Let me preface this by saying I WANT my view changed. I want to become a more passive driver, and yet, I cannot shake how much bad drivers upset me, but I want to.
My biggest issue is - how can people be so entitled? Driving is one of the main things we have as a society with the same rules across the board (give or take between countries but we are focusing on the US). We all had to pass the same test to get our licenses. We should all have the same knowledge - so why don’t we act like it?
I drive defensively because I don’t want to be in an accident. I regularly keep 3-7 car lengths ahead of me depending on how fast we are going. Yes, I only use the left lane for passing. No, I don’t use my phone. Yes, I look out for others and try to do what’s best for traffic efficiency - not just my efficiency.
So - when people cut me off, enter a freeway going so slow it’s unsafe, never use a blinker, stop in the middle of a lane to make a turn instead of getting over, running red lights, sitting on my bumper instead of passing, etc. I’m sure all of you have your own experience with stupidity on the road - how do you not fucking seethe? How do you stay calm knowing that person that just jumped 5 lanes of traffic and endangered hundreds of people is more than likely thinking “wow I’m so lucky I made my exit!”
I want to stop getting upset. I want to stop using my horn as my only way of expressing the shame these people should feel. I want to stop wishing highway patrol would just do their job since it’s clear they won’t. It would be one thing if you could predict stupid, but the bar gets lower every day it seems like and I have to make more room for the dumbest and most entitled people I have ever laid eyes on.
TLDR; Road rage is justified because of how stupid and entitled drivers are now a days. (Using this as a means to help myself not be as bothered about bad drivers)

So my car is totaled (not at fault) and the insurance company wants me to get the totaled car's title transferred from NC (my home state) to KY (where I'm currently at). I'm in KY visiting with my bf (his work schedule is 4 weeks on, 4 weeks off), so when the accident happened, I gave the address in KY since I'd be here for the next few weeks and thought this would be done by the time I went back.
I live half in both states but my license and official address is in NC. The vehicle is registered in NC & the plates are from NC, I do not have a KY license or anything else associated, just use this address while I'm here for shipping/anything I need here at the time. Also, the certificate of title is at my mom's place in NC so I can't bring it in and I'm about to leave KY today so I can't wait for it to be shipped.
Should I tell the insurance company the address is in NC? I'm worried that'd be considered giving misinformation/fraud or whatever and I wouldn't get the settlement money.
I have no idea what to do so any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

Hello,

1. I am a Tiny home dweller who was seeking new parking spot. In August of 2024 I was approached via FB messenger by a couple with land in Port Hope. A visit was made by the couple to the tiny home at its then current location, and the couple loved it and the garden around it. We had coffee and a nice discussion. An invitation was extended by the couple to visit their new property, which was made. Upon visiting, and traveling the perimeter of the property, an offer was made by them to relocate my tiny home to their property. Their property survey was rolled out, and plans were discussed to possibly create a future Tiny Home village, as the wife had been an owner of a well-known resort in the past. At that time the husband produced his business card identifying himself as a City counsellor, on council for tiny homes. He then tells me I would be able to relocate my home with safety as he had much control over tiny homes as part of his work on council.
   
2. This couple invited me to move my house to their farm. We met again at the property, and they told me that their main concern was their upcoming cruise holiday in December, and as long as I could guarantee this month of pet/horse care, and that I must install my home at my own expense and cost them nothing for this permanent/long term move, I had only to work the upcoming month at Christmas, future holidays, in attendance during emergencies, and seasonal gardening in exchange. They helped me get my home installation done on time so that they were able to leave for their vacation. I paid for all services installed, including my own hydro meter, for which I continue to pay monthly charges. I worked the holiday, and we exchanged many texts, photos and messages including photos of their new home build to keep them updated. All went well and they seemed happy for the condition of the horses, pets, and barn when they returned.
   
3. Approx. two weeks after their return, they began changing their tone and harassing me with nasty messages, including eviction. I discovered the city councillor had left his position and is now a JP. He no longer has an interest in Tiny homes. They have messaged me with eviction for Sept 1. They have reminded me of their power in the community, and are harassing, threatening, and now blocking my road with boulders and stopping visitors to my home. The restricted access means I can no longer load my car for work. The threats and harassment are escalating.
   

Today I have contacted the police. If there are any experts in contract law or landlord tenant please comment. I have all payments and job exchanges in text + photo.

Hello,
I’m hoping I can get some guidance from this thread.
Earlier today I was hit by another car in the parking lot at my job. I was arriving from running a work errand and was using my personal car.
I called the cops to the scene and they gave the blame/ticket to the other driver.
The other person did not have the best insurance so I am concerned about getting my car fixed. I am wondering if my employer would be liable for fixing my vehicle damages since I was on the job and returning from running a work errand.
Thank you for the advice!

Hi I went to Greece on holiday with my mom last week, and we rented a car for 5 days. We booked it in the UK through Orbitcarhire. It was my first time renting a car, and I realize now that I should have taken photos and videos before signing anything. Fast forward one week later, I got charged £400 on my debit card!!! I checked google review, and they are clearly doing the same to everyone. I've basically been scammed. The company is called "Sunrise Rent a Car / Caldera Car Hire" in Santorini. The car had no dents when we received it, and the man assured us everything was fine when we returned it and paid the remaining amount. He has my direct debit details because he wrote them all down when I signed the papers. What should I do now? I want to do a chargeback on my Halifax account, but I'm not sure how to proceed. I've never done this before. I would greatly appreciate everyone's help 🙏

2 years ago my husband was in an accident while driving my car, he does not have a license, the accident was not his fault and my insurance covered my car. He is not on my insurance and I am grateful that they did not drop me.
We have been working on getting his license back for a significant amount of time. We just discovered that because of that accident and driving without insurance, his license is suspended in our state. To get it back, he has to have an SR 22 as well as auto insurance, because apparently it IS possible to have insurance without a license. Had we known, I would have had him added to mine since the beginning. Now I am scared that if I try to add him to mine, I will get into legal trouble for that accident because he technically never should have been driving in the first place (my car was totaled and I believe the other driver was uninsured, I carry full coverage even though my car is/was old).
What are the chances of me being dropped or worse from my current company, or should I try to find a company willing to insure him on his own? Once the insurance part is done, the bmv will lift the suspension and he can schedule his driving test.
Not sure if relevant or worth mentioning: - The actions causing the loss of his license happened a decade ago, when he was a drug addict. He went to prison, did his time, got out and tried to do the right thing with his license only to have it revoked after he paid his fees. We finally got the revocation taken care of, only to discover this suspension when he successfully passed his written exam.

• He has been clean and sober since his arrest. His life has turned around.
  
• I know letting him drive is wrong and the stress has been eating at me daily since it started, please don't be too hard on me for this. We are trying to do right. I am not looking for sympathy, just....please don't tear me down about this.
  

Hatred is a powerful emotion that doesn't magically vanish when those whom we hate die. They lied, They stole, They left mountains of wreckage in their wake. They terrorized you, Tricked you, They shattered things you loved. They made you want to vanish. Then they died.🙂 Well it's my Uncle(My father's Brother) who iam talking about. Me and my family had to suffer a lot in the absence of my father while he was living out of the country for almost my whole life and my uncle was in charge of our family and looked after us for my dad. He used to torture us mentally a lot... Its been almost 10 years since he died(in a car accident) but I still can't forgive him, I actually want to forget about all my past and forgive him deep down but I can't... Please do let me know how can I overcome the situation and also lemme know if u had any similar experiences in ur life or ever been thru something like this... Thank you🙂

A few months ago, I posted on here about how badly I wanted a 4Runner (in a certain budget, being my first car purchase on my own), but exactly what I wanted was so hard to find. I got so much support from everyone and advice! I think I finally found one I’d like to move forward with.
It is a 2016 2WD with leather and sunroof, and white, which is what I wanted- super clean, no accidents on the CarFax, 3 owners, very well taken care of (oil changes, etc), new tires, 114,000k on the dash. I’d have to drive about 5 hours to pick it up. The dealer is asking $24,900. Does this sound like a deal? Do I have any negotiation power? Should I be concerned about mileage? I know these cars are built to last, but just want to hear some thoughts and opinions! Thanks in advance :)

Tldr: Narc family members keep reaching out to random friends and people from our past to stir up shit. Is this normal behavior because it is very embarrassing.
So I went NC with my NSister and NBIL about two years ago, everything was great for a year until my son was in a car accident (he's okay!) and I felt obligated to let them know about it. So I unblocked only my sister and let her know. This quickly snowballed into her trying to get me to bend to their will again. I tried to work around it, but there was no keeping her in my life and having decent mental health so I went NC again about 2 months ago.
During the last two months we made a planned move to another state. Of course NSister and NBIL thought it was all about them and threw a temper tantrum to anyone in the family that would listen. That was all fine, my family knows how they are and didn't give them anything they were looking for. They also tried reaching out to all my friends, whom all just promptly blocked them.
Today though, my husband's ex-wife reached out to let me know they were trying to contact her about possible abuse allegations. The 4 kids my husband shared with her are all adults so im not sure what they are pointing to? The ex and I are on good terms so she said she would let me know if they tried anything stupid. I am worried this has happened with more people and we just haven't heard about it.
Does this happen to anyone else? Do they just contact random people from your past to try and stir up shit? I'm trying to ignore it, but it's so embarrassing.

Hi Morgan, Longtime listener, first time writing in. My best friend and I are having trouble figuring out the right thing to do in this situation and wanted to get an outside perspective. Buckle up because this is a LONG one because theres a lot of backstory that’s necessary.
Would we be the assholes if we didn’t attend our childhood best friends wedding?
There is a lot of context in this storyline so I’ll try to give a lot of detail. We start in January of 2023, my best friend, Greta(26F) and I(26F) get in contact with one of our childhood best friends, Laura (26F), and plan a visit to catch up on the past 10ish years that we’ve been apart. Laura moved away from our hometown when we were 15. Now Greta and I live about 2 hours from where Laura moved to when we were young, so we reached out and invited her and her fiancé Logan(26M) up to stay with us and hang out.
They come visit, we have such a great time, her fiancé was pretty quiet and distant the whole time, but the 3 of us together were big talkers so I just chalked it up to him not being able to get a word in and they left. In March they came back to visit again and announced to us that they were moving a few states away. We were really sad, but happy for them since they were getting to move somewhere that they’d wanted to be for a while. They were going to elope together after a few months but Logan had a university study abroad for a month in Japan so they were going to wait until after.
So, he leaves for Japan in May, and while he is away a girl reaches out to Laura from the college that Logan attends. This girl tells Laura that her friend had been getting really close with Logan, uncomfortably so and she wanted to give Laura a heads up that she thought they were romantically involved. Greta and I were worried but Laura brushed it off and said it was probably nothing, so Greta and I dropped it because we didn’t feel close enough to Laura to tell her we felt like she should look into it more.
Flash forward 2 weeks into Logan’s study abroad, he calls Laura at 5AM to let her know that he doesn’t think he wants to get married anymore. She’s distraught but has to go into work that morning and calls us after to let us know. We support her, you know he fucking sucks for doing that not only over the phone but right before she went into work, real shady. Greta and I are very worried about Laura because Laura really wants to make it work, but we still don’t say anything because we just want to be there for her.
He gets back and agrees to go to couples counseling, they do couples counseling for 2 weeks, during this time he repairs her car. Replaces a tire, breaks, oil change, the works, he’s been working with cars for a long time, so this was no biggie. Well after that two weeks, Laura comes home to all of Logan’s stuff packed and he tells her it’s over and he’s moving back home. He leaves. She’s devastated. We comfort her, come up and visit her, and tell her that she doesn’t need him and she slowly starts getting over him. Meanwhile she gives us A TON of context about her relationship with Logan. She paid for his college, he has had no job for the past 2 years while getting his degree, so she had been financially supporting them both. She paid for his trip to Japan, he put her in 20K of credit card debt, and more in personal loans, etc. Then in couples therapy told her he wasn’t attracted to her because she made money and he didn’t (so weird).
So immediately Greta and I are like, “Girl, we had a bad feeling, we wanted to tell you but didn’t want to upset you, we’re just glad you’re finally out of that mess”. She tells us that next time we should come to her and be honest with her, we apologize and agree. Then one day Laura calls us to tell us that she almost got into a really bad car accident. She lives in a mountainous area and her breaks went out on her when she was driving on the interstate on a hill, she managed to pull of into a grass median and slow the car down.
She gets the car towed to a mechanic that night and heads to work the next morning. Mechanic calls her midday. He asks he who worked on her car last, she said “My ex” and he said “Is he still in your life?” she said no. And he said “Good, Because I’ve never seen anything like this in my 20 years as a mechanic.” Her brake fluid hadn’t been connected so all the break fluid drained out. Her brake pads weren’t fastened/screwed in to the wheels, the were just placed in there. And he back tire bolts were stripped so hard that he said he tire probably would’ve come off had she kept driving.
Later that week, Logan asks to talk to her, she agrees only to get closure on the situation. Well he calls and begs her to get back together, she says no absolutely not. Then he asks” How’s the car?” She said, “Well I almost died last week”, he immediately jumped to the defensive “Well, that had nothing to do with me, I didn’t do anything” a very guilty response, so we were all convinced he tried to kill her. She filed a police report on him and started moving on. This is in July.
Now we move into part two of this debacle. My partner and I go up to visit her in September and she’s doing well on her own, she’s having fun, dating around, putting herself first, in therapy, just doing really well, were happy for her. She hasn’t really made any friends which is making her lonely but we were telling her to get involved in clubs and meet people, etc.
We leave our trip which was really fun and head back home. 2 weeks later, Laura says she’s met this really great guy, its almost October at this point, she’s gone on multiple dates with him and really likes him, were happy for her, still a bit concerned, but if she’s happy we’re happy. So Laura, Greta, and I plan a girls trip to come up and visit Laura for a long weekend. Laura wants us to vet this new guy, make sure he’s a good dude. She tells us she really values our input and so Greta and I are so excited to go on this trip with an open mind. November rolls around, one month before our trip and Laura announces that the new guy, we’ll call him Will (29M) has moved in with her, bringing his dog with him. Greta and I are a bit shocked but we didn’t say anything bc we’ve both done stuff like that before and Laura was struggling to keep up with rent on her own (she was still in the house that her ex fiancé left her in) so we knew she could use a roommate.
December is finally here and Greta and I hop on a plane and Will and Laura pick us up from the airport, first impression in the car was fine, he seemed nice, he drove us back to their place and we walk into the house. I come face to face with a completely different living room than I saw in September, all of Laura’s art and stuff are moved out of the living room replaced with the following: a giant poster of Elon Musk smoking a joint, a poster model of a rocket, a poster of Jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun. And a bookshelf full of Will’s books and Lego sets on display. Alarm bells are going off in my head and Greta’s at this point. We have a little conversation and because it’s late, we go to bed. We sleep in a room that outside of the house in the backyard, it has full heating so its basically just like a bedroom with a deadbolt. I double lock the dead bolts and we go to bed.
At 3am I’m woken up by Greta shaking me in a panic, asking me if I remembered to double deadbolt the door, I told her I did and that were okay and we both went back to sleep. When we woke up the next day, and she told me she had a weird feeling that he was gonna come in our room in the night. I agreed, and told her that was why I double dead bolted the door.
We go through our girls trip which ended up not being a girls trip at all, Will was by our side the entire time. Laura and he talked about looking at ENGAGEMENT RINGS, they bought a ring sizer, she was picking out her faves. He never let us have girl time except for one hour trip we took downtown to window shop. He would come sit in Greta and my room when we were talking with Laura, he would watch movies with us, he went everywhere with us. Not only that but in the middle of conversations, he would pull out his guitar and just start playing in the middle of us talking, or when we sat down to watch a movie. There is one bathroom in the house, and the main house part is very small about 650 square feet, my friend Greta has bathroom anxiety, she doesn’t like to poop in public places so she asked Laura and I if we would grab Will and the dog, and just go for a quick walk around the block while she used the bathroom. It was no biggie, so we got ready and went on a walk, we got 20 feet out the door and Will starts griping about how he doesn’t want to be outside and that Greta is a selfish pooper, and continues to complain the entire time were outside. We don’t even go for a walk, we stop at the corner of the street and just stand there because he doesn’t want to go any further.
At this point I’m annoyed with this guy, he just seems really controlling. To add to it, he didn’t want to go for a hike in the mountains, so Laura didn’t want to go so we ended up spending the entire weekend inside their house basically, even though we were in a beautiful area, and hiking is a group favorite, because he didn’t want to go. We didn’t. Also this is a personal anger of mine but I bought a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts (they were $18, which is crazy) and he ate EIGHT OF THEM. it pissed me off so bad, I had to hide the box that night just so I had 1 donut left over in the morning. Anyway onto the big finale.
Our last night there we finished up watching a movie and the events that unfold all happen within 3 minutes, keep that in mind. Laura had taken an edible so she was pretty out of it, like laying on top of the dog, whispering, just all around sounding really tired. Will says hes gonna take her to bed and Greta and I say were gonna get ready for bed in the bathroom. Bedroom and bathroom are five steps fro each other. I brush my teeth and use the bathroom while Greta is brushing hers and then I walk out of the bathroom and tell Greta that I’m grabbing my stuff to head over to our outside bedroom. I grab my bag from the kitchen counter, which is right next to their bedroom door. The bedroom door is open so I say goodnight to both of them and tell Greta I’ll see her in a sec, she’s just finishing up. Maybe 45 seconds pass and I’m waiting in our bedroom when I get 3 texts from Greta “OH MY GOD” “HELP” “HOLY SHIT”, Greta comes running out of the house, slamming the back door, and I run up to her.
She tells me that they were loudly having sex in their bedroom with the door open, mind you the bathroom is 5 steps from the bedroom. the kitchen counter is right next to the bedroom and Greta had to walk over to it to grab her stuff.
We are freaked the fuck out at this point not only was it super disrespectful but Greta was super affected by it, which who wouldn’t be it was disturbing. Because mere moments before Laura went to bed she was so high. And I smoke regularly so I know what it looks like when someone is super high and I hadn’t gotten that high in a long time. She was very out of it. So this really bothered us both.
The next day, were ready to go home, we get to the airport where they drop us off and once the two of us are in the airport we both look at each other and both just say “that was horrible”, we both felt like the entire trip we had a bad feeling about him and didn’t want to ruin the vibes of the trip so we just didn’t say anything about it. So were sitting in the terminal writing down a list of all the red flags, all the instances where he gave us a bad feeling. And overall just as a person he gave us a really bad feeling. Just gross, nasty, icky feeling. Not sure how to describe it well but I just knew something was off and Greta said she felt the same.
Laura had asked us to give our opinion on what we thought of him so we drafted up a letter to her, with key moments and points that we felt were big signs that he may not be a good guy. It includes everything we went over in this story, I didn’t want to supply to much of our opinion on the situation but I know that my bias comes out in this story a bit.
We wrote to her, and she responded to us with basically “I appreciate your concern, I will take your opinions into consideration” Its worth it to note that they were talking about getting engaged in March of 2024 (It is Early December 2023 at this point) and in our letter we told her that she should give their relationship more time, and get to know him better before they get engaged.
Our relationship with her after that became very one sided, Greta and I tried our best to keep messaging her but she really never responded so we kind of gave up. End of January we get a text from her, a picture of her and him she has an engagement ring on, “We’re engaged!” Greta and I respond with a Congrats! and a heart emoji, we’re super concerned but we have genuinely said all we can in that letter a little over a month before, so It didn’t feel right to say it again.
March she posts her “I said yes to the dress post” with Wills mom and his two sisters. She still doesn’t have any friends up where she lives so it makes sense for her to bring his family along. She didn’t message us about it, which is fair because we hadn’t been talking. We just thought they were getting eloped, because Greta has always said she wanted something small since she isn’t super close with her family (they’re not great).
So we left it there until last week I received an invitation in the mail to their wedding. Its this September on a Monday night.
Greta and I would have to pay around $500 each in order to even go to the wedding, calculating in airfare, shared rental car, shared hotel room, and that doesn’t even include, food, gas, wedding gift, etc. The two of us are not well of financially, we both live paycheck to paycheck so it would be really hard for us to go in general not to mention that the wedding is on a Monday night, so I have to take off extra days of work that I really don’t have. Same with my best friend, were in the same industry so wen have the same days off and all of that.
And I know it took us a while to get here but would we be the assholes if we decided not to attend her wedding?
TLDR: Best friend’s ex fiance tries to kill her in past relationship, she moves on two months later, her new partner moves in with her 3 weeks after dating. We go visit her and meet him, he’s go a lot of red flags, we tell our best friend, she distances herself and gets engaged weeks later. Invites us to her wedding in September that is also on a Monday. AWTA?

I dislocated my tailbone in September and driving is excruciating. It hurts so bad when I stand back up after driving for any period of time. I’ve been trying to research the best cushions for my car but I can’t find any recommendations from anyone who’s actually felt relief from the seat cushion. Any recommendations are appreciated. If anyone has any exercises or stretches to help the dislocation or pain that’s welcomed as well lol. I also have lower back and sciatica pain that was happening before the tailbone accident so I really need a good seat cushion. I am overweight as well so that will factor into the decision.

Hi all, I saw an ad for a 2014 Honda jazz 1.4 going for 3750 and thought it was a massive steal so looked up the description. It is supposedly a cat S, and when I asked the dealer about it he said it was just wing damage but he bought it when it was already fixed. He said that the previous owner has d told him it was a cat S but when I did a vehicle check there's no mention of any crash, damage or it being placed in cat S or N.
When I asked the dealer for more details he didn't then seem sure it was a cat S and kept telling me that everything was resolved because he spoke to the previous owner (which obviously it wasn't).he then proceeded to tell me that I asked too many questions which made me a bit suspicious, cause if there's nothing to hide and I want to know the history of a cat S car then I had more than enough reason to question him?
It has full service history, new mot, all 4 new tyres and seems to have been looked after really well but the cat S situation seems dodgy to me. Have I dodged a bullet or should have I gone to view it?
I haven't provided a picture of the damage cause the photo he sent me was too fuzzy, also looked like it came from copart or similar.

Hello everyone. I hope it is alright that I post here as a parent. I often read and lurk here in an effort to try and learn more about my daughter and how she may be feeling, however I try not to post or comment to respect your space.
My daughter (6) is level 3. She is minimally verbal (kind of like the level of a young toddler, though making great progress every day), uses an AAC (mostly for requests), not potty trained at the moment. She’s a big sensory seeker (proprioceptive and vestibular), and can have some pretty explosive meltdowns when she’s not well regulated and/or upset and frustrated. She’s very silly and active and smart, loves to be outside and play with us and her grandparents and her dog and family friends. She’s the sweetest kid ever.
About 3-4 weeks ago, she refused a new diaper after being changed. This happens sometimes when she’s agitated so we didn’t force the issue and said no worries, just let us know when you’re ready. She continued to refuse her diaper for the remainder of the day, and has not worn once since. Problem being—she was/is not potty trained or really developmentally ready for it (I think her interception is not quite ready).
We offered her undies, have been having her sit on the potty a ton (which she has grown comfortable with since we bought her a special seat and let her watch the iPad while she’s on it). I also put some of her favorite sensory items in the bathroom too. She will go sometimes, but only pee and only like once a day.
Anyway—since that day, she refused diapers or underwear, any and all clothing (normally we don’t make her wear clothes at home, only outside of the house), or to even leave the house in the car. So we we’ve pretty much all been trapped inside, and unable to go anywhere, since she’s fully naked and mostly peeing/pooping around the house while we clean up after her and try to encourage her to use the potty as much as she reasonably can without making her anxious.
So she’s missed like 3 weeks of kindergarten (which she always seemed to love and enjoy and was doing really well), and speech therapy (which she also loved because they had a big play gym). Luckily her OT already came to the house so she still comes to play.
We’ve been working nonstop to try and make sure her sensory needs are being met. We made sure she wasn’t sick and didn’t have an infection. We tried other fits and brands of diapers, undies with her favorite colors and characters and different fabrics, and every form of bribery on the planet. She loves milkshakes, cake pops, the beach, target, visiting her grandparents, the trampoline park, aquarium, zoo, etc. And despite offering all of these things if she will leave the house in clothes, she will not budge.
The only thing that has helped so far is that I bought zip up dresses that are normally swim covers, and she is okay wearing those to play in the yard or go on walks (but still no diaper or undies). I think the clothes over her head and ankles were agitating her. I bought like 8 of these covers and keep one in the car, on hooks by the doors, etc so we are ready whenever she wants to go out.
We started seeing a pediatric psychiatrist on (he sees us on zoom since we can’t leave the house) who has been really helpful. I told him this seems like anxiety and autistic burnout (idk if that’s the right term?), and he agreed. We had been talking about medication anyway for aggression (she’s hurt me pretty bad a few times on accident when angry). He prescribed something to help with anxiety and meltdowns, and it seems to be helping. It’s only been a week, but she’s sleeping better at night and happy during the day. No meltdowns or tantrums, and doesn’t appear to have any bad side effects. But she still won’t get dressed to go in the car anywhere.
I feel so bad because she can’t explain why and despite trying every way I can think of, I can’t figure out what it is. We are trying to keep demands low at home and not force her. Everyone, including teachers and therapists, have all been really supportive and agree nobody should force her, and they all FaceTime her during the week to say hi and tell her they miss her.
Has anyone here experienced this? Or can you offer insight? I really want to help her. And I know it’s not about us (the parents), but I’m just so exhausted and stressed out and sad.

I’m changing locations, from a place who’s pay was horrible, but provided their own insurance to their drivers, to someplace that is a lot more in line with the market standard, but apparently does not offer insurance, and that is apparently very uncommon for the industry to offer insurance. So, do I need extra insurance for pizza delivery?
From what I can find for my insurance company (USAA, so I would prefer not to have to switch) personal insurance doesn’t cover it, and commercial insurance is for businesses, so where does pizza delivery fall? Getting a commercial car insurance plan is like half of my monthly pay check, so I can’t do that.
If it’s that expensive, and considering that pizza delivery isn’t a very… fancy job, do people just not have insurance, or is there some special coverage I don’t know about? Do people just drive around where an accident, even if they’re not at fault, could ruin their lives from insurance?

I know it was your first relationship. At 28, you had already been through so much, having been on your own for 13 years. You were forced to grow up too fast, and had to prioritize yourself, building a life from nothing. I get it. It was your fierce independence that made me fall for you in the first place.
I always knew that trying to build a life with you was going to be a struggle. I thought it would be worth it, for both of us. You deserve to have someone in your corner, that always has your back. You shouldn’t have to be alone. I don’t know if you believed the same.
I think I gave up too much of myself for you. Was that my mistake or yours? Did you really ask for too much, or did I give too freely without expectation for anything in return? Maybe both. Probably more on me. I’m not perfect by a long shot.
Compromise. It really does all come down to that. I tried to show you its importance, but in the process I ended up being the only one willing to do it. Me getting to pick what movie we watched or getting to plan a date became something I only got to do on special occasions. You said you felt like you didn’t know me, but so many times in so many ways I offered up little pieces of me to you. I share myself by sharing the things I love with the people I love. But more and more towards the end, all you’d say was “no”. Ignoring any context. Ignoring those pieces of me.
I know you don’t like movies about kids. I know asking to watch Home Alone during Christmas was a big ask. But it was a tradition that I shared with my dad, who I lost just over a year before. I know you think that traditions are pointless, but it was important to me. My earliest memories are of that. I needed to continue on, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it alone. I needed you there, your support. It was such a small gesture I was asking of you, but all I got was “no”. Instead we watched a movie you picked: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. A movie made by the exact same people that made Home Alone, and with even more kids.
We wanted to go to Ireland. Personally I’ve been wanting to go for years, but couldn’t because of my dad’s illness along with everything else going on. You knew that in the last 3 years I lost all of my grandparents, two uncles, my dad. I couldn’t risk going so far away for so long while everyone was sick. My mom saw me giving up the latter half of my 20s for my family, when she was hoping I would be enjoying life and seeing the world. That’s why she was happy to give us the money to have the trip of our dreams. I explained all of this to you while you were struggling to find a way to save for the trip. All my mom wanted in return was a single nice photo of us. That wasn’t even a requirement for the money. She just wanted to see me with the person that I love making our dreams come true. I know you hate having your picture taken. The only attention your dad ever gave you was when he wanted to test a new camera. It’s a trauma trigger. But I was only asking for one picture. You’d compromise for your friends, you’d compromise for your sister. You’d take pictures with them. Why wouldn’t you compromise for your partner, and the other most important person in your partners life? After a year, we have 3 pictures together, none of which are very good. I know that I was asking for a lot, but I felt so less important than everyone else in your life. Maybe you felt that as your partner, I was to be held to a higher standard? I honestly don’t know. All you said was “no”.
You admitted yourself I was so supportive. I always prioritized you. From always making your tea before mine, to giving you the better looking plate at dinner, to planting all of your favorite flowers in my garden. I always complemented you, how smart you are, how beautiful you are, how driven and independent you are. Your friend needed a ride to a 5k and someone to cheer them on? I was there. You needed someone to drive you around while your car was in the shop for 2 months? No problem. Accidentally overdrew your account again, and you couldn’t afford the late fees? Here’s $50. Need to move on short notice? I’m the guy tearing apart and moving your furniture. You have a migraine so bad you can’t eat? I’m bringing you pedialyte and sleeping on your couch, even though I didn’t actually get any sleep. I learned all your rituals so not to trigger your OCD. There are countless other examples. I never said no. I never complained. You rarely said so much as “thank you”.
The big one. The thing that ended us. You’re right, we did sit down like adults time and time again and talked things out. You said you needed me to anticipate your needs. You’d get overwhelmed, and couldn’t articulate what you needed from me. You couldn’t stand being asked what you needed. You just needed me to start helping. “Mental loads” and all that. I took that to heart. But I’m not perfect. Sometimes I’d miss the mark. Tried to support you, but in the wrong way. Even in my failures I showed effort, but you never seemed to see that. You only focused on how I failed.
We recognized that this was a problem caused by both of us. The communication wasn’t getting through. But I had already adapted to your communication style as much as I could. My exited, rambling, almost impulsive way of generating ideas became slow, methodical, thoughtful. I put intention behind everything so not to overwhelm you. I learned not to jump at the obvious solution.
Yes, we sat down like adults and talked things over time and time again. You told me what you needed from me, but I also told you what I needed from you. If I was missing the mark, please just guide me to what you needed. I’m not a mind reader. I did it for you all the time. You were honestly awful at anticipating my needs too. If I was venting, had a bad day, all you’d say was “I’m sorry”, and pat me on the back like a puppy. No effort to dig deeper. No words of support or encouragement. So I had to show you how I needed support. I just needed you to do the same for me. “No”. Again.
One final time, I sent you words of support when you were having a bad day. It wasn’t enough, you wanted more. A phone call? For me to come over so you could vent in person? Did you actually want me to directly help for once? I don’t know. You never told me. Instead of guiding me to what you needed, you immediately shut down. Full silent treatment. I’ve been in abusive relationships where the silent treatment was welded as a weapon. I know you didn’t mean it in an abusive way, you were just overwhelmed again. But I never expected it from you. I didn’t see it for what it was. I only ever asked one thing from you to save us. I put in the work, got us 80% of the way there. I knew I couldn’t bridge the gap on my own. I wasn’t even asking you to put in effort on my behalf, it was for your benefit. I begged you time and time again for help. To communicate. Not to put it all on me, because I couldn’t do it on my own. But instead, you did the opposite.
You said that you felt like you were putting more effort into the relationship than I was. I’m sorry, but I can’t see that effort. I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I can’t. Maybe you mean you put effort into forgiving me every time I messed up? Maybe you mean that you were always planning dates, always picking what we watched, where we went, what we ate, what we drank? Again, mental loads and such. But I had things that I wanted to do and share with you that you always turned down. You only had to plan everything after my plans were rejected. It would have been more efficient for you to show love, patience, and compromise. Maybe we would have worked out then.
But you left instead.

You know that feeling you get when someone is oddly familiar, but you’ve never met them? This was exactly what it felt like when I saw him for the first time. It was a chance encounter, but I later realized I had simply delayed the inevitable. I’ve always struggled with crippling alcoholism on and off. I would often go through waves of sobriety mixed with periods of drinking, and the night before all of this started was a particularly heavy alcohol binge. I was used to waking up in odd places with little to no memory, so when my crusted eyes saw I was in an alleyway near my house, I was disappointed, but not at all surprised.
It must have been around ten in the morning, and the weather was beautiful, adding insult to my sorry state. I staggered to my feet, bracing the wall, and took some slow breaths. All I had to do was make it a few blocks, and I’d be home, to my wife, a bed, and maybe some hot food if she wasn’t too angry with me. God, she’s so forgiving. I can’t believe she hadn’t already left me by this point.
I began walking out of the alleyway, and turned left to start my walk home. I noticed a man a few inches taller than me crossing the street, and I instantly felt the feeling I mentioned earlier. I consider myself a decent looking guy, six foot, semi-muscular build, blue eyes, but he was like a modern day Hercules. He was a few inches taller, tanned, with big-but-not-too-big muscles. And not only were his eyes also blue, their sharpness but mine to shame. He was carrying a bag of groceries, and very politely excused himself as he brushed past me on the street.
Snapped from my trance, I ignored my unsettled feeling and continued towards home, around ten yards behind this tall stranger. I was nearing my street, and he turned onto it ahead of me. I found this odd- my neighborhood was tightly knit and I’d never seen him before. At the time though, I’d assumed he was from out of town, a relative of one of my neighbors. As I also turned down my street, I noticed him walking up my driveway. This made my stomach drop. This situation had adultery written all over it.
Quickening my pace, I yelled at Hercules, who was reaching for something in his pocket. Seeing me moving towards him, he quickly pulled out a set of keys, unlocked MY front door, dashed in, and closed it. Now teeming with rage, I pulled out my own keys, and made for the door. Thinking about what to say to my wife, and what to do with this piece of garbage in my house, I put my key in the lock, and turned. But the key wouldn’t budge. I took it out, looked at it, and it was definitely my front door key. I tried again. Still nothing. By now I was really starting to freak out. I banged on the door.
I yelled to my wife to let me in, so we could talk. I heard rapid footsteps and the same blue eyes appeared in the small window of the door. He asked me what I wanted with his wife, and demanded to know who I was. I screamed back that I could ask him the exact same thing. Then I saw Alice appear behind him. Scared, she looked to the stranger for reassurance, and said something I couldn’t hear. He told me that if I didn’t leave, he was going to call the police. I said go ahead, they would help me sort this out.
I stayed on the porch until an annoyed police officer arrived, and explained the situation to her. He knocked on the door, and seeing that the officer was in our presence, they opened it, but did not step outside. I could smell my house! I could feel the memories that place held through me, like adrenaline. But I felt like an outsider, looking in at a long lost memory.
The tall man went on to explain that I, a complete stranger, had followed him to his home, and harassed his wife. The officer eyed me suspiciously, and I knew instantly that she didn’t believe me anymore. I looked haggard, and it was two against one. The officer asked me for some I.D, and I pulled out my wallet, but all of my cards were missing. The only thing that remained inside was some bills and loose change, and an old condom. Seeing this, the officer told me I needed to leave, and to stop bothering my wife and the stranger. I begged Alice to stop this facade, that I’d learned my lesson, but she just avoided eye contact with me as I was slowly pushed back to the street.
As I sat on the curb, in slight disbelief, an idea came over me. The officer was getting into her car, but I yelled at her to wait. I pulled my phone from my pocket and ran over. I explained how I had pictures with my wife and that these could prove my story. The officer said nothing, but didn’t get into her car. I unlocked my phone, went into the photos app, and saw hundreds of photos of my wife, but with the tall man. How was that even possible? It was as though I’d been gently plucked from every photo, and replaced.
The officer took one look at these, grabbed my phone, and threw me into the backseat. I watched with despair as she walked to my house, and gave my phone to the stranger. Just before he closed the door, I could have sworn he looked at me and smirked.
I was dropped off a few kilometers away, and warned once again to not go near my house. I slowly made my way to a dingy internet cafe, where I’m writing this all out, as evidence for the future, if I ever need it.
The sun’s going down.
I’m going back to my house tonight. I’m going to set things straight.
I’m going to kill that tall man.
I went back. And I’ve come to a realization that I need to get off my chest. But I have to first write down the rest of what happened, even though it doesn’t matter anymore.
Once the sun went down, I took a bus to my neighborhood. When I got on, it was just me and a really, really, old man, who was sitting all the way at the back. He had an odd face, one that was long like that mask from V for Vendetta. He had a long beard, and a faded red tracksuit. He laughed and laughed, staring at me for the entire trip. Once I’d gotten off, he looked at me through the window with a menacing grin, and waved as the bus drove away.
I began down my street, moving slowly, with my eyes on a swivel. I’d decided that the best place to go into the house would be from the fenced in backyard. I inched my way around the side of the building, and as I did, I could hear faint music, and laughing. This only furthered my anger. I quietly opened the fence gate that was never locked, and went into the tool shed that sat at the back of the yard.
From here, I had a decently clear view of our upstairs bedroom, the kitchen, and the back porch. At the moment I could see the stranger and my wife cooking together, all dressed up, wine in hand. My wife looked so damn happy, happier than I’d ever seen her. I sat for what felt like hours and hours, watching as they ate, danced, and slowly moved upstairs. As the stranger got into bed with my wife, I heard a faint ‘I love you’ float from my wife’s mouth and out through the open window.
It was then and there that I realized I wouldn’t be setting foot in my house. I wasn’t going to kill that stranger, and oddly enough, I wasn’t angry anymore.
I think I died in that alleyway.
I think this is all some twisted version of hell where I’m forced to watch the man I could have been taking care of the one person in this world who means anything to me.
Alice, if by some impossible coincidence you find this, I’m so, so, sorry. I wish I could go back, because I swear to god, I would have done so many things differently.
Goodbye Alice.