Kaya ba mag move on ng fully kung first love mo? Di ko alam saan magsstart sa kwento ko. Minsan hate ko siya pero minsan miss ko rin siya. Miss ko lang yung time na nakalimutan ko siya pero life really has its ways.
We were childhood friends. Nagkakilala kami ni “Justin” nung preschool palang. Tapos nagkacrush ako sa kanya noong elementary. Of course yung sa puppy love, kilig kilig. Noong nag highschool kami, magka-iba ma kami ng school. We lost touch for a while pero since we had a similar circle of childhood friends we started talking again nung mga 3rd year na kami. Yun we clicked. Exact same footing nung bata pa kami. We talked everyday before going to school and falling asleep. Nagkakamustahan tungkol sa friends at family pati na rin sa mga school work. Minsan din we help each other to answer our homework. Feel ko I really fell for him at 15. He seemed so perfect to me. He understood me and my silences. Parang I didn’t have to explain my soul to him because he just got it. We never went out together na kami lang pag weekends kasi admittedly I felt like hindi ko kaya so lagi akong tumatanggi. As in parang nagrarambol yung mga butterflies sa tiyan ko when im around him. Somehow, parang yung common sense ko nawawala. Lahat pinagusapan namin hanggang sa future and mga trips for summer kahit wala naman kami label. Di ko rin alam if he felt the same way kasi never naman din kami nagshare ng feelings namin na ganon sa isat isa. Oo, bobita talaga. We went on like this until 4th year na kami. Nung prom ko, I brought one of my best friends as my dates kasi nag promise kami nung bata pa kami na kami mag kasama sa prom. I didn’t think of it much kasi Justin naman din told me he and his friends were planning to fly out for a grad trip around that time so I thought wala ding point if I asked him to go with me to prom. The night of prom sinabi ng friend niya na he kind of thought I’d ask him to prom. Shucks di ko alam pano magreact so kinalimutan ko nalang. Ayun so parang medyo nag on-off na contact namin. When we reached the last half of 12th grade, we went back to where we left off pero deep inside alam ko na I shouldn’t make anything of this anymore. His friends would tease me about him when I’d pass them in the hallway. Tapos when I bumped into his bestfriend on a night out, tinanong niya kung ano kami ni Justin. Wala akong masagot so tumawa nalang ako at sinabi friends lang. One time nagkasama lahat kami ng mga friends namin from elementary for inuman, and that night he stuck close to me. Always walking right behind me kahit na nagpapaiwan ako from the group kasi ayaw kong makasama siya na kami lang. The whole time he was asking me about the guys I’ve talked to/dated in the past years. Our group was bar hopping and just so happens na madami akong friends na lumabas that night. So naghhi hello ako and he’d just stand right behind me. He asked me how I knew most of the boys. Tapos sabi oh friend of friends lang ganon. Actually that night talaga sobrang nagccringe ako sa sarili ko kasi in one of the bars we went to he asked me to cover his part eh I didn’t want to interact with him so much so I nodded my head and paid nalang. We went to another bar naman Tapos he sat beside me. I felt so uncomfortable kasi parang di na gagana utak ko kung magkatabi kami at padami na yung na iinom. Yun umuwi ako with a friend and the night ended at that. I told myself na dapat i-let go ko na yun kasi wala naman din mangyayari at nagiging bobo lang ako. So i started replying slower and slower till di na kami nag kausap ulit. Tapos nung mga last few weeks ng grade 12 nilapitan ako ng kabarkada niya tinanong niya yung nag-uusap ba daw kami ni Justin, bat daw di kami magtry, cute naman daw kami together, bigay niya daw number ni Justin sakin para magkausap kami ulit. Tumawa nalang ako at sinabi na wala friends lang naman din kami. Yun so it’s water under the bridge na. I went to college abroad and I left right after I graduated hs. While I was settling down in a new place, tinawagan ako ng bestfriend ko. Pagkatingin ko ng mukha sa screen si Justin pala. Tinanong niya kumusta ko at dahil emotional ako at mag-isa sa ibang bansa sabi ko wag na tayo mag usap kasi alam ko may kausap or girlfriend ka na ganon. Sabi niya no wala pero yun din a week later nagpost siya na sila na ng kinakausap niya. Ok lang naman strong naman po ako. So kinalimutan ko na siya tapos masaya na ako. A few times lang rin during college nag dm siya sakin asking if may bf ako ganon pero yun lang. Fast forward graduate na kami lahat ng college so lahat kami sa batch namin nag uwian sa hometown to catch up. Di kami nag pansinan buong night. Nilapitan niya nalang ako nung may mga kumakausap sakin na mga lalaki. Nainis ako dahil di ako makalandi well since lagi siya nangingistorbo tapos paulit ulit niya ako kinakamusta na parang gago. Alam ko wala naman siyang feelings sakin, lintik lang talaga minsan. May common friend kami na girl tapos sila yung magkasama at nagsasayawan the whole night except nung times na nagpapapansin siya. Yun lang after nalaman ko may nangyari pala between them dati. Gusto kong sabihin na wala akong pake at all pero sa totoo may konting pag-irap ng mata kasi close kami dati ng ate gorl mo. Yun pa sinabihan niya ako that night na gago si guy and all that bago kami pumunta sa inuman. Recently, pumunta sa current city ko yung close friend niya na guy na ka close ko rin. We met up a few times as friends. Yun lang after ng first meeting namin na stinory ng guy friend, lagi na siya nanonood and like sa mga story ko. Ginagago niya ba ako? Or gusto niya lang lagi akong maiinis sa kanya?
TLDR: bobo ako at minsan miss ko pa rin siya

Hey , I am a high school student , I used to be hardworking student till high school and I went to ome of the top high schools in my country I was good in 9th grade especially for physics but now I am in 11th grade and I will fail the class if I don't get 90+ plus in this physics exam our topics are Torque and Angular momentum Electric charge , field and potential Capacitors Magnetic Forces,fields , Faraday's law ,Lenz's law , induction current and magnetic flux I have 13 days how should I study and which order should I study also I 'd be happy if you suggest books and youtube channels

So basically me and my mum have booked a holiday in July and she needed to her passport renewed. On Saturday 4th of May she paid for first class shipping so all the documents would arrive the next day, but it’s now 10 days later and it still hasn’t been received. She doesn’t have a tracking number as she never got given one, and she mailed her original birth certificate, marriage certificate and passport. How can we get a new tracking number?! We have called the Royal Mail office and the guy said he couldn’t help but to call this other number, but we’ve been on hold for an hour. Is there another way to sort this out ??

How do I get the motivation to finish this year I get out on June 20th and I’m genuinely burned out with keeping my grades up all year I got all A’s except one D in math and 2 other B’s I’m exhausted and still have 5-6 weeks in school I have a book project coming up I’m not to worried about finals sense my school does them different than most schools but I can’t pull myself and force myself to read a book atm I’m to mentally exhausted I don’t even wanna do things I enjoy like dance and Gaming it’s not depression I’m happy I’m just burnt out any advice on how to spark a fire just to get me through the year?

Exotic Perk: Golden Remnant
This weapon upon first draw fires one massive damage golden gun shot as long as golden gun is equipped costing the weapons full magazine, strong against barrier and unstoppable champions. After firing this single shot, reload speed is reduced by 65% (meaning it takes longer to reload) and the next magazine applies the Light Burnout de-buff on the wielder. Killing an enemy with Golden Remnant grants a medium amount of super energy, stronger enemies give more super and grenade energy, up to 35%, Guardians in the crucible count as 5% and guardians with their super active count as 7.5% as long as your super bar is under 75%. After casting your super, you may use this ability again by holding 'R' while the gun is at a full magazine. Dying does not allow the ability to be used again. If golden gun is not equipped than this this weapons exotic perk is basically useless.
Light Burnout: De-buff
The magazine after the high powered Golden Remnant shot is fired does 30% less damage to rank-and-file enemies, 25% less damage to powerful enemies, and 15% less damage to Bosses, Yellow bar enemies and Guardians. No damage drop-off for guardians with their super active. Switching weapons takes slightly longer as well, at a 5% time increase. this also creates a major decrease to impact and stability and other deficits to other stats. THIS EFFECT ONLY HAPPENS FOR ONE MAGAZINE.
Special Perk 2: Rekindling Spirit
If the Golden Remnant shot misses a target that shot is refunded at the same strength.
Special Perk 3: Lighting the Fire
This weapon does a medium amount of bonus damage to fallen, scorn, hive and taken with a solar de-buff on them. up to 45% bonus damage. This weapon provides a extremely large explosion if the final shot of a magazine without the Light burnout effect defeats a powerful enemy spreading scorch across a large area.
Catalyst:
Acquired through Master level or higher nightfall's.
Catalyst ability: Splitting Eruption
The initial single strong golden remnant shot turns into two half Golden remnant powered shots that spread scorch to targets in a short radius around where the shot was fired and gives the wielder radiant for a short duration after a final blow. Stunning a champion with this weapon creates an additional Golden remnant shot.
Weapon Description:
"It all comes down to how much the traveler likes you and how much you appreciate its gifts" - Zavala
Whoever wielded this weapon before the guardian was deeply invested in the intricacies of the Shard of the Traveler that was used during the Red War to fight back against the cabal. It seems as though word got out about his research and when the cabal caught wind, they came for him. Not much on this in the archives either, must have been a relatively unknown guardian, why wouldn't they contact us after we scurried to the farm? So many unanswered questions. Its unfortunate that he ended up losing his ghost and burning up with the almighty. The weapon schematics we recovered from his corpse intrigue me though, there's.. a piece of the shard on here! - Zavala
Range: 55
Impact: 100 on initial shot, 70 Normal, and 45 with Light Burnout
Stability: 40 normal, 25 with light burnout
Handling: 30
Reload Speed: 58 normal, 20 After Golden Remnant
Aim Assist: 95 with Golden Remnant 75 Normal, 60 with Light-Burnout
Recoil Direction: 80 Normal, 65 with Light-Burnout
Magazine Size: 1 with base Golden Remnant, 10 Normal Hand Cannon shots
Air Effectiveness: 28 Normal, 18 with Light Burnout
How to acquire weapon:
This weapon can be collected through a series of 6 quest steps involving,

1. Gather hand cannon and solar super data across the system (Zavala)

25 Guardian super kills
150 Hand cannon kills

1. Complete Nightfall's on "Master" Difficulty with an exotic hand cannon equipped. Grandmaster Nightfall's count as 2. Hero nightfall's count as 0.05 and Solo Legend Nightfall's counts as 0.5 Legend Nightfall's with a fireteam count as 0.1.

2 strikes completed

1. Complete the "Solar Pathway" Exotic Quest on Mars

Defeat "Kargen, the reimagined"
Quest Completed 1 Potential Reward: (Unique Exotic armor)
rewards, Golden Core (NOT A USABLE WEAPON, TAKES UP A KINETIC INVENTORY SLOT)

1. Visit the enclave on mars and present it your findings

Enclave Visited
Rewards: Worn out weapon history books and Next quest step

1. Complete the "Radiant Descendant" Exotic Dungeon on earth: Almighty Crash Site

Defeat "Visage of Rhulk" and "Visage of Nezarec"
Defeat "Sal'aurc, Almighty Champion of the witness"
Rewards: Cosmological Handle (Weapon schematic) REPLACES GOLDEN CORE

1. Meet Zavala at the Enclave on mars and begin the attunement process

Zavala Visited
Rewards: Prodigal Flare
"Radiant Descendant"
It looks like the witnesses troops have scooped up the burnt remnants of the almighty and turned it into their new war bunker, might be a good idea to remove this corruption before they decide to plan their assault on the last city.
On arrival, Defense systems activate.
1st encounter: ENTER THE MINDSCAPE (Defeat the Visage of Rhulk) Potential Reward: Sniper Rifle or Helmet
2nd Encounter: Destroy The Weapon. Reward: Class item or chest piece
3rd Encounter: ENTER THE MINDSCAPE (Defeat Visage of Nezarec) Potential Reward: Hand Cannon or Leg armor
4th Encounter: Unlock the door: SURVIVE 5 minutes. Potential Rewards: Linear Fusion Rifle or Auto Rifle
5th Encounter: Prove your worth, Summon and defeat Sal'aurc. Potential Rewards: Exotic Engram x2 or Grenade Launcher, Rocket Launcher or Scout Rifle

I’m thinking of getting a MacBook Pro m3 max 16core cpu & 40 core gpu, I work a lot with Resolve and tend to use a lot of nodes. Anyone have any suggestions? Do I need 128 for color grading or is 64gb enough?

Hey all! Back again for the first non-Cosmere book in this podcast.
We've just released episode 4 of the Grain of Sanderson podcast, where we foolishly attempt to read through all of Sanderson's published material in publication order (yes including everything non-cosmere). This month we read Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians, Brandon Sanderson’s first in a series of middle grade books. Come listen to us talk about trading card games, make fun of Harry Potter, and using fun childhood powers for acts of incredible violence.
The podcast is very spoiler heavy for Alcatraz vs the Evil Librarians, and includes minor spoilers for Mistborn 1 and 2.
Description of the Podcast: From the fantasy epics of the Cosmere to the defunct mobile game companion books, Graham, Jack, and Taylor attempt to read every published work by Brandon Sanderson, in publication order. We hope to gain a better understanding of who he is as an author, how his writing changes over time, and his broader effect on the fantasy genre. Starting with Elantris and finishing half a decade from now, please join us as we travel out of the wardrobe, and onto the wagon train.
Next month we’ll be reading the final book in Mistborn era 1, the Hero of Ages.
Spotify Link: https://open.spotify.com/episode/1CNMMepnwxyRj8lSQ50pKl?si=6b1257d18d9e4075
Youtube link: https://youtu.be/Lr5mzTkKqNM?si=70z74pT1lxmHTpDz
RSS Link: https://feeds.buzzsprout.com/2312274.rss
Share Page: https://agrainofsanderson.buzzsprout.com/share
Link to post 1, Elantris: https://www.reddit.com/brandonsanderson/comments/1aq0e2g/a_grain_of_sanderson_podcast_discussing_the_books/
Link to post 2, Mistborn: https://www.reddit.com/brandonsanderson/comments/1bd215e/a_grain_of_sanderson_episode_2_mistborn_the_final/
Link to post 3, Mistborn 2: https://www.reddit.com/brandonsanderson/comments/1c5gqku/a_grain_of_sanderson_episode_3_mistborn_the_well/
Hope you give it a listen!

So she has it out for me to say that I’m not reporting my taxes properly. In the three year divorce they collected thousands of documents for my business. They said at first he was very sloppy but over time his book keeping got better. They pointed out a few very small mistakes where mis categorized something. The judge agreed that my filings were proper. They took me back to court again to say it wasn’t done right. The judge said no they did it correctly.
Now she’s saying her lawyer friend wants to take me back to court every year just bc he’s bored. Are they allowed to ask for more discovery of my taxes and bank statements and book keeping every year? This is going to cost me more court and legal fees as well as time. And the judge already said my books look normal. I’m just really annoyed. All this money could go to our children. But she’d rather spend it trying to get more and more child support. Breaks my heart.

I think my favorite would probably be class-exclusive skills obtained as boss drops.
To those of you who don't know, originally various skills for each class would be completely missing when you hit 4th job and you'd need to get that specific skill book from a boss as a drop to be able to use it (or buy it from another player), in addition to Skill-specific mastery books also from bosses.
Back then, bossing was more of an end-game thing that very few players were high level / geared up enough to engage with, but now that it's more of a mainstream thing it'd be nice to have certain skills for your class locked behind boss drops as long as they're not too rare (more like eternals / gene, less like PB).
Stuff like Will and Seren skill are neat, but it'd be cooler if like 1-3 of the 6th job skill nodes (skills, not common/enhancement/mastery) were locked behind a boss drop Skill Book, or even also required duplicates to unlock up to lv 20 and 30.
It'd just be a lot more interesting than bosses only dropping gear or some skill that's just a tiny dps increase / mobbing tool.

hello. I'm shub and I recently got promoted into 11th grade. I have started studying, finished 1-2 chapters from physics, chemistry and maths respectively.. after solving the NCERT of chemistry I went to try to solve some questions of JEE Mains from a book called "physical chemistry by N. awasti", and I miserably failed..how do I fill up this lack of capability between NCERT and that book?

1. what should I do after the NCERT to start solving questions from Mains let alone advance...
   
2. I'm heavily confused on how to progress and which book to progress to after NCERT. Like for maths I solved RD Sharma then what kind of book I should do that I can move on to solving Mains/Advance questions. same with physics and chemistry
   
3. in short I want some general advice on how to progress from NCERT to other books and kese progress karu??
   

any sort of help will be highly appreciated.. thank you ( I'm deeply sorry if my phrasing isn't very good ) also I'm not in any coaching.

I will still have full access to Themis (including UWorld and Themis graders). I really liked BarMD's CPT approach though... I bought the BarMD Essay Book. Should I just spend $1000 and do the BarMD Core course for essays and CPT then use themis for MBE and grading of essays? Thanks!

Hi all,
Timestamps: https://ibb.co/album/wJ8ySp https://ibb.co/album/0j5bC2
Selling some HP tablets, one is 2in1 and other two handhelds. Battery not guaranteed, but all work fine without charger see pics.
Selling old MBA from 2015, C grade condition but still works.
Also have QHD monitor that I don't use anymore, zero screen issues. Local is 33009.

Item	Notes	Price (Shipped unless otherwise)
HP Elite X2 1011 G1 (Intel M-5Y71, 8GB RAM, 256GB SSD)	No issues. Comes with Charger, USB cable, and adapter for barrel plug>tablet power	$149
HP ElitePad 1000 (Intel Z3795, 4GB RAM, 64GB SSD)	No issues. Comes with Charger, USB cable, case, straps, kickstands	$119
HP ElitePad 1000 (Intel Z3795, 4GB RAM, 64GB SSD) no Case	No issues. Comes with Charger, USB cable	$99
LG UltraGear 27GL83A-B	No issues with screen, outer bezel with some cosmetic issues	$149 (Local only, as I dont have original box)
Apple MacBook Air A1466 13" 2015 i5/4GB/NO SSD	Dead pixel on screen audio issue with MacOS (seems to work in linux), and battery has service recommended.	$99

Id love to sell all the HP stuff as a bundle as they all share the same connectoaccessories. LMK any questions.
Thanks

As many of you may have read, there is a case of two missing adopted kids in North Carolina, where remains have been found. The news has reported that their adoptive “mother” is Avantae Deven.
I’m a curious person and started digging up information on Avantae Deven when I first read the story in my news feed and could not believe what I was reading. It seemed like whomever this woman is must have be using an alias; Avantae Deven is not a name like Kim Jones or Mackenzie Smith.
The more I dug, the weirder it seemed to get. I found a property deed to a place in Sedona, Arizona, and figured out that whomever this Avantae person is, she at one point in time had owned a home together with someone named Nicole Adams. So I dug into who Nicole Adams was, and learned that she was the widow of a spiritual leader named Robert Adams. It appeared to me that there would be no way to identify who Avantae really was, unless I could also identify the true identity of Robert Adams.
*******
I've done investigative work for many years, including skip tracing. I can conclusively state that there was absolutely no person actually named Robert Adams born in New York State on January 21, 1928. This is demonstrated by the New York Birth Index. I have combed the census records for 1930, 1940, and 1950, and cross-checked them against multiple databases, and am confident that nobody with the birth name of Robert Adams was born anywhere in the United States on January 21, 1928.
Moreover, there was absolutely no person with the true name of Robert Adams who died anywhere at all in the United States, let alone Sedona, Arizona, on March 2, 1997. This is demonstrated by the Social Security Death Index.
I began this research largely by performing exhaustive searches on the known addresses that are associated with Robert, his wife Leonie (who used to use the alias Nicole), and Avantae Deven (who turns out to be their daughter Michelle who began using the alias Avantae in the mid-1990’s or so). Most of the addresses are PO boxes. Those that are PO boxes are all *private* PO boxes, not PO boxes that one can rent from the United States Postal Service. To me, that spoke volumes. The family were clearly using aliases.
As I explain further below, I eventually determined that “Robert Adams” was Robert Spiegel, born 21 January 1932 in New York. “Nicole Adams” was actually Aileen Beverly Leonie Maxwell, born February 2, 1929, in Jamaica. “Avantae Deven” is actually their daughter, Michelle K. Spiegel, born on October 1, 1960, in California.
One of Robert’s many false stories about Robert’s life that my research has refuted is Robert’s claim that his mother was Jewish and his father was Catholic. That was a lie. Both of his parents were Jewish. It’s also interesting that he claimed that he was “raised Catholic.” There is absolutely nothing to suggest that. His mother always, in New York, lived in Jewish neighborhoods. Moreover, as will be discussed below, his parents had a Jewish wedding. It’s also downright absurd that he would tell people that he was “half Jewish.” If your mother’s Jewish, you are Jewish, pure and simple. Even if Robert’s father had truly been Catholic (which he wasn’t; his name was Samuel Spiegel and he immigrated to America in 1907, lived with his Jewish, Yiddish-speaking cousins, and spoke Yiddish himself), Robert would have been Jewish because the status of being a Jew comes from the mother. Robert’s mother’s name was Fannie (nee Fleisfeder) Spiegel. Fannie’s parents were Itzik Fleisfeder and Esther Libke (nee Rifkin) Fleisfeder. Esther’s parents were Mendel Rifkin and Sarah whose maiden name is lost to time and the disappearance of the shtetls. Robert’s claim to having had a Catholic father was utterly false, but is part and parcel of his ongoing compulsive daily lying about anything and everything.
Here is the story.
*******
Kolomyia, formerly known as Kolomea, is a city currently located in the Western Ukraine.
On January 21, 1892 (the same year that Kolomea tallis¹ workers went on strike for better pay and working conditions), Kolomea resident Rachel Katz, wife of Abraham Spiegel, gave birth to a son, who was given the name Schmuel.
On the date that Schmuel Spiegel entered the world, Kolomea was ruled by the Austro-Hungarian Monarchy, and almost half of the city’s residents were Jewish.
In June of 1907, fifteen-year-old Schmuel² boarded the Zeeland, which sailed from Antwerp, Belgium, arriving at New York Harbor on June 18, 1907. The ship’s manifest states that Schmuel’s father had paid for his transport, and that Schmuel intended to reside with his father, Abe, in Brooklyn. Schmuel was granted entrance, and took up residence with his cousin Charles Fetner, who resided at 353 Myrtle Avenue, Brooklyn, in Apartment A with his wife Jennie and their baby daughter Ettie. The sparse record that exists suggests that although Schmuel’s father was, indeed, named Abraham, Abraham lived and died in Europe, without immigrating to America.
The 1910 census describes Samuel’s cousin Charles as a carpenter, who had been married to housewife Jennie for six years, and a father of three children-- Ettie age four, Nathan age two, and baby Jacob, who was not even a year old. Eighteen-year-old Samuel was identified by profession as a “Foreman Sailmaker” in an industry described as “pocket-books.”
Three and a half years after being granted admission, on a bitterly cold winter day, January 4, 1911, Schmuel (now employed as a pocket-book maker, and having Anglicized his name to Samuel) signed and submitted his declaration to become a United States citizen. He stated, in that declaration, that he was born on January 21, 1892.
By 1915, Samuel had left his cousin’s abode and was residing as a lodger in the home of a widow named Rose Hammer, who lived with her two adolescent sons, Meyer and Louis, at 531 E. 5^th Avenue; Samuel was now working as a “driver.”
Two years after the 1915 state census was taken, Samuel had moved back to Myrtle Avenue, but this time at building no. 849. On June 15, 2017, Samuel registered for the draft, and described himself as being a pocketbook maker, working for “A. Shoenfeld,” at 101 Crosby Street, New York. He was single. He stated, in his draft registration, that he was born on January 21, 1892.
*******
A woman named Fruma Fleisfeder was born in Beltz, Bessarabia, sometime between July 1, 1893, and 1901, to Itzik Fleisfeder and Esther Lieba Rifkin. Fruma (not living up to her pious given name) provided different dates and years of birth to different authorities on different occasions, making it impossible at this point in time to know her true position in the birth order of her family. Regardless, Fruma, who began using the name Fanny upon her entrance to the United States, did have three brothers and a sister who also came to America-- Louis Fleisfeder who was born April 10, 1890, Max Irving Fleisfeder who used October 10, 1892 as his birthdate, Hersch (later known as Harry), whose official birthdate was December 15, 1901, and Sylvia who was born in approximately 1906.
On December 1, 1919, Fruma arrived in New York Harbor on the ship La Touraine, declaring her intention, at entry, to become a United States Citizen. The ship’s manifest describes her as five feet five inches tall, with fair hair, blue eyes, and a fair complexion. The ship’s manifest states that she was, at that time, age 24. If that were correct, she would have been born in 1895.
Fruma (then going by Fanny) took up residence with her cousin Ethel (nee Ruchlin) and Ethel’s husband Samuel Steinberg, on 15^th Street, Brooklyn. Soon thereafter, Ethel gave birth to her first child, a daughter named Theresa. The 1920 census states that Fanny was Russian, didn’t speak English but, rather, spoke Hebrew, and worked as a milliner in a millinery store. The 1920 census also states that Fanny was age 25, which lines up with her being age 24 in the prior year’s ship manifest.
*******
Sam and Fanny married in Manhattan on January 24, 1925. Their marriage certificate (signed by each of them) identifies Sam as being age 32 (contradicting, by one year, his immigration records which would have placed him at age 33), and identifies Fanny as age 24, the same age that she had claimed to be six years prior, and also contradicting an immigration petition that she would file two decades in the future, which generally placed her birth year at the mid-point of 1893.
If Fanny’s immigration records (which included a petition with her signature on it) were correct, Fanny would also have been age 32 as of her marriage to Samuel, not age 24.
So did Fanny lie in her marriage certificate? Or did she lie in her immigration petition?
The marriage certificate identifies Sam as having been born in Kolomea, Austria, and his father being Abraham, and his mother being Rachel Katz. It identifies Fanny as having been born in Beltz, Russia, to a father named Isaac, and to a mother named Esther Rifkin.
The marriage certificate does not identify Fanny as having any profession, but identifies Sam as being a pocketbook maker.
Sam and Fannie were married at 125 E. 4^th Street, Manhattan, a six-story apartment building with retail units on the ground floor that is now an expensive co-op, with three-bedroom units selling for over $900,000. Present-day real estate advertisements alternatively state that the building was built in 1894, 1903, and 1905.
The first name of the rabbi who officiated was Harry. His surname starts with Reid, but the remaining letters of his signature are illegible. Rabbi Harry identified his residence as 232 Broome Street, which, at the time, was a four-story mixed use building that, among other things, housed Chevrah Ahavath Zedek Anshei Jaskinover.
Witnesses to the marriage were Mayer Budmon and Samuel Steinberg.
*******
Sam and Fanny’s existence was documented next in the 1925 New York State census by census. They were living at 205 S. 2^nd Street. Samuel was still working as a “pocketbook maker.” Fanny was identified as a “housewife.”
Fanny was identified as age 25. This was in accordance with her age as stated on her marriage certificate, but not in accordance with her immigration documents or the 1920 census.
Sam was identified as being age 28, which conflicted with all prior records.
*******
In 1930, the couple were again enumerated, this time in the Federal census. The enumerator, whose signature appears to be “Max Krahn” (or something like that) stated that he obtained the information on April 16, 1930.
Sam was identified as a “framer” of pocketbooks. He was identified as being 36 years of age, which conflicts by two years with the age that he provided to immigration authorities. Perhaps the enumerator was simply sloppy; Samuel was also incorrectly identified in the 1930 census as having been born in “Poland,” with parents who were both also born in “Poland,” notwithstanding other governmental records having identified him as being Austrian. The language he spoke? “Jewish,” according to the enumerator. Was that to mean Hebrew? Yiddish? Both?
Fannie was identified as age 30 (directly in conflict with the information she supplied in her immigration petition, which bears her signature) and as being “Russian,” with parents born in “Russia.” The 1930 census enumerator incorrectly wrote that her year of immigration was 1921. Fannie, too, was identified by the enumerator as speaking the “Jewish” language.
Although later records reflected that Sam and Fannie had a son named Irving who was born in 1926, Irving was not recorded in the 1930 census. Was he missed by the enumerator? Or was he a later-adopted son?
The couple also had a boarder, identified by the 1930 enumerator as one Esther “Larson,” age 40, born in Russia, and similarly a speaker of the “Jewish” language.
*******
The New York Birth Index identifies a baby boy, Robert Spiegel, as one of many babies having been born in the city on January 21, 1932.
*******
On May 21, 1936, Samuel committed suicide by hanging in the family residence, a tenement apartment located at 1168 Union Avenue, in the Bronx. Although, based upon the date of birth that Samuel used for official governmental purposes he was age 44, the death certificate stated that he was age 43.
Fannie engaged the Gordon Funeral Home to prepare him for burial.
Strangely, although Samuel’s headstone accurately identified him in Hebrew as Schmuel Spiegel, son of Avraham, it inexplicably incorrectly stated that he died at age 40.
Fannie of course knew her husband’s real age; both of them signed the marriage certificate that had Samuel’s correct age listed. Furthermore, Samuel had petitioned for citizenship in 1911, and stated that his date of birth was January 18, 1892.
Why would Fannie commission a headstone with a false age? Perhaps she, like her son, was a compulsive liar. Maybe that’s where Robert got it from.
*******
The 1940 census has Fannie (identified as age 38), Robert (identified as age 8), and Fannie’s son/Robert’s brother, Irving Spiegel, age 13, as living with Fannie’s 72-year-old mother, Esther Fleisfeder, at 1537 Fulton Avenue, in the Bronx. Fannie and Esther were identified as widows. Esther was identified as “U” (unable to work), while Fannie was identified as engaged in housework. No source of income for the family was identified.
No explanation is obvious regarding where Irving was living in the census taken a decade previously. Was he adopted?
There is no “Irving Spiegel” listed in the New York Birth Index for either 1926 or 1927. There is an “Irving Spiegal” listed, who was born April 29, 1926. But he is not Irving Spiegel.
I initially thought that perhaps Irving might be one of the unnamed Baby Boy Spiegels born in New York in 1926 or 1927, and that he left the hospital unnamed because his parents were waiting for his bris before naming him. However, Robert left the hospital with the name Robert. Why wait until the bris to name one child, but not the other?
*******
Slightly less than two years after she was enumerated in the 1940 census, Fannie’s mother Esther died, at home, at 1537 Fulton Avenue. The causes of death were “Coronary Thrombosis, Pulmonary Oedema Nephritis, Hypertension, Arteriosclerosis.” Esther left this world on February 6, 1942, the same day that the W. L. Steed was torpedoed, shelled and sunk less than a hundred nautical miles east of the mouth of Delaware River by a German submarine.
She was buried at Mount Moriah Cemetery in Fairview, New Jersey, the same cemetery where her son-in-law Samuel was interred.
*******
On November 12, 1943, Fannie, now residing at 1985 Bathgate Avenue, in the Bronx, petitioned for citizenship. She claimed, in that document bearing her signature, to be fifty years of age, meaning that if she was telling the truth, she would have been born in approximately 1893.
*******
On January 19, 1948, Robert (having assumed a false date of birth, that being January 18, 1931), enlisted in the New York National Guard. On paper, he had turned age 17 the day before his enlistment. In reality, he would be turning age 16 two days after his enlistment.
On December 9, 1949, Robert was discharged from the national guard, apparently for having been AWOL.
The discharge document identifies his address as being 1985 Bathgate Avenue, New York City.
*******
The 1950 census places Robert again at 1985 Bathgate Avenue, New York City. It correctly identifies him as age 18, and states that he worked as a shipping clerk for a newspaper company.
According to the 1950 census, Robert resided at the Bathgate Avenue address with his mother Fannie, who was purportedly still age 50 (seven years after she had previously claimed to immigration authorities to be age 50), and Robert’s brother Irving, age 24.
Irving was listed as unemployed and moreover, according to the census record, had not worked for the prior year. Fannie was employed full-time as a milliner in a hat factory.
*******
Military records reflect that Irving J. Spiegel, born in 1926 and a resident of 1985 Bathgate Avenue, who had completed two years of high school education, had flown bomber planes over Germany during the war. In his military documents, Irving described himself as single, with two dependents.
*******
On February 2, 1929, a baby girl given the name Aileen Beverly Leone Maxwell was born in Lucea, Hanover, Jamaica, to William Maxwell and Daisy (nee Tibbits) Maxwell. Her birth was registered by her parents.
*******
In 1954, Robert Spiegel and Aileen Maxwell were married in New York City. Their marriage license was given License No. 10284.
*******
The following year, the Kingston, Jamaica, Gleaner reported on June 6, 1955:
Miss Leonie Maxwell, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. W. J. Maxwell, was married recently in New York City to Mr. Robert Spiegel of the U.S.A. Both the bride and groom are students at the New York Institute of Dietetics. The bride left the island nearly two years ago for New York. Her wedding gown was chantilly lace and nylon tulle. The bodice was fashioned with a wide, scalloped neckline and elbow-length sleeves. Her three tier skirt of chantilly lace was over pleated nylon tulle. Her fingertip-length veil was adorned with pearls.
*******
If the claim regarding the couple studying at the New York Institute of Dietetics was even true, their studies at this institution didn’t last long. In May of 1956, a number of advertisements bearing Robert’s photograph appeared in the Kingston, Jamaica Gleaner. The advertisements described Robert as a psychologist, author, lecturer, and “practitioner in auto suggestion,” and identified him as “Dr. J. Robert Spiegel.” Readers were invited to come meet Robert on May 21, 1956, at Record Plaza, where he would be autographing his “latest” “world-wide” 33 and 1/3 RPM record, “How to Stop Smoking in 7 days by Auto-Suggestion.”
*******
On May 1, 1959, three residents of 1985 Bathgate Avenue, Bronx, New York, came through customs, having returned from a trip to Jamaica. They identified themselves as “Robert D. Spiegel” born in New York (in addition to giving himself a false middle initial, Robert neglected to complete the I-94-A fully, specifically by leaving his birthdate blank), “Leonie A. Spiegel” born in Jamaica on February 2, 1929, and their minor daughter, and “Sharon S. Spiegel,” born in New York. Someone also neglected to fully complete Sharon’s I-94-A, specifically by leaving her birthdate blank.
*******
Leonie had taken Sharon to Jamaica two years earlier. There are no publicly available records pertaining to their outbound transport from the United States to Jamaica. There is, however, a record pertaining to their return to the United States. That publicly available record does not provide their address, but Sharon is identified as weighing 1 stone 5 pounds (a total of 19 pounds), and Leonie is identified as weighing six stone 5 pounds (89 pounds). Interestingly, Leonie used the name “Aileen Spiegel,” and the records assert that Aileen has no middle initial. Aileen was / is her true legal first name, but it is a lie to say that she has no middle initial.
*******
Almost two years later, on January 5, 1958, the Kingston, Jamaica Gleaner reported:
Staying at the Tamarind Hotel are Mr. and Mrs. Bob Spiegel and daughter Sharon of Miami, Florida. Mrs. Spiegel is the former Leonie Maxwell, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. W. J. Maxwell of Lucea and has been in the United States for several years. A welcome party in their honour was given last Saturday night by Messers. Horrace, Ray, and Dennis Maxwell, brothers of Mrs. Spiegel. It was a very enjoyable affair.
*******
In 1963, roughly five years after their 1958 visit to Jamaica, Leonie petitioned for naturalization, in Louisiana. Although I am in possession of the index showing that she petitioned in 1963, I do not possess the petition itself. However, the fact that she petitioned for naturalization in Louisiana demonstrates that that at least she was residing in Louisiana at the time. Since she stated that she didn’t leave Robert’s side for over 40 years, presumably Robert, young Sharon, and also baby Michelle were living in Louisiana at that time.
*******
People who knew Robert personally relate that he stated that Leonie was a Cayman Island heiress. She wasn’t. Not only was she not born in the Cayman Islands, Leonie’s father’s estate was litigated (with the judge ruling against her) long before Robert started telling people that his wife was a Cayman Islands heiress.
Leonie’s father did leave an estate, but not to her. On November 9, 1967, the Gleaner reported that the Supreme Court had upheld the will of the late William Josiah Maxwell, the father of Horrace, Ray, Dennis, and Leonie, and the husband of Daisy Maxwell, who had contended that William’s signature was a forgery and that the person to whom his estate had been bequeathed had exercised undue influence. The court disagreed. The article reported:
The estate, which one of the executors described as “a sizeable one,” included 112 acres of land at Paradise and three houses at Lucea, Hanover.
*******
Robert apparently wasn’t banking on Leonie’s inheritance in any event. In May of 1966, advertisements appeared in the Houston Chronicle with Robert’s photo on them, selling a record that would purportedly assist people in stopping smoking in seven days. He identified himself as “Dr. J. Robert Spiegel.”
*******
On page 55 of the November 15, 1969, San Antonio, Texas Express and News, was an advertisement stating:
SCIENCE OF THE MIND
Dr. J. Robert Spiegel of Houston, director and founder of the Science of the Mind Foundation there, is conducting Sunday evening meetings at 7:30 p.m. in the Sheraton Inn, 1400 Austin Hwy.
*******
On page 4 of the July 10, 1970 edition of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram was a photograph of Robert, with a brief local news blurb:
GUEST – Dr. J Robert Spiegel of Houston, Science of Mind Foundation director, will speak at the 10:45 a.m. service tomorrow in First Church of Religious Science, 2001 6^th Ave. His subject is “What Religious Science Teaches.”
*******
On page 8 of the June 18, 1970 edition of the Houston Daily Cougar was this advertisement:
HOME OF UNIVERSAL LIFE
“Teaching Aquarian Meditation For The New Age
Meets Every Sunday, 11:00 A.M. At The World Trade Center Auditorium
Houston, Texas
DR. J. ROBERT SPIEGEL (BRAHMADANDA) DIRECTOR - FOUNDER
Aquarian Meditation Initiation for the first time offered through correspondence. For those sincere students wishing to bypass evolution and enter the 5th Kingdom. Initiation includes meditation technique, Mantra, how to "live” 24 hours a day, and much more. Write for application today:
P.O. Box 53328 Houston, Texas 052
*******
From the Galveston Daily News, May 02, 1971, Pg. 31:
AQUARIAN MEDITATION SOCIETY PRESENTS DR. J. ROBERT SPIEGEL AN AUTHOR, LECTURER, TEACHER OF YOGA & SELF DEVELOPMENT WILL SPEAK ON MAN, MIND & THE UNIVERSE WEDNESDAY, MAY 5th AT 7:30 P.M. IN THE RECREATION CENTER HARRIS COUNTY PARK, NASA RD. # 1 ALL WELCOME — DONATION $1.50
*******
The 1972 Spiritual Community Guide lists Robert twice, in the San Diego area. First, on page 117, using his alias “J. Robert Spiegel”:
THE TEMPLE OF METAPHYSICAL ABUNDANCE. J. Robert Spiegel, 1118 Torrey Pines Rd., 92037. Teaches yoga, nutrition, ESP, metaphysics, psychology, mind control
Second, on page 124, in which he, as one might have predicted, was masquerading as some sort of medical man or scholar:
"AQUARIAN MEDITATION SOCIETY, U. S. Grant Hotel, Attn: Dr. Robert Spiegel, 453-7588"
*******
Also in 1972, Volume 25 of San Diego Magazine published in November advertised gift certificates for the “Astrology Research Center.” “Give your loved one the gift of love. Only $50” said the advertisement. Where was this entity located? At 1118 Torrey Pines Road, the same address as Robert’s Temple of Metaphysical Abundance. The advertisement purported that person identified as “Lil Canaan” was the director. The telephone number was 459-6400.
In 2013, the San Diego Union Tribune published the obituary for Lillian Mulonas, who founded the La Jolla “Astrology Research Center.” At this point in time, unless Robert Adams’ only surviving daughter, Michelle/ Prentiss/ Avantae knows the answer and talks, we will not know what relationship, if any, existed between Robert’s Temple of Metaphysical Abundance and Lilian’s Astrology Research Center, both of which were located at 1118 Torrey Pines Road in 1972.
*******
From the July 12, 1973, San Diego Reader:
BRAHMADANDA FOUNDATION
“Teachings of the Cosmic Way” meets Sundays, 11:00 a.m., U.S. Grant Hotel, Crystal Room. Free admission, refreshments served. Call 453-7588 for more information.
*******
On page 51 of the June 29, 1974 edition of Phoenix’s Arizona Republic was the following advertisement:
Speaker from San Diego
Dr. J. Robert Spiegel from San Diego, a traveler and lecturer, will speak at 8 p.m., Friday in Universal Series Center, 4340 N. Seventh Ave., on the topic “Science of Being.”
He is the founder of the “Aquarian Meditation Society” in Jamaica and is founder and publisher of “Equinox,” a philosophical newspaper.
*******
The family (Adams or Spiegel, however one might want to refer to them) have resided in (that I know of) New York, Miami, Jamaica, Louisiana, La Jolla, Los Angeles, Houston, New Mexico, Hawaii, Las Vegas, Scottsdale, Sedona, and a number of cities in North Carolina.
*******
In at least the 1990’s, before he left for Sedona, Robert Adams used the address PO Box 7210, Jordan Avenue, D-30, Canoga Park, CA. He used that address on correspondence he wrote, and on at least one published document. Who else used that address? The data aggregators show that this address was also used by a Michelle K. Spiegel, and a person going by the name Leonie Maxwell. Michelle and Leonie also used other addresses associated with Robert, those being 1815 Willis Avenue Panorama City, and 21551 Burbank Boulevard, Woodland Hills.
*******
The California Birth Index shows that Michelle K. Spiegel was born on October 1, 1960, in Los Angeles County, to a mother with the maiden name Maxwell.
*******
In later life, Michelle used the addresses above that are associated with Robert and Leonie, as well as an address of 12004 Vanowen Street #14, North Hollywood. This is the same address at which Denniston Keith Maxwell, one of Leonie’s younger brothers, resided at, after his immigration to the United States. Denniston was one of Michelle’s uncles.
In a recent Facebook posting, Michelle/Avantae stated: “Never knew anything personal about said uncles, etc. Never asked, never cared.” Really? She shared an address with an uncle? Her uncle lived within a few minutes’ drive from her parents, and Michelle/Avantae never knew anything about him?
As an aside, Michelle/Avantae alleged (or admitted) that she “never cared” about anything personal regarding her uncles. If that is true, what does that tell us about Michelle/Avantae’s fundamental character? Antisocial? Psychopathic? Narcissistic in the extreme?
*******
On August 2, 1996, Michelle, going by the name Avantae E. Deven, married Tyson Ruben Alvarez in Las Vegas. The two had addresses in common in Arizona, Nevada, and Montana.
*******
Robert “Adams” died on or about March 2, 1997, in Sedona, Arizona.
Shortly after that, in the spring of 1997, “Nicole Adams” and “Avantae Deven” (both aliases; the correct legal names are Aileen Beverly Leonie Spiegel and Michelle K. Spiegel) purchased a home together in Sedona, on Navahopi Road. Shortly after the purchase, “Nicole” quit-claimed her portion to “Avantae.”
On July 17, 2001, Tyson, still married to “Avantae,” quit-claimed any interest in the Navahopi property to “Avantae,” and had the county recorder send the deed to “Avantae” in care of the Infinity Institute, at that time located at 9101 W. Sahara Ave. Suite 105 C29 (in other words, a private post box), in Las Vegas.
Avantae divorced Tyson in 2006. She had, by then, moved to North Carolina. She “served” Tyson via publication summons, claiming that she was unable to find him, despite his information being on multiple data aggregators.
You can go to various Facebook groups, and other sources, to pull up the documents that people have uncovered showing who is associated with the "Infinity Institute," and in what fashion, and also the addresses that they have used over the years.
In any event, this is the information regarding Robert that I think that people need to be aware of.
Why turn to a known liar and con man for spiritual guidance?
1A tallis is a prayer shawl.
2The ship’s manifest states that he was age 14, which conflicts by one year with what Samuel identified as his date of birth. These errors are not uncommon; his fare could have been purchased when he was age 14 and the records not updated.

I have one embryo 5cb sent for testing from my recent retrieval. I am thinking of doing another retrieval while we wait for the test results since this doesn't seem like great grading. I'm paying out of pocket and this will be my 4th retrieval but I am also tired of waiting for PGT-A test results and then having to start all over again when they come back aneuploid or end in a chemical.
What would you do???

It now says "NR" under the grade in AccessUH, which I assume means "Not Reported". Would hate for this to be the reason I get placed on academic probation...

DISCLAIMER:
I'm not educated in Arabic and I am not knowledgable in Hadith and Quranic terminology espescially Hadith sciences, and thus may provide inaccurate information that will NOT affect the overall meaning of the message, hopefully lol.
For the sake of brevity, I'll gloss over a lot of these terms and may misrepresent them. Please forgive me if I speak in error.
This post is basically a mangled summary of this wonderful paper, Before Orthodoxy: The Satanic Verses in Early Islam by Dr Shahab Ahmed. My post will NOT do this extremely detailed paper any justice. If you'd like to read it yourself in full, please DM me as I have the link to the book.

What is the Satanic Verses incident?

There's so many reports around it but the gist is that Muhammad pbuh reveals a a set of verses to tribes people that allows the worship of the polytheistic gods of Mecca in the agreement that these tribes people will eventually join Islam and forgo these Gods.
P:290 "The Prophet is remembered as consciously considering a temporary compromise with polytheism. He contemplates allowing Thaqīf to continue worshipping al-Lāt and al-‘Uzzā for a year as part of the terms of a negotiated agreement through which they will ultimately accept Islam. Thaqīf suggest to him that he make Divine Revelation the instrument by which to justify his concession."
Moreover, the early Muslims also believed that verses like Surah Al-Hajj 52-53 were in response to this incident where Allah rebukes Muhammad but also comforts him as if it was a natural part of the prophethood:
22:52
وَمَآ أَرْسَلْنَا مِن قَبْلِكَ مِن رَّسُولٍۢ وَلَا نَبِىٍّ إِلَّآ إِذَا تَمَنَّىٰٓ أَلْقَى ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنُ فِىٓ أُمْنِيَّتِهِۦ فَيَنسَخُ ٱللَّهُ مَا يُلْقِى ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنُ ثُمَّ يُحْكِمُ ٱللَّهُ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌۭ ٥٢
Whenever We sent a messenger or a prophet before you and he recited, Satan would influence his recitation. But Allah would eliminate Satan’s influence. Then Allah would establish His revelations. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise.
Obviously, the early Muslims didn't believe these verses eventually made it into the Quran since Allah has rebuked it.

Did the early Muslims believe it?

The paper basically goes in extremely thorough detail on why early Muslims believed it and it was infact a major part of their understanding of the Prophet. I frankly couldn't understand his methodology cos I'm TERRIBLE at hadith, tafsir transmission and what not (very new to this) so I suggest you look through the paper where Dr Shahab proves beyond reasonable doubt that the early Muslims did indeed believe in this incident.

Why did early Muslims believe it, and why did Muslims after them reject the incident?

Okay so this is the really really interesting part in my opinion. Dr Shahab basically states that the concept of infalliblity proscribed to Muhammad was actually a concept that developed with the development of Hadiths. For early Muslims, Muhammad was actually seen as a fallible figure and that the satanic verses incident was entirely consonant with their world view. Similar to the stories of Yusuf where he resited the temptation of Zulaykhah or when Adam disobeyed his Lord and approached the tree. Dr Shahab writes about this here:
“The sīrah- maghāzī project thus had no need of an infallible Prophetic model for pious mimesis: there is little drama to be had from a hero who never makes mistakes. Drama arises when there is the possibility of things going wrong, of defeat, of failure, when events must be out- witted and setbacks overcome. This is precisely what happens in the Satanic verses incident.”

So why did Muslims later on reject these Satanic Verses?

Firstly, the hadith sciences that they had developed basically evaluated almost all of these hadiths as weaks. More importantly, and this is the REALLY INTERESTING part, the image of a fallible prophet who could succumb to the pressure of Satan and basically peer pressure didn't fit with their idea of the prophet espescially at a time when they were deriving laws from the actions of Muhammad pbuh. Dr Shahab excellently summarizes this view here: “In rejecting the Satanic verses incident, the Ḥadīth project—emerging with increasing force and definition from the mid-second century onward was disapprovingly at odds with the early understanding of Muḥammad’s Prophethood. The logic of the Ḥadīth project required an infallible Prophet whose words and deeds would lay down legal, praxial, and creedal norms for pious mimesis, as a definitive method by which to establish the veracity and authority of those prescribed norms. It is that logic, and that notion of Prophethood, that would later establish itself as Islamic orthodoxy.”

So did the Satanic Verses incident actually happen???

As to the actual historicity of this event, Dr Shahab Ahmed says that orientalist scholars in the past have generally taken this Satanic verses incident to be true BECAUSE early muslims accepted it despite it running contrary to their idea of an infallible Muhammad pbuh, HOWEVER in sight of how early Muslims actually viewed Muhammad pbuh as a person struggling with prophethood this argument does not have strong merit as there is presumably no reason why early Muslims could not have made it up.

Lessons to be drawn from this research (imo):

1. Muhammad was not infallible. He was a remarkable person who was a great moral character but NO he did make mistakes. This infallibility prescribed to him was a later invention!
2. Hadiths, Tafsir, Sirah or ANY Islamic materials outside of the Quran all reflect the biases and perceptions of Muslims of their time. Only treat Quran - the word of Allah as infallible!

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Case 28 Wumenguan

Long Have We Heard of Longtan

Once when Deshan was getting instruction from Longtan, he stayed on into the night. Longtan said, "It's late-why don't you go?" Deshan said goodbye and lifted up the curtain [to go]. He saw it was dark out, so he turned back [to Longtan] and said, "It's dark outside."
Longtan then lit a candle and handed it to Deshan. As Deshan was about to take it, Longtan blew the candle out. At this Deshan suddenly had an insight. Then he bowed to Longtan. Longtan said, "What truth have you seen?"
Deshan said, "From this day forward I shall no longer doubt the tongues of all the world's en- lightened teachers."

What are you trying to do, Mr. Mazu?

Huai-jang visited Mazu in his cell, asking, “In practicing sitting-in-meditation, what does Your Reverence aspire to attain?” “To attain Buddhahood!” was the answer. Huai-jang then took up a piece of brick and began to grind it against a rock in front of Ma-tsu’s cell. After some moments Ma-tsu became curious and asked, “What are you grinding it for?” “I want to grind it into a mirror,” Huai-jang replied.
Greatly amused, Ma-tsu said, “How can you hope to grind a piece of brick into a mirror?” Huai-jang fired back, “Since a piece of brick cannot be ground into a mirror, how then can you sit yourself into a Buddha?” “What must I do then?” Matsu inquired. Huai-jang replied, “Take the case of an ox-cart. If the cart does not move, do you whip the cart, or do you whip the ox?” Ma-tsu remained silent.
“In learning sitting-in-meditation,” Hui-jang resumed, “do you aspire to learn the sitting Ch’an, or do you aspire to imitate the sitting Buddha? If the former, Ch’an does not consist in sitting or in lying down. If the latter, the Buddha has no fixed postures. The Dharma goes on forever, and never abides in anything. You must not therefore be attached to nor abandon, any particular phase of it. To sit yourself into Buddha is to kill the Buddha. To be attached to the sitting posture is to fail to comprehend the essential principle.”

What do you get from "practice"?

Just some general questions, can you answer honestly?

1. What do you intend to get from Zen study/practice?
2. Who do you know who has gotten whatever it is themselves?
3. What text describes a similar accomplishment?
4. What authority tests and certifies that attainment?

.

Welcome! ewk comment: Deshan became trusting of the people he didn't trust. Mazu lost his belief in meditation. These are concrete results.
Often, people come in here and they struggle with "reading books" or "high school book reports", they struggle with being confronted, struggle with the lay precepts, struggle with embodying what they believe to be kind, tolerant behavior.
How can they claim to have a practice that produces those things if they can't even do those things online?
There are about 100 people who come to this forum regularly every week IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
What do they come here for?