To clarify, I’m not at all upset at the individual housing employee who did it, I’m just upset at the situation. As in my previous post, intern housing was delayed, but they never updated the extended stay on my door. Wake up this morning to a housing employee trying to get into my dorm, which I didn’t realize at first which was terrifying. No knocking or identifying themselves. They pointed to the fact that my door said the 13th, and it’s now the 14th, and I explained the situation to them. They just never updated my door. Still, even though you believe no one to be there, it should still be professional courtesy to knock regardless. But again, they are still just doing their job, I’m more upset at the unorganized apparatus that is housing in general. Just needed to get that off my chest.

In this edition of “Odd Titanica”, we are going to dive into the sleazy, opportunistic world of show business. A world that comedian Fred Allen said of, “you can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly, and still have room for three caraway seeds and a producer’s heart”. Hyperbolic? Let’s take a look at Hollywood’s response to the Titanic disaster to see that there really is no business like show business.
Dorothy Gibson and the lost, first, film are well worn trivia by now. The traumatized actress rushed into production, her inability to process her trauma causing her mental breakdown, collapse, and retirement from acting immediately after the film was finished - it’s a perfect story to demonstrate the callousness of the film industry. But there is more to the story, and digging deeper shows us that “Saved” may have been the least sleazy project undertaken by the studios.
Dorothy’s account of the sinking and the suffering she endured filming “Saved from the Titanic” are predominantly found in two sources - The New York Dramatic Mirror and Moving Picture World. These were trade magazines, published weekly, and consisting solely of material related to the stage and screen business. These would be announcements of upcoming features, casting news, celebrity gossip, technical news - anything the movie star to the man sweeping the floor at the cinema needed to know. And they included ads … lots and lots of ads.
Immediately realizing that Titanic was not only a horrible tragedy but an incredible business opportunity, Moving Picture World got to work. As people stormed White Star Line offices, and raided newspaper carts for any drop of news regarding the sinking, Moving Picture World provided the latest in Titanic news; or perhaps we should say “Titanic” news.
The headlines of the April 27th issue may have screamed TITANIC, but as the public grabbed their copy and hurriedly flipped through the pages, they found that what they were actually given was ads. Those eye grabbing headlines were followed by much smaller print-
TITANIC EFFORTS... are being exerted by Champion to put before the exhibitors that will make them regular Champ Patrons! Get the following latest [releases] and you’ll be convinced!.
UNSINKABLE … is the reputation of Rep productions, but these two releases will sink into the minds of everyone who sees them and will remain there as worthy object lessons.
THE CRY OF THE CHILDREN …suggested by the poem of Elizabeth Barret Browning in 2 reels this Tuesday!
THE GREATEST MOTION PICTURE OF NATIONAL INTEREST - THE SINKING OF…. the big battleship. Remember the Maine!
THE DEATH SHIP...a sensational two reel drama of the sea containing one of the most thrilling dynamite explosions imaginable!
For all the slimy marketing tricks, flipping through the pages still has plenty of legitimate ads for real Titanic newsreels, movies, and a specific type of presentation known a Myriorama involving painting, music, and recitation. But, show business would strike again - the ads were legitimate, but what they were advertising was not. History has sort of forgotten the huge demand for Titanic media in the wake of the sinking, something that didn’t really exist. When cinema owners would order these “only surviving genuine negatives of the disaster” complete with lobby display package, they instead received-

our astonishment to find the Lusitania and Olympic, and one or two scratch films of ancient days posing as pictures of Titanic.

But they didn’t stop. Animated Weekly advertised that they were “the first to reach the wreck… chartered a tug from Cape Breton and rushed to the scene while the survivors were still in the water”. Cinemas began to promote footage of the sinking. Audiences wrote their disgust to Moving Picture World-

These representations are to the point of criminality … Take, for instance, the picture showing the Titanic with about a sixth of her forward length stuck into the iceberg. Everybody knows the collision did not occur in that manner!

They pointed to the following ad as an example - FIRST PICTURES OF THE TITANIC OCEAN DISASTER. The cinema owners responded by noting that they had misread, crammed in tiny letters were the words “sunk in” so that ad actually read FIRST PICTURES OF THE TITANIC sunk in OCEAN DISASTER. It was the customer's fault, they said, to be stupid enough to think anyone could have actually filmed the sinking.
Once this ruse was discovered, the studios shifted gears. The next step was to advertise film along with presentations by “A Lecturer who was on board”. When the audience realized the lecturer was not on Titanic and demanded a refund - the response from the managers was

Those signs didn’t say he was a survivor.

… and any attempt to charge him with the crime of fraud was absurd because, in his own words-

Of course I didn’t give him his money back. The sign didn’t misrepresent anything. West was on the Titanic, the sign didn’t say when he was.

…which was true. The lecturer, Eugene West, had visited Titanic while she was under construction at Belfast.
As for the movies themselves?

We said we had pictures. If people were foolish enough to think we meant moving pictures, that was their fault.

This particular cheated audience member was told if he wanted his money back, to go on the street and sing for it. Whether it was this, or something else, eventually the public snapped and began hauling out cinema managers and beating them in the streets. By May, the mayors of Boston and Memphis had banned the showing of any Titanic pictures - moving or still- within the city.
But, where was Dorothy in all this? Tucked in the very back of the magazine, after another newsreel ad,, we get to the celebrity sighting and gossip section. Ed Lux of the Rex Film Exchange was in town, Dan Markowitz of Fox Pictures was as well, Arthur Schmidt of the Victor Film Company was seen having a lovely spa at a Turkish Bath, Sam Gobel of the St Louis Motion Picture Company has been walking up and down 42nd street, we don’t know if Southern film maker Henry Wasserman is still here but he might be, Dorothy Gibson survived the sinking of the Titanic, and the Director of Selig Pictures took some actresses to Santa Catalina for a swim and a photoshoot and they had a great time.
By the following edition, on May 2nd, Moving Picture World was also able to provide its readers with the first stills from “Saved from the Titanic” and a feature on Dorothy. Along with this, tucked in the editorials, the magazine finally published a piece of truthful news about the Titanic disaster-

Senator William Alden Smith … declined to grant permission to have the cinematopgraph make a record of the sessions of the committee. “The sessions” he is quoted as saying…”are solemn affairs and must not be hippodromed or commercialized”. He is, however, falling into a serious error in judgement-

…they sniffed.

As a matter of right, the camera man ought to have been permitted. The day of the enfranchisement of the motion picture will surely come .. which will give equal rights to the cinematographer and the newspaper man.

Then, among the illegal false advertising and reports of public brawls at the cinema, they ended with-

The lesson of the Titanic disaster and all its incidents can be made far more impressive by pictures that move than by mere words in cold letters.

I'm not really sure how exactly it happened, but I do have some clues. I think I probably took so long carefully crafting my perfect character, that when I was finally done and instead of embarking on an epic journey, was greeted with another character creation screen telling me I need a Guardian, I just randomly clicked on the first pre-made portrait that happened to be a female githyanki.
Then, after my first session, I had to take a long break from gaming and only got back to the game after 2 or 3 months. At this point I completely forgot I 'created' anyone else then my original character. So I'm happily exploring Act 1 with my little party, from which I dropped Lae'zel pretty fast because I just didn't trust her. She wasn't killed, but wasn't at my camp either, and I generally thought of her as a suspicious character that might just have something to do with my kidnapping.
And then, the first contact with my dream guardian happens, and she comes up to me as a female gith I have zero recollection of creating myself, so I think to myself: aha, this must be Lae'zel coming back to haunt me after I ditched her. Why isn't she using her real name though? Nevermind, she's probably important to the plot and this is the devs' way of ensuring I don't miss out on this part of the game, even if I don't have her in my party.
So this is what I believed until the big reveal. Each time I talked or met with a dream guardian, I was sure it was Lae'zel making sure I was okay and being really persistent about it. Felt a little weird to see her care so much to protect me after we met on the nautiloid for just an hour and then parted ways, but hey, if this was the studio and the writers' idea, who am I to question it?
And then, when I met the guardian in their true form, I was still like, okay? So the plot twist was that she really was one of them the whole time? I KNEW! Something only clicked for me later, when I saw a post in this subreddit where people were talking about randomizing the dream guardian's looks or making them into something specific, and I thought oh... so I created them... oh... so this really is a whole another person...
Now on my second playthrough I made them attractive and let me tell you does this hit different, even though I know what's coming. Kind of bummed I cheated myself out of this plot twist because it would have been one of those gaming moments you remember forever.

I’m not interested in people who don’t give their introduction to me or saying only “ hi hru” and I won’t answer you in case u did not read my post clearly enough
Hi everyone, I’m looking for friends to do activities, talk with in daily life constantly during this school break for practicing my English.(I prefer vc but idm we chatting first)
First of all, I’m 21 college girl from South east asia (Yea, I’m Asian) I’m pretty introverted.Anyways, I’ll become to be a talkative persons once I get comfortable.
secondly, My hobbies are drawing, I prefer to draw in anime lines, playing pc games such as story games or coop sometimes on steam (we can play some games that we can coop)And, the last things is learning languages, I’m learning French and English right now, it will be good if I have some eu or the us friends to practice with.Morever, the things I really like is collecting K-pop albums, perfumes, and I also love fashion.I assumed you can count on me in term of fashionable.My style is Acubi, y2k, old money, and every core lol.
Finally, I mostly active on discord the most, and my intention is to make new friends here.And, I warn someone who has rude manner like text me without introduction or only flirting, you won’t give my reply back fr since I’m picky person to choose quality friends come into my life.
Bonus point : I really pref EU people, but not requested.If you feel like my post catch your eyes Feel free to dm me with ur introduction.

I got bored one day and just decided to watch youtube.
well that was the day I discovered a "cryptid" which also discovering like all creatures they can indeed die so naturally I got a sudden idea of hunting a few.. of course I've seen a few posts on this reddit and most said never do it alone so then I gathered 4 different people all 3 were military
which is good because they were good with hand to hand combat no doubt I felt confident but since we still needed a plan of finding one because everyone had their doubts they existed besides one guy which was just someone who wanted to tag along and we agreed but he said he actually seen one as a kid but one of the military people (his name was john) said that as a kid you could see things since your brain was still developing but I'm gonna do a thing to show what they said
John: "well ya know you can easily see sh** as a kid since your brain was still growing"
the random person: "well yeah but I was 15 years old which it kind of stops doing that"
John: "yeah I don't know but can we get a move on? I'm supposed to go somewhere later.'
after that one of us gave out the smart idea of going to a wooden area filled with trees where you could not even see the sky which made a weird setting.. almost felt like it wasn't real and another guy (Kain) pointed out we let a random guy we have never seen before tag along and we were going to ask but when we turned to him he was gone.
now that seems unlikely, right? well we seen footsteps we thought he bailed didn't seem like a struggle but john knew something was off and we followed the footsteps and we followed for an hour but Kain as always quickly pointed out that the steps were getting father apart; he was running fast but their was no other tracks so clearly he was just lost.
we just called the cops and explained he seemed to have gotten lost
Cop: "why didn't he just follow his tracks to get back to you guys?"
everyone went silent and just looked at each other and the cop shook their head and walked over to the foot prints and asked us what kind of shoes the guy was wearing (we didn't know and though the cop could tell by the foot prints alone)
John: "I don't think this is something people often pay attention towards, okay?
Cop:" I mean these are not shoes these are bare foot prints almost animal"
for some reason it was only one cop and we though nothing of it and I forget everything kinda happened but he did leave and we didn't really go back we continues actually
our only items were: a flashlight, bottles of water, military food supply which john had almost all the time.
we set a camp in a clearing
John: "we should just set a lamp down and keep it their. after all a "cryptid" could see the smoke and come after us"
Kaine: "I think they would avoid light"
John: "you know if theses things fo exist that means their are multiple types like that weird goat creature which just attacks."
Kaine: "nerd."
John didn't get mad but gave up on the lamp idea and we set a fire and went to sleep. of course that was the weird part because in the middle of the night the loudest scream you could have ever heard which I think I could never forget.
also the 3rd guy (Charley) was just silent if you're wondering why he has no input in sentence because he was mute
(looking back on it now that was kind of a bad move to have a mute guy on the team but he was pretty strong)
I was the only one that jumped up seemingly Charley was never asleep in the first place and was sitting on a log assumingly keeping the fire alive he was looking around trying to see what the sound could have been and that moment is the first time I've ever seen him in fear he grabbed a gun from Charles truck and pointed it at what seemed like thin air.
of course since I said it seemed like thin air it actually was nothing. I grabbed a flashlight and pointed it at where he was aiming and seen it.
it was pale and had long red claws did not look human but it was looking at us and Charley turned the pistol off safety and fired.
it screeched but did not run and clearly since the gun was so loud Kaine and John got up deeply confused grabbed their flashlight and pointed it around it was bleeding.. everywhere but it didn't move.
John pulled a bigger gun from the floor board of his truck and also fired which it didn't move but it started inching closer.. and closer and that point John and charley were firing round after round after round into the creature we had stop Kaine from just jumping at it because he was pissed he woke up to this thing but he calmed down and rat blood almost all over the camp and did not react to anything at all we left immediately and gave up the idea of hunting these thing
you'll call this entire story fake and bull but being in this moment only then will you realize that maybe you're not as strong as you honestly think if a barrage of bullets couldn't stop such a thing.
Kaine, john , Charley and me got in the truck and rushed out of their (left the camp altogether because we did not wanna run into this thing but I can only imagine how badly it would have been if I went alone and not with a team so for god sakes make sure you have a strong set of people before you do this.
also if you think you know what type of creature this could have been please just say so I have never seen such a thing
the stranger is unrelated we really just think he went missing and we're being questioned about his disappearance till this day

I saw the surgeon's PA and the surgeon yesterday for my two week follow-up and we were all thrilled. This second hip has been such a different experience for me, thanks to physical therapy for the left hip right up to the day before surgery for my right.
Quick recap: 58F, osteoarthritis in both hips, left anterior THR on February 1, right anterior THR on April 25, both Mako with Stryker hardware.
Surgeon's report: Potential Limitations: None. Comparision Available: Findings Are New. X-rays of the pelvis and right hip have been taken, reviewed and interpreted by me today. Right hip x-rays show anatomic alignment of right total hip arthroplasty. Components well-seated and well aligned. Left total hip arthroplasty also in place, well-seated and well aligned. Leg length appears to be within 1 cm when measuring along a line along the inferior border of the pelvis, intersecting the lesser trochanters.
I started using the cane this past weekend and switched back and forth from cane to walker depending on how much extra support I felt I needed. I was using the cane for my appointment. He pointed out that I was having a bit of difficulty starting walking once I stood up from the chair but once I took a few steps, I was unstoppable. 😀 Those first few steps are tough because my thigh muscles are still tight. Heck, I'm two and a half weeks out, still so early in the healing process, and yeah, that right thigh is mad.
I asked the PA if it would be possible for me to drive a block and a half to my PT appointment at in-town speeds not to exceed 20mph. She encouraged me to start working on getting in and out of the car and driving shirt distances, even up to running quick errands around town. Restrictions: No pain meds on board, no highway speeds, and absolutely no driving if I'm having trouble lifting my right leg.
I've also been cleared to start working from home starting next week. New challenge: To take frequent walk breaks during my workday so I don't stiffen up all over and slow my progress.
This has been such a long time coming. I've struggled with my left hip for literal decades when the first signs of arthritis showed up on x-rays in my 20s. Things had degenerated on the left to the point where I wasn't really able to walk by mid-December 2023. I was in such poor physical condition going into the surgery for the left that it took 10 weeks of recovery and physical therapy before I felt comfortable enough that my left leg could carry me and I could get the right one done.
I want to thank this community for all the support and sharing stories and willingness to answer questions from all your personal experiences. Of course, this post wouldn't be complete unless I threw in the cliche:
Why did I wait so long??
😆🩷🩷

Hi there! I currently have a Thermaltake Level 20 VT as a case for my PC. I am also listing the rest of components needed for finding a case:

• MSI MAG B550M (Micro ATX)
• Corsair Hydro H100x (Top, I can't remember if I installed it as intake or outtake)
• Nvidia GeForce 3080ti FE
• Corsair RM850 850W 80 Gold Plus
• 140mm Corsair Fan (x3, two bottom intakes - one rear outtake)
• 2.5" SSD

Rest of components for those curious:

• AMD Ryzen 9 5950x 3.4 GHz
• Kingston HyperX Fury Black DDR4 3600MHz PC4-28800 64GB 4x16GB CL18
• x2 SSD NVME 500GB

I want to replace the case for this reasons:

1. The lights of the components upsets me. I can only deactivate the GPU ones but by launching their own software and I refuse to launch any software to keep something off. That should be the default for gods sake.
2. All of the sides are glass. At first glance this looked like attractive but its actually a magnet of dust and fingerprints, and its hard to clean without leaving scratches. The build came not pretty (I was not looking after it either) so there is no point of having a 360º view of a pile of shitty cable managment a weirdo-placed components, because in this case the motherboard is lying horizontally, parallel to the desk.
3. Is unneccesarily big. I think it was designed for custom builds like having two separate radiators for CPU and GPU, custom liquid cooling... Looks like half empty. If I could fill it with water I would use it as an aquarium.

What I want:

1. Reuse all components OFC, but I can sacrifice the fans (140mm to 120mm) if needed.
2. No glass in any side. Just neccesary vents.
3. Cheap mate metal panels that looks like black powdered painted (You know, that old stuff...) No shiny Piano black panels or whatever. I want to be able to clean the case with sandpaper without damaging it (Just kidding, but you got it)
4. Small as possible. I'm not planning on upgrading this PC in the future. By the time this PC became outdated for my use case, I won't be needing PC's at all anymore.
5. IMPORTANT: The only limitant factor in terms of size is the height, can not exceed 450 MM.

What do you have in mind? I am also in the search! But you master-racer nerdys made all of the manufacturers populate the market with showcases with more lights than Las Vegas. Fck you nerdys. Thanks in advance!
FUN FACT: All of the components that are still manufactured today (I built this like three years ago) have halved its price, except for the case, whose price has doubled. lmao.

In this edition of “Odd Titanica”, we are going to dive into the sleazy, opportunistic world of show business. A world that comedian Fred Allen said of, “you can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly, and still have room for three caraway seeds and a producer’s heart”. Hyperbolic? Let’s take a look at Hollywood’s response to the Titanic disaster to see that there really is no business like show business.
Dorothy Gibson and the lost, first, film are well worn trivia by now. The traumatized actress rushed into production, her inability to process her trauma causing her mental breakdown, collapse, and retirement from acting immediately after the film was finished - it’s a perfect story to demonstrate the callousness of the film industry. But there is more to the story, and digging deeper shows us that “Saved” may have been the least sleazy project undertaken by the studios.
Dorothy’s account of the sinking and the suffering she endured filming “Saved from the Titanic” are predominantly found in two sources - The New York Dramatic Mirror and Moving Picture World. These were trade magazines, published weekly, and consisting solely of material related to the stage and screen business. These would be announcements of upcoming features, casting news, celebrity gossip, technical news - anything the movie star to the man sweeping the floor at the cinema needed to know. And they included ads … lots and lots of ads.
Immediately realizing that Titanic was not only a horrible tragedy but an incredible business opportunity, Moving Picture World got to work. As people stormed White Star Line offices, and raided newspaper carts for any drop of news regarding the sinking, Moving Picture World provided the latest in Titanic news; or perhaps we should say “Titanic” news.
The headlines of the April 27th issue may have screamed TITANIC, but as the public grabbed their copy and hurriedly flipped through the pages, they found that what they were actually given was ads. Those eye grabbing headlines were followed by much smaller print-
TITANIC EFFORTS are being exerted by Champion to put before the exhibitors that will make them regular Champ Patrons! Get the following latest [releases] and you’ll be convinced!.
UNSINKABLE … is the reputation of Rep productions, but these two releases will sink into the minds of everyone who sees them and will remain there as worthy object lessons.
THE CRY OF THE CHILDREN …suggested by the poem of Elizabeth Barret Browning in 2 reels this Tuesday!
** THE GREATEST MOTION PICTURE OF NATIONAL INTEREST - THE SINKING OF**…. the big battleship. Remember the Maine!
THE DEATH SHIP...a sensational two reel drama of the sea containing one of the most thrilling dynamite explosions imaginable!
For all the slimy marketing tricks, flipping through the pages still has plenty of legitimate ads for real Titanic newsreels, movies, and a specific type of presentation known a Myriorama involving painting, music, and recitation. But, show business would strike again - the ads were legitimate, but what they were advertising was not.
History has sort of forgotten the huge demand for Titanic media in the wake of the sinking, something that didn’t really exist. When cinema owners would order these “only surviving genuine negatives of the disaster” complete with lobby display package, they instead received-

our astonishment to find the Lusitania and Olympic, and one or two scratch films of ancient days posing as pictures of Titanic.

But they didn’t stop. Animated Weekly advertised that they were “the first to reach the wreck… chartered a tug from Cape Breton and rushed to the scene while the survivors were still in the water”. Cinemas began to promote footage of the sinking. Audiences wrote their disgust to Moving Picture World-

These representations are to the point of criminality … Take, for instance, the picture showing the Titanic with about a sixth of her forward length stuck into the iceberg. Everybody knows the collision did not occur in that manner!

They pointed to the following ad as an example - FIRST PICTURES OF THE TITANIC OCEAN DISASTER. The cinema owners responded by noting that they had misread, crammed in tiny letters were the words “sunk in” so that ad actually read FIRST PICTURES OF THE TITANIC sunk in OCEAN DISASTER. It was the customers fault, they said, to be stupid enough to think anyone could have actually filmed the sinking.
Once this ruse was discovered, the studios shifted gears. The next step was to advertise film along with presentations by “A Lecturer who was on board”. When the audience realized the lecturer was not on Titanic and demanded a refund - the response from the managers was

Those signs didn’t say he was a survivor.

… and any attempt to charge him with the crime of fraud was absurd because, in his own words-

Of course I didn’t give him his money back. The sign didn’t misrepresent anything. West was on the Titanic, the sign didn’t say when he was.

…which was true. The lecturer, Eugene West, had visited Titanic while she was under construction at Belfast.
As for the movies themselves?

We said we had pictures. If people were foolish enough to think we meant moving pictures, that was their fault.

This particular cheated audience member was told if he wanted his money back, to go on the street and sing for it. Whether it was this, or something else, eventually the public snapped and began hauling out cinema managers and beating them in the streets. By May, the mayors of Boston and Memphis had banned the showing of any Titanic pictures - moving or still- within the city.
But, where was Dorothy in all this? Tucked in the very back of the magazine, after another newsreel ad,, we get to the celebrity sighting and gossip section. Ed Lux of the Rex Film Exchange was in town, Dan Markowitz of Fox Pictures was as well, Arthur Schmidt of the Victor Film Company was seen having a lovely spa at a Turkish Bath, Sam Gobel of the St Louis Motion Picture Company has been walking up and down 42nd street, we don’t know if Southern film maker Henry Wasserman is still here but he might be, Dorothy Gibson survived the sinking of the Titanic, and the Director of Selig Pictures took some actresses to Santa Catalina for a swim and a photoshoot and they had a great time.
By the following edition, on May 2nd, Moving Picture World was also able to provide its readers with the first stills from “Saved from the Titanic” and a feature on Dorothy. Along with this, tucked in the editorials, the magazine finally published a piece of truthful news about the Titanic disaster-

Senator William Alden Smith … declined to grant permission to have the cinematopgraph make a record of the sessions of the committee. “The sessions” he is quoted as saying…”are solemn affairs and must not be hippodromed or commercialized”. He is, however, falling into a serious error in judgement-

…they sniffed.

As a matter of right, the camera man ought to have been permitted. The day of the enfranchisement of the motion picture will surely come .. which will give equal rights to the cinematographer and the newspaper man.

Then, among the illegal false advertising and reports of public brawls at the cinema, they ended with-

The lesson of the Titanic disaster and all its incidents can be made far more impressive by pictures that move than by mere words in cold letters.

OK! WFH yesterday I was productive at least in the morning and most of afternoon. Today I have been productive for an hour at most. Why is that?
Seriously, there is a big difference.
Now yesterday I started the week knowing I needed to make headway on a project I can not see a way into starting. So I spent the day working on breaking down all my current tasks. There are a few that follow the same pattern of sub tasks with a few different extras.
Anyway, I broke down two then this morning, because yesterday I had the first two broken down and had it all worked out in my head, I broke down the other projects. At least as far as possible at this stage.
Then nothing! Literally I had nothing left to contribute. Like my mind had gone!
So what is this? Why not consistently, randomly unproductive? Why can I get my head working one day then not the next? I have never noticed this before but I think it is a common thing for me.
BTW I am someone who struggles if not interested or can't see a good way into the task. I can see the later stages but not the IN for the things I struggle with.
I also find that no matter how much I struggle on a task, I find that I reach a point or time where I get over the block. Especially if I get close to deadlines or failure or getting into trouble with a task.
I kind of give up on perfect and just bang something out. I then become very productive and focussed.
Deadlines focus me better than anything. It gives me the means to get over the steep hill start I struggle with and once over that hill I find it is almost downhill all the way to project end. And a satisfyingly good end to it too.
I am an undiagnosed ADHD but 49 out of 50 in screening prior to referral for one. Suspect combined. In this respect I probably have just about all the traits and issues.
I am intelligent, educated (2 degrees) and in a decentish job (£34k is ok right?). I am early 50s and only just got this decentish job.
Anyway, any advice or opinons on this gratefully received.
PS I have re-read this post and broke the paragraphs originally created into small, hopefully more punchy paragraphs. I hope this helps people reading and make it more likely that more people will reply / contribute. I try and learn and get better!!

I think my mom has Se, Ni, and Te.... however, two people on my previous post believed she was xSFJ (but didn’t elaborate why). What do you guys think? Please explain why you think yes or no.
NEED TO BE PRODUCTIVE + BUSY

• Absolutely cannot relax without doing something productive first, even on the weekends.
• Once told my cousin (who worked 5 days a week 7am-5pm) that she should look for part time shifts on the weekend since she has all that free time. I legit thought she was insane for believing that.
• I often don't tell my mom when I have an off day because otherwise she would expect me to still be productive otherwise.

NEED TO BE THE BEST VERSION OF HERSELF

• Always keeps an eye out on how she can self-improve and be better. Be it aesthetically, financially, lifestyle-wise, health-wise, etc. She especially pushes it on to me. This also includes education and career, always pushing me to aim for better positions and get more degrees.
• Her favorite topic is finances. Always wants to know how she can live comfortably now and later. But this also causes her lots of anxiety.

UNSOLICITED ADVICE IN STEAMROLL KIND OF WAY

• She's very quick to help give advice to someone, but it's often unsolicited and also quite forceful. Instead of suggesting it gently, her wording is more like "you should do this, then tell them that, you have to also do this or else it'll cause you trouble." She means well, I just don't think it's appreciated or welcome
• Also does not realize that her advice is unsolicited. Which is ironic because she expects emotional support and sometimes lashes out at me if I just give advice, yet she does the same and doesn't realize.
• Really reminds me of Leslie Knope from Parks and Rec for this trait.

DEFINITELY JUST KNOWS THINGS

• Showed my mom this korean tv show, Fantastic Duo, where several contestants perform together and the artist of the song picks one to sing a duet with. Within legit 5 seconds of it starting, my mom pointed to one contestant and said "seems like she'll get picked" and she was right. I was shocked. I showed her another clip and she also immediately pinpointed the right person.
• When I asked her how she knows, she said she always has been able to know things like this without explanation. According to her, it just comes to her suddenly.

SOMETIMES SEEMS UNSURE WHAT TO THINK

• My mom has strong opinions and beliefs, and often cannot be swayed. A little stubborn. BUT there are times where it seems like she doesn’t have a strong opinion (or one at all), and then if I express leaning one way she will strongly agree with me and take on that belief.
• Not out of insecurity or “just because”, but it feels like she was on the fence with no strong opinion and then once seeing points made that she isn’t against, she will strongly agree and believe in it.

VERY ANXIOUS ABOUT THE FUTURE

• This might be an excessive amount for a function, but she's constantly anxious and she very easily spirals. She'll be fine one moment, then if I bring something up, she'll immediately spiral and won't stop ruminating about it even though I said it's fine and not a big deal.
• Also constantly worries abut making the wrong decision. Even if she made the right decision, she'll sometimes be like "What if we chose the other decision?" The reasoning for this seems to be more that she's considering too many perspectives and cannot decide what the overall right choice is.
• My perspective of her anxiety is that nothing can get her out of the muck. If I give her objective reasoning, it only temporarily relieves it and I can see it. She'll firmly say "yes you're right" with relief, but you can tell she still only says it tentatively compared to her usual self.
• Continuously repeats topics and points over and over within one conversation. Or she'll say ABC, then we move on, then a short bit later we come back to the conversation and she'll repeat ABC even if I provided moral support and logical reasoning to try to relieve her thoughts. Her repetitive points on her pain points go nowhere and is also never solved.

FIERY, AMBITIOUS PERSON

• Always been hot-headed and fiery, both in temper and passion. She has this aggression in her to want to get things done. Very Type A kind of person.
• The kind of person to thrive off of negative feedback so she can be like "I'll fucking show you"
• Constantly comparing herself to others like "oh this person has good traits, I should be like that too" or "this person's trait is bad, I know now to not be like that."
• The kind of person to say "there are no stupid questions" but then you ask one and she'll say "use your fucking head, what a stupid question"

RARELY SEES HERSELF IN THE WRONG, BUT EVENTUALLY SELF-REFLECTS

• Self-explanatory, but she very rarely sees herself as wrong. She is stubborn and will hold steadfast to her opinions and beliefs in the moment. I don't think I've ever heard her apologize, and especially not admit she was wrong in the moment unless there's concrete proof.
• That said, if you give her time to brood about it, she'll come around and admit you have a point. She still won't apologize, but she'll say it in a "I get it, objectively it's right" kind of way.
• E.g., she got PISSED at me a couple years ago for not making a big deal on mother's day. Then some months later, she and I were talking and she said "I even told the friend that we have to be understanding of our own actions. I got mad at Gorgo about not celebrating mother's day once, but then I later realized I can't blame her. We never celebrate holidays and I don't do anything big for her birthday either, so why should I have expected her to celebrate mother's day?"
• It was like an indirect admittance through an irrelevant conversation she had, something she never brought up with me.

CARES TOO MUCH WHAT OTHERS THINK

• Yes to what society thinks, but I mean this mostly with personal relationships. If she has to make a decision that benefits some people and not the others, she worries way too much how the unfavored people in the group will be impacted.
• One time we ordered custom clothing from a store, and we weren't very happy with the end result. The tip amount was up to us, so I stood firm on a certain amount. My mom objectively sided with me, but emotionally wondered if we should give more because even though the result wasn't good, the store owner still went through all that trouble.
• I feel like this goes hand in hand with her anxiety.

USED TO BE SPONTANEOUS AS HELL WHEN YOUNGER

• My mom has all these wild stories of her when she was younger. She'd be traveling across the country with her friends by train, then randomly she'd get off at a stop and be like "okay I'll see you guys back at home! I actually wanna get off here" shocking her friends. And this was pre-cell phone times too. My mom today cannot fathom how she never got kidnapped or something.
• Once, she got tuberculosis and had to be hospitalized for some days. Once she was discharged, she went straight to the salon, got her hair done, and went to the club to dance lol
• Definitely was the leader of her friend group and everyone always relied on her for fun and plans
• She no longer is like this. Could be due to growing up, could also be due to the after effects of depression she had a few years ago. More of a homebody now.

KEEN EYE FOR AESTHETICS

• I've always believed that if my mom led her ideal life, she'd be an interior designer. She has an eye for things, and I don't know how to describe it.
• One time, we were figuring out what to do with this blank spot in my room. We fiddled around for a bit, then she had an idea, went downstairs, hauled up the large ottoman we had and placed it there. Looked great immediately and has been there ever since!
• I don't remember this, but she has told me how everyone would compliment the outfits she'd pick out for me, or the younger girls at work would compliment my mom on her outfits. And genuine compliments, not fake ones, as she says.

MISC.

• Not into fantasy/sci-fi. You will never catch her watching that genre. She likes political movies, action, based on true stories, spicy romance.
• Not into deep talk. Very much talks about strictly relationships/people, productivity/how to be your best self either internally or externally, etc.
• Very spiritual and religious (buddhism).

Will answer any questions you may have. Thank you!!

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I apologize in advance for the long emotional unload, I just really need to voice where my head is at and put this down somewhere beyond a journal.
I absolutely adore my wife, she's truthfully the most incredible, passionate, creative and unique person I've ever met and on both good and bad days have never pictured a future that didn't include her in it. I'd walk through fire for her, and she's the person I want to navigate life with more than anything. When I think about the best moments of my life, many of them are tied to her - our first date, our second "first date", our engagement, our wedding, welcoming our child into the world and the list could go on. I had hoped to add so many more to this list.
But sadly, I've been separated from my wife for almost two months and it's quite literally been the hardest days of my life. In December I had a car accident on a particularly icy day and after went on anti-depressants in the months that followed (unrelated) but none of this matched what was to follow. Two months ago, she told me that despite being a loving, and attentive husband and partner we weren't right for each other and she wanted to separate to figure out what she wanted. I knew that we had some ups and downs like any relationship (as every relationship does), but truthfully I was blindsided, I never expected we'd get to this point because I genuinely would never give up on us (an never have even in hardships). I truly feel like when all was said and done, I've been a good husband, partner and father, standing by her in her most difficult moments and weathering the good and bad together. I know there's no one else in the picture, but I have such a hard time figuring out where and why things went wrong.
In a short span of time, I went from being home with my kids and the woman I love more than anything to being a ghost in the spare bedroom of my parents house trying to pick myself up. I started therapy, increased antidepressants, dieting and hiking, weekly check-ins with my family doctor and trying my best to just put one foot in front of the other. On a positive note, I've dropped 25 pounds (I wish I could've found an easier way to do it).
The situation feels so unfair, in a short span of time my entire life has changed and it's completely out of my control. I won't throw blame at her - she's not being vindictive, and I'd never want to try to guilt her into reconciliation. It's taken a lot to hold back on messages, calls and a desire to see her.
Last week, I truly felt like I was starting to get my feet back under me - it seemed like there was some hope that we were coming closer together, she was reaching out to me with things beyond just being about the kids. Then there was a shift, she unloaded on me about not being present enough and things are worse than ever it seems. I haven't been perfect, but I've been trying so hard to keep moving despite everything and had been told by others in my life that they though I was carrying myself well. She asked for low contact, and I though I was giving her what she wanted. When I told her I was trying and that I acknowledged that I could do more, she told me that she didn't want to reconcile and that we were done.
My son shared with me (unprompted) that his mom now figured I'm angry at her, but it couldn't be further from the truth; regardless of the hurt now or before, I've never really been angry with her. She's a passionate, fiery person who sometimes says something in the moment and regrets it after but often won't admit to that. I'm now having sleepless nights again wondering, hoping, that this is another of those moments. I don't know how to broach a conversation with her now, it feels like we're further apart than ever.
It would be so much easier if I was angry at her - heck, I want to hate her but I can't. She's my favorite person despite everything, my closest confident and the mother of my kids. I really want nothing more to tell her that I love her and miss her - that I want to fight like hell to make things work but I know that I shouldn't (or at least that's the unsolicited advice I've been given by many close to me).
Now today, I find out that my grandmother is not doing well and it could be something she doesn't come back from and I'm finding myself spiraling further and further. I want to reach out so badly to my wife, she's been my person (and I felt like I've been hers). I have family and friends but it just isn't the same. I just want my wife, my family, my home - I feel so broken.

Okay I'm doing a rewatch after watching as a teen when the O.C. originally aired. So, now that I'm 40 I'm realizing how completely absurd and irritating Marissa was. You would've thought that after Oliver and Trey she would've stopped trying to "be there" for random men other than Ryan. BUT THEN, Johnny comes along. Did the writers really feel it was imperative to make her the most naive and annoying character of all time? I just one time wanted to see her put Ryan first. The only time she truly wanted him was when Teresa came into the picture. I'm on season 3 rewatch and I'm at the point I'd like to shoot my t.v. All of the characters had annoying points, but whyyyyy Marissa whyyyy.

I’m gonna get straight to the point with this, my older brother sexually abused me when I was 11 for a few months. At the time I didn’t realize it was that bad, he told me it wasn’t, that it was normal and not to tell mom. Only recently, a couple months ago (I’m 17 now) I’ve realized it was not. I was building up courage to tell my mom about this, since I had told my best friend first and she reacted how someone normal would, worried for me, hating my brother. Then came the day where I did tell my mom, in a McDonald’s parking lot eating McDonald’s, originally I was going to wait until we got to her boyfriend’s but she kept telling me to say whatever I needed to say so I did. At first she told me it wasn’t my fault, I was crying still and then she told me we were going to get my older brother. I didn’t want to see him but she drove us home and picked him up. I was scared.
She confronted him and then when he started crying she told him it wasn’t his fault. She told HIM that NOBODY HAS TO KNOW, that his life doesn’t have to change, that his girlfriend doesn’t have to break up with him. He offered to sell his bikes, to pay me saying he was sorry and he felt horrible this whole time, that he knew this day would come and he felt like he was walking on eggshells. He knew it was wrong, he knew it was abuse and he would have kept that secret to his grave have I not told my mom. He made himself a victim, crying in the car.
She didn’t even yell at him.
And now I don’t know what to do, I feel numb and sad and angry. I don’t know how to react, she’s acting like nothing is wrong. She isn’t acknowledging anything, I don’t exactly know what I wanted her to do but I wanted her to do something, anything. maybe punish him? I’m really struggling with going to school, my mental health and I feel so low. I want to scream at her, I want to scream and yell at her that she should understand me best of all, she after all faced similar abuse as a kid. She got to tell others. I want to leave her and never look back but I can’t, I care for her and I hate it, I want to hate her so badly but I just end up crying and I truthfully don’t know what to do, if I tell anyone else and get her son punished she’ll be so disappointed, angry and sad, she’ll be angry at me and I’ll likely ruin whatever we have, I’ll ruin my brother’s spot in the family.
The truth is I don’t know what to do, does anyone have advice? Sorry for the big vent.

Greetings, Helldivers.
Today I want to talk about difficulty - not the number you set at the bottom of the mission selection screen, but how actually difficult beating a mission IS. I'm going to argue that whenever a 'campaign' becomes frustrated, it is due to extreme RNG rolls and bugs.
First, a list of the elements and issues I want to highlight:

• Ragdolls

Touching an enemy's corpse after it's death is a recipe for disaster. Dead tanks can randomly damage you, dead shriekers can crush you, dead Bile Titans can outright kill you on their own if you try to climb over them. Enemies can clip through them just fine, but these corpses can be so dangerous that they can essentially close off a route on their own. Dying to a ragdoll and having your geasamples stuck under it can stall a helldiver for a considerable amount of time.

• Terrain

On some planets, the enemies have zero qualms about glitching their way up mountains like they're playing Skyrim. A tank on a plain field is a regular enemy; a tank on top of a mountain is a deadly threat with no easily accessible weak-spot and high ground advantage. Bugs are known to clip their way up hills to get to you, and don't get me started on gatling devastators blasting you from inside destroyed dropships or the rock they clipped into, becoming invulnerable on top of that. THere's even a particular bot map where enemies will walk over a 20ft wall as they make their way to attack the extraction point. Bugs like this can absolutely swing a fight and break the helldivers' momentum.

• Vision

Enemies are mostly unhindered by long distances, smoke, and fog. Helldivers are absolutely not. This is most felt against automatons, who abuse the hell out of low visibility by perfectly tracking helldivers through foliage, fire tornadoes, ambient mist, and distances long enough that they should look like 4 pixels to them. This makes planets with those elements disproportionately hard.

• Inconsistent Damage

Hunter, o hunter, how I hate you. The damage your leaps do might as well be a die roll. You're not the only culprit, though - automaton rockets seem to enjoy alternating between 1-shotting the helldivers or dealing a miniscule amount of damage. I'm aware that there is supposed to be 'directional armor' hitboxes and that the bugs are probably 'headshotting' the helldivers, but such systems need to be VERY tight and consistent, which is not the case. Fair or not, unpredictable damage leads to frustration, and frustration... is bad.

• Hazards

It cannot be said often enough, but fire tornadoes are an actual hate crime. They can disrupt the helldivers' ability to complete objectives for entire minutes, camping their dropped gear or completely walling off entire routes. The ultimate version of this is in civilian escort missions, where not only they can completely prevent you from progressing the objective but helldivers get a requisition penalties for the deaths of civilians that run into pillar of fire.
I already mentioned this but, some planets are so foggy that that in of itself is a hazard. An honorable mention goes to meteor showers which clear objectives on their own; it's amusing and I'm sure most people smirk at it, but technically that makes things easier than they should be with no input from the player.

• Army Composition Seeds

You load up your Recoiless Rifle and your Railcannon Strike, but suddenly the bots throw two hundred tin men with chainsaws at you. Later, you call down a Machine Gun only to be completely overwhelmed by Chargers and Bile Titans.
Enemy compositions are a big part of the game, and they are NOT created equally. There are enemies in this game that are simply far more dangerous than their peers, and campaigns abundant with their presence are much harder.
This COULD be mitigated by having a VAGUE description of the expected 'weight class' of enemies, call it a satellite scan or something. Knowing that you'll be facing more (or less) of certain enemies without having to go in blind on the first mission of a campaign would save some frustration.

• Stacked Hostile Secondary Objectives

Much like army compositions, secondary objectives are NOT made equal and an enemy artillery near the extract or a jammer near the main objective will be FAR more disruptive than the shrieker nest on the far end of the map.
Now, full disclosure, I actually like when they get in the way a bit. There's something very 'action movie'-like about entering extract and realizing you're about to get shelled and having to deal with that ASAP. THAT SAID, I still think it's a matter worth looking into. To get the most jarring example, Airship Factories can single-handedly end a mission if not dealt with and sometimes they spawn in extremely difficult-to-assault places, near objectives and whatnot, while sometimes they're isolated and begging to die. SOME disruption is great, EXTREME disruption or ZERO disruption is frustrating/not interesting. I figure this wouldn't require much beyond a bit of manually pruning certain bad spawn places.
CONCLUSION:
'Just turn down difficulty' is not a valid argument when so much grievance can be caused by bugs and issues with hitboxes and mechanics alone. These elements I mentioned can cause difficulty spikes that the player did not sign up for and absolutely can induce frustration. I would really love AH to give these elements a close look sooner rather than later, because nowadays when things go to shit on my mission it almost always involve one of those elements.

I’m having such a hard time today, your the only person I want to talk to, your my best friend. But what do you do if your best friend is the one causing your hurt and heart ach? What do you do if your starting to come to terms with the fact that your not enough or your not what’s best for him? What do you do if you want to badly to be the person he deserves? I want to be outgoing and adventurous, I want to be able to say yeah let’s book a trip and go hiking some random mountain exploring some small village let’s do it! But what do you do if he doesn’t even want to try? He doesn’t want to travel with you, he doesn’t want to give you a chance. He’s given up on you. He has more fun with random strangers than with you, the person who’s been there by his side for 6 years. What do you do if you’re the one causing the person you love the most pain? If your the reason for the stress lines on his face that never used to be there, the dead look in his eyes when he looks at you. How do you come back from that, can you come back from that? Does he even want to try? He wants “no pressure” but how do you go from planning your future to no longer sharing your love or talking about plans or doing things together besides work? How do you express your utmost desire to see him happy and just wish that your in that picture? How do you find the love that was once there when all he sees is work and pain and regret? What do you do if he never messages you anymore, doesn’t check in, ghosts you , says he’s busy enjoying himself but you know he responds to other people just not you. His “responsibility”. What do you do if all you want is to fight for you, to fight for those two kids that fell in love and were so happy, how do you get back to that point that was so long ago and get through all the burdens that have come to pass since. How do you get through resentment and get back to a place of love? How do you help someone find their love for you again? How did it get lost in the first place? How can you give up on something that is so important to you and made you so happy, loved, safe and inspired. How can you walk away on something that was once so good?

Have you ever felt upset because your partner texts other people in a flirty way when they're mad at you? It's a situation that can leave you feeling confused and hurt. Today, I would like to answer the question of what you need to do when your partner sends dirty texts to others because they’re mad at you. This situation arises when you mostly raise a concern about the relationship, but instead of resolving the matter, they get mad and sext someone else. Of course, you will feel bad about it, and when you’re afraid of the relationship ending, you may end up apologizing for doing nothing.
Actually, the first thing you need to realize when you’re in this situation is that you’re not in a healthy relationship. This is because if someone goes to that extent of not wanting to solve the issues in the relationship, then there are only two options: either you end the relationship or you just stick with it but end up getting hurt.
Also, when your partner flirts with other people, and then you find yourself asking for feedback in forums, it simply means there’s a problem in the relationship and the problem can also solved by you being honest with yourself and the reality of the relationship. It's about going back to the basics—what are your boundaries? What are some of the things you cannot tolerate in a relationship?
When you don’t have a great relationship with yourself, or when you're neglecting yourself consciously or unconsciously, you tend to ignore the significant and clear red flags because you're afraid of what will happen if you acknowledge the truth about the toxicity of the relationship.
When your partner constantly avoids conflict or gets mad when you raise something, that is an avoidance of conflict, and you will end up getting hurt. You may want to keep the relationship and seek solutions, but often, the desire to maintain the relationship stems from fear of abandonment or being alone. When you're emotionally and physically dependent on someone else, you'll do whatever it takes to keep them because you're not accustomed to standing up for yourself. If your partner flirts instead of resolving issues, ask yourself why you're staying in that environment, or even question if they have the energy to flirt, then they should have the energy to address those issues.
Also, when someone avoids concerns and consistently engages in behaviors you dislike, it indicates that you, too, are avoiding the inevitable. You're sidestepping the reality that perhaps you're not standing up for yourself or that you're tolerating your partner's behaviors. This pattern is common in many relationships, especially unhealthy ones. Over time, you may become accustomed to tolerating hurtful behavior until it becomes normalized, and you're unsure how you reached that point. It often begins with seemingly minor issues.
Therefore, it's crucial to address problems in a relationship as soon as they arise. If you find yourself hesitant to raise concerns, recognize that it's about you. You may be grappling with deep-seated insecurities, such as fear of abandonment, rejection, or not pleasing others. Addressing these fears is key. Once you confront them, you'll realize that perhaps the relationship isn't right for you, or you may need to explore other options.
Note from the Author
If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

I remember the guy having to come home before night-time. He lived in an apartment or fire house within the city and he had to lock his doors and board them up before nightfall. I think he was the only person in the city/world (or at least the film makes it feel that way). I don't know if it's zombies or what that come out at night, I cant remember. At some point later in the movie he's in a department store and notices a mannequin and it turns out to be a woman pretending to be a mannequin to hide from whatever bad things are out there. I think that's not the first time he see's her. I think at the end of the movie, the very last scene, he rides off down a road surrounded by tall city buildings into the sunset... I think he's on a motorcycle or in a convertible?
Not the movie Mannequin... this is supposed to be a scary movie, I think it might be zombies? I think it's an 80's or 90's movie. Definitely made before 1999. I think I saw the movie in the late 90s. But I think the movie was made in the 80's.

Welcome to Reading The Big Book of Cyberpunk!
Each week we (u/FarragutCircle and u/fanny_bertram) will be reading 5-ish stories from Jared Shurin’s The Big Book of Cyberpunk, which includes a curated selection of cyberpunk stories written from 1950 to 2022! We’ll include synopses of the stories along with links to any legally available online versions we can find. Feel free to read along with us or just stop by and hear our thoughts about some cyberpunk stories to decide if any of them sound interesting to you.
Every once in a while, we reach out to people who have more insight, due to being fans of the author or have some additional context for the story. (Or we just tricked them into it.) So please welcome u/Kopratic who will be sharing their thoughts on "We Can Remember It For You Wholesale" by Philip K. Dick!
Section 4: Challenge
In our fourth and penultimate section, editor Jared Shurin highlights how cyberpunk looks at technology that creates harm when put into practice, and later cites Marshall McLuhan about artists as challengers. (Shurin really seems to like this McLuhan guy.) Amusingly there’s a footnote where he mentions litrpg in passing, though he says there’s no litrpg in this anthology)
“We Can Remember It For You Wholesale” by Philip K. Dick (published 1966; also available in his collection Selected Stories of Philip K. Dick)
Quail’s desire to go to Mars leads him to a memory-implant company so he can remember going to Mars, but complications and revelations and twists ensue, hilariously.

• Special Guest Kopratic: So this guy really wants to go to Mars, but it’s pretty dang expensive. Fortunately, what’s not as expensive is paying a company to trick him into thinking he’s been to Mars by implanting false memories into his mind. Unfortunately, things go wrong, and before he writes up a scathing Yelp review, he gets his money back, his wife leaving him, and his life falling apart.
• It’s a story I’ve read before. Not this exact, specific story, but the bones of it. Virtually visiting another time or place. It’s never real, but they tend to beg the question: Do memories create reality? Maybe this particular story was one that inspired, even if indirectly, the others. Maybe it’s a trope that had been used before, and the author was just putting his own spin on it like the ones that came after.
• I did like it. I thought that it was annoying how the secretary was described as being topless in practically every scene she was in. It went from, “Oh in this society that’s a normal thing, and body paint is a sort of fashion item” to “...we get it.” It was a minor part of the story at least.
• The twists were pretty good, too. There’s a moment where you start to question things alongside the protagonist. Maybe the false memories did work. He’s not supposed to know they’re fake, but he does. But he also has things that can’t possibly be explained by ways of “implanted memories.” Or maybe they can. Even until the very end, the story keeps you guessing. It did a good job of keeping the tension alive.
• In a sense, the story asks the question, “What is reality?” and fits in nicely as an entry into the realm of cyberpunk.
  
• Farragut’s thoughts: We’ve read Dick before in Science Fiction. Between that story and this, if I hadn’t read two of his novels already, I would’ve thought Dick was a comedic SF writer because of how funny I’ve found his short fiction so far. I vaguely recall (ha!) having seen the movie Total Recall, but I’m not sure PKD has ever had a faithful adaptation of his works. Anyway, this is just a fun story—not as wild as the film, but just a plain fun examination of memory and reality.
  
• fanny’s thoughts: The editor points out that each filming of Total Recall gets worse and this is correct. I had never read the story and I did like it despite it being a story I have seen before. Dick did a great job of making the reader doubt memories and the reality for the character. There are a lot of careful details throughout the short story that play with this concept and add to the general confusion of what is real. The story is not the most amazing thing, but it is very well done and a bit twisty.
  

“Speed” by Misha (1988)
I think that Speed is looking for Speelyi-427 on behalf of a computer AI called Juno 888, but after that I’m lost.

• Farragut: We’ve read Misha before in Science Fiction. She’s a very cyberpunky type author, but I’ll be darned if I understand half of what’s going on here. There’s data as currency, there’s an all powerful computer named Juno 888 (I think?), there’s a car chase with a barbed-wire tripwire at neck level (ouch), there’s indigenous ghost dancers, and I had a hell of a time connecting the dots. It didn’t help that for the first couple pages I didn’t realize Speed was the character’s name, which made the story even more abstract at first. I absolutely know there’s someone out there who loves the crap out of experimental/transcendental stuff like this, but it wasn’t me.
  
• fanny: I was beyond confused reading this one. For half the story I thought the character was the computer, 888, but then I realized it was Speed. I am not sure that helped though. I feel like this was too experimental for me and it just missed the mark. The good part of this was the trading in data and the trying to steal data, which was an interesting technology application.
  

“Computer Friendly” by Eileen Gunn (1989; also available in her collection Stable Strategies and Others)
Elizabeth and other kids are tested, and while she passes with flying covers, her new friends might lose their lives unless she can figure out a way to help them in a world where the heavily computerized future uses real brains from people and dogs.

• Farragut: Gunn is an oft-nominated writer (including for this story), but ended up winning the 2005 Nebula for “Coming to Terms”. I really loved this bizarre future (she’ll play computer fetch with her dog when he has downtime from managing data traffic), and Elizabeth is an adorable character to follow as she navigates the shocking new revelations about her world. The help she gets from some of the obscure entities on the network is perfect, especially when they realize that their current world is a little too predictable these days. Highly recommended, especially for Elizabeth’s “hacking” methods.
  
• fanny: I loved this story and following Elizabeth through it all. Elizabeth is a fierce, determined little girl who doesn't want anything bad to happen to her friends. She goes to extremes for this and gets help from the weirdest sources within the network system. The net system, entities, and the world are so well thought out and carefully crafted. It felt fully realized which is unusual for me to find in a short story. Absolute loved this one.
  

“I Was a Teenage Genetic Engineer” by Nisi Shawl (1989)
The narrator is imprisoned for her reckless genetic engineering, making new incarnations of old gods.

• Farragut: Shawl is a multiple-award-winning author and has done a lot of work on promoting diversity in SF/F. A very short story (under a thousand words), it’s also got a very mythic and poetic tone to it, like a confession as a parable. Very evocative, with lots of classical allusions.
  
• fanny: Such a short story and such a unique concept. I liked that the main character made the entire Pantheon and unleashed the Greek gods back on the world. I found the description of creating Psyche the best part. This story is a bit experimental, but worked for me.
  

“The Gene Drain” by Lewis Shiner (1989)
A generation ship ends up right back on Earth, with disturbing and amusing differences between the two groups.

• Farragut: Shiner was a member of the Turkey City Writer’s Workshop which is considered a “cradle of cyberpunk”. This story was quite amusing, and you can see the differences between the overly-technological humans on Earth and the extremely weird worshippers of Johnny Carson. The author does a great job of encapsulating all the changes since the ship left in little throwaway lines, and the ending was both disturbing and funny.
  
• fanny: I found the whole premise quite ridiculous, but a nice way to show how too much technology can change society. The worshippers of Johnny Carson return to earth and manage to get a leader who has a bad experience with tech. The extremes he is willing to go to is both realistic and slightly disturbing. The ending is amusing, but it is serious too. I like how Shiner balanced absurdity with real society challenges. But also cult of Carson.
  

That’s it for this week! Check back the same time next week where we’ll be reading and discussing "Deep Eddy" by Bruce Sterling, "The Yuletide Cyberpunk Yarn, or Christmas_Eve-117.DIR" by Victor Pelevin, "Wonderama" by Bef, "comp.basilisk FAQ" by David Langford, and "Spider's Nest" by Myra Çakan.
Also posted on Bochord Online.

Trial Day 11
Katherine Jackson, Rebbie and Trent are at court.
Choreographer Travis Payne & Katherine Jackson spoke briefly in the courtroom before the jury came in. They seemed cordial
Travis Payne Testimony
AEG direct
Payne is wearing a black jacket with a gold emblem on the shoulders with the word "MJ" & a pair of wings
Payne said he was concerned about MJ missing rehearsals. He didn't know why he wasn't showing up, but MJ was also working on an album and a book
Payne said he did not think that Jackson had a problem abusing prescription medications. He acknowledged that Jackson missed rehearsals and he saw the singer shivering or appearing cold in some of his final rehearsals
He worked with Jackson beginning in the 1990's and testified that he never saw Jackson drink alcohol or take any medications. Michael also never discussed his medical treatments, Payne said
Payne told the jury he advised MJ he was looking thin.

"Michael said he was 'getting down to my fighting weight', which I took to mean that he was preparing for the performances", Payne testified. "I had no reason to doubt him"

Payne says he was satisfied with the response.
Payne said there was one day (6/19) when MJ was cold. He thought the frustration had him on edge. When Jackson needed to be layered in blankets and required a heater to be comfortable, Payne said, he believed Michael was merely fighting a cold.

"No one else was cold. He had flu-like symptoms"
"Sometimes he was tired and lethargic and had to be, not convinced, but supported throughout rehearsals," Payne recalled

Payne said that in April, May & June, MJ missed 5 rehearsals with the whole group. He said one time Ortega sent Michael home
Bina shows an email from Ortega to Gongaware on Jun 14:

"Were you aware that Michael's doctor didn't permit him to attend rehearsal yesterday? Without invading his privacy, it might be a good idea to talk to his doctor to make sure everything he requires is in place. Who is responsible for Michael getting proper nourishment/vitamins/therapy every day? Personally, I feel he should have a top Nutritionist and Physical Therapist working with him on a regular basis. The demand on this guy is mentally and physically extraordinary! The show requirements exhaust our 20 year olds. Please don't underestimate the need to stay on top of this"

Another part of the same email chain, from Gongaware:

"Frank and I have discussed it already and have requested a face-to-face meeting w/ the doctor... We want to remind him that it's AEG not Michael Jackson who's paying his salary We want him to understand what is expected of him. He has been dodging Frank so far

Payne said his understanding was that AEG was paying Dr. Murray's salary not Michael. The doctor was there to oversee many things, Payne said. Payne explained he didn't have much reason to question Dr. Murray since he thought that a doctor selected to work with Michael was top notch.
Bina asked Payne whether he ever met Conrad Murray. The choreographer says he met Murray twice. Payne says the first time he met Dr. Murray was at the Carolwood house.

"I was going up the steps, Dr. Murray going downstairs, Michael introduced us."

Payne was coming up from the basement to the middle floor. Studio was at the basement. Payne said he never went to the top floor of the house. He says the second time was at the Staples Center, after a rehearsal and Jackson was leaving for the day. Both meetings were brief.
When asked how Michael performed on June 23 & 24:

"He was having his process, I didn't expect him to be like he would in front of a crowd," Payne explained. "He was not at show standards ... I didn't expect him to be as he would be in front of a crowd."
Payne: "It ebbed and flowed. Some days were good, some days were not as good."

The last two days were good.

"I thought he was in his way to the goals he set himself," Payne told the jury.

He didn't have any question that MJ would be able to perform , adding that he and others were impressed while watching Jackson rehearse at Staples Center on June 23/24, 2009.
Payne described the day MJ died: He was headed to rehearsal at Michael's home, got a call from his mother who said she saw reports on the news. Payne heard news on the radio, called Staples Center spoke to Stacy Walker, she said they were rehearsing. He was told to go to Staples.

"We were optimistic of his arrival," Payne said explaining they were expecting Michael to rehearse at the Staples Center.

Payne said Ortega got a series of calls. He remembers Kenny saying:

'tell me something that will make me know it's you and that this is true'

​

" I remember him (Kenny Ortega) collapsing in his seat and crying," Payne testified

Payne said he never saw Michael drink alcohol or take medication but

"Sometimes, in rehearsal, Michael would appear just a little loopy, under the influence of something, but mostly when he would come to the rehearsals from the dermatologist," Payne testified.

That happened two to four times in the weeks before his death, he said. Payne told that he didn't think Jackson had a problem with prescription drugs

"Michael was undergoing personal cosmetic procedures, so he could feel great and do a good job," Payne said.

Payne also said he appeared groggy in the morning sometimes, which he attributed to lack of sleep

"Mr. Jackson just explained to me that he had trouble sleeping, that he was tired, and that satisfied me," Payne testified.

He stated that he's not sure how much weight MJ had lost
Payne mentioned one day in particular at a meeting with Andre Crouch and singers, MJ seemed a little out of it
Payne said at one point, he & others tried to bring in a top physical therapist who works with Olympic athletes to help Michael. Jackson didn't work w/physical therapist flown in for him.

"At the last minute we realized that Michael was not going to go through with it. He was just not comfortable with the invasion of personal space."

Bina played a clip of This Is It from Jun 4 showing the green screen and making of "Drill" and Michael talking about the cool moves, dancing. Payne said the idea was to show the rehearsals and how things came together. The footage itself wasn't altered, but there was editing. Payne said they picked the best of the rehearsal to include in the documentary. He wanted to reshoot some scenes but was not allowed. Payne, who was an associate producer on the This Is It documentary, said the footage of Jackson had not been retouched or altered.
Jackson cross
Attorney Brian Panish cross examined Payne. He asked if Michael ever performed the entire show from beginning to end. Payne said "No"

"Was he ready to perform for an audience?", Panish asked.
"I thought he was on his way to the goals he had set for himself," Payne answered. "All I saw was improvement and getting closer to the goals"

Payne's impression was that MJ loved being a father. He said he saw the beauty of their relationships, loyalty to one another.

"When we rehearsed, we had meals together," Payne recalled, talking about Michael and all three children.

Payne thought the relationship between MJ and Prince was awesome, Michael was a proud father, great to see how they interacted. Prince wanted to be a director, Michael would point out things to him during rehearsal should that be his career, Payne remembered.
As to Paris Jackson, Payne said he saw a very protective young lady, smart, astute, with knowledge of the production, very hands on. Paris, who was 11 at the time, was

"a very retentive young lady who was very, very smart, very astute," Payne testified. "She had full knowledge of the day-to-day operations, from the time of lunch and what it was going to be, she was hands on -- far beyond her age," he said. "She had a lot of responsibility, which I think she welcomed"

Payne said she was "the female of the house," and also "a daddy's girl."

"She really loved her father," he said. "At that time, she was coming to find out his global successes and presence, so she would wear her Michael Jackson t-shirt, headband and bag," he said.

It was Paris who would bless the food when they were have lunch with their father at home, he said.

"She was always the most vocal of the three children and was very concerned about many of the details of the house, was the temperature correct, what do you want to eat," Payne testified. "She just handled a lot for her young age"

Blanket, who was 7 when his father died, was the most quiet of the three. He liked to watch his father rehearsing his dances with Payne in the basement studio of their home, Payne said.

"He was quiet, but always right there with his dad," he said.

Michael guided and mentored him. Payne said he would be proud if MJ was his father and agreed the children suffered a tremendous loss. When rehearsing with Jackson at his Holmby Hills residence, Payne said the singer clearly delighted in being a father and shared meals with all three

"I saw the beauty of their relationships. I saw their loyalty to their father, I saw his loyalty to them. Their father enlightened them and taught them", he testified. "I was very proud to see Michael as such a loving father."
Panish: "Was Paris a Daddy's girl?"
Payne: "Yes, I believe so"

His description of the close relationship Paris (15) and Prince (16) had with their father four years ago could foreshadow the significance of the children's testimony later in the trial.
Payne always carries a video camera with him and shot videos of rehearsal. AEG took the footage that Payne shot and never returned to him. Email from Randy to Paul:

"Make sure you take out the shots of Michael in that red jacket... He looks way too thin and skeletal."

Payne said he was not aware of the email. He said Michael looked thin, but not skeletal. He doesn't know if Paul/Randy took any the footage out. The email was not displayed for the jury
As for Michael's relationship with Katherine, Payne said

"there's no secret that he loved his mother very much. It is kind of common knowledge"

​

"Karen Faye is a make up artist. She designed the make up, was always there when Michael was there", Payne testified.

Payne said Faye and MJ had a long term working relationship. They spent a lot of personal time together. Faye was concerned and frustrated with how Michael looked. She went to Payne kind of in an aggressive way. Payne told her to report to Ortega.
Payne said he wanted MJ to have a physical therapist, nutritionist, massage therapist, and have his family around. He said this was a different scenario.

"This was the first time MJ was working with AEG," Payne testified, saying he had always been hired by MJJ production before.

Payne said this was the first time Michael was not the sole producer of the show. Payne started working without a signed contract. He was being paid by AEG. Panish showed Payne's written contract. It is between Payne and AEG, beginning April 1, 2009. The contract said only AEG could cancel it. He testified that there was a delay in his contract with AEG because the salary was not in line with his standard charges, but that things worked out after he had a conversation with Jackson. Payne also said he believed AEG was paying Murray's salary, not Jackson
Payne was hired and paid by AEG. His contract was with AEG.

Panish: "Who could fire you. AEG?"
Payne: "I'm sure"

Things became heated when Panish inquired about a text message Karen Faye sent to Payne that accused him of lying to the media after Michael's death. He said earlier Faye had approached him in an "aggressive" way about her concern for Jackson's health but he told her to take her concerns to Ortega.

"I do not remember receiving a text message from Karen Faye asking why I was lying to the media," Payne explained.
Panish: "Were you upset when MJ died?"
Payne: "Yes"

During cross-examination, Payne was shown several photos of premieres for the This Is It documentary .Panish shows a picture of Payne at the red carpet premiere. He agreed he was happy about the premiere. In one, Ortega & AEG executive Randy Phillips flank Jackson's manager, Frank DiLeo, who has a cigar hanging out of his mouth. All three are grinning. Brian Panish, the attorney for Jackson's family, remarked that everyone looked pretty happy
Payne said he wasn't privy to details of what was expected of Dr. Murray. AEG was producepromoter, but MJ was the star, had to be happy
Panish reminded Payne that he had testified in his deposition that AEG was

"trying to protect its investment"

​

"I don't have a dog in this race so I'm not on either side", an aggravated Payne countered adding that he felt Panish was being aggressive. "I'm just saying I don't want to be painted as somebody who's trying to mask anything".

After several hours of testy exchanges with Panish, his voice quivered and he dabbed his eyes with a tissue.

"I'm just trying to have a conversation with you and tell the truth."

Panish asked Payne if defendants' attorney approached him during lunch to show him some documents. He said yes, he saw parts of his deposition
Under cross examination, Payne acknowledged that some of Jackson's behavior, including grogginess, lethargy, insomnia and occasional paranoia, were possible symptoms of prescription drug abuse. He also said that despite testifying earlier that he worked with Jackson one-on-one five days a week, he couldn't recall how many rehearsals the singer actually attended
Panish after lunch break got Travis Payne to concede Jackson wasn't present for a May 19, 2009 rehearsal. Payne also conceded that Jackson was a no-show for a June 22, 2009 rehearsal. Panish confronted Payne saying that yesterday he said he was with MJ at a dance studio on May 19, that they were up on their feet & danced.

Panish: "Sir, Michael was not with you May 19, 2009, was he?"
Payne: "No"
Panish: "He was at the doctor"
Payne: "If you're saying, I'm not disputing"

Panish said that on May 19, Michael was having a cyst removed at Dr. Klein's office, so he could not have been rehearsing with Payne.
Panish then said on Jun 22 MJ wasn't there either, "was he?"
Payne said he didn't know.
Panish said MJ was at another doctor's office
Payne said he may have made a mistake about Jackson's whereabouts & he didn't know his personal schedule. Travis Payne had testified yesterday that he and Jackson ran through certain songs on May 19th. He said today he was testifying based on the schedule and notes he compiled and that his recollection might be wrong

"We're human, sometimes we make mistakes," Payne explained, saying he's not disputing that Michael was or wasn't there on those dates.

Payne said there was always something for Michael to do.

"He needed to come to rehearsal, it was part of the job"

Payne said Michael had a hard time picking up some of the material. He was having trouble learning dances, Payne says. Email from Ortega to Gongaware:

"He has been slow at grabbing hold of the work"

Jackson was having trouble learning dances, choreographer Travis Payne says

"Prior to June, I noticed Mr. Jackson was thinner than I recognized him," Payne said, noting he never saw sudden weight change in MJ.

Second time Payne saw Dr. Murray was the night before Michael died at Staples Center.

"I wanted Michael to go home and go to sleep" Payne recalls. Payne said something about Murray felt off, Payne said. "He didn't feel like an official doctor"

Payne knew MJ had sleeping problems and that Dr. Murray was treating him for that. Ortega also knew; Payne thought Gongaware was aware too. Payne also said he and Ortega knew that Jackson was having sleep problems. Attorney Brian Panish asks if AEG executives knew. There were several objections, and Payne was only allowed to answer "No" as to whether Paul Gongaware knew about Michael's sleep problems
Panish asked Payne about choosing Jackson's dancers for This Is It. Payne says they were whittled down from 5,000 applicants. Applicants submitted video clips and their submissions were used to cull down potential dancers from there. Payne said they received 5,000 applications for dancers, about 2,500 showed up for the audition.He taught them some dance moves, and the pool was further narrowed down. Michael chose the dancers
Panish then asked Payne whether he knew how many doctors AEG interviewed to work with Jackson on This Is It. "No", Payne says. Payne also says he isn't aware how much interviewing or investigation into Murray that AEG did.(Panish's point appears to be that there was more scrutiny of backup dancers than Conrad Murray)
During preparations for This Is It, Michael at times seemed "under the influence of something" and once couldn't take the stage because he appeared incoherent, Payne testified.
Payne said he was aware that Jackson had problems sleeping and chalked up the singer's sometimes erratic behavior to sleep aids or sedatives from his dermatologist visits.

"You have to understand that one always says hindsight is 20/20. In the moment I had no inkling of what, ultimately, what was revealed until Mr. Jackson's passing", he said

Payne saw Michael tired and fatigued. He agreed that those symptoms could be signs of drug addiction. Payne was aware that MJ was losing weight during rehearsals and he had not seeing him lose weight like that before.

"He was not in great physical shape and was sore,working up his stamina. Lack of sleep and proper nourishment were starting to show", Payne said.

Payne says at one point, he told Kenny Ortega that Jackson appeared "assisted" (meaning that he thought he was on drugs\meds)
Payne said some people were concerned about the goals not being met, including Randy Phillips and Paul Gongaware. Payne learned what Demerol was after MJ died. He also remembers a mention of Demerol in the song "Morphine".
Panish asked if MJ knew the lyrics of his songs.

"I think he did, he knew most of them, but he wanted to have a Teleprompter for safety.He didn't want to make any mistakes, to refresh his memory. Also to use for sequence of songs",Payne said.

Payne agreed that it was very unusual for Michael to have a Teleprompter with the lyrics of his own songs. He never used it before. Payne didn't specify which songs Jackson wanted the teleprompter for
Payne said a body double was requested for Michael. Misha Gabriel was his body double, but shorter than him. Some of the scenes in the documentary are with the body double, Payne testified. Payne remembers at the Culver Studios in Smooth Criminal there was a stunt and Misha was asked to jump through a glass plate
Payne said most the time, MJ was present at rehearsals. "It wasn't a big deal," he expressed
Panish showed an email from the band leader Michael Bearden:

"Michael is not in shape enough yet to sing this stuff live and dance at the same time. He can use the ballads to sing live and get his stamina back up, Once he's healthy enough and has more strength I Have full confidence he can sing the majority of the show live. His voice sounds amazing right now, he needs to build it back up. I still need all big dance numbers to be in the system so we can concentrate on choreography."

Payne was aware that AEG was considering in mid June pulling the plug on the show. He said Michael looked exhausted & paranoid on Jun 19. Jackson's condition and missed rehearsals led to talk within the last 10 days of Jackson's life that AEG Live LLC, which was promoting "This Is It," might cancel the concert series.

"It was 'We've got to get this together or the plug may be pulled,'" Payne says

Payne was working for AEG and said he relayed his concerns about Jackson's possible prescription drug use and that he was exhibiting troubling signs of insomnia, weight loss and paranoia in his final days to tour director Kenny Ortega. Jackson was struggling to get into shape for the shows, and Payne said his voice coach suggested using a voice track for fast-paced songs until the singer's stamina improved.
Payne went to Michael's house on June 20. He was cold and had to light the fireplace and rub his hand and feet to warm himself up
Panish showed a picture of Michael on June 24 rehearsing "Thriller"; Payne said MJ improved but was not at his best yet.

Panish: "Around June 20, was Ortega in the mindset that Michael Jackson was not ready for this?" Payne: "Yes"

Payne said Michael was not ready, it was not the Michael he knew. He died four days later. But he didn't see anything that alarmed him on June 23/24

Panish:" Did you see that Michael was getting pressured to get everything done in the last days?" Payne: "Yes"

Payne said he could sense something was wrong, but didn't know what it was. He said Jackson's performances in the final days of his life were impressive, and it felt

"like we were definitely on an upswing"

​

"I never doubted Michael because he was the architect of this and he wanted to do it, so part of my responsibility was to help him get there", Payne said, his voice racked with emotion.

Panish ended his direct examination of choreographer Travis Payne with three questions.

Panish: "Did you see that Michael Jackson appeared to be pressured to get everything done at the Staples last rehearsals?"
"Yes," Payne said
Panish: "The pressure about the shows started to manifest itself physically in Michael Jackson?"
"Yes," Payne replied.
Panish:" You could sense that something was wrong, you just didn't know what it was?"
Payne responded "Yes."

AEG re-direct
Payne's demeanor changed after Panish finished questioning him. He was holding back tears when the AEG attorney started re-direct examination. For the next several moments, Payne blinked and dabbed both eyes with a tissue. It was the first time he'd gotten emotional on the stand.

Bina in re-direct asked: "Do you think you could get him there?"
Payne: "Absolutely!"

Bina asked Payne again about how many rehearsals Jackson attended. Payne said MJ was present a significant amount of the days he was scheduled to work but he couldn't recall dates, precisely how many that Jackson attended.
As to Gongaware's email regarding what was expected of Dr. Murray, Payne said the inconsistencies with Michael missing rehearsals warrant a talk. Payne said he thought Dr. Murray was there to care for his patient, making sure right nutritionist was there, to get him ready for the show. Payne never discussed with MJ about his doctors or personal affairs. Payne and Faye were professionals with each other, but not friends.

"Production felt he wasn't coming to rehearsals enough, and that was frustrating to some of the staff," Payne testified. "I had a concern we needed to create a show Michael would enjoy doing it," Payne explained

She also showed Payne photos from the This Is It premiere. First photo is of Payne shaking Jermaine Jackson's hand at the movie premiere. Bina also showed another image of smiling Jermaine, Tito, Jackie and Marlon with Payne at the premiere. Payne cried saying he had been through so much and the rough part was behind them. He was pleased to show the fans what the show was to be.
Jackson re-cross
In re-cross, Panish notes that none of Michael's brothers are part of this lawsuit.
Panish then asked Payne whether Katherine Jackson and Michael's kids went to the premiere. Panish says Katherine Jackson & her grandchildren didn't go to the premiere because they weren't over Jackson's death. Payne said he didn't think anyone was over Jackson's death when the film premiered in late 2009.
Court Transcript