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2011.12.17 03:57 sleepyblogger Interior Decorating
interior decorating, design
2011.03.18 22:47 noonches Dating for the Dating Impaired
Dating for the dating impaired. 18+ only. Positive comment karma required. Put your location in your title. Post flair is required and needs to be correct. No surveys or forms allowed. Don't be an ass and don't post a pic of yours.
2024.05.13 23:38 PrincessKirstyn An update to my previous post and a huge thank you to this group đ«¶đ»
Hi all! I posted a week or so ago about feeling lost and overwhelmed with my GD diagnosis and the responses I got were very helpful overall and a huge thank you to everyone for that!
I finally (what felt like forever later) got to meet with my new doctor about it and I feel incredibly lucky to be in the hospital system I am! Iâm in Columbus, OH and going through OSU - my doctor has done so many studies about GD and even shared with me that the passion came from watching a loved one deal with it. He ultimately did decide to put me on insulin due to my fasting numbers being borderline and sometimes over, but was able to calm my nerves about it. Thereâs a lot of misinformation about insulin and that youâre more likely to develop T2 if you take it- he reassured me thatâs not the case and even that he sees the opposite quite often.
We discussed in depth both medication options - metformin and insulin - ultimately we decided on insulin due to my other complication (HG) and how metformin can be rough on the stomach.
What Iâm really excited about is my doctors passion in research studies and trying to get more information out about GD earlier in pregnancy so that new moms donât immediately panic when they get the diagnosis (like I did and Iâm sure others do). I get to participate in a research study regarding insulin during pregnancy as a treatment for GD - basically if my fasting numbers are too high, I increase the dose and if too low I decrease or if perfect stay the same - allowing women to have more autonomy during their pregnancies and this practice and ultimately feel more involved in their care plan. My numbers are still reviewed weekly and they will still intervene if necessary.
Overall, I feel much better and a lot more positive about this experience. Thatâs in large part due to this group and everyone being so transparent with their journeys. So thank you all for posting the good and the bad days! đ«¶đ» I just wanted to share my update in hopes itâll give someone else out there some insight as well!
Also bonus means more ultrasounds and I got to see my sweet girls profile for the first time since she doesnât like to cooperate!
submitted by PrincessKirstyn to GestationalDiabetes [link] [comments]
I finally (what felt like forever later) got to meet with my new doctor about it and I feel incredibly lucky to be in the hospital system I am! Iâm in Columbus, OH and going through OSU - my doctor has done so many studies about GD and even shared with me that the passion came from watching a loved one deal with it. He ultimately did decide to put me on insulin due to my fasting numbers being borderline and sometimes over, but was able to calm my nerves about it. Thereâs a lot of misinformation about insulin and that youâre more likely to develop T2 if you take it- he reassured me thatâs not the case and even that he sees the opposite quite often.
We discussed in depth both medication options - metformin and insulin - ultimately we decided on insulin due to my other complication (HG) and how metformin can be rough on the stomach.
What Iâm really excited about is my doctors passion in research studies and trying to get more information out about GD earlier in pregnancy so that new moms donât immediately panic when they get the diagnosis (like I did and Iâm sure others do). I get to participate in a research study regarding insulin during pregnancy as a treatment for GD - basically if my fasting numbers are too high, I increase the dose and if too low I decrease or if perfect stay the same - allowing women to have more autonomy during their pregnancies and this practice and ultimately feel more involved in their care plan. My numbers are still reviewed weekly and they will still intervene if necessary.
Overall, I feel much better and a lot more positive about this experience. Thatâs in large part due to this group and everyone being so transparent with their journeys. So thank you all for posting the good and the bad days! đ«¶đ» I just wanted to share my update in hopes itâll give someone else out there some insight as well!
Also bonus means more ultrasounds and I got to see my sweet girls profile for the first time since she doesnât like to cooperate!
2024.05.13 23:38 ThaBiGGDoGG Kat Ocean Chat On Discord (I Already Removed Mine After She Stopped Talking)
April 2, 2024
katocean. â 04/02/2024 6:15 PM
I have a few contacts now via twitter.
[6:16 PM]
I just love people who are all about saying fuck the establishment. To a degree.
[6:16 PM]
Wow!
[6:17 PM]
I got one that is banned permanently. Then a throw away one. And then my main one im vocal on
katocean. â 04/02/2024 6:23 PM
Oh YOU ARE BLUE BALLS SECURITY?!?!
[6:23 PM]
Lmaooooo
[6:24 PM]
[6:25 PM]
Damn there alll out early today. Now Jess is live
[6:26 PM]
Absolutely!
katocean. â 04/02/2024 6:34 PM
Awee shucks, well its been a nice distraction
[6:34 PM]
Who do you think is your favorite streamer of the Squirrels to watch?
katocean. â 04/02/2024 6:45 PM
It was. A long but fun day
[6:47 PM]
But my stupid ex made me go out the night before and up till like 3AM. I was pissed.
[6:48 PM]
So I just rolled out of bed at like 1230-1 and uber down
[6:48 PM]
No make up or anything and threw comfys on and dipped
[6:48 PM]
Well thank you. I was a hot mess express
[6:49 PM]
5'7
katocean. â 04/02/2024 6:52 PM
katocean. â 04/02/2024 7:05 PM
Big plans for tonight?
[7:12 PM]
Watching the streamers! I just made it on Jess' poster! Shes putting all our names on her poster
katocean. â 04/02/2024 7:28 PM
STOPPPP
[7:29 PM]
Where was that???
[7:29 PM]
Aweee shucks stopppp
[7:32 PM]
Danks
[7:34 PM]
Did DOA say he was coming back?
katocean. â 04/02/2024 7:36 PM
Ahhh okay. Ill just stick on Jess' live for now
[7:40 PM]
Why??
[7:42 PM]
I try and not to be a rude person. I like engaging in conversations with people
katocean. â 04/02/2024 7:44 PM
Your boy just went live
[7:48 PM]
Ill head over cause jess is just writing names on her poster lol
[7:48 PM]
Shoot streets is live
[7:48 PM]
And yellin at the 5-0
[7:48 PM]
Gotta watch that
katocean. â 04/02/2024 7:59 PM
Wow
[7:59 PM]
UNDER CONTROL
katocean. â 04/02/2024 8:15 PM
Nah.
[8:15 PM]
I dont have much of an appetite
[8:16 PM]
But Chris' chipotle does look good but Im always disappointed when I get it. Plus Im saving every nickel and dime I have right now. So deff not ordering out or anything for a while.
[8:19 PM]
What do you know how to make besides pizza?!?!
[8:19 PM]
Lol
[8:21 PM]
Meatloaf
[8:21 PM]
Spaghetti good
[8:21 PM]
Chicken long as its well done lol
katocean. â 04/02/2024 8:22 PM
Hahaha im picky and get weird food adversions. I like everything fully cooked and well done
katocean. â 04/02/2024 8:47 PM
Ruhhh rooh!
[8:49 PM]
Its just starting to sleet / snow over here
[8:49 PM]
And my dog wont stop bothering me to go out. Im like ANNA PUP HUSH YOU DONT NEED TO POTTY EVERY HR
1
April 3, 2024
katocean. â 04/03/2024 7:38 AM
Sorry I fell asleep so early last night
[7:40 AM]
Thank you! Just woke up, its deff snowing but not much yet
[7:41 AM]
Yay for April! And snow! You never know what youre gonna get in the midwest
katocean. â 04/03/2024 7:47 AM
No I applied for an apartment yesterday so hoping to hear back today... applying for another one today. Thats about it. Im temp staying in Wisconsin at my moms. Trying to return to work next week
[7:47 AM]
How about you??
[7:52 AM]
We both live such exciting lives right now
katocean. â 04/03/2024 7:55 AM
How? My life is so messed up right now. I cant wait to get back to normalcy soon. Back in my own place, working, my daily routine etc
[7:57 AM]
[7:57 AM]
katocean. â 04/03/2024 8:12 AM
Whose that?
katocean. â 04/03/2024 8:24 AM
Ewww
[8:24 AM]
Omg
[8:24 AM]
Lord
[8:24 AM]
Stop
[8:24 AM]
Wtf
[8:24 AM]
I look like a night crawler
[8:31 AM]
Gah idk what you're definition of beautiful is but that is NOT it
katocean. â 04/03/2024 8:33 AM
Wtfff lmao. That girl was NOT PLAYIN WITH YA
katocean. â 04/03/2024 8:53 AM
Boy you and your pizza I like plain cheese but a GOOD and mean has to be good, bacon, chicken, bbq hits every once in a while
katocean. â 04/03/2024 9:15 AM
Ewww
[9:15 AM]
No
[9:15 AM]
I dont even like hot dogs.
katocean. â 04/03/2024 9:24 AM
Apple duh
[9:24 AM]
You're probably an android weirdo
[9:24 AM]
K bye
[9:30 AM]
katocean. â 04/03/2024 9:58 AM
I dont really drink pop but If I do it has to be coke. I used to like pepsi then I went to Europe and they only had coke... so then bam I made the switch ever since
katocean. â 04/03/2024 11:07 AM
Mmm I guess horror. I prefer documentaries, war movies especially about WW2, Drama, biographical movies, etc
[11:08 AM]
I'm more of a serious person with a purpose
katocean. â 04/03/2024 2:22 PM
Im just annoyed AF
[2:23 PM]
The application process for these two places are driving me up the fucking wall
[2:23 PM]
Its easier to buy a fucking gun then it is to apply for an apartment
[2:23 PM]
And im just beyond livid right now
[2:23 PM]
All I want to do is cry
katocean. â 04/03/2024 3:05 PM
Do you have a million dollars you can send me? That would be helpful, okay Ill take 100k... i wont be greedy
[3:05 PM]
Thank you
[3:06 PM]
I want to go home so badly. I want nothing to do with my ex. I dont even want to see him but I want to be back in my "home" until I have somewhere of my own again
[3:06 PM]
I hate that all my stuff is still there, that im at my moms
katocean. â 04/03/2024 3:31 PM
You have a better mind set then me
katocean. â 04/03/2024 3:38 PM
Karma works too slow for me
[3:38 PM]
And never seems to happen
[3:40 PM]
Damn lol
[3:40 PM]
Or did YOU break it?!?! Lmao
katocean. â 04/03/2024 3:50 PM
Oh lord I dont want to get into politics. But I am NOT a Trumper. I will say that. I'm a pretty liberal activists and wouldnt be a social worker if I wasnt. But I will say, from a fiscal standpoint I am more conservative as I got older & on my own. And I do recognize that we do better as an economy usually when a republican is president. But thats all Im gonna say about that
[3:52 PM]
Oh god I know. I wish we didnt have to go through these two bafoons again. I want new fresh faces, younger faces with progressive ideas. But I pretty much hate both sides at this moment in time and govt in general
katocean. â 04/03/2024 3:57 PM
Agree
[3:58 PM]
Im about to be in therapy for the next hr so my lack of responses will be why
katocean. â 04/03/2024 6:04 PM
I know I just sped through his stream and caught up. Im worried they are keeping his phones and computer and fur coat. Cause the officer is like "for further investigation"
katocean. â 04/03/2024 6:26 PM
Just relaxing. Contemplating if Im going to eat dinner or not.
katocean. â 04/03/2024 6:44 PM
No way sir
[6:44 PM]
Im in a depression funk
[6:46 PM]
I can give you my instagram if you want
[6:46 PM]
But deff no selfies right now
katocean. â 04/03/2024 6:52 PM
You can find it idk how to link it
[6:52 PM]
Still have all my pictures with my ex tho
[6:52 PM]
Just havent felt like deleting yet
[6:53 PM]
Also please if you see him tagged dont message him or anything. Even if you think thats being helpful.
katocean. â 04/03/2024 7:06 PM
No bueno
katocean. â 04/03/2024 7:20 PM
No bueno = No good
katocean. â 04/03/2024 8:38 PM
Thank you
April 4, 2024
katocean. â 04/04/2024 9:12 AM
Morning, thank you. You as well
katocean. â 04/04/2024 11:54 AM
Go to St. Louis Scientology Squirrel right now
[11:54 AM]
Shes in the St louis org
[11:54 AM]
Under cover live
[11:54 AM]
Recording
[11:54 AM]
But keep it on the DL. We dont want to many people knowing
[11:55 AM]
On YY
[11:55 AM]
Yt**
[11:55 AM]
katocean. â 04/04/2024 12:06 PM
No but it was great. Cant wait for the full replay to be posted
katocean. â 04/04/2024 12:14 PM
My mom informed me she had the book back in the 70s and her & her first husband read it. And thought it was "interesting"... I'm like omg... I could have became a sciento! Thank god it was just a dabble into the book and nothing more
katocean. â 04/04/2024 12:22 PM
Oh god
[12:22 PM]
Probably one I hate
[12:22 PM]
Oh and to answer your question earlier... yes, I want to move to the PNW badly. Thats my dream
[12:22 PM]
[12:25 PM]
Pshhh i know why its your favorite picture... creepy old men lol
[12:25 PM]
But I did post it as a thirst trap sorta bahahaha
[12:25 PM]
I've lost nearly 80lbs this last year
[12:26 PM]
I always was skinny but the last 5-6 years I put sooo much weight on. I got up to 210 and now down to like 130
[12:27 PM]
Which is great. But id love for other parts of my life to fall in place so i can just be happy overall
[12:27 PM]
Do you try and work out? Or anything?
[12:27 PM]
Maybe LESS pizza XXXXX! Lol
[12:27 PM]
Jk
[12:28 PM]
Have you talked with your doctor on getting on like Wegovy or Ozempic? Do you have insurance?
[12:28 PM]
It was a life saver for me
[12:28 PM]
Yeah fool. I found ur fb too. XXXXX XXXXX
[12:28 PM]
[12:29 PM]
I gotta know who im randomly talking to
katocean. â 04/04/2024 12:29 PM
But you have nothing besides memes and rando pictures that i can see and emoji bits or whatever lmao
[12:30 PM]
Get yourself on like Tinder or Bumble or Ok Cupid or somethin!
[12:30 PM]
But you deff have to have pictures
[12:31 PM]
I dont know. Im not in any place to give dating advice. I cant even fathom doing that at all right now. Im just ready to be single and build myself back up.
[12:31 PM]
Sheesh
[12:31 PM]
Im sorry
katocean. â 04/04/2024 12:37 PM
What do you think the issue is? Like not placing blame on you or anything... but when you do a deep dive into yourself what issues or things do you think makes it hard for a women to want to pursue anything further with you?
katocean. â 04/04/2024 12:53 PM
The snap chat thing is a little creepy IMO
[12:53 PM]
So Im not surprised you arent getting much traction from that
[12:53 PM]
Yeah not having a car is a huge hinderance
katocean. â 04/04/2024 1:11 PM
No. My mom does alll the time. Shes actually watching it right now lmao. I find them cheesy AF. Ha. One of my ex's & cousin are extras in those show allll the time
katocean. â 04/04/2024 1:22 PM
Only medical show I can watch is Greys Anatomy. And its because Ive been watching it since I was 16... and just cant give it up. 19 almost 20 years now.
[1:22 PM]
And I was and like "oh god this would never happen IRL" lmao
[1:23 PM]
Its the story lines for me of the characters. Not necessarily the medical aspects and patients.
katocean. â 04/04/2024 1:31 PM
I dont watch the Good doctor. I watched like 2 episodes when it first came out and I couldnt get past his insane autistic melt downs
[1:31 PM]
Lmao Im an asshole
[1:32 PM]
Cute what?
[1:34 PM]
Lets see how fast Sciento dad blocks me
katocean. â 04/04/2024 1:41 PM
Oh fuck me
[1:42 PM]
Probably Kathy hopefully
[1:42 PM]
And not Kathleen lol
katocean. â 04/04/2024 2:07 PM
No
[2:07 PM]
Lol
katocean. â 04/04/2024 2:31 PM
Lol!
[2:31 PM]
Me and Scientology twitter back at it right now
[2:31 PM]
[2:31 PM]
I love the attempting gaslighting
[2:33 PM]
Hahaha i love toying with these little fuckers
katocean. â 04/04/2024 2:48 PM
katocean. â 04/04/2024 3:18 PM
No thank you
[3:18 PM]
Maybe 5-10 years ago
katocean. â 04/04/2024 7:19 PM
Hey I took a really long afternoon nap just woke up
[7:20 PM]
Lol
katocean. â 04/04/2024 7:28 PM
Probably like a deep purple
katocean. â 04/04/2024 7:38 PM
Yeah pretty close
katocean. â 04/04/2024 9:30 PM
No
[9:30 PM]
Lol
[9:30 PM]
Sorry
April 5, 2024
katocean. â 04/05/2024 8:31 AM
Sleeping, Ive been going to sleep early these days by like 9-10 ish or so
[8:32 AM]
Honestly, right now, I wake up wait for the day to go by just so I can go to sleep
[8:32 AM]
Im contemplating on returning to work next Tuesday
[8:37 AM]
I wish
katocean. â 04/05/2024 8:52 AM
Basically between 1,300-1,400 fml
[8:52 AM]
All 1 bedroom, 1 bath
[8:52 AM]
Sucks
katocean. â 04/05/2024 10:19 AM
Oh wow
[10:19 AM]
What kind of jobs do you do?
[10:19 AM]
What does your daughter do for work? Did you finish college with a degree or nah?
[10:24 AM]
How do you bring in any income, if you don't mind me asking? Are you on like disability?
[10:25 AM]
Like surveys?
katocean. â 04/05/2024 10:27 AM
Ahhh okay just curious
[10:27 AM]
You gotta get on that and get that money
[10:33 AM]
My favorite up and coming person right now is HonestAv
[10:33 AM]
https://open.spotify.com/album/11ZfrqRpeCnGBAbJ8e50kH?si=E9lWAq4mTTibq7p9Yo25EA
[10:33 AM]
I relate to his songs so much
katocean. â 04/05/2024 10:34 AM
Nah but his songs and lyrics are so relatable
[10:40 AM]
Ha. Im conservative. No more thirst traps.
katocean. â 04/05/2024 11:01 AM
Aweee thats nice of her for something so simple
[11:01 AM]
My ex is my age
katocean. â 04/05/2024 4:32 PM
Awee sorry to hear about your gmas cat, hope its ok!!
katocean. â 04/05/2024 7:08 PM
Ha
[7:09 PM]
I put in a few more inquiries. I do have a back up plan for May though.
katocean. â 04/05/2024 7:20 PM
HOT
[7:20 PM]
hahahahah
April 6, 2024
ThaBiGGDoGG â 04/06/2024 3:34 PM
Not sure what I did that made you upset. I wish you lots of luck with what you are dealing with. I'm always here if you wanna talk.
submitted by ThaBiGGDoGG to u/ThaBiGGDoGG [link] [comments]
katocean. â 04/02/2024 6:15 PM
I have a few contacts now via twitter.
[6:16 PM]
I just love people who are all about saying fuck the establishment. To a degree.
[6:16 PM]
Wow!
[6:17 PM]
I got one that is banned permanently. Then a throw away one. And then my main one im vocal on
katocean. â 04/02/2024 6:23 PM
Oh YOU ARE BLUE BALLS SECURITY?!?!
[6:23 PM]
Lmaooooo
[6:24 PM]
[6:25 PM]
Damn there alll out early today. Now Jess is live
[6:26 PM]
Absolutely!
katocean. â 04/02/2024 6:34 PM
Awee shucks, well its been a nice distraction
[6:34 PM]
Who do you think is your favorite streamer of the Squirrels to watch?
katocean. â 04/02/2024 6:45 PM
It was. A long but fun day
[6:47 PM]
But my stupid ex made me go out the night before and up till like 3AM. I was pissed.
[6:48 PM]
So I just rolled out of bed at like 1230-1 and uber down
[6:48 PM]
No make up or anything and threw comfys on and dipped
[6:48 PM]
Well thank you. I was a hot mess express
[6:49 PM]
5'7
katocean. â 04/02/2024 6:52 PM
katocean. â 04/02/2024 7:05 PM
Big plans for tonight?
[7:12 PM]
Watching the streamers! I just made it on Jess' poster! Shes putting all our names on her poster
katocean. â 04/02/2024 7:28 PM
STOPPPP
[7:29 PM]
Where was that???
[7:29 PM]
Aweee shucks stopppp
[7:32 PM]
Danks
[7:34 PM]
Did DOA say he was coming back?
katocean. â 04/02/2024 7:36 PM
Ahhh okay. Ill just stick on Jess' live for now
[7:40 PM]
Why??
[7:42 PM]
I try and not to be a rude person. I like engaging in conversations with people
katocean. â 04/02/2024 7:44 PM
Your boy just went live
[7:48 PM]
Ill head over cause jess is just writing names on her poster lol
[7:48 PM]
Shoot streets is live
[7:48 PM]
And yellin at the 5-0
[7:48 PM]
Gotta watch that
katocean. â 04/02/2024 7:59 PM
Wow
[7:59 PM]
UNDER CONTROL
katocean. â 04/02/2024 8:15 PM
Nah.
[8:15 PM]
I dont have much of an appetite
[8:16 PM]
But Chris' chipotle does look good but Im always disappointed when I get it. Plus Im saving every nickel and dime I have right now. So deff not ordering out or anything for a while.
[8:19 PM]
What do you know how to make besides pizza?!?!
[8:19 PM]
Lol
[8:21 PM]
Meatloaf
[8:21 PM]
Spaghetti good
[8:21 PM]
Chicken long as its well done lol
katocean. â 04/02/2024 8:22 PM
Hahaha im picky and get weird food adversions. I like everything fully cooked and well done
katocean. â 04/02/2024 8:47 PM
Ruhhh rooh!
[8:49 PM]
Its just starting to sleet / snow over here
[8:49 PM]
And my dog wont stop bothering me to go out. Im like ANNA PUP HUSH YOU DONT NEED TO POTTY EVERY HR
1
April 3, 2024
katocean. â 04/03/2024 7:38 AM
Sorry I fell asleep so early last night
[7:40 AM]
Thank you! Just woke up, its deff snowing but not much yet
[7:41 AM]
Yay for April! And snow! You never know what youre gonna get in the midwest
katocean. â 04/03/2024 7:47 AM
No I applied for an apartment yesterday so hoping to hear back today... applying for another one today. Thats about it. Im temp staying in Wisconsin at my moms. Trying to return to work next week
[7:47 AM]
How about you??
[7:52 AM]
We both live such exciting lives right now
katocean. â 04/03/2024 7:55 AM
How? My life is so messed up right now. I cant wait to get back to normalcy soon. Back in my own place, working, my daily routine etc
[7:57 AM]
[7:57 AM]
katocean. â 04/03/2024 8:12 AM
Whose that?
katocean. â 04/03/2024 8:24 AM
Ewww
[8:24 AM]
Omg
[8:24 AM]
Lord
[8:24 AM]
Stop
[8:24 AM]
Wtf
[8:24 AM]
I look like a night crawler
[8:31 AM]
Gah idk what you're definition of beautiful is but that is NOT it
katocean. â 04/03/2024 8:33 AM
Wtfff lmao. That girl was NOT PLAYIN WITH YA
katocean. â 04/03/2024 8:53 AM
Boy you and your pizza I like plain cheese but a GOOD and mean has to be good, bacon, chicken, bbq hits every once in a while
katocean. â 04/03/2024 9:15 AM
Ewww
[9:15 AM]
No
[9:15 AM]
I dont even like hot dogs.
katocean. â 04/03/2024 9:24 AM
Apple duh
[9:24 AM]
You're probably an android weirdo
[9:24 AM]
K bye
[9:30 AM]
katocean. â 04/03/2024 9:58 AM
I dont really drink pop but If I do it has to be coke. I used to like pepsi then I went to Europe and they only had coke... so then bam I made the switch ever since
katocean. â 04/03/2024 11:07 AM
Mmm I guess horror. I prefer documentaries, war movies especially about WW2, Drama, biographical movies, etc
[11:08 AM]
I'm more of a serious person with a purpose
katocean. â 04/03/2024 2:22 PM
Im just annoyed AF
[2:23 PM]
The application process for these two places are driving me up the fucking wall
[2:23 PM]
Its easier to buy a fucking gun then it is to apply for an apartment
[2:23 PM]
And im just beyond livid right now
[2:23 PM]
All I want to do is cry
katocean. â 04/03/2024 3:05 PM
Do you have a million dollars you can send me? That would be helpful, okay Ill take 100k... i wont be greedy
[3:05 PM]
Thank you
[3:06 PM]
I want to go home so badly. I want nothing to do with my ex. I dont even want to see him but I want to be back in my "home" until I have somewhere of my own again
[3:06 PM]
I hate that all my stuff is still there, that im at my moms
katocean. â 04/03/2024 3:31 PM
You have a better mind set then me
katocean. â 04/03/2024 3:38 PM
Karma works too slow for me
[3:38 PM]
And never seems to happen
[3:40 PM]
Damn lol
[3:40 PM]
Or did YOU break it?!?! Lmao
katocean. â 04/03/2024 3:50 PM
Oh lord I dont want to get into politics. But I am NOT a Trumper. I will say that. I'm a pretty liberal activists and wouldnt be a social worker if I wasnt. But I will say, from a fiscal standpoint I am more conservative as I got older & on my own. And I do recognize that we do better as an economy usually when a republican is president. But thats all Im gonna say about that
[3:52 PM]
Oh god I know. I wish we didnt have to go through these two bafoons again. I want new fresh faces, younger faces with progressive ideas. But I pretty much hate both sides at this moment in time and govt in general
katocean. â 04/03/2024 3:57 PM
Agree
[3:58 PM]
Im about to be in therapy for the next hr so my lack of responses will be why
katocean. â 04/03/2024 6:04 PM
I know I just sped through his stream and caught up. Im worried they are keeping his phones and computer and fur coat. Cause the officer is like "for further investigation"
katocean. â 04/03/2024 6:26 PM
Just relaxing. Contemplating if Im going to eat dinner or not.
katocean. â 04/03/2024 6:44 PM
No way sir
[6:44 PM]
Im in a depression funk
[6:46 PM]
I can give you my instagram if you want
[6:46 PM]
But deff no selfies right now
katocean. â 04/03/2024 6:52 PM
You can find it idk how to link it
[6:52 PM]
Still have all my pictures with my ex tho
[6:52 PM]
Just havent felt like deleting yet
[6:53 PM]
Also please if you see him tagged dont message him or anything. Even if you think thats being helpful.
katocean. â 04/03/2024 7:06 PM
No bueno
katocean. â 04/03/2024 7:20 PM
No bueno = No good
katocean. â 04/03/2024 8:38 PM
Thank you
April 4, 2024
katocean. â 04/04/2024 9:12 AM
Morning, thank you. You as well
katocean. â 04/04/2024 11:54 AM
Go to St. Louis Scientology Squirrel right now
[11:54 AM]
Shes in the St louis org
[11:54 AM]
Under cover live
[11:54 AM]
Recording
[11:54 AM]
But keep it on the DL. We dont want to many people knowing
[11:55 AM]
On YY
[11:55 AM]
Yt**
[11:55 AM]
katocean. â 04/04/2024 12:06 PM
No but it was great. Cant wait for the full replay to be posted
katocean. â 04/04/2024 12:14 PM
My mom informed me she had the book back in the 70s and her & her first husband read it. And thought it was "interesting"... I'm like omg... I could have became a sciento! Thank god it was just a dabble into the book and nothing more
katocean. â 04/04/2024 12:22 PM
Oh god
[12:22 PM]
Probably one I hate
[12:22 PM]
Oh and to answer your question earlier... yes, I want to move to the PNW badly. Thats my dream
[12:22 PM]
[12:25 PM]
Pshhh i know why its your favorite picture... creepy old men lol
[12:25 PM]
But I did post it as a thirst trap sorta bahahaha
[12:25 PM]
I've lost nearly 80lbs this last year
[12:26 PM]
I always was skinny but the last 5-6 years I put sooo much weight on. I got up to 210 and now down to like 130
[12:27 PM]
Which is great. But id love for other parts of my life to fall in place so i can just be happy overall
[12:27 PM]
Do you try and work out? Or anything?
[12:27 PM]
Maybe LESS pizza XXXXX! Lol
[12:27 PM]
Jk
[12:28 PM]
Have you talked with your doctor on getting on like Wegovy or Ozempic? Do you have insurance?
[12:28 PM]
It was a life saver for me
[12:28 PM]
Yeah fool. I found ur fb too. XXXXX XXXXX
[12:28 PM]
[12:29 PM]
I gotta know who im randomly talking to
katocean. â 04/04/2024 12:29 PM
But you have nothing besides memes and rando pictures that i can see and emoji bits or whatever lmao
[12:30 PM]
Get yourself on like Tinder or Bumble or Ok Cupid or somethin!
[12:30 PM]
But you deff have to have pictures
[12:31 PM]
I dont know. Im not in any place to give dating advice. I cant even fathom doing that at all right now. Im just ready to be single and build myself back up.
[12:31 PM]
Sheesh
[12:31 PM]
Im sorry
katocean. â 04/04/2024 12:37 PM
What do you think the issue is? Like not placing blame on you or anything... but when you do a deep dive into yourself what issues or things do you think makes it hard for a women to want to pursue anything further with you?
katocean. â 04/04/2024 12:53 PM
The snap chat thing is a little creepy IMO
[12:53 PM]
So Im not surprised you arent getting much traction from that
[12:53 PM]
Yeah not having a car is a huge hinderance
katocean. â 04/04/2024 1:11 PM
No. My mom does alll the time. Shes actually watching it right now lmao. I find them cheesy AF. Ha. One of my ex's & cousin are extras in those show allll the time
katocean. â 04/04/2024 1:22 PM
Only medical show I can watch is Greys Anatomy. And its because Ive been watching it since I was 16... and just cant give it up. 19 almost 20 years now.
[1:22 PM]
And I was and like "oh god this would never happen IRL" lmao
[1:23 PM]
Its the story lines for me of the characters. Not necessarily the medical aspects and patients.
katocean. â 04/04/2024 1:31 PM
I dont watch the Good doctor. I watched like 2 episodes when it first came out and I couldnt get past his insane autistic melt downs
[1:31 PM]
Lmao Im an asshole
[1:32 PM]
Cute what?
[1:34 PM]
Lets see how fast Sciento dad blocks me
katocean. â 04/04/2024 1:41 PM
Oh fuck me
[1:42 PM]
Probably Kathy hopefully
[1:42 PM]
And not Kathleen lol
katocean. â 04/04/2024 2:07 PM
No
[2:07 PM]
Lol
katocean. â 04/04/2024 2:31 PM
Lol!
[2:31 PM]
Me and Scientology twitter back at it right now
[2:31 PM]
[2:31 PM]
I love the attempting gaslighting
[2:33 PM]
Hahaha i love toying with these little fuckers
katocean. â 04/04/2024 2:48 PM
katocean. â 04/04/2024 3:18 PM
No thank you
[3:18 PM]
Maybe 5-10 years ago
katocean. â 04/04/2024 7:19 PM
Hey I took a really long afternoon nap just woke up
[7:20 PM]
Lol
katocean. â 04/04/2024 7:28 PM
Probably like a deep purple
katocean. â 04/04/2024 7:38 PM
Yeah pretty close
katocean. â 04/04/2024 9:30 PM
No
[9:30 PM]
Lol
[9:30 PM]
Sorry
April 5, 2024
katocean. â 04/05/2024 8:31 AM
Sleeping, Ive been going to sleep early these days by like 9-10 ish or so
[8:32 AM]
Honestly, right now, I wake up wait for the day to go by just so I can go to sleep
[8:32 AM]
Im contemplating on returning to work next Tuesday
[8:37 AM]
I wish
katocean. â 04/05/2024 8:52 AM
Basically between 1,300-1,400 fml
[8:52 AM]
All 1 bedroom, 1 bath
[8:52 AM]
Sucks
katocean. â 04/05/2024 10:19 AM
Oh wow
[10:19 AM]
What kind of jobs do you do?
[10:19 AM]
What does your daughter do for work? Did you finish college with a degree or nah?
[10:24 AM]
How do you bring in any income, if you don't mind me asking? Are you on like disability?
[10:25 AM]
Like surveys?
katocean. â 04/05/2024 10:27 AM
Ahhh okay just curious
[10:27 AM]
You gotta get on that and get that money
[10:33 AM]
My favorite up and coming person right now is HonestAv
[10:33 AM]
https://open.spotify.com/album/11ZfrqRpeCnGBAbJ8e50kH?si=E9lWAq4mTTibq7p9Yo25EA
[10:33 AM]
I relate to his songs so much
katocean. â 04/05/2024 10:34 AM
Nah but his songs and lyrics are so relatable
[10:40 AM]
Ha. Im conservative. No more thirst traps.
katocean. â 04/05/2024 11:01 AM
Aweee thats nice of her for something so simple
[11:01 AM]
My ex is my age
katocean. â 04/05/2024 4:32 PM
Awee sorry to hear about your gmas cat, hope its ok!!
katocean. â 04/05/2024 7:08 PM
Ha
[7:09 PM]
I put in a few more inquiries. I do have a back up plan for May though.
katocean. â 04/05/2024 7:20 PM
HOT
[7:20 PM]
hahahahah
April 6, 2024
ThaBiGGDoGG â 04/06/2024 3:34 PM
Not sure what I did that made you upset. I wish you lots of luck with what you are dealing with. I'm always here if you wanna talk.
2024.05.13 23:37 WhereDoIGoFromHere28 I (19F) donât know how to go about fixing my relationship with my mom (50F). Can someone please give me advice?
I feel like the ball started rolling around two years ago when my parents got divorced, but itâs really started to go downhill with my mom in the last several months when I got my new puppy, Den.
But Iâm gonna go back in time a little. Around August of 2022, I got a pup named Tobi who was found by my cousin abandoned on the side of the road. I was still in school at the time and was sent a message from my mom asking if I wanted him. To which I immediately said yes because I didnât have a pet at her place and thought having a dog would be nice. My mom and my little sis already had themselves each a cat and I had a dog, Sparky, down at my dadâs. So I got Tobi and cared for him every week I was there at my moms (Me and my sis swapped houses every week).
Well, in November of that same year I broke both my wrists and was unable to do basically anything for myself. Including caring for Tobi, leaving my mom to feed and water him and she eventually kicked him outside and turned him into an outside dog, where he stayed put on a lead attached to a post in the ground. Well, some months after that, Tobi was showing signs of mange and on my 18th birthday in the beginning of 2023, my sister said that mom was planning on putting Tobi down. It was very out of nowhere, no warning, no waiting for it to be the next day. Just âletâs spoil my birthday by letting me know my pup was going to be dead soonâ. I obviously began bawling my eyes out and didnât receive any comfort. Then weeks later while coming back from my dadâs, Tobi was gone and my mom refused to tell me about what had happened to him.
Well after a couple months of getting used to not having Tobi around, I began to try and hint to my mom about getting a cat. Was basically begging for it, anything to fill the small hole left in my heart. I said that I would take care of the cat, care for it now that I could with my wrists being healed, only for my sis to say âCare for it like you did Tobi?â Which made me cry again, it was embarrassing since my cousin and his gf was over, they left right after I started crying. My mom looked at my sister and asked why she said that, to which my sister began to cry and said that she had no idea why she said it and ran into her room. I was left in the living room, crying and rather than comforting me my mom comforted my sis instead. It felt like my mom didnât even care about me.
Then in June of 2023, I lost Sparky and that utterly destroyed me. I had Sparky for over 13 years, we were best friends and stuck together by the hip. I lost so much weight, became depressed, and just began to close myself off from everyone. I often cried at night and still do. By this time, I had graduated from highschool and was now waiting for the right time to get my license, this meant staying at both houses alone while my parents worked at my sister went to school. It was so lonely. My mom had the two cats but theyâre cats and didnât really care much for affection when all I wanted was someone I could hug and love, someone like Sparky.
So in September of that same year, my dad told me how one his buddies dogs had accidentally got pregnant and they were giving away the pups and asked me and my sister if we wanted one, we obviously said yes. We ended up with three. One for me, one for my sister, and one for my dad. My dad gave away his soon after we had gotten them, not able to juggle the responsibility of a pup along with work. My sister was still in school at the time and I was left caring for two pups at my dadâs while my sister continued to swap between houses every week. I still hadnât gotten my license, didnât have a job, and was now taking care of two pups by myself. It was stressful, but it helped distract my mind from losing Sparky.
When the pups turned 7 months, my sister took hers up to moms. I thought that weâd go back to switching houses every week, like before but no⊠instead, my sis stayed up at moms for over 2 months before she gave away her pup and my mom put her foot down saying no more dogs.
This was a huge roadblock for me. I missed my mom, wanted to see her, but had my own pup now that I refused to give away. Den made me happy after all that had happened to year before and helped me heal. I tried to come up with solutions for having Den come up there with me whether that be an electric fence or me keeping Den inside and only letting him outside to use the bathroom. But all my suggestions were turned down and my mom remained firm on her decision. And even though my sister tells me âMom is always talking about how she misses youâ it doesnât really feel like it.
I finally got my license and went up there to my cousin (who lives right down the road from my mom) and brought Den with me. I let my mom know if be over at my cousinâs and Den would be there if she wanted to say hi and see me and so I could also give her a card I made for Motherâs Day. Things just felt awkward and I felt more out of place than I ever had before.
I love my mom, but it feels like Iâm a third wheel anytime Iâm up there. And for those wondering, yes my dad has offered to watch Den for me while I go up there for a weekend or day, but once Iâm up there I get to missing Den badly and nearly called my dad to pick me up the last time I was at my moms since I missed Den something awful.
If anyone has advice for what I could do, Itâd be greatly appreciated and feel free to ask questions. Also Iâm sorry for any spelling mistakes, I cried a little while typing this out lol.
submitted by WhereDoIGoFromHere28 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
But Iâm gonna go back in time a little. Around August of 2022, I got a pup named Tobi who was found by my cousin abandoned on the side of the road. I was still in school at the time and was sent a message from my mom asking if I wanted him. To which I immediately said yes because I didnât have a pet at her place and thought having a dog would be nice. My mom and my little sis already had themselves each a cat and I had a dog, Sparky, down at my dadâs. So I got Tobi and cared for him every week I was there at my moms (Me and my sis swapped houses every week).
Well, in November of that same year I broke both my wrists and was unable to do basically anything for myself. Including caring for Tobi, leaving my mom to feed and water him and she eventually kicked him outside and turned him into an outside dog, where he stayed put on a lead attached to a post in the ground. Well, some months after that, Tobi was showing signs of mange and on my 18th birthday in the beginning of 2023, my sister said that mom was planning on putting Tobi down. It was very out of nowhere, no warning, no waiting for it to be the next day. Just âletâs spoil my birthday by letting me know my pup was going to be dead soonâ. I obviously began bawling my eyes out and didnât receive any comfort. Then weeks later while coming back from my dadâs, Tobi was gone and my mom refused to tell me about what had happened to him.
Well after a couple months of getting used to not having Tobi around, I began to try and hint to my mom about getting a cat. Was basically begging for it, anything to fill the small hole left in my heart. I said that I would take care of the cat, care for it now that I could with my wrists being healed, only for my sis to say âCare for it like you did Tobi?â Which made me cry again, it was embarrassing since my cousin and his gf was over, they left right after I started crying. My mom looked at my sister and asked why she said that, to which my sister began to cry and said that she had no idea why she said it and ran into her room. I was left in the living room, crying and rather than comforting me my mom comforted my sis instead. It felt like my mom didnât even care about me.
Then in June of 2023, I lost Sparky and that utterly destroyed me. I had Sparky for over 13 years, we were best friends and stuck together by the hip. I lost so much weight, became depressed, and just began to close myself off from everyone. I often cried at night and still do. By this time, I had graduated from highschool and was now waiting for the right time to get my license, this meant staying at both houses alone while my parents worked at my sister went to school. It was so lonely. My mom had the two cats but theyâre cats and didnât really care much for affection when all I wanted was someone I could hug and love, someone like Sparky.
So in September of that same year, my dad told me how one his buddies dogs had accidentally got pregnant and they were giving away the pups and asked me and my sister if we wanted one, we obviously said yes. We ended up with three. One for me, one for my sister, and one for my dad. My dad gave away his soon after we had gotten them, not able to juggle the responsibility of a pup along with work. My sister was still in school at the time and I was left caring for two pups at my dadâs while my sister continued to swap between houses every week. I still hadnât gotten my license, didnât have a job, and was now taking care of two pups by myself. It was stressful, but it helped distract my mind from losing Sparky.
When the pups turned 7 months, my sister took hers up to moms. I thought that weâd go back to switching houses every week, like before but no⊠instead, my sis stayed up at moms for over 2 months before she gave away her pup and my mom put her foot down saying no more dogs.
This was a huge roadblock for me. I missed my mom, wanted to see her, but had my own pup now that I refused to give away. Den made me happy after all that had happened to year before and helped me heal. I tried to come up with solutions for having Den come up there with me whether that be an electric fence or me keeping Den inside and only letting him outside to use the bathroom. But all my suggestions were turned down and my mom remained firm on her decision. And even though my sister tells me âMom is always talking about how she misses youâ it doesnât really feel like it.
I finally got my license and went up there to my cousin (who lives right down the road from my mom) and brought Den with me. I let my mom know if be over at my cousinâs and Den would be there if she wanted to say hi and see me and so I could also give her a card I made for Motherâs Day. Things just felt awkward and I felt more out of place than I ever had before.
I love my mom, but it feels like Iâm a third wheel anytime Iâm up there. And for those wondering, yes my dad has offered to watch Den for me while I go up there for a weekend or day, but once Iâm up there I get to missing Den badly and nearly called my dad to pick me up the last time I was at my moms since I missed Den something awful.
If anyone has advice for what I could do, Itâd be greatly appreciated and feel free to ask questions. Also Iâm sorry for any spelling mistakes, I cried a little while typing this out lol.
2024.05.13 23:36 Loud-Possible6136 Looking for advice on how to help my Granny *long post*
Iâm looking for advice on my Granny (76) - she currently lives at home with my Grandad, just beside me. I see them both every day.
She was completely independent - doing all her cooking, shopping, housework, still driving, managing her own money etc.
We started noticing a bit of a decline around 2020, just general forgetfulness although we put this down to age. During lockdown my Granny was very fearful and shut herself away. She used to do shopping for a few of her friends, however lockdown put a stop to this and they died in 2020. I feel like she lost a big part of her purpose in life when she lost them.
In 2021, I began to worry about her repeating stories and questions. Part of my thought it was because she only saw a few people through the week so didnât have any news, but I was too scared to tell my Mam. She was still completely independent and managing okay.
She had a stroke in July 2023 and was in hospital for 3 weeks afterwards. During this time her brother (77) also had a stroke and her brother in law was killed in a RTA on the same day. We never told her any of this at the time - we genuinely didnât know what the best thing to do was.
We told her about her brother in law towards the end of the 3 weeks and she took it as well as we could have expected. She was obviously upset but was very reasonable about it - thinking how upset we all would be.
My Mam told her about her brotherâs stroke on the car journey home from the hospital. He was still in hospital and ended up being in for just under 5 months. He was a very active guy, always helping others, always on the go and went from that to being in a wheelchair.
I remember when my Granny got home I felt like they had replaced her with someone. I never got a hello, a hug anything when she got out of the car, she just stuck her head down. For the next few weeks we were genuinely worried she was depressed. She was hardly eating, tired, very very out of sorts. She has gotten better but her short term memory is now very poor. She gave up her car, but my grandad still drives so he rakes her into the shops.
She has been scammed on her bank card for hundreds of pounds recently (we have power of attorney) so the card was shut down. The problem we are having is that she is getting upset because she canât manage things she used to be able to do. It is so hard to see someone you love so much.
I also worry that she isnât eating enough, she has lost a lot of the motivation she had with cooking and often cooks just for my Grandad. He also is critical of her cooking and she has lost weight. I go over every night and she will often be eating yoghurts for dinner.
My Grandad is very short tempered with her (she told my Mam the other day that she had threatened to leave him if he didnât stop being so grumpy) after almost 58 years years of marriage this is very difficult to hear. He doesnât manage their money at all and gets angry at my Granny when she gets scammed. She had been buying things from Facebook adverts that were from foreign companies because she doesnât realise they arenât legitimate.
It is hard for my Grandad. To see someone that you have loved and been with for the vast majority of your life change like this must be horrible, but he gets angry with her for forgetting things. She canât help it. He helps her with things like making pans of soup by cutting all the veg, something he would never have done a year ago.
I am looking for ideas on things to do with my Granny - she needs a purpose in her life and I really want to help. She doesnât have much motivation but I am willing to try anything. Before this she loved and was a brilliant cook and gardener. I donât want her to feel like I am a burden to her or that I am forcing her to do things but I am looking for things that will give her a sense of purpose and motivation back.
If you have made it this far - thank you! This is posted anonymously because I just need to vent. Dementia really is the cruelest of diseases and Iâm sending everyone on this sub love.
submitted by Loud-Possible6136 to dementia [link] [comments]
She was completely independent - doing all her cooking, shopping, housework, still driving, managing her own money etc.
We started noticing a bit of a decline around 2020, just general forgetfulness although we put this down to age. During lockdown my Granny was very fearful and shut herself away. She used to do shopping for a few of her friends, however lockdown put a stop to this and they died in 2020. I feel like she lost a big part of her purpose in life when she lost them.
In 2021, I began to worry about her repeating stories and questions. Part of my thought it was because she only saw a few people through the week so didnât have any news, but I was too scared to tell my Mam. She was still completely independent and managing okay.
She had a stroke in July 2023 and was in hospital for 3 weeks afterwards. During this time her brother (77) also had a stroke and her brother in law was killed in a RTA on the same day. We never told her any of this at the time - we genuinely didnât know what the best thing to do was.
We told her about her brother in law towards the end of the 3 weeks and she took it as well as we could have expected. She was obviously upset but was very reasonable about it - thinking how upset we all would be.
My Mam told her about her brotherâs stroke on the car journey home from the hospital. He was still in hospital and ended up being in for just under 5 months. He was a very active guy, always helping others, always on the go and went from that to being in a wheelchair.
I remember when my Granny got home I felt like they had replaced her with someone. I never got a hello, a hug anything when she got out of the car, she just stuck her head down. For the next few weeks we were genuinely worried she was depressed. She was hardly eating, tired, very very out of sorts. She has gotten better but her short term memory is now very poor. She gave up her car, but my grandad still drives so he rakes her into the shops.
She has been scammed on her bank card for hundreds of pounds recently (we have power of attorney) so the card was shut down. The problem we are having is that she is getting upset because she canât manage things she used to be able to do. It is so hard to see someone you love so much.
I also worry that she isnât eating enough, she has lost a lot of the motivation she had with cooking and often cooks just for my Grandad. He also is critical of her cooking and she has lost weight. I go over every night and she will often be eating yoghurts for dinner.
My Grandad is very short tempered with her (she told my Mam the other day that she had threatened to leave him if he didnât stop being so grumpy) after almost 58 years years of marriage this is very difficult to hear. He doesnât manage their money at all and gets angry at my Granny when she gets scammed. She had been buying things from Facebook adverts that were from foreign companies because she doesnât realise they arenât legitimate.
It is hard for my Grandad. To see someone that you have loved and been with for the vast majority of your life change like this must be horrible, but he gets angry with her for forgetting things. She canât help it. He helps her with things like making pans of soup by cutting all the veg, something he would never have done a year ago.
I am looking for ideas on things to do with my Granny - she needs a purpose in her life and I really want to help. She doesnât have much motivation but I am willing to try anything. Before this she loved and was a brilliant cook and gardener. I donât want her to feel like I am a burden to her or that I am forcing her to do things but I am looking for things that will give her a sense of purpose and motivation back.
If you have made it this far - thank you! This is posted anonymously because I just need to vent. Dementia really is the cruelest of diseases and Iâm sending everyone on this sub love.
2024.05.13 23:34 In_Yellow_Clad Stubbornness and Spite
I remember that day as though it were only yesterday. My species, the rulers of a vast and mighty interstellar empire, had discovered a primitive species tucked away in a remote corner of our galaxy. Naturally, we were excited to discover them, for a new species on the galactic stage could potentially bring with them many exciting new developments to keep us all entertained for a few millennia.
Our survey ships, vessels of unparalleled stealth and subtlety, flocked to the single star system with its four gas giants, a boon for any developing species, and set up shop in orbit of their homeworld. We were all so eager to see what works of wondrous art and civility they had created, and instead we watched as a planet spanning war erupted. Entire nations were consumed, millions died within the first few weeks and we were left horrified by what we saw.
Yet by our own rules we were powerless to intervene, if it was their destiny to eradicate themselves, then that is what would happen. We expected this war to end in nuclear annihilation, for we had detected vast nuclear arsenals the moment we entered orbit of that glittering blue jewel in the dark.
Yet no such cataclysm came, instead, one by one tensions cooled, warriors dropped their primitive slug throwers and went home, seeking the comfort and peace of familiar and safe surroundings. A new government was formed, a unifying body that kept the peace for the next five hundred years to the best of its ability. Yet even then conflict still raged in the far flung places of the world, and we were left to wonderâŠ
What would happen when they leave their world?
The question terrified us to such a degree that when it became clear they were making concerted efforts to leave their world and venture out into the stars, we panicked. A species as violent towards itself as they are would surely take one look at the galaxy and its many peoples and attempt to see them struck down. Some amongst the ruling body were of the mind that such a primitive and savage species was little more than animals that deserved to be put down.
Unfortunately, they were the most influential faction of our esteemed government. So when the vote was passed for the extermination of the species, the most the rest of us could try was to make it as quick and painless a death as possible. To be kind. But yet again, the most powerful of us decided that wasnât good enough. They said that such savagery be met in kind, and so a terrible weapon was developed.
Fear and an overinflated sense of superiority drove us towards our ultimate shame.
The Affliction was released upon their homeworld, and any intrasolar outposts that we found were subsequently wiped from existence with lightning fast attacks from weapons of mass destruction. The affliction targeted everything from birth rates to skin growth, causing patches of necrosis to form externally and internally, all while heightening nerve responses. Our leaders wanted them to suffer for their savagery. While the powerful patted themselves on the back for their valiant defense of the galaxy from a potential threat, the rest of us were left to worry, to ponder our failings and hope against hope that we could be forgiven for our ineffectual protests against this course of action.
Another five hundred years passed and the galaxy forgot all about the now extinct species, focusing instead on their own problems and several other primitive races we had discovered. But something had not forgotten us, something had lurked in the darkness and waited till the perfect moment to strike.
At first the only knowledge we had of this entity was the brief contacts our sensor nets had with some strange anomaly. We shrugged it off as little more than a mere glitch, yet over time some of us began to see a pattern as the contacts began to linger for longer periods of time before vanishing.
It was far too late to do anything, as we would soon discover, as our outer colonies came under sudden attack from an unknown enemy. An unstoppable force that seemed to sweep over our defenses with ease. Yet we received no reports of the world being razed, instead the enemy was content to occupy the world and move on, keeping the civilian populace calm and cooperative.
Of course that didnât mean we wouldnât fight them, just because they were being civil towards our civilians didnât make them any less our enemy. And so we mobilized, preparing our defenses as best we could and attempting to deny the enemy strategic resources as well. But as we soon learned, our forces were outmatched even in space.
I remember when I first saw them, having been assigned to a defense post on the planet Dingalea. A tropical resort world, with vast oceans and many pristine beaches. It was a tactically unsound planet to invade, yet this foe was clearly interested in all our worlds, not just the strategically important ones. We figured it was meant to force us to commit the bulk of our forces to liberation efforts, spreading our armies and fleets thin in an attempt to reclaim every planet.
I had taken position in a bunker on a cliff overlooking one of the more popular beaches when we heard a booming sound from the sky. Our eyes turned heavensward, and I beheld what appeared to be spears of metal rain from above. They crashed down into the oceans many yektra (miles) away, yet so massive they were that we all could easily see the detailing upon their exteriors.
From where I was stationed I could only see four of them, but as I would learn later, four was all they would need for the coming battle upon our beach. Granted we had set up defensive positions further inland, but the enemy seemed content to land out at sea which led us to assume that they were mostly aquatic based. How wrong we were.
An aperture opened wide upon each of the spears and from them water based vehicles emerged, elongated and rectangular in form, bouncing over the waves as they fanned out and made for shore. We watched and waited, my gripping hands clutching all the more firmly at my plasma pulse rifle. Heavy emplacements warmed up with a whine of charging power packs, the large turrets turning to face our foe. New vehicles joined the first models, these ones clearly armored assault vehicles of a type that was unfamiliar to us, as so much about our enemy was at the time. They kept a staggered and wide formation with the other vehicles, even as air superiority fighter craft started to fill the sky. I felt something twist in my thorax, a pit of fear threatening to swallow me whole.
As I lowered my eye to the scope of my rifle, I watched as the ring around its edge shifted from red to purple, indicating my target was in firing range. The call to open fire rang out from the fortifications around me and all twelve of the hells was visited upon our foe. Plasma and beams of energy lanced out from our lines, boiling the waters and leaving burn marks upon the metal hulls that approached. Artillery began to pound, hoping to inflict more destructive results upon the invaders.
They succeeded in scoring direct hits on a few of the craft, sending burning wreckage to the bottom of the sea, but the rest simply continued on, unfazed by the death and destruction around them.
The craft reached the beach and ramps descended and what we saw made us shiver in instinctual fear. They were tall, bipedal and heavily armored. What flesh we could spot from this distance was unnaturally white, they had no hair and no features upon their heads either. Yet they sported different body shapes, perhaps indicative of sex? It didnât mattered, they were the enemy and they needed to be destroyed. Our weapons seemed to do very little to their armor, but any hits to exposed flesh did massive amounts of damage, sending the beings falling or flying into the water and sand, pale blue blood pouring from their wounds.
Then they started to fire back, their rounds werenât energy based, purely kinetic and yet with the speeds they were flying they were clearly being launched by some sort of rail system. The rounds would strike and bury deep before exploding, heat and shrapnel working their deadly trade. Yet the enemy seemed more intent on forcing us to take cover than actually killing us, as became clear as they took cover in craters and behind resort walls. Then the armored vehicles made it to shore and they became the focus of our efforts. Their booming cannons and spitting rotary guns threatened to destroy bunkers and crew weapons alike. Even the aircraft swooped down to strike at us, dropping bombs and firing their dogfighting weapons as well before climbing back into the sky.
For every ten of the infantry or vehicles we destroyed, another thirty was soon behind them. So focused on simply surviving were we that we almost didnât notice the newest threat. This one walked out of the sea itself, hulking armored forms that were bipedal like the infantry but not showing a single kepti (centimeters) of flesh. These behemoths strode slowly, ponderously across the beach, waving hands at the entrenched beings who would stand and form up with their larger kin. Almost immediately the incoming fire became more intense and precise, causing us to take cover far too often.
The order to pull back to the next line was given and we did so, just as the first of the behemoths burst through a barricade, the angular helmet it wore turning back and forth quickly. It did moved unnervingly fast, but not fast enough to dodge a shot from an anti-vehicle weapon. It staggered backwards, the shot burning through metal and flesh along one side of the helmet. Yet it did not go down, instead a clawed hand rose and grasped what remained of the melting armor and tore it free, revealing a face thatâll haunt me till my dying day.
It was a face of pale flesh, black fur atop their head and around their mouth and jaw. That mouth was twisted into an angry snarl, the one remaining eye burning a cold blue. Yet it was what was on the other side of their face that haunts me. Flesh had burned down to bone, yet there was no bone to be seen, just gleaming chrome. It leered at me, silver teeth clicking as it worked that jaw and began to advance.
Hours later, the planet was theirs. I suppose they wanted to show us that even in a fair fight we were horribly outclassed. That was a few weeks ago now I believe, theyâve just taken the homeworld and are preparing some sort of galaxy wide broadcast. I wonder what theyâll have to say about all this, will they condemn us all to death for one reason or another?
The screen flickers, the normal view of our governmental building coming into focus as one of these horrible monsters steps up to a podium, our leaders cowering behind them.
âPeople of the Milky Way. We are humanity, a species that knew not what awaited them outside the bounds of their home system. We were hopeful that when we ventured out into the black that we could have found friendship, instead we were nearly murdered in our cradle. Your leaders sentenced us to death out of fear, sentenced millions of children, both born and unborn to agonizing deaths. Your fear led you down a path of atrocities you were all too eager to visit upon a people that couldnât defend themselves.â The human spoke, their voice rich and booming, met with a deafening silence by audiences on every planet.
âYou thought us eradicated, all traces of our existence mere dust on the wind. But you failed. For you see we are a stubborn species and we are also spiteful, spite encourages adaptation. And adapt we did, for five hundred years we suffered your manufactured plague, till it became little more than a reminder of who we were to hate. Yet while many amongst us do hate you and with good reason, we are not here today to visit the same horrors upon your peoples. Instead, you will suffer the authority of another. Our authority. For the next five hundred years you will work to make amends for all you have done and when that time is up, we shall leave you be. For we are not the monsters you thought we were, nor are we the monsters you inadvertently tried to make us. We are humanity, and we will show your people a new and better way.â
The feed shut off and I could only sit back and sigh, resting my head upon the pillow of my hospital bed, as more of these humans surrounded me and began to treat my wounds. I was left to wonder about the future. I wondered at what humanity could show us over the next five hundred years.
And so I closed my eyes, and dreamt of the future.
submitted by In_Yellow_Clad to HFY [link] [comments]
Our survey ships, vessels of unparalleled stealth and subtlety, flocked to the single star system with its four gas giants, a boon for any developing species, and set up shop in orbit of their homeworld. We were all so eager to see what works of wondrous art and civility they had created, and instead we watched as a planet spanning war erupted. Entire nations were consumed, millions died within the first few weeks and we were left horrified by what we saw.
Yet by our own rules we were powerless to intervene, if it was their destiny to eradicate themselves, then that is what would happen. We expected this war to end in nuclear annihilation, for we had detected vast nuclear arsenals the moment we entered orbit of that glittering blue jewel in the dark.
Yet no such cataclysm came, instead, one by one tensions cooled, warriors dropped their primitive slug throwers and went home, seeking the comfort and peace of familiar and safe surroundings. A new government was formed, a unifying body that kept the peace for the next five hundred years to the best of its ability. Yet even then conflict still raged in the far flung places of the world, and we were left to wonderâŠ
What would happen when they leave their world?
The question terrified us to such a degree that when it became clear they were making concerted efforts to leave their world and venture out into the stars, we panicked. A species as violent towards itself as they are would surely take one look at the galaxy and its many peoples and attempt to see them struck down. Some amongst the ruling body were of the mind that such a primitive and savage species was little more than animals that deserved to be put down.
Unfortunately, they were the most influential faction of our esteemed government. So when the vote was passed for the extermination of the species, the most the rest of us could try was to make it as quick and painless a death as possible. To be kind. But yet again, the most powerful of us decided that wasnât good enough. They said that such savagery be met in kind, and so a terrible weapon was developed.
Fear and an overinflated sense of superiority drove us towards our ultimate shame.
The Affliction was released upon their homeworld, and any intrasolar outposts that we found were subsequently wiped from existence with lightning fast attacks from weapons of mass destruction. The affliction targeted everything from birth rates to skin growth, causing patches of necrosis to form externally and internally, all while heightening nerve responses. Our leaders wanted them to suffer for their savagery. While the powerful patted themselves on the back for their valiant defense of the galaxy from a potential threat, the rest of us were left to worry, to ponder our failings and hope against hope that we could be forgiven for our ineffectual protests against this course of action.
Another five hundred years passed and the galaxy forgot all about the now extinct species, focusing instead on their own problems and several other primitive races we had discovered. But something had not forgotten us, something had lurked in the darkness and waited till the perfect moment to strike.
At first the only knowledge we had of this entity was the brief contacts our sensor nets had with some strange anomaly. We shrugged it off as little more than a mere glitch, yet over time some of us began to see a pattern as the contacts began to linger for longer periods of time before vanishing.
It was far too late to do anything, as we would soon discover, as our outer colonies came under sudden attack from an unknown enemy. An unstoppable force that seemed to sweep over our defenses with ease. Yet we received no reports of the world being razed, instead the enemy was content to occupy the world and move on, keeping the civilian populace calm and cooperative.
Of course that didnât mean we wouldnât fight them, just because they were being civil towards our civilians didnât make them any less our enemy. And so we mobilized, preparing our defenses as best we could and attempting to deny the enemy strategic resources as well. But as we soon learned, our forces were outmatched even in space.
I remember when I first saw them, having been assigned to a defense post on the planet Dingalea. A tropical resort world, with vast oceans and many pristine beaches. It was a tactically unsound planet to invade, yet this foe was clearly interested in all our worlds, not just the strategically important ones. We figured it was meant to force us to commit the bulk of our forces to liberation efforts, spreading our armies and fleets thin in an attempt to reclaim every planet.
I had taken position in a bunker on a cliff overlooking one of the more popular beaches when we heard a booming sound from the sky. Our eyes turned heavensward, and I beheld what appeared to be spears of metal rain from above. They crashed down into the oceans many yektra (miles) away, yet so massive they were that we all could easily see the detailing upon their exteriors.
From where I was stationed I could only see four of them, but as I would learn later, four was all they would need for the coming battle upon our beach. Granted we had set up defensive positions further inland, but the enemy seemed content to land out at sea which led us to assume that they were mostly aquatic based. How wrong we were.
An aperture opened wide upon each of the spears and from them water based vehicles emerged, elongated and rectangular in form, bouncing over the waves as they fanned out and made for shore. We watched and waited, my gripping hands clutching all the more firmly at my plasma pulse rifle. Heavy emplacements warmed up with a whine of charging power packs, the large turrets turning to face our foe. New vehicles joined the first models, these ones clearly armored assault vehicles of a type that was unfamiliar to us, as so much about our enemy was at the time. They kept a staggered and wide formation with the other vehicles, even as air superiority fighter craft started to fill the sky. I felt something twist in my thorax, a pit of fear threatening to swallow me whole.
As I lowered my eye to the scope of my rifle, I watched as the ring around its edge shifted from red to purple, indicating my target was in firing range. The call to open fire rang out from the fortifications around me and all twelve of the hells was visited upon our foe. Plasma and beams of energy lanced out from our lines, boiling the waters and leaving burn marks upon the metal hulls that approached. Artillery began to pound, hoping to inflict more destructive results upon the invaders.
They succeeded in scoring direct hits on a few of the craft, sending burning wreckage to the bottom of the sea, but the rest simply continued on, unfazed by the death and destruction around them.
The craft reached the beach and ramps descended and what we saw made us shiver in instinctual fear. They were tall, bipedal and heavily armored. What flesh we could spot from this distance was unnaturally white, they had no hair and no features upon their heads either. Yet they sported different body shapes, perhaps indicative of sex? It didnât mattered, they were the enemy and they needed to be destroyed. Our weapons seemed to do very little to their armor, but any hits to exposed flesh did massive amounts of damage, sending the beings falling or flying into the water and sand, pale blue blood pouring from their wounds.
Then they started to fire back, their rounds werenât energy based, purely kinetic and yet with the speeds they were flying they were clearly being launched by some sort of rail system. The rounds would strike and bury deep before exploding, heat and shrapnel working their deadly trade. Yet the enemy seemed more intent on forcing us to take cover than actually killing us, as became clear as they took cover in craters and behind resort walls. Then the armored vehicles made it to shore and they became the focus of our efforts. Their booming cannons and spitting rotary guns threatened to destroy bunkers and crew weapons alike. Even the aircraft swooped down to strike at us, dropping bombs and firing their dogfighting weapons as well before climbing back into the sky.
For every ten of the infantry or vehicles we destroyed, another thirty was soon behind them. So focused on simply surviving were we that we almost didnât notice the newest threat. This one walked out of the sea itself, hulking armored forms that were bipedal like the infantry but not showing a single kepti (centimeters) of flesh. These behemoths strode slowly, ponderously across the beach, waving hands at the entrenched beings who would stand and form up with their larger kin. Almost immediately the incoming fire became more intense and precise, causing us to take cover far too often.
The order to pull back to the next line was given and we did so, just as the first of the behemoths burst through a barricade, the angular helmet it wore turning back and forth quickly. It did moved unnervingly fast, but not fast enough to dodge a shot from an anti-vehicle weapon. It staggered backwards, the shot burning through metal and flesh along one side of the helmet. Yet it did not go down, instead a clawed hand rose and grasped what remained of the melting armor and tore it free, revealing a face thatâll haunt me till my dying day.
It was a face of pale flesh, black fur atop their head and around their mouth and jaw. That mouth was twisted into an angry snarl, the one remaining eye burning a cold blue. Yet it was what was on the other side of their face that haunts me. Flesh had burned down to bone, yet there was no bone to be seen, just gleaming chrome. It leered at me, silver teeth clicking as it worked that jaw and began to advance.
Hours later, the planet was theirs. I suppose they wanted to show us that even in a fair fight we were horribly outclassed. That was a few weeks ago now I believe, theyâve just taken the homeworld and are preparing some sort of galaxy wide broadcast. I wonder what theyâll have to say about all this, will they condemn us all to death for one reason or another?
The screen flickers, the normal view of our governmental building coming into focus as one of these horrible monsters steps up to a podium, our leaders cowering behind them.
âPeople of the Milky Way. We are humanity, a species that knew not what awaited them outside the bounds of their home system. We were hopeful that when we ventured out into the black that we could have found friendship, instead we were nearly murdered in our cradle. Your leaders sentenced us to death out of fear, sentenced millions of children, both born and unborn to agonizing deaths. Your fear led you down a path of atrocities you were all too eager to visit upon a people that couldnât defend themselves.â The human spoke, their voice rich and booming, met with a deafening silence by audiences on every planet.
âYou thought us eradicated, all traces of our existence mere dust on the wind. But you failed. For you see we are a stubborn species and we are also spiteful, spite encourages adaptation. And adapt we did, for five hundred years we suffered your manufactured plague, till it became little more than a reminder of who we were to hate. Yet while many amongst us do hate you and with good reason, we are not here today to visit the same horrors upon your peoples. Instead, you will suffer the authority of another. Our authority. For the next five hundred years you will work to make amends for all you have done and when that time is up, we shall leave you be. For we are not the monsters you thought we were, nor are we the monsters you inadvertently tried to make us. We are humanity, and we will show your people a new and better way.â
The feed shut off and I could only sit back and sigh, resting my head upon the pillow of my hospital bed, as more of these humans surrounded me and began to treat my wounds. I was left to wonder about the future. I wondered at what humanity could show us over the next five hundred years.
And so I closed my eyes, and dreamt of the future.
2024.05.13 23:31 jayseejewel How the Polyamory could have been handled differently
[Obvious spoilers for character romances, relationships, and a few character arcs. I don't recommend reading this post unless you've beaten the game.]
Iâll start off with the most obvious disclaimer: this post is not here to critique polyamory itself or its inclusion in the game. Iâm all for adding the option to games (and BG3 as well) as long as itâs done respectfully and in a way that can make both monogamous and polyamorous players comfortable. This post will discuss what the game could have done better, why the characters they chose to make poly were poorly thought out, and what characters should have (hypothetically) been chosen instead. (The suggestions of who SHOULD have been chosen would give poly players MORE options, rather than less, while also maintaining character consistency and helping mono people feel comfortable too).
These suggestions are, of course, my own opinion coupled with a lot of threads I read all over the internet from three groups: monogamous players, poly players who liked what BG3 did, and poly players who felt it was handled poorly/felt uncomfortable with it. I myself didnât care to go through the poly routes in the game but after I read some youtube comments on the Halsin topic, I got fully invested in the discussion and dove through youtube, reddit, and Larian threads to hear everyoneâs opinions. As a monogamous person myself, it was interesting to hear thoughts from the poly players about what they felt uncomfortable with and how things should have been written instead. As a result, this thread is less my own thoughts and more a compilation of all the ideas/suggestions I saw people come up with.
The goal of this post is not to hate on the developers or people from either side of the debate, but to find a middle ground the developers could have used that would make both monogamous people and polyamorous people happy. The current game did appeal to some poly players, but it left a lot of other ones dissatisfied, and when half of your target audience is feeling skeptical about how you handled something, itâs good to take notice (and even though itâs too late for any changes to be made, itâs fun to talk about the hypotheticals and suggest what pitfalls could be avoided when developing future games).
This post will be formatted like so: (yes, I know itâs long but after having all the discussions and debates run through my head for a few days, itâs nice to get them all written down and out of my brain)
Part 1. IMPORTANT FACTORS THAT NEED TO BE CONSIDERED WHEN ADDING POLY RELATIONSHIPS TO YOUR GAME (particularly when monogamous relationships are also part of the game). Most of these will be things other people have said, some of which I never even considered until they brought it up.
- Communication with the players
- Consent (particularly âenthusiastic consentâ)
- Lying, pressure, and coercion
- Character backstories and potential trauma
So, if youâve written a poly character into your game, you need to let the players know. Once the topic of romance/sex is brought up, have that character confidently state their thoughts and expectations about it. This way mono players can go, âOh, this type of relationship isnât for me. Iâll try to romance someone else.â Meanwhile poly players can say, âThis is what Iâm looking for.â This way, neither party has to google which characters are or arenât poly and risk spoiling important plot points for themselves. Likewise, if a character is monogamous, writers should do the same thing.
Two great poly examples are Act 1 Laezel and Dragon Ageâs Zevran. As soon as the topic of relationships is brought up, they explain their stance on sex, relationships, expectations, and possible reasons for why they think the way they do. Itâs done in a fairly natural manner and fits their character.
Of course, what makes this more difficult is a character like Astarion, whose entire personality is largely an act until he opens up in Act 2. This does make communication with the player harder, but an easy solution is: once he opens up about his true feelings, have him restate what he truly wants in a relationship. (Even thatâs difficult for someone like him, who doesnât know what he wants, but weâre looking at this from a hypothetical developerâs standpoint, not what we currently have.) Having him (subtly) express his expectations here leaves room for players to again say, âOh, thatâs not what Iâm looking for. Letâs stay friends.â The devs should then leave some romance options open in Act 2 so players can reevaluate and choose someone else without getting locked out. (Again, this is obviously impossible to fix now. This should have been thought through in early development).
Consent (particularly enthusiastic consent)
One of the biggest issues I saw being brought up from poly players was the topic of consent, especially what they repeatedly prioritized: enthusiastic consent. The ideal response theyâre looking for when talking to their partner is that their lover is wholly on board with the arrangement, comfortable expressing their true feelings, and doesnât feel pressured to agree when they really donât want to deep down. Out of the three BG3 poly options, only one of them (Shadowheart) had poly players feeling comfortable with her reaction to âopening upâ the relationship with Halsin (and even then, there were disagreements).
I canât get too far into this discussion without bringing up my next point, so Iâll skip to it.
Lying, pressure, and coercion
This is the part that initially piqued my interest when reading that first youtube comment section. Many of the comments were poly people saying, âIf my partner reacted to the Halsin arrangement the way Karlach and Astarion did, I would not go through with it.â Coupled with that were poly players saying, âI was hoping for enthusiastic consent and ethical poly. I was disappointed to find neither.â There were a lot of people disappointed with how the poly was written. One person even recommended it to their poly friends, then walked the recommendation back when they finished the game and felt the writers handled it carelessly.
Lots of people, both monogamous and poly, had their doubts about Karlach and Astarionâs reactions. Were they fully comfortable with the poly relationship or were they just saying what their lover wanted to hear? Were they scared of appearing weak and controlling so they pushed their own wishes down? Karlach literally says sheâs not fine with it but will tolerate it because she loves you. Astarionâs true thoughts are more uncertain because he has a history of lying to make people happy and struggles with boundaries. I saw many people on the fence about both of them.
Now, in real life, there can obviously be nuance. You can spend hours discussing poly with your partner and checking in with them throughout the relationship to make sure theyâre still on board. Some people may genuinely be fine with it but sound nervous at first. Others may NOT be fine with it and lie to avoid being abandoned.
The issue is that weâre addressing a video game where you CANâT check in with your partner regularly and you only get 1 minute to gauge their reaction. That, coupled with their backstories and how the characters were written up to that point, is bound to make a lot of people (mono and poly) raise an eyebrow or feel uneasy.
While one can argue that leaving the poly relationships open ended/up to interpretation is an artistic choice or an attempt to add realism to the game, at the end of the day, youâre making a lot more people uncomfortable than you need to. There were plenty of poly players who just wanted to see healthy poly relationships with enthusiastic consent, and thatâs it. They didnât want to ask themselves if this was the right decision or if they were making their lover feel worse deep down. Thatâs something to address in reality, not fantasy. If the developers wanted to welcome poly players in, they should have done so in a way that makes them feel comfortable/satisfied.
This point will lead into WHO I think should have been poly instead but thatâs for a little later in the post.
Character backstories and potential trauma
This is largely referring to Astarion but applies to Shadowheart and Karlach as well: If you are going to give characters a lot of layers, insecurities, fears, and trauma, you need to handle their relationships carefully. Not only are you building a character, but youâre letting players see their own traits reflected back at them. When it comes to abuse (physical or sexual), I personally think itâs important to consider player reactions to certain aspects of the game (especially those who have experienced abuse in their own lives).
I think Astarionâs sexual abuse and overcoming of trauma was well written (and a lot of people who experienced similar situations agreed). However, once the developers added poly into his story, I witnessed two prominent reactions from players:
- People defending it, saying that they were fine with poly relationships in their own lives despite going through abusive relationships (which is completely fine and valid).
- People who had the opposite experience, where they lied and said they were fine with poly to please their partners, then felt miserable throughout the relationships. (This is also fine and valid.) These players (even some who went through with the poly relationship in the game) came out feeling uncomfortable and reminded of their pasts.
The ambiguity the developers went for just made this whole situation worse, as it led to arguments and disagreements in the community, with some people insisting the brothel scene helps Astarion heal, while many believed it had the opposite effect. The same arguments were made regarding the Halsin relationship.
Again, thereâs nothing wrong with writing a story and sticking to it regardless of how uncomfortable it makes people feel, but in this case, there were so many other options besides Astarion you could have chosen. I think in the long run, itâs better to leave his character away from poly to avoid making lots of people (including SA victims) uneasy when itâs an optional feature anyway. (No one would have complained if he said a simple âthatâs not what Iâm looking forâ or âIâm not comfortable sharingâ and left it at that.)
(Iâll go more into more detail about Astarion, Karlach, and Shadowheart later, but will move on for now.)
As I was reading through everyoneâs complaints and critiques of the poly implementation, I took a moment to figure out which characters would fit it best. I took several factors into account.
You need a character who poly players are confident their yes means yes and no means no (meaning they need to be a generally honest and forthright person). Itâs not a good idea to have sexual trauma or a past of people pleasing/coercion because while not all SA victims are monogamous by any means, because itâs a video game and not real life, this opens the door to a lot of other issues and can leave poly players unsure if the characterâs past influenced their ability to say yes or no. This is especially relevant because the game only takes place over 4 months. Not only are the romantic relationships just beginning, but Karlach and Astarion literally killed their abusers a few days ago. The pain is still fresh and a lot of healing needs to be done. Itâs better to leave the sexual content away from them for now (and if poly players want to imagine the characters opening up the relationship later, they can. It just shouldnât happen in the current game.)
With those factors in mind, I started narrowing down the characters to figure out which ones would suit the criteria.
Ones that ARENâT a perfect fit:
Astarion: two hundred years of sexual abuse (which is a lot to recover from), he just regained his bodily autonomy, he is a habitual liar, he can be talked into doing things he hates and only protests after the deed is done, even after Cazador dies in Act 3 he will do things he doesnât want to in order to appease the player, killing oneâs abuser does not magically fix all the internal issues and insecurities, the list goes on.
Gale: His issues arenât as obvious or prominent but he also has a history of people pleasing and doing things he doesnât want to simply to make his partner happy (see Mystra and the brothel scene).
Karlach: While she is pretty chill about the brothel, the most prominent problem this game has is that sheâs literally dying. Even if she was open to poly, as someone pointed out, any loving partner would dedicate what little time they have left to focusing on her.
Shadowheart: This one has the most discussions around it because the writing is inconsistent. This is also the only romance I personally havenât gone through so I canât get into full details. However, what I have seen discussed is: brainwashing and memory wipes, being forced to be a âhoneypotâ against her will, she links her love of poly back to the cult that she spent the whole game trying to escape, her personality does a fairly sudden 180 when poly is brought up. This specific case is more of a âthe poly aspect makes the writing feel inconsistentâ but the issues of her cult and coercion are also very important.
That leads into characters who ARE a better fit (and bear in mind that this would require rewrites and other stuff that would have had to happen in earlier stages of development, though the tweaks would honestly be minimal):
Minthara: She may have insecurities about the Absolute and choosing her own path, but she is never insecure when dealing with romance. She knows what she wants and how to get it. While I adore her âlay a finger on them, and Iâll cut youâ dialogue in the brothel, no one would have been surprised if she was written as poly. It fits her character and if she says, âGo right on with Halsin,â we all know she means it. You could honestly take Ascended Astarionâs Halsin dialogue and paste it into hers instead. The âyou are mineâ line would make more sense for her than him.
Laezel: This is the most obvious one. She is not only confident in her relationships and sexual preferences, but she also comes from a poly society. Like Minthara, she knows what she wants and will refuse if she doesnât agree with something. Again, while I love her romance shifting from only wanting casual sex to becoming strictly monogamous, no one would have been surprised if she remained consistent throughout instead.
Halsin: He doesnât have a history of lying, he knows what he wants, and he is supposed to be one of the more mature members of the group. While I think his writing itself was handled poorly (I dedicate a whole section to that at the end), heâs still a fine option for poly. My only change would be that they make his preferences very obvious in Act 1 and or 2. I saw lots of Halsin fans being super disappointed when they found out he wasnât willing to be monogamous (and again, you donât learn this until sixty hours in, so youâve not only missed out on all the other romances but you canât just go back and remedy that easily). His talk about the drow kidnapping in the brothel is questionable but thatâs easy enough to omit (I saw a lot of people wondering why it was added at all. While Astarionâs trauma was carefully implemented, many felt Halsinâs was carelessly tacked on and almost fetishized.)
This final one is tricky. We know the developers wanted a male option but itâs hard when both Wyll and Gale are written as strictly monogamous. However, going by my criteria from before and therefore omitting Gale and Astarion for aforementioned issues, that leaves us only one option (and it makes sense the more I think about it).
Wyll: Like the other three, Wyll doesnât lie to spare peopleâs feelings. He knows what he wants, he accepts his decisions (even the Mizora one), and he is always down to have an open discussion about anything. The only thing holding him back from poly narratively is his nobility and wish to be traditional. Just like the others, I personally like this trait, but since weâre speaking in âwhat ifâsâ we can ignore that. Itâs easy enough to tweak his story to him being more open to try new things (especially because in most endings, he doesnât end up becoming a noble anyway). I did see a few people mention that making Wyll the poly option instead of Astarion would have made him more interesting and layered as well.
Of course, these implementations would have to be coupled with them being truthful/open about their poly traits from the beginning of the game, as mentioned before.
This lineup also fixes another problem people had: the current BG3 poly options completely cut off lesbians and straight men. Only bisexuals, straight women, or gay men can have a poly relationship in the game.
What I propose (or at least pretend to since no real changes will be made) is that Halsin and Minthara are the ones who suggest the poly thing (or more ideally, itâs a dialogue option for the PLAYER to choose, since many poly people said itâs weird to insert yourself into a couple rather than having the couple proposition you). This way the options can expand. You now have
Minthara and Laezel
Minthara and Wyll
Halsin and Laezel
Halsin and Wyll
I stumbled upon some threads in this rabbit hole where people were initially debating who they thought would be poly (before the game officially came out). The three most prominent answers were: Minthara, Laezel, and Astarion (though I should clarify that at this point, most players assumed Astarionâs hedonistic playboy persona was real and not an act). On the other hand, once the poly options were fully available and explored, most people were surprised (in a negative way) that Astarion, Shadowheart, and Karlach had been chosen. They felt that poly had been slapped on to sell more games, rather than carefully implemented to fit the story.
Now that Iâve established the alternative I believe should have happened, I can expand a little more on why what we got wasnât satisfactory. (Iâd like to add a note that I personally romanced Astarion the most, Karlach once, and Shadowheart never, so the evidence I go over will heavily lean to one side, unfortunately. There are other redditors who get into the Shadowheart debate in more detail than I could. I can link these below if anyone bothers to read this far and wants to see them.)
This is the most simple of the three. On the surface, I initially thought she would be a good idea for poly. She lets you sleep with the prostitutes in the brothel, sheâs pretty blatant about her wants and needs, sheâs touch starved, and she initially seems like sheâd be fine with Halsin.
But there are two issues:
One, in the Halsin proposition dialogue, she outright states that she isnât really cool with a poly relationship. (She says something along the lines of, âIâll have to chew on that for a while. Iâm not sure I want this right now and donât think I ever will.â) So sheâs very blatant in telling you that this isnât what she wants, but sheâll tolerate it because she loves you. Itâs easy to see why this would make poly people feel bad and wish for an alternative.
Now, this could be fixed by changing her dialogue to being super enthusiastic, but even if you did, you get problem two: She is dying. She has weeks left to live. You the player spend most of your day fighting enemies so you only have a few hours left to spend with your lover. No kind hearted partner, poly or otherwise, would waste those precious hours on a casual relationship with Halsin when they should be focusing entirely on Karlach. Halsin will still be around at the end of the game. To the playerâs knowledge, Karlach wonât.
If she wasnât dying, I would list her as a possible poly option. But because she only has a few weeks to live, she just canât be. Her existence as one of the three poly options was what cemented the theory (in my mind) that the developers chose the most popular romance options, rather than the ideal ones.
Shadowheart:
Again, this was the one that some skeptical poly people said felt the most right in terms of presentation. She is enthusiastic about Halsin and the twins, she participates, and if you were to pick the most likely to be cool with it, she wins.
However, there are still a lot of issues with this choice (in terms of backstory, insecurities, reasons for poly, and treatment of monogamous players). Again, please bear in mind that this is the one romance I myself didnât do so some facts may be off or vague.
Backstory: Her entire life up to this point has been erased. She was forced to do horrific things against her will (abusing her parents, being abused herself, torturing others, seducing people). She puts up a constant act of loving torture and being evil, but as you play through the game, you realize she doesnât actually like harming people and she seeks genuine connections and love despite claiming she doesnât. I didnât fully appreciate her until I did an evil Dark Urge run because while my psychotic monk, dictator Minthara, and Ascended Astarion were killing people left and right, she continued to disapprove of our evil actions despite âchoosingâ Shar in the end. To a lesser extent than Astarion, she does lie to the player about her wishes and intentions, which is one of the criteria I went into earlier.
Insecurities: I didnât see this myself but I read plenty of threads about how her confidence is also an act. She is one of the only characters to continually ask the player if their relationship is still ongoing and if theyâre happy with her. Her dialogue throughout the romance seems to be leading to her preferring monogamy and complete loyalty, so it feels out of character when she suddenly switches at the end of her arc. (Can real life people do this? Sure. Is it a very strange and sometimes off-putting writing choice? Yes, especially because there are very few hints (if any) of her being poly throughout the romance.) This also links into my âcommunicating that a character is poly to the playerâ problem from earlier.
Reasons for poly: This is what I personally had the most issue with. If you cheat on her with Mizora, she explains that sheâs fine with poly and/or open relationships and asks that you communicate with her first. Fine. No issues there. The problem arises when she explains WHY sheâs fine with open relationships. Itâs because Lady Shar encouraged it in the cult she grew up in. You know, the cult that abused her and brainwashed her for years. The one she spent the entire game trying to escape. She continually tries to distance herself from both Shar and the practices she encouraged. She expresses disgust in the Act 3 section when talking about how she had to torture and seduce people. She could choose to be poly for herself after the fact, but players are allowed to be a little concerned that her main reason for being poly is directly a result of her abusive goddessâs teachings.
Similar to Astarion, it is possible for someone in Shadowheartâs position to be poly in real life. Everyone is different and reacts to things differently. However, from a writer and developer standpoint, itâs better to just leave her monogamous and avoid all these pitfalls. As we saw, even with her enthusiastic consent to Halsin and the twins, her backstory and character arc up to that point still left people doubtful and uncomfortable. Again, since there are much better options for poly characters, why choose Shadowheart?
My final point for Shadowheart was about how it treated monogamous players. This personally irked me and I feel like it was the worst way to introduce poly because it actively antagonizes monogamous players and ruins the experience for them. (Thankfully Karlach and Astarionâs poly romances didnât seem to have this issue to such an obvious extent).
Iâll summarize what people experienced when romancing Shadowheart. In Act 3, Halsin asks you to start a poly relationship with Shadowheart. If you tell him, âNo, Iâm not interestedâ he says thatâs fine and will move on. No problem there. The issue arises if you keep him in your party. Despite you rejecting him, he will proceed to flirt with Shadowheart instead, which makes him seem pushy and creepy (which you donât want as a writer unless itâs intentional). This made things particularly uncomfortable for lesbian players, though I completely understand how it would make ANY monogamous player annoyed, regardless of gender or preference. What makes it worse is that Shadowheart will then flirt back with him. The game ignores any preferences or input from the player here and they canât respond to it. This bothered me, since the game up to that point seemed to at least respect the fact that mono players exist and want to have a romance that suits them.
But you could argue it was just a bug/forgetting to flag dialogue correctly. I could accept that, until you take both Shadowheart and Halsin to the brothel. Not only will Halsin invite himself in a third time after being rejected, but Shadowheart will say sheâs dreamed of having sex with him before the player can even accept or reject Halsinâs suggestion. Most people would rightfully get angry when their romantic partner mentions wanting to sleep with one of their friends. From a writerâs standpoint, this is just disrespectful to the playerâs choices and has zero reason to be this way. Iâm not sure how such a mistake was made and why it hasnât been rectified, but Iâm disappointed that they didnât at least lock that section behind the poly romance. Itâs a fine scene if you HAVE agreed to date Halsin, but the existence of poly relationships shouldnât completely ruin the experience for monogamous players. The writers should have tried to view these interactions from both perspectives, rather than simply one side or the other. And again, because the writers failed to communicate Shadowheartâs preferences early on, no one encountered this until they were three acts in and invested.
[There's a character limit so I'll have to do a part 2 to finish the Astarion points and discuss Halsin.]
submitted by jayseejewel to BaldursGate3 [link] [comments]
Iâll start off with the most obvious disclaimer: this post is not here to critique polyamory itself or its inclusion in the game. Iâm all for adding the option to games (and BG3 as well) as long as itâs done respectfully and in a way that can make both monogamous and polyamorous players comfortable. This post will discuss what the game could have done better, why the characters they chose to make poly were poorly thought out, and what characters should have (hypothetically) been chosen instead. (The suggestions of who SHOULD have been chosen would give poly players MORE options, rather than less, while also maintaining character consistency and helping mono people feel comfortable too).
These suggestions are, of course, my own opinion coupled with a lot of threads I read all over the internet from three groups: monogamous players, poly players who liked what BG3 did, and poly players who felt it was handled poorly/felt uncomfortable with it. I myself didnât care to go through the poly routes in the game but after I read some youtube comments on the Halsin topic, I got fully invested in the discussion and dove through youtube, reddit, and Larian threads to hear everyoneâs opinions. As a monogamous person myself, it was interesting to hear thoughts from the poly players about what they felt uncomfortable with and how things should have been written instead. As a result, this thread is less my own thoughts and more a compilation of all the ideas/suggestions I saw people come up with.
The goal of this post is not to hate on the developers or people from either side of the debate, but to find a middle ground the developers could have used that would make both monogamous people and polyamorous people happy. The current game did appeal to some poly players, but it left a lot of other ones dissatisfied, and when half of your target audience is feeling skeptical about how you handled something, itâs good to take notice (and even though itâs too late for any changes to be made, itâs fun to talk about the hypotheticals and suggest what pitfalls could be avoided when developing future games).
This post will be formatted like so: (yes, I know itâs long but after having all the discussions and debates run through my head for a few days, itâs nice to get them all written down and out of my brain)
- Important factors that should be considered when adding poly relationships to your game (in a way that makes at least the majority of your audience comfortable)
- Which characters should have been chosen to be poly instead of the ones we got (and why)
- Why the characters the developers chose to make poly werenât ideal
- Issues with how Halsin was presented
- This post isnât just focusing on the story and character motivations, but also on what makes the players feel at ease. You canât make everyone happy, obviously, but there were a lot of mistakes BG3 made that could have been easily solved (with suggestions from both sides). I want to see games where both monogamous players and poly players can find the romance options theyâre seeking without feeling ignored or pushed aside.
- While it is easy to say, âItâs just a videogame. We shouldnât worry about what the characters think because theyâre fictional,â I say both yes and no. While the feelings of the characters shouldnât be cared about (because theyâre not real), the writers clearly wanted each character to have their own backstory, morals, opinions, and fears. Iâd argue most of, if not all of the characters were written really well and in a realistic manner (as realistic as you can get with tadpoles in your brains and magical abilities). The writers WANTED us to take these characters seriously, as well as the portrayals of abuse that some of them represent, so itâs not surprising that lots of players analyze them. The fact that so many different people took the time to discuss the character romances and relationships is a testament to how well written the characters are. Itâs okay to say the poly interactions felt âout of characterâ and debate why.
Part 1. IMPORTANT FACTORS THAT NEED TO BE CONSIDERED WHEN ADDING POLY RELATIONSHIPS TO YOUR GAME (particularly when monogamous relationships are also part of the game). Most of these will be things other people have said, some of which I never even considered until they brought it up.
- Communication with the players
- Consent (particularly âenthusiastic consentâ)
- Lying, pressure, and coercion
- Character backstories and potential trauma
- Communication with the players
So, if youâve written a poly character into your game, you need to let the players know. Once the topic of romance/sex is brought up, have that character confidently state their thoughts and expectations about it. This way mono players can go, âOh, this type of relationship isnât for me. Iâll try to romance someone else.â Meanwhile poly players can say, âThis is what Iâm looking for.â This way, neither party has to google which characters are or arenât poly and risk spoiling important plot points for themselves. Likewise, if a character is monogamous, writers should do the same thing.
Two great poly examples are Act 1 Laezel and Dragon Ageâs Zevran. As soon as the topic of relationships is brought up, they explain their stance on sex, relationships, expectations, and possible reasons for why they think the way they do. Itâs done in a fairly natural manner and fits their character.
Of course, what makes this more difficult is a character like Astarion, whose entire personality is largely an act until he opens up in Act 2. This does make communication with the player harder, but an easy solution is: once he opens up about his true feelings, have him restate what he truly wants in a relationship. (Even thatâs difficult for someone like him, who doesnât know what he wants, but weâre looking at this from a hypothetical developerâs standpoint, not what we currently have.) Having him (subtly) express his expectations here leaves room for players to again say, âOh, thatâs not what Iâm looking for. Letâs stay friends.â The devs should then leave some romance options open in Act 2 so players can reevaluate and choose someone else without getting locked out. (Again, this is obviously impossible to fix now. This should have been thought through in early development).
Consent (particularly enthusiastic consent)
One of the biggest issues I saw being brought up from poly players was the topic of consent, especially what they repeatedly prioritized: enthusiastic consent. The ideal response theyâre looking for when talking to their partner is that their lover is wholly on board with the arrangement, comfortable expressing their true feelings, and doesnât feel pressured to agree when they really donât want to deep down. Out of the three BG3 poly options, only one of them (Shadowheart) had poly players feeling comfortable with her reaction to âopening upâ the relationship with Halsin (and even then, there were disagreements).
I canât get too far into this discussion without bringing up my next point, so Iâll skip to it.
Lying, pressure, and coercion
This is the part that initially piqued my interest when reading that first youtube comment section. Many of the comments were poly people saying, âIf my partner reacted to the Halsin arrangement the way Karlach and Astarion did, I would not go through with it.â Coupled with that were poly players saying, âI was hoping for enthusiastic consent and ethical poly. I was disappointed to find neither.â There were a lot of people disappointed with how the poly was written. One person even recommended it to their poly friends, then walked the recommendation back when they finished the game and felt the writers handled it carelessly.
Lots of people, both monogamous and poly, had their doubts about Karlach and Astarionâs reactions. Were they fully comfortable with the poly relationship or were they just saying what their lover wanted to hear? Were they scared of appearing weak and controlling so they pushed their own wishes down? Karlach literally says sheâs not fine with it but will tolerate it because she loves you. Astarionâs true thoughts are more uncertain because he has a history of lying to make people happy and struggles with boundaries. I saw many people on the fence about both of them.
Now, in real life, there can obviously be nuance. You can spend hours discussing poly with your partner and checking in with them throughout the relationship to make sure theyâre still on board. Some people may genuinely be fine with it but sound nervous at first. Others may NOT be fine with it and lie to avoid being abandoned.
The issue is that weâre addressing a video game where you CANâT check in with your partner regularly and you only get 1 minute to gauge their reaction. That, coupled with their backstories and how the characters were written up to that point, is bound to make a lot of people (mono and poly) raise an eyebrow or feel uneasy.
While one can argue that leaving the poly relationships open ended/up to interpretation is an artistic choice or an attempt to add realism to the game, at the end of the day, youâre making a lot more people uncomfortable than you need to. There were plenty of poly players who just wanted to see healthy poly relationships with enthusiastic consent, and thatâs it. They didnât want to ask themselves if this was the right decision or if they were making their lover feel worse deep down. Thatâs something to address in reality, not fantasy. If the developers wanted to welcome poly players in, they should have done so in a way that makes them feel comfortable/satisfied.
This point will lead into WHO I think should have been poly instead but thatâs for a little later in the post.
Character backstories and potential trauma
This is largely referring to Astarion but applies to Shadowheart and Karlach as well: If you are going to give characters a lot of layers, insecurities, fears, and trauma, you need to handle their relationships carefully. Not only are you building a character, but youâre letting players see their own traits reflected back at them. When it comes to abuse (physical or sexual), I personally think itâs important to consider player reactions to certain aspects of the game (especially those who have experienced abuse in their own lives).
I think Astarionâs sexual abuse and overcoming of trauma was well written (and a lot of people who experienced similar situations agreed). However, once the developers added poly into his story, I witnessed two prominent reactions from players:
- People defending it, saying that they were fine with poly relationships in their own lives despite going through abusive relationships (which is completely fine and valid).
- People who had the opposite experience, where they lied and said they were fine with poly to please their partners, then felt miserable throughout the relationships. (This is also fine and valid.) These players (even some who went through with the poly relationship in the game) came out feeling uncomfortable and reminded of their pasts.
The ambiguity the developers went for just made this whole situation worse, as it led to arguments and disagreements in the community, with some people insisting the brothel scene helps Astarion heal, while many believed it had the opposite effect. The same arguments were made regarding the Halsin relationship.
Again, thereâs nothing wrong with writing a story and sticking to it regardless of how uncomfortable it makes people feel, but in this case, there were so many other options besides Astarion you could have chosen. I think in the long run, itâs better to leave his character away from poly to avoid making lots of people (including SA victims) uneasy when itâs an optional feature anyway. (No one would have complained if he said a simple âthatâs not what Iâm looking forâ or âIâm not comfortable sharingâ and left it at that.)
(Iâll go more into more detail about Astarion, Karlach, and Shadowheart later, but will move on for now.)
- WHICH CHARACTERS SHOULD HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO BE POLY INSTEAD OF THE ONES WE GOT (AND WHY)
As I was reading through everyoneâs complaints and critiques of the poly implementation, I took a moment to figure out which characters would fit it best. I took several factors into account.
You need a character who poly players are confident their yes means yes and no means no (meaning they need to be a generally honest and forthright person). Itâs not a good idea to have sexual trauma or a past of people pleasing/coercion because while not all SA victims are monogamous by any means, because itâs a video game and not real life, this opens the door to a lot of other issues and can leave poly players unsure if the characterâs past influenced their ability to say yes or no. This is especially relevant because the game only takes place over 4 months. Not only are the romantic relationships just beginning, but Karlach and Astarion literally killed their abusers a few days ago. The pain is still fresh and a lot of healing needs to be done. Itâs better to leave the sexual content away from them for now (and if poly players want to imagine the characters opening up the relationship later, they can. It just shouldnât happen in the current game.)
With those factors in mind, I started narrowing down the characters to figure out which ones would suit the criteria.
Ones that ARENâT a perfect fit:
Astarion: two hundred years of sexual abuse (which is a lot to recover from), he just regained his bodily autonomy, he is a habitual liar, he can be talked into doing things he hates and only protests after the deed is done, even after Cazador dies in Act 3 he will do things he doesnât want to in order to appease the player, killing oneâs abuser does not magically fix all the internal issues and insecurities, the list goes on.
Gale: His issues arenât as obvious or prominent but he also has a history of people pleasing and doing things he doesnât want to simply to make his partner happy (see Mystra and the brothel scene).
Karlach: While she is pretty chill about the brothel, the most prominent problem this game has is that sheâs literally dying. Even if she was open to poly, as someone pointed out, any loving partner would dedicate what little time they have left to focusing on her.
Shadowheart: This one has the most discussions around it because the writing is inconsistent. This is also the only romance I personally havenât gone through so I canât get into full details. However, what I have seen discussed is: brainwashing and memory wipes, being forced to be a âhoneypotâ against her will, she links her love of poly back to the cult that she spent the whole game trying to escape, her personality does a fairly sudden 180 when poly is brought up. This specific case is more of a âthe poly aspect makes the writing feel inconsistentâ but the issues of her cult and coercion are also very important.
That leads into characters who ARE a better fit (and bear in mind that this would require rewrites and other stuff that would have had to happen in earlier stages of development, though the tweaks would honestly be minimal):
Minthara: She may have insecurities about the Absolute and choosing her own path, but she is never insecure when dealing with romance. She knows what she wants and how to get it. While I adore her âlay a finger on them, and Iâll cut youâ dialogue in the brothel, no one would have been surprised if she was written as poly. It fits her character and if she says, âGo right on with Halsin,â we all know she means it. You could honestly take Ascended Astarionâs Halsin dialogue and paste it into hers instead. The âyou are mineâ line would make more sense for her than him.
Laezel: This is the most obvious one. She is not only confident in her relationships and sexual preferences, but she also comes from a poly society. Like Minthara, she knows what she wants and will refuse if she doesnât agree with something. Again, while I love her romance shifting from only wanting casual sex to becoming strictly monogamous, no one would have been surprised if she remained consistent throughout instead.
Halsin: He doesnât have a history of lying, he knows what he wants, and he is supposed to be one of the more mature members of the group. While I think his writing itself was handled poorly (I dedicate a whole section to that at the end), heâs still a fine option for poly. My only change would be that they make his preferences very obvious in Act 1 and or 2. I saw lots of Halsin fans being super disappointed when they found out he wasnât willing to be monogamous (and again, you donât learn this until sixty hours in, so youâve not only missed out on all the other romances but you canât just go back and remedy that easily). His talk about the drow kidnapping in the brothel is questionable but thatâs easy enough to omit (I saw a lot of people wondering why it was added at all. While Astarionâs trauma was carefully implemented, many felt Halsinâs was carelessly tacked on and almost fetishized.)
This final one is tricky. We know the developers wanted a male option but itâs hard when both Wyll and Gale are written as strictly monogamous. However, going by my criteria from before and therefore omitting Gale and Astarion for aforementioned issues, that leaves us only one option (and it makes sense the more I think about it).
Wyll: Like the other three, Wyll doesnât lie to spare peopleâs feelings. He knows what he wants, he accepts his decisions (even the Mizora one), and he is always down to have an open discussion about anything. The only thing holding him back from poly narratively is his nobility and wish to be traditional. Just like the others, I personally like this trait, but since weâre speaking in âwhat ifâsâ we can ignore that. Itâs easy enough to tweak his story to him being more open to try new things (especially because in most endings, he doesnât end up becoming a noble anyway). I did see a few people mention that making Wyll the poly option instead of Astarion would have made him more interesting and layered as well.
Of course, these implementations would have to be coupled with them being truthful/open about their poly traits from the beginning of the game, as mentioned before.
This lineup also fixes another problem people had: the current BG3 poly options completely cut off lesbians and straight men. Only bisexuals, straight women, or gay men can have a poly relationship in the game.
What I propose (or at least pretend to since no real changes will be made) is that Halsin and Minthara are the ones who suggest the poly thing (or more ideally, itâs a dialogue option for the PLAYER to choose, since many poly people said itâs weird to insert yourself into a couple rather than having the couple proposition you). This way the options can expand. You now have
Minthara and Laezel
Minthara and Wyll
Halsin and Laezel
Halsin and Wyll
I stumbled upon some threads in this rabbit hole where people were initially debating who they thought would be poly (before the game officially came out). The three most prominent answers were: Minthara, Laezel, and Astarion (though I should clarify that at this point, most players assumed Astarionâs hedonistic playboy persona was real and not an act). On the other hand, once the poly options were fully available and explored, most people were surprised (in a negative way) that Astarion, Shadowheart, and Karlach had been chosen. They felt that poly had been slapped on to sell more games, rather than carefully implemented to fit the story.
Now that Iâve established the alternative I believe should have happened, I can expand a little more on why what we got wasnât satisfactory. (Iâd like to add a note that I personally romanced Astarion the most, Karlach once, and Shadowheart never, so the evidence I go over will heavily lean to one side, unfortunately. There are other redditors who get into the Shadowheart debate in more detail than I could. I can link these below if anyone bothers to read this far and wants to see them.)
- WHY THE CHARACTERS THE DEVELOPERS CHOSE TO MAKE POLY WERENâT IDEAL
This is the most simple of the three. On the surface, I initially thought she would be a good idea for poly. She lets you sleep with the prostitutes in the brothel, sheâs pretty blatant about her wants and needs, sheâs touch starved, and she initially seems like sheâd be fine with Halsin.
But there are two issues:
One, in the Halsin proposition dialogue, she outright states that she isnât really cool with a poly relationship. (She says something along the lines of, âIâll have to chew on that for a while. Iâm not sure I want this right now and donât think I ever will.â) So sheâs very blatant in telling you that this isnât what she wants, but sheâll tolerate it because she loves you. Itâs easy to see why this would make poly people feel bad and wish for an alternative.
Now, this could be fixed by changing her dialogue to being super enthusiastic, but even if you did, you get problem two: She is dying. She has weeks left to live. You the player spend most of your day fighting enemies so you only have a few hours left to spend with your lover. No kind hearted partner, poly or otherwise, would waste those precious hours on a casual relationship with Halsin when they should be focusing entirely on Karlach. Halsin will still be around at the end of the game. To the playerâs knowledge, Karlach wonât.
If she wasnât dying, I would list her as a possible poly option. But because she only has a few weeks to live, she just canât be. Her existence as one of the three poly options was what cemented the theory (in my mind) that the developers chose the most popular romance options, rather than the ideal ones.
Shadowheart:
Again, this was the one that some skeptical poly people said felt the most right in terms of presentation. She is enthusiastic about Halsin and the twins, she participates, and if you were to pick the most likely to be cool with it, she wins.
However, there are still a lot of issues with this choice (in terms of backstory, insecurities, reasons for poly, and treatment of monogamous players). Again, please bear in mind that this is the one romance I myself didnât do so some facts may be off or vague.
Backstory: Her entire life up to this point has been erased. She was forced to do horrific things against her will (abusing her parents, being abused herself, torturing others, seducing people). She puts up a constant act of loving torture and being evil, but as you play through the game, you realize she doesnât actually like harming people and she seeks genuine connections and love despite claiming she doesnât. I didnât fully appreciate her until I did an evil Dark Urge run because while my psychotic monk, dictator Minthara, and Ascended Astarion were killing people left and right, she continued to disapprove of our evil actions despite âchoosingâ Shar in the end. To a lesser extent than Astarion, she does lie to the player about her wishes and intentions, which is one of the criteria I went into earlier.
Insecurities: I didnât see this myself but I read plenty of threads about how her confidence is also an act. She is one of the only characters to continually ask the player if their relationship is still ongoing and if theyâre happy with her. Her dialogue throughout the romance seems to be leading to her preferring monogamy and complete loyalty, so it feels out of character when she suddenly switches at the end of her arc. (Can real life people do this? Sure. Is it a very strange and sometimes off-putting writing choice? Yes, especially because there are very few hints (if any) of her being poly throughout the romance.) This also links into my âcommunicating that a character is poly to the playerâ problem from earlier.
Reasons for poly: This is what I personally had the most issue with. If you cheat on her with Mizora, she explains that sheâs fine with poly and/or open relationships and asks that you communicate with her first. Fine. No issues there. The problem arises when she explains WHY sheâs fine with open relationships. Itâs because Lady Shar encouraged it in the cult she grew up in. You know, the cult that abused her and brainwashed her for years. The one she spent the entire game trying to escape. She continually tries to distance herself from both Shar and the practices she encouraged. She expresses disgust in the Act 3 section when talking about how she had to torture and seduce people. She could choose to be poly for herself after the fact, but players are allowed to be a little concerned that her main reason for being poly is directly a result of her abusive goddessâs teachings.
Similar to Astarion, it is possible for someone in Shadowheartâs position to be poly in real life. Everyone is different and reacts to things differently. However, from a writer and developer standpoint, itâs better to just leave her monogamous and avoid all these pitfalls. As we saw, even with her enthusiastic consent to Halsin and the twins, her backstory and character arc up to that point still left people doubtful and uncomfortable. Again, since there are much better options for poly characters, why choose Shadowheart?
My final point for Shadowheart was about how it treated monogamous players. This personally irked me and I feel like it was the worst way to introduce poly because it actively antagonizes monogamous players and ruins the experience for them. (Thankfully Karlach and Astarionâs poly romances didnât seem to have this issue to such an obvious extent).
Iâll summarize what people experienced when romancing Shadowheart. In Act 3, Halsin asks you to start a poly relationship with Shadowheart. If you tell him, âNo, Iâm not interestedâ he says thatâs fine and will move on. No problem there. The issue arises if you keep him in your party. Despite you rejecting him, he will proceed to flirt with Shadowheart instead, which makes him seem pushy and creepy (which you donât want as a writer unless itâs intentional). This made things particularly uncomfortable for lesbian players, though I completely understand how it would make ANY monogamous player annoyed, regardless of gender or preference. What makes it worse is that Shadowheart will then flirt back with him. The game ignores any preferences or input from the player here and they canât respond to it. This bothered me, since the game up to that point seemed to at least respect the fact that mono players exist and want to have a romance that suits them.
But you could argue it was just a bug/forgetting to flag dialogue correctly. I could accept that, until you take both Shadowheart and Halsin to the brothel. Not only will Halsin invite himself in a third time after being rejected, but Shadowheart will say sheâs dreamed of having sex with him before the player can even accept or reject Halsinâs suggestion. Most people would rightfully get angry when their romantic partner mentions wanting to sleep with one of their friends. From a writerâs standpoint, this is just disrespectful to the playerâs choices and has zero reason to be this way. Iâm not sure how such a mistake was made and why it hasnât been rectified, but Iâm disappointed that they didnât at least lock that section behind the poly romance. Itâs a fine scene if you HAVE agreed to date Halsin, but the existence of poly relationships shouldnât completely ruin the experience for monogamous players. The writers should have tried to view these interactions from both perspectives, rather than simply one side or the other. And again, because the writers failed to communicate Shadowheartâs preferences early on, no one encountered this until they were three acts in and invested.
[There's a character limit so I'll have to do a part 2 to finish the Astarion points and discuss Halsin.]
2024.05.13 23:29 ar_david_hh Yerevan: Clashes between protesters & drivers; BEVER's allies, Archbishop's plans \\ France & OSCE welcome delimitation \\ FM vs ex-FMs: Almaty \\ Yerevan's GIS maps, promenade, lights \\ EU Trade Commissioner & European standards in Armenia \\ Electric vehicle switch \\ CB on EVs and deflation
9-minute read.
PARIS: France stresses the importance of both sides confirming their commitment to the Almaty Protocol of 1991 and to mutual recognition of each otherâs territorial integrity as the core of this process, following the quadripartite meeting in Prague on 7 October 2022.
France calls to continue the delimitation of the border on the basis of the principles agreed in the declaration of April 19, 2024, and as an extension of the first demarcation work carried out on the ground. At the same time, it calls for continuing discussions with a view to signing a peace treaty between the two countries.
France welcomes the initiative of the Kazakh authorities to facilitate the holding of these talks.
France continues to work together with its partners to establish just and solid peace in the South Caucasus in accordance with international law. //
source, source, source, source,
BORG: The only way to ensure comprehensive and stable peace is through diplomacy. The steps made towards border delimitation between Armenia and Azerbaijan are the actions needed to reach peace. //
Pashinyan and Borg discussed the AM-OSCE cooperation and the peace talks.
BORG: The OSCE is committed to supporting stable peace, solving all conflicts in the OSCE area, and applying the organizationâs mandate to ensure regional peace and stability. //
source, source,
On Monday over 170 people were detained and released after blocking roads, including with the use of trash cans and hay. A red beret pushed a journalist out of his way while running up the stairs, sending him to the ground. Another journalist fainted during a clash between police and protesters. In the morning, Yandex Maps showed the traffic congestion in Yerevan at Level 5 on a scale of 1-10, a "usual workday".
In one instance, an angry driver got out of his car and pushed the trash can out of the street, while other cars proceeded to drive through the sparse group of protesters. Video.
ARF MP Garnik Danielyan, a co-organizer of the protest, engaged in a dispute with a driver. The angry driver told the MP to go "siktir", while the MP called him "chatlax". Video.
One protester suggested catching and "putting down" police officers one by one while they are alone, "because they feel good in large numbers." Video.
A psychotic incident was recorded between a protester and a bystandedriver who was presumably trying to open the road. The protester hit the man and called him "Nikol's trash". The police intervened to push the protesters out of the road.
During an encounter between a protester and one resident, the protester asked the latter if he was a Christian:
PROTESTER: ŐÖŐ«ŐœŐżŐžŐ¶Ő”ŐĄŐ Ő„Őœ
RESIDENT: ŐŐĄ
PROTESTER: ŐŐĄ ŐžÖ Ő°ŐĄŐŽÖ ŐĄÖŐĄ [suck my dick]
The resident pushes the protester, and the protester spits on him. Several people got off the buses and urged the protesters to leave or to "go protect the borders" instead. The red berets arrived within minutes and removed the trash cans and the small number of protesters from the road. video, video, video,
While the ARF has long been viewed as the voice of diaspora, other movements have emerged to challenge its dominance. The Armenian Movement of France has organized a change.org petition that calls to encourage Armenia's independence and Euro-Atlantic integration, to keep the church and state separate, and not take any destabilizing actions.
KHURSHUDYAN: They [ARF and protest organizers] are attempting to convince the diaspora to join them by influencing various organizations like the Lemkin Institute. It is strange that the Lemkin Institute released a statement accusing PM Pashinyan's Genocide statement of containing "victim blaming" only now, during these protests, several weeks after Pashinyan made that statement. It took a lot of effort for these forces to lobby and create the impression that the diaspora as a whole is on their side. //
The BEVER (Sasna Tsrer) party leaders said they are cooperating with the pro-Russian former regime parties but only on the issues of removing Pashinyan and stopping the border delimitation process.
BEVER (Ara Papyan): If Pashinyan resigns now and pro-Russian forces win the elections democratically, it will be the population's fault, not ours. // video
As you know from Sunday news digest, the pro-Russian forces and a group of ex-diplomats led by Kocharyan's Foreign Minister Vardan Oskanian, are against using the 1991 Almaty declaration as the basis for delimitation. Foreign Minister Mirzoyan was asked to comment on Monday.
MIRZOYAN: The Deputy PMs of Armenia and Azerbaijan, who are in charge of border commissions, have come to an agreement to launch the delimitation process taking into account the 1991 Almaty Declaration. This was welcomed by numerous states and international organizations. The foreign diplomats you mentioned are deserters who fled their duties while Armenia was under physical attack in 2021. I can no longer treat them seriously. That is the most civil language I can use toward them. In reality, by torpedoing the Almaty Declaration and the peace process based on Almaty, these ex-diplomats continue to torpedo the sovereignty, statehood, and territorial integrity of Armenia. In the best-case scenario, they do this without understanding, and in the worst-case scenario, they are following the orders of a foreign state. I don't have further comments. //
Archbishop Bagrat Galstanyan said they will not hold daily meetings at Republic Square anymore, and that smaller gatherings will be held near the St. Anna church every evening to wrap up the day and discuss future plans. Yesterday Arman Babajanyan revealed a meeting between church officials. On Monday, Archbishop Galstanyan confirmed that he indeed met Catholicos on Sunday. Galstanyan was asked whether he plans to "transfer" the "leadership" of the movement to political parties. He said he is open to that idea: "ÔčŐžŐČ ŐŁŐĄŐ¶, ŐŸŐ„ÖÖŐ¶Ő„Ő¶, ŐžŐŸ ÖŐĄŐ¶ŐŻŐĄŐ¶ŐžÖŐŽ Ő§:"
source, source, source, source, source, source, source, source, source, source, source, source, source,
source, source,
source,
They spoke about unfair business practices and how to combat them, online taxi service regulations, online casinos, discounting policies used by businesses, etc.
GEVORGYAN: Armenia is going through an important phase in terms of protecting the interests of consumers. Discussions are underway to align Armenia's consumer protection legislation with EU standards. It is necessary to use digital technologies and train skilled experts in this field.
source,
source, source,
source,
Last month the city replaced 8.6 kilometers of cables. The Mother Armenia statue and the Opera building will have new ŐŁŐ„ŐČŐĄÖŐŸŐ„ŐœŐżŐĄŐŻŐĄŐ¶ lighting.
source, source, video,
OFFICIAL: This is part of the digitization strategy. This unified GIS platform will collect information from the cadastre, transport, Active Citizen app, utility services, construction, etc., and make them accessible in one place. The visual data allow us to carry out analysis and make fact-based decisions.
For example, we created a cadastre GIS by using a satellite image as the base layer, then integrated it with the cadastre database. This map shows in detail the boundaries of properties, the purpose and status of each land plot, etc.
Another example is a map of air pollution, prior records, and analytical tools.
The GIS map for the Active Citizen app allows us to see the submissions and the completed work, their locations on the map, and how well the city responds to issues reported by citizens. You can filter the issues by category. For example, you can show only the reports about illegal dumping, click on the report and see the image shared by the citizen, then click to see the status and the outcome of city's response. The tools allow you to analyze the data and the performance rate.
Another map shows the 3D image of the city with its buildings and green areas. Here we can calculate the capacity of bus stops, etc. Drones can be used to create a very detailed digital 3D copy of specific buildings.
You can click on a land plot and it'll pull up the ownership information, the permit records, etc.
Connecting two dots shows you the altitude differences and other data that you can use, for example, during the installation of irrigation pipes.
This is less than 1% of its potential. We plan to train employees next week.
MAYOR AVINYAN: We should make some of this data public, like the air quality map or certain maps that did not require financial resources to create [ÖŐ±Ő«Őą ŐŐžŐŠ]. This is a revolutionary change in the municipality. We need to speed up the work with the use of digital tools.
video,
CB CHIEF: Our estimates show that EVs are 2x-3x more affordable compared to combustion engine vehicles, even if we factor in all the adjacent expenses. In Yerevan, we have [state] buildings with solar panels on roofs but [connecting them to EV chargers in the parking lot] will be very difficult because these are old and sometimes "historical" buildings. They also have problems with air conditioning, plumbing, etc. At the same time, we are trying to implement this solar panel project in the newer buildings, for example, in Dilijan, where we have EV chargers for service vehicles in the parking lots.
video,
CB CHIEF: During the discussions with our colleagues from IMF, regarding regional and global events, we agreed that countries develop when the inflation is low and manageable. It encourages investments. In this regard, the overall microeconomic stability and the fiscal policy of Armenia create a very good environment for this predictability. This is one of our "cards" in our relations with foreign entities.
During each CB session, we discuss several market and inflation scenarios. Under one scenario there is a risk of inflation becoming too high, while under other scenarios it could remain low. We are trying to find the most balanced option and thank God we have been able to continuously lower the [refinancing] rates, which helps the state. //
ÔžŐœŐż ŐŠŐ„ŐŻŐžÖÖŐžŐČŐ«Ő€ÖŐĄŐŽŐĄŐŸŐĄÖŐŻŐĄŐ”Ő«Ő¶ ÖŐĄŐČŐĄÖŐĄŐŻŐĄŐ¶ŐžÖŐ©Ő”ŐĄŐ¶ ŐźÖŐĄŐŁÖŐžÖŐŽ Ő¶Ő„ÖŐŻŐĄŐ”ŐĄÖŐŸŐžŐČ ŐœÖŐ„Ő¶ŐĄÖŐ¶Ő„ÖŐ« Ő°ŐĄŐŽŐĄŐ±ŐĄŐ”Ő¶ 2024 Ő©ŐŸŐĄŐŻŐĄŐ¶Ő« ŐŻŐĄÖŐłŐĄŐȘŐĄŐŽŐŻŐ„Őż Ő°ŐžÖŐ«ŐŠŐžŐ¶ŐžÖŐŽ ŐŁŐ¶ŐĄŐłŐš ŐŻŐșŐĄŐ°ŐșŐĄŐ¶ŐŸŐ« Ő¶ŐșŐĄŐżŐĄŐŻŐĄŐ”Ő«Ő¶ ÖŐžÖÖŐĄŐ¶Ő«Ő·Ő«Ö ÖŐĄŐźÖ ŐŽŐĄŐŻŐĄÖŐ€ŐĄŐŻŐžÖŐŽ` ŐżŐĄÖŐ„ŐŸŐ„ÖŐ»Ő«Ő¶ ŐĄŐ”Ő¶ ŐŻŐŻŐĄŐŠŐŽŐ« 1,3%-1,5%:
video, source,
submitted by ar_david_hh to armenia [link] [comments]
France welcomes the latest round of negotiations between foreign ministers of Armenia and Azerbaijan in Kazakhstan
FM Mirzoyan said the negotiations in Kazakhstan were held in a constructive environment and referred to the statement made after the meeting.PARIS: France stresses the importance of both sides confirming their commitment to the Almaty Protocol of 1991 and to mutual recognition of each otherâs territorial integrity as the core of this process, following the quadripartite meeting in Prague on 7 October 2022.
France calls to continue the delimitation of the border on the basis of the principles agreed in the declaration of April 19, 2024, and as an extension of the first demarcation work carried out on the ground. At the same time, it calls for continuing discussions with a view to signing a peace treaty between the two countries.
France welcomes the initiative of the Kazakh authorities to facilitate the holding of these talks.
France continues to work together with its partners to establish just and solid peace in the South Caucasus in accordance with international law. //
source, source, source, source,
OSCE: Reaching stable and comprehensive peace between Armenia and Azerbaijan remains a priority for us
OSCE Chair-in-Office Ian Borg visited Armenia on Monday.BORG: The only way to ensure comprehensive and stable peace is through diplomacy. The steps made towards border delimitation between Armenia and Azerbaijan are the actions needed to reach peace. //
Pashinyan and Borg discussed the AM-OSCE cooperation and the peace talks.
BORG: The OSCE is committed to supporting stable peace, solving all conflicts in the OSCE area, and applying the organizationâs mandate to ensure regional peace and stability. //
source, source,
opposition activists detained and released after briefly shutting down several streets in Yerevan
Last week the protest organizers, led by Archbishop Bagrat and MPs representing pro-Russian parties, called for strikes and road closures on Monday. They demand PM Pashinyan's resignation. The opposition parties have not yet disclosed when they plan to launch the impeachment process in the parliament. They likely have the minimum number of MPs to launch the impeachment but they'd still need dozens of ruling party MPs to join them for the motion to succeed, which is unlikely.On Monday over 170 people were detained and released after blocking roads, including with the use of trash cans and hay. A red beret pushed a journalist out of his way while running up the stairs, sending him to the ground. Another journalist fainted during a clash between police and protesters. In the morning, Yandex Maps showed the traffic congestion in Yerevan at Level 5 on a scale of 1-10, a "usual workday".
In one instance, an angry driver got out of his car and pushed the trash can out of the street, while other cars proceeded to drive through the sparse group of protesters. Video.
ARF MP Garnik Danielyan, a co-organizer of the protest, engaged in a dispute with a driver. The angry driver told the MP to go "siktir", while the MP called him "chatlax". Video.
One protester suggested catching and "putting down" police officers one by one while they are alone, "because they feel good in large numbers." Video.
A psychotic incident was recorded between a protester and a bystandedriver who was presumably trying to open the road. The protester hit the man and called him "Nikol's trash". The police intervened to push the protesters out of the road.
During an encounter between a protester and one resident, the protester asked the latter if he was a Christian:
PROTESTER: ŐÖŐ«ŐœŐżŐžŐ¶Ő”ŐĄŐ Ő„Őœ
RESIDENT: ŐŐĄ
PROTESTER: ŐŐĄ ŐžÖ Ő°ŐĄŐŽÖ ŐĄÖŐĄ [suck my dick]
The resident pushes the protester, and the protester spits on him. Several people got off the buses and urged the protesters to leave or to "go protect the borders" instead. The red berets arrived within minutes and removed the trash cans and the small number of protesters from the road. video, video, video,
While the ARF has long been viewed as the voice of diaspora, other movements have emerged to challenge its dominance. The Armenian Movement of France has organized a change.org petition that calls to encourage Armenia's independence and Euro-Atlantic integration, to keep the church and state separate, and not take any destabilizing actions.
KHURSHUDYAN: They [ARF and protest organizers] are attempting to convince the diaspora to join them by influencing various organizations like the Lemkin Institute. It is strange that the Lemkin Institute released a statement accusing PM Pashinyan's Genocide statement of containing "victim blaming" only now, during these protests, several weeks after Pashinyan made that statement. It took a lot of effort for these forces to lobby and create the impression that the diaspora as a whole is on their side. //
The BEVER (Sasna Tsrer) party leaders said they are cooperating with the pro-Russian former regime parties but only on the issues of removing Pashinyan and stopping the border delimitation process.
BEVER (Ara Papyan): If Pashinyan resigns now and pro-Russian forces win the elections democratically, it will be the population's fault, not ours. // video
As you know from Sunday news digest, the pro-Russian forces and a group of ex-diplomats led by Kocharyan's Foreign Minister Vardan Oskanian, are against using the 1991 Almaty declaration as the basis for delimitation. Foreign Minister Mirzoyan was asked to comment on Monday.
MIRZOYAN: The Deputy PMs of Armenia and Azerbaijan, who are in charge of border commissions, have come to an agreement to launch the delimitation process taking into account the 1991 Almaty Declaration. This was welcomed by numerous states and international organizations. The foreign diplomats you mentioned are deserters who fled their duties while Armenia was under physical attack in 2021. I can no longer treat them seriously. That is the most civil language I can use toward them. In reality, by torpedoing the Almaty Declaration and the peace process based on Almaty, these ex-diplomats continue to torpedo the sovereignty, statehood, and territorial integrity of Armenia. In the best-case scenario, they do this without understanding, and in the worst-case scenario, they are following the orders of a foreign state. I don't have further comments. //
Archbishop Bagrat Galstanyan said they will not hold daily meetings at Republic Square anymore, and that smaller gatherings will be held near the St. Anna church every evening to wrap up the day and discuss future plans. Yesterday Arman Babajanyan revealed a meeting between church officials. On Monday, Archbishop Galstanyan confirmed that he indeed met Catholicos on Sunday. Galstanyan was asked whether he plans to "transfer" the "leadership" of the movement to political parties. He said he is open to that idea: "ÔčŐžŐČ ŐŁŐĄŐ¶, ŐŸŐ„ÖÖŐ¶Ő„Ő¶, ŐžŐŸ ÖŐĄŐ¶ŐŻŐĄŐ¶ŐžÖŐŽ Ő§:"
source, source, source, source, source, source, source, source, source, source, source, source, source,
Executive Vice President of the European Commission for Economic Affairs, the EU Trade Commissioner, will visit Armenia this week
Valdis Dombrovskis will meet Armenian and EBRD officials and take part in an annual meeting of the EBRD Board of Governors.source, source,
PM Pashinyan is in Denmark for the "Copenhagen Democracy Summit"
Nikol Pashinyan will take part in the discussion on âFrom the frontline: Armeniaâs defense of democracy.âsource,
Armenia will bring its consumer protection legislation in line with European standards
The head of Armenia's Competition Protection Commission visited Poland to participate in ICPEN (International Consumer Protection and Enforcement Network).They spoke about unfair business practices and how to combat them, online taxi service regulations, online casinos, discounting policies used by businesses, etc.
GEVORGYAN: Armenia is going through an important phase in terms of protecting the interests of consumers. Discussions are underway to align Armenia's consumer protection legislation with EU standards. It is necessary to use digital technologies and train skilled experts in this field.
source,
Russia begins withdrawing border agents near the border village Nerkin Hand: residents
The villagers noticed that the Russian soldiers were no longer observing the traffic from the observation post and that they were packing some of their stuff.source, source,
anti-corruption: Patrol Police officer is charged with accepting a bribe from a driver
INTERIOR MINISTRY: In early March, two officers pulled over an Indian driver on Kievyan St. One of the officers demanded a Ö20,000 bribe to ignore the fact that the vehicle didn't pass a tech inspection. They negotiated it down to Ö7,000. The officer was charged with felony bribery. He confessed. The case is in court. //source,
Yerevan Mayor Avinyan had a lightbulb moment
The city has purchased 6,000 LED lights producing 4000K white light. Mayor Avinyan instructed the department to install them only on roads and to purchase weaker 3000K bulbs for condo backyards in order not to disrupt sleep.Last month the city replaced 8.6 kilometers of cables. The Mother Armenia statue and the Opera building will have new ŐŁŐ„ŐČŐĄÖŐŸŐ„ŐœŐżŐĄŐŻŐĄŐ¶ lighting.
source, source, video,
Yerevan implements GIS (geographic information system) to collect data from various sources and make targeted decisions based on visualized data: VIDEO
MAYOR AVINYAN: The Municipality and all the district offices are switching to a new management style with the introduction of GIS. Every department will join it, phase by phase. We are talking about digital maps which we must learn to use. This is going to significantly simplify some of the work done by departments.OFFICIAL: This is part of the digitization strategy. This unified GIS platform will collect information from the cadastre, transport, Active Citizen app, utility services, construction, etc., and make them accessible in one place. The visual data allow us to carry out analysis and make fact-based decisions.
For example, we created a cadastre GIS by using a satellite image as the base layer, then integrated it with the cadastre database. This map shows in detail the boundaries of properties, the purpose and status of each land plot, etc.
Another example is a map of air pollution, prior records, and analytical tools.
The GIS map for the Active Citizen app allows us to see the submissions and the completed work, their locations on the map, and how well the city responds to issues reported by citizens. You can filter the issues by category. For example, you can show only the reports about illegal dumping, click on the report and see the image shared by the citizen, then click to see the status and the outcome of city's response. The tools allow you to analyze the data and the performance rate.
Another map shows the 3D image of the city with its buildings and green areas. Here we can calculate the capacity of bus stops, etc. Drones can be used to create a very detailed digital 3D copy of specific buildings.
You can click on a land plot and it'll pull up the ownership information, the permit records, etc.
Connecting two dots shows you the altitude differences and other data that you can use, for example, during the installation of irrigation pipes.
This is less than 1% of its potential. We plan to train employees next week.
MAYOR AVINYAN: We should make some of this data public, like the air quality map or certain maps that did not require financial resources to create [ÖŐ±Ő«Őą ŐŐžŐŠ]. This is a revolutionary change in the municipality. We need to speed up the work with the use of digital tools.
video,
Yerevan begins planting hundreds of adult "high-value" trees and thousands of bushes near the new promenade/park around the Yerevanyan Lake: VIDEO
video,Central Bank chief was invited to Parliament to discuss economy and expenditures
MP: Regarding CB's report on the efficiency of service vehicles used by state agencies. The state buildings scheduled to receive solar panels should also be equipped with EV chargers so the service vehicles can use the energy generated by the panels. I requested information from Yerevan Municipality about the service vehicle expenditures and it shows that EVs are not only cheaper because of electricity, but also because they are overall more affordable to maintain. We are talking about large savings.CB CHIEF: Our estimates show that EVs are 2x-3x more affordable compared to combustion engine vehicles, even if we factor in all the adjacent expenses. In Yerevan, we have [state] buildings with solar panels on roofs but [connecting them to EV chargers in the parking lot] will be very difficult because these are old and sometimes "historical" buildings. They also have problems with air conditioning, plumbing, etc. At the same time, we are trying to implement this solar panel project in the newer buildings, for example, in Dilijan, where we have EV chargers for service vehicles in the parking lots.
video,
Central Bank chief spoke about the deflation in Q1
RULING MP: It is great for our residents' pockets that the prices have fallen but what is its effect on the economy and exports? What is the best inflation rate to maintain a "balance"?CB CHIEF: During the discussions with our colleagues from IMF, regarding regional and global events, we agreed that countries develop when the inflation is low and manageable. It encourages investments. In this regard, the overall microeconomic stability and the fiscal policy of Armenia create a very good environment for this predictability. This is one of our "cards" in our relations with foreign entities.
During each CB session, we discuss several market and inflation scenarios. Under one scenario there is a risk of inflation becoming too high, while under other scenarios it could remain low. We are trying to find the most balanced option and thank God we have been able to continuously lower the [refinancing] rates, which helps the state. //
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video, source,
Central Bank chief spoke about the refinancing rate, the rate at which the state borrows from banks, copper prices, etc.
video,how did the family of Ilham Aliyev's security chief obtain so many properties in the United Kingdom?
Offshore companies owned by Eyyubovâs wife and daughter spent $114 million on real estate in the United Kingdom. The family, including Eyyubov himself, also own over $46 million in properties in Dubai.OCCRP report,
growing concerns in Abkhazia that Putin might have secretly "sold" them to Georgia as a confederation in exchange for Georgia's neutrality between West and Russia
video,2024.05.13 23:26 Sweet-Development904 My boyfriend (19M) always says that I (19F) am stupid and wants everything in his time. What should I do?
I 19 female, I've been in a long distance relationship for 3 years with John (fake name) 19 male. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 16. For context, John and I met in a group and since then we started talking. (I was dating my ex, but when I realized that I had developed feelings for John I ended that relationship.) In this group he was a big womanizer, and he talked to his ex, which didn't bother me since I never thought there was anything malicious about it. 4 months later I asked John if he felt anything for me, because he was acting romantic and sweet toward me, he said yes and then we started dating. (Note: he was jealous of my friends). A few weeks after we started dating, and all of our mutual friends knew about our relationship, and he didn't feel uncomfortable with people knowing about it, I sent him Intimate photos, he went on and sent these photos to our group, where there were more than 100 people, including our friends. When I saw it I was shocked and immediately left the group. My friends came to talk to me and so did he. He apologized, said he was going to send these photos to a group that was just him because according to him it was easier for him to see. Reading this now I realize it's a strange thing... but at the time I was so in love that I excused him. That same day we made a video call until I went to sleep, he praised me a lot, dedicated some songs to me, it was very romantic.During the next few weeks we made video calls every day, watched movies, listened to music, talked a lot until the early hours of the morning. There was a day when a girl joined the group where we were, and she and I became very good friends, there ended up being a lot of confusion because she wanted to date John, but he didn't want to. However, he always asked for intimate photos for her or for another girl in the group, he said it was to make me jealous, he ended up sending some intimate photos to her too. Well, a few months passed and I was suffering with my mental health, a few months before I met him I had tried to take my life, and I was under psychiatric care. During that time I started smoking and hurting myself, but he always helped me not to do so and always asked me to stop smoking and never use drugs. Until one day I was having an anxiety attack and felt the need to hurt myself while I was on a call with him, so he asked me to write his name on my skin with the razor. I did, he laughed. Some more time passed and I experienced what I think was an attack of schizophrenia, I saw and heard a person talking to me and asking me to do certain things that would hurt me. John stayed on video call with me while he tried to calm me down and said everything was ok and asked me to pray. That day my mother had gone to work, so I was alone at home, she wouldn't come back until 1pm. A few months later he asked me to buy some sex toys, I initially refused and was a little afraid, but then I agreed and bought my first vibrator. He always asked for videos and photos, or even for me to use the vibrator on a video call, as he always sent photos and videos and even did things on a call, I accepted. It turned out that I got sick, I couldn't walk, I felt a lot of pain, very strong cramps, I went to the hospital but it didn't help. I took some medication but none of it helped. Jonh was worried about me and asked me to go back to the hospital, which I did, but once again it didn't do much good. Then in December he asked me to buy another toy, but this time it would be a dildo. I was very afraid to buy it since I didn't have much privacy at home, but I bought it. When it arrived, he asked me to use it but I said I wasn't going to use it at that moment because I wanted to wash it first and then use it but my mother was in the living room so there was no way. He was extremely upset, he said that I had promised to use it the day I arrived and that he was tired from work and just wanted it to cheer him up a little. We argued a little and went to sleep.Cut to a few months later when he got a new job (he worked with his father), met some new people and completely changed. He became cold, distant, wanted everything his way or he would get upset and give me the silent treatment. Since then we started fighting almost every day, sometimes several times during the day. He always said he would break up with me if I didn't do what he wanted or the way he wanted, as I was "blind", so to speak, I always did everything. I don't want to go into too much detail but this but one thing you need to know is that during one of those fights he told me "welcome to hell". Since then everything has gotten worse. For me to achieve the minimum I had to do everything he wanted, how he wanted and when he wanted, in his time. If he wanted videos, I had to record them and send them to him, otherwise he He said he was going to break up with me or that he wouldn't talk to me until I sent the videos. I'm not a saint either, I often freaked out because of jealousy and when I saw that he had followed his ex I got really upset, because she was the only one who made me insecure, and he knew that. One thing I forgot to mention was that he told me at the beginning that he only followed some friends and family (he told me who was who and that if I wanted I could remove someone). Another thing I forgot to mention was that he's been in a group for a few years where his friends who are in that group always hit on him, he's kind of reciprocal with them. He never let me go there because according to him I wouldn't like the type of humor they have there... a group that sends a lot of videos and photos of naked women, women dancing.. But he refuses to leave because he "is already a long-time member there, and his friends are there", in his words. Coming back, he told me that he only followed her because she followed him first and I told him that if she followed him it was because he unblocked her, he was upset that I said that and blocked her again. Some time later I returned to the hospital with some urgency as I was unable to cope with the pain, I needed to stay there overnight whilst receiving medication. He wasn't happy about it at all since that meant there would be no videos or photos. The doctors asked me to do some tests as quickly as possible to try to find out the cause of this pain, which they thought was the kidneys (but it wasn't).This meant I had to leave the house and go to the clinics to schedule exams and take them. He was never happy when I needed to leave the house or when I went out with my family. Cut to a time later when we broke up (my initiative) and I put all the toys in the trash. He was super upset and we kind of talked back and forth (I know what many off you will think But I couldn't really break up with him. So he made me buy all the toys again. That is what happened. Well, I bought not only the toys but also some lingerie. He really liked that and it seemed like we were finally okay. But it didn't last long. Soon we fought again and broke up, once again I put everything in the trash, he came back, he forced me again Buying but he was the one who bought the things. He continued to force me to record the videos and send them to him. During this time of ending the relationship and coming back, ending the relationship and coming back, I called his friends to ask for help. John was super upset with this attitude of mine. He told me that I made a mistake and broke his trust. Then time passed and he went on a trip with his family when he returned home, it was on a day when there was a party in his city and his friends were going. When he got home he told me and said he was going to sleep. I was suspicious so I went to look at his friend's profile and guess what? His friend had just post a story where John appeared. Same t-shirt, same cap. The same face. Obviously I confronted him about it and he told me it wasn't him because he was sleeping at home. I didn't believe it but leave it behind. At this point, my best friend couldn't take it anymore, almost every day of me crying to her about John and his actions. A few weeks went by and I asked his friend if it was really John or not, he said no (I believe he was covering it up.So he went to get a tattoo, on his neck. When it was over he went to sleep. I don't remember that day well but I remember that I called him many times that night and when he answered I heard moaning.. so I hung up and told my best friend. I called again and again and when he answered I heard the sound of a car. I was devastated, I couldn't believe it. The next morning he freaked out at me, and said he was sleeping. First he said that his mother had answered the phone, then he said that he had answered the phone and that the moans were his because of the tattoo. I pretended this situation hadn't happened and we moved on. (note: I was emotionally dependent on him) Cut to January of this year, when he asked me to open up the relationship as this wasn't working. I said no, and that in my view it was like cheating but without the burden of conscience. So he continued to treat me badly. He admitted that when he first started treating me badly it was only because he wanted me to break up with him. (he thought traumatizing me and triggering me was a good idea) He told me he didn't want me to see his Facebook so I wouldn't see his relatives' profiles. When I asked about some people he followed that he had already said were cousins, he said that they were friends or that he didn't know that his friends had asked him to follow them and sending messages to them. When I followed someone he always freaked out and asked who he was over and over again, for example: I followed someone, John saw it and sent me a message asking who it was, I replied "he's a friend of mine" Then John would go on "who is he?" and again "who is he?" and again and again... Two months ago he said he wanted some time, I said very badly, he said it could be but that we wouldn't be with other people nor would there be flirting with other people. He agreed. But then we got into a big fight where he threatened me with a lawsuit, he didn't give me reasons or anything, he just said he was going to sue me. I insisted on knowing why he only said he was going to have to pay him a high price and I would probably go to prison. So for the next 3 days this was our topic of conversation, him threatening me, me crying, and asking why. Then I reached my limit On the day of the last lawsuit threat, I told my mother about him, the way he treated me and that I wanted a new cell phone number.(She didn't know, I never told her about him. Although he tried to contact her a few times. But I blocked him) So we went to buy a new contact for me, as he couldn't call me or get in touch with me anywhere. He asked some people to call my mother and my friends. My friends were talking to me and sending me screenshots of everything, so someone sent him the link to our group and he went in there and found out my new number. I was weakened when my friend told me that he was crying and that he told him that he loved me and that he was afraid of losing me. So I said okay I could talk to him. He told me some things like that he was sorry for making me suffer. I tried to understand his side. We came back. But I told him that the first thing he did I would leave. I did not go. And I regret it. He was never affectionate, or cute with me again. He continued to force me to send him photos and videos. And doing what he wanted. He was upset when I left. He didn't like me posting full body photos or showing more. Whereas he could go around shirtless, send shirtless photos to his group, post shirtless photos online. Once he published a photo of a photo with his cousin and hid it from me so I wouldn't see it (I knew he was going to this party, he had told me, it was a family party) Since then, I went to lawyers to ask for advice. One of the people I managed to talk to, as it was online and free, told me to contact the police and that what he was doing was wrong. Every time I ask him something he gets upset and says they are useless questions, that I'm stupid, I don't understand anything. Whenever he forces me to record something, he never sends anything. He always says he's tired, But if his friends ask him to go out or go to dinner or do anything, he'll go, even if he's tired. This is it. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm really afraid that he'll do something, after so many threats, and all the lies. I have the support of my family and friends. I'm sorry if there are some mistakes, I used the translator and tried to explain more or less all the information you should know. Please be friendly.
submitted by Sweet-Development904 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2024.05.13 23:24 Snacky_Snake I (31M) read my Girlfriend's (34F) DM's and it's really looking like she's going to cheat soon. Please help me figure out what to do!
TL;DR: I foolishly began dating my coworker who ended up lying to me several times. I finally ended up looking at her DM's and discovered what looks like plans to cheat on me and I don't know how to proceed.
Would really appreciate it if you read until the end where I have questions. Everything else is details & background.
I began casually dating a coworker who I caught feelings for. I've never been the type to have interest in more than one person so I voiced to her early on that I would like to know if she was dating other people. She reciprocated this feeling and assured me she wasnât dating anyone else but would tell me if she did.
Things were great but we had a recurring argument about once or twice a month about how I was overstepping the casualness.
I will admit I took things too far sometimes but we also didnât set boundaries either so the lines werenât super clear all the time. For example, we formed habits like getting coffee in the morning, texting before bed, calling each other after work. So those habits created expectations and if there was a break in one of them, I would sometimes point it out and that would usually lead to an argument. It was mostly me who brought those things up but she would do this too, just not as much.
With a vacation coming up we both made plans to hang out before it but when the time came, she said she forgot. She had cancelled plans several times in the past and I was always understanding, but this time I expressed frustration.
I texted her that I was upset about it because I was really looking forward to spending time before the vacation. She thought I was being extremely unfair, that cancelling is normal, that we hang out all the time, etc. This led to our big talk.
We both agreed to go back to being coworkers. I said I did not want to immediately go back to being friends right away and that I wanted to keep some distance for now.
She immediately disrespected these wishes by stopping by my office to say hi the first day back (a one week vacation). I was confused but went along with it because we were at the office and I wasn't going to make a scene. A few days after that, she sent in a request for help with her workstation knowing that I was going to be assigned to it.
I didn't have time to help out that day but she showed up again at my office at the end of the day and confessed that she sent the request to get my attention and wanted to apologize. I said it's ok but that she needs to respect my wishes about keeping a healthy distance and only being coworkers.
The following week I went to help her with that issue and next thing I know we were flirting again. One of the strongest attractions was our good chemistry and that got us into trouble. So we agreed to sit and talk about things and decide what we want.
We both clearly had feelings for each other so we decided to continue dating. This was where she admitted that she had been dating other people on Hinge and out of fear of driving me away, she kept it from me. I felt betrayed and left. In hindsight, this probably should have been the end of things.
In the following couple of weeks, she apologized profusely and did a lot of thoughtful things in an attempt to make up for it. Eventually, I forgave her and tried to be understanding. I told her I would need time to rebuild trust and that if I were to move forward, I would need us to to be committed to each other to which she agreed.
Things were ok until I noticed that she was texting this one guy (bachelor #1) almost every day. So with a combination of her lying to me before and also myself having been cheated on in the past, I couldn't help but look at the locked phone screen and kept seeing his name. I also noticed a trend in the past that some of her contacts had âHâ as their last initial which made me wonder if they were all people she met on hinge. Bachelor #1 had the "H" too and I asked if they met on hinge. She admitted to adding âHâ to Hinge contacts but promised that bachelor #1 was not from hinge, just that she couldnât remember his last name but knew it started with an H. I didnât really believe her because she was incredibly vague about how they met. She says he's just a friend who they happen to have a ton in common with and talk almost every single day. I said itâs fine but asked if he at least knew that her and I were dating and he did not.
I know its normal for people to have close friends of the opposite sex but I found it odd that in all of their almost daily communication, I never came up. I couldn't help but think that it was intentionally being avoided.
I was puzzled and brought it to the table, and was told that it simply "never came up." I said I felt uncomfortable that he didn't know about me especially since I'm kind of still in this 'rebuild trust' phase. She understood and finally told him that she's "seeing some guy." So I guess I was ok with that. My 2 female friends know that I am dating her and I don't even talk to them half as much. After she told him, I let it go.
Then bachelor #2 enters the picture. This guy frequently hits on her and makes it extremely clear that he wants to fuck. I get it, guys are going to hit on beautiful women but I expect her to shut it down. And of course, the same is expected of me to shut down people hitting on me. However, with this friend of hers, instead of shutting it down, she accepts all of the compliments and allows him to continue making advances via DM's. He didn't know about me at all and only stopped once he found out because I went to the gym with her consistently enough to where he caught on that her and I were together (they go to the same gym sometimes).
So once again, it seems like she was hiding the fact that she's exclusive with someone. He stopped messaging her so I let it go but again, I'm annoyed that it was even a thing in the first place.
About another month had passed with no issues and we were doing surprisingly well so I asked her to officially be my girlfriend and she said yes.
We were both really happy but later that night, she was texting bachelor #1 right in front of me. I hate that I did this but I glanced over at her phone and saw they made plans to hang out but I didn't say anything, I didn't think too much of it. At the end of the night in bed and amid random conversation, she said she was planning to see her female friend on the day that she made plans to hang out with bachelor #1. She lied to me completely unprompted.
My chest started pounding and I said "You're lying to me" and she responds with "what? I'm so tired, go to sleep" Again I said "You are fucking lying to me." I started getting out of bed to gather my things and leave. She lunged after me, trying to grab me, asking me not to leave. I said I can't do this anymore and that I can't trust her. She started crying, apologizing, making excuses, etc. I couldn't listen to any of it so I left.
I woke up to a whole ass story of a text of how sorry she was and I didn't deserve that. She said she was just going on a walk with him and the dog she's fostering because he was thinking of adopting him. Her excuse for lying to me was that she thought it would ruin the night because I was sensitive about her friendship with him in the past.
She still went on that walk with him but she was texting me during it, called me after and invited me over for dinner. She talked to bachelor #1 about me a lot and said how much she wanted to be with me etc. They don't talk as much anymore and apparently he is now in a relationship with someone.
I bought the whole apology and continued with the relationship. I keep telling myself she didn't cheat on me and that she would never do that but I don't really know how I'm supposed to rebuild trust. I'm just kind of going with the flow at this point and trying to enjoy the time we spend together.
Once again things seem to be going ok until bachelor #3 enters the picture.
This dude lives in a different state but he sent her two free pairs of expensive-ass shoes. Normally, I would think that's pretty damn cool of him but at this point everything makes me skeptical. She told me a bit about him, that they used to work together and that he's married. Well, as of a week ago, we got into an argument about trust that started from me finding out that she doesnt ever post me on instagram. I accused her saying that there must be more people hitting on her in her DM's and she likes the attention so much that she doesn't want to broadcast that she has a boyfriend. She swore nobody was hitting on her and that doesn't happen at all. She said the only male friend of hers she talks to besides bachelor #1 was Bachelor #3. Then I asked her to show me the DM's with bachelor #3 and she said no.
I should not have done this but in the next few days I found a chance to go through her phone. This is what I saw and I have screenshots to prove it:
-He frequently hits on her saying she's hot and beautiful.
-She posted about muffins she made and he reacted with "When I visit, you'll have to bake me some" to which she ecstatically agreed.
-He then told her she should put 'baking' on her dating profile and her response was "when I make one, I will!"
(The fuck? Would this not be the time to say "I actually have a boyfriend right now"? )
-Then she asked if he was dating. He responded saying he avoids dating apps and rather meet in person and hook up from there.
(The fuck the fuck? Why are you asking a married man if he's dating?)
-Finally he asks if she's dating and she actually said yes but there was zero mention of me at all or that she has a boyfriend.
-He said he was going to be in town in June and asked her to get drinks with him. She says "Yes! Definitely!"
This is pretty damning, right? To me, it really looks like it's leading up to her cheating on me. Or am I somehow missing something?
What the fuck do I do, reddit?
I know that being in this pickle is 100% my fault and I blame no one but myself. But here I am and I would really appreciate advice on the best exit strategy.
I don't want things to end explosively and I prefer not to admit that I went through her DMs if possible. There's no possibility that she has a valid explanation for how she's speaking to Bachelor #3, right?
I've been trying to plan exit strategies and I'm thinking of simply telling her that I haven't been able to rebuild trust and that it's best to stop the relationship then leave it at that.
I'm extremely upset and hurt that she still lied to my face. Now, the vengeful part of me really wants to catch her in the act of lying to me when Bachelor #3 visits in June.
Major problem.
We still work together but in completely different departments. The working together may not last very long (she's been looking for another job). And I'm seriously considering it as well.
So here's what I need help with.
Do I allow her to explain what is going on with bachelor #3 or do I just say that I don't see myself being able to trust her again and leave it at that?
Do I wait to end things until one of us gets a different job?
Do I go for the more gratifying ending by calling her out on her bullshit and admitting that I went through her DM's or by waiting to catch her in the act when he visits?
submitted by Snacky_Snake to relationships [link] [comments]
Would really appreciate it if you read until the end where I have questions. Everything else is details & background.
I began casually dating a coworker who I caught feelings for. I've never been the type to have interest in more than one person so I voiced to her early on that I would like to know if she was dating other people. She reciprocated this feeling and assured me she wasnât dating anyone else but would tell me if she did.
Things were great but we had a recurring argument about once or twice a month about how I was overstepping the casualness.
I will admit I took things too far sometimes but we also didnât set boundaries either so the lines werenât super clear all the time. For example, we formed habits like getting coffee in the morning, texting before bed, calling each other after work. So those habits created expectations and if there was a break in one of them, I would sometimes point it out and that would usually lead to an argument. It was mostly me who brought those things up but she would do this too, just not as much.
With a vacation coming up we both made plans to hang out before it but when the time came, she said she forgot. She had cancelled plans several times in the past and I was always understanding, but this time I expressed frustration.
I texted her that I was upset about it because I was really looking forward to spending time before the vacation. She thought I was being extremely unfair, that cancelling is normal, that we hang out all the time, etc. This led to our big talk.
We both agreed to go back to being coworkers. I said I did not want to immediately go back to being friends right away and that I wanted to keep some distance for now.
She immediately disrespected these wishes by stopping by my office to say hi the first day back (a one week vacation). I was confused but went along with it because we were at the office and I wasn't going to make a scene. A few days after that, she sent in a request for help with her workstation knowing that I was going to be assigned to it.
I didn't have time to help out that day but she showed up again at my office at the end of the day and confessed that she sent the request to get my attention and wanted to apologize. I said it's ok but that she needs to respect my wishes about keeping a healthy distance and only being coworkers.
The following week I went to help her with that issue and next thing I know we were flirting again. One of the strongest attractions was our good chemistry and that got us into trouble. So we agreed to sit and talk about things and decide what we want.
We both clearly had feelings for each other so we decided to continue dating. This was where she admitted that she had been dating other people on Hinge and out of fear of driving me away, she kept it from me. I felt betrayed and left. In hindsight, this probably should have been the end of things.
In the following couple of weeks, she apologized profusely and did a lot of thoughtful things in an attempt to make up for it. Eventually, I forgave her and tried to be understanding. I told her I would need time to rebuild trust and that if I were to move forward, I would need us to to be committed to each other to which she agreed.
Things were ok until I noticed that she was texting this one guy (bachelor #1) almost every day. So with a combination of her lying to me before and also myself having been cheated on in the past, I couldn't help but look at the locked phone screen and kept seeing his name. I also noticed a trend in the past that some of her contacts had âHâ as their last initial which made me wonder if they were all people she met on hinge. Bachelor #1 had the "H" too and I asked if they met on hinge. She admitted to adding âHâ to Hinge contacts but promised that bachelor #1 was not from hinge, just that she couldnât remember his last name but knew it started with an H. I didnât really believe her because she was incredibly vague about how they met. She says he's just a friend who they happen to have a ton in common with and talk almost every single day. I said itâs fine but asked if he at least knew that her and I were dating and he did not.
I know its normal for people to have close friends of the opposite sex but I found it odd that in all of their almost daily communication, I never came up. I couldn't help but think that it was intentionally being avoided.
I was puzzled and brought it to the table, and was told that it simply "never came up." I said I felt uncomfortable that he didn't know about me especially since I'm kind of still in this 'rebuild trust' phase. She understood and finally told him that she's "seeing some guy." So I guess I was ok with that. My 2 female friends know that I am dating her and I don't even talk to them half as much. After she told him, I let it go.
Then bachelor #2 enters the picture. This guy frequently hits on her and makes it extremely clear that he wants to fuck. I get it, guys are going to hit on beautiful women but I expect her to shut it down. And of course, the same is expected of me to shut down people hitting on me. However, with this friend of hers, instead of shutting it down, she accepts all of the compliments and allows him to continue making advances via DM's. He didn't know about me at all and only stopped once he found out because I went to the gym with her consistently enough to where he caught on that her and I were together (they go to the same gym sometimes).
So once again, it seems like she was hiding the fact that she's exclusive with someone. He stopped messaging her so I let it go but again, I'm annoyed that it was even a thing in the first place.
About another month had passed with no issues and we were doing surprisingly well so I asked her to officially be my girlfriend and she said yes.
We were both really happy but later that night, she was texting bachelor #1 right in front of me. I hate that I did this but I glanced over at her phone and saw they made plans to hang out but I didn't say anything, I didn't think too much of it. At the end of the night in bed and amid random conversation, she said she was planning to see her female friend on the day that she made plans to hang out with bachelor #1. She lied to me completely unprompted.
My chest started pounding and I said "You're lying to me" and she responds with "what? I'm so tired, go to sleep" Again I said "You are fucking lying to me." I started getting out of bed to gather my things and leave. She lunged after me, trying to grab me, asking me not to leave. I said I can't do this anymore and that I can't trust her. She started crying, apologizing, making excuses, etc. I couldn't listen to any of it so I left.
I woke up to a whole ass story of a text of how sorry she was and I didn't deserve that. She said she was just going on a walk with him and the dog she's fostering because he was thinking of adopting him. Her excuse for lying to me was that she thought it would ruin the night because I was sensitive about her friendship with him in the past.
She still went on that walk with him but she was texting me during it, called me after and invited me over for dinner. She talked to bachelor #1 about me a lot and said how much she wanted to be with me etc. They don't talk as much anymore and apparently he is now in a relationship with someone.
I bought the whole apology and continued with the relationship. I keep telling myself she didn't cheat on me and that she would never do that but I don't really know how I'm supposed to rebuild trust. I'm just kind of going with the flow at this point and trying to enjoy the time we spend together.
Once again things seem to be going ok until bachelor #3 enters the picture.
This dude lives in a different state but he sent her two free pairs of expensive-ass shoes. Normally, I would think that's pretty damn cool of him but at this point everything makes me skeptical. She told me a bit about him, that they used to work together and that he's married. Well, as of a week ago, we got into an argument about trust that started from me finding out that she doesnt ever post me on instagram. I accused her saying that there must be more people hitting on her in her DM's and she likes the attention so much that she doesn't want to broadcast that she has a boyfriend. She swore nobody was hitting on her and that doesn't happen at all. She said the only male friend of hers she talks to besides bachelor #1 was Bachelor #3. Then I asked her to show me the DM's with bachelor #3 and she said no.
I should not have done this but in the next few days I found a chance to go through her phone. This is what I saw and I have screenshots to prove it:
-He frequently hits on her saying she's hot and beautiful.
-She posted about muffins she made and he reacted with "When I visit, you'll have to bake me some" to which she ecstatically agreed.
-He then told her she should put 'baking' on her dating profile and her response was "when I make one, I will!"
(The fuck? Would this not be the time to say "I actually have a boyfriend right now"? )
-Then she asked if he was dating. He responded saying he avoids dating apps and rather meet in person and hook up from there.
(The fuck the fuck? Why are you asking a married man if he's dating?)
-Finally he asks if she's dating and she actually said yes but there was zero mention of me at all or that she has a boyfriend.
-He said he was going to be in town in June and asked her to get drinks with him. She says "Yes! Definitely!"
This is pretty damning, right? To me, it really looks like it's leading up to her cheating on me. Or am I somehow missing something?
What the fuck do I do, reddit?
I know that being in this pickle is 100% my fault and I blame no one but myself. But here I am and I would really appreciate advice on the best exit strategy.
I don't want things to end explosively and I prefer not to admit that I went through her DMs if possible. There's no possibility that she has a valid explanation for how she's speaking to Bachelor #3, right?
I've been trying to plan exit strategies and I'm thinking of simply telling her that I haven't been able to rebuild trust and that it's best to stop the relationship then leave it at that.
I'm extremely upset and hurt that she still lied to my face. Now, the vengeful part of me really wants to catch her in the act of lying to me when Bachelor #3 visits in June.
Major problem.
We still work together but in completely different departments. The working together may not last very long (she's been looking for another job). And I'm seriously considering it as well.
So here's what I need help with.
Do I allow her to explain what is going on with bachelor #3 or do I just say that I don't see myself being able to trust her again and leave it at that?
Do I wait to end things until one of us gets a different job?
Do I go for the more gratifying ending by calling her out on her bullshit and admitting that I went through her DM's or by waiting to catch her in the act when he visits?
2024.05.13 23:23 Look_Longjumping How to support 14yo stuck between a rock and a hard place? What would you say to your younger self if you could?
So, a little background. I (33m) and my ex (29f) dated for about 3 years, and it just didn't work out. But we have maintained a pretty good friendship since ending the relationship over a year ago. My ex's father passed away when she was around 17 due to alcoholism. From her father she has 5 half siblings. The youngest one (brother), I'll call P, is now 14. P's mother has been addicted to drugs (meth, coke, and pills) and alcohol all of P's life. They have been homeless since his father passed away when he was around a year old. His mother, I'll call S, has exhausted all local resources such shelters, public services, and such due to breaking the rules and continuing to use drugs. I don't know how her two youngest children have never made it into the system; but her older 4 had been taken away when they were very young and put into the foster system. Anyways, S and P have been homeless, living in motels when possible, shelters when possible (before they stopped allowing her), staying at whatever rando's place they can, and sleeping storage units and in S's car when she had one (she no longer does). S has had multiple CPS reports made over the years but her two youngest children have always been left in her care. S is known to leave her kids of days at a time and be under the influence in front of them often. Also, S did not care about P's schooling. He would miss weeks of school at a time, would be failing every class possible, and was basically on the path of becoming a high school drop out in the next few years.
My ex finally got herself in a position where she is able to take on the care and responsibility of P. He had shown interest in living with her and wanting to better his own life. So, for the last 7 months P has been living with my ex, and I have been doing what I can to be supportive and a good male role model for P (I go to all of his sports tournaments and practices, help him with homework, have "guys nights" where we go to the movies or watch basketball games, facetime or text him a few times a week to check in and ask about his day, etc.). My ex has taken S to court to file for custody (court date is this week). They had a court hearing a few months ago and permeant placement was granted to my ex with visitations for P and S under my ex's discretion. P has not seen his mom in about 6 months. In those months S has maybe called to speak to P less then 8 times. She has done nothing to improve her situation or to show that she is capable of providing for P. She has occasionally sent P erratic messages saying things such as "you're not my son anymore" and other really mentally damaging things you just don't say to your own child. S also has an active warrant out for her plus she recently cut her ankle monitor off.
Despite all this, P really loves his mom. They are very much trauma bonded. Sometimes P will say things about his mom and me and my ex will look at each other because we know it is total BS. But P believes these things because it's what his mom told him. Some of the BS is that S and my ex's and P's dad were married (they were not), that she can't get a job because someone stole her identity (she is the one who committed identity theft, not the other way around), and that her facial tick is from a car accident years ago (but it's actually from the drug use). P is 14 so he is getting to an age where he knows what drugs and alcohol are and he knows the way his life was when he was living with S was not good. But he also will defend his mom no matter what. We do not bad mouth his mom in front of him. But we do try to ask questions to get him to realize things on his own and connect the dots. P knows his mom is using but has started feeling guilty and thinks if he was with S she would not be using and drinking as much. My ex tried to explain that with or without him there S would still be doing these things, she just doesn't do them right in front of him; and also that S is an adult and makes those poor decisions on her own. P is constantly stressed and worried about his mom and her substance abuse. He feels responsible for her despite knowing living with his sister gives him the best opportunity of being successful in life. He has been going to school consistently, he has no failing grades, he is playing organized sports and has a stable home environment for the first time in his life. But the longer his been living away from his mom, the harder it gets on him mentally. With court coming up this week I think its waying more and more on him and things that he didn't want to believe (that his mom is unfit) are becoming reality and will be backed up by a court of law. We do tell P he will still be able to see his mom once the court situation is figured out, but we are worried for his safety and whereabouts when he's with her and would like her to have some sort of stable place for him to visit her at (a park or McDonalds would even work). We also let P know that he can call/facetime his mom any time he wants but he rarely asks to (just like S rarely calls him).
Anyways, I guess the whole point of this is, what would you say to your younger self if you could? If you read all this and could relate to P then please tell me what the thought process and mindset was for you when you were in that position as a child. I feel like when P is an adult, he will appreciate his sister stepping in to take care of him but right now I know it's hard for him to understand all his feelings towards his mom. It's like he's torn between his mom and a stable life. He knows which is better for him but at the end of the day that's still his mom.
submitted by Look_Longjumping to AdultChildren [link] [comments]
My ex finally got herself in a position where she is able to take on the care and responsibility of P. He had shown interest in living with her and wanting to better his own life. So, for the last 7 months P has been living with my ex, and I have been doing what I can to be supportive and a good male role model for P (I go to all of his sports tournaments and practices, help him with homework, have "guys nights" where we go to the movies or watch basketball games, facetime or text him a few times a week to check in and ask about his day, etc.). My ex has taken S to court to file for custody (court date is this week). They had a court hearing a few months ago and permeant placement was granted to my ex with visitations for P and S under my ex's discretion. P has not seen his mom in about 6 months. In those months S has maybe called to speak to P less then 8 times. She has done nothing to improve her situation or to show that she is capable of providing for P. She has occasionally sent P erratic messages saying things such as "you're not my son anymore" and other really mentally damaging things you just don't say to your own child. S also has an active warrant out for her plus she recently cut her ankle monitor off.
Despite all this, P really loves his mom. They are very much trauma bonded. Sometimes P will say things about his mom and me and my ex will look at each other because we know it is total BS. But P believes these things because it's what his mom told him. Some of the BS is that S and my ex's and P's dad were married (they were not), that she can't get a job because someone stole her identity (she is the one who committed identity theft, not the other way around), and that her facial tick is from a car accident years ago (but it's actually from the drug use). P is 14 so he is getting to an age where he knows what drugs and alcohol are and he knows the way his life was when he was living with S was not good. But he also will defend his mom no matter what. We do not bad mouth his mom in front of him. But we do try to ask questions to get him to realize things on his own and connect the dots. P knows his mom is using but has started feeling guilty and thinks if he was with S she would not be using and drinking as much. My ex tried to explain that with or without him there S would still be doing these things, she just doesn't do them right in front of him; and also that S is an adult and makes those poor decisions on her own. P is constantly stressed and worried about his mom and her substance abuse. He feels responsible for her despite knowing living with his sister gives him the best opportunity of being successful in life. He has been going to school consistently, he has no failing grades, he is playing organized sports and has a stable home environment for the first time in his life. But the longer his been living away from his mom, the harder it gets on him mentally. With court coming up this week I think its waying more and more on him and things that he didn't want to believe (that his mom is unfit) are becoming reality and will be backed up by a court of law. We do tell P he will still be able to see his mom once the court situation is figured out, but we are worried for his safety and whereabouts when he's with her and would like her to have some sort of stable place for him to visit her at (a park or McDonalds would even work). We also let P know that he can call/facetime his mom any time he wants but he rarely asks to (just like S rarely calls him).
Anyways, I guess the whole point of this is, what would you say to your younger self if you could? If you read all this and could relate to P then please tell me what the thought process and mindset was for you when you were in that position as a child. I feel like when P is an adult, he will appreciate his sister stepping in to take care of him but right now I know it's hard for him to understand all his feelings towards his mom. It's like he's torn between his mom and a stable life. He knows which is better for him but at the end of the day that's still his mom.
2024.05.13 23:17 KyleKKent OOCS, Into a Wider Galaxy, Part 002
~First~
(Got up Early to talk about the CPAP machine and such. Only to be given an appointment on friday. So yeah, in trying to solve a sleep issue Iâm giving myself more of one. Incidentally Friday will be late due to well, the CPAP retrieval and tutorial)
The Pirates
âSo, theyâre here.â Agenda says contently as she finishes feeding her fussiest little girl.
âYep!â Jingay chirps happily as her freshly hatched little children are happily playing on the glowing, shimmering platform that her rattle has brought to life. She canât do anything complicated, but a soft shiny platform for her little slithers to play around in? She can do that, but it takes some focus. The tiny fluffy child of Vuni is cuddling the strong Jungle Nagasha tail that wraps around her own tail.
âHow formal a call do you think we should make?â Miles asks in an amused tone.
âNot especially, after all the babes ensure it will never be properly formal, theyâre too happy and healthy.â Agenda notes.
âI blame you for that.â Miles says and Agenda laughs.
âIf you donât want the blame Iâll take it.â Vuni remarks.
âYouâre just as guilty.â Miles says and Vuni laughs in response.
âWhatâs going to happen?â Jingay asks and Miles is pensive for a moment.
âI donât know.â He notes as his hand gently rubs the handle of his revolver. The constant rubbing had necessitated him re-burning the names of his family back into it. âBut no amount of waffling about will let me know. So if you donât mind. Iâve been... getting something a little ready.â
âIs this what youâve been sneaking around to do for the last three days?â Agenda asks.
âSomething like that. Itâs a bit of a treat I wanted to give you girls so... care to join me?â He offers.
âWhat have you done?â
âMe and the boys got together a great big feast so that we can all talk The Inevitable at once. It took a bit of doing, but when the boys and I get moving, we really get moving.â
âAre you including Red Squadron and Biran in that?â
âAnd a lot of cadets too. Markus gave them a proper mission in setting up the area.â He says.
âHow is that a mission?â
âIt involves deploying a military force to secure and prepare an area for higher ranking officers to approach and remain there for a time.â Miles says before offering his hand. âThereâs plenty of space for all our little ones, and for all our allies. Give them all a big impression. How does that sound?â
âWell, if youâve been planning this for days.â
âI have. All of us have.â
âThen I suppose we HAVE to show up, donât we?â Agenda says in a luxurious tone. âIâll get my coat.â
âąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâą
The hall that Miles leads them to is a massive refurbished hanger that has all kinds of carpets put down, tapestries hanging from the ceiling and tables upon tables of different treats of all sorts already out. The Undaunted Cadets are all rushing around putting down more meals and treats and between the richness of the carpets, the crystal bowls and platters and expensive drinks and foods. But the sort of... scrambled way itâs been put together by the cadets lends it an earnestness that bleeds through. More important though are numerous floating platforms where a child can be safely put down and be right beside their parent.
âOh this is a treat. I havenât even been one of you guys for long!â A four part harmony says as Moira walks in with little LiÇ ShĂč napping in the arms of the four bodies that didnât speak. The toxic little girl not only has numerous of the protective pendents on her and woven into her clothing, but is in a dark jumper that lets her bright skin stand out as if for presentation.
âWell, as their novels say, all for one, and one for all.â A new voice says as a pair of Cannidors lead in their own family. More and more and more people pour in from all entrances, many in uniform, many of them her own girls. Some of them she barely recognizes. Every single one of them that notices her looking raises a glass, nods, salutes or somehow pays their respects to her.
Her little one squirms ever so and is softly comforted. For a moment there is almost a feeling of vertigo. There was a time where all this wasnât even a dream of a dream. She could remember the feeling. How could she forget it? The sensation of something gripping your very mind and soul and stopping you from even thinking of disobeying. Then so long trying to get things right, trying to be in control of her own destiny, before finally achieving it and learning just how hard that was. How many sacrifices and concessions she made before what seemed to be one of her final concessions... turned out to be final in the best of ways.
âAlright! We have a connection to The Inevitable! Who wants to say hello to the next batch of humans in the galaxy?â Ryu calls out.
âMy Lady?â Miles asks as he smiles up at her. She gives him a raised eyebrow at that.
âMy lady is it? Well then, I better live up to it.â She says.
âConnect us!â She commands and there is a cheer through the room before a massive projector uses one of the tapestry covered walls as a screen. âGood Ship Inevitable! Can you hear me?â
âWe can, you are on a friendly frequency.â A man of Asian Descent says sitting stiffly in his command chair. âI am Observer Wu, sent from Earth to conclusively determine what is going on outside our corner of the galaxy. Identify yourself please.â
âI am Duchess Agenda Lilpaw! I am the ruler of the Vucsa System an Undaunted World! I greet you, because I have long learned my lesson to stay on the good side of humans!â
âHave you now? If Iâm not mistaken that is a fully grown human right next to you. You look like you could take him fairly easily.â Observer Wu says in an amused tone.
She looks down to Miles before shaking her head.
âI made that mistake once. My entire ship was not enough.â She says fondly before pulling him close. âThen I was offered a deal, and he used it to help make me a duchess. So youâll forgive me if I think humans are a good thing to have around.â
âDid he now? I didnât realize galactic conquest was the intent of The Dauntless and her crew.â Wu notes.
âWell, as one of the conquered, I would like to say I prefer this result. After all, being able to walk about the city without a bodyguard is a welcome change of pace.â Vuni says drawing attention to herself with a slight bow. âAmbassador Vuni Luxed at your service.â
âSo this world prefers to be conquered?â Observer Wu asks.
âThis world was a slum at itâs best. A hellscape at worst.â Mari Horny states as the Carib woman waves to the camera. âMari Horny. I was here to witness it all. Iâve seen slaves freed, monsters hunted down no matter what kind of power or influence they have, be they person or beast. With them Iâve seen the children I worked so hard to protect grow stronger and thrive. Doom has come to this world time after time, and they met it each time. If youâre here to observe, then observe this room! Everyone here saved, aided or inspired by the people youâve come to evaluate! There are ten pure blooded humans in this room, but beyond it is nearly a billion souls who will vouch for them from the first to last! And so will I!â
âNo need to be so dramatic maâam. Iâm an observer, not a judge. I am here to see and hear without bias or illusions. Things are odd, and odd things have happened. The governments and officials back home need to understand clearly and without any doubt. So that is why I am here. There was confusion in the first message sent back. The second furthered the confusion due to multiple parties having separate interests. I have been tested, tried and guaranteed numerous concessions and payments for an utterly neutral perspective.â
âSo your word is going to be how all is, then they decide if we committed treachery.â Franklin notes as he floats up with several bundles around him, many of them laughing. âBehold this then. My children. All healthy, with myself as the only human parent. My daughters take after their mothers, my son takes after me, but has his motherâs strength.â
âHe is nearly transparent.â Observer Wu notes before Franklin gives the little boy a tickle and he flickers in and out of visibility while laughing. âMost interesting. This Vucsa world of yours, before I do my research upon it, is there something you would like to say about it?â
âThis is a world on the edge of Wild Space. Which means that itâs often been used in the past as a place where experiments happened.â Miles says.
âInteresting. Such as?â Observer Wu asks.
âSuch as my daughter here. I am Moira Octalliry, I will cut through the details and simply state that my anatomy allowed me to be experimented on a great deal.â She says and Observer Wu looks at her oddly.
âAre you one, or many?â
âI am one, but I am eight as one.â She says. âAs is my daughter, I have named her LiÇ ShĂč. She was a piece of myself remade to produce a weapon. She and I were both rescued. I was forgotten in darkness for thousands of years, as was my daughter. Held in a single moment in time and left to rot.â
âAnd... is she a weapon?â
âI am told you have creatures similar to her new ability back on your homeworld.â
âWe do? What is the name of this creature?â
âThe Poison Dart Frog.â She says and Observer Wuâs eyebrows go up.
âDonât forget about the fact that we fought off that robot witch!â
âRobot Witch?â Wu prompts.
âA weapon of war created by a very large, dangerous and expansive criminal family. A death robot known as Mother Massacre.â Moira says. âSo consider that. Without them going... I donât even know what to call it, I saw the contradicting orders, without them going sane for lack of a better term, I would still be in a slowly failing stasis capsule, buried and forgotten in the darkness.â
âAnd so, in summation, and from the mouths of those that clearly trust them what is your opinion of The Undaunted and the humans that make it up?â
âWhen I was brought to this world it was as a slave, my dignity ripped from me, my home destroyed and in less than a day I had my freedom, dignity and a new home.â One of the Erumenta that Agenda cannot recognize out of hand announces.
âAnd my own. My whole family, those that were enslaved are freed, those that were indoctrinated into that wretched way of life have been allowed time to recover.â Biran says grandly.
âThey took me in.â A smaller voice says as Karim rises up. âIâm a HloâShab. Death Born. I could have reasonably only expected to have my core shattered, or shunned for my entire life. Instead I have a home.â
âAnd... to be Death Born means what?â
âI am a Slohb. By blood I have only one true parent. I was broken off of them far too soon and they died as I survived. Death Born. Or... well, I donât have blood but... you get the idea right?â Karim asks.
âI understand.â Observer Wu notes. âI have more calls incoming. Is there more from Vucsa for me to see or hear?â
âOver here!â A jubilant voice calls out and the room turns to see Hewhew standing on the shoulders of Heffer to tower over everyone with the Agelaâs height added to his own. âRed Five calling it in! The Vucsa Defence Fleets fly fast and proud to keep our home safe!â
The crowd around him, pilots all, throw up their right arms and cheer along with Hewhew. âWelcome to the Galaxy Observer! Weâre ten tons of awesome in a two pound bag! Letâs rock!â
Observer Wu smiles as he looks around. âI look forwards to discovering the truth of things.â
âThatâs the fun part of the galaxy sir, itâs so absurd we donât need to lie.â Miles states and Observer Wu turns back to him with a smirk.
âWell, we shall see, wonât we?â He asks. âIs there anything more?â
âI take it youâre not in the mood for a display of flight prowess? Weâve been working on a new routine.â Hewhew calls out.
âPerhaps later. I have numerous calls waiting.â Observer Wu states. âNow if youâll excuse me...â
~First~ Last
submitted by KyleKKent to HFY [link] [comments]
(Got up Early to talk about the CPAP machine and such. Only to be given an appointment on friday. So yeah, in trying to solve a sleep issue Iâm giving myself more of one. Incidentally Friday will be late due to well, the CPAP retrieval and tutorial)
The Pirates
âSo, theyâre here.â Agenda says contently as she finishes feeding her fussiest little girl.
âYep!â Jingay chirps happily as her freshly hatched little children are happily playing on the glowing, shimmering platform that her rattle has brought to life. She canât do anything complicated, but a soft shiny platform for her little slithers to play around in? She can do that, but it takes some focus. The tiny fluffy child of Vuni is cuddling the strong Jungle Nagasha tail that wraps around her own tail.
âHow formal a call do you think we should make?â Miles asks in an amused tone.
âNot especially, after all the babes ensure it will never be properly formal, theyâre too happy and healthy.â Agenda notes.
âI blame you for that.â Miles says and Agenda laughs.
âIf you donât want the blame Iâll take it.â Vuni remarks.
âYouâre just as guilty.â Miles says and Vuni laughs in response.
âWhatâs going to happen?â Jingay asks and Miles is pensive for a moment.
âI donât know.â He notes as his hand gently rubs the handle of his revolver. The constant rubbing had necessitated him re-burning the names of his family back into it. âBut no amount of waffling about will let me know. So if you donât mind. Iâve been... getting something a little ready.â
âIs this what youâve been sneaking around to do for the last three days?â Agenda asks.
âSomething like that. Itâs a bit of a treat I wanted to give you girls so... care to join me?â He offers.
âWhat have you done?â
âMe and the boys got together a great big feast so that we can all talk The Inevitable at once. It took a bit of doing, but when the boys and I get moving, we really get moving.â
âAre you including Red Squadron and Biran in that?â
âAnd a lot of cadets too. Markus gave them a proper mission in setting up the area.â He says.
âHow is that a mission?â
âIt involves deploying a military force to secure and prepare an area for higher ranking officers to approach and remain there for a time.â Miles says before offering his hand. âThereâs plenty of space for all our little ones, and for all our allies. Give them all a big impression. How does that sound?â
âWell, if youâve been planning this for days.â
âI have. All of us have.â
âThen I suppose we HAVE to show up, donât we?â Agenda says in a luxurious tone. âIâll get my coat.â
âąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâąĂâą
The hall that Miles leads them to is a massive refurbished hanger that has all kinds of carpets put down, tapestries hanging from the ceiling and tables upon tables of different treats of all sorts already out. The Undaunted Cadets are all rushing around putting down more meals and treats and between the richness of the carpets, the crystal bowls and platters and expensive drinks and foods. But the sort of... scrambled way itâs been put together by the cadets lends it an earnestness that bleeds through. More important though are numerous floating platforms where a child can be safely put down and be right beside their parent.
âOh this is a treat. I havenât even been one of you guys for long!â A four part harmony says as Moira walks in with little LiÇ ShĂč napping in the arms of the four bodies that didnât speak. The toxic little girl not only has numerous of the protective pendents on her and woven into her clothing, but is in a dark jumper that lets her bright skin stand out as if for presentation.
âWell, as their novels say, all for one, and one for all.â A new voice says as a pair of Cannidors lead in their own family. More and more and more people pour in from all entrances, many in uniform, many of them her own girls. Some of them she barely recognizes. Every single one of them that notices her looking raises a glass, nods, salutes or somehow pays their respects to her.
Her little one squirms ever so and is softly comforted. For a moment there is almost a feeling of vertigo. There was a time where all this wasnât even a dream of a dream. She could remember the feeling. How could she forget it? The sensation of something gripping your very mind and soul and stopping you from even thinking of disobeying. Then so long trying to get things right, trying to be in control of her own destiny, before finally achieving it and learning just how hard that was. How many sacrifices and concessions she made before what seemed to be one of her final concessions... turned out to be final in the best of ways.
âAlright! We have a connection to The Inevitable! Who wants to say hello to the next batch of humans in the galaxy?â Ryu calls out.
âMy Lady?â Miles asks as he smiles up at her. She gives him a raised eyebrow at that.
âMy lady is it? Well then, I better live up to it.â She says.
âConnect us!â She commands and there is a cheer through the room before a massive projector uses one of the tapestry covered walls as a screen. âGood Ship Inevitable! Can you hear me?â
âWe can, you are on a friendly frequency.â A man of Asian Descent says sitting stiffly in his command chair. âI am Observer Wu, sent from Earth to conclusively determine what is going on outside our corner of the galaxy. Identify yourself please.â
âI am Duchess Agenda Lilpaw! I am the ruler of the Vucsa System an Undaunted World! I greet you, because I have long learned my lesson to stay on the good side of humans!â
âHave you now? If Iâm not mistaken that is a fully grown human right next to you. You look like you could take him fairly easily.â Observer Wu says in an amused tone.
She looks down to Miles before shaking her head.
âI made that mistake once. My entire ship was not enough.â She says fondly before pulling him close. âThen I was offered a deal, and he used it to help make me a duchess. So youâll forgive me if I think humans are a good thing to have around.â
âDid he now? I didnât realize galactic conquest was the intent of The Dauntless and her crew.â Wu notes.
âWell, as one of the conquered, I would like to say I prefer this result. After all, being able to walk about the city without a bodyguard is a welcome change of pace.â Vuni says drawing attention to herself with a slight bow. âAmbassador Vuni Luxed at your service.â
âSo this world prefers to be conquered?â Observer Wu asks.
âThis world was a slum at itâs best. A hellscape at worst.â Mari Horny states as the Carib woman waves to the camera. âMari Horny. I was here to witness it all. Iâve seen slaves freed, monsters hunted down no matter what kind of power or influence they have, be they person or beast. With them Iâve seen the children I worked so hard to protect grow stronger and thrive. Doom has come to this world time after time, and they met it each time. If youâre here to observe, then observe this room! Everyone here saved, aided or inspired by the people youâve come to evaluate! There are ten pure blooded humans in this room, but beyond it is nearly a billion souls who will vouch for them from the first to last! And so will I!â
âNo need to be so dramatic maâam. Iâm an observer, not a judge. I am here to see and hear without bias or illusions. Things are odd, and odd things have happened. The governments and officials back home need to understand clearly and without any doubt. So that is why I am here. There was confusion in the first message sent back. The second furthered the confusion due to multiple parties having separate interests. I have been tested, tried and guaranteed numerous concessions and payments for an utterly neutral perspective.â
âSo your word is going to be how all is, then they decide if we committed treachery.â Franklin notes as he floats up with several bundles around him, many of them laughing. âBehold this then. My children. All healthy, with myself as the only human parent. My daughters take after their mothers, my son takes after me, but has his motherâs strength.â
âHe is nearly transparent.â Observer Wu notes before Franklin gives the little boy a tickle and he flickers in and out of visibility while laughing. âMost interesting. This Vucsa world of yours, before I do my research upon it, is there something you would like to say about it?â
âThis is a world on the edge of Wild Space. Which means that itâs often been used in the past as a place where experiments happened.â Miles says.
âInteresting. Such as?â Observer Wu asks.
âSuch as my daughter here. I am Moira Octalliry, I will cut through the details and simply state that my anatomy allowed me to be experimented on a great deal.â She says and Observer Wu looks at her oddly.
âAre you one, or many?â
âI am one, but I am eight as one.â She says. âAs is my daughter, I have named her LiÇ ShĂč. She was a piece of myself remade to produce a weapon. She and I were both rescued. I was forgotten in darkness for thousands of years, as was my daughter. Held in a single moment in time and left to rot.â
âAnd... is she a weapon?â
âI am told you have creatures similar to her new ability back on your homeworld.â
âWe do? What is the name of this creature?â
âThe Poison Dart Frog.â She says and Observer Wuâs eyebrows go up.
âDonât forget about the fact that we fought off that robot witch!â
âRobot Witch?â Wu prompts.
âA weapon of war created by a very large, dangerous and expansive criminal family. A death robot known as Mother Massacre.â Moira says. âSo consider that. Without them going... I donât even know what to call it, I saw the contradicting orders, without them going sane for lack of a better term, I would still be in a slowly failing stasis capsule, buried and forgotten in the darkness.â
âAnd so, in summation, and from the mouths of those that clearly trust them what is your opinion of The Undaunted and the humans that make it up?â
âWhen I was brought to this world it was as a slave, my dignity ripped from me, my home destroyed and in less than a day I had my freedom, dignity and a new home.â One of the Erumenta that Agenda cannot recognize out of hand announces.
âAnd my own. My whole family, those that were enslaved are freed, those that were indoctrinated into that wretched way of life have been allowed time to recover.â Biran says grandly.
âThey took me in.â A smaller voice says as Karim rises up. âIâm a HloâShab. Death Born. I could have reasonably only expected to have my core shattered, or shunned for my entire life. Instead I have a home.â
âAnd... to be Death Born means what?â
âI am a Slohb. By blood I have only one true parent. I was broken off of them far too soon and they died as I survived. Death Born. Or... well, I donât have blood but... you get the idea right?â Karim asks.
âI understand.â Observer Wu notes. âI have more calls incoming. Is there more from Vucsa for me to see or hear?â
âOver here!â A jubilant voice calls out and the room turns to see Hewhew standing on the shoulders of Heffer to tower over everyone with the Agelaâs height added to his own. âRed Five calling it in! The Vucsa Defence Fleets fly fast and proud to keep our home safe!â
The crowd around him, pilots all, throw up their right arms and cheer along with Hewhew. âWelcome to the Galaxy Observer! Weâre ten tons of awesome in a two pound bag! Letâs rock!â
Observer Wu smiles as he looks around. âI look forwards to discovering the truth of things.â
âThatâs the fun part of the galaxy sir, itâs so absurd we donât need to lie.â Miles states and Observer Wu turns back to him with a smirk.
âWell, we shall see, wonât we?â He asks. âIs there anything more?â
âI take it youâre not in the mood for a display of flight prowess? Weâve been working on a new routine.â Hewhew calls out.
âPerhaps later. I have numerous calls waiting.â Observer Wu states. âNow if youâll excuse me...â
~First~ Last
2024.05.13 23:17 MightyMoosePoop [All] How an Amazon OP today is some evidence many socialists starve for capitalism reform like PRC or like centrally command economies like the USSR.
In an OP today titled, "Would Amazon exist in a purely socialist country?" socialist after socialist claimed quickly and with little to no qualifiers resounding "yes".
These "Yes" really told us nonsocialists a lot about you socialists. This was mind boggling. Mind boggling because the majority socialists on here reject Marxist-Leninist history (e.g., not socialism), but here many of you claim that Amazonon existing in a socialist country would be so obviously, "Yes". We are talking about an innovation company that is probably the most significant market global impact in the world since Ford's assembly line.
I cannot understate the following enough and why socialists are particularly bad at the following. If you seek benefits then what are the costs???
In this case, Amazon is going to change jobs for millions of workers and even workers are going to lose jobs. Right now, Amazon has a pharmacy. It is going to put a strain on local pharmacies and some will go under. How is that pro workers?
Pro consumers? YES
Then, mostly Amazon is not a producer but a third party. So they are almost no matter what you do a capitalist model. As they are going in order to function have to profit off of other industries - profit off of workers. Thus this means for most of you socialists you have to enact forms of laws, edicts, or some form of constitutional framework to protect "the workers" from being exploited by Amazon.
Lastly, that's me working through the problem. Those reading this may have other ideas. I'm not saying I have all the answers. I'm saying it is really sad I have more ideas than the socialists on that thread. The socialists on the thread just seem to go, "Yes" like it will be no problem - smh. And that is really telling how in the clouds most socialists are and don't take the economic realities of their ideology.
tl;dr Something stinks and isn't on the so-called capitalism side.
submitted by MightyMoosePoop to CapitalismVSocialism [link] [comments]
These "Yes" really told us nonsocialists a lot about you socialists. This was mind boggling. Mind boggling because the majority socialists on here reject Marxist-Leninist history (e.g., not socialism), but here many of you claim that Amazonon existing in a socialist country would be so obviously, "Yes". We are talking about an innovation company that is probably the most significant market global impact in the world since Ford's assembly line.
Ranking fifth in the world in terms of market cap with a staggering $1.045 trillion (CompaniesMarketCap, 2023), Amazon has been able to cement itself as a global giant that has altered how we shop and live. Expanding beyond just delivering goods, it is also a media streaming service and manufactures other technologies such as âAlexaâ. Amazon has quickly become one of the most recognizable company names throughout the world. It has achieved such success that it has become commonly used as a verb in everyday language, much like âGoogle.â However, like many other large corporations today such as Google and Facebook, Amazon started out as a small business building its way up to being a large corporation. The History of Amazon and its Rise to Success â Michigan Journal of Economics (umich.edu)This leads me to conclude a few things about socialists on here:
- The most obvious is most on that thread are delusional
- Some on that thread are closeted about your true ideals with your public ideals of anarchist and libertarian ideals and do want a centralized authoritarian system of socialism like the USSR.
- Some want Dengist Chinese flavor socialism%2C) that overseas capitalism where a person did cite BABA - Chinese Amazon.
I cannot understate the following enough and why socialists are particularly bad at the following. If you seek benefits then what are the costs???
In this case, Amazon is going to change jobs for millions of workers and even workers are going to lose jobs. Right now, Amazon has a pharmacy. It is going to put a strain on local pharmacies and some will go under. How is that pro workers?
Pro consumers? YES
Then, mostly Amazon is not a producer but a third party. So they are almost no matter what you do a capitalist model. As they are going in order to function have to profit off of other industries - profit off of workers. Thus this means for most of you socialists you have to enact forms of laws, edicts, or some form of constitutional framework to protect "the workers" from being exploited by Amazon.
- How are you going to do that?
- How are you going to do that and yet have all the wonderful benefits of "Amazon"?
Lastly, that's me working through the problem. Those reading this may have other ideas. I'm not saying I have all the answers. I'm saying it is really sad I have more ideas than the socialists on that thread. The socialists on the thread just seem to go, "Yes" like it will be no problem - smh. And that is really telling how in the clouds most socialists are and don't take the economic realities of their ideology.
tl;dr Something stinks and isn't on the so-called capitalism side.
2024.05.13 23:17 CAPTNBALLS Am I gifted?
So I am not sure if I have abilities others don't or if I am more sensitive than the average person,
Background, I grew up in a haunted house but never experienced anything really outside of feeling like someone may be watching me, I had heard from other family what they had experienced when I was too young to remember.
As I got older I have always been different from most, however I have some mental issues, bipolar,ptsd,anxiety,addiction
I've always had vary vivid dreams from a young age, as I've gotten older I was very depressed and stuck to myself being homeschooled after the fith grade, I got into drugs at 17 and became addicted to various substances plus my mental illness went wild, however I no longer take substances outside of cannabis and mushrooms. I'm also as stable as I can been on medications.
As I moved out of the house at 13 to another I would get nightmares being in the old house and I would be getting tormented by spirits, It started as just a haunted house trying to scare me, then I got mad because of the occurrence and would be in a vivid dream taunting it, never really winning it would laugh or only show itself when it wanted to not me.
In my dreams I will see my loved ones like normal but be able to tell that isn't them and will notice and then my dreams get weird and I either wake up or try to get away, I'm aware now and don't get them as often but it was terrifying at a point.
I got into reading the satanic bible, lucifieran bible and necronomicon, at one point, during this I had a vivid dream I wasn't on this planet and went to a place that was dark with odd terain and glowing green water, however I had a dream I was going into a church and instead of a normal pastor it was a demonic one and had a cloak over his face , I had a rosary with a bone and gave it to him, accepting that I don't have power in my dreams and am sorry for taunting the spirits in my reoccurring nightmares, it went down to know I only have them rarely and know what's going on everytime it happens again.
During my addictions I have experienced sleep paralysis and it was terrifying, like a demonic smoke figure in a cloak looking at me feeding of the fear,
I have had my aunt pass and visit me in my dreams, I have had my grandpa pass and visit me in my dreams, I didn't get to say goodbye, and got closure in my dream, I woke up feeling like the hug was real.
I knew the night before my grandpa passed he was going to had a gut feeling but I decided not to follow that instinct, next morning I woke up to uncle banging the door however my dream was a old guy in a room that didn't have anything, just sitting infront of me no conversation, woke up and my grandpa was gone, feel it was him but didn't wanna show me it was him yet.
Anymore my nightmares if I have them are usually still in the old house and has to do with a spirit trying to take the shape of my loved ones, I have never seen the spirit responsible, only felt it in my dreams and heard laughs when I try to be more powerful than it.
Not super long ago I had a dream a tornado was coming for me at my current house, we had stroms not super long after and while it wasn't my house it hit 30 minutes away from me and my girlfriends step dads house got hit.
I feel like I am sensitive to energy, I can sense the feelings of being watched at times, getting goosebumps and hair standing up not due to the cold but somthing around, especially when I talk to people or give them tarot card readings, I can end up with my hairs standing or goosebumps if the conversation felt like it resonates with me.
I have an amazing relationship with my girlfriend, we I belive are twin flames, so similar, almost like we can read eachothers minds at times and say the same things at the same time often or can guess what she's about to say at times, but I also feel whenever her energy shifts and so does she if mine shifts.
I can sense if a person is good or bad, I can also at times sense somthing bad a long time in advance before it actually happens. Unfortunately.
One of the best new experiences I have had was taking mushrooms with my girlfriend for healing, I do it somewhat often, helped with grief , addictions, mental health, spirituality,
It brings us closer together and helps us both to heal, I didn't know it was possible but we managed to be able to use our energy on eachother while tripping and have what feels like full on sex without any touching involved, it can last for a long time too, this has happened the last 3-4 times we have tripped once we discovered how to tap into each other's minds. It's almost better than having actual sex, I feel like we leave our bodies and full on merge together as one during this time.
Now this is were it gets weird , a few days back we went to a place in amish country and once inside I noticed it felt off, however to not waste money and with everyone posting such good reviews figured we would stay and take mushrooms for healing as we do about once every month - 2 months,
I had the feeling in this house that the loft and basement were bad places to be, like being watched and feeling like there was somthing in this house, not sure what but something the first floor felt the best but still uneasy,
We had grabbed a clock from downstairs, plugged things into this one outlet next to the stairs and clock prior to taking mushrooms, they were charging, clock worked. Outlet worked, downstairs had a weird sad vibe to it ,weird musty smell also Sulphur smells randomly and even the water smelled like Sulphur there was a hornet in the toilet when we got there and had to flush it, also was 2 stains on the cieling in basement, not sure if it was water leak or if someone may have passed in the house and it soaked thru the ceiling of basement.
We wanted to paint eachother as we took the mushrooms, we did this until they started to kick in and once they kicked in we went and started fear and loathing in lost vegas, once I started getting closed eye visuals and working on my innerwork, my girlfriend felt like she wanted to go downstairs to lay in bed,
We stayed in bed holding eachother , bonding, eventually tuning into eachothers energy having sex without actually having it, then we couldn't hold back anymore and actually had sex, however we stayed down there until the trip wore off, it was about 3 am and everything switched on us.
She was feeling really sad and like she wanted to leave this place, I felt like I was being watched down there and somthing bad had happened in the past, I went to go upstairs was kinda afraid to alone but eventually went upstairs because she wouldn't at the time, tried to charge my phone and the outlet and clock didn't work anymore, I had been talking about leaving the house because she was feeling targeted and I felt like it didn't like either of us but like it wanted to feed off her if she went to sleep.
We went upstairs at a point and when I was asking if there were spirit's in the house and that if so I meant no disrespect and will only be staying until we could leave in the morning safely, as I would talk about the spirits seemed like my girlfriend would feel sick, same as being in the bed, very sad while downstairs.
I opened a bible and it was weird it didn't even feel like real paper , it also was moving by itself somewhat like working against me or moving for me to point out things, the clock on the wall was moving way faster than normal after this,
I tried getting her to leave , I didn't want to stay anylonger but knew we had to wait until sunlight atleast, she fell asleep and I was sitting next to her in this erie basement, had to turn the fan on because felt like if it was quiet I would loose it, what's not normal is the fact that she went to sleep and didn't really move, make sounds or anything like usual. I felt like I could hear people upstairs as she was asleep, almost like music was playing or a man signing and it was on repeat it would come and go, such low volume but also loud , the fan in the mix didn't help but I didn't wanna hear it anylouder.
I ended up trying to sleep and kinda did for a few hours but no dream I was hoping I would have a vivid dream of what happened in this house.
In the morning got our stuff packed up and left, before leaving I had used a ghost box. Told the spirit we were about to leave and as my girlfriend was going to the car it talked, then when she came back inside I left the ghostbox going and it talked while we were both there. I told it that we are leaving and this is your house but you are not welcome to come with us. Right as I opened the door I got a whiff of sulphur and as we left the house sulphur smell followed for a while.
Went to a shop got sage, used it before we got home, then yesterday unpacked from our trip and I made the joke about hopefully nothing came back with us from there. I went fishing and used the scissors from the house, i forgot to put them back so I have them. I saged our room, bags, clothes and once I found it left it outside in our burn barrel, didn't wanna risk it being in the house.
Last night we should have gotten good rest tho and we did not so I wonder if it had to do with those scissors coming from that house. đ€
Anyways, long story but honest opinion would be helpful and on top of that if theres a way to strengthen my senses and all that would love to know!
submitted by CAPTNBALLS to occult [link] [comments]
Background, I grew up in a haunted house but never experienced anything really outside of feeling like someone may be watching me, I had heard from other family what they had experienced when I was too young to remember.
As I got older I have always been different from most, however I have some mental issues, bipolar,ptsd,anxiety,addiction
I've always had vary vivid dreams from a young age, as I've gotten older I was very depressed and stuck to myself being homeschooled after the fith grade, I got into drugs at 17 and became addicted to various substances plus my mental illness went wild, however I no longer take substances outside of cannabis and mushrooms. I'm also as stable as I can been on medications.
As I moved out of the house at 13 to another I would get nightmares being in the old house and I would be getting tormented by spirits, It started as just a haunted house trying to scare me, then I got mad because of the occurrence and would be in a vivid dream taunting it, never really winning it would laugh or only show itself when it wanted to not me.
In my dreams I will see my loved ones like normal but be able to tell that isn't them and will notice and then my dreams get weird and I either wake up or try to get away, I'm aware now and don't get them as often but it was terrifying at a point.
I got into reading the satanic bible, lucifieran bible and necronomicon, at one point, during this I had a vivid dream I wasn't on this planet and went to a place that was dark with odd terain and glowing green water, however I had a dream I was going into a church and instead of a normal pastor it was a demonic one and had a cloak over his face , I had a rosary with a bone and gave it to him, accepting that I don't have power in my dreams and am sorry for taunting the spirits in my reoccurring nightmares, it went down to know I only have them rarely and know what's going on everytime it happens again.
During my addictions I have experienced sleep paralysis and it was terrifying, like a demonic smoke figure in a cloak looking at me feeding of the fear,
I have had my aunt pass and visit me in my dreams, I have had my grandpa pass and visit me in my dreams, I didn't get to say goodbye, and got closure in my dream, I woke up feeling like the hug was real.
I knew the night before my grandpa passed he was going to had a gut feeling but I decided not to follow that instinct, next morning I woke up to uncle banging the door however my dream was a old guy in a room that didn't have anything, just sitting infront of me no conversation, woke up and my grandpa was gone, feel it was him but didn't wanna show me it was him yet.
Anymore my nightmares if I have them are usually still in the old house and has to do with a spirit trying to take the shape of my loved ones, I have never seen the spirit responsible, only felt it in my dreams and heard laughs when I try to be more powerful than it.
Not super long ago I had a dream a tornado was coming for me at my current house, we had stroms not super long after and while it wasn't my house it hit 30 minutes away from me and my girlfriends step dads house got hit.
I feel like I am sensitive to energy, I can sense the feelings of being watched at times, getting goosebumps and hair standing up not due to the cold but somthing around, especially when I talk to people or give them tarot card readings, I can end up with my hairs standing or goosebumps if the conversation felt like it resonates with me.
I have an amazing relationship with my girlfriend, we I belive are twin flames, so similar, almost like we can read eachothers minds at times and say the same things at the same time often or can guess what she's about to say at times, but I also feel whenever her energy shifts and so does she if mine shifts.
I can sense if a person is good or bad, I can also at times sense somthing bad a long time in advance before it actually happens. Unfortunately.
One of the best new experiences I have had was taking mushrooms with my girlfriend for healing, I do it somewhat often, helped with grief , addictions, mental health, spirituality,
It brings us closer together and helps us both to heal, I didn't know it was possible but we managed to be able to use our energy on eachother while tripping and have what feels like full on sex without any touching involved, it can last for a long time too, this has happened the last 3-4 times we have tripped once we discovered how to tap into each other's minds. It's almost better than having actual sex, I feel like we leave our bodies and full on merge together as one during this time.
Now this is were it gets weird , a few days back we went to a place in amish country and once inside I noticed it felt off, however to not waste money and with everyone posting such good reviews figured we would stay and take mushrooms for healing as we do about once every month - 2 months,
I had the feeling in this house that the loft and basement were bad places to be, like being watched and feeling like there was somthing in this house, not sure what but something the first floor felt the best but still uneasy,
We had grabbed a clock from downstairs, plugged things into this one outlet next to the stairs and clock prior to taking mushrooms, they were charging, clock worked. Outlet worked, downstairs had a weird sad vibe to it ,weird musty smell also Sulphur smells randomly and even the water smelled like Sulphur there was a hornet in the toilet when we got there and had to flush it, also was 2 stains on the cieling in basement, not sure if it was water leak or if someone may have passed in the house and it soaked thru the ceiling of basement.
We wanted to paint eachother as we took the mushrooms, we did this until they started to kick in and once they kicked in we went and started fear and loathing in lost vegas, once I started getting closed eye visuals and working on my innerwork, my girlfriend felt like she wanted to go downstairs to lay in bed,
We stayed in bed holding eachother , bonding, eventually tuning into eachothers energy having sex without actually having it, then we couldn't hold back anymore and actually had sex, however we stayed down there until the trip wore off, it was about 3 am and everything switched on us.
She was feeling really sad and like she wanted to leave this place, I felt like I was being watched down there and somthing bad had happened in the past, I went to go upstairs was kinda afraid to alone but eventually went upstairs because she wouldn't at the time, tried to charge my phone and the outlet and clock didn't work anymore, I had been talking about leaving the house because she was feeling targeted and I felt like it didn't like either of us but like it wanted to feed off her if she went to sleep.
We went upstairs at a point and when I was asking if there were spirit's in the house and that if so I meant no disrespect and will only be staying until we could leave in the morning safely, as I would talk about the spirits seemed like my girlfriend would feel sick, same as being in the bed, very sad while downstairs.
I opened a bible and it was weird it didn't even feel like real paper , it also was moving by itself somewhat like working against me or moving for me to point out things, the clock on the wall was moving way faster than normal after this,
I tried getting her to leave , I didn't want to stay anylonger but knew we had to wait until sunlight atleast, she fell asleep and I was sitting next to her in this erie basement, had to turn the fan on because felt like if it was quiet I would loose it, what's not normal is the fact that she went to sleep and didn't really move, make sounds or anything like usual. I felt like I could hear people upstairs as she was asleep, almost like music was playing or a man signing and it was on repeat it would come and go, such low volume but also loud , the fan in the mix didn't help but I didn't wanna hear it anylouder.
I ended up trying to sleep and kinda did for a few hours but no dream I was hoping I would have a vivid dream of what happened in this house.
In the morning got our stuff packed up and left, before leaving I had used a ghost box. Told the spirit we were about to leave and as my girlfriend was going to the car it talked, then when she came back inside I left the ghostbox going and it talked while we were both there. I told it that we are leaving and this is your house but you are not welcome to come with us. Right as I opened the door I got a whiff of sulphur and as we left the house sulphur smell followed for a while.
Went to a shop got sage, used it before we got home, then yesterday unpacked from our trip and I made the joke about hopefully nothing came back with us from there. I went fishing and used the scissors from the house, i forgot to put them back so I have them. I saged our room, bags, clothes and once I found it left it outside in our burn barrel, didn't wanna risk it being in the house.
Last night we should have gotten good rest tho and we did not so I wonder if it had to do with those scissors coming from that house. đ€
Anyways, long story but honest opinion would be helpful and on top of that if theres a way to strengthen my senses and all that would love to know!
2024.05.13 23:16 CAPTNBALLS Am I gifted?
So I am not sure if I have abilities others don't or if I am more sensitive than the average person,
Background, I grew up in a haunted house but never experienced anything really outside of feeling like someone may be watching me, I had heard from other family what they had experienced when I was too young to remember.
As I got older I have always been different from most, however I have some mental issues, bipolar,ptsd,anxiety,addiction
I've always had vary vivid dreams from a young age, as I've gotten older I was very depressed and stuck to myself being homeschooled after the fith grade, I got into drugs at 17 and became addicted to various substances plus my mental illness went wild, however I no longer take substances outside of cannabis and mushrooms. I'm also as stable as I can been on medications.
As I moved out of the house at 13 to another I would get nightmares being in the old house and I would be getting tormented by spirits, It started as just a haunted house trying to scare me, then I got mad because of the occurrence and would be in a vivid dream taunting it, never really winning it would laugh or only show itself when it wanted to not me.
In my dreams I will see my loved ones like normal but be able to tell that isn't them and will notice and then my dreams get weird and I either wake up or try to get away, I'm aware now and don't get them as often but it was terrifying at a point.
I got into reading the satanic bible, lucifieran bible and necronomicon, at one point, during this I had a vivid dream I wasn't on this planet and went to a place that was dark with odd terain and glowing green water, however I had a dream I was going into a church and instead of a normal pastor it was a demonic one and had a cloak over his face , I had a rosary with a bone and gave it to him, accepting that I don't have power in my dreams and am sorry for taunting the spirits in my reoccurring nightmares, it went down to know I only have them rarely and know what's going on everytime it happens again.
During my addictions I have experienced sleep paralysis and it was terrifying, like a demonic smoke figure in a cloak looking at me feeding of the fear,
I have had my aunt pass and visit me in my dreams, I have had my grandpa pass and visit me in my dreams, I didn't get to say goodbye, and got closure in my dream, I woke up feeling like the hug was real.
I knew the night before my grandpa passed he was going to had a gut feeling but I decided not to follow that instinct, next morning I woke up to uncle banging the door however my dream was a old guy in a room that didn't have anything, just sitting infront of me no conversation, woke up and my grandpa was gone, feel it was him but didn't wanna show me it was him yet.
Anymore my nightmares if I have them are usually still in the old house and has to do with a spirit trying to take the shape of my loved ones, I have never seen the spirit responsible, only felt it in my dreams and heard laughs when I try to be more powerful than it.
Not super long ago I had a dream a tornado was coming for me at my current house, we had stroms not super long after and while it wasn't my house it hit 30 minutes away from me and my girlfriends step dads house got hit.
I feel like I am sensitive to energy, I can sense the feelings of being watched at times, getting goosebumps and hair standing up not due to the cold but somthing around, especially when I talk to people or give them tarot card readings, I can end up with my hairs standing or goosebumps if the conversation felt like it resonates with me.
I have an amazing relationship with my girlfriend, we I belive are twin flames, so similar, almost like we can read eachothers minds at times and say the same things at the same time often or can guess what she's about to say at times, but I also feel whenever her energy shifts and so does she if mine shifts.
I can sense if a person is good or bad, I can also at times sense somthing bad a long time in advance before it actually happens. Unfortunately.
One of the best new experiences I have had was taking mushrooms with my girlfriend for healing, I do it somewhat often, helped with grief , addictions, mental health, spirituality,
It brings us closer together and helps us both to heal, I didn't know it was possible but we managed to be able to use our energy on eachother while tripping and have what feels like full on sex without any touching involved, it can last for a long time too, this has happened the last 3-4 times we have tripped once we discovered how to tap into each other's minds. It's almost better than having actual sex, I feel like we leave our bodies and full on merge together as one during this time.
Now this is were it gets weird , a few days back we went to a place in amish country and once inside I noticed it felt off, however to not waste money and with everyone posting such good reviews figured we would stay and take mushrooms for healing as we do about once every month - 2 months,
I had the feeling in this house that the loft and basement were bad places to be, like being watched and feeling like there was somthing in this house, not sure what but something the first floor felt the best but still uneasy,
We had grabbed a clock from downstairs, plugged things into this one outlet next to the stairs and clock prior to taking mushrooms, they were charging, clock worked. Outlet worked, downstairs had a weird sad vibe to it ,weird musty smell also Sulphur smells randomly and even the water smelled like Sulphur there was a hornet in the toilet when we got there and had to flush it, also was 2 stains on the cieling in basement, not sure if it was water leak or if someone may have passed in the house and it soaked thru the ceiling of basement.
We wanted to paint eachother as we took the mushrooms, we did this until they started to kick in and once they kicked in we went and started fear and loathing in lost vegas, once I started getting closed eye visuals and working on my innerwork, my girlfriend felt like she wanted to go downstairs to lay in bed,
We stayed in bed holding eachother , bonding, eventually tuning into eachothers energy having sex without actually having it, then we couldn't hold back anymore and actually had sex, however we stayed down there until the trip wore off, it was about 3 am and everything switched on us.
She was feeling really sad and like she wanted to leave this place, I felt like I was being watched down there and somthing bad had happened in the past, I went to go upstairs was kinda afraid to alone but eventually went upstairs because she wouldn't at the time, tried to charge my phone and the outlet and clock didn't work anymore, I had been talking about leaving the house because she was feeling targeted and I felt like it didn't like either of us but like it wanted to feed off her if she went to sleep.
We went upstairs at a point and when I was asking if there were spirit's in the house and that if so I meant no disrespect and will only be staying until we could leave in the morning safely, as I would talk about the spirits seemed like my girlfriend would feel sick, same as being in the bed, very sad while downstairs.
I opened a bible and it was weird it didn't even feel like real paper , it also was moving by itself somewhat like working against me or moving for me to point out things, the clock on the wall was moving way faster than normal after this,
I tried getting her to leave , I didn't want to stay anylonger but knew we had to wait until sunlight atleast, she fell asleep and I was sitting next to her in this erie basement, had to turn the fan on because felt like if it was quiet I would loose it, what's not normal is the fact that she went to sleep and didn't really move, make sounds or anything like usual. I felt like I could hear people upstairs as she was asleep, almost like music was playing or a man signing and it was on repeat it would come and go, such low volume but also loud , the fan in the mix didn't help but I didn't wanna hear it anylouder.
I ended up trying to sleep and kinda did for a few hours but no dream I was hoping I would have a vivid dream of what happened in this house.
In the morning got our stuff packed up and left, before leaving I had used a ghost box. Told the spirit we were about to leave and as my girlfriend was going to the car it talked, then when she came back inside I left the ghostbox going and it talked while we were both there. I told it that we are leaving and this is your house but you are not welcome to come with us. Right as I opened the door I got a whiff of sulphur and as we left the house sulphur smell followed for a while.
Went to a shop got sage, used it before we got home, then yesterday unpacked from our trip and I made the joke about hopefully nothing came back with us from there. I went fishing and used the scissors from the house, i forgot to put them back so I have them. I saged our room, bags, clothes and once I found it left it outside in our burn barrel, didn't wanna risk it being in the house.
Last night we should have gotten good rest tho and we did not so I wonder if it had to do with those scissors coming from that house. đ€
Anyways, long story but honest opinion would be helpful and on top of that if theres a way to strengthen my senses and all that would love to know!
submitted by CAPTNBALLS to Wicca [link] [comments]
Background, I grew up in a haunted house but never experienced anything really outside of feeling like someone may be watching me, I had heard from other family what they had experienced when I was too young to remember.
As I got older I have always been different from most, however I have some mental issues, bipolar,ptsd,anxiety,addiction
I've always had vary vivid dreams from a young age, as I've gotten older I was very depressed and stuck to myself being homeschooled after the fith grade, I got into drugs at 17 and became addicted to various substances plus my mental illness went wild, however I no longer take substances outside of cannabis and mushrooms. I'm also as stable as I can been on medications.
As I moved out of the house at 13 to another I would get nightmares being in the old house and I would be getting tormented by spirits, It started as just a haunted house trying to scare me, then I got mad because of the occurrence and would be in a vivid dream taunting it, never really winning it would laugh or only show itself when it wanted to not me.
In my dreams I will see my loved ones like normal but be able to tell that isn't them and will notice and then my dreams get weird and I either wake up or try to get away, I'm aware now and don't get them as often but it was terrifying at a point.
I got into reading the satanic bible, lucifieran bible and necronomicon, at one point, during this I had a vivid dream I wasn't on this planet and went to a place that was dark with odd terain and glowing green water, however I had a dream I was going into a church and instead of a normal pastor it was a demonic one and had a cloak over his face , I had a rosary with a bone and gave it to him, accepting that I don't have power in my dreams and am sorry for taunting the spirits in my reoccurring nightmares, it went down to know I only have them rarely and know what's going on everytime it happens again.
During my addictions I have experienced sleep paralysis and it was terrifying, like a demonic smoke figure in a cloak looking at me feeding of the fear,
I have had my aunt pass and visit me in my dreams, I have had my grandpa pass and visit me in my dreams, I didn't get to say goodbye, and got closure in my dream, I woke up feeling like the hug was real.
I knew the night before my grandpa passed he was going to had a gut feeling but I decided not to follow that instinct, next morning I woke up to uncle banging the door however my dream was a old guy in a room that didn't have anything, just sitting infront of me no conversation, woke up and my grandpa was gone, feel it was him but didn't wanna show me it was him yet.
Anymore my nightmares if I have them are usually still in the old house and has to do with a spirit trying to take the shape of my loved ones, I have never seen the spirit responsible, only felt it in my dreams and heard laughs when I try to be more powerful than it.
Not super long ago I had a dream a tornado was coming for me at my current house, we had stroms not super long after and while it wasn't my house it hit 30 minutes away from me and my girlfriends step dads house got hit.
I feel like I am sensitive to energy, I can sense the feelings of being watched at times, getting goosebumps and hair standing up not due to the cold but somthing around, especially when I talk to people or give them tarot card readings, I can end up with my hairs standing or goosebumps if the conversation felt like it resonates with me.
I have an amazing relationship with my girlfriend, we I belive are twin flames, so similar, almost like we can read eachothers minds at times and say the same things at the same time often or can guess what she's about to say at times, but I also feel whenever her energy shifts and so does she if mine shifts.
I can sense if a person is good or bad, I can also at times sense somthing bad a long time in advance before it actually happens. Unfortunately.
One of the best new experiences I have had was taking mushrooms with my girlfriend for healing, I do it somewhat often, helped with grief , addictions, mental health, spirituality,
It brings us closer together and helps us both to heal, I didn't know it was possible but we managed to be able to use our energy on eachother while tripping and have what feels like full on sex without any touching involved, it can last for a long time too, this has happened the last 3-4 times we have tripped once we discovered how to tap into each other's minds. It's almost better than having actual sex, I feel like we leave our bodies and full on merge together as one during this time.
Now this is were it gets weird , a few days back we went to a place in amish country and once inside I noticed it felt off, however to not waste money and with everyone posting such good reviews figured we would stay and take mushrooms for healing as we do about once every month - 2 months,
I had the feeling in this house that the loft and basement were bad places to be, like being watched and feeling like there was somthing in this house, not sure what but something the first floor felt the best but still uneasy,
We had grabbed a clock from downstairs, plugged things into this one outlet next to the stairs and clock prior to taking mushrooms, they were charging, clock worked. Outlet worked, downstairs had a weird sad vibe to it ,weird musty smell also Sulphur smells randomly and even the water smelled like Sulphur there was a hornet in the toilet when we got there and had to flush it, also was 2 stains on the cieling in basement, not sure if it was water leak or if someone may have passed in the house and it soaked thru the ceiling of basement.
We wanted to paint eachother as we took the mushrooms, we did this until they started to kick in and once they kicked in we went and started fear and loathing in lost vegas, once I started getting closed eye visuals and working on my innerwork, my girlfriend felt like she wanted to go downstairs to lay in bed,
We stayed in bed holding eachother , bonding, eventually tuning into eachothers energy having sex without actually having it, then we couldn't hold back anymore and actually had sex, however we stayed down there until the trip wore off, it was about 3 am and everything switched on us.
She was feeling really sad and like she wanted to leave this place, I felt like I was being watched down there and somthing bad had happened in the past, I went to go upstairs was kinda afraid to alone but eventually went upstairs because she wouldn't at the time, tried to charge my phone and the outlet and clock didn't work anymore, I had been talking about leaving the house because she was feeling targeted and I felt like it didn't like either of us but like it wanted to feed off her if she went to sleep.
We went upstairs at a point and when I was asking if there were spirit's in the house and that if so I meant no disrespect and will only be staying until we could leave in the morning safely, as I would talk about the spirits seemed like my girlfriend would feel sick, same as being in the bed, very sad while downstairs.
I opened a bible and it was weird it didn't even feel like real paper , it also was moving by itself somewhat like working against me or moving for me to point out things, the clock on the wall was moving way faster than normal after this,
I tried getting her to leave , I didn't want to stay anylonger but knew we had to wait until sunlight atleast, she fell asleep and I was sitting next to her in this erie basement, had to turn the fan on because felt like if it was quiet I would loose it, what's not normal is the fact that she went to sleep and didn't really move, make sounds or anything like usual. I felt like I could hear people upstairs as she was asleep, almost like music was playing or a man signing and it was on repeat it would come and go, such low volume but also loud , the fan in the mix didn't help but I didn't wanna hear it anylouder.
I ended up trying to sleep and kinda did for a few hours but no dream I was hoping I would have a vivid dream of what happened in this house.
In the morning got our stuff packed up and left, before leaving I had used a ghost box. Told the spirit we were about to leave and as my girlfriend was going to the car it talked, then when she came back inside I left the ghostbox going and it talked while we were both there. I told it that we are leaving and this is your house but you are not welcome to come with us. Right as I opened the door I got a whiff of sulphur and as we left the house sulphur smell followed for a while.
Went to a shop got sage, used it before we got home, then yesterday unpacked from our trip and I made the joke about hopefully nothing came back with us from there. I went fishing and used the scissors from the house, i forgot to put them back so I have them. I saged our room, bags, clothes and once I found it left it outside in our burn barrel, didn't wanna risk it being in the house.
Last night we should have gotten good rest tho and we did not so I wonder if it had to do with those scissors coming from that house. đ€
Anyways, long story but honest opinion would be helpful and on top of that if theres a way to strengthen my senses and all that would love to know!
2024.05.13 23:14 CAPTNBALLS Am I sensitive?
So I am not sure if I have abilities others don't or if I am more sensitive than the average person,
Background, I grew up in a haunted house but never experienced anything really outside of feeling like someone may be watching me, I had heard from other family what they had experienced when I was too young to remember.
As I got older I have always been different from most, however I have some mental issues, bipolar,ptsd,anxiety,addiction
I've always had vary vivid dreams from a young age, as I've gotten older I was very depressed and stuck to myself being homeschooled after the fith grade, I got into drugs at 17 and became addicted to various substances plus my mental illness went wild, however I no longer take substances outside of cannabis and mushrooms. I'm also as stable as I can been on medications.
As I moved out of the house at 13 to another I would get nightmares being in the old house and I would be getting tormented by spirits, It started as just a haunted house trying to scare me, then I got mad because of the occurrence and would be in a vivid dream taunting it, never really winning it would laugh or only show itself when it wanted to not me.
In my dreams I will see my loved ones like normal but be able to tell that isn't them and will notice and then my dreams get weird and I either wake up or try to get away, I'm aware now and don't get them as often but it was terrifying at a point.
I got into reading the satanic bible, lucifieran bible and necronomicon, at one point, during this I had a vivid dream I wasn't on this planet and went to a place that was dark with odd terain and glowing green water, however I had a dream I was going into a church and instead of a normal pastor it was a demonic one and had a cloak over his face , I had a rosary with a bone and gave it to him, accepting that I don't have power in my dreams and am sorry for taunting the spirits in my reoccurring nightmares, it went down to know I only have them rarely and know what's going on everytime it happens again.
During my addictions I have experienced sleep paralysis and it was terrifying, like a demonic smoke figure in a cloak looking at me feeding of the fear,
I have had my aunt pass and visit me in my dreams, I have had my grandpa pass and visit me in my dreams, I didn't get to say goodbye, and got closure in my dream, I woke up feeling like the hug was real.
I knew the night before my grandpa passed he was going to had a gut feeling but I decided not to follow that instinct, next morning I woke up to uncle banging the door however my dream was a old guy in a room that didn't have anything, just sitting infront of me no conversation, woke up and my grandpa was gone, feel it was him but didn't wanna show me it was him yet.
Anymore my nightmares if I have them are usually still in the old house and has to do with a spirit trying to take the shape of my loved ones, I have never seen the spirit responsible, only felt it in my dreams and heard laughs when I try to be more powerful than it.
Not super long ago I had a dream a tornado was coming for me at my current house, we had stroms not super long after and while it wasn't my house it hit 30 minutes away from me and my girlfriends step dads house got hit.
I feel like I am sensitive to energy, I can sense the feelings of being watched at times, getting goosebumps and hair standing up not due to the cold but somthing around, especially when I talk to people or give them tarot card readings, I can end up with my hairs standing or goosebumps if the conversation felt like it resonates with me.
I have an amazing relationship with my girlfriend, we I belive are twin flames, so similar, almost like we can read eachothers minds at times and say the same things at the same time often or can guess what she's about to say at times, but I also feel whenever her energy shifts and so does she if mine shifts.
I can sense if a person is good or bad, I can also at times sense somthing bad a long time in advance before it actually happens. Unfortunately.
One of the best new experiences I have had was taking mushrooms with my girlfriend for healing, I do it somewhat often, helped with grief , addictions, mental health, spirituality,
It brings us closer together and helps us both to heal, I didn't know it was possible but we managed to be able to use our energy on eachother while tripping and have what feels like full on sex without any touching involved, it can last for a long time too, this has happened the last 3-4 times we have tripped once we discovered how to tap into each other's minds. It's almost better than having actual sex, I feel like we leave our bodies and full on merge together as one during this time.
Now this is were it gets weird , a few days back we went to a place in amish country and once inside I noticed it felt off, however to not waste money and with everyone posting such good reviews figured we would stay and take mushrooms for healing as we do about once every month - 2 months,
I had the feeling in this house that the loft and basement were bad places to be, like being watched and feeling like there was somthing in this house, not sure what but something the first floor felt the best but still uneasy,
We had grabbed a clock from downstairs, plugged things into this one outlet next to the stairs and clock prior to taking mushrooms, they were charging, clock worked. Outlet worked, downstairs had a weird sad vibe to it ,weird musty smell also Sulphur smells randomly and even the water smelled like Sulphur there was a hornet in the toilet when we got there and had to flush it, also was 2 stains on the cieling in basement, not sure if it was water leak or if someone may have passed in the house and it soaked thru the ceiling of basement.
We wanted to paint eachother as we took the mushrooms, we did this until they started to kick in and once they kicked in we went and started fear and loathing in lost vegas, once I started getting closed eye visuals and working on my innerwork, my girlfriend felt like she wanted to go downstairs to lay in bed,
We stayed in bed holding eachother , bonding, eventually tuning into eachothers energy having sex without actually having it, then we couldn't hold back anymore and actually had sex, however we stayed down there until the trip wore off, it was about 3 am and everything switched on us.
She was feeling really sad and like she wanted to leave this place, I felt like I was being watched down there and somthing bad had happened in the past, I went to go upstairs was kinda afraid to alone but eventually went upstairs because she wouldn't at the time, tried to charge my phone and the outlet and clock didn't work anymore, I had been talking about leaving the house because she was feeling targeted and I felt like it didn't like either of us but like it wanted to feed off her if she went to sleep.
We went upstairs at a point and when I was asking if there were spirit's in the house and that if so I meant no disrespect and will only be staying until we could leave in the morning safely, as I would talk about the spirits seemed like my girlfriend would feel sick, same as being in the bed, very sad while downstairs.
I opened a bible and it was weird it didn't even feel like real paper , it also was moving by itself somewhat like working against me or moving for me to point out things, the clock on the wall was moving way faster than normal after this,
I tried getting her to leave , I didn't want to stay anylonger but knew we had to wait until sunlight atleast, she fell asleep and I was sitting next to her in this erie basement, had to turn the fan on because felt like if it was quiet I would loose it, what's not normal is the fact that she went to sleep and didn't really move, make sounds or anything like usual. I felt like I could hear people upstairs as she was asleep, almost like music was playing or a man signing and it was on repeat it would come and go, such low volume but also loud , the fan in the mix didn't help but I didn't wanna hear it anylouder.
I ended up trying to sleep and kinda did for a few hours but no dream I was hoping I would have a vivid dream of what happened in this house.
In the morning got our stuff packed up and left, before leaving I had used a ghost box. Told the spirit we were about to leave and as my girlfriend was going to the car it talked, then when she came back inside I left the ghostbox going and it talked while we were both there. I told it that we are leaving and this is your house but you are not welcome to come with us. Right as I opened the door I got a whiff of sulphur and as we left the house sulphur smell followed for a while.
Went to a shop got sage, used it before we got home, then yesterday unpacked from our trip and I made the joke about hopefully nothing came back with us from there. I went fishing and used the scissors from the house, i forgot to put them back so I have them. I saged our room, bags, clothes and once I found it left it outside in our burn barrel, didn't wanna risk it being in the house.
Last night we should have gotten good rest tho and we did not so I wonder if it had to do with those scissors coming from that house. đ€
Anyways, long story but honest opinion would be helpful and on top of that if theres a way to strengthen my senses and all that would love to know!
submitted by CAPTNBALLS to Psychic [link] [comments]
Background, I grew up in a haunted house but never experienced anything really outside of feeling like someone may be watching me, I had heard from other family what they had experienced when I was too young to remember.
As I got older I have always been different from most, however I have some mental issues, bipolar,ptsd,anxiety,addiction
I've always had vary vivid dreams from a young age, as I've gotten older I was very depressed and stuck to myself being homeschooled after the fith grade, I got into drugs at 17 and became addicted to various substances plus my mental illness went wild, however I no longer take substances outside of cannabis and mushrooms. I'm also as stable as I can been on medications.
As I moved out of the house at 13 to another I would get nightmares being in the old house and I would be getting tormented by spirits, It started as just a haunted house trying to scare me, then I got mad because of the occurrence and would be in a vivid dream taunting it, never really winning it would laugh or only show itself when it wanted to not me.
In my dreams I will see my loved ones like normal but be able to tell that isn't them and will notice and then my dreams get weird and I either wake up or try to get away, I'm aware now and don't get them as often but it was terrifying at a point.
I got into reading the satanic bible, lucifieran bible and necronomicon, at one point, during this I had a vivid dream I wasn't on this planet and went to a place that was dark with odd terain and glowing green water, however I had a dream I was going into a church and instead of a normal pastor it was a demonic one and had a cloak over his face , I had a rosary with a bone and gave it to him, accepting that I don't have power in my dreams and am sorry for taunting the spirits in my reoccurring nightmares, it went down to know I only have them rarely and know what's going on everytime it happens again.
During my addictions I have experienced sleep paralysis and it was terrifying, like a demonic smoke figure in a cloak looking at me feeding of the fear,
I have had my aunt pass and visit me in my dreams, I have had my grandpa pass and visit me in my dreams, I didn't get to say goodbye, and got closure in my dream, I woke up feeling like the hug was real.
I knew the night before my grandpa passed he was going to had a gut feeling but I decided not to follow that instinct, next morning I woke up to uncle banging the door however my dream was a old guy in a room that didn't have anything, just sitting infront of me no conversation, woke up and my grandpa was gone, feel it was him but didn't wanna show me it was him yet.
Anymore my nightmares if I have them are usually still in the old house and has to do with a spirit trying to take the shape of my loved ones, I have never seen the spirit responsible, only felt it in my dreams and heard laughs when I try to be more powerful than it.
Not super long ago I had a dream a tornado was coming for me at my current house, we had stroms not super long after and while it wasn't my house it hit 30 minutes away from me and my girlfriends step dads house got hit.
I feel like I am sensitive to energy, I can sense the feelings of being watched at times, getting goosebumps and hair standing up not due to the cold but somthing around, especially when I talk to people or give them tarot card readings, I can end up with my hairs standing or goosebumps if the conversation felt like it resonates with me.
I have an amazing relationship with my girlfriend, we I belive are twin flames, so similar, almost like we can read eachothers minds at times and say the same things at the same time often or can guess what she's about to say at times, but I also feel whenever her energy shifts and so does she if mine shifts.
I can sense if a person is good or bad, I can also at times sense somthing bad a long time in advance before it actually happens. Unfortunately.
One of the best new experiences I have had was taking mushrooms with my girlfriend for healing, I do it somewhat often, helped with grief , addictions, mental health, spirituality,
It brings us closer together and helps us both to heal, I didn't know it was possible but we managed to be able to use our energy on eachother while tripping and have what feels like full on sex without any touching involved, it can last for a long time too, this has happened the last 3-4 times we have tripped once we discovered how to tap into each other's minds. It's almost better than having actual sex, I feel like we leave our bodies and full on merge together as one during this time.
Now this is were it gets weird , a few days back we went to a place in amish country and once inside I noticed it felt off, however to not waste money and with everyone posting such good reviews figured we would stay and take mushrooms for healing as we do about once every month - 2 months,
I had the feeling in this house that the loft and basement were bad places to be, like being watched and feeling like there was somthing in this house, not sure what but something the first floor felt the best but still uneasy,
We had grabbed a clock from downstairs, plugged things into this one outlet next to the stairs and clock prior to taking mushrooms, they were charging, clock worked. Outlet worked, downstairs had a weird sad vibe to it ,weird musty smell also Sulphur smells randomly and even the water smelled like Sulphur there was a hornet in the toilet when we got there and had to flush it, also was 2 stains on the cieling in basement, not sure if it was water leak or if someone may have passed in the house and it soaked thru the ceiling of basement.
We wanted to paint eachother as we took the mushrooms, we did this until they started to kick in and once they kicked in we went and started fear and loathing in lost vegas, once I started getting closed eye visuals and working on my innerwork, my girlfriend felt like she wanted to go downstairs to lay in bed,
We stayed in bed holding eachother , bonding, eventually tuning into eachothers energy having sex without actually having it, then we couldn't hold back anymore and actually had sex, however we stayed down there until the trip wore off, it was about 3 am and everything switched on us.
She was feeling really sad and like she wanted to leave this place, I felt like I was being watched down there and somthing bad had happened in the past, I went to go upstairs was kinda afraid to alone but eventually went upstairs because she wouldn't at the time, tried to charge my phone and the outlet and clock didn't work anymore, I had been talking about leaving the house because she was feeling targeted and I felt like it didn't like either of us but like it wanted to feed off her if she went to sleep.
We went upstairs at a point and when I was asking if there were spirit's in the house and that if so I meant no disrespect and will only be staying until we could leave in the morning safely, as I would talk about the spirits seemed like my girlfriend would feel sick, same as being in the bed, very sad while downstairs.
I opened a bible and it was weird it didn't even feel like real paper , it also was moving by itself somewhat like working against me or moving for me to point out things, the clock on the wall was moving way faster than normal after this,
I tried getting her to leave , I didn't want to stay anylonger but knew we had to wait until sunlight atleast, she fell asleep and I was sitting next to her in this erie basement, had to turn the fan on because felt like if it was quiet I would loose it, what's not normal is the fact that she went to sleep and didn't really move, make sounds or anything like usual. I felt like I could hear people upstairs as she was asleep, almost like music was playing or a man signing and it was on repeat it would come and go, such low volume but also loud , the fan in the mix didn't help but I didn't wanna hear it anylouder.
I ended up trying to sleep and kinda did for a few hours but no dream I was hoping I would have a vivid dream of what happened in this house.
In the morning got our stuff packed up and left, before leaving I had used a ghost box. Told the spirit we were about to leave and as my girlfriend was going to the car it talked, then when she came back inside I left the ghostbox going and it talked while we were both there. I told it that we are leaving and this is your house but you are not welcome to come with us. Right as I opened the door I got a whiff of sulphur and as we left the house sulphur smell followed for a while.
Went to a shop got sage, used it before we got home, then yesterday unpacked from our trip and I made the joke about hopefully nothing came back with us from there. I went fishing and used the scissors from the house, i forgot to put them back so I have them. I saged our room, bags, clothes and once I found it left it outside in our burn barrel, didn't wanna risk it being in the house.
Last night we should have gotten good rest tho and we did not so I wonder if it had to do with those scissors coming from that house. đ€
Anyways, long story but honest opinion would be helpful and on top of that if theres a way to strengthen my senses and all that would love to know!
2024.05.13 23:14 AuthorJoJo Was I always sleeping with a monster?
Bed had always been a haven for me, as Iâm sure it has been for many others. A soft rectangle of comfort that I can always rely on. It didnât matter how hard my day was or how harsh the weather outside those four edges, it always soothed me. Iâd argue the harsher days made it feel more inviting.
All my worries and stress bleeding out of me, soaking into the bedsheets.
Thatâs all anyone needs, somewhere to rest their head. And usually, if you can be lucky enough, you might find someone to share that space with. And I was lucky enough. As wonderful as laying in bed is, when my wife would crawl in and pull up close to me, it was another ball game.
Her heat would mesh with mine, skin would run flush together, and we would become symbiotic until the sunrise. Thatâs all I needed, all I wanted.
I normally crawl into bed before she gets home. Her job would have her working different hours each day while my schedule was steady. So, Iâd enjoy my alone time, get comfortable in bed, and eagerly await her arrival.
So thatâs how it went. It was a frosty night but not cold enough to run the heater, so I just had the blankets pulled up to my chest. Work was rough, so sleep started working its magic on me quickly and I could feel my body becoming heavier in bed. I was in and out, so time wasnât really something I had a concept of, so when I felt a pressure on the bed, it made sense that it was my wife.
Her fingers were icy as they slipped under the shirt I was wearing and rested on my chest. Her frame latched onto mine like a puzzle, and she wrapped her arms around me.
She was so cold, uncomfortably so.
It caused my teeth to clatter together for a moment as she siphoned my body heat until we had reached an equilibrium. Her fingers gently pressed into my skin, a tender pressure I had felt time and time again, one that always lulled me to sleep. And I could feel it then, slumber ready for its final approach.
So, it was there, seconds from reaching my dreams, that I heard the front door closing. It felt like someone had ripped the bed sheets off me, thin and piercing needles of cold, running shivers all over me. It was loud, the door closing, I mean.
I was frozen, I could feel the fingers on my chest tighten in response to the noise as well. It was taking me a while to process what was happening. But I figured she had forgotten to lock the front door, and someone had slipped inside, perhaps closing the door harder than they intended to in their rush.
âStay here.â I whispered harshly; words filled with the panic response I was trying to fight off.
Quickly shunting the hand away from my chest, I got out of bed and gripped the baseball bat we keep by the bed. An object I had hoped Iâd never have to pick up in a situation like this. Stepping cautiously towards the bedroom door, I could see that someone had turned a light on.
The kitchen light spilled out, meekly illuminating a few spots of the apartment. My fingers gently pried the bedroom door wider open, trying to avoid its usual squeaking.
The baseball bat rested on my shoulder as I tried to recall the last time, I had even swung a bat, suddenly all too paranoid that I might not do so effectively. There was the sound of rummaging from the kitchen, a small clattering of pots and pans.
With a few quick breaths to hype myself up, I quickly rounded the corner and prepared to swing my bat.
Stepping out, basking in the kitchenâs light, I heard a high pitch scream wail out, filling the house with the cry.
I sank.
Every bit of me felt like I was falling through the floor. My heart was at my feet and my head had sunk so low that my thoughts couldnât keep up. She was frightened too. I must have looked insane. She was speaking. I could hazard a guess at what she was saying. An apology for making too much noise on her way in, likely. I couldnât hear any of it, though. My head was static.
I could hardly even recognize her as my wife. No, she was a concept, an idea. She stood in all her glory as a stark realization.
My wifeâs eyes became delicate with concern. As she reached out to me, I backed away, not in fear of her, but the dawning of it all put me on guard. I could still feel the fingers I felt in bed pressing on my chest as I turned around, fingers gripping the bat tighter than ever.
I was quick. Quicker than I thought, I could move in a situation like that. We shouldâve left. We shouldâve called the police. However, many âshould havesâ in life remain unclaimed forever. I left all my âshould havesâ behind. Each rational thought vanishing with every step I took that brought me closer to the sanctity of my bed once represented.
It was still wide open from when I had left it before. I said nothing to my wife. The words in my throat were ice cubes refusing to budge. Didnât even know if she was following me. Focusing and narrowing in on my goal was all I could do to stop myself from toppling over. From balling up on the floor in hysterics.
Returning to the room and edging through the doorway, I had expected to see the bed empty. I had so desperately wanted to laugh it off. To rationalize that my dreams and reality had meshed while drifting off and that nothing, absolutely nothing, was amiss. At the very worst, I could claim that I was losing my mind.
Just enough moonlight.
I cursed that.
That there was enough moonlight basking my room. I wish something had swallowed up the moon, plunging the world into darkness. But there was just enough to see it.
To see the bed sheets being wrinkled by the hand that had been on my chest. Just enough moonlight to bounce off her eyes, peering up at me, small pricks of silver light. Her frame was bathed in the gentle glow of moonlight, her skin taking on a pale and milky blue hue, with splotches of black reminiscent of resting ash.
That thing in my bed. The moonlight allowed me to see it. I watched as it dragged its ragged fingers back and forth on the sheets, like it was beckoning me to crawl back into bed. Its other hand held her ghoulish head up. It was, I donât know, posing or something. Like it was trying to be seductive.
She was a monster, and worse, a monster that had invaded that one place I could rely on.
Fear consumed me. I wasnât me. It wasnât my thoughts rummaging around in my head; it was the thoughts of a man who just wanted to live.
Iâm not sure if she had even made a noise when the end of my bat met with her soft temple. It turned out I knew damn well how to swing that thing. It was almost pretty, how the red inside of her meshed with the cold color pallet the room was adorning. There was almost no resistance. None that I could feel in the moment.
My fingernails carved into my palm as I brought the bat down over and over. Watching her face warp and twist with each hit, the blue hues being overtaken by smatterings of crimson. Her body jerked with each hit, pulses of life reaching out before quickly vanishing.
I shouldâve taken a second.
I shouldâve assessed the situation.
My wife, the cops, everyone I talk to tells me that what I did was natural. A fight-or-flight response gone completely haywire. But now that itâs over. Every time I lay my head down on the pillow, I can hear that horrid thud.
An axe splitting the bark of a tree.
A wet towel smacking the linoleum.
It pulses in my head, poisoning my sanctuary. I donât know how many times I hit her. There was nothing resembling a face by the time I was done. It wasnât the first time she had broken into someoneâs house, but itâd certainly be the last.
The red paste and blue skin waltzed so lovingly with the red and blue lights of the officers that arrived on the scene. My wife must have called.
The elderly woman had escaped the nursing home her kids left her in a few nights before and had been on the street since. The frost of a winter night stealing the plush from her skin. Her already frail frame was further weakened by the lack of food. Dementia had riddled her mind. She didnât know where she was half the time.
Bed, those four sides. Itâs supposed to be a sanctuary. Somewhere you can go to escape all the monsters waiting to gobble you up outside. Not for me though, not anymore. Every night, when I peer into the darkness long enough, I could still see the silver beads peering back at me. Two small orbs of pin-prick light, reminding me.
No matter what I do.
Where I go.
What bed I call mine.
I now sleep, with a monster.
submitted by AuthorJoJo to nosleep [link] [comments]
All my worries and stress bleeding out of me, soaking into the bedsheets.
Thatâs all anyone needs, somewhere to rest their head. And usually, if you can be lucky enough, you might find someone to share that space with. And I was lucky enough. As wonderful as laying in bed is, when my wife would crawl in and pull up close to me, it was another ball game.
Her heat would mesh with mine, skin would run flush together, and we would become symbiotic until the sunrise. Thatâs all I needed, all I wanted.
I normally crawl into bed before she gets home. Her job would have her working different hours each day while my schedule was steady. So, Iâd enjoy my alone time, get comfortable in bed, and eagerly await her arrival.
So thatâs how it went. It was a frosty night but not cold enough to run the heater, so I just had the blankets pulled up to my chest. Work was rough, so sleep started working its magic on me quickly and I could feel my body becoming heavier in bed. I was in and out, so time wasnât really something I had a concept of, so when I felt a pressure on the bed, it made sense that it was my wife.
Her fingers were icy as they slipped under the shirt I was wearing and rested on my chest. Her frame latched onto mine like a puzzle, and she wrapped her arms around me.
She was so cold, uncomfortably so.
It caused my teeth to clatter together for a moment as she siphoned my body heat until we had reached an equilibrium. Her fingers gently pressed into my skin, a tender pressure I had felt time and time again, one that always lulled me to sleep. And I could feel it then, slumber ready for its final approach.
So, it was there, seconds from reaching my dreams, that I heard the front door closing. It felt like someone had ripped the bed sheets off me, thin and piercing needles of cold, running shivers all over me. It was loud, the door closing, I mean.
I was frozen, I could feel the fingers on my chest tighten in response to the noise as well. It was taking me a while to process what was happening. But I figured she had forgotten to lock the front door, and someone had slipped inside, perhaps closing the door harder than they intended to in their rush.
âStay here.â I whispered harshly; words filled with the panic response I was trying to fight off.
Quickly shunting the hand away from my chest, I got out of bed and gripped the baseball bat we keep by the bed. An object I had hoped Iâd never have to pick up in a situation like this. Stepping cautiously towards the bedroom door, I could see that someone had turned a light on.
The kitchen light spilled out, meekly illuminating a few spots of the apartment. My fingers gently pried the bedroom door wider open, trying to avoid its usual squeaking.
The baseball bat rested on my shoulder as I tried to recall the last time, I had even swung a bat, suddenly all too paranoid that I might not do so effectively. There was the sound of rummaging from the kitchen, a small clattering of pots and pans.
With a few quick breaths to hype myself up, I quickly rounded the corner and prepared to swing my bat.
Stepping out, basking in the kitchenâs light, I heard a high pitch scream wail out, filling the house with the cry.
I sank.
Every bit of me felt like I was falling through the floor. My heart was at my feet and my head had sunk so low that my thoughts couldnât keep up. She was frightened too. I must have looked insane. She was speaking. I could hazard a guess at what she was saying. An apology for making too much noise on her way in, likely. I couldnât hear any of it, though. My head was static.
I could hardly even recognize her as my wife. No, she was a concept, an idea. She stood in all her glory as a stark realization.
My wifeâs eyes became delicate with concern. As she reached out to me, I backed away, not in fear of her, but the dawning of it all put me on guard. I could still feel the fingers I felt in bed pressing on my chest as I turned around, fingers gripping the bat tighter than ever.
I was quick. Quicker than I thought, I could move in a situation like that. We shouldâve left. We shouldâve called the police. However, many âshould havesâ in life remain unclaimed forever. I left all my âshould havesâ behind. Each rational thought vanishing with every step I took that brought me closer to the sanctity of my bed once represented.
It was still wide open from when I had left it before. I said nothing to my wife. The words in my throat were ice cubes refusing to budge. Didnât even know if she was following me. Focusing and narrowing in on my goal was all I could do to stop myself from toppling over. From balling up on the floor in hysterics.
Returning to the room and edging through the doorway, I had expected to see the bed empty. I had so desperately wanted to laugh it off. To rationalize that my dreams and reality had meshed while drifting off and that nothing, absolutely nothing, was amiss. At the very worst, I could claim that I was losing my mind.
Just enough moonlight.
I cursed that.
That there was enough moonlight basking my room. I wish something had swallowed up the moon, plunging the world into darkness. But there was just enough to see it.
To see the bed sheets being wrinkled by the hand that had been on my chest. Just enough moonlight to bounce off her eyes, peering up at me, small pricks of silver light. Her frame was bathed in the gentle glow of moonlight, her skin taking on a pale and milky blue hue, with splotches of black reminiscent of resting ash.
That thing in my bed. The moonlight allowed me to see it. I watched as it dragged its ragged fingers back and forth on the sheets, like it was beckoning me to crawl back into bed. Its other hand held her ghoulish head up. It was, I donât know, posing or something. Like it was trying to be seductive.
She was a monster, and worse, a monster that had invaded that one place I could rely on.
Fear consumed me. I wasnât me. It wasnât my thoughts rummaging around in my head; it was the thoughts of a man who just wanted to live.
Iâm not sure if she had even made a noise when the end of my bat met with her soft temple. It turned out I knew damn well how to swing that thing. It was almost pretty, how the red inside of her meshed with the cold color pallet the room was adorning. There was almost no resistance. None that I could feel in the moment.
My fingernails carved into my palm as I brought the bat down over and over. Watching her face warp and twist with each hit, the blue hues being overtaken by smatterings of crimson. Her body jerked with each hit, pulses of life reaching out before quickly vanishing.
I shouldâve taken a second.
I shouldâve assessed the situation.
My wife, the cops, everyone I talk to tells me that what I did was natural. A fight-or-flight response gone completely haywire. But now that itâs over. Every time I lay my head down on the pillow, I can hear that horrid thud.
An axe splitting the bark of a tree.
A wet towel smacking the linoleum.
It pulses in my head, poisoning my sanctuary. I donât know how many times I hit her. There was nothing resembling a face by the time I was done. It wasnât the first time she had broken into someoneâs house, but itâd certainly be the last.
The red paste and blue skin waltzed so lovingly with the red and blue lights of the officers that arrived on the scene. My wife must have called.
The elderly woman had escaped the nursing home her kids left her in a few nights before and had been on the street since. The frost of a winter night stealing the plush from her skin. Her already frail frame was further weakened by the lack of food. Dementia had riddled her mind. She didnât know where she was half the time.
Bed, those four sides. Itâs supposed to be a sanctuary. Somewhere you can go to escape all the monsters waiting to gobble you up outside. Not for me though, not anymore. Every night, when I peer into the darkness long enough, I could still see the silver beads peering back at me. Two small orbs of pin-prick light, reminding me.
No matter what I do.
Where I go.
What bed I call mine.
I now sleep, with a monster.
2024.05.13 23:13 CAPTNBALLS Do I have any spiritual gifts?
So I am not sure if I have abilities others don't or if I am more sensitive than the average person,
Background, I grew up in a haunted house but never experienced anything really outside of feeling like someone may be watching me, I had heard from other family what they had experienced when I was too young to remember.
As I got older I have always been different from most, however I have some mental issues, bipolar,ptsd,anxiety,addiction
I've always had vary vivid dreams from a young age, as I've gotten older I was very depressed and stuck to myself being homeschooled after the fith grade, I got into drugs at 17 and became addicted to various substances plus my mental illness went wild, however I no longer take substances outside of cannabis and mushrooms. I'm also as stable as I can been on medications.
As I moved out of the house at 13 to another I would get nightmares being in the old house and I would be getting tormented by spirits, It started as just a haunted house trying to scare me, then I got mad because of the occurrence and would be in a vivid dream taunting it, never really winning it would laugh or only show itself when it wanted to not me.
In my dreams I will see my loved ones like normal but be able to tell that isn't them and will notice and then my dreams get weird and I either wake up or try to get away, I'm aware now and don't get them as often but it was terrifying at a point.
I got into reading the satanic bible, lucifieran bible and necronomicon, at one point, during this I had a vivid dream I wasn't on this planet and went to a place that was dark with odd terain and glowing green water, however I had a dream I was going into a church and instead of a normal pastor it was a demonic one and had a cloak over his face , I had a rosary with a bone and gave it to him, accepting that I don't have power in my dreams and am sorry for taunting the spirits in my reoccurring nightmares, it went down to know I only have them rarely and know what's going on everytime it happens again.
During my addictions I have experienced sleep paralysis and it was terrifying, like a demonic smoke figure in a cloak looking at me feeding of the fear,
I have had my aunt pass and visit me in my dreams, I have had my grandpa pass and visit me in my dreams, I didn't get to say goodbye, and got closure in my dream, I woke up feeling like the hug was real.
I knew the night before my grandpa passed he was going to had a gut feeling but I decided not to follow that instinct, next morning I woke up to uncle banging the door however my dream was a old guy in a room that didn't have anything, just sitting infront of me no conversation, woke up and my grandpa was gone, feel it was him but didn't wanna show me it was him yet.
Anymore my nightmares if I have them are usually still in the old house and has to do with a spirit trying to take the shape of my loved ones, I have never seen the spirit responsible, only felt it in my dreams and heard laughs when I try to be more powerful than it.
Not super long ago I had a dream a tornado was coming for me at my current house, we had stroms not super long after and while it wasn't my house it hit 30 minutes away from me and my girlfriends step dads house got hit.
I feel like I am sensitive to energy, I can sense the feelings of being watched at times, getting goosebumps and hair standing up not due to the cold but somthing around, especially when I talk to people or give them tarot card readings, I can end up with my hairs standing or goosebumps if the conversation felt like it resonates with me.
I have an amazing relationship with my girlfriend, we I belive are twin flames, so similar, almost like we can read eachothers minds at times and say the same things at the same time often or can guess what she's about to say at times, but I also feel whenever her energy shifts and so does she if mine shifts.
I can sense if a person is good or bad, I can also at times sense somthing bad a long time in advance before it actually happens. Unfortunately.
One of the best new experiences I have had was taking mushrooms with my girlfriend for healing, I do it somewhat often, helped with grief , addictions, mental health, spirituality,
It brings us closer together and helps us both to heal, I didn't know it was possible but we managed to be able to use our energy on eachother while tripping and have what feels like full on sex without any touching involved, it can last for a long time too, this has happened the last 3-4 times we have tripped once we discovered how to tap into each other's minds. It's almost better than having actual sex, I feel like we leave our bodies and full on merge together as one during this time.
Now this is were it gets weird , a few days back we went to a place in amish country and once inside I noticed it felt off, however to not waste money and with everyone posting such good reviews figured we would stay and take mushrooms for healing as we do about once every month - 2 months,
I had the feeling in this house that the loft and basement were bad places to be, like being watched and feeling like there was somthing in this house, not sure what but something the first floor felt the best but still uneasy,
We had grabbed a clock from downstairs, plugged things into this one outlet next to the stairs and clock prior to taking mushrooms, they were charging, clock worked. Outlet worked, downstairs had a weird sad vibe to it ,weird musty smell also Sulphur smells randomly and even the water smelled like Sulphur there was a hornet in the toilet when we got there and had to flush it, also was 2 stains on the cieling in basement, not sure if it was water leak or if someone may have passed in the house and it soaked thru the ceiling of basement.
We wanted to paint eachother as we took the mushrooms, we did this until they started to kick in and once they kicked in we went and started fear and loathing in lost vegas, once I started getting closed eye visuals and working on my innerwork, my girlfriend felt like she wanted to go downstairs to lay in bed,
We stayed in bed holding eachother , bonding, eventually tuning into eachothers energy having sex without actually having it, then we couldn't hold back anymore and actually had sex, however we stayed down there until the trip wore off, it was about 3 am and everything switched on us.
She was feeling really sad and like she wanted to leave this place, I felt like I was being watched down there and somthing bad had happened in the past, I went to go upstairs was kinda afraid to alone but eventually went upstairs because she wouldn't at the time, tried to charge my phone and the outlet and clock didn't work anymore, I had been talking about leaving the house because she was feeling targeted and I felt like it didn't like either of us but like it wanted to feed off her if she went to sleep.
We went upstairs at a point and when I was asking if there were spirit's in the house and that if so I meant no disrespect and will only be staying until we could leave in the morning safely, as I would talk about the spirits seemed like my girlfriend would feel sick, same as being in the bed, very sad while downstairs.
I opened a bible and it was weird it didn't even feel like real paper , it also was moving by itself somewhat like working against me or moving for me to point out things, the clock on the wall was moving way faster than normal after this,
I tried getting her to leave , I didn't want to stay anylonger but knew we had to wait until sunlight atleast, she fell asleep and I was sitting next to her in this erie basement, had to turn the fan on because felt like if it was quiet I would loose it, what's not normal is the fact that she went to sleep and didn't really move, make sounds or anything like usual. I felt like I could hear people upstairs as she was asleep, almost like music was playing or a man signing and it was on repeat it would come and go, such low volume but also loud , the fan in the mix didn't help but I didn't wanna hear it anylouder.
I ended up trying to sleep and kinda did for a few hours but no dream I was hoping I would have a vivid dream of what happened in this house.
In the morning got our stuff packed up and left, before leaving I had used a ghost box. Told the spirit we were about to leave and as my girlfriend was going to the car it talked, then when she came back inside I left the ghostbox going and it talked while we were both there. I told it that we are leaving and this is your house but you are not welcome to come with us. Right as I opened the door I got a whiff of sulphur and as we left the house sulphur smell followed for a while.
Went to a shop got sage, used it before we got home, then yesterday unpacked from our trip and I made the joke about hopefully nothing came back with us from there. I went fishing and used the scissors from the house, i forgot to put them back so I have them. I saged our room, bags, clothes and once I found it left it outside in our burn barrel, didn't wanna risk it being in the house.
Last night we should have gotten good rest tho and we did not so I wonder if it had to do with those scissors coming from that house. đ€
Anyways, long story but honest opinion would be helpful and on top of that if theres a way to strengthen my senses and all that would love to know!
submitted by CAPTNBALLS to Mediums [link] [comments]
Background, I grew up in a haunted house but never experienced anything really outside of feeling like someone may be watching me, I had heard from other family what they had experienced when I was too young to remember.
As I got older I have always been different from most, however I have some mental issues, bipolar,ptsd,anxiety,addiction
I've always had vary vivid dreams from a young age, as I've gotten older I was very depressed and stuck to myself being homeschooled after the fith grade, I got into drugs at 17 and became addicted to various substances plus my mental illness went wild, however I no longer take substances outside of cannabis and mushrooms. I'm also as stable as I can been on medications.
As I moved out of the house at 13 to another I would get nightmares being in the old house and I would be getting tormented by spirits, It started as just a haunted house trying to scare me, then I got mad because of the occurrence and would be in a vivid dream taunting it, never really winning it would laugh or only show itself when it wanted to not me.
In my dreams I will see my loved ones like normal but be able to tell that isn't them and will notice and then my dreams get weird and I either wake up or try to get away, I'm aware now and don't get them as often but it was terrifying at a point.
I got into reading the satanic bible, lucifieran bible and necronomicon, at one point, during this I had a vivid dream I wasn't on this planet and went to a place that was dark with odd terain and glowing green water, however I had a dream I was going into a church and instead of a normal pastor it was a demonic one and had a cloak over his face , I had a rosary with a bone and gave it to him, accepting that I don't have power in my dreams and am sorry for taunting the spirits in my reoccurring nightmares, it went down to know I only have them rarely and know what's going on everytime it happens again.
During my addictions I have experienced sleep paralysis and it was terrifying, like a demonic smoke figure in a cloak looking at me feeding of the fear,
I have had my aunt pass and visit me in my dreams, I have had my grandpa pass and visit me in my dreams, I didn't get to say goodbye, and got closure in my dream, I woke up feeling like the hug was real.
I knew the night before my grandpa passed he was going to had a gut feeling but I decided not to follow that instinct, next morning I woke up to uncle banging the door however my dream was a old guy in a room that didn't have anything, just sitting infront of me no conversation, woke up and my grandpa was gone, feel it was him but didn't wanna show me it was him yet.
Anymore my nightmares if I have them are usually still in the old house and has to do with a spirit trying to take the shape of my loved ones, I have never seen the spirit responsible, only felt it in my dreams and heard laughs when I try to be more powerful than it.
Not super long ago I had a dream a tornado was coming for me at my current house, we had stroms not super long after and while it wasn't my house it hit 30 minutes away from me and my girlfriends step dads house got hit.
I feel like I am sensitive to energy, I can sense the feelings of being watched at times, getting goosebumps and hair standing up not due to the cold but somthing around, especially when I talk to people or give them tarot card readings, I can end up with my hairs standing or goosebumps if the conversation felt like it resonates with me.
I have an amazing relationship with my girlfriend, we I belive are twin flames, so similar, almost like we can read eachothers minds at times and say the same things at the same time often or can guess what she's about to say at times, but I also feel whenever her energy shifts and so does she if mine shifts.
I can sense if a person is good or bad, I can also at times sense somthing bad a long time in advance before it actually happens. Unfortunately.
One of the best new experiences I have had was taking mushrooms with my girlfriend for healing, I do it somewhat often, helped with grief , addictions, mental health, spirituality,
It brings us closer together and helps us both to heal, I didn't know it was possible but we managed to be able to use our energy on eachother while tripping and have what feels like full on sex without any touching involved, it can last for a long time too, this has happened the last 3-4 times we have tripped once we discovered how to tap into each other's minds. It's almost better than having actual sex, I feel like we leave our bodies and full on merge together as one during this time.
Now this is were it gets weird , a few days back we went to a place in amish country and once inside I noticed it felt off, however to not waste money and with everyone posting such good reviews figured we would stay and take mushrooms for healing as we do about once every month - 2 months,
I had the feeling in this house that the loft and basement were bad places to be, like being watched and feeling like there was somthing in this house, not sure what but something the first floor felt the best but still uneasy,
We had grabbed a clock from downstairs, plugged things into this one outlet next to the stairs and clock prior to taking mushrooms, they were charging, clock worked. Outlet worked, downstairs had a weird sad vibe to it ,weird musty smell also Sulphur smells randomly and even the water smelled like Sulphur there was a hornet in the toilet when we got there and had to flush it, also was 2 stains on the cieling in basement, not sure if it was water leak or if someone may have passed in the house and it soaked thru the ceiling of basement.
We wanted to paint eachother as we took the mushrooms, we did this until they started to kick in and once they kicked in we went and started fear and loathing in lost vegas, once I started getting closed eye visuals and working on my innerwork, my girlfriend felt like she wanted to go downstairs to lay in bed,
We stayed in bed holding eachother , bonding, eventually tuning into eachothers energy having sex without actually having it, then we couldn't hold back anymore and actually had sex, however we stayed down there until the trip wore off, it was about 3 am and everything switched on us.
She was feeling really sad and like she wanted to leave this place, I felt like I was being watched down there and somthing bad had happened in the past, I went to go upstairs was kinda afraid to alone but eventually went upstairs because she wouldn't at the time, tried to charge my phone and the outlet and clock didn't work anymore, I had been talking about leaving the house because she was feeling targeted and I felt like it didn't like either of us but like it wanted to feed off her if she went to sleep.
We went upstairs at a point and when I was asking if there were spirit's in the house and that if so I meant no disrespect and will only be staying until we could leave in the morning safely, as I would talk about the spirits seemed like my girlfriend would feel sick, same as being in the bed, very sad while downstairs.
I opened a bible and it was weird it didn't even feel like real paper , it also was moving by itself somewhat like working against me or moving for me to point out things, the clock on the wall was moving way faster than normal after this,
I tried getting her to leave , I didn't want to stay anylonger but knew we had to wait until sunlight atleast, she fell asleep and I was sitting next to her in this erie basement, had to turn the fan on because felt like if it was quiet I would loose it, what's not normal is the fact that she went to sleep and didn't really move, make sounds or anything like usual. I felt like I could hear people upstairs as she was asleep, almost like music was playing or a man signing and it was on repeat it would come and go, such low volume but also loud , the fan in the mix didn't help but I didn't wanna hear it anylouder.
I ended up trying to sleep and kinda did for a few hours but no dream I was hoping I would have a vivid dream of what happened in this house.
In the morning got our stuff packed up and left, before leaving I had used a ghost box. Told the spirit we were about to leave and as my girlfriend was going to the car it talked, then when she came back inside I left the ghostbox going and it talked while we were both there. I told it that we are leaving and this is your house but you are not welcome to come with us. Right as I opened the door I got a whiff of sulphur and as we left the house sulphur smell followed for a while.
Went to a shop got sage, used it before we got home, then yesterday unpacked from our trip and I made the joke about hopefully nothing came back with us from there. I went fishing and used the scissors from the house, i forgot to put them back so I have them. I saged our room, bags, clothes and once I found it left it outside in our burn barrel, didn't wanna risk it being in the house.
Last night we should have gotten good rest tho and we did not so I wonder if it had to do with those scissors coming from that house. đ€
Anyways, long story but honest opinion would be helpful and on top of that if theres a way to strengthen my senses and all that would love to know!
2024.05.13 23:11 verminbby My Story: How I watched my ex and love of my life loose his mind to this drug
Hey people. I wanted to share my long ass story about how nitrous used to be one of my most favorite things in the world and now my relationship with it is complicated and twisted.
A lot of this will tackle interpersonal relationship dynamics, but Iâm trying to illustrate to the reader the progression of how this drug took my exâs mind. This is more of a thorough essay about my experience than a rant. When I was going through what I went through at the time, I wished there was a story like this out there to help me know better and understand. This is how I watched the love of my life melt away his brain on this drug.
I will try and keep this brief, but it probably won't be. I wish to convey the addictiveness this drug can have and the toll it can take on your mind and body. In the summer of 2022 I met my then bf who introduced me to the rave scene and drug scene he was a part of. He really only used K and Nitrous (which I will refer to as N going forward). He told me about his 1.5 years of being addicted to K, but did not inform me of his also 1.5 years (at the time) addiction to N. He told me after meeting me he didnât want to abuse K anymore so as far as I knew when we started dating he got better about that.
It all started very early in the relationship. We went to a weekend festival together and both found doing N together was so fun. We continued on using and abusing N every weekend, and sometimes many weekdays. Probably going through 6 or 8+ tanks a week, this went on for like 3 months. Sadly, I do look back on those days fondly, despite what would happen later down the line. We had so much fun together and yes sadly it bonded us in this weird way. Using it causes you to feel more open and positive in the beginning, and we had so many heartfelt and deep conversations. And it felt like a little special world we could go into together.
At the time I had no clue how much those small-medium sized tanks cost ($65 and up for just one where we live). And he never told me how much they cost, and didnât ask me to chip in, so I had no idea he was throwing himself into financial ruin buying them all the time. Looking back I have no idea why I didnât ask, I just figured they were only $25 or something, or his friend was giving them to him, and I was aware it was probably a poor financial decision, but figured he could bounce back after the summer. You have to understand I thought I had him figured out, but I didnât really know him that well at this point, or know about the drug scene at all. Before this I really only drank and smoked weed with the occasional cid or shrooms trip.
Three months into us dating and abusing N we come to the conclusion we just need to stop and take a break from N as this had all become quite excessive. Still he doesnât explain to me how much debt he is in from buying all of those tanks over the summer. Two months into the break and heâs starting to crack, asking for me to be okay with us using it regularly. I tell him that I think itâs okay for us to just do it once and awhile. It was hard to not cave in because truthfully I missed it as well, I myself was starting to feel the addictiveness of this drug, so I reserved it so that I only ever did it with him. We go back to doing it occasionally on the weekends. Over the span of 1 month my bf started to constantly complain of having nerve issues, his feet and legs and hands were numb, I also noticed that he seemed really depressed. This is when he started to experience the vitamin B deficiency, although both me and him didnât realize this at the time.
Around this time is when he finally and unceremoniously reveals to me how much these things actually cost. This is the tricky aspect of his personality I would go on to experience more of. It was clear he was resentful towards me, that I had no idea how much money he was spending, but the reality is if I had known how much those things cost I would have ended it a lot sooner. I didnât even understand how he had the ability to spend so much money, I donât even want to do the math. I would find out later he would just take out credit cards and max them out. In addition to him doing them with me occasionally, he was also doing them behind my back, which I had caught him doing several times and was always forgiving over this.
So, because of this constant spending he was in a substantial amount of debt. What he told me at the time was around $6,000. Knowing him, this was probably a generous assessment. This is definitely a point in the story where I should have left him. Clearly he was developing this addiction towards N and spent an ungodly amount of money that was beyond even my comprehension. But, I was head over heels and believed that he could figure this out. People go into debt all the time, I would tell myself. But I told him, this all needed to outright stop. No more N, not even occasionally. Unfortunately while he of course agreed to my face I have to suspect now, he was doing it behind my back all the time. Around this time he wouldnât come home from work until 7 or 7:30 which didnât make sense as his hours at work would fluctuate from time to time, but he was usually always off at 5. He would lie and say his work was very busy and made him stay later, which I believed at the time.
Maybe about a month later we are in bed together sleeping, itâs the middle of the night. He wakes me up and explains he literally cannot feel his feet or legs and has been having trouble walking for the past several days. I take him to the ER that night. This night and the following weeks after were some of the most heartbreaking and emotionally terrifying times of my life so far. At this time neither of us had any idea or reason to suspect N was the reason for this. We actually talked to the doctor there and ran tests for over 3 hours, he got an MRI and a spinal tap which was so hard to watch being done to him. It wasnât until I desperately did research on my phone in the hospital room and suddenly see all of these remarks and reddit posts and studies about N causing paralysis and nerve damage. I tell my bf and the doctor and they have no trouble assessing that is what is causing this. They give him a regiment of vitamin B shots as you typically do in this situation. The doctor even said that they hope they can stop permanent damage from happening, because if not he may lose control of his legs and it may spread to his pelvic area (IE dick donât work) etc, he had to do physical therapy and see a drug counselor.
The following days and weeks after I was constantly on edge worrying and wondering if my bf and love of my life would lose his ability to walk. Thankfully, the treatment took and he didnât even end up needing physical therapy. This is when I truly believe or would like to hope he actually quit and wasnât doing N behind my back. Unfortunately it wouldnât matter, as Iâve learned, a lot of symptoms of N abuse donât show themselves until after you stop. Shortly after this event is when our relationship took a nosedive. He had also ditched the drug counselor. To compensate for no N he was drinking so often. He started to become aggressive and violent. I remember it all started in a fight where he got real close and in my face and stared me down to try and intimidate me. In a way it was both terrifying and laughable (because heâs only a few inches taller than me), I couldnât even comprehend the kind of person he had turned into. After that came the months and months of never ending name calling, insults, degradation, and constant arguments over every little thing I did. He became so addicted to the high of his power trip of making me feel small and weak he would find any excuse to fly into a rage at me, even when we were tripping on mushrooms together.
Nothing was ever the same after that. We didnât go out, didnât do dates, and every activity together felt like it was all a big chore to him. I could look in his eyes and see he was constantly thinking about N, and when he would do it next. He really changed, and what I am now realizing is he was probably starting to experience the effects of pure brain damage. My close friends who knew him even agree with me that there is a huge change in his demeanor around this time in April of 2023.
I also want to add more info about his bizarre behavior. He started to develop an unhealthy obsession with social media, scrutinizing what I posted and what he posted. He started to obsess over current events of any kind, any breaking story or ongoing conflict and he would rant and rant about the current state of the world and destruction of humanity all the time. He started to get obsessed with mental health and psychology and pathologize me and himself and other people in our lives. He would send me 10 videos everyday about mental health and relationships and expect me to reply and have a response for every single one like a book report. This obsession with the destruction of humanity turned into a paranoia about the world, he would often say no one understands him, and he is all alone. He turned on his best friends of several years because he was paranoid they were racists or had bad morals (they were all pleasant and nice people who enjoy edgy humor from time to time). There was no more middle ground for anything, you either loved something fully, or hated it fully. Somewhere down the line he actually got his account banned on Instagram for the craziest reason. He couldnât stop or control himself from having heated arguments with random strangers in comments sections, of almost any video of any topic. He would insult people there constantly.
Here is another big mistake I made.I allowed him to live with me, and we moved in together. At this point we had been dating for a year. Before this I lived on my own and didnât want to renew my lease, and he was living with his dad who was abusive and financially took advantage of him. At the time I was convinced that this bad behavior would go away if he could get away from his dad and his toxic household. Well the toxicity only followed. That summer we went to another weekend festival and he revealed to me when we got there he had purchased N and brought it. I was so conflicted as I myself had missed it quite a lot, and I had to deny myself my healthy regulated usage of it in order to not trigger him. I caved again and said we could do it only for this weekend. You may not at all be surprised to learn it didnât end that way.
After the festival everything truly fell apart. He continued to buy tanks of N and do them behind my back constantly. He would say he was just going to his car to talk to his friends, or his mom, and be gone for hours. Because he was totally abusing me and I had no idea because I was under his spell of manipulation, I had no recourse. Any comment of mine asking why he was gone for so long, why canât he just talk to his friends inside our apartment, Iâll go in the other room for privacy, was only met with complete indifference. These questions only pissed him off. He would say itâs because I was so exhausting and demanding he needed a break from me. When I would call him when heâs on one of these âexcursions,â he would every so often mute the call while I was talking or in a silent moment. I eventually realized he was hitting the tank every time he muted himself. When I finally called him out on this he gaslit me and told me he just does this all the time because he coughs and clears his throat, fyi he had never done this before in our relationship. Because I had no recourse I just had to agree and move on. And because his mind was deteriorating more and more each day he would go on to make randomly muting himself in calls as a common, thing so as to keep up the facade he told me. Actual crazy behavior.
He even started doing K again, he would clearly be f-ed out of his mind by both K and N, and stumble around our apartment with crazy red bulging eyes and again and again tell me he was just drunk. Around this time is when he finally divulges to me not only had he been abusing K for the 1.5 years before he met me, he had also been abusing N for 1.5 years before he met me. And it wasnât actually the case that he only âbeganâ to become addicted to N when we started dating and doing it together. This really started to put a lot into perspective for me, and it made sense how he had almost paralyzed himself over this, now at this current time 3+ year addiction to these substances, and it made me realize how psychologically and cognitively he was failing based on changes in his personality. You also have to understand he explained to me before he met me, he was doing 1.5-2 grams of K or more and N, EVERYDAY.
And still at this time the name calling, insults and manipulation continued. He of course was no longer experiencing any true âhighâ from the N anymore, it would just simply dull his senses. It was like a stereotypical violent alcoholic husband comes home from the bar and berates his wife, kind of situation, except with N. And I became obsessed with figuring out how to get him to stop and go back to the loving person I remembered meeting and loving. I began to do very toxic things, going through his backpack, going through his car, and constantly always finding tanks and balloons and all kinds of paraphilia everywhere. I would find tanks in our recycling bin, like he actually thought I wouldnât notice. I would come home late from being with friends and catch him passed out on the couch with an empty tank in his hand. He couldn't be left alone anymore. If he wasnât with me, 100% of the time he was sitting in his car doing N. At this point in time there was no forgiveness, I was completely broken. I would yell and scream at him or wake him up and demand he stop and choose me or the drugs, all terrible things to be doing. I know that.
Eventually it got so bad I felt I had no other recourse other than to call and inform his mother of his behavior and what he had been doing all this time. Me doing this is probably what saved his life, as there was never anyway I was going to get through to him myself. But it did not save his mental health. Even having his mother involved didnât stop any of it. He still went out and bought it behind my back like nothing happened. Another painful painful aspect of how his personality had changed is he would constantly have crazy back and forth mood swings, one minute showing me the sweet man I had fallen in love with, thanking me and praising me for having stepped in and put a stop to this, the next minute he hated me and I was the worst thing in his life and I could never tell what was even real anymore.
But did I leave, oh no, that would have been the smart thing to do.Instead at the time I was seeing a therapist who also specializes in couples therapy. I get us started with counseling and during our second session he gets called out by my therapist and yells and screams and berates her, it was actually insane. That is when things really ended between us. He moved out and moved into his moms apartment 30 minutes away that night. Even though the breakup was traumatizing and painful I still had hope that even if he isnât with me, now he will receive help from his mother. Well, she didnât place him in any special drug counselor program or rehab, she just severely cut off his finances so that he could pay off his debts, which she had bought back from several banks so it would not gain more and more interest. I do believe now his debt may be somewhere in the $10,000-$20,000 range. So now he, as an almost 30 year old man, needs to ask his mother in order to buy or purchase anything. Somehow, despite all of this I would learn he was continuing to do N and K.
Amazingly, we still tried briefly to even make our relationship work after he moved out. At this point he has mastered the art of manipulation and being fake, and convinced me he was getting better, he had even started to look better too, but he was still up to his old BS. He came over to the apartment once for us to have a mini date. Because he went on and on about how he was getting more and more into walks he said he was going to take a quick stroll around the block to get some fresh air. Well a quick stroll turns into 30 minutes, and I start to notice his car is gone from our street. I call him and he says now he is sitting in his car talking to his mom, I tell him I donât see his car and itâs been a long time, he clearly had left to buy N. He becomes irate and claims he simply moved his car down the block for âreasonsâ and I was in the wrong for being accusatory and not trusting him. P.S. I went down the block and he just was not there. This guy is either absolutely crazy or thinks Iâm some kind of imbecile, or both. It basically ended from there.
We tried to be civil, but he cannot control himself from completely going ballistic on me anymore, or his mother. And it is so painful when he is remorseful and doesnât remember all the things he said to me. At this point I have had to realize I am basically talking to and trying to reason with a mentally disabled person. The fun loving, easy going, creative, altruistic, thoughtful, smart and attentive man I met doesnât exist anymore, and I donât think he will ever come back. All that remains is the shell of a confused and angry person.
Some small things to address, how it came to be that he abused these drugs all the time before he met me is because his best friend was a drug dealer and in the beginning would give him all of these things for free. Once he was hooked and doing it everyday it seemed he would stop at no end to spend money and buy them. Yes K was definitely a contributor into his mild psychosis but I still think it would have happened even from the N abuse alone, based on research Iâve been doing lately. And yes I have to admit I think he had bad and malignant psychological traits before abusing drugs, and doing that made it all worse.
So that is the story of how I watched this man ruin his life, and scare away maybe the only person who could withstand experiencing all of his BS and still wanted to love and help him. There are SO MANY things I too should have done differently. There is also an age gap between us of 3 years, so I naively thought he had a better handle on his life than he really did. I do find it hard to understand how people can be so addicted at times, but in the end like my ex, everyone is trying to chase some kind of feeling or experience that came with it, rather than the drug itself.
Thank you for reading if you made it to the end.
TLDR: Two years ago I started dating a guy who wasnât honest with me about his 1.5 years of Nitrous abuse before we started dating. He was a sweet and honest and caring man when I met him. Sadly most of our relationship was spent on doing lots of Nitrous together. He eventually developed health problems like a vitamin B deficiency and even almost got paralysis and permanent nerve damage, which was hard for me to watch and witness. His health issues didnât deter him away from Nitrous and he was constantly buying tanks and doing it behind my back. The more he abused Nitrous the more abusive towards me he became as a person. Our relationship crumbled and not even getting his mom involved helped. He was also clearly experiencing psychosis and mental deterioration. We broke up because he yelled and screamed at my therapist and he had to move in with his mom. Moving in with his mom didnât stop his addiction even though she cut off his finances.
Even when we tried to make the relationship work he still abused it anyway. I would now consider him a mentally disabled person and I donât recognize who he even is anymore after 3+ years of abusing Nitrous almost everyday. Please use Nitrous responsibly or don't at all.
submitted by verminbby to NitrousOxideRecovery [link] [comments]
A lot of this will tackle interpersonal relationship dynamics, but Iâm trying to illustrate to the reader the progression of how this drug took my exâs mind. This is more of a thorough essay about my experience than a rant. When I was going through what I went through at the time, I wished there was a story like this out there to help me know better and understand. This is how I watched the love of my life melt away his brain on this drug.
I will try and keep this brief, but it probably won't be. I wish to convey the addictiveness this drug can have and the toll it can take on your mind and body. In the summer of 2022 I met my then bf who introduced me to the rave scene and drug scene he was a part of. He really only used K and Nitrous (which I will refer to as N going forward). He told me about his 1.5 years of being addicted to K, but did not inform me of his also 1.5 years (at the time) addiction to N. He told me after meeting me he didnât want to abuse K anymore so as far as I knew when we started dating he got better about that.
It all started very early in the relationship. We went to a weekend festival together and both found doing N together was so fun. We continued on using and abusing N every weekend, and sometimes many weekdays. Probably going through 6 or 8+ tanks a week, this went on for like 3 months. Sadly, I do look back on those days fondly, despite what would happen later down the line. We had so much fun together and yes sadly it bonded us in this weird way. Using it causes you to feel more open and positive in the beginning, and we had so many heartfelt and deep conversations. And it felt like a little special world we could go into together.
At the time I had no clue how much those small-medium sized tanks cost ($65 and up for just one where we live). And he never told me how much they cost, and didnât ask me to chip in, so I had no idea he was throwing himself into financial ruin buying them all the time. Looking back I have no idea why I didnât ask, I just figured they were only $25 or something, or his friend was giving them to him, and I was aware it was probably a poor financial decision, but figured he could bounce back after the summer. You have to understand I thought I had him figured out, but I didnât really know him that well at this point, or know about the drug scene at all. Before this I really only drank and smoked weed with the occasional cid or shrooms trip.
Three months into us dating and abusing N we come to the conclusion we just need to stop and take a break from N as this had all become quite excessive. Still he doesnât explain to me how much debt he is in from buying all of those tanks over the summer. Two months into the break and heâs starting to crack, asking for me to be okay with us using it regularly. I tell him that I think itâs okay for us to just do it once and awhile. It was hard to not cave in because truthfully I missed it as well, I myself was starting to feel the addictiveness of this drug, so I reserved it so that I only ever did it with him. We go back to doing it occasionally on the weekends. Over the span of 1 month my bf started to constantly complain of having nerve issues, his feet and legs and hands were numb, I also noticed that he seemed really depressed. This is when he started to experience the vitamin B deficiency, although both me and him didnât realize this at the time.
Around this time is when he finally and unceremoniously reveals to me how much these things actually cost. This is the tricky aspect of his personality I would go on to experience more of. It was clear he was resentful towards me, that I had no idea how much money he was spending, but the reality is if I had known how much those things cost I would have ended it a lot sooner. I didnât even understand how he had the ability to spend so much money, I donât even want to do the math. I would find out later he would just take out credit cards and max them out. In addition to him doing them with me occasionally, he was also doing them behind my back, which I had caught him doing several times and was always forgiving over this.
So, because of this constant spending he was in a substantial amount of debt. What he told me at the time was around $6,000. Knowing him, this was probably a generous assessment. This is definitely a point in the story where I should have left him. Clearly he was developing this addiction towards N and spent an ungodly amount of money that was beyond even my comprehension. But, I was head over heels and believed that he could figure this out. People go into debt all the time, I would tell myself. But I told him, this all needed to outright stop. No more N, not even occasionally. Unfortunately while he of course agreed to my face I have to suspect now, he was doing it behind my back all the time. Around this time he wouldnât come home from work until 7 or 7:30 which didnât make sense as his hours at work would fluctuate from time to time, but he was usually always off at 5. He would lie and say his work was very busy and made him stay later, which I believed at the time.
Maybe about a month later we are in bed together sleeping, itâs the middle of the night. He wakes me up and explains he literally cannot feel his feet or legs and has been having trouble walking for the past several days. I take him to the ER that night. This night and the following weeks after were some of the most heartbreaking and emotionally terrifying times of my life so far. At this time neither of us had any idea or reason to suspect N was the reason for this. We actually talked to the doctor there and ran tests for over 3 hours, he got an MRI and a spinal tap which was so hard to watch being done to him. It wasnât until I desperately did research on my phone in the hospital room and suddenly see all of these remarks and reddit posts and studies about N causing paralysis and nerve damage. I tell my bf and the doctor and they have no trouble assessing that is what is causing this. They give him a regiment of vitamin B shots as you typically do in this situation. The doctor even said that they hope they can stop permanent damage from happening, because if not he may lose control of his legs and it may spread to his pelvic area (IE dick donât work) etc, he had to do physical therapy and see a drug counselor.
The following days and weeks after I was constantly on edge worrying and wondering if my bf and love of my life would lose his ability to walk. Thankfully, the treatment took and he didnât even end up needing physical therapy. This is when I truly believe or would like to hope he actually quit and wasnât doing N behind my back. Unfortunately it wouldnât matter, as Iâve learned, a lot of symptoms of N abuse donât show themselves until after you stop. Shortly after this event is when our relationship took a nosedive. He had also ditched the drug counselor. To compensate for no N he was drinking so often. He started to become aggressive and violent. I remember it all started in a fight where he got real close and in my face and stared me down to try and intimidate me. In a way it was both terrifying and laughable (because heâs only a few inches taller than me), I couldnât even comprehend the kind of person he had turned into. After that came the months and months of never ending name calling, insults, degradation, and constant arguments over every little thing I did. He became so addicted to the high of his power trip of making me feel small and weak he would find any excuse to fly into a rage at me, even when we were tripping on mushrooms together.
Nothing was ever the same after that. We didnât go out, didnât do dates, and every activity together felt like it was all a big chore to him. I could look in his eyes and see he was constantly thinking about N, and when he would do it next. He really changed, and what I am now realizing is he was probably starting to experience the effects of pure brain damage. My close friends who knew him even agree with me that there is a huge change in his demeanor around this time in April of 2023.
I also want to add more info about his bizarre behavior. He started to develop an unhealthy obsession with social media, scrutinizing what I posted and what he posted. He started to obsess over current events of any kind, any breaking story or ongoing conflict and he would rant and rant about the current state of the world and destruction of humanity all the time. He started to get obsessed with mental health and psychology and pathologize me and himself and other people in our lives. He would send me 10 videos everyday about mental health and relationships and expect me to reply and have a response for every single one like a book report. This obsession with the destruction of humanity turned into a paranoia about the world, he would often say no one understands him, and he is all alone. He turned on his best friends of several years because he was paranoid they were racists or had bad morals (they were all pleasant and nice people who enjoy edgy humor from time to time). There was no more middle ground for anything, you either loved something fully, or hated it fully. Somewhere down the line he actually got his account banned on Instagram for the craziest reason. He couldnât stop or control himself from having heated arguments with random strangers in comments sections, of almost any video of any topic. He would insult people there constantly.
Here is another big mistake I made.I allowed him to live with me, and we moved in together. At this point we had been dating for a year. Before this I lived on my own and didnât want to renew my lease, and he was living with his dad who was abusive and financially took advantage of him. At the time I was convinced that this bad behavior would go away if he could get away from his dad and his toxic household. Well the toxicity only followed. That summer we went to another weekend festival and he revealed to me when we got there he had purchased N and brought it. I was so conflicted as I myself had missed it quite a lot, and I had to deny myself my healthy regulated usage of it in order to not trigger him. I caved again and said we could do it only for this weekend. You may not at all be surprised to learn it didnât end that way.
After the festival everything truly fell apart. He continued to buy tanks of N and do them behind my back constantly. He would say he was just going to his car to talk to his friends, or his mom, and be gone for hours. Because he was totally abusing me and I had no idea because I was under his spell of manipulation, I had no recourse. Any comment of mine asking why he was gone for so long, why canât he just talk to his friends inside our apartment, Iâll go in the other room for privacy, was only met with complete indifference. These questions only pissed him off. He would say itâs because I was so exhausting and demanding he needed a break from me. When I would call him when heâs on one of these âexcursions,â he would every so often mute the call while I was talking or in a silent moment. I eventually realized he was hitting the tank every time he muted himself. When I finally called him out on this he gaslit me and told me he just does this all the time because he coughs and clears his throat, fyi he had never done this before in our relationship. Because I had no recourse I just had to agree and move on. And because his mind was deteriorating more and more each day he would go on to make randomly muting himself in calls as a common, thing so as to keep up the facade he told me. Actual crazy behavior.
He even started doing K again, he would clearly be f-ed out of his mind by both K and N, and stumble around our apartment with crazy red bulging eyes and again and again tell me he was just drunk. Around this time is when he finally divulges to me not only had he been abusing K for the 1.5 years before he met me, he had also been abusing N for 1.5 years before he met me. And it wasnât actually the case that he only âbeganâ to become addicted to N when we started dating and doing it together. This really started to put a lot into perspective for me, and it made sense how he had almost paralyzed himself over this, now at this current time 3+ year addiction to these substances, and it made me realize how psychologically and cognitively he was failing based on changes in his personality. You also have to understand he explained to me before he met me, he was doing 1.5-2 grams of K or more and N, EVERYDAY.
And still at this time the name calling, insults and manipulation continued. He of course was no longer experiencing any true âhighâ from the N anymore, it would just simply dull his senses. It was like a stereotypical violent alcoholic husband comes home from the bar and berates his wife, kind of situation, except with N. And I became obsessed with figuring out how to get him to stop and go back to the loving person I remembered meeting and loving. I began to do very toxic things, going through his backpack, going through his car, and constantly always finding tanks and balloons and all kinds of paraphilia everywhere. I would find tanks in our recycling bin, like he actually thought I wouldnât notice. I would come home late from being with friends and catch him passed out on the couch with an empty tank in his hand. He couldn't be left alone anymore. If he wasnât with me, 100% of the time he was sitting in his car doing N. At this point in time there was no forgiveness, I was completely broken. I would yell and scream at him or wake him up and demand he stop and choose me or the drugs, all terrible things to be doing. I know that.
Eventually it got so bad I felt I had no other recourse other than to call and inform his mother of his behavior and what he had been doing all this time. Me doing this is probably what saved his life, as there was never anyway I was going to get through to him myself. But it did not save his mental health. Even having his mother involved didnât stop any of it. He still went out and bought it behind my back like nothing happened. Another painful painful aspect of how his personality had changed is he would constantly have crazy back and forth mood swings, one minute showing me the sweet man I had fallen in love with, thanking me and praising me for having stepped in and put a stop to this, the next minute he hated me and I was the worst thing in his life and I could never tell what was even real anymore.
But did I leave, oh no, that would have been the smart thing to do.Instead at the time I was seeing a therapist who also specializes in couples therapy. I get us started with counseling and during our second session he gets called out by my therapist and yells and screams and berates her, it was actually insane. That is when things really ended between us. He moved out and moved into his moms apartment 30 minutes away that night. Even though the breakup was traumatizing and painful I still had hope that even if he isnât with me, now he will receive help from his mother. Well, she didnât place him in any special drug counselor program or rehab, she just severely cut off his finances so that he could pay off his debts, which she had bought back from several banks so it would not gain more and more interest. I do believe now his debt may be somewhere in the $10,000-$20,000 range. So now he, as an almost 30 year old man, needs to ask his mother in order to buy or purchase anything. Somehow, despite all of this I would learn he was continuing to do N and K.
Amazingly, we still tried briefly to even make our relationship work after he moved out. At this point he has mastered the art of manipulation and being fake, and convinced me he was getting better, he had even started to look better too, but he was still up to his old BS. He came over to the apartment once for us to have a mini date. Because he went on and on about how he was getting more and more into walks he said he was going to take a quick stroll around the block to get some fresh air. Well a quick stroll turns into 30 minutes, and I start to notice his car is gone from our street. I call him and he says now he is sitting in his car talking to his mom, I tell him I donât see his car and itâs been a long time, he clearly had left to buy N. He becomes irate and claims he simply moved his car down the block for âreasonsâ and I was in the wrong for being accusatory and not trusting him. P.S. I went down the block and he just was not there. This guy is either absolutely crazy or thinks Iâm some kind of imbecile, or both. It basically ended from there.
We tried to be civil, but he cannot control himself from completely going ballistic on me anymore, or his mother. And it is so painful when he is remorseful and doesnât remember all the things he said to me. At this point I have had to realize I am basically talking to and trying to reason with a mentally disabled person. The fun loving, easy going, creative, altruistic, thoughtful, smart and attentive man I met doesnât exist anymore, and I donât think he will ever come back. All that remains is the shell of a confused and angry person.
Some small things to address, how it came to be that he abused these drugs all the time before he met me is because his best friend was a drug dealer and in the beginning would give him all of these things for free. Once he was hooked and doing it everyday it seemed he would stop at no end to spend money and buy them. Yes K was definitely a contributor into his mild psychosis but I still think it would have happened even from the N abuse alone, based on research Iâve been doing lately. And yes I have to admit I think he had bad and malignant psychological traits before abusing drugs, and doing that made it all worse.
So that is the story of how I watched this man ruin his life, and scare away maybe the only person who could withstand experiencing all of his BS and still wanted to love and help him. There are SO MANY things I too should have done differently. There is also an age gap between us of 3 years, so I naively thought he had a better handle on his life than he really did. I do find it hard to understand how people can be so addicted at times, but in the end like my ex, everyone is trying to chase some kind of feeling or experience that came with it, rather than the drug itself.
Thank you for reading if you made it to the end.
TLDR: Two years ago I started dating a guy who wasnât honest with me about his 1.5 years of Nitrous abuse before we started dating. He was a sweet and honest and caring man when I met him. Sadly most of our relationship was spent on doing lots of Nitrous together. He eventually developed health problems like a vitamin B deficiency and even almost got paralysis and permanent nerve damage, which was hard for me to watch and witness. His health issues didnât deter him away from Nitrous and he was constantly buying tanks and doing it behind my back. The more he abused Nitrous the more abusive towards me he became as a person. Our relationship crumbled and not even getting his mom involved helped. He was also clearly experiencing psychosis and mental deterioration. We broke up because he yelled and screamed at my therapist and he had to move in with his mom. Moving in with his mom didnât stop his addiction even though she cut off his finances.
Even when we tried to make the relationship work he still abused it anyway. I would now consider him a mentally disabled person and I donât recognize who he even is anymore after 3+ years of abusing Nitrous almost everyday. Please use Nitrous responsibly or don't at all.
2024.05.13 23:09 Starbotcar How I found out my family was going on vacation (UPDATE!)
 | https://preview.redd.it/ea261x0ba90d1.jpg?width=857&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6553f5e1b63ac71c817a565197207e80ef80d7e3 submitted by Starbotcar to mildlyinfuriating [link] [comments] Hello again!! This is somewhat of a part two to my first post which got a LOT more attention than I thought it would, holy crap. Thank you all so much for the words of encouragement and for the advice on how to deal with this and to those who shared their own stories as well! I enjoyed reading through it all, and I thought the middle child and home alone jokes were very funny lol. I noticed a lot of comments about the contact names and I canât believe it needs to be said, but the nicknames I have for my parents and my family group chat are not mean spirited or meant to be an insult. I have funny names in my contacts for all of my friends and family and all of these names have something to do with an inside joke that they are aware of. My mom liked her nickname so much my parents later made it the router name too. Also the Dork squad is a group chat. Iâm not the one who made the name and even if I was, all of my family can see it. They donât care, they think itâs funny. Anyways, I know itâs been awhile since my first post came out. I wasnât really planning on posting an update since, Iâll be honest, the amount of attention the first one got was incredibly unexpected and a bit overwhelming for a bit. đ But unfortunately the drama continues, soâŠHeres to part two! (Im not entirely sure if this still technically belongs in mildly infuriating, someone let me know if this needs to be moved and I will move it thanks) I want to start by saying that my parents are terrible communicators and this is not the first time they have forgotten to tell me something that is going on. This has been an issue my entire childhood where plans are made and Iâm expected to be able to drop everything to go with them despite them not telling me about it until the last minute. This was especially a problem when I was doing online school and still living with them. It would happen so often where I would have assignments due on certain days and have time put aside in advance for myself to finish them to then get sprung with a surprise âGet in the car, didnât we tell you itâs your grandpas birthday dinner tonight? Its time to go right now!â So then Iâm forced to choose between my grade and an event I could have made it too much easier if I had known I needed to plan my time around it. Iâve tried expressing my frustrations at them many many times but they always just buckle down and refuse to admit any fault. It always gets turned on me somehow and the times where theyâve halfheartedly said that they will do better they never actually do. Though I find it incredibly annoying, I still love my parents and I know the miscommunication is never done intentionally, (at least not until recently but Iâll get into that in a bit) and though our relationship hasnât always been 100% and weâve had our rocky patches I still want to have a good relationship with them. So I decided to still go to the resort. Iâll spare the details of that trip because it was only a couple days and not super eventful, but I did TRY to have a conversation with my parents again while I was there. I barely got a sentence in about it when my mom accused me of âattacking herâ and again the blame was put on me. âEverybody else knew about it so clearly youâre the problem.â I know my memory isnât the best, but they never even told me when they were planning on going up. Was I supposed to read their mind?? I hadnât meant to start a confrontation, I only wanted to express why the lack of communication had frustrated me and to suggest that they try to use the group chat more often but of course like usual they didnât want to hear it and only got more defensive so I quickly shut up about it and didnât say anything more. This response isnât anything new soâŠWhatever. I shove my feelings aside and just try to have fun with my siblings and hope that at least some of what I said will reach them and encourage them to be better. Boy it did not⊠A week goes by, itâs now Motherâs Day and im invited for dinner. My brother is back from college, all the siblings are there, things are great. I ask my dad if our grandparents are coming over since they usually come by every year for Motherâs Day and Fatherâs Day dinners. My dad looks at me and says that they had gone to visit them yesterday and that I should have known that since I had been invited. I am incredibly confused because I know FOR SURE I had not heard this was happening. I try to explain that I hadnât heard ANYTHING but dad insisted that my mom had called me and that I had said that I had work and couldnât make it. I told him no, that definitely didnât happen and tried to insist that nobody had told me anything. He responded by accusing me of forgetting, saying it shouldnât be his job to remind me of things etc etc⊠I agree, but how am I supposed to remember something I was never told about?! Whatever. I donât like getting into arguments and he was so sure in his claims I honestly started to doubt whether maybe my mom actually HAD called me or not. It wasnât until dinner when all of us were there and the conversation of grandparents came up again that we figured out what happened. My mom with a big smile on her face very proudly admitted to the family that she had intentionally not invited me, and more than that had lied to my dad about having done so. His entire face fell. She says she had done it because she knew Iâd be upset at her for not telling her sooner so she decided not to tell me at all. She explained this while still smiling like it was a funny joke. At first response I was relieved to have been right about not knowing about it, but by the end of dinner the emotions had set in and I went into the other room to cry. I donât even care that I missed it, I donât think I could have made it anyways with my work schedule, Iâm just more upset that she made the effort to exclude me. I can forgive it being an accident if they forgot, but she made the conscious choice to leave me out then admitted it to my face while expecting me to just laugh it off?? it feels like I expressed to her something I was upset about and she reacted by doing it again but much worse just to punish me for being upset. I wanted to leave right then but apart of myself was trying to reason that I was just overreacting and getting upset over something that wasnât a big deal. It wasnât until I talked to some friends about it that I came to the conclusion that yeah. That was messed up. Im just not sure what to do about it now. Talking about it with her will just make her defensive and knowing both of my parents nothing will ever actually change. |
2024.05.13 23:09 ApartSupermarket1817 I need to know how to safely express who I am (38M)
Iâve gone through most of my life being attracted to women. Iâm attracted to a huge variety of women, regardless of body shape, heritage, age, and so on. Ever since early puberty, though, Iâve always had a little spark of attraction to men. This attraction was always much more specific, related to body types and such. It was never as strong as my attraction to women, but as Iâve gotten older Iâve learned that I pretty reliably ride the âbi-cycle,â and that depending on the time of month, I may be more into women than men, more into men than women, and back and forth like that.
Through all of this, Iâve also discovered that I have a very strong attraction to crossdressing. I really enjoy putting in the time and effort to be the most attractive I can be as a woman, and be able to present as female. I wouldnât go so far as to say Iâm ânon-binary,â because this desire doesnât manifest itself very often, but when it does, itâs very strong. Itâs practically all I can think about. I call it âthe pink werewolfâ coming out. And when this comes, I have this intense desire to be seen and appreciated as an attractive, female-presenting person, and especially to be an object of sexual desire.
Iâm engaged to a lovely and kind-hearted woman who is aware of all this - to a certain extent. She knows Iâve had this history of sexual experimentation, and sheâs been very accepting of that. I havenât expressed ANY of these non-heteronormative behaviors in our relationship, though, and Iâll explain why:
We have a tough enough time initiating sex right now. And weâre facing a lot of stress as we try to finalize our wedding plans. Weâve had a lot of arguments lately that have left me feeling drained, and in response to this Iâm looking for outlets where I feel seen, appreciated, and desired. I would never step outside of our relationship, because I truly love this woman. The way she looks at me, the way she takes care of me, the way we make each other laugh, and the safety and care I can provide to her⊠thatâs something you only find once in a lifetime.
I just donât know what to do. Do I just wait, tie the knot, provide what I can to make things better for us, and then talk about how to ease this stuff into our sex life when we have more emotional bandwidth? Do I seek out âalternativeâ outlets like online roleplay, video chat, OnlyFans, and so on, just to âscratch the itchâ without burdening my girl with more to process? Or is this a sign of something deeper that I should make more of a priority for myself somehow? Am I risking my relationship by even âgoing there?â I just donât know how to be all of myself without somehow causing harm, and that makes me very sad.
submitted by ApartSupermarket1817 to comingout [link] [comments]
Through all of this, Iâve also discovered that I have a very strong attraction to crossdressing. I really enjoy putting in the time and effort to be the most attractive I can be as a woman, and be able to present as female. I wouldnât go so far as to say Iâm ânon-binary,â because this desire doesnât manifest itself very often, but when it does, itâs very strong. Itâs practically all I can think about. I call it âthe pink werewolfâ coming out. And when this comes, I have this intense desire to be seen and appreciated as an attractive, female-presenting person, and especially to be an object of sexual desire.
Iâm engaged to a lovely and kind-hearted woman who is aware of all this - to a certain extent. She knows Iâve had this history of sexual experimentation, and sheâs been very accepting of that. I havenât expressed ANY of these non-heteronormative behaviors in our relationship, though, and Iâll explain why:
- My fiancĂ©e has been through a lot. She lost her father last year, and has been on a weight loss journey that has been tough to maintain. She struggles with ADHD and anxiety, and her job regularly drains her. This has led to her cocooning up into just doomscrolling on her phone at the end of the day, with no real interest in engaging with anyone. I do what I can to support her, but sometimes Iâm just at a loss.
- We havenât had sex in a long time. I proposed to her at the start of the year, but we havenât made love except maybe once since then, and that was months ago. She has a lot of anxiety about sex now, whereas she didnât before, when we were first dating. Her last boyfriend used sex as a way to guilt trip her and control the relationship, and sheâs having a hard time unlearning that. She also cites having a lot of fear of being unattractive, and of not being able to reach climax because she canât get into the right headspace for it. I always tell her sheâs lovely and pretty and sexy, and she knows anytime she wants to âget some,â Iâm right here for her. But itâs been getting harder and harder to initiate with her because Iâm just not motivated anymore. I love her, and want to connect with her, but Iâm a little weary of how disconnected we are on this front, and I donât even know where to start with her anymore. Nothing âcomes naturally,â at least not lately. She has a vibrator and is able to use that pretty freely, which actually makes me a little jealous. I guess my thinking is, âIf itâs so easy for her to get off without me around, what about me makes it difficult?â Iâm not sure thatâs the right way to think about it, though. I mean, I can jerk off all the time, whatâs the difference there?
- Sheâs expressed fear about ânot being enoughâ for me. When I first explained to her how I tried out all sorts of sexual flavors in my past, she made it clear that she wanted to know if she would be enough for me. I said that the point of being in a relationship is so that youâre into it for the person, not the acts. That there are many healthy and creative ways for couples to act on their interests. I would never want her fears there to be realized. That would be terrible for her. Thatâs the last thing I want to do.
We have a tough enough time initiating sex right now. And weâre facing a lot of stress as we try to finalize our wedding plans. Weâve had a lot of arguments lately that have left me feeling drained, and in response to this Iâm looking for outlets where I feel seen, appreciated, and desired. I would never step outside of our relationship, because I truly love this woman. The way she looks at me, the way she takes care of me, the way we make each other laugh, and the safety and care I can provide to her⊠thatâs something you only find once in a lifetime.
I just donât know what to do. Do I just wait, tie the knot, provide what I can to make things better for us, and then talk about how to ease this stuff into our sex life when we have more emotional bandwidth? Do I seek out âalternativeâ outlets like online roleplay, video chat, OnlyFans, and so on, just to âscratch the itchâ without burdening my girl with more to process? Or is this a sign of something deeper that I should make more of a priority for myself somehow? Am I risking my relationship by even âgoing there?â I just donât know how to be all of myself without somehow causing harm, and that makes me very sad.
2024.05.13 23:06 adidasmutze Should I stay or should I go?
Hi fellow redditusers
I really need your advice. I am a 20 year old male and currently located in Europe, Switzerland, as an au pair. I am taking care of two boys for 3 months now, and to put it lightly, it has not been an easy journey. I originally anticipated leaving in August per my contract, but I do not feel like this is the right place for me, or anyone, anymore. The things making me stay are my conscience and moral. I am going to share my story, and hope that some of you can understand my ongoing issues here.
First of all, the relationship between the mom and dad is falling apart. There is no love or affection between them, and the only type of communication they have, is arguing. They call each other names and the love is nowhere to be found. The boys are supposed to be raised in a loving and humble way, and I am trying my best. But at the same time, it is not my job to take care of the relationship - I am here regarding the boys and making the parentsâ lives easier. On the other hand, the boys are witnessing these arguments, and the father also has a problem with alcohol. So, as the fight goes further, the more likely he is to leave for the night and doesn't show up until everyone has gone to bed - him being drunk. Frankly, I can't tell, when he has been drinking, but the mother sees right through him. It is hard to be in the middle of all this - as the helplessness kicks in. The discussion have been getting worse as time went by. The youngest of their sons (6) is also very sensitive and gets emotional very easily. He cries multiple times throughout the day, and gets very aggressive if he does not get it his way. He is definitely a challenge for me, mentally. Wouldn't be a problem without all this other stuff happening although. Meanwhile the family is planning to move into a renovated house next month, ongoing since Corona.. It seems very unrealistic for them, as they are basically planning a divorce in the midst of it. I truly wanted all of this to work out for them, but it takes a huge toll on me as well. Also, the municipality had to visit the family here, to make sure that everything is okay within the family. However, it did not turn out as one could hope, since they just put on a mask and the parents made everything seem like there was nothing going on behind the walls. The kids didn't say anything either; they are kids. The municipality does not show up to check on every other family, there needs to be something bad going on - so that just clarifies how serious my situation is, but nothing changed though. The reason for all this is probably found in the dad's roots, and a lot of problems with renovating the house. I have a great bond with the mother, and I get to hear her thoughts on the situation. She thinks, that he's a psychopath. Why the mother hasn't left the problematic father yet? Something in her tells her to hold on.. neither she or I can explain it.
Now, you are probably thinking:"Why haven't you, as an au pair, left already?" And yes, I know. My friends are kind of telling me the same. The thing is, I can't. It would be devastating for me to leave in the midst of hell for the family, and I for sure know it wouldn't make a single thing easier. I feel like I'm the rope holding the family together, so it doesn't fall apart. I know, it is not my responsibility, and I'm actually only here to be au pair. And these are not fair conditions to be an au pair at the moment. What should I do?
TLDR: Family problems regarding a drunk father not able to raise his children properly. Should I leave or stay 3 more months?
submitted by adidasmutze to Aupairs [link] [comments]
I really need your advice. I am a 20 year old male and currently located in Europe, Switzerland, as an au pair. I am taking care of two boys for 3 months now, and to put it lightly, it has not been an easy journey. I originally anticipated leaving in August per my contract, but I do not feel like this is the right place for me, or anyone, anymore. The things making me stay are my conscience and moral. I am going to share my story, and hope that some of you can understand my ongoing issues here.
First of all, the relationship between the mom and dad is falling apart. There is no love or affection between them, and the only type of communication they have, is arguing. They call each other names and the love is nowhere to be found. The boys are supposed to be raised in a loving and humble way, and I am trying my best. But at the same time, it is not my job to take care of the relationship - I am here regarding the boys and making the parentsâ lives easier. On the other hand, the boys are witnessing these arguments, and the father also has a problem with alcohol. So, as the fight goes further, the more likely he is to leave for the night and doesn't show up until everyone has gone to bed - him being drunk. Frankly, I can't tell, when he has been drinking, but the mother sees right through him. It is hard to be in the middle of all this - as the helplessness kicks in. The discussion have been getting worse as time went by. The youngest of their sons (6) is also very sensitive and gets emotional very easily. He cries multiple times throughout the day, and gets very aggressive if he does not get it his way. He is definitely a challenge for me, mentally. Wouldn't be a problem without all this other stuff happening although. Meanwhile the family is planning to move into a renovated house next month, ongoing since Corona.. It seems very unrealistic for them, as they are basically planning a divorce in the midst of it. I truly wanted all of this to work out for them, but it takes a huge toll on me as well. Also, the municipality had to visit the family here, to make sure that everything is okay within the family. However, it did not turn out as one could hope, since they just put on a mask and the parents made everything seem like there was nothing going on behind the walls. The kids didn't say anything either; they are kids. The municipality does not show up to check on every other family, there needs to be something bad going on - so that just clarifies how serious my situation is, but nothing changed though. The reason for all this is probably found in the dad's roots, and a lot of problems with renovating the house. I have a great bond with the mother, and I get to hear her thoughts on the situation. She thinks, that he's a psychopath. Why the mother hasn't left the problematic father yet? Something in her tells her to hold on.. neither she or I can explain it.
Now, you are probably thinking:"Why haven't you, as an au pair, left already?" And yes, I know. My friends are kind of telling me the same. The thing is, I can't. It would be devastating for me to leave in the midst of hell for the family, and I for sure know it wouldn't make a single thing easier. I feel like I'm the rope holding the family together, so it doesn't fall apart. I know, it is not my responsibility, and I'm actually only here to be au pair. And these are not fair conditions to be an au pair at the moment. What should I do?
TLDR: Family problems regarding a drunk father not able to raise his children properly. Should I leave or stay 3 more months?
2024.05.13 23:04 Concheria GPT-4o IS AGI
Okay, hear me out. I'm not trying to do a clickbait. I'm serious about this.
Everyone knows that this model's codename was shown in the LMSYS chatbot arena as GPT2 (Not to be confused with GPT-2.) I'm convinced that the reason it was named GPT2 is because it really, truly is a new version of the Generative Pre-Trained Transformer architecture. This version is no longer an LLM, but a model that can take virtually any input and produce any output. It can also run in real-time to produce those inputs, and refine and iterate over them.
And we all saw it running in real-time and talking to people. It's not just a program that receives words, translates them into words and then outputs more words predicting next likely tokens, like previous versions of it, or Alexa or Google Assistant or whatever. It can tell the users' emotional state, it can distinguish between different speakers, it can receive real-time video responses to analyze what's happening and solve problems. It can remember responses, and adjust its tone, speed and personality,
What wasn't shown in the presentation is that it's also fully multimodal. Just look at the examples in their model page in the website. Their image synthesis system isn't Dall-E. It can produce coherent characters and details over many images, it can edit pictures and combine multiple pictures, it can create typographies and use patterns to create new images based on instructions, it can create 3D models and write long chunks of text into images. I'm going to bet it can also synthesize audio and video, and edit details, because it's all the same model that can be trained to produce and edit any content, as they've implied in the presentation, though they haven't currently talked about it in the page.
Now, as an LLM, it's not that smart. At least, it's not that much smarter than base GPT-4. I'm convinced this is the reason why they didn't call it GPT-5, because if they had, every Internet commentator would have been like "Well, this isn't that smart! LLMs are dead!" And they'd be right - This model isn't that smart in itself. It just can do everything.
If a model that (1) runs in real time, (2) can receive instructions and execute tasks, (3) receive any input to produce any output, (4) able to refine its own output in any modality, and (5) think over time to achieve goals isn't AGI, I honestly don't know what that could be.
This may not be GPT-5, because it's not yet capable of zero-shot proving the Riemann Zeta Function Hypothesis, but this is the most important thing OpenAI has put out, and I'm convinced that they're purposefully downplaying how capable it is to avoid this particular label.
Now, this doesn't mean that AGI needs to be super-intelligent. This model will probably be dumber than a human at many tasks, and have lots of limitations. It'll feel kind of slow, like talking to someone through a bad VoIP connection. It won't be able to self-improve. It'll fail at many, many tasks, and fuck up many times. And we won't see OpenAI call it AGI, but when a model is finally declared AGI, it'll be several further iterations of this. If you asked me what AGI is supposed to do (A very nebulous term that's hard to define), it'd be definitely this.
By the way, the context limit is currently 128k on ChatGPT and the web, but I'd be surprised if this is the real limit. I'm sure higher limits are possible, considering efforts like Google's have yielded models of 10 million tokens or more
submitted by Concheria to singularity [link] [comments]
Everyone knows that this model's codename was shown in the LMSYS chatbot arena as GPT2 (Not to be confused with GPT-2.) I'm convinced that the reason it was named GPT2 is because it really, truly is a new version of the Generative Pre-Trained Transformer architecture. This version is no longer an LLM, but a model that can take virtually any input and produce any output. It can also run in real-time to produce those inputs, and refine and iterate over them.
And we all saw it running in real-time and talking to people. It's not just a program that receives words, translates them into words and then outputs more words predicting next likely tokens, like previous versions of it, or Alexa or Google Assistant or whatever. It can tell the users' emotional state, it can distinguish between different speakers, it can receive real-time video responses to analyze what's happening and solve problems. It can remember responses, and adjust its tone, speed and personality,
What wasn't shown in the presentation is that it's also fully multimodal. Just look at the examples in their model page in the website. Their image synthesis system isn't Dall-E. It can produce coherent characters and details over many images, it can edit pictures and combine multiple pictures, it can create typographies and use patterns to create new images based on instructions, it can create 3D models and write long chunks of text into images. I'm going to bet it can also synthesize audio and video, and edit details, because it's all the same model that can be trained to produce and edit any content, as they've implied in the presentation, though they haven't currently talked about it in the page.
Now, as an LLM, it's not that smart. At least, it's not that much smarter than base GPT-4. I'm convinced this is the reason why they didn't call it GPT-5, because if they had, every Internet commentator would have been like "Well, this isn't that smart! LLMs are dead!" And they'd be right - This model isn't that smart in itself. It just can do everything.
If a model that (1) runs in real time, (2) can receive instructions and execute tasks, (3) receive any input to produce any output, (4) able to refine its own output in any modality, and (5) think over time to achieve goals isn't AGI, I honestly don't know what that could be.
This may not be GPT-5, because it's not yet capable of zero-shot proving the Riemann Zeta Function Hypothesis, but this is the most important thing OpenAI has put out, and I'm convinced that they're purposefully downplaying how capable it is to avoid this particular label.
Now, this doesn't mean that AGI needs to be super-intelligent. This model will probably be dumber than a human at many tasks, and have lots of limitations. It'll feel kind of slow, like talking to someone through a bad VoIP connection. It won't be able to self-improve. It'll fail at many, many tasks, and fuck up many times. And we won't see OpenAI call it AGI, but when a model is finally declared AGI, it'll be several further iterations of this. If you asked me what AGI is supposed to do (A very nebulous term that's hard to define), it'd be definitely this.
By the way, the context limit is currently 128k on ChatGPT and the web, but I'd be surprised if this is the real limit. I'm sure higher limits are possible, considering efforts like Google's have yielded models of 10 million tokens or more