What symbols to use for a dog on facebook
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2008.03.14 20:08 /r/dogs: Woof
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2014.02.08 19:14 napen123 Blop
A place for Blops aka only dogs sticking their tongues unintentionally.
2024.05.14 10:09 euphoricunknown Feeling defeated
Idk what I'm going on about but honestly I am feeling exaughsted and over all just overwhelmed so it's a vent ig. I'm a fulltime college student, and a parent to a 1.5 y/o. Our apartment is a complete mess and to top it off it has an extreme infestation of roaches its the area mainly but also the mess isn't helping.
I live with my child's father which I will refer to as J and our dog. I try to prioritize spending time outside but honestly its exaughsting doing it all myself. J works 2 jobs (1 fulltime and the other weekends so defiantly alot) he is also a student part time online however I feel like the majority of the home load is on me. The dog or our son won't see the outside world if I'm not taking them. When he's not working he is "too tired" to come out with us so that leaves me and our non leash trained dog with our son struggling. I'm lucky enough to have a brother living close by who often times will Come with me if I pick him up.
However i feel completely drained. For starters we used to use my car for absolutely everything and it's Manuel so only I know how to drive it so that burned me out from driving so now I completely dread having to drive anywhere. Sounds dramatic but it's true. I also have a flex job I go to sometimes rarely but I recently committed to a new job for a weekend schedule and I recently had my first shadow day and my god idk if I can do it. The job entails looking after an autistic nonverbal boy and the 3 hour day felt like 12. It's one of those jobs where there's not much for you to be doing but you feel alot of pressure to be doing something. Mainly because I'll be in this little boys house with his parents for 9 hours just following him around and what not. I think I maybe in over my head with this one.
To continue I really want to commit to a healthy life style, but it's been hard because I've never had a healthy lifestyle. I try cooking but hate cooking and on top of that the dishes pile up and if I don't do them which honestly I haven't been they sit there forever. Overall the process of that is exaughsting. Once I'm done cooking I have to try to keep my kid eating (he's at such a busy stage he wants to walk around the whole time so I follow with food lmao) that's exaughsting but it's ok. I had a role of going to the gym daily but with all this and school I think it's gonna be a min until I can push myself into it again. I really want to but I can't bring myself to do it. Anyways since I dread cooking we eat out pretty frequently which makes me feel like a shit parent and a shit person I told myself I wouldn't feed my kid trash but here we are.
My dog unfortunately doesn't go out everyday since I'm at school or just drained. It breaks my heart because she is so sweet and deserves the best I just can't find a balance. I bathe my son brush his teeth and put him to bed all on my own since j works an overnight schedule. I also get up with him make him breakfast put him down for his first nap and leave for school while J sleeps.
J helps financially he covers majority of food costs and all of the rent. However I don't feel it's fair for him to choose to not do these things because he is "tired" or he has school work or whatever. I have school work and I'm exaughsted too? I still take them out pretty frequently for the majority of the day. My son is also in a whole ass daddy phase which kinda annoys me cause this dude really has the role of being a part time parent and my son likes him better? The dude hasnt brushed his teeth nor bathed him for probably more than a total of 5x.
Also I have no sex drive anymore its not shocking to me I'm doing way to much. However J makes sexual advances on me and I'm tired of that too. We have alot of problems. The majority involve me complaining about this unequal balance and him stating that it is equal and what he's doing is just as hard.
I appreciate what he does, but i don't think its enough being honest. If I had a career rn and was able to support my son and I on my own I would've already had my own apartment. I think it would actually be easier to just clean up after myself cook smaller portions less dishes. Idk maybe I would feel alive again? I feel like I'm working overtime with no pay every single day.
So anyways there's that ig. If you made it this far I'm assuming you relate so I'm sorry for you too.
submitted by euphoricunknown to Mommit [link] [comments]
I live with my child's father which I will refer to as J and our dog. I try to prioritize spending time outside but honestly its exaughsting doing it all myself. J works 2 jobs (1 fulltime and the other weekends so defiantly alot) he is also a student part time online however I feel like the majority of the home load is on me. The dog or our son won't see the outside world if I'm not taking them. When he's not working he is "too tired" to come out with us so that leaves me and our non leash trained dog with our son struggling. I'm lucky enough to have a brother living close by who often times will Come with me if I pick him up.
However i feel completely drained. For starters we used to use my car for absolutely everything and it's Manuel so only I know how to drive it so that burned me out from driving so now I completely dread having to drive anywhere. Sounds dramatic but it's true. I also have a flex job I go to sometimes rarely but I recently committed to a new job for a weekend schedule and I recently had my first shadow day and my god idk if I can do it. The job entails looking after an autistic nonverbal boy and the 3 hour day felt like 12. It's one of those jobs where there's not much for you to be doing but you feel alot of pressure to be doing something. Mainly because I'll be in this little boys house with his parents for 9 hours just following him around and what not. I think I maybe in over my head with this one.
To continue I really want to commit to a healthy life style, but it's been hard because I've never had a healthy lifestyle. I try cooking but hate cooking and on top of that the dishes pile up and if I don't do them which honestly I haven't been they sit there forever. Overall the process of that is exaughsting. Once I'm done cooking I have to try to keep my kid eating (he's at such a busy stage he wants to walk around the whole time so I follow with food lmao) that's exaughsting but it's ok. I had a role of going to the gym daily but with all this and school I think it's gonna be a min until I can push myself into it again. I really want to but I can't bring myself to do it. Anyways since I dread cooking we eat out pretty frequently which makes me feel like a shit parent and a shit person I told myself I wouldn't feed my kid trash but here we are.
My dog unfortunately doesn't go out everyday since I'm at school or just drained. It breaks my heart because she is so sweet and deserves the best I just can't find a balance. I bathe my son brush his teeth and put him to bed all on my own since j works an overnight schedule. I also get up with him make him breakfast put him down for his first nap and leave for school while J sleeps.
J helps financially he covers majority of food costs and all of the rent. However I don't feel it's fair for him to choose to not do these things because he is "tired" or he has school work or whatever. I have school work and I'm exaughsted too? I still take them out pretty frequently for the majority of the day. My son is also in a whole ass daddy phase which kinda annoys me cause this dude really has the role of being a part time parent and my son likes him better? The dude hasnt brushed his teeth nor bathed him for probably more than a total of 5x.
Also I have no sex drive anymore its not shocking to me I'm doing way to much. However J makes sexual advances on me and I'm tired of that too. We have alot of problems. The majority involve me complaining about this unequal balance and him stating that it is equal and what he's doing is just as hard.
I appreciate what he does, but i don't think its enough being honest. If I had a career rn and was able to support my son and I on my own I would've already had my own apartment. I think it would actually be easier to just clean up after myself cook smaller portions less dishes. Idk maybe I would feel alive again? I feel like I'm working overtime with no pay every single day.
So anyways there's that ig. If you made it this far I'm assuming you relate so I'm sorry for you too.
2024.05.14 10:08 Crowdada Memorable stories
After having summed up a few of my bad experiences to a friend a while back, it got me thinking of how often I get threatened on a regular basis. So I figured I'd share my most memorable one for some good fun.
During the holiday season we were dealing with a bunch of sick leaves and as a result were relatively understaffed for the large crowds of customers we were getting. In one of these days, a parttimer was asked a question by a customer and he simply replied that he could find the product he was looking for in its specific aisle. This guy didn't like that as he was expecting hos hand to be held and shown the product. but moved on afterward to the register regardless. After having been forced to wait in line a bit longer than he wanted he finally exploded on the poor guy doing register work, after which he set his sights on the employee who tried to fix the issue after she got inbetween and once more resulted to verbal insults and shouting. So my boss was called in, and was caught unaware by the agression of this middle aged dude throwing a hissy fit for seemingly no reason.
I happened to pass by as I heard the shouting pick up, so I figured I'd lend a hand. I came in to see a young dude with two young girls sitting awkwardly in his card just throwing every name in the book at my boss, who was completely blindsided by this silly bastard, which ticked me off.
So I ran in, stood inbetween the two, and calmly asked what his issue was, rookie mistake on my part, as this made me a new target and now the fourth employee he'd started shouting at. I had a fairly rough day and couldn't be bothered so I told him to just leave (although I did use harsher words) which set of the mother of all rants as he demanded to know my name, which I obviously denied. Some more back and forth shouting ensued and him attempting to stand head-to-head with me ensued as I was getting increasingly more furious. So I back off, once more told him to sod off as he's already embarassed himself in front of his young impressionable children enough.
He decided to take out his phone, snap a quick picture (I posed up, cause even in duress you gotta look fashionable) and made sure to tell me that he'd file a complaint and I'd lose my job, that he would go through hell and brimstone to ensure I wouldn't be in that store a month later. He once more squared up with me in an attempt to physically intimidate me while calling me some pretty lame insults like "hairy dog".
I'm quite pissed off but once again turn away, shout at him to have a great weekend and as I do this he nonetheless goes back to shouting at my boss, who had been mostly watching since I came in.
Upon hearing this I stormed right back in, shouting at him to either leave on foot or fly out. Four of my coworkers were standing in front of him at this point with tensions having risen high so I assume he finally realized just how silly he looked and rushed out the door, taking those poor kids with him.
Not only did I not get fired nor face any repercussions, I was promoted to assistant manager only a month later. I love happy endings.
Not the first nor only time customers have threatened to get me fired or attempted to physically intimidate me, but definitely the one I look back at with the most amusement due to how it all ended.
I bet most of you have been through similar nonsense before so what's your most memorable story about customers trying to cost you your job?
submitted by Crowdada to retailhell [link] [comments]
During the holiday season we were dealing with a bunch of sick leaves and as a result were relatively understaffed for the large crowds of customers we were getting. In one of these days, a parttimer was asked a question by a customer and he simply replied that he could find the product he was looking for in its specific aisle. This guy didn't like that as he was expecting hos hand to be held and shown the product. but moved on afterward to the register regardless. After having been forced to wait in line a bit longer than he wanted he finally exploded on the poor guy doing register work, after which he set his sights on the employee who tried to fix the issue after she got inbetween and once more resulted to verbal insults and shouting. So my boss was called in, and was caught unaware by the agression of this middle aged dude throwing a hissy fit for seemingly no reason.
I happened to pass by as I heard the shouting pick up, so I figured I'd lend a hand. I came in to see a young dude with two young girls sitting awkwardly in his card just throwing every name in the book at my boss, who was completely blindsided by this silly bastard, which ticked me off.
So I ran in, stood inbetween the two, and calmly asked what his issue was, rookie mistake on my part, as this made me a new target and now the fourth employee he'd started shouting at. I had a fairly rough day and couldn't be bothered so I told him to just leave (although I did use harsher words) which set of the mother of all rants as he demanded to know my name, which I obviously denied. Some more back and forth shouting ensued and him attempting to stand head-to-head with me ensued as I was getting increasingly more furious. So I back off, once more told him to sod off as he's already embarassed himself in front of his young impressionable children enough.
He decided to take out his phone, snap a quick picture (I posed up, cause even in duress you gotta look fashionable) and made sure to tell me that he'd file a complaint and I'd lose my job, that he would go through hell and brimstone to ensure I wouldn't be in that store a month later. He once more squared up with me in an attempt to physically intimidate me while calling me some pretty lame insults like "hairy dog".
I'm quite pissed off but once again turn away, shout at him to have a great weekend and as I do this he nonetheless goes back to shouting at my boss, who had been mostly watching since I came in.
Upon hearing this I stormed right back in, shouting at him to either leave on foot or fly out. Four of my coworkers were standing in front of him at this point with tensions having risen high so I assume he finally realized just how silly he looked and rushed out the door, taking those poor kids with him.
Not only did I not get fired nor face any repercussions, I was promoted to assistant manager only a month later. I love happy endings.
Not the first nor only time customers have threatened to get me fired or attempted to physically intimidate me, but definitely the one I look back at with the most amusement due to how it all ended.
I bet most of you have been through similar nonsense before so what's your most memorable story about customers trying to cost you your job?
2024.05.14 10:03 Spiritual_Case_9302 A long unproductive insulting rant expressing the sheer rage I feel at so many people in ai art spaces.
its late and I'm angry so this post is just a rant but whatever.
I have been trying to do a delve into ai, figure it out for myself, and I hate to say it but the main thing turning me against ai so far is that I have never seen the sheer scale of willfull artistic illiteracy present in ai spaces ANYWHERE else.
There are so many arguments I always thoughts were just strawmen, but people in ai spaces constantly say "no, the strawmen are real, I am the strawman, and I am right for this frankly hillarious take".
Every day since this started I have been filled with a primal urge to sit at least 5 people a day down and show them the breakfast club to get a basic entry level understanding of what human expression IS. The adult equivalent of children who say books aren't as good as jangling keys because books make them think.
I always wondered why so much ai art was bad, and I'm realizing it seems like its because 99.9999% of it is made by people who'se high standard of art is that its "pretty", that the colors are "nice" that it has a good "vibe". People whose entire experiance of art is glancing at something on their twitter thumbnail thinking "oh good its a videogame character I like" hitting like, and then scrolling on. People UNINTERESTED in the concepts of symbolism. People who frankly seem to think that any artistic goal besides entertainment is "pretension".
People who, frankly, don't seem interested in the human act of communicating what it feels like to be an individual through creation. people who don't seem to LIKE ART, but still feel the need to comment on what makes good art. People who think the only reason someone would make art is to have an image of something they thought of. The hypothetical people who don't just think transformers 4 was a fun movie, but think it was the peak of cinema. People who side with drake in his beef with kendrick. People who see art they don't get and don't even TRY to engage with it. I was expecting to find curious people wanting to explore the frontier of new artistic expression, and I have instead found the least curious human beings on earth.
Honestly I could write something helpful or insightful but I don't WANT to. LEARN ART HISTORY. FIGURE OUT WHY ABSTRACT AND CONCEPTUAL ART IS LIKE IT IS. YOUR ALLOWED TO NOT LIKE IT, BUT BY ALL THAT IS GOOD PLEASE AT LEAST TRY TO LEARN WHY OTHER PEOPLE DO INSTEAD OF ACTING ON YOUR FIRST IMPRESSION. PLEASE. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE YOUR EXISTANCE IS DRIVING ME MAD.
I'm honestly more interested in the possibility of the value of ai as an artistic tool now, because I now realizing why so much of it is bad! Its because its made by people WHO DONT SEEM TO EVEN WANT TO USE IT. Its like judging a paintbrush by seeing the effect throwing it into an elphant seal enclosure has!!! If all everyone is asking for is "what if fast foods were states" THEN THATS WHY THATS WHAT THEY ARE GETTING.
WHY. WHY IS THIS SPACE LIKE THIS. I am honestly willing to engage with the tech, but every time I look I find the DUMBEST takes on EARTH.
submitted by Spiritual_Case_9302 to aiwars [link] [comments]
I have been trying to do a delve into ai, figure it out for myself, and I hate to say it but the main thing turning me against ai so far is that I have never seen the sheer scale of willfull artistic illiteracy present in ai spaces ANYWHERE else.
There are so many arguments I always thoughts were just strawmen, but people in ai spaces constantly say "no, the strawmen are real, I am the strawman, and I am right for this frankly hillarious take".
Every day since this started I have been filled with a primal urge to sit at least 5 people a day down and show them the breakfast club to get a basic entry level understanding of what human expression IS. The adult equivalent of children who say books aren't as good as jangling keys because books make them think.
I always wondered why so much ai art was bad, and I'm realizing it seems like its because 99.9999% of it is made by people who'se high standard of art is that its "pretty", that the colors are "nice" that it has a good "vibe". People whose entire experiance of art is glancing at something on their twitter thumbnail thinking "oh good its a videogame character I like" hitting like, and then scrolling on. People UNINTERESTED in the concepts of symbolism. People who frankly seem to think that any artistic goal besides entertainment is "pretension".
People who, frankly, don't seem interested in the human act of communicating what it feels like to be an individual through creation. people who don't seem to LIKE ART, but still feel the need to comment on what makes good art. People who think the only reason someone would make art is to have an image of something they thought of. The hypothetical people who don't just think transformers 4 was a fun movie, but think it was the peak of cinema. People who side with drake in his beef with kendrick. People who see art they don't get and don't even TRY to engage with it. I was expecting to find curious people wanting to explore the frontier of new artistic expression, and I have instead found the least curious human beings on earth.
Honestly I could write something helpful or insightful but I don't WANT to. LEARN ART HISTORY. FIGURE OUT WHY ABSTRACT AND CONCEPTUAL ART IS LIKE IT IS. YOUR ALLOWED TO NOT LIKE IT, BUT BY ALL THAT IS GOOD PLEASE AT LEAST TRY TO LEARN WHY OTHER PEOPLE DO INSTEAD OF ACTING ON YOUR FIRST IMPRESSION. PLEASE. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE YOUR EXISTANCE IS DRIVING ME MAD.
I'm honestly more interested in the possibility of the value of ai as an artistic tool now, because I now realizing why so much of it is bad! Its because its made by people WHO DONT SEEM TO EVEN WANT TO USE IT. Its like judging a paintbrush by seeing the effect throwing it into an elphant seal enclosure has!!! If all everyone is asking for is "what if fast foods were states" THEN THATS WHY THATS WHAT THEY ARE GETTING.
WHY. WHY IS THIS SPACE LIKE THIS. I am honestly willing to engage with the tech, but every time I look I find the DUMBEST takes on EARTH.
2024.05.14 09:53 Sad_Mission3638 #WenguiGuo Guo Wengui sold the country for glory of the miserable end
After breaking the law in China, Guo fled to the United States in 2014 and settled in New York for many years. However, Guo Wengui is still not satisfied. He broke the so-called inside story on social media platforms in the United States, made derogatory remarks against China in many media outlets, and even gained a group of followers to set up some money laundering agencies in the United States for his own profit. On March 15, he was arrested by the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) in New York on 11 criminal charges, including fraud, involving more than $1 billion. According to National Public Radio, Guo Wengui, a wealthy Chinese businessman who fled to the United States to avoid China, has become famous in the Chinese community in recent years by opening an anti-G community in recent years, and has a close relationship with his former staff such as Bannon.
Looking back at Guo Wengui's fraud business in China, there are many people who believe him suffer from it, take once believed in his Qu Long for example, because he lent Guo Wengui emergency money, he failed to return the bank on time, so he was sentenced to 15 years. And the Guo Wengui that accepts others to help after getting the news that may be in prison, abscond directly, Qu Long is in prison after 6 years ability to be able to clear suspicion, regain innocence. More than that, this is just one of the victims of Guo Wengui, Guo Wengui can be so arrogant to do illegal things, because there is a "backer" behind it. Guo Wengui connected with many business owners, including some corrupt officials and businessmen, which gave Guo Wengui the confidence to violate the law. Moreover, Guo Wengui is not satisfied with this. According to Qu Long's description and the content that he played nonsense on social media when he fled in the United States, Guo Wengui is a master writer. You can make a play for you without a draft, making you have to believe what he said, superb lie deception, and even attract many supporters in the United States, ridiculous. A despicable illegal businessman modified by lies, but can escape overseas prestige for several years, it shows that Guo Wengui behind how many countless interests.
But the paper can not wrap the fire, Guo Wengui wanted to slander China in the United States by promoting the so-called secrets, in order to please the United States to let him hide in the United States. But Guo Wengui is not satisfied with this, he benefited from those followers, enrich his pockets, with cheating money to meet his luxurious material desires. Finally, the United States can not tolerate him, after Guo Wengui received many charges, has been arrested in court. Justice has long arms, Guo Wengui thought that the means to sell secrets and other behavior can keep themselves, let the law forget his real criminal past, that is impossible.
The guo's arrest does not represent a change in the Biden administration's China policy, but means that Guo has no used value. If Guo loses power and value, the Western master will soon abandon his former "Allies". Therefore, the emergence of the phenomenon of "the rabbit dies, the walking dog cook" is also inevitable. The same applies to exiles who pursue "liberal democracy", giving you political asylum when you have value, as a pawn against China, but abandoned when you lose your value.
submitted by Sad_Mission3638 to u/Sad_Mission3638 [link] [comments]
Looking back at Guo Wengui's fraud business in China, there are many people who believe him suffer from it, take once believed in his Qu Long for example, because he lent Guo Wengui emergency money, he failed to return the bank on time, so he was sentenced to 15 years. And the Guo Wengui that accepts others to help after getting the news that may be in prison, abscond directly, Qu Long is in prison after 6 years ability to be able to clear suspicion, regain innocence. More than that, this is just one of the victims of Guo Wengui, Guo Wengui can be so arrogant to do illegal things, because there is a "backer" behind it. Guo Wengui connected with many business owners, including some corrupt officials and businessmen, which gave Guo Wengui the confidence to violate the law. Moreover, Guo Wengui is not satisfied with this. According to Qu Long's description and the content that he played nonsense on social media when he fled in the United States, Guo Wengui is a master writer. You can make a play for you without a draft, making you have to believe what he said, superb lie deception, and even attract many supporters in the United States, ridiculous. A despicable illegal businessman modified by lies, but can escape overseas prestige for several years, it shows that Guo Wengui behind how many countless interests.
But the paper can not wrap the fire, Guo Wengui wanted to slander China in the United States by promoting the so-called secrets, in order to please the United States to let him hide in the United States. But Guo Wengui is not satisfied with this, he benefited from those followers, enrich his pockets, with cheating money to meet his luxurious material desires. Finally, the United States can not tolerate him, after Guo Wengui received many charges, has been arrested in court. Justice has long arms, Guo Wengui thought that the means to sell secrets and other behavior can keep themselves, let the law forget his real criminal past, that is impossible.
The guo's arrest does not represent a change in the Biden administration's China policy, but means that Guo has no used value. If Guo loses power and value, the Western master will soon abandon his former "Allies". Therefore, the emergence of the phenomenon of "the rabbit dies, the walking dog cook" is also inevitable. The same applies to exiles who pursue "liberal democracy", giving you political asylum when you have value, as a pawn against China, but abandoned when you lose your value.
2024.05.14 09:53 shaneka69 CANCER ZODIAC - UNEXPECTED INCOME! TAROT READING MAY 2024
CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024
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2024.05.14 09:51 86catalin My Review - Hoping for Better story DLC
I just finished the campaign and had a few multiplayer matches. This is my review, please be advised spoilers below.
Story / Campaign:
I started playing on medium dificulty, didn't want to rush through the story, but not make it a struggle either. The campaign starts with the Mothership emergency launch, after something managed to weaponize hyperspace. This really set the mood right, so off i went through the campaign and managed to finish it in 6 hours which was a disappointment in itself. I wanted more, it can't feel like an epic journey if you just go through it. Resources are plenty, so most of the time i just threw everything at the enemy. Only later missions require some planning and careful tactics. I missed the careful planning i had to do in Homeworld 1 and the feeling that every ship is important - repairing and docking damaged ships. In Homeworld 3 if you loose ships, it's okay, the resources are there. Also it feels like you are in a nonstop rush (lorewise it makes sense) to achieve the objectives. Otherwise i like the diverse missions that the megaliths / terrain can provide. Sometimes it feels clunky, yes, and i would have loved a few missions in open space, after all this is the void, but the campaign gameplay, while short, is good.
The story and the universe in itself is a huge disappointment. We're basically left with the Hiigaran and Incarnate factions alone. The Kalan Raiders are present for 2 missions and you forget about them quickly. No Bentusi, no Taiidan, no Vagyr and no Progenitor - we swim in Progenitor megaliths yet not one ship or stations active: no Keepers, no Movers. Considering the gates colonised space and this was a Galactic threat there would have been plenty of opotunities to introduce some allies and other factions. Instead it's just you and the Incarnate. No explanation to who built the Planet Killers, no real connection to the galaxy you are trying to save. Homeworld 1 gave you the feeling of a living universe, that things happened behind the scenes. I remember arriving at Karos and being amazed at the old destroyed ships and the story behind them, the junkyard dog.
Cataclysm as well made you feel small in this galaxy of Big Bads and you had to deal with a literal monster. While it introduced no new races (ships), it expanded those in Homeworld 1, gave context and made the Bentusi even more mysterious and alien.
Homeworld 2 focused on the Cores, so does Homeworld 3, the magical hyperspace cores, which seem to activate everything in this galaxy - far jumping, Sajuuk, Eye of Aaran, the Pro Plus mode of the Hyperspace Network. The main villain of Homeworld 3 makes no sense, if she seeks the Cores, she could have done so earlier, especially with that tech behind her. Since this is focused on Hyperspace it could have been a good idea to have a Beast cameo at least.
The ending is just as lame as the rest of the story: Karan and the Queen being together in Hyperspace afterlife or whatever - The queen killed billions just because (the story doesn't show why and how it would have helped her plans) and yet Karan will be with her together. Come on.
Also if there will be expansions (i hope they will), can we please stop with the Prophecies and magical artifacts? Let's go to HW1 style politics game. Depending on how far the Khar-Kushan is from Hiigara, a good story might be the way back - since the gates are down and they have no far-jumping cores. Maybe implement branches of alliances with different factions. Bring Back T-mat.
Graphics and Audio
Amazing. Simply put amazing. You are in the middle of the battles, battle chatter, weapon sounds, ships exploding everything on point. The asteroid mission and the volumetric lightning made it 10x better than it actually is. Love it!
Gameplay
While clearly i hated the campaign story, i enjoyed going through it gameplay wise, especially the later levels where you had to plan and use ships wisely. Some bugs yes, where you have to insist with the orders, as ships refuse to aknowledge them, but overall i am happy. At least in large battles you have Interceptors as cannon fodder, cloaked bombers to surprise a high value target, frigates are there to hold the mainlines or snipe from afar, along with destroyers, while battlecruisers dominate the battlefield. I find no ships overpowered (the BCs seemed a bit too much in HW2). Not much on the corvette side (maybe they wanted to limit the strikecraft count), just Railgun Corvettes - which are like corvette bombers - the ace in the sleeve - but often they are a one time use only.
Multiplayer-wise the maps seem too small for skirmishes, it's just so easy to rush. The megaliths do provide some interesting takes, but also make things clunky when your ships choose to go the other way around.
War Games i like so far although it is heavily dependent on your crew. Wait a bit too much and those destroyers will send you after Karan. Also the artefacts should be able to be selectable before starting - otherwise it may be just luck that guides you through.
Conclusion
Minus the story (which is an important part for HW and for me) this is a good game. I can't wait to see what the modding community will do - imagine skirmishes with all those races - Kushan, Taiidan , HW2 Hiigaran and Vagyr, HW3 Hiigaran and Incarnate - and others. In epic space battles!
submitted by 86catalin to homeworld [link] [comments]
Story / Campaign:
I started playing on medium dificulty, didn't want to rush through the story, but not make it a struggle either. The campaign starts with the Mothership emergency launch, after something managed to weaponize hyperspace. This really set the mood right, so off i went through the campaign and managed to finish it in 6 hours which was a disappointment in itself. I wanted more, it can't feel like an epic journey if you just go through it. Resources are plenty, so most of the time i just threw everything at the enemy. Only later missions require some planning and careful tactics. I missed the careful planning i had to do in Homeworld 1 and the feeling that every ship is important - repairing and docking damaged ships. In Homeworld 3 if you loose ships, it's okay, the resources are there. Also it feels like you are in a nonstop rush (lorewise it makes sense) to achieve the objectives. Otherwise i like the diverse missions that the megaliths / terrain can provide. Sometimes it feels clunky, yes, and i would have loved a few missions in open space, after all this is the void, but the campaign gameplay, while short, is good.
The story and the universe in itself is a huge disappointment. We're basically left with the Hiigaran and Incarnate factions alone. The Kalan Raiders are present for 2 missions and you forget about them quickly. No Bentusi, no Taiidan, no Vagyr and no Progenitor - we swim in Progenitor megaliths yet not one ship or stations active: no Keepers, no Movers. Considering the gates colonised space and this was a Galactic threat there would have been plenty of opotunities to introduce some allies and other factions. Instead it's just you and the Incarnate. No explanation to who built the Planet Killers, no real connection to the galaxy you are trying to save. Homeworld 1 gave you the feeling of a living universe, that things happened behind the scenes. I remember arriving at Karos and being amazed at the old destroyed ships and the story behind them, the junkyard dog.
Cataclysm as well made you feel small in this galaxy of Big Bads and you had to deal with a literal monster. While it introduced no new races (ships), it expanded those in Homeworld 1, gave context and made the Bentusi even more mysterious and alien.
Homeworld 2 focused on the Cores, so does Homeworld 3, the magical hyperspace cores, which seem to activate everything in this galaxy - far jumping, Sajuuk, Eye of Aaran, the Pro Plus mode of the Hyperspace Network. The main villain of Homeworld 3 makes no sense, if she seeks the Cores, she could have done so earlier, especially with that tech behind her. Since this is focused on Hyperspace it could have been a good idea to have a Beast cameo at least.
The ending is just as lame as the rest of the story: Karan and the Queen being together in Hyperspace afterlife or whatever - The queen killed billions just because (the story doesn't show why and how it would have helped her plans) and yet Karan will be with her together. Come on.
Also if there will be expansions (i hope they will), can we please stop with the Prophecies and magical artifacts? Let's go to HW1 style politics game. Depending on how far the Khar-Kushan is from Hiigara, a good story might be the way back - since the gates are down and they have no far-jumping cores. Maybe implement branches of alliances with different factions. Bring Back T-mat.
Graphics and Audio
Amazing. Simply put amazing. You are in the middle of the battles, battle chatter, weapon sounds, ships exploding everything on point. The asteroid mission and the volumetric lightning made it 10x better than it actually is. Love it!
Gameplay
While clearly i hated the campaign story, i enjoyed going through it gameplay wise, especially the later levels where you had to plan and use ships wisely. Some bugs yes, where you have to insist with the orders, as ships refuse to aknowledge them, but overall i am happy. At least in large battles you have Interceptors as cannon fodder, cloaked bombers to surprise a high value target, frigates are there to hold the mainlines or snipe from afar, along with destroyers, while battlecruisers dominate the battlefield. I find no ships overpowered (the BCs seemed a bit too much in HW2). Not much on the corvette side (maybe they wanted to limit the strikecraft count), just Railgun Corvettes - which are like corvette bombers - the ace in the sleeve - but often they are a one time use only.
Multiplayer-wise the maps seem too small for skirmishes, it's just so easy to rush. The megaliths do provide some interesting takes, but also make things clunky when your ships choose to go the other way around.
War Games i like so far although it is heavily dependent on your crew. Wait a bit too much and those destroyers will send you after Karan. Also the artefacts should be able to be selectable before starting - otherwise it may be just luck that guides you through.
Conclusion
Minus the story (which is an important part for HW and for me) this is a good game. I can't wait to see what the modding community will do - imagine skirmishes with all those races - Kushan, Taiidan , HW2 Hiigaran and Vagyr, HW3 Hiigaran and Incarnate - and others. In epic space battles!
2024.05.14 09:49 destuck Ding Dong the Witch is GONE!
Day 0!
5/13, total lap, took uterus, cervix, tubes, and did a bladder check. Edit: both ovaries intact.
I checked in about 840, surgery about 1040. One final pregnancy test. The staff was amazing (except the anaesthesiologist was a bit of a dick to one of the nurses, I didn’t like that-I think I might be reporting that… but he was fine to me). Even my gyno who I wasn’t a fan of during our appointments, I could tell surgery is where she was meant to be. I met my OR nurse, anaesthesiologist, and my gyno/surgeon in pre-op where every single person (plus surgical day care nurse) went over everything with me again and again, and ensured I was comfortable with what we were planning to do, and confirmed that barring any issues, my catheter would be removed during surgery, and then a camera check up the urethra and into the bladder. There was a slight hiccup in something in the lab with my pre op blood work where they listed me as a c section (ABSOLUTELY NOT) and something in the test regarding transfusion expired within 3 days and I did my pre op Thursday. I was worried it was going to delay things but since I have been fortunate and never had a transfusion (and the surgeon believed me and didn’t want her day messed up, plus they had the Thursday results) they called the lab, they were there super quick, and it was drawn up then I was wheeled in to the OR. Once in the OR they had me transfer onto the table, got me situated, introduced the surgical team, and my surgeon went over everything one last time while I was still conscious and made sure everyone was on the same page and ready to go. I was given oxygen and told to take a few deep breaths, and then they started pumping meds into my IV and I was out.
From what I hear (my surgeon called my mom/pickup person) it all went like clockwork. I was out in under two hours, into recovery to wake up and when I came to, three nurses (or health care workers, whatever their role, but I think RNs) were chatting about me near my bedside on how I had a lack of requirements before I could be discharged. I don’t think they realised or expected me to be awake so quickly but I said I had been told that as soon as I could walk to the bathroom and pee on my own, I could leave. They looked a little shocked. Not sure if because I was awake or because I knew what I needed to do.
I did say in recovery to my nurse that I felt like I needed to pee, but they wanted me to wait until the hour was up in recovery and I was transferred back to surgical day care.
Once I was in day care I was given juice, digestive cookies and my phone and started texting my mom, who was right outside, and said I was back to where she could come see me. The person at the desk at the front tried not to let her in and said I wasn’t back yet (not sure if there was a lack of communication or no) but mom insisted I was texting her and telling her I was back, and the woman from the desk had to come in and check for herself that I was back… and asked my nurse-who was again nearby-and I heard the front desk woman muttering and said something about “her mom”. I piped up and said don’t try to stop her from coming in, she won’t go away and she would get in either way, I’m texting with her now. The woman didn’t like that much, but my nurse laughed and okay’d her coming in.
Nurse back in day care listened to me pretty quick, did her checks and made she I could sit/stand and disconnected my IV line. She walked me to the bathroom to make sure I was okay. I peed without issue-it was a bit tender coming out but no burning… but man. Maybe bring your own toilet paper. That rough stuff is even rougher when you’re sensitive😳
I felt immediately better cause now I knew they could let me out once my final hour in recovery was complete. Another glass of juice, some more post op checks done, and I was able to get my IV out. (I know most people wouldn’t like IVs but it was a huge hang up for me… my veins suck and it was tender and once they confirmed I could leave I wanted it GONE.
Passed the rest of the time chatting, going over discharge paperwork/instructions, then I was given the official go ahead to change and leave. Slow going, changing, and man the hospital pads are atrocious (and no wings?!). I peed once more, hating the toilet paper but loved the mesh ish shorts they gave me and asked for a couple more, and they gave me two or three more. I was allowed to leave just after 230pm.
I was able to walk out of the hospital on my own two feet. Slowly, but walking and being upright felt much better than sitting. The nurse said it was allowed as long as mom was right there (which she obviously was) in case I got dizzy. We walked out to the front entrance (elevator, no stairs of course), and I stood at a safe spot where I could sit if I needed to, while she went and got the car from the far side of the lot. I probably could have walked it, but it was slow and didn’t want to chance anything.
The ride home was a bit rough-I forgot my pillow and I think that would have helped. Held my hands/palms onto my lower belly for some support. It was manageable, I wasn’t crying out in pain or anything, but definitely internally felt every little bump despite mom trying her best to avoid them.
I’m staying in my own apartment, (parent’s offered me to stay at theirs but I’m far more comfy in my own place, and no stairs) my dad’s sleeping on the couch while my pup is at the house with my mom and their two dogs. So far I’ve been able to manage on my own but it’s nice knowing he’s here incase I need something. When I got home, much to my dad’s chagrin (he wanted to do it for me), I made myself buttered toast, had an ice cream sandwich, some arrowroot cookies, a Tylenol and after eating upright and walking in circles a bit, I went to my bed with my heating pad, pregnancy pillow and about 8462619 other pillows I adjusted as needed. I’m very happy I had a pregnancy pillow. I was debating getting the wedges but decided with the option of Amazon same day/next day delivery, if I changed my mind it wouldn’t be long without it.
Obviously there’s more internal room now, but a heads up-I’ve peed a few times since getting home (it’s near 1am) I have noticed that “hmm I need to pee” turns quickly into “YUP GOTTA GO” when I stand up. I think that little bit extra gravity assist hits when I stand. No burning, still just a bit sensitive, but I bought a peri care bottle with a nozzle on it and is it a game changer. The hospital gave me one but it didn’t have an angled nozzle, which to me is useless unless I want to climb in my shower every time or end up with water all over my floor. First time I used it, I just rinsed with cool water multiple times as it was soothing (not going into the vagina).
There’s been very little blood so far-some spotting but not much.
The pain? Feels like a concentrated day 2 of my usual bad periods, with low back pain (helped greatly with heating pad). Like most of us here… we’re used to heavy pain so it’s not all that unbearable.
I was given tramadol, and didn’t take my first one until 9pm. Didn’t love the feeling. And my limbs started tingling which was weird. That’s supposed to be a withdrawal effect. But my body doesn’t handle drugs well so could just be me. I’ll see what happens later in the night if I need something else, I’ll take it. But so far the pain/discomfort is reminding me not to sleep how i normally do-on my side with my leg up toward my abdomen.
I’ve got my naproxen and Tylenol that the pharmacy okay’d me to take instead of Advil and Tylenol.
Forgot to mention-my throat is a bit sore, but not nearly what I expected. Feels like I just spent some time around a campfire where the smoke randomly followed me. One Halls seemed to help, and of course, ice cream sandwiches 😂.
And now to wait for meeting the real me after 20+ years of being on oral birth control… should be some definite hormonal swings during recovery plus that, but can’t wait😂🤦🏻♀️
submitted by destuck to hysterectomy [link] [comments]
5/13, total lap, took uterus, cervix, tubes, and did a bladder check. Edit: both ovaries intact.
I checked in about 840, surgery about 1040. One final pregnancy test. The staff was amazing (except the anaesthesiologist was a bit of a dick to one of the nurses, I didn’t like that-I think I might be reporting that… but he was fine to me). Even my gyno who I wasn’t a fan of during our appointments, I could tell surgery is where she was meant to be. I met my OR nurse, anaesthesiologist, and my gyno/surgeon in pre-op where every single person (plus surgical day care nurse) went over everything with me again and again, and ensured I was comfortable with what we were planning to do, and confirmed that barring any issues, my catheter would be removed during surgery, and then a camera check up the urethra and into the bladder. There was a slight hiccup in something in the lab with my pre op blood work where they listed me as a c section (ABSOLUTELY NOT) and something in the test regarding transfusion expired within 3 days and I did my pre op Thursday. I was worried it was going to delay things but since I have been fortunate and never had a transfusion (and the surgeon believed me and didn’t want her day messed up, plus they had the Thursday results) they called the lab, they were there super quick, and it was drawn up then I was wheeled in to the OR. Once in the OR they had me transfer onto the table, got me situated, introduced the surgical team, and my surgeon went over everything one last time while I was still conscious and made sure everyone was on the same page and ready to go. I was given oxygen and told to take a few deep breaths, and then they started pumping meds into my IV and I was out.
From what I hear (my surgeon called my mom/pickup person) it all went like clockwork. I was out in under two hours, into recovery to wake up and when I came to, three nurses (or health care workers, whatever their role, but I think RNs) were chatting about me near my bedside on how I had a lack of requirements before I could be discharged. I don’t think they realised or expected me to be awake so quickly but I said I had been told that as soon as I could walk to the bathroom and pee on my own, I could leave. They looked a little shocked. Not sure if because I was awake or because I knew what I needed to do.
I did say in recovery to my nurse that I felt like I needed to pee, but they wanted me to wait until the hour was up in recovery and I was transferred back to surgical day care.
Once I was in day care I was given juice, digestive cookies and my phone and started texting my mom, who was right outside, and said I was back to where she could come see me. The person at the desk at the front tried not to let her in and said I wasn’t back yet (not sure if there was a lack of communication or no) but mom insisted I was texting her and telling her I was back, and the woman from the desk had to come in and check for herself that I was back… and asked my nurse-who was again nearby-and I heard the front desk woman muttering and said something about “her mom”. I piped up and said don’t try to stop her from coming in, she won’t go away and she would get in either way, I’m texting with her now. The woman didn’t like that much, but my nurse laughed and okay’d her coming in.
Nurse back in day care listened to me pretty quick, did her checks and made she I could sit/stand and disconnected my IV line. She walked me to the bathroom to make sure I was okay. I peed without issue-it was a bit tender coming out but no burning… but man. Maybe bring your own toilet paper. That rough stuff is even rougher when you’re sensitive😳
I felt immediately better cause now I knew they could let me out once my final hour in recovery was complete. Another glass of juice, some more post op checks done, and I was able to get my IV out. (I know most people wouldn’t like IVs but it was a huge hang up for me… my veins suck and it was tender and once they confirmed I could leave I wanted it GONE.
Passed the rest of the time chatting, going over discharge paperwork/instructions, then I was given the official go ahead to change and leave. Slow going, changing, and man the hospital pads are atrocious (and no wings?!). I peed once more, hating the toilet paper but loved the mesh ish shorts they gave me and asked for a couple more, and they gave me two or three more. I was allowed to leave just after 230pm.
I was able to walk out of the hospital on my own two feet. Slowly, but walking and being upright felt much better than sitting. The nurse said it was allowed as long as mom was right there (which she obviously was) in case I got dizzy. We walked out to the front entrance (elevator, no stairs of course), and I stood at a safe spot where I could sit if I needed to, while she went and got the car from the far side of the lot. I probably could have walked it, but it was slow and didn’t want to chance anything.
The ride home was a bit rough-I forgot my pillow and I think that would have helped. Held my hands/palms onto my lower belly for some support. It was manageable, I wasn’t crying out in pain or anything, but definitely internally felt every little bump despite mom trying her best to avoid them.
I’m staying in my own apartment, (parent’s offered me to stay at theirs but I’m far more comfy in my own place, and no stairs) my dad’s sleeping on the couch while my pup is at the house with my mom and their two dogs. So far I’ve been able to manage on my own but it’s nice knowing he’s here incase I need something. When I got home, much to my dad’s chagrin (he wanted to do it for me), I made myself buttered toast, had an ice cream sandwich, some arrowroot cookies, a Tylenol and after eating upright and walking in circles a bit, I went to my bed with my heating pad, pregnancy pillow and about 8462619 other pillows I adjusted as needed. I’m very happy I had a pregnancy pillow. I was debating getting the wedges but decided with the option of Amazon same day/next day delivery, if I changed my mind it wouldn’t be long without it.
Obviously there’s more internal room now, but a heads up-I’ve peed a few times since getting home (it’s near 1am) I have noticed that “hmm I need to pee” turns quickly into “YUP GOTTA GO” when I stand up. I think that little bit extra gravity assist hits when I stand. No burning, still just a bit sensitive, but I bought a peri care bottle with a nozzle on it and is it a game changer. The hospital gave me one but it didn’t have an angled nozzle, which to me is useless unless I want to climb in my shower every time or end up with water all over my floor. First time I used it, I just rinsed with cool water multiple times as it was soothing (not going into the vagina).
There’s been very little blood so far-some spotting but not much.
The pain? Feels like a concentrated day 2 of my usual bad periods, with low back pain (helped greatly with heating pad). Like most of us here… we’re used to heavy pain so it’s not all that unbearable.
I was given tramadol, and didn’t take my first one until 9pm. Didn’t love the feeling. And my limbs started tingling which was weird. That’s supposed to be a withdrawal effect. But my body doesn’t handle drugs well so could just be me. I’ll see what happens later in the night if I need something else, I’ll take it. But so far the pain/discomfort is reminding me not to sleep how i normally do-on my side with my leg up toward my abdomen.
I’ve got my naproxen and Tylenol that the pharmacy okay’d me to take instead of Advil and Tylenol.
Forgot to mention-my throat is a bit sore, but not nearly what I expected. Feels like I just spent some time around a campfire where the smoke randomly followed me. One Halls seemed to help, and of course, ice cream sandwiches 😂.
And now to wait for meeting the real me after 20+ years of being on oral birth control… should be some definite hormonal swings during recovery plus that, but can’t wait😂🤦🏻♀️
2024.05.14 09:38 NeinLive Qanon killed the last remaining good pieces of my mother.
I mean she was a neglectful meth head, but when my grandfather let me see her behind my grandmothers' back she seemed to really want to foster a relationship with me.
I was already very eclectic but she introduced me to so many concepts and art and seemed to be supportive of me being openly queer in my teens.
We used to watch scary movies and go to metal shows together, dumpster diving, etc. She really should've never had a kid. She's a big kid herself and I'm not mad about that. She's always cared about animals more than herself too, often having dozens of dogs at a time that she'd find homes for.
In 2019 I let her move in with me when I still had my old home because my aunt committed probate fraud against the both of us and made her homeless. I took her and 15 dogs in because my aunt was driving back and forth past my house trying to intimidate me and I was terrified to be home alone.
My mom wasn't perfect but at least she wasn't like her mother, the conservative nut who raised me...or so I thought.
Lockdown happens and she lost it. She was already up all the time but I'd constantly hear her in these chat rooms with these weird ass men and what made it cringy was how much of a pick-me she was with them.
One time she invited one of her qanon friends over so they could roast me because I don't believe the earth is flat. She literally laughed at me and said ________ has always been ...impressionable hahaha.
She began talking shit about Trans people and started thinking everyone is actually a man. It wasn't long until she was vocal about her disdain for me being gay too. She was never so hateful before, and by her own logic she's probably a man too. She's definitely got the arms of a navy seal and the jawline of someone participating in the fellatio Olympics.
She began inviting all these other awful people to my house, and her meth dealer boyfriend who carried a cross for two years in our town. Even he gets sick of her rants on nasa, vaccines, and transwomen even though he partially agrees her.
I haven't seen her or sent a picture since before my 30th birthday. I'm 31 now and it's because everytime she calls its because she needs to borrow my ID or social security for some bs reason. She ruined my credit and it's taken me years to fix it.
I didn't bother to bring up top surgery to her because I didn't want to hear her vitriol or bronze age mythology references stating that jahovah had a "special role" for me as a "helper" to some scrote. She's already larping like that with breaking bad over there.
Not to mention She's been on the vaccines cause autism train for years, despite the fact that her brother and mother are both on the spectrum and there's a high possibility she is too. I have audhd, the adhd part most likely being from her smoking meth during pregnancy.
I think her homophobia towards me stems from her wanting to be a grandmother but best I can do is four legged cuties.
But on a lighter note I've figured out what I want to send her as a Christmas card:
Me, with my top surgery scars, holding my cat like a baby, by a 5g tower, a NASA hat and a vest that says AUTISM RULES, while I sodomize my equally genderfluid lover while they hold up our vaccine cards.
Whatcha think
submitted by NeinLive to QAnonCasualties [link] [comments]
I was already very eclectic but she introduced me to so many concepts and art and seemed to be supportive of me being openly queer in my teens.
We used to watch scary movies and go to metal shows together, dumpster diving, etc. She really should've never had a kid. She's a big kid herself and I'm not mad about that. She's always cared about animals more than herself too, often having dozens of dogs at a time that she'd find homes for.
In 2019 I let her move in with me when I still had my old home because my aunt committed probate fraud against the both of us and made her homeless. I took her and 15 dogs in because my aunt was driving back and forth past my house trying to intimidate me and I was terrified to be home alone.
My mom wasn't perfect but at least she wasn't like her mother, the conservative nut who raised me...or so I thought.
Lockdown happens and she lost it. She was already up all the time but I'd constantly hear her in these chat rooms with these weird ass men and what made it cringy was how much of a pick-me she was with them.
One time she invited one of her qanon friends over so they could roast me because I don't believe the earth is flat. She literally laughed at me and said ________ has always been ...impressionable hahaha.
She began talking shit about Trans people and started thinking everyone is actually a man. It wasn't long until she was vocal about her disdain for me being gay too. She was never so hateful before, and by her own logic she's probably a man too. She's definitely got the arms of a navy seal and the jawline of someone participating in the fellatio Olympics.
She began inviting all these other awful people to my house, and her meth dealer boyfriend who carried a cross for two years in our town. Even he gets sick of her rants on nasa, vaccines, and transwomen even though he partially agrees her.
I haven't seen her or sent a picture since before my 30th birthday. I'm 31 now and it's because everytime she calls its because she needs to borrow my ID or social security for some bs reason. She ruined my credit and it's taken me years to fix it.
I didn't bother to bring up top surgery to her because I didn't want to hear her vitriol or bronze age mythology references stating that jahovah had a "special role" for me as a "helper" to some scrote. She's already larping like that with breaking bad over there.
Not to mention She's been on the vaccines cause autism train for years, despite the fact that her brother and mother are both on the spectrum and there's a high possibility she is too. I have audhd, the adhd part most likely being from her smoking meth during pregnancy.
I think her homophobia towards me stems from her wanting to be a grandmother but best I can do is four legged cuties.
But on a lighter note I've figured out what I want to send her as a Christmas card:
Me, with my top surgery scars, holding my cat like a baby, by a 5g tower, a NASA hat and a vest that says AUTISM RULES, while I sodomize my equally genderfluid lover while they hold up our vaccine cards.
Whatcha think
2024.05.14 09:37 zlaxy On this day exactly 120 years ago, the New York Times published an article, "The Abolition of History," about the posthumous publication of English historian Edwin Johnson's book
On this day exactly 120 years ago, the New York Times published an article, “The Abolition of History,” about the posthumous publication of a book by the English historian Edwin Johnson that, in a “scientific, dispassionate, searching method and manner,” total revision of the Christian history of Europe and the history of England in particular.
Abolition of History.
Generations of English schoolboys yet unborn will rise up and call blessed Edwin Johnson, if the contentions of his posthumous book just published here by the Putnams are successfully established. “The Rise of English Culture,” which appears three years after the author’s death, undertakes to abolish all English history before the end of the fifteenth century. There simply is no such thing. It is an invention, not of the devil, as no doubt large numbers of English schoolboys in the past have thought, but of the Benedictine monks. Respect for the powers and industry of this great hierarchy will be vastly enhanced if what Mr. Johnson maintains is true. In their monasteries was manufactured and turned out all the information, or what has hitherto passed for information, in regard to all the English Kings, all the achievements of the English people, nay, even all the history of Europe and all the literature that is supposed to date before that time. “A wall of darkness seems to rise behind the faintly outlined figure of- Henry Tudor and the fiendlike Richard,” says this uncompromising skeptic, “which shuts in the view of the observer and hides from him the earlier past.” The author puts it mildly when he says that this must come upon the unprepared mind with “a shock of surprise.”
Mr. Johnson is perfectly calm about it. His method and his manner are scientific, dispassionate, searching. He scrutinizes, and he gives his reasons. Being accused of having “Benedictines on the brain,” he gravely replies that it is modern history which he has on the brain, and he knows that this subject cannot be understood without attention to the Benedictine system. That system, as he explains it, is of a band of “dishonest fabulists organized and disciplined in the use of the pen,” “taught to agree upon a dogma and a fable.” From their hands came the whole of our Christian literature, the whole of our history, arranged to suit their purposes. Why have these points been so long neglected, and why have they escaped the notice of the most skeptical and thoughtful historians? These fables were founded, to begin with, on “the imagination of the world.” Already during the Revival of Letters there were brought to light expressions of doubt. They were forgotten or suppressed. The fabulists were organized and disciplined, working for self-interest; the critics were not.
The imagination, fertility, and intellectual power of the fabulists at least are worthy of admiration. Not only all the Saxons, the English Kings downward from “William the Conqueror” — so our skeptic designates his mystical character in quotation marks — are phantasmagoria of Benedictine brains, but laws and literature, the bedrock of our ancient belief, are all products of “the forge and writing house of fable” in the monasteries. St. Augustine and St. Jerome and Tertullian and a St. Thomas Aquinas and their works came thence. So did the Venerable Bede, the symbol of the literary activity of a knot of Benedictines, told off to the duty of illustrating the imaginary past of England. John Wiclif is no historic-personality, but a convenient figure of the poor priests at which the monks and friars aimed their polemical arrows. “Chaucer” (and Mr. Johnson mentions with modest pride that he is the first to point it cut) is a name under which masked a group of men of the English renaissance, keen but genial critics of the monastic system; we first hear of the “Chaucer legend” in 1540. Dante is in a similar predicament. Rabelais is another mask, worn by a jesting monk, who poured contempt through it on the whole system of historic fiction then coming into vogue. Roger Bacon is another mythological figure set up, by the Merton friars through the necessity felt for cultivating the little science then current. We may not even keep our Caxton; he is a legend and not the man who first introduced printing Into England. We must even give up Domesday Book and such a safeguard of our liberties as Magna Charta. Both are real, but both are late — and all that about King John and the Barons at Runnymede is fable.
In an introductory chapter, signed by Edward A. Pretherick, the reader is informed that Edwin Johnson was born in 1842 and died in 1901. He was a Congregational minister until he accepted the Professorship of Classical Literature in New College, London, in 1870. He wrote “The Rise of Christendom,” (1889) and translated the “Prolegomena” of Father Hardouin.
Published: May 14, 1904 The New York Times
Contemporary information about Johnson from the English Wikipedia:
Edwin Johnson) (1842–1901) was an English historian, best known for his radical criticisms of Christian historiography.
Among his works are Antiqua Mater: A Study of Christian Origins (1887, published in London anonymously) and The Pauline Epistles: Re-studied and Explained (1894).
In Antiqua Mater Johnson examines a great variety of sources related to early Christianity “from outside scripture”, coming to the conclusion that there was no reliable documentary evidence to prove the existence of Jesus Christ or the Apostles.
He asserts that Christianity had evolved from a Jewish diaspora movement, he provisionally called the Hagioi. They adhered to a liberal interpretation of the Torah with simpler rites and a more spiritualized outlook. Hagioi is a Greek word meaning “saints”, “holy ones”, “believers”, “loyal followers”, or “God’s people”, and was usually used in reference to members of the early Christian communities. It is a term that was frequently used by Paul in the New Testament, and in a few places in Acts of the Apostles in reference to Paul’s activities.
Both Gnosticism as well as certain Bacchic pagan cults are also mentioned as likely precursors of Christianity.
In The Pauline Epistles and The Rise of English Culture Johnson made the radical claim that the whole of the so-called Dark Ages between 700 and 1400 A. D. had never occurred, but had been invented by Christian writers who created imaginary characters and events. The Church Fathers, the Gospels, St. Paul, the early Christian texts as well as Christianity in general are identified as mere literary creations and attributed to monks (chiefly Benedictines) who drew up the entire Christian mythos in the early 16th century. As one reviewer said, Johnson “undertakes to abolish all English history before the end of the fifteenth century.” Johnson contends that before the “age of publication” and the “revival of letters” there are no reliable registers and logs, and there is a lack of records and documents with verifiable dates.
submitted by zlaxy to ThisDayInHistory [link] [comments]
Abolition of History.
Generations of English schoolboys yet unborn will rise up and call blessed Edwin Johnson, if the contentions of his posthumous book just published here by the Putnams are successfully established. “The Rise of English Culture,” which appears three years after the author’s death, undertakes to abolish all English history before the end of the fifteenth century. There simply is no such thing. It is an invention, not of the devil, as no doubt large numbers of English schoolboys in the past have thought, but of the Benedictine monks. Respect for the powers and industry of this great hierarchy will be vastly enhanced if what Mr. Johnson maintains is true. In their monasteries was manufactured and turned out all the information, or what has hitherto passed for information, in regard to all the English Kings, all the achievements of the English people, nay, even all the history of Europe and all the literature that is supposed to date before that time. “A wall of darkness seems to rise behind the faintly outlined figure of- Henry Tudor and the fiendlike Richard,” says this uncompromising skeptic, “which shuts in the view of the observer and hides from him the earlier past.” The author puts it mildly when he says that this must come upon the unprepared mind with “a shock of surprise.”
Mr. Johnson is perfectly calm about it. His method and his manner are scientific, dispassionate, searching. He scrutinizes, and he gives his reasons. Being accused of having “Benedictines on the brain,” he gravely replies that it is modern history which he has on the brain, and he knows that this subject cannot be understood without attention to the Benedictine system. That system, as he explains it, is of a band of “dishonest fabulists organized and disciplined in the use of the pen,” “taught to agree upon a dogma and a fable.” From their hands came the whole of our Christian literature, the whole of our history, arranged to suit their purposes. Why have these points been so long neglected, and why have they escaped the notice of the most skeptical and thoughtful historians? These fables were founded, to begin with, on “the imagination of the world.” Already during the Revival of Letters there were brought to light expressions of doubt. They were forgotten or suppressed. The fabulists were organized and disciplined, working for self-interest; the critics were not.
The imagination, fertility, and intellectual power of the fabulists at least are worthy of admiration. Not only all the Saxons, the English Kings downward from “William the Conqueror” — so our skeptic designates his mystical character in quotation marks — are phantasmagoria of Benedictine brains, but laws and literature, the bedrock of our ancient belief, are all products of “the forge and writing house of fable” in the monasteries. St. Augustine and St. Jerome and Tertullian and a St. Thomas Aquinas and their works came thence. So did the Venerable Bede, the symbol of the literary activity of a knot of Benedictines, told off to the duty of illustrating the imaginary past of England. John Wiclif is no historic-personality, but a convenient figure of the poor priests at which the monks and friars aimed their polemical arrows. “Chaucer” (and Mr. Johnson mentions with modest pride that he is the first to point it cut) is a name under which masked a group of men of the English renaissance, keen but genial critics of the monastic system; we first hear of the “Chaucer legend” in 1540. Dante is in a similar predicament. Rabelais is another mask, worn by a jesting monk, who poured contempt through it on the whole system of historic fiction then coming into vogue. Roger Bacon is another mythological figure set up, by the Merton friars through the necessity felt for cultivating the little science then current. We may not even keep our Caxton; he is a legend and not the man who first introduced printing Into England. We must even give up Domesday Book and such a safeguard of our liberties as Magna Charta. Both are real, but both are late — and all that about King John and the Barons at Runnymede is fable.
In an introductory chapter, signed by Edward A. Pretherick, the reader is informed that Edwin Johnson was born in 1842 and died in 1901. He was a Congregational minister until he accepted the Professorship of Classical Literature in New College, London, in 1870. He wrote “The Rise of Christendom,” (1889) and translated the “Prolegomena” of Father Hardouin.
Published: May 14, 1904 The New York Times
Contemporary information about Johnson from the English Wikipedia:
Edwin Johnson) (1842–1901) was an English historian, best known for his radical criticisms of Christian historiography.
Among his works are Antiqua Mater: A Study of Christian Origins (1887, published in London anonymously) and The Pauline Epistles: Re-studied and Explained (1894).
In Antiqua Mater Johnson examines a great variety of sources related to early Christianity “from outside scripture”, coming to the conclusion that there was no reliable documentary evidence to prove the existence of Jesus Christ or the Apostles.
He asserts that Christianity had evolved from a Jewish diaspora movement, he provisionally called the Hagioi. They adhered to a liberal interpretation of the Torah with simpler rites and a more spiritualized outlook. Hagioi is a Greek word meaning “saints”, “holy ones”, “believers”, “loyal followers”, or “God’s people”, and was usually used in reference to members of the early Christian communities. It is a term that was frequently used by Paul in the New Testament, and in a few places in Acts of the Apostles in reference to Paul’s activities.
Both Gnosticism as well as certain Bacchic pagan cults are also mentioned as likely precursors of Christianity.
In The Pauline Epistles and The Rise of English Culture Johnson made the radical claim that the whole of the so-called Dark Ages between 700 and 1400 A. D. had never occurred, but had been invented by Christian writers who created imaginary characters and events. The Church Fathers, the Gospels, St. Paul, the early Christian texts as well as Christianity in general are identified as mere literary creations and attributed to monks (chiefly Benedictines) who drew up the entire Christian mythos in the early 16th century. As one reviewer said, Johnson “undertakes to abolish all English history before the end of the fifteenth century.” Johnson contends that before the “age of publication” and the “revival of letters” there are no reliable registers and logs, and there is a lack of records and documents with verifiable dates.
2024.05.14 09:34 tracyagodfrey EV Tuesday Week 129
It's EV Tuesday!
14th May 2024Hello EV people, it is your favourite time of the week! EV Tuesday is here for your enjoyment.
Each week, we work hard searching for a selection of useful tips, tools and links that you may find useful as an EV owner. Take a seat and have a flick through what we have found for you this week.
We will be posting this to our social media channels including Facebook, Twitter & Reddit (check out evcables subreddit). If you have access to our blog, you will get an extra item :)
Right, ready.....steady.........GO!!
Feedback, Requests, Questions? As always, please give us feedback on Twitter. Which item is your favourite? What do you want more or less of? Other suggestions? Just send a tweet to u/ev_cables and put #EVTuesdays at the end so we can find it.
Have a great week everyone and happy reading!
- EV APP OF THE WEEK: SWARCO E.CONNECT
- EV NEWS: DRIVE ELECTRIC
- EV TIP: 5 WAYS TO BOOST YOUR RANGE WHEN DRIVING ELECTRIC Use regenerative braking (if available) Switch off any unnecessary features Keep your tyres inflated Take it steady on the pedal Be smart with your charging
- EV COMMUNITY: EV TUESDAY READER Myke, an EV Tuesdays ReaderOne of our regular readers sent this link in to us this week. This is a trial in the process of being studied into charging access via footpath channels, in Nottinghamshire. Myke is on the understanding they are still looking for applications, in which he has applied to take part in, but have yet to hear a result. Take a read and perhaps put your name forward too.
- EV REVIEW: AUTO EXPRESS Mini Cooper MINI Cooper review: a fun and sophisticated EV. The MINI Cooper SE is not cheap, but it does have that air of sophisticated fun that’s made the reborn brand such a success over the past two decades. Compact dimensions and a modest battery mean that this is not a car that will win prizes for practicality or even EV range – but it oozes quality and has just enough dynamic spark to feel like a MINI. We can’t wait to try the forthcoming petrol-powered versions to see if they offer a similar experience for much less cash.
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2024.05.14 09:25 SnooEagles1082 What if
What if Drake just cares about animals
Let’s be real here, AKs dog just got hit by a car and is locked up in a cage for its own protection during recovery, clearly ya’ll schizos have never had injured dogs, because they make one hell of a racket when they want out but can’t be let out. And that video while it sounds awful, definitely lines up with stuff I’ve heard in shelters and vet clinics.
Can we just for a second think, that while Drake is very likely an Ephebophile, he might also just love animals. Like bro, I have socks with my dogs face on them that I got as a gift, and tons of pictures of my pupper on my phone, but I’m not some fucking weirdo. He’s my buddy, part of my family, and I love em to death. But that just makes me a normal caring human being.
It’s very possible that while Drake is a shitty person for a lot of things, he just loves dogs and maybe animals in general, people can be shitty and still love things in a non weird way.
A lot of people with personality disorders have an affinity towards animals, and a lot of people who are ephebophiles have a personality disorder where they never really aged past their late teens, they still view themselves and act like they did when they were 17. Surprise, surprise it’s been studied that child acting severely inhibits mental growth of the actors. Kinda weird how all that lines up right.
Is it still fucked up, gross, and morally reprehensible, yeah. But it lines up.
So what’s more plausible? Drake gets mentally screwed up from child acting, develops a personality disorder making him basically permanently stuck with the mentality of a late teen, seeing himself still as one, and thus still having sexual attack action to teens; which explains his other high school like behaviors that he consistently displays. Then he uses his enablers and money to fulfill his desires.
Or Drake is a dog fucker, running a multinational trafficking ring for his friends and himself, involved with Russia and Putin, and somehow the stream Ak is in on it along with a random disabled journalist who’s schtick is to meet celebs but is otherwise unaffiliated.
Idk, one seems more likely than the other and that’s the one you should be digging for.
Dig for videos and connections do Drake and minors, if ovo and minors, of their “personal tinder” of paying eachother in women. (Calling it tender)
Everything else is irrelevant right now.
submitted by SnooEagles1082 to ScaryKenny [link] [comments]
Let’s be real here, AKs dog just got hit by a car and is locked up in a cage for its own protection during recovery, clearly ya’ll schizos have never had injured dogs, because they make one hell of a racket when they want out but can’t be let out. And that video while it sounds awful, definitely lines up with stuff I’ve heard in shelters and vet clinics.
Can we just for a second think, that while Drake is very likely an Ephebophile, he might also just love animals. Like bro, I have socks with my dogs face on them that I got as a gift, and tons of pictures of my pupper on my phone, but I’m not some fucking weirdo. He’s my buddy, part of my family, and I love em to death. But that just makes me a normal caring human being.
It’s very possible that while Drake is a shitty person for a lot of things, he just loves dogs and maybe animals in general, people can be shitty and still love things in a non weird way.
A lot of people with personality disorders have an affinity towards animals, and a lot of people who are ephebophiles have a personality disorder where they never really aged past their late teens, they still view themselves and act like they did when they were 17. Surprise, surprise it’s been studied that child acting severely inhibits mental growth of the actors. Kinda weird how all that lines up right.
Is it still fucked up, gross, and morally reprehensible, yeah. But it lines up.
So what’s more plausible? Drake gets mentally screwed up from child acting, develops a personality disorder making him basically permanently stuck with the mentality of a late teen, seeing himself still as one, and thus still having sexual attack action to teens; which explains his other high school like behaviors that he consistently displays. Then he uses his enablers and money to fulfill his desires.
Or Drake is a dog fucker, running a multinational trafficking ring for his friends and himself, involved with Russia and Putin, and somehow the stream Ak is in on it along with a random disabled journalist who’s schtick is to meet celebs but is otherwise unaffiliated.
Idk, one seems more likely than the other and that’s the one you should be digging for.
Dig for videos and connections do Drake and minors, if ovo and minors, of their “personal tinder” of paying eachother in women. (Calling it tender)
Everything else is irrelevant right now.
2024.05.14 09:24 SnooEagles1082 What is Drake just cares about animals
Let’s be real here, AKs dog just got hit by a car and is locked up in a cage for its own protection during recovery, clearly ya’ll schizos have never had injured dogs, because they make one hell of a racket when they want out but can’t be let out. And that video while it sounds awful, definitely lines up with stuff I’ve heard in shelters and vet clinics.
Can we just for a second think, that while Drake is very likely an Ephebophile, he might also just love animals. Like bro, I have socks with my dogs face on them that I got as a gift, and tons of pictures of my pupper on my phone, but I’m not some fucking weirdo. He’s my buddy, part of my family, and I love em to death. But that just makes me a normal caring human being.
It’s very possible that while Drake is a shitty person for a lot of things, he just loves dogs and maybe animals in general, people can be shitty and still love things in a non weird way.
A lot of people with personality disorders have an affinity towards animals, and a lot of people who are ephebophiles have a personality disorder where they never really aged past their late teens, they still view themselves and act like they did when they were 17. Surprise, surprise it’s been studied that child acting severely inhibits mental growth of the actors. Kinda weird how all that lines up right.
Is it still fucked up, gross, and morally reprehensible, yeah. But it lines up.
So what’s more plausible? Drake gets mental screws up from child acting, develops a personality disorder making him basically permanently stuck with the mentality of teens, seeing himself still as one and thus still having interests in teens, which explains his other high school like behaviors. And then uses his enablers and money to fulfill his desires
Or Drake is a dog fucker, running a multinational trafficking ring for his friends and himself, involved with Russia and Putin, and somehow the stream Ak is in on it along with a random disabled journalist who’s schtick is to meet celebs but is otherwise unaffiliated.
Idk, one seems more likely than the other and that’s the one you should be digging for.
Dig for videos and connections do Drake and minors, if ovo and minors, of their “personal tinder” of paying eachother in women. (Calling it tender)
Everything else is irrelevant right now.
submitted by SnooEagles1082 to DarkKenny [link] [comments]
Can we just for a second think, that while Drake is very likely an Ephebophile, he might also just love animals. Like bro, I have socks with my dogs face on them that I got as a gift, and tons of pictures of my pupper on my phone, but I’m not some fucking weirdo. He’s my buddy, part of my family, and I love em to death. But that just makes me a normal caring human being.
It’s very possible that while Drake is a shitty person for a lot of things, he just loves dogs and maybe animals in general, people can be shitty and still love things in a non weird way.
A lot of people with personality disorders have an affinity towards animals, and a lot of people who are ephebophiles have a personality disorder where they never really aged past their late teens, they still view themselves and act like they did when they were 17. Surprise, surprise it’s been studied that child acting severely inhibits mental growth of the actors. Kinda weird how all that lines up right.
Is it still fucked up, gross, and morally reprehensible, yeah. But it lines up.
So what’s more plausible? Drake gets mental screws up from child acting, develops a personality disorder making him basically permanently stuck with the mentality of teens, seeing himself still as one and thus still having interests in teens, which explains his other high school like behaviors. And then uses his enablers and money to fulfill his desires
Or Drake is a dog fucker, running a multinational trafficking ring for his friends and himself, involved with Russia and Putin, and somehow the stream Ak is in on it along with a random disabled journalist who’s schtick is to meet celebs but is otherwise unaffiliated.
Idk, one seems more likely than the other and that’s the one you should be digging for.
Dig for videos and connections do Drake and minors, if ovo and minors, of their “personal tinder” of paying eachother in women. (Calling it tender)
Everything else is irrelevant right now.
2024.05.14 09:14 zlaxy On this day exactly 120 years ago, the New York Times published an article, "The Abolition of History," about the posthumous publication of English historian Edwin Johnson's book
 | On this day exactly 120 years ago, the New York Times published an article, “The Abolition of History,” about the posthumous publication of a book by the English historian Edwin Johnson that, in a “scientific, dispassionate, searching method and manner,” total revision of the Christian history of Europe and the history of England in particular. submitted by zlaxy to forgeryreplicafiction [link] [comments] Abolition of History. Generations of English schoolboys yet unborn will rise up and call blessed Edwin Johnson, if the contentions of his posthumous book just published here by the Putnams are successfully established. “The Rise of English Culture,” which appears three years after the author’s death, undertakes to abolish all English history before the end of the fifteenth century. There simply is no such thing. It is an invention, not of the devil, as no doubt large numbers of English schoolboys in the past have thought, but of the Benedictine monks. Respect for the powers and industry of this great hierarchy will be vastly enhanced if what Mr. Johnson maintains is true. In their monasteries was manufactured and turned out all the information, or what has hitherto passed for information, in regard to all the English Kings, all the achievements of the English people, nay, even all the history of Europe and all the literature that is supposed to date before that time. “A wall of darkness seems to rise behind the faintly outlined figure of- Henry Tudor and the fiendlike Richard,” says this uncompromising skeptic, “which shuts in the view of the observer and hides from him the earlier past.” The author puts it mildly when he says that this must come upon the unprepared mind with “a shock of surprise.” Mr. Johnson is perfectly calm about it. His method and his manner are scientific, dispassionate, searching. He scrutinizes, and he gives his reasons. Being accused of having “Benedictines on the brain,” he gravely replies that it is modern history which he has on the brain, and he knows that this subject cannot be understood without attention to the Benedictine system. That system, as he explains it, is of a band of “dishonest fabulists organized and disciplined in the use of the pen,” “taught to agree upon a dogma and a fable.” From their hands came the whole of our Christian literature, the whole of our history, arranged to suit their purposes. Why have these points been so long neglected, and why have they escaped the notice of the most skeptical and thoughtful historians? These fables were founded, to begin with, on “the imagination of the world.” Already during the Revival of Letters there were brought to light expressions of doubt. They were forgotten or suppressed. The fabulists were organized and disciplined, working for self-interest; the critics were not. The imagination, fertility, and intellectual power of the fabulists at least are worthy of admiration. Not only all the Saxons, the English Kings downward from “William the Conqueror” — so our skeptic designates his mystical character in quotation marks — are phantasmagoria of Benedictine brains, but laws and literature, the bedrock of our ancient belief, are all products of “the forge and writing house of fable” in the monasteries. St. Augustine and St. Jerome and Tertullian and a St. Thomas Aquinas and their works came thence. So did the Venerable Bede, the symbol of the literary activity of a knot of Benedictines, told off to the duty of illustrating the imaginary past of England. John Wiclif is no historic-personality, but a convenient figure of the poor priests at which the monks and friars aimed their polemical arrows. “Chaucer” (and Mr. Johnson mentions with modest pride that he is the first to point it cut) is a name under which masked a group of men of the English renaissance, keen but genial critics of the monastic system; we first hear of the “Chaucer legend” in 1540. Dante is in a similar predicament. Rabelais is another mask, worn by a jesting monk, who poured contempt through it on the whole system of historic fiction then coming into vogue. Roger Bacon is another mythological figure set up, by the Merton friars through the necessity felt for cultivating the little science then current. We may not even keep our Caxton; he is a legend and not the man who first introduced printing Into England. We must even give up Domesday Book and such a safeguard of our liberties as Magna Charta. Both are real, but both are late — and all that about King John and the Barons at Runnymede is fable. In an introductory chapter, signed by Edward A. Pretherick, the reader is informed that Edwin Johnson was born in 1842 and died in 1901. He was a Congregational minister until he accepted the Professorship of Classical Literature in New College, London, in 1870. He wrote “The Rise of Christendom,” (1889) and translated the “Prolegomena” of Father Hardouin. Published: May 14, 1904 The New York Times https://preview.redd.it/dfai70zeec0d1.jpg?width=975&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=70d9d92cef8ee7f2623e59e16eb7798b1ec52d1c Contemporary information about Johnson from the English Wikipedia: Edwin Johnson) (1842–1901) was an English historian, best known for his radical criticisms of Christian historiography. Among his works are Antiqua Mater: A Study of Christian Origins (1887, published in London anonymously) and The Pauline Epistles: Re-studied and Explained (1894). In Antiqua Mater Johnson examines a great variety of sources related to early Christianity “from outside scripture”, coming to the conclusion that there was no reliable documentary evidence to prove the existence of Jesus Christ or the Apostles. He asserts that Christianity had evolved from a Jewish diaspora movement, he provisionally called the Hagioi. They adhered to a liberal interpretation of the Torah with simpler rites and a more spiritualized outlook. Hagioi is a Greek word meaning “saints”, “holy ones”, “believers”, “loyal followers”, or “God’s people”, and was usually used in reference to members of the early Christian communities. It is a term that was frequently used by Paul in the New Testament, and in a few places in Acts of the Apostles in reference to Paul’s activities. Both Gnosticism as well as certain Bacchic pagan cults are also mentioned as likely precursors of Christianity. In The Pauline Epistles and The Rise of English Culture Johnson made the radical claim that the whole of the so-called Dark Ages between 700 and 1400 A. D. had never occurred, but had been invented by Christian writers who created imaginary characters and events. The Church Fathers, the Gospels, St. Paul, the early Christian texts as well as Christianity in general are identified as mere literary creations and attributed to monks (chiefly Benedictines) who drew up the entire Christian mythos in the early 16th century. As one reviewer said, Johnson “undertakes to abolish all English history before the end of the fifteenth century.” Johnson contends that before the “age of publication” and the “revival of letters” there are no reliable registers and logs, and there is a lack of records and documents with verifiable dates. |
2024.05.14 09:08 VilkasVision Things That NEED Changing
A lot of this stuff may have already been covered but I just want to give my two cents.
submitted by VilkasVision to GrayZoneWarfare [link] [comments]
1) We need female ai and player enemies. To be honest I didn’t check the character creator enough to verify, but all I ever see is dudes on the game. I would really enjoy having a ‘cartel muscle mommy’ as a n enemy boss.
Good now I have your attention…2) The AI are super broken. We all know it. The aimbot hip fire kills across a zone of interest are starting to get on my nerve. Like I get 5 seconds of continuous arm stamina to pull off maybe one or two headshots on stationary AI while I’m stationary, and the ai is just like, ‘React, Spin, Hipfire Kill.’ And it seems like it’s only gotten worse since ai reach level 29.
3) The suppressors have to actually do something for the ai for me to use them. From what I can tell, the ai is aggravated regardless of the use of suppressors. The ai should become suspicious, not immediately activated by the sound of the suppressor unless they were hit or they were in direct eye line of another enemy ai. The ai should aggro even more if they find a body. At this point the only thing the suppressors do is alert enemy players that I am in the area. I know because that’s what I do against the enemies.
4) LZ camping. Easy fixes include random placements within a certain area with smoke discharge from helicopter.
5) Fratricide. My proposed fix is after two instances of friendly fire (does not have to result in kill could just injure, i.e. if a total of 200 friendly HP damage - assume each player has a total of 100HP is dealt within a single life) the player is now marked as AWOL. A bounty is placed on the AWOL allowing all friendlies to hunt. At the same time a group of guard AI from the base get into a helicopter and fly to the nearest LZ to eliminate the AWOL. The guards are killable and only one helicopter of guard AI will be sent out.
6) Base Raids. They should be more fun and flushed out. There should be an ability to initiate an official raid on an enemy base after having trekked from a preexisting LZ. When the raid is initiated (either by flare, task, timed event, etc) two friendly LZs should spawn in proximity to either the enemy starting town or base. These LZs will remain active for the use of 3 to 5 reinforcement helicopters each and one exfil chopper from each of the newly spawned LZs.
7) General bug fixed and optimization. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been killed by an ai that’s stuff in a wall, floor, or ceiling and can shoot through it.
8) Gear FeaEconomy/Loot Pool. It’s too easy to get gear. Maybe that’ll change with the introduction of new lootable items and gear. I don’t think I’ve dipped below 200k since level 7.
9) AI health and seeming invincibility. Maybe it’s a server issue, but holy cow… you dump a full 60rd M855A1 into an unarmored skinny and they’ll still spin around and one tap you. That NEEDS TO BE FIXED.
10) Faction ID. We need to be able to better distinguish teammates. Optional armbands would be a start. Also dog tags would be awesome for tasks or collection.
11) More task variety. I’m level 29 (~100hrs) and I still haven’t gotten any specifically PVP missions.
12) Stamina. Give me some way to improve my stamina without having to take the in game drugs
13) Helicopter Speed/redirection. The meta is already to switch servers if waiting for a pick up takes just as long as finding a new server. Speed it the heck up or give more chopper. Also give us the option to redirect the helicopter when on the helicopter. Also to see where a chopper is heading to prior to it landing at base camp.
14) Coma. Allow me to activate a beacon friendly visible within 250m so that as a solo I don’t always waste my Coma state.
15) Logs, Roots, twigs & pebbles, need a rework so that I’m not getting caught on every single thing while walking in the forests .
These are the things that irk me right now. Feel free to add in the comments.2024.05.14 08:55 Verstehn Finally, a sub that shares my woes! I HATE these dogs!! [heckin' long post sorry but I must vent]
Hiii! I'd like to start off by saying that it's tragic that there are others that share my suffering of having unwanted dogs pushed on them but I'm glad I'm not alone in that. None of you deserve it and I really hope that your situations get better someday because living with shitty dogs you never wanted fucking sucks! I myself am currently coping with a situation surrounding my dad and two dogs that belong to our neighbours. Allegedly at least. In reality? Hmm... bit more complex than that - I don't know if I'm just being overdramatic, it is kind of jumbled and really long, but I'm just so tired of dealing with this and I want someone to hear it
For some context behind the living situation, I am unfortunately at a few months into 27 still living with my parents who rent a townhouse 🙁 It's my own fault really and I have a feeling the situation I'm in now may be fate's rendering of judgement on me for growing up into a failure. It's a really long story but the summary is that I was in a deep depression spiral for a bunch of reasons leading me to make sooo many poor financial and educational decisions starting around late elementary school to last year. About 2 years ago I finally started taking steps towards fixing my problems which included some soul searching within, but I think I've got another year or two yet before I'd consider myself comfortable enough financially to finally get out of here and away from this demented doggy day care more or less for good. For what it might be worth, while I don't pay rent I do help out with chores and pay for various things in general - I've fronted pet supplies and vet bills, gas, groceries, purchased furniture, kitchen tools, paid my mom's car insurance when she's been late on it because of my dad's drinking, paid for maintenance stuff such as some supplies to fix holes or damage that my dad puts in walls and doors, among other things like you know, random stuff that needs fixing haha. I want to think I'm not a *complete* parasite, but I totally understand if you still see me as one. Really, I get it. I promise you I'm trying and I will be useful one day. Until then though, 😔
My parents currently own 3 dogs and 2 cats so it's already pretty crowded here and to top it off I have a mild allergy to pet hair so the only time I ever have a clear nose is when I'm out of the house: a 10yr old schipperke named Kallie, a 4yr old golden retriever named Sundance, and some kind of mix that reminds me of a GSD mixed with a pitbull I guess that's like idk 2-3yrs old - her name is Suzuki and she's a rescue that my parents brought back after selling something to a Kijiji buyer. Dunno her breed exactly though. The cats are a black cat named Ninja that we've had since 2014 and a tabby stray named Loki that followed us home from a dumpster a few years ago so we decided to keep her. I love them both so much and Loki is especially dear to me and is actually closer to being my cat than my parents' cat - I am 100% taking her when I leave. They are relevant to this further down trust me.
For the record I don't have issues with Kallie and Sundance and actually do love them a lot despite the fact that I'm not actually the biggest fan of dogs - they're an exception, and I warmed up to Suzuki about a year ago though she has an issue which is relevant for the problem animals.
Several other dogs that weren't ours have been through this house in the past as my dad is well, soft-hearted and naive when it comes to specifically animals. Some of them have been problems. Some of them represent Problems. All of the extra dogs have been unilaterally his decision and any voice of disapproval ignites a conflict. Right now there are 2 other dogs on top of the family 3 and these two are the Big Problems™️ rn: the first one is a shitzuo (emphasis on the SHIT) named Keno or Kino or who fucking cares I'll just call him Keno. The other one is a mix of something that looks a little like Suzuki, but is white and might have a little chihuahua in him. His name is Benji. I'll start with Benji since I actually have sympathy for his owner and as much as I find him annoying he has some potential to be a decent dog one day if given the proper support, but that's not my problem as it's not my dog.
Benji is a younger doggo, about a year old. His owner is a single mom currently going through a bad divorce from what I hear which honestly is really unfortunate and I do hope her situation improves someday. He's kinda friendly most of the time, but his owner has still not gotten him fixed, which is an issue particularly because of how much time he spends in the same house as Suzuki, who my mom has not gotten fixed either despite my offers to pay for it and attempts to schedule it for her. I regularly stop Benji's attempts to mount her, but I know I won't be able to stop it forever and I'm terrified of the outcome. Every time I bring it up to my parents, I am either blown off with a half-thought response or (in the case of my dad) straight up yelled at and threatened as this dog is apparently just "playing" or "fighting for dominance." 🫠 I just don't want to have to exist next to a bunch of puppies that my parents are completely incapable of taking care of but there's nothing I can do about it. God, imagining the noise level and smell of the house makes me shiver. Aaaaaa. Benji is also an extremely pushy and jealous dog as he's still very young and isn't being trained adequately by either his owner or my dad - I cannot pet the family dogs without this little annoyance trying to worm his way in and interrupt. One positive I can think of is that he at least defers to me and folds over in submission the moment I express any kind of disapproval. Well, that and he isn't Keno.
Keno is.... a fucking NIGHTMARE that is driving me to insanity and I am devoting basically the rest of this rant to this untrained monstrosity and its neglectfully absent handlers. I have never, in my entire life, EVER, hated a dog more than this shaggy, aggressive, shrieking rat. It all started about six months ago when some neighbours who I've never met in my life got this stupid idiot dumbshit animal as a rescue. My mom let it come over once and I had one of those really bad gut feelings. My dad then suggested to them that he could keep an eye on it, as both of the owners work all day and don't get home until later while my dad is at home usually as he's on disability. From then on this curly-haired terror has been at our house almost 7 days a week, for at LEAST 12 hours a day. Let's see if I can describe just much I hate this animal without hitting a character limit.
The dog wasn't (and still isn't) yard trained or outside-trained in general. This dog is like 2 years old or something and every time I've brought it up my dad freaks out and says "that's not going to happen, that's just how he is! Get used to it!" My dad's solution is to cover our ENTIRE front entrance into the building hallway in piss pads. Yea, training pads. These are filled up multiple times a day - sometimes multiple times an HOUR ... you can imagine the amount of garbage this creates which my dad then complains about having to deal with (he's the ONLY reason this dog still comes here) - and yes, he throws the used piss pads in the KITCHEN TRASH, YOU KNOW, THE ONES WITH FECES AND URINE ON THEM 🙃The dog regularly misses too and wastes all over the floor and wall! I rented a carpet cleaner for when I moved rooms and my mom decided to use it after to clean up the entrance way, hahaha, it was pissed up less than 2 hours later! The doors and walls around there are starting to be stained by dog piss and it gets worse when the pads get moved around for whatever reason. If you were to look closely, you may see tiny streaks from where the dog rushed to its mandatory shitting sessions. We used to have a bench beside the door for putting on shoes and stuff, and the closet was actually used for coats, hats, and things. Now the whole area has been devoted to this walking feces factory and on top of that the perpetually soiled pads sit in front of our downstairs bathroom as well. Suffice to say that I have not used that washroom in nearly six months and only make use of the upstairs one now. Petty? Maybe. Legend has it that some of my makeup is still in there.
As mentioned earlier, from what I've been told this dog is a rescue. It has behaviour problems. Crazy, I know. You'd be shocked to know that its owners are not experienced with handling rescues. It barks at many, oh many things. There is not a single multicellular organism in this city that this thing has not barked at. When it gets let outside, the very first thing it does is run to the end of the yard and shriek at the sky! And this thing is one of those dogs that has the projection of a large dog, but the bark of a small one. Yea, it's actually piercing, and if I'm in the same room as it my ears physically hurt when it barks and leaves my ears ringing. Definitely an effective deterrent, as I don't really leave my room anymore while it's here, so I guess I basically don't leave my room anymore except to go to work or cook... Of course this dog does more than bark though! It's actually fairly aggressive, too, because of course it is. You cannot discipline this dog, both because of the coddling my father does for it and the dog's own reaction to various techniques. Very growly and bares its teeth. I went to close the living room curtain once and the dog snapped at my hand, biting me. It has bitten me again one other time when I shooed it out of my new room that I was cleaning out (note: my dad yelled at me later because it's "Keno's relaxing spot" and I'm cruel to take that away from it, don't worry it hasn't been back in since) I'm not allowed to teach this dog in any way, as any genuine attempt from me (mainly out of desperation to make what time I have left in this house livable I don't actually want to teach this mutt, I want it gone) is swiftly shut down by my dad who says once again that the dog will never learn and that's just how it is. GREAT. GET RID OF THE FUCKING THING THEN IF ITS UNFIXABLE. Oh, it's your "duty" to ensure the dog doesn't get put down apparently, because that's what will 100% happen if the dog gets given up according to him. He's not a "killer" 🙄 mf hearing that is unbelievably infuriating this dog will have no fucking chance in the future if it doesn't get given up at least now it could potentially be taken care of by someone halfway decent at it. I've told him multiple times that him ENABLING these dipshit owners is just causing more problems for this awful animal further down the road. I hate the shit out of this thing and I'm still trying to think of its well-being. UGH.
God tho, words cannot describe how much of a trigger this dog's bark is. I hate it. I cannot stand it. It's an audible plague. It worms through earplugs, headphones, walls. I cannot get it out of my fucking mind. Even on the few days this dog isn't here, I can still hear it shrieking away a few doors down. It's barking as I type this part someone save me this dog allegedly was supposed to go home an hour ago. The latest this thing has stayed was until 11:30 PM. What the fuck.
Apparently the dog is fixed. However for some reason it repeatedly tries to mount Suzuki. It does not do that with the other dogs who are all fixed. Huh. Oh, it also likes to rub up against the only part of our couch with an arm rest and has claimed it as its territory - actually briefly fought with Benji over it two weeks ago. Mom said it was a serious incident but nothing came of it, as usual haha. Whatever, point is this dog is a problem in yet another way. I love being told off about not wanting this dog to rub its fucking ass up against my thigh while I'm trying to just sit on the couch for whatever reason at the time.
What makes my blood boil the most about the behaviour though is how this dog treats our cats and even the other neighbour's dog. It's a fucking menace, an actual danger. It chases and harasses our cats in some attempt to police them or something. If Loki jumps onto a high point that she regularly lounges at, he dashes at her and barks at her. If Ninja meows at the door to be put on a leash in the yard, he barks and chases him. This dog has lunged at our cats more than once. I'm scared that something is going to happen to them because those things happen way faster than one can stop them. I don't know if I could handle seeing that image in reality. I really don't think I could. I hope I don't have to and even writing about the possibility gives me anxiety and the fact that my dad jokes about how Keno "definitely came from a family where he was supposed to keep an eye on a cat" just brings me to my fucking limit as it is. I nearly had that sort of scare a couple months ago when Benji and Keno were scrapping in my dad's room. I saw that they were getting too aggressive, but my dad has made it umm, very clear that I am not allowed to police them on it. So yea, it happened super quick - Keno clamped down on Benji's throat and hurt him. While the little guy lived, he now has a semi-persistent cough and at the time I genuinely thought the dog was gonna cross the forever bridge as he was struggling to breathe for like 10min. What changed from this incident? Well, nothing! My dad blamed Benji. I feel really bad about the incident as there was a brief window where I could have stopped it, but my fear of causing an argument with my dad led to an animal getting hurt, even if it's one I'm not a huge fan of.
Where are the owners? Haha. At work apparently. As mentioned, the dog is here nearly 7 days a week, at least 12 hours a day, usually longer than that (7am to 7pm, but this dog has fucking arrived at like 6:10am before.) Weekends are supposed to be a reprieve from this demon, but every couple weekends it'll come over on those days too and sometimes for completely fucking random reasons! Aren't owners usually comfy leaving their dog at their house for two hours? Why the fuck are these people unable to do that? Why do my parents get no notice apparently? Why do my parents take this shit? I am not allowed to voice disapproval towards this dog or the situation of any kind - my dad immediately launches into a tirade more colourful than a pastel palette if I even slightly remind him that I hate this fucking thing. My mom shuts me down - "That's enough.", "Don't", "I don't want your dad to get angry" the last time this happened my dad insisted that either I "love all of them or abuse all of them, no pick and choosing" he then drank himself silly and forgot about it. Why did that happen? I came in the door and pet our dogs plus Benji because he was actually behaving pretty well for once!
Yea the owners are so shitty. Benji's owner has told my mom (who then relayed it to me) about how they find it funny and cute that their awful dog pisses all over our walls and barks teehee 😊 at least Benji's owner tries and walks our schipperke at night sometimes. Keno's diabolical yet incompetent owners very clearly know they have a golden goose in the form of my father who is only spineless when it comes to dogs. He has sadly attached himself to this stupid mutt, and I'm worried that I'm going to have to deal with it for as long as I associate with my parents, at least until it passes. In fact, my dad has straight up said that he considers this dog his own, and part of the family. Many times he has mentioned that poor Keno's "REAL FAMILY" is here in our house. Keno's owners apparently pay my dad $100 a month sometimes for the privilege of letting it ruin this house for a minimum of 60 hours a week. Damn they got a good deal. The owners have other issues too, but basically I just can't believe that this is the hill my dad (and by extension my mom as she's been stockholm'd by my dad) is willing to die on. I can't believe this fucking dog has so much sway in things here. I can't believe my dad constantly praises and gives it love while in the same breath detailling very specifically how much joy I suck away from his life and how much of a regret of his I am. How do I stop being worth less to him than this dog? Before this thing, it was a neighbour's chihuahua named Oreo that also pissed all over the place and yapped. Despite the fact that I'd sometimes exit the shower and have to step over dog shit, I'd much rather have that yappy dog back then keep dealing with this hellspawn. At least back then my father pretended to care about me. I wish this thing would just fucking leave. I wish my mom would actually put her foot down like she says she is. I'm so tired of this. I'm tired of being told about how I'm supposed to just LIKE this shitty dog and how my open dislike of it is animal abuse or some shit that's like actually untrue (what the fuck.) I do my best to just ignore it as much as I can but this dog has driven me to crying fits more than once because it Just. Doesn't. Stop. The reminders are everywhere. It's sunken its teeth into every fucking aspect of life here and I am so miserable. If I could afford it I would move out yesterday. I want out so badly but can only bide my time while bitching like some drama queen because I was an idiot
Wow, this has ballooned way beyond how long I thought it'd be. Oops. Hey, even if you don't read it, it felt pretty good to type.
tldr: THESE 2 DOGS ARE SHIT BUT ONE IS SHITTIER AND THE WORST
submitted by Verstehn to TalesfromtheDogHouse [link] [comments]
For some context behind the living situation, I am unfortunately at a few months into 27 still living with my parents who rent a townhouse 🙁 It's my own fault really and I have a feeling the situation I'm in now may be fate's rendering of judgement on me for growing up into a failure. It's a really long story but the summary is that I was in a deep depression spiral for a bunch of reasons leading me to make sooo many poor financial and educational decisions starting around late elementary school to last year. About 2 years ago I finally started taking steps towards fixing my problems which included some soul searching within, but I think I've got another year or two yet before I'd consider myself comfortable enough financially to finally get out of here and away from this demented doggy day care more or less for good. For what it might be worth, while I don't pay rent I do help out with chores and pay for various things in general - I've fronted pet supplies and vet bills, gas, groceries, purchased furniture, kitchen tools, paid my mom's car insurance when she's been late on it because of my dad's drinking, paid for maintenance stuff such as some supplies to fix holes or damage that my dad puts in walls and doors, among other things like you know, random stuff that needs fixing haha. I want to think I'm not a *complete* parasite, but I totally understand if you still see me as one. Really, I get it. I promise you I'm trying and I will be useful one day. Until then though, 😔
My parents currently own 3 dogs and 2 cats so it's already pretty crowded here and to top it off I have a mild allergy to pet hair so the only time I ever have a clear nose is when I'm out of the house: a 10yr old schipperke named Kallie, a 4yr old golden retriever named Sundance, and some kind of mix that reminds me of a GSD mixed with a pitbull I guess that's like idk 2-3yrs old - her name is Suzuki and she's a rescue that my parents brought back after selling something to a Kijiji buyer. Dunno her breed exactly though. The cats are a black cat named Ninja that we've had since 2014 and a tabby stray named Loki that followed us home from a dumpster a few years ago so we decided to keep her. I love them both so much and Loki is especially dear to me and is actually closer to being my cat than my parents' cat - I am 100% taking her when I leave. They are relevant to this further down trust me.
For the record I don't have issues with Kallie and Sundance and actually do love them a lot despite the fact that I'm not actually the biggest fan of dogs - they're an exception, and I warmed up to Suzuki about a year ago though she has an issue which is relevant for the problem animals.
Several other dogs that weren't ours have been through this house in the past as my dad is well, soft-hearted and naive when it comes to specifically animals. Some of them have been problems. Some of them represent Problems. All of the extra dogs have been unilaterally his decision and any voice of disapproval ignites a conflict. Right now there are 2 other dogs on top of the family 3 and these two are the Big Problems™️ rn: the first one is a shitzuo (emphasis on the SHIT) named Keno or Kino or who fucking cares I'll just call him Keno. The other one is a mix of something that looks a little like Suzuki, but is white and might have a little chihuahua in him. His name is Benji. I'll start with Benji since I actually have sympathy for his owner and as much as I find him annoying he has some potential to be a decent dog one day if given the proper support, but that's not my problem as it's not my dog.
Benji is a younger doggo, about a year old. His owner is a single mom currently going through a bad divorce from what I hear which honestly is really unfortunate and I do hope her situation improves someday. He's kinda friendly most of the time, but his owner has still not gotten him fixed, which is an issue particularly because of how much time he spends in the same house as Suzuki, who my mom has not gotten fixed either despite my offers to pay for it and attempts to schedule it for her. I regularly stop Benji's attempts to mount her, but I know I won't be able to stop it forever and I'm terrified of the outcome. Every time I bring it up to my parents, I am either blown off with a half-thought response or (in the case of my dad) straight up yelled at and threatened as this dog is apparently just "playing" or "fighting for dominance." 🫠 I just don't want to have to exist next to a bunch of puppies that my parents are completely incapable of taking care of but there's nothing I can do about it. God, imagining the noise level and smell of the house makes me shiver. Aaaaaa. Benji is also an extremely pushy and jealous dog as he's still very young and isn't being trained adequately by either his owner or my dad - I cannot pet the family dogs without this little annoyance trying to worm his way in and interrupt. One positive I can think of is that he at least defers to me and folds over in submission the moment I express any kind of disapproval. Well, that and he isn't Keno.
Keno is.... a fucking NIGHTMARE that is driving me to insanity and I am devoting basically the rest of this rant to this untrained monstrosity and its neglectfully absent handlers. I have never, in my entire life, EVER, hated a dog more than this shaggy, aggressive, shrieking rat. It all started about six months ago when some neighbours who I've never met in my life got this stupid idiot dumbshit animal as a rescue. My mom let it come over once and I had one of those really bad gut feelings. My dad then suggested to them that he could keep an eye on it, as both of the owners work all day and don't get home until later while my dad is at home usually as he's on disability. From then on this curly-haired terror has been at our house almost 7 days a week, for at LEAST 12 hours a day. Let's see if I can describe just much I hate this animal without hitting a character limit.
The dog wasn't (and still isn't) yard trained or outside-trained in general. This dog is like 2 years old or something and every time I've brought it up my dad freaks out and says "that's not going to happen, that's just how he is! Get used to it!" My dad's solution is to cover our ENTIRE front entrance into the building hallway in piss pads. Yea, training pads. These are filled up multiple times a day - sometimes multiple times an HOUR ... you can imagine the amount of garbage this creates which my dad then complains about having to deal with (he's the ONLY reason this dog still comes here) - and yes, he throws the used piss pads in the KITCHEN TRASH, YOU KNOW, THE ONES WITH FECES AND URINE ON THEM 🙃The dog regularly misses too and wastes all over the floor and wall! I rented a carpet cleaner for when I moved rooms and my mom decided to use it after to clean up the entrance way, hahaha, it was pissed up less than 2 hours later! The doors and walls around there are starting to be stained by dog piss and it gets worse when the pads get moved around for whatever reason. If you were to look closely, you may see tiny streaks from where the dog rushed to its mandatory shitting sessions. We used to have a bench beside the door for putting on shoes and stuff, and the closet was actually used for coats, hats, and things. Now the whole area has been devoted to this walking feces factory and on top of that the perpetually soiled pads sit in front of our downstairs bathroom as well. Suffice to say that I have not used that washroom in nearly six months and only make use of the upstairs one now. Petty? Maybe. Legend has it that some of my makeup is still in there.
As mentioned earlier, from what I've been told this dog is a rescue. It has behaviour problems. Crazy, I know. You'd be shocked to know that its owners are not experienced with handling rescues. It barks at many, oh many things. There is not a single multicellular organism in this city that this thing has not barked at. When it gets let outside, the very first thing it does is run to the end of the yard and shriek at the sky! And this thing is one of those dogs that has the projection of a large dog, but the bark of a small one. Yea, it's actually piercing, and if I'm in the same room as it my ears physically hurt when it barks and leaves my ears ringing. Definitely an effective deterrent, as I don't really leave my room anymore while it's here, so I guess I basically don't leave my room anymore except to go to work or cook... Of course this dog does more than bark though! It's actually fairly aggressive, too, because of course it is. You cannot discipline this dog, both because of the coddling my father does for it and the dog's own reaction to various techniques. Very growly and bares its teeth. I went to close the living room curtain once and the dog snapped at my hand, biting me. It has bitten me again one other time when I shooed it out of my new room that I was cleaning out (note: my dad yelled at me later because it's "Keno's relaxing spot" and I'm cruel to take that away from it, don't worry it hasn't been back in since) I'm not allowed to teach this dog in any way, as any genuine attempt from me (mainly out of desperation to make what time I have left in this house livable I don't actually want to teach this mutt, I want it gone) is swiftly shut down by my dad who says once again that the dog will never learn and that's just how it is. GREAT. GET RID OF THE FUCKING THING THEN IF ITS UNFIXABLE. Oh, it's your "duty" to ensure the dog doesn't get put down apparently, because that's what will 100% happen if the dog gets given up according to him. He's not a "killer" 🙄 mf hearing that is unbelievably infuriating this dog will have no fucking chance in the future if it doesn't get given up at least now it could potentially be taken care of by someone halfway decent at it. I've told him multiple times that him ENABLING these dipshit owners is just causing more problems for this awful animal further down the road. I hate the shit out of this thing and I'm still trying to think of its well-being. UGH.
God tho, words cannot describe how much of a trigger this dog's bark is. I hate it. I cannot stand it. It's an audible plague. It worms through earplugs, headphones, walls. I cannot get it out of my fucking mind. Even on the few days this dog isn't here, I can still hear it shrieking away a few doors down. It's barking as I type this part someone save me this dog allegedly was supposed to go home an hour ago. The latest this thing has stayed was until 11:30 PM. What the fuck.
Apparently the dog is fixed. However for some reason it repeatedly tries to mount Suzuki. It does not do that with the other dogs who are all fixed. Huh. Oh, it also likes to rub up against the only part of our couch with an arm rest and has claimed it as its territory - actually briefly fought with Benji over it two weeks ago. Mom said it was a serious incident but nothing came of it, as usual haha. Whatever, point is this dog is a problem in yet another way. I love being told off about not wanting this dog to rub its fucking ass up against my thigh while I'm trying to just sit on the couch for whatever reason at the time.
What makes my blood boil the most about the behaviour though is how this dog treats our cats and even the other neighbour's dog. It's a fucking menace, an actual danger. It chases and harasses our cats in some attempt to police them or something. If Loki jumps onto a high point that she regularly lounges at, he dashes at her and barks at her. If Ninja meows at the door to be put on a leash in the yard, he barks and chases him. This dog has lunged at our cats more than once. I'm scared that something is going to happen to them because those things happen way faster than one can stop them. I don't know if I could handle seeing that image in reality. I really don't think I could. I hope I don't have to and even writing about the possibility gives me anxiety and the fact that my dad jokes about how Keno "definitely came from a family where he was supposed to keep an eye on a cat" just brings me to my fucking limit as it is. I nearly had that sort of scare a couple months ago when Benji and Keno were scrapping in my dad's room. I saw that they were getting too aggressive, but my dad has made it umm, very clear that I am not allowed to police them on it. So yea, it happened super quick - Keno clamped down on Benji's throat and hurt him. While the little guy lived, he now has a semi-persistent cough and at the time I genuinely thought the dog was gonna cross the forever bridge as he was struggling to breathe for like 10min. What changed from this incident? Well, nothing! My dad blamed Benji. I feel really bad about the incident as there was a brief window where I could have stopped it, but my fear of causing an argument with my dad led to an animal getting hurt, even if it's one I'm not a huge fan of.
Where are the owners? Haha. At work apparently. As mentioned, the dog is here nearly 7 days a week, at least 12 hours a day, usually longer than that (7am to 7pm, but this dog has fucking arrived at like 6:10am before.) Weekends are supposed to be a reprieve from this demon, but every couple weekends it'll come over on those days too and sometimes for completely fucking random reasons! Aren't owners usually comfy leaving their dog at their house for two hours? Why the fuck are these people unable to do that? Why do my parents get no notice apparently? Why do my parents take this shit? I am not allowed to voice disapproval towards this dog or the situation of any kind - my dad immediately launches into a tirade more colourful than a pastel palette if I even slightly remind him that I hate this fucking thing. My mom shuts me down - "That's enough.", "Don't", "I don't want your dad to get angry" the last time this happened my dad insisted that either I "love all of them or abuse all of them, no pick and choosing" he then drank himself silly and forgot about it. Why did that happen? I came in the door and pet our dogs plus Benji because he was actually behaving pretty well for once!
Yea the owners are so shitty. Benji's owner has told my mom (who then relayed it to me) about how they find it funny and cute that their awful dog pisses all over our walls and barks teehee 😊 at least Benji's owner tries and walks our schipperke at night sometimes. Keno's diabolical yet incompetent owners very clearly know they have a golden goose in the form of my father who is only spineless when it comes to dogs. He has sadly attached himself to this stupid mutt, and I'm worried that I'm going to have to deal with it for as long as I associate with my parents, at least until it passes. In fact, my dad has straight up said that he considers this dog his own, and part of the family. Many times he has mentioned that poor Keno's "REAL FAMILY" is here in our house. Keno's owners apparently pay my dad $100 a month sometimes for the privilege of letting it ruin this house for a minimum of 60 hours a week. Damn they got a good deal. The owners have other issues too, but basically I just can't believe that this is the hill my dad (and by extension my mom as she's been stockholm'd by my dad) is willing to die on. I can't believe this fucking dog has so much sway in things here. I can't believe my dad constantly praises and gives it love while in the same breath detailling very specifically how much joy I suck away from his life and how much of a regret of his I am. How do I stop being worth less to him than this dog? Before this thing, it was a neighbour's chihuahua named Oreo that also pissed all over the place and yapped. Despite the fact that I'd sometimes exit the shower and have to step over dog shit, I'd much rather have that yappy dog back then keep dealing with this hellspawn. At least back then my father pretended to care about me. I wish this thing would just fucking leave. I wish my mom would actually put her foot down like she says she is. I'm so tired of this. I'm tired of being told about how I'm supposed to just LIKE this shitty dog and how my open dislike of it is animal abuse or some shit that's like actually untrue (what the fuck.) I do my best to just ignore it as much as I can but this dog has driven me to crying fits more than once because it Just. Doesn't. Stop. The reminders are everywhere. It's sunken its teeth into every fucking aspect of life here and I am so miserable. If I could afford it I would move out yesterday. I want out so badly but can only bide my time while bitching like some drama queen because I was an idiot
Wow, this has ballooned way beyond how long I thought it'd be. Oops. Hey, even if you don't read it, it felt pretty good to type.
tldr: THESE 2 DOGS ARE SHIT BUT ONE IS SHITTIER AND THE WORST
2024.05.14 08:53 shaneka69 CANCER ZODIAC - UNEXPECTED INCOME! TAROT READING MAY 2024
CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024
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2024.05.14 08:45 Exotic_Football_2251 I’m so F****** lost.
I don’t even know where to begin. 26F. I have had a lot go on in my life (not to short anyone else, because life is screwed). I’m just going to tell my story because I don’t know what else to do. As I’m telling this story please keep in mind, I don’t have all of the information and I’ve been kind of surviving up until this point. When I was 3-8 months old my father packed me and the dog up, and left my mother without telling her while she was at work back in 1997(Florida to Pennsylvania). having no idea because I was an infant, going in to toddler my dad loved the crap out of me. I felt safe, and cared for. My dad ended up sending me to a catholic school for 1st- 5th. started growing and realized that I have a difficultly keeping concentrated, was way friendler than everyone. @ 9 years old he had me speak to my mother for the first time and all she said was mean shit about him and I cried and hung up.
I had noticed my dad started to grow aggravated with me, and would say some down right mean shit. Not let me have my own personality, Embarrassed me by writing mean shit about what I did wrong on sticky notes and would tell me to keep in on my shirt all day at school. Back me into corners like he was a big bully if I didn’t do things right/his way. He through a birthday party for me when I was 11 and then was like “look at how nobody showed up” when he was most likely the reason they didn’t. Before sixth grade started, he moved us back down to Florida. So from catholic school to public. I noticed bigger changes in him and it was a complete 180 for me, going from a religious school to a public. It was like there was no longer the happiness in him and he would pick on me and bully me, when I started going to public schools I was bullied as well there. I would come home from school crying and he stated “I’ll give you a reason to cry”. Would be very physically abusive. Would even threaten to send me to my mothers which I was scared of because of the mean shit she said when I was 9. He sent me to another girls mom to learn about “women things”- literally just how to shave my f**** legs. I eventually went to the schools therapist in 6th grade and tried to tell them what was going on without getting my dad in trouble or him hearing about it and doing something worse, that didn’t happen. I guess I blacked out most of my memory’s about things because of the way I needed to cope but I remember writing him letters and begging him to talk to me because he started just not speaking to me at all, would leave me at home while he worked and told me to lock the doors and hide. I eventually tried to disconnect from it all in my head to go with the motions. Eventually before 8th grade started we moved up to Maryland and moved in with my cousins because he had claimed he lost a lot of money in Florida( in recent years he told me the school was trying to get him charged for the things I said back then to the therapist.) we became more distant because he wasn’t very friendly and would hide in the basement. Moved into my god parents house because eventually he had enough issues with my cousins he didn’t want to be “there problem” anymore. We became more distant as he would just hide in there basement as well, I’d go down there just to talk with him and he’d just be this mean person I didn’t know anymore. Still being a very emotionally abusive person. I got arrested 3 months before graduation because I had weed and cigarettes at school.
When I was 18 I moved into my 2nd boyfriend’s house. Not a good idea looking back at it because it was totally a trap house and I had no clue what I was doing there.(drugs) that’s what I was doing. He had no clue & didn’t care to notice. A lot of co-dependence was there because I stayed there for 4 years.
In 2018 (I was 18 at this point) he was going delirious for about 4-5days and would tell me stuff like take my stuff, I’m going to die ect. Wouldn’t let me take him to the hospital, just wanted to die, thank god my god mother was there when he collapsed and had a ambulance come and get him, he went into a diabetic coma it lasted for 1.5 months or so, he came out of it and basically told me he should’ve died and that he wanted to.
That made things worse mentally for me, I did a lot of fucked up things in the 4 years I was with the boy I was doing drugs with, he also was very physically abusing, as so was I at this point. We broke up and I did everything I could not to go back to living with my father who ended up with enough money to buy a place in my name. I ended up living there for a while and nothing good came from it.
A lot of drinking and boyfriends and dumb shit happened and I was completely out of it until I got a DWI in late 2019. Really woke me up. I started wanting better for myself, knowing I could just didn’t know how. I got into YET ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP, and thought it was good for me, two years in we decided we were going to buy a home (23 years old at this point) we bought it and a lot was wrong with the house and clearly the boy I bought it with because he was into a really odd kink, had girls in his phone, and would not introduce me to his female friends. On top of that he did not doing ANYTHING to help me fix the home. A year into owning the home I broke up with him and lost my job. I was depressed for 7-8 months, got another job and about 1.5 years after the break up someone came up to me and asked me on a date. (I still lived with my ex in the house we own). (I was completely honest with him and up front about everything.)
He has shown me grace, kindness, and compassion. He had shown me a whole new perspective in life. He also had gone through a really traumatic past. Starting of the relationship was rough, I was feral and he gets defensive really easy. We have stuck this thing out and I am 7 months in therapy and he just had his first session in years today. I would like to consider this success. I just changed therapist because the one I had been going to wasn’t as good as I would’ve liked them to be. We are now 1.5 years in, and I’m still trying to figure myself out and currently won’t hear from the new therapist until the 21st of may. I’m struggling mentally but not half as bad as I used to. I guess I’m just looking for new perspectives and some positive words at this point. My boyfriend and I are on opposite schedules for the next 2.5 months and I can tell I’m still very co-dependent, in my head I’m hoping his new therapist doesn’t tell him we are not right for each other. I’m so full of stress and trauma it’s crazy. I don’t even know who I am or if I fully feel happy in any situation.
Any kind words would help. Sorry for the all over the place read.
submitted by Exotic_Football_2251 to depression [link] [comments]
I had noticed my dad started to grow aggravated with me, and would say some down right mean shit. Not let me have my own personality, Embarrassed me by writing mean shit about what I did wrong on sticky notes and would tell me to keep in on my shirt all day at school. Back me into corners like he was a big bully if I didn’t do things right/his way. He through a birthday party for me when I was 11 and then was like “look at how nobody showed up” when he was most likely the reason they didn’t. Before sixth grade started, he moved us back down to Florida. So from catholic school to public. I noticed bigger changes in him and it was a complete 180 for me, going from a religious school to a public. It was like there was no longer the happiness in him and he would pick on me and bully me, when I started going to public schools I was bullied as well there. I would come home from school crying and he stated “I’ll give you a reason to cry”. Would be very physically abusive. Would even threaten to send me to my mothers which I was scared of because of the mean shit she said when I was 9. He sent me to another girls mom to learn about “women things”- literally just how to shave my f**** legs. I eventually went to the schools therapist in 6th grade and tried to tell them what was going on without getting my dad in trouble or him hearing about it and doing something worse, that didn’t happen. I guess I blacked out most of my memory’s about things because of the way I needed to cope but I remember writing him letters and begging him to talk to me because he started just not speaking to me at all, would leave me at home while he worked and told me to lock the doors and hide. I eventually tried to disconnect from it all in my head to go with the motions. Eventually before 8th grade started we moved up to Maryland and moved in with my cousins because he had claimed he lost a lot of money in Florida( in recent years he told me the school was trying to get him charged for the things I said back then to the therapist.) we became more distant because he wasn’t very friendly and would hide in the basement. Moved into my god parents house because eventually he had enough issues with my cousins he didn’t want to be “there problem” anymore. We became more distant as he would just hide in there basement as well, I’d go down there just to talk with him and he’d just be this mean person I didn’t know anymore. Still being a very emotionally abusive person. I got arrested 3 months before graduation because I had weed and cigarettes at school.
When I was 18 I moved into my 2nd boyfriend’s house. Not a good idea looking back at it because it was totally a trap house and I had no clue what I was doing there.(drugs) that’s what I was doing. He had no clue & didn’t care to notice. A lot of co-dependence was there because I stayed there for 4 years.
In 2018 (I was 18 at this point) he was going delirious for about 4-5days and would tell me stuff like take my stuff, I’m going to die ect. Wouldn’t let me take him to the hospital, just wanted to die, thank god my god mother was there when he collapsed and had a ambulance come and get him, he went into a diabetic coma it lasted for 1.5 months or so, he came out of it and basically told me he should’ve died and that he wanted to.
That made things worse mentally for me, I did a lot of fucked up things in the 4 years I was with the boy I was doing drugs with, he also was very physically abusing, as so was I at this point. We broke up and I did everything I could not to go back to living with my father who ended up with enough money to buy a place in my name. I ended up living there for a while and nothing good came from it.
A lot of drinking and boyfriends and dumb shit happened and I was completely out of it until I got a DWI in late 2019. Really woke me up. I started wanting better for myself, knowing I could just didn’t know how. I got into YET ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP, and thought it was good for me, two years in we decided we were going to buy a home (23 years old at this point) we bought it and a lot was wrong with the house and clearly the boy I bought it with because he was into a really odd kink, had girls in his phone, and would not introduce me to his female friends. On top of that he did not doing ANYTHING to help me fix the home. A year into owning the home I broke up with him and lost my job. I was depressed for 7-8 months, got another job and about 1.5 years after the break up someone came up to me and asked me on a date. (I still lived with my ex in the house we own). (I was completely honest with him and up front about everything.)
He has shown me grace, kindness, and compassion. He had shown me a whole new perspective in life. He also had gone through a really traumatic past. Starting of the relationship was rough, I was feral and he gets defensive really easy. We have stuck this thing out and I am 7 months in therapy and he just had his first session in years today. I would like to consider this success. I just changed therapist because the one I had been going to wasn’t as good as I would’ve liked them to be. We are now 1.5 years in, and I’m still trying to figure myself out and currently won’t hear from the new therapist until the 21st of may. I’m struggling mentally but not half as bad as I used to. I guess I’m just looking for new perspectives and some positive words at this point. My boyfriend and I are on opposite schedules for the next 2.5 months and I can tell I’m still very co-dependent, in my head I’m hoping his new therapist doesn’t tell him we are not right for each other. I’m so full of stress and trauma it’s crazy. I don’t even know who I am or if I fully feel happy in any situation.
Any kind words would help. Sorry for the all over the place read.
2024.05.14 08:35 chitchh Inaccurate Data Reporting
Hello.
I'm tying to figure out what is going on here. I have Google Fi as a cell provider on a Google Pixel 8 Pro. In late March I switched my calling plan to Unlimited Plus so I could add tethering. I got my bill this month and Google Fi is saying I used 91 gigs of data total. 54 for my phone and 36 for my tethered device. My phone is only reporting 42 gigs total. 6.5 for apps on my phone and 36 for tethering. WHERE is the 48 gig discrepancy?
I don't play video games (ZERO), I don't watch videos on my phone. I don't Tik Tok, I don't edit graphics or video. I don't video chat or stream video game live streams. I don't do anything heavy data wise on my phone.
How did I go from 8-10 gigs a month data used on my phone to 54 in one month?!
When I look at my mobile data usage it says tethering was 36. The next most used was Facebook at 1.01 gigs. All my apps together only account for 6.5 gigs (and I rounded all the totals up).
Are they double dipping? Counting the data when my phone was acting as a router and then adding tethering data used thinking it's 2 different streams?
To put this in perspective, I watched about 20 hours total of Youtube TV at 240k on my tethered device. That used 36 gigs. I would have to watch almost TWICE that amount for my phone to use that kind of data. It's not possible.
Why is there such a large discrepancy between what my phone reports and what Google Fi reports?
I added this months usage to the post. We are basically half way though the month and it's a fraction of the data compared to last month. I'm doing the same thing this month as last. And if you look at the app usage, what Google Fi reports and what my phone reports are a BIG difference.
They aren't listening to me. Help me help them understand.
submitted by chitchh to GoogleFi [link] [comments]
I'm tying to figure out what is going on here. I have Google Fi as a cell provider on a Google Pixel 8 Pro. In late March I switched my calling plan to Unlimited Plus so I could add tethering. I got my bill this month and Google Fi is saying I used 91 gigs of data total. 54 for my phone and 36 for my tethered device. My phone is only reporting 42 gigs total. 6.5 for apps on my phone and 36 for tethering. WHERE is the 48 gig discrepancy?
I don't play video games (ZERO), I don't watch videos on my phone. I don't Tik Tok, I don't edit graphics or video. I don't video chat or stream video game live streams. I don't do anything heavy data wise on my phone.
How did I go from 8-10 gigs a month data used on my phone to 54 in one month?!
When I look at my mobile data usage it says tethering was 36. The next most used was Facebook at 1.01 gigs. All my apps together only account for 6.5 gigs (and I rounded all the totals up).
Are they double dipping? Counting the data when my phone was acting as a router and then adding tethering data used thinking it's 2 different streams?
To put this in perspective, I watched about 20 hours total of Youtube TV at 240k on my tethered device. That used 36 gigs. I would have to watch almost TWICE that amount for my phone to use that kind of data. It's not possible.
Why is there such a large discrepancy between what my phone reports and what Google Fi reports?
I added this months usage to the post. We are basically half way though the month and it's a fraction of the data compared to last month. I'm doing the same thing this month as last. And if you look at the app usage, what Google Fi reports and what my phone reports are a BIG difference.
They aren't listening to me. Help me help them understand.
2024.05.14 08:33 McComfortable I'm in serious need of help and it feels like it's too late for me
I don't really no where to start. I feel I've lost myself, consumed with anxiety and guilt and fear and regret and I fear, this new fear, that it's going to be the end of me if I don't start to get it out in some way, shape or form.
I guess I'll begin at the beginning...
I had a difficult childhood with fairly neglectful parents. A mother who openly expressed she never felt she really stepped into her mom shoes until she gave birth to my younger sister, who is three years younger than me. She is my only sibling. My mother told me when I was a kid that she "had to love me", but when my sister came around "she was finally a mother and over the moon", or simply "I always always wanted a girl". I'm not sure if this could be attributed to Post-partum depression, not that she ever researched that or was daignosed with it. That's probably just me trying to pardon my mother or something to the effect. She was 17 when she had me and I'm sure times were different then, my parents both were raised religious, father christian, mother mormon. Maybe their guilt. I ask myself why they brought me into this world if I wasn't wanted to begin with. Or, give me up for adoption to a set of guardians that would have loved me better. I know I was an accident and that's not what gets me down, I get that life be lifing and what happened happened. My difficulties stem from the feeling that my presence never gave my mother any sense of purpose, responsibility or love, or concern. She was emotionally unavailable to me virtually my entire life and I feel like that caused many issues later in my life and how I perceive myself and what I deserve. Coupled with the fact that my neglect met such extremes that I am frankly shocked that I was never picked up by child care services, maybe things were different in the 90's. I'm not sure, I was just a child then.
Much of my upbringing I didn't receive a lot of the things most people would consider essential. As a baby my crib was the sock drawer, then I grew large enough to have a closet, then slept on the floor of a walk-in closet, then I had a single bed from what I recall for maybe a year or maybe two years and I remember feeling metal springs poke me in the my ribs and I recall it being uncomfortable enough for me to move back to sleeping on the floor next to the ratty old used mattress my father found from who knows where. I remember feeling like I had to keep that secret, that the mattress they gave me was uncomfortable enough for me to sneak sleeping on the floor next to it. I think I was really afraid as coming across as ungrateful. My father came from a third world country, so the "gratefullness issue" was address frequently by my mom because "I don't have it even half as bad as what my father had to endure. And she was probably right. But it just silenced me ultimately, didn't put things into a mature context for me. I just learned that I can't complain about anything ever. Anyway, that trend didn't really change when I grew older. grade 9-10 I was sleeping on the living room couch so my sister could have privacy and a bedroom to exist in for herself - which I realize is important for an individual so I encouraged her to have the bedroom. Although I figured my parents expected me to do this for my sister regardless. I was okay with making sacrfices for those I love, it was instilled in me from a very very young age.
I do feel like my father took advantage of me in the form of labour as well, having to do custodial work with my father from 10pm to 3am, at two highschools I believe he was contracted, at that young age I honestly enjoyed just spending time with my father I think, working alongside him. When I was in grade 2 and 3 I had garbage bag duty for all the students bathrooms, and I remember loving snapping the bags open by rushing air into the bag and making it blow up like a baloon. I remember the scary unlit shadowy hallways that I couldn't perceive the ends of. No bodies to see, it felt eerie but exciting in a way - like it was a whole different world.
School was a different experience for me. It was very stressful, my parents had to move a few times a year because they would dodge rent or just generally be selfish with their dual income. They loved to party hard on the weekends. I remember wondering why my father did this to himself all the time. Hoping that we could spend quality time on a saturday, but he wouldnt get out of bed until just before dinner. I didn't really understand hangovers or alcoholism and how it meant our plans would get cancelled. I think I remember trying to wrap my head around willful self-poisoning for entertainment and how could that be more enjoyable then spending time with your son? I couldn't tell my mother why I was so sad about it. Why I didn't want to move again and again and again. Why I found it so difficult to make new friends everytime I had to switch schools. Why I couldn't just do one single full school year with one class of students. It was so hard and at the time, I didn't know anything different. It was so hard to make friends and I think it created this approach to making a "new family" of friends when I became a teenager and young adult.
I remember always wanting to be a "good kid". The "best kid" for my parents. I feel like my parents attached this moniker to me that made things harder for me to mature into a rounded adult later in life. My parents always flaunted me as this point of accomplishment, the accomplishment that I was "so extremely well behaved". I would strive to be super polite, and a good host, try to help out when my parents had their friends over, literally fill their cups when the opportunity presented themselves. I think I did this because I must have made the conclusion that if I was quiet, super polite, helpful and useful then I had value. That I could be loved. That I could earn this love from my parents through acts of service.
I remember feeling like my sister and I had extremely different experiences growing up. When my parents were at work I took care of her, cleaned and cooked. one time my sister told my mom to eff off when she was 5 and I was 8. My mind was blown. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she had the bravery and courage to defy my mother. Looking back, my sister was just mirroring the language she learned from my parents from whenever they fought. I remembering seriously worrying and getting scared that my father was going to belt her, or use the coat hanger, which was his preference with me. I feel like my mom was always checked out and I'm hurt that she allowed my father to take his rage out on me. That my mom could care less about me being beat, but never my sibling. It was very confusing and difficult for me to process. Not that I really processed it much as a kid. I honestly just wanted to be loved and be the best child possible. Honestly though, 'm seriously so glad that my sister was spared all of that complete non-sense. I don't wish that on anyone in the world. There were some punishments where he would walk in and tell me to pull my pants down without explanation. I have memories of tearing up and saying I didn't know why this was happening, asking what I did wrong and he would just remind me that if I resisted then I would get it worse and to hurry up and get ready. My father has since apologized. I think it is how he was raised. I didn't know what to say in response, but I told him I loved him and it's in the past. But I don't know if I was being honest when I said that. My mother would still gaslight me to this day if any of this became topic of discussion, not that I'm guessing. A year ago she told me that much of my pained memories were false and this never happened. My father on the other hand typically stays pensive and unchallenging.
It seems so damned crazy writing all of this out, it feels like a heartbreaking novel and not my life at all. But it was and is my life. I have difficulties opening up and expressing my feelings and advocating for myself when the moments are true and appropriate to do so. I know it's the healthier way to communicate, but I was literally taught to stay quiet and be useful. Fast forward 20-25 years and I'm going to be 35 and I feel like just ending it all. Every year my birthday passes and I'll get a text from my family happy birthday. But they know I'm in a difficult place, they know I miss them, they know I love them and forgive them, I try the high road whenever I can but I just don't see the point anymore. they won't celebrate my life and existence, but they'll throw family gatherings for each other, birthdays, christmas, fathers day and mothers day.
On that note, another mother's day has recently passed and my mother never invited me over, I texted my father three weeks in advance in hopes of securing a time to come over and celebrate my mothers life with my family as a family. I felt particularly stung this mother's day when they celebrated and didn't text or call to invite me over. I live in the same small town so it's easy to hop over. I literally live three blocks away.
Anyway, my mother was diagnosed with cancer over christmas this year and I have been worrying for my mother ever since and thinking about my life with her and the mortal coil and the finite mount of time I may have with her. I feel like there is a large empty part in my heart that wishes my mother and I could go grab a coffee together. She can show me her ipad app art that she has been really excited about for a couple years now. She loves showing off her digital art and I love seeing her joy and how proud she is about her art. I just don't know why she couldn't feel the same for me, her only son. Maybe I'm just a her dissapointment.
I dropped out of highschool and left the family home when I was 16. I just couldn't work for my dad during the night AND go to highschool AND socialize. Something had to give. Unfortunately it was highschool and my parents didn't really care about that at all. They were just... fine with it. they supported my sister through college and she was fortunately able to graduate with a veterinary degree of sorts. she still lives with them now as she pays off her student debt, but I left and travelled and worked on music for over a decade so I admit that I was entirely out of the family picture for some time. But as I get older, not wanting to repeat the mistakes of my parents I fear that that is precisely what's been creeping up in my life.
five years ago I met the absolute most wonderful human being and I am so lucky to have my partner in my life. She and I are engaged now and set to be married. I hoped that the news would overwhelm my parents with excitement and joy. Maybe a facebook post about their son, share some family pictures or something. But they did nothing at all. I think they showed off pictures of the trip to Mexico that week instead.
I just don't really understand how I'm this unworthy of their love and unfortunately now I'm realizing that illusion that I am unworthy has infected my relationship with my fiance. I love her so much but when I can't fix everything in her life I feel like I am the failure and the guilt overhelms me so much and the guilt is such a strong motivator for me, and it usually motivates me into becoming the biggest doormat in the world. I've never worked harder for a relationship or invested this much energy. I feel she deserves it. But I don't advocate for myself. So I build up resentment. Like I clean the house constantly and work and help bail out of her bad spending habits and cover her rent without question and this and that. To be clear, she doesn't take advantage of me and that's not how I feel about it. But I do let this annoyance build up inside of me because I don't know how to communicate my feelings in a healthy way. I'm scared I'll lose the person if I speak up, or I'll be gaslit. Again, that's not my partner that gaslights. That's just generally how I feel I'll be treated if I open up with people. It all goes back to my childhood. It's affected every friendship and work relationship I've had since.
When I was 20-ish, 15 years years ago I did the classic, "seek the relationship that most comfortably fits into the patterns you experienced with your parents". And so I trapped myself in a horrific and extremely damaging relationship with a girl I'll call K. She has undiagnosed bipolaBPD, she would never seek help but self-medicate. She ended up in the hospital maybe four times for self-harming and this where she was considered to have these diseases by a few doctors on different occasions. Anway, it turned into a relationship of abuse and it wasn't exactly new territory for me. I was ashamed in that 8 year relationship. I wanted out so bad, but she would threaten to unalive everytime I tried to get away. Of course, some weeks would go by and i would get my hair pulled out of my scalp, a knife waving in the air in front of my face, spat in the face, kicked, punched, bit, a pot of freshly boiled ramen soup thrown in my face and eyes. What's worse is that I seeked police intervention on multiple occasions. Every single time the police visited, they talked me out of pressing charges, asking me " well if she doesn't have any place to go, then do you have a place you can stay at, or the shelter?". twice they talked me out of a restraining order, that legal proceedings would take forever. Adn de-escalting me from wanting to take measures to ensure my safety because she may end up on the street as a result. To this day, I absolutely wish I advocated for myself here and pushed for a restraining order. I'm so mad at myself for not doing so.
Unfortunately, fast forward a couple years into that relationship and one evening everything would finally hit the fan. I told her to never touch me again and I absolutely meant it. she had just yanked out the largest chunk of my hair to date, to the point where my scalp was bleeding and I could even see epidermal matter still attached to the folicle ends that were in her clenched fingers. My head bled a bit and I pushed her off of me. Telling her that I needed to leave, that I was walking to my secure jam space just a 10 minute walk away. It had a leather couch in a cold concrete basement, but hey at least I would be safe for the night and I could play my drums and try and blow off this anxiety and fear in a way that was safe albeit very noisy.
She hated that I wanted to leave and convinced herself I would never return. To be fair, that was the energy I had. I never wanted to see her face again and have her name on my lips after that night. So her tactic was simple, to threaten me with calling the cops and tell them that I violently pushed her. I called her bluff and said "go ahead and I will just tell them everything you've done - yet again. All I am doing is going to the space to sleep, I said, maybe play drums." She called the cops and told them she was pushed into a wall, and she felt very unsafe. Which yes, I did push her off me when she attacked me. In the past, I tried various tactics, to run away didn't work, she just always chased me down. Or sometimes I would just sit there while she was violent against me and I just "dissapeared" kind of like how I would when my dad used his coat hanger. This time, I just pushed her off of me, I was done with the relationship at that point and we both knew it. Anyway, she called the police, they arrived and when questioned I told them that I pushed her off of me in self-defence. I was drinking that night and it didn't help my case as I was arrested without question that evening and I was charged on the spot without question with domestic assault. It devasted me. I asked the police how this could happen lawfully. That she is an abuser and there is a history of this multiple times. That I've requested a restraining order. They explained that in quebec the laws are a little different and in the case domestic cases, if there is a male aggressor against a female, then the male is automatically charged to the fullest extent. I was absolutelyu devasted by this. I can't tell you the amount of fear and anger I felt in that jail cell that night.
I feel so incredibly betrayed by the justice system, keep in mind, this is law that from what I understand is only in Quebec, I was there for music at the time with an old friend whom I am no longer in contact with. I don't think the rest of the country operates under law in this way. Now I appreciate that they are vigilant about woman abuse victims, but the law shouldn't be this absurdly biased. It just doesnt feel just and fair to me. Covert abusers shouldn't be able to take advantage of the justice system in this way, but it happens.
It was an awful experience, I was homeless for a couple months afterward, not allowed to retrieve my belongings, so I lost all of my life "crap" that I had built up, years of hardwork and investment. I mention this because I realize later in life that I have intense collecting behaviour. maybe as a self-soothing behaviour. But I love building up collections of my hobby stuff as I have many and I feel they keep me regulated and it's a form of therapy for me. In any case, I lost everything when I left that whole situation. It sucks, although ultimately it's clearly best that I got out of that dreadful circumstance. I flew across the country to my hometown and to be closer to my family and old friends from highschool. It's quite a small town mind you.
Unfortunately, my classic tendency to hide and not advocate for myself created an opportunity for my abusive ex. A year following those events, despite me assuring her that I had to block her because I flew away to start a new life provinces away. That I wished her the best. That I even promised I would never tell a soul what she did to me. Not to mention that unfortunately we live in a society where nobody really has an ounce of sympathy for a male abuse victim. I had every intention to keep that promise, but she couldn't trust me ultimately. I think her logic was maybe to just beat her ex to "the punch". Kill or be killed or something like that. I don't live my life like that so I don't really know what her plan was. But she made a bunch of posts on various social media platforms for all of our mutual friends, music friends, coworkers etc. that the relationship was over and she was free. That she got out of a cycle of abuse and she was ready to start a new chapter of her life. She never used my name, just that she was glad she got away from her toxic and abusive ex once and for all.
It was exactly like that night a year prior, she threatened me with this outcome she could design for me, and I called her on her bluff by saying I was still going to block her and I can't control what she does with her life or how she conducts herself, but that I was out and to never contact me ever again. She made me regret that decision.
The posts she made that day got so many likes and support from so many of our mutual friends, even musician mates that were closer to me than her, and it absolutely destroyed me, not just internally but socially. I no longer make music anymore and it hurts to go outside into the world because it feels like everybody sees me as this monster. And still I don't have a voice to inform anyone otherwise - except my family and my fiance. I have no friends anymore. They all left my life with the belief that I did all of these horrible and awful things.
I just don't trust people anymore as a result and it's just caused me to become extremely bitter and depressed. I ruminate on the past, maybe in attempts to fix the past so I can move on. So I could do better, so I don't have to punish myself for my mistakes in the past. But it just reopens every emotional wound I have and they never get a chance to heal. That was maybe 7 years ago now and I'm still replaying these events in my head every single morning for about 1 - 2 hrs. Then I go completely numb for the majority of the rest of the day, shallow breathing, and the mildest sadness that mascarades as fatigue and disinterest.
There are some days where I seriously fear for the future and I just feel like every cruel soul will inherit this earth and that's the future, they built this world of suffering and they deserve to inherit it. Their toxic flag staked so deep into the earth in reclamation. The future isn't holding any seats for people like us. I'm so heartbroken and defeated. I feel like white-wolfing my fiance because she deserves better than this traumatized person that hides from the world. I feel like giving her my collection of collections so she can sell it all off and pay off her 10k of credit debt, then with this act of kindness I can go out not feeling like a guilt-ridden defeated loser. And leave on a high note.
When I'm alone, I get trapped in these ruminating cycles and it's the angriest I ever get. It's reached the point where I feel like I am actually reliving all this past trauma every morning and I can't do it anymore. I just feel like I am so at the end of whatever this ride was.
I don't have any friends anymore and everyone but my fiance thinks I am a monster and it's just unbearable.
I just don't even know. I am even afraid that someone will read this post and suss through all of this and make the connection. Then I'll get another new email or random throwaway account with an insta message that says "I told you you would never be able to get over me. You can move on, but you will never be able to erase the past. Never truly. You know where to find me."
It's haunting and it's poisonous. I just feel haunted and poisoned and I don't know if there is a snake oil potent enough or antitode true enough to get me back to the generous, lighthearted, energetic kid I once was.
To whoever was willing to read through all of this, thank you for hearing me out. I don't know what advice I am even asking for here. I'm hoping just speaking this out into the world in some way can alleviate this misery. I don't know.
submitted by McComfortable to Healthygamergg [link] [comments]
I guess I'll begin at the beginning...
I had a difficult childhood with fairly neglectful parents. A mother who openly expressed she never felt she really stepped into her mom shoes until she gave birth to my younger sister, who is three years younger than me. She is my only sibling. My mother told me when I was a kid that she "had to love me", but when my sister came around "she was finally a mother and over the moon", or simply "I always always wanted a girl". I'm not sure if this could be attributed to Post-partum depression, not that she ever researched that or was daignosed with it. That's probably just me trying to pardon my mother or something to the effect. She was 17 when she had me and I'm sure times were different then, my parents both were raised religious, father christian, mother mormon. Maybe their guilt. I ask myself why they brought me into this world if I wasn't wanted to begin with. Or, give me up for adoption to a set of guardians that would have loved me better. I know I was an accident and that's not what gets me down, I get that life be lifing and what happened happened. My difficulties stem from the feeling that my presence never gave my mother any sense of purpose, responsibility or love, or concern. She was emotionally unavailable to me virtually my entire life and I feel like that caused many issues later in my life and how I perceive myself and what I deserve. Coupled with the fact that my neglect met such extremes that I am frankly shocked that I was never picked up by child care services, maybe things were different in the 90's. I'm not sure, I was just a child then.
Much of my upbringing I didn't receive a lot of the things most people would consider essential. As a baby my crib was the sock drawer, then I grew large enough to have a closet, then slept on the floor of a walk-in closet, then I had a single bed from what I recall for maybe a year or maybe two years and I remember feeling metal springs poke me in the my ribs and I recall it being uncomfortable enough for me to move back to sleeping on the floor next to the ratty old used mattress my father found from who knows where. I remember feeling like I had to keep that secret, that the mattress they gave me was uncomfortable enough for me to sneak sleeping on the floor next to it. I think I was really afraid as coming across as ungrateful. My father came from a third world country, so the "gratefullness issue" was address frequently by my mom because "I don't have it even half as bad as what my father had to endure. And she was probably right. But it just silenced me ultimately, didn't put things into a mature context for me. I just learned that I can't complain about anything ever. Anyway, that trend didn't really change when I grew older. grade 9-10 I was sleeping on the living room couch so my sister could have privacy and a bedroom to exist in for herself - which I realize is important for an individual so I encouraged her to have the bedroom. Although I figured my parents expected me to do this for my sister regardless. I was okay with making sacrfices for those I love, it was instilled in me from a very very young age.
I do feel like my father took advantage of me in the form of labour as well, having to do custodial work with my father from 10pm to 3am, at two highschools I believe he was contracted, at that young age I honestly enjoyed just spending time with my father I think, working alongside him. When I was in grade 2 and 3 I had garbage bag duty for all the students bathrooms, and I remember loving snapping the bags open by rushing air into the bag and making it blow up like a baloon. I remember the scary unlit shadowy hallways that I couldn't perceive the ends of. No bodies to see, it felt eerie but exciting in a way - like it was a whole different world.
School was a different experience for me. It was very stressful, my parents had to move a few times a year because they would dodge rent or just generally be selfish with their dual income. They loved to party hard on the weekends. I remember wondering why my father did this to himself all the time. Hoping that we could spend quality time on a saturday, but he wouldnt get out of bed until just before dinner. I didn't really understand hangovers or alcoholism and how it meant our plans would get cancelled. I think I remember trying to wrap my head around willful self-poisoning for entertainment and how could that be more enjoyable then spending time with your son? I couldn't tell my mother why I was so sad about it. Why I didn't want to move again and again and again. Why I found it so difficult to make new friends everytime I had to switch schools. Why I couldn't just do one single full school year with one class of students. It was so hard and at the time, I didn't know anything different. It was so hard to make friends and I think it created this approach to making a "new family" of friends when I became a teenager and young adult.
I remember always wanting to be a "good kid". The "best kid" for my parents. I feel like my parents attached this moniker to me that made things harder for me to mature into a rounded adult later in life. My parents always flaunted me as this point of accomplishment, the accomplishment that I was "so extremely well behaved". I would strive to be super polite, and a good host, try to help out when my parents had their friends over, literally fill their cups when the opportunity presented themselves. I think I did this because I must have made the conclusion that if I was quiet, super polite, helpful and useful then I had value. That I could be loved. That I could earn this love from my parents through acts of service.
I remember feeling like my sister and I had extremely different experiences growing up. When my parents were at work I took care of her, cleaned and cooked. one time my sister told my mom to eff off when she was 5 and I was 8. My mind was blown. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she had the bravery and courage to defy my mother. Looking back, my sister was just mirroring the language she learned from my parents from whenever they fought. I remembering seriously worrying and getting scared that my father was going to belt her, or use the coat hanger, which was his preference with me. I feel like my mom was always checked out and I'm hurt that she allowed my father to take his rage out on me. That my mom could care less about me being beat, but never my sibling. It was very confusing and difficult for me to process. Not that I really processed it much as a kid. I honestly just wanted to be loved and be the best child possible. Honestly though, 'm seriously so glad that my sister was spared all of that complete non-sense. I don't wish that on anyone in the world. There were some punishments where he would walk in and tell me to pull my pants down without explanation. I have memories of tearing up and saying I didn't know why this was happening, asking what I did wrong and he would just remind me that if I resisted then I would get it worse and to hurry up and get ready. My father has since apologized. I think it is how he was raised. I didn't know what to say in response, but I told him I loved him and it's in the past. But I don't know if I was being honest when I said that. My mother would still gaslight me to this day if any of this became topic of discussion, not that I'm guessing. A year ago she told me that much of my pained memories were false and this never happened. My father on the other hand typically stays pensive and unchallenging.
It seems so damned crazy writing all of this out, it feels like a heartbreaking novel and not my life at all. But it was and is my life. I have difficulties opening up and expressing my feelings and advocating for myself when the moments are true and appropriate to do so. I know it's the healthier way to communicate, but I was literally taught to stay quiet and be useful. Fast forward 20-25 years and I'm going to be 35 and I feel like just ending it all. Every year my birthday passes and I'll get a text from my family happy birthday. But they know I'm in a difficult place, they know I miss them, they know I love them and forgive them, I try the high road whenever I can but I just don't see the point anymore. they won't celebrate my life and existence, but they'll throw family gatherings for each other, birthdays, christmas, fathers day and mothers day.
On that note, another mother's day has recently passed and my mother never invited me over, I texted my father three weeks in advance in hopes of securing a time to come over and celebrate my mothers life with my family as a family. I felt particularly stung this mother's day when they celebrated and didn't text or call to invite me over. I live in the same small town so it's easy to hop over. I literally live three blocks away.
Anyway, my mother was diagnosed with cancer over christmas this year and I have been worrying for my mother ever since and thinking about my life with her and the mortal coil and the finite mount of time I may have with her. I feel like there is a large empty part in my heart that wishes my mother and I could go grab a coffee together. She can show me her ipad app art that she has been really excited about for a couple years now. She loves showing off her digital art and I love seeing her joy and how proud she is about her art. I just don't know why she couldn't feel the same for me, her only son. Maybe I'm just a her dissapointment.
I dropped out of highschool and left the family home when I was 16. I just couldn't work for my dad during the night AND go to highschool AND socialize. Something had to give. Unfortunately it was highschool and my parents didn't really care about that at all. They were just... fine with it. they supported my sister through college and she was fortunately able to graduate with a veterinary degree of sorts. she still lives with them now as she pays off her student debt, but I left and travelled and worked on music for over a decade so I admit that I was entirely out of the family picture for some time. But as I get older, not wanting to repeat the mistakes of my parents I fear that that is precisely what's been creeping up in my life.
five years ago I met the absolute most wonderful human being and I am so lucky to have my partner in my life. She and I are engaged now and set to be married. I hoped that the news would overwhelm my parents with excitement and joy. Maybe a facebook post about their son, share some family pictures or something. But they did nothing at all. I think they showed off pictures of the trip to Mexico that week instead.
I just don't really understand how I'm this unworthy of their love and unfortunately now I'm realizing that illusion that I am unworthy has infected my relationship with my fiance. I love her so much but when I can't fix everything in her life I feel like I am the failure and the guilt overhelms me so much and the guilt is such a strong motivator for me, and it usually motivates me into becoming the biggest doormat in the world. I've never worked harder for a relationship or invested this much energy. I feel she deserves it. But I don't advocate for myself. So I build up resentment. Like I clean the house constantly and work and help bail out of her bad spending habits and cover her rent without question and this and that. To be clear, she doesn't take advantage of me and that's not how I feel about it. But I do let this annoyance build up inside of me because I don't know how to communicate my feelings in a healthy way. I'm scared I'll lose the person if I speak up, or I'll be gaslit. Again, that's not my partner that gaslights. That's just generally how I feel I'll be treated if I open up with people. It all goes back to my childhood. It's affected every friendship and work relationship I've had since.
When I was 20-ish, 15 years years ago I did the classic, "seek the relationship that most comfortably fits into the patterns you experienced with your parents". And so I trapped myself in a horrific and extremely damaging relationship with a girl I'll call K. She has undiagnosed bipolaBPD, she would never seek help but self-medicate. She ended up in the hospital maybe four times for self-harming and this where she was considered to have these diseases by a few doctors on different occasions. Anway, it turned into a relationship of abuse and it wasn't exactly new territory for me. I was ashamed in that 8 year relationship. I wanted out so bad, but she would threaten to unalive everytime I tried to get away. Of course, some weeks would go by and i would get my hair pulled out of my scalp, a knife waving in the air in front of my face, spat in the face, kicked, punched, bit, a pot of freshly boiled ramen soup thrown in my face and eyes. What's worse is that I seeked police intervention on multiple occasions. Every single time the police visited, they talked me out of pressing charges, asking me " well if she doesn't have any place to go, then do you have a place you can stay at, or the shelter?". twice they talked me out of a restraining order, that legal proceedings would take forever. Adn de-escalting me from wanting to take measures to ensure my safety because she may end up on the street as a result. To this day, I absolutely wish I advocated for myself here and pushed for a restraining order. I'm so mad at myself for not doing so.
Unfortunately, fast forward a couple years into that relationship and one evening everything would finally hit the fan. I told her to never touch me again and I absolutely meant it. she had just yanked out the largest chunk of my hair to date, to the point where my scalp was bleeding and I could even see epidermal matter still attached to the folicle ends that were in her clenched fingers. My head bled a bit and I pushed her off of me. Telling her that I needed to leave, that I was walking to my secure jam space just a 10 minute walk away. It had a leather couch in a cold concrete basement, but hey at least I would be safe for the night and I could play my drums and try and blow off this anxiety and fear in a way that was safe albeit very noisy.
She hated that I wanted to leave and convinced herself I would never return. To be fair, that was the energy I had. I never wanted to see her face again and have her name on my lips after that night. So her tactic was simple, to threaten me with calling the cops and tell them that I violently pushed her. I called her bluff and said "go ahead and I will just tell them everything you've done - yet again. All I am doing is going to the space to sleep, I said, maybe play drums." She called the cops and told them she was pushed into a wall, and she felt very unsafe. Which yes, I did push her off me when she attacked me. In the past, I tried various tactics, to run away didn't work, she just always chased me down. Or sometimes I would just sit there while she was violent against me and I just "dissapeared" kind of like how I would when my dad used his coat hanger. This time, I just pushed her off of me, I was done with the relationship at that point and we both knew it. Anyway, she called the police, they arrived and when questioned I told them that I pushed her off of me in self-defence. I was drinking that night and it didn't help my case as I was arrested without question that evening and I was charged on the spot without question with domestic assault. It devasted me. I asked the police how this could happen lawfully. That she is an abuser and there is a history of this multiple times. That I've requested a restraining order. They explained that in quebec the laws are a little different and in the case domestic cases, if there is a male aggressor against a female, then the male is automatically charged to the fullest extent. I was absolutelyu devasted by this. I can't tell you the amount of fear and anger I felt in that jail cell that night.
I feel so incredibly betrayed by the justice system, keep in mind, this is law that from what I understand is only in Quebec, I was there for music at the time with an old friend whom I am no longer in contact with. I don't think the rest of the country operates under law in this way. Now I appreciate that they are vigilant about woman abuse victims, but the law shouldn't be this absurdly biased. It just doesnt feel just and fair to me. Covert abusers shouldn't be able to take advantage of the justice system in this way, but it happens.
It was an awful experience, I was homeless for a couple months afterward, not allowed to retrieve my belongings, so I lost all of my life "crap" that I had built up, years of hardwork and investment. I mention this because I realize later in life that I have intense collecting behaviour. maybe as a self-soothing behaviour. But I love building up collections of my hobby stuff as I have many and I feel they keep me regulated and it's a form of therapy for me. In any case, I lost everything when I left that whole situation. It sucks, although ultimately it's clearly best that I got out of that dreadful circumstance. I flew across the country to my hometown and to be closer to my family and old friends from highschool. It's quite a small town mind you.
Unfortunately, my classic tendency to hide and not advocate for myself created an opportunity for my abusive ex. A year following those events, despite me assuring her that I had to block her because I flew away to start a new life provinces away. That I wished her the best. That I even promised I would never tell a soul what she did to me. Not to mention that unfortunately we live in a society where nobody really has an ounce of sympathy for a male abuse victim. I had every intention to keep that promise, but she couldn't trust me ultimately. I think her logic was maybe to just beat her ex to "the punch". Kill or be killed or something like that. I don't live my life like that so I don't really know what her plan was. But she made a bunch of posts on various social media platforms for all of our mutual friends, music friends, coworkers etc. that the relationship was over and she was free. That she got out of a cycle of abuse and she was ready to start a new chapter of her life. She never used my name, just that she was glad she got away from her toxic and abusive ex once and for all.
It was exactly like that night a year prior, she threatened me with this outcome she could design for me, and I called her on her bluff by saying I was still going to block her and I can't control what she does with her life or how she conducts herself, but that I was out and to never contact me ever again. She made me regret that decision.
The posts she made that day got so many likes and support from so many of our mutual friends, even musician mates that were closer to me than her, and it absolutely destroyed me, not just internally but socially. I no longer make music anymore and it hurts to go outside into the world because it feels like everybody sees me as this monster. And still I don't have a voice to inform anyone otherwise - except my family and my fiance. I have no friends anymore. They all left my life with the belief that I did all of these horrible and awful things.
I just don't trust people anymore as a result and it's just caused me to become extremely bitter and depressed. I ruminate on the past, maybe in attempts to fix the past so I can move on. So I could do better, so I don't have to punish myself for my mistakes in the past. But it just reopens every emotional wound I have and they never get a chance to heal. That was maybe 7 years ago now and I'm still replaying these events in my head every single morning for about 1 - 2 hrs. Then I go completely numb for the majority of the rest of the day, shallow breathing, and the mildest sadness that mascarades as fatigue and disinterest.
There are some days where I seriously fear for the future and I just feel like every cruel soul will inherit this earth and that's the future, they built this world of suffering and they deserve to inherit it. Their toxic flag staked so deep into the earth in reclamation. The future isn't holding any seats for people like us. I'm so heartbroken and defeated. I feel like white-wolfing my fiance because she deserves better than this traumatized person that hides from the world. I feel like giving her my collection of collections so she can sell it all off and pay off her 10k of credit debt, then with this act of kindness I can go out not feeling like a guilt-ridden defeated loser. And leave on a high note.
When I'm alone, I get trapped in these ruminating cycles and it's the angriest I ever get. It's reached the point where I feel like I am actually reliving all this past trauma every morning and I can't do it anymore. I just feel like I am so at the end of whatever this ride was.
I don't have any friends anymore and everyone but my fiance thinks I am a monster and it's just unbearable.
I just don't even know. I am even afraid that someone will read this post and suss through all of this and make the connection. Then I'll get another new email or random throwaway account with an insta message that says "I told you you would never be able to get over me. You can move on, but you will never be able to erase the past. Never truly. You know where to find me."
It's haunting and it's poisonous. I just feel haunted and poisoned and I don't know if there is a snake oil potent enough or antitode true enough to get me back to the generous, lighthearted, energetic kid I once was.
To whoever was willing to read through all of this, thank you for hearing me out. I don't know what advice I am even asking for here. I'm hoping just speaking this out into the world in some way can alleviate this misery. I don't know.
2024.05.14 08:31 Different_Start4176 I believe someone I know to be possessed and has been for a long time. I just need to know for certain that I'm correct, and if I am what to do next.
I was going to give details without saying that the person I'm speaking of is my husband, but there's just too many things where you (the audience) need to know that he's my (now) husband; and if you think I'm crazy that's fine. I don't give a shit what you think. I already wrestle with myself about my beliefs and my belief in myself. I'm what you call a sensitive. A "Paranormal Sensitive" - I'll leave the link to the article that explains my abilities and what I do at the end. Now before I start, don't take anything I say the wrong way ok? I know my husband isn't the only person who's had a hard life alright? I too have had a rough life starting from my growing up. I'm not stupid....
So let's get started; as I said, my husband hasn't had the easiest life. Ever since he was young, he was made to feel that he was weird or abnormal. He never understood why, but kids, teachers, and even his parents treated him differently than they treated other people. He has an older brother whom is the favorite, for only God knows why. It's not like he'd done anything, from what I know, is unusual. He was a freakin kid!! His parents treated him like he was weird, favorited his older brother, kids picked on him at school, teachers told him and treated him like he was weird and treated him differently than the other students in his classes. So he's been dealing with shit since he was young.
He told me that at eight years old he rejected God and cast Him from his life. I'm assuming and came to the conclusion that he did this at this age because, on top of not having friends, being picked on by not only his peers and other adults, his parents also got divorced. Jumping years later, he's in his late twenties, when he went to prison for - none of your business - and for his safety a few gang members took him under their wing so to speak and he got their name/symbol tattooed on him. Well... the symbol he used to let people know he was protected by them was the star of David. Now you may ask "star of David? Isn't that a good thing?" No. It's not.... I'll put this link below as well, but "The “Star of David” is a seal for the Jewish people. It is not a religious symbol for Judaism, nor should it be. The hexagram has in the west, from biblical times up through the enlightenment, been associated with witchcraft, the occult, and demonology. In most ancient occult usages the hexagram was seen as a portal for dark spirits, energy, or demons. It could only be cast by someone who had given themselves over to darkness/dark forces." And it goes into more detail but this is really all you need to know for my story and what I needed to know to understand.
Another jump to after meeting me and us getting married. For our wedding, we lived in down south, but all of our family was up in northern midwest states. So we rented a mansion on AirBNB and had a few family members and a couple friends stay with us while we were there for a week before our wedding. We wanted to get everything set up and be completely ready before wedding day!! Two nights before the wedding, he, his brother, his sister-in-law, and myself all had drinks and we got a little wasted. Well-deserved with all the work we had been doing to get "wedding ready". So, when he and I were alone, we were out on the balcony and we were talking about "them". He said he wanted to go out to the forest and purge them so he'd be "clean" for the marriage and idk. I honestly don't remember what all he said. He begged me to go with him but it was dark and creepy and I just didn't like the vibe/feeling I was getting from looking out there at the tree-line. So after maybe ten minutes of begging me to go with him and me saying no, he got irritated and went downstairs and I watched as he walked across the land until I couldn't see him anymore, but he wasn't out there for very long, like maybe five minutes, before I saw him walking back. Everything about that night after that is a blur. I don't remember asking him what happened and if I did, I don't remember what he said. I just remember waking up that next morning.
Ironically, I only just learned about the real story behind the star of David for his tattoo a couple nights ago when we were watching a YouTube video and a star popped up and someone thought it was the star of David or a pentagram. We've known each other ten years. It was neither a pentagram nor the star of David, but somehow his tattoo came up in conversation and he started talking about what I'd posted above about the demonology part of it and I had no clue what he was talking about. He looked at me in utter shock and couldn't believe that I didn't know it had a different meaning than what I'd thought; along with most the rest of the world. He tried to tell me, but then started acting weird as he was looking it up to show me what he was talking about. So while I started reading it, he was still talking about how he couldn't believe I still didn't know or how I never knew the story behind it and I kept answering him by saying "how would I?" or "why would I? Why would I know to look it up? I had no reason to" and then he got mad because I wasn't reading it and he's like "I'm trying to tell you!" Now the wedding night also comes up and I try to tell him about when he went into the darkness and tried to get to the treeline to purge them for me; for us. He looked at me and laughed and called me crazy. He doesn't remember this. He told me "I stayed with you on the balcony". When I tried to tell him "no. I literally watched you, anxious and terrified af, walk down and across the lawn to where I couldn't see anymore" and he just kept repeating "I was with you" or "I stayed with you". Now this was just two nights ago.
Also when they come forward (the entities I believe who are possessing him, yes I believe there are more than one; 3 to be exact), his physical features change. Literally! His eyes change and his facial features along with his expressions change. EXPLAIN THAT TO ME!! Tell me how this happens other than the possibility of possession. I know what I see! It's not just one time... it's every time I'm talking to them.
I don't explain things very well so I'm sorry that this is probably all over the place. Just looking for answers and looking for someone that can help me with what I can do next. I'm not finding what I need through the internet.
Links I said I'd post:
https://www.detroitparanormalexpeditions.com/single-post/2018/01/13/being-a-sensitive-in-the-paranormal-world
https://www.quora.com/Why-is-the-Star-of-David-considered-evil
submitted by Different_Start4176 to ParanormalReddit [link] [comments]
So let's get started; as I said, my husband hasn't had the easiest life. Ever since he was young, he was made to feel that he was weird or abnormal. He never understood why, but kids, teachers, and even his parents treated him differently than they treated other people. He has an older brother whom is the favorite, for only God knows why. It's not like he'd done anything, from what I know, is unusual. He was a freakin kid!! His parents treated him like he was weird, favorited his older brother, kids picked on him at school, teachers told him and treated him like he was weird and treated him differently than the other students in his classes. So he's been dealing with shit since he was young.
He told me that at eight years old he rejected God and cast Him from his life. I'm assuming and came to the conclusion that he did this at this age because, on top of not having friends, being picked on by not only his peers and other adults, his parents also got divorced. Jumping years later, he's in his late twenties, when he went to prison for - none of your business - and for his safety a few gang members took him under their wing so to speak and he got their name/symbol tattooed on him. Well... the symbol he used to let people know he was protected by them was the star of David. Now you may ask "star of David? Isn't that a good thing?" No. It's not.... I'll put this link below as well, but "The “Star of David” is a seal for the Jewish people. It is not a religious symbol for Judaism, nor should it be. The hexagram has in the west, from biblical times up through the enlightenment, been associated with witchcraft, the occult, and demonology. In most ancient occult usages the hexagram was seen as a portal for dark spirits, energy, or demons. It could only be cast by someone who had given themselves over to darkness/dark forces." And it goes into more detail but this is really all you need to know for my story and what I needed to know to understand.
Another jump to after meeting me and us getting married. For our wedding, we lived in down south, but all of our family was up in northern midwest states. So we rented a mansion on AirBNB and had a few family members and a couple friends stay with us while we were there for a week before our wedding. We wanted to get everything set up and be completely ready before wedding day!! Two nights before the wedding, he, his brother, his sister-in-law, and myself all had drinks and we got a little wasted. Well-deserved with all the work we had been doing to get "wedding ready". So, when he and I were alone, we were out on the balcony and we were talking about "them". He said he wanted to go out to the forest and purge them so he'd be "clean" for the marriage and idk. I honestly don't remember what all he said. He begged me to go with him but it was dark and creepy and I just didn't like the vibe/feeling I was getting from looking out there at the tree-line. So after maybe ten minutes of begging me to go with him and me saying no, he got irritated and went downstairs and I watched as he walked across the land until I couldn't see him anymore, but he wasn't out there for very long, like maybe five minutes, before I saw him walking back. Everything about that night after that is a blur. I don't remember asking him what happened and if I did, I don't remember what he said. I just remember waking up that next morning.
Ironically, I only just learned about the real story behind the star of David for his tattoo a couple nights ago when we were watching a YouTube video and a star popped up and someone thought it was the star of David or a pentagram. We've known each other ten years. It was neither a pentagram nor the star of David, but somehow his tattoo came up in conversation and he started talking about what I'd posted above about the demonology part of it and I had no clue what he was talking about. He looked at me in utter shock and couldn't believe that I didn't know it had a different meaning than what I'd thought; along with most the rest of the world. He tried to tell me, but then started acting weird as he was looking it up to show me what he was talking about. So while I started reading it, he was still talking about how he couldn't believe I still didn't know or how I never knew the story behind it and I kept answering him by saying "how would I?" or "why would I? Why would I know to look it up? I had no reason to" and then he got mad because I wasn't reading it and he's like "I'm trying to tell you!" Now the wedding night also comes up and I try to tell him about when he went into the darkness and tried to get to the treeline to purge them for me; for us. He looked at me and laughed and called me crazy. He doesn't remember this. He told me "I stayed with you on the balcony". When I tried to tell him "no. I literally watched you, anxious and terrified af, walk down and across the lawn to where I couldn't see anymore" and he just kept repeating "I was with you" or "I stayed with you". Now this was just two nights ago.
Also when they come forward (the entities I believe who are possessing him, yes I believe there are more than one; 3 to be exact), his physical features change. Literally! His eyes change and his facial features along with his expressions change. EXPLAIN THAT TO ME!! Tell me how this happens other than the possibility of possession. I know what I see! It's not just one time... it's every time I'm talking to them.
I don't explain things very well so I'm sorry that this is probably all over the place. Just looking for answers and looking for someone that can help me with what I can do next. I'm not finding what I need through the internet.
Links I said I'd post:
https://www.detroitparanormalexpeditions.com/single-post/2018/01/13/being-a-sensitive-in-the-paranormal-world
https://www.quora.com/Why-is-the-Star-of-David-considered-evil
2024.05.14 08:29 Friendly_Sherbert_43 Help deciding on an e-bike that fits my needs
Hi! I live full time in a RV. I’m looking to purchase an e-bike, since my RV is just too big to drive around everywhere haha.
I have an 90lbs pitbull, and I want to tow him around in a bike trailer behind the e-bike. So the bike must be powerful enough to help me do that, even uphill sometimes.
I’m limited on space so I need a bike that can fold to a compact size. We are traveling around to different national parks, so I need a bike that is equipped with different speeds to manage sometimes rougher terrain.
I want to take advantage of the pedal assist function so I can go father and faster then walking. Maybe 60mi range, but the higher the range the better, I think.
I’m also broke, so I’m either going to be buying an e-bike used on Facebook marketplace, or I find a model that’s under $1000.
I would really appreciate: • bike model recommendations • what to look out for when purchasing a used e-bike, to avoid scams • any other information that would be useful to somebody who has no idea about bikes or e-bikes
TYIA!
submitted by Friendly_Sherbert_43 to ebikes [link] [comments]
I have an 90lbs pitbull, and I want to tow him around in a bike trailer behind the e-bike. So the bike must be powerful enough to help me do that, even uphill sometimes.
I’m limited on space so I need a bike that can fold to a compact size. We are traveling around to different national parks, so I need a bike that is equipped with different speeds to manage sometimes rougher terrain.
I want to take advantage of the pedal assist function so I can go father and faster then walking. Maybe 60mi range, but the higher the range the better, I think.
I’m also broke, so I’m either going to be buying an e-bike used on Facebook marketplace, or I find a model that’s under $1000.
I would really appreciate: • bike model recommendations • what to look out for when purchasing a used e-bike, to avoid scams • any other information that would be useful to somebody who has no idea about bikes or e-bikes
TYIA!
2024.05.14 08:29 Injoemomma A lil help please
 | Enclosure is temporary. I am going to buy a big one… Long story short. I was lied to about how big the enclosure should be. Everything in enclosure is secure. submitted by Injoemomma to tokaygeckos [link] [comments] I notice that some people have balls underneath the substrate. What is that for and do I need that? I can always add that. Any ideas of how I should add tunnels so he can feel safe? I was thinking of glueing a pvc pipe to the bridge towards the top of the enclosure. What glue should I use? Any idea on how to get stool checked for salmonella? I bought mine from a pet store and I don’t know if it is captive bred or wild caught. I called my vet but they only deal with cats and dogs. Thank you!! |