I am a highly motivated and experienced game developedesigner with a passion for crafting engaging and immersive gaming experiences. I possess a diverse skillset spanning various game development disciplines, including:
Programming:
​

• Proficient in Unreal Engine, Unity Engine, and Godot.
• Experienced in gameplay mechanics, scripting, AI, and optimization.

Design:
​

• Narrative design: Compelling story creation, character development, and world-building.
• Level design: Engaging level creation, encounter design, and flow optimization.
• Graphics design: Strong visual design sense for creating captivating environments and assets.
• UI/UX design: User-friendly and intuitive interface creation for seamless player experience.

Genres:
​

• FPS/TPS
• RPG
• MMO/MMORPG
• Free-to-play
• RTS
• Simulation
• Puzzles & Platformers
• Card Games

Availability: Open to both short-term and long-term freelance projects.
Rate: Negotiable based on project scope and complexity.
Contact: PM

Sleepless nights, tossing and turning, waking up groggy—sound familiar? If you're struggling with sleep, you're not alone. In today's fast-paced world, quality rest can feel like a luxury. But what if I told you there's a solution at your fingertips? Enter online sleep consulting—a revolutionary approach to tackling sleep troubles from the comfort of your own home.

Introduction to Sleep Troubles

Understanding the Importance of Quality Sleep
Sleep isn't just about closing your eyes and resting; it's a vital process that rejuvenates both your body and mind. From boosting immunity to enhancing cognitive function, the benefits of a good night's sleep are endless.
Common Sleep Issues Faced Today
However, with the rise of screens, stress, and busy schedules, achieving that elusive eight hours can seem impossible. Insomnia, sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome—these are just a few of the sleep disorders plaguing millions worldwide.

The Rise of Online Sleep Consulting

Explaining the Concept of Online Sleep Consulting
So, what exactly is online sleep consulting? Think of it as having a personal sleep coach available at the click of a button. Through virtual consultations, sleep experts assess your sleep habits, identify underlying issues, and design personalized plans to help you reclaim your ZZZs.
Benefits of Seeking Help Online
The beauty of online consulting lies in its accessibility. No need to commute to appointments or rearrange your schedule; you can access professional guidance from anywhere with an internet connection. Plus, with a growing number of certified sleep consultants offering their services online, finding the right fit has never been easier.

Meet Your Online Sleep Consultant

Qualifications and Expertise
But who are these sleep consultants, and what qualifies them to guide your slumber? Rest assured, they're not just self-proclaimed "sleep gurus." Many hold advanced degrees in fields like psychology, sleep medicine, or counseling, and undergo rigorous training to become certified sleep coaches.
How They Can Help You
From analyzing your sleep patterns to providing practical strategies, online sleep consultants are your partners in the quest for better sleep. Whether you're struggling with erratic sleep schedules or battling chronic insomnia, they're equipped with the knowledge and tools to address your unique needs.

Understanding Your Sleep Patterns

Importance of Understanding Sleep Cycles
One key aspect of online sleep consulting is gaining insight into your sleep architecture. By deciphering your sleep stages and rhythms, consultants can pinpoint areas for improvement and tailor interventions accordingly.
Tools and Techniques Used by Consultants
So, how do they do it? Through a combination of sleep diaries, questionnaires, and cutting-edge technology, consultants gather data on your sleep habits and preferences. Armed with this information, they devise customized strategies to optimize your sleep quality.

Customized Sleep Plans

Tailoring Strategies to Your Unique Needs
There's no one-size-fits-all solution when it comes to sleep. That's why online Sleep consultant online take a personalized approach to crafting your sleep plan. Whether you're a night owl or an early bird, they'll work with your natural rhythms to develop strategies that stick.
Personalized Recommendations for Better Sleep
From setting a consistent bedtime to creating a calming pre-sleep routine, your sleep plan will be tailored to address your specific challenges and goals. Whether you're aiming for more restful nights or seeking relief from sleep disorders, your consultant will be by your side every step of the way.

Addressing Sleep Disorders

Identifying and Managing Sleep Disorders
For those battling more serious sleep issues like insomnia or sleep apnea, online consulting offers a lifeline. Consultants are trained to recognize the signs of sleep disorders and can provide guidance on managing symptoms, accessing treatment, and improving overall sleep hygiene.
Strategies for Coping with Insomnia, Sleep Apnea, etc.
Whether it's cognitive-behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I) or lifestyle modifications for sleep apnea, consultants are well-versed in evidence-based interventions to tackle a range of sleep disorders. With their support, you can take proactive steps towards better sleep and better health.

Creating a Sleep-Friendly Environment

Tips for Optimizing Your Bedroom for Sleep
Your bedroom should be a sanctuary for sleep, free from distractions and conducive to relaxation. From blackout curtains to white noise machines, consultants can offer recommendations for creating a sleep-friendly environment that promotes restorative rest.
Using Technology to Enhance Sleep Quality
In the digital age, technology isn't just part of the problem—it can also be part of the solution. Consultants can introduce you to apps, wearables, and other gadgets designed to track your sleep, monitor your progress, and even lull you to sleep with soothing sounds or guided meditations.

Developing Healthy Sleep Habits

Importance of Consistent Bedtime Routine
Just like Pavlov's dogs salivated at the sound of a bell, your body responds to cues that it's time to sleep. Establishing a consistent bedtime routine signals to your brain that it's time to wind down, making it easier to fall asleep and stay asleep throughout the night.
Tips for Relaxation and Stress Reduction Before Bed
In today's hyper-connected world, unwinding before bed can be easier said than done. That's where relaxation techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or gentle stretching come in handy. By calming your mind and body, you can ease into sleep more effortlessly.

Diet and Exercise for Better Sleep

Impact of Diet and Exercise on Sleep Quality
You are what you eat—and how you move. Diet and exercise play a crucial role in regulating your sleep-wake cycle and promoting restful slumber. From limiting caffeine and heavy meals before bed to incorporating regular physical activity into your routine, small changes can yield big improvements in your sleep quality.
Recommendations for Improving Sleep Through Lifestyle Changes
Consultants don't just focus on what happens between the sheets—they're interested in your entire lifestyle. By addressing factors like diet, exercise, stress, and screen time, they can help you create habits that support healthy sleep and overall well-being.

Tracking Progress and Adjustments

Using Apps and Devices to Monitor Sleep Patterns
In the age of smartphones and smartwatches, tracking your sleep has never been easier. Consultants may recommend apps or wearable devices that monitor your sleep patterns, providing valuable insights into your nightly habits and trends.
How Consultants Modify Plans Based on Progress
But it's not just about collecting data—it's about using it to drive meaningful change. Consultants will regularly review your progress and adjust your sleep plan as needed, ensuring that you stay on track towards your sleep goals.

Benefits of Online vs. In-Person Consulting

Convenience and Accessibility of Online Services
Gone are the days of waiting weeks for an appointment or trekking across town to see a specialist. With online consulting, help is just a click away. Whether you're a busy parent, a frequent traveler, or simply prefer the comfort of your own home, online services offer unparalleled convenience and flexibility.
Effectiveness Compared to Traditional Methods
But don't let the lack of face-to-face interaction fool you—online consulting is just as effective as in-person sessions, if not more so. Research has shown that virtual interventions can produce significant improvements in sleep quality, making them a viable alternative for those unable to access traditional services.

Success Stories: Real-Life Examples

Testimonials from Clients Who Improved Their Sleep
Still skeptical? Hear it straight from the source. Countless individuals have transformed their sleep and their lives with the help of online sleep consulting. From chronic insomniacs to weary shift workers, the proof is in the pudding—better sleep is within reach.
Case Studies Highlighting Positive Outcomes
Take, for example, Sarah, a busy executive struggling to juggle work, family, and sleep. After just a few weeks of working with an online sleep consultant, she's sleeping soundly through the night, waking up refreshed, and tackling her days with newfound energy and focus.

Cost and Accessibility

Affordability of Online Sleep Consulting
You might be wondering, "How much does it cost?" Surprisingly, online sleep consulting is more affordable than you might think. With a range of pricing options to fit every budget, there's no reason to put a price on your health and well-being.
Availability of Services Worldwide
And the best part? Online sleep consulting isn't limited by geography. Whether you're in New York or New Zealand, you can access top-tier sleep expertise without ever leaving your home. The world is your oyster—and a good night's sleep is just a click away.

Getting Started: Tips for Finding the Right Consultant

Factors to Consider When Choosing an Online Sleep Consultant
Ready to take the plunge? Before diving in, consider factors like credentials, experience, and specialization. Look for consultants who are certified by reputable organizations and have a track record of success in addressing your specific sleep concerns.
Questions to Ask Before Committing
Still unsure? Don't hesitate to ask questions. A good consultant will be happy to provide information about their approach, methodology, and success rate. After all, your sleep is too important to leave to chance.

Conclusion

Sleep shouldn't be a luxury reserved for the lucky few—it's a fundamental human need that impacts every aspect of our lives. With the rise of online sleep consulting, help is more accessible than ever before. Whether you're struggling with insomnia, sleep apnea, or simply can't seem to switch off at night, there's a solution out there waiting for you. So why wait? Take the first step towards better sleep today and revolutionize your sleep routine for good.

FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)

1. Is online sleep consulting covered by insurance?

• While coverage varies depending on your provider and policy, some insurance plans may reimburse for online sleep consulting services. It's worth checking with your insurer to see what's covered.

1. How long does it take to see results from online sleep consulting?

• Results can vary depending on individual circumstances, but many clients report improvements in sleep quality within a few weeks of starting their consultation.

1. Can online sleep consulting help with children's sleep issues?

• Absolutely! Many consultants specialize in pediatric sleep and can provide guidance on establishing healthy sleep habits for children of all ages.

1. Are online sleep consultants qualified to diagnose sleep disorders?

• While consultants can identify common signs of sleep disorders, they are not licensed medical professionals and cannot provide formal diagnoses. If you suspect you have a sleep disorder, it's important to consult with a physician or sleep specialist for proper evaluation and treatment.

1. What if I'm not tech-savvy? Can I still benefit from online sleep consulting?

• Absolutely! Most consultants offer user-friendly platforms and provide support every step of the way. Whether you're a digital native or a technophobe, you'll find online sleep consulting easy to navigate and rewarding in its results.

Inside
Sleepless nights, tossing and turning, waking up groggy—sound familiar? If you're struggling with sleep, you're not alone. In today's fast-paced world, quality rest can feel like a luxury. But what if I told you there's a solution at your fingertips? Enter online sleep consulting—a revolutionary approach to tackling sleep troubles from the comfort of your own home.

Introduction to Sleep Troubles

Understanding the Importance of Quality Sleep
Sleep isn't just about closing your eyes and resting; it's a vital process that rejuvenates both your body and mind. From boosting immunity to enhancing cognitive function, the benefits of a good night's sleep are endless.
Common Sleep Issues Faced Today
However, with the rise of screens, stress, and busy schedules, achieving that elusive eight hours can seem impossible. Insomnia, sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome—these are just a few of the sleep disorders plaguing millions worldwide.

The Rise of Online Sleep Consulting

Explaining the Concept of Online Sleep Consulting
So, what exactly is online sleep consulting? Think of it as having a personal sleep coach available at the click of a button. Through virtual consultations, sleep experts assess your sleep habits, identify underlying issues, and design personalized plans to help you reclaim your ZZZs.
Benefits of Seeking Help Online
The beauty of online consulting lies in its accessibility. No need to commute to appointments or rearrange your schedule; you can access professional guidance from anywhere with an internet connection. Plus, with a growing number of certified sleep consultants offering their services online, finding the right fit has never been easier.

Meet Your Online Sleep Consultant

Qualifications and Expertise
But who are these sleep consultants, and what qualifies them to guide your slumber? Rest assured, they're not just self-proclaimed "sleep gurus." Many hold advanced degrees in fields like psychology, sleep medicine, or counseling, and undergo rigorous training to become certified sleep coaches.
How They Can Help You
From analyzing your sleep patterns to providing practical strategies, online sleep consultants are your partners in the quest for better sleep. Whether you're struggling with erratic sleep schedules or battling chronic insomnia, they're equipped with the knowledge and tools to address your unique needs.

Understanding Your Sleep Patterns

Importance of Understanding Sleep Cycles
One key aspect of online sleep consulting is gaining insight into your sleep architecture. By deciphering your sleep stages and rhythms, consultants can pinpoint areas for improvement and tailor interventions accordingly.
Tools and Techniques Used by Consultants
So, how do they do it? Through a combination of sleep diaries, questionnaires, and cutting-edge technology, consultants gather data on your sleep habits and preferences. Armed with this information, they devise customized strategies to optimize your sleep quality.

Customized Sleep Plans

Tailoring Strategies to Your Unique Needs
There's no one-size-fits-all solution when it comes to sleep. That's why online Sleep consultant online take a personalized approach to crafting your sleep plan. Whether you're a night owl or an early bird, they'll work with your natural rhythms to develop strategies that stick.
Personalized Recommendations for Better Sleep
From setting a consistent bedtime to creating a calming pre-sleep routine, your sleep plan will be tailored to address your specific challenges and goals. Whether you're aiming for more restful nights or seeking relief from sleep disorders, your consultant will be by your side every step of the way.

Addressing Sleep Disorders

Identifying and Managing Sleep Disorders
For those battling more serious sleep issues like insomnia or sleep apnea, online consulting offers a lifeline. Consultants are trained to recognize the signs of sleep disorders and can provide guidance on managing symptoms, accessing treatment, and improving overall sleep hygiene.
Strategies for Coping with Insomnia, Sleep Apnea, etc.
Whether it's cognitive-behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I) or lifestyle modifications for sleep apnea, consultants are well-versed in evidence-based interventions to tackle a range of sleep disorders. With their support, you can take proactive steps towards better sleep and better health.

Creating a Sleep-Friendly Environment

Tips for Optimizing Your Bedroom for Sleep
Your bedroom should be a sanctuary for sleep, free from distractions and conducive to relaxation. From blackout curtains to white noise machines, consultants can offer recommendations for creating a sleep-friendly environment that promotes restorative rest.
Using Technology to Enhance Sleep Quality
In the digital age, technology isn't just part of the problem—it can also be part of the solution. Consultants can introduce you to apps, wearables, and other gadgets designed to track your sleep, monitor your progress, and even lull you to sleep with soothing sounds or guided meditations.

Developing Healthy Sleep Habits

Importance of Consistent Bedtime Routine
Just like Pavlov's dogs salivated at the sound of a bell, your body responds to cues that it's time to sleep. Establishing a consistent bedtime routine signals to your brain that it's time to wind down, making it easier to fall asleep and stay asleep throughout the night.
Tips for Relaxation and Stress Reduction Before Bed
In today's hyper-connected world, unwinding before bed can be easier said than done. That's where relaxation techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or gentle stretching come in handy. By calming your mind and body, you can ease into sleep more effortlessly.

Diet and Exercise for Better Sleep

Impact of Diet and Exercise on Sleep Quality
You are what you eat—and how you move. Diet and exercise play a crucial role in regulating your sleep-wake cycle and promoting restful slumber. From limiting caffeine and heavy meals before bed to incorporating regular physical activity into your routine, small changes can yield big improvements in your sleep quality.
Recommendations for Improving Sleep Through Lifestyle Changes
Consultants don't just focus on what happens between the sheets—they're interested in your entire lifestyle. By addressing factors like diet, exercise, stress, and screen time, they can help you create habits that support healthy sleep and overall well-being.

Tracking Progress and Adjustments

Using Apps and Devices to Monitor Sleep Patterns
In the age of smartphones and smartwatches, tracking your sleep has never been easier. Consultants may recommend apps or wearable devices that monitor your sleep patterns, providing valuable insights into your nightly habits and trends.
How Consultants Modify Plans Based on Progress
But it's not just about collecting data—it's about using it to drive meaningful change. Consultants will regularly review your progress and adjust your sleep plan as needed, ensuring that you stay on track towards your sleep goals.

Benefits of Online vs. In-Person Consulting

Convenience and Accessibility of Online Services
Gone are the days of waiting weeks for an appointment or trekking across town to see a specialist. With online consulting, help is just a click away. Whether you're a busy parent, a frequent traveler, or simply prefer the comfort of your own home, online services offer unparalleled convenience and flexibility.
Effectiveness Compared to Traditional Methods
But don't let the lack of face-to-face interaction fool you—online consulting is just as effective as in-person sessions, if not more so. Research has shown that virtual interventions can produce significant improvements in sleep quality, making them a viable alternative for those unable to access traditional services.

Success Stories: Real-Life Examples

Testimonials from Clients Who Improved Their Sleep
Still skeptical? Hear it straight from the source. Countless individuals have transformed their sleep and their lives with the help of online sleep consulting. From chronic insomniacs to weary shift workers, the proof is in the pudding—better sleep is within reach.
Case Studies Highlighting Positive Outcomes
Take, for example, Sarah, a busy executive struggling to juggle work, family, and sleep. After just a few weeks of working with an online sleep consultant, she's sleeping soundly through the night, waking up refreshed, and tackling her days with newfound energy and focus.

Cost and Accessibility

Affordability of Online Sleep Consulting
You might be wondering, "How much does it cost?" Surprisingly, online sleep consulting is more affordable than you might think. With a range of pricing options to fit every budget, there's no reason to put a price on your health and well-being.
Availability of Services Worldwide
And the best part? Online sleep consulting isn't limited by geography. Whether you're in New York or New Zealand, you can access top-tier sleep expertise without ever leaving your home. The world is your oyster—and a good night's sleep is just a click away.

Getting Started: Tips for Finding the Right Consultant

Factors to Consider When Choosing an Online Sleep Consultant
Ready to take the plunge? Before diving in, consider factors like credentials, experience, and specialization. Look for consultants who are certified by reputable organizations and have a track record of success in addressing your specific sleep concerns.
Questions to Ask Before Committing
Still unsure? Don't hesitate to ask questions. A good consultant will be happy to provide information about their approach, methodology, and success rate. After all, your sleep is too important to leave to chance.

Conclusion

Sleep shouldn't be a luxury reserved for the lucky few—it's a fundamental human need that impacts every aspect of our lives. With the rise of online sleep consulting, help is more accessible than ever before. Whether you're struggling with insomnia, sleep apnea, or simply can't seem to switch off at night, there's a solution out there waiting for you. So why wait? Take the first step towards better sleep today and revolutionize your sleep routine for good.

FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)

1. Is online sleep consulting covered by insurance?

• While coverage varies depending on your provider and policy, some insurance plans may reimburse for online sleep consulting services. It's worth checking with your insurer to see what's covered.

1. How long does it take to see results from online sleep consulting?

• Results can vary depending on individual circumstances, but many clients report improvements in sleep quality within a few weeks of starting their consultation.

1. Can online sleep consulting help with children's sleep issues?

• Absolutely! Many consultants specialize in pediatric sleep and can provide guidance on establishing healthy sleep habits for children of all ages.

1. Are online sleep consultants qualified to diagnose sleep disorders?

• While consultants can identify common signs of sleep disorders, they are not licensed medical professionals and cannot provide formal diagnoses. If you suspect you have a sleep disorder, it's important to consult with a physician or sleep specialist for proper evaluation and treatment.

1. What if I'm not tech-savvy? Can I still benefit from online sleep consulting?

• Absolutely! Most consultants offer user-friendly platforms and provide support every step of the way. Whether you're a digital native or a technophobe, you'll find online sleep consulting easy to navigate and rewarding in its results.

Hello, brothers and sisters in Christ, and fellow travelers through unseen realms of imagination! This thread is where you can share about whatever storytelling media you are currently enjoying or thinking about. Have you recently been traveling through:

• a book?
• a show or film?
• a game?
• oral storytelling, such as a podcast?
• music or dance?
• Painting, sculpture, or other visual arts?
• a really impressive LARP?

Whatever it is, this is a recurring thread to help us get to know each other and chat about the stories we are experiencing.
Feel free to offer suggestions for a more interesting title for this series...

Lol, I can admit, maybe I bought too many boots :) I love them all, and can't figure out what to sell, but I have to start somewhere. It's 5:30am and my family is sleeping, but I can take pics today, feel free to shoot me a text or message me on here (I'm going to be working during the day, and am not lucky enough to have a work from home job) I am throwing a pic from a couple weeks ago.....lol I am hoping it will suffice until I take some this week
I have the extra cotton laces for all of them, but the boxes were thrown away (If I had boxes for all 40 pairs of boots, I would need a damn boot box room in addition to my boot room)
Ink Cheaha - I love these, they have the most wear on them (sole wise,) $300 shipped CONUS
Evergreen Cheaha - Sweet boots, wore them twice (we dressed up as the grinch, cindy lou, and Max, and terrorized santas in malls and got pictures taken with them....it was hilarious, and fun. But I don't wear these, and am about to start cutting grass in them just to use them.....figured I should sell them to let someone appreciate them) They are my Grinch boots! $300 shipped CONUS
Wooly Bully Roughout W Speedhooks - literally just bought them, wore them twice for maybe 3 hours total, still need broken in. $325 shipped (I think I paid $435 maybe a month or two ago)
Vintage Military horserump MTO - killing me, barely worn, I will regret this as they are buttery soft. $450 shipped
Black Chamois - barely worn, got less than a month ago $425 Shipped Maybe worn twice, need broken in
Grant Stone Diesel Kangaroo - sweet ass boots, barely worn $300 Shipped CONUS
Feel free to text me 412-699-6793
I have a 9 month old son and a daughter on the way. My boot room is being converted into a nursery for the new little girl (my son took my gym! IS NOTHING SACRED!!!????) Lol, no I need to stop living like bachelor John, and be more family focused. Although I love these boots, I love my family a bit more ;)
Stay blessed and unstoppable!
Enjoy whatever boots you are wearing!!
Thanks for checking out my ghetto ass sales thread ;) It needs PICS!!!! I know lol

Spoilerss, especially floor 11 & 12! Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong by the way
I read a post about the 11th & 12th floor, mentioning Alpheratz remembering Vega in the previous timeline (will credit owner of post when I find it again, for now ctto).
I finished chapter 12 and still have to play its twilight mode, but I'm still wrapping my head around the whole "past life/timeline" thing. I was thinking stuff like "if Summoner used to be Polaris, did Vega still had a Mid Earthiem friend then too?" But then I thought, "did Vega still exist in the past timeline?"
That was until I saw the post and thought "Woah, this for real?" and was just wondering,, when was this mentioned? And maybe you guys have more thoughts about the timeline or something. Thought I'd interact with the community more before heading to floor 13, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on the game/story too

For context, my (13M) father (41M) is divorcing my mom (43F) because my father is a lying, manipulative, narcissistic, piece of shit. My parents were married for 16 years and my mom has been shielding him from any trouble his alcoholism caused. Going through the years my dad would frequently argue with my mom, sometimes getting physical, keep in mind that my mom is no heavier than 190lb and my dad is around 250lb, not to mention so much stronger than her. If we go back to June 2023 my dad and brother went out for Mexican ice cream (my dad was drunk at the time) and my mom, my sister and I were going to dollar tree. Right when we were about to arrive at dollar tree my mom got a call from my dad saying that she needed to come pick my brother up before it went worse. Apparently my brother was trying to hook his phones Bluetooth up to the car and my dad found out that he was labeled as “Mamafucker” in my brother’s phone. My dad being drunk was otherworldly pissed off and put my brother in a chokehold and threatened his life. We filed a police report but they couldn’t do anything. I have to see him again for the first time in almost a year and I want to go off on his ass over the damage he did not only to my mom and brother but to the family In general. I genuinely don’t want to see him until he can prove to me that he’s kicked alcohol to the curb. Sorry for the long story I just had to get it off my chest. I’m not on this site often so I won’t respond to all comments but I will respond to some.

Do any of you have issues with your adult children? My dil is a drunk who picks fights with everyone. I was at her and my son’s ns home on Mother’s Day. She kept drinking more and more. She proceeded to call her sister a whore in front of everyone. They ended up in a physical altercation. While trying to pull them apart my granddaughter came running out of her room then started pulling her aunts hair. I pushed my granddaughter away. Finally, we got them apart and my granddaughter tells her Mom that her Aunt swung at her. She didn’t, but my granddaughter has learned to lie for her benefit. I tried to calm my dil. It worked until I told her that her sister did not swing at my granddaughter. Then she comes after me because “I was sticking up for her sister and calling my granddaughter a liar. She starts yelling that her sister punched her daughter, my granddaughter, in the face. None of which was true. My dil kept coming at me so I grabbed my shit and left. When I got home I was bombarded with texts telling me what a piece of shit Mother and grandmother I am. She proceeds to go on talking about how much money they have and that they have a boat and she makes more money than me. I told her that I could give two shits about her debt. No my son is no longer speaking with m, again. She is so toxic. She allows her 13 year old daughter to do whatever she wants. This happens every year. Is anyone else going through this type of situation? I am over it! I am going to stand back and watch this all crumble. They are a restaurant owner. Every day after work they hang out with their employees. They party with them every weekend. Am I the only one who sees a train wreck coming?

We met less than a year ago (Maybe 10 months?). We are in the university, both students. We met through a mutual friend. At the start, I thought she was great. She is super welcoming and generally positive. Very zen. However, I don't know if she was just being super nice when meeting new people or if something has changed but now she feels like a new person. Honestly, I think I was just following what she wanted to do and now that I'm not, she is becoming more critical.
The main problem is how I feel like she doesn't really think about how others feel. Our friend group really wants to go on vacation, and she told me that we could just decide the dates between us for the group (i.e. don't ask the group). She was asking me to come visit every time we talk (for two weeks), but If I ask her to visit me, she says it's too far for her to travel. She also keeps touching me, just like holding onto my arm and touching my shoulder, and I've told her to stop, which then she makes an unhappy groan and mutters under her breath about how "I'm not good". She also comments on what I am eating all of the time, especially the amount. She has also tried to stop me from eating certain foods (instant ramen). I see how some of it comes from a place of care, but frankly, it's not her place. If I call her out on any behavior or words, she either cries oand says I'm being rude/wrong.
To be fair, she is super stressed about many things in her life. We are also both very stubborn and do not compromise easily.
She already went home for 2 months, and I thought a break might help our relationship. But she came back 2 weeks ago and started acting the same. I'm really sick and tired of it. I make plans every time she wants to visit so I don't have to be alone with her. I really want to end my friendship with her. My mom said I should just graduate then never talk to her again. But I have another year and I can't imagine another year of unwanted touches, being blamed for calling her out, and generally avoiding this girl. I've never had a relationship where I needed to be the one to break it off (I've only had mutual friendship breakups). Considering we have mutual friends, I'm not sure how this will affect them. I also don't want to hurt her. I know I'm asking the impossible, but how should I do it? Does anyone have a success story? Should I wait for graduation to keep the peace?

So I remember reading this fanfic YEARS ago. It was a PJO and HP crossover. Basically, Hecate made it so Percy and Harry and dreams of each other, from TLT/TSS all the way until DH/BoO. Harry was in Slytherin and the Golden Trio was Harry/Hermione/Draco and Ron was the Draco if this story. I think it was called Harry Potter and the Son of Poseidon (but there are SO MANY pics with that name). It also had a sequel called the Guardian of Hogwarts (basically Percy was told to come back to Hogwarts years later to pretend to be a first year where he meets Harry who's been hiding for years protecting Hogwarts). If anyone can help me find it, it would be great.

Here. And I’d like to start by noticing that Steve Sailer is obviously Delicious Taco’s dad. Having said this.
Good episode. Lots of engagement which I suppose is a net positive for all involved. Obviously a lot of the injury stems from a distortion. The episode’s content fantasized and in fantasy warped into something constituting a threat (no, an outright assault) to the listener’s person. One can simply listen to the episode and see that some (in fact the bulk) of the negative responses are from people reacting to some spectral absent-presence rather than to the people actually saying over the course of the 2 hour long episode and to what was being discussed. The voices and the discourse have instead been shaped into sonic receptacle containing the reflection of something wildly ugly. Injuriously ugly.
Past few days have been brutal. Found myself doom-viewing the main sub, should know better at this age. Feels like I’ve been transmogrified into an absurd and wretched thing. Must've transgressed against a gnome or something. Fascinating to think about.
I would like nothing more than to shame you.
Miami Summer is a killer. Urine is blood-orange. My mother deserves better sons.
Why would A&D do this?
Witnessing the rankest comments. In bygone age I’d found them tolerable. Having imagined them delivered by high society homosexual. A damned dandy; chubby, sinister, and flamboyant. Capri on a stick limply held between index and middle fingers, twirling wrist ash’ing on expensive Persian rug. The blurry ghosts of his mother and the kid brother who drowned in the pond all those years ago glaring at him from far-off corner. Clearing throat he launches into sing-song slander head peeling back cackling at his own wickedness. Vile and venomous but charming. Instead what we get is 30+ year old mentally-ill men. Men whose Twitter activity has atrophied their cock and balls. Genitals withering away like the Worker's State, in its place a gasping cloaca, worry not I can clock em from miles away. The odious cloaca-havers are soon joined by ruined drug-addled children and the other women. They talk about A&D in disgusting ways. This is unfair and nasty. I confess to being angry. Sweating blood-specked kerosene. Let the scent fill up the empty air between us. My rage singing those overgrown nose hairs.
Of the two I think Anna is the one that inspires the harshest parasocial spite. So much so that I’d recommend she take some protective measures against evil eye and tongue. Maybe take baths with hyssop herb, rose water perfume, and holy water.
It’s as if Anna Khachiyan is a Giant Floating Vagina with teeth and a noticeable overbite. Viewed from another angle it transforms into a Madonna encircled by cherubim. Perhaps we are cruel to Anna in order to be kind to our mothers.
All very pre-Oedipal.
Had to step back and parse it out. Anna draws a comparison between herself and Sailer while also asking him a great question,
07:12-07:49
Anna: “I started reading it during the pandemic because it was the pandemic. I was pregnant and bored and I really relate to you as a person who everyone thinks is like evil and monstrous on the internet, but is actually like quite agreeable and mild mannered in real life. And I was going to ask you this question last, but I may as well just ask it now. How do you feel about your new found popularity? And especially, how do you feel about the fact that you have been effectively adopted by or identified with the hard right?”
The first part of the above extract, the sympathetic recognition, brings to mind a bit of 20th century Hermetic theory concerning harmful thought-forms. Our unconscious self-destructive impulses animating the fantasy-phantasm of the other. Inhabiting their shape. Gaining a degree of autonomy. This artificial entity is vampiric by default, provoking what the Czech magician Franz Bardon calls a "magical persecutory complex"... He goes into detail about such entities in Step VI of his seminal work, Initiation into Hermetics. Describing different types of artificial elementals and phantasms along with details on how to consciously go about creating and dissipating them. One of those artificial psychic entities, the one that concerns us, he calls the schemata. Bardon details two variants, one connected with paranoid persecutory fantasies and the other with erotic obsession. The first type comes about when someone who is “easily excitable, easily influenced or self-important” (Narcissist?) has a run in with another person who has, to put it mildly, a memorable visage and dark personality. The schemata is born from the phantasm modeled after this demonic-looking disagreeable person. The victim begins to attribute all kinds of minor inconveniences to the influence of the ugly person. Deludes themselves into thinking that the ugly/disagreeable person is a powerful black magician. Everything appears to reinforce their paranoid delusions. The schema grows in power feeding off the anxieties of their creatohost. The person might end up committing suicide. This was the persecutory schemas desire, having achieved its goal Bardon notes, “how great is the shock when such a spirit realizes on the mental plane that he has committed a very successful magical suicide. What a bitter disappointment! The demonic looking person, however, has no idea what happened; he was actually only the means to an end.”
God gave us eyes so that we might notice things.
The way I see it:
Being social animals the subject of our fantasy, of our fixations, is the fantasy of the other. What makes the human Human is not that we desire but rather that we desire the desire of the other. An excess desire. We fantasize about what the other is fantasizing and enjoying. Our fantasy of the fantasy of the other is the outlines a fundamental lack within our person, a negativity. Experienced as a splitting of consciousness. Intuiting this lack, becoming aware of it, and attempting to articulate it, we are self-consciousness. This negativity or void is in psychoanalytic terms, the unconscious. We likewise intuit that there had once been some original state. One without lack and contradiction. A state of fullness, without the division between self and object. A harmonious whole. A pure consciousness or as Freud refers to it in Civilization and its Discontents an oceanic feeling. The Original Desire, one that is authentically my own, which was not the desire of the other but which unites our desires in itself. This desire is the extinction of all desires.
The eye that perceives the lovely is at once the eye that perceives what I lack. Perceiving this lack, which explains my present condition, I covet. This is an evil eye. The lover’s gaze is of the same type as the infirm or pathic gaze. Reminded of Zizek’s formulation of one of Hegel’s insights, “Evil resides in the very gaze which perceives Evil all around itself" itself a variation of Meister Eckhart’s “the eye through which I see God is the same eye through which God sees me.” The recognition of evil, the ability to see and judge evil, stems from our ability to recognize disparity. This disparity is already present within our own person, the split-consciousness. The feeling cognized, the awareness of our condition as beings separated from the whole. The clairvoyance of the tyrant and the philosopher.
Suppose that psychopathology is born from our inability to recognize an image as an image.
I intuit something more in this person, something they’re hiding. It can’t just be envy, no. It has to be because I can feel that this thing they’re hiding is sinister. It can’t just be that I feel animosity towards this person, no. It has to be because this person is evil and not just an isolated evil but rather a symptom of a much larger evil. An evil that is responsible for all the suffering in the World, for why my World isn’t the way it should be. It can’t just be attraction, no. It has to be that I intuit something more in this person, something hidden, that I must destroy in order to go on living.
If vile shit comes to mind (as vile things often do, especially when one is immersed in ambient algorithmically-summoned vileness, namely outrage and atrocity porn) they won't affirm it to themselves or try to justify or rationalize it or present it as a rational political stance. And they don’t abstract this particular form of vileness into the primary lens through which they view and interpret cultural phenomena. Unreflexive racial animosity is ugly and fetid. We’re capable of recognizing it, feeling it, as something pathological. We’re also capable of laughing at it. Laughing at ourselves. Look at what our ladies have to say about Stuart Seldowitz (the dude who went viral harassing a halal street vendor) in I’ll Be Missinger. “He sucks,” “he’s a loser,” “he’s obviously sick,” and that he gives the impression of someone who lives alone, will die alone, and will be found weeks or even months after the fact.
Perhaps Red Scare is special in how it manages to elicit absurd, wildly inappropriate responses from listeners. Vulgar and revelatory was it? Steve Sailer elicits a similar response and has become an expert in turning said absurd reactions to his advantage. Generally the cooler-head in any given exchange. While the other person shouts obscenities at a ghost, smashing fists against the post, looking crazy, like a proper hysteric. Sailer breaks the fourth-wall, making eye-contact with the would-be noticer, with a little shake of the head, a little chuckle, a little shrug… “you’re noticing right? See what I have to put up with? Imagine these people defining my legacy.” Still he seems to take it with the good humor of an uncle who will still call you on your birthday, despite your drunken outburst during holiday get-together he will admit to not having resisted the temptation to provoke you, it use to be fun, recall all the cool bands I introduced you too? We use to be best buds, “do you really think anything I’ve said merits this sort of response? Honestly?”
Has to be a cheap trick. A technique employed by an old trickster in decades long honing of craft. Maybe not. Maybe what we see is precisely what we get. Most of the very upsetting things being jokes sincerely intended to lighten the mood. Steve Sailer doesn’t care about the particular political orientation of his audience. He just cares that he has an audience. Grateful for the fans he has. Nonetheless happy that they’re not seething malcontent racists. Even if one disagrees with the methodology, the heuristic, the conclusions. That’s secondary, perhaps even tertiary to the recognition sought. His craftsmanship as a writer.
Why I loved his conflict with Will Stancil. Stancil inspired a lot of pondering for me. Putting things in place…
01:29:22-01:29:28
Anna: “You come for the race science and stay for the prose-styling and vivid story-telling.”
In trying to survive as a writer exiled from Mainstream Conservative media (ConInc) during the Bush Jr years. In fact, correct me if I’m wrong but the cancelation that actually impacted Steve Sailer, setting him down the path we find him in, was brought about not by blue-haired hall monitor millennial leftists but by his “fellow” Conservatives. I imagine that he just went with whoever was willing to take him adapting to the editorial standards and audience sensibilities of the publications willing to provide him succor. Not charity mind you but an ability to engage in his own little labor of love.
Read some Sailer. Might get into that later. But that’s the initial impression I got from Steve. Would be utterly mortified if memorialized as a Racialist Ideologue rather than as an entertaining and thought-provoking journalist. Think I also benefited from seeing how he’s actually received by people who are navigating through (or in certain cases, are mired in) the marginal “Hard Right”-spaces or the Rightwing Digital Ghetto. End up realizing that he isn’t hateful, that what you see is precisely what you get, that he privileges craft over ideology, that his reception and exile from Neocon dominated media outlets (remember these are the people gushing ecstatic over the US invasion of Iraq, manufacturing consent for our adventures in the Middle East) was exceedingly unfair but that he nonetheless managed to persevere. And that he really never goes beyond Norm McDonald in terms of his sardonic wit or The Boondocks animated series in terms of his criticisms. His normality is a great source of stability and comfort for his readers; “noticing” and speculating about these topics doesn’t necessarily lead to one becoming a seething racist.
Returning for a moment to Will Stancil, this was what he inspired:
As the last man standing I spend countless hours immersed in detailed fantasies about the coming apocalypse and my enemy's bliss. A dumb and wicked happiness proportional to my suffering. Easy to imagine other people happy. Hearts unbroken. Unburdened, hydrated, sexually satisfied, debt-free, lucky, successful in all business endeavors. Brute, jezebel, schemer, parasite, rival, betrayer... the whole lot of them thriving. Frolicking in my mind's eye. When the time comes I won't forget that they were happy while...others...suffered.
Find that trying to void your mind of all thought or sit perfectly still for 10 minutes. End up feeling like something requires much less energy from us than nothing. Causes coalescing. Conspiring, to what ends?
You see. The very same principle appears to be at work here. Same pathological base that undergirds genuine racial or ethnic animosity. Fantasizing about the other’s enjoyment and being unable to distinguish between the persecutory Phantasm and the actual human being whose shape it appropriates.
Had a friend recommend forgetting. Forgetting is a dialectical exercise, first you have to acknowledge the thing living rent free in your head and acknowledge its origins... then you have to take the steps to stop feeding it. Letting the thought-form dissolve. Let it be put to rest. Reminded of the practice Orthodox Christian contemplatives call Nepsis.
Other approaches as well, acknowledging the presence of anima veiled in shadow.
But listen…
The podcasts I consume, are a reflection of me as a person. Being what I associate and consume. What does it say about me in particular? Reveal about me? That they should have Steve Sailer on the pod. Settling down. Perhaps some responses could be understood in this light. That a Sailer episode reflects poorly on the listener. Constituting a great betrayal of the love and energy and time I have dedicated over the years to you.
I’m not a racist.
Show me your likes on Twitter and I’ll tell you who you are. The most punitive and brutal god. The idea of the AI nu-god being this, utilizing that standard, is horrifying. Show me your likes on Twitter and I’ll tell you who you are, everything you are, and whether or not you qualify to live.
Shamed, I quietly remove the upvote I gave to the hysterical person and the downvote I gave to him.
Hysteria like a yawn is an empathic contagion.
Back to Anna it’s not because she’s ugly and it sucks that she might nurse this delusion. I actually think Anna is really pretty. Rather I think it’s because she’s a mom. She registers as a maternal figure. That’s one of the reasons I think people respond to her the way they do. As stated earlier. We are cruel to Anna in order to forgive our moms.
[To be continued: Wherein I say horrible things that should never be said to the people I claim to love. Will also interrogate Sailor Socialism]

Well ladies, I made it 6.5 months before having to resort to supplementing with formula this week. I knew this was coming for about a month and I’ve accepted it at this point. I feel a little less guilty knowing that my son is starting solids, but of course just really sad I couldn’t keep up with the supply he needs for milk. I for sure think that being a full time working mom just made it super difficult for my body to respond to his needs since I’ve mainly been pumping since back to work at 12 weeks. I still plan on continuing to pump & breastfeed as long as it feels right for both me and LO, but knowing we are supplementing from here on out just feels like a pivotal moment in my journey 🤷‍♀️ anyways, I just needed a place to put these feelings. Thanks for listening.

Introduction:
Mad Honey is a novel written by Jennifer Finney Boylan and Jodi Picoult. This book is a captivating mystery that also contains deep themes of identity, love, and secrets. Set in a smalltown in New Hampshire, it tells the story of Olivia McAfee and her son Asher, whose lives are
https://newbookrecommendation.com/summary-of-mad-honey-by-jennifer-finney-boylan-and-jodi-picoult/

For example some exclusive cards we feel like they aren't that great after we publish them and there might be some bugs or weird things with it so it'd be good to edit them We need custom themes for high fidelity talkies More free times, less expensive high fidelity Ai generated exclusive and story cards I probably missed some things as well but these are some of my main complaints.

So I remember reading this fanfic YEARS ago. It was a PJO and HP crossover. Basically, Hecate made it so Percy and Harry and dreams of each other, from TLT/TSS all the way until DH/BoO. Harry was in Slytherin and the Golden Trio was Harry/Hermione/Draco and Ron was the Draco if this story. I think it was called Harry Potter and the Son of Poseidon (but there are SO MANY pics with that name). It also had a sequel called the Guardian of Hogwarts (basically Percy was told to come back to Hogwarts years later to pretend to be a first year where he meets Harry who's been hiding for years protecting Hogwarts). If anyone can help me find it, it would be great.

Hey Reddit! I'm a high school student from India who just finished my 10th grade exams, which are a pretty big deal here. To motivate us, many parents offer rewards to their kids for getting good scores. Some students in my class were promised laptops, bikes, or iPhones if they scored above a certain percentage. My dad knows I don't want any of those things, so he offered me a different kind of reward. If I scored higher than my mom's 10th grade score (87%), he would grant me one wish for every percentage point above her score. If I scored higher than him (93%), I would get two wishes for every percentage point above his score.I ended up getting 90.2%, so I have three wishes! I've already used one wish to pay for my dance classes. However, I'm struggling to come up with ideas for my other two wishes. I don't need anything in particular, and if I do want something, I prefer to buy it with my own pocket money. I also don't enjoy going on vacations with my parents or friends (I'd rather travel alone when I'm older).So, Reddit, if you were in my shoes, what would you wish for? Feel free to share any ideas, even if they're not something I've specifically mentioned not wanting. Thanks for your input! 😊🙏

The EXTREMELY detailed, mega-anxiety edition!!! Major events like consult and surgery day are labeled like this:
——— EVENT TITLE ———
Surgeon was Dr. David Whitehead and I saw him on Long Island (New Hyde)
Summarized list of major dates:
Consult: July 19 2023 Mental health letter acquired: August 9 Dates discussed: September 12 Pre-op appointment: December 18 Surgery day: January 8 2024 Post-op: January 17
November 11th 2022: Emailed northwell health for the first time, they emailed back saying to call. I was too anxious so I avoided it for a few months.
Called northwell a few months later but got too anxious talking to the person who picked up. They were being normal and talking normally, it was just personal anxiety on my part.
October 2022 - Early March 2023: Spent time talking to trans friends and family members about their timelines and processes for top surgery.
Looked into Penn medicine for a bit but wasn’t happy with the surgeons there, specifically as a nonbinary person. The patient navigational team however is lovely.
March 2: emailed Penn health patient navigation
March 3-10: correspondence and phone calls w patient navigation (absolutely wonderful people, some of the easiest phone calls I’ve ever had) Got lots of into on surgeons, things I’d need, processes etc.
Date unknown: phone call to Penn medicine asking about surgeons and possibly setting up as a patient (v long wait time on phone) Surgeon I had heard good things about only works w CHOP program and I’m was too old for that program. Other surgeons I was v iffy on.
March 23rd: Back to square 1. Called northwell again to set up an appointment. Everyone I spoke to was really nice. Could have set up an appointment within the week but decided to wait till the end of the semester. Scheduled a trans care and primary care appointment for May
Couple of calls In between for confirmations. Trans care appointment got moved around a bit and ended up being moved to a phone call.
May 8th: Trans care call: Basic preliminary questions like: Emergency contact, what you’re looking for, are you thinking of looking into hormones, experience w dysphoria or dysmorphia, mental health, and eating/nutritional concerns, things you might want doc to know, piercings or tattoos, do you do any drugs or drink often, etc. total call time was about 20 minutes. Doctor was incredibly kind, I still experienced a good deal of anxiety but the call was super easy, welcoming, and friendly. Got sent contact referrals for the surgeons, as well as trans-friendly therapists under my insurance.
May 9th: started looking at list of therapists and making respective emails and calls. Checking per session costs and double checking insurance. Most charge 100-150 per session. Got in contact w one.
May 10th: Called w first therapist talking about what I’m looking for, where I am in this process, if parents are supportive, and talking about costs. She was very friendly and affirming, wants to have a few sessions to get to know me and my situation before writing a letter. Understandable and expected, but frustrating.
May 15th: Primary care appointment: Went to northwell health primary care, parkinglot was a little scary (just a large lot with a lot of cars) but everyone working there’s is super kind. Office is incredibly affirming, pride flags and lgbtq+ art everywhere. Gave my insurance card, filled out some paper work, got called in pretty quickly. I have a needle phobia and medical trauma so I was panicking a bit in the office, nurse was good w me about it and doctor was very kind, I just requested to not have any blood work done that day and that was totally fine, so I could schedule that at a later date and go w a friend. Recommended to get blood work done before scheduling a consult w a surgeon. Also prescribed me a single dose anxiety med for the bloodwork which I was very happy about. I found over time that the anxiety meds unfortunately do little to nothing for my panic attacks personally when it comes to needles but regardless having a doctor acknowledge and respect that fear and listen to me was incredibly helpful and reassuring.
May 30th: Got blood work done in a different lab, went w a friend. Scheduling for that is super easy, I think I did it online actually I don’t entirely recall. they do take walk ins but I made an appointment to minimize complications and make sure I could prepare properly. Front desk/lobby area was a little spooky, but I think that is mainly just bc of my social anxiety. They take a urine sample, you give them your prescription, eventually they call you over for blood work. Quick and easy, tech was v nice and having a friend with me was incredibly helpful. Probably the best I’ve ever done with a needle despite the fact that I did still panic and get very lightheaded lol.
Got blood work results back within the next couple days, all looks a-okay! Neat :)
June 15th This day was incredibly difficult. I had my first session with a therapist to establish some ground knowledge around my dysphoria and the way that I view myself. Top surgery is something that I know from research and related experience Can be difficult and expensive to get and can take time, so much of my prep work has been on the understanding of taking things a step at a time and just knowing that the current way things are doesn’t have to be forever. It allowed me to be able to live with myself while prioritizing my health better. This read to the therapist as “not having the level of dysphoria [she’s] come to expect and look for in someone who is trans” and was largely based off the fact that I don’t want to go on hrt. Past that point I started to break down because now my method of learning to live with myself felt like it was actively going to work against me and prevent me from getting top surgery. I’m not good at talking about my dysphoria, I can’t imagine it’s easy for anyone, especially to a stranger I just met. It was rough, and I felt incredibly mentally drained after ending the session.
June 19th Called it quits with the first therapist, I felt incredibly disrespected and the one session we had put me in a mental spiral for days. It can feel some times in this process like the people you have to get permission from need you to be severely depressed and unable to wait another second for this procedure just in order to take you seriously.
After I left that therapist, I immediately got back to the list to find someone new. Spoke to a new therapist via email, but my insurance is kinda weird (Blue Cross Blue Shield out of state) so its off putting to some people. This therapist recommended I go through the office she started out at (Heart and Soul Counseling)
————- Time Skip ——————
IM BACK its time for some record keeping. Got super overwhelmed and lost the energy to document my process for some time so here goes.
HEART AND SOUL COUNSELING: My experience w/ this therapy office was mostly good. The person in charge, Jesse, was absolutely lovely and responsive. Never spoke in person, but any text/email interaction was prompt, respectful, and kind. The office is stellar with email/text communication, so I only ever had to call them once when I was initially inquiring about the office. This is something I wish all therapy/counseling centers did better, eliminated a ton of my anxiety and hesitation to speak to therapists.
I got set up w someone as quickly as possible and established what my goal was (to acquire letter document for my surgery team). I attended multiple session w the therapist, she was a kind lady but the sessions were unfortunately p miserable for me. We didn’t fit well, but I was willing to stick it out rather than backtrack on my process. She also did not invalidate me or accuse me of not being trans which was a major step up from my first therapy experience. Once I acquired my letter I did stop therapy there, I kindly explained to the therapist that it wasn’t a good match, but I may honestly explore my options at the office in the future. Receptionist there was also lovely and they had a cool fish tank.
———- CONSULT STARTS HERE —————
July 19th: CONSULT!!! My mama and I went to Dr. David Whiteheads office for a consult. Parking was a nightmare so I’m super glad I didn’t have to drive for this one (ty mama). Consult went really well, and the staff were all super friendly. Dr. Whitehead is cool, very chill energy and a bit intimidating, but I’m scared of everyone so that’s nothing new. First question he asked me is what I wanted/what he could do for me which caught me more off guard than it should have? I didn’t realize going into this process how many times people ask you what you’re having done even if it’s already written down, because there’s so much variety in what you can look for in the results.
We talked about the procedure, went through a slideshow n stuff, and discussed how I wanted a flat chest w/ no nipple preservation. They made sure to specify that my mental health professional letter had to include that I did not want nipple preservation because thats technically a “non-standard” appearance. Also had the first breast exam I’ve ever had in my life. Can’t say i’m a fan (not that I need to worry about that anymore!) Took pictures n measurements n such, and also discussed recovery supplies and care w me and my mom.
August 9th: After a plethora of painfully awkward therapy sessions, a decent amount of crying, and a couple breakdowns in friends cars/backyards, I got my therapist letter and sent it to the surgeons office. It ended up needing minor revisions to which I contacted Jesse from Heart and Soul and he got me the revised letter immediately. Unfortunately the surgical coordinator was out of office for the rest of the month the next day ;w;. Is how it be.
September 12th: Got a call from Surgical coordinator mid-painting class that I stepped out to take. Started discussing surgical dates!! She was kind enough to email the dates to me which was lovely because I was absolutely shaking/mind blank haha. There was an option for January 8th which felt like an absolute miracle the way it would work with my school schedule. It would give me a solid two weeks recovery time before spring semester began. Because it would be a couple months out, I was asked to contact her in the second week of October to submit documents to insurance.
(Timeline note: earliest date offered was in early December)
October 10th: Documents sent to insurance, predetermination started
October 30th: Received mail from my insurance approving my procedure as medically necessary (YAY) But! This is also where things get,,, fun! Dr Whitehead’s surgical coordinator, Alyssa, is a blessing and was very helpful and prompt with me despite the fact that I had to email her pretty constantly during this general time which I still feel bad about.
Around this time, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, which I reported to the surgical coordinator because it influences my family history (grandmother also had breast cancer). It was asked that I get genetic testing done because this could impact my surgical procedure. Now I’m handling the setup on this between helping my mom in her process setting up consults and considering her options because there of course is a lot of crossover to the steps I’ve already completed and am familiar with.
November 1st: Very kind person at cancer genetics calls me, sends me a family history questionnaire to fill out before I can be scheduled to see a genetic counselor. Filled out the questionnaire the same day.
November 8th: Called cancer genetics to check about scheduling, office was not open so left a message. Got a call back later in the day. I have a virtual appointment with a Genetic counselor Tuesday the 14th. Current plan is a mailed saliva genetic test but I’m going to ask if theres anything I can do to get results/materials quicker. If I can’t get results/feedback by December 8th my surgery date may get deferred.
Trying not to stress too much because there is little to nothing I can do about this, and I just don’t want to be sad. I’ve kept telling myself throughout this process to not get excited and not let myself believe anything is solid because something could happen at any time that might mess up my schedule or plan, and If I convince myself I’m in the clear, those changes will hurt a lot more. So far I think thats been a good move, because this really sucks.
My surgery date is still officially scheduled as of now as well as my first post-op. I will also ideally have pre-surgical testing done December 18th should I be cleared by genetics in time (Fingers crossed!)
ALSO! Def lean on friends if/when you can during this process. It can absolutely be challenging, and having a support system is incredibly important and helpful. I’m super lucky to have really lovely and supportive friends that are around to listen to me and send me pictures of stupid little animals.
November 9th: My mama is scheduled for her double mastectomy on December 4th
November 10th: Did some shopping with my mama for recovery supplies for double mastectomy/top surgery. Having watched a million and a half transition/top surgery videos and tiktoks and having read all the blogs and posts and tweets makes you a great support for someone suddenly faced with an upcoming double mastectomy! We might go shopping this weekend for some button ups and zip ups for her, clothes shopping is better done when you can try stuff on
November 14th: Meeting w genetic counselor: Victoria Webb, one of the loveliest medical care workers I’ve ever met. Had a virtual appointment with her to discuss and set up genetic testing. I explained to her about my situation w the proximity of my surgery and tight deadline as well as my willingness to do a blood test instead of a saliva kit to get results quicker. She was so incredibly kind and good with me, ended up being able to do a saliva kit and get results in time she deserves every good thing in life.
December 18th: pre-surgical testing: This was at the main hospital, everyone was really nice but I had a really bad panic attack despite being on Xanax.
The process is sort of like getting a physical. Measurements like weight and blood pressure get taken, lots of preliminary health questions. The people working with me were really kind and I was very open with them about my anxiety, it was visually apparent though anyway because I started crying the second we even started talking about the blood draw.
Once the equipment was actually brought into the room I started to panic. Both of the women working with me were really kind and helpful and tried to distract me and keep me talking the entire time, but I did still have a really horrible panic attack. Every muscle in my body locked up and I lost all my color, took a bit to get back to a spot where I could move and talk properly because my speech was affected too. It was a bit scary but funny to think about in post. Thanked the medical staff for being patient w me as always, a good portion of the anxiety is also guilt about making things harder for them. Got through it tho. Def eat before presurgical if allowed, I didn’t and that probably didn’t help!!
———- SURGERY DAY ————-
January 8th:
Ok so surgery day:
This day was very scary. Got my phone call the Friday prior for my surgery time which ended up being 1pm and I was asked to arrive around 11. Got there at 10 and went in at 10:30.
Called up to check in then in waiting room till someone brought me back to change. I told her right away about my anxiety with the iv bc that’s legit all I could think about. Got changed right after. I was generally shaky and a little disoriented the entire time because I was panicking but everyone was very patient with me. Clothes and belongings go in a bag in a locker and you get two gowns one that faces back and one that faces front. I was given underwear and a pad as well because lucky me I got my period a couple days before my surgery.
The pre-op area is a lot of little cubicles with curtain divider things, blue soft chairs, and medical equipment. Everyone I met and spoke to was very kind, but any time someone even suggested starting my iv I would panic. I was informed it would have to be placed in my hand and that terrified me, I’m especially anxious and sensitive about my hands and fingers. I think doctors and nurses tend to misunderstand exactly where my fear is with needles and ivs. It isn’t the pain that scares me, but the concept of veins and and anything being in them. Even writing this right now is horrible so I’m going to stop w any further detail. I spent the entire two-ish hours of pre-op absolutely terrified about this iv.
I wasn’t really keeping track of time but dr whitehead came in to do markings for surgery. They had cool rainbow socks on,big fan. Having your chest drawn on and just like, moved around n shit is such an experience. Felt bad because I kept losing my balance but doctor Whitehead is cool and I am 98% less scared about them now.
Probably my most favorite person I met during my entire hospital experience was the anesthesiologist. I know he told me what his name was but I couldn’t focus on or retain information at the time. He told me we could essentially put me to sleep with gas before putting the iv in and for the first time in probably a solid week I felt like I could calm down a little. He took a look at my hand and arm to check my veins which always does freak me out a bit but I’m more used to that kind of thing at this point and I know nothing bad is going to happen. One of the nurses came in with the iv equipment and he let her know that were going to wait till in the or which was also incredibly helpful because I absolutely panicked when I saw that little supply kit again.
V nice lady brought me into the or, I’d never been in one before it was cool. They had a little music speaker which was really cool. Took off blue jacket gown and they helped me onto the table. They put a warm blanket over my legs and my chest to help me calm down. Before long they gave me a mask w fun happy sleepy time gas, they let me keep my arms on my chest for a while which was really nice because I was still scared. I started getting loopy pretty fast but I still heard when someone mentioned where the iv equipment was and panicked a little because of that. I remember feeling them take my hand for that but never actually felt anything happen. Just some fear but the gas was v helpful obvi. Someone said they would see me in a little bit, and then I was groggily waking up in recovery.
Recovery was a little rough bc the iv was still there (fully wrapped up so I couldn’t see it though which was rad) but I was still really anxious about it until it was taken out and when it was taken out. For anyone that struggles w this i did not feel them remove it, just the tape. Everything was mentally much easier after that. After a while, going over instructions w parents, a cracker , some ginger ale and some juice, my dad helped me Get dressed and I was helped out to the car in a wheel chair. Ride was smooth bc of remaining numbness and meds except a few Bumps in the road
TOP SURGERY GOTTEN
My post op date was scheduled for Jan 17th and that’s the day I got my drains out followed by several post op check-ins. First week of recovery was miserable but things exponentially approved each day past that, and I went back to school in person two weeks post-op with driving and item-carrying assistance from friends!
Will upload recovery notes at a later date! Feel free to message me with any questions, more than happy to answer and give info! I’m a bit over four months out from surgery now and thriving 🥳

I've been putting off watching the "final" chapter in the Star Wars movie series, and I didn't really know for sure why. I mean, it should be the ultimate climax and resolution to the whole story line, right? (to skip the exposition and get to the TLDR end, scroll down to here: 🞿 )
First, I should say that up to EP:6 (and maybe even Ep:7) I considered the whole series to be a story about Anakin Skywalker; his humble beginnings, his growth and training, him fighting along side Obi-Wan, then losing his way, falling to the Dark Side to be then redeemed by the son he never knew he had. Nice, eh? Wraps up most of that neatly. You could even say that I'm a fan of Vader (sort of) since he is the one that - in the end - chooses light and thus balances the Force as the Chosen One should have. (There was even an argument that he had already brought balance to the Force by going to the Dark Side as the Light Side / Jedi were very prevalent and powerful.)
So, with all that in mind, I didn't really expect the sequels to be about him anymore, and had come to terms with that and decided to try and enjoy EP:7 at the time, and EP:8 a bit later on, for what they were; echoes of the fighting and chaos that had gone on before and the consequences of the choices made earlier.
But then they went and put Vader's helmet in the movies. Well, OK, that's fine as I could see how it would have a powerful draw and significance to Dark Side practitioners, and I accepted that it was there. For his grandson to have it seemed only right and I was able to make my peace with its inclusion.
Episode 9 came out and I was going to see it in the theaters, but simply never got around to it, and had plans that got canceled, and got pretty ill at one point, and it just slipped from my calendar. As much as I tried to not listen to anything anyone was saying about Ep:9, well even the trailers I think basically said oh, Darth Sidious is involved somehow. I have to say that I was really shocked to hear that. Like, shocked into disbelief that in an entire Galaxy of possibilities, the filmmakers went back to that well of ideas.
So tonight I decided to watch EP:9 and had it queue up on my TV and was not excited at all about what was in store, in fact I had many reservations about how this would cap off the tale that spanned a majority of my lifetime. I had heard the memes and didn't put much stock into them, and tried to put them out of my head for a few hours.
🞿 I made it 15 minutes and 26 seconds before I pressed "Stop", ejected the DVD, and put it away.
"Somehow, Palpatine returned."
I couldn't believe it, I really still can't believe that they actually really went that direction. I thought it was just a silly meme, but they really did it. They did, and now I'm annoyed maybe a bit mad.
Putting aside the fact that it is lazy, really very lazy storytelling, and that it was delivered so blandly, and all of the other complaints about it, I find that there is one single thing that stands out to me: The reason I hate it is because it invalidates Vader's sacrifice and reduces its impact. It takes that entire 6 or 7 movie arc and smudges, disrespects, and cheapens it. Now there is no depth in Vader's sacrifice, or Luke's for that matter. Vader dies fighting a clone, saves Luke from a clone of the bad guy, a copy, maybe a bad copy, but the point is it wasn't the actual bad guy. It was instead slight of hand, a trick, a mirage of the actual bad guy that we've been sold on since the very first (ok, second) movie.
Think if you knew then what you knew now: that the Sheev Palpatine that is on Naboo (and is all creepy with Padme) isn't the real thing. That the scary Emperor reveal in Ep:5 is not the real dude, its a simulacrum of evil. A disposable dummy. One of how many? Not unique and not truly evil.
It really is too bad. I'm not going to watch the rest of it, what's the point?
✶Edit to add that the franchise, canon, and the Star Wars universe itself tells us that clones are lesser beings, cheap, easily created, and vastly disposable.
See: the Clone Wars, et al.
✶✶Edit: I am, of course, aware that I am late to the party and the grumbling about this film, and really posted this to get it out of my system I suppose. But maybe I am also looking for someone to convince me of an alternative theory or a different way of looking at things. Who knows? Reddit is crazy sometimes...

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