Aleve and parafon forte

About to have surgery and need to stop pain meds

2024.02.08 01:08 activities-in-vain About to have surgery and need to stop pain meds

I have to stop pain meds (blood thinners and anti inflammatories) for 10 days before surgery. Mostly I take edibles and ibuprofen for my nerve pain. My surgeron asked I stop taking edibles 2 weeks before because it messes with anastasia. I also have stretches from my physical therapist, but my physical therapist told me not to do them when I'm in pain and I'm almost always in pain.. Anyways, besides living in a hot bath is there anything that gives you relief?

submitted by activities-in-vain to ChronicPain [link] [comments]

2024.01.14 16:10 irrelevant1 Bizarre painful temporary loss of use of arms, legs, hands.

Male 58. 6'1" 200 lbs. Caucasian. Relatively good health. Active lifestyle. No meds or previous health issues. Smoker.
About a year ago I awoke one morning with some pain in my left shoulder and assumed I’d slept badly on it. The pain gradually got worse throughout the day, and I found myself holding my upper arm against my side and my forearm against my chest/stomach as if it were in a sling. Come nighttime and the pain was getting worse, so much so that my wife drove me to the ER. I was given a shot of something and a pill and a prescription to get the next day (sorry I’ve no idea what those things were). The next morning, I felt much better, got the prescription (pills for a few days) and never had cause to think about it again.
Until recently.
I live in the Caribbean and work in the marine industry and just before Christmas was required to fly to Florida to bring a boat back to the islands. I arrived Tuesday evening and checked into a hotel. In the early hours of Wednesday morning, I awoke with the same left arm shoulder pain previously mentioned. As the day wore on, not only did the pain increase but by evening my right arm and shoulder were doing the same thing and by midnight I found myself once more needing to visit the ER. My forearms, hands and fingers were fine but my upper arms were locked against my sides and any movement in them was excruciating (it took me about 30 mins to put on a t-shirt and pants and slip on some sandals). After five and a half hours of waiting in agony in ER (it wasn’t busy) I finally decided that I would rather be miserable in my hotel room and returned there without having received any medical attention. In the morning, a colleague (who doesn’t have much faith in doctors) put me in a car and took me to see a physical therapist. The therapist did some stretching exercises with me and a short massage and made me feel surprisingly better. I went for a second session with the PT the following day and again left feeling a lot better and with a much better range of motion in my arms, though still not perfect. At this point it’s now the weekend, the weather had turned, and we are extending our stay in Florida. Saturday found me with stiffening legs. The muscles running down from the top of my legs to my knees were getting tight and I found myself in the same kind of pain as my shoulders and with limited movement so that I was going down steps sideways and shuffling rather than walking. Due to the weather the crew had disbanded and taken separate flights home and I found myself alone shuffling around my hotel for the next few days awaiting my own flight. At this point my arms are slightly better (limited range of movement) but my legs are getting worse and I’m wondering if I can even get on a plane or even to the airport. It’s amazing how many muscles/joints are involved in the simplest of tasks. Getting off the bed and to the bathroom was a major and painful effort taking about twenty minutes, ditto putting on clothes. By Wednesday the issue with my legs had eased off to where I now had what felt like a huge knot in my right calf so that I could now at least limp rather than shuffle and by Thursday, the day of my flight I was able to very carefully get myself to the airport limping and carrying bags with very straight arms at my side. I’d also booked an appointment with my doctor for Friday morning. Back home now and at the doctors I find myself with residual aches and pains but seem relatively normal. My doctor is mystified but suspects dengue fever as she had seen a handful of cases around the island recently. Three days of visits for blood tests, urine samples etc showed that I didn’t have rheumatoid arthritis or dengue fever but gave no clue as to what I did have. My white blood cell count was off which suggested my body was fighting something. I was told to take only paracetamol for the pain and told NOT to take Advil, Tylenol, Aleve, Motrin etc etc (don’t know why) and was given a vitamin B shot, some Diazepam (as a muscle relaxer?), about a weeks’ worth of antibiotics and three days’ worth of Prednizone. Christmas and New Year come and go and I feel fine. The crew are called to meet in Florida once more as the weather window is good to bring the boat down and off I fly again. The first day was fine but on the second day I awoke to the familiar pain, this time in my left hand. It started as a feeling similar to a sprained wrist but as the day progressed my wrist, hand and especially my middle finger noticeably swelled and my fingers became unusable. Any slight bump to my middle finger left me screaming in agony. Just like with my shoulders previously, as the day went on similar things happened to my right hand and wrist though not as extreme as the left. For the next four days I was dead weight on the boat and fellow crew had to cut up food and hand feed me as I couldn’t use my hands at all and spent my days and nights in misery in my cabin. Arriving back on island I visited my doctor again. By the time I got there the swelling had gone down though my left middle finger was still super sensitive and I was able to use both hands though taking great care in doing so. More blood tests, the results of which I have to wait until the 22nd Jan for, but I suspect will come with no clear answers, hence my presence here. Once more I was given paracetamol and three days worth of Prednizone. As I write this I feel fine but am careful about arm movements and using my hands. As mentioned before, I’m not hopeful that the blood tests are going to tell us anything and would like to see a specialist in the USA or Canada but have no idea of what type of specialist I should be seeing. Is it neurological, physiological, muscles, joints, tendons? I was a SCUBA instructor for many years (in the last ten years I’ve probably dived five times with the last being about four years ago) and can’t help but think that if a diver came to me with these symptoms I’d tell them they have DCS, but that seems ridiculous in my case given my lack of diving in recent years. With the exception of the first shoulder incident a year ago, the only common factors recently are two visits to Fort Lauderdale on Southwest Airlines. Any and all thoughts gratefully received.

submitted by irrelevant1 to AskDocs [link] [comments]

2023.11.06 00:56 rdunning4242 New York City Marathon 2023:

Race Information*

Name: New York City Marathon* Date: November 5, 2023* Distance: 26.2 miles* Location: New York, NY* Website: https://www.nyrr.org/races/2023tcsnewyorkcitymarathon* Time: 2:38:38

Goals

Goal	Description	Completed?
A	Sub 2:43	Yes
B	Don’t Bonk	Yes

Splits

Kilometer	Time
5	18:35
10	19:08 (37:43)
15	18:56 (56:39)
20	18:59 (1:15:38)
25	19:16 (1:34:54)
30	18:37 (1:53:31)
35	18:43 (2:12:14)
40	18:31 (2:30:45)
42	7:53 (2:38:38)

Training

Leading up to this race, I planned out a 12 week training block of my own design. I had just finished my first ever trail 50k in June, a fun race that had me train to a peak milage of 78, with admittedly minimal hard pace work due to the nature of trail running. For the leadup to NYC, I started out at 70 miles, with the plan being to peak at 85. The increase was not uncharted territory for me, but would be the highest mileage I had hit in over 3 years.
The start of the build went smoothly, feeling great on workouts and hitting my mileage with minimal aches and pains. I hit a few fantastic workouts, including a 20 miler that had 15 miles of fartlek work. In the fifth week, I hit a bit of a hitch. With 58 miles down, I went into a 22 mile long run with a hard workout planned. After 11 miles, I called it quits. This should have been the first sign for me that I needed to change how I approached workouts, and specifically doing workouts during my long runs.
A few weeks ago, I posted here about my plans for a 24 miler with 18 miles of workout, and was met with (very warranted) concern regarding that choice. This was during week 7 of my training, and immediately killed my consistency. The 24 miler went well, but was followed by a down week and a week that lost 3 days to sickness. This was when I realized that any future training should be from a well designed plan. Week 10 was planned to be my first taper week, but opted for one more 16 mile workout with 12 miles at goal pace, a good tune-up workout. The rest of the taper went well, some solid days off, until 3 days before the race, when I took my bike out to watch my girlfriend's workout, and due to my own idiocy, fell off, landing HARD on my back. I struggled to breathe easily that night, but with rest and Aleve, it was ready for race day.

Pre-race

After a night where I fought for good sleep, I woke up at 3:45 am (thank you daylight savings for that extra hour) and hopped in the shower. Breakfast was a bagel with 2 eggs and a banana, with another bagel and banana prepared for the starting village.
The journey to the start line of NYC is a marathon of it's own. From my apartment, I took two trains to the Staten Island Ferry, hopped on the 5:45 am ferry, and then took the bus to Fort Wadsworth. Huge shoutout to the volunteers for ensuring the bus situation was fixed after last year's disaster. From there, I had ample time to relax. The weather was a bit cold for hanging around, but I knew that meant it would be fantastic for racing.
I found a nice patch of grass to lie down and wait, and around 8:05 I started getting ready. After a trip to the porta potties, I changed out of my old trainers into my newly broken in Hoka Rocket X2s, ditched some layers into the clothing conation bins, and packed up my belt with 4 GUs, 4 Untapped gels, and some Honey Stinger Energy Chews. The chews were new for me (I know, nothing new on race day, but I trusted my stomach) and they ended up being a great choice. Just after 9, my corral made our way to the start line, and it was time to go.

Race

When the gun went off, I initially panicked. I felt trapped, trying to pass people too quickly. This wasn't my first NYCM, but for some reason the crowds still go to my early. I still hit my first mile on pace, and then came the downhill of the bridge. That second mile is always one that people warn you about. I hit the split. 5:38. I said "Oh" audibly, but a guy next to me snaps me out of it, reminding me it's all downhill.
From there, I'll spend the next 11 miles telling myself over and over to slow down. Despite feeling good, I knew I hadn't trained to hit the paces I was going, and was ready to get hit hard with fatigue at any moment. The crowds in Brooklyn were as intoxicating as ever, and it kept me pushing hard. One by one, the miles ticked off. Mile 12, I got a huge boost from seeing my girlfriend. Mile 13, some good friends cheering for me kept the energy going.
I reached the half marker on the Pulaski Bridge well under 2:40 pace, but I still didn't believe that I would hit the time. "Slow down, and you'll guarantee a sub 2:41 race," I told myself. That would have been over an 11 minute PB for me, and I would've been overjoyed with the result. The miles in Queens went smoothly, and Queensboro bridge cam and went in a flash. Then it was time for First Ave.
Seeing more friends on First Ave propelled me to consecutive sub 6 miles. I was still on sub 2:40 pace, but I wasn't ready to commit yet. Once I was in the Bronx, my legs started to burn the tiniest bit. Back into Manhattan, I hit the 32K marker, and the mental math started. Could I actually run sub 2:40? It would take consecutive 5ks under 19 minutes, but I decided to go for it.
Fifth Ave was my downfall in this race last year, but this year I was better prepared, and determined to beat it. I spent the next few miles slowly picking off other runners, and seeing my new goal of sub 2:40 becoming more and more real. Before I knew it, I was in the park, with a mile to go, and over 7 minutes to get it done. Crossing that finish line in 2:38:28, and crushing my goal, was one of the most exciting moments of my running career.

Post-race

After the long walk out of the park, and the LONG journey home on the train, I was ready for a nap. The trip gave me time to think about what's next for me, though. My next big race is Boston 2024, and I'm ready to make some changes to my training. First, I want to either find a coach, or follow an established and proven training plan. More likely the latter. Second, I want to prioritize strength training. My plan for my off weeks is to get into a good gym routine. Finally, I want to run some shorter races too. I didn't race once during this training block, and I think some tune ups/fitness checks could be fun!
As I sit and type this, I'm thinking about how I never really expected to train to race marathons. And throughout points during this training block, I wondered if this would be the last one I would truly race. But now, I feel like I'm just getting started, and I can't wait to see where this journey takes me.
Made with a new race report generator created by herumph.

submitted by rdunning4242 to AdvancedRunning [link] [comments]

2023.05.22 06:57 LostinSOA Surgery 25th- items, plans advice

Surgery at 1:00 Thursday to do drain-less TT, MR, vaser lipo to flanks and a 7 inch scar excision with exparel. I’ll find out tomorrow what my post op pain meds will be when I finish the balance.
Plan: My support partner is my husband he will be off Thursday -Tuesday. He’s cared me through C-sections, hyster, icu stays and breast augmentation. We have theatre reclining sectional in the living room I’m planning to take up home at, he’s moved his office temporarily out there to WFH and keep an eye and help me up. My concern, I have a 10 yo 50 pound staffy who is mommas biggest baby and tends to snuggle me if I’m not feeling good or recovering. Pillow fort? I have a kid that drives and one that’s elementary aged. Between husband and eldest they will be doing take outs. I have my pantry stocked for them. Not sure about my dog or how more I could’ve cleaned and prepared
Items: 1. Meds Arnica 30x tablets & gel, bromelain 500mg, onadestron, miralax, laxative, gas relief, Aleve, cough drops, pedialyte pops 2. wound healing- non stick squares, Neosporin, medihoney gel and patches, cerave anti microbial soap and wipes, tegaderm, compression socks and nuvadermis scar tape. 3. comfort items- robes, high waisted period absorbent panties, button down sleep shirts, 12 soft camisoles, pack of yoga grip socks, 6 foot long hand sprayer and silk head wrap for my hair, back scratcher, feminine wipes, new slippers with sling backs.
I’m a pretty much pro at surgeries but I have a feeling I’m forgetting something. I’ve began miralax and went to a liquid diet today to avoid the too common unpleasant GI issues. Anything I already need or didn’t think about?
What the heck am I supposed to bring to wear home? I have a shorts/button up short sleeve cotton pj set, I guess a clean pair of undies I’d like to be sent home in and my yoga grip socks and a sports bra? Would that be okay?

submitted by LostinSOA to tummytucksurgery [link] [comments]

2023.04.03 21:55 Lexalaviosa My story and what should I do?

Hello everyone, I’m struggling with costo for 2 years.
I was a gym person, I was working on front of the computer 15 hours a day and it happened 1 week after my second covid shot. I don’t know what caused my costo, maybe all of these?
First few weeks of costochondritis I had very bad pains, went to hospital middle of the nights because I don’t be able to breathe freely. I wasn’t be able to eat, sleep etc. I immediately stopped my gym progress. It never happened after first few weeks.
I went more than 20 different doctors. Orthopedist, rheumatologist, chest surgeons, physical therapists. You name it.
Some of them gave me exercises, some of them pills or creams (Advil, Melox Fort, Aleve etc.) I used all of these pills more than they suggest, I ruin all of my stomach health but nothing helped.
5 months ago I went 2 different surgeons and asked for removing/cutting my infected ribs. They didn’t want to do that surgery, they just did some blood tests and scans and they said “anatomically you don’t have any problem, evenyou can go back to working out, there is nothing we can do here” so I’m still have this sickness.
For a long time I don’t have big pains or flare-ups if I compare it with my first days of costochondritis. But that soreness is always with me. When I press that spot on my chest it hurts and I feel like if I go back to the gym or if I carry something heavy one of that big flare-ups will come back.
I’m 26 and I’m tired of living like a 90 years old person.
I didn’t use any of that pills more than a year, and I’m using backpod and doing exercises for months. After starting these, my back soreness started like my chest.
Currently I’m taking vitamin D, turmeric curcumin, omega 3, magnesium and anti-depressants for my panic attack and anxiety. My pain is on my right side, I never thought I’m having heart crisis or something like that. I’ve always known something wrong with my bones. I think my anxiety is not affecting my costo.
I know I’m making progress because I’m absolutely better than my first days but something wrong, I feel like I’m stuck here. I need advices from you all, what should be my next step? It should not take that long. Should I go back to the gym and working out my back?
Especially I need advices from people who completely get rid of Costochondritis.
Sorry if I did writing mistakes, English is my second language.
Thank you for reading.

submitted by Lexalaviosa to costochondritis [link] [comments]

2022.04.19 10:06 DessaStrick Can Doctors Do Drug Screens Without Your Consent?

27F. 5’0 A few of my medical conditions: Factor 5 Liedens. Idiopathic Scoliosis. Multiple Epiphyseal Dysplasia with Spondylosis. Ankylosing Spondylitis. Adhesive Arachnoiditis. Cervical Dystonia.
A few of my meds: Xarelto. Oxycodone. Celebrex. Parafon Forte, (Humira, Methotrexate stopped for surgery), Tylenol, Lyrica, Amitryptylene
I was admitted to the hospital for a pulmonary embolism following a T1-T8 spinal fusion revision. All 5 of my revisions and initial operation happened within a year and a half, so I was put on a Pain Management contract so my spine surgeon didn’t have to keep worrying about my post operative pain after each one.
During my hospital admission, the attending physician refused to give me any pain medications and was treating me like an addict. My chart showing my recent surgery and actively stitched up spine apparently didn’t count enough. I explained to him my recent surgery, that I had a pain management contract (with this hospital so he could see what I was prescribed exactly) and it was going nowhere. I had been on oxycodone for almost a year straight at this point and what I only assume to be withdrawals started to kick in. He was a travel physician so he did not know I was a (newly) NP employed by this hospital but some of the nurses tried advocating for me as they recognized me. He then scolded me for “trying to manipulate the staff”. I decided to let it go and try to get out of the hospital ASAP.
I started having symptoms of a UTI, which wasn’t surprising, because I had a foley catheter in for 3 days following my spinal revision. I asked if we could run a urinalysis to CHECK FOR A UTI.
I found out from the notification from MyChart that he ran a urine drug screen without my permission. I would have had no problem if he would have asked. But I ran into a problem. My PM contract says if I have a neg screen for my prescribed medication, it’s in violation. I hadn’t had any of my medication in almost 48 hours. I was in a lot of pain, frustrated, having nearly uncontrollable diarrhea, throwing up, etc. I feel so betrayed. He used my UTI as an excuse to check me for being a drug addict.
I checked myself out AMA and have since gotten antibiotics (Macrobid) and Lovenox and my home pain medication. My heart rate is still going into the 150-160’s.
Was this even allowed? I thought you had to consent to testing if you are awake, alert, and oriented? I did sign the classic consent to treat upon admission. I’ve never hidden something like this from patients so I’ve never ran into this problem.
Thanks, All!

submitted by DessaStrick to AskDocs [link] [comments]

2021.11.10 22:24 JP1021 WebMD Kava Article Discussion

Hello kava lovers!
I took quite a bit of time today to dig into this. It's been a long running issue that when you type in "Kava" in google you get some dubious results on the first page. I'm taking it upon myself to list those here, and refute them where they have issues.
Search Results for "Kava" on google in incognito window.
Result 1: Webmd

Overview

Point 1: “Kava is a beverage or extract that is made from Piper methysticum, a plant native to the western Pacific islands. The name "kava" comes from the Polynesian word "awa," which means bitter. In the South Pacific, kava is a popular social drink. It is consumed as a beverage in ceremonies to promote relaxation.”

No issues with point one.

Point 2: “There have been some safety concerns about kava. Cases of liver damage and even some deaths have been traced to kava use. Because of these reports, kava was withdrawn from the market in Europe and Canada in the early 2000s. However, most countries have allowed kava to return to the market since that time. Kava has never been taken off the market in the U.S.”

And my issues start here. “Cases of liver damage and even some deaths have been traced to kava use” is a hotly contested conclusion, and rather inflammatory when such paltry evidence exists to support it. The paragraph then goes on to state “However, most countries have allowed kava to return to the market since that time.” My issue here is; why are we not seeing these cases of liver failures and injury in countries where it’s freely available today, if it’s as liver toxic as it was said to be?

Point 3: “Kava is most commonly used for anxiety. Some people take kava for stress, restlessness, sleeping problems (insomnia), and many other conditions. But there is no good scientific evidence to support these uses.”

“But there is no good scientific evidence to support these uses.” Hilariously they give quite good scientific evidence to support these uses directly in their references. Kava and kava extracts have been proven in double blind placebo controlled studies to reduce anxiety scores, and increase sleep duration/quality.
How does it work?

Point 1: “Kava affects the brain and other parts of the central nervous system. The kavalactones in kava are believed to be responsible for its effects.”

No issues with this. This has been demonstrated repeatedly in research.
Possibly Effective for

Point 1: “Anxiety. Most research shows that taking kava extracts that contain 70% kavalactones can lower anxiety and might work as well as some prescription anti-anxiety medications. Most studies have used a specific kava extract (WS 1490, Dr. Willmar Schwabe Pharmaceuticals). It seems that kava supplements containing at least 200 mg kavalactones daily should be taken for at least 5 weeks for symptoms to improve.”

Strangely, they just got finished saying there is no good scientific information on which to support these theories. Extra note: WS-1490 is an extract that has been embroiled in controversy. The extract is contested on the grounds that it was changed several times throughout the research periods from an ethanolic extract to an acetonic extract with no indication. You can see this by noting how the kavalactone percentage changes arbitrarily from 30% to 70%.
Possibly Ineffective for

Point 1: “A type of persistent anxiety marked by exaggerated worry and tension (generalized anxiety disorder or GAD). Several early studies show that taking kava doesn't improve symptoms in people with GAD.”

They conveniently don’t mark their sources in the article, but this one comes from Dr. Sarris in Australia in 2020. This research concluded that kava was more suitable for the reduction in stress and tension related to ‘situational’ anxiety, than it was for direct treatment of G.A.D.
Insufficient Evidence for

Point 1 “Withdrawal from drugs called benzodiazepines. Early research suggests that slowly increasing the dose of kava extract over the course of one week while decreasing the dose of benzodiazepines over the course of two weeks can prevent withdrawal symptoms and reduce anxiety in people who have been taking benzodiazepines for a long period of time.”

It can reduce anxiety, but the actual physical withdrawal is not treated by any action of the kavalactones themselves. It’s likely that the steady tapering of the BZP drug was what allowed these participants to cease their use with less acute withdrawal. Kava definitely helps, but it has different actions at the GABA-A receptor that are not similar to that of benzodiazepine drugs. Benzos target the BZP allosteric site on the GABA-A receptor where they exert their effect. Kava and flumazenil (a very potent anti-benzo or BZP antagonist) were administered at the same time in studies, and the effect of kava was not blocked.

Point 2 “Cancer. There is some early evidence that taking kava might help to prevent cancer.”

I would say this “insufficient evidence” is actually an order of magnitude more studied and documented than the “liver damage” at the very beginning of this article. I’ve added additional citations below this papers citations, and I stopped citing at 12 research studies that show anti-cancer effects.

Point 3 “Insomnia. Research on the effectiveness of kava in people with sleeping problems is inconsistent. Some research shows that taking kava extract daily for 4 weeks reduces sleeping problems in people with anxiety disorders. But other research suggests that taking kava three times daily for 4 weeks does not reduce insomnia in people with anxiety.”

The World Health organization monograph (2002) describes insomnia as a state supported by clinical data. This is generally accepted, however there were participants in studies on kava that dropped out due to insomnia complaints. While kava is overall a good fit for sleep issues, it likely won’t present that way to 100% of the people who drink it. We actually do see people complain about not being able to get to sleep after a strong kava. I say this to agree with the above paragraph where it states the research is inconsistent. It helps me with sleep, but that doesn’t mean it will be the same for everyone.

Point 4 “Symptoms of menopause. Early research shows that taking kava daily for 3 months might reduce depression, anxiety, and hot flashes.”

While maybe insufficient, there is good evidence to support this. Two individual studies found improvement in mood, reduction in depression, and reduction in anxiety in perimenopausal individuals.

Point 5 “Stress. Early research suggests that taking a single dose of kava by mouth might reduce symptoms associated with mentally stressful tasks.”

This is an odd one to say has insufficient evidence. A number of researchers including Münte, Sarris, Cropley, and Aporosa have found kava reduces symptoms associated with mentally stressful tasks.

Point 6 “Seizure disorder (epilepsy).”

This is in line with reality. We only see glimpses into kava’s ability to modulate glutamate. Kavain was shown to inhibit veratridine-activated sodium channels. It’s possible that kava may help reduce seizures, but as said, there is insufficient evidence to say it precisely.

Point 7 “Muscle pain.”

This I don’t agree with, and it’s a strange one to be saying there’s insufficient evidence for. Kava has marked antinociceptive (pain relieving) and muscle-relaxing properties. A good number of independent research studies have confirmed this.

Point 8 “Other conditions”

I’m not really sure what to say here. I suppose it’s quite accurate to say that there is insufficient evidence for kava causing superhero-like powers to emerge.
Side Effects

Paragraph 1 “When taken by mouth: Kava is POSSIBLY SAFE when taken for up to 6 months. Using kava can make you unable to drive or operate machinery safely. Do not take kava before you plan on driving. "Driving-under-the-influence" citations have been issued to people driving erratically after drinking large amounts of kava tea.”

This is good, and goes pretty far based on the double blind placebo controlled studies. The one issue I have is the 6 month limit. There really isn’t any indication that taking kava beyond this time frame causes issues, it’s just when they cut the time limit of the study. Empirical evidence suggests kava, when consumed as a beverage, is safe indefinitely as shown by the South Pacific people who drink kava on a daily basis and have for generations. In regards to driving, I fully agree. If you’re consuming anything that makes you question your abilities with driving, call an ubelyft.The risk is simply not worth it.

Paragraph 2 “People may have heard that use of kava can cause liver damage. The use of kava for as little as 1-3 months has resulted in the need for liver transplants and even death in some people. Early symptoms of liver damage include yellowed eyes and skin (jaundice), fatigue, and dark urine. But these cases appear to be relatively rare. Most people who have used kava have not experienced liver toxicity. Also, some experts believe that the liver toxicity seen in these cases cannot be directly linked to kava. Other factors may have contributed to these toxic effects. To be on the safe side, people who choose to use kava can get liver function tests.”

That’s pretty honest, however the phrase “The use of kava for as little as 1-3 months has resulted in the need for liver transplants and even death in some people” really understates “some people”. The number of individuals allegedly harmed by kava is limited to less than 10. There has been no intrinsic (unable to be separated) toxicity seen in kava or any kava extracts, however idiosyncratic reactions of the immunologic type have occurred. This is extremely rare. I can’t say that enough. We’re talking on the scale of winning the lottery, being hit by lightning, and finding Jimmy Hoffa all at the same instant. If we turn our attention to things such as green tea extracts or acetaminophen we see intrinsic, predictable toxicity to the liver. This does not exist with kava.
Special Precautions and Warnings

Point 1 “Pregnancy and breast-feeding: Don't use kava if you are pregnant or breast-feeding. Kava is POSSIBLY UNSAFE when taken by mouth. There is a concern that it might affect the uterus. Also, some of the dangerous chemicals in kava can pass into breast milk and might hurt a breast-fed infant.”

They’re speaking about kavalactones, and they’re not “dangerous chemicals” however we don't fully understand the function of GABAergic substances on the developing brain. Kavalactones are known as lipophilic, meaning they tend to combine or dissolve in fats. This means they could likely also pass on through breastfeeding. There is no data confirming this suspicion, however with no experience available, kava is not recommended for use by pregnant or breast-feeding women. It’s much better to err on the side of caution. In regards to kava affecting the uterus, I’m afraid there is absolutely nothing confirming this. It’s an old myth from Fiji that kava stimulates the uterus, this doesn’t happen, and shouldn’t be listed as a precaution. Histopathology was performed on rats at 2.0g/kg of kavalactones and found no-effect level on the uterus. (2012. “Toxicology and Carcinogenesis Studies of Kava Kava Extract (CAS No. 9000-38-8) in F344/N Rats and B6C3F1 Mice (gavage Studies).” National Toxicology Program 571 (1): 1–186. https://ntp.niehs.nih.gov/publications/reports/t500s/tr571/index.html)

Point 2 “Liver disease: Kava might cause liver problems, even in healthy people. People who have a history of liver problems should avoid kava.”

Well this sounds familiar. This will be the 3rd time this website has decided it was pertinent to warn us of liver damage. What they’ll throw at you sometimes is the instance of GGT elevation in metabolism tests seen in kava users in the late 80s and early 90s in Australia's Northern Territory. This is NOT indicative of liver damage. It indicates liver adaptation and is seen in kava drinkers that consume about a pound of dried kava per week. AST and ALT increases are not seen. I would even go as far to say here that kava is not even detrimental to those with liver problems. Kava is not intrinsically toxic to the liver in any way.

Point 3 “Parkinson disease: Kava might make Parkinson disease worse. Do not take kava if you have this condition.”

This one is interesting. You have research on one side saying kava has no or very little activity at dopamine, then you have other research indicating that some kavalactones drop dopamine levels considerably. The one kavalactone in question here is Yangonin. Yangonin has shown in research to lower dopamine to below detectable levels. I personally believe that this is happening evidenced by the extrapyramidal movements seen in kava drinkers that went way overboard. They end up looking like they have parkinsons. If you are on medication such as levodopa that is specifically meant to increase free dopamine levels in the brain, kava can counteract this effect and cause the resurgence of parkinson's symptoms. So yes, I agree with this statement. If you have parkinsons it’s best to skip the kava.

Point 4 “Surgery: Kava affects the central nervous system. It might increase the effects of anesthesia and other medications used during and after surgery. Stop using kava at least 2 weeks before a scheduled surgery.”

This is not talked about very much but should be taken into close consideration when approaching a surgery. Kava has many properties that haven’t been studied all that intensively. Kava has shown to have some mild antithrombotic actions. This means it may be able to prevent, to a degree, blood clotting. Give yourself at least a week if not two before any surgery to let your system flush out. Kava has also been shown to increase the sedation of anesthetic drugs. You’ll want to observe this just to be on the safe side.
Major Interactions

Point 1 Alprazolam “Kava can cause drowsiness. Alprazolam (Xanax) can also cause drowsiness. Taking kava along with alprazolam (Xanax) may cause too much drowsiness. Avoid taking kava and alprazolam (Xanax) together.”

Agreed

Point 2 “Kava might cause sleepiness and drowsiness. Medications that cause sleepiness are called sedatives. Taking kava along with sedative medications might cause too much sleepiness.Some sedative medications include clonazepam (Klonopin), lorazepam (Ativan), phenobarbital (Donnatal), zolpidem (Ambien), and others.

Agreed as well. Sedation seems to be the pharmacodynamic interaction here.
Moderate Interactions

Point 1 “Levodopa interacts with KAVA - Levodopa affects the brain by increasing a brain chemical called dopamine. Kava might decrease dopamine in the brain. Taking kava along with levodopa might decrease the effectiveness of levodopa.”

I believe this to be correct. Levodopa is a medication meant to increase the levels of dopamine in the brain. Yangonin can decrease dopamine levels in the brain and counteract this medication.

Point 2 “Medications changed by the liver (Cytochrome P450 1A2 (CYP1A2) substrates) interact with KAVA - Some medications are changed and broken down by the liver.- Kava might decrease how quickly the liver breaks down some medications. Taking kava along with some medications that are changed by the liver might increase the effects and side effects of some medications. Before taking kava talk to your healthcare provider if you take any medications that are changed by the liver. Some of these medications that are changed by the liver include clozapine (Clozaril), cyclobenzaprine (Flexeril), fluvoxamine (Luvox), haloperidol (Haldol), imipramine (Tofranil), mexiletine (Mexitil), olanzapine (Zyprexa), pentazocine (Talwin), propranolol (Inderal), tacrine (Cognex), theophylline, zileuton (Zyflo), zolmitriptan (Zomig), and others.

This is also correct. CYP1A2 is the pathway of metabolization for caffeine. Kava causes inhibitory actions at this pathway and as such causes caffeine to appear in serum levels for much longer than without kava in the system. The individual effect of this combination may differ from person to person. CYP1A2 activity has a range of 40% between individuals. As such it’s quite difficult to make predictions of which drugs will do what when this pathway is inhibited.

Point 3 “Medications changed by the liver (Cytochrome P450 2C19 (CYP2C19) substrates) interact with KAVA - Some medications are changed and broken down by the liver Kava might decrease how quickly the liver breaks down some medications. Taking kava along with some medications that are broken down by the liver can increase the effects and side effects of your medication. Before taking kava talk to your healthcare provider if you take any medications that are changed by the liver. Some of these medications changed by the liver include amitriptyline (Elavil), clomipramine (Anafranil), cyclophosphamide (Cytoxan), diazepam (Valium), lansoprazole (Prevacid), omeprazole (Prilosec), lansoprazole (Protonix), phenytoin (Dilantin), phenobarbital (Luminal), progesterone, and others.

Correct as well; however, issues at this cytochrome with drugs that use this pathway are not heavily researched in regards to kava. They generally encompass the sedative effects and their increase when in combination with the drugs above. Caution should still be taken when combining these drugs with kava as it will likely make them stay in your system for considerably longer periods of time. DMY seems to be the most potent inhibitory kavalactone in this regard.

Point 4 “Medications changed by the liver (Cytochrome P450 2C9 (CYP2C9) substrates) interacts with KAVA - Some medications are changed and broken down by the liver. Kava might decrease how quickly the liver breaks down some medications. Taking kava along with some medications that are broken down by the liver can increase the effects and side effects of some medications. Before taking kava talk to your healthcare provider if you take any medications that are changed by the liver. Some medications that are changed by the liver include amitriptyline (Elavil), diazepam (Valium), zileuton (Zyflo), celecoxib (Celebrex), diclofenac (Voltaren), fluvastatin (Lescol), glipizide (Glucotrol), ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin), irbesartan (Avapro), losartan (Cozaar), phenytoin (Dilantin), piroxicam (Feldene), tamoxifen (Nolvadex), tolbutamide (Tolinase), torsemide (Demadex), warfarin (Coumadin), and others.

This inhibition was seen strongest with methysticin, the number 6 on chemotypes. The effect seen with methysticin was low, with only 1% of the strength of their positive control (Sulfaphenazole). I truly believe this would not have a strong impact on drugs that also use this pathway being kava/kavalactones have such a low affinity for it.

Point 5 “Medications changed by the liver (Cytochrome P450 2D6 (CYP2D6) substrates) interact with KAVA - Some medications are changed and broken down by the liver. Kava might decrease how quickly the liver breaks down some medications. Taking kava along with some medications that are change by the liver can increase the effects and side effects of your medication. Before taking kava talk to your healthcare provider if you take any medications that are changed by the liver. Some medications that are changed by the liver include amitriptyline (Elavil), clozapine (Clozaril), codeine, desipramine (Norpramin), donepezil (Aricept), fentanyl (Duragesic), flecainide (Tambocor), fluoxetine (Prozac), meperidine (Demerol), methadone (Dolophine), metoprolol (Lopressor, Toprol XL), olanzapine (Zyprexa), ondansetron (Zofran), tramadol (Ultram), trazodone (Desyrel), and others.

This is incorrect. Kava has no inhibition property at this cytochrome even at absurdly high concentrations, and as such this is wrong.

Point 6 “Medications changed by the liver (Cytochrome P450 2E1 (CYP2E1) substrates) interact with KAVA - Some medications are changed and broken down by the liver. Kava might decrease how quickly the liver breaks down some medications. Taking kava along with some medications that are change by the liver can increase the effects and side effects of your medication. Before taking kava talk to your healthcare provider if you take any medications that are changed by the liver.Some medications that are changed by the liver include acetaminophen, chlorzoxazone (Parafon Forte), ethanol, theophylline, and drugs used for anesthesia during surgery such as enflurane (Ethrane), halothane (Fluothane), isoflurane (Forane), and methoxyflurane (Penthrane).

Again methysticin is the only kavalactone shown to interact with this cytochrome and it does it quite weakly. I wouldn’t suspect any immediate issues with drugs that use this pathway combined with kava.

Point 7 “Medications changed by the liver (Cytochrome P450 3A4 (CYP3A4) substrates) interact with KAVA - Some medications are changed and broken down by the liver. Kava might decrease how quickly the liver breaks down some medications. Taking kava along with some medications that are broken down by the liver can increase the effects and side effects of some medications. Before taking kava, talk to your healthcare provider if you are taking any medications that are changed by the liver. Some medications changed by the liver include lovastatin (Mevacor), ketoconazole (Nizoral), itraconazole (Sporanox), fexofenadine (Allegra), triazolam (Halcion), and many others.

This effect, if present, will be very light. Kava has shown very slight inhibitory properties at CYP3A4 with methysticin being the most potent inhibitor. Methysticin has shown to be about 1% the inhibitory properties of their positive control, Ketoconazole. I would not expect major interactions with pharmaceuticals along this pathway with kava.

Point 8 “Medications moved by pumps in cells (P-Glycoprotein Substrates) interacts with KAVA - Some medications are moved by pumps in cells. Kava might make these pumps less active and increase how much of some medications get absorbed by the body. This might increase the amount of some medications in the body, which could lead to more side effects. But there is not enough information to know if this is a big concern. Some medications that are moved by these pumps include etoposide, paclitaxel, vinblastine, vincristine, vindesine, ketoconazole, itraconazole, amprenavir, indinavir, nelfinavir, saquinavir, cimetidine, ranitidine, diltiazem, verapamil, corticosteroids, erythromycin, cisapride (Propulsid), fexofenadine (Allegra), cyclosporine, loperamide (Imodium), quinidine, and others.”

A single dose of 800mg kavain gave a serum concentration level of 40ng/ml or .1um. This plasma level is unlikely to cause any significant inhibition of P-gp in vivo. Also, 800mg of kavain is quite unlikely to be consumed at once in a typical kava consuming session. The likelihood of inhibition here is very low. Results obtained in vitro vs in vivo were contradictory.

Point 9 “Medications that can harm the liver (Hepatotoxic drugs) interact with KAVA - Kava might harm the liver. Taking kava along with medication that might also harm the liver can increase the risk of liver damage. Do not take kava if you are taking a medication that can harm the liver. Some medications that can harm the liver include acetaminophen (Tylenol and others), amiodarone (Cordarone), carbamazepine (Tegretol), isoniazid (INH), methotrexate (Rheumatrex), methyldopa (Aldomet), fluconazole (Diflucan), itraconazole (Sporanox), erythromycin (Erythrocin, Ilosone, others), phenytoin (Dilantin), lovastatin (Mevacor), pravastatin (Pravachol), simvastatin (Zocor), and many others.”

It should be obvious to limit the intake of liver toxic compounds, however some of them are rather ubiquitous. Acetaminophen, also known as APAP, Panadol, Paracetamol, and Tylenol is a potent hepatotoxic drug due to its metabolites. Kava likely does not interact with these drugs other than APAP. There is research leaning to indicate that the combination of APAP and kava should be avoided on the issue of glutathione degradation. IF kava does indeed reduce glutathione levels, mixing it with APAP would increase its toxicity.
Dosing
Paragraph 1 “By Mouth: For anxiety: 50-100 mg of a specific kava extract (WS 1490, Dr. Willmar Schwabe Pharmaceuticals), taken three times daily for up to 25 weeks, has been used. Also, 400 mg of another specific kava extract (LI 150, Lichtwer Pharma) taken daily for 8 weeks has been used. Five kava tablets each containing 50 mg of kavalactones have been taken in three divided doses daily for one week. One to two kava extract tablets has been taken twice daily for 6 weeks. Calcium supplements plus 100-200 mg of kava taken daily for 3 months have also been used.”
This really doesn’t tell us anything to go by for our own personal dosing. In truth, there is no recommended dosage for powdered kava. These dosage recommendations come from several studies as well as the German Commission E. I take it that these numbers indicate the minimum amount of kavalactones it requires to see any effect without seeing intoxication. Seeing that many of us aim for intoxication these numbers are simply meaningless.

Citations Removed for length. See kavaforums post for full citations.
Kavaforums Discussion Thread: https://kavaforums.com/forum/threads/webmds-article-on-kava.19070/

submitted by JP1021 to Kava [link] [comments]

2020.12.06 15:22 TwklDthBnnyTwkl Should I be getting a follow up?

22f 5'7 250lbs, smoker, marijuana user, social drinker. Currently on gabapentin, parafon forte, effexor, abilify, advair, Chantix. DX of occipital neuralgia, asthma, depression.
Last Friday while at the trampoline park with my family I sprained my foot (Xrays showed no fractures.) Its been 9 days and I'm still having almost as much difficulty walking as I did the day it happened iqncluding very sharp precise pain at the base of the 5th metarsal. There isn't much swelling and minimal brusing. I should note that there was a pop.
How long should the pain last. I've sprained the same ankle and foot a few times over the course of my life and never had issues this far out afterward. If it was a completely torn tendon I wouldn't be able to walk right?

submitted by TwklDthBnnyTwkl to AskDocs [link] [comments]

2019.06.25 07:50 CreepyDrBob Deadline

I was still wearing my work uniform when I came to on my bathroom floor. Vomit covered my shirt, my throat was raw, and a gymnast was doing flips in my stomach. After worshipping some more at the porcelain god, I noticed a certain stench that told me I had also dirtied my diapers.
After I spewed my guts into the toilet, I began to feel the full weight of my truly toxic hangover. I was shaking and could feel my heartbeat in my head. When I rinsed my mouth out, I saw that my eyes looked like a McDonald's sign, all yellow and red. Then I had a flashback to something horrible, a blood-soaked face that was so smashed and torn up it didn't even look human. The more I struggled to remember, the less sense anything made. A black monster, like death itself. I told myself that it was just a hangover delusion, like seeing pink elephants.
What day was it? My phone was still in my pocket. Today was only Saturday. I tried thinking back to last night, and not much past work was there. The boss kept me late Friday Night to do a rush four-wheel brake job and four new 37 inch Goodyear Wrangler tires on a Dodge Ram 1500 4x4 that was too pretty to have ever seen real mud. It was another rainy May Fort Worth evening. I stopped at Walmart on the way home and refreshed my supply for the weekend, and was soaked by the time I climbed back in my truck. I popped a few Xanax and washed it down with a pull from a vodka bottle before leaving the parking lot to get a couple of Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburgers for dinner. After that, blackness.
I staggered into the kitchen. Every sound made my head throb. The light from the refrigerator crippled my eyes, but I quickly found what I was looking for. I mixed pickle juice, a can of Coors, and Pepsi in a quart cup and pounded it down with four Aleve liquid gels and a vitamin B tablet. Then I poured myself a second and lit a joint.
As I took a deep toke on the doobie, I noticed through the kitchen window that my truck was parked in the back yard, covered in a tarp. That was wrong. It should have been parked along the side of the house.
When I pulled the tarp off, my heart sank. The hood and grill were a mess. Blood had mixed with the bird poop on my truck's white paint, making a sickening concrete. At first, I thought I might only have hit a dog. I even found animal hair on the hood, but then I found dark threads of material too. My mind played the tape of the grim reaper suddenly appearing in the middle of the road and flying onto the hood of my truck. When I saw black threads on my grill, I saw the horribly mangled face again. Blood poured, and teeth showed through gaping holes in its flesh.
The idea of what I must have done made me sick, but my going to prison wouldn't help them. I had to figure a way out of this mess.
I had seen enough old Dragnet episodes on YouTube to know what would happen next. The police would figure out what kind of truck it was from what I left at the scene of the accident. It wouldn't take them long to come up with a list of suspect vehicles in the area. They would check them all. Uncle Willy's scrapyard car crusher seemed like an easy solution to my problem, but if I couldn't produce my truck, the cops would instantly make me the number one suspect.
As I smoked the joint, I had an idea. What if my truck didn't look like it had been in an accident? A ray of hope swelled within me. All I would have to do is change the front bumper, header panel, grill, radiator, hood, headlights, windshield cowl, driver's side door panel, driver's side mirror, and the wipers. That was stuff I could do blindfolded, and I had the tools. All I needed was the parts.
They couldn't be just any parts. Everything had to look as cruddy as the rest of my truck. I pulled out my phone and started searching Craigslist. There I struck gold - a ringer for my truck with a blown cylinder head, failing transmission, and one of everything I needed.
When I called, the owner said his name was Carl, and the truck was in a landscaping company's rock and gravel yard in White Settlement, about half an hour away. I loaded up some tools and supplies and hopped on my Yamaha.
I went to the yard office. Carl was a bald man with a flushed face wearing a Deadpool T-shirt that read "I'm Sorry. Did I offend you?" Behind his desk was a feral hog head on the wall that looked just like him. I smiled.
"Like the shirt? My boys got it for my birthday," he said. He seemed very proud of it.
Carl had some skinny Mexican kid named Pablo take me out back to show me the pickup. It had been their yard truck, used to move tons of gravel, stones, and bricks from the storage areas to the customers. One of the spark plugs was blown clean out of the head. The engine was so rough that it sounded like the muffler was gone and it shifted erratically. I talked Carl down to $500 cash.
The transmission was dying so I mixed brake fluid in the transmission fluid to swell the seals and topped it off. Standard Ford truck spark plugs are threaded M14x1.25 mm, so I drilled it out and screwed in an insert, and secured it with Loc-Tite. Both the spark plug and the brake fluid would only last a few hundred miles, but I only needed it to limp across town. After putting my license plates on, I lowered the tailgate to load my dirtbike in the bed of the truck. "Let me help you," a voice with an odd accent said behind me.
I turned and looked. It was a priest, a small man with glasses, a grey beard and a cane in long, black clothes. His eyes were gentle and persuasive. "No, I got this," I answered.
"Please. You need my help."
I pulled back on the bike, getting the front tire and forks on the truck. "Don't need you," I said as I hauled the rear end up and laid it down. Why would an old man like that want to get his fancy clothes dirty helping me? When I looked up to ask him, he had disappeared. Just as well. He gave me the creeps.
The truck ran so rough I decided to limp it home on the back streets. As I drove, I realized that I should try to be seen someplace. My truck couldn't have been in an accident if the store cameras showed me driving it. I went to the drive-in at Jack in the Box and then hit my regular O'Reilly Auto Parts store, parking right by the window so the register cameras would read my license plate while I bought new windshield wipers. That way, I would have credit card receipts proving where I was. I even made a point of telling Pepe the manager how bad my truck was running so he would remember me.
I tossed my bag in the truck, climbed in, and then the damn thing wouldn't start. When I got out of the cab and opened the hood, that old priest in black walked over, led by a German Shepherd that looked as big as he was. "What are you doing, following me," I said to him.
"Please, let me help you," he said. "You have a far bigger problem than you think."
I looked at the battery terminals. They were disgustingly corroded. "I'm a mechanic. I can fix this."
"No," he said. "You aren't listening. You really need help."
"I don't need your help. I don't want your help. Get lost. I got this."
Part of me wanted to ask him why he was so anxious to help me, but when I looked up, he had vanished again. Relieved, I put him out of my mind and got some baking soda and hydrogen peroxide from a grocery store to clean the terminals. In ten minutes, I was motoring home.
It was almost 2:00 by then. I knew the repairs would take all night long, so I stopped at Nachos, my favorite unlicensed pharmacy. I rolled up to his trailer and knocked on his door. "My friend," he said. "Come in."
Even back in High School, Nachos was always smoking weed and eating nachos and cheese. That's why his name stuck. His place reeked like the crack in Bob Marley's ass, but his pharmacy was well stocked and was open 24/7. I reached into my pocket and flashed a fifty dollar bill. "I am looking to make change. I got ten nickels. I need three quarters."
Nachos nodded with understanding. I wanted to buy three quarter gram bags of meth to gear me up enough to work all night and a bit more to crank my motor in the morning. "That's a bit odd change, my friend. A quarter is worth five nickels."
"Quantity discount for an old friend."
He thought it over, but my $50 bill was too tempting. Finally, he snatched it and tossed me the bags. "You make me go broke giving you charity."
The truck started this time but kept slipping out of gear. I cursed at it as I felt around on the shift lever for reverse. Then I heard the dog huffing and chuffing. It was sitting calmly while the priest looked at me like I was a hurt child. "Please, let me help you."
"You're following me! I got everything under control."
"You are wasting time, and everything you are doing is only making it worse. They are waiting for you at headquarters. Please save yourself and confess."
This guy was nuts if he thought I was going to the cops and hang myself. "Just get away and stay away, or else."
I tried the shift lever for a moment, and when I looked up, he vanished again. He was definitely creeping me out, but I didn't have time to think about it.
It was a darn shame to waste all that good pookie working, but by 3:00 in the morning, I had transplanted the parts. Then I chopped up anything incriminating and tossed it in a dozen trash bins as I drove the donor truck to my Uncle's yard.
The old man tried again on my way to work. I stopped at a red light, and he just popped out of nowhere, knocking on the window and shouting. "You must stop. It's almost too late. Confess now, while you still can." As soon as the signal turned green, I moved on.
By the time I reached work, that quarter gram of crank wasn't doing it for me. Naturally, I grabbed myself a cup of coffee from the waiting area. I glanced at the headlines from the Sunday Star-Telegram as I sipped the coffee.

Priest Killed in Hit-and-Run

Father Ivan Belenki
Police are looking for a hit-and-run suspect who struck and killed a priest and his dog Friday night in Fort Worth.
The collision occurred around 11 p.m. on the Jacksonboro Highway, Fort Worth police officers said.
The victim, identified as 53-year-old Very Reverend Ivan Belenki from nearby Holy Trinity Ukrainian Orthodox Church, was pronounced dead at the scene.
Belenki and his dog were crossing Jacksonboro Highway at 21st Street in the crosswalk after walking his dog in Rockwood Park, police said. Witnesses said the truck did not slow for the red light and drove away from the scene. The vehicle was described as a white Ford pickup truck.
Community members described Father Belenki as a great man who cared for the sick and poor of all faiths and also as a loving husband and father.
Belenki is survived by his wife, four children, and two great-grandchildren.
Police have not determined whether speed or impairment played a role in the crash, the release said.
I stared at the picture in the newspaper. It was the same priest I had seen this morning. That was impossible.
Joel, my boss, turned to me. "Awful, isn't that? A priest and all."
"Unbelievable, just unbelievable." I turned away and downed my coffee. The idiot shouldn't have been wearing all black at night to walk his dog.
He just stood in front of the service bay, but now he seemed to be trying to talk to me but couldn't. My first job was an oil change on a Mercedes. It should have been goldbricking, but somehow him staring at me made it slow torture. People walked and drove right through him as if he wasn't even there. I figured he was a ghost that only I could see. As much as he wanted to get me, I knew my truck was in the parking lot and didn't have a mark on it.
I was doing a four wheel alignment on an Audi when Joel stepped from the register and into the service bay. "Brian, can you step inside?"
"Sure boss," I said, sneaking a last glance at my truck as I put my tools down and plastered my best clueless face on, even though I knew what was happening next.
Just like I figured, two detectives were inside. They showed their badges and ID cards. "I am detective Kuipers. This is detective Sanchez. We're with the Fort Worth Police department. Are you Brian Echols?"
"Yup. What can I do for you?"
"Do you own a white Ford truck? License plate BGR 2435."
I shrugged. "Sounds about right."
"Where is it?"
I pointed. "Back of the lot."
"Will you show us," Sanchez said.
I started walking outside, figuring my truck would do my talking. Then I caught a glance of it as I walked out. Not two minutes before, it looked like I was going to sell it, all cleaned and waxed. Now, it was lying on the driver's side, smashed up. I looked around and saw him, standing with his dog. "You did this," I shouted in rage.
"No, you did. I'm so sorry. I tried to help you."
"You killed him," said Kuipers. "You ran him down when you blew the light on Jonesborough Highway, then you hit the guard rail and flew into Rockwood Park and rolled."
"That can't be. I am here."
"No, you aren't." In the blink of an eye, the world turned to night. A cold rain was sprinkling down. I was standing in the park. Suddenly my truck ran over the rail and rolled down the hill. A big black man with dreadlocks and two pit bulls ran over, shining his phone flashlight inside the cab before dialing 911.
"The disfigured face you saw. It was yourself. You were holding that handle of vodka while you were driving. When you hit the guard rail, the airbag deployed and shot the bottle through your head like a bullet. It smashed your face and broke your neck. When the truck rolled on its side, gravity turned you towards your side view mirror. You saw yourself in the light of that gentleman's phone as you died."
"I didn't want my death to be the cause of your eternal destruction," said Father Belenki. "I begged them for a chance to redeem you."
"The chief gave him one day, 24 hours," Sanchez said. "You experienced what one day of life would be like if you hadn't died and you blew it. If you had tried to go to the cops and confess, the prosecutors would have let you cut a plea for a lighter sentence."
"Don't I get a lawyer, don't I get a trial?"
"Too late," Sanchez said, grabbing my wrists and slapping the cuffs on. "You testified against yourself. Everything you ever did, every word you said, your whole story has been recorded at headquarters."
"Let me repent now, please. I will, I will. I promise."
Father Belenki shook his head. "I am sorry, my son. There comes a time for all of us when it is too late to repent, and I am afraid your deadline has passed."

submitted by CreepyDrBob to mrcreeps [link] [comments]

2019.06.25 07:42 CreepyDrBob Deadline

I was still wearing my work uniform when I came to on my bathroom floor. Vomit covered my shirt, my throat was raw, and a gymnast was doing flips in my stomach. After worshipping some more at the porcelain god, I noticed a certain stench that told me I had also dirtied my diapers.

After I spewed my guts into the toilet, I began to feel the full weight of my truly toxic hangover. I was shaking and could feel my heartbeat in my head. When I rinsed my mouth out, I saw that my eyes looked like a McDonald's sign, all yellow and red. Then I had a flashback to something horrible, a blood-soaked face that was so smashed and torn up it didn't even look human. The more I struggled to remember, the less sense anything made. A black monster, like death itself. I told myself that it was just a hangover delusion, like seeing pink elephants.

What day was it? My phone was still in my pocket. Today was only Saturday. I tried thinking back to last night, and not much past work was there. The boss kept me late Friday Night to do a rush four-wheel brake job and four new 37 inch Goodyear Wrangler tires on a Dodge Ram 1500 4x4 that was too pretty to have ever seen real mud. It was another rainy May Fort Worth evening. I stopped at Walmart on the way home and refreshed my supply for the weekend, and was soaked by the time I climbed back in my truck. I popped a few Xanax and washed it down with a pull from a vodka bottle before leaving the parking lot to get a couple of Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburgers for dinner. After that, blackness.

I staggered into the kitchen. Every sound made my head throb. The light from the refrigerator crippled my eyes, but I quickly found what I was looking for. I mixed pickle juice, a can of Coors, and Pepsi in a quart cup and pounded it down with four Aleve liquid gels and a vitamin B tablet. Then I poured myself a second and lit a joint.

As I took a deep toke on the doobie, I noticed through the kitchen window that my truck was parked in the back yard, covered in a tarp. That was wrong. It should have been parked along the side of the house.

When I pulled the tarp off, my heart sank. The hood and grill were a mess. Blood had mixed with the bird poop on my truck's white paint, making a sickening concrete. At first, I thought I might only have hit a dog. I even found animal hair on the hood, but then I found dark threads of material too. My mind played the tape of the grim reaper suddenly appearing in the middle of the road and flying onto the hood of my truck. When I saw black threads on my grill, I saw the horribly mangled face again. Blood poured, and teeth showed through gaping holes in its flesh.

The idea of what I must have done made me sick, but my going to prison wouldn't help them. I had to figure a way out of this mess.

I had seen enough old Dragnet episodes on YouTube to know what would happen next. The police would figure out what kind of truck it was from what I left at the scene of the accident. It wouldn't take them long to come up with a list of suspect vehicles in the area. They would check them all. Uncle Willy's scrapyard car crusher seemed like an easy solution to my problem, but if I couldn't produce my truck, the cops would instantly make me the number one suspect.

As I smoked the joint, I had an idea. What if my truck didn't look like it had been in an accident? A ray of hope swelled within me. All I would have to do is change the front bumper, header panel, grill, radiator, hood, headlights, windshield cowl, driver's side door panel, driver's side mirror, and the wipers. That was stuff I could do blindfolded, and I had the tools. All I needed was the parts.

They couldn't be just any parts. Everything had to look as cruddy as the rest of my truck. I pulled out my phone and started searching Craigslist. There I struck gold - a ringer for my truck with a blown cylinder head, failing transmission, and one of everything I needed.

When I called, the owner said his name was Carl, and the truck was in a landscaping company's rock and gravel yard in White Settlement, about half an hour away. I loaded up some tools and supplies and hopped on my Yamaha.

I went to the yard office. Carl was a bald man with a flushed face wearing a Deadpool T-shirt that read "I'm Sorry. Did I offend you?" Behind his desk was a feral hog head on the wall that looked just like him. I smiled.

"Like the shirt? My boys got it for my birthday," he said. He seemed very proud of it.

Carl had some skinny Mexican kid named Pablo take me out back to show me the pickup. It had been their yard truck, used to move tons of gravel, stones, and bricks from the storage areas to the customers. One of the spark plugs was blown clean out of the head. The engine was so rough that it sounded like the muffler was gone and it shifted erratically. I talked Carl down to $500 cash.

The transmission was dying so I mixed brake fluid in the transmission fluid to swell the seals and topped it off. Standard Ford truck spark plugs are threaded M14x1.25 mm, so I drilled it out and screwed in an insert, and secured it with Loc-Tite. Both the spark plug and the brake fluid would only last a few hundred miles, but I only needed it to limp across town. After putting my license plates on, I lowered the tailgate to load my dirtbike in the bed of the truck. "Let me help you," a voice with an odd accent said behind me.

I turned and looked. It was a priest, a small man with glasses, a grey beard and a cane in long, black clothes. His eyes were gentle and persuasive. "No, I got this," I answered.

"Please. You need my help."

I pulled back on the bike, getting the front tire and forks on the truck. "Don't need you," I said as I hauled the rear end up and laid it down. Why would an old man like that want to get his fancy clothes dirty helping me? When I looked up to ask him, he had disappeared. Just as well. He gave me the creeps.

The truck ran so rough I decided to limp it home on the back streets. As I drove, I realized that I should try to be seen someplace. My truck couldn't have been in an accident if the store cameras showed me driving it. I went to the drive-in at Jack in the Box and then hit my regular O'Reilly Auto Parts store, parking right by the window so the register cameras would read my license plate while I bought new windshield wipers. That way, I would have credit card receipts proving where I was. I even made a point of telling Pepe the manager how bad my truck was running so he would remember me.

I tossed my bag in the truck, climbed in, and then the damn thing wouldn't start. When I got out of the cab and opened the hood, that old priest in black walked over, led by a German Shepherd that looked as big as he was. "What are you doing, following me," I said to him.

"Please, let me help you," he said. "You have a far bigger problem than you think."

I looked at the battery terminals. They were disgustingly corroded. "I'm a mechanic. I can fix this."

"No," he said. "You aren't listening. You really need help."

"I don't need your help. I don't want your help. Get lost. I got this."

Part of me wanted to ask him why he was so anxious to help me, but when I looked up, he had vanished again. Relieved, I put him out of my mind and got some baking soda and hydrogen peroxide from a grocery store to clean the terminals. In ten minutes, I was motoring home.

It was almost 2:00 by then. I knew the repairs would take all night long, so I stopped at Nachos, my favorite unlicensed pharmacy. I rolled up to his trailer and knocked on his door. "My friend," he said. "Come in."

Even back in High School, Nachos was always smoking weed and eating nachos and cheese. That's why his name stuck. His place reeked like the crack in Bob Marley's ass, but his pharmacy was well stocked and was open 24/7. I reached into my pocket and flashed a fifty dollar bill. "I am looking to make change. I got ten nickels. I need three quarters."

Nachos nodded with understanding. I wanted to buy three quarter gram bags of meth to gear me up enough to work all night and a bit more to crank my motor in the morning. "That's a bit odd change, my friend. A quarter is worth five nickels."

"Quantity discount for an old friend."

He thought it over, but my $50 bill was too tempting. Finally, he snatched it and tossed me the bags. "You make me go broke giving you charity."

The truck started this time but kept slipping out of gear. I cursed at it as I felt around on the shift lever for reverse. Then I heard the dog huffing and chuffing. It was sitting calmly while the priest looked at me like I was a hurt child. "Please, let me help you."

"You're following me! I got everything under control."

"You are wasting time, and everything you are doing is only making it worse. They are waiting for you at headquarters. Please save yourself and confess."

This guy was nuts if he thought I was going to the cops and hang myself. "Just get away and stay away, or else."

I tried the shift lever for a moment, and when I looked up, he vanished again. He was definitely creeping me out, but I didn't have time to think about it.

It was a darn shame to waste all that good pookie working, but by 3:00 in the morning, I had transplanted the parts. Then I chopped up anything incriminating and tossed it in a dozen trash bins as I drove the donor truck to my Uncle's yard.

The old man tried again on my way to work. I stopped at a red light, and he just popped out of nowhere, knocking on the window and shouting. "You must stop. It's almost too late. Confess now, while you still can." As soon as the signal turned green, I moved on.

By the time I reached work, that quarter gram of crank wasn't doing it for me. Naturally, I grabbed myself a cup of coffee from the waiting area. I glanced at the headlines from the Sunday Star-Telegram as I sipped the coffee.

Priest Killed in Hit-and-Run

Father Ivan Belenki
Police are looking for a hit-and-run suspect who struck and killed a priest and his dog Friday night in Fort Worth.

The collision occurred around 11 p.m. on the Jacksonboro Highway, Fort Worth police officers said.

The victim, identified as 53-year-old Very Reverend Ivan Belenki from nearby Holy Trinity Ukrainian Orthodox Church, was pronounced dead at the scene.

Belenki and his dog were crossing Jacksonboro Highway at 21st Street in the crosswalk after walking his dog in Rockwood Park, police said. Witnesses said the truck did not slow for the red light and drove away from the scene. The vehicle was described as a white Ford pickup truck.

Community members described Father Belenki as a great man who cared for the sick and poor of all faiths and also as a loving husband and father.

Belenki is survived by his wife, four children, and two great-grandchildren.

Police have not determined whether speed or impairment played a role in the crash, the release said.

I stared at the picture in the newspaper. It was the same priest I had seen this morning. That was impossible.

Joel, my boss, turned to me. "Awful, isn't that? A priest and all."

"Unbelievable, just unbelievable." I turned away and downed my coffee. The idiot shouldn't have been wearing all black at night to walk his dog.

He just stood in front of the service bay, but now he seemed to be trying to talk to me but couldn't. My first job was an oil change on a Mercedes. It should have been goldbricking, but somehow him staring at me made it slow torture. People walked and drove right through him as if he wasn't even there. I figured he was a ghost that only I could see. As much as he wanted to get me, I knew my truck was in the parking lot and didn't have a mark on it.

I was doing a four wheel alignment on an Audi when Joel stepped from the register and into the service bay. "Brian, can you step inside?"

"Sure boss," I said, sneaking a last glance at my truck as I put my tools down and plastered my best clueless face on, even though I knew what was happening next.

Just like I figured, two detectives were inside. They showed their badges and ID cards. "I am detective Kuipers. This is detective Sanchez. We're with the Fort Worth Police department. Are you Brian Echols?"

"Yup. What can I do for you?"

"Do you own a white Ford truck? License plate BGR 2435."

I shrugged. "Sounds about right."

"Where is it?"

I pointed. "Back of the lot."

"Will you show us," Sanchez said.

I started walking outside, figuring my truck would do my talking. Then I caught a glance of it as I walked out. Not two minutes before, it looked like I was going to sell it, all cleaned and waxed. Now, it was lying on the driver's side, smashed up. I looked around and saw him, standing with his dog. "You did this," I shouted in rage.

"No, you did. I'm so sorry. I tried to help you."

"You killed him," said Kuipers. "You ran him down when you blew the light on Jonesborough Highway, then you hit the guard rail and flew into Rockwood Park and rolled."

"That can't be. I am here."

"No, you aren't." In the blink of an eye, the world turned to night. A cold rain was sprinkling down. I was standing in the park. Suddenly my truck ran over the rail and rolled down the hill. A big black man with dreadlocks and two pit bulls ran over, shining his phone flashlight inside the cab before dialing 911.

"The disfigured face you saw. It was yourself. You were holding that handle of vodka while you were driving. When you hit the guard rail, the airbag deployed and shot the bottle through your head like a bullet. It smashed your face and broke your neck. When the truck rolled on its side, gravity turned you towards your side view mirror. You saw yourself in the light of that gentleman's phone as you died."

"I didn't want my death to be the cause of your eternal destruction," said Father Belenki. "I begged them for a chance to redeem you."

"The chief gave him one day, 24 hours," Sanchez said. "You experienced what one day of life would be like if you hadn't died and you blew it. If you had tried to go to the cops and confess, the prosecutors would have let you cut a plea for a lighter sentence."

"Don't I get a lawyer, don't I get a trial?"

"Too late," Sanchez said, grabbing my wrists and slapping the cuffs on. "You testified against yourself. Everything you ever did, every word you said, your whole story has been recorded at headquarters."

"Let me repent now, please. I will, I will. I promise."

Father Belenki shook his head. "I am sorry, my son. There comes a time for all of us when it is too late to repent, and I am afraid your deadline has passed."

submitted by CreepyDrBob to DrCreepensVault [link] [comments]

2019.06.25 07:39 CreepyDrBob Deadline

I was still wearing my work uniform when I came to on my bathroom floor. Vomit covered my shirt, my throat was raw, and a gymnast was doing flips in my stomach. After worshipping some more at the porcelain god, I noticed a certain stench that told me I had also dirtied my diapers.

After I spewed my guts into the toilet, I began to feel the full weight of my truly toxic hangover. I was shaking and could feel my heartbeat in my head. When I rinsed my mouth out, I saw that my eyes looked like a McDonald's sign, all yellow and red. Then I had a flashback to something horrible, a blood-soaked face that was so smashed and torn up it didn't even look human. The more I struggled to remember, the less sense anything made. A black monster, like death itself. I told myself that it was just a hangover delusion, like seeing pink elephants.

What day was it? My phone was still in my pocket. Today was only Saturday. I tried thinking back to last night, and not much past work was there. The boss kept me late Friday Night to do a rush four-wheel brake job and four new 37 inch Goodyear Wrangler tires on a Dodge Ram 1500 4x4 that was too pretty to have ever seen real mud. It was another rainy May Fort Worth evening. I stopped at Walmart on the way home and refreshed my supply for the weekend, and was soaked by the time I climbed back in my truck. I popped a few Xanax and washed it down with a pull from a vodka bottle before leaving the parking lot to get a couple of Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburgers for dinner. After that, blackness.

I staggered into the kitchen. Every sound made my head throb. The light from the refrigerator crippled my eyes, but I quickly found what I was looking for. I mixed pickle juice, a can of Coors, and Pepsi in a quart cup and pounded it down with four Aleve liquid gels and a vitamin B tablet. Then I poured myself a second and lit a joint.

As I took a deep toke on the doobie, I noticed through the kitchen window that my truck was parked in the back yard, covered in a tarp. That was wrong. It should have been parked along the side of the house.

When I pulled the tarp off, my heart sank. The hood and grill were a mess. Blood had mixed with the bird poop on my truck's white paint, making a sickening concrete. At first, I thought I might only have hit a dog. I even found animal hair on the hood, but then I found dark threads of material too. My mind played the tape of the grim reaper suddenly appearing in the middle of the road and flying onto the hood of my truck. When I saw black threads on my grill, I saw the horribly mangled face again. Blood poured, and teeth showed through gaping holes in its flesh.

The idea of what I must have done made me sick, but my going to prison wouldn't help them. I had to figure a way out of this mess.

I had seen enough old Dragnet episodes on YouTube to know what would happen next. The police would figure out what kind of truck it was from what I left at the scene of the accident. It wouldn't take them long to come up with a list of suspect vehicles in the area. They would check them all. Uncle Willy's scrapyard car crusher seemed like an easy solution to my problem, but if I couldn't produce my truck, the cops would instantly make me the number one suspect.

As I smoked the joint, I had an idea. What if my truck didn't look like it had been in an accident? A ray of hope swelled within me. All I would have to do is change the front bumper, header panel, grill, radiator, hood, headlights, windshield cowl, driver's side door panel, driver's side mirror, and the wipers. That was stuff I could do blindfolded, and I had the tools. All I needed was the parts.

They couldn't be just any parts. Everything had to look as cruddy as the rest of my truck. I pulled out my phone and started searching Craigslist. There I struck gold - a ringer for my truck with a blown cylinder head, failing transmission, and one of everything I needed.

When I called, the owner said his name was Carl, and the truck was in a landscaping company's rock and gravel yard in White Settlement, about half an hour away. I loaded up some tools and supplies and hopped on my Yamaha.

I went to the yard office. Carl was a bald man with a flushed face wearing a Deadpool T-shirt that read "I'm Sorry. Did I offend you?" Behind his desk was a feral hog head on the wall that looked just like him. I smiled.

"Like the shirt? My boys got it for my birthday," he said. He seemed very proud of it.

Carl had some skinny Mexican kid named Pablo take me out back to show me the pickup. It had been their yard truck, used to move tons of gravel, stones, and bricks from the storage areas to the customers. One of the spark plugs was blown clean out of the head. The engine was so rough that it sounded like the muffler was gone and it shifted erratically. I talked Carl down to $500 cash.

The transmission was dying so I mixed brake fluid in the transmission fluid to swell the seals and topped it off. Standard Ford truck spark plugs are threaded M14x1.25 mm, so I drilled it out and screwed in an insert, and secured it with Loc-Tite. Both the spark plug and the brake fluid would only last a few hundred miles, but I only needed it to limp across town. After putting my license plates on, I lowered the tailgate to load my dirtbike in the bed of the truck. "Let me help you," a voice with an odd accent said behind me.

I turned and looked. It was a priest, a small man with glasses, a grey beard and a cane in long, black clothes. His eyes were gentle and persuasive. "No, I got this," I answered.

"Please. You need my help."

I pulled back on the bike, getting the front tire and forks on the truck. "Don't need you," I said as I hauled the rear end up and laid it down. Why would an old man like that want to get his fancy clothes dirty helping me? When I looked up to ask him, he had disappeared. Just as well. He gave me the creeps.

The truck ran so rough I decided to limp it home on the back streets. As I drove, I realized that I should try to be seen someplace. My truck couldn't have been in an accident if the store cameras showed me driving it. I went to the drive-in at Jack in the Box and then hit my regular O'Reilly Auto Parts store, parking right by the window so the register cameras would read my license plate while I bought new windshield wipers. That way, I would have credit card receipts proving where I was. I even made a point of telling Pepe the manager how bad my truck was running so he would remember me.

I tossed my bag in the truck, climbed in, and then the damn thing wouldn't start. When I got out of the cab and opened the hood, that old priest in black walked over, led by a German Shepherd that looked as big as he was. "What are you doing, following me," I said to him.

"Please, let me help you," he said. "You have a far bigger problem than you think."

I looked at the battery terminals. They were disgustingly corroded. "I'm a mechanic. I can fix this."

"No," he said. "You aren't listening. You really need help."

"I don't need your help. I don't want your help. Get lost. I got this."

Part of me wanted to ask him why he was so anxious to help me, but when I looked up, he had vanished again. Relieved, I put him out of my mind and got some baking soda and hydrogen peroxide from a grocery store to clean the terminals. In ten minutes, I was motoring home.

It was almost 2:00 by then. I knew the repairs would take all night long, so I stopped at Nachos, my favorite unlicensed pharmacy. I rolled up to his trailer and knocked on his door. "My friend," he said. "Come in."

Even back in High School, Nachos was always smoking weed and eating nachos and cheese. That's why his name stuck. His place reeked like the crack in Bob Marley's ass, but his pharmacy was well stocked and was open 24/7. I reached into my pocket and flashed a fifty dollar bill. "I am looking to make change. I got ten nickels. I need three quarters."

Nachos nodded with understanding. I wanted to buy three quarter gram bags of meth to gear me up enough to work all night and a bit more to crank my motor in the morning. "That's a bit odd change, my friend. A quarter is worth five nickels."

"Quantity discount for an old friend."

He thought it over, but my $50 bill was too tempting. Finally, he snatched it and tossed me the bags. "You make me go broke giving you charity."

The truck started this time but kept slipping out of gear. I cursed at it as I felt around on the shift lever for reverse. Then I heard the dog huffing and chuffing. It was sitting calmly while the priest looked at me like I was a hurt child. "Please, let me help you."

"You're following me! I got everything under control."

"You are wasting time, and everything you are doing is only making it worse. They are waiting for you at headquarters. Please save yourself and confess."

This guy was nuts if he thought I was going to the cops and hang myself. "Just get away and stay away, or else."

I tried the shift lever for a moment, and when I looked up, he vanished again. He was definitely creeping me out, but I didn't have time to think about it.

It was a darn shame to waste all that good pookie working, but by 3:00 in the morning, I had transplanted the parts. Then I chopped up anything incriminating and tossed it in a dozen trash bins as I drove the donor truck to my Uncle's yard.

The old man tried again on my way to work. I stopped at a red light, and he just popped out of nowhere, knocking on the window and shouting. "You must stop. It's almost too late. Confess now, while you still can." As soon as the signal turned green, I moved on.

By the time I reached work, that quarter gram of crank wasn't doing it for me. Naturally, I grabbed myself a cup of coffee from the waiting area. I glanced at the headlines from the Sunday Star-Telegram as I sipped the coffee.

Priest Killed in Hit-and-Run

Police are looking for a hit-and-run suspect who struck and killed a priest and his dog Friday night in Fort Worth.

The collision occurred around 11 p.m. on the Jacksonboro Highway, Fort Worth police officers said.

The victim, identified as 53-year-old Very Reverend Ivan Belenki from nearby Holy Trinity Ukrainian Orthodox Church, was pronounced dead at the scene.

Belenki and his dog were crossing Jacksonboro Highway at 21st Street in the crosswalk after walking his dog in Rockwood Park, police said. Witnesses said the truck did not slow for the red light and drove away from the scene. The vehicle was described as a white Ford pickup truck.

Community members described Father Belenki as a great man who cared for the sick and poor of all faiths and also as a loving husband and father.

Belenki is survived by his wife, four children, and two great-grandchildren.

Police have not determined whether speed or impairment played a role in the crash, the release said.

I stared at the picture in the newspaper. It was the same priest I had seen this morning. That was impossible.

Joel, my boss, turned to me. "Awful, isn't that? A priest and all."

"Unbelievable, just unbelievable." I turned away and downed my coffee. The idiot shouldn't have been wearing all black at night to walk his dog.

He just stood in front of the service bay, but now he seemed to be trying to talk to me but couldn't. My first job was an oil change on a Mercedes. It should have been goldbricking, but somehow him staring at me made it slow torture. People walked and drove right through him as if he wasn't even there. I figured he was a ghost that only I could see. As much as he wanted to get me, I knew my truck was in the parking lot and didn't have a mark on it.

I was doing a four wheel alignment on an Audi when Joel stepped from the register and into the service bay. "Brian, can you step inside?"

"Sure boss," I said, sneaking a last glance at my truck as I put my tools down and plastered my best clueless face on, even though I knew what was happening next.

Just like I figured, two detectives were inside. They showed their badges and ID cards. "I am detective Kuipers. This is detective Sanchez. We're with the Fort Worth Police department. Are you Brian Echols?"

"Yup. What can I do for you?"

"Do you own a white Ford truck? License plate BGR 2435."

I shrugged. "Sounds about right."

"Where is it?"

I pointed. "Back of the lot."

"Will you show us," Sanchez said.

I started walking outside, figuring my truck would do my talking. Then I caught a glance of it as I walked out. Not two minutes before, it looked like I was going to sell it, all cleaned and waxed. Now, it was lying on the driver's side, smashed up. I looked around and saw him, standing with his dog. "You did this," I shouted in rage.

"No, you did. I'm so sorry. I tried to help you."

"You killed him," said Kuipers. "You ran him down when you blew the light on Jonesborough Highway, then you hit the guard rail and flew into Rockwood Park and rolled."

"That can't be. I am here."

"No, you aren't." In the blink of an eye, the world turned to night. A cold rain was sprinkling down. I was standing in the park. Suddenly my truck ran over the rail and rolled down the hill. A big black man with dreadlocks and two pit bulls ran over, shining his phone flashlight inside the cab before dialing 911.

"The disfigured face you saw. It was yourself. You were holding that handle of vodka while you were driving. When you hit the guard rail, the airbag deployed and shot the bottle through your head like a bullet. It smashed your face and broke your neck. When the truck rolled on its side, gravity turned you towards your side view mirror. You saw yourself in the light of that gentleman's phone as you died."

"I didn't want my death to be the cause of your eternal destruction," said Father Belenki. "I begged them for a chance to redeem you."

"The chief gave him one day, 24 hours," Sanchez said. "You experienced what one day of life would be like if you hadn't died and you blew it. If you had tried to go to the cops and confess, the prosecutors would have let you cut a plea for a lighter sentence."

"Don't I get a lawyer, don't I get a trial?"

"Too late," Sanchez said, grabbing my wrists and slapping the cuffs on. "You testified against yourself. Everything you ever did, every word you said, your whole story has been recorded at headquarters."

"Let me repent now, please. I will, I will. I promise."

Father Belenki shook his head. "I am sorry, my son. There comes a time for all of us when it is too late to repent, and I am afraid your deadline has passed."

submitted by CreepyDrBob to clancypasta [link] [comments]

2018.12.02 21:11 justpropane333 New prescription and some concerns

Howdy yall. I have been going to pain management faithfully for the past 3 months, I have tried a few injection but none have worked as of yet and tried some prescriptions for zanaflex, parafon forte, and T3 codeine. Now however we are trying: Tapentadol/nucynta tablets. I have already tried tramadol before as well, but it did nothing for me. I am wondering has anyone had any good reports/experiences with this medication? I am worried if this will actually help me instead of giving me side effects/wasting my money/insurance. I am prescribed 3X a day. Thank you!

submitted by justpropane333 to ChronicPain [link] [comments]

2018.09.05 19:45 klapaciousx1000000 Should I be worried about my IUD?

submitted by klapaciousx1000000 to AskDocs [link] [comments]

2018.08.12 00:12 klapaciousx1000000 Could this be nerve pain?

29 f, 5'1", 115lb, Filipina, Irish, and Native American.
Medical issues: Depression, anxiety, ADHD, irritable bowel syndrome, scoliosis, and neck pain from a car accident in 2013.
Current meds: Methylphenidate la 40mg cp24, sid Trintillex 20mg, sid Parafon forte 500mg bid prn neck pain (though I can't remember the last time I took this) And occasionally naproxen or ibuprofen
I have been having off and on pain, initially thought to be in my rectum that started about 16 months ago. It is very low in my right dorsal pelvis and is a really sharp and intense pain that last for maybe 30 seconds max. It has several times brought me to my knees. After having this pain for so long, I have come to sometimes associate it with menstrual cramps AS WELL AS intestinal cramps. It is also brought on by seemingly absolutely nothing. I can go weeks without it, but sometimes it happens multiple times a day. But the pain has very gradually gotten more and more intense and has increased in frequency, but not by a lot.
Doctors have done nothing to help me.. gi specialist told me to increase my fiber but that's about all the real advice I've gotten.
Another odd thing that started about a year ago was incontinence. Mostly urge incontinence but rarely I find my underwear inexcusably wet, and I've wet the bed twice, which I haven't done since childhood. PCP sent me to a urologist who ultrasounds my kidneys and bladder (normal) and told me that it's a normal thing for a woman my age.
Recently, I wonder if my scoliosis is catching up with me. I was told I should get an orthotic when I was 19, but i couldn't afford it. I haven't addressed my scoliosis at all since. I kind of had a light bulb moment and thought maybe i am experiencing nerve issues as a result of my scoliosis?
Any advice or direction would be greatly appreciated. I have a neurologist appointment but not until October. Please let me know if there is another Avenue that should be explored. Thank you.
Edit: added a detail about pain location

submitted by klapaciousx1000000 to AskDocs [link] [comments]

2017.02.28 19:40 silent771 Patchnotes 1.3.3 (2dd2) What they really mean: Part 1 AI

First off inspired by AsaTJ, I loved all your What they actually mean patchlogs for eu/hoi/stellaris etc and will try my best to live up to your lofty standards.
AI: After consulting with top Nazi scientists and generals, Mussolini's support staff has convinced him that perhaps an army of ONLY tanks is unsuited for his Ethiopian ambitions due to their inability to drive up cliff faces without doing backflips. Men with backpacks and climbing gear have been dispatched in their place.
Following a thorough investigation, the AI has determined that reports of "a few hundred divisions" of Mongols along their border were perpetrated by officers trying to avoid the frontlines. All other borders have been checked in person and troops are being allocated to more useful areas.
The AI's mother has began sending daily reminder texts to not forget important things like lunchboxes and thousands of troops it had ordered to attack but for some reason are still playing Spades at the barracks.
After seeing Hacksaw Ridge the AI has got over it's "Saving Private Ryan" obsession and will no longer treat every invasion as D-Day, allowing it to prepare based on actual (expected) enemy strength.
AI has been told that the middle of a battle might not be the best time to send troops halfway across the world.
After watching Berlin fall to a human player, the AI has realized HoI4 doesn't have built in capital forts and that it can actually attack a surrounded capital directly instead of waiting for the walls to be breached.
AI has been told to "chill bro" on asking if your coming to the fight at the Fantasy's parking lot Friday night.
AI has been told that it can't declare war on already defeated France to get back at them for stack wiping 45,000 troops with 31,000 despite attacking an entrenched army in the Alps back in the 1600's. (true story. nerf bbb plz)
The new management at AMC has a guy named Frank watching the exits, drastically reducing the amount of teenagers being snuck in by friends. The theater has increased its profit margins substantially and more changes are to come.
AI saw the modifier for Coastal Bombardment while looking at a land combat screen and went "ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so they DO do something!" and has dispatched spare ships to help the landlubbers out.
AI realized that organization is pretty much one of the most important determining factors in the game for "am I going to win this battle or nah" and decided to consider it for when they send land dudes on boats to other land place.
AI has got a new member of its cabinet that has the balls to tell it "As a friend, perhaps invading the Soviet Union isn't the best idea seeing as how every man above age 16 is fighting in the Balkans Africa and Western Europe and being pushed back daily." The AI calmed down and has decided maybe its friend is right. For now.
After receiving multiple "WTF am i supposed to do with this???" letters from lend lease recipients, AI has stopped sending a bunch of metal and screws with a 'Your new Battleship we promised! Some assembly required.' and feeling good about itself for helping friends in need.
Himmler has finally filed the paperwork necessary to begin cracking down on resistance fighters and Colonel Hans Landa has been dispatched with a few thousand blackshirts. Viva la police secrète.
Made modders have approximately 12 Aleve less headaches a week through revamped scriptability.
AI has got a snazzy new calculator that allows it to go "oh hey maybe our 10 support equipment worth of production a day wouldn't sustain our army if we field the population of Beijing to the front." You can also play tetris on it without your math teacher noticing.
Paradox admitted that some of the techs in HoI4 are so sh***y not even the A.I. will research them without being hardcoded to have to.
Winston Churchill's screaming about how "Peace in Our Time!" isn't gonna happen after gifting Hitler the Sudeten finally got a few chaps from the ministry to come up with 'Just in case' plans.
The AI has realized that the country it was sending lend lease aid to is actually a 4th child, and quite used to hand-me-downs.. as such it decided its alright to send a few older model planes without feeling too guilty.
AI has decided that maybe the start of a war is a good time to check in on the airforce and see what its up to.
Japan's Emperor no longer listens to the old Samurai guy that kept saying "WE HAVE TO HELP GERMANY, it is the honorable thing to do." despite not even having taken Beijing by September 1939.
Lend Lease and trade is now semi-functional for the computer. Have fun once they update black ice and your facing down Soviet divisions with M18 Hellcats and P-51's flying support.
Speaking of which, AI will now probably have medium tanks. Probably.
The friend of the AI that told him it wasn't a good idea to attack the Soviets brought ANOTHER friend with him that is insisting "no.. really, bro, you REALLY shouldn't attack them when France is already in Darmstadt gentrifying the place. I promise we'll create lebensraum later." The AI has once again postponed Operation Barbarossa, for now....
haha alright I guess thats all for section one a few of my friends remembered its my birthday or something so I'll finish the rest tomorrow! Hope you enjoyed and all credit to AsaTJ for the inspiration behind this.

submitted by silent771 to hoi4 [link] [comments]

2017.01.18 00:07 swilson215 My Lasik Experience (Five Days Post-Op)

Warning: Text wall.
I found this sub really informative and helpful when I was researching Lasik, so I wanted to contribute to the collection of experiences found here.
I'm a 29F who has been wearing glasses or contacts for 21 years. Starting at age 13, I wore (almost) exclusively contacts, and starting age 20 I wore the day and night contacts for as long as allowed (generally thirty days). My prescription was pretty steady for the last 6 years or so, right around a -3.00 in my right eye and a -3.50 in my left eye. I had an astigmatism in my left eye.
For years, even though I had an astigmatism the doctor allowed me to go without a toric lens (giving me the choice because he said it wasn't that bad). Two years ago, a new doctor said that my astigmatism was worse than I thought and put me in a toric lens. I HATED my toric lenses and so for the last two years, I've been switching between contacts and glasses about 50/50. I had been considering lasik on and off for about 8 years at this point, so the toric lens was what I needed to get me in gear.
I shopped around my area (Dallas, Texas) for a Lasik doctor that I liked/trusted. Honestly, I was looking for the best mix of price and experience/quality that I could find...I had friends that went super swanky and expensive, and others that went cattle-call and cheap, and all of them said I should take the plunge. After a TON of research, I landed on Dr. Robert Smith at LasikPlus in Dallas (well, really, it's in Plano). I was hesitant about a chain, but he had rave reviews and had started his refractive surgery practice on fighter pilots in the air force, so I felt comfortable with him. There ended up being some added benefits with going with a chain (notably, I get a "lifetime" guarantee on my lasik, and because they're in basically every state no matter where I move I'll be covered if I need an enhancement).
I ended up paying $3,000 for both eyes after a 15% discount for having vision insurance, a $300/eye discount for a beginning of the year promotion and a $250 discount for booking through their call center, so I got a VERY good price (ended up being cheaper than the cattle-call quotes I received, actually, although I thought it would be more when I booked it).
My initial consultation took about an hour and a half and revealed that I was a good candidate for Lasik. My surgery was scheduled for 10 days after my initial consultation. I had the custom bladeless Lasik procedure. Before surgery, I was asked to get Zymaxid and Pred Forte. I paid out of pocket for these drops...the total cost would have been around $210 out of pocket, but I used goodrx.com to find the best discounts, and ended up getting them at Wal-Mart for a grand total of $48.
My appointment for the surgery was for 3:30 on a Friday, but I got there closer to 4 (unexpected traffic). After the battery of last minute tests and the paperwork (and the popping of a single 5mg Valium), I was taken back to a little room with recliners and had my first round of numbing eye drops put in around 4:45. At 4:50 the doctor came to speak with me and walked me through what I needed to do at each stage of the game. By 5:00, we were walking into the surgery room. There the doctor gave me another round of numbing eye drops and I laid down.
The first machine was the suction machine where the corneal flap is actually cut. This was the only portion of the entire surgery where I felt what might be considered "pain." It was definitely more than pressure. I would consider it to be right on the edge of wincing in pain. But it was only with the first eye. By the second it wasn't nearly as bad.
From there I got up and walked two steps over to a different laser machine (being helped by the sweet nurse). This machine was the laser that reshapes the cornea. I was told to stare at the green light, and they taped my eyelashes up, spread my eyelids with what I'm calling an eye-speculum, and then went to work. It was really easy to keep looking at the green light, and they kept my eye steady and moist enough that I didn't even try to blink against the eye-speculum.
A few quick pew-pews later, and I was all done. They tamped down the flap with what felt like a little foam shovel thing (my boyfriend said that it looked the weirdest out of the whole surgery, but it actually felt pretty good), removed the tape, put the Ray Charles sunglasses on me, and walked me into a post-op exam room. The doctor then checked my eyes and told me I was good to go! He suggested that I try falling asleep for a nap once I got home and that I wake up in 3-4 hours to put in my first round of drops. I was out of the surgery center and on my way home by 5:25.
This is where it got uncomfortable again. Because he wanted me to wake back up, I decided not to take the ambien my GP had given me for post-surgery. I thought the Valium would be enough to help me nap. I was wrong. We got into the car, stopped at the gas station to fill up, had to go back to the surgery center (because I forgot my bag with the drops...my boyfriend had ONE JOB), and then we headed home (about 10 minutes from our surgery center). I forced my BF to stop at the pharmacy nearest our house to grab me some nose spray, since I was recovering from a cold/sinus infection and the drops and surgery caused massive nose blockage and drainage. I'm pretty sure this hugely contributed to my misery. The first 7 or 8 minutes of the drive were perfectly fine, but after that it felt like I had some sandy acid in my eyes, but I couldn't open them.
I got home, got into bed, and closed my eyes. I tried willing myself to sleep, but no dice. So I just gritted my teeth and got through the next few hours. A cold compress over the glasses and my forehead helped a little. My doctor called a few hours after I got home to check on me, and suggested keeping my eyes closed a little longer and taking a pain reliever. Aleve helped a lot.
After about four hours (so, around 9:30PM), the pain/discomfort significantly subsided, and I was able to open my eyes, take my drops, and eat some dinner. I could already see the clock radio across the room, and it was CRAZY!
The next morning I woke up and my BF drove me to my post-op appointment. I could see very clearly and had only minor discomfort (sliiiiight "grittiness") in my left eye. I had 20/20 at my 10:00 AM post-op appointment with both eyes open and in my right eye. My left was a little blurrier than that, but the doctor said that was okay because of my astigmatism in that eye, and that he anticipated it would get better over the next several days/weeks.
My eyes weren't significantly red after my surgery, and I was able to go to a party that night for a friend who is deploying soon. I have been careful about the drops (the one that stings and tastes horrible, and the one that clouds up the vision, and the artificial tears). I have been good about protecting my eyes from debris (I cleaned my fan, for example, but wore my goggles). I have been especially cognizant of the artificial tear usage, and end up using them about every half hour while awake, since my eyes were a little dry prior to Lasik anyway. I bought the refresh preservative-free single use vials in boxes of 100 from Costco for about $20/box.
I've definitely noticed my vision getting sharper over the last few days. I've got minor halo-ing at night, but nothing major or uncomfortable. I have another appointment for three weeks from now, and we'll see where I am then. Until then (and unless something changes), I can honestly say I'm totally kicking myself for not doing this years ago, and think that it was probably the best money I've ever spent. I would (as of now) do Lasik again in a heart beat.
If I missed anything or you have any specific questions, ask away!!!
TL;DR: I had lasik four days ago and while it was quick it wasn't 100% painless or comfortable. However, it wasn't too bad and I would definitely do it again, because it was well worth it.

submitted by swilson215 to lasik [link] [comments]

2016.04.08 06:16 RobotChikin Despite taking medications severely affecting brain function-graduating Summa Cum Laude!!!

JUST wanted to toot my own horn, sorry but not sorry ;) . I'm taking MAX dose Lyrica (600 mg/day), Tegretol, Amitriptyline, Parafon Forte, Suboxone, Metoprolol, and Bupropion..... these all, in some way, ESPECIALLY lyrica, tegretol, amitriptyline, and suboxone, have made it a living hell for my brain functioning over the past year. As any of you know that have taken these meds, it really does make it difficult to do simple things on a daily basis..... BUT.....
I recently got one of the highest grades in my Digital Logic class (we learn how to make computer chips, which requires exceptional critical thinking, logic, and reason). How did I do it? I studied for 8-12 hours a day, almost every day (I took the occasional day or two off)!!! At first, on these meds I thought it was impossible. I really did. I thought to myself, "how in the hell am I going to make a computer chip if I can't remember my own girlfriend's name half the time??" Well, there's a solution to everything - my solution was OBSESSION with the goal of graduating. I'm now going to graduate with a 3.9 GPA and Summa Cum Laude in Computer Science Engineering from a top 50 University - despite being on 8 medications that completely SCREW with my memory. ANYTHING can be done if you put your mind to it!!!!
Sorry if I come off as braggadocious, but not many good things happen to me lately, and I am just so ecstatic - AND I want to prove that even on these SHIT meds and in severe chronic pain, you CAN do anything! I now know why God gave me OCD. I used to hate him and curse him for giving me this mental illness which has driven me to depression, anxiety, and rage time and time again. My obsessions are now the only thing driving me to become better. Funny isn't it? How sometimes things come full circle. Life is strange - a mad, mad world (shout-out to Donnie Darko or Tears for Fears fans :) )

submitted by RobotChikin to ChronicPain [link] [comments]

2016.03.06 21:27 RobotChikin Undiagnosed chronic pain is seeping into every crevice of my body, mind, and spirit...

I've seen 30 drs, with varying degrees of competency (most being very incompetent) and none of them have been able to accurately diagnose what's going on with me. It started with lower back pain 2 years ago, but evolved into a burning, pulsing, crunching pain throughout my body that gets worse with ANY form of activity (including sex) and sitting. Thats right, theres been times (4) when I was fine on medication and then I sat and the lower portion of my skull felt pressurized, my head tingled and burned, back started to burn, and elbows and knees started feeling like there were fire ants in them.
The kicker is that the pain aggravation, after sitting or doing any activity, does not just hurt for a few days. It is additive pain - meaning it adds to the pain I was already experiencing, making it my new baseline pain. Because of this, I am absolutely terrified to live my life.
I am 29 yrs old and on 12 mg suboxone, 600 mg lyrica, 50 mg amitriptyline, 200 mg tegretol, 1 gram parafon forte, and it still doesn't even come close to helping.
I saw a neurologist at Cleveland Clinic that thinks it's POTS, but that's ridiculous. I was his only patient that after doing the stress test, was burning and tingling ALL OVER my body.
My first MRI mentioned myelomalacia, and that's what I think it is. The 4 neurosurgeons I've seen that I mentioned myelomalacia to say I do not have it. I disagree. It is the ONLY explanation for all these symptoms AND the beginning of hearing loss AND blurred vision.
Anyways, I am crying as I write this because I really see no reason to go on. My dreams are shattered, I will never have sex or do anything physical again, I can barely study for school (I don't even go, I watch lectures at home in excruciating pain), and what I think I have is incurable and gets WORSE. The Cleveland Clinic doc thinks it POTS, but ya know how you help that? Exercises. Frickin hell.
Please, I need a reason to keep going on. Any ray of hope that leads me to believe I may get better some day or that.... I don't know, its better to live like this than to end it all...

submitted by RobotChikin to ChronicPain [link] [comments]

2015.12.08 19:28 jaysjep2 Jeopardy! recap for Tue., Dec. 8

Jeopardy! recap for Tue., Dec. 8 - Uneventful affair in which Alex found all three DDs and missed two of them for a net loss of $1,500. Despite this, he was in command most of the way but some bad guesses in DJ held Alex back from a runaway, as he entered FJ with $11,100 vs. $6,200 for champ Liz.
DD1 - COUNTRIES' NATIONAL ANTHEMS - "Himno Istmeno" or "Isthmus Hymn" (Alex lost $500)
DD2 - COLONIAL NEW ENGLAND - First formed to drive New York settlers out of Vermont, this armed band later gained fame at Fort Ticonderoga (Alex lost $3,000)
DD3 - PARLIAMENT VS. CONGRESS - It's the area from which you can watch politicians in their habitat; Parliament's was once called the strangers' one (Alex won $2,000)
FJ - STATE CAPITALS - It's the only capital named for a signer of the Constitution
Alex was the only player to get FJ, adding $4,000 for a winning total of $15,100.
Political problems: No one knew that the proceedings of Congress are set down in the Congressional Record or were familiar with the phrase "politics ain't beanbag".
One more thing: At the end of the previous show, the podiums of the losing players displayed the amounts they accumulated in the game during the Aleve plug, but that was likely just a mistake as on the website they were listed as winning the normal $2,000 and $1,000 amounts. So it will continue to be much more lucrative to lose on Wheel of Fortune.
Correct Qs: DD1: What is Panama? DD2: Who were the Green Mountain Boys? DD3: What is gallery? FJ: What is Madison?

submitted by jaysjep2 to Jeopardy [link] [comments]

2015.06.14 10:01 ForwardFromHere I've got questions...

Since I was really small, I can remember myself wishing my absolute heart out to the stars, god, or anyone that would listen, that I'd wake up the next day as a female. This has basically persisted into the present.
I came out as pansexual about 5 years ago to a warm welcome from my friends. Nothing but encouragement and love, even from my Mom and my Sister and her family. I really am lucky. They are tolerant of everyone no matter what creed or belief system someone comes from. You give respect to get respect, that was the only rule. I was raised not to judge and to love those I met unless they do me harm. I've followed that by heart for my entire life. Thanks Momfor instilling those values in me. I lost my father at the age of 16. He always tried to get me to work with power tools and be in the greasy garage with him, but it never appealed to me and I hated the loud noise and grease. I learned auto mechanics a bit after he passed as a kind of tribute I guess, it was fun as I got to drag race on a track.
Ever since, the thoughts of wanting to be a woman are taking up a good portion of my thoughts as I don't feel I have to be ashamed of who I want to be anymore. In recent weeks I've even expressed my feelings that I may want to transition at some point to my mother and to no surprise she said "You always were a more feminine guy, there's nothing wrong with that." She even offered to help me find good hair removal products, which almost floored me. I love her so flipping much. I even told her if I do end up transitioning I'd want her to name me.
Now here's the sticky icky. I'm disabled. I had a neglected blown disc in my neck(by a crappy neurologist that just wanted to give me percocets and send me home with no scans) that deteriorated my spinal cord by pinching it for an extended period (over about 6-8 years) , which has scarred it to about half the width it really should be. This has caused severe nerve damage, numb/tingly fingers and feet, "sun spots" aka visual aura's which last for weeks at a time, and a loss of balance. I recently had two seperate surgeries, the first which failed with a cadaver bone graft, to fuse my spine in the c5-c6 vertebre. The second surgery is with a piece of my own bone from a pointy spines on my vertebre and two rods and a plate. I have trouble lifting, pushing and pulling in any reasonable amounts. I deal with a great amount of pain daily and take many meds for it, which I will list here since why not, it's my first "throwaway" which isn't linked to me personally, which honestly I've decided to keep. I take tramadol(pain), diclofenac(muscle relaxer?), parafon forte(muscle relaxer), cymbalta(helps with depression due to pain), welbutrin(for depression, semi related), omeprazole for the heartburn the rest cause, and trazodone in order to sleep more than a few hours at a time. I may get better(I hope) but the case my doctors are making to me is looking like I'll be like this indefinitely with minor improvements to pain and mobility. I can walk fine unassisted, but you best be sure I have somewhere I can sit periodically or I'm dying of pain. Basically I have to pace myself in order to get anything done, which is fine as I'm not in a hurry to get through life.
I already see a psychologist for bipolar depression and anxiety due to my issues with pain and stuff, and since "coming out" to my Mom I seem to feel a lot of that anxiety and bad mojo has being lifted. Like someone took a big concrete weight off my chest. I actually was looking up doctors to see for diagnosis of GID, and his name came up. So I feel I'm a bit in luck there as well as I've already got a history with him, and he's just a little older than I am. Which by the way I'm 27.
Back to my feelings , I never liked anything the other guys liked. I never liked sports, and even tried playing football(and hated it) in 9th grade. I liked gardening and flowers(loved 4H), art, fashion, clothing and make up. I love beautiful fragrant perfumes and always have my house smelling nice with those lovely oil/wax burners. I love cooking for others, especially those I love. I love My Little Pony and Hello Kitty and even collect from each series. I love to cry and am unafraid to show it. I tend to be very emotionally expressive, even getting tearful when I'm really happy. I have a massive collection of adorable plushies and cute figures. I even sleep with a big Jake the Dog plushy and fleece throw on my bed. I love moe and romance anime(among others, but kawaii~~ can't be resisted). I have long gorgeous hair which I am supremely proud of(really it's a sight, people tell me it's so pretty all the time and my heart melts x3). The fact that I have body/facial hair grosses me out, but I totally like a beard on a guy <3. I know a ton of this isn't necessarily 100% female, any a ton can be considered unigender. I don't want to sound totally ignorant, but those are what make me feel feminine and good. Also, I had an "iconic look" for years, which was my gotea. Eventually I got sick of it and pretending to be something I'm not.
I'm just tired of "playing the part" and doing things "because that's what a guy should do", instead of doing things that make me smile and make me happy. I mean even down to behavioral things. I'm done acting macho, I'm done acting like I "don't care" when in fact my heart is shattering into a billion pieces when I say that. I'm done hiding my loves and interests from others and I'm loud and proud now that I love adorable and cute things to absolute deathy death! I'm done toning down my affection for others to a "manly" level. I love my friends and family so much and I've been heavy on the hugs and kisses lately, which they absolutely love. It's funny I mention crying earlier because I'm (ridiculously) starting to tear up now that I'm writing this in full to a community in full rather than a small group of friends and family in doses. It feels so good to finally start being myself and not changing my behavior to suit others.
I hope I've done a good job of explaining my situation, and how I'm feeling right now in life. A friend had suggested maybe I should just be a really fem guy, but I'm not sure that's good enough for me but it is a start. He had also suggested that I may be bigender. It may sound silly(or not I don't know), but I want to be cute and pretty more than anything. I want to walk down the street and have someone thing "Aww, she's cute". I almost forgot to add, I practice my female voice very often, and think I'm getting quite good, which is great because my natural voice is a tenor. I've even practiced singing as a woman. I just don't know how hormone therapy would react with any medicines I take, or affect my surgery site (though I've read that hormone therapy promotes bone growth). Something else that concerned me was whether it would effect my disability, or whether it would be inconsequential as I'm physically messed up. One last worry was that I may be too old, but I've found a lot of courage in some strange places lately. I want to do a shout out to Sense8, and the lovely and charming star Jamie Clayton who brought a piece of our community to light in the most wonderful and passionate way. Many things including the love of my family and friends and some very nice public figures as of late have flipped a lot of switches in my head and made me realize I wasn't being true to myself. As far as a reassignment surgery, I never liked the idea due to the health risks and the risks of loss of sensation. I want to add here that I've done research on this for over 5 years now, but never felt like I could accomplish it before.
Anyway, I'd just like your opinions on my situation. Maybe what you'd think is best. I know I'm going to be talking to my wonderful psychologist as soon as possible, to at least express most of the feelings I've had, and their intensity. These feelings really burn in me like a small sun. The longer I live, the more I think I want to do it.
If you took the time to read these nonsensical ramblings of a madperson, I commend you and thank you from the absolute bottom of my heart. I'm so very glad I found this subreddit and somewhere where I don't have to fear persecution and judgement. Really, if you made it to the bottom, thank you so much for taking time out of your day to help a poor soul like myself. I'm happy to answer any questions that may help.

submitted by ForwardFromHere to asktransgender [link] [comments]

http://rodzice.org/