Hi, I’m mum of 15 yo boy Mikey. He is very interested in script writing and mystery/horror films. Recently started to shoot videos and film reviews to gain his skills for the future. After school he is planning to go to film and tv college and if lucky to filmmaking uni. He created a channel on youtube 4 months ago. Most of videos are film/cartoon reviews and a few of his own non budget projects. There are not many views yet, mainly from his school friends. Some of film reviews are doing not bad tho. He is about to finish his toys series videos (friends doesn’t want to be in his videos and/or parents rejects) so with toys and him only. He is really happy what he is doing and have lots of ideas. Planning at least 4 more projects with toys this year. Also he has idea for short horror film with teens but need more budget so hopefully next year. He likes to write scripts too. All videos he wrote himself with no help. Scripts for film reviews he writes in one go. As his mom i would like him to continue and stay happy. If you have spare time could you please watch and/ or subscribe if you like his channel for Mikey to be motivated. He doesn’t know that I wrote on Reddit, in case nobody will watch. We live in England so all videos are in English. Please don’t judge strictly as non budget, no experience and not much knowledge of many things like lighting, sound, composition, acting, places, sequences etc. Thank you all in advance 🌻 www.youtube.com/@MGProduction-uo9qn

I just needed a place to vent and get my innermost thoughts out. I’ve been with my husband for almost 10 years, dating most of it but married for almost 4 years now. We have a 3 year old. Yesterday was Mother’s Day and also our son’s birthday. We had a busy weekend with the holiday and our son’s birthday party. I don’t expect much for Mother’s Day, but anything would’ve been nice. A card, socks, a single hand picked flower. Obviously a 3 year old can’t go shopping for mom so I had a tiny bit of hope that my husband would go and get something, anything, to say it was from our son. I got a “happy Mother’s Day” while driving to his mom’s house to give her the flowers we got her. That’s it. I tried to maintain my emotions and did well….until I couldn’t. Crying ensues. My husband asks what’s wrong. I tell him the truth, I feel like an afterthought. He recently got a better paying job and can spend a good chunk of money by my standards on his truck but he can’t have the forethought to buy me or get me anything for Mother’s Day? And it’s not even like this is the first time. He does this constantly. Birthdays and holidays alike. I guess I keep hoping things will change and maybe he’ll become thoughtful again. Because he used to do those things. A few years into our relationship and he surprised me with flowers and a big bag of clothes. And another year he surprised me with a fancy kitchen aid mixer. And it’s not about the actual gifts. It would just be nice to be thought about. And he tells me he’s sorry and he’ll try to do better. But we’ve been through this before. And I worry. I’m not the same woman from those years ago. Aging and having a baby changes you. I’ve gained weight. I don’t feel myself anymore. Maybe he’s not attracted to me anymore even though he says he is. Maybe I’m just depressed and in a bad mental state. These thoughts just pick away at a person you know? I try to eat better but who has the time to work out when you’re juggling working full time and trying to care for a toddler and a household? He works a very physically demanding job and I get that, but I mean I have a lot of stuff on my plate too, I make an effort so why can’t he? My birthday is next month. I guess we’ll see if he remembers and go from there. Being an afterthought has me reaching my limit and something has to give soon.

So for context -my partner and I have been dating for half a decade. Our relationship is strong and we are enjoying our time together immensely - he's the love of my life, my favourite laughing partner and just a really special human being I'm honoured to know so deeply. My MIL came accross as a strong personality but seemed delightful and embraced me at first. Over the last few years it has become suspected she has a personality disorder with her "incidents" and behaviour. My partner and I are planning on getting engaged this year and have had this timeline for a very long time. While this should be a very exciting time in my life - I am instead feeling worried, stressed, and down. This MIL is constantly bringing up the concepts of engagement, weddings, and babies at get-togethers which sure is fine but the thing is it feels like she makes an effort to leave me out of it. My partners brother is also proposing this year to his partner which have been dating a few years less than us (super happy for them). My partner also has another sibling that isn't planning on proposing anytime soon and is younger. I have a really good relationship with everyone else in the family including the father (says i'm like a daughter), the siblings, and the partners (we have become friends). My MIL is not only making the maintenance of these relationships hard, but she is making me feel like abolute crap on a consistent basis at family events with how she blatenly treats me poorly compared to others. Here's some examples:

• At family events the MIL will bring up the topic of marriage, babies, moving in, etc. talk about it happening for both other siblings and then completely disregard me and my partner. For instance recently she went on about who shes inviting to the one siblings wedding and then talked about how the other sibling (one not proposing anytime soon)'s would be and then (I kid you not) looked at me, said my partner and I's names and laughed.
• Im telling you at every.single. event. for the past 3 years from the first few months of them dating she is bringing up the other siblings future engagement and how they deserve it so much etc. Cute at first but its very very excessive at this point (and thats me underexagerating). Im talking about begging, and not letting the topic go when no one in the room is reciprocating. Not a peep has been heard about me and my partner in this half a decade of being in the family. - Would I every want it to the extent of the other sibling? no. Do i find it odd and a bit rude? Yes. especially considering the fact that she has known my partner is proposing this year.
• one day she brought down her mothers gold jewlery and was passing it to the other siblings partners and asking what type of ring she wants. Then when that sibling's partner asked me (attempting to include me in the conversation) and I showed pictures of the the ones I tried on and the MIL immediatly went quiet then interrupted and changed the conversation back to the other siblings partner. She acted like I wasn't there and afterwards the other siblings partner said they noticed too.
• when leaving a get together she went out of her way to hug every partner but me.

-When the other sibling's partners arrive an excited voice and questions about work/life are had. Meanwhile, when I arrive it’s a short embrace with very little effort/interest in my life anymore unless it has to do with something that impacts my partner like whether we are going to my house this weekend.

• After not saying a word to me in a room she calls over other siblings partners and has private conversations in the other conjoining room about non-private things.
• (this is wild that im even saying this) I noticed she covers our picture on the mantel up by either putting other siblings and their partners photos in front or a nick nack like a bible verse plaque.

Efforts I have made over the past few years that I think qualify me as a good DIL /her response:

• I have tried doing activities she enjoys with her -making an effort to let her know I care about her and her interests. - a lot out of my comfort zone.
• One of my love languages is gifts/acts of service (I don't expect it in return but I would think she would atleast treat me kindly) - I hand-made the whole family including partners sweaters (while other partners go nothing), every year I make the family yearly recap videos, I also make every family member including her birthday videos where I spend hours collecting photos, and videos from the past with their favourite music - started as something just for my partner but my FIL was so appreciative of it I thought i would do it for everyone. I do something special for her for international womens day and mothers day every year.
• I thank her in cards and have told her many times for raising very kind respectable humans.
• I ask her questions/ listen to her vents about conflicts with friends or family - (which btw she can be very negative about people).
• Myself and my partner both do the most activities with her and go out of our way to visit/help her the most. (ie. going shopping together, visiting her at work)
• I have cleaned her whole kitchen/ made food for the family on my own dime and time.
• Even when we first started dating and I was a broke university student - I would go out of my way to spend money on her and her family because i wanted to and I love them.
• When she would have mental "incidents" ie. leaving the house for a few days, calling family members really horrible names etc. I was the one who would speak sense to my partner and his siblings about how this is a mental health issue and she doesn't really mean it. - I have defended her at her worst.

Most recently:

• invited her to two outings/events things we have done together before - denied
• Asking her about life/work - not holding conversation
• Used to hug me good morning/goodbye - not anymore.
• Blatantly ignoring my prescence in the room when other siblings partners are there/not including me in conversation
• didn't respond to my mothers text and makes very little effort with my family (despite my family having them to our cottage and visiting/checking in - my dad and the FIL are friends) - meanwhile when we are in big groups she is constantly talkig about the other siblings partners parents and going out of her way to invite them to fancy dinners - buy them the most expensive bottle of wine etc. (bc she "wants to make a good impression"). - lol i guess my family wasn't important these past 5 years.

I feel as though my family is treated as less important and I myself am treated as less worthy of engagement or marriage when I have tried my hardest to just be accepted and respected by their family. I have made many efforts to show my care and loyalty to their family but the events I used to look forward to have just turned into sour reminders of how vastly different I am treated.
Some of these things above I have cried, laughed, or both about. There are many more things she has done that have hurt me these past few years of our relationship which I haven't mentioned above by myself and my partner thought were unintentional at the time and not necesary to address. She has love bombed me before which has confused me and made me think i'm over reacting to feeling like she wasn't treating me well/ doesn't like me -but most recently its gotten to the point where I am crying when I get home from every family event because of how prominent her efforts to exclude and bellttle me are.
Me and my partner have great communication and have agreed on the implementation of boundaries such as increased distance if her behaviour progresses etc. and he has offered to say something but I am scared. No matter what, I will have to attend family get to-gethers and I am marrying into this family that I really do love. I get along with the siblings partners so well it's such a shame that her presence leads to her making me feel poorly around them because of how she acts/things she says. I have also suggested she gets more mental support but right now shes attending therapy alone where I don't think she is fully honesst about her incidents/treatment of others. My partner knows she is unwell and we are both upset and tired of this being a thing. I definitely don't want to be overly embraced and put on a pedestal but I think what shes doing currently takes more effort than just acknowledging me and treating me with an ounce of the kindness she gives the others. I am scared to get engaged after her reaction to hearing we have been ring shopping and I am also more scared about the concept of a wedding or having kids as I find she has a tendency to be controlling and I don't want my future kids to see their mom being treated like this or possibly be treated the same. That of course made my partner upset and now don't know where to go from here (hence me referring to reddit) but I know a life with this is not a happy one for me or my partner and I don't deserve it but I love the family and I do love her for who she may be when shes mentally more well and her perseverence in life.

So the answer to this might be obvious, but I'm struggling because it's a delicate situation(s).
I have two residents that have daughters who are their POA and are complete nightmares. Both these people seem eager to hop on any small thing and will write paragraphs about how it's unacceptable and even blown things out of proportion and called state and installed cameras in the rooms (our IT department is coming to remove them this week as this is against our privacy policy).
Some examples include: reporting the fact that all caregivers have keys (that are turned in at the end of their shift) to the state because if someone forgot to turn it in and took it home, some random might take the key and come in and rape her mom. Same person also reported that a window (that she opened and didn't close) wasn't closed and locked because again, someone might come in and rape her mom. Same person also reported one of the painters doing our building for being on his cell phone with his boss because "he could have been taking pictures of her". Obviously, all reports came back as unfounded.
The other one had a problem with how the dermatologist had written an order for clobetasol and triamcinolone for 14 days on, 7 days off, then repeat AS NEEDED for flares and that we dared to make it PRN after her skin had remained clear. When she had a flare up, she was outraged that I'd made the order scheduled again after notifying her doctor. She also accused our maintenance director of making her raised toilet seat "unsafe" (aka fixing it so it actually fit and didn't slide around after she had first installed it, which led to her mom falling). She's threatened to call APS multiple times, but hasn't.
While these people are a massive headache to deal with, what really gets me is how the residents always feel the need to apologize for their daughters and tell us that they are happy and tell the staff and I that they appreciate us. They literally beg us not to call them or let them know if anything comes up like a fall, their blood sugar is high, or anything similar because "I don't want her to yell at me again". I've heard them yelling and talking shit about the staff, which then always turn into long winded emails laced with vitriol and aggressive tones and backhanded "thanks for taking care of this yesterday when I asked about it TWO WEEKS AGO" and the like.
We are planning to meet with each of them to discuss their concerns as this has been their standard form of communication for months now despite making multiple attempts to establish and request calm, constructive communication.
How have you guys dealt with these kinds of people before? Any success in establishing a better relationship short of telling them that they're reactionary, aggressive, and their own parents are scared of them? Lol but seriously, the amount of hours I've spent trying to placate these women is insane, and I can't continue with this, so any tips or experiences are very much appreciated!

My(16F) Boyfriend (18M) and i recently got into a relationship. my boyfriend is a senior and i am a junior, before getting into a relationship we were best friends for around 3 years. we have been through thick and thin together and both have grown into who we are today. next week we will be coming up on our 4th month; it has been a very short relationship however he and i have both grown as people so much together and have learned so much relationship wise. because we have been friends our relationship has moved faster than all our previous ones, however we also are so connected on a deeper level that it feels like we have been together for years. our friends often compare us to an old married couple, we sit on par benches and admire the nature around us for dates, bicker and joke around with each other, and have kind of an old souls tied together type relationship. now for the hard part, getting into this relationship we both agreed that this relationship is on a timeline and that we will have to break up and continue on as being just friends moving forward because he is going to japan for the whole summer and then immediately to college. at first i was accepting of this because we had agreed on this very early in our relationship. however, as we continued i fell more and more in love with this man each day. i truly didn't know i could love a person this much and it hurts. i talked to him some weeks ago about this and practically begged him to reconsider us breaking up. i told him to take a couple days to take some time to think about this and to have a conversation with me about it when he is ready. this past weekend he sat me down to have the conversation, he told me that his opinion had not changed because he wanted to end this relationship on good terms and not have it on a lifeline throughout the summer and possibly the school year because he is HORRIBLE at texting people and hates being on his phone. he told me that he wont cut me out of his life and that he will never stop liking me and if it works out would like to try again in the future, however he made me promise that i wont hold out for him and mold my life to getting back with him. he still wants to be a big part of my life and still be my best friend. i agreed with this and told him that if that is what he wants that is what we will do and that i am not gonna fight for him to change his mind. while i am happy that we will stay in each other's lives and can still be possibly together romantically again in the future. however i am very scared that i could be losing the love of my life... as crazy as it sounds i truly feel like our relationship is so much more than a casual high school relationship or a relationship to learn how to properly love in a relationship. yes we have learned a lot and have taught each other so much but i am afraid one of us will potentially move on while the other is still holding onto hope that we will end up together again, mainly the person holding on being me. he is staying local for college and will only be about an hour at most away and the college he is attending is one of my top colleges as well. we both have similar future plans and wants and when talking about what we want in the future such as what we want our future house to look like, kids, marriage, and careers we have similar if not the same ideas and expectations so it feels like the universe is simply making it obvious that we are so much more than a temporary fling. however i believe that if we are meant to be, we will come back into each other's lives at a better time and a lot of our friends also believe that we are meant to be together. i am still going to keep my promise of not intentionally holding out for him, however dating him has raised my standards way to high for most likely all other boys our age, he is the only person in my life that i know will play a significant role in my life and will have a major part in my big life events such as my wedding. what that role specifically is, only time will tell.
thank you for listening to my rant, i apologize for all grammatical errors and run on sentences.
**TL;DR;** : my boyfriend and i are breaking up over the summer however i am absolutely devastated because i believe that we are meant to be together

Because that's insane for something released a decade ago. (Also happy belated birthday ESO)
I've been wanting to get back into Elder Scrolls, since Skyrim has been a bit of a comfort for me, and I like some of the mindlessness of an MMO. But I don't want to dedicate nearly half my memory to this one game.

We lost our moms and our foster kid in the past two years. My auntie that was like a mom has slid into dementia and doesn't want us to visit or call anymore. Because I'm a woman, people will wish me happy mother's day if I want to hear it or not... and I definitely don't.
My mother died not speaking to me cause she was pissed off that I wouldn't take care of her at home during covid... and I still don't know what killed her other than that it was cancer that she chose not to have treated. I lie to myself about how I failed her, I tell myself she knew I was there at the end and just didn't have the strength to speak.
It's a huge fucking lie. She wouldn't look in my direction, even though she was talking to the docs and nurses. I was alone with her when she died. She didn't say goodbye, she wouldn't so much as squeeze my hand, because I'm that much of a failure as a daughter. But I can't bear to think of it that way, so I lie and lie and lie. And I let others lie to me, never calling them out on what my heart knows is true.
My foster son died of an overdose 3 months later, after moving halfway across the country to try to reconnect with his blood family. Which I encouraged him to do.... and failed him, too.
I feel inadequate, incomplete, incompetent, cold, uncaring. And I have to watch while people that still have every fucking chance to make things work for their moms and their kids piss and fucking moan over what did or didn't happen for them. You're here, your kids are here, your moms are here, your future is in your hands and you can fucking do anything. You're choosing to settle for relationships in which you are not respected, that are not ideal and throw yourselves little fucking pity parties over not getting breakfast in bed or what the fuck ever for the Perfect Celebration. Fuck that, go live a LIFE that means loving the people around you every fucking day, not just chasing the Hallmark Moments.
If it helps at all, I hate myself more than I do you. Because for a very short window, I was really really fucking happy, with a kid that called me mom and wanted to be with me, and a mom that wasn't completely horrible if I graded on a steep curve... and I fucking missed it with the workaday worries that ultimately don't matter.

Hi, I’m mum of 15 yo boy Mikey. He is very interested in script writing and mystery/horror films. Recently started to shoot videos and film reviews to gain his skills for the future. After school he is planning to go to film and tv college and if lucky to filmmaking uni. He created a channel on youtube 4 months ago. Most of videos are film/cartoon reviews and a few of his own non budget projects. There are not many views yet, mainly from his school friends. Some of film reviews are doing not bad tho. He is about to finish his toys series videos (friends doesn’t want to be in his videos and/or parents rejects) so with toys and him only. He is really happy what he is doing and have lots of ideas. Planning at least 4 more projects with toys this year. Also he has idea for short horror film with teens but need more budget so hopefully next year. He likes to write scripts too. All videos he wrote himself with no help. Scripts for film reviews he writes in one go. As his mom i would like him to continue and stay happy. If you have spare time could you please watch and/ or subscribe if you like his channel for Mikey to be motivated. He doesn’t know that I wrote on Reddit, in case nobody will watch. We live in England so all videos are in English. Please don’t judge strictly as non budget, no experience and not much knowledge of many things like lighting, sound, composition, acting, places, sequences etc. Thank you all in advance 🌻 www.youtube.com/@MGProduction-uo9qn

Hi, I’m mum of 15 yo boy Mikey. He is very interested in script writing and mystery/horror films. Recently started to shoot videos and film reviews to gain his skills for the future. After school he is planning to go to film and tv college and if lucky to filmmaking uni. He created a channel on youtube 4 months ago. Most of videos are film/cartoon reviews and a few of his own non budget projects. There are not many views yet, mainly from his school friends. Some of film reviews are doing not bad tho. He is about to finish his toys series videos (friends doesn’t want to be in his videos and/or parents rejects) so with toys and him only. He is really happy what he is doing and have lots of ideas. Planning at least 4 more projects with toys this year. Also he has idea for short horror film with teens but need more budget so hopefully next year. He likes to write scripts too. All videos he wrote himself with no help. Scripts for film reviews he writes in one go. As his mom i would like him to continue and stay happy. If you have spare time could you please watch and/ or subscribe if you like his channel for Mikey to be motivated. He doesn’t know that I wrote on Reddit, in case nobody will watch. We live in England so all videos are in English. Please don’t judge strictly as non budget, no experience and not much knowledge of many things like lighting, sound, composition, acting, places, sequences etc. Thank you all in advance 🌻 www.youtube.com/@MGProduction-uo9qn

I'm going to try and keep this fairly short, but:

• I was on track to graduate in 2020, and completed all major requirements. Due to a professor not submitting grades in one of my classes during the Spring quarter that year, I was technically two credits short of the total units required to graduate. I am currently working on reenrolling to officially get my degree, and plan to finish that over the summer session, which starts in July. I went to a fairly mediocre school in terms of engineering, UC Davis, and struggled heavily to network and make friends in the program because I was a transfer student and also double majoring in mathematics, although I ended up dropping the double major in the end while I was attempting to graduate in Spring 2020. This also impacted my GPA, which was approximately 2.7.
• Despite not graduating, I got a job in January 2021 working for a small finance startup in what was essentially a data engineering role in their nascent research department, working on a Haskell-based domain-specific language for genetic programming in the contexts of neuroevolution and program synthesis.
• Most of my largest personal projects are written in Haskell, and I have made major open source contributions to Haskell tooling, although I don't want to describe them in too much detail since that would doxx myself. I haven't been active on the project in the last two-three years, but I am still officially a maintainer of Cabal, the Haskell package manager.
• This work was on a contract basis, and despite being verbally assured that I would be renewed for another year, the CEO (who was my main point of contact outside of my direct superior on the research team) ghosted me in early January 2022, and I have not had work since for a variety of reasons. I became severely ill in late 2021, spending the last several months of the year in the hospital and having a major surgery as part of the management of my chronic health condition. Managing my health and recovery took up much of my time, but I did manage to land several interviews in the summer of 2022, including two that reached the point of verbal job proffers, although in both cases the offer was rescinded before I received an offical contract.
• After several more months where I had to focus on my health and securing access to my medication, my wife separated from me largely due to the financial stress of my extended unemployment in March of 2023. I struggled seriously with depression to the point that I was essentially bedbound for large stretches of the remainder of 2023, and needless to say with the difficult job market since, I have not had luck trying to find work.

At this point I've been unemployed for nearly two and a half years, missing out on one of the best job markets I'm likely to see in my life for entry level tech workers, and now I find myself in a truly awful one.
Outside of finishing my degree and getting some recent projects on my GitHub, how do I recover from this massive gap in my resume and get my career back on some kind of track? I'll be bluntly honest and say that I hate front-end web development, but if it means that I can afford to move out, I'll take it. Ideally, I'd find another job in Haskell, but that's not exactly easy, and I'd be about as happy with systems programming, embedded firmware development, or anything else more on the concrete end of the field rather than the "Javascripty" end of things.
I've lost contact with most of my network in this span of time, and don't quite know how to reach out to people after falling off the face of the earth for two years. This isn't socialskillsquestions, though, so I think that's largely out of scope. I think my resume is terrible as well, but I'll save that for tomorrow's sticky.

im 14 F and would like to be a boy, im not trans. i dont think men have easier lives than women, but i want to be a man. theres nothing wrong with women as a whole but i hate being one simply because of feelings and aesthetics, i think men are just better to look at, i see myself in the mirror i see an hourglass and narrow shoulders, but i want to be beefy and bulky built like a triangle, i want to be super tall and with the body of a man, i want a 5'o clock shadow and a moustache, i want clothes to fit me the same way they fit boys. even if i was a muscular woman i just dont like the way it looks, any talk of sexual dimorphism or biology really drives me insane which i know is bad but i hate the fact i was born as a woman, it feels humiliating for people to even look at me. i try to look like a man just so people will see me as one, even when it makes no difference. and when i say i want to be muscular i dont mean toned or fit, i mean i want to look straight out of a bara yaoi. ill see women who are comfortable in their bodies and i honestly feel confused and a bit angry, why are you happy and girly?? what is the appeal of looking like a girl. i really just dont know. last night my sister brought up the fact i was a girl and i kind of snapped at her i just hate talking about it it makes me sick. even if i was trans id never be a real man id never fully look like one, but im not trans. im a Christian and in a conservative family, so id never consider it. obviously im going to put my god over my feelings, but idk if the feelings will ever go away. ever since i was a little girl i would dress up like a boy, and not because i felt comfortable but because i truly felt like being one. there was countless occasions where i would tell someone i was a boy, i would tell my sisters friends im her brother, i would introduce myself with random boy names. on all my socials people think im a guy. its like being a girl is only okay when other girls do it. i used to think i was trans in 4th-5th grade but ik i was just young and going through a phase which is fine, i was just exploring new things. but really ive been tame my whole life about being a girl, i mean im normally pretty layed back, so i was kind of shocked that i got so upset after my sister reminded me of my biology. i still feel upset over it, i feel like lately the urge has been getting worse, a week ago i cut off all my hair and ive started working out again. i went to the movies with a group of unfamiliar people and tried my best to look like a guy. i think really its because i feel like i have a male brain(not to sound like a pick me) and it feels awkward having a masculine brain and appearing female, it just seems like being a man fits me so much better. my roblox avatars are always male, i have boards on Pinterest about how i would dress, style my hair, etc- if i was a man. i feel like being a woman sets me back, im pretty dumb, i dont like anything traditionally feminine, im a wrestler and know that my biology gives me a disadvantage and it makes me seethe daily, knowing men out there hate me so much for what i was born, that i'll never be taken seriously, and no one believes in me. but also i know lots of men dont really think about stuff like that, and i for sure seek out media to enable me. its not just the appearance and strength of men that i want but the experience, i want to be a chivalrous gentleman with male friends, i want to wear swim trunks to the beach instead of a swimsuit, i want to be waiting outside of a changing room in a clothing store with other men doing the same thing, i want to play on the boys team in sports, use the mens restroom, etc-. i want to go through male experiences and live a male life, i want to be raised as a boy. the main thing holding me back from being trans besides god is that boys like girls, and i really like boys and want to kiss and date them, i like everything about boys and everything masculine. i hate anything to do with gender roles or "male and female" which sounds so liberal and newgen but its true, it makes me so uncomfortable like i cant stand even hearing about it because i know ill end up getting a reality check, that im a girl and cant compete with boys. its just odd to me since most girls want to look like Adriana Lima or Megan Fox, but i wanna look like Jake Gyllenhaal with the body of Arnold Schwarzenegger. again im not trans because its not natural and im a Christian but has anyone else ever felt this way?? i mean do you think I'll ever grow out of this?

Hi, I’m mum of 15 yo boy Mikey. He is very interested in script writing and mystery/horror films. Recently started to shoot videos and film reviews to gain his skills for the future. After school he is planning to go to film and tv college and if lucky to filmmaking uni. He created a channel on youtube 4 months ago. Most of videos are film/cartoon reviews and a few of his own non budget projects. There are not many views yet, mainly from his school friends. Some of film reviews are doing not bad tho. He is about to finish his toys series videos (friends doesn’t want to be in his videos and/or parents rejects) so with toys and him only. He is really happy what he is doing and have lots of ideas. Planning at least 4 more projects with toys this year. Also he has idea for short horror film with teens but need more budget so hopefully next year. He likes to write scripts too. All videos he wrote himself with no help. Scripts for film reviews he writes in one go. As his mom i would like him to continue and stay happy. If you have spare time could you please watch and/ or subscribe if you like his channel for Mikey to be motivated. He doesn’t know that I wrote on Reddit, in case nobody will watch. We live in England so all videos are in English. Please don’t judge strictly as non budget, no experience and not much knowledge of many things like lighting, sound, composition, acting, places, sequences etc. Thank you all in advance 🌻 @MGProduction-uo9qn

CANCER ZODIAC GETS MYSTERIOUS SURPRISE

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January 29, 2384 - the day of the last total eclipse is when the raid began. “The day of the sun's false shadow” as people call it now. We, humans, were an unsuspecting victims in a universe habited by multiple vastly stronger existences. When it happened the world had been thrown into utter chaos and shock. The sun had been completely covered by the moon and this event was supposed to last only a short while however after two hours sunlight had still not shown its face upon the earth's surface. This was the beginning of humanity's greatest tribulation. After days of the sun's light not being shown the planet's temperature began to drop and to compensate for this people began to create massive fires but this did not stop the problem. Photosynthesis in plants began to stop, making it harder for humans to breathe. This made humans build labs and create artificial oxygen, which took care of that problem but humans still began to die from hypothermia, frozen oceans, and forced stoppage of blood flow. After two weeks, the sun finally revealed itself and all hope had been restored in humanity collectively only for half the population to be massacred in an instant. “The watchers” had been slowly waiting with armies to colonize our planet and technology beyond our wild comprehension. Technology we can only dream of had been shown and used right before our very eyes and for the first time in all of human history, we had been united as one in our mutual fear and horror. 2 months later, 90% of humanity has been wiped out and the few who remained were used as slaves to cultivate energy. With the use of a Dyson shell, nearly 80% of the sun's energy and heat had been directed into maintaining their energy. Amongst all this time, humanity had collectively agreed to fight back. This began the creation of the liberation group, “the Plague”. These groups of people were the last hope of humanity and carried an extremely large ambition and dream on their shoulders. While “the watchers” were extremely advanced this doesn't change the fact that they were fallible and this group of people were their scourge. They didn't have the military might nor the advanced brain to even keep up against “the watchers” but through slavery and forced labor, the human body began to develop into something stronger. They began to surpass their limits and break the barriers that the human mind had once placed on themselves. Through the selective farming of “the watchers” a new plant had developed that was essentially a stimulant to the human body and a limit breaker for their physical capabilities. At first, they began by using strong levels of acid to corrode the buildings and structures and then stopping their heartbeat to give the impression of suicide so they could not be caught, however, they did not die due to a new system developed from the human's newfound evolution. Due to the strict regimen that we had to follow, we knew all of the places where they would and wouldn't be, all the blind spots of the planet, all the places where they were in close proximity to a chasm, and all the places where we were at a disadvantage. We used the blindspots as bases and hideouts where we could plan our vengeance. After a year of just observing their behavior, habits, bodily functions, and even their schedules we developed a hypothesis that 24 seconds after 7:39 PM we have approximately 19 minutes and 53 seconds in Greenland where we are not being watched nor located. We used this small window of time to gather the fundamental items we needed to fight back and build the foundation for our organization. We gathered food, plants, water, armor, and weapons. We realized that they were immune to cutting/slicing damage and could only be hurt through blunt attacks. With this knowledge, we developed a specific fighting style and used that small time frame to train others in it. We adapted to the harsh conditions and created clothes using spare pieces from “the watchers” specially made for insulating heat, weighing less, and being less penetrable by outside attacks. After a year every person on the planet was a master at this martial arts and had fully developed a counter to all technology that “the watchers” had. However, we could not initiate immediate war on them so we needed a plan. We came up with the idea to have one of our strongest members report to the watchers about our activity and give away one of our bases. This created the false notion that not only did they have someone working as a double agent on their side but also they knew where we would be so they could catch us off guard. We were all there like they expected and they attacked like planned. We had all moved our weapons, armor, and vital items into a different base but kept some things where they attacked to make them think we had not gotten far but this was a dud. Eventually, we had all “died” and had our bodies left at that place as a sign of victory on their side. However, because of this, their ego had grown and they began to underestimate us. The surveillance had gotten weaker as they assumed their “double agent” would tell them everything as a trade for luxury living. We knew that physical power would not be enough so our smartest man collaborated to develop a virus specifically made for their genetic makeup which took about 5 years to extract small strands of DNA without them realizing. Once the virus had been created the incidence began and eliminated more than 60 percent of “the watchers” because of how they were too distracted trying to develop a cure and the vast amount of them dying, we had gained more time to develop our forces and we began to ingest various harmful substances but in small doses in order to gain resistance to any harmful poisons and acids. After new children start to be born this began the origin of a new human species. One massively stronger, smarter, more durable, and with all the immunities and benefits without the downsides. With the birth of this new generation, all of the human race had experienced a collective euphoria. We had begun to secretly train these kids for years and strengthen them in a way the human race had never been before. Due to the circumstances of their birth, they had also developed a strong ability for adaptation and healing factor which ultimately led to humans finally being able to physically compete with “the watchers”. However, we were still lacking in numbers despite the virus taking a vast majority of “the watchers” away. Some of us grew confident and because we were now physically capable some believed we could win the war while others believed we couldn’t yet. This created division within our ranks but did not necessarily break our ranks but that was all depending on your interpretation. We gathered our smartest men and women to make a plan to initiate war, and for 14 days they were stuck in ruminative thought. 2 years passed and we had finally built up the numbers, technology, and physical capabilities to contend with the watchers. Now on the day of the war, all of our strongest soldiers imitated the attack. But this time they were an unsuspecting victim on a planet habited by a stronger species. During the war we had counters for nearly everything the watchers could dish out but one thing we were not aware of was the fact that the watchers could transform into a smaller but faster, stronger, and more durable form. This form took the shape of humankind. So closely related that it struck fear into the hearts of many. Not only was this extremely off-putting but the revelation that came along with it had altered the perception of humanity as we know it. The war had been put to a halt, and all forced fighting in the war had directed their attention to one watcher and one watcher alone. All forces had been completely immobilized and fighting back was no longer capable. With this, the words that had been spoken out of the watcher were a revelation that humanity had not even considered possible. “We are not your enemies. We are you but from the future. In our original timeline, we have been attacked by a species even higher than us. We had been pushed to the brink of extinction and our last hope was only to go back in time in hopes that if we returned to our past selves we could help evolve even more to contend with the world-ending threats from the future. This siege we had laid on this planet and the forced evolution, progression, and tragedy among humankind also brought extreme progression in human capabilities. All of you are vastly superior to your previous forms because of our arrival. While we acknowledge our methods were not the ideal we had no other option. This was the fastest and most effective method to progress the human species although we could not allow the human race to have this win. It would boost the ego of your race and our all of you in a state of comfort and stagnation. With this being said we resign from our participation in this war and would greatly appreciate it if you allowed us to help humanity rebuild and donate technology.” Speechless as to what humanity has just heard we just stood there in utter shock and disbelief. Not a single soul knew what to say and all of humanity had stood in confusion. One man spoke “how do we know this is true” the watcher proceeded to show pictures and videos of them being massacred while some stood in human form and others did not. They showed is this along with the words, “we initiated this war as a way to put the human race through natural selection and eliminate all the weak human being who would not be able to contribute to our growth and success in any upcoming battle. So with that being said what is your decision?” Our leader, and the smartest woman among us had stated, “We humbly decline this offer as we would prefer to evolve by our capabilities and we have already surpassed you so what can you possibly teach us.” After this being stated the war had been started again and the watchers had been for the first time since the “great cleansing” began utterly defeated and annihilated. With the war being won, humanity being victorious, and newfound abilities being discovered humanity had been thrown into an era of peace and prosperity. All tragedies had been blamed on the watchers and for the first time humanity had an ever lasting peace and a perfect utopia where everyone agreed and benefited from each other. With this, we have been vastly improving and slowly but steadily rebuilding our planet and all of humankind. Our members started family’s and genuinely enjoyed the life they were living once again. Everyone acting coyly and with one another was a beautiful side to behold. Everything was perfect until the same monsters who killed the watchers, showed up to eliminate us due to fear of what we could evolve into this time we had no way to fight back and our ranks were already diminished or severely weakened. How would humanity be able to survive this time???Most people had been massacre and captures to be experimented on. Very few of us had actually managed to get away from them and we had only been able to do this through shadow banishment. It was a skill that we had acquired through the technology of the watchers. Living in the void was not the ideal lifestyle as it was ruthless, dirty, and unsafe but the chances of surviving here were massively higher than surviving on earth. Only a hundred of us remained and the human species were basically extinct. With this small group left we had resorted to instead of trying to repopulate and exact revenge immediately we would take the short route. In the void monsters had no sort of civilization and the only rule amongst these creatures were the strongest prevail. There was no sort of rule, order, or even a sense of respect between these monsters. The weak were prey for the strongest, and the strong were killed by the stronger. We took this as an opportunity to not only increase our strength by training and battling but also amassing an empire. The remind of humanity collectively agree that we would bring order and peace to the void. The best way to go through this was by entering the tournament. The monsters held tournaments to watch the strongest fight and kill each other for pure fun. We joined this colosseum and while at first we easily overwhelmed our opponents we had slowly been facing harder and harder opponents as we rose through the ranks. By the time even a single one of us was defeated we had made a name and gained the attention of multiple monsters within the void. We were not necessarily respected or followed but we were feared and simultaneously an opponent that monsters wished to fight. After this we had developed our own fighting ring in which monster could fight and battle against us and only us. We implied a set of rules in this ring. Rule 1; no killing Rule 2; reservations must be made to fight Rule 3; both parties must consent Rule 4; do not make the fight personal Rule 5; it must be between a human and monster. These rules created a sense of security amongst the monsters and while driven by their desire of battle they also abided by the rules. Eventually after fighting throughout the tournament and gaining more traction with the monsters in it. Eventually even the most high ranked demons had begun to make reservations in for our fights. Our strongest soldiers had been the ones to fight them as nobody else can really compete. The first fight had been with a demon who had the ability of immunity. This ability did not only revolve around internal status effects but also could be applied to his physical body. The fight had been the biggest one the ring had ever experienced and it did not disappoint. Eventually we had won and this through the whole entire void and everyone in it into an uproar. Monsters who never even bothered to fight had shown up to battle. The strongest monster in the void and the only monster with a sense of order, self, and purpose had shown up to fight all humans by himself. He agreed that if we win he would pledge allegiance to us all and work under our rule however if we lose we will be killed. This monster bore an extreme resemblance humans. The structure of his body and the contents of it were all human like however he claimed not to be. This monsters name was angel and he possessed the ability to manipulate and control all matter with the sole exception of any other organic material that resided outside of his own body. Our commander and strongest member amongst us was the person to fight him. His name was Alexander and despite the fact that we didn't have any singular special powers like him however our physical bodies were honed greater than any other species in existence. They were evenly matched in speed and strength and even in our capabilities to rapidly heal from damage. They had been evenly matched in all physical ability and the fight had ultimately come to hand to hand combat and who could last longer. Angel was unmatched in combat and had barely even been hit due to how experienced in martial arts he had been; however throughout the fight Alexander had been naturally adapting to his fighting style and developing counters to everything. Our natural ability to adapt to all attacks and effects placed upon us had given a clear win condition; however time was needed to actually see and fully understand how to possibly adapt to everything. The longer the fight took the higher the chance of Angel losing. Alexander had slowly but steadily been adapting and developing new combat styles to counter everything angle could do and even had grown to use his own severed limbs as projectiles and use his blood as a coat over all other objects to cancel his ability to use his field. Angel's main ability had been to control the air around him to increase speed, power, and even get a sense of what his opponent would be doing before it happened. After finally adapting to this his body had begun to heat itself in an attempt to turn it into vapor and due to blood being organic matter of another life form he would no longer have control of the air and the surrounding area. After this the fight had come down to solely base physical capabilities and for 10 minutes they had been mindlessly brawling and instantaneously healing through the damage taken. After a long period of time their healing began to slow down due to bodily fatigue. Biting, punching, scratching, kicking, anything you can think of, they did it. That fight was a bloodbath unlike anything else and in the end they both passed out on the floor with nothing left besides their bodies soaked and bathed in each other's blood. After they had both been knocked unconscious their bodies had been left there in anticipation for them to awaken. The ring filled beyond capacity as people argued and fought about who would awaken first. In anticipation for this once in a lifetime event the whole void had stopped with all its attention. Angel was the first to awaken and he had been exhausted and utterly stunned as to how he actually had gotten knocked out. He had the opportunity to kill his opponent as he had technically won the battle but out of respect for his opponents strength and capabilities he possessed. After the fight had finished Angel had left and was never to be seen again. After 2 weeks Alexander had awoken in a small shack being guarded by one other human and confused after everything had been explained to him he had went around looking for angel but he was not to be found. After awakening Alexander had been massively stronger than before. Due to the physical state his body was put in and all the damage that he had taken from Angel his body had adapted and become more dense in order to take all the attacks while sustaining the least amount of damage possible. After his awakening this began our political revolution. We had now implemented the ring with rules and gotten multiple monsters to follow by these rules and with them being accurate to filling orders more now we had decided to initiate a leadedictator in a sense. The top 5 strongest creatures in the void had been the leaders and this had consisted of Alexander at 1, 2 other demons at 2 and 3, and humans to fill the final spots. We began to implement laws and rules in order to stop the mass murder and destruction happening and within a small time frame we had created structures similar to the ones of the earth. Houses and gyms in order to train in hopes of becoming stronger and even professional combat sports. After 2 months time had passed we had developed a military with our best members in it and humbly had began to repopulate. All this had been done in hopes of regaining the earth and defeated our oppressors. Fast forward 1 months the and the siege of the home planet had begun. They had not been suspecting us however took the preparations in case we had come. Based and soldiers set up in every corner of the world to fight back when the time came we did come back. With this an all out war for the fate of humanity had began and the extinction of either race lay in the balance between life and death.
After the war had began all forces had been deployed to different areas of the planet. Groups that had worked together best being deployed to one part while our strongest being deployed to another. At first we had been nearly even in everything besides technology. They had everything that we lacked and this gave them the combative edge. However despite lacking in technology we made up for it in numbers. Most fights had consisted of large groups of monsters fighting against one or two of our enemy and this has convoluted till their forces had been somewhat deployed. The one on one fights had been more dragged out and heavily impacted the war. Our strongest soldiers fighting against their strongest soldiers in a one on one fight. Everyone has put their all into this battle and left nothing to spare. Our second and third strongest soldiers had the most impact in this war not because of who they fought but because of what they could do. They didn’t actually have abilities specific to them but instead they were born with a type of energy within their bodies in which they called “synergy”. This synergy could be used to amp all their physical abilities but also be used to crate and use techniques or even use techniques that are specific to the traits of the individuals soul. The strength and physical stats of the individual depended on how much synergy they had at their disposal and while some of them were able to gather strength from other life forms it was not a very common occurrence. Alexander fought someone with the ability to control and manipulate momentum. They used synergy and funneled it through all objects of their choice to increase or decrease of momentum of that. This didn’t do much on a wide scale and was a very basic ability but in a solo battle this made it extremely hard to land attacks and even when they were landed they did little to no damage. The most important one to kill had the ability to manipulate all probability. Meaning the likelihood of us even winning this war was less then .0001 percent with them being alive. Whether it was because of a collection of small losses or one major loss did not make a difference. All odds were stacked against us as long as this person remained on the battlefield. In simple terms the whole war relied on the defeat of that person. Our second in command and smartest soldier, “Cassandra” decided to take this upon herself. She was the only one among us who possessed an innate ability and was viewed as the most special soldier but this came at a cost. She gained a talent no other human possessed but in return she no longer had the natural ability to adapt to all circumstances. Her ability was to take the form and attributes of any and all creature she knew to exist. Mythical or not she could take the shape and ability of these creatures and use it as long as she desired. However she could only use one at a time and had to wait 30 seconds in between shifting. Our third in command, “Vladimir” had took the roll of fighting their head technologist. While his opponent had not specialized in battle he still was one of the most dangerous and this was because of his ability to create machines as small as molecular level that shared his thoughts and emotions. These machines were used to repair his body in case on injury, transport information, invade any opponents body and restrict movement, anything that he deemed possible could be done with the use of those machines. But he chose to mainly use them as sort of technological tools to help him further advance his society. The rest of our battles were not nearly as important and were mostly group battles. Afro the beginning portion of Alexander’s fight he had been losing severely and could barely land any attacks at all. After a few minutes of getting beat down and not being able to fight back the adaptation process began. The first adaptation was only a temporary solution to the problem but his body had been explosively shooting out sharpened pieces of his bones and even using tiny droplets of blood as weapons. However this was only a temporary solution because eventually those bones and blood just started being slowed also. The final adaptation and most effective one happened when his body created a function in which he can store kinetic energy and then release it at any given time. This allowed him to rapidly boost his speed whenever his momentum had been slowed and basically cancel out his opponent power. However this still did not stop how his opponent made himself significantly faster. After this the fight had been more tipped into Alexander’s favor but still not enough to actually win. Throughout the progression of the fight Alexander had been gathering more and make friction between the clothes he had and his feet running against the floor. After gathering as much friction and kinetic energy as possible he let it all explode and release all over his body. This altered the form of his body. His body and skin began to form cracks and let off steam. He began to turn dark red and his eyes became shot with blood. His body was slowly crumbling and deteriorating. He had 5 minutes left to defeat his opponent and if he did not then his body would crumble and he would die. Due to his rapid healing factor he had a chance of living if he was able to end the fight within 5 minutes and give himself some time to rest but this all depended on how much he could get done. The battle had been tilted all the way in Alexander’s favor and had no longer been a battle. It had turned into if his opponent could outlast him in those 5 minutes. Brutally beating his opponent and taking full advantage of the situation Alexander did not relent on his rampage. Stopping his momentum no longer mattered and it seemed like the more he tried the faster Alexander got. Steam had been blowing off him. In the end he had managed to kill his opponent within those 5 minutes and had been at deaths door. Cassandra had began her battle and had been absolutely obliterating her opponent. The ability to shape shift from dragons, unicorns, hydras, centaurs, and any mythical creature you can think of. At first she had taken the abilities of a dragon but throughout the fight she had been developing into stronger and more complex creatures. After a while her opponent had been decreasing the probability of her even landing attacks. This made it extremely hard for her to fight and maintain the advantage. She took the appearance and abilities of the mythical deity sun wukong. Due to sun wukong being a monkey that ascended into a higher power he is one of the only gods that she can transform into. After this she gained the ability to not only make clones out of every hair on her body but also multiply the power of each clone. While she does not possess every power sun wukong has she possesses some of them and the most prominent ones. This fight had been a one sided beatdown and only lasted longer than 2 minutes because the probability of each clone attacking each other had been raised to its maximum percentage. Despite this every 1000 punches that had been thrown at least 1 hit her opponent and this was more than he could handle from millions of clones. Vladimir had no special capabilities; he only possessed an extremely honed body and battle experience. At first they had been near equal but the battle began to take a turn when the tiny bugs began to infest his body and eat him from the inside. Due to his advanced healing factor he had been able to stop any significant damage and fight with mild discomfort but this did not change that if he continued in for a longer period of time then he would inevitably be defeated by these bugs and killed. This made the battle a race against time. Expending everything his body had to offer and leaving not a single drop of energy left. Pushing his body to the absolute peak and physical limit. Even going beyond the known capabilities of his body he began to evolve into a higher form. He did not develop any new type of power or gain a newfound power but he did increase and rapidly evolve his physical capabilities. He began to punch with such speed and strength that he created shockwaves from breaking the sound barrier. With this his punches became far more explosive and with every punch thrown he was exploding giant parts of his opponents body and everything within the perimeter. With no regard to his surroundings the battle had destroyed everything in sight and left them fighting in a bare wasteland. Basically erasing everything within line of his punches he began to annihilate his opponent with speed and strength unmatched. Due to all the tiny machines within his body he regrow limbs and was able to counter attack with near no fatigue or even lag in his action. While pushing his body to its absolute limit his body had given up on him. Rapidly healing from constant damage, pushing muscles to their utmost limit, moving, attacking at his highest speed, and even understanding/ perception of all attacks massively faster then he could ever before. Due to all this his body began to give out and in the midst of battle he fell and was unable to recover. No longer able to fight back and maintain the performance he had, he was defeated. Being eaten from the inside, limbs being torn from his body, and being damaged so much that not even his regeneration could keep up. His head had been ripped off his body and with this humanity had suffered its first major loss. After this all other forces began to gain support from all his other bugs and humanities forces had been rapidly depleting. With loss in sight humanity had lost hope and accepted defeat. Right when humanity had accepted defeat and all hope had been lost the king had shown himself once again. Like an Angel coming to bless all of humanity he had run through and obliterated all enemies of humanity. Destroying everything in sight and bringing all enemies to his feet he had saved humanity and restored hope and just like that he had disappeared into the void once again. There was no explanation as to how or why but in that moment all of humanity knew who we would be forever grateful and indebted to. Not many opponents had been left standing but the few who were, were extremely weakened and overwhelmed by numbers. After this decisive battle humanity had been in a state of joy and excitement out of their new victory. Once all the excitement and happiness from winning had worn off all the sorrow and remorse from the losses had come rushing in. All the lost family members, dead soldiers, limbs lost, and mental trauma had taken a toll on humanity. After we had gotten our planet back we did not spend our time rebuilding and trying to repopulate. We spent months mourning the loss of our loved ones and all our soldiers. We laid in depression and sorrow for our mutual loss and mental trauma. This brought humanity closer as a whole and we bonded over our suffering. Humanity had been one but at what cost. After years of processing humanity had finally been able to rebuild all of our structures, population, and even expand to different planets. After all these trials and tribulations we had finally evolved completely and after ages of loss we had finally entered a golden age of humanity. After all this we had begun to explore the deep parts of our planet and while exploring we discovered something far beyond our comprehension. Humanity had only been a small part of a vastly bigger world and a whole new world had now been exposed to us. We had breached through the ice caps of the north pole and had been greeted with hostility from a race on our planet we did not even know existed. After entering this “new world” humanity had found out the truth of our existence and creation. After finding out the truth of our creation and the prophecy of our faith we had all collectively regretted winning that war. Beyond our world laid horrors and truths we were not yet prepared for. After all this we had once again been thrown into a dark age with no will to fight. In the end this was the beginning of the end for humanity…

Hey guys,
21F and an NRI, so I don’t know if this is the right place to post this but here we go. Just going to rant out whatever I’ve been feeling lately.
Why do looks matter so much? I personally think I’m a 5-6, on a good day and on the others I think I belong to the negatives. I’ve never been approached by a boy, except in school and that too online. I was a tomboy my whole life and I loved it, I still am to some extent and most guys I befriend just treat me like one of the guys.
I am extremely ambitious and yes, I score well since I put a lot of effort trying to make a good career and parents proud since they’re paying a fuck ton of money for my education abroad. Guys only come to me to ask for notes or to get intel about what internship I’m doing over the summer.
I initially thought alright, maybe no one approaches me because I don’t go to parties, drink or anything and just stay between my girl gang.
I know most of y’all gonna say that I shouldn’t expect if I don’t give. I did. I subtly asked out a guy in uni, (told him he looks cute via a mutual), and despite hitting it off, he never saw me more than a “guy”.
I hate it. I don’t know if I want a relationship since I’m way too busy with my studies, but oh how I wish to be pined after, to be told I’m good enough?
I always hid this insecurity of my looks, buried it in the pretext of unnecessary distractions. My parents are so happy I don’t have any boyfriends and that, and here I am being like lol I wouldn’t even get one even if I tried. I feel like I am more distracted by the fact that I am so freaking lonely, than I would be if I had a guy.
Seeing my friends getting hit after, or even getting an attention from boys, makes me jealous and I am so disgusted by that jealousy. Am I destined to be lonely?
I tried to change the way I look. I but chubby? I lost the weight. Chashmish? Got contacts. Pimples? Got clear skin now. I don’t wear make up is all.
On the other days I think, behncho I’m going to be a doctor, and this is what I’m crying about?!
Being ugly sucks man :/

I was dating a boy for almost six years until october. we were high school sweet hearts and met when we were 16. he broke up with me suddenly and gave me no other explanation aside from “i’m unsure about us.” he broke up with me on a 20 minute phone call—we were long distance (during academic terms) for the past two years (different colleges). He broke up with me in the middle of my midterms, one week after my depression diagnosis, and a week away from a serious academic verdict. After debating on what to do after moving back home following the end of the semester, and given we didn’t speak for four months, i reached out in December seeking closure, since i felt like i was at least owed an in person conversation.
Throughout our no contact his family constantly reached out to me and updated me on him, often against my will; his communication (which i wish i didn’t ever hear) was strange and aloof: “closure? we don’t need closure because i don’t know what’s going to happen.” In response to my ask for closure, he told me yeah we can have that sometime in january. During the break up, he made it clear we were fully broken up, though he kept using language indicating there could be a reconciliation some day. He was planning to still adhere to our grad school plans and hoped to end up in the same city as me, even asserting that my top city was his as well. Anyways, he texted me back saying hes still unsure blah blah. Then he randomly reached out two weeks later and said he wants to get back together and planned for a date on January 15th. I agreed. We went on the date and it went well. Once it came to talking about getting back together, I asked him if he had slept with anyone else during those four months, since I was not interested in us reconciling if he had. He said no. Multiple times. We talked things out, got back together, and went to his house to see his parents. We talked w them, laughed, then I slept over that night. That night we had sex two times. It was not after the second time we had unprotected sex that he admitted he had sex with one other person during the break up. We spent 18 hours straight talking and crying about it. The next day, he admitted that he lied and that it wasn’t one person, it was two people. He hadn’t tested for any STIs, he admitted he lied to me because he knew i didn’t want to get back together if he had slept with other people, and he wanted to be back together. Since then, he admitted the break up was because he was wondering if the grass was greener on the other side—he essentially wanted to experience other people and have other sexual experiences. He voiced that he wasn’t sure if I was pretty enough or good enough for him, and he feared he was settling. That’s why during the breakup he downloaded tinder and slept with two girls off of it. The first one was a hook up and the second one was more of a date-scenario. They had sex in his car for the first time and they rented an air bnb for the second time. The last time he had sex with her was the last week of December—less than two weeks before he texted me trying to get back together. We have been having a lot of trouble since this reconciliation, since there is little to no trust because of the lying, insecurities that have formed because of his fear of settling because of superficial standards, and the plain fact that he had sex with other girls during our breakup. Additionally, his hookup with the second girl remains the most hurtful since he never wanted to have car sex with me and refused to ever rent somewhere so we could have privacy. Since getting back together, he has had a 180 switch, being genuinely great, attentive, and secure in everything. According to him, he’s “locked in with us.” The concept of this is even troubling because why didn’t I inherently deserve this from the beginning? Why did he have to lose me and experience other people for me to finally receive the treatment any girlfriend should get? This all has propelled me into a reckless era, something that constantly leaves him insecure because I get a lot of male attention each night I go out—something he is admittedly not used to (I was never a partier).
I understand that the correct intellectual answer is to leave and that nothing is worth this much pain, but it’s hard when there’s so much history; we grew up together, we are each others first everything (and he’s still my only everything) so I really find myself in cycles of happiness and profound anger and pain. I feel like I can’t go to anyone about this because they will tell me to leave the relationship, which objectively I feel makes sense. But it’s hard to put what’s objectively “right” in practice when you are in love and have so much invested into a person. I don’t know if this is salvageable. Does anyone have any words of wisdom or advice about this?

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS NUMEROLOGY DECODE

Since we all know exactly who and what Spongebob is, I am going to do a Numerology decode.
When it comes to Numerology, there are many different things you can look into. I am going to look into the letters, patterns, and Numerology personality numbers.
SPONGEBOB has a personality #6. 6 is the number of compassion, work ethic, criticism, cleanliness, and productivity. In the funny show, we see that Spongebob is a workaholic. He has a 5 destiny number which shapes who you are overall. 5 is connected to youthfulness which explains the silliness of the Spongebob character. He is always laughing and doing things funny. The 5 energy indicates this. 5 also points to people, places, and things that are unique. He has an 8 soul urge which explains his undying ambition and creativity.
We can see that SPONGEBOB has 2 O's which has the numeric energy of 15 and numeric value of 6. 15 is the creative use of energy for productivity. Again, 6 is the number of routine, work ethic and productivity goes with this. This energy is not only his personality number, but also it is within his name. It's really in him.
SPONGEBOB HAS DOUBLE NUMERIC VALUES IN HIS NAME WHICH ARE, 7,6,5, AND 2. This explains why he is able to show his emotions and have moments of sensitivity(2). Very compassionate(2) but also childish and silly(5) and able to come up with plans that work(7). Since these #s has double influence, we must considered what they equal. 7 twice equals 14/5 which shows how he is responsible and can make work fun even though it is a duty(6). 6 twice equals 12/3 which shows his social skills, life, and creativity. Another youthful energy as well. 5 twice equals 10/1 which points to his bravery and capability to take action. 2 twice equals 4 which is home,family,responsibility, and structure on the home front and he would make everyone feel comfortable for the most part.
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So, I wanted to write this a little in depth to give you some context. There is this girl at my gym who her and I had been making elongated eye contact for about a month. Never thought much of it until she started adding in a little smile. This girl is a full blown bodybuilder (she has a competition this weekend), she looks fantastic. I am an amateur bodybuilder myself, have been training for 7 years now. Anyway, I had seen her workout with this skinnier guy from time to time, they talked but it did not seem super intimate.. so I did not know if it was just a friend. 2-3 weeks back, I worked up the courage to talk to her briefly. She kind of blushed, we had a short small talk and I moved on. The next day, I saw her working out with the same guy. I waved at her and she quickly waved and kind of looked down. The guy she was with saw me wave, which I didn't think much of. I saw him later on in the gym and he stared at me extremely intense. A few days later I saw her working out by the free weights. I went and started working out in the general vicinity just to see. Minute or two later she was standing right behind me and when we connected she took her headphones out. To make a long story short.. we ended up talking for 2 hours. Talked about working out, to life, to religion, to where we are from.. talked about a lot. About an hour to hour and a half in she mentioned "her boyfriend"... She mentioned that he came from a very rich family and they don't exactly understand coming from nothing (like she has). That was the only mention of him. Anyway, I figured this long conversation was likely a fluke. Then, last Friday, she came up to me on the treadmill and said she was going to come "bother me". We then proceeded to talk and have another 45 minute conversation. She said things like "oh I didn't tell you!" and (oddly enough she is moving into my apartment complex.. yes, with him..) "oh we should do something", then her voice kind of trailed off as if she knew she shouldn't have said that. I have NOT asked for this girls number or anything on social media. She did ask if I have Instagram and I said no (which is true). My dilemma here is that I really, truly enjoy talking to this girl. We connect in every single way. The conversation flows with ease, we are on the same wavelength, we even have the same beliefs.. it is pretty wild. However, I do not want to find myself disappointed. Do you guys think I am reading into this too far? Do you think that she is simply being friendly and I am catching feelings for someone that does not feel similarly at all? Any advice would be great.
A quick side note.. I went to the gym today and she did come in, I am sure she saw me. She did not come over and say anything and jolted straight to the back. Was a bit odd, but no huge deal. Then 2-3 minutes later I saw her boyfriend come in and head over to her. Made me wonder if she didn't want to get caught up talking to me when she knew he was coming. Not sure.
As I said, really not sure how to play this out. I don't want to get involved in drama.. I truly don't. But it is also a shame when you really hit it off with someone and you aren't sure what to do. Thanks so much for the help.

Context: I’m 24, currently unemployed for the past two months (actively searching for work and working with job developers), no assets and have close to 65k in debt but 25k is OSAP which I’m not worried about because they’re on pause and have no interest
Of the remaining 40k, 30k is from my student line of credit that just recently got converted into a loan. The rest credit card debt (8.7k) from three different cards, one is 6.6k the two are about 1k each
The vast majority of my debt is from funding myself through school. I worked and received OSAP but still needed the line of credit since those weren’t enough for rent and groceries.
My credit score was always excellent up until two years ago where the credit card debt started building. My cat got very sick and long story short i maxed out my 7k credit card on him (worth it, he’s healthy and happy now) and that’s where all the cc debt comes from. I’ve always made my monthly payments that are over $300 on that one cc alone but it all just goes to interest so the principal hasn’t come down much, same with all my other debts
I pay roughly $750 towards debts a month. I just can’t afford that + rent + groceries + other essentials like bus pass, phone bill and medications etc. I quit my low paying job because of an extremely toxic environment and never thought it would take me months to find literally any min wage job especially since I have a degree + leadership experience on my resume.
I’ve only made it this far without working because of what I got back from my tax refund but I have literally no more money left to pay all my debts and am considering filing for bankruptcy (I have an appointment with an LIT to seek professional advice)