https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Sbryo4Am6kWgKPEhtl3AYrwMQfN53dOs/view?usp=sharing
Logline: A white Londoner accompanies his girlfriend’s African-American activist group on a journey into the heart of African jungle, only to discover they now must resist the very evil humanity vowed to leave behind.
I write scripts as a hobby and this is a horror screenplay I wrote four years ago. The script itself isn't brilliant as I'm an inexperienced writer. However, I think it's a really cool premise for a horror movie. The story is a mixture of Get Out, Midsommar, Predator, Apocalypse Now and Wrong Turn. There's some very good horror and gory kills in this script, as well as themes of racism and how horror from the past can return to haunt us.
For anyone interested, comment what you think - even if you think it's a piece of sh*t, haha. Also for fun, comment what James would think of this if it was a movie, and even if it would make for a good Kill Count.

This is the second half of my list for Oklahoma's execution roster. As mentioned in the first part, I broke it in half to comply with reddit's character limitations. For the link to part 1, please click here.
The currently executed 124 offenders, cases 63-124:
63. Robert Knighton (~1960s-2003, lethal injection): In 1973, after being released from a 1968 armed robbery conviction, Knighton went on his first major crime spree. He stabbed and strangled several men and women during many robberies and home invasions. The only victim that was killed, 32 year old Coffier Day, was shot dead while Knighton was arguing with him in his home. Coffier's father, 53 year old Claude, was also injured in the shooting. Knighton's first crime spree ended when he kidnapped a married couple and their 6 year old daughter. They escaped when the wife and mother of the family attacked Knighton with a knife to protect her husband and daughter. The family then notified the police of their abduction. Knighton managed to secure a 30 year manslaughter conviction and a 10 year armed robbery conviction with a plea deal, and was released to a halfway house in 1989. There, he began dating a female addict and befriended a teenage boy. The trio embarked on a nationwide robbery spree together. In Missouri, they shot and killed 59 year old Frank Merrifield and his 40 year old stepson Roy Donahue while robbing their home, and stole guns and money from them. In Oklahoma, the trio fatally shot a couple, 64 year old Virginia and 62 year old Richard Denney, while carjacking them. Their rampage ended when a woman in Texas grow suspicious of them circling a neighborhood. Knighton had a long history of theft convictions dating back to his childhood, and joined the Aryan Brotherhood in prison. Behind bars, he frequently attacked black and Native American inmates out of racial hatred for them.
64. Kenneth Charm (1993-2003, lethal injection): Charm and his teenage cousin lured a family friend, 14 year old Brandy Hill, into their car. They raped Hill and tried strangling her with a towel. When that failed, the cousins bludgeoned her to death with a sledgehammer.
65. Lewis Gilbert II (1994-2003, lethal injection): Gilbert and his teenage accomplice committed at least 4 robbery murders in Missouri, Ohio, and Oklahoma, but he was executed for the killing of 37 year old Roxanne Ruddell. They ambushed and kidnapped Ruddell while she was fishing alone. She was robbed of $3 and her truck, tied to a tree, and shot to death. The pair also fatally shot Ruth Loader, a 79 year old Ohioan woman, while abducting her from her residence, and gunned down a Missouri couple, 86 year old William and 76 year old Flossie Brewer, in their home. Gilbert was also sentenced to death for the Brewer murders by the state of Missouri, but was incarcerated in Oklahoma State Penitentiary’s death row.
66. Robert Duckett (~1980s-2003, lethal injection): After breaking out of prison, Duckett was picked up hitchhiking by John Howard, a 53 year old store owner. Howard agreed to let Duckett stay with him until he could find a job. The pair soon had a failing out, and Duckett was evicted by his host. He retaliated by tying Howard up with wire and then beating him to death with a fireplace poker. Duckett made off with his car after he switched the license plates, and took several bank bags from his store. He had a long violent criminal history, which included several incidents of assault and robbery. One of the incidents involved the beating of an 83 year old man. Allegedly, Duckett was previously gang-raped by other inmates, and suffered from PTSD from the incident. His attorneys claimed that Howard’s sexual advances trigged those memories, and he was killed as a result of Duckett lashing out at them. However, the prosecution shot the argument down, citing that the murder happened after Duckett was evicted from the apartment.
67. Bryan Toles (1993-2003, lethal injection): Toles and his two accomplices forced themselves into the home of the Franceschi family, and shot and killed the family patriarch, 39 year old Juan, in a struggle. Juan's son, 15 year old Lonnie, was also murdered "execution style" out of fear that he could identify Toles and his accomplices. The only survivor of the attack was Norma, Juan's wife and Lonnie's mother, who escaped by hiding in her older daughter's bedroom.
68. Jackie Willingham (1994-2003, lethal injection): Willingham was a door to door salesman selling perfume in an office building. One women, 62 year old Jayne Van Wey, he tried to solicit rejected him despite his repeated offers. Angered by her "rude behavior", Willingham attacked Van Wey when they had a chance encounter near the building's restroom. He dragged Van Wey out of a stall after following her inside, slammed her head against the bathroom wall several times, and kicked her head. Reportedly, Van Wey choked to death on her own blood.
69. Harold McElmurry III (1999-2003, lethal injection): While under the influence of meth, McElmurry and his wife Vicki broke into a home that a WW2 veteran, 80 year old Robert Pendley, shared with his wife, 75 year old Rosa. Robert and Rosa were both quickly subdued and physically restrained by the couple. McElmurry clubbed Robert to death with a pipe in front of Rosa, who was forced to watch by Vicki. Vicki then held Rosa down as McElmurry stabbed her several times with scissors. After killing the Pendleys, the McElmurrys fled with $70 in cash, a pair of guns, and the victims' car. A few days after the murders, they were captured by border agents while trying to cross into Mexico.
70. Tyrone Darks (~1990s-2004, lethal injection): Darks rammed his ex wife, 26 year old Sherry Goodlow, off the road as she was driving with their 2 year old son. After Goodlow crashed, Darks pulled their son out of the wreckage, shot her to death, and then drove away with him. Just before she succumbed to her injuries, Goodlow managed to call and notify the police about her son’s abduction. The police confronted and arrested Darks at his home, and they found the boy unharmed in their search. Darks and Goodlow’s former marriage was marred with violence, and he was arrested on numerous occasions for assaulting her. On death row, Darks was involved in a scheme to defraud a foundation for 9/11 survivors.
71. Norman Cleary (~1980s-2004, lethal injection): While burglarizing an upper class home with an accomplice, Cleary shot and killed a housekeeper, 44 year old Wanda Neafus, and took her purse and a cane that her employers purchased from the Smithsonian Institution. Cleary had a long criminal history and was previously convicted of beating an 87 year old woman in her home.
72. David Brown (~1983-2004, lethal injection): For several years, Brown violently harassed his ex wife and her family. In one incident, Brown abducted his ex wife and 11 of her customers from a beauty saloon she owned, and held them hostage until he surrendered to police. He was able to leave custody on bond and went into hiding. A few years after the hostage crisis incident, Brown broke into his ex wife's family home and gunned down her father, 47 year old Eldon McGuire.
73. Hung Thanh Le (1992-2004, lethal injection): Le crept into the apartment of another Vietnamese refugee, 34 year old Hai Nguyen, and found him watching TV on the couch. He struck Nguyen from behind with a weightlifting bar, and continued stabbing him with a meat cleaver when he screamed his wife for help. Nguyen's wife phoned the police, and Le fled with the couple's safety deposit box that contained $36,000 and their wedding ring.
74. Robert Bryan (1993-2004, lethal injection): Bryan shot and killed his estranged aunt, 69 year old Mildred, dumped her body on his parents' property, and forged a $1,800 check to himself under her name.
75. Windel Workman (~1980s(?)-2004, lethal injection): Workman beat his girlfriend's daughter, 2 year old Amanda Holman, to death while babysitting her in their home. His ex wives reported that he had a history of child abuse and often violently spanked their children during their marriages.
76. Jimmie Slaughter (1991-2005, lethal injection): Fearing that she was going to tell his wife of their affair, Slaughter stabbed and shot his ex girlfriend, 29 year old Melody Wuertz, and their daughter, 1 year old Jessica. According to court documents, Slaughter mutilated both of their bodies, and he carved an "R" on Melody's stomach. He tried pinning the murders on a black man, but the investigators and the courts dismissed his allegations.
77. George Miller Jr. (1994-2005, lethal injection): During the robbery of a hotel, Miller attacked the auditor, 25 year old Kent Dodd, with a hedge shear and paint cans, and took $122 from the register. Dodd was severely beaten, had muriatic acid shoved down his throat, and was left to die. Just before he died of his injuries, Dodd gave a description of his attacker to the police that matched Miller. A massive amount of circumstantial evidence, such as wearing shoes that resembled the bloodstained footprints next to Dodd's body, a microscopic drop of blood found on his shoes that was tentatively linked to Dodd, his wife's testimony of his unaccounted absence from their home during the murder, and what appeared to be Dodd writing Miller's alias that he knew him by in his own blood, convicted him. Miller’s friends also reported that he was broke and begging them for money a day before the murder, and his wife mentioned him giving her the same amount of money that was stolen from the robbery a day after it happened.
78. Michael Pennington (1991-2005, lethal injection): Pennington shot and killed a clerk, 20 year old Bradley Grooms, while trying to rob a 7-eleven grocery store. He left empty handed when the register failed to open.
79. Kenneth Turrentine (1994-2005, lethal injection): Under the belief that they were stealing money from him for drugs, Turrentine shot and killed his sister, 48 year old Avon Stevenson, and his girlfriend, 39 year old Anita Richardson, during confrontations in their homes. He also gunned down Anita's two children, 22 year old Tina Pennington and 13 year old Martise.
80. Richard Thornburg Jr. (1996-2006, lethal injection): A month after he was shot by an unknown assailant, Thornburg and his accomplices sought revenge by abducting 5 men that he thought was responsible from a trailer. Three of the hostages, 51 year old James Poteet, 39 year old Tery Sheppard, and 24 year old Kieth Smith, were gunned down on the spot, and Thornberg forced the fourth to shoot the fifth with the threat of killing him if he didn’t comply. They then burned down the trailer with the wounded fifth victim still trapped inside, but he managed to escape with his life. Despite being forced to put all the blame on himself in exchange for being spared, the fourth hostage still went forward to the police.
81. John Boltz (1984-2006, lethal injection): To spite his estranged wife following an argument, Boltz attacked her son, 23 year old Doug Kirby, with a knife. Kirby was stabbed a total of 11 times, and he received several fatal wounds to his chest, stomach, and neck.
82. Eric Patton (1994-2006, lethal injection): Patton forced his way into the home of 56 year old Charlene Kauer after she refused his pleading for money. After dragging her around the house as he searched for valuables, Patton stabbed Kauer several times with many different blades objects at hand such as scissors, barbecue forks, and kitchen knifes. Although he confessed to the murder, Patton blamed it on alleged demonic possession and his cocaine addiction.
83. James Malicoat (1997-2006, lethal injection): Malicoat slammed Tessa Leadford, his 13 month old daughter, against a dresser. After she died from the beating, he tucked her into bed, and waited until his daughter's mother returned from work to take her to the hospital. The doctors found that Leadford had been dead for several hours at the time of her arrival, and discovered several injuries such as broken ribs, bite marks, abdominal bleeding, and facial bruising on her body. By his own account, he had abused Leadford on a daily basis. For her role in enabling her boyfriend's treatment of their daughter, Leadford's mother was convicted of first degree murder and given a life sentence.
84. Corey Hamilton (1992-2007, lethal injection): During the robbery of a restaurant, Hamilton shot and killed 4 employees, 26 year old Sandy Lara, 24 year old Stephen Williams, 19 year old Ted Kindley, and 17 year old Joseph Gooch, and made off with $2,000.
85. Jimmy Bland (~1975-2007, lethal injection): Bland shot his boss, 62 year old Doyle Rains, in the head over an argument regarding a borrowed car and dumped the body in a creek. He was previously convicted of killing a soldier, Raymond Prentice (age unknown), and abducting the man's wife and son at the age of 19. Bland served a 20 out of 60 year sentence, and murdered Rains a year after he was released.
86. Frank Welch (~1987-2008, lethal injection): In 1987, Welch attacked 28 year old Jo Cooper, who was 4 months pregnant with her second child, in her home. She was tied up with leather straps, raped and violated with plastic toys, and strangled to death. Cooper’s body was found laying near her infant son by her husband. Another woman, 32 year old Debra Stevens, was also bound, raped, and strangled to death in her home in a near identical fashion a few months later. Although both murders went unsolved for several years, Welch abducted and raped a woman in 1994, and he received a 45 year sentence for it. His DNA samples was collected and filed after his abduction conviction, and linked to both Cooper and Stevens’ murders in a 1997 test.
87. Terry Short (1995-2008, lethal injection): In an attempt to kill his ex girlfriend, Short blew up her apartment complex with a firebomb. She and her family managed to escape, but the blast killed Ken Yamamoto, a 22 year old Japanese exchange student. Yamamoto had no connections to the targeted ex girlfriend's family beyond him having the misfortune of residing in the same apartment.
88. Jessie Cummings Jr. (1991-2009, lethal injection): Cummings was a polygamist that had married and lived with two wives. Under his orders, Cummings’ wives shot and killed his estranged half sister, 46 year old Judy Mayo, and kidnapped her daughter, 11 year old Melissa. He bound his niece to his bed with handcuffs to be raped, and stabbed her to death.
89. Darwin Brown (1995-2009, lethal injection): While robbing a grocery store with three accomplices (including Billy Alverson and Michael Wilson), Brown tied up the clerk, 30 year old Richard Yost, with handcuffs, and then bludgeoned him death with a metal baseball bat. The killing was caught by security cameras, and the footage was used by the prosecution to secure the convictions of Brown and his accomplices.
90. Donald Gilson (1995-2009, lethal injection): Gilson routinely physically abused his live in girlfriend's 5 children (who were all between the ages of 8 and 12 years old). The youngest, 8 year old Shane Coffman, was beaten to death with a board for defecating on the living room carpet. He and his girlfriend then hid the body by stuffing it in a freezer. The body was kept inside it for 6 months until it was discovered by a sheriff's deputy investigating the family's abuse allegations. Gilson's girlfriend was spared the death penalty with a plea deal, and given a life sentence without the possibility of parole for her part in her son's abuse and murder.
91. Michael DeLozier (1995-2009, lethal injection): While camping with his friends, DeLozier ambushed another pair of campers, 60 year old Orville Bullard and 54 year old Paul Morgan, and shot them to death. They stole Morgan and Bullard's generator, pick up truck, and other camping gear. To cover up their tracks, DeLozier and his friends set their victims' campsite on fire, and severely burned the bodies.
92. Julius Young (1993-2010, lethal injection): For breaking off their relationship, Young beat his ex girlfriend, 20 year old Joyland Morgan and her 6 year old son Kewan, to death with a baseball bat in their apartment.
93. Donald Wackerly II (1996-2010, lethal injection): Wackerly and his wife ambushed and gunned down Pan Sayakhoummane, a 51 year old Laotian immigrant, while he was fishing in the Arkansas River. After he placed Sayakhoummane's body in the man’s own truck, he pushed into a river, and stole his fishing gear. A few months after the murder, Wackerly’s wife turned him in to the police.
94. John Duty (~1970s-2010, lethal injection): Duty was given a life sentence for abducting, raping, and non fatally shooting a female store clerk during a robbery. While incarcerated, he tricked a fellow inmate, 22 year old Curtis Wise Jr. into allowing himself to be tied up as a part of a hostage ruse, and then strangled him to death with shoelaces. At the time of his murder, Wise was serving a conviction for burglary and contributing to the delinquency of minors. Duty's execution caused some controversy for the use of pentobarbital, a drug more commonly utilized by veterinarians to euthanize pets.
95. Billy Alverson (1995-2011, lethal injection): Alverson assisted the above mentioned Darwin Brown and Micheal Wilson in the beating death of Richard Yost while robbing a convenience store.
96. Jeffrey Matthews (1994-2011, lethal injection): Matthews and his accomplice shot and killed his great uncle, 77 year old Otis Short, while robbing the man's home. In the robbery, they stole Short's truck, his .32 calibre pistol, and $500. The pair also slit the throat of Short's wife, but she survived her injuries.
97. Gary Welch (~1993-2011, lethal injection): During a fight over a drug shipment, Welch and his partner stabbed another dealer, 32 year old Robert Hardcastle, to death with broken glass bottles. He was previously convicted of battery with a deadly weapon, and was off on probation at the time of Hardcastle's murder.
98. Timothy Stemple (1996-2012, lethal injection): Stemple conspired with his girlfriend to murder his wife, 30 year old Trisha, for her life insurance policy. With the help of his girlfriend's 16 year old nephew or cousin [sources vary], Stemple beat Trisha with a baseball bat, and rammed her to death with his truck.
99. Michael Selsor (~1975-2012, lethal injection): Selsor and his accomplice went on a crime spree and robbed several convenience stores. During their robberies, the pair shot and killed two clerks, 55 year old Clayton Chandler and 20 year old Ina Morris, and injured two others in shooting and stabbing attacks.
100. Michael Hooper (~1992-2012, lethal injection): Hooper kidnapped his ex girlfriend, 23 year old Cynthia Jarman, and her children, 5 year old Timothy and 3 year old Tonya, from her boyfriend's residence. He shot all three of them dead, and buried the bodies in a rancher's field. According to court documents, Hooper was hyper-violent towards Cynthia in their year long relationship.
101. Garry Allen (1986-2012, lethal injection): Allen shot and killed his fiancee, 24 year old Lawanna Titsworth, during an argument at a day care she worked at. He fought with the responding officers trying to arrest him in an attempt to provoke a "suicide by cop" outcome. Despite the officers' best efforts to avoid harming him, Allen lost his eye from an accidental discharge. Due to claims of him having schizophrenia, Allen's execution was a source of controversy.
102. George Ochoa (~1993-2012, lethal injection): A Southside Locos gang member, Ochoa and another hoodlum shot and killed a couple, 38 year old Francisco Morales and 35 year old Maria Yanez, while burglarizing their home. The murders were witnessed by the couple's 14 year old and 10 year old children and stepchildren, who then phoned the police after the shooters' departure.
103. Steven Thacker (~1980s-2012, lethal injection): Thacker kidnapped 25 year old Laci Hill during a botched robbery of her home, and took her to a remote cabin to be raped. She was then strangled and stabbed to death. He fled to Missouri, fatally stabbed 24 year old Forrest Boyd while carjacking him, and used his car to hide out in Tennessee. After the stolen car broke down, Thacker called a tow truck to pick him up. When the driver, 52 year old Ray Patterson, found that he was using a stolen credit card, Thacker stabbed him to death as well. As a teenager, Thacker committed several acts of auto thefts and burglaries. He also engaged in inappropriate relationships with underaged girls, and was released from a Florida prison after serving time for a bad check conviction months before his murders.
104. James DeRosa (2000-2013, lethal injection): DeRosa and his accomplice tricked a couple, 73 year old Curtis and 70 year old Gloria Plummer, that he worked for on their ranch, into letting them inside their house. After they stabbed the Plummers and slit their throats, DeRosa and his accomplice stole $73 and drove away with their truck.
105. Brian Davis (2001-2013, lethal injection): Davis went searching for his girlfriend and their daughter when he found them missing from their home, and called his girlfriend's mother, 56 year old Josephine Sanford, about their whereabouts. Sanford dropped by the couple's residence after failing to find her daughter and granddaughter. At her arrival, she was raped, beaten, and stabbed to death by Davis. He then left the body in the house, drove off with Sanford’s van, and injured himself in a car accident. As Davis was high while driving, he was arrested for being under the influence. The detaining officers weren’t aware of the murder until Davis’ girlfriend returned to the home later that night, and called 911 after finding her mother’s corpse.
106. Anthony Banks (~1978-2013, lethal injection): In 1978, while robbing a grocery store, Banks shot and killed a clerk, 22 year old David Fremin. A year later, he abducted Sun Travis, a 24 year old South Korean immigrant, from a parking lot. He then sexually assaulted Travis in his car and shot her in the head. Although he was captured and convicted for Fremin's murder, Travis' killing went unsolved until a 1997 DNA test. Banks was originally sentenced to death for Fremin's murder, but it was lifted in favor of a life sentence. He was condemned for a second time after his conviction for Travis murder.
107. Ronald Lott (~1980s-2013, lethal injection): A sexual predator of elderly women, Lott broke into the homes of 93 year old Zelma Cutler and 83 year old Anna Fowler after cutting off their power. They were tied up with cloth, anally penetrated, beaten, and suffocated to death with pillowcases. The case attracted controversy when another man was erroneously condemned for the murders, and he spent 11 years on death row until a 1997 DNA test linked the murders to Lott. At the time of the discovery, Lott was serving time for two rape convictions.
108. Johnny Black (~1984-2013, lethal injection): Black, two of his brothers, and two other men went looking for a man they feuded with for a fight. While they were crusing on the road, the group encountered a rancher, 54 year old Bill Pogue, and mistook him for their target due to them driving similar vehicles. They forced Poque off the road, pulled him out of his car, and stabbed him a total of 10 times. Pogue's son in law was also dragged out and attacked, but he managed to escape with his life. Black was previously convicted of manslaughter for shooting 49 year old Cecil Martin dead in an argument.
109. Michael Wilson (1995-2014, lethal injection): Wilson was the third participant in the above mentioned beating death of Richard Yost to be executed.
110. Kenneth Hogan (1988-2014, lethal injection): Hogan stabbed 21 year old Lisa Stanley to death while she was babysitting his children. According to autopsy reports, she was stabbed at least 25 times. Stanley had previously accused him of sexual misconduct, and prosecutors believed that she was killed during an argument over the allegations.
111. Clayton Lockett (~1992-2014, lethal injection): Lockett, his cousin, and another accomplice kidnapped 23 year old Bobby Bornt, 18 year old Summer Hair, and Bornt's 9 month son after burglarizing a home. After tying them up with duct tape, they forced their captives to lure a friend, 19 year old Stephanie Neiman, with a phone call. Neiman was also bound and initially survived getting shot multiple times. Out of frustration, Lockett buried her alive, and she succumbed to a combination of suffocation and her injuries. Lockett and his accomplices also gang-raped Hair and beat Bornt, but spared them on the forced condition of their silence. His execution was controversial, as Lockett convulsed for 45 minutes after being injected, and then died from a heart attack. He also had a long criminal history, and was first arrested for burglary as a teenager.
112. Charles Warner (1997-2015, lethal injection): Warner raped his girlfriend's daughter, 11 month old Adriana Waller, and shook her to death. His execution sparked outcry, as the wrong fatal drug was administered by mistake, and Warner complained of "burning pain" as he was being injected. With the botched executions of Lockett and Warner back to back, the state of Oklahoma delayed further executions until 2021.
113. John Grant (~1970s-2021, lethal injection): While serving a 130 year sentence for armed robbery, Grant stabbed a prison cafeteria worker, 58 year old Gay Carter, to death. He had a long criminal history dating back to the ag e of 11, had several previous convictions of theft and armed robbery, and frequently fought with and assaulted other inmates behind bars. Due to reports of "adverse reactions" to the lethal drugs, Grant's execution was scrutinized by a number of national media outlets.
114. Bigler Stouffer II (1985-2021, lethal injection): Stouffer shot and killed his ex girlfriend, 35 year old Linda Reaves, in her boyfriend's home for breaking up with him. Reaves' boyfriend was also seriously injured in the shooting.
115. Donald Grant (2001-2022, lethal injection): During a robbery of a hotel, Grant fatally shot, stabbed, and bludgeoned two employees, 43 year old Felicia Smith and 29 year old Brenda McElyea, and ran off with $1,500. He spent $200 of the stolen on paying for his girlfriend's bail.
116. Gilbert Postelle (~1998-2022, lethal injection): Postelle’s father was badly injured in a motorcycle accident, and they suspected that 57 year old James Anderson, 56 year old Terry Smith, 49 year old Donnie Swindler, and 26 year old Amy Wright were deliberately involved. Out a desire for vengeance, he recruited Postelle, his other son, and another man to kill them. All four victims were fatally gunned down in what was described as a “blitz attack” on their trailer. He was an addict and had several arrests for drug possession and manufacturing dating back to the age of 12.
117. James Coddington (1997-2022, lethal injection): After robbing a grocery store, Coddington went to the home of a friend and co worker, 73 year old Albert Hale, to ask for money. When Hale turned him down, Coddington retaliated by beating him with a claw hammer. Coddington stole $525 and went on to rob 5 more grocery stores. Hale was left alone with his injures for nearly an entire day until he was discovered by his son, and died in the hospital a day later.
118. Benjamin Cole Sr. (2002-2022, lethal injection): Out of anger that her crying interrupted his Nintendo game, Cole beat his daughter from his second wife, 9 month old Brianna, to death. He was previously convicted of abusing his son from a different marriage in California.
119. Richard Fairchild (1996-2023, lethal injection): Fairchild got into a fight with his girlfriend’s 17 year old daughter after making drunken sexual passes at her, and was enraged that she left with a cab driver. He took his anger out on the girl’s younger brother, 3 year old Adam Broomhall, and scalded him with a wall heater. He then repeatedly hit the boy, threw him against a table, and fatally hemorrhaged his head. Bromhall received over 26 blows during the beating.
120. Scott Eizember (2003-2023, lethal injection): Eizember snuck into his ex girlfriend's house to lie in wait for her. However, her roommates, 76 year old A.J. Cantrell and his 70 year old wife Patsy, arrived home earlier then she did. He shot and beat them both to death and then fled the scene.
121. Jemaine Cannon (1995-2023, lethal injection): Cannon was put in prison for assaulting an unidentified woman. He managed to escape and stabbed his girlfriend, 20 year old Sharonda Clark, to death in her apartment.
122. Anthony Sanchez (1996-2023, lethal injection): Sanchez kidnapped 21 year old Jewell Busken from her apartment complex, and then raped and shot her to death. He amassed a following from the anti death penalty movement for claiming that his father was responsible, but such notions were debunked following a 2023 DNA test that concluded Sanchez’s guilt.
123. Phillip Hancock (~1982-2023, lethal injection): In 1982, Hancock shot a drug dealer, 27 year old Charles Warren, dead in a dispute over stolen jewelry and was given a manslaughter conviction for it. He was released after serving a 2 year term. About 17 years later, he shot and killed 58 year old James Lynch III and 37 year old Robert Jett Jr. in a drug house. Despite an eyewitness account describing Lynch and Jett begging for their lives, the case attracted scrutiny when Hancock's attorneys claimed that the shootings were done in self defense.
124. Michael Smith (~2002-2024, lethal injection): A member of the Oak Grove Posse gang, Smith was responsible for two separate fatal shootings on the same day. In one of his murders, he killed Sharath Pulluru, a 24 year old Indian immigrant that worked as a clerk, while robbing a gas station. The other murder occurred when he tried to confront a gang member that he thought was a police informant in his apartment, and gunned down the target’s mother, 40 year old Janet Miller-Moore, when she refused to give away her son’s location. Smith was also given a life sentence for delivering a gun to a shooter that carried out another gang killing.

This is the list that I wrote for Oklahoma's execution roster since the nationwide reinstatement of capital punishment in the late 1970s. Something that should be mentioned is that given the nature of many death penalty related crimes, many of the descriptions contain very disturbing details. Please read at your own risk.
Florida's list is next, and I'll post my list for Texas once I've completed it. With Texas, I've currently finished 464 entries out of the 587 cases to date. That will probably take 7 or 8 posts for it all to be released, so I'll probably do two posts a day with Texas to avoid spamming the sub. At the end of this year, I'll repost the states that have conducted further executions with the updated information.
As with Missouri and Virginia, Reddit's maximum character count limitations forced me to divide Oklahoma's list into two separate parts. Here is the link to part 2.
The currently 124 executed offenders, cases 1 to 62:
1. Charles Coleman (~1950s-1990, lethal injection): A month after he was released on parole in 1979, Coleman broke into a house. While sacking it for any valuables, the homeowner’s brother and sister in law, 68 year old John and 62 year old Roxie Seward, walked in on him and were both shot dead. Coleman stole Roxie’s purse, several packets of frozen meat, and the homeowner’s watch during the burglary, and was arrested shortly afterwards. However, Coleman managed to escape custody, and went on a rampage that involved several burglaries, auto thefts, slitting the throat of a policeman in a failed murder attempt, the shooting death of 49 year old Russell Lewis Jr. in a carjacking, and the abduction of a deputy. The kidnapped deputy was rescued following an armed standoff with other police officers. Coleman had an extensive history of animal cruelty, armed robberies, assaults, and carrying concealed weapons convictions dating back to when he was 11 years old. He was also heavily suspected in the murder of his teenage girlfriend’s father, but was acquitted by the courts despite the prosecution’s strong belief in his guilt.
2. Robyn Parks (1977-1992, lethal injection): During a gas station robbery, Parks shot and killed Abdullah Ibrahim, a 24 year old Bangladeshi immigrant that worked as the attendant. According to Parks, he murdered Ibrahim for catching him using a stolen credit card.
3. Olan Randle (1980-1992, lethal injection): Randle invaded a home and shot the occupants, 41 year old Robert Swinford, Sinford's fiance 42 year old Averil Bourque, and Bourque's friend 38 year old Julia Lovejoy, dead. He took a pocket knife and several watches from the victims.
4. Thomas Grasso (~1970s(?)-1995, lethal injection): While living in Oklahoma, Grasso strangled 87 year old Hilda Johnson, the best friend of his girlfriend's grandmother, to death with her Christmas lights. He took $8 from her purse, several coins that added up to $4, and a television set that he sold for $125. Grasso then moved to New York, and strangled 81 year old Leslie Holtz for his social security check. The trialing arrangements caused some controversy, as the New York governors at the time were anti death penalty, and tried to prevent Grasso's extradition in favor of giving him a life sentence in their jurisdiction. Grasso had several previous convictions for theft and was fired multiple times for stealing from his jobs.
5. Roger Stafford (~1974(?)-1995, lethal injection): Stafford was condemned for killing at least 9 people in two separate robbery incidents with his brother and ex wife, though his ex wife claimed that he was involved with as many as 34 murders nationwide. The first convicted incident was when he and the ex wife carjacked and fatally shot a couple, 38 year old Melvin and 31 year old Linda Lorenz, and their son, 12 year old Richard. A few weeks after the Lorenz murders, Stafford stormed a restaurant and gunned down 6 employees, 56 year old Isaac Freeman, 43 year old Louis Zacarias, 17 year old Anthony Tew, 17 year old David Lindsey, 16 year old David Salsman, and 15 year old Terri Horst. One of Stafford's additional attributed victims was 20 year old Jimmy Berry, who was killed in the hold up of an Alabaman McDonalds, but he wasn't charged by the state due to his death sentences in Oklahoma.
6. Robert Brecheen (1983-1995, lethal injection): Breechen was involved in a feud over money with 59 year old Mary Stubbs and her husband. In an attempt to take what he perceived was owed to him, Breechen carried out a night time burglary of their home. While rummaging through the house, Breechen stumbled upon old Marie in her living room and shot her to death. The gunshots and screams awoke her husband, and he chased him away with his own gun.
7. Benjamin Brewer (1978-1996, lethal injection): Brewer raped his neighbor, 20 year old Karen Stapleton, in her home and stabbed her to death
8. Steven Hatch (1979-1996, lethal injection): Hatch and another assailant, Glen Ake, forced themselves inside the home that Richard Dougass, a 43 year old reverend, shared with his wife, 36 year old Marilyn, and their two children, 16 year old Brooks and 12 year old Lesile. The pair tied up the family and raped Lesile in front of her parents and brother. All four family members were shot, and Hatch and Ake ran off with $43 and the parents’ wedding rings. Richard and Marilyn were both killed in the shootings, while their children survived the attack. Ake was also initially condemned for the attack, but his sentence was overturned and resentenced to life following mental health concerns, and passed away from undisclosed natural causes in 2011.
9. Scott Carpenter (1994-1997, lethal injection): In a convenience store robbery, Carpenter stabbed the owner, 56 year old A. J. Kelley, in the neck, and hid the body in the minnow room. He filled his truck with $37 worth of gas from the pumps and drove away from the scene. His execution caused some controversy, as it was reported that Carpenter gasped and spasmed for 11 minutes after being injected.
10. Michael Long (1997-1998, lethal injection): Enraged that his coworker, 24 year old Sheryl Graber, refused him sex and started screaming for help, he stabbed her over 31 times. Long also shot and killed her son, 5 year old Andrew, for being a witness.
11. Stephen Wood (1992-1998, lethal injection): While heavily intoxicated, Wood stabbed two other homeless men, 46 year old Charles Stephen and 34 year old Charles Von Johnson, dozens of times each. He was given a life sentence for both of their murders. During his incarceration, Robert Brigden, a 59 year old former minister that was serving a 40 year sentence for molesting several girls between the ages of 4-14 in his congregation, moved into his unit after refusing to go into protective custody. Woods killed Brigden in a stabbing attack, and his sentence was escalated to death by the courts for it.
12. Tuan Anh Nguyen (~1982-1998, lethal injection): By all accounts, Nguyen was jealously possessive over his wife, 21 year old Donna. During one of their arguments over his behavior, he stabbed Donna, her 6 year old nephew Joseph White, and her 3 year old niece Amanda White, in their home and left the bodies to be found by the children’s parents. He fled to Arizona, groomed a 14 year old girl into an illicit “relationship”, and impregnated her. After he convinced her to move in with him, Nguyen physically and sexually abused the girl until she fled and went to the local police for help. Nguyen was then deported back to Oklahoma to face trial for Donna and the White children’s slayings, and was sentenced to death for them.
13. John Duvall (1986-1998, lethal injection): During a fight with his wife, 30 year old Donna, Duvall stabbed and suffocated her to death with a pillow.
14. John Castro Sr. (1983-1999, lethal injection): Castro carjacked Beulah Cox, a 31 year old Oklahoma State University student, after she picked him up hitchhiking and shot her to death. A few months later, Castro held up a restaurant with an empty pistol, and attacked the manger, 29 year old Rhonda Pappan, after forcing her to open the register. During their struggle, Pappan was fatally stabbed, and he took off with her purse. During his mid teens, Castro was allegedly molested by his mother. Castro's attorneys made the argument that his glimpses of Cox's buttocks reminded him of his mother's reported abuse, and he was triggered into attacking her for it.
15. Sean Sellers (1985-1999, lethal injection): In 1985, a then 15 year old Sellers tried to buy beer from a convenience store, but the clerk, 32 year old Robert Bower, denied him due to being underaged at the time. Sellers gunned him down in a fit of rage. A year later, Sellers shot and killed his mother, 32 year old Vonda Bellofatto, and stepfather, 43 year old Paul, in their sleep. Due to being 16 at the time of his conviction, Sellers remains the youngest condemned offender to have his sentence carried out in the post Furman era. He also attracted national media attention for claiming that his crimes were the result of demonic possession.
16. Scotty Moore (1983-1999, lethal injection): Moore was fired from a motel for undisclosed reasons. In retaliation, Moore and a cousin (whom he was dating at the time), assaulted the motel, and gunned down the desk clerk, 42 year old Alex Fernandez. According to court documents, the pair took a total of $97 in the robbery.
17. Norman Newsted (1984-1999, lethal injection): Newsted tricked Lawrence Buckley, a 26 year old cab driver, into picking him up. He shot Buckley dead and took his wallet. In an attempt to cover his tracks, Newsted placed the body inside the cab, and drove it into a creek near a local church. Despite his best efforts, Buckley’s cab and remains were discovered a day later by the church’s pastor.
18. Cornel Cooks (1982-1999, lethal injection): Cooks and his accomplice broke into the home of 87 year old Jennie Ridling. She was gagged, raped, and suffocated to death with gauze wrappings. According to autopsy reports, the pair abused her for over 2 hours. They then sacked the house for any valuables and left with her checkbook.
19. Bobby Ross (1983-1999, lethal injection): While robbing an inn, Ross fatally shot a police officer, 30 year old Steve Mahan, that tried to intervene.
20. Malcolm Johnson (~1970s(?)-2000, lethal injection): Johnson invaded the apartment of 76 year old Ura Thompson and sexually assaulted her. Thompson either died from having her chest compounded during the abuse or was suffocated by Johnson’s hands covering her nose. He seized several possessions such as furs, typewriters, purse, watch, rings, and a hand mirror, which were discovered by police in his residence during an unrelated investigation of a firearms possession charge. Johnson had an extensive criminal history, which included several convictions of rape, armed robberies, and burglaries. The case attracted controversy when it was discovered that the lead chemist in the investigation misconducted several of her other cases, and forged some of the evidence used in the trial. Despite the other overwhelming evidence to the contrary, Johnson’s supporters took the opportunity to push a narrative of his innocence.
21. Gary Walker (~1960s-2000, lethal injection): Walker abducted, raped, and murdered at least 5 women, 36 year old Margaret Lydick, 35 year old Jane Hilburn, 32 year old Janet Jewell, 25 year old Valerie Shaw-Hartzell, and 24 year old DeRonda Roy, and non fatally assaulted several other women and teenage girls. The victims were mostly strangled to death with their bras and panties. Some of them were forced to withdraw hundreds of dollars from ATMs before they were killed. He also strangled a man, 63 year old Eddie Cash, with an electrical cord while robbing his home. Walker had dozens of previous convictions for burglary, carjacking, drug possession, and carrying concealed weapons. Some of his earliest arrests occurred when he was a teenager.
22. Michael Roberts (~1988-2000, lethal injection): A career burglar, Roberts was condemned for murder of 80 year old Lula Brooks. She was raped and her throat was slit by an intruder in her home. Roberts' death sentence and execution has been contested, as he was convicted on his later recounted testimony alone. He claimed that the investigators tricked him into confessing with the promise of a plea deal that was allegedly withheld from him.
23. Kelly Rogers (1990-2000, lethal injection): Rogers’ girlfriend lured 21 year old Karen Lauffenburger into her apartment with a fake pizza order. They accosted her when she arrived with the delivery. After the couple forced Lauffenburger to hand to over the $40 she earned from the night's pizza deliveries and withdraw $175 from an ATM, Rogers raped and stabbed her to death. The body was left in Lauffenburger’s apartment and was found by her boyfriend.
24. Ronald Boyd (1986-2000, lethal injection): During a robbery spree of several gas stations and supermarkets, Boyd engaged in a shootout with the responding officers. A Master Patrolman, 32 year old Richard Riggs, was killed in the exchange.
25. Charles Foster (~1980s(?)-2000, lethal injection): Foster suspected a grocery store owner, 74 year old Claude Wiley, of making sexual advances at his wife. He arranged for her to entice Wiley to their home with an order. When he arrived with the delivery, Foster stabbed and bludgeoned him to death with a baseball bat. He a history of convictions involving threats and violence, though my sources didn’t disclose any specific details.
26. James Robedeaux (1978-2000, lethal injection): In 1978, Robedeaux strangled his first wife, 30 year old Linda, and plead guilty to a second degree murder charges. He was released after serving 6 out of a 25 year sentence despite an escape attempt. In the following year, he began a relationship with 37 year old Nancy McKinney while he married a different woman. During an argument, Robedeaux beat McKinney to death, dismembered her body with a saw and machete, and scattered the remains across the state. While being investigated for McKinney's murder, he was arrested for choking and beating his estranged second wife. The cases were incidental and kept separate by the courts.
27. Roger Berget (~1985-2000, lethal injection): Berget carjacked and abducted 33 year old Rick Patterson with an accomplice, and shot him dead. He also admitted to the beating death of a roommate, 40 year old James Meadows, on the behalf of the man's wife. As a trivial side note, Berget's brother Rodney was executed in 2018 by the state of South Dakota for killing a prison guard [for more information, please see Rodney Berget's entry under the South Dakota section of my states with less then 10 executions post].
28. William Bryson (1988-2000, lethal injection): To collect a $300,000 life insurance policy, Marilyn Plantz recruited her boyfriend Byrson and his friend to kill her husband, 33 year old James. Byrson and his friend ambushed Plantz in his house as he was coming home from work and beat him to death with a baseball bat. With the intentions of staging an accident, Marilyn ordered the pair to burn the body in the couple's pickup truck.
29. Gregg Braun (1989-2000, lethal injection): Across several states, Braun shot and killed 4 women, 48 year old Geraldine Valdez, 31 year old Gwendolyn Miller, 28 year old Mary Rains, 27 year old Barbara Kochendorfer, and one man, 54 year old Pete Spurrier, while robbing stores.
30. George Wallace (~1970s-2000, lethal injection): Known as "the Mad Paddler" due to his habit of spanking abducted preteen and teenage boys with a wooden paddle, Wallace kidnapped his victims by posing as a police officer. After duping his targets into thinking that they were being arrested, Wallace restrained them with handcuffs and leg chains. The captives were then sexually abused and shot or stabbed to death. His crimes were exposed when an 18 year old man he abducted escaped from him despite being shot and stabbed numerous times. By his own admission, Wallace murdered 18 year old Thomas Reed, 15 year old William Domer, 14 year old Mark McLaughlin, 14 year old Jeffrey Foster, and 12 year old Alonzo Cade.
31. Eddie Trice (1987-2001, lethal injection): Trice snuck into the home of 84 year old Ernestine Jones and raped her. After he beat Jones to death with numbchucks, he terrorized and extorted her cognitively disabled son of $500 with threats of killing him if he told anyone of the murder. The son was also assaulted with a hammer, and he received injuries to his right eye, right cheekbone, and his right forearm.
32. Wanda Allen (~1981-2001, lethal injection): In 1981, Allen got into a fight with her live in girlfriend, 21 year old Dedra Pettus, and shot her dead. Despite giving a bungled story about her being accidentally killed in a shootout with Pettus’ ex boyfriend to the investigators, Allen managed to secure a 4 year sentence for manslaughter after pleading guilty to a plea deal, and was released after serving two years. While incarcerated, she started dating a fellow inmate, 29 year old Gloria Leathers, and continued their relationship outside of prison. The couple’s relationship was marred with extreme domestic violence on Allen’s end. In one incident, Allen struck Leathers with a rake. In 1989, while they were arguing in front of a shopping center, Allen shot and killed Leathers. Leathers herself also had history of violence, and had a conviction for stabbing a woman to death. Allen and her defense team tried to use Leathers’ previous convictions to make a self defense argument, but that was shot down by the courts.
33. Floyd Medlock (1990-2001, lethal injection): 7 year old Katherine Busch went to visit her family's old apartment, which Medlock was residing in, by herself. Busch knocked on the door and Medlock let her inside after she begged for food. He then choked and sexually assaulted the girl, dunked her head in a toilet bowl, and stabbed her to death. The body was hidden in a nearby dumpster. Busch's grandmothers were staunch pro capital punishment and anti death penalty activists respectively, and their public feud over Medlock's sentence and execution attracted some media attention. Medlock also had an extensive criminal history despite being only 19 at the time of Busch's murder, and was previously arrested several times for indecent exposure, arson, armed robbery, and marijuana possession.
34. Dion Smallwood (1992-2001, lethal injection): Smallwood walked into the home of his ex girlfriend's adoptive stepmother, 68 year old Lois Frederick, without invitation. He had a tumultuous and often violent relationship with her adopted stepdaughter that she strongly opposed, and they broke up under her pressure. After an argument, Smallwood knocked Frederick unconscious with a croquet mallet, locked her in a car, and burned her alive in it.
35. Mark Fowler (1985-2001, lethal injection): To get back at his ex employers for firing him, Fowler and his partner, Billy Fox, stormed a supermarket that he used to work out. The pair rounded up 3 employees, Chumpon Chaowasin, a 44 year old Thai immigrant, 33 year old Rick Cast, and 27 year old John Barrier, at gun point. Their hostages were shot, clubbed, and stabbed to death, and they took over $2,7000 in cash and checks.
36. Billy Fox (1985-2001, lethal injection): Fox assisted the above mentioned Mark Fowler in robbing a supermarket and murdering 3 of its employees
37. Loyd Lafevers (1985-2001, lethal injection): Lafevers and his accomplice, Randall Cannon, kidnapped 84 year old Addie Hawley from her home. She was raped, trapped in the trunk of a car, and burned alive in it. Although she was rescued, Hawley died from her injuries 6 hours later. The pair stole Hawley's wedding ring and Lafevers gifted it to a stripper. As Hawley's nephew was a Colorado state senator, her murder gained some attention from media outlets.
38. Dorsie Jones Jr. (1979-2001, lethal injection): While drinking at a bar, a barmaid chastised Jones for carrying an unconcealed gun. He shot at her in a fit of rage, but missed and injured his female companion instead. Jones then turned his attention to the other patrons and fired on them. 48 year old Stanley Buck Sr. was killed in front of his 19 year old son, who was also wounded in the shooting.
39. Robert Clayton (~1980s-2001, lethal injection): Clayton attacked 19 year old Rhonda Timmons while she was sunbathing near her apartment. She was raped, stabbed, kicked in the head, and strangled to death with her swimming suit. Her husband found Timmons' body laying next to their infant daughter, who was left unharmed. Clayton had a previous rape conviction in Tennessee and a robbery conviction in Texas.
40. Ronald Fluke (1997-2001, lethal injection): Out of despair that his gambling addiction drove his family to near poverty, Fluke shot and killed his wife, 44 year old Ginger, and their daughters, 13 year old Kathryn and 11 year old Susanne, while they were sleeping in their bedrooms. He initially attacked Ginger with a hatchet, but turned to shooting when she fought back.
41. Marilyn Plantz (1988-2001, lethal injection): The married girlfriend of William Bryson. As mentioned under Bryson's entry, Plantz arranged for him and his friend to kill her husband James to collect his life insurance policy.
42. Terrance James (1983-2001, lethal injection): While awaiting trial for a theft of government property charge, James and two accomplices strangled a fellow inmate, 25 year old Mark Berry, with wire out of their suspicions of him being a snitch. They then hung the body in an attempt to make it look like a suicide. Berry was another party in the theft of government property case, and James and his accomplices believed that it was his testimony that got them arrested.
43. Vincent Johnson (1991-2001, lethal injection): Johnson gunned down 44 year old Shirley Mooneyham in her home. The prosecution believed that Mooneyham's boyfriend arranged the killing to collect a life insurance policy, but he was acquitted at trial.
44. Jerald Harjo (~1980s-2001, lethal injection): Harjo snuck into the bedroom of 64 year old Ruth Porter, raped her, and suffocated her with a pillowcase. He then snatched Porter's car keys and drove off with her van. His past criminal history was extensive, and was in prison numerous times for burglary and autotheft.
45. Jack Walker (1988-2001, lethal injection): Disgruntled with the custody dispute over their then 3 month old son, Walker stabbed his ex girlfriend, 17 year old Shelly Ellison, and her uncle, 30 year old Donald, 32 and 11 times with an ice pick during a confrontation at their home.
46. Alvie Hale Jr. (1983-2001, lethal injection): Hale kidnapped 24 year old William Perry to extort a $350,000 ransom from his banking family. When the negotiations failed, Perry was shot dead, and Hale buried the body on his father's property.
47. Lois Smith (1982-2001, lethal injection): Smith, her son, and a female accomplice abducted her son's ex girlfriend, 21 year old Cindy Baillee, from an airport out of fear her testifying of his involvement in the drug trade. Baillee was taken to Smith's ex husband's house, and stabbed in the throat by her ex boyfriend while driving to their destination. Inside the home, she was taunted by Smith with a gun, and was shot 7 times in the chest and 2 times in the back of the head. While her son was reloading the gun, Smith jumped on and crushed Bailee's throat.
48. Sahib Lateef Al-Mosawi (1992-2001, lethal injection): Following a dispute over their newborn son's name, Al-Mosawi's estranged wife, 26 year old Inaam Al-Nashi, fled to the apartment of her uncle, 45 year old Mohammed. Al-Mosaw attacked the pair in the apartment and stabbed them to death. Inaam's sister was also stabbed, but she managed to escape with her life. The couple and their families were refugees from Iraq that were displaced by the First Persian Gulf War, and they fled into the United States.
49. John Romano (1985-2002, lethal injection): Romano and his accomplice David Woodruff robbed and murdered two of their acquaintances. One of the victims, 63 year old Lloyd Thompson, was attacked in his apartment. Thompson was held down by the pair while they stabbed him 22 times and served his spinal cord. The other victim, 52 year old Roger Sarfaty, was tied up, beaten, stabbed 5 times, and strangled to death in a jewelry store he owned. In the robberies, Romano and Woodruff stole several pieces of jewelry from Sarfaty, and took most of Thompson’s quarter collection.
50. David Woodruff (1985-2002, lethal injection): As mentioned under John Romano's entry, Woodruff took part in the robbery murders of Lloyd Thompson and Roger Sarfaty.
51. Randall Cannon (1985-2002, lethal injection): Cannon assisted Loyd Lafevers in abducting, sexually assaulting, and burning Addie Hawley alive in her car. Although he was acquitted of molesting Hawley, Cannon was still condemned for his part in the kidnapping and murder.
52. Earl Frederick Sr. (~1989-2002, lethal injection): Frederick beat Bradford Beck, a 41 year old veteran that was crippled during his service in the Vietnam war, to death in his home after befriending him. He ransacked the house and dumped Beck's body in a field. A second murder, the robbery and shooting death of a Texan man, 77 year old Shirley Fox, was also tied to him. However, authorities in Texas withheld from prosecuting Fredrick due to his death penalty trial and conviction in Oklahoma. Both Fox and Beck had physical disabilities, which led prosecutors to the conclusion that Frederick intentionally selected and depredated on disabled men.
53. Jerry McCracken (~1980s(?)-2002, lethal injection): McCracken and his accomplice shot up a bar, killed 3 patrons and the bartender, and made off with $350. The victims that lost their lives were 41 year old Carol McDaniels, 37 year old Timothy Sheets, 34 year old Steven Sheets, and 27 year old Tyrrell Boyd. Months before the mass shooting, McCracken was paroled after serving time for stabbing 3 people in a bar fight.
54. Jay Neill (1984-2002, lethal injection): During a bank robbery, Neill disemboweled and nearly decapitated 3 tellers, 42 year old Kay Bruno, 25 year old Joyce Mullenix, and 19 year old Jerri Bowles. A group of 4 customers, consisting of 33 year old Ralph Zeller, a married couple, and their 14 month old daughter, unwittingly walked in on him, and he herded them into a backroom to be shot. Zeller was killed, the couple were wounded, and Neill left the daughter unharmed due to running out of bullets. Neill's boyfriend was given a life sentence for the robbery and murders, despite not being directly involved.
55. Ernest Carter Jr. (~1989-2002, lethal injection): After being fired from an autoshop, Carter robbed it with an accomplice, and fatally shot a security guard, 35 year old Eugene Manowski. The pair stole the shop's tow truck, and later tried to burn it with Carter's girlfriend to destroy any traces of the crime. Carter was also previously accused of burning a friend to death in the previous year, but the charges were dismissed.
56. Daniel Revilla (1987-2003, lethal injection): While babysitting his girlfriend's son, 13 month old Mark Gomez, in their home, Revilla broke the boy’s ribs in a beating and scalded him with boiling water. When he brought the boy to a hospital, Revilla gave a story that he accidentally hit Gomez’s head with a door handle, which was quickly seen through by the staff. According to the accounts of his girlfriend and her family, Revilla was violently abusive to Gomez, and they recounted incidents of him trapping the boy in a kitchen drawer, dunking him in cold water, folding him into a pull up bed, and hanging him by his ankles with duct tape.
57. Bobby Fields (~1990s-2003, lethal injection): Fields shot and killed 77 year old Louise Schem while burglarizing her home. She had tried to shot him with her .25 calibre pistol, but he wrestled the gun away from her, and gunned her down with it. His intentions was to steal Schem's television set to sell for cocaine, but left empty handed after losing his nerves with the struggle and murder. According to court documents, Fields had a previous robbery and assault conviction, and several arrests for drug possession.
58. Walanzo Robinson (1989-2003, lethal injection): A member of the Gangster Bloods street gang, Robinson shot and killed 26 year old Dennis Hill, an affiliate of a rival gang, in a turf war over drug sales.
59. John Hooker (~1971-2003, lethal injection): As a teenager in 1971, Hooker attended a party at a friend's house, and got into an argument. In a fit of anger, he fatally shot 18 year old Alta Lang, and wounded two other partygoers. Due to the witnesses refusing to cooperate with the investigation and being unable to prove any calculated intentions, Hooker was given a manslaughter conviction, and released a few years later. After he was paroled, Hooker started dating Sylvia Stokes, and fathered several children with her. Their troubled relationship lasted for 8 years, and ended when Stokes filed a protection order against him. In retaliation, Hooker lured Stokes and her mother, 53 year old Durcilla Morgan, into his apartment and stabbed them both to death.
60. Scot Hain (~1980s-2003, lethal injection): Hain carjacked and abducted a couple, 27 year old Michael Houghton and 22 year old Laura Sanders. After taking $565 and some bags of clothing, he forced them into the trunk of their car at gunpoint, and burned them alive in it. He had several previous arrests for robbery, and was involved with a number of rapes and attempted kidnappings months before the Houghton and Sanders' murders.
61. Don Hawkins Jr. (1985-2003, lethal injection): Hawkins kidnapped 29 year old Linda Ann Thompson and her two daughters, aged 4 years old and 18 months old, from a mall. Although his original intentions were to ransom off Thompson and her children, Hawkins gang raped the captive woman with his cousin and his girlfriend's teenage nephew, and drowned her in a lake. Thompson's children were spared and simply left with a babysitter. Hawkins and his accomplice then went on a nation wide rampage with his accomplice that involved the abductions and rapes of several grown women and teenage girls, hanging 31 year old David Coupez of Colorado in his home while robbing him, and countless other robberies.
62. Larry Jackson (~1984-2003, lethal injection): In 1984, Jackson shot and killed his girlfriend, 19 year old Freda Washington. He accepted a plea deal that dumbed down the charges to second degree murder, and was given a 30 year sentence for it. During his incarceration, Jackson started a relationship with 29 year old Wendy Cade. Despite her promises of marriage after his release, Cade left him for another man, and they got engaged. When Jackson was assigned to a prison work crew, he snuck out and went to confront Cade. Reportedly, the two had bought alchool, cocaine, and cigerates together and had sex in Cade's apartment. However, they got into an argument, and he slashed Cade's throat and stabbed her 31 times with box cutters. Jackson then left with her jewelry, watch, and the keys to her jeep.

Struggling or failing? It's time to own it. Nice guys hide their flaws, trying to put on a false impression of who they are in order to impress others. We don't do that. We're up-front and honest with the fact that we're sinners and failures. James 5:16 compels us to confess our sins to one another and to pray for one another. 1 John 1:9 goes even a step further and makes confession a cornerstone of the Gospel - acknowledging that we are insufficient on our own. So, where are you failing? What do you need to confess?
To do this, it would be helpful to get to know how you're doing in a variety of areas. To that end, just as God is triune, he created us with three core parts of our being: our physical bodies, our heart/mind, and our spirit/soul. Try to cover all three. Use the questions in each category as inspiration, but roll with whatever you need to put out there.
PHYSICAL: How are you doing with lifting? Losing weight? Where's your body fat %? What have you been eating lately? How about your porn/alcohol/drug/cigarette/whatever use? Are you employing kino on your wife properly? Are you going too far with your girlfriend? How's your fashion sense? Are you still lounging around the house in gym shorts and using your ratty flip flops when you go out? How are you spending your time? How's your income doing? Your body is God's temple: are you reflecting that appropriately? For married men: how's your sex life?
MENTAL/EMOTIONAL: How have you been doing reading and learning new things? How's your frame? Do you still struggle with living up to someone else's expectations? Have you mastered Agree & Amplify? Amused Mastery? Negative Inquiry? STFU? Your DNGAF attitude? Are you failing fitness or comfort tests? How are you leading your wife/girlfriend this week? Do you feel pressure from any sources to do something or to act/not act a certain way? Are you depressed or lonely? Are you secure in your heart/mind that God's will is good, even if it's not what you want?
SPIRITUAL: How are you doing on the 7 basics? Rank yourself:

• Assurance of Salvation
• Quiet Time/Devotional
• Bible Study
• Scripture Memory
• Prayer
• Evangelism
• Fellowship

MISSION: Have you solidified your mission - and does it have eternal consequences or does it only affect this world? Does your mission extend beyond the home? Do you have someone discipling you? Are you discipling anyone else? Have you talked with your non-Christian friends about Christ recently? Are there parts of the Bible you're just not understanding? How are things going with your church or small group?
Again, these are all things just to get you thinking. Share where you're really struggling. We may give you some encouragement. We may kick you in the butt and tell you to get to work. Or we may leave you to meditate on your comment yourself. How we respond to your comment and update isn't the point. What matters is that you put it out there so you have a milestone to look back on next week - something where you can ask yourself: have I improved or not?

Don’t have any info about wife at this moment.
Full context. Posted this in an advice subreddit but I need advice asap. Didn’t do it here first cause relationship advice seems ominous cause we aren’t in a relationship, but here goes the post.
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Okay so this is going to be a lot and I hope you can follow along with what's happening. Never thought I'd come here for this. Anyways. I have this coworker and I like him. The problem is he's fucking married. Why cursing? Because he doesn't fucking wear a ring at work and I didn't know until I already liked him. Now I've been at this job about 2 years. I'm one of the newest hires in my department. Most of the older higher knew, almost as a matter of fact. I'm guessing this is the point of those dumbass Christmas parties that seem outdated and boring. It's to see if your coworkers bring freaking wives. Anyways. I want to state now that I have serious issues with cheating. Huge fuck no. That's the core of my issue. I had been working closely with this guy at my job for the last 2 years and felt like we really connected and he flirted with me (could just be friendly and I was being delusional. No way to be sure atm) and I started to develop feelings. I'd normally shoot my shot around my crush but l've been insecure about 10-15lbs weight gain since covid years so l've been a little more reserved. Still flirting but not as bold. Anyways, I found out last week that he had a WIFE. How? She brought him lunch. Crazy simple right. He forgot his lunch. And I asked another coworker and they said that was his wife so matter of factly l'm just like ok l've been flirty with this guy for almost 2 years and no one said anything (the point I thought maybe him flirting back might have been my delusion). I'm mad because l'd rather he be standoffish or show clear distancing so I could have taken the hint early and we wouldn't be here. I really like(d) him. And I want to get over it so that the d can be released from its parenthesis. Oh for context we're both late mid twenties. Trying to be vague on purpose. So this next part might be even harder to follow so I'll try to be coherent as I have a lot of emotions happening to me.
So. The kind of person I am, I will not get over this crush until I get it off my chest. I haven't had a genuine crush in a good amount of years. I don't like people easily. But like l've said I don't want to have feelings for a married man. Not only is it cliche, I'm not turning into my worst fucking nightmare this late in life (never tolerate cheating, been around cheaters, etc. so almost being 30 is late in deciding to be an awful human fucking being, imo). So at first I was just going to default to my normal self and decide to just tell him I like him a lot but I know goes married and I'm not tryna blow up his life yard yard I just wanted closure so I could move on. Innocent enough. However I've been haunted my Reddit and stupid think pieces. Plus I'm a keen contingency thinker so l eventually came to the reality that mentioning this could possibly make the husband turn away from his wife or even try to be more with me or a full slew of possibilities. Mainly stemming from how he never really put up a wall to my flirting and favoritism. Like yeah, he's still a man and could just be that dumb. But I have a good idiot-radar and he's not on it, so it felts deliberate. So then I thought I could reach out to the wife and tell her my situation and ask her what she would prefer me to do. I want to leave her husband alone but my feelings can't go away til I talk it out. Considering changing jobs, that's the nuclear option. I don't want to open her husbands eyes to the fact that I and possibly other women might/will want him if he's already morally questionable and create issues in the marriage. I know by this point I can't expect people to think and react the way I would, which would be to ignore random girl telling me I like her cause I'm married. I want to be more realistic to how society is. Which is why l'm here Reddit.
Should I ask the wife if she'd rather I just fuck off, keep it to myself, and harbor this crush for her husband in silence. Or if she'd allow me to tell him so I can move on, regardless of what he wants. Or should I just tell him and keep it pushing like the fallout has nothing to do with me. The third feels irresponsible.
One more comment before posting that I may or may not have mentioned in my ramble. I've never liked someone who had someone already. Regardless of how it happened the technicality doesn't matter it's happening and it's new. I'm afraid that if he tries to kiss me or some shit I'll kiss him back on reflex cause I do like him rn. Before realizing what's happening and being disgusted with him. Sounds crazy af I know but I'm just trying to be realistic knowing how my brain works. That's why I don't really want to sit on it. I know l'll not want him after something like that but the damage will be done as far as the wife is concerned. And no I haven't talked to him about the wife. Or the lack of ring. I kinda hate him right now for not disclosing but he never did anything explicit so I can't hate him fr. I have a hate for him that is clearly stemming from my affection and love for him which is why I'm so alarmed right now. Trying not to be a red flag but even my green flag option sounds like a crazy ass bitch plotting on a family. So, what should I do.
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EDIT: I will no longer entertain or respond to any post telling me to seek therapy. Cause for one I’m not fucking crazy. I’m trying to be understanding cause my post is all over the place and a lot of y’all be lying to delusional about your emotions but I am not. To clarify. I don’t have some weird need or want to tell the wife. Under everyday circumstances, I would have told this coworker how I used to feel (always best to say it in past tense so they don’t think it’s a door open situation) and move on. I know my emotions. I have healthy ways of dealing with it. I have been to therapy. Your hypothetical beliefs on therapy are not constructive advice. You’re just wasting my time. I have to address my emotion, whether it’s good or bad, to whoever it is the emotion is stemming from. As a person I need to say it out loud to move on. Been doing it for almost 20 years. If he was single I’d already be halfway to finding a new work husband. But I’ve never been in a situation where there was another party connected so I stopped myself from doing my default, mainly due to reddit horror stories, and considered the possibility of consulting the wife. In my initial mind frame, it didn’t matter to me if he responded, I just needed to say it. Regardless I wont even up with him cause he’ll either be a cheater or fickle. Both are nos. In fact telling the wife felt like some crazy bitch shit so I just wanted unbiased people to tell me if it was as crazy as I thought or if I was actually being considerate. The one thing everyone agrees on is not involving her. I thought she could use that situation to see if her husband was fickle, cheating scum, or wholesome. (Yes I know testing a spouse is toxic but if he would cross the line that’s up to the wife to test for her peace of mind). But we are scraping that. Cool. Now all that’s left is to either tell him so I can move on, or change jobs so I won’t have a chance of seeing him and I can compartmentalize and act like I’ve never met or liked him. Those are my only two options. Staying around a married man with feelings for him is not a damn option. It’s weird. And dumb. There are two options. If you have advice that works within those or seems like it might work for someone like me who is very direct then I’ll listen. But acting like I’m crazy cause I want yall to tell me if including her was ok is annoying.
And some asked what exactly was the flirting so I might as well address that. It wasn’t anything serious. Think work husband/work wife vibe but with a single coworker who is professional. It could be in my head cause there are platonic work husband/wife relationships. I’m not some creepy bitch thinking he stared at me for 3 seconds longer than yesterday. Also we do “talk” outside of work but it’s about work. Well went about the workout when we take work home or about the manager before a meeting on a hybrid day. Nothing the wife would be concerned about tbh. He also said he didn’t have a girlfriend in the beginning when I was first hired. Granted now I can see he was probably being quirky with job icebreakers type shit cause he doesn’t have a gf he has a wife, but why would I realistically assume that with no ring. But whatever. So yeah. Help me within the confines to MY scenario and not some worst case homewrecker so elopes that it’s clear some of yall are hoping this is.
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EDIT2: something that came up that I think others could also be assuming so I should address it. When I say I want to tell him I’m not talking about some sly ass “I like you but I know we can’t be together” ass comment that really isn’t even closure it’s just something homewreckers say to feel morally just when they are testing the water for being side chicks. I would say exactly, if not something eerily similar to “I used to like you, but I’m moving past it. Thank you”. That is usually what I would say. I feel like I should add a “sorry if that made you uncomfortable. I’ll be sure to distance but stay professional around you.” Since alot of people brought up workplace issues or harassment that I think are valid concerns.
—- EDIT3: final edit before work in the am. Some of y’all wonder why I don’t just ask my friends for advice. I have for some. And the issue is they know me. So they tell me to just do what I normally do and remove myself from the situation cause if there is any fallout it was probably because he was a closet scum in the first place. But for me it’s like I came to reddit because yall don’t know me, just like the wife. I can’t expect her to understand someone like me when I know she’s probably never met someone who thought like I did (standard thing). I’d be just some suspicious bitch to her so I felt Reddit would help on how a stranger would take this scenario with added context (cause I didn’t plan on explaining semantics to wife if I did go that route). My friends just say that he’d only act out if he likes homewreckers which I’m not so it’s not my problem after I walk away. That or they tell me to switch departments. (2-1) but yeah. If you could give advice before lunch (12p) tomorrow that would be great. If not I’ll update yall with what I actually did by the end of the week. I’m not going to keep having feelings for this man so moves must be made THIS week.
UPDATE: So there were maybe 3 people who gave constructive criticism/advice between both post. I’m really only updating for yall cause the rest are either hurt individuals or cheating fantasizes and all your “advice” is really to your ex that hurt you or some weird ass cheating adjacent type solution. So I came to my conclusion after consulting the whole extended friend group. Cause unlike yall, they’ve all known me for at least 10 years and aren’t fueled by their own biases 😌. Anyways, the conclusion we came to was to ultimately tell him. We concluded that by not telling him I would be giving him special treatment and could end up solidifying the emotion. Everyone agreed I should just get it off my chest. It’s the quickest way to remove myself from this and their situation. All other options is me dragging it out which was voted a red flag for my spiraling. Although I’m sure two of my guys friends only said that cause they like seeing me do my “reverse rejection” (name they coined in undergrad). For context it was about 11 people consulted, 4 women and 7 men. Now the how is where we split but we agreed I should record my voice in case he tried to lie and make it something it’s not or if the wife ever does reach out I can give her the audio so she can use that however she likes. I’ll probably tell my manager too just so he’s in the loop like my HR friend suggested. So I’ll probably post my transcript later. I’ve never had to be around someone I got over so I would change departments if he starts acting weird. But ultimately at the end of the lunch break I’ll tell and get back to work. Tomorrow is hybrid day too so we chose today. I don’t think it will vary much from my normal prompt I’ve said before in an edit but I’ll let y’all know if I feel like it. Reddit is full of some twisted people. I get I think differently than most people, but yall really dragged your think pieces that were solely based off your own life experience which got nothing to do with me. Very unhelpful lmfao. But I started this so I should probably see it through to the end and update yall on it.
———————————————— 🚨FINAL UPDATE🚨: So I didn’t do it at lunch like I planned. He could tell I was off tho cause I was distancing and I ended up saving it for the end of the day. Thought that would be best cause we don’t come into the office on Tuesday so it would give time to minimize any fallout. I ended up saying
“hey this could be weird but I used to like you but I’m moving past it. Just wanted to be transparent since we work closely together. I didn’t know you had a wife until last week so I thought I’d just rip the bandaid. I think moving forward I should partner with James so it’s not weird. Boundaries are best. I’ll be cordial tho but yeah. Have a blessed day”
Then I just walked to my car. He texted me like an hour after to apologize(?) and make sure that we’re still cool and make sure it’s not weird Wednesday when we get back in the office. He actually asked if we could still be friends, which doesn’t matter much to me. But yeah. I think this chapter is over. I feel a lot better now.
————Do Not Need to Read Below————-
I do want to clarify some things for those who care. Probably those who came after all this wrapped up. I want to address some points. Advice that is not based or related with my reality is not advice. It’s cannon fodder for a web novel. Advice from your perspective that would have been helpful include:

1. a wife giving how she’d feel and whether she’d want to know. Or taking on the POV of the unsuspecting wife
   
2. People who work with taken crushes and how they cope, whether you a plotter or not
   

Everything else was useless. Explicit useless takes and basis include:

1. people assuming I want to end up with a man that is married. Whether it be now or in 5 years
   
2. People who think I’m obsessed with telling the wife
   
3. People who think I want to somehow frame my coworker to his wife as a cheater
   
4. People who think I had any intention other than including her and letting her make my choice for me. Cause honestly, just because you don’t understand my thought process doesn’t make it a lie. if you have to erase what I’m saying to input your narrative to make your comment apply then it’s a useless comment. You could say that including her was dumb, then say that a wife wouldn’t blah blah. That’s a valid comment cause it’s based off a POV I care about. Not off your delusions of me reaching out to her in order to ruin(?) her marriage. Cause side note. If me telling her that I have a one sided crush with her husband and want to stay away from him ruins her marriage, I was not the cause. That marriage was flaw af already.
   
5. People who think pining after a married men is a plausible option. I’m sorry but yall are dumb. There was a detachment option but you literally told me to stay attached. Weird.
   
6. Seek therapy advice that weaponized it as if you’re trying to put me on a psychiatric hold. As someone who has been through therapy and seen a lot of shit in my life, it’s not kind, productive, nor helpful. Mental health isn’t a punchline for your anonymous asshole reddit comments. Even my therapist wouldn’t agree with 70% of the stuff yall said about me.
   
7. People telling me to just try it once. Yeah. Burn in h*ll #sorrynotsorry. I’ll never be the other woman.
   

Mainly I want yall to understand this main point. My thought process and my POV is mine. You cannot discredit it with your own life experience. You do not know more about me than I do myself. If it helps to think of me as neurodivergent then do so, but I explained how I process ALL emotions. How I handle them. Never been a problem. So at 27 a bunch of random people telling me I’m toxic because now my ways of tackling my arbitrary feelings that were fine from everyone I’ve ever known are being seen as toxic from people who don’t even know my name is foolish and a waste of time. If you couldn’t fix your brain to think like mine, I get that. I don’t need any more people to understand me, my village is secure. However, have that same courtesy. If you can’t wrap your head around it then you were not qualified to give advice. If you couldn’t hop off your high horse and give devils advocate for MY perspective of MY situation then why are you even in an advice subreddit.

Okay so this is going to be a lot and I hope you can follow along with what’s happening. Never thought I’d come here for this. Anyways. I have this coworker and I like him. The problem is he’s fucking married. Why cursing? Because he doesn’t fucking wear a ring at work and I didn’t know until I already liked him. Now I’ve been at this job about 2 years. I’m one of the newest hires in my department. Most of the older higher knew, almost as a matter of fact. I’m guessing this is the point of those dumbass Christmas parties that seem outdated and boring. It’s to see if your coworkers bring freaking wives. Anyways. I want to state now that I have serious issues with cheating. Huge fuck no. That’s the core of my issue. I had been working closely with this guy at my job for the last 2 years and felt like we really connected and he flirted with me (could just be friendly and I was being delusional. No way to be sure atm) and I started to develop feelings. I’d normally shoot my shot around my crush but I’ve been insecure about 10-15lbs weight gain since covid years so I’ve been a little more reserved. Still flirting but not as bold. Anyways, I found out last week that he had a WIFE. How? She brought him lunch. Crazy simple right. He forgot his lunch. And I asked another coworker and they said that was his wife so matter of factly I’m just like ok I’ve been flirty with this guy for almost 2 years and no one said anything (the point I thought maybe him flirting back might have been my delusion). I’m mad because I’d rather he be standoffish or show clear distancing so I could have taken the hint early and we wouldn’t be here. I really like(d) him. And I want to get over it so that the d can be released from its parenthesis. Oh for context we’re both late mid twenties. Trying to be vague on purpose. So this next part might be even harder to follow so I’ll try to be coherent as I have a lot of emotions happening to me.
So. The kind of person I am, I will not get over this crush until I get it off my chest. I haven’t had a genuine crush in a good amount of years. I don’t like people easily. But like I’ve said I don’t want to have feelings for a married man. Not only is it cliche, I’m not turning into my worst fucking nightmare this late in life (never tolerate cheating, been around cheaters, etc. so almost being 30 is late in deciding to be an awful human fucking being, imo). So at first I was just going to default to my normal self and decide to just tell him I like him a lot but I know goes married and I’m not tryna blow up his life yard yard I just wanted closure so I could move on. Innocent enough. However I’ve been haunted my Reddit and stupid think pieces. Plus I’m a keen contingency thinker so I eventually came to the reality that mentioning this could possibly make the husband turn away from his wife or even try to be more with me or a full slew of possibilities. Mainly stemming from how he never really put up a wall to my flirting and favoritism. Like yeah, he’s still a man and could just be that dumb. But I have a good idiot-radar and he’s not on it, so it felts deliberate. So then I thought I could reach out to the wife and tell her my situation and ask her what she would prefer me to do. I want to leave her husband alone but my feelings can’t go away til I talk it out. Considering changing jobs, that’s the nuclear option. I don’t want to open her husbands eyes to the fact that I and possibly other women might/will want him if he’s already morally questionable and create issues in the marriage. I know by this point I can’t expect people to think and react the way I would, which would be to ignore the random girl telling me I like her cause I’m married. I want to be more realistic to how society is. Which is why I’m here Reddit.
Should I ask the wife if she’d rather I just fuck off, keep it to myself, and harbor this crush for her husband in silence. Or if she’d allow me to tell him so I can move on, regardless of what he wants. Or should I just tell him and keep it pushing like the fallout has nothing to do with me. The third feels irresponsible.
One more comment before posting that I may or may not have mentioned in my ramble. I’ve never liked someone who had someone already. Regardless of how it happened the technicality doesn’t matter it’s happening and it’s new. I’m afraid that if he tries to kiss me or some shit I’ll kiss him back on reflex cause I do like him rn. Before realizing what’s happening and being disgusted with him. Sounds crazy af I know but I’m just trying to be realistic knowing how my brain works. That’s why I don’t really want to sit on it. I know I’ll not want him after something like that but the damage will be done as far as the wife is concerned. And no I haven’t talked to him about the wife. Or the lack of ring. I kinda hate him right now for not disclosing but he never did anything explicit so I can’t hate him fr. I have a hate for him that is clearly stemming from my affection and love for him which is why I’m so alarmed right now. Trying not to be a red flag but even my green flag option sounds like a crazy ass bitch plotting on a family. So, what should I do.
EDIT: I will no longer entertain or respond to any post telling me to seek therapy. Cause for one I’m not fucking crazy. I’m trying to be understanding cause my post is all over the place and a lot of y’all be lying to delusional about your emotions but I am not. To clarify. I don’t have some weird need or want to tell the wife. Under everyday circumstances, I would have told this coworker how I used to feel (always best to say it in past tense so they don’t think it’s a door open situation) and move on. I know my emotions. I have healthy ways of dealing with it. I have been to therapy. Your hypothetical beliefs on therapy are not constructive advice. You’re just wasting my time. I have to address my emotion, whether it’s good or bad, to whoever it is the emotion is stemming from. As a person I need to say it out loud to move on. Been doing it for almost 20 years. If he was single I’d already be halfway to finding a new work husband. But I’ve never been in a situation where there was another party connected so I stopped myself from doing my default, mainly due to reddit horror stories, and considered the possibility of consulting the wife. In my initial mind frame, it didn’t matter to me if he responded, I just needed to say it. Regardless I wont even up with him cause he’ll either be a cheater or fickle. Both are nos. In fact telling the wife felt like some crazy bitch shit so I just wanted unbiased people to tell me if it was as crazy as I thought or if I was actually being considerate. The one thing everyone agrees on is not involving her. I thought she could use that situation to see if her husband was fickle, cheating scum, or wholesome. (Yes I know testing a spouse is toxic but if he would cross the line that’s up to the wife to test for her peace of mind). But we are scraping that. Cool. Now all that’s left is to either tell him so I can move on, or change jobs so I won’t have a chance of seeing him and I can compartmentalize and act like I’ve never met or liked him. Those are my only two options. Staying around a married man with feelings for him is not a damn option. It’s weird. And dumb. There are two options. If you have advice that works within those or seems like it might work for someone like me who is very direct then I’ll listen. But acting like I’m crazy cause I want yall to tell me if including her was ok is annoying.
And some asked what exactly was the flirting so I might as well address that. It wasn’t anything serious. Think work husband/work wife vibe but with a single coworker who is professional. It could be in my head cause there are platonic work husband/wife relationships. I’m not some creepy bitch thinking he stared at me for 3 seconds longer than yesterday. Also we do “talk” outside of work but it’s about work. Well went about the workout when we take work home or about the manager before a meeting on a hybrid day. Nothing the wife would be concerned about tbh. He also said he didn’t have a girlfriend in the beginning when I was first hired. Granted now I can see he was probably being quirky with job icebreakers type shit cause he doesn’t have a gf he has a wife, but why would I realistically assume that with no ring. But whatever. So yeah. Help me within the confines of MY scenario and not some worst case homewrecker so elopes that it’s clear some of yall are hoping this is. Cause I’ll just start reporting you for violation of the “give benefit of the doubt” rules. Give advice based on who I’m telling you I am not how your ex would have handled this. You don’t know me so all you know is what I’m telling you. It’s not advice if you have to create a new personality for me for I to apply. If you can’t explain yourself on why you think I’m like that then you’re probably violating the rule. Thanks for those ACTUALLY trying to help me.
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EDIT2: something that came up that I think others could also be assuming so I should address it. When I say I want to tell him I’m not talking about some sly ass “I like you but I know we can’t be together” ass comment that really isn’t even closure it’s just something homewrckers say to feel morally just when they are testing the water for being side chicks. I would say exactly, if not something eerily similar to “I used to like you, but I’m moving past it. Thank you”. That is usually what I would say. I feel like I should add a “sorry if that made you uncomfortable. I’ll be sure to distance but stay professional around you.” Since alot of people brought up workplace issues or harassment that I think are valid concerns.
—-
EDIT3: final edit before work in the am. Some of y’all wonder why I don’t just ask my friends for advice. I have for some. And the issue is they know me. So they tell me to just do what I normally do and remove myself from the situation cause if there is any fallout it was probably because he was a closet scum in the first place. But for me it’s like I came to reddit because yall don’t know me, just like the wife. I can’t expect her to understand someone like me when I know she’s probably never met someone who thought like I did (standard thing). I’d be just some suspicious bitch to her so I felt Reddit would help on how a stranger would take this scenario with added context (cause I didn’t plan on explaining semantics to wife if I did go that route). My friends just say that he’d only act out if he likes homewreckers which I’m not so it’s not my problem after I walk away. That or they tell me to switch departments. (2-1) but yeah. If you could give advice before lunch (12p) tomorrow that would be great. If not I’ll update yall with what I actually did by the end of the week. I’m not going to keep having feelings for this man so moves must be made THIS week.
UPDATE: So there were maybe 3 people who gave constructive criticism/advice between both post. I’m really only updating for yall cause the rest are either hurt individuals or cheating fantasizes and all your “advice” is really to your ex that hurt you or some weird ass cheating adjacent type solution. So I came to my conclusion after consulting the whole extended friend group. Cause unlike yall, they’ve all known me for at least 10 years and aren’t fueled by their own biases 😌. Anyways, the conclusion we came to was to ultimately tell him. We concluded that by not telling him I would be giving him special treatment and could end up solidifying the emotion. Everyone agreed I should just get it off my chest. It’s the quickest way to remove myself from this and their situation. All other options is me dragging it out which was voted a red flag for my spiraling. Although I’m sure two of my guys friends only said that cause they like seeing me do my “reverse rejection” (name they coined in undergrad). For context it was about 11 people consulted, 4 women and 7 men. Now the how is where we split but we agreed I should record my voice in case he tried to lie and make it something it’s not or if the wife ever does reach out I can give her the audio so she can use that however she likes. I’ll probably tell my manager too just so he’s in the loop like my HR friend suggested. So I’ll probably post my transcript later. I’ve never had to be around someone I got over so I would change departments if he starts acting weird. But ultimately at the end of the lunch break I’ll tell and get back to work. Tomorrow is hybrid day too so we chose today. I don’t think it will vary much from my normal prompt I’ve said before in an edit but I’ll let y’all know if I feel like it. Reddit is full of some twisted people. I get I think differently than most people, but yall really dragged your think pieces that were solely based off your own life experience which got nothing to do with me. Very unhelpful lmfao. But I started this so I should probably see it through to the end and update yall on it.
————————————————
🚨FINAL UPDATE🚨: So I didn’t do it at lunch like I planned. He could tell I was off tho cause I was distancing and I ended up saving it for the end of the day. Thought that would be best cause we don’t come into the office on Tuesday so it would give time to minimize any fallout. I ended up saying
“hey this could be weird but I used to like you but I’m moving past it. Just wanted to be transparent since we work closely together. I didn’t know you had a wife until last week so I thought I’d just rip the bandaid. I think moving forward I should partner with James so it’s not weird. Boundaries are best. I’ll be cordial tho but yeah. Have a blessed day”
Then I just walked to my car. He texted me like an hour after to apologize(?) and make sure that we’re still cool and make sure it’s not weird Wednesday when we get back in the office. He actually asked if we could still be friends, which doesn’t matter much to me. But yeah. I think this chapter is over. I feel a lot better now.
————Do Not Need to Read Below————-
I do want to clarify some things for those who care. Probably those who came after all this wrapped up. I want to address some points. Advice that is not based or related with my reality is not advice. It’s cannon fodder for a web novel. Advice from your perspective that would have been helpful include:

1. a wife giving how she’d feel and whether she’d want to know. Or taking on the POV of the unsuspecting wife
   
2. People who work with taken crushes and how they cope, whether you a plotter or not
   

Everything else was useless. Explicit useless takes and basis include:

1. people assuming I want to end up with a man that is married. Whether it be now or in 5 years
   
2. People who think I’m obsessed with telling the wife
   
3. People who think I want to somehow frame my coworker to his wife as a cheater
   
4. People who think I had any intention other than including her and letting her make my choice for me. Cause honestly, just because you don’t understand my thought process doesn’t make it a lie. if you have to erase what I’m saying to input your narrative to make your comment apply then it’s a useless comment. You could say that including her was dumb, then say that a wife wouldn’t blah blah. That’s a valid comment cause it’s based off a POV I care about. Not off your delusions of me reaching out to her in order to ruin(?) her marriage. Cause side note. If me telling her that I have a one sided crush with her husband and want to stay away from him ruins her marriage, I was not the cause. That marriage was flaw af already.
   
5. People who think pining after a married men is a plausible option. I’m sorry but yall are dumb. There was a detachment option but you literally told me to stay attached. Weird.
   
6. Seek therapy advice that weaponized it as if you’re trying to put me on a psychiatric hold. As someone who has been through therapy and seen a lot of shit in my life, it’s not kind, productive, nor helpful. Mental health isn’t a punchline for your anonymous asshole reddit comments. Even my therapist wouldn’t agree with 70% of the stuff yall said about me.
   
7. People telling me to just try it once. Yeah. Burn in h*ll #sorrynotsorry. I’ll never be the other woman.
   

Mainly I want yall to understand this main point. My thought process and my POV is mine. You cannot discredit it with your own life experience. You do not know more about me than I do myself. If it helps to think of me as neurodivergent then do so, but I explained how I process ALL emotions. How I handle them. Never been a problem. So at 27 a bunch of random people telling me I’m toxic because now my ways of tackling my arbitrary feelings that were fine from everyone I’ve ever known are being seen as toxic from people who don’t even know my name is foolish and a waste of time. If you couldn’t fix your brain to think like mine, I get that. I don’t need any more people to understand me, my village is secure. However, have that same courtesy. If you can’t wrap your head around it then you were not qualified to give advice. If you couldn’t hop off your high horse and give devils advocate for MY perspective of MY situation then why are you even in an advice subreddit.

Hey this story is a little long and all over the place but I really need advice on what I should do..
I (17f) and my best friend Alexa (18f) have known each other for over 6 years, we dated(on and off) for about 3 years. A couple months ago we decided to stay friends because being in a relationship with each other wasn’t really working out for us. We have made it clear that we still have feelings for each other but we never really did anything about it. Now this is were things get complicated. I found out that she was dating a friend of hers, I didn’t really know the guy but somtimes the three of us would play video games together. For this story lets call him James. The only thing I knew about James was that he has had this big crush on Alexa for a while, I was really worried about it because Alexa told me she only saw him has a friend and that was pretty much it. I found out that there were dating after seeing a post somewhere about James talking about loving his girlfriend, I asked Alexa if the girlfriend was her as a joke and she said it was her. This was only a few days ago and I can’t seem to accept it. I asked if she loved him and she only said that she liked him, she also added that i was the only person she would say she loved. My chest hurts and my head is spinning. I told her that i needed a short break to process all this and we haven’t spoken since yesterday. I miss talking to her but the main in my chest is just to great. How do I get rid of this feeling and accept that me and her are over? THANK YOU ANY ADVICE WOULD BE LOVELY 🙏 Also im so sorry for the spelling errors and grammar mistakes… im typing this in the car and its really hard to type all this out.

First off, I want to say... I mean absolutely no hate to the creators, writers, voice actors, animators, and anyone else who helped to create Disventure Camp. There is so much talent behind this show, and as a creative myself, it is never my intention to bring people down because of a passion project like this and I'll keep this in mind while I'm typing. (also I know this is a long post, I have a lot to say about this season)
And in case you missed the title, spoilers for Disventure Camp All Stars Episode 9.
...
I enjoy Disventure Camp for the most part and I've been keeping up with it ever since Odd Nation Cartoons began Season 2. Even so, there's been parts of DC that I thought could be improved (and it's been great to see how far they've come from Season 2 to All Stars in terms of production quality), but with this latest DCAS episode, I've started to notice that these nitpicks I have with Disventure Camp as a whole have just piled up more and more. And it's gotten to the point where I have to ask myself if I even like this series anymore? I'm honestly not sure.
I have my issues with Seasons 1-2 but I'm going to be focusing on All-Stars for this rant specifically. My biggest issue with this season is the direction they're taking the characters + the uneven amount of focus given to said characters.
Just to compare, Season 2's cast is my least favorite but I did enjoy a small amount of its characters (Lake, Rosa, Aiden, and Tess in particular). And then I thought Season 1's cast was fantastic - on par with the better Total Drama casts honestly. Excellent heroes, excellent villains, and it was an all-around entertaining season that I have very minor complaints about. When DCAS Episode 1 was posted, I loved how they introduced the characters and their plots. I especially loved to see how these characters were updated/changed since their first appearance (such as Fiore, Grett, and Ally), and I was excited to see all these characters together in one season. The point I'm getting at is that, aside from Riya, I genuinely liked every character at that point.
Fast forward to Episode 9, where Tess is the most recent camper eliminated, and we're now left with 10 characters. Out of those 10 characters, I now enjoy only 3 of them. Ashley, Ally, and Grett. As for the other 7, after everything that's happened this season... I no longer care about them and I no longer enjoy watching them, so at this point I feel very disconnected from the season. I feel like I'm now watching it to see these characters I dislike get their just desserts, rather than to see characters I'm actively rooting for succeed in the game. Watching a show that makes you feel like that sounds extremely unrewarding, but that's what I feel like atm.
I'm going to go through every DCAS character (eliminated ones first, then the current 10 players) and talk about my opinions on them + why or why not I've enjoyed their presence in this season.
18th Place - James (I've never gotten on board with James as a character to tell you the truth, so I don't mind him being the first boot especially since he's a previous winner. If his elimination was necessary to push forward the Jake/Tom/Aiden plot, I understand that and I'm cool with it. It's the plotline itself I have trouble with so I won't fault James for that. Pretty good first boot)
17th Place - Lake (I loved Lake in Season 2 so was I upset to see her be the second boot? Of course. But at the same time, this is my favorite elimination of the season. As much as I hated how Ellie threw Lake under the bus, I thought the whole thing was really well-written and suspenseful in the best way. And I can't really deny how smart of a play this was on Ellie's part, to make sure she stays in the majority. Another elimination to push forward a plot - this time, Ellie's villainous arc - but again it's the arc I have the problem with, not Lake herself. She didn't stay for long but she did what she had to and I appreciate that)
16th Place - Miriam (One of the few characters that hasn't gotten derailed in my eyes this season - she was a queen in Season 1 and that's exactly how she went out in All-Stars. She's the reason why the Villain Alliance was exposed in the first place, and she almost outsmarted Alec too by lying about him having multiple alliances to break his trust with the other villains. Loved her this season)
15th Place - Hunter (Okay... here's where the eliminations start to go downhill for me. I've never felt too strongly about Hunter but I can admit that his tension with Ally this season was 100x better than the love triangle nonsense from Season 2. The only other thing I remember about Hunter this season was his small beef with Fiore. Other than that, it makes sense for him to be an early boot. My problem with Hunter's elimination is that it makes no sense from a strategic POV. Now Fiore has consistently been losing challenges for Magenta Team, and she already has a clear reputation of being an untrustworthy player, BUT I understand Jake and Ashley's reason for keeping her around, which is to keep them in the team majority. Their best chance is to split up the other duo on the team: Ally and Hunter. Here's my problem though: why they chose to keep Ally, who has been trying to work with Fiore all this time, and not Hunter, the Season 2 challenge beast who has refused to work with Fiore all season, is something I can't wrap my mind around. Getting rid of Hunter is not only bad for Jake and Ashley's chances, but also, for Magenta Team as a whole. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for keeping Ally around because she's one of the few characters I still like, I just don't think this was the way to do it)
14th Place - Connor (There's a possibility that he's going to return to the game, but... this elimination burned me. To see him try and reach out to Riya all season, and to watch them talk things out and split up on partially-good terms... just for her to completely turn on Connor as if nothing happened. I remember she had this one comment about "keeping Connor around because he's useful" only to eliminate him the next chance she gets. Connor's elimination, and the way he ended up leaving felt like a slap to the face because Connor consistently has to take the fall for Riya and clean up her mess so she can continue acting bratty scot-free... and he literally had to clean up her mess after his elimination because she was at fault for ruining the stage. I'm extremely happy that Connor told Riya off before he left, because she 100% deserved that, but Riya has been such an aggravating, inconsistent, and insufferable character all season and while I understand that her story is not over... at this point I'm not interested in a Riya redemption arc.)
13th Place - Fiore (You know what... I loved Fiore in Season 1 and while she didn't have as big of a role in All-Stars, I loved her here too. I couldn't help but find myself rooting for her at times. However, this was definitely Fiore's time to go. No complaints here, except that you can really feel Fiore's absence after her departure. She added a really unique charm and humor to the show that nobody else has)
12th Place - Ellie (I'll say this. While I understand that Ellie's gradual derailment is absolutely an intentional choice on the writer's part... I don't like this decision for Ellie's character at all. Season 1 Ellie was where she was at her best, and I'll even defend her (for the most part) during the "Eat *** and die" rant she gave to Jake back in Season 1. But what I loved about Season 1 Ellie was that while she was a strategic player and wasn't afraid to get her hands dirty, she still had morals and you can tell that what she does is purely out of desperation to stay in the game. Fast-forward to All-Stars however, and this... feels like a completely different person now. What's incredible to me is how nonchalantly Ellie is about messing with Jake by targeting his trauma with Tom (is trauma the right word to use there? either way it's malicious and straight up emotional manipulation). Jake was a friend to Ellie in Season 1, right? I get that they don't need to stay friends, but this is extremely out of character for her, even with this idea of "the longer Ellie stays in the game, the unhealthier she becomes." I think it was Ellie's conversation with Tess at the start of her elimination episode that made me hate Ellie. Tess was genuinely trying to reach out to Ellie about how Gabby's been feeling neglected, and Ellie immediately shuts her down and says "okay you're being so extra right now Tess," which reads to me as Ellie saying that she knows what's good for Gabby, when clearly she doesn't. Finally comes her elimination, which was unexpected but completely deserved. She leaves the camp with Gabby, and Ellie apologizes for joining the Villain Alliance because "she got roped into it and she would never make an alliance without her." Except... that's a blatant lie, she accepted the offer to join the alliance when Alec asked if everyone was on board, and she never once spoke to Gabby about it until Gabby overheard it for herself. Which is... such a disingenuous way to make these two characters make up. Over a lie. Gabby doesn't deserve that. Like Riya, it's just another instance of a character not facing the consequences for being a jerk to other people. Ellie was extremely toxic this season to the point where it became frustrating to watch her, so I am ecstatic that she's now out of the game)
11th Place - Tess (Tess didn't have a big presence this season outside of being the swing vote for both Cyan Team eliminations before her own, but I appreciated having Tess being a voice of reason... on a season that has very few. I'm not against Tess leaving here... but I'm very much against the idea of Gabby going after Tess as revenge for eliminating Ellie. Because that is FAR from the case... Ellie did a lot of bad things during the game: lied to Gabby about joining the Villains Alliance, neglected Gabby and shut down Tess who tried to talk to her about it, emotionally manipulated Jake for fun on multiple occasions, and - although not as awful - having a generally nasty and distasteful attitude. All of that, just to have everything fixed by Ellie once again lying to her girlfriend by saying that she was roped into the Villains Alliance and that none of it was her fault. This left an extremely sour taste in my mouth, especially how Gabby seemed to forgive her without a second thought and immediately sought revenge on Tess for being rightfully concerned for Ellie's moral decline. Gabby's attitude for the entirety of Episode 9 is based on the idea that Ellie was a saint who did nothing wrong. At least Tess took her loss gracefully, which is very respectable considering how much I dislike how Ellie and Gabby were handled this season, but this feels like Connor all over again. A genuinely good person taking the fall for a terrible person who doesn't take accountability for their actions and moves on as if nothing had ever happened.)
And now for the characters still in the game:
Tom and Jake (It's not an unpopular opinion that the love triangle plot has been one of the most frustrating parts of the season, which is pretty bad considering it seems to be the season's main "hook" at the moment. If the show didn't devote so much of its runtime to Jake and Tom, there's a possibility I'd have a kinder opinion of both characters. This entire plotline centers around two people who have a convoluted romantic plot where it feels like the only thing that happens is that they try to work their way out of the problems that they create for themselves, over and over. Jake's had some minor good moments this season, but for the most part he's been nothing but rude and b****y to characters like James, Ally, and Aiden. He had a reason for acting that way to James - even if he went overboard with the assumptions - but anytime he acts this way to Ally or Aiden, it's for basically no reason. Jake's fighting with Ally especially felt forced from a writing perspective too. Going back to the couple, Jake's entire character seems to revolve around getting back with Tom, and one of my least favorite things for any character to be is to have their entire personality revolve around their crush/partnewhat-have-you. Tom became a lot worse in All-Stars with his refusal to solve a problem with a simple conversation and the whole fake boyfriend plotline that got stretched out across 3 episodes for some reason. The lovable himbo thing they're going for with Tom really falls flat once you consider that he's been a pretty awful person too, which makes anytime Tom has those sad "doe eyes" pretty cringe tbh. That moment in the sandbag challenge episode where he got on Jake's case for tacking Aiden, when... Tom did the exact same thing to other people multiple times in the season so far??? This entire plotline is two toxic characters constantly being put through toxic situations with each other and I'm just... exhausted of it.)
Aiden (Honestly? Aiden hasn't been terrible this season. After losing his boyfriend and best friend in the first couple of days, it was nice to see him form a friendship with Tom. Other than that... it feels like the only reason he's still around is to cause drama for Jake. Other people have pointed out that Aiden's been overstaying his welcome this season and I agree - he's a good character but I feel neutral on him right now. He's not here for the sake of himself, only for the sake of other characters)
Ashley (Speaking of characters who desperately need to get away from the Tom/Jake plot, here's Ashley. She is actually my favorite character of the season, but I have plenty of issues with how the writers have chosen to utilize her. Namely... Ashley is literally just Jake's therapist. Friends can help each other out with stuff like this, absolutely, but it's gotten to the point where the only thing Ashley does on this show anymore is to take on Jake's personal and romantic problems. Say it with me: YOUR FRIENDS ARE NOT YOUR THERAPISTS. I'm not going to say that Jake is taking advantage of his friendship with Ashley to get her to help him with his problems, but this definitely feels like an uneven friendship and I would love to see a great character like Ashley break apart from this dynamic and shine on her own. She has a fantastic backstory with the farm incident and how she wants to use the money to do her best to repair things for her family, which gives viewers a reason to root for her, and then she's reduced to this... it's honestly sad to watch because I really, really like this character. Her charming personality and positive attitude is seriously refreshing on a show like this. I don't know how the rest of the season will go of course, but I'm really hoping they give Ashley her moment)
Yul and Grett (Okay I get the vision, Yul is a terrible person who is using Grett to boost his popularity, and Grett's going to eventually realize this and break free. But the pacing of this storyline is really... really... slow. It's been nothing but nine episodes of Grett taking constant abuse from Yul, and halfway through the season is when Grett finally starts to realize that maybe her boyfriend shouldn't be her boyfriend. It's just like those Jensen scenes after each Season 1 episode where something shady happens, yet each time, we don't get any new information at all. It's just redundant information. This is a plotline that could have desperately used some extra screentime that the Tom/Jake plotline used up. For the record I'm rooting for Grett and I'm praying on Yul's downfall)
Alec (Alec has been pretty good and in-character this season, and I actually don't have that big of an opinion on him at the moment. However. The comment he made about not helping his son when he stepped on broken glass was... alarming??? I don't like that line choice at all, even if it's not meant to be anything important for his character going forward. That wasn't meant to be a joke, was it? Either way it just did not sit right with me)
Gabby (Gabby's been fine at the start of the season, but once Ellie and Tess' eliminations hit, Gabby's character took a sour turn for me. I've explained all the reasons why I don't like this plot already but I very much dislike the way Gabby handled Ellie's elimination and it looks like things are only going to get worse from here if they're going to double down on Gabby's "villain arc." Which doesn't come off as funny as probably intended, by the way. Anytime Gabby is shown doing an evil laugh or making an evil face feels like extremely forced humor, something Disventure Camp is pretty average at)
Ally (She was a plain bowl of nothing in Season 2 I hate to say, but as it turns out, I'm loving her All-Stars iteration! Sure, the video game references can feel too forced at times, and the bickering with Jake feels more like a Jake issue rather than an Ally one, but other than that I've thoroughly enjoyed All-Stars Ally. For one, she feels surprisingly realistic. Her tension with Hunter, her insecurity with the internet's opinion of her (which was a genius way to address her Season 2 reception honestly), her conversations about strategy, and especially her kind personality having a hidden snarky side. If I had to choose one character that the writers have done the best job with (out of those left in the cast), I'd 100% pick Ally. She's been great this season)
Riya (...I'm going to save myself the trouble and skip the Riya paragraph. She is everything that I dislike in a character in a way that is very unflattering, and I have not enjoyed her at all this season.)
The Staff - Kristal, Marcus & Nina, Emily, Oliver, Derek, and Trevor (In my humble opinion, the all-stars cast of this show did not need to have this many staff members... not to mention, giving them storylines of their own when the main cast should be the focus here. It's a lot to keep up with. I'm flat out uninterested in the love triangle plot between Kristal, Derek, and Trevor, because it feels very filler and unimportant. The one exception here is Emily, since she is a new character and the writers clearly have some sort of purpose for her by having her work with Yul as a manager. I'm not crazy about Emily but I'm definitely intrigued to see what she ends up doing for the rest of the season)
...
In conclusion... maybe this whole thing is just up to personal preference. I tend to like characters and stories that are more positive and kind in nature, and I dislike characters and stories that are more negative and hateful in nature. I know Disventure Camp has a lot of fans who enjoy these types of plots, and that's totally fine. If you asked me to pick between Total Drama and Disventure Camp though, I would choose Total Drama any day because I've become so attached to the feel-good vibe of the show, as well as all these fantastic characters with likable and unique personalities that make you excited to watch a season with them in it. In Disventure Camp All-Stars' case though? That feel-good vibe is not there at all. Not that it needed to be, because Disventure Camp is not the same thing as Total Drama, plus it takes a lot of inspiration from Survivor. However, a good majority of these characters feel intentionally written to be dislikable... which isn't my call to make, but personally I wish this hadn't been the case, because it makes for an especially frustrating watch. Have you noticed how so many of the DCAS thumbnails are these out-of-context shots of characters being angry with each other?
This is what Disventure Camp All-Stars feels like to me: good people getting the short end of the stick just to serve bad people and their storylines, which are just nasty people being nasty to each other, endlessly. Which is far from the type of experience I'd want to have when watching a show.

This is a part 2 to another post where I fix up a cool concept made by that asshole who made that hate post on Alex (u/Buyer999) but I have some updates here and overall some things I want to say: 1: I was gonna do a shitpost version of ZERO DATA (because the backrooms in the monument mythos is hilarious) but they deleted almost everything so I can’t do that 2: thank you for all of the support on this and the fixed version of the hate post itself 3: thank you to u/KrescentKing for some name changes, 4. AMERICAAFTERMATH -> AMERICAANATOMY 9. LAUREN BEFORE AND AFTER -> ARNOLDSON BEFORE AND AFTER 11. the start of a world -> A World, Anew and 4: I am gonna change a lot about this to make it fit with the last one. Thank you for reading that and hopefully the rest of this
(Btw this is partially inspired by the howard in wonderland au by sternevogn on ig)
PROLOGUE goes from WINTER OF 68 to THEWORLDGLUE: plot: it basically just goes over what happened after A World, Anew and how 12 beings hold this world together, the horned serpent, Alcatraz, Dean, the Freedom forever Trinity, the Nixonverse Trinity, and the ALCATRAZ, ALWAYS Trinity (dd mm and ca)
1 goes from AMERICAN WONDERLAND to PRESIDENT PARADOX: plot: it starts out with Cthonaut A talking about how the presidents in these universes keep doing horrible things, Pattinson igniting the world, Dean feeding people to the trees etc. and he says “only one person has been through enough to know the pain that the other presidents have caused, she will make things right” it then plays the DEANDEMOCRACY Announcement video but at the end it shows Virginia and she says “I will bring them back home”. And ends off with the text “Virginia Fate Arnoldson became president in 1969 at the age of 48. In 1970 she launched a hunt for the Air Force 3 Angel”
2 goes from EYE OF ENTROPY to EYE OF THE EMPRESS: plot: it starts with Cthonaut A talking about the queen and her selfishness ruined her world, she ignored the feelings of the last son and made him a monster, he says “i won’t let that happen, not again” it cuts to the moon where a bright flash of light engulfs the moon and we cut again to Cthonaut A’s art gallery where he and the queen are sitting and talking
“the queen: where am i?!
Cthonaut A: Welcome to my art gallery, Luna
The queen: YOU CANT JUST KIDNAP ME! WHO EVEN ARE YOU?!
Cthonaut A: that doesn’t matter. What matters is your selfishness
The queen: I’m not selfish!
Cthonaut A: you can’t understand, not yet
The queen: what does that mean!?
Cthonaut A: I know more then you could ever understand, I have seen world after world end and almost every time you have been in one it ends the same way
The queen: how?
Cthonaut A: your selfishness
The queen: WHAT?! How?!
Cthonaut A: you ignore those around you, you only care about yourself. Do better”
another large flash of light engulfs the screen and the text “the first contact with aliens was made in 1969. This is the audio of that event” before playing the first contact with the queen from THE QUEEN OF THE LUNARIANS but it’s different, she talks about peace between the Lunarians and humanity. It ends off with the text “the queen had given up one of her eyes as a symbol of peace between them and humanity. After that president Arnoldson put Lunarians on the endangered species list”
3 goes from GOLDEN GATE TREE to DEAN’SDESTRUCTION: plot: just like AMERICAATTACKED in part one this episode would go over a lot with one main theme which here will be Dean, Virginia, and the Starry Sphinx, in the format of a news broadcast. It starts out with the text “after the creation of the Air Force Three Angel the legend of the Starry Sphinx was confirmed to be true. The government has prepared a video for the public to get a better understanding of this being” after that it would play the STARRYSPHINX V1 video. After that it plays a special announcement from president Arnoldson
“Hello everyone, this is a very important message for everyone
If you see a blue, glowing being in the shape of a human nervous system call the police, says “angel energy” 3 times and wait for the police
Mister angel, if you are watching this, we do not want to hurt you, please come to The White House
Thank you for listening. This is Virginia signing off”
And lastly it shows the text “famous actor and vice president James Dean has sadly died from the yellow man syndrome. This will be elaborated on in a future presentation, so don’t miss Mister Manticore’s Mysteries”
4 goes from… wait… did this dumbass really go from 3 to 5…? I guess this is original to GOLDENGATEGHOST: plot: it starts out with THE LAST SON OF ALCATRAZ video but different, this time instead of showing the great division it shows the end of A world, Anew and the text “1” fades in up at the end of that part. The next part is the “daughter” part in FREEDOMFALLER and at the end the text “2” fades in. After this it shows the Starry Sphinx part from GIZAGUARDIAN but the Starry Sphinx is white like in the STARRYSPHINX V1 and the text “3”. After that the text “our 3 soldiers will stop the angel” and the final part shows the 4 on the Golden Gate Bridge (in the same style as freedom’s and the angel’s fight) and before anything we see a bright flash and cuts to Cthonaut A and he says “this is not how I’m going to let this happen, no more pain, no more violence, no more” it then cuts back to them on the bridge and the angel surrenders. And lastly we get another announcement from Virginia
“Hello everyone, it’s me again, Virginia
We now have the Air Force Three Angel, he is safe, we are safe
The Angel is now in Babylon Forest, Freedom is back in The Grand Canyon, The Starry Sphinx is back in Egypt, The last son is back to work
Thank you for listening. This is Virginia signing off”
5 goes from DISNEY LAND MADNESS: AFTERMATH to DEMON DISGUISE: plot: it starts with the text “at 3:13 am this was recorded in the While House” it then plays a video of peaking into the Oval Office while Virginia is working In there, but Virginia looks different, she has long black tentacles coming out of her back. After a few seconds she realizes that she is being recorded and uses one of her tentacles to close the door. After this we get another announcement from Virginia
“Hey, it’s me Virginia and you all know why I Doing this
That viDeo is fake, 100% fake
Thank you for listening. This is Virginia signing off”
And it ends off with the text “12 more workers have said that video is real. All of those 12 workers have been fired and have not been heard from for 2 months”
6 goes from THE JAPAN ANATOMY to Mister Manticore’s Mysteries: plot: it’s a compilation of The officer ben tape, Gein’s hardware store, The two yellow man videos, Hello Lamashtu, Buffalo roach, I peak I seek! And C/H/A/S/E
7 goes from ALCATRAZ ANTIMATTER to CORNERLORE: plot: it’s another compilation but this is of CORNERFOLK, CORNERGIRL, CORNERBABY, CORNERCAT, and CORNERWORLD
8 goes from THE "PATTINSON" PARADOX to The Ningen (1990-1992): plot: it’s another compilation
9 goes from LEAKED FOOTAGE OF A WORMHOLE to LEAKED INTERVIEW!: plot: it’s a interview with Alice Avenue (who here is a government worker) and she talks about what it was like working there. She talks about how no one was allowed to go see here after 6 PM, and how every TV must be on at all time and the reason Virginia gave is “I want him to come back, that’s how he will come back”
10 goes from THE PERFECT YOUNIVERSE to IMPERFECT UNIVERSE: plot: this one is also like AMERICAATTACKED where it talks about a lot at once but this time without a clear theme, just going over the loose plot points like the Lunarians, The Ningen, yellow man freedom, the last son, The Starry Sphinx etc. and how it’s not going to plan
11 goes from THE AMERICAN ANTICHRIST to DEMON’S DEMOCRACY: plot: it’s starts out with the last announcement from Virginia but she’s not in her normal mood, this time she is on the verge of tears
“It’s me Virginia and… I’ll been lying to you all
I’m not what I seem, that Video was real, those people were right…
I am so sorry
I am so sorry. This is Virginia signing off first the last time”
And it ends off with the text “after this Virginia resigned from being president and now lives in her home town”
12 goes from THE HORNED SERPENT THEORY to true comfort: plot: it starts out like A World, Anew with Cthonaut A telling us what has happened and how all he has done was for nothing and he is gonna give it one last try. then we see a large flash of light engulf the earth one last time until we see earth again and the text “this is our world, we need to be our own true comfort”
April 1st video The Monument Mythos: ZERO DATA: plot: it’s James Dean saying
dear Buyer999.. i have something to tell you
life is a mess. you're dad is dead. you're dad is a bad person. you're ""mentally unwell"" and all but i have something to tell you: nobody love you. really. NOBODY loves you. everyone HATES you. you're friend. you're family you're brother and even you're DAD. nobody love you Buyer999. you treats people terribly. you randomly removes content and does so just to drum up attention. you does not value you're fan, me or anyone else that has viewed you're art and that's bullshit. you clearly shouldn't be doing content creation if you going to treat people the way YOU does. you're an bad person Buyer999. just like you're dad.. you're an bad person because of the assault YOU did on YOU'RE Girlfriend. nobody love you everyone HATES you Buyer999. YOU hates us. WE hates you. Fuck you Buyer999. rot in hell with your dad Buyer999.
goodbye
Thank you for reading this too! If you have some better ideas or any questions feel free to say them! And I have a lot of ideas I had that I wasn’t able to fit in so if you have any questions ask them. Again, thank you

I have been praying and praying the last hour that this is just a dream. Honestly, i don't know why i want this to be a dream.
The people might not speak any language that i know but at least they are healthy and happy and not barely surviving afraid to accidentally step out of line. The city around me is so living and there’s tall buildings with loads of well polished windows and sandstone.
James gazes up at me, squeezing my hand. “Addie, where are we?” I sigh and shake my head, squeezing his hand back. “I’ve got no idea, bub” I say. Way to go, Adam, I mumble to myself.
James looks past me over at some statue of what looks to be a soldier holding a child up in the air. We seem to be in some kind of large square. There’s statues and large sculpture of ten-pointed stars. The tallest buildings around the place have large red banners hanging down their facades.
"Maybe we can ask someone if they've seen Aaron and Juliette" James says, gesturing with a splayed hand to the tons and tons of people walking all over this place.
"James, i'm not sure they even speak English" i shake my head again, a trio of girls snickering and blushing as i briefly lock eyes with them. "Well, you haven't tried asking if they speak English" My little brother says prudently, shaking his own head. I cannot help but smirk. Smart kid, my little brother.
So i start towards those girls, looking back to make sure James is tagging along. The girls are grinning and snickering and trying to pretend that i'll just go right past them. I'm not. Halting as we reach, i shove my hands into my pockets. Gazing at the ground for a moment before looking up. "H-hey-" Damn, what's going on? I was never nervous with Juliette.
"Do any of you speak English?" My voice dies in my throat as the girls don't stop snickering. "Yeah, we do" One of the girls say, brushing a strand of her brown behind her ear. She is practically fighting to keep her eyes in place as she bites her lip.
"Great! You see, we're looking for my brother and his...girlfriend. My brother is blonde, got green eyes and he's 5'9-" "What does 5'9 mean?" One of the other girl asks. I want to deadpan. Oh well, it doesn't seem like they know the imperial system.
"He's, uhh...roughly 175 centimeters tall. His girl is 160, dark brown hair and blue eyes" I explain, gesturing with my hands to give them a change to figure out Warner and Juliette's heights.
"Sorry but we haven't seen anyone like that. Maybe...try at a police station or a muncipality office" Well i would if i could understand those scrawls that's everywhere! "Uhhh, how do i find a police station?" I ask, swallowing. The brown haired girl laughs, blushing faintly.
"You read, silly. You speak English so you must be from Erikland, right? You guys still learn Asparijo, don't you?" She giggles then frowns. "Y-yeah..." I swallow as two of the girls stick their heads together. I turn and look down.
James is gone. My heart is going to come flying out of my mouth any second.
"James!" I don't care, i yell his name. "Addie! I found a police lady!" I hear my little brother's voice call out.
I turn to the girl and offer them a good-bye before turning to where i heard James' voice. The brown-haired one is practically begging for me to stay so she can get my number.
I see James, standing besides a blonde woman in an aquamarine uniform and navy blue pants and cap. She must be the police officer he mentioned.
"Hello there. Your little brother here says you're looking for an Aaron Warner and a Juliette Ferrars. Is that correct?" She asks, scribbling on a small pad. I nod. Then she knits her brows, pull me closer and lowers her voice.
"They were arrested last night by the State Intelligence Service. For carrying firearms close to the Imerial Residence" She says, staring at me before releasing me.
Gazes down and flashes James an innocent smile. But my little brother isn't easily fooled.
I am not either. They were trying to escape our father. Well, not that James even knows Paris is our father. He's better off not knowing he's related to that monster.
"It's not nice to whisper" James tells the woman accusingly. She cracks a smile at the eleven-year old glowering boy. Chuckles before turning back to me.
"Since you are related to a detainee, i must ask you to present some identication" She says, holding out a hand.
My hearts drops into my stomach. We only have our Reestablishment IDs and i don't think these people are going to give a hoot about those.
What the hell happens if i am honest?
"We don't have any" I say, gulping. The officer's mood switches on the spot. "Then i must ask you to come along" She says and she is reaching for her radio and James looks like he might pee his pants and he probably thinks we are going to get arrested.
Now the policewoman is speaking into her radio, swiftly in her alien language. She turns her head away and i spy a pair of policemen coming our war. I might be strong and jacked and all that but i'm not looking to fight anyone.
Not when James is around. Not like Kenji not giving a damn. James is already starting to sob once he is realizing what we've gotten into.
"It's going to be alright, James. No need to be scared" i say, ruffling his hair as the two policemen join their female colleague, talking swiftlty.
"Please turn around" One officer says, pulling a pair of a handcuffs out of his black tool belt. I try not to look at James as i turn around and clasping my hands at my back.
The officer moves to cuff my wrists when James tried to smack his hands away with a high-pitched "Leave him alone!"

I, (18F) moved in with my boyfriend (19M) a couple of months after I turned 18, and my parents were furious and hurt. There’s a lot to unpack with this one, so bear with me.
My parents (40F and 42M) are very religious and were somewhat strict while I was growing up. I have two younger brothers, one 17 and one 8 (this will be important later). For context, my father is a pastor at a local church and my parent’s religious beliefs are the reasoning behind most if not all of their actions. Growing up, I was never a stereotypical girl. I didn’t have many female friends and was usually not accepted in groups with guys as I was a girl and we were kids. I was extroverted as a child but due to being repeatedly rejected by kids my age, I became more introverted. I was a major nerd who loved superheroes and I wanted to play sports. Again, for context, the town I grew up in was very conservative and my parents are very conservative themselves. Girls liked girl things- even if they claimed that’s not how they felt, it’s how they acted. However, as a kid, I did not realize this. I played soccer and basketball growing up, regardless of how “weird” it made me because I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. I was probably around 9 or 10 at this point. It was around this time my parents started having issues with my hobbies. I remember my parents trying to convince me to be a cheerleader because I would “like it more,” but I insisted on playing basketball. (This basketball/cheer program was through our church by the way). Because I was still young, they let it slide, but to this day I remember them being annoyed with it. This is also around the time dieting was introduced to me as well as calorie counting. I have always struggled with my weight and so has my mother, so they were very adamant on making sure I was being “healthy.” I didn’t understand it, but as a child, the only thing I was worried about was making my parents happy. A lot of discipline I received revolved around emotion. What I was doing was right or wrong and if I did something wrong, I felt terrible and awful and would often come crying to my parents about the mistakes I made, fearful of their disappointment and anger if they found things out themselves. They also made everything a moral dilemma- everything was about God and religion and as a kid, it really messed with my head. I would blame myself for everything that went wrong, seeing it as God’s punishment for my behavior. When I was 9, I went so far as to blame my grandmother’s death on myself because I was hanging out with boys instead of girls. This made me to be more of an introvert and my now anxiety disorder is much much worse.
About a year later, my parents sat down with me and my brother and told us they wanted to adopt. At first, I was very excited. I loved the idea of having another brother or sister. And I wouldn’t trade my 8 year old brother (let’s call him Scott) for anything, but adopting kids is part of what triggered a huge change in my parent’s behavior. Also- I had started getting older. I loved playing video games, watching cartoons and writing. However, these weren’t the things they wanted me to like I guess, because I started to feel their judgment become more clear and apparent as I got older. Now, I assume this is because as a kid, I just did what I was told, or my oddities were assumed to fade over time, but that is not the case anymore. Anyways, entering middle school, our family fostered a little girl, let’s call her Ally. A young woman in our church had told us that Ally’s family was out of the picture, and as her aunt, she couldn’t take her in as she was already a single mom and planned on adopting her brother, but couldn’t handle all three alone. So my family stepped in- however, we had come to find that her father was still in the picture and was actively fighting for custody. And Ally was a bit of a handful. My parents have admitted that they expected to swoop in, save a child from a hard life and be the heroes, and when things were harder than that they were very upset. Ally was about three- she remembered her mom (who was in jail i believe), her sisters, her grandma and grandpa, as well as her dad. She didn’t want our family, she wanted hers. She didn’t listen to my parents and rejected their parenting. This is what started to make my parents snap. I understand it was hard for them, but now that I’m older, I get it. She was a little girl who wanted her family. But they took her rejection very seriously and were constantly unhappy with her and made sure she knew it. Children not listening immediately was newer to them as my brother and I both did pretty much whatever they asked, and they did not take well to being told “no” by a child. 8 months after living with Ally, she was taken in by her grandparents to live with them and her sisters. The next day, my parents took my brother and I on a small trip. I’m not sure if it was to cheer us up or to celebrate. I was quite sad though- I had started to really care about Ally and had convinced myself that “God would take care of things” and I would have a sister. But I was angry- God took someone away from me and I was doing everything right. Why was he punishing me? Nothing made sense. Yet, only a year later, my parents were considering taking in another child. I wanted nothing to do with it- God had already taken one sibling away from me. I couldn’t do it again. In the end, I agreed and soon became attached to this little boy, who was two when we met him. This was Scott. I immediately became attached- and I love this kid more than I can describe- he’s my little brother and I would do anything for him.
This is where things start to go further downhill. Scott has a lot of trauma and mental issues, one of those issues being oppositional defiant disorder. That basically means that listening to any form of authority is near impossible for him, and causes him to lash out and act younger than he is. This is probably due to a number of reasons, as he was severely neglected and abused as an infant and his birth mother was on several different substances while pregnant with him, to the point where he was born high on several illegal drugs. He was left in a car seat for most of his infant life, so the back of his head is slightly flattened due to this. My parents are very obedient/disciplined-based parents, so his behavior rocked their world. In my opinion, the way they handled things with Scott was borderline abusive. There were several occasions where he would say he hated them (as young children do when they're mad) and they would flip. Telling him that if he didn’t want them that was fine. They didn’t need him. He could run back to his other parents, but his mom was in jail and his dad didn’t want him, so good luck with that. If we were in the car when this happened, they would threaten to leave him on the side of the road and good luck finding his way home. Once my mother literally pulled to the side of the road, placed him outside the car and started driving so he would “think they would leave him if his actions didn’t change,” but she turned around to get him. Because they would “never actually abandon or hurt him,” their actions were justified and perfectly fine. They would tell him he was acting like a baby when he started to cry and scream. “Little baby Scott, do you need a diaper?” Is how they would tease him when he became older, which just made his tantrums worse. They would tell him how disappointed they were with him and that he should be ashamed of himself and the way he acted because they gave him everything. They would call him, to his face, “an ungrateful manipulative piece of shit.” Because according to my parents, he could control his actions 100% and was choosing to act out to make their lives difficult. While I understand that this was hard for them, in my opinion, this in no way excuses their behavior. One time, Scott was crying and was upset (who knows why, but the kid had a lot of trauma and mental issues so it didn’t bother me too much), and my mother picked him up and put him in his room. She told him that every time he tried to leave his room, she would take away one of his stuffed animals. (He had several that he loved very much). Because this sounded so terrible to him, he ran after her trying to say it wasn’t fair. So she went into his room and took a stuffed animal. This cycle continued while he cried and begged for her to stop, because he just didn’t get it that she was going to keep doing this over and over and his trying to convince her was making it worse. Eventually, there were none left, and she told him if he didn’t stop crying she was going to throw them all away. I don’t remember what happened after that, but I do know that several of them were thrown away, if not at that time than others. There are many other instances of things like this and worse occurring, but we’d be here for a while if I tried to recount them all. Moving forwards to closer when I was moving out-
Now, several years later, when I turned sixteen, I had come to terms with the fact that I was bisexual. This went against everything my family was for, and I knew exactly how they viewed queer people. So, I started learning about different branches of Christianity and felt like I knew a God who loved me as I was and was happy in my decision to switch denominations. (My parents were baptists, and I wanted to be non-denominational). A few months after this, I decided to tell my parents the truth. I had done my best to give them hints, but I wanted to be honest with them because I trusted that they would love me and be there for me no matter what. When I told them I wanted to talk to them about something, they pushed and pressed and I had been trying to wait to talk to them until the next day. I had been seeing my high school counselor, and she suggested giving them a heads-up before springing that conversation up on them. However, after telling them to wait, they went through my phone and saw that I had researched different denominations and read different sermons on queer-accepting faith. They were livid. To be clear- I had a friend over while this was happening. We were watching a movie and joking about how I lost my phone and couldn’t show them this picture I wanted to. Then, I was called upstairs. I had apparently betrayed my parents and, “how could I do this to them, when I had someone over?” My father demanded I send my friend home, but my mother convinced him for one more hour. I was told not to tell my friend anything they had said and to act like things were fine, but I couldn’t. I went back downstairs where we were hanging out and started sobbing. I felt like my whole world was falling apart. Everything was over- and the people I thought would love me no matter what made me so afraid and sad, I was completely broken. My friend did their best to comfort me and even felt weary to leave me alone with my family but I told them I’d be okay, and asked that they update our friends about the situation. That night was hellish. So many conversations, them trying to understand what I felt, but not taking me particularly seriously either. That night turned into weeks of books, slideshows, conversations, and prayers. It felt like at-home conversion therapy. Eventually, I was given a choice “put my convictional flag in the ground or loose their trust.” As the petrified 16 year old, I chose to lie. I put my “flag” in the ground and did my best to, “earn back their trust” and repair their reputation that I had tarnished. The next couple months were a blur. I felt so terrible about myself. I didn’t know what I thought or believed and I became extremely hyper anxious and depressed. I had lost all sense of privacy and I did trust my parents further than I could toss them. My 17 year old brother (he was 14 at the time, let’s call him James) was 100% on board with my parents. My life felt like a living nightmare. My parents had it so that all my texts sent or received from my phone would go directly to theirs, so I couldn’t even confide in my friends without getting into trouble (which had happened and was how I found out that they did that because I deleted the texts immediately after sending/receiving things).. Everything felt like it was about me and how I needed to earn back their trust and how I was a terrible betrayer who they were not proud of in the slightest. I had gone to get a pixie cut (with their approval) and after they told me I was disgusting and repulsive and would never find a man to love me. I was heartbroken and felt so alone and unloved in my house, while I had to watch my younger brother be treated the way he was by my parents.
Luckily, I had a lot of friends and our school counselor who had been there for me through everything. They showered me with support and love and made sure I had a safe space to exist and truthfully I think they’re the only reason I didn’t do anything drastic and am still here today. It was hard though because James went to the same school as me and would tell my parents if I was with anyone he knew was queer or queer accepting. This caused me to be very very paranoid about who I was with, when, where, etc. Constantly covering my tracks, having an excuse set up and ready to bolt if I saw anyone I knew. What made things equally hard is that the church my father works at is quite big in our area. So if someone from our church or someone who knew my family saw me with anyone they labeled as “queer” or “gay,” they would tell my family as well. For the most part, I didn’t feel safe anywhere. I was constantly alert and on guard, even when I was asleep as my parents had woken me up before to confront me about someone I was friends with at school.
Fortunately for me, despite everything being such a mess, I am quite academically smart. I got a job the second I turned sixteen as I had heard the horror stories of queer kids being kicked out and wanted to be prepared. I had been saving money, taking college classes (we have a state program that pays for the classes while you’re in high school), and putting on a show for my family for quite some time. After saving some money, I paid my parents for an older car that they had paid off ten or so years ago. After my brother turned 16, he claimed it was too hard to share a car with me, so while I was away visiting a friend they bought him a car and told us that they expected each of us to pay them one thousand dollars before we graduated high school and that when we did so, they would sign over our respective cars to us. To be clear, I contributed to insurance and paid for my own gas, as well as contributing to my phone bill and money for food. Meanwhile, my brother had no job, and was constantly asking my parents for money to go out with friends. He had also taken up golfing, which as most people know is extremely expensive, and my parents funded everything. James had actually admitted to asking for more money than he needed and save the leftovers for whatever he wanted. I was also expected to chauffeur him to golf events and to get togethers with his friends, and my parents would in return give me some gas money. Another thing to note is that the only reason I was contributing to our phone bill is because James wanted unlimited data and my father said it was unreasonable unless we both contributed financially. I refused as I was trying to save money (as I would have with the car situation), however things per normal went James’s way. However, because he did not have a job, he was not expected to pay anything and would not be charged for the months and years that he did not contribute to. I did my best not to let these things get to me and to keep a level head. I paid my parents for the car because I already had over two thousand dollars saved as a seventeen year old high school student due to my hard work.
I focused on my classes and joined theater to help fill the hours in between school and work. I was much more active my sophomore year but when James also decided to join theater I retreated a bit as my once safe space to freely exist was no longer safe. I joined the stage crew but honestly that was also very enjoyable and lethargic for me and I enjoyed it a lot. Anyways, I was mostly a straight A student besides the stray Bs and one or two Cs (psychology and AP government screwed me over) and was working 15 or so hours a week. This is on top of my commitments to the church which were most of my Sundays and my Wednesday evenings. The funny thing is though- James missed more church than I ever did yet because my absence was because of work and not golf, I was the one consistently reprimanded for my lack of attendance and socialization whilst I was there. Yet because James could never do anything wrong and was a very extroverted person his lack of attendance wasn’t as serious as my own. I had one close friend through our church, let’s call her Grace (now 18F) and she actually knew about everything and was very supportive of me. I also had some other friends who really only showed up to church so I didn’t have to go through the torture alone which I don’t know if I could ever repay them for. Besides the people I was comfortable with though, I was pretty much a loner there and this heavily displeased my parents as it made them look bad and messed with their reputation. I never realized how much appearances meant to them until all of the shit that happened took place. As I mentioned before, our church is very conservative and traditional, and many sermons and lessons revolved around gender roles and the sinfulness of the world in terms fo the LGBTQ community. I consistently felt targeted because of my looks and my personality and stopped feeling comfortable there a very long time ago.
Now that more context is in place, fast forward to the end of my junior year. I had at this point finished all my high school requirements for graduation and was given an incredible opportunity to go to our local college full time for my senior year. I was very excited and happy because not only did it give me more freedom but it also meant I would get more than a year of my college education paid for by the state.
It was also around this time when I met my now boyfriend, let’s call him Dean. We were coworkers and had begun to get to know each other. We had a lot in common and while were different people personality wise, we enjoyed each other’s company quite a bit. By some miracle, I convinced my parents to allow me to hang out with him outside of work by claiming he was just a friend and saying that he was a Christian (which is by no means true). They were extremely skeptical but allowed us to hang out. We had an incredible time- and by the end of our first date he asked me to be his girlfriend which I happily accepted. I was so happy, but when I got home, things spiraled out of control. I told my parents about our time, and they were extremely unhappy as they felt fooled (which they were to be fair) and told me I was not allowed to see him ever again. I was devastated and they said a lot of very uncalled for things and but I understand why they were angry. To be clear, they knew I had a romantic interest in Dean and that this hangout was to see if we would be compatible partners and get to know each other better. They did not call it a date though because they weren’t comfortable with it, even if it was a date and they kinda knew it. So while they were on some level “fooled,” I feel that their anger and harshness wasn’t called for as they knew the intentions of our hanging out. The next morning my father demanded to see my phone. This is when I started to panic. You see, they had stop tracking my texts and I had openly flirted with Dean over text. Nothing that explicit and no photos of any kind. But the flirting would be enough for them to tear my world apart and I knew it. They had gone through my personal conversations before and made me feel terrible because of it and I refused to let them do it again. So I deleted everything. The entire conversation chain, I removed it from my phone 100%. My parents absolutely lost their shit. They had been manipulating and gaslighting me for years, doing anything and everything to keep their control and with my actions I showed them they couldn’t control me forever and things went very downhill. I lost all my privacy and was once again told how I had betrayed them and I was terrible and couldn’t be trusted. Again- I partially understand their anger here because I had directly disobeyed a command. But at the same time, I feel as a young woman I should be allowed some sense of privacy and the ability to talk to people without being constantly monitored. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong and would happily do it again in a heartbeat if it meant I’d be where I am today. Regardless of this, my life became a living hell once again, and my parents compared this to when I came out, “which was maybe the worst night of their lives.” They stripped me of all my privileges even if I didn’t have many to begin with. They made me feel absolutely miserable and awful about myself and I was monitored like never before. I would be working and receive texts upon texts of how I was so terrible and how could I do this to them because they had done everything for me and I’m a terrible daughter who should be ashamed of myself for the deceit and malicious nature of my actions. Again- this was because they could not read the messages between me and my now boyfriend. I understand them being mad but they took it to a completely inappropriate level. I shared everything happening with my friends and counselor and they supported me and assured me I did nothing wrong and they would be there for me which helped but as my home was now a living hellscape it was hard to hear it. I found a way to tell Dean about things and at first he felt guilty but I assured him that their actions were not his fault but theirs. He then asked me if I wanted to pause our relationship but I told him honestly that they had taken so many things I cared about over the years and I refused to let them take this. I did tell him however I understood if he didn’t want to put up with all the complicatedness of my family but he told me he cared for me and would be there so long as I was okay with it. He also told me if things ever got really bad at home, regardless of the fact we had just started dating, he had spoken to his family and they offered me a place to stay if I needed/wanted it. This really touched me, but I reassured him that it was not his job to offer that, but I appreciated the offer.
This begins our relationship and we were very happy. We had found a way to communicate over email, and we were able to hide our relationship with my family. Luckily for me, over the years I had made a habit of hanging out at the park by myself so it was not strange for me to head to the park for a couple of hours. There, I would leave my car and phone (my phone had a tracker on it) and Dean and I would hangout multiple times a week and it was heaven. At this point, we’ve only been dating for a year but I can admit without any doubt that I am in love with this man and he is in love with me. During the school year, it became easier for us to hang out in between classes as we both went to the same college (I am older for my year in school and he is younger, so he was a sophomore in college while I was a senior in high school. However, we are barely a year apart in age for anyone who is concerned). However, in order for us to communicate and hang out, I had to be extremely diligent and was consistently covering my tracks while “once again, earning my parents trust and repairing our relationship.” Because of course their actions were completely justified and I was the one in the wrong, per normal. Anyways, every day, I was editing search histories, erasing messages, and looking over my shoulder. Our church had a program on campus where Dean and I went to school, so being together in public was risky as my father’s friends and coworkers were always on campus and I knew I would be screwed if we were caught together. We had a couple of close calls over the months but it was all worth it because I hadn’t been that happy in years.
Now, to the day I left and why. You see, my parents' behavior towards Scott was becoming more aggressive and worse over time. They also had, in my opinion, a drinking problem. Considering they didn’t deny it when I called them out, they may agree. They would behave more hostile after several drinks and it was happening so consistently I was constantly walking on eggshells. Between the way they treated Scott, the way they treated me and the constant stress I was under trying to balance my life in fear of the repercussions, things became too much. When things weren’t going to shit, I was consistently expected to either babysit my brother and do chores while being a full time college student and working a part time job WHILE attending church multiple times a week and keeping up with my responsibilities as a senior. This is on top of the stress my parents' behavior caused, meanwhile James was expected to do almost nothing in comparison. Don’t get me wrong- he didn’t do anything, but he had almost no responsibilities outside of school and his extracurriculars which were exclusively funded by my parents. Yes he helped with dishes during the week and would keep his space tidy. But as my schedule became much more flexible due to my school schedule, my expectations around the house became much higher than his. Even though I paid 200 a month on gas, 50 a month for insurance and 50 a month for the phone bill, and he paid nothing for his car, insurance, phone, gas, nothing. So you would think he would be expected to help in the house more but no. Also, James’s behavior towards Scott mimicked my parents and so all babysitting responsibilities fell on me as they couldn’t be trusted alone together. I was rarely if ever paid for my cleaning or babysitting services as it was my responsibility as their eldest child. They would also consistently judge me for my weight, cloths, hair, hobbies, etc. Why did I think it was a good idea to get fast food? I clearly didn’t need it. They would “outfit check me” to make sure the outfits I wore were feminine enough because the way I look effected their reputation and I couldn’t be trusted. I was not allowed to cut my hair after their tantrum over it. As for my hobbies, I stopped playing sports in middle school as I am very short (currently 5 foot even) and was unable to keep up with my peers. However my interest in video games and cartoons wasn’t feminine enough and they proceeded to compare me to my best friend Grace because she was skinnier and liked more feminine things than I did which hurt a lot. Another thing for context, I have PCOS. It’s an endocrine disorder that heavily effects your metabolism and hormones, which in turn severely effected my weight, however my parents never acknowledged it and again made everything my fault. So from what I wore, what I ate, who I hung out with and what I enjoyed doing was constantly criticized, scrutinized and eventually controlled by my family for years. On top of everything else, I was done. I was 18, I had resaved the thousand I paid my family and knew I was at a place where I didn’t need them and was tired of being treated like shit. So I left.
The night I moved out was a total shit show. I had rallied Dean and my other friend, let’s call them Rita (18NB), and they helped me form a plan. When I returned home, Dean and Rita would be on their way. I would pack everything that belonged to me or I felt they would let me take, and prep the bags outside. After Rita arrived I went to try and explain to my parents that I would be leaving and explain calmly why. In a perfect world, we would have had a long deep talk, and things would have ended alright. That is far, far from what happened. They immediately starting screaming, and took my phone and car keys as both belonged to them, which I calmly handed over. Rita was there for emotional support, and put themselves between me and my parents as they got more angry and seemed to be turning aggressive. After that, my father called the police and claimed that there was an intruder in their home trying to take their child. Yeah. Complete bullshit- which to this day I’m surprised they were never charged with falsifying a 911 call. They screamed at Rita to get out of their home and was screaming that I was throwing away everything and I needed to reconsider. I ignored them and attempted to calmly walk out, and my parents attempted to barricade the doors while harassing Rita to leave. Because Rita is incredible and one of my closest friends now, they refused to leave without me which was very calming. While my parents were distracted yelling at them, I slipped out through the garage. My mother saw this and then grabbed me, attempting to drag me inside by my arm. Rita saw this and assisted me in getting her off me, and after doing so we continued to walk towards Dean’s car where he was waiting for us. He figured it would be best if my family didn’t see him for the time being as they would definitely lose their minds at seeing his face. My parents continued screaming and then the cops arrived. They were quite confused at first because they had been sent to deal with a potential kidnapping, only to see two grown adults throwing a tantrum because their adult child didn’t want to live with them anymore. That night was honestly so insane I could write three more pages about everything they said and did. The most notable events were first when my mother tried to explain to the police that because I was her child, she was allowed to put her hands on me, which they humorously informed her was not the case. The next was when James came home from theater rehearsal, to which my parents told them that I was abandoning our family. He was an emotional wreck through all of it, and to this day has told me that until I “fix” things with our parents he is not okay with having any form of relationship with me. Throughout all of this Scott was in his room, and I was allowed to give him one last hug before leaving. The final and most notable thing, was as the cops allowed my boyfriend, Rita and I to leave, my father threatened violence towards my boyfriend and accused him of "taking advantage of his underage daughter," which is just ridiculous as we are practically the same age, and anything we had done together was consensual and reserved for after I turned 18. Another thing my parents did was go through each bag I had packed and took everything they felt belonged to them, including the laptop provided to me by my high school, which they hilariously were made to give back to me several days later as it was not theirs and they had no right to take it. They tried claiming they were giving it to me out of the kindness of their hearts, but that bullshit meant nothing as after I informed the school of their behavior, the school assured me they would be made to give it back. Another thing they threatened to do as I left was pull me out of high school, which I was assured by the police they were not capable of doing as I was 18. The police were for the most part annoyed with my parents, tired of their bs and told me I seemed to be a capable young woman and wished me the best of luck. My parents had tried to ask the police to say I was mentally unstable for the time being so I wouldn’t be allowed to leave, as their “she’s still in high school” excuse didn’t do anything. You see, as my father is an influential church figure and had friends in the police force, he thought they would be on his side but was sorely mistaken as the chief told him they wouldn’t be doing him any favors. And with that, I was free.
My boyfriend's family has been nothing but unconditionally kind and supportive and have accepted me as part of their family which has been a huge blessing in all of this. I am in contact with my father’s sister and his father, my aunt and grandpa, and as I have expressed my unhappiness at home, they are supportive of me as well. However, as my aunt lives further away and my grandpa is not in the best place to have me live with him, I have been with my boyfriend's family since I left home in October. I have a lot more I could say but I already feel like there are way too many parts here and so for now I’ll leave it at this. So yeah, AITA for moving out after I was treated like shit for years while witnessing the mistreatment of my sibling?

Chrisean Rock Astrology Forecast As Of May 11, 2024

With Mother's Day tomorrow and Chrisean Rock being a new mom, let's just do an updated astrology reading for her by checking her birth chart.
As we know, Chrisean was born in Baltimore and is known for her appearance on Baddies with Natalie Nunn and her own show she had with Blueface.
We know that she is a Pisces which is her sun sign/zodiac sign. She has a Cancer Moon which rules your emotions and emotional state.
Uranus is currently sextile Chrisean Rock's sun which means that she will be openly showing unpredictability and will likely be shocking people and even herself.
Uranus is in her 12th house which is the house of the unknown and blind spots as well. This can mean that she will have breakthroughs and insights. Could even result in premonitions and informative dream states.
Pluto is the planet known for exposing and causing change and this planet is currently opposing her North Node which shows that there will be a gradual process in her doing what she is supposed to be doing and going in the right direction. Pluto isn't making any connections with her personal planets yet, so she isn't expected to be going through anything too major right now.
Jupiter sextile her sun is giving her the expanding energy for her sports endeavor. Her Aries Mars will always see her through naturally though.
Let's go forward to the following month, June on this day to see what she may be experiencing.
Jupiter is the ruler of her 7th and 10th house and on June 11, 2024, she will have Jupiter squaring her Venus and Mercury which means that there can be issues with points getting across or communication issues between her and family or her and Blueface. She is likely to be intuitive around this time with Jupiter making a trine to her natal Neptune.
Since Jupiter will be squaring her Mercury and Venus, let's put focus on the fact that Mercury rules her ascendant and 4th house which is why there can be a link with family or her lover if it isn't about her mindset. Virgo being in her 4th house though makes it more tangible. Venus rules her 12th house and 5th house of romance and children. Basically this whole Jupiter aspect transit could be connected to her family. Let's see what happens.
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Good evening all, tonight I'm sending out an urgent prayer request for my girlfriend's mother, Tina.
Earlier in the week, Tina was sent to the hospital for difficulties breathing properly. Currently it has been determined she doesn't have pneumonia or a blood clot, but there is fluid in her lungs and we currently aren't sure why.
I ask that you please pray for Tina's health and comfort, and the Lord to comfort my girlfriend, Randi, as well as her father Mark and her brother James that the Lord protect them and be with them, and keep them comforted through this difficult time, especially with Mother's Day just around the corner. Thank you and God bless 🙏🏻🕊

Chrisean Rock Numerology Report

This Numerology report will be for Chrisean Rock who was born in Baltimore Maryland and who is a star based on her connection to Blueface and Natalie Nunn's Baddies show on Zeus Network.
Chrisean's Numerology Report will be a decoding all from her name, not her birthday. Her birthday is one thing that can't ever change in her lifetime so that energy is fixed and general.
Chrisean's full name is "Chrisean Eugenia Malone". I will first decode her first name separately as it's the most significant energy and then I will do a full name decode as well.
Let's start breaking down her name.
C - This is the third letter of the alphabet which gives it the energy of 3 and 3 energy could be very social or creative. This can also give someone a child like impression or there could be something about them that is very jolly or it reminds you of a child sometimes. This can make them come off approachable at times as well. Names that start with this letter, it makes three and the letter C the most significant energy. This shows how Chrisean and anyone else who has a name that starts with this letter approaches the world and people around them in a very curious manner. These people wake up every day waiting to explore and seeing what they can learn or find out for that day.
H - H is connected to energy that has pressure but this is also connected to ambition as well. This could be why Chrisean has a lot of ambition and the capability of mastering something in her lifetime which also fits well with the number 9 which is connected to her R and I letters.
R - This letter vibrates at the number 9 even though it is the 18th letter and this gives someone the capability of mastering themselves or mastering something physical or amazing. This also gives them strong, ambitious energy as well and we can see that she has a very fit body and into sports, plus she has an Aries Mars.
I - This is the 9th letter of the alphabet which makes someone very adventurous by nature and they have the capability of being quick to take action. This is very spontaneous energy so when people have this letter in their name, they can definitely shock people a lot. This also contributes to someone being a traveler of some sort so people with this letter in their name, especially more than once can indicate someone that is likely going to be taking trips or flying planes. They basically will get out of their hometown even if they return to it, but they will know what another country and city looks like for sure.
S - Being the 19th letter of the alphabet gives this letter the energy of one, but it is the energy of empowerment right from within and this could be someone that wants to do their own thing as well. These people could be impulsive or they know how to take initiative, especially when something has really motivated them or sparked their interests.
E - This is the 5th letter of the alphabet which gives someone the energy of creativity and this can also make someone visually appealing or they could have some type of creative skill. This also contributes to the energy of complexity, but she only has this once so it's not too complex, at least not from this letter. This letter gives her a fighting power or a fighting spirit so she is capable of utilizing her natural strength to overcome difficulty.
A - This is the first letter of the alphabet which contributes to independence and action.
N - This is the 14th letter of the alphabet which vibrates at the energy 5 just like E, but a matured version. This adds onto her capability of overcoming difficulty and also being creative or making something tangible from her creativity.
Looking into her full name, she has a Destiny Number 1, soul urge 5, and personality #5.
5 is the number connected to romance, children, war, and unpredictability which is definitely fitting as she always shocked people with her actions and how combative she is, but she is pretty aware as well.
Based on her #1 Destiny number, She is meant to come into her personal power and experience some ease, but this 1 energy may also contribute to her child-like actions as well. She is wise, although the 1 energy is connected to new spirit type of energy. The fact that she has this matches with her strong Aries Mars influence. The 1 destiny number also is why she takes things personal to a fault.
Her having a 5 soul urge gives her natural fighting powespirit. This also connects to her romantic nature and how she always wanted Blueface to please her or she put their romantic life on blast, but not for attention, just from a natural place.
If you liked this report, you can support me at $astroneek
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Yo! So I just got a question for you guys, I financed a 2023 Toyota gr86 from this Courtesy Chrysler dodge ram dealership over in Arizona. Did all the paperwork put a down payment of 11k down, guy did us a huge favor and lowered the price of the car down to 26k but 28 with taxes and all that and they usually go from 30-35k for the premium.
Everything went good and all we had to do was come back the next day to show them one of are names were on my girlfriends insurance, and my girlfriend was listed at as a driver (I helped her get this car because it’s her dream car) and we showed them the next day and they said everything was good and last without any issues at all mind you. Then today at work my girlfriend get a text saying too “please send all declaration page of all drivers” and we were confused so her mother messaged the guy asking “what is it that you’re missing, I thought they dropped it off to you yesterday?” And the guy said “They did but the declaration page is the page which lists all drivers, we need the page which shows him and her and the drivers, the card only shows 2 names and are the parents” and mind you again my name wasn’t on here because I’m a secondary buyer and not the main one, I didn’t wanna be on it because I wasn’t gonna be driving the vehicle so there was no point in having me on the insurance and pay more for no reason, considering they “only said have at least one of you on the insurance” which is my girlfriend she’s on there as a driver, and they knew this from the start and agreed with it. Her mother said to the guy “I don’t have it, that’s what my agent sent me but she’s on the insurance. The vehicle is insured with her name on it as well, what else do you need. I’ve never had an issue like this before, have a good day. Then the guy responds with “please do you have a number with the agent I can call please” “Ok I will come get the car and take it back if I do not get a page which has (me) & my girlfriend name as the policy holders I cannot get that after holding 1/2 hour with the company, call your agent or company or I have to get the car” Then she goes ahead and send every single thing of the insurance that clearly shows my girlfriends name as a driver for the car and the guy says “where is his name? I see the vehicle but not his name anywhere” So I just told her mom to not text him back and I said I’m going to message the salesperson ik who helped me during the sale and ask him, so I ask him if he’s heard of the situation with the car at all and he said “no I just got here, what’s going on” and I tell him about the situation that’s happening and he says “Let me go chat with my finance director. I haven’t heard anything. I’ll get an answer for you. Sorry someone is saying those things to you, that’s not okay.” So I say okay thank you sm let me know when you can, and he text me back 15 min later and says this “The GSM and GM of our dealer were also not aware that another salesperson had reached out with a threat to take a car away. He has been pulled into the general managers office and is currently being yelled at. I apologize for how unprofessional that was that another person threatened you/your family. We do not stand for this at our dealership. There is not tolerance for that behavior from any of us employees.
He will be dealt with accordingly.
So I was like “oh dang really? I just wanted to make sure this was true before we went through with anything! But thank you for letting me know James I appreciate you man” Then he messages me back again and says “From my understanding our sales director thought he was the salesperson when he wasn’t. He became stressed and flustered. Which is not a valid excuse for the actions committed.
He’s been punished for his actions by the upper management.
So that’s pretty much the whole story, was just seeing if that was illegal for that “salesperson” to do and say and what actions can be taken or what can be done, if anything can be done. And just opinion on the situation and what you guys would do?

Reddit, I am going to post this on a throw away because I am scared of potential legal repercussions and well, this person's state of mind and friends. I am a female, as I read this back I realise I almost look like a love sick boy who couldn't see what was in front of him. I had a lot of platonic love for her, she truly was an amazing person.
Before I delve in, it's a long one, so grab a cup of tea, maybe a biscuit or two. I am not sure what Im hoping for here; support, validation, advice? Im not sure, what I am sure of is that I can no longer tell the difference between my logical thought processes and my emotional reactions. So Im hoping you guys can provide a perspective I havent thought of, tell me my title is true and to suck it up, or validate my potential actions.
Once upon a time, I had a beautiful best friend. She just seemed to have the absolute worst luck and I had always been there to support her, we were inseparable. We'd often joke she must be (enter bad person of your choice)'s reincarnate. I say beautiful because she was a beautiful soul, lit up the room, lit up my life, altruistic, kind, thoughtful, considerate and would do anything for anyone, even to the detriment of herself.
The latest in this saga of her drama, she got a brain tumour. To this day we arent sure if it was caused by an accident at work but after that incident a mass was located, it seemed to disappear but less than a month after it disappeared a brain tumour was there in it's place. Michelle, now newly diagnosed with a brain tumour was understandably panicked but I reassured her that it was caught and we'll deal with it, whatever comes, as we always have with life's challenges. I can't tell you where it all went wrong from here, Reddit, so I'll paraphrase to get to my dilemma today. After 2 years, the NHS admit they've never seen a tumour like this, it's not responding to treatment and it's growing at an alarming rate that medication does not seem to be slowing down - at its biggest she claims it was 6cm x 5cm. They decide to withdraw treatment to 'see how it gets on'.
When she's telling me this, all I hear is 'you're going to die' but due to the pain and sleepless nights she seemed oddly at peace with this, thinking it was a good course of action. I express to her that I think the NHS has given up and she should consider private treatment. She expresses concerns about money and I instinctively say 'dont worry about that, we'll just get you right'. I completely underestimated the cost of this treatment it turns out but she managed to get a financial agreement and a medical loan and some other bits and she went ahead with the treatment. The treatment was intense, she couldn't work her full hours and the interest and penalties for late payments were extreme, so I stepped in. I could afford it and I wanted my best friend to focus on her recovery. As part of that she couldn't make her car payments either, which she needed for work and I needed her to have a job so she could one day repay me, so I covered that too, into the 1000s of pounds. Michelle always expressed gratitude, and I asked her not to work so much overtime and to focus on her recovery, that's why I was helping her and told her the more she pushes herself the longer her healing will take so this rush to get back on her feet was actually defeating the aim of getting back on said feet.
At some point, I started to get a weird feeling, she no longer seemed guilty to ask me for money, and the gut feelings kicked in. I started noticing a distance in her which I had assumed it was because she was knackered, recovering and processing basically a near death experience and thought nothing of it. My people pleasing self was happy to help, my selfish self was happy to be keeping my best friend in the whole wide world with me on this earth. There was also a boy... I didnt like the boy, James. I clocked him from the start as a manipulative, borderline narcissistic nasty shell of a man, but she was smitten. Throughout her treatment, she wasnt reliable, cancelling last minute due to being unwell and was dull and depressed often. James did what any boyfriend would do, told her she was 'too much' and left, then came back when he was horny, left again etc (please note this sentence is sarcastic). I told her I wasnt impressed by him and I was not a fan, over the years I worked out they'd have a major falling out every 3.8 months, and they were just the ones I knew about. Michelle was constantly at my house (she moved in and I looked after her for 3-4 months at one point) and was crying her little heart out, showing me his gaslighty texts (go away/come back, hot/cold behaviour), I was there through it all. Many a time I went to work absolutely out of it through lack of sleep, supporting her or being kept awake by her crying herself sleep over him in the next room. I'd take her shopping/out for food and try and console her pointing out that this is not good at all, but she said she needed a man because the comfort he could provide was different. I didnt agree, I thought he was making everything 10x worse, but I understood her thought process. James whisked her off on holiday while I couldn't afford a holiday, I was angry and I spoke to her about it.
I told her that Im glad she got away and had a great holiday but we'd actually had plans, she didnt even tell me she was going, she just went. When she came back we had a big talk and I thought all was well, until 2 weeks later she asks for money for her car. I feel trapped at this point because if I dont pay for the car, she loses her job, no return payment. So I do and spit at her that James should be supporting her after all the trouble he's caused - Im angry. This was July 2022. Michelle tells me that she wants me to like James, I said Im sorry but I dont and Im not going to pretend I do. I remind her of all the times she was crying over him and the events that caused it and of the incident the tumour took her eyesight when she was driving and James refused to tell me where she was so I could pick her up and take her to the hospital. I got it out of her eventually by her telling me where she was when it happened. After the hospital she ranted about his selfishness and manipulation all the way home. I laugh and tell her I hope she remembers this when she's sober from the meds the hospital put her on to reduce the inflammation on her brain (pressing her optic nerve, which is why she lost her eyesight) and gets shut of him.
At some point between then and Feb 2023 she's given the all clear of the tumour, hurrah.
The friendship appears to return to almost normal, but on reflection when I asked her for help (mental and emotional, not financial) someone's always got a bigger thing going on (usually created by themselves) and she just wasnt there for me. I felt entitled to that help given everything I'd done for not only her, but her family which I wont go into (lets just say a suicide attempt and CPS were involved), that's when resentment starts setting in. Im trapped, I can't say anything because if we arent friends, she wont give me the money I loaned her back... So I thought. Michelle then gets herself into a situation with another guy and ends up hooking up with him, though imo she was too drunk to do so. It has been going on for weeks, she was leading him on and I told her it'd backfire, it did. For months she refused to tell him she didnt want him / a relationship, while acting the girlfriend, sloping all over him etc and one fateful night she refused to go home with the designated driver and it happened. The friend group were mortified given it's grey space with what counts as r**e vs drunken mistakes and as a consequence, the friendship group disintegrated. The distance between us continues and I wonder if she blames me because I was the one who introduced her to this friend group. We talk and she says she doesnt hold me responsible, whether that's true, I'll never know.
By summer 2023 I'd been hit by a lot of surprise bills which I'd only just covered, then... knock knock, the tax man says I've underpaid tax and I need to pay it. They'd already capped my tax code and they wanted more so I had to pay it *now*. Then, my oven broken coupled with another surprise bill of £1000. My financial situation is screwed, so I reach out to Michelle, who may well have been dead if it wasnt for me, certainly wouldn't have had a car as it would have been repossessed and explain what's happened. I imply, but do not directly point out she's been working and I really need some help with my oven, she pays lip service to me about how awful it is and she wishes she could help. I push the issue and say it's £120 to repair the oven and Im skint and I can't now cook. Michelle wishes she could help but she "just cant".
A week later, guess who's going on holidays. I hadnt had a holiday for 2 years because I couldn't afford it as she was holding all of my savings. I pushed back some major work on my house I needed to have done because I couldn't afford it and she's.... on Holiday, with James,who she claims she wasnt with. Not to worry through as she claims she's going to treat me to a spa day to show how grateful she is for lending her all this money and I suddenly realise she's been lying about her relationship with him, they'd never broken up at all. I know he's in her ear whispering things about me as he made the mistake of trying to get a mutual friend involved in the slagging off of me, but he didnt join in, told me, and also told me Michelle didnt say anything about my involvement in her recovery (at this point the mutual friend didnt know I'd lent her a shed ton of money. Just that she'd moved in and I'd been looking after her and her family).
My mind casts back to when she was talking about bills and I suddenly realise she's been talking about *his* bills, even though he works full time, and my mind then reminds me she drunkenly told me about paying for family bills. She's been paying everyone's blimming bills apart from her own! I had to quit counselling, which I'd been in since her situation pushed me into a mental breakdown, I was hospitalised for 4 days. I had to cut back on my household bills such as food and mind the heating and worst of all, I had to ask my parents for money to fix the oven and then humiliate myself by explaining why in such a good job I couldn't afford £120 to repair. Well Reddit, if you've got this far and you want to call me an idiot and such, you've got nothing on what my parents said to me. So pretty please, dont bother.
So we are officially... not friends. I withdraw all contact, as predicted, no money comes... and I've no therapist, and cant afford one to help me process and manage this situation.
A few months later, I confront her and she bursts into how she's missed me and wants to meet up with me to make amends. Michelle apparently didnt know what to say! I guess 'Sorry' wasnt in her vocabulary. Im a little taken back, but I say sure... I want to hear what she has to say, so we meet up. All Michelle wants to talk about how great James is apparently, nothing about our friendship, what she did, nothing.
I leave and she asks to meet up soon. Im honest and say I need to process what's happened. She says to contact her when Im ready, I do, 2 weeks later. She blows me off for a meet up, I try again, blown off. That's 3 chances now... I understand now she realises she can't manipulate me into believing her pity party anymore. She's done with me, she can't use me anymore so Im useless.
After the fact I find out that the reason she didnt help me with my oven is she genuinely believes Im Ms Moneybags and that I was lying about my financial situation to 'guilt' her. Ironically, it was her lying about her financial situation as she was paying everyone elses way while I paid hers. I find out she's taken on drugs as a hobby and is exposing her little sister to it.
I contact her a few months later and tell her I want a payment plan. I feel strong, I got this. She messages me back non-nonchalantly and tells me she'll pay me what she can (after holidays, theater trips, day drinking and anything else she fancies, looking at social media) and somehow, the great lord grants me the ability to keep cool and I say Im not comfortable with that and we agree an amount. Im still delusional at this point, I can't believe what's happened and Im convinced she'll see the error of her ways and make amends. Nope. The amount we've chosen will take 3.8 years for her to pay me back in full and she refuses to set up a direct debit. I now suffer migraines, I've been diagnosed with stress, I beat myself up constantly and consistently, I have emotional flash backs/flares ups and Im just not in a good place. I need to get Michelle *out* of my life... but it's not an amount of money I can forgive, I know that for sure.
I cant talk to my friends about it because in some cases she's wronged them, so they're of course on my side. Im sick of being told Im stupid and to blame. I just tried to do a good thing, my parents are also on the -shrugs- "no good deed goes unpunished" side.
She's told me she's coming into some magical pot of money in the first half of this year and will pay me back in full. I dont believe her, and even if she did get this magic pot of money I dont think I'll see any of it. I will give her the benefit of the doubt, pigs may fly. But if not... what do I do? I can't continue to live like this! I accept the brain tumour did kill my best friend in the end, even though she's not 6ft under. I can't stand this new person she's become and dont trust her. I am also concerned about her friends because they have vandalised property of people who went 'against' them before.
So far my thoughts are:

1. In July, ask her to take out a loan and repay the full balance to me, so that we may both move on with our lives - but if she says 'No' what can I do? Can I do anything?
2. In July tell her she needs to pay me the amount she would have paid for her medical bill, she found it before on a lower paying job so now she needs to step up (this will mean she will finish paying me back in 9 months)
3. Court action, so even if I get 10 quid a week, at least it's not in her control.

Help me Reddit, I've been a fool. Do I have to just accept my mistake, hope she does the right thing for nearly 4 years and accept that I was manipulated, taken advantage of, and I am a clown?
Edit: Yes it's documented as a loan, each paypal to her was with a note that said 'Loan - (What is was for)'. Also when we agreed the payment plan she's paid the bare minimum the last 5 months she has agreed in writing the full loan amount and acknowledged that it was a loan.

Final Farewell (Six Rocks, Chapter 48)
"Hey, jackass!"
There was no overwhelming light, pearly gates, or mansions made of Gold. There was no lake of fire with demons thrusting pitchforks and laughing maniacally at him either. Michael was in a grassy field, on a dirt two track road littered with spent brass. In front of him. Just beyond him, a line of soldiers in a loose file marched casually into a treeline without a care in the world. Further in the distance, several mountains rose to meet the setting sun, covered with yellow flowers that resembled polished brass against the soft orange light.
"Earth to Sinclair!"
Everything in this moment was more real to him than any depiction of any heaven or hell he had ever seen or heard described, and the beauty of it all, from the idyllic wilderness in front of him to the spent ammunition under his feet and the uniform he wore stoked a sense of serenity he had never known in life. Michael wanted this, he deserved this, and he would accept this final reward.
"Mother fucker!"
The savage jab to his stomach caught him by surprise and the shock of it caught his attention more than the pain radiating in his gut. As cruel as the punch had been, a gentle hand rested on his shoulder and he knew Bailey was....
"Bailey?" Michael questioned.
"Took you long enough." Bailey replied.
It wasn't the man clinging desperately to life in Walter Reed, but the man who had trained him and walked proudly with him through hard times and hell. He was whole again, standing proud just as Michael remembered from the days before, complete with that cocky assed smile that defied the hardships of the past and cheerful eyes that refused to grow cold. It was the Sergeant Bailey who would smoke the shit out of you in training, and bullshit with you over a case of beer to get you out of your own head.
"Yeah," Michael replied, "too long."
"Well you're here now, and that's what matters." Bailey said, slapping Michael on the back.
Michael could feel his vision blur and allowed the warm tears to flow freely. Not tears of regret or loss as so many sleepless nights before, but tears of joy, reunited with the most stalwart friend he had ever known.
"I always knew you were soft Sinclair but Jesus fuck dude." Bailey chided.
Michael smiled at the jab, just like old times where nothing is sacred. Thick skin is the best defense against a cruel enemy, and your brothers and sisters in blood and mud will freely give you enough shit to make sure that skin of yours can take anything. To the outside world you become cold and heartless, the killer they require to protect them from other killers, but inside every one of those killers is the fear of hearing a name called three times by an officer standing behind a soldiers cross, wondering if there was anything you could do to have prevented that life from being lost.
Michael now stood among those who had given everything, and nothing more could be asked. He smiled at Bailey, proud to meet him again face to face, here where suffering and sacrifice could no longer reach them. It was a good death, an honorable death, and he wiped away his tears as he prepared to walk this road to where ever it would lead.
"You think I'll be buried in Arlington?" Michael joked as he turned to walk down the road.
"That's entirely up to you" Bailey replied reaching out an arm and blocking his path.
"What do you mean?" Michael asked.
Bailey allowed a tear to fall, something Michael had never seen before.
"I'm here, and I God damn well deserve to be here, and I'll be waiting for you when you get here," Bailey said, "but you're not done Sinclair."
Bailey pulled a pack of cigarettes from his breath pocket, removed two and offered one to Michael who accepted it. He lit both with his old and abused brass lighter and then took a long drag before exhaling.
"It was a pretty stupid move to be standing in front of that door." Bailey began. "I know I trained you're sorry ass better than that, fucking insulting watching you get your guts ripped up like that. Yeah, you could be here, you God damn well deserve this too, but you fucked up brother. Right now that fluffy girlfriend of yours; we're going to have a talk about that shit when you come back, don't think I'll forget. Anyway she's already pulled you out of that space ship and evac'ed your butt where some docs are putting you back together. You'll be a little more battered and bruised, probably won't be able to walk for a month or two, but you're gonna be on the mend."
"But I'm here now." Michael objected. "What if I don't want to go back?"
"Hey, dipshit," Bailey countered, "you got people over there who will fucking invent some shit to drag you back kicking and screaming. It ain't on me, and it ain't on you. God's probably on a cloud somewhere laughing his ass off at you're bullshit and thinking it ain't on him either. I got you and maybe a few more who remember me but I can't go back. I'm done, mission complete, flag draped box, 21 guns, taps on the bugle, nothing else follows. As much you want it too, not in the cards for you right now."
Bailey finished his cigarette, letting a long stream of smoke out before stripping the cherry and picking up where he left off. Michael wished he could stay here forever, but he had also started to feel something, like he was being pulled by the back of his shirt away from his friend.
"I miss you brother, and I didn't want you to stay by my bed just to watch me go. You still had a few hands to play, I was already called all in." Bailey said. "I'll be here when you get back, but if you can't find a reason in your dog or your girl or any of the other shit you got going for you..."
Michael felt a hard yank from behind and a familiar darkness fell over him.
/////
Pain.
Michael's eyes shot open and he tried to sit up, but the pain in his abdomen forced him right back down. He was in a hospital room, dimly lit and dark just outside the window in front of his bed. A warm fuzzy cheek nuzzled his left hand and he looked over to see Gettret sleeping in a chair by his side. He could remember everything that had happened before, and everything that he experienced beyond this world. The last words Bailey had said still rang in his ears.
"... live for me."
Tears erupted from his eyes without warning, and he whimpered softly as he found the strength to forgive himself for the things he couldn't prevent and the people he couldn't save. He cried, letting go of the pain, anger and loss he had held onto for so long, comforted in the knowledge that he was forgiven and that someone would wait on the other side as long as it took so they could walk down that road together. To her credit, Gettret either didn't wake up or didn't let on that she had, and Michael loved her even more for the ability to finally let go without anyone witnessing what a truly horrible mess he was when he didn't have to act human. Sleep would finally claim him, but in these few minutes that seemed to take forever, he could find the peace that alluded him all this time, in the warm tears and the vulnerability that was the real Michael James Sinclair.

First Previous
"Hey, jackass!"
There was no overwhelming light, pearly gates, or mansions made of Gold. There was no lake of fire with demons thrusting pitchforks and laughing maniacally at him either. Michael was in a grassy field, on a dirt two track road littered with spent brass. In front of him. Just beyond him, a line of soldiers in a loose file marched casually into a treeline without a care in the world. Further in the distance, several mountains rose to meet the setting sun, covered with yellow flowers that resembled polished brass against the soft orange light.
"Earth to Sinclair!"
Everything in this moment was more real to him than any depiction of any heaven or hell he had ever seen or heard described, and the beauty of it all, from the idyllic wilderness in front of him to the spent ammunition under his feet and the uniform he wore stoked a sense of serenity he had never known in life. Michael wanted this, he deserved this, and he would accept this final reward.
"Mother fucker!"
The savage jab to his stomach caught him by surprise and the shock of it caught his attention more than the pain radiating in his gut. As cruel as the punch had been, a gentle hand rested on his shoulder and he knew Bailey was....
"Bailey?" Michael questioned.
"Took you long enough." Bailey replied.
It wasn't the man clinging desperately to life in Walter Reed, but the man who had trained him and walked proudly with him through hard times and hell. He was whole again, standing proud just as Michael remembered from the days before, complete with that cocky assed smile that defied the hardships of the past and cheerful eyes that refused to grow cold. It was the Sergeant Bailey who would smoke the shit out of you in training, and bullshit with you over a case of beer to get you out of your own head.
"Yeah," Michael replied, "too long."
"Well you're here now, and that's what matters." Bailey said, slapping Michael on the back.
Michael could feel his vision blur and allowed the warm tears to flow freely. Not tears of regret or loss as so many sleepless nights before, but tears of joy, reunited with the most stalwart friend he had ever known.
"I always knew you were soft Sinclair but Jesus fuck dude." Bailey chided.
Michael smiled at the jab, just like old times where nothing is sacred. Thick skin is the best defense against a cruel enemy, and your brothers and sisters in blood and mud will freely give you enough shit to make sure that skin of yours can take anything. To the outside world you become cold and heartless, the killer they require to protect them from other killers, but inside every one of those killers is the fear of hearing a name called three times by an officer standing behind a soldiers cross, wondering if there was anything you could do to have prevented that life from being lost.
Michael now stood among those who had given everything, and nothing more could be asked. He smiled at Bailey, proud to meet him again face to face, here where suffering and sacrifice could no longer reach them. It was a good death, an honorable death, and he wiped away his tears as he prepared to walk this road to where ever it would lead.
"You think I'll be buried in Arlington?" Michael joked as he turned to walk down the road.
"That's entirely up to you" Bailey replied reaching out an arm and blocking his path.
"What do you mean?" Michael asked.
Bailey allowed a tear to fall, something Michael had never seen before.
"I'm here, and I God damn well deserve to be here, and I'll be waiting for you when you get here," Bailey said, "but you're not done Sinclair."
Bailey pulled a pack of cigarettes from his breath pocket, removed two and offered one to Michael who accepted it. He lit both with his old and abused brass lighter and then took a long drag before exhaling.
"It was a pretty stupid move to be standing in front of that door." Bailey began. "I know I trained you're sorry ass better than that, fucking insulting watching you get your guts ripped up like that. Yeah, you could be here, you God damn well deserve this too, but you fucked up brother. Right now that fluffy girlfriend of yours; we're going to have a talk about that shit when you come back, don't think I'll forget. Anyway she's already pulled you out of that space ship and evac'ed your butt where some docs are putting you back together. You'll be a little more battered and bruised, probably won't be able to walk for a month or two, but you're gonna be on the mend."
"But I'm here now." Michael objected. "What if I don't want to go back?"
"Hey, dipshit," Bailey countered, "you got people over there who will fucking invent some shit to drag you back kicking and screaming. It ain't on me, and it ain't on you. God's probably on a cloud somewhere laughing his ass off at you're bullshit and thinking it ain't on him either. I got you and maybe a few more who remember me but I can't go back. I'm done, mission complete, flag draped box, 21 guns, taps on the bugle, nothing else follows. As much you want it too, not in the cards for you right now."
Bailey finished his cigarette, letting a long stream of smoke out before stripping the cherry and picking up where he left off. Michael wished he could stay here forever, but he had also started to feel something, like he was being pulled by the back of his shirt away from his friend.
"I miss you brother, and I didn't want you to stay by my bed just to watch me go. You still had a few hands to play, I was already called all in." Bailey said. "I'll be here when you get back, but if you can't find a reason in your dog or your girl or any of the other shit you got going for you..."
Michael felt a hard yank from behind and a familiar darkness fell over him.
/////
Pain.
Michael's eyes shot open and he tried to sit up, but the pain in his abdomen forced him right back down. He was in a hospital room, dimly lit and dark just outside the window in front of his bed. A warm fuzzy cheek nuzzled his left hand and he looked over to see Gettret sleeping in a chair by his side. He could remember everything that had happened before, and everything that he experienced beyond this world. The last words Bailey had said still rang in his ears.
"... live for me."
Tears erupted from his eyes without warning, and he whimpered softly as he found the strength to forgive himself for the things he couldn't prevent and the people he couldn't save. He cried, letting go of the pain, anger and loss he had held onto for so long, comforted in the knowledge that he was forgiven and that someone would wait on the other side as long as it took so they could walk down that road together. To her credit, Gettret either didn't wake up or didn't let on that she had, and Michael loved her even more for the ability to finally let go without anyone witnessing what a truly horrible mess he was when he didn't have to act human. Sleep would finally claim him, but in these few minutes that seemed to take forever, he could find the peace that eluded him all this time, in the warm tears and the vulnerability that was the real Michael James Sinclair.

Reddit, I am going to post this on a throw away because I am scared of potential legal repercussions and well, this person's state of mind and friends. I am a female, as I read this back I realise I almost look like a love sick boy who couldn't see what was in front of him. I had a lot of platonic love for her, she truly was an amazing person.
Before I delve in, it's a long one, so grab a cup of tea, maybe a biscuit or two. I am not sure what Im hoping for here; support, validation, advice? Im not sure, what I am sure of is that I can no longer tell the difference between my logical thought processes and my emotional reactions. So Im hoping you guys can provide a perspective I havent thought of, tell me my title is true and to suck it up, or validate my potential actions.
Once upon a time, I had a beautiful best friend. She just seemed to have the absolute worst luck and I had always been there to support her, we were inseparable. We'd often joke she must be (enter bad person of your choice)'s reincarnate. I say beautiful because she was a beautiful soul, lit up the room, lit up my life, altruistic, kind, thoughtful, considerate and would do anything for anyone, even to the detriment of herself.
The latest in this saga of her drama, she got a brain tumour. To this day we arent sure if it was caused by an accident at work but after that incident a mass was located, it seemed to disappear but less than a month after it disappeared a brain tumour was there in it's place. Michelle, now newly diagnosed with a brain tumour was understandably panicked but I reassured her that it was caught and we'll deal with it, whatever comes, as we always have with life's challenges. I can't tell you where it all went wrong from here, Reddit, so I'll paraphrase to get to my dilemma today. After 2 years, the NHS admit they've never seen a tumour like this, it's not responding to treatment and it's growing at an alarming rate that medication does not seem to be slowing down - at its biggest she claims it was 6cm x 5cm. They decide to withdraw treatment to 'see how it gets on'.
When she's telling me this, all I hear is 'you're going to die' but due to the pain and sleepless nights she seemed oddly at peace with this, thinking it was a good course of action. I express to her that I think the NHS has given up and she should consider private treatment. She expresses concerns about money and I instinctively say 'dont worry about that, we'll just get you right'. I completely underestimated the cost of this treatment it turns out but she managed to get a financial agreement and a medical loan and some other bits and she went ahead with the treatment. The treatment was intense, she couldn't work her full hours and the interest and penalties for late payments were extreme, so I stepped in. I could afford it and I wanted my best friend to focus on her recovery. As part of that she couldn't make her car payments either, which she needed for work and I needed her to have a job so she could one day repay me, so I covered that too, into the 1000s of pounds. Michelle always expressed gratitude, and I asked her not to work so much overtime and to focus on her recovery, that's why I was helping her and told her the more she pushes herself the longer her healing will take so this rush to get back on her feet was actually defeating the aim of getting back on said feet.
At some point, I started to get a weird feeling, she no longer seemed guilty to ask me for money, and the gut feelings kicked in. I started noticing a distance in her which I had assumed it was because she was knackered, recovering and processing basically a near death experience and thought nothing of it. My people pleasing self was happy to help, my selfish self was happy to be keeping my best friend in the whole wide world with me on this earth. There was also a boy... I didnt like the boy, James. I clocked him from the start as a manipulative, borderline narcissistic nasty shell of a man, but she was smitten. Throughout her treatment, she wasnt reliable, cancelling last minute due to being unwell and was dull and depressed often. James did what any boyfriend would do, told her she was 'too much' and left, then came back when he was horny, left again etc (please note this sentence is sarcastic). I told her I wasnt impressed by him and I was not a fan, over the years I worked out they'd have a major falling out every 3.8 months, and they were just the ones I knew about. Michelle was constantly at my house (she moved in and I looked after her for 3-4 months at one point) and was crying her little heart out, showing me his gaslighty texts (go away/come back, hot/cold behaviour), I was there through it all. Many a time I went to work absolutely out of it through lack of sleep, supporting her or being kept awake by her crying herself sleep over him in the next room. I'd take her shopping/out for food and try and console her pointing out that this is not good at all, but she said she needed a man because the comfort he could provide was different. I didnt agree, I thought he was making everything 10x worse, but I understood her thought process. James whisked her off on holiday while I couldn't afford a holiday, I was angry and I spoke to her about it.
I told her that Im glad she got away and had a great holiday but we'd actually had plans, she didnt even tell me she was going, she just went. When she came back we had a big talk and I thought all was well, until 2 weeks later she asks for money for her car. I feel trapped at this point because if I dont pay for the car, she loses her job, no return payment. So I do and spit at her that James should be supporting her after all the trouble he's caused - Im angry. This was July 2022. Michelle tells me that she wants me to like James, I said Im sorry but I dont and Im not going to pretend I do. I remind her of all the times she was crying over him and the events that caused it and of the incident the tumour took her eyesight when she was driving and James refused to tell me where she was so I could pick her up and take her to the hospital. I got it out of her eventually by her telling me where she was when it happened. After the hospital she ranted about his selfishness and manipulation all the way home. I laugh and tell her I hope she remembers this when she's sober from the meds the hospital put her on to reduce the inflammation on her brain (pressing her optic nerve, which is why she lost her eyesight) and gets shut of him.
At some point between then and Feb 2023 she's given the all clear of the tumour, hurrah.
The friendship appears to return to almost normal, but on reflection when I asked her for help (mental and emotional, not financial) someone's always got a bigger thing going on (usually created by themselves) and she just wasnt there for me. I felt entitled to that help given everything I'd done for not only her, but her family which I wont go into (lets just say a suicide attempt and CPS were involved), that's when resentment starts setting in. Im trapped, I can't say anything because if we arent friends, she wont give me the money I loaned her back... So I thought. Michelle then gets herself into a situation with another guy and ends up hooking up with him, though imo she was too drunk to do so. It has been going on for weeks, she was leading him on and I told her it'd backfire, it did. For months she refused to tell him she didnt want him / a relationship, while acting the girlfriend, sloping all over him etc and one fateful night she refused to go home with the designated driver and it happened. The friend group were mortified given it's grey space with what counts as r**e vs drunken mistakes and as a consequence, the friendship group disintegrated. The distance between us continues and I wonder if she blames me because I was the one who introduced her to this friend group. We talk and she says she doesnt hold me responsible, whether that's true, I'll never know.
By summer 2023 I'd been hit by a lot of surprise bills which I'd only just covered, then... knock knock, the tax man says I've underpaid tax and I need to pay it. They'd already capped my tax code and they wanted more so I had to pay it *now*. Then, my oven broken coupled with another surprise bill of £1000. My financial situation is screwed, so I reach out to Michelle, who may well have been dead if it wasnt for me, certainly wouldn't have had a car as it would have been repossessed and explain what's happened. I imply, but do not directly point out she's been working and I really need some help with my oven, she pays lip service to me about how awful it is and she wishes she could help. I push the issue and say it's £120 to repair the oven and Im skint and I can't now cook. Michelle wishes she could help but she "just cant".
A week later, guess who's going on holidays. I hadnt had a holiday for 2 years because I couldn't afford it as she was holding all of my savings. I pushed back some major work on my house I needed to have done because I couldn't afford it and she's.... on Holiday, with James,who she claims she wasnt with. Not to worry through as she claims she's going to treat me to a spa day to show how grateful she is for lending her all this money and I suddenly realise she's been lying about her relationship with him, they'd never broken up at all. I know he's in her ear whispering things about me as he made the mistake of trying to get a mutual friend involved in the slagging off of me, but he didnt join in, told me, and also told me Michelle didnt say anything about my involvement in her recovery (at this point the mutual friend didnt know I'd lent her a shed ton of money. Just that she'd moved in and I'd been looking after her and her family).
My mind casts back to when she was talking about bills and I suddenly realise she's been talking about *his* bills, even though he works full time, and my mind then reminds me she drunkenly told me about paying for family bills. She's been paying everyone's blimming bills apart from her own! I had to quit counselling, which I'd been in since her situation pushed me into a mental breakdown, I was hospitalised for 4 days. I had to cut back on my household bills such as food and mind the heating and worst of all, I had to ask my parents for money to fix the oven and then humiliate myself by explaining why in such a good job I couldn't afford £120 to repair. Well Reddit, if you've got this far and you want to call me an idiot and such, you've got nothing on what my parents said to me. So pretty please, dont bother.
So we are officially... not friends. I withdraw all contact, as predicted, no money comes... and I've no therapist, and cant afford one to help me process and manage this situation.
A few months later, I confront her and she bursts into how she's missed me and wants to meet up with me to make amends. Michelle apparently didnt know what to say! I guess 'Sorry' wasnt in her vocabulary. Im a little taken back, but I say sure... I want to hear what she has to say, so we meet up. All Michelle wants to talk about how great James is apparently, nothing about our friendship, what she did, nothing.
I leave and she asks to meet up soon. Im honest and say I need to process what's happened. She says to contact her when Im ready, I do, 2 weeks later. She blows me off for a meet up, I try again, blown off. That's 3 chances now... I understand now she realises she can't manipulate me into believing her pity party anymore. She's done with me, she can't use me anymore so Im useless.
After the fact I find out that the reason she didnt help me with my oven is she genuinely believes Im Ms Moneybags and that I was lying about my financial situation to 'guilt' her. Ironically, it was her lying about her financial situation as she was paying everyone elses way while I paid hers. I find out she's taken on drugs as a hobby and is exposing her little sister to it.
I contact her a few months later and tell her I want a payment plan. I feel strong, I got this. She messages me back non-nonchalantly and tells me she'll pay me what she can (after holidays, theater trips, day drinking and anything else she fancies, looking at social media) and somehow, the great lord grants me the ability to keep cool and I say Im not comfortable with that and we agree an amount. Im still delusional at this point, I can't believe what's happened and Im convinced she'll see the error of her ways and make amends. Nope. The amount we've chosen will take 3.8 years for her to pay me back in full and she refuses to set up a direct debit. I now suffer migraines, I've been diagnosed with stress, I beat myself up constantly and consistently, I have emotional flash backs/flares ups and Im just not in a good place. I need to get Michelle *out* of my life... but it's not an amount of money I can forgive, I know that for sure.
I cant talk to my friends about it because in some cases she's wronged them, so they're of course on my side. Im sick of being told Im stupid and to blame. I just tried to do a good thing, my parents are also on the -shrugs- "no good deed goes unpunished" side.
She's told me she's coming into some magical pot of money in the first half of this year and will pay me back in full. I dont believe her, and even if she did get this magic pot of money I dont think I'll see any of it. I will give her the benefit of the doubt, pigs may fly. But if not... what do I do? I can't continue to live like this! I accept the brain tumour did kill my best friend in the end, even though she's not 6ft under. I can't stand this new person she's become and dont trust her. I am also concerned about her friends because they have vandalised property of people who went 'against' them before.
So far my thoughts are:

1. In July, ask her to take out a loan and repay the full balance to me, so that we may both move on with our lives - but if she says 'No' what can I do? Can I do anything?
2. In July tell her she needs to pay me the amount she would have paid for her medical bill, she found it before on a lower paying job so now she needs to step up (this will mean she will finish paying me back in 9 months)
3. Court action, so even if I get 10 quid a week, at least it's not in her control.

Help me Reddit, I've been a fool. Do I have to just accept my mistake, hope she does the right thing for nearly 4 years and accept that I was manipulated, taken advantage of, and I am a clown?
Edit: Yes it's documented as a loan, each paypal to her was with a note that said 'Loan - (What is was for)'. Also when we agreed the payment plan she's paid the bare minimum the last 5 months she has agreed in writing the full loan amount and acknowledged that it was a loan.