Hello, i’m not sure if i’m getting the tattoo yet, but I was wondering if it would be problematic for me to get a tattoo in ogham. I have no Irish roots and have never been there, but I do think the letters/language is beautiful.
Also an additional question, I know conventially it is read from bottom to top but i’ve seen some sources also say from left to right like ”normal” words and letters.

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This dream was like watching a movie.
My dad and his (girlfriend/wife/whoever) run this tattoo parlor but it's this futuristic laser tattoo gun. People keep coming into the shop but no one will commit to a tattoo.
During this, my dad and his wife are having a discussion about him going back to some place he hadn't been in 11 years. She was mad because he hadn't been there in 11 years and now he was going without her. ("You haven't been there in 11 years and now you're going without me?") She also mentioned my dad finding a guy named Tom Landry somewhere in the vicinity of where they were but I don't remember what that was about.
Cut to her doing a ritual but I didn't see the full thing. The only thing I remember is her molding meat into a circular tray by a fire like she was making a meat bundt cake.
Later she goes back to the tattoo parlor and I guess some time had passed because there is a huge green foil heart on the wall but on a bulletin board were the words SAVE ME in those cut out letters teachers use for their class. She smirks then turns and leaves and my dream ends.
Not a nightmare but disturbing to me.

CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJ5mIkLhCyY
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The EXTREMELY detailed, mega-anxiety edition!!! Major events like consult and surgery day are labeled like this:
——— EVENT TITLE ———
Surgeon was Dr. David Whitehead and I saw him on Long Island (New Hyde)
Summarized list of major dates:
Consult: July 19 2023 Mental health letter acquired: August 9 Dates discussed: September 12 Pre-op appointment: December 18 Surgery day: January 8 2024 Post-op: January 17
November 11th 2022: Emailed northwell health for the first time, they emailed back saying to call. I was too anxious so I avoided it for a few months.
Called northwell a few months later but got too anxious talking to the person who picked up. They were being normal and talking normally, it was just personal anxiety on my part.
October 2022 - Early March 2023: Spent time talking to trans friends and family members about their timelines and processes for top surgery.
Looked into Penn medicine for a bit but wasn’t happy with the surgeons there, specifically as a nonbinary person. The patient navigational team however is lovely.
March 2: emailed Penn health patient navigation
March 3-10: correspondence and phone calls w patient navigation (absolutely wonderful people, some of the easiest phone calls I’ve ever had) Got lots of into on surgeons, things I’d need, processes etc.
Date unknown: phone call to Penn medicine asking about surgeons and possibly setting up as a patient (v long wait time on phone) Surgeon I had heard good things about only works w CHOP program and I’m was too old for that program. Other surgeons I was v iffy on.
March 23rd: Back to square 1. Called northwell again to set up an appointment. Everyone I spoke to was really nice. Could have set up an appointment within the week but decided to wait till the end of the semester. Scheduled a trans care and primary care appointment for May
Couple of calls In between for confirmations. Trans care appointment got moved around a bit and ended up being moved to a phone call.
May 8th: Trans care call: Basic preliminary questions like: Emergency contact, what you’re looking for, are you thinking of looking into hormones, experience w dysphoria or dysmorphia, mental health, and eating/nutritional concerns, things you might want doc to know, piercings or tattoos, do you do any drugs or drink often, etc. total call time was about 20 minutes. Doctor was incredibly kind, I still experienced a good deal of anxiety but the call was super easy, welcoming, and friendly. Got sent contact referrals for the surgeons, as well as trans-friendly therapists under my insurance.
May 9th: started looking at list of therapists and making respective emails and calls. Checking per session costs and double checking insurance. Most charge 100-150 per session. Got in contact w one.
May 10th: Called w first therapist talking about what I’m looking for, where I am in this process, if parents are supportive, and talking about costs. She was very friendly and affirming, wants to have a few sessions to get to know me and my situation before writing a letter. Understandable and expected, but frustrating.
May 15th: Primary care appointment: Went to northwell health primary care, parkinglot was a little scary (just a large lot with a lot of cars) but everyone working there’s is super kind. Office is incredibly affirming, pride flags and lgbtq+ art everywhere. Gave my insurance card, filled out some paper work, got called in pretty quickly. I have a needle phobia and medical trauma so I was panicking a bit in the office, nurse was good w me about it and doctor was very kind, I just requested to not have any blood work done that day and that was totally fine, so I could schedule that at a later date and go w a friend. Recommended to get blood work done before scheduling a consult w a surgeon. Also prescribed me a single dose anxiety med for the bloodwork which I was very happy about. I found over time that the anxiety meds unfortunately do little to nothing for my panic attacks personally when it comes to needles but regardless having a doctor acknowledge and respect that fear and listen to me was incredibly helpful and reassuring.
May 30th: Got blood work done in a different lab, went w a friend. Scheduling for that is super easy, I think I did it online actually I don’t entirely recall. they do take walk ins but I made an appointment to minimize complications and make sure I could prepare properly. Front desk/lobby area was a little spooky, but I think that is mainly just bc of my social anxiety. They take a urine sample, you give them your prescription, eventually they call you over for blood work. Quick and easy, tech was v nice and having a friend with me was incredibly helpful. Probably the best I’ve ever done with a needle despite the fact that I did still panic and get very lightheaded lol.
Got blood work results back within the next couple days, all looks a-okay! Neat :)
June 15th This day was incredibly difficult. I had my first session with a therapist to establish some ground knowledge around my dysphoria and the way that I view myself. Top surgery is something that I know from research and related experience Can be difficult and expensive to get and can take time, so much of my prep work has been on the understanding of taking things a step at a time and just knowing that the current way things are doesn’t have to be forever. It allowed me to be able to live with myself while prioritizing my health better. This read to the therapist as “not having the level of dysphoria [she’s] come to expect and look for in someone who is trans” and was largely based off the fact that I don’t want to go on hrt. Past that point I started to break down because now my method of learning to live with myself felt like it was actively going to work against me and prevent me from getting top surgery. I’m not good at talking about my dysphoria, I can’t imagine it’s easy for anyone, especially to a stranger I just met. It was rough, and I felt incredibly mentally drained after ending the session.
June 19th Called it quits with the first therapist, I felt incredibly disrespected and the one session we had put me in a mental spiral for days. It can feel some times in this process like the people you have to get permission from need you to be severely depressed and unable to wait another second for this procedure just in order to take you seriously.
After I left that therapist, I immediately got back to the list to find someone new. Spoke to a new therapist via email, but my insurance is kinda weird (Blue Cross Blue Shield out of state) so its off putting to some people. This therapist recommended I go through the office she started out at (Heart and Soul Counseling)
————- Time Skip ——————
IM BACK its time for some record keeping. Got super overwhelmed and lost the energy to document my process for some time so here goes.
HEART AND SOUL COUNSELING: My experience w/ this therapy office was mostly good. The person in charge, Jesse, was absolutely lovely and responsive. Never spoke in person, but any text/email interaction was prompt, respectful, and kind. The office is stellar with email/text communication, so I only ever had to call them once when I was initially inquiring about the office. This is something I wish all therapy/counseling centers did better, eliminated a ton of my anxiety and hesitation to speak to therapists.
I got set up w someone as quickly as possible and established what my goal was (to acquire letter document for my surgery team). I attended multiple session w the therapist, she was a kind lady but the sessions were unfortunately p miserable for me. We didn’t fit well, but I was willing to stick it out rather than backtrack on my process. She also did not invalidate me or accuse me of not being trans which was a major step up from my first therapy experience. Once I acquired my letter I did stop therapy there, I kindly explained to the therapist that it wasn’t a good match, but I may honestly explore my options at the office in the future. Receptionist there was also lovely and they had a cool fish tank.
———- CONSULT STARTS HERE —————
July 19th: CONSULT!!! My mama and I went to Dr. David Whiteheads office for a consult. Parking was a nightmare so I’m super glad I didn’t have to drive for this one (ty mama). Consult went really well, and the staff were all super friendly. Dr. Whitehead is cool, very chill energy and a bit intimidating, but I’m scared of everyone so that’s nothing new. First question he asked me is what I wanted/what he could do for me which caught me more off guard than it should have? I didn’t realize going into this process how many times people ask you what you’re having done even if it’s already written down, because there’s so much variety in what you can look for in the results.
We talked about the procedure, went through a slideshow n stuff, and discussed how I wanted a flat chest w/ no nipple preservation. They made sure to specify that my mental health professional letter had to include that I did not want nipple preservation because thats technically a “non-standard” appearance. Also had the first breast exam I’ve ever had in my life. Can’t say i’m a fan (not that I need to worry about that anymore!) Took pictures n measurements n such, and also discussed recovery supplies and care w me and my mom.
August 9th: After a plethora of painfully awkward therapy sessions, a decent amount of crying, and a couple breakdowns in friends cars/backyards, I got my therapist letter and sent it to the surgeons office. It ended up needing minor revisions to which I contacted Jesse from Heart and Soul and he got me the revised letter immediately. Unfortunately the surgical coordinator was out of office for the rest of the month the next day ;w;. Is how it be.
September 12th: Got a call from Surgical coordinator mid-painting class that I stepped out to take. Started discussing surgical dates!! She was kind enough to email the dates to me which was lovely because I was absolutely shaking/mind blank haha. There was an option for January 8th which felt like an absolute miracle the way it would work with my school schedule. It would give me a solid two weeks recovery time before spring semester began. Because it would be a couple months out, I was asked to contact her in the second week of October to submit documents to insurance.
(Timeline note: earliest date offered was in early December)
October 10th: Documents sent to insurance, predetermination started
October 30th: Received mail from my insurance approving my procedure as medically necessary (YAY) But! This is also where things get,,, fun! Dr Whitehead’s surgical coordinator, Alyssa, is a blessing and was very helpful and prompt with me despite the fact that I had to email her pretty constantly during this general time which I still feel bad about.
Around this time, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, which I reported to the surgical coordinator because it influences my family history (grandmother also had breast cancer). It was asked that I get genetic testing done because this could impact my surgical procedure. Now I’m handling the setup on this between helping my mom in her process setting up consults and considering her options because there of course is a lot of crossover to the steps I’ve already completed and am familiar with.
November 1st: Very kind person at cancer genetics calls me, sends me a family history questionnaire to fill out before I can be scheduled to see a genetic counselor. Filled out the questionnaire the same day.
November 8th: Called cancer genetics to check about scheduling, office was not open so left a message. Got a call back later in the day. I have a virtual appointment with a Genetic counselor Tuesday the 14th. Current plan is a mailed saliva genetic test but I’m going to ask if theres anything I can do to get results/materials quicker. If I can’t get results/feedback by December 8th my surgery date may get deferred.
Trying not to stress too much because there is little to nothing I can do about this, and I just don’t want to be sad. I’ve kept telling myself throughout this process to not get excited and not let myself believe anything is solid because something could happen at any time that might mess up my schedule or plan, and If I convince myself I’m in the clear, those changes will hurt a lot more. So far I think thats been a good move, because this really sucks.
My surgery date is still officially scheduled as of now as well as my first post-op. I will also ideally have pre-surgical testing done December 18th should I be cleared by genetics in time (Fingers crossed!)
ALSO! Def lean on friends if/when you can during this process. It can absolutely be challenging, and having a support system is incredibly important and helpful. I’m super lucky to have really lovely and supportive friends that are around to listen to me and send me pictures of stupid little animals.
November 9th: My mama is scheduled for her double mastectomy on December 4th
November 10th: Did some shopping with my mama for recovery supplies for double mastectomy/top surgery. Having watched a million and a half transition/top surgery videos and tiktoks and having read all the blogs and posts and tweets makes you a great support for someone suddenly faced with an upcoming double mastectomy! We might go shopping this weekend for some button ups and zip ups for her, clothes shopping is better done when you can try stuff on
November 14th: Meeting w genetic counselor: Victoria Webb, one of the loveliest medical care workers I’ve ever met. Had a virtual appointment with her to discuss and set up genetic testing. I explained to her about my situation w the proximity of my surgery and tight deadline as well as my willingness to do a blood test instead of a saliva kit to get results quicker. She was so incredibly kind and good with me, ended up being able to do a saliva kit and get results in time she deserves every good thing in life.
December 18th: pre-surgical testing: This was at the main hospital, everyone was really nice but I had a really bad panic attack despite being on Xanax.
The process is sort of like getting a physical. Measurements like weight and blood pressure get taken, lots of preliminary health questions. The people working with me were really kind and I was very open with them about my anxiety, it was visually apparent though anyway because I started crying the second we even started talking about the blood draw.
Once the equipment was actually brought into the room I started to panic. Both of the women working with me were really kind and helpful and tried to distract me and keep me talking the entire time, but I did still have a really horrible panic attack. Every muscle in my body locked up and I lost all my color, took a bit to get back to a spot where I could move and talk properly because my speech was affected too. It was a bit scary but funny to think about in post. Thanked the medical staff for being patient w me as always, a good portion of the anxiety is also guilt about making things harder for them. Got through it tho. Def eat before presurgical if allowed, I didn’t and that probably didn’t help!!
———- SURGERY DAY ————-
January 8th:
Ok so surgery day:
This day was very scary. Got my phone call the Friday prior for my surgery time which ended up being 1pm and I was asked to arrive around 11. Got there at 10 and went in at 10:30.
Called up to check in then in waiting room till someone brought me back to change. I told her right away about my anxiety with the iv bc that’s legit all I could think about. Got changed right after. I was generally shaky and a little disoriented the entire time because I was panicking but everyone was very patient with me. Clothes and belongings go in a bag in a locker and you get two gowns one that faces back and one that faces front. I was given underwear and a pad as well because lucky me I got my period a couple days before my surgery.
The pre-op area is a lot of little cubicles with curtain divider things, blue soft chairs, and medical equipment. Everyone I met and spoke to was very kind, but any time someone even suggested starting my iv I would panic. I was informed it would have to be placed in my hand and that terrified me, I’m especially anxious and sensitive about my hands and fingers. I think doctors and nurses tend to misunderstand exactly where my fear is with needles and ivs. It isn’t the pain that scares me, but the concept of veins and and anything being in them. Even writing this right now is horrible so I’m going to stop w any further detail. I spent the entire two-ish hours of pre-op absolutely terrified about this iv.
I wasn’t really keeping track of time but dr whitehead came in to do markings for surgery. They had cool rainbow socks on,big fan. Having your chest drawn on and just like, moved around n shit is such an experience. Felt bad because I kept losing my balance but doctor Whitehead is cool and I am 98% less scared about them now.
Probably my most favorite person I met during my entire hospital experience was the anesthesiologist. I know he told me what his name was but I couldn’t focus on or retain information at the time. He told me we could essentially put me to sleep with gas before putting the iv in and for the first time in probably a solid week I felt like I could calm down a little. He took a look at my hand and arm to check my veins which always does freak me out a bit but I’m more used to that kind of thing at this point and I know nothing bad is going to happen. One of the nurses came in with the iv equipment and he let her know that were going to wait till in the or which was also incredibly helpful because I absolutely panicked when I saw that little supply kit again.
V nice lady brought me into the or, I’d never been in one before it was cool. They had a little music speaker which was really cool. Took off blue jacket gown and they helped me onto the table. They put a warm blanket over my legs and my chest to help me calm down. Before long they gave me a mask w fun happy sleepy time gas, they let me keep my arms on my chest for a while which was really nice because I was still scared. I started getting loopy pretty fast but I still heard when someone mentioned where the iv equipment was and panicked a little because of that. I remember feeling them take my hand for that but never actually felt anything happen. Just some fear but the gas was v helpful obvi. Someone said they would see me in a little bit, and then I was groggily waking up in recovery.
Recovery was a little rough bc the iv was still there (fully wrapped up so I couldn’t see it though which was rad) but I was still really anxious about it until it was taken out and when it was taken out. For anyone that struggles w this i did not feel them remove it, just the tape. Everything was mentally much easier after that. After a while, going over instructions w parents, a cracker , some ginger ale and some juice, my dad helped me Get dressed and I was helped out to the car in a wheel chair. Ride was smooth bc of remaining numbness and meds except a few Bumps in the road
TOP SURGERY GOTTEN
My post op date was scheduled for Jan 17th and that’s the day I got my drains out followed by several post op check-ins. First week of recovery was miserable but things exponentially approved each day past that, and I went back to school in person two weeks post-op with driving and item-carrying assistance from friends!
Will upload recovery notes at a later date! Feel free to message me with any questions, more than happy to answer and give info! I’m a bit over four months out from surgery now and thriving 🥳

CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJ5mIkLhCyY
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S, I'm sorry I let 10 years go by, even if it's meaningless to you
Reposting my letters, to satisfy my own heart, to give it once last false hope that they might be found, before I fade away
Dear S.R.D.,
My once person, the love I had to walk away from, a memory lost, fading away.
My memory has always been a broken thing. A blessing, the gift of truly forgetting. A hard drive that pre-programed to wipe things past a certain point, a built in expiration date. A blessing in the ability to move forward, but a curse, when I don't want to let go. My long term memory is broken and always has been.
I hold on with all the strength I have. I replay memories weekly and daily in hopes that they will remain. But no matter the struggle, these thumbnails and Metadata in the cache, they mean nothing as the original files disappear.
I'm heartbroken, knowing that these pieces I held so dear will fade away, many already have. I'm filled with questions, grasping to keep you near. Were hyenas your favorite animal? Did you like the Ace of Spades best? Did I once buy you a stuffie? Was it a girrafe? Did you like the show Archer? Did we watch it at night together while I fell asleep in your arms? Did you help me create the tattoo I wear proudly over my shoulders? Did you prefer Joker and Harley.. or was it Ivy? Didn't you tell me all about it while you played with my hair? It's almost gone now...
You told me once about your gamertag, but I can't recall... You bared your heart to me about a childhood memory, but the details are gone... You smiled so vibrantly about your nephew but I don't remember why... Did you love me as fiercely and deeply as I believed, or have a been a fool filling in memory gaps with made of stories..
I want to ask you all these things. I want to hear you recount our time together so that I may keep your memory close with a new one filled with your soothing voice. But I have long since been forgotten, you have long since moved on and it is all in the past. It doesn't matter to anyone but me, no sane person holds on this long. It's not romantic or endearing, it's sad and concerning.
I can't ask you, and I can't ask anyone else. I can't even talk to anyone about any of this. So for tonight, in the quiet of this sleeping home, I will let my heartbreak and I will let the tears flow and I will grieve for all I am losing. And when eventually these last remnants fade away despite my fighting and holding on, there will at least be these letters to the void, proof that I loved a love that was deeper than love....
From CR.C.R., a beautiful disaster, a stupid and foolish human, a long forgotten memory, a trace from the edge of the abyss

S, I'm sorry I let 10 years go by, even if it's meaningless to you
Reposting my letters, to satisfy my own heart, to give it once last false hope that they might be found, before I fade away
Dear S.R.D.,
My once person, the love I had to walk away from, a memory lost, fading away.
My memory has always been a broken thing. A blessing, the gift of truly forgetting. A hard drive that pre-programed to wipe things past a certain point, a built in expiration date. A blessing in the ability to move forward, but a curse, when I don't want to let go. My long term memory is broken and always has been.
I hold on with all the strength I have. I replay memories weekly and daily in hopes that they will remain. But no matter the struggle, these thumbnails and Metadata in the cache, they mean nothing as the original files disappear.
I'm heartbroken, knowing that these pieces I held so dear will fade away, many already have. I'm filled with questions, grasping to keep you near. Were hyenas your favorite animal? Did you like the Ace of Spades best? Did I once buy you a stuffie? Was it a girrafe? Did you like the show Archer? Did we watch it at night together while I fell asleep in your arms? Did you help me create the tattoo I wear proudly over my shoulders? Did you prefer Joker and Harley.. or was it Ivy? Didn't you tell me all about it while you played with my hair? It's almost gone now...
You told me once about your gamertag, but I can't recall... You bared your heart to me about a childhood memory, but the details are gone... You smiled so vibrantly about your nephew but I don't remember why... Did you love me as fiercely and deeply as I believed, or have a been a fool filling in memory gaps with made of stories..
I want to ask you all these things. I want to hear you recount our time together so that I may keep your memory close with a new one filled with your soothing voice. But I have long since been forgotten, you have long since moved on and it is all in the past. It doesn't matter to anyone but me, no sane person holds on this long. It's not romantic or endearing, it's sad and concerning.
I can't ask you, and I can't ask anyone else. I can't even talk to anyone about any of this. So for tonight, in the quiet of this sleeping home, I will let my heartbreak and I will let the tears flow and I will grieve for all I am losing. And when eventually these last remnants fade away despite my fighting and holding on, there will at least be these letters to the void, proof that I loved a love that was deeper than love....
From CR.C.R., a beautiful disaster, a stupid and foolish human, a long forgotten memory, a trace from the edge of the abyss

S, I'm sorry I let 10 years go by, even if it's meaningless to you
Reposting my letters, to satisfy my own heart, to give it once last false hope that they might be found, before I fade away
Dear S.R.D.,
My once person, the love I had to walk away from, a memory lost, fading away.
My memory has always been a broken thing. A blessing, the gift of truly forgetting. A hard drive that pre-programed to wipe things past a certain point, a built in expiration date. A blessing in the ability to move forward, but a curse, when I don't want to let go. My long term memory is broken and always has been.
I hold on with all the strength I have. I replay memories weekly and daily in hopes that they will remain. But no matter the struggle, these thumbnails and Metadata in the cache, they mean nothing as the original files disappear.
I'm heartbroken, knowing that these pieces I held so dear will fade away, many already have. I'm filled with questions, grasping to keep you near. Were hyenas your favorite animal? Did you like the Ace of Spades best? Did I once buy you a stuffie? Was it a girrafe? Did you like the show Archer? Did we watch it at night together while I fell asleep in your arms? Did you help me create the tattoo I wear proudly over my shoulders? Did you prefer Joker and Harley.. or was it Ivy? Didn't you tell me all about it while you played with my hair? It's almost gone now...
You told me once about your gamertag, but I can't recall... You bared your heart to me about a childhood memory, but the details are gone... You smiled so vibrantly about your nephew but I don't remember why... Did you love me as fiercely and deeply as I believed, or have a been a fool filling in memory gaps with made of stories..
I want to ask you all these things. I want to hear you recount our time together so that I may keep your memory close with a new one filled with your soothing voice. But I have long since been forgotten, you have long since moved on and it is all in the past. It doesn't matter to anyone but me, no sane person holds on this long. It's not romantic or endearing, it's sad and concerning.
I can't ask you, and I can't ask anyone else. I can't even talk to anyone about any of this. So for tonight, in the quiet of this sleeping home, I will let my heartbreak and I will let the tears flow and I will grieve for all I am losing. And when eventually these last remnants fade away despite my fighting and holding on, there will at least be these letters to the void, proof that I loved a love that was deeper than love....
From CR.C.R., a beautiful disaster, a stupid and foolish human, a long forgotten memory, a trace from the edge of the abyss

S, I'm sorry I let 10 years go by, even if it's meaningless to you
Reposting my letters, to satisfy my own heart, to give it once last false hope that they might be found, before I fade away
Dear S.R.D.,
My once person, the love I had to walk away from, a memory lost, fading away.
My memory has always been a broken thing. A blessing, the gift of truly forgetting. A hard drive that pre-programed to wipe things past a certain point, a built in expiration date. A blessing in the ability to move forward, but a curse, when I don't want to let go. My long term memory is broken and always has been.
I hold on with all the strength I have. I replay memories weekly and daily in hopes that they will remain. But no matter the struggle, these thumbnails and Metadata in the cache, they mean nothing as the original files disappear.
I'm heartbroken, knowing that these pieces I held so dear will fade away, many already have. I'm filled with questions, grasping to keep you near. Were hyenas your favorite animal? Did you like the Ace of Spades best? Did I once buy you a stuffie? Was it a girrafe? Did you like the show Archer? Did we watch it at night together while I fell asleep in your arms? Did you help me create the tattoo I wear proudly over my shoulders? Did you prefer Joker and Harley.. or was it Ivy? Didn't you tell me all about it while you played with my hair? It's almost gone now...
You told me once about your gamertag, but I can't recall... You bared your heart to me about a childhood memory, but the details are gone... You smiled so vibrantly about your nephew but I don't remember why... Did you love me as fiercely and deeply as I believed, or have a been a fool filling in memory gaps with made of stories..
I want to ask you all these things. I want to hear you recount our time together so that I may keep your memory close with a new one filled with your soothing voice. But I have long since been forgotten, you have long since moved on and it is all in the past. It doesn't matter to anyone but me, no sane person holds on this long. It's not romantic or endearing, it's sad and concerning.
I can't ask you, and I can't ask anyone else. I can't even talk to anyone about any of this. So for tonight, in the quiet of this sleeping home, I will let my heartbreak and I will let the tears flow and I will grieve for all I am losing. And when eventually these last remnants fade away despite my fighting and holding on, there will at least be these letters to the void, proof that I loved a love that was deeper than love....
From CR.C.R., a beautiful disaster, a stupid and foolish human, a long forgotten memory, a trace from the edge of the abyss

S, I'm sorry I let 10 years go by, even if it's meaningless to you
Reposting my letters, to satisfy my own heart, to give it once last false hope that they might be found, before I fade away
Dear S.R.D.,
My once person, the love I had to walk away from, a memory lost, fading away.
My memory has always been a broken thing. A blessing, the gift of truly forgetting. A hard drive that pre-programed to wipe things past a certain point, a built in expiration date. A blessing in the ability to move forward, but a curse, when I don't want to let go. My long term memory is broken and always has been.
I hold on with all the strength I have. I replay memories weekly and daily in hopes that they will remain. But no matter the struggle, these thumbnails and Metadata in the cache, they mean nothing as the original files disappear.
I'm heartbroken, knowing that these pieces I held so dear will fade away, many already have. I'm filled with questions, grasping to keep you near. Were hyenas your favorite animal? Did you like the Ace of Spades best? Did I once buy you a stuffie? Was it a girrafe? Did you like the show Archer? Did we watch it at night together while I fell asleep in your arms? Did you help me create the tattoo I wear proudly over my shoulders? Did you prefer Joker and Harley.. or was it Ivy? Didn't you tell me all about it while you played with my hair? It's almost gone now...
You told me once about your gamertag, but I can't recall... You bared your heart to me about a childhood memory, but the details are gone... You smiled so vibrantly about your nephew but I don't remember why... Did you love me as fiercely and deeply as I believed, or have a been a fool filling in memory gaps with made of stories..
I want to ask you all these things. I want to hear you recount our time together so that I may keep your memory close with a new one filled with your soothing voice. But I have long since been forgotten, you have long since moved on and it is all in the past. It doesn't matter to anyone but me, no sane person holds on this long. It's not romantic or endearing, it's sad and concerning.
I can't ask you, and I can't ask anyone else. I can't even talk to anyone about any of this. So for tonight, in the quiet of this sleeping home, I will let my heartbreak and I will let the tears flow and I will grieve for all I am losing. And when eventually these last remnants fade away despite my fighting and holding on, there will at least be these letters to the void, proof that I loved a love that was deeper than love....
From CR.C.R., a beautiful disaster, a stupid and foolish human, a long forgotten memory, a trace from the edge of the abyss

S, I'm sorry I let 10 years go by, even if it's meaningless to you
Reposting my letters, to satisfy my own heart, to give it once last false hope that they might be found, before I fade away
Dear S.R.D.,
My once person, the love I had to walk away from, a memory lost, fading away.
My memory has always been a broken thing. A blessing, the gift of truly forgetting. A hard drive that pre-programed to wipe things past a certain point, a built in expiration date. A blessing in the ability to move forward, but a curse, when I don't want to let go. My long term memory is broken and always has been.
I hold on with all the strength I have. I replay memories weekly and daily in hopes that they will remain. But no matter the struggle, these thumbnails and Metadata in the cache, they mean nothing as the original files disappear.
I'm heartbroken, knowing that these pieces I held so dear will fade away, many already have. I'm filled with questions, grasping to keep you near. Were hyenas your favorite animal? Did you like the Ace of Spades best? Did I once buy you a stuffie? Was it a girrafe? Did you like the show Archer? Did we watch it at night together while I fell asleep in your arms? Did you help me create the tattoo I wear proudly over my shoulders? Did you prefer Joker and Harley.. or was it Ivy? Didn't you tell me all about it while you played with my hair? It's almost gone now...
You told me once about your gamertag, but I can't recall... You bared your heart to me about a childhood memory, but the details are gone... You smiled so vibrantly about your nephew but I don't remember why... Did you love me as fiercely and deeply as I believed, or have a been a fool filling in memory gaps with made of stories..
I want to ask you all these things. I want to hear you recount our time together so that I may keep your memory close with a new one filled with your soothing voice. But I have long since been forgotten, you have long since moved on and it is all in the past. It doesn't matter to anyone but me, no sane person holds on this long. It's not romantic or endearing, it's sad and concerning.
I can't ask you, and I can't ask anyone else. I can't even talk to anyone about any of this. So for tonight, in the quiet of this sleeping home, I will let my heartbreak and I will let the tears flow and I will grieve for all I am losing. And when eventually these last remnants fade away despite my fighting and holding on, there will at least be these letters to the void, proof that I loved a love that was deeper than love....
From CR.C.R., a beautiful disaster, a stupid and foolish human, a long forgotten memory, a trace from the edge of the abyss

S, I'm sorry I let 10 years go by, even if it's meaningless to you
Reposting my letters, to satisfy my own heart, to give it once last false hope that they might be found, before I fade away
Dear S.R.D.,
My once person, the love I had to walk away from, a memory lost, fading away.
My memory has always been a broken thing. A blessing, the gift of truly forgetting. A hard drive that pre-programed to wipe things past a certain point, a built in expiration date. A blessing in the ability to move forward, but a curse, when I don't want to let go. My long term memory is broken and always has been.
I hold on with all the strength I have. I replay memories weekly and daily in hopes that they will remain. But no matter the struggle, these thumbnails and Metadata in the cache, they mean nothing as the original files disappear.
I'm heartbroken, knowing that these pieces I held so dear will fade away, many already have. I'm filled with questions, grasping to keep you near. Were hyenas your favorite animal? Did you like the Ace of Spades best? Did I once buy you a stuffie? Was it a girrafe? Did you like the show Archer? Did we watch it at night together while I fell asleep in your arms? Did you help me create the tattoo I wear proudly over my shoulders? Did you prefer Joker and Harley.. or was it Ivy? Didn't you tell me all about it while you played with my hair? It's almost gone now...
You told me once about your gamertag, but I can't recall... You bared your heart to me about a childhood memory, but the details are gone... You smiled so vibrantly about your nephew but I don't remember why... Did you love me as fiercely and deeply as I believed, or have a been a fool filling in memory gaps with made of stories..
I want to ask you all these things. I want to hear you recount our time together so that I may keep your memory close with a new one filled with your soothing voice. But I have long since been forgotten, you have long since moved on and it is all in the past. It doesn't matter to anyone but me, no sane person holds on this long. It's not romantic or endearing, it's sad and concerning.
I can't ask you, and I can't ask anyone else. I can't even talk to anyone about any of this. So for tonight, in the quiet of this sleeping home, I will let my heartbreak and I will let the tears flow and I will grieve for all I am losing. And when eventually these last remnants fade away despite my fighting and holding on, there will at least be these letters to the void, proof that I loved a love that was deeper than love....
From CR.C.R., a beautiful disaster, a stupid and foolish human, a long forgotten memory, a trace from the edge of the abyss