I’m finally putting the pump away after 3 (almost 4) of the darkest and mentally draining months of my life. I have learned and realized so much, and I want to share my story to hopefully help someone else who is currently in the position I was in.
Before I had my baby, I planned to BF as long as I possibly could. When I felt like a failure because BF didn’t work for us, I became obsessed with the idea of exclusively pumping. And Lord, I had absolutely no idea what I was signing myself up for. EP is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Harder than birth. Harder than losing a family member. Harder than my previous battles with mental health. I was drowning in the sea of stress with having low supply, on top of pumping every 2 hours, on top of having a newborn, on top of cleaning the pump, on top of cleaning the bottles, on top of being alone with my baby for 12-13 hours a day while my boyfriend was at work.
I completely lost myself. I had never been so full of anger and hate. I fully blame the stress of feeling like I had no choice but to BF or EP for my extreme postpartum rage. I broke things. I screamed. I said things I will never be able to take back. Thankfully I was blessed with such an amazing partner and father to my child. But even with him being the most understanding and patient, I almost lost him, too. Our fights were so terrible. I felt like no matter what he did, the labor of raising our daughter was never equal, and I started to hate him. It had gotten to the point where we barely even spoke to each other because so much had been done and said.
Still, I was convinced, she HAD to have breastmilk. And being on that pump was literally sucking the life out of me.
My daughter and I left and had fully planned to start living with my mom. During our stay at her house, she noticed I was slipping. She told me she didn’t recognize me. She suggested that I drop down to 2 pumps a day and supplement with formula for the rest of the feedings. I hated her for even making the suggestion, but out of pure exhaustion and desperation, I caved. And thank god I did. I had been pushed over the edge so long before that I couldn’t even see it anymore. After just 8 days of staying with my mom and supplementing formula, I felt the fog clear. I felt the wave of guilt crashing over me when I realized I was responsible for hurting the two things I love most in this world- my daughter and her father. I robbed my baby of the smiling, joyful mother she deserves, and I robbed my partner of the bond we had spent 2 years creating.
I became so obsessed with the benefits of breastmilk for my baby that I caused more harm than good. Moral of the story is, fed truly is best. And when you’re in the trenches, sometimes you’re too far gone to see that as the truth. But it is the only truth. I realized that breastmilk isn’t essential to my baby’s development- but a stable and happy mother is. I called my boyfriend. I came home. I washed my pump one last time, and put it in my bottom dresser drawer. And instead of mourning my “giving up”, We opened a bottle of alcohol and celebrated my success. And the strength it required to realize it was time to walk away. My baby gained 4.5 pounds because of my boobies, lol. She had breastmilk for 107 days. She is healthy. She is happy. And I finally have my life back. No more stressing if i’m eating enough- I can just stop when I’m full. No more feeling tethered to the house- we can go out for dinner or walks or family Target trips:) No more living my life on a timer. And most importantly, no more missing out on beautiful moments with my baby because I am miserable.
To all of the amazing mothers who continue to make this sacrifice for their babies everyday, I want to say I am so so proud of you. And I hope you never forget what an amazing thing you’ve done to give your baby any breastmilk at all- even when it felt damn near impossible. And thanks for reading my lil life lesson as a first time mom. ❤️

I'm 21, currently studying computer tech & information systems in a small city, in Turkey.
I started antidepressants almost a month ago, I'm a 2nd grader, I've been paying the bare minimum attention to my lessons, I don't feel like doing anything, I feel like I'm gonna fail few classes. I feel like I'm stuck in an autobot mode, I hardly feel anything and when I feel it's mostly depressing, melancholic, loneliness. I have few friends but I kinda don't want to see them anymore. I can't tell my parents a thing, feeling like it will disappoint them, my current days are passing without killing myself but does it count as living ?
I just want to leave the city, it's a small place, I feel like I can't be myself in this environment. It's such a small place that doesn't let you get a fresh breath. I want to leave but there's no such chance about that since it takes a very mental and financial effort that I can not afford at the moment.
I just feel so low feels like it's the deepest I reached, for sure worst can happen in life and sure will, Im just out of function, don't think anyone around me would understand. I just feel lost, everything moves so fast, I feel alienated, isolated in my mind.
I plan on going for a career in game development industry and trying to take action about that but I'm in a phase a slump that is really going hard. I have no one to talk about it so I'm here on a subreddit to get some kind of relief about things that I can't even talk to myself.

Edit: If you are going to comment on the length of this post, please don't. This is not a simple snark but rather an actual critical think piece about feminism and Taylor Swift.

Introduction

Pertaining to Taylor Swift, "Female Rage" has deviated from its intended meaning after Swift debuted a new performance of The Tortured Poets Department during the Eras Tour. Now, according to Swift's use of the phrase, female rage is interpreted as public backlash against Swift's dating choices rather than as a response to the broader injustices against women and women's rights. This post examines Taylor Swift's flawed feminism, philanthropy, branding, and the controversial trademark petition for the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical". Swift's background as an entertainer, indeterminate politics, and alignment with capitalism over feminism pervades her legacy, again threatening her public tolerance as not just an individual but as a brand.

Once Upon a Female Rage...

If you were cognizant in the early 2010's, you've heard countless jabs at Taylor Swift in the media. Magazines, radio, or online. Music critics did not take her seriously as a songwriter; parents put a woman on an unrealistic pedestal as the ideal role model for their children; she dated too much and used men as lyrical fodder. No matter the story, it inevitably spread, conjoined with everyone's respective opinions, and you'd be left to wonder, "Why does everyone hate this girl so much?"
Taylor's target demographic has always been young or adolescent girls, more so when Swift herself was one. She made music that spoke to the awkward misfit, cultivating a para-social relationship with fans on MySpace, then later twitter, Instagram, and YouTube, where Taylor posted relatable vlogs showcasing the life of a homegrown American girl. Taylor had a delayed public "growing up" and, compared to her female pop contemporaries, Swift never "gratuitously sexualized her image and seems pathologically averse to controversy" (and, apparently, never even had a sip of alcohol until she turned 21). She was more than happy to spin this narrative to allude to an inherent moral superiority above other women in the industry (Better Than Revenge, heard of it?), engaging in the very slut-shaming that she herself endured (the Madonna and Whore archetypes). The victim complex arose with the need to prove Taylor as a different type of pop girl. Based upon her holy and clean image, Swift had been dubbed "a feminist's nightmare", and that "[To Swift] other girls are obstacles; undeserving enemies who steal Taylor’s soulmates with their bewitching good looks and sexual availability." Feminism and Tennessee-Christian country values don't exactly mix, it seems.
Years later, Swift befriended Lena Dunham and thus experienced white feminism osmosis, where Dunham taught Swift that real feminists defend rapists, makes insensitive jokes about rape and abortion, and prioritize all-white casts. Swift then declared herself a feminist in 2014, saying,

"Becoming friends with Lena – without her preaching to me, but just seeing why she believes what she believes, why she says what she says, why she stands for what she stands for – has made me realize that I’ve been taking a feminist stance without actually saying so."

I suppose the male-centric songwriting subject that permeates Swift's discography contained covert feminism and that we just didn't see that. Perhaps, the "Bad Blood" song and music video were written only in jest and not about poor Katy Perry, for Swift, as a feminist, would "never make it a girl fight" or tear other women down (though all Katy did was date your terrible ex-boyfriend and allegedly steal three backup dancers from your tour). In 2013, Swift said, in response to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's joke towards her serial dating, "There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."
There was that time in 2015 Taylor said that Nicki Minaj was "invited to any stage [she is] on" (as if Taylor expects to have access to every stage, award, and platform that Nicki might not otherwise have as a black female artist...yikes!) in response to Nicki's criticism of the white + thin VMA nominations. Later, Nicki responded with confusion, as Swift continued, "It’s unlike you to pit women against each other. Maybe one of the men took your slot..". Of course, this 'beef' was 'squashed' when Nicki performed with Taylor at the VMAs, with Nicki quite literally only having 38 seconds of stage time without Taylor. Maybe all that parading around with a legion of famous white women - similar to the way Taylor might've done with her numerous 1989-era handbags - was in fact a stance against gender inequality, and that this display of "girl power" should be enough to constitute Swift as a feminist icon.
Even while Swift says that Dunham informed her feminist outlook, she dances around the exact contents of those beliefs: "what she believes, what she says, what she stands for" is not exactly insightful towards what beliefs Swift might have inherited. Taylor never broaches women's rights topics such femicide, FGM, forced pregnancy & marriage, sex trafficking, women in slavery, women's financial and political oppression, women's educational rights, women's health, or women's autonomy, so we can assume she only gives a fuck about "girls supporting girls" (whatever that fucking means).
Despite some questionable (and sometimes vindictive) behavior, Taylor as a young woman did not deserve every media lashing that she received. We cannot deny that most headlines and criticisms perpetuated a misogynistic rhetoric which has plagued Swift for a majority of her career. Acknowledging events such as the development of her ED, her sexual assault trial, "Famous" lyric and MV depiction of Taylor, and the explicit Twitter deepfakes, for example, as both disgusting and unfortunate things that happened to a young woman in Hollywood does not negate the fact that Taylor is mostly a performative feminist.

Get Your Fucking Ass Up and Be a Philanthropist, It Seems Like Nobody Wants to Be a Philanthropist These Days

In 2013, Taylor Swift cut the ribbon at the grand opening of the Taylor Swift Education Center at the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville, Tennessee. The donation amount - $4 million - was the largest individual artist gift ever donated to the Country Music Hall of Fame, which is, of course, mentioned on Swift's website. The two-story facility features three classrooms, an instrument room, and an interactive children's exhibit gallery. Swift also performed at "All for the Hall" charity shows and has donated numerous artifacts from her career (such as notable guitars, tour costumes, etc) to the museum.
This was over 11 years ago, and it is still the only notable philanthropic contribution Taylor Swift has made.
For a woman of her net worth and stature, and a woman who recognizes the difficulties for women in film and music, you would think that Taylor Swift might establish a scholarship program for women to study the arts or something. Perhaps Swift might even consider becoming a member of organizations that support female artists, or one that supports LGBTQ+ causes (since she is now proudly an ally), yet she remains superficial with her graces. Broader philanthropy, such as donating relief aid to Palestinian women or women impacted by violence and discrimination will probably never receive any financial support from Miss Swift because then she'd be using her money towards philanthropies involving anyone but white entertainers.
She even says herself in Miss Americana, "My entire moral code as a kid and now is a need to be thought of as 'good'." Well, she's certainly thought of as good, though her actions say otherwise. She's more than happy to do a vaguely altruistic song and dance for a clip-worthy interview quote and mass appeasement, then fuck off to one of her mansions on a 20 minute private jet flight, rather than actually contribute to anything pertaining to the causes she has endorsed. Yet, far too many people continue to give a woman such as her their money, time, and energy, and she hoards these resources to herself.

I Like Some of the Taylor's Songs, But What the Fuck Does She Know About Feminism?

Swift continued with her self-proclaimed feminist campaign, positioning herself as a political activist and LGBTQ+ ally in the Miss Americana documentary. The primary focus of the documentary consists of the sexual assault trial, Andrea Swift's cancer diagnosis, Taylor's ED and body dysmorphia, media scrutiny, and, largely, finally speaking up about her politics publicly, mostly her opposition to the 2018 Tennessee Republican senate candidate, Marsha Blackburn, and Blackburn's beliefs. Swift says, following a scene discussing her experience during the trial,

"I just couldn't really stop thinking about it. And I just thought to myself, next time there is any opportunity to change anything, you had better know what you stand for and what you want to say."

We must ask ourselves, though: when has Swift ever spoken up to change anything? Okay, pulling her entire catalogue from Spotify because they didn't pay their artists enough and similarly pulling her catalogue from Apple Music are changes that she leveraged due to her revenue potential and power, but they are not pertinent to the average woman's rights. Moreover, these are issues that directly impacted Taylor's income, which was enough reason for her to protest in the first place. Swift has sold the most units for a female artist in first week sales, is the first female artist with 100k monthly Spotify listeners, is the first female artist to win the Album of the Year Grammy 4 times, and is the first female artist to do X, Y, and Z, all while being inoffensive and family-friendly to boot. The actual Taylor Swift seems unwilling to compromise the brand of Taylor Swift by contributing in meaningful ways to feminist causes, especially if it is for women outside of America and Hollywood.
The reason political anthems such as "The Man" and "Only the Young" of the Lover era feel disingenuous and corporate is because, well, it is. Taylor has taken every opportunity to advance her career or public image at the expense of other women. What is truly genuine to Taylor's outlook on other women is vying for male attention, taking down female competition, and vocalizing feminist injustices only if they directly impact her and her money. Some will argue that it's satisfactory for a woman with such a huge platform to even TALK about feminism, but that just isn't enough. It's even less impressive when you candidly look at the scope of her feminist lens: "If I was the man, then I'd be THE MAN", or "I really resent the ‘Be careful, buddy, she’s going to write a song about you’ angle, because it trivialises what I do", and, of course, "We all got crowns". Feminism, but only when it happens to me. It gets worse when you look at Taylor's track record of copying other famous women and removing other female artists as potential threats to her pop prowess.
It's good for PR to align yourself with certain blanket feminist and political beliefs, therefore good for branding, therefore good for ticketing and merchandise sales, therefore good for business. And Taylor Swift is a business.
She's not a feminist. Taylor Swift is a capitalist.

I Can't Pay Those Sweatshop Workers a Livable Wage or Benefits! How Else Would I Make My Billions?

Recently, Taylor's team filed to trademark the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical" after Taylor said during Paris N1 of the Eras Tour,

"So you were the first ones to see The Tortured Poets at the Eras Tour...or as I like to call it, 'Female Rage: The Musical'."

This trademark petition was filed last week on Saturday, and news comes about just as numerous unofficial fan-made merch designs have cropped up with this phrase plastered on Fruit of the Loom basics. I'm of the opinion Swift's team motioned for a trademark so that they can send out cease & desists to all those that make knockoff merch, which disrupts potential sales for Bravado, UMG's choice merchandising company; however, since it was filed earlier, perhaps Swift has bigger plans with the bizarre use of the gendered phrase. One Swiftie referred to the phrase "female rage" as "a funny Eras Tour joke". Could it be a possible fourth version of the Eras Tour Movie? Whatever the reason, the motion to capitalize off of such a concept is disgusting, but not unsurprising, for a woman that profits on her vain feminism.
Swift, through her company, TAS Rights Managements, has also trademarked over 200 phrases, including "1989", where she owns the property rights to this calendar year on keychains, phone cases, sunglasses, stationary, bags, beverage ware, clothing, entertainment services, your subconscious, and, of course, Christmas ornaments.
The vapid consumerism in Swiftie culture is, frankly, disgusting. Bravado's sustainability statement is non-existent, the quality control is abysmal, and the materials they use are horrible. The materials, such as acrylic and polyester, are made from petrochemicals. This means they are non-renewable, shed microplastics, and are quite toxic in production. The manufacturing process to make all of those lazy-rushed Eras Tour logo graphic tees is a huge blow to environmental well-being. Apparently, though, Swifties don't give a fuck. They sell out products in seconds and either have to face the manufactured scarcity or buy from a scalper that resells for 200% of the already ridiculous retail price. This doesn't include the environmental impact of vinyl records, CD, and cassette production, of which Taylor produces many variants that sell unsustainable amounts.
If we're talking about women's rights violations, why is no one acknowledging the women that work in the inhumane sweatshop conditions that have to pump out fugly t-shirts and hats? The millions of plastic microfiber dander they are inhaling, or the toxic dyes that touch their bare skin? Are they being compensated fairly for their skilled labour and are they in safe working environments? Do these women have minimal bargaining power, and do they have authority over their worker's rights? Is Taylor Swift female raging at their injustices? Does Taylor Swift ever feels bad that her wealth was built on the backs of women of color, disadvantaged by the demands of the global economy and garment industry? Do you think she ever says a little white feminist prayer for them before she goes to sleep at night?
What's even crazier is not that Taylor herself doesn't care, it's that Swifties don't care. There CANNOT BE ethical billionaires. You only make a billion dollars if you are exploiting other human beings for capital gain. Based on public perception of the possible "Female Rage: The Musical" trademark, it seems like Swifties are already asking for merch with this phrase. "If Taylor made it, I'd buy it." Oh, cool. So not only do you champion Miss Swift's avarice and billionaire status, but you also are unashamed to admit to your blind consumption of her music and merchandise, no matter where they might originate in production or sincerity. Just as Swift takes and takes and takes, Swifties' consumerism of Taylor Swift cannot be quelled.
The tortured artist's most vulnerable and sincere poetry...available now in 21 different versions!

I Am Tortured Poet, Hear Me Whinge

Look - even if Taylor's intention is to characterize TTPD as more "tortured" and "angry", the main thread of the album is "I was ghosted by my decade-long situationship with a controversial indie boy and my fucking stupid fans wrote a 'Speak Up Now' open letter prompting me to drop him" anger, which is adequately expressed in the lyrics and performances. The extent of Taylor's "female rage" on TTPD is on tracks such as "Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?", which contends with relentless media scrutiny; "But Daddy I Love Him", where Swift firmly states she'll date whoever she likes no matter how "Sarahs and Hannahs" may react; and "The Albatross", a track mythologizing her reputation and the consequences of dating her. Of course, these coincide with deep psychological wounds that formed during Swift's early years in the media, and so, from her feminist perspective, these subjects tackle the misogyny and double standards that she faced.
Yet Taylor Swift still has no grounds to be claiming that TTPD best exemplifies female rage and therefore she, in the context of this album, is female rage incarnate. As the daughter of a stock broker and mutual fund marketing executive, Taylor was born into wealth and allowed privileges like trips and subsequent relocation to Nashville all so that she might get a record deal. Her father even invested at least $120,000 into the then-fledgling label, Big Machine Records, which ensured Taylor's place with Borchetta after leaving her dead-end development deal with Sony. The fact that her parents were able to buy her a fucking brand new guitar for Christmas and pay for music lessons says so much about the financial security and safety of her childhood.
Money is privilege and protection, and despite Swift's experiences with misogyny and loser boyfriends, she does not know what female rage is.
Her rage is derived from her frustrations with her obsessive fans pulling the moral superiority card on Taylor in response to her rebound with Matty Healy. That's literally it. She's just pissed that the monster she created is no longer obediant, it's become a feral, sovereign entity that depletes the world of its natural resources and thinks it is more intelligent than it actually is because it's mommy has started to talk to it with big words. Apparently, 'illicit', 'elegy', 'nonchalant', and 'precocious' are considerably big words for the oafish monster, and I find it strange that this level of literacy is present in a group of fans that allegedly have GPAs of 3.5 or higher, but I digress.
Taylor Swift has never been one paycheck away from destitution. Taylor Swift has never experienced racial discrimination. She may have instances of gender discrimination, but she possesses the ideal white, blonde American beauty standard and therefore reaps the benefits of being a conventionally attractive woman. Taylor Swift has sufficient social capital. Taylor Swift is a billionaire woman prolonging her victimhood though she, as a woman, has mostly had control over her image and music (unlike her contemporaries). Taylor Swift is NOT entitled to be championed for her "female rage", nor should she be. Taylor Swift has never even been the struggling artist, for fuck's sake. I don't give a fuck if she's trying to fill the empty lunch tables of her past. Taylor Swift purporting herself, her unpolished album, and her lukewarm feminism as a musical bleeding with female rage is asinine.

Sigh Try and Come For My Job, Poors

Out there in the world right now is a 23-year-old woman, a recent college grad, who works as a barista. She has to wake up and get ready to go into a minimum wage job because she cannot get a job in her field. She doesn't have healthcare benefits or sick time, so she has to go into work no matter how she's feeling. All day long she is berated by vicious customers and creepy men, and, exhausted from being on her feet, she knows she has to go home to her shitty roommate that never does the dishes and her roommate's shitty dog. To comfort herself, she considers getting a treat, but thinks against it when she remembers that matcha lattes cost $15 and they taste like milky dirt. She knows that she needs to buy groceries this week, and so the woman resolves to go home, but notices that her gas tank is low. She goes to put gas in the car, but the pump stops at $27.86 because that's all that she has in her checking account. The woman, bereft and reeling, sinks into the driver's seat. "Well," she thinks, her head in her hands, "at least I don't have Taylor Swift's job. I just couldn't imagine."
Fame is somewhat of a choice. If at any moment Taylor feels that she is misunderstood, misconstrued, or overwhelmed by public opinion, she can LEAVE the public eye - Lord knows she has the retirement fund and residuals to do so. In "I Can Do It With a Broken Heart", the TTPD song about meeting the demands of your career-zenith mega-tour while in the relationship trenches, Taylor ends the song by rambling,

"You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart...you know you're good...and I'm good, cause I'm miserable, and no one even knows!...try and come for my job."

Yeah, obviously we wouldn't know, you recently passed the billionaire threshold and are the most famous and in-demand performer in the world right now. Taylor Swift makes an estimated $10 to $13 million dollars A NIGHT on the Eras Tour. Furthermore, the Eras Tour movie grossed $261.6 million globally, (which, as the producer, Taylor takes home 57% of the ticket sales) not counting the streaming revenue from Amazon Prime Video and the estimated $75 million deal that Disney paid to have it on Disney+. We're not even considering the income from cheap plastic popcorn buckets and drink cups plastered with colored squares in her Era-specific likeness.
It's funny. Taylor Swift often said that being famous wasn't hard, that she "isn't complaining". I'm sure it is difficult to always have to present in a good mood, else you'll end up misrepresented in the media, and I'm sure it's invasive to virtually have no privacy or semblance of anonymity. Still, Taylor Swift shows up each night of tour and performs. For a majority of her career, she has penned her sad songs while on the road. Most of "Red", her breakup album, was written in the thick of the Speak Now World tour. Now, some Swifties say they almost "feel bad" for attending the Eras Tour with Swift's revelations in this song, that they have had a 'dimmed experience' upon hearing Taylor's misery whilst performing. Despite the fact that Taylor said that "this was the happiest she's ever been" at Gilette Stadium in May, the lyrics "boohoo, woe is me, smile for the cameras and make the fans happy!!!" are jarring for Eras attendees.
While Taylor Swift was making double-digit millions a night in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and feeling miserable, Ana Clara Benevides Machado passed away due to heat exposure. The concert promoters, Time For Fun, are now the subject of a criminal investigation due to their lack of adequate hydration and safety. Taylor Swift cancelled the Sunday show that was to follow and offered VIP tent tickets to Benevides Marchado's family, which was a kind gesture, but perhaps incongruous to the incident of which they were offered as consolation. Everyone grieves differently, of course, but I'm not sure attending the very show at the very same venue that my daughter or sister passed away in two days prior, where the singer CONTINUED the show despite her death, would be healthy for closure.
There was no female rage at the show as Swift never saw Benevides Machado pass out. There was no female rage towards the disregard for fans as humans while Swift elected to proceed with her Brazil tour dates despite the country being in historic heatwaves (at risk of overheatting herself). If Taylor Swift was so shaken by touring with a broken heart or a fan's passing, she wouldn't have added an additional North American leg of Eras just two months after the Matty breakup. She's brokenhearted but willing to mend the cracks with your money and move onward with her worldwide female rage induced pillaging.
No matter what happens, even if you die at a Taylor Swift concert, Taylor collects a big fat check and flies away. She doesn't know you as anything other than a conversion rate or earning potential despite what her nearly 20-year long parasocial relationship with fans might otherwise indicate. She knows that, while some Swifties are without disposable income, they feel obligated to spend on a "48 Hours Only!" exclusive vinyl variant instead of necessities because they are so entrenched in Taylor Swift's intoxicating celebrity, they'll prioritize materialistic fandom before their needs. This is good enough for her because this means she can expand her real estate portfolio and finance her cat's lavish lifestyles. They're worth an estimated $100 million dollars. Her three cats could pool their net worth and solve world hunger.
While you and I might be denied bereavement leave and barely surviving the current political and economic climate, Taylor Swift has to, instead of gets to, perform for stadiums at full attendance for three nights in a row across the globe. You and I might be replaced by AI at our longtime jobs, but Taylor Swift is threatened with losing more and more money each time you listen to a "Stolen Version" of her songs. If we don't buy every variant of all of her albums, then who is going to pay for the fucking cats?
It is tone deaf to spend as she spends and lives as she lives in this economy, but this is her reality. She was able to donate $100,000 to all of her tour truck drivers, and that's wonderful, but it leads me to wonder about the ethos of the 2020s where one woman can hoard such life-changing amounts of money. Remember in 2014 when she gave a fan $90 ($120 in today's money) to get Chipotle because she had no fucking clue how much it cost? This is a 34-year-old woman who is increasingly out of touch with the reality for working class people and women in general. Normal everyday adults must wake up and go to their thankless jobs, and yet Taylor Swift, despite all her riches, incessantly references the lows of her life and career as a public figure and entertainer to farm sympathy and drive sales. And still, the corporate women have latched onto "I cry a lot, but I am so productive! It's an art!" as their cubicle battle cry.
Do you think that, from up in her private jet, Taylor Swift gazes at the world through her poetic, tortured eyes, and thinks, "All the little people, in their cars, walking, going about their lives...all those girls that don't support girls...do they know that I've made an album about female rage?"

Conclusion/TLDR

Thank you for reading. I would love to hear your critical insights towards this entire ordeal: TTPD, the trademark, the implications of it all.
TLDR: Taylor Swift is a bad feminist and is delusional to think that the TTPD eras set exemplifies female rage at women's injustice.

I’m in college and student teaching and always have trouble coming up with learning objectives for some of these standards. Right now I need to come up with two MEASURABLE learning objectives for these standards that are for the same lesson plan-ELA: With prompting and support, actively engage group reading activities with purpose and understanding. ELP- Construct meaning from oral presentations and literary and informational text through grade appropriate listening, reading, and viewing. Any tips, tricks, resources, or anything helpful is appreciated. I seem to get stuck on these often and am trying to find a way to make it simple. TIA

I (25F) finish my SCITT (School Centered Initial Teacher Training) course in July this year in the UK, training to teach science (chemistry) in secondary school. Before this I taught for 2 years in the middle school sector american curriculum in an international school in Saudi Arabia. I am fully aware of how demanding the teaching profession can be - my degree is in Education studies - but during this year I have been more sick with stress than I ever have in my life and have had more sick days off due to being physically sick or even I mentally couldn't hack it to the point the thought of going into school would make me cry at times.
The workload is ridiculous pushing past the point arguably of what teachers actually do, I'm expected to observe lessons in time that I don't have - I'm expected to teach 15 hours a week (the lessons being planned from scratch by myself which none of the teachers that work of the school do as they just use lessons from a shared area that I can only really use for 1 or 2 lessons a week.), the amount of paperwork to complete for my evidence bundle is insane including 3 page lesson plans for each lesson I teach, a sequence of learning to explain why I had done and planned the way I had, weekly reflections that need to be submitted, plenty of outer reading with proof you're doing it, behaviour management and professional behaviours logs, additional subject knowledge tasks and time taken away from PPAs for subject training. The lack of support for all this work is minimal because none of the teachers have enough time to sit with me and talk about the lessons or help plan and I often think I'm just in their way. On top of all this paperwork I am also expected to write my PGCE assessments, which due to a failure on the university's part half of my cohort have failed the second assessment, partake in the revision sessions for year 11 after school 3 days a week, be part of the science club for year 7s and mark all the books for all 10 classes I teach - I won't officially get home until around 6pm where I have dinner and take a shower and continue to lesson plan and do work until around 1am because all lesson plans need to be submitted to my host teacher for that class 48 hours before the actual lesson.
I honestly just feel burnt out and don't think I can cope with it all along with the attitude and behaviour of the students that are so disrespectful. Should I quit?

hey, this is my first reddit post and i'll try to be as precise as possible and not prolong this too much.so sorry for grammar mistakes or if this seems chaotic i really don't know where else to turn.
so it all started before i was born. my mom is a woman raised where i was raised as well and my dad came from a country near by due to war. my mom was raised by an abusive mom (my abusive grandma) and by an absent dad(my grandpa was working a lot in the US). my dad was raised by okish parents, his dad died of lung cancer which is a thing my dad never overcame, and my grandma was a teacher who was strict but my dad has a lot of siblings so i guess they managed.
my mom has a brother who is older then her and is a successful businessman. my dad is the oldest of them 4, and is a teacher as well.
my mom and dad met bc of my dad being a teachers assistant and my mom going to his lessons. he is 7 yrs older then my mom so its not as weird as it sounds. eventually they started dating and got me in March of 2000. they divorced in 2006. officially, and were not together since 2004.
so early on i was in care of my abusive mom. she was emotionally and physically abusive from my first memory since 2014. when i decided to run away from "home" forever. i never had a place to call home. my moms place was always cluttered and i could not get any privacy o relax for a second or she would loose her shit. she was diagnosed with depression and cancer in 2017. and that crushed her to a spiraling depression and led me to be forever scared. my mom was so abusive that i had to put foundation on to cover bruises when i was 9 or 10. she called me a slut, garbage, a failure, a bitch etc. all of that stuck to me till this day. i was a straight A student but if i were to get B or god forbid B- i was punished in front of my friends, my relatives or at home. NOBODY SEEMED TO CARE. but everybody knew.
my dad had a very good job at the time. he had quite a bit of money so he'd send some to my mom to spend on me but now remembering i cant say that i remember her spending that amount on me. also i had no concept of money. i was a child. then i hit the age of 10\11 and developed some idea that this was not normal. so every time my mom would harm me i would find a way to call my dad and be crying and begging him to come and get me. i loved my dad the most back then. he would always brush it off or say we'll go to grandmas this weekend but it was only Wednesday so will i survive till then? but it didnt matter i trusted that man with my life.
and so after endless sleepless nights (thats why im short btw) and the never ending abuse, my dad would randomly show up and pick me up from like kinder garden or school like a was some kind of a cute lil pet. and not just that! he would buy me that one thing i wanted as all kids i think at least, have that one thing they like. so he'd buy it for me. and we would go to Mc Donalds since my mom forbid me that kind of food (i was a model and played flute so i ate only small amount of usually boiled rice and fish). so based on all this my dad was a superhero. i loved that man so much.
i forgot to mention but, i was in a mental institution since my dads wife is a doctor and a bitch so she thought it was a good idea to lock me up with seriously dangerous kids and make me stay there for 20 days till it was claimed that i am ok, just has a teenage behavior. i think i will never forgive them for that. im not sure but i think it was 2016.
until October of 2014. i decided to end this vicious cycle. my mom was hitting me and i had enough. i punched back. hard. and i ran through that door like my dad did and never looked back. mom and dad were looking for me for the whole night since i didnt grab my phone while all this was happening. i didnt care. i was with a guy who ended up to be the love of my life and would be killed by his friend in 2018.
after all of this i started to realize i was not small and vulnerable as i was before. so i started to live on the streets. i didnt eat, sleep or shower at home. sometimes i would sleep in front of peoples doors in buildings. i started to fail school. and again it was all my fault. my whole life was my fault. always.
one day my dad had enough since he was always looking for me and not sleeping. so he decided to put me in a campus while im in high school. thats not rly common over here btw. so i went. and i was mad since 150km from my hometown was a lot and my bf(that dude i talked abt already) was in jail so i felt like i was in jail too. i was bullied a lot. and s/harassed. my parents have no idea abt this tho.
so 2018. rolles up. my mom has survived cancer, my dad is proud cuz i graduated and everything seems to be fine. but it rly wasnt. as i mentioned my bf was k!lled that summer(a few days before his birthday) so i was completely alone now. i had some relationships but they didnt matter at all. i was and maybe still am, dead inside.
after that summer i came back to my hometown. this time my dad has planned for me to stay at my grandmas since shes far away from the city center and also has a whole house to her. thats when i developed a bunch of mental disorders, had my first panic attack, went to the hospital o the daily bases, was harassed on the street and had to seek help from a psychiatrist again. only this time i found out that i had depression and this and that and the other. after months of trying to figure out what is wrong with me my latest dr said that it was cptsd and anxiety and since then i have never been the same.
i have had recently an epileptic seizure as well so i am now 10x more terrified of the world. i cant go anywhere without really preparing for it. i was paralyzed for months and suddenly i live w my now boyfriend who doesn't understand shit, have parents who aren't capable of helping led alone love, and with a few friends. and a mean like 3 friends.
i feel so bad. i feel like i don't want to live anymore. please help me im too embarrassed to talk to anyone.
tnx if u read

I read through the website but was still a bit lost about some things, so I came here to ask!

1. For internships, in which term can we apply for one? And how many can we get throughout the 8 terms? Is there a limit?
   
2. For exchanges, which term is it in? And is it for the whole term or just a few weeks?
   
3. Is getting a hostel room competitive after freshmore? I stay rather far from SUTD so I was planning to stay in hostel throughout my four years there.
   
4. I read about early matriculation. Is it possible for just anyone to matriculate early? But lessons don’t start early, right?
   

I think that’s it for now, sorry if these can be answered easily on the website 😭

I've been playing flute for the past 6 years and I want to switch it up and learn a different instrument. I plan to take lessons and practice over the summer(and continue during the school year). I just don't know roughly when I can expect to be able to play well enough and manage the music we play in class so I can switch. We usually play level 2 music, maybe a little harder, for context.

Hey y'all,
My step daughter has an every other weekend type schedule with her Dad. My partner's parenting plan with him was made when she was a wee babe, so doesn't include any sort of accommodations for extracurricular or athletic pursuits. She's at the age of starting team sports. This kid has a need for speed, and seems prone to be a sport kid. Super wanted to get her into softball this spring. Her dad however won't budge on scheduling or working with her mom to find some suitable way to divide time/participation. So this would leave her missing half of all games or practices. She's already already missed out on lessons. It sucks.
I assume this situation is fairly common... because exes often suck, and lots of parents have to deal with them.
Anybody here know of any teams that would work on a schedule like this? Any accommodating clubs that haven't faulted a kid for missing half the season? Words of advice?
Appreciate it.

Synopsis:
Carlos was an ordinary software engineer on Earth, up until he died and found himself in a fantasy world of dungeons, magic, and adventure. This new world offers many fascinating possibilities, but it's unfortunate that the skills he spent much of his life developing will be useless because they don't have computers.
Wait, why does this spell incantation read like a computer program's source code? Magic is programming?
___
Here we go with book 2!
<< First < Previous Next > (RR) or Next > (Patreon)
Carlos lounged comfortably on one of the mayor's fancy sofas. At 23 years old with a healthy body he really didn't need cushioned upholstery, but he liked how it felt. Honestly, he was probably more comfortable with high quality furniture than someone of his relatively low-income background should be in this world. Spoiled by the mass production factories of modern Earth, I suppose. All of this stuff here is probably handmade. Er, make that definitely handmade. Unless they have magic factories I haven't heard about, or something. He mentally shrugged. There was no point trying to change his attitudes toward furniture now. While this world might have higher prices for a lot of things than he was used to, he was also a lot richer than he was used to thanks to having become a noble lord. People would expect him to treat fine furniture as cheap because of his station.
I might have the physical habits of a couch potato, but at least I don't look like one. Too skinny. Not as skinny as Amber, though. He smiled as he watched the young woman next to him on the sofa continue animatedly expounding on their recent adventures together. She was lanky, with few curves to speak of and spindly limbs, far from any conventional picture of feminine beauty. Her hair, a slightly lighter shade of brown than his own, was cropped short. He thought she was 18 or 19 years old, but wasn't sure. Have I really never asked her age before? ... Would that be a rude question here? Regardless of her age, she had grown her confidence a lot since their first meeting a few weeks ago. She'd found her footing in a new life that she'd seized with utter determination, and he saw no sign of the shyness that she'd first greeted him with. The way her potential was finally blooming was beautiful to watch.
Carlos turned his gaze to the sofa across from them and carefully held back from laughing at the expressions Trinlen was making as Amber wrapped up explaining the events and developments they'd gone through since their introduction to him at the Royal Mage Academy. Carlos had contributed a fair amount to the explanation at first, but Amber had taken to it with enthusiasm when she arrived, and he could tell she was enjoying it. The young man in front of them, newly graduated from said academy, was on the edge of his seat and leaning forward, hanging attentively on every word. His casual attire, plain and made of cheap materials, looked thoroughly out of place on the finely embroidered velvet of the sofa, but he'd shown no sign of even noticing the finery around him. Excitement warred for control of his face with surprise, disbelief, envy, and dismay.
Amber finished her impromptu monologue, and Trinlen slowly schooled his face into a neutral expression. His voice was tense and tightly controlled. "So... In short, you're telling me that in the mere two weeks since you met me, you discovered a mana-poaching conspiracy of nobles, were abducted right under the noses of two royal guards without them even noticing, absorbed mana so fast that you gained 6 levels in a day and a half - so unfair, by the way - somehow learned an obscure portal spell from just its name and description, found evidence of a conspiracy against the Crown, and personally met a princess." He paused, then threw his hands up as he wailed in frustration and disappointment. "And I missed it!?"
Carlos threw back his head and burst out laughing. He couldn't help it. Trinlen just sounded so much like a little kid who'd barely missed out on a candy store giving away its entire stock for free. It was such an incredible light-hearted contrast with how everyone else viewed these same events that the sheer ridiculousness of it was overwhelming. Amber joined the laughter a moment later, shaking her head in amused disbelief, and after a few more seconds Trinlen started chuckling too.
Carlos's laughter eventually trailed off, and he took a deep breath to settle down. "Thanks, Trinlen. It's been a very stressful two weeks, and laughing like that helped release a lot of it. Feels good. Anyway, what have you been up to? I thought you would take a whole month to graduate?"
"Technically I only said 'next month', not that it would be at the same point in the month. But yes, this is earlier than I expected. The normal graduation ceremony is still a week and a half away." Trinlen shrugged. "They didn't explain the reasons, but after what you said I'm guessing your meeting with the princess prompted her to do something. The vice headmaster called me to his office yesterday morning, a few teachers grilled me on my classwork, and they declared I'd passed my exams. Then they told me to pack because I'd be teleported to my new employers the next day, and here I am." He sighed. "Hmph. Now I won't get to humiliate Norla in front of the whole academy when she gives her speech." Then he perked up and grinned widely. "But it sounds like you two are going to be so much fun that I'll get over it in no time!"
"I'm not sure if I agree with your idea of fun, Trinlen, but if it motivates you to help us more then that's good enough for me." Carlos chuckled again. "Anyway, do you need some time to get settled in? You might need to think about lesson plans for us too. We don't need just catalogues of incantations to learn anymore, at least not for simple ones, but I believe you learned other things in the academy too. You mentioned creating your own spells, as I recall."
Trinlen nodded. "I did mention that, yes. I'm guessing your lack of need for a catalogue is because of your newfound ability to somehow pull entire incantations from thin air? You'll have to at least tell me about the limitations of that so I'll know what I still need to teach you, but yeah, there are other things. For one thing, there's your sloppy terminology! Why does no one outside of the academy care about properly distinguishing between the states of mana? Is it really that hard to understand that calling aether, mana, and essence all by the same term obscures your meaning and often causes confusion? Or are people so stupid that they can't even understand the difference?"
Carlos blinked and exchanged a look with Amber. His comprehension aid informed him about the distinction the instant Trinlen spoke the terms. That would have been nice to know earlier. The comprehension aid is a house secret, so we should let him explain. "At least for us, it's just ignorance. I don't think I've even heard the other two terms you mentioned, and certainly no one ever explained them. So, what is the difference?"
Trinlen paused, cocked his head for a moment, and slowly deflated after his impassioned rant. "Yeah, okay, that's fair. I don't think I ever heard about it before going to the academy either." He sat up straight. "Aether is what you've been calling ambient mana. It's thin like air, and it's everywhere. Its only use is converting it to mana or essence. Mana, using the term with proper precision, is thicker but still fluid like water. It exists primarily in people or creatures and is used as fuel to supply power for spells and magical effects. Essence is hard and solid. It is the material that soul structures are made of, as well as the forms of active spells and enchantments. Am I clear so far?"
Amber answered first. "Yes, I'm familiar with each of the forms you described. I have questions about more details - so many questions - but you should get properly settled in, and maybe eat lunch, before we really get down to it. Have you spoken with Mayor Stelras yet? Do you have lodging sorted out?"
"I went by his office first. He's having someone take my luggage to an inn. The Adventurer's Haven, I think? He said something about a 'low-value target' and having an empty suite already booked." Trinlen's eyes widened. "Waaait a minute. Is he putting me in the room you two were abducted from?"
Carlos shrugged. "Sounds like it."
"Nice! Think there'll be any evidence left of how it was done?"
"Haha! Probably not by this point, but you're welcome to look. Now go get unpacked, eat a meal, and start planning your lessons for us. I'm glad you're here, but we have some other things to do too."
Trinlen nodded and stood up. "Sure. I'll be back before you miss me."
Carlos waved as Trinlen sauntered out the door. He and Amber sat in companionable silence for a while as he felt the mana - or essence? - of Trinlen's soul moving off into the distance. "Well. That was interesting. It's good to have him, but I was expecting a bit more time to think and plan before he'd get here."
"Yeah." Amber stretched and then leaned back into the sofa's cushions, luxuriating in their soft firmness. "So, how much are we going to tell him? How useful will his knowledge even be for us, now that we have, what did you call it, the reference documentation? That bit about the states of mana is good to know, but is it really relevant and important, and how much more can there be that's not in the documentation?"
"Be careful talking about that out loud, remember?" Carlos relaxed and draped his arms across the sofa's back as he focused his mind on their mental bond through Purple, their friendly dungeon core. [On Earth, we made many languages similar to the language of incantations, and we had the reference documentation for all of them. We even published that documentation free for everyone to have. Teachers for those languages were still useful, and even critically important for many people. Having access to knowledge doesn't mean you automatically understand how to properly apply it. There may be related knowledge we have no idea even exists. There could be techniques and patterns for how to use the language that are simply outside the scope of the documentation. Perhaps most importantly, a teacher can use their experience to notice a student's mistakes and correct them before they become problems.]
[Hmm.] Amber bit her lip, thinking. [Like how I knew about making soul structures and synergies between them, but had no idea about the importance of being able to examine and fix them, I suppose.]
Carlos nodded. [Yeah. And that's a really simple example. I know some that are a lot more complex, though I'm not sure how many of them are even applicable for incantations. Inversion of control, dependency injection, factory patterns...] He shook his head. [Just the context knowledge needed to be able to fully understand those could take days or weeks to teach well enough for you to use them. I could maybe explain the basic ideas faster with some simplified analogies, but that would lose so many details that I doubt it would still be useful.]
Amber paused. [... Even my comprehension aid is baffled by the terms you just said. It translated the individual words that you said, but all I got for the phrases is a confusing jumble.] She chuckled. [Anyway, I concede the point. Trinlen will still be able to teach us important and useful things. We still need to decide what secrets to share with him.]
[A lot depends on how good he is at keeping secrets. We don't actually know him all that well yet. He's certainly fun, and he seems clever, but for assessing his integrity we're leaning pretty hard on just a janitor vouching for him.] Carlos frowned in thought. [In order for him to do his job, he needs to know that we can only "pull an entire incantation from thin air" if it's a simple one. He does not need to know the full details of help, however, and most certainly does not need to learn to use it himself. That secret is a very sensitive one, where even just letting too much knowledge of it spread would lose us a major advantage.]
[Definitely. No casting help where he can hear it, and don't say anything about it that's not directly relevant for his teaching, either. Not until he's earned our full trust.] Amber lapsed into silent consideration. [We should introduce him to Purple. We'll kind of have to at some point anyway, and the really valuable thing there is Purple himself, not just the knowledge of his existence.]
Carlos nodded. [True. I think that probably is the least sensitive of our house secrets, and being able to call him through a bond with Purple would be useful.] He chuckled. [And maybe his cleverness will end up producing some good ideas for Purple to use. See if he can find a more productive outlet than pranks for his creativity. And then... If he keeps that secret well enough for long enough, we can consider trusting him with more secrets.]
Amber sent back wordless agreement.
Carlos started sitting up, lifting himself out of the comfortable cushions. "Well, we should get some food ourselves, too. And maybe introduce Trinlen to everyone else along with Purple." He stood up and spotted a letter he'd set aside when Trinlen arrived. "Oh yeah, and what do you think we should do about Kindar?"
"Wait, what's this about Kindar?"
<< First < Previous Next > (RR) or Next > (Patreon)
Royal Road Patreon Discord
Royal Road and free Patreon posts are 1 chapter ahead.
Please rate the story on Royal Road!
Thank you to all my new patrons!
Special thanks to my Mythril patrons Scott Snyder and Barbar!
Patreon has 5+ advance chapters if you want to read more.

Had another eye opening mother's day with the Nmom and Nbrother. Sent her mother's day and birthday gift this year instead of hand delivering since the last 2 years my brother planned the day and excluded from it. So I wasn't expecting anything nor planned to be there until she asked me if I was coming over. I asked her what the plan was and time before agreeing. She said we're bbqing. My husband and go over, do the family hi and hugs, sit down to eat some food, and everything seems fine.....
My dad tells me in a casual conversation he's glad I came over and was annoyed at mom for having to force her to invite me over to eat. Strike One, mom never wanted me to come.
My brother casually says how they're all planned up ready to celebrate my nieces graduation the next day. Strike Two, my husband and I aren't invited and it's further disclosed that he stopped inviting us to all her events for the past year or so.
And Strike Three, when we said our goodbyes, mom thanked us for coming, we thanked her for inviting us, and she said well it's mother's day, I don't know why you wouldn't come over. My response, well we didn't want to intrude after the chaos of how everything was planned on the last few mother's days. We wished them all well, congrats to my niece, and safe journey to her graduation and back.
Lesson learned, triangulation is still on, my husband and I are excluded from any and all events. They basically just want to support my brother and force me to deal with his drama, support him, and allow us to continue disrespecting boundaries and lack accountability for all actions to be included. Nothing new there. We're going to see my MIL next year instead.
How was your mother's day?

I have got some gain time from my Y11s leaving. However my HOD has asked me to plan an entire scheme of work for the Y12s for next year. This is a years worth of lessons (around 100) and other than the textbooks there are little to no pre-existing resources and no previous scheme of work.
I’m at ECT2 and have no experience planning schemes of work. My HOD wants this done within 4 weeks (one of which is half term) and I only have about 10 gain time lessons.
I have addressed this with him and he just keeps saying ‘we need to be flexible’. He is setting me up to fail and I don’t know what to do. We’ve already had many issues this year and I think this might be a way to criticise me for not meeting his expectations.
What should I do in this situation?

I've been playing flute for the past 6 years and I just want to switch it up and learn a different instrument. I plan to take lessons and practice over the summer(and continue during the school year) i just don't know when I can expect to be somewhat on par with my classmates and manage in class. We usually play level 2 music, maybe a little higher sometimes.

In a bold move aimed at preserving the fragile Arctic environment, Norway is selling a significant portion of state-owned land on the Svalbard archipelago. This unprecedented decision, announced on May 14, 2024, marks a pivotal moment in the region's history, blending conservation efforts with sustainable development.

The Svalbard Archipelago: A Unique Ecosystem

Svalbard, located midway between mainland Norway and the North Pole, is renowned for its breathtaking landscapes and unique biodiversity. Home to polar bears, reindeer, and numerous bird species, the archipelago is a haven for wildlife enthusiasts and scientists alike. However, the region's delicate ecosystem faces increasing threats from climate change and human activities.

The Sale: Objectives and Implications

The Norwegian government aims to ensure that the land sale aligns with the principles of sustainability and environmental protection. Prospective buyers are required to present detailed plans demonstrating their commitment to these values. This approach is intended to attract environmentally conscious investors who can contribute to Svalbard's long-term preservation.

Balancing Development and Conservation

One of the primary goals of the land sale is to strike a balance between development and conservation. The government hopes to promote responsible tourism and scientific research while minimizing the environmental footprint. This strategy includes encouraging eco-friendly infrastructure projects and supporting initiatives that enhance the local economy without compromising the archipelago's natural beauty.

The Role of Tourism

Tourism plays a crucial role in Svalbard's economy, drawing visitors eager to experience the Arctic wilderness. However, the influx of tourists poses challenges, including potential disturbances to wildlife and increased carbon emissions. By involving stakeholders in the decision-making process, the Norwegian government aims to implement sustainable tourism practices that benefit both the environment and the local community.

Scientific Research and Innovation

Svalbard has long been a hub for scientific research, with institutions studying climate change, glaciology, and Arctic biology. The land sale is expected to bolster research efforts by providing new opportunities for collaboration and innovation. Researchers will have access to new sites for field studies, facilitating a deeper understanding of the Arctic ecosystem and informing global climate policy.

Conclusion

Norway's decision to sell land on Svalbard represents a forward-thinking approach to conservation and sustainable development. By prioritizing environmental protection and responsible investment, the government is setting a precedent for how fragile ecosystems can be preserved while fostering economic growth. As the world grapples with the impacts of climate change, Svalbard's example offers valuable lessons in balancing human activities with nature's needs.

A couple years ago I woke up in the middle of the night and shared this extremely vivid dream on actingclass. I’m glad I did, or I would have forgotten all about it. I think it’s time to share it again and remind some of you who might have seen it. Here it is. It’s a wild one!
I was working in the Amazon forest with people who were born, first, as tiny little flies, but quickly turned into human beings. But their life cycle was extremely short, and they were aging at an incredibly accelerated speed. And I was there because many of them wanted to learn acting before they died. So I was trying to teach them. Some at their bed side as they turned into very old people. But they still wanted to learn, working until they took their last breath.
One gray old man was about to die and I could see his spirit start to leave his body. I felt so bad that he hadn’t achieved what he hoped. But just as I thought he was gone for good, his spirit returned to him and he opened his eyes and ask me to tell him more.
I don’t know why these people wanted to act. They wouldn’t live long enough to have careers. But it was what they wanted, even on their deathbed, so I was there with them until they couldn’t hang on any longer.
It’s not so hard to interpret this dream. It’s kind of the way I feel now, knowing there are so many of you out there, ignoring what your heart has been telling you for years. If you are 20 years old, 70 seems a long ways away. But I am looking back from 69, and it seems like yesterday I was 20. We do all have a limited time on this earth. If we were more aware of it, we wouldn’t waste the precious time we have. And I think we are all born with our dreams and inclinations planted within us that need to be fulfilled. It may not make sense, but that desire is there and it will never go away. You already know—it hasn’t gone away yet.
If acting is your deepest desire, I do want to help you achieve it in your lifetime. I don’t want you to run out of time. You are blessed with a long life so you CAN achieve so much. But it is only a blink of an eye in reality. You can’t take it for granted. It will be over before you know it. At 69 years old, my desire is to help everyone to be able to fulfill their dreams. That is my passion. I know I don’t have forever to do it. So take advantage of this opportunity while you can—me wanting to help you. In fact, treasure every moment of your life and use your time to do what brings you joy and fulfillment.
What do you really mean when you say “I don’t have time? Plain and simple it’s that you haven’t made acting one of your priorities. If something is important to you, you will find a way to fit it into your schedule. You know, even as busy as you are, you waste time on things that don’t help you to move forward. Think about it! And try some of these alternatives:
1. Wake up Earlier! Set your alarm 15-30 minutes earlier. Read one of my WRITTEN LESSONS. Read them in order. Or watch one of my VIDEO LESSONS and work your way up from the bottom to the top. Leave comments on both so you can go back and remember what you learned. I will respond to you and keep track of what you are learning and give you pointers.
2. Go to bed later. If you’re not a morning person, maybe devoting some time to learning about acting would be better right before bed. It’s the commitment that counts. Do what I described above. I will be there to help.
3. Commit to One of my Weekly classes Check out YESTERDAY’S POST. It describes a step be step plan to become a professional actor. When you become a committed member of my student body you will be in the loop for whatever you should do next. But making yourself answerable to going to class and rehearsing with scene partners is a way to make sure you don’t let time slip away. It will change your life and help you to become “Acting Focused”. When you “don’t have time”, you sometimes need to commit to something in a definite way—like getting a trainer at the gym. I did that so I had to show up at appointment times. It made me find time. It got me in shape. My acting classes are like going to the “Acting Gym”. They will get you in shape for what you need to become a professional actor. A new session of “Intro to Acting” starts tomorrow.
4. Visit actingclass at least once a day! I want to encourage everyone to visit actingclass, every day. It’s almost impossible to take in all the information that is available here, but do a little at a time and get started. Just reading the student’s comments below the hundreds of posts and lessons is awe inspiring.
5. Get One on One Help And if you want to start putting all those concepts and techniques into practice and you really have no time to join any of my scheduled classes, try taking a couple private lessons. Together we can take you to a whole new level of understanding. HERE is the post that describes all the possibilities and costs of working with me on Zoom.
I know you are busy. But are you too busy to do what your heart desires? Make time. Make a commitment. I’m here to help you every step of the way

This complete guide on The Fool tarot card is brought to you by psychics4u.net. For more valuable information, insights and resources, visit: http://psychics4u.net/
What does the fool mean in the tarot cards? The fool is the most wild tarot card in the deck that you can ever get in a psychic reading. The meaning of the fool tarot card is all about new beginnings, a journey which is usually spiritual and fast change. It indicates that things are really going to go forward for you whether it’s love, relationship, money, work, career and health. But all of these good predictions will come true, only if you will believe in yourself and take calculated risks.
If you are interested in learning everything about the meaning of the fool’s journey tarot card, you came to the right place. Keep on reading till the end of this guide as you will find here lots of useful information regarding to:

1. The fool’s journey tarot card description and symbolism.
2. Personality traits.
3. The meaning in love, relationship, money, work, career and health.
4. Is the fool a good tarot card or is it bad?
5. Does the fool tarot card mean yes or no?
6. How to read the fool’s journey tarot card in upright and reversed position.
7. The fool tarot card meaning in past, present and future.
8. The meaning of the number 0 (zero) and 22.
9. Interpretation of astrological zodiac sign.
10. Meaning as feelings.
11. The fool tarot card art and history.

The fool tarot card meaning: Description and symbolism
When we take a first look at the art of fool’s journey tarot card, we immediately notice the bright yellow sun light, the worm rays, the orange – yellow sky and the lite brown ground. The fool has loose and comfortable clothes with flowers patterns on them, mostly yellow which also matches the shoes` shade. Yellow symbolize enlightenment, happy feelings and positive energies.
The fool is ready to take the leap of faith – start a journey to the unknown territory. He doesn’t care if he will encounter obstacles down the road or dangerous situations in the way. He is ready to go no matter what will happen. In fact the fool doesn’t even think about the meaning these problems.
The fool doesn’t care too much about the material world. He collected just the necessary items and packed all his little possessions in a small bag, holding it with his right hand. On the left hand he is holding a beautiful white rose. It means the willingness to scarify and devotion to the spiritual path of life.
Look at his face directed forward and up to the sky, they are full of inspiration, vision and confidence in the current moment. He is free of fear but also innocence because he isn’t aware of the fact that bad things might happen during the unknown journey.
He is standing on the hill, one step before the deadly abyss, caught in the moment. He trusts the universe that everything will turn on the right and positive side. The white dog is barking and jumping, trying to warn him about the chasm. The snowy white mountains and hills from behind also represent a potential slippery outcomes.
The fool is in movement, he is not just standing there, he took the first step and willing to take many more steps in order to complete the journey. In the end he is seeking meaningful spirituality, to be developed to a higher self. However, right now he doesn’t know exactly how to achieve it. There is no plan, no logical calculations, not even knowledge nor experience. Just the element of fire – the burning desire to go forward.
When we look at the fool’s face we can’t really recognize if it’s a man or a woman. That interpretation means it has both the male and female energies, working together in symbiosis.
The fool tarot card meaning as Personality (Persona)
The fool is a free spirit that has no worries, doesn’t always aware of dangerous and the consequences of his action, too impulsive, acting before thinking. This is why the fool needs help when making big decisions.
He is just like a little kid who is very curious and loves to explore everything about the world. He knows he will make mistakes and it will hurt a lot. Yet it doesn’t stop him from taking an action. He likes the experiences of life whether they are good or even bad. He can learn from each situation and grow wiser and stronger. His main goal is to go after the possibility, even if it doesn’t look very clear or doable at the current phase.
The art of celebrating the joy of life. Admiring the beautifulness of the little things, very positive, optimistic and looking at the bright side.
Flexible, can adapt to most situation. He doesn’t have a solid philosophy or principle he must apply, other than been carefree. He still doesn’t have a strong personality and foundations. He is waiting to be shaped by the future experiences.
He is new to this world; he doesn’t always play by the social norms or cultural rules. Mainly because the fool doesn’t knows the meaning of most of them yet. But after the experience is gained the personality will be shaped on the positive way.
What does the fool card mean in love and relationship reading?
The fool card in love and relationships is meaning a huge surprise. You might encounter your lover in a sequence of events that you never would predict, out of the blue. For example, a new stranger that comes into town, new neighbour or new work colleague.
It can also indicate that there is a person that is close to you, but you haven’t really thought you two are compatible in terms of romance, or can go along together because you two have different personality traits. You will suddenly realise that it can happen.
When it comes to a new relationship there is a lot of excitement in the air, meaning fresh positive energy and optimism. While it might give you good feelings and joy, you also need to be caution a bit. You don’t see the whole picture and what you can’t see might hurt you.
There will be warning signs and it is advised to take in consideration every weird signal into consideration. Your friends and family might have an opinion about your new love relationship, please note that they are not jealous or want things to go wrong for you. They just care that everything will work on the good path.
Don’t be too much swept of your feet, in the end you will have to face reality. What you think about a certain man or woman and what is going on in real life are two different things. Once you encounter the polarity between the two, you might be very disappointed.
If what you are looking for is a long term relationship like marriage, than this is not a good tarot card. The fool’s journey tarot card is indicating the beginning but not the middle and the end. Things will change or develop. If you want this to success there is still a lot of work to be done. The person you are seeing right now is not looking for a commitment. Maybe in the future it will change.
If you are a woman the fool tarot card also stand for fertility. It might predict a pregnancy – start of a new life.
The fool tarot card meaning in work, career and money
New possibilities are coming in your way. This is the time to take action and do what you always wanted. Maybe you always wanted to change your career, maybe you want to work somewhere else or maybe to have your own business.
The main interpretation or meaning is that you need to go with what you believe in, even if there will be hard times during that period. Some people will not like what you are doing, they will try to stop you and change your mind. Situations like this need to be balance. On the one hand it’s good to listen to them, because they have other point of view and might teach you new perspective. On the other way don’t let it to discourage you from achieving the goal.
Understand that making a change related to work and money has its own risks. You can find yourself unemployed for a while or even loosing money. But when we are looking at the long term of the journey, in most cases there will be a success.
The fool tarot card meaning health
Regarding health, the fool tarot card meaning is good physical conditions.
If you were sick before, the interpretation is that the illness might begin to disappear and you suppose to feel much better.
Another possible meaning and interpretation is regarding to health is physical accident. As you may very well know by now, the fool is taking risks without thinking about them too much. The fool is on the verge of the cliff and if something will go wrong he will slip down.
Is the fool a good tarot card or is it bad?
Basically the fool’s journey is a good tarot card, as the main meaning is a new beginning. Usually when we have something new in our life, it is exciting, gives us good feeling and very interesting and intriguing. At this moment we pay attention only to the good and positive aspects of the event. We normally drawn to the situation, don’t think too much about it and we don’t want to ruin it, just flow with the current.
However, nothing is perfect and you also need to be aware of dangerous situations that are a head of you. There will be warning signs of bad energies. Therefore the best practice is no keep an eye on what is going on.
Does the fool tarot card mean yes or no?
The fool’s journey tarot card is usually neutral. The card is symbolizing something fresh and new possibilities. It can turn bad or good depending or the steps you take during your journey. More often than not it is interpreted as a yes card.
The fool’s journey tarot card upright meaning
Upright keywords: new beginnings, freedom, originality, foolishness, spontaneity, travel, adventure, leap of faith, careless, innocence.
The upright meaning of the fool tarot card is about taking risks in order to improve your situation and gain more of what you really want in life. Every one of us has certain desires and personal goals that we want to pursue. So if this card show up in a psychic reading than it is a good time to start a new adventure.
You have to be brave and face your inner demons and fears. Although the card is generally positive, the road to happiness is not easy and you will encounter some problems. From that reason it is very crucial that you will have faith and believe in yourself. Believe that you can do it, even if right now it is not very clear how, you will find the solution. Even if everyone around advice or telling you that you will fail, don’t listen to them too much and go only with your inner true.
Don’t look back on past experiences. Even if you had bad moments, don’t let them hold you from changing your situation. Remember the lessons you have learned and just keep on go forward all the way.
The fool’s journey tarot card reversed meaning
Reversed keywords: lack of direction, chaos, naive, reckless, lack of direction, poor judgement
When the tarot card is being spread upside down (reversed), it means that you jumped too far without thinking about the implications of your action, this might put you in trouble. As shown graphically in the fool tarot card, he is standing right before the cliff. Every big step or reckless movement can bring him to death.
Even if the fool tarot card is showing in reversed it still means a new beginning, but something is holding you back. For example it can be fear of the unknown future, failure and inability to make decisions.
The reversed meaning in love and relationship: if you are single than you are not ready for a long term relationships, you will not find term partner. If you are already seen someone that he or she doesn’t ready to make a commitment. They just want to have fun and fool around.
With money and career, when the tarot card is reversed, beware that no one is taking an advantage or you. For example someone can offer you a bad business idea or shady investment opportunity. And in the end you will lose lots of money.
The fool tarot card meaning in past, present and future
When we relate to the past, the meaning of the fool tarot card is that you have wasted lots of time and energies on people or work or relationships that you are no longer interested in. you had enough with all of this and you are looking for something different.
The present: right now you need a change, you don’t know if it will turn out to be good or bad. You are standing on a crossroad, you need to make a choice and just go for it. Things are looking too complicated right now, this is fine and you will have to address those issues but not right now. The most important thing is that you’ll move on to the desired direction.
The future: the fool tarot card is mainly concern about the present moment. But it can give us a little projection on the future as well. In the future you will have to invent yourself, adapt and be very flexible. When you will see a new opportunity, don’t hesitate and don’t go back to your old habits, which are holding you back.
The fool tarot card number meaning
The fool tarot card is a part of the whole 22 major arcana cards. It referred to key number 0 (zero), meaning the first in the deck. But it can also be placed at the end – key number 22. Because of that fact, the fool symbolizing the beginning and the end of a life cycle. Further more, the cycle is endless so in theory it goes in never-ending loop forever and ever, repeat itself to the eternity.
During our life, we will go through the 21 keys or elements of the fool’s journey. We will meet people who will teach us lessons about life. We will change our behaviour and feelings in order to continue with the journey. So in the end we will go back to the very first place that it was all begun, but now we are different in the way that we are wiser and stronger. It is more like spiritual voyage of self discovery.
The word fool in French language means a sack that is full of air, not with material objects. This is the reason why everything is possible even if it doesn’t seem so. It is also a symbol of triumph.
The number zero in numerology represents no limitation and lots of positive options to choose from. It is nothing and yet it is also everything together. The order of the numbers doesn’t apply to zero, as it all start afterwards. So there is no past for the fool, only future.
22 innumerology is great transformation energy. It is the ability to turn dreams and wishes to come true to the world of reality.
The fool tarot card astrological zodiac sign
The fool tarot card astrological zodiac signs are Aquarius and Pisces.
Aquarius is the 11th zodiac in astrology, mainly represents the element of water. Liquid flow that travel on earth. Strong current of water that can creates its own path by shaping rivers, lakes and the bottom of the ocean. Always on the move, looking for new adventure and can get bored really quick.
Pisces is a dreamer very much like the fool’s personality from the tarot card. They want to go somewhere, but they can’t decide what the right direction for them is. They have this conflict as depict in the zodiac sign – two fish, each one of them is swimming to another side. Pisces are also very emotional and control by their feelings.
In astrology the role of Uranus planet is to be like a clock, to awake us and get us doing things. This is very similar to the fool’s situation as described in the tarot card. There is some burning flame of fire inside of him that wouldn’t let him rest until he will find his answers. It is a call to take immediate action.
The fool tarot card meaning as feelings
As feelings, the fool’s journey tarot card gives us positive feelings. In most cases the answers to you questions are yes, there are good energies and positive vibes surrounding you. Even if the tarot card show in reversed it is still have bigger aspect of positivity with a minor challenge that stands in your way. In fact, it the ancient days of psychic reading the card was actually a joker – the most powerful item in the deck.
The fool tarot card art and history
Long time ago when tarot cards were used as a game and not for psychic reading, the fool’s card was the most powerful card in the deck. He was outside of the order and if you had it, you could protect and win the game.
Few hundreds year later the art of this tarot card was described more as someone who has unwanted personality in society, and therefore he lost all his magic and power. People didn’t want to associate themselves with this image. It was considered a negative energy and bad omen from the future. It symbolized unsuccessful life, misfortune and tormeneted feelings.
Later on, the fool’s image became a man of courage. Until that very day, the fool’s is still the hero card on the tarot deck. Although he is numbered 0 (zero) which mean nothing, he denotes new journey and possibilities, which is everything we need.
In many myths, legends and folklore story through history, the fool is actually the wisest person of all. He might look a little different or simple or even out of the common norms, but he knows better. Although at the beginning he didn’t had too much wisdom, his actions and failures through life, brought him new experiences and valuable lessons to learn from. All of this could happen just because of one thing: he wasn’t afraid to take the risk.
In fact, those who are dismissing him or don’t understand him, are the real fools because they don’t know how much wisdom he has to offer to the world.
Other names for the fool tarot card: joker, jester, clown, buffoon, folie, fov, il matto, le fou, and le mat.
Feel free to write your thoughts or questions in the comments below. I'd love to hear from you!

Sorry in advance for the long post lol!
I know this subreddit gets oversaturated with these posts but I was really hoping to get some honest feedback on what I should do for this cycle :( I just got my MCAT retake score back and unfortunately it’s not as good as I was hoping it would be, but I still plan on applying this cycle to both DO and MD schools.
For context: I'm an ORM; I majored in biomedical sciences & minored in psychology, graduated in 2022 with a 3.35 cGPA and a 3.2 sGPA with a slight upward trend. Latest MCAT score is a 507 (125/128/126/128) which is not as high as I was hoping to get but 🤷🏾‍♀️
I feel like I have a pretty strong theme of communication/language, interpersonal relationships, & community involvement in my app. I'm also very confident in my writing skills, so I'm not too worried about writing a good personal statement. If it helps, one of my LOR writers is a prof whose class I ended up having to retake since I got a much lower grade the first time.
I guess my 3 main questions are: 1) Should I retake the MCAT for a 3rd time? 2) Is it worth trying to do a postbacc or SMP to improve my gpa before applying? 3) What MD schools would be good fits for my gpa/mcat range? For context, here are my stats:
Research experience

• 3500+ hours working full-time in a neuroscience research lab at one of my state's medical schools; 1 pub as a middle author & at least 1 more pub coming probably in the middle of application season. During the cycle I hope to submit an abstract / present a poster to an upcoming conference!

Clinical experience

• 900 hours working as a medical assistant in a psychiatric clinic; I helped administer TMS therapy to patients! I quit this job to work as a research tech, but I really loved this job so once apps are submitted I'm planning to start working here again part-time while also doing my research job part-time.
  
• 400 hours volunteering in our hospital's post-anesthesia care unit
  
• 300 hours volunteering at a free clinic that works with underserved populations
  
• 200 hours volunteering in hospice with dementia/Alzheimer's patients
  

Other experiences

• Volunteering at my temple (~200ish hours)
  
• E-board member for one of my undergrad's mental health awareness clubs (~100ish hours)
  
• Social media chair for my undergrad's pre-health fraternity (~50ish hours)
  
• Website manageevents coordinator for my undergrad's TEDx chapter (~50ish hours)
  
• Co-captain of one of my undergrad's dance teams (~500ish hours).
  
• I also took classical dance lessons growing up for about 6 years and since "graduating" out of the school, I've helped teach classes for the younger kids. (no idea how to calculate the hours for this)
  

Shadowing

• 32 hours neurosurgery (MD)
  
• 32 hours anesthesiology (MD)
  
• 20 hours dermatology (MD)
  

-16 hours hematology/oncology (DO)
-16 hours primary care (DO)
School List [so far]
I used admit.org to start building a school list and out of what they gave me, I’m for sure applying to these schools (and my in-state MD schools):
-Chicago College of Osteopathic Medicine
-NYIT-COM
-LECOM
-Touro COM
-PCOM

Race Information

• Name: Eugene Marathon
• Date: April 28, 2024
• Distance: 26.2 miles
• Location: Eugene, OR
• Website: https://www.eugenemarathon.com
• Strava: https://www.strava.com/activities/11285376078
• Time: 2:46:46

Goals

Goal	Description	Completed?
A	2:41-2:44	No
B	PR	Yes

Splits

Mile	Splits
1	6:08
2	6:23
3	6:24
4	6:15
5	6:15
6	5:55
7	6:19
8	6:04
9	6:23
10	6:39
11	6:23
12	6:13
13	6:12
14	6:12
15	6:14
16	6:19
17	6:19
18	6:04
19	6:37
20	6:44
21	6:10
22	6:31
23	6:40
24	6:34
25	6:45
26	6:34
0.2	1:27

Training

After racing the Tokyo Marathon in early March, I had 8 weeks before racing Eugene Marathon, which was my second spring marathon. During those 8 weeks, I ran the NYC Half, the Cherry Blossom 5K and Cherry Blossom 10 Miler, and was either recovering from those races or doing my usual runs and workouts to keep my fitness sharp. The workouts and my race results during this time (finished in 1:19 high at the NYC Half on tired legs two weeks after Tokyo, and finished the Cherry Blossom 5K in mid-17s plus turned it around in less than 24 hours after to finish in the low 59 minutes range at the Cherry Blossom 10 Mile Run) suggested that I was in shape to go for a sub-2:45 marathon.
Ultimately, I settled on aiming to finish Eugene somewhere between 2:41 and 2:44. Because this was my final marathon of the spring training cycle, this was my last opportunity to run a fast marathon. Based on my recent race results plus observations from my coach, I was in PR shape; Eugene has ideal weather, and the course was ideal to make such an attempt. Or so I hoped.

Pre-race

I flew over to Portland on Thursday night and spent a couple of nights at my friends’ place and got to hang out with them, plus walk around Portland and check out the sights with them as well. On Saturday, my friends and I drove over to Eugene and we went straight to packet pickup at a hotel around downtown Eugene. The packet pickup was quite smooth, and I was able to pick up my packet and spent some time browsing the vendors at the expo afterwards. The rest of the day was chill; my friends and I did a bit of exploring around downtown Eugene, and we had dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory that evening. Before heading to bed that night, I laid out my race kit and prepped my gear bag so that I could get dressed and head out to the shuttle pickup area as soon as I woke up that morning.
I woke up on 5 AM on race day, had a quick breakfast, got dressed and headed out of my hotel towards the designated shuttle pick up point. Got on the shuttle bus and we arrived at Hayward Field around 6:20 AM. I quickly took care of business in the bathroom, then went over and dropped my gear bag at the bag check area. I ran into a friend at the gear check area and we went inside Hayward Field so that we could take a look at the famous venue. We then made our way to the start area, and we did a quick warm up jog nearby before entering the start corrals themselves and lining up close to the start area. I took half of a Maurten 160 gel before starting, and I had plans to consume the remainder after the first six miles.
After the usual pre-race remarks and the singing of the National Anthem, the race started at 7 AM and we were on our way!

Race

Start to 5 miles

The course was a bit crowded at the beginning, primarily because the marathoners and half marathoners started at the same time. There was quite a bit of rolling hills during the first 5 miles and so I focused on getting into a groove and going by effort and doing what I could to try to not go out too fast. My bladder was feeling a bit full at the start and I ended up taking a quick pee break after mile 2 and lost 20 seconds in the process.
Otherwise, this stretch was uneventful. We went through some really nice neighborhoods within Eugene during the first two miles, and saw some scenic stretches along the way while heading south towards the first turnaround point. I crossed the 5 mile mark in 31:17

5 miles to 10 miles

As we headed back north towards the center of Eugene, we overlapped a bit with the marathoners and half marathoners coming through in the opposite towards the mile 3 marker. I held my efforts relatively steady on this stretch, and I still felt quite good so far. I took my first gel sometime mile 7, and I was fueling every 30-40 minutes or so throughout the race. After going through the mile 9 marker and running past Hayward Field and the start area (which had been taken down at this point), my stomach started to feel a bit weird and I realized I need to find a porta potty at the next aid station to take care of this, and soon. Fortunately, I did not have to wait too long; there was a porta potty half a mile ahead, and I went straight to it and took care of business there, losing about 20 seconds in the process.
Besides the untimely bathroom stop around mile 9.5, nothing else happened to me on this stretch. I went through the mile 10 checkpoint in 31:23 (1:02:40 elapsed)

10 miles to 15 miles

After passing the mile 10 marker, we went onto the bike path along the Willamette River, before easing back onto Franklin Boulevard. I saw signs telling half marathoners and marathoners that the half/full marathon split at mile 10.75 was coming up; seeing that, I mentally prepared myself to run a good portion of the races with not many runners around me. At mile 10.75, the half and full marathoners split off, and I headed east, crossing the river into Springfield and looped through there for a mile before heading west to continue the rest of my race. Most of this stretch was quite flat, and I got comfortable easing into my goal pace and ticked off the miles. I took another gel sometime after mile 12 and was hitting up almost every water stop along this stretch. After mile 14, we went onto the wooded bike paths, where we would spend most of the second half. The crowd support started to diminish, and this was going to set the tone for the rest of the race.
I went through the 15 mile checkpoint in 31:16 (1:33:56). The organizers did not set up an official halfway checkpoint but based on watch data and the paces from the 5 mile splits, it was likely that I came through the halfway point a few seconds under 1:22.

15 miles to 20 miles

Besides briefly crossing paths with the half marathoners after the mile 15 mark, things started to gradually get tough for me. I was mostly running by myself on the wooden bike paths, with few runners ahead of me or behind me. And the crowd support was sparse too, which did not help; I only saw small crowds every few miles or so. Pace wise, I was holding on, but I was starting to increasingly feel the fatigue and I began to negotiate with myself. Which isn’t what I needed at this point. I wasn’t feeling too great somewhere between the mile 19 and mile 20 markers, and I ended up taking a quick 10-15 second breather at the aid station to catch my breath, take a caffeinated gel and grab some hydration, and put myself back together before continuing.
I went through the mile 20 split with a 32:05 split (2:06:01 elapsed). With a 10K to go, it was going to get harder for me the rest of the way.

20 miles to Finish

What I do remember about the last 6.2 miles, unfortunately, was how hard this was for me. Admittedly, this felt much harder than the last 6.2 miles at the Tokyo Marathon. It was giving me a lot of deja vu, which was not what I needed. My legs felt very heavy and there were times where it felt like I had leg weights tethered to my legs. My legs did not have any life left in them either. I wasn’t feeling too great either, even after taking a quick stop a moment ago. Realizing my predicament, I decided to break the remaining distance up and focused on getting to the next mile marker(s) as a way to keep me motivated the rest of the way. One mile at a time. Then two miles at a time. As I was gradually fading the rest of the way, I remember at least 8-10 runners passing by me during this stretch and clearly they were having a better day than I was having. It didn’t feel great seeing that happen to me but there was nothing I could do about it. Crowd support continued to be sparse up until less than a mile out from the finish at Hayward Field. I took my final gel around mile 23 so that I had enough left in the tank to take me the rest of the way.
It felt like forever, but I finally got to the mile 25 marker, and I remember telling myself “only 1.2 miles left to go”. Soon after I crossed the mile 25 marker, the marathon course merged with the half marathon course and half marathoners were running on the left hand side of the road making their way to the finish, while marathoners were running on the right hand side of the road. I navigated through an underpass, and after coming out of the underpass I saw solid crowd support for the first time since the first half of the race. Lots of spectators were lined up along the road leading to Hayward Field. Completely exhausted at this point and my legs feeling like lead at this point, I interacted with the crowds as best as I could while holding onto the pace the best that I could.
I crossed the mile 26 mark and saw Hayward Field in the distance. I made a right hand turn to enter the track at Hayward Field and took it all in: I am running on Hayward Field itself. What an incredible feeling to experience. With 150 meters to go on the Hayward Field Track, and with the finish line now visible, I picked up the pace and waved to the crowds at the stands as I covered the last 100 meters to the finish.
I crossed the finish line in 2:46:46, finishing 7 seconds faster than the time I ran at Tokyo two months prior. I knew it was going to be close, but talk about cutting it quite close! The 7 second marathon PR that I set at Eugene is now my smallest marathon PR, beating the 9 second marathon PR that I set at the 2021 Chicago Marathon. My result was good enough to place within the top 100 overall, which is quite nice I must say!

Post-race

After crossing the finish, I took a moment to catch my breath, and then took in the moment. I was standing in Hayward Field, where numerous high profile track meets were hosted. And I got to run on the small part of the track on my way to the finish. How cool is that?!
Walking through the chute, I collected my finishers medal and ran into running friends who were either spectating in the standards or crossed the finish line behind me and had quick chats with them. While getting post-race pictures at Hayward Field, I noticed a stain on my singlet and I realized that I experienced significant nipple chafing to the point that my nipple bled. So much for having nice finishing line and post-race photos! And it was the first time that it happened to me. I picked up my post-race food in the Hayward Field stadium tunnel, and gradually made my way out of the stadium towards the gear check area; I eventually reunited with my friends who came with me to Eugene to support me there. Eventually we ran into some of the same running friends at the gear check area and we sat around chatting about how our races went.
My friends and I drove back to Portland later that afternoon, and after I got myself cleaned up, we went over to a nearby bar to celebrate.

Final Thoughts and Updated Marathon Progress

While it was a bit disappointing that I faltered down the stretch and did not hit my goals, I am glad that I held on and squeeze out a small PR of 7 seconds at Eugene; it could have gone a whole lot worse. Hindsight is 20/20 of course, but when I was comparing my pace data and elevation data, it appears I went a big aggressive with the paces and took a bit of a risk there. Much of the rolling hills were in the first 5 miles of the race, and chances are I might have overcooked myself on that stretch; if I had done this differently, I would have told myself to relax on the paces on the rolling hills and not overcook myself in the process.
Above all, I am very grateful to make it through this long (and sometimes weird!) training cycle mostly intact, did not experience significant injuries along the way (!), did not burn out along the way (very important!), and picked up numerous PRs along the way: 10K (en route, twice!), 10 mile, half marathon, and full marathon (twice!). And I think it is fair to say that many people would kill for the kind of success that I’ve had during this training cycle.
That said, I learned a few important lessons throughout this training cycle. First, it appears I got into peak shape during the training block leading up to the Tokyo Marathon, and I did not make any subsequent fitness gains afterwards. It probably did not help that I was recovering from Tokyo or recovering from the shorter distance races that I raced during that 8 week period between Tokyo and Eugene. I’m not getting any younger with every passing year, and I probably need to be more diligent with recovery from races moving forward. That said, I have no regrets about doing those races because I still got solid results out of them. And finally, I realized that I prefer shorter training cycles – specifically ones that are between 12 and 16 weeks in duration – and I peak out at anywhere between 10 and 13 weeks into a training cycle, and I’d like to take advantage of my peak fitness soon after and not any longer beyond that. I’m grateful that I was able to handle a 20-week training cycle so that I could stay in shape for both Tokyo and Eugene, but admittedly this was a bit too long for my tastes. Lessons from this longer-than-usual training cycle will have a significant impact how I plan out my training cycles and races moving forward.
The road ahead for me will only get harder, and I vowed at the beginning of the training cycle to trust the process and not let sub-par workouts or sub-par race results drag me down and cause me to lose sight of the bigger picture. And I am still committed to doing that for myself.
For now though, I’m taking some time off training, running for fun, and looking forward to having a social life and enjoying life in general for a bit before transitioning over to summer outdoor track season. And I look forward to what is next for me!
With that said, here’s the updated version of my marathon PR progress within the past few years.

• 2017 - 5:07:32 (Marine Corps; debut)
• 2018 - 4:03:43 (Chicago)
• 2019 - 3:53:20 (Los Angeles) / 3:31:00 (Berlin)
• 2020 - 3:09:54 (Rhode Island)
• 2021 - 3:09:45 (Chicago)
• 2022 - 3:03:20 (Hartford)
• 2023 - 2:58:06 (London) / 2:50:28 (Berlin) / 2:49:16 (Chicago)
• 2024 - 2:46:53 (Tokyo) / 2:46:46 (Eugene)

This is a follow-up post to my previous post about my school informing me that a parent wrongfully accused me of sexual misconduct of a minor.
As advised by everyone on Reddit, and friends, I hired an attorney for 200 USD and sought legal consultation. The attorney informed me I do not have to talk to the police until I have an attorney to represent me in person and advised against doing otherwise.
Fast forward, the attorney contacted the school, the school says no police were coming to talk to me, but instead, the school talked to the police already on my behalf and I will not be talking to police, so I shouldn't worry. This is the opposite of what the director told me the previous day.
Anyway, the attorney recommended that I continue to go to work in the meantime since no police are going to talk to me, and this will avoid further complications for me. The attorney will follow up with me tomorrow about my situation.
This is my current situation...
Now, my school is asking me to no longer come to work at 9 am and greet the parents, but instead, come to work 30 minutes earlier, hide from the parents, not teach kindergarten anymore, and sit behind a computer on a different floor, alone, doing random administrative tasks.
This seems strange and almost illegal because the school is telling me to stay on the 2nd floor of the building and never to come downstairs to greet the kids, and it would be easy for me to simply walk downstairs and reveal myself. This does not make sense, and I don't understand how the school believes this is a long-term solution.
So, according to their instructions, I should work on an abandoned 2nd floor directly above the kindergarten students from 8:30 am to 4 pm, alone, while listening to the kids play and laugh directly below me downstairs, but never reveal myself to the students while they are attending school.
This seems extremely wrong, and could potentially make me look suspicious, which could lead to some legal trouble if the school decided to frame for something. It is on CCTV after all.
I will talk to the attorney tomorrow, but right now, they are not available because it is late. Until then, I would just like anyone's input on the matter.
I tried everything in my power to work things out with this school and I still have 10 months left. I can not do this for 10 more months. Originally, I was promised a release letter 2 weeks ago but my director doesn't want to give me a release letter because I contacted an attorney and it was wrong of me to tell anyone about my situation, according to her.
Also, I recorded my conversation with the director, and she lied multiple times about my contract. The audio of our conversation is very clear and easy to understand. The recording is 1 hour long and I'm not sure if this audio recording will be enough to get me out of the school.
Tomorrow is a holiday, but I don't plan to come to work anymore. I would like to know what could happen in terms of my living arrangements. I don't think they can kick me out of the apartment right away. Maybe they can.
I don't know what to do at this point. It seems like leaving the country is my only safe option.
This is my third school and I already did a visa run to even arrive at my current school, and it feels as though so much money and time was wasted to come back to Korea.
Thank you for any help.

For context, I started a fishpond business last year with my cousin and tita (with her bf capitalizing her share, bale sya sa operations na nagiimplement ng plans). This is my first business na may partner ako. Dati ako lagi magisa so ako nasusunod sa lahat.
I’m in charge of the research and financials. Aminado ako na may pagkukulang ako sa implementation. Hindi ko naman din talaga role yun kasi busy ako sa work na alam naman nila yun pero never ako nagkulang sa role ko sa business. However yung tita ko, (8 yrs older than me) masipag talaga sya and malaki yung role nya sa implementation. Sya nagooversee ng operations. Pag may emergency nandun talaga sya. Sya yung active na nandun from the start hanggang sa harvest. Ang problem kasi sa kanya is act before you think muna. I plan a lot of things, na base sa research dapat ganito muna unahin para maprevent yung ganito. Dapat magrecord para mamonitor yung consumption, water quality etc. Yung sa kanya kasi, as in react na lang kung anong mangyari. Marami sana kaming naprevent kung nakinig lang sya sa amin. Dahil nga mas matanda sya, hindi sya masyadong nakikinig sa akin which is naiinis talaga ako syempre capital namin yun. My other partners listen to her kasi sya lang naman yung free, lahat kami may work kaya busy. Ako kasi yung pinakabata and medyo scientific yung approach ko, kaya siguro walang nakikinig sa akin. Pag may sasabihin kami, di naiimplement. Basta yung gusto nya lang masusunod dun lang sya nakafocus, ididisregard nya lahat. Tapos kung ano lang gusto nya minsan tumututol ako pero alam mo yun, yung silent treatment na parang wala akong power kasi sya yung active sa business. I dont know baka may problem din ako sa communication skills ko.
Then for the first harvest, syempre lugi kami kahit pa iminus mo yung CAPEX, lugi talaga since lower than expected yung naharvest and we also had to harvest early since may namamatay na isda, mahirap din talaga yung water kasi taginit. Thats reasonable since I expect to profit after atleast the 3rd harvest and learn from the first two harvests. Sinabi ko rin yun sa kanila na dont expect too much.
And then eto, yung pinsan ko simula nung nalugi kami, di na sya kumikibo. Wala na yung enthusiasm na same as before, she’s supposed to be the one in charge sa purchasing. Pero wala inasa lahat sa tita ko. Minsan lang sya pumunta. Hindi nagampanan yung role. I love her pero naiinis talaga ako. Parang ang ineexpect nya uupo lang sya tapos kikita na. Tapos nadadala pa yung personal problem nya like for example uutang sa fund, minsan pa pinautang nya sa mama nya (yung isa kong tita) yung petty cash na binigay ko sa kanya.
Yung boyfriend naman ng tita ko na nasa abroad (ex na nya ngayon) ineexpect din na passive income ito. Gets naman na si tita yung aako ng responsibility nya. Pero lulubog lilitaw sya. Pag may problem na need ng major decision, nawawala sya sa gc.
Emotionally, I want to get out of this mess and start alone na lang pero logically, it’s best to stay and learn pa. Alam kong medyo offmychest eto pero I just want to let it out.
But one thing I learned here is to avoid partnering up with your family or any random person na walang expertise na macocontribute. It’s an expensive tution pero okay lang naman din. One more thing is to avoid trusting anyone. Paulit ulit kong nababasa at naaral eto pero narealize ko na may mga lesson talaga na sa experience mo lang matututunan.

I was on the MSC 2024 world cruise and it was terrible. A huge rip off! I seriously regret my decision, but i wàs seduced by the great itinerary. Israel, Egypt, Saudi Arabia at the one end and Greenland at the other end. None of which happened! Now i understand the war in the middle east impacted our travel plans but MSC said we would replace with Rhodes, Malta and Cyprus. Ok, well now that didn't happen. We had 6 stops in Spain, each the same as the one before. Then Port Verde which is a dump. We then raced down to the other side of Africa with 1 stop for gas in Namibia. Raced again to Durban. In 21days we spent 18 at sea. Disgraceful. People paid a lot for this cruise and got very little in return. Some of the “out of the way stops” were dumps where we were told not to wear jewelry, watch out for our phones, don't go anywhere alone.
The food was atrocious. I am diabetic and had to fight for 3 weeks before I could get sugar free Ice cream. The food in the buffet was the same day after day. The salad bar was not appetizing, with bland vegetables. Dishes supposed to be hot were cold, and vise versa. After Africa the ship ran out of certain foods. They watered down the yogurt. MSC was contacted by a number of upset people but they refused to do anything. The passengers of all nationalities got together and 900 + people signed a petition which was sent to MSC offices in numerous countries. PEOPLE wanted compensation for the atrocious 1st leg of the trip. They ignored us until after other cruise lines stepped up. MSC gave 500 euros for each adult and 10% on a future cruise if taken in the next 2 years. Disgraceful. 500 euros is less than 5% of what we paid, and I will never take an MSC cruise again. I don't care how much the offer me. It doesn't end here. We went to canada in april. The shopkeepers told us that a cruise ship never comes before may. Then we were to go through Belleisle straight and on to greenland. The captain canceled our trip to greenland. He tried to imply it was the ice and winds. What he didn't say was that NO CRUISE SHIPS GO TO GREENLAND BEFORE JULY. They have to wait for the icebergs to melt. THE BELLE ISLE STRAIGHT IS NEVER OPEN BEFORE JUNE. It is my belief that they never intended to go to Greenland as i don't believe a company as big as MSC didn't do the research. We also found out that the ship we were on, the Poesia, was not equipped with the lights and other equipment necessary to go through the iArtic at that time of the year. They never intended to go. One huge rip off. The word fraud comes to mind. The French passengers got together on the ship and submitted another petition on the Greenland situation. They gave us 300 euro and announced that they would give 50% off for a cruise to Greenland this summer or next. I will say again, i will never take an MSC cruise again. Entertainment was blah and if you didn't want dance lessons, bridge or exercise routine, there was nothing for you to do. One of excursion members blatantly lied to my face. Now the lower staff members, housekeeping, waiters, dining room staff were just awesome, the middle to upper management felt they were better than the passengers. People who were handicapped were treated so badly and for a number of the earlier stops, had to stay on board as it was too much trouble to facilitate them getting off the ship. One lady I know sat and waited on a bench in the heat for almost 4 hours waiting for a wheelchair to help her back on the ship. One of the passengers went and got a wheelchair himself to help her. I COULD GO ON BUT YOU GET THE POINT.