As a child, my world revolved around the sunny streets of Simi Valley, California, and the constant absence of my father, Victor Drake. He was a legendary snowboarder, a thrill-seeker whose exploits were broadcast on television screens across the country. But to me, he was just Daddy, a distant figure whose presence was more often felt through the flickering glow of the TV than in our own home.
As the years passed by, I found myself growing more and more aware of his absence. I would watch other children playing with their fathers at the park, their laughter echoing in my ears like a cruel reminder of what I was missing. I would press my small hands against the warm glass, imagining each passing car as a messenger carrying my father's love. But no matter how much I hoped and prayed, he never seemed to come home.
Instead, I found comfort in the warm embrace of my grandparents, who took me in and raised me as their own. They became my surrogate parents, filling the void left by my father's absence with love and affection. But there was always a shadow lingering over our home, a sense of longing for the one who should have been there with us.
"Why doesn't Daddy stay with us?" I would ask, my voice trembling with emotion. And every time, my grandparents would offer the same explanation: "He loves you very much, sweetheart. But he has to travel for his work."
I accepted their words at face value, too young to question the truth behind them. "He's always too busy for us," I would mutter bitterly to myself, my young heart heavy with disappointment and betrayal.
There was one day...I wandered through the hallway of our house, I overheard my grandmother speaking on the phone. Her voice was tinged with frustration, her words clipped and sharp.
"You can't just not see her, Victor!" she exclaimed, her tone pleading. "She's your daughter, for crying out loud. You have a responsibility to her."
I stood frozen in the hallway, my heart pounding in my chest. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks—my dad was choosing not to be a part of my life, and it was tearing my family apart.
I felt a surge of raw emotion welling up inside me. Anger, sadness, confusion—all swirling together in a whirlwind of chaos that threatened to consume me whole. Without a word, I turned on my heel and fled, my footsteps echoing through the empty house as I raced back to my room. Slamming the door shut behind me, I collapsed onto my bed, tears streaming down my cheeks unchecked.
I didn't want to face the world outside, didn't want to confront the painful truth of my father's abandonment. So I stayed locked away in my room, the days blurring together into a haze of loneliness and despair. Outside my window, the sun continued to rise and set, casting long shadows across my walls as time marched on without me. But inside my sanctuary, time seemed to stand still, the outside world fading into insignificance as I retreated deeper and deeper into myself.
I spent those days lost in my own thoughts, wrestling with the thoughts that haunted me, searching for some semblance of understanding in the chaos of my emotions. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't escape the crushing weight of my father's absence, the gaping hole in my heart that refused to heal.
And so I remained trapped in that dark cocoon of despair, my only solace the faint glimmer of hope that someday, somehow, I would find the answers I so desperately sought. But until then, I was content to stay locked away in my room, sheltered from the harsh realities of the outside world, nursing my wounds in silence. Hoping that one day, he would come home and we could be a family again. That he would want to be my dad.
But whatever god was out there, must've heard my cries, answered my prayers.
I was ten now. I heard the front door creak open, the sound echoing through the silent house. My heart leaped into my throat, my pulse quickening with a mixture of anticipation and dread as I waited, holding my breath, for what would come next.
And then he was there, standing in the doorway, his familiar silhouette framed against the harsh glare of the midday sun. For a moment, I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't believe that he was actually here.
But there he was, my father, Victor Drake, holding out his arms to me with a tentative smile, as if unsure of whether he was welcome or not. And in that moment, all the anger and resentment that had consumed me for so long melted away, replaced by a flood of overwhelming relief and joy.
He had gifts in hand, peace offerings to soften the blow of his absence. A new pair of ice skates, gleaming in the sunlight, a token of his love and a promise of better days to come.
I wanted to hate him, to lash out at him for leaving me all those years ago, for breaking my heart and abandoning me when I needed him most. But as I looked into his eyes, saw the vulnerability lurking behind the bravado, I couldn't bring myself to do it.
Instead, I threw myself into his arms, clinging to him as if my life depended on it, my tears mingling with his as we stood there, locked in an embrace that felt like coming home. And in that moment, all was forgiven, all was forgotten, as we basked in the warmth of each other's love, united once more by the bonds of family.
But even as I reveled in the joy of his return, a nagging doubt lingered at the back of my mind. Did forgiving him so easily make me stupid? Was I setting myself up for heartbreak all over again? Only time would tell, but for now, I pushed those thoughts aside, content to lose myself in the embrace of my father's love, if only for a little while longer.

(This is a rewrite of my other post where I wrote a fic that featured Jn riding south with Robb instead of joining the NW)
Here's how the story goes. After Ned and the royal party leave, Jon leaves Winterfell also, and goes to some other place in the North besides the Wall. Like Last Hearth, Bear Island, or White Harbor. But when the news of Ned's arrest spreads through the realm and Robb calls the banners, he travels back to Winterfell and marches south with Robb.
When they cross over the Neck and meet up with Cat, she and Jon will probably avoid each other, but the betrothal at the Twins happens all the same. Eventually, the battle of the Whispering Wood happens all the same, but with Jon and Ghost fighting right alongside Robb and Greywind. Jaime is captured all the same, they get the news that Ned was killed and Robb is still crowned KITN.
As the war goes on, Jon becomes Robb's right-hand man and receives some glory for himself. The singers begin singing about the Young Wolf and his brother the White Wolf. Terrorizing the Lannisters, fighting to avenge their father. Later on, when Robb announces his intention to send Theon away to treat with his father, Jon tries to convince him not to, but Rob has made up his mind and sends Theon away.
Robb gives Jon the task of watching Jaime since he absolutely trusts him, so Cat won't get to release him in this AU. When Jon accompanies Robb in the Westerlands, he takes part in the battle at the Crag. After the battle, they soon learn of the deaths of Bran and Rickon and the sack of Winterfell. In his grief Robb sleeps with Jeyne Westerling, soon after, he feels obligated to marry her. Jon is against it and they have a heated argument, an argument that results in Robb sending Jon back up North to retake the North from the Ironborn. After some difficulty getting past Moat Cailin, Jon finally makes it in the North and arrives to find the castle sacked. But deep down, he still has hope that his brother might still be alive out there somewhere, so he and his soldiers start to search for any survivors and begin repairing Winterfell. And also start chasing the Ironborn out of the North. He also hears reports from the NW about an army of Wildings amassing in force.
Back down south, Robb, who has just married Jeyne Westerling receives word that Sansa was married to the Imp. After realizing that Jon was right about everything, and after judging the lack of heirs he has, he decides to legitimize Jon and make him his heir. Cat is totally against this and even goes as far as to accuse Jon of killing the boys. This of course angers Robb to the point where he shouts at her and declares that until he has a son, Jon is the heir to Winterfell. Except this time, it's made publically known.
Things still go the way they do in canon. Robb still dies at the Twins, and Roose is still declared Warden of the North and marches up North to solidify his new status. However, with Jon up there, and having been legitimized as Jon Stark, things are more complicated for him now. When Jon finds out about Robb's death, he grieves for a long time and swears vengeance against Roose Bolton. This will become a full-on Northern civil war.
So, between chasing the Ironborn to of the North, dealing with the traitorous Boltons, and reports of a wilding army marching on the wall, Jon is gonna have his hands pretty full. I can see this being labeled, The War for the North.
(Edit) As a bonus, after taking back Deepwood Motte from the Ironborn, Jon goes to the Gift to deal with the Wildlings, and he treats with Mance Rayder. After some negotiating, they come to an agreement, in exchange for being allowed to settle somewhere in the Gift, Mance and the Wildlings must aid Jon and his crew in defeating the Boltons. Jon just needs to get the other Northerners on board, which will be hard, but not impossible since he'll take hostages to ensure the Wildling's loyalty.
After one of the battles, Jon might need the "comfort" of a girl's company, since he is still a horny teenager, and those campaigns do get pretty lonely. So he spots a certain ginger-haired, arrow-shooting girl in the Wildling camp and "steals her".
Concubine Ygritte anyone?

Fallout 4 and Fallout 76 both allow us to craft our own bases. While 76's C.A.M.P. is a mobile base establishment, Fallout 4's settlements were a mixed bag.
On one hand, you got to build multiple towns of your own and settle the Commonwealth. On the other hand however...

• There were 37 Settlements for Fallout 4, which is honestly beyond a few too many.
• Plenty of settlements had sub-par build areas or locations that were not great for people to actually settle in as a moderately safe place to live.
• The constant management of these many settlements was admittedly overwhelming.

I think that if Fallout 5 were to bring this system back, there would need to be some changes. For starters, reducing the number of Settlements down in the base game from 30 down to a much more manageable number of 15.
By making less settlements across the map, you increase the actual challenge of the game a tad while also allowing the devs to focus on making sure that each Settlement is actually satisfactory and ideal for the construction of structures with ease. An issue that Fallout 4 faced was that since there were so many settlements, well over half of them were on terrible terrain or were placed in locations that left a lot to be desired. Mods had to be employed to ensure that just about every settlement was actually to a likeable state of being. With a focus on only 15 settlements in the base-game, it will allow these player-made towns to be more scattered across the map evenly and ensure that each one is designed with quality in mind. No one wants another Hangman's Alley settlement.
Secondly, I think that there should be another restriction put in place. Allow the player to freely explore the landscape and establish 10 settlements without the need of joining a faction - 5 of which will be freely given to the player for exploration and 5 of which will be available to players after completing a simple quest.
However, by siding with a faction; there will be a settlement unlocked in which they want you to venture out and scout a location for them. Say for example, you side with the Brotherhood of Steel. They want you to secure for them a foundry so that they can smelt metal from scrap in order to more easily forge materials for repairs and production. In turn, the collapsed warehouse nearby becomes an ideal location to establish a small town of sorts for the BoS to have commerce while you get a settlement out of the deal.
Don't get me wrong, I am not asking for faction-specific settlements. Merely I am asking for there to be a faction-war system of sorts. After securing the Foundry for the BoS; you can then take up quests to wrest control from the other factions in the wasteland and gain the remainder of the settlements. For example - If I were to side with the local Coalition of Organized Survivors (CoS), I would have been instructed to capture a Parking Garage in order to convert it to be a prison for the raiders and bandits that have wracked havoc on the region. Or by siding with the BoS, they want me to then take this Parking Garage as their second major establishment and turn it into a barracks for them. Either faction I settle with, the player will get the rooftop level of the parking garage to make an easily defendable settlement out of.
Ergo, there are 5 settlements that are faction quest locked from the player. It doesn't really matter what faction you side with in order to settle the place. BUT choosing factions will net you new design aesthetics to build your towns with and some actual bonuses. For example - a BoS settlement will have someone always dressed in Power Armor on the defense of the settlement and weapons shops will net you a discount on energy weapons and repairs. Siding with Raiders will net the player with Raider aesthetics to build the settlement with, unusual chems to purchase, and cause Raiders in the wild to be less likely to aggro to the player unless from a rival raider gang.
Bonus. Recall the player-housing at the Home Plate of Diamond City? Why not replicate that at the 'capital' towns of every faction you can join? Do some favors for the BoS and you earn a deluxe bunk of your own at their HQ. Help out the local Coalition and receive a luxuary house that is surprisingly intact despite the bombs falling. Be a key part in helping the Ghouls clear hostile mutants out of a few places they can call home and they point you to a lead-lined bunker in their capital for you to call home.
I think this would be the best way to improve the settlement system for use in Fallout 5.

• Give us fewer settlements but guarantee the quality of said settlement locations.
  • 5 Freely Given Settlements
  • 5 Quest Reward Settlements
  • 5 Settlements that require the joining of a major faction to utilize
  • 5 Small-to-Medium Player Homes at the pre-established cities.
• Factions we team up with will provide some bonuses and new design aesthetics for settlement building.
• Factions will utilize the settlement locations in different ways, making the world feel more dynamic as repeat playthroughs will alter the very places we call home.

This is how I think Fallout 5 should improve upon the Settlement System at a basic level. Sure, there are other things that need to be addressed but if Fallout 5 brings back Settlements, they really need to get rid of the factor of many locations being disappointments.

I’ve been typed in MBTI but as a multitude of different types, and only once by Socionicists before (is that a word?), but was in a very unhealthy mental place then and I’m not sure it was accurate. I've filled out the questionnaire and tried to be thorough, although I think it comes across as rather muddled in some points, so I'm happy to clarify any bits. Thanks in advance for any help or input!
What do you study or do for a living? How did you come to do that? What do you like or dislike about it?

• I study medieval languages and literature and folklore at a PhD level. I came into this somewhat accidentally - I’ve always been interested in history (not solely medieval), but began to specialise a bit more and found I had a knack for picking up several dead languages quite quickly. I always say I came to it by accident, but that sort of downplays how much I love it, and how I’ve been obsessed with history since I was a child.
• I love getting perspectives from the past and thinking about different belief systems, how perspectives on the world have changed diachronically and vary geographically. I want to understand the people of the past, sort of as an example of innate archetypical humanity in incredibly varied contexts. Reading these texts helps me understand people I know, myself, and humanity as a whole better. I also love how varied my day can be - I go to new places each year, I work on different projects each month, and I solve different problems each day.
• I dislike some of the instability surrounding future jobs - although I’m in one of the best departments in the world for this topic, it can be very difficult to get a job post-PhD in academia, something that remains a worry despite not being an imminent problem to solve.

What else do you do on a daily basis? What are your interests and hobbies? Why do you do them?

• I work a lot and my partner says I don’t know how to relax. So a lot of my “hobbies” are doing things like learning extra languages (I recently started German), specifically languages that will be useful for my future studies/work.
• I work out pretty consistently, a mix of strength-training and cardio. I try to keep it even (although I read somewhere that a 60/40 split is optimal, 50/50 is close enough). I do this for a mix of health benefits, stress-relief (possibly could be considered a health benefit) and vanity. I will drop workouts when work becomes too busy though (it’s not priority number one)
• I like rock-climbing and hiking when I can, but I don’t do this daily.
• I plan future travels and work, and I also really like organising social events, but most of that is centred around organising and helping run departmental events at the moment. Despite this, I can be a bit of a shut-in on a day-to-day basis.
• I also play video games as stress relief, if I’ve completed enough stuff in the day. Games like Skyrim, Ghost of Tsushima, etc.
• I also spend a lot of time on reddit reading about various topics related to fantasy novels or videogames, mythology, psychology and psychiatry, various personality-typing systems, true crime (although less into this one than the others) also watch youtube videos about such things.

What are your values, and why?

• I value determination, grit, and intelligence in friends quite a bit, and a sort of “can-do” optimism
• I value inclusivity, I dislike cliquish behaviour.
• I sort of don’t know how to describe this, but I find it annoying when people try to interfere in my work to suit their agenda - I value a sort of friendly “live and let live” mentality.
• Following on that, I value approaching people with an understanding rather than judgmental mindset

Describe your relationships with family and friends. What do you like and dislike about them?

• I am not super hands on with my family - I live on the other side of the world from them - but I do like them, and keep connected electronically and through weekly or fortnightly Skype calls. I sometimes feel that they don’t really understand my interests, but they do care and try to pay attention regardless, and I know they see me as somewhat distant, but they see that as a personality quirk rather than indicative of lack of affection.
• I don’t have a super large friend group at the moment but have in the past. I’m focussing on quality over quantity at the moment, after spending a lot of time working in nightlife earlier in my life and having the massive social circles.
• I appreciate that my friends are intelligent, passionate, well-travelled and ambitious people.
• I struggle sometimes when friends don’t take me into account when I have done so for them, and I also sometimes find people a bit too caught up in their own worldviews and concerns without seeing what (to me) is the bigger community picture. I also really dislike when people try to apply moral pressure on me (that I have to care about a cause or I’m a bad person, etc.). I also find it frustrating when I’m the sole organiser of events or meet-ups.

What do you look for in friends? In romantic relationships?

• This was somewhat answered above, but I also enjoy outgoing and warm people, and people who I think I can rely upon. I try to take people as they come, though, and have had all sorts of friends.
• In romantic relationships, I like when people are ambitious, determined, and intelligent but also kind and passionate people. I like them to have a level of overlapping interests with me (my partner is also a medieval scholar, but works more with artefacts and museum work).

What conflicts have you encountered recently with other people? Why did they happen? Which kinds seem to happen on a regular basis?

• I can be accidentally rude at times without realising, and also can be a bit dismissive of views I think are dumb, sometimes hastily so.
• I can over-explain or simply talk too much or over-theorise
• I can be a bit of a people-pleaser
• A recent conflict was my trying to organise a departmental event and the other graduate students not contributing or seeing the larger picture of how that would help our department as a community, which I got very frustrated by.

What are your strengths? What do people like about you? What do you like about yourself?

• I work really hard
• I try to create opportunities not just for myself but for those around me. I think we (not the whole world, obviously, but those around me) can all succeed.
• I am thorough in everything and don’t really half-ass stuff.
• I am pretty friendly and always up for a chat or to be a shoulder to cry on, and am pretty nonjudgmental (one friend says I always try to attribute other’s actions to a positive motive)

What are your weaknesses? What criticism do you often face from others? What do you dislike about yourself?

• I can be impatient and don’t know how to relax/wait for things.
• Sometimes I can come across as weird or intense, and I wish I was better at toning that down and relating to people
• I get pretty insecure about what people think of me at times, and wish I was a little better or more confident there.
• I take on too much work - I have been called an “arbeidsoptimist” before
• Sometimes I can be overly conflict-avoidant - I’ll get frustrated by people, but try to work around that.
• I can be a bit hesitant about making decisions
• I have a moderately murky sense of self - hence the need for a typing questionnaire and struggles with self-typing
• When stressed, I catastrophise a lot, and can have quite a lot of anxiety about not living up to my potential or failing at the things I am working on.

In what areas of life can you manage well on your own? In what areas of your life would you like help?

• I am good at keeping myself on task and working towards goals, I don’t really struggle with motivation or such.
• I’m pretty good at building connections and friendships with professors and other people and maintaining a sort of warm, friendly atmosphere in workplaces.
• I need help at times figuring which information is important and which can be left out. My work tends to spiral outwards and things like page-counts in papers or time-limits in presentations seem horrendously oppressive.
• I need help with taxes.
• I sometimes need help figuring out why I’m upset about things.
• I would like help figuring out my socionics type ;)

What things do you dislike doing? What things do you enjoy more than others?

• I dislike cooking (it just doesn’t interest me, although I enjoy tasting different kinds of food, I am also happy eating the same thing everyday, which I do when I live on my own).
• I dislike things like taxes.
• I am struggling with this question. I guess I dislike when I cannot plan and have to wait and see about more information (not strictly a “dislike doing” answer). Unresolved problems or conflicts give me a lot of anxiety.
• I enjoy going to museums, climbing, exercise (while listening to a podcast about an interest, preferably in another language), analysing medieval literature, planning initiatives, theorising and brainstorming with professors and some friends.

What goals, aspirations, or plans do you have for the future, and why?

• I want to publish more articles in and outside of my field. I have a couple I’m working on now, which range from 19th century literature (recently accepted as a journal article!) to niche folklore topics (recently presented at a conference) to medieval travel literature (readying for publication), so that is my immediate term, along with some travel for language-study later in the summer.
• Long term, I want to finish my PhD and become a professor in my field at a research-heavy (R1 or the equivalent) university
• I hope to master more languages (I need working competency in 5 to even pass my PhD qualifying exams), and to do so, I plan to travel (and acquire funding for that).
• I also want to be a little closer to my family, and take care of my partner and eventually marry.

What kinds of things do you do to manage and/or beautify your environment (your room, your house, etc.)?

• I have a lot of trinkets, artifacts, candles, and pieces of artwork up in my room. They are pretty varied, from statues (a bronze buddha from Sri Lanka, a basalt Horus from Egypt, and so forth) to artwork (Dante’s inferno by Botticelli, a Dali painting is up too at the moment), to some tibetan prayer flags, etc. Basically just stuff I’ve gotten from travels or as gifts.
• I’m pretty clean, in all honesty. I don’t mind clutter, but I don’t like when things are dirty.

If you won the lottery and didn't have to work anymore, what would you do?

• Exactly what I am doing, but I’d have a nicer place to live and worry a little less. I acquire external funding for a lot of my travels, etc., so that stuff wouldn’t really change.

What traits do you find endearing that others might dislike? What traits are considered positive/neutral by others but tend to annoy you?

• I find it somewhat endearing when people talk a lot about their own interests. I can usually relate it to things I am interested in without needing them to do that for me, and I also usually just find those things interesting.
• I find it endearing when
• I sometimes find it difficult when people leave all decision-making up to me, even if they’re trying to be flexible/easy. I can make the decisions, but don’t always like to.

How do you behave around strangers?

• I am very polite, but don’t really engage with strangers that often. I can be a bit shy, and used to have a decent amount of social anxiety, but lately I’m just not interested in interacting with strangers.

How do you react to conflict? What do you do if somebody insults or attacks you?

• Conflict really causes me a lot of anxiety if it’s with someone I know or have to see in the future. In those instances, I usually just don’t end up in conflict with them: I’m pretty friendly and try to see people’s perspectives.
• If not, and it’s with a stranger, I kind of just ignore them.

Would you ever be interested in starting a business? Why or why not? What role would you play in it? What kind of business would it be?

• Not sure. I kind of prefer doing what I’m doing now - the research and teaching aspects. I don’t really know what sort of value I’d be adding to the world with a business, but I suppose if I could find something that was both interesting for me and seemed to fill a needed niche, sure.
• I like the business Facsimile finder, they make medieval manuscript reproductions. Perhaps something like that, or creating a sort of community centre/third place (I used to think about owning a pub, back in my bartending days).

How do you dress or manage your appearance?

• I keep things pretty simple, and try to stick to classic clothes (rather than trendy). Timeless and simple, more or less. That being said, I enjoy colours, and try to model my wardrobe a bit off of an autumnal palate (I got really into colour season theory a couple of months ago briefly, and was “typing” all of my friends and myself, now I just use it when thrifting for new clothes).
• I pretty much exclusively get clothes either as gifts or through thrift stores. I sort of really dislike shopping otherwise.
• I take care of myself physically, and keep a simple but effective skincare routine and eat moderately healthy. It stresses me out when things like skincare have too many steps, though.

Do you like kids? Why or why not?

• Yeah, I think kids are nice. I appreciate how much potential they have and how good-hearted and imaginative they usually are. That being said, I don’t always find them particularly interesting, so I guess more of a generally benevolent ambivalence from my end.

In what situations or times in your life did you feel most fulfilled, and why?

• I’m pretty fulfilled right now, in all honesty. I have work that challenges me but is super interesting and allows (and pays) for lots of travel, I have a loving partner, I have a relatively secure future for the remainder of my PhD programme (minimum four more years).
• I do wish I had a better social circle right now though, but I honestly haven’t put enough effort in to build one (I have two social circles but we’re all busy/inconsistent).

I (high school senior) have been recently feeling like my relationship with my mom is a bit unhealthy. I want to preface this by stressing that I do love my mom, and that she is a great parent by all counts—she keeps the house tidy, takes my younger brother and I to doctor’s appointments, plans vacations, packs us lunch, etc. She is an amazing parent considering that her childhood; her parents were neglectful and blamed their marital problems on her.
Still, I sometimes feel like our relationship lacks proper boundaries. Whenever she is angry with my dad, she will confide in me—telling me how he procrastinates, how he gets angry super easily, how she hates the presents he gives her, and all of her other gripes. She has confided in me about him since middle school, and I’m always put in the position of negging my dad with her. It often makes me uncomfortable, and it over time took a negative impact on how I viewed my dad, where I didn’t have a lot of respect for him. She will sometimes neg him to his face when my family is all together, so I have to either join in or defend him. She’s not wrong about a lot of the points—he does procrastinate and he does get angry easily—but it’s still tiring to hear about this. She also, since elementary or middle school, has harshed on my dad’s family (all nice people) with me, so I’ll have to agree or defend them.
She also tells me all the time about her strained relationship with her parents. They have very radical viewpoints, to say the least, and are terrible to her for her different political views. Every conversation between them turns into an attack on her. But my grandparents see me as the beacon of light for their viewpoints and try to force them on me, so I’m cagey with them about my views to try to keep the peace. She’ll tell me about all of the political “gifts” they send me and about all of their phone fights and the nasty emails they send her, and then I’ll have to talk through their relationship and her childhood with her to reassure her that she’s in the right. Hearing about them has become a little emotionally draining for me.
Despite all this, I’m labeled as the difficult one in the family. When my younger brother held off on buying a piece of clothing for an event until last minute, at which point it was too late, she told me I had to give him an article of my own clothing. When I protested because we’re different sizes and it was my only pair, she got super angry at me and called me selfish. She wasn’t at all angry at my younger brother. This is a pattern in our household, where I’m called argumentative for sticking to different positions when we talk about politics or town affairs and labeled as being too possessive over my things for not automatically giving them to my brother. And for the longest time, I’ve believed them.
The thing is that I know my mom loves me (she tells me a ton) and usually I really enjoy being super close with her. She and my dad aren’t abusive or even bad parents by any means. But I still sometimes feel like I’m held to different standards than my brother, and that I have to be perfect in their eyes. And sometimes it feels like they don’t actually love me for who I am. I just wanted to unload and to see if I’m just making a big thing out of nothing.

Sorry this might be a little long. I tried to be as detailed as possible!
Hello! I am 20 years old and a female. I’m not very big on socializing and tend to be pretty introverted, not because I hate people but because it usually is exhausting for me. I try to look out for people and don’t like to tell anyone about my problems or feelings; I am also someone who cares a lot about people but doesn’t normally voice it, but would rather show it through gifts or acts of service. I like to pay attention to the details of things and people, and I often have a weird feeling that I can “predict” people or know how they will be/are… and so far, I’ve usually been right. I have a strong moral code and will always advocate for the underdog. I think deeply about things and tend to have a lot of empathy. I experience things and feel that I also think of things differently than most people. I have a hard time explaining my thoughts, but I’ll do my best!
I don’t have any kind of mental diagnosis that could affect my mental stability.
My upbringing was actually very positive. My family has been big on religion since I was born, but it’s something that I take comfort in and agree with. It brings purpose to my life and helps me to be the person I am. I have two parents who love me and take care of me, and younger siblings that I love dearly. I have cousins who double as my friends, aunts and uncles who have me over all the time, and grandparents that I love so, so much. Having many younger siblings did tend to get lonely at times, especially when they were younger, but it taught me independence and I do my best to take care of them. I count myself as extremely fortunate to have such wonderful people in my life.
As a job, I currently work as a barista. To be honest, I don’t really like it very much. My coworkers are very nice and I get along well with them, and I also like a lot of our regular customers, but my manager makes it a very toxic and negative environment that simply goes against my moral code. I also dislike the fact that most people that I see, I only see them in passing. I’d rather have few deep, meaningful connections that many shallow connections, if that makes any sense? I do enjoy the idea of getting to make people’s days, and I like to encourage the bashful people and love seeing sweet children, too! Both customers and coworkers tend to tell me personal stories, and I really enjoy getting to know them truly and seeing what makes them the way they are. I also tend to think sometimes that I feel a higher calling. I want to be somewhere truly helping people. I feel that I need to make a difference and positively influence people.
Spending an entire weekend by myself would be nice. I don’t NEED human contact, and can generally entertain myself without becoming bored. I do, however, find it a little depressing when it’s TOO quiet, especially since I grew up with my environment being everything but quiet. Normally, I like being near people, especially if I’m not even talking to them. Just sharing the space with someone is comforting enough for me! Overall, though, I do need to be alone frequently and tend to run away from life sometimes throughout the day. I would probably find a weekend alone to be really refreshing, so I could connect with myself and not other people.
I prefer activities where you work alone. I like to bake a lot, especially because it makes me happy when people enjoy the things I’ve made! I greatly enjoy sharing my food. I also like to read and can also write, as they both provide me with the an escape from reality at times. My favorite parts about both is understanding and connecting with the characters in the stories. If I have a favorite character, I like to think about what they think about and how they interact with the world. I feel like it’s something most people would find mundane, but I could do it all day! I enjoy being outdoors and connecting with nature, but I don’t particularly enjoy sports.
I tend to be very curious about many things. I like to know how people work. Not normally objects, but people. I find psychology to be extremely interesting, and could spend hours watching true crime investigations. If I see a stray cat, I wonder how it feels and what it has experienced. When I see a person who is upset, I wonder what happened to cause it and how I can help. I can normally tell quickly when something is wrong, and I am usually good at figuring out what I can do to help and am able to read people to understand the best ways to comfort them. It makes sense thinking that in my head, but writing it down sure makes it seem confusing!
Taking a leadership position is not my preferred route. If it falls down to me, I certainly would try hard to make sure the people working under me are happy. I’d rather make the people around my happy than the company itself. I’d like to be an advocate for their rights and happiness if anything was unfair, and I would like for us to be a “team” rather than simply a workplace. I’d like everyone to have fun at work and feel like friends and family. I know the world doesn’t work that way, but I can certainly dream, right?
In terms of coordination, I feel that I’m in the middle. I’d rather play video games than any kind of sport. I don’t have the best balance or coordination, and I don’t typically do things that involve having a good sense of either.
I feel that I am typically artistic, and have a great appreciation for art. I’m not great at drawing, but I like to write a lot. I also think it feels nice to express yourself through music. I’ve done pottery and would like to start learning to crochet. I enjoy looking at certain arts, such as music and books. My favorite art in terms of drawing is abstract art. I love thinking of the endless possibilities of what it could mean, and also wonder how the artist felt when drawing the piece.
The past doesn’t typically have meaning to me. I can be sentimental about certain things at times, but I typically focus my energy mostly on the future. I do things in my present life to prepare for the future, and I have a positive outlook on the future. I don’t like to think of the things that I find unpleasant now, because I believe in a good, happy future where the things that currently bother me will no longer be able to affect me.
I typically will jump at the opportunity to help someone, especially if they are in my family. I do my best to make people’s days, and I try to be of service as best as I can. I used to be unable to say “no”, but I have since learned to enforce boundaries and would never do something that goes against my moral code. If I have a lot on my plate and someone asks me to do something for them, I will typically tell them that I will help them when I can or if I have the time.
Logical consistency is something that I find important, but I wouldn’t mind making exceptions for certain things. I take comfort in knowing that certain outcomes will always remain the same, as I get nervous sometimes when things are unknown. Since I normally can predict what will happen with certain people or events based on prior experience, I find it both interesting and disturbing when the outcome is different.
Efficiency and productivity are not my top priorities, but I do find them important. I like to be efficient in the things I do, but I will not go out of my way to find the “best” way to do something. I like to stay a little productive so that I don’t feel as if I haven’t done anything, but I am perfectly fine with sitting around doing nothing, too. It’s peaceful. I don’t like being in a rush.
Controlling others is something I never do on purpose, but I will admit I can manipulate sometimes. I would never negatively impact someone on purpose, but I am able to manipulate a situation if I find something to be unfair. I’m especially able to do this with the way my mind sees connections between people and things, as well as the way I see into other people’s minds and understand their feelings and actions. It sounds scary but I promise, I mean no harm! :)
Hobbies I enjoy include baking, playing video games, watching videos, writing/reading, and just being around people! I like to share the things I bake, and video games are fun because I can enjoy them alone or with my family. Playing games and watching videos, whether alone or with others, is fun and stimulating for my brain in all the right ways! I much prefer to write over speak, as I feel I can convey things better and express myself through writing. Reading allows me to look into the minds of other people and I think it’s just so fun.
Learning environments are something I normally can adapt to. Whether a teacher is strict or laid back, I am normally able to perform the same way. I can understand each side and typically earn the favor of teachers no matter their teaching styles. I tend to thrive better in environments where things are on a straight path, but I do like to express myself through various pieces of writing when possible.
When I have a project, I would much prefer to start it quickly and finish it as soon as possible. I don’t typically “wing” anything, although I won’t be torn up if something doesn’t go exactly according to plan. I’d rather break things up into manageable tasks and prefer to work alone. I strategize pretty well, but for the most part, I use the strategy as a guideline and like to be creative here and there.
My aspirations are to connect with and help people. I feel a calling to do something and be somewhere that I can help people and understand them. I want to make a difference. I want to be a part of people’s passions and learn their dreams. I want to know the mundane things about them. I want to learn, but I mainly want to help.
I fear being left and not needed. I also fear being taken advantage of and manipulated. I feel that I need to work hard in order to compensate for these things. I also greatly fear having no one to turn to. Being alone is nice, but being lonely is my worst nightmare.
The highs in my life are when I can be around people who don’t drain me. That good feeling after someone tells you you’ve made their day. That feeling you get after you and your family beat the level of the game you’ve been working hard at. The feeling after you look around at your clean room. The feeling after you finally quit that toxic job, or the feeling after someone eats the food you’ve made them. For me, all of those things paired with thinking about and understanding someone’s thoughts and intentions make me happy. They stimulate my brain, and give me that “AHA!” moment.
Lows in my life typically include feeling helpless. I hate when you don’t know how to assist someone, or when all you can do is sit with them. I also hate when people are cruel for no reason. I advocate for justice according to my moral code and I stand up for people as well as what I feel is right. I hate when I think I could have done something better. When I’m upset, I become pessimistic and tend to isolate myself. I hate being stuck with individuals who are unfeeling, uncaring, or narcissistic.
I tend to daydream more than I partake in reality. I have a hard time focusing on what is in front of me, and I like to think more on the hypotheticals. I daydream and think in order to gain a deeper understanding of the world around me, but it causes me to miss some of the simple things right in front of me.
Being alone in a blank, empty room would cause me to think about a lot of things. I would probably think of how to improve myself. I might think of birthday gifts for people, or the next thing I want to cook. I could think of nostalgic things, or the problems I am currently facing in my life. I think I would mostly think on self improvement and the interactions I’ve seen between people.
Making decisions is sometimes hard for me. I normally will go with what my gut tells me, unless there is an obvious logical choice. I tend to be indecisive sometimes, and like to make decisions quickly so I don’t have to think about them anymore. I don’t normally second guess decisions I’ve made.
Emotions are a big part of my life. I like to understand people’s thoughts and feelings, sometimes to the point where I will neglect my own. My own emotions can take me time to understand, but I can read most other people easily. I base my responses to things on how others are feeling.
Agreeing with others just to keep a conversation going is something that I find untruthful. If something goes against my personal moral code, I will either leave or change the subject. I will always kindly stand up for what I believe to be right. I tend to choose my battles, but I will never agree with something that I don’t believe in my heart.
Rules, to me, are made to be followed. Sometimes, I don’t mind bending them a little bit, but I do feel that most people should follow rules the majority of the time. I feel that rules keep things in order and are an important structure in certain places and environments.

In case you don't know, the Sun Princess is Princess Cruises' latest behemoth ship, carrying around 3,000 guests and 1,000 crew at full capacity. I just got back from a 2-week sailing and took meticulous notes on this epic new vessel. Here's my extremely detailed, no-BS review:

The Sheer Size is Nuts

When I say this ship is massive, I mean it's absolutely nuts how big this floating city is. Especially when you get off in ports and have to walk back down the dock to reboard - that's when the sheer scale of the Sun Princess really hits you. Even though it carries a ton of people, the only time it really felt crowded was during breakfast. The Eatery fills up quick and the International Cafe, which sits outside The Eatery doesn't lend itself well for crowds of people wiaint for their coffees. You kind of end up waiting in the middle of where the walking traffic moves.

The Medallion Life

Your entire cruise experience revolves around the new Medallion wearable device and app, for better or worse. I'll admit it has some creepy "Big Brother" vibes with how much it tracks your every movement and purchase. But the convenience it provides is undeniable.
The medallion is your modern day "cruise card" that you tap everywhere to make payments, order drinks, unlock your stateroom, get on/off the ship, and more. But what's crazy is the app can use the medallion to detect your location anywhere on board. Order a drink or meal through the app and the server will manage to find you anywhere on the ship to deliver it, usually within 15 minutes. Caveat: there were times when it took longer and other times when our order was marked "delivered" and it never arrived.
The medallion definitely feels like getting on/off the ship is way faster. The only time we ever waiting in line was for the few minutes it took people to run through security.
This made getting food/drinks almost too easy. On port days when we needed to get off the ship early for excursions, setting up a scheduled delivery of my Egg McMuffin, fruit plate in coffee was really convenient.
Fair warning though - if you're anti-tracking and value privacy over convenience, the ubiquitous Medallion system may not be for you.
Story: we were sitting by the Crooners bar having our nightly pre-dinner cocktail. The bar was packed on this night for some reason. A staff member in a suit started wandering the room, made eye contact with me from 40-feet away and then made a b-line for us. He wanted to sign us up for a wine/food pairing event they were having. I have to believe this is because of the tracking being done via the meddalion. They could see we drink our share of wine. It definitely felt like targeted marketing.

Premium Package Was Best for Us

We opted for the Premium beverage package at $80 per day and I'm glad we did for a few reasons:

1. If you need to have more than one device connected to the internet at a time, Premium makes sense just based on that (you can have four devices). The cheaper Plus package only allows one device, which was a non-starter for me needing both my phone and laptop to be online. I'm unfortunately not able to just live off the grid for almost three weeks and need to periodically check in with my clients.
2. The wine selection is way better with Premium vs Plus. As a wine drinker, the upgrade was 100% worth it.
3. Two free speciality dining meals are included, which was clutch on our 2-week cruise to break up the repetition of the main dining rotation.
4. Unlimited premium desserts and ice creams - a nice perk for those with a sweet tooth.

Basically, Premium removed almost any need to think about or worry over costs on board. For $80 per day, the premium drinks, speciality dining, better wines, desserts and internet made it an easy choice for our group's needs.
And for those wondering about the 15 drink per day limit (since there's almost a weekly post asking about it) - it was never an issue for me. I'm a scrotch drinker and to get a decent pour, you basically have to order a double. Even drinking doubles, I never got to 15 drinks/day. This even includes sea days where we'd typically have a mimosa or two with breakfast, a few cocktails/beers at the pool, an cocktail or two before dinner and then wine at dinner.

Staff & Service

I can't say enough about how incredible and friendly the service was across the board on the Sun Princess. Our room steward, waiters, bartenders - everyone went so above and beyond daily, it really elevated the experience. I'm always amazed how they remember everyone's names.
However, we did notice a clear slip in the quality of service in the second week compared to the first, likely due to a crew changeover partway through our sailing. Simple things like forgetting drink orders or getting meals wrong became more frequent from our new set of MDR servers.

Suites & Staterooms

We originally booked a balcony room. When the bid offer came in I followed some old advice and just placed bids on upgrades because "you don't have to take the offer if you don't like it." Well guess what, that's not the case anymore. My offer was accepted and we automatically became the proud recipients of a Reserve Mini-Suite for an additional $500. In hindsight, I'm glad it worked out. The room has noticably more space than a standard balcony room. These mini-suites are spacious, basically a separate living room and bedroom divided by a curtain you can close off. Having two TVs and an extra closet was great.
As mini-suite guests we also received a nice amenity of free premium wines in our room - on the second week they even topped us up with two more complementary bottles! I guess each week is looked at as a new sailing -- so you get two more bottles! Some older posts complained about the wine quality. It looks like it's been upgraded because we received a Pinot Noir and Chard from La Crema. Being California wine people, La Crema works great for us. If you can swing it, I'd highly recommend going for a mini-suite over a regular balcony.
That being said, I'd avoid the "Cabana" balcony suites. The layout is really bizarre and in my opinion a downgrade. When you walk out onto your balcony, it's not really a balcony. There's another area in front of your balcony that connects a few other cabana suites. The idea is that a few rooms share a private balcony with jacuzzi. However, it also means that walking out onto your balcony doesn't give you a private ocean view because there's this 20-30 feet of additional patio in front of you and everyone above you just looks down into your balcony area.

Dining Highs & Lows

Main Dining Rooms

It can be confusing because there are three floors (Decks 6, 7 and 8). We reserved dining in the MDR prior to the trip via the app for the first few days just so we knew there was a guaranteed place to eat. On night one, the dining room manager introduced himself to us and said he went ahead and booked our table for us every night of the trip. If we didn't show, it was fine.
Food quality in the main dining rooms (MDRs) was consistently good across breakfast and dinner. On port days, it's an "express breakfast" which just means a shorter list of options. Nothing mind-blowing, but solid and tasty. My biggest gripe here is the operating hours. On sea days, the MDR closes for breakfast at 9:00am. You basically have to choose between sleeping in a little, hitting the gym, or getting a decent breakfast.
Pro-Tip: Biggest breakfast tip is stay away from the scrammbled eggs -- they're gross. We figured out that the scrambled eggs come from a bag. If you want real, cracked eggs, either get an omelett or over easy/medium/hard/etc.

Reserve Suite Dining Access

The Reserve mini-suite gives you access to the Reserve Restaurant. It's a little bit more elevated of a dining experience and reservations aren't needed -- you just show up. We dined her a few times and it did feel more elevated. Unlike the MDR, the server in the Reserve Restaurant feels more personal because they're handling smaller groups.

Lido Deck

For more casual fare, the Lido deck had some surprises like an awesome made-to-order salad bar station that became my go-to for healthier meals between all the indulgent dining. The burger grill, taco station and pizza areas were pretty standard, but that salad bar slapped.

Lackluster Buffet

On the flip side, The Eatery buffet left a lot to be desired. Despite different themed stations, the quality was mid at best. We largely avoided eating at the buffet outside of quick breakfast grabs. The Eatery closes for breakfast around 10:00 AM. At which point if you move further into the ship, the restaurants that are normall Catch and Butcherblock become a buffet extension that's opened later -- it's kind of funky.
The layout of the buffet is weird and leaves people wondering if they're cutting in line especially when you go to the extended buffet at Catch/Butcherblock.
What's odd to me is you can go grab a million cheese plates, fruit plates or hummus/veggie plates at the buffet. But if you order those things through the Medallion app, it's not "complimentary." You have to pay like $4.99-$5.99 for those items. We still can't figure out why it costs $5 to order a tiny cheese plate but ordering a cheeseburger is free.

Specialty Dining Winners

We used our two speciality dining credits at Crown Grill and Butcher's Block. I was a little worried because I had read mixed reviews on here about both of these restaurants. However, both meals were really good and before you come at me, I'm a foodie guy -- I'd tell you if they sucked.
We chose Crown for my parent's anniversay dinner. The service was awesome and they made us all feel really special. The setup here is like a steakhouse, where you order your beef and then the sides are a la carte family style. We had a group of seven -- the manager just said "we'll bring you out all the sides, enough for your whole party" which was great.
The next week, we hit up Butcher's Block by Dario. I've never left a meal more full on a cruise ship than at this place. It's family style dining and they just bring out everything for you -- almost like a brazilian barbecue place. We started with a bread appetizer and a glass of wine while you wait for them to get the dining room setup. Then there's more bread on the table + veggies. Then the food starts coming out: beef tartar; beef carpaccio; etc. The main event is the massive tomahawks and porterhouse steaks they carve up tableside. They'll just keep putting beef on your plate until you beg them to stop. Finally, there's desert and a grappa digestif.
Both restaurants were great experiences and a very welcomed change from the MDR after a week of repetition. The food, service and overall vibe were a noticeable step up.

Spellbound

We also splurged one night for the Spellbound immersive magic/dinner experience and it was easily a cruise highlight despite the $150/pp price tag. After an elevated multi-course meal, you get ushered by a guy in a top hat into an exclusive hidden club. While waiting for the magic show, you hang out in their bar which is reminiscent of the Dinseyland Haunted Mansion. While enjoying your drink, there's a magician perorming more intement magic for everyone at the bar. Once they're ready for the show, you're brought into the room where the actual magic show takes place. Afterwards, you're welcome to hang out in the Spellbound bar and continue drinking.
If you're from LA, you probably know about the Magic Castle in Hollywood. Spellbound is an extension of the Magic Castle. Just like with the Magic Castle, you show up in formal wear. This means a coat and tie for the men and an evening gown/dress for the woman.
Overall, we really enjoyed it.

Room Service

This was hit or miss for us. You fill out the paper door hangar and place it on your doorknob before heading to bed. Then you hope and pray that it will actually arrive -- which in two of our instances, it never did. Your options are also super limited. You also may or may not receive what you actually ordered. With coffee for instance, you have a choice of ordering it to-go (paper cup) or stay (actual coffe cup). We always seemed to get the opposite of what we ordered to the point where it became a running joke for us.

International Cafe

This became our goto for a lot of things: coffee, snacks, quick breakfast food (pastries, coffee cake, avodcado toast, Egg McMuffins). Werid fact though: if you order the Egg McMuffin through the app, it comes as an egg patty just like McDonalds and with cheese. When you get the one at International Cafe, it's just an over easy egg and no cheese. Why they can't just be the same is odd.

Night Owl Needs

My main dining gripe was the lack of solid late night food options for us night owls. The Eatery buffet closed at an absurd 10:30pm, leaving only spotty room service or mobile ordering as the choices if you worked up an appetite after evening activities. More robust late-night casual dining would be appreciated.

Bars & Alcohol

Overall, great selection of cocktails. All of the bars have their own little theme and different menus. The ladies I was with were consitently impressed at the quality and thought of the cocktails at each bar. They were also super impressed with the quality of the glassware being used. I must admit, everything from the rocks glasses to the martini glasses really were beautiful.
If you just want straight spirits, you have to order a double to get a normal pour (they're actually measuring out the pours). That being said, with either Plus or Premium, you'll get a good selection of top quality booze.
You gotta try really hard to hit the 15-drink max. Some days I had drinks at breakfast, during the day, lunch, before dinner, during dinner and after dinner. I never hit my max.
One thing that impressed me was staff actually being concerned about drink quality. We were having drinks at one of the bars on the Lido deck. The supervisor was upset with the bartenders because they ran out of premium liquor and hadn't requested more. He made sure to remind them that when someone orders a premium drink they get a premium liquor -- no exceptions.
You also must checkout the Good Spirits bar. There's a few times throughout the night where you watch a live cocktail demonstration. The bartenders at GS are so fun and playful -- really makes for a great vibe.

Amenities - Hits & Misses

The gym facilities on board were a bit of a disappointment, especially for a new ship. While they had a nice assortment of cardio machines, the actual weight room was laughably small with only a few pieces of strength equipment that were always monopolized. Not a deal-breaker, but an area that could be improved.
The pool areas were nicely spread out across different sections of the Lido deck. On sailing days, there was typically a band, the DJ and then a random movie on the jumbotron. The random blasting of action movies at 3pm really ruined the pool vibe and it's typically when the deck would thin out. One minute you're relaxing in the jacuzzi, the next an action movie with explosions is shaking the pool area. It made no sense and seemed tailored for a much younger crowd despite this sailing's passengers being mostly older adults.

Technology & Support

In addition to the Medallion app, the overall internet speeds on board were fast and reliable enough for me to easily stay connected for basic work needs.
The technology support via the app's live chat feature, however, was utterly useless. Any time we had issues properly being charged for drink packages or had to modify reservations, the live chat was a time-wasting nightmare. You're clearly just talking to an outsourced rep with zero actual knowledge of Princess' systems or operations. Your best bet is to go in-person to the guest services desk.

Other Notes & Quibbles

• Dress codes weren't enforced at all. We did the whole suite/gown routine for formal nights only to see plenty of people still rocking jeans and t-shirts in the MDR. Same lack of enforcement for the "formal attire required" Spellbound event. Either lose the formal nights or enforce them.
• Our drink package tallies often had errors, with our group's drinks randomly getting combined onto one person's account. Always double check and ask for corrections.
• The "Cabana" balcony suite layout is bizarre - your balcony is just a shared landing in front of other suites, rather than a private space. We avoided these after hearing the lack of privacy.

I thought I would share my story here, because reading about everyone’s experiences has been so incredibly validating. So firstly; from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU everyone- in turn, I hope this helps someone, or that someone resonates with an experience, or adds to the collective consciousness of healing and realising that we deserve better. Because I need to believe that, I need to know this has been bad. I feel completely mental.
I’d like to start by saying this may not make sense and I’m a bit all over the shop rn and I apologise. And there are many, many things I could add to this that have added to the growing sadness and eggshell walking as the relationship went on, but I’ve tried to keep it small. I also want to say that you may be screaming at the screen wondering how I could be so stupid. And to that I say, me too. I am screaming at myself as well. As a 30-something year old woman, I acknowledge I was not the person I wanted to be in this situation. I wanted to be stronger.
I’m currently a couple of weeks out of my break up (or break up attempt 1 as I should probably put it, I’m still sending angry texts, receiving proclamations of love, wondering what if). I was with my nex (narcissistic ex) for nearly 7 years. We were meant to be getting married a week ago. For the last six months, my intuition had been telling me that a “friendship” he had with a coworker wasn’t right. This coworker was going through some stuff, and leant heavily on nex probably because he portrayed himself as a powerhouse at work who said whatever was on his mind and was always, always, always always right (newsflash he wasn’t). Nex has a saviour complex x1000 that I’d never let myself really think too hard about so he went hardcore “supporting her” and I sat on the sidelines thinking she needed that support. I won’t say anything about this girl but she’s not a girl’s girl. She’s a pick me. It kind of felt to me like- of course he’s not going to choose her, why would I worry about it. It’s too OBVIOUS. Like of course not? Look what we have.
Before this and during, Nex and I were planning on buying a house and were getting married (I was doing all the house saving, he had no idea about money but pretended he did, spent impulsively but was on a great salary, and I was doing all the wedding planning) and were planning on having a baby next year-ish. I had reached a point in my career that I was finally happy with, a career he said many shitty things about over our time together but it was the first thing he mentioned when talking to others and trying to impress. He had proposed at year 4 of the relationship (he always said he wouldn’t propose before 3 years because that’s how long his longest relationship was with his ex who he also cheated on). Red flag that yet again I ignored because I was different and this was different and I could change him and blah fucking blah.
Our relationship looked perfect. It really fucking did. I thought it was for a long time. I refused to think it wouldn’t be forever and wasn’t written in the stars. Behind the scenes, now I look back(ish) I realise I was struggling. I had raging PMS each month, often had depressive episodes that he would virtually ignore. I often struggled to watch movies where women had kind, funny and non reactive partners, I secretly envied my friends and their partners because they wouldn’t have to worry about what came out of their partner’s or their mouth next, or who their partner would fight with in the room, or how I would handle a public put down if he was in that mood or if I wasn’t handling myself perfectly. I walked on eggshells for years. I took his self aggrandising every day after work or sport as healthy self confidence. I was being slowly removed from my family as he argued with each one. He bragged about me and I felt like his trophy which I took as love and it gave me a false confidence I’d never had before when I was with him. When I spoke about him my inner voice said ‘wow, he really does sound great.’ His sister would often look at me and I felt like she always wanted to ask if I was really okay but I never let her. I had supported nex through addiction to weed/alcohol/substances of every kind (something I struggled to do because they have never been on my radar, just uninterested, and I was the bad person for that, I was the ‘child’ who wouldn’t immerse herself in the wonderful world of drugs), countless interpersonal issues at work and with his family, trying to support all sides, I had organised every home we had lived in, I organised cooking, cleaning, fun weekends, it was my goal to get him the most thoughtful and lovely presents I could find whenever I could. It was like it was my goal to be a fabulous girlfriend. I’m really not trying to pretend I’m perfect, but I can say 100% honestly that I put all I could into making him feel loved. He used to call me a unicorn, I guess because I just did whatever he wanted. However, I felt like I was going to bed in tears more often than anyone should. I got to the point where I wouldn’t put eye cream on because I knew I was just going to cry it off. Every Sunday morning I got a bit triggered by our local coffee shop because I always felt like that was where we were trying to pick up the pieces emotionally after fighting the night before over absolutely anything. I found this taxing, because never had I had such a tumultuous relationship with anyone before and I was wondering wtf was happening. He, on the other hand, often said how much he enjoyed conflict and he loved the feeling of anger. He said it to everyone and I always laughed it off. He said he was so good at handling people and he charmed so well, as he is incredibly good looking. He had issues with everyone - his bosses, his friends, his coworkers, his neighbours. We were in couples counselling after I couldn’t be yelled at anymore, and he had told a friend of ours that it was for me and not for him. I chose not to believe he said that because this friend had had issues with him too and I thought it might’ve been an attempt from them of triangulation. I believe them now. I’m so sorry to that friend. Two of his friends sent me messages on seperate occasions asking me if I was okay, that I didn’t have to put up with this.
Something I am proud of is that I, often, when I felt strong, and my brain worked, didn’t play along with his ego without a fight. I DID play devils advocate for the other person when he had yet another interpersonal issue. I DID call out his dogmatism. I DID expect more from him, that he didn’t have to yell CUNT or WHORE every time something went mildly wrong. However, there are times when I didn’t. And it was because I was just fucking exhausted.
Two/three months ago, and after I found a deleted phone call from the other woman that he lied to my face about, I started watching his find my iPhone which we had turned on when I went overseas a couple of years earlier but I’d forgotten about. It felt gross doing, I didn’t want to, but I also tried to justify it to myself by saying it’s my future, damn it, let’s see if I really am being ridiculous. One early morning while it was still dark, I felt him kiss me and say he was going to the gym. An hour later I woke up with an EERIE AS FUCK feeling and checked FMI. He was at her address. I called him and he didn’t pick up. I watched his car drive on FMI back to the gym and he conveniently called. I asked where he had been and he immediately gaslit me, said he was at the gym, FACETIMED ME TO SHOW ME and said that he couldn’t do my “jealousy” anymore. I broke down and told him I knew he had been at hers through FMI. He then started crying and said he visited her to call the friendship off “the right way” and that he told her that he cared for her but he had to stop because I couldn’t take it anymore and was too jealous. I bought it, as he never ever cried. I apologised. But from then on, my body was full of anxiety and pain. Life was on autopilot.
This happened a few other times. I had a weird feeling one afternoon on a Saturday when he said he was at the gym and had to pop into work to do some printing (not unusual). On autopilot, unable to feel emotions and probably looking completely mental, I got in my car, drove to the workplace, and saw both their cars outside. As I turned the corner to drive away, realising it HAD to be over now, you stupid bitch Charlie0987 it HAD to be over, I immediately got a call from him explaining away, can’t even remember what he said now. It’s not what you think, we have some important work to do that she can’t do alone, you’re jealous, she’s (the other woman) is angry that you even think anything is going on. I ended up apologising that night. Yep. However, at that point I did call off the wedding. I thought the wedding stress and money (literally, me fucking planning it, most of MY money) was the problem. I thought if we just eloped, we’d be okay. Calling everyone to call off the wedding while pretending to them and myself that it was all okay was fucked. I have no other way to describe it than completely and utterly fucked. He was then nice for a few days. I was heartbroken I couldn’t have the wedding I has envisioned, I didn’t let myself think of the love that was crashing down around me. Everyone asked me how the wedding planning was going, every day it was someone new. I had to pretend it was all fine and that we cancelled for financial reasons. It was hell. I will never again ask someone planning a wedding how the wedding planning is going until they bring it up with me.
All through this, I was supporting my friend with a very rare form of cancer (it doesn’t feel real typing this out, feels like some kind of shitty movie). I remember crying about it once on the couch and he said that my crying annoyed him, and that what the other woman had gone through was bad too. He said he didn’t want to have sex with me because I was too skinny (I was depressed and not eating) and cried too much and because I didn’t exercise and he was attracted to people that exercised (fair enough, but also fuck you). Still, through all this, I loved him, tried to be what he had loved about me for six years (compassionate and quiet) and told myself it was okay and it was a rough patch.
All through this, our couples counsellor was saying my attachment issue and abandonment issues was what was a huge part of the problem and that males and females have friendships and I needed to gtfo it. Like every human being I’m sure I have had fears of abandonment, and I do acknowledge I have relied on the safe feeling of men in the past. However, I NOW don’t think it was the main issue here. I don’t blame this counsellor if I’m honest, he was eating what was being fed to him by nex. And I wanted to believe it too. I was willing to work on myself and I was trying to see my anxiety for what I thought, and what I was being told, it was. Nex told me regularly when I asked him not to yell at me that I just didn’t understand real men.
A couple of weeks before D Day, nex asked for space to “miss me”. I went to my family, pretended he’d gone on a trip so I wouldn’t get asked why I was there, tried to show up for work, tried to be strong. I slept next to my wedding dress, still boxed. Those weeks were probably the worst weeks of my life. I didn’t know where he was, didn’t know who he was with, but we were still together, I didn’t eat, got medication to sleep, mindlessly partook in my hobbies to try to do the right thing and be the person he loved. He treated me like I was an annoying fly and either didn’t reply to messages or sent a few and then nothing. After four days of me barely eating and sleeping and looking like an emaciated ghost, I asked if I could come home (I loved our rental, it was such a safe space for me with my garden and my animals). He replied basically fine, and then for the rest of the week I was chastised for not giving enough space and that it wasn’t proper space. Couples counsellor agreed with him. A week later I said fuck it and went again, feeling a bit stronger this time. On day 3, I felt sick all day. I had a nap in the afternoon and felt dread. I had received no messages, but I messaged that I loved him that night. He love hearted it. I found out later he had been with her all day, but don’t worry, it was for a good reason he said. Intuition yet again picked that one up.
The next morning I got up, packed, and went home as it was our agreed upon day that I’d return. I said to him this is actually it, I can’t take this anymore. I am physically and mentally wrecked. It’s been six years. You’re a big boy. You’re either in it or you’re not. It was a big conversation, and we agreed that we would be in it together, the relationship was worth saving, and I would step back and agree to believe in his supportive friendship with this girl and no longer worry. He also agreed to tell me if he didn’t want to be together anymore, or if anything came up regarding this relationship with the girl. We set a date to elope for end of year. He went to the gym, and I remember saying to him I was so happy we’re choosing us. He kissed me and said me too. I felt elated and safe. I then re packed my bag, as I was taking my friend to her first cancer treatment the day after.
When he got back from the gym, he went to the shower. Now we had agreed with the couples counsellor not to check each others phones for a while. I had been okay with it, and didn’t have an issue leaving his phone. But once he got into the shower, my intuition, my chest, my body, SCREAMED at me to check his notes in his phone for the first time in weeks. I went into notes and found a text drafted to the other woman. It said something along the lines of “X and I have agreed to a break when she takes her friend to cancer treatment. I told her I wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore but I was to you. I’m feeling so over it now she’s home, I want more space” plus some other awful stuff that I’ve buried down and can’t quite remember. At no point, ever, did we agree to a break. I dropped his phone, went into the bathroom, and told him I was leaving. I can’t remember much of the next few moments. I do remember he turned it on me for looking at his phone, then him crying. I remember screaming, screaming screaming at him. I had raised my voice hardly ever in our entire relationship so I can imagine that was a moment for him. But I just screamed. I asked if he was planning on trying to sleep with her when I was with my friend for radiation. He nodded. He blocked me from the door to “talk” and tried to grab me into a hug. I screamed and screamed. I put (the most random shit btw, a dress, some acne cream, a book??) some things into a bag and I got into the car, howling. And I sat there a moment and I STILL WONDERED IF I SHOULD LEAVE.
I STILL WONDERED IF I SHOULD LEAVE.
And I did. I drove away from our beautiful little secluded rental that I had poured my love into and was hoping to raise a baby in. I knew I couldn’t afford the rent alone but he can even with his pathetic spending habits and I can’t live in the place of our memories. I went to my family and fell apart. I’m not going to disclose further about my mental state or what happened but I got sent to be with other family for a couple of weeks in another state. He has been messaging me ever since. Promises of change, of moving away, of starting again, of selling a property that he bought before us and has sat doing nothing our entire relationship and was the reason we couldn’t buy our home, (frustrating that he reaps the reward of that now), saying he has blocked this other woman from his life (he still works with her and I refuse to believe he hasn’t had ongoing contact). Oh and on the day I drove to be with my family in another state, the universe decided to let my car meet her car, with him in it, at an intersection. He crouched down like the coward he is. She looked like a stunned mullet. I waved at her. I was hysterical. Can’t even remember it fully but I remember the feeling. That’s the love of my life in there with another woman. It. Was. Fucking. Hell. On. Earth. I still can’t believe that happened. What were actually the odds of that happening?
I’ve gone through so much anger towards her but I KNOW it’s misdirected. I’m slowly moving towards anger towards him. I haven’t messaged her telling her how my life has been destroyed and I won’t. I think she will thrive on it and she has a young kid who my heart bleeds for. And I have so much anger towards the series of events that had to happen in the first place and what feels like the wasted last 7 years of the best years of my life. I miss my home and my non-existent child and I miss arms around me. I miss him when he was nice. I hate that I don’t have what everyone else around me seems to have at this age, what I want so desperately. Please, please let me know I can get through this. Let me know I can’t go back. Please tell me this is abuse and it won’t get better because I am struggling to believe it. I’m also super fragile right now so if you want to say anything mean, just hold it for now and bring it to me later.
Love to you all. X

I'm a beginner at Korean and I want to give my teacher a gift. I want to say "I'm thankful to Teacher so I want to give you a gift. How can I give the gift to you?"
선생님에게 감사해서 선물을 주고 싶어요. 선물을 어떻게 줘요?
Please correct me if I'm wrong. I just used the words and the grammar I know to make it sound naturally from me. Thank you.

So, I've kind of posted about this in other threads, specifically on askreddit, but by some users request, I will do my best to fully relay this entire tale up to the current point, as well as provide as much context I am able (and will provide missing context if asked in comments).
TL;DR
A friend of mine of 4 years drank himself into liver failure and his wife cheated on him, so I offered him a free room to try and put his life back together, and I was repaid for the thought with a divorce of my own, but honestly, it's probably not that bad.
Part 1: CONTEXT
Me and my wife have been together since early 2014, and married in late 2017. We have been through much together, including two extended deployments, one of which was 10 and a half months long. We have traveled the world together, lived on both coasts of the US, and despite much of our struggles and how things eventually went down, I was always convinced we would work as a team to overcome any issues.
The friend in question was, largely, an online friend. We met playing an MMO during covid and we quickly formed a very tight knit, but small, community that were very close that included me, my wife, my friend, his wife, and 4 other friends. Covid was a wild time and I was surprised how easy it was to form friends in this group and we kept in touch, as a whole, even once quarantine had ended and most of us had moved on from that particular game. This was a group that, while it started online, we have met most of these people several times IRL and had vacations to spend time together and just hang out.
Part 2: His Problems
Fast forward to about January of 2024. My buddy, from here on out I will refer to as Z (and for a quick add, I will refer to my wife as D), contacts us to tell us his condition is dire and he has been diagnosed with stage 4 cirrhosis of the liver as a consequence of his extensive drinking. Shaken, we quickly charter a flight out to visit. Within a week, we're staying with him and his wife and his roommate and a couple members of his family who are taking care of him. This man is bloated, yellow, and probably about 350lbs now. We are worried, but stay supportive and positive that help can be found, especially since he seems keen on changing his lifestyle for the better. Some of his family start a gofundme that we donate to, and many of the people in our gaming circle who have grown close also donate several thousand dollars (One member of our raid team donated 10k. You never know who is stealth rich on the internet I guess). Me and several other friends discuss the possibilities of helping him get on disability and even getting ourselves tested as compatible living donors. Sad, but hopeful, we depart about a week later, and stay in constant touch.
About a month later, I'm getting a call from one of our mutuals letting me know that "Hey, so I may have goofed up." and tells me how Z's wife had visited him and had a 3 way with him and his wife. I am obviously irate at this and turn to back Z up with comments like "So much for in sickness and in health, huh?" I do what I can to stay supportive, and my wife, D, also makes it a point to stay in touch with him as he has found himself banished to the couch of his apartment. Not even allowed to sleep in his own bed and frequently uncomfortable even being in his bedroom to use the PC.
I'm not particularly rich, but I am not poor either. I served in the military and have a high VA rating which means a constant income and have a steady job and a couple side gigs that pay well enough. My love language, in many ways, is gift giving. I pride myself on being able to pick a good gift, even if it's a little early for an occasion such as a bday or christmas, and will often pull the trigger on something if it means a lot or I think it will help. In this case, my brother was selling an old steam deck because he wanted a new OLED model, so I figured "two birds, one stone", and buy the steam deck off him and send it to Z so we can still game together.
In the intervening months, Z and D start playing games that I have no interest in (Disney Dreamlight Valley), but I am happy to play other games and hang out and chat. Really, nothing seems amiss, but since his banishment, me and my wife are both pushing for him to come and take up the spare bedroom we have in our home. Soon enough, I buy him a plane ticket and he arrives with little more than the clothes on his back and we take him in, no cost other than the expectation that he might help around the house a bit (he was a chef, so having a cook and someone to help clean was ideal for me who often did not have the time or energy to handle these tasks as thoroughly as I would like).
Part 3: The Incident
Now, I am skipping ahead a little bit here, but there's not much to be said about the time between. My wife worked part time hours, and when she did go to work, she'd have him tag along just so he wouldn't "Sit and stew with bad thoughts" at the house alone. I will admit that throughout this entire ordeal, I have had several, several times where my brain tried to warn me, but I ignored ALL of those signs because I trusted him, but more importantly, I trusted her with my life.
One new, frequent argument I found myself having with her was she would fall asleep on the couch, and when I finally tried to go to bed, I'd do my best to wake her and drag her upstairs. These became extremely frequent occurrences and I expressed to her how frustrated I was that I had to fight with her just to come to bed so we could sleep (mind you, this is not even about sex. Often I'm taking her to bed at like, 1am and I work at 7, so I really just wanted her to be sleeping in the bed). Hell, one time, I started catching the vibes that the longer I sat and waited for her to be ready to go upstairs, she just never would be, because they were waiting for me to leave so they could talk in hushed tones. On THAT particular night, I went upstairs alone with her finally awake, and she did not join me for another half hour.
Finally, the day arrives. Its Sunday. We are all downstairs hanging out. One of their newest habits I can't really stand but just dealt with is that she'd sit and crochet while he doomscrolled or strummed on a guitar I bought him and listen to music videos on youtube endlessly. Eventually, I grow weary and give my wife a kiss and tell her I'm gonna go upstairs and play some GW2 for a bit.
About an hour passes, and she enters the game room and tells me "I am uncomfortable. I really need to talk to you. Oh, you're dying!" (As she entered the room, I immediately turn face to talk to her and disregard the game, but she decided that my Charr was more important that what was about to happen, so she of course warns me.) We step into the bedroom and close the door.
"You're going to hate me," she says through tears, "me and Z kissed!" At this point, my brain short circuits and I recall one of my first thoughts being "Oh lord, here we go." and just a general desire to not be a part of this conversation. Shock sets in almost immediately. Still with a healthy dose of denial, I talk to her about what had happened and told her that it needed to end. Even at this point, I did not want to send this man home. Was it shock? Denial? Probably a mixture of the two, or some other additional emotional responses. She gets up after some discussion and goes downstairs, promising to shut him down, but comes back about 15 minutes later sobbing "I couldn't do it! I couldn't end it..." (Side note: In my confused haze of a mind, I feel personally threatened, and after she leaves the bedroom, I lock the door and grab a metal water cub I keep at my side and prepare to actually fight if it comes to it, but once she returns, I back off that idea again.)
Talking with her more, I present her with two options; Couple's therapy, or divorce. BOTH of these options are world ending to her, and she even goes so far as to suggest that just because I said the "D word" that it was what I wanted, which was objectively untrue. We talk back and forth about things I don't quite recall at this point, aside from one point where she comes back and locks herself in the master bath and tells me to call 911, she doesn't care, because she's going to take a bunch of pills, but after a couple of hours, Z shows up to the door and knocks and asks if he can come in. I tell him he may enter, and we talk for a bit. After about 5ish minutes, we decide to go downstairs to the living room and continue the discussion.
Once I sit down on the sofa, I immediately feel like I'm being positioned as the bad guy. I'm in the corner of our sectional, and she's on my left, he's on my right. She tells him "He said it's either a divorce or couple's therapy." "Oh, so he gave you an ultimatum?" I continue to argue that yes, those are the two only options. Z tells me "You're not being fair to her emotions. She is telling you there is another option." I am thoroughly baffled at this statement.
D: I didn't think it was possible and I didn't mean for it to happen, but I have fallen in love with another man. My heart has room for two. I truly have two soulmates. I have never been happier than sleeping on the couch next to my two boys.
Z: There is no reason you guys can't stay married, and we can explore what we've found. I mean, look at how happy she has been since I have been here!
Sick to my stomach, I get up to go vomit in the toilet. Now, I wore a silicone wedding ring, and often find even with a hand wash, a little water tends to get trapped under it. After I finish and wash myself up, I come back and am playing with my ring to dry it. She sees this as a sign that I am uncomfortable again wearing my ring, and takes off her ring as I sit back down and hands me her wedding ring.
Me: Uh, excuse me?
D: This is what you want, I can tell.
Me: No? I was washing my hands and water gets stuck under my ring...
D: Oh... I thought... okay. (And she takes back her ring from me)
I tell her, very clearly, the options are to either end things with him, or end things with me. At this point, I'm still in shock, but sober in mind enough to decide that this is not worth fighting over. I will not argue with my own wife my merits or why she shouldn't just pack up and leave with a jobless, now essentially homeless man, and if she cannot figure that out herself then I will eventually move on.
Crying, sobbing, she sits down in front of him and says, "I'm so sorry, I fought for you. I really did. I told you I'd fight for you and I failed. I loved being your girlfriend, but I need to be a good wife and stay."
Z says "Alright." and starts to go gather his things to leave. As he does, she grabs him and says "No, wait! Please don't go. I don't know what I want."
Z: Ok, well if we're getting all this out in the open, I want to say this. I love this girl. I love her with my whole heart, and without her, life is not worth living. I will not leave this house if you (me) tell me to. Only her. You are taking this very well right now, I can tell you want to hit me (Still in shock, no, I can genuinely say that emotion or thought had not actually registered outside of the event upstairs earlier), but this is my stand.
D: OP, we had a good run. I'm sorry.
And with that, I get up and go to get my sandals and leave the house to get some air. As I try to go, she runs to the door and he follows her. She pushes the door closed and says "No wait, please!"
Me: No, this is the deal. I'm going out to get some fresh air. I am not threatening self harm to "win you back".
D: Will you be back?
Me: I don't know.
Z: Man, I'm telling you, you don't understand, you think I am your enemy, but I am not.
And with that, I leave and shut the door.
In the about, hour, I am gone, I drive around near the house and I call my supervisor who I have a very good relationship with (and I did not want to involve direct friends or family yet because I'm afraid it's too early to start spreading this news). I go over to her house nearby and we chat shortly. After our talk, I have at least something of a clear head and go home, with words for both of them.
As I arrive home, there is no one downstairs. I go upstairs. His door is closed. I knock on the door.
Z: Uh, one second.
I wait for about 5 agonizing seconds, but I refuse to be shut out of rooms in my own home and open the door. He is shirtless, and she is hiding in the corner just out of sight of me. I look him in the eye.
Me: Really?
Z: Yep.
Me: Get out of my house.
And with that, they both silently pack their things and leave.
The second I hear the front door close, I start calling people. I am not above pettiness, and the first person I call is her mom, whom I have a good relationship with. She is SHAKEN and immediately calls her. (I find out later that it was a particularly harsh verbal beating by her, but it really doesn't change anything.)
When I come downstairs to check the state of the house, I see her wedding ring on the counter. I call out of work the next day and lay down and hope I die.
Part 4: Her Problems
So, there is some additional context that I did not add in part 1 because a lot of it is red flags I ignored over the course of our relationship that, in the days following, started to become more and more obvious. There are many that I spent much effort playing off or covering her for, but I will try to briefly list much of what I see as glaring issues in the relationship that were never remedied.
This woman is 30 years old and cannot drive. She can drive and HAS driven my vehicle at the start of the relationship (albeit illegally), but after one tiny little accident where she hit a pole and knocked my side mirror off (which she paid for and fixed before telling me, it really wasn't a big deal. I was on deployment), she never drove again. Attempts to get her behind the wheel would end very quickly after they started, and the conditions to get her in the seat were often extremely time limited, scheduled, or something would come up, and every time I told her "okay, this month we're getting your license for sure" it just wouldn't happen and I'd end up feeling like the one who was at fault.
She does not have her Bachelor's degree because she did not turn in her final project for one single class. Not only that, but she has never truly pursued a career with the things she learned from the coursework, or even used her AA.
For half of the relationship, she did not work at all. When she did, it was often part time work, and if she was saddled with full time hours or, god forbid, overtime, it was a world-ending affair. She would come home and constantly be tired from her few hours at work and would do little more than sit around and crochet.
Our agreement when we bought our house was that she was going to work full time and we were going to split household duties, but I would definitely scoop the cat box because she was allergic (but she wanted cats) and wash dishes (because she hated them), and she would do laundry (because I hated it). In practice, all her version of laundry turned out to be was to throw loads in when one of us was out of clothes and just hit wash and then rotate, and then leave all the clothes in a pile on the bed. EVERYONE KNOWS folding the laundry is the worst part! Come on! Men's clothes are easy! I don't wear that much! (When we would fold, I often finished in a third of her time and would just hang out and chat until she was done)
Ultimately, this meant that for many years now, she was working barely more than part time if she was working at all, and would sort-of do laundry. Meanwhile, I am scooping litter, folding laundry, doing dishes, doing all related yard work, doing all the household cleaning, handling all the finances, I did MOST of the cooking, and all of the grocery shopping (often going alone), driving her from work if I could (she'd uber it if not) and picking her up and driving her home, as well as just generally being a chauffeur for her for 10 years, while working a full time job and a side gig online. Many nights I'd have to stop what I was doing to pick her up at closing hours, and then would sit in the parking lot for 30 minutes while she did tasks like vacuum her little crystal shop that she definitely could have done before close so I didn't end up waiting so damn long. Then we'd come home hang out and eat while we watched TV, and then if I wanted to try and go upstairs to do another hobby, I'd be silently guilted about it because she wanted to sit on the couch and crochet.
Part 5: My Problems
I am not perfect, and admit I have flaws. One of her favorite things to claim to our friends now is that I was "emotionally neglectful", and if there is truth to it, I think I can pin down the day. Before I started working full time again, I was going to school on the 9/11 GI bill. I was not a good student in my younger years, but in time, I have become rather good at school. My first two semesters back I easily maintained a 4.0 GPA. Over the summer in 2022, I, woefully, decided to take a Calc 2 class online because I could not find one in person and wanted to be ready for Calc 3 in the Fall to fill a prereq for my bachelor's, and I really liked the instructor for that Calc 3 class. This calc 2 class was painful. The instructor had clearly recorded all his lectures during Covid and we were simply given the full course of videos and given work assignments and said "Email me if you have questions." This is not how I learn, but I figured, hey, it's one class. I'm working again, but one class isn't a huge deal. I can knock this out.
I was wrong.
After the second exam, I had a low C in the class and I knew I couldn't keep up. I withdrew from the class feeling no other option. I tend to be pretty good at math, and ultimately my dream was to work with 3d printing on an industrial scale with a Mechanical Engineering degree- and if that failed I had my military history (which is engineering relevant) and a degree to fall back on and work should come easily. After clicking that withdraw button, I saw those dreams vaporize. After that, I threw myself into my government civilian job full time and slowly fell into depression. By the end of our relationship, with the toll of doing 99% of the work around the house and for her and with my dreams dead and buried, at age 33, I would wake up and pray I died. I would never kill myself, but I wanted to just die. I felt backed into a corner. I still did everything I could to support her and hoped that one day, she would pick up some of the load and maybe, just maybe, I could go back, but that day did not come (At least not in the way I expected).
Part 6: The Aftermath
This post is already too long, and if I include every single detail that has come to light since, I might actually hit the post cap, but I will go over at least some of it here.
I have had my friends come out in droves. Both of them have been effectively exiled, at least from what I can see, from every friend circle we have. After a couple of days, they flew back to live with, I guess, his parents in Vegas while they sorted shit out, because after I spoke with Z's previous roommate, he adamantly explained he was tired of all the "fucking drama" that Z had been bringing into the house and was just done with it.
I have spoken with many, many people and gotten even more context and even receipts of some of each of their conversations to our mutual friends, and some of the shit I read is just hilarious. He is "not ashamed of pursuing happiness, he is just sad that people got hurt". She is "coming to terms with emotional neglect and felt trapped, but now, yes now, she is free."
I got my neighbors to watch the cats, and took my dog up to visit my closest friend of 20 years and spent about a week and a half drinking, smoking, and talking about all this while surrounded by some of the most beautiful nature the US has to offer. Truly, without this man, I don't think I'd have gotten this far as quickly as I have. He really has been a lifesaver and I truly, to my dying day, will always appreciate him.
Paperwork has been filed, we wish to remain on good terms, and one day I still do hope I can be a friend to her, but she is woefully immature and incapable of adequately performing in an adult society. I have quit my job and am returning to school with a much lighter budget and will be getting that degree I desperately need.
It's been hard, real hard. I have put every ounce of my being into this relationship, and I truly felt like she was part of me, and nothing like this could ever happen. But it's that trust that allowed this to happen. I do not hate her, I'm just disappointed. I will pick up my pieces and, hopefully, find myself whole again soon.
Part 7: Rambling anecdotes
These are some stories I wanted to include in the previous body of text but didn't feel like it kept the same flow (if there even is any at all, I'm not proofreading this). If I remember any others after I post, Ill just toss them in the comments.
Early after Z came to live with us, my mother came to the house to drop off a package. I am pretty sure I was at work, but when my mother came to the door, both of them answered the door and the way my mom describes it "First of all, do you answer the door at your friends house? Also, the way he hovered over her made me uncomfortable. They were in the doorway and he was right up behind her poking his head out." She said my wife had told her that I was feeling unwell and was upstairs sleeping. I can't even be sure at this point.
Shortly before all the things happened, my parents were going out of town to celebrate their own anniversary, and I had agreed to dog-sit their 5 month old puppy (who, while cute, has WAY too much energy and was EXTREMELY difficult to handle, and I have raised several dogs at this point). We met up and took the dog, and then ALL of us (including Z) went to dinner. At dinner, my mother looked at my wife and asked, directly "And so how long have you been married? 6, almost 7 years? Well at least you missed that 7 year itch, huh" and my wife shortly followed with a comment about how she was not hungry and did not eat dinner that night.
All of this happened WHILE THIS CRAZY PUPPY was running around the house, and part of me thinks he pushed this to happen when it did because he could not stand having to help take care of this dog any longer (2 days).
About a week after all this happened, my wife did not text or call me, or respond to any messages or emails I sent her (I didn't send many, but they exist). Frustrated, I text her and tell her I need to talk to her about logistics moving forward, specifically about her belongings. She told me "I will talk to you when I am ready." We did not talk for another week. Also, she told me to stop talking to her mom. (I have a good relationship with both of my in-laws and while her step-father tried to remain impartial to the best of his abilities, he gave me some of the best advice I could possibly have gotten at that time, mostly about how to move forward and cope, as he has personally dealt with this with smaller relationships 3 separate times in his life which he gave me details on, and we are still on good terms.)
Their favorite TV show to watch together was Outlander, which, if you aren't aware, is basically a story about a woman who time travels and has two men in her life.
One of our biggest constant points of contention was my friendship with an old high school buddy (who I spent much of the time in the aftermath hanging out with while healing). We believe, with good reason, that she hated this man because after I had almost been hospitalized for psych reasons due to stress, he had told me I needed to talk to her about working again and doing more to help around the house. She figured out, obviously, who was telling me to say these things, and sent a very, very angry text to his wife. They all apparently made up, but I know she never let that grudge go.
One of the fairly recent hobbies I got into was D&D. It seemed like a good fit for all of us. She loved fantasy and gaming, I enjoyed 3d printing and story telling. She needed friends, and a party of people hangin out would give her at least a few connections to start. Every night she "participated" in D&D, she mostly sat quiet and did not do anything. Hell, I tried to get her to participate in 2 different games, and after she left the first one, she asked to just sit quietly in the discord call (This first one was online only, second was in person) and listen, which was super awkward. In the in person game, after 3 months of playing, she did not know how to play her character at all, and mostly spent her time at the table crocheting. (My buddy even made a comment about how at one point, he was proud of how good I was getting at DMing and I was giving particularly good exposition, and she interrupted me to hand another player at the table a dice bag she made. I don't remember it, but I absolutely believe this happened.)
The day of "the incident", she had a meltdown about how a friend of hers had ghosted her. I told her it was okay, she was much younger anyway and people grow apart. She's probably going through stuff and we should respect that path she's on. She cried about how she has no friends.
Also the day of "the incident", we were in the shower together and she told me she had met her sister's new BF on facetime. I asked "why did she break up with her old one?" "Well... she cheated on him." "Oh, that's a shame. Cheating is probably the most cowardly act a person can do to another. If you're going to start a new relationship, you need to grow a pair and end it before starting a new one." She clearly took my words to heart.
One of my biggest pet peeves about cleaning the house is our dog sheds, a lot. If I see a hairball roll through the house it immediately drains me a bit. We had a roomba. She would send that thing home when it started and never start it again. It barely ran. She would not vacuum.
One of the most common descriptors of her I've heard used by many people now that they're "allowed to" is "She was there, doing the thing with us, but it was like she wasn't there."
Something she thought that I apparently hadn't figured out by the time we talked after everything happened was that they had been talking since February. I told her I wasn't stupid and had figured it out already that this wasn't out of the blue.
Z's wife is currently pregnant with the baby of the man she cheated on him with. (And he is also married)
Anything else I remember Ill leave for comments, I know there is much, much more.

My husband [31M] and I [26F] met online ten years ago and did long-distance between visits until I was able to move in with him when I was 21. Looking back though, I'm pretty sure he may have groomed me (I was 16 and he was 21 when we started talking) but I'm not sure, I'm still working through alot of stuff tbh.
The months leading up to our wedding was when he became emotionally and psychologically abusive, he'd always had a bit of a short temper but now he was quick to deliberately say hurtful things when he got mad. He would throw and break things in front of me when his temper flared, and make threats to hurt me if I didn't stop pissing him off. Sometimes he'd scream insults at me so loudly my ears would ring and I could feel the bass of his voice in my chest from across the room.
He wouldn't give me space during arguments when I asked for it either, he'd follow me from room to room insisting we had to settle things right away; he'd swear to lock me out overnight if I tried to go on a walk to calm down, then claim I never cared about him if I didn't respond to him. He'd push me until I exploded at him and then scream at me for being such an abusive bitch. At least twice our neighbours called for wellness checks on me, he would apologise to the officers and we'd pretend that we had no idea our little argument had gotten so out of hand, but as soon as the door closed again it was always my fault; he wouldn't have behaved that way if I had just used my brain and not made him so angry. Its so twisted, the way I provoke him and then play the victim.
Three years of this and too many breakdowns later, I told my family everything I had been hiding from them out of shame and they got me out of there. I'm back home now, preparing to file for divorce but I can't stop feeling so dumb for how much time I wasted on him- and ohmygod, the moneeyy 😩 so much money on visas, travelling, care packages, post cards, letting him spend entire paychecks of mine on weed & video games to make him happy!! All for what?
I know I'm only 26 and I thankfully got out while still very young, but I'm so angry I wasted a decade of my time being a bangmaid to someones crusty, deadbeat son! All the life opportunities I turned down to sit on skype with him so he wouldn't feel rejected and get depressed; I didn't go to college after graduation, rarely saw my friends and never stayed out late to hang out with them, I haven't even learned to drive!! Talk about setting yourself on fire to keep someone warm.
It also haunts me how many red flags I brushed off before we were married that are perfectly neon now! 🤦‍♀️ The way he treats his mom on a bad day, how "all" of his exes were "crazy", the way he fiended over weed like a junkie, how he treated his cats when he was angry, the fact that his 'friends' never reached out despite living in the same area... it goes on. I can't believe the things I used to make excuses for just because I was infatuated with him, I'm so embarassed.
Short or long distance, man or woman, it doesn't matter; always be suspicious of older people trying to persue you- ask yourself whats 'wrong' with them that makes no one their own age interested, and why would they want someone with less life experience and maturity.
And always have a way to get yourself out of there if things ever go badly; be it a rainy day fund, a go bag in the trunk of your car, or having an emergency contact you can rely on to get to you in a pinch. Anyone who gets upset over you trying to protect yourself has something to gain from you being unprotected. A safe person who loves you would feel confident you'd never need to use your escape plan, but be glad that you had it anyway.
Thanks if you read this far 🌷

My (42f) and my STBXH (46m) are still living together. I filed in December 23 but he convinced me to keep trying.
Now, I’m currently apartment hunting without his knowledge. I’m contacting attorneys to take over my case. He has no idea. I feel bad about it but at the same time, my resentment towards him is building to almost uncontrollable levels.
First it’s never been about the money. I’ve always been the primary breadwinner in my relationships. No biggie. But what is an issue is his ability to make money but his unwillingness to put in the work to do so. Now he’s working 20 hrs a week at $16 and is fine with that. He “would like 30 hrs”. When I explained I was losing money during the month with him only working 20 hrs due to the cost of daycare he shrugged. I pay almost all the bills. He pays for his phone and the internet. Sometimes food. Other than that it’s all on me.
The other thing that drives me insane is his inability to finish anything, but particularly cleaning. For example, he left a bag of trash on the bathroom counter, the cat peed on it …. He threw away the bag but left the pee to dry. His excuse? “I forgot”. It’s like this with everything. He never finishes it.
He’s always chasing pipe dreams. This man is 46 years old and thinks he’s gonna be TikTok famous now.
Guys. I can’t. I just can’t. I’m getting so angry.
How can I deal with this and still live with him while I get stuff settled? I’m trying to be kind and civil but it’s getting harder by the day.

My grandmother died in February. I hadn't seen her - or many members of that side of the family - since 2018, the year I got married. After my divorce in 2020, I moved to NYC. I've had a rough past few years, emotionally and financially. My Nana and those relatives spent their time in Florida, Texas, and Alabama (where I am from originally). Whenever I visited my immediate family, the extended family wouldn't be there.
I deeply regret not making the time to see my grandmother before she passed. I grieved her immediately, breaking into tears and weeping for weeks. I contemplated and researched the afterlife. When I texted my dad to ask, "When will the funeral be? Nothing could keep me away", he replied, "5.18.2024."
May 18 is my birthday.
I typed a message asking why my birthday was chosen, but quickly deleted it. I tried to calmly ask my mother privately and she became irritable, yelling at me, "Do not bring this up to your father. He's going through a lot."
I found out over time that because the ground was frozen in Vermont (where my grandmother raised her family before retiring in Florida), and Vermont is where she wanted her ashes to be buried, they had to postpone the funeral. She had seven children who had to pick a date that worked for all of them. But still...my birthday? My dad didn't care to speak up about it being his only daughter's birthday?
Here's the thing: my whole life, I have felt like the least favorite grandchild, niece, cousin, etc. I knew deep down that my grandmother loved me, but it was clear she loved others more. One time she chose to take my cousin to Disney World the same day my family had driven in to visit her. She told my father to come the next day, but he didn't listen, and decided to surprise her instead. She grew irate and rushed to beat us home so we wouldn't find out, but my Grandpa spilled the beans. She could have waited a day to take me and my brother, but didn't. We never went to Disney World with her.
She was a devout Catholic her entire life, but rolled her eyes when my eleven-year-old-self - a Southern Baptist at the time - suggested we all pray before we eat dinner. When she and my mother found me sitting alone one day (as a thirteen-year-old), I told them I was contemplating my future, and whether I could get into Harvard or travel to Europe. She burst out laughing as if that was the most hilarious joke ever told. (She never got a degree or worked.)
I've been writing creatively since childhood, but she always told me I needed a "real career" and I couldn't dream about becoming a writer. I have been tall and thin my whole life. When I began modeling, she said, "Modeling is not for you." She showered my cousins in praise and validation and gifts. She sent me gifts and cards, don't get me wrong, but the difference in quality was obvious. She scolded me over things my cousins got away with easily.
I loved my grandmother. I love my parents. I didn't want to hurt my dad so I kept my feelings inside and told myself my birthday was not important. But then my fiance and I went to dinner a week early to celebrate, and my parents didn't even wish me a happy birthday. They didn't send a card. I asked why. My mother replied, "Isn't your birthday next Saturday? We'll celebrate you on May 20 when we are all together in your city."
After she said this, it sunk in for me that they never intended to even acknowledge me at all on my birthday. So I changed my return flight from the 19th to the 18th. I asked my dad if he could drive me to the airport on my birthday after the funeral, and he said no because he had to "spend time with family." So I secured a rental car. I would now fly from Vermont to Detroit and finally return home to NYC at midnight on my birthday.
I have lived in NYC for four years, and for four years, my parents have made excuse after excuse not to visit me. I had to beg my dad to agree to visit me in NYC on their drive back from Vermont to Alabama, which he didn't want to do. He didn't want to drive into NYC to pick me up either. Originally my parents were supposed to pick me up from the train station in New Jersey this Thursday, and I would fly back home on the 19th, and they would FINALLY visit me in Manhattan on the 20th. It was all set. I was looking forward to exploring my dad's home town with him and spending some quality time together a few days before the funeral. Then out of the blue, my mom insisted I fly in on Friday instead, under the guise of saving my PTO. But really they just wanted to get to Vermont sooner. I told my dad this hurt my feelings, that I had been looking forward to spending private time with my parents in his hometown.
Today I called them and asked for help covering my Ubers to and from the airports. I'm living paycheck to paycheck, and they know this. Nana's will insisted that her estate would cover everyone's accommodations at her funeral, and I was originally told that I would get my own hotel room. Then I found out that I would be sharing a house with my parents and multiple relatives who were part of the original discussion to plan the funeral on my birthday. That didn't sit right with me. I wanted to go for my Nana and my dad. I didn't want to have to stay in the same house as people who don't care about me.
I finally told my dad today how I feel, on speaker phone while he and my mom were driving across the country towards Vermont. I said I couldn't believe they planned Nana's funeral on my birthday, when they had months to plan for any other date. I told him how my mother wouldn't let me express my feelings to him everytime I tried to calmly ask why, why MY birthday, of all the birthdays in the family? Why did it have to be on anyone's birthday? I said this has been a recurring theme all my life, that nobody in this family cares about me. He replied, "Don't come. If that's how you feel, don't come."
So now I am crying and wondering if I should cancel my flights and rental car, and miss out on my Nana's funeral, or just go, despite the fact that nobody wants me there...and based on their choice of date, maybe they never did.
TL;DR: My relatives planned my grandmother's funeral months in advance on my birthday. I told my parents this made me feel unloved and my dad told me to not come to the funeral if that's how I feel.

We as a family don't often go out to eat primarily because of costs and that there's five of us. But for Mother's Day, Mom was already angry after work Friday and then Dad forgot to get her anything on Sunday and kind of grasped at straws to say his gift was dinner at a seafood place she really likes. So I do get that she was upset before everything.
I'm allergic to shellfish and eggs so we usually go to a certain place that takes especial care for allergens, even though it's slightly more expensive than a normal place, if we go as a family.
Mom and Dad had already been snippy with each other the days leading up but when he suggested that restaurant she kind of blew up on me that if not for me, that place would be fine, but because of my allergies we have to go to this one restaurant or nothing else or else we make the entire restaurant have to change everything just for me, and she doesn't want to make some poor worker have to deep scrub the place just so she can have the dinner she wants. She and Dad ended up going together that night but they were clearly still not 100% when they came back and still aren't. My older brother and sister both tried reassuring me that Mom is just stressed and I don't actually make things that much harder for everyone, but I still feel so sick and guilty that I haven't eaten more than toast since Mother's Day. This isn't the first time mom or dad have made comments like this. Dad once got really excited on a trip about having unlimited room service but he couldn't get the dish he wanted because of how small the room was and how he'd have to brush his teeth and wash his hands and clean up almost immediately, just to enjoy one dish. He sighed and said "I guess I'll go without because I love you" kind of joking but I never forgot it, or other times.
I just really - really - struggle with not feeling like I'm this gigantic, unwanted imposition on my family and the world around me. I feel like my friends resent the different cake or desserts at my birthday, or having to double check before I come over about what to serve, or like my family can't just pack up and go out to dinner or even vacation without care like other families can. We only have a few vacations a year and it's usually to a beach town with lots of seafood places, and because of my allergies we either don't go out to eat and cook the entire vacation (which mom hates because then she doesn't get a vacation) or we eat to go and I order a lot of salads because the fries could be done in the same oil as the clams for example.
I know I'm looking for reassurance but I'm open to the truth that I am causing more work for those around me.

Timestamp: https://imgur.com/a/cGRSwbv
Video/Images: https://imgur.com/a/Sy3IZmr
Good afternoon swappers
I have a bit of a drawer cleaning sale for you today.
All knives have been carried sparingly in the office and only used to open tape on boxes and cutting plastic
Kizer Bundle - Kizer Serape Mini Bay with all extras + Kizer Shard (Yellow) Second owner on both, have seen a decent amount of pocket time but has never cut through anything larger than card stock paper. SV: $55 SOLD
Titanium Framelocks
First up we have the Maxace Black Mirror II in Stonewashed Titanium with an S90V Blade. Knife has been carried under the same perimeters as the above bundle. Absolutely gorgeous action and factory edge. Comes with original box and extras. SV: $95 SOLD
Next we have the Sixleaf SL-27-PR from Rattlesnake Designs. Knife was a gift to me and is still completely BNIB. Razor sharp edge with a very hydrolic action. SV: $68
Another Sixleaf makes an appearance. The Sixleaf SL-23 also by Rattlesnake Design. Absolutely fantastic fidget toy, akin to a balisong-style action, with less moving parts. The knife has never been used to cut, only has been flipped at my desk. I have the “bite” side marked with a but of red nail-polish, but can remove easily if you want. SV: $60
Misc
Factory Second Spyderco Bow River fixed blade in 8cr13mov. Knife has never been used by me, and the best I can tell is the factory second tag is from a sligjtly uneven grind (still razor sharp). The knife comes with a custom kydex sheath by Randy’s Knives and Kydex. SV: $60
Vintage Restored Straight Razor
Vintage Restored Western Bros “Rooster” - razor was originally made in Germany, I bought it from a vintage razor restorer on Etsy with over 3,000 sold. Razor has never been used by me, and is completely shave-ready with original packaging. Please see video to show the tape located on the blade for shipping purposes, blade is flawless underneath. SV: $40
Shaving Equipment Bundle (Will include a 10x pack of Feather Blades) SV: $45
Lastly, I have a shaving bundle available for anyone who may want to dip their toe into vintage shaving, or other collectors.

1. 1957 Gillette Super Speed Red - Razor has seen about ~8 shaves by me, and has been completely disinfected. Please see video regarding the slight pitting starting on the top of the chrome. Full brass construction, and is an absolute workhorse for most skin types.
   
2. Parker Semi-Slant in Satin - the Parker Semi-Slant is great for anyone with rebar-like facial hair that find a lot of tugging with traditional razors. Think of it like a french guillotine slicing the hairs instead of chopping them. This razor is fairly aggressive, so please watch some videos to practice technique if you are not used to them. Used ~1x and has been disinfected.
   
3. 1920s GEM Micromatic w/ 3x personna coated blades - used 1x by me to see how people in the 1920s shaved, hinestly was pleasantly surprised hybhow easy it was to get the hang of. Super fun for anyone into shaving and wanting to change it up a bit.
   

—
Shipping is through USPS CONUS only, please.
Preferred payment methods: PP FF, Venmo or Cashapp.
If you have any questions/concerns please feel free to reach out to me at anytime.
Thank you and have a wonderful rest of your night.

Antisemitism:
I'll make it clear quickly. I'm not saying you have to agree with all of what Israel does, or any of it for that matter because let's be honest BiBi is an idiot and needs to go: but to deny the right of Israel's existance is to deny the legitimacy of a Jewish state. I've never seen this argument come up with Islamic states, nor have I seen this with Christian countries like the one I live in. The only arguments I seem to come across is secularisation theory which states all religions will be forgotten once we adopt science. Without getting into that can of worms it should be said that Israel's right to exist, as every named state within the rules of international law is final, and a states dissolution can only happen through complete conquest or self destruction.
Israeli identity has always been strong, I mean look at festivals like Hannukah and Passover within the Jewish faith and you'll see that Judaism and Israel are two sides of the same coin as the religion operates within the gift of a nomadic society of former slaves, the Hebrews, being given the gift of a homeland. To deny the right of Israel's existance is therefore to deny the existance of Judaism, which subsequently denies the existance of all Jews. I'm right here, right now, typing this up. I am a jew. I'm a proud Jew and I exist. Jews exist. Israel and Jerusalem exist. It has long before I was born, and it will exist long after I'm dead. I'm tired of having to hide my identity as a Jew both online and in person. The reason I've had to hide it was because people on the whole just hate Jews. I understand it you disagree with actions taken by the Jewish state but to deny the right for Israel to exist is to deny my right to exist.
It would be identical to telling a Christian that the Vatican city must cease to exist due to the crusades killing millions, or telling a Muslim to give up Mecca due to the first and second caliphate taking the region by the sword in the name of islam and Mohammed. All religions, and all states have done things that they're not proud of. Take the Germans for example, who quite literally had Hitler and the Nazis. Did I like what Hitler did? Not really he killed half of my family. But does that make me hate Germans? No. It never has and it never will. Germans have a right to exist. Germany has a right to exist. It always has, and it always will; just like Israel or any other nation state.
This may lead you to say: well what about Palestine?
The two kinds of Palestinian:
Palestine, or more specifically the group of people calling themselves Palestinians are yet to declare themselves a state for two reasons. The first is that there are Egyptian and Jordanian Palestinians, and they do not get on. To call each other one and the same would be an insult to themselves because of Egypt and Jordan's history with one another. As I'm writing this, I can link this to quote a few jokes about the Ashkenaz and Sephardis. They just write themselves. Anyways, back to the problem with most people's understanding of the history of the conception of Palestinians and why making one collective people can't really happen. The second part of why Palestinians can't be one collective plays off of the first. Jordanian and Egyptian sub-sects cause uprisings in the '70s after the six day war as the two groups that end up both calling themselves Palestinians think that Jordan and Egypt respectively should carry on attacking Israel until they have victory or death. Read about the last line of defence at Golan and decide for yourself which is more likely if you're really willing to look into how successful this mindset would have been. This is the reason we have both black and red keffiyehs, as both colours come from two different countries. The red is Jordanian from what I know if you were curious. Anyways both communities carry on this victim mentality of victory or death and see themselves as a sort of Martyr nation through their own political beliefs and developments over time, and so when they see eachother playing the same beat they get really pissed off with each other. Think of little Britain and the 'i am the only gay in the village' skit. It's almost exactly like that unfortunately.
This leads to my conclusion on the second part of this. I just want the west bank Palestinians and Gazan Palestinians to consolidate a solid sense of identity outside of hating my race and leave the past and their version of evens behind. What happened happened. In war no one really wins you just have survivors with more land because the people that were there beforehand are either dead or left. Both Jews and Arabs have experienced that. Frequently. Both communities are so damn similar in our sense of humour, history, food and fashion sense 🤣.
The superpower:
All jokes aside we're so much more similar than we think so whats the point of hating each other? Yes, I'm a jew. I understand that a lot of people hate me. But I think that if we just sit and talk about our cultural experiences Jews and Arabs are going to realise how much we have in common and there's just no point fighting because it's essentially killing the closest thing to you. In most languages the people closest to you are called family. Let's stop killing our own family and realise two things: one, Jews and Arabs are almost identical in how we perceive identity and culture and two, the middle east if it united itself would have enough cultural history through islam and Judaism, it's subsequent mathematical, scientific and economic wisdoms and resources to be the largest superpower the world has ever seen in recorded history. So whilst I'd like to address the anti-Semitism in this sub in the immediate I'm genuinely serious about staring a Judeo-Christo-Islamic empire but that's probably because I'm 5 coffees deep into a long work night at god knows how late.
TL;DR: Jews exist and so does Israel. Doesn't mean Israel's always right but don't deny it should exist. See Germany, the Vatican city/Italy and Greece and apply the same logic. It doesn't make sense. It's just masked antisemitism. Palestine isn't a state yet. It should be. West bank and Gazan Palestinians need to consolidate and get on with each other. Palestinians, Israelis and all Jews/Arabs are really similar so the conflict is nonsensical. (Almost feels like we were made to fight a proxy war because the USA and Russia realised the middle east once united would be the biggest superpower of all time and due to the rich cultural and racial ties wouldn't slow down in thousands of years, it would just keep getting stronger.) Let's stop fighting each other and talk about what we should be doing as Jews, Muslims, Arabs, Israelis or just human beings so that both sides can learn to love each other like the family it is.
PS: I hope we all have a little think about the Israeli- Arab conflict in light of this: "Almost feels like we were made to fight a proxy war because the USA and Russia realised the middle east once united would be the biggest superpower of all time and due to the rich cultural and racial ties, as well as the wealth of resources and the fantastic scientific , mathematical and philosophical minds these two races have created (Einstein, Rumi, Abu Shuja, Oppenheimer ect) wouldn't slow down in thousands of years, it would just keep getting stronger. "

Hello,
I've never posted about this kind of stuff, but I've never experienced such a persistent nagging pain
My ex and I had a very turbulent 7 year relationship, I initially met her months after healing from another long term relationship, about 25 years, and that ended amicably, and to this day I see her as a friend.
The beginning of our relationship was amazing, it was very sexually charged, she was into everything and anything I did, she was sweet, comforting, a great listener, the times we had were almost euphoric. Even during this phase of the relationship, I acknowledged to myself that I have to take things slow as things are moving so fast.
About a month and a half into "dating" she got pregnant, and I told her I will be there for you, and I'll never run away from being a Father, ever! Immediately everything changed, and of course I understand why and empathize with how she may have felt suddenly being pregnant, and I genuinely cared and made myself available at all times. We only lived a building apart, we were basically doors down from each other.
Immediately she wanted to get a place together, I let her know that she could stay with me anytime, give it a trial run, but we still need to get know each other, as I just got over a 25 year relationship. She started staying with me on and off and I began seeing a complete different side of her, she would storm out of my place and take issue with little things like clothes on the floor, or an unmade bed, I mean over the top anger.
Still throughout this period I began falling in love with her, and falling in love with my unborn child. During this period I started discovering a pattern of lies, some just white lies, some extremely severe, lies that had the potential to affect any sort of positive outcome as they entailed criminal behavior. When confronted with the worst ones I was assured she would stop.
Skip ahead to the birth, I was with her, we were both content, a happy beautiful healthy daughter came from the womb. I was in love, both with my child, as well as the Mother. We were inseparable for awhile, then she became extremely controlling, even vicious at times. My time with my daughter was often relegated to when the Mother was asleep, I would let her sleep when my daughter woke up in the night and bond with her then.
One day she got extremely upset with me as I wanted to bring my daughter and her to a family event, she had an issue with a family member of mine, this turned into a CRAZY argument, that ended up with me being denied seeing my child for over 12 days. I ended up going to the courthouse to file papers that would give me the legal right to see my daughter, regardless of the status of my relationship with the Mother.
I never served those papers, as my daughter had gotten sick, and we both met at her pediatrician appointment, everything melted away and we were together again, she became loving again, we shared bringing up our child, but I began to lose touch with all my family, including my friends, anything I would do or plan to do would cause an insane amount of friction.
Through this time we did our best to be close, but the lies never stopped, and I completely began to lose my sense of self. There were times when my daughter would be completely weaponized, used as a pawn to control me, I slowly began isolating myself from just about anyone but my daughter and the Mother. We would have an argument, could be anything, big or small, and instantly I'd be disregarded, no communication, no texts, no calls, no responses. Then we would get together and she would show me love and kindness, and I'd be hooked again. This on and off pattern lasted a good 6 years. I still struggle thinking about how dark some of those days were, and I've never strayed or abandoned my daughter. She's the light of my life, just has 2 parents that can't seem to live peacefully together.
Forward to now, just a few months ago we talked and decided it would be best to part and focus on co-parenting. The 1st month was great, we were cordial to each other during pick ups and drop offs, but we stopped both putting our child to bed together. If she had her I used to always go over and put her to bed, read books, bathe, etc and she would for the most part so the same when I have my daughter. We stopped that, as when my daughter did fall asleep that's when we would connect, quite often it was just sexual, looking back it was like giving a dog a bone, it was void of true intimacy, it was just enough to keep things balanced in an odd way, it became the only affection I came to know.
This entire time, regardless of our status, whenever we were with other people she was a gem, she always would bring gifts even if not necessary, always be extremely affectionate towards me, basically playing a part.
Here's an example, I got sick one evening, some sort of food poisoning, it got bad enough where I had to go to the hospital and be treated in a bed from early morning until evening. This happened to fall on a night we had planned a "date" night. She came to the hospital to pick me up, my parents were there and she was as sweet as you could imagine, as soon as I got discharged and we were driving home, now just the two of us, she flipped on me for ruining our date. She bought tickets to a show, and she was recklessly pissed off and as mean as one could imagine, and I was still sick, she ended up storming out of my place.
These kinds of situations became normal, and a nonstop cycle of on again/off again partners became the norm.
I'm getting long winded now, but I'll come back to the present. After about a month of just co-parenting and coming to terms with ending any sort of romantic relationship, and being cordial to one another, she started reminiscing about our past, sharing pictures of happy times with my daughter and us together, pictures of just her and I, messages of love, how she misses me, will always love me, all these things, and I opened the door again. This was days before she was leaving for a "yoga retreat" and I would have my daughter. Needless to say, those 4 days there was no more communication, not even with my daughter. The 1st communication on a Sunday morning was about being together again, and sentiments of love.
This has since happened 2 more times, always surrounded by secrecy, even if it directly affects my daughter, which unfortunately it has. Come to find out she was never away, "out of town" she was just down the road at an Airbnb with some guy that fly's in from out of state, she told me all this and actually said how much I would like him, and that this guy would love to meet me, and at the same time maintaining how much she still loves me. Just whacky, not even months after ending any romantic partnership.
This coming week my daughter and her are taking their first "vacation" without me involved. I was completely fine with this, expressing how I first had some mixed feelings, because my daughter has never really traveled without me and her Mother together. Then I came to terms with it and even started suggesting places to show her, a beach to check out, dolphins in these waters, manatees here etc. The guy she's been seeing at random airbnbs lives in the state they are flying too.
It's just thrown me for such a loop. I haven't truly trusted her for a while for good reasons, lots of lies, and complete disregard for any prior planned commitments, but this just feels out of the park, and has me feeling like an emotional train wrecked weakling. Yesterday I responded to an email saying "I just need to process some of this stuff and not communicate unless it has to do with our daughter", the response was crazy, completely shitting on me as a person on how much I've wronged her and how I never cared for her and all this stuff. My reply was you are right, I'm sorry, I've been having trouble letting go, but I'm now ready too, let's focus on being the best we can be for our daughter.
Instant reply of what a great father I am, how I've always been there, how much my daughter loves me and counts down the days to when I have her. How sorry she is that she treated me poorly, etc. It's all just nuts, and I can't simply not communicate, and I'm so confused as to why I'm feeling so hurt by all this stuff while I recognize the healthiest thing I can do for myself is truly let go. I have so many mixed emotions I can't even think about dating, or even chilling with someone new. I'm all over the place, mainly sad, it's so confusing. So many mixed signals, and I think my esteem has been shattered for awhile now.
Only with my daughter do I feel myself, she brings the best out in me, she always has, she's like sunshine on a rainy day, she's the best!
Apologies for such a long winded post, may not even make clear sense, just let my "swipe" keyboard go nuts for a bit
Hope you are all well!

This is probably going to be a long post so I'm sorry.
I am pregnant with my first due June 3rd and I just am trying to gather info and hear some perspectives of others to help me come to a decision.
I honestly think I would have had an abortion if it was legal in my state when I found out I was pregnant. I don't think abortion is ideal at all and don't really think elective abortion is ethical beyond the first trimester unless for medical/health reasons or rape/incest, but I only wanted to have a child if I knew I could actually provide for them/have a supportive partner because that's what a child deserves. I just didn't and still haven't known the father of my child very long. We met in July and I got pregnant in September.
I was not on BC because I had never been to an OB/GYN at all in my life at that point. I also kinda assumed it would be hard for me to get pregnant because I have had irregular periods for a long time, but I guess I should have known better. Also I was raised Mormon (exmormon since i was about 21) and my mom never felt the need to take me to an OB/GYN I guess because as Mormons we werent supposed to have sex until marriage and I also remember her basically telling me mormon girls dont go to dr usually til they get married or are having obvious issues. And then i got into an abusive relationship at 21 and he wouldn't let me go to the dr at all and basically scared me about going because he basically told me all the OB/GYNs were perverts (which in retrospect he probably didnt want me to go because 1) he was the real pervert who raped and SA'ed me plus hit me, etc. 2) he probably didnt want to be found out, at my current dr ive seen so many posters about DV)....also when I got eligible for benefits for work, my abuser ex would get mad when I talked about signing up for them. I think because he knew it would take money away from him since I felt obligated to spend all my money on him. He would pick out "luxury" items he wanted to purchase with my paycheck before it even hit my account.
I got the courage to leave my abusive ex in May 2023 after YEARs of not wanting to be there. (Lived with ex and his mom 2016-2023 and he started abusing within the first year) My current partner hid that he has been in active addiction and I didn't really know til I was pregnant. I feel like he could be a lovely partner if he could get his shit together, but so far he has not been able to do so. He can go for a few days sometimes without using, then just goes back to it. I am so exhausted of life in everyway. I have never had bad intentions in life and I just am so tired of feeling like trying so hard and it goes nowhere and I don't understand how other people can just get people in their life that treat them right. It is a curse to be me and try to be a nice person. It just ends up wirh being hurt by others. I feel like how the pregnancy has been is going to be a reflection of how it will be once the baby is born. I want to have a lot of hope in my current partner that he will get better, but I am already hurting so much. Ive been having financial issues again because of his addiction and again I am feeling like I wish I had not went back around people after leaving my ex and just kept to myself. I have realised as an adult why I spent so much time alone in my room as a kid.
I have never felt comfortable talking to my parents for help with anything, since childhood. My mom is a very anxious person and has always made negative comments idk. I feel really hurt as an adult still because of stuff from my childhood idk. I had terrible self esteem growing up and still dont have very good self esteem. I feel like i can't tell her this stuff because she might be offended.
I feel like a horrible person if I give my baby up for adoption because I am so close to having the baby and I already have announced and received gifts for the baby. I already feel like a complete failure in life though and am exhausted by everything and everyone. I don't want to hurt my baby though and I also am worried about adopting my baby out because I dont know for sure if she will end up with good people who will actually take good care of her and not abuse or hurt her. I also dont think i would be comfortable with an open adoption. I guess I would want her to be able to meet me and know who I am if she would like to know, but I don't know if I could handle seeing her regularly as she grows up knowing I had to give her to someone else to take care of it because I couldn't do it.
I really feel like though if I give her up for adoption it really will be the beginning of the end for me. My 20s have been absolutely horrible. I was never properly prepared for life. And I guess either way I will feel bad so it doesnt matter. I already know if I give her up for adoption, I probably will just want to become a recluse and live a meaningless life like so many other people. I will get a new job that is less stressful, make my bf move out and maybe get a completely new place to live because i no longer feel comfortable in this apartment, not talk to family, only talk to people if I have to, and just eat, sleep, pay bills, and watch TV because that is all I have the mental capacity for now. I will do this til I finally rot and die or at least until I can finally have the courage to kill myself. It will be lonely but at least no one will hurt me or judge me anymore or give me constant negative comments and I can maybe have a little bit of peace or mindless numbing at least.

My wife is currently 37 weeks pregnant. I'm excited to be a dad, it's the only thing keeping me going I have to constantly remind myself she's pregnant and to not take anything she says to heart. I completely understand she's incredibly uncomfortable but I don't think it's warranted to be her punching bag day in day out.
Today: I finished my work day (i wfh) she was already complaining as i had a few deadlines to fulfill, that I haven't spent any time with her. I've been realising that the house isn't being cleaned at all during her pregnancy which i don't mind doing, tommorow being bin day I took the opportunity to give the house a good spring clean. After finishing up the laundry (I'm not one of those people who need a thank you after a task but some acknowledgement wouldn't go amiss) she began complaining how the house isn't clean to her standard and I've ruined her clothes by drying them for too long. Just felt like she's trying to pick a fight so I stayed quiet. Apparently that's not the right thing to do as she's had a tantrum and a cry while shouting her head off about how I'm no help. I asked her what she'd like help with, the reply was I'm supposed to already know and it's too late apparently!
I hate her being in this crappy mood. It's been like this all pregnancy every few days she'll argue continously for hours without dropping it some nights its gone on until 6am. She regularly becomes physically abusive I've had stuff thrown at me, punched, kicked and even poked with a knife which required a visit to A+E all in the last 37 weeks. I try to stay quiet as long as I can but it really wears me down when she goes on for hours or is physical.
My question is I honestly understand she's uncomfortable and hormonal however I'm constantly walking on egg shells. I don't see that as a reason to disrespect me and have these large tantrums all the time. What am I supposed to do nothing works, staying quiet doesn't work, arguing back doesn't work, leaving the room she follows me, leaving the house she'll continously ring or ring my family to find out where i've gone which is embarrassing. I left the house for a walk once and she called the police that was embarrassing within itself.
I just want to know if there's a way to avoid this all, she'll make a point to say no whenever I ask her if she wants a massage, cup of tea and so on but then she'll complain I don't do anything for her. I feel on my last nerve, she didn't have the best personality pre pregnancy but this has just exacerbated all her negatives tenfold.
My first ever post I hope I was able to articulate myself in a way which helps you guys understand. Any advice is appreciated

I just found this subreddit. I've always thought either 50% of the time that my life is normal and im imagining it having been bad and the other 50% im like thinking my life was maybe not normal? Just someone please tell me which one I am ill just list some things about my life. I genuinely never have told this stuff to anyone and I feel like I need outside input because I really need to know if im just imagining things. For context if that matters im 23, and im still living at my mother because I was so depressed after highschool ended I needed to deal with things. Doing better recently. I feel like my family is semi-normal now though.... (mostly)?
-Earliest memories are parents fighting (i only remembered these after like 10 years they happened lol)
-Frequent sleep paralysis and nightmares as a child where the monsters were literally my parents (only realized this a while ago)
-Telling my mother im feeling depressed and them just brushing it off while working saying something like "really? then you need to go to therapy" instead of giving a fuck.
-My mother scaring me with a scary voice before I was 6 years old at night trying to sleep I think because I was in bed but she kept doing it even though I think I remember crying and telling her to stop.
-Parents always favored siblings, literally gave them gifts and let them have things that im pretty sure I let them know I was the one who wanted, not my brothers. (example: I always liked videogames, my older sibling has a PS2 and TV, I want a videogame console, my sibling who doesn't like them that much gets a PS3, new TV and old stuff goes to my younger sibling, who doesn't like them at all???)
-Parents making fun of me because at my childhood and teen years I was fat (i started stress eating at 11, because I was being bullied at school, because I was new there and unable to make friends. Even the teacher bullied me.)
-Clearly being depressed at 11 and after because of the stuff i mentioned above, them not doing anything? I went from a somewhat happy kid who went outside and had some friends, to being inside all the time, fat, crying every morning and they still send me to school?????
-Them never questioning why I didn't do anything normal like go outside, have friends or girlfriends, good grades, anything, most of my childhood and teenage years. Just letting me be.
-older sibling hitting me with a controller in the head I think. I remember saying to someone they did that when I was a child but dont remember the actual event. Possibly happened. Also stuff like calling me fat, telling me to kill myself (mind you I had thoughts about doing it back then)
-Ignoring me when I went on walks at late evening to try to get attention.
-Whole family generally making fun of me constantly my whole life.
-Saying stuff to each other possibly knowing I was to hear it such as saying to my siblings that they all know im the weakest and saying im fat and stuff like that.
-I slept like 3 hours to 5 hours on average around since I've been 11 until my highschool ended. I didn't want the next day to come and night was the only time I got to be alone and in peace so I just played videogames when I was able to.
-Generally treating my siblings better than me. Noticeably. I noticed when I was like 13 that I was clearly the least favorite. I just thought it's because im the middle child and remember crying about it.
-I remember on some health thing at school i crossed a box saying I feel like I have no one I trust or such and my mother got concerned/angry, still let it be after 1 discussion about it.
-Older sibling walking by me without asking if im okay after I passed out at school and just generally always ignoring me. Also breaking my stuff.
-Me seldom getting anything I wanted. My siblings did though. And they were still ungrateful brats.
-Being scolded because of stuff I didnt do/stuff they never scolded my siblings when they did?
-Generally because of depression, loneliness and stuff also not sleeping much, I dont remember almost anything about the years 0-18? Is that normal? I have very few memories I feel like.
-The few friends I managed to get as a child felt like the only people who actually made me feel like I belonged.
-Not supporting anything I liked, any of my hobbies or such. Unlike my siblings'.
Theres probably more if i think about it, but there were happy memories too. Or atleast okay ones. So idk if im just making a big deal out of nothing. I feel like im okay now. But I dont know if I am. What if ive been depressed so long I dont remember what it was like to not be depressed. I genuinely think I haven't felt really anything since I was a young child. I feel tired always. I can't form relationships and dont know how to do so. I've been alone so long. Even thought lately ive been making attempts to better my life and things seem to be getting better I still feel like maybe im fucked up inside and im not doing as good as I am. I really dont fucking know im tired it's 3 am and I should probably sleep. I might delete this later idk.