Money talks no more episodes

You don't have to read. Thanks if you do though.
For starters, I'm not looking for any reassurance or guidance from anyone. It's all noise in my head that gets filtered out at this point. Nothing anyone ever says actually turns out to be true when I partly try to share my problems. I truly do believe I'm useless. I've had no real purpose ever since I was born, and I don't have any purpose now. Sometimes people say to "be patient", but I can't stand that. Thousands upon millions my age have achieved and done so much, and I'm not just saying that because I'm comparing myself to them. I know there isn't any point in that. I compare myself to my myself yesterday - that much I've learned - but there hasn't been any significant change in me no matter how I think or what I do. I can't escape the hole I've dug for myself. I have a single true online friend, whom I consider better family than my blood family. We chat regularly, we're both artists, and we're even writing a comic together as a passion project. We've shared a lot of private stuff between us, and I genuinely love that I get to know this person. Before I can let them down, too, that is. Other than them, I had a good circle of real life friends. Before they all turned to drugs, alcohol, or just became narcissistic assholes and I've had to cut myself from them. I've tried pulling every single one out of those paths and hold as tight as possible, because I know what it's like to be given up on, and I have failed each and every single time, only giving up when my mental state was so bad that I zoned out of reality, and the days became blurs. They still are, occasionally.
I feel the worst when I'm talking to my mother. She smiles and laughs occasionally when I'm around, but that's just because I'm at home all the time and she gets to ramble about our parrots. But I know that's not what she truly feels. It's like she's just hearing a good joke from a person she dislikes. I wouldn't say I'm hated, but I believe that she'd prefer having someone else in the room when I'm around. I never share anything with her - it turns into a lecture if I do, or I get bombarded with questions which I never have the answer to. I feel immeasurable shame and guilt just standing around her, not to mention around my step-father, where it's x2 worse. It feels like I'm constantly being judged by him, and I probably am. I'm 18 - turning 19 in 6 months - and I've sat in front of a PC my entire life. I always get teased about a girlfriend or irl friends, but that's just because I never share anything with them, as said earlier. Well, I don't have a girlfriend, though I had a male friend with benefits for a while. That is, until before he tried getting me to take pictures of myself or begging and talking me into the act even if I didn't want to. I broke it off eventually, even when he threatened to tell everyone about we were doing. (I called his bluff. We live in a country where if it's known that you swing the same way, you're likely to get beaten)
I keep telling myself I'll be better, but it never comes, no matter how many attempts I make on bettering myself. Sure, I exercise - a little less nowadays since I cant afford my gym membership anymore, now that I'm finished with high school and no longer get daily allowance from my parents, - I try to keep up basic hygiene, and I've become a little more social over the years. It's an improvement from the way I was in the past, but it all feels like it doesn't matter. The progress doesn't matter. In my eyes and the eyes of everyone around me, I wholeheartedly believe that they just see me as useless, or are about to. It just takes one bad day or mishap for them to do so. My older brother (by 5 years) has made many, countless attempts to be involved in my life. And after I pushed him away so many times, I got exactly what I wanted. Now he doesn't talk to me. He moved with his girlfriend - a lovely person as well - out of our apartment without so much as a 'bye', or even a text. I see him occasionally, and it's awkward each and every single time. We say our pleasantries, and then both stay quiet until someone else comes in the room to break the ice. It feels like I don't have the right to laugh with him.
I'm extremely aware of how self-destructive and bad this belief of mine is, but its impossible to ignore or change. And I really, really do want it to change. But I'm replaceable. Anyone can fulfil my role. I don't make money, and I don't make someone's day necessarily better by being around other than a single online person - which is sure to change. Sure, people might notice if I'm gone, but the feeling they have will go away after two days. I'm a mild inconvenience at best, and useless at worst. Both feel worse than being hated or despised. It's easy to ignore those people. But when I constantly disappoint everyone around me, and constantly disappoint myself, I can't set the thought aside. I'm a useless person. And by writing this, I probably pissed off 30% of people reading because I seem edgy. And the funny thing? I'd love to just say "No! - Wtf is wrong with you and why would you even say that?".
But I don't even know if I'm faking this for attention. I truly don't. Id say I haven’t gone through any serious trauma at all. I know people who've gone through much, much worse, and they still kick ass. In comparison, nothing is even explicitly wrong with my life. And its probably why whenever I've tried sharing my problems, I'm met with confusion. I sometimes wish that I DID go through something bad.
Maybe then people will have an easier time understanding why I always disappoint them. But, again, that just sounds like an excuse for attention.

This one right here... https://www.reddit.com/martialarts/comments/1cm05tl/what_do_you_think_of_the_statement_bad_people_are/
It was fun so here's the long follow up. That bad advice that random older dudes kept giving me was the least worrying thing in those three hours of analyzing that church's security measures. I hit up a friend of mine that has a whole lot more security-specific training than I do just to see if I was overthinking things. Bro has taught me a lot, and I still try to make the trip once or twice a year to train with him. Between emails and a phone call I think I did a pretty good job of compiling our conversation. Most of the convo is also here but I'm not a shameless self-promoter on Tuesdays.
This isn't so much about martial arts or fighting or self-defense, but it probably is helpful and good discussion because a lot of you would hopefully give a crap about these same issues.
DC (Me): When I arrived I drove around the building and no one was posted at any of the 3 front entrances, at least not outside and visible. There was always someone at either of the 2 back entrances and the 1 north end entrance.
TF (The Friend): If someone is truly invested in safety they would have all doors covered, including the main entrance(s). Now maybe their thinking is the main entrance is where people come and go and it might be “uncomfortable” for visitors however we are talking about KEEPING PEOPLE ALIVE. To me that is worth the slight discomfort. And one way they could accomplish it without having to make it an uncomfortable experience is put “greeters” at the main entrance dressed in their Sunday best but they are actually part of the security response team. Those greeters need training in profiling, body language, situational awareness and of course the surface level expected things (firearm, hand to hand, situation specific training such as an active threat). Also does this place have security cameras? Security cameras need to monitor the entire property. And keep in mind people stake out places, plant things at places, etc during off hours. Cameras are a must. Want to make some money? Offer to install a system for them. I’ll help you.
DC: There was no mention to me of where first aid kits and AEDs are located in the building. I know where one AED is on the lower floor but it’s a 4-story building. Considering that I was outside the most heavily-traveled door, it would seem prudent for me to know where those are if I see someone get hit by a car or grab their chest and fall down.
TF: An emergency doesn’t always mean a violent situation. It could be someone suffering a heart attack, a child getting run over by a car driven by an 80 yr blind church goer or just a simple amputation of a finger because they are making sandwiches in the church kitchen. Every single floor needs to have multiple AEDs and COMPLETE first aid kits (that’s a whole class in itself – how to stock a first aid kit). I say multiples because you want quick easy access to one of those item no matter where you are at in the building. I don’t know how big the place is but even starting just by putting a complete first aid kit and AED at the N and S ends of the building is a good start along with training the congregation on CPR. You don’t need the piece of paper from a class, just get someone who knows how to come teach.
DC: Along the same line, no emergency action plans were provided. What to do if part of the building has to be evacuated for a fire or smoke? In case of severe weather or tornado threats what parts of the building should be evacuated and what are the safest areas to move people to until the danger passes? They might have these plans somewhere, but what’s the point if you don’t share them with the ones who would have to execute them.
TF: This is a mistake. There has to be an evacuation plan to remove as many people as possible from the building should something occur (fire, active threat, etc). If there are tornado shelters obviously that’s the safe spot for that specific situation. Many times the evacuation plan put in place can be used for multiple threats (active threat, fire, chemical spill, etc) because it’s about removing the people AWAY from the danger. And YES you are 1000% right those plans/routes need to be shared with EVERYONE in the congregation. When people do not know what to do or where to go there will be chaos, always. The people in charge might THINK they are going to be the go to person to provide guidance and manage the crowd but I will tell you when shit hits the fan no one is listening to them. People will be stepping on their own just to get out. With that being said, any evacuation plans that are created need to be drilled by the entire congregation. It could be done 10m before church for the next 6 Sundays to make sure EVERYONE knows the plan.
DC: It gets worse. There actually is no active shooter plan in place. Apparently some Lt. with the local police department will be doing an active shooter training in the future. I'll be in attendance with the lowest hopes in the room.
TF: This should be interesting and disappointing. My first question to him would be “What are your qualifications/experience to teach this? Have you experienced it first hand?”. Or is everyone looking at him because of his “label” which really means nothing other than that is his occupation that allows him to pay his electric bill. I have yet to see (other than myself) anyone put on a close to reality active shooter training session. Most people (law enforcement included) do powerpoint presentations. Unfortunately many “experts” teaching how to survive an active shooter situation think 4 hour Powerpoint presentations, statistics and cute acronyms are properly training people to survive one of the worst experiences a person could face. Powerpoint presentations do not save lives… ACTION saves lives! You know that though.
DC: Same with an active stabber, no plans there. Or at least no one could show me a plan.
TF: Same as the active shooter.
DC: Here's one you'll love. In the event of a person being violent, the directions I was given were to stay away, make a call over the radio, and let someone else come deal with it. They're also bringing in another security consultant (a former Navy SEAL, just like those three guys who all claim they killed bin Laden) to do de-escalation training at some point. I'm skipping that shit.
TF: I’ve always said if you can remove yourself from a situation that is the best way to increase your odds of staying alive. HOWEVER – there are some situations where immediate action is needed NOW! Especially if you are responsible for the safety of others the goal is to not only eliminate the threat but also minimize damage (limit the casualties). The other night we worked full blown knife attacks. I asked someone to demo with me. I slaughtered him with 20+ stabs/slashes in about 5 seconds and that was before he hit the ground and I mounted and continued. My point – the longer an event goes on the more damage innocents will experience. If you have time to go make a phone call then you have time to take effective action that works towards eliminating the threat and minimizing damage. Their suggestion to call someone else is so typical of people who have no concept of how violence really works (let someone else handle your problem…lol). No one cares for your life more than you do. It’s your responsibility. And regardless of what someone’s propaganda says about their label it still takes time to make a phone call, it takes time for someone to arrive and even when they arrive there is no guarantee they will even engage the threat. The overall goal for ALL VIOLENT ENCOUNTERS is to make the even AS SHORT AS POSSIBLE. The longer a violent event continues the odds of you leaving lessen and the odds increased causalities goes through the roof.
Poster's note: When he and I say we're going to train someone in knife attacks rather than knife defenses. The partner (the attacker) is going to be training on how to freaking stab you just as hard as you're training to resist being stabbed.. Rubber knife, protective gear and 100% stabbing vs 100% resistance, for advanced students, is a fun time. If you're wearing the pads you're going to get your ass kicked. He wasn't actually training his class how to go on stabbing sprees.
DC: This was one that’s not even related to fight skills or ability to engage a threat. There was not even a quick introductory rant on recognizing suspicious people or behavior. The more I talked to other volunteers the more I realized none of them had a clue.
TF: This is touched on in my answer to your first question. People who are determined to execute violent activity do not walk around with signs or flashing lights. It’s not always obvious like in the movies. They blend in and lay low until the moment to take action. These church people have no clue what they are doing. It’s all what I call “surface level thinking” meaning the basic stuff your average person who is inexperienced in the subject thinks of – “Get a police officer officer in our group to teach us something.” Teach you what? How to hand out traffic citations? “We have retired military this or that and retired law enforcement and a former rodeo clown who are packing heat during church.” Ok have they ever dealt with using their weapon when there is mass chaos and people screaming/running everywhere? Bullets only travel in a straight line and do not go around innocents if they are in the way. But just because someone has a firearm doesn’t mean they have the mindset to use it.
DC: You’ll love this one. 5 minutes before the church service let out we were told to call it quits for the day, before everyone in the building started filing out to the parking lot at one time.
TF: Do you mean the response team was training, etc and the church had you guys leave 5 minutes before the congregation got out? That ties exactly into my comment in question #1 about appearance/comfort level. Why hide it? Is there anyone in the church (or the world for that matter) that would disagree the world is getting more violent? Everyone knows it is… they’ve either experienced it or seen/heard news stories so why not put it out there that the church takes the safety and well being of their members SERIOUSLY? I have a saying I came up with once when I was talking to a place about active shooter training and they said it couldn’t be hands ons and they were hoping more for like a speaking engagement because their policy doesn’t allow physical contact. My response – “Until you put people before your policies, your people will continue to die.” And that’s just plain truth. Everyone is so worried about policy/comfort level they are putting that before the actual goal of saving people’s lives. If you are getting ready for a championship basketball game what should you do in practice? Play some damn basketball. Well if you are wanting to learn how to save your life/others in a violent situation what should you practice? VIOLENCE. Why would you do ANYTHING ELSE in practice than what you are preparing for? It’s not logical. I think the congregation would approve and love the idea that “their church cares”.
DC: On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate the building’s security measures? Is it fucked, or am I crazy and overthinking it because I am oddly OCD about details sometimes?
TF: I would give them a grade of 2 (at best) out of 10. You are 1000% on point on everything. You have training. You understand violent situations but you’ve been trained by someone and a group that has experienced it and knows how violence REALLY unfolds. The people who are in charge with this “security” policy at your church have ZERO experience and ZERO training. Imagine this - would you want a surgeon who has no education in operation and no experience to attempt to perform a life saving surgery on you? A question I would ask them is - "How SERIOUS are you about saving lives?"

Hiya,
I'm a geeky neurodivergent type of human, and I'm looking to find someone who I can laugh, flirt and generally share experiences and conversations with. I live in Chicago, but don't mind connecting online; I've had some very meaningful friendships and relationships virtually, and I value them a lot.
I tend to get along best with people who can talk about pretty much anything, can appreciate trashy movies/tv and who have a good deal of passion for something. Also, people who are at least a little weird.I've been polyamorous for 12 years and have been in a few different configurations of relationships...from having entirely separate relationships to being involved in multiple triads.I'm looking for something meaningful, though that can take a lot of different shapes.
That being said, I tend to like connections where I can just feel comfortable being myself, we share some interests and can talk with equal ease about deep and meaningful stuff, and really stupid silly kinds of things. I also like dynamics where we inspire each other to learn and grow, and can be equal parts sexy and ridiculous.
I'm a bit of an awkward homebody who goes out for movies and theater on occasion. I consume a ton of different kinds of media....I especially love bad horror movies but I'll watch anything from cooking shows to Marvel and everything in between. I also spend a lot of my time playing video games (or board games when there's people to play with).
When I do go out, I like trying out food, drinks and spending time + sharing experiences with the people I'm close to. Oh, and I can't say no to a good espresso martini.
Work-wise, I have a relatively laid back marketing writing job at a software company. I used to lead a marketing team, but went through really severe burn out along with a pretty bad mental health episode, so I generally shifted my priorities away from work stuff and more into building friendships and connecting more with the people in my life.
Anyway, I'd love to have someone to connect with! If you're interested, send me a message and tell me a few things about you.

So recently I found out that my first cousin went to my grandparents and asked for some of their land (5 acres to be exact) for the 15 used as farm land to pay the property taxes. They have much more timbepasture land. So not only did they get over $50,000+ of free land they essentially screwed it up for the children to keep the property because now the land that paid the property taxes is only 10 acres and won’t cover the year of taxes and we know 3 of the 5 kids would never pay out of pocket to keep the place. There are 11 grandchildren and one took it upon himself to get FREE land without concern for the other 10 grandchildren or 5 children. Deal was mommy would pay out of her inheritance but mommy is now saying that was never said and now she gets less and she is poor and needs the money from my grandparents dying to find her retirement. She has always been “broke” for 35 years I have known her she has been just too broke to pitch in on parents gifts, get her children gifts, her grandchildren gifts etc. it’s so annoying that an adult that is 60 does nothing to better their life and is betting on what they get when their parents died to fund their retirement. So the other sister she works with loves and lives for drama along with her entire family has decided to try to bad mouth me to the whole family for saying it isn’t right for 1 of the 11 grandkids to get over $50,000 free! Plus could sell it for way more if they choose not to build. Other sister is on a smear campaign, because she loves to be in the middle of every thing. She got her whole family (Pussy husband that goes along with everything she says, daughter that got with her husband while he had a live in girlfriend betting on no longer having to work once birthing their children, son in law that has anything because mommy and daddy paid for it, and spoiled grandson that gets in trouble but doesn’t no wrong) aunt treats her other daughter like scum of the Earth and who’s son stays away if he can help it because of psycho mom and oldest 36 year old golden sister who’s mom and dad pay her cell phone bill. All that was said by me was that it wasn’t fair to the other grandkids, has somehow turned into me thinking that I would get the property once grandparents were dead, which is hilarious because I go over every day to help them not out of ever thinking I would get anything but because I love my grandparents and will help them in any way they need help unlike 98% of the others that we basically BEG to help out 86&85 year old grandparents. I have gone to my grandparents almost everyday for over 8 years to help and land was only just acquired less than 2 years ago by my selfish cousin and his wife that thinks she deserves the world but hates everyone. I “swore” at my grandpa and called him a “son of a bitch” like who under 60 says son of a bitch LMAO!? I “want the land to myself” (never thought I was getting anything) and whatever they can think of to try to talk bad about me and discredit me for their own sick wants. Called psycho aunt out, the psycho aunt that wanted my grandma home without physical therapy after she broke her hip at 81, brought her home after being septic then talked shit on the grandchild and her husband for “being know it alls” and rushing grandma to the hospital which turned out to be septic shock! Then proceeded to bad mouth them to the family for thinking they know more than them. Psycho aunt and her little 12 year old keep up that they are right and everyone “against them is wrong”. They are a bunch of psychos. 12 year old wants to act like he is grown. Been suspended twice the year for comments made on social media one that resulted in the FBI becoming involved the other involving himself in drama he wasn’t even involved in! Guess he takes after grandma and grandpa, and Auntie! A bunch of disgusting humans not directly involved but wanting to be involved because they are bored losers with no life. Grandson will be in Juvie the next 3/4 years. No one to blame but the whole family but they will like they did the son for selling dope but shouldn’t go to prison because “he grew up in a small town”. Just wanted t get it off my chest how messed up these self centered losers are. Also Cousin had a sister that also wouldn’t get land like him but it’s ok mommy is not cares about one of her kids!

I am a 21-year-old male in college. I am set to graduate soon. As the title says, I have been depressed for as long as I can remember. I have rapid and constant mood swings from decent feelings to the lowest-of-lows, almost to the point where I just want everything to be over. I have little to no recollection of a time in my life where I was genuinely happy. Maybe when I was a small child. But I'm almost certain that most children are happy go lucky simply due to the fact that they are so young and unaware of life, with so much to learn.
I had a good childhood. I have two college educated parents that held steady jobs all throughout my time living under their roof. We never had to worry about money or necessities. We went on vacations every year. I went to a good public school and had one good friend that I was very close with. Our priorities changed however, and we slowly began to go our separate ways before high school. Other than that close friend- I had no one. Mostly due to the fact that I had no social skills.
My largest fault and what ultimately led to this downfall is what I believe to be my extreme lack of social awareness and social skillsets. I had been an overweight kid my entire life. I did not care what I put into my body. I had to quit sports because I got so big (I physically could not compete). I was so unconfident talking to any and everyone - especially girls. I got to the point where I was so unmotivated to create meaningful relationships that I just stopped trying altogether. On top of this, as a teenage boy typically does, I began masturbating. My lack of discipline led me to begin masturbating at least 5 times a day. I remember a time where I took a 1-day break from masturbating, and it was all I could think about. I masturbated every single day, 365 days a year for probably 10 years. This addiction led to even more self consciousness and destroyed any last chance I had at being normal.
My weight and addiction had me trapped in a vice of self consciousness and constant spiral of downfalls. And I could not escape it.
The weight lasted up until the end of high school when I developed an eating disorder. I lost about 100 pounds in a year. I managed to keep this from my parents and everyone I know. No one knows about it except me to this day. They are still under the impression that I managed it by eating well and exercising. These are things that I was doing while they were present, but they were unaware of the things I was doing behind closed doors.
Fast forward to present day, I most definitely still have a slew of undiagnosed mental disorders. I am still extremely self conscious. When you lose a ton of weight, you have fat in places that will never go away. Mine is in my chest and belly. I come from an extremely traditional and conservative family, yet I question my sexuality every day. I have never been intimate with anyone yet, so it is very difficult to tell.
However, I am slowly getting better and improving. I've always had goals and aspirations but constantly struggled to maintain the proper discipline to actually work towards them. But, as of recently, I have been gaining some traction. I've been in the gym for about a year and am seeing good progress. I still struggle with consistency when it comes to clean eating and exercise. I spend days just wishing that things will get better for me rather than taking action and working towards a better way of life. My eating disorder isn't as apparent as it was, but I still struggle with it. My mood swings are horrible. I have 2-3 day 'streaks' where I eat clean, exercise, and avoid any bad habits previously mentioned here. I then quickly burnout, losing the discipline and motivation. The lows are LOW. I would never intentionally harm myself, but I sure do think about it when I find myself in this place.
It's far from a happy ending. I have a lot of work to do when it comes to my mental state, discipline, school... etc. I will prevail in the end because I know what I'm capable of. Recently I've been reminding myself of how lucky I am to wake up each and every day. Not everyone gets to experience that.
TLDR.. This was a small rant discussing my life and how I have been struggling with long time depression, my eating disorder, and mood swings. I am 21 years old, have no friends, and have never even touched a girl.

I accidentally hit another motorbike but we decided to settle it with money. But later on when I'm talking about sending them the money to pay for the damage they change their mind and ask even more money so I disagree to follow up with their BS since I check the price for the repair(Brand new replacement and same type as the original) and I gave more than enough. I refused to budge on the added amount but will I get into trouble from the police or get a record in brgy?
Unfortunately I don't have any license. The money that I was going to pay for them was supposed to be used to get my own license. Also they are the one who's driving recklessly swinging left and right and they suddenly cut off in front of me. But unfortunately there's no video on how the hit happened. I also don't have a choice then because they are a rider group. I got pressured by a bunch of them when I tried to argue. My bike also got a bigger damage than the one I hit.
It's been 15 days since then, what they only got is my name, Facebook account and license plate. Will I get trouble with the police? Will the police be able to tow my motorbike? Right now they are pressuring me again for a signature for money for the repair and other damages. I haven't paid anything since I refused to pay anything else of the agreed amount in our first talk. So I need advice fast.

So I made this comment to another person's post recently about her feeling annoyed at the teachestudent relationship in Maxton Hall and that it wasn't being properly addressed as toxic. I agree. But that's hardly my only issue with the show. Because a lot of really young people are into these genres, I feel the need to address these points as someone who's actually lived the Ruby/James storyline, different ways and multiple times. A veteran, one might say. You can take my statements as a grain of salt, or whatever you like, but may those who have ears listen:
Spoilers throughout if someone hasn't finished the season:
This is the thing...I actually find the lead actors cute and super talented even despite this being a genre that I find deplorably predictable and drab. I actually only got invested to improve my German, sadly now I'm actually invested in the characters at this point despite me seeing everything that's going to happen a mile away, because a lot of these writers who may actually be creative but stifle it for the sake of hashing out another "proven to make money" storyline that has been recreated time and time again. Yes, the teachestudent situation is problematic not because they're both consenting individuals who or of age, but because apparently they knew each long before which hints that she would've most likely have been a minor when the relationship took form. Maybe people who have read the books can shed better light on the matter.
Beyond that, my biggest issue with these common bad boy meets good girl trope shows beyond how oversaturated the romance world is with these stories (damn, not even a reversal like good boy meets bad girl), is the very negative expectations they put on real girls out there. These stories fuel the idea that they "can fix him" and even those overly toxic traits he possesses should be downplayed in some way, and even the slightest redeemable qualities he shows should be made out as holy. This is one of the large reasons I hate this genre. For example, despite James's slight transition in S1 (and yes, I'm fully aware that he will most likely continue to change for the better in some ways), to say I think Ruby deserves better is an understatement. Women/girls keep fawning over the swimming pool scene where he saves Ruby, but I was honestly pissed at him for this whole catastrophic scenario and how it unfolded. Firstly, he invited her to this godforsaken hive of scum and villainy of a party despite him knowing full well this is not normally her scene, ignores Ruby's actualized fears of pupils teasing hedisliking her for being with James, and gives her an invitation into the lion's den thinking she'll come out unscathed? For someone who hints at himself having an impressive GPA, I'm not impressed by his lack of logical deduction. When viewed from this perspective, the blame of Ruby getting pushed into the pool and being triggered into a panic attack that nearly got her drowned largely rests on James's shoulders, especially as one of the sole people at that party claiming to "care" about her. Despite this, no open moment from James of reflection of responsibility for what took place there and nothing even remotely resembling an apology not even the following morning of the incident, but rather even gave off the impression that it wasn't even that big of a deal. He sent a text asking if she was doing better (not even the first text the following morning, mind you), and that was the end of that. Not a question or care more before a slew of flirting between the two. Of course, at that point Ruby is already infatuated with him, so it makes little difference. But to someone from the outside looking in, the selfishness and ambivalence is glaringly obvious.
It's an ongoing theme in S1 that apparently getting apologies out of James is like pulling teeth (another highly toxic masculinity trait that we need to stop treating with humor or something "enduring" when interest is involved). I believe I counted him saying it only twice in the last episodes and it was always backed by some sort of excuse "but I did it because I was embarrassed by my parents...sorry, but I can't...my father...etc." In reality he's been needing to give proper apologies since the show began, but the moment he finally formulates the words, it's always accompanied by some excuse? Immaturity. What was the topper on the cake for me and an ultimate red flag (yes, yes...it's fantasy, a show...but in real life, run for the hills), he continues to take decisions that should normally involve both of them, into his own hands and gravely gauging her whims wrongly in these situations. First with the poster of them, then again ending the relationship in order to "protect" her. He's very creative at finding solutions when it's getting back at Ruby for things in the beginning, but now he's just willing to throw in the towel anytime he has to fight for their relationship? Again questioning his logical capabilities and even his intentions at this point. Perhaps it's actually just rooted in him being afraid of commitment after a life of whoring himself out to hush people up or a slew of one night stands which has left him detached? If not, as I suspect it isn't, a form of self-sabotage due to his father's hold on him. I know it's most likely the latter, and as relatable and sad as that may be, this is catastrophic and needs therapy to get resolved. Rose-tinted romance isn't going to fix that (trust me, speaking from experience, girlies). And to make matters worse, I can read the handwriting on the wall from the last episode ending, that James is liable to take matters into his own hands again and hurt Ruby because he keeps trying to decide what HE thinks is best for HER life. I'm not a teen or in my early twenties watching this show, so I tend to view these from a mother hen type of perspective. If you see a guy like James Beaufort, it might be entertaining on TV or film, but in REAL life, run for the hills unless you have written proof he's attending therapy and counselling for his issues and start seeing a difference. My interest in the show is starting to wane after already guessing (like most things in this show and others of its genre) what's coming next season...such as James getting cold feet, taking executive control of their relationship again and bailing...very sure. I don't even need to read the books for that. I've lived this, girlies.
Hopefully, the writers exceed my expectations and do something unexpected. As I said in another post, it wouldn't be the most drastic of plot twists, but make the chauffeur the old flame James's mother was alluded to and have James secretly be his kid, which would give light on why he acts like a father figure (or at least the closest positive one James has) and his passionate defense of James. That would maybe keep me invested and one my toes knowing there are actually all these secrets being unraveled. Okay, anyway, that's my rant on this. That was waaay too long. Bye.

I accidentally posted this to my username instead of my subreddit so here is is:
The Mortgage, Part 3
“Fuck,” I said as I drove to work in the old beater that only started on the fourth try because it could tell that I was pissed off. Ray’s case started at two o’clock, and I was heading to the office to get ready. “Fuck fuck fuckity fucking fuck. Fuck.” I’d wanted to tell Angela about Ray’s case, and how I was sorry that I hadn’t wanted to help him, but now I would, I would help him, and I would win, but then I’d gotten her all riled up on something else, something totally different, something way more serious.
My wife had given me a triple ultimatum: fix things up with her father, save idiot Ray from Sy-Co Corp., and somehow find a downpayment for the place she wanted to buy, in the little townhouse infill project in Bixity. It was like demanding I do a double bank shot, and then run over to the baseball diamond and hit a home run after first pointing to where it would land, Babe Ruth style.
Angela was mad at me, seriously mad. She’d slipped out that morning before I was even awake, sliding quietly past me on the couch. I didn’t realize she was gone until I heard the faint click of the front door closing. I jumped up, tripped over a blanket, and by the time I got up and my robe on, the elevator down the hall dinged, and Angela was gone before I opened the apartment door.
I swore at myself some more and pounded the steering wheel, “I fucked up,” I said, several times as I hit the wheel over and over again, until I accidentally honked it, and then looked all sheepish when the guy in front of me gave me the finger. I reached my office without further incident, but instead of walking in the front door, I went further down the hall, and into the office of Mark Cecil-Rowe, Barrister, LL.D, the man with the finest speaking voice I ever heard. When I entered his office I forgot for a minute about Angela and her father and sleeping on the couch the night before. I forget about everything, except the reason that I had come to Cecil-Rowe’s office: to stump him with a legal problem that I had solved, but which I was pretty sure he could not. In other words, I had come to preen and to brag and to boast. No one likes a showoff, and I had come to show off. I put my hand on the door and turned the knob. After a brief pause, I flung open the door.
“I’m a goddamn genius,” I said as I strolled into the older man’s office.
I noticed the echo of a hastily closed desk drawer hanging in the air. In Aaron’s office, where I rented space, a sudden act of concealment implied cocaine, but with Cecil-Rowe, the item in question was probably a mickey of vodka. I had the sense that he’d been drinking a bit before I arrived, but his powers of observation were unimpaired, and when he looked into my face, his expression showed sympathy, and actual pain.
“What have you done now?” he said, as set the papers before him to one side, and readied himself to hear my latest tale of legal brilliance.
“I’m a genius,” I said.
“Oh dear. Have a seat.”
“No really, I am. I’m a genius. I got this case that everyone says you can’t win, but I’m gonna win it, and when I do, I’m gonna look like a genius.” Cecil-Rowe gave me a sad indulgent smile.
“Whenever you tell me you’re a genius, I am always concerned about what is to follow. When you get wrapped up in what you call your genius, you tend to ignore the more mundane things we lawyers have to do to win a case. You think you’re going to win by genius alone.”
“Let me tell you why I’m a goddamn genius.” With effort I wiped the smug, self-satisfied expression that was on my face.
“Tell me why you’re a genius,” Cecil-Rowe said, “while I pour us a coffee.” He heaved his bulky body up from his chair and shuffled over to a counter. He picked up a carafe of hot coffee sitting on a hot plate, and poured two cups. “Speak,” he said, handing me one. I took a sip of the coffee, and told Cecil-Rowe the tale of Cousin Ray: his purchase of a franchise from Sy-Co Corp, its swift demise, the crash and burn in Commercial Court, the Minutes of Settlement, the seventy-one kilometer limit, and lastly, Sy-Co’s motion scheduled for two p.m. that very day, seeking an interim injunction shutting down Ray’s place.
Cecil-Rowe absorbed all this without the need to take notes. Instead, he sat back while he eyed me, taking the occasional sip of coffee, and smiling at the extravagant flourishes and details that brought out Ray’s story to full effect.
“Obviously Ray is dead on arrival,” he said, “but I guess this is the part where you tell me how you’re going to win.”
So I told him how I was going to win, but it didn’t have the desired effect. “I told ya I’m a genius, Mr. C,” cueing him to applaud, to admit what a brilliant lawyer I was. But there was no applause from Mark Cecil-Rowe. He looked at me without so much as a smile.
“You can cling to that genius notion as a consolation prize, after you get whipped this afternoon in court.”
“No way,” I said, “not a chance. I got this thing won hands down. I’m gonna kick ass in court today and--”
“And how exactly do you plan to do that, if you don’t have evidence?”
“What?”
“Evidence, Calledinthe9os. It’s what lawyers like me use to beat geniuses like you.”
“But I’m gonna win without proof. I don’t need proof. The argument I’m gonna make, relies on simple facts that are totally obvious, so the judge is gonna--” Cecil-Rowe stuck up his hand.
“Stop right there. I know what’s coming. You’re going to ask the judge to take *judicial notice.”
And he was right. That was exactly what I was going to do.
There are some things so obvious that you didn’t have to prove them, things that everyone knew. You didn’t have to prove that water froze at zero degrees and boiled at a hundred, or that Bixity was between West Bay and East Bay.
“You got it,” I said, “judicial notice all the way.”
“You’re going to tell the judge that the centerpiece of your argument, the lynchpin of your case is a fact known to pretty well everyone, and so you don’t need proof.”
“Exactly,” I said. Cecil-Rowe took another sip of his coffee, and left me hanging in the silence for a while before he spoke.
“If that’s true, then why does coming up with that argument make you a genius?”
“Oh, I said,”I didn’t think of that.”
“It is acceptable to rely on judicial notice for minor, ancillary points. But you never should walk into court thinking that the court will take judicial notice of your entire defence. It’s just too risky.”
“But how am I going to rustle up a witness in time for this afternoon?”
“Worry about that after you leave my office. I can’t help you with that. What I want to know, is why you’re doing this at the last minute.”
“What makes you think I’m doing this at the last minute?”
“Because you never would have resorted to judicial notice if you were properly prepared. If you’d opened this case a bit earlier, you’ve have everything lined up. But you got to work on it late, and so you want to rely on judicial notice. You’ve messed up, Calledinthe90s, and you know what my rule is when you mess up.” Cecil-Rowe didn’t extend aid to me, until I admitted the error of my ways. It was infuriating, but he was inflexible. So I fessed up.
“My idiot cousin Ray’s been trying to retain me for almost two weeks, but I was putting him off because I was mad at him. So now my wife’s mad at me, and if I don’t win this case, I’m dead. Plus her dad’s mad at me too and --” My brain roared into overdrive, a mess of family and law and fear, and at the centre of it, thoughts of Angela’s anger and her father. My mind took off, and then came to an instant halt at a helpful destination.
“Yes?” Cecil-Rowe said.
“Sorry. I just realized how to solve the evidence problem. Look, can I ask you about the thing I actually came here to ask you about?”
“You have a problem that’s worse than having no evidence? What could be worse than -- oh. You don’t have a retainer. Your client doesn't have any money.”
“Exactly. How do I get paid? That’s the problem.” I explained that Ray had no money, as in none, and that if he did have money, he wouldn’t spend it on me. Instead, he’d go back downtown and throw his cash at some big firm, who would take on his case, and proceed to lose it in a calm, careful, sober manner, ending in a reporting letter to Ray telling him that he’d lost.
“Now that’s a problem I can solve,” Cecil-Rowe said.
“Really? ‘Cause I can’t see a way around it. I think I’m gonna have to do this for free, and that really pisses me off.” Cecil-Rowe shook his head.
“You may or may not get paid, but you can set things up so that if you win, you’ll win pretty good.”
“How? Ray’s a deadbeat. Tapped out.”
“But is he desperate?”
“Totally. The first time he failed, he lost his own money, but if he goes under this time, he’s taking family money with him, and he’ll be the black sheep forever.”
“And he’s using family to emotionally blackmail you into helping him?’
“Like no shit. That’s the part that pisses me off the most. I’m like a goddamn slave, being forced to work for free.”
“Never fear, young apprentice. I have just the thing in mind.” He reached into a drawer, and pulled out a form. “Fill in the blanks, and have him sign.”
I looked it over, and saw that the document was a retainer agreement. I whistled. “Holy shit. If he signs this, he’s almost my slave.”
“Close, but not quite” Cecil-Rowe said, “the Latin term for this is "contractus pro venditione animae"”. It’s the ultimate retainer agreement. Once Ray signs that, you own any cause of action he has against the person suing him. You can settle the case on any terms you like, and you get to keep whatever proceeds there are.” Cecil-Rowe placed the folder back in a drawer, and from his manner you could tell that the interview was over.
“Awesome, Mr. C. I’ll call you from Commercial Court when we’re done.”
“Commercial Court?” he said.
“Yeah, Commercial Court.”
“This just keeps getting worse. Take notes, Calledinthe90s, while I school you on Commercial Court. Commercial Court is a jungle, and without preparation, you’ll get savaged.”
“That’s what happened to Ray when--”
“Take notes, young apprentice,” he said, tossing me a pad and a pen. He started to lecture, and I took notes that I have with me to this day, in a safe deposit box downstairs in the vault at Mega Bank Main Branch.
* * *
By the time Cecil-Rowe finished schooling me, it was close to ten, and the case started at two. I didn’t have much time. I ran down the hall to my office, and called Ray’s restaurant. No answer. Then I called Ray’s house. I expected to get Ray’s wife, but the man himself answered.
“You’re not at work. Why aren’t you at work?”
“Sy-Co Corp served all my employees with a cease and desist letter. They all got scared and took off. The place is shut down.”
“You gotta fax machine at home?” He did, and asked why.
“I’m taking your case, but only if you sign the paper I’m about to send and fax it back.” I sent the fax, and five minutes later it came back signed, and it was official: Ray had sold me his legal soul.
I went out to the parking lot, got into my beater and drove fast. In less than thirty minutes I reached my destination. I knocked on the door, and when it opened, my diminutive mother-in-law poked out her head. “What a pleasant surprise,” she said.
“Sorry, Mrs. M, but I’m in a super hurry. I gotta rush to get to court to help Ray. But first, I gotta speak to Dr. M.”
“He’s not here,” she said.
“Not here?”
“He’s on his way to his bridge game. He left just a few minutes ago.”
“Where’s the club?”
“He’s walking there,” she said, and pointed down the street.
“Thanks.” I got into my car and headed where Mrs. M had pointed, passing big houses and new project with an “Opening Soon” sign. And walking past it was the figure of Dr. M.
“Hey, Dr. M,” I called out the window. He stopped and looked around, startled. But he didn’t see me, not at first.
“It’s me, Dr. M. Me, Calledin90s.” He leaned forward as if to see me better. I got out of the car.
“Is something wrong with Angela? Or the baby?”
“No, no not at all, sorry to scare you, it’s nothing like that. I need your help.”
“Oh.” He started walking again, and now it was my turn to be a bit stunned, watching my father-in-law walk away from me. I caught up with him in a few quick strides.
“Listen, I really need your help.”
“And I really need to get to a bridge game.”
“This isn’t about me. It’s about Ray.” That brought him to a halt. He turned to me, angrier even than he’d been the night before.
“Did you drive all the way out here just to make fun of me? To remind me of how you won, distracting me with nonsense about Ray’s case?”
“I mean it,” I said, “I can win Ray’s case. I can prove it in a few words.”
“Prove it, then.” So I did. I spoke words, only a few words, but they were the right words to speak to Dr. M, for the words I spoke were in his language, words that he understood perfectly.
“I understand,” he said, “you’ve come to boast some more, to prove that you were right after all.”
“I want to win Ray’s case, but I don’t have any proof of what I’m saying.”
“You don’t need to prove that two plus two is four.”
“This, I gotta prove, and I need you to help me prove it. I need you to come to court with me, as my witness.”
“I can’t do that. I didn’t witness anything.”
“As my witness. My expert witness.” Unlike a normal witness, an expert witness can give an opinion. An expert is there not to advocate, I explained to Dr. M but to instruct, to teach.
“My bridge partner won’t be very happy,” he said.
“But Ray will, and so will Mrs. M and Angela and--”
“Very well. Do you have a cell phone? We can call the bridge club from my car.”
* * *
We were on the highway getting close to the downtown exit, when my wife called my cell phone. Back then cell phone service was super expensive and my wife only used it for emergencies. Or when she was really angry. I picked up the phone, wondering which it would be.
“I’m so happy that you made things up with my father,” she said.
“How did you know?”
“My mother called. She says you took him with you, that you went out together.”
“He’s with me right now,” I said.
“Where are you going?”
“To court. Going to court to win Ray’s case for him.”
“And you brought my father with you to watch?” She was so happy, I could hear in her voice that she was smiling. “That’s a great way to bond with him, Calledinthe90s. Look, I’m sorry I got so mad at you earlier, I really am. My dad’s a bit too sensitive and--”
“Sorry, Angela, your dad’s not coming to watch me.”
“Why is he with you, then?”
“He’s my witness,” I said.
“What?”
“His expert witness,” Dr. M said, loudly enough for Angela to hear.
My wife’s anger exploded into the phone. She wanted to know how I could expose her elderly, vulnerable father to the stress of a court case. I tried to tell her how I needed him, how there was literally no one else I could turn to, that her father was an expert, a true expert, and the judge was legally bound to believe him, but Angela heard none of this.
“Look,’ I said, “I promise you that--” And then I lowered the phone and pushed the red button, terminating the call. I’d learned that the best way to hang up on someone, was to do it when I was doing the talking. That way it looked like the call had dropped.
“I’m going to steal that move,” Dr. M said.
We rolled into the parking lot. I grabbed the cloth bag out of the back of my car, the bag that held my law robes and shirt and tabs, plus the other stuff I needed for court. It was one-thirty, still thirty minutes to go, not a lot of time to get robed and ready for court. It was just past one-forty five when I, with Dr. M in tow, opened the door to a courtroom on the eighth floor of an old insurance building that had been converted into a courthouse, the home of Commercial Court.
“Commercial Court is an exclusive club,” Cecil-Rowe had explained to me earlier that day, “the legal playground of the rich and powerful. They’ll know instantly that you’re not one of them.” And he was right. It was clear from the moment I walked in that I did not belong, for I was the only lawyer in robes. Everyone else was wearing a suit, and not some cheap thing off the rack like I wore.
There were a half-dozen lawyers present, and after they saw me, they exchanged knowing looks about the stranger amongst them. I ignored them, and walked up to the Registrar. I told him the case I was on, and he signed me in.
“First time in Commercial Court?” he said, eyeing my robes. “You know you don’t have to be robed in Commercial Court.” In other Superior Courts, you always had to bring your robes and get all dressed up. But Commercial Court had its own set of rules, and in the court for rich people, their lawyers did not have to wear robes.
“You’re here on the Sy-Co case?” a young woman asked. She was a junior like me, give a year or two either way. She was dressed in the finest downtown counsel fashion, some designer thing that Angela would know if she saw it.
“Just got retained,” I said.
“You know there’s no adjournments, right? We don’t do adjournments in Commercial Court. I’m just trying to be helpful, because I don’t think you've been here before. You know you don’t have to be robed, right?
“So I heard.”
“So where’s your material? You haven’t served anything, so how do you plan to argue your case?”
“I gotta witness,” I said.
She smiled. “There’s no viva voce evidence, either. Affidavit only.”
“We’ll see what the judge says.” There was a knock from the other side of the door to the judge’s chambers, and then the man himself entered.
I was amazed to see that even the judge wasn’t wearing a robe; instead, he was wearing a light coloured suit and a bright blue bow tie. He was dressed as good as the lawyers, all part of the downtown Commercial Court club, the playground of the richest and most powerful corporations in the City.
“Commercial Court’s not like other courts,” Cecil-Rowe told me earlier that day, explaining that most cases were over in fifteen minutes or less. A plaintiff showed up with some papers, and had a short consultation with the judge. The judge signed an order granting an injunction, or taking away a man’s business, or freezing his money. Commercial Court is where you went to get quick and simple court orders that eviscerated your opponent before the case even got going.
Defendants would appear sometimes in Commercial Court, Cecil-Rowe explained, but it was usually their last time up. Defendants always died a quick death in Commercial Court.
The judge took his seat, and then looked over the lawyers before him. His eyes moved along, and then stopped when they reached me, the one lawyer who was not like the others.
“You don’t need robes in Commercial Court,” the judge said to me.
“I’ll remember that for next time,” I said.
“What case are you on?”
I told him.
“He’s filed no responding materials,” my opponent said, “nothing at all.”
“I’m just vetting the list,” the judge said, “I’ll circle back to you two in a few minutes.” I listend while the judge vetted the rest of the afternoon list: a Mareva, plus a Norwich order, with counsel on those cases sent away in a matter of minutes.
Now the courtroom was almost empty, just the judge, two lawyers, the registrar and my star witness and father-in-law, Dr. M, who sat in the back of the courtroom dressed in an old business suit, put on hastily at his place two hours earlier, when I urged him to hurry it up, to not waste so much time on picking a suit.
“Back to you,” the judge said, addressing my opponent, “I thought this was an uncontested matter. That’s what your confirmation sheet said.”
“I’m sorry, Your Honour, but I didn’t know until I got here that the case was defended.”
“I got retained at the last minute,” I said, “barely three hours ago, the day after I read the papers. But I’m ready to go, ready to argue the case on the merits, so long as you grant me an indulgence, and let me call my witness, to let him testify in person instead of by affidavit, there being no time for me to draft anything.”
Opposing counsel was on her feet. “That’s not how things are done in Commercial Court,” she said, “or any court that I know of, for that matter. My friend (that’s what they make lawyers call each other in court, ‘my friend,’ even though you might hate the other guy’s guts),” the lawyer said, “my friend should have served his responding materials and filed them with the court. Instead, he’s taken us totally by surprise.”
“I’m sorry my friend is surprised by opposition,” I said, “but then consider, it’s my client’s livelihood that’s at stake. If my friend gets her injunction, Ray Telewu’s business is dead, and he loses everything. So yes, my client opposes the injunction, and yes, I’d like to call evidence.”
The judge didn’t consult the papers before him nor the books, but instead, he looked up at the big white clock on the courtroom wall. Its hands said two-fifteen.
“How long will your witness take, counsel?”
“In chief, ten minutes.” I’d practiced with Dr. M on the way in, and I was pretty sure he could do it in five, but I gave him a bit of extra time, just in case.
“We’ve got about two hours,” the judge said, “but I want to be fair to you and your client. Let’s take a fifteen minute recess so you can get instructions. Either we go ahead today with viva voce evidence, or we adjourn, and that will give Calledinthe90s time to file responding materials.”
When everyone came back, the junior’s boss was there, Senior Counsel, a heavy weight, one of those big guys downtown. Plus they brought this guy from Sy-Co Corp, the head of some bullshit division, with some bullshit title, Head of whatever, so that’s the title I’ll give him here. He was The Head. He was the man, the big cheese, the signer of the affidavit on which Sy-Co relied that day.
“What’s he doing here?” I asked Senior Counsel.
He stared at me, all lean and steel grey, looking every inch the hard hitting lawyer that commanded the biggest fees. “If you’re calling a live witness, then so can we. The Head will give evidence today, in advance of your client, so that the judge hears it from him first.” His junior smirked at me, and the two of them sat down, delighted that they’d thought of a way to one up me.
Except that they’d done it by exposing their client to cross-examination. The judge came in, allowed the Head to testify, and when he was done, I stood up.
“Just a few questions,” I said. Senior Counsel was stunned for an instant, and then he stood.
“This serves no purpose, Your Honour. The witness has confirmed the simple facts of his affidavit, and there’s no disputing it. Ray Telewu opened a restaurant less than seventy-one kilometres from Bixity City Hall, and that’s in breach of the Minutes of Settlement he signed.”
I did not bother to respond. Instead, I just stood, and I started to ask questions.
“Have a look at that map in your affidavit,” I said, and he did. I picked up my copy, and tore the map out of it. I passed it up to him.
“What do you notice about this map?”
“That it’s accurate,” the Head said, repeating his evidence in chief, amplifying it, talking about how the map contained perfect measurement.
“You will notice that the map is flat,” I said, laying it on the witness box before him.
“Of course it’s flat. That’s what maps are. Maps are flat.”
“But the earth is round,” I said, “or more properly, a sphere.” Senior Counsel was on his feet in an instant.
“What difference does that make?” he said.
“What you’ll hear from my expert witness, is that a flat map cannot accurately show Earth’s curves. A flat map distorts distances, and in this case, reduces them.”
“But that can’t be by very much.”
“In this case, by just over twenty meters,” Dr. M said from the back of the court.
“That’s my expert witness, the esteemed Dr. M.” I didn’t actually say Dr. M. Instead, I said his real name. But I’m not going to use the real names of my family here, so I’ll just keep calling him Dr. M. “Dr. M was a professor of Physics at the University of Bixity for almost thirty years. He has published numerous papers on particle physics, and is the first Canadian winner of the Wolf Prize for physics.”

• * * *

It went downhill after that for Sy-Co Corp. My father-in-law testified, explaining in simple language, language that even a child could understand, that the Earth was a sphere, that the shortest distance between two points on Earth was a curve, not a straight line. He summarized his calculations in plain English, dumbing down the math, so that everyone present imagined, if only for the moment, that they shared his understanding of a difficult mathematical equation.
Senior Counsel tried to cross-examine Dr. M, but it did not go well, my father-in-law indulging him, gently chiding him, continuing his explanations until the lawyer sat down, defeated by Dr. M’s mastery of the subject,his own lack of preparation and his inability to improvise. When counsel said that he had no further questions, the judge addressed us all.
“I’m not going to reserve, and I don’t think I need to tell everyone why. I think it will take about a minute for me to write a decision saying that the Earth is not flat. I’ll give you some more time after that, but after fifteen minutes, I”ll be back to render my decision.” He rose, everyone bowed, and he disappeared behind the door to judge’s chambers.
I pulled a piece of paper out of my file, and slammed it on the desk before Senior Counsel and his junior. “Fill in the blanks, and sign,” I said.
Dr. M’s head shot up at the commotion, and he shuffled over to see what was going on.
“What’s this?” Senior Counsel said, picking up the paper I gave him..
“Minutes of Settlement. You fill in a number, a big number, for the costs you gotta pay me. Your client signs, and then we’re done.” Senior Counsel opened his mouth to bargain, but I overrode him.
“You know your client’s going to lose; the judge made that obvious. Hurry up if you want to settle; we don’t have much time.”
At the end of most Canadian court cases, the loser has to pay at least part of the winner’s legal fees. That’s the way it’s been since forever, and I think it’s a good rule. Sy-Co Corp had lost, so it had to pay a good chunk of Ray’s costs, and Ray’s costs were somewhere between whatever bullshit figure I claimed they were, and where they actually ought to be. Senior Counsel took the paper over to his client. There was a brief discussion, and then they came back, with the form signed, and a number written in the blank space.
I’ll give it to Sy-Co Corp and their lawyer. It wasn’t a bullshit number, a low ball number. They gave me a real number, a number more like something I’d actually accept, a number that made sense to pay me in costs, in light of the success I’d had, and how I got it. It was a respectful number, a common sense number, and I appreciated it an awful lot.
I tossed the paper back at them.
“Add a zero,” I said, continuing on when Senior Counsel blanched, and his junior retreated a step. “I know what’s going on here. Your client sold mine a bullshit franchise, one with a history of failing.” The franchise had opened up again under a new owner not long after Ray had lost it and then it promptly failed again. Like I said at the start of this story, it’s an old story. It’s how some franchise companies make money. “Your client makes more money selling bullshit franchises doomed to fail, then it does from the honest ones that make money. So add a zero to that number, or Ray’s gonna sue you, class action and all that, for all the people you’ve fucked.”
The Head stepped forward from the benches and spoke to me.
“We get threats like that all the time, but no one follows through. They don’t have the money to fight us, and neither does your client. So go ahead and sue.”
“It’s true that Ray doesn’t have jack shit,” I said, “not a pot to piss in, but he’s my cousin, Ray is, and even if he doesn’t have money, he’s got me. Ray’s family, and for Ray, I’ll sue you guys for free. Hell, I’ll even pay the expenses. Plus I’m gonna put a jury notice in, too, come to think of it, ‘cause juries--”
Senior Counsel cut me off, and moved his client to the back of the courtroom. There was a brief discussion, and then they came back. I watched as Senior Counsel wrote a single digit on the Minutes, a zero, written right where I wanted it.
“You’ll have to initial the change,” I said to the Head of Sy-C0, and it gave me great satisfaction to watch him sign.
“Don’t forget,” I said the moment his pen stopped moving, “for the settlement to be valid, I need to get the money today. Right now.”
“Can’t it wait until tomorrow?” the Head said.
“Not if you want the settlement to stay in place. I’ll follow you back to your office, and you can put a cheque in my hands.”

• * * *

“What’s this?” my wife said when I entered the apartment later that day, after I’d driven Dr. M home, stopping first at a local pub for beers.
“It’s an absurdly expensive bunch of flowers,” I said, “although no flowers, however beautiful, however expensive, could expiate my--”
She took the flowers, and gave a kiss.
“My mom called. She told me what happened. You fixed things with my dad.”
“Yup,” I said. I had certainly done that. I’d made Dr. M a professor again, if only for a few minutes. Not only a professor, but an expert witness. The judge had declared him an expert in plain terms and Dr.M had beamed when he’d heard those words.
“And you won Ray’s case, too. But my mom didn’t know how, and I don’t know how you did it either.”
“I’ll tell you over dinner tonight,” I said.
“But we agreed no more dinners out; we have to save money, now that a baby’s coming.”
I passed her the envelope that I’d received a few hours before. She opened it, and took out a cheque, a cheque drawn up for an amount I specified, made payable to Mr. and Mrs. Calledinthe90s.
The moment I got that cheque, all I could think about was how my wife would react when I put it into her hands. I could not wait to see her eyes bulge, to hear her voice say “oh my god,” to hear her laugh.
She did none of these things. Instead, she cried.
“Does this mean we can buy a house?” The money wouldn’t be enough to buy a house, not nowadays, with prices being so crazy. But things were different back then in the 90s. Sure, the internet was barely a thing and cell phones were super expensive and a lot of things sucked, but I’ll give the nineties one thing: houses were cheap.
“I think so,” I said.

The Circus is back in town people! Here's what to brace for this season:
Kravis Bliss: Travis and Kourtney, consumed by their love and the new baby Rocky Thirteen, will be rare apparitions. They're too engrossed in filming "Kravis Does Kalabasas" with Travis's kids to haunt our screens much. They will tease their new show with the first sightings of the Rock to entice viewers. She will say "Like" and "I DON'T CARE" at least 14.5 times per dialogue scene.
Kim's saga thickens: Kim crafted the imperfect illusion of a soccer mom, all while weaving a clandestine romance in the shadows. A Kris Jenner masterclass in contradiction, if ever there was one. Will we find out if she's still trudging through law school, preparing for the "toddler bar?" Don't expect the ghastly spectacle of her "Pearl Necklace" Met Gala fiasco or leaving her minor child on the side of the road to haunt the screen. Some horrors are too cringeworthy even for this show. We will get at least TWO new UGLY cry Memes!!
Khloe's Love Life: Khloe is still captured in Tristan's web, and will perform the usual charade about her unparalleled joy as a single mom of three. She'll profess what a great dad, and best friend he is and that she doesn't read the comments while simultaneously going full gangster on those who criticize her (the comments she supposedly doesn't read). She will continue to push the narrative that she is singling and mingling and call herself a MILF more than once. Her lips will continue to grow and we aren't just talking camels. She's no longer involved with Good American Jeans, but Im sure that wont be discussed.
Kendall's Vanishing Act: The ghost of the Hulu era, Kendall, will materialize more frequently this year to take the heat off of Kim's pointless adventures and Kourtney's uncaring attitude. She'll complain every episode about her debilitating anxiety yet appear in sheer see-through garments at every bar, festival, and five-and-dime from California to the Hamptons, peddling her latest questionable celebrity-endorsed Tequilla brand. She will try to convince us and rave about how much fun she is while getting an IV drip with her bestie after finding the closest reserved handicapped parking spot. Benito Bunny. Devin. Sashay Away, Shontay you stay - Does anybody care about her relationships anyway?
Kylie's Rebrand: Prepare for a deluge of Kylie. She'll remain cryptic about her romantic entanglements but will drop hints about a special someone. As of a year ago when this was filmed, she was still smoking ciggies with him, shaving her jaw while Ozempicing and chasing the Parisian chic esthetic.
Kris's Waterworks: Expect Kris to shed at least one cry, drink a liter of Vodka, and say "You guys" at least twenty-five times per episode. She will continue to profess her undying (and blatantly insincere) love for Corey the Fixer, who everyone knows has a much younger girlfriend that he was caught kissin in da Club. Speaking of - He will be wearing those obnoxious D&G x Corey silks in EVERY SCENE he is in.
Lord Disick's Filler Time: Scott will fill the void, funding his naughty vices with his paycheck. With the troves of dirt he holds and no NDA to bind him, Kris ensures his coffers are well-stocked. Most of his scenes are filmed after "events" so he can "bring it up" when they stop by to visit (its all for show people. ALL for show).
Next-Gen Spotlight: The cameras will fixate on Kim's daughter and Kourtney's stepdaughter, grooming them for their presumed dominion over the Hip Hop and Fashion worlds.
Prepare yourself for a season steeped in shadows, contradictions, and the eerie familiarity of reality TV's endless charade of stupidity and lies by a bunch of over-inflated, bodies and egos.
Did I miss anyone? Not likely.

OK, for those of you coming back, I've done a few posts about "the perfect Money/XP base," but wanted to cover Getting through an NG+ as fast as possible for getting you your starborn powers and bugging the hell out:
So follow along :)
1) Land on Vectera 2) Run down to where you pulled the artifact, hitting Elemental Pull all along the way -- depending on how much you did for geology, you'll have a nice cache of Calumite and Beryllium. 3) Grab the digipick in the side room. 4) Fast Travel to your ship, and off to the Lodge! 5) Do a quicksave before you enter the lodge -- you can save scum and reset the weapon Sarah's about to give you as well as the inventory downstairs -- once you enter the lodge they're fixed for the rest of the playthrough. 6) Talk to Sarah, get your cutter, weapon and 25K credits. Put her in your ship as crew, do the same for Vasco. You can get Sarah to follow you if you want, or you can just solo everything -- either way. 7) Go downstairs, collect everything, unlock the Mark 1 Spacesuit, and grab it, grab the book from Cora's room 8) While you're there, hit the stove and the pharma lab -- you can't make anything yet, but go ahead and "Track the items" for the following - I usually plan on making 10-20 of each, and then combining bandages/healpaste/antibiotic into the Analgesic Poultice, so only one thing to cure most: Bandages Heal Paste Immobilizer Antibiotic Injector All the "hearts" - Black Hole, Giant etc... Panopticon Paramour
Go to the stove and track: Galaxy Lo Mein Nebula Wat Papardelle Bolognese Stellar Kebabs Star Cluster Marsala 5 of each should be plenty - for me I only really ever use them on Buried Temple.
9) Go to the Eye - Talk to Vlad, get the "assigned" temple, and the list of artifact locations -- it's ALWAYS the same six locations. 10) Go to the Bessel III-a location, but DO NOT LAND THERE 11) Bessel III-b's Temple will spawn (unless of course, it's the one that was assigned already) 12) Go do the temple on Bessel III-b 13) Go to an anomaly if it didn't "autodetect" and scan it, and grab up all the calumite with Elemental Pull 14) Use my "Free Money Guide" Post to find and build the outpost here -- at this point you probably won't build the base quite yet, as you haven't done any shopping yet. 15) If you go to Neon to shop, and you haven't done any detours, you will probably spawn Sigma on Volii Epsilon -- hit it and grab that power while you're nearby, to make sure it doesn't bug 16) I usually go to Gagarin as Clint often has all the materials necessary. He carries (not TOO rarely) Aldumite Drilling Rigs, which are the key to fast money. Sieghart, Outland, and Jae in New Homestead also carry them sometimes. 17) Build the base 18) Sleep and sell - aim for about 2 Million Creds - if you've built our 6 robots, have max surveying, max outpost stuff, this is 1 24 hour sleep cycle, depending on the mods you may or may not play with, selling all this stuff may take time -- Neon will have your best vendor density for dumping. Remember that you can carry everything in your ship, by dropping it on the floor 19) Time to get the Razorleaf -- why?? because it has a fun mechanic where spacers will freak out, and more importantly, it will ALWAYS have the same ship ID -- this is important if you're willing to use the console to fix shield and target lockon bugs -- you can use a text file and just "bat rlfix" if you always know the ship ID. 20) Go to Sirius Ib -- it will have the HE3 extraction site, and will *almost* always have spacers. One of them SHOULD drop "Secret Outpost" which will start the Mantis questline 21) Go to Denebola 1a and clear the Lair of the Mantis, and claim the Razorleaf - make sure you're looting along the way, even though you don't need creds any more, you still need digipicks to go mo fast. 22) Finish shopping, and get the AGM and Quark Degen from Sieghart in Neon, run next door to Newill for the Gastro D. 23) Go back to your outpost and rebuild the Razorleaf into a dreadnaught24) Make your food and meds -- you'll want 5-10 of each, no more, you won't be here long enough to use them now 25) GOGOGOOGOGO FAST! 26) Go gather the artifacts from the remaining locations. Most of these spots will have a skill magazine, unless you did a perfect, complete NG0, you'll probably be adding a little bit of power by picking each of them up. 27) I use a spreadsheet to track what temple spawns on what planet -- cuz I'm a nerd :) BUT as soon as you pick up an artifact, go grab the power - Alpha, Eta and Sigma are ALWAYS gonna be in this first set, the rest are random. 28) At this point you can go back to the lodge and re-recruit Sam, Barrett and Andreja 27) Oborum -> Masada -> Temple -- all the consumables are nice to make the fight go smoother -- Phased Time is totally your best friend use it early and often, and when you have the Heart consumable you can use it pretty much whenever you want. Panopticon is awesome, and the Nebula Wat makes you go noticeably faster. 28) Talk the Hunter and Emissary down -- ain't nobody got time for that fight! -- Use a Paramour before you open the temple door. 29) Go grab the rest of the temples 30) Off to Unity, rinse and repeat!

TLDR: My boyfriend and I have completely different relationships to dogs. He likes dogs, but not in the way I like dogs. Can't get on the same page about my dog and it's causing an impasse. Suggested couples therapy and he was wishy-washy about it. Not sure what to do
My (27f) boyfriend (30m) and I have been together for about 9 months, but have known each other for much longer (~9+ years). He is not originally from the US, but has been in the US since undergrad, which is where we met. I'm from the US.
I have a 6-7 year old male cattle dog/hound mix named Red who I've had for nearly 6 years. Red has had bad isolation distress literally since a week after I picked him up from the shelter that I've spent tons of time, money, and energy working on. He's made a TON of progress, but he's still not at the point where he can be consistently left home alone for more than 15 minutes. I have roommates, so if they're planning to be home while I'm gone, I can leave him with them since his issues really only come out when he's left all alone. If they're not going to be home for even 30 minutes of when I'd be away or if they aren't sure if they want to leave the house for a bit to do something, I'll either take him to daycare if it's during their hours, bring him with me if I can, or cancel my plans because I can't be sure that I'll be able to leave him without him barking nonstop. I have neighbors and he's a hound with quite an intense bark. Besides his isolation distress, he's a really sweet boy who loves people (especially men lol) and just wants to hang out nearby and maybe get some pets. Because of the YEARS of trying to get his isolation distress under control, I've spent a lot of time training him and he's a smart little guy so he's pretty well-trained although there's always room for improvement. However, he does have some anxiety.
I love him with my whole heart. As you can imagine, we've spent a ton of time together over the past 6ish years and I'm QUITE attached. I also just love dogs generally. Since I was a little kid, I've always loved dogs, wanted a dog, loved caring for dogs, etc. My love for Red is quite clear and everyone who knows me even a little bit knows how much I love and would sacrifice for him.
Although my partner and I started dating only 9 months ago, we've known each other for much longer. I would go visit him with Red throughout the years and I was always under the impression my bf liked him and didn't mind my relationship with him. When I'd visit, I'd share the bed with my boyfriend and Red would also sleep on the bed. My boyfriend never said anything at the time. Whenever I needed to take Red for a walk, he would gladly accompany us. He would play with Red and pet him. He would talk about him fondly. The only indication I had that we didn't have the same background with dog ownership is when I asked him if it was okay for Red to be on the bed or furniture, he said it was totally okay but jokingly told me not to tell anyone from the country he is from because they would make fun of him. I thought that was a funny way of commenting on cultural differences around dog ownership, but I didn't get the sense that it was something that he was uncomfortable with personally.
The entire time I've known him, except for when we were in college, we've been long-distance (like on opposite sides of the country long-distance). That was the main reason why we didn't start dating before now. In august, we said fuck it and let's just try. Communication has definitely been challenging at times because of being long-distance, but it's overall been going pretty well. We get to see each other every month, switching off who goes where. I'm in grad school right now, so I'll go to him during breaks. He has his own company and frequently has business in the city I'm living in, so he'll prolong his stays in my city by a couple of days when he comes out here for business. It's pretty good for bi-coastal long-distance!
The biggest problem that's come up (which feels so ridiculous but it is) is my dog. Since we've started dating, he's completely changed how he acts about my dog. When my boyfriend comes over to my house during visits, he doesn't initiate any interaction with my dog at all. When I tell him I need to take my dog on a walk, he doesn't come and tells me that he doesn't need the walk. Even when he's not visiting and I'm talking to him on the phone, I've mentioned that I need to take him on at least 2 30+ min walks a day (because that's the bare minimum exercise he needs to be doing good) and he tells me that it's too much walking and I don't need to do that. He frequently tries to get me to board my dog overnight when he's in town because he likes to "just spend time with me." Like, he asks me to do this when we're just hanging out at my place with no plans to go out. Or he keeps suggesting that I should leave him with my mom who lives 10 hours away because my life would be less stressful and he would be taken care of really well with her.
I've tried to be patient and respect that he doesn't have the same relationship to dogs that I do. I don't let Red on the bed when he's around. I don't let Red lick him. I don't ask him to go on walks with us. If we're going to go to a dinner and we can bring Red because it's outdoor seating, I'll consider taking him to daycare instead or with my roommates if they're around/able. But the suggestions about leaving him with my mom or boarding him overnight for no reason (IMO) really, really get me mad and it's getting harder to deal with because I've tried to explain to him why I don't feel comfortable doing that many times but it doesn't seem like he's willing to accept that my answer is no. We had a big conversation about the Red problem in February, because there were several times where our preferences regarding Red were not aligned and one time where I got pissed about him asking me to board him and I said no pretty sternly. We talked about it and he expressed that he didn't realize before that trip that I view Red as my actual son. He said he had reflected on his requests regarding Red because he always wants to make sure he's being reasonable and thought that it might just be a cultural difference between us, but then he thought about what his SIL who is from the States is like with her *family dog that she hasn't lived with in many years* and came to the conclusion that I do not view my dog like other people view their dogs. I tried to push back on that, but he wasn't convinced. Anyways, I tried to explain again why I don't like to board him overnight if I can avoid it and how I take the role of being his owner really seriously because I'm the only advocate he has to look out for his health/wellbeing. I also tried to explain that I like to be around my dog and the way he's been around my dog makes it seem like he doesn't like him + the way he tries to convince me to leave him with my mom or board him makes me worried that he's trying to get me to get rid of my dog and/or he doesn't take seriously that my dog brings a lot of joy to me/is really important to me. He denies all of this but still keeps suggesting these things even though he knows it makes me uncomfortable. He says that he wants to make sure he's honoring who he is which is why he continues to bring it up and that he doesn't like that he doesn't have any input on the decision. I'm trying to be more flexible but I feel I've already accommodated a lot on this front (like taking Red to daycare or leaving him with roommates when we're doing something he could easily come to like cook dinner at his airbnb and watch movies) and also... it's my dog...
I think part of my bf's problem is that my dog is used to being on the bed or furniture, so when my bf's over, I have to tell him a couple of times to stay off before he will. He also can get barky/jumpy when people hug or kiss, so we have to do some training for that too. I think my bf doesn't like to have to think about those things/doesn't think that can change and would rather him just not be there. I've tried to tell him that those things are trainable and I'm more than happy to do that with him so he's more comfortable, but we need to have him there with us so that we can train him get used to it. In fact, I had started doing that already and he's gotten better, even though it's only been worked on about 4 times in the past 6 months (the total number of times all 3 of us have been together in the past 6 months). He does not believe me that'll actually get better with training though. I'm kind of at a loss because I'm really trying to find a solution that'll work for all of us, but it doesn't feel like he's interested in any alternative that involves my dog being around. He also hasn't offered any alternatives.
I've talked to my therapist about it and she thinks that we're having a really hard time communicating with and understanding each other about this (YUP) and suggested we consider couple's therapy. Honestly, for however silly it sounds, I think it's a good idea. Especially since we have been pretty clear from the beginning about how we want to have a future together (i.e. live together, get married, have children, etc) and I'm not sure how any of that can work if we can't get on the same page about something like this.
I talked to my bf about the couple's counseling and he brushed it off. I'm planning on bringing it up again but honestly all of this, including some other stuff I am not mentioning here bc this post is already long enough, is already making have massive doubts about whether this'll work more seriously since as silly as it sounds, it seems like a big incompatibility that we're not able to work through. I don't know. I'm worried I'm being too protective and uncompromising, but I think it's because I'm worried that if I don't set a firm boundary about this, it could be a slippery slope...

O.J. Simpson is gone-dead from cancer earlier this year. Rewind back to the 90's. O.J, or not O.J. depending on who you ask, stabbed his ex-wife and her boyfriend to death in Los Angeles. The whole country was subsequently held hostage with round the clock O.J. coverage in the wake of the murders*. Its all anyone talked about and there was no way to escape it. There weren't thousands of channels to flick to, or dozens of streaming services available to seek refuge-in far away from the insanity.
However, after his acquittal he seemed to simply fade from public view-absorbed back into the stained fabric of American society. That was of course before he was locked up for nine years in 2008 for attempting to rob his own memorabilia at gunpoint. So what was he doing with his freedom in the years prior?
Nothing. Well, almost nothing. In 2006, executive producer Rick Mahr, famous for the highly-cerebral Backyard Wrestling series, decided it would be a good idea to tap into the reality show boom with an MTV Punk'd themed prank show featuring O.J. Simpson.
It was a one-hour special that featured O.J. himself engaging in a series of pranks ranging from dressing in rags while selling oranges on the side of a highway, to him serving and insulting fat customers in a fast-food drive thru. At the end of the gig, he'd come clean and tell the victim with a smile "you just got Juiced!" Most of the pranks fell flat on their face: people sometimes didn't recognize O.J. or didn't understand the prank, or the whole idea was just too damn stupid.
But the icing on the cake was the skit where O.J. attempted to sell a replica of his white Ford Bronco, which incidentally was discontinued for years after the murders (but that's another story, you can see below for a few more details). The Bronco even sported a real bullet hole, which The Juice himself signed right above it.
O.J. seems to reflect on the whole Bronco chase as simply comical. Is this some dark type of new-age therapy? "It has great escapability!" he keeps informing customers. Does he admit that there was a dead body in the car? Was it him who placed it there? I have never heard O.J speak so candidly about details from the aftermath of the murders.
Here are some exchanges between O.J. and potential 'customers' as reported in the NPR This American Life episode 564-Too Soon?:

Man: Is there $10,000 in here?
O.J: Nope, Nope. No $10,000,
Man: ...You were carrying it, you know?
O.J: Naw, naw. They say that, I was carrying about $3.
Man: $3?
O.J: Yeah, that's why they never brought it up in court.

In another exchange:

O.J: It was good for me.
Man: Yeah?
O.J: Got me out of harm's way.
Man: ...Ok, I'll sit in it...there was a dead body in there.
O.J: Yeah. Well, um, hopefully there's no bodies in this thing. And I can guarantee you, the car has escape-ability. I mean, if you're ever getting into some trouble, and you've got to get away, it has escape-ability.
Man: (Laughing)

He'd be locked up soon after this aired. Apparently only about 100 DVDs ever sold, and there are no other details about the profits made from the pay per view event, or O.J.'s fee for appearing in the special.
All in all, it was a completely ill-conceived idea with even worse execution that somehow was spewed into existence. It reeks of a desperation for money from all parties involved, none of whom seemed capable of creating any well-written gags for the camera. However, it is memorable in the shock-value of seeing an accused murderer making light of the truck he rode in after he supposedly stabbed his wife and her boyfriend to death.
Most humans will live a rich, full life never knowing this even exists. For the woeful few who do see it, you can't help but leave with an overwhelming feeling that O.J. was a twisted and broken man at this point, straining to grasp at even the the slightest hint of his former celebrity and adoration.
\To most people born post 1980s, OJ Simpson was a famous athlete accused, then acquitted of murder who'd later serve time for a completely unrelated crime.*
But to the rest of us, OJ is the single most infamous athlete name of our lifetimes--the shockwave that was sent through the country when it was announced that his ex-wife and her boyfriend had been murdered in Los Angeles, was unprecedented.
Its impossible to recreate the magnitude of this mono-cultural event that was the OJ Trial, and words don't begin to describe the fall from grace of one of the most beloved sports stars ever.
We'll never be able to forget the image of the low-speed white Ford Bronco chase with dozens of police cars in not so hot pursuit, or the inhumanly long trial that fractured the country along racial lines, or the glove that don't fit (so you must acquit!).
To the younger generation: try to imagine waking up to read that one of the Manning brothers had been accused of bumping off their significant other. Maybe that serves to illustrate the disbelief that we were all hit with that one night in June, 1994.
After the 8 month murder trial (yeah, how many of you had forgotten it lasted that long?), OJ was a free man. Images of him happily golfing sent waves of anger through white America, who felt like justice was cheated by a slick defense team that highlighted the racist tactics of the LA police department. On the heels of the Rodney King video and subsequent riots, this was not only a brilliant strategy, but one rooted in a great deal of truth.
A civil lawsuit followed in which OJ was found responsible for the death of Ron Goldman and ordered to pay his family $33 million. To my knowledge, they never received a cent.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOEcsIghRpg

Hey dudes,
A little set up, I'm 32, and something is going on in my life. For the last year I've felt progressively worse. I think there are a few factors.
I switched careers a few years back into programming. I'm very consumed with it, I've studied + work every day for 3 years now. I'm talking 60-80 hours a week studying and programming for 3 years. I'm working on my masters atm + my day job + doing a job hunt since my job is having layoffs constantly. I love programming a lot but I have been starting to get frustrated with it.
Another thing, I have pretty high standards for myself. I workout daily, I take cold showers, focus on my self improvement a lot, and try to keep my house really clean and what not.
I also have a 2 year, really love her, and she's a typical 2 year old.
I'm also married, to the women I dated since 18, we married at 24. We had some extremely toxic times in the past. That's as specific as I'm willing to be. She's a very smart, possibly low level autistic, high achiever. She's also working on her masters atm.
I've also struggled with like medical stress in the past: thinking I had cancer and what not. I don't have those fears anymore, but I have been having all these doctors appointments, and a surgery for something in my ear drum. I'm not like fearful of it but it adds to my stress just all the logistics of it.
So anyways, I've been feeling really fried and terrible the last year. The last few months though it's getting very bad. I was just in Ireland for 2 weeks, and I was literally up all night one night just thinking how I wish I would just die.
I'm not s_____, it's more like: "if I died, that would be just fine" It's a very dark place for me right now. I just feel like I'm not enough, and I need to work harder to be enough.
My typical day is:

• I write out a schedule of things I want to do, and when. Generally every hour of my day is planned.
• Generally I'm always feeling stressed on everything I need to do: interview prep, study for school, workout, clean the house, cook dinner, help out with my daughter, do my job, etc, etc. And I can never keep up with it all. I'm a 4.0 student, do well at work. I would say I hit my marks, and it's important to me.

So anyways... idk I'm looking for advice. I see this is a problem. And I'm very over it. I want to feel good and strong again. I've never struggled with depression in my life, but I have struggled with anxiety. I know I'm over loaded at the moment. I keep telling myself "Just push a little longer" and I think it will clear up: job hunt will end, school will end, my wife will get out of school, etc.
The reality is, I make way more money than I ever dream. I've achieved more than I ever dreamed. I've gone farther in school than anyone in my family. I have a nice house, a nice car, etc. But I feel worse than ever.
I don't want to slow down in school because I want it to be over with, tbh. It's extremely hard for me, but it will pay off I hope.
My wife is also extremely busy, school, daughter, high demand job. So when she has any free time she's looking at instagram trying to just relax. I don't expect her to solve my problems, but it does leave me feeling alone.
In general I just feel like if I died no one would care. I feel like if I was d___, it would all go away. Like all my stress would stop, and I could finally just relax.
Again, I am not s_____. But holy shit I feel alone, and tired.
What should I do? Be kind here, I'm not in the mode for criticism, just advice.

GUYS there's a mistake in the title: I am a female, not a male. Can't edit.
Just to be clear beforehand:
· I am a 100% sure he is single and not dating his ex
I (27F) met this man (26M) a couple months ago on a datingapp. I remember it saying in his bio that he was looking for something casual, at that point I didn’t know what I was looking for so I just sent him a message. We bonded over the fact that we both just got out of a long term relationship, we were both single for 2 months at that point after 4.5-5 years of dating (very coincidental but nice to bond over that LOL). He was very open and honest and also told me that he is still living with her at this point (it’s not easy to find a new place in the capital of our country). What I noticed is that this man was very honest, for example, he shared that he had a STD and that he has kissed guys (which could definitely be a dealbreaker for some girls). While it was clear that he was looking for casual, I did notice that after a short while he would text me at 7am when he woke up, and he literally talk the whole day. Also when he was working he would text me all the time. I started really liking him.
We had a strong attraction, and I was the one making very flirty and sexual comments. We would tease each other and couldn’t wait till the moment that we could meet up and have sex. After talking 24/7 for 3 weeks, we had our first date. We very both very nervous, and I remember him saying that he normally doesn’t get nervous so that this was weird for him. I sometimes did get the feeling that he started to like me a little more than only for casual. The date went great, and I think we really hit it off. We just talked for hours about our life and interests. We went from bar to bar just talking, and I remember saying that I had to at a certain point because I paid for my parking until a specific time. It was just a 10 minute walk. What made me certain that he liked me enough for a second date is when he offered to just keep talking, and that he would pay for my fine (100$) when I got one. He has a good job (therapist) so definitely has a good income but that amount of money is also a lot for him. Of course I declined LOL but I remember being flattered.
The day after I remember saying that he decided after the date to only focus on me, and that he would like it if I did the same. He also said that he was a “one girl kind of guy”. On the first date he also made me promise jokingly, yet serious, to at least go on 5 dates with each other. At tis point, it was clear that we found each other very attractive and that we really want to sleep with each other. Date two was also a lot of fun and at this point I really started to like him. The day after, he asked me for a third date. We kept taking initiative with conversations all the time. It would be very flirty and sexual sometimes, but also about anything and everything. I remember that sometimes I would try to be very flirty and he would direct the conversation to other stuff (like family), which was interesting to me, but I think he just really liked me. I am very cautious, and am really scared of the dating scene especially hearing all the ghosting, manipulating, whatever shit that happened to people around me so I was really analyzing anything and everything he was saying but there did not seem to be any red flags. My friends and older sister were sure he was falling in love with me based on the information I shared.
One night we were on the phone and I remember him hanging up suddenly when his ex entered their home. He already told me that he would have to end the conversation if this happened. After the conversation I remember him being kind of scared that I was annoyed that his ex is affecting our situation, but I explained that I understand and think it’s very respectful that he’s not rubbing it in her face that he’s talking to someone new. The day after he shared that he realized he wants to really separate wit this ex, and that he initiated a conversation about one of them moving out. I remember being like: oh he really likes me since little situation made him take action.
Throughout all of this, I would sometimes joke and make non-casual comments, in the beginning he was clear that he was not ready for that. After a while I remember him saying that these jokes were not scaring him (anymore). At this point I really liked him, and wasn’t sure if I was going to be happy with only being casual, and we had multiple conversations about this. The conversations went from ‘I really only can do casual at this point so if we’re not at the same page, we need to be clear and end it so no one gets hurt’ to ‘I wanted casual but at this point I am not sure, I really like you and I think it’s likely that I would want a serious relationship with you’. He was very clear and open about the fact that he was confused and was trying to figure out what he really wanted. A very important note: I noticed from the beginning on that this is a very conscientious, analytical person that thinks things through. From the beginning, I was also very clear that I could develop feelings, and that if I did and wanted more, that I would really like it if he would respect me enough to tell if he wasn’t in that place. He promised he would be honest. At this point there was no indication that he was dishonest about anything so I tried to just trust him on this.
I think at this point we’ve been talking for 3 weeks, and of course, I start to really like him. To me, it’s clear that he really likes me too. We did not have sex at this point. I started to catch feelings and asked him how to prevent falling in love. He responded that he had the same, and that at this point he is not even sure that this something he wants to prevent anymore. However, he was still reflecting on this situation and honestly it would be kind of weird to rush into a new relationship after being involved with someone else for so long, he was also living with her, and we do not live near each other so the situation was not in our favor.
Note: at this point we did not have sex yet. The sexual connection was definitely there though, and it was clear for both of us that on date 3 we would have sex.
One night, he had a party that he was really looking forward to. The day after he called me and kind of broke things off with me. He explained that this party made him realize that being single/having freedom is what he wants at this point. He was honest about finding other women attractive at this party (he volunteered the information that he did not find the girls more attractive than me), and that he did not flirt with them because we were talking, but that he would’ve liked that and would’ve liked to just have fun without the commitment. He said that he really liked me, and that if he kept talking to me and if we would continue to mee up, he was sure that he would fall in love and that he is just not ready for that at this point. He shared that he only wants to get in a relationship if he thinks he can give himself fully, and that at this point he’s just not there yet. During this conversation, he realized that this situation also happened with his ex that we dating for 5 years: they really liked each other, but he didn’t feel like he could give his all to her, so he didn’t commit. However, they still kept in contact (studying the same thing), couldn’t really keep away from each other and still had sex. This continued for a while until he felt ready to give himself fully, and that’s when they got official. I asked him if he also sees that happening with me, he said he did but that he couldn’t promise that 100%. I thanked him for his honesty, but couldn’t understand: all the signals were there that he really liked me and was very invested. I also told him that I was afraid I was being naïve to believe what he was saying, as I heard this exact situation happen to every girl ever (the bullshit cliches like “you deserve better”, “I need to work on myself”) and that it didn’t make sense what he was saying like: “I like you. I like you so much that if we would keep meeting, I will fall in love. Therefore, let’s stop talking.” However, at the same time I felt like I could trust him, based on the fact that he cut if off BEFORE we had sex. He literally could’ve waited another five days, had sex with me, and then cut if off. But at this point he didn’t get any.
This guy is not a fuckboy, I am sure of that. I have a specific type. He is the exact type like my ex, there is no fuckboy bone in their body.
We ended it. I let him know that he could contact me whenever he is ready for something serious, but that I would also keep dating and go on with my life.
My question to you guys is, and you can be harsh:
· Am I delusional, and is this quite literally every situation ever and does it come down to “I am not ready to a relationship… WITH YOU” or does it make sense what he’s saying? I just don’t understand letting someone go you like so much, think is so beautiful and interesting. It just does not make sense. However, at the same time, everything that he is and said did indicate that he really values “doing the right thing” and is really strict on himself. Is he just such a good, stand-up guy that he’s willing to let me go, or at least let the possibility for sex go, because he “knows he can’t give himself fully” and that he won’t get in a serious relationship if this is the case because he would lose respect for himself, and also doesn’t want me to accept any less than 100%.
(Last point: I considered the possibility that he just lost interest after date 2. He ended it 6 days after the second day. However, I don’t think this is likely: he asked for a third date the day after, and would jokingly remind me of the 5-date-promise, he “offered” to go to a concert with me of someone that he is not as big as a fan of which would cost him a lot of money, nothing in our conversations changed. Nothing gave off that he was less interested.)
TL;DR Met a guy on a dating app who initially wanted something casual. Despite living with his ex and admitting to not being ready for a serious relationship, we connected deeply. He was very open and honest, shared personal details early on, and our communication was intense and constant. After a few great dates, he seemed to start considering a more serious relationship with me. However, after a party, he realized he wasn’t ready to commit and broke things off, saying he feared falling in love because he couldn’t give himself fully yet. He was honest and ended things respectfully before we became more involved. I’m left wondering if this situation is a typical "it’s not you, it’s me" scenario or if he genuinely needs more time, as he stated. Is it delusional to think he might come around, or did his actions show genuine integrity and self-awareness?

I have known my best friend (24M) for 6 years now and we talk nearly every day. He is very interested in traveling and recently took a solo trip abroad (We are from the USA and this was a South American country). While he was there, he checked his dating apps out of curiosity about the locals and found that there was only a small handful of women in the town that were on the app. He decided to meet up with the one that matched with him and get dinner. He told me that her accent was very strong and there were some communication issues but that he had a good time. The next day, he spent the whole evening with her going bar hopping and then he had dinner with her again the third day before he left for another town.
Now, less than a week later, he has come back to the USA and told me that he might start planning another trip to a different foreign country with this girl. I was shocked and told him that seemed like a bad idea and he barely knew her. He said it's not like she's going to hurt him or kidnap him because she's a woman and she has a good job etc so she's probably a safe person. I told him it's still a crazy idea to plan a week long (maybe longer) international trip with someone you've known for a couple days and he got very defensive saying it would be saving him money to split a room with her and no different from a hostel. I said I was worried that he was talking like this because he's normally a very practical person and always tells me to think about things logically and safely and he got even more upset and said he never asked for my opinion and it was just a thought. Am I overreacting by telling him it's a crazy idea?

GUYS SORRY THE TITLE IS WONG, I can't seem to edit: I AM A FEMALE, not a 26 year old male.
Just to be clear beforehand:
· I am a 100% sure he is single and not dating his ex
I (27F) met this man (26M) a couple months ago on a datingapp. I remember it saying in his bio that he was looking for something casual, at that point I didn’t know what I was looking for so I just sent him a message. We bonded over the fact that we both just got out of a long term relationship, we were both single for 2 months at that point after 4.5-5 years of dating (very coincidental but nice to bond over that LOL). He was very open and honest and also told me that he is still living with her at this point (it’s not easy to find a new place in the capital of our country). What I noticed is that this man was very honest, for example, he shared that he had a STD and that he has kissed guys (which could definitely be a dealbreaker for some girls). While it was clear that he was looking for casual, I did notice that after a short while he would text me at 7am when he woke up, and he literally talk the whole day. Also when he was working he would text me all the time. I started really liking him.
We had a strong attraction, and I was the one making very flirty and sexual comments. We would tease each other and couldn’t wait till the moment that we could meet up and have sex. After talking 24/7 for 3 weeks, we had our first date. We very both very nervous, and I remember him saying that he normally doesn’t get nervous so that this was weird for him. I sometimes did get the feeling that he started to like me a little more than only for casual. The date went great, and I think we really hit it off. We just talked for hours about our life and interests. We went from bar to bar just talking, and I remember saying that I had to leave at a certain point because I paid for my parking until a specific time. It was just a 10 minute walk. What made me certain that he liked me enough for a second date is when he offered to just keep talking, and that he would pay for my fine (100$) when I got one. He has a good job (he's a therapist) so definitely has a good income but that amount of money is also a lot for him. Of course I declined LOL but I remember being flattered.
The day after I remember saying that he decided after the date to only focus on me, and that he would like it if I did the same. He also said that he was a “one girl kind of guy”. On the first date he also made me promise jokingly, yet serious, to at least go on 5 dates with each other. At tis point, it was clear that we found each other very attractive and that we really want to sleep with each other. Date two was also a lot of fun and at this point I really started to like him. The day after, he asked me for a third date. We kept taking initiative with conversations all the time. It would be very flirty and sexual sometimes, but also about anything and everything. I remember that sometimes I would try to be very flirty and he would direct the conversation to other stuff (like family), which was interesting to me, but I think he just really liked me. I am very cautious, and am really scared of the dating scene especially hearing all the ghosting, manipulating, whatever shit that happened to people around me so I was really analyzing anything and everything he was saying but there did not seem to be any red flags. My friends and older sister were sure he was falling in love with me based on the information I shared.
One night we were on the phone and I remember him hanging up suddenly when his ex entered their home. He already told me that he would have to end the conversation if this happened. After the conversation I remember him being kind of scared that I was annoyed that his ex is affecting our situation, but I explained that I understand and think it’s very respectful that he’s not rubbing it in her face that he’s talking to someone new. The day after he shared that he realized he wants to really physically separate with this ex, and that he initiated a conversation about one of them moving out. I remember being like: oh he really likes me since little situation made him take action.
Throughout all of this, I would sometimes joke and make non-casual comments, in the beginning he was clear that he was not ready for that. After a while I remember him saying that these jokes were not scaring him (anymore). At this point I really liked him, and wasn’t sure if I was going to be happy with only being casual, and we had multiple conversations about this. The conversations went from ‘I really only can do casual at this point so if we’re not at the same page, we need to be clear and end it so no one gets hurt’ to ‘I wanted casual but at this point I am not sure, I really like you and I think it’s likely that I would want a serious relationship with you’. He was very clear and open about the fact that he was confused and was trying to figure out what he really wanted. A very important note: I noticed from the beginning on that this is a very conscientious, analytical person that thinks things through. From the beginning, I was also very clear that I could develop feelings, and that if I did and wanted more, that I would really like it if he would respect me enough to tell if he wasn’t in that place. He promised he would be honest. At this point there was no indication that he was dishonest about anything so I tried to just trust him on this.
I think at this point we’ve been talking for 3 weeks, and of course, I start to really like him. To me, it’s clear that he really likes me too. We did not have sex at this point. I started to catch feelings and asked him how to prevent falling in love. He responded that he had the same, and that at this point he is not even sure that this something he wants to prevent anymore. However, he was still reflecting on this situation and honestly it would be kind of weird to rush into a new relationship after being involved with someone else for so long, he was also living with her, and we do not live near each other so the situation was not in our favor.
Note: at this point we did not have sex yet. The sexual connection was definitely there though, and it was clear for both of us that on date 3 we would have sex.
One night, he had a party that he was really looking forward to. The day after he called me and kind of broke things off with me. He explained that this party made him realize that being single/having freedom is what he wants at this point. He was honest about finding other women attractive at this party (he volunteered the information that he did not find the girls more attractive than me), and that he did not flirt with them because we were talking, but that he would’ve liked that and would’ve liked to just have fun without the commitment. He said that he really liked me, and that if he kept talking to me and if we would continue to meet up, he was sure that he would fall in love and that he is just not ready for that at this point. He shared that he only wants to get in a relationship if he thinks he can give himself fully, and that at this point he’s just not there yet. During this conversation, he realized that this situation also happened with his ex that we dating for 5 years: they really liked each other, but he didn’t feel like he could give his all to her, so he didn’t commit. However, they still kept in contact (studying the same thing), couldn’t really keep away from each other and still had sex. This continued for a while until he felt ready to give himself fully, and that’s when they got official. I asked him if he also sees that happening with me, he said he did but that he couldn’t promise that 100%. I thanked him for his honesty, but couldn’t understand: all the signals were there that he really liked me and was very invested. I also told him that I was afraid I was being naïve to believe what he was saying, as I heard this exact situation happen to every girl ever (the bullshit cliches like “you deserve better”, “I need to work on myself”) and that it didn’t make sense what he was saying like: “I like you. I like you so much that if we would keep meeting, I will fall in love. Therefore, let’s stop talking.” However, at the same time I felt like I could trust him, based on the fact that he cut if off BEFORE we had sex. He literally could’ve waited another five days, had sex with me, and then cut if off. But at this point he didn’t get any.
This guy is not a fuckboy, I am sure of that. I have a specific type. He is the exact type like my ex, there is no fuckboy bone in their body.
We ended it. I let him know that he could contact me whenever he is ready for something serious, but that I would also keep dating and go on with my life.
My question to you guys is:
· Am I delusional, and is this quite literally every situation ever and does it come down to “I am not ready to a relationship… WITH YOU” or does it make sense what he’s saying? I just don’t understand letting someone go you like so much, think is so beautiful and interesting. It just does not make sense. However, at the same time, everything that he is and said did indicate that he really values “doing the right thing” and is really strict on himself. Is he just such a good, stand-up guy that he’s willing to let me go, or at least let the possibility for sex go, because he “knows he can’t give himself fully” and that he won’t get in a serious relationship if this is the case because he would lose respect for himself, and also doesn’t want me to accept any less than 100%.
(Last point: I considered the possibility that he just lost interest after date 2. He ended it 6 days after the second date. However, I don’t think this is likely: he asked for a third date the day after, and would jokingly remind me of the 5-date-promise, he “offered” to go to a concert with me of someone that he is not as big as a fan of which would cost him a lot of money, nothing in our conversations changed. Nothing gave off that he was less interested.)
TL;DR Met a guy on a dating app who initially wanted something casual. Despite living with his ex and admitting to not being ready for a serious relationship, we connected deeply. He was very open and honest, shared personal details early on, and our communication was intense and constant. After a few great dates, he seemed to start considering a more serious relationship with me. However, after a party, he realized he wasn’t ready to commit and broke things off, saying he feared falling in love because he couldn’t give himself fully yet. He was honest and ended things respectfully before we became more involved. I’m left wondering if this situation is a typical "it’s not you, it’s me" scenario or if he genuinely needs more time, as he stated. Is it delusional to think he might come around, or did his actions show genuine integrity and self-awareness?

I don’t exactly know if this is the place to ask, but I really need advice or clarity and the situation touches on themes related to the sub. I’m not Karma farming I very much need advice on what to do
I’d say I have a strong moral compass.
I’m 21 and for most of my life I was kinda a teachers pet, goodie two shoes, Boy Scout etc.
And even now in all aspects of my life I normally am, I always hold doors, put my cart away, straighten shelf’s when I put something back.
Not that I don’t have a rebel or mean or lazy side but
I’m also rose tinted glasses and I’m told by everyone I’m too nice.
After a year of therapy and self reflection I’ve come to the realization that when I do genuine kind things I do them out of genuine kindness but a layer deeper it’s also cause I wanna be loved and liked.
When I feel I don’t meet up to my standards I feel really guilty or anxious even when things are out of my control
Like the one relationship I’ve had she broke up with me and it was fine no fights, but for months I was stirken with guilt cause her grandma who she lives with is a complete cunt
Like I don’t think I saw the worst of it but grandma was killing my exes self esteem the grandmother liked me better than her granddaughter it was night and day.
I felt guilty cause even though we broke up I knew that I brought her some light into her life. We had dreams of getting her out of that house and for us to have a loving home for eachother and some animals.
I’m over that guilt but I feel hints of it with what’s going on now .
So more exposition, as much as I have worked on myself physically and mentally the one thing I still struggle with is relationships
Both platonic and romantic
I’m single I got a couple of good friends I don’t see often but hoping to change that
But I’m super grateful for the people in my life, maybe to much, I over gift I over thank,
I get attached to folk who are nice to me real easy
And especially with woman and I’m not blaming them
I have a horrible tendency to succumb to limerence and putting them on a pedestal.
I think I might be a love junkie or something which is kinda weird since I’ve only ever dated once. I never even been on a traditional date.
The definite thing though is I’m very very lonely
But now to the current situation
I went onto forever alone dating. Messaged a few people a month ago.
One of these woman is 23 from Italy and we talked on an off then just periods of radio silence
She found someone in Italy while we talked
Which was fine, I was just glad to have the opportunity to speak with someone from Italy, it’s on my bucket list the visit I love the food, culture and history.
But the other day, I messaged just checking in looking for conversation
She said she wasn’t doing well and suggested to read her latest post
In summary, that guy she met they planned to both move to America, but he just abandoned her and now she’s homeless and shunned by her family. plus he was a physically abusive piece of shit I won’t even call him a man he’s a fucking animal she showed me scars and bruises
She’s still in Italy
I genuinely felt bad and was just there to help her vent and process this.
I offered to send her a lil money, to help her get a lil food and water.
And she proved she was real it wasn’t a scam, I sent 30 bucks
She’s very grateful
I do genuinely believe that true acts of kindness inspire others
But now that we are talking even more and we’ve both seen what we look like and sound like.
I can feel my stupid dumbass part of my brain leaking this very dumb thought of
“Maybe there is a chance”
I feel so scummy and I keep trying to fight it off
I know I shouldn’t do anything especially now she just escaped that monster and she’s out in the streets.
She just seems so vulnerable and lost and scared and I wanna help.
But now I’m so confused why I’m doing this should I be doing this.
Am I doing this out of genuine kindness
Or am I falling into nice guy, white knight , simp type shit.
I feel like I’m mostly doing the right thing for the right reason, which is she needs help and someone to talk to.
I really don’t expect anything out of her.
But I can feel my dumbass getting infatuated and I feel calling myself a dumbass is appropriate cause I do this to myself
I just I’m gonna keep helping her within my means nothing drastic.

i might be late to talk about this drama but once i was reading the cast had xu kai and yang zi, i decided to go for it without stopping to watch the trailers or comments since I started to watch after a month of being aired, I absolutely hated the show there’s no romance at all, the first probably 18 episodes Xu Kai had just a few minutes on the screen and the FL’s mom was appearing in the whole episode, probably there was one she wasn’t in it, and it was more like a drama, I had to endure watching the drama even skipping some parts and episodes because the mom, seriously if you have the opportunity to skip the drama, go for it! I decided to go first to comment section and see what others are commenting about it because it felt like it was a chinese propaganda to respect your elders no matter if they’re shitty parents who refuse to change for better and who need to be the center of the universe.

Need help figuring out a career
Hi everyone. I graduated with my bachelors in biology in 2023 I’m currently 22 years old, almost 23, and been out of school for the last year while trying to figure out my life post graduation. I originally went to school in the hopes of becoming a doctor and going to medical school, then switched to pre-PA from a combination of the intimidation of debt/4 years of more school and years of residency. But while getting my patient care experience after graduation (required to apply to PA school) I realized I hated the office setting and patient interaction. I’ve since been working in retail while trying to figure out life.
Recently I interviewed for a 1 year MRI tech program (because I don’t have to deal with patients as much and my interests in physics and imaging) and got accepted to start next fall. However I did have to register at my local community college this summer for some pre-requesite classes which start in a week. Today I was going through some of the things I need before starting the course and the same uncertainty I felt with going to medical school my senior year have started to set in now that I have to come to terms with reality again and deal with this. Looking over all the course material and syllabus was daunting and made me realize maybe I wasn’t as ready as I thought in making this decision — I still don’t even think I actually wanted to do the MRI program at all I just felt forced to do something with the degree I felt I wasted 4 years getting. But I have no motivation or interest to start these summer courses (similar to how I felt I had the potential to excel in med school but just lacked the motivation and true passion that would’ve made it a long 4 years) and I feel it’s a warning sign rather than what some may think is me being scared of a challenge (I’m definitely not I was in honors in college and graduated with a 3.96 GPA highest in my program). I also just had 2 more surgeries (for a total of 7 in my lifetime) and each has done the opposite for me opposed to others — instead of enforcing interest in medicine I’ve become so agitated by it.
At this point I don’t know if I should continue with the program and summer courses and see how i feel as it goes or back out now and take more time to figure out my life. I’m definitely an over thinker but if I can get the few grand I already paid in tuition back for a full refund it may be worth it to take the extra time to decide. Only reason I’m hesitant about it is I actually have been finding a real interest lately in going to pharmacy school where I would need these pre requisites also, but again I’m intimidated by that kind of toxic culture where students are overworked and abused and I’m burnt out of the idea having to study 12 hours a day (obviously the only careers I seem to have considered are science/healthcare because all I was good at in school and had some interest in was science and maybe that’s my problem trying to force my hand into a “respectable career” — also yes I have considered research and it’s not for me I didn’t enjoy the research process in college during my honors thesis).
All I know is I have the capability to succeed in anything I do it’s just figuring out what that is for me. All that matters to me at the end of the day is I would like to have a good work life balance and make a decent amount of money but not to live luxuries more because I’m very much a family man and would like to support my own one day to have a comfortable life and go on vacations and stuff I never was able to as a kid. I’m a bit of an introvert but can also be very social, but I don’t enjoy dealing with complex personalities that I’ve learned in my patient care and retail experiences so something like management and HR wouldn’t work for me. Another thing I’ve been thinking is even if I might enjoy something like accounting if I don’t want to go to 4 years more of med school I probably don’t want to spend 4 more years pursuing another bachelors and MBA… I’m not a very creative person either so I don’t think something like engineering architecture of entrepreneurship would benefit me. Something I was once considering bc it was suggested to me was becoming a chef but 1) even though I enjoy cooking I enjoy like making dinner for myself I don’t think I would enjoy the professional kitchen environment and 2) my cousin went to culinary school and basically for the same reasons ended up doing nothing with it and now has some social services government pension job. Speaking of pension jobs I considered teaching and police which is the career of choice for my aunts and uncles, but I couldn’t personally handle teaching because of the kids crazy parents and restricting curriculums and i can’t be a cop where I live because I’m colorblind and honestly think I wouldn’t be taken seriously as one. One thing I would’ve loved to do is commercial real estate I’ve talked about it a lot as a possibility one day with my best friend but the problem is I have no idea on getting started with that without needing the capital.
I know this is very long but thank you for reading all this and any help would be greatly appreciated. I’m physically exhausted and drained from feeling confused and a loser for having no direction.

I would like to start this off by saying I'm sorry; this is a long one, and I appreciate any advice or help I can get. Also, to anyone willing to read this, thank you so much! I'm currently looking for a new job but having no luck, so I'm trying to also improve my current situation as much as I can.
I’m 28 and work in California for a school district in IT, and I love IT. The only problem is my boss. I've worked this job for almost 5 years now, and he has been the boss at this school district for almost 10 years. He's really good at the IT side of his job, but as a manager, not so much. He likes to call his employees morons, yell at and reprimand employees in front of coworkers. He's now caused several employees to quit or seek therapy (including myself). One time, I was sitting in my office working on a project, and he yelled across the office, "Gojo, get your ass in here," for the whole office to hear, and then proceeded to chew me out with the office door open and the entire office listening. He believes fear is a good management tool, which isn't really my style. His current thing to do is trying to pit us against each other and talk trash about other employees when they aren’t around. He micro manages everything you do and calls you stupid if you aren’t doing something exactly the way he wants you to. If there is a way you can save literally TWO seconds on a task and you aren’t doing it that way, he gets upset. After he does all of that, then he tries to be nice and talk about video games with you or buy the office food or let people go home 20 minutes early, but then it’s right back to the usual harassment.
Almost a year ago, I interviewed for and got the open Tech II position, promoted from Tech I. At the time, I was interested because I would learn a lot of things that would help me get different jobs, and it was a little more money. I regretted this promotion really early on. I dread coming to work and several times almost quit on the spot with no job lined up. Therapy has helped a lot with these emotions.
Outside of my boss being terrible, he also piles on work and gives the line, "You’re a Tech II now; you should be able to do all of this," or "You’re a Tech II; you have to figure out how to balance all the work." Currently, I’m balancing 12 projects, providing tech support for our district office, working as an escalation point for our Tech I’s(we have 4 soon to be 6 and they support 15 schools), and assisting our network admin with his projects. While I’m trying to do all that, my boss is also yelling from across the hall, adding more tasks that he needs me to work on and needs to be done that day. As a Tech I, your main task was working on help tickets for about 3 schools, and then during the summer, you helped with some projects. This promotion got me a whole $2 an hour increase in pay.
I am currently working on getting a new job. I’m applying for city, county, and state IT positions, but they take months before they even start interviewing for those positions, and the entire process is taking a long time. In the meantime, I’m reaching out to my union to see if I’m able to demote back down to Tech I. That doesn’t help with the boss situation, but it does help with the lack of compensation for all the extra work.
As far as my boss goes, I want to report him to HR, but I have no physical evidence, and most of my coworkers are afraid. I’m starting to document in my notes every time he is inappropriate, the date and time of that incident, and who was a witness. He’s pretty smart about how he does everything, nothing in writing, no emails, or texts. If I do report him, it has to be enough to actually get him fired. I’ve been told teachers have reported him to HR in the past, then HR has told his boss, and then his boss tells him about who reported him, and nothing has ever come out of it. He likes to hire people new to the industry or really young people so they are less likely to push back at him or are too intimidated to report him. He has bragged to us several times about how if he ever did get fired he’s taking people down with him because he knows all the districts dirty secrets.
How can I legally obtain evidence of his abuse? What should I know about reporting bosses to HR? I don’t know what to do anymore. I really appreciate anyone who took the time to read through this. I have plenty more examples of his abuse if anyone needs more, this was already a really long post so I didn't want to add more.
TL:DR My boss is abusive and has made several people quiet. I’m being overworked and not being equally compensated. How do I Get him fired?

I’d say I have a strong moral compass.
I’m 21 and for most of my life I was kinda a teachers pet, goodie two shoes, Boy Scout etc.
And even now in all aspects of my life I normally am, I always hold doors, put my cart away, straighten shelf’s when I put something back.
Not that I don’t have a rebel or mean or lazy side but
I’m also rose tinted glasses and I’m told by everyone I’m too nice.
After a year of therapy and self reflection I’ve come to the realization that when I do genuine kind things I do them out of genuine kindness but a layer deeper it’s also cause I wanna be loved and liked.
When I feel I don’t meet up to my standards I feel really guilty or anxious even when things are out of my control
Like the one relationship I’ve had she broke up with me and it was fine no fights, but for months I was stirken with guilt cause her grandma who she lives with is a complete cunt
Like I don’t think I saw the worst of it but grandma was killing my exes self esteem the grandmother liked me better than her granddaughter it was night and day.
I felt guilty cause even though we broke up I knew that I brought her some light into her life. We had dreams of getting her out of that house and for us to have a loving home for eachother and some animals.
I’m over that guilt but I feel hints of it with what’s going on now .
So more exposition, as much as I have worked on myself physically and mentally the one thing I still struggle with is relationships
Both platonic and romantic
I’m single I got a couple of good friends I don’t see often but hoping to change that
But I’m super grateful for the people in my life, maybe to much, I over gift I over thank,
I get attached to folk who are nice to me real easy
And especially with woman and I’m not blaming them
I have a horrible tendency to succumb to limerence and putting them on a pedestal.
I think I might be a love junkie or something which is kinda weird since I’ve only ever dated once. I never even been on a traditional date.
The definite thing though is I’m very very lonely
But now to the current situation
I went onto forever alone dating. Messaged a few people a month ago.
One of these woman is 23 from Italy and we talked on an off then just periods of radio silence
She found someone in Italy while we talked
Which was fine, I was just glad to have the opportunity to speak with someone from Italy, it’s on my bucket list the visit I love the food, culture and history.
But the other day, I messaged just checking in looking for conversation
She said she wasn’t doing well and suggested to read her latest post
In summary, that guy she met they planned to both move to America, but he just abandoned her and now she’s homeless and shunned by her family. plus he was a physically abusive piece of shit I won’t even call him a man he’s a fucking animal she showed me scars and bruises
She’s still in Italy
I genuinely felt bad and was just there to help her vent and process this.
I offered to send her a lil money, to help her get a lil food and water.
And she proved she was real it wasn’t a scam, I sent 30 bucks
She’s very grateful
I do genuinely believe that true acts of kindness inspire others
But now that we are talking even more and we’ve both seen what we look like and sound like.
I can feel my stupid dumbass part of my brain leaking this very dumb thought of
“Maybe there is a chance”
I feel so scummy and I keep trying to fight it off
I know I shouldn’t do anything especially now she just escaped that monster and she’s out in the streets.
She just seems so vulnerable and lost and scared and I wanna help.
But now I’m so confused why I’m doing this should I be doing this.
Am I doing this out of genuine kindness
Or am I falling into nice guy, white knight , simp type shit.
I feel like I’m mostly doing the right thing for the right reason, which is she needs help and someone to talk to.
I really don’t expect anything out of her.
But I can feel my dumbass getting infatuated and I feel calling myself a dumbass is appropriate cause I do this to myself
I just I’m gonna keep helping her within my means nothing drastic.