like "oh ok".
When the conversation was over, I said to myself, "I bet tomorrow morning, he won't bring the cat in the other room for me." I was right. Yesterday, he claimed that the he didn't see the cat when he got up, so this morning I saw that he literally walked right past him and left for work. I got out of bed and said, "you forgot to put the cat in the other room." and he was like "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm tired and I forgot." I told him that I saw you look at him and walk right by him. He kept saying he forgot, because he was tired. I called him on the way to work and told him "this is why I do everything by myself, because I can never depend on you for anything." He was like I can't believe you called me over this. I believe he did this on purpose, because he was angry that I did my son's laundry, yet I never do his any longer. Which is petty, but that's him. He has done things like this to his coworkers, bosses, and to me, etc.
tl;dr- I do feel bad for calling him and telling him that I can't count on him and that he INSISTED to help out with the cat, and then used it as a passive aggressive move, because he was mad about me doing my son's laundry but no longer do his. I never brought that part up about the laundry to him in this phone call, because I knew he would just deny it and would've been a huge argument. I believe he stopped helping out with our cat on purpose to prove a point, since he's had a history of this behavior before. I feel, I fell for it once again, and he got the reaction he wanted. Any advice would be appreciated.
2024.05.15 11:52 SubjectAlternative16 When OCD meets “the mental load?”
Hi all,
I was recently diagnosed with OCD at age 40 and am just beginning to learn about it. Not sure if this is possible, but I’m trying to determine what is a “real” problem by identifying non-OCD stress from stress that results from the condition.
One major issue is the mental load at home. I have only been married 3 years and know my issue impacts loads of folks who do not have OCD - even resulting in “walk away wife syndrome” so I’m trying to mentally separate the tasks that really matter from those that, to the average person, may seem unreasonable or due to my unrealistic standards.
I feel at least 90% responsible for: 1) cleaning and 2) home maintenance and improvement. Apparently I “see” way more things that need to be done. I also care WAY more about whether or not these things actually get done. Most of it genuinely does not bother him - things are quite good enough as-is.
I’ve discussed this with my spouse on multiple occasions and he has slightly improved with his contributions to cleaning, which is appreciated. On the negative side, he still doesn’t clean THAT much and doesn’t seem to even notice things like dirty windows, appliances, baseboards, shower curtains, dust, floors, etc.
On the home maintenance and improvement side of things , almost everything is up to me. Landscaping, pulling weeds, (except he mows) - basically anything that maintains or makes the yard look nice is on my plate. He doesn’t notice things like: 1) exterior trim is peeling (a lot) and needs painting, 2) the brush is extremely overgrown around the property, 3) the windows are dirty, 4)the front door know is broken, 5) one of our sinks needs replaced. I could go in and on, but you get the idea.
Improvements that we’ve discussed (adding a fence, home addition, etc) will never happen until I figure them out. He’s talked about a fence for 2 years.
It seems like the things I mention are just normal things that partners would expect and contribute to. I am so frustrated and disappointed about these things that I’m wondering if a divorce will ultimately be the answer.
I don’t mean for the post to be a rant! I wonder if anyone else in the community has dealt with similar issues and how they handled it. Do these expectations seem a bit high and I should chill TFO? I’ve talked to my spouse about this several times- even make lists- so I’m not hopeful that it will change meaningfully.
Thanks for your time and any feedback!
submitted by SubjectAlternative16 to OCD [link] [comments]
I was recently diagnosed with OCD at age 40 and am just beginning to learn about it. Not sure if this is possible, but I’m trying to determine what is a “real” problem by identifying non-OCD stress from stress that results from the condition.
One major issue is the mental load at home. I have only been married 3 years and know my issue impacts loads of folks who do not have OCD - even resulting in “walk away wife syndrome” so I’m trying to mentally separate the tasks that really matter from those that, to the average person, may seem unreasonable or due to my unrealistic standards.
I feel at least 90% responsible for: 1) cleaning and 2) home maintenance and improvement. Apparently I “see” way more things that need to be done. I also care WAY more about whether or not these things actually get done. Most of it genuinely does not bother him - things are quite good enough as-is.
I’ve discussed this with my spouse on multiple occasions and he has slightly improved with his contributions to cleaning, which is appreciated. On the negative side, he still doesn’t clean THAT much and doesn’t seem to even notice things like dirty windows, appliances, baseboards, shower curtains, dust, floors, etc.
On the home maintenance and improvement side of things , almost everything is up to me. Landscaping, pulling weeds, (except he mows) - basically anything that maintains or makes the yard look nice is on my plate. He doesn’t notice things like: 1) exterior trim is peeling (a lot) and needs painting, 2) the brush is extremely overgrown around the property, 3) the windows are dirty, 4)the front door know is broken, 5) one of our sinks needs replaced. I could go in and on, but you get the idea.
Improvements that we’ve discussed (adding a fence, home addition, etc) will never happen until I figure them out. He’s talked about a fence for 2 years.
It seems like the things I mention are just normal things that partners would expect and contribute to. I am so frustrated and disappointed about these things that I’m wondering if a divorce will ultimately be the answer.
I don’t mean for the post to be a rant! I wonder if anyone else in the community has dealt with similar issues and how they handled it. Do these expectations seem a bit high and I should chill TFO? I’ve talked to my spouse about this several times- even make lists- so I’m not hopeful that it will change meaningfully.
Thanks for your time and any feedback!
2024.05.15 11:50 Ubud_bamboo_ninja Lately aliens considered to be "multidimensional" and even "spiritual". There is whole branch of philosophy that studies that and give hints about what it means.
 | I believe stories are primal in this reality. First comes a story (dramaturgy) when something sets a goal and gets to it through time, detected by a side observer, than reality follows to create it in 3D. The real observer is out of this realm, it is a timeless and spaceless inter-dimensional entity that creates reality unfolding with entropy by a detecting a story. That can be a reality behind "aliens". submitted by Ubud_bamboo_ninja to aliens [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/bogehvb0ak0d1.png?width=1200&format=png&auto=webp&s=ff5a5a2aea7e616f841e7d26a58b98f0af72ada2 So every person and every other thing is a sort of app on a smartphone of reality that runs some set of goals for higher realms. That set of goals on progress of every moment, form a fate of your exact soul. Your personal Prediction of what can happen to you and world around in time is a godly touch that is creating reality through your consciousness in the name of that higher entities. There is a certain number of thoughts/stories you can feel and engage in, and they are determined from the step one of our computational universe. But you will never be able to calculate it with 100% to predict what happens during future turns. It’s only confirmed after you live through exact moment. It’s called theory of computational irreducibility, described by Stephen Wolfram. Simply speaking they (higher dimensional sources of dramaturgy) are running a Netflix shows here on Earth and this lump of matter produces millions of things worth their attention, not like that boring rocks flying around. Dramaturgical potential of Earth (Universal show rating) is very high! Fermi paradox in this case is just a limit that “Netflix” set on this computer making our simulation. Other consciousnesses run on other channels in different realities, using same calculating power of same computer. But worlds don't interact, not to have author rights violations. More of this kind of thoughts can be found in popular modern philosophical framework called “computational dramaturgy” you can read the book about its basics: “Physics of Important Things” |
2024.05.15 11:49 Throwaway227834 I’m the only one who feels like our marriage is falling apart
I hate myself and I feel like such a cliche. I (f)got married young (21) to my husband who is a couple years older. I think a few things led to me personally making this life choice. My parents had a messy divorce which left me estranged from my father and feeling forgotten about/replaced by my mother and I was Obsessed with starting my own family. I even thought I wanted to be a young mom at the time. So we got married young after 4 years of dating. I was also brought up religious and that combined with my mental illness made me cling to purity culture beyond a healthy amount even after I stopped being christian. My husband was my first kiss (at 18), first everything… you get it.
he’s known the whole time he’s been with me that it’s my life long dream to live in New York to pursue my dream career. he’s always been supportive and honestly he’s a great man. He’s honest and loving and so completely giving. Anyway, fast forward we’ve been married 2 years and living in New York for a year. my whole life and self has changed. Im realizing all the things I want to with my life, I’m making friends, I’m going places, on trips with my friends. My husband does nothing at all besides play video games with his friends that are back in our home town. It’s not even that he’s lazy because he’s really not. He does his part and more when it comes to chores he just isn’t taking care of HIMSELF. He never has to leave the couch because he works from home. So do I. So we are together at home all day. And I feel guilty building a life and living it. he hasnt tried making friends at all. Has no other hobbies. This man hasn’t left our tiny apartment for a year. I feel like his whole existence orbits around me and video games and it’s making me crazy. I’ve seen a difference in him from before we moved and he agreed with me he won’t stay happy long term. I’ve cried to him about this several times now but it’s just like he’s paralyzed or something. He’s not taking care of himself in any way. I feel like we’re holding each other back
i am trying to keep this short so I’m not going to go into every detail or other problems we have, like whether or not we’ll be compatible parents, but there’s one thing we all know changes and determines everything: sex. I’m just gonna give it to you straight. It’s not good. It took me forever to realize because I had nothing to compare it to. I used to think I was not a sexual person but it turns out I think he’s the one who isn’t. even today it’s been almost two weeks and he hasn’t even mentioned it. I have tried asking to try new things a couple times in the past but he’s not that receptive. I’ve been with him for 6 years total and I’ve never finished without … help. It gets to a point where when he finally does initiate I’ve already taken care of it myself or just don’t want to. And these days I just don’t feel attracted. The guilt is eating me alive. There’s nothing anyone can say that I don’t think worse of myself. Not even the most woman hating incel lol(boy would they love this story fml) I would never ever cheat but I feel like a teenager any Mild attraction I have towards anyone else spirals into endless fantasizing and it’s driving me literally crazy and again, makes me so guilty I want to die... I don’t know where to end this and its already pretty long so I guess I’ll leave it there for now. I feel Like the only person in the world with this problem. are these problems fixable? I’m left with a lot of moral questions which I guess aren’t allowed. What makes a marriage with big foundational problems salvageable? Am I being too selfish? I know certain things fade anyway but feeling like we’re already there in our early twenties is… so depressing.
tl;dr: got married young. same bs cliche problems you expect arose and I just found out youre supposed to actually really enjoy sex. And I want to. but I don’t. Not sure where to go from here
submitted by Throwaway227834 to Marriage [link] [comments]
he’s known the whole time he’s been with me that it’s my life long dream to live in New York to pursue my dream career. he’s always been supportive and honestly he’s a great man. He’s honest and loving and so completely giving. Anyway, fast forward we’ve been married 2 years and living in New York for a year. my whole life and self has changed. Im realizing all the things I want to with my life, I’m making friends, I’m going places, on trips with my friends. My husband does nothing at all besides play video games with his friends that are back in our home town. It’s not even that he’s lazy because he’s really not. He does his part and more when it comes to chores he just isn’t taking care of HIMSELF. He never has to leave the couch because he works from home. So do I. So we are together at home all day. And I feel guilty building a life and living it. he hasnt tried making friends at all. Has no other hobbies. This man hasn’t left our tiny apartment for a year. I feel like his whole existence orbits around me and video games and it’s making me crazy. I’ve seen a difference in him from before we moved and he agreed with me he won’t stay happy long term. I’ve cried to him about this several times now but it’s just like he’s paralyzed or something. He’s not taking care of himself in any way. I feel like we’re holding each other back
i am trying to keep this short so I’m not going to go into every detail or other problems we have, like whether or not we’ll be compatible parents, but there’s one thing we all know changes and determines everything: sex. I’m just gonna give it to you straight. It’s not good. It took me forever to realize because I had nothing to compare it to. I used to think I was not a sexual person but it turns out I think he’s the one who isn’t. even today it’s been almost two weeks and he hasn’t even mentioned it. I have tried asking to try new things a couple times in the past but he’s not that receptive. I’ve been with him for 6 years total and I’ve never finished without … help. It gets to a point where when he finally does initiate I’ve already taken care of it myself or just don’t want to. And these days I just don’t feel attracted. The guilt is eating me alive. There’s nothing anyone can say that I don’t think worse of myself. Not even the most woman hating incel lol(boy would they love this story fml) I would never ever cheat but I feel like a teenager any Mild attraction I have towards anyone else spirals into endless fantasizing and it’s driving me literally crazy and again, makes me so guilty I want to die... I don’t know where to end this and its already pretty long so I guess I’ll leave it there for now. I feel Like the only person in the world with this problem. are these problems fixable? I’m left with a lot of moral questions which I guess aren’t allowed. What makes a marriage with big foundational problems salvageable? Am I being too selfish? I know certain things fade anyway but feeling like we’re already there in our early twenties is… so depressing.
tl;dr: got married young. same bs cliche problems you expect arose and I just found out youre supposed to actually really enjoy sex. And I want to. but I don’t. Not sure where to go from here
2024.05.15 11:49 Pretend-Pangolin-394 Help me decide which cpu is better
Hi, I'm new to the subreddit and I wanted your opinion on something: I've wanted to build a pc for a while now (my first time btw) and I found all the components I want to buy, except for the cpu. You see, I have a couple of friends that are helping me and there are basically two schools of thought: i5-14500 or i7-13700f. Starting with the latter, they tell me that for now it's not necessary, but it will be as years go by and games become more demanding, while the others recommend the first one since it's cheaper and the number of cores is relatively close (14 vs 20 if I remember correctly). This is just reported speech, don't come at me if you disagree with anything my friends said lol. So, considering that I'm pairing this with a 4070 and it's for 2k gaming, which one should I get?
submitted by Pretend-Pangolin-394 to buildapc [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 11:47 AlternativeNeck5375 Rescue Pit Bull needs to go to a very specific type of home. I'm told I'm the perfect candidate to adopt, but I'm having reservations...
This is a long one, so if you want to jump straight to why I'm having reservations, see #3.
1. Rescue pittie's background
There's a 3-year-old pit bull mix I found that's been in foster care for over a year, let's call her baby girl. She has an unknown history, likely abandoned or maybe abused, and was brought in by a good samaritan. She was in a shelter, but quickly moved to a foster home because she "didn't do well" in the shelter (unsure of exactly what that means). She's been described as shy, anxious, and needing an adult-only home. I've been speaking with the foster mom for about 3 weeks, and she told me how hard it's been to find the perfect owner for baby girl.
Not only does baby girl need an adult-only home, but it's also preferred that she's the only animal in the house, so she can't go to a family with another dog or cat. That narrows down the list of potential owners to mainly young adults, who often live in apartment buildings that don't allow pit bulls, or with roommates who are afraid of pit bulls. Baby girl seems to be thriving in foster care right now but, unfortunately, the foster mom can't afford to keep her because she already has a dog.
Foster mom and I have had a few lengthy conversations now about baby girl's demeanor in foster care, and some of her known behavior issues. Baby girl doesn't like men and will usually growl at them if they come near. Foster mom didn't mention any violent incidents, but also that she can't definitively say whether or not baby girl is a biter since her history is still largely unknown. Baby girl can be dominant around other dogs, but thankfully has gotten along fine with foster mom's dog. Baby girl also resource guards, but no mention of snapping or aggression. Foster mom said overall, baby girl needs a lot of patience, positive reinforcement, consistency, and lots and lots of love to build trust.
2. Why I'm the best candidate
Here's where I come in. I'm single, live alone, have no pets, and my landlords are okay with a pitbull. So far, I'm only one whose come along expressing interest in baby girl and who meets all the foster mom's requirements. I'm not an experienced owner per se, nor have I fostered, but I've been the designated dog sitter for just about anyone I know with a dog for the past several years. I've also been around pit bulls my entire life, so I'm well aware of their reputation, and just how lethal they can be if they become violent and aren't trained properly.
As far as baby girl's behavior goes, I understand that "needing an adult-only home" means that she can't be around children, or really anyone who can't read and appropriately respond to her body language. I'm a young adult not planning to have kids ANY time soon, and none of my close friends have kids, so that's really no problem. My friends are also dog people, so I feel confident they wouldn't overstep baby girl's boundaries. If, god forbid, anything happened that would make baby girl feel threatened and react aggressively towards people, I do feel confident that I have the physical strength to restrain her.
I understand I need to put a lot of work into training and caring for baby girl. So, even though I'm in grad school, I thankfully get to work from home most days of the week. Summer also starts soon, so thankfully that'll give me a couple of months to acclimate her to the new home, establish a new routine, and build a trusting relationship. The foster mom has told me I'm exactly the kind of owner she's dreamed of for baby girl.
3. My reservations
Despite being trusted to watch my friends' dogs, I'm very inexperienced. As a first time owner, adopting an anxious rescue pit bull is a HUGE undertaking. I reached out to a dogtrainer to schedule a behavior consult and see about learning some training techniques, but upon learning about baby girl's history, the trainer HIGHLY recommended I go with another dog.
And, look.. I know this isn't going to be easy. I know it would be sooo much simpler for me to get a young, confident dog who would need practically no time to get settled. I also know that just because the right owner hasn't come along before me, doesn't mean one won't come along after me. But, the longer she is in foster care, the harder it's going to be to transition her to a new home. I might fit the criteria the foster mom is looking for in an owner, but I'm trying not to let that pressure me into making a potentially irresponsible decision.
I also live in an apartment, and baby girl right now is in a BIG house with a backyard that she can run around whenever she wants. I have a small patio that she might like to hang out on, but we'll for sure need to go on daily walks. Even still, will walks be enough? There's a dog park close to my apartment, but there's no way I can let her off leash to run around. At least, not until we develop a strong recall and definitely not until I can trust her around other dogs. Isn't that kind of unfair, that she might not get any chance to run free for weeks, or maybe months?
And then, in terms of the cost, I'm on a grad school salary, not exactly swimming in excess income. I've been considering rescuing a dog for quite a while and checked my budget to see if it would be possible. I know I can definitely afford food, treats, and grooming every so often. Also, the foster mom is going to give me all of baby girl's comforts like her bed, toys, favorite treats, etc., so that eliminates most up-front costs. She's also already spayed, chipped, and has her shots. But if something serious happens to her, I don't have thousands lying around to pay for a big vet bill. I have some savings and maybe could use a credit card, but it's such a scary thought that I might not be able to pay for the care she needs.
As much as I feel emotionally ready and willing to adopt baby girl, I'm terrified by the level of responsibility I'm going to take on by caring for another life. She's going to be with me for the next 7-10 years. I'll be graduating in just about 3 years, and then who knows what life will throw at me. Is a couple of years enough time to address her behavior issues? I just don't know. I'm scared, she's scared, we're both a couple of nervous nellies. She's been waiting for a home for so long, and damn, I really want to be the one to give it to her. But sometimes, caring isn't enough.
submitted by AlternativeNeck5375 to rescuedogs [link] [comments]
1. Rescue pittie's background
There's a 3-year-old pit bull mix I found that's been in foster care for over a year, let's call her baby girl. She has an unknown history, likely abandoned or maybe abused, and was brought in by a good samaritan. She was in a shelter, but quickly moved to a foster home because she "didn't do well" in the shelter (unsure of exactly what that means). She's been described as shy, anxious, and needing an adult-only home. I've been speaking with the foster mom for about 3 weeks, and she told me how hard it's been to find the perfect owner for baby girl.
Not only does baby girl need an adult-only home, but it's also preferred that she's the only animal in the house, so she can't go to a family with another dog or cat. That narrows down the list of potential owners to mainly young adults, who often live in apartment buildings that don't allow pit bulls, or with roommates who are afraid of pit bulls. Baby girl seems to be thriving in foster care right now but, unfortunately, the foster mom can't afford to keep her because she already has a dog.
Foster mom and I have had a few lengthy conversations now about baby girl's demeanor in foster care, and some of her known behavior issues. Baby girl doesn't like men and will usually growl at them if they come near. Foster mom didn't mention any violent incidents, but also that she can't definitively say whether or not baby girl is a biter since her history is still largely unknown. Baby girl can be dominant around other dogs, but thankfully has gotten along fine with foster mom's dog. Baby girl also resource guards, but no mention of snapping or aggression. Foster mom said overall, baby girl needs a lot of patience, positive reinforcement, consistency, and lots and lots of love to build trust.
2. Why I'm the best candidate
Here's where I come in. I'm single, live alone, have no pets, and my landlords are okay with a pitbull. So far, I'm only one whose come along expressing interest in baby girl and who meets all the foster mom's requirements. I'm not an experienced owner per se, nor have I fostered, but I've been the designated dog sitter for just about anyone I know with a dog for the past several years. I've also been around pit bulls my entire life, so I'm well aware of their reputation, and just how lethal they can be if they become violent and aren't trained properly.
As far as baby girl's behavior goes, I understand that "needing an adult-only home" means that she can't be around children, or really anyone who can't read and appropriately respond to her body language. I'm a young adult not planning to have kids ANY time soon, and none of my close friends have kids, so that's really no problem. My friends are also dog people, so I feel confident they wouldn't overstep baby girl's boundaries. If, god forbid, anything happened that would make baby girl feel threatened and react aggressively towards people, I do feel confident that I have the physical strength to restrain her.
I understand I need to put a lot of work into training and caring for baby girl. So, even though I'm in grad school, I thankfully get to work from home most days of the week. Summer also starts soon, so thankfully that'll give me a couple of months to acclimate her to the new home, establish a new routine, and build a trusting relationship. The foster mom has told me I'm exactly the kind of owner she's dreamed of for baby girl.
3. My reservations
Despite being trusted to watch my friends' dogs, I'm very inexperienced. As a first time owner, adopting an anxious rescue pit bull is a HUGE undertaking. I reached out to a dogtrainer to schedule a behavior consult and see about learning some training techniques, but upon learning about baby girl's history, the trainer HIGHLY recommended I go with another dog.
And, look.. I know this isn't going to be easy. I know it would be sooo much simpler for me to get a young, confident dog who would need practically no time to get settled. I also know that just because the right owner hasn't come along before me, doesn't mean one won't come along after me. But, the longer she is in foster care, the harder it's going to be to transition her to a new home. I might fit the criteria the foster mom is looking for in an owner, but I'm trying not to let that pressure me into making a potentially irresponsible decision.
I also live in an apartment, and baby girl right now is in a BIG house with a backyard that she can run around whenever she wants. I have a small patio that she might like to hang out on, but we'll for sure need to go on daily walks. Even still, will walks be enough? There's a dog park close to my apartment, but there's no way I can let her off leash to run around. At least, not until we develop a strong recall and definitely not until I can trust her around other dogs. Isn't that kind of unfair, that she might not get any chance to run free for weeks, or maybe months?
And then, in terms of the cost, I'm on a grad school salary, not exactly swimming in excess income. I've been considering rescuing a dog for quite a while and checked my budget to see if it would be possible. I know I can definitely afford food, treats, and grooming every so often. Also, the foster mom is going to give me all of baby girl's comforts like her bed, toys, favorite treats, etc., so that eliminates most up-front costs. She's also already spayed, chipped, and has her shots. But if something serious happens to her, I don't have thousands lying around to pay for a big vet bill. I have some savings and maybe could use a credit card, but it's such a scary thought that I might not be able to pay for the care she needs.
As much as I feel emotionally ready and willing to adopt baby girl, I'm terrified by the level of responsibility I'm going to take on by caring for another life. She's going to be with me for the next 7-10 years. I'll be graduating in just about 3 years, and then who knows what life will throw at me. Is a couple of years enough time to address her behavior issues? I just don't know. I'm scared, she's scared, we're both a couple of nervous nellies. She's been waiting for a home for so long, and damn, I really want to be the one to give it to her. But sometimes, caring isn't enough.
2024.05.15 11:47 murderhornet1965 Culvert Safety awareness
LATEST CONDITION REPORT FROM ASHER’S FATHER: — Just had rounds with doctor. He’s more stimulated today which has positives and negatives. Is having what looks like seizures, but neuro says they don’t register as seizures. Gave anti-seizure medicine to try and let him rest and calm those down. — While we’ve made some small progress, still not seeing what the doctors are hoping to change prognosis in any way — MRI hopefully later today to see if swelling is subsiding. — Specific prayer requests for gagging reflex and coughing to stimulus, increased breathing on his own, no seizures. — Doctor yesterday said he wouldn’t survive his injuries. Today’s message is we are giving his brain all the tools to progress, but we aren’t expecting recovery. In context, that sounds awful, compared to yesterday it’s a very minor step. —— CONTINUED THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS FOR THIS BOY. Asher Sullivan continues to fight for his life. He is the ten-year-old, 4th grade son of Rutherford County, TN Director of Schools Dr. Jimmy Sullivan. After the storms and heavy rain Wednesday Asher got caught in a storm drain and was swept under the neighborhood streets. He eventually came out in a drainage ditch and CPR was administered for quite some time. His heart beat was re-established, but the damage is substantial. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? A post was shared with me by the family where this occurred. They tell me: “I know many people don’t under stand how this happened and it truly was a tragic event.” Here is the description by those who witnessed it: —- Josh and I have had a lot of people reach out to us about the event that took place at my parents’ house during the storm. After the storm was over the whole neighborhood was outside assessing the damage to their homes. My parents yard has always been one of the hangout spot for all the boys in the neighborhood. All the boys started gathering in my parents yard and looking at how flooded it was. On the side of the house there is a big drain that goes under the road. There were a bunch of parents out and we had all told the boys to stay away from the ditch. Asher's shoe started floating away and naturally he went after it. My husband Josh saw this happening and immediately ran after Asher to stop him from going under water. Before Josh could get to Asher, Asher was under water. Josh dove into the ditch and grabbed Asher's arm, but the water started taking both of them away. Josh was able to grab on to the concrete part of the drain and pull himself up while still holding onto Asher. Josh was screaming for help and I ran over there to go help pull Josh out and slipped into the water. I was pulled out immediately. Josh still had a hold of Asher's arm but he eventually slipped away. Madden Moltz saw that Josh needed help and jumped in immediately too to help Josh but the water was too strong and started sucking Madden in. Josh was able to get Madden out safely. It took a couple of guys to pull Josh from the drain. When Josh got pulled from the drain he instantly ran with a bunch of other men to go find Asher to see if he had come up through the other drains. At this time all the paramedics and police have shown up and were all searching. They found Asher at the end of my parents neighborhood and started CPR immediately and were able to get a heart beat. Praise God. Josh came back to the front yard and dropped and immediately started crying and praying a long with so many others in the neighborhood. I just ask for anyone reading this post that you stop what you are doing and Pray for Asher and the Sullivan family. Pray for complete healing and peace over their family. Our God works big miracles. Please also pray for Josh and Madden that God brings them peace. —- AT LAST REPORT ASHER REMAINED IN VERY SERIOUS CONDITION.
submitted by murderhornet1965 to Post10 [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 11:47 adee2002 Girl I thought was interested in me (and I was interested in as well) turns out to be in a relationship with another girl. How do I deal with this?
For some context I (21m) met this girl in school (18f). Early on into the spring semester one of my friends introduced me to her. Right of the bat she said verbatim that I was “the most beautiful man” she had ever seen. I too showed interest in her as she was physically attractive.
The further I got to know her the more I was intrigued by her. As cliche as it sounds I found her beautiful, smart, and overall a genuinely great person. She’s an engineering major, we have similar interests, and she’s overall just a person I naturally get along with.
Fast forward a few weeks ago we go out to a bar and I was getting hit on by another girl. This visibly bothered her but I said nothing and moved on.
Fast forward a bit more to tonight and we go out again to a different bar with a few of our friends from school. This is where it gets strange. Late into the night (after I’ve been drinking a decent amount) She gets a call from another girl that goes to school with us (whom I’m familiar with) and they start talking as if they’re in a relationship. Things along the lines of “I’ll be home soon” and “are you mad at me?” Etc.
This struck me as strange as it seems as if she has been pursuing me and has mentioned nothing about a relationship. She then told me she had been dating said girl and that she is bi.
This may seem unfair, but I absolutely 1000% respect her decision and will remain her friend no matter what. However, this genuinely broke my heart a little as I thought we had something more than just a friendship going on.
Now I raise the question as to why she had been acting like more than a friend towards me and why she would even agree to go out with me all these times if she was in said relationship.
Yes this is vague. I left out a plethora of details but believe me I can read girls pretty well and I’m not being dumb. She 1000% seems like she’s into me. Even going as far as to post a photo of us out on her instagram.
How do I approach this and take it appropriately?
TL;DR: Girl I was pursuing who I supposedly thought was into me as well (after numerous nights out together and countless compliments towards me) turns out to have a girlfriend and claims to be bi. What do I do from here? I really liked her a lot and am in absolute awe. What is the most appropriate way to approach this situation?
submitted by adee2002 to AskMen [link] [comments]
The further I got to know her the more I was intrigued by her. As cliche as it sounds I found her beautiful, smart, and overall a genuinely great person. She’s an engineering major, we have similar interests, and she’s overall just a person I naturally get along with.
Fast forward a few weeks ago we go out to a bar and I was getting hit on by another girl. This visibly bothered her but I said nothing and moved on.
Fast forward a bit more to tonight and we go out again to a different bar with a few of our friends from school. This is where it gets strange. Late into the night (after I’ve been drinking a decent amount) She gets a call from another girl that goes to school with us (whom I’m familiar with) and they start talking as if they’re in a relationship. Things along the lines of “I’ll be home soon” and “are you mad at me?” Etc.
This struck me as strange as it seems as if she has been pursuing me and has mentioned nothing about a relationship. She then told me she had been dating said girl and that she is bi.
This may seem unfair, but I absolutely 1000% respect her decision and will remain her friend no matter what. However, this genuinely broke my heart a little as I thought we had something more than just a friendship going on.
Now I raise the question as to why she had been acting like more than a friend towards me and why she would even agree to go out with me all these times if she was in said relationship.
Yes this is vague. I left out a plethora of details but believe me I can read girls pretty well and I’m not being dumb. She 1000% seems like she’s into me. Even going as far as to post a photo of us out on her instagram.
How do I approach this and take it appropriately?
TL;DR: Girl I was pursuing who I supposedly thought was into me as well (after numerous nights out together and countless compliments towards me) turns out to have a girlfriend and claims to be bi. What do I do from here? I really liked her a lot and am in absolute awe. What is the most appropriate way to approach this situation?
2024.05.15 11:45 teehee546 Advice needed
Long read and a bit tmi but I would rlly appreciate some advice.
I've [20] been with my bf [22] for a year now. We both live away from home at uni. We've had a rough couple days after a drinking incident. We went out with friends and I ended up having too many to drink. When i started struggling to stand he took me back to his room to sleep it off. I woke up naked the next morning. I was initially just confused because i usually sleep fully clothed and didnt remember getting sick the night before. But im also a blanker and remember close to 0 after getting to the club. The sheets also kinda smelled like you know what so I started to overthink. He'd already left for class by then so i was alone. When he got back i asked him point blank if we'd had sex and being still hungover I admit I didn't approach/word it in the best way. It came off as accusing and i honestly wasnt even trying to do that. It's just that usually he's really methodical and careful when it comes to intimacy. He said nothing happened. I didn't press it too much and went to my own room. He'd never given me any reason to feel uncomfortable or unsafe before and even now I'm just confused I'm not necessarily angry, or with him alone atleast. But that evening he called me over and said he wanted to explain everything. He said he didn't want to tell me at first because i was "already paranoid and super panicky". But when we got back to the room that night apparently I asked him for it and when he said no and that i was too drunk, I basically begged. He said he'd kept asking me if this was okay and whether I wanted to keep going, to which I said yes. But when he actually put it in I cried saying it hurt and he stopped everything and we just went to sleep.
I guess Im feeling a bit numb right now. Me not remembering doesn't help, and it wouldnt be fair of me to put this all on him. I should've been more responsible. But I'm also just hurt by the fact that he didn't just tell me straight away. Like the idea that he might’ve never told me is eating at me. I've told him that it's fine, we can't change what's happened now but I lowkey can't shake it off. We were doing so well. It's only been like 3 days but right now our strategy has unintentionally become barely see/talk to each other. Do we need some sort of 3rd party profesh intervention? I'm also kind of scared to tell my friends or anyone really because they're going to jump to conclusions. Idk what to think at this point.
submitted by teehee546 to askgaybros [link] [comments]
I've [20] been with my bf [22] for a year now. We both live away from home at uni. We've had a rough couple days after a drinking incident. We went out with friends and I ended up having too many to drink. When i started struggling to stand he took me back to his room to sleep it off. I woke up naked the next morning. I was initially just confused because i usually sleep fully clothed and didnt remember getting sick the night before. But im also a blanker and remember close to 0 after getting to the club. The sheets also kinda smelled like you know what so I started to overthink. He'd already left for class by then so i was alone. When he got back i asked him point blank if we'd had sex and being still hungover I admit I didn't approach/word it in the best way. It came off as accusing and i honestly wasnt even trying to do that. It's just that usually he's really methodical and careful when it comes to intimacy. He said nothing happened. I didn't press it too much and went to my own room. He'd never given me any reason to feel uncomfortable or unsafe before and even now I'm just confused I'm not necessarily angry, or with him alone atleast. But that evening he called me over and said he wanted to explain everything. He said he didn't want to tell me at first because i was "already paranoid and super panicky". But when we got back to the room that night apparently I asked him for it and when he said no and that i was too drunk, I basically begged. He said he'd kept asking me if this was okay and whether I wanted to keep going, to which I said yes. But when he actually put it in I cried saying it hurt and he stopped everything and we just went to sleep.
I guess Im feeling a bit numb right now. Me not remembering doesn't help, and it wouldnt be fair of me to put this all on him. I should've been more responsible. But I'm also just hurt by the fact that he didn't just tell me straight away. Like the idea that he might’ve never told me is eating at me. I've told him that it's fine, we can't change what's happened now but I lowkey can't shake it off. We were doing so well. It's only been like 3 days but right now our strategy has unintentionally become barely see/talk to each other. Do we need some sort of 3rd party profesh intervention? I'm also kind of scared to tell my friends or anyone really because they're going to jump to conclusions. Idk what to think at this point.
2024.05.15 11:45 BigBallaBitty Reasonable to block? Thoughts?
I had quite the weird roommate experience. To preface, my situation wasn’t terrible, but did have a major impact on my mental health, academic performance, and socialization this past freshman year of college.
To start off, I met my roommate through a college bios page. What seemed great over the phone turned into a quick nightmare as soon as the end of august rolled around. The first day we were in a room together, you could feel the awkwardness and disconnect and it never went away, even at the end of the second semester. Basically my roommate became good friends with this girl down the hall, and started to treat me and the other girls roommate like garbage.
Long story short, I became friends with the other girls roommate who was in the same situation as me. There was a football game the one day and I was getting ready with my friend in my room, and my roommate was getting ready with my friend’s roommate in her room (2 doors apart). My friend went to grab something from her room and prompted me to get out in the hallway. Not even a foot out of the door, they are blowing us up in that room to some random chick. Mind you, they had NO reason to be talking about us. Their reasoning was that my friend and I came home late and made “too much noise while they were sleeping.” HELP ME NOW BC THEY WERENT EVEN SLEEPING, AS HER ROOMMATE WAS AT A PARTY THAT NIGHT AND I DIDNT EVEN SEE HER LMAO. As for my roommate, she was in her bed on her phone with the big light on. You weren’t sleeping. It was nearing 10pm on a Friday night.
I know this sounds ridiculous up to this point but it’s just hypocritical, because she would have her friend in my room or would be in my friend’s room all the time making noise. My roommate used to let her friend in early in the morning because we all had an early class together, and she would literally come and start socializing when i wasn’t even awake yet. Talk about disturbing someone’s sleep. Well anyway, this may have been wrong on my part as im being fully transparent here, but I muted her contact that day because my friend and I were about to go to the football game, and my roommate and her friend were going separately. I saw them in the lobby and glared at them when they smiled and waved because they had no clue ts I just heard them say. I partly muted her contact for the day so I didn’t have the urge to send her something nasty if Im gonna be honest. I had simply had enough of her.
Well come the next day, I’m laying in my bed feeling so alone. I wanted for the life of me to be able to be friends with my roommate, but after hearing what she said about me, it was pretty disheartening. I put a lot of work into our room. I was the only one who ever cleaned. I was the one to buy the fridge and microwave because she was out of state and I didn’t want her to have the hassle of transporting those things. I was just in a really bad headspace and missing home that I didn’t get out of bed that morning until late. Well, I start to hear fingers slamming the keypad. You don’t have to use the keypad unless you’re in a lock out situation. Here it comes…
This annihilation of a human being bursts into the room and goes, and I quote, Is there a reason you fing blocked me? (Because I wasn’t getting her calls as she was still muted). And I straight up said, yeah there actually is, I heard all the sht you said about me yesterday. The woman was too stunned to speak. But she spoke. “Still that isn’t a reason to not answer my calls. I’m not obligated to you. I swear if you touch any of my s**t, I’m gonna call the cops.”
Runs out and slams the door
Gave me no room to talk whatsoever. And what’s funny about the last part is that my roommate and her friend, while they were talking about us, did in fact touch my friends stuff as her closet was rummaged through, her shoes were messed with, her mirror was broken. Not to mention my stuff was starting to be out of place too. She was really just reflecting herself. She helped herself to all of my food, ate an ENTIRE box of chips my mom had gotten me to take to college. This chick was loaded with money too, there was no reason she was eating my food when I could barely get by.
There’s a lot of small things that happened after that. She apologized the same night but I never saw her the same after. What really burnt me was the fact I gave her a phone wallet for her student id and she never even put it on to this day. She had no reason to be locked out given the fact she wanted the wallet and never put it on. That’s entirely her fault. And up to that point, I’m honestly glad I had her contact muted. This was her karma.
Another comical karma story was when it was a Sunday or something, and I went to the library that day for 6 hours. That’s not terrible long for me for a weekend, but that day I was exhausted. I was heading back to my room when she texted me, “how much longer will you be out of the room?” because her boyfriend was there and she wanted time alone with him. He was also from out of state and would come see her. Mind you, at this point, they weren’t even in the room. They were at a sporting event. I’ve honestly had it up to this point because I would give them PLENTY of time alone all the time, whether they were on the phone together or in person. She never did the same for me, and my relationship is longer than hers.
I simply replied “well I just got back but I guess I can leave again” which was honestly kind of passive aggressive but like atp I was so fed up with her garbage. She had my location and purposely made it a big deal that I was going back to the room. I just grinded for 6 hours, and she never even told me her boyfriend was coming that day. On the way to the room she sprained her ankle and had to be taken to urgent care. Needless to say I got some sleep that day actually. But I walked into my room and her packages were thrown all over my desk, because my space was just hers i guess lmao.
Karma is real. Don’t be a terrible, inconsiderate roommate. Also here is a list of less explained occurrences that have happened throughout this unforgettable freshman year
-took multiple pictures of me while I slept
-she got so sick and coughed all over everything, blew nose loudly all night but complained when I got sick to my face
-bribed me with a stanley cup after threatening to call the cops on me for not answering her
-flooded our room with water from the bathroom when i wasn’t there and posted about it on her instagram story without even texting me about it (the water was mostly on my side and she tried blaming in on someone else)
-left old food in the fridge, the fridge that I bought (and im talking like months old food and drinks
-would call her bf for hours every day but not talk (he could just hear and see me and i wouldn’t even know he was on the phone)
-offered me to live with her next year and oddly enough backed out last second (we were on semi good terms at this point)
-would make me feel unwelcome in my own room
-would look at me weirdly if I came in during one of her day and night long phone calls with her bf
-would be loud asf while getting ready and then expected me to tip toe around her when I got ready
-posted a picture of me on her instagram complaining about having a roommate because she couldn’t cry over her chem grades with me in the room, when she never even left the room for me to do so when I experienced 2 deaths in the span of a few months
I’m sure communication on my end could have helped some, but it came to the point where it was pointless. I didn’t care for her at all. What burnt me is that she started being super nice to me the last two weeks of school which made it hard to just block her like i originally had planned. Would I look like a bad person for doing so, or is this completely validated with my experiences with her. I’ve never met someone so oddly unaware of themselves. It makes me cringe DEEPLY whenever I think about her and what I had to put up with. I also want to mention I did go to my RA and Res Director about this early on, so it’s not like I blatantly didn’t do anything about it.
submitted by BigBallaBitty to roommateproblems [link] [comments]
To start off, I met my roommate through a college bios page. What seemed great over the phone turned into a quick nightmare as soon as the end of august rolled around. The first day we were in a room together, you could feel the awkwardness and disconnect and it never went away, even at the end of the second semester. Basically my roommate became good friends with this girl down the hall, and started to treat me and the other girls roommate like garbage.
Long story short, I became friends with the other girls roommate who was in the same situation as me. There was a football game the one day and I was getting ready with my friend in my room, and my roommate was getting ready with my friend’s roommate in her room (2 doors apart). My friend went to grab something from her room and prompted me to get out in the hallway. Not even a foot out of the door, they are blowing us up in that room to some random chick. Mind you, they had NO reason to be talking about us. Their reasoning was that my friend and I came home late and made “too much noise while they were sleeping.” HELP ME NOW BC THEY WERENT EVEN SLEEPING, AS HER ROOMMATE WAS AT A PARTY THAT NIGHT AND I DIDNT EVEN SEE HER LMAO. As for my roommate, she was in her bed on her phone with the big light on. You weren’t sleeping. It was nearing 10pm on a Friday night.
I know this sounds ridiculous up to this point but it’s just hypocritical, because she would have her friend in my room or would be in my friend’s room all the time making noise. My roommate used to let her friend in early in the morning because we all had an early class together, and she would literally come and start socializing when i wasn’t even awake yet. Talk about disturbing someone’s sleep. Well anyway, this may have been wrong on my part as im being fully transparent here, but I muted her contact that day because my friend and I were about to go to the football game, and my roommate and her friend were going separately. I saw them in the lobby and glared at them when they smiled and waved because they had no clue ts I just heard them say. I partly muted her contact for the day so I didn’t have the urge to send her something nasty if Im gonna be honest. I had simply had enough of her.
Well come the next day, I’m laying in my bed feeling so alone. I wanted for the life of me to be able to be friends with my roommate, but after hearing what she said about me, it was pretty disheartening. I put a lot of work into our room. I was the only one who ever cleaned. I was the one to buy the fridge and microwave because she was out of state and I didn’t want her to have the hassle of transporting those things. I was just in a really bad headspace and missing home that I didn’t get out of bed that morning until late. Well, I start to hear fingers slamming the keypad. You don’t have to use the keypad unless you’re in a lock out situation. Here it comes…
This annihilation of a human being bursts into the room and goes, and I quote, Is there a reason you fing blocked me? (Because I wasn’t getting her calls as she was still muted). And I straight up said, yeah there actually is, I heard all the sht you said about me yesterday. The woman was too stunned to speak. But she spoke. “Still that isn’t a reason to not answer my calls. I’m not obligated to you. I swear if you touch any of my s**t, I’m gonna call the cops.”
Runs out and slams the door
Gave me no room to talk whatsoever. And what’s funny about the last part is that my roommate and her friend, while they were talking about us, did in fact touch my friends stuff as her closet was rummaged through, her shoes were messed with, her mirror was broken. Not to mention my stuff was starting to be out of place too. She was really just reflecting herself. She helped herself to all of my food, ate an ENTIRE box of chips my mom had gotten me to take to college. This chick was loaded with money too, there was no reason she was eating my food when I could barely get by.
There’s a lot of small things that happened after that. She apologized the same night but I never saw her the same after. What really burnt me was the fact I gave her a phone wallet for her student id and she never even put it on to this day. She had no reason to be locked out given the fact she wanted the wallet and never put it on. That’s entirely her fault. And up to that point, I’m honestly glad I had her contact muted. This was her karma.
Another comical karma story was when it was a Sunday or something, and I went to the library that day for 6 hours. That’s not terrible long for me for a weekend, but that day I was exhausted. I was heading back to my room when she texted me, “how much longer will you be out of the room?” because her boyfriend was there and she wanted time alone with him. He was also from out of state and would come see her. Mind you, at this point, they weren’t even in the room. They were at a sporting event. I’ve honestly had it up to this point because I would give them PLENTY of time alone all the time, whether they were on the phone together or in person. She never did the same for me, and my relationship is longer than hers.
I simply replied “well I just got back but I guess I can leave again” which was honestly kind of passive aggressive but like atp I was so fed up with her garbage. She had my location and purposely made it a big deal that I was going back to the room. I just grinded for 6 hours, and she never even told me her boyfriend was coming that day. On the way to the room she sprained her ankle and had to be taken to urgent care. Needless to say I got some sleep that day actually. But I walked into my room and her packages were thrown all over my desk, because my space was just hers i guess lmao.
Karma is real. Don’t be a terrible, inconsiderate roommate. Also here is a list of less explained occurrences that have happened throughout this unforgettable freshman year
-took multiple pictures of me while I slept
-she got so sick and coughed all over everything, blew nose loudly all night but complained when I got sick to my face
-bribed me with a stanley cup after threatening to call the cops on me for not answering her
-flooded our room with water from the bathroom when i wasn’t there and posted about it on her instagram story without even texting me about it (the water was mostly on my side and she tried blaming in on someone else)
-left old food in the fridge, the fridge that I bought (and im talking like months old food and drinks
-would call her bf for hours every day but not talk (he could just hear and see me and i wouldn’t even know he was on the phone)
-offered me to live with her next year and oddly enough backed out last second (we were on semi good terms at this point)
-would make me feel unwelcome in my own room
-would look at me weirdly if I came in during one of her day and night long phone calls with her bf
-would be loud asf while getting ready and then expected me to tip toe around her when I got ready
-posted a picture of me on her instagram complaining about having a roommate because she couldn’t cry over her chem grades with me in the room, when she never even left the room for me to do so when I experienced 2 deaths in the span of a few months
I’m sure communication on my end could have helped some, but it came to the point where it was pointless. I didn’t care for her at all. What burnt me is that she started being super nice to me the last two weeks of school which made it hard to just block her like i originally had planned. Would I look like a bad person for doing so, or is this completely validated with my experiences with her. I’ve never met someone so oddly unaware of themselves. It makes me cringe DEEPLY whenever I think about her and what I had to put up with. I also want to mention I did go to my RA and Res Director about this early on, so it’s not like I blatantly didn’t do anything about it.
2024.05.15 11:44 Klutzy-Internet7919 Am I crazy to think my boyfriend (m22) is hiding something from me (f22)?
For context, we have been dating for a little over a year. I have had boyfriends and partners in the past and I am my boyfriends first. Also my past is extensive to say the least. We had an issue that continues to grow where my past is always apart of our arguments which is why I think it plays into what I am feeling currently. About 7 months ago I found a reddit account of his that was full of porn accounts of various things, mainly of femme men. I still remember a post that had a femme man on top of another man and caption read “i wish this was me”. When I asked him he broke down and was completely embarrassed, saying he is bored of normal porn. I have personally never liked porn and see it as something that isn’t beneficial, looking at other people and fantasizing of others when in a committed relationship seems very wrong to me. I expressed this feeling and boundary to him and he then proceeded to unfollow people on instagram, tiktok and from what I knew delete his reddit account. But 2 weeks ago I found another reddit account created a week after we just had our fight. From which he said that “he couldn’t delete it because he forgot the email linked to it”. Which I don’t know if that is true because when he goes on reddit normally that account isn’t on it which means he logs into it when he wants to use it. My main issue is why would he say he deleted the original porn account and create another one and say he deleted it. On the account I just found he also had a draft reddit post but to sum that post up it was basically how he can never get over my past and he doesn’t know if he can marry me (he is also Muslim which I also think this plays a part in it, he’s not a traditional muslim hence our relationship but his family is very religious).
This whole new fight happened when we were both drunk, I ended up leaving his place because it was getting nowhere, we just kinda never resolved it and are acting like it is completely normal. It eats me alive every day because he is leaving to go back home for the summer and then off to grad school in another state. I don’t know where to go with this, I love him. Every fight I have it always ends up with me asking can you ever get over my past and he always answers I don’t know if you never had a past you’d be the perfect girl. So I don’t know if I’m just going crazy over nothing or if he is hiding his true feelings and i don’t know if i should just get over the whole porn thing or what. I just feel defeated because I love him and feel as though i’m heading towards a wall.
TL;DR! - I think my boyfriend is hiding something from me based on his porn habits and a draft post I found on his secret porn account stating that he didn’t know if he could marry me because of my past.
submitted by Klutzy-Internet7919 to relationships [link] [comments]
This whole new fight happened when we were both drunk, I ended up leaving his place because it was getting nowhere, we just kinda never resolved it and are acting like it is completely normal. It eats me alive every day because he is leaving to go back home for the summer and then off to grad school in another state. I don’t know where to go with this, I love him. Every fight I have it always ends up with me asking can you ever get over my past and he always answers I don’t know if you never had a past you’d be the perfect girl. So I don’t know if I’m just going crazy over nothing or if he is hiding his true feelings and i don’t know if i should just get over the whole porn thing or what. I just feel defeated because I love him and feel as though i’m heading towards a wall.
TL;DR! - I think my boyfriend is hiding something from me based on his porn habits and a draft post I found on his secret porn account stating that he didn’t know if he could marry me because of my past.
2024.05.15 11:42 Kindly-Cat-2507 My boyfriend of 5 years wants to break up with me out of the blue
My boyfriend (M35) and I (F30) have been together for 5 years. He has a daugther who is 8 years old and she is like my own - I love her very much and she loves me, we have a great friendship. When my boyfriend and I started dating, the mother of his child wasn't very happy about this and tried everything to break us up. My boyfriend at that time was overattached to this woman and did everything she said (he still does sometimes, but it has become so much better over time). She accused me of hurting the child physically (just because she was afraid of it, nothing like this ever happened), she shouted at me for taking the father away from the child by just being in their lives, she told my boyfriend when and where he can spend time with me and when he has to be with his daugther etc. We managed to keep our relationship and he has developed boundaries with his ex. However, this has caused us a lot of drama, damage and fights over the period of time that we have been together - mostly because of my jealousy, fear, insecurity and a feeling that I am not as important as the mother of his child. However, I have always taken care of my boyfriend and his child - they are the world to me. I pay the full rent of our apartment that we bought together, I also buy clothes and toys for his daughter (when she is with us - approximately 10 days in a month) and food. I have tried to be the best girlfriend even though I have had several setbacks - I am not an angel and I have my bad days and my insecurities. We have travelled a lot together - to Peru, Laos, USA, half of Europe etc. We talk a lot and share our problems and success. He is my best friend.
A few years ago I had a surgery on my stomach and didn't know that the baby pills do not have effect after this kind of surgery - I got pregnant. He told me that when his daugther was born he had a lot of problems and fights with his ex, because she cancelled the baby pills without telling him and got pregnant. He told me that because of that he he is not ready for another child right now and he wanted me to do an abortion. I was afraid of ending up alone with a child and I wasn't in a good place back then so I did it - the biggest mistake of my life that I deeply regret. This, also, has been a source of tension between us.
I have noticed some changes in our relationship for some time now. A month ago we had an argument over trivial things and he told me out of the blue that he wants to break up. I asked him for some time and to discuss it again when we are both calm. We did it couple of days later and decided to give each other a second chance - he told me that he needed to do some things alone without me (like riding a bike or going out with friends) and I acknowledged that. Everyone needs space. Two days ago I found out from his daughter that my boyfriend took flowers and cake for his ex (the mother of his child) for Mother's Day and I confronted him. The woman has caused so much unnecessary damage in our relationship and it hurt me. He has brought me flowers twice during our relationship and it seemed weird. He got pissed and then told me that he has thought about breaking up for two-three weeks now and wants to do it. It shocked me because I had tried to give him space, but at the same time to help him with his daughter and things at home. During those weeks, he had told me that everything is fine and assured me that I had nothing to worry about. I am devastated.
When I ask him questions he keeps responding me with three different answers every time and it confuses me. At one point he tells me that he is like 80% sure that he wants to break up with me, then again, 5 minutes later he is telling me that he will pack his things tomorrow, then he says that he wants to come and celebrate my father's birthday next day because he likes my family (even though he just said that he wanted to leave me)... I am so confused. We decided to take a break and agreed to talk about our relationship and what is going to happen in 4 days - he still keeps saying that he has made up his mind though. I am losing my mind and I am just in a shock. He is so calm and he seems like he does not care at all that he is going to lose me - I told him that I am not able to be friends with him right away because I still love him as my man. I don't know what to do. I am just so sad and feel like there is a big hole in my heart.
Thank you for reading and I will appreciate all your answers. I have never posted on any sites but I felt that I needed to get this off my chest. Thank you.
submitted by Kindly-Cat-2507 to BreakUps [link] [comments]
A few years ago I had a surgery on my stomach and didn't know that the baby pills do not have effect after this kind of surgery - I got pregnant. He told me that when his daugther was born he had a lot of problems and fights with his ex, because she cancelled the baby pills without telling him and got pregnant. He told me that because of that he he is not ready for another child right now and he wanted me to do an abortion. I was afraid of ending up alone with a child and I wasn't in a good place back then so I did it - the biggest mistake of my life that I deeply regret. This, also, has been a source of tension between us.
I have noticed some changes in our relationship for some time now. A month ago we had an argument over trivial things and he told me out of the blue that he wants to break up. I asked him for some time and to discuss it again when we are both calm. We did it couple of days later and decided to give each other a second chance - he told me that he needed to do some things alone without me (like riding a bike or going out with friends) and I acknowledged that. Everyone needs space. Two days ago I found out from his daughter that my boyfriend took flowers and cake for his ex (the mother of his child) for Mother's Day and I confronted him. The woman has caused so much unnecessary damage in our relationship and it hurt me. He has brought me flowers twice during our relationship and it seemed weird. He got pissed and then told me that he has thought about breaking up for two-three weeks now and wants to do it. It shocked me because I had tried to give him space, but at the same time to help him with his daughter and things at home. During those weeks, he had told me that everything is fine and assured me that I had nothing to worry about. I am devastated.
When I ask him questions he keeps responding me with three different answers every time and it confuses me. At one point he tells me that he is like 80% sure that he wants to break up with me, then again, 5 minutes later he is telling me that he will pack his things tomorrow, then he says that he wants to come and celebrate my father's birthday next day because he likes my family (even though he just said that he wanted to leave me)... I am so confused. We decided to take a break and agreed to talk about our relationship and what is going to happen in 4 days - he still keeps saying that he has made up his mind though. I am losing my mind and I am just in a shock. He is so calm and he seems like he does not care at all that he is going to lose me - I told him that I am not able to be friends with him right away because I still love him as my man. I don't know what to do. I am just so sad and feel like there is a big hole in my heart.
Thank you for reading and I will appreciate all your answers. I have never posted on any sites but I felt that I needed to get this off my chest. Thank you.
2024.05.15 11:42 Peace4Flow Should I stay or should I go?
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We are in our mid-thirties. Neither of us are interested in marriage or having children at this time. He lives with me in the home that I purchased. We are lacking passion and connection - we have sex, on average, once per month (sometimes less) and it's fine, not amazing. We struggle to connect emotionally and we rarely have deep/intellectual conversations, which I crave.
He spends a couple months of the year very busy at work and we are disconnected during that time. The other part of the year he tends to get lazy and works bare minimum which is a turn off for me. He has admitted that he has dealt with some depression which I empathize with. He watches a lot of TV, eats poorly. Golfs and drinks heavily a few days of the week (ebbs and flows - recently has improved). He struggles financially in the off-work months but we manage to take a nice trip or 2 per year and have a good time when on vacation. When he is in "adventure mode" things are great. All that said, he is a very good hearted person, we never fight, he gets along well with my family, and he makes me feel safe. He treats me well. He does have many positive attributes.
There is a small voice in the back of my mind that expects us to break up eventually. I don't feel ready and I don't know if that would be a mistake. I spent all of my twenties being single and saw how hard it was to find a good guy and a good match. I am afraid to let someone good go. Also, financially, I would be burdened if I asked him to move out of my house which is another big piece of the puzzle. I do currently pay two thirds of the mortgage as I make more money than he does.
Does anyone have any advice? Have you found yourself in a similar situation and how do you feel on the other side of it? Thanks for listening!
submitted by Peace4Flow to AskWomenOver30 [link] [comments]
He spends a couple months of the year very busy at work and we are disconnected during that time. The other part of the year he tends to get lazy and works bare minimum which is a turn off for me. He has admitted that he has dealt with some depression which I empathize with. He watches a lot of TV, eats poorly. Golfs and drinks heavily a few days of the week (ebbs and flows - recently has improved). He struggles financially in the off-work months but we manage to take a nice trip or 2 per year and have a good time when on vacation. When he is in "adventure mode" things are great. All that said, he is a very good hearted person, we never fight, he gets along well with my family, and he makes me feel safe. He treats me well. He does have many positive attributes.
There is a small voice in the back of my mind that expects us to break up eventually. I don't feel ready and I don't know if that would be a mistake. I spent all of my twenties being single and saw how hard it was to find a good guy and a good match. I am afraid to let someone good go. Also, financially, I would be burdened if I asked him to move out of my house which is another big piece of the puzzle. I do currently pay two thirds of the mortgage as I make more money than he does.
Does anyone have any advice? Have you found yourself in a similar situation and how do you feel on the other side of it? Thanks for listening!
2024.05.15 11:41 Sweet-Count2557 Best Restaurants in Olympia Wa
 | Best Restaurants in Olympia Wa We've done the legwork to bring you the best restaurants in Olympia, WA. With a vibrant food scene that caters to all tastes, you won't be disappointed.From fresh oysters to wood-fired pizzas and mouthwatering Mexican cuisine, Olympia has it all.Our team personally visited each establishment, evaluating taste, variety, service, atmosphere, affordability, and accessibility.Join us as we explore the top-rated eateries that have captured the hearts and palates of locals and visitors alike.Get ready for a gastronomic journey through Olympia's finest dining experiences.Key TakeawaysGardners Restaurant offers a cozy and intimate ambiance with locally sourced ingredients, but has limited vegetarian/vegan options and higher prices.Basilico is a high-end Italian restaurant known for its authentic cuisine and extensive wine selection, but has limited seating capacity and parking.Anthonys Homeport Olympia provides stunning waterfront views and fresh seafood options, but may have potential crowds and higher prices.Cascadia Grill is a family-friendly Northwest brasserie restaurant known for its amazing flavors, local beers, and affordable prices.Fine Dining Experiences in OlympiaWhen it comes to fine dining experiences in Olympia, we've plenty of options to choose from. Whether you're looking for romantic date spots or farm-to-table experiences, this vibrant city has it all.One of the top choices for a romantic evening is Gardners Restaurant. Founded in 1983, this seafood-centric eatery offers a cozy and intimate ambiance, perfect for a special night out. What sets Gardners apart is their commitment to using locally sourced ingredients, ensuring that each dish is fresh and flavorful.For those craving Italian cuisine, Basilico is a high-end restaurant that's sure to impress. With an authentic menu and an extensive wine selection, Basilico offers a taste of Italy right here in Olympia. The atmosphere is elegant and inviting, making it an ideal choice for a romantic dinner or special celebration.If you're a seafood lover, Anthonys Homeport Olympia is a must-visit. This family-owned restaurant boasts stunning waterfront views and a menu filled with fresh seafood options. The atmosphere is unmatched, creating a memorable dining experience for any occasion.For a farm-to-table experience, Cascadia Grill is the place to go. This Northwest brasserie restaurant opened its doors in 2016 and has quickly become a local favorite. Their dishes showcase regional flavors and are prepared using locally sourced ingredients. With its affordable prices and family-friendly atmosphere, Cascadia Grill is a great choice for a casual yet delicious dining experience.No matter what type of fine dining experience you're looking for, Olympia has a wide range of options to satisfy your cravings. From romantic date spots to farm-to-table experiences, these restaurants offer exceptional food and unforgettable atmospheres.Seafood Delights in OlympiaWe have a plethora of seafood delights to choose from in Olympia, and our top restaurants offer an array of delectable options. Whether you're a seafood enthusiast or looking for a waterfront dining experience, Olympia has something to satisfy your cravings. From sustainable seafood options to stunning views of the water, these restaurants have it all.RestaurantLocationDescriptionGardners Restaurant111 Thurston Ave NWCozy and intimate seafood-centric menuAnthonys Homeport Olympia704 Columbia St NWFresh seafood with stunning waterfront viewsChelsea Farms Oyster Bar222 Capitol Way NSpecializes in fresh oysters, waterfront locationGardners Restaurant, located at 111 Thurston Ave NW, offers a cozy and intimate ambiance along with a seafood-centric menu. They source locally and provide sustainable seafood options. Anthonys Homeport Olympia, situated at 704 Columbia St NW, is a family-owned seafood restaurant that boasts stunning waterfront views. They offer a variety of fresh seafood options and are committed to providing sustainable seafood choices. Chelsea Farms Oyster Bar, located at 222 Capitol Way N, specializes in fresh oysters sourced directly from Chelsea Farms. Their waterfront location provides a picturesque backdrop for enjoying delicious seafood dishes.These restaurants not only offer mouthwatering seafood delights but also provide a delightful dining experience. Whether you're looking for a romantic dinner or a casual lunch by the water, Olympia has the perfect spot for you. So, dive into the world of sustainable seafood options and enjoy a memorable waterfront dining experience in Olympia.Authentic International Cuisine in OlympiaWhen it comes to authentic international cuisine in Olympia, the city offers a diverse culinary landscape that showcases unique cultural flavors.From Thai cuisine at Lemon Grass to Mexican-inspired dishes at Hart's Mesa, there are plenty of options to explore and satisfy your taste buds.Olympia's restaurants pride themselves on using locally-sourced ingredients and creating dishes that stay true to their respective cuisines, ensuring an authentic dining experience for food enthusiasts.Unique Cultural FlavorsLet's explore the diverse and vibrant culinary scene in Olympia, Washington, where authentic international flavors take center stage at various restaurants.Olympia is a city that prides itself on its culinary fusion, bringing together different cultural influences to create unique and exciting dishes. Many restaurants in Olympia embrace the farm-to-table movement, sourcing their ingredients from local farms to ensure freshness and sustainability.From Italian cuisine at Basilico to Thai delights at Lemon Grass, there's no shortage of options for those seeking authentic international flavors in Olympia. Whether you're craving Mexican-inspired dishes at Hart's Mesa or fresh oysters at Chelsea Farms Oyster Bar, you'll find a restaurant that caters to your taste buds.With its emphasis on culinary diversity and the use of local ingredients, Olympia offers a truly unique dining experience. So, let's dive into the next section and discover the authenticity and culinary delights that await us in this vibrant city.Authenticity and Culinary DiversityOur exploration of authentic international cuisine in Olympia reveals a diverse array of flavors and culinary experiences. Olympia embraces culinary fusion, offering a unique blend of traditional and contemporary dishes inspired by cultures from around the world. From Italian delicacies at Basilico to mouthwatering Thai cuisine at Lemon Grass, there is something to satisfy every palate. Many of these restaurants pride themselves on using local farm-to-table ingredients, ensuring freshness and supporting the local community. Olympia's commitment to authentic international cuisine is evident in the wide range of options available, from Mexican-inspired dishes at Hart's Mesa to the fresh oysters at Chelsea Farms Oyster Bar. Whether you're craving Italian, Thai, Mexican, or any other international cuisine, Olympia has it all. Experience the rich tapestry of flavors and embark on a culinary journey like no other.RestaurantCuisineBasilicoItalianLemon GrassThaiHart's MesaMexican-inspiredChelsea Farms Oyster BarSeafoodCozy and Casual Eateries in OlympiaWe love exploring the cozy and casual eateries in Olympia, where we can enjoy delicious food in a relaxed atmosphere. Olympia is home to many hidden gems when it comes to cozy cafes and casual dining spots. Here are three of our favorites:The Bread Peddler: This popular bakery and cafe offers a cozy atmosphere where you can indulge in freshly baked bread and pastries. Start your day with a mouthwatering croissant or enjoy a satisfying lunch with one of their delicious sandwiches. The Bread Peddler is the perfect spot to unwind and savor a delightful meal.Lemon Grass: Located in downtown Olympia, Lemon Grass is a charming Thai restaurant that serves authentic cuisine in a cozy and inviting atmosphere. With an extensive menu that includes vegetarian options, you can enjoy classic Thai dishes like Pad Thai while basking in the warm ambiance of the restaurant.Swing Wine Bar: If you're looking for a relaxed and cozy spot to enjoy a glass of wine, Swing Wine Bar is the place to be. With an extensive wine list featuring local and international selections, you can sip on your favorite wine while savoring small plates and charcuterie boards. Live music events add to the vibrant and laid-back atmosphere of this charming wine bar.These cozy and casual eateries in Olympia offer a welcoming and relaxed setting where you can enjoy delicious food and unwind with friends or family. Whether you're in the mood for freshly baked bread, authentic Thai cuisine, or a glass of wine, these hidden gems are sure to satisfy your cravings and provide a memorable dining experience.Wine and Dine in OlympiaWhen it comes to wine and dine in Olympia, there are plenty of options to choose from. Whether you're looking for a restaurant with an extensive wine list or wineries that offer the perfect pairing for your meal, Olympia has it all.From upscale establishments like Swing Wine Bar with its relaxed atmosphere and live music events to local favorites like Chelsea Farms Oyster Bar, known for its fresh oysters and waterfront location, there's something for every wine lover in Olympia.Wine Pairing RecommendationsWhat wine pairings complement the diverse culinary offerings in Olympia, Washington? When dining at the best restaurants in Olympia, it's essential to choose the perfect wine to elevate your dining experience. Here are some wine pairing suggestions and local wine recommendations to enhance your meal:Gardners Restaurant:Pair the seafood-centric dishes with a crisp and refreshing local Chardonnay or Sauvignon Blanc.Basilico:Enhance the flavors of Italian cuisine with a medium-bodied Sangiovese or a bold Cabernet Sauvignon from the region.Anthonys Homeport Olympia:Enjoy the fresh seafood options with a local Pinot Gris or a vibrant Rosé.These wine pairings will complement the diverse flavors and ingredients found in Olympia's culinary scene, allowing you to fully indulge in the vibrant and delicious dining options available.Best Wineries in OlympiaLet's explore the top wineries in Olympia, offering a diverse selection of wines to enhance your dining experience.Olympia wineries are known for their commitment to producing exceptional wines sourced from local vineyards. One such winery is Olympia Wine Merchant, where you can discover a wide range of reds, whites, and rosés carefully crafted by passionate winemakers.Another notable winery is Stottle Winery, where you can indulge in their award-winning wines that showcase the unique terroir of the region.And for those looking for a unique tasting experience, Scatter Creek Winery offers a rustic and charming setting, accompanied by delicious wines made from grapes grown right on their estate.These Olympia wineries provide the perfect opportunity to savor the flavors of the region and elevate your dining experience.Now, let's uncover the hidden gems of Olympia's food scene.Hidden Gems of Olympia's Food SceneHave we discovered any hidden gems in Olympia's food scene? Absolutely! Olympia may be known for its popular restaurants and eateries, but there are some hidden gems that locals swear by. These local favorites offer unique culinary experiences that are worth exploring.Here are three hidden gems that shouldn't be missed:Gardners Restaurant: Tucked away in downtown Olympia, Gardners Restaurant has been a local favorite since 1983. With a seafood-centric menu and cozy ambiance, it offers a delightful dining experience. From their famous Cioppino (Fishermans Stew) to the Aged New York Steak, the menu is filled with delicious options.Cascadia Grill: Opened in 2016, Cascadia Grill has quickly become a hidden gem in Olympia. This Northwest brasserie restaurant is known for its amazing flavors and local beers. Whether you're in the mood for a juicy burger or a dish showcasing regional flavors, Cascadia Grill has something for everyone.Pizzeria La Gitana: If you're craving authentic Italian cuisine, Pizzeria La Gitana is the place to go. This local eatery specializes in wood-fired pizzas and offers a vibrant setting with themed decorations. Their salads, prepared from organic produce, are also a hit. Don't miss their must-try dish, the II Sogno pizza.These hidden gems may not have the same level of recognition as some of the more popular restaurants in Olympia, but they offer unique dining experiences that will satisfy any food lover.Frequently Asked QuestionsWhat Are Some Popular Vegetarian/Vegan Options Available at the Fine Dining Restaurants in Olympia?Popular vegetarian/vegan options at fine dining restaurants in Olympia include:Basilico's Penne al Forno con Salmone Affumicato, which features smoked salmon and a creamy tomato sauce.Cascadia Grill's Northwest brasserie dishes that showcase regional flavors with vegetarian twists.For a Mexican-inspired option, Hart's Mesa offers street-style tacos with plant-based fillings.These restaurants are among Olympia's best farm-to-table establishments, ensuring fresh and locally sourced ingredients for their vegetarian and vegan offerings.Are There Any Gluten-Free Options for Seafood Dishes in Olympia?Yes, there are gluten-free options for seafood dishes in Olympia.Many of the fine dining restaurants in the area offer gluten-free alternatives for their seafood dishes, ensuring that those with dietary restrictions can still enjoy delicious seafood.Additionally, there are popular vegetarian and vegan options available at these restaurants, providing a diverse range of choices for all diners.Whether you're looking for gluten-free or vegetarian/vegan options, Olympia's dining scene has something for everyone.Which Authentic International Cuisines Are Represented in the Cozy and Casual Eateries of Olympia?When it comes to authentic international cuisines in Olympia, there are several cozy and casual eateries that offer a variety of options. From Thai cuisine at Lemon Grass to Mexican-inspired dishes at Hart's Mesa, there's something for everyone.If you're looking for the best vegetarian/vegan options in fine dining, be sure to check out some hidden gem restaurants in Olympia.Additionally, there are wineries in the area that offer wine tasting experiences, perfect for wine enthusiasts.Can You Recommend a Hidden Gem Restaurant in Olympia That Offers a Unique Dining Experience?When it comes to hidden gem restaurants in Olympia, there's one place that stands out for its unique dining experience.With a focus on vegan options, this fine dining establishment offers a variety of innovative and delicious dishes that cater to plant-based eaters.From flavorful vegan entrees to delectable vegetarian appetizers, this restaurant has it all.Not only does it provide a memorable dining experience, but it also showcases the popularity of vegetarian cuisine in Olympia.Are There Any Wineries or Vineyards in Olympia That Offer Wine Tasting Experiences Alongside Their Food Menu?Sure, there are several wineries and vineyards in Olympia that offer wine tasting experiences alongside their food menu. These experiences provide the perfect opportunity to indulge in the rich flavors of locally-produced wines while enjoying delicious food pairings.Whether you're a wine connoisseur or just looking for a unique dining experience, these wineries and vineyards are sure to satisfy your cravings. So sit back, relax, and savor the delightful combination of exceptional wines and delectable cuisine.ConclusionGet ready to indulge in a culinary adventure like no other!Olympia, WA is home to some of the best restaurants that will tantalize your taste buds and leave you wanting more.From fine dining experiences to cozy eateries and hidden gems, there's something for everyone in this vibrant food scene.So, come and join us as we explore the flavors, ambiance, and culinary expertise that make these restaurants truly exceptional.Get ready to satisfy your cravings and enjoy a gastronomic journey through the best of Olympia's dining scene. submitted by Sweet-Count2557 to worldkidstravel [link] [comments] |
2024.05.15 11:39 not5 Monetized in 2.5 months, a review
Hey all!
I've been lurking here since I uploaded my first video on YT, and I've found some of your threads here useful. So I thought I'd give back with a write up on my monetization journey, which, although not lightning fast, has been medium-fast (two months and two weeks from my first upload).
Who am I?
I'm a fashion photographer, with 10+ years of experience in my main field, and 3+ years of experience in the generative AI field. I started working with generative AI for a project with Vogue Italia right before the main publicly available applications were released to the wider public (Dall-E, MidJourney, Stable Diffusion), and since then my work has been a mix of traditional photography and generative AI. And that's why I became a part-time Tuber.
Finding a niche
While I was implementing gen AI more and more in my fashion photography works, I was struggling to find professionally oriented tutorials on YT. There's a ton of content about gen AI, covering news, tools, and starting out with it, but there was close to no in-depth, real-world use cases focused tutorials. So I though - hey, I'm using it in my own works. I know a ton of fellow professionals who can use it too. I can't be the only one looking for this kind of content. Maybe I should create that content myself.
Now, I don't know what you're interested in, but in order to find a niche, I'd do the same: find something you like and know about, and check if there's some aspects of it which no one covers, and you know you can cover yourself.
From the comments and commission requests I've gotten in two months, I was right. Which leads us to...
Offering value
My content is long and incredibly tedious. Honestly, it's quite boring to the layman. But it's necessary for anyone who wants to learn something applicable in their own field *or* anyone who wants to start using AI tools in their own traditional workflows, so I realized those are my audience.
To those people, I'm offering value, even if the videos are long and boring. But it's the fact that they're long and boring that's giving me an edge. Let me explain how.
Basically, from the first video, I had to choose if:
Now, I needed a way to not lose the attention of people who already knew how to go from A to G, but not from G to Z, so in the first minute or so I always say something along the lines of "ok, so now I'm going to build all of my workflow from scratch, so if you're not interested in how and why it works this way, you can find the timestamps here and jump ahead to the demonstration segment".
This works, and it's why my watch curve looks like a "U". A good 25-30% of people are interested in the "how it's done", while 35-40% are interested in "what it looks like".
The only negative comment I've ever received on my format, which was something like "dude, you're too slow", was followed by a comment, a month later, by the same user, saying "I get now why you're slow, not everyone's at the same level. Please disregard my previous comment".
Strategy
Overall, I upload weekly, same day, same time, unless:
Metrics
Now, I think that the metrics I've seen both here and in the Partnered sub are completely skewed towards niches that are not appliable to me or fellow tutorial YouTubers, or for this sub in particular, are skewed towards creators who don't have large view counts.
20-30% CTR? 50% AVD? These kind of numbers, to me, would mean that I struck gold and I created something that was flying off the shelves like cakes during the French revolution (even if that never happened). Or, most likely, that no one is watching my content expect for my most hardened userbase, *and* YT didn't push the video at all to outside audiences.
My usual metrics, which are a direct result of both my very niche content and the nature of my content (tutorials), are around 8-10% CTR and 12-18% AVD. And the videos with these metrics get pushed, hard, to outside audiences.
I think YT's algorithm kind of understands that my content is not meant to be watched from start to finish, and that my audience is very selective of what it's useful to them. So either it doesn't care about the usual metrics I see thrown around here, or those metrics are inflated.
I also think (but again, sample size=1, me) that YT kind puts each and every one of us into a "box" of sorts, in terms of how much it wants to push our content. At first, my videos had a max impressions of around 10k. Nowadays, it's more in the realm of 50-200k, and it's reflected in the amount of impressions my newest videos get when they're published. The curves all look the same until one video breaks out, and a new standard is expected out of my next videos.
Also, each video is their own thing. If a video's CTR tanks in the first few hours, I can expect it to not reach the same audience that my most successful videos reach in the same amount of time, and that's because...
YouTube wants people to see (your) videos
Well, maybe not *your* videos, and maybe not *all* your videos, but the way YT works is opposite of the way IG works, for example. While IG has no monetary incentives to pushing free content, and has to push paid content in between free content, YouTube makes money out of people seeing free content, because the paid content (ADs) is embedded into the free content (videos).
So if your video is good, YT has no issues pushing it. If your video is not good, too bad, there's another content creator in your niche who has a better video, so let's push their video instead.
By providing value to your viewers, you're providing value to YouTube and their ADs, so either you and YT win, or another content creator and YT win. In the eyes of YT, everybody wins all the time.
Increasing CTR
If you're like me, you know, in your heart of hearts, that a catchy title and a great thumbnail are as important as the content of your video. If you're like me, the thumbnail's the last thing you prepare, and we're both wrong.
Seriously, get good at creating good thumbnails. Since I've started focusing more on thumbnails, my CTR has gotten, if not better in the long run (since all videos default to kind of the same CTR the longer the video has been out for and the wider the audience is), better in the first few hours and days, which increases the audience drastically.
I know this is a boring part of the creative process, but get good at it.
Also, experiment with multiple thumbnails during the first hours when a video has been published. A thumbnail you expected to do well might not be as catchy as you thought. Try 3 or 4 different thumbnails and see what sticks.
Increasing AVD
Now in my case I can't do much about it, since the format I've chosen is kind of non-negotiable and it's what brings value at the expense of AVD, but if you're:
I discovered streaming way too late, and I wish I did it way earlier. It would have had me monetized at least a couple of weeks sooner.
But in order to do it well, you need:
Equipment
I'm lucky enough to have a day job that covers most of the equipment needed. My camera and lenses are the same I'm using for my day job, I already had a mic, my PC is an absolute beast because of the generative AI work I do, so I think I spent like 20 bucks for a mic arm and that's it.
In anyone else's case, though, the most important things to invest in is:
Some of you may have more trouble with subs, some with watch hours (in my case, I got 2.5k subs before I reached my watch hours goal), some of you may find trouble expressing yourselves in front of the camera, or talking well, or may prefer scripts rather than talking freely while doing things, but all in all:
Thanks for reading!
submitted by not5 to NewTubers [link] [comments]
I've been lurking here since I uploaded my first video on YT, and I've found some of your threads here useful. So I thought I'd give back with a write up on my monetization journey, which, although not lightning fast, has been medium-fast (two months and two weeks from my first upload).
Who am I?
I'm a fashion photographer, with 10+ years of experience in my main field, and 3+ years of experience in the generative AI field. I started working with generative AI for a project with Vogue Italia right before the main publicly available applications were released to the wider public (Dall-E, MidJourney, Stable Diffusion), and since then my work has been a mix of traditional photography and generative AI. And that's why I became a part-time Tuber.
Finding a niche
While I was implementing gen AI more and more in my fashion photography works, I was struggling to find professionally oriented tutorials on YT. There's a ton of content about gen AI, covering news, tools, and starting out with it, but there was close to no in-depth, real-world use cases focused tutorials. So I though - hey, I'm using it in my own works. I know a ton of fellow professionals who can use it too. I can't be the only one looking for this kind of content. Maybe I should create that content myself.
Now, I don't know what you're interested in, but in order to find a niche, I'd do the same: find something you like and know about, and check if there's some aspects of it which no one covers, and you know you can cover yourself.
From the comments and commission requests I've gotten in two months, I was right. Which leads us to...
Offering value
My content is long and incredibly tedious. Honestly, it's quite boring to the layman. But it's necessary for anyone who wants to learn something applicable in their own field *or* anyone who wants to start using AI tools in their own traditional workflows, so I realized those are my audience.
To those people, I'm offering value, even if the videos are long and boring. But it's the fact that they're long and boring that's giving me an edge. Let me explain how.
Basically, from the first video, I had to choose if:
- I wanted to go straight to the point and show how things were done with the tools I was using, and show real life examples, or;
- I wanted to spend the necessary time to explain to anyone, even those who had no skillset in the tools I was using, how things were done.
Now, I needed a way to not lose the attention of people who already knew how to go from A to G, but not from G to Z, so in the first minute or so I always say something along the lines of "ok, so now I'm going to build all of my workflow from scratch, so if you're not interested in how and why it works this way, you can find the timestamps here and jump ahead to the demonstration segment".
This works, and it's why my watch curve looks like a "U". A good 25-30% of people are interested in the "how it's done", while 35-40% are interested in "what it looks like".
The only negative comment I've ever received on my format, which was something like "dude, you're too slow", was followed by a comment, a month later, by the same user, saying "I get now why you're slow, not everyone's at the same level. Please disregard my previous comment".
Strategy
Overall, I upload weekly, same day, same time, unless:
- I want to stream (unscheduled, spur of the moment short streams, around 2 hours each);
- something huge has come out in my niche and needs to be covered as soon as possible.
- I'm not good at making them;
- I don't like making them;
- they don't provide value to my core audience.
Metrics
Now, I think that the metrics I've seen both here and in the Partnered sub are completely skewed towards niches that are not appliable to me or fellow tutorial YouTubers, or for this sub in particular, are skewed towards creators who don't have large view counts.
20-30% CTR? 50% AVD? These kind of numbers, to me, would mean that I struck gold and I created something that was flying off the shelves like cakes during the French revolution (even if that never happened). Or, most likely, that no one is watching my content expect for my most hardened userbase, *and* YT didn't push the video at all to outside audiences.
My usual metrics, which are a direct result of both my very niche content and the nature of my content (tutorials), are around 8-10% CTR and 12-18% AVD. And the videos with these metrics get pushed, hard, to outside audiences.
I think YT's algorithm kind of understands that my content is not meant to be watched from start to finish, and that my audience is very selective of what it's useful to them. So either it doesn't care about the usual metrics I see thrown around here, or those metrics are inflated.
I also think (but again, sample size=1, me) that YT kind puts each and every one of us into a "box" of sorts, in terms of how much it wants to push our content. At first, my videos had a max impressions of around 10k. Nowadays, it's more in the realm of 50-200k, and it's reflected in the amount of impressions my newest videos get when they're published. The curves all look the same until one video breaks out, and a new standard is expected out of my next videos.
Also, each video is their own thing. If a video's CTR tanks in the first few hours, I can expect it to not reach the same audience that my most successful videos reach in the same amount of time, and that's because...
YouTube wants people to see (your) videos
Well, maybe not *your* videos, and maybe not *all* your videos, but the way YT works is opposite of the way IG works, for example. While IG has no monetary incentives to pushing free content, and has to push paid content in between free content, YouTube makes money out of people seeing free content, because the paid content (ADs) is embedded into the free content (videos).
So if your video is good, YT has no issues pushing it. If your video is not good, too bad, there's another content creator in your niche who has a better video, so let's push their video instead.
By providing value to your viewers, you're providing value to YouTube and their ADs, so either you and YT win, or another content creator and YT win. In the eyes of YT, everybody wins all the time.
Increasing CTR
If you're like me, you know, in your heart of hearts, that a catchy title and a great thumbnail are as important as the content of your video. If you're like me, the thumbnail's the last thing you prepare, and we're both wrong.
Seriously, get good at creating good thumbnails. Since I've started focusing more on thumbnails, my CTR has gotten, if not better in the long run (since all videos default to kind of the same CTR the longer the video has been out for and the wider the audience is), better in the first few hours and days, which increases the audience drastically.
I know this is a boring part of the creative process, but get good at it.
Also, experiment with multiple thumbnails during the first hours when a video has been published. A thumbnail you expected to do well might not be as catchy as you thought. Try 3 or 4 different thumbnails and see what sticks.
Increasing AVD
Now in my case I can't do much about it, since the format I've chosen is kind of non-negotiable and it's what brings value at the expense of AVD, but if you're:
- seeing a sharp decrease in viewers around the 00:30 mark, work on your intros and get straight into the action;
- seeing a below 30% retention rate throughout the video, either there was no need for this content, or you're not covering it well enough (or you're not engaging enough);
- overall, give the viewers a reason to stay engaged throughout the different sections of the video.
I discovered streaming way too late, and I wish I did it way earlier. It would have had me monetized at least a couple of weeks sooner.
But in order to do it well, you need:
- a good userbase who wants to extract more infos and values from things you're not covering in your uploads;
- the skillset necessary to basically host a mini-show.
Equipment
I'm lucky enough to have a day job that covers most of the equipment needed. My camera and lenses are the same I'm using for my day job, I already had a mic, my PC is an absolute beast because of the generative AI work I do, so I think I spent like 20 bucks for a mic arm and that's it.
In anyone else's case, though, the most important things to invest in is:
- a good mic, since audio quality is more important than video quality (tons of people have terrible displays, but tons of people like to hear nice audio);
- 8 hours in DaVinci Resolve, and I swear you don't even need the full 8 hours, you just need to understand how to trim, cut and paste clips, how to improve your audio, and how to export files;
- only then, and maybe, a good enough camera, good lighting (my light is literally an ikea lamp with a 5 bucks white scrim on it, I just know how to make it look good because of my day job), minimum hardware.
Some of you may have more trouble with subs, some with watch hours (in my case, I got 2.5k subs before I reached my watch hours goal), some of you may find trouble expressing yourselves in front of the camera, or talking well, or may prefer scripts rather than talking freely while doing things, but all in all:
- do what you're good at;
- improve what you're lacking in;
- know what's useless to improve.
Thanks for reading!
2024.05.15 11:38 0xDB5FD28a (TW: mention of germs) Obsessed with cleaning everything all the time, leading to Clorox wipe overuse
TLDR I am overly obsessed with cleaning my own body parts using surface cleaning products that are not meant to be applied to the human skin and pose risk to physical health. I am not sure how to put this to a stop, as not acting upon the respective intrusive thoughts makes me go through almost panic-like fear of spreading supposed "germs" to others or getting "infected".
Hello Anxiety,
I believe a similar post had already existed here before, but I've been kind of having this extremely weird paranoid obsession with cleaning everything and the lengths I go to fulfill it might be putting my physical health to a potential risk.
Every time when I touch (or get touched) by an object that is perceived by me to be "dirty" (as in, covered in germs) or, otherwise, of unknown cleanliness, I immediately start cleaning my body part that came in contact with it, usually the hands. The problem is that the methods I utilize to do so do not limit themselves to just rushing to the nearest bathroom and washing my hands with water and soap, but rather involve highly toxic cleaning substances.
One of these chemical substances are Clorox wipes, which are based on bleach and contain a significant amount of different toxic ingredients apart from it. These wipes are meant to be for cleaning surfaces and possess no harm in such case, but their use on human skin is highly discouraged, as it might lead to a burn. This, however, hasn't stopped me from doing otherwise.
Even though I consciously understand the risks involved using such product on the human body, I keep using them, as if I don't, I start getting instrusive thoughts of getting "infected" and/or potentially spreading germs to others or something. These intrusive thoughts essentially lead me to using exclusively Clorox, as even regular hand-washing doesn't stop this crazy obsession (in this case, I start panicking that the regular soap and water combo is not enough + for body parts that aren't arms, I am basically either forced to go take a full-blown shower or rely on a portable solution instead).
One of these examples would be me using Clorox wipes on my hair and head because I was taking a taxi and as I was putting on my hood it supposedly touched the seats (!!). No matter how absurd this might sound, not acting upon this thought immediately leads to more of those springing up until the rest of my day.
Recently I used Clorox on a part of my foot (as I tripped on my shoes at home by accident as I was roaming the corridor) and I did indeed get a proper burn. The part of the skin affected does not feel any touch anymore as a result and is bright red and painful. Because of the pain and of the fact that pressing on it makes it temporarily white immediately, it certainly is no third-degree burn and is not really much to worry about.
However, this situation is already a huge warning to me that I better quit with Clorox wipes and stop using any cleaning products not meant for the skin entirely, especially now that I've overused them literally as I've been applying them to different body parts every single day.
Yet I don't know how to stop - even consciously understanding all the risks involved, I literally cannot stop using those as otherwise I get stressed and start panicking and combating so is a struggle on its own that takes a solid few hours just to calm down to the slightest to avoid acting upon intrusive cleaning obsession thoughts.
I wonder what could be some good ways to put this to a stop. Not buying Clorox is a good option, but it doesn't help with the intrusive thoughts and the overall low mood as follows. I used to be able to distract myself with something else in the past to make these go away, but it is becoming harder to do so with every single day.
Any ideas on this? Thank you very much in advance!
submitted by 0xDB5FD28a to Anxiety [link] [comments]
Hello Anxiety,
I believe a similar post had already existed here before, but I've been kind of having this extremely weird paranoid obsession with cleaning everything and the lengths I go to fulfill it might be putting my physical health to a potential risk.
Every time when I touch (or get touched) by an object that is perceived by me to be "dirty" (as in, covered in germs) or, otherwise, of unknown cleanliness, I immediately start cleaning my body part that came in contact with it, usually the hands. The problem is that the methods I utilize to do so do not limit themselves to just rushing to the nearest bathroom and washing my hands with water and soap, but rather involve highly toxic cleaning substances.
One of these chemical substances are Clorox wipes, which are based on bleach and contain a significant amount of different toxic ingredients apart from it. These wipes are meant to be for cleaning surfaces and possess no harm in such case, but their use on human skin is highly discouraged, as it might lead to a burn. This, however, hasn't stopped me from doing otherwise.
Even though I consciously understand the risks involved using such product on the human body, I keep using them, as if I don't, I start getting instrusive thoughts of getting "infected" and/or potentially spreading germs to others or something. These intrusive thoughts essentially lead me to using exclusively Clorox, as even regular hand-washing doesn't stop this crazy obsession (in this case, I start panicking that the regular soap and water combo is not enough + for body parts that aren't arms, I am basically either forced to go take a full-blown shower or rely on a portable solution instead).
One of these examples would be me using Clorox wipes on my hair and head because I was taking a taxi and as I was putting on my hood it supposedly touched the seats (!!). No matter how absurd this might sound, not acting upon this thought immediately leads to more of those springing up until the rest of my day.
Recently I used Clorox on a part of my foot (as I tripped on my shoes at home by accident as I was roaming the corridor) and I did indeed get a proper burn. The part of the skin affected does not feel any touch anymore as a result and is bright red and painful. Because of the pain and of the fact that pressing on it makes it temporarily white immediately, it certainly is no third-degree burn and is not really much to worry about.
However, this situation is already a huge warning to me that I better quit with Clorox wipes and stop using any cleaning products not meant for the skin entirely, especially now that I've overused them literally as I've been applying them to different body parts every single day.
Yet I don't know how to stop - even consciously understanding all the risks involved, I literally cannot stop using those as otherwise I get stressed and start panicking and combating so is a struggle on its own that takes a solid few hours just to calm down to the slightest to avoid acting upon intrusive cleaning obsession thoughts.
I wonder what could be some good ways to put this to a stop. Not buying Clorox is a good option, but it doesn't help with the intrusive thoughts and the overall low mood as follows. I used to be able to distract myself with something else in the past to make these go away, but it is becoming harder to do so with every single day.
Any ideas on this? Thank you very much in advance!
2024.05.15 11:38 woodss My experiences hiring a nutritionist to help me recover from CFS/ME
I've had 2 pretty bad burnouts in the past 10 years. Chronic fatigue has massively effected my life, and I've been left with lingering chronic migraines which don't seem to want to quit.
I have, however, mostly got out of the fatigue part of the trap. Other than therapy and changing my life in a few ways (work, relationship, location - basically reducing stress), nutrition was for me, absolutely key in coming back from the brink.
Yesterday I shared the 30 supplements I'd tried over these years, and tried to order them in terms of efficacy. It was awesome to hear about other people succeeding partly due to nutrition, and you all seemed to get some use out of the list, so I thought I'd write another post sharing how I benefited from hiring a nutritionist.
First up, I was reluctant to spend the money on a nutritionist to begin with - I was wiped out and as a solopreneur had cut back my working week to 3 days writing code and doing entrepreneur stuff - at that point money was tight. I thought I knew what I should be eating and amidst CFS everything felt overwhelming and difficult.
But eventually I gave in to those around me and signed up for a consultation with a nutritionist which my sister suggested.
She wasn't super expensive. She was super experienced. My nutritionist had worked for 8 years at a burnout clinic in a big city. She knew her stuff.
Over the years I had 3 'Consultations', each with a follow up or two. They always looked similar, like this:
I learned all the ways I wasn't helping myself. I had thought that I was quite savvy with food, but I had my macro's (fat/protein/veg etc. %) all wrong. My blood sugar was out of whack, my cortisol graph was a rollercoaster.
Before enlisting the nutritionist I took supplements, but I did so haphazardly. Same with diets. Keto, vegan, etc.
With the nutritionists guidance I:
As I read back through this I'm trying to find my point; and I think fundamentally it's this: When you're in Burnout it can feel like you'll never get free. It can feel like nobody can help you. It can feel fatal and exhausting. I can say, for me at least, after years of feeling that way, (dreadful), there is hope. Take small steps. Work on your mental health, your sleep, your gut, and your physhical health. Getting help from qualified, kind practitioners where you can; it's worth it.
... and finally I realise that I am privileged in being able to get this support, and that it's not available everywhere and to everyone. I hope you find the support you need to start stepping out of your abyss - either way, don't overlook your nutrition.
submitted by woodss to cfs [link] [comments]
I have, however, mostly got out of the fatigue part of the trap. Other than therapy and changing my life in a few ways (work, relationship, location - basically reducing stress), nutrition was for me, absolutely key in coming back from the brink.
Yesterday I shared the 30 supplements I'd tried over these years, and tried to order them in terms of efficacy. It was awesome to hear about other people succeeding partly due to nutrition, and you all seemed to get some use out of the list, so I thought I'd write another post sharing how I benefited from hiring a nutritionist.
First up, I was reluctant to spend the money on a nutritionist to begin with - I was wiped out and as a solopreneur had cut back my working week to 3 days writing code and doing entrepreneur stuff - at that point money was tight. I thought I knew what I should be eating and amidst CFS everything felt overwhelming and difficult.
But eventually I gave in to those around me and signed up for a consultation with a nutritionist which my sister suggested.
She wasn't super expensive. She was super experienced. My nutritionist had worked for 8 years at a burnout clinic in a big city. She knew her stuff.
Over the years I had 3 'Consultations', each with a follow up or two. They always looked similar, like this:
- Sends over a prior health questionnaire.
- Sends over a questionaire, where you have to enter your typical diet for a hypothetical 5 day week.
- Decent hour-long holistic chat about all the key points in your health journey (potential origins, gut health state indicators, medications etc.), and my aims (which were obviously, get out of the CFS hole).
- Suggests taking bicarb (baking soda) stomach acid test.
- Suggests a number of supplements for you to get.
- You go away and try to inject some of the wisdom and supplements into your daily life.
- Follow up comes around way too fast, you kick it back a few weeks to more fully try the changes.
- Follow up call holds you accountable, discusses what's worked, what hasn't.
- A new plan is made, and so on.
I learned all the ways I wasn't helping myself. I had thought that I was quite savvy with food, but I had my macro's (fat/protein/veg etc. %) all wrong. My blood sugar was out of whack, my cortisol graph was a rollercoaster.
Before enlisting the nutritionist I took supplements, but I did so haphazardly. Same with diets. Keto, vegan, etc.
With the nutritionists guidance I:
- Corrected my macros (still not perfect)
- Thoroughly gave up caffiene
- Mostly gave up alcohol
- Let go of the processed foods and sweet 'treats'
- Ate lots more (organic) vegetables
- Found the supplements which genuinely helped my body not feel abysmal
- Took some tests and promptly saw data I could use (not in 2 years like the NHS here in the UK would have me)
- Learned more about the science of CFS, metabolism, allergens etc.
- Their help is only as good as your commitment to change
- Some food choices are socially reinforced, and hard to change
- I fell over a few times, needed a few extra calls to correct course
- Actual trained knowledge (not instagram influencer 20s clips)
- Made me look at what I was putting in my body more clearly
- Support & Care (when in CFS we just need help, sometimes)
- Accountability (knowing there's a follow up made me endeavour to try the dietary changes seriously)
As I read back through this I'm trying to find my point; and I think fundamentally it's this: When you're in Burnout it can feel like you'll never get free. It can feel like nobody can help you. It can feel fatal and exhausting. I can say, for me at least, after years of feeling that way, (dreadful), there is hope. Take small steps. Work on your mental health, your sleep, your gut, and your physhical health. Getting help from qualified, kind practitioners where you can; it's worth it.
... and finally I realise that I am privileged in being able to get this support, and that it's not available everywhere and to everyone. I hope you find the support you need to start stepping out of your abyss - either way, don't overlook your nutrition.