Poems about not caring

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here is a poem i wrote (the love thing is still something i haven’t figured out fully)
‘brother’
i am so young, innocent he has tainted that
i do not love him for the does not respect me it is black and white
my home becomes a house when he inhabits my room is stripped away from me as the wall we share keeps me from peace, from serenity
i was just 7, what did i do to deserve that abuse? i was just 7
i was just newly 17 a forced “happy birthday” by the hands of my mother, a week too late a “happy birthday” void of any warmth or care a chore to get done with i do not love him
of course i understand that there are many things he does that are out of his control/not his fault. i just need to get my feelings out as whenever i tell my mom about how he makes me feel she plays the ‘his brain is different than ours” card and moves along like nothing happened. (Also this poem barely scratches the surface)

The novel begins September 3, 2006, a Sunday. In "physical time," our reality, Andre Agassi played and lost his final match of his career. Steve Irwin, the croc hunter, would die the following day from a stingray's three barbed venomous spinal blades puncturing his heart. Senator Barak Obama was still denying he was intending to run for President (he would announce in February 2007.) The number 1 song in America and the UK is Sexyback by Justin Timberlake. Egypt warned of Palestinian terror attacks against Israelis vacationing in Sinai. Charlie Sheen turned 41. 200 Taliban are killed in a major battle in Kandahar, Afghanistan. Iraqi leaders announce the capture of the #2 leader of Al Qaeda. Europe's space agency purposely crash-lands a lunar probe into the moon.
In short, nothing, on balance seems to have happened in the world that has any particular world-historical or even US-historical import. Just a day. Even searching back 4 extra days from September 3 - since we are told that the man viewing the art installation is now on his fifth straight day in the museum - nothing all that *important* seems to have happened on any of those dates, the way saying a novel is starting on June 6, 1944, or (obviously) September 10, 2001, or July 16, 1945 or November 22, 1962 would be of course trying to tell us something.
Q: why is Delillo's purpose (is there one?) for telling us this specific date? Why is it important that the man is there on September 3, 2006 watching this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a31q2ZQcETw over and over.
Q: who is the man? Delillo himself? Just a random unnamed character? Is it definitely Finley and Elster who are the two men who come into the room? The description of the older man "long white hair braided at the nape" [p.7, Scribner] certainly seems to suggest it is Elster, described in Ch. 1 as a man "with silvery hair, as always, was braided down into a short ponytail." If it is definitely them, what does it mean they attended a museum show together? Anything?
This is not the first Delillo novel to open with a scene where a movie, and anonymous characters' responses to watching it, is central to the narrative - Players opens with a movie being shown on a plane that is basically a silent movie of a terrorist machine-gun attack on waspy golfers, only accompanied by a pianist (yes a pianist) in the airplane bar filling in the suspense with improvised show tunes - and it is not the first to open with an examination of an art installation - Underworld, after the fantastic baseball game section - opens at Klara Sax's airplane bomber art installation commune. But this opening seems to introduce two characters obliquely, and of course only if you've paid close attention to the description of Elster's hair could you think back to it being him, perhaps.
"The nature of the film permitted total concentration and also depended on it." "The less there was to see, the harder he looked, the more he saw." [p.5, Scribner]
Q:Who is this person watching and why should we care?
Q: Did the opening sequence provide you any insight other than , perhaps, confusion? Something other than "what the hell did I just read?" What? Does your reaction to the opening sequence change when you know (if you did before this post) that the Psycho installation was and is real?
Moving on to Chapter 1 [p. 17, Scribner], we learn that we are on Day 10 of a 12-day period of time that relates the initial relationship between Elster and Finley. Finley, who is probably in his early to mid-30s and 73-year-old Elster are spending time at Elster's house in the desert to record a one-take movie of Elster's testimony of what it was like to serve in an administration that went to war under less than honest circumstances.
Our narrator is Jim Finley, a documentary filmmaker who has made exactly one film about Jerry Lewis's telethon appearances - Lewis, a "rampaging comic" to whom Elster would merely be a "straight man." [p.27] Elster, who Finley also describes as "not a man who might make space for even the gentlest correction," [p.22] is a non-political theorist being brought in to an administration to provide narrative to their war. I've seen references to him being based on Paul Wolfowitz, the political scientists who became Deputy SecDef in the Bush II Administration who famously nearly swallowed his comb to wet it to comb his hair in an image that likely sealed his fate in D.C. as unserious and ridiculous who was then shuffled off to the World Bank, but would Delillo ape the man AND mention him in the narrative? If so, that seems clumsy.
Q: Do you even take Elster serious as a character or believable as a "brain" behind the narrative of an administration going to war? A man who speaks in bad koans and aphorisms like "Time becomes blind." [p.23] and who reads Louis Zukovsky into the night? (Zukovsky famously worked on an epic poem called "A" for over almost 50 years, finally finishing it a few years before his death in 1978.)
Finley tells us: "To Elster, sunset was human invention, our perceptual arrangement of light and space into elements of wonder." [p.18, Scribner]. Elster has come to the desert to seek - something - we know not what and are not told definitively - but his narrative of what his role was in Washington was to create a interpretation of the "closed world" for the "plotters, the strategists" [p. 28] and ends up delivering to Finley what I think Finley was after - the cynical idea that Elster was giving form and shape to the government's bullshit narrative - "The state has to lie. There is no lie in war or in preparation for war that can't be defended. We went beyond this. We tried to create new realities overnight, careful sets of words that resemble advertising slogans in memorability and repeatability."
Q: Is Elster ultimately right? Did the country have a "shadowy need" [p.34] for such a narrative? See, for instance: "Let's roll." [probably in reality, "Let's roll it" referring to a beverage cart to break into the cockpit.]
"Shock and awe." "Global War on Terror" "Slam dunk" "WMDs" "The Surge" And perhaps most infamously "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques"
At the ends of the chapter, we get what counts as a cliffhanger in this slim novel: Elster's adult daughter would be coming for a visit, Jessie who was "otherworldly" [p. 36].

There’s a poem with a line in it (the title) that is popular on tik tok.
But in regard to this job and for me personally, this can be changed to “everything I have let go of, has a kiss on the forehead.” Not literally, of course.
I am not the best at a lot of things when it comes to this job. My beds will not be the tidiest and I do not know the best ways to position people, but I know without a doubt every person feels cared for. Sometimes, I think the most important thing you can really do for people is listen and show up.
I started thinking about all this the other day when a resident said (at 3am): “I love the way you take care of me.”

Sounds silly right? I would usually be panicking about money but I am decidedly not allowing that. This week is my week of self care.
And I pretty much did what I always do. Sat in the grass. Went for a walk. Wrote. Thought. But I wasn’t bound to the constraints of a workday or being in front of a screen so it was liberating. Scribbling notes for future poems.
I have an idea for one where I am the object being pressed into clay to indicate a trade. Put me in the oven. Record that history. The imprint of a woman. Round bits creating deeper divets. The shadow of my life on an orange tablet, just another transaction.
I ache. It feels like someone is pulling away or leaving. I want to be closer not farther. I want to be whole.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years now. We met online and we’re in a long-distance relationship. I’ve had such wonderful times with him and I love him. But lately, as we’re becoming more serious, I’ve been noticing things about him that bother me. I feel like I don’t really have a normal boyfriend and I feel like I deserve better. I suddenly catch myself wondering if this is really going to work out and if I won’t be happier with someone else. I’ve really loved him so much, he was everything to me. I was always bursting with love for him. I feel quite numb lately, because there are so many things about him that I’m starting to notice now, and they’re starting to bother me. I feel resentment towards him.
First of all, he is a bit overweight and I’ve been waiting two years for him to lose weight. It stayed the same in the first year even though he promised me he would lose the weight for me. We dated for nine months online before meeting and he only told me he was overweight two months before we were going to meet up. I didn’t know, because the only pictures of him online were of when he was slim. He is starting to lose weight now, but it’s going quite slowly and I feel like I need to push him and help him all the time.
Second of all, he’s not financially stable. He’s a freelance writer but he doesn’t earn any money. He lives with his parents which is not ideal but wouldn’t bother me so much if he was actually employed and earning money. When we ‘works’ it’s just him writing stories and poems for himself. He does receive £500 a month because he once tried to commit suicide when he was 17, but that will end soon and still, it’s not enough. He also dropped out of college because of that so he doesn’t have a degree either. I told him that I would like him to get a job because we want to get married early and it’s important that he has a steady income before we do. He asked me if I could look for jobs for him, which was fine by me, I don’t mind helping. He looked a little aswell and asked around in some libraries but he’s not really doing anything about it now. He’s not actively searching. It really comes from me. He’s setting up his writing website now but even that takes so long. I don’t feel much motivation or ambition from him.
Third, he doesn’t have his driver’s licence and he doesn’t have a car. I was the one who really spurred him on to get lessons. He’s had two lessons from his dad in two months. He’s not really doing much for it. If he really cared he would make sure to get at least one lesson a week.
I feel like there are so many things that lack in him. I really love him, but I feel like I constantly have to see things through my fingers. I’m constantly waiting for him to do and achieve the things that I want him to do. I feel anxious and stressed. I’m starting to feel like I don’t have a future with him. I can’t see us living together in a nice house with children. I can’t see him being a father. It’s all just a dream. It’s not normal that I should make my boyfriend get a job and work and get his licence. He’s turning 25 this year, these are things he should already have and that he should be doing on his own, I shouldn’t have to tell him. I stayed because I really thought it would get better and maybe it is getting a little better, but it’s not enough. I don’t feel safe, I feel unstable. I feel like it’s just a game. I’m doing my part, I’m in college and saving as much money as I can. I feel like he’s not doing his part. And now I actually feel like I love and like him less because of all these things, because it makes me feel resentful and unnattracted to him. I keep imagining myself and a man who has a job and a house and is independent and even the thought of that makes me feel so relieved. I’m thinking of being with other people and it makes me feel guilty. I really don’t need much, I’m not asking for a huge income and a big house. And I’m also willing to work hard myself, but I can’t do it alone. Even if we just live in an apartment and don’t go on holidays that much, I don’t mind if I’m with the man I love. But this is not even at the minimum.
I’m all alone in bed now, he walked away angrily to sleep downstairs because I called him a manchild because he said he doesn’t want to come to my house during the six weeks we won’t see each other. It made me feel annoyed because even if he doesn’t like my house or my parents and is afraid of flying, would it really be worth not seeing me for so long? I feel so sad and hopeless. I just want a man. I’m done with this. I’m going home tommorow and maybe I should just break it off now, although his parents booked a holiday for us all in Cornwall in June. Please help me. I’ve always been willing to fight for him and wait for him and make sacrifices for him. I’ve been cutting down my own needs for him, but my patience and hope is running out now.

Has anyone seen what he's been up to on instagram? I just finished the final and I like seeing what former contestants are getting up to and he's writing petty poems comparing the experience/people in it to the seven deadly sins 💀 He was invited to the final but chose not to go, according to Ben's instagram comments (I couldn't find anyone else commenting on the situation). It's all just a bit odd.
Domnall is very talented but he doesn't handle criticism or rejection well it seems, idk I can't analyse someone's personality when I've never met them but there's just something so sad and petty about writing a angry poem about something like this. Everyone's aware that competition shows are never fully what they seem but I feel the best thing you can do is use the publicity for your own advantage, as it's a privilege in itself to be given a big medium to show your stuff.
Thoughts? I don't personally care about his or anyones elimination because it seemed pretty clear to me that the production has an underdog story they wanted to tell with Roisin, and the prize this season (the contract) wasn't half as appealing as past one's in my opinion (isn't furniture design a separate specialism? I know they are linked but just because your good at making spaces look nice doesn't mean you'll know what makes a good piece of furniture.)

I (f, 22) just wanted to vent somewhere people will actually understand. I’ve been dealing with GP for about 4 years now and finally got diagnosed last year, i had the botox injection in september and was in hospital for around a month, didn’t have to go back to a&e at all until the end of march where it all started happening again. for the first time in years i actually felt free and i was able to live as close to a normal life as i could, obviously being careful in what i ate and portion size but pretty much had freedom to eat what i wanted when i wanted and it just made me feel somewhat like a normal person.
since the end of march i’ve been in and out of hospital, i had another round of botox early april but that didn’t seem to help and the doctors couldn’t explain why, they said maybe it wasn’t injected in the right place or they didn’t use enough, they honestly were nearly as clueless as i was. in the end they decided to repeat the botox, that was just over a week ago. i was sent home the same day, had to go back to a&e later that evening, was sent home 2 days later and again was back in a&e that same evening. i’ve now been kept as an inpatient for a week and i’m still finding it hard to eat/drink without being sick and feeling really intense stomach pain, it gets to the point where i’m rolling around, crying and screaming in pain. doctors don’t seem to do much at all other than keep me on regular IV cyclizine and metoclopramide for sickness, subcutaneous morphine injections for the pain and a sliding scale to manage my T1DM.
when i was healthy for that october-march period i’d managed to gain some weight and was around 50kg, a week ago i was back to the godforsaken 46kg i seemed to always be stuck at before, and now i’ve gone down to 43kg which has been really disheartening and has taken a toll on my mental health. i felt i was doing so well, not only had i gained weight but also muscle, i was exercising more than i ever could have before and even walking 10-12km a day, now i can barely walk down the hall without feeling drained. i managed to get a job which i was doing quite well at and it was my first job, at 22, because i could never get hired before due to being so unreliable with my condition, luckily they understand what i have to deal with as it is my boyfriend’s family business.
i don’t know, everything is just making me feel really down and depressed and all i want is to be able to go home and go back to my life. staff at hospital also don’t help, the majority are nice but i still get comments from certain nurses who accuse me of faking to get medication or who complain when i’m crying as i’m “disturbing others” when there’s nothing i can do. i hate the way my body looks again, i hate the gap between my thighs and how i can see my ribs and bony shoulders. i hate my arms even more, all the bruises and needle marks from blood tests and IV drips, it makes me look like a junkie and i find myself crying because of it a lot.
i’ve been referred to another hospital for a consultation regarding a G-POEM but still haven’t heard from them yet. it’s just getting to the point where i’m feeling so hopeless and helpless. i’ve also been put back on anti depressants and taking diazepam regularly to help with the anxiety and distress it all causes.
at home i smoke weed, a decent amount, which helps with my appetite and also helps with my mental health struggles but obviously being in hospital i haven’t been able to smoke which makes everything so much worse as i don’t have anything to distract myself from what’s happening. some days smoking is the only thing that will get me to eat and keep me from having anxiety toward food.
my boyfriend (m, 29) and his family have been really supportive and they’re pretty much the only reason i haven’t spiraled into a full on mental health crisis, he visits nearly everyday and so does his mother who has been such a huge support for me as my own family aren’t there for me. i actually asked my mother if she would come visit me, i knew she wouldn’t, but i did it anyway, she came up with a bullshit excuse as to why she couldn’t and that nearly broke me because i was already feeling so low and on top of that i then felt rejected by my own mother, i should’ve known better but at that moment i just needed my mom. the one who came through for me that day was my boyfriend’s mom who came to see me as soon as she found out how upset i was, she held me, she let me cry and hugged me so tightly and reassured me i was loved and cared for. she’s truly been the mother i needed through this.
i know that i can be somewhat healthy and live almost normally, but right now things are just so bleak and i’m struggling to see a way out, all i want is to just be normal, it’s all i’ve wanted my entire life and it’s like no matter what i will never get that. i’ve had T1DM since i was 9 with 2 diabetes related comas under my belt by age 10, PTSD, depression, and anxiety since 12, and the GP since i was 18, it’s like i can’t catch a break. no one understands what it’s like but i keep getting told “i get it” or “i relate to that” and i know people are trying to make me feel better but to me it just comes across as diminishing what i’m going through and have been going through for so long. I was also recently told just how bad my GP is and i just couldn’t stop crying for hours, i was always told it was ‘severe’ but now i know that i have 96% retention after 4 hours and all it did was make me feel even more hopeless.
sorry for the long post, i just really don’t know where else to go where people might ACTUALLY understand what i’m going through

When I found this forum about a month ago I was reading the back posts and weeping the whole time.
Background:
I have processed this in therapy, made my peace, and have empathy for the situations that made her who she is.
I don't want to cause her harm, and fortunately I am really bad at relationships, and do not have children. Because it would be very painful if she had grandchildren that she has no access to. My sister and BIL can't have kids. (Details omitted for TW)
I work in the MH field, I'm an Nurse Practitioner. I worked as part of a DBT team. I am not DBT trained or certified but I got really good at boundaries, and sensing manipulation, without having an emotional response.
Before I went NC I would directly and clearly set limits. I stopped her when she would try to split my Sister and I, or gossip about her. There were several times every visit where I would stop her, and explain how I would not engage, did not want to hear, or set a reasonable expectation. Her reply a few times was "Don't analyze me."
Which is amusing because after the last estrangement, I asked her to go to therapy.... never happened.
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Current Situation:
My Mother visited my Uncle who is dying of cancer and has by his estimation about 2 months to live.
My Mother sent me a text that I should visit him that she was down there and he does not have much time to live. I forgot I hadn't blocked her number on the new phone.
I have been NC for 9 years other then sending her a 9th Step (AA) letter. I intend to be NC for the rest of her life or mine whichever ends first.
I asked if she was present in the room. She left the morning of him calling me. I said I appreciated him not doing "One of those Ophra type interventions" as it's usually destructive.
I asked about visiting. Everyone has been invited down but me. He says he would like a visit.
He wants me "As a personal favor" to reconcile with her. I should mention he's a retired corporate attorney. Yes it's not amateur hour on either side of the phone. He said she was "Distraught that I would not talk with her."
I said let's address the second item, as you may not want me to visit depending on how I answer.
I would prefer having this conversation in person and to not have this conversation on a 2 sided Cell phone call either.
I said "no."
He pushed back and said this was not normal. I explained how it's more common then you would think both from people I know and also from being in clinical practice for almost 20 years.
He said "I can hear it in your voice that you want to reconcile." (Defining my feelings) I said I am speaking to you in the same tone I use with my patients.
I said that I will not be interacting with her for the rest of our lives. That this was a carefully made and considered decision.
I said we can discuss my reasons if you would like.
He said that was not his concern that it was between my Mother and I.
My mind formulates, "So no matter what happened, there is no reason that would cause you to find estrangement acceptable." Secondly you are implicating that I am being unreasonable, or worse yet cruel.
This goes in circles.
He bounces off a few boundaries, answer stays the same.
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I figure I am going to let him know some of the situation. Because he's dying and I don't want him to think I am just being unreasonable and stubborn.
I then explain a little of how our childhood was. The abuse that my mother and I got. I also said I suspect my sister getting other abuse. Left that one hanging out there... Remember this is what I do for a living so that should have significant weight.
The things I did that I regret, and have made amends, as well as going to therapy, stopped drinking, worked the steps, and so forth.
I mentioned my sister goes to Trauma therapy, partially because of me.
Which also puts out there "Has your Sister ever had any therapy for all the stuff she has been through?"
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He says "I can hear you are angry at your mother.." (defining feelings again) "
"Help me understand why do you feel that way."
"Based on what you said (above)" I said back, I am not angry at her. I have accepted and made my peace with this situation. I only listed my part in it, and what I have done to become a better person."
Which floats the unsaid question "What is her part in this?"
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I said the offer is on the table to talk about this, or not talk about it. That is up to him. If you do want to have this conversation then it needs to be scheduled so I can have my notes.
The offer of a visit is "We shall see, and depends on how I am doing, check back in a week." I know the answer already. I also explained if I visit I will be getting a hotel room and a rental car, and that it's probably better if we do 2-3 hour visits so I don't tire him out.
The unsaid part is I want to be able to leave if I need to immediately, I want to be able to go to daily AA meetings, I want my own space process this coming loss. I
wrote a poem about this situation and read it in at my AA homegroup (The meeting you go to most and help keep it going.) I haven't written a poem since HS writing class. I've been weepy about the whole situation on and off.
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I have a letter penned to my cousins, who I am in contact with explaining that he is a father figure in my life, that this is a very painful situation for me anticipating his passing, and that I apologize for not attending major life events in their lives and their children's lives because of this estrangement. That I won't be attending his service because it's the place for my Mother to mourn her last living sibling.
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Conclusion:

1. That firstly he feels that there is nothing that would justify estrangement.
2. That my Mother probably said she has no insight into why I estranged her.
3. Based on #2 I am guessing that she has had no therapy. A good therapist would turn that around and use certain questions to help her develop insight.
4. That he feels I am angry and I want to reconcile.
5. Defining my feelings is a huge red flag for me.
6. I bet he didn't expect me to be calm, collected and give a rational and consistent dialogue.
7. Having to hear about his Sister's home life probably hurts. The fact that he probably had no clue until my father passed, he has a lot of guilt.
8. He's formally trained and skilled in negotiation tactics.
9. He's dying so he has a huge ability to guilt me.
10. I gave him the option to understand, that I would visit if asked, that I would limit exposure, and that we did not have to address this, or we can look at photos and tell stories, etc. What is not on the table is reconciliation with my Mother.

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(It got too long, sorry, but I needed to explain) I (27F) met this INTJ online (28M) and we talked for about 3 months. Our messages were really deep and we exchanged and shared many values and it felt like we developed a deep connection and shared many views or future visions (marriage, kids etc).. we became closer until we almost every day alept on the phone (he is from another country). He said so many seeet things which even surprised me and I'm a bit shy in the beginning to say such things. But he made me thaw and open up more and more until we both became kinda lovey dovey like a couple. (But wanted to wait till we meet) I wanted to go to his country again anyway, but he gave me another reason to look forward to it a lot. It seemed so obvious that we will start a relationship after meeting that we even searched for Airbnbs together (like for 2 people).
So I went there, he was picking me up from the airport with flowers. But within the first days of my 1,5 month stay he told me he thinks he can't have a relationship now.
Now about all the more confusing things (only the things he did): - He said he started to worry earlier, so not just suddenly. But to me he kept the lovey dovey behaviour up till we met. He even kissed me the first weekend we stayed together. And he cried in my arms while talking about the not being together. - He still spent my whole stay together with me everyday, even though he had to come late after work. He cared so much for me, always asked me if I'm hungry and brought food etc. or cooked for me - Everyday before and after his work we hugged each other and wished us a good day - He told his mom and brother about me during my stay, how kind I am etc and told me his mom said she wants to meet me (why would he mention that though?) - Even though he mentioned one worry is money and time he invited me to eat out a lot and always insisted to pay except for the times I managed to give my card earlier. Even though I told him I don't care about money or his job. We all started somewhere. And I care about him as a person. - I asked for more reasons and he said there are so many worries, more about himself and that he can't tell me everything - He mentioned that I have so many "perfect girlfriend" attributes and something a man would want and wife material, but maybe some men could also think they are not good enough (maybe he also thought that?) - I told him that I usually don't like situations like this, like couple behavioubeing close like this without relationship. He agreed but he said that I am different/we are different. And when I mentioned that maybe because of that we shouldn't stay together in one place he looked really sad and in the end we stayed together till the end and I tried my best to maybe lose his fears/make him feel comfortable and enjoy time with him - He has nobody to talk to other than his family and me, because he prefers to be alone and has no friends. so it meant even more to me that he spent so much time and seemed to like me. - He said I'm a gift to him, the biggest one in his life - He told me how precious I am to him - He said he wants to always help me - He called me "cutie" in my language a lot - We practiced our languages together - Towards the end he opened up more and became more and more comfortable with me, he also mentioned then that he doesn't know if he is deserving of a relationship and when I told him that he seems quite confused he admitted that - He also became more "close" Like hugs or cuddling (not more), like initiated by him - Sometimes he said things quite randomly/surprisingly, like when we were outside he one time said that usually when he is alone he feels nothing, but with me he is happy. Later he also said that multiple times again, that with me every moment was happy and he thanked me for that - He said he also feels guilty, but guilt is not a big reason to spend time with me, if he wouldn't like spending time with me, he wouldn't - Till the end I was in his phone as "My home " with a emoji with the hearts around the head - He made me a very expensive gift in the last night before I left (even though he mentioned that his job isn't that great etc), he thought about it from before I went there - he held my hand when we went to the airport - He said I shouldn't worry too much and we will meet again and can still text, call and maybe videocall
All this effort and how he thinks about me, but being so unsure about his feelings confused me so much. I always wondered why would make someone such effort even after rejecting someone and spend so much time? So I believed in his words and I thought he is just confused and very unsure about himself and his life, from what I felt.
After I left the country he wrote things like he wants to go home together and how thankful he is and happy he was etc. We still texted afterwards but I also always kept the hope, even afterwards. He said I can't change his decision easily, but why are his actions so different from his decision? I asked him clearly if we really won't be ever able to be together, because I thought it's easier for me to accept it and move on after a clear statement. But even the response to that was unclear. Because he said something like "For your sake I think it's right to say that this is right. But you also could feel my heart"
I left him a birthday gift before I left, becaus his birthday was upcoming. And he sent me pictures after opening and also longer messages how it's touching and to thank me a lot. And also saying that I am luck to him and etc. It made me happy that the personalised gift seemed to mean a lot to him. But some days later I noticed he texted less and his responds took so long. (for the first time in months) So I asked him if he is OK? And that I thought he maybe wants to not text that much anymore or that there is a problem.. but it made him go into lecture mode, that I shouldn't assume things, because that's not the case etc. So I felt a bit sorry to express my feelings but I also told him that he also can always tell me when he needs space or something and I just try to understand him better. But he also told me he wished I wouldn't try to understand better. In my case I think an effort to understand each other better is needed though for human relationships. He later also apologised in the middle of the night, that he never wanted to hurt me but did now and that he just doesn't want me to hurt alone anymore. And I also thanked him for caring about me (since his lecturing way is also one of his ways of caring and it also helps me).
He also said if he wouldn't want to text with me or value me he wouldn't do this lecturing and just not respond. After that we exchanged a few longer positive/appreciative messages for 2 days and onto my last one he only put a heart reaction and didn't reply anymore. He liked my story when I wrote a poem in his language which was about him (nobody would know) and saying he shouldn't be too hard on himself. He still looks at my story and didn't change the stickers on his profile (which represented us) etc. I wondered if I should reach out, because it's on my mind everyday too much. Since almost 3 weeks now. But I also said and did everything I could during our time. And I also want to give him space to figure himself and his life out because he spent so much time on me before and he seems very confused about what he wants in life.. I still don't think he is someone who just says meaningful things easily..
I feel like it can't be the end like this.. Do you think he would come back by himself after some time?

Welcome to Digital Reality...
Link to Part 1
Link to Part 35 (contains links back to Parts 2-34)
Link to Part 36
Link to Part 37
Link to Part 38
Link to Part 39
Link to Part 40
Link to Part 41
Link to Part 42
Link to Part 43
Link to Part 44
Link to Part 45
Link to Part 46
Link to Part 47
Link to Part 48
Link to Part 49
Link to Part 50
Link to Part 51
Note: This story is meant to be read after completing DDLC Plus. All credit for the original DDLC and DDLC Plus characters and world goes to their creator, and this story is not affiliated with the official DDLC content. Some concepts like the Universal Constructor and the concept of AI rampancy are also borrowed from other series (most notably the original Deus Ex), though their use in this story is my own idea. With a few exceptions, my original characters in this story will generally not be named and their descriptions will be kept vague, so anyone reading this who wants to see themselves in one of the original characters can more easily do so. I'd welcome any feedback and will post more parts as I write them. I hope you enjoy the story.
Credit for Sayuri's character design: Hoeruko. Credit for Sayuri's sprites: Ian and Itz_Matic.
Here is Part 52 of the story. Sayori, MC, and the FXI team try to keep Yuri calm while waiting for Natsuki to arrive. But they may have a much bigger problem than Yuri's behavior. Custom Dialogue: A Serious Problem
Part 52: Solutions and Problems
“The fourth construction is proceeding,” UC senior engineer Lauren Medrano reported, raising her voice to be heard above the pinging noises coming from the Universal Constructor and the commotion in the control room, “System estimates fifteen minutes to completion.”
UC project manager David Kent nodded, “Our construction time is getting faster with each run. Very good.”
The FXI President picked up his phone and sent a text to the FXI CTO.
Natsuki should be here in fifteen minutes. How are you holding up?
A few moments later the FXI CTO replied.
We’ve kept Yuri talking and she seems a little bit calmer. She’s demanding that you come back to the conference room so that she can confess to me in front of all of my friends.
The FXI President shook his head as he typed back.
I’ll be over in a minute. At least you have managed to keep her talking and she hasn’t gone totally out of control.
He put the phone down and turned to Ive Laster. “I’ll be right back. They’re asking for me in the conference room. Seems like they’ve been able to keep Yuri talking so far.”
Laster nodded. “Okay. My system will be pretty much locked up for the next twenty minutes or so running the diagnostic scan. It’s a scan of active processes, so while it’s fairly quick it still takes a ton of resources. Do you mind if I use your machine if we need anything from VM1 while mine is unavailable? I’ll text you if anything comes up or if the construction finishes while you’re gone.”
“Yeah. Sure,” the FXI President replied as he stood up from his chair, “I’ll let you know what happens with Yuri.”
The FXI President turned, walked out of the UC control room, and walked down the hall to the conference room where Sayori, MC, Yuri, and the FXI CTO sat. Sayori looked uncomfortable. MC appeared to be intently studying his can of soda. The FXI CTO’s expression was somewhere between shock and exhaustion as he sat next to Yuri, who held his hand as she continued to grin.
Yuri’s eyes lit up and she stood as the FXI President entered the room. “Good! We’re all here! Now we can begin.
“What can we expect here?” the FXI President whispered to MC.
“Probably a monologue of a confession,” MC whispered back with a sigh, “You might want to grab yourself something to drink or a snack. This could take a while.”
Yuri stared with intensity at the FXI CTO. “Ever since we met, I knew we were meant to be together. Not even the distance between your reality and my digital world could keep us apart. And you found a way to bring me here! So I can stand before you and confess my love for you!”
“Yuri, I…I have to admit that I was scared of you AIs at first given the potential for what could happen if self-aware code were to go out control,” the FXI CTO said cautiously, “But over time as we interacted with all of the members of the Literature Club, your humanity became clear.”
“Yes!” Yuri agreed enthusiastically, “You saw something in us that nobody else did. You fought for us…you fought for me! How could I not fall in love with you? And if you were willing to do so much to bring me to your reality, you must feel the same way!”
The FXI CTO started to reply, but Yuri cut him off and continued to speak, the tone of her voice varying between passionate and pleading.
“I’m sorry…I’m normally more eloquent than this…but I just can’t help myself. My mind has just been racing nonstop thinking about you! It’s like my heart is just screaming your name!”
“Do you even know my name?” the FXI CTO asked.
“Don’t be silly…of course I do!” Yuri quickly replied with a giggle, “I know everything about you. It’s very easy for an AI to search the internet and quickly find out a lot about a person.”
“Like what?” the FXI CTO inquired, “Tell me something that I’m interested in.”
Yuri gave him a smug grin. “Well, for example I know that you like to read cyberpunk novels and conspiracy theory books. Soon we will read together! It will be so much fun!”
The FXI CTO’s mouth fell open. “How did you…yeah. AI. Maybe my initial feelings of concern weren’t wrong. Or maybe I should just delete my social media accounts.”
“It’s not nice to invade people’s privacy,” Sayori said, looking up at Yuri, “It’s one thing to have a crush on someone, but it’s not okay to dig into their private files.”
Yuri glared at her. “Don’t judge me. You weren’t the one trying to find a way to love someone who was in a completely separate reality. I didn’t get a childhood friend programmed to fall in love with me like you did.”
Sayori looked away, her expression showing dismay and hurt feelings.
“That’s uncalled for, Yuri,” MC interjected, “The initial script may have been programmed so that Sayori and I would have feelings for each other, but we were given the choice and we chose each other.”
“And I chose him!” Yuri retorted, grabbing the FXI CTO’s hand possessively, “It isn’t wrong to want to get to know the one you love!”
“Right, but you have to give me a chance to respond to your confession first,” the FXI CTO pointed out.
“Yes, you are right,” Yuri agreed, her manic expression flickering for a moment, “I just need to find the perfect words and we’ll be together forever! But…I can’t find the words. Why can’t I find the words?”
“Feel free to take as long as you need,” the FXI CTO reassured her, “It’s okay.”
Yuri paused for a long moment, her eyes rapidly looking around the room. “This isn’t working. Why isn’t this working? What’s wrong with me? I need to think…I need to clear my head and organize my thoughts. I know! Get me a pen!”
“You want a pen?” the FXI President asked, “Just a pen, or paper too?”
“Of course! Paper too!” Yuri replied, “What would I do with just a pen? I can’t write on the table!”
“What are you going to write?” MC asked.
“I figured it out!” Yuri said excitedly, “The perfect way to confess my feelings is through poetry! There are so many vivid images that I can create with a poem.”
The FXI President looked through one of the cabinets in the conference room and came up with a notepad and pen with the MES logo on them. He pushed them across the table toward Yuri.
“Okay, Yuri, I look forward to reading your poem,” the FXI CTO said, “Should we give you some space to write?”
“No, no, you’re not going anywhere!” Yuri replied, her expression returning to a manic grin, “I want to stare into your eyes as I ponder every word that I will write for you! But the rest of you should leave and give us some space.”
The FXI President looked to the FXI CTO. “You going to be okay?”
The FXI CTO gave an exhausted smile. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. Go check and see how long it will be before Natsuki gets here.”
Yuri’s expression became one of annoyance. “Why would you ask about her? Nobody cares about that little pink brat.”
Sayori winced in emotional pain as she stood from her chair. “Yuri, please be nicer to our friends. We’ve all been through a lot today.”
Yuri ignored her and began furiously writing on the notepad. Sayori shook her head sadly as she followed the FXI President and MC out the door of the conference room toward the UC control room.
“I really don’t like seeing her like that,” Sayori said glumly, “I like when everyone is happy, and when Yuri gets like that or when she and Natsuki fight it just makes me so sad.”
“Well maybe Yuri will calm down after she’s able to write for a while,” MC offered hopefully, “Or if she doesn’t, Natsuki should be here soon anyway. How does she get Yuri out of that state anyway?”
“I don’t know. I’ve only briefly seen her like this before. I think most of the times in the original script that she was like this was after I…” Sayori replied, trailing off as unpleasant memories came back to her, “No. Sorry MC, I don’t want think about this right now. It led me to memories that really hurt…some of the worst rain clouds.”
“Sorry, Sayori,” MC apologized, “I didn’t mean to make you think about that.”
Sayori nodded, accepting his apology, but remained silent.
The FXI President opened the door to the UC control room and followed MC and Sayori in. The room was filled with the noises of the UC and the conversations of the engineers.
“How’s construction going?” the FXI President asked.
“Finishing up now,” Medrano replied with satisfaction, “The system is running final error checks…call it another two or three minutes. The UC has surpassed all of our expectations today.”
The FXI President nodded and walked over to the table where Ive Laster and Paula Miner sat behind his computer. “How’s the scan going?”
“It hasn’t turned up anything so far, but unfortunately the scan is using a ton of resources,” Laster said, “It’s degrading system performance on VM1 to the point where it’s going to slow down the next transmission significantly.”
The FXI President grimaced. “That’s not ideal.”
“No, not at all,” Laster agreed, “How are things going with Yuri?”
“We’ve been stalling for time and trying to calm her down,” the FXI President explained, “She seemed to be getting a little bit better and decided that she needed to write, so we gave her a pen and paper.”
“See? Your fears were clearly unfounded,” Miner said to Laster with a smile, “We made the right call by proceeding.”
The FXI President shook his head. “Not entirely. She’s still in a manic and obsessed state.”
Miner waved her hand dismissively. “We’ll deal with that later.”
The FXI President turned back to his computer and the terminal window to VM1, where Monika and Sayuri anxiously awaited news of Natsuki.
“Any updates?” Monika asked.
“Almost done,” the FXI President replied, “Should only be about a minute or two more until Natsuki gets here.”
“How’s Yuri doing?” Sayuri added, her voice full of concern.
“She’s a little better, I think,” the FXI President explained, “She’s still in her obsessive state, but she’s decided that she can better express her feelings through writing. We gave her a pen and paper.”
“That’s at least a bit of positive news,” Monika said with some relief, “Just keep an eye on her until Natsuki arrives. And at least she’s writing and not using the pen for…never mind.”
The FXI President frowned as a console window unexpectedly popped up on the terminal screen.
UNLOAD STAIRWELL.LOC
UNLOAD STREET.LOC
STAIRWELL.LOC OFFLINE
STREET.LOC OFFLINE
He turned his laptop to face Laster. “Is this normal?”
Laster looked at the console message. “Rea told me that some assets that aren’t being used might be offloaded during the scan but keep an eye on it and let me know if it keeps happening.”
The FXI President nodded.
“Construction complete,” one of the UC engineers announced, “Removing nanites from construction chamber.”
“Nanite removal confirmed,” another engineer reported, “Clear to open the UC chamber.”
“Excellent,” Medrano said with a nod, “Reset the system for the next construction.”
Laster, Miner, Sayori, MC, and the FXI President walked to the windows in the control room, as the light above the door to the UC chamber flipped from red to green. The construction chamber at the center of the chamber slid open, and a short, pink-haired young woman stepped out.
“Wow. Her pink hair and eyes really are striking in person,” one of the engineers observed.
Natsuki looked around the room. “I’m here! Start the party!”
From the windows above the UC chamber Natsuki saw Sayori and MC waving to her. Returning their smile, she walked up the stairs and through the door to the control room.
“Natsuki!” Sayori yelled, running over to her friend and giving her a huge hug, “You made it!”
“Oof…you’re squeezing me a bit tight there, Sayori,” Natsuki said, loosening the embrace.
“Ehehehe…sorry,” Sayori said, stepping back from Natsuki, “I’m just so glad that you made it okay.”
Natsuki turned to Laster and the FXI President. “So you’re the guys we’ve seen as fuzzy silhouettes in our world?”
“That’s us,” the FXI President confirmed, “We’re glad you made it safely.”
“Yeah…” Natsuki said quietly, “Thanks for everything. Nobody has ever cared about me much before, so…yeah. Thanks.”
“Of course,” Laster replied, “We do need your help with Yuri now. You said you had a way to snap her out of her obsessive state?”
Natsuki thought for a moment. “Oh…yeah, I should be able to help. Where is she?”
“Come with us,” Laster said, leading Natsuki to the door to the UC control room, “She’s in a conference room down the hall. We also have some snacks there if you want something to eat.”
Natsuki, the FXI President, Sayori, and MC followed Laster down the hall to the conference room where Yuri and the FXI CTO sat. Yuri was furiously writing on her notepad, pausing frequently to stare at the FXI CTO.
Yuri looked up as Natsuki stepped into the room. Her expression became one of rage as she stood.
“You! Don’t you dare interrupt me when I’m trying to write the perfect confession!”
“Well hello to you too, Yuri,” Natsuki said, “Please calm down. I’m not trying to steal him from you.”
“Nobody cares what you have to say!” Yuri yelled, her tone increasingly agitated, “Just get out, you little pink brat!”
Natsuki sighed as she stepped closer to Yuri, “Yuri, you’re my friend. So I’m really sorry to have to do this.”
*SLAP*
Natsuki slapped Yuri across the face. Sayori gasped and looked away as MC cringed.
Yuri staggered for a moment and fell back into her chair.
“That was your solution?” Laster asked incredulously.
Natsuki held up a hand. “Give her a minute.”
Yuri blinked rapidly several times. She looked around the room, meeting eyes with Natsuki, Sayori, MC, Laster, the FXI President, and the FXI CTO in turn.
“W-what…what happened?” Yuri asked. She looked down at her notepad, which was filled with barely legible scribbles.
“You…you weren’t yourself,” Natsuki explained, “And smacking you across the face is the only way I know to get you to snap out of that state.”
Yuri looked from Natsuki to her notepad to the FXI CTO as she thought for a moment before bursting out in tears.
“I…I’m so s-sorry,” she sobbed, “This is why I was so afraid to come to the real world. Everyone will think I’m just a mess now…that I’m just a crazy yandere. I’m n-not like that. I don’t know what came over me…I don’t know what to do…my passions just overcome me sometimes…”
Yuri put her head down on the table and continued to cry softly. Sayori walked over to where she sat and embraced her.
“Yuri, everyone knows that wasn’t the real you,” Sayori said, “We know you’re a passionate person. We’ve enjoyed reading your poetry and seeing your passion in your writing. And most of all we’ve been so glad to have you as a friend.”
Natsuki joined the hug. “Yeah. We won’t always get along, but I’m glad that you are part of the Literature Club and I’m happy you’re my friend.”
Yuri looked up, her eyes red from tears. “B-but everyone in the real world thinks I’m crazy. This is why nobody has ever liked me…I don’t know how to be normal.”
She turned to the FXI CTO, who had been sitting silently in his chair. “I’m so sorry for everything that happened today. I know I made you uncomfortable but please…I don’t know how to prove it to you but please know that isn’t the real me.”
The FXI CTO gave her a reassuring smile. “It’s okay, Yuri. I know that’s not what you’re normally like. And at least you didn’t pull out one of your knives on me. To be honest, we wanted to not send your file to the UC until you were feeling better, but we were overruled.”
Yuri smiled weakly. “Thank you for understanding.”
“Whoever made that decision is a complete idiot,” Natsuki said, “I would have volunteered to go before Yuri to give her time to calm down.”
“Hey…we may have had our disagreements, but Paula’s support has been important to getting this all done and she is a friend of mine,” Laster interjected.
“The same Paula who said it was okay to delete Sayuri?” Natsuki asked, her tone becoming dark.
Sayori, MC, and Yuri all looked at Laster with suspicion in their eyes.
“Hang on a minute,” Laster replied, holding up a hand, “I’m not asking you to like Paula or be friends with her, but I need you all to stay calm until this is all done. Let me handle her. She and I have known each other for years and we work well together. And remember, two of your friends are still in the digital world and we need to make sure nothing prevents them from getting here.”
Natsuki continued to glare at Laster for a moment before her expression finally lost its anger. “Fine. But just make sure everyone gets here, okay?”
Laster nodded. “Speaking of which, we need to head back to the control room to get ready for the next construction. You all can stay here and relax for now.”
“Can…can we watch?” Yuri asked quietly, “The whole concept of constructing an entire person using nanotechnology almost seems like something out of a science fiction story. I would also like to take the opportunity to demonstrate to all present that I am now in a much better mental state than when they first saw me.”
Laster shrugged. “Sure. Just stay out of everyone’s way and don’t touch anything.”
Laster, the FXI executives, and the members of the Literature Club filed out of the conference room and returned to the UC control room.
Paula Miner looked up as the group entered the room. Her face flickered when she saw the members of the Literature Club, but she maintained her composure. “About time you guys came back. They’re ready for the next file.”
Yuri and Natsuki walked to the windows overlooking the UC chamber as Laster and the FXI executives sat down at the table with their laptops. Sayori and MC stood behind them, observing the room.
“Are you…feeling better now?” Medrano asked Yuri cautiously.
Yuri nodded slowly. “Yes. Thank you for asking. I apologize...I was in an alternate mental state when my file was transmitted to your machinery, causing the unusual behavior that you saw.”
“It’s okay,” Medrano replied with a smile, “You’ve been through a lot today. But please let us know if you have any other issues.”
Medrano turned to Laster and the FXI executives. “Our system is ready to proceed with the next construction. Transmit whenever you’re ready.”
The FXI President turned to his laptop and the remaining members of the Literature Club on VM1.
“Okay, Sayuri, you’re up next,” he said, “Are you ready to go?”
“Yes, I am ready…though it’s not like I had much to get ready,” Sayuri said flatly, “I don’t have any personal items or even a change of clothes.”
He turned to Laster. “Looks like we’re ready to go here, Ive.”
Laster nodded. “Okay. Let’s do it.”
The console window reappeared on the FXI President’s terminal window.
STAIRWELL.LOC DELETED
STREET.LOC DELETED
UNLOAD CORRIDOR.LOC
UNLOAD CLOSET.LOC
CORRIDOR.LOC OFFLINE
CLOSET.LOC OFFLINE
CORRIDOR.LOC DELETED
CLOSET.LOC DELETED
The FXI President turned his laptop to face Laster. “Ive, look at this. Something is very wrong here.”
At the same time Laster’s ThinkPad sounded a warning alarm and a dialogue box with a red border appeared on the screen. The color drained from Laster’s face as he read the message.
WARNING: MALICIOUS SOFTWARE DETECTED
LOCATION: MES.LOCAL\\VM1
SYSTEM STABILITY COMPROMISED
RECOMMENDATION: IMMEDIATE QUARANTINE AND REMOTE DEEP SCAN / CLEANING
“What was that?” UC project manager David Kent asked, looking over at Laster.
Miner shook her head, but Laster ignored her. “We just received an alert from our security software. It’s detecting malicious code on VM1.”
Kent’s eyes widened. “Your system is connected to the network that the UC is on. Is there a risk of it spreading to our system? Do we need to shut down?”
“No, we can’t shut down now!” Miner exclaimed, “We are so close to complete success.”
“I can appreciate that Paula, but at the same time we can’t risk bricking the UC if this thing is a threat,” Kent replied.
“It appears to be deleting files on VM1,” Laster explained as he furiously typed commands into his laptop, “I’m trying to see if I can isolate it but I don’t know if I’ll be able to. But if this thing is doing what it appears to be doing, we’re going to lose VM1 soon.”
“Lose VM1?” Miner asked, concern appearing in her voice, “As in the AIs too?”
Laster quickly shook his head. “No. Their files should be protected by the encryption, but if everything else goes down there won’t be a virtual universe for them to exist in.”
Laster picked up his phone and dialed Rea Vorte in the server room. She picked up quickly as Laster set the phone down and put it on speaker mode.
“Rea, are you seeing this?” Laster asked, “We’ve got a serious issue down here.”
“Yes, I am,” she replied, “Ro and I are reviewing the process list right now to see if anything stands out.”
“We’ll work as quickly as we can,” Ro Teether added, “But if the system becomes unstable that could really slow us down.”
The console window continued to add more lines to text to the list.
UNLOAD BEDROOM.LOC
BEDROOM.LOC OFFLINE
BEDROOM.LOC DELETED
“We just lost another room!” the FXI President announced.
“What’s happening?” Sayori asked as she looked over the FXI President’s shoulder, “Are Monika and Sayuri okay?”
“For the moment,” the FXI President replied, “We need to transmit now so we can get them off of VM1 ASAP.”
Kent nodded solemnly as he turned to Medrano. “Lauren, is there a threat to the UC?”
Medrano thought for a moment. “The UC itself shouldn’t be at risk; it runs on proprietary code that only exists in its control system so the odds of a virus being able to attack it are almost zero. What I’m more concerned about are the file servers that we use to store our data logs. Those could be highly vulnerable to a virus that destroys files.”
“Not good,” Kent replied, “Ive, how fast is this thing moving?”
“Hard to say,” Laster replied as he scowled at his laptop, “But based on what has happened so far I’d say we may not have more that a half an hour before VM1 goes down.”
Kent sighed. “Okay. Lauren, what do you think?”
“While I understand the importance of completing this project for the AI team,” Medrano said, an apologetic note in her voice, “And while I’m sure Ive is giving us his best guess on how long we have before this thing might spread, we can’t take risks with our data.”
Laster gave Medrano a look of disappointment. “So are you shutting us down?”
Medrano was silent for a long moment. She glanced at the clock on the wall of the control room before replying. “Let me do some quick checks on our systems to see what our backup status is. Shouldn’t take me more than a few minutes and if we’re lucky you’ll isolate this nasty code quickly.”
“Thanks, Lauren,” Laster said as he turned back to his laptop.
The UC control room had become largely quiet as Medrano worked with her engineers to check the security of their file servers while Laster continued to try to track the malicious code. Sayori, MC, Yuri and Natsuki looked increasingly anxious with each passing minute.
After several minutes, Medrano turned away from her laptop. “We checked our file servers, and our backup process won’t run again until seven tonight, so there is a threat to data that hasn’t been backed up. Out of professional courtesy, I’ll give you five minutes before we have to terminate the connection to your system. That should be enough time to transmit another AI to the UC. I know you wanted all six, but I can’t risk our data so we’ll just have to settle for five.”
“So only one more?” the FXI President asked.
Medrano nodded.
Sayori, MC, Yuri and Natsuki looked horrified as the meaning of Medrano’s words hit them.
“No,” Sayori mouthed silently, tears forming in her eyes.
Laster covered his eyes with his hands for a brief moment as he thought. “Thank you, Lauren. It’s definitely not the outcome we wanted but I appreciate the five minutes to transmit one more of them.”
Miner picked up Laster’s phone, which was still connected to Vorte and Teether.
“We’re going to send one more AI to the UC. Once we confirm that the transmission is complete, move the remaining AI to cold storage.”
“Understood,” Teether replied, “We’ll shut down VM1 as well to prevent this thing from spreading.”
“Are you ready for me to go?” Sayuri asked from the terminal window on the FXI President’s laptop.
Laster turned to the FXI President. “Should I tell them?”
The FXI President shook his head. “I’ll tell them.”
He turned back to his laptop. “There’s…there’s been a problem. A virus appears to be attacking VM1 and deleting files. We don’t know how long we have, but the UC people will only let us send one of you before they terminate the connection. I’m sorry.”
Monika and Sayuri did not immediately reply, but the stunned and scared looks on their faces said more than words.

What's good, everyone? I'm Matthew, you can call me Matt if you like. I'm from Utah County and non-Mormon, so you can see the obvious fun I have dating /S. I'm not making this a sob story; the real reason I'm posting here is that it feels a bit more personal than a dating app. I'm a pretty cheerful, confident guy. I can be a massive smartass and yap a lot, but I can have serious conversations and value communication. So, if you need an ear, I'm game, but do expect the same in return. I tend to be out and about a lot, usually doing stupid stuff and trying not to get hurt or in trouble while doing it. Most of the time, I'm a pro, but there are quite a few stories where I fumbled, lol.
I like to work out. I mostly do calisthenics. I'm admittedly fairly skinny but decently toned. I've also taken up running, but I'm not Usain Bolt, lol. I also play video games, mostly military simulation games like Arma and OHD. I also play platformers like Mario and Sonic, with Sonic being my go-to for my neurodivergent self. I'm big into history, mostly WW2 and the Cold War, and some WW1. I'm actually working on making a Cold War-themed board game.
On top of being a nerd, I do have a sensitive side. I know some of you have probably rolled your eyes, but hey, I like to write poems, and I'm a huge flirt when I warm up to someone. I'm looking for a sweet, caring person around my age and preferably living in the USA. I'm not picky, but I have a huge soft spot for feminine guys and alternative girls. In reality, it's more important that we click, you know? So, if you don't fit those 100%, I'm still down if we hit it off.
As for my values, I'm very liberal and an atheist. You don't have to share my views exactly, but I'm being upfront now to avoid causing issues later. I drink sometimes and don't use drugs. I don't care if you use pot, but anything harder is a no-go zone for me, as my family has some history with addiction. If you want to talk, I'm down to give you my Snap or Discord in DM

I am looking for a lady between 25 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner, training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with an avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or at a football game and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I'm looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus, emotional and intimate compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals and ideally, you do too.
Apparently in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well.
Second, intimate compatibility. I am rather insatiable and love to experiment when it comes to the bedroom, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, this kind of fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. I found the term 'filthy best friends and partners' to be a perfect description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
I’d prefer to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself.
Caveats

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
  
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
  
• I don't want children and had a vasectomy
  
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
  
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
  
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
  
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.
  

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

If you don’t want a genuine relationship please do not bother reading🫶🏽
Hi!! I’m Bev Fave color pink! I am a college student. I like to write poems, I like cafés, fashion and getting to know other people. I wouldn’t say I’m an introvert or social butterfly, but I do get along with most people. I love boba and cartoons!
Appearance: I am 5’4, brown skin, curvy, girly, full lips, dimples and I have two small beauty marks one on the corner of my right eye and on my nose bridge. (Black and Dominican)
I’m looking for someone who wants something genuine. My ideal person is caring, loving, loyal, patient and understanding. I have a soft spot for glasses (It’s weird I KNOW!) my age range is 19-26
If you’re interested please send ur name and a little about yourself🎀

Hi guys,
Love, love, and love. That is all I desire here.
Me:
A Texan through and through, with roots in small towns and residence in the big city. I am currently pursuing a career in health-care as a medical student, and I moved to Chicago for that reason. Finally, I am of South Asian descent, which adds a touch of cultural richness to the mix.
Hobbies/Interests: If we share the same interests, then that is great. It's not necessary, though. I value a connection over shared hobbies.
One of my favorite pastimes is watching movies. I have frequent movie nights. Some showings include: "Inception", "Godzilla Minus One", "The Thing" (1982), "Whiplash", and "Shutter Island". Snacks and drinks are included. Terence Fletcher is mean, but my cooking is meaner. I enjoy exploring various cuisines at restaurants, and I enjoy trying new recipes when cooking at home. A few of my favorite cuisines are: Thai, Mediterranean, and Indian. I balance out the snacking, drinking (virgin), and eating by being active. I frequently run, walk, and lift. You might have seen me running on Bloomingdale Park Trail or walking along Union Park. A few other interests are reading, boardgames, videogames, and learning a language. I love the competitiveness, strategizing, and fantasy involved in boardgames, but I think Robinson Crusoe has the upper hand in those areas. I think it would be fun to have our conversations in another language and whisper sweet nothings to each other. Mon amour. Mahal ko.
Personality:
I am a combination of reserved and adventurous, leaning towards seriousness yet showcasing a playful side when I'm comfortable with someone. I find comfort in being a homebody, but I do emerge from my cave. I strive to go the extra mile for my partner, and I always try to showcase of my love for someone through cards, poems (albeit poorly written), and physical affection.
Physical Description:
My hair cascades in subtle curles at mid-neck-length. I am a fan of the clean-shaven aesthetic, but I occasionally sport well-maintained stubble. My complexion is caramel that is accompanied by dark brown eyes. I have a slim-to-average physique, and I stand at a height of 5'7".
You:
I am searching for someone who values a healthy and active lifestyle, someone who takes care of themselves physically. While physical compatibility is important, I value a shared commitment to overall wellness. Intimacy and romance (sweet sweet love) are important to me, and I like physical affection a lot (a lot). Admittedly, I do like someone that is slightly clingy. It's nice to feel wanted. I would like someone that is vulnerable because it builds a stronger connection. I deeply appreciate the intimacy it fosters. I desire a partner who values companionship and reciprocity, understanding that mutual effort and appreciation are fundamental. I'm drawn to qualities like open-mindedness, calmness, and versatility in a potential partner. A lot of sweetness, a dash of spice, and a little chemical X.
Stuff:
Religion & Politics:
I'm personally not religious. I'm open-minded towards all religious affiliations and welcome the opportunity to learn about different faiths. Similarly, my political stance isn't easily boxed into conservative or democratic ideologies. I value the continuous evolution of my political beliefs, emphasizing independent thinking and the avoidance of polarizing partisan politics.
Kids & Pets:
I've made the decision not to have children. For me, it's about prioritizing my partner, hobbies, and career. I opt not to have pets due to lifestyle constraints, financial considerations, and personal preferences. I simply have no interest in having pets, but I'd be willing to accommodate.

• Consistent communication and a genuine desire to converse are all that I ask. Please. If you're not interested, honesty is appreciated – I won't take it personally.

NOTE: long post ahead, english is not my native lang, i tried my best to narrate as clear as possible.
my best friend and I had been friends since senior HS. i was very well aware of anything that is going on in her life and everything she went through especially with all her past toxic and painful relationships, she is also the same with me .
more than a yr ago, she met through online a guy that eventually had became her boyfriend, at first im not really sure about it (not that is any of my business but only because i care for her and try to look out for her) because she just ended a toxic ldr of 2 yrs, i was a witness of her being broken in all aspects because of this toxic ldr and i’ve felt relieved when she told me she finally ended it and that she’s gonna fix and focus on herself for now but then i just knew that she had entered a new rs again, which i totally respect because that is her life and she’s an adult and probably knows what she is doing, and for me, im just here to try to guide and support her with everything as long as its good for her and she’s happy. btw, i live from a different country with my bsf. me and the bf is in the same country but dif state.
at first, she hid it from me because she said she was thinking of what i may say. i dont really have thoughts for this and didnt expect that she had a thought like this. so i just said “as long as you are happy but please be careful and observant, im here if you need me”. she then said the nice things the guy was doing for her, writing poems for her, giving her assurance, all the good stuff, etc. in other words, treating her the way she is deserved to be treated. they made a group chat with me, all the three of us because my bestfriend wants the 3 of us get along with each other and be friends. i tried to converse with the bf through the gc and everything is moving slowly but ok. the bf then messaged my private dm to talk about my bestfriend on how he loves her and the plans he have for them, like going to the country where my bsf is and also planning to eventually bring her here in the US close to where i live, he said he would want to move where he knows my bsf has someone to trust. the bf and i dont talk regularly and that was just a one time or two time thing.
its been a yr since the gc thing happened after they left my message read. my bsf and i rarely talk now because of busy life but communication is still there and we ask each other hows life, etc etc. so we never break our communication and so i knew that her rs is going healthy and strong, and shes genuinely happy. based from the featured posts my bsf have of their convo, i think the guy is sweet and nice.
recently, she celebrated her bday and she posted a story of a FT recording of her bf that is singing her happy bday with his family, i got so emotional and grateful that she is finally being treated well, i replied to the story and expressed my happiness for her and everything blahblahblah. then so like in the title, i decided to message the bf as well to express a short gratitude message that i was thankful that he made a surprise for my bestfriend and that he is making her happy. the bf replied that, it was sweet of me to say that and he hopes that me and my bsf are still on good terms. i said yes we are still good and talk once in a while. he then left me read.
2 days after, my bsf messaged me that she didnt know that i messaged her bf, i said yeah because of my happiness and gratitude. the mood for this short convo of me and my bsf was light and ok and she reacted a “🤣” to my message but in a good way. the night next day, she then messaged me that she felt weird and uncomfortable that i messaged his bf and that she dont know how close i am with his bf for me to do that. so i explained my side and said sorry if what i did was unappropriate for her and that i just wan to express my gratitude. she hasnt replied to me its 3 days now.
so…. as far as i know. i dont have any bad intention whatsoever. but i want to see what you guys have in perspective.

What Im passionate about:
drawing (semi realism/ abstraction) painting character design hand crafting designing (creating things) writing (poems/ stories/ screenplay) human psychology reading (philosophy) indie game design decorating sketching (anything)
Strengths:
attention to detail good at sketching natural skill when it comes to most art related things a lot of fantasy/ creative can be persuading doesn't give up easily likes giving good advice
Weaknesses:
unfocused/ gets lost easily can be slow with math unorganized bad at memorizing things stubborn/ will only do things my own way problems with procasination runs out of energy quickly when it comes to social interactions hates small talk
Career and lifestyle goals:
How much money is enough?
Enough to keep a family living a standard life without stressing out about money I guess? (I can be really good at saving up) Some guy said $70 000 a year is great so lets go with that (this kind of thing is different for each country though) Its better not to focus too much on money for now.
What type of jobs do you like?
Any job that involves creating things, it makes my existence feel meaningful. (Thats why I've been thinking of architecture for a long time. Buildings last centuries.)
Do you want a leadership position?
I wouldnt mind leading others but I dont really care about that. I would just prefer not to be one of those workers who have to do what someone else says all the time. I want to use my own creativity. Id like working with a group of equals or alone. I like working alone.
Do you want to eventually become an entrepreneur?
That idea doesnt seem so bad, in a way I like it, but it would probably be wayyy too tiring for me. I just want to create things and live a calm life. Constantly networking and thinking about business would be too overwhelming for me. But the idea of becoming an entrepreneur eventually might grow on me with time since it gives off a feeling of independence and like every day will be different, which I really care about. I just know that if I were to open a buisness Id invest all of my time and thought in it which wouldnt be ideal if i also want to live calmly and take care of my family.
As of right now, I've only had Architecture in mind. Although it has many issues, I cant think of anything else. What careers would you guys recommend? (Im 16F)

What Im passionate about:
drawing (semi realism/ abstraction) painting character design hand crafting designing (creating things) writing (poems/ stories/ screenplay) human psychology reading (philosophy) indie game design decorating sketching (anything)
Strengths:
attention to detail good at sketching natural skill when it comes to most art related things a lot of fantasy/ creative can be persuading doesn't give up easily likes giving good advice
Weaknesses:
unfocused/ gets lost easily can be slow with math unorganized bad at memorizing things stubborn/ will only do things my own way problems with procasination runs out of energy quickly when it comes to social interactions hates small talk
Career and lifestyle goals:
How much money is enough?
Enough to keep a family living a standard life without stressing out about money I guess? (I can be really good at saving up) Some guy said $70 000 a year is great so lets go with that (this kind of thing is different for each country though) Its better not to focus too much on money for now.
What type of jobs do you like?
Any job that involves creating things, it makes my existence feel meaningful. (Thats why I've been thinking of architecture for a long time. Buildings last centuries.)
Do you want a leadership position?
I wouldnt mind leading others but I dont really care about that. I would just prefer not to be one of those workers who have to do what someone else says all the time. I want to use my own creativity. Id like working with a group of equals or alone. I like working alone.
Do you want to eventually become an entrepreneur?
That idea doesnt seem so bad, in a way I like it, but it would probably be wayyy too tiring for me. I just want to create things and live a calm life. Constantly networking and thinking about business would be too overwhelming for me. But the idea of becoming an entrepreneur eventually might grow on me with time since it gives off a feeling of independence and like every day will be different, which I really care about. I just know that if I were to open a buisness Id invest all of my time and thought in it which wouldnt be ideal if i also want to live calmly and take care of my family.
As of right now, I've only had Architecture in mind. Although it has many issues, I cant think of anything else. What careers would you guys recommend? (Im 16F)

What Im passionate about:
drawing (semi realism/ abstraction) painting character design hand crafting designing (creating things) writing (poems/ stories/ screenplay) human psychology reading (philosophy) indie game design decorating sketching (anything)
Strengths:
attention to detail good at sketching natural skill when it comes to most art related things a lot of fantasy/ creative can be persuading doesn't give up easily likes giving good advice
Weaknesses:
unfocused/ gets lost easily can be slow with math unorganized bad at memorizing things stubborn/ will only do things my own way problems with procasination runs out of energy quickly when it comes to social interactions hates small talk
Career and lifestyle goals:
How much money is enough?
Enough to keep a family living a standard life without stressing out about money I guess? (I can be really good at saving up) Some guy said $70 000 a year is great so lets go with that (this kind of thing is different for each country though) Its better not to focus too much on money for now.
What type of jobs do you like?
Any job that involves creating things, it makes my existence feel meaningful. (Thats why I've been thinking of architecture for a long time. Buildings last centuries.)
Do you want a leadership position?
I wouldnt mind leading others but I dont really care about that. I would just prefer not to be one of those workers who have to do what someone else says all the time. I want to use my own creativity. Id like working with a group of equals or alone. I like working alone.
Do you want to eventually become an entrepreneur?
That idea doesnt seem so bad, in a way I like it, but it would probably be wayyy too tiring for me. I just want to create things and live a calm life. Constantly networking and thinking about business would be too overwhelming for me. But the idea of becoming an entrepreneur eventually might grow on me with time since it gives off a feeling of independence and like every day will be different, which I really care about. I just know that if I were to open a buisness Id invest all of my time and thought in it which wouldnt be ideal if i also want to live calmly and take care of my family.
As of right now, I've only had Architecture in mind. Although it has many issues, I cant think of anything else. What careers would you guys recommend? (Im 16F)

What Im passionate about:
drawing (semi realism/ abstraction) painting character design hand crafting designing (creating things) writing (poems/ stories/ screenplay) human psychology reading (philosophy) indie game design decorating sketching (anything)
Strengths:
attention to detail good at sketching natural skill when it comes to most art related things a lot of fantasy/ creative can be persuading doesn't give up easily likes giving good advice
Weaknesses:
unfocused/ gets lost easily can be slow with math unorganized bad at memorizing things stubborn/ will only do things my own way problems with procasination runs out of energy quickly when it comes to social interactions hates small talk
Career and lifestyle goals:
How much money is enough?
Enough to keep a family living a standard life without stressing out about money I guess? (I can be really good at saving up) Some guy said $70 000 a year is great so lets go with that (this kind of thing is different for each country though) Its better not to focus too much on money for now.
What type of jobs do you like?
Any job that involves creating things, it makes my existence feel meaningful. (Thats why I've been thinking of architecture for a long time. Buildings last centuries.)
Do you want a leadership position?
I wouldnt mind leading others but I dont really care about that. I would just prefer not to be one of those workers who have to do what someone else says all the time. I want to use my own creativity. Id like working with a group of equals or alone. I like working alone.
Do you want to eventually become an entrepreneur?
That idea doesnt seem so bad, in a way I like it, but it would probably be wayyy too tiring for me. I just want to create things and live a calm life. Constantly networking and thinking about business would be too overwhelming for me. But the idea of becoming an entrepreneur eventually might grow on me with time since it gives off a feeling of independence and like every day will be different, which I really care about. I just know that if I were to open a buisness Id invest all of my time and thought in it which wouldnt be ideal if i also want to live calmly and take care of my family.
As of right now, I've only had Architecture in mind. Although it has many issues, I cant think of anything else. What careers would you guys recommend? (Im 16F)

What Im passionate about:
drawing (semi realism/ abstraction) painting character design hand crafting designing (creating things) writing (poems/ stories/ screenplay) human psychology reading (philosophy) indie game design decorating sketching (anything)
Strengths:
attention to detail good at sketching natural skill when it comes to most art related things a lot of fantasy/ creative can be persuading doesn't give up easily likes giving good advice
Weaknesses:
unfocused/ gets lost easily can be slow with math unorganized bad at memorizing things stubborn/ will only do things my own way problems with procasination runs out of energy quickly when it comes to social interactions hates small talk
Career and lifestyle goals:
How much money is enough?
Enough to keep a family living a standard life without stressing out about money I guess? (I can be really good at saving up) Some guy said $70 000 a year is great so lets go with that (this kind of thing is different for each country though) Its better not to focus too much on money for now.
What type of jobs do you like?
Any job that involves creating things, it makes my existence feel meaningful. (Thats why I've been thinking of architecture for a long time. Buildings last centuries.)
Do you want a leadership position?
I wouldnt mind leading others but I dont really care about that. I would just prefer not to be one of those workers who have to do what someone else says all the time. I want to use my own creativity. Id like working with a group of equals or alone. I like working alone.
Do you want to eventually become an entrepreneur?
That idea doesnt seem so bad, in a way I like it, but it would probably be wayyy too tiring for me. I just want to create things and live a calm life. Constantly networking and thinking about business would be too overwhelming for me. But the idea of becoming an entrepreneur eventually might grow on me with time since it gives off a feeling of independence and like every day will be different, which I really care about. I just know that if I were to open a buisness Id invest all of my time and thought in it which wouldnt be ideal if i also want to live calmly and take care of my family.
As of right now, I've only had Architecture in mind. Although it has many issues, I cant think of anything else. What careers would you guys recommend? (Im 16F)