College graduate survival kit gift

My orientation is in 3 days. What should I bring? Someone told me I have to bring in my official transcript from this past school year but they haven’t been posted yet school barely ended last Friday. (I’m a transfer student from community college that just graduated with my AA)

Currently a final year optometry student looking to take advantage of my student discount before i graduate and get some optometry equipment.
Currently in the summer ill be based in Wisconsin. Is there any optometry equipment providers there or any recommendation for online suppliers that ship easily within the US.
Also looking fkr recommendations on what to buy currently I own a retinoscope, ophthalmoscope, volk lens, trial lens kit.

context: graduated with an art history degree in 2017, from a college with a pretty good reputation in the field. during undergrad, worked some local internships.
in 2018, i had a seasonal internship at a major museum, and then worked as a gallery assistant at a small gallery for the latter half of the year, both in NY.
in 2019 i moved states, to a place without much of an “art scene” (at least by NY standards) but i did manage to get an “art job”, which i stayed at until 2021 when the company folded. no name recognition, but i would say my duties there were auction house-adjacent.
in 2022, i moved back to NY, got a full-time 9-5 job as a copyeditor (not in a glamorous industry), and started grad school for art history (part time). i should be done fall 2025.
i’ve been reticent to apply to many art jobs (museums, galleries, artist foundations, and nonprofit orgs) because it would be a huge pay cut but i’m finally in a financial place where i can. i’ve had zero responses though, even for like, internships paying $16/hr. i know this isn’t unusual, but i swear that in 2018 i would at least get some initial responses from similar jobs.
i worry that my current job is working against me because it’s not “relevant”, even though some of the skills overlap with the jobs i’m applying for.
should i leave it off my resume? not mention it at all in my cover letters? as it is, i keep the description very brief and emphasize the skills that are relevant. i’m worried that a 3-year employment gap could also work against me.
in theory, i’m not above working my way back up from minimum wage part-time internships and the like. i’ve done it before and got by supplementing with hospitality jobs. but i’m approaching 30, need health insurance, and don’t know how many more years of working 6-7 days a week i have in me.

I'm not from the United States but I feel like the holidays are over. Now is the time to graduate. Shouldn't Ariana be in college? I'm starting to believe that maybe she's coming back from Alabama.
Tell me if it's a vacation or if she's just missing classes or maybe dropped out

Hey! My artist name is J Fresca. One part of the industry that I don’t think gets talked about on here is the songwriting side. I’ve been writing bars for a while and am currently an English major in college looking to potentially get into hip-hop songwriting post graduation. If any of you want help writing to a beat or refining a specific verse feel free to shoot me a message or leave a comment down below. I’m trying to break into the industry at the time being so I’m willing to work on a first track for free and then we can talk rates if you all find it beneficial. I don’t any released work at the moment but I have some demos in the vault I can share if you all are interested. Just message me to hear them since they may end up on a tape at some point so I’m keeping them unreleased for now. HMU if you have any questions.

I apologize for this being long, but I badly need some advice. For context, I just recently graduated nursing school, and in the past two years (on and off), I had a crush on this guy in my class. We never had a conversation, but we have mutual friends.
I was invited to a graduation party the day after graduation, and he was there. The party started off with everyone eating and getting to know each other. I made some small talk with him along with other people. Then, we get to drinking. He and I talked about our culture (we’re both of the same ethnicity) and our trips to our country. He also shared some pictures about stuff that happened during his trips.
Our friends began to sing karaoke in the living room and were taking turns. They all teased me to go up and sing, him included. I can hear him saying, “Go up there!” I made a comment about how terrible I am at singing, and he goes “Have you been listening to me?”
We then got to drinking some more. My friend brought in jack and coke and was preparing it with my crush. I told them I never drank that before, and he gave me his drink to try (which he took a sip out of already, and I, of course, drank it after he offered lmao). When my friend brought in more drinks, he gave me some more pointers with drinking.
We decided to take some pictures, and he laughed at me when I wanted to retake them (he has also laughed at me some throughout the night about some stuff I said and did). He asked for my socials, which I said I did not have, but I got his number instead so that he can send the photos.
We got to drinking some more, and I felt bold enough to converse with him alone. It was a good conversation about our futures and plans post college. Throughout the conversation, it felt a bit more than friendly, a slightly flirtatious tone, and we were smiling at each other a lot. Towards the end of the night, he sang more karaoke, and we made some passing comments until he left.
There are some reasons as to why I am being hesitant to send him a text. For one, I found out from him that he is traveling to our home country in July and moving out to go into the navy in either August/September. He will be interning at a hospital that I will also be working at until he leaves (different departments though). That will leave little time for a relationship, but I am open to short term. Second, a couple of my friends, he and I were talking about our types, and he says that he tends to go for a particular race (not ours) but is open to all types. I said that my type is guys in our racial group. In our little one to one conversation, he brings up how there is a city here in America that has a lot of people of our racial group and that I should consider looking into that city. In my head, I’m like I want you though lol.
So, with all this said, should I still send him a text? If or when I text him, I plan to start out subtle first, like asking him about orientation at the hospital or something? Or should I just let this all go and move on with my life?
TLDR: I talked to my crush for the first time at a graduation party, and we had good conversations throughout. He is traveling in July and plans to move out of our home town in August/September. I am unsure if I should still send him a text.

Hello po, I need honest opinions po tungkol sa plano ko. Isa po akong graduating student ng SHS STEM strand. If may plans ba po ako mag migrate sa ibang bansa, would it be easier to get a job there if doon ako mismo nag school or okay na ba po na mag school ako dito then mag work doon?
I've talked to an agency for moving to Canada po kasi, and l've come to the conclusion na mas okay po nung option na mag undergrad diploma course muna ako doon (which will likely take two years), since mas mura muna siya. Then pwede rin po habang nag aaral ako nag papart time job para hindi na rin masyadong magastusan sa living expenses ang magulang ko (sila po kasi mostly mag fufund). Then they will give me a work permit applicable for 3 years after getting my diploma, where I'll be able to apply for permanent residency dahil sabi nila mas mapapamura na po ako ng tuition that way sa kukunin kong course na may degree na po + makaka ipon pa. Hopefully ma-credit rin po nung diploma ko for the course that I will be taking.
Ang problema po kasi is gusto ko po ngayon na year na ako mag start and sobrang mahal ng initial na gastusin compared sa pag aaral dito sa Pilipinas.
Or mag college nalang po ako muna dito sa Pilipinas? Then move once I graduate? Natatakot po kasi ako na baka pag dating ko sa ibang bansa di nila masyado ma acknowledge ang degree na makukuha ko po dito sa pinas.
Ang iniisip ko rin po kasi hindi na masyadong nagkakaiba ang gastusin dahil galing po akong province and mag cocollege po ako sa University sa Manila. So mapaparami pa rin po ang gastusin namin (tuition, living expenses, tood, ect.).
Gusto ko po kasi kunin na course is either BS Pharmacy, BS Biomedical Engineering, Veterinary Medicine, or Dentistry (Dental Medicine).
And kung mag undergrad diploma course pa po ako, ang pinaka alam ko po, as of now, na pwede kong kunin is Pharmacy Technician. May iba pa ba po kaya na Undergrad diploma course na pwede macredit sa pag kuha ko ng degree courses later on? Kinoconsider ko rin po kasi nung diploma course na mas in demand at mas makakatulong saakin makahanap ng trabaho bago ako mag degree course.
Ano po satingin niyo ang pinaka okay na option?
Sorry po sa long post haha

Kaya ba mag move on ng fully kung first love mo? Di ko alam saan magsstart sa kwento ko. Minsan hate ko siya pero minsan miss ko rin siya. Miss ko lang yung time na nakalimutan ko siya pero life really has its ways.
We were childhood friends. Nagkakilala kami ni “Justin” nung preschool palang. Tapos nagkacrush ako sa kanya noong elementary. Of course yung sa puppy love, kilig kilig. Noong nag highschool kami, magka-iba ma kami ng school. We lost touch for a while pero since we had a similar circle of childhood friends we started talking again nung mga 3rd year na kami. Yun we clicked. Exact same footing nung bata pa kami. We talked everyday before going to school and falling asleep. Nagkakamustahan tungkol sa friends at family pati na rin sa mga school work. Minsan din we help each other to answer our homework. Feel ko I really fell for him at 15. He seemed so perfect to me. He understood me and my silences. Parang I didn’t have to explain my soul to him because he just got it. We never went out together na kami lang pag weekends kasi admittedly I felt like hindi ko kaya so lagi akong tumatanggi. As in parang nagrarambol yung mga butterflies sa tiyan ko when im around him. Somehow, parang yung common sense ko nawawala. Lahat pinagusapan namin hanggang sa future and mga trips for summer kahit wala naman kami label. Di ko rin alam if he felt the same way kasi never naman din kami nagshare ng feelings namin na ganon sa isat isa. Oo, bobita talaga. We went on like this until 4th year na kami. Nung prom ko, I brought one of my best friends as my dates kasi nag promise kami nung bata pa kami na kami mag kasama sa prom. I didn’t think of it much kasi Justin naman din told me he and his friends were planning to fly out for a grad trip around that time so I thought wala ding point if I asked him to go with me to prom. The night of prom sinabi ng friend niya na he kind of thought I’d ask him to prom. Shucks di ko alam pano magreact so kinalimutan ko nalang. Ayun so parang medyo nag on-off na contact namin. When we reached the last half of 12th grade, we went back to where we left off pero deep inside alam ko na I shouldn’t make anything of this anymore. His friends would tease me about him when I’d pass them in the hallway. Tapos when I bumped into his bestfriend on a night out, tinanong niya kung ano kami ni Justin. Wala akong masagot so tumawa nalang ako at sinabi friends lang. One time nagkasama lahat kami ng mga friends namin from elementary for inuman, and that night he stuck close to me. Always walking right behind me kahit na nagpapaiwan ako from the group kasi ayaw kong makasama siya na kami lang. The whole time he was asking me about the guys I’ve talked to/dated in the past years. Our group was bar hopping and just so happens na madami akong friends na lumabas that night. So naghhi hello ako and he’d just stand right behind me. He asked me how I knew most of the boys. Tapos sabi oh friend of friends lang ganon. Actually that night talaga sobrang nagccringe ako sa sarili ko kasi in one of the bars we went to he asked me to cover his part eh I didn’t want to interact with him so much so I nodded my head and paid nalang. We went to another bar naman Tapos he sat beside me. I felt so uncomfortable kasi parang di na gagana utak ko kung magkatabi kami at padami na yung na iinom. Yun umuwi ako with a friend and the night ended at that. I told myself na dapat i-let go ko na yun kasi wala naman din mangyayari at nagiging bobo lang ako. So i started replying slower and slower till di na kami nag kausap ulit. Tapos nung mga last few weeks ng grade 12 nilapitan ako ng kabarkada niya tinanong niya yung nag-uusap ba daw kami ni Justin, bat daw di kami magtry, cute naman daw kami together, bigay niya daw number ni Justin sakin para magkausap kami ulit. Tumawa nalang ako at sinabi na wala friends lang naman din kami. Yun so it’s water under the bridge na. I went to college abroad and I left right after I graduated hs. While I was settling down in a new place, tinawagan ako ng bestfriend ko. Pagkatingin ko ng mukha sa screen si Justin pala. Tinanong niya kumusta ko at dahil emotional ako at mag-isa sa ibang bansa sabi ko wag na tayo mag usap kasi alam ko may kausap or girlfriend ka na ganon. Sabi niya no wala pero yun din a week later nagpost siya na sila na ng kinakausap niya. Ok lang naman strong naman po ako. So kinalimutan ko na siya tapos masaya na ako. A few times lang rin during college nag dm siya sakin asking if may bf ako ganon pero yun lang. Fast forward graduate na kami lahat ng college so lahat kami sa batch namin nag uwian sa hometown to catch up. Di kami nag pansinan buong night. Nilapitan niya nalang ako nung may mga kumakausap sakin na mga lalaki. Nainis ako dahil di ako makalandi well since lagi siya nangingistorbo tapos paulit ulit niya ako kinakamusta na parang gago. Alam ko wala naman siyang feelings sakin, lintik lang talaga minsan. May common friend kami na girl tapos sila yung magkasama at nagsasayawan the whole night except nung times na nagpapapansin siya. Yun lang after nalaman ko may nangyari pala between them dati. Gusto kong sabihin na wala akong pake at all pero sa totoo may konting pag-irap ng mata kasi close kami dati ng ate gorl mo. Yun pa sinabihan niya ako that night na gago si guy and all that bago kami pumunta sa inuman. Recently, pumunta sa current city ko yung close friend niya na guy na ka close ko rin. We met up a few times as friends. Yun lang after ng first meeting namin na stinory ng guy friend, lagi na siya nanonood and like sa mga story ko. Ginagago niya ba ako? Or gusto niya lang lagi akong maiinis sa kanya?
TLDR: bobo ako at minsan miss ko pa rin siya

Basically title. Whenever I open linkedin, some sde from FAANG is sharing notes on how to crack interviews. Some recent graduate, looking like a tard, working at one of the above company is telling people to book 1:1 call on t*pmate. Someone from IIT is making the worst humour joke of all, and then writing in their bio "Humour and Code".
And the worst of them all. Some girls will literally show their skinny legs or wear highly exposing dresses by attaching images, and then tell their preparation journey of DSA and in the end will again beg for following them.
I mean, isn't the money they are making enough or are they too much attention seeker. And most of these people are young ones, in the age group of 21-35. I sometimes find it cringe.
I wanted to ask you guys also, like what do you feel like when you see someone from your college, whom you knew very closely, does these kind of things on linkedin. Do you also feel it cringe?
Are these people really that much free that they have time for getting into video call with someone. Or are the companies not giving them enough work, because they are planning to lay them off👀.

I could really use some similar stories right now. I’m at such a weird point in my life and I hate it.
I (18F) was diagnosed in Oct.2023. To sum it up as quick as I can, from March-September 2023 my health very quickly started to plummet. There were symptoms I had before then but my doctor thought nothing of it and continually pushed me off (ofc) it wasn’t until I got a new PCP, and my symptoms worsened tremendously that I got the attention I needed. I was completely bedridden for almost all of august, (had my incredibly sad graduation party on august 2nd, during which I had to stay sat on a park bench for the entirety of it because of how sick I felt, and everyone was excusing it for “college stress” and I would hide in the bathroom crying). That was the last time I left my house. From then through all of September and October, I couldn’t leave my bed and was living to and from the bathroom and my bedroom. (Expect for appointments which I very slowly had to painfully wobble myself to the car) finally got in with the GI; got the diagnosis, started treatment (started on Humira) and have been slowly uphill from then. Some good things did happen, I saw family across the country in December which was amazing.. but ever since I got to a manageable level of feeling okay, I hit such a wall. I’ve lost a lot of relationships that I can’t get back. Friends from high school I promised to stay in contact with, and my girlfriend (whom we mutually ended the relationship) because who wants to date someone who’s sick all of time? In December, taking my injections started getting really difficult and I began to have bad reactions to the injection site. (Surprise surprise the meds aren’t working). Had my second scope just a couple weeks ago and it’s still extremely inflamed so I’m on steroids again, and will be trying a new med soon. I just don’t know what to do with myself. I’m only 18, I “have so much ahead of me” but I’m so depressed and anxious all the time. My PCP wants me to try a new antidepressant again (I tried lexapro awhile ago but it wasn’t working so I stopped) I haven’t had any interest in starting any again because it just feels like one more thing I have to medicate and one more thing my body is failing to do correctly. So I’m sitting at the “well.. it’s severe but you’re managing” conversation I had with my PCP about it and my attitude is, I DO have a choice in medicating for my anxiety, I don’t have a choice for medicating my Crohn’s.
I don’t know guys I just want to be healthy, I want to be happy, I want to meet people again and see friends again. I wanna go to school and travel, I wanna do all the things I’m supposed to be doing now. But I’m not. I’m living at home, working part time down the street, miserable. I wanna leave so bad but all my doctors are here and no choice I put on the table seems realistic or appealing. I feel so “unwell”. My pain is up and down, but most days there’s not debilitating pain that gets in the way. But the fatigue kills me. And I just feel sick, like I know something’s wrong. I don’t feel right and there’s nothing I can do about it.

For the past four years, I’ve been working and going to college. I had minor aid, but mostly paid for everything myself by working 2-3 jobs. I just graduated this weekend and asked my sister to go. She said “maybe, but i’m busy that day.” I figured she had something important to do so I just let it be. Nope! She was going out with her boyfriend. Then she told someone it was just my associates and it took me along time, it wasn’t anything special. I’m the first in family to graduate college. I worked my ass off to get my degree. I think this might be the thing that makes me cut her off.

Hello, I am one year removed from graduating college and I have gotten a rude awakening from the real world. Nobody cares about my silly piece of paper however they do care about the school I graduated from and the lack of internships(I struggled with grades after COVID-19). Now I work at a bank as a banking analyst which sounds good but is actually not very fulfilling nor does it have growth opportunities in my company. I want to do more hands on excel work and financial modeling but I have no exposure at my workplace. I do some courses on CourseEra and the LinkedIn learning page but they do not seem to interest many recruiters. Has anyone cracked into the financial/data analyst role with little experience coming out of college? How did you do it and what courses/ certifications do you recommend getting?
tl;dr: I did bad in school and barely graduated and now I realize Cs get degrees but not high paying jobs with some sort of fulfillment. Now I am paying the price while my high achieving classmates that worked hard throughout college are starting out strong. How do I get back on track?

(22 year old) Well after a year and a half I finally got an answer to my problems.
In February of 2023 I came down hard on my knee (on hard wood) and couldn’t bend it without pain for about a week or two, and it got better over the months to a point of 0 pain. However, I started running pretty heavy starting in summer of 2023 and realized that there was clearly still a problem because after a couple weeks of heavy runs, once I would get to .75 miles I’d have a throbbing pain when taking a step.
After this, I made an appointment with a sports surgeon in May of 2023 (who actually used to work for NSW) who told me he thought my knee was fine, without ordering an MRI.
Fast forward to about a month ago (May 2024) after never really gaining the full mobility back in my knee and having troubles with tight turns and the inability to fully straighten it, I went to a ortho walk in clinic. She (who was a nurse practitioner) was worried I may have a torn ACL and requested an MRI. Fast forward to today, I just learned that I have a complete torn off ACL (MRI).
Reallly really bummed because I had plans of graduating college and joining the military with hopes of selection at some point down the line. Ended up taking the LSAT, which I crushed, and thought hell, I’ll get a full ride scholarship to law school, get my degree and be 100% healthy, ready to join the military after graduating. Sort of giving myself time to better myself, and earn a degree I can use for the rest of my life at the same time.
Don’t even know what to think at the moment now that it’s confirmed my ACL is torn, after a year of walking/runningish on it. Hoping for some success stories I guess.
Thanks for reading this rumble jumble rant guys.

Hey all, I am about to be a senior graphic design student in undergrad (1 more year left) and I'm trying to figure out what to do after i graduate ... between AI, Canva, and the "side hustle-ification" of graphic design, the current state of the job market is horrifying to me and I find myself going "shit.... why did i do this". I love the design world and how versatile and niche you can get but I'm scared of what the industry is evolving into and worry I wont have any success.
Ive been working part time as a contract designer for 2 years now as my main source of income while in school and thought about aiming for freelance but I know that world is a beast too unless you get lucky and miraculously get big on social media for your work, considering the algorithms make it literally impossible nowadays..
Anyway... here's what I'm thinking for the future:

• Graduate Undergrad
  
• get a graphic design job to gain real world experience for a couple years or so
  
• Go back to school and get my masters in something GD related (assuming $ permits)
  
• Start getting into the world of teaching as a GD Prof at a college
  

I love the idea of being around academia and eventually being in a place where I can be a full time professor and have those resources to pursue my own passion projects in design as well as take on freelance gigs on the side as desired.
Any advice is appreciated!

Hi Community members,
Can some post resources for entry level Machine Learning role, I recently graduated from college and have no interview experience. so it will be really help if anyone can share resources for interview preparation and Interview structure.
At this pace of innovation it's difficult to concentrate on what to learn and what projects to do. so, any pointers on this is highly appreciated.
I hope this thread will help a lot of recently graduated students.
I am in NLP, so the answers might be tailored to it but please free to add all domains if need so that People who are in Computer vision will also be benefited with your insights.
Thanks for your time and efforts.

I recently graduated college and have been applying for jobs/internships in Human Resources for a few months now. I know other folks have been applying for longer, but I just need to rant. I have applied to somewhere around 150 entry level positions at this point with experience from internships. I have had 4 phone screens and four interviews and one where I made it to the final round just to be met with a rejection. It’s honestly so frustrating because I feel like I did all the right things in college leadership experience, part time job, internships and etc. and I feel like none of it matter. I will most likely take a job in retail while I figure things out, but it genuinely makes me wonder what the point of my degree was. Just wanted to rant and see if anyone else feels the same way.

I can see a lot of young distressed people online, I had an AIR of less than 20 and went to NIFT Delhi, and I can tell you that you will be fine. We learnt barely anything and not one person I know who’s graduated from the college works in fashion directly and those who do barely make anything.
You will be fine please don’t kill your self over it there’s a lot more to life than a stupid college. Dm me for any advice and support

Next month will be two years since my boyfriend (22M) and I (22W) broke up. We started dating in 2019, which was the summer before out senior year of highschool. Prior to us dating, I accepted a college offer in Florida and he planned on going to school in our home state in the midwest. Everything was perfect when we were together and we had no problems. It was the healthiest relationship, that made me feel on top of the world. It The first year at college we both would visit at least once a month and everything was normal. Towards the end of our first year in college and seemed to stop caring and trying much less. I was the only one asking to facetime, planning trips to see one another, and virtual dates. He was in aviation school and had to spend a great amount of time with his studies and flying, so I tried to understand that we are both just busy. My sophmore year it gradually started to get worse when I noticed he forgot to buy me anything for Valentines day. All I ever told him was that it didn't matter at all what he got me EVER, I just really appreciate the thought. I even told him I would send him the card and as long as he wrote in it I would love it ( now looking back.. pathetic). After valentines, he said happy birthday on the wrong day and sent me an e-gift card to chipotle to my email. Of course I appreciated anything, but I was sad because I knew once again that he just hadn't cared and forgotten. Fast forward a few months and he was going without talking to me for days. I eventually asked if he didn't want to be together anymore and got a "Thats what its feeling like" so I called it off from there. I discussed with him his lack of effort and he said it was because of the distance. Me personally, I am someone who would rather wait 2 years until we are out of college rather than never see him again,, but that feeling was not mutual We went no contact for months and then ended up seeing each other again. It just really didn't seem like anything changed and I distanced myself. We really didn't talk after that and within a short few months he had a new girlfriend. I was not surprised from this because he had never gone long without being in a relationship and seemed to always be in one since we knew each other from a young age. He was my first boyfriend and first person i had ever had sex with, so I think this has something to do with why I am having a hard time getting over it. When we first broke up I would check his socials all the time and even found he had a new girlfriend from his Venmo account. I couldnt help myself from looking and would make myself feel worse everytime i looked. This last 6 months to a year I have really tried to not look at all his stuff, but I CONSTANTLY have dreams of him. Sometimes more than others, but I would say I at least have one dream every two weeks. This week I have dreamed about him the past three days every time i close my eyes. The dreams range from being happy to sad to angry. Lately they have been happy, but I try hard to differentiate that the dream is really not who he is. He changed over the years we were together, and by the time we were done it just was not the same guy I fell in love with. My issues are the constant dreams reminding me of him and the fact I still feel really crushed over it. I don't understand how he could say he wanted to be with me forever and is my soul mate, and then do that to me. I often question if Love is real lately, and find it hard believing I will ever find a connection like that again. I find it extremely hard to find someone I have feeling for in a romantic way because I refuse to drop my standards and the fish in the sea are seeming a little limited. My question is how can I get over this broken heart? I feel I have done the right things and have not slept around with anyone, went to the gym, started new hobbies, but the aching feeling doesn't go away. It's felt unbearable lately and I feel the similar chest pain as the initial heartbreak. I want to move on and not feel sadness towards this anymore.

So I am quite a homebody. I have never travelled over seas before, but I just graduated college (woohoo!) and have this amazing opportunity to vacation in Europe for 3 whole weeks! We just got here and as excited as I am to be here, I have been in this constant state of mind of “oh my gosh I’m going to be away from home for the next 3 weeks in a foreign country” or “I think this is too long for a vacation” and just over all homesick to the point where I’m nervous I’m not going to enjoy it. Me and my parents are extremely close and so being so far away is just kinda hard. Once I am done with this vacation I move back home indefinitely and get my footing post-college. How do I overcome these feelings of homesickness and just enjoy this trip!
Psa: I know I am kinda a baby about these things and I have always been like this. Be kind ☹️☹️

I have been depressed/ill as long as i can remember, my childhood was crappy but nothing to make anyone shocked or feel much pity. I was smart and had friends but i couldn't get close to anyone. I cant be close with people because i just assume they don't like me and stop talking to them. Im in college and had a job, i went to inpatient recently and decided to not go back to that job because it sucked. I have a dog and my mom and sister love me, i like to read and like plants and kpop, we travel and i have a good extended family, i also have a bike i like to ride. So my life is pretty good in general.
Despite that, i just want to die. I dont find any happiness or joy in living. Things that should make me feel content just dont. I have moments of excitement or happiness but most of the time i just feel dead inside. A lot of days i dont find joy in things im supposed to like and just want to lay in bed. Inpatient was difficult because I missed home but it was great, I felt happy like i think I should feel, I met so many different people and felt like I belonged. I also got put on mood stabilizers that I think really helped. But ever since I got discharged i feel just like before i went in. If i didnt go, I 100% would have killed myself. I attempted suicide before by hanging, but when i dropped, the noose of bed sheets came loose and i fell down after a few seconds. Because of that, I know that I could do it. I felt happy that finally I wouldnt have to live anymore. I finally felt peace the moment I stepped off the cliff. Before inpatient, I ordered rope but I texted my therapist last minute and was taken to the hospital.
Im not scared of dying, the thought of infinite nothing makes me happy. But my mom already lost her parents and is sensitive, my sister and I are her world, she told me she couldnt survive without me. It was hard on her when I went to inpatient because she missed me badly and was so scared and worried. Thats the only thing that is stopping me. But sometimes i feel selfish and want to just do it anyway.
Therapy barely helps because theres no gut wrenching trauma to overcome. No awful living conditions that drag me down. No legal trouble or financial trouble or addictions. I just wasnt meant to be here. I was premature and wouldnt have lived without freakish machines. I feel like an accident and the universe needs correcting. I dont want a happy or "fulfilling " life, im tired and just want to die. What can someone like me do? Is suicide just the only answer?

I am a 25 year old who just finished her masters and the job market is abysmal. I manage my expectations in this economy and I'm just asking for enough to pay rent and live...nothing more. I have been rejected from entry level jobs I am over qualified for, like Walmart. And jobs within my field because I don't have 5+ years of experience. Bear in mind I networked in college, have friends who are trying to help, graduated with honors and I'm a hardworker regardless of the conditions of a job. It sounds pathetic but things are bad. I am trying to remain hopeful.