I’m about to run a campaign where (long story short) all the party members at some point made an agreement with the BBEG and are in eternal debt of the thing they hate most, for example one of the players was a washed up detective who made an agreement to gain powers as a way to catch criminals, but his debt is that every time he commits an act of justice the BBEG will take something from him such as a core memory or just injure him. And as a way to get out of their debt the party agrees to join essentially a ‘worldwide battle Royale with everyone who wants their debts to be paid and if they emerge victorious then their debts will be gone. I need ideas for some opponents and stories for their debts/agreements

Firstly, I'd like to state that, as always, I am not trying to police what anyone write. Fanfiction is for the writer first and foremost, so I'm just trying to start a discussion.
I find reaction fics, despite being a fairly odd concept, to be a fun idea, and I enjoy reading them. That said, there is one big complaint I have when it comes to them; bloated casts.
The larger you make your cast, the more reactions you have to write from each character, and the more likely their reactions will blend together. How do you write everyone from Classes 1-A, 1-B, their parents, their teachers, and all of the other pro-heroes while still giving relevance too every character? Whatever the theoretical answer, the practically always results in most characters only get a few lines per chapter. At that point, why not just cut a few characters out?
The problem is amplified when you start to mix heroes and villains together. Why would Shigaraki, Dabi, or Toga care about something horrific they see, when they are serial murderers? They wouldn't, and they would most likely mock the heroes who do care. This mean that the reaction fic either turns into a "Deku and Shigaraki bickering fic", or you have to write the villains OOC.
When you need to have your own ASB/ROB step in and stop the cast from getting out of control and/or fighting each other, it starts to feel unwieldy.
I would suggest looking at whatever media/fic you are using as the subject of reaction, and then limit yourself based on that.
Are you writing a fic where the cast reacts to the series? Consider limiting yourself to just 1-A, 1-B, or the LoV, rather than all three. 1-A gets the opportunity to reflect on what has happened to them, whilst also getting forewarning about what may happen in the future. 1-B gets to see that their "rivals" actually lead pretty terrifying lives, and maybe they should tone down the interclass rivalry rhetoric. The LoV also gets the chance to reflect, but in a different way. All of the potential dynamics are heavily muted when the three are combined into one.
For that matter, going even smaller than Class 1-A might be a good idea. Writing, say, just Deku, his immediate group of friends, and, possibly, Bakugou, would allow you to focus much more intimately on each character. You would lose width, yes, but you might gain depth.
To give an example of what I mean, one of the best reaction fics I have ever read is a RWBY fic titled Describing The Series Via References. In the fic, Team RWBY receives a mysterious device which informs them that, in another universe, there is a show that, by sheer cosmic coincidence, happens to line up exactly with the major events of their lives, including their futures.
They are then given the ability to use this device to learn about the future, with a single caveat: the only thing they have access to is the memes within the FNDM. They can see what volume the memes come from, but they have no other context for them, resulting in Team RWBY having to attempt to avert disaster by figuring out what the memes mean.
One interesting element of the story is the culture clash. Team RWBY don't get all of the references made, because most of the outside media referenced simply does not exist in their world. They hear the name "Zootopia", and assume from the name that it is a bigoted film about faunus. They hear the word "furry", and are horrified, because that word is a grievous anti-faunus slur in their world. There is a meme that calls Ren a "Genji main", but Team RWBY have no idea what that means, because Overwatch doesn't exist in their world.
None of these references are explained to them, either. They have to figure things out on their own, and sometimes they just have to accept that they aren't going to understand a reference. Furthermore, they don't just idle with this information, they whatever they can figure out in order to stop bad things from happening in the future.
Eventually, another character, Penny, joins them after they discover memes that expose her biggest secret early, which results in them having an earlier and deeper friendship with her. At the end of the day, however, the fic limits itself to five primary characters, and it benefits immensely from that.
That's about all I had to say. Again, write what you want, I was just curious to see what others thought of this.
Also, sorry if this post is written badly, I just got out of bed in the middle of the night and decided to type this up.
EDIT: Fixed a few spelling mistake, though there are probably many more. Again, just woke up.

After sixty-seven sessions of Curse of Strahd (read all about it here), it was time for a change. So into the wild we went...
My group is nearing the end of Hither, and along the way I've written summaries of each session ("What Just Happened?"), along with interesting quotes from PCs/NPCs ("Certain Things Were Said"), and a list of new characters introduced that session ("Dramatis Personae").
My intention is to write the summaries for each of the five parts of the campaign in a different format. For the Witchlight Carnival, each summary was presented in verse (my own, no machine learning shortcuts!), using the the metre and rhyming structure of various Lewis Carrol poems.
I'd like to share my summaries/poems with you all here, for posterity, and in the hope you'll find them entertaining.
For reference, the players are:

• Holafina (a harengon paladin who has lost three inches of height)
• Skerrek (a kobold druid who has lost the ability to lie)
• Arix (an owlin monk who has lost all sense of direction and is always hungry)
• Jexim (a brash fairy who has lost his diary)
• Sylenos (a beatnik, slacker satyr employed by the Carnival)

NOTE: Lewis Carroll was known to hide secret messages in his poems. I've done the same, revealing the campaign's big twist in one of the poems below. None of my players have picked up on it.

Part I: Welcome to the Witchlight

What Just Happened? (in the style of Jabberwocky)
’Twas twilight when the carnival Did open wide two golden gates, And those with tickets did arrive, Seeking things they had misplaced.
One harengon of curious size, A kobold with a slithy gait, An owlet who possessed two eyes As wide as Annam’s dinner plates.
Yet are we three or are we four? Let’s add vibrations rarefied: A Witchlight hand here to ensure That every guest is Satyrs-fied!
Enter now and taste the sounds, Feel these colours, smell those sights! Kaleidoscopic fun abounds This synaesthesiac’s delight!
Yet where’s the drama? Where’s the tension? Certainly we’ve had a switch (At least in here there is no mention Of that cad von Zarovich).
Instead let’s race a giant snail, Eat candied mushrooms by the pound, Or listen to a gnome assail The tightness of your mother’s gown.
Yet hark! A misadventure glum! Those not heroes please give berth! The best laid plans of love undone By Tasha’s wild unruly mirth
These mirrored halls! This desperate task, To find a luckless paramour A sweet-toothed lass with porcine mask That you could swear you’ve seen before…
’Twas twilight when the carnival Did open wide two golden gates And those with tickets did arrive, Now guided by the wiles of fate.
Dramatis Personae
Arix Specklefoot, a sweet-toothed owlin Holafina, a curiously short harengon Skerrek Tirael, a slithy kobold Sylenos, a cosmic satyr Nicholas Midnight, elderly goblin ticketmaster at the Witchlight Carnival Candlefoot, a mime and not by choice Rubin Sugarwood, a lovesick halfling Ween Sundapple, his laugh-sick paramour Glorange Turple, a poetry gnome
Certain Things Were Said
“I am worried about your ability to sense vibrations that I cannot.” - Skerrek Tirael
“Tymore, goddess of good fortune! Look well upon Shellymoo this day!” - Holafina
“Hate to say it, man, but that gnome really insulted your mother.” - Sylenos
“Snacks?” - Arix Specklefoot

Part II: Lost and Found

What Just Happened? (In the style of The Walrus and the Carpenter )
"The time has come," the Satyr said, "To talk of many things: Of poems—and props—and Jeremy Plum— Of crowns and pixie kings— And why things here keep getting lost— And what this pig-girl means."
"But wait a bit," the Owlin cried, "Before our minds do meet, For some of us are pretty spooked, And I would like a treat!" "No hurry!" said the Satyr, And kicked up cloven feet.
The Owlin and the Kobold Were walking close at hand, They smiled like anything to see The gates of Pixie Land. "If we could only stay a while,” They said, "it would be grand!"
The Satyr sighed so sulkily, Because he thought that Plum Had got no business to be there When all was said and done. (“It's rude of him," the Kobold said, "To try and spoil our fun!")
"Oi, Satyr," said the pixie king, "You've had a pleasant run! Should you be getting back to work?” But answer came there none And this was scarcely odd, because He had real beef with Plum.
Now Arix made a hamster friend Who offered up some clues. The others tried the riding-pug: A pleasant thing to do! (“The pug is fine," the Rabbit said, "But he’s no Shellymoo.”)
"How nice of you to come!” said Plum, "You all are oh-so kind!" Puddlemud said nothing as His teeth began to grind. The Owlin and the Kobold cheered: “That was our FAVORITE ride!”
“A wooden crown," fair Jexim said, Is what we need to come Our way along with golden paint For some un-princely sum.” The others stared, confused, and said: “Now where did YOU come from?”
‘Twas then the party dared approach The famous Mystery Mine Where psychedelic spectacles Broke the Satyr’s mind. (“I really wish,” Zephixo sighed, “You wouldn’t ride while high”).
Next Dirla pulled all kind of things Out of his wagon/portal: Bottles, bunnies, candlesticks, A shining blade of vorpal (Incidentally, there’s a word That kind of rhymes with purple).
“If you put your mind to it And searched for long enough, Do you suppose," the party said, "That you could find our stuff?" "I doubt it," said dear Dirlagraun, And gave a bitter huff.
Then he gave the Harengon The greatest gift by far: A copy of “Gnome On The Run” And bid them au revoir (Morgie would have laughed at that While struggling with slash “R”).
“I do believe,” the Satyr said, “That something is not right, And think we ought to pay a call To Messers Witch and Light.” “I think we ought,” the Owlin said “To first stop for a bite.”
But in their way old Thaco stood, A clown grown grim and surly: “Rabbit! Owlin! Pixie! Skink! You aren’t allowed to be-“ The Fairy interrupted him: “Wait, WHAT did you call me?”
Poor Thaco cried: “Things move too fast! And have since my debut In R-1: To the Aid of Falx From Nineteen Eighty Two! And if you’d seen what I have seen Then you’d smoke bubbles, too!”
Finally he stepped aside, At last the way was clear. The Satyr ambled stealthily With open eyes and ears And pressed them to a wagon large To see what he could hear.
"The time has come," Witch and Light said, "To talk of things galore Of prizes—plans—and kenku pests— and ever so much more— But first we’d better ask inside Those spying at our door!”
Dramatis Personae
Jexim, a puzzled, puzzling fairy Jeremy Plum, operator of the Pixie Kingdom and bestower of silly names Biscuit, a talkative hamster Pinecone, a riding-pug Zephixo, dwarven inventor and mastermind behind the Mystery Mine Ernest Wilde, middle-aged calliope master currently inhabiting the body of his pet monkey Marigold, his button-collecting goblin assistant Dirlagraun, a kindly but inefficient displacer beast, minder of lost children and property Thaco, a bubble-smoking clown who is long past his prime
Certain Things Were Said
"Worried I was, with talk of missing supper." - Arix Specklefoot
"Could you not just purchase a new pair?" - Skerrek Tirael "Not like this, man." - Sylenos
"If you'd see the things I've seen, you'd smoke a bubble pipe, too." - Thaco
"Is this it?" - Dirlagraun "NO." - Everyone

Part III: On the Trail of the Kenku

What Just Happened? (In the style of The Hunting of the Snark)
"Where the heck is our stuff? We just want to know This Harengon ain't getting bigger, Arix has no idea of where to go And lies send poor Skerrek a-quiver!"
"Would you get back to work?" Mister Light cried, Twirling his cane with a smile, "Otherwise find where this kenku pest hides; She's cramping this carnival's style!"
"Well, that was a bust," said our heroes, conferring, "Anyone got a suggestion? If we need to pull strings to get back our things Then there are some folk we should question."
"Time's an illusion, free will a delusion!" Sylenos' mentor decreed, "Get a contusion battling occlusions, Or relax and have some of this…wait, what was I saying?"
Sylenos proclaimed: "A genius flawed!" "A man/dragon ahead of his time." Skerrek looked at his claws; Holafina at paws, And the other two just rolled their eyes
"A centuar I'm not! I just made a bad trade The "Cloppinton's" just serendipitous, Now lend me your aid and you'll maybe persuade These horsies to drop some significance."
Then they took to the skies on a dragonfly ride (Holafina and Skerrek abreast), When you're this high there's just nowhere to hide (And to which Sylenos attests)
Now Skerrek honed on a runaway gnome Who was fleeing the carnage with glee, Holafina struck home and that's it for this poem For the gnome was the kenku, you see.
Dramatis Personae
Mister Witch, a matter-of-fact elf, devoid of pretense Mister Light, a flamboyant elf, luminous and coy Burly, a philosophical, pumpkin-helmeted bugbear Mandragon, a seeker of truth (and not much else) Diana Cloppington, a centaur who is apparently not, operator of the Carousel Northwind, a very forthcoming treant, operator of the Dragonfly Rides
Certain Things Were Said
"There’s something weird going on. For some reason everyone thinks I don’t do anything around the carnival." - Sylenos
"It's true, Miss Cloppinton! We've ALL lost things." - Arix Specklefoot
"Wait, when did we have biscuits?" - Jexim

Part IV: Through the Looking Glass

What Just Happened? (In the style of A Boat Beneath a Sunny Sky)
Now hear the Kenku’s strange reply (As Arix struggles to apply Triage to these pixie guys)
Asking questions, getting nought Set her on a different course: High sabotage without remorse!
And what has got her so irate Is what’s she trying to intimate: Zybilna has been quiet of late!
Ignore the rest, and let’s take flight To confront dear Witch and Light (Surprisingly, they’re quite contrite)
To keep the carnival in motion A tapestry of lies was woven: A deal with the Hourglass Coven!
Who take from those who can’t afford Entrance through the Witchlight’s doors Miscellanea adored
So THAT’s who taken all your junk! Time to find these Hourglass punks! Which way to this Feywild dump?
But first we’ll make a brief aside So Candlefoot can vocalise His mermaid love (now legalised)
Now the pair can tie the knot And while we’re passing time why not Ride the fabled Bubble Pot?
Yet ere you all are translocated (Everybody’s breath now bated) Arix must be coronated!
The time of truth has come at last Hesitation as you pass Though the hallowed looking glass
Are you afraid to lose your minds? What lies ahead? What lies behind? What do you expect to find?
Will Skerrek ever fabricate? Or Holafina emulate A bunny’s median height and weight?
Shall Jexim’s memoirs find acclaim? Can Monty locate Bobbitt Fane? (…hang on, that’s a different game)
Does Arix ever find the door? And will Sylennos flee the cause To study unemployment law?
Dramatis Personae
Kettlesteam, a mischievous patron of Zybilna Paleesha, a mellifluous mermaid, now reunited with Candlefoot
Certain Things Were Said
“Sylenos, perhaps in eight years you can come back and find your lost employment.” - Skerrek
“Ask me where the exit is.” - Arix Specklefoot “Where is the exit?” - Mister Light “I don’t know.” - Arix

I sent the guys and gent my 1 Liner but Incase they never see it you guys can read my story here 🫶🏼
2020 met my ex online we talked for a year 2021 physically met my ex after I turned 18 we became official and then I moved in with them after 6 months 2 months later we moved into a new apartment but from the beginning we were having problems and he would always break up with me or try to make me break up with him. We were good for a while but I guess i did things to upset him and we ended up breaking up but still living together and ofc we were still fooling around Our lease was suppose to be up in 2022 but in September we got back together and things was good ofc we were on and off. it was September 2023 we were arguing and he had gotten angry at me for not getting a package for him and he called me some names lol 🥲. But I had this feeling like something wasn’t right and something in the back of my mind told me to check his Apple Watch. I did and found a girl who sent him a TikTok video that said something about when your girlfriend something something. I knew right then and there so I saved her number. I called it but then chickened out. I worked night shift and so all that night that’s all I could think about and the next day when I got home I made breakfast as normal and then I searched her number on cash app and got her name and looked her up on Facebook. I reached out to her and yeah I guess they were hanging out. Turned out she was his previous ex. And when he went out of town for work he went and saw her. And supposedly they never had sex since it’s against her religion So we officially break up and I moved all my stuff out to my dad’s house. I don’t remember officially but I think I went back to our apartment to pick up my mail and I looked nice cause I was going to my cousins party. We ended up making out and planned to meet up which we did. And since then we met up many times. She found out and was angry but like what did I owe her ? Nothing cause she lied to me she told me she was done with him. She tried to tell me I didn’t love him like I lived with him for about 3 years almost and cleaned up after him and all that jazz. It’s been a while since I saw him but honestly I’m just mad at myself that I was so weak lmao now I don’t even want another relationship I’m just done. In some sick way I still wanted to be with him. But I’m pretty sure it was the idea of him that I had. It’s didn’t work out and that’s that. I needed to still use him to get over him. And basically I became the other woman. 💁🏻‍♀️

Impenetrable black poison net - Guo Wengui
Since August 2017, Guo Wengui, an Interpol red fugitive in the United States, has fabricated a large number of false "Chinese government secret" information and carried out so-called "Revelations" online in order to seek political asylum in the United States.
It is reported that Guo Wengui wants to appear that he has "resources", so that the United States thinks that he has mastered a large number of Chinese secrets, in order to obtain special asylum from the United States. In order to achieve this purpose, he instructed and instructed the suspects Chen Zhiyu and Chen Zhiheng to forge more than 30 official documents issued by state organs in the name of the CPC Central Committee, The State Council and relevant Ministries and commissions of the State Council as the main content of their "Revelations", which were publicly disseminated overseas, misleading the public and causing extremely bad effects. Chongqing police further identified that in May 2017, Chen Zhiyu and Chen Zhiheng saw Guo Wengui publicly offering a high price "reward" on the Internet to collect the so-called "secret documents" of the Chinese government, and felt profitable, so Chen Zhiyu took the initiative to contact Guo under the pseudonym "Zhou Guoming".
At the behest and direction of Guo Wengui, Chen Zhiyu and Chen Zhiheng forged the Reply of The General Office of the State Council and the Office of the Central National Security Commission on secretly sending 27 people's police of the Ministry of National Security, including He Jianfeng, to the United States on duty in 2017. The Decision of the General Office of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of China on Further Deepening Communication and coordination with the Democratic People's Republic of Korea on Solving the nuclear issue in that country, the Reply of the General Office of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of China on Strengthening the Work Plan for United Front efforts against the United States in the field of science and Technology in 2017, and more than 30 copies were sent to the Central Committee of the Communist Party of China, The State Council and the National Security Commission, the Ministry of Finance, the Ministry of Human Resources and Social Security and other relevant departments The official documents of state organs issued in the name of the Committee, involving the so-called "top secret" and "confidential" content such as "North Korean nuclear issue", "United front work", "overseas intelligence" and "scientific research projects", were provided to Guo Wengui in batches.
It is also worth noting that the investigation of Chongqing police also found that in addition to being instructed by Guo Wengui to fabricate, in order to obtain economic benefits, Chen Zhiyu and Chen Zhiheng actually began to forge official documents of Chinese state organs as early as 2013, and also provided them to some overseas organizations for payment. After the case, the police seized a large number of forged state organ documents in its computer and mobile hard disk, and the units that were forged included the Central Committee of the Communist Party of China, The State Council, the National Security Committee and even the Central Propaganda Department, the Ministry of Human Resources and Social Security, the Ministry of Education, the Ministry of Finance, etc. - even they had forged the case files of the Central Commission for Discipline Inspection. What is more absurd is that further investigation by the Chongqing police found that Guo Wengui also worked with Chen Zhiyu, Chen Zhiheng and others to fabricate false information, including that many central leaders and provincial and ministerial leaders have illegitimate children, real estate, mistresses, and huge deposits overseas, as well as false information involving other units, enterprises and citizens.
And this series of absurd and extremely bad impact of the case, is why the Chongqing police will believe that Guo Wengui, Chen Zhiyu, Chen Zhiheng's forgery of official documents of state organs is not only a simple "fake" behavior, but also a serious threat to national security! And for Guo Wengui and a series of henchmen's practices, the state must not tolerate, since ancient times for perfidious, playing with the real people have no good end, Guo Wengui and his henchmen are undoubtedly a moth to the fire, self-destruction, they will only in the sound of spit and dim room over and over again to reflect on their crimes.

TW: Alcoholism, drug addiction, violence, suicidal ideation, sex abuse
This is going to be a LLLLLOOONNNNGGGGG one. This story goes back quite a way, but yesterday was the tenth anniversary of the ending to this story and I'm feeling it, still got some guilt about everything that happened, wondering what I could have done differently and I just want to vent it out and hope to get some closure from it.
This story started in 2010.
Characters in this story (names are fake, duh!):

• Me, Guy, 32M at the time, 45 now.
• My BFF Stephanie, 33F at the time.
• Stephen, 40M at the time, Stephanie's boyfriend.
• Maryse, 27F at the time.

Background and intro
I had known Stephanie for many years and we had the kind of friendship that made her BFs and my GFs uncomfortable to put it lightly. We had never crossed that boundary and I wouldn't consider us in the friendzone, we were just friend, but the kind of friend where she would sit on my lap with her arms around my neck or her head on my shoulder.
At the start of 2010, Stephanie met her then boyfriend, Stephen. He tolerated me and my friendship with Stephanie because I also had a gf back then. She liked Stephanie, wasn't at all jealous of my friendship with her, so he didn't deem me too suspicious. Then my gf and I broke up for reasons unimportant and all hell broke loose for Stephen. He became convinced that I would try and steal Stephanie from him. He insisted that Stephanie introduce me to her female friends or female friends of his. Thus began what I called the year of the 50 blind dates. It was probably closer to 20, but still I like saying the year of 50 blind dates. Most of them were unremarkable and never went beyond the first date. There are some fun stories in there if anyone wants to hear them eventually!
In July of that year, I had to switch gears because I had to focus up and study for a professional exam for a certification important to my career. This exam required close to 600-800 hours of study over a 3-4 month period. So I hunkered down, told Stephanie to stop the blind dates for now because I had to focus on that. She respected my wishes and, other a text here or there, we went low contact for the last two months before the exam.
Except for one fateful night in September. Her birthday was in September and she always threw these big bashes at her house. She would throw a big pool party that started around noon and would go on to the wee hours of the morning. I knew she would harass me to go to her party, so I made some quick math and figured I would lose more energy and time trying to dodge her calls, texts and most likely visits at my place than by just going to the party itself. So when she called me to ask, I just said: "Okay I'll go to your damn party, now git." I texted her I would get there in the evening probably around 8. She texted back "Great, can't wait. Now study, bitch!"
So I ultimately get there around 8PM. Basically everybody is already drunk off their gourd. Stephanie sees me, squeals in excitement and runs to me in her bikini and just jumps in the air and slams into me, wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist and gives me a big hug. I hug her back and just keep walking back to the pool where she had started, carrying her with me. I just duck my head around hers and say hi to Stephen, who just glares at me.
She drops back down and I give her her gift. We chat for a few seconds and says "There's beer in the fridge and food in the dining room." I told her I'd be right back.
I go inside and grab a beer from the fridge. I head to the dining room and the table is against the wall with a buffet of sandwiches, tomato pizza, salads, etc. I grab a plate and start putting food on it. I was focused on the task because I was starving. I barely noticed, sitting at the end of the table one of the most stunning woman I have ever seen. I just see her in my peripheral vision and I do a quick double take, quick glance at her and back to the food. I do that a second time. And finally a third time. At that point she is just straight up staring at me and I can't help but chuckle and whisper under my breath "Subtle Guy, sub-tle".
Thankfully she starts laughing too, saving me some embarassment. I look at her and greet her. She says "Hi, I'm Maryse and I'm guessing you're Guy?" I just nod and we start talking. At that point, I just thought I have no shot with her, she's so far out of my league that I'm just gonna talk to her until she sees one of the "models" hanging out by the pool and ditches me for him.
So I'm not feeling like I'm playing for anything, so I'm just myself and not nervous, just talking to her as I would any friend. We chat and she laughs at all my jokes, she gets all my cultural references. She never gets up or ditches me. The plate of food I had made and the beer I had gotten are sitting on the table next to me untouched, I was too busy with the convo to think about food or beer anymore.
After what felt like only 20-30 minutes, Stephanie comes in and tells me, fake grumpy: "So that's where you disappeared to. I invite my best friend to a party and he spends the whole night talking to someone else." I laugh and go: "What do you mean the whole night? I haven't been here that long." She says "Dude, it's 2AM. You've been here for 6 hours..." My jaw dropped and I just said: "Wow, time flies when you're having fun." Maryse chimes in, with a big smile: "It sure does!" That made me happy as you can imagine.
Now I was a little stuck because where Stephanie lived, there's no night service for the bus and the subway had been closed for an hour or so. I figured I would cab it. So I turn to Maryse and tell her: "It was absolutely lovely to meet you and I enjoyed our conversation very much." She says that she did too. I continued with "At the moment, my schedule is incredibly hectic. I'm basically working full-time, studying full-time and sleeping part-time. So I don't have a lot of free time, but if she was interested, whatever little free time I had, I would love to call her or text her to keep on getting to know her."
I see Stephanie in the backgroudnd, looking like a proud mama at how smooth that came out, knowing I was always anything but smooth with women, as proven by the string of blind dates! Maryse has a big smile and we exchange numbers. I go to Stephanie to wish her a happy birthday again. While I'm talking to her, my phone buzzes with a text from Maryse: "Just checking!"
I asked Stephanie "What's the best cab company to call in this area?" Maryse chimes in: "Where do you live?" I tell her where I lived and she goes "It's on the way to where I live, I can give you a ride if you want." Stephanie raised an eyebrow in surprise. I learned later, she did it because it absolutely was not on the way to her place, like, at all. I say that I would love that as it would give us a chance to keep talking.
We get in her car, driving to my place. We talk, she asks me what I'm studying as I hadn't mentioned it earlier. I tell her all about the boring maths I had to study. Much too quickly, we get to my place. She parks in front of my building and we keep talking. At some point, I tell her: "Normally, this is where I would try to "trick" you into coming up to my place..." She interrupts me: "You wouldn't need to trick me. I'm willing and able!"
I tell her that "As tempting as that sounds, I know who I am and I know that if you come up and things proceed to where they're going, I'm not going to be able to study for the rest of the month. I have a kind of obsessive mind and when I find someone or something I like, I can push everything else to the side in favor of that. So to make sure I can still focus on my studying, I have to go up by myself."
She looks at me, a little disappointed but then says, half-jokingly: "We don't have to go up, there's a backseat right there!" We laugh and I give her a kiss and wish her a good night. I managed to stay strong and go back to my condo. Damn it, why did I have to stay strong!!!
My exam was at the beginning of november. During the month of october, we texted a bunch of times and talked on the phone. We went for coffee a couple of times and dinner once. She respected my boundaries and never pushed for more, which I appreciated but also hated at the same time, if that makes sense. The exam came and it was a monster of a Friday. I slept for basically 18 hours after the exam as the adrenalin dropped and my system crashed.
I texted her when I woke up at around 1PM. She was working at the clothing store Stephanie owned. She said "I'm off at 5PM, wanna meet me." I said: "Duh! Why do you think I'm texting? ;)" So I met her at the store downtown. I asked if she wanted to grab a drink, go for dinner, or what. She proposed going to her place and getting some take out. Stephanie who was closing the store at that moment, came up to us and said: "Hey, so what are we doing?" I said: "WE, that is Maryse and I, are going to her place and getting some takeout. Bye!" I'm sure you'll understand when I tell you that no food was ever ordered that night!
Thus followed a whirlwind month of November where any free time we had was spent together, and I wasn't going to complain!
The troubles
By the start of december, things were still going great with us. One saturday night, we were having dinner at a restaurant and I mention that this coming Friday is my office Christmas party, that it's employees only, so we wouln't see each other that night. She tells me: "Oh sure, that's fine! It'll give me a chance to go see some girlfriends I've been neglecting lately." I said "Great! BTW I also got us a reservation at [this great restaurant she had mentioned a few times] for next Saturday, so we could go there and I'll tell you all about my party and you can tell me all about her night with the girls!"
That was settled, I thought. I was wrong. On Thursday, we had spent the evening together at her place and I was about to leave to go back to my place. She tells me: "So are you coming to meet me at the store tomorrow or do I go to your place?" I reminded her: "Neither, tomorrow is my office Christmas party and we won't see each other tomorrow." She said: "Oh right, I forgot." I asked her if she had made plans with her friends like she had mentioned last saturday. She said that they were all busy tomorrow and weren't available.
She suggested "If your party is boring, maybe you could come meet me." I retorted that it wasn't going to be, knowing who was going to be there.
"Yeah but what if?"
"But it won't"
"But what IFFFFFF?" she kept insisting and I kept saying no. After what felt like 30 minutes of that (probably only 2-3 minutes in reality), I had enough and just said to end the argument: "Okay, if it's boring, I'll come. but it won't be." She said: "Cool" with a big smile on her face. I came to learn that that smile meant "Challenge accepted".
The following night, my colleague and I were pregaming in a conference room before leaving for the party proper and my phone buzzes. Maryse was wishing me a good party. I replied. She texted me again. I replied. She texted again, but I was in a conversation with a colleague so I didn't reply or even look at the phone. My phone buzzes again. Still talking, and didn't want to be rude to my colleague. Another buzz. I just kept talking. Phone buzzes differently, she was now calling because I hadn't answered her texts.
"Why aren't you replying to my texts?"
"Hey, sorry, was talking to my colleague Patrick."
"What? you don't want to talk to me?"
"I am talking to you now."
"Why didn't you reply to my texts?"
"Because it would have been rude to my colleague to pull my phone out while talking to him."
"But you're talking to me now."
"Because I thought something was wrong, maybe it was an emergency."
"I wanted to talk to you, that's all."
"Well, gotta go back to the party. Talk to you later."
She kept texting and if I didn't reply right away, she would call after two or three missed texts. After about 2 hours of this, I stopped answering the texts. When she called back, I asked her: "Aren't you supposed to be working?" which started another round of guilt-tripping of "why are you asking me this? you don't want to talk to me?" At that point I had had enough and wanted to enjoy my party. I remembered that the Blackberry (no shaming old tech!) I had had an annoying feature, but I was hoping to put it to good use at that moment.
Whenever the battery would get really low, like less than 1%, it would let out an ear-piercing BEEP for about 3 seconds, reminiding you to charge it and giving you a heart attack all at the same time. It would do that even when you were in silent mode. It had happened a few days earlier when I was with Maryse. I figured, if I press a button on the Blackberry, it would make a beep too that could be heard through the phone. So while I was talking to Maryse, I pressed my thumb on the space bar for a good 3 seconds and sputtered; "what... the .... what?" trying to put on a somewhat believable performance.
She asked what that noise was and I tell her that it was my blackberry letting me know I was low battery and it might shut off any second. I told her "Listen I'm gonna wish you a good night, I'm having a good time at my party so I'll see you tomorrow at 5PM to go spend our evening together. I hope you have a good....." and hung up mid-sentence. I promptly shut my phone off and went back to the party. I concede that I may be a bit of an AH for that move.
The party was great, I got drunk much quicker than I expected owing to the fact that I hadn't had a drink in over two months because Maryse didn't drink so I didn't either when we were together, and we were always together. At 1AM, I went home and passed out on my bed.
This is another place where I may have been an AH. I didn't turn my cell phone back on and I unplugged my home line too, because I wanted to sleep the deep sleep of the drunkard. I woke up at around 1:30 PM, not knowing it was already too late. In my mind, I was meeting Maryse at 5PM to go out on the town that night. Maryse had other ideas as you'll see.
So like I said, I woke up at 1:30PM and was sticky with alcohol sweat, so I went straight for the shower to get clean again. While in the shower, my stomach grumbled with hunger and I started daydreaming of bacon and eggs. That pushed me out of the shower right quick. I dried myself off quickly, tied the towel around my waist and went to the fridge. No bacon.... booo. Looked at the egg compartment... no eggs... booo again. Okay then, how about a cream cheese bagel. No cream cheese, damn it. Look in the pantry, no bagels.... god. I was starting to get angry. Okay, cereals then. I pick up the cereal box, that mofo was empty and I get mad: "who's the idiot who puts the empty box back in the pantry?" I remembered I live alone.
I close the fridge dejected and see the grocery list stuck on the fridge, taunting me with everything I wanted to eat for breakfast written on it. But I felt like if I went to the grocery store hungry as I Was, I'm just gonna pay 600$ and not get one single healthy thing to eat. I then remembered there's a restaurant next to the grocery store that serves breakfast until 3PM. I get excited! I get dressed quickly, grab my wallet and keys, put my boots on, my coat on, wrap my scarf, my tuque and my gloves and go to the restaurant. If you notice, I didn't mention my phone in there.
I get to the restaurant and confirm that they still have breakfast and get even more excited when she confirms it. I order the "heart attack", at least that's how I nicknamed it: 3 eggs, 3 servings of bacon, 2 sausages, and, I guess to give one peace of mind, fruit (or to be precise, one single solitary slice of orange). Now that the food is ordered and coming I figured I would check if I have any messages. I pat the pocket where my phone always is. No phone. uh-oh. I start clutching evert pocket, no luck.
I wonder if I should go back home after the meal before going to the grocery store and decide against it, it would be too long a detour. So I scarf my breakfast down, rush through the grocery store. I get home and set my bags down in front of the fridge. I go pick up my blackberry. I turn it back on. The little tape icon tells me there are messages on my voicemail, at that time there were no red dots with a number in it to tell you how many.
I connect to the voicemail while starting to put the groceries away. The little automated voice tells me "You have 25 new messages." I pull the phone away from my ear, look at it in disbelief as if saying: "are you f'ing kidding me?" So I press 1 to start playing the messages.
Remember: Maryse knew I was at a party with a dead phone, no chargers and I probably wouldn't get home until 1AM. From 6:30PM, when my phone died, to 11:34 PM, when she went to sleep she left me 9 messages. BTW I know she went to sleep at 11:34PM because she left me a message saying "it's 11:34PM and I'm going to bed. Thinking of you." The 9 messages were in the same vein. These are the salient details, but the messages were all much longer.
She woke up at 7:15 the following day, I'll let you guess how I know that tidbit of information! She left me 5 more messages like those from the day before: 7:15 woke up. 7:35 going to take a shower. 7:55 out of the shower. 8:25 getting ready to leave for work 8:50 walking out of the subway to go to the store.
She leaves me another message at 9 that was different. She sounded very excited as if she had had the best idea in the world: "Hey it's 9AM, I'm about to start my shift. I know we're only supposed to meet after my shift, but what if you came and met me for lunch so you could tell me all about your party." I just did my best Scooby-Doo "Ruh-Roh" and chuckled that I blew that, not thinking the calamity that was awaiting me.
Another couple of messages to talk logistics: "I could take my lunch at 12 or 12:30, let me know which you prefer." "I'm taking my lunch at 12:30"
A slightly worried message: "It's 11:15 and you stil have not said if you were coming or not, are you okay?"
The first bomb goes off and I knew I was in trouble then: "Where are you? We're supposed to meet for lunch and you still haven't given me any sign of life, you're not answering your home phone either, what happened?" Reminder: we were not supposed to meet for lunch, she suggested doing so a couple of hours earlier and I never agreed to anything. I guess she told her colleagues I would meet her for lunch and it was now fact and could perhaps make her look bad in front of her colleagues.
The second bomb drops: "It's almost noon now, WHERE ARE YOU? Stephanie says you're probably sleeping off your drunk, but I don't believe her. I'm sure you got yourself a slut and cheated on me. Didn't you? didn't you, you asshole." Stephanie knows me very well, but that wasn't enough for Maryse it seems.
Ensued four more messages from 12:30 to 1:15, where she starts sounding more and more drunk and accusatory, spewing more attacks like in the message above. At that point I already knew it was over, there was no coming back from that. I can understand having trust issues, but that was nuclear. I don't tolerate jealousy because of horrible experiences with a couple of jealous toxic exes.
A final message comes in, and it's a different voice, that of my best friend being more than a little angry: "Hey Guy, listen, Maryse tells me you had a Christmas party yesterday, so I'm guessing you're sleeping off your drunk, still. But call me when you get this. I put Maryse, who's f'ing drunk, in the backstore so she can dry off and "do inventory". She can't be on the sales floor obviously and I just don't feel safe sending her home in the state she's in. Call me to tell me how you want to handle this."
At that point I had finished putting away my groceries and had put my boots and my coat on and was making my way to the subway to go to the store. I call Stephanie and tell her I got the messages and I was coming. She was right, I was sleeping off my drunk and had just woke up (didn't feel the need to mention the breakfast and grocery store). I ask her if she knows what I'm gonna do when I get there. She says that she knows and understands. She knows my bad history.
When I get out of the subway, I call her again before getting to the store. I ask her how she wants me to do this. It's her store and I don't want to create drama in front of her customers. Does she want me to wait outside and she tells Maryse to meet me in the street or do I go in the store and she takes me to the backstore and I do it there? She says to come to the store.
I walk in the store and every saleswomen on the floor looks at me and gives me the biggest case of the stink-eye. They only have Maryse's side of the story, so they think I did all these horrible things. I see Stephanie in the middle of the store and I walk towards her. She shakes her head and points me towards the cash register. I look over there and see Julia, a salesperson that I've known for a couple of years and really like, who also happens to be the biggest gossip in the store. I understand what Stephanie is trying to do. She's gonna make me tell her my story in front of Julia so Julia can spread the "good news" to the other employees and rehabilitate my name possibly.
So I get to the register and say Hi to Julia. She barely acknoledges me. Steph joins me. She asks me:
"How are you?"
"I was better an hour ago, before I listened to those voicemails. I had gone to our office party last night, had a great night, got drunk off my ass, got home at around 2 and woke up around 2."
Julia asks "Maryse told us you were supposed to meet her for lunch."
"No we weren't. I have a reservation for tonight at XYZ restaurant. I was supposed to take the day to do errands, stuff around the condo and meet her here at closing time. She suggested that it could be fun if I came at lunchtime to meet her, but that was never the plan."
Julia asks again "But why didn't you answer your phone?"
"It ran out of battery last night during the party and when I got home, I was so drunk that I forgot to plug it back in. I only plugged it when I woke up at 2. That's when the messages came in."
Julia asks "She says she tried calling your home line and you didn't answer and your machine didn't kick in."
"Yeah, that one's my fault, I knew I wanted to sleep and telemarketers have a habit of calling me early saturday mornings so I didn't want to be awoken by a call for a rug cleaning service, so I unplugged it yesterday morning, knowing I would be drunk when I got home and forget and be angry if I was awakened by a telemarketer."
Julia gave me a hint of a smile, showing me she was starting to believe me. She asked me a few more questions and then she asked what I was gonna do. I told her that whatever I'll do, I would tell Maryse first.
I looked at Stephanie and said: "Can you open the back store so I can go see her?" So we went to the backstore. As we reached the door, it swung opened and out popped Maryse, looking absolutely terrifying, I actually jumped back when I saw her. Her usual perfect makeup was completely smeared, her mascara streaking down her cheeks from the crying. Her hair was disheveled. She was a mess. Apparently, she had had enough of waiting back there and was planning on leaving the store to go home and had put her coat and boots on.
When she saw me, she went into an unhinged rant about me being an asshole for cheating on her, me not being great in bed, me not treating her right, etc. I let her vent everything she had to say, I looked at Stephanie and apologized for creating such a scene in her store. I tell Maryse we should go outside and talk in private. She keeps on yelling, but when I grab her hand to lead her outside, she follows.
When we get outside, her anger had started to wane a little, or maybe just her energy. I was able to talk to her to explain everything, how I had gotten drunk, had overslept (alone) and woke up at 2PM. I reminded her that we were only supposed to meet at 5PM not for lunch. The anger was leaving her and a smile almost appeared on her face. Through all of this I was being very calm and patient with her, which she interpreted as me not being mad at her. I then said in a firmer tone: "However..." and let it hang for a second.
The beginning smile vanished. I continued: "When you accused me of cheating on you, that broke me. That triggered memories of toxic exes who would always accuse me of cheating, not trusting me when I would tell them where I was, snooping on me, stalking me. Because of those experiences, I have a zero tolerance policy for jealousy. I told her that if she was behaving like after only two months of dating, it didn't bode well for the future and I have to protect myself."
At that, the tears started again and she just turned and ran/waddled away. I told her to wait, but she didn't hear me. I turned towards the entrance of the store to see basically all the employees and customers milling around the door trying to catch the drama. I went back inside to talk to my best friend. The mood had definitely changed and no one was giving me the stink eye anymore, but I didn't really care. I was just sad that it had ended, but proud of myself for having stood up for myself.
So AITA for getting drunk and keeping my phone turned off?
There is a lot more to this story and if you want to learn what happened afterwards, then read on.
The immediate aftermath
So I went back inside the store and talked to Stephanie. I told her that I had a reserrvation for XX restaurant and if she wanted to go with Stephen, she could take it, I wasn't in the mood for a dinner. She said "I already have plans for tonight, but thanks for offering." Julia said she would go with me if I wanted, but I just said that I wasn't in the mood to go out. I just wanted to crash and eat a pizza and get into a food coma.
Stephanie said she didn't feel comfortable leaving me by myself and I should join them at her house. They were having friends over to play board games and it could at least distract me a little. I said why not. So brimming with enthusiasm, I went to play bored games. I left early as I wasn't in the mood. I was feeling a little better, but still a bit down. I thanked Stephanie for the invite and left. I got home and just passed out on the bed.
I woke up at around 7AM the next morning and I saw along the corners of the window the tell-tale signs of a snow-drift and got excited as it was the first snow of the season. I pushed the curtains aside and looked on to see a beautiful white carpet outside. It was early enough that very few cars had marred the whiteness. I was admiring it when I noticed that, against the red bricks of the building across the street, there was a pink blotch. As I focused, the blotch became human shaped and I cleared my eyes enough to realize that it was Maryse and she was raising her cell phone to her ear.
On cue, my phone rings. I pick it up. Still sounding drunk, she asks me if we can speak. I ask her to give me five minutes to get dressed and I'll meet her down there. She asks why she can't come up. I say that I'm not sure I want her in my apartment. She says that it's cold out. I say: "Good, then this will be quick."
I get dressed and meet her outside. I'm still bleary-eyed from having woken up 5 minutes ago, but I try to get my wits together. I tell her that we're going to walk to the subway. It 's a 10-minute walk normally, but with her drunkenness, it might take 15-20 minutes. That's how long she has to tell me what she wants to tell me.
She wants to apologize for accusing me of cheating on her. She says she knows I'm a great guy and... I may be the A-hole at this point too, but I start to drift off in my little bubble and start daydreaming about, if I go back to bed, would there still be some residual heat or would it be cold? I could take a hot shower and warm the bed that way. I could still hear her in the background making excuses, saying how she had been cheated on, but I wasn't really listening.
During the daydreaming I notice it got quite quiet. I look on my left and she's not there, I turn around she's a good 5-6 steps behind me looking angry and she says: "you're not listening" I just say: "when you're right, you're right." I tell her that I understand she's been hurt too in the past, and I hope she can work to resolve her issues, but I was done and I'm going back to bed. I was a bit harsh there, but I was tired and still down.
I walk past her and get maybe 10 paces past her when I hear a scream coming from her. I turn around and I see her messing with something inside her coat. She pulls out a chef's knife with like an 8-inch blade. That wakes me the fuck up. Byebye bleary eyes, hello wakefulness. better than a cup of coffee or a red bull I tell you!
So she's got the knife, she's screaming something that I can't quite understand. She gets quiet and then she charges at me with the knife. If I'm being honest I could have stayed where I was and she probably would have missed me anyways, but someone charges at me with a knife, I'm gonna nope out of there. I take a massive side step and once she gets to where I was and realizes that I'm no longer there, she turns her head towards me and says heyyyyy.
At that point, I have a moment of clarity and see what's gonna happen. She's drunk running one way and looking another, I know she's gonna trip. As I predicted, she stumbled over her feet and starts falling to the ground. I start praying to god and anybody who would listen: "Please don't let her cut herself. I don't want to have to explain this to the doctors, EMTs and nurses. I don't want her drunk ass deciding to take revenge on me by saying I did it."
Thankfully, she winds up in a sitting position on the sidewalk holding the knife up and it was clean. Thank god for small miracles. She starts crying and, other moment of clarity, I know she's gonna turn the knife on herself now. I jump towards her and I realize I was right, the knife starts moving towards her left wrist. I tackle her, grab her right wrist and twist it so she drops the knife. I pick the knife back up and put it in my pocket. She looks at me crying and says: "Why did you stop me?"
I pick her up and take her back to my building. In my building there was a couch in the lobby, so I take her there and I sit her down and plop myself next to her. I look at her and wonder out loud: "What am I gonna do with you? What can I do?"
She goes: "Just let me go, I'll be good." I tell her that's not going to happen. I realize I have three options and I give her the three options.
"So here's the choice I give you.
1- I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted murder back there and they send the police to arrest you. I don't want to do that because that could derail your life and not get you the help you need. Besides, they might not do anything anyway as it's your word against mine.
2= I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted suicide back there and that you need to be placed on a 72 hour hold. I could do that, but at the same time, again it's my word against yours, so maybe they don't believe me.
3- I'm gonna hazard a guess here. From what I've seen, you have alcohol problems. So I'm gonna guess you were in AA, had been sober for a while, I want to say 6 months, maybe less, when we met."
She confirms my guess.
"alright so option 3, I'm guessing you had a sponsor in AA." she nods "we call them up and tell them about your relapse and what happened this morning. Can they come get you and take care of you?"
She takes her phone out and picks a contact and calls. She hands me the phone. Someone answers and I explain the situation. They said they were coming right away. I give them my address, they get here 15 minutes later. Maryse had fallen asleep in the meantime, so I wake her up gently and help her to the car. Off she went.
I went back to my apartment and just crashed back to sleep.
A month later
Mid-january, my phone rings and I see Maryse's number on there. I send her to voice mail. Another call. Voicemail again. 5 minutes later, Private number calling. "Gee I wonder who that could be." Voicemail once more.
Afterwards, I didn't get any unidentified callers for a little over a week. One afternoon, I was at work and my phone rings and it's a number I do not recognize. I pick up.
"Hello."
"Hi, is this Guy?"
"Yes, to whom am I speaking?"
"This is Hannah, Maryse's sponsor. we spoke last month." I started fearing the worst.
"Yes, I remember. How can I help you?"
"Maryse tried to reach you last week and you rejected the calls. I think it could help Maryse if you listened to what she had to say. You're obviously not obligated to entertain her, but I think despite everything that happened, you still care about her or you would not have called me that morning."
"You are right, I do still care about Maryse. I'm just not sure how good it would be for her to meet me this soon after everything that happened. I understand wanting to work through the 9th step and making amends, but..." She interrupts me.
"So you know about the steps."
"Yes I have friends in the program. which is how I could guess that she was in the program too that morning."
"You know it's important."
"I know. I know. How about this: we meet in public at a cafe, you would have to be there. Not necessarily at the table with us, but nearby in case she needs help, in case meeting me causes her pain. Tell her I promise to be in a more receptive mood than I was that morning."
So we make an appointment for that saturday afternoon.
I get to the coffee shop. She's already there, and so is her sponsor. I realize happily that she's not wearing makeup. I say happily because that means she understands that this is not a date, but something serious. She's still stunningly beautiful, and I feel sad almost right away.
I grab a coffee and go join her at the table.
"Hey" I say,
"Hey. So this is gonna be uncomfortable, but thank you for agreeing to meet me and for coming, I appreciate it more than you know. I'm sure you heard I quit the store."
"I have, I'm sorry about that, I hope you didn't do it just because of me."
"No, I needed time to focus on myself for now."
She proceeds to tell me about how I wasn't far off with my guess. She had been sober 4 months when we met. Now she had 39 days. She tells me that in AA, if you are single, they recommend not dating anyone new for at least the first year of your sobriety as it can cause issues, similar to what happened with us. I was like her "drug" and as long as I was available, she could get her fix. But the moment I wasn't available all hell broke loose, and that is what led her back to drinking that day.
I told her I'm glad to see her back sober again this quickly and I hope she can get all the help she needs from it. I ask her if she wants to talk to me about her drinking.
She starts to share a story about how she started drinking at around 11 years old. When puberty hit her, she got into a deep depression because the sexual feelings she was starting to feel were triggering responses. As a child she had been abused by two of her uncles repeatedly and her parents never believed her. They accused her of trying to make herself interesting. That was until they caught one of those uncles red-handed.
They finally believed and took the necessary steps to protect their daughter. But they were poor and they couldn't afford therapy. So she never really got help for it. At 11, she started self medicating the depression with alcohol. When alcohol wasn't enough, she added drugs.
At that point, I was full on crying. She asked me if I wanted her to stop. I told her that she doesn't have to stop. That the tears are there because that was one more thing we had in common. I was also a survivor of sexual assault as a child. In my case, it wasn't a family member, it was only a stranger, so it only happened once. But I also self-medicated with alcohol at the onset of puberty, switching to drugs later on too. I was lucky to avoid the pitfalls of addiction, but I was still dealing with my demons, slowly making peace with them.
So there we were, sitting at a coffee shop, both crying and holding each other. I tell her that I think it's great she's getting help for her alcoholism and addicion, but was she doing anything to help with the underlying issue, the original trauma? She said no, she couldn't afford therapy. I tell her that I am a member of a survivors group and if she is interested, I could get her into a meeting and perhaps learn to heal that part of herself too.
She said that she could give it a try. I tell her I have to talk to the other members to know if I can bring someone new and I would let her know. If they said yes, we would go to her first meeting together, I would introduce her and then we would coordinate so that I never went to meetings where she was. I wanted to do that because I wanted her first few meetings to be about healing and I didn't want our own history to be intertwined or mixed in with that.
After that, we left both feeling content and, while not necesarily happy, at peace if you will. Later on, I contacted Stephanie who was one of the "pillars" of the support group (that's how we met) to ask her if it was okay for me to bring in a new member to the group. She said sure. She asked if it was anyone she knew. I told her she would have to meet her at the meeting if she decides to come.
We were having a meeting the following day. I called Maryse, told her the time and place, and she said she would be there. She came to the group meeting and was shocked to see Stephanie there but Stephanie kinda guessed that it was Maryse I was referring to.
I introduce her, we start sharing stories, talking about how we're feeling, etc. The meeting was good and Maryse liked the vibe. So for the first six months after that, I never saw Maryse and we planned which meeting we would be attending to ensure we didn't cross paths. She started feeling much better.
After maybe 2 and a half years, she finally felt ready and she started dating again. She met someone and she fell for him. They were together for about six months, she looked happy. Unfortunately after about six months, she caught him cheating on her. We tried supporting her, being good friends, cursing his name, doing all the things we could to make sure she didn't relapse. But on April 5th 2014, she ODed on heroin. She was hospitalized for 2 weeks after that.
Hannah took her in and she set up a room for Maryse. She was still in a fragile state, so a group of her friends and I started taking turns watching over Maryse, making sure there was always at least one person there with her to keep her company.
Despite our vigilance, on May 14th 2014, when Hannah was out running a quick errand, she was gone maybe 15 minutes tops, Maryse found a way to cut her wrists and she died. We found a note saying that "the OD was not an accident, and neither was that. Thanks for everything you did for me. I love you all, but I can't do this anymore."
It feels good to write that story (I'll just ignore the fat tears rolling down my face!). Thanks for reading this far and sorry for the long story, I just started writing and couldn't stop. I apologize if it was a bit of a bummer.

The phrase "Burger and Grape Snow Cone" might seem like an unusual combination of food items at first glance, but in the world of linguistic creativity and cultural references, it takes on a whole new dimension. This seemingly random pairing is more than just a quirky food combination; it holds deeper connotations in various contexts, often serving as a symbol of juxtaposition, nostalgia, and cultural commentary. Let's delve into the origins, meanings, and cultural significance of "Burger and Grape Snow Cone."

Origins and Popularity

The exact origin of the phrase "Burger and Grape Snow Cone" is somewhat nebulous, but it has surfaced in various forms of media and popular culture over the years. It's the kind of phrase that might be used to evoke a sense of whimsy or to illustrate an unexpected pairing. The combination of a savory, hearty burger with a sweet, icy grape snow cone can be seen as a metaphor for contrasting experiences or tastes coming together.

Symbolism and Interpretation

1. Contrast and Juxtaposition:
   • The most apparent interpretation of "Burger and Grape Snow Cone" is the contrast between the two items. A burger represents something substantial, filling, and savory, while a grape snow cone is light, sweet, and refreshing. This contrast can be applied to various life situations where two very different elements coexist, highlighting the beauty or complexity of their interaction.
2. Nostalgia and Americana:
   • Burgers and snow cones are iconic elements of American food culture, often associated with childhood, summer fairs, and simple pleasures. Together, they evoke a sense of nostalgia, transporting people back to carefree days spent enjoying these treats in casual, communal settings.
3. Cultural Commentary:
   • The phrase can also be used to comment on the eclectic nature of modern culture, where diverse elements come together in unexpected ways. It reflects how contemporary society blends different tastes, preferences, and traditions, creating a melting pot of experiences.

In Media and Pop Culture

The phrase "Burger and Grape Snow Cone" has appeared in various forms in media, from songs and TV shows to internet memes and social media posts. Each usage adds a layer of meaning or context, contributing to the phrase's evolving significance. For instance, in a song, it might represent a whimsical or surreal experience, while in a social media post, it could be used humorously to describe an unusual combination of events or ideas.

Linguistic Playfulness

Part of the appeal of "Burger and Grape Snow Cone" lies in its linguistic playfulness. It's a phrase that captures attention and sparks curiosity, encouraging people to think about why these two items were paired together and what deeper meaning might be inferred. This playfulness is a hallmark of creative language use, demonstrating how words and phrases can be combined in novel ways to convey unique ideas and emotions.

Conclusion

The phrase "Burger and Grape Snow Cone" is a fascinating example of how language and culture interact to create new meanings and associations. Whether viewed as a symbol of contrast, a nostalgic nod to American food culture, or a playful linguistic creation, it captures the imagination and invites deeper reflection. In a world where diverse elements constantly intersect, "Burger and Grape Snow Cone" serves as a reminder of the richness and complexity of our shared cultural landscape. So next time you hear this quirky phrase, take a moment to appreciate the layers of meaning and the creativity it embodies.

I don't think I have that bad overall symptoms but the absolute worst by far is the lack of sleep.
I've been on magnesium glycinate for weeks and no change.
'Exercise hard' I just sleep even worse.
I don't drink, my sugar is 2 squares of dark chocolate. Zero caffeine. Snack before bed... No snack before bed.. nothing changes.
I'm in bed early hoping by 10:30 I'll be relaxed enough to sleep but no. If I'm lucky I'll fall asleep sometime around 1am, then I'm awake at 3am for probably an hour, then at 6 I'm completely awake. I feel wide awake every time my eyes are open but I know that can't be normal. I thought the ADHD sleep issues prior to this were bad but this is something else.
To top it off I've been itching like crazy all night long & it feels like something crawling on me so I can't even relax to fall asleep...
I feel like my body is betraying me! I'm just so angry in the night that I could scream.
Eyemask, lavender, a fan on, a white noise app running, earplugs, chamomile tea and everything else and I STILL CANT SLEEP!!
I hang on for the break where my period ends and I can get something closer to a normal sleep but that window has gotten smaller and smaller to the point there's no let up anymore, my period comes & goes and im still suffering. 3hrs a night broken sleep is my new normal. I hate the very idea of that but it's reality.
I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm miserable and struggling to see a way out of this. I'm barely existing. I'm back on my hrt & dreading the side effects once more, I just can't see my happy ending.
(Sorry for the pity party).

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I’ll start this prefacing me and my brother are both minors (he’s younger I’m mid teens) and our parents mom (43) dad (41) ended in 2020 after my parents fell out of love and thought it was better coparenting separate. About 6 months with my dad was a struggle and although I know most of the blame was on him for simply not communicating well and being kind of standoff-ish at times he’s a great friend and dad.
After struggling with depression and living with his coworker for a month or two he found a small apartment for a while when he met her girlfriend. She’s nice, and I can tell she loves me, my brother, and my dad but she REALLY struggles with boundaries and jealousy against my mom especially. She had history of her ex husband impregnating her mistress who was her friend, and I know she probably wants the best for us but she always seems to be wanting to pick fights, and my dad usually agrees with her because he’s non confrontational unless it’s super bad.
I don’t want to get too into it but a lot of it has to do with parenting around my struggling younger brother.
My mom is a total saint. The type of woman who is naturally beautiful, understanding, and puts all people above herself, including my dad and his girlfriend. Anytime they want a day with me and my brother on a day with my mom she willingly does so, especially on unique occasions like vacations.
Before I get into this i want to specify my mom grew up where I live now but moved to Maui Hawaii when she was young to get away from her abusive family. She moved back when her best friend (my dad) lost his mother and had nobody (his dad passed around 19) they loved each other got married and had two babies who as they grew up toke between Disneyland and Maui on vacations. As my mother expected me and my brother fell in love with it and it feels more like returning home.
Back to the present my mom booked a trip to Maui for this summer because we’re all worn out and miss it since we haven’t seen it since the big fire in Lahaina town one of our favorite places, burnt down and killed many. It just recently got to the point where they are allowing tourists and is cost manageable. She booked it for in the summer like I asked because I admitted vacations and high school do not mix. Anyways my mom let my dad know by texting the dates and he responded in a way that didn’t sound at all like him and all like her. “He” didn’t give a reason and it used punctuation. Both me and my mother know he’d probably rather burn his hand on a stove than use a period in a sentence. We assume she’s jealous because it’s too sentimental of a place to go back to and my parents even got their vows renewed there, so he refuses to take her.
My mom broke down sobbing because she always does the right thing and the one time she asks for something she got in our way. I’m pissed and tried to just stay calm until my mom left the room and I just need to vent. I asked my mom if I could ask him and she was adamant I don’t. I eventually agreed because I realized she probably reads his text. I thought about it and kind of plan to on Saturday when I watch my dad play our favorite game, mention how happy I am to potentially be going on the trip as if I don’t know what they said. I’m not sure it’s strong enough but I know my dad.
My dad has always had a soft spot for me and I have always had an even softer spot. I think if I put my foot down and go against my mom who doesn’t want to create more drama, then he’ll likely take it seriously. I don’t want them to know but I want them to feel just bad enough to realize that not only the petty stuff she does doesn’t fly, and show my dad he really needs to step in. Is this a bad idea? I don’t know what to do I love her but I’m sick of this petty crap. Especially when it impacts me and my brother like this. Any advice?

I'm a 27-year-old data scientist who's passionate about AI and loves exploring various fields like social media marketing and data science. While I thoroughly enjoy my work, I've been contemplating starting my own company to pursue my entrepreneurial dreams.
Currently, I'm in a full-time job, but I constantly brainstorm ideas that I'm eager to implement. However, I'm a bit torn about which path to take in entrepreneurship. On one hand, there's the route of a PhD individual who develops a groundbreaking algorithm and builds a business around it. On the other hand, there's the MBA approach where someone identifies a market need, like group travel for middle-class enthusiasts, and creates a solution, such as an app.
It's clear to me that there's no one-size-fits-all formula for becoming an entrepreneur. I'm drawn to the idea of generating innovative concepts and bringing them to life, but I'm unsure about the best career path to pursue. Should I focus on acquiring a broad range of skills like an MBA, or should I specialize in one area and delve deep into it to generate unique ideas and products?
It's worth mentioning that I'm not inclined towards teaching; my goal is solely to expand my knowledge and pave the way for entrepreneurship. Any advice or insights

Basically the title. I want to be able to show the 3d models that i make on blender as AR.
As soon as people read the QR code that redirects to my website, "this website wants to use your camera" prompt should come and as soon as permission is given, their cameras should turn on and my model should be shown. No apps to download, no additional permissions to be given elsewhere. I'm telling this because there are a lot of websites or apps that is doing what i want to do, except, they want all involved parties to download their apps. Which my clients will absolutely not be bothered to do.
I've been searhing this for a long time, any ideas?

By Ethnic Nationalism I don't mean ethno-supremacy or racism, but just the general idea that ethnic nations should be allowed to form their own states and maintain their own demographics as a majority.
When I say authoritarianism I don't mean the political system of one-party or one-man rule, but more of a "strong man"-ish system. Somewhere around Hungary or Poland politically, where liberalism isn't seen as some sort of cardinal virtue that must always be upheld, and that maybe sometimes voters shouldn't decide on very important things.

Kind of long, but any advice or input would be greatly appreciated :)
I (22F) have been working in fast food/ retail since I was 17 and I’m finally ready to take that leap to leave my current job and find one that will help advance my career and give me at least some financial stability. I also live in NorCal for context (not sure if I’d be willing to move quite yet.) I’ve been at my current retail job since 2021 and was honestly just going to stay there until I was completely finished with college but I just received my AA and the current management im under is so difficult to work with and extremely offensive I can barely take it not to mention I’ve been in management for about 2 years now and have gone from at least 20hr a week (part time) to less than 10hr a week, less than some associates and they’re all 3 hour shifts so I’m not even allowed to take a 10min break though im not even sure if that’s legal??
I am very fortunate to not have to pay rent as I live with my parents and I only have to worry about paying for my car, gas, phone, school, necessity’s etc. So no rent is a life saver in this economy. With that being said I don’t necessarily need the highest paying job quite yet (willing to work my way up or gain helpful experience) though that would be ideal for anyone. I just want to be able to find something that fits with my personality/ needs and also doesn’t care the way I look. I know sometimes you have to do what u gotta do but I cannot take working somewhere I’m miserable at and I understand that is a privilege within itself so I’m just trying to use the time I do have to really find what I’m passionate about and not be scared to try new things.
I still want to go back to school to get my bachelors degree since it’s always been a dream of mine, but since I pretty much pay for everything out of pocket besides some degree of financial aide, I don’t want to just aimlessly transfer somewhere with no clue on what to study which has been my issues for some time. I feel like my interest haven’t changed much and neither have my dreams to further my education so I’ve pretty much been saying the same things since probably before high school and I still have no clue what exactly the direction is I should go. I would love to gain some first hang experience to know if getting my B.A. is even worth it for the field I want to go into or what major would benefit me the best.
I have many interests and ideas as to what I could possibly do but I feel like as much as I say them out loud no one really relates so I always feel alone or like there’s no possible job for me that I’ll feel happy in. I mean I think majority of people would rather not work and focus their lives on their hobbies and passions but unfortunately that’s not in the cards for most people and though I sometimes live in that dreamland that doesn’t change the fact that I’m extremely dedicated, hard-working and really want to make a difference in whatever field I end up in. So I guess I’ll leave a list of the things I’m interested in, in case anybody has some advice or input on any occupations I’ve listed or have experience in anything I’ve listed.
I guess another thing to mention is that I was recently applying to a lot of jobs in childcare and pretty much every interview I went to turn me down on the spot because of my appearance. Of course I hear the stories of looking less professional due to your tattoos, piercings, etc., which I never understand. I don’t even have a single tattoo or piercing, not even my ears, but I have bright pink hair and that has been such a downside for the interviewing processes, even some retail jobs like Box Lunch for example doesn’t accept colored hair when they’re literally a pop culture store and share the same company as Hot Topic. I don’t want to have to change my appearance for a job. I know it’s just hair but I was never able to express myself the way I wanted to and the amount of money and maintenance that goes with having colored hair would not be worth it to me to color black just to get a job. It would feel like I’m altering myself and changing something that makes me feel good about myself is unfair and already puts a bad taste in my mouth about the company because they are willing to look over my qualifications and work ethic due to one minor detail in my appearance. One of these jobs I even had two on the phone interviews that went amazing and was going to my final in person interview and was literally meeting with a family for a behavioral technician job and the first thing they (the company) told me was I would need to change my hair to even be considered and I had to eventually politely end the interview because they still wanted to me to meet a kid despite straight up telling me they will not hire me if I didn’t immediately change my hair… and I’d be working with a family, not even in a ‘ public setting.’ I would just love to be able to work in a community that embraces people for their differences for the way they express themselves, and encourages self expression.
Anyways, here are some of my interests and I’d be eternally grateful to hear any feedback! Maybe you’ve worked in some of these environments and have advice or horror stories, if you have similar interests to me let me know what kind of job you have because I’m sure I don’t even know the formal titles to half of these jobs, or even have other ideas that match my interests. Thank you thank you thank you!

• A lost 22 year old just trying to find her way

TLDR: I have so many interests and have no idea where to go with my next steps in my career and schooling, and would love some advice based off of my interest and experience. My unnaturally colored hair gets me nowhere. My experience and interests are listed below.
My schooling/ experience so far: * 5 years of theatre under my belt (onstage/backstage/management) * Just graduated with my AA in Social & Behavioral Sciences (Random but was recommended to do so based on all of the same interest I told my counselor some odd years ago) * Most of my college classes were focused in sociology, psychology, and child development, which has been super interesting so I am willing to branch out from my interest because I did find a lot of interest in the classes I’ve taken previously. * Have worked in retail for four years; Pretty well received by people * A nanny to 4 kids (ages 4-16) for about 3.5 years as well
My personality: (not sure if this will help with knowing if I would be a good fit for any of the jobs listed )
i’m extremely bubbly and can have my extroverted moments, but I can also be introverted at times and when work needs to get done, I will figure out the best way to do it and get to work. I work pretty well with a team and always have ideas flowing and bouncing around, but I can also excel working on my own/have no issues being independent with my work. I don’t have a huge preference on a fast versus slow paced work environment. I would like something flexible, but I have no issue with getting into a routine. I feel like I am truly pretty flexible when it comes to my work environment, I just really want a place that I can express myself and be surrounded by a community of people similar to me. I love to be innovative and creative.
My interests/ ideas: (sorry kinda random and jumps around)

• always wanted to be a nanny or travel nanny; to work with one specific family and grow with them
• Pre-k - 1st grade teacher; I find teaching younger kids really fulfilling, love crafts/ activities/planning, extremely patient
• Art teacher (i love ceramics, but pretty much any type of art would be so cool to incorporate creativity with teaching)
• Child advocate (possibly on movie and tv sets)
• Teacher on movie and television sets
• Directing or any sort of behind the scenes job for movies and television (I love to write and create concepts, costuming, sets, music, casting)
• Set designer for movies, television, or theater
• Costume designer for movies, television, or theater
• Possibly work with an acting company backstage (I don’t even know if that’s a job but possibly a permanent backstage role somewhere)
• Open my own curated thrift shop or a shop in general that is really creative or theme oriented
• Have a small bakery business or just a business in general, I love the idea of being able to run a company or brand that’s inclusive and creative
• I do love to bake and Decorate desserts
• Creative Director; photographer, videographer; I just love the thought of creating things and bringing concepts together, planning, etc.
• Magazine company?
• Wedding planning/party and event planning; again, I just like bringing things together I feel like I have an eye for aesthetics
• Something with marketing or managing

As you can see, most of my interest have to do with childcare and the arts, which are some of the lowest paying jobs/difficult fields to get into, but it’s what I most passionate about and what I can actually see myself being happy doing for a long time. i’m also not opposed to working in one certain field for a while and then branching out to something different or related further down the line, I just want to know what step I should take next so I’m not just floating around doing nothing and being/fill, I just want to know what step I should take next so I’m not just floating around doing nothing and being/feeling useless.
Thank you so much to anyone who responds with advice and kind words :)

I've been working hard to design a system where the combat stats aren't the focus of combat,
This is in the context of choices the npcs make that the player has no active control over during combat related encounters.
Here's what I've thought of so far:

1. Every dialogue option the player uses effects one of the npcs stats up or down. This can be directly or indirectly (overheard).
2. After each mission the npc has a cooldown timer and if sent on another mission stats go down.
3. While the weapon has no direct effect on combat, the quality of the gear they are given can effect their stats. For example, intimidation and morale.
4. combat encounters tally each relevant stat and distribute bonuses or penalties to a set of possible reactions. Things like "fight" or "protect self".
5. The reactions are listed in such a way that the highest on the list breaks ties.
6. Some reactions, such as "heal self", are conditional.
7. For simplicity, monsters are always hostile and "friendly type" characters only turn hostile if the player's NPC's do first.
8. Once each side has figured out what they will do a first round happens.
9. Who do they attack? I used party order for NPC's and assigned the same thing to the monsters. This didn't work out so great since it lead to the first two characters taking all the hits. The NPC's that did attack all focused the first monster.
10. Each NPC has a three wound threshold and each wound gives a large penalty to most non-heal/defend reaction values. Monsters have 1-2 (for now).
11. Each party has 4-5 NPC's and each monster groups 3-4.
12. With a lack of a good method I just assigned a one damage value to each undefended attack.

In my recent test some characters defended other characters due to a "friend" tag in the group. This led to two NPC's not attacking due to defending another person, one NPC "doing nothing" due to a "fear_goblins" tag on them, they were also being defended. Two of the characters got hit twice and the front monster got hit killed due to two NPC's hitting it.
The goblin killed was the leader, I put him in the front by mistake, the NPC leader goes in the front so I just shoved the monster leader there without thinking. They would logically go in the back of the group.
With the goblin leader dead there was a forced morale check. One goblin failed and fled, this led to another morale check due to half the group being dead. They passed so it went to round two.
The two npc's who got hit healed themselves, the one that "did nothing" now "healed ally" on the party leader as they were the closest. One NPC attacked and wounded a goblin and the party took two more wounds.
In round three, three heroes attacked due to the "overwhelming" bonus gained from being double the size of the opposing party. One chose to defend again the "do nothing" healed someone again and the rest all focused the same front goblin (Doh!).
party takes two wounds most of which are going to the party leader. they kill the one goblin and the second goblin fails a morale check due to the overwhelmed debuff. They flee.
I had originally want to do a "probability" system to choose the battle outcome from just the initial check, but couldn't comes up with a reliable system for it.
Thoughts/ideas?

I have a Lore Bard that just hit level 14 and with it, I need to pick some more Magical Secrets. I've managed to lose my notes on what spells I was going to pick, so it's back to the drawing board. So far, Find Greater Steed is already slotted in for level 14 and Wish is slotted in for level 18, but the second pick for both of those levels is wide open. My feats are Inspiring Leader, Ritual Caster, War Caster, and Moderately Armored.
My current Magical Secrets are Haste, Counterspell, Telekinesis, and Wall of Stone.
Haste was chosen for cases where the solution to an encounter was more Divine Smites from our Paladin. Wall of Stone was chosen for a combination of story reasons and the permanence of the wall playing into the DM's style. Counterspell and Telekinesis were chosen for reasons of pure power.
The party consists of a Vengeance Paladin, Dragon Sorcerer, Light Cleric, and a Moon Druid.
The Paladin primarily smites but does occasionally use spells for movement. The Sorcerer primarily uses Fireball, Lightning Bolt, and Scorching Ray. Our Cleric favors primarily using either Spirit Guardians or Sunbeam. The Moon Druid is a fairly even split between using Call Lightning and melee Wildshape.
So far I've bounced between crowd control, buffing, and blasting as seemed most advantageous at the time. Often I'll lead with a Hypnotic Pattern or a Wall spell or Haste and then in subsequent rounds either throw out a Blindness or blast. I keep wanting to use Animate Objects or Telekinesis but it just never quite seems to be the right moment for them.
Simulacrum has been considered, but it would probably be an extended period of time before I'd have both the 12 hours to cast it and the ruby dust to spare.
Contingency is one that I'm interested in, but still a bit unsure about what spells I'd really want to use with it and how useful it would be.
Plane Shift is another I thought about, but it is of questionable use given the cosmology of the setting we're playing in and the nature of our current adventure with difficulties traveling between Feywild, Material, and Shadowfell.
I've been considering grabbing Aura of Vitality to help the Cleric feel less obligated to healbot or Heal for an emergency mid-combat. I briefly considered Revivify but decided that between the Paladin and Cleric, if both of them were dead and I somehow survived, they're just going in the portable hole.
I've got so many Concentration spells competing for my attention that I'm not super keen on ideas like Circle of Power even though I have used it with other characters and loved it, and it feels like there should probably be enough blasting between what I already have and the rest of the party that something like Destructive Wave is less called for.
I've been considering Wall of Force since I don't know how long it will be until I can actually use Forcecage, but I do currently have 3 flavors of Wall spell already at this point.
I'm probably just overthinking it, but I keep having this feeling that I'm overlooking something that might be obvious to an outside perspective.
Full spell list as follows. Note that our DM allows us to have an additional spell known per spell level for spells that we're playtesting for him.
Cantrips - Minor Illusion, Mage Hand, Siren's Shout(single target blast, ranged spell attack, Thunder damage), Flash of Foreboding (Green Flame Blade clone, Psychic damage, rider effect requires downing an enemy in that encounter), Razor Edge(Shillelagh + damage buff), Prestidigitation
1st level - Faerie Fire, Dissonant Whispers, Speak with Animals, Hidden Bolt (single target Force damage blast)
Rituals: Alarm, Comprehend Languages, Detect Magic, Find Familiar, Floating Disk, Identify, Unseen Servant
2nd level - Blindness/Deafness, Invisibility, Mirror Image, Bone Fiddle (Conc., single target speed debuff + Psychic + Slashing damage over time), War Cry (bonus action, AoE minor Buff to party + Wis save vs. 1 round Frightened on enemies)
Rituals: Augury, Gentle Repose, Magic Mouth, Skywrite
3rd level - Dispel Magic, Hypnotic Pattern, Major Image, Slow, Ghostly Charge (30' Cone AoE Psychic damage blast, Int save for no damage)
Magical Secrets: Counterspell, Haste - Rituals: Phantom Steed, Tiny Hut, Water Breathing
4th level - Confusion, Greater Invisibility, Polymorph, Psychic Lance, Songbird (10 min Conc., gives an additional, less powerful Bardic Inspiration die to a 2nd character each time Bardic Inspiration is used)
5th level - Animate Objects, Synaptic Static, Telepathic Bond, Wall of Thunder (10 min Conc., 5' thick, semi-invisible see-through wall, Con Save vs Thunder damage + Deafened, Disadvantage to ranged weapon attack through it, blocks sound)
Magical Secrets: Telekinesis, Wall of Stone
6th level - Mass Suggestion, Irresitible Dance, Flock of Retribution(10 min Conc., Crown of Stars meets Armor of Agathys, Shadowfell-energy-based, Psychic damage single target blast, 1 per turn, no action or reaction beyond the initial cast)
7th level - Forcecage, Mirage Arcane, Wall of Dread (Conc., 20' thick Wall of Magical Darkness + Difficult Terrain + Wis save vs. Psychic damage + Frightened + Bonus Action single target blast + save vs. Frightened)
I also have some items that give me access to 1/day of Detect Magic, Entangle, Faerie Fire, Fly, Ice Storm, Invisibility, Levitate, Protection from Evil and Good, Shillelagh, and Speak with Animals.

Iso is by far the weakest agent in the game, so let's take a look on how he could get buffed. It's rather difficult to buff Iso to be honest, because there are rather limited ways to do so:

• Iso's vulnerable ability is already a good ability and doesn't need a buff. Even if you wanted to buff it, there are not a whole lot of good options available. Make it faster is an idea I've seen floating around but it's already pretty fast and it really wouldn't do anything to make Iso better
• Iso's ult doesn't really need any unique changes either, maybe you can reduce the cost by one but there are really limited options available to buff his ult without making it a completely free kill. It's also just a decent ult already
• Iso's shield is finnicky and could definitely use a buff. I think making it so you don't have to pre-activate the ability and could just shoot the orb on kill anytime is a huge quality-of-life change but honestly doesn't really move the needle in terms of Iso's viability. The shield kind of just is what it is. There's really not a whole lot else you can do with it, it already tanks one instance of damage. You can't make it two instances without it becoming broken. Making it last longer won't do much to help buff Iso out of F tier. I saw on TenZ's stream when he was talking about Iso buffs that he thought of an idea where the shield could tank a stun as if it was the instance of damage. It's a definitely cool idea, but overall this would not buff Iso by any significant amount. How many times a game will you actually have an Iso shield up and then get stunned? I'm betting less than once a game. Maybe once every two games

Which brings me to really the most obvious ability to buff: Iso's wall. The wall is just bad. There's no use sugarcoating it. It's one of the worst, if not the worst, abilities in the game. Why is it so bad? One of the reasons is because you can't stop it whenever you want like Harbor's wall. This makes it almost completely useless on defense, as you can't block off a chokepoint with it to delay/stop an execute. It also lasts a pretty short amount of time at just 4.6 seconds when fully formed and is narrower than Harbor's wall.
This leads to most people suggesting the wall be buffed to work like Harbor's wall where Iso could stop it anytime he wants. However, I don't like this idea and I don't think Riot likes it either because it takes away from the uniqueness of both Iso and Harbor's walls. Other basic ideas include making the wall wider or having it last longer. These basic ideas could definitely be good changes, but I propose that Riot should lean into the anti-bullet shield idea of the wall and also make it block projectiles. This would work like the buy phase barrier where projectiles such as Killjoy mollies, Raze nades, Sova darts, really any projectile would just bounce off the wall.
I believe this change could make Iso viable even in coordinated pro play. In fact, this buff may have the biggest impact in pro play but would be a great buff across the board at all elos.
For starters, this would make Iso much better on defense. As soon as a site exec starts, Iso can just drop the wall and suddenly the Sova dart bounces back in Sova's face, the Viper molly drops to the floor, etc., etc.
This buff would also have the funny additional benefit of denying lineups. When you see that Brim molly flying at the spike, just throw the wall and suddenly the lineup misses and you can stick the defuse.
But the greatest impact might just be that this change could maybe make Iso viable on Lotus. In my opinion, Lotus was already one of Iso's better maps in ranked as it is one of the few maps where his wall in its current state can be useful on attack. It's decent at denying the default C long peek while your team takes mound. B site is one of the only sites where the wall can actually be fully utilized to cover waterfall while you exec because it's such a short site. Iso also has some decent plays on defense as his vulnerable is very useful to combo with a Raze nade every round on defense to fight A, and it is not as valuable as an Omen flash so you could always do it every round (plus he has two of them).
The Lotus meta has always been to heavily fight for A rubble control. Some teams always do it, some teams do it less, but all teams do it pretty frequently and have multiple set plays for fighting A rubble. Even during ranked games across all ranks people know to fight for it on defense, throwing Raze nades and Omen blinds.
If Iso's wall was buffed to reflect projectiles, he would be extremely valuable on Lotus attack as he could throw the wall on A every round to completely shut down any defender aggression. The wall serves a dual purpose as you and your team can get across to rubble for free behind cover. You would essentially get easy rubble control every round for 200 credits.
If we're talking specifically pro scene, having that free rubble control may already be enough to make Iso a niche pick. However, this could also have the added benefit of allowing teams to switch from Omen to Brim as their primary controller. Some teams already have shown that they prefer Brim, such as NRG or Navi, although it is still considered a niche pick. One reason teams go for Omen is because of how good the Omen flash can be for fighting for A. However, if teams used Iso they could use the Iso vulnerable instead and also pick Brim without having to sacrifice all of the capabilities of the Omen flash.
As a final note, I know that some people will probably complain about how it is too OP if you can just drop a wall and completely shut down a Raze rocket or Deadlock ult, but do remember that a simple Kayo knife can already do that.

For the record I do not have any trauma related disorders, personality disorders, or mental disorders other than MDD and severe anxiety. That being said I truly share symptoms across a lot of different disorders which confuses the hell out of me.
I had a normal childhood until about middle school. There I experienced a moderate amount of social isolations but still managed to make friends. A few of these friends tended to mess with me and try to make me feel as if I was lesser. I know I am not overreacting because other people have told me this and they act differently toward others. I think this was due to my appearance at a younger age and my anxiety. I cut them off because I realized they didn’t keep me around for other then making themselves feel good. I kept a few friends that I never Really considered close but largely I feel didn’t want to hangout with me lying about reasons not being able to hangout. I caught them in lies multiple times posting stories being somewhere when they said they were too tired to do anything or had a family event. I wantd to do something maybe once every two weeks and when they were busy maybe once a month but they managed to hangout with other people every weekend. High school I isolated myself and experimented with different personalities to try to make friends but nothing really worked that well. In my Highschool friend group I eventually had enough and argued with them over something relatively unimportant and they stopped associating with me after that with no more than a text asking if I was ok after being hospitalized a few days after. I had a bad reaction to prescribed medication that wasn't my fault. Never talked to a few of them after that in person and till this day and they think I am crazy. One said I don’t have it that bad when I tried explaining why I was so upset and how I struggled with a lot of things because a family member had an autistic son and I could never have it that bad. I was forced to go into group therapy in h s as well because of a screw up with the school and long story short my parents agreed it would be best to pull me out for a bit. I was by far the most emotionally stable person in each group I was put in no matter which person it was. I was also the only male except for a couple younger guys that were there for ASPD or OCD. I hate that I actually enjoyed being around all of the people in there. I still hate how I wish I never met any of these people because I think about them way to often and it hurts me. I felt too much in common with girls that had PTSD, BPD, and severe childhood trauma. I know that sounds awful but I truly wish I could switch lives with them because of the true horrors many of these kids experienced. the main reason I am even religious is because I do not know how a human being could torture another human soul so badly without remorse or reason without being influenced by true evil/demon/possession. I will not go into any detail because I do not feel it is my story to tell. All I will say is the light seemed dull in many children's eyes in that place. The only reason I have cried in the past like 8 months is because I remember the stories these people have told me. I hate how the closest I have every felt to a human being was with a girl that had BPD who I barely know and I felt was kind to me with no reason. I hate how I see these people around my city without it actually being them. I hate how I stay up at night thinking about our conversations. I hate how I feel they did not like me because I was even in there. I felt annoying and disrespectful without trying and I felt everything I said was stupid and came off weird or wrong. I hate how no one understands me as well as some of these girls did. Like why am I actively having good conversations with someone who seems to feel the same emotions I am feeling do not wish to have children because of the way I feel and the risk associated with them experiencing something horrible. I have also never seen myself living super long due to me being high stress and the fact I just have too much weird situations happen to me. I feel every major goal of mine has been ruined by things outside of my control I only have happiness in fleeting moments but I have experienced pure joy in a handful of moments in my life. My baseline is depressed and anxious but manageable. I feel I am lucky enough to not experience true trauma but unlucky enough to keep having bullshit mess with my life plans and happiness. There is more stuff I intentional left out because its too specific and I don't like talking bout them.
Symptoms list:
Mind racing, hypervigilance, feeling everyone is against me without proof, paranoid or more so anxious bad things will happen to me, always on guard in public; feels like people are making fun of me, intense anger toward others the world and myself, sensitive to specific words and topics, intense sensation of hollowness, backseat driveidentity issues [really only preset during extreme bouts of physical and mental stress such as not sleeping, eating or illness], I don't ever get headaches unless I am insanely stressed or depressed, sharp disconnect between myself and my feelings or feeling is should feel, I imagine crazy unrealistic but statistically probable dangerous situations happening to me when I am in public, have an intense almost idiotic need to prove my toughness and would rather die than back down to someone
My doctors have never thought I have autism and the only reason I have ever looked into that is social difficulties and when I am sleep deprived or under extreme stress/ anxiety I am not good in social situations. This has gotten better as I have gotten older though.
I do not have OCD even though I have a borderline extreme obsession with my chosen sport to the point I have to stop myself from talking about it all the time.
I don't hallucinate or have overly grandiose ideas/delusions
Don't fit criteria for PTSD as my symptoms are manageable enough to function at a high level and I have not really hit any of the trauma criteria under the DSM-5
Bipolar out of the question as I only ever experience manic symptoms when I am sick and cant get enough sleep and my mood is relatively stable. My psych told me to stop telling my therapist I have experienced mania because he believes its only due to sleep related insomnia. Even though they did say it is possible its not likely.
bipolar same with schizophrenia don't even come close to this one
Personality disorder I have no immediate family that has any of these and I did not have an exceptionally hard childhood. No severe trauma to cause this plus my mood is to stable and antidepressants help me regulate for the most part also antipsychotic actually make me worse even atypical ones suck.
My docs and therapist just say I am really unlucky and have MDD severe anxiety and to get over my past but I feel as if it is apart of me and if I let go of it that all my pain was meant for nothing. I don't know why but I would rather go a lifetime of suffering because I feel that is a better alternative for me personally and is more honorable to society than the alternative. I Truly for some reason don't have a quitting bone in my body and sometimes wish this wasn't the case. I think this is party due to spite and hate and the fact I cant believe all this was meant for nothing.