I will be badly targeted by China stans and shills in this subreddit, but here a Reality pill- Simply importing cheap(very highly subsidized)Chinese EV and Batteries are not an longterm option especially with a adversary like china, Instead the current tariffs forces all global automakers currently operating in US to Localise their EV production/increase production capacity, it forces them by tariffs and incentives by state subsidies to invest in US based EV components Supply chain especially cell production and refining
The more local North American and US supply chain is created for EV components like cells the better, it helps US to regain manufacturing knowhow and capacity, it gives locals jobs, in long term it helps US companies(both legacy and new era startups to gain more data and knowledge about More efficient and cheaper EV and components production in US and North America ). It helps all companies (not just American) to steadily again become confident about US manufacturing capability and its sustainability.
On top of that Chinese EV and cell makers can gain access to high value US market by a simple trick- Make JV with unrestricted and un-revocable TOT pacts with major US/European/Japanese/korean automakers and components manufacturers/suppliers operating in US (for example like Stellantis-Leapmotor international JV), Chinese enjoy the ripe fruitful levels of Royalty payments with no risk while we Manufacture their stuff in US and rapidly increase US production capacity and export it while parallel improve our own tech (this is best applicable in Cell technology and mass manufacturing in which Chinese corps hold the biggest advantage).
But unrestricted access to US markets for Chinese imports is simply not a solution+ many idiots here think they can get BYD or other Chinese ev cars for Chinese prices (which cannot be as Chinese ev makers are selling their budget and mid-range ev in Europe for 2 to 2.5 times their china prices with no MAJOR tariffs till now, so it would be delusional to think they would be cheaper in US )

May I get outsiders perspective on this. Just seeking a space to vent & see what I did wrong.
So long story short, I am on my period. I inserted a tampon during the day. And later when removing it, I noticed only the bottom half came out.
I checked the toilet. Nothing there. You can see the way the tampon was shaped, it looked broken off. Y’all….I tried to see if I could remove anything. Nothing came out. My parents advised to seek medical help.
I went to the urgent care & arrived 45 mins before they closed for the day. Immediately, the patient care coordinator (PCC) that took my vitals, it felt standoffish. My gut felt something was off & she didn’t care about my plight. She left & soon after a Nurse practitioner & his nurse came in. He used a speculum to inspect & he said he saw nothing. He wanted to check my cervix, but I am a wimp & was in a lot of pain & yelped out. He stopped the exam, & said from what he saw, he didn’t see anything & I could seek a second opinion if I was still concerned. I thanked him & they left.
But my Mom said to call her before leaving. She is a Nurse & she said to ask for a X-Ray is possible. So I asked the PCC if I can get a X-ray to be sure, y’all SHE LIED & verbally said their facility didn’t have x-rays. She was impatient with me, huffing & visibly annoyed, I had called my mother by this point, & on the phone with my Mom, just to feel safe. I don’t trust the PCC at this point either.
I relayed what the PCC said to my mom, she said ok, go ahead & leave, I then hung up the phone, which was when the PCC, she asks if I am done & ready to go, in an aggravated rushed tone. As if I was a huge nuisance for her asking all these questions.
Later, after changing, I went back to the front to ask for the names of people that saw me. They only gave me the 1st name of the PCC. I asked the Nurse practitioner if they had x-rays, & he confirmed that yes they do! But I will not get an x-ray b/c it wasn’t appropriate & he said my mom was wrong & she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Again he relayed this in a very condescending tone. I asked if he’ll provide a reason why it was inappropriate, he said no. I asked if he’ll document refusing this medical service for me, he said no.
At that point, it was 7 mins past their closing period. I understand they had a long day & wanted to leave. People in the office looked visibly uncomfortable. I was talking in firm, leveled tone, but the vibe made me feel like a major nuisance or annoyance. According to some reddit forums, asking to document refusal of service is considered dumb. Is this true? Did I take it too far? Over imagining things? My parents said I wasn’t and to seek a 2nd opinion to be sure. I was doing my best to advocate for myself while maintaining a calm demeanor to express my concerns.
But damn, tonight was my 1st time experience of this. What should I have done differently? Was I dumb asking those questions & taking up so much time? One thing for sure, this experience, it’s motivated me to truly think of ways to help Black patients in healthcare settings.

cell phones (2G, 3G, 4G) emit radiofrequency in the frequency range of 0.7–2.7 GHz.
Exposure to very high RF intensities can result in heating of biological tissue and an increase in body temperature. Tissue damage in humans could occur during exposure to high RF levels because of the body's inability to cope with or dissipate the excessive heat that could be generated.
The most restrictive limits on whole-body exposure are in the frequency range of 30-300 MHz where the human body absorbs RF energy most efficiently when the whole body is exposed.
First, whats the calculation from 1 ghz to mhz, how much is 1 ghz in a mhz, and how many phones in an area whould be harmful? For example if I was in a city and everyone has cell phones, would I be harmed?
Also I heard somewhere 2500 MHz is equivalent to 2.5 GHz.

I am not in a good state of mind as I type this but I am desperate. For some background I am marrying my childhood friend, and early 20s coworker. We’ve been in a relationship for two years and are set to marry in the summer.
I have bipolar1 disorder and currently had to stop one of my medications due to it causing migraines and I have not felt mentally great to begin with. Lately he’s been telling me I’m short and being aggressive with him and though it’s possible I have it hasn’t felt like it. Normally I know when I’m being mean or short when I’m not in a stable place mentally. But it just felt very weird and made me sad because I’ve been making a conscious effort to be extra sweet during this time.
I was in a very emotionally abusive relationship with an adult when I was 17 and I definitely have some lingering trust issue but through our relationship I’ve never doubted him and we have open phones and it’s all been a fairytale.
Well tonight we got into it because when I denied a sexual advance he accused me of being short and aggressive again. I got the pit I used to get in my stomach so I went through his phone and saw his ex of 7 years (they dated from 13-20) was in his recent search on Facebook. I woke him up and he said he didn’t and I said then why is it there and he said “I don’t know” then started telling me I need to contact my psychiatrist tomorrow to get on new meds
This JUST happened. So right now I am in the mindset of packing my shit and going to my moms and texting his whole family (who loves me) I also know I am not in a good mindset so maybe this isn’t the best idea but I just feel sick to my stomach. And my whole body is vibrating. I feel drunk and I’ve been sober two years. What do I do?
TLDR; fiance is doing things on his phone he shouldn’t and kind of blaming me. What do I do?

I have been on Zoloft for almost two years, currently on 75mg. It has done wonders for me. I haven’t gotten any side effects if I take my meds consistently at the same time every day. But I have one big problem and it’s that I straight up cannot get out of bed in the morning. Before zoloft I used to go to bed at around 11 and get up say 7 or 8. I am one of those people that feels most energetic in the day with 6-8 hours of sleep, any more than that and I just feel groggy. I still go to bed around the same time, but I’ve found that I end up sleeping til 10 or 11. Which sucks because I have shit to do in the mornings and I just feel gross after waking up so late. The worst part is, it is nearly impossible to wake up to my alarm. This never used to happen to me pre zoloft, but as soon as my alarm goes off my dumb unconscious caveman brain convinces me that the best possible thing to do is turn it off and keep sleeping. It just feels too good to go back to sleep. The cycle continues until I realize it’s 11am. Even then I feel like I have to wake up for several minutes with my phone before getting up. I have tried placing my phone out of my bed so I have to get up to turn it off. Somehow I still end up getting back in bed and falling back into the cycle. On top of that I have insanely vivid and kind of disturbing dreams most nights that make it even harder to wake up. I also get night sweats so that’s fun. Zoloft does wonders for me in the day but nights are a different story I guess. Does anybody else have this issue? If so, is there anything i can do to change this? I know it sounds dramatic but it’s quite literally making my life worse.

It has been 20 years now since 8th grade, but I can't help but think this particular incident negatively impacted me throughout High School and into adulthood. Here is the backstory:
In 8th grade I had a guy named Ben in a couple (or maybe most) of my classes. I knew who he was throughout middle school, but only really started talking to him in 8th grade. He was funny but at the same time had a tough exterior and was cool. I was a somewhat shy kid and didn't have that many close friends in Middle School. But I really wanted to "belong." Anyway, Ben would always make small talk with me and I started thinking to myself "Hey, this is a guy I could see myself being friends with." I thought it was cool that he was actually initiating conversation with me so I did the same. We weren't close, but we had mutual "like" for each other.
About halfway through the year, a guy named Geoff moved to our school (He was there in 7th grade but I didn't know him). Him and Ben were already best friends- not sure if they knew each other before 7th grade or if it was during 7th grade that they became friends. But I had him for a few classes as well, with one of them being in a class with both him and Ben (it was health class I think). We were "cool" with each other I guess until he started dating my ex girlfriend and she talked crap about me to him and it made him "hate" me. I don't even remember exactly what she said, but it was basically that I was a "bad person" to her after we broke up and of course he's inclined to believe his GF and will protect her (she told me on the bus that he hated me after hearing about what kind of "person" I am and another guy said he wanted to beat me up). I never did talk to him about it, I honestly just ignored it and he ignored me in return. Then they broke up within a couple weeks anyway because middle school relationships never last. So everybody is happy (or not).
So Ben is unaware of Geoff's dislike towards me which is cool, because he doesn't need to know our drama. Ben talks to me about having a party with some guys from our school at his place next weekend and says I'm invited. Basically we would play video games such as Halo and would spend the night. He told me "I'm inviting you because I really think you're cool." He also asked for my phone number (our house phone, I didn't have a cell phone) and that he would call my place tonight. He said "If your parents don't recognize the number, just say it's your friend inviting you over." I was on cloud nine. Not only was I getting invited by someone I thought was cool, but he said "Friend!?" As someone who had some social anxiety, I felt like the luckiest guy. Later that day, he showed me the invite list and my name was on it and there were about 5 or 6 other guys that I knew, including Geoff. I was cool with the list and figured since Geoff wasn't dating my ex anymore that his so-called "hatred" towards me didn't apply anymore. I was wrong.
In our health class, Ben was showing Geoff the list. I was sitting somewhat close, close enough to hear them. Then I heard Geoff say "rmchampion? No, you can't invite him, he's gay!" (not homosexual, but gay was used as an insult or a slang) Ben looked over at me and said "No he's not" and he knew that I was listening because I started watching them. You could see sadness in his eyes. My heart sank. The teacher (unaware of what was going on) started talking so basically it was a "We'll talk later" and the bell rang for the next class shortly after (I didn't have a class with Ben for the rest of the day). I was mortified and the rest of the day was a blur to me. I was holding out hope for that night that I would get the phone call from Ben talking about his party but it never came. I remember waking up the next morning for school feeling sick to my stomach. I didn't have the courage to ask Ben about the party and if I was still invited. It took one of the guys that was on the list (his name was Andrew), to ask about the guests to Ben (we were in the same table/group for one of our classes) and said "isn't rmchampion going too?" And Ben replied "No." I was crushed inside but didn't show it. Ben was never "mean" to me, but I feel like we were never the same after that. It was even worse when Geoff was talking to this girl saying "We need a stripper at Ben's party, you should come." Not because of her being a stripper per say, but the way that I was feeling FOMO.
Geoff ended up moving away again after 8th grade and I didn't really have any classes with Ben again in High School. Years later after High School, Ben saw me getting gas and he randomly went up to me and said "Hey, I remember you from school, I just thought I would say hi" and I'm like "Oh yeah, hi!" and he was like "Well, good to see you!"
I do think that really scarred me. Of course, I moved on from that incident and made other friends. But now I am terrified of rejection. Maybe that's why I'm still single. And when friends make plans with me, I try not to get too excited until it actually happens because I know that another "Geoff" could come into my life and ruin it. So, thanks Geoff, you made me struggle with confidence for years.
Not really sure what my motive is here, just want thoughts on this. I never really told anybody about this. Not even my parents knew about it. I think I was too embarrassed.

Hello there everyone, before anything I do have to state that I have to be vague about a lot of this stuff since it is TW as well as legal things so here, we are. Fake Names used
For a little back story, I 20 F then 19 F met my ex-boyfriend 21 M (20 then) in December of 2023. I was renting out a room in a house that wasn't in the safest area but the cheapest rent in the area so I couldn't complain much, but I talked to my landlord who told me I needed to move out by the first week of January of 2024. I had a stable job and almost 1k in savings, so I wasn't to worry about trying to find a place but the area I lived in was way too expensive and most places were denying me. I decide one day that I would go on bumble on the friends and dating part of the app to get connected with people in the area since I didn't have many friends at the time. I met my ex-boyfriend, Jacob. He was engaged and in an open relationship, from what I was told from both parties, it was open long before I met Jacob. I did meet his fiancée Lila, she was about my age only a few weeks older than I was. (20 F).
It was really stupid of me I know but I was also trying to enter my idgaf era, about two days after our first date we hooked up at his place with Lila joining in. After a night of the devil's tango, I asked Jacob if we were together or just FBW since I know that I connect with people to quickly and get attached (childhood Trauma doesn't matter) anyway, he gave me a kiss and smiled, saying that we were dating now. and honestly, I was overjoyed, he promised I could stay with him and Lila until I could find a place for myself, and I was thankful. But I wouldn't be making this post if there wasn't a turn for the worst, He had convinced me many times to call out of work because he needed me and needed help with cleaning. So, I did this ended up costing me my job and slowly I had to eat away at my savings because I didn't have a job. Door Dash became my best friend for money. Fast forward a bit since I don't really know when's the best time to start explaining more.
He landed a job at a Greek food shop about half a mile away from the apartment complex that we were at and he asked if I could drive him to and from work since he didn't have a car, I said sure but he needed to walk or get a bike off of FB marketplace because I couldn't always be his ride to work since I needed to find my own job. He got a bit mad at this because I wouldn't drive him to and from work and he got tired of having to do it, so he stopped working, so three people in an apartment building with almost no way to pay rent. Before people come at me asking why I didn't help with rent that was because when I moved in we agreed that I would help with grocery's, cooking dinners and cleaning the kitchen, and I agreed since I would much rather do dishes then laundry. About another two weeks after this Greek job fail, I landed a job as a nanny for an amazing family and a very adorable five-month-old. I loved this family so much and they were so kind and open and very accepting of everything. It almost felt like my dream job.
Jacob was happy for me to same with Lila and honestly, I thought this was going to be perfect, I didn't know it then but after putting puzzle pieces together I found out that he had well, taken advantage of me, on my birthday to be exact.
After I found this out, I decide to leave for a few days to one of my friends place about two hours away from the apartment, Lila told me she would play devils advice and figure out exactly what was happening because at this point, we both knew we needed to get out of this relationship but didn't know how. So, when I was leaving to go to my friends, he deiced to throw himself on my car preventing me to leave, I rolled down my window, stupid of me I know. I told him that he needed to leave, he started crying saying that he needed me and that he couldn't be alone. I remined him that his soon to be wife was in the apartment and wanted to spend time with him, he said that he couldn't do it alone and couldn't bear the thought of me leaving, I had to call Lila out of the apartment to get him off my car since he was hanging on my car door. After almost forty minutes of me telling him to get off of the car he finally let go and went back into the apartment, I stayed at my friends for about a day before he was blowing up my phone begging me to come back and that he needed me and couldn't go on without me. My friend suggested I stayed a little bit longer at their place but I said no and that I needed to go help him. So I left later that next day and what I came home to was a mess, the apartment trashed and disorganized, my stuff thrown everywhere and messy. We talked about his reaction to it all and he consistently made himself the victim.
He constantly tried to get me pregnant, almost every day he was trying, while I was telling him I didn't want to be tied down for the next 18 or 19 years of my life taking care of something too stupid to care of itself, I couldn't even take care of myself sometimes lmao (I would like kids in the future but I just don't want one at the age of twenty) Eventually Lila and I knew we needed to get out of this relationship since he was becoming more and more toxic demanding that we give him our phones so he could search through them. I denied hard, I believe that your partner shouldn't search through your phone, if you need to use it go ahead if you wish. But I'll be damned if I'm letting someone forcefully going through my phone because of their insecurities. He constantly gaslit us as well as lying about everything and how we were the issue, never him. Manipulation was almost like his superpower. As well as many other things I really don't wish to get into.
Idk when to skip to but after a lot of secretly planning and scheming, my friend in another state agreed to allow us to move into her place to get away from him and to start a new life almost, and honestly so far it's been great. I have a stable job, some new friends and honestly it couldn't be better. I did call the police and filed a report on him, but since he lives in a whole other city than the city it happened in it taking a lot longer than one would hope. But just recently I had this large gut feeling, something I hadn't felt since the night I met Jacob. I ignored it that time and this time I refused to ignore it. So here is where I am asking if AITA. After much self-debate I called his father and told him most about what happened how it happened and not where I am, but I just told him that I am in a safe place. I wasn't expecting much because as a parent of a child who does something like that what would be the right responds.
(I do not have a child idk why I need to specify that but yeah)
It took me a while to write this, but I really need some unbiased opinions, a lot of people are saying I am in the wrong and a few close ones says that I am in the right, so what better way to find opinions?
So AITA?

So the last few years have been rough.
*note* if you're a "cheaters will always be cheaters type" tldr is don't bother reading or commenting
BACKSTORY 2019-2023 child nearly annual broken bones, lots of stress and specialist visits.
2018-2024 my wife got her associates as a medical assistant and is almost done with her bachelor's and final quarter internship while working full time and that has been hard for me. The lack of time for me and my son has really made an impact.
2019 I was injured at work and 2020 had my first surgery to try and preserve an ankle joint. That surgery ended up failing and while recovering I ended up mangling 2 fingertips in a wood jointer. 2020 I had to make the transition to a sahd on workers comp and have been since then. My lifestyle of hiking and fishing was upended because I could barely be on my feet 3 hours a day and uneven ground killed me not to mention the whole covid thing was pretty isolating.
All of 2021 was supporting her being a surrogate for a couple in City X (their egg/sperm). So, lots of trips checks and giving her injections. It was kind of proving myself to her because I was terrified when our son was born in 2017 and didn't help as much as I should have. Especially the first 3 months. Really, I didn't find out until later. We had conversations and fights at the time and id step up to do more and she would agree and tell me it was all okay. Then another fight saying I wasn't doing enough/anything and asking more and me being upset and confused. I guess at the time she was afraid to ask more, or tell me what she wanted, or her feelings, and the postpartum depression and initial feelings of abandonment didn't help.
Anyways the surrogacy went okay. I was there and supportive. Rubbing her feet and back. taking on extra load when she was tired etc. And hey I didn't pass out at delivery this time XD The end was a bit hard with 2 inductions needed and a massive 9.5lb baby and a stuck shoulder.
Then a few weeks after birth in November 2021 the nightmare began.
Out of nowhere she started hemorrhaging. She had to have an emergency D&C to stop the bleeding and scans showed a mass. Turned out the surrogate baby's placenta had some cells turn cancerous and attach to her uterus (Choriocarcinoma). 3 months later and the first 3 agent chemo failed, and her numbers were skyrocketing because it turned treatment resistant. They had to hit it with 5 types of chemo (EMACO) leaving future fertility a coin toss but more than a hysterectomy. By May 2022 the tumor marker was gone, but it was 6 months of intense monitoring and 6 months of monthly monitoring. The whole time she was in an intense spiraling depression questioning life. The meaning of all it, and how all her childhood trauma was fair. That no god would let a child live that. And questioning every decision in her life and wondering what things could have been like if she went a different direction. Feeling like she missed out on opportunities early in life. If this might be all there is (we have been together since she was 17). She said she felt like reality wasn't real and this was make believe at times.
Summer 2022 she made a new mom friend. She was pretty toxic and selfish. She used my wife for personal benefit and to go places. Yelled at her kids and treated the oldest from a prior marriage as less than (girl doesn't know her dad and when she mentioned she was part Mexican she freaked out and denied it because of how conservative and anti Mexican her new dad and his family is). Like never offered a dime, but expected food, gas, tickets, and gifts. She drove my wife nuts with that behavior. but she was desperate for a friend and loved her kids. Her friend would just talk shit about her partner pretty constantly and say my wife should be unhappy in her relationship too. Shit talking husbands behind their backs became like a mutual thing and I def hated it
Sometime 2023 she jumped into fantasy romance and fantasy smut /erotica. This progressed to an AI chat smut generator.
May 2023 monitoring was over and she was officially cancer free and had been on a health/mental health quest..
The mental health part started early in the year and she was seeing a therapist for depression and anxiety alone as well as her long list of childhood trauma. Off hand her therapist told her a few times she didn't know maybe just divorce me or something. I was super uncomfortable with this as it was completely outside her practicing scope and I didn't feel she should be providing relationship guidance, especially without me or the rest of the story. I felt a bit attacked and didn't even get the chance to give my perspective or account and felt that is pretty important after being here for a decade. A lot of negative points get omitted by her.
Summer 2023 she had some tough diagnosis for other chronic issues. Narcolepsy Dissociative Identity disorder Depression And a sleep disorder
I initially rejected this as I didn't want to accept these chronic and incurable conditions and insisted it has to be something else, that she's okay. It was taken as rejection of her.
Fall 2023 she reached out to a childhood ex bf a few states away and started an emotional affair. They kept in infrequent contact over the years and nothing ever came of it before. He has been unable to move past her or have meaningful relationships in 13 years. At first he pushed her away and rejected it, but after a month by Nov it was a thing. Texting saying I shouldn't worried because they dated before, but he ended up coming out as gay, calls in private, staying later after work. I gave it the benefit of the doubt but got burned. I found out in December the second time she wanted a private call in the car, and I checked her phone.
We started marriage counseling in Jan and I started my own therapy search as well as a condition of hers. She agreed to no longer contact the boy showed me the sent message ending it and blocked him. By Feb I found him listed in her phone as Saraa and found deleted texts and calls. In therapy she wanted to keep him as a friend and only friend and I tried this. She asked if a PO box would be okay for a birthday present, and I said no. That it crossed a line. It was also super close to Valentine's day. Next therapy I couldn't handle the anxiety and feeling physically ill when she used her phone, and we went through Jan again break off block etc.
In Feb the therapist recommended a separate space for conflict as we work on things. That too much conflict triggered her dissociative identity disorder. It was either a hotel as needed or a rv/camper. My wife was set on a camper and the only way to get a newer one was to add my credit/income to hers for a loan and I was uncomfortable on a $20k purchase. She assured me the intent of the camper was working on us and not separating/divorcing. She brought up me not having chores completely done all the time and I poured myself into it if that was making her unhappy over the years.
During this time in March I found out she got the secret PO box and had yet again resumed texting entirely deleting her logs. She had valentines gifts. birthday gifts, long distance electronic bracelets, and had an easter basket coming. Everything was put together into a box to be gotten rid of. That effort I had for chores and making everything spotless kind of died. Like there was that recognition that that obviously wasn't the problem. We lived completely separately for a few weeks until she could make a choice. We split our son and had almost zero interaction. Eventually she chose and I saw a notebook she used once in December. Basically she has started outlining a story envisioning herself as the lead character in once of her romantic fantasies and cast me and the other man as competing love interests
April and early may there was nothing. We did therapy and tackled our issues slowly. Together. Our future plans: college vs baby and the ticking clock of fertility and ifs after chemo. Etc
Last week she was going out for lilac picking and didn't text me for 2 hours and said she was at the beach. Later she showed me something in her email and I saw discord emails about a pw change and login. One bad gut feeling later and the next morning I see she deleted the discord emails and check our phone plan and her phone and see missing texts. I put in a phone record request for recent texts and text/call logs. She woke up and I said it did it and she said I was disgusting. Then admitted I was right.
She says after breaking it off she was worried he would hurt himself and just wanted to be sure he was okay and admitted to 3 texts and the discord call which i verified. Said that he was in therapy for his issues. She said she didn't want to bring it up to me because I would make it a fight and she thought she could just get away with a few texts to make sure. That she felt responsible for how much he had been hurt too.
So I did what I do with extreme anxiety and checked her work bag. I found an old journal they shared Jan to mid-march. Kind of confirmed again what was going on. Also revealed she lied to me about the trailer, or him? She couldn't get it without me and told him it was to work on separating from me easier. Yeah I kept pics in case this goes downhill because yeah, I'll gun for EVERYTHING. I'm sure that being tricked into signing a $20k contract under false pretenses for her personal benefit, secret po boxes, lying to our therapist repeatedly, secret texts, expecting gifts from the other man, career over spending time with family and a serious personality disorder on top of narcolepsy making a job hard to keep down wont do her favors at divorce/custody hearings.
So its all fresh for me again. I already have extreme anxiety and the autism doesn't help with reading/understanding people the best, although my gut intuition and pattern recognition are catching stuff fine.
WHERE I THINK I AM
Looking back, I can see that the personality disorder and narcolepsy are apparent. Dream delusion and memory issues from the narcolepsy make separating dream from reality hard as well as just recalling what happened. So whether not the "not feeling like reality is real" was a dream delusion or a full-blown dissociative episode... I can also see that messaging him was a "new" personality state. Maybe it's a manifestation of the trauma of nearly dying from cancer, maybe it's a fragment of her young identity that was created to survive her traumatic childhood resurfacing after nearly dying. But her interests and perspective massively shifted at that time and there was a clear separation between her with me and her with him. It was like this regression back to 15. Like she was molding an identity to fit his desires and interests. She took up tarot and witchy books, different music, painting, rockhounding (my interest), dried bouquets, dyed her hair and got multiple piercings. Even getting caught there was that click in her whole demeanor.
I can see how her friend may have jaded her towards me by all the shit she talked about HER husband. I can see that throwing herself into fantasy smut to cope flooded her with portrayals of unrealistic romance. That she progressed that by using an AI smut bot to hold those conversations with. Then she directly tried to process her own reality through the lens of those novels in that journal.
This "relationship" was "I love you, we can be together in 10 years". He wasn't going to leave his cushy job. Or his state. He didn't want to be a stepdad. He didn't want to support her career or have any involvement in it. She couldn't leave my state. Never saw illicit photos. No discussion of sex. It was like exactly what you think some lovestruck preteens would come up with. Like just a fantasy. No talk of bills or finances. Of moving. Of any substantial tangible entanglement.
Somehow that's easier to handle
I love her and don't want to leave her. But i desperately think she needs serious help and have told her I want her to do therapy 2x a month (on top of marriage therapy 2x).
I also think if a secret or deleted text happens again, I've got to take off the kid gloves and fight for it all. Cause well showing up at the dude's door would end in prison.
I'm sure this happening right as I fully got over last time and took a trust leap of faith on a "gay" friend that burned me will make it harder. I get the last few years have been garbage luck and I get almost dying can have profound affects though. She had been utterly loyal for 5 years (believe me I checked as we agreed to ie open book). Tying to see this with an open mind.
I get my exact expectations are muddy and part of this is just putting it into words to process for me, but I value if someone has any good input

i dont really know how to describe the horrible relationship i have with school and how much i regret pouring in so much of my heart to it to recieve nothing in return. school has always been so incredibly draining for me and competitive and i fucking hate how it just consumes my whole life. i dont regret getting my degree, i just immensely regret how much of my life i felt like i put on hold because of it- and i have been doing it since middle school.
i was placed in a advanced program that was taking classes two years ahead of grade level and it was such a massive turning point for me because i started basing my whole worth and personality on it. which i know is entirely my fault, but i feel as though it was just sort of engraved into my head. i feel like i always had to be the best and top of the class and it just made me incredibly depressed. i was super suicidal (which maybe everyone was back then), but i still continued doing it because i felt so unworthy without it. i grew up with a twin who was vastly different and didn’t grow up with the same pressure, and i notice it ALL the fucking time and how it sort of crafted the people we became and just how betrayed i feel by everybody who kind of fed into this for me and pushed me to continue doing it.
flash forward a little bit, carried the habits on to high school and barely gave myself a moment to breathe because now i had a reputation to keep up with- except this time i needed to pack on more. it wasn’t just school now, it was music, arts, sports…
my grandma started doing poorly and im so fucking upset with myself that toward the end of her life, when she was in the hospital, i was doing fucking homework instead of talking to her and being with her.
flash forward to the fucking HELL my undergrad was, i fucking hated myself and on top of it kept pushing. nothing was sort of enough to fill what i would say was instilled in me, and again had no time to really develop myself as a person- i was so career oriented and just idk an absolute mess because of how much i feel like i put on hold to focus on school.
my dad started doing poorly… i often just ignored his calls because i was so overwhelmed with school to even step out of the black hole i was in and i didnt want any distractions- i remember he called once while i was studying (i had no idea he wasn’t doing well) and we talked about calculus and he was just trying so hard to relate to me and find something to talk about and i just wrote it off and remember wanting to hurry up the conversation so i could get back to preparing for an exam and that KILLS me and i hope he didnt notice or that he at least understood. about a week later, he called again and i didnt respond because i was so busy with everything going on and he left a voicemail. i listened to the voicemail later that night and it wasnt really any words, kind of like he forgot to hang up the phone. my dad had a bit of a drinking problem and i hate that UGH idk i never said anything about it or like talked to him more. anyway, a couple days go by and im at the library studying for a really important exam and my mom calls- i dont answer- she texts me that it’s important and i have the BIGGEST pit in my stomach at this point. i finally answer and she tells me that my dad is in the hospital and they dont think hes going to make it. i remember literally every detail of who was around me and their reaction to me just bursting into tears and rushing out of the library. like it fucking absolutely broke me and i never got to speak to him again and have this voicemail with no words.
i just feel like school has been such a negative experience for me and i hate who i was and who i am with it. i hate pieces of my life it took away from me and inspired me not to have. i took a WEEK off of school and one of my professors still made me submit homework- and i did it. WHY DID I JUST WASTE SO MUCH TIME DOING THINGS THAT DONT FUCKING MATTER. idk im just so upset with how i balanced my life and i really didnt know any other way- it was how i grew up and how the pressure was distributed.
anyway, here i am in a graduate program because i dont know how the fuck to stop and am at a point where im waiting for this all to be worth it- maybe i land a really good job that makes me feel like the sacrifice was worth it, maybe i could buy my mom a house or shoot for financial freedom. i am so unbelievably tired and still so goddamn unhappy, but dont do anything about it and feel so stuck and caught up in the current. have been and will be and i honestly feel like im never going to be happy or just forgive myself. i feel like i fucked up so terribly and theres so much more to it and all of it is meaningless to me.
anyway, i just really needed to vent and am just really hurt

“Ready to make history, baby?”
I looked over toward Sheila as she stood on the gangplank leading up to The Burger. I still couldn’t believe she named our research ship ‘The Burger’... emotional relevance be damned.
“It's not exactly history,” I corrected.
“Oh come on! If your survey is right, this trench might run even deeper than the Challenger Deep, and you’re gonna be the first person to explore it! How is that not exciting?”
“Might be deeper, we only have a limited amount of topological data. And even if it is deeper, we’re talking only a few hundred feet at most, it’s really not that im-”
Sheila silenced me with a kiss.
“Nerd.” She teased, and I found myself too flustered to reply. After five years of marriage, she still could leave me speechless with just a kiss. God… how did someone like me end up with a woman like that?
Then again, how did someone like me end up where I was in general? It was honestly a little overwhelming. Standing on the dock, getting ready to board that ship and join the ranks of Jacques Piccard and James Cameron (yes, that James Cameron) as one of the few people to take a manned submersible down to the deepest parts of the ocean. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little scared too. Diving down that deep could easily be a one way trip if even the slightest thing went wrong. My submarine would be experiencing between 600 to 1100 atmospheres of pressure and while we’d tested it over and over again to make sure it would actually be up for the challenge, there was still a lingering iota of doubt in the back of my mind. All that needed to go wrong was one little thing, and that would be it for me.
The scariest part is that I probably wouldn’t even know what had happened… I’d simply be gone… and Sheila would be alone. The thought of that caused a momentary spike of panic in my chest that almost made me want to call this whole thing off.
Almost.
But, then I felt her hand close around mine. I looked up into her bright blue eyes, and saw her gentle smile.
“You’re gonna be okay, hun,” She promised. “You and your team have been running the numbers, right? It’s gonna go just fine!”
I nodded slowly.
“It’s gonna go fine…” I repeated, before she leaned in to kiss me, and gently pulled me by the wrist up onto the deck of the Burger.
She was probably right.
It probably would be fine.
Probably…
The trench I’d be exploring was a fairly recent discovery, located south of Greenland, in a vast stretch of water situated directly between Newfoundland and Iceland. It’d been uncovered during a topological survey in the area, and my team had taken an interest in investigating it further. At minimum, it was believed to descend to about 35,000 feet deep (over 10,000 meters), although the current theory was that it might have run even deeper. Determining the exact depth of the yet unnamed chasm was just one of the intents of our dive. The rest was studying the organisms that might be found down there, and how they might have differed from the ones found in other deep ocean trenches (some variation being expected given the isolated environment they were developing in.)
I had to admit, it would be exciting to see what new life might have developed in a place such as this, especially if it ran even deeper than our predictions… and that excitement was enough to make me chase the fear of the risks out of my mind, even if it was only briefly. While Sheila went to make sure we were ready to embark, I caught myself wandering out toward the rear of the ship where my submarine, The Tempura, waited for me. Did this submarine deserve a better name than The Tempura? Probably. But, this was my project, so I got to name it and since Burger was already taken, Tempura was the next best name I had. I liked to think that the subs namesake might approve… if she hadn’t died fifteen years ago. Shrimp don’t live very long.
As the ship began to depart, I caught myself reminiscing on how I’d ended up here… it really was all because of those damn shrimp, wasn’t it? Well… maybe not all because of the shrimp. But they were certainly part of it. Back when I was a lot younger, I never really gave much of a shit about anything at all. I guess I did have a thing for the ocean… the great, romantic vastness of it. The sense of adventure that it beckoned with. The endless mysteries that lay within its dark depths. I used to read about it all the time when I was a kid and I especially loved the classic adventures: Verne’s 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, and Melville’s Moby Dick… but that love was just confined to my books. I didn’t really have any interest in actually going out and seeing the ocean. Hell, the idea of going to a beach and standing in the sun with my toes in the sand seemed miserable to me. I was happier (although calling myself happy might’ve been a little disingenuous) alone in my room, enjoying the company of books as opposed to people.
Then came the shrimp.
One of my online friends kept them as a hobby. He used to post pictures of his tanks all the time, and I always thought they looked kinda cool. He said that if I was interested in them, I should try keeping some for myself, and during a particularly bad bout of depression, I figured that maybe it might be worth a shot. So, I bought a cheap tank and some cheap decorations, bought myself some shrimp… and promptly watched them die over the next few weeks. That… that bothered me. I don’t know why but… it really bothered me. I’m still not entirely sure how to describe what it was that I was feeling. Guilt? Defeat? Shame? Here I was, trying to set up a habitat for these creatures just to have something to do to keep the suicidal ideation at bay, and I’d failed almost right out of the gate.
Was I just that bad? Was I just that much of a failure? Was this just going to go to shit just like everything else in my life did, because I was just such an abysmal piece of shit who barely deserved the life she had? Had I just not tried hard enough? Was I too apathetic? What had happened? What went wrong?
It bothered me.
It bothered me enough that I made up my mind to just dump the remaining shrimp down the toilet and toss everything. Forget about it. Move on. End of story. But… that wasn’t fair, was it? The shrimp didn’t all deserve to die just because I couldn’t be bothered, did they? Sure, they were just shrimp, but they were alive too, just like me. They deserved to be alive.
I owed it to them to try and keep them alive, didn’t I?
So… I didn’t dump the shrimp.
Instead, I started doing some reading. Started looking into what I was doing wrong and how to do it all better. I actually got really into it and a few months later, I had a nice planted tank. Looking back, it was amateur shit… but it made me happy. I’d even picked out names for my two favorite shrimp. Burger and Tempura. They’d been the last survivors of my original batch, and they were the ones I ended up caring about the most. Caring for Burger and Tempura gave me a purpose. It became an obsession… and that little obsession drove me to finally start turning my life around.
Like I said, shrimp don’t live for very long. Burger and Tempura were long dead by the time I graduated with a degree in Marine Biology. But they were the ones who inspired me to finally get my life in order. Hell, the shrimp were half the reason that I met Sheila. She was something of an aquarium fanatic too… we’d met on a forum, and gotten to talking. I found out that she just so happened to be studying Marine Biology at another school, and we bonded pretty quickly after that. After graduation, I moved to California to be with her and after that, the rest is history. She was my rock. She was the one who always pushed me to be the best possible version of myself… and I loved her more than I ever knew I could love someone.
A glance back at the shore, fading into the distance tore me out of my reminiscing, and I shifted my focus to the present, going over The Tempura to perform some quick checks. My colleagues and I would be checking and rechecking the submarine over the next two days as we made our way toward the dive spot. Considering the danger that descending that deep posed, I didn’t want to take a single unnecessary risk.
I had too much to live for, after all.
***
The day of the dive, I couldn’t notice how excited the rest of the crew seemed… well… Sheila’s usual crew seemed excited. I guess to them, this was just another research expedition, no different than the ones Sheila usually took this ship out on. Lately her research had been focused on the analysis and study of whale calls. Her recent voyages had involved following their pods, recording their calls and playing them back to see how the whales reacted. It was fascinating stuff, but my research was admittedly a lot different than that.
My obsession had drawn me to the denizens of the deep sea. I’d used The Burger for expeditions before, although none of them had been on quite the same scale as this one. Up until today, the most ambitious thing I’d done was send down unmanned submersibles with cameras. Those submersibles had typically returned. We had lost a few early on due to technical glitches, but the past few years had been blissfully uneventful. Logically, this dive would probably be uneventful as well. But it was still hard to get the jitters out of my head.
My team and I did the final checks necessary to make sure that The Tempura was good to go, before setting up the crane to begin lifting it up. In less than an hour, I’d be inside of that thing, descending to the darkest depths of the ocean.
It didn’t feel real.
I felt Sheila’s hand on my shoulder, and looked over at her.
“Moment of truth, huh?” She asked. She probably meant it to sound encouraging, but it just sounded ominous.
“Moment of truth…” I replied.
“You’re gonna be okay, honey. I know you will.”
She reached out to gently squeeze my hand and gave me a reassuring smile that I meekly returned.
“Yeah, it’s gonna be okay,” I agreed, although there was an element of a lie in it. Statistically, yes. It probably WOULD be okay. But there was that lingering anxiety in the back of my mind that just wouldn’t go away. I looked quietly out at the submarine before me and couldn’t shake the thought that it sort of looked like a giant coffin. Unconsciously, I found myself squeezing Sheila’s hand tighter than normal. She just held me close and pressed a kiss to the top of my head, before gently rubbing my back.
“You’ll be okay,” She promised.
“Dr. Jenner, we’re ready for you.” I heard one of my colleagues say.
Moment of truth.
I took one last look at Sheila, and gave her a quick kiss on the lips for luck. She smiled at me, and I smiled back anxiously at her before heading over toward the submarine.
The crew helped me enter the cockpit and get myself situated inside. The cockpit of the Tempura was fairly cramped and not particularly comfortable. Space and comfort aren’t really luxuries you can afford in a submarine like this. The instruments I needed took up a lot of space, leaving little room for me in there… and I am not a very big person.
Once I was inside, they sealed the hatch. Then the diagnostics checks began.
“Grayson, can you hear us in there?” I heard Sheila say through the radio.
“Loud and clear,” I replied.
“Great. We’ll keep in constant radio contact, just to monitor the signal. In the meanwhile, how’s everything looking in there?”
“Green across the board so far,” I said, although I hadn’t finished running all my final checks yet. Ultimately, nothing was out of place.
This submarine was as good to go as it was going to get.
“I’m all good in here,” I said once I was done. “You can drop me when you’re ready.”
“You got it, honey. Let’s get you in the water, run one final round of tests and start lowering you down.”
A short while later, I felt the submarine begin to move as the crane lifted it off the deck and lowered it into the water. The Tempura honestly resembled its namesake in a way, being long and cigar shaped, only vertically oriented instead of horizontally oriented. We’d admittedly taken more than a few design cues from James Cameron’s Deepsea Challenger. Why fix what isn’t broken, after all?
Once I was in the water, a 1000 pound releasable ballast weight would cause the submarine to sink. Releasing that weight was also my ticket back to the surface, and I could either trigger it from inside the cockpit, or, in the event that the release failed for any reason, it would trigger automatically after roughly 12 hours of exposure to salt water.
Ideally, this would be the first of a number of dives I’d be undertaking… and if all went according to plan, the Tempura could be the first of many similar submarines that would allow other researchers to safely and effectively descend to extreme depths. If all went well, this could be a massive leap forward for researchers like me, allowing us to better explore the deepest depths of the Hadal Zone and learn all we could about the ecosystems down there via direct observation.
If all went well.
If.
Through the viewport, I watched as I was lowered into the ocean. A few of the other crew members had donned diving gear to escort me down, and after they did their final checks and I did mine, we were fully ready to go.
“All’s green across the board,” I said into the radio. “You can start my descent.”
“I hear you, honey,” Sheila replied. “We’re letting you go. Have fun down there.”
“Yeah, I’ll try…” I said quietly as finally, my submarine began its descent.
I took a deep breath, and told myself again that everything would go fine. We had checked everything on this submarine. We’d tested it rigorously. I wouldn’t have allowed myself to set foot inside of it if I hadn’t personally assured that it was safe. But anxiety never really goes away, does it? The crew couldn’t accompany me far. After only a few meters, they fell behind me as I sank deeper and deeper into the infinite, empty blue of the ocean. Soon after, the tether was released.
I was officially on my own.
“60 feet,” I heard Sheila say over the radio. “How are you doing in there?”
“Good,” I replied. “Doing… doing good.”
The submarine continued to descend. Through the viewport, I could see a few stray fish, but nothing particularly eye catching. I almost felt alone down there… almost…
“120 feet…” Sheila said.
“Still doing good,” I replied.
The descent continued, as the waters slowly grew darker and darker.
“400 feet…”
Everything around me just kept getting darker and darker. Only a fraction of the light from the sun ever reached these depths… and I’d be lying if I said that darkness didn’t feel a little… oppressive.
“800 feet… still feeling good?”
“Yeah, still feeling good…” I said, although it was a bit of a lie. If anything, I was second guessing all of this, but I wasn’t about to say that out loud.
“1000 feet… still good?”
“Still good…” I murmured. “I hear you loud and clear.”
Deeper… deeper… deeper.
“1500 feet…”
Three miles. I was three miles away from home. Three miles away from Sheila.
“2000 feet…”
Still a ways to go.
“3000 feet…”
By this point, it was fully dark outside of my cockpit. Outside, all I could see was inky darkness. Even the submarine’s lights didn’t really cut through it. And the kicker? Relatively speaking, I wasn’t that deep. Fishing trawlers reached deeper than this. Better to conserve power until I was at the bottom. My descent continued.
“6000 feet… still good?”
“Still good…”
The check ins were becoming less frequent. My descent still continued… deeper… deeper… deeper. By now, I’d entered the Hadal Zone. But there was still so much deeper o go.
“8000 feet…”
This was past the depths that most whales would dive to… and I still had a ways to go.
“10,000 feet.”
This was close to where the ocean floor usually bottomed out… and yet there was still so much further to go. No. I was really only a third of the way there. How long had it been?Not much had happened beyond my descent and a few sightings out of my viewport, but time had been passing. A glance at my watch confirmed it’d been almost an hour since I’d started to sink… and I knew I wasn’t even close to the bottom yet. The submarine continued to descend, sinking ever deeper as I dropped into an infinite darkness that few had ever dared to witness.
“15,000 feet.”
This check in came later than the others. At this point, Sheila and the crew must have figured that no news was good news, and they were right. I just continued to sink peacefully, down into the crushing depths of the ocean.
These were the depths that one might normally find deep sea fish… and yet I was going somewhere even deeper than that.
“20,000 feet…”
So close…
I continued to sink.
“25,000 feet.”
Soon… and finally…
“30,000 feet. You still doing alright, honey?”
“Yeah… yeah, I’m doing good,” I assured her. I was so close…
By this point, my real work had begun. I’d engaged the lights and begun documenting what little I could see using the on board cameras. Granted, there wasn’t much life at these depths and what little there was, was scarcely documented. Most of what was down here consisted of invertebrates and microscopic life that seemed to float past my viewport.
The light seemed to draw a few creatures in search of food. Small, hardy things that resembled shrimp.
“How’s it looking, Grayson?”
“Dark,” I said, half joking. “We’ve got some life… shrimp. They’re translucent. Can’t get a great look at them… but we’ll see what the cameras pick up.”
“They’ve recognized you as a friend,” Sheila said. I could almost see the smile on her lips as she said it.
“Yeah…” I replied, “Tempura sent them a message, told them I’d be down. How am I looking on depth?”
“35,000 feet… you seeing a bottom yet?”
“No… not that I would until I was there.”
“Damn… how deep does this go?”
“It can’t go that deep…” I murmured, although I really wasn’t so sure about that.
The submarine continued to sink…
36,000 feet…
37,000 feet…
38,000 feet… and then finally, just past the 39,000 foot mark, I finally saw solid ground below me.
Looking through my viewport, I could see a familiar dark brown diatomaceous sludge, covering the seafloor. Microscopic life, likely similar to what had been observed in other deep sea trenches, such as the Challenger Deep.
I needed to gather a sample.
As my submarine reached the bottom, I extended the mechanical arms, pressed flat against the surface of the Tempura, and opened the collection port near the bottom of the ship. Slowly, I sifted some of the sludge into the port. My disturbance of the seafloor kicked up a cloud of the microbial colony, and I could’ve sworn I saw something wiggling through the debris. A pale, white thing, perhaps some sort of sea cucumber? I hastily angled my submarines camera to try and catch a glimpse of it, before returning to my collection. Even in this forlorn place, there was still so much to see! And here I was… completely forgetting my fear as the excitement took hold of me! Few people had ever been down to these unfathomable depths… and yet here I was.
It didn’t feel real but it was! I had reached the deepest part of the ocean!
“How’s it going down there?” I heard Sheila ask. Her voice was a little garbled. The connection down here was faltering.
“It’s beautiful…” I said. “I can’t wait for you to see it!”
“I’ll bet…”
“I’m going to do a sweep of the area, see what samples I can gather,” I said. “What’s my time right now?”
“Three hours. You’ve got nine before your connection to the weight deteriorates and you start to ascend.”
“I’ll make the most of it,” I said. The plan was only to stay down there for six hours, and I didn’t want to push that limit. Life support would only last me for so long, and one little error was all it would take for the ungodly pressure down here to crush me.
I began to move the submarine. Mobility was limited. This thing wasn’t built to travel far. But I still had some limited movement. I recorded all that I could, filming the shrimp that investigated my light, and the things that slithered and crawled through the muck, likely feeding on the carpet of single celled organisms that populated these depths.
The first two hours were… well… I hesitate to call them uneventful, they were actually very fascinating, but little of note happened beyond my recording of a few specimens.
Midway through the third hour though, as I was reaching one of the rock walls of the abyss, I noticed something just above the edge of my viewport swimming away from the light. I could’ve sworn I saw slender, pale tentacles of some sort. Was that a squid? Were there squid down this deep? I wasn’t aware of any species of known squid who could reach these depths… but in this unknown place, what use was the known?
I moved my light and my camera to try and catch another glimpse of it, but whatever it was, it seemed to be gone. Maybe I’d see another one. I still had plenty of time.
“You made a noise. What’d you see?” Sheila asked.
“Something big… I think,” I said.
“Down there? Like a fish?”
“Squid. You wouldn’t find any vertebrates down this deep… the pressure would crush their bones.”
“Jeez…”
I didn’t reply to that, still searching for the thing I’d seen. I shone my light up along the walls of the chasm and angled my camera up as far as it would go. I could see a few volcanic vents, spewing dark clouds into the darkness, and more diatoms. But not much else. Strange invertebrates crawled along the walls. Small creatures, no bigger than an inch long. Related to isopods, perhaps? If I could collect one as a sample, I would have… although taking any of those back to the surface would surely kill them. They were built to live under the impossible pressure of these depths. Taking them to the surface would rip them apart.
I went back to my research, and it wasn’t long until I saw something in the darkness, just on the edge of where my flashlight reached. Trailing white tendrils, snaking their way through the darkness. My eyes narrowed as I moved the submarine forward, trying to catch whatever it was in the light. I saw the shape move, its body turning… I saw its tendrils unfurling. Whatever this was, it was big. It was almost as big as The Tempura… although it was also slender. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought I was looking at some sort of floating debris, but this far down? No. And debris wouldn’t move like that.
This had to be a deepsea squid… or perhaps some other type of cephalopod? Something that preyed upon the various invertebrates down here, perhaps? It seemed to float, just out of sight for a bit, as I tried to get closer. I angled up my light to get a better look at it. The light seemed to shine through it, like some sort of ghost… but I did manage to get a look at it.
Although that look…
That single look made me freeze up.
This things slender tendrils certainly resembled a cephalopod of some sort, but the rest of it… the rest of it looked like something else entirely. Its body was thin, emaciated and translucent, yet despite that it still had characteristics that almost seemed… human. It wasn’t human! Not by any stretch of imagination, but the resemblance was there. It almost reminded me of an exhibit I’d seen in a museum once, depicting a preserved, fully removed human nervous system. I could see a similar shape in its translucent body. Its head seemed almost human as well… albeit with no eyes, and a lamprey like mouth I could only describe as fleshy yet crablike.
Still, despite having no eyes I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was looking at me. And that was when I felt something hit the submarine.
I felt a sudden jolt of panic in my chest. For a moment, I thought that the pressure had started to crush me, but no… no, everything was still fine. Something had just hit me. But what? It didn’t take long before I got my answer.
Another pale creature floated past my viewport, swirling gracefully in the cold dark waters. I watched it for a moment with wide eyes, before noticing its ‘head’ turning slightly toward me. Then, almost instantly, it launched itself at the submarine, darting toward me with blinding speed.
I heard a distinct THUD as its body collided with me, and I could see its pale tendrils pressing against the viewport, twisting and writhing violently. It was trying to attack me. The first creature that I’d seen lunged as well, pounding on my submarine with another THUD. And moments later, I could hear more impacts against the hull. There were more of them… and they did not like having me down there.
“What’s going on?” Sheila asked.
“Somebody doesn’t like me…” I said. “One of the animals down here… some kind of squid, it’s just started attacking the hull.”
“How bad is the damage?”
“Not sure… could be nothing, could be-”
I felt the submarine shake as I tried to move it. The thrusters that pushed me forward weren't responding. Had something gotten caught in it? One of the creatures perhaps?
“Grayson?!” Sheila asked.
“Lost propulsion…” I said. “Fuck… I can’t move.”
“Then drop the weight and come up!”
“No, it’s fine, there’s no other damage, I can still use the port and starboard thrusters to-”
“Grayson!”
I paused. There was genuine panic in her voice… enough to make me realize that even if these things stood little chance of actually breaching the hull, taking the risk would be a fatal mistake.
“I’m on my way up…” I finally said, before reaching out to disengage the ballast weights.
Immediately, I felt myself beginning to rise, although the tentacles clinging to my viewport didn’t disappear.
“We’ve got you…” Sheila said. “Rising up to 38,000 feet.”
The submarine continued to rise, but the creatures clinging to me went nowhere. In fact… I was sure I could see more of them. More pale shapes coming up through the darkness, and these ones filled me with dread. I thought I had been looking at some sort of eerie undiscovered life. But seeing what was coming up toward me now… I knew that I was looking at so much more. The creatures swimming up toward me through the darkness carried weapons… makeshift stone spears and daggers. Primitive tools… but tools all the same.
Signs that these were more than just undiscovered animals.
Much. Much more.
The word: ‘Mermaids’ crossed through my mind, but these were something far different than the ones I’d heard of in folklore. These looked like they’d swam out of the depths of hell itself. Boneless pale tendrils reached for me… and they were getting closer. The pale shapes reached my submarine as I rose higher. I kept praying to whatever God may be listening that the dropping pressure would force them off. The air in a submarine is pressurized, so during normal operation, there should have been no danger of decompression sickness for me.
For them… well… normally I’d feel a little guilty about subjecting an undiscovered species of deep sea mermaids to the horrors of the Bends. But given my circumstances, I didn’t have a lot of other options.
They didn’t let go, though.
They should have. But they didn’t.
What were these things?
I saw a splayed hand press against my viewport. Or… it somewhat resembled a hand. It had suckers on it, like a tentacle and the ‘fingers’ curled open like tentacles. The creature crawled over my viewport, clinging to The Tempura as it rose, and I could see the folds of its crablike mouth opening and pressing against the glass. I could see some sort of bile rising up through its translucent throat, before it secreted it all over my viewport. Was it trying to digest me? Was that how these things fed? How strong were its stomach acids? Were they strong enough to-
The window cracked.
My heart skipped a beat.
“No… no, no no…”
“Grayson, what’s wrong?!”
“They cracked the window… S-Sheila they… oh God… oh fuck, they just…”
“THEY DID WHAT?”
“It’s secreting some sort of enzyme… it’s on the window, it’s… FUCK… I’m gonna die… I’m gonna die… I’m gonna die…”
“You’re not gonna die, baby! Just… just keep ascending, okay? You’re at 30,000 feet… just keep going…”
I nodded, and kept on rising, although the question of whether or not the rest of the creatures were trying to digest the other parts of my submarine floated through my mind. How much damage could The Tempura take before it imploded? How much longer did I have? The submarine still continued to rise… 25,000 feet… almost halfway home… almost… almost.
The creature outside of my viewport slithered along the glass, searching for a better area to try and digest. Past him, I noticed a few of his companions dropping off. Maybe the change in pressure finally was getting to them?
From the corner of my eye, I suddenly noticed a flashing light. A warning. The hydraulics on one of the Tempura’s arms were shot… what else was damaged?
I checked my oxygen levels. 32%.
I should’ve had at least 14 hours of air. I’d only been down there for about 6 hours… I shouldn’t have been this low.
31%.
No… no, no, no, no… they’d damaged the air tanks!
30%.
29%
“20,000 feet!” Sheila said. “You still with me, baby?”
“Y-yeah…” I said. I didn’t mention my air situation. I didn’t need to worry her further.
The submarine continued its ascent.
15,000 feet.
24%. I was running out of time.
The creatures still clung to the Tempura. How had the pressure change not killed them yet? My oxygen was dropping faster than before. I was hemorrhaging air. Another crack formed across my viewport. I let out a little, involuntary gasp before trying to force myself to stop hyperventilating.
“Grayson, what was that?”
“I-it’s fine…” I stammered, “It’s fine!”
“Grayson what the hell is going on down there?!”
“They’re still on the submarine… they’re still…” I paused, looking at my oxygen levels. “19%...”
“19% of what? Grayson what’s going on!”
I paused.
18%.
“Air… I’m… I’m losing air…”
“That’s fine, you’re going to make it!” She said, although I heard her voice cracking a little. “You’re gonna make it!”
I didn’t answer.
12,000 feet.
11,000 feet…
My oxygen level continued to drop.
15%.
14%.
12%.
9,000 feet.
The creatures still clung to me, as the submarine continued to rise. The one on my viewport was still there, slowly crawling along the glass again. I stared into its eyeless face and swore I was looking at the face of my killer.
7,000 feet…
Oxygen had dropped to 9%. It dropped to 8% before I even got to 6,000 feet. I was going to die here…
The viewport cracked again and I squeezed my eyes shut. The submarine rocked. I was sure one of the thrusters had been damaged. My ascent slowed.
“Grayson, what’s going on?”
“I’m sorry Sheila…”
Another crack spread across my viewport.
“I’m… I’m not making it back up…”
“YES YOU ARE!”
“I’m sorry…” The tears started to come as the reality of my death became clearer and clearer… this was it.
“YOU’RE COMING BACK UP, YOU HEAR ME! GODDAMNIT, I’LL BRING YOU BACK UP!”
“I love you…”
That creatures face pressed against the glass. It vomited more of its stomach acid onto the cracked glass, and I wondered if this might finally be what broke it. Part of me hoped it would be… the one good thing about dying this deep was that at least I’d die quickly. My suffering would be over. Then, the creature suddenly pulled back, twisting and writhing violently. I saw other shapes moving past it in the water, other ‘mermaids’ that had been clinging to the submarine.
Something was agitating them.
Something was scaring them off.
Then I heard it, over the radio… whale songs.
“What the hell…?”
“Grayson, are you still there?!”
“I… they’re finally breaking off. Sheila, what did you do?”
“I’m broadcasting some of the orca recordings we’ve been using. Are they still clinging to you?”
“No! They’re backing off! I… whatever you’re doing, keep doing it!”
The submarine kept rising.
5,000 feet.
4,000 feet.
4% oxygen.
I could still do this, right?
The submarine continued to rise.
3%.
3,000 feet.
2,000 feet.
2%.
1,000 feet… so close… I was so close…
I could almost see the surface through my viewport, rushing up toward me. I tried not to breathe. Tried not to move. All I did was hope.
500 feet.
I closed my eyes.
“Grayson we have your signal, we’re coming to pick you up!”
Sheila’s voice sounded so far away as my submarine finally breached the surface of the water… and with the last of my strength, I pulled the emergency release on the hatch, and threw it open, taking in lungful after lungful of fresh salty air.
I didn’t dare so much as touch the water beneath me… but I was topside again, and in the distance, I could see The Burger!
“We see you!” Sheila said, “We’ve got you baby… we’ve got you…”
“I see you too…” I said through the tears. “Thank you… thank you…” I didn’t have any words left in me after that.
As soon as I was back on the ship, I collapsed into Sheila’s arms, breaking down into tears as I clung to her, terrified that at any moment, some sort of unspoken other shoe would drop and I’d lose her all over again.
“Shh… it’s alright baby… I’ve got you… you’re safe… you’re safe…” I felt her fingers running through my air and I knew that what she said was true.
I was home.
I was safe.
***
I left my colleagues to review the data that the Tempura gathered during its short expedition. As far as I know, they haven’t published anything. I have a few ideas as to why, but I’ll keep those to myself. Let’s just say that some people would rather this information not become public.
I have a feeling that the Tempura may not be diving again for some time, if ever. I will confess that I do consider that a bit of a shame. Despite everything… I would consider it a success. It endured far more stressful conditions than I had expected, and from what I heard, required fewer repairs than I’d thought it would. But, even if it was approved for another dive, it wouldn’t be me piloting it. No. I will never be setting foot inside of that machine again, nor will I ever be returning to what my colleagues have been quietly referring to as ‘The Jenner Trench’.
I can’t.
Every night, I wake up crying after dreaming of pale shapes outside of my cracked viewport, clinging to Sheila and sobbing. I can’t put myself in that situation again.
I can’t.
Instead, I think I’m going to spend the next few years on solid ground. There’s a teaching position available at a local university. I think that might be the best place for me right now. Who knows, maybe I can help some other deadbeat discover a passion for marine biology.
After everything, my love for the sea remains unchanged… I’m just a little more wary of it, these days.

My friend asked me to help her pick out a pair of nice headphones as I've got a few nice pairs that she's listened to. With that being said, I was lucky enough to get in and back out of the headphone rabbit hole about 5 years ago. As a result, I'm rather unfamiliar with the current offerings and what headphones are seen as the best for their respective uses and price ranges. Here's what I'm looking for:
$300 or less
Easy enough for a PC with no extra amplification to drive
Comfortable for multiple hours of use
Open Back
Use: Audio mixing and primarily classical and rock music listening (natural sound signature is preferred)
Let me know what you think are good pairs to look into further.

May I get outsiders perspective on this. Just seeking a space to vent & see what I did wrong.
So long story short, I am on my period. I inserted a tampon during the day. And later when removing it, I noticed only the bottom half came out.
I checked the toilet. Nothing there. You can see the way the tampon was shaped, it looked broken off. Y’all….I tried to see if I could remove anything. Nothing came out. My parents advised to seek medical help.
I went to the urgent care & arrived 45 mins before they closed for the day. Immediately, the patient care coordinator (PCC) that took my vitals, it felt standoffish. My gut felt something was off & she didn’t care about my plight. She left & soon after a Nurse practitioner & his nurse came in. He used a speculum to inspect & he said he saw nothing. He wanted to check my cervix, but I am a wimp & was in a lot of pain & yelped out. He stopped the exam, & said from what he saw, he didn’t see anything & I could seek a second opinion if I was still concerned. I thanked him & they left.
But my Mom said to call her before leaving. She is a Nurse & she said to ask for a X-Ray is possible. So I asked the PCC if I can get a X-ray to be sure, y’all SHE LIED & verbally said their facility didn’t have x-rays. She was impatient with me, huffing & visibly annoyed, I had called my mother by this point, & on the phone with my Mom, just to feel safe. I don’t trust the PCC at this point either.
I relayed what the PCC said to my mom, she said ok, go ahead & leave, I then hung up the phone, which was when the PCC, she asks if I am done & ready to go, in an aggravated rushed tone. As if I was a huge nuisance for her asking all these questions.
Later, after changing, I went back to the front to ask for the names of people that saw me. They only gave me the 1st name of the PCC. I asked the Nurse practitioner if they had x-rays, & he confirmed that yes they do! But I will not get an x-ray b/c it wasn’t appropriate & he said my mom was wrong & she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Again he relayed this in a very condescending tone. I asked if he’ll provide a reason why it was inappropriate, he said no. I asked if he’ll document refusing this medical service for me, he said no.
At that point, it was 7 mins past their closing period. I understand they had a long day & wanted to leave. People in the office looked visibly uncomfortable. I was talking in firm, leveled tone, but the vibe made me feel like a major nuisance or annoyance. According to some reddit forums, asking to document refusal of service is considered dumb. Is this true? Did I take it too far? Over imagining things? My parents said I wasn’t and to seek a 2nd opinion to be sure. I was doing my best to advocate for myself while maintaining a calm demeanor to express my concerns.
But damn, tonight was my 1st time experience of this. What should I have done differently? Was I dumb asking those questions & taking up so much time? One thing for sure, this experience, it’s motivated me to truly think of ways to help Black patients in healthcare settings.

Please let me know how this sounds 💚 I am terrible with words and terrified of public speaking sooooo I need it to sound good while I try not to pass out as I give this speech 💀
-Hello everyone! Thank you all for joining us to celebrate these two amazing individuals. Bride, you look absolutely stunning, and groom, you clean up quite nicely too!

• I know a good portion of you here with us tonight but for those I don’t know, hi my name is MOH.
  
• I met Groom and Bride in high school through mutual friends. While I hung out with bride occasionally and bumped into groom in group settings, it wasn't until a few years later that bride and I would become close.
  
• bride, It's difficult to put into words just how grateful I am for you, but ill give it my best shot. Thank you for loving me for who I am, even though I'm a bit bullheaded and stubborn. You’re the person I call when I have exciting news to share or need to vent after a tough day. I know my deepest secrets are safe with you and you’ll give me the advice I need, even when it's tough to hear. Thank you for loving my children as your own, even if they are little wild. I can never thank you enough for always being around to support me during those dark days after I had child’s name.. I don’t know how I would of made it these last 9 years with out you. While life has taken us down different paths, we have always made the best effort to keep our friendship as close as possible. Naps on the couch with the dogs and all day hangouts have turned into trips to the zoo and hour long phone calls on your drive home and even longer when you commuted for school. Just know we can never stop our wild days on the boat and ice cream runs to ___, those keep us both somewhat sane. Bride you are kind and loving, genuine to the core and never afraid to speak your mind. You are truly amazing inside and out and i’m so glad I to call you my best friend.
  
• Groom, I was unsure if we would become friends in the beginning of you and bride’s relationship. You would walk in the door without saying a word, heading straight for the computer room. Now when you walk in, you almost always have some smack to talk, so id say we’ve come a long way. You’re not the type to write some mushy Facebook post professing your love for bride, and If you did, I'd probably think you've hit your head... But words aren’t necessary to see how much you adore her. The way your face lights up when you look at her says it all. Your love for her is unconditional. Thank you for loving bride exactly as she is, for always standing by her as her biggest supporter, and for filling her days with laughter and joy. Even if that means occasionally pushing her buttons just to get a rise out of her. I could not imagine a more perfect person to be her husband.
  
• Mr. And Mrs. XXXX! I have been dying to say that all day. Thank you for allowing the kids and I to be a part of your special day. May your love continue to grow stronger with each passing day, and may your journey together be filled with laughter, joy, and endless blessings. Here's to a lifetime of happiness and cherished memories. Congratulations, Groom and Bride, I love you both. Cheers!!
  

Please let me know how this sounds 💚 I am terrible with words and terrified of public speaking sooooo I need it to sound good while I try not to pass out as I give this speech 💀
-Hello everyone! Thank you all for joining us to celebrate these two amazing individuals. Bride, you look absolutely stunning, and groom, you clean up quite nicely too!

• I know a good portion of you here with us tonight but for those I don’t know, hi my name is MOH.
  
• I met Groom and Bride in high school through mutual friends. While I hung out with bride occasionally and bumped into groom in group settings, it wasn't until a few years later that bride and I would become close.
  
• bride, It's difficult to put into words just how grateful I am for you, but ill give it my best shot. Thank you for loving me for who I am, even though I'm a bit bullheaded and stubborn. You’re the person I call when I have exciting news to share or need to vent after a tough day. I know my deepest secrets are safe with you and you’ll give me the advice I need, even when it's tough to hear. Thank you for loving my children as your own, even if they are little wild. I can never thank you enough for always being around to support me during those dark days after I had child’s name.. I don’t know how I would of made it these last 9 years with out you. While life has taken us down different paths, we have always made the best effort to keep our friendship as close as possible. Naps on the couch with the dogs and all day hangouts have turned into trips to the zoo and hour long phone calls on your drive home and even longer when you commuted for school. Just know we can never stop our wild days on the boat and ice cream runs to ___, those keep us both somewhat sane. Bride you are kind and loving, genuine to the core and never afraid to speak your mind. You are truly amazing inside and out and i’m so glad I to call you my best friend.
  
• Groom, I was unsure if we would become friends in the beginning of you and bride’s relationship. You would walk in the door without saying a word, heading straight for the computer room. Now when you walk in, you almost always have some smack to talk, so id say we’ve come a long way. You’re not the type to write some mushy Facebook post professing your love for bride, and If you did, I'd probably think you've hit your head... But words aren’t necessary to see how much you adore her. The way your face lights up when you look at her says it all. Your love for her is unconditional. Thank you for loving bride exactly as she is, for always standing by her as her biggest supporter, and for filling her days with laughter and joy. Even if that means occasionally pushing her buttons just to get a rise out of her. I could not imagine a more perfect person to be her husband.
  
• Mr. And Mrs. XXXX! I have been dying to say that all day. Thank you for allowing the kids and I to be a part of your special day. May your love continue to grow stronger with each passing day, and may your journey together be filled with laughter, joy, and endless blessings. Here's to a lifetime of happiness and cherished memories. Congratulations, Groom and Bride, I love you both. Cheers!!
  

I’m an advocate for two children in foster care whose foster family pays their cell bills. Soon they’ll be going back home to their parents and the grandparents think the parents won’t pay the bills and they won’t be able to contact the kids. For reasons, the grandparents will not pay the bills.
Would Google Voice be something they could set up and use? Currently they have phone numbers but what happens if/when their service gets shut off for nonpayment? Would GV still work over a wifi connection in this scenario?
Thanks for any insight anyone can provide.

i started smoking maryjane1 year ago and ever since i started i haven’t stopped, before i smoke everything seemed like it made sense and i was js honestly happy, but now i feel disconnected to reality. i’m so disconnected i’m starting to question my own existence, like if you really think about it the word eyes js dosent make sense how can we see, like who created our creator. i think deep and zone out everyday questioning everything. it makes you go crazy. okay i’m yapping LMAOAOAO SEE BRU honestly i have lost so many brain cells but also my happiness 💔 but i’ve also gained the best sense of humor 😜🥰

I recently posted about frustration with the anxiety of younger kids these days. There are a lot of people giving fair reasons for the anxiety many talking about social media and cell phones.
I’ve read articles recently about this that talk about how you can correlate the rise of things like anxiety, depression, self harm, and suicide with the increase of cell phone usage, especially wine younger kids. Interestingly, one of the articles I read talked about how everyone locked their kids down from going outside and making sure they know where they are all the time, but everyone forgot about the fact that they let them looae on the Internet, which shows them everything. For example everyone was so worried about predators, but most sexual predators have moved online and that is where they are finding their victims I feel like we did a social experiment with these kids and it’s worked out really badly. So my question to Gen X, would you be willing to pull your kids off-line? Or for older Gen X could you tell your kids to keep their kids off-line? Would you be willing to not give them cell phones? What are you willing to do to deal with this real problem
Should also say I read an article in the New York Times about a school that was trying to ban cell phones, and it was the parents that pushed back because they wanted to be in touch with their children at all times. Their reason, of course, was school shootings, which while tragic are still, very unlikely to happen, but also the law enforcement people said they don’t want kids to be on their cell phones because they should be hiding and not talking and also they need to be listening to teachers about what to do to stay safe, which sadly is part of teacher training now.

Hi everyone, I recently finished a project (on April 3rd) and much like many of you, have been awaiting payment for quite a while. I eventually got in touch with Riipen through the avocado chat in hopes of getting some clarity on the payment timeline. The operator I reached out to eventually informed me of various issues they found with my project that they told me to resolve before payment could be issued.
It's a long story, but most of the issues the operator mentioned were either non-issues (ex. their website FAQ directly contrasted what they're saying), or something that I explained to them in a very detailed way but they seemingly didn't really read my messages.
I'm quite stressed about this and trying to be polite about the situation, but I can only say that the operator does not seem to really read any of my messages to explain my situation, and also responds quite slowly (I understand that they are busy but a one sentence response took almost five days) and without any detailed explanation at all.
Because of these experiences, I just want to see if there is any possible way I can contact any other representative on Riipen about my problem. I also tried to email the levelup@riipen email and after I found out that isn't checked, I emailed [help@riipen.com](mailto:help@riipen.com). The same operator responded back to me. I tried calling their number and the Level Up voicemail let me know that they aren't able to assist by phone. I don't know if the best option is to create a new ticket or if that would just also result in my issue being pushed to the back and even have the same operator responding again.
I understand that it might be difficult to understand my context given that I have omitted a lot of detail about my actual issues, but if providing more information would be helpful to resolving the situation, I would be more than willing to.
I also apologize for how lengthy this is getting, but long story short, I'm just wondering if any of you know any other possible way I could get in touch with Riipen. At this point I am really desperate and would really appreciate any possible help. Sincerely, thank you for reading and any possible insight.