Recall aurobindo citalopram

I was just prescribed Citalopram for anxiety (10mg). I'm anxious about taking anxiety medication. This will be the first time I have ever tried an antidepressant. I am a former chronic marijuana smoker who's overtly anxious and has also been dealing with substantial brain fog these past few years. My ability to create and recall memories is terrible. This, of course, causes my anxiety to increase and makes it difficult for me to speak confidently with people in most settings.
There are a lot of posts and case studies describing people who experience memory loss while taking Citalopram, but I have found a few studies that suggest it might actually improve memory impairment caused by THC, like this one:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16492387/
I'm curious if anyone else has noticed a change in their memory creation, memory recall, or ability to retrieve words easily since starting Citalopram.
Even if you don't have any experience with THC, I'd be interested in knowing if Citalopram has positively affected your memory in any way.
Thanks for sharing your experiences!

I was just prescribed Citalopram for anxiety (10mg). I'm anxious about taking anxiety medication. This will be the first time I have ever tried an antidepressant. I am a former marijuana smoker who's overtly anxious and has also been dealing with substantial brain fog these past few years. My ability to create and recall memories is terrible. This, of course, causes my anxiety to increase and makes it difficult for me to speak confidently with people in most settings.
There are a lot of posts and case studies describing people who experience memory loss while taking Citalopram, but I have found a few studies that suggest it might actually improve memory impairment caused by THC, like this one:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16492387/
I'm curious if anyone else has noticed a change in their memory creation, memory recall, or ability to retrieve words easily since starting Citalopram.
Even if you don't have any experience with THC, I'd be interested in knowing if Citalopram has positively affected your memory in any way.
Thanks for sharing your experiences!

I’ve been having dissociative episodes in the last 2 weeks. I’ve never had them before (that I can recall). I’m diagnosed ADHD, Tourette’s, OCD, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Taking Concerta, Quetiapine, and Citalopram. No recent changes to medication, except benedryl for allergies.
Like I said, I’ve never had episodes like this, but I’ve had 3 episodes in the last 2 weeks where I felt like I was out of body. Watching myself and others, but not actually experiencing the events. The first 2 lasted about an hour or two and but the one I had yesterday lasted most of the day and were made worse by the hyper-realistic dream I had the night before.
I don’t know what I’m looking for out of this post. I know not to look on the internet for medical advice. I guess it just scared me and I’m hoping someone can help me cope.
Thanks.

Hello. How many people here have found SSRIs, SNRIs and other antidepressant medication ineffective?
I’m in my late 50s, been depressed on and off since I was 16 or so. Have been prescribed tricyclics, Prozac, Sertraline, Citalopram and Christ knows what else over my adult life.
None seemed to make any positive difference, some put me in a zombie-like state cut off from reality such that I thought, I’d rather be depressed. Which at least isn’t my permanent state of mind, maybe 2/3 to 1/2 of my life.
Others made f—- all difference to my state of mind.
Admittedly some ADs I’ve been prescribed induced violent gastric distress (both ends) such that I wasn’t prepared to continue taking them for the required 4-6 weeks before they became efficacious.
But my impression from four decades of trying various prescribed ADs is that I belong to that category of persons for whom medication won’t work.
NB I don’t doubt that SSRIs etc can greatly help some people; I have a couple of friends who are long-term AD users; one says they saved her life and continue to do so. Another says they helped him escape from a severe period of depression some years ago, he doesn’t feel he needs them now but says he’s been taking them for so long he can’t stop.
I seem to recall reading a statistic regarding antipsychotic medication that said 1/3 of people with schizophrenia couldn’t be treated with meds; have there been any studies indicating something similar re. depression?

Age 33
Sex M
Height 5'8"
Weight 180lb
Medications: finasteride, citalopram
Non smoker
Race: White
Location: North America
Any existing relevant medical issues: Nothing really to note, some psoriasis like skin issues
Don't really know how to explain this but ever since I had a cold around this time last year, I've had an ever present feeling of there being a tickle in my throat at night when laying down.
It makes me feel like coughing or to drink water, which unfortunately doesn't do much to curb the feeling. It's to the point where I need to have a part of a lozenge in my mouth to curb the feeling long enough to fall asleep nearly every night.
Maybe unrelated, but don't usually feel it during the day but I have noticed I seem to gag a lot easier and seemingly choke on my own spit, something that I can't recall ever happening in the past.
Normally I wouldn't be worried about something seemingly so minor, but it has been a long time now even with no congestion or sickness present. Is it just something like chronic post nasal drip?

In March 2019, when I was 19 years old and a freshman in college, I went through extensive (expensive!) psychological testing that revealed I had an untreated case of ADD. My primary doctor immediately put me on stimulant medication that spiraled into 5 years of insomnia. I don't believe I had any mental disorders (insomnia, anxiety, depression, ADD, OCD until this point.) Until May 2019, I didn't do anything but take supplements and OTC medication to combat the symptoms. I went days without sleep, going into my finals as a freshman in college on 5 days without sleep. For the first year or two of my diagnosis, my doctor instructed me to keep taking my stimulant medications, of which we tried about everything, assuring me I'd eventually get used to them, and my body would return to its natural sleep cycle. I continued taking stimulants until late 2023, with small breaks in between.
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My sleep never got better. In May 2019, I finally went to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with "stimulant-induced insomnia." The diagnosis was partially correct. I started with Clonidine. It didn't help. I was so far in that I could not sleep at all without the aid of sleep medications. I have taken sleep medication every day of my life since May 2019. I'm 24 now. I can't begin to imagine the damage this has done to me. I cannot fall asleep without taking medication. I have not once fallen asleep since March 2019 without the assistance of sleep medication, which first started with copious amounts of OTC medication, then since May 2019, I haven't fallen asleep (not even a simple nap) without prescription sleep medication. I am dependent. Not addicted, but dependent. And terrified.
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At times, I was prescribed 8 medications at a time to get myself to sleep (keep in mind, every pharmaceutical medication I've ever taken has been prescribed, and I take only the exact prescribed dose). My doctors have switched between thinking I have anxiety, insomnia, depression, and even OCD (none of which were present before my sleep issues and none that required treatment.
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At its worse in 2023, I was taking 45mg Temazepam, 10mg Ambien, 8mg Tizanidine, 3000mg Gabapentin, 20mg Adderall, 120mg Propranolol, Hydroxyzine, 30mg Mirtazipine, 50mg Nortiptyline. All of this to sleep (minus Adderall - I was told to take Adderall to shake off the medication hangover I felt every morning). I still was going days without sleep.
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My sleep finally began to improve in late 2023. I had my first seizure on January 17, 2024, after increasing Wellbutrin from 150mg to 300mg, tapering from 45mg to 15mg of Temazepam, and 10mg to 0mg of Ambien. I stopped Wellbutrin and increased Temazepam to 30mg and Ambien back to 7.5.
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Today, I take 30mg Temazepam, 5mg Ambien for sleep. It's been a miracle to get this far off medicine. I also take 100mg Lamictal and 50mg of Luvox for mood disorders that didn't exist before my sleep issues began.
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Below, I've tried to compile a list of the medications I've taken. This list isn't comprehensive. I've tried to look at pharmacy records and go based on memory for some medications and dates. To the best of my ability, I've tried to recall all of the medications I've taken. The following medications are what I was prescribed that I can remember since March 1, 2019:
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Medication: Amphetamine/Dextroamphetamine Salts
Taken: Various trials approximately 4/1/2019 - 12/2023
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Medication: Atomoxetine/Stratter
Taken: Approximately May 2019 - August 2019
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Medication: Bupropion / Wellbutrin
Taken: Approximately 9/21/2020 - 12/24/2020 and again October 2023 - January 2024 until a seizure 1/17/2024
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Medication: Citalopram
Taken: Approximately 12/26/2019 for several months after
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Medication: Clonazepam
Taken: Approximately 11/4/2019 - 1/28/2020
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Medication: Clonidine
Taken: Approximately May 2019 and again November 2023
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Medication: Desoxyn
Taken: June or July 2019
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Medication: Desvenlafaxine
Taken: Approximately 5/7/2020 - 6/6/2020
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Medication: Dexmethylphenidate
Taken: Approximately 5/29/2021 and again 6/13/2023
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Medication: Diazepam
Taken: Approximately 7/22/2020 - 8/4/2020
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Medication: Doxepin
Taken: Summer 2019
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Medication: Duloxetine
Taken: Approximately 6/19/2020 for multiple months
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Medication: Escitalopram
Taken: Approximately 9/7/2021 - 8/1/2022
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Medication: Eszopiclone
Taken: Approximately 2/7/2023 - 3/9/2023
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Medication: Fluvoxamine Maleate
Taken: Approximately 3/9/2021 - 4/8/2021, February 1, 2024 - ongoing
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Medication: Gabapentin
Taken: Approximately 8/25/2020 - 12/6/2020, Summer 2023 - Early Winter, 2023
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Medication: Hydroxyzine HCl
Taken: Fall 2019 and Summer 2023
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Medication: Lamotrigine
Taken: Approximately 12/26/2019 - 2/20/2020, January 2023 - Ongoing
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Medication: Lorazepam
Taken: Approximately 1/25/2021 - 2/4/2021
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Medication: Luvoxamine
Taken: Approximately 12/28/2021 (not sure when I stopped this)
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Medication: Methylphenidate Hydrochloride
Taken: Approximately 4/26/2019 - 6/6/2019
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Medication: Mirtazapine
Taken most of 2022
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Medication: Nortriptyline HCl
Taken: 3/7/2023 - September 2023
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Medication: Propranolol
Taken: Approximately 4/8/2019 - 1/15/2024
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Medication: Quetiapine
Taken: Approximately 1/30/2020 - 5/5/2021
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Medication: Ramelteon
Taken: Summer 2021 and again in summer 2022
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Medication: Saphris
Taken: Multiple trials in 2019, 2020, 2022
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Medication: Temazepam
Taken: Approximately 3/29/2021 - 3/3/2022, 2/17/2023 - ongoing
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Medication: Tiagabine Hydrochloride
Taken: Approximately 1/19/2021 - 2/18/2021
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Medication: Tizanidine Hydrochloride
Taken: Approximately 9/14/2021 - 4/3/2022, 6/6/2022 - 10/6/2023
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Medication: Trazodone
Taken: Approximately 6/26/2019 - 11/2/2019
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Medication: Viibryd
Taken: Approximately 7/12/2020 - 9/28/2020
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Medication: Vyvanse
Taken: Approximately 5/7/2020 - 6/6/2020
​
I'm surely missing at least a dozen others and may have the dates mixed up for a few, but this gives a sense of what I've taken for the last 5 years.
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I am sorry for the long post. I don't trust my doctors after what they put me through, and I hope you all may have advice. I'm not taking the blame off myself. I had chances to stop medications or say no, but I was naive and stuck with it. I've been desperate to sleep for so long. I'm in a state of dependence I never know if I'll recover from. I don't know what to do.
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TLDR; I've taken copious amounts of medications over the years for insomnia. The sleepless nights and cocktails of medications worry me about what I've done to my body and brain. In September, my doctor suggested I try Vitamin D, Methylated Vitamin B, Zinc, Magnesium, sunlight, and exercise to recover, but I feel this isn't enough. I do all of this, of course. I also follow strict sleep hygiene and eat well. I do all the basic "self-help". I'm not looking for lifestyle changes - I've made almost all the basic changes. I've also greatly reduced my medication doses over the years and simplified my regimen, but this gave me a seizure. But want to reverse any damage as best as possible and prevent further damage. I don't respond. d well to supplements (even long-term use doesn't seem to affect me), but I haven't tried everything. I am grateful for any advice this group may have to help me in this situation. I want nothing more than to get off prescribed medicine and get better.
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Hey, reader! I'm glad you're here. Text marked Spoiler is just extraneous information, so don't be afraid to reveal it if you're curious! P.S. I am writing a short—currently 24 page—book on my experiences at the psych ward. I am willing to share it with inquiring individuals! Leave me a comment, or private message me! 

Background from Previous Posts:
I have Major Depressive Disorder, Generalised Anxiety Disorder, and Autism. These were respectively diagnosed by my long time family doctor, and one of my country's experts in autism screening.
I had, at the time of this event, been taking 20 mg citalopram for 4 years, and I believe it worked perfectly. However, I experienced drastic mood swings whenever I forgot to take it. 9 months ago, I left my medication at home and refilled it to the wrong address (which prevented me from refilling it at my current location), sending me into sudden withdrawal. I was experiencing extreme anxiety, uncontrollable shaking, and the aforementioned drastic mood swings.
I then made the worst decision of my life: deciding to voluntarily check myself in to a psych ward, as I felt out of control. I told the nurse I was seen by that I had been reputably diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and autism, and I needed to take the citalopram I brought with me.
A doctor saw me for roughly 5 minutes, over a video call, and diagnosed me with “severe manic bipolar I disorder with psychotic features” (I was only told this once I went over my discharge papers with a new doctor. I have never had psychotic features, whatever that means, and I only experience these drastic mood swings when I forget to take my—low dose—antidepressants). I vividly remember her suggesting to me that my gender identity (she asked what I was, using that phrasing, and I simply responded "transsexual." I should not have done this, I should have lied or said it was none of her business) was a symptom of my mental illness, which I vehemently denied. This doctor decided to put me on 30 mg of Olanzapine, well beyond the maximum recommended dose.
I was never informed of my new diagnosis or what the doctor was treating me with. I was not in my right mind and wasn't thinking clearly. I thought I was in a safe place with experts I could trust, so I took the pills they handed me.
The medication made me sleepwalk and hallucinate* while I was on it, but I still felt like my normal self. I could talk friendly patients' ears off for hours about my special interests, I still had a wide range of emotions, I wrote in a journal every day I was there, I had motivation and interest in the crafts and gym activities, and I was excited to get out and see my long-term boyfriend and my emotional support cat again.
I stayed on the medication for 2 months after I was discharged, until I could go back home and see my family doctor for help safely weaning off of it. While I was weaning off, I experienced extreme anxiety and restlessness. I told a friend that I felt as if I was constantly on the verge of a panic attack.
At 4 months completely off of Olanzapine, I didn't even feel alive. I felt like a husk of my former self. My emotions were blunted and I was unable to laugh or cry. I had fallen out of love with my boyfriend, who I was practically obsessed with. My cognitive abilities were extremely diminished, it felt like I was incapable of thinking. I had lost all interest in my hobbies and felt no joy when I engaged in them. Alcohol, marijuana, and caffeine had no effect on me. I was in a constant state of unease, and my legs were restless (possible akathisia).
I used to be able to write 12 page research papers in no time at all, and I then struggled to complete even reading response assignments with a minimum of 200 words. Important aspects of my personality meant nothing to me anymore. I used to be able to talk for hours about topics like religion and gender, then I couldn't think of anything at all to say. When I would watch movies, as soon as a line was over I forgot what was said. I had trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, and sleeping past 6 am.
My life felt completely unliveable, and I was losing hope of ever getting better. I completed the OneOme genetic testing, and I planned on starting one of the medications the results would suggest. I had a referral to see a neuropsychologist, but it was too far into the future to be useful.
^\I now highly suspect those events actually occurred. I can expand further, if curious.)
In my experience, whoever said “it takes one month to recover for every week you were on a medication” in a comment somewhere on this subreddit is correct. I was on 30 mg olanzapine for exactly 7 weeks and 3 days. It took me roughly 7 months and 2 weeks to fully recover (that's when I decided to make the first recovery post).
Additional Information:
I have recently learnt from inside sources that there have been multiple patients who were admitted solely for being autistic or transgender, and that concerns have been raised to the boss, to no avail. These inside sources had no direct contact with the patients.

"A lot of my patients have written stuff like 'I'm being held against my will' and 'I was put here for being disabled.'"

Some Psych Ward Experiences:
On the second day of my admission, I told a nurse that I felt better already and I needed to be discharged. She told me that my request would not be possible, as the doctor was not there. I demanded daily to be discharged and continued to receive the same answer. I don't remember at what point I stopped asking, but I was held there for a week.
While there, not only was I taken off of the antidepressant I was on successfully for 4 years, I was taken off all of my meds related to hormone replacement therapy (which I had been on for 2 years with absolutely no problems or complaints)! No amount of my explaining and pleading that I needed to take them changed that. I was misgendered on my discharge papers, despite my legal sex being updated on all of the identification they saw, and making sure no one directly saw my genitalia. The nurses and doctors, more often than not, called me different gendered variants of my updated, legal name. The patients always referred to me by my correct name.
An old man who had been living in the psychiatric ward for multiple months, as I was told by other patients, had been looking in my and multiple young girls' rooms late in the night. I immediately ran to tell a nurse when I first noticed this. I asked around the next day and learnt this had also been happening to multiple patients, and nothing had been done about it. The nurse I spoke to explained it away as him forgetting that my room wasn't his anymore. Given that this was happening to multiple patients for multiple days, I am inclined to not believe her.
One evening, while being watched by a doctor to make sure I took my medication, I asked "you know Sheldon Cooper?" She said something to the effect of not liking that type of comedy, as it relies on making fun of vulnerable individuals. I agreed, said he was bad autistic representation, and incorrectly quoted him: "I'm not crazy, I've been tested" >! (the actual quote is "I'm not insane, my mother had me tested") !<. She clearly disapproved of this.
​
Dose Comparisons:
20 mg Citalopram Hydrobromide/Celexa®
An antidepressant of the Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI) class. “For depression: [a]t first, 20 [mg] once a day, taken either in the morning or evening… the dose is usually not more than 40 mg per day.” [1]

I was taking 20 mg Citalopram at bedtime for roughly 4 years.

Effects Experienced While Taking:

• Drastic mood swings, following a missed dose

I began consuming cannabis during my fourth and final year of taking it.

• Mild seizures after smoking copious quantities of cannabis, chiefly through the use of a bong.

According to the lone witness of these handful of incidents, I would suddenly become unresponsive and begin shaking. When I came to, I would have no memory of the event and would feel as if no time at all had passed.

Effects Experienced After Ceasing:

• Heightened anxiety
• Mood swings
• Uncontrollable shaking

30 mg Olanzapine/Zyprexa®
An antipsychotic medication, used to treat psychotic conditions such as bipolar disorder and schizophrenia.
“For treatment of mani[c] or mixed episodes with bipolar disorder: [a]t first, 10 to 15 [mg] once a day. …[T]he dose is usually not more than 20 mg per day.” [2]

I began taking Olanzapine on April 4, 2023, and had finished tapering off of it by May 25, 2023 (7 weeks and 3 days). My doctor(s) at the psychiatric facility had me taking one 30 mg pill two times a day (I believe, however it may have been split into two 15 mg pills): once in the morning/afternoon (I can’t remember exactly. It made me concerningly drowsy during the day), and once at night.
I begged the nurses to change my dose schedule because I believed the drowsiness was interfering with my safety (I didn’t feel safe in the psych ward, and I wouldn’t be able to defend myself when necessary if I was knocked out on drugs).

Effects Experienced While Taking:

• Hallucinations (uncertain, I now highly suspect those events actually occurred)
• Sleepwalking (on roughly two occasions, I woke up in the early hours of the morning and attempt to brush my teeth with my boyfriend's toothbrush, knocking over toiletries on the way. When questioned, I would have no memory of doing this)

Effects Experienced After Ceasing:

• Alcohol, caffeine, and marijuana have no effects anymore
• Blunted emotions
• Complete inability to think of things to write or say (to the point of complete silence when spending time with friends, and agonising over empty Google Docs for multiple hours)
• Constant, overwhelming, un-ignorable state of unease (not infrequently on the same level as terror, or impending doom)
• Inability to feel love or happiness/joy
• Inability to laugh or cry
• Loss of interest in activities previously found interesting
• Loss of sense of self/personality
• Severe insomnia, complete inability to sleep past 6 am
• Uncontrollably restless legs (likely akathisia, commonly treated with Propranolol)
• Weak memory/memory loss (when watching movies, as soon as a line had finished being said, it was forgotten)

​

3 months and 12 days pass since the creation of this Note, and I have made a full and demonstrable recovery

​
Proof of Recovery:

• Ability to deeply experience love
• Ability to get drunk (suspected/likely/hopeful ability to get high)
• Ability to laugh boisterously
• Ability to sob and ugly cry
• Ability to think of many things to say, and ramble
• Ability to write well, and be proud of what was written
• Highly improved (even from baseline) ability to read, remember, and understand what was read
• Regained full range of emotions
• Regained interest in activities once found to be interesting
• Regained strong sense of self/personality
• Significantly lessened insomnia, ability to occasionally sleep for 12+ consecutive hours

Symptoms Remaining at 7 Months off of Olanzapine:

• Occasional slightly restless legs
• (Possibly normal, yet frustrating) memory blanks/Event Boundaries (see below)

"Entering or exiting through a doorway serves as an 'event boundary' in the mind, which separates episodes of activity and files them away… Recalling the decision or activity that was made in a different room is difficult because it has been compartmentalized.” [3]
​
Current Medications:
Sertraline 50 mg
Sertraline belongs to a group of medicines known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs).
"For depression: [a]t first, 50 [mg] once a day, taken either in the morning or evening. [T]he dose is usually not more than 200 mg per day." [4]

I currently take this medication once, at bedtime, and began taking 25 mg on October 31, 2023. My dose was then increased to 50 mg on November 13, 2023 when I indicated that it was working, but I was still experiencing symptoms of depression. Since increasing my dose, I have noticed a significant decrease in depression and a complete cessation of suicidal thoughts.
This medication is similar to Citalopram, which has worked for me in the past. Optimistically, I do not experience mood swings following a missed dose.
I have not consumed cannabis since starting this medication, however, it has shown significantly less interactions with the drug.
I am not sure how much it has aided in my recovery, but I am planning on testing that by weaning off of it once done with college for the year. I do not want tapering to interfere with my academics.

Propranolol 10 mg
"Propranolol 10mg tablets will help to reduce physical anxiety symptoms including:

• Sweating
• Flushing
• Fast heartbeat
• Fast breathing (hyperventilating)
• Shaking or trembling" [5]

"Propranolol is a beta-blocker medicine, which helps to reduce the symptoms of anxiety, including sweating and shaking. It doesn't treat the feeling of anxiety, only the physical symptoms that come with it." [6]

I began taking this medication when I began weaning off of Olanzapine under the care of my trusted family doctor. Since starting, I have noticed a significant decrease in akathisia symptoms. I take this as needed for restlessness related to akathisia, and I usually take it once at bedtime, when my restlessness is most noticeable. At the beginning of my olanzapine taper, I was taking it 3 times per day (at breakfast, lunch, and bedtime), and it occasionally, counterintuitively, gave me severe migraines related to the resulting low blood pressure.

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Edit: formatting

After multiple failed attempts I’ve somewhat successfully weaned and have not taken anything for approx 7-8 days I can’t remember which. It actually hasn’t been too bad in comparison to previous times where I’ve literally done the exact same thing in coming off or attempting to. Anyway I am so incredibly tired. I am normally able to be out of bed and on my second coffee by 6 but I am finding I am so groggy in the morning I am finding it so difficult to pull myself out of bed. My 6 and 7 year olds are capable of getting up on their own grabbing a snack and watching some tv until I am up but school starts in a few weeks and I am worried about how I will cope. I will cope because I have to. But wondering if anyone has experienced this? Around lunch time I am finding the same thing extreme tiredness something I don’t recall experiencing. I’ve been on Citalopram/Celexa for ten years at 40mg so I can only assume this will last a while. Not really sure what I am asking, more so just venting to others that may be in the same boat.

So today I got my first prescription after 7 years off of citalopram (10mg for 2 weeks then 20mg after that.
Im a freelance creative and whilst I’ve probably had a good year in terms of exposure; the financial side has left me an anxious mess. I’m guessing it’s the aftermath of companies being kept afloat over Covid and not being able to sustain. Anyway it’s hit a few of my regular well paying clients hard and in turn has left me a bit short and it’s been taxing to say the least.
I have been what I call ‘raw dogging’ life since coming off them in 2016 and instead relying more on the therapy and holistic side (exercise, yoga, walks, meditation etc) and it hasn’t been enough considering the year I’ve had.
Took my first dose this morning and immediately wanted to go back to bed but have fought it. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I can’t remember what it was like to begin with first time round but I do recall my emotions being more levelled out and focus being better when on them. I’d like to hear some stories as this subreddit seems really encouraging and wholesome :)
TIA and I hope everyone’s having a great holiday season!

my gf stopped taking citalopram (she took it anout 5-6 months) and due to migraines was switched to Nortrliptyline (not sure about the dose now but she takes 3 pills of it) and Amitryptiline (minimal dose now i think)
She takes them about 5 weeks. She admits she feels less romantic love, that she has to remind herself to say things like "i miss you i love you", she completely lost interest in sex and its...so so hard and weird because she used to be very touchy and had high libido and now she is completely different. She doesn't miss it because she can't recall how it felt.
She seems to be unstable more than before, is anxious a lot. She thinks about selfharm... yet her doctor doesn't want to change the medication so far. I don't understand why but maybe there is a reason... she only recommended to take higher dose of Lamictal which my gf takes about 2 weeks.
I told my gf before that she could try to lower her dose of Ami (carefully ofc) and it helped her! But now she is scared to lower her doses more because coming off citalopram cold turkey probably traumatised her hah. She just doesn't want to think about it cause it all really messed her up.
I don't know what to do and i don't know how to help her. It's not about the sex, tho i miss it, she has trouble even enjoy kissing me. Even though she lost much of her loving side, she still loves me very much and shows it. She just feels kinda like a different person. I am scared how long this will take...if it was only about sex, i would understand it, but she almost completely lost her romantic side and it seems like the meds dulled the good emotions but the bad emotions are intense still.. ugh i myself struggle with depression and idk what to do anymore. i just want her to be better.

I'm scared it might be early signs of Alzheimer's...
Me: F 57 100kg/168cm Autistic Bipolar II high blood pressure asthmetic
Meds: Omeprazol, Quetiapine, Foster, citalopram, Amlodipine, Zopiclon
Recently I had shingles. Still recovering from that.
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Yesterday a friend of several years was at my house. I wanted to write something down, including her name and I couldn't think of her name.
I find posts and commands on Reddit and elsewhere of which i have no memory.
I am getting soooo clumsy. Everything keeps dropping out of my hands and I keep running in to stuff, breaking toes and all.
Tons of times I don't remember why I am at a certain place or what I was doing. I though I had a peppermint left. I don't recall doing something and try to do it again, then finding out it was already done. Stuff like that. On a daily basis.
Short term memory is really getting problematic. I have to write so much down to get around through life properly.
My hands are shaking when stretched out. Also when writing and stuff
My grandmother had Alzheimer's. Does it have a hereditary component? I'm scared to death these are all early signs of Alzheimer's. I feel like something is thoroughly wrong with me. What could it be?
Please help me.
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Sex f
Height 168cm
Weight 100kg
Race Caucasian
Duration of complaint months
Location Europe
Any existing relevant medical issues see above
Current medications see above

My spiro was changed from amneal to aurobindo, i read people mentioning bad reactions on that like acne coming back and stuff. Im not sure if thats cause of it being less effective or cause of your body being used to another manufacturer’s ingredients especially inactive ones.
Have others experienced bad reactions or it just not working when either starting on aurobindo or switching to it? And same thing with amneal? Is it possible for one manufacturer youve been on the whole time to just stop working as well for you?
And is aurobindo supposed to be overwhelmingly minty smelling and tasting? Like a breath mint almost? Amneal i think used to be like that for me but either something changed, it wore off, i got bad batches, or im too used to it that i cant smell or taste it, the mint in amneal was more offputting if i recall. Is it concerning if the amneal is no longer minty even from a fresh bottle?
I know manufacturer stuff depends on the person but i havent heard anything positive about aurobindo so far being mentioned aside from one person so i just want to ask

24f, 175cm 60kg caucasian, 10mg citalopram daily since 2017 for ocd
Hi all, last week was the first time since 2017 that I couldn't recall if I took my meds or not. I'm usually good at it but I went to a concert and my daily routine was thrown off. I didn't take it (again?) and since its a low dose I'm not sure if I would feel it if I missed a day.
Now my question is: if it happens again, would it be better to skip it and possibly not take meds for a day or take it and risk taking 20mg a day? I used to take 40mg in 2018 so I know that my body could handle 20mg, just unsure of what would be the best option

Hi folks.
I have been on/off various meds since about 2009. My most recent was Citalopram but it was doing nothing for my anxiety, some undesirable effects as expected but I felt I was slipping.
I spoke to a GP a couple of weeks ago and she was very supportive and suggested I give sertraline a go. I have now been on 50mg for 2 weeks and I appear to be less anxious and sleeping better which is great.
On the flip side I realise Citalopram must have been doing a lot for my depression as everyday in the last 2 weeks has been emotional roulette. It’s as if there was a wall keeping all the negative emotions away and it’s come crashing down. On top of that my appetite is so poor that even the thought, smell or sight of food when I’m not ready for it makes me 🤮.
I don’t recall taking this long to not feeling like complete crap with previous medication, but I want to stick with it as it does seem I’m heading in the right direction with anxiety.
One thing that might not be helping is that I relied on my best mate a lot to stop me spiralling over the years. He didn’t really know he was doing it to be fair but I have told him and he knows how much I value him. As I changed meds he started a relationship so I’m in a weird state where I no longer get to hang out with my key support as much and don’t want to have to rely on him/burden him. I don’t do well with change as I’m sure is the case for most. I’m hoping when these kick in it will be ok.
I appreciate these can take a long time to kick in but currently it’s very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have a review next week and not sure whether to accept an increase or hold off.
How have people coped with similar whilst waiting for it to kick in fully?

I just wanted to throw some positivity out there this morning, in case anyone needed to hear this.
I've been on effexovenlafaxine since May 18th of this year, starting with 37.5mg XR and slowly tapering up to 150mg (75mg x2 daily). I take it for BPD/EUPD and C-PTSD.
I think my biggest improvement is definitely in my anxiety and the severity/frequency of my mood swings. A week after I upped my dose to 150mg I went into the city centre with my metamour and didn't feel anxious at all. It was really nice and honestly I was just excited about spending time with them and picking outfits for drinks with my friends later that night. I'm cooking a big meal on Sunday that I've only done a handful of times before and I i have a first date on Tuesday coming up and honestly.. I feel really good and confident about it. I feel "normal person" nervous about it all. I can't recall ever being simply nervous and not so anxious I'm throwing up and contemplating cancelling the event.
My mood swings have also decreased in frequency. It feels less like diving off a cliff into depression or flying up a mountain into euphoria and more like a leisurely stroll, which gives me an opportunity to think about the best way to manage the inevitable lows and highs. This is a really big thing as intense and frequent mood swings was something I really struggled with in the 6 and 8 years after both of my diagnoses.
I will be honest and say that I definitely need to add an antipsychotic because I do experience hallucinations and paranoid ideations that venlafaxine simply does not help. I'm also not keen on what it's done to my appetite and sense of taste - I have ASD and a lot of my safe foods now taste odd despite there not being a recipe change, and I'm hungry but with very little appetite so I find I'm having to force myself to eat some days just so I don't feel grim all day.
Aside from that, I'm really glad I've been doing so well because I've previously failed on 5 other medications (citalopram, sertraline, fluoxetine x2, mirtazapine, amitriptyline) and I was losing hope. I really hope this encourages others to take the first step into trying effexovenlafaxine, I promise it's not all horror stories.

"Ms. Zhang, were you aware of the effects of the drug administration device you were using on the morning of November 11th, 2144?"
Li Zhang, still a little bit tired from a hectic morning before being called in for questioning, was sitting on the small chair and doing her best to keep herself calm.
"I mean, it's just one of those multi-pharma bracelets. I'm not really sure; until that morning, I hadn't thought it was anything different than what all my friends and family had. Maybe a different manufacturer, but that was about it?"
Investigator Trihx put both sets of hands on the table, his claws scratching the metal quietly in annoyance, but he could see that Ms. Zhang wasn't the type to jailbreak one of these pharm-bracelets for something like manufacturing an artificial and dangerous high. They were those out there of course who would do their best to break the systems, making then deliver whatever cocktail they pleased, and those were the ones he tended to be worried about. You never knew what combination someone would stumble across that would hype them up out of their mind, send them into a violent rage, or just straight up kill someone.
The medical investigations group at this precinct was usually fairly uneventful, but every once in a while there were snippets of excitement. Such as what happened the morning of November 11th, 2144.
"Do you recall the settings you were using on your bracelet at the time, Ms. Zhang?"
She cocked her head, thinking, and murmured "I think it was just the normal stuff. A low dose of some aspirin, some citalopram for my depression, an estradiol/finasteride cocktail, and I think maybe there was a trace of melatonin from trying to get some sleep earlier. Nothing exotic, nothing off-world."
He nodded. He already knew all this, having pulled the diagnostic off of her pharma-bracelet on the morning of the incident, but it was still good to confirm that she wasn't being dosed with something unexpected.
"Well, we think we have a pretty good idea of where the issue may be coming from. These bracelets operate on very thin margins and could be very sensitive to artificial fluctuations. If you inject yourself with something extra through a manual syringe, it can often throw off the sensors and result in a feedback loop."
"No, nothing like that. I'm already not a huge fan of shots, so no way would I want to take anything extra. Hell," she said, "the pharma-bracelet was supposed to help reduce the amount of shots I needed. It was one of the reasons why I was so eager to get one."
The inspector pulled up a notification he had received a few days ago, fully a week after the morning of the incident.
"I'm assuming you had not received this alert either ?" he asked.
Li leaned forward and shook her head, murmuring "I wonder if that's why it happened."
The alert was for a recall for that particular brand of pharma-bracelet manufacture. Apparently it had been linked to a number of overdose deaths several systems over, although of course the recall notice had been sent through normal subspace rather than the much more expensive hypermail. As a result, the recall took months instead of hours to reach them.
"It was very unfortunate about the people who had died from the overdoses, but you not only didn't die but have appeared to have suffered no long-term ill effects?" The inspector's face had disbelief written across it.
Li shrugged. "I mean, I felt crummy the next day, and I had a headache for a couple of days, but yeah, other than that, nothing."
Trihx pulled up the readout from the details of the recall. "It says here that the problems arose from the default settings of the pharma-bracelet being applied to all drugs and inventory. Unfortunately, it was originally used for a human condition called…'Beetus'?"
Li piped in. "Probably 'diabetes.' It is, or at least was, a relatively common acquired or inherent human condition. Now it's less so, but I can still imagine there's quite a market demand for it."
He wrote that down as a note on the margins before continuing. "Well, in any case, it looks like the problem arose from the fact that the default settings for this 'diabetes' is to release the hormone in question when it appears the body is already releasing that same hormone. Unfortunately, for other species, we don't really over-produce much of anything, and so it looks like there were multiple vital organ failures from hyperproduction and saturation of the chemicals when their bodies just couldn't handle it."
She shrugged, and just chalked up as another weird thing that humans were an outlier on.
"The pharma-bracelet I see was collision-protected as well, right?"
"It seemed like it was going to be a small cost to upgrade, and I thought it was worth it. I know cars are so safe nowadays, but you never know."
"I see," said the inspector. "The product information said this particular type puts out a hardened layer over the skin to protect from abrasions and blunt force trauma, rather than the older quick-inflate versions. Some kind of chemical compound using one of the delivery microchannels to provide the hardened coating microseconds after impact. Only lasts a few seconds, but I suppose that's all you really need in that sort of scenario."
Li winced, feeling the ache in the scabs over her knuckles where the coating hadn't managed to fully prevent all of the damage.
"So, would you like to tell me what happened that morning?"
"Well, as I had said in the initial report, I was taking my son to school. We had been crossing the street when we saw his bus was coming."
"That was on Arcturus Street, and it looks like here the record shows you were jaywalking rather than using a crosswalk."
Li nodded guiltily. "Yes, we were in a hurry, and I didn't think we would have time to make it to a crosswalk."
"Well normally this wouldn't be that big of a problem, except for the vehicle that was coming crosswise at you."
She nodded. "That's true: the truck came out of nowhere. I thought we looked both ways, but it came out of nowhere."
"Yes, an armored hovertruck belonging to the Empire of the Sweeping Arm Bank. So I'm guessing at that point you had a split second where you were quite frightened."
"Oh, for sure," Li said, "But the main thing I was worried about was my kid. In that split second all I wanted was to protect him."
"Well…" the inspector said, drawing out the word as he pulled open the portfolio of pictures taken at the incident. A significant dent had been made in the front of the vehicle, and there was a clearly-visible crack in the armored plating fully all the way up the vehicle's roof and partway down the back adjacent to the doors.
"Well at that point the drug administration softwares had kicked in, matching what it looks like you humans call 'adrenaline,' and produced a dose far in excess of what humans would normally produce. Mostly, the thing I'm not understanding is it already says that the reason why it gave you such a high degree of a dosage was that it was matching your blood levels, and your levels were far in excess of the average human adrenaline response."
Li nodded, but her eyes drifted up through the windows of the conference room and out to her son, who was sitting idly, kicking his feet on a chair in the lobby and playing on his communicator.
"Well, mothers respond a little differently when our kids are in danger."
Inspector Trihx nodded slowly, as if he understood. He had been born from an egg and had never met the queen in person, so he couldn't really relate. Still, he could understand that for many species there was a much stronger maternal drive than his own.
"So yes, it looks like your pharma-bracelet system provided not only the high drug dosage, but also the protective coating to your hand as you struck the vehicle."
Li nodded again. "I just remember pushing out, hoping to protect us. I didn't really expect it to work, and I was pleasantly surprised when it did. But I was still so freaked out and stressed that-"
The inspector cut in "-That's when you punched forward again, striking the vehicle. I hope you're aware that it did total the vehicle, cracking both the vehicle outer body as well as denting a number of core parts within the antigravity generator of the truck. The bank has agreed to not press charges for your jaywalking," and as a side he added "Probably because they were also caught doing double the speed limit in that particular zone."
This caused Li to gasp in realization, and then slowly consider the new information before shrugging.
"Well, I'm not injured in any significant way, nothing that I think I'll have to worry about, so I suppose that's fair."
The inspector nodded, bracing himself. "So I think that just leaves us with the question of what we want to do with that pharma-bracelet."
"Oh that silly old thing? Yeah, I think I just threw it away after the incident." She spoke quickly, and the inspector narrowed his slitted eyes. For a moment, she refused to meet his gaze.
"Ms. Zhang, I have to remind you that this is a dangerous device, and could pose a risk to everyone nearby if we don't have it in our possession so we can safely disable it and destroy it."
Li nodded, half listening to the inspector's words as her gaze came back up again to her son. "I don't think-" She paused, then began again.
"I must say that in my particular case, it protected me and my child, and just happened to take advantage of the fact that some engineer somewhere did a math problem wrong, and that math problem complements human physiology pretty damn well. I'll keep your request in mind, inspector, but until then is there anything else?"
The inspector sighed. "That is all. I'll be in touch if anything else comes up, but until then you're clear to leave."
"Thank you sir," said Li, and she stepped out to greet her excited child, tossing him in the air with a swirl as they discussed going to consume frozen dairy refreshments.
The inspector sat in the room for some after, going over the paperwork. The one thing that had startled him was seeing just how quickly Li had been able to respond, and how quickly the drugs had saturated her system before she struck the blow at the truck. The readout from the pharma-bracelet device was saying that her pulse rate was at 210 beats per minute on average for the entire incident. That already had him in disbelief, as most creatures going above 180 on their circulatory primary circulatory organ would result in cramping, catastrophic failure, and typically death.
But his eyes drifted again away from the average BPM, and towards the spike. In the moment before she had struck, the readout was saying, if these he could believe it, 440 beats per minute. At that point her heart would have been less of a pump and more of a hum, something flooding her entire system almost instantaneously with this illicit combat drug that humans managed to skirt around regulations by virtue of the fact they produced it naturally.
He closed the report with a single line. "I do not believe Ms. Zhang was acting inappropriately or in any sort of illegal fashion, but I would request that this be added to the records: That in case it was already not painfully aware, under no circumstances get between a human mother and their child."
If you enjoyed this, check out DarkPrinceLibrary for more of my tales!

Update day 12:

• Feeling good. Optimistic, neutral, not overly anxious or emotional. I seem to be a bit forgetful of words/things I am trying to recall in convo, however I also don't feel like I care! I consider this a good/helpful effect as I tend to often hyperfocus in an unhealthy way on things I have no control over.
• Noticed a slight ability to focus on one task better (unintended effect recorded with Wellbutrin for depression in studies). entirely in the next 2 weeks, see how I feel and go from there!
• No dry mouth/throat.
• Sex drive seems slightly increasing but could be due to stage in my cycle (mid 30s woman
• definitely had decreased appetite almost immediately starting day 2 lasting til day 10. I notice I'm hungry by my stomach aching, and haven't been having prior craving for seeets, only minor craving for salt. I have started to feel some normal hunger pangs in the morning last 2 days which is relieving as I read some folks lose their appetite entirely which is very dangerous.

I have also been tapering off the citalopram 20mg->10mg first week and last 3 days ->5mg, I think going from 20 to 10 in a week was too fast even at low dose and combined with switching drugs may have led to the moderately low feelings I had. Overall I am excited to continue and get off citalopram for sexual function, weight gain and overall drug mediocre function.

Hi! I truly appreciate everyone elses experience shares leading me to decide to try bupropion and so I thought I'd pay it forward and contribute my own as best as I can.
meds history: I've been on citalopram/celexa before for 1.5 yrs(2014) and recently for 6 months(2023) for depression/anxiety when I was at dire/end of life thought-processing. both times due to a ton of external stressors and an already susceptible Seasonal Affective Disordedepression/anxiety brain.
Brain recovery history: I've done a crapload of counselling of all kinds, somatics, talk therapy, dance, DNRS/brain rehab, direct neurofeedback intesives, QEEG scans, trained in concussion symptom management, addictions management, you name it I've probably tried it... so for me to resort to the standard medications means I'm really struggling and my massive toolbelt of skills and qualifications is just not cutting it AND THIS IS PERFECTLY OKAY IF THIS IS YOU TOO!!
I've done a lot of research since on other types of antidepressants and as I had run out of this brand of citalopram thought what the heck lets try wellbutrin/bupriopion as I liked what I had learned abou this med. I had also seen patients, in a previous career, who were taking it with great success. so I asked my doctor and he was fully supportive in taking bupropion[generic].
so now I'm on generics of both 150MG XL and 10mg citalopram - taken in the AM.
I've had the following symptoms/experiences on bupropion:
noted: since day 3 my appetite has severely declined, not reaching for snacks/sugar the same as I was before, also have had some nausea/digestive changes minor.
day 1: nothing in the day, nighttime dry mouth/throat but not as expected: more my upper nasal/pharnyx, poor sleep/needing to drink watehoney every 1/2 hr due to the dry/hoarseness feeling like I was almost choking due to lack of saliva?
day 2: some head fog, not really hungry, had a lot of emotional family shit to deal with/homeless potential/not being received as they had promised so that was hard to take, and emotional I'd say due to that not the drug switch. overall a nice day with a friend by the river and some good food that evening that I heartily ate. had 2 meals.
day 3. emotional, poor communication on a friends part around housing and the previous days family issues/rejections led me to further confusion and resulting depression spiral/suicidal feelings, again this is unlikely due to the bupriopion but I thought I'd write so others may understand as it has been said many many times over: it takes time for these drugs to work! the environmental & external emotional factors in our lives often has a huge impact on us, more than we are willing to admit at times. appetite suppressed/could be due to the stress again not the drugs! had 1 meal
day 4: spaced out, went for a walk and napped, some nausea/not too bad, just not really hungry, maybe a bit dizzy/didn't feel I would trust myself to not drop an item? hard to explain, couldn't really function 1+1=?, quickly felt overwhelmed at the thought of problem solving my current life issues, so I put that to rest. small snacks only
day 5: sort of fuzzy/out of it, able to get myself together to drive back to my main campehome, I had been in my car for the past 3 nights, chatted with a family friend about all that is going on in my life, I poured my heart out, it felt good. i felt a bit lighter, had 1 meal.
day 6: woke up very tired, but rallied to get a couple of things done, car repair and a doctors appointment, bags under eyes, just feeling worked over mentally/physically but despite that able to push onward/maybe this is the bupropion? not feeling too emotional or anything, just tired but also able to look up phone plans, accomplish my 2 important big tasks of the day and relax/not stress so much about the finances/home situation. had 1 meal 1 snack.
** usually I have breakfast + lunch whole/complete and snack or full dinner. my appetite can decrease when stressed, but this is different it feels like. so I will update again and hope it levels out as I don't want to entirely suppress my appetite!
thought I'd include my SSRI (citalopram) symptoms report here too as this may help someone/reason for switching to bupropion:
SSRI Negative symptoms both times around:
appetite/snacking increased maybe 25%? I eat generally very healthy but the sugar craving I usually have definitely increases on citalopram, weight gain about 13lbs this time, (10-15lb avg I guess for me?) I notice I am much softeweight the most I've ever weighed, also haven't been exercising other than walking, so I'm out of routine. This happened the first time I was on SSRI as well, about 6 months after coming off citalopram the first time I was exercising normally/not too much! and by a year my weight/muscle tone was back to normal. The weight gain isn't a bad enough symptom to come off the meds - to me my mental health increasing is the most important thing of all and as a result I will start exercising more, I can already feel I am inspired to again after 6 months on citalopram (both times 6 months seems to be around the time I felt inspired to get my body moving properly again after severe depression) So if you're ready to give up on it due to minosuperficial symptoms I suggest sticking with it as the med professionals say! I've been told by a mental health doctor previously to stay on mental health meds for 1-1.5 yrs to fully integrate the brain chemistry changes, and I firmly believe this is the way.
decreased sex drive (both common for SSRI I've learned)
I did try zoloft for 1 week and I had extreme insomnia/night sweats/worse suicidal thoughts so I jumped off that and didn't try anything else (2021)
SSRI positive symptoms:
feeling more inspired, motivated to eat, beating the depression thoughts, I know mental health meds typical don't start working right away/previous times took 4 weeks approx. but this recent time in 2023 winter I swear this name brand from mexico started working IMMEDIATELY, or maybe my serotonin was just that low... could be both! anyhow within a day I was smiling again/laughing by day 3.. and I had been really bad for a week before, 1 month leading up to it. 4x major traumas beyond my control led me there.
TLDR: Soo yeah I am just about up to 7 days on bupropion, first timer. Dry mouth first night/lots of stress in life in recent few days, overall feeling slightly more positive today/no end of life thoughts today thank goodness, able to get some tasks done.
Again, I really appreciate/enjoy reading everyone elses experiences thus thought I'd share my own while also including the dire straights/issues I am facing WHILST changing medications. ** also I realize changing meds in a space of upheaval is not recommended however so many minority folks deal with this daily as their basic needs [shelter-food] are not met, so one must do what they can and adjust to meds while dealing with all of this. My current medication had run out [citalopram/non-generic] and it was bought while I was living in mexico, I am now returned to canada and due to unforseen circumstances[mechanical issues] taking longer to get back to canada I had almost run out of my last months supply of SSRI - I had ordered enough but alas life! so I would highly recommend anyone else switching/adding meds to stick with your OLD med/decrease using that one while you switch/add your new meds, to make the transition even smoother. I have had issues in the past switching from brand name citalopram to generic and having the severe withdrawl brain zaps within 36 hours of the switch.
​
Hope this helps someone. <3

Two Fluoxetine pills in 2000 (adverse effects upon cessation unremarkable/unclear);
Citalopram for approximately four weeks around Aug 2009 (cannot recall if was even taken at all but pretty sure that I did). Adverse effects upon cessation again vague;
Citalopram for ten months ending Jun 2020 (low and ultimately zero libido upon stopping, unreliable erections, watery semen, weak orgasms, longer refractory period, genital numbness, shrinkage, hard-flaccid, soft glans, mild short-term memory problems, blunted emotions, no motivation, anhedonia and avolition).
Some of my symptoms (especially pleasure derived from activities and soft glans syndrome) either worsened recently or have appeared anew, despite stopping SSRIs three years ago and having only experimented with maca, fenugreek, magnesium and L-tyrosine since then.
As I seem to have taken Citalopram in 2009 with no notable ill effects and then the same drug again ten years later, I feel that PSSD in me is immune-system related, in the way that allergies come about after being exposed to the allergen at least once before. Where this theory falls down as an explanation for all cases us that for some PSSD occurs after only one exposure.

This is me finally coming around to share my story. Brace yourselves, as it'll be a rather long read.

Backstory

I'm Marc (name's actually Marcelo, but the nickname is how I go by and have been for over a decade) and I'm 29. My parents died in a car crash when I was 4; relatives took me and my sister and we were subjected to abuse, mainly psychological. When I was 14 my sister married I went on to live with her, and eventually that came to be a somewhat of abusive and traumatic experience in its own ways as well.
In mid-2012, when I was 18 and working my first formal job, I went to a neurologist with complaints of persistent headache and an unbelievable degree of daytime sleepiness along with hypersomnia. No matter how much sleep I got, it was never enough; that constant feeling of sleep-deprivation sapped my energy and motivation and, in addition, probably due to napping during the day, I was having multiple episodes of sleep paralysis. After requesting some brain imaging and related exams, with no relevant findings, I was left with a prescription for citalopram, which I bought at the pharmacy on my way home. It was totally confusing for me later on when, upon reading the package insert, I found it was an antidepressant. That made little sense to me at first, but considering I had been avoiding leaving home and/or doing things I previously enjoyed due to my symptoms, it made sense to me to make an appointment with a psychiatrist. Only then I was taught about depression and its forms, was formally diagnosed, and left with a script for bupropion. A totally different experience than simply leaving the doctor's office with a prescription with zero explanation about it.
The trial with bupropion went rather terrible: excessive anxiety, jitteriness, tachycardia, worsening of tinnitus. A month and a half later, I decided to quit it and it crossed my mind to try the citalopram I had at home. A rapid and noticeable improvement ensued, and I continued taking it for some 2 - 2.5 years. Eventually, it pooped-out and would no longer work at all, despite dosage adjustments or whatever other tricks we experimented with.
That was the beginning of a LONG saga. I'll post a full list of drugs that I've tried along the years in a comment under this thread.
At the end of 2015 I visited a new doctor, hoping to break the cycle of trialling one SSRI after another as that made little sense to me (and I know many of you can relate). This doctor upgraded my diagnosis to "treatment-resistant depression" (TRD), also called refractory depression, another concept most of you guys who've come to this sub are familiar with. He put me on mirtazapine and venlafaxine, later replaced by desvenlafaxine - per my request, and we augmented with modafinil, a drug that had previously been partially successful for my depression as it was comprised essentially of neurovegetative symptoms.
I remained on this regimen for just under 2 years, when, bringing up once again a long suspicion of ADHD, I got a diagnosis for that and was prescribed lisdexamfetamine (Vyvanse) to take instead of modafinil (he also put me on fluoxetine in place of desvenlafaxine).
The response to all of the drugs mentioned in the previous paragraph was rather inconsistent. They all seemed to work fine, even great for some time, and then their effect vanished - many times this was linked to stressful life events, but not always. Lisdexamfetamine in particular was noteworthy for turning my life around in the beginning, and then bringing about unparalleled anxiety a few weeks in, even worse than bupropion years back. In 2018, having moved to a new city and now under the care of yet another doctor, I eventually replaced it with methylphenidate/MPH (Ritalin) and that went much better for the ADHD symptoms in isolation - not for depression.
At some point in 2019, I came to further re/define my depression as atypical. That led me to do some serious research into MAOIs, and among other sources, this post from the Slate Star Codex in particular motivated me to try and find a psychiatrist that would be willing to put me on one. I wanted to try phenelzine/PLZ (Nardil), but soon found that it was not sold in my country. Importing was not an option at the time as it'd be prohibitively expensive, and so I asked for tranylcypromine/TCP (Parnate) instead. With some resistance, he actually prescribed it for me, although not in my first visit. And that was the beginning of Long Saga: Part II.
TCP appeared to kick in for me since the very first day, and I quickly became more active, motivated, and hedonic. My memory was back, and so was my will to live. My brain seemed to be back to its full capacity once again. I came back to enjoying old hobbies, such as volunteer programming, and playing the guitar. Sleep, however, was an issue. I had been on mirtazapine and methylphenidate (Concerta) right before initiating TCP, and decided to taper down the mirtazapine, feeling it was making me restless and worsening my tinnitus.
A sad fun addendum. After quickly checking the Drugs.com online interaction checker, he doctor had me sign a waiver that I were instructed to stop both mirtazapine and MPH before initiating TCP. I tried to argue that it was not needed, but he held his view. Even sending him some material from Gillman and Stahl, and some papers I collected here wasn't enough. Since I was the patient and felt in position to take the risk, I went on without discontinuing either drug. Coming back to the next visit, he felt personally disrespected, angry even; dismissed me as his patient, and was quite convinced I risked death by continuing to not follow his advice.
It appears that, to this day, I still seem pretty much alive!
I remained on TCP for some two years (until August 2021) and that was a very erratic timespan. My response to it wasn't consistent at all - i.e. I kept cycling between periods of "very well" or "normal" and periods of depression, often severely disabling, with major cognitive impairment. Fair attempts at adjusting the dose were made, from 10-20mg up to 40mg a day, and augments such as NAC, lithium, clonidine, nortriptyline, mirtazapine, and others were tested. It just would not stabilize; nothing seemed to settle things down.
Then, at some point mid-2020, I came across the notion of the "'mood spectrum" or bipolar spectrum, and upon assessing my family history, past treatment responses and other details, it became clear to me that what I had was not, in fact, "unipolar" TRD (or, in formal terminology, Major Depressive Disorder), but some form of bipolar disorder instead. At the same time I was assigned a new doctor and voiced my hypothesis; being familiar with the concept, he agreed with me and we began steering my treatment in that direction.
By now it's fully figured out, btw. I have: Bipolar disorder (BD) type 2, with atypical features (i), with mixed features (ii), with rapid cycling (iii), without psychotic features (iv), and with anxious symptoms (v).
This symptomatology, and variations thereof, happen to be, by the way, what I find many patients who are formally diagnosed with "depression and anxiety" and are treatment-resistant actually have. I've been practicing as a volunteer independent psychopharmacologist for some time now, helping people around (in a similar fashion to Dr. Gillman), and this framework has helped many people I came to know and assist.
Just for completeness, my other diagnoses are: ADHD-combined; C-PTSD (owing not only to my childhood history, but also to going through some traumatic/abusive relationship experiences of various forms, such as prolonged ghosting - to give just one example - and, probably chiefly among all, due to facing severe financial shortcomings as an adult, all while dealing with the onset of bipolarity); and finally, delayed sleep phase disorder, a condition that often comes hand in hand with ADHD (and sometimes BD). These were all findings/diagnoses of my own, later to be validated and addressed by doctors of course.
A final note before we go ahead: Looking back now, it's clear to me that the rapid and marked response I had to citalopram in 2012, as well as with lisdexamfetamine in 2017, and then with TCP in 2019, were all clearly hypomanic episodes. Also, the anxiety, agitation and unease induced by many drugs such as bupropion, venlafaxine, sertraline and fluoxetine, and the ocasional impulsiveness with modafinil, among many other signs, were mixed episodes, as were instances of abnormal irritability during treatment with TCP (and escitalopram before that). So, these were all features of BD.
I remember bringing a concern to my first psychiatrist back in 2012, who dismissed bipolarity; this repeated in the years ahead as I asked at least two other doctors what their thoughts were about my problematic response to classic antidepressants. Even when I asked for lithium, all I got was a low dose indication, as an augment to my antidepressant, instead of standard doses for BD.
This had me convinced to the point that, right before going to the new doctor to try and get TCP, lamotrigine had been suggested to me by another doc, but having read that "Lamotrigine for Major Depressive Disorder Is Inappropriate", I didn't take her seriously nor I bothered getting it at the pharmacy.
Finally, I arrived at this sub in late 2019, and got to exchange knowledge and experiences with great folks. I also soon became a moderator here and got to participate in the MAOI WhatsApp group. This put me in touch with really great people, and by last year (2022) I decided to run a small crowdfunding among some colleagues to finally be able to try phenelzine.
One awesome silent benefactor, whose actual name, age and gender I still don't know to this day, was kind enough to donate me a couple of bottles of Nardil from Lupin, brought to my country by a friend of mine who happened to be visiting the US at the time by coincidence.

Reaching remission

Prior to starting PLZ, I had been on lamotrigine 125mg plus valproate ("VLP" / Depakote ER generic) 500mg, and MPH (Concerta + Ritalin), with ocasional mixed episodes and rare "pure" anxiety manifestations, which I controlled with olanzapine and diazepam, respectively. Do note that I was no longer on TCP; having ascertained it kept me on rapid mood cycling in a manner similar to the one described here, and noticing I was as good as, if not better, on the two anticonvulsants/mood stabilizers alone.
When getting the first bottles of Nardil, I started at 60mg (4 tablets) and was able to do away with the valproate in the same day.
Its effect over anxiety was immediate. I was calm, tranquil, laid back. My voice was different, and people noticed it. I did experience a significant level of dissociation, although it was not really unpleasant and I was still able to function and talk to people and so on. I reported that in my thread Anyone find they no longer need ADHD stimulants after starting phenelzine?. That subsided within a week, thankfully.
I soon began taking quetiapine/QTP (Seroquel) - 50mg at night - and it helped a lot with sleep, while also reducing the occurrence of mixed states. Its potential excessive daytime sleepiness was offset by lamotrigine, which I dialed down to 100mg in divided doses. I played with dosages a bit (how to distribute drug doses along the day) and ended up finding what seemed to be ideal regimen.
Precisely two weeks later, I increased the dosage to 75mg (5 tablets) and, by entering week 3, I was depression-free. The feeling of experiencing actual "normality" was exciting. It was a different experience than that of TCP - I didn't feel under the effect of some drug, it was just a "normal" sensation. The lifting of depression brought about by PLZ was clean and transparent. My memory and cognition were once again brilliant. I was able to process information quickly and efficiently; answer questions, and make decisions. My sleep schedule became stable. I cherished playing around with my pets (two cats, two fancy rats at the time) and once again, came back to old hobbies, such as soldering and fixing electronics and playing music in the computer. I came back to walking outside everyday, to get some daylight, able to pay attention to traffic, look people in the eye and compliment them, and to be overall mindful of my surroundings.
In fact, writing all this reminds me of the film Limitless (2011), whose protagonist's life is turned around after taking an experimental revolutionary drug. The irony is that, in my case, such a revolution resulted from a drug that was approved six decades ago!
People sometimes say that when they first begin taking phenelzine (or other MAOIs) they go through a sort of "almost hypomanic" phase. Let me just take a moment to state that I don't like this description, as there is no such a thing as "almost hypomanic" IMO and it confuses people. Now, how do I know this wasn't all hypomania? First off, I was still sleeping my usual, healthy 9 hours straight. This alone discards the [hypo]mania hypothesis. Furthermore, I had great emotional control, and wasn't impulsive at all in terms of spending money and managing my time - quite the contrary, actually.
This period of awesomeness went on until I ran out of the phenelzine from Lupin, and had to replace it with the Erfa stock I had bought. For those who don't know, Erfa is the distributor for Pfizer phenelzine (manufactured in the US) in Canada. Some people suspected that, but as the bottle seal is Pfizer's, that's how I know for sure. It's the exact same drug. Folks report it to be less effective, for reasons mainly related to its inactive ingredients and also its coating. In my case, however, that was the least of the problems, as my parcel arrived in a bad condition: partially degraded, smelling like phenylacetic acid, probably due to heat exposure during shipping.Turns out the pharmacy I bought it from didn't ship to Brazil; I had to ask a cousin who lives in the US to get it for me at his address and then post it through USPS.
From the day as I replace my PLZ from Lupin to Erfa, a significant relapse ensued. The potency of the medicine was greatly diminished and I was pretty much bedridden during that period. But, about two months later, another very kind friend I made was able to donate me more bottles of Lupin, and when that arrived, it once again took me three weeks for the full antidepressant effect to kick in and I was again fine and well, or mostly anyway.
Another, longer relapse came by when I switched brands of quetiapine, at around October last year - I used to buy it from the pharmacy, from a trusted manufacturer, but due to strenous financial difficulties, being unemployed since June because of my seriously aggravated health situation back then and having been denied social insurance, I applied for a government program that provides some essential medications for free. The brand is, however, less effective than the one I had been buying and my mental health worsened without me realizing. It wasn't until 3 or so months later that, upon checking notes, I figured that must have been the cause of this second relapse and, being able to purchase some QTP from the previous brand with the help of another great friend, I quickly became better again. This was a dark period, during which I re-experienced previous trauma ^\C-PTSD flashbacks and reinforcement)) due to money issues and relationship frustrations. Oftentimes these left me paralyzed and hopeless, I slept on the floor some nights, and resorted to paracetamol/acetaminophen to ease the emotional pain (look it up if curious - it really works).
Anyway, with the original regimen restored, I was doing alright again, even despite changing from Lupin to Greenstone phenelzine, until I eventually ran out of it. The surrogate protocol I devised, based on TCP 25mg, didn't go well at all: I found the hard way that going up to 50mg was needed. 120 pills of vigabatrin ended up costing me a lot, and didn't do much in terms of approximating PLZ's anxiolytic efficacy. At any rate, though, when I ran out of my first package, unable to purchase another, I presented to the ER with absence seizures and had my first ever (and only, I hope!) panic attack. So thankful I wasn't alone at home.A few days later, I found that valproate (divalproex, 500mg) gave a better effect than vigabatrin.
The combination (TCP, olanzapine, valproate, quetiapine, methylphenidate) allowed me to survive until I got a couple more bottles of Greenstone Nardil sent me by another colleague. I use "survive" here because it was quite a hell-ish experience, of which I have little recall of. My brain was at like 20-30% or so. To make matters worse I had to endure some rather harsh events such as an eviction order and the loss of one of my beloved fancy rats, Lentil. When Nardil arrived, though I did a hot swap (from 50mg TCP to 75mg PLZ) and, thankfully, this time around it actually kicked in faster.
To make an addendum, this time I maintained the valproate, but only half a pill (that's effectively 250mg) (and yes, I know Depakote ER pills aren't supposed to be cut) and found this pretty much erradicated any occurrence of mixed episodes, further increasing the potent anxiolitic effect that Nardil provides at low to moderate (but not high) doses. Valproate is a GABA-T inhibitor much as phenelzine's metabolite phenylethylidenehydrazine/PEH. PEH is formed in the gut but this depends on some free MAO to be available there, which is why a person taking 90mg of PLZ won't have the same anti-anxiety potency as someone at 60mg (who, in turn, will have a lower antidepressant effect).
And by the way, this is what's behind the difference in effect among manufacturers. Lupin's coating is much more gastro-resistant than PfizeErfa. This causes less of PLZ to reach the gut, as a larger portion of it is metabolized in the stomach into phenethylamine/PEA.
And we arrive at now. I'm once again out of phenelzine, it'll be a month by next Friday (July 7). I prepared by keeping some TCP around and when the time came I jumped to it at 50mg. Took me a couple of weeks to figure out an ideal dose distribution through the day as well as how much olanzapine I should take it with. The fact that I also ran out of Concerta 3 days later and had to endure a week taking multiple doses of Ritalin through the day to try and mimic it didn't help also. (That was sorted eventually.) Right now I'm back to the surrogate protocol, and find myself in a sort of chicken-and-egg problem: I'm unable to work without Nardil as I'm not functioning well, and I can't purchase Nardil as I'm not working and don't have the money for it. In fact, my Parnate will run out this week as well and I still don't have the funds to buy more. But that's another beast entirely.
And there we have it. A remarkable response to phenelzine (in combination with other drugs, which I shall detail separately) after 10 years of severe, disabling bipolar depression that has destroyed so much in my life and held me down so hard. I can't access it right now due to cost $$ but am confident to figure out a way soon. I'm pleading for the federal government to assist me with it, it's a court battle - so far not favorable to me due to an "expert" report that's 31 pages of BS and the supposed "expert" is not even a neuro/psychiatry specialist - she's an... acupuncturist! (!!!).
Now that I know that it's possible to live fully, instead of just surviving as I've been doing all these years, and had a fair glimpse into how a happy and fulfilling life can be, I no longer indulge in thoughts of "letting go" as I did so many times in the past (and here too, I know many of you relate). I will find a way through and get back to my optimal treatment scheme again. I'm confident I will accomplish the things in life I've longed for since way back, and more. If you read my account this far into and it resonates with you, I like to think that you, too, will be made whole again as much as me somehow... if not more!
P.s.: I'll be adding two posts below this and, of course, I'll be happy to answer any questions you have.
P.s. 2: This is day 2 since I've been functioning somewhat decently. I actually began writing this over a week ago!
[Edit] P.s. 3: Forgot to mention. Atypical depression has this pervasive symptom called "sensitivity to interpersonal rejection", and, contrary to all other symptoms, it doesn't fade much or go away even during remission in most cases. It does, however, with phenelzine. In my case anyway. It's the one and only drug to ever have that effect on me, which is why I think it's so singular.

June 15th I decreased my dose by 2.5mg from 20mg to 17.5mg. There may be some side effects but it’s hard to tell because I feel like crap any way. I think I felt better at 10mg than 20mg that’s why I’m tapering. I’ve been on 20mg since December.
Yesterday I think I started to have brain zaps. All of a sudden, I get a stabbing pain on the left side of my head. Sometimes it’s one after another and other times it’s hours with none.
I know brain zaps are common, but are they always in the exact same spot or something else is going on here? It’s between my left ear and my left temple.
I plan on decreasing 2.5mg again in about another week.
What’s been your experience? I was on citalopram more than 4 years ago and don’t recall any zaps.
I’m also making 5% decreases off mirtazapine which pooped out on me long ago and giving me some nasty symptoms. I started decreasing it back in April. My dose now is 4.16mg. I cut this every 10 to 14 days and it’s not around the decrease in citalopram.
The citalopram helps me sleep and calms me down but sometimes it feels too stimulating so that’s why I’m going back to 10mg. According to genetic testing, I should be taking a lower dose anyway. I think most of that testing is BS but this may be right!
Just wondering if anyone else has had this experience.
Thanks people!

34, F, 5'5", 220lbs, Caucasian.
Existing issues: depression, anxiety, ADHD
Meds: citalopram, bupropion, buspirone, methylphenidate when needed, semaglutide
Drink: recreational drinking (a drink a week or less, though I party once every couple months and get drunk but not blackout drunk)
Smoke: no
Drugs: no
Complaint: I feel like since I hit my late 20's or so, my brain is steadily degrading. It doesn't trip me up in daily life, but it's really unfortunate to me anyway. I don't have the classic dementia signs of getting lost in familiar places or whatever, but I do find that I can't really remember most details of conversations I've had even in the recent past, and I don't recall the details of plots of movies and books even relatively soon after I've experienced them. I clearly form new memories, it just feels like I"m not sharp anymore and that details disappear. If I concentrate and use mnemonics, I can remember stuff more easily, but for most of my life, this wasn't necessary.
On top of that, I think my learning ability is just lower now. Again, not sure if this is because I'm not a sharp 20-something anymore, because work stress is way higher than stress when I was younger, or because there's actually something wrong with me. It takes me longer to learn new things despite in general being a pretty smart person.
My depression and anxiety issues have been around since I was a little kid, and they were untreated back then, so I'm not sure I see a correlation there. I had an incredibly easy time learning as a kid, was extremely smart for my age, and went to a very good college where I got B's with some A's. But now, 10 years into my career, I feel like my brain has just quit on me, that it has decided it's not doing any more work and is instead going to drift through every day mostly failing to register stuff around it. I do lots of things on autopilot.
My ability to find the correct word in a sentence is the most concerning change. I noticeably, but not super often, have trouble finding the right word. It's on the tip of my tongue, but it won't come out, or I mispronounce it several times before finally getting it right. I know others do this too, and I've seen it happen in them, but I do it way more often. It's not constant, but it's enough that I see the difference between myself and others.
Should I be seeing a neurologist or something?

23F, 5’7”, 130lbs. Diagnosed with GAD and depression.
I have taken citalopram years ago when my anxiety wasn’t that severe but enough to make life challenging. I don’t recall any adverse side effects. I eventually stopped taking it as I didn’t feel like I needed it anymore.
Well, fast forward a few years.. my anxiety is the worst it’s ever been. I’ve never had panic attacks up until this point in my life. Naturally, I knew it was time to get back on medication. I went to my PCP and let her know what was going on. She started me on 10mg of citalopram.
I have taken it twice now. Yesterday, the first day, wasn’t awful but it wasn’t great. A bit restless, dizzy, anxious. Today, around 30 minutes ago, I had the worst panic attack I have EVER had. Trembling, screaming and crying that I needed to go to the ER, vomiting, dizzy. After throwing up a few times, I’ve calmed down significantly but I just feel so off. Is this typical for some people? I know these kinds of medications can often get worse before they get better, but there is no way in hell I can manage a week let alone several going through this.