Bhabi bete ki suhagraat

Man nowadays people just want to be "ese jawab deti/deta hun ki dekhna abhi sabki totte udd jayenge aur log bolenge ki itne chote baat se itna bada jawaab de diya" aur bc audience bhi chutiye..... ese types ke jawab ko hi highlight karte hain joh uss tone meh di jaati hain no matter if it makes sense or not. Mazaak udaakar jawab dena, pretend to be badass banke jawaab dena.
Normal satiiq jawaab toh dena hi naa hai aaj kal ke logo ne. I am not talking about the upper humans who doing interviews or seek attention by these shit acts. Aaj kal ke haarrr average social media user harr ghar ki kahaani aur harr parivaar ke genz sab ke sab ese hi hain. I have experienced it.
Bhai meri maa esi hai. Meh aur kya bataun. Aur woh toh social media bhi use nahi karti..... unki gene hi wesi hai. And woh bhi esa jawaab nahi deti joh sach meh log ke reaction "waah kya bola hai" wese rahe. Ese jawaab joki poore hypocritical ho. Aur wahi gandi se aadat mujhme aayi hai jiske wajah se meh socially kisi se bhi baat karne ko zyada darta hun. 4 saal se yeh gene ko hatane ki soch rha hun naa jaane kya kya karke. Lekin last meh mazaak sabke saamne mera hi banta hai agar meh bolna shuru karta hun toh. I am a hypocrite by my gene not by my character. And my whole family is fucking hypocrite. I dont know what people will think about me after reading this. Like "yeh toh apni hi family ki beizzatti kar raha hai toh isse bada chutiya aur neech kon hoga" then go ahead. Isi darr se meri maa ki buraai yaa asliyat kisi se bol nahi paata. Jitna jhelta hun meh unko kya kya sunta hun meh unse mere papa ke jaane baad woh sirf mujhe hi pata hai. Naa khana acha banati naa kaam sahi se karti naa cleanliness naa koi common sense naaa koi sportsmanship ki kahin galati hai toh hai ya kahin haar gaye toh haar gaye. Harr baat par arguement taane aur torchur. And nothing fucking else. Kabhi bhi kisi bhi maa ko suna hai ki "tu mare ya jiye ek hi baat hai re" apne bete ko bolte hue. Lekin meh suna bhi hun aur jhela bhi hun. Isiliye aaj meri maa mere saath rehte hue bhi. Apna khana khud banata hun. Apne khaaye hue jhoote bartan khud maajta hun aur apne kaam khud karne ki harr koshish karta hun taaki mujhe kisi par bhi koi bhi kaam par nirbhar naa hona pade. Kismat waale ko jin jin ko achi maa mili hai joh yeh sab harkatein nahi karti hai aur understandable aur loving hai. Sach bolun toh mere papa bhi meri maa se pareshaan the. Aur wahi akele the jiske wajah se control bhi rehti thi mummy...... papa se gaali khaa khaake. Lekin abb. I can't abuse her nor lift any hand on her. My mom is so salty that even after loosing any arguent. She comes to beat me with any random thing or say very shit lines like the above she said to me.

Context:- Mera mains chuda (32k rank) Adv k liye non serious hu, kyuki cse milne ki aukaat ni
Lekin maa k chehre pr khushi dikhi jb mere board k result ki wajah se mera naam local newspaper mai aya
Proud bete waali feeling acchi to h bc no doubt

I started exercising around a week ago and also dieting so today my mom and sister were having dinner. Now I was sitting there watching tv and I felt super hungry but I couldn't eat so when they both finished the food my sister left a roti she was not eating it and my mom offered me. I told her I'm on diet and she said koi baat nhi ek roti se kuch nhi hoga I was also hungry so I agreed and mummy mujhe vo roti me sabzi roll krke de hi as I told her ki mujhe kitni zyada bhookh lagi hai and she was like mujhe pta hai mere bete ko kitni bhookh lagti hai maa hoon teri at that very moment I cried don't know why but apne aap Mera mood bhi kharab nhi tha kuch bhi nhi bas I cried. Phir meri behen bhi mujhe chidhane lagi but kya karu control hi nhi ho rahe the aansu. I felt like mummy ne kitni jaldi pehchan liya ki mujhe bhookh lagi hogi i feel blessed mujhe aisi mummy mili hai. Other people eat food to live but I'm one of those persons who live for food aur ye dieting bohot mushkil hai aaj rone ke baad lga kuch bhi ho maa jaisa koi nhi hota na kabhi tha na kabhi hoga.
Edit: To so my friend who are suggesting me to not starving but I eat like an elephant that's why I was feeling hungry it'll take time but I'll learn and I'm managing my nutrients so in evening and I'm overweight I've a bmi of 33 so I've to reduce my food intake and sugar that why I was feeling super hungry.

Got 98.17 percentile in Jee mains Got 95+ in physics and maths boards Got 90+ in Comp and English boards Got 68 in chemistry boards, and my mom cried. "society me kya mu dikhaingi?" "Sabh kuch toh lake diya kuch kami chodi toh bol" "Kisaan ke bete zyada marks le aate hein" "Yeh 68 marks ka thappa humasha rahega teri zindagi mein"
Am I bad son for thinking its not that big of a deal? I hate my mom rn. ltni mehnat ki, Jee me achhi percentile Overall good board marks. Ek subject weak reh gaya and shes been crying since yesterday nonstop. Any relative calls her and she starts saying "sabh khatam hogaya, kuch nahi bhacha", "yeh mereko jhoot bolta raha, nahi padai ki isne bilkul"
I genuinely don't know what to do guys. I dont even want to give advanced or study for even the 2 weeks that are left
Bhaad me Jaye sabh kuch
Edit: thank you all, even though my mom hasn't calmed down a lot, its fine. I'll still give advanced and hopefully kuch nikal jaye

Got 98.17 percentile in Jee mains Got 95+ in physics and maths boards Got 90+ in Comp and English boards
Got 68 in chemistry boards, and my mom cried. "society me kya mu dikhaingi?" "Sabh kuch toh lake diya kuch kami chodi toh bol" "Kisaan ke bete zyada marks le aate hein" "Yeh 68 marks ka thappa humasha rahega teri zindagi mein"
Am I bad son for thinking its not that big of a deal? I hate my mom rn. Itni mehnat ki, Jee me achhi percentile, overall good board marks. Ek subject weak reh gaya and shes been crying since yesterday nonstop. Any relative calls her and she starts saying "sabh khatam hogaya, kuch nahi bhacha", "yeh mereko jhoot bolta raha, nahi padai ki isne bilkul"
I genuinely don't know what to do guys. I dont even want to give advanced or study for even the 2 weeks that are left
Bhaad me Jaye sabh kuch

kal boards result aya, aur mera 82% bana, main bohut khush tha kyuki mera chemistry exam ke 2 din pehle severe fever ho gaya kuch nahi padha tha, maine mummy ko 100 bar tak sorry bola ki mujhe acha nahi hua, main akele akele rone laga ki ab mera kya hoga, but somehow chemistry thik ho gayi...
kal tak meri mummy khush thi ki haa mere bete ke ache number aaye hain, lekin aaj ek teacher ne meri mummy ko bola ki apke ladke ka naam toh school topper list main nahi hai, aur mera ek friend tha joh class I guess 8th se allen mein hai, woh topper ban gaya, toh meri mummy ne ekbar bhi nahi socha ki maine kis circumstances mein exam diya tha, main bohut jyada depression main tha during the boards, mummy ne meri mehnat ek baar bhi consider nahi kiya aur mujhe bas suna rahi hai, sochta hu kyu hi maine science li thi, karna hi nahi chahiye tha kuch bhi.....

Hi I am a 2024 Aspirant, Abhi advanced ki tyaari Kar raha hu , kuch samjh nahi aa raha hai parents ki expectations ke bhoj se dab raha hu, woh kabhi pressurise nahi karte but mai Unki aankhe padh leta hu woh bohot expect karte hai mujhse, Unko mains mei disappoint kar chuka aur ab aur nahi karna chahta, subah uthne ke mann ni karta aur na hi padhne karne ka relax karna chahta hu but option nahi hai , koi friends nahi hai mere , socially itna weak hogaya hu kisi se baat nahi kar pata, jab bhi parents se baat karta hu yehi kehte hai that I can do it Kaash kabhi aaise kehe dete agar tumh se nahi bhi hoga koi baat nahi , sab log mujhe judge karte hai, mere dad ke dost ke bete li 99.8 aayi hai and unhe lagta hai mai kyu nahi la pata. Saara din apne aap ko prove karne mei jaata hai ki I am not a worthless. Mujhe nahi karna advanced mujhe toh engineering bhi nahi karni Lekin kya karu option nahi hai

Asking for someone.
23(M). My parents ignore me all the time. I belong to middleclass family. Amma ne bachpan se khayal rakha ke kuch ho na jae. Khayal aesa ke aj tak ghar se bahir ni jane dete na school/college time jane diya. Koi khelna waghera ni. No friends at all. School ka 1 dost hai jis se akhri baar 2021 mein baat hui thi. Ab meri bhi 1 adaat bana di hai akela rehne ki. pura din room mein hota hun. Jis se health kafi kharab kardi hai mene. Ghar wale koi baat ni karte mere se unko bas dusron ke bachon ki tareefein karni hain. Pehle kehte thy tum parhai karo ab jab parh raha hun to kehte hain falaan ka beta kama raha hai,falaan online earning kar raha hai aur tum ghar pe bethe ho. Jab kehta hun mein kuch kaam karta hun to kehte hain ni tum parhai karo. Abba is retired and in early 50s woh bhi ghar pe hote hain sara din. Bas kabhi market jana hua to chale jate hain. Kuch din pehle Abba ke 1 janne wale ke bete ne CSS qualify kiya ab sara din yahi Usne CSS karliya tum ne kuch ni kiya abi tak. Mein Zinda to hun but laash jesa.
Kafi din baad koi 1,2 baatein karlete hain warna sara din gossips aur tension dena unka kaam hai. Mera Damagh phat raha hota hai room mein rehte rehte. Kese handle kiya jae es situation ko?

When I cleared foundation in nov 22 , u thought anshul sir as some sort of god or smtg but now after failing nov 23 i have everyone hating him, me too i too hated him ( i stll am maybe) but the point is this is my 2nd attempt I've studied from a various number of teachers some teach some concepts fine , some make us do questions more bla bla.
Ab sochta hu kya galti thi anshul sir ki har kiai ko blame karne laga hu 1.5 saal hogya hai course ni complete kar pa raha hu Last paper me iska darr sata raha hai ki agle 3 mahine meri laparwahi pe jaenge, ye false hope leke bhi darr lagta sabki "beta hojaega tera" par bete ka to course hi ni complete hua 10 log se 10 tarah ki guidance le chuka kya karu kaha jau samjh sa na aarha.
Ab bas I've thought coaching se to na hua ca inter mera ab self study hi karunga , also share your opinions

I was requested to make a separate post for this. Recently, we have observed a lot of people falling for scams which have similar pattern. On noticing this, I created an alert message and forwarded that to my contacts and groups. Even if this message saves one person from a scam, it is worth it IMO. Below is the message. Please feel free to forward, specially to groups with senior citizens who tend to fall for this comparatively easily. This is intentionally in hinglish for better reach. Thanks,
Dear Friends,
Aaj kal kuch bohot common aur dangerous online scams chal rahe hain jiske liye sabko satark karna zaroori hai. In scams se savdhaan rahen or doosron ko bhi savdhaan karen.

1. Telegram scam: Is scam me aapko whatsapp ya doosre social media platforms par kuch log contact karenge. Yeh appko ek scheme bataenge jisme aapko kuch videos or links ko like karna hai jiske badle aapko woh paise denge. Start me woh aapka wishwas jitne ke liye kuch paise denge bhi. Kuch din baad woh aapko ek telegram group join karne ko kahenge jisme aapko 5x ya 10x returns ka wada karenge. Yeh fraud hai. Aapke paise wapas karne ke liye woh aapse aur paise mangege aur aapka paisa kabhi wapas nahin hoga. Savdhaan rahen.
2. DHL/Courier scam: Is scam me aapko koi call karega aur khud ko DHL/Courier company ka employee batayega. Is scam ke chances zyada hain agar aapne recently courier service use ki hai. Woh kahenge ke aapke parcel me kuch illegal cheez mili hai aur aapko police se contact karna hai. Phir woh call kisi aur ko transfer karega jo khud ko police officer batayega. Yeh aapse outside settlement karne ki koshish karenge. Yeh fraud hai. Agar aapne koi parcel bheja hai, to directly courier company ki website pe yah official phone number per contact karke enquiry kijiye.
3. MurdeRape charges scam: Is scam me aapko koi call karega aur khud ko police officer batayega. Woh kahega ke aapka koi relative (generally beta, bhai wagera) rape ke charges me arrest hua hai. Aapko outside settlement karne ki koshish karega. Aapko convince karne ke liye woh aapke bete/bhai ka naam bhi batayega aur ho sakta hai ke address bhi. Yeh sab details ye log leaked data se collect karte hain. Yeh fraud hai.

Aapko aisa koi bhi call aaye to turant phone kaat dijiye. KOI bhi personal details share mat kijiye. Agar aapko shak hai to turant nazdiki police station ya cyber crime cell me personally contact kijiye.
Kuch baaten dhyan rakhen:

1. Koi bhi bank ya financial institute aap se kabhi koi OTP, password, PIN ya koi aur confidential information nahin poochta.
2. Kisi ke kehne par koi bhi app download na karen aur koi bhi link click na karen.
3. Kisi anjaan computer ya phone par apne kisi bhi financial ya koi aur accounts ka login na karen.

Savdhaan rahen. Janhit me jari.

My first post here, This will just be a rant,when i was in 10th standard,i had a keen interest in biology and I really like studying biology alot more than the other subjects present at the time being,which eventually led me to select pcb as the stream I could take. I was more on the artsy side as a child and everything I wanted to do was only that. There was an intense pressure by my family ki Lena hai to sirf science hi lesakte warna hamlog tujhe kuch karne nai denge aur tu gharpe nai rahega and whatsoever Papa ji pcs officer hai to inko lagta Inka beta genius hai,chutki me neet nikal lega 11th ki starting thi aur josh tha ki neet hi karlete hai (i never liked the profession to become a doctor,and I still don't want to be) I continuously conversated with my mother ki kaise mujhe doctor banne ka koi interest nai hai,and mai biology sirf uske keen interest me padhta,sort of uski research wagera karni agar usko pursue karna,there wasn't anything else I liked in science in the end,sapna nai tha to nai tha yar To bhi i tried my best and i was doing good in mocks and still in 11th and the starting of 12th i was doing fine,but ultimately I just started hating all of it,and nothing really made sense to me,one day I went to a hospital and saw doctors and everyone working and i instantly realised I don't want to be this,I can't do this and i never wished to Abtak aimlessly jaaraha tha and ab mujhe nai karna tha I started searching about design exams and usse related cheezein,as mujhe usme boht passionate feel hota tha and i told mom about it and she started to resent me Dad ko bataya to he started to verbally abuse me and said ki agar kuch aur karne ka socha bhi to gala kaat denge,and whatsoever Mummy boli bhatak raha hu,and kaise mai bas ek failure rehjaunga,I told her about UCEED,NID wagerah and how it is fine and mere interest ka hai
But as per mere papa ki ego hai,wo mujhe kuch aur nai karne denge Mummy peeche peeche to bolti thi ki jo karna hai Karo,but ultimately papa ke saamne she took his side and left me isolated and alone And now I'm here,giving my first attempt I got depressed and very very mentally tough in last year ke October,i left eating and sleeping ekdum Gym wagera jaata tha and padhta tha,dono chohr diya tha I lost 15 kilos of weight and my mother still didn't understand ki mai mentally sahi nai feel kar raha and i don't want to do this Mera baap to mere paer wagera pakadne laga hai neet karne ke liye,and told me ki 11-12th ke school ka hi syllabus aata,gand kyu phat rahi Teri saale Samjhane gaya to ignore kardiye,for more information dad doesn't live with us He comes here once a week as per his job Now he's retired and stuff so saara hukhm jhaad rahe hai and everything,and i really hate it Birthday gifts bhi dete to usme bhi compromise karte Now I'm here,and mocks me 100-200, bhi nai ban rahe And parents to soch rae bete ko sahi raaste pe laa Diya sapne todke uske bhatak raha tha waise bhi I am so lost,nai hoga to he'll make me take a drop Ek baar,do baar teen baar 10 saal mbbs karo,phir zyada gand marani to upsc bhi dedo Suicide cases ke baare me baap hasta hai,mazak banata Aur ma bolti ki sab bacche chutiye hote Jo karlete Mai apni mental health ki baat karta to shaant kardete and blame kardete sab mujhpe Ab to I just don't even blame them We're just incompatible,i never could become the child they wanted And i never got the support and actual care which I maybe wanted I seldomly think that I don't deserve it ab,all I've done for them is not even enough There's enough convincing You can't convince someone who already knows what he'll say when i shut up
I'm just waiting for it all to be over,i sort of want ki sab khatam hojaye ab It's very,very frustrating living here Bhaiya wanted to be an artist,forcefully neet ki padhai karwai Nai kiya to bsc karwadi same city me ki kahi aur city me jaake maze na karpaye,yahi rehjaye Music artist banna chahta tha,koi support nai Mila usse bhi
Mujhe bhi lagta sab aise hi ghutke khatam hojaega yaha pe bhi mere liye Boht rant hogaya

I don't know what to say, but I already gave up this NEET battle (3rd Year Dropper, never had that burning desire to become a Doctor), I am not suicidal, just depressed, even after getting so many chances I wasted everyone of them, because?
Because there are 2 reasons,

1. I am a worthless piece of shit, I deserve to get killed (I can't even say the things that I've done in the past)
   
2. I am not mentally stable, I mean I certainly have good amount of Depression (There are reasons behind that depression too, I am too coward to point them out too)
   

I wasted 11th + 12th + 3 Drops because I gave up easily everytime I thought of working hard, because I never wanted to become a doctor, just chose this path without thinking anything, now regretting over it, I gave up this NEET battle, now prepping up for CUET, that's my only chance to make up to a decent college....
ek advise ye hogi meri taraf se ki "Galti se bhi drop mat lena agar tumne last year kuch nahi padha, zyada chances hai ki tum drop year bhi barbaad kar doge"
You must be laughing at me right? Haso yaar khush raho, agar tum has rahe ho mujhpar tab tum sahi raaste par ho, sarcasm me nahi bol raha hu, sach bol raha hu, it's how I feel...
Yesterday when I woke up at 10 AM (I was literally scratching my head due to waking up so late), Papa aaye aur bole "Tension mat lo beta, Doctor nahi banega toh Kuch aur kar lega, kya pata IAS ban jaye? Nahi to Business kar lena, ya to MBA kar lena, Corporate me kaam kar lena, Startup Kar lena, Tension mat lo beta, bahut cheeze hai karne ko" then he left for his work, and Ironically 2 hours after that I gave up this NEET battle, I was so much in Dispair, I was lying on the bathroom floor banging my hands on the wall, trying to cry but no more than 23 ters were coming out of my eyes, I banged my wrist on the wall thinking that I would break my wrist as punishment of what i've done and as an excuse of scoring badly in exams (Idk why, I guess my brain was not not working, there was so much self hatred that I wanted to break my bones, I wanted to inflict damage to myself, although I never thought of Suicide, hopefully I'll never will)
Even after all this fiasco, Today Mummy said ki "nahi hoga to kya hoga, kuch der udaas hoenge, fir kuch time baad sab theek ho jayega, kya pata Bhagwaan tumhare liye kuch aur soche ho? selection nahi hoga to kya hua, wo gaana yaad karna 'Iss duniye me kitna gam hai, mera gum kitna kam hai...", then she gave me some examples of some of my family members who are going through really rough times, like hell in real life...
Mere jaise bete ko jeene ka kya adhikaar hai? lekin mai mar bhi nahi sakta kyuki I am the only reason my parents are alive
Kitna galat raasta pe chal chuka hu mai? Kya mere Mummy Papa ye deserve karte hai? Only thing stopping me to kill myself is my parents that more agony will come to them, aur I know ki mai aage kuch acha hi karunga, but maine ye kya kar diya, am I even worthy to ask for forgiveness again for the 4th time? Kya bhagwaan mujhe ab bhi sahi raaste pe chalne ke liye guide karenge? Mai pray karunga ki tum sab logo ka iss baar ho jaye, aur drop na lo,
Mere man me kabhi bhi kisi ke liye ill feeling nahi thi, mai bhaut acha aadmi tha, pichle drop years me meri maansik stithi kharaab ho gyi hai, ab abur kya hi type karu, CUET ka exam ke liye ache se prepare karunga, hope karta hu ki tum sabko ek acha college mil jaye aur mujhe bhi, shayad mujhe bhi apni zindagi restart karne ka ek aur mauka mile....

Sab meri galti hai recent aiats mein 338 aaye mummy keh rhi hai ye mock hai koi nahi NEET mein ho jayega.
Bhot rona aa rha hai, this was my first drop, saari galti meri hai, aadhe ghante se ro rha hu.
Yaar mere 400 bhi nahi touch hue neet mein to kyaa muh dikhaunga main. Ye sab pehle sochna tha.
Failure tha aur Failure hi hu. Bhot bura lag rha hai. Yaar maine padhai ki hai aisi baat nahi hai but pata nahi 450 bhi touch nahi kar paaya.
I hope neet mein bass 400 touch kardu taaki mann ko lage ki kuch to kiya iss saal. I feel so lost idk what I will do. Bass mann kar rha hai koi gale laga le or keh de "dekh tujhe apni galti pata hai, Iam with you, tension mat le" but koi nahi hai akele baith ke ro rha hu bathroom mein ye type kar rha hu.
I love you mummy papa but sorry aapka beta ek failure nikla. Aapka bachpan se sapna tha wo tod diya aapke bete ne. Mujhe maaf kardena.

I M(18) live in a developing city in Madhya Pradesh. To aaj mere yaha mere papa ke ek dost aay jinhe mai pahle se janta hun, woh saal mai ek ya do baar aa jaate hai aur kyunki maine drop liye hai isliye maine apne baal bhi bahut zyada badha liye the, aur jitne bhi log mere family mai ya mere dost log hai unhe mere lambe baal zyada acche lagte hai in comparison to chote baal, aur mujhe bhi aisa he lagata hai ki lambe baal mujhe acche lagte hai but ye bina but ye uncle ka kahna hai ki mere baal jhad jayenge aur mai takla ho jaunga cause abhi he maine lambe baal rakh liye. Aur reason dete hai ki unke bete ne bhi rakhe the aur unke bhi jhad gy lekin ye baat nahi bolenge ki unka jo dusra beta hai unke bhi baal jhad gy jabki unhone kabhi bade baal nahi rakhe, in uncle ke khud baal jhad chuke, inke respected pitaji joki inse lakh guna zyada acche hai unke baal bhi jhad chuke hai aur ye uncle mujhe mere papa ke saamne bolte hai ki jao baal katwa kar aao abhi. Bhai sab khush hai inko itni problem kyu?? Aur woh bhi mere baalon se?? Jab mujhe padhai mai problem aai papa ne inko bataya tab kuch nahi bole aur ab jab mere baal jo mujhe aur mere aas pass wale logo ko acche lag rahe hai waha inka gyaan shuru ho gaya, agar itni he paravah karte ho to ye bolna hota hai na ki beta humne suna hai baal bade rakhne se baal jhad jate hai instead of giving me the most illogical answer ki iska ho gy to tumhare bhi ho jayenge and saying ki abhi ja kar katwa kar aao, aur meri kya galti ke aapke jamane mai log nirma se baal dhote the?? Mere pass sahi products available hai and abhi tak mere baal bahut acche ghane shiny aur jo bhi hote ho wo sab hai, mere lambe baal jo mere lambi aur patli neck ko bapance out karne mai madat kar dete hai ye bataya maine inko to kahte hai acchi to hai neck kya dikkat hai jabki inhone he pahle bola tha ki kitni badi aur patli neck hai aur has rahe the mujh par woh to mere mummy papa bahut supportive hai to unhone bola ki jab mann hoga mere tab katwa lunga ofcourse woh in gyani uncle ke saamne ye to nahi bol sakte ki acche hai usko jaise rakhne hai rakhne do kyunki disrespect nahi kar sakte na unki, kaise chomu log hai yaar sab accha chal raha hai aur aaj ka pura din bigaad diya inhone mera aur ye mujhe intimate nazro se dekh rahe hai jaise maine koi paap kar diya ho mai to yaar puri respect ke sath bolta bhi hun aaj tak kisi bhi bade se maine gandi tarah se baat nahi ki puri respect ke sath ki but aaj mere liye in jaise logo ke liye respect khatam ho gai. Jo bhi ho ab bahut accha lag raha hai rant karke, waise to ye rant ke liye hai but aap log bhi apne opinions share karna chaho to kar sakte ho, aur aapke sath aisa kabhi hua hai to bhi bata sakte ho mai sun lunga

Please don't judge me because I had my reasons and situations to do what I did. and i accept I made mistakes
mere jee mains session 1 mein 93.14%ile ayi thi...
mai apne mom dad ke sath hi rehta hun and unhone mujhse pucha ki kitne percentile ayi and maine unko jhuth bola ki meri 98.7%ile ayi hai. maine uss smye socha tha ki mai next attempt mai itne le hi aunga.
mere papa ko jab maine bataya tha session 1 ka result toh voh bahut khush hue , voh unke chehre pe dikh raha tha. sir voh na padosiyo aur baki logo ko batane lage ki adi ke itne percentile aye hai , aur ekdam proud hoke batane lage the, aur ekdam flex krne lage voh ki mere bete ke 98.7 aye hai . mai un sabko words mai nahi bata pa raha. par voh bahut khush the uss smye.
Phir boards aya and jab mains tha tab mere dada ji ki death ho gyi, toh mere papa kahe ki pichle mai toh clear ho hi gaya hai and ache aa hi gaye hai toh ye wala chhodh de and hum log gaon chale gaye.. mai poora situation nahi smjha pa raha apko, par mai unko convince nahi kr paya ki mai ruk ke paper dedun..
toh mera final percentile 93.14 reh gaya.
mere pehle wale mai isliye km aye the kyunki I was incompetent the thing is ki first attempt mai mai bahut se jo end mai question solve kiya hun unko save and next nahi kiya par mark for review krke chhodh diya tha, toh voh questions mere calculate nahi hue the. but i am responsible for that because maine sare mocks sirf pen and paper diye the and ek bhi koi CBT nahi diya..
so, mai do saal se full advanced ki prepareation kr raha hun modules solve ki, har ek classes attend ki, sare notes sab
par ab mai adv de hi nahi paunga
aur mere papa ko toh lagta hai ki mai adv ka paper dene jaunga, par sir woh voh possible hi nahi hai ,, aur mujhe ab kuch smjh nahi araha ki mai kya karun aur unko kaise bataun ki mera nahi hua
aap meri family ko nahi jante, mere mom agar ye sab sun lengi toh voh apne upar le lengi aur self harm kr sakti hai voh,, mere papa bahut dissapoint etc honge..
aur mera ek chota bhai hai jiske samne mai ye sab nahi hone dena chahta
mere paas bs do option hai,
I plan to commit an accident before one day of adv i.e 25th May.
In which i will just make my cycle fell in front of a car. Which will lead to breaking of my bones and severe accident and definitely i wouldn't be able to give jee adv . And then i will say to my parents to allow me to take a drop. I will say that mai ek baar bhi adv nahi de paya isliye mujhe drop lene do this way no one will say to me ki tera adv kyun nahi hua and next time i will do better.
second is - I suicide and its all done
mai apna muh dikhane layak nahi reh gaya hun
ghar pe sabko merese problem hai, meri mom bahut dukhi rehti ha meri vajah se aur meri vajah se unka BP bhi high ho jata hai, mere papa mere marks ko leke, mera bhai mere behaviour ko leke.. mere mom and dad apas mai ladte hai just because of me
Nobody is happy due to my mere existence
unki khushi cheen raha hun mai.. jinhone mujhe sab diya, mai unki hi khushi ko kaise cheen sakta hun?
if i am being honest , my parents, my sister and my teachers deserve a better son, brother and student.. i am good for nothing
I lied, I make my parents sad, make my brother sad
what good I am for, I failed in life and morals
please please please help me choose between those two options.
and there is no chance I am going to tell the truth to my parents,, i do not want to loose my mother due to this.
please please please help
help me choose
I prefer suicide btw. ya phir accident nahi toh mujhe koi aisa disease batao jisse mai atleast 3-4 din ke liye bahut bimar padh jaun, and ye bhi batana ki how to cause that disease... aur agar hospitalise ho saku toh aur bhi acha hai.
that is the only way to bring back smiles on my parents face (ik starting mai cry but after a month they will be normal ik)
I failed as a human
I not just failed as a aspirant, I failed as a human being, I failed as a child I failed as a brother I failed in every possible way I can.
I am a failure
the air I breathe is contaminated with my badness, the space I consume should be given to a more deserving person and not me, I do not deserve the parents I got.. I do not deserve a life, I do not deserve this body which I posses. I do not deserve any of it...
My presence is a curse to people around me.