You may have wondered why there is such a multiplicity of takes on how to serve the Creator, how to know the Creator. The answer to that, my friends, lies deep within the history of your planet, deep within the minds of its people. You have, among you on Planet Earth, sixteen different archetypal minds. They vary in seemingly small ways, yet the cultures produced by these archetypal minds vary widely in the way perception works. And it is according to the perception of people that they must work within the veil, veiled from memory of other incarnations for the most part, veiled from memory of the way things are outside of the veil. Various archetypal minds, various cultures, have found different doors of perception that work for them.
The perception of those such as the one known as Y has found useful is a perception that does not accept the reality of third density in the physical illusion. This is radically different from, for instance, the typical perception of those within the American culture or the European culture where great respect is given to the solidity of life, its mass and weight and physical characteristics. Your culture has found great value in coming more and more to understand how things work from the standpoint of chemistry, physics, mathematics and so forth.

Those who are able to develop the kind of realization that frees them ultimately from the bounds of the physical are those who have grown up breathing in the air of belief in the reality not of this illusion but of the Creator. It is indeed bewildering to many who are in the European or American cultures to consider that their bodies, their obviously physical, obviously present bodies that have weight and mass, might not be real. It is a matter of perception. Those growing up where value was given to the physical illusion would not tend to be capable of opening those doors of those masters of the Far East. This does not mean that those who focus according to Buddhist or Hindu principles have less opportunity or more opportunity to open the gateway to intelligent infinity. It means that their perception of what they are doing varies, sometimes radically.

We will say this, my friends, there are ways in which individuals steeped in a culture that supports the unreality of physicality will find, given a lifetime of work in consciousness, to be able to manipulate matter so that it appears and disappears. You have seen in those who demonstrate hypnosis that if the perception of a person changes, actions can be taken that would seem to harm that person, such as running a needle through the arm or walking on coals that are burning embers. Yet under the influence of a hypnotist, a hypnotized person feels no pain at the stick of the needle, feels no burning as he walks over fire. It is a matter of perception.
Original link : https://assets.llresearch.org/transcripts/files/en/2011_0219.pdf

Long-ish post. Lots of detail.
I'm relatively new to the game, looking for some tips. I've been doing research on builds and sets the last few days (ranging from looking at build guides to reading old Reddit discussions about various sets) for my solo character, and I have some ideas, was looking to see if I'm on the right track, or if I need to reevaluate stuff.
First, some info:

• Stamina Nightblade
• Nord race
• Vampire (generally Stage 1)
• I prefer melee combat but am willing to put ranged on my back bar
• I have Mirri built as a healer
• My bars mostly follow Allcast's Stamblade group DPS setup, with some minor tweaks for my personal playstyle and some added healing

I know that's not optimal, but I enjoy it. My RP is as a Nord Vampire assassin, and I do a lot of criminal content, so the vampire is there to stay. As it's a solo build, and therefore hurts no one but me, I plan to work around the drawbacks rather than change race or remove vampirism.
I'm mostly looking for advice on sets, traits, and enchantments. I've purposefully excluded any dungeon or trial sets from my considerations (other than a monster set) as I'm trying to build my gear before trying to take on that sort of harder content.
Currently, this is what I'm considering:

• Battlefield Acrobat - dagger, dagger, battle-axe, ring, ring, necklace
  
  • Weapons: Absorb Health, Infused
  • Jewelry: Increase Physical Harm, Robust
• Ancient Dragonguard - heavy chest, medium legs, medium boots, medium gloves, light belt
  
  • Heavy Armor: Stamina, Reinforced
  • Medium Armor: Stamina, Infused
  • Light Armor: Stamina, Infused
• Iceheart - medium head, medium shoulder
  
  • Medium Armor: Stamina, Well-fitted
• Mundus - Thief
  

Reasons:
Battlefield Acrobat - I've been having some sustain issues, which is mostly my fault as I'm not very adept at my rotation yet, but I'm improving, however being a vampire definitely isn't helping that. This set would mitigate that, while also giving me some recovery, and (if old posts are still correct) reducing costs for other actions like breaking free. It doesn't seem to be widely used, but it seems like it would be good for my specific situation.
Ancient Dragonguard - To me, this set seems like it's designed for solo play. Comments said it's a good starter set, and it will add both survivability and damage. Because it's crafted, I can also capitalize on the variable weights to put the heavy on chest and light on belt. It seems like a perfect choice to me.
Iceheart: Comments about solo monster sets seemed to heavily point towards this one, and I think I can see why. It'll add both some damage and survivability, my only question is if damage shields can stack? Or would running this alongside Cleave (and morphs) be redundant?
Thief Stone: I was considering Shadow, for danage and survival, but unless I am mistaken Critical Healing cannot occur on HoTs, so I wouldn't get a ton of value out of the heal boost, so I'm going all in on damage for this one.
Thoughts? I think it's a relatively solid and easy to get starter build that I can use to farm better gear, will keep me alive as I get more proficient in my rotations, and overcomes some of the drawbacks of my roleplaying choices.
Happy to answer any questions.
Edit: Reformatted part as it didn't turn out the way I wanted visually.

Hi, pretty long post, just want to share my story as reading all of yours has helped me these last few weeks, f(28). After Thanksgiving 2021, so early-mid December (I was 26 at the time), I somehow herniated a disc. Before this happened, literally right before, I was hurting with what I think was a pulled lower back muscle (hurt to sit and lay down but pain was only in my back right side and rest helped, something I dealt with several times in my life starting in like 7th grade, drs always said it was a pulled muscle). After about a week it was feeling better so I decided it was safe to roll onto my right side to sleep. Well, after that I started experiencing pain all down that side, I also had some tingling and slight numbness in my foot and ankle. It was bad enough that I wasn't comfortable for more than 20 minutes, standing was the least painful, lucky to sleep 3 hours at once even though I'd wake up in horrible pain, basically always in tears from the pain and discomfort. I went to the dr after a few weeks and was told it's sciatica and he referred me for an mri, gave me some kind of shots and ibuprofen. I don't remember what the shots were but they took away all of the pain for 8-10 hours and I was able to get some much needed sleep. One may have been toradol but I got a shot of it the day of my mri so laying on my back during the scan wasn't too uncomfortable, and it didn't help much.
About 2 months after my symptoms started, I finally got the mri and it showed a decent sized herniation. I don't remember exactly where it was in my low back, but I was then referred to a neurologist who evaluated me and suggested ESI, he was fairly certain it would get better on it's own and I wouldn't need surgery, he said it may or may not decrease in size as well. The ESI worked as far as I can tell, but at this point it had been about 3-4 months of healing on my own using heat, stretches, and ibuprofen and the pain was mostly gone, lingering around a 2 at it's worst, but 0 after the ESI. The tingling in my foot and ankle had gone away and I was slowly getting back to normal. Aside from the occasional leg muscle cramps and discomfort laying on my right side, I had been pain and symptom free for about 2 years. I went on vacation in June last year, we did a lot of walking and even a steep hike. I worked for a year and a half in a dispensary, on my feet a lot as well as bending, squatting or leaning down, lifting heavyish totes. I had no pain or symptoms from this. I was hopeful that it had healed up and I was going to be perfectly fine, but I was still mindful of my back. I quit working last year in September to go back to school, since then I had been generally sitting or laying most of the time doing homework, of course I still helped around the house and went out to do stuff. I just wasn't moving nearly as much as when I was working. I had also gone on a trip to Seattle in September where we walked almost everywhere. Again, no pain or symptoms.
That takes me to earlier this year, about late February or early March. I was doing alright, then I noticed my hips feeling a little sore, starting in the left then later on the right, like a toothache or a pinching feeling in the sides and sometimes front. I felt it most when laying on them at first. It also felt sore when I pressed certain areas on the side. It felt like my thighs or hips were a bit unstable, if that makes sense. I did stretches, no difference. One night, during a shower, I leaned down to move a bottle on the floor and felt a very slight twinge in my lower back. Still no back pain or symptoms down either leg though. I also had been randomly waking up with pain and stiffness in my right foot and ankle that would go away after walking on it. Naturally, all this scared me and I started sleeping only on my back with a pillow under my knees, no longer sitting cross-legged or with my legs tucked beside me on the couch, making sure I wasn't slouching and getting up every hour to walk for a few minutes, generally trying to take care of my back. I'm also sitting to get dressed right after most showers because of my hips and I'm nervous my legs will give out. I made a dr appointment early April and he suggested PT for my hips, he wasn't worried about my back or doing any imaging.
I started PT April 15th. She evaluated my hips, had me do some stretches (most were laying down with my knees bent, putting pressure on my low back, I'm wondering if this caused my situation) and gave me stretches to do at home 2x day, appointments 2x week for a month. I should also mention during her evaluation she pressed on my lower back and it sucked, no pain down my legs, just under her hand. The stretches helped my hips for the first week, then my lower back started getting stiff and sore when I would lay down for a few hours or more. I mentioned this to my PT, but she didn't say anything. I kept up with the stretches (on a thick mat on the floor at home, or on my bed) and my lower back slowly got worse each day. Finally, after about 4 PT appointments and 2 weeks of stretches I quit doing them. My back was in quite a bit of pain, I started occasionally getting tingling and slight numbness down both sides in my lower calves and feet (sometimes together, sometimes either side) and it was painful to lay and sit longer than an hour. Made another dr appointment, he suggested it was my muscles and told me to ice, take ibuprofen, and gave me Diclofenac 1% gel, assuring me that PT wouldn't likely cause or worsen a herniation. I was with a different PT for the next appointment and she tried a TENS machine with a heating pad for the pain after I did some stretches that didn't seem to bother my back. I didn't notice any difference. That same night I went to the ER because I got up from a nap and the tingling and numbness wouldn't go away so it scared me. They gave me a steroid shot, a steroid pack, a few T3's and 325mg Tylenols as well as an MRI referral. I don't know if the steroids helped or just the overall more aggressive and earlier treatment this time, but my pain and symptoms (despite being on both sides, not just the right side) aren't nearly as bad as the first time, yet. I'm still uncomfortable and having a horrible time, but it's been manageable. Hopefully I don't feel any worse after being off the steroids for a while. I finished them last Thursday (May 9th) and I've been taking the 325mg Tylenol as needed, making sure to take 2 before bed, I took all the T3's as needed. PT since has been focused on pain management, deep heat ultrasound, TENS machine and heat, also k-tape which seems to provide a small difference.
Yesterday morning (the 13th) I woke up to my back feeling a little stiff and sore but I'd been trying a few stretches the last couple days, maybe that's what's causing it so I'm gonna stop for now. I'm sleeping alright, thankfully, naps as I need or can. As my back has gotten better, my hips haven't. There's still a pinching toothache type of feeling in the sides and front and my thighs still feel unstable while I walk sometimes. I can't lean back on the couch, sitting in the car is uncomfortable so I keep the seat up straight, laying down I still feel pressure in my low back but it's been bearable enough to sleep so far. I haven't tried walking for longer than an hour at a time, slowly and carefully, it doesn't bother my back so much as it does my hips. I lay down for a break during the day if I need it, though I try not to lay down too much. I get up and walk around a bit every hour or so and I help with housework when I can. I use ice or heat for 15 min when I feel like it. I try to go to bed only when I know I'm sleepy so I don't just lay there. I sit outside in the Sun and try to distract myself from the pain the best I can by doing whatever. But lately, being up straight most of the day has been making my upper back a little sore and sometimes I feel what might be spasms along my back (a tense pain that goes away after a few seconds to minutes) and some cramping sensations in my legs.
My MRI is scheduled for the 20th, I'm hoping with all my heart that it's nothing horrible. I've been keeping a log of my symptoms and writing down questions for if I go back to the neurologist (which I would like to). Again, I apologize for the super long post, I just hope this helps someone feel less alone and scared. I know I've been feeling pretty awful the last three weeks, I can't imagine how you who have worse pain feel. I have so much anxiety and fear about this and all the possibilities and it makes everything so difficult. I'm 28, almost 29, and with luck, I have 50-60 years of living left and there's so much I want to do, without anxiety of injuring my back or being in constant pain. This is one of the scariest things I've ever gone through because it seems like it can get complicated really fast and really easy, no warning. I'm not giving up hope that I'll be alright, but it's hard when you get worn down through the day and feel so many different scary symptoms. Hopefully they make some kind of medical advancement in the disc herniation department that truly helps the pain or at least effectively reduces reinjury chances.
TLDR: Sharing my story, had a lower back disc herniation in Dec 2021 causing horrible sciatica all down right side. Had ESI a few months later even though pain was minimal at that point, got better and was generally pain and symptom free for about 2 years. Symptoms came back after a few weeks of PT for unexplained hip pain, this time it's effecting both sides. Been dealing with it for about 3 weeks now with various treatments, MRI scheduled for the 20th.

So for various reasons financial times for me are dire. As in absolutely no money even for transit.
I recently discovered the tpl:maps program and I am super stoked to check out some of the galleries, aquarium, CN Tower and other things I wouldn't normally do or spend money on. I would never pay for tourist stuff but if I am broke and it's free let's rip.
What other cool/free things to do in Toronto are available?
I am a cyclist and don't mind going out of the way for an adventure.

hey.
i've been involved with this guy since Feb of this year and the relationship has mainly been through texting as we live quite a bit away. we have only met up in person once and that date went alright besides some red flags i'll get into. also, he also proposes us seeing each other, but then something always comes up.
we're honestly kind of looking for the same thing, a committed and exclusive relationship, but it seems like this guy is rushing things way too fast. he's already talking about us getting married; but i have noticed some red flags.
some of the red flags i've noticed:
-when we first met, i was just getting off of work at 3am. he called me drunk a few hours prior asking if he should come up and see me. i felt pressured so i said yes. i get off at 3am, get home around 5am, and had to buy a laptop later that day, so i felt like he completely took over my day and chances to get some rest.
-he lies. here are some things he's lied about:

• his racial/cultural background. he first told me he's Chilean and Italian, then when i meet him, he says he's "part Jewish". not a big deal, but okay
• where he works. when i first asked he said the same company in one town, but when i asked again, he said the same company in a completely different town when i can SWEAR it was the first town.
• stuff coming up when we're supposed to meet. when i do want to see him, he always tells me that he's coming to visit me, etc. but then he goes ghost and says something came up like taking his mom to the doctor -- i check his Instagram and he's at the beach.
• i think he blocked me. i text him something and green bubbles show up... okay? so i text him on Instagram asking what happened and things magically go back to normal and he comes up with some bullshit like his phone got hacked. keep in mind, this is the only time this has happened.

-my phone announces to my contacts when i'm in "Do Not Disturb"; he texted and asked me why i always keep my phone in DND. am i not allowed to have my privacy and free time?
-weird stares: when we first saw each other, he did this really weird stare. i know it's perfectly normal to take glimpses of your partner in adoration, but he was giving me this cold dead stare when i was facing away from him. i have mild anxiety and noticed the stare and nervously asked him about it. he said something to the effect of, "oh i'm not allowed to look at you?" left me speechless
-he offered to buy us some tea. we get to the counter to pay and for some reason he does not have any working payment cards and only $100 bills on him, so i had to cover. he offered to get me back, but i'm still waiting. this one was pretty egregious.
-i texted his ex asking what i should look out for. the ex basically said that he prays and hopes that he changed, but if not, to get the fuck away ASAP. i asked him to tell me more info, but he flat out refuses to saying that he does not want any part in this.
-last but not least, we have only been talking since February and have only met in person (completely on his terms) once and he wants to get married:

• he told me when people ask what i am to him, i am his, "future husband"
• i made some comment on his last name because i honestly like saying it, he asked me if i'd take it when we got married. (again, talking about marriage so soon)

i was telling him that i was planning on going back into the US Air Force or maybe shoot for the Space Force. he is really insistent on getting married before i ship out; which i don't know when that will be, but hopefully soon. again, i brought it up with him and he said that he, "wants a ring on his finger" before i ship out.
the thing is, what would the point of getting married be? once i ship out, i will be in basic training in Texas (we live in the Northeast) for 7.5 weeks. then after that, i'll have to go to technical school for my career field that will probably be a few more months in a place that's thousands of miles away.
the soonest i could be back where we live would probably be 5/6 months and it would only be for 12 days for the recruiters assistance program (if i do get that approved), after that i'm on to my first duty station and i have no idea where that will be.
so i'm curious. this person is looking to be a walking red flag, has no problems lying to me, creepy, controlling, etc. and he still wants to marry me when i've made it abundantly clear that i'm going to be away for quite a while. i asked him why he still wants to do this and he said something like, "I'm loyal, you'll have someone waiting for you when you get back".
does anyone have any idea why he still wants to get married? i really, really, REALLY, need help making sense of it all.
thank you so much.

hey.
i've been involved with this guy since Feb of this year and the relationship has mainly been through texting as we live quite a bit away. we have only met up in person once and that date went alright besides some red flags i'll get into. also, he also proposes us seeing each other, but then something always comes up.
we're honestly kind of looking for the same thing, a committed and exclusive relationship, but it seems like this guy is rushing things way too fast. he's already talking about us getting married; but i have noticed some red flags.
some of the red flags i've noticed:
-when we first met, i was just getting off of work at 3am. he called me drunk a few hours prior asking if he should come up and see me. i felt pressured so i said yes. i get off at 3am, get home around 5am, and had to buy a laptop later that day, so i felt like he completely took over my day and chances to get some rest.
-he lies. here are some things he's lied about:

• his racial/cultural background. he first told me he's Chilean and Italian, then when i meet him, he says he's "part Jewish". not a big deal, but okay
• where he works. when i first asked he said the same company in one town, but when i asked again, he said the same company in a completely different town when i can SWEAR it was the first town.
• stuff coming up when we're supposed to meet. when i do want to see him, he always tells me that he's coming to visit me, etc. but then he goes ghost and says something came up like taking his mom to the doctor -- i check his Instagram and he's at the beach.
• i think he blocked me. i text him something and green bubbles show up... okay? so i text him on Instagram asking what happened and things magically go back to normal and he comes up with some bullshit like his phone got hacked. keep in mind, this is the only time this has happened.

-my phone announces to my contacts when i'm in "Do Not Disturb"; he texted and asked me why i always keep my phone in DND. am i not allowed to have my privacy and free time?
-weird stares: when we first saw each other, he did this really weird stare. i know it's perfectly normal to take glimpses of your partner in adoration, but he was giving me this cold dead stare when i was facing away from him. i have mild anxiety and noticed the stare and nervously asked him about it. he said something to the effect of, "oh i'm not allowed to look at you?" left me speechless
-he offered to buy us some tea. we get to the counter to pay and for some reason he does not have any working payment cards and only $100 bills on him, so i had to cover. he offered to get me back, but i'm still waiting. this one was pretty egregious.
-i texted his ex asking what i should look out for. the ex basically said that he prays and hopes that he changed, but if not, to get the fuck away ASAP. i asked him to tell me more info, but he flat out refuses to saying that he does not want any part in this.
-last but not least, we have only been talking since February and have only met in person (completely on his terms) once and he wants to get married:

• he told me when people ask what i am to him, i am his, "future husband"
• i made some comment on his last name because i honestly like saying it, he asked me if i'd take it when we got married. (again, talking about marriage so soon)

i was telling him that i was planning on going back into the US Air Force or maybe shoot for the Space Force. he is really insistent on getting married before i ship out; which i don't know when that will be, but hopefully soon. again, i brought it up with him and he said that he, "wants a ring on his finger" before i ship out.
the thing is, what would the point of getting married be? once i ship out, i will be in basic training in Texas (we live in the Northeast) for 7.5 weeks. then after that, i'll have to go to technical school for my career field that will probably be a few more months in a place that's thousands of miles away.
the soonest i could be back where we live would probably be 5/6 months and it would only be for 12 days for the recruiters assistance program (if i do get that approved), after that i'm on to my first duty station and i have no idea where that will be.
so i'm curious. this person is looking to be a walking red flag, has no problems lying to me, creepy, controlling, etc. and he still wants to marry me when i've made it abundantly clear that i'm going to be away for quite a while. i asked him why he still wants to do this and he said something like, "I'm loyal, you'll have someone waiting for you when you get back".
does anyone have any idea why he still wants to get married? i really, really, REALLY, need help making sense of it all.
thank you so much.

Hey!
We currently have a drummer, bass and guitar player but looking for someone to sing and write lyrics! If you are someone who digs Soundgarden, AiC, Pearl Jam and all those other great 90s bands you are exactly what we are looking for.
We’ve already got some material (riffs and some other songs that were fleshed out but never done anything with) so we aren’t starting from scratch.
The rest of the guys are super chill! We do have a pretty interesting age difference which makes the dynamic really fun. Our drummer (me!) is 18, guitarist is 27 and bass player is 23. We were in a previous band which we had to separate ourselves from so we have tons of band experience (stage presence, writing and even recording and releasing). No worries if you are beginner in terms of band experience (I knew nothing about band stuff a year ago). We are totally open to anything as long as you feel you got a dope voice!
We value someone who is committed to the band and who views it as a serious thing. We really love our craft and would love to share our passion with someone with an equal amount of passion!
If after reading this you are thinking you could fit this spot feel free to PM me or comment on this post!

• Josh

hey.
i've been involved with this guy since Feb of this year and the relationship has mainly been through texting as we live quite a bit away. we have only met up in person once and that date went alright besides some red flags i'll get into. also, he also proposes us seeing each other, but then something always comes up.
we're honestly kind of looking for the same thing, a committed and exclusive relationship, but it seems like this guy is rushing things way too fast. he's already talking about us getting married; but i have noticed some red flags.
some of the red flags i've noticed:
-when we first met, i was just getting off of work at 3am. he called me drunk a few hours prior asking if he should come up and see me. i felt pressured so i said yes. i get off at 3am, get home around 5am, and had to buy a laptop later that day, so i felt like he completely took over my day and chances to get some rest.
-he lies. here are some things he's lied about:

• his racial/cultural background. he first told me he's Chilean and Italian, then when i meet him, he says he's "part Jewish". not a big deal, but okay
• where he works. when i first asked he said the same company in one town, but when i asked again, he said the same company in a completely different town when i can SWEAR it was the first town.
• stuff coming up when we're supposed to meet. when i do want to see him, he always tells me that he's coming to visit me, etc. but then he goes ghost and says something came up like taking his mom to the doctor -- i check his Instagram and he's at the beach.
• i think he blocked me. i text him something and green bubbles show up... okay? so i text him on Instagram asking what happened and things magically go back to normal and he comes up with some bullshit like his phone got hacked. keep in mind, this is the only time this has happened.

-my phone announces to my contacts when i'm in "Do Not Disturb"; he texted and asked me why i always keep my phone in DND. am i not allowed to have my privacy and free time?
-weird stares: when we first saw each other, he did this really weird stare. i know it's perfectly normal to take glimpses of your partner in adoration, but he was giving me this cold dead stare when i was facing away from him. i have mild anxiety and noticed the stare and nervously asked him about it. he said something to the effect of, "oh i'm not allowed to look at you?" left me speechless
-he offered to buy us some tea. we get to the counter to pay and for some reason he does not have any working payment cards and only $100 bills on him, so i had to cover. he offered to get me back, but i'm still waiting. this one was pretty egregious.
-i texted his ex asking what i should look out for. the ex basically said that he prays and hopes that he changed, but if not, to get the fuck away ASAP. i asked him to tell me more info, but he flat out refuses to saying that he does not want any part in this.
-last but not least, we have only been talking since February and have only met in person (completely on his terms) once and he wants to get married:

• he told me when people ask what i am to him, i am his, "future husband"
• i made some comment on his last name because i honestly like saying it, he asked me if i'd take it when we got married. (again, talking about marriage so soon)

i was telling him that i was planning on going back into the US Air Force or maybe shoot for the Space Force. he is really insistent on getting married before i ship out; which i don't know when that will be, but hopefully soon. again, i brought it up with him and he said that he, "wants a ring on his finger" before i ship out.
the thing is, what would the point of getting married be? once i ship out, i will be in basic training in Texas (we live in the Northeast) for 7.5 weeks. then after that, i'll have to go to technical school for my career field that will probably be a few more months in a place that's thousands of miles away.
the soonest i could be back where we live would probably be 5/6 months and it would only be for 12 days for the recruiters assistance program (if i do get that approved), after that i'm on to my first duty station and i have no idea where that will be.
so i'm curious. this person is looking to be a walking red flag, has no problems lying to me, creepy, controlling, etc. and he still wants to marry me when i've made it abundantly clear that i'm going to be away for quite a while. i asked him why he still wants to do this and he said something like, "I'm loyal, you'll have someone waiting for you when you get back".
does anyone have any idea why he still wants to get married? i really, really, REALLY, need help making sense of it all.
thank you so much.

asking one last time before i throw this stuff away, anyone have a free room or a basement on college ave i can keep some stuff (mirror, mattress, desk) from my apartment in for a few weeks ?

hey.
i've been involved with this guy since Feb of this year and the relationship has mainly been through texting as we live quite a bit away. we have only met up in person once and that date went alright besides some red flags i'll get into. also, he also proposes us seeing each other, but then something always comes up.
we're honestly kind of looking for the same thing, a committed and exclusive relationship, but it seems like this guy is rushing things way too fast. he's already talking about us getting married; but i have noticed some red flags.
some of the red flags i've noticed:
-when we first met, i was just getting off of work at 3am. he called me drunk a few hours prior asking if he should come up and see me. i felt pressured so i said yes. i get off at 3am, get home around 5am, and had to buy a laptop later that day, so i felt like he completely took over my day and chances to get some rest.
-he lies. here are some things he's lied about:

• his racial/cultural background. he first told me he's Chilean and Italian, then when i meet him, he says he's "part Jewish". not a big deal, but okay
• where he works. when i first asked he said the same company in one town, but when i asked again, he said the same company in a completely different town when i can SWEAR it was the first town.
• stuff coming up when we're supposed to meet. when i do want to see him, he always tells me that he's coming to visit me, etc. but then he goes ghost and says something came up like taking his mom to the doctor -- i check his Instagram and he's at the beach.
• i think he blocked me. i text him something and green bubbles show up... okay? so i text him on Instagram asking what happened and things magically go back to normal and he comes up with some bullshit like his phone got hacked. keep in mind, this is the only time this has happened.

-my phone announces to my contacts when i'm in "Do Not Disturb"; he texted and asked me why i always keep my phone in DND. am i not allowed to have my privacy and free time?
-weird stares: when we first saw each other, he did this really weird stare. i know it's perfectly normal to take glimpses of your partner in adoration, but he was giving me this cold dead stare when i was facing away from him. i have mild anxiety and noticed the stare and nervously asked him about it. he said something to the effect of, "oh i'm not allowed to look at you?" left me speechless
-he offered to buy us some tea. we get to the counter to pay and for some reason he does not have any working payment cards and only $100 bills on him, so i had to cover. he offered to get me back, but i'm still waiting. this one was pretty egregious.
-i texted his ex asking what i should look out for. the ex basically said that he prays and hopes that he changed, but if not, to get the fuck away ASAP. i asked him to tell me more info, but he flat out refuses to saying that he does not want any part in this.
-last but not least, we have only been talking since February and have only met in person (completely on his terms) once and he wants to get married:

• he told me when people ask what i am to him, i am his, "future husband"
• i made some comment on his last name because i honestly like saying it, he asked me if i'd take it when we got married. (again, talking about marriage so soon)

i was telling him that i was planning on going back into the US Air Force or maybe shoot for the Space Force. he is really insistent on getting married before i ship out; which i don't know when that will be, but hopefully soon. again, i brought it up with him and he said that he, "wants a ring on his finger" before i ship out.
the thing is, what would the point of getting married be? once i ship out, i will be in basic training in Texas (we live in the Northeast) for 7.5 weeks. then after that, i'll have to go to technical school for my career field that will probably be a few more months in a place that's thousands of miles away.
the soonest i could be back where we live would probably be 5/6 months and it would only be for 12 days for the recruiters assistance program (if i do get that approved), after that i'm on to my first duty station and i have no idea where that will be.
so i'm curious. this person is looking to be a walking red flag, has no problems lying to me, creepy, controlling, etc. and he still wants to marry me when i've made it abundantly clear that i'm going to be away for quite a while. i asked him why he still wants to do this and he said something like, "I'm loyal, you'll have someone waiting for you when you get back".
does anyone have any idea why he still wants to get married? i really, really, REALLY, need help making sense of it all.
thank you so much.

Greetings, Huntsmen, Huntresses, and gender neutral Hunters! Welcome to another week of writing prompts! If you are new here, this is a community-driven weekly event, and the purpose is primarily to generate creativity and have fun while doing so (whether you are a 100% real-meat person or not, we don't judge).

What will be involved Special Note for Spoilers!:

Each week, three RWBY-related topics will be posted (subject to ties and special events!). Participants can write a short piece of fiction or dialogue based on that prompt. When writing, the suggestion is to aim for 1k-3k words, however, this is not a requirement. There is no goal - this is not a popularity contest - just write and have fun! If you have any questions, feel free to ask! :)
SPOILERS:
Reminder that the spoiler embargo for Volume 9 and the Justice League movie has been lifted! You are all now free to make posts about the two without needing to spoiler tag it.

Rules (gore, NSFW, spoilers etc.)

The rules are the same as the sub's posting guidelines. Nobody here wants to see your story taken down, so please refer to them before contributing! If someone chooses to ignore these rules, the post will be removed.

Additional information

Pre-writing is welcome! /rwbyprompts is a sub with writing as a focus - there you will find an archive of all the threads as well as a somewhat fleshed-out wiki with odds and ends. :) A detailed spreadsheet of WPW things is here! Keep in mind that this houses a lot of the old prompts, but it also has links and things like early participation to previous WPW threads. We're trying this whole week-to-week thing in the face of the bajillion prompts we had built up. We might do something with them, or people might cycle them back in, who knows what could happen??
Find us on Discord at The Qrow's Nest! The permanent invite has been deleted due to Discord bot shenanigans, so dm shand if you want an invite!

The Prompts!:

Surprise! We're doing them all this week - have fun! :D
Team RWBY, plus Zwei, and Team JNPR play pirates. RWBY, except all songs are written by Sabaton. Atlas makes a space elevator near Vale and Vale is not happy with it. All out war resumes and the use of aerial drones are being used. As a joke, Yang sends pretend Valentines between the most random pairings of people she can think of. She’s shocked when all of them end up together. Team RWBY somehow travels back in time and encounters Team STRQ of the past. When Blake left her family to stay with the White Fang, she became the extremist, not Adam. Ozma agrees with Salem's plans to rule both humanity and the Faunus as the new Gods of Remnant, and has no regrets. After forsaking her mortal inheritance, Weiss is now eligible to be a Queen of the Winter Court of Fae, which is returning to Remnant for the first time since the Brother Gods abandoned it. "'s good as new. Maybe even a little better." "While bullets may wear your name, a hand grenade simply says 'to whom it may concern.'" An Atlas experiment accidentally fuses earth and remnant, hyjinks ensue. Free from Cinder, yet lost without a female figure to commit to, Emerald begins her quest for a new sistemothebestie/lover in Vacuo. The one time Port told a completely realistic and believable story. Yang and Blake discover another bonding point after realizing they both like a certain musician. Instead of Crocea Mors, Jaune has the Moonlight/Darkmoon Greatsword from any From Software Games you choose (boss fight included). Weiss and Ruby host a series of events to determine who has the best big sister. Instead of instilling fear into the hears of the people to make Beacon fall, Watts' hack sparked the Great Meme War!
Optional prompts that must be combined with one or more of the above:

Next Week's Poll:

[The Poll! is on vacation this week, see below!]()

Previously, on Writing Prompt Wednesday:

The thread
The Prompts:

• Blake tries to catch a mouse. Cue Tom and Jerry-esque hi-jinx.
• Nora and Ren get into a heated argument and start dividing team RNJR's camp in half with duct tape. Jaune and Ruby have to fix things.
• Glynda takes a day off, and comes back the next day to see Beacon in a state of...
• Jaune and Ruby have a Pokemon battle with NPR and WBY as their Pokemons.

Alternate-Secondary Prompts:

• Blake discovers all of "White Fang" had apparently redeemed themselves via "The Power of Friendship"
• [Insert character] establishes the Revolutionary Insurrectionary Black Army of Argus.
• The heroes react to finally learning what Headmaster Theodore looks like.
• The unfortunate way Yang learned that flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.
• An event from your fanfic/AU described in the style of the Armchair Historian.
• A Hero and Villain go out on a date. What happens during the date?
• A meeting between Signal Academy Instructors Qrow Branwen and Taiyang Xiao Long with Beacon Academy professors Peter Port and Bartholomew Oobleck to discuss Yang and Ruby as potential students at Beacon.
• Blake enters a dating show where Ilia, Sun, and Yang are vying for her affections.
• A comedy skit with the different Grimm as characters with different personalities as they discuss about their life and interactions with the Human/Faunus characters of RWBY.
• Domestic Team WTCH.
• A character mentally rehearses a conversation they imagine having with another character. They quickly blow things way out of proportion.
• Jaune, Salem, and Hazel reenact the scene from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where the title character is forced to drink the Blood of Kali.

Upcoming Events:

New Year, new events! And now we have the quarter of spring leading into summer and the 4th of July FFA, I hope you all had a great holiday!

Important Stuff and Things!

I have managed to rescue /RWBYFanfiction from an untimely demise! If you would like to share your fanfic or make recommendations, head on over there! I know that I've said something special was coming for this, but Ruby on Rails is hard and not cheap to operate. The fanfiction indexer that I was trying to set up just isn't working and probably needs someone with more experience in RoR programming/design. I haven't completely put it to bed, but it might be a while before I can circle back to it. In the meantime, the fanfic sub has actually had a decent amount of postings - head on over and say hi! :)
No matter how bad things may get, words will always have meaning. Now get out there and write something, but most importantly, have fun! :)

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Now that the nobles are calmed and the time-space rift has been closed, Satomi can finally focus on his work as a member of the Survey Corps. Traveling to and from every point all across Hisui in search of new Pokemon, new adventures, and anything else that might prove useful to his Pokemon researcher. Things were going about as normal as one could expect, at least that was until he had been contacted by the very one who had brought him to Hisui in the first place. Arceus had given him a choice; allowing him to remain in Hisui or Satomi could return to his own time, along with the Pokemon he had caught during his time in the past. It was a difficult decision, as Satomi had grown close to many of Jubilifes residents; Akari and Laventon becoming particularly close friends of his, and yet, he yearned to return home, even if he wasn't particularly fond of his family or sure of how he'd explain his sudden, lengthy disappearance... though, he's not even they'd care or believe his story unless Arceus had joined him at his family's home. After taking some time to contemplate his future, and whether he'd return to the present or remain in the past, Satomi decided that maybe returning home wouldn't hurt. Perhaps he could use the experience gained in Hisui and pursue a new journey in his home. As promised, Arceus returned him to the present, but rather than dropping him back in the modern day Sinnoh region like expected, he instead found himself in the countryside of Paldea. Confused, he did some exploring and met up with a group of researchers; he explained his situation, and they decided to help. In order to help him get used to the present once more and meet people and Pokemon alike across this new region, they aided him in gaining enrollment to Naranja Academy, though suggested he remain quiet of what had happened during his time in Hisui. Upon enrolling into the academy, he meets Y/C, becoming fast friends. Ultimately, he joins Y/C on their journey, searching for a special treasure of his own. Will his mysterious past remain a secret or will you discover that there's more than meets the eye with this unusually experienced trainer?
Crappy plot aside, I'm basically looking to isekai Satomi, a trainer based on the Pokemon: Legends protagonist, once again. This time, we're dropping him into Paldea during the events of Scarlet & Violet. Somewhere along the way, he meets Y/C for the typical Pokemon adventure. They travel about the region, find new Pokemon, meet new people, get into trouble, deal with the local 'evil' team, and all that good stuff. Seeking out both platonic and romantic shenanigans (MxF); open to both canon and OCs. The story could eventually lead to them visiting Hisui, or perhaps even journeying to other regions if we get that far. Feel free to DM me if you're interested in this!
Satomi's character profile

I live in a suburb of Charlotte, NC in a little town called Monroe. The establishment I frequent has been berated by Southern religious groups for the past three years. The establishment serves everyone they host Drag Shows, Latin dance nights trivia. The restaurant / Superette has a good following good employees that care about the community. For the past 3 years on drag show nights the protesters would come out and protest in front of the establishment. At first the shows were all ages. These protesters would berate the patrons of the establishment and yell at young children as their parents brought them to the show. One of the protesters would be the future mayor of the city. The drag, queens and kings would wear nice gowns tuxedos beautiful dresses and feel free to show off their hard work. The the kings and queens would never wear lingerie speedo or anything that is deemed inappropriate for children. There would be some lewd jokes and that sort of nature. The establishment had to change from all ages to 18 and up. Once the restaurant /establishment went from all ages to 18 and up for the drag shows. The protesters kept on coming and eventually they all stopped. So the protesters would take pictures of children with their parents and post them on social media websites. So as a joke, one of the owners of the establishment took pictures of the protesters. They Photoshop out what the protesters were saying on the Posters. The signs would eventually say eat at this restaurant I like hamburgers stuff The signs would eventually say eat at this restaurant I like hamburgers and of that nature.
So fast-forward to just now recently in the past couple of months, the protesters are suing the establishment for using their likeness. So now the establishment has a counter suit. Against the protesters group and their leader. The establishment needs a lot of help to fight the fascist pigs. The establishment has created a GoFundMe to help for the legal battle against the protesters.
I would like to know if I should write about this on another sub Reddit like the lgbt community. I just want to draw as much attention to this group.
I didn’t post the name of the restaurant or their website because I don’t know if it’s allowed in this community. If I’m allowed to post the name of this establishment and their website, I would post it in the comment section.
Thanks everyone sorry for the long read and I know my grammar is not correct.

Any feedback on how my joke could be worded better? Growing up, I always heard that Stanford prides itself on its free thinking student body. I didn't realize they meant that their students turn into sheeple as soon as free stuff is involved

MI has qualified for the playoffs 10 times, KKR has qualified 8 times (including this year), Hyderabad has qualified 8 times (results pending this year)while RCB has qualified 8 times as well (results pending for this year).
The other teams have trophies to show but for RCB it's been so close yet so far everytime.
IPL 2009 - Finals. 45 required of 36 balls. 6 wickets in hand that too of Ross Taylor, Virat Kohli, Mark Boucher, Utthapa. RCB lose the finals
IPL 2010 - Semis. Meet the favourites MI in the semis. Did have a strong line up - Kallis, Dravid, Kevin Pieterson, Utthapa, Ross Taylor, Kohli, Dale Steyn, Praveen Kumar, kumble. But gave too many runs in the last 5 overs
IPL 2011 - Finals. played CSK in Chennai. Were beaten comprehensively
IPL 2012 - no one talks about this year but RCB messed up their last game. RCB had to win their last match against Deccan charger to qualify and throw csk out of the playoffs. RCB restrict Deccan Chargers for 132. While chasing RCB needed 30 runs from 25 balls with 6 wickets In hand. RCB crumbled, lost the match. The team was strong with Gayle, Dilshan, ABD, Kohli, Saurabh tiwary, Muralitharan, Zaheer
IPL 2013 and 2014 - Ended up 5th and 7th
IPL 2015 - Qualifier 2. RCB's last match was against Delhi Daredevils. Had they won that match, they would end up 2nd on the table and would have 2 chances for the cup. Unfortunately the match was abandoned (Delhi made 187, RCB had played only 1 over). RCB lost the qualifier 2 against CSK
IPL 2016 - Finals. Chasing 209 at their home ground, RCB are 140/1 with required run rate less than 10. The middle order collapsed and RCB loses by 8 runs. Virat and ABD were 1 and 3 in total runs scored that season. Chahal and Watson were 2 and 3 in total wickets taken. Second final which they should have won but slipped through their hands
IPL 2017, 2018 and 2019 - definitely the worst years of RCB. Ended up last, 6th and last respectively. In 2018, their last match against RR was a knockout. The winner would make the playoffs. RR defeated RCB. In 2018, RCB decided to retain Sarfaraz Khan (less money for uncapped player) but left out KL Rahul.
IPL 2020 - Eliminator. RCB were strong favourites to finish top 2. They had 7 wins from their first 10 matches. They lost 4 on the trot and also their fifth one which was the Eliminator against SRH
IPL 2021 - Eliminator. Won 9 out of 14 games. Collapsed against KKR on a slow surface in Sharjah. The match that costed them the top 2 position was their match against SRH. SRH scored 141, RCB lost the match by 4 runs. Devdutt padikkal scored a 52 ball 41. Srikar Bharat was sent above Maxwell and ABD (who came in at no 6)
IPL 2022 - Qualifier 2. With Hasaranga and Hazelwood in the team, bowling looked quite strong. Strong batting line up - Faf, Virat (although was not in form), Patidar, Maxwell, DK. But banged into red hot butler who scored a century in the qualifier 2.
IPL 2023 - Needed to win their last match against GT. Virat scored a brilliant century only to be bettered by Shubman Gill.
RCB, apart from 2017-19, has been a very consistent team. They should have won two titles - 2009 and 2016 and one of 2020,21 or 22. This year RCB has come back into the playoffs race from an almost impossible position. Their batting is brilliant, bowling is slowly coming into work with everyone contributing. Hopefully their luck continues (you need that luck to win titles - drop catches, free hits at a right time etc) and finally they will have a trophy against their name. Not jinxing it, hoping for the best.

MI has qualified for the playoffs 10 times, KKR has qualified 8 times (including this year), Hyderabad has qualified 8 times (results pending this year)while RCB has qualified 8 times as well (results pending for this year).
The other teams have trophies to show but for RCB it's been so close yet so far everytime.
IPL 2009 - Finals. 45 required of 36 balls. 6 wickets in hand that too of Ross Taylor, Virat Kohli, Mark Boucher, Utthapa. RCB lose the finals
IPL 2010 - Semis. Meet the favourites MI in the semis. Did have a strong line up - Kallis, Dravid, Kevin Pieterson, Utthapa, Ross Taylor, Kohli, Dale Steyn, Praveen Kumar, kumble. But gave too many runs in the last 5 overs
IPL 2011 - Finals. played CSK in Chennai. Were beaten comprehensively
IPL 2012 - no one talks about this year but RCB messed up their last game. RCB had to win their last match against Deccan charger to qualify and throw csk out of the playoffs. RCB restrict Deccan Chargers for 132. While chasing RCB needed 30 runs from 25 balls with 6 wickets In hand. RCB crumbled, lost the match. The team was strong with Gayle, Dilshan, ABD, Kohli, Saurabh tiwary, Muralitharan, Zaheer
IPL 2013 and 2014 - Ended up 5th and 7th
IPL 2015 - Qualifier 2. RCB's last match was against Delhi Daredevils. Had they won that match, they would end up 2nd on the table and would have 2 chances for the cup. Unfortunately the match was abandoned (Delhi made 187, RCB had played only 1 over). RCB lost the qualifier 2 against CSK
IPL 2016 - Finals. Chasing 209 at their home ground, RCB are 140/1 with required run rate less than 10. The middle order collapsed and RCB loses by 8 runs. Virat and ABD were 1 and 3 in total runs scored that season. Chahal and Watson were 2 and 3 in total wickets taken. Second final which they should have won but slipped through their hands
IPL 2017, 2018 and 2019 - definitely the worst years of RCB. Ended up last, 6th and last respectively. In 2018, their last match against RR was a knockout. The winner would make the playoffs. RR defeated RCB. In 2018, RCB decided to retain Sarfaraz Khan (less money for uncapped player) but left out KL Rahul.
IPL 2020 - Eliminator. RCB were strong favourites to finish top 2. They had 7 wins from their first 10 matches. They lost 4 on the trot and also their fifth one which was the Eliminator against SRH
IPL 2021 - Eliminator. Won 9 out of 14 games. Collapsed against KKR on a slow surface in Sharjah. The match that costed them the top 2 position was their match against SRH. SRH scored 141, RCB lost the match by 4 runs. Devdutt padikkal scored a 52 ball 41. Srikar Bharat was sent above Maxwell and ABD (who came in at no 6)
IPL 2022 - Qualifier 2. With Hasaranga and Hazelwood in the team, bowling looked quite strong. Strong batting line up - Faf, Virat (although was not in form), Patidar, Maxwell, DK. But banged into red hot butler who scored a century in the qualifier 2.
IPL 2023 - Needed to win their last match against GT. Virat scored a brilliant century only to be bettered by Shubman Gill.
RCB, apart from 2017-19, has been a very consistent team. They should have won two titles - 2009 and 2016 and one of 2020,21 or 22. This year RCB has come back into the playoffs race from an almost impossible position. Their batting is brilliant, bowling is slowly coming into work with everyone contributing. Hopefully their luck continues (you need that luck to win titles - drop catches, free hits at a right time etc) and finally they will have a trophy against their name. Not jinxing it, hoping for the best.

So the last few years have been rough.
*note* if you're a "cheaters will always be cheaters type" tldr is don't bother reading or commenting
BACKSTORY 2019-2023 child nearly annual broken bones, lots of stress and specialist visits.
2018-2024 my wife got her associates as a medical assistant and is almost done with her bachelor's and final quarter internship while working full time and that has been hard for me. The lack of time for me and my son has really made an impact.
2019 I was injured at work and 2020 had my first surgery to try and preserve an ankle joint. That surgery ended up failing and while recovering I ended up mangling 2 fingertips in a wood jointer. 2020 I had to make the transition to a sahd on workers comp and have been since then. My lifestyle of hiking and fishing was upended because I could barely be on my feet 3 hours a day and uneven ground killed me not to mention the whole covid thing was pretty isolating.
All of 2021 was supporting her being a surrogate for a couple in City X (their egg/sperm). So, lots of trips checks and giving her injections. It was kind of proving myself to her because I was terrified when our son was born in 2017 and didn't help as much as I should have. Especially the first 3 months. Really, I didn't find out until later. We had conversations and fights at the time and id step up to do more and she would agree and tell me it was all okay. Then another fight saying I wasn't doing enough/anything and asking more and me being upset and confused. I guess at the time she was afraid to ask more, or tell me what she wanted, or her feelings, and the postpartum depression and initial feelings of abandonment didn't help.
Anyways the surrogacy went okay. I was there and supportive. Rubbing her feet and back. taking on extra load when she was tired etc. And hey I didn't pass out at delivery this time XD The end was a bit hard with 2 inductions needed and a massive 9.5lb baby and a stuck shoulder.
Then a few weeks after birth in November 2021 the nightmare began.
Out of nowhere she started hemorrhaging. She had to have an emergency D&C to stop the bleeding and scans showed a mass. Turned out the surrogate baby's placenta had some cells turn cancerous and attach to her uterus (Choriocarcinoma). 3 months later and the first 3 agent chemo failed, and her numbers were skyrocketing because it turned treatment resistant. They had to hit it with 5 types of chemo (EMACO) leaving future fertility a coin toss but more than a hysterectomy. By May 2022 the tumor marker was gone, but it was 6 months of intense monitoring and 6 months of monthly monitoring. The whole time she was in an intense spiraling depression questioning life. The meaning of all it, and how all her childhood trauma was fair. That no god would let a child live that. And questioning every decision in her life and wondering what things could have been like if she went a different direction. Feeling like she missed out on opportunities early in life. If this might be all there is (we have been together since she was 17). She said she felt like reality wasn't real and this was make believe at times.
Summer 2022 she made a new mom friend. She was pretty toxic and selfish. She used my wife for personal benefit and to go places. Yelled at her kids and treated the oldest from a prior marriage as less than (girl doesn't know her dad and when she mentioned she was part Mexican she freaked out and denied it because of how conservative and anti Mexican her new dad and his family is). Like never offered a dime, but expected food, gas, tickets, and gifts. She drove my wife nuts with that behavior. but she was desperate for a friend and loved her kids. Her friend would just talk shit about her partner pretty constantly and say my wife should be unhappy in her relationship too. Shit talking husbands behind their backs became like a mutual thing and I def hated it
Sometime 2023 she jumped into fantasy romance and fantasy smut /erotica. This progressed to an AI chat smut generator.
May 2023 monitoring was over and she was officially cancer free and had been on a health/mental health quest..
The mental health part started early in the year and she was seeing a therapist for depression and anxiety alone as well as her long list of childhood trauma. Off hand her therapist told her a few times she didn't know maybe just divorce me or something. I was super uncomfortable with this as it was completely outside her practicing scope and I didn't feel she should be providing relationship guidance, especially without me or the rest of the story. I felt a bit attacked and didn't even get the chance to give my perspective or account and felt that is pretty important after being here for a decade. A lot of negative points get omitted by her.
Summer 2023 she had some tough diagnosis for other chronic issues. Narcolepsy Dissociative Identity disorder Depression And a sleep disorder
I initially rejected this as I didn't want to accept these chronic and incurable conditions and insisted it has to be something else, that she's okay. It was taken as rejection of her.
Fall 2023 she reached out to a childhood ex bf a few states away and started an emotional affair. They kept in infrequent contact over the years and nothing ever came of it before. He has been unable to move past her or have meaningful relationships in 13 years. At first he pushed her away and rejected it, but after a month by Nov it was a thing. Texting saying I shouldn't worried because they dated before, but he ended up coming out as gay, calls in private, staying later after work. I gave it the benefit of the doubt but got burned. I found out in December the second time she wanted a private call in the car, and I checked her phone.
We started marriage counseling in Jan and I started my own therapy search as well as a condition of hers. She agreed to no longer contact the boy showed me the sent message ending it and blocked him. By Feb I found him listed in her phone as Saraa and found deleted texts and calls. In therapy she wanted to keep him as a friend and only friend and I tried this. She asked if a PO box would be okay for a birthday present, and I said no. That it crossed a line. It was also super close to Valentine's day. Next therapy I couldn't handle the anxiety and feeling physically ill when she used her phone, and we went through Jan again break off block etc.
In Feb the therapist recommended a separate space for conflict as we work on things. That too much conflict triggered her dissociative identity disorder. It was either a hotel as needed or a rv/camper. My wife was set on a camper and the only way to get a newer one was to add my credit/income to hers for a loan and I was uncomfortable on a $20k purchase. She assured me the intent of the camper was working on us and not separating/divorcing. She brought up me not having chores completely done all the time and I poured myself into it if that was making her unhappy over the years.
During this time in March I found out she got the secret PO box and had yet again resumed texting entirely deleting her logs. She had valentines gifts. birthday gifts, long distance electronic bracelets, and had an easter basket coming. Everything was put together into a box to be gotten rid of. That effort I had for chores and making everything spotless kind of died. Like there was that recognition that that obviously wasn't the problem. We lived completely separately for a few weeks until she could make a choice. We split our son and had almost zero interaction. Eventually she chose and I saw a notebook she used once in December. Basically she has started outlining a story envisioning herself as the lead character in once of her romantic fantasies and cast me and the other man as competing love interests
April and early may there was nothing. We did therapy and tackled our issues slowly. Together. Our future plans: college vs baby and the ticking clock of fertility and ifs after chemo. Etc
Last week she was going out for lilac picking and didn't text me for 2 hours and said she was at the beach. Later she showed me something in her email and I saw discord emails about a pw change and login. One bad gut feeling later and the next morning I see she deleted the discord emails and check our phone plan and her phone and see missing texts. I put in a phone record request for recent texts and text/call logs. She woke up and I said it did it and she said I was disgusting. Then admitted I was right.
She says after breaking it off she was worried he would hurt himself and just wanted to be sure he was okay and admitted to 3 texts and the discord call which i verified. Said that he was in therapy for his issues. She said she didn't want to bring it up to me because I would make it a fight and she thought she could just get away with a few texts to make sure. That she felt responsible for how much he had been hurt too.
So I did what I do with extreme anxiety and checked her work bag. I found an old journal they shared Jan to mid-march. Kind of confirmed again what was going on. Also revealed she lied to me about the trailer, or him? She couldn't get it without me and told him it was to work on separating from me easier. Yeah I kept pics in case this goes downhill because yeah, I'll gun for EVERYTHING. I'm sure that being tricked into signing a $20k contract under false pretenses for her personal benefit, secret po boxes, lying to our therapist repeatedly, secret texts, expecting gifts from the other man, career over spending time with family and a serious personality disorder on top of narcolepsy making a job hard to keep down wont do her favors at divorce/custody hearings.
So its all fresh for me again. I already have extreme anxiety and the autism doesn't help with reading/understanding people the best, although my gut intuition and pattern recognition are catching stuff fine.
WHERE I THINK I AM
Looking back, I can see that the personality disorder and narcolepsy are apparent. Dream delusion and memory issues from the narcolepsy make separating dream from reality hard as well as just recalling what happened. So whether not the "not feeling like reality is real" was a dream delusion or a full-blown dissociative episode... I can also see that messaging him was a "new" personality state. Maybe it's a manifestation of the trauma of nearly dying from cancer, maybe it's a fragment of her young identity that was created to survive her traumatic childhood resurfacing after nearly dying. But her interests and perspective massively shifted at that time and there was a clear separation between her with me and her with him. It was like this regression back to 15. Like she was molding an identity to fit his desires and interests. She took up tarot and witchy books, different music, painting, rockhounding (my interest), dried bouquets, dyed her hair and got multiple piercings. Even getting caught there was that click in her whole demeanor.
I can see how her friend may have jaded her towards me by all the shit she talked about HER husband. I can see that throwing herself into fantasy smut to cope flooded her with portrayals of unrealistic romance. That she progressed that by using an AI smut bot to hold those conversations with. Then she directly tried to process her own reality through the lens of those novels in that journal.
This "relationship" was "I love you, we can be together in 10 years". He wasn't going to leave his cushy job. Or his state. He didn't want to be a stepdad. He didn't want to support her career or have any involvement in it. She couldn't leave my state. Never saw illicit photos. No discussion of sex. It was like exactly what you think some lovestruck preteens would come up with. Like just a fantasy. No talk of bills or finances. Of moving. Of any substantial tangible entanglement.
Somehow that's easier to handle
I love her and don't want to leave her. But i desperately think she needs serious help and have told her I want her to do therapy 2x a month (on top of marriage therapy 2x).
I also think if a secret or deleted text happens again, I've got to take off the kid gloves and fight for it all. Cause well showing up at the dude's door would end in prison.
I'm sure this happening right as I fully got over last time and took a trust leap of faith on a "gay" friend that burned me will make it harder. I get the last few years have been garbage luck and I get almost dying can have profound affects though. She had been utterly loyal for 5 years (believe me I checked as we agreed to ie open book). Tying to see this with an open mind.
I get my exact expectations are muddy and part of this is just putting it into words to process for me, but I value if someone has any good input

I recently quit a game that I had an 800$+ obsession with. Now I’m looking for a new one since I’ve been playing that one for almost 10 years. It got old. The community became boring/sour.
1; mini games. Single player or multiplayer. I’m not good at shooter games or pvp. I prefer dungeon crawler stuff.
2; big opportunities for collections. Stuff like wearable items. Pets. Decor.
3; mobile or console. I’m living broke. My pc is on life support. I can only get stuff on Xbox game pass, Roblox, or mobile free.
4; no simulators or Clash of Clans or anything like that. There’s so many of them and the communities are so horrible😭
If you know a game that matches these (NOT animal jam, Feral, or Minecraft!) please comment it. I’ll check it out. I need distractions and reading a hundred webtoons comics isn’t distracting enough anymore. I like Minecraft dungeons but there’s no option to decorate my character or my base, or have collections. And I already play Minecraft. It gets boring alone.
If pony town had mini games and the option for collections, I would be obsessed with it.

We’ve been together almost a year. My bf started out completely smitten. He planned dates, talked about our future, always available (I do not need this but for context) always wanting to spend his free time with me. Planned trips with me, he constantly called me “perfect” and his “dream girl.” He put me on what felt like a pedestal. This intimidated me and turned me off a bit because I felt nervous to show vulnerability for fear of being knocked off the pedestal in his head. He hadn’t known me long enough to be considering me a “life partner” his words at that time.
Fast forward, I overcame my fear because it’s not authentic for me to be ‘pedestal’ standard. But I noticed the more authentic I was the less he seemed attracted to me. The more I showed my more vulnerable sides, the more he seemed turned off. I have been with him long enough to know he’s worried about ‘looking weak’ and thinks communication about emotions or any vulnerability is ‘weak’. He hardly EVER tells me his true thoughts and when I ask he says “they are my private thoughts, I have a right not to share them.” When I go in for a kiss he pulls away and when he sees me upset about it he claims ‘it’s a joke’ He rarely says I love you back anymore. He does not plan dates, he spends significantly less time with me. Over time this has taken such a toll on me that I had a conversation with him about potentially breaking up, anytime I’ve brought up any conversation insinuating a potential break up/breaking point he begs frantically for me. He then sees his part in things and takes accountability quickly. I notice when I’m more reserved that’s when he’s affectionate and tries his best.
I don’t want to pull back or stuff my affection down to gain his time and attention. It’s driving me crazy because despite this I truly love him, and he does have a lot of boxes checked for me as far as financial, responsible, sense of humor, intelligent, generous, attractive. But the push pull is exhausting and I’m hurt being rejected over and over. Is it possible we can get out of this cycle?
Tl;dr My bf rejects my gestures for affection often thinking it’s funny and claiming it’s a “joke.” I get hurt and tired of the rejection and when I pull away he bombards me with affection. I want an equal balance. Is there any hope?